#sorry i saw the words sports medicine

[alraunee]

when i was in high school i sprained my ankle on one of those big inflatable trampolines (because having kids jump on a dome-shaped surface is a really good idea) and it swelled up so severely that even though nothing showed up on my x-rays the hospital staff still worried there might be a small hairline fracture, and they advised me to stay off it and use crutches for a week.

my second day of using crutches at school my social sciences teacher, who was primarily a gym teacher and sports team coach who i guess they just stuck with that class, got really weird about it. like during class in front of everyone he started telling me how i didnt need the crutches and should stop using them and when i told him the doctors wanted me to use them for a week he started saying that a sports doctor would have told an athlete to start walking on it immediately to get back on the field as fast as possible, and who did i trust more? he acted like i was an idiot for saying i wanted to listen to the doctors who had actually examined my injury, because anything they said was just part of an agenda to get more funding for the hospital or whatever. as opposed to a theoretical sports doctor, who of course would have had no agenda whatsoever.

[kaciebello]

Band-aids of death

Masterlist Luke Castellan x Hades! reader (implied, fem) Percy Jackson x Hades! reader (platonic) Summary: Percy meets the bandaid dealer who has his friend so smitten Warning: Absolutely non, teeth rotting stuff really, no use of y/n author note: English is not my first language so I am sorry for any mistakes beforehand. I read the books long ago and I'm currently in the process of re-reading them, so some lore might be wrong. Also using what I remember from the show! Proofread by me and me only :( word count: 1347

Percy has been at this camp stuff for a week now and he was just not loving it. From the overcrowded cabin 11 to Clarisse's relentless bugging, he just wanted to go home. This was his home now, yes, but that does not mean he can't yearn for better. And on top of all that, it seemed like he was good at absolutely nothing. If there was a competition at being bad at everything he would still somehow end up in second place.

Today was no better. Luke, Counselor of the Hermes cabin, has decided that maybe Percy could take on a sword fight. He couldn't. Not like he could go against the best swordsman in the last 300 years anyway.

After what felt like hours, Luke finally gave the boy a break and Percy finally felt like he could breathe. Only for a second that is, because his friend decided to take him to a new area of the camp.

Walking to a small building only lightly connected to the infirmary was rather ominous. While everywhere in the camp where people, this shack could be abandoned and he would not be surprised. His friend. However, walked faster than normally, seemingly excited to show him what's inside.

They stopped by the open door and Percy could finally see that it was not abandoned and the little two-story house was, indeed, occupied. Looking at his friend with suspicion, who now sports a wide grin on his face, Percy could not help but think there was more to it than Luke said.

Walking in, Luke chimes the bell that sits on the top of the door frame. The girl who, until now, was checking out the shelves of what seems to be medicine and chemicals turns around with a confused look. She wore the same ‘ camp uniform ‘ as everyone else, confirming to Percy that she was one of them as well. Although her shirt seemed to have switched color schemes and was black with an orange print of the camp name.

“ Hello Sweetheart, how's the inventory going?” Luke asks and pushes Percy slightly in front of him, not something he appreciates. The girl, unamused, does not answer his question. Instead, she answers him with her own.

“ What brings you here, Castellan? Last time I checked you did not need allergy medication.” Chuckle could be heard from his friend. Percy, not interested in their bickering, looks around the room. Small table by the door with a stack of paper, a black mysterious jar, and what Percy recognizes as an old land-line phone. One wall of the room was just a shelf with what he now knows for sure is medicine with a door at the end. By the window, there was an old medical bed, and next to it, stood, by Percy's standards, an unstable chair.

A hand on his shoulder snaps him out and he turns his head back to the girl. “ So what's wrong with you?” She asks and motions him to sit on what seems to be a more sturdy version of the same chair he just saw.

“ Other than that I suck at everything and my father not bothering to claim me? Nothing much really.” Laugher was heard from the two older campers. 

“ No, I meant like, why are you here guys? If you were training with Lu here, you might have some scratches.” She points to Luke, who seems to be proud just of the fact that she acknowledges him.  Before he can answer she continues,

“Although if you're seriously hurt, maybe you should visit the Apollo kids, I ain’t no nurse, really.”

“ No need for that, we just need some band-aids.” Luke proclaims and pats his chest where his heart is.

“ You have bandaids in your cabin, and I know for sure, I saw your siblings steal some. “ she snapped back softly at his friend.’ It's in their nature’ Luke says under his nose and takes a few steps to the girl putting his arm around her shoulders.

“ Sweetheart here is a terrible nurse-”

“Hey! I am an excellent necromancer!”

“Too bad that your patient is still alive, Sweets,” Luke argues back at the girl. She just shakes her head and walks behind her desk. Luke follows closely behind her like a magnet was pulling him over. Percy watches as she opens a drawer and pulls out the biggest box of band-aids he has ever seen.

“ What kind do you want, em…” She looks at him kinda awkwardly. 

“Percy.” “ Right, Percy, do you want Spiderman band-aid? It's a big hit with the younger campers.” She smiles and pulls out an impressive collection of Spiderman band-aids.

“ Ah, no, normal ones are fine.” I watch as a pout appears on her face as she puts them back and starts to look through the box as if looking for something. 

“I want the Spiderman one.” Chimes in Luke who is now leaning over this girl.

“ You can get the boring ones, Castellan, I don't care.” It was now Luke's turn to pout. “ What cabin are you from?”  Percy asks, wanting to learn some more about the girl that has his friend so smitten. Her eyes look up at him before going back to her box.

“ I don't have a cabin, I sleep on the second floor. There is a staircase in the back.” She says as it is the most normal thing ever. Which it was, just not in camp half-blood. That confuses Percy, from what he learned at the camp so far, everyone that has been claimed either has a cabin or just sleeps in Hermeses one. So that is exactly why he asks.

“ Why don't you sleep in Hermes cabin?” The girl straightens her posture, seeming in thought. His friend hugged her from behind around her shoulders. They remind him of an old married couple. 

“Well, there are cabins for the twelve Olympians. My dad has no throne on Olympus. He kinda does his own thing down under.”

“ Australia?”

“No Percy, the underworld.” She says though giggles and wiggles herself from the hug. She makes her way forward to Percy and stands in front of him carefully peeling parts of the band-aid. 

“ Your dad is Hades?” Hum leaves her as an answer. Focusing on placing the band-aid right above his eyebrow where he scratched himself earlier during training with Luke. When she's done, she turns to a black jar on her table and opens it. To Percy's surprise, she pulls out a lollipop and gives it to him.

“You're good to go fighter, Don't stay here longer than you need to!” She sings and ushers the boy out of the chair and to the door. Percy turns to his friend,

 “ Luke, are you not coming?” he asks waiting for him to answer. Luke gives him a look of fake thought, Percy knows it's fake because he, himself used it many times back at the academy. Luke shakes his head and smiles.

“No, I haven't been treated by my nurse yet.” The girl groans and snaps her head to the sky. Percy just shrugs and walks out of the building. As he opens his lollipop, he turns his head back to look at his friends.

He can see Luke being peppered with kisses on his face. When the girl moves he can see a band-aid with hearts that now decorates the scar on his face. Percy just chuckles and moves on, determined to find Grover or Annabeth to tell them what he witnessed. He failed to notice his bright blue bandaid with bubbles on it.

[rimunagenius]

And They Were Roomates

☙ pairing: Kate Martin x Roommate!reader

☙ word count: 2.5k words

☙ warnings: RPF!! use of y/n, not proof read.

☙ ri speaks: I need more kate martin content and i haven’t been fed the specific ones that i need so i must write them to the best of my horrendous abilities. Idek how good this will be…im sorry in advance LMFAO. also this is two thousand five hundred words but it looks a lot shorter….crying

this is also a general announcement that i will indeed be refreshing my blog, so that means new and updated master lists and posts are coming out soon so sorry if you get a spam of rimunagenius on your feed!!

Part 1

| Series Masterlist |

When you first started in Iowa, you never expected the immediate love you recieved from the people there. They were friendly, generous, and so much different from people in California. Especially your roommate, Kate Martin. You had met her shortly after your first day of Junior year. A while after, you two became roomates because you needed more space, and she needed someone to split rent with in her apartment. Sounded like a great deal to both of you.

"You don't mind?" You asked unsure. Not wanting to impose on her, possibly ruining plans with making a deal with her actual teammates.

"No! Not at all! I really like you and you're alot of fun! I'd love for you to move in with me." She beamed at you, giving you a side hug when she saw your expression change. You both were ecstatic.

Since then, you had been living with Kate for almost two years. You two had become inseparable. Always on campus together, meeting up between classes to get coffee or lunch together, sometimes with Caitlin and your other friends. It was great. You were happy with your home away from home.

You had transfered from UC Irvine and decided to pursue your degree and career in sports medicine here in Iowa City. You were one of the new athletic trainees and ocassionly a photographer; your previous major was in photography and Lisa and the administration had really loved your resume and work, so they hired you as a part time (barely) photographer, for whenever they wanted more shots than what they usually wanted or a fill in.

Currently, you were needed in the Carver stadium to help record a mic’d up practice session for the team. It was for the Iowa Hawkeye Youtube channel. You had experience because you too had a youtube channel that you started when you first transferred to Iowa. So you had told Lisa and the coaches that you’d be able to film it.

“Hey, Gabbie!” You smiled at her as you walked into the locker room, approaching Kate’s cubby to set your stuff down. Kate telling you this morning before she left that you could put your stuff with hers.

“Hey, girlie! So guess what?” You and Gabbie loved to gossip. It was so much fun and it started when you were redoing the tape on her ankles, and she looked down so you asked her about it, and since then, you both have told eachother whatever gossip you had.

“Oh my god, what?” You took your sweater out of your bag, the locker room being chilly, so you could imagine the court.

“So that boy Nick in my econ class, totally asked about you today. I didn’t want to crush his hopes and dreams but I did say you weren’t his type.” She took a seat next to where you were standing to put her shoes on.

“Wait, the boy I said would so be my type if he was a girl? That Nick?” You laughed because he was really nice and such a sweet guy but he just wasn’t a girl. Men are pretty but only to look at.

“Yes!”

“How’d he take it?” This guy has asked you out once before but you just said you weren’t looking to date. Probably should’ve elaborated on that one.

“But he asked me “Oh, who is? Does he go here?” And I was like,” she paused to reenact the face she made. “I said it too fast so I didn’t have time to say “Oh, It’s long distance or something” sooo I don’t know.” She rambled and just pulled her hair into a small ponytail.

“What do you mean? That made no sense, Gab.” You were confused. She looked guilty of something but you didn’t want to pressure her but you also really wanted to know what she had said about you to Nick.

“I kinda sorta said you had a girlfriend already, and he took that as ‘Oh, she’s dating her roommate Kate Martin’ because he said he supposedly sees you guys together everywhere.” She meant well. It really wasn’t her fault that Nick totally misread the situation.

“Oh shit.” Your jaw dropped. You thought it was awkward but now it went full fledged horrendous. You were already out, and anyone who followed your insta would’ve saw it in your stories, so you weren’t worried about that but you were worried for Kate.

“So what do we do about the fact that a random kid on campus thinks your dating Kate?”

“Ok wait, i’m actually scared. Like how do you think Kate will take it?” You were talking to Gabbie and immediately knew you fucked up by seeing the expression on her face.

“How will I take what?” Kate walked in, hair down, dressed in her practice uniform, and sat on the chair next to you. You hadn’t realized that you sat down with Gabbie. Lost in the conversation and frenzy of the new mess that could possibly affect yours and Kate’s social life dramatically.

“I’m just gonna…” Gabbie got up, and walked out, meeting the others outside on the court.

“Oh, okay. I’ll see you in a minute.” You said to the girl before turning to Kate. You had caught her up on the lore behind you and Nick, if you could even call this one sided infatuation lore. Now you just had to tell her the problem. “So Gabbie tried to tell him that I was already seeing some girl. But Nick jumped to this whole conclusion that me and you were together.”

You watched her face. Looking for any sort of negative reaction. Waiting for her to blow up on you. “Oh.”

“And when Gabbie tried to say it wasn’t you and that were just friends, and that my supposed girlfriend lives in California, he got up and left. So it may be possible that the whole Iowa college campus will assume we’re together.” You played with your fingers as you watched her some more. Still waiting for her explosion.

“I mean, I don’t mind. He sounded weird so if it keeps the guy away from you, i’m okay with being the ‘pretend’ girlfriend.” She shrugged her shoulders. Grabbing her shoes from behind you, your chair sitting right infront of the cubby that belonged to her:

“Kate. Are you sure? This is so random and so strange and I would totally get it if your uncomfortable.” You wanted it to be clear that this situation could go away if she was uncomfortable. If she was uncomfortable you’d go on a date with him and just tell him it won’t work after. It’d be bad for you if he goes around saying rude things but you couldn’t care less about people you don’t know. You just wanted to make sure Kate wasn’t the one feeling weird.

“Yeah, I mean—I don’t have to kiss you in public, right? I feel like that’s overstepping a boundary we have not thought about setting.”

“No, Kate. You do not have to kiss me in public. Wait so you’d kiss me in private?” You looked at the girl, now fully joking around as you wiggled your eyebrows and laughed.

“Oh yeah for sure.” Kate made a funny face while nodding her head before grabbing her water and standing up. You following behind to get this practice and video recording started.

“Oh, and your getting mic’d up today. I don’t know if Coach Lisa told you.” You say as you both walk onto the court.

You and Kate had showered, separately unfortunately, and sat on the couch. You had been trying to convince her the whole way home from practice to watch New Girl. She agreed after ten excruciating minutes of your nagging.

You were deciding to pick the snack you wanted, grabbing M&Ms you bought at the store yesterday, snickers, chips, and popcorn. You wanted to watch as many episodes as possible because you both started school late tomorrow and it was an off day for practice.

“What are these practices anyways? Are they like preseason workouts to get back in shape or?” You watched Kate as she picked her snacks.

“Yeah. Basically. We’re technically only allowed to goof off a little during those ones.” Kate laughed, referring to the mic’d up practice today. Coach Lisa usually wants a more focused and intimate space during the actual season. “Oh my. What if we just kill this whole tub of Neapolitan ice cream?” Kate took it out of the freezer and suddenly all your snack choices went back to the cabinets.

“Ou deal, Martin.” You grabbed two spoons before making your way to the couch. Grabbing the blanket off the backrest, and throwing it over you both. You both settled and got comfy ready to start the marathon of New Girl.

You were both sitting in silence after you decided to just do a highlight reel of episodes since you weren’t going to force Kate to watch multiple seasons. "Are you excited for this upcoming season? Your last season?" You asked as you looked to your right. Kate was seated next to you while you both decided to disregard bowls and just eat the ice cream straight from the tub. She held the tub as you both dug what you wanted out of it. She shoved more ice cream into her mouth and she smiled and nodded her head.

"I am. Just scared and sad." She said somewhat incoherently due to not having swallowed the mouthful of ice cream. You nodded your head. You had already adapted to the Kate language. When she talked while yawning, mouth full, her body language, and her facial expressions. Not many people were fluent like you, and you were actually proud to be one of the people. So you understood exactly what she meant. You saw everything else she was feeling just by the look in her eye and the shape of her lips.

But you also felt sad for her too. You’d both be a sixth-year, grad students, in a couple months. This year bigger for her more than you. This year being her last and final run in her collegiate career. This was huge. You both knew this but wanted to focus on the nicer aspects. You and the girls would support her and be her friend even if she decided to never touched a basketball again. You guys were for life.You didn’t play, so you felt there was nothing you thought you could say other than just being her friend.

"You'll be okay, sweetheart." You wrapped your arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. A small comforting hug, atleast a hug at which this position provided, and kissed the top of her head. You only used terms of endearment like this in small, comforting, intimate moments. You felt this was the right time. "I'll be here for you, and you have the girls. We’ll back you in whatever you do, outside of basketball and school. You can’t ever get rid of us if you tried. But I will give you all the support and all the ice cream you can eat right now." You smiled at the blonde. You both stared at eachother, a little too long, “We are not beating the supposed ‘girlfriend’ allegations right now, Martin.” She bursted out laughing. You not far behind.

"But seriously, thanks shortie." She said as she patted your knee, right before she lost it again and laughed out loud. You immediatey cringed at the name, and pushed her away from you.

"OH! my god! Immediately no, Kate." You laughed again, half embarassment and half amusement. "That is not funny. You sound like a frat boy." That earned another snort laugh from Kate.

"You're right. I'm sorry." You side-eyed her. Pulling the blanket a little closer to you. Scooting over the tiniest bit over to feign anger and hurt. Still managing to catch her movement through your peripheral.

"Bro, I'm not even that much shorter than you. Just short three inches." You rolled your eyes at your best friend, turning back to the episode where Jess and Nick kiss eachother for the first time. Your favorite episode.

"Yes, I know. I know how you feel about my short jokes. I almost cried when you ignored me for three and a half days." Kate chuckled as she looked to you her smile dropping, a frown forming when you still didn't acknowledge her. "Oh, come on, y/n. Don't ignore me again, please! I was kidding." She asked you while chuckling nervously, she asked you two more times, when that didn’t work she insisted on poking you for a two minutes straight.

"Okay, Kate. I forgive you. Now shush, my favorite part is coming up." You kept your eyes on the screen and tried to reach for your spoon in the tub. Your fingers reaching everywhere but your spoon. "Kate can you help me please?"

"Yes, but haven't you already seen this show like eight-billion times?" She grabbed a spoon, whichever one was closest, forgetting which one was which, and scooping a good spoonful, before bringing the spoon to your mouth. "Open." You opened your mouth and took the ice cream happily.

"Thank you, you big teddy bear. God's gift, I'm telling you." You said as you watched the best scene on sitcom TV about to unfold.

"Im just going to pretend you're talking about me and not your show." Kate whispered. "You're welcome, pretty." She said louder so you could hear.

That got your attention. It wasn’t something that you hadn’t heard come out of her mouth and directed to you before; she's called you pretty multiple times when you had asked if the outfit you were wearing out looked good or if the makeup you put on was good for this dinner a girl you were seeing on and off wanted to take you out to. But she's never once used it in this context. You got a nervous feeling in your stomach, something you recognized as butterflies for sure. Fighting the urge to smile at the compliment, a small blush creeping up on your cheeks. Fighting the thoughts you had about her.

It was something new but this one thing…this you weren't going to get used to. You guys were best friends and just roomates. You can't feel anyway about this.You decided to ignore it and take it as a compliment in the moment to make up for the short joke. It definitely wasn’t something serious as you were making.

"I was talking about both of you. The TV and you, Kit-Kate." You put your arm around her shoulder and continued to watch the show. Watching the scene you had been waiting for all night to play. “This was the best cinematic experience I have ever had.” You whispered, now reaching for the spoon again for some ice cream.

Kate beating you to it, already having got another spoonful for you, feeding it to you like she did a couple of seconds ago. You smiled and thanked her before you both decided to cut the show, and search for a movie of both your choosing this time.

