#sorry i dont hate myself anymore ? damn.

[mandiemegatron]

weird that you're fat and love Shachi even though he canonically doesn't like fat women? As a fellow fatty, that couldn't be me.😐

LMFAAOOO WHAT ?!

Are you actually fucking delusional?! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

IN WHAT WORLD DOES MY MAN NOT LOVE FAT WOMEN ?! WHAT ?! LMFAAOOOOOO I CANNOT HANDLE THIS RIGHT NOW 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

You say canonically, I just used the beauty that is FIREFOX, you dumb, balding, wack ass, raggedy ass BITCH, and NO WHERE does it say that my mans hates fat women.

ACTUALLY, IT SAYS, PLAIN AS DAY, "SHACHI LIKES WOMEN."

Period.

Go be miserable somewhere else. Also, you send this TWICE, so.... blocked! 💖🤭

[our-lady-of-mcr]

everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn

[larryjohnsoncosplayonthursday]

last

for realsies

[nightmare8-420]

Why does nothing ever hurt enough when you want to hurt.

Why dont i just do it, this is so pathetic

[kimmkitsuragi]

bg3 camp music makes me go 🧘‍♂️😢

[bittwitchy]

i have to pause bc i broke my likes again the spam will continue in like 10-20 mins lol

k to break up my blondie spam ima go spam rb a bunch of my edits from my old rp so if u dont like that i dont wanna hear abt it :)

[arson-09]

Acowar Review✨✨ sjm needs to pay for my therapy✨✨

Its not as infuriating as acomaf but its still… bad.

Point 1: the court of ignorance and dumbassery

Lets cut to the chase. why the FUCK didnt feyre read Tamlin and Luciens minds at ANYPOINT while she was doin her hot girl shit of taking the spring court down??? huh sjm??? why is your fmc only powerful when convenient. So much could have been cut down. Acowar was way too long.

The whole destroying of the spring court didnt even make that much sense. Im all for a girlie getting back at the people who wronged her but feyre ended up hurting a lot of innocent people in the process. Feyre even tries to ignore the consequences of her actions. She had to invade peoples minds and manipulate people to get them to turn against tamlin and all this could have been avoided if she read his damn mind and learned he was a double agent. Lucien even hinted towards it

Part One: Princess of Carrion »

Chapter Six

None. It was either go to war with the Night Court and Hybern, or ally with Hybern, let them try to stir up trouble, and then use that alliance to our own advantage further down the road." "What do you mean," I breathed. But Lucien realized what he'd said, and hedged, "We have enemies in every court. Having Hybern's alliance will make them think twice." Liar. Trained, clever liar.

If feyre is supposed to be so smart, and she did pick up on this, why didnt she do anything? This is so frustrating.

Then once she leaves the spring court i found myself frankly not caring. Acomaf hadnt given me enough to care about the inner circle so i didnt and sjm cant make me like rhysand. which i have so many gripes but for word counts sake let me name my main ones

Point 2: Sarah Janet Maas and her shitty love interests

the ignoring rhysand sexual assault of feyre and EXCUSING it and his little habit of not telling his court things

Part Two: Cursebreaker »

Chapter Twelve

Was it going on before you even left?" I whipped my head to him, even if I could barely make out his features in the dark. "I never touched Rhysand like that until months later." "You kissed Under the Mountain." "I had as little choice in that as I did in the dancing." "And yet this is the male you now love." He didn't know-he had no inkling of the personal history, the secrets, that had opened my heart to the High Lord of the Night Court. They were not my stories to tell

here we have sjm acknowledging that yeah, rhysand Sexually Assaulted Feyre UtM in Acotar. Without her consent he dressed her inappropriately (which she was uncomfortable with) had her dance provocatively in his lap, kissed her, and made her drink alcohol so she wouldn't remember the details all without her consent. Yet Sjm is going “its fine” now and feyre herself going “you just dont get it…” ⁉️⁉️⁉️

Now see if sjm actually planned for rhysand to become the love interest why didnt she just avoid all this by having Amarantha make rhysand do this to feyre? Because that would have solved some issues but no. Because Rhysand did all this of his own free will in acotar. He actively chose to do this to feyre. To humiliate her and anger Tamlin because rhysand is obsessed with Tamlin.

