#sorry i need to tell you this. i need this win rn lmao

[abba-enthusiast]

I kinda slayed today, ngl

[ajdrawshq]

so. in order to progress ur relationship with Akechi. he actually takes u down to mementos, alone, and challenges u to beat the shit out of him with Lethal Intent. which is very likely mutual. ohh this kid is on a whole other level huh

[priniya]

ᯓᡣ𐭩 GORGEOUS! ᡣ𐭩ᯓ

pairing. oscar piastri x leclerc!reader

summary. the youngest leclerc was known to be an outgoing, extroverted menace, but suddenly when she meets the new mclaren driver, she does something she never does — gets embarrassing.

notes. a fair warning for the google translated french.im sorry if it sucks 😭😭 its my first time doing something like this and i really hope u like it :3 ALSO??? OSCAR WIN IN BAKU WAS SO BEAUTIFUL THE OVERTAKE?? THE DEFENDING?? a great day for piastrination!!!!! (can you tell i totally dig x leclerc!reader??) send requests for more smaus pls :)

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, arthur_leclerc and 127 621 others.

yourusername spreading the rbr agenda on the streets of kyoto, because your girl finally graduated journalism and engineering with honours!

view all comments!

arthur_leclerc charles just saw the jacket and had an aneurysm LMAO

user1 someone check on leclerc pls

charles_leclerc cant believe my OWN baby sister wears that in public

yourusername ill take it off once ferrari releases their own energy drink 👍

alexandrasaintmleux gorgeous as usual ❤️

yourusername please dump my brother and date me instead

yourusername please i beg you

yourusername JUST ONE CHANCE 😭😭😣😣😣😭😭

user2 yn is one of us

maxverstappen1 looking good in blue! 💙

loved by author!

yourbff girl land that job or you gon go broke soon with that red bull addiction 👎👎👎

user3 atp yn is sponsoring the team 😭

yourbff you bet she is, girl

user4 double major in such different things pop off queen

user5 need to see her in paddock cos i know the girl is bout to argue with ferrari engineers

yourusername bin*tto left ferrari cos he knew i would drag him down 😁😁😁

user6 love how we had to go thru the 2023 drought without the baby leclerc and now shes baaaack

user7 fr i missed the times when ferrari wasnt the only thing making charles miserable

user7 congratulations on graduating queen!!!! cant wait for the new vid or to see u at one of the races 🥺

user8 im sorry im really new to f1 stuff who is she and why are the drivers here? 😭

user9 this is charlies sister yn!! but she has her youtube channel where she used to post a lot of diff stuff! shes been living in japan for the past four years of her undergrad degrees but due to the workload she had a hiatus for a year 💔💔 u should check out her channel its so cool

arthur_leclerc

liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri and 320 612 others.

arthur_leclerc good day in monaco today, changing professions to a photographer rn, what u think of that?

view all comments!

user10 arthur you had one job to bring your sister to paddock…

user11 its just friday girl calm down

yourusername please restrain yourself from posting pictures of that ugly face you see in the mirror

yourusername …WHO IS IN THE SECOND SLIDE

yourusername ARTHUR ANSWER ME

yourusername my ovaries are quacking rn ARTHUR ANSWER ME

user12 not yn simping over oscar AND calling arthur ugly 😭😭😭

user13 shes so me tbh

charles_leclerc such a handsome man on the third slide 🔥🔥🔥

olliebearman why is yn tweaking like that 😭

yourusername cos he’s so pretty

oscarpiastri you were supposed to send me the picture not POST IT

user14 this is the guy yourusername 🔥‼️‼️

yourusername omg hes SO gorgeous

oscarpiastri thank you…?

arthur_leclerc yourusername please stop embarrassing the family name

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, alex_albon and 101 892 others.

yourusername a quick pit stop in paris before the monaco course is broken!!!!!! (source: trust me bro 🙂‍↕️) drinking for my pookie dookiest brother to secure that pole and p1 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

view all comments!

yourusername dont let the caption fool you, i am NOT stopping drinking vodka red bull to make sure rbr doesn’t lose their biggest sponsor (me)

maxverstappen1 ty for your service 🫡🫡

yourusername no prob pookie, lecfosi by association but a red bull girlie at heart 😌😌

yourusername big thanks to the autocorrect ❤️❤️❤️ youre the real one babe 🔥🔥🔥

user15 wait till she realises oscar is in the likes…

user16 ohh the girl is gonna be so messy 😭😭😭

user16 im all for it tho 🔥

lilymhe WHAT A GORGEOUS GORGEOUS GIRL

alexandrasaintmleux face card is never denied!

user17 oscar in the likes 🥹🥹

yourusername WHO IS IN THE LIKES??????

yourusername NOO OH MY GOD HES HERE

yourusername HI YOURE SUPER CUTE oscarpiastri

user18 SHE TAGGED HIM LOL

user19 she really want that dick…

yourusername i just think hes cute that is NOT a crime

oscarpiastri i think you’re really cute too :)

yourusername HXJSKSJJDBDJSJS

yourusername sorry a red bull ran across my screen 😭

arthur_leclerc yourbff please tell her she’s not as slick as she thinks she is

twitter

user20 what do you expect 😭😭 she probably partied all night before getting to monaco

user21 LMAOO RIGHT??? but if you watched her vids you know that the girl LOVES an opportunity for a party

user22 yn stronger than me because i’d kiss him on the spot

user23 alr weirdo… they JUST met

user24 he is probably weirded out like imagine meeting a girl who SIMPS over you in the insta comments… she needs to chill

user25 he won’t pick you 👎👎

user26 gtfo if he was weirded out he wouldnt be in the likes of her post or sayin he thinks shes cute lol

user27 the real gentleman out there 🥹🥹

user28 i need them together asap

user29 super delulu but i totally dig the golden retriever gf x polite black cat bf

user30 OMGGG I TOTALLY SEE THE VISION

user31 pls they just met and he was just being polite 👎 stop trying to get into their lives

yourusername

liked by scuderiaferrari, charles_leclerc and 428 621 others.

yourusername HE DID IT!!!! I TOLD YALL THAT HE WOULD DO IT!!! MY BROTHER WINS IN MONACO. DONT HIT US UP FOR THE NEXT WEEK OR TWO!!! ITS CELEBRATION TIME!!!! aussi, charlie, il n'y a pas beaucoup de mots capables d'exprimer à quel point je suis fier de toi. vous l'avez fait et personne ne peut vous l'enlever.

view all comments!

priniya translation! also, charlie — there isn’t an amount of words able to express how proud i am of you. you did it and no one can take it away from you.

user32 girlie might tell everyone she’s a red bull girl, but like the king sebastian once said, everyone is a ferrari fan even when they say they’re not or something like that 🔥🔥🔥

user33 CONGRATULATIONS CHARLES!!! FINALLY WON!!!

carlossainz55 ay cropped my ‘carlos p3’ out 😖😖

yourusername this is a celebration post for my pookiest brother you are IRRELEVANT rn

carlossainz55 that was harsh

yourusername win YOUR home race and i’ll post one 4 u 👍👍

charles_leclerc je t’aime mon lutin ❤️

yourusername je t’aime mon coco 🫶🫶🫶

oscarpiastri congratulations to the man of the day, such an honour to stand next to you on the podium xx

arthur_leclerc man you gotta stop commenting on her posts, she’s going insane rn

oscarpiastri i’m sorry…?

yourusername NO DONT BE SORRY DONT LISTEN TO HIM IM COMPLETELY SANE

yourusername oscarpiastri please keep interacting with me i’m gonna die if you listen to arthur

oscarpiastri i guess i gotta text you now and then to make sure you don’t die

yourusername please do that

user34 do they know we can see that??

user35 idc im eating this up

user36 oscaryn truthers rise and shine

user37 atp i cant tell if hes interested or if hes doing that for his own entertainment

user38 probably both

user39 i LOVE how a celebration post for charles turned into an opportunity to flirt with oscar 😭😭

user40 she is NOT stronger than me because if i had a chance i’d took it

user41 setting her priorities straight

oscarpiastri

liked by landonorris, yourusername and 792 721 others.

oscarpiastri a quick but very much needed pit stop before zandvoort

view all comments!

user42 someone check on yn ASAP

user43 yn one of us once again because we couldn’t bag oscar either 😭

user44 can yall stop talking abt that girl FOR ONCE no one gaf

landonorris looking good mate

liked by the author!

yourusername pls tell me you found more of these beautiful seashells and brought some back for me

oscarpiastri we did actually! y immediately thought abt you and picked the pretty ones

yourusername GOD. i love her give her a big hug from me

oscarpiastri will do maam 🫡🫡

user45 so it’s not yn in the pics?? NOOOOO

user46 my life is ruined rn

user47 throwing oscaryn into a memory box because oscar and his gf looks really cute together

charles_leclerc hope you had a great summer mate

oscarpiastri the best 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

user48 what if they r just trolling us because this caption looks really similar to the one yn posted before monaco???

user49 OMGGG YOURE ONTO SOMETHING

user50 hopefully on the way to the psych ward because this is some delulu shit

user51 soft launch over the summer 🥹🥹 hes so cute

user52 whoever his girl is, i just hope they’re happy and yall should too!

yourusername also plsplspls can y send me the id to the top?? it looks so cute from the back

user53 girl he wont choose you stop trying so hard 😭😭

user54 they can be friends ? lol

user55 does someone knows who the girl is???? i need to know its not yn 😭😭

user56 georgerussell63 tell us what you know 🫵🫵

georgerussell63 🤐🤐🤐

alex_albon he’s actually crying and gritting his teeth because he’d LOVE to tell

gossipracegirl

liked by georgerussell63, user57 and 87 621 others.

gossipracegirl a rumour has it that a driver for formula one with a number eighty one was seen getting cozy with one of his on-track rival’s little sister, while in a relationship. was it a drunken mistake or was it all planned?

tagged oscarpiastri yourusername

view all comments!

user58 something is really wrong with leclercs one is a homie hopper and second is a homewrecker LOL

user59 shouldve happened in monaco so the people could get detained for invading their priacy like wtf WHO CARES

user60 all she do is bring bad pr to oscar BOO👎👎👎

user61 nooo oscar pookie you were supposed to be free from drama 😭😭

user62 gr63 in the likes LMAOO

user63 not yn being a homewrecker girl i liked u sm 😭😭

user64 yall acting like she’s in the wrong ? it gotta be consensual if they looked that chill n happy

user65 no wonder why yn has been streaming olivia rodrigo RELIGIOUSLY

user66 isnt that some type of incest atp?

user67 LMAOO imagine making out with your brother’s adopted son

yourusername

liked by pascale_leclerc, oscarpiastri and 273 811 others.

yourusername YALL THOUGHT. it was me all along :P i was giggling n kicking my feet pretending i know osco’s gf while it was ME. summer break vlog with osco coming up sooner than u think so please stop calling me a homewrecker 😖😖😖

also, girls don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, being yourself is what gets you an amazing guy even if your brother thinks youre embarrassing <3

tagged oscarpiastri

view all comments!

