#sorry i’m being pedantic

[ionlylikemycat]

where’s the option for “i am american but i would rather die slowly and horribly than ever convey that much nationalism even as a joke” bc like sorry but no? i am not clicking that?

Pick 'It's complicated' if you have spent significant parts of your life both in the US and outside of the US, for example if you grew up there but then moved.

I'm not American, and sometimes it really seems that this website is dominated by the US. I've seen a couple of polls asking which continent/region you're from, and there's one going around at the moment about whether you're white or non-white, but I haven't seen one just asking about the US, and I'm curious!

Also I'd appreciate it if you reblog for greater sample size (but no pressure!)

[youstolemyhead]

How does the Empresario know what PetSmart is if it’s the mid 80’s and PetSmart didn’t change its name until 1989

[ozzyfromthecafeteria]

mm. i probably SHOULDN’T be thinking about stuff at night when we should be asleep to be well rested for school in the morning but uhh. the brain

[detective-piplup]

Whay would you do if i took the 500th reblog of that layton screenshot

well I can’t exactly stop you can I. so.

[cal-flakes]

could u pleaseee write a blurb abt reader accidentally hitting rages nuts while try to get comfy cuddle him and he starts swearing and like whining like a little baby cause it hurts and reader juat try’s to comfort him xoxo

ABSOLUTELY YES (assuming i read this correctly, this gif felt fitting) i hope it’s what you wanted, enjoy <33

╰┈➤ rafe gets injured

warnings: swearing.

summary: while trying to get yourself comfortable on top of your boyfriend as you settle down to watch a film, you accidentally hurt him.

the smell of butter popcorn fills the air as you stand in the kitchen, bored. according to you, three minutes is a very long time to wait for popcorn. “you coming baby?” rafe calls from the living room, waiting for you to come watch american psycho with him. “just a minute!” you call back.

the loud beeps of the microwave break your concentration on your nails, alerting you the popcorns done. sighing contently, you open the bag, careful not to burn yourself, before pouring the contents into a large sharing bowl. sparing the kitchen one last glance to make sure you haven’t forgotten anything, you switch off the light and head through to the living room.

as you set the bowl down on the coffee table in front of him, you scanned his figure, internally screaming at how good he looks splayed across the couch. “where am i supposed sit?” you pouted, poking fun at how he’s taken up the whole damn chair. rafe smirks up at you before gesturing for you to simply climb on top of him. deciding to be a bit pedantic, you do exactly that and plonk yourself down on top of him.

nothing could prepare you for the dramatics that would happen next. “fuck!” rafe yells, possibly louder than you’ve ever heard him. your eyes widen at the scene before you. rafe rolls around the rug on the floor, clutching his crotch, possibly in tears.

at first you thought he was being dramatic and let out a loud laugh, that was until he began his torrent of curses.

“it’s not fucking funny y/n! do you know how much that fucking hurt?” rafe shouts out in a weak voice, somewhat out of breath. realising what you had accidentally done, you crawl over to him and sit by his side. rafe flinches as you put your hand on his cheek and turns to face you. “oh my god! i’m so sorry! im so so so so sorry! i didn’t mean to!” you pleaded, noticing the tears welling up over his waterline. stroking his face, you lean down to kiss his forehead while he continues his hold down below.

sighing breathlessly, he rolls over onto his back as the pain subsides. his eyes narrow at you, shooting daggers. “you are so going to regret that y/n” he jokes as he quickly jumps up. before you could blink, rafe had you locked in his arms, pinned underneath him as he began tickling you.

kicking and screaming, you struggle to get away from his grip. “rafe! i-im sorry! i didn’t mean to!” you choke out between laughs.

you could never understand why tickling made a person laugh, especially when it was one of the top five torture methods, or atleast it was in your books.

[s0uth3park]

Some of my random SP headcanons:

This is a long one.

Pt 2

Cartman just will never learn how to drive. Ever. He knows he has other people to ferry him around.

In a similar vein, when that time rolls around (teenhood), Kenny legally can’t drive but he can drive. He just doesn’t have a licence. This persists until much later in life when he can financially support himself.

Stan begged/bribed Cartman to not harass Red for being a daywalker to keep the peace in his and Wendy’s relationship.

Whenever Wendy and Cartman need to sit down to talk out some sort of dispute, they do it over a pack of Oreo’s. They call this Oreo Time.

Kenny and Cartman play GTA together a lot.

Heidi is part Jewish on her mother’s side.

Cartman’s natural eye colour is brown. He has blue eyes, now.

Cartman is short by the time he’s fully grown (probably because of his weight), and has naturally brown hair and blue eyes. Kenny is the opposite, with blond hair and blue eyes, and is naturally Cartman’s favourite.

Cartman’s coat is plain red flannel (it’s the closest thing to fuzzy felt we can get), Stan’s is canvas, Kyle’s is tarpoon cloth, and Kenny’s is synthetic material (it’s like that smooth thin material that makes a high pitched whirry noise when you scratch it?? Cannot find the specific name for the life of me).

Tweek and Butters are cousins. Either through both of their mothers or through Butters’ dad and Tweek’s mom. Let me know which one you prefer.

Craig and Cartman’s hats are from the same store / brand.

Cartman and Kyle wear opposite colours on opposite pieces of clothing (is this a headcanon or observation? Who knows, I just want to point it out). Kyle has a green hat, contrasting Cartman’s red coat. Cartman has a (primarily) blue hat, contrasting Kyle’s orange coat. Kyle’s original gold-yellow t-shirt also compliments Cartman’s blue t-shirt, and pairs with Cartman’s yellow puff, brim, and gloves.

Cartman sometimes hums the Dreidal song to himself. Rarely will he sing it.

Carol and Stuart put Kenny in a separate room to Kevin because they didn’t anticipate a third kid. When Karen came along, they didn’t bother to displace one of them, so just stuck her in with one of them (Kevin) at random.

Kenny carries the gene for red hair.

Either (or both) Laura and Thomas have brown eyes. This is why Craig has black hair. (Relying on a quick google search for this one).

If Stan looks a lot like Randy as he gets older, right down to the eyes, Shelley looks like Sharon, but with Randy’s eyes.

Stan sometimes feels like the outsider in the group because not only do the other three hold biological keepsakes of the others (Kenny’s eyes –> Cartman; Cartman’s kidney –> Kyle), Kyle and Kenny (K’s) both wear the same shade of orange, and all three are called by unvoiced guttural (“kuh”) vocatives. He’s just Stan. He and Kenny have the same last initial, though.

Out of all the moms, Mrs. Tweek has the biggest tits. I’m sorry I don’t make these rules.

She and Richard fuck like rabbits too I think

While there’s a massive gap between how Stan is viewed and how Cartman is viewed, but out of Stan’s Gang, Stan is held in the lowest esteem just after Cartman. Wendy and his looks boost his popularity a bit, but it’s still rather low.

Kenny is held in the highest esteem by the way, because people know he just joins the guys and doesn’t really instigate.

Craig has alexithymia.

Clyde picked up some mannerisms, like speaking with little affect, from Craig.

Clyde was a mommy’s boy, but Betsy was always rather eccentric and pedantic.

I’m not sold on this but I have thought about Betsy having PCOS.

Maybe I’m biased but I like to think that if Clyde outright said the words “I don’t like Janice and I don’t want her in this house” / “I’m not ready for a stepmom”, I think Roger would adhere. Probably just me being biased.

Sharon hates being filmed, and if she sees either a video or photo of her she will immediately pat her hair and say “oh look at my hair there” or touch her face and go “oh my, I look godawful in that”.

Cartman flexes his ability to eat bacon on Kyle a lot.

Craig has a fear of dressing Stripe up in costumes. Tweek has suggested it, but Craig shot it down immediately.

Wonder Tweek’s costume is from Craig’s closet, and the reason his is shit is because he was too busy helping Tweek’s with his because Tweek found organising his own costume too stressful.

Randy taught Kenny how to swim in Kyle’s backyard blow up paddling pool.

Cartman is a weak ass swimmer.

[mamawasatesttube]

“You haven’t laughed in a long time, and I guess I was staring ‘cause I forgot how that looked like.” with timkon maybe :) the sillies

The Batcave is draftier than Tim remembers it being.

He’s gotten used to his setup in his apartment building’s basement, and it’s a couple of degrees warmer over there. Probably because of the giant computer sans an entire cave to heat up.

Oh, well. That’s what capes are for. Particularly the ones made of blankets. And also thick, fuzzy socks. And fluffy pajamas stolen from Dick’s drawer (it’s not like he’s touched it in ages, since he’s off in New York, but Tim still hopes he’ll notice the theft and be indignant about it eventually).

Cold water drips from his hair onto the back of his neck, and he shivers. Scowls at the keyboard in front of him. He took such a nice, hot shower immediately after Kon got him back—getting tossed into the harbor in midwinter sucks—but the draftiness down here doesn’t care.

