#sorry idk why it wouldn't let me tag that blog?

[james-is-here]

Part one

Sections: Joining Ateez, Chan sees you've debuted again, Growing closer to Seonghwa, You plague Chan's feed, What happened after the end of Pt. 1/ You talk to Skz

Blogs: @heartbinn | @leezanetheofficial @belladonna6-6-6 @aygotnobitches who suggested some ideas to me which helped me make this.

Tags: Angst, fluff, Mn and SKZ make up, mention of a Sasaeng, Mn gets cut, idk what else to put here, Skz are like super regretful for what they did, Chan finds out your taken?, Seonghwa is protective over you in the airport part. That's all, i think.

(Joining Ateez)

Awkwardly shuffling on your feet, you eyes darting everywhere as you wait. A few weird glances were thrown at you. Did you wear something bad? Just converse, baggy jeans, and a light blue hoodie, a beanie also fit snug on your head.

You haven't felt this nervous since...since Chan brought you to meet the other boys he picked.

"Mn?" Looking to your left, you were expecting your new manager but instead were met with Hongjoong. "O-Oh, h-hi. I thought...I'm sorry." "It's okay. He ended up having to take care of something but I hope it's okay that I'm here instead to help you." "Of course it's okay, I-I'm just...a bit nervous. I...I haven't felt this way in a while." You kept it simple, didn't want to give too much information.

"Real quick, um, I wasn't told anything. Was just told that you'd be in the lobby." "I'm debuting aga- debuting with a group called Ateez, i think that's the name." "Yeah, it is! I'm the leader. Come on, I can introduce you to the others." "Wait, um, the last group I was in...well, they began excluding me, actually. Y-You seem really nice I just might take awhile to adjust." "That's okay." He smiled at you, it was so nice and genuine that you couldn't help but smile back and continue walking.

Meeting them was awkward and your aura must've been unwelcoming as Hongjoong introduced you, you could see the others were unsure but Hongjoong rested a hand gently on your arm and gave a little nod. You relax, exhaling slowly after taking a deep breath. "Sorry...I-I didn't mean to make any of you uncomfortable. I just left a...bad environment and I'm still adjusting. I'm really sorry." You bow deeply before standing up again.

"Let's do some ice breakers, yeah?" Hongjoong suggested and you nod as the others vocalized.

(Chan finds out you debuted again.)

He and the boys were crushed that you left. The sunshine twins wouldn't leave your room and Chan had found your cut outs in the trash and taped everything back up.

He was the one to call you the most, second was Jisung. He also texted you, 'Mn-ie <3' staring back at him every time he does. How could he never realize what they were doing to him? How could they not have noticed Mn wasn't included?

He sighs, the disconnected voicemail playing for the umpteenth time and he ends the attempted call. As per usual, he goes to any social media app in order to see if anything about you has been posted.

After months of finding nothing, he finally came upon a picture of you, a solo photo of yourself surrounded by a few blurbs and reading over it Chan noticed it was little details about yourself. Name, birthday, age, favorite hobby. It was a 'get to know me' photo. Swiping to the next photo, it was you in the middle of a group of boys, they were doing jazz hands around you as you smiled sheepishly. Reading the caption was like a knife twisted in his chest, he had found a group. What hurts Chan is how much happier he looks, he use to be that happy with them but they pushed him away, he doesn't even know why they did.

"Hyung? What's wrong?" He looks up to see Changbin in front of him. He lifts his phone lazily and the younger sighs. "You know calling him is futile." "No, not that..." He reaches out, handing his phone to Changbin who takes it, a moment later he's sitting on Chan's bed with a sigh and setting the phone down. "H-How could we have been so...blind? Why...Why did we push him away? That wasn't fair to him." "I ask myself the same thing, Bin." "Do you want to tell the others?" "Maybe. I know they've been trying to get updates out of manager-nim about Mn but...yeah, no, let's tell them."

Later that day, Chan told the rest of them about Mn and some were upset but some others were glad that after what they did to him, at least he found a better environment. All of them were beating themselves up. They all agreed that what they did was wrong but now...they can't get him back.

(Growing closer to Seonghwa)

You remember it clearly, the moment where Seonghwa gave you the same comfort someone else use to give.

It had been a year since you had joined Ateez, you felt so much more happy, less of a burden and more of an actual member of a group. All of them were protective over you after learning more about you. They would say you're a precious soul that needs protected at all costs.

All costs...even if it risks their safety.

You were walking with them through an airport, attached to Wooyoung the whole time but he didn't mind. Readjusting your jacket, you notice a lack of weight in your pocket and turn around, noticing your wallet now a few steps from where you just came from. You must've missed your pocket after putting something back.

You say a quick 'wait' to the boys around you and you jog over to your wallet, picking it up but another hand grabs it then suddenly a butterfly knife is pointed at you. "Woah-" "Why do you leave?!" A sasaeng, you just stared at her, you literally panic and every possible thought you could've had left as she advanced.

It felt like ages but it was really five seconds that so much unfolded. She lunged forward, blade catching your cheek at the same time Seonghwa was the first to reach you and pull you away. Security restraining the girl and taking your wallet from her.

Seonghwa walked backwards, taking you away from her as his arms squeezed around you when he heard you let out a small cry. One hand moves to the back of your neck, keeping you in the crook of his neck as he watches them take the girl away, hand squeezing your nape slightly before brushing through your hair, soothing you and helping you calm down.

Hongjoong was next to you guys shortly after Seonghwa grabbed you. "Shh, it's okay, Mn. She's gone." He whispered before reaching under the older males chin and thumbing at your cheek under the shallow cut. "Oh, Mn." He backs away, it wasn't deep, no blood, but it still looked bad.

"Come on, Mnie." You couldn't help but finally move your arms and hug Seonghwa tightly. You haven't heard that nickname in ages and hearing it from someone who sees you, it comforted you so much that you couldn't help the new wave of tears that fell but quickly pulled back and wiped under your eye as the tears stung the cut. Seonghwa's hand replaces yours, helping you wipe your tears and while you feel appreciated and cared for, Seonghwa is fighting himself internally as he found you the sweetest thing ever and officially doesn't like seeing you cry.

"I like Mn-ie..." "You do? Then I'll keep using it. That okay?" You nod softly, finally smiling at Seonghwa. He giggles softly, ruffling up your hair gently before giving a small head pat and guiding you away with Hongjoong on your other side.

(You plague Chan's feed)

Two years since learning about your re-debut, he's seen you everywhere.

Clips of your fan cams, pictures of your outfits, screenshots fans have taken from videos. He didn't stop himself from watching the videos or looking a photos for a moment longer than needed.

He refreshed the twitter feed and the top tweet was an Ateez Update fan page. Even fan pages are plaguing his feed.

There was a link, posted 20 minutes ago.

'Nn live featuring Seonghwa and Wooyoung'

He opened the link and it took him to the live. It looked like you were in your bed, knees pulled up as you talked to Wooyoung about something but all he could pay attention to was your looks. He still finds you adorable. He can't help but sit up in his bed, pulling his knees up as well and taking his pillow to hug as he watched you. You looked...happy. The familiar sting began in his eyes as you leaned back into Wooyoung, the boy wrapping his arms around your neck and pulling you back as Seonghwa started to tell a story.

He thought you two were cute together but a soft gasp and his lips part when you stare at the other male across from you. That glint, that shine. He knows that look and he chokes out a sob. You can't be gone. You still love him, right? You haven't moved on just yet, right?

He leaves his phone at his feet as he leans back, regret eating at him as he cries into his pillow. Minho came in moments later and saw Chan asleep but his phone still playing. He picked up the phone, sighing softly when he sees your face and your smile before turning it off and putting it to the side, moving to cover his hyung up and he leaves with one more look to Chan before he's out the door.

(The award ceremony, Chan POV then it switches to your POV)

Watching you kiss Seonghwa was like getting the air punched out of him with a bus.

The choked sob he let out was pathetic but he didn't care. He saw someone he loved disappear from right in front of him all over again. How could he take you for granted? If he just noticed the neglect sooner, you'd still be there with him, with the boys.

A hand is placed on his shoulder, he looks over to see Felix who sighs. "Chan..." He sniffs but it's futile as another sob escapes him and he just lets the tears fall. "A-After this long I-I still m-miss him. I-I still thought I c-could get him back..." Felix pulls him into a hug, letting him crying into his shoulder for a moment.

"Hyung...it's been seven years..." "Don't you think I know that?!" He snapped quietly but still let Felix attempt to fix his makeup. "I-I know...that it's b-been seven years...b-but he was...he was my f-first boyfriend, I loved him and it's hurting me because I still regret not seeing the neglect sooner. How could I, his fucking leader, not realize he was missing from practices or meetings. How could I be so blind?" "Hyung, we're at fault too." "Yeah, but I'm the main one that should've seen it. I-I'm the...the leader, I...I should've seen it..." His voice gradually became a whisper.

"Channie-Hyung..." Inhaling softly, he lifts his head, spinning around to come face to face with you and Seonghwa.

(POV Change)

As Seonghwa led you back, you realized that you just walked away. You didn't acknowledge them, you didn't wave back but do you have to? Last you checked, they didn't care about you but you still stopped in your tracks, zoned out for a moment as the male holding your hand tried to bring you back.

"Hey, Mn-ie, come back to me. You okay?" "Stray Kids is who hurt me...Th-They were the ones to- to shove me away and ignore me and neglect me." "Oh, Mn..." "I-I'm sorry I didn't t-tell any of you sooner, I just-" You bit your lip, willing yourself to not cry but seeing them after so long seemed to have brought the pain back. You could see the hope in Chan's eyes before you turned away and you found it unbelievable because even he was neglecting you but you also...felt bad?

"Hey, don't cry, it's okay." "I-I don't know why I feel guilty, Hwa. I-I shouldn't be feeling guilty and yet..." You take a deep breath, wiping your tears away carefully. "Maybe you should forgive them?" "Why should I do that? I was chosen to be in this group but then they were pushing me away and forgetting me. What was the point of adding me if I was to be forgotten?" "Mn-ie, they regret it. I could see it on their faces as I came to get you and they called out for you. They want you back, at least as a friend."