[justabigassnerd]

Night Scare

Pairing - Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x daughter!reader

Word count - 1,275

Warnings - inaccurate medical scenes (I tried), worried Jake, fluff

Summary - a night time asthma attack turns a normal evening into a worry fest for Jake

A/N - wow... about two weeks later I'm finally posting a fic. I am so sorry for delays I've been struggling with writers block, it's still not fully gone but my guilt is catching up to me so I'm literally forcing myself to write. this was an anon request and I hope I did it justice. as per y'all please send in requests, feedback and enjoy!!!

Living with asthma is something you had just learned to deal with growing up. Always had to make sure your inhaler was on hand and learned to know when you could be on the verge of an asthma attack.

One evening, while your dad and Bradley were downstairs watching a sports match, you remained in your room, relaxing and scrolling through your phone. As you sit on your bed, scrolling through your phone, you began to cough occasionally but you shook it off, assuming it was just the ending of the cold you had just recovered from. Then your chest began to feel tight, like it was slowly being squeezed. You instinctively grabbed the inhaler that sat on your bedside table and took a puff of the medicine, settling back against the pillows and waiting for the medicine to do its job. After half an hour, you realise the inhaler isn’t working so you take another puff of the medicine and fight back a coughing fit that suddenly attacks you, taking your breath away from you as you struggle to recover it. Not wanting to risk losing your footing in your panic to get downstairs and risk hurting yourself, you open your phone and find your dad’s number, opening your messages and typing out a text.

Jake raised an eyebrow when he felt his phone buzz and saw your name above the text. He debated calling up to you but something in his gut was screaming at him to open the text, so he did.

‘I think I’m having an asthma attack’

“Call 9-1-1.” Jake says, leaping to his feet and heading for the stairs, leaving Bradley confused in the living room.

“What?!” Bradley calls up to Jake just as he disappears up the stairs.

“Call 9-1-1, y/n is having an asthma attack and I’m not taking any risks.” Jake calls down to Bradley who immediately pulls his phone out of his pocket and dials 9-1-1 while Jake bursts into your room to find you sat bolt upright and struggling to breathe. He could tell you were trying to keep calm so you could control your breaths a little better, but he could see the panic in your eyes.

“I’m here, sweetheart. Take another puff of your inhaler for me, okay? Rooster’s calling the ambulance now they’ll get here as quick as they can.” Jake says, sitting next to you on the bed and taking the small inhaler from your hands and holding it to your mouth so you could take a puff, he kept a close eye on you, seeing how you were doing.

Before too long, you heard the front door opening and Bradley talking downstairs before you heard footsteps heading up the stairs and you see two paramedics enter the room, equipment in hand as they approached.

“We’re going to need you to step back, sir.” One of the paramedics says, making Jake press a kiss to the top of your head and whisper reassuringly before he gets up from the bed, allowing the paramedics to assess you. The paramedics ask Jake for your name and what medication you are on which he gives, grabbing the medical information card he had and handing it to the paramedic, so they knew everything they needed to in order to help you. The paramedics help you downstairs to where a stretcher was waiting after assessing and concluding that you need to go to the ER for some medicine and observation. Jake is given permission to ride in the ambulance with you and just as he goes to follow you, Bradley stops him.

“I’m going to head home and get out of your hair. Keep me updated and I’ll come by when I can.” Bradley says and Jake nods, clapping Bradley on the shoulder.

“Thanks for calling the ambulance. I’ll see you around.” Jake says as the two walk out of the house, closing the door behind them. Bradley nods in acknowledgement before crossing to his Bronco while Jake gets in the back of the ambulance with you as the paramedic did what he needed to do. You were given an oxygen tube and some medicine, and your attack was seeming to wane thanks to it.

When the ambulance pulled up outside the hospital, the paramedics eased the stretcher out and wheeled you into the ER and one of the paramedics and Jake eased you onto a bed while the other paramedic filled in the nurse on what had happened. When you’re settled on the bed, the paramedics head back out to their ambulance while the nurse comes to your bedside.

“Hi, y/n. I’ve been informed that you’ve received some treatment and oxygen on the way over here and you seem to be doing better but we just want to keep you in for a few hours just in case you have another attack, okay?” The nurse says cheerfully as she inputs some final things on the tablet in her hand. You nod at her words as does your dad and the nurse then excuses herself to continue her rounds.

“You feeling okay?” Jake asks softly as he watches you.

“Feeling a lot better than I was earlier.” You say with a smile, making Jake smile gently and finally let himself relax.

“It was a little scary though.” You admit, looking away from your dad who softens at your words, reaching out and taking your hand gently in his own.

“I bet it was sweetheart. I thought it was scary just from my perspective I can’t imagine what it was like for you.” Jake says, watching you carefully as you shift your gaze to look back at him briefly.

“The important thing is you’re okay now. We’ll stay here for as long as the nurses want us to and then we’ll head home, and you can get some sleep and you can rest as much as you want tomorrow as well. We’ll take it easy.” Jake says reassuringly, giving your hand a small squeeze as well.

After almost three hours of lying on the hospital bed with constant check-ups, the nurses allow you to go home for the rest of the night, confident that you won’t have any more attacks for the night. They urge Jake to book you a doctor’s appointment as soon as possible to check how everything is going with your lungs and then you are cleared to go. As you exit the hospital, Jake is checking on the status of the Uber he booked and before too long it pulls up and the two of you get in the back seats and begin the journey home. By the time you get home, you’re just about ready to collapse into your bed. You immediately head up to your room and get into your pyjamas, quickly burying yourself under your duvet and curling up. It didn’t take your dad long to knock on the door and enter with your permission. He crossed to your bed and bent over to kiss the top of your head.

“Sleep well, sweetheart. If you need me, I’m just next door.” He whispers as you nod, eyes slipping shut instantly and Jake lets out a soft chuckle, pulling the duvet over you a bit more and leaving the room, turning the light off as he goes.

Jake returns to his own room, getting in his bed and lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He had just been through a scare that may taunt him for a while, but he knew you were just next door sleeping peacefully and he’d look after you as best he can.

[biscuitbox23]

Dead weight.

summary: you run into the woods to get away from the group, you were reaching the end of your life as you suffer from aplastic anemia, only to get stopped by Rick.

A/n: I’m not a medical expert, i have no familiarity with the field of medicine I am just an idiot who is a sucker for terribly made sad stories. This may be a very long opening to the actual climax so im sorry for that :( please do DM me for advice on how i can make my fanfictions better!

Warnings: inaccurate depictions of the illness, non-established relationship (rick and reader), mentions of death, angst, cursing. (Not much due to me being a minor.) somewhat bad grammar since English isn’t my second language.

words: 1.3K

It has been a while, well, a while since you had a good stock of medicine. You had been in an abandoned cabin a few months after the outbreak. During it, you got stuck in a pharmacy in Atlanta. The law was gone now, so you hoarded a ton of antibiotics, capsules, injections, and anything you could get your grubby hands on.

When Rick and Daryl saved you from a trio of men who were trying to take advantage of you, you joined them and did not stay inside forever, especially when blood stained the floors of your shelter. It was a mistake.

You wanted to stay with yourself, isolated from the horrors and sacrifices that the world has offered now. It was harder to find medication now that most stores were stripped clean. It was easier for you to catch minor fevers, and you tended to have more rest than the others in the group. The only reason you were there is because you knew how to survive.

In the woods, in the apocalypse, no problem. Whatever your dad knew your dad would teach you, he was an outdoor person and loved to forage different shrooms and plants. God knows what happened to him.

You grew closer to the group, helping them find food and clean water, scavenging what you can find in abandoned retail stores (even if it does not have much importance.)

Now you find yourself walking out of Alexandria by attempting to climb the steel borders to the outside of the wall, your head spinning as drowsiness has consumed you to your very core, yet you still have the urge to continue. Or else you are just dead weight. You had a few foot slips —you swear, Enid makes it look easy— but managed to get out. You can sense your muscles aching as if you did not even have the strength to pull yourself up despite climbing trees more than a million times when you were a teen. You needed to disappear 

from the people, the group. Rick.

Rick was a leader, for sure. He had all the correct morals and cunningness and looked up to him for it. You were no longer the person of any use to him and his group. You could not even defend yourself without stumbling down to the ground.

You were around when T-dog and Lori passed away. You 

remembered falling for Rick when you first saw him, only to discover he had a pregnant wife and a kid. It started like a rocky road. You were so used to the isolation that it took a lot of convincing to get you to come with them to the prison.

You took a liking to his daughter Judith. You loved babies. It was a surprise. You thought that you would never find a baby in this world again. Carl was the closest to you. You tell him stories about your life and would do the same, reminiscing about the world that used to be. He praised his father a lot and got a good idea of what Rick was like as a father. Hershel would check up on your health while Rick would stand beside the old sport as Hershel examines you.

Making your way into the woods, you stopped by a tree to take a breather. Your hands were on your knees as you stared down to the ground, crinkles of the leaves crushing on the bottom of your shoes. The night was cold and airy. The chill on the tip of your nose was evident as you took one more glance at the haven that shielded the real outside world from its inhabitants. The sour stench of rotting meat was not detectable and gave some fresh air — It is not like you cannot get fresh air in Alexandria. You want to be alone most of the time.

“thought I'd find you here." A voice called out, the voice echoing in your ears sounding familiar as the crunching of leaves has gotten closer and closer.

“fuck” you curse under your breath, “how did you find me?”

“Carl saw you tryin’ to climb the walls.”

“huh,” you playfully scoffed but was met with a chill and a cough, “thought I was being sneaky…”

“what're you doin’ out here?” Rick asks out of the blue, staring you up and down as you lean back into the tree.

“Rick," you sighed heavily, “go back.”

“I'm not goin’ back till you tell me what happened, y‘know that, don’t you?” Rick asked with a twinge of concern mixed with his southern drawl.

You paused.

“I'm leaving, Alexandria,” You rubbed your forehead as your stomach grumbled. Sliding down to sit as your back leaned onto the tree further.

“If this is about your illness we can make—“Before Rick could finish his sentence you interrupted.

“Make it work? Yeah, I don’t think so…” You retorted, “You don’t understand, Rick. I have a condition where my bone marrow doesn't produce enough blood cells, and I have no meds to help me, what are the chances of finding a pharmacy? A pharmacy where it has all the things I need to survive?” You spat, frustration filling your mind like hot liquid.

“Denise can help you, Y/n, you have seen her efforts in helping you,” You can sense Rick’s desperation to get you back to Alexandria’s infirmary. His voice remained gentle but firm.

“Why, Rick?” Your eyes stared into Rick's ocean blue orbs, frustration, and confusion, “I’m not strong, anymore. I can’t go on runs, anymore. I can’t protect anyone.”

“Because we still need you—“

“Maybe it’s you who still needs me, Rick…” You spat, leaning your head on the wood as you got the strength to finally stand up, with the support of the tree, of course.

“Y/n we can discuss this once we get back,” Rick sighed, coming closer to you as he held both your arms gently.

A rush of adrenaline painfully scours into your veins as you push him away with all the remaining strength you have.

“GODDAMNIT RICK, WHY CANT YOU JUST LET ME DIE OUT THERE!” You yelled at him. “YOU KNEW I WAS GOING TO BE A BURDEN AND YOU SAW HOW MANY PILLS I HAD ON THE TABLE!”

Rick scoffed, “You're giving up now? After all that has happened? The prison, terminus… and you decide to end it all here? Where we’re finally safe?” His tone wasn’t as gentle but it was now harsher, deeper.

“if you think more treatments, will change anything, it won’t. I'm done and I won't let you guilt me into continuing this charade.”

“then what’re you gon’ tell Carl, hm? That you’re sick of bein’ alive so now you’re gonna leave?”

“This isn’t about Carl, Rick it’s about you keeping me to fill in the gap of what Lori gave you,” you glare with poison in your very eyes. “Leaving you to care for a child that was never yours.”

Rick went quiet, as you realized what you had said, “i-I’m sorry… Rick…” you pleaded, holding his hands.

Rick sighed, “Maybe you're right."

You nodded, your breath becoming shorter as your legs finally give in. You feel your body starting to shut down. Rick helped you sit down comfortably on the ground. You were paler and had many bruises on your arms and legs. You were heating up again.

“I'm sorry, Rick,” you breathed heavily, clutching the hand he gave you.

“It’s okay, Y/n,” Rick comforted you, kissing her knuckles as her legs trembled. Rick’s voice was shaky, almost labored.

“I don’t wanna turn, you can ask Daryl to keep my gun, you’ll need it,” You softly chuckled. Rick looked at you, taking his revolver from his holster.

“Get back to Alexandria, to Judith…” you smiled as you felt bile in your throat, blocking your airway and your heartbeat becoming more abnormal.

Rick gives you a final kiss on the head as an act of kindness and comfort on the edge of a quick and painless death.

—————————————————————

a/n: Hello everyone! This is my very first Fanfic and I thought about it on the spot 😭 Reading it for me makes me kinda cringe but don’t we all? Anyways hope you guys enjoyed it (cuz I didn’t but I’m a sucker for tragic love)

[fleshymunson]

Smashing Pumpkins

eddie munson x afab!fem!reader

Summary: Eddie enjoys scaring you, and you decide to give him a taste of his own medicine. He comes home to find you sporting an unexpected accessory.    Story Warnings: 18+ for adult themes, swearing, smut, oral (f receiving), p in v, unprotected sex, The Smashing Pumpkins slander Word Count: 2.5k Note: This is my first ever Kinktober contribution. Hope you enjoy!

Your quest for delicious payback begins with something innocuous: a movie night.

Eddie had secured a VHS of Pumpkinhead to celebrate the Halloween season, and he was buzzing with excitement to share one of his favorite horror films with you. Try as you might to be brave, you can’t hide your involuntary flinches as the movie’s demon wreaks havoc on the town.

Eddie wraps his arm behind you on the couch and croons, “Aww, is my girl afraid?”

You huff with fake bravado, “No! I wasn’t expecting- I was just surprised. I’m not afraid.” You stumble over your excuse, and Eddie sees right through your bluff.

“It’s okay, baby,” he placates while rubbing your shoulder. “I’ll protect you from that rotten monster.” His eyes return to the screen as he fights back his grin at seeing you so flustered.  

You should have known your boyfriend well enough to realize that wouldn’t be the end of his teasing. Throughout the week, Eddie calls you his little pumpkin and takes great delight in imitating a particularly embarrassing shriek you made during the movie. The real clincher is when Eddie suggests a date at Merrill’s Pumpkin Patch the following week.

Your first stop is the corn maze. The tall cornstalks appear vast, surrounding you as you navigate the labyrinth together. A fork in the maze makes you pause, and you turn to ask Eddie which direction to take. However, you find yourself alone. “Eddie?” you call out to no avail, and your anxiety begins gnawing at you. Where did he go? He was just here a second ago. The sound of rustling behind you catches your attention, and you whirl around just in time to see a figure bursting through the stalks with a pumpkin held up to his head.

"Boo!" he bellows, causing you to rear back with a scream. The person lowers the pumpkin to the ground, and your boyfriend’s snickering face is revealed. He takes in your shocked expression with your hand pressed to your chest in a futile attempt to calm your erratic heartbeat. Eddie at least has the good sense to look ashamed. “I’m sorry, baby. I couldn’t resist. You’re so fun to mess with,” he says with a kiss to your forehead.

You’re so fun to mess with. His assessment rings out in your head, and at that moment, you vow to make him eat those words.

The date resumes with Eddie none the wiser about your scheming. You each select a pumpkin and make plans to create jack o’lanterns together after Eddie’s shift at Thatcher Tire. 

What you don’t tell Eddie is that you’ll be getting a little head start on carving your pumpkin…

Later that evening, Eddie returns from work and immediately senses that something is amiss. The living room is dark, save for the soft glow of candles casting eerie shadows across the walls. The space feels cold, devoid of the warmth your presence normally brings him. He hangs his jacket and announces his arrival: “Babe, I’m home!” 

He’s met with a ghostly silence. 

“Babe?” he asks, voice laced with unease.

Concern begins to simmer in Eddie’s stomach when again he receives no response. He saw your car parked when he arrived home. You should be here. His footsteps echo in the quiet space as he cautiously makes his way farther inside, the anticipation of what might await him building with every step. He rounds the corner heading towards your shared bedroom, and he stops in his tracks when he sees the ominous figure looming by the bed.  

“Shit!” he curses, stepping back viscerally. The sight before him startles him, and it takes a moment to decipher what he’s looking at. His eyes are first drawn to the pumpkin resting upon the person’s shoulders with its menacing grin and hollow eyes staring right at him, almost daring him to approach. His gaze travels downward, and he notes the body donning a silk robe. He recognizes that silhouette – he’d recognize it anywhere. You. “Fucking hell, sweetheart. You trying to kill me?”

You hesitate for a moment and consider whether your plan is too much. You remind yourself that Eddie’s playful nature is one of the things you love most about him. His roguish antics often encourage you to lean into your own impishness, and you must trust that he won’t find this too weird.

So, you don’t respond to his question. Instead, you open your robe to reveal the lingerie hiding beneath the silk. Your body is clad in black lace with a garter belt and stockings accentuating your legs. The stark contrast of seeing your body beautifully on display while a terrifying pumpkin’s face glares at him bewilders Eddie. For a moment, his mind teeters between attraction and fear.

Eddie has always heard there were two types of fear responses. Fight or flight. He’d like to add his own entry - fuck.

He visibly gulps, overcome with desire as his eyes devour you. “You are trying to kill me.” He reaches a shaky hand out to stroke your skin, but you step just out of reach.

You tut, “You’ve been teasing me all week. Do you really think you deserve to touch me?” The change in his demeanor is immediate. His shock morphs into a wolfish grin, and he plays his assigned role perfectly. “My sweet girl wants me to beg, is that right?” He approaches you and drops to his knees slowly, all while meeting your eye through the pumpkin carvings.

He exhales softly, “Please let me touch you.” His hand reaches out tentatively, aching to stroke your hip, but he pauses mid-reach. You give the slightest nod of approval, careful not to upend the pumpkin balanced precariously on your shoulders. His fingertips trace feather-light patterns against your skin. “Let me show you just how sorry I am. Let me worship this body like you deserve.”

His thumb strokes against the edge of your panties, until it trails lower towards the tops of your stockings. He looks up at you as he plays with the garter’s clasps before whispering, “I want these thighs wrapped around my head as I devour this pretty pussy. Will you let me?” 

Eddie is keenly attuned to your body signals, and he observes the way it shivers at his words. He unclasps the garter belt’s suspenders and lowers your stocking tantalizingly slow while leaving a trail of kisses down your leg. He repeats the process on the other side, and you grow wet with anticipation.  “So fucking pretty for me,” he praises.

Your resolve crumbles when he looks up at you through his thick lashes. You want to be strong and hold out for longer just to extend his torture a bit, but those umber eyes are impossible to deny. Eddie can sense your will dissolving and moves in for the kill. He nuzzles his nose into the front of your panties and inhales deeply. “Let me show you that I deserve to fuck this cunt.”