“Thanks for the tea, Alfred,” Kon says, somewhere behind him. “Are you sure you don’t want me to get the dishes? I really don’t mind—“

“Certainly not, young Mister Kent.” Alfred sounds almost fond. Kon’s got Ma Kent’s country manners drilled into his head; Tim has to admit it’s pretty cute. “You are a guest in this house. It would hardly be proper. Besides which, you’ve already helped me plenty by ensuring I don’t need to dig any bullets out of Master Timothy tonight.”

Tim resents that. He wasn’t in any danger of getting shot—okay, no more than usual, anyways. He was a lot more in danger from the guys who managed to chain a cinder block to his ankle and then threw him off a boat. However, since he’s a paragon of maturity and not an insufferable pedant, he elects to finish typing up his stupid mission summary while it’s still fresh in his mind, instead of arguing.

And then, the strangest thing happens:

Alfred squawks.

There’s a clatter of porcelain and a whoosh of air, and Tim whips around just in time to see Kon, holding Alfred’s tea tray in one hand, catch Krypto by the cape with the other.

“Dude!” Kon scolds. Krypto’s tail wags a mile a minute. “You can’t just do that outside the house! What is wrong with you? Oh, man, Mr. Alfred, I’m so sorry, he’s never done that to anyone but Pa before—”

…What did Krypto do?

Alfred scrubs the back of his neck with a daintily-folded pocket handkerchief, his face is filled with disgust. He examines the handkerchief, mustache quivering with indignance, and then sighs. “I do hope this is just regular slobber and not some sort of super-related variant."

Krypto barks once, excited, and prances in a circle around Kon’s hips, wrapping his cape around Kon until Kon sighs and lets go.

Tim—

Tim wheezes.

Krypto just silently snuck up and licked the back of Alfred’s neck?! And—and he used to do that to Pa Kent? Does he just have a thing for licking old guys on the neck or something? Or is he replacing one old guy with another, now that Pa’s dead? And he’s so pleased with himself now, sitting back on his haunches in midair like he expects a treat!

Tim laughs so hard his stomach hurts. Every time he thinks he’s gotten ahold of himself again, his mind just flashes back to the look of utter revulsion on Alfred’s face, and he loses it all over again.

By the time he catches his breath, Alfred has vanished, tray and all. He’s probably upstairs muttering derogatory things about dogs. Kon and Krypto, however, are still here; Krypto’s inspecting the crumbs on the floor where Alfred nearly dropped the tea tray, and Kon…

Kon is staring, the tenderest smile Tim has ever seen on his lips.

Oh. Um. Tim’s cheeks heat. “…What?” he huffs, folding his arms over his chest. “That was funny, okay!”

“Oh, yeah, no, I’m not disputing that,” Kon says absently. He’s still looking at Tim with that soft, adoring smile. “You just, uh… you haven’t laughed in a long time, and I guess I was staring ‘cause I forgot how that looked like.”

What.

Tim opens his mouth. Closes it again. Looks away, face burning. “Oh, come on. I’m sure I’ve laughed recently. Pretty sure I laughed after you fished me out of the harbor.”

“Yeah, but that was all, like, sarcastic and ‘ooh, look, I’m making jokes because I nearly just drowned in the smelliest harbor on the planet’, not ‘cuz anything was actually funny.”

Kon closes the distance between them and rests a hand fondly atop Tim’s head. His smile fades, slightly, and his hand slides down to cup Tim’s chin, tipping his face up. Blushing or not, Tim meets his gaze and holds it steadily, raising an eyebrow.

Kon just tilts his head ever so slightly, the same way Krypto does. He looks a little contemplative. That’s new; he never used to be nearly this introspective before. Dying and getting resurrected probably does something to a guy’s psyche, Tim supposes, but he wouldn’t know.

And then Kon asks, “Rob… Have you actuallylaughed at anything since I died?”

He may as well have just sucker-punched Tim in the gut. All the breath whooshes right out of Tim’s lungs. “I… I’m sure I have. I must have,” he says, and frowns. He can’t really think of anything that made him feel particularly light in the past year and then some, but… just because he can’t remember doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Statistically, he had to have laughed properly at something, right?

Kon lets go of his chin to ruffle his hair. “Man,” he says, and sighs, dropping onto an invisible chair at Tim’s side. He’s close enough that their thighs press together; Kon’s a solid line of warmth against Tim’s body. He tosses his feet up onto an invisible footrest and folds his arms behind his head, leaning back. “You nearly done with whatever you needed to do here?”

“Nearly,” Tim says, glancing at the screen. “I think that’s enough details for anyone trying to pick up the smuggling case to use, if they wanna do something before I get to it, I guess.” Though he doubts anyone will. They’ve got their own cases to work on. He’ll get the weapons smugglers next time; they got lucky this time, that’s all.

“Cool.” Kon glances over to Krypto. Tim follows his gaze; Krypto’s inspecting the dinosaur now, floating up near one of its eyes. “Krypto, be careful with that!”

Krypto wags his tail in acknowledgment.

“I hope he doesn’t try to eat it,” Kon sighs. “He got ahold of a T-Rex bone this one time we went back in time—long story, it was that thing with Lori’s mom I called you about a few weeks back. But I just hope Krypto didn’t, like, acquire a taste for ‘em.”

Tim snorts. He hits save, then lets his head fall against Kon’s shoulder. “Would be kinda funny if he did, though.”

Kon snorts, too, draping his arm around Tim’s shoulders. Even through his sweatshirt and the thin blanket he’s using as a cape, Kon’s warmth radiates gently against his skin. The weight of his arm is… nice.

“Would be kinda funny,” Kon agrees, sighing fondly. “Anyways, you done with that thing?”

“Yeah.” Tim hums. “If you wanna go back to my place, we could do that, or if you’re busy, that’s chill, so…”

“Oh, actually, I’m kidnapping you,” Kon says breezily, and just like that, the familiar net of his TTK wraps around Tim’s body and scoops him up. “I’ve decided you need to laugh at something dumb some more, so we’re gonna go back to the farm and watch this one really weird anime about the composers that Bart showed me last week. Krypto! Come!”

What. “I didn’t even pack anything. Do I get a say in this?” Tim asks. Kon’s already heading for the exit with him in his arms, so he gets the feeling that he’s already got his answer, but still.

“No.” Kon grins. “Didn’t you hear me? I said this is a kidnapping. You’re already in PJs, and you can just borrow something to wear tomorrow. We got spare toiletries at the house. So it’s chill.”

Tim rolls his eyes. But, as they emerge outside under the starry night sky, he finds that he doesn’t really mind.

[potato-lord-but-not]

“There’s something aesthetically pleasing about the word noon. Its palindromic spelling feels appropriate for the middle of the day, when the sun is directly overhead and the hands on the clock are pointed upward in a straight line. It’s even spelled with letters found more or less in the middle of the alphabet.” (“What Time Is…” par. 1)

Perhaps unfortunately for my argument, this article goes on to explain how the word ‘noon’ originally referred to the ninth hour of the day, that of course being 3 o’clock; because the sun and with it the people rose at six. It is derived from the Latin word for ‘ninth’, ‘nonus’. The word’s meaning apparently shifted during the twelfth century, because of the prayers of monastic orders. The second of three daily prayers would occur at noon, and the time of this prayer eventually became earlier, landing at twelve. This is believed to have been so the monks could break their fast sooner. Of course, this is not universally agreed upon and other theories include shifts in seasonal daylit hours, and European Medieval people’s struggles to have accurate timekeeping.

None of my sources suggest that three o’clock was considered the middle of the day at any point in time, therefore I would like to argue that the word noon did not originally refer to the middle of the day, but eventually, when it was given to the time that is more deserving of that title, came to do so. I believe that the denotation ��middle of the day” is something that is both scientifically and culturally awarded, and that for whatever reason the people (however unknowingly) creating the Old/Middle English language believed twelve o’clock to be so. If you wish to create your own cultural norms, by all means go ahead, just remember that the word culture refers to a group, so you’ll need to find some people who agree with you. (Which, hey, maybe you already have, maybe most people agree with you and I’m just being pedantic.)

Anyways um hi, sorry about this, I did in fact make a tumblr account solely to send you this, because the idea of doing so was too funny to me to not.  Also, I just discovered that the Oxford English Dictionary website has a pay wall these days and I am DEVASTATED I tell you, devastated. But yeah, I’ll stop, have a good weekend, I love you, I hope your morning spent on public transit hasn’t been too boring.

Works Cited

“Culture Definition & Meaning.” Merriam-Webster, Merriam-Webster, www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/culture. Accessed 2 Mar. 2024.

“Noon (n.).” Online Etymology Dictionary, www.etymonline.com/word/noon. Accessed 2 Mar. 2024.

