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insanityclause · 7 months ago

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Over the past 13 years, Tom Hiddleston has died more times than he can recall. “Let me think about this,” the actor tells us, pausing to count in his head. “I think, officially, there were two big ones.”

He’s referring to his many exits from the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the blockbuster franchise in which he’s played shape-shifting Norse god Loki Laufeyson since Kenneth Branagh’s 2011 film “Thor”—the son of Asgardians Odin (Anthony Hopkins) and Frigga (Rene Russo), and the half-sibling of Thor (Chris Hemsworth), the god of thunder.

The character has since bounced between villain and reluctant antihero across five films, a handful of post-credits scenes, and Michael Waldron’s Disney+ spinoff series “Loki,” which Hiddleston also executive produces. The show wrapped its second—and supposedly final—season last November. The finale presents an end for the character, but not one of the aforementioned “big ones.”

Hiddleston’s first “official” farewell came in Alan Taylor’s 2013 sequel “Thor: The Dark World,” which saw the god of mischief take a sword to the chest to save his beefy brother. “As written in the first script, it was a true sacrifice,” Hiddleston says. Unfortunately for Marvel’s long-term plans, the actor had done too good a job playing the trickster.

“When Marvel [executives] were testing the movie, they’d given [viewers] questionnaires that said, ‘Is there anything you didn’t understand?’ ” he remembers. “Literally every single audience member said, ‘Well, obviously, Loki’s not really dead.’ ”

In classic comic-book fashion, the character did return, gallivanting alongside his brother in Taika Waititi’s 2017 follow-up “Thor: Ragnarok.” He died again one year later (“big one” number two) in the Russo brothers’ “Avengers: Infinity War.” There were no smokescreens or questionnaires this time; audiences watched as Loki’s neck was crushed by the purple fist of intergalactic warlord Thanos (Josh Brolin).

Hiddleston remembers arriving in Atlanta to shoot his final scene and immediately bumping into Brolin. “He came up to me, gave me this huge hug, and said, ‘I’m so sorry, man.’ ”

He meant it, too; everyone meant it. The sun, it seemed, had actually set on Hiddleston’s MCU journey. “At the end of that scene, I got a big round of applause, and everybody was so sweet and kind and gracious,” he says. “I got notes and emails saying, ‘Tom, you’ve done so much for us—what a journey. Come and see us anytime.’ I really thought that was the end.”

And it was, for real, right up until it wasn’t—when the time-traveling shenanigans of 2019’s “Avengers: Endgame” blasted a younger version of Loki out of the established canon and into his own series. Over two seasons, the multiversal storyline envisions the title character as a figure who exists outside time and space. Across all there is, was, and may come to pass, there will always be a Loki, in some form, wreaking havoc.

Hiddleston has long since accepted what this means for him as an actor. Maybe “Loki” Season 2 really was his last time in the role; or maybe he’ll play him until the sun burns out. “I’ve realized that, in human consciousness, that’s who Loki is,” he says. “Loki is this ancient, mythic character, who, in our collective mythology, represents the trickster, the transgressor, the boundary-crosser, the shape-shifter—somebody who’s mercurial and spontaneous and unpredictable who will always confound your expectations and wriggle out from underneath your certainties and convictions. Someone who we need and [who] is necessary.”

Hiddleston pauses, getting emotional. “Maybe Loki escaping death a couple of times is sort of an emblem of who he is in our culture,” he says, grinning at his own gusto. The actor has a habit of being self-deprecating about the depth of the character’s lore. “I spend a lot of time thinking about Loki. You can probably tell.”

You can tell, and it’s incredibly endearing. Talking to Hiddleston about Loki feels like discussing Shakespeare’s Richard III with Laurence Olivier or Tennessee Williams’ Blanche DuBois with Jessica Lange. They were actors who put their definitive stamps on those roles by returning to the well and constantly digging deeper.

In conversation, Hiddleston is equally as likely to reference comic-book arcs as he is the ancient, anonymous Old Norse scribes of the “Poetic Edda” or Richard Wagner’s epic four-cycle opera “Der Ring des Nibelungen.” He speaks reverently of actors who embodied the trickster god before him, like Jim Carrey in Chuck Russell’s 1994 comedy “The Mask” and Alan Cumming in Lawrence Guterman’s 2005 sequel, “Son of the Mask.” He also heaps praise on those who played the part after him, such as his “Loki” costars Sophia Di Martino, Richard E. Grant, Deobia Oparei, and—in one very surreal Season 1 moment—“some alligator they found somewhere.” He cites legendary Marvel creators Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, and Walter Simonson alongside the likes of English essayist Walter Pater and Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw, who once wrote of life as a “splendid torch” to keep burning for those who follow.

“Loki is ‘a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment,’ ” Hiddleston quotes, “and I want to make it burn as brightly as I can before passing it on to future generations.”

This level of study started before he even landed the role. He recalls the 24 hours leading up to his “Thor” audition, when he was 28 years old. After graduating from the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art in 2005, he quickly earned small-screen and stage acclaim—but he hadn’t yet achieved a major breakthrough. When he received the script for “Thor,” it felt familiar. “I remember thinking, This is almost Shakespearean, this language,” Hiddleston says. “What’s the best example I can [look to] of an actor who managed to humanize and make real this elevated world of myth?”

He found the answer in Christopher Reeve, who played the title role in Richard Donner’s 1978 blockbuster “Superman.” “He’s masterful in that film,” Hiddleston says. “In a way, it’s a similar premise: He’s a god or he’s a being from a different realm, and it’s not naturalistic in the way that we might expect. He does it so truthfully, and it’s so clear and clean and open and honest. I thought, If I can even approximate or get close to the kind of clarity that Christopher Reeve had in those films, I’ll be lucky.”

And then, the morning of his “Thor” audition, Hiddleston went for a run, “which is my habit before doing anything unusual,” he explains.

Running has remained a constant throughout the actor’s MCU tenure. At any given moment over the last decade, the god of mischief was likely doing laps around Marvel’s go-to shooting location, Pinewood Studios (now Trilith Studios) in Atlanta. “Life is movement; I really believe that,” Hiddleston says.

“I find when I’m running or walking, the repetitive nature of it relaxes the mind and allows ideas and inspiration to come from a deeper place. I see my work as an actor—especially in preparation for a project or a scene—as almost preparing myself to be open and ready to receive ideas, to receive energy from other actors, to receive energy from my imagination.”

Hiddleston found the technique particularly helpful when he was filming a scene for the “Loki” series premiere that he calls “one of the most thrilling challenges I’ve ever had as an actor.” In it, Loki has been poached from the flow of time itself by the temporality-policing Time Variance Authority and forced to watch what is, essentially, a highlight reel of his entire MCU arc. It’s one of the most deeply existential moments you’ll ever find streaming alongside the likes of “Bluey” and the “Cars” movies. Here is a man watching the sum total of his life—his hopes, his dreams, his failures, his own death—play out in a 30-second clip that ends with the cold, clinical words: “End of file.”

“I just kept imagining: If you were afforded the opportunity or forced to watch your own death as a bystander, it would bring about an existential shock and crisis unlike any other,” Hiddleston explains. “It was a scene where I thought, I don’t have a reference for how to play this. I just have to allow shock, disgust, disgrace, shame, disbelief, acceptance, incredulity, and sorrow to exist in the center of me.”

As an executive producer on the series, Hiddleston had a say as to which of Loki’s many misdeeds would play in the sequence. He chose clips like Frigga’s death in “Thor: The Dark World” and his father’s final words in “Thor: Ragnarok”—moments Hiddleston knew would most fill the character with regret. As production was preparing to shoot the scene, he asked first assistant director Richard Graves for a 20-minute warning.

“I decided to jog around the stage and internalize as many of those memories of those people, those characters, those actors [as possible]—to try and find the center of my own vulnerability,” Hiddleston says. “Part of the joy of it was just going back to basics, trying to simplify this very complex thing…. Go for a jog, get into your body, allow yourself to be open, and just be there; just feel it.”

One “Loki”-like time jump later, Hiddleston found himself in a similar situation as he was preparing to shoot his final moment of Season 2—a scene that effectively caps Loki’s 13-year arc. Across 12 episodes, the show guided its title character toward a truly heroic end: With all of existence on the verge of collapse, he steps out of time to tie the strands of every reality together. As the credits roll, Loki sits at the center of time, holding in place all that is—alone.

It’s a lot for any actor to internalize, especially one who’s performing solo in front of a blue screen. With 45 minutes to cameras rolling, episode co-director Aaron Moorhead made a suggestion. “He said to me, ‘Why don’t you go back, if you can bear it, and watch some of your work [over] the last 15 years?’ ” Hiddleston remembers. “ ‘Take it in, see what it means to you, and then carry it when you step out onto the stage.’ ”

The actor took Moorhead’s advice to heart. And suddenly, without meaning to, he was mirroring the moment that started the series: absorbing the sum total of Loki’s MCU run. But this time, his regret had been replaced with gratitude. Hiddleston watched clips from “Thor,” remembering a time when he and Hemsworth had yet to ascend to the A-list. He recalled working with powerhouses like Hopkins and Russo, and the bonds he forged with the “original six Avengers” in 2011. He thought about how fun it was to film “Thor: Ragnarok” with Tessa Thompson and Jeff Goldblum, and of the more recent friendships he found with his “Loki” castmates Di Martino and Owen Wilson.

“I thought, What Loki is doing, he is doing for his friends. And so, Tom, why don’t you do it for your friends?” Hiddleston says. “That’s where the two of us met in that moment. And then I was so grateful I had this most amazing crew, and we did it together.”

The actor is, of course, noncommittal as to whether this is actually the end of his MCU run. The franchise is scheduled out until at least 2027, and Hemsworth has mentioned his desire to make another “Thor” film. And if Loki’s past has proven anything, even the most official endings can be undone.

Either way, it seems to Hiddleston that something significant has ended, even if it’s just Loki’s full-circle arc. “I hope it feels redemptive because his broken soul is partially healed; and you see that this character, who is capable of love, has made a decision from and for love,” he says. The actor cites the “beautiful prologue” of the first “Thor” film, in which Hopkins’ Odin tells his two sons: “Only one of you can ascend to the throne, but both of you were born to be kings.”

“At the end of Season 2, Loki is sitting on a kind of throne; but it’s not arrived in the shape he expected, and there’s no glory in it,” Hiddleston explains. “There’s a kind of burden, and he’s alone. He’s doing it for his friends, but he has to stay there without them. There’s a poetic melancholy there which I found very moving.”

For now, Hiddleston “can’t even conceive” of his life without Loki. He only hopes that he’s lived up to his guiding ethos as an actor, which he sums up with a plea from E.M. Forster’s 1910 novel “Howards End”: “Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its height.”

“The feedback loop for actors is that we get to inhabit a fiction,” Hiddleston says. “But hopefully, that fiction bears the shape of a truth that we recognize about life—that what we do reflects the ups and downs, the peaks and troughs, and the breadth and profundity of all of our lives.”

Hiddleston exists in that space between fiction and reality, the work and the resulting art, the prose and the passion. Long after we’ve moved on from our interview and started casually discussing the cherry blossoms blooming in New York, his eyes light up. He’s made another connection, remembered one more thing—just one last thing he’d like to impart about Loki.

He spends a lot of time thinking about Loki. You can probably tell.

“I’m so aware that the reason I’ve been able to play him for so long is because of the audience’s curiosity and passion,” Hiddleston says. “I’ve been delighted to find that for a character of such stature, he’s remarkably human. Many of the characteristics that people connect to in Loki are deeply human feelings. That’s been the pleasure, is infusing this elevated character with humanity.”

Even then, honestly, it feels as if Hiddleston, like Loki, could go on forever. Unfortunately, outside of the MCU, time moves in only one direction. Once again, he has to run.

This story originally appeared in the June 6 issue of Backstage Magazine. Subscribe to In the Envelope: The Actor's Podcast to hear our full conversation with Hiddleston (out 6/6).

#tom hiddleston #interview #backstage magazine #loki s2 #emmy fyc

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valley-of-headcanons · 6 months ago

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I love Penny and I don't like making her worried, but imagine her just staying up late waiting for the farmer. The farmer doesn't come home till like one am, giving her anxiety from Pam not coming home till late.

Could I request a one-shot or something with this idea?

1:43 AM || penny x farmer oneshot

“what if it was all my fault? what if i drove you to it?” -- drunk, running by lizzy mcalpine

warnings: rough depictions of drinking and neglectful parenting. penny has a panic attack and yells at you a little.

requested by: anon! hi, thank you so much for the request!! this made me so upset to write oh my god, but in a good way! i love requests that let me release some emotions. i feel bad for adding more penny trauma though. anyway! hope you enjoy :)

Mining was a rough job. Yes, it earned the farm a good bit of money. It was physically strenuous, mentally draining, and all around not the best way to spend your day. Penny knew the dangers all too well, and it worried her. She hated when you spent a day in the mines. She was always worried about your health, fighting the monsters that crawled within. She was especially worried on nights like these; nights when you don't come in until one in the morning.

Sitting on the edge of her bed, Penny nervously picked at her nails. This habit had been finally beat after getting out of her old house, but it seemed to reappear on nights like this. Nights where it was just past 1:30 in the morning, and there was no sign of her beloved. Who knows what you were out there doing? She tried to trust you as much as she could, but ... with everything from her mom, it was hard.

“Mom ...?” Penny would say, her seven year old frame only covered by a thin blanket on the couch. She had fended for herself that night, stealing chips from the cabinet since Pam didn't make it home until just after 1:30. She was worried sick, shaking as she sat curled up with a stuffed animal.

Pam stumbled into the trailer, sitting beside Penny silently. She didn't say anything, just sat beside her daughter as she finished the bottle she held in her hand. It seems like Gus had to kick her out mid-drink. She always went strangely silent when she was upset.

“I-I'll uh ... I'll go to bed now, I-I was just worried ... I'm glad you're home and safe though, Mom!” Penny said with a big, gap-toothed smile. She tried her hardest to brighten Pam's day, but it always met with disappointment.

Pam didn't respond, waving her off as she laid down on the couch. She crashed, the bottle falling from her hand onto the ground. Thankfully, it didn't break. Penny walked closer, taking the bottle off of the floor. Her hands were shaking, trying not to wake her mom up. She glanced at the clock. 1:43 AM. Was every night going to be like this from now on?

Thunder cracked, snapping Penny out of her thoughts as she gazed at the clock on your bedside table. 1:43 AM. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes as she bounced her leg. Her eyes stared holes through the door, pulling the blanket onto her lap. She couldn't tell if the shaking was due to her anxiety or the cold.

Thoughts raced throughout Penny's mind. What if you were hurt? What if you were still stuck down in the mines, and you wouldn't make it home? What if you were just out on the town instead, ignoring her? Why would you ever want to come home to her, she's just a pathetic housewife. That's all she'll ever be, right? What if you picked up a bottle that Penny would have to take from you, just like she had done so many times before?

Her thoughts were silenced as she heard the click of the doorknob. Seeing you in the doorway, a little scratched up but mainly unscathed, she didn't know how to feel. She was relieved to see you safe and back again, but she was still upset. It was written all over her. Her pale face, her shaking body, her trembling lip. You saw it almost immediately.

“Hey, Pen ... everything okay? Sorry I was out late, I got a little carried away. There's not enough time in a day ... I didn't expect to see you still awake. You're always pretty early to bed when I'm around,” you said, putting your backpack down on the ground and kneeling in front of her. “... why are you upset, Pen?”

Penny didn't respond for a moment. She calculated her next statement. It came out in a squeak, getting extremely choked up. She just sniffed and stood, trying to walk off. Penny made her way down the basement stairs wiping tears, and you were on your way right behind her.

“Hey,” you said, taking her hand in yours. “Please, talk to me. I'll listen, I promise. Anything that's on your mind, I'm all ears, 'kay?”

Penny couldn't look you in the eye. Her stomach was tied in knots and her voice was trembling. “S-Sorry, I just got all worried- I didn't know where you were and if you were safe and what you were doing- and- and- I was having a lot of bad thoughts and ... I'm sorry! I- ... I don't know why I freak out like this! ... m-my mom, she- ... y'know ... you know her.”

You nodded, listening to her stammer over her words. You gently placed the palms of your hands on her cheeks, holding her face and wiping her tears. “What can I do to stop those bad thoughts? I'll do anything you ask and then some, my love. What do you need me to do from now on?”

She looked into your eyes for the first time that night. They held so much love and care for her. But they held something much more important. They held the motivation that her mother lacked. Penny's eyes started dripping even faster, wrapping her arms around your neck and pulling you close. She sobbed into your shoulder for a moment, finally feeling like she was taken care of.

“J-Just ... let me know if you're gonna be out late, or somethin' ... and why, I guess? I- ... I'm sorry for being all needy, I just ... I-” Penny stammered on once more, before being silenced by your thumb pressing to her lips.

“You don't have to explain if you don't want to. I'm here to take care of you, regardless of why. I'll try my best to let you know, and I won't let you worry like that again. You don't have to worry about me, but I know you will anyway. Because you love me. And that's perfectly okay. Is there anything that we can do right now to make it better?” you asked, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.

She sniffed, trying to calm herself down. “Can we just ... rest? I wanna lay in your arms and uh- ... forget everything, if that's okay. I don't wanna think about all this stuff anymore,” she said in a gentle tone. She was weak, remembering all of the things she went through made her weak. She needed to rest.

You picked her up and carefully laid her down on the bed. Laying down beside her, you pulled her close to your chest and ran your fingers through her hair. You turned on the TV for some background noise, but neither of you were paying attention to it. She was fast asleep, her head resting carefully on your chest. She was lulled to sleep by the sound of your gentle heartbeat. You stayed awake for a little while, holding her and making sure she felt safe. The love you two shared could push through anything, even something like this.

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beurkivol · 4 months ago

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JORGE CANT HURT US MORE ISNT ? [WISDOM SAGA EDITION | SPOILERS]

at the end of the thunder saga I was crying my eyes out. But hey, I said to myself, as an unquestioning optimist. Now that all the crew are dead, no one's going to die, so no more emotional damage, it's DONE, and he can't do the pancake thing again, Jay! Ahhhh. I was optimistic and naive. I'd forgotten that Mr Jay was as crazy as I was. Or worse. So here we go, rewinding the traumas!

Legendary :

legendary spared us quite a bit at the beginning, at least all the sweet stuff with Telemachus playing Disney princesses. Only argos got me, but then argos is ‘only’ in the animatics. well, I'm going to count the animatics because I was at the livestream.

And then antinous. It's not so much the trauma as the distress of telemachus that was touching. And I jumped up when I heard antinous' words. I was expecting threats, vulgarity, in short, for him to be hurtful, but I wasn't expecting that.

little wolf

Little Wolf was also quite calm. What I mean by that is that the trio of songs shared by Athena and Telemachus can be touching, that Antinous is worrying, the songs aren't bathed in the same dark, worrying and pessimistic atmosphere as those in Thunder Saga. Athena brings light and hope to Telemachus and you think ‘that's it, a goddess against all this rubbish, it'll be over in no time’. Even if telemachus takes a beating against antinous, he's got an impressive level up and with just a little more help from athena he'll be able to beat everyone.

We'il be fine

when we'il be fine, i screamed, because ATHENA CHARACTER ARC. Because she calls odysseus her friend, she calls telemachus good kid, because you feel the chemistry between the two and it's incredible. you feel all the hope in this song, and telemachus is definitely the reincarnation of polites. And the reference to your light is sublime.

Love in paradise

the little recap at the beginning of love in paradise is nice, especially in animatic, I was riveted. I have to admit that for Love in Paradise I was really waiting for a slightly comic song where Calypso acts like a 2 year old fangirl. I totally underestimated Jay. Already. 1. the music grabbed me right in the heart. And…. sorry but the depressive part of the song? ‘ody, get away from the lenge’. I thought polites couldn't fool me any more. LOST. JUST LET ME CLOSE MY EYES, MY OPENS ARMS. odysseus's howl at the end broke my heart. You could really feel his despair. I couldn't even see ‘im a monster now’ (not the raw raw raw version the edgy version), I just saw a depressed, borderline suicidal guy. heartbreaking.

God games

god games. i was expecting a punchy, catchy, song. A great song. But i was not expecting the end. (i do a little post about, and 2 other about athena)

in other words, ZEUS STAGGERING HIS OWN DAUGHTER, HIS FAVORITE DAUGHTER. AND HER, WALKING IN THE LIGHTNING, MOTIVED BY A VISION OF THE FAMILY SHE IS FIGHTING FOR, FALLING ON THE FLOOR IN HER OWN BLOOD AND BEGGING HIS FATHER (WHO TRIED TO KILL HER) TO LET GO HIS FRIEND AND PASSED OUT OR DYING WE DONT KNOW.

do i really need to said more ? NO.

but im going to analyse all that more i swear...