Your nipples harden, straining against the lace of your bra as you whisper, "Prove it." The command lacks bite, but you’ll both continue playing along. Eddie rises to his feet and kisses your shoulder as he lowers the straps of your bra. He unhooks the band, letting it fall to the floor.

You stand before him naked, and the cool October air pebbles your skin. “Perfect,” he breathes. He gently ushers you towards the bed, and you reach up to remove the pumpkin. Eddie gently grabs your wrist to halt your movement. “The pumpkin stays on.”

You laugh in disbelief. “Eddie, I can barely see with this thing on.”

He strokes his thumb against your wrist before joking, “I know, but that jagged mouth is really doing it for me right now. Plus, it adds to the excitement.” You both laugh as Eddie assists you in laying back due to the weight of the pumpkin threatening to topple you. “Careful,” he soothes as you make yourself comfortable.

In this position, you won’t be able to look at Eddie without straining your neck; all you can see is the pale shadow of your ceiling through the pumpkin’s crude eyeholes. You hear him removing his clothes before joining you on the bed, and you lament that you can’t see his body just yet. But then, he caresses your thigh, and you realize that Eddie is correct. The obstructed view is reminiscent of a blindfold, and your sense of touch is heightened. 

Eddie hooks his fingers into the waistband of your underwear to remove them. “Oh sweetheart, look how wet you are for me already,” he coos, seeing your pussy bare before him.

His calloused hands gently coax your thighs further apart, and he nestles himself between them. You sigh as Eddie presses hot, open-mouthed kisses on your lower stomach. He crawls down your body, taking his time to suck and bite at your inner thighs. His kisses grow sloppier with urgency as he nears your core. He moves lower and lower until he’s whispering against your mound. “I want to make you feel so good.”

Your body trembles eagerly waiting for Eddie to give you what you so desperately crave. You gasp as he licks a long stripe up your slit and his tongue explores your folds. Mercifully, Eddie doesn’t tease you for very long. Your needy moans reverberate against the inside of the pumpkin as Eddie wraps his lips around your throbbing bundle of nerves.

“Eddie, please,” you whimper. It’s not lost on you that the tables have turned and you’re now the one begging, “Just like that.” His fleshy mouth vibrates with moans around your clit as you praise him.

You whine as he pulls away briefly to whisper, “You taste so good. So fucking good.” You blindly reach down to grab at his curls, urging him to return to pleasuring your clit. His fingers circle your hole, and he eases two of them into you. The cool sensation of his rings shocks you as he buries his fingers to the hilt, pumping them into you in tandem with his sucking. “More, I need more,” you pant out. You squirm as your pleasure grows, and Eddie takes this as his cue to curl his fingers inside you.

You’re suddenly aware of the mattress shaking, and you muster your strength to lift your head in search of the source. The view is well worth bearing the weight of the pumpkin. Eddie is humping against the bed in a desperate attempt to bring himself some relief. You moan at the sight, “You feel so good, Eddie.”

He increases his efforts, swirling his tongue with more intensity than before. The edge of the pumpkin digs into your neck as you arch your back, overcome with passion. “Cum for me, baby. Cum all over my face,” he urges. His name echoes within the pumpkin’s walls as you climax.  

Your senses return to you as you float down from your high, and you become aware that Eddie is still grinding against the mattress. “Have I earned this cunt yet?” he whines.

“Yes, fuck yes. Want your cock so badly.” Your affirmation has Eddie rushing to action, but you stop him by sitting up. “I want to see you fucking me. Either this goes,” You point to the pumpkin, “or we find another way to work this. I need to see your face when you cum.”

You watch through the pumpkin’s crudely carved eyes as Eddie’s expression turns sly. “Is that so?” he asks coyly. He takes your hand and leads you to the dresser and mirror across the room. Your reflection reveals just how ludicrous you look in nothing but a pumpkin head. You giggle at both the sight and Eddie’s fingers gliding down your side, tickling you in their wake. A gasp interrupts your laughter as Eddie’s fingers begin rubbing your sensitive clit while he stares at you through the mirror. “I think this will do just nicely,” he decides.

He bends you over the dresser, and you yelp as his palm connects with your ass. His rings sting your skin, and he revels in the way your cheek bounces. “Naughty little girl, carving your pumpkin without me. We were supposed to do that together,” he mocks. “I guess I’ll just have to recreate my favorite part of making a jack o’lantern. Gonna get into this pretty little hole and rearrange these guts.”

Eddie eases his length into you, and you watch through the mirror as his head falls back with pleasure. The tendons of his neck are gloriously on display, and you wish you could rip the pumpkin off to sink your teeth into his neck. The girth of Eddie’s cock stretches you deliciously, and you meet his thrusts eagerly while mewling.

He sets a punishing pace, and the momentum of his thrusts pushes you pumpkin-first into the mirror. “Shit, babe, are you okay?” he pauses his movements to check on you, but he’s met with your laughter.

“I thought you said you hated that Smashing Pumpkins album. And here you are trying to be just like them.”

Eddie rolls his eyes in response, which makes you laugh even harder. He groans, “I can feel you clenching every time you laugh. You’re squeezing my cock so fucking good.” He returns to fucking you in earnest, and the filthy sound of your skin slapping together fills the air.

You can feel the inkling of another orgasm approaching, and you know Eddie isn’t far behind. “Come on, pumpkin. I want one more from you,” he urges. You whine at his command, already so sensitive from your first orgasm. You reach down and roughly circle your clit with your fingers. That stimulation paired with Eddie’s thrusts push you over the edge for a second time, and you nearly collapse on the dresser. Eddie’s pace becomes sloppy as he chases his orgasm.

“On your knees,” he instructs brusquely. His words surprise and electrify you as you realize what he’s about to do. The sordid image your mind conjures up is enough to make you throb with need, even after you’ve just cum. You’re quick to lower yourself on shaky legs, the carpet coarse on your knees. Eddie pumps himself over you and cums with a guttural moan. Despite sporting a pumpkin on your head, you open your mouth and lay out your tongue instinctively. You’re rewarded as Eddie’s cum drips through the carvings into your awaiting mouth. The salty release coats your tongue, and you swallow every droplet you can catch.  

You chastise him coyly, “Eddie, you’re supposed to remove the seeds from a jack o’lantern, not add more.” Laughter brightens his face, and he helps you finally remove the pumpkin.

“Please scare me like this more often,” Eddie says breathlessly. He leans in to lick the corner of your mouth where his cum has dripped onto your face. His lips press to yours in a searing kiss to share the taste of him on his tongue.  

“You’re so fun to mess with,” you echo those fateful words back to him. 

Later, Eddie proudly displays the pumpkin on your porch. It's a grisly sight with its dent from where you crashed into the mirror. And while your neighbors can't tell, you know that it's been covered in his cum. You try to insist on creating a more attractive pumpkin, but Eddie hushes you with a kiss. “It’s gourdgeous. Our very own little jack off lantern.”

[clarepreed]

Death Diving

Story Content and Summary - 5,821 words. Off-duty lifeguard Charlotte tries Norwegian death diving at a snowy national park. Drowning, arrhythmia, hypothermia, on-site resuscitation. 🏳️‍🌈

--

“How high is this?” Charlotte asked, peering down at the water. She was slowly unsnapping her coat. “Looks like the high dive.”

“Not sure.” Their friend Larkin stood next to her, peering down at the dark blue-green water. “Looks cold as fuck.”

“It’s beautiful, though,” Charlotte said.

“It’s giving award-winning nature documentary,” Larkin agreed.

“Is this a good idea, Charlotte?” Henry waited off to the side, hands on his hips. “It looks pretty far, and you said you’ve only tried this twice at the pool over the summer.”

“Yeah, Viola didn’t like us doing it. She said it encouraged the children to try it.” Charlotte shrugged and unzipped her coat. “She was right, so I didn’t argue with her. The lifeguards can’t be encouraging reckless behavior.”

“This is a legitimate sport in Norway,” Larkin reminded them. “Maybe you could get certified or something.”

“CPR, AED, sports medicine and death diving!” Charlotte laughed and shrugged out of her coat. Then she brushed the snow off the top of a nearby boulder before laying her coat there. She bent to untie her bootlaces.

“I haven’t seen ‘death diving’ in the university course catalog.” Henry walked over to Charlotte. Her nose and cheeks were pink with cold. “If you say this is fine, I trust you. You wanted me on that big ass rock near the bottom?”

Charlotte kicked off her boots and sat them by the boulder, stuffing her socks inside as she shivered. “Ugh, so cold! Yeah, back down the stairs and to that boulder we passed. Are you good to film from there? Larkin’s filming from up here.”

“The things I do for you,” Henry said, watching as she peeled her shirts over her head at once and cast the layers off on top of her coat. She had a purple sports bra on underneath. Her skin was already breaking out in goosebumps. He reached out and grasped her by the waist, pulling her close. “Be careful, okay? You can bail if it comes down to it. We won’t think any less of you.”

“He’s right,” Larkin said. They had their phone out and were snapping pictures of the drop. “We are mature enough to not fuck with you for not doing something we’re too scared to do ourselves.”

Charlotte tipped her head up to kiss him and he took advantage, slipping a hand into her loose, dark hair as he kissed her soft mouth. They’d been inseparable since first year English and had plans to move in together after graduation. Henry saw them married with kids some day. He let the kiss linger, his hands running up the cooling skin of her back. 

Charlotte shivered and broke the kiss. “Mmm. Sorry, but I’m about to freeze! Larkin, after the jump, you’ll bring my clothes down?”

“I’ve got you, Charlie.”

“Alright, I’ll climb down.” Henry kissed her forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Charlotte reached for the waistband of her pants. “God, it’s cold up here!”

“You’re the G.O.A.T., Charlie!” Larkin called out 

“Polar bear club death diving,” Henry muttered to himself, shaking his head as he headed down the wooden steps. The breeze was brisk, with flurries floating by his face, but the view was gorgeous. Gray rock, dark evergreens, blankets of snow, and that dazzling water. Henry made it nearly to the bottom before he spotted a good spot to hop the handrail and climb out on the boulder Charlotte had identified. 

Henry peeled off his gloves and crouched in the center of the rock. He took his phone out, looking up the rock face to the edge of the cliff. Charlotte was waiting there, having stripped completely naked. Even at that distance, he could see her strong body, thick thighs and snatched waist hewn from swimming and weight lifting. She raked her hand through her blowing hair and then waved at him.

Henry got the video ready on his phone and waved back.

Larkin shouted: “READY!”

He tapped the button and confirmed his phone was recording. “READY!”

“GO IN THREE—”

Charlotte took three steps back.

“—TWO, ONE!”

She ran toward the edge and, without hesitation, threw herself off the cliff. She looked like a superhero in flight at first, with her arms extended almost casually and one of her legs bent. Henry tried to follow her body as it plummeted, saw her arms pinwheel, but she was moving too fast for him to make out other details. What he did see was how hard she hit the water, more of a belly flop than the inverted vee shape she’d shown him on YouTube.

Henry cheered for her anyway, standing and pointing the phone toward the white ripples representing the spot where she’d gone in. He expected her to come up sputtering but happy, at which point they’d bundle her up and walk her back to the fire.

Henry waited, surprised when it took longer than he expected for her to come to the surface. Just as he felt nervous, he saw her come up. Instead of popping up like an excited cork, she floated to the surface, hair spreading out across the water and her limbs limp. She bobbed face down, pale and naked.

“Charlotte?” Henry shoved his phone in his pocket without remembering to stop the footage. “Charlie?! Charlotte!”

He heard Larkin shout something, and then Henry jerked into action, unzipping his coat and tearing it off. He made himself take the time to remove his boots, cursing as he struggled to get them off and painfully aware of time passing as she floated face down in the pool. “CHARLOTTE! FUCK!”

He ripped his pullover off, too, then dove clumsily into the water in his pants and long-sleeved shirt. Henry hit the icy water with a splash and gasped a shocked breath at the wrong time, filling his sinuses. He coughed and spat out the cold water, trying to make his limbs move and feeling his heart palpitate in his chest. Henry dog paddled over to Charlotte, then grasped her hair and her hip, his fingers already numb with cold as he fumbled with her body.

Henry forced himself to kick his sluggish legs as he turned her over, floating her on her back. What he saw frightened him; Charlotte was ghost pale and staring up at the sky with a strange and empty expression on her face. He was pretty certain she wasn’t breathing.

“Ch-Charlotte!” Henry wracked his brain for anything he’d ever heard from Charlotte about water rescue. “Charlotte!”

If you can do it without drowning, you give the victim five breaths in the water. I did that once, and the guy woke up sputtering!

Henry moved his left hand under her neck and used his right to push her wet hair out of her face. He pinched her nose with his right hand and then hunched over her. He was breathing hard, from cold and exertion and fear, but he sucked in a deep breath and covered her white lips with his. His exhale rounded out her cheeks, and he darted his eyes toward her ashen chest to see if it rose. It was hard to tell between the gentle rocking motion of the water and Henry’s kicks beneath the surface. He’d have to get them both out soon; he was having a hard time keeping himself afloat, and every time the wind cut across the top of the pool he shuddered.

Henry let her exhale and gave her another breath, taking less time between subsequent breaths. He thought her chest was rising, though he found there was some resistance. Not that he knew what this was supposed to feel like. He just knew that she was scaring him; she felt and looked like a cold, dead thing, with her lips slack and her eyes lifeless and far away.

The fifth breath didn’t miraculously revive her, and Henry broke the kiss of life with a gasp. “C-come on, babe… Get you out…”

Henry awkwardly wrapped his arm around her chest and leaned her head against his shoulder, then started one-arm swimming for the shore. Larkin was on the shore, taking off their coat and boots before wading into the pool and meeting Henry just as his icy feet caught up against the bottom. Together, they towed Charlotte to shore.

“Lay her on my coat!” Larkin shouted. “And then we can put hers on top!”

“She’s not b-breathing!”

“My phone’s just over there and I’ve already got 911 on the line. I’ll tell them!” 

Henry could barely feel his feet as they dragged Charlotte’s limp body out and on top of Larkin’s coat, spread out in the snow. Charlotte’s head hung backward as they maneuvered her, wet hair swinging. Henry all but collapsed beside her as Larkin draped her coat over her like a blanket, then ran over to their cell phone left on a nearby rock.

“Charlotte…” Henry reached for her, hoping she would wake up now that she was out of the water. The vision she presented dashed that hope immediately.

Charlotte looked like a corpse, pale with cold, completely still, eyes partially open and her lips turning purple. Henry, stiff with cold, pressed his fingers into her neck, trying to feel for a pulse. When he touched her, her head tipped to the side and water dribbled from the side of her mouth.

“I CAN’T TELL!” Henry shouted, turning her face up toward him and then pressing his fingers hard into her throat again. “SHIT! LARKIN! Oh no, NO, I don’t think she has a pulse!”

“Hey!” Larkin dropped to their knees at Charlotte’s other side, laying their phone down on the coat beneath her. “The operator says you have to do CPR! An ambulance is coming, and a park ranger, but—”

“Okay!” Henry forced himself up onto his knees and leaned over Charlotte, his hands shaking from cold and anxiety as he struggled to recall what exactly he was supposed to do.

“I can do the breaths. He says we need to do those since she drowned!” Larkin was shivering, too, but they sat the phone down by Charlotte’s head and tapped the speaker button. “We’re ready!”

“You need to tip her head back to open her airway,” a deep voice said from the phone. Larkin quickly complied, hands on her forehead and chin to tip it back and extend her neck. “Then pinch her nose, cover her mouth with yours to make a seal, and give her two breaths in quick succession. You want to see her chest rise.”

Henry watched as Larkin breathed for his girlfriend, her cheeks puffing up and her chest rising, dusky breasts rising and falling twice. Then he reached out and pushed her coat down toward her pelvis. Henry felt like he might break into a thousand panicked pieces.

“Once you’ve done that,” the operator continued, “you need to do thirty chest compressions. Find her bottom rib and follow it to the center of her chest. You want to put the heel of your hand on the bottom third of her sternum, her breastbone. Stack your hands and lace your fingers. Make certain your shoulders are over your hands.”

Henry quickly traced his fingers over her soft skin and found his mark. He called out: “I did it, I p-push now, right?”

“Yes. Two inches. Then come up.”

Henry pushed down once, then twice. The second time he thought he’d achieved two inches, with her ribcage sinking and her belly rounding. “Jesus, it looks like I’m breaking her chest!”

“It’s okay, sir. Two inches. Count out loud with me as you do compressions. One, two, three…”

“…four, five, six…” Henry found he felt a little warmer with the movement, though he’d rather her be breathing and him freezing if that was an option. Larkin was holding her head in place, but her body moved along with the chest compressions. Huffs of air escaped her blue lips and her ribcage creaked beneath his hands. When he forced his straight arms into her chest, her shoulders shrugged. When he recoiled, he felt her ribcage spring back to the proper shape. The sensation sparked nausea in the pit of his stomach, and he gasped out: “Thirty!”

As Larkin breathed for her again, Henry relaxed his arms and rubbed her chest. “Come on, Charlotte! BREATHE!”

Larkin’s air sighed out of her, and Henry quickly found his mark again and rolled his shoulders over his hands. He counted loudly as he thrust himself down into her chest. Time seemed somehow both sped up and slowed down. He was thinking a little more clearly now and was even more frightened, thinking of the seconds and minutes lost while they got her out and the operator explained what to do. He understood that chest compressions circulated oxygenated blood. He didn’t know why she had drowned so quickly, or if it was possible to survive what had happened, but he wanted to be the reason she had a chance.

“…twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty!” The operator had stopped counting with him, but he spoke up as Larkin leaned in to cover Charlotte’s mouth with their own.

“A park ranger with an AED is headed in your direction. He’s got an ATV and expects to be with you in five minutes. DO NOT stop CPR unless it becomes too dangerous for you to continue.”

“One, two, three…��

“We’re not going to stop,” Larkin said, incredulous. “We might freeze to death out here, but otherwise we wouldn’t stop! Fuck!”

“…eighteen, nineteen… just a thing he has to say, Larkin! Twenty-one, twenty-two…” Charlotte made a gurgling sound when his hands plunged particularly deep, but the look in her eyes hadn’t changed when he glanced at her face. “Thirty!”

“Perform two more rounds of compressions and breaths, and then I would like the two of you to switch positions,” the operator said as Larkin bent over her for rescue breathing.

Larkin gave Charlotte a second breath and then said: “Yes! We can do that!”

“One, two, three…” Henry focused on the way the heel of his hand dug into her sternum. Two inches must be enough to press her sternum into her heart. This would express blood from the muscle. He came up off of her, aware again of her ribcage springing back. He envisioned new blood being drawn up into her heart. If he or Larkin kept doing this until someone who could do more arrived…

Soon, it was time for Larkin to give her breaths again. Henry gasped in his own deep breaths of cold air, his eyes on her body as she swelled with Larkin’s breath. There was a dark red mark now between her breasts. Henry placed his hands in the middle of the bruise and forced her sternum down.

Pop!

“Shit!” he exclaimed. He didn’t stop chest compressions, but he was gasping now instead of counting. He would swear that he felt something give when he’d pushed into her. Chest compressions took a lot of effort, but it looked like he was easily crushing her, her chest caving in and her abdomen swelling in rhythmic waves.