“What Time Is ‘Noon’?” Merriam-Webster, Merriam-Webster, www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/noon-history-ninth-prayer-hour-nones. Accessed 2 Mar. 2024.

OFC you’re leaving citations on A TUMBLR ASK OH MY GODDD anyway I do believe I’m starting a cultural shift because everyone I’ve asked so far has NOT said mid-day is noon they’ve ranged from 11-1 to 1-2 (albeit a bit earlier than my 2-3 answer but STILL)

Yknow what fuck it let’s do a poll bb

anyywayyyy everyone say hi to my girlfrienddd give them a nice warm welcome to tumblr <3

[sirshio]

I promised you all a long essay on Cavendish and his autism, so here it is. But first, some notes.

Disclaimer number 1: there are headcanons about Cavendish's parents and childhood, but they logically connect to his behavior.

Disclaimer number 2: I'm an autistic person and this essay is about my own experience with this disorder. Though many traits are common for autistic people, it's possible you won't find your issues because I don't have them.

Disclaimer number 3: I'm not a therapist (not a professional one at least, just a huge fan of psychology and a child of a therapist), but I’m a person who deeply relates to Cavendish and wants to share this with fandom.

Disclaimer number 4: English isn't my first language, so sorry for possible mistakes and all this stuff, I’m doing my best.

Well, let's start with something small and not so noticeable and then move to things that are almost impossible not to see.

- his gestures. Not only that moment in "Smooth opera-tor", where he squishes a gummy bear (and Dakota said that he "hypnotized himself"), because I assume that this action is recognizable as pretty autistic without explanations.

Have you noticed how he holds his hands together (what is important, when he was young, too) or clenches them in fists? I'm not sure if these actions do have a name (a type of stimming probably), but I do the same pretty often and in completely different moods, I just like to FEEL my body and my skin, this is a soothing and nice feeling, and when I'm nervous, it helps to calm down a little (let's remember how in "First impressions" Cavendish entered Mr. Block's office).

Another gesture that is important to mention is when Professor Time called him by his name and Cavendish literally squealed and held his hands close to his cheeks (in “Phineas and Ferb effect”). Not sure if this is autistic, but I can relate, so I decided to mention this scene too.

(Him touching and holding Dakota will be in another section, though it's somewhat about gestures too)

- his speech. Again, I have no idea if him using rare words (for example, the word “scrumptious”) is an autistic trait, but I like to do this, mostly because I have a special love for words and I like when my speech is as "bookish" as possible, and him quoting Shakespear “the game is afoot” makes me relate to him too, sometimes I like quoting authors from the past. Another thing that I find important is that Cavendish (unlike Dakota) looks like a well-mannered and polite guy, but sometimes it is Dakota who shows politeness and knows how to talk to people nicely. For example, in "The little engine that couldn't" Dakota uses some polite clichés in his conversation with Milo and confuses Cavendish who understands them literally. Or in “Field of screams” Dakota teaches Cavendish how to ask politely (in the scene with that man who believed in aliens). I think that these two examples show different autistic traits that I have too: understanding everything literally and being (slightly) confused about communicating with other people. Like, why should I ask politely? Why should I be nice to people I don't personally like?

- him listing places where Dakota should've put Time Grenade instead of a hollow pumpkin (in “Milo’s Halloween Scream-a-torium”). Again, I'm not sure if this is autistic, but I can relate, too. I love lists.

- his love for rules. As an autistic person, I like to read rules, to make rules (in the most pedantic way you can imagine) and to follow them (of course, literally) - but I follow only rules I understand and like. So I can relate to young Cavendish enjoying both reading rules for time vehicles and using them, but I can also relate to Cavendish who broke rules and wanted to steal some cool gadgets with Dakota (in “Abducting Murphy’s law”). He doesn't like these rules, that's why he easily disrespects them (and actually likes it). I still don't know why I love rules (and I know this is common for autistic people). Maybe because they help to make life predictable, maybe because they help me to behave "in a proper way" and to be accepted... or both at the same time.

- him talking to himself. Once again, I'm not sure if this is autistic or not, but I do this pretty often.

When I'm excited and/or anxious about doing something new, I often talk to myself, like: "Okay, Shio, let's get going, you can do it!" Remember "First impressions", a scene where young Cavendish sits in his student car and is very proud of himself? The same situation, I think.

- him being a Professor Time fanboy. Remember the scene where our gang visited Doofenshmirtz and Cavendish was so excited about seeing his idol (in “Phineas and Ferb effect”)? Above all, he mentioned he has underwear with Doofenshmirtz's image and offered to show them. Well, it was done as a joke, but this is something I can relate to. If I met my very special idol (I assume that Doof is that figure for Cavendish, he actually said that), I would want to share something personal about myself with them. Not my underwear, of course, but still.

- the way he acts and how he expresses emotions. I believe that's very popular among autistic people, that often it's very hard to suppress our emotions. There are more things that cause emotions (things that are just okay for others), we're somehow more emotional than other people (at least I am) and often don't think if this is appropriate to express these emotions right now. I was told to "act normal and quiet" A LOT of times throughout my entire life, and I only was being sincere with myself and my feelings. Let's look at Cavendish, his emotions and how he expresses them. At the beginning, he seems to be calm and well-mannered, but the more we see, the more we can understand that this is not true. He can pretend to be calm, and the way he does it makes me think that his parents had no idea (and didn't want to have this idea, to be honest) how to raise an autistic child. I'm sure that every time little Cavendish got emotional and was acting "inappropriate" (I say it once more, it's really common for autistic people), he was told to calm down and to be normal. That's why (maybe, but this is my headcanon) he pretends that he's super calm and "above all those sillies". But when he's either in a comfortable situation and feels safe and secure (with Dakota, naturally) or gets really emotional - or both - he lets himself be sincere. He exclaims in joy, he shakes Dakota or holds him close, he acts like a dedicated and overhyped fan (over Professor Time, I mentioned this before).

- him focusing on "wrong" things. Again, that happens with me really often. For example, in “School dance” Mr. Block tells these two to do their job because they have no proof Milo is a special agent, but all that Cavendish got from his speech is that he is allowed to find this proof, because this is what is interesting and important to him, which means he stopped listening after that. I can relate so much!

- his somehow childish behavior, especially in episodes with Dennis, his teddy bear. I found a great post by @heloflor . You SHOULD read it right now, before you end my essay.

Autistic people grow in another way, it's different from other people. In some areas of life we're more mature that other people of our age, and in some we're much more immature. I think this is because autistic children aren't allowed to have a childhood that they need. We're very uncomfortable (because the world is scary, there are loud noises, cars can kill you, being in a crowd is a life-threatening situation) and we can't even help ourselves or even express how afraid we are because This Is Inappropriate. Adults near us don't understand our special interests, they think getting stuck with them is a sign of developmental delay, that we're forever mentally infants. We even can't have our comfort objects that help us to live in this very scary world, because - let's repeat again - This Is Inappropriate. Heloflor wrote a really good post about Cavendish's comfort object, please go and read what he thinks about it!

So, to sum up: Cavendish is not childish, he tries his best to deal with his life, he hasn't really had a childhood and tries to fulfill what he needs now.

Before I'll continue with my analysis of Cavendish's autistic traits, I want to talk about his (pretty low) self-esteem. Of course, it's connected to his mental disability, but it is not the same. As we can see, Cavendish needs praise from someone, he needs to be told that he’s done something right, he can't understand it by himself. He and Dakota saved the world? He can't accept that he did good without praise from Mr. Block. What is also important is how he reacts when someone scolds him (in “Time out” there was a scene where where Cavendish lost a vial of strange liquid that caused rat mutation and Brick scolds him). Just look at him at this moment, he is like a child when his parents are angry at him.

This all makes clear that in his childhood his parents weren't happy with his behavior and never told him anything good about him. If a person can't value themselves, this means their parents didn't value them, didn't love them for who they are (or didn't show this love enough and properly). I believe that it is very difficult for Cavendish to understand that he can be loved because he is, well, Cavendish (NO SHIO PLEASE DON'T QUOTE DAKOTA NO).

When someone has a really low self-esteem, but at the same time has somebody who loves him (as a partner, as a friend, as a relative…), there are several ways to act about that (they may mix). First is to do everything for this person, to become a perfect friend/partner/child/etc. Because only when you're perfect, you deserve love. Always to be by their side, always to understand their feelings (without them telling how they feel), always to share their interests. And I mean always, like, really always. Second is to do something not nice on purpose, something that will annoy this person or make them sad, just to show them that you're NOT nice and do NOT deserve love. (I believe there are more ways, but I know only these two). And I think Cavendish chooses the second way in “Abducting Murphy’s law”, where he loses his temper when Dakota doesn’t believe him.