"But they-" "Mn...You know what else I can see?" "What?" You sniff. "You want your friends back." Seonghwa smiled at you gently, he knows you miss them deep down and thinking about it, you're still hurt from what they did to you but you do want them back. "Come on, Mn. You miss them and they've been missing you. I just know it."

With a sigh, you nod and Seonghwa takes you back to them. When you get there, you see Chan in Felix's arms. "I...I should've seen it..." You hear him mutter, stepping closer, the other boys have seen you returned and you speak up. "Channie-Hyung..." He turns towards you, staring at you, stunned that you came back and you have tear stains on your cheek.

You glance at Seonghwa who nods gently which just barely convinced you to step closer to the others. They watch your every step, waiting for what you're gonna do or say.

Smiling awkwardly, you reach out your hand, gesturing to Chan when all he did was stare at it before he took it. You pull him towards you, wrapping your arms around him in a hug. A small gasp leaves Chan as he stands there, arms hesitating around you and you laugh. "You can hug back, you know?" It was instant, his arms tight around you and his face buried in your shoulder. "We're sorry, Mn...I-I'm sorry." He cried and you rub his back.

"Hyung?" You look over to Felix on your left. He's as tall as you now and he looks even more precious, if that's even possible. "C'mere." You extend the arm around Chan's back out to him and he hugs you as well.

When Felix and Chan finally pull away, another member is suddenly wrapping his arms around your middle. Looking down, you laugh softly while wrapping your arms around Jisung. You also hug Hyunjin and Jeongin.

"We really are sorry, Mn." "I know...but what you did wasn't nice..." They nod, lowering their heads. "but I think after this long...I can sort of forgive you..." They looked like a deer in headlights making you giggle. "We can be friends again. I miss you guys." They smile, Felix hugs you again before stepping back and you turn to Chan.

You take a look towards Seonghwa and he nods. You don't even have to say anything and it honestly shocks you how well he can read you.

"Channie?" He looks up, his hands wringing together. You think you've never seen him looking so nervous. "Come here." He steps up to you and you take his hands into yours. "I know that I left abruptly...and didn't talk to you before leaving but you know why, correct?" He nods his head, his eyes still downcast. "I can see that you had some hope but I'm with Seonghwa..." He nods again and you can see tears welling up in his eyes again. " We can be friends though..." You smile. "Is that okay?" His eyes finally meet yours, smiling a bit. "Yeah, th-that's fine. I-I did have hope but honestly the most I wanted was just to have you back with us. I-It felt so...weird without you even after so long. I missed you...but I'm really glad you found someone else...we were terrible to you- I was terrible to you."

"Channie, your rambling." "S-sorry." He laughs before gasping and staring at you, glancing to Seonghwa then back at you. You kissed his cheek but the look in your eye was forgiving and he hugged you again. "But do anything dumb like that again and I'm gone." They knew you were half joking, there was a smile on your face and they laughed.

"Hyung, we gotta go fix your make up before going on stage." "Right, sorry for keeping you for so long." "You're fine, Mn. It's good to have you back." "You can't take me away though, you'd have to fight him and Wooyoung." "What do you mean?" Hyunjin asks and all you do is wink before stepping back to Seonghwa and leaving for your table again. "See you guys later."

There's still apart of you that never wanted to do that but Seonghwa made a point later that what you did was a good thing. You've had a grudge for seven years and he saw how regretful they looked. You agreed that it was time to let it go only with some hesitance.

But you realized in the passing days that they made up for it. If you had similar off days they would invite you out, they talked to you more whether it be nonsense or what they did that week. Jisung and Wooyoung jokingly fought for you. Han has made a couple comments about stealing you from Ateez and the fans found the joke fighting adorable.

When Stay noticed that the boys looked happier, lighter, of course the detective Stays did their digging and the most they found was a few pictures of you with a couple of the boys you've posted either at public events or pictures you've taken during outings you've had with the boys.

It doesn't matter though, all they care about is that you've seemed to have made up with Stray Kids --even though all they knew about your departure was that it was mental health issues-- and they're happy to see you with them again.

[axcel-lucci]

I was cooking (literally) 🤭

Trafalgar Law x fem!reader.

(Angst?)

@the-fluff-piece @sailor-cosmic-horror (idk what blog to tag 😭)

Part 1 is here

"Fuuuuuckkk" (y/n) groaned as Bepo tilted his head slightly.

"What's wrong, (y/n)...?" He asked cutely

"Ah... it's nothing... but fuck- my side hurts..." she laid back down with a grunt, "everything hurts..."

"A-ah?! I should call captain!"

"No-!" She yelled back, "I mean... no... it's not that kind of pain... well I mean it is kinda painful physically, but... not the pain I'm complaining about..." she sighed deeply.

Bepo merely hummed and sat beside her, "when you told captain how you felt and passed out... he panicked. I don't think I've ever seen him so panicked and stressed like that before." He admitted, "and when I asked him why he was like that, there was no clear answer... like he changes his story every time I ask a question. And once you were better he just... stormed out. It's weird... he'd usually check on his patient's condition before leaving..."

"O-oh..." she mumbled.

'I messed up this time... Huh? Do I talk to him? He might be mad or weirded out because of my confession... if only I didn't tell him all those things! I thought I was gonna die! Goddamit!!' She thought before frowning.

"Uh... you need to rest, okay? I'll check on captain first, then I'll come back to you..." Bepo said as he left

She just sighed deeply, "I need to make this right. If I just kept it a secret to the grave... to be fair, he would never let his crew die on him... no one really died in his hands, unless for enemies." She muttered.

A few hours later, she didn't realize she had drifted off to sleep. Only to be woken up by a warm hand softly clearing the hair away from her face.

Her eyes slowly opened before groaning, "again with the fucking light."

A deep chuckle echoed beside her, one that was highly recognizable by the human ears.

"C-captain?!" She gasped as she looked at him standing over her.

"How are you feeling? Sorry I stormed out like that... I just had to deal with some affairs of the sub. It was kinda damaged from the battle. Though I had Bepo check your vitals. I guess he forgot to do that..." he explains as he adjusts the tube that gives her some IV.

"A-ah..." she sighed before humming, "hey... captain. Can I ask you something?"

"Hm? Sure" he muttered as he scribbled down the clipboard.

She stayed quiet for a few moments, thinking of what to say; "remember what I said...? Before blacking out...?"

Law paused for a bit before sighing and nodded, "yeah... I... I do..." he muttered before placing down the clipboard and pen, "how... how long?"

"What...?"

"For how long have you felt this...?"

Her throat starts to dry and close up as she looked away, "quite a while now..."

"I need the exact date."

She took a deep breath, "I think... a year and a half... I'm not too sure though."

"So... you kept this to yourself... for a year a half...? Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He muttered, he was hurt. Obviously. He knows why, but doesn't want to admit it.

She sighed deeply once more, "because I know you wouldn't feel the same about me..."

Law snapped his head to look at her in such a shocked manner. His wide eyes and a slight frown.

She didn't see it but it was fairly obvious.

"What do you mean...?"

"Cut me some slack, captain. The crew knows your stance on relationships... you just don't do them." (Y/n) muttered, her words getting choked on her throat, making it hard to speak. Her vision blurring with tears.

Law could only look at her with clear confusion and shock, "look... don't trust everything the crew says. Most of it is just rumour anyways." He grumbled a bit before holding her hand, "look. I didn't mean to make it seem like that, but in reality... I... I like you too... I just... didn't know you felt the same..."

She finally looked at him with tear filled eyes before sniffling, "really...?"

"Yes, really" he smiled softly before bringing her hand up for him to kiss, "when you get better, I'll take you out... what do you say?"

"Oh captain..."

"Law... just call me by my name now"

"Law... yes... please"

[mrs-monaghan]

You said jungkook saying his most memorable moment of Christmas is him having snow fight with taehyung Cannot scream more bro than this how?? Like it's a good memory what's bro thing in that?

You mean apart from the fact that they're bros? Well, have u ever watched this video?

JK was having the time of his life terrorising the members. Mostly Jin because of course its Jin he would bully the most 🤣🤣🤣

JK loves the snow, Jimin more than JK but JK loves snow too. And he loves spending time with V. Why would them throwing snow at each other not be a good time? Why wouldn't it be memorable?

You're a tkkr so I'm assuming you've seen tkk playing right? It tends to get kinda rough. Which is a clear contrast to when Jikook play. So if you know members, like actually know the members, then the image of Tkk in the snow together is not them falling ontop of each other and hugging and kissing. That's... no. That just happens in fanfiction. Them 2 in the snow, I'm picturing that video and I'm picturing it brutal and competitive. Like bros do.

Do you remember when JK was spinning V?

Do you remember V saying he wasn't feeling well and for JK to stop?

Do you remember how JK refused to stop and instead started spinning faster till V had to scream at him to stop?

And JK still didn't stop? 😂😂😂

Now do you remember when JK was spinning Jimin?

Jimin only had to say JK's name twice

And JK let him off

You don't believe me? Watch for yourself. Jimin's part lasts 10 seconds while V.... oh, poor V 😂😂 even Namjin dont get the cruel V treatment. See for yourself

So for me, anon yes, Tkk in the snow is a bro moment. A real fan would know this. But listen, idk why you're keeping tabs on my blog seeing as I never tag V or your ship, but I assure you, I'm not trying to take this moment away from you. It IS a moment, it is. And it was memorable to JK. Facts. And that's great and I love that for you. But you and I both know it doesn't hold a candle to the Tokyo trip, right? We know that all Jikook moments will always be superior, right? I know, and you know. You all know. Thats why your people are losing their minds on twitter.

I'm sorry you're going through it (I'm not) but you're the ones to blame for backing the wrong horse. Sorry not even a little bit sorry.