georgerussell63 ty for not SLACKING OFF anymore i barely could hold it inside 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

yourusername you told HALF the grid be for real brother you DID NOT hold it inside

fransisca.gomes no way oscar bagged you before i could 😭😭😭😭

yourusername i’m always gonna be yours kiks no one could take you away from me <3

francisca.gomes <3

pierregasly really thought getting u a bf would mean you leave MY girl alone

yourusername thinking is not your best thing, stick to racing

user68 shit user48 YOU WERE RIGHT

user48 NEVER DOUBT ME BITCHES

user69 this text?? oh he is down bad for you girl

user70 i need all of those bitches who called yn a homewrecker to APOLOGISE like rn

oscarpiastri thank you for letting me be a part of your life like this

user71 i know the girl is GIGGLING rn

yourusername thank YOU for making a part of YOUR life

user72 get yourself a man who THANKS you for being with you

user73 oscar piastri is the MAN

user74 osco 🥹🥹

user75 theyre the cutest your honour

arthur_leclerc cant believe you two are actually together

arthur_leclerc what is WRONG with you oscarpiastri

user76 SO OPPOSITES DOES ATTRACT

charles_leclerc i feel like i should tear those adoption papers apart no?

user77 nicole and pascale in the likes omg the moms r proud 🥹

hattiepiastri i miss youuuu come back to aus soon

yourusername I MISS YOU TOO 😭😭 i’ll be back soon!!

lorenzotl ❤️❤️❤️

liked by the author!

lilymhe double date when?

yourusername mark your calendar, we’ll be there 🫶

user78 does it mean we lose our favorite rbr girlie? 😭😭😭😖😖

user79 mclaren YOU TOOK HER AWAY FROM US 🫵

yourusername i am NOT wearing that ugly orange for a MAN (even if hes super gorgeous and sweet)

mclaren ☹️☹️☹️

landonorris it’s papaya

yourusername “it’s papaya” ☝️🤓

landonorris oscarpiastri please break up with her or you’re gonna be paying for my therapy

oscarpiastri send the bill mate, i’m in for the longest ride possible here

[iamred-iamyellow]

⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚ Game Set Match

♥ masterlist | request rules

♥ pairing: oscar piastri x olympic!tennisplayer!reader

♥ synopsis: with the help of carlos sainz and your brother carlos alcaraz, you were able to score a date with your favorite f1 driver

♥ smau - fc: women on pinterest - as always none of the pictures are mine <3

♥ warnings: swearing !!!

♥ a/n: here's some super late olympic fics

-July 28 2024-

liked by carlossainz55, carlitosalcarazz, arynasabalenka, and 406,271 more

ynalcaraz photo dump

view comments

user7 the f1 in the second pic is so real

carlitosalcarazz she’s obsessed with that one mclaren driver

carlossainz55 @/carlitosalcarazz LANDO?!

carlitosalcarazz no the other one

carlossainz55 oh oscar

user1 PLS 😭

user2 THE DIFFERENCE LMAO

user4 new carcar lore

user10 y/n is just like me fr fr

user3 carlos sainz and the alcaraz siblings being friends was not on my 2024 bingo card

user8 I <3 them

user11 the collab we in fact knew we needed

user12 not carlos casually telling the whole world that y/n has a crush on oscar

user6 the fact that we got an oscar p2 today too

user5 SO hyped to see the both of them at the olympics

uer13 same !!!

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

-left: your phone- -right: carlos a's phone-

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

liked by carlitosalcarazz, landonorris, ynalcaraz and 294,923 more

f1gossip Oscar Piastri taking promotional pictures in Paris in time for the 2024 Olympics

view comments

user1 y/n is shaking in her boots rn

user2 miss rabbit has fainted

user7 NAH HE SAW THE POSTS

user6 was he invited by a certain someone

ynalcaraz @/carlitosalcarazz YOU DIDN'T.

carlitosalcarazz I did

ynalcaraz blocked.

carlossainz55 I was expecting a thank you

ynalcaraz stop roping other carlos into this 😩

carlossainz55 you call me other carlos?

landonorris 🤣🫵

user3 ynoscar crumbs

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

liked by carlossainz55, landonorris, lewishamilton, and 593,502 more

oscarpiastri thanks for inviting me @/carlitosalcarazz and congrats on yours and @/ynalcaraz’s gold 🥇

view comments

ynalcaraz @/carlitosalcarazz i fucking knew it

ynalcaraz anyway thanks tho osc 🥰

user1 the nickname.

carlitosalcarazz great to see you again

landonorris me wondering where my invite was

oscarpiastri me wondering where I asked

user12 PLSS

user14 the girls are fighting

landonorris its all good fun

user7 my pookies met

user3 the second picture is going down in sports history tbh

user5 congrats to them !!!

user6 am I fucking crazy or did he get those roses for y/n

user11 you're crazy

user8 @/user11 NAH NAH let them cook

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, lilymhe, and 1,492,753 more

oscarpiastri de nada

user6 I HATE ❌ TO SAY 🗣️ I TOLD YOU 🫵 SO

user2 AHHH

user4 the fact he got her flowers...

user3 just get married already

user10 I love them

user7 I'm so proud of her for winning gold today !!!

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, alex_albon, and 1,489,475 more

mclaren life rn

view comments

ynalcaraz why that picture of me 😕

mclaren sorry yn!!

ynalcaraz you’re forgiven admin 😚🫶

user1 THE FACT THAT LANDO AND OSCAR WERE FLIRTING WITH HER THE WHOLE VIDEO 💀

user2 it's mr steal your girl

user9 why was oscar actually so good tho

ynalcaraz he should sign up for aussie's team

user10 @/ynalcaraz I think he was trying to impress you

lilymhe golf next

ynalcaraz i second that

user8 @/mclaren admin were you the ballboy? 😭

mclaren I was and I'm proud

liked by charles_leclerc, user7, user1, and 394,473 more

ynalcaraz can someone tell @/carlossainz55 to stay out of my love life

view comments

carlossainz55 I'm the one who got you the date ???

carlitosalcarazz I did all the heavy lifting

user1 c2 but not in the way you think

user7 @/user1 carlos got y/n in the charlos divorce

user3 I'd recognize those shorts anywhere lol

user4 bro made it SOOO obvious that it was him

user8 oscar we know its you open up

liked by oscarpiastri, carlossainz55, carlitosalcarazz, and 1,147,329

ynalcaraz "thank you carlos" we all say in unison

view comments

carlossainz55 you're welcome.

carlitosalcaraz it was about time

oscarpiastri I love you carino

ynalcaraz I love you too <3

lilymhe you and oscar too cute

ynalcaraz 🥹🫶

user3 thank you carlos

user1 thank you carlos

oscarpiastri thank you carlos 🫡

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

end notes: hi loves <3 I know this was a short fic but I hope you still enjoyed it! I'll hopefully be releasing some longer ones soon but I've been pretty busy recently.

[star-girl69]

protective clarisse save me ANWAYSSSS enjoy

*mentions of clarisse picking reader up and carrying her around

PLEASE ignore the fact i forgot ambrosia existed thanks 🙏🙏 yk i just be saying stuff

it starts out like any capture the flag game

except for the fact you’re on different teams

like in so it goes when clar tells y/n “don’t do anything i wouldn’t do”

everyone once in a while the teams switch up

and clarisse has a really hard time when you’re not on the same team, but she can usually function

she’s worried out of her mind obvi

we all know you’re her achilles heel

but for some reason this time clarisse just has a really bad feeling

she’ll probably threaten everyone on her team- if they so much as LOOK at you in the wrong way she’s going to make their lives a literal hell

and everyone is like ok scary lady 🫡

they all know clarisse don’t play about you

so the game is going pretty normal

you’re just doing your thing and clarisse is hunting around you

it’s really funny because you and a few of your siblings are just fighting whoever makes their way to you

and you win every time

bc clarisse is still letting you win 😭😭😭😭

the good members of her team get told to turn around

and then she lets the weaker ones, the stragglers she doesn’t care about, pass through and then smiles when you cheer after winning even tho she can’t see you

you feel her eyes on you tho sometimes it’s kinda creepy

but basically annabeth and the blue team had set up these trenches in random parts of the wood

they were lined with like a bunch of leaves and spare linens so they were soft at the bottom

but someone 🙄🙄🙄 ugh

forgot to soften up one of them and that’s the one you fall into

she hears you scream and she’s like WOAH HOLY FUCK

running through the woods you’re crying at the bottom of this 6 ft deep hole your siblings are screaming

like she literally throws herself to the ground and drags you out of the pit pure adrenaline

and like she could tell just by your screams and the look on your face that you were HURT HURT

but she knows you need her rn so she pulls you into her lap and asks what hurts

and you can’t even speak you’re in so much pain but you gesture to your leg and maybe clarisse just didn’t want to notice it before but like that bitch is BROKEN

she’s literally shaking

“it’s okay it’s okay baby it’s okay someone is gonna go get a healer right? SOMEONE IS GOING TO GO GET A HEALER, RIGHT?”

*cue like 10 random campers all running off*

and you’re screaming and crying and your siblings are freaking out so the game kinda stops bc everyone is like what happened 😭

then they just walk into this clearing and see you pale and crying and leg obviously broken, sitting in a shaking clarisse’s lap

one of her siblings definitely has to come over and subtly say that she’s like doing a good job LMAO

bc she is STRUGGLING

like she’s never been so scared in her life

her heart is pounding her hands are shaking

but for the first time in her life she’s not really angry right now

she’s just fucking terrified

and she HATES it

she’s stroking your hair and has her arm wrapped around your waist so tight

she tells you “just dig your nails into my arm”

and you can’t even comprehend what’s going on so she grabs your hands and let’s you squeeze so hard she swears her fingers come out a little crooked

FINALLY some apollo kids come over with a stretcher

so then she starts yelling at them “BE GENTLER SHES HURT DUMBFUCKS”

then finally after clarisse’s incessant screaming she holds your hand as they take you back to the healers

then 20 minutes later they reset your leg and put it in a little cast and give you some AMAZING painkillers

so you’re like omg

clarisse is like pale and sweaty and her heartbeat is so erratic one of the healers actually has to come over and be like “maybe you should sit down and get checked out..?”

she starts screaming at them

then you’re like “omg no my saviors are fighting ☹️☹️☹️☹️”

“no no i’m sorry i didn’t mean to make you sad it’s fine it’s fine we’re not fighting”

“yay!!!!!!!”

she has to lay down in your bed and take some really deep breaths in order to calm down

and you’re just happy bc you are floating and you have your gf with you

you’re babbling on about something and clarisse is like wtf is happening to me

but also she’s acting like you just died

holding your head to her chest and staring off into the distance like that one painting of ivan the terrible holding his dead son y’all know

and you’re just happy

she’s kissing all over your face and head and telling you about how she’s gonna help you

“i’ll carry you whenever you don’t feel like using your crutches, i’ll make sure you take all your medicine, i’ll find and kill whoever did this to you, i’ll sleep with you every night just in case, and i won’t let you out of my sight ever again, and i’ll make chiron switch the teams back”

she ends up doing all of those things obvi

she annoys chiron so much he makes a permanent rule that the ares and your cabin always have to be on the same team

clarisse becomes 10x worse in terms of protectiveness

like she’s watching you like a HAWK

she just felt so totally helpless in that moment so unprepared and she never wants to feel like that again

she doesn’t think her heart can take it actually 😭

she does find the person and loses dessert privileges for 5 months for what she did!!!!!