Rhysand also loves to not tell his own court things. I was and still am very angry over him not telling Mor, Azriel, Cassien and at the very least his Wife about his plan with the court of nightmares. Just why.

Mors anger towards Nesta also makes no sense. sjm stop writing girl on girl hate challenge impossible

Point three: That one toy story scene “I dont wanna play with you anymore!”

Now tamlin. Tamlin tamlin tamlin im so sorry love for what sjm has done to you. If i start ill never stop. What Tamlin said to feyre and rhysand at the high lords meeting was out of pocket but he also wasnt wrong about some things. Also from established character these actions make no sense and his actions havent made sense since acomaf because sjm threw him and his character away to play with shadow daddy and bad morals. But she also cant commit to making a character of hers actually evil so tamlin saves the whole day by bringing the autumn court to fight and saving rhysand life. Tamlin has redeemed himself by sjm standards but she then wrote the holiday novel which i have read and detested.

Overall the plot was fine. i guess. it probably looked better when compared to the characters.

Sjm learn to redeem characters outside of “ooh they were abused and have trauma so everything they do is okay” for guys and “she fell in love/had sex with the most PERFECT MALE TO EVER MASCULINE.” its boring and flat. Also i know what happens in Acosf (i will not be reading that ty) so wtf happened to Nesta bro. she got the tamlin treatment. boooo 👎

to end off heres some of my favorite highlights from acowar 50%+ thru the book.

[reorientation]

zyn anon. sorry to spam your dms, i just have some updates i can't really share elsewhere lmao. only one of my irls know im fucking this boy but she doesn't know it was for nicotine pouches lmao

im not even "exchanging" my "services" for zyns anymore. i didn't like them at all, but id still occasionally ask for a tin or two here and there. to not let it get to his head ☺️. a month and a half later im just doing it for free 😒 he makes jokes now that im not even fucking him for product. and jokes that he got me addicted to him instead. so you were right about me becoming a budding addict for a straight mans cock.

we never had a convo about us being official, but he made it clear early on that he wants to be the only guy fucking me rn. i asked if he sleeps around with other girls, and he said he doesnt need to when im so eager for him. :/. he calls me his girlfriend in front of his roommate and gamer friends, too. but not to people we know mutually.

he's also a lot more affectionate now. we've been on an actual date, it was surprisingly romantic and really sweet, and not just me blowing him in his car. though I did after but that's not the point.

i pretty much dress exclusively femininely outside of our programs unisex uniform, i used run errands in boymode but im not even doing that anymore. i have a chosen name that can be shortened into something kinda feminine sounding so he just calls me that. even in front of classmates who dont know i have a pussy, and one that hes been inside of. and the "nickname" is catching on with our classmates too lol.

z anon. forgot to include the update. sorry, i ramble a lot.

i skipped my last two T shots ☺️ im still waiting on my iud appointment in a few weeks. unfortunately this also means i havent really been letting him inside me as often, since im still really scared of pregnancy especially this early on in this weird situation. i am blowing him a lot though lol. it's a win win for me since being on my knees for him with his cock down my throat is so damn hot, especially when he's kinda fucking my face and pulls my hair during it. but fuck its probably been at least a week since his cocks been in me and i miss it. a lot lol. hes so manly and strong, i miss how feminine i feel when im under him. his body would just inadvertently pin me in place, im painfully aware of how small and feminine i am in comparison to him. how truly heterosexual it all is.

but i cannot trust myself bro like i know even if i insist on him using a condom ill end up asking for him to take it off. if he doesnt outright refuse. and like it's so difficult because that turns me on more. i know ill end up having his dick in me sometime before I get my iud, i just gotta be responsible and power through the demons.