Jorge, im watching you. If athena dies, im going to do something bad.

#epic musical #epic the musical #odysseus epic #calypso epic #epic zeus #epic the wisdom saga #epic athena #epic telemachus #epic antinous #god games #love in paradise #we'il be fine #legendary #little wolf #analysis

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bonebabbles · 11 months ago

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Chapter 12: the thunderclannining

GOD I love when people call Clear Sky out. It only ever lasts like 5 minutes but it is as euphoric as the brief, blissful taste of a chocolate-covered raspberry gracing your tastebuds.

"How could you believe that I'm obsessed with being right after all the times I chose not to murder you :( ????"

"I let you eat food in land that you used to just be able to walk into, even though you're disabled! I thought you were eternally grateful :(((( IM LOSING CONTROL!!"

"YOU'RE ABANDONING US BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU DESERVE RESPECT????????"

He feels like the world's worst boss and crappiest father rolled into one monstrous fusion.

There's just one problem with all this catharsis; Thunder is still whining about Star Flower, insisting that she's going to betray Clear Sky. It's frustrating because he is wrong.

Star Flower is a lot closer to another victim of Clear Sky than a manipulator, but the narrative will not ultimately conclude this.

But at NO point does it show her actually manipulating anyone. Not even Thunder. NO she did not "manipulate" and betray him. I am once again reminding everyone that Thunder offered all that information apropos of nothing, against all warnings.

Yet, "betraying" the Clan cats by warning her father of an ambush is so unforgivable that several cats agree she should be chased out of the forest.

All this emphasis on how hurt Thunder is shows that his judgement is clouded by jealousy.

All this Star Flower whinging takes away from Clear Sky being abusive. THAT should be the major issue here. This is an entire book of Clear Sky returning to the same kind of emotional abuse he was displaying back in Thunder Rising, only without murder, and what this LONG AWAITED confrontation ends up spiraling back to is the Father/Son Love Triangle

You can't even get catharsis without some incredibly weird, unpleasant bullshit dripping into it.

Im glad that Thunder has finally come to the point where he's rejecting the dumbass statement he made when they killed One Eye together, where he was gushing about, "We're not like One Eye and never have been <3" Yes. Clear Sky IS like One Eye-- a weaker version of him, someone who got out-dictator'd and needed to call in the OTHER cats to ambush him and win his group back.

but again this is meant to be his jealousy speaking. Not straight facts. He JUST had a confrontation with Star Flower about her daddy issues and he's saying that Clear Sky fits them.

CRY ABOUT IT!!!! GET BOOHOO'D LOSER! CRY ME A RIVER AND DROWN IN IT

"I always end up alone waaaaaah!!!" fucking when in your life have you ended up alone? Someone was ALWAYS behind you to hand you a binkie and a safety blanket. When you didn't have a massive group of violent rogues to back you up, the moor cats always took your sorry ass in and clapped at you for doing the bare fucking minimum. People always nonsensically stood by you because the plot demands it, after you get them and dozens of their friends injured and killed

Here comes the binkie and the safety blanket, btw

In a good series this would have been her intentionally manipulating him, bringing out his worst traits again, encouraging him to be the worst version of himself as he once again ignores all good advice.

But Star Flower never did anything wrong. She never DOES anything at all. She's JUST Clear Sky's controversial wife that Thunder has to "get over himself" about, an item to cause conflict, a mate extra supportive of him because he "deserves" to have someone by his side unlike all the other times where people were by his side.

The pack of 3 dogs that mauled you to death wasn't enough. I wish they had guns

#WORTHY OF HIM.............#WORTHY OF THE FILTH UNDER MY FOOT #who the fuck thought this was a good romance im throwing up #Star Flower GET OUT OF THERE!!!!#OH MY GODDD #dotc hate #bones reads dotc #clear sky

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imzadi-caskett-huddy · 8 months ago

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Let's Make Love

So I’ve got a Castle playlist on my phone, and it has songs I’ve accumulated over the years that just make me think of Castle and Beckett in some way. This fic is kind of based around one of those songs–”Let’s Make Love” was released in 1999 by Faith Hill and Tim McGraw, who are an excellent couple in their own right (and oh my God, if you ever get the chance to see them on tour together, the chemistry between them onstage is ELECTRIC).

When I heard this song on my playlist recently, I was immediately flooded with the images of the infamous scene from “Always” (Including that deleted scene), and I just couldn’t get it out of my head. So I just had to write it out. I’ll include some of the words in parts of the fic, but I highly recommend looking it up on Youtube or something and listening to get the real power and emotion of the song. You won’t regret it…I promise!

I don’t own Castle…and I don’t own the song “Let’s Make Love” either…

This starts with the end scene in “Always” and will continue through the night. As such, this is very much an M rated fic. There’s lots of sex; I’m trying to keep it as romantic as possible, but still… I’m not sugarcoating it for you. Lots of sex. If you’re not comfortable reading a sex fic, you might want to skip this one.

xxxxx

Just a reminder warning…this fic contained within this chapter is 1000% rated M. Sexy times ahead. You have been warned.

Castle had just ended his call with Alexis when his phone rang again. Seeing Beckett’s face on the caller ID, he stared at it for a moment before rejecting the call. He used the remote to turn on the touchscreen monitor in his office and opened the file…Beckett’s file. He hesitated only a moment before moving the file to the trash with a heavy sigh. The knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts. There was a loud clap of thunder as he opened it, revealing Beckett, who had obviously been caught outside in the storm; she was soaking wet. “Beckett, what do you want?” he frowned.

Baby, I’ve been drifting away

And dreaming all day

Of holding you, touching you

The only thing I wanna do

Is be with you

As close to you

As I can be

She didn’t hesitate with her answer, despite his unwelcoming tone or the look on his face. “You.” She pushed into his loft, grabbed his face, and kissed him thoroughly. She wasn’t sure if he was too shocked or too mad, but when he didn’t respond, she pulled away and rested her forehead against his. “I’m so sorry, Castle…” she murmured, her voice breaking slightly. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry…” she breathed.

When she leaned in for another kiss, Castle had recovered enough to pull her away from him, staring at her face. It was tear-stained; she’d been crying for awhile…long before she got to him. “What happened?” he asked. He had to know. He needed to know why she was suddenly here after everything they’d said to each other...after he'd walked away.

“He got away, and I didn’t care. I almost died, and all I could think about was you. I just want you,” she answered him honestly. She went for another kiss, but he held back before her lips could touch his. She pulled back, completely unsure now. She had known he might reject her advances, but she hadn’t allowed herself to fully consider that possibility on her way over. Only now, it seemed as though he was rejecting them, rejecting her…she’d waited too long to tell him, and now she’d lost him.

Castle studied her for a long moment, his feelings at war inside him. He loved her…God, did he love her. But she’d hurt him, rejected him in a way earlier. And he knew her…knew her better than anyone; she might be here now saying all she wanted was him, but what if something else popped on her mother’s case? What if she had another opportunity to take a run at the guy who shot her? Would she still say all she wanted was him?

As lightning flashed outside, he made his decision. He wanted her, he loved her more than all of that…more than the hurt she’d inflicted, more than the uncertainty. He just wanted her. A loud crack of thunder sounded as he pushed Beckett back against the open door, slamming it closed with her back, as he kissed her soundly. The dams each of them had carefully constructed finally burst with that kiss; three and a half years of emotions flooded their systems, rushing to the surface.

Their mouths opened for each other, and though Beckett had begun as the aggressor, Castle quickly took charge. His mouth claimed hers with his tongue, his kiss firm and demanding…and she let him. She’d come to him that night wanting him, but he’d wanted her longer, waited a year for her…tonight she was going to give him what he wanted, show him what he waited for was worth it; tonight she was giving him herself…no more walls.

He couldn’t get enough of her…the taste of her kiss, the feel of her body pressed against his, the soft moans and pants for air as he kissed her. His mouth moved across her cheek to her neck, nipping and sucking, tasting her skin as her fingers ran through his hair and over his back, pulling him closer. And then his mouth was back on hers again, their tongues meeting in a fiery tango, stoking the fire that raged between them as they finally gave into what they’d both wanted for so long. He trailed his kisses along the other side of her neck and down her throat to her chest, pausing to unbutton her shirt and look at the scar from where she’d been shot a year ago.

As if reading his mind, she took his hand and placed it over the scar, allowing him to feel her heart beating underneath as she kissed him again. This kiss was slow, deep, passionate, allowing him to feel everything she felt for him, allowing him to feel her. She finally broke the kiss with a smile as she nuzzled his nose. Taking his hand in hers, she led him towards his bedroom.

Let’s make love

All night long

Until all our strength is gone

Hold on tight

Just let go

I wanna feel you in my soul

Until the sun comes up

Let’s make love

She led him into the bedroom, stopping beside his bed and finally dropping his hand silently. They didn’t talk; words weren’t necessary right now. Their eyes met, speaking enough for the both of them, as she gently caressed his face with her fingertips. She held his gaze as she slowly slid her shirt and bra strap over her right shoulder until his eyes moved to the bare skin. He couldn’t resist touching her, bringing his hand up to push her hair out of the way and slide his hand over her shoulder and down her back.

Her eyes closed for a moment as his fingers caressed her skin. When she opened them, she was overcome by the look in his eyes as he just stared at her bare skin. She wasn’t sure if she made the move backward to the bed, or if he gently walked her toward it, but a moment later, he slowly lowered her to the mattress. She raised up to kiss him as he pressed a knee to the mattress, moving over her. Her hands slowly moved up his biceps, gently pulling him down with her as she eased herself back to the mattress, her lips never leaving his.

He lowered himself to her, supporting his weight on his forearms as he deepened their kiss. He forced himself to go slow. He’d waited too long for this, she was too important to him for it to be over in 5 minutes because he couldn’t control himself like some teenage boy. He already knew this first time was going to be over faster than either of them wanted, but he wanted to make love to her, wanted to worship her, and he couldn’t do that if he didn’t practice some restraint.

Her fingers began working the buttons of his shirt, pulling it from where it was tucked into his pants and then pushing it over his shoulders. A soft sigh escaped his lips as he broke the kiss only to raise up enough to shrug out of the shirt and toss it to the side somewhere.

“Kate…” he started, only to be silenced by her fingertips on his lips.

“Don’t talk right now…just feel,” she whispered, meeting his eyes with a small smile, her lips covering his again. “Let me feel you…” she murmured against his lips between kisses, hooking one leg at his waist and pulling his hips down against hers.

Her words were hot, but combined with her actions they were even hotter. He groaned into her mouth, fisting the comforter on his bed to keep from coming undone right then. Once he had a little more control, he slid a hand between them, unbuttoning her shirt and peeling the wet fabric from her skin before dropping it to the floor. He wasted no time unbuttoning her jeans next, struggling more than he would admit with the wet denim as he peeled them down her legs and dropped them to the floor as well, after removing her boots and socks.

She pulled him back into a kiss as he moved back over her, her fingers sliding slowly over his chest and down to his pants. She easily unfastened his belt and unbuttoned his pants, pulling back from the kiss slightly with a playful look in her eyes as she slid the zipper down slowly, her hand purposefully brushing along the length of him as she tugged her lower lip between her teeth.

“Kate…” he groaned, having to drop his head to her shoulder for a moment to recompose himself. He wasn’t going to last if she kept doing things like that. He pressed a kiss to her collarbone before pushing himself up so he could get rid of his pants, shoes, and socks.

While he was getting rid of his pants, she shifted on the mattress so she could lie on his pillows. She watched him as he climbed back on the bed, her eyes dark with desire as she watched his muscles flex when he moved over her. She knew he was trying to take it slow, and she wanted to give him what he wanted…but she wasn’t sure she was going to be able to take him going as slow as he might want to this first time.

He gave her a smile, trailing soft kisses across her collarbone to her shoulder. His mouth nudged her bra strap as his fingers slid to her back and unhooked it. He slowly pulled it away, his eyes darkening as he took her in. He couldn’t help but lick his lips as his mouth moved to her breasts, kissing, licking, sucking.

A soft gasp escaped, and she tugged her lower lip between her teeth as her back arched, pushing her chest toward his mouth. “Castle…” she breathed, her fingers raking through his hair.

His hand slid down her side slowly as his mouth continued to work her breasts. His fingers brushed across the waistband of her panties, and he slipped his hand inside. A moan escaped her throat and she bucked her hips to his touch as his fingertips ghosted a touch between her legs and just over where she wanted him most.

“Castle…please…” she panted softly.

He pulled back slightly so he could look at her with a grin, watching her face as he gave her what she wanted, his finger slowly sliding between her legs from her core to her entrance and back. Her hips chased his touch, her eyes closing as she moaned his name lowly. He’d wanted to tease her, but the way she moaned his name had him giving her exactly what she wanted. His fingers stroked her slowly, slipping into her and using just the right amount of pressure as he built her up both from his strokes inside her and with his thumb over her core. It didn’t take long before she was flying over the edge, fingers tightening in his hair, his name falling from her lips with a few curses.

He pressed kisses along her throat, smirking against her skin, his fingers working her through her orgasm until she pushed his hand away. He shifted then, getting rid of his boxers while he waited for her, watching her breathing finally even out. When she was back with him, he gently hooked his fingers in her panties and slid them down her legs.

Their eyes met, and then he drew in a ragged breath as his eyes traveled over her body, taking her in completely for the first time. “You’re beautiful…” he murmured, completely in awe of her.

“Staring is still creepy…” she tugged her lip between her teeth a little shyly.

“Right…sorry…” he shook his head. He shifted on the mattress to reach for his nightstand. When she took his hand to stop him, he arched an eyebrow. “I’m just getting protection…”

She shook her head. “You don’t have to. I haven’t been with anyone since…” she trailed off softly, knowing he knew what she meant, but not wanting to say her previous boyfriend’s name in bed with him. “And I’m on birth control...for several months. I…wanted to be ready for you…for this...” she explained with an almost nervous smile.

“Me too…I mean, I haven’t been with anyone either since…you know…” he assured her. “I was waiting for you…ever since you asked me to…before then, really…” he added, wanting to make sure she understood that despite his attempted fling with the flight attendant, he hadn’t actually slept with her.

His words surprised her a little. She honestly thought he had been with the flight attendant; he certainly had spent enough time with her. She also hadn’t expected him to admit to waiting for her before she’d even asked him to; he hadn’t been with anyone since Gina…because of her, because he wanted her. She pulled him to her in a deep kiss as the realization hit.

“Kate…you’re sure about this?” he asked softly when they had both pulled away from the kiss.

She nodded. “Yes. I trust you…no more walls…nothing between us…”

He kissed her slowly, lacing the fingers of their joined hands as he shifted over her. He stretched their joined hands above her head, his free hand gently stroking her cheek as he pulled back enough from the kiss to meet her eyes. His thigh nudged hers apart as he settled between her legs, finally sliding into her slowly.

She gasped softly, squeezing his hand as he stretched her. It had been a little over a year, and he was not small.

“Okay?” he asked her softly, remaining still so she could adjust to him.

She nodded, caressing his cheek with her free hand. “Perfect…” she smiled, kissing him slowly. A moment later she hooked her leg over his thigh, pulling him deeper into her with a soft moan against his mouth.

He took that as his cue that she was ready and began a slow, tender pace. It took most of his concentration to keep his control, but he managed for a few moments at first, his lips meeting hers in long, breathless kisses as they moved easily together…like a well-choreographed dance they had been doing for years and not something they were doing for the first time.

It wasn’t long, though, before his movements started getting sloppier, and he dropped his kisses to her neck. His hand was still joined with hers, and his free hand gripped her hip. Their moans mixed, gradually increasing in volume as his thrusts started coming faster, harder, her body arching against his to meet him, thrust for thrust. Her free hand raked her nails down his back hard enough to leave marks, but not enough to actually break skin. Her ankles locked behind his ass and tugged him deeper into her, holding him there for a moment as she squeezed her muscles around him before letting him move again.

“Kate…” he grunted his warning breathlessly in her ear, his fingers gripping her hip hard as he fought to not lose it right there, her little trick nearly ending him too soon.

“Rick…” she practically purred his name in his ear, tugging him deeper again, her arm wrapping around him to pull him as close as she could get him. “Let go with me…” she breathed, her teeth grazing against his skin near his ear.

The way she felt in his arms, the sound of her breathless moans, the way she said his name as she pulled him in undid him. His thrusts came hard and fast, his hips grinding against her with every thrust as his control snapped. She hit her high first, seconds before he exploded inside of her with a few last thrusts as he dropped breathlessly on top of her.

Do you know what you do to me

Everything inside of me

Is wanting you

And needing you

I’m so in love with you

Look in my eyes

Let’s get lost tonight

In each other

He recovered first, trailing soft kisses along her jaw as he just watched her. He was so in love with her. He’d known that for awhile, but now…he knew she was it. The way they were together…the way she felt in his arms…the way it felt making love…he couldn’t imagine himself with another woman, ever. There was no coming back from her, no getting over her if this didn’t work. She was it.

She finally opened her eyes and met his, so intense and full of emotion as he studied her. She gently caressed his cheek, moving in for a kiss that started soft but quickly turned passionate as he rolled them so she was on top of him now. Instinctively she rolled her hips, groaning lowly as she pushed up slightly against his chest, arching an impressed eyebrow when she realized he was still hard inside her. Apparently he wasn’t quite done yet.

His hands slowly slid along her thighs as she straddled him, rocking his hips up into her. Shifting so that he was sitting with his back against the headboard, he wrapped his arms around her, kissing her hotly. “Kate…” he murmured against her neck, his hands sliding along her back.

“Hmm?” she breathed in his ear, gently tugging his ear lobe between her teeth, starting a slow, steady rhythm, rocking her hips against his.

He groaned, covering her lips with his again, his arms tightening around her. He pulled back to look in her eyes. His fingertips gently caressed her skin, and he couldn’t help but kiss her again. “I love you…” slipped out before he could stop it.

His words didn’t send her running. Instead she took his face in her hands and deepened the kiss. He still loved her. She hadn’t messed this up. She broke the kiss only when she had to breathe, resting her forehead against his. “Castle…” she breathed. “I’m so sorry…for everything…” she murmured, pressing another soft kiss to his lips before meeting his eyes. “I’m sorry I made you wait so long…I’m sorry I made you think I don’t…” she tried to explain. “I do…” she kissed him again. Somehow she realized she wasn’t making sense…and he deserved to hear the words. “I love you…” she told him. “I love you, Castle…I’m so sorry I made you think I didn’t…”

He cut off her words with a passionate kiss, gripping her tightly as he laid her back so that he was on top of her again, thrusting deeply inside her. His hands slid over her skin, touching everywhere. He couldn’t get enough of her, pulling her close, going as deeply inside of her as he physically could. He had never needed a woman the way he needed her now.

Her arms wrapped around him, keeping him close against her. Her hands worked the muscles in his back and shoulders, lightly kneading and then sliding over his skin, nails digging in slightly, his name coming out in soft moans and whimpers as he moved, touching places inside of her she’d never been touched…places she didn’t know existed…and not just physically, but emotionally.

This time when they hit their high, he fell first, but he kept going until she fell a few thrusts later. It was intense, moreso than the first time, for both of them. They laid breathless and spent, wrapped so tightly entwined with each other that it was impossible to tell where one ended and the other began.

xxxxx

Sometime later, she woke up with a slight shiver, despite having a warm body draped over her back. Her nose was cold, and her feet were cold…and she couldn’t remember how they got underneath the covers that were half off her. Her hair was still slightly damp from the rain, and her ribs and arms ached from her battle with Maddox on the roof. Then she smiled slightly as she felt the ache of some other muscles…the delicious ache that was a result of lovemaking.

She shifted slightly so that she could see him; he was sleeping peacefully. But she was cold after being out in the rain for so long, their earlier activities only warming her up temporarily. She bit her lip and finally slid out of his bed, careful not to wake him up. She figured she could use his shower to warm up and then slide back into bed without ever having to disturb him. She found her shirt and jeans and stretched them out over a chair so they would dry enough for her to be able to wear them home later…tomorrow…before making her way to his bathroom.