she sleeps with you ever night bc the meds make you sleep restlessly and she’s always there to whisper in your ear and lull you back to sleep

even if you’re like oh i can just use my crutches she’s always staring at the ground like it’s a monster that’s gonna hurt you so she’s like

“hm well i don’t think so actually haha just let me carry you”

“I WANT TO WALK CLARISSE”

*picking you up* “no it’s fine this is safest”

“LET ME DOWN”

basically you’re just the love of her life and she can’t imagine something else happening to you

[xxlady-lunaxx]

your sanegiyuu posts have inspired me lmao. sanemi tries to ask giyuu out but is stopped/blocked by the kamado siblings who are very protective of their big brother- they hug him to block sanemi's line of sight and demand that they spend time with him haha (and they don't really like sanemi bc of their first meeting). cue sanemi trying to win the kamado siblings over lol. giyuu is ofc oblivious until tanjiro tells him that sanemi likes him. 💜

HELP THIS IS SO REAL 😭 and soso cute<3 oh god have a little of them (and sorry for not posting your other req's yet, they're in my drafts tho i promise) this as a oneshot: here

SaneGiyuu being high ig:

Sanemi's been crushing on Giyuu for a while now and, with Obanai's constant insistence, he decides to ask him out

Tanjiro picking up the heavy sent of macha tea and ohagi before Giyuu realizes that somebody's coming

"Hey, Nezuko- We should go protect Giyuu-san. Shinazugawa-san's coming this way—remember him? He might hurt him 3:>"

Nezuko's obedient nod<3

Giyuu suddenly getting bombarded by Kamado's 🫠

Sanemi coming around the corner and being all "oh shit, not these two again" when he sees the two crowding their big brother

Tanjiro peeking over his shoulder to glare at Sanemi

Giyuu tilting his head, all ?? Shinazugawa??

Nezuko tugging on Giyuu's haori. "mff 3:<< (play!!)"

Giyuu nods, picking her up (Tanjiro simultaneously skirting around so that Sanemi can't get past his blockade)

Sanemi all angy and hating how they're bringing Giyuu away

Him trying to speak like: "Tomioka- Wait- Hey- WAIT- 😭 KAJFNSIAOKM FUCK!!"

Nezuko gasps, grabs the swear jar, and tries pushing Sanemi inside

Giyuu frowning at Sanemi, saying he mustn't swear in front of innocent children

"Innocent?? They're children of the fuckin' devil!!!"

Tanjiro swatting Sanemi away

Giyuu getting protective of his siblings

Nezuko pretending to cry so Giyuu takes the Kamados away and Sanemi's left there..

Later, Sanemi trying a different tactic, bringing some sweets (he refused to sacrifice his ohagi, but he did steal some of the Sakura Mochi that Obanai had bought for Mitsuri) and some random ass stuffed animal

Waving it in Tanjiro and Nezuko's faces when Giyuu's out training

"Take it!! Oh, gods, just take it-"

The two just turning their noses up at him, glaring

He glowers back.

Giyuu coming back and Sanemi instantly trying to play nice guy, not so subtly kicking Nezuko to the side when she tries to grab his leg

"Heyy- Tomioka- Can we talk?? Somewhere priv-AHH"

(Nezuko jumped on Sanemi's back)

Sanemi deciding that he'll just play along and hopefully they'll stop ambushing them

Nezuko piggy-back riding Sanemi, and he's just carrying her around, hoisting her up and turning back to Giyuu trying to be all casual

(Unfortunately, Sanemi nearly won over Nezuko until Tanjiro snatched her back, telling Sanemi that he wasn't needed here)

Giyuu still standing at the doorway: ._.

Tanjiro didn't realize that Giyuu didn't understand yet 😭 But then Giyuu asks why Sanemi seems to be stalking him or something, constantly popping up, and Tanjiro forces himself to explain

Giyuu after he's told that Sanemi has an actual crush on him: 0///0

Tanjiro sighing

He still refused to let Sanemi ask Giyuu out until Sanemi apologized profusely to Nezuko and promised to devote his life to making Giyuu happy

which sanemi did with reluctance because he was done dealing with the kamado's but he didn't really want to drop giyuu-

For a bit into the SaneGiyuu relationship, Tanjiro and Nezuko avoided Sanemi like a plague until he won them over with his old big brother 'Nemi charms

(they're still a bit dubious about him but have warmed up to his presence at least)

(although you can be sure Tanjiro's watching him closely)

this is genuinely what my notes look like when I have something i want to write.. very messy and vague 🦦 (i can write this more properly later iyw, but I'm too tired for that rn (cue the yawns))

[marleyybluu]

Glasses

Husband!Oscar x black!wife!reader

Word count: 2k

Content warning: fluffy fluffy, Oscar is a stubborn husband, a little sexy flirtatiousness at the end, just your typical married couple and we love it, reader is hot for Oscar and his glasses (I mean I would be too tf)

A/N: bare in mind that i don’t have glasses idk how the process goes lmao I just made shit up so sorry if it’s not accurate I guess. Who cares we’re in make believe land rn

Sorry for typos && bad translations if any

(I know these aren’t glasses glasses but… you get it lmao)

"Mama..." Rafa says poking your arm, you look down at him and smile. "Yes?"

"Why is Dad making that face?" He asks pointing over to Oscar who's holding his phone down in his lap with his head tilted up slightly so that he can see the screen better. You shook your head. That old bastard was a stubborn one. You have noticed for months now that Spooky is squinting to read everything, he's holding things at certain angles just the see the words correctly. He even has the kids reading things for him when he flat-out can't make out any of the words.

And of course, you've confronted him about it, saying if he wanted you could schedule an appointment with an optometrist and get his vision checked but he tells you— "No, mamita, I'm fine."

Stubborn Jack ass.

You roll your eyes and sigh dramatically. "Mi hijo, maybe you can talk some sense into your big-headed father. Because he won't listen to me." You say loud enough for your husband to hear. He grumbles and looks over at you, so tempted to say something disrespectful but your son is there. You wiggle your eyebrows taunting him.

"Papa, I think you need gafas."(glasses)

Spooky breathes heavily like a dragon, you swear smoke comes out of his nose too. "Mira, baby, let me just take you to check your eyes. If I'm wrong I'll eat my words and do anything you want."

His ears perk up at the offer. "Anything?"

And you knew what that tone meant. Spooky had been asking for another baby sooner rather than later but you constantly rebuttal with the fact that your third child, Emilia, was only a year old and you refused to have two under two. "Yes, anything." You reply confidently knowing you'd win this battle. He says it's a deal and you smile proudly keeping a reminder to make his appointment later.

-- --

In the days leading up to the appointment, he swore up and down that you'd be wrong, that you'll soon be walking around with a round belly all over again and he couldn't wait to see it. You remain quiet and shrug, occasionally giggling at how cocky he was about this.

After dropping the kids off at your mom's, you two head over to the Optometrist. You're pleasantly greeted by the woman at the front desk who asks you who the appointment is for. Oscar finds himself a seat and huffs like a child. You roll your eyes and mention his name. "I'm assuming you made the appointment." She smiles light-heartedly. "That obvious?"

"Trust me, I've got one at home whose chain I have to pull to even get him to the doctor. They're all like that."

You giggle and look over your shoulder at him as he pouts and looks at his new shoes. The receptionist says she'll let the doctor know you two were there and be back to guide you to a room. You take a seat next to Oscar who immediately puts his hand on your thigh, squeezing at your supple flesh. "So, what do you think the next baby will be? I hope it's a boy, I can't lie."

"Will you shut the fuck up? You are not winning this bet, Diaz."

He looks around before trailing his hand up your dress, your eyes widen when his fingers brush over your panties. "Who you talkin' to like that? Don't let this bet get you fucked up."

You swallow your attitude and shrink in the chair, he removes his hand and gently kisses your temple. Maybe he'd get another baby out of you regardless.

It wasn't long before you two were called in. Once in the room, Oscar was told to sit in the chair that was hooked up to everything while you sat in the extra chair not too far from them. He starts by asking Oscar about his medical history; and if anyone in his family has problems with their vision but he says, "Not as far as I know."

You watch as he's asked to read the chart across the room and he instinctively squints, you cover your mouth to stop your giggles.

Even with the act of squinting he ends up getting a lot of them wrong.

He's tested furthermore and, honestly, it was not looking too good. He was struggling so much that it was truly getting to him, his nails scape at the jeans over his knee caps-- taps them once in a while whenever he lets out a frustrated sigh. You were beginning to feel bad for him, wanting to whisper the letters to him so he didn't feel so... shitty.

The lights in the room turn on and the optometrist sits in his chair. "Mr. Diaz, unfortunately, I do think you'll need some prescription glasses. You are more farsighted in your right eye than you are in your left. The left eye seems to be fine for now. So, I will put in an order for a pair of lenses and when they're ready we'll give you a call to pick out the frames."

Oscar sighs, he sounds so defeated. You two thank the doctor and make your way out of the office building and back to the car. He sucks his teeth while buckling his seatbelt, he crosses his arms and waits for you to put the car in drive but you don't budge. "Why are you acting like this?"

He shrugs. "Let's just go."

"No. What are you upset about?"

"I'm old."

There was a moment of silence, took you a a minute to realize he was serious. "I'm old, mama. I can't see shit, I'm tired, I'm cranky. I'm fucking old. Next thing you know I can't play with my kids, can't play Fútbol con Rafa, dios mio." (Soccer with Rafa, my God)

He was genuinely spiralling. "Papito, I hate to break it to you but we're supposed to get old." You say to him but it (obviously) doesn't help.

"Lo sé, mi amor, pero, they still have to make it to middle school and high school, I gotta see them through college."

"Who says you won't? Mi marido, (my husband) we will be there for all of their events, for all the big changes. We will still be there when they all leave the nest to create their own, and when they come back to visit." You reassure. "I'll still be next to you in a rocking chair. We are not going anywhere, anytime soon. Entiendes? No hay prisa." (Understand? No rush)

He nods, still pouting. You lean over and plant a loving kiss on his lips. "If you ask me you will make a sexy Abuelo. Glasses and all."

"En serio?" A little bit of confidence coming back to him.

"Sí, papi chulo." You purr pulling him in for another kiss. "You know we have a lot of time before we got to get the kids." He grumbles his lips travelling down your neck. "Let's go before you get us in trouble in this parking lot."

He shrugs. "Wouldn't be the first time."

You laugh. "I know, I don't want to relive it."

-- --

Days passed and Oscar finally got the call to pick up his lenses and choose the frames, you offered to go with him but he said he wanted to surprise you. You'd been waiting all day excited to see what would walk through the door.