im still dysphoric through this situation, especially since stopping T and the fear of like. the few times hes cum in me before havimg a little more serious consequences. despite taking plan b after each time. but the horny part of my brain has never been happier. whenever i feel like backing out, i send him nudes or text him smth risky just for extra self encouragement. but he's on a camping vacation thing rn with his family, and the service is shit and i miss him 🥺 even outside of sex.

like I want to become his girlfriend, truly. and that would have me become a girl for him. which basically means becoming a girl fulltime. i guess that would actually just be going back to being a girl. all for a straight boy 🤦🏻

its hugely dysphoric but kinda nice, like a part of me hates how he's so much bigger and way more masculine than me without any effort, even outside of us having heterosexual sex. i get so dysphoric that he's taller, bigger, way stronger and just so clearly male. but apparently, i enjoy being a girl for him more than i hate it.

(Previously)

You know, Anon, this is awfully romantic.

I mean, listen to yourself. You got into this as a whore, offering to suck his dick for discounted nicotine pouches, but now you're pining over him, and wanting to be a proper girl so that you can be his girlfriend. You're definitely still a whore, but you're a whore with a heart of gold.

Not a smart whore, though. So scared of pregnancy, but you stopped your T before getting on real birth control, knowing that you can't stop yourself from begging for his bare cock. You're so desperate to be a good girl for him that you're consciously ramping up the risk of having his baby, just so that you can return to full femininity a little sooner.

You know, I got this anon after your last ask:

They're not quite right, in that this first update doesn't include a pregnancy announcement. But it's been a bit since you sent me this, and reading what you sent me, it's not hard to imagine you having already gotten started on the path to being a cute little baby mama to your straight boyfriend.

But even if you haven't... You're never going to be able to forget what this was like, will you? Losing your virginity to a straight man, and so easily losing your identity with it. Being pinned down by him with your legs spread and his bare cock in your pussy. The simple force of a man on top of you, and how simple it was to slip back into womanhood and welcome him in.

[rayjeff]

btw sorry i haven't been as active recently, life's rough

(if you want to hear me vent and talk about life you can read it below hihi, anyway i wish you good night/day/whatever ;>)

okay so i was assigned to this 'art competition' at my school called "makro" around 3 months ago. What the hell's makro you may ask, it's a silly thing teachers assign you to in 4th grade of art school high school and give you extra classes in drawing, painting and sculpture for as long as you're not kicked out.. kicked out? well, yeah, there are 'preliminaries' so they can pick """the best students""". When there are 3 to 5 students left, they send you even further to the state competition(? country competition?? i dont know how to translate that lol). So yeah, pretty serious stuff i guess. If you win, you can receive a scholarship (and have almost perfect art portfolio)

so what am i doing there? I HAVE NO IDEA GOD DAMN IT

they fricking put me there without my knowledge and now im in the last 9 students?? help???

i honestly hate being there, i probably should be more greatful but i just can't enjoy something im forced to do. I've been drawing the same god damn stuff for several months now and i feel so washed out and exhausted that i don't like drawing anymore and im questioning my life choices xD

yes, i posted some sonic sketches ealier in the day but this is literally the first thing i've drawn for myself in a month or 2

i could have said that i don't want to participate in this beforehand, but they said that it was beneficial, relaxing and i could develop my skills, so i agreed. Now it's too late to say no. I'm too deeply involved in this to back out. And at this point i'm not sure if i would be more sad if they kicked me out (which would mean that i'm not good enough) or if i was moved to the next stage (more suffering)

I stopped texting to anyone too besides my 2 close friends, im just too tired to do anything honestly and i just want me and my mattress to become one

I'm holding on for now but ohhh it's hard sometimes

anyway.. sorry for whining and wasting your time lol, hope you guys doing okay :] wish you funky, silly, fun weekend

[scourgefrontiers]

yall ready for a gender journey post..

