#sorry idk how to grieve properly

[struniolos]

sorry for being a little m.i.a and not as active the past few days, had a death in the family and am not doing too great. not feeling as freaky & horny as usual lmfao. part two of guitar lessons won’t be until at least next week, need time to get back in the zone :3

[saetoru]

✩ ‧₊˚ ✩。08:00 PM — AL-HAITHAM.

idk i just felt like. writing haitham grieving his grandmother. it’s also a slight character study ig. idk if anyone will read this but if you do. just know that he is the core of my heart. his grandmother too i mourn her death so much sobs

“hey,” you say gently, sitting next to him. al-haitham only grunts in acknowledgment, slumped on the couch. “d’you want dinner? i made your favorite.”

“not hungry,” he mumbles.

his grandmother’s death anniversary is a sore spot. it’s a day you tiptoe around carefully every year. you don’t know much about his family—just that he was orphaned very young and raised by his father’s mother until the ripe age of 16. you’ve seen the dainty handwriting inside the covers of books, and you’ve even seen a small, framed photograph that he keeps stowed away.

sometimes, you wish he’d tell you. you wish the far away look and the clenched fist around the fabric of his pants would ease with your presence. you wish he’d tell you about her, that you’d know the woman who raised the man you love—even if only through hushed words and old stories.

“you hate sleeping on an empty stomach,” you hum, placing your hand over his clenched one.

his fist loosens a little—progress.

“i…” he pauses, let’s out a heavy sigh before letting his head fall back. there’s tension in his shoulders, in his neck, in the jaw he keeps so tightly clenched. “i won’t be sleeping for a bit. sorry,” he tries to sound apologetic. you don’t hear much in his tone besides defeat. “you can head in without me.”

“that’s okay,” you shrug, forcing his clenched fingers apart to weave yours in with his. “i don’t sleep well without you anyway.”

“suit yourself,” is all he says.

and it’s silent for a bit. he seems to be thinking deeply—or reminiscing, maybe grieving. maybe all three, but you’re not too sure. you’re never too sure when it comes to how al-haitham feels about anything.

he’s hard to decipher—but he’s easy to pull apart. you don’t understand how someone as hard and calculating as him is so gentle with love, but it’s hard not to notice how soft his touch is, how it lingers, how the tips of his fingers long for you. you don’t doubt he loves you—he never gives you the chance to.

but sometimes….sometimes you wish he’d let you love him properly. to kiss the scars. to admire the parts he thinks are ugly. to shelter the thoughts that have no home besides his own head.

it’s silent for a bit—until it’s not. you break the silence first, like you’re holding a hand out for him from the shore as he drifts aimlessly.

“baby?” you ask quietly. he grunts again in response. “what was she like?”

“who?”

al-haitham is a smart man. probably the smartest you’ve ever met. you don’t think you’ve ever met someone who read physics books as a pastime, and you’re pretty certain he’ll always be the only one. you know he knows exactly what you’re asking and you know he’s avoiding it.

but it doesn’t stop you though—it’s been long enough, you think. you’ve known him long enough. craved him for a few summers and loved him for enough winters that he has pieces of you that fall through the cracks of your resolve.

you think you deserve a few pieces of him too—even if your fingers have to reach past the cracks themselves, even if they have to slice against the jagged edges and bleed a little in the process.

you’ll bleed for him—like the sun rises from the east and sets in the west, your heart beats for al-haitham. and it’ll bleed for him too.

“your grandmother,” you whisper. “you’ve never told me about her.”

“there’s not much to tell,” he shrugs. “she died right before i enrolled in the akademiya and she raised me after my parents died.”

“i’m sure there’s more,” you say gently—his grip has tightened on your hand now. you don’t think he realizes—in fact, you don’t think al-haitham realizes half of what he feels when it comes to vulnerability.

it’s why he realizes he loves you so late. it’s why you fall first and he falls after. but he falls harder—it’s not hard to see.

“she was a kshahrewar scholar,” he offers blankly.

your thumb brushes over his knuckles, and it’s almost like your hand reaches past the shore just a little further—you don’t mind risking the fall into the water if it means pulling him out.

“haitham,” you sigh delicately. he swallows. it’s hard to keep composure for long—even for someone like him.

grief is an evil thing. it’s a familiar friend—one you wish you never made and one you’ll never shake away. it dances with you under the moonlight, when the stars are bright but the sky is heavy. it barely grazes your skin some days but weighs into your bones on others. it’s a cruel thing really—and it hits you harder some moments than others.

“she was kind,” he starts slowly, his hand reaching out and grabbing yours over the shoreline. maybe, just maybe, sometimes he can get tired of drifting too. “she liked to bake. her hands got too weak to knead dough when i got older, though. you would have liked her tarts. she couldn’t read without her glasses and she always forgot they were on her head. she said my father looked like her husband and that i look like my father. she used to ask me to read to her sometimes so i’d sit on her lap and read my books out loud. she loved the sunrise but was never good at waking up on time to see it. she used to drink tea during sunsets. she liked hers extra sweet and i liked mine more bitter. i…” he pauses, voice shaky as his fingers dig into your hand. you squeeze, and he sniffles. “i haven’t had tea since she passed.”

“she sounds lovely,” you whisper. “i would have loved to meet her.”

“she’d have loved you,” he cracks a small smile, shaking his head as he thinks. “probably more than she loved me.”

“i’m sure i’d never compare to her darling grandson,” you chuckle, bumping arms with him. his head drops to your shoulder—you hesitate for a moment before deciding to pull him into your chest. and when he doesn’t protest, when he buries himself into you instead of pulling away, you thread your fingers into his hair.

“i miss her,” he croaks quietly.

“i know,” you soothe. “i know, baby.”

al-haitham has only ever known love twice in his life. one is gone but it lives through the other. the gentle touch against his scalp and the warmth under his cheek is familiar—it feels like the lap he slept on when he was six. it feels like the delicate hands that cupped his cheeks when he was eight. it feels like the soft kisses against his temple when he was ten.

al-haitham has only ever known love twice in his life, and he’s glad that one of them is you.

“you’d have loved her too,” his voice breaks. you kiss his head as you feel your shirt dampen.

“i already do,” you murmur, “she raised you well. i have her to thank.”

his breath hitches at that—and then he pulls you closer, grasps you tighter, falls in love with you harder. his grandmother’s death anniversary has always been a sore spot—but somehow, you numb the ache even if by just a little.

gently, your hand clasps his and pulls him to shore. he’s grateful he doesn’t have to drift alone anymore.

there is nothing i’m more obsessed with than al-haitham’s childhood. i have so many thought about it. and him. and his character. and his inner thoughts and feelings and most of them revolve around his grandmother and more importantly her passing. and idk. he’s just sosososo important to me i wish we knew more about his grandmother. i love her so much i grieve her passing even though we’ve never even met her 😭

[sixosix]

roommate!lyney annoying you, fluff, kissing, profanity lol!!! feminine french pet name used once (1), implied secret relationship. written in like 30 mins not proofread

“lyney, who the fuck ate my takeout?!”

that’s a stupid question; there’s only the two of you in this dorm room. exasperated, you throw yourself back on the couch, grieving your lost takeout that is most likely sitting in your boyfriend's stomach. lyney pops out of his bedroom with a cute smile and guilt hidden in closed eyes. he walks to you in slow steps, hands hidden behind his back.

you watch him with narrowed, suspicious eyes.

“ma chérie,” lyney purrs, and you hope there’s enough venom in your glare to take him down, “do you want a magic trick?”

you stare blankly. you do not want a magic trick.

lyney makes an undignified noise, flopping himself on top of you and the one-seat couch; you barely manage to get your laptop out of the way before he crushes it. “come on, entertain me. you have been giving your laptop more attention. do you want a magic trick or not?”

“if it’s about my food, i’m about to make you disappear.”

lyney fans his face as he turns, whistling. “you’ve done it again. you’re so charming when you glare so heatedly at me like that,” he coos, pressing his nose on your cheek and smiling against your skin.

you groan, pushing his face with your palm. “are you a freak?”

“if calling me that is what it takes for you to realize i just want you to look at me,” he agrees solemnly, muffled by you smothering his lips.

“i know i’m your roommate and everything, but you have a twin. do you have to bother me? aren’t you all for ‘family is everything’ and all that? how will they react if they see their lyney clinging onto his roommate like a lovesick parasite?”

“lynette doesn’t even like talking. and i like looking at you,” lyney says, nearing a whine. he persists in slotting himself between the couch armrest and your body, arms wrapped around your waist. it doesn’t budge when you tug on it.

“you can look at me without bothering me.”

lyney blinks owlishly. “oh?”