[dojae-huh]

"she tapped him to get his attention"

but youd love it if it were doeyoung wouldn't you? is just she is a woman and its not him and suddenly you can write that shit up like its nothing....

you are literally the weirdest person ever. im not even sure how anyone sane could follow you... and no it doesn't sound like a joke, say you pull that card in the reply... can't believe you have time in your day at this time and age to just sit in this blog and answer any anon out there that's trying to prove you something else. im sure Jaehyun would be somewhere around the same opinion as this... you can be out there in the world doing something beautiful instead be on this app like a bot trying to always prove something something to anons?????? sorry you just appear crazy to me.. like the only person ive come across in this app, or at least the tags im checking lately to do this

like get a fucking life... there's always that choice of being a normal fucking fan you know? and enjoy a group from the side or just come up on here to write something nice and cute or cheering and not have insinuations at most times or battle anons and write whole fucking essays for them every day... yk thats so odd to me? i take you are grown up... like just think what you are doing....

also trying to give this superior group stan that knows anything and more... no sorry, you're soo messy. waisting your energy when is you and your 5 lunatics reading what you write...

if i have to give away who am i in a way im someone who has never had a beef with you or ever been in your asks is my first time because im someone just so tired of seeing you every day in jaehyuns tags... like fr at least stop tagging him in your post and keep your shit to your blog im sure im not the only one feeling this way...

im like there goes The Fucking Einstein of nct tumbr again... do you realize how fucking annoying and frequent you have to be to catch my attention? someone whos never cared to go into your blog or send hate to but after months seriously im so tired of you ... and yes there's the option of blocking you but you keep popping in any of my other blogs i don't have you blocked you yet.

you realize most people don't need your takes? so why put them in his tags... you just spread negativity some days when somebody doesn't need it on top of everything they go through. sometimes somebody wants to come on here to scroll the tags and read something nice or look at gifs but then boom there's you... again...

if anything im writing this for it's precisely that.. like be more mindful and cautious of what you do and your actions or how you approach your platform. also note how i never said you need to delete this blog just that you please keep your shit to your yard and don't cross the fence and drag it into the pavement let alone the street and the neighbours... then again, even better if you focused on real life, your life, than be on here plastering about lives of idols youve never met in person or know them like that... idk how many years youve know them like... none of them deserves to have their lives be your takes.

Don't you just like opinionated people who lack self-reflection. I can just open an exhibition.

[starflungwaddledee]

may i have a link to that starspeak dictionary you once mentioned? (its fine if you dont share)

ah! thank you for the interest but it is not a complete dictionary or anything like that. that was just a screenshot of the title of my work in progress document as i work on the language, sorry!

the starspeak conlang i've talked about here (and 100% of the words/grammar i've released so far) is very specifically my personal creation that i've worked hard on for a long while! i'd be totally okay with people using it in fics or comics or whatever so long as they credited it back to me.

not just because it's my work, but also i think that it's important to allow anyone who comes across it to know like... why and how i was creating it. especially because it has roots in some real life languages and it was originally created only as a personal project

but i also wouldn't like it to be.. idk.. stolen?? i hadn't really considered the possibility that anyone would be interested enough to want to use it, though i'd be humbled to create something that could serve the greater community! but uh.... please don't use my creative work without at least crediting me and letting me know?

i have a tag on my blog you could specifically link to that would allow anyone to find out more about it easily! https://www.tumblr.com/starflungwaddledee/tagged/starspeak

[erigold13261]

Hello hello I'm back once again to ramble some more about Garden of Thorns in your FRAU, only this time I'm just gonna say that last time I completely forgot about DJSS when I wrote my last ask so that's why there was no mention of him (sorry DJ :( )

Now when it comes to helping out with your oc band fight DJSS (I will draw them when they're revealed mark my words-) Sylvie and Olive tag along because at this point no one is immune to free therapy from Sylvie- and Olive wants to make new friends so they go to Club Planetarium. Sylvie knows something is up and if needed stops the fighting to let DJSS talk about his problems and how he's feeling, and Olive removes her gloves and reveals her healing powers for the first time as it fixes the cracks on DJ's orb head and seals the gas inside it (or other material idk what's in there-) which I'm sure surprises everyone. I'm sure Sylvie may also host a group therapy session with all the NSR Artists, BBJ, etc, because she wants to help as many people as she can since she knows that there are people out there who don't have access to resources such as therapy so she's made it her goal to change that slowly but surely. (Also I'm currently working on my ocs designs for your au while typing this out so the gloves for Olive is a part of her design)

Speaking of Olive, I remember how you mentioned that Tatiana would definitely come at her during the final showdown since she's healing everyone else from a distance. Tatiana sees Olive just standing there and is a bit confused until she sees the glowing light emitting from her hands and just patching up whoever's fighting her of their injuries quickly and this sets her off. Everyone else realizes that Tatiana is charging at Olive and tries to warn Olive but then something happens that catches them and Tatiana off guard. Olive grabs Tatiana's arm before it can reach her, and then her eyes start glowing red. That's when Olive proceeds to just annihilate Tatiana via a flurry of throwing, punching, kicking, and slapping. Everyone else can only watch as Tatiana is smashed against the floor while Olive has her usual smile on her face, and then afterwards she throws Tatiana at the crown, which explodes just like in the original game and reveals Kul Fyra's guitar. Olive made sure not to hurt Tatiana too badly while doing all that and when she heals her of her injuries I'm sure Tatiana is very confused as to why Olive would heal her after she tried to attack her and lost. Olive just smiles and let's Sylvie take over aka giving Tatiana her therapy.

Sylvie would indeed suspect something is up with Kliff, but Artemis attempts to come to his defense (Mainly because of her *cough* feelings *cough* towards him but she's too shy to admit it) and tries to convince her friend that Kliff wouldn't do anything drastic. Obviously Sylvie is not having any of it and talks with Kliff anyway, and that's when she helps him realize that he has a very unhealthy parasocial relationship with his idol/Tatiana and works with him to solve any other problems he may have as well.

And that's about everything that's coming to my mind right now about FRAU, my OFA AU thoughts are starting to take over again so I'll head off to elaborate on them on my own blog lol. I hope you enjoyed my ramblings once again Eri :D

I had this mental image that Olive was smaller than Tatiana so all I was seeing in my head was Tatiana getting slapped and thrown by someone less than half her height lol! But glad I relooked at Olive because her being taller than Tatiana and being able to do that makes so much more sense!

But yes, she would be so confused and it makes me think of the scene from Undertale where Flowey doesn't understand why you spared him (them? I forget Flowey's pronouns, my bad). She would be more willing to listen to Sylvie and B2J at that point, but still hesitant because of thinking everything she's worked for will be stripped away from her (but she probably would come fully around after a few therapy sessions).

The Kul Fyra moment would probably be even more heartbreak. For Mayday and Cyril. The both idolized her and now they realize that she is the reason for a lot of their suffering because they tried to follow her path. I don't know, it just feels even more bitter sweet than how the original ending goes. I don't think Tatiana would give the guitar to either of them though, both can't play it (May physically and Cyril doesn't know how), so instead I see her as using it as a symbol to bridge EDM and Rock together.

But going back to Nova for a second, he would be VERY surprised at the fact that his head got healed. I still think there would at least be a scratch still, something that won't ever fully heal (like a scar) but at least now he will be able to contain his space dust and think with a clear head more easily! (he would also gladly stop playing music to just talk about himself and his woes, probably lets slip some stuff about Neon and 1010 too which would help Garden of Thorns/Ex-Jay depending on WHEN the rematch with Nova happens).

Group therapy will also have to wait at least a little bit after the NSRtists have some one-on-one therapy, because all I can see is Eve and Mama ganging up on Neon, 1010, and Nova while Yinu and Sayu's Crew try to stop the whole fight that is about to go down. Until Tatiana raises her voice telling them to all shut up and sit down which immediately makes them ALL obey (and also shows the therapist/Sylvie/whoever just how much work is going to need to be done).

And Kliff's relationship isn't ENTIRELY parasocial since he and Tatiana do have history together, however I do see a good talk between Tatiana and Kliff to be great closure for both of them. Maybe they get a little physical at first, with a punch here and there (from both ends) but Olive heals them both up and their wall of frustration is gone and they can finally have an open conversation. They can both finally close the book on their relationship, never really talking again, but the two finally being at piece with their shared past. (And it helps that Kliff now has Artemis to get his mind off of Tatiana :3).

So yeah! A lot of things would turn out quite nice if a Re-Revolution occurred with multiple bands coming together to pull it off! There would still be the initial few years of suffering everyone does, but at least by the end people are healing together instead of scarring by themselves!

[littlelovingmouse]

i will say this about getting shadowbanned: it has in fact led me to engage a lot more with posts than i used to, i.e. i talk a lot more in the tags than before

knowing that no one but the people who follow me, and who are active on tumblr at the same time as me, can see my tags, it's been freeing, actually

like, i reblogged a post a few days ago, that i'm still thinking about; it said that the wonderful thing about tags is that it's impermanent commentary that only your followers will see, so it doesn't bother the op like a direct addition to the post might

but in my experience, that has never been true, even before staff added the feature that lets you see what tags people add to your posts and to the posts you share when they reblog from you

i got yelled at a few times in my asks by people who disagreed with my tags or just didn't like them, so while i used to tag things properly, i have since stopped using tags almost entirely, and most things on my blog are untagged and impossible to search nowadays

like yes, don't make original posts about how you hate a thing, only to tag them with the thing it's about, so that users who do enjoy it don't have to suffer your negativity, that's just basic courtesy

but it used to be that, as long as you didn't name the thing in the first five tags, no one would see it, and reblogs don't show up in main tags either

and now everyone can go on their activity page and see what tags people added to a post when they reblogged from you, and all the tags people add to your original posts, too

and even before that, people would often check tags!

but like

if i use tags to keep track of things, and be able to find them again later, i should be able to use whatever tags i want

and if i want to add commentary that will only show in the tags, i should be able to do so; i should be able to give my opinion on things on my own damn blog

and truth be told if poll votes weren't anonymous, or if i knew people could see my tags, i wouldn't add any at all, and i wouldn't touch polls with a ten foot poll pole

sorry for the rambling, but i'd been wondering why it was taking me so long to poke staff again about un-shadow-banning me (de-shadow-banning me? shadow-un-banning me? shadow-de-banning me?), and i think that's why

i've often felt like i wasn't actually welcome to interact with the fandoms i'd joined, which is why i'm almost always a lurker, who only likes things, but does not reblog them

and then i always feel bad when i see posts complaining about this, but like, idk, i'm not sure what i'm trying to say here, i do understand that artists and writers can find it upsetting when people tag their work with triggering or squicky things, or when their original content gets tagged with character names and ships and stuff they don't like

... anyway, my conclusion here is that i've always chosen wrong on those super power quizzes, my ideal power isn't telekinesis or flight, it's clearly invisibility

i just don't want to be invisible all the time, otherwise it's kind of lonely

[yooniesim]

A few people were asking me for the screenshots and I had the mental energy to scrape through a few archives, so. Here ya go. There's a lot more than this but this is what I can manage for now. Probably add more later. Heavy tw on all of this.