This whole episode (“Look at this ship”) is another important thing about Cavendish and his autism. First, it seems that Dakota is the closest and the most important person for Cavendish, he believes him, he feels comfortable with him, he feels that Dakota understands him and his special needs (just look at this post about a teddy bear), so it's natural that Cavendish expects Dakota to believe him that he saw an alien ship, but Dakota doesn't, and it's when Cavendish gets emotional and throws a tantrum. I don't excuse him, but I can relate. When someone that is so precious and dear to me, who always understands me, suddenly doesn't believe me, I feel hurt and not needed, I want to leave this person, I think that they are better off without me. And I think that is exactly what happened to Cavendish. Of course Dakota didn't deserve that (in fact, he said that he believes in Cavendish's belief, what means he respects him even without fully understanding), but again, Cavendish’s reaction is normal for someone like him. I believe that his parents never really cared about his needs, his emotions and so on, so Dakota who does this became the most important person. This makes his disbelief even more hurtful. And in addition, Cavendish already was very upset because of them being fired and treated clearly not as he wanted. All this make his emotional condition really bad, and Dakota's words were the last straw.

Second, the alien ship itself is for me a big metaphor for autism. There's something that is important to us (be it a sensor overload, a special need etc.) that other people don't see and don't understand. And some (a lot of) people will never understand, no matter how hard we try to explain. Sometimes it's devastating, sometimes we begin to fear that there's really nothing, sometimes we stop believing ourselves (a scene where Cavendish tries to prove that there's an invisible ship and jumps on it, but at this exact moment there is really no ship). Why didn't he just take Dakota to this thing? Because he already hadn’t believed him, and this is enough. Cavendish tries to get validation from some “experts” (journalists), but all that is in vain.

In addition, I think it is really important that this ship is alien (and not just invisible). Because for other people we are like aliens. We don't understand your rules, your emotions, your culture, we act strange and inappropriate, we are weird… And often you just think we imagined all this, that we are weird or crazy. We don't exist, like aliens.

One more thing before I end this pretty lengthy essay. I'm so glad that in this series people with mental disabilities and issues (like Cavendish) don't look like cute little orphans from a sweet holly story who are so easy to be compassionate with. No, sometimes they are selfish jerks and it's difficult to build a relationship with them. And I think this is really, really important. We are not “quirky and adorkable cuties”, we are people who are often difficult to be with. And it is difficult to be us.

Phew, this is a long essay. I hope I haven’t forgotten anything important! But if you think I have, please feel free to reblog and add :) And I hope you liked what I’ve written.

I wasn't planning to get emotional, but I clearly failed, because Cavendish is so special to me.

P.S. my Tumblr app is crazy, it doesn't allow me to make a post with actual screenshots, that's why I took photos of a screen instead :( sorry for inconvenience.

[dhampling]

"Hugging the other from behind" from this list of prompts with Astarion hugging his very tall, very pregnant wife from behind because I think the image of it is so cute. :3

this made me WEEP. i love this prompt. i would gladly write for any from the linked list honestly they're all so soft. i got carried away and it became a thing. thank you for sending this my way i love you MWAH.

“Darling, I have a bounty of treats and an evening of tales hopefully dull enough to finally send you to sleep.” 

Astarion clatters through the door, kicking his shoes off and dropping two armfuls of brimming paper bags onto the table.

“You need to stop kicking your shoes when you take them off. It’s scuffing the wall.” You frown. He rolls his eyes and scoffs.

“Stop being pedantic. I’ll paint over it or something.”

“That means I have to look at it until you do. Which could be avoided, if you didn’t do it in the first place.”

“Do you spend a lot of time looking at our entryway wall specifically?’

He sighs.

‘Gods, my love; get a life.” 

If looks could kill.

His shoulders sag and he moves behind you with soft-socked steps, shuffling to where you stand chopping vegetables for some kind of soup. 

You exhale deeply. Roll your head back.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I am. I’ll stop it. I know it’s a poor habit.” He grimaces, head dipped.

“I shouldn’t have snapped. I’m just tired.”

One of your hands moves to your back while the other wipes your moist forehead. Astarion looks over you with a small, reverent smile.

“I know, love. Still nothing?”

You shake your head, mindlessly now running a hand over your heavily swollen belly and allowing your sleepy eyelids to fall closed for a brief moment.

“No respite from this, I’m afraid. Not ‘til she’s here.”

Astarion still can’t quite believe you’ve reached this point at all. You and the dhampling are both in good health and no major issues have arisen so far. It’s been - relatively speaking - smooth sailing. His only wish is that you were shorter so that he’d be able to fully wrap his arms around the both of you; all three in a snug cocoon.

He’d expected, prepared for issues. Read up on every possible complication he could and how to mitigate any damage to both parties. 

And yet at the final stretch you’ve found yourself wholly unable to rest. 

“Right. I picked up some fennel, lemon balm and chamomile from the Night Market and I’m going to make you the world’s best pot of sleepy tea.’

He looks about the kitchen and spots a cookbook open beside the chopping board.

‘Leave the soup, I’ll finish that. Nope. Don’t argue with me, darling. It’s unbecoming.’

He grins as you look at him, dazed.

‘And lastly, your treats!’

From the paper bags he retrieves a punnet of plump raspberries, a pound of almond cake and a pint of fresh cream. He scrambles in the cupboard and finds a large stoneware bowl, adding plentiful amounts of each component and flourishing the top with a spoon.

‘Now eat, sweetling.”

You pore over the bowl of raspberries and almond cake still sitting on the counter, shovelling a heaped spoonful into your mouth and groaning in delight.

“Gods. I didn’t realise how hungry I was.’

Your husband watches you fondly from behind.

‘Thank you.”

He comes up from behind you and wraps you in the softest hug, arms still unable to reach entirely around the bump but he gives it his best shot.

You rock side to side like this together for a minute, his head buried snug into your shoulder in a loving silence.

“No. Thank you. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

[bumblebeehug]

In The Heat Of The Moment

Summary: An answer to an interview is the straw that breaks the camel's, or in this case, Lucy's back. She has never been this angry with Natsu before - and he's never been this angry with her.

Warnings: No explicit content, but lots of swearing.

Notes: Sorry if this is a bit OOC lol, I got itchy fingers last year and wrote 90% of this fic in one go with no prior planning. Only got back to it now, but hey! It's finished!

Ao3

***

Lucy was so unbelievably fed up with Natsu. Even looking at him had her filled with an indescribable rage, practically making her fume. That stupid, idiot man! She had never felt this anger before, not even against a tough enemy she was facing during extra hard missions. No, no words could describe the resentment she felt towards Natsu, not even coming from her, a proper writer.

“You just don’t get it Natsu! God, can you please try to use that non-existent brain for once?” She yelled in despair, tears welling over in her eyes from the heartbreaking frustration building in her heart.

“No, I don’t get it Lucy! For fuck’s sake, why do you have to be such a pedantic bitch?” His big hand grabbed her collar, making it tighten up significantly.

Lucy wasn’t scared, she told herself, because being scared of the person she hated the most was not only unbelievably embarrassing, but also just way below her standards. So she fiercely bit down on her lip, partly to make the tears stop flooding, partly to throw the fire dragon slayer off guard.

Natsu’s usually kind onyx eyes looked like angry storms, showing her the most spiteful stare she had gotten in a very long time.

“Maybe I’m a pedantic bitch because I’ve always had to balance out your disgusting childish personality all the fucking time. Do you have any idea of what a menace you are, not only to me or this guild, but to society?” She hissed, no longer holding back the anger she felt. Natsu, out of everyone, was the last person she wanted to hear those comments from, because frankly - he was no better than her in this matter.

Natsu pursed his lips. He had never seen Lucy this upset, and frankly, he hadn’t felt this upset since, well, Igneel left him in the woods as a kid. It had all started a few weeks ago, when he had been interviewed for a double paged article in Sorcerer's Weekly. He had gotten the usual questions, except two or three out of the ordinary. He was asked about random things, like his favourite restaurant and his best picnic spot - all manageable questions, until it came to the last one.

“Why did you leave the guild before it disbanded?” Jason asked, his lock of hair wiggling in the wind. Natsu of course answered with the usual - he wanted to get stronger for the guild after dealing with Igneel’s death. Only, this time he was asked a follow up question.

“Did you ever worry about anyone while you were away? Anyone particularly?”

“Well…” He had answered, “I suppose I was a bit worried about my team, but in general I was worried about everyone. I think out of all of the guildmates I might be the most fired up to protect everyone. There’s no telling what type of trouble could come to Fairy Tail you know.” That sentence wasn’t the problem though. It was the one that came after that. “I told Lucy to tell everyone hi as I left, but she probably didn’t manage to do that since she let the guild disband.” An innocent sentence according to Natsu. He had just commented on the letter he had given her, and provided a clue on what he had written in it - nothing more, nothing less, right?