“I think he just broke her rib!” Larkin exclaimed.

“Um, it’s okay, I haven’t stopped!” Henry forced out. “Uh… nineteen, twenty, twenty-one… We switch after this, Larkin! Oh… Twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty!”

Henry scooted a few inches to the side and reached for her head as Larkin released it, almost colliding with her in his urgency. Disturbed and disappointed that her lips still felt cold, Henry covered them with his warm mouth and filled her lungs with the hot air. He broke the seal long enough to let his gifted air escape, then gave her a second breath. 

Larkin had already started chest compressions by the time Henry pulled back from Charlotte. He watched them work for a few seconds, though he knew he wasn’t qualified to evaluate their compressions. They looked deep enough and fast enough to him, her stomach rounding with each thrust and her feet swaying side to side, sticking out from beneath the coat. Henry reached down and pulled the coat over her pale feet.

“…fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen…”

Henry scooted back up to her head, both drawn to and repulsed by her face. She was so pale she looked gray, with blue lips and shadows around her open eyes. He’d never seen a person who looked like this, not someone who wasn’t about to be buried. At least at a funeral home, they attempted to make a person look like what you remembered of them when they were alive.

The thought made his own eyes prick with tears.

“Don’t die,” he whispered, keenly aware of Larkin’s countdown to thirty. “Please, please, please…”

“…thirty!”

A seal over cold lips. His cheeks bulging, then hers. Her breasts rising and falling. Her nipples dark against her bloodless skin. Skin mottled and bruised between her breasts.

Larkin’s own cold fingers interlaced over her heart, and they resumed pumping the muscle for her now that she, apparently, couldn’t do it herself.

“Huh, huh, huh…” Air, forced out of Charlotte’s still lungs.

“…seven, eight, nine…”

Henry smoothed her hair, cold and almost hard as it was. Her hair lay clumped up and clinging to her skin, nothing like her usual shiny mane. Her head rocked back and forth as Larkin pumped her chest, blank eyes drawing a fateful trail back and forth across the sky. The breeze picked up, and both he and Larkin shuddered. Charlotte, of course, remained senseless.

Another gurgling noise escaped her, followed by a small amount of water spurting up between her blue lips. Henry turned her head to the side and called out: “Charlotte?” Another gurgle, followed by a splash of water onto the coat beneath her.

“Thirty! I think she just vomited some water up!” Larkin said. “You have to give—”

“Breathe, Charlie!” Henry almost shouted, before he turned her face toward him and forced himself to pinch her nose and give her another breath.

Need to calm down. Calm down. Charlotte…

A second breath, and then he wiped the back of his hand across his eyes. It came away wet.

“One, two, three, four…”

Henry climbed stiffly to his numb feet and staggered over to the boulder, where he found his coat and dragged it down, hurrying back and dropping it on top of her coat. He quickly crouched beside her to give her two more rescue breaths. Breaths on land were easier than they’d been out in the water, but the action felt so strange to him. In another context, it might have been hot. His lips on hers, the intimacy of a shared breath. Her body responding.

As Larkin started the next round of compressions, Henry straightened out his coat, pulling it up just below her breasts. It worried him that her core was still so exposed to the cold air, but he was afraid to add a thick layer between Larkin’s hands and Charlotte’s skin. Instead, he pulled her limp arms against her sides and tucked her cold hands underneath the coat.

“…twenty, twenty-one…” Larkin sounded breathless now, their face a mask of effort and worry.

“I think… Can you do one more round and then we’ll switch?” Henry asked, pinching her nose in preparation for thirty. 

“Thirty! Yes!” Larkin gasped.

Henry gripped her jaw, holding her mouth open and then making a seal with his lips. Two more warm breaths. Her head rocked as Larkin started chest compressions again. Henry leaned down and pressed his lips to her cold forehead, his eyes closed for several seconds, until he pulled back and shook himself. He moved down her body until he was face-to-face with Larkin, ready to take over when it was time.

Larkin, Henry realized, was crying, tears rolling down their face as they finished up the set and quickly leaned over to give Charlotte air. Her breasts rose unnaturally, and then it was time for Henry to fix his hands on her sternum and roll his shoulders over the top.

“One, two, three…” Charlotte emitted a hoarse growling sound, but just as it was when she’d coughed up the water, she still stared half-lidded into nothing. Her head lolled to the side. 

“I don’t understand how she drowned so fast!” Larkin exclaimed hoarsely. Their teeth chattered as soon as they stopped speaking, hands trembling as they turned her face toward the sky. Her head moved loosely on her neck. “Or how it got so bad… you g-got to her! She should have coughed some water up and we would have hauled her to the fire to warm up, and oh, God!”

“Thirty! Breathe!” 

Larkin sniffled, frozen in place. Henry shouted: “LARKIN!”

They flinched and quickly pressed their mouth to Charlotte’s. As the second breath slipped from her mouth and Henry started pumping her chest again, he realized he heard a distant small motor. “One, two, three, four… Is that the ranger? COME ON!”

“How will they get down here?! How’d they get up there?!” Larkin exclaimed. “Is there an access road?”

“…eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen…” Henry couldn’t pay attention to what he hoped was help on the way. He had to focus; he didn’t want the reason she didn’t make it to be that he slacked off because he heard help coming from who knew however far away. Instead, his eyes dropped to her chest, where his hands were stacked so that the heel of his bottom hand thrust into the correct spot.

What I hope is the correct spot. If you make it, you’re going to give me a lesson, okay? Please, please, please don’t die…

“Continue CPR,” the 9-1-1 operator said. “Make certain you compress her chest two inches and come up completely each time. That’s a good place.”

“Thirty!” Henry called out, but Larkin was standing up and shouting something incoherent. Henry lunged for Charlotte’s head, roughly opening her airway and pinching off her nose. He blew two hard breaths into her, the air spluttering out between them, and then quickly swiveled back to her chest. Her breasts wobbled each time he pushed down on her chest, and her nipples were hard from the cold. The coat slipped sideways off of her stomach, and he watched her belly bow as he compressed her ribcage. “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight…”

“HERE!” Larkin screamed, voice breaking. “Down here! HURRY!”

“…fifteen, sixteen, seventeen…”

They dropped down beside Charlotte and opened her airway. “There’s a ranger coming down the stairs on foot! They’ve got bags!”

“Do not stop CPR!” the operator said, startling Henry, who’d forgotten about him.

“…twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty!”

As Larkin bent to give Charlotte mouth-to-mouth, Henry glanced up. Sure enough, a man was hauling ass down the stairs, carrying what looked like a couple of bags and a backpack. Henry tore his eyes away and started chest compressions again, trying not to think about how cold and tired he was, or how cold she was.

“One, two, three, four…”

The man’s boots crunched in the snow as he ran from the base of the stairs over to where Larkin and Henry had been trying to resuscitate Charlotte. He dropped his bags and crouched beside her, asking: “What happened? What’s her name?”

“…thirteen, fourteen, fifteen…”

“We were filming her, Charlotte, doing this… Norwegian free diving,” Larkin said, their voice quiet. “She hit the water and I don’t think she was conscious after that.”

“…twenty-six—”

“Okay, pause compressions so I can do a pulse check,” the ranger said, tugging off his gloves. Henry lifted his hands, breathing hard. The other man dug his fingers into her neck and leaned close over her face, tipping his head to the side. Ten seconds passed, and he sat upright, saying: “No breath, no pulse. Continue CPR while I get the AED prepped.”

Larkin was breathing for her before the ranger finished speaking. 

“I will stay on the line until EMS arrives. There is an ambulance crew coming up to the trailhead,” the 9-1-1 operator said. “They are on foot.”

Henry rolled his shoulders over his hands, pushing hard down into her chest. “One, two, three…”

“I have a victim who has drowned and two others who may be hypothermic,” the ranger said. “Prepping the AED now.”

He dragged the smaller bag closer to his legs and unzipped it, pulling out a red and white AED, a packet, and a small towel.

“Don’t stop,” the ranger said. He was dressed in warm clothing in shades of brown and green. “I’m going to work around you.”

The ranger rubbed her chest with the towel, though Henry was pretty sure her skin was no longer wet. Then he tore open the packet and dumped out AED pads. Henry kept up chest compressions, though he watched as the ranger flipped a switch on the side of the AED.

“APPLY PADS AND PLUG IN THE CONNECTOR!”

“…twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty!” Henry kept his hands in place while Larkin gave her breaths and the ranger peeled the paper backing off the first pad. He barely caught his own breath before he began thrusting his hands hard into her chest again. The ranger applied the first pad above Charlotte’s right breast, then peeled the backing off the second. Henry didn’t waver, forcing her ribcage down and letting it recoil, the motion sending rolling waves down her abdomen. The ranger applied the second pad on the left, below her breast and to the side. Then he plugged the yellow plastic connector into the AED.

“ANALYZING HEART RHYTHM. DO NOT TOUCH PATIENT!”

“Stop compressions!” the ranger called out. “Don’t touch her!”

Henry raised his hands.

“ANALYZING RHYTHM. SHOCK ADVISED! CHARGING. DO NOT TOUCH PATIENT.” The device emitted a loud, high-pitched sound.

“Both of you scoot back!” the ranger commanded. “You can’t touch her when it delivers the shock.”

Larkin and Henry both scooted back, hands in the air and eyes on Charlotte’s limp, pale body.

“Please, Charlie,” Henry whispered.

“PRESS THE SHOCK BUTTON!” the AED commanded, and a yellow rectangle on the top of the device began to flash.

The ranger glanced at both of them and then pressed the button. Charlotte flinched, a small movement centered in her chest that traveled subtlely down her limbs. Immediately, the ranger moved closer to Charlotte and pressed his hands to the mottled skin of her chest.

“SHOCK DELIVERED. CONTINUE CPR.”

“One, two, three…” the ranger intoned. Henry sagged. He hadn’t been sure what to expect, exactly, but it wasn’t this. The ranger looked much more professional than either Henry or Larkin had, most of his energy going to precise, deep compressions. Her body shook each time he pressed into her, breasts quivering, stomach rolling. The compressions made a soft thumping sound as his hands thrust into her sternum. Henry was shivering again, and his bare feet in the snow were alternatively cold and numb.

The ranger hit thirty compressions, and Henry quickly crawled over to her head and sealed his mouth to her cool skin, blowing into her lungs and making her chest rise twice. He held her head in place while the ranger resumed chest compressions. Her head wanted to wobble in his hands, but he kept it steady.

“Her eyes aren’t as open,” he whispered. No one responded, the only other sound the ranger’s steady counting.

“…five, six, seven, eight, nine…”

“She drowned instantly,” Larkin said abruptly. They were sitting a couple of feet away, arms wrapped around their legs. Henry felt a frisson of concern, noting that Larkin’s fingers and lips looked like they were turning blue like Charlotte’s. “I don’t understand…”

“P-put my pullover on, Larkin,” Henry admonished . “It’s on the b-boulder… You’re t-turning blue…”

“…twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two…”

Henry was looking down at Charlotte again, though he heard Larkin rise and stumble over to the large rock where Henry had been standing earlier. When they came back, they sat Henry’s gloves on the coat by Charlotte’s head.

“…thirty!” the ranger called out, then reached over to drag one of his bags closer. As Henry gave Charlotte mouth-to-mouth, he heard the ranger say: “Cold water like that can cause arrhythmias. I saw something similar happen two years ago.”

Henry thought about the heart palpitations he’d felt when he jumped into the cold water. It was like his heart had tried to stop multiple times before lurching back into a fast but otherwise normal rhythm. She’d fallen from a great height, then experienced that cold shock from beneath the surface. He wondered if she’d been conscious enough to understand what was happening to her.

I hope not, Charlie, he thought sadly. Then, he wondered: Did the person from two years ago make it?

Henry was afraid to ask.

“…nine, ten, eleven, twelve…”

Henry slipped his gloves onto his stiff fingers, then flexed them to see if he could still properly use his hands. Larkin suddenly appeared at his side again with his socks and boots.

“Your t-toes are blue,” Larkin stammered, and to Henry’s surprise they helped him put on his socks as he kneeled next to Charlotte, waiting until it was time to breathe for her again.

“…twenty-six, twenty-seven…”

Charlotte made another growling sound like she had earlier, startling Henry into planting his hands on both sides of her head and staring wide-eyed down at her. She didn’t take a breath, however, so when the ranger called out his last compression, Henry quickly pinched her nose closed and leaned down to give her two breaths. 

Then Henry dropped onto his ass and reached for one of his boots, fumbling clumsily with them as his eyes burned with the tears he was trying to keep at bay. 

“…five, six, seven, eight…”

Henry struggled to get his feet into the boots, let alone lace them. He finally left his boots untied, loose on his feet as he rolled over and back onto his knees. It was time to breathe for Charlotte again. He used a hand under her neck to open her airway, pinched her nose closed as the ranger called out “thirty!” and felt the huff of forced air against his face. Her lips were cold and dry when he pressed his mouth to hers, the angle not quite right as he blew into her. He had to expel air even harder to compensate, and when he broke the seal, their mouths made a “pphhhtttbht!” sound.

“One, two, three…”

“Huh, huh, huh, huh…” 

Henry, still leaning over her, looked down at the ranger’s hands buried between Charlotte’s breasts. The depression of her ribcage looked even starker from this angle, and the soft tissue of her breasts shook with each hard compression. When Henry picked his head up, he could see her trim stomach bulge out with each pump of her chest.

“…twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven—”

“ANALYZING RHYTHM! DO NOT TOUCH PATIENT!”

Henry and the ranger both lurched backward, raising their hands. Charlotte’s body was utterly still, which he found even more disturbing than watching her body move from the force of the chest compressions. Her head had tipped over when he released it. Her eyes, open to slits, stared at his knees.

“SHOCK ADVISED. CHARGING. DO NOT TOUCH PATIENT!”

Larkin kneeled a few feet away, their own face pale as the device let out a loud, high-pitched whine. 

“Switch with me after the shock,” the ranger said. Henry nodded.

“PRESS THE SHOCK BUTTON! DO NOT TOUCH PATIENT! PRESS THE SHOCK BUTTON!”

“No one touch her!” the ranger called out, reaching for the flashing button. “Administering the shock now!”

He pressed the button, and Charlotte jerked. Henry knew what to expect this time, so he was already moving toward her when the AED called out: “SHOCK DELIVERED. CONTINUE CPR.”

Charlotte made a squeaking noise when he started chest compressions, making his eyes fly to her face even as he pumped her chest. “One, two, three… CHARLOTTE! BREATHE! Seven, eight…”

“Try to stay calm if you can,” the ranger said. He was pulling smaller items out of his bag, a red plastic case and a thermometer. Larkin moved to kneel on the opposite side of Charlotte, near her head. 

“…thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen—” Charlotte inhaled. The sound was small, barely audible between Henry’s countdown and the rustling sounds of the ranger. Then she coughed wetly, and Henry jerked his hands off her skin, exclaiming: “Charlotte?!”

The ranger dropped whatever he was doing and pressed his fingers into the side of her throat.

“Take another breath, Charlie!” Henry exclaimed. He scooted down and cupped her cheek. “Come on, I know you can hear me!”

“She has a pulse!” the ranger said, sounding relieved. “Take a breath now, sweetheart!”

Charlotte wheezed, then drew a shallow and rattling breath. Her eyelids fluttered and her chest heaved irregularly. The ranger turned back to his bags, quickly rummaging through until he found a foil packet and a knit hat.

“Just keep breathing, Charlie!” Henry reached down and rested his hand gently on the bruises their efforts had left on her skin. His hand rose and fell with her increasingly stronger breaths. The ranger opened the packet and unfurled a metallic blanket, which he draped over Charlotte. Henry pulled his hand free and reached for the hat. Larkin carefully lifted her head, and Henry tugged the hat down over her cold, half-dried hair. 

“Mmm…” Charlotte moaned, her eyelids lifting halfway. Her dark eyes rolled, but he was relieved to see they had life in them now, however disoriented she was.

“Charlie, I love you,” Henry said, leaning down to kiss her cheek. “Larkin, too. We’re both here. You’re going to be okay.”

“Patient has a pulse, labored breathing, and is semi-conscious after two shocks from the AED,” the ranger called out toward the phone. Then he turned back to his bags. “Hey, I have blankets for you two...”

“Uh, okay. Great,” Henry said, after several seconds of delay. “Charlotte?”

Her listless gaze drifted toward his face, focusing briefly on him before she moaned again and closed her eyes. Henry felt the energy drain out of him, relief bleeding him dry. He weakly propped himself up on his elbow beside her, tears finally spilling down his cheeks. The ranger shook out another metallic blanket and draped it around his shoulders. 

Henry reached down, working his hand beneath the blanket and coats until found her cold hand. He squeezed her fingers, his eyes shifting to her face. She still looked unwell, and he was worried about the quality of her breathing, but to his immense relief, she no longer looked like a corpse. Larkin reached in and swept a strand of her hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear.

A few seconds passed, and then Charlotte’s fingers twitched in Henry’s grasp. 

“There you are,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

[writingfortheheart]

Counting to 30: Beth

9 years earlier...

9 years before Beth met Marcianna...

Only 5 years before Beth started at Hope International...

Beth was 20-years-old, in the middle of med school, aiming to get into sports medicine. It was in med school that she met Amy, the love of her life.

In the midst of the pressure of school, Beth had started a ballet class offered through the school. An extracurricular, something to take her mind off her course load. When she put on her slippers, slipped into her leotard, she entered a Zen-like state where nothing could bother her.

Amy had very little interest in ballet, at least until she saw Beth at the gym. Beth had an aura around her that attracted Amy. Peeking into the dance studio across the hall from the gym, seeing Beth in the locker rooms after their respective workouts. It made Amy nervous.

A chance encounter just outside the locker room set everything in motion. Beth had been grabbing a bottle of water from the vending machine just outside the gym, and Amy decided to do the same. Amy made the first move. "Uh...hi?"

Beth wheeled around, a confused look on her face, "Hi? I'm sorry..."

"No, we don't know each other, but..." Amy stammered, "I've seen you in the dance studio..."

A smile crept across Beth's face. She said nothing and let Amy continue. "You're beautiful...I mean, ballet is beautiful, and you look..."

Beth's face turned red. She put her hand on Amy's shoulder. "Thank you". It wasn't often she was complimented on her looks. She had no idea what to say.

"I'd like to buy you a coffee..." said Amy, the words coming from her mouth like a rocket, "Or whatever you prefer. Tea? Soda? No, you're a ballerina, not soda..."

Beth nodded. "I'd like that. Is tonight okay?"

Something bubbled up in Amy's chest, a giggle, "Yeah. Can we meet at the dorms? We'll go from there?"

That night, Beth and Amy fell in love. A quick kiss outside the dorm sealed the deal.

Within the next few months, Beth and Amy had rented an apartment not far from the campus. They wanted to be as close as possible to each other.

After a long day, Beth came in the door to the house, Amy stood waiting with a smile on her face. Beth brightened upon seeing Amy. She leaned in and kissed Amy. "Hey, love. How was your day?"