You sighed flipping through the selections on Prime, the house was quiet with the kids either distracted or sleeping and you were bored-- until you heard the car door slam shut and his keys jingle right outside the door. The door swings open but he doesn't enter, not yet. He calls out for you and when you answer all too eagerly he chuckles at your excitement. "You been waitin' on this all day?" He asks.

"Yes, hurry the fuck up." You rush. He appears from behind the door and stands with his arms slightly open. "Cómo me veo?" (How do I look?) He asks. Your eyes widen and your jaw slacks. They were simple black frame glasses, they weren't obnoxiously thick or oddly small, and they were good enough to fit him. You sit up on your knees and lean over the back of the couch. "You look... good. Muy guapo, papito." You slur feeling a heat spread in your lower belly. His eyebrows raise in surprise, he knows that look anywhere.

"Quierida..."

"Oscar... " You had the filthiest line ready for him to hear until a pair of footsteps descended from the steps. "Whoooooa! Elliana, Mira! Papa got glasses!" Rafa announces rushing down the stairs to get a better look and shortly another set of little feet made their way over. The two children were so interested in what was on their father's face and how different he looked. "Can you see better?" Elliana asks and he smiles giving her a sweet kiss on her head. "Sí, mi corazón. Thanks for asking."

Rafa turns to you. "Mama, doesn't Dad's glasses look cool?"

Their eyes were on you but you could feel the taunting nature of your husband's eyes. "Yeah... mhm, he looks... they look-k good." You stammer causing Oscar to smirk.

He had seemingly found an upper hand on you with these glasses and he wasn't afraid to use it over the next week. He had them on even when he didn't need them to see that look on your face— the lust, the adoration— your pupils seem to expand whenever you see him in those spectacles. He just looked fucking hot.

It was the best when he walked around in his grey sweats, alone, with no shirt. Just his tattoos and glasses to complete his look and you ate it up every time. You tug on your bottom lip as you paint the picture in your mind. But why imagine, when you can just go see. The house was quiet, all the kids were sound asleep, you shifted out of bed as carefully as you could to not wake Emilia. Once you are successful you grab the baby monitor and creep downstairs, the television is off and the whole first floor is dark-- the only form of light shines through the windows courtesy of the moon. 

"Why the fuck would you do that!?" 

Ah yes, of course, he was in his habitat. The basement. You sneak your way down to see that the ceiling light is off and he just has the ones around his monitors on, though they are bright enough for her to see where she's going. His back is turned and he's so zoned in that your presence goes unnoticed for quite some time. You cross your arms and dramatically clear your throat to let him know you're here. "Yall give me a minute, wifey is here." You can hear the collective; "Hi wifey!" "Hola señiorita!" "What's good Mrs. Spooky?" 

You smile and greet them right back before he mutes his mic. "What's up?" He spins his chair to give you his full attention. "Emilia's awake?" 

You shake your head. "No, she's still sleeping. Just came to hang out." Your eyes ogle the print in his sweats. He follows your line of sight and chuckles. "You sure?"

"Mhm." You swing your leg over his legs and perch yourself on his lap. "I mention how fucking good you look in these glasses?" You purr leaning in. "They havin' an effect on you, ma. That I can see." He hums ghosting your lips with his. "And that's why you should listen to your esposa (wife)more." 

Your lips finally meet and it's not long before you two are practically nibbling at each other with a mutual desperation to end the sexual tension that's been created over time. "Let me hop off the game-" 

"No, it's okay. They can't see you right?" You smirk gnawing at his jaw. "No, they can't."

You reach between your bodies and slide your hand into his sweats. Oscar reaches up to adjust his glasses and when they begin to fog up he cleans them off and reaches to put them on his desk when you stop him. 

"The glasses stay on, Diaz." 

if you liked this fic, feel free to like this fic, reblogs and comments are appreciated. peace and love, see you in the next one🤙🏾

🏷️: @darqchilddaydreamz @educatorsareslutstoo @realhotgurlshit @bigenergy777

[tanjirosjuliet]

KAMADOKO SQUAD DATING HEADCANONS°♡

°DATING HCS FOR TANJIRO KAMADO , ZENITSU AGATSUMA AND INOSUKE HASHIBIRA°

a/n : it's literally 1am rn and I can't sleep so I just made this lmao💀

Pairings - tanjiro x reader , Zenitsu x reader and inosuke x reader°

Warnings - fluff fluff fluff and a little bit angst?

Masterlist | you can send me an ask anytime!°❄︎

TANJIRO KAMADO ❀

He's literally the sweetest guy you've ever met

He treats you with so much respect

He asks permissions for literally EVERYTHING like ~ holding hands , hugging and stuff like that

He once held your hand without your permission and got SO EMBARRASSED and he said sorry SO many times after that

Once you tell him that you're okay with him touching you he's like ~ "I can touch you? Without your permission??" "Yes tanjirou"

He doesn't believe how much trust you have in him

He doesn't really yells at you , bro he couldn't even think of yelling at you

Once he yelled alot at you because you got nezuko for a mission (with his permission ofc) but she didn't come back in good situation it wasn't your fault but he still shouted at you and said really mean things because nezuko is so precious to him (as well as you too duh) because she's the only family member thats left alive. Cr - Words of regret @niluffa <3 (I love her please follow her omg)

Whenever you give him physical affection he sometimes cries because he never got that after his family's death :(

Love language - all 5 for sure

10/10 bf <3

Zenitsu Agatsuma ❁

He thinks you're a queen/king (and you are)

When you first said you liked him back he was the real definition of screaming , crying and blushing throwing up

He got so excited 😭

If you're a slayer too,

He loves to spar with you but he's so gentle? And you're the one always winning because he doesn't wants to hurt you lmao

He gets really really worried if you get injured while completing a mission and if the wound is deep then, lo and behold `~ as expected he won't even let you get off the bed and do some work until your wound is completely healed

He would take care of you and sit by your side 24/7💀

Tanjiro : "zenitsu , we need to train"

Zenitsu : "DONT YOU SEE Y/N IS INJURED?! I NEED TO TAKE CARE OF THEM BECAUSE THEY WONT TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES!! AND IF I DONT TAKE CARE OF THEM, THEYLL DI-

You : zenitsu stop. Go train, I'll be FINE

Love language - physical affection and acts of service

8/10 bf

Inosuke Hashibira ☆

He didn't even knew what dating was

He Straight up come to you can said "I love you" on your face and then ran away

Tanjiro and zenitsu were sneakly watching you both and both of them faceplamed when inosuke confessed to you in such a weird way

He loves sparring with you but you always win even tho he tries his best to win

He says only YOUR name right and no one else's

Tanjiro and zenitsu had to teach him how to act in front of you💀

Whenever you hug him or kiss him he gets floaty (like when tanjiro says something nice)

He eats up all of your food without your permission (very inosuke like)

Love language - physical affection acts of service doesn't exist in his dictionary

____________________________________________________________________________________________

A/n - I know inosuke one is so short because I can't think of anything else I'm so sorry

And remember you can send me any type of kny asks , if it doesn't work then you can message me or comment <3

[sketchquill]

Hallo! I was wondering how the wizzard of Oz wally or the gang would react of y/n going through a break up?

(I'm going through one rn 😪) (But if you can answer this, thank u!)

Oh no! I’m sorry sorry to hear that you’re going through one, that’s so awful! I hope you feel a lot better soon 🫶💕✨

I’m not sure how to write this considering I’ve never been through a break up ((then again I’ve never actually dated anyone imma single pringle lmao 😂)) so I’m sorry in advanced if this turns out bad🙏

Wally:

When Wally sees Y/N crying Wally quickly goes running up to them softly saying “No, no, no please don’t cry.” And he’ll try wipe away their tears, he asks Y/N what happened which only caused Y/N to start crying more so Wally asks them if they want a hug.

Like OG he’ll go limp in their arms when Y/N hugs him and he’ll let them hold him as long as they like. Although they might find holding Wally a tiny bit uncomfortable but that’s mostly because of the pieces of straw poking out of him but that still doesn’t stop Y/N from hugging him and appreciates his comfort.

Also after listening to Y/N explain what happened to cause the break up Wally then says “Well, your Ex must not have a brain if they wanted to break up with someone as wonderful as you.”

Frank:

“Look I may not have a heart but I’m not heartless.”

At first Frank doesn’t know what to do to comfort Y/N but listen the guy tries ok? He really tries that’s what’s most important! He’ll awkwardly hug Y/N and pats them on the back trying to be as reassuring as possible.

This is one of those moments he wishes he wasn’t made of tin cause at least his hugs wouldn’t be hard and cold. He tries to offer Y/N the best advice he can and he’ll hold them close and lets them cry. Frank also poorly attempts to make a joke about if Y/N keeps crying they’ll make him rust which does admittedly makes Y/N laugh a bit.

Y/N may or may not happen to find Frank sharpening his axe later

Sally:

In the Wizard of Oz AU, Sally is quite afraid of most things however when she sees and hears how upset Y/N is over the break up she immediately forgets her fear and wants to go confront Y/N’s Ex for breaking their heart. The only reason she doesn’t though is because Y/N need her more right now. She’ll do everything in her power to take Y/N mind off of their Ex to the point where she’ll let Y/N braid her mane and put flowers in it.

Barnaby:

Barnaby has known Y/N ever since they were a kid and he will tell Y/N every joke he knows to cheer them up and make them laugh “Hey kid, Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.” Trust me he’ll keep going until they crack a smile then proceeds to give them the biggest and warmest bear hug of their life and tries reassuring them that it’s hard now but he swears that everything’s going to be okay.

[ofmermaidstories]

I just finished the widening sky and OH MY GOD AUHSHFG MY HEART HELP

Think i might genuinely throw up, feel so sick rn like 😭 i knew that this fic was gonna break my heart but I WAS NOT READY FOR IT omfg

Kinda confused though (or in denial), did reader die? Why did deku know about all for one?

I'm rereading your other fics tho to feel better and I'll just imagine weeds and bakugo are merman katsuki and reader in their next life

Sorry this is long 😭 thank you for curing my reading slump tho, hope you have a good week!!

Wanda! 🥹 Hello there. 🥥🦀🐚🌷 Thank-you for your message!!! You actually prompted me to re-read Widening, which I haven’t in ages, and it kinda made me laugh because read it with the lens of imagining Weeds and Bakugou cycling through different lifetimes together… the beauty of alternative universes, lmao.

I have a definite answer to the question, did Reader die—do you really wanna know, though? 🥺 I’ll tell you about Deku, instead, because I think knowing his place in the island’s world will kinda help with deciding whether or not the magic extended to Reader, too.