The rest of the day was quite peaceful, not even any guild brawls starting up in the evening. It could probably be described as the calm before the storm, he learned the following day.

“You told him I let the guild disband!?” Lucy yelled as she entered the guild by slamming up the doors.

It was still quite early in the morning, though a lot of members came in early on Thursdays, hoping to grab quick high paying jobs before the weekend. Every step Lucy took was loud as she stomped to the bar where Natsu sat and the guild got quiet enough for anyone to hear a pin drop. Lucy waved the copy of the magazine in front of her before slamming it down in front of Natsu, disrupting his otherwise quite calm breakfast.

“That you were worried about the protection of the guild, when you ran off with nothing but a letter!?”

“What- what are you talking about?” Natsu asked, confused over the sudden accusation - coming from his best friend nonetheless!

“I’m talking about the interview from yesterday! What on earth made you say something like that?” Lucy took a small step back and crossed her arms. Partly to calm herself from the initial shock, but also partly to hide the betrayal she felt.

Telling Jason, and the entire continent for that matter, that Lucy didn’t succeed at contacting their friends in the guild because she let it disband? It felt like a shot in the heart, because she really didn’t think Natsu would ever say such a thing. She was afraid of it, but she told herself she was being paranoid due to her issues with abandonment. Now she was watching her biggest fears come true and she felt conflicted whether she was meant to be furious or depressed over it.

Natsu stood up from his seat and tried putting his hand on her shoulder in an attempt to soothe her. Not pleased with his half-assed apology, Lucy immediately shook him off.

“I don’t know what to say… I didn’t think he would write it down so literally I guess?”

He still didn’t understand where her anger was coming from. He had really just told Jason some things that he usually didn’t talk about—like his letter to Lucy and how he truly felt when he and Happy left to train. If anything he felt a bit proud for opening up more.

“But you’re admitting that you said it?” She opened the spread in the magazine, to properly quote him. “‘I think out of all of the guildmates I might be the most fired up to protect everyone,’ it says, and wait - there’s more: ‘I told Lucy to tell everyone hi as I left, but she probably didn’t manage to do that since she let the guild disband.’ Do you agree that that is what you said?” She looked into his eyes, still wishing Jason misinterpreted what he actually said, though now fretting to hear the truth.

“Well… yeah I guess I did say exactly that. I don’t know what you want me to say,” Natsu said, not understanding why Lucy was being so dramatic over some words.

He usually found her endearing when she acted dramatic over things but now he was growing annoyed. He really didn’t like that she was getting mad at him for telling his truth to Sorcerer’s Weekly.

Lucy fought her quivering lip. He really said it. And it looked like he really thought so too. That it was Lucy’s fault that the Fairy Tail guild disbanded—not that she was the cause of it, but that she didn’t do anything to stop it. Even if it was true–she didn’t know what to do at the time, knowing that Natsu and Happy left her with only a short, quite poorly written letter, still healing both physically and emotionally from the war against Tartaros. She felt sick to her stomach hearing it from him.

“I’d like an apology,” she said, her voice shaking slightly as she forced herself not to cry. “I want you to apologise for blaming me for a situation that you ran away from. Say that you’re sorry.” She said it louder this time. She refused to put up with his unfair claims, and she knew she deserved an apology.

“Okay. I’m sorry for telling Jason my true feelings, but that’s just how I feel. Sorry if you don’t think you’re not at least partially responsible for letting the guild disband. But you know that if I were there I would never have let that happen.”

Natsu knew he was pulling the wrong strings here, but even if he never said it, the knowledge that the disbandment could have—no, would have been stopped if he was there was enough to feel like the rest of the guild hadn’t tried hard enough themselves. Frankly, putting all of that blame on Lucy was unfair and untrue and Natsu knew it, but it was hard to take back printed words.

“Oh I know you wouldn’t let it happen, because Natsu Dragneel is soooo much better than everyone else here, right? No, fuck that Natsu. Because you. Weren’t. There. Alright?” Lucy clenched her teeth as she said it.

”You have no right telling us how little we tried to keep the guild together. You have no right to talk like you’re the only one who cares about what happens to this guild, because out of everyone, you’ve proven to care the least about the guild! What’s that about being the ‘most fired up about protecting everyone’ huh? How can you protect people if you’re. Not. There!” Lucy poked Natsu harshly in the chest as she said the last three words, feeling her cheeks heat up in a growing rage.

She hadn’t originally wanted to bring up this event. In fact, she had practically laid awake every single night during that disbanded year, telling herself to forgive and forget as soon as possible. Because she knew no one’s circumstance was easy to deal with and sometimes obeying master Makarov’s order was the only thing you could do in a crisis like that. She had really, really, wanted to leave all of this behind her.

“Do you know what I went through in that war? Do you? I lost my dad, Lucy. I had to see him get murdered by Acnologia. You might not have liked your father, but for the longest time you still had one—you just chose not to see him and for what? Some childish anger about him working too hard and ‘neglecting’ you? I would have switched places with you in an instant if it meant I got to know my father was alive and well.” His voice gradually rose as he spoke, and simultaneously a pit grew in his stomach.

He hated this. He knew very well he wouldn’t actually want to switch places with Lucy, because he knew their situations weren’t comparable, but the more he spoke the harder it was to back down from his words.

“Don’t claim you’d want to switch places with me Natsu Dragneel. Don’t you even dare. Your childhood was great thanks to Igneel and mine was horrible because of my father. I know you wanted to get stronger to beat Acnologia, I understand wholeheartedly. I can even say that it was completely reasonable for you to leave me—to leave all of us, but I can’t let you think that you were the only one who lost a dear family member.” Lucy had run out of breath, but was quick to catch it again.

“Wendy, Gajeel, Sting and Rogue all lost their dragons, their parents as well, you know. And I lost a family member, Natsu. What’s worse is that I had to break our bond, I broke Aquarius’ key. She’s the only thing my mom left me and I had to give her up to save all of you. I would do it all again in a heartbeat for all of you but I might never find her key again and I have to live with the knowledge that I’m the reason we can’t see each other.” Her tears were dangerously close to overflowing, but she held them back.

“So don’t use Igneel as a shield for your shitty actions, Natsu. No one would have stopped you from training here, hell, no one would have stopped you from running away if you only talked to me first! But you left a letter with only chicken scratch on it, and you didn’t even try to get in contact with me while you were gone.” Lucy felt herself yelling at this point. She had to, otherwise she would’ve stopped mid-sentence as she saw Natsu’s face change from stoic and indifferent—maybe a little upset—to hurt. But now the ball was in Natsu’s court.

“I wrote you a fucking letter Lucy,” he hissed through his teeth, “that’s more than I did to anyone else. What more do you want, huh? A tiara, a horse, a castle maybe? Why do you think you’re so entitled to everything?”

He was reaching now and he knew it. Her coming from a rich family had nothing to do with this argument, but he knew he couldn’t say anything else to answer her about Igneel and Aquarius. Because she was right. He just hated that she was. He hated it because she knew how to talk about her feelings, and he didn’t, which is why he spent that year trying to get ahold of himself. And he hated that she knew him so well, but that she couldn’t figure that small thing out. That he regretted leaving more than anything else, that he regretted the letter he gave her, that he regretted not reaching out. He was acting cowardly, and out of everyone in the guild, he really thought that Lucy would understand.

Lucy however was getting fed up with how he was making this argument more personal than it already was. What more did she want than a letter? She had already told him that she wanted signs that he had at least tried to reach out, to show her that he didn’t completely abandon her. Lucy was so unbelievably fed up with Natsu at this point. That stupid, idiot man! No words could describe the resentment she felt towards Natsu, not even coming from her, a proper writer.

“You just don’t get it Natsu! God, can you PLEASE try to use that non-existing brain for once!?” She yelled in despair, tears welling over in her eyes from the heartbreaking frustration building in her heart.

“No, I don’t get it Lucy! For fucks sake, why do you have to be such a pedantic bitch?” He couldn’t stand her vague hints at what she wanted him to say. Why couldn’t she understand that he wanted real answers to his questions, not insults to his mental capacity. His big hand grabbed her collar, making it tighten up significantly. Lucy wasn’t scared, she told herself, because being scared of the person she hated the most at the moment was not only unbelievably embarrassing, but also just way below her standards. So she fiercely bit down on her lip, partly to make the tears stop flooding, partly to throw the fire dragon slayer off guard.

Natsu’s usually kind onyx eyes looked like angry storms, showing her the most spiteful stare she had gotten in a very long time.

“Maybe I’m a pedantic bitch because I’ve always had to balance out your disgusting childish personality all the fucking time. Do you have any idea of what a menace you are, not only to me or this guild, but to society?” She hissed, no longer holding back the anger she felt. If he wanted to make this fight about things that didn’t relate to that article, then she wouldn’t hold back. Natsu, out of everyone, was the last person she wanted to hear those comments from.