Amy pulled Beth in. "Better now that you're here. I have dinner ready, if you want it. After that..."

"After that I have to get some school work done...but maybe you can help me". Beth kissed Amy again, their mouths opening, Beth sliding her tongue into Amy's mouth.

After dinner, Beth and Amy went to their bedroom. Beth took a quick shower and changed into a nightgown as Amy changed into a pair of pajamas. Beth went over to her school bag and rummaged through. "Are you ready to help me?" Amy nodded. "Please lay down on the bed", said Beth.

Beth's slender form glided toward Amy on the bed, her black night dress complimented by an old pair of jazz shoes she had repurposed as house slippers. "I just have to practice my auscultation", Beth put her stethoscope on and went to work.

Beth started her examination at the top of Amy's chest, listening to her heartbeat. About halfway through the examination, Amy let out a giggle. "When do we get to the mouth to mouth?" she asked jokingly. Beth pulled the stethoscope from her ears. "Are you feeling short of breath?" she asked, a smile playing on her face. Amy nodded, biting her lip.

Beth leaned in, "Breath out...". Amy did as she was told. Beth's mouth covered Amy's and she gave a gentle breath, filling Amy's lungs with her air. Amy's body bristled. "Again..."

The rescue breathing demonstration turned to kissing, and kissing turned into much more. They made passionate love, Beth's fingers finding her way down Amy's pajama pants as she gave Amy gentle breaths, Amy's fingers finding their way up Beth's nightgown as she took breaths.

When all was done, Beth and Amy held each other.

Beth and Amy were no longer together, but Beth still loved her. It had been 9 years, but the love was still there.

Beth woke up, she was lying on the floor of Marcianna's room. She could hear Marcianna groaning in the bed beside her. She only meant to stay for a little bit, making sure Marcianna was alright. Beth sat up and looked over at Marcianna sleeping on the bed, her face twisted into a pained expression.

Beth brushed Marcianna's hair from her face. "It gets better..."

TO BE CONTINUED...

[dzamie-oc]

Voretober 31 - ...Trouble!

Length: 3100 words Vore type: F/M, unbirth Fandom: My Little Pony Other info: willing prey, griffon prey, pony pred, sex Summary: A followup to the previous one. Gallus and Smolder get caught for their prank, and the griffon gets a taste of his own medicine. The Student Six are all adults in this fic.

"Hey mister griffon, why's your belly like that?" asked a colt dressed as Spider-mare.

The little foal's mother, in a lab coat and Olive Octahoof goggles, tried to shush him, but Gallus leaned down to his height and said, with a smile, "y'see, I was out getting candy earlier, and I saw one of those "take only one" bowls… but there was no candy left in it!" He sat back on his haunches and shrugged, silently grateful that, for one reason or another, Trixie wasn't struggling at the moment. "So I took the bowl! Turns out it wasn't candy, but that didn't stop me."

The griffon grinned at Spider-colt's laughter and waved off the mare's apology, then closed the door. Starlight stood sat behind him, eyebrows raised. "You handled that well," she remarked.

"Lying to hatchlings is a handy skill in Griffonstone; guess it transfers." He dug his talons into the candy bowl and pulled out a chocolate.

"Those are for the younger students, y'know."

"I'm young at heart," Gallus replied, freeing it from the wrapper, "and besides, at least I'm in costume. I saw where three of those Mares Bars went."

"Yeah, well…" Starlight fumbled for a second. Right before the griffon could pop the snack in his beak, she pointed out, "I don't think Sandbar would much like getting melted chocolate all over him."

Gallus froze, then drew the uneaten candy back and held it out to her. "Fair enough." Starlight's magical aura wrapped around the treat and levitated it over to her, where she took a big bite.

Ocellus, still a blue griffon but now sporting a similar-sized bulge under the middle, stepped out from the adjoining room and walked over to them. "S-so," the fake Gallus said with a light blush, "now that we match, shall we head out?"

Gallus paused for a moment; he could've sworn his voice was higher than that. "Yeah, sure thing. Sorry for inviting ourselves in, headmare."

"No trouble at all! And it's better than you… eating Sandbar out where other creatures could've seen you." The griffon pair walked towards the door, and it swung open in Starlight's magic. "By the way, if you see Trixie, could you let her know she left her costume here? Unless she's going as herself… again."

A shiver ran up Gallus's spine, but he didn't even break his stride, simply promised to pass the message on and walked out with Ocellus. After they were far enough away he was sure not to be overheard, Gallus leaned over to his currently-feathered friend. "Hey, can we dip somewhere private? Trixie is quieter than I expected, and I wanna make sure she's okay… plus I think this enough of a prank."

Ocellus nodded, turning and leading Gallus to a darkened classroom. As Gallus followed, he flicked his gaze under the other "griffon"'s blue tail; as he had suspected, Ocellus lacked a pair of fuzzy balls to match his own, and instead sported a small cleft with a bit of pink visible if he looked close enough - which, with his sharp griffon eyes, he could. Ocellus pushed the door open, and Gallus was first inside, where he waited for the changeling to close the door before finding a big enough space away from desks to get the unicorn back out.

He focused, clenching his stomach muscles in just the right way, and steadily drove Trixie back up his throat. Inch by inch, her head poked out of his beak, followed by her shoulders. Trixie's cheek pressed against the tiled floor with a wet squish, but her eyes remained closed. A few more heaves, and a very soaked pony laid limply on the classroom floor. Gallus took a step back. "She's not… is she? I mean, Sandbar's been in there for entire nights without trouble, so-"

"Just asleep," came a higher-pitched version of his voice, "she's still putting out emotions."

"Y'know, 'cell, it's a little strange how normal your voice sounds after that," chipped in Smolder's scratchier voice, "but a cool strange, of course."

"Oh, good." He turned towards where Ocellus probably was - why was this darkness so hard to see in? "Uh, speaking of your voice… Ocellus, you know if you're not comfortable with my body, we can just find something else, right? Or just be two different devils?"

"I… know? Why are you- oh!" the griffoness's claws clacked against the floor a few times. "No, it's not that, it's just that Smolder didn't want to sit in my stomach, so… I didn't put her there."

Smolder walked over to him and put a soaked hand on his shoulder, dampening his feathers with liquid that definitely didn't smell like spit or stomach acid. "And her options were kinda limited if she kept your junk. So she didn't."

Gallus felt his feathers fluff up. "That's… a new one."

Ocellus giggled; they transformed and got their usual changeling voice back. "I'll be sure to remember that."

The griffon's cheeks burned, so he instead turned back to the dim outline of a sleeping unicorn. "So… do we wake her? Or let her think it's all a dream?"

"She's covered in griffon drool," Smolder pointed out, "I don't think "dream" is on the menu here."

"I think we should be honest to her about this whole thing," added Ocellus, "it's the right thing to do, and it'll probably go worse if she finds out on her own."

Suddenly, a quiet "eep" floated through the room, though Gallus only caught it from his catlike hearing. The voice, however, was unmistakable.

"Professor Fluttershy?" Gallus said, peering into the inky darkness.

What responded wasn't Fluttershy, but a much deeper, more gravelly voice. "Well, so much for that," grumbled Discord, "no, dear Fluttershy, that wasn't your fault. I simply couldn't sit still long enough. Oh, well. Lights!"

There was a snap, and the three students cried out in pain as overhead lights replaced the apparently magical darkness. Once the spots had mostly cleared from his eyes, Gallus looked up to see the spirit of chaos sitting behind an overturned desk, holding Fluttershy vertical by her barrel. The pegasus mare was blushing hard enough for her yellow coat to skip past orange and go straight to red. It took very little imagination to guess what, generally, was hidden behind that desk. Gallus suspected it took an awful lot of imagination to guess what, SPECIFICALLY, was hidden, nor was he particularly interested in finding out what Discord had between his legs at that moment. Trixie grumbled in her sleep, but somehow failed to wake up.

"Well, here I was willing to let bygones be bygones, but that was before you realized we were here." Discord sighed and rested his head on a paw; Gallus tried not to think about how he did so while still holding Fluttershy with both his eagle and lion paw. "So I guess, if I must, I'll have to punish you for…"

His red-and-yellow eyes flicked back and forth across the griffon, pony, changeling, and dragon several times. Strange mathematical symbols and letters appeared and vanished around his head before the draconequus shook them away. "Okay, I'm stumped. You two," he said, pointing at Ocellus and Smolder, "were clearly doing some weird sex thing, and… well, I must say I'm all for it, whatever it was. But… Gible, was it?"

"Gallus."

"Right, Gallade. What was it you were doing with my dear friend Trixie? We saved the world together once, you know."

Gallus scratched the back of his neck. "I… don't suppose you'd believe it was also some weird sex thing?"

Discord raised an eyebrow high enough that it flew off and stuck to the ceiling. "I should hope not. She is very clearly unconscious." Gallus felt that last word hit him hard enough that he had to check to make sure nothing had actually, physically hit him.

"Excellent point!" Gallus chirped, his voice cracking a bit. "So, no. I was just going to eat her for a moment and spit her out, but then Starlight showed up, and, uh, half an hour later, here we are."

Discord nodded. "Well, it is Nightmare Night. A good night for pranks."

Gallus smiled. "Yeah! Great! So, then, we'll just wake up Trixie and be on our wa-"

"But! As I always say, one bad prank deserves a good one!" He cracked his tail like a whip, and a bouncy ball rolled down his snout. It bounced once off the floor, then off of Gallus. "Boink!" Discord helpfully added, along with "bonk!" when it smacked Smolder and vanished.

Gallus looked down at himself, and saw that his scales, feathers, and fur had been replaced by smooth, shiny facets, like a griffon-shaped crystal pony. He was about to ask Discord what the big deal was, when he realized Smolder had not gotten the crystal treatment. Instead, she was staring directly at him.

And drooling.

With a squawk, Gallus leapt away from her first pounce. As he fled his hungry friend, he vaguely made out Discord asking Ocellus to return Trixie to the Lost And Found - or Starlight's room, whichever was faster. He made a lap around the room, diving and weaving away from the crazed dragoness with grace that surprised even himself. His ears picked up the sound of Fluttershy squeaking again, in time with Discord panting as the chase passed them, but he couldn't spend even a moment to worry about anything that wasn't his and Smolder's trajectories, and how to make them not line up.

A stroke of misfortune hit, then, when on one pass near the mismatched pair, he heard a snippet of conversation:

"Ah… can you do two different ones? Like, ah, dolphin and dragon?"

"Oh, Fluttershy, for you? I can do anything."

Gallus's brain made the mistake of trying to picture that, and his claw clipped a chair. He only stumbled - not falling - but it was enough for a very solid mass of scales, muscles, and hunger to slam into him. The pair skidded along the floor to a stop next to the wall. For a brief second, the only sounds in the room were the steady thwap of Discord against Fluttershy, the pegasus's moans, and his and Smolder's heavy panting. The dragon had him pinned on his back, straddling him, and there was a wild look in her eyes that Gallus was certain he wasn't fond of.

Smolder leaned over him, drooling over his face, and said, breathily, "I need you in me."

"…please tell me you just mean sex," Gallus guessed. And really, between the sheer terror that was Smolder chasing him, and the exhiliration of being pinned down by a hot girl, he - and the shaft exposed between his legs - kinda hoped she said it was.

"ALL of you," Smolder amended a wide, sharp-fanged grin. Gallus's hopes dropped like a stone.

So, in the face of chaos-fueled oblivion, Gallus shut his eyes, and… remembered that he was still bigger than Smolder. Not as much as when they had met, to be sure, but she was barely taller on two legs than he was on four. So with newfound resolve to live, Gallus opened his eyes again.

Above him, rather than a drooling maw, framed by hard and sharp fangs meant to crack open rocks and possibly bones, was instead a drooling slit, framed by tough yet oddly supple scales. Before he could utter his confusion, Smolder dropped her hips down on him, impaling herself on his beak. And then lifted and slammed them down again. Gallus's mouth was soon covered inside and out with Smolder's juices, but if there was any affection to her actual movements, they must be intended for something as tough as dragons. Still, if she was going to ride his face, he might as well enjoy it. So, he opened his beak as best he could against her inner walls and lapped at her sex. Sweet and spicy, a taste he hoped not to forget.

From above him, he heard her growl, and her scaly tail snaked under his head. "Grr, why won't you get IN?!" she shouted, trying to push his head deeper… without much luck because, as Gallus had reminded himself, she was still kinda small.

"Oh, I just KNEW I forgot something!" Discord sang out. He snapped his claws, and a small, observant part of Gallus's brain told him that meant he and Fluttershy had stopped or at least changed positions. A much bigger part of Gallus's brain told him to pay attention as, with a dominant grunt tinged with a moan, Smolder slipped the griffon's entire head between her legs.

Confused in the new, wet, and oppressively hot space, Gallus groped around with his forelegs until he found her legs. Still kinda small, so Discord hadn't shrunk him or grown her. Around him, he heard the dragoness purr, "ooh, good idea. Be a bro and pull down, wouldja?"

Curiosity won against his better instincts (many of them screaming about curiosity's effect on other felines), and Gallus tugged at her legs. The near-burning heat around his head crept down his neck and over his shoulders. The squishy walls surrounding his upper body squeezed in on him as Smolder's body shuddered. "Oh, scales, that feels nice. I was right, Gallus, I NEED this. I need MORE." Her voice came from all around him, followed by a grunt of effort. "Hey, sit up. It'll be so much faster, and fuller, and BETTER than just inching down…"

Once again, part of him said not to, but he thought of what he felt when he realized what Ocellus had done with the dragon, and, with some effort considering the entire dragoness sitting on - around - his head, managed to sit up. As soon as he did, he felt the muscles around him relax, and slick flesh slid past his head to slick down his feathers and fur all the way down to his hips. He didn't know how she was doing it, but he definitely didn't doubt that she could - and was going to - get all of him in.

Suddenly, he felt an unfamiliar set of claws wrap around his cock. Smolder fumbled with it, trying to brush down the spiky nubs, then tried to press it against Gallus's furry belly. Unfortunately, the griffon couldn't help but twitch at her touch, and it sprang free of her grip a few times… not that Gallus minded, since her handling his shaft more had nearly gotten him purring, as well. Eventually, however, she managed to line it up and slide it - and his hips and waist - inside. If Gallus had worried about getting back out before, the sensation of her pussy sliding against his shaft shut those thoughts out of his mind; after that accidental teasing, he was achingly close to bursting, and as Smolder rolled onto her back to stuff his legs and tail in, the griffon helped her out, kicking his legs as he passionately grinded his hips against her insides.

The heat of her insides crept over his paws, and with just a few inches of his tail left, Gallus came, shooting his sticky, white load all over himself and her inner walls. By the time he came down from his climax, she had completely tucked him away, with even his tail only brushing against more of the dragon's pussy.

-

Discord gently brushed Fluttershy's mane as he watched the griffon's blue tail-tuft slurp into his friend's scaly slit, leaving her looking only slightly gravid. He had intended for her to just swallow Gallus, but chaos magic was, even to Discord, unpredictable, and apparently she "wanted" him in a way more than hunger, even when he was crystal. He idly picked some hairs out from the brush as the haze cleared from Smolder's eyes, then went back to brushing as the dragoness stood up and faced him.

"So… what happens now?" she asked, poking at her belly with confusion all but written on her face (and Discord exercised extreme restraint by not making that literal).

Discord waved his paw. "Don't ask me, I'm terribly inexperienced with relationships. Maybe talk about feelings with him or something? That seems like a very pony thing to do, and this is Equestria, after all." Smolder glared at him, so he grinned and rolled his eyes. "Ah yes, the chaos magic part of things! Don't worry, it'll go away as soon as you let him out. Just push, or if that's hard, reach in and grab his tail or something."

Smolder folded her arms and muttered something Discord pretended not to hear. Then, louder, "so this doesn't end at midnight or something, bam, magic teleports him out and stuff?" Before the draconequus could respond, she added, "and wait, does this just affect him, or…?"

Discord smirked. Finally, somecreature other than Fluttershy who could appreciate the nuance to his tricks! "You're an adult dragon; you don't need easy ways out. And no, I just turned him crystal for a bit. The rest of that magic was on you!"

Smolder smirked back, and walked towards the door. "In that case, there's a certain bug I have plans for tonight." She stopped just before leaving to wave. "Happy Nightmare Night, Discord, Professor Fluttershy!" And then, it was just him and Fluttershy.

"…I'm a professor too, sometimes," he grumbled.

Fluttershy giggled and leaned into him. "And I'm sure you teach very well. Oh, but Discord?"

Discord's blood would have run cold if he had any at the time. He knew that tone. "Er, yes, my dear?"

"Once my, uh, post-climax bliss fades, we're having a nice talk about appropriate pranks on students."

"Um, all's well that ends well?"

"Discord…"

Discord gulped. Before the conversation could go any further, he reached off-screen and pulled the iris-out transition closed.

[raging-violets]

you've always been the most important person in my life. + kiley?

A/N: Saw in this post, that you were feeling nostalgic and it kicked my ass into gear to get this one up. There is also a Rated M/Explicit version of this I'm working on as well! And despite where I cut it off with a read more, this is not an heavy angsty piece, it's a fluffy one!

-

Riley had been sitting through a more than boring business meeting—who the hell actually cared what countries brought in the most clicks on their social media pages?—when she got the phone call.

Thank God, she thought, twisting her features to make an exaggerated expression of apology before slipping out of the board room. She could practically feel the jealous glares of her brothers and sister as she escaped the tedium of the day to slip outside.

Riley glanced at the number that came up on the screen and sighed lightly. Not recognizing it, a bit of trepidation rolled through her stomach. Most people had anxiety about talking on the phone, that never bothered her. She loved talking on the phone, but when it was unknown numbers, it was what made an eyebrow quirk.

Especially after that time some more than exuberant fans had managed to sleuth their ways through the internet and leak her phone number. A few well-timed cease and desist letters and strongly worked police involvement had nipped that in the bud.

Now, unknown numbers gave her pause. But something in her gut told her to answer it.

“Hello?”

“I’m sorry, to bother you ma’am,” came the voice on the other end of the line. Riley’s hackles immediately started to rise. No one called her ma’am. Her cheeks started to flush, ready to take on whomever decided to grab her number once more. Especially when it continued with, “but is this… Riley…?” trailing off a second as if they were determining if they’d actually called her, “Oh, Riley Jackson?”

She sucked in a deep breath through her nose, working to keep her temper in check and focused on the tone of the voice speaking to her. It didn’t sound young enough to be a fan, but that’d tripped her up before.

“Speaking,” she replied flatly.

“This is Mason Lee, I’m calling from the Los Angeles Sports Center.” Riley’s eyebrows came together. “And you’re listed as the emergency contact for Kendall Knight, I’m afraid there’s been an incident.”

All at once, Riley felt the heat leave her face as concern took over. “Is he okay?”

“He’s had a nasty collision while on the ice, so if you could come in, we could discuss the extent of his injuries.”