“entertain yourself,” you snarl, shifting so your back faces him. he buries his nose on the back of your neck, humming thoughtfully.

he then he kisses where your skin is bare, sighing softly. “i’m sorry. i wanted to take you out tonight.”

“dumbass,” you say, adding more to your essay with hostility in your fingers. “how are we going to enjoy dinner if you’re already full?”

“i can enjoy dinner if i see you enjoy dinner.” he sounds so serious about it, too. “hey, look at me for a sec. there’s something on your face.”

instinctively, you turn your head, startled when lyney takes it as an opportunity to kiss the side of your lips. “hey—” he interrupts you with a kiss on the other side. “lyney, you—” and then he seals the deal by kissing you properly.

it’s a little uncomfortable with the angle, but that’s far in the back of your mind with the press of his lips and the warmth he’s emanating. lyney’s a personified heater; it does help that he loves touching you in any way he can whenever you get too cold.

you have to pull away yourself, gasping deep breaths. lyney looks extremely pleased with himself. “you eat my takeout and try to distract me from my essay—do you want me to request a new roommate?”

but as you return to your laptop, you realize it’s gone. the pillow you’ve used to place it on top of is notably empty. you check the corners and peer at what you can with lyney’s arms caging you, but it’s not anywhere either.

“what? where the hell did you put it?”

“let me treat you dinner, and maybe i’ll tell you after our date,” lyney sing-songs, expertly swerving from your attack with a bright laugh.  “come on, up you go.”

lyney doesn’t stop until he gets what he wants; it’s the wisest decision to give in as soon as possible anyway.

a/n hello guys this is like a practice round bc i have a longfic for lyney in the works !!!!!!!! but this is kinda lame so idk HELPP

[iwantasquaresbar]

Buddie rambling and speculation (don’t like don’t read :))

I’ve got extreme buddie brain rot, and before this most recent episode I was genuinely like 80% convinced we were gonna get buddie endgame. I always thought it was going to take a while like end of season 8 or in season 9. But I think like every one else that last episode just baffled me. It’s so strange I mean we will see I guess where things are going to go it doesn’t completely change what I think might happen but boy does it confuse me.

Because to me Buck is primed and ready, like he’s ready for a serious relationship, he’s worked out his sexuality and yeah he’s with Tommy at the moment and is happy. Which I’m enjoying he should be able to have a sweet romance. However to me it always seemed like they were intentionally leaving little cracks in their relationship and those cracks if torn open always lead right to Eddie or Buddie. I’m aware I’m delusional. But like 7x04 I feel like we all know Buck was jealous of both Tommy and Eddie. Like that peacocking in gym was not for Tommy, but I do genuinely believe he wanted Tommys attention too. They also spend that whole episode drawing attention to the similarities between Eddie and Tommy. Then Eddie turns up on the date and in my opinion Buck wouldn’t have done the whole hype straight routine if it had been any other character (also don’t love Tommys closet joke or his leaving but also he should be able to protect his own peace).

Then arguably the most intriguing to me is the costumes at the beginning of 7x06 like I agree it’s not that big of a deal that Tommys not in a costume if he’s on call but what is a big deal is having Buck bring it up. Because idk about anyone else i wouldn’t have realised Tommy wasn’t wearing a costume if it wasn’t brought up, and like it would be so easy to put him in a patterned shirt or have a cute moment where buck makes fun of him not being dressed up then like give him some like fun 80s glasses or some shit like that could’ve been a cute moment but no they had Buck be a little disappointed and Tommy act nonchalant. Then they follow it up with a scene where Eddie is the only one interested in bucks plans for a bachelor party and then he suggests matching costumes for them. Like ik im crazy but im not that crazy right like ik that scene is probably more to do with showing that they don’t know each that well yet and they’re learning and how tommy makes an effort to come but like i just don’t know why we got that parallel. Sorry this little thing just drives me insane.

Anyway the point of this post is I believe Buck is ready for buddie like the door is closed because he’s dating someone else but it’s not locked and it’s easy to open up. But Eddie he has so much work to do he needs to properly grieve Shannon and realise he doesn’t need to replace her for his or Chris’s sake. Then maybe he can face that he might not be as straight as he originally thought.

Basically i still definitely believe buddie can happen and be endgame i think they’ve set a good foundation especially on bucks part but Eddie has a long way to go and it’s gonna take time. I think the writers are keeping there options open and we won’t really get an idea if anything will happen between them until probably like end of season 8

[ralibo14]

TPN Brainrots part 2:

Warning: just like the in the previous part... There will be Manga Spoilers.

Since I was unable to finish part 3 of my comic for Emma's birthday (due to being in a place where bringing a laptop was not advised) I will do my head canons and theories on her.

So today's post is about: Emma

Emma is a protagonist in the wrong genre. That was my first thought when I finished season 1 for the first time. Of course now I know how much more complicated her personality is. Introducing her first from the Trio was a really good choice in my opinion, because her cheerful, hopeful, happy and naive personality makes you believe that everything in all right with their lives. Her point of view up until Connie's death really shows how easy it is to believe in a comfortable lie. (not to forget that in canon they're 11-12)

Emma's appearance explained:

Just like I did with Ray... I have something unique to add to each drawing of her. First let's talk about the Freckles! I'm a big fan of interesting character traits, such us freckles, moles, scars, tooth gaps, vitiligo or anything similar to that. Also the red/orange hair🧡! My second favourite hair color in anime & character history (first is black🖤).

When colouring I like to use vivid colours for her clothes (mostly red or orange to bring out her hair). Maybe that's why, my favourite outfit is what she wore in the Goldy Pond Arc.

In the manga colouring above if you look closely, Emma has faint scars on her knees and elbows. Since she most likely do what her heart says before thinking, I imagine that she didn't mind if she scrapped her knees or bruised her elbow, while playing with her friends and family. Physically active kids often fall while playing but, falling hard then getting up again all by yourself is a good way to symbolise their in journey. (Old drawing of mine😅⬇️)

Leader of the Grace Field Group:

Emma simply had to get into the Leader's role after Norman's shipment. I'm sorry to say that but Ray was a bit useless. He was lost in his own pain and gave up all hope (I mean... valid, but still), so she had to plan everything. Norman's letter and the other kids (Gilda, Don, Thoma, Lanni, etc) helped a lot, but she was practically alone. She couldn't even grieve Norman properly. Don't forget that Emma is smart and an amazing actor. She fooled Isabella thinking she gave up too (not to mention that time she slowed her heartbeat so Mom doesn't know she was lying).

My forever favourite moment (Idk why didn't I mention this in the Brainrots part 1) is Emma slapping some sense into Ray (pun intended😁). Like that setting and that scenery is my Roman Empire. Her catching a burning match just in time, not caring about burning her hand, then convincing Ray to excape with her and the rest of the group (Okay actually... let's be honest... she basically had to drag him out of the House). The first glimpse of what Emma is capable on her own. Nerves of steel for cutting her ear off too (her first big sacrifice just to save the others).

After the Excape, she got a lot of help from Ray who also apologised for his behaviour. The two of them comforting each other after thinking Norman died is just such a heart warming scene. Meeting with Sonju and Mujika was a big turning point for Emma, because of three things;

1: Okay first she was scolded because of her recklessness as well as Ray for trying to play the hero, but that not strongly Mujika or demon related. The world opened up for the whole group. They learnt about the Promise and how the world was divided into two.

2: Emma learned and saw from first hand, that not all demon are evil. Mujika helped them despite their differences and the end of that week Emma thrusted her so much she even showed her the photographs of her family and told her about Norman too.

3: Receiving the neklace and the advice to search for the Seven Wall while they're on their journey.

Arriving to B06-32 and meeting Mister/Yuugo there was a new challenge. All the kids saw another 'Isabella' who tried to kill them. Emma, then Ray were the first ones who saw through his facade.

Goldy Pond Arc was Emma time to shine as a leader and as an individual too. Meeting Lucas and the Goldy Pond squad and immediately connecting to them shows how much she cares about others. Her bonding time with Lucas as they uncover the mysteries surrounding the identity of William Minerva.

Fun fact: In my fanfic I like to age up the Grace Field Trio roughly to Oliver's age, because I think this way their personalities are more dominant and clear.

Emma's relationship with adults:

I like to think that Emma never saw Isabella as a monster (not even after discovering the truth). And as truthful as it is. I think Isabella formed a deeper bond with Emma than with her own son. That's because from the Grace Field Trio, only Emma could have been saved by Mom. With the Mom/Sister Program, Emma would have been able to live on, but it's against her nature to harm anyone. Although I found it interesting that that was the original composition of the manga. Emma becoming a Mom and Gilda becoming a Sister (correct me if I know this wrong). Also this picture under... I found it on Pinterest and it's reflects back to my theory of what might happen to the boys.