When Izuku’s four years old, he goes missing for a day. He’s found completely soaking wet; what no-one knows is that that’s the day he meets a similarly small Kacchan. 🥹 When he’s eight, he and Kacchan meet again, and because they’re both young boys, and neither of them have any real concept of consequences, when Kacchan gets bored—frustrated, thanks to his limited understanding of what the other boy is saying—with trying to answer Izuku’s million and one questions about mermaid life, he decides the best way to give Izuku those answers is to show him. That’s how Izuku knows about AFO. Because he sees the effects of him, of the war that these merpeople are preparing for, and have fought before. When he’s found, it’s by Yagi—All Might. All Might who knows about it, knows about the creature AFO. The two of them now share that secret, and it’s Yagi who explains the intricacies of what AFO is. He’s a bad man, Yagi tells that boy. A bad creature, and he is trying to hunt the mermaids all down, so that he doesn’t have to share the ocean. Izuku internalises this, and when he’s older—and able to understand more, to see the effect it’s having on the island’s sealife—he decides to go into Marine biology. A handy excuse, to be near the ocean—and maybe a field that will arm him with the knowledge he needs to tip the scales in Kacchan’s people’s favour. ⚖️🧜🏻‍♂️

I think the magic that binds the mermaids to the island produces a lot of strange miracles. If Reader survived, or if Reader drowns, depends on how strongly you believe in that magic to protect Reader—anddd ultimately, whether or not you think Katsuki was strong enough to win the fight. 🥹

Wanda, I hope August has been kind—I hope this answers something for you. 🥺 I giggled a bit, in my opening line, but I really appreciated you saying hello and making me take another look at the fic—and I hope you’ve been reading lots of fun things, since. 🥹📚🌷

[ventismacchiato]

Same anon who sent that ask that triggered that avalanche of trolling.

I just wanna say, I'm sorry for being hypocritical when I said you were rude, but I did not mean you were rude by setting boundaries (even tho that was never a topic of debate for us, I'd always respected your boundaries)

I meant rude as in, you used to be very...dry? You could say? when I sent asks but then you'd be super nice to other people who sent asks so I felt like you just had something against me.

My reason for staying anonymous isn't because I'm afraid of confronting you face-to-face, it's because I know that if I were to try and talk to you ab this personally, I'd just get the same response, and if I were to send the ask without being anonymous, the asks clowning on me would be sitting in my inbox rn.

And I get WHY people r clowning on me. I sent an ask on a topic sensitive to me thru anon and my choice of words r similar to that of an emo 14 yr old boy on reddit.

But in my defense, if Kai hasn't been rude to you personally, doesn't mean they might not have been rude to me. And I use rude due to a lack of better words.

Bottom line is: I was hurt by Kai's difference in personality when it came to my asks (which never pressured them about updates btw bc I never rlly followed their smaus much) and I took to anon to try and tell it to them, albeit in a v poor worded manner.

I'm sorry that so many of your fans seemed personally attacked by me expressing my opinion but I'm more sorry that I couldn't just talk to you about this directly.

(also b4 anyone repeats the old insult of "get a job"... I'm already training to become a CA. I have a life outside of Tumblr and I log in very rarely. It may not seem that way because of my previous ask, but Kai isn't on my mind 24/7. I just logged back in after a month and their ask were on my 'following' page and in the spur of the moment, I typed out the ask.

I assure yall I'm very content in life and (in response to one of the asks telling me to shower💀) take very good care of my hygiene (lmao???). Some of the responses I got were VERY hilarious, I'll agree, even I laughed at a few of them.

I know my previous ask gave a lot of people second-hand embarrassment (this one will too probably lmfao I can't win) and this is getting too long so I'll just say: not the intention, just wanted my feelings acknowledged.

Thank you and Goodbye.

This seems like a script to a YouTube apology video lmao.

oh my god…

DRY ≠ RUDE

so are you just upset i didn’t treat you like a friend or?? genuinely don’t understand how me ever being dry is considered rude to you, have you ever considered the asks you sent didnt give me room to respond with more excitement? i receive a lot of asks in a day so i cant always be all !!! to every single one. it’s a little over the top to accuse me of being rude when all i supposedly did was not match the same energy. you said so yourself you weren’t active and i tended to be more excited talking to my regular anons.

i didnt have anything against you, maybe a little now because this is ridiculous, but if someone online replying to you dry causes you that much hurt then maybe this app isn’t for you. we don’t need to talk about this directly because there isn’t anything to talk about.

goodbye!

[quodekash]

CONTINUING EPISODE 5

sorry bro, she's into women

which is totally fair, have you SEEN women????

she's AGGRESSIVELY trying to communicate her love of women with him

HES SO JEALOUS THIS IS HILARIOUS

(its reminding me of sound getting really angry when pat suggests that tiw might like win)

(I PHYSICALLY CANNOT STOP TALKING ABOUT THE SATANG AND PERTH SIBLINGS AGENDA, IM SORRY (im not sorry))

IT'S SO CUTE OH MY GOSH

I LOVE

LMAO

NICE ONE

OML

IM WHEEZING

I THINK HE DREW HIM AS HANDSOME SQUIDWARD

THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING IVE EVER SEEN

IM DYING

THE RESEMBLANCE IS UNCANNY

OML ITS 1 IN THE MORNING I NEED TO BE QUIET AND NOT WAKE EVERYONE UP BUT IM LAUGHING SO HARD

it's been over three minutes straight of me just laughing at this

im losing my mind

EVERY TIME I THINK IVE CALMED DOWN, I OPEN UP THE YOUTUBE TAB AGAIN, AND THEN IT BRINGS ANOTHER BURST OF LAUGHTER

I quite literally laughed about the handsome squidward drawing for nearly 5 whole minutes

OH MY GOODNESS

AND HE GETS A BASKETBALL THROWN AT HIM????

ARE WE ABOUT TO GET GUYNAWA CONTENT AS WELL???

WHEN I THOUGHT THIS EPISODE COULDNT GET ANY BETTER OMG

THEY ARE FLIRTING

TAKE NOTES, GUYS, THIS IS FLIRTING

i... have never been flirted with before. nor have I ever flirted with someone before. (at least to my knowledge)

BUT THEYRE FLIRTING GUYS THYERE FLIRTING

oh you wanna make out with him so bad

THEYRE FLIRTING SO HARD

THEYRE JUST TRYNA GET EACH OTHER'S ATTENTION

JUST MAKE OUT GUYS, ITLL BE A MORE PRODUCTIVE USE OF YOUR TIME

PO4ENKWGOPILVJWENJKGSVOJW3E4HIBSJGJPOINVOP4JWEOPINSGD

THEY SHOOK HANDS

THEIR HANDS ARE HOLDING EACH OTHER

ALSO: THEY HAVE TO BE NICE TO EACH OTHER FOR AT LEAST A WHILE

AND THEN THEYRE GONNA GET USED TO BEING NICE TO EACH OTHER WITH THE FRIENDLY BANTER THROWN IN THERE FOR SPICE

AND THEN THEYRE GONNA MAKE OUT OR SMTH

WOAH

W O A H

WOAH BUDDY

I COULD FEEL THE SEXUAL TENSION OF THAT THROUGH THE SCREEN

they just need to slap their bodies against each other (clothes optional)

THE HEAD TILT

HES SO ATTENTIVE

LOOK AT THE LONGING LOVING STARE

I have no idea who this is.

but I am very much in love with her

the amount that he cares about him is literally insane and its making me insane

THE LOCKS

OH MY GOODNESS

aw nooo sailom is sad bc he knows kang likes pimfah :(

WHAT DOES HE NEED TO DO

IS HE GONNA PUT UP HIS OWN LOCK???

IS HE GONNA PUT UP HIS OWN LOCK AND ITLL BE LIKE LOCKED WITH SAILOMS OR SMTH?????

OMG OR MAYBE

MAYBE HE'S GONNA TRIP OVER IN THE ENGINEERING SQUARE THINGY

oh :(

but the sad piano music is playing and its showing sailom's face

im wanting to think that sailom's gonna turn around bc he's sad, and as soon as he starts walking away, kang's gonna suddenly have a realisation and he'll change his mind and he'll put the lock with sailom's, but im definitely delusional

what.

hang on

im so confused right now

she... likes sailom?

what?????

I-

wh

what????

I wasn't expecting a love triangle like this???

IM LITERALLY SO CONFUSED WHAT IS GOING ON

GIVE ME ANSWERS BITCH

dude.

DUDE.

D U D E

THE WAY THAT YOU'RE LOOKING AT HIM RN??????

ITS MAKING ME EVEN MORE CONFUSED

D U D E

YOU'RE FOCUSSING SO MUCH ON HIS LIPS THERE HAD TO BE A ZOOM IN SHOT

THERE IS NO HETERO EXPLANATION

I WAS SO SURE KANG WOULD REALISE HIS FEELINGS TODAY BUT ITS JUST GOTTEN SO BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS TO EVERYONE EXCEPT HIM

O K A Y

OKAYOKAYOKAYOKAYOKAYOKAY

OKAY

ITS ALL GOOD

THANK GOODNESS

SO HE'S GONNA *PROPERLY* REALISE HIS FEELINGS NEXT WEEK AND HES GONNA DANCE AROUND TELLING HIM FOR THE ENTIRE EPISODE AND THEN THEYRE GONNA KISS AT THE END GJREKDBG I CANT WAIT

im so proud of myself for being right about that. I predicted that they're gonna kiss next week. im so freaking awesome

in other news: I am not okay

IN OTHER OTHER NEWS: IT'S ONLY 1:45AM TODAY AND IVE ALREADY FINISHED, IM DOING BETTER THAN I DID LAST WEEK

goodnight folks, and keep breathing drts

peace out ✌️

[twosomeofcuteness]

DW Season Finale Thoughts! (Spoilers below the cut)

Sorry, Mrs. Flood is dead???? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? She was teased the entire season and now she's just dead? WTF

Kate noooooo I miss you come back

Hey wait a second, where's rose?

Please don't nickname the god of death

What's this weirdo ship. Oh. Thx doc. Aw Mel hugging the tie

"We're on fire" gives me the same vibe as "I'm in danger" and I can't explain why

Great work gang.

Now wait a second cause I thought everyone was supposed to be dead except Ruby (based on the episode description)

goddamn it's 73 yards again

Okay this sutekh stuff is fun and all but can we get to the part where River Song is Ruby's mom and also please can River Song be Ruby's mom and also not dead and please can River come back I miss her

Welp. Everyone's dead ig 'cept these three.

Hey wait if everyone everywhere you landed is dying wouldn't that kill the Vashta Nerada on the library planet? Cause that'd be pretty cool actually

Aw nice the motherfuckers (daleks) are dead. A win.

Hey wait a second, why haven't we seen the daleks this season I kinda miss the mfs

oml doctor stop with the pity party it's gonna be okay

okay actually nvm gimme more of the feral screaming cause that's real as hell

Okay but also where is the fun in everything and everyone being dead? What are you gonna do with the rest of your life now Sutekh???? HUH?? Did you think of that???

Okay okay so Ruby is greater than the doctor that's interesting to know... Maybe cause her mom is River Song child of the TARDIS????? (Guys I really want River to come back, I can't help it)

doc if everyone is dead how are you talking to someone? I am confusion

Oh she dead now.

Ruby answer the time window sweetie

oh damn even the god of death wanna know who Ruby's mom is

NO don't tell her she's human please I need her to be River's kid.