When she flipped on the light, she was startled by the figure in the far side of the bathroom staring at her and jumped slightly. She quickly calmed down when she realized it wasn’t a real person, just a figure from Star Wars, which made her roll her eyes at the absurdity of Castle having a life size Boba Fett in his bathroom. She then spotted his shower. It was big…luxurious; it was definitely large enough for two people to use comfortably. She contemplated waking him to join her, but quickly decided against it, deciding to let him sleep. It wasn’t like she was sneaking out…she just wanted to get warm and maybe process…everything.

As she stood underneath the water and closed her eyes, she let the heat relax her muscles…her arms and her shoulders where she had to hang on to the roof for her life, literally…her neck from the tension of the case and the aftermath…her ribs from the beating she’d taken at the hands of Maddox. She was so caught up in her thoughts as she let the heat both relax and warm her, that she didn’t hear the shower door open or Castle step inside.

“You okay?” he asked.

She jumped at the sound of his voice, her eyes popping open quickly. “Don’t sneak up on me like that,” she grumbled. “And while we’re on the subject of that…your friend out there almost gave me a heart attack. Boba Fett? Really, Castle?”

He chuckled softly. “Sorry. I didn’t realize you were getting up to come in here, or I would have warned you.”

“No you wouldn’t have,” she shook her head with a soft laugh. He wouldn’t have thought about it.

“You’re right. No, I wouldn’t have,” he smiled. “So, uh…why exactly are you up…showering…at 1AM?” he asked, trying his best not to sound nervous about what it might mean.

“Trying to get warm,” she answered him. “I was cold from the rain when I got here…and I got cold again.”

“I could have warmed you up…” he countered.

She gave him a small smile before wrapping her arms around him and resting her head against his chest. “You did at first. But then we fell asleep…and you stole the covers…” she looked up at him pointedly. “I got cold again, and you were sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you. I was just going to warm up and come back to bed,” she told him honestly.

His arms tightened around her slightly, and he gently kissed her forehead. “Well I would have happily woken up to join you in here.”

“I’m sure,” she smiled against his chest. She pulled back from him slightly, stepping back further under the water again.

His hands shifted to her hips and he followed her, about to kiss her when he saw slight bruising already appearing on her ribs. He stopped with a frown. “Kate?” he asked, his fingers gently tracing the discoloration. It was the first time he was really looking at her under actual lighting and not the soft, low lights of his bedroom combined with the moonlight and city lights coming through the window. His frown deepened as he saw a few more signs of the battle. “Tell me what happened.”

She sighed and closed her eyes, resting her head against the wall of the shower. She had anticipated he would eventually ask; she just hadn’t expected it would be because he saw bruising on her skin. “We fought…Maddox was stronger than me…a pro,” she explained softly, finally opening her eyes to meet his. “I didn’t really stand a chance in a physical altercation, even with my abilities as a fighter. I ended up hanging off the roof.”

He swallowed hard at her words. He knew her physical abilities; he'd watched her manhandle suspects twice her size easily. The fact that Maddox had no trouble at all in dealing with her sent ice through his veins. She said before that she’d almost died. He hadn’t realized hearing the details would affect him as much as it was; of course he also hadn’t imagined it was hanging from a roof, either.

“As I was hanging there, I didn’t think about my mom’s case…or my shooting…or even Maddox getting away. All I could think about was you…what I would miss. How I wouldn’t have a chance to make up with you after our fight. How the last words we spoke to each other were in anger. How I wouldn’t have a chance to finally be with you. How I wouldn’t have a chance to see what we could be together,” she continued quietly. “And then I was so sure I heard your voice. I was positive that even though you’d walked away, you came to save me…like you always do. Only it was Ryan. And I realized that I had lost you."

“Kate…” he started.

“I resigned,” she interrupted. “I’m done. I want you, I want us…I walked away from the case, from the NYPD, from everything…and came here. I just want you,” she gave a slight shrug, echoing the words she’d told him earlier.

He gently took her face in his hands and kissed her deeply, pulling her against him tightly. “I’m sorry…” he murmured against her lips. “I’m so sorry, Kate…I should have been there…”

Her hands moved to his face and she kissed him thoroughly, cutting off his words. “We both made our share of mistakes…we both hurt each other…let’s just…move forward,” she suggested softly, resting her forehead against his. This was their chance. She thought she’d missed it, but here she was…with him. She wanted this, she wanted him, and she wasn’t wasting the second chance she’d gotten. Everything else she’d figure out later.

She really was the most extraordinary, remarkable woman he’d ever met. He kissed her slowly, passionately, his arms moving back around her as he pulled her body as close against him as he could get her. Her arms wrapped around him as she returned his kiss, every bit as passionately, her leg hooking at his hip. He took the cue and lifted her, allowing the wall of the shower to help support her weight as she slid down on him slowly with a low moan, her legs wrapping around his waist. His thrusts were slow and deliberate, his arm remaining around her waist and his other hand bracing himself against the shower wall as they made love again.

Let’s make love

All night long

Until all our strength is gone

Hold on tight

Just let go

I wanna feel you in my soul

Until the sun comes up

Let’s make love

xxxxx

It was still dark when Kate woke up, and she reached over to fumble for her phone to check the time. 4:34. She sighed and looked over at Castle, sleeping soundly on his back. It reminded her of when they woke up in that basement on a dirty mattress handcuffed together…only this time without any cuffs and with full knowledge of how they’d gotten where they were.

She smiled and turned her body into his side, resting her head on his shoulder as her fingers lightly traced patterns on his bare chest. After a few minutes, she bit her lip, letting her hand slowly work downward under the sheets until it reached his length. Her fingertips lightly teased him, running along his length before wrapping her slender fingers around him and stroking slowly.

“Mmm…Kate…” he murmured in a husky voice as his brain woke up slowly; the lower half of him that she was tending to at the moment was definitely already awake. Fully.

She grinned at his reaction, leaning over and kissing his jaw. “Glad you’re up,” she husked in his ear, letting her words take on a double meaning.

He chuckled, his hips moving slightly with her hand. “How could I not be up when you wake me up like that?” he asked.

She tugged her lower lip between her teeth as she watched him. “How long are we alone?” she asked, wondering when she needed to leave to avoid any awkward conversations with his family. At least she was assuming they were alone. She hadn’t really thought to ask him last night. She only remembered that Alexis was out at a graduation party; she honestly had no idea about his mother.

“Mmm…probably until after noon sometime…” he murmured. “Mother….Hamptons…” he told her, finding it very hard to talk with her stroking him that way.

She released him and moved to straddle him, her hands resting on either side of his head as she leaned down to kiss him fully. “I want you…” she murmured, her mouth trailing kisses along his jaw.

He smirked, his hands running along her sides to her breasts, taking advantage of her current position on top of him. “I gathered that much from how you woke me up,” he lifted his head to kiss her shoulder and then her chest.

Her mouth moved down his chest slowly, nipping playfully at his skin as she worked her way down. She took her time licking and kissing and sucking at his skin until she finally reached his hip. She bit and sucked on the skin just above his hipbone and then soothed it with her tongue and a gentle kiss once she was satisfied he’d have a visible mark later. She then turned her attention to his length, licking her lips before slowly running her tongue along him from tip to base.

When his hips bucked involuntarily, she shot him an amused look before holding them down as she took her time to drive him crazy with her mouth. One hand curled in her hair, but he never forced her head or guided her, and his other fisted in the bed sheets until she’d finally finished him off with a satisfied smirk.

As soon as he could think straight, he flipped her to her back, kissing her hotly. “My turn…” he murmured. Finally he was going to get to taste her…something he’d only dreamed about for so long, and despite having two previous rounds of sex, something he hadn’t had a chance to do yet. Now he was going to remedy that.

He took his time, kissing and touching every inch of her skin, completely worshipping her the way he’d wanted for so long. He took extra time at her breasts, and then at the tattoo she had near her hip where it could just be hidden by clothes and seen only by lovers, tracing it with his tongue before finally settling between her thighs.

By the time he’d thoroughly worked her up and over the edge…twice…with just his mouth and thumb, he was ready to go again. He trailed his kissed slowly back up her body, giving her time to recover. When he felt her thigh at his hip, he slid into her in one smooth thrust, gasping in surprise when she used that moment to flip him on his back so she was on top.

She cut off any response he might have with a hot kiss, her hips starting a steady rhythm against his. She used her hands on his chest for both balance and leverage as she rode him, building them both up. As they hit their finial climax of the night and her head fell back in complete ecstasy, the sun’s rays had started to change the New York skyline from dark to light orange and pink. She slid off him to his side, cuddling against him with her leg hooked over his hip and her head on his shoulder, both still breathless as they drifted to sleep despite the fact that the sun was coming up.

Let's make love

All night long

Until all our strength is gone

Hold on tight

Just let go

I wanna feel you in my soul

Until the sun comes up

(until the sun comes up)

Let's make love

xxxxx

So...3 rounds of sex and 7 orgasms. That was the longest sex fic I have ever written. I didn’t plan on it being this long, but it definitely took on a life of it’s own. I hope you all enjoy it. I look forward to your comments. And no worries, I know I owe you all a chapter for It Started With a Kiss. Promise that is coming up next…I just had to get this fic out of my head first so I could concentrate on it!

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toxicmalysh · 30 days ago

Text

The link we share

Chapter 18: this is awkward

Word count: 2,145

Summary: you have a day in the lab with bruce

Warnings: intrusive thoughts, panic attack vision is a cutie patootie

⋆✧✦✧⋆

You danced into the kitchen, jumping slightly when you saw Wanda and Vision stood by the kettle.

“Oh uh..”

Visions stare on you was cold and intimidating, as he stood up slightly taking a protective stance. Wanda looked up, a similar cold stare, but slightly softer, more hurt than protective.

“Just came to get a drink.”

You reached the fridge, pouring a glass of cranberry juice. Wanda wanted to ask you about your eating, she wanted to make sure you were okay, but her stubbornness got the better of her, not until you apologised.

It was petty and she knew it, but she also knew she deserved the apology. She watched tentatively as you finished the glass. An awkward silence filling the room.

“Well this is awkward.”

Wanda side eyed vision, truly amazed by her friend stating the obvious. She rolled her eyes turning back to the kettle, pouring the water into a cup with instant coffee granules. She watched as you sulked back out the room. Turning her attention to Vision.

“Why can't she just apologise? I don't even care if she doesn't like me, she does but that's a whole other thing.. my point is, we were finally getting to a comfortable place, why can't she just say sorry.”

Vision pouted thinking slowly,

“You know I'm not actually sure. Have you considered apologising for your behaviour?”

Wanda stepped back scoffing as she stirred her drink,

“My behaviour?”

Vision nodded, putting his hands on her shoulders,

“Well if you want her friendship that much, why not put this aside, and apologise for things she was complaining about.”

Wanda placed her mug down, wiping her forehead,

“Vision that's not the point,”

Vision raised his hand slowly, tilting his head as he spoke,

“Well I believe it is, you see you instigated the argument, and She was clearly emotionally disturbed by something you said. Perhaps you need to be the bigger person Wanda.”

He stepped back as Wanda took her drink, making her way towards the exit of the kitchen.

“Wanda you complain that y/n is too stubborn, but you yourself are just the same as she is.”

Wanda stood slightly, taking in his words.

“Goodnight Vis.”

She made her way back to her room, settling down into her bed. She played her music softly, scrolling through social media. Maybe Vision was right, she knew she was stubborn, but she felt like she was right in the situation.

After a few hours of tossing and turning trying to sleep, she huffed and got up from her bed. Wanda took her mug back to the kitchen, washing it out before drying it.

“You're up late?”

Wanda's head snapped to the doorway, Natasha stood her arms over her chest, Wanda remarked back raising an eyebrow.

“Aren’t you?”

Natasha stepped further into the kitchen, searching the cupboards for a late night snake. She found a twix, pulling it out as she started unwrapping it.

“I was just craving something sweet.”

Wanda nodded slightly, placing the mug back into the cupboard,

“Who won in the end?”

Her words were soft, filled with amusement. Natasha offered Wanda one of the two sticks of chocolate, to which the brunette took a small bite waiting for a reply.

“Tony. Turns out the God of Thunder really isn't the god of Toad on a bike.”

Wanda laughed loudly, finding it amusing how cocky the pair were together. Natasha smiled softly at Wanda’s laugh leaning back against the counter with her.

“How are you Wands?”

Natasha looked up to watch Wanda's face, the way a hundred emotions flickered past her eyes, a thousand thoughts speeding through her mind. Wanda stood up straight breathing.

“I'm okay.”

She spoke softly, nodding. Natasha knew better, but she also didn't want to pry,

“I know that's not true, and it's okay that it's not. I'm here for you Wanda,”

Natasha paused placing a hand over Wanda’s,

“I care about you.”

Wanda nodded again, letting herself become vulnerable with the redhead,

“It's just been all the stuff with y/n, she was so, cruel, over the last few days, and I just… I don't know what to do. I want to talk to her, to go back to normal with her, but I can't unless she apologises.”

Natasha nodded, taking a bite of her chocolate covered biscuit. She knew in a way Wanda was right. You needed to know you couldn't say the things you said and get away with it.

“Well I think you're right, if it's any constellation, I think it's clear you two have something, but you're going to have to sort your shit out if you want it to work. She might not have admitted it, but she does want you, she's young she makes it very obvious.”

Wanda laughed with Natasha lightly, both women finishing their chocolate. They walked together to the doorway,

“Let her come to you, but apologise to her afterwards as well, I care about you just as much as I care for her.”

Wanda nodded firmly, keeping her tone soft as she turned to her bedroom door,

“Goodnight Nat, thank you.”

Natasha smiled satisfied,

watching as Wanda stepped inside her room. Wanda shut the door softly, flopping onto her bed, letting herself succumb to sleep immediately.

You woke roughly, a slight hangover washing over you. You sat up rubbing your eyes, throwing your legs off the edge of the bed. You took a moment to gather your thoughts. Today you needed to get to the lab and work with Bruce, there was a new suit they were working on for Rhodey, just some small modifications.

You ran the shower water hot, singing and dancing as usual as you cleaned yourself. You didn't waste any time, wanting to make your way quickly to the lab and get as much done as you could.

The lift was your personal disco floor for a few moments, before you stepped out, sliding into the lab, you watched as Bruce smiled softly watching you dance your way over to your desks.

“How, may I ask, did you sleep Banner.”

You spoke in time with your music, picking your work up right where you had left it. Bruce huffed lightly, laughing.

“Rough night to say the least.”

You nodded raising an eyebrow slightly,

“What, didn't sleep well?”

Your tone was friendly, trying to get to know your coworker better, after all you spent hours a day together and still didn't know much of each other. You transferred your music to your speakers.

“Yeah you could say that.”

Bruce spoke through an awkward laugh. Of course you were oblivious to Bruce's indications, simply giving Bruce your condolences for the poor sleep.

You stood in front of your desk, tapping your foot in time with the music.

“Really? Jimmy Hendrix again?”

Bruce sighed heavily trying to concentrate on his own work. You gasped in fake horror, snapping your head playfully to the other scientist,

“How dare you?!”

You both laughed, turning your attention back to your work. You let yourself focus on the metal plating you were welding, as Bruce placed more blueprints on your desk.

It was usually the case that you would design and create, and combine Bruce's technology with your engineering. You made a good team and created only the best work. Tony did teach you so a lot of your skills came from him.

“I'm doing a lunch run, you want anything?”

Bruce called from the exit of the lab, his finger pointing towards you. You looked up lifting your welding helmet up, your eyes shaking with your head,

“Uh nothing that I can think of.”

Bruce narrowed his eyes, smiling widely,

“I'm going to get you some pickles.”

He clicked his fingers leaving the room. Working with you so closely meant Bruce had caught onto your eating habits, he knew what your comfort foods were, and although you never said it aloud, he knew you appreciated it.

Whilst you sat alone with your music, your eyes fell to a sharp tool on your desk. You stared for a moment, your mind wandering. You couldn't help but feel the urge to press it against your skin, to watch blood fall. You stood staring, completely zoned out.

Out of nowhere you felt your chest cramp up. You grabbed at your shirt, your breath caught in your throat,

“Fuck.”

You gasped, falling to your knees as you started struggling to breathe. You could hear your heart pounding in your ears, you could feel your lungs pressing against your ribs.

You shut your eyes tight, gasping for air.

“Kid! Shit!”

You couldn't hear Bruce's voice, it was muffled through the loud thudding in your head. Bruce threw the food down onto his desk, running over to help you up, moving you to sit up straight, your eyes watching Bruce's face lazily.

“y/n/n! Hey kid, close your eyes, close your eyes.”

You shut your eyes tight, Bruce placed one hand on your left hand, bringing it up to his own chest. He then mirrored it by bringing his right arm up and placing it firmly against your chest, keeping his breathing steady.

“y/n, focus on my chest, okay, focus on me.”

Your eyes were closed impossibly tight, as you struggled to breath, gasping through each whine of pain. It took a moment but you were able to focus on the way Bruce's chest rose and fell, the tightest and then the relaxed muscles.

Your breath returned to a normal pace, standing slowly sitting in your desk chair as you gathered your thoughts.

“What happened?”

Bruce asked, letting out a huge sigh of relief. You shook your head trying to clear your vision,

“I don't know one second I was fine, the next I just… I don't know.”

Bruce turned back to his desk nodding, grabbing the bowl of pickles and handing it to you. He watched closely as you took a few bites of the first pickle. You felt comfortable enough to eat in front of Bruce, and grateful he had pushed a little bit to get you to eat.

“Thank you Bruce.”

The older man nodded, returning to his work, giving you some space. Once you had finished eating, you took the bowl and plate, announcing that you were going to take them to the kitchen.

You danced in the lift, your headphones covering your ears as you sang loudly. You were still shaking slightly, but nothing could stop you from dancing like an idiot.

As you came out of the lift, you watched Wanda come out from the common room. You jogged slightly to catch up to her, tapping her shoulder,

“Hey Wands have you-”

Wanda teared her arm from your touch, cutting you off as she walked away quickly

“Don't.”

You stood for a moment, watching her walk away quickly, never taking a moment to look at you. You felt an aftermath of the chest cramps catch back up. As you took a breath, you made your way into the kitchen, you placed the dishes in the sink, running the water as you washed them.

“You should talk to her.”

Vision called out from the island, he had a mug of coffee in front of him and a newspaper in his hands. You raised your eyebrow in utter confusion,

“You don't eat?”

Vision gasped sarcastically looking at the mug of coffee, placing his newspaper onto the island,

“Yes and I've read this paper about thirteen times, it just makes me feel sophisticated.”

You chuckled softly, continuing to dry the dishes as you watched the synthezoid curiously. It was no wonder why Wanda got on so well with him when he was such a pure being.

“You should talk to Wanda. She misses your company. But she’s stubborn.”

Vision's tone was compassionate, almost pleading. You could see the domino effect your words had on Wanda. You nodded softly,

“I will, when I'm ready, I just needed some time to process some of her behaviours too.”

You turned to place the dry dishes in the cupboard. Vision stood slowly, making your way out of the kitchen,

“I understand that, and she will wait for you. Don't abuse that.”

You let the words sit with you for a moment. Even as you made your way back to the lab you let the words boil in your head. You spent a few more hours in the Lab, but once you had finished a particular component you spoke up.

“I'm gonna do it.”

Bruce looked up, raising an eyebrow,

“Do what?”

He watched as you got up from the desk, cleaning your mess up,

“Kid? Do what?”

You ignored the older man, making your way out of the lab and into the lift. You were going to talk to Wanda, but you needed to do something first.

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h50europe · 1 year ago

Text

MERTHUR - Innuendo

Merlin leaned his head against the window pane, lost in thought. The passing cars and headlights failed to distract him from the vivid memories that played out in his mind. The haunting image of Arthur dying in his arms played on repeat, as though he was reliving the tragic moment over and over again. Despite the passing of time, the memory remained fresh and raw, leaving Merlin lost in a sea of emotions.

Merlin had been trying to persuade himself that the feelings he and Arthur had shared were nothing more than a passing fancy. However, despite his efforts, it felt like his heart had been torn out of his chest or his soul had been ripped to shreds. The pain was real, leaving him wondering if their connection had been something more profound than he had allowed himself to believe.

Merlin was at the end of his rope, utterly exhausted and unable to tell when he had last slept. He closed his eyes and gave in to temptation. He knew he would be hurt even more if he got involved in this mind game. Only, by now, he had become addicted to that bittersweet pain that burned hot through his veins.