Meeting Yuugo and Lucas were a complete different experience for the Grace Field kids. The Bunker Dads were the caring parents both group (Grace Field & Goldy Pond) needed and deserved. Not to mention how Emma reminds me both the young and hopeful Yuugo from the past and the clever and patient Lucas of the present. Spending almost two years on the B06-32 shelter while searching for the Seven Wall makes their last goodbye 1000% more heart breaking.

Back to Grace Field Arc is when Emma meets Isabella again. She gets closer slowly but she doesn't have an emotional barricade as high up as Ray or even Norman. Emma forgave her easier, but that doesn't mean she justified the things Mom did with her family. She simply realised that Isabella had no other choice if she wanted to stay alive.

Making the new Promise and the Human World:

First of all King of Paradise Arc? Realising that Norman is still alive?! Oh the the happy tears when I first read that🖤🤍🧡. (Although to tell the truth Ray slapping Norman as soon as he sees him was such a right choice in my opinion) Emma breaking down in tears and hugging Norman was such an emotional and wholesome scene. But the argument after... let's just say I don't like miscommunication and/or characters keeping important secrets to themselves. (*glances at the GF Trio* "All three of you is in trouble")

Ohh Seven Wall Arc my beloved 🧡🖤. I like every bit of this story but Seven Wall Arc holds a special space in my heart. That Arc still holds so much potential to play around. The demon God's power to manipulate time, space and play around with Emma's and Ray's memories was wild. For the demon God name... I call them Elari. (Yes I stared at that nonsense of a word until it looked like a name). It was such a nice touch that the demon God only wanted to talk to Emma, but I couldn't help but feel a bit bad for Ray, because I think he was worried as hell when he woke up alone without Emma on his side. (I also sometimes think about what kind of Reward he would have received if he stayed with Elari).

The Reward Emma got is... without a question... cruel, and I think it was not needed, but I also can't think about something else what she could have gave to Elari if not her memories.

She deserves happiness and I can't say how much I cried when the Ray and Norman + everyone else found her in the human world. In the end I'm happy that Emma and all of them got a relatively happy ending.

Head canon to Human World and Reward: Emma's necklace!! It holds her memories. They just somehow have to find a way to unlock it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO EMMA!!!🧡🧡🧡.

Okay. That's it for Emma. If you have anything else to add, correct or you want to share your own theories just write it in the comments or reblogs. Next post will be the 3rd part of the comic. Then brainstorms on Norman will come.

[teawitch]

Hi so I want someone else's opinion on the matter who is open minded. I find that most people around me are extremely sceptical about every small thing and wouldn't refrain from being negatively bias. I'll give a little background info before asking asking your thoughts and if you have any advice. (Sorry for the long ask.)

To start this off, about 5 or 6 years ago I was sort of told/implied to that I would be the person to heal ancestral scars on my father's side of the family. Me and the person who told me are the only people who knew this and she's not involved in the rest of the story.

My dad passed away 6 months ago. and honestly while I've been a little frustrated because he had nothing prepared so I don't fully get to mourn since I'm stuck cleaning up his mess. I haven't felt true ANGER towards him until like a day or two ago. I haven't told anyone that I finally was angry with him.

Now my mom was meeting with a spiritualist/medium(? idk if she calls herself that) a day or two ago. My mom has been separated/divorced from my dad for 17 years so she wasn't close with him anymore. But she brought up my dad and the medium mentioned two things that took me by surprise. 1)she said she's feeling a lot of anger from me towards him. (which I could write off as assuming I'm going through normal grieving stages but the timing was just so spot on) and 2) My dad is having to do a lot of healing on the otherside. He treated a lot of people poorly he said (especially women) which was a paternal trait passed down in his family. But that I was going to be the person to end that behavior in his line and heal familial wounds. (I'm a woman so I'm not fully sure how the paternal trait of treating women poorly applies to me but 🤷‍♀️

I would love to hear your thoughts as an unrelated third party who seems not to be extremely bias. and 2) if you believe in healing family scars, how do I start? I just feel a bit lost. Thanks for any help or insight you can offer!

Hi,

Okay, this one is one where I have to deal with some personal shit to answer. Having been raised partly in the New Age movement the important thing for me to say is - No one else should ever obligate you to heal ancestral or family scars.

Not saying it isn't work one might take on. More that certain people have a tendency to tell parents that their special child will do the special thing. Which can be annoying.

Now before you can begin to heal ancestral scars, you really need to heal yourself. This can mean proper therapy or a combination or therapy and shadow work. There are some techniques for ancestral healing that build from metaphysical shadow work but honestly, the easiest step is simply not to repeat our ancestors' problems.

We start by not treating other people poorly.

"Learning or "healing" on the other side" is something I see a lot from the New Age and Spiritualist communities. And it's often said to the same people who the deceased treated poorly. But frankly, the place to learn and enact the lessons learned is here where the other people are. We really aren't obligated to spend our time when we should be moving forward stopping to look backward to heal the person who created the past and is no longer here. (This is different from grief. We must move through grief as part of the moving forward process.)

Right now I'd recommend finding a group or therapist where you can talk about your situation with your father and the simple matter of the mess he left behind. You might find Bereavement groups in your area or perhaps Google Death Cafe - they often have a more practical take on things.

Once you've put that anger properly in its place, you can decide where the next step lies.

[arthur-lesters-balls]

Been seeing talk about Orpheus and Eurydice and thinking about satosugu being like a dark version or subversion of them. Like Kenjaku forcefully bringing geto back from the dead to force gojo to look back and have a moment of weakness, of hope, even despite his better judgement and dooming him in an even more tragic way than how Orpheus was doomed (because at least it was their choice). Idk...but I feel like there could be something in thinking about the parallels and also the differences.

hello, sorry for taking so long to answer but i was kind of busy and i wanted sooo bad to sit and think properly about this wonderful concept before saying anything. (BTW THANKS FOR THIS ASK IT RUINED MY LIFE)

to get started i have to talk briefly about orpheus and establish my point of view on his act of looking back. this scene is, in some interpretations, about a lack of trust or defiance of hades' orders. i am, however, much fonder of the more popular interpretations (and the same as yours) about how he looks back not in rebellion, but in wistfulness. so thats the route im taking here. this is ironic, because even though stsg is in my brain 24/7 i've never put gojo and orpheus together, and i feel particularly dumb because whats gojo's story besides him keeping looking back again and again even though he knows he's not supposed to?

"[eurydice] now, who must die a second death / did not find fault with [orpheus], for what indeed / could he be faulted for, but his constancy?"

when it comes to the differences between those stories, what i like the most is the details of what they had to lose and gain, and how many chances they got to do so because, as you said, gojo's dooming is even more tragic than orpheus'. orpheus reward for obeying this rule was gaining eurydice back. when he looks back too soon (in most of the tellings by mistake), it's because he considers that moment the greeting of their new start, a greeting he simply couldnt wait to have in front of him. im most definitely sure that, if given another chance, orpheus wouldnt make the same error. whilst gojo, by not looking at geto, doesnt have anything to win, he only has something to avoid losing. his choice of glancing back whenever geto is there doesnt have any other meaning behind it, its just looking at him for the sake of remembering what he is grieving for. and not only that, but gojo has multiple chances to stop doing so, but he doesnt. he never goes forward. geto dies his premature death when gojo lets him go in shinjuku. then he dies the second time in jjk0, hearing something so kind that he has to ask to be cursed, he has to ask gojo to stop looking back. and now he's "back" again, to his third death, because kenjaku knew gojo would still look back. because gojo's worst fault (when it comes to geto) is his constancy. and this connects to the last point, which is the possibility of kenjaku using this against him again. my opinion is that, if gege plans to keep the coherence of gojo's arc, you're totally right and that'll surely be part of his ending. yes, the main point of his fight with sukuna (from a plot relevance perspective) is obviously weakening him before he fights kenjaku. but this, to me, is much more about laying the groundwork for a heavy and final fight, than to actually being the reason why it'll be special. gojo is a man equivalent to a deity, whose only real weakness is his heart, so if he gotta lose, it'll be through that. it'll be because no matter what he has to give up, he cant keep his eyes from going back to geto. and thats not only if he is to lose, obviously. if gojo survives, he needs closure. we need to see him freeing himself from the mourning of his lost days and make the conscious choice of keeping his head forward.

also, this is just an obs but i really hope we get to see geto at least once again, so we can have his perspective on this whole situation. as much as gojo is similar to orpheus, i can see geto being similar to eurydice. while i do think he will be furious at gojo for being captured because of him (we already saw how he thinks gojo should hate him by now), i cant help but also see him being quite understanding. in jjk0 geto gets to hear gojo expressing how important the days they were together were for him, so his view of that has changed a little now. what could geto say about gojo, but that too well he loved?