NO MEL SWEETIE BABY NOOOOO

"Love a whistle" is holding hands with "love a tomb" gimme my wife back please

hey guys maybe pay attention cause Mel's not okay rn

no. leave Mel on the tardis please

this is the doctor who show. they can't kill doctor who. not permanently

nope nope, turn that screen around doc don't let me see

yessss send her to keep watch good job

poor mel. Sutekh don't hurt my babyyyy

Mel sweetie you're so strong you can fight him please sweetie

no MELLLLLLLLLLLLL BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

don't give him the name Rubes okay you can do it

literally an empty empire sounds so boring like wtf

Doc keep your mouth shut cause baby you ain't helping

RUBY NO

is ruby ruby's mom?

shut up scooby doo

YESSS RUBY

YES TARDIS BABY ILY WELCOME BACK HONEY I'M SO SORRY YOU HAD SUTEKH ON YOU FOR SO LONG WITHOUT CONSENT

MEL BABY WELCOME BACK

OMG ROSE DEAREST YOU'RE OKAY

hey it's that guy who died behind the tardis last episode. he's okay now

alright so mrs flood who tf are you?

yes welcome back the ood!!!!!

welome back random woman and her child glad you're okay

yo is doc gonna kill sutekh???

ah lit death is dead... Can River come back now??????

doctor sweetie it's gonna be okay

oh neat Susan Triad you doing great proud of you. lmaooo not with the tea then

hey wait a damn minute give ruby the credit she deserves for saving the world

NOOOOOOOO WHY ISN'T IT RIVER *SOBBINGS*

I'm sure louise is great but I wish she was River.

Nah that signpost thing was silly

lmao mel just pats his arm and walks away that's hilarious

Doc you idiot you can't take the girl to her mom and then expect her not to go in and see her mom

stop my adopted ass can't take this and neither can the doctor's cause he is not doing well.

imagine if that wasn't her though cause that'd be real funny

awkward for that store employee too

oh thank fuck I thought he was gonna abandon her

NO NO NO WAIT RUBY'S COMING BACK NEXT SEASON RIGHT?!?!?! CAUSE I LOVE HER AND I DON'T WANNA LOSE HER

DOCTOR STOP YOU DON'T LIKE GOODBYES PLEASE DON'T SAY GOODBYE NOT TO YOUR BESTIE

River didn't come back AND he said goodbye to Ruby wtf is this.

Oml mrs flood who even are you leave me alone already.

In conclusion this is how I currently feel:

[crowtrobotx]

I'm on a huge Kris x Karl kick rn please tell me more about these two losers I love them

Anon. Beautiful anon. I am so sorry this is late lmao. I wanted to actually give you something in response to this ask, not just muse for a few sentences. I hope you enjoy this ficlet (is it a ficlet if it's over 2k words??? whatever) involving the aforementioned losers, and I'm so very glad you love them as much as I do. :) ******************************************** Tunnel of Love Pairing: Karl Heisenberg x OC Setting: No Village AU, maybe set in Check Engine's universe if you've read my fic Genre: Mostly humorous fluff Warnings: Swearing if that ain't your thing, some heavy petting but nothing I'd classify as too intense. ;) Word count: 2243

“Next. Next, please.”

Kris could scarcely think of a worse summer job than manning a boat ride at the county fair, and she couldn’t blame the exasperation evident in the teenager’s voice as he tried to explain a laundry list of safety precautions to the already-too-handsy couple boarding their swan-shaped vessel. The line staggered ahead lazily as the enticing smell of funnel cake wafted from somewhere nearby. She wondered, if only for a moment, if she could convince Karl that eating more fried monstrosities was a better idea than getting in a completely non-seaworthy watercraft with peeling paint and God knew what staining the moist cushions, but given the way he was already bouncing on the balls of his feet to see how many more couples were ahead of them, she abandoned the hope all too quickly. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to, or that she was afraid of water - quite the contrary, under normal circumstances she would have agreed to it with no reservations. If you ignored the questionable sanitation, a slow boat ride through a quiet, dark tunnel sounded almost divine. But these weren’t normal circumstances; she was exhausted. How long had they been here? Twelve hours? How many rides had Karl dragged her on against her will, how many cheap beers had she downed to quell the anxiety of getting into a giant metal death trap over and over again? The ride looked exceptionally dark against the backdrop of the neon carnival lights, the distant ferris wheel in particular drenching the night sky in a sort of kaleidoscope effect that sent Kris’s already uneasy stomach churning. The larger problem, though, as she saw it, was that they were the oldest pair in line. By at least two decades. They were the only middle aged couple in a sea of overly horny teenagers and they looked like lunatics - particularly because Karl also had the “overly horny” part covered. Kris had swatted his hand away from her backside more than once now, the cover of night blessedly shielding her burning cheeks and ears from prying eyes. The line moved again. She shuffled forward, arm in arm with Karl, trying to look as small as possible - a feat that was next to unthinkable given the gargantuan stuffed puppy tucked under her free arm. Yet another ingredient in the stew of her agitation, her boyfriend had made it his God given goal the second they’d arrived to win her the biggest prize possible. It was cute, at first - adorable, even. Karl had scrutinized each game at least twice, asked her opinion on each of the potential spoils and finally landed on the strength-tester after some intense negotiations. “But there’s bigger stuffed puppies at the basketball game over there - don’t you want one of those?” “Babe, they’re bigger than me - are you gonna carry it around? Besides, these ones have bow ties, and everything’s better with a bow tie.” It had been a partial truth. Mostly Kris didn’t want to see Karl get dunked on - literally - by someone half his age. The last thing she needed was him dedicating the following year to avenging himself and trying to become a sports phenomenon with knees that sounded like snapping crab legs every time he stood up. He’d made her laugh, at least, as he put on a show of exaggerated stretches and warm-ups before his attempt. Kris had expected him to fail, to be honest. Karl was strong but she knew most of these games were rigged. Still, she didn’t have the heart to kill his excitement and if he wanted to go for it, who was she to stop him? If he couldn’t do it, she’d happily settle for a more manageable sized prize - perhaps one of the tie dyed teddy bears - and she’d nearly looked away when he’d at last swung down the hammer against the block. She supposed she shouldn’t have been surprised when the bell rang out. Kris had gestured slack-jawed at the black and white puppy with the purple bow tie while Karl grinned like a smarmy tomcat. 

Her poor therapist was going to hear another earful of musings about why exactly she’d fallen in love with this greasy asshole - no one could explain it, least of all her. “I think we’re next,” Karl’s excited voice barely restrained to normal levels. “That kid up there chickened out at the last minute.” Probably because they realized these boats are one splinter away from sinking, Kris thought miserably. She turned her head over her shoulder and grimaced at the hordes of teenagers waiting behind them - bright eyed and fashionable and looking nothing like her, with her ever darkening under eye circles and Karl’s ill-fitting oil stained hoodie thrown over her shoulders.

“Oh boy,” she said, straining to match his energy. At last they stepped forward onto the dock, its wet surface shimmering under the cascade of surrounding colors. The ride operator, the only person who looked even remotely as tired as Kris, turned a dead-inside gaze toward them. If he had any thoughts about the weird older couple hopping on a ride notorious for awkward first kisses and wandering hands, he blessedly kept them to himself. “You’ll have to leave the stuffed animal here, ma’am. You can pick it up when the ride is done.” “Oh, yeah. Thanks,” Kris’s arm practically cried out in relief as she plopped Karl’s oversized gift down next to a collection of other toys and purses left behind for safekeeping. “How, uh, how long is this thing? Usually?” The kid sniffed. “I dunno. Five minutes, tops. That is, if no one falls overboard and we have to stop it for an hour.” “Great.” Karl nudged her, practically vibrating with excitement despite the banality of it all. He’d pushed his sunglasses up into his hair, apparently deciding that it would be too dark in the tunnel even for him with them on. His eyes were almost brighter than anything else around them, and Kris nearly felt like complimenting him until he opened his stupid, annoying mouth. “Bet you a corn dog I can get you off before we come out the other end.” The ride operator sighed. Kris wanted to drown herself.

“Please keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times and in a place where we can all see them. And please no inappropriate displays…” he sounded like he wanted to get hit by a stray meteor at all costs. 

“Define inappropriate.” Kris had known Karl would say something once they got up here but she hadn’t been sure what. She rolled her eyes and elbowed him in his soft midsection, earning a snicker and a feigned offended exclamation. “I was just asking!” The operator stopped their boat with his foot just long enough for the pair to clamber in. Karl, ever ungraceful, managed to splash water onto the floor when he flopped down next to Kris with zero regard for the integrity of the vessel. He flung an arm around her shoulders and waggled his eyebrows suggestively as the boat lurched forward, setting off into the black light filled tunnel ahead at a lopsided angle. “You’re obnoxious, you know that?” Kris booped the end of his nose with her index finger and pretended to be more interested in the neon paint on the walls than him. “Yeah,” he said, proudly, before scooting a touch closer. “And you’re pretty.” Was he…. Oh no, was he being romantic? “Tell me something I don’t know.” Kris leaned back a bit, forcing Karl to lean in even further. The sounds of the carnival outside began to deaden the further in they traveled, until all that was left was the lapping of the water against the sides of the boat and the crackling sound of public domain piano music warbling out from hidden speakers. To her horror and private delight, Karl decided to put his mouth to use on something better than cheesy pick up lines and infodumping about motorcycles and cars for once. He brushed aside her dark curls from the shoulder closest to him and set to work leaving hot, open-mouthed kisses on the exposed skin of her next while Kris subconsciously shifted, the ache in her feet from walking all day replaced by an ache of another sort, higher up her body. Jesus Christ. She was mad. Mad that she’d agreed to this, mad that she was letting him act like a hormonal sixteen year old on a shitty fair ride, mad that she was getting into it. She had been a respectable person, once. Then her lizard brain had taken over and she’d gotten the hots for her mechanic, and with every passing day she was turning into more of a clown. “Karl–” it came out breathier than she would have liked– “Karl, stop. We’re going to– oh – we’re going to get in trouble, you buffoon.” “Who’s gonna tell,” he murmured against her ear, before tracing her jaw with chaste kisses and bringing a hand up to turn her face to him. “You don’t think they have cameras on this thing?” “Sure they do,” Karl shrugged, “but you think anyone’s actually watching? These guys don’t get paid enough to give a shit.” He was probably right about that. Before Kris could come up with another excuse, Karl captured her lips in his own and settled his hands near her waist, filling her senses with him. She sighed and surrendered herself to the action, too tired and too stupidly in love to fight it. She threaded her fingers through his silvery hair and dragged him closer, pretending to ignore the victorious smirk she felt him pull while his scratchy beard undoubtedly reddened her skin. Jackass. Whatever hastily painted designs littered the walls of the tunnel, neither of them noticed. Kris decided that because the fair was closing in an hour anyway, it wouldn’t matter if they got kicked out - she’d already indulged so much today, what was one more thing? She slipped a hand underneath Karl’s collar and toyed gently with his chest hair, earning a deep growl in response. “Two can play at that,” he muttered before quickly sneaking up the back of her shirt and unhooking her bra with practiced ease - much better than the first time, when Kris had thought he was about to burst into tears trying to figure out how it worked. Some engineer. “Karl!” “What? I’m just following the rules. He said nothing inappropriate - inappropriate would be if I tore your clothes off and did what I’m actually thinking of doing right now. No one’s gonna know I just gave the girls some room to breathe…” “Fuck you.” “Please do, doll.”