Merlin's heart skipped a beat as he heard Arthur's voice. He slowly opened his eyes only to find himself in his old sanctuary - Cauldron Manor. He had created this place in his mind to feel close to Arthur. The memories of their time together flooded his mind, and for a moment, he felt like Arthur was right there with him. It was a bittersweet feeling, but Merlin couldn't help but smile as he reminisced about the good old days.

"Don't you think you've had enough today?" asked his friend as Merlin poured himself another glass of whiskey.

"Nope, I don't think so. I wish this stuff would get me drunk for longer than just a few hours," Merlin replied, embittered. He emptied the glass in one gulp and slammed it on the sideboard.

"Must have been one of those days," Arthur stated dryly.

Merlin turned around, "When isn't it one of those days? Huh?"

"Sorry, I was trying to show compassion."

"Compassion... Don't you think it's a little too late for that? If you had a shred of compassion, you wouldn't have left me alone then. You wouldn't have died in my arms." Merlin's eyes began to glow. He was seething with anger. The kind of anger you feel when you know something inevitable is coming, and there's nothing you can do about it.

Merlin had turned away from Arthur and closed his eyes. A tear forced its way through his long lashes and ran down his cheek. The anger had given way to a pain that threatened to tear him apart. His chin quivered.

"Then why in the world aren't you just coming back to me, Arthur. Find your way out of the darkness. Let me be your beacon," Merlin whispered.

"I would have done it long ago if it were that easy. But I don't know how."

"God, Arthur, it drives me crazy not knowing where you are or what I can do to reach you."

"I know, and I'm sorry for that. Merlin, you know how much I love you, right?"

"Of course I do. I didn't mean to..." Merlin's voice failed. He waved his hand, and Arthur disappeared.

It had been a foolish idea. Today he was in a very dark place, and instead of feeling relieved that Arthur had been around, even if it was an illusion, it almost destroyed him.

"I'm yours, Arthur. Until the end of time," Merlin whispered as another tear ran down his cheek. "I wished you were much more than just a figment of my imagination."

Cauldron Manor vanished, and Merlin was back in the reality of the shabby motel room, thunder rumbling in the distance. As he gazed out the window, the sky grew darker, and lightning flashed across the horizon, illuminating the now empty streets. He couldn't shake the feeling that something was about to happen, but he didn't know what. The storm outside seemed to mirror the turmoil he felt inside, and he wondered how much longer he could stand being alone with his thoughts.

It was still raining hours after Merlin had fallen into a fitful sleep fully dressed when lightning struck near a cave that had once been a druid's lair. A short time later, a hand emerged from the muddy ground.

Merlin snapped his eyes open, "Arthur!"

He didn't know if this had been a dream or a vision. The lines between fantasy and reality blurred. Merlin ventured into the rain on a hunch, not caring about getting wet. As his eyes adjusted to the light, he spotted someone in a red shirt approaching him. The man seemed familiar, and the closer he got, the faster Merlin's heart raced. He whispered to himself, "No, no, it can't be true. Arthur? Is that really you?"

#colin morgan #bradley james #merlin #arthur pendragon #arthur and merlin #merthur au #merthur #brolin

44 notes · View notes

gureumcity · 2 years ago

Text

10 months

💌 pairing: lee hyunjae x reader, lee juyeon x reader 💌 genre: oneshot, dating bet!au, professional dancer!juyeon 💌 warning: profanity, long term heartbreak (it's kinda toxic so i put it here just in case) 💌 word count: 7.7k words 💌 author's note: was honestly inspired by the olympics, watching figure skating but i just didn’t see any of them figure skating. so if it doesn’t make sense, sorry in advance. enjoy the read as always.

[ when what you believe is a beautiful relationship, turns out to be a total lie, you lose trust in yourself more than in the boy. you shut yourself out and stop living. even when another someone helps you out and brings you back into the world again. you may be thankful but you're never quite over the first. the one who hurt continuously hurt you. over and over again. ]

"i swear to god. you're just like how everyone said!," your thundering voice was heard across the hall of your apartment complex. surely, the neighbors were annoyed. but nothing compared to the humiliation and anger you were feeling as tears ran down your cheeks and your hands in fists. "but you know? you know what's so funny? ... that i truly believed you loved me!" with a slam of the door to your home, there stood a boy baffled. because at the very least, he'd thought you would at least let him explain. but no. and now.. all he could do was wait for you to be okay. no matter how long that took.

10 months. 10 months was all it took for you to fall so deeply in love and for your heart to get as easily as broken.

lee hyunjae was a boy you met at the beginning of high school. you were born in south korea but had moved to the states (boston, massachusetts) as soon as you graduated middle school. there, you met hyunjae. he was one of the most sweetest guys you'd ever met with one of the worst reputations. pretty much what one can imagine. the high school's it boy, aka fuck boy. not very convenient when all he did was share class notes and give you winks across the hallways every time you'd walk past by each other. things progressed fast before you noticed yourself falling more in love with the boy. and one day, like a dream come true, he asks you out. you still remember the words.

"so wanna share more physics notes at my house later? and maybe also be my girlfriend?"

cringy, i know.. maybe that should have been the first red flag. but it gets worse. sure, he cared a lot about his reputation and did a good job with upholding that. but with you.. he was a natural, caring guy who seemed more interested in a lot of things than what he leads. falling in love with someone like hyunjae was easy. too easy.

so here you were. running away from your problems and flying to la, california with a scholarship for photography. you were covered for a good two, three years to study what you like to do and to get a fresh start. having yourself embarrassed in front of the school was already too much on your end. and the fact that your life was stolen while hyunjae lived daily life as he did before, definitely did not make any of it feel any better. flirting with girls, playing on the soccer team, and hanging out with the same boys. it was so sickening. not the fact that he was able to go back to his everyday routine so easily. but that he still had you wrapped around his finger. that's what made going to la, a better, and easier, decision than anything. it was like hitting two birds with one stone.

after a while, you got used to everything. you grew numb to feeling love and also expressing love. that may be why photography was your way of finding passion and emotion. you adapted fairly quickly actually. and with the biggest dance performance coming up in france, lots of other competitions were taking place which also meant cha-ching. taking photos of representatives and of the event will be a big assignment for you; not to mention lots of hot professional dancers. you had always admired dancers. the way they gracefully play with their chosen songs while using absolutely every muscle possible to present such a beautiful piece. this was your seventh show you've been to now. two years really did pass by quickly.

but don't forget. you weren't the complete loser you claim yourself as. you've made friends along the way. lee juyeon, who you had met at these said competitions. he had placed first place in many, resulting in multiple individual photoshoots of him. opening up about your life wasn't something you'd like to do. especially with the way your recent high school life back in boston ended. but with many breaks and awkward silences during those shoots, one of you was bound to speak. and you, the photographer, sadly had to be the bigger person. one thing led to another. and you two became close friends. for the first time in forever, you felt at peace and that you belonged somewhere. lee younghoon, you had met in la. he was forced by his dad to come to one of the dance competitions. regardless of his intention to come for fun or not, he had bumped into you and dropped your coffee all over, resulting in his many apologies and a talk in the cafe after. you know how the rest goes. juyeon and younghoon meet and the three of you were now closer than ever.

feeling your phone buzz in your pocket, you reach for it to be faced with the familiar caller id, "bro", quickly putting him on speaker.

"hello?"

"hello? is that all you gotta say to me after days of not talking? i have called you like five times today and you have answered once!" you chuckle at the upset voice across the device. "well then, sunwoo, maybe you should get a life instead of calling me so much." all you hear on the other end was a scoff as you finish packing your bag. sunwoo was your twin brother. well, separated twin brother. after the divorce, you went with your mother to boston while he stayed with your father back in korea. you two still kept in good contact and met up occasionally but it wasn't the usual family situation. "anywayyy! when's your flight?"

you hear a knock at the door and keys jangling before seeing juyeon walk in. "on monday. why?" watching as he took his shoes off and sat down on the couch, you gesture to him that you'll be with him a second. "nothing. it's just our birthday soon! so i'm holding a party for us. so since your flight is gonna be on monday, you'll definitely be able to make it to our party. right? you need to! listen to your big brother! you have to be there, okay?"

"you're literally two minutes older. stop acting as if you're more superior. i'm gonna go," juyeon's chuckle could be heard as he listened to you fight with your twin brother. you quickly end the phone call and walk over to your couch. "sorry about that. sunwoo keeps bothering me about our birthday.."

"speaking of birthday.. am i invited?"

"juyeon. are you kidding me? of course you're invited. i just didn't ask cause i know you're busy with training and i didn't want to be the reason you skip out on practice during such an important time.." he places your keys in your hands and smiles. "your birthday is much more important than anything. i'll go. besides i have something else to say..," as you drop your keys on the table, he clears his throat. "i'm moving back to korea. my training in america is over and i have to practice back home. plus dance performance is in france anyway. so i gotta get back soon."

"you're kidding!"

"nope. just bought my plane ticket. it's the same time and close to your seat too. maybe we can ask to switch seats with the person sitting next to you." with a quick jump, you wrap your arms around him. "ahh! i'm so excited. yes. we'll definitely do that. and since younghoon's back in korea too, i can invite him too."

the flight back was as normal as it can be. you both fell asleep midway but got to enjoy the sunset below. when you landed, it was around 3pm and sunwoo was already there, waiting. "ooh. guess who brought their boyfriend!" he teased, and as much as you didn't want to, your smile disappears. nothing wrong with juyeon. but it's just you haven't heard you and boyfriend in the same phrase for a while and it made you cringe. "yea yea.. anyway let's go." with yours and juyeon's luggage in the trunk, you decided to sit in the back with juyeon up in the passenger seat.

"so.. have you decided where you wanna live?" sunwoo asks as juyeon looks at you through the rear mirror with a smile. "actually.. yea, i have. younghoon's let us use his house. the benefits to having a rich friend." with chuckles, sunwoo thanks juyeon for changing the address on the navi. "you're still paying rent though, right?"

"of course i am. who do you think i am? a freeloader?," the silence was so loud, it hurt. "wow.. thanks guys."

unpacking was harder than packing. at least when you're putting things back in, all you have to worry about things crinkling up or folding in a weird way but once there out, you gotta think about how to place them somewhere. but you did what you could and managed to figure it out. "you finished unpacking?" you hear younghoon's voice outside your room. "yea! i'll be out in just a sec." and once you were downstairs in the living room, you see younghoon and juyeon sitting on the black, leather, very younghoon-like, couch.

"okay. we're gonna need to make some rules," juyeon and you catch each other rolling your eyes at younghoon's words before laughing. "look. i don't care how messy your rooms get. i won't step one foot in them. but! you can't mess my room or the downstairs rooms. especially the kitchen. understand?," after seeing the two of you physically nod, did younghoon let the two of you go. "good. so what do you guys wanna do on your first day back? after a good night's sleep, i'm sure you guys can have some fun.."

"i'm down to go clubbing.." juyeon starts. "just like old times?" you add on, as if you were finishing his sentence. silence meant agreement. so off the three of you ran, up to your rooms to get dressed.

let's just say the day went by quick and the next day was hangover day for the three of you. four days passed and today was the party. sunwoo had basically forced you to come to your own party that you didn't even plan. just added a few people on the guestlist but that's all you got to do. not that you were complaining. you didn't really care much anyway. it just gave you a reason to dress up.

"so.. how's the birthday girl?," you smiled at the voice before turning around to see juyeon, showing off your outfit. "apparently all ready for the party.. happy birthday, y/n." with him opening up his arms, you walk into his embrace. "you know. it feels weird to be back here. i don't know if i should go see my dad.."

"you do what you wanna do. but for now..," you chuckle as he pushes you out the room and guides you downstairs to the car outside. "hop in. i'm driving us to sunwoo's house." you watch as younghoon gets in the back and immediately puts his airpods in. it takes a few minutes to drive over and when you see the neighborhood, it wasn't hard to guess which house the party was being held. the music was loud and the big banner said everything. you just hoped he had warned his neighbors first. but that wasn't your concern.

"hey guys! the birthday girl is here!! late! but here." sunwoo says as he opens the door, loud enough the attention goes to you. and to your embarrassment, juyeon grabs your hand and takes you into the kitchen. "a drink?" taking in the amount of people in here, you were scared people would think you guys were a frat. with a simple nod, juyeon pours in two cups of punch and hands one to you. "thanks.."

"hey sunwoo. where do we put all the gifts?" younghoon speaks up, carrying all the gifts you guys had brought over. yes, it may be your birthday but it was sunwoo's too. you couldn't not buy him something. "oh. just put them all into this room." you help younghoon with the gifts and place them where sunwoo had told you to. after a while, there were almost a hundred people in the house.

"this should be everyone, right?" you ask sunwoo as he was checking the guestlist. "no," your smile drops. what? how could he possibly know this many people that want to come and celebrate his birthday with him? "you know a few of them. eric and them are coming but i told them to bring the cake. i knew something would happen to it if i had prepared it beforehand. so i had them pick it up. they're heading over soon after they pick up their friends too." you down your drink and walk over to the couch where juyeon relaxes. "i swear sunwoo plays around too much or something. i knew this was gonna be a party but with this many people? goddamn." juyeon chuckles at your frustration. "why don't you go grab another drink? get me one too while you're at it." you nod, heading over to the kitchen before someone else enters through the door. you catch a glance at the newcomers and immediately gasp when you see the last person entering. you wanted to hide. you wanted to literally disappear. it's been almost three years? and you thought you had gotten better. but what is this reaction? now you were back to square one. you felt pathetic. and to think, you didn't think it could get worse. until it did. his eyes catch yours and he smiles. smiles! you poured the two drinks and walk your way over. and just when he thinks he has a chance to talk to you, you pass by him and sit down next to juyeon. and as your best friend, it felt only right he ask what was wrong.

"hey.. you good?" your eyes said everything. juyeon sat up straight. "it's him.. hyunjae. why is here? how does he even know sunwoo?" all that anger and humiliation from that night was building back up. and if it wasn't for juyeon holding you back, you would have left this place before the actual party even started. all while you were panicking, hyunjae couldn't take his eyes off you. you were as beautiful as he remembered. maybe even more. "hey guys! you're finally here." you and juyeon watch as kevin and his other friend, you assume, place the very large cake on the kitchen island. "y/n?" your attention shifts over to the voice before seeing chanhee.

"oh my god! eric? it's been so long. what the hell? how are you so tall?" you said, hugging his now tall and lean figure. "well. the last time we saw each other was like five years ago.." you nodded, acknowledging his words but still shocked by his growth. "do i get a hug too?" you see changmin peeking his head through so you immediately open your arms. "of course! you guys are.. men! that's crazy." once sunwoo comes your way, he starts introducing you to his friends.

"so this is my twin sister, y/n. you know changmin, chanhee, eric. this is kevin, jacob, sangyeon, haknyeon. and this is hyunjae. he's also from boston. ha! it'd be funny if you knew each other." sunwoo explains and you couldn't help but let out a little sigh at his name. just like a hero, juyeon's up from the couch and wraps his arm around your shoulder. "nice to meet you guys. i'm juyeon." he says placing out his hand in which sangyeon accepts first. and the rest followed. "wait wait.. i wanna hear you guys talk. say something in english." changmin says, interested. "you guys probably won't even understand anyway." you say as everyone gasps sarcastically. "oh come on, y/n. don't be a party pooper." with sunwoo's words, you roll your eyes and clear your throat.

"how's life been for you?" you started first, deadpan. "it's been good, i guess. what have you been up to?"

"that's none of your business." you hear the others cheering at the accents, having no idea what you two had even said. well, besides younghoon who chuckled and maybe a bit of juyeon. even though he may have a translator, you're sure he caught on to most of it. that was until you realized more people might have caught on your guys’ english conversation.

you know how the rest of the party went. people got way too drunk, passed out, some left, and you're pretty sure you heard a few couples upstairs doing god knows what. and the whole night, all you could do was talk to juyeon as younghoon was getting friendly with changmin and chanhee. and despite all that, you couldn't get drunk. you don't know what kind of mistake you could make with hyunjae and you couldn't risk anything. when there was about half of the people left, you stood up to use the restroom. after drinking almost three bottles of water, you needed to pee. after finishing your business, you wanted to get back to juyeon. but hyunjae had other plans. he grabs your hand and takes you outside without saying anything. when you realize you were already far out as two houses down, you shake your hand off and glare at him. "what? you're mad? when all you've been doing is hanging out with that juyeon dude? what? are you guys dating? is he your boyfriend?"

"what? hyunjae. you're drunk."

"no. i'm perfectly fine." his slurring voice wasn't hard to miss, proving that he indeed was drunk. too drunk, in fact. he grabs both your wrists this time so hard that you winced. "hyunjae."

"hyunjae."

"why is everything so easy for you? i know you don't even like him. i can see it. you don't look at him the way you used to look at me. come on. don't you feel anything for me? even when i do this?" when you feel him stepping closer, you step back. "hyunjae! i'm warning you. let. go," you tried to wriggle out his grasp. you can feel your wrists bruising. "hyunjae.. it hurts. please..." when hyunjae sees your eyes tearing up, he loosens his grip. "i'm sorry. i didn't mean to." you step away, a tear slipping away.

"i hate you." you quickly retrace your steps back into the house and grab your bag, immediately running out. juyeon follows you out with his car keys, unlocking the vehicle. (you drove, no worries. no drinking and driving!)

the next day, your head hurt. but none of it from any alcohol. from the way you kept tossing and turning last night, thinking of hyunjae. out of all the simulations you have made in your mind of what would happen when you by chance, ever bump into him again, that was not it. once you got downstairs, you had noticed porridge on the table with a note on top.

i know you couldn't sleep at night so i made you this. make sure to heat it up before you eat it. - younghoon

younghoon keeps quiet about other people's business but always knew what was going on. he was a nice guy who took advantage of his skill and helps. you wish there were more people like him in the world.

"so.. that was hyunjae, huh?" juyeon's groggy voice is heard. "yea.."

"remind me what happened?," you release a soft sigh as you take out the porridge from the microwave. "just humor me. i want to know how this dude fucked himself up."

"okay.. i guess," you sat down. "yesterday, he dragged me out, absolutely off his limit and starts yelling at me about you. almost like he's... jealous? i didn't understand his words but i know what his intentions were. he's still the same asshole he was years back." juyeon watches your reaction. he's never met hyunjae in his life. all he knows is the hyunjae from your stories. and that was enough to know that he was a dick. but he never noticed that you still have remaining feelings for him, whether you'd admit or not. did he have competition? probably not, after last night. or at least, that's what juyeon was hoping.

--------------------

hyunjae, on the other hand, had woken up around an hour ago, completely regretting everything he said last night. he didn't mean any of it. sure. deep down, he was jealous at the way you laughed at everything juyeon said or the way you leaned into his shoulders like he's the one you love. he hated it. all of it. and when he thinks of that day of your guys' fight, he grimaces. instead of waiting for you to reach out to him like a coward, he wishes he had the courage to just tell you. even if that hadn't changed a thing. at least, he would have been able to confess his true feelings to you.

"dude.. do you and juyeon know each other or something?" eric asks from his bed, watching some anime on the tv screen. "what do you mean?"

"i mean.. i don't know if it was just me but it seemed like he was glaring at you the whole night yesterday. did you flirt with y/n? she seems to have a thing with juyeon." hyunjae's eyebrows twitch at those words but at some point, he had to admit. he was years late. and he didn't have to know the whole story to know that juyeon was probably there for you when he wasn't. "uhh no.. i don't know man," eric shrugs and continues to slurp his ramen noodles. "speaking of.. do you have y/n's number? i wasn't able to get it last night and i saw that you were exchanging numbers." hyunjae casually says, hoping eric doesn't find anything suspicious. "oh yea. i'll send it to you right now. but i'm warning you, dude. i'm pretty sure they're a thing." and when his own phone buzzes, he couldn't help but smile. "okay whatever.. thanks,"

"anyway.. i gotta go. let's finish the series next time." he murmurs before rushing out the door. eric's attention wasn't even anywhere near what he said so he escaped through eric's house and immediately got into his car and dialed the number he had just received.

when he hears the phone call picked up and all you say was a simple "hello?" yet his heart was already fluttering. "hey. it's hyunjae. don't! end the call.. i just.. i know i don't exactly deserve it but i wanted to explain myself. about everything. no matter how late my apology is.. could we meet up somewhere?," the silence scared him. he wouldn't have known if you had the ended the call unless he hadn't checked. "y/n?"

"um. yea.. sure. meet me at the park near sunwoo's house," and with that, you ended the call. "hey guys.. i'm gonna head out. i'll be back in a few." you can see the two boys nod their head but you're sure they're too distracted with their gaming so you slip out the door with your bag and phone in your hand. when you parked your car, you could see a fancy car on the other side of the block. you watch as hyunjae walks out of the said vehicle. while you knew hyunjae had come from a wealthy family, it didn't occur to you that he was this wealthy.