[kiraxo]

YOU WATCHED ASTEROID CITY?? ALREADY?? I'm so glad you liked it!!!

Im sorry but um. Some fangirling up ahead.

Did you manage to unpack some of the metaphors yet. Because. That movie is full of them. I watched it 5 times and I still don't completely understand it. But its really sad actually. It's full of metaphors about grief and death and not being able to move on if I understood it correctly. The actor who plays oggie falls in love with the playwriter. And the playwriter writes a film about oggie falling in love with his wife, who dies, and leaves him with immense amounts of grief. Before the play is even done, the playwriter dies, and leaves the actor with immense amounts of grief. But its the 50s, so no one can know about them being together. So the only place he can properly express his grief is as an actor in the play, grieving the death of his wife. When oggie and midge rehears a scene together, midge tells him "use your grief." I think she was talking to the actor playing oggie, not only to oggie himself. There are many other things I could go on about for hours but this is getting out of hand so I'll stop here.

Sorry about this. I love this movie. And by the way everything I just said was my opinion, idk if any of it is true. That's just how I saw it lol

I LOVED IT SOO MUCH, I did notice that there were a lot of metphors and I'm 100% going to watch multiple times to try to understand it as much as I can. The main thing I got from it is that the character (and actors) were looking for meaning, a sense of purpose as Woodrow said, even when the world might be meaningless and absurd they still wanted to find some kind explanation ( I loved how the showed this happening to both the characters as well as the stage actors). I also think it's about grief and how life goes on no matter what happens, even when it feels like the world is ending, it will always keep spinning, I really like the way they portayed this because at the beginning of the movie they did nuclear testing, and it seemed like that was a regulary occerence. And after the Alien visited and the lockdown was lifted the testing continues like nothing ever happened. But yea I'll definitely have to watch it again to tackle more of the metaphors. I also really like how this movie has a kind of existentialist/absurdist philosophy. And I also thought that the cinematopgraphy was incredible but I'd expect no less from Wes Anderson.

Thank you again for recommending🫶. (And no need to apologise for ranting, I love hearing other people's theories about stuff).

[muzzleroars]

The song/piece "13 angels sitting guard 'round the side of your bed" reminds me of you fallen gabe Au especially with the archangels. It especially came to mind when is saw your most recent Micheal (I think I spelled that wrong) drawing.

I'm also curious on how it would go when the other archangels would react when they saw what Michael had done to himself (once again sorry if I'm spelling that wrong) or what Gabe would think when he saw Micheal like that.

And a side side note I like to think if Michael ever came to term with his situation he would show his wounds a lot more with his dress. Initially hiding them but eventually embracing them

(and would you mind if I drew what I was imagining?)

Thank you for your time! Love your art!

(see this!)

oooohhh that song is absolutely beautiful and haunting....immaculate vibes in general but just right for michael tbh idk how to describe it properly, but the sound as well as the album title feel like an echo of something holy, which is exactly what he is at this point. he is the ruination of god's kingdom made incarnate, he is so inextricably tied to it that this was almost inevitable in a sense - with the collapse of god's universe in his absence, michael would always have to follow suit because of how fully he gave himself to it. and when destruction didn't come, he enacted it himself and now he decays with the world.

all three of the archangels respond in their own way to seeing michael again, though grief is the obvious throughline for each of them. i think they all kind of....knew that michael hasn't been okay for a majority of his existence, that the war in heaven left some part of him broken, but that couldn't be spoken about nor would michael admit to it anyway. seeing him now, however, shows how deep those cracks ran, how the loss of god was truly impossible for michael to cope with when his only stability was tied to following his law to its letter. and to see him insist that this is still god's doing, to hear when he expresses to them his joy, his rapture at being kept in god's grace despite what he had done is deeply, disturbingly wrong - nothing in his tone or movement expresses that joy, his voice is flat and distant, his body noticeably still. he says he was saved from his fall, saved from death, like he can't see how much worse this is. like he doesn't want to see.

raphael’s emotions are highly charged yet highly mixed – he openly weeps upon his initial shock wearing off and he begs michael to be healed, to forget everything else he came back for. he is dying, he is rotting away, he needs help, he needs so much help as raphael’s heart breaks and he sobs as the healer who was failed. michael had seen as much pain as gabriel had, had been torn open in battle countless times, but raphael had always been there to stitch him back together. look now, as his flesh decays and he stinks of mold, raphael sees a sickness he doesn’t understand, a deterioration he can’t fix. yet when michael describes what he's done, when he relates how he severed his own light to serve god, raphael actually feels a burning anger burst in his chest that rarely takes hold of him just beside his despair. he did this...to himself. it's a terrible thing and the guilt he feels at his own fury nearly overwhelms him, how selfish it is when michael suffers so much, but he can't let go of it. because they have suffered too, they've gone through so much without him there - he was meant to be their leader, he was meant to take care of them. and now he comes back like this, his body eaten away and with gabriel already lost. yet raphael can't grieve anymore, he can't let anyone else in heaven die and let any more go to ruin...so he stays close by michael's side to desperately apply curative magic with little effect, like the futile, harried attempts to resuscitate a long dead corpse (michael tells him there is no need – why does he fear god’s works or seek to improve them?)

uriel – who awoke upon gabriel’s death but now suffers with severe fatigue and continues to pass out unexpectedly – is deeply distressed, stricken silent between michael’s level voice and raphael’s miserable, despairing sobs. he is still somewhat disoriented, thinking over and over that he’s simply trapped in a nightmare and that he just must weather it as he always has in the centuries he’s spent dreaming. he obeys michael’s orders quietly, raphael begging for his help but he keeps believing if he complies this will pass, this can’t truly be michael. it’s not michael, just a bad dream. but following him into battle against gabriel forces him to come to terms with this being reality, that this is what he woke to. he copes by attempting to understand what’s happened to michael, what went wrong, and if he can convey that to him in a way that might salvage something of his mind. this is not god’s work, god would never do such a thing to one as loyal as michael. he is trapped in death, and uriel seeks to make him acknowledge that, to finally let his pain out even if it’s far too late now. yet at the same time, he is overwhelmed in the existential grief of what it must be like to be michael now, knowing michael’s words are hollow and said only to protect his mind from confronting what he is, and in some ways...it’s cruel to try to force that understanding. uriel knows this, and if michael wasn’t determined to bring so much suffering onto gabriel as a result, he might just have let michael believe all the lies he tells himself. it could be god, he could let him pray for the hours a day he does if that could comfort him in his horrific, unspeakable state. but he is destructive and uriel wants to lead him back to reality as it is.

gabriel experiences a mirrored pain to michael’s – in the same way michael thinks of gabriel’s fall as his fault, gabriel sees michael’s current state as his own. michael, always so dogmatic, so unforgiving, so defined by god he felt more like his shadow than an angel in his own right, had only ever been saved from his own self-destruction by gabriel’s tempering. he counseled michael when he was going too far, knew better than even the others that michael was dealing with unending grief from lucifer’s fall...and gabriel protected him from that. seeing his body rotted open, seeing how he has finally given everything and ruined himself so catastrophically, leaves gabriel in unbearable mourning. michael, upon their reunion, seems so righteous, that his body is a gift from god and that gabriel simply can’t understand that now as a sinner in hell. he feels no pain, he grows new life upon himself, his halo still crowns his head in its glory...yet for all his words, gabriel hears the same reasoning michael has always used, just twisted to its extremes. everything about him is extremes, warped into a zombie’s body without the mind to match. gabriel cries for him, begs him to see beyond his pain, his regret...begs him to see that everything he did was because he worshiped and loved god so much more than anyone else. it’s admirable, it’s still beautiful of him, and he doesn’t need to hate what he is now. he is a reflection of his service, he sacrificed so much more than any other angel in all of heaven. please. see how beautiful that is. no, gabriel wishes it had never happened, he wishes michael knew he never had to hurt himself so, but it was his love that led him there, his love of god and all of heaven. please, come back. please find peace in that. gabriel wants michael to heal from this, whatever that looks like, but he fears he may be too far gone to do that.