Older callout post ^ (censored name bc it was a long time ago, idk if the person involved wants to get pulled into this shit)

(Also- what ahegao is for those that may not know why the pose is sexual, it was from an ahegao pose pack specifically.)

Old tagged before it was changed to minors dni ^ (they also still interact with minors on their blog after this anyways but let's ignore that...)

Acknowledging the server & pose issues and defending them. The spiel at the end would sound fair enough if they hadn't spent weeks attacking me & other survivors bc I dared to silently ban them from my server bc we were uncomfortable with... all this. Clearly they have a *huge* problem with other people setting boundaries with them...

Yea, you don't make them suck cock, you just make them hang their jaw open bc that gets you off more. And we know you don't give a fuck about other survivors or minors in general. You don't have to say it every other sentence. Your experience is the only valid one and anyone that doesn't want you around them is just a whiny baby that should kill themselves. Gotcha.

Another minor sim in a similar pose, probably to mock those calling out the other one, this time a 15 year old. You're not funny for this. Just showing how little empathy you have for others yet again. It's not a flex.

Explanation of my feelings at the time. I didn't name them then bc like I said, I had banned them silently & just wanted them not around me. But I think this explains everything I was thinking then.

I just have to add that this is clearly a repeated pattern of them getting extremely angry at others for pointing out their lack of boundaries, every time they lash out more and more rather than fixing the problem, from as early as late 2022 until now. They haven't learned anything and refuse to try. That's more concerning to me than the content itself, honestly. And that's why I don't trust them/wouldn't want minors around them. Xian, I'm sorry that you're also a survivor, but I'm sorry to say that you also really remind me of every person that groomed & abused me with the help of fictional csam online when I was 11-12. So maybe that should tell you something. Or maybe not. But god I hope it does.

Hi uh, I hope it's okay to ask, but which creator are you referring to? Because the whole cp thing is kind of a huge accusation and I'm definitely not comfortable with supporting someone who's into that kind of stuff

tianshii88/rentbunny/zhuhaitang/yin-shimo

to be clear it's not csam (real children) it's fictional (drawn & in sims), but they're extremely creepy as a person & remind me of abusers in my past that exposed me to that same fictional material as a child. it's common for those that do have bad intentions to use it to blur the lines/make minors feel like it's normal/okay so that they're easier to groom & abuse. this isn't something that everyone that consumes this content does, obviously, but the amount of times they specifically have had questionable boundaries raises red flags for me. (Having a minor character in a fetish pose in a preview on a blog they specifically allowed minors to follow for cc, defending that by saying the original mangaka posed the character that way first so it was his fault not theirs, having a discord server with a dead dove channel that minors could access & saying it was ok bc they had to use a react role to get in, calling survivors that were uncomfortable with this crybabies, puritans & dumbasses, etc)

I never could finish the full post i was making about them bc it was frankly pretty triggering to me & I was dealing with my father's passing at the time, but I still have the screenshots despite them changing their name multiple times, wiping their blog of everything & changing their pinned to be 18+ only. There's also other people that have called them out for certain things (like the pose incident) before in the past. I'm not saying they're a predator or child abuser, since I know they'll jump to that immediately- but I am saying they're creepy and their history of a lack of solid boundaries between minors & the adult content they consume is irresponsible and unacceptable. I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable having them in the same spaces as minors in this community. I personally blocked them a long time ago when they were rentbunny bc I saw they (as a non-black person) liked posts that were calling me a c*on and telling me to kms, but the full extent of all the rest that was brought to my attention was staggering tbh.

When I figured out they were in my server at the time (members came to me with the proof & said they were uncomfortable/triggered), I banned them silently. They responded by publicly harassing me for weeks and claiming that I had bullied them. They openly admitted they had only been in my server with the aim of baiting people into talking about them, and then posted screenshots of... people saying their cc was too high poly, had too many swatches for their liking, and someone editing the buns off one of their hairs for personal use. And they listed off usernames of people that had never mentioned them/were not active, purely with the goal to get others to attack them. They also mocked me for being in mourning for my father that had just passed, and after I had blocked them continued to make passive aggressive references to my grief. And this isn't even counting all the cc issues, taking money for commissions & ghosting the commissioners for months, and miscellaneous bigotry & bad behavior they've been involved in. This is all now deleted & they changed their username to yin-shimo directly after acting a complete fool towards me. But none of my posts are deleted, and I didn't forget. A lot of other people haven't either. So overall, I think they have bigger issues in their own house to focus on before worrying about someone else's cc dress.

[everestv-themuse]

Thanks for the prompts! This is something of a sequel to my last ficlet, since it mentions a injury from it, but it’s not set directly afterwards. For @littleblue-eyedbirdchirps​ @tevivinter​ @dadrunkwriting​

Sera would be lying if she said she hadn’t noticed Shaelin’s eyes watching every move she made. Not that the dwarf said anything to justify the close supervision. But Sera didn’t need the verbal confirmation. The second she knocked back that arrow too quickly, the second her shoulder twinged and she had to hesitate before the shot, the very moment she let a grimace slip across her lips, she knew that Shaelin noticed.

To say the dwarf was more aware of her on the battlefield would be an understatement. She practically watched Sera like a hunter stalking its prey. She would get that look in her eye that always came before she slipped into stealth to track her target.

It even got to the point where Shaelin was making easy mistakes during fights. Whether it was not watching her back closely enough or leaving herself too open or only parrying a blow at the last possible second, Shaelin’s focus was never fully trained on her own actions. And it wasn’t just Sera who noticed. Dorian and Iron Bull, who were forced to pick up the slack on covering the Inquisitor when she refused to do it herself, couldn’t help but be aware of the situation.

Not that anyone would admonish her for it. Not out on the field. If Cassandra knew, she wouldn’t hesitate to give the dwarf a talking to, leader of the Inquisition or not. But back at Skyhold, in the training ring, there wasn’t an elf inadvertently drawing her focus away, and the Seeker never got a chance to see Shaelin’s recent bouts of recklessness in action.

That’s why when the group finally got back to camp, Sera was surprised there was no quiet follow-up on exactly why the archer was rolling her shoulder so much. In fact, Shaelin hadn’t said so much as a word to her since that last fight. The second they got to the campground, the Inquisitor made a beeline to Maker knows where and Sera was forced to retire to their tent alone.

She dropped her pack with a sigh, barely restraining herself from throwing her bow and quiver of arrows in its wake. At least being left alone had some advantages. This way, she could do her shoulder exercises in peace without having to worry about Shaelin worrying every time she would flinch at an ache or twinge. It had been long enough since that darkspawn fight, the gaping hole in her shoulder had long since healed and scarred over. But every now and then, if her movements were just a bit too fast or she jerked into action just a touch too much, she swore the pain felt like the day she got the injury.

Not that she would have time to stretch out the joint properly anyway. Just as she was moving on to her second set of exercises, Shaelin burst into the tent with a bowl of some sort of green gunk in her hands. The dwarf looked her up and down expressionlessly.

“Take off your shirt,”

Sera raised an eyebrow. “Oh, that’s where this is going? Have to say, kinda miss the little ‘please’ you do, but I’m all for switching it up.”

“Cute,” Shaelin rolled her eyes before turning to wait expectantly. Sera just huffed but scrambled to comply. Before long, she stood bare-chested before Shaelin who only nodded in a neutral kind of approval. “Now lie down on the bedroll. No, no, on your stomach.”

“Not my first choice but hey,” Sera did as she was told and rested her chin in the crook of her crossed arms. “I’m not the one making the rules, obviously.”

“Don’t get your hopes up, it’s not like that.” Shaelin moved to straddle Sera’s lower back and place the bowl on the ground beside her. “I’m giving you a massage.”

Sera glanced back at her. “Wait, seriously?”

“Yeah,” the dwarf said simply and began rubbing the contents of the bowl into her hands. “I noticed your shoulder was acting up again. I went to ask the healer what she could suggest and she gave me this poultice and taught me some simple massaging techniques. Now stop looking at me like that and relax.”

“I can’t help giving you my signature doe eyes with you being all smushy like that!”

“Smushy? I’m just looking out for—”

“Exactly, Tadwinks!” Sera trilled out a laugh as she settled into the soft bedroll beneath her and readied herself for the dwarf’s warm touch. “You wasted no time once we got back to camp. Just goes to show you were thinking of me. The definition of smush.”

“Yeah, well,” Shaelin smiled a bit, even through her grumbling. “I think about you all the time. It’s friggin’ annoying.”

Sera could feel the flush slowly spread across her cheeks, immediately burying her face to hide it but knowing that it would just spread to the tips of her ears anyway. “Yeah. I noticed. We’ve all noticed. It’s not what I...not that I don’t like it...you thinking of me...it’s just...I don’t want...”

“I know. I’m bringing the team down.” Shaelin’s voice was flat, emotionless and matter-of-fact, just like she had been trained to have in the Carta. Sera’s heart sunk just a bit. “I’ve been stupid, fighting like an amateur. I’ll make it up to you guys, I’ll train harder, I’ll—”

“Or you could lay off me a bit?” Sera offered quietly. “I know you’re worried. But I don’t want to worry you. If we just go back to before, taking care of ourselves, watching each other’s backs when we can, things will go back to normal.”

“Yeah? Because things turned out so great before? I took my eyes off you for one second during that fight, just one, and then you got...I mean, what? You want me to stop caring about you?”

“I just want you to trust me, idiot,” Sera murmured, glancing back again to meet Shaelin’s gaze, her ice blue eyes slowly melting in the warmth of Sera’s misty ones. “Now start rubbing me, I’m getting cold.”

“Right, right, sorry.” Shaelin blinked and got to work, slowly kneading her thumbs into Sera’s lower back muscles before trailing upwards, spreading the poultice across her skin. “The healer said this stuff has a little bit of magical properties. She said it starts off warm, like I’m sure you feel right now, and then it turns cold like ice, and then it switches back and—”

Sera couldn’t help the low moan that escaped her lips as Shaelin finally got to her shoulders, tracing slow circles across scarred skin as a full-body shiver ran through her veins. Shaelin froze and Sera’s eyes blinked wide.