"hey.. thanks for meeting me." hyunjae says, taking in your beauty. you hum a response, waiting for whatever he needed to say and seated yourself next to him on the bench. "so.."

"so. i came to apologize. and to explain. back when the guys had made this bet, it all started off because i thought you were pretty. but you know.. you hated the whole reputation thing we held so i knew i didn't have a chance with you. and when i said that you're totally out of my league, that you would never date me, they told me that they'd pay me if i got you to be my girlfriend. it was only for six months though. but i held out onto it. cause being with you felt so much better than i had first expected," you couldn't help but scoff. “and i know that none of this is an excuse to treat you this way. but i just want you to know that i never wanted you to get hurt. and i was just blinded by the fact that i could get a little bit of money while also getting the girl i liked. i was stupid. i'm sorry."

"how much?"

"huh?"

"how much?"

"$500."

"so playing with my heart was worth $500 for you?"

"i didn't take the money. i didn't take any of it. i told them that this was wrong and that none of it-"

"what do you want me to say? thanks? congrats?," hyunjae felt shivers down his spine when you stand up. he knew that in some sort of way, he had messed up again. "congrats for liking me despite the mere $500 i was worth? and for believing that this shitty apology cuts out for all those nights i cried myself to sleep. i hope you get some of that guilt off your chest because you sure seemed like you needed to get this off your chest. and i'm also sorry if you came today thinking i would accept your apology because i don't. i really wished i could." gathering your things, you make yourself back to your car before hearing, "i still love you!" you freeze in your place. what? when you feel his presence again, you slowly turn around. eyes in contact with one another and your hands stop moving.

"what?"

"y/n.. i never stopped loving you." your tears had started to build up to your eyes in which you failed to hide. with a swift move, you were in hyunjae's arms. this time, you could smell his cologne. his intoxicating cologne. and feel his heartbeat. the warm vibration as he mutters sorry over and over again. and as hard as it was, you place your hand on his chest and slowly push yourself away. "but you know what, hyunjae?," looking into his eyes once more, you smile. "it doesn't matter whether or not you took the money. it's the fact that you took a deal with my heart on the end of it because you were blinded by greed. goodbye."

for the second time, hyunjae watches you walk away. and it hurt the same just as it did the first time. but like the first, he can do nothing but watch.

--------------------

"so why the hell did you not tell me about hyunjae?" it's been almost two weeks since the talk and sunwoo is freaking out over hyunjae. technically, he's not even supposed to know about him but he walked in on juyeon and you talking about what to do with hyunjae. now sunwoo has seated the both of you at your shared dining table and demands to know what happened. all you could do was sigh because you knew his stubbornness wouldn't help.

"him and i dated senior year. we met each other in high school. and just like a wattpad story, he was your regular fuck boy that flirted with every girl he had the chance to. but he was sweet to me. spoke to me about his true interests. if that's even what those were.. anyway. basically i thought that he was able to open himself up to me that he couldn't to others because of his image. we dated 10 months and into the summer, he tells me that he didn't mean it to end this way but that everything just started off as a bet among his friends. we fought back and forth. cause he just kept giving me this bullshit excuse that he meant everything despite the bet. so i ended up yelling at him and left australia," sunwoo's jaw dropping was enough for you to know hyunjae was no longer invited to your birthday parties. "but i know that you guys are good friends. and i'm sure he's changed now. so don't mind me. i just happen to have a history with him."

"okay so wait.. i only care about one thing right now."

"what?" sunwoo clears his throat, staring at juyeon. "do you still like him?" you stare at your hands on your lap, not knowing how to answer. juyeon had seen this coming. matter of fact, he's been hurt by your answer to this question every time. even when you replied yes or the silence. it both meant you still had feelings for hyunjae anyway. but this time. "i don't know." juyeon's eyes shift over to you. he wondered what made you change your answer this time. you honestly didn't know either. "okay then? and i think you're right. hyunjae has changed. so i hope you don't mind that we'll still occasionally hang out." you shook your head, reassuring that you were okay with this.

a month passes since you got back from america and you were settled for good now. taking up little projects and finding customers here and there. your online shop helped a lot in setting up this mini business for you. juyeon and younghoon really helped out in advertising.

just as you push your shopping cart in the supermarket, you find yourself in front of someone. "hyunjae.."

"hey. how's everything going?" you smile at the casual conversation starter. "good.. yea. you?"

"the same old. same old..," as you pull your cart out of the way, hyunjae takes a hold of your hand. "y/n.. can i suggest something?" you stare at him, confused.

"i know this is a stretch. but i'd rather know i took all the chances i had with you before fully letting go. and.. i was wondering if you would go on three dates. just three. no strings attached and nothing serious. i'll treat you to all three. and if you truly feel absolutely nothing, i'll let you go. hmm?"

--------------------

"what did she say? she obviously said no, right?" younghoon watches as juyeon stresses out. you had to go to an appointment and since juyeon wasn't home, you had told younghoon to let juyeon know what's going on. "she said yes."

"what?"

"she wants to give him a chance."

"you're kidding, right-"

"not because she wants this to work. she just wants to feel better. she agrees that this relationship needs a better wrap-up. that's why she agreed," with juyeon's sigh, younghoon chuckles. "don't worry. she doesn't like him." at his words, juyeon lets out an awkward chuckle. "you knew?"

"knew what? that you like y/n? yea dude. it's pretty obvious. i'm sure almost everyone at the birthday party caught on," his panicking breaths was enough for younghoon to pat juyeon's back. "except y/n.. knowing her, she would've probably said something about it by now. so lighten up, dude. and let her end this relationship the way she wants before fully going for it." juyeon nods slowly.

--------------------

the first date took place on september 13. his very own birthday. he ended up holding his party a few days before instead to spend it with you. hyunjae took you out to an amusement park with little mazes in between. he bought you all your favorite snacks that you were shocked he even remembered. dropping cute comments out of nowhere. "you look so pretty." while playing with his fingers. "let me.." while tying your shoelaces. he didn't try anything too much and kept his distance with you. enough to show respect and you admired him for that. although it wouldn't be the thing that would bring you back to him. because no matter how much he looked out for you, this just wasn't it.

the second date took place on october 31. you remember the first halloween party you went together, his shih tzu welcomed you. maybe that was why but this time, he took you to a dog cafe. you were able to enjoy your favorite coffee while playing with cute samoyeds and poodles. really attentive to you, he made sure you were able to feed the puppies, play with him, and stay after hours too. you were sure that one cost a bit. but you pretended not to know as he tried to hide his payment as much as possible. you hated to admit. but he was a gentleman. well, in a way, you guess he always was. but no matter how much he paid attention to you, this just wasn't it.

the third and final date took place on november 15. he took you to a festival. one that usually sells out fast and only comes twice a year. he made sure to keep refilling tickets to allow you more games, which meant more stuffed animals. when it hit ten o'clock, the fireworks went off. you let him hug you. you understand. fireworks makes one emotional. you slowly wrap your arms around him. "i love you.." you stare at the show in the sky. "mm.. it's so pretty....." hyunjae tried not to notice you didn't say it back. but he wasn't expecting much. because no matter how much he made you feel loved, this just wasn't it.

he knew. he knew all of it. he knew that even if you still liked him.. your heart belonged to another. you just didn't know it.

--------------------

about a few weeks after the final date, hyunjae reaches out to you. saying he wanted to meet up on november 30. you don't know why he had to push it back two weeks to hear your answer. but you knew the feeling. the feeling of wanting to stop time and just love a little longer.

juyeon had barely asked you about any of the dates with you and hyunjae. and to say you were worried was an understatement. whether you noticed or not, juyeon's opinion mattered a lot to you. you thought about it. why your heart ached when he wasn't home much anymore to ask you things and why it bothered you so much to not see him in his room before going to sleep. he'd been the guy you go to. the therapist that helps you solve any situation. the dancer who helped you open up when you doubted your skill in photography. the guy that reminded you your self worth and brought you back to this world. the best friend you fell in love with.

you blinked at your realization. all this time you had thought falling in love with hyunjae was easy. maybe love wasn't supposed to be easy. maybe it was supposed to be a roller coaster. driving over to hyunjae's was now a lighter feeling than how the day started off. when hyunjae saw you parking in the driveway, he prepared himself. he took in a breath and opened the door.

"want some tea?" hyunjae offers, knowing you're not here to stay long anyway. but it was still worth a try. he told himself that he'd give it his all and he was trying. even if he knew, nothing would ever work. you shake your head and sit down on one of the chairs by his kitchen counter. "hyunjae.. i came here to say that-"

"wait," he stops you, scared. "lemme go first," when he sees you nod softly, he gulps. "look. the past three dates has been everything to me. i don't regret any of it. i'm so happy i saw you smile. i'm so happy i got to hug you. and i'm so happy i got to tell you that i love you. one last time..," he bites his quivering lip as tears rise up in his eyes. "i know what you're here to say. so i just wanted to say thank you. thanks for giving me a chance to love you again. thanks for giving me a chance to treat you the way i couldn't back then." hearing his voice crack made your heart break. you wanted to wipe his tears away but you know you shouldn't. you don't get to since you're the cause of those tears anyway.

"hyunjae..," you watch his hands shaking in his lap, slowly placing your hand in his. you feel his tears falling on your fingers, tears threatening to fall yourself. "i'm sorry i can't tell you what you want me to say. thank you for showing me the person you have become and that you will find someone better. i know that's such a bitchy thing to say. but i mean it. hyunjae.. you've grown. and i really would've liked it if this would've worked. but i'm.. i just-"

"you love juyeon," as you look up, a tear falls down your right cheek. he slowly stands up, sniffling through his tears. "you should go to him. i know he's probably wrecking his brain right now, waiting."

you let out a chuckle before wiping your own tears. "can i hug you?" you nod as you allow yourself to be engulfed in his warm embrace. hyunjae's uneven breathing didn't make any of this easier. after about a minute, you slowly pull away. "thanks hyunjae.. for everything." with a nod of agreement, you both let go and he walks you out.

"y/n...," you turn around. "at least tell me one thing.. will he treat you better?"

"mhmm.. he's the best."

"then.. that's all that matters."

as soon as you get in your car and you're on the road, your phone starts dialing. and to no surprise, you're hit with voicemail. "juyeon? i have something to say to you. i'm on my way home. please.. please be there.." you knew juyeon felt something for you. it'd be crazy if he hadn't. almost every friend of yours has asked you if you were dating him. just by the way he looks at you, treats you, and finds some way to stop you from going on blind dates; that your friends set up. you just didn't say anything because it wasn't like you could reject him and risk loosing him forever or accept him while you were still in love with another. your parked car in the driveway was nothing near straight but you honestly just wanted to get back into the house. running to the door, frustrated that you couldn't find your house keys. but when the door unlocks and you're met with just the man you wanted to see, your body just wants one thing. you immediately hug him. "i'm so sorry.. i'm so sorry for not doing something before."

"you idiot. i've been waiting for like three months. if the past two years doesn't count." you were so relieved from his words that your heart skipped two beats.

"look ju.. i don't know what to say."

"then don't say anything.. just kiss me." not even a second passes before your lips are on his. despite the ticklish feeling of his eyelashes batting against your cheek and the fact you two were still at the door, this couldn't have felt more right. you and juyeon. you should've noticed sooner. but for now, him having his hand on your back and the other on your neck was just perfect. it felt like nothing in the world could go wrong. after a while, you slowly let go. only because you were running out of breath.

"so. do i get to meet your parents now?" you chuckle at the way his mind works. "yes.. i'll arrange something," you slowly watch him close the door and walk you to the sofa. the two of you lay together, your head on his chest as he softly combs through your hair. you hum at the feeling. "at least i won't have to see my dad alone.."

"what happened? with your parents, i mean. you never told me why you're so scared to see your dad." with a sigh, you stare at your hands intertwined with his. "well.. the thing with my dad is that.. i've watched my dad fight with my mom one too many times and after moving with my mom in the divorce, i'm scared that he hates me. he's not abusive or mean or anything, actually. in fact, i love my dad. but i'm so scared that he doesn't want to see me anymore. especially after i ran when he saw me at the grocery store five years ago. i literally ran away. he hates me. i just know it.."

you watch as juyeon gives you a very judging look. "really?"

"what?"

"y/n.. what's not to like about you being his daughter? i'm sure this is all just a misunderstanding. you know what? you're gonna go see him. now." juyeon instantly starts packing some stuff in a bag and running to get the car keys that you had just threw on the ground a while ago. "wait! wait.. can you come with me then?" juyeon's grin slowly changes into a terrified facial expression.

"me? meet your father?" a few seconds later, and younghoon comes walking down the stairs. "so yall done now?" the blushing looks of both your faces was enough to make him chuckle.

"how long were you there?"

"long enough to say finally. come on. pack up. i'll drive us over to your dad's house. in fact, sunwoo texted me that he has a cold but sunwoo has to stay at work. so we're gonna go there and take care of him."

--------------------

the loud sound of your heartbeat echoed in your chest, all the way up to your ears that you could barely hear anything around you. as you waited at the doorstep of what you've been told was where your dad lived, juyeon holds your hand tightly. younghoon chuckles behind the two of you when he sees the two of your shoulders tighten at the sound of footsteps getting closer.

"who is it?," as the door opens, your eyes widen. you curse at yourself just imagining how stupid you must look. "y/n."

"dad?"

"uhh... come on in." your dad clears his throat and moves out the way. hesitant, but you enter, taking in the view of the house. when you're suddenly pulled back into a hug, who you assume was juyeon, or younghoon, was the very father you believe hated you. "dad.."

"y/n. i am so happy to see you here. i really am."

tears rose up as you wrapped your arms around him.

--------------------

10 months later and today was the day of the france dance event. you're in the crowd, cheering for lee juyeon, your boyfriend, right next to all the boys and your father sitting next to you. hearing the crowd chanting your boyfriend's name made you feel proud. you glance over at hyunjae who was obviously staring. and for once, you had the power to stop looking. not like all those years. and for once, you're looking at someone who loves you as much as you love them. you join in with your fans.

"lee juyeon! lee juyeon! lee juyeon!"

you watched as the scores to his short and free add up. his ranking going from 4th to 2nd and a point away from 1st to "lee juyeon! winner of this year’s best dance performance! congratulations!!" the last thing you remember is screaming and the place going wild.

--------------------

the after party was as good as it gets. a little bit fancier than what you and your boys are used to. but they offered chocolate ice cream, juyeon's favorite. but now that you were back home, you were able to grill steak outside and hold a little after party amongst yourselves.

once everybody left, you and juyeon find your way outside again with a bottle of wine and glasses. "juyeon.. congratulations."

"i won it for you."

"what do you mean?"

"do you remember when we first met? and you told how amazing it'd be if i won the comp event.. that you'd grant me a wish," you blink, reminiscing the moment, slowly nodding. "well, i was going to wish for you to give me a chance. but since that's already happened.." you watched as he cleared his throat and started to bend down on one knee. you gasped, seeing the box in his hands.

"oh my god. juyeon." your hands covering your mouth in shock. "y/n.. for as long as i've known you, i have spent every second liking you and loving you. i overthought every single detail. but now that it comes to this, i thought as long as i'm the one down on one knee and you're the one in front of me, where i do it, how i do it, when i do it.. it shouldn't matter. i love you, y/n. will you be the one watching me from the stands at competitions as long as i shall dance? and will you let me be the one to love you from now and forever? marry me?"

"yes.. yes! oh my.. ju yes!" the next thing you know, people surrounding you in hollers. "you guys didn't go home yet?" juyeon's confused look makes everyone laugh. "after making it that obvious you were proposing? hell no." sunwoo says.

"well.. can we have our moment before you ruin it even more?" you say as the boys crowd your romantic moment. they all start mumbling apologies, giving you two space. "anyway... where were we?" you smile as he wraps his arms around your waist.

"i believe we were about to kiss."

"i believe you said yes..”

"i sure did.. i love you."

"and i love you, my love.."

#gureumcity #the boyz oneshots #the boyz angst #the boyz imagines #the boyz fluff #lee juyeon #juyeon angst #juyeon imagine #juyeon oneshot #hyunjae oneshot #the boyz

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mrstsung · 2 years ago

Text

Like are people blind? Do people not watch other mk media and or understand that raiden absolutely has shown affection to mortals?

I mean he's not a heavy pda or show off. But he would at least put his hand or arm around your waist. And maybe a gentle kiss on the hand or something,like he will show it but subtly. By the elder gods people! Also raiden when comfy with someone would absolutely be playful,maybe cheeky banter. Honestly raiden still would be pda but again NOTHING HEAVY. (Unlike the likes of shang tsung who is a show off and proudly would display his beloved. Or kung lao whos like "fuck yeah! Im the man!" Or definitely the most pda guy in mk johnny cage. Because he's that proud and loving of his partner)

I swear you think gods are supposed to be fucking robots or some shit.

WE MORTALS AREN'T THAT FUCKING SPECIAL IN THE EMOTIONAL DEPARTMENT STOP ACTING LIKE WE THE ONLY BEINGS TO EXPERIENCE IT!

Especially raiden and fujin. They legit were put as protectors and gods of earthrealm for a reason. They were the closest to the mortals of earthrealm.

Like how many times do i need to repeat it? Mk9-Mk11 fucked up the whole damn timeline.

Raiden was never fucking emotionless,never stiff,and certain showed more fucking personality then we get currently.

Legit guy is wet cardboard now. And it sucks.

Like sometimes i wonder if people just cant fathom god characters being no damn different than us mortals? Y'all preach it sometimes but never show it in fics or writing.

Like i get such great content for other characters. But the second i get to the god characters in mk. Y'all lack.

The only damn difference between Mortals and gods in mk.

Is gods have bigger powers on a grander scale. Dont die. And yes some do have responsibilities but they dont have to be sticks in the mud with no personality to fucking do that. Good lord.

Yes im hella criticizing y'all writing raiden.

This character has been done so dirty. Same with kung lao but thats for a whole nother post entirely.

Raiden works his ass off and this is how you portray him?! This is how you repay him?! The fact he went thru legit hell and you have nothing to show but false grief.

Sorry its just this character is comfort character and also one of my og mk crushes and i just hate seeing him portrayed this way.

Because thats not the raiden i grew up with and remember.

So plz write him better. Screw trying to be "canon", Canon to NRS is a mere suggestion at this point. They dont even care. Im tired of people being afraid to write some damn emotion with characters. Like actually make me feel damn it!

But plz for the love of god,actually give raiden some personality again!

I only have been able to find a few that actually show rai really good.

And it hurts.

#mortal kombat #some discourse #sorry i got emotional over the thunder god again #raiden mk #raiden mortal kombat #look raiden deserves better #💙⚡thunder's devotion⚡💙#self ship #self shipping #mk f/o

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minisugakoobies · 3 years ago

Text

Sparkly Surprise | KSJ

Pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Genre: fluff, established relationship, non-Idol!AU

Rating: T

Warnings: kissing, swearing, domestic bliss, Jin's nerves get the best of him, it's as sweet as a box of chocolates

Word Count: 1k

Disclaimers: None, other than obviously I don’t own BTS - they simply inspire me

Summary: Jin's got a sparkly surprise for you.

Prompts: Emotion #23 Nervousness & Dialogue #7 “There are so many hearts everywhere…”

A/N: Written for the @btscreatorscorner Secret Valentine Project! My valentine is @seokjins-luigi - Happy Valentine's Day, Amanda! I hope you like your gift. 💕

Masterlist 💜 Find me on AO3 💜

“Oh my god.”

Your living room is a war zone. Red everywhere.

Red glitter, to be specific. Tiny, sparkly hearts cover every possible surface - the couch, the tables, the floor, even the shelves on the walls are coated in sparkles.

It looks like a fairy exploded in your house.

“What. The. Fuck?” you ask the room. No one else is in there with you, other than your cat Abyss, and she has no answer, though she does give you a fairly indignant look for waking her with your question. She’s lying on a pile of glitter, so you gently shoo her out, frowning as her black fur sheds confetti as she pads away.

A pair of feet thunder down the stairs and in walks the love of your life, Seokjin, vacuum in hand. He spots you standing in the living room, looking completely flabbergasted, and the tips of his ears turn bright crimson before he even speaks.

“Uh, hey! I thought you were going to be out all day…?” Crap. How is he going to clean up this mess without explaining to you exactly why this happened? This will take some quick thinking on his part.