(like i said, i am INCURABLY attached to happy endings, and i do like something. adjacent to that for michael. i don’t think he’s working his way out of his depression and he continues to be incredibly withdrawn, but i do like him reconnecting somewhat with his siblings, including gabriel (who’s actually the most adamant about helping him). he would be very private about his body at first still, even with his brothers, but i really love the idea of each of them offering their own jewelry for him so he can decorate himself in all their colors. it makes him a little more open with it over time, wanting them to see how deeply grateful he is for their gifts. additionally, raphael assists him by creating new preservative magic for him even if he can’t reverse the decomposition that’s already occurred. raphael starting his career as the first mortician in heaven)

[fanged-cotl]

I'm interested in knowing about Lamb's follower spouses. What's each of their personalities like? How they became close to Lamb. How do they feel about Narinder? Does Narinder hold any jealousy towards them? Is there any fondness between them and Nari?

(you don't have to answer all of these, just listing off things my brain wonders about.)

I do actually have ideas of their personalities and roles in the cult and what happens with each character respectively but I honestly cannot put it into words until I at least create their ref sheets. (I am currently unmotivated to do it though..) How they grew close to lamb I have less in my head about and how they feel about Narinder i dont know either. I haven't gotten that far with the characters yet. I just recently named 2 of them. Im sorry y'all ;-; I can say that Narinder is jealous, yes.

The timeline I have for the spouse relationships is all kinda foggy rn. I dont know the best way to put things and what the best order of events would be without it being silly. I also wanna draw something about the aging and death of Lamb's first 2 spouses but I can't decide how I want to approach the resurrection ritual & how it would affect death in this universe. I was gonna make it so that resurrection does not affect aging, it just heals fatalities and keeps you alive again for a while. So those spouses did not want to be revived once they grew old. But uhh idk >.> Either way Narinder is not good at consoling Lamb's grieving. He is even critical of Lamb's attachment to followers. When Lamb's new spouse is around he still experiences jealousy (cuz he's still monogamous) , but at this point in time he's less of an ass about things. Learning to live among mortals and enjoy life, all that stuff.

Oh right you did not ask about any of that - oops-

my head is a mess of specific scenes that aren't properly tied together so sorry i'll figure it out someday maybe.. :,D

[im-out-of-it]

Don’t get me started on Gracetopher..

KIT GETS WITH HIS FIRST COUSINS JAMES’ EX GF GRACE WHO…LITERALLY SEXUALLY ASSAULTED HIM WITH KISSES WHILE DATING HIM UNDER A LOVE SPELL! Adoption incest between Gracetopher aside HE BETRAYED HIS COUSIN by sneaking around in secret with and falling for the ex he knows put James through shit for YEARS. James and Grace dating under the facade of that spell for FIVE FREAKING YEARS. Not just a week or months Kit!

It made me care alot less about Kit dying I’m sorry. I know that’s wrong! but I guess I wouldn’t want that to happen to me IRL so I project those feelings in defense of James. Idc it’s still shitty. Imagine your cousin gets with your ex in secret …Screw #Gracetopher shippers especially if they ignore what Grace did to James and only blame Tatiana for HER daughter’s actions, she manipulated her but she gave into it instead of seeking help eventually.

Then had the nerve to defend Grace IN FRONT OF JAMES LATER. When asked how he knew so much about Grace? He LIED to James Thomas and Matthew and says “Errmm Idk” Like grow up and be honest to him instead of trying to seem innocent. James was kinder about that than Kit deserved, he was clearly crushing on his cousins ex even after James told him what she did to James. Gross

honestly all of this is super valid and to me, it’s completely out of Christopher’s character. and this is part of how CC managed to destroy his character. he’s the quirky, intelligent, scientific one. SO TELL ME WHY CC DID THIS

I feel like it’s kind of pushed under the rug what grace did and the affect it had. I personally don’t care about the whole bracelet debacle like I thought too much time was spent on it, but I also think it could have been written better. I don’t even like James but that whole thing was insane. he was being essentially controlled- emotionally and sexually abused for a big and important part of his childhood

I also think it’s weird that CC has found a way to include incest in all her stories. twice in TMI, a reference of Tessa kissing her brother (ew why), grace and Christopher ARE RELATED, and I’m pretty sure that kit and Ty are distantly related. it’s so fucking weird and she’s made it this fucked fetish habit and its clearly a pattern.

but that aside, the whole relationship did not need to happen. Christopher should never tried to make grace some kind of victim. I know what it’s like to be under a toxic mother and what it feels like to want her love (not to that extreme because wtf) but grace could’ve sought help elsewhere. Gideon and Gabriel have been nothing but supportive and would have welcomed her in. so trying to defend her actions was always wild to me

so YES YES YES to everything you said. it definitely goes unnoticed. I love Christopher and it was sad for me to see his character drastically change for one, see him die, have Thomas go through that, and not be properly grieved by his family. it was so badly written and it was atrociously lazy. CC seriously made it seem that she didn’t care about this series

and all aside (I’m sorry for ranting 😭), it’s not right to see a friend go through all that and then try to date that person/abuser. CC cannot handle rough and serious topics and it shows in my opinion

[kwop-kilawtley]

the movies robbed us of so many great bella x jake moments that were in the books… and some were just half-assed with no real impact, such as their breakup in the end of eclipse. the scene in the book is beyond heartbreaking, but in the movie it’s so? meh?? or on a lighter note, the training scene when jake was in wolf form and he licked bella’s face, that was some cute bff shit that i wish they had included. so if you had to pick 3 moments from the books that you wish were in the movies, which would they be? 

We were ROBBEDDDDDDD!!!!! Simply! Okay Literally the end of eclipse is the bane of my existence it ruins me every time and the movie scene was NOTHING. The entire purpose of eclipse was her fighting with the fact that she does love Jacob and that she DOES have to make a choice. So for them to just throw away that end scene with them was horrible. She doesn’t even say she’s in love with him or cry or give us ANYTHING. Also like in the book they were cuddled in bed and then afterwards she was grieving over him and depressed. It’s my biggest issue with all the movies. WE NEEDED THEM CRYING AND CUDDLING AND GRIEVING OVER THEIR LOVE AND LIFE AND FUTURE. WE NEEDED HER TO SAY WHAT SHE SAYS IN THE BOOK that Jacob is her soulmate and she WANTS to stay with him but that she didn’t have a choice. We needed edward being like are you sure? I never seen you so upset… and then bella being miserable about planning the wedding cause she never wanted it.

I also understand why a lot of this fandom is team Edward bc if you only watch the movies it makes sense bc it doesn’t even seem like Jacob is really all that important. In the books he is there ALL the time and all of Bellas best moments are with him. They have more of a romance than Edbella.

Idk if I can just pick 3 tbh….. also this is not counting the end of eclipse but that’s totally my main issue and wish we got it so bad

1. In new Moon Bella having that dinner with Jake & the family pre wolf. She was holding hands with Jacob giggling and being a cute teenager with him & she said she felt genuinely happy for once. GODD I love this scene so much.

2. In new moon where after she jumps off the cliff and they go back to jakes house and she’s changed into his clothes and they’re cuddling and he falls asleep on her.

3. Conversation hearts. Sorry but this has a grip on me and I wish they included it so bad 😭😭😭🫶🏻

But like there’s SOOO many tbh. So many scenes of them in the garage being real and cute. There’s a few scenes in eclipse I am thinking of that were so good.. like when she’s just with him on the beach when she shouldn’t be. There were a few beach meets with them and they’re just so tender ugh. That scene in eclipse where Jake and her are doing dishes together and he accidentally cuts himself and she’s like freaking out. Jacob is in eclipse a LOT and it’s so obvious how much she loves him and how much she’s really trying to be annoyed at him. Which is all revealed in the end ofc. Oh also them trying to find the meadow!! Hiking together unsuccessfully. There’s so many honestly ugh. Feel free to send me some more than you wish were included or scenes in the movies that did not properly portray. OH SPEAKING OF DUHHH THEIR FUCKING KISS IN ECLIPSE???? Bellas inner monologue is so intense it’s such an insane awakening for her and she sees their whole future and the fact they cut that out is HORRIFIC. tbh I think a lot of people skip over Jacob parts. I also think the producers knew that if they portrayed any of this then it wouldn’t be good bc exb is endgame.

[bemtevis]

Yessss to everything you said!! Like it was the best book in the series, but I feel like maybe the focus on a certain kind of romance and the abundance of characters really led everything else to be sort of brushed aside or easily sorted out??

Struggling to put it into words but I think it boils down to cc having these cool concepts but just not delivering. One of the reasons the way Elias' death happened in choi was so pointless was because we didn't get to see Cordelia interact much with her father beforehand, it was just an oh no! he's dead! moment for her to feel sad about and cause conflict with James, when it could have really made Cordelia grapple with realisation that her father was not who she thought he was, and had her deal with that face to face. While handled a little better, the lack of mourning for Christopher really just exposes how his death was just there for the sake of it, and there was so much more that could have been explored, and emotions that could have been drawn out if she'd focused on the grief for him??