so yall could probably guess i grew up a cis girl. i didnt start questioning my gender until high school after i broke up with my first boyfriend which kind of freed me up to explore my identity as my own person for the first time. around age like 16 was when i first started identifying as trans, and at the time that meant a binary trans guy

after a couple years of getting comfortable exploring my gender i decided hey maybe im actually not a binary trans guy but instead nonbinary. still transmasc and guy leaning but not quite all the way anymore. this became a trend for the next loooong while, getting closer to the androgynous part of the spectrum as time went on

then in recent years (maybe about 5 years ago ish) i started to lean more towards femininity. this is significant for me because growing up i was always opposed to it--i hated wearing dresses, i hated putting on makeup, anything "girly" appalled me and i didnt know why. i ended up thinking its because i WASNT a girl, and thats why i was so uncomfortable with everything to do with being a girl. i rejected it so hard because it just wasnt me.

after living with eden for a while i got even more comfortable exploring the feminine part of myself. i started wearing dresses and skirts and actually ENJOYED it; i started painting my nails and wearing earrings again; i even grew my hair out to my shoulderblades (yeah thats where its at now LOL). ive even started using she/her alongside they/them. and im actually enjoying these things??? it feels like after all these years im finally able to reclaim them because i feel like im finally able to be comfortable with my gender--how my gender feels to ME, not to everyone else.

that was the problem when i was growing up--i was trapped in everyone else's perception of my gender and what it "should" be. i was trapped into a box that was made by everyone else's idea of what i SHOULD look like, what i SHOULD wear, what i SHOULD act like, etc. and it took me until age 26 to fully realize that my gender is what i want it to be, not what everyone else wants.

i dont have to be a guy to want facial hair and a flat chest and a low voice. loving pink and dresses and cute things and makeup and jewelry doesnt inherently mean im a girl. pronouns, features, clothes, even names dont inherently mean youre one gender or another. your gender is defined by you and only you and nobody should be able to put you into a box and define your gender for you.

..having said all this, im starting to explore my gender further, and im slowly coming to the POSSIBLE conclusion that i might come back around to being cis (albeit gnc). nothing would really change about me except the label tbh. if i do end up coming to that conclusion i will be very bummed about leaving the trans community, but i wont feel any less attached to it, as ive spent literally half my life as part of it. i understand what its like to be trans and to love myself as my most authentic self, and thats why im considering this possiblity!

identifying as a lesbian kind of pushed me in this direction as well--i cant remember the last time i felt truly comfortable and happy with a label regarding my orientation.. like ya damn. maybe i am a girl who likes girls LOL. it just feels right and natural for me personally??? its crazy. i love women. if youre a woman i love you no matter the flavor. i love my wife more than all of you though sorry <3

but god please dont take this as me being like "oh trans people just need to get comfortable with their gender and theyll realize theyre cis" that is a bullshit take and i am not saying that. this is strictly my own experience and journey! i am 100% not speaking for every trans person and you shouldnt either.

but ya. dan cis era???? we'll see. no official statement just yet but i just wanted to let yall know where im at in my ~gender journey~. until i confirm anything please still view me as a nonbinary girlthing! <3

[widevibratobitch]

Ok. Any "Terror" fic recommendations?

good lord YES countless really. idk what you're looking for specifically though.

i myself am a fitzier girlie first and foremost with some occasional fitzconte thrown in. i'll best direct you to my ao3 bookmarks, specifically to the tag i keep for my personal favourites, the crème de la crème of fics I've read and liked.

some examples under the cut.

i am a connoisseur of ✨fitzier hatesex✨ and there's surprisingly not that many of those compared to fics where they're all lovey-dovey with each other (which. dont get me wrong. i also enjoy from time to time). so i'll give you some that have truly stuck with me. it's mostly pwp sorry not sorry.

Some lovely perilous thing by cosmogram

“Oh,” James gasps, and really, it’s almost too easy. James ought to have some modicum of shame, ought to be able to master himself better than this—better than turning to a doe-eyed dissolute the second a man so much as breathes near his eager young cock. “Not here, Francis,” James pants out, voice already hitching high. “The great cabin, at the very least.”