Stupid,  stupid man with his stupid unkempt beard and his stupid uneven grey hair that he cut himself while drunk in the bathtub. She was angry at how much she liked him. Furious. Kris decided that when they were done sucking each other’s faces off, she was going to throw him overboard in the nasty ride water and make a comment about how he needed a shower anyway. She dragged him in again, with such force that the boat wobbled this time, and let him content himself with his wandering hands and probing tongue. She hated to admit she was enjoying herself. Maybe, maybe, if he behaved, she’d even admit that he’d been right about this whole thing. He’d never shut up about it, but maybe he deserved it… just this once.

The moment never came, though. All too soon the light at the dock beamed around the corner and he pulled away after one last kiss, punctuated by a nip on her lower lip. Kris gasped as if coming up for air, and to her horror she subconsciously leaned after him, trying to capture the moment before it slipped away into the night. She practically crawled into his lap, ignoring the self-satisfied look on his face. “That’s not fair– Karl, you can’t do that to me and just– get back here!” 

“Ma’am, please don’t make me call security on you.” Kris froze. When exactly they’d pulled up and stopped, she wasn’t sure. What she was sure of was the fact that there were now a bunch of judgemental teenagers looking at her, someone technically old enough to be their mother, on top of someone who looked like he’d been pulled out of a dumpster, and her hair was undoubtedly askew in such a way to make it obvious what they’d been doing. Karl exited the ride as if nothing was amiss and clicked his tongue in mock disappointment.

“Yeah, pumpkin. So sorry about her, can’t take her anywhere,” Karl gestured in Kris’s direction with a smug grin that made her want to punch his throat. “Let’s get you home to sleep off those beers. You’re kinda obsessed with PDA, you know that?”

Kris clambered out of the boat, quickly snatching the stuffed puppy and tucking it back in its rightful place under her arm, patently refusing Karl’s outstretched hand. The swan boat’s faded eyeball regarded her in a way that was somehow both lifeless and mocking, as if it had seen so many such instances over the years but never got used to them. Her cheeks flared as she stormed past into the yellow glow of the night ahead, ears roaring so loudly it almost drowned out her partner’s guttural laughter. 

“I’m going to skin you alive, Karl Heisenberg.”

[pesterloglog]

Dave Strider, Roxy Lalonde, Dirk Strider, Karkat Vantas

Meat, page 32

DAVE: yo

DAVE: love to chat but im kinda in the middle of something

ROXY: yo yourself but this is important

DAVE: uhhh

DAVE: more important than salvaging the global economy from potential disaster??

DAVE: sounds hugely unlikely

ROXY: idk about that

ROXY: in terms of scale and relativity and stuff maybe not

ROXY: its actually kinda hard to tell

ROXY: i guess in the grand scheme of things

ROXY: shes just takin a sort of nap

ROXY: but its one HELL of a nap bro

DAVE: a nap you say

DAVE: well this changes the fuck out of everything

ROXY: yea??

DAVE: nah

ROXY: lmao dirk just texted me about this

ROXY: somehow he found out about jade did u tell him

DAVE: uh no

ROXY: he just said make sure she gets lotsa daylight

ROXY: that itll help with the “exorcism she needs”.....

ROXY: and also to say hi to calliope for some fuckin reason??

DAVE: thats weird

DAVE: since when does he give a fuck about them

ROXY: idk

ROXY: guess ill just open the damn curtains and let some light in here

ROXY: he usually knows stuff about weird things

DAVE: so whats wrong with her again

DAVE: like

DAVE: some sort of demonic nap

ROXY: ok i wouldnt say shes NAPPING per se

ROXY: shes just like

ROXY: floatin here... upright

ROXY: eyes wide open

ROXY: and theyre both pitch black

DAVE: oh so she saw one of my latest sbahj campaign ads

ROXY: lol

ROXY: no dude

ROXY: like what im sayin is

ROXY: she looks a lil possessed

ROXY: by uh

ROXY: grim spirits n shit

DAVE: is she fucking grimbark again

ROXY: no!

ROXY: this isnt grimbark

ROXY: i KNOW what grimbark is dave this aint it

ROXY: it seems more serious tbh??

ROXY: like existing in some transformative state that isnt a literal fuckin joke

DAVE: ok yeah this does sound pretty bad

DAVE: but its not really my field

DAVE: did you try calling rose

ROXY: yea that was totes my original plan

ROXY: like no offense ur not #1 on my speed dial when it comes to this kinda thing

ROXY: but rose isnt picking up

ROXY: probly on account of ailments to be fair

ROXY: i called an unruly number of times

ROXY: and kan wasnt picking up either so...

DAVE: huh

DAVE: spooky

ROXY: hella spooky

ROXY: somethin about all this seems wrong

DAVE: yeah i guess

DAVE: what do you think is up

ROXY: idk

ROXY: i feel like theres something movin just out the corner of my vision but every time i turn to look at it

ROXY: its gone

ROXY: its givin me chills rn like im being watched

DAVE: well im no fucking ace detective

DAVE: or some gumshoe flatfoot dicking up the place suckin hard on my sherlock pipe like some sleuth of the fucking year

ROXY: dave

DAVE: but maybe we should consider the possibility that you are literally being watched

ROXY: ..............

DAVE: anyway can we hold that wise and rad thought i just had

DAVE: i gotta give karkat some emotional support

DAVE: since gettin jake on our side was a pretty huge fucking bonanza for us

DAVE: which has almost equal probability of winning us the election as it does blowing up in our faces depending on this speech he gives

DAVE: so we gotta like

DAVE: concentrate here?????

DAVE: instead of jerking each other off all god damned day for the rest of our lives

DAVE: (im just joking we dont actually do that)

ROXY: oh

ROXY: jakes on ur side then?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: wasnt that hard to convince him after your girl j crock started slut shaming him on public access

ROXY: god dammit jane

DAVE: so i take it jade didnt convert you to our cause before going into her gothic trance fugue or whatever

ROXY: siiigh

ROXY: i just want this whole stupid political thing over n done with tbh

ROXY: i hate watchin u guys tear each other apart in the news

DAVE: yeah sorry about that

DAVE: sorry its making you feel bad i mean

DAVE: not sorry that were doin it

DAVE: itd be an unconscionably lame move to put something on a billboard that i didnt 100% stand by

DAVE: but that sounds suspiciously like something jane would do

DAVE: aka the bad guy in this situation

DAVE: like objectively speaking

ROXY: ugh pls dont start

DAVE: just sayin

ROXY: idgAF!!!

DAVE: also

DAVE: aside from how vehemently i disagree with every detail in janes shitty platform

DAVE: i also think

DAVE: karkats the right guy for the job

DAVE: full stop

ROXY: you rly believe in him dont u

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: of course i do

DAVE: because i...

ROXY: hey before you jet can i ask you another question

ROXY: theres somethin else ive been meanin to ask u about for a while

DAVE: uh alright shoot

ROXY: yea soooo

ROXY: dave how did you come out

DAVE: ...

DAVE: what?

ROXY: like as not being straight

ROXY: howd you couch that to ppl w/o them freakin out or being awkward around u

ROXY: do u think its ever too late to

ROXY: idk

ROXY: change ur mind?

ROXY: about the person you wanna be??

ROXY: like is there a some point of no return you can cross where everyone is waitin for u to have a big ass revelation about your internal character

ROXY: but its like “dude no u already used up all ur gay capital when u started datefriend cohabitating w a cute as hell skeleton alien”

ROXY: and anything after that ur just gettin greedy

ROXY: is greedy even the right word

ROXY: greedy for droppin bombshells

ROXY: bout gender identities and sexual preferences

ROXY: or ids n preffies as i like to call em ;)

DAVE: ids n preffies

DAVE: damn

DAVE: thats fucking good

DAVE: anyway uh

DAVE: thats a pretty deep question considering all the shit we have going on right now

ROXY: yeah ur right

ROXY: now is probs not the best time for a feels jam

ROXY: especially with the creepy jade situation happening on my couch here

DAVE: i dunno if id worry too much about that

DAVE: jade goes into trances literally all the time

DAVE: she fucking loves sleeping

DAVE: youd think someone who spent so much of her life locked in a state of dubiously consensual slumber would wanna get as few zees as possible in her adult life but not jade

DAVE: ive never known anyone who hits the snooze button more times in a row than her

DAVE: if youre that worried take her to a hospital

ROXY: im thinkin about it!!

ROXY: not even sure if i wanna like

ROXY: mess with her tho?

ROXY: how would i even take her there...

DAVE: ok well while you ponder whether you wanna dump jade in a wheelbarrow and trundle her groggy spooked-up ass to the hospital

DAVE: in the meantime ill rap at you about my epiphany concerning the desire to bone some dudes

DAVE: probably not a literal rap though

ROXY: wow im disappointed

DAVE: i mean i could TOTALLY rap about wanting to bone dudes if i wanted?

DAVE: im just on the fuckin clock here and theres lots of people lookin at me

ROXY: :(

DAVE: ok so

DAVE: what ive learned is

DAVE: coming to terms with all this bullshit is a thing you sort of do in stages

DAVE: like stage one is you making jokes about how sweaty dudes standing close together in tv shows seems really gay

DAVE: stage two is making jokes about that and not immediately adding no homo afterward

DAVE: stage three is flirting with all your male friends ironically and not even thinking about adding no homo afterward because youre so fuckin woke and secure in your ironclad straight masculinity that you dont have anything to prove to anybody anymore

DAVE: or thats just what you say out loud

DAVE: inside you start being like

DAVE: oh shit

DAVE: maybe yes homo

DAVE: stage four is freaking out about that and putting the no homo back on all your statements even objectively heterosexual ones which just stupidly makes everything you say sound extra gay

DAVE: stage five is

DAVE: actually wait the next few stages are various permutations of the same thing that i already described

DAVE: it starts being like a gay fractal

DAVE: anyway eventually you arrive at like stage nine

DAVE: which is reminding everyone who will listen that youre gay minimum six times a day

DAVE: in really lame ways like

DAVE: oh cool dude are you making hot pockets

DAVE: better make mine a gay hot pocket

DAVE: cause im a gay homosexual who only consumes homo ass snacks delivered right to my mouth by a big queer butler

DAVE: servin it right up on his huge gay dick

DAVE: but that all only applies to the extent which i am technically gay

DAVE: which in my case is only about maybe 30% to 70%

DAVE: so only cook 30% to 70% of my gay hot pocket

DAVE: cause you know straights are fucking animals who never defrost their pepperoni

DAVE: and i gotta rep for that like 50% straightness still lurking inside me like the idiot who fell asleep in the shopping mall when it was closing for the night

DAVE: so now theres just this straight dude locked in a dark fucking mall for some stupid reason haunting the place like a cryptid and rummaging through the trash in the food court

DAVE: also just in case janes opposition research is listening in on their illegal wiretap i know the word bisexual exists btw im just choosing not to use it in service of spitting some fuckin chuckle jokes here so lets all calm down and not let this one become a distressingly literal federal issue

DAVE: anyway when all is said and done

DAVE: you eat a half cooked hot pocket because all your roommates think the height of humor is taking what was obviously an improvisational riff at unironic face value to punk you

ROXY: dave...