Other than mentioning that he has experience looking after drunk people because of his dad, and the little bit about not wanting to run away like his father, Alastair as far as I remember didn't really speak about his trauma and seems great by the end and,,, happy for him!! but would have liked to see his traumas talked about a little more and taken a little more seriously by the narrative tbh. Idk, as I write this I'm like maybe I'm being super picky with this one but I guess I will always want more Alastair content lol

Thomas' character is also just a giant example of cc underutilising what she's created, like you've presented this character and set up for him to be a little resentful of the one-dimensional way he's viewed as the kind one. That's so interesting!! Lean further into that and show that that's why he appreciates how Alastair used to speak his mind and stand up for himself at the academy, and use it to inform their relationship and Thomas' own personal growth! She tells us he's grown into himself more at the end but she doesn't fully explore it or show it. Would have liked to have seen more recognition of his talents with language as well but she literally seemed to gift his farsi skills to James lol

Also making everything about Charles' sexuality and having to come out felt really weird, as him wanting to stay in the closet is honestly the only thing I have sympathy for. And Ari and Charles being mentioned to be friends, we were robbed

And also can't believe no mentions of Thomas' tattoo throughout like it just seems a little weird considering there is some build up there of its emotional significance and link to Alastair?? Anyways chot was a good experience but there are just so many things cc seems to have forgot about, sorry for the rambles lol I really should just make my own post

I come across as so negative here lmao I genuinely really enjoyed the book

Managing that many characters, plus their individual relationships, is extremely difficult to pull of, and it's clear that CHOT fell short on many aspects. An easy way to fix the aftermath of Kit's death was just not to kill him! It was so unnecessary! Or at least spare us a few more paragraphs to grieve him properly, ffs.

On paper, I can see why his death (and Elias', as you said) would be impactful. But you can't just have something that big happen without building up to it and giving it a proper conclusion, which neither of them had! With the CHOI deaths specifically, it seemed obvious to be that CC wanted to kill some beloved characters but not any of the main ones. That's why she hit us in the head with the 'Italian Shadowhunter' thing; so we'd create a connection to her, but it didn't work! We barely knew Filomena, and Elias, and that lady who was nice to Thomas! It just doesn't work, and it was such a waste.

No, I totally agree! I don't remember any specific quotes, but it felt like every time Alastair mentioned his past, no one even acknowledged it. I don't expect a whole section where he goes to therapy or anything, but it'd would've been nice to hear Thomas say "you didn't deserve any of that, you're so strong but you shouldn't have had to be, you can rest now" instead of a thousandth Thomastair make out scene.

Thomas was so underutilized! Once again, I understand the whole book couldn't have been focused on him, but Matthew's reaction to him being in love with Alastair felt like such a cop out tbh. And an easy way to solve it would've been not to have Matthew be so bad to Alastair in the first place! He can still deflect his own guilt and hatred onto him, I know that's a part of his character (that was also brushed off), but maybe not treat him like the Devil himself. Thomas' annoyance with being 'the kind one' was completely forgotten, when it could've been one of the best arcs in the series.

Absolutely, yes! It's like CC forgot what her own character was like. Harassing and cornering Alastair? Disrespecting his boundaries? The fucking age gap? Charles' choice to stay closeted was the only thing I respected about him, and yet Clare's vendetta against closeted people continues. It's a pattern and it's not a great one.

And Thomas' tattoo, yeah! CC gave Thomastair way too many things (the tattoo, songwriting, Paris, farsi speaking, Alastair's hair, the list goes on) then realized she couldn't possibly fit it all in one book so she just abandoned most of it. Also, I really wish Thomas would've given Alastair one compliment throughout the book. His inner voice tells him to shut up when he's being cheesy, but I wish he would've let something slip and Alastair would've been glad because cheesy is exactly what he needs, okay! Someone read poetry to that boy!

KJfjskdfjsd I get you, I bitch a lot but it was legitimately the best book in the trilogy. Thank you for the ask!

[ram-de]

[read] all of our demise thoughts vomit

The last post is getting far too long so I'm making a new one. I'll be treating this like this is my private Twitter account whatever💀

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No way they're becoming a local teenage celeb, I guess it's not far too removed from reality that a murderer (no matter how justified) would gain some large number admirers😭

Sure the Grieves had it bad but man Gavin... HE'S GONNA WIN THIS GAME. (and by win I mean snatching Lowe and lived happily ever after somewhere in a place that does not send kids to murder games). The story too, surely he's not going to die at the end right... R-RIGHT....

When the characters written that they cried or teared up rather easily I felt like it's a nice reminder that beneath all that curses and fights they did they're still like 16 years old kid being put in a murder game which most of them participate by the nature of tradition...

Someone save my girlie Isobel from the harassment💀 AND THAT INCLUDES HER SLIMY FATHER... Wait. His father steals from small shop... That shouldn't surprise me since this family vultures on dead people's magick...

My girl Isobel is also quickly flippant and impulsive, now that's a good traits for a champion. She's so self-important and annoying hsgshsjsh

"Maybe it's because of the curse breaking," UGH SHUT UP FINLEY... MAKE UP A BETTER REASON... /something that's deviate from the rules happens/ "oh maybe it's" OKAY SHUT UP... I GET IT THE FIRST TIME AROUND... if they want to remind me of how everything can be explained with "curse breaking" then at least try to make it sound interesting wtf....

Hm.. They're pairing Isobel and Reid. I frankly did not care enough for both of them. It's eh I guess. Talk about Reid, I also think for how much they hyped Reid and made him so important in the first book, the way he's dragged to the tournament because Isobel maced him to the head when he sleeps is vastly underwhelming. What do you mean in this age and era they would set some kind of protection shield when they sleep with danger around.

Why do I feel like there's isn't gonna be any more champion death after this? Leave it to Darrow and Payne because they're not the main cast in the first book. The main four isn't gonna die for sure. Maybe Gavin. Okay, wait. HENDRY. He's gonna die (again), so that Alistair can properly grief, move on and stuff. Reid may die by the end since he tampered a lot, though a glimpse of his motivation, using high magick for the better of the living condition of the people, highly naive makes me think there's gonna be a background story and he's gonna live.

So who's dying?

---------

Alistair is gonna be fold again hsgshsjsh my man...

NOT AGAIN STOP WITH THIS PAIRING I DID NOT LIKE THEM ONE BIT STOP INTERTWINING FINGERS YOU HERETICS

Why did the "Heroes" faction kept thinking of themselves as victim, all of those three have doubted another champions, some betrayed (and Reid is just slimy). When you corner the other two to their limits, of course they're gonna retaliate. You guys attacked them for goodness sake don't act surprised when they hit back💀

Isobel's "Who did this to you?!" to Briony when just few hours ago she planned to murder her and Finley in their sleep. She's so, uh, I'm sorry but, fake😒

Finley as a character seems so flat hsgshsh he's like the golden boy. Perfect, charming and is Briony's boyfriend. He sticks to his values and that's it. WE NEED HIM AT THE STAKE... NEXT VICTIM.

---------

Another day another session of procrastination. IM SO EXCITED.

ALRIGHT. Briony is kinda real for her decision. They can break the curse /the wrong way/ although that'd means all champions will die. She's still a /hero/ through and through. When the hero complex paying off👍 The kiss in the rain is very dramatic lmao

"Don't die, I'm the one who gets to kill you, okay?" PEAK ROMANCE‼️‼️‼️

For such grave injuries, a single spell surely saved the day just like that. That was very, anticlimactic idk😭

Isobel/raid pairing chapter... Snooze... Briony/Finley however, is starting to grow on me.