“Hey, baby, nice to see you too.”

“Hi, hello, sorry,” Seokjin mumbles, bending to kiss your cheek. “What happened to the shopping spree? I thought you and Hoseok-ah were planning on spending the entire day together?”

“Hobi got some sort of emergency text from work, so he had to leave. I didn’t feel like shopping alone. But don’t worry, I managed to do plenty of damage before we called it quits.” You raise the bags still clutched in your hands. “I didn’t think it’d be such a shock to be done early.”

“Sorry,” he apologizes again. “Just wasn’t expecting to see you.”

“Well, we’re both finding surprises waiting for us here, aren’t we? I certainly wasn’t expecting to come home and discover that a unicorn has been murdered in my living room.”

Kicking a pile of hearts with the toe of your boot, you glance at your boyfriend, waiting.

“Yeahhhhh, sooooo…” Seokjin sets the vacuum down with a nervous smile. The color staining his cheeks matches the ruby red of the room. “I had a little accident.”

“You don’t say?”

“I kinda… rented… a confetti launcher. And when I was loading it, it kinda… went off unexpectedly.” He reaches behind the couch, pulling out a small black cannon. Bits of glitter cling to the metal as he holds it up.

Your eyebrows shoot up. “You rented a confetti launcher? Jin… Seokjin… baby… why??”

Quick, why would someone rent one? Birthday party? Neither of you were born today. Graduation? It’s been a while since you both finished school.

Maybe he’ll just have to fudge the truth a little bit. Lie by omission.

“Uh, Happy Valentine’s Day?” He spreads his arms wide, grinning hard. “Ta-da?”

“Wait, your Valentine’s Day plan was to bury the house in confetti?” you inquire incredulously. “Look at this place! There are so many hearts everywhere…”

In the two years you’ve been together, Seokjin’s never really been one for any sort of over-the-top gestures of affection, preferring to express how he feels through his actions. Like doing all the cooking for the two of you, so you never have to worry about it. Or slipping love notes into your pockets for you to find and read later. The big, showy stuff, the grand declarations of love - that’s not Seokjin. He doesn’t shower you with flowers or things that sparkle.

Except, strike that last one, apparently he does. Just on an itty bitty scale.

“Yep. Uh, kinda. I was hoping to make it a special Valentine’s Day, but… this is not the way I wanted to do it. The plan was to set it off on the patio, after dinner. Thought it would be a… nice touch. Really create an atmosphere.” Of what, he can’t say. He pauses, unsure if you’re buying this. “The, uh, confetti is biodegradable, so….”

Seokjin seems anxious. Is he afraid you’re mad at him? Just because your living room looks like a crime scene at a disco ball factory? He obviously made a mistake.

“Oh, really? That’s good. Now we just gotta wait for our living room to decompose.” Brushing confetti from the table, you sigh in mock irritation “Jin. It looks like you murked an animated vampire in here. Is that the atmosphere you were going for?”

The playful gleam in your eyes eases Seokjin’s worries. His shoulders drop in relief.

“I gotta hand it to you, baby. None of my other valentines ever did anything like… this… before, so kudos for being original.” Dropping your shopping bags, you reach up and cup your boyfriend’s handsome face, tugging him to you for a kiss.

Seokjin wraps his arms around your waist and smooches you happily. Crisis averted.

After a moment, you smile. “But you’re gonna clean all this up, right?”

“Oh, yeah. Don’t worry.” He gestures to the vacuum. “I’ll have this place confetti-free in no time.” He slides his hands into his pockets. “You go put your new purchases away while I take care of this. Uh, since you’re home, I can start dinner afterward, if you’d like?”

“Perfect.” You loop your arms through his and gaze adoringly up at him. “Maybe I’ll put on one of my new ensembles and join you for a glass of wine while you cook? I might have bought you a little something for Valentine’s Day.” You flutter your eyelashes. “You can unwrap me after dinner.”

Seokjin’s ears flush again. “That, uh, sounds like a really great idea. Can’t wait to see my gift.”

“Me neither,” you murmur, lightly brushing your lips against his. Grabbing your packages, you head for your bedroom as Seokjin sighs.

He glances at the accidentally sequined living room. What an absolute mess. But at least he avoided outright disaster, he thinks, as his fingers clutch the velvety box in his pocket. It'll still be a Valentine's Day to remember.

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commander-vas-normandy · 3 years ago

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Hi Nyx!

I noticed you were asking for prompts in between Devil’s Backbone chapters. I’ve been reading a lot of smut and fluff for Matt but I haven’t read a lot of Angst so I was wondering if you could do #11 from the Angst list - Are You Ashamed of Me?

Thank you so much! And I love your blog 💕

-Ericca

Aaah!! Thank you so much my dear!! I appreciate you so much!! I'm sorry to repay your kindness with pain haha hope you like it!!

Prompt list here!

Matt reached a hand out to take yours and you couldn't help the way you flinched away. Flinched away from the love of your life. The man whose touches had never been anything less than caring and full of adoration. Pain clouded his features and you dropped your gaze. You couldn't look at him if he was going to give you that sad look.

"Not tonight, Matt," you whispered, crossing your arms and slumping in on yourself. The only thing you could think to do was make yourself small and hope to God that maybe you would disappear in that moment.

Silence fell between the two of you as Matt studied you. He listened to the way your heart raced as you turned away from him. He could smell the salt in the tears that threatened to spill from your eyes. The way you refused to acknowledge him made his heart drop, a wave of nausea washing over him. It didn't make sense.

"Are you ashamed of me?" His voice came out just above a whisper and you turned on him, sadness suddenly turning to offense.

"What? No, are you serious? Do you think that's what this is about? No, I'm not ashamed of you Matt, but dammit you almost killed that man! And I can't just pretend that it wasn't my fault that you almost crossed that line and broke your own rules!" Your voice was desperate as you explained yourself to his blank expression. You had to admit that you were hurt that he thought you could ever be ashamed of him. There was no shame toward him, only guilt towards yourself.

"I'm sorry," he dropped his sightless gaze to the floor. He knew he had gone too far, but he couldn't help himself. That thug was going to hurt you. The idea that the man had even touched you made Matt feel like he was too late. He couldn't even begin to imagine what might have happened. He didn't want to.

"I appreciate you looking out for me, I do, but you have got to get a grip on yourself if you're going to keep doing this vigilante thing. If you can't control your emotions enough because I almost got hurt, then maybe I should go." The weight of your own words felt like a hammer through the chest, but watching it hit Matt was even worse. You had never seen him crumple so thoroughly and it shattered you.

"Sweetheart, please," he sounded as if the air had been knocked from his lungs. He took a step towards you, reaching out again with quiet gasps. Sobs you realized. "Please, you can't- you can't mean that."

"I don't want to, but if you kill someone because of me then I don't… I don't know if I can live with that. That's blood on both of our hands and I didn't sign up for that when I agreed to marry you." It was everything in you to keep your voice level as you spoke. The tears flowed freely down his face now and you nervously fidgeted with your wedding ring. "I just need some time to think…"

The sound of your footsteps sounded thunderous in his ears as you walked out of the front door. He didn't want to listen to the way your heartbeat and sobs faded as you got further and further away from him but he couldn't help himself. The silence otherwise would drown him.

#kinda short but i didnt want to drag this one out so much #taliesin answers #taliesin writes #*insert mutual tag here*#matt murdock x reader #matt murdock #daredevil #matt murdock x you #daredevil x reader #daredevil fic #daredevil x you #matt murdock x gn!reader #matt murdock x gender neutral reader #matt murdock angst #daredevil angst

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likeitloveitblogit · 3 years ago

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Just Hold Me

I had a dream that got stuck in my brain, so I decided to turn it into a Loki x fem!reader fanfic. Here it is. Please be gentle this is the first but of my writing I've shared.

Pairing: Loki x fem!reader

Summary: After a rough battle fighting with the Avengers you skip the party to recover in your room at the Avengers tower. There you're visited by a drunk Thor and a comforting Loki.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warning: non consensual kissing, mention of assault, pain, mention of death, they all need therapy

What to expect: Me turning a dream into a Loki fluff therapy session.

From your room in the Avengers tower you could still hear the sounds of the party. Another victory for the team meant another raging party to celebrate. You loved a good party, but you had taken a few too many hits during the mission and had chosen to head back to your room.

A knock sounded at your door, "Y/N, are you there?" You heard the gruff voice of Thor.

The god of thunder and his brother Loki had become members of the team after defeating the Dark Elves in London. There had been a drunken night when Loki confessed to you he had considered faking his own death and stealing the throne of Asgard. But Loki had chosen to help fight, winning the battle and the approval of the Avengers. Not everyone had accepted them completely, but you understand that people were capable of change and had become friends with the pair.

"Y/N?!?" Thor called again, pounding a little harder on the door.

You rise from your bed and walk to the door, opening it you find a very clearly drunk Thor. It took a great deal of drinking to get the god drunk. You chuckle thinking about how much he must have consumed, but then notice that his eyes are full of tears.

"Thor, what's wrong?"

"Can I come in?"

Normally you didn't let anyone into your room. You were a fairly open person, happy to share, but your room was your safe place to get away and recharge. Standing there, leaning slightly against your door frame Thor looked completely broken, so you open the door and gesture for him to enter. Leaving the door open you follow Thor into the room.

You weren't sure how to handle having a guest in your room. But Thor walked over and sat on your bed, like he owned the place. "I'm sorry to bother you, I just, I was at that party and everything was good. You know we had that Asgardian wine brought in, so much better than anything here on Midgard. But then I saw a woman in the crowd that looked just like her. And I thought, I don't know, I thought maybe she had only faked it, maybe she'd just been lost and now she'd come to find me. I ran over to her, but the woman was just some stranger."

From your spot learning against the wall you asked, "Who do you mean? Jane?"

"Ha, I've lost her too. I seem to lose everyone I care about. But no. I thought I saw my mother"

That broke your heart. That same drunken night when Loki had confessed thinking of faking his own death, you two had also talked about Frigga's death. Unsure how to comfort the god then you had sat with Loki, holding his hand while he cried. Loki had been so close with Frigga, a part of Loki had changed when the guard had delivered the news of her death. Being in prison unable to even attend the funeral had stirred a desire to be a better person in Loki.

Even though you had seen Loki's grief, somehow Thor had seemed stronger, less affected, but Frigga was his mother, too. The loss of a parent is a terrible thing to deal with no matter how strong of a person you might appear to be. And clearly alcohol made the Asgardians emotional wrecks, because here now was the god of thunder sitting on your bed, body racking with sobs.

You sat down next to Thor, reaching to take his hand. Instead Thor pulled you into a crushing hug. Your first instinct was to pull away from the pain, you had really taken a beating in that fight. But Thor was your friend and he was hurting inside, so you relaxed. Rubbing circles on his back, you whispered "it's ok, you're ok" while you let him cry on your shoulder. The two of you sat like that for a long while before Thor released his hold on you.

You were about to ask Thor if he was feeling better, when he looked down at you and leaned in to kiss you. A million thoughts ran through your brain all at once. Fear struck you the strongest, and you scrambled away, backing up until your back was against the headboard. "What are you doing?"

"Um, kissing you," Thor said as he crawled toward you, hovering over you he leaned to try and kiss you.

"Well, stop it" you put your arms in front of your face trying to push him away. "Stop it, stop it, stop it"

Thor's strong arms easily push your own hands out of the way. But just as Thor leaned in towards you, he was ripped from on top of you.

Frightened, you look up to see Loki shoving Thor away, placing himself between you and Thor. "The lady told you to stop. What has gotten into you brother?"

"You don't know anything stupid brother, just leave us alone" Thor lunges for Loki, but Thor is still far too intoxicated to stand a chance in a fight. Loki easily pushes back and Thor nearly crashes into the wall.

Before Thor can lunge again Loki summons a pair of daggers and points then at Thor. "Brother you're drunk. You need to calm down. I don't want to hurt you, but if you try to hurt Y/N, I'll have no choice."

"Brother you wouldn't dare."

Loki points the daggers more directly at Thor "I don't know what is happening here but you know that I will do anything to defend a lady's honor."

"Oh, so you're just such a hero now? A perfect little prince charming? You're not defending anything. You're just jealous because Y/N invited me into her room and not you."

You stand up, careful to stay behind Loki. "Thor, nothing was going to happen between us. You came to me, crying and I offered you a hand to hold because I knew you missed your mother. You hugged me and I let you because you are my friend. But that's it. You are my friend and I don't want any more than that. You should thank Loki for keeping you from doing something you'd have regretted."

"You think I'd regret kissing you?"

"No, I think you'd regret kissing someone who didn't want to be kissed. You'd regret taking advantage of someone you cared about."

"I, I thought you'd want to kiss me"

"You buffoon, not everyone wants to have their face crushed in by your giant head."

"Hush Loki," you walk toward Thor, Loki tries to pull you back behind him but you touch his arm gently, and step forward. "Thor you know I do care about you, but I don't feel that way about you. Look, I know you have had a lot to drink tonight. And you have a lot of emotions running through you. I mean you thought you saw your mother, that has to be really hard to deal with. But you made a mistake."

"I thought, I just. Uh, I'm sorry"

"I know. Right now I think it is best if you go back to your room, get some sleep, and we can talk more in the morning, once you're sober."

"But,"

"You heard her brother. She is giving you a very generous offer. If you don't accept and leave now, I will make you. And I won't be nice about it."

With a final look at you, Thor leaves your room.

Once Loki is sure that Thor is gone, he sets his daggers down and turns to you. You register that he chose to set them down rather than magic then away, but chart it away as a question for later.

Approaching you, hands raised like you are an animal he is afraid to spook Loki asks, "Y/N, are you ok?"

"Yes, yes. I'm fine." Which is a lie, you're anything but ok. Unsteady on your feet, you nearly collapse.

Loki reaches to catch you and leads you to sit on the bed, "oh Y/N, what did he do to you? I'll kill him if he has hurt you."

"Thank you, but I'm actually just a little worse off than I thought from that fight today. All this has just made me extra aware of how tired I am."

"I'll go get Banner or Strange, or one of the others."

"No," you reach and grab onto his arm.

He looks down at the way your hands tremble as they hold onto his arm. "But, Y/N, you are unwell."

"I'm not sick. I'm not injured, well not more than normal after a fight. I'm just tired. Honest."

"Well then I'll leave you to rest"

But you only hold more tightly, "please don't"

"Don't what?" His breath catches as he looks down into your eyes.

"Please don't leave me. I don't, I don't want to be alone right now."

"Ok, I'll stay." Loki sits next to you, shifting his arm to take your hand. You rest your head on his shoulder and look at the interlocking of your fingers with his.

"Thank you."

"Thor is a buffoon, but I don't think he meant to harm you. He's not used to anyone not wanting him. Not that what he did was ok. I'm not trying to say it was ok."

"Loki, I know. I understand that he was hurting. And I guess I'm a beacon of comfort and he mistook that for romantic attraction. Honestly I think he would have stopped once he realized what he was doing. But I'm still so glad you were there."

Despite Loki's comforting hold, and the circles he was tracing with his long thumb, your hands still shook. "Y/N is there something more bothering you?"

Tears pricked the corners of your eyes. "When I saw your brother crawling towards me, I got so scared. I didn't see Thor, my friend. I saw that crazy guy from the factory today."

You could feel the moment the switch clicked and rage burned in Loki, "Wait did something happen? I don't remember a guy. Did this guy…, did he …, do something to you? I will end him."

"Oh Loki, my sweet murderous Loki. You actually already did."

"What?"

"You probably don't even remember, it was the heat of the battle. I'd gone in to clear the next room when I got knocked down and bumped my head. When I woke up, one of the baddies was dragging me by my ankle into the office, muttering about a sweet reward. How much fun he was going to have with me. He was reaching for me when you stormed in. I don't think you even saw me behind the desk, but you grabbed the guy before he could touch me. I didn't see what you did to him, but I heard it and it sounded very bloody."

"Oh gods, Y/N, I had no idea you were there in the back office. That guy looked deranged, even if we hadn't all been given orders to kill on sight I would have killed that man. If I'd known you were there I'd have made sure you were ok."

"I hid under the desk until you'd left and then I ran straight back to the jet. I felt so bad for not helping more with the fight, but…"

"Y/N, no one would ever blame you for running. That's not something anyone should have to face. Oh gods, and then my stupid brother had to come in and loom over you."

"He didn't know."

"No but that doesn't mean it wasn't terrifying, just the same."

You can't find the right words, and simply give a small nod. After a second of silence the question pops back into your brain. "Why did you leave your daggers on my nightstand? Why didn't you magic then away like you normally do?"

"Oh, uh, I was going to offer to let you borrow them. Just in case Thor tried to come back and visit."

"That's really sweet, but I've never been good with knives. I don't know if I'd even know what to do with them."

"Hmm well is there anything I can do to make you feel safer?"

There was a moment when you thought about saying, no. Telling Loki you'd be safe with his daggers, and sending him back to his room. But you couldn't do it. You could not send Loki away. Not when he felt like the only safe thing in the world. A breath of air after you'd been drowning all night. So you asked what you really wanted, not caring that it made you feel vulnerable.

"Can you hold me?"

"Are you sure you want that?"

"Yes I'm sure. I mean if you don't want to, I won't make you."

Loki gingerly wraps his arms around you, until you squeeze him half to death and he returns with a proper hug. Still holding you he says "I just didn't know if you'd want to be touched after… today and then my brother"

"You are not a brutish villain and you are not your brother. Do not take this as anything but a compliment, but right now the fact that you're not a big oversized muscle man is really comforting. And well neither men got the chance to do anything because of you."

"Y/N, I am so sorry you had to go through all of this. But I'm really happy that you find me comforting. I have done some terrible things that I deeply regret. And I've been afraid for so long that I'd never be able to find someone who felt safe around me."

"Everyone in this tower has done things that they can't take back. Things they regret. Including myself." You breathe in the scent of Loki, winter frost mixed with leather and metal, wondering when that scent had become so comforting to you. "But for right now, your arms feel like home and I don't want to ever leave."

"I will be here to hold you as long as you need."

"I'm going to take you up on that offer, because I might have a concussion, so you're going to have to watch me to make sure I don't die while I sleep."

"Humans are far too fragile."

"That we are. But that's an issue to deal with another day. Right now I just need you to hold me." You whisper as you lie yourself down, pulling Loki down with you. Carefully he wraps his arms around you pulling your little spoon body against his own big spoon body. Listening intently to your breathing as you drift asleep, Loki decides that he never wants to stop holding you.

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detectiveupstead · 3 years ago

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sometimes you just don’t know the answer (til someone’s on their knees and asks you)

god i wrote this as soon as 9x04 ended because goddamn i cannot handle my emotions right now i wanna hug Hailey and i wish Jay did more than punch Voight but it’s fine we’re fine we’ll cope we got this you guys

Read on AO3!!!

It’s silent in the house.

It’s the middle of the night, so silence is to be expected. Except the skylight in the bedroom allows for moonlight to wash over them, and Hailey feels as though it only illuminates the distance between them right now. Her, sitting on the bed and him, standing in the doorway, watching her. All she has to do is look at him, and she knows what’s happening. She knows that he knows.

He’s looking at her like the weight of this awful, soul-aching secret she’s been bearing all by herself is now resting on him, too. And Hailey didn’t want that. She had never wanted it. But the burden of the truth is on Jay now, too, and Hailey hates it. Keeping the truth about the warehouse, about Roy, from Jay had been eating her alive; she’d been in a constant struggle of wanting to tell him because he’s her partner, in every sense of the word, but also wanting to keep him in the dark because this wasn’t on him. It was her choice, her mistake, her sin to deal with. And Jay’s too good, isn’t he? His heart, his soul, is too good for her to taint it with the darkness that’s been clouding hers for too long.

But he knows. And the way he’s looking at her—it’s more crushing than the weight of the truth.

She doesn’t know where to go from here. She’s half-drunk from the whiskey, maybe, but the weight of his stare sobers her up. She doesn’t know what he’s thinking. Is he angry at her? He has to be, doesn’t he? She fucked up, horribly, and she had been lying to him for weeks. He had asked her, more than once, point blank if she was okay, if there was something going on with Voight, and she had told him not to his face. She’s a liar, a murderer. She doesn’t deserve someone like Jay. He knows that.

He’s still standing at the doorway, hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans as she sits there, her heart thundering so loudly she wonders if he can hear it, feeling the sting of tears already gathering in her eyes, though she refuses to let them fall. Then his lips part, and Hailey braces herself for what’s to come, but Jay surprises her by closing his mouth and walking towards her. Her eyes track his movements, his green eyes locking on her blue, watching as he sits on the edge of the bed right next to her, exhales softly, and pulls her in for a hug.