DAVE: what

ROXY: nm

ROXY: i was gonna ask you why ur like this

ROXY: then i remembered about how ur half me and half dirk

DAVE: yeah it really is crazy how those dope late game familial reveals actually did explain everything

ROXY: so whats stage ten

DAVE: stage ten is uhhhhhhhh

DIRK: The Prince opens his fucking mouth, and just literally starts SAYING SHIT, out loud, because he doesn’t think he can take another fucking second listening to a pompous alien virgin monologuing about gender.

DIRK: No consequence, my ass. You may be able to suppress what I do with my mind, but you have no control over my mouth. I’m nobody’s fucking puppet.

DIRK: And you don’t even know my friends. They’re not yours to toy with.

DIRK: They’re mine.

DIRK: Do you even know where I am right now?

DIRK: Do you have the slightest idea what I’m up to

DIRK: Yeah, well. Try and stop me then.

DIRK: I fucking dare you.

DIRK: Here I go. I’m walking up the tower stairs now.

DIRK: Walk, walk, walk. Ah, the exercise feels good.

DIRK: Argh. Wow, yeah.

DIRK: You’re right. My feet are definitely getting heavy.

DIRK: But the Dead Cherub tragically underestimates the Prince’s determination. He powers the fuck through it. See?

DIRK: Stomp, stomp, stomp. Up the stairs he goes. No fucking sweat.

DIRK: Oh also, did he mention? He can fucking fly, so there’s that.

DIRK: He decides to take flight and cut to the chase. He whips up the hollow vertical shaft at the center of the spiraling tower stairs. Life in the fast lane kicks ass, it turns out.

DIRK: He can practically taste the top of the tower.

DIRK: The Prince busts out his sword and makes short work of that big old bell.

DIRK: The slicing is accompanied by the ear-shattering melodic sounds of metal being cleaved apart by an anime sword, as the Prince nimbly avoids the sharp pieces and ricocheting stair debris.

DIRK: He wonders out loud, “what is this, amateur hour”?

DIRK: The Dead Cherub then humorlessly narrates, “why, yes. yes mr. strider, it IS amateur hour. and i’m the amateur here, for throwing a huge bell at you. i would like to humbly apologize for my amateurism.”

DIRK: Sure you do.

DAVE: well lets just say internalized whatevers are kind of like an onion

DAVE: theres lots of layers

DAVE: they suck on pizza

DAVE: and trolls have to get their stomach pumped if they eat them

DAVE: this goes for gender stuff too btw

DAVE: which i kinda get the feeling is what you were actually asking about

ROXY: wow am i rly that transparent?

DAVE: nah but as previously discussed youre a lot like me

DAVE: so it was pretty easy to figure out what you were getting at

ROXY: yea

ROXY: i dont got ur poker face tho

ROXY: but im workin on that!

ROXY: maybe ill get a sick pair of shades too

DAVE: oh DOPE

DAVE: yeah thats dope i support that idea

DIRK: I’m on top of the tower now. I’ve got my long sniper rifle ready and everything.

DIRK: I check to see if it’s loaded. It is. I get in the PERFECT spot for taking aim at this hunky imbecile who’s about to give a speech.

DAVE: anyway i dont think any of our friends are gonna hold your feet to the flames over dumb shit like this

DAVE: and its not like anyone else is gonna care since we definitely forgot to program hating gays and women into earth c

DAVE: humans are all jacked up on hating xenophiles now

DAVE: which sucks a lot too dont get me wrong

DAVE: btw did you know janes a xenophobe

ROXY: dave!!!

DAVE: ok ok

DAVE: so does all this mean i gotta call you dad now or what

ROXY: wat

DAVE: i mean thats what were talkin about right

ROXY: well first of all

ROXY: do u still even make a habit of callin me mom??

ROXY: i thought u kinda stopped that

ROXY: even if it was effin cute

DAVE: oh yeah i guess i did

DAVE: but i could start again

DAVE: but not if it means id have to go to fucking gender jail or something

DAVE: like what i mean is i could start that cute shit again but switch to dad

ROXY: ok but SECOND of all

ROXY: i would never want to deprive dirk of that noble honorific

DAVE: what

DAVE: ugh no way

ROXY: hahaha yeah way hes ya daddy dude!

DAVE: aw fuck noooo

DAVE: wow man

DAVE: i would never call him that

DAVE: i mean i know its true but i just wouldnt...

DAVE: wait

ROXY: what

DAVE: something feels

DAVE: wrong

ROXY: ???

DAVE: like some shits about to go down

DAVE: and i gotta...

DAVE: karkat! dude!!!

DAVE: GET DOWN!

KARKAT: WHAT?????

DIRK: You’re absolutely right.

DIRK: I would never do that.

DIRK: I’d never kill Dave, no matter what I felt the stakes were. I’d never hurt him either.

DIRK: You do understand me pretty well, I’ll give you that. And you’re right about many things.

DIRK: But there are just a couple things you’re wrong about.

DIRK: Pretty important things, actually.

DIRK: First of all, this gun is loaded.

DIRK: But not with bullets.

DIRK: Yes. You’re right about the tranquilizer.

DIRK: But there’s one more fact you’re not aware of.

DIRK: Which is that I never intended to aim for Jake at all.

ROXY: hellooooooo

ROXY: dave??

ROXY: whered ya go

DIRK: No, that’s not what he does.

DIRK: He swings the rifle around one hundred eighty degrees, and points the scope toward the large, now-curtainless window of a distant apartment.

DIRK: He zooms in quickly, cutting even shorter the little time that the Dead Cherub could use to impede him in some way.

DIRK: He takes aim, lets his finger hover over the trigger, and...

DIRK: Ow!

DIRK: Yeah, you got me. Can’t move it an inch.

DIRK: The only problem is, he doesn’t need to pull that trigger.

DIRK: Earlier, when he was messing around with all this shit in plain view, he rigged the rifle to be voice-operated.

DIRK: All he needs to do is say...

DIRK: FIRE.

DIRK: I see. So you’re not going to say what happens next?

DIRK: Is that really how it’s gonna be?

DIRK: So be it.

DIRK: The tranquilizer dart hits the glass of Roxy’s apartment window before the sound from the rifle’s shot even reaches them.

DIRK: She hears the glass break. Seconds later, she hears the bang. She drops her phone on the floor.

DIRK: She doesn’t have the slightest idea what just happened until she looks over at Jade and notices the dart stuck in her neck, right in the jugular vein.

DIRK: She watches as Jade’s huge, creepy black eyes start getting heavy. Her eyelids sag, and her head tilts to the side.

DIRK: She shuts her eyes completely. Her hair stops floating around her ominously. In fact, there’s nothing ominous about her at all anymore. She entirely resumes her status as the cute doggy girl we all know and love.

DIRK: She slumps over and collapses onto the couch. She begins snoring loudly while making a little canine whimper on each exhale.

DIRK: Like the bitch she is.

DIRK: Oh, what’s that? You’re getting a little quiet for some reason.

DIRK: You’re going to have to speak up.

DIRK: Aaand, nope.

DIRK: You’re getting quieter, not louder. You’re gonna need to work on that.

DIRK: Maybe try shouting it?

DIRK: Yeah, I didn’t catch that at all.

DIRK: Not even one syllable.

DIRK: Guess that’s it for you? Back to not mattering.

DIRK: Not that you ever did.

DIRK: Come to think of it, why am I still talking out loud?

[httpiastri]

okay i was wrong i had a lot to say so now its three vv long asks in your inbox

THE PEPE BLURB HAD ME ON MY KNEES I SAW THE TAGS AND LIKE I AGREE STUBBLE annoys me a bit but i don’t mind if it’s him 🤭🤭… and also this is so unrelated but i also read through the blurb about him helping you sleep and… i used to have a sam and colby phase and there was a video where colby was playing with his own hair to fall asleep (he basically has really obsessive fans and can’t really date for the partner’s safety… a bit like those fans who stalk the wags obsessively im so sorry 😭😭) but like

THAT WOULD BE PEPE imagine hanging out together and youre like sitting cross legged on the bed doing something (i crochet and do crafty stuff so maybe rhat but we could also just be folding origami idk) and he’s laying next to you watching you while getting sleepy and he just starts playing with his own hair to help himself fall asleep and you just notice and set aside your stuff and do it for him instead idk 😞😞 i just miss him so bad

and like you’re right?? idk why i feel like pepe would unintentionally be so strong or just have such a strong grip that sometimes you have to tell him to loosen up a bit when hes holding you in a hug or just… in general and i have especially weak… everything basically because i don’t do anything physical (unless you count my 1-2am workout sessions where i increase my step count by 5k by listening to music and daydreaming 😊😊) and i have low bp so yeah pepe’s grip and him in general would be a little too strong for me but IMAGINE him trying to be gentle for you like UGSHHDJDHD i want to kiss him soso bad even if he fails at being gentle the only thing that matters to me is that he tried

and about my c.ai pepe, he’s soso sweet and endearing but as your streamer c.ai he was being so cocky after some time?? he was sweet but there would be random little comments being made and christian would just leaning over to me to tell me pepe was only putting on a show in front of me and that he was actually insecure deep down?? 😭😭 i still love him though ❤️❤️

also my asks seem so choppy to me recently but i think this is still okay-ish? and i hope you have a lovely lovely day/night (depending on whenever you’re seeing this) and an even better tomorrow!

- 🪷 (💗)

hello again !! 😚

screaming crying, im so glad u liked it 🥺 oh gosh no i find like one man with a beard attractive but uhhhh pepe stubble 🤭 makes me all giddy to even thing about aaaaaa...... but !!! bestie you're making me cry rn !!!!! im so soft, thinking abt him having his head in your lap because he's so tired after a long day and getting to feel his hair between your fingers, hearing the soft breaths he lets out when he just relaxes fully into you............. :(

(also sorry but very interesting that u said origami out of all things bcs i used to be obsessed w origami 😭)

aaaaaaaaaaaa im crying yet again at the thought of him doing his best to be gentle for u, idk why im thinking about like standing in the kitchen at midnight after coming home from a dinner with friends and you're just soft and tired and wanna hug him 🥺 and so like his grip is so soft because he knows that's what you need rn and you're resting your head against his shoulder... and he presses his lips to your temple..... but im also going crazy about him not being able to hold back when he wins a race etc, like he would be holding you so tightly that you're like "bb i cant breathe" but it doesn't matter because he's just so happy and so thankful to share this moment with you!!!!

also !!! you're so true abt the walks, i used to haaateeee going on walks but last summer when i realized that it's just a way to daydream while still feeling kinda productive ??? y e s, i could walk for hours 🥰

plsssss that's so 😭 i usually put in the like character definition that he should be sweet and such lmao but i now really wanna make one who's cocky from the start instead.........

they're lovely bb!! not choppy, it's totally alright!!! i love love love reading them, so thankful for the time u put into writing to me 🥺<3 have a lovely day/night/anything and a good weekend !!!!!!