How many times are they gonna kept reusing the same Isobel's betrayal plot again SIGH ITS GETTING TIRING NOW MAKE UP YOUR DAMNED MIND GIRL URGH the only one who actually cares ending the damn game is Briony and she's carrying a lot here💀

Briony is such a girlboss she's so cool

Reid is such a loser I NEED HIM GONE😭 HE KEPT STOPP LOWER I NEED HIM BURIED SIX FEET UNDER... SCREW U REID. Even I wouldnt pair this slimy ghoul with Isobel gosh poor her😭 I know he's probably gonna have another one of these "my childhood so tragic uwu" but I'd he's a slime

Hsgshsjsh the satisfaction I felt. The build up to that hammer slam is SO GOOD. there's so a fluff moment I'm cryinf😭 (they were about to torture a slime) oh goodness I should be sick but then again they're torturing a slime so I don't feel as bad

After a while I just realized Reid is written as a classic villain cartoon character, he's just like Spandam from OP hsgshshs

Another Isobel/Reid chapter and slime flirtation PACK IT UP I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THJS wait briony/finley is a power duo

"You're welcome," OH SHUT UP YOU SLIME ughj knowing he has a romance plot line soon makes me repulsed SHOVE IT AWAY KEEP IT HIDDEN GET IT OUTTA HERE

briony girlboss but also innes deathflag😭

STOP IT WITH ANOTHER SLIME GERMINATION URGHH WE NEVER REALLY NEED A REID MACTAVISH IN THE SECOND BOOK I HATE SLIMES URGHH ugh it's been like 2 pages but it felt so long IS THIS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU READ A BOOK THROUGH A CHARACTER YOU HATE

one good thing about this chapter is them picking up the pace. get over it whatever I'm tired of reading you slime ass flirting and calling eachother darlings GO MERGE SOMEWHERE ELSE

Huh at least the slime had some self-awareness. Good enough, I guess. Still a slime though. OH SHUT UP YOU DON'T GET TO WABBLE ABOUT DOING GOOD AND JUSTICE AND ALL SHUT UPPPP

Ugh when will this chapter end I miss my clumsy son Alistair

Okay finally isobel FINALLY SHE MADE UP HER MIND though she ended up confiding with a slime ykw good for her whatever PACK IT UP I WANNA SEE ALISTAIR

Now why is Gavin's chapter a measly 8 pages while Isobel got like 14?! I'm so close to doing a kpop stan ramble about song line distribution hsgzhsjsjhs but also only 4 chapters of Isobel left (which means less slime appearance and mention) I CHEERED

_----------

O-oh... Gavin's family is TRASH. GARBAGE. UTTER STANKY PILE NON-RECYCABLE WASTE. I need them gone. I need Gavin to pull an Alistair....

Fergus you're in THIN ICE right now.

I teared up just a bit shgshsjsahah Gavin you deserve all the world and a half😭

I just realized Alistair (Cottage, Crown) have mismatched Relic and Landmark with Gavin (Castle, Shoes) THAT'S... THAT'S CUTE

Hendry's life wishes broke me too HELP ILVERNATH IS ABUSING CHILDREN SEND THEM ALL TO THERAPY (except maybe the slime he should've went to therapy FAR AWAY from the OG cast)

GAVIN IS CURED THSI IS THE BEST DAY EVER

____-------_

"The slime has changed" LMAOO just like all the other two pairs of course everyone changed once they meet their partner Isobel and the slime, Briony and Finley, heck even Gavin and alistair too (on progress) but WELL WHO CARES once a slime forever a slime, PLEASE PERISH IN THE NEAR FUTURE

I'm cryinf Alistair is such a dramatic guy😭 you've been in dungeon for like 14 hours my man hsgshshhs

HWNDRY😭 THE FAREWELL MADE ME WEPT it happened so fast shgshah I don't know what happened but ;-; PLEASE HAVE A GOOD LIFE YOU TWO 😭

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Each time the slime said the word 'darling' my will to read depletes by 1% SHUT UPPP

Briony's redemption arc is done so beautifully, she let go of the burden and her own expectation of being a /hero/😭

I really can't take anymore of the slime/sobel flirting scene... WRAP IT UP.... CRAFT THE DSMN CROWN‼️

I'll give them props for not putting the slime in a rosy tinted glasses through Isobel's perspective. YOU STILL MANIPULATED A LOT OF DESPERATE KIDS THAT'S ABOUT TO DIE YOU SLIME... like yucky murky mud slime.

I never want to read about slime mating ritual😭 please don't put that in the story ever again...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH the fakeout death... I don't know if it's fake but I'm sure he's gonna heal one way or another. Alistair needs to LIVE...

ALISTAIR ON HIS TIPTOES... HES ADORABLE AND CUTIEFUL (he has a kill count of four people)

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Another day another aood reading sesh

IM SO WEAK WITH FAMILY REUNION AAHH it's fine Isobel hsgshsj now who invited her slimy dad to this party

Of course the slime will slither into the most slimy role at the end of the story. He's a slime guys... Don't trust slime... I THIS HOUSE WE DETEST morally ambiguous (not really but like u get it) character like REID MACTAVISH

Though if he actually commits to his slimy role and be the villain he ALWAYS IS I'll actually like him a bit better. Like, he's not halfassing things. If that's the case then he's cool. NO SILLY PLOTLINES LIKE isobel's convincing him out of love or like friendship power bullshit (that's only reserved for characters I like so that I can look past some plot conveniences like Alistair and Gavin hsgshsjsh love u two) alright give me the slime show reid I'm prepared

AUGH whatever he's not that interesting😒 he's not even deserving the title of slime anymore whatever

BRIONY SACRIFICE??? HWGATSGWHHWGSYSY THIS IS NASTY THAT was so grotesque😭 GIRLIE I'M SORRY AAAHH her whole story of being set up as a hero but when she ended up having a dream and wishes past hero complex, they killed her off like😭 I guess it's like thematic in how she's ended up as the hero, something she always strived and chased to be, who also sacrificed her life but come on😭 she's been the one who's actually working her ass off trying to end the tournament and like she deserves better, at least like SURVIVING

Omg fuck im not even attached that attached to her character😔

The funeral is is a nice closure😭

Ugh the slime is crying, fine, he's okay. That makes him a bit human. I'd pat his head once or twice. I'll probably still think of him as a slime the next time I reread but for now he's just a guy.

J-jawdrop... Am I not getting my Alistair/Gavin happy ending😭 O-oh a long distance is good enough I guess

THE ENDING😭 AHHHHHHHH MY HEART IS FULL THAT WAS A RIDE. I NEEDED A LONGER EPILOGUE because what was that shgshsjshhsh everyone sort of get their closure except maybe Finley because he's not the main cast. Grieve's parents not mentioned anywhere (as they should but also I need them gone), Marianne Jr. Sort of handled to Calista (whol also is a Grieve and she's been so shitty to Gavin this is like the least she could do to help him like seriously screw her and her parents SHE NEVER APOLOGIZED TOO I think or if she did it doesn't leave an impact coz I didn't remember). Then again Alistair does really need a thorough therapy away from Ilvernath (everybody needs to actually) and I doubt he can take care of a kid that reminds him of murder house sjgzhzjs

AHSGUSGSGSH ALRIGHT ALRIGHT I REALLY ENJOYED THE READ THAT WAS ALL OF US VILLAINS (I think the slime Reid is the only one deemed to be villain but he also switched l��dt minute, the others aren't really villainy except when they kill. Alistair is a clumsy short king, Briony is literally a hero, Gavin brought up to be the sacrificial sheep, Isobel may or may not have a teensy bit of villainy a.k.a but also that's her being a survivor, Finley sticks to his moral code and even after abandoning it he's still a hero by Briony's side, Elionor is unhinged and a girlboss and Carbry I forgot about who are you son)

[hvtqo]

diona | rainy night

⇢ ˗ˏˋcharacters: diona, diluc [other mondstadt cast]

⇢ ˗ˏˋgenre: angst

⇢ ˗ˏˋ tw!: death of a parental figure; a long, long internal monologue regarding grief and failure; parental negligence; anger.

⇢ ˗ˏˋnote: this is not a ship fic pls don't turn it into smth weird. i wrote this awhile ago (like legit years ago) and i just found it, idk, it made me tear up a bit. when i wrote it i was wondering how diluc would be if he got to be a sort of father/big brother figure for dio.

about:

diona heard the news of draff's death. absentmindedly and unable to grieve properly, she finds herself going to the dawn winery in order to find answers.

↓ read under the cut ↓

When Allan pushed through the Cat's Tail door that night yelling and shaking with a nervous look on his face, Diona's ears stopped being capable of audition. Perhaps her heart registered what the young hunter was saying, because the hitting inside her ribs became stronger, until it was all she could feel. The bar fell silent. Nobody dared move. All the cats' hairs bristled and Margaret dropped a cup as she carefully glared at Diona, but the child did not notice the glass breaking.

Deep, deep down she knew it would happen some day. But... did it have to be today? Diona pressed her hands around the piece of rag she was holding as if her sanity depended on it. As if that insignificant slice of cloth was the only thing keeping her here. Heartbeat going louder and louder, like a desperate bomb. She couldn't blink, and she couldn't breathe.

Allan's words rumbled inside her skull like the faint whisper of a midnight breeze.

“Draff is dead.”

Draff is dead.

Daddy is dead.

────»»❀❀❀««────

Diona could not make sense of it still.

Two days had passed since Draff was wounded by a boar.

“He died of blood loss” she heard the people of the village saying. They would turn their faces when she passed in front of them, as if that gesture would keep her from hearing their words.

Adults are so stupid, she thought every time. “If that young hunter could've been faster... Perhaps Draff would still be here with us”.