“What?” The dwarf asked softly, voice slowly drawing out until the smirk in her words was undeniable. “Does that feel good?”

Sera let out a breath. “Don’t tease me, not now. Just keep going.”

[tinyboxxtink]

"Weird Secret Friends" *Chapter 2*

Part 1

Part 3

Y'all IDK what it is about this story but I can just write and write and write. This one ended up being 11 pages [on a google doc] And I only stopped because it's 2:15 am.

I hope you guys like this, but I just want to clarify: This isn't a Barisi fic. I'm sorry, if you're looking for that, just...this isn't it. I mean they do interact and it'll be fun, but they will not be ending up together.

That being said, enjoy this new chapter! I'm debating on how pathetic enamored Sonny is, I don't think I'm gonna go that deep. No worries, people.

As always let me know if you want to be added/deleted off the tag list!! <3

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

-------

"Y/N, I'm so happy for you and Barba. You make the cutest couple," Sonny beamed at you while you were wrapped in Rafael's arms, huge smiles on all of your faces.

"Thank you Sonny, that means so much." You gave him a warm hug.

"Yeah….and you'll make the cutest couple in HELL!" All of a sudden Sonny pushed both you and Rafael off a cliff.

You were falling to your death when you woke up to your professor glaring at you.

"Have a nice nap, Miss Y/N?" He scowled at you.

"Um," You cleared your throat and straightened up at your desk. "Yes sir,"

"Good," he huffed as he headed to the front of the classroom once more. "Maybe now we can continue without your snoring,"

You heard the students around you snicker at his comments as You sunk lower into your desk and waited for class to end. It had been a long train ride home and then a drive to your apartment last night, you hadn't gotten home until around 2 am and had this 8 am class. As soon as the professor dismissed your class you booked it out of the class and out into the parking lot of your community college.

"Ugh, could this day get any--" before you could even finish your thought you got your answer. Your phone beeped with a text from Rafael:

RAFA: Hey killer, how's the bullshit county? 😉

That was the nice thing, then just as you were about to text him back your phone lit up.

SONNY BOI CALLING

"Shit!" You hissed to no one. "How does he know?!"

"Ahem….Heyyy, cuz," You answered it with your best nonchalant voice. That of course sounded totally chalant.

"Hey sunshine," His voice sounded relaxed, thank God.

"What's up?" You tried keeping your tone light as you neared your car.

"Well y'know I was just thinkin, I feel real bad about standing you up last night,"

"Oh, Son it's no big deal really," the fact that he felt guilty about anything made you feel even more guilty.

"No, I know you have a busy schedule and it takes a lot to get into the City and I just blew you off," He kept on with the guilt train.

"You didn't blow me off Son you had work. I get that--" You unlocked your car and got in, starting it so your windows would thaw. And your whole body.

"Well I wanna make it up to you," He cut you off.

"Oh?" your voice fell short. This couldn't be good.

"Yeah, my boss-- well he's not really My boss but Mr. Barba--"

Oh shit. Barba? Was Barba having a party? Why wouldn't He tell you that? Wait why WOULD he tell you that? Stupid. Wait, what was Sonny saying?

".... birthday, so you could be like my date," you caught the tail end of his invite.

"Birthday?" You repeated like a parrot. It was Barba's birthday? Oh god. You were really trying not to focus on how old he was. Don't ask. For the love of god don't say it Sonny.

"Yeah don't worry you don't need to get him anything, I got it covered," Sonny assured you.

Well, that was one way you could figure out just how much your cousin cared about his "idol". The more expensive the gift, the stronger the feelings were. You wondered whether you should ask him now or wait for the surprise. Maybe you should ask now, then his answer should tell you what you'd be getting into.

*So what did you get this 'non boss' of yours?" You asked slyly.

"Oh," now Sonny's voice dropped. "Well I, I don't wanna say,"

Fuck.

Don't panic. Do not panic.

"Oh come on Sonny," you did your best to keep a joking tone. "What am I gonna do, tell him?"

Should you joke about it? Hidden in plain sight, right?

"No I guess not, it's not like you know him,"

Whew.

"It's just kinda embarrassing…."

Oh god.

"O-Oh?" You tried to stay calm. "Why's that? Is it a gag gift?"

Please be a gag gift.

"Actually it's a new briefcase," He replied.

"Oh why is that embarrassing you goof?” You gave him a hard time. What was that in the emotional baggage department? Pun intended.

"I mean, it's more expensive than the one I own," You could hear the shrug in his voice.

Fuck. Don't ask why. Don't ask. But if you don't ask, that will be even more suspicious wouldn't it?

"Oh Son," You asked softly. "Why would you do that?"

"Well the one he has is as old as dirt, I think it's probably the first one he ever bought. I wanted him to look snazzy in court." He replied with a super eager tone.

"That's sweet," you were pounding your steering wheel in frustration. Say it.

"Seems like a lot of work for a mentor though," You closed your eyes mentally killing yourself.

"Yeah well," he laughed uncomfortably.

Say it.

"Sonny…” You didn’t want to do this.

“Yeah?” He was oblivious.

“You know you can always talk to me,”

“Yeah of course,” He assured you.

“About anything,” You scrunched your nose.

“Yeah I know, sunshine,” He half laughed.

“ANYTHING,” You reiterated

There was a long awkward pause.

“...Sonny?” You made sure he hadn’t hung up on you.

“Yeah, I'm here,” He replied softly.

“So?” You waited for the bomb to drop.

So…. He sighed. "I just want him to like me,"

Dammit.

"....Yeah," You nodded, cursing yourself.

"Yeah, its stupid. I'm stupid." He laughed again.

“You're not stupid,” you laid your head on the steering wheel in shame.” I mean the heart wants what it wants right?”

“What?! Oh my god, Y/N,” He scoffed. “I'm not gay,”

“….Sonny it's 2021,” you shook your head. “Sexuality is a spectrum,”

Right well. He laughed defensively. "I'm on the p in the v scale,"

“Ugh, Sonny,” you made a face.

“Sorry sunshine,” He apologized. “I just...why would you even think that?!”

“Uh…” You paused.

Maybe he wasn't fully aware that he had romantic feelings for Rafael. If you started pointing out the signs, he might realize it. But then you'd have a cousin going through gay panic AND then finding out it doesn't matter anyway.

"No reason," You lied.

"I just want him to like him so he'll give me a good recommendation once I graduate Fordham Law,"

"Oh" you smacked your head. "Duh. Right. Of course,"

That was completely legitimate. Maybe you had been misreading this whole thing. Now you just had the whole overprotective Gotti side of Sonny to worry about.

"Well I guess I could spend the weekend in the city," You shrugged as you pulled out of the parking lot.

“Absolutely!” He exclaimed. “My couch is always open,”

Not exactly where you were thinking of sleeping, but you weren't blowing your cover over the phone. Wait, maybe you should. Then he couldn't kill you over the phone. Wait, he's presumably at work right now. You didn't know how closely he worked with Barba, but you figured it would be a hell of a lot easier for Sonny to get to him before you could stop him from killing Rafael.

"Sure sounds good. I'll see you then cuz,” You smiled and hung up the phone.

------

Friday arrived, and you once again found yourself standing outside Forlini's. You debated heavily whether to go in or not, but you told yourself you were going to wait for Sonny outside this time, no more risking a sexy bar rendezvous.

You hadn’t really responded to Rafael’s texts the last few days, and you certainly didn’t tell him you were coming. Maybe you should have told him. You grabbed your phone to text him when you heard a familiar voice behind you:

“Y/N?”

You spun around to see Rafael dressed to the 9’s, smiling at you. He smelled delicious, mixed with the food aroma wafting out of the restaurant and the smell of freshly fallen snow in New York City.

“...Happy Birthday, Counselor,” You bit your lip nervously.

“W-What are you doing here?” He stared at you as if he thought he was dreaming.

“Sonny invited me,” You nervously smiled.

“Seriously?” He laughed.

“Seriously,” You nodded with a laugh as well.

“Did-- did you say anything to him?” He asked you worriedly.

“Are you insane?!” You hit him. “No!”

“So why did he invite you here?” He asked.

“He said it was to make up for ditching me the other night,” You shrugged.

“...The irony,” He smirked.

“Mmm,” You nodded with an amused smile.

“Well this is a very happy birthday indeed,” He smiled, pulling you closer into his coat similar to the night you had met.

“....Just don’t ask which one it is,” He warned you while staring at your lips deviously.

“Deal,” You nodded in agreement before he pulled you into a hungry kiss.

“DUDE!!” You snapped back before his lips were on yours for more than a millisecond. “Are you nuts?! Sonny’s gonna be here any second!”

“It’s my birthday, carino,” He made a pouty face. “Don’t yell at me,”

“Oh lord,” You rolled your eyes. “Alright, man child,”

He was about to go for another sneaky kiss when you both heard a voice from behind you.

“....Sunshine?”

“Oh!” You jumped ten feet away from Rafael when you turned to see Sonny standing there with a huge gift bag, staring slack jawed at the two of you. “Sonny! I um, we--”

“I was teaching your cousin a lesson in New York safety,” Rafael talked over you, his face completely stone. God he was a good liar.

“Excuse me, counselor?” Sonny raised an eyebrow, glancing between the two of you. You just stared in speechlessness.

“She was standing on this curb holding her bag out for any miscreant on these streets to just wrestle away from her, I was just demonstrating how,” He gestured to your open purse.

“Barba I really think this ain’t that kinda neighborhood,” Sonny half laughed.

“...You never know,” Rafael shrugged. “Now let’s all get inside, I’m sure everyone is anxious to start celebrating me,”

You and Sonny both rolled your eyes with smiles; too similar of smiles, you noticed. Thankfully, he did not. You both followed Rafael back to a private room where a bunch of fancy dressed people were mingling with drinks in their hands while two long empty tables stood in the middle of the room. They all stopped and clapped when Rafael walked in.

“Oh, for me?” He feigned surprise and humility.