“I don’t give a fuck if you think I’m a menace to society or whatever because at least I manage to protect society from whatever dangers they face! I’m the one who saved the entire continent from fucking Acnologia, and what did you do in the meantime, huh?” He sneered, lifting her higher in the collar. His fists were itching to… not hit her, but hit something. Gray would have been a good target, but the wall was closer – he made a mental note.

“Believe it or not mister main character syndrome, I was helping beating Acnologia. In real life, and not just in whatever weird imaginary place you ended up in.” She was really reaching again. “You, however, always think I’m just some weak loser who can’t hold her own ground! As if I don’t save your butt every single mission due to your stupid recklessness!” Lucy wasn’t backing down despite feeling Natsu’s scolding hot breath against her face. “And no, I don’t care about how you claim to always act on instinct to protect your family, because it’s proper bullshit! You don’t get to act all high and mighty and great for this guild because your indecisiveness and pure weakness made you leave this guild to rot for an entire year. If you’re going to become this guild’s self proclaimed protector, then you’ve got to be here to protect it.” Lucy pulled away from Natsu’s grip, forcing some space between them.

“No, Lucy, you have no right to say that to me. It’s thanks to me we’ve survived almost every single danger the guild has faced. It’s thanks to me the guild won the Grand Magic Games - or wait, no it wasn’t! Because back then I was saving your ass from getting killed! So sorry for saving you and successfully protecting you all this time. I knew you were whiny, but I didn’t know you resented me for fixing your life. I brought you to this guild, you should be thanking me, not yelling at me for having my own life aside from you.”

“Would you just shut up!” Lucy’s voice cracked, and she quickly resented herself for saying that. “If you regret bringing me here to this guild then maybe I should just leave? But just know that I never ever left this guild in the dust to run away with one of my best friends, leaving the other one behind to rot. I never ran away, despite not being able to speak to my father before he died, despite feeling weak. Because I know I am And I don’t need you to tell me. I’m weak, I’m weird and you think I’m a sensitive, whiny bitch, because no matter what great feats I make, I will always be that spineless girl according to the entire fucking continent.”

Natsu pursed his lips. He had never seen Lucy this upset, and frankly, he hadn’t felt this upset since Igneel left him in the woods as a kid. Hearing her say that she would leave really threw him back into reality though, her words feeling like a bucket of ice cold water getting thrown at him. What the fuck was he doing? Fighting her over something as small as not being able to honestly apologise about blaming her for not managing to hold the whole guild together by herself? An impossible feat, now that he thought about it, unless everyone in the guild had the same mindset.

“No. No, no, no, Lucy, let’s not do this,” he mouthed, relaxing his fists and softening his face. “You’re not weak, or weird, or a sensitive spineless girl.”

As their yelling match quieted down they both became aware of their surroundings again. No one had said a single word while they had been throwing insults at each other, and Lucy became uncomfortably aware of how she basically outed all of her insecurities in the heat of it all. No longer feeling the fighting spirit to keep the tears abay, she let them blur her vision. Fighting with her best friend was draining, and she never ever wanted to do it again.

“You’re the person I hate the least in, like, the whole world, please don’t say you’ll leave.” He almost whispered this sentence, not wanting everyone to listen in to their private conversation, but getting the opposite effect as he heard Gajeel whisper to Levy what he had said. If anything, talking quieter made the guild listen even more attentively.

Lucy once again felt her throat thicken up, but this time from regret for fighting and not in anger, as earlier.

“Of course I won’t leave. I would never do that. It’s just…” She sniffled, “I know you probably didn’t mean to hurt my feelings during that interview, you didn’t know that I already blame myself for letting the guild disband, and for not trying harder to keep in contact with everyone. How could you know, I never told you. It just got extra hurtful to hear that you felt the same way. It’s like having one of your biggest fears come true and I just got so… sad… that I got angry instead.”

Natsu could see that she was gathering courage to apologise, which truthfully broke his heart even more than it already had today.

“But I don’t think you’re to blame, I honestly don’t even know what got into me, Lucy. If anything I know that you kept tabs on everyone behind the scenes because rather than ripping up healing scars, you wanted to make sure everyone was safe, wherever they were. I’ve never told you how relieved I was when I saw that we didn’t have to start from scratch to find everyone, all thanks to the fact that you dedicated yourself to getting a job that would give you the information necessary. You’re amazing for everything you’ve done, and if anything, I’m the one who needs to realise that I’m the weak one. I shouldn’t have left everyone like that. It wasn’t fair, and it isn’t an excuse but I was sad and, well… scared.”

This time it was Lucy’s turn to interrupt Natsu.

“You’re not weak for doing what you thought would keep your loved ones safe, Natsu. I know you didn’t abandon me, you really were trying to protect us all, in your way. Though, it would be nice if you knew that we’re here for you too. We want to protect you and the guild as well. I want to protect you.”

“I’m still sorry for leaving. And I’m sorry for not thinking before I talk, I never wanted to make you feel that way. I was being really stupid. Can you forgive me?”

The air was thick between them, mixed with remnants of hurtful words and regret. A few whispers from the rest of the guild made it even more obvious that the current situation was wrong - Natsu and Lucy couldn’t fight. They were best friends, an inseparable duo. It was all so wrong. Lucy’s sobs broke the silence.

“Of course I can forgive you.” A huff or relief mixed with a sob made its way out, almost sounding like laughter. Natsu felt the corners of his mouth pull up slightly, the weight on his shoulders lifting simultaneously. Carefully he took a step closer to her, pulling her into an embrace. Lucy’s relieved sobs made her shake against his chest as she allowed herself to fall into the hug. “If anything,” she breathed, “can you forgive me? You’re not a menace to society, nor exhausting to be with. I’m sorry for yelling at you.” As her voice broke into falsetto, mixing with previous sobs, Natsu managed to laugh lightly.

“Well you were right about the destructive part,” he laughed, tightening his grip around her shivering shoulders. “There’s really no need for you to apologise, but I’ll forgive you if it helps you to forgive yourself.”

Happy gave out a loud cry from beside them.

“I’m sorry Lucy..!” He wailed, throwing himself into their arms. “I didn’t know you’d be so sad about us leaving..!” Seeing Happy cry made Lucy cry even more.

“Of course I’d be sad if my best friends left me,” she managed to say, “I felt so lonely… You guys are everything to me, it was so weird to live without you.”

Happy’s cry was almost deafening at this point, as the only thing muffling the sound was Lucy’s chest and his occasional mumbling about loving her and apologising. The guild kept quiet, no one knowing how to react to the situation. The topic of the disbandment of the guild was rarely spoken of, often due, but not limited to, people silently judging themselves and others for allowing it to even happen in the first place. Cana could lie awake some nights in shame of how she had been drinking away reality when it happened, Elfman took more single missions than ever before, spending them wondering if he hadn’t made the guild blow up, would Makarov never have disbanded Fairy Tail? Some people were firm believers that they’d step up to keep the guild together, if someone had initiated it at first that was. Everyone had their own discomfort around the subject, yet very few had actually spoken about it out loud. Watching the guild’s sun and star fight over the delicate matter had brought feelings they hadn’t felt in a long time, so when Erza spoke up everyone held their breaths.

“I think we all have our uncomfortable memories connected to that year. I can admit, with full transparency, that I also have had some sleepless nights over this topic. But I can assure you both that no one blames either of you, in any way. It’s true that Natsu takes the job of protecting the guild in the highest regard of seriousness, and it’s also true that Lucy does too. To be frank, often I wonder if I could have prevented everything had I been more perceptive. But I’ve never blamed either of you.” Erza’s tone was soft, despite her words being stale and clearly rehearsed in her head. Her own confession made a myriad of other people speak up as well.

“Yeah, we never blamed you two. You’re the ones that brought us together again!” The guild stirred, people talking over each other to get their two cents on the topic. After all, the disbandment was a dam waiting to burst – Natsu and Lucy had just accidentally pulled the plug.

“Well…” the coarse voice that spoke up made the guild quiet down again. Makarov had made an appearance, and Natsu and Lucy, who were already ashamed for having their affairs sorted out in front of their guild mates, got even more embarrassed knowing that he had heard it all. “I must say that I’m surprised, and actually offended, that no one has put the blame on me. You can deny it all you want, but at the end of the day it was me, not any of you, that uttered the words that caused the disbandment. It was never my intention for you to get mad at yourselves or each other.”

Glances were passed around in the guild. Between people who had fought over this topic, and between people who had plotted against other groups.

“I won’t say sorry though.” Makarov gave the crowd a stern look. “I did what I thought was the best thing to do at the time. And you can try to prove me wrong, but everyone here grew during that year. You took your own paths, and experienced new ways of living. I’m sorry for the aftermath of disbanding the guild, but I’m not sorry for doing it.”

