#sorry i needed to scream to the void about this

[niredsw]

okay here goes nothing please dont be mad at me for this afterwards

i am so fucking tired of feeling left out in every. single. friendgroup. i'll ever have.

i just cant stop thinking "what if they hate me secretly" "they probably laugh behind me" "they probably talk about how annoying and stupid i am when im not there" and this one is pretty stupid but "what if they have another groupchat that im not in and they talk there all day and thats why they never talk to me" i know people said it a million times but i really cant stop thinking like this.

(you have every right to be mad for this part its not even a big thing why am i sad over this)

just today a new friend of mine decided to co peletely ignore my existence and talk with another friend of hers, and thats okay, really, she has other friends and i have other friends aswell, its okay. the thing is i went to her class to talk to her and she just walked beside me, exitted her class and went to mine to talk with her another friend. i know im short but like she shoul've seen me right? i dont know this feels so stupid when i say it out loud

then theres the server, dont get me wrong please i love every one of you so much its just im not active 24/7 and that makes me feel left out. there are certain people who are active all day or people that are loved by everyone and even if they wont answer for days everyone is always having fun with them, i know im not the best friend a person can ask for but i'm really trying my best and i just want to be loved the same amount as i love people, do i really want so much? its really stupid, really, but fuck it no one would probably even see this so fuck it we ball

today when the staff was talking about if we should invite someone or not, everyones opinion was asked, the people that didnt respond were tagged, but i wasnt. this is really really stupid but it just made me feel horrible, like i didnt matter

yeah i know its pretty stupid.

im just too scared that people will lost interest in me one day and i'll just be forgotten, ignored, not important anymore. im so scared we will have a huge fight over something stupid i said and never talk again, then after a few months someone will mention my name and people will just say "we were friends once, never liked her anyways"

i know its really stupid its just how i feel

i fucking hate my attachment issues. i spam people a lot amd then get sad when they dont respond, and i dont even know why i do it myself

im just an obsessive idiot whos always scared of people leaving her. but i never realize how annoying and stupid i sound and then i get sad when they leave me, even tho the signs were super obvious that we were drifting away

im sorry this is stupid i dont need any help i just needed to scream to the void

[screeching-kitten]

tma ramble time. sorry i just started it and i already have a lot od feelings about it. (im at episode 48)

my feelings about jon are really,,,, on the one hand i want to mock him, on the other i want to be aware of his traumatic experiences and on my secret third hand i am Jesus Fucking Christ-ing at him. like. "oh no i can't trust anyone in my team i need to explore the tunnels alone just me and my three flashlights. Im not spying on anyone just asking a lot of questions and keeping track of them and using a secret second recorder and installing cameras because im- worried about their mental health. yeah that."

It took One (1) episode for Jon's carefully skeptical persona to crumble. "You didn't die here did you" oh i see. i see how it is.

i love martin and tim, oh my god tim. statement of joe spooky regarding sinister happening.

i keep being like "ofc i can listen to this horror podcast in my dark lightless room and not be scared. oh no. i got spooked by the spooky statements."

Michael. Michael is very cool im really interested to understand more about..... him. it? yeah idk he just sounds cool and also he talked about its identity and it was very my gender. or absence of it therefore.

[that-ineffable-devil]

I know I already posted about this but it was on a reblog that I think got buried under the original and I need someone else to lose their mind with me.

So the wonderful human that commented on this post about Hell's understaffing problem made me rethink something that I think a lot of us are sleeping on: Hell is RATIONING something.

At the beginning of S2 in between other remarks, Shax mentions that Beelzebub has put some lower ranking demons "on half rations." But we know celestials and infernals generally don't eat, so surely it's not food, right?

So what could they be rationing?

And then I remembered how both Heaven and Hell keep close tabs on the miracles done by Crowley and Aziraphale on Earth--even the little things.

And how, in S1, Hastur is stuck in Hell waiting for "maintenance" to come fix a leak in the ceiling. It's played off as a joke and it's something that would be so mundane for a human in an office or apartment building, so we don't give it much thought... But they can do miracles. They could literally fix that with a snap. We've seen Crowley fix the Bentley, so surely a little leak is nothing.