“Yeah right Barba,” A woman laughed sarcastically. “You’re the one who invited us here,”

“Touche, Rita,” Rafael smirked as he began making the rounds around the table greeting everyone.

“So are we allowed to eat now, I’m starving,” An older man asked.

“And I’ve got a son waiting,” A red headed woman chimed in.

“Right, right,” Rafael nodded as people began to take seats. “Sorry everyone, you know I love to make a dramatic entrance,”

“Oh trust me we know, Barba,” Another man called. “Your catwalks into the courtroom prove that. I think we have a montage of them,”

“Ha Ha,” Rafael rolled his eyes, then turned to you and Sonny.

“Sonny,” He put a hand on his shoulder. “Why don’t you sit next to me?”

“R-Really, counselor?” You saw Sonny’s eyes light up like Christmas tree lights.

Fuck. You knew he was only asking him so that you would sit next to him as well. And while you loved the idea, you knew how much this was toying with Sonny’s feelings.

“A-Are you sure, about that Mr. Barba?” You gave him a look.

“Absolutely, Miss-- I didn’t catch your name?” He played it so cool.

“Y/N,” You held out your hand as you re-introduced yourself.

“Right, well--” He shook your hand then turned his attention to Sonny who was still beaming like a kid on Christmas. “I don’t know how much Carisi has told you, but he is quite the promising mentee of mine,”

“....R-Really, Rafael?” Sonny blinked in disbelief, causing Rafael’s smile to falter for a moment. Sonny had never called him “Rafael” before, it was always “Barba”. Shit, maybe he had given him too much praise.

“I mean, you know, for a lap dog,” He quickly added with a snarky tone and a smirk.

“Mr. Barba!” You tried not to raise your voice at the birthday boy. “That is my cousin you’re talking ab---”

“No, no it’s fine Y/N-- th-that’s how we work isn’t it, counselor? He just gives me jabs, I know he doesn’t mean it,” Sonny laughed nervously, staring at the floor. He knew not to get too comfortable with Barba, why did he even try it?

“Indeed,” Rafael nodded in agreement. “But, I still request you sit by me-- at least I know you don't poison my food. Which is more than I can say for many of my esteemed ‘guests’,” He eyed the tables of people before him.

“Then why invite them to your party?” You quirked an eyebrow.

“I get that Jersey doesn’t have the social classes of Manhattan, Miss Y/N,” He smirked. “But here, you’ve got to do things to keep up appearances,”

“Oh do you?” You practically growled.

“Yes,” He nodded while a waiter brought him a glass of scotch. “Even if you don’t like someone, if they serve a purpose for you than you do what you must to keep in their good graces,”

“Oh is that so? So you’re only kind to people who can ‘serve’ you?” You crossed your arms and narrowed your eyes at him.

What kind of Danny Zuko bullshit was this?! This was an entirely different Rafael Barba you had met the other night. He was kind, flirty, endearing. This new Barba was snarky and condescending, and you were not amused at all.

“Y/N, chill,” Sonny hissed at you. “This is just how Barba is, he’s harmless,”

“Yeah well you might not mind being his doormat Sonny, but I sure as hell won’t be,” You angrily stomped off.

“Oh my god,” Sonny muttered, wondering if he should run after you or not. “Barba, I am so so sorry about her,”

“It’s fine, Carisi,” He watched you stomping away, trying to hide the guilt in his voice. He was just trying his best to throw Sonny off the trail. He may have overcompensated just a tad.

“I-I should go check on her, She’s just a kid--”

“No, allow me,” Rafael put a hand to Sonny’s chest. “It was my faux paux, I should apologize to her myself. I was being a bit of an ass,”

“Yeah but that’s just you, Barba,” Sonny chuckled, trying not to blush at Rafael’s hand on his chest.

“True, but I forget not everyone knows me as well as you do, Carisi,” And now he was trying to be extra nice to Sonny to get on his good side, while cluelessly egging on his feelings.

“That is very true,” Sonny laughed even more nervously. “I’ll uh, I’ll take a seat and get our drinks ordered,”

“Excellent,” Rafael smiled at him, probably one of five times in the entire time they’d known each other. He gave Sonny one more pat on the back before walking after where you had stomped off to.

He found you right before you hit the front door, his hand catching yours before it could grab the handle. You turned and scoffed at him, your scowl still present after stomping off.

“Oh, come to appease me, counselor? How can I be of service to you?” You snapped.

“Please, Y/N,” He gave you apologetic eyes as he pulled you closer to him. “I’m sorry, I just-- I didn’t want Carisi to think anything was off. He already caught us being handsy, I had to make it look like we disliked each other,” He explained.

“Oh I think you’ve done that above and beyond, jackass,” You huffed. “First I’m too stupid to not get robbed in the city, and then I’m too uncultured to understand ‘high society’ manipulative bullshit?”

“I’m sorry, I may have gone a little over--” He started.

“But that wasn’t even an act, was it?” You interjected angrily.

“What do you mean?” He asked you curiously.

“Your line of you having ‘use’ of a person? I assume that is why you have a room full of powerful people you dislike as opposed to a room full of sycophants?” Yeah, you might just go to community college but you knew big words too.

“I mean, that is how it works--”

“Jesus Christ,” You shook your head with a laugh. “You know I understood for about half a second why my cousin is so infatuated by you, but I am losing that belief real quick,” You turned and started to walk away again.

“Y/N come on,” He grabbed both of your arms this time and pulled you close into him, your noses almost touching.

“Look I’m-- I’m sorry, that I’m---this,” He gestured to himself.

“But that’s just how I have to be in their world,” He gestured back towards the room. “I’m telling you, it’s a room full of sharks. If I show weakness or misstep in decorum, I’m nothing but chum to those people,”

“The guy you met the other night, that’s the real me,” He put a hand to your cheek. “I never get to be that guy, not in public. That’s why I was so attracted to you,” He put his other hand on your waist.

“I don’t have to be ‘Rafael Barba, the snarky ADA with a silver tongue,’ I can just be…’Rafa’,” He gave you an earnestly sad smile.

“I’m sorry,” You blinked in confusion. “I know I’m not helping myself but what exactly is the ‘ADA’?”

Your question brought that familiar amused grin and a laugh. “See, this is what I’m talking about,”

“Oh yeah I know, the ignorant girl you can placate--”

“No,” He put a finger on your lips. “The earnest, normal, gorgeous girl,” He kissed your forehead. “I’m sure if we took a poll in here right now the majority of the room would be with you, not knowing what an ADA is,”

“Which still doesn’t answer the question,” You pointed out.

“I…” He tried to think of a way to explain his role in the Manhattan judicial system. “Well, the DA of the county is like-- the King of Lawyers in that section. Or queen, as my boss is Rita,” He shook his head with a laugh. Oh Rita Calhoun, the stories he could tell about her.

“So, you’re her king?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Eh, I’d say Prince but she’d probably say Jester if she heard this metaphor to be honest with you,”

“Mmm I like that,” You finally let yourself smile at him.

“A Prince?” He grinned.

“The Jester,” You gave him a tongued smile, settling against his chest.

“Well, I’ll gladly take that title if it makes you happy,” He kissed your forehead. “I’d do anything to make you happy right now,”

You looked into his green eyes, they were now their usual sparkling green hue, and you remembered very quickly how you had gotten yourself in this mess in the first place. He really was a sweet, charming, gorgeous guy. And then you remembered those were probably all the reasons Sonny fell for him too.

“Ahem.” You straightened up and stepped out of his grasp. “Well, what would make me happy right now is getting back to my cousin,”

“Oh,” Rafael’s eyes softened into a sad gaze.

“Rafael, I think he really likes you,” You bit your lip with guilt. “And you toying with him just now isn’t helping!”

“Toying with him?” Rafael’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion? “I wasn’t toying with--”

“Sit by me, Carisi? You’re important to me, Carisi?” You imitated his questions in a mocking tone.

“I had to ask him that so you would--” He started to explain, but you already knew.

“I know!” You stopped him. “I know, that’s why it’s so fucked!” You put your hands over your face.

“Carino…” Rafael walked over and pulled your hands from your face and held them.

“I’m hurting him every second that I stand here with you, and I--” You bit your lip trying not to cry. “I’m still doing it! I can’t walk away!”

“So don’t,” He squeezed your hands with an even sadder look.

“This is just--” You broke free from his grasp once again and wiped your eyelids. “We need to get back before Sonny comes after you,”

“....So where does this conversation leave us, then?” He asked you cautiously.

“I don’t…” You gazed into his puppy dog emerald eyes. “I don’t know, I don’t want to think about it right now, okay?”

“Fair enough,” He put his hands down in concession. “...But we really need to--”

“Yeah, I know,” You nodded softly as you walked back to the private room, Rafael trailing behind you.

All you could think on the way back was how in God’s name were you going to make it through the rest of the night.

[immrbrightsideeee]

I posted 12,266 times in 2022

297 posts created (2%)

11,969 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@nightimestar

@viva-la--resistance

@impala67-aka-baby

@fandomfoodiedancer

@stressedsnake

I tagged 562 of my posts in 2022

#delete later - 44 posts

#asks - 24 posts

#random rambles - 15 posts

#nickapocalypse - 9 posts

#cagepocalypse - 8 posts

#maneskin - 8 posts

#nick cage - 7 posts

#our flag means death - 5 posts

#goncharov - 5 posts

#umbrella academy - 5 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#this is a really interesting thing for me (christian) to read cause like these are some solid points? that really makes sense? i'm confused

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

nick, where's the treasure?

Oh, please. I am the national treasure

62 notes - Posted April 23, 2022

#4

Hiiiii!

Are you open for a tiny request, Love? It's cool if you're not but in case you are (and that's entirely too many words there lol), could you do something fluffy with Remington? Like a movie night with lots of cuddles and fun and comfort? I need a hug lol

I also wouldn't say no to some smut but that's your decision

Anyway, you're amazing <3

Love you

OK I'm sorry it took so long!!! Anyway there might be a fluffy smutty part 2 idk :)

Movie Night

Remington Leith x reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: none, just fluff.

Summary: Remington and Y/N have a fun movie night

It had been a week. A long week. The kind of long, endless week that had you lying face down on the couch groaning the moment you got home. You wanted your snuggliest PJs, your best friends, boyfriend, movies and some pizza. But people were busy. And there was work to do. And cleaning. And a tonne of other responsibilities falling down onto your shoulders, and you were exhausted.