Hailey doesn’t give herself a moment to be stunned. She can’t. Not when his strong arms are around her, pulling her close instead of pushing her away, and Hailey’s eyes squeeze shut as her own arms wrap around his broad shoulders, face pressing into him as the familiar scent of him envelopes her, too.

Her heart is still pounding, but Jay’s hug grounds her, her fingers digging into the material of his overshirt as she feels his hands press to her lower back. A sob, thick with preemptive relief, works its way up her throat but Hailey keeps it in as she holds him, knowing a tear or two are escaping from her shut eyes.

Jay’s voice is quiet, thick, as he says, “There’s nothing you have done, or could do, that would make me love you any less.”

His words sink into her skin, her bones, her heart, and Hailey breaks.

The sob escapes and she clings to him, shifting as close as she can, and Jay holds her to him. The wall she had built to protect this horrible secret crumbles and through the sobs Hailey feels like she can breathe again because in one short sentence, Jay alleviated some of the terror that had gripped her so tightly. She feels his hand on her back, the other going to the back of her head as he holds her shaking body close.

“I’m sorry,” Hailey manages to get out between her cries, voice as broken as she feels, thick with the heaviness of it all. “I’m so, s-so sorry. I-I didn’t mean to kill him. It w-was an accident. I swear, I d-didn’t—”

“Hailey,” Jay cuts in gently, steadily. He pulls away, just enough to see her face, and through bleary eyes Hailey sees the way his expression depicts devastation, a raw show of heartbreak that she knows she put there, and feels the guilt rush over her all over again. His hand slides from the back of her head to her wet cheek, wiping at her tears, careful of the cut as his eyes lock onto hers. They’re glassy, too, against the silver moonlight, and Hailey’s throat tightens as he gives a small shake of his head. “You didn’t kill him.”

She stares at him, eyebrows pulling together through her tears, her hands resting against his chest as she croaks out, “Y-Yes, I did. Jay, I shot him, I—”

“You were put in an impossible situation,” Jay says, gaze hardening as he utters the next sentence. “Voight put you in that situation. He killed Roy. It doesn’t matter that you pulled the trigger. He’s the one who dragged you into doing it. This is not on you.”

Hailey can’t believe what she’s hearing, but she knows for a fact that Jay genuinely believes in what he’s telling her. The sharpness that edges in his firm words comes from his sincere belief because, to him, that’s the truth. And Hailey should be relieved that he’s looking at her with this expression of desperation, yearning for her to believe his words the way he believes them, but the truth is she’s in shock. She doesn’t doubt Jay’s love for her; she’s just in disbelief, not for the first time, that there’s someone who loves her this much, who cares for her this much, after a lifetime of not really having anyone like that.

Jay knows the truth, and just by one look at him, it’s obvious he doesn’t blame her for what happened.

And she wants to believe that. She does, she thinks. But she’s been carrying this for too long that complete belief in it doesn’t come so easily. Her gaze drops to her hands, which had began fisting his shirt in her anxiety, her voice cracking through the sobs as she says, “I’m not—I’m not like him.” She’s still apologizing, still on the defense, because she needs it. Needs him. “I didn’t want to—”

“I know you didn’t,” Jay says, his voice softening, head ducking ever so slightly so she can meet his gaze. His thumb brushes along her cheekbone, his touch warm and homely. He lets out a quiet breath. “Hailey, you had a panic attack over this. You haven’t been eating or sleeping—I know you didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I know you’re not like Voight. That’s not something you ever have to convince me of.” The muscle in his jaw feathers for a moment. “I just wish you’d told me.”

There it is.

Her throat is tight, her thoughts and emotions overwhelming her in ways she couldn’t make sense of. Trauma has a chokehold on her, refusing to let up its grip, to the point where it makes her choke out, “I didn’t want you to leave me.” I didn’t want you to hate me.

She hears the sharp inhale he sucks in after those words leave her, and Hailey squeezes her eyes shut because, God, she didn’t want him to think that she didn’t have faith in him, in his love for her, in them. But fear had an ugly way of twisting the truth and making it seem implausible. And Voight’s voice had always been in the back of her head, telling her to keep quiet, to keep Jay in the dark because this was too dark for him to know. And Jay is good. Jay is so good. Her ugly truths and crushing burdens aren’t for him.

But they’re partners. She should have told him. He’s the person she trusts the most in the world.

It’s just all so fucked. She is so fucked.

“What did I tell you?” Jay’s voice has gentled again, his light grip on her cheek forcing her head up, making them lock eyes again. There’s a pain in his eyes, hating that she thinks that there’s any truth in what she just said. He gave a single shake of his head. “I’m not going anywhere, Hailey. I need you to believe that.”

“I do,” Hailey responds immediately, taking in a shaking breath, hands still gripping his shirt, needing to hold onto him. She sniffles, throat tight, but her words are quick. “I should’ve told you. But I was terrified—not just because of what you’d think, but because of what I did, and because Voight kept telling me to keep quiet. He never said a word about what he did to Roy’s body, kept me in the dark about half of it. I-I wasn’t handling it well, wasn’t thinking straight. I hated acting like I didn’t know the truth in front of Kim, and I couldn’t stand keeping it from you. Every time I thought of telling you, I felt like Voight was right there, and the right thing felt like the wrong thing and I just—” Her voice breaks again, shaking her head. “I’m sorry.”

She takes a breath and Jay’s silent, because he knows she’s not done as her eyebrows knit together and she sniffles again, hand raising to wipe at her cheeks as she meets his patient gaze. Her chest feels tight as she speaks again. “The night I proposed—Jay, I meant every word.” His lips part like he’s about to speak up, but she cuts him off, needing him to hear the sincerity, to believe her truth. “It wasn’t some response to what happened that night. Maybe, in a way, it was; almost losing Kim like that, seeing the way Adam was spiraling—I love you, so much, and I can’t imagine living without you. That’s not a life I wanna have. Everything else may be going to hell, but wanting to marry you is the only thing I’ve ever been sure of. My timing sucked, and I don’t—I don’t blame you for questioning it, but I promise, I meant it. I’m—I’m sorry I broke your trust.”

It’s the pure, honest truth. Being with Jay is the only thing that makes sense, the only good thing in her life that brings her a kind of joy she’s never got to experience before. Her example of marriage was her parents’, and it’s a fucking miracle that she wants a promise of forever with anyone after the abuse she grew up with. But Jay is the only person Hailey wants to take that leap with, because of how much love and respect and trust is there. And maybe that last one is a little damaged because of recent events, but she needs to believe that they’ll be able to get through it.

Jay lets go of her, and before she can feel panic over any distance he may be putting between them, he simply holds her hands in his, resting them between them. His hands are large and warm, comforting. So many emotions swim in those green eyes, eyes that she loves so much as he looks at her. “You didn’t break my trust, Hailey,” Jay says, his voice soft, because his voice was always soft with her. Not for the first time, Hailey wonders what she did to deserve him. “I just wish you trusted me enough to have come to me from the beginning.” Her heart clenches, throat drying. “I hate that you dealt with this on your own. Not eating, not sleeping—you were killing yourself under the weight of the truth. I’m your partner. I love you. I need you to understand that all of that means that I’m here for you, with you, no matter what. Please.”

That last word is so heavy, so desperate, emphasized by Jay squeezing her hands in his. He’s looking at her with a gentle devastation that robs Hailey of her breath, and she makes a promise to herself, right then and there, that she’ll never do anything to make Jay think she doesn’t trust him enough to let him in. She’ll need to work for it, after everything that’s happened, but that’s a non-issue. For Jay, she’ll do it.

She takes a breath, blinking back the fresh sting of tears that had gathered in her eyes, nodding slowly, gaze fixing on his. “I know that,” she says, voice a whisper but words steady and firm. “I’m with you, too. I swear.”

Jay’s throat works, a small shuddering breath escaping him before he pulls her in once more. She leans into him, eyes closing, head this time tucked under his chin as he holds her close, the steady thumping of his heart as grounding as his embrace. His hand stroked her hair, lips pressing a kiss to the top of her head as she finally lets out a heavy, relieving sigh, like the weight of this damning secret has lifted. There’s still so much shit to sort through, but Jay letting her lean on him is enough to calm her down for now.

“I’ve got you,” his quiet words break through the silence of their bedroom, words whispered into her still damp hair. “We’ll figure this out together. You’re not alone, Hailey.”

Her arms are around his waist and the way Jay holds her close, she’s practically on his lap. But the words he utters and the way he holds her, Hailey has never felt safer. Against the warm, solid form of Jay, Hailey feels alright for the first time in too long. Nothing has been solved, she knows; Roy is still dead, the Feds are still investigating, and the burden of her truth is now shared with Jay even if she didn’t want it to be. But she can breathe easier now.

And maybe that makes her selfish, to weigh Jay down with the aftermath of her actions, but his whispered words of reassurance are sincere and his embrace is solid, and she no longer feels like she’s being completely ripped apart from the inside out. She’s not naive enough to think she’s all the way okay, but with Jay’s help, she could start getting there. He can’t absolve her of sins she hadn’t meant to have, but one thing’s for sure: he won’t let her go down for them, either.

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randomshyperson · 3 years ago

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Left Behind - Chapter 6 - Once a Promise, Always a Promise.

Gif was made by my official gif maker friend @abimess

Summary: The one where you lived in the apartment under the Maximoff family in Sokovia, or, your journey as a Sokovian civilian to Avenger.

Warnings: (+16) Violence, fighting, cursing, civil war environments, abuse of power, assault, torture, underage kissing, psychological torture, substance use, mention of assault/fighting of children, smut, kissing, teasing, insinuation of sexual and moral harassment, verbal offenses.

Words: 4.753k

A/N> It's been 84 years... I just hope someone still reads this haha Let me know what you think

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Chapter 6 - Once a Promise, Always a Promise.

When you wake up, you get your ass beaten up by an unknown woman.

You awaken all at once, advancing against the woman who was watching you sleep. Her surprise only lasts a second, however, as the next she returns your blow and knocks you to the ground, a gun pointed straight at your face.

Wide-eyed, you realize where you are and raise your hands.

"Sorry, sorry." You can quickly. "I thought I was in the lab again. Who the hell are you by the way?"

The woman raises her eyebrow at you.

"Cap, get over here before I shoot her."

And the next second, a blond man is running into the area of the ship where you are, looking worried.

"Let's all calm down, okay?" He asks as he sees the gun extended, and waits for the woman to put it down. You sigh lightly, rising to stand up.

"I'm sorry I attacked you, Miss." You ask as soon as you are on your feet, and massage your shoulder, which hit the ground hard when she knocked you down.

"It's fine, you just got beat up anyway." She teases, making you give a short laugh.

You were about to ask if they could let you off the ship anywhere, but a low groan of pain beside you caught your attention.

Just then you noticed the man lying on the stretcher next to you a few feet away, a large wound in his rib. You are also able to notice the rest of the ship, there is a man piloting a few meters away, and two men sitting further ahead, talking to each other.

"Hey, I can help." You stated immediately, but as soon as you moved, the woman stood in front of you, looking at you with suspicion and defiance, and you swallowed dryly. "I-I can heal him." You clarified, but the woman only changed her posture when the man next to you touched her forearm.

"Can you do that?" He asks you, and you nod. You wait for the woman to take a step back to approach the man on the stretcher.

"Hey, are you guys sure of this?" The man lying down asked uncomfortably, and you raise your hands in the air.

"Hi, I'm Y/N, I won't hurt you, I promise. "You guarantee it." Can I heal your injuries?" You ask and wait for him to confirm.

The wound is deep, but you have dealt with much worse.

"How did you do that?"

"It was nothing." You say as you put your hands down. His skin was completely intact again.

"This sure is cooler than lightning, huh, Thor?" Commented the blond as he sat down on the stretcher, clearly feeling better. The long-haired man at the back of the ship looks at you curiously as he stands up, and when he notices his colleague completely healed, he looks impressed.

"This sure is an interesting skill for a mortal." He says to you, and you don't know exactly what to make of those words, but you don't have time to comment, because he is already approaching to introduce himself. "My name is Thor Odinson, god of thunder."

You frown.

"G-god of thunder?" You repeat confused. "Sorry, is that some kind of joke?"

The woman next to you giggles, moving to sit on the stretcher next to the man you healed. The blond man in front of you looks slightly offended, but his expression softens immediately.

"I understand that at first, mortals may be incredulous at such a..."

"No, I just thought the title was funny." You interrupt the blond man, surprising him. "You guys are the Avengers, aren't you? My master has already told me about you."

“Your master?”

It is the other blond guy in the blue uniform who asks. You mentally repress yourself.

"Damn, sorry." You say. "It's what I used to call the soldiers and doctors who gave me orders."

"Your files say that you disappeared in Sokovia when you were younger, and what we found at the base were the records of the experiments they did on you." He adds, and you twiddle your fingers nervously. "I just want to make sure you're not going to try to bring the plane down with everyone inside."

The attempted joke is enough to make you smile, but you are beginning to feel overwhelmed. You really were free. After all this time, the idea seemed almost absurd.

You try to control your emotion at once, and the man seems to notice, because his expression softens immediately.

"Hey, come have a seat." He asks, signaling to one of the empty chairs, and you obey. "My name is Steve Rogers, and I promise you're safe now. Hydra will never hurt you again."

You nod frantically, feeling the tears in your eyes. But you try to normalize your breathing, not wanting to cry in front of strangers.

"I'm sorry, I just... I've just been trying to get away for so long." You confess next, wiping your eyes quickly. "It's weird to think I succeeded."

"We are going back to the Avengers tower now. Is there anyone you would like to get in touch with?" He asks, and his words make your stomach sink.

"Yes." You say. "But I have no idea where they are."

"Who? Your family?"

You give a short laugh.

"Yeah, I guess so. They were..." You start trying to remember exactly. You didn't even know how long it had been since the time you saw the twins at the Hydra base. You had no idea if they were alive, but you wanted to believe they were. Taking a deep breath, you continue. "They were my friends. Wanda and Pietro, we grew up together. They... I saw them once. When I still had the serum in my head. I..."

Seeing your difficulty in organizing your thoughts, Steve interrupts you by touching your forearm.

"It's okay." He says. "We'll find the twins."

"So they really are alive?"

Steve smiles.

"Yes." He answers and you feel your body relax all at once. "They ran away, I imagine they were scared, but we'll find them."

You gasp, unable to control your tears. Neither Steve nor the rest of the Avengers seem to care.

When you calm down, Steve introduces you to the rest of the team.

You are not exactly happy to meet Tony Stark. The mention of his last name makes you frown, because you know it was a Stark bomb that blew up your home at Sokovia, but when you accuse Tony, he seems really upset.

"Well, I guess you can get on the list of people who hate me then." He grumbles and you cross your arms, the whole team sensing the tension in the air.

"You could at least apologize for blowing up half of Sokovia with your weapons." You retort angrily, and the man rolls his eyes, not getting up from the armchair you were in.

"Sure, no problem. I'm sorry, kiddo. Happy?"

You clench your jaw, but before you can say anything, Steve steps forward.

"Tony, try not to be a jerk, okay?" The captain speaks and the other man lets out a wry laugh. "Have at least some respect for the girl's story."

"I have respect, Captain." He assures as he stands up, looking impatient. "What I don't have is time to revisit the past while our enemies get more and more powerful." He says and you frown in confusion. "I've already banned weapons production in the industries, and we've already taken on Hydra in that place. Now we can move on, because I need to get back to the compound and understand exactly what that thing is."

He speaks and finishes by signaling to the opposite side, and it is only then that you notice the shining scepter on the far side of the room and let out a surprised exclamation, taking three steps backwards.

"How did you guys get this?" You ask horrified and the team looks at you curiously.

"Have you seen the scepter before?"

"Of course I have!" You reply. "That's what gave me the healing! The damn stone went through my chest."

Thor steps forward, looking at you in surprise.

"So Hydra were able to decipher the scepter?

You laugh humorlessly.

"If by decipher you mean press the scepter against my chest while preening me in an iron chair, then yes." You reply, but take a deep breath to calm yourself. "A yellow stone came off as soon as the scepter touched me. And well, it went right through my skin. When I woke up, I could heal. But whatever it is, it killed all the soldiers who were holding me."

Thor seems to consider your words as Steve tells you that he is sorry for what you went through in Hydra.

Suddenly you remember where you first saw him.

"The man on the bridge!" You exclaimed, surprising him, but you were getting your memories gradually, and your heart was racing. "You are Captain America.... My god, where is Bucky?"

"Great, another fan of the metal arm." Tony comments sarcastically, but no one seems to care.

Steve looks at you with a frown.

"Is he safe? Is he free? Can I see him?" You ask promptly next, and Natasha chuckles.

"Hey, calm down." Steve asks and you swallow dryly, trying not to feel so overwhelmed with so many memories coming back at once. "How do you know Bucky?"

You blink in surprise.

"He...he didn't talk about me?"

It takes a second, and then Steve's eyes widen.

“Oh my god, you’re the guardian!

"I am what now?"

Steve lets out an incredulous laugh.

"The guardian." He repeats as if you were going to understand what he meant.

Natasha clears her throat.

"Captain, perhaps you'd better explain." She asks and Steve gestures quickly.

"We've been looking for you for months." Steve then adds, causing you to widen your eyes in surprise. "Bucky he... he's been trying to find you since he escaped. But he didn't know your name. All he knew was the nickname you got from the soldiers. The golden guardian of death. It's been our only tip to find you."

"I thought it was just golden guardian." Clint adds next, Nat makes a noise of agreement.

"No, I'm sure it was just Guardian of Death." Thor comments, but you are barely listening to the teasing, feeling your thoughts racing.

Steve raises his hands to your shoulders.

"Thank you so much for saving Bucky." He says before hugging you. You feel your neck heat up at the sudden contact, but do your best to reciprocate.

Steve lets you go then, smiling.

"He's going to be so happy to see you."

"Where is he?"

"At the compound." Steve replies. "He cannot attend field missions, it's part of the pardon. It's too much bureaucracy to explain now.."

"I think he's just lazy." Tony adds wryly, making the Avengers giggle.

And Steve's smile dies briefly.

"What's with you today, anyway, Stark?"

Tony sighs impatiently, finally rising from his armchair.

"I'm sorry if I'm not reacting in the way you consider proper captain, but I'm concerned about getting to work soon." He says as he moves toward you two. “I need to find out what this thing really is.”

"No, Stark, you won't touch this." It is Thor who announces, and all the avengers look genuinely surprised.

"I beg your pardon?" Stark retorted, but Thor didn't hesitate before he looked at you next.

"Describe to me again how you got your healing, mortal."

You sigh lightly.

"They locked me in an iron chair and brought the scepter." You narrated. "But they lie me on the chair next, and I could only feel the metal against my skin, and then I saw a yellow light. Something went right through my chest, and then right through." You say. "I blacked out for a second, the room was completely empty like a vision. When I blinked, it was back, but all the soldiers holding me were dead. And then they knocked me out."

"Before you said you saw a yellow stone?"

You nodded in agreement.

"I dreamed of this memory for several days." You clarify. "I was back in the room, but this time I watched myself. I saw when they put the scepter to my chest, and when the golden stone came out and went through my skin. It was the stone that released the wave of energy that killed the soldiers .I don't know why I didn't die too."

"A single blow that killed a group of soldiers at once." Thor mutters more to himself than to the rest of the teams. "It's decided then, no mortal must touch this. It's clearly far more power than anyone should have."

"This is ridiculous." Thor accused the next moment, making the team look at him curiously. "You can't just deny knowledge about something like that and..."

"Why are you so insistent on this, Tony?" It's Steve who asks suspiciously. Tony sighs, and gives a short laugh.

"You guys are unbelievable, you know." He says. "I'm trying to find new alternatives to our problems."

"What problems?" Steve asks with a confused grimace, and Tony rolls his eyes, looking nervous.

"Our enemies, Captain!" He snarls. "In case you haven't noticed, it hasn't been too long since we faced an army of robots coming from a hole in the sky!" He accuses. "We don't have the power to face this kind of thing. The scepter is exactly what I need to prevent the worst from happening."

"Where did that come from, Tony?" Steve retorted confused.

Stark gave a short laugh, rolling his eyes.