And Aziraphale gets reprimanded for doing "too many frivolous miracles," which we initially ignore because it's exactly the kind of bureaucratic/corporate BS we'd expect from Heaven and Hell.

But what if it's not just BS?

What if the power sources used by angels and demons are not infinite? Worse, what if they're not replenishable?

What if Hell is rationing miracles, because there's not enough power to go around?

And if so, where's the power coming from?

[venice-1987]

Soren deserves to have a little breakdown in season 7. As a treat.

[goldengrecha]

Today I'm thinking about manga versions of Maxie and Archie, because it's something... I even dont have words for it. Like. Holy fucking shit.

In the beginning, of course, they're confront each other - that's the classic, they're rivals after all, standing for different things and all that things. They're different. They're opposites. They're still strongly exist in each other lives, because of their conflict.

But then

This happens. And this IS beginning of the end, because of course they're working together - and at the moment it looks like it is only for benefits for their goals, nothing else. They will destroy each other when they will get to finish.

They're fucking irritating(/pos), it almost feels like they're drawn to each other, in any scenario, their destiny is to meet, to exist in each other lives. None of them exist alone (and when one of them do exist alone, it means that something went terribly wrong).

AND THEN THINGS JUST GO EVEN WORSE (/pos)

This panel. I don't know where to start.

Do I need start with that they're realizing they work together perfectly? Do I start with that this making them thinking they needed to work together from the beginning? Do I start with that two men, who, up until this point, was fighting with each other and conflicting, hating each other, founded in each other the best partner they ever could have? Do I start with that they're probably the best persons in each other lives?

It is already very emotional (at least for me), but with how story goes on, they're connecting more and more, becoming even more emotionally fucked up.

AND THEN THERE IS EMERALD ARC???? CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT EMERALD ARC???????

There is so much going on in emerald arc I barely can find words for describing my emotions.

This is the fucking tragedy. Because, what do you mean, they're put in situation where is only one of them can leave alive for some more time? (Remember how I said that if only ONE if them exist it means that some shit is going to happen something going to go really terrible. It either them both exist or them both don't).

What do you mean Archie is literally killed Maxie, just for chance of living a little longer?

And this is tragedy, because Archie, in the end, loses again. And now, not only he does lose in literal sense - he didn't achieve his goal, after all. He loses everything he had - his team, his life, and most importantly, he loses his only friend. He is all alone now.

Ah yeah can we talk about

This?

It's just one phrase. It has so much in it.

Not only he calls Maxie friend, not only he confess that Maxie probably the only one person which Archie was thinking as a friend, but also like.

Consider this: this isn't oras archie yet. This version of archie is cold, closed and gloomy, genuinely intimidating person. He doesn't care about his team members, it is kind of okay for him to use them as tools (which, ironically, shows even in this interaction with Maxie: after all, Archie still killed him for a chance of living a bit longer. And Archie acknowledging that he betrayed Maxie. He betrayed his only one friend). He is a cold person, but it almost seems like Maxie managed to warm him up a bit, just a little bit. This is actually incredible and, again, endlessly emotional, and I still can't stress this enough. Holy fucking shit.

Just imagine Archie at this point. Imagine, because, the best person in his life always was his rival. His rival, and maybe, even friend.

And I told about this before, but can we talk about that in distorted world they became one? It's just so symbolic. Like, Archie and Maxie from beginning were opposites, they was supporting opposite things, their goals was completely opposite. But they can't choose only one of this, because everything around them is a combination of different, sometimes opposite things. Like even the land and water in Hoenn! Exactly this combination of land and water create Hoenn as we know it, and how they know it. And they, people, who choosed only one of these things, in the end, became the one themselves - isn't this ironic? Isn't this funny? Isn't it symbolic in some way? (I also fucking love how this fusion explain in some way why when oras hits, Maxie is more like original Archie, and Archie more like original Maxie. They had explored each other minds I'm sure of it)

And finally, ORAS, part that I love the most.

Not only they both was given chance of living again, but this is literally their peak. They're working together again - and by that I mean they're working perfectly together.