When Makarov finished his sentences, the guild let out a collective sigh. Some got annoyed with Makarov’s demeanour – hadn’t he listened to Natsu and Lucy, and heard how harmful the event had been for their relationship? Others sighed in relief, nodding along with his words. He had a point after all, and like it or not, the guild had absolutely gotten stronger after their time apart. Someone mentioned the saying that “distance makes the heart fonder” and another guy pushed him for being corny.

Soon enough the argument between Natsu and Lucy had sizzled out. For everyone besides them, that is. Except, they both felt like there were things to deal with still. There were no more hard feelings between them, their troubles had been aired out and felt small now that they weren’t topics to carefully tread around anymore. Still, they hadn't come to a conclusion. They wanted to talk.

“Do… Do you want to go to my place?” Lucy asked, now that no one paid them attention.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

They knew they didn’t have any eyes on them, but they decided to sneak out the back way anyway. It didn’t feel right to walk out through the big doors that made a big thunk when it closed behind them. Not today. They were still worn thin from the screaming battle – a loud sound might break them from shockwaves only.

The walk home was naturally quiet. They had taken this route home many times before, but back then the silence didn’t feel so empty. It wasn’t awkward, it wasn’t emotionally thick. There weren’t any unsaid words, unsaid sentences hanging in the air, clinging to their brains like velcro. Today, everything had been said. There were no more elephants to avoid talking about. Except maybe one.

Lucy was the first to enter the apartment. She took her time untying her shoes and hanging up her jacket. They had gone here to talk, though how, she had no idea. How was she supposed to say anything when the same mouth had heckled him only an hour earlier? Natsu, who also took his time with his sandals, almost moving unnaturally slowly to get those extra seconds to prepare himself, wondered the same thing. He started formulating sentences in his mind, trying to come up with something to say that wasn’t going to ruin them, but before he could put any of them to the test, Lucy spoke.

“Do you want a cup of tea?” Both Lucy herself and Natsu gave her a mental pat on the shoulder. Harmless words. A good sentence even – Natsu would give it first place in the world if he could.

“Yeah, sounds good.” Another successful sentence. Maybe they actually would be able to solve all this.

After Lucy put on the kettle, they both sat down on the couch beside each other. She was first to speak again.

“Natsu, I really am sorry for everything I said.” Natsu tried to stop her there to insert his own apology, but Lucy spoke up louder. “I really said so many things that I didn’t mean, and I’m ashamed I even started the whole argument. It was really immature of me, and I…”

Lucy looked up at Natsu, water was once again pressing in her tear ducts, though this time in regret.

“I just really really love this guild. I don’t know where I would be without it. You seriously saved me that day in Hargeon, in more ways than one. I’m so thankful, I’m sorry for not telling you that more often. Thank you.”

Natsu stared intensely into Lucy’s eyes, wishing his gaze could speak for him, but ultimately deciding to answer.

“I don’t think you understand Lucy, I should thank you. And most of all, It’s me who should apologise. Hadn’t you been in my life I’d still be walking around with a stick up my bum, you’ve changed my perspective on life. We’ve gone through Hell and back together, but I never even once considered you part of that Hell. I’m sorry for being a jerk today.” Natsu didn’t notice until now that he had softly grabbed Lucy’s hand while speaking. He was beyond relieved that she didn’t pull back.

Lucy let out a light sob. She was crying in relief – the reassurance that he didn’t despise her.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you Natsu. You-” she dried some of her tears with the palm of her hand, “you’re my entire world.”

“And you’re mine.” Natsu was quick to answer her, and faster to bring their faces closer. He felt this urge to hug her, keep her tight and not let go for anything in the world, but at the same time he wanted to see her. See her eyes that were still crying, feel her face against his own. So he brought their foreheads together and just breathed with her. Lucy’s breaths were still shallow and shaky, but it felt right to have her skin touching his, breathing in her air.

Then Lucy closed the distance completely. She carefully locked her lips together with his, not being forceful in any way. But they knew that this was the sensation they had been searching for. A complete closeness, mouth to mouth, an action so intimate it felt like they were sharing souls. And right now, they might as well have done exactly that. All their troubles had been shared, all their uglies and all their pretties, and this final action signed a contract. That they’ll keep mentioning anything on their minds, that they’ll say everything they like and dislike about each other. Most importantly what they love about each other. In this short moment of telepathy, they already knew the subject of their love – them.

***

Notes: Oops. At least I ended it with a kiss? I can't lie, this was hard to write and even harder to post (I can't figure out the Rich Text function on Ao3 at all, but I needed italics for the fic on ao3! Sorry tumblr-readers, you’re missing out🫣)

I honestly didn't expect it to get so long, most of the fics I write that are over 4k words are mostly just wordy for no reason, lol. But this fic had some drama! My teachers would be proud, dramatic curves are important but I Suck At Them.

Thank you for reading all this! And pls don't hate me for writing other emotions than love and grief, I'll most definitely get back with a trillion of those kinds of fics soon (I prefer writing those fics hehe). XX

[campbyler]

that thing about the chapters makes total sense yeah! i liked hearing you break down the themes and realisations etc, it's nice to hear meaty info about the creative process and undercurrents in the work alongside the jokier interactive posts you guys usually make!

and we are both aware that we could probably cut certain scenes or events out, but we also are very adamant about maintaining a pace that feels realistic and makes sense, which usually leads to those higher word counts 😙

the word count splitting absolutely makes sense then, too - two halves of a whole. i'm surprised people have complained about wanting you to cut down on actual scenes for word count purposes... i wouldnt want to lose action or scenes themselves! maybe they meant more brevity or succintness? not repeating things that don't add to the narrative as much, etc. because the dialogue between characters is the most exciting part, as it usually is in storytelling! its happening NOW, we're IN IT with these characters, its so compelling compared to description or that famous bane of writers' lives: long recountings of events that happened previously or 'offscreen'.

please don't cut out action scenes and dialogue - i'm thinking of how my heart picked up when mike was waiting for will to get the sparklers, that tension was so well played... and also the final scene of 10.2, how fast mike's realisations moved as he kissed will into the sand. a vast contrast to how long it took to get there - so perhaps your stylistic choice is to slow the pace and draw out that delicious tension by making characters very pedantic and introspective rather than by adding more external action, dialogue, or obstacles that prevent them getting where they want to go. mike and will ARE their own biggest obstacles, it seems. and perhaps this is the vibe you wanted to create; it makes for a story that really feeds into the cloyingness of being stuck in your head and being stuck in one place - camp - no matter how much the boys both love it. the camp itself becomes a crucible for the story, giving the reader themselves something of the same claustrophobic feeling mike and will must have. very meta!

i’m so glad that helped clear things up from our perspective! we like to largely let the fic speak for itself obviously, so we usually refrain from flat out saying what the intention behind certain decisions was, but in the context of asks like this and the og regarding chapter/overall fic structure, it did seem fitting to clarify the purposes of chapters 9 and 10 more specifically so i’m glad everything makes sense! sorry for the absolute beast of an answer that’s going to follow, except for i’m not. teehee

regarding the word count, i don’t think we’ve been told outright that we should cut down on certain scenes to keep the wc lower, aside from maybeeee a comment or two that i can remember remarking on us over-describing or over-narrating things? which is probably true at times but also honestly that’s just me n thea’s writing style, so if there is something really egregious we will likely catch it while editing and otherwise we’ll just let it slide 🤷🏽‍♀️ overall though, i feel like it’s more of an implied thing — since we talk often about chapters taking longer to get out due to our typical 20-30k count, i’m sure a few people have wondered why we choose to include all of the interactions and details that we do. thea did actually give me the push i needed to take out an almost 2k chunk that we both loved but agreed was a little clunky and unnecessary in the context of what was happening, and its removal wasn’t detracting from any characters or relationships or worldbuilding in the chapter. so there are definitely times that we do decide something isn’t important enough to tack on a couple thousand extra words, and we will rectify that when possible!

this also brings me to your point about Long Recountings of Offscreen Events — that’s also something we try really hard to avoid, and when we do want to recount something that happened in the past or offscreen, as is natural for basically every story, we do try to make it feel natural and in the moment, like a character is simply remembering or thinking about something instead of trying to catch the reader up to present day. i LOVEE writing dialogue, maybe too much (i added almost all of the 1700ish words i deleted back again with dialogue. oops) but i completely agree with you in that the In The Moment-ness of it all is what’s most compelling to me as well — writing their reactions as they happen, or adding distinctive mannerisms and thoughts and motions while two or more characters speak.,, ougghh it makes my brain vibrate. but of course you need narration and descriptions to fill in those gaps, and i hope our efforts come off as at least somewhat successful! and for the most part, fleshing out the characters and the story and setting as much as possible is just as key to us as the Byler Moments are — if we wanted to focus on only every interaction mike and will had with each other while tabling those with the rest of the party, background/original characters, or the setting of camp as a whole, we would write a much different (and much shorter) fic instead :-)

finally, about 10.2 specifically: THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH WHDBHDHDGDJ <- me blubbering with happiness FRRR. thea can tell you firsthand that i spent many weeks banging my head against my desk trying to hammer out the entirety of the bonfire scene and its transitions — it was particularly tricky for me to try and balance general pacing with the inclusion of other characters And having everything lead up to the final moments, so i’m so so so glad it was a good read and that everything felt fitting and intentional because it was definitely meant to be! thea mentioned this in the last ask but will in ch09 gets kind of bowled over by his realization moment all at once, whereas mike kind of has two separate ones — one in 10.1, and one at the end of 10.2, both helping him come to terms with similar but different aspects of his romantic feelings and processing them and moving forward — and i didn’t want them to feel like the same moment happening twice (past a certain obvious degree).