Diona did not blame Allan. There was nothing he could have done, anyway. If he had been faster and carried Draff to the cathedral, the nuns would have just been able to prolong his death with bandages and prayers. Diona would have been summoned and Deaconess Barbara would have told her “little one, what I am about to tell you breaks my heart... I am so sorry”.

No difference.

Diona's heart would be troubled nevertheless. She would feel the same void inside her chest, growing towards her stomach.

She would repeat the same words to herself when trying to think about what happened: stupid old man. The day finally came. You left me. Stupid old man.

Diona had not shed a tear. She knew what death was, of course. She was not a toddler. She understood the implications of being gone. And she knew it would happen eventually. If Draff's alcoholism did not kill him, it would be a beast. Diona should have had expected that the real cause of his perish would be a combination of both factors.

She looked up at the sky. The sun was starting to turn bright orange, coloring the clouds in low toned palettes of pink and purple.

I hate you, daddy.

And as if he had heard her thoughts, the sky roared. The rain came down faster than a breath leaving a man's lips for the last time. The villagers of Springvale begun carrying their stuff inside their homes, covering their heads, and taking their children to their warmth embrace. They quietly and carefully glanced at the cat girl sitting over the roof of her house, but none dared speak.

Diona hated the rain. It made the fur of her ears and tail feel sticky and unclean. It also left a scent on her clothes reminiscent of daddy's. A smell of wilderness and sweat.

Diona sighted. Her eyes were stuck on the small taps of the drops vibrating over a puddle. She was cold, but she did not care about the sensations of the rain falling on her skin. Even if a part inside of her was yelling to get inside the house and cover herself, the bigger, more stubborn part that dominated her actions lately, decided to jump down the roof and walk the road towards Dawn Winery.

Her steps worked by themselves, without her fully knowing her real intentions. Why was she going to Dawn Winery in the middle of a storm? What did she expect to find there? Answers? That place could not give her answers.

She knew it was her all along —daddy was dead because Diona failed to take care of him. She should have ended the wine industry sooner. She should have agreed when Klee said to go bomb Dawn Winery.

“I don't want to destroy the industry in that way, Klee” she told her as many times as Klee came up with the idea.

“Well, then Klee doesn't know what you could mean by ‘destroy’.”Diona would try to explain to her that the term was not being used in a literal sense.

But how could a child make another understand that what she really wanted was the comfort of her father's embrace? How, when not even she could explain that to herself?

Diona stopped when she arrived at the Statue of the Seven and looked towards the chimneys and walls covered in ivy of Dawn Winery. The place seemed almost peaceful under the light of the moon and the aggressive sounds of the rain. She took a breath in and ran towards the mansion, her wet clothes sticking to her skin, her tail brushing the grass and her lips trembling as her throat swallowed the tears. Diona did not make it past the entrance —she touched the door and could not knock it.

Her knees bended and the concrete hit her bones with force. That second she perceived the tears starting to fall. Her heart throbbed with the violence of lightning and her cheeks burned.

She left out the loudest scream she had ever held inside her throat. The scream that had been waiting there to be free since the first day she saw Draff take a sip of wine. The heavens carried her feelings and sent them back even louder.

────»»❀❀❀««────

“Did you hear that?”

Adelinde nodded. “It sounded like a scream”.

“Yes” Diluc agreed. “And it come from outside the door”.

Diluc strode towards the entrance of the mansion with a confused look on his face that only got wider when he opened the door to see a pink haired girl knelt in a defeated pose.

“Diona?” he got down on one knee and reached out to touch her shoulders, but Diona pushed him with aggressively. Her small hands felt weak as she punched his chest. “Di– Diona, what–”

She wouldn't stop. Diona kept punching Diluc as if he was a mere thing. One. Two. Three. Desperate hits of her feeble knuckles against his thick skin, grunting, pressing her teeth, tears covering her face.

“It's your fault!” she yelled, once and once again. “It's your fault!”

Diluc grabbed her hands with force yet gentle enough to not hurt her, and Diona struggled to free herself combatively.

“Diona, calm down” Diluc said, “please let me get you inside the Winery”.

“NO!” the strength in Diona's voice was like that of a lioness'. “It was your fault!”

For a second she looked at him in the eyes. Pools of sadness filled her irises but Diluc could not find hate inside of them, despite her words. Instead, he saw himself. He saw his own eyes when he was fourteen and Crepus left. He felt the desperation and anger that filled him, the resentment towards himself and the world. For a second he held a breath.

Diona's lips trembled and then the tears rolled down her cheeks again. Diluc felt the hands he was holding lose vigor. She let her body fall over his chest and held on to him, grabbing the folds of his shirt toughly. Diona buried her face in his chest and cried there.

“You did it” she was saying, this time softer. “You killed my daddy”.

Those words felt like a cold sword piercing his heart. Not because of the slight accusation of murder, but because of the feeling they carried. Because that's what he had been telling himself for years.

Wary, he let his arms fall around Diona. She was freezing. Diluc felt her small body quivering, but unexpectedly, Diona did not push him away. Instead, she buried herself deeper in him. He had been planing to visit Diona and give her his condolences, but now that she was there... he considered that his intended plan would have been a bad idea.

When he felt her cries were getting weaker, Diluc whispered calmly, “let's get you inside”.

He carried her gently and closed the door behind them by kicking it. Diona did not move, but she kept shivering and she let out a small hiccup. Diluc felt her arms get tighter around his neck, and gave Adelinde a glare that she quickly understood. The maiden rushed to return with warm towels in hand and helped him make their way up the guest's room.

[cal-cium-the-nerd]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love❤

Aww thank you!! I actually got this ask twice, and I've got my suspicions as to who are the ones that sent it to me :P you guys are very sweet <3

1- Silent Haunting (1856 words, Heart Pirates, One Piece)

When a home is loved enough, it might draw the attention of a guardian, a protector spirit. The Polar Tang happens to be haunted.

This is one of my best-received fics; it was born out of the love I felt after reading Gallus' fic Hearth God. It's basically about Corazon's ghost being a guardian spirit for the Heart Pirates, overall a concept I doubt I'll ever have enough of.

2- Careful (the sea listens) (1981 words, Heart Pirates, One Piece, read tags)

Shachi and Penguin play on top of a tree, the day the sea recedes. Penguin is the older one, the responsible one. The one who puts himself in danger. So he climbs down the tree. In which Penguin drowns, but refuses to die.

This one is technically uncomplete (1 chapter posted out of 3 outlined), but I've been told it reads as an open-ended one-shot anyway. I wrote it in less than 24 hs (which is very rare for me), and I think I tend to write horror better than fluff, so I'm quite proud of this one!

3- A brief guide in how to make your Captain laugh (5547 words, Heart Pirates, One Piece)

Five times the Hearts get Law to smile, and one time they get him to laugh.

I think most of my One Piece readers know me for this fic in particular! Also uncomplete (though I've been making progress with the following chapters now that I'm done with most of my zine fics!). It's a silly fic, but it's funny. One of these days I'd like to sit down and properly edit/rewrite it so it matches my current writing skill, but for now it is what it is.

4- You can hide a lot about yourself (but honey, what're you gonna do?) (897 words, Zach & Zorian, Mother of Learning)

Zach and Zorian grieve, lost in the memories of those gone, but at least they grieve together.

This fic is pretty old now, but MoL is still so very dear to me and I can't just let go. Even though it's pretty short word-count wise, I think this one still packs a bit of a punch. It's in a bit of a competition with Bound by the life you left behind in regards to readers saying I broke their hearts/am evil/owe them emotional compensation/etc (sorry not sorry! mwuhahaha <3). MoL fandom is so small but whenever someone comes along and leaves comments on all my fics, or likes 150 of my old posts, or leaves me an anon ask thanking me for writing fics for the fandom... Idk man, it's an ecstatic feeling. I might not be very active in this fandom these days, but it'll always feel like home to me.

5- Nightshades (2122 words, Trans Imaya Kuroshka, Mother of Learning)

Imaya Kuroshka knows who she is. She knows what she wants. But sometimes it’s just so hard to ask for it.

The Imaya fic!!! It's definitely not one of my best ones, story-wise, but writing this story was so very cathartic for me at the time, and it still feels very self-indulgent and comforting in all the right ways. It was also quite a pleasant surprise to receive so much support for my trans Imaya headcanon 🥺<3 you guys are the best

To be clear this list isn't really in a particular order or anything, and there are many fics that might've shown up here on another day. I'm also more of a one-shot writer, meaning it's common for me to end up with multiple one-shot fics that deal with the same themes/topics, and that makes this an even harder decision, so nothing set in stone and all.

Thanks again for giving me a chance to talk about my silly little fics! 💛💛💛