They even acknowledge it themselves:

And this is so good in contrast with Ruby and Sapphire arc - back then, they too, realized and started to think they're work perfectly together, but it still was mixed with some evil fucked up shit, but here? They're working together because they (ironically), have the same goal. And they're helping each other.

They're working together perfectly, this is so good for them. And no evil bullshit this time! It's actually best versions of them in some way - because they're working together, for sake both of humanity and pokemon. They working towards happiness and safety for everyone, not choosing and prioritizing only one of them.

And they're talking to each other as if they was old friends, partners, every one of their interactions shines with this somewhat warm feeling. This is so good for them. I would even dare to say that ORAS part was the happiest moments in their lives.

And.. Then end of ORAS hits.

And, again, as classic already, it's a small panel, but how much here is.

First of all, can I point that Archie died two times, and both times he was thinking of Maxie in some way?

And both times is some kind of emotional moment for Archie: first time, he calls Maxie friend (he doesn't call him by name, but. He obviously talking about him COME ON), and second time he ask Maxie, if he would want to work together again, if they will have chance to do so. I just love seeing this progression, how Maxie became more and more dear person for Archie as time goes on, how he became more attached to him. And Maxie does too!

It is such an incredible moment filled with so much emotions, with so much sense. I love how Archie doesn't even say his question fully, but Maxie still understands him. Of course he does, because, I'm sure, even if Archie didn't ask this, Maxie still would think of it. I'm sure if none of them said this, they still would understand this wish to work together again that they both have. At this point, they are incredibly connected together, and they have only each other.

I also love this moment, because when Archie died first time, he was told that, if he will continue like this, he will end up all alone. And Archie agrees to that: he answer in the way that he is already accepted that he is alone now, and he doesn't even have Maxie by his side (I still can't get over that he really highlighted him in this speech holy fucking shit). BUT then, when he appears next time, he appears as ORAS self, and his ORAS self is very different from what he was, not only as a person, but his motivation is different, too.

He changed in some way. And he ISN'T alone, because now, Maxie is by his side again. And I can't stop thinking about how happy it probably made Archie.

And even dying, he is calm, because he isn't alone. He have Maxie by his side. His only friend.

[iiep-wop]

Not to get sentimental on main but I actually love the Tumblr Red Dwarf fandom so much

I've not been here the longest, I will admit, in the time I've been here everyone I've chatted to or interacted with has been so sweet. I don't think I've ever seen any massive discourses or arguments (actually I don't think I've seen any on here(Tumblr specifically), but that's just cause I don't think I am good at noticing when drama happens haha)

And there's almost never ending fanart's and theory's which you can find from years ago, buried in the site which means that although at the moment theres maybe 30 of us (at a stretch) who'd consider ourselves to be part of the fandom, there's still so much to explore and find

There's so many talented people creating gorgeous art, comics, edits or fics and I feel so lucky to be able to know you guys, genuinely y'all are amazing

We're all just a bunch of silly little guys enjoying our stupid silly space sitcom <33

[0xeyedaisy]

Ithink i hauve covid

[ratland-art]

so the mha manga finally ended and it was as mid as I was expecting (haha mid hero academia) but coincidentally I received the news on the same night I ranted to my friends about how I kinda popped off with this fanfic I uploaded to ao3 when I was bored in my senior year and basically what I’m saying is-

life is short and I can do whatever I want but I wanna make a webcomic (?) building off of those few chapters I posted using or like? reclaiming the characters as my own? I’ve seen some people literally just repurpose the designs/backstories as their own as a kind of “fuck you horikoshi” and that’s so based but idk if I wanna do that or do my own thing entirely.

because YES I agree wholeheartedly I’ve just never made a decision in my life and I won’t start now. (I will likely make my decision when I’m bored at work tomorrow, I just need to rant now lol)

like yes obviously I do have original ideas and designs I’d like to use but also so much of my original concept is rooted in the mha universe that it’d be difficult to have that degree of separation entirely? one of the most infuriating things to me about mha (aside from the obviously problematic elements) was the excellent concepts and horrible execution so part of this is just me going “fine, I’ll do it myself.”

if this gets enough attention I’ll spill more ideas but for now I’m eepy and just needed to scream into the void about the creative limbo I’m in rn

[incorrect-futbol-quotes]

Pedri: Gavi is a perfect cinnamon roll who’s never done anything wrong in his entire life!