they definitely are their own worst obstacles, especially in a modern au that takes away a good amount (but definitely not all!) of the canon universe pressure of comphet and sexuality and conformation. i know this is a big reason people tend to shy away from modern aus in this fandom, because it’s true that the source material is pretty heavy on these themes, and i have my thoughts on this that i’ll probably expand on soon, but to me, in doing so, it’s kind of a really fun exercise in fleshing out their internal struggles and playing off of those more, if that makes sense: their shared stubbornness, self-repression, reactivity and emotional tendencies, etc, but also the fact that they are very kind, generous, and loyal characters who, at least in the context of acswy, are more scared of being hurt by each other or themselves than they are actually invested in “hating” each other. and you bring up an excellent point as well, probably something that has been more of a subconscious but known goal for us than something we are On Purpose trying to get across: everything is happening in one location during one part of the year for a reason! they’ve had good memories here and bad, both in regards to each other and their friendship and otherwise, and are drawn to coming back every summer just as much as they are each other. with the brief exception of ch09 (although the context of it is a Rare Day Away From Camp, so the idea is still there lol), the emotional journey of the mainline fic very much plays out in the same place to try and convey that.

sorry for the essay long answer to your long ask in response to a long answer in response to a long ask — it’s just very very fulfilling to know that people are noticing our choices and the reasons behind them when we make so many of them intentionally! thank you again and i’m soooo so so glad you enjoyed 10.2 🥳🥳🥳

[stagefoureddiediaz]

https://www.tumblr.com/stagefoureddiediaz/767049019213103104/httpsxcomcatsielllstatus1856720322319241728

We got a better look during the sneak peak today and if you play with the brightness you can see it sadly is not Eddie Chris during the 6.01 but Buck and Jee

https://x.com/eddieboykisser/status/1857114864055185622

Hey Nonnie.

We’re going to have to agree to disagree I’m afraid!

I’ve seen the better look and I remain confident that it is not a picture of buck and Jee! I’ve played around with the brightness etc myself and there is no way that is Buck for starters or Jee off to the side either - that is an adult not a child in the right side of the picture - the nose is far far to big and point yto be a child’s nose and Jee has an especially button nose that is fairly flat - not pointed.

I want to ask why if that is Buck and Jee, Buck would cut most of Jee out of frame and put what basically amounts to a picture of himself up on his fridge?? Buck is not narcissistic and none of the other pictures on the fridge are cropped in that way - which means that it is someone other than Buck - who is important to him.

This is tv so those pictures are selected by the set team for a reason - if that was a picture of buck and Jee there are a million screenshots they could’ve used from that buck Jee scene when he’s carrying her that wouldn’t have involved cutting her in half in that way.

My other issues with this being Buck and Jee are that if it was Jee then we should be able to see her black hair across the forehead of that person - we can’t see it - what we can see is the full large forehead - which is in proportion with the other person in the picture - so adult sized. We can also see an arm now at the bottom of the picture - it looks like the elbow and lower section of the upper arm in that corner if you ask me.

Secondly if that was indeed Buck - his birthmark should be visible - the section above his eyebrow is clearly lit l, even if the quality is low right now with the screen grabs we have, so we should by all accounts be able to see that section of his birthmark clearly.

Thirdly - the hairline is wrong for buck and the background doesn’t match the door that Buck is in front of in that scene with Jee.

We can see the white section above the main persons head carries on across the whole of the top of the picture and the black section is angled more or less in the same way as Bucks staircase is, even if it’s slightly obscured by the magnet clip.

The person half cut out by the is far more likely to be Buck because he wanted to display a picture of the other person not himself.

I might’ve got the scene wrong, it looks to me like it’s maybe from 6x13 - mixed feelings and the homework scene when they talk about bucks lightning math skills, but I remain pretty sure that that is Eddie.

You can see the green of the shirt he wears in that scene and the neckline of it is correct for the green Henley and you can also see the hairline is Eddie’s hairline not bucks - which has much more of a curve out before it goes down into his side burns. You can also see Eddie’s rosy cheek apple.

So yeah - sorry to disagree with you and get pedantic, but there’s no way that is a picture of Buck.

Also it being a picture of Eddie from mixed feelings makes narrative sense with the context of that scene. The fridge is divided into a section that Buck is sure about on the right hand side - the Hans, and Chris - while the left appears to be things he’s not sure about - that he is mixed up about - so Eddie and the concept of the Buckley Diaz family (not being sure if they are a family etc) not sure what the bottom blue coloured picture is off - it looks like a weird cat to me but until I can get a better look at it I’m not making judgements, but what I do know is that it’s blue and yellow and therefore playing into the blue and yellow queer narrative theming that I’ve spoken about at length in various metas.

We’ll have to wait for the episode to see if we can get better stills, and if I’m wrong I’m more than happy to hold my hands up and admit it - but for now I remain convinced it’s a picture of Eddie!

[go-to-two]

it’s insane to me how this woman went on and on about how they were going to close that part of hailey’s life and she would get closure and move on and now we see the episode and shock THERE’S NO FUCKING CLOSURE!!!!! bc i’m sorry papers being put on mail it’s not how upstead is going to end right… RIGHT?!? like i don’t know if you read the interview but like it’s the worst thing i have ever read in my entire life, she doesn’t get to say that shit about the couple SHE WROTE AND HELPED CREATE. i’m sorry about this, i just really need to say this and scream at someone

The closure thing is something I have a big issue with, too. Slapping a stamp on the envelope and dropping it in the mail basket without a second thought is so far from closure. Not hearing any conversations about how they got to this place isn't closure (because they can't make that make sense!). For them as a couple, it's baseless and just bad.

Individually, it'll never be good for Jay. Maybe they can get Hailey to a place where she is balanced again. I don't have faith they will and I think it'll be really pedantic storytelling, but they have the opportunity to give her some semblance of happiness. Jay has been royally screwed over. Since the moment he left, he has been treated like some faceless husband Hailey has and not a character we knew and invested in for a decade. Never hearing from him again and just assuming he's in Bolivia indefinitely is the farthest thing from closure I can think of for him, and he deserves it just as much as Hailey.

[thewingedwolf]

ok

idk if i’m just a hater but the jacobite gold storyline is so stupid to me. why are we wasting multiple seasons on jamie tracking down this fucking treasure just let it go bro you are wealthy enough!!!

[seriouslycalamitous]

Hiiii! First of all, I ‘d like to say that I ADORE your fic, so much so that I downloaded it for safekeeping! I’m a little confused about two things though: even though it’s not said explicitly, it is heavily hinted that Cleo is the God(des) of Death. But then again, when Grian asks for a blessing in Ren’s temple, Martyn says that << (Cleo’s) patron is not the best at keeping people alive>>. Why did Martyn say patron instead of domain or something similar? Was he being vague because of Grian? And also, later in the story, when Martyn explains Harbingers to Grian, he says that Harbingers are a big deal because <<Gods can only have one at a time>> but in the final chapter we understand that Harbingers are immortal. Do Martyn’s words mean that Harbingers can die in some way, and if they do, their god can choose another?

I’m sorry if I’m being too pedantic, I’m just really curious about the lore and worldbuilding! Feel free to not answer it if you don’t want to! Anyway, thank you for writing this amaizing fic! I’m very excited for the sequel!

Hi!!! I appreciate that you liked it enough to download it! That’s high praise!!

As for your questions, yes, the hints I dropped for Cleo were meant to bring you to that conclusion. In chapter 4, when this conversation between Martyn, Grian, Cleo, and Bdubs happens, it is the first time they’ve met! To say “domain” in front of a stranger instead of “patron” is a privacy choice.

Harbingers are functionally immortal alongside the gods’ power. So long as the god has enough power to support a Harbinger, they can exist. But a Harbinger deal can be broken at any time should one party wish it. They can have one at a time, and a lot of them stick with one person, but it’s not unheard of for them to switch.

Thanks for the questions!! I can’t wait to explore this universe more too!!