Riley pressed her lips together. Logan had always been vocal about what certain words of injuries meant. Not to mention her own dreams of being a doctor…and all of the time she’d spent in doctor’s offices due to her injuries from Robert. If a doctor wanted to speak to someone in person, it either meant there was a serious injury or a serious run of recovery that was needed.

“What the fuck did you do now, Hockey-Head?”

“Ma’am?”

Riley chuckled to herself, not realizing she’d said her mental questions out loud. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

 Riley quickly sent a text message to Ronan about leaving the rest of the meeting, and hurried to the sports complex.

When she arrived and was taken back to the medicine room, Riley twisted her fingers together. Her blood pressure rose with each step she took, breath coming up faster and faster. With every step she took, images of the time spent in hospitals and doctor’s offices flashed through her head. A broken arm here, a busted lip there, cuts, bruises, sprains, abrasions. All the ways one could be abused flew through her mind.

It'd been a few years since Robert had been removed as her foster parent and had been charged and sentenced, but the memories were always fresh. It was no wonder she’d frozen when taking the MCAT with Logan.

The terror she worked hard to hide must’ve been emblazoned across her face as she scanned the area because a Asian man wearing a grey polo with the complex’s name on the front strode toward her.

“Miss. Jackson?” He asked. “I’m Mason Lee.”

“You can call me, Riley, mate,” she said quickly. “Is Kendall okay?”

Mason Lee chuckled. “Kendall’s going to be okay. I just wanted you to be aware of what happened. Kendall was practicing on the ice and he got into an altercation with some other players out here. They went around a few times and went into the boards and they’ve received some injuries.”

Folding her arms, Riley jutted out her hip. “What was the bloody fight about?” She knew the answer before it was given, then nodded when Mason said, “From what I can understand, the other guys were giving him a hard time about being in a boyband and playing hockey…”

Mason smiled at the roll of her eyes. “He’s in good spirits, but he’s gotten a few injuries. He’ll need a lot of rest and he needs to stay off the ice for the next couple of weeks. He won’t be able to perform for the next couple of weeks as well.”

“Well, he’s sustained multiple injuries, but with plenty rest, and lots of pain killers, he’ll make full recovery in no time I’m sure,” Lance explained, lifting a weight off Merlin as he spoke, “he’s very lucky he came out of this with what he did, it could have been much worse.”

She nodded, still twisting her fingers together despite them being tucked out of site. The quicker she saw him, the quicker she’d be able to breathe.

“And as if it, we don’t tolerate fighting here so he’s banned from the complex for the same amount of time he’ll be in recovery.”

“I don’t expect he’ll dislike anything less,” Riley murmured. She ran a hand through her hair, briefly closing her eyes. When she opened them she asked, “Can I see him?”

“Absolutely, he’s been asking for you.”

They walked into the room Kendall was in and he immediately looked up and smiled when he saw Riley coming toward him despite the frustration and aggression that sagged his shoulders forward. He reached out a hand that Riley took and immediately wrapped him up in a hug. He wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her close to him.

She breathed in deeply, taking in the scent that was him and feeling him strong and study despite the bandages coating a wrist and his foot.

“Are you okay?”

It took a moment for Riley to realize Kendall was asking her the question, not her asking him.

“Yeah,” she replied, pulling back to look him in the eye. Her expression softened into a mixture of compassion and frustration; much like any girlfriend would have for a boyfriend who managed to hurt themselves. “Are you?”

Kendall smiled a sweet smile, bringing his hands down to grab hers. “You’re shaking,” he said.

She was trembling like a leaf. He knew she hated hospitals. And it wasn’t even a fucking hospital. “You called me here!”

“And you came,” Kendall replied, sounding like a proud little boy.

Riley rolled her eyes. She grasped Kendall’s face and kissed him. “I came,” she replied. “Of course I would. What happened?”

“I got into a fight.”

“I can see that!”

Kendall shot her a look, his face softening the moment their eyes met, and he sighed, shaking his head. “It was stupid, I was just skating around. And these guys started to hassle me about getting into the junior leagues and being in a boyband and…it was dumb.”

“Fucking right, boofhead,” Riley shot back. “Your leg’s broken!”

“It’s sprained,” he said, trying to placate her. “And so’s my wrist.” He kissed her again. “I’m fine, Ruby, I promise.”

Riley sighed, her shoulders slumping. “What’d your mum say?”

He looked at her. “She doesn’t know yet.”

Her eyebrows flew up at that, dark blue eyes widening. “She doesn’t know?”

“No, I only called you.”

Riley thought for a moment, thinking back to what Mason Lee had told her. Emergency contact… She took in a surprised breath through her nose, then studied her boyfriend. Her blonde, bandaged, boofheaded boyfriend.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he added quickly, taking her silence for anger. “Not on purpose, Riles, I swear I wouldn’t scare you like this on purpose.”

But she wasn’t thinking about that. Shek new he never would. No, she continued to roll the words Emergency Contact through her head, almost as if it were a mantra. “You didn’t call your mum?” she asked. Kendall shrugged. “You put me as your emergency contact, yeah?”

“Yeah…” Kendall looked her in the eye. “You’re the most important person in my life, Riles. You’ve always been the most important person in my life. If there’s anyone I want by my side with this hockey stuff, the good and the bad, it’s you.”

Riley smiled and leaned forward, pressing her forehead against his, gently rubbed her nose against his. Ignored her want to make a comment about his nose poking out her eye, ignored her initial reaction to remind him that James would probably have something to say about that. Simply basked in the vulnerable moment with her boyfriend who she loved dearly, no matter how many stupid hockey injuries he would end up getting. He was about to go into the junior hockey league, it was probably going to happen more as time went on.

Time to get used to it.

“And if it didn’t hurt like hell to move right now,” his voice dropped to a low murmur. “I’d show you how important you are to me…”

“Fuck off,” she leaned back and pushed his head aside as he chuckled. She reached up and ran a hand through his hair. “Let’s get you back to the crib. I think you’ve had enough fun for today.”

After getting more care instructions from the facility’s medical team, Kendall and Riley went back to 2J, with Riley holding the door as he stubbornly worked his crutches through the lobby and up to the room. She motioned for him to sit on the couch before disappearing into the kitchen to get him some food.

She’d turned back around to find him stretched out on the couch, watching her carefully. “What?” She asked.

“Nothing, just…” Kendall smiled serenely, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” She walked back over to him and leaned over, giving him a long kiss. “Especially because your call got me out of the most boring meeting I’ve ever sat through.”

“I’m so glad that both of us are getting something out of this.”

“What are you getting?”

“Time away from Gustavo.” Riley laughed at Kendall’s quick response. “And my own personal nurse.”

At that, Riley shook her head. She reached out for Kendall’s hand and hefted him to his feet before leading him toward the bathroom.

“What are you doing?” Kendall asked.

“I’m running you a bath,” Riley replied, her nose wrinkled, eyes flashing. “As much as I like it when you smell like sweat…you really smell gross.”

[percervall]

what if I love you?

Player: Jordan henderson Words: 870 Warnings: Fluff Request: Receiving flowers - Maybe one where the Reader is a younger physio who doesn't think he notices her until he sends her flowers on Valentine's day? A/N: Asndsd i love this idea so much??? hope I did it justice!

title from Gatlin's What If I Love You?

---

Seeing the vase on top of her desk made her stop in her tracks. She quickly looked around to see if the person who left them was still around, but the corridor leading to her office was empty. Dropping her keys and tablet onto her desk, she took in the bouquet. The majority of the flowers were in similar shades of pink, very close to her favourite hue, mixed with a few white and cream ones. She ran a finger over the petals of one of the peonies and felt her lips tug up in a smile. Turning the vase around she looked for a card, finding it tucked away between two roses.

“Someone’s got a secret admirer,” a voice came from the open door. She felt her cheeks heat up as her best friend and colleague Jess stood in the doorway.

“I’m sure it’s just someone being nice, I did just get my Masters in Sports Medicine,” she replied, not fully believing her own explanation. Jess hummed in a way as if to say yeah, sure. Even though they’d only been working together for six months, she and Jess had hit it off from the moment she became part of the medical staff at Liverpool. 

“I doubt Klopp would send you pink flowers to congratulate you, babe. What does the card say?” She had to admit Jess had a point there. Although the Liverpool manager sometimes acted like a dad for everyone he employed, she too doubted he’d send her this type of bouquet. She slid the envelope open and pulled out the thick cardstock. 

Happy Valentine’s Day! I didn’t know how to tell you in person without losing my nerve, but I’ve had a crush on you from the moment we met that day in the foyer of the AXA. Been trying to ask you out for months, but instead I’d end up making up some vague injury that needed looking at because the moment you look at me, I’m gone. So here goes: Can I take you out for dinner? Tonight maybe?

xJ

She read the card and then re-read it a second and third time, just to make sure it actually said what it said. She felt her cheeks heat up at the memory of the first time she met him. She had just joined the club and was still trying to find her way around the training grounds. Her arms had been full with supplies for the treatment room and she didn’t notice she still had one more step to go coming down the stairs. “Careful!” someone had said, as she collided against him with a tiny shriek. The boxes had fallen, but luckily he had caught her. 

“S-so sorry!” she had tried to apologise, momentarily forgetting what else she was going to say when she looked in those bright blue eyes. Jordan had chuckled, making sure she was okay as his hands lingered a little longer than perhaps necessary on her waist. When his fingers brushed against hers as he handed her the fallen boxes, she could’ve sworn she felt a spark of something pass between them. And this remained in the weeks and months that followed. They’d steal glances at one another when they thought the other wasn’t looking, hands would linger a little longer than needed when hugging or when she treated his injuries. She thought it had all been in her head, but now to see it written quite literally in black and white, it took her a while to let it sink in that all this time he had felt the same way. 

“You okay?” Jess asked, pulling her from her thoughts. She blinked, trying to clear the fog of memories.

“Y-yeah. Sorry, I have to go,” she mumbled and left her office, still clutching the note to her chest. She made her way down the corridor and saw the team was wrapping up training. Pulling on her puffer coat, she walked outside. Nervous butterflies settled in the hollow of her chest as she spotted the Liverpool captain. She swallowed hard and kept walking until she was almost in front of him.

“Hey,” she said, fidgeting with the note.

“Hey,” Jordan echoed, cheeks flushed. She wondered whether that was just because of the cold. 

“I-.. Thank you. F-for the flowers I mean. How did you know peonies are my favourite?” Jordan shrugged. “I might’ve overheard you mention it to Jess once,” he said quietly, not quite meeting her eyes now. She was quiet for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts. She had not thought this through when she left her office. 

“Also found your note,” she all but whispered, looking down at her hands that were fidgeting with the folded piece of cardstock. 

“You did?” She nodded, meeting his eyes.  He looked at her, eyes full of hope.

“To answer your question, yes. Yes, I’d like that very much.” The smile that tugged at his lips squeezed her heart. He brushed his lips against her cheek, making her stomach fill with butterflies. 

“Pick you up at 7?” he asked. She nodded, skin burning where his lips had touched.

“Great,” Jordan said, grinning now, “It’s a date.” 

She couldn’t wait. 

Tags @football-and-fanfics @kostasstsimikass @lfc21

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[acteur-dramatique]

Chapter Twenty: Opening Up

The door creaked open, and Adam strode in, tossing his backpack onto his bed with a satisfied sigh. His hair was slightly disheveled, a faint sheen of sweat on his forehead from his Sports Medicine class, but his expression shifted when he caught sight of TJ lying on his bed, lost in thought.

“Hey,” Adam said, his tone gentle as he took in TJ’s melancholy expression. “You doing alright? You look… kind of down.”

TJ hesitated, glancing at Adam. He hadn’t expected to be asked, but something about Adam’s open, honest gaze made him feel safe. Maybe it was the way Adam had so easily taken to him as a roommate, or how he seemed genuinely interested in TJ as a person, even when they were so different.

He took a deep breath, feeling his defenses start to drop. “Honestly… not really. Just been thinking about a lot of stuff.”

Adam sat down on the edge of his bed, his eyes steady. “What’s going on? You can tell me if you want. No pressure, though.”

TJ paused, feeling the words forming before he could think them through. “I… don’t really like being around people, I guess. I mean, I do, but it’s complicated.” He sat up, pulling his knees to his chest as he looked down, fidgeting with his hands. “Back in high school, I had a pretty hard time. Some of the rich kids, the ones with those famous last names, you know… Dierberg, Schnuck, Kemper—they made my life a living hell. I was just trying to get by, but they… they saw something in me to tear apart.”

Adam listened carefully, nodding with empathy. “That sounds brutal, man. What did they do?”

TJ swallowed, his voice quieter now. “There was this one kid, particularly nasty. He started this rumor about me and one of the male teachers. Made up this sick story that something was going on between us. I’d never even been alone with the guy, but it got so bad that the administration had to investigate just to make sure nothing was happening.”

Adam’s expression turned from empathetic to horrified. “That’s… that’s insane, TJ. I’m so sorry. Did anything come of it?”

TJ shook his head, trying to keep his voice steady. “They didn’t find anything, of course. But it didn’t matter. The rumors were out there. I begged my parents to send me to MICDS instead, but they said graduating from Burroughs would open so many doors for me. They told me to just hang on, to grit my teeth and bear it, but it was horrible.” He looked down, feeling the familiar sting of old wounds resurfacing. “Every day, I’d hear people whispering as I walked to my locker or went to class. Even in rehearsals for the school plays, I’d catch people giving me looks.”

Adam was quiet for a moment, absorbing everything. Then, he reached over and placed a hand on TJ’s shoulder, his voice gentle. “Thank you for telling me, TJ. That… I can’t imagine what that must’ve been like. No one should have to go through that.”

TJ felt his throat tighten, the shame and hurt he’d carried alone for so long bubbling to the surface. He looked up at Adam, his eyes glassy. “It’s just… hard to shake, you know? I want college to be different, but sometimes I still feel like people are judging me.”

Adam’s expression softened as he wrapped TJ in a big, reassuring hug. “You’re not alone here, TJ. Not anymore. I’ve got your back, alright? Screw those people from high school. This is your place to start fresh.”

TJ leaned into the hug, letting himself feel the comfort of a friend who understood, who didn’t judge. His shoulders shook slightly as he blinked back tears, feeling lighter than he had in a long time.

“Thanks, Adam,” he whispered, grateful beyond words.

[snelbz]

Starting Over {Three}

Collab with @theladyofdeath.

Summary: Elide Lochan thought she had met the love of her life only to find out that he was not the man she thought he was. After her world starts falling down around her, she makes a move back to her childhood home in hopes of starting over. Although it’s the last thing she expected, she meets a man the exact opposite of her ex. With his help and that of her best friend, Aelin, she learns how to stand on her own two feet and take control of her life.

Starting Over Masterlist

Elide was on her way to Rowan’s gym for her interview when the panic settled in, but only because she was running late. Not by the world’s standards. Oh no, Elide went by the motto that to arrive early was to be on time, and to be on time was to be late. She had hoped to arrive with ten minutes to spare, but she was cutting it close as she rounded the corner of First Street and Havilliard Ave. 

She had applied to a few jobs in the past two weeks since her arrival, but none of them had excited her as much as this one. When Rowan claimed that his gym was looking for a personal trainer, Elide had been hesitant at first, but after seeing her other options, she decided that this one came closest to her passion. She had graduated with her degree in sports medicine a couple of years before and had yet to do anything with it. She wasn’t sure what her end career goal was, not yet, but this would be a start. 

She hoped and prayed to the gods that she got the job, although she was feeling pretty good about it. She had worked on her resume, with Aelin’s help, and went through possible interview questions over and over again the night before.

Her resume.

With a curse, Elide reached over to her passenger seat and threw her bag on the ground. For a second, she thought she had left it sitting on the counter and would have been pissed to have to turn around. The breath she had been holding left her body, though, as she flipped open the red folder and saw her resume inside.

As she looked back up at the road, another curse - much more foul - flew out of her mouth as she slammed on her breaks. 

One second too late.

Her car slid to a halt but not before her bumper collided with the car in front of her’s. 

A car, which had blue lights on top and the familiar black and blue paint of Orynth PD.

Elide cursed, a word so filthy that Aelin would have been proud of her, and let her forehead fall against her steering wheel.

She heard the door of the vehicle in front of her open and close, thankful he didn’t bother to turn on the lights or siren. This would be mortifying as it was. Steeling herself, Elide took a deep breath and opened her own door.

The man inspecting the rear bumper of his car was tall, really tall. Most people were tall to Elide, considering she was a mere five foot one, but he towered over the other people passing on the sidewalk.

As she approached, Elide said, “I am so, so sorry,” but froze as she was taking a step.

He was…so handsome.

Not in the traditional sort, with the long hair tied in a knot at the back of his head or the scar slashing through his left eyebrow, but he was…rugged in a way that Elide had never found particularly attractive.

Until this exact moment.

She swallowed and remembered how to speak. “I’m so sorry, I should have been paying closer attention.”

He looked from her to his bumper then back at her again. “You dented my bumper.”

Elide blinked, hesitated. “I can pay to have it fixed.” 

The rugged, handsome cop looked over Elide’s shoulder at her car before meeting her gaze, once again. “Can you?”

Elide’s cheeks heated. Sure, she didn’t have the nicest car in town, but it got her from point A to point B. She opened her mouth to tell him what’s what when he chuckled.

“Are you alright?” he asked. The question was so genuinely asked that Elide hesitated, once more. “Neck sore? Back?”

Elide shook her head.

“Might be tomorrow,” he said, simply, and walked closer to the front of her car. “Looks like you’re off easy. A little scratch is all.” 

Elide blinked, unsure of how to react. “I’m sorry, should I give you my insurance information?”

The side of the cop's mouth ticked up and she got the feeling he was suppressing a grin. “Would you like to give me your insurance information?”

Elide did not. She didn’t tell him that, though.

“Let’s start with you telling me why you weren’t paying attention to the road,” he said, crossing his arms over his broad chest as he leaned against the back of his patrol car.

“I’m on my way to a job interview,” Elide said, the words tumbling out of her. “I thought I forgot my resume at home. I was checking I had it.”

“Hitting a cop on the way to a job interview doesn’t bode well for that, does it?” He asked and Elide genuinely wasn’t sure if he was messing with her or not.

“No?”

He laughed and asked, “Where’s your interview?”

“Relentless Gym.” She was starting to worry she might be late, and added, “At ten o’clock.”

He glanced down at his watch and said, “You better hurry then. Only a few minutes to spare.”

He turned, heading back to his car and if Elide was smarter, she would have let it go, would have let him get back in his car and get in hers and hope to the gods she wasn’t late for her interview.

But she’d never considered herself very smart.

“Am I…not in trouble?”

He had reached his door and opened it, leaning an arm on the roof. Again, he threw her question back to her. “Would you like to be in trouble?”

“No, I—” She released a deep breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. “I just don’t understand why you aren’t at least writing me a ticket. I…hit you.”

He shut the door and came back to stand in front of her. “You seem like you’re having a rough morning and I don’t see a reason to add to that.” He gave her a slight smile and added, “On top of that, my shift ends in about three minutes and writing you a ticket for a fender bender would give me way more paperwork than I feel like doing. Plus, it’s not actually my car. It’s the department’s. If you hit my car, I’m sure I’d be much more upset.”