“Here, I think,” Francis returns crisply. “On your knees.”

it's just so fucking good. very hot. i honestly don't know what else i could say about this, it's one of my personal favourites amongst personal favourites (along with the one i link next, from the same author).

Devotion by cosmogram

Francis does not seek him anymore, but neither—still worse—does Francis bother to dismiss him when James arrives of his own volition, each time with all the hope of the most wretched fool. “Oh, get to it, then,” Francis muttered with sublime disinterest that very day when James appeared in his cabin’s doorway. James had, in fact, come to talk—but he had not hesitated when Francis gestured dispassionately to the front of his trousers. He had dropped, wordlessly, to his knees to obey.

everyone give it up for erectile dysfunction! hip-hip hurray! the author sums it up well with the James Fitzjames’s Tragically Unmet Praise Kink tag. this one is a little more on the sad side, Francis is being a goddamn gremlin and James is at his most needy and pathetic. nothing hotter to me personally than sucking someone's limp dick and crying about it. i find myself thinking about this fic an ungodly amount. i love it so much. again, best of the best of the best.

nice dream by icicaille

Francis swirled the last dregs in his glass and peered into its depths. Some kind of grim satisfaction had come over him. “I’ll tell you what you want to hear,” he said. “For a certain price.” It was foolhardy beyond measure. Damning, even.

basically, Fitzjames gives Crozier a blowjob in exchange for Francis telling him some nice reassuring things he needs to hear so badly it makes him look stupid - malicious compliance from Francis of course with some nice internalised homophobia. James is, again, pathetic as all shit with a little twist at the end. no one is having a good time except for me of course.

hunger's vocabulary by icicaille

“Ah, Sir John.” Francis cleared his throat once the wardroom was near to empty. “May I borrow James? Regarding the Lloyd’s balance. We took readings that require further inspection. I’ll send him back in a gig—tonight if the weather holds, in the morning otherwise.”

chef's kiss. just two cunty cunts going at it (the dialogues are so good...) with a sprimkle of some angsty self-loathing Francis. what more could you ask for.

you are coming down with me by dazydaisy

Chapter one: “If I loved you I could perhaps fuck you as if I hated you, in order to please you, but, as you are surely aware by now Fitzjames, you and love are oil and water to me.”

Chapter two: ‘Maybe,’ James had begun to unlace the front of his trousers with a carelessness he had (shamefully) practiced, ‘if you loved yourself even a little you would be able to stop yourself from doing as I command. But, as I’m sure you know by now Francis, you and love are like oil and water. The two simply do not meet.’

*

Mum and dad are fighting again

pretty much what it says on the tin. just two heartbroken bitches fucking and being cruel to each other and im eating that shit up thanks

A Willing Foe and Sea-Room by ClutchHedonist

“Nnh.” Fitzjames whines around his thumb.

“None of that. Clearly, you can’t shut your own bloody mouth to save your life.” Francis huffs, “So I’ll shut it for you.”

pre-canon. Fitzjames - still as a baby lieutenant - and Crozier have a brief but very hot encounter during some Admiralty Party.

Caïssa by cosmogram

“You said you had a question,” Francis snapped, irritable already.

“Yes,” James said, flushed and resplendent still from the company next door—undaunted and loose-limbed in just the way that plucked cloying ire from a raw place in Francis. “How’s your chess game?”

A seduction.

a little bonus to the list, because i love this fic and it recently updated after a very long hiatus (it's still a wip tho but i hope the author manages to finish it, they're one of my favourite writers in this fandom). no hatesex here, it's more of a slow-burn with past Crozier/Ross and really great dialogues, as always. Neptune also makes an appearance.

Bespoke by ktula

James is trying to escape his grief after Sir John's death. Francis, in his own way, is trying to do the same. OR: The one where James Fitzjames has a bit of the genders, and his captain is surprisingly accommodating of that.

ending this rec list on a kinder and softer note, as a treat. this was one of the first fics ive read in this fandom and still one of my favourites. not really hate sex though they're still rather uncertain and wary about the other. very good, very sensual, gender-heavy. beautiful fic really.