"I don't have time for this." He grimaced and moved to grab the scepter, but Thor stood in the way, arms crossed. "Really?" Tony impatiently charges, but Thor doesn't move. Stark clenches his jaw before declaring angrily. "I had a vision, okay? I saw all of us, defeated. Defeated because we didn't have the power to win. And I... I could have prevented it."

The avengers look as confused as you are, and remain silent. Tony sighs and runs his hand through his hair.

"It was New York again, but this time the enemy won." He continues, visually upset. When he lifted his face in Steve's direction, his look was angry, but his eyes had tears in it. "And you told me that I could have stopped it."

“I wouldn't do that.” Steve says. “If we ever lose, I wouldn't blame you, Tony.”

Tony gives a short laugh.

“Wouldn’t you really?” He retorts. “I’m pretty sure you would, cap.”

Steve takes a step forward, his eyes soften as he looks at his friend.

“I promise you, Tony. If we lose, we lose together.” He declares. “That’s what being an Avengers means. I’m sorry if I was not clear before, and made you feel any different than this or…”

“Stop it!” Tony angrily interrupts. You flinch because you think you saw a familiar red light in his eyes. “Cut this sentimental crap, Steve. I’m just trying to do what’s necessary here.”

“Back off, Stark!” You order as you noted how he has moved his wand to the scepter, he seems surprised by the action too. You move in his direction as he takes two steps back, looking irritated. You gave him no time to answer however, as you raise your hands over his head and touch his forehead with your fingers before he can complain.

Immediately, you can feel the remnants of magic on Tony's head. You don't recognize it at first, but as your own magic removes the other energy, you sigh slightly. It feels familiar, but you don't know why. The energy is still harmful though, probably due to the intention of the one who cast it, but you manage to clean it all up.

You succeed because you coordinate your magic to wipe the other energy like you usually clear and heal wounds, and it seems to work, because Tony raises his hands to your wrist, his wide-eyed eyes soften and he looks almost startled.

"I'm sorry." He asks and swallows dryly. You remove your fingers from his forehead completely, watching with curiosity. He takes a deep breath, blinking several times as if waking up. "I'm sorry, everyone, I... Damn, it was like a horrible dream. I need to lie down for a minute."

And with that he leaves.

You don't ask questions anymore, because Steve is going after him, and you are trying to figure it out why you still feel the unknown magic tingling at your fingertips, as if it is trying to merge with yours.

//-//

You cry when you see Bucky again.

He lets out a disbelieving laugh, and then he's running up, hugging you tight.

Your conversation is long and intense, and is almost mostly made up of gratitude.

The other Avengers seem very happy to see the whole interaction, especially Steve.

Tony isolates himself in his room as soon as you arrive, and Thor looks upset. He and Bruce discuss something, and then they go to talk to Tony.

You don't pay attention because you are listening to Bucky tell you about getting all his memories back, and living with the Avengers since you helped him. He was now free from Hydra's control, and was pardoned by the state on condition that he was no longer the Winter Soldier.

Nat also added in his narrative the information that he and Steve were "making fondue" and the joke made him laugh with red cheeks but you didn't understand what that meant.

You are very happy to see him, but you can't help but think that he was not the one you wanted to find when you were free.

When he introduces you to the rest of the compound, and to your room, you hug him in appreciation, and you both exchange a knowing look, finally acknowledging that you are safe.

//-//

Your first night in the compound is a strange one.

After meeting the whole team, who were polite despite having fought you a few hours ago, you received a full meal and then locked yourself in your room.

But you were not used to having such a soft bed, not even before Hydra, so sleeping seemed kind of impossible.

Figuring that the Avengers wouldn't mind you taking a late night stroll, you left your room.

"Are you lost, girl?" A female voice suddenly sounded making you jump in fright. It was Natasha Romanoff, or as she introduced herself earlier, Black Widow.

"S-sorry, ma'am." You retorted clumsily, and the woman raised her eyebrows at you. "I can't sleep."

"First, I'm not old, so don't call me ma'am." She commented wryly, and you tried to smile. "Second, I know the feeling. If you want, I can distract you."

Your last social conversation with a woman happened a long time ago, and then you find yourself asking:

"Are you inviting me to have sex?"

Nat lets out a surprised laugh, crossing her arms.

"Where did that come from?" she asks, and you scratch your neck lightly.

"Sorry, I learned how to talk to women from television shows that Hydra soldiers watched in the labs. Bad references. What did you mean by distracting me?"

Nat laughed, impressed by your words.

"I meant like have some tea and tell a story." She clarifies, not sounding the least bit upset. You put your hands in the pockets of the pajamas you've been given.

"R-right. That sounds more appropriate." You mumble with flushed cheeks, eliciting another laugh from the woman. As you begin walking side by side, she comments.

"You know, I think I'm going to have a lot of fun with you around here. You are just as awkward as Steve and Bucky."

You end up hearing a story about agents in Budapest, but it seems Nat doesn't tell the whole story. It's nice, though, you missed talking to someone.

"That thing you did earlier with Tony, that was really cool." Nat remarks after a pause in silence.

You take a sip of your tea after shrugging, but she seems inquisitive.

"How did you know it was Maximoff who messed with his head?"

You almost choke at the sudden mention of the name and Nat's watchful gaze makes it impossible to disguise. You sigh.

"I... They are my friends." You confess looking down at the cup, "Or they used to be."

Raising your gaze to Nat again, she only seems curious to know, and you shrug slightly, deciding to trust her.

"We grew up together in Sokovia." You count twirling your fingers on the handle of your cup, "They were the only family I had in the orphanage. And well, it was for them that I broke into a Hydra building."

Nat listens to your story intently, and you swallow dryly before continuing.

"When they captured me, the serum, it... well, it didn't exactly leave me conscientious." You try to explain. "It was like pushing all my memories away, my mind would become completely empty."

“"Is that what they did to Bucky?" Nat questions and you shake your head.

"No, they used electric shock on Bucky." You return with a grimace. "With me, they couldn't hurt me permanently, so they needed something that would make me obey without me being able to heal. It was like being drunk, I guess, only much worse."

“I’m sorry.”

"It 's fine.” You say with a sad smile. “I was dumb enough to go there, i knew the risks.”

“Don’t say that.” Nat asks with a serious voice. “It’s was not your fault they torture kids.”

"And whose fault is it, then?" You retorted, upset, with yourself more than with Nat or anyone else. "My friends for being stubborn idiots? Of Stark for throwing a bomb in my building? I'm tired of looking for reasons to justify what happened to me. Nothing is enough, and I just want to see my friends."

Nat sighs lightly, and raises a hand on the table to reach for yours. You want to hold back the tears, but they are already falling before you can do so.

"I promise we will find your family." She assures you tenderly, and you feel your heart soar at the possibility.

You nod in understanding, taking a deep breath to stop crying.

Nat squeezes your hand, and it takes a moment for you to speak again.

"Wanda." You begin, and almost sob. It has been a long time since you have spoken that name. "She... She must have gotten her powers the same way I did." You say trying to remember everything you witness in Hydra at that moment. "I remember the soldiers talking about the twins being the only ones to survive the stone besides me."

"From Shield records, we know she can manipulate energy and Pietro can run really fast." Nat informs as she releases your hand. She sits thoughtfully for a moment."Maybe because you all got the magic through the same source, you can heal what she can do to Tony's mind. But that's not really my area, maybe you should talk to Thor as well."

You sigh lightly, wiping away the remainder of the tears falling on your face.

"I will." You say. "But I want to find Wan-the twins first." You correct yourself quickly, hoping Nat doesn't notice your flushed cheeks. She does, but says nothing.

"Try to get some rest." She asks as she picks up the teacups. "We have a party coming up, and then Thor is supposed to return to Asgard. I imagine you will want to have a little chat with Bucky before you return to Sokovia."

"I would go back to Sokovia right now if you ask me." You mutter making Nat chuckle lightly. "But I don't want to disturb any of you. I've waited for a long time, I can wait a little longer."

When Nat turns around after putting the glasses in the sink, she has a soft expression.

"You are not a nuisance here, kid." She assures with a smile. "We've just been caught a little by surprise with a new person, but it will be a pleasure to help you find the twins." She says and then has a mischievous expression. "I shouldn't tell you yet, but Steve is pretty excited about the whole thing. He wants you and the twins to join the team eventually."

"Really?" You ask in surprise and Nat just mumbles in agreement, still smiling.

She turns around on the countertop and before she leaves, she turns to you.

"If you ask my opinion, you seem to care a lot about both of them." She says. "I think that no matter how much time has passed, or if they are fighting on opposite sides, she will be happy to see you."

You swallow dryly, looking away.

Nat smiles one last time before leaving and you twiddle your fingers nervously, sitting for a while at the table before returning to your room.

With much to think about, you are surprised that you fall asleep almost instantly as you lie down.

//-//

The Hydra serum is still in your system.

You realize it in a rather embarrassing way actually.

After waking up on the couch, you went to the kitchen.

Bucky tells you that all the team is having a meeting and they will join you two soon, so you just lay against the wall while he reads the newspaper out loud for you.

The Avengers stay in the meeting room for a long time, and don't seem very pleased when they leave, but Tony seems intrigued.

You are surprised that he comes to talk to you as soon as he sees you.

"I didn't thank you for yesterday, kid." He says with a smile. "Whatever you did took away that bad feeling. Now I can work without having to hide that I'm trying to help."

You didn't quite know what to respond, but it didn't matter because Tony was patting you on the shoulder before smiling contentedly at the rest of the team.

"While I figure out a way to decipher the stone, which won't be hard since I'm incredibly smart." He begins his speech, causing the group to let out debauched laughter. "You guys can get busy with whatever old people do for fun. Except you Thunderlord, I'm going to need your help in the lab."

"Wow, Tony Stark asking for help." Thor teases and you watch the interaction with a smile on your lips, moving to join the table. "What a little magic doesn't do to your head, heh?"

"Don't tease me, Thundercat. I'll throw you out of this building, and you won't get any breakfast." He says with false seriousness and you laugh lightly as you pour yourself a cup of coffee. "Hey, kid, give me some too?"

"Ja, Master." You respond mechanically, perhaps even a little sleepily. The Avengers look at you with curiosity and confusion as they see you mechanically pour the coffee, and hand it to Tony, who looks shocked.

"He is not your master, kid." It is Natasha who breaks the silence, and you blink in confusion looking around for a moment.

"R-right." You say. "Sorry about that, Tony. Old habits I guess."

Tony thanks you for the drink, and you think the subject is going to die, but then Natasha keeps looking at you.

"Hey, Y/N, come over here." She asks and you move immediately. Shit. Natasha raises her eyebrow. "Take two steps to the left." Your body obeys. “Now to the right.” She asks and you obey again. This is terrible. The widow looks at you impressed.

"That looks bad." Tony quickly mocks before waving for Thor to accompany him to the lab, justifying that they should get to work soon.

Nat continues to look at you incredulously, but then Steve gets up from the table as well and snaps his fingers in front of your eyes, making you jump in fright slightly. He assumes a worried expression afterwards.

"You are obeying our orders as if we were your masters." He says. "Let's go see Bruce in the lab, he'll want to run some tests."

When you reach the lab, and Steve explains to Bruce what happened at breakfast, you are not surprised that he puts needles in your arm. You hope the news will be good when he finishes assessing your blood.

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#wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x yn #wanda x reader #Left Behind #wanda maximoff #avengers fanfic #avengers x reader #bucky barnes x reader

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robinofgothamcity · 3 years ago

Text

♡ prompt: "Do you want me to hurt him?" / inspired by 'telephone' by lady gaga

♡ pairing: bart allen ( impulse ) x fem! reader

♡ note: not checked for grammar or spelling mistakes / my schedule is going to become more sporadic starting next week :/ i'm going to keep the warning up until next week.

"Bart, shut up," you said, jokingly pushing him. he laughed, handing you the ice cream, "what? I'm serious! I just think that mint chocolate is better. if you have just mint, it'll taste like toothpaste and if you have just chocolate, it's too sweet so mint chocolate is a good even ground," he explained.

you felt your phone vibrate as Jinny spoke up, talking about how Bart and Connor shared one brain cell outside of the field. looking down to see who was ringing you, you saw that it was your god forsaken boyfriend for the 100th time.

"oooo, who is that?" Bart asked, looking over to your phone. he read the wall of text you had received but you quickly shut your phone off, not bothering to read it, "you gonna answer that?" he asked, a small bit of jealousy bubbling up inside him.

"don't really feel like it," you quickly said, trying to remain off that topic. Bart, clearly annoyed, snatched your phone and put it in his pocket, "than let's forget about him, right?" he asked, putting on his annoyed fake smile.

Tim and Jinny saw the very irritated face Bart had and looked to each other as they shook their heads, "those two I swear," Jinny huffed out in annoyance. "more like ( your name )," he replied, "Bart could admit his feelings to her face and she still wouldn't do anything about that horrid boyfriend of hers."

the two of them stifled giggles from each other as they watched the two of you continue to flirt openly. it was no secret to anyone on the team. it was very clear to everyone on the YJ team, the Titans, even the JLA knew that the two of you liked each other....a lot but it was that stupid boyfriend of yours that got in the way of Bart ever truly expressing his feelings for you.

"what is everyone's plans after this?" you asked the team as they all murmured different answers, indicating that they were all busy. you sighed, trying not go straight up at the moment because you knew that you'd have to deal with your boyfriends calls when you got there, "I'll stay out with ya!" Bart replied as he saw the empty park bench.

you gave him a grin, "thanks Allen. you're a life saver," you exclaimed, waving everyone off goodbye. you walked to the bench, Bart following right behind you as Bart felt your phone ringing again.

there had been a scarce few times where you did call Bart with your boyfriend problems. it was usually late at night. probably inching near three in the morning when you called him sobbing, asking him if you deserved to go through the bullshit you were dealing with your boyfriend.

Bart always felt himself getting angry whenever he received those calls. you sounded so heartbroken, tired, and emotional. he was always there to help pick you back up but not even a few days later, you were back with him, telling Bart that your boyfriend needed you now more than ever.

"he's still angry that you're hanging out with me? do you want me to hurt him?" he asked, finally taking your phone out of your pocket. you nodded, rolling your eyes, "Bart no. he thinks that my 'job' is taking too much time away from him and I being together. I swear, it's like hearing a broken record. one minute, he's mad and wants to break up and the next second, he's at my door asking for forgiveness," you explained, frustrated.

Bart squeezed your hand, tapping his fingers on top yours, "you know what you need to do," he replied, giving you a serious look. you stared at him, biting your lip, "it's hard, Bart. he's going through a lot and I'll feel guilty if I just leave him," you whispered taking his hand and holding it.

"you literally fight villains for a living and you're scared of that? you know you deserve more," Bart said, "and I've seen the way you look at other girls who decide to flirt with me," he joked, trying to break the tension. "shut up, it's not even like that," you lied, making Bart even laugh more. "but seriously, you know it's not secret that I like you." you sighed, not knowing what to say as you put your head on his shoulder.

the silence wasn't exactly awkward but it wasn't comfortable either. there had been multiple times when Bart had told you his true feelings for you and every time he did, you responded with a hum or a 'okay Bart'.

it wasn't that you didn't accept his true feelings. it was far from that. you actually did like the speedster but you knew Bart could do a lot better. you knew Bart deserved someone who actually deserved him and that person wasn't you. you weren't as cute or funny as he was. he deserved someone like Cassie. smart, funny, and cute.

the YJ tower was completely empty aside from you and Bart. everyone was out doing their own thing. Tim and Connor were at their respective homes. Jinny and Amethyst were out doing god knows what meanwhile Keli and Cassie had gone to the movies to watch a film they both had been dying to see so that just left you and Bart in the lair to do as you pleased.

"Bart, hand me the remote," you said lazily. he handed it to you as you turned it off, getting up and stretching yourself out. Bart stared at you confused, "why'd you turn it off? I was watching that!" he exclaimed. you threw the remote across the couch and getting him up, "lets do something productive and make dinner or something," you replied enthusiastically.

Bart rolled his eyes but got up nonetheless. he followed you to the kitchen as you played music through the speakers that were built on the wall. "what're you making?" he asked, seeing you take out things that made no sense.

you looked over your options and realized you could make some kind of stew or a soup of some kind. "beef and gravy stew! we have enough things to make enough for the team and seconds for the both of us," you said, getting the things from the cupboards and having Bart start to chop every thing up.

you knew Bart was dumb but that didn't mean he wasn't a kick ass cook. there had been multiple times where he had made everyone dinner or dinner even for the two of you and it always turned out amazing. you dumped every thing that Bart had chopped up and proud it into the pot before grabbing a few things from the fridge and making the gravy that had to poured in. it didn't take long but the two of you had to wait until the pot boiled up in order for it to be ready.

the song 'telepatia' by Kali Uchis played over the speakers as you finally turned over to Bart and smiled, "we just need for it to boil and it'll be ready!" you exclaimed. he nodded as you started singing the song out loud. not particularly towards him but a warm feeling in his gut made him get butterflies as you continued.

"you know I'm just a flight away, if you want it, you can take a private plane."

you looked up to Bart, wanting to give him another smile but he quickly got rid of any questioning thoughts and went in for a kiss. you were taken back in surprise. this was the first time Bart had ever put his feelings forward and actually gave you a kiss.

his kisses were soft. they weren't rushed which was ironic considering all Bart was, was being fast and always on the move. you had placed your hands on his thighs as you made the kiss even deeper. it took you a few seconds to register what you were doing when alarms rang off in your head. you had a boyfriend and by continuing to kiss Bart, you were technically cheating on him.

"Bart no, I can't," you murmured, pushing yourself off of him. he gave you a defeated look, understanding where you coming from, "I'm sorry," you replied, going back to the food and trying to forget that you even made the move to reciprocate the kiss. in the back of your mind though, knew it that kiss meant that you had fell for Bart and hard.

"I have to head home, it's getting late and we patrol tomorrow night so I think it's best we head back," you whispered knowing you'd have to deal with your stingy boyfriend when you got home. Bart gave your hand one more squeeze before getting up, "see you later," Bart murmured, getting the inkling feeling that he'd probably receive a phone call tonight from you.

you nodded, making your way towards your apartment. you had a fuck ton of messages from your boyfriend and over ten missed calls by the time you sat comfortably in your couch. you finally dialed him back, instantly getting a bunch of curse words thrown at you for not picking up.

it felt like hours when the two of you finally stopped arguing with each other. it ended with you in tears and your voice hoarse as you had finally grown the nerve to break up with him. you knew for your mental health that it was time to do it and truthfully, your feelings for Bart were growing more and more every time you saw him. there was no point in continuing the relationship if you were no longer having feelings for him and although you felt guilty by doing it, you ripped it off like a band aid.

you grabbed your phone and clicked on Bart's number. Bart on the other hand shifted in his bed, seeing your contact light up his phone. he groggily picked it up, "hey," he said in that sleepy tone of his. you hiccuped, trying to control your tears, "can you come over?" you whispered, the crack of thunder scaring you shitless, "I really need someone right now."

Bart sighed, telling you to give him a minute before hanging up. Bart had no idea how many more of these late night sleepovers he had left in him. he sped over to your place, grabbing the secret key from the back of the broken piece of wood that was attached to your door frame. he opened it, seeing you sitting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee in one hand and your hiccups still overcoming your body.

"what's wrong?" he asked. you stared at him, tears instantly rushing down your face, "I deserve to be happy right?" he nodded almost immediately, "than why do I feel so shitty because I broke up with him?" you asked.

Bart stared at you, not believing what he was hearing. you had finally broken up with that shitty boyfriend and he was the first person you contacted.

"because that's what manipulative people do ( your name )," he whispered, "they make you feel like shit for things that you didn't even do. you're perfect and he didn't deserve you or anyone like you. especially you though," he joked, bracing you even harder for a hug. he knew it would be wrong to try and make a move but gave you a kiss on the top of your head and whispered nothing but supportive things into your ear as you tried to calm yourself down.

the rain happening outside and Bart's words were lulling you to sleep as Bart hadn't even realized that you were passing out on his side. it wasn't until you hadn't moved that Bart realized you were not longer awake. he grabbed your body, lifting you up bridal style before making his way to your room.

he placed you down on your bed with every intention of just letting you sleep and him heading home but you grabbed onto his body, sleepily saying that he was going to stay here. you hadn't even said it as a question but more as a statement. he didn't argue with it; however, and he had thankfully came over in his pajamas as he scooted you over a bit and crawled in.

you smiled softly, hugging him instantly and passing out once again. Bart placed a small kiss on the top of your head before whispering into your ear, "you'll be mine one day, didn't I tell you that?" he murmured before trying to fall back asleep.

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