She stared at the man, unsure of what to think. She was grateful, sure, absolutely, but usually her luck didn’t quite play out like this.

Ever.

He lifted a dark, humored brow. “You’re going to be late.”

Elide stilled. “What?”

He chuckled. “For your interview.”

“Oh!” Elide gasped, reaching out to shake the cop’s hand. He looked at her hand for a second before shaking it, and she was sure he thought it was weird because as it was happening, Elide also thought it was weird. But, it was either a weird handshake or throwing her arms around a stranger for a hug and she just wasn’t up for that amount of awkwardness today. “Thank you. Really.”

He nodded, muttering, “You’re welcome,” and that was it before he got in his car and drove away. 

Elide fell behind the wheel of her own care, careful to look every direction before putting her car back into drive.

She arrived at the gym right on time.

—————————

Elide had never expected to get hired on the spot, but Sellene, the gym’s owner, had asked her to start the very next day. She wouldn’t have any of her own clients yet, but she would work one on one with the one of the trainers that’d been there for years.

She was back the next morning, thankfully not having crashed into any attractive police officers on the way. Sellene introduced her to each of the staff one by one and showed her the facility.

As they topped the stairs to the administrative offices, Elide halted. “Rowan?”

He turned from where he’d been looking through some paperwork and smiled, walking over to them. “Surprise?”

She laughed and shook her head. “When Aelin said your gym, I just thought she meant you worked out here.”

“Well, I do work out here, but my family owns it,” he replied, nodding to the woman beside her. “Sellene is my cousin.”

“And Rowan is my best trainer,” Sellene smiled, coming up behind them. She looked at Elide as she winked and added, “For now.”

Elide laughed quietly as she looked at Rowan. “I hope there was no bias in the decision to hire me.”

“You’re more than qualified,” Rowan promised.

“Ro will train you this week, show you the ropes. You’ll shadow him, just see how we do things. Next week you can start building a clientele of your own,” Sellene explained. “How does that sound?”

“Sounds good to me,” Elide said, clapping her hands together. “Starting now?”

“I’m ready if you’re ready,” Rowan said, and they parted their ways with Sellene.

Rowan was a good teacher. It wasn’t because the position was difficult, but Elide liked watching how he interacted with his clients. He was always respectful, always patient, always listening to what they needed. Elide hadn't had anything against Rowan thus far, had been grateful to stay with him and Aelin, but watching the love and care he put into his job only made her respect him more. 

It made the week pass by quickly.

By the time Friday came, Rowan kept joking that Elide was going to steal all of his clients. 

Aelin had told her that morning that they were going out to celebrate the successful end of her first week.

At first, she’d frozen, her spoon halfway to her mouth. She’d done her best not to think of Roland the past few weeks. She’d had to change her number after he’d started calling and texting her about a week after she left. She hadn’t heard from him since, but no matter the silence, she didn’t believe he’d let her go that easily.

On top of that, a night out had been the cause of this whole situation. It shouldn’t have been her first thought, but it was. Had she just gone out with Roland that night, none of that would have happened—

But it would have, she reminded herself. It didn’t matter what the catalyst was. Something at some point would have made him snap. Elide wouldn’t have been able to avoid his hidden wrath forever.

She was just thankful she’d been able to get out.

And she wasn’t going to let him steal the joy she’d started to find in Orynth.

“Aedion can’t wait to see you,” Aelin went on, her back to Elide as she made her coffee, “and his fiancée, Lysandra? You’re going to love her. And Rowan’s best friend, Lorcan, is coming. He’s always cranky, so don’t let him intimidate you. He isn’t nearly as scary as he thinks he is.”

Elide finished her bite of cereal before asking, “But he is kind of scary?”

“He’s massive, like unnecessarily tall,” Aelin explained, sitting across from her. “And he’s a bit of an asshole. But he’s been Rowan’s best friend since elementary school, so I’m stuck with him.”

Elide chuckled. Whoever this guy was, he couldn’t be horrible to be Rowan’s lifelong best friend. Rowan was a good man and a good judge of character. Even if Aelin did think she would find the man intimidating.

There must’ve been hesitation showing because Aelin’s shoulders relaxed, her demeanor softening. “If you don’t want to go, you don’t have to. If you’re not ready, I understand.”

It was kind of Aelin to say so, but it was also kind of her to create a night that she would be celebrated. Besides, she had been thinking of starting to meet some of Aelin’s beloved friends and it had been years since she had seen her cousin. It would be nice to see Aedion and catch up.

So there she was, clocking out on Friday at six. She grabbed her bag and went into the staff bathroom to change from her workout gear to her jeans and tee that she deemed sufficient for a night out. She didn’t have much in the way of clothes, yet. Only what she had in the work out bag she’d had in the trunk of her car and what Aelin let her borrow.

Rowan had to stay another half hour to get some paperwork done but told her to go ahead, that Aelin was already on her way to the bar.

The bar was about ten minutes from the gym, right between it and the apartment. Charlie’s was their go-to, Aelin told her, thanks to Rowan and Lorcan’s long standing friendship with the owner. After pulling into a parking spot, she checked her phone, finding a text from Aelin that said she was inside and had a large, corner booth reserved in the back.

Flipping down the visor, Elide checked out her makeup one last time. She wasn’t one to usually wear more than some powder and a swipe or two of mascara, but she would be meeting people tonight, people she knew could become important to her.

Thankfully, the bulk of her injuries had healed completely. The only thing that still remained was a small cut on the side of her mouth, but even it was unlikely to be noticed in a dark bar. With a deep breath, Elide opened her door and headed into the bar.

It was a Friday night so the place was bustling with people, even though it was smaller in size. Aelin was exactly where she said she would be, though, waving at Elide from a corner booth. She already had a pitcher on the table and a tray of shots.

She wasn’t alone, either. Aedion was there with his fiancé, Lysandra, and Elide couldn’t help but gawk at her beauty.

The second she sat down, Elide was asking Aedion and Lysandra a million questions about their upcoming wedding, hoping to keep the conversation on their lives and not so much Elide’s. It seemed to be working just fine until Lysandra went to the bar to order a cocktail.

“Ace tells me you’re working with Rowan at the gym,” Aedion began, filling his glass. “Personal trainer?”

Elide nodded. “And massage therapist. It comes with benefits so I’m pretty excited.”

Aedion opened his mouth to reply but, to Elide’s delight, Aelin interrupted and changed the subject. “There’s Ro now.” She waved at him across the room. 

Elide followed her line of sight and froze. Not at the sight of Rowan, of course, but because of the familiar man that stood next to him with his hands shoved into his pockets.

Elide wouldn’t forget that handsome, rugged face anywhere.

Or his size.

“That’s Lorcan?” Elide whispered. “Rowan’s friend?”

“In the flesh,” Aelin said, rolling her eyes. “Like I said, unnecessarily huge.”

Her use of unnecessarily made as little sense now as it had the morning of her interview yet somehow, Elide knew she was right. Just for an altogether different reason.

Her next question was truly what was unnecessary, since she already knew the answer, but she asked regardless. “He’s…not a cop, is he?”

Two sets of gold-ringed eyes turned to her. Aedion was the one who answered. “Yeah, he is.”

Elide reached for one of the shots on the table in front of her and tossed it back.

Gripping her wrist before she could grab another, Aelin asked, “Do you know him? Is everything okay?”

“I sort of crashed into him earlier this week,” Elide cringed, refusing to look over her shoulder to where the two men approached. “On the way to my interview.”

Aelin’s hysterical and sudden laughter was the reason Elide reached for a second shot to follow the first.

“Do I even want to know what’s so funny?”

Rowan asked, glancing between Aelin and Elide, with Aedion snickering on the other side of the booth.

Elide knew she should turn around, knew she should just get this over with, but it seemed she was rooted to her seat, watching Aelin recover herself.

It took a moment, but by the time Aelin was done laughing, Elide was certain her face was bright red.

“Elide, this is Lorcan. Lorcan, Elide.” Aelin’s smile only grew wider as she made the introductions. 

Elide didn’t have to turn around because Rowan had slid into the booth beside Aelin and Lorcan stepped forward.

And halted.

He stared at Elide for a moment before a light sparked in his eyes. He didn’t exactly smile, but his lips grew softer as he asked, “Run into anyone else this week? Or, was that honor mine alone?”

Elide groaned, wishing she had a wall to hide behind.

Or another tray of shots.

Out of all the men in Orynth, this was the guy who was best friends with Rowan. It seems that Fate did have a sense of humor.

Lysandra returned then and looked from an embarrassed Elide to Lorcan, still standing at the head of the table.

“You just got here and you’re already causing problems?” She asked, sliding into the booth beside Aedion, careful not to spill her drink. “Sounds right. Brute.”

“I’m not the one causing issues,” Lorcan said, and now he was smiling, just a little bit. “It just seems me and Elide here…go way back.”

“Way back being Monday,” Elide said, words muffled by her hands, which were now cradling her face. 

Chuckling, Lorcan grabbed an empty chair from a nearby table and sat it at the end where he stood. “Heard you got the job,” he said, gesturing to Rowan as he poured himself a beer. “Congratulations.”

She was in the middle of the curved booth, having ended up between Aedion and Aelin. That meant he was directly across from her. Her cheeks were still on fire and she was wishing she had on a cute top like Aelin and Lysandra did. Suddenly, her tee and jeans didn’t feel as great as they had when she was getting ready in the gym locker room.

“Thank you,” she finally answered. “I made it on time, too, in case you wondered.”

“Good to know.” That smile was still there, hiding behind his glass as he took a drink. “Didn’t speed, did you?”

She could tell he was teasing her, thanks to the tilt of his lips and the mischievous twinkle in his eye, but Rowan shoved his best friend’s arm.

“That’s enough, Officer Salvaterre,” he interjected before Elide could answer, chuckling. “You’re off duty.”

Throwing up his hands, Lorcan shrugged. “I was making sure she got there safely.”

There were many more jokes made at Elide’s expense, but as the night went on, she realized just how comfortable she felt with them. She barely even noticed Roland’s presence in the back of her mind, not bothering to spare him a second thought.

Or she tried.

She had been staring at Rowan’s half empty glass, watching a droplet of condensation roll down the side, when she felt a light touch to her arm. “Elide?”

Aelin and Lysandra stood at the end of the table, where Lorcan’s empty chair sat. She had a feeling that wasn’t the first time Aelin had said her name. Rowan and Aedion were a few feet back, on the edge of the small dance floor.

“We’re going to dance,” Lysandra offered, with a smile. “You want to join us?”

Elide used to love to dance, but she’d never been allowed to dance with anyone but Roland, not even her friends. “No, I’m… I’m okay.” She forced a smile she knew was almost believable. “The people watching here is amazing.”

Aelin outright laughed while Lysandra’s chuckle was more subdued and was accompanied by a shake of her head.

“If you change your mind, come find us,” Aelin smiled and Elide nodded.

The crowd swallowed them up and Elide reached for the fruity, pink drink Lysandra had ordered for her. It was sweet, but it was strong.

And she was on her third of the night.

“You run everyone off?”

Elide’s head snapped up as Lorcan returned, a glass of whiskey in hand.

“Apparently,” Elide said, trying to keep her voice light, laughing softly. “You don’t dance?”

Lorcan looked over his shoulder at those dancing in the middle of the floor. It was a small bar. There weren't a ton of people, but still quite the mob had gathered.

Instead of answering, Lorcan asked, “You don’t dance?”

“No,” Elide lied, deciding it was the easiest answer.

He nodded and gestured to the booth. “Mind if I sit?”

She didn’t own the seat. He didn’t have to ask, but Elide liked that he did. She nodded. “Of course.”

Lorcan slid in the booth, keeping himself a couple of feet away. 

There was a calm quiet between the two, despite the music playing around them. It wasn’t deafening, like the clubs in Perranth that Roland had taken her to. It was just…nice background noise.

Lorcan set his glass on the table and turned towards her. “Look, you know I’m a cop. I’m sure you also know that Ro has told me about your situation.” A chill ran down Elide’s spine, but she said nothing. He continued, “Not in full detail, but enough. I know you don’t know me, but if you need anything, I’m here. Both on duty and off.”

Elide watched him for a moment, trying to figure out if he was being genuine or not. He sounded genuine. Embarrassment flooded her, her cheeks burning, and she wasn’t sure why. She had done nothing wrong, It wasn’t her fault what had happened. Yet, she wasn’t sure how she felt about Rowan sharing her situation with anyone. She knew he didn’t mean any disrespect by it and, as his closest friend, she was sure he told Lorcan everything. Elide had kind of dropped into their lives out of nowhere. She was sure that Rowan had needed an outlet, someone to talk to about it all.

She did not blame him for sharing.

“Thank you,” she said, at last, and she meant it although she wasn’t sure that she deserved this stranger’s help.

His smile was gone now but there was a passion, an attentiveness in his eye that told Elide that the offer was real.

She didn’t know what it was, but something about Lorcan thrilled her, made her feel safe and protected. Like he really did mean that he wouldn’t let anything happen to her.

She couldn’t figure out why that scared the hell out of her at the same time.

[bokubonk]

happy anniversary

warnings: angst

content: hurt/comfort, angst

characters: Ushijima x gn!reader

date: 2/14/21

word count: 2.1k+

notes: Happy Valentine’s Day, my loves! Let us celebrate with some angst :)) Also I know I said it would be a few more days until I update but I just couldn’t resist writing this one.

You approached your boyfriend once you saw the boys cleaning up after practice. You had been standing outside, waiting for your boyfriend for the past few hours. It was cold, but you didn’t mind, your excitement to celebrate your one year anniversary with Ushijima kept you warm. 

Your freezing hands were wrapped around his gift: a new volleyball. You saw that the one he had been practicing with was getting worn down from how powerful his spikes were and you wanted to get him a new one, knowing how much the sport meant to him. 

You crept into the gym as quietly as you could, not wanting to bother anyone but you saw some of the team members noticed you and they sent you small smiles after they saw the gift you were hiding behind your back. After all, they remembered that today was the date the two of you got together, their stoic captain and you, who somehow managed to put up with Ushijima’s busy schedule and look after the team like they were your own children.

Tendou and Ushijima were on the other side of the gym and you could see Ushijima being hard on himself as usual. Sweat lined his brow as he continued practicing his spikes, the force echoing throughout the gym.

You winced from how loud it was and as you came closer you locked eyes with Tendou, who waved at you and raised his eyebrows at Ushijima, exclaiming, “Oh? Look who it is, lover boy, your beloved y/n is here!”

Ushijima paused to look at you, his eyebrows furrowed and you were unsure of what to make of his expression. You knew your boyfriend wasn’t one to show emotion but the look he was giving you now wasn’t one that you were expecting, especially since today was your anniversary. 

“Go home, y/n,” he said, “I will be staying late today to practice. You should go home now. It isn’t safe to walk around alone at night.”

Your hopeful expression dropped but you tried your best to keep a smile on your face. He turned away from you and Tendou gave you a sympathetic look. It seemed Ushijima had forgotten what today was but you tried comforting yourself, reminding yourself that he was busy and that he had other priorities in his life just like you did. After all, you were both third years and there were plenty of things to worry about.

But, you couldn’t help the sinking feeling in your chest as you wished that just once, he would put more effort into your relationship. You were beginning to grow used to the ache in your chest from all the neglect you endured after Ushijima continued choosing volleyball over your dates. 

He would schedule last minute practices and leave you waiting for hours at the restaurants or the parks he promised to meet you at. You should be used to it by now, but you couldn’t help but hold onto the hope that he would change. 

You believed in his promises and even when he broke them, you told yourself it was okay, because you loved him and because he loved you, even if it didn’t seem that way sometimes.

Your cold hands clenched around his gift, the weight of the volleyball growing heavier as the seconds passed by and the lump in your throat grew. 

“Wakatoshi, I-,” you began, but he cut you off. “I do not have the time right now, y/n.”

“I need to perfect this.”

You moved your gaze away from him and stared at the ground, wishing the floor would open up and swallow you whole. You could feel the pitying gazes of the other team members as they looked at you and you hated how small you felt. 

Today was supposed to be a happy day so where did it all go wrong? What did you do to deserve being treated like this?

“But today is-,” you tried once again, your tears forcing your voice to a whisper.

“You are bothering me,” he interjected, harshly, “I am sure what you have to tell me can wait.”

You gave a small nod and began making your way out of the gym. Footsteps followed after you and for a second, you hoped it was Ushijima but when you heard a voice call your name, you felt the familiar taste of bitter disappointment. 

“Y/n, he’s just having a bad day,” Tendou consoled, his eyes widening when he saw your tear-stained cheeks. “You know he didn’t mean it.”

“Yeah, I know,” you smiled, one that clearly didn’t reach your eyes from how the frown on Tendou’s face deepened. You used the sleeves of your thin jacket to wipe away your tears before extending the gift in your hand. 

“Give it to him for me, will you?” you murmured weakly, “Make sure he doesn’t practice too late and don’t let him overexert himself.”

“No, y/n,” Tendou shook his head. “You should give it to him yourself. I’ll go grab him right now and tell him to walk you home.”

“It’s okay,” you assured him, “I’m not in the mood to celebrate anyway. I just came to drop off his gift.”

“Y/n, I’m sorry,” he frowned, his anger rising as more tears fell from your eyes. He knew how much you were looking forward to celebrating your anniversary and he felt terrible at how you were being treated by Ushijima. He wasn’t blind to all of the sacrifices you made for him and he knew it was time Ushijima stopped taking you for granted. 

“Good night, Tendou.”

The walk home was cold and lonely and you only felt worse when you woke up the next morning with a fever. But you were comforted by all the messages from Tendou and the other members asking how you were doing and interrogating you. They were seconds away from going over to your house because of your lack of response when you assured them you were doing fine and sent them a picture of yourself in bed, saying you had a fever.

Even with the group chat blowing up, there was still no response from Ushijima and you wondered if he just didn’t care. 

Your thoughts were swarmed with insecurities and before you knew it, you were sobbing into your pillow. 

Does he even love me?

You tried remembering a time where he actually said those three words, but you found you couldn’t. A year of dating and “I love you” never escaped his lips. A year of being treated like a second choice. A year of putting his feelings first and getting your heart stomped on.

You were tired and you didn’t know how much longer this cycle of disappointment could go on. 

You were torn out of your thoughts when you heard the front door open and the low murmur of voices before heavy footsteps began approaching your room. You pulled the covers over your head, hiding your messy hair and your swollen face. 

The door creaked as it opened and you peeked through the small opening of the blanket, your mouth dropping in surprise when you saw a large figure standing in your bedroom.

“Ushijima?” you questioned, sitting up abruptly before wincing at your nausea caused by the sudden movement.

He stopped examining all the photos in your room and turned around to face you, his eyes widening when he saw your red-rimmed eyes. He barely registered the fact that you called him by his last name and not his first, his main focus was what made you cry. 