When your cat came up to give you an affectionate headbutt, you couldn't help but think why couldn't life for humans be as simple as a house cat? You get fed, loved, you play all day and night and do what you want? It was while you were pondering philosophies and cats that you felt your phone vibrating in your pocket. You frowned. Please don't be anyone important, please don't be stressful, please don't...

Oh. It was your boyfriend, Remington. You shuffled yourself around on the couch, rolling over and barely avoiding tumbling off as you answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey Y/N, how are you doing?” Remington's voice was a comforting sound on the other end of the phone.

“I'm good, you??” You shot back immediately, so quick that Remington got suspicious.

“..Riiight, I don't believe that but I'm not gonna push you right now. I'm actually not doing so good,” he said, slowly, “Today has just been shitty, and anyway I was wondering if you're free?”

“Ah, yeah, when?”

“Um, now? It's OK if not, I get that there's a lot going on it's just that, I dunno, I miss you.” His voice was so soft and sweet and you could almost picture him scrunching up his face a little and rubbing the back of his neck. The image melted your heart. How was he so impossibly cute all the time?

“I'm free, and I miss you too, trust me.”

It had been a few weeks since the two of you had seen each other, Remington was busy writing and recording his and his brother's new album, and you were busy with work and family responsibilities. There wasn't much time to see each other, and it was breaking both of your hearts. But you tried not to think about it, you talked every day anyway. But seeing him tonight would definitely revive you.

“So, got any ideas?” you asked, changing the mood to something lighter.

“Would it be OK if I come over? I just feel like staying in, but I also can't stand being away from you any longer, and I really can't handle another hour alone with my brothers.” Remington laughed a little and you smiled without meaning to, only able to imagine the nonsense the boys had gotten up to that day, let alone week.

“'Course! Just, um, give me a few, OK? I'm a bit of a mess at the moment.” You thought of the pile of clothes all around your room and the stack of dishes.

“Aw baby, you know I don't care about any of that, but if it makes you feel better would half an hour be good?”

“Yeah, it should be.” There was silence as the conversation started to end, then you spoke. “Oh! Wait, would it be annoying if I ask you to bring some dinner? I don't have it in me to cook.”

“Sure! What do you feel like?”

“Ah, surprise me, I trust you.” You smiled into the phone and could just about feel him smiling back. He let out a slight laugh of delight and you both said your good byes and got ready.

See the full post

77 notes - Posted May 31, 2022

#3

this has the same vibes as this

112 notes - Posted April 23, 2022

#2

nick caged

129 notes - Posted April 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

139 notes - Posted April 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[butchba1t]

Ok so. I'm a ~complete stranger~. I've never seen your blog before, never interacted before, we probably run in completely different circles here on Tungle dot heck. I just happened to see your most recent post about the pronouns when I decided to check out the hurt/comfort tag before bed (idk why it showed up there? It just did). So honestly, feel free to completely disregard this message, especially if you just wanted to vent and don't want any advice.

But! But. The thing is, I saw your post, and like. I've Been There.

I've been in a super similar situation. I questioned my gender and my pronouns for a super heckin long time, all thru high school and beyond, and I didn't come out as non-binary to my Very Not Cis group of friends for the longest time because of all the doubts. I kept thinking, well, I can't REALLY be non-binary, because *insert many many many many MANY different doubts and justifications here*.

I just wanna share a few things that I wish I knew years ago, and I hope they help.

(Forgive me if I repeat myself or am slightly incoherent, it's late and I'm very sleepy.)

1. You are not faking. There are no "qualifications" to being non-binary. You don't need to check off a certain number of things off a checklist in order to be considered "really" non-binary. Your gender is up to you, and you alone, and if anyone tries to tell you that you don't "count" because you don't experience *insert thing*, then screw them (and not in a fun way). They don't dictate your identity or your life.

2. You Do Not Need To Have All The Answers. You don't need to have every little aspect of your identity nailed down and sequestered into a neat little box that will stay the same forever! You don't have to have a Final Answer, life isn't an essay question that has to be submitted by a certain date! You don't have to pick something and commit to it forever. You don't need to make any sort of Final Decision on what your gender is. You don't even need a definite answer to the question "what is your gender identity", you can just shrug and go "wouldn't you like to know, weather boy >:3" and leave it at that!

Half the time I describe my gender as "girl in the same way a square is a rectangle, non-binary in the way that pink is light red" (yes I stole that from a tiktok audio, why do you ask?)! And that's fine!

3. I'll let you in on a secret: you can change your gender and pronouns as many times as you want!!! You can use they/them today, she/her tomorrow. You can use they/them for 20 Heckin Years, then decide one day that you wanna use neo-pronouns! Or you wanna use she/her! Doing so does not invalidate the time you spent using they/them, and doesn't mean you were "faking".

Gender is fluid and weird and wibbly-wobbly. Sometimes it's vaguely incomprehensible. Sometimes everything clicks and makes perfect sense. Sometimes it stays the same over a life time, and sometimes it changes slowly over a lifetime, and sometimes, for some people, it changes day to day.

It's okay to be scared and uncertain. You have a whole lifetime to figure yourself out, and a whole lifetime of things to learn and experience. You don't have to nail down everything right now, and you're allowed to change pronouns as many times as you want.

You said your friend used gender neutral language for you, and it made you happy! That's great!!! Go ahead and keep using gender neutral terms! Maybe you'll change your mind later, maybe you won't, and it doesn't matter which one it ends up being!

What matters is what makes you happy, and what helps you feel most comfortable and content in day to day life.

Again, I'm sorry to pop out of nowhere like this into your inbox and leave a huge essay, but I just. Your post really hit me somewhere personal and close, and I wanted to share all the things I wish I knew 3 years ago.

I hope you find what makes you happy, and I wish you a wonderful, wonderful life. Goodnight, sweet dreams in whatever time one you're in, and best of luck on your journey through life.

Thank you so much. This was a really important message for me that you sent at the perfect time. Every now and then I come and read it again and I think it’s time for me to share this with other people who might need to read this as well and I hope it helps them too.

[aelaer]

Thanks for answering that last ask, lol. I half-expected you were going to ignore it tbh. I was hesitating when I wanted to send the ask, bcs, well, duh. It's controversial af lol. Just wanted to let ya know that you're not the only one with that view. (Great minds alike, am I right?) So please don't stop. Really.

This is gonna be a bit of a rant, and if you feel the need not to answer this ask, due to the fear of causing controversy in your blog, I 100% understand. Dunno if tumblr will cut off my ask so i'm hoping this is sent in its full-form.

I honestly agree that Tony gets maybe a *bit* too much spotlight (especially after the CACW shit and fans picking team tony/steve), and I hate that Stephen is just used as a plot device. I don't get why exaggerating a char's innocence is a good thing. Especially if they put other characters *too* antagonised and spiteful. It's petty. And putting another character in it (refer this as Stephen) as a plot device to make the main char more angelic is just.... idk. I'm only using rather insensitive words bcs I'm on anon ngl hahahahah.

Which is why, when I found your ao3 profile, I felt like you saved my life. Cus like. Idk. It's rare to find fics alike. Not really good with words so yeah.

Also thanks sm for tagging your fics properly, lest I wouldn't have found your works.

Ik some authors who share the same idea with the matter, but either they wanted to reach a wider fanbase by venturing into ships and fulfilling people's cravings (that require an ooc stephen, wince), or they simply don't have the writing capabilities to match their intentions -- like you do -- yet, I'm not so sure.

So basically yeah. Binge read your works this week. You're doing super great. Please keep going or else I would've probably never been here in the first place.

Fucking love your works. Don't hate on me for this if you happen to find it irrational ;-; Though if you do, I'm honestly interested with what you think. Sorry for sending a long ass ask.

Hey it's all chill, my anon friend. I really try not to hate on folks, even when I don't agree with everything they say or do. The world needs more empathy after all. And you've done nothing wrong in this ask here.

I personally don't ignore asks. It may take a month or two to get to some as it has in the past during busy or bad seasons, but I get to them. (I also don't get a ton so they're easy to answer haha.) The only ones not answered are short fic prompts that have taken me over 2 years to get to, which I'd like to finish eventually... some day.

I expanded on the topic about other characters in the last ask so I won't get into it again here, but I will say that unfortunately Stephen is not a terribly popular character compared to many other MCU characters like Tony, Bucky, and Loki. It makes finding fic starring him very challenging. He's also a difficult character to write well, though I applaud folks for trying, truly. It's great when people challenge themselves and don't let the fear of failure or judgement keep them from trying.

Anyone who hasn't written Stephen because they're not sure how to write him, or have written him but aren't confident with their writing of him, I recommend rewatching his origin film in particular as that's often forgotten for what we saw in IW and Endgame. There's also some good video essays about the character on YouTube. Some fanfic of him is good, while others are very bad, so it's a hit or miss there. One shot character pieces that are not concentrating on a ship tend to be more reliable, in my experience, for a better character analysis because the goal of the piece as a one shot is more a character study, and without the romance you aren't looking at the character as part of a unit. You need to know the character before you study how he works as a romantic partner, IMO.

I'm hoping his film helps his popularity, but I do have some fears that it will be drowned out a bit by Wanda. We'll have to see what happens on AO3 in particular, which is where my primary fandom interest lies in this case. I really, really want to see fic that isn't just reader inserts. Totally legit fanfic, but romance is already not my cup of tea and, if they aren't just smut pieces, those tend to be caretaker-Stephen fics which are a dime a dozen with his fics with Tony and Peter. So yeah, hopefully there will be more variety in the coming weeks. Of the action/adventure/drama type. A girl can dream.