Robert: Never done anything wrong?! He set a city block on FIRE!

[twistedappletree]

i love when i (understandably) freak out over things that happen in life (my car breaking down and getting kicked out of my rental so the owner can sell it and having to find a new place in the shittiest market ever where barely anything is available and saving for an astronomical down payment while still having to pay the rent for the place i’m getting kicked out of) people are like “oh well things are looking up now that all that’s over with right?? so there’s no reason to be stressed anymore”

no.

fucking no patricia, it’s not over, it’s not okay, i am still stressed, i’m literally crying in my car everyday. i cry at work, i cry at the grocery store, i cry in the club, i cry fucking everywhere i cannot stop fucking CRYING because i’m constantly living on the edge of “what’s next?” because there will be something fucking next. there’s always something next.

[bi-disastersoup]

Shifters - Part 2

I realize it has been almost a whole year since I posted part 1. I did some experimenting to see if I could get it all into one post this time instead of having to do two separate posts. Hopefully the formatting goes through okay...

Also, this probably goes without saying, but this was all done pre-DT.

Part 1

God I hope that posted in the right order lol

Anyway, I'm trying to work on crossposting stuff again. Wish me luck.

(Part 3)

[tardis--dreams]

There's been interesting developments at work and i need to do a lot of work for university so i think tonight is the Perfect time to finish beyond evil

[rabbitsonthemoon]

So was anyone going to tell me that Morio Kishimoto tweeted last year about the possibility of Mephiles appearing again in a mainline game or was I just supposed to randomly stumble over this information at 10:30pm on a Thursday.

Crappy Google translate, go!

I know this is like, the smallest hecckin thing, but after twelve years of believing that Mephiles appearing anywhere near mainstream ever again was nothing but wishful thinking, this is giving me dreams.

[reigningmax]

But then he or she will not be ready for Formula 1 in six or seven years, haha. I definitely want children and if they want to race, that’s fine. I do think I would do it differently than how my father and I did it. I don’t really see that way at the moment. But for me it’s easy to talk because I don’t have kids. Maybe I will think very differently when the time comes. But the passion he had went very far. He did everything for me. Tuning engines, preparing karts. I don’t see myself doing that. In any case, I’m not going to push my kids to race. They have to want it themselves. And if you do go all out for it with your son or daughter, I don’t think you can drive Formula 1 yourself anymore. You have to start laying the foundation from the age of four. I want to be there myself.

Max Verstappen on having his own children, and whether or not he wants them to race | December, 2022

[iiep-wop]

Right but how come I get butterflies at fictional couples and ships but I don't get butterflies about people

Like I feel silly and giddy whenever I see fictional couples I adore and my stomach goes all twisty but how come that doesn't happen to me when I think about people in real life, people I know, people my brain is telling me I should have a crush on but I get none of the romantic feelings for

It's not fair, why does my brain want romance and affection and love so much but everything feels wrong and definitely not the way it should feel when someone feels romance. Like it just feels like normal, nothing different happens

Maybe it's not helped by the fact that I've never experienced a relationship before? Maybe that's the problem? How do I know that I don't feel romance if I've never had a relationship before, especially when my brain is set on the romance.

But it's just so stupid, why can't my body decide whether it wants romance or not

[sga-owns-my-soul]

lol ignore this 🙃

i can't stop crying at work because everything in my life is going wrong and this stupid shit with my stupid cousin and family is upsetting me so much and it shouldn't be and i feel so fucking stupid for being bothered by this bc it's what i wanted!!! but no i'm wrong again and this time they're just all fully cutting me off and i'm working non fucking stop and still can't afford anything bc the world is going to absolute fucking shit and i'm just so sick of feeling like i can't do anything right ever and i've been feeling suicidal every fucking day for an entire fucking MONTH because of everything and my cousin was who i always reached out to when things got bad and i fucking can't because SHES NOT TALKING TO ME and i'm going to cry AGAIN FUCK

i'm so sick of this

i'm so sick of falling apart because of my family

i'm so sick of never being good enough

i'm so sick of feeling like this

i'm so fucking tired