“What’s wrong, y/n?” he asked, worry clearly written on his face. “Why are you crying?”

“Why are you here, Ushijima?” you asked instead, bringing your gaze to your fidgeting fingers, a habit you did when you were nervous.

“You are sick so I brought medicine and food to help you recover,” his eyebrows furrowed at your question and the lack of excitement in your tone when before, you always greeted him with a smile. It was one of his favorite things about you and he was beginning to miss it. 

“Well, as you can see, I’m fine. You can just leave the medicine and go. I wouldn’t want to interfere with your practice,” your tone was harsh and left no room for argument. 

You were angry, Ushijima finally realized. The hurt expression on your face wasn’t one he was used to and he didn’t know how to fix it. His heart shattered as your chin began to tremble and tears trailed down your cheeks. 

He remembered the harsh words he gave you and the fact that he made you walk home alone and he opened his mouth to apologize when he heard you whisper, “Do you even remember what day it was yesterday?”

His silence answered your question and you let out a bitter laugh, sliding back under the covers and turning away from him. “Just go away, Ushijima.”

“Please,” your voice cracked as you held back a sob. 

He stared at your shaking form, a frown tugging at his lips but he listened to you words and exited your room, the door letting a resounding click as it closed.

Despite your words, you hoped he would stay but you figured this was just another disappointment to add to the list. The thought only made you cry more and Ushijima listened just on the other side of the door, wondering what he could do to fix this.

You wondered if this was the end of your relationship and after an hour of crying, you finally fell asleep. By the time you woke up, daylight had faded and your room was now shrouded in darkness. 

You were creeped out by how silent the house was but you figured it was time to get out of bed and get something to eat. You walked downstairs and heard the shuffling of footsteps. 

“Mom?” you called out, now a little nervous that an intruder had somehow gotten in while you were sleeping. 

You tiptoed your way into the living room, only for a scream to lodge itself in your throat as the lights suddenly flickered on. Ushijima stood there in a suit with a cake in his hands. 

“Ushijima?” you gasped, “What are you doing here?”

He placed the cake on a table nearby and walked towards you, cupping your cheeks in between his large hands. You were too surprised to react, still shocked by the fact that he was still here and he hadn’t left. 

“I am sorry, y/n,” he said, his voice soft as he struggled to convey his feelings. “You mean so much to me and I never wanted to hurt you. I didn’t mean to forget our anniversary.”

You came to your senses once you heard his words and you stepped back, letting his hands fall from your face. 

“It’s not just that, Ushijima,” you whispered, “I’m just tired. I’m tired of always being a second choice to volleyball and always putting in all the effort only to receive none in return.”

He thought of all the times he rescheduled your dates or came late because he chose to spend more time practicing and guilt washed over him. Ushijima never realized just how much you did for him. He was blind to your suffering and now he was facing the consequences.

“I will be better,” he promised. There was no hint of hesitation in his voice. He truly meant it and you could feel your walls slowly crumbling once again. “I will be someone who is worthy of you. Just give me a second chance to prove my love to you.”

Your breath caught and time stumbled.

“You love me?”

You didn’t expect him to confess and now that he had, you were completely powerless to stopping yourself from falling for him once again. The ache in your chest was replaced with warmth and you found the smallest of smiles forming on your lips.

“I always have,” he replied, reaching up to rub a thumb across your cheekbone. He leaned down to kiss your forehead before touching his lips to your eyelids. His face was centimeters away from yours when he pulled back, “Can I kiss you?”

You nodded and he pulled you closer. The both of you missed each other and the kiss was soft but desperate. You could feel the familiar butterflies making themselves known as he pulled away and gave you one of his rare smiles, the one he only gave you. “Happy belated anniversary, my love.”

“Happy anniversary, Wakatoshi.”

[jeonfiles]

better left unsaid - jjk

genre: angst, rebounds

pairings: jungkook x reader (ft. namjoon)

warnings: arguing, alcohol, profanity, break ups, light smut, use of drugs, jungkook is a fucking dick, jungkook has major attachment issues, toxic relationships, oc cries a lot, namjoon has a heart of gold, unrequited love

synopsis: you knew you shouldnt have given him that second chance, not the third or the fourth either. no matter how much you try he always slithers his way underneath your sheets, arms wrapped around you.

word count: 2.7k

music: into your arms, so it ends?, you will fade, thinkin bout you, julia, my insecurities not yours, fuck u, goodluck, my dear i will think of you

note: uhh ive never written a y/n fic so bare with me, if u listen to the music you’ll be able to feel the story a lot more so yeah if u have time u should, not proof read

Light coming through the cracks of the blinds, making you squint your eyes when the daylight beams into your eyes, head resting on the kitchen island Looking up, you saw the clock ticking on the wall, 11:32 am.

You had stayed up till 5 am, waiting for him to come home, but seemingly, he never did. Reaching for your phone, you saw 4 missed calls from the one and only,

Jeon Jungkook, saved in your phone as “Koo <3″, Rows of messages too, all from the same contact.

Koo <3 [05:34 am]

baby pkck me up pleseee

im so wsated

Koo <3 [06.46am]

dont be mad at me jsut pick me up

i dont knw hewere the fuck i am

i love you

Koo <3 [07:31 am]

i got a rde home i’ll be home by 12

i need to talk to someone frsit

im sorry if i woke ypu dont be worried

You took a few moments to collect your thoughts, but there wasn’t much to collect. This whole thing, was a routine by now.

Standing up to make yourself a cup of coffee, you could literally not feel your own backside, you were so sore from the barstool you had been sitting on all night, and it made you groan in pain.

Two coffee cups right beside the kitchen sink, which you couldn’t bring yourself to clean up, because it was from the last time you had coffee together, which was 2 weeks ago.

The inside of the cup had a coffee crust at the top, and both your lip tint marks on the outside.

When you finish your cup of coffee while watching a bad telenovela, you go sit in your favorite chair and pull out a few books from the backpack hanging on the chair next to you, getting ready to get some studying done.

For a few seconds you imagine Jungkook hanging over your shoulder laughing at the way you write your A-s and R-s, or the way you always sign your homework at the bottom of the page.

And when you open them, there’s no one there. The only sound is from the refrigerator, making refrigerator noises.

You had met Jungkook 3 years ago, when you were at college orientation, senior year of high school. He also wanted to attend Yonsei, just like you.

And when he whispered to you about how bored he was, you couldn’t help but giggle, and then you got yelled at.

It was worth it though, because everyone was jealous of you afterwards,the  Jeon Jungkook had talked to you.

Jungkook was an all-rounder as they called it; great physique, intelligent, charismatic and great at sports.

And god, he had a beautiful face, and such a filthy mouth, and it didn’t go long before you gave in to his seductive ways and slept with him. The morning after, he wasn’t in bed with you, and your heart sank.

Luckily, he was in the kitchen making you breakfast.

It was all bliss from there, showering you with love, gifts and kisses for two years, and you even ended up moving in together.

And now? You barely remember what he sounds like, smells like and is like.

A distant memory, just as distant as him.

Your train of thought was suddenly interrupted as you heard 3 knocks on your door. The exact same way he had always knocked when he had forgotten (or lost) his keys.

And even though you should have let him suffer a little, you rushed to the door to open it, and in front of you, was your biggest nightmare.

It was your love, crying his eyes out, bleeding from one of many cuts on his face, looking nearly dead. He collapsed into your arms, and you could only utter a few words, along the lines of:

“How could you do this to us?”

As he was laying curled up in a ball on the couch, face plastered up, ice bag on his knee, wrapped up in a blanket, you realized. this was your que to cry.

So, you did. You cried in silence, sitting across the room from him. You weren’t mad at him for coming home late, or getting in another fight, probably the 5th just these past months, you had gotten used to that by now.

There was a whole other reason that made you cry.

He smelled like Victorias Secret Bombshell, you recognized the scent because it used to be your favorite,  however, now you’ve moved onto something less sweet, and more elegant, like Caroline Herrera.

He smelled like someone who wasn’t you, his girlfriend.

He smelled like another girl.

It didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would. Maybe because the Jungkook that had come home to you that morning wasn’t your Jungkook.

Your Jungkook was varsity jackets, star of the american football team (which your school was known for), selfless and humorous, and he would always take care of you.

Your Jungkook was not ungroomed hair, cigarettes and worsening grades. He was not cold and lifeless, and he would never make you cry.

Despite this, you were carding your fingers though his hair, thumb wiping away the blood on his lips while he was sound asleep as you slowly fell asleep next to him.

Maybe it was time to let him go. 

Maybe.

You woke a few hours later from your phone vibrating.

Kim Namjoon (school) [07:01 pm]

Hey Y/N! Have you started working on the statistics assignment?

If you haven’t, would you be interested in meeting at the library tomorrow? You’re really smart and i’m kinda struggling ://

You [07:03 pm]

i finished it yesterday, but if you buy me coffee i’ll come help you hehe

Kim Namjoon (school) [07:04 pm]

You’re the best, I’ll bring you a machiatto!! :D

Maybe it would be nice for you to get out of the house, even though you hate the thought of it, and you would much rather just swim in your own sorrow.

But you did go out the next day, and you helped Namjoon get a decent grade, enough to pass with good margines, he thanked you by taking you out for ramen at a convenial store not too far away.

You thanked him for the ramen with a trip to the museum, and he thanked you for the museum trip with a picnic in the park at night, which led you to crying over Jungkook in his embrace, telling him every single little detail.

He made you realize it was time to let Jungkook go and make room for new people to enter your life.

You went home that night, and you found Jungkook passed out on the couch, and you could genuienly feel your chest tighten. Soft features which stood out under the moonlight glow, disheveled brown locks which hung down in his eyes.

He was gorgeous, until you saw the credit card on the table next to three bottles of soju and an empty beer can on the floor. And you knew what he had used the credit card for, though you didn’t want to say it out loud.

You cleaned everything up, and you threw the residue of the white powder right in the trash can, and you recycled his bottles and cans before finally, nudging him to wake up.

“Jungkook, wake up.” You spat coldly, or at least you attempted to.

He groaned, rubbing his eyes before opening his eyes, and s huge smile on his face. “Y/N, you’re home!” He reached to kiss you, but you backed away.

“Y/N?” Jungkook questioned, he didn’t quite understand what your intentions were.

“Don’t try anything Jungkook. This was your last chance, and you fucked it up, again.” The room turned ice cold. “I’m getting you help Jungkook, you need help. And then...”

He understood what kind of help you meant, and since he had now sobered up, he agreed, nodding. “And then...?” 

“And then.” Your words were ludged in your throat. “And then I’m leaving you.”

His whole face dropped, smile turned into the frowniest frown you had ever seen, and it was all silent before his lower lip starts trembling, and his eyes start turning glassy.

“It’s alright. Sorry for burdening you.” Was all he could say before tears rushed down his cheeks, and he started shaking.

So you did what you always had done, and you wrapped your arms around him, head resting on your chest as he sobbed.

“Is there anyone else?” he cried out before another wave of sobs hit him.

This exact question made your stomach hurt, and your throat burn. You really had no idea.

Or you did, but you didn’t want to.

You loved Jungkook so much, but you couldn’t be with him in this state. So you did what every rational person would do in this situation.

“Yeah.”

You lied.

“Oh ok. I don’t have the right to be mad do I?”

You shake your head no.

“I love you Y/N. I’m sorry I’m so messed up.”

“It’s ok.” was all he said before he fell asleep in your arms again.

That night you slither your way out of his embrace and you pack your suitcase in the dark, bringing all your essentials, trying to be as quiet as possible so you didn’t wake Jungkook.

Packing enough for two weeks or so, you make the bed and leave your t-shirt “accidentally” in the bathroom, and you make sure all his clothes are folded, and then you sort his pencil case, throwing out old pens and worn out erasers.

You leave a grocery list on the counter, and you tuck him in good under the blankets after you took his jeans and socks off so he could sleep comfortably.

You placed his vitamins and medicine by the refrigerator so he’ll see it when he goes to grab something to eat. 

Puffed up pillows, a pair of sweatpants, t-shirt and underwear is now placed neatly on his bed. Then you walk into the kitchen again, and you see Jungkook still sound asleep, sniffling a little still.

There’s one last thing, and it makes you cry. It makes you sob so loud you cover your mouth and muffle the sound you make. Sinking to the floor, your whole body is in contact with the cold tiles.

Only a year ago you could never imagine yourself even shedding a single tear over something as small as this, but here you were, on the edge of a panic attack.

Two worn out, matching couple mugs still placed by the counter. one if the first things you two had bought together, as well as the necklace hanging around your neck.

Finally, you stopped crying and started cleaning the mugs, lip trembling as you dried them and placed them in the back of the cabinet.

You unhooked your necklace and laid it down on the counter, and the biggest lump formed in your throat.

Actually, there’s a little detail you forget. 

You kiss Jungkook on the forehead and leave a note on the coffee table.

“Dear Jungkook,

If you want to make this up to me (this does not mean a new chance!!) you call the number at the bottom of the page. No matter what happens, I’ll always have room for you in my heart. You even have your own little VIP lobby in there. And - if it’s urgent, call. I still care for you, and I always have. You were the best boyfriend I’ve had, but good things always come to and end, don’t they? Anyways, I’m tired so this letter fucking sucks, but deep down you know how much I love you. Remember to get groceries, shower, get fresh air and study. If I forgot something you can keep it, as long as you call the number and tell them you’re my friend. They’ll help you love. Try and get a part time job too, your student loan and your dad’s money won’t last forever. Good luck Koo. Hwaiting!!

-L/N Y/N <33″

You cringe when you think of the letter’s contents, before you roll out your suitcase out of the front door, whispering a faint “Goodnight Love.” as you close and lock the door behind you.

Standing by the elevator, you cry again. This time, louder, but you still reach for your phone and type out a text to the newly edited contact in your phone.

You [02:13 am]

coming outside now, im a crying mess and im super cold, is your car heated?

sorry for making you wait btw :((

Joonie <3 [02:13 am]

dont worry about the crying part, i’ll hold you. and yeah car is heated, so waiting here wasnt all that bad. you ready for this?

You  [02:14 am]

i have no idea but i cant stay here any longer and i trust you sooo

lets start our new chapter. eh?

4 months later...

He had been good to you, great even.

You had been on expensive dates, picnics, had heart to heart conversations, and he’d been so understanding.

Today, it was your 2 month anniversary, and he had asked you on a magnificent date, which he had planned every second of.

At the end of the day, you told him how you don’t love him. He said it was alright. Namjoon loved you, so much, yet he understood you needed time.

You went to sleep that day, warm in Namjoon’s embrace, wondering how Jungkook was doing. 

You felt bad, but you missed Jungkook.

You were both with someone new now, and you knew he was in good hands with someone stable enough to care for him.

Before your eyes closed shut, you shed a few quiet tears and hoped that you’d fall in love with Namjoon soon, and deep down you knew you would.

[missymurphy1985]

The Heartache - Part 3 (Cillian Murphy X wife!reader)

This is written from Cillian's POV. His wife has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, writing this diary is his wife's suggestion, something to help him cope.

If this is something that upsets you, I won't be offended if you don't read it, and I'll remove you from the taglist with no hard feelings at all 💜

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @peakyciills @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @misscarolineshelby @screemqueen @peaky-cillian @misselsbells06 @datewithgianni @heidimoreton @jardinsecos @bitchwhytho @gypsy-girl-08 @queenofkings1212 @alreadybroken-ts @look-at-the-soul

Been a while again.. sorry.

It's been a bit mad, easily the worst two weeks of our lives. Between school runs, Ava's football practice, her gymnastics, and hospital visits, yeah. It's been chaotic.

She came home on the Friday evening, and we had a long weekend ahead waiting for the biopsy results on the Monday. She was under orders to remain in bed all weekend. She needed to pee? I helped her. She needed a drink/food? I brought it up to her. She needed company? Ava would sit and read to her.

She hated it. For the first time since the diagnosis, she felt low. Lower than she ever had in her life. Like she was simply existing. Life became a spectator sport - she could watch from the sidelines but never get involved.

Sunday night, we were lying in bed after Ava had gone to sleep. I lay behind her with her gently propped up between my legs and my arms around her body, her favourite snuggle position when we watch TV in bed. The TV wasn't on this time though, she just wanted to lie with me and talk.

And she said six words that destroyed me.

"What if I don't make it?"

My whole body tensed up, I felt like I'd been hit with a sledgehammer.

"You're not going anywhere, babe. Not while I've still got breath in my body."

"Cillian I'm serious. We have to be realistic."

I'm so ashamed of how I reacted, I can't even put into words how much. I moved from behind her slowly and eased her back down onto the pillows and walked out of the room, closing the door behind me. I couldn't face it. I couldn't face her. I couldn't face her leaving me. Leaving Ava.

I leaned against the closed door and sunk to the floor. My knees to my chest, I hugged them like a fucking baby. My head on my knees, biting my lip to stop my own tears falling. I could hear hers through the wood, but I was frozen to the spot. I couldn't move. It was like my body had shut down and refused to cooperate.

The agony in my chest was overwhelming, and the realisation of what I'd just done hit me like a slap in the face (if I believed in ghosts I could have sworn that was my Gran, giving me a good hiding for being a dickhead). I have never rushed back into a room so quick in my life.

We cried together for I don't know how long, with no words exchanged. Just looks of pure adoration and love, followed by more tears, gentle embraces. Small kisses. Strokes of the other's cheeks...

We must have fallen asleep at some point, my phone alarm ringing at 6:30am woke me up to get Ava ready for school.

I reached for Lucy to give her a morning kiss like I always do and she didn't move. I kissed her again.

Nothing.

The panic, man, I can't tell you... I've never felt fear like it. I've never, ever felt fear like it. I called an ambulance, and checked she was breathing - thankfully she was...

Paramedics were there within minutes, it was as if they were parked outside, they were so quick... Ava woke up when they came through and she saw them go into our bedroom. I wish, more than anything, I could take that memory away from her, no 7 year old wants to see that..

I let the paramedics tend to Lucy while I took Ava downstairs, and called my brother to let her know I'd be dropping her off - he'd take her to school for me. I tried to brush the whole thing off with her, that the paramedics were here to give mama some medicine after her big operation last week, they forgot to give it to her when she left hospital. Everything was fine.

Thank fuck I'm an actor...

Paddy's wife, Marie, arrived within about ten minutes, bless her, and took Ava away. She made me promise to keep her updated before hugging me as tight as she could.

I was about to head back upstairs when one of the paramedics stopped me on the stairs, leading me back down them, his hand on my shoulder. A look in his eyes I didn't understand.

"We've managed to stabilise her, but she isn't awake yet. We'll take her in. It could be sepsis, so we need to move quickly. You won't be able to come in the ambulance Mr Murphy, do you drive?"

************************************************************

And that brings us to today. Two weeks to the day since her hysterectomy. And she's still in hospital.

We had the results from the biopsies but we didn't need them. We already knew.

The reason she fell unconscious was nothing to do with sepsis. Her kidneys were failing. In fact, most of her organs were failing.

It had spread. It was in her liver, kidneys and her spine.

There's nothing we can do now.

Not a fucking thing.