I'm thrilled you like my writing. And also my tagging, some of the tagging is very hard to complete with some of the one shots xD but seriously, you're sweet. And you're good. Don't sweat it ❤️

[keyframe-moved]

This turned into way more of a ramble and is WAY more personal than i was expecting sorry I guess I needed to talk about my feelings for a bit NIJDOJNSJIND

The tl;dr is that this may turn into an actual system blog in a couple weeks . Maybe not though. Undecided

You can read the rest if you want

Latest thoughts and feelings about how our system functions have had really awkward timing considering me inevitably hyperfixating on Legends Arceus is going to affect communication and our ability to switch for a little while . So like everything we want to try and do will probably have to wait until after the hype wears off . N E ways while we're still deciding because we really don't like hanging around System Tumblr (we softblock most system blogs who follow us for a reason) I think if it helps our communication + our system really abruptly changing Everything About How We Function we might turn this blog into a more standard system blog . Where like everyone has their own talking tag and stuff

We've considered doing that in the past but it feels.. weird? Specifically like we're opening ourself up to fakeclaiming. Our system is mostly (ALMOST entirely) alters who identify as some form of Pokémon-related fictive right now, which I honestly wouldn't blame a complete stranger for thinking is Off and a sign that we're "roleplaying" or whatever . Our close friends who we actually talk about this stuff with know that we weren't always like this and it was the result of a weird mass-fusion our brain did after we stopped being active in the wider plural community a few months ago, and have repeatedly assured us that it never even crossed their mind that we're just making this all up to roleplay as Pokespe characters, but I can see how it could have That Vibe to people at a first glance

I also kind of worry about if our communication Stays Bad or if things don't work out I'll be restructuring this blog for Nothing and it'll be awkward, like I'll just have a weird phase in this blog's history where my headmates posted sometimes and then they stopped . Idk why I'm worried about that this a very chaotic blog but it feels like it's SOME level of organized and turning it into a system blog would require it to become more organized, which,, will be weird if it just Stops . I wouldn't know what to do with the leftover tagging system or the posts by my headmates that are just There now . I could resolve this by just having a seperate system blog from my main but again I have really little interest in actually being active in the plural community and also having a sideblog for something almost feels like I'm trying to hide something away . I have a sideblog for pokepastas because I know i have followers who don't like horror content and want to accommodate for them . If someone didn't want to follow me because they Dont Like that I'm a System I wouldn't accommodate them I'd just block them IJNDONJSJINC..

ANYWAYS yeah I have stuff on my mind . FNSJINCJBIS obviously I will let you guys know of we make any massive changes to how this blog runs but for now we just have Ideas . I'm going to go work on brainweird symbolic system art now

[scientistowengottlieb-newtkelly]

10 Year Picrew

tagged by @cheesedemarco so i might as well do this hjskgjksjfjgk thanks bro 💕

2010

~2nd grade, 7-8 yrs old

- loved or thought they loved the color pink Wholeheartedly

- cats made Everything better, thought they might be part cat and loved to imagine that they were because they grew up around cats

- i legit don't know how no one thought "hm, something is Off with this one" but no one picked up on them being Different other than the kids smh so i got picked on a bit

- sisters kept asking if they were gay because they had a fixation on katy perry's "i kissed a girl". did not quite know what being gay was.

- put into a gifted program, got confused, never showed up to classes unless the teacher showed up to get them but thinking back was probably supposed to just leave

- like 2 close friends and that was It

- emotionally invested in binging animal planet docuseries'

- wants to be a vet when they grow up

- lots of really Weird ideas that thinking back on now just resulted in spending time alone and thinking or playing alone

- attention seeker :))) didn't receive any :)))))))

- "why are boys and girls treated so differently, i don't understand?? what makes me a girl??"

- polo.... ticks???

- first time cutting their hair "short" (bob cut, just above the shoulders, Loved It and then Hated It, wanted the mako mori haircut despite mako not existing yet)

- first signs of anxiety showed up around this time

2015 (pt. 1)

6th-7th grade, 12-13 yrs old

- sad emo bitch, honestly

- melodramatic as fuck, i would not be friends with them now if i knew them

- attention seeking at its worst

- anxiety at its worst

- lots of pushing people away and isolating from friends in fear of making things worse for them having to see me emotionally compromised in any way

- lots of having to talk people down because they managed to make friends with probably over half of the school's Depressed Children population and had even more online

- first boyfriend, didn't turn out hjskgjskg peer pressured into a few firsts actually

- loved loved loved black veil brides and h*talia/anime in general, do not come for me and do not ask for details, i will deny ever existing during this time period

- first discovers the lgbtq community

- first makes an instagram account

- first discovers what fandom and fanfics are

- first writes fanfics like a fucking madman, literally could pull three short fics out of their ass every day, edited and everything, but never posted them out of fear of rejection and criticism

- really REALLY wants to be an author but doesn't have any kind of faith in themself or their ability

- makes friends who like their writing and latches onto them for the next Ever (still friends with them now 🥰)

- couldn't manage their obsessions with fiction and it negatively affected their life in a few ways

- first girlfriend, still miss her as a friend, but didn't turn out because they still had a lot of Emotions they didn't know how to process

- joins kik and makes a lifelong friend and qpp :))

- finally let themself say fuck. come on bb u can do it just not in front of ur parents ok?

- "i HATE politics that shit is SO ANNOYING and i will NEVER be political ùmú rawr xd >:((((("

- maybe like two other girlfriends or so, was Really Just Going Thru It, Wanted To Find Themself (and also didn't know how to say no to people in fear of disappointment)

- noticable difficulty keeping track in school compared to before

- miles mckenna

- "wait, you can trans your gender?"

2015 (pt. 2)

7th grade, 13 yrs old

- still probably wouldn't be friends with them but better than before

- mom upon being asked to let me cut my hair in the "ellen cut": BUT YOU'LL LOOK LIKE A LESBIAN???

- my reaction, still partially in the closet: YES. AND???

- technically out as genderfluid and pan, did nothing to actually insinuate they wanted to shift what pronouns people used for them because "Oh But What A Burden That Would Be On Others :("

- happier with themselves but still Going Thru It because they didn't know how to put their feelings into words yet

- also a constantly fear of being perceived as annoying or a nuisance

- touch aversion appeared out of seemingly nowhere, got worse over the course of the next two years or so

- sleep deprivation ×1000000000

- more school difficulties,,,

2020

high school senior, nearly 18 yrs old

- successfully transed their gender... mostly. almost 2 years on t. will probably never be out as nonbinary to most family. but at least they have a mullet-in-progress

- been in therapy for somewhere over 2 years, maybe close to 3??

- somewhat learned how to say no and stand up for themself and has removed toxic people from their life successfully :))

- actually has some semblance of confidence!!! you go bitch!!! comfortable in their body after t once they realized their remaining dysphoria was almost strictly social

- emotionally good but physically and mentally running on fumes and fixations

- has come to realize that they probably have undiagnosed adhd and that their therapist needs to get bent because he keeps telling them "no" and then after they talk to him about it he goes "ok maybe..." with no real answer, thanks roger 💕

- overly friendly???? just wants to make people smile and this time knows that if they don't that it's okay because at least they got to smile about it

- fixated HEAVILY on pacific rim and iasip, and torchwood (but mostly just on charlie day and burn gorman BECAUSE of pacific rim hjskgjskjgkahgkg)

- trying to get back into writing fics so hard but things just do no be coming as easily as they once did

- "i type in all lowercase because i FUCKING HATE CAPITALISM"

- probably a maoist idk i'm still Learning new things every day

- manages to actually run a tumblr blog and make friends without having borderline panic attacks??? fun times y'all

- extremely grateful to see how far they've managed to get :)

sorry for uhhhhh putting my life's story on here LMAO anyway. i tag ummmmm anyone who sees this and wants to do it!!! here's the picrew!!! have fun!!!

[tjskipping]

tumblr won't let me answer the ask so im just gonna answer it here!! edit: I HAVE TRIED THIS THREE TIMES TUMBLR ISTG IM GONNA THROW HANDS

sskkfjf anon idk who you are but i love you. im not sure why you think that but thank you!! you don't have to apologize lol i was just making sure we were on the same page!!

im gonna add a read more later bc im on mobile rn :(

okay so i haven't unfortunately seen an actual plotted au with both andi mack and bts but here is @ripmccolfer 's post about who the characters would have as their bias that i love!! and here is mine (but it's kind of messy jjd the first one is way better) and there's some ambi headcanons about them fighting over biases in the comments!

(also not to self promo but i made a tyrus video edit for make it right here if you want)

anon you have no idea how much i love making rec lists thank you for this opportunity. here are some of my favorite bts social media aus on ao3:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16325072

(a bare abyss) next to my skin ( yoonjin, rated M, 39.6k words)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15246639

Close But No Cigar (gen, rated G, 42.9k words, please read the tags, it might have some triggers so please be careful! <3)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18586336

fellas,,, is it gay,,, (junghope, rated G)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8211316

let's play for keeps (jikook, rated T, 3.9k words)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14412006

burning candles (vmin, rated T, 23k words, incomplete)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13410294

No Spell Can Cure Shyness (except maybe love (yoonmin, rated T, 29.5 k words, my friend recced this to me and i've only read some of it so far but i really liked it!!)

im gonna be honest skkd i haven't read many tumblr aus (three to be exact), but my favorite was by someone i used to be friends with, im learning (how to love myself). it's deleted now :( bc their blog got deleted unfortunately and i only have some parts reblogged. but here are the other two!!

Spotlight by @agustdyccngi (yoonmin, incomplete)

au by @busanaus (jikook, i only started this one yesterday because of your ask by i really liked it!!!)

hooooo boy i really love fanfiction so it's gonna be hard to choose but!!! some of my favorite fics on ao3:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8049958

Platonically in Love (rated T, 5k works, platonic ot7)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7767229

on quiet days (and always) (platonic, seokjin centric, rated T, 6k words, one of my absolute favorites)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8242232

maps to you (rated T, taekook, 13k words)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7110169

The Bet (jikook, rated T, 46.4k words)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6145572

Find The Value of an Elephant (namjin, rated T, 57.9k words)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13764771

Non sum qualis eram (I am not such as I was) (namkook, rated T, 35.4k words)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5922976

Vending Machines and Bad Ideas (2seok, rated G, 5k words)

i hope you enjoy these!!! feel free to hmu if you want more or just to talk!! both about bts and in general!! and thank you for sending me this ask lol i love talking about bts

also!! what's your favorite au/fic?

and sorry for not adding the links properly but the last three times i added ao3 links it wouldn't post :( so i made it different colors to help differentiate!! (and also bc i like colors and i deserved it after putting up with tumblr being awful)