BONUS have some excellent fitzjames/le vesconte and fitzjames/franklin - as a treat.

you don't have friends (you have admirers) by JamesFitzjames

James Fitzjames is a man who does not seek help.

each chapter deals with something different, so while the fic is unfinished it's not really some painful cliffhanger (tho i would love to see it completed one day). second chapter is some excellent, excellent Fitzconte. last chapter also has, why, of course, some really delightful ✨fitzier hatesex✨.

Hoo-ray and up she rises by TheGreenMeridian

They’re rip-roaringly drunk and laughing loud enough at each other to wake half the neighbourhood as they stumble into their lodgings.

i only like Fitzconte if it's done in a very specific way and this fic fits my needs just perfectly. just two besties being sillayyyy. what, like you never gave your bro a handjob just for shits and giggles?

Whatever morning brings by isamariposa

Brutus spends his life torn between disquiet, distaste and desperate pining for Caesar, leading to his infamous betrayal. In his own final moments, he raises a plea: “Jupiter Maximus, take pity on me. If by Your grace there is a way to atone for what I did to him, I beg You: let me do so in the afterlife.”

His wish is granted.

yes, yes, this is technically an HBO Rome fic but each chapter deals with a different time period - the third is dedicated to The Terror and can totally be read on its own. it's some truly excellent Sir John/Fitzjames with a sprimkle of some delightful Fitzconte tomfoolery. It's really, really good.

okay one last BONUS

devourer of debts by allmyloyaldead(van1lla_v1lla1n)

Cornelius Hickey receives, and devours, and adapts.

What Hickey receives from the universe and what he takes for himself, the pieces with which he sews himself together into a man, or something like one.

some incredible Hickey insanity. truly brilliant. the gifts Hickey receives from Billy, Irving and Fitzjames, short and sweet (by sweet i obviously mean gruesome and fucked up <3)

[oogalaboogalabich]

Having too much fun with this bloodweave outline.

Part 2: Orb Boy and The Angry talk about their masters and hunt.

(For context: Gale gets spawned by Lord Artor Morlin )

Gale tells the camp what up with him and his orb. But later in private he approaches Astarion and invites him to hunt.

Astarion gets on the defensive. But gale doesnt quite understand.

"Oh sorry. I didnt even consider that youd found time to feed on your own. My mistake.

"Wait. What? How do y- I dont know what you're talking about."'

"You-...can you not tell?"

"Tell what?"

"I suppose the most obvious tells are a bit overshadowed, arent they?" He gestures to the tattoo that covers his neck. A mix of runes and decorative beasts. His left eye simmered with a sickly dark violet and seemed to bleed magic down his cheek towards the brand on his chest.

"What in the hells are you on ab-oh...." he notices the scarring, and pays attention to the less impressive but just as unusual red eye. And finally he realizes he hears no heartbeat from the man. Nor does he breathe. "OH! well thats actually rather amusing isnt it. What are the odds?"

"You dont know the half of it. My master was about to bloody set me free when i was picked up. Rotten luck to be sure."

"Funnily enough I was freeing myself from mine when Iwas lifted. " gale could hear the deep seeded bitterness behind his light tone, and the seething jealousy and disgust. Oh he HATED him. Utterly despised him for having a master whod just go and free their spawn. He could feel that through the tadpole. Artor had often said that as cruel as he was, he was infamous and frankly looked down on for his leniency with his spawn.

"Is that why youve an old blanket with you."

"Its not a 'blanket' its my bur-...its a keepsake from my old life. You will do well to keep your hands off of it."

"So...hunting? I thought i spotted a few paladins heading north not an hour ago."

"Paladins? You...youre going after" thinking creatures. "People."

"Yes. Astarion. Im hungry." He spoke as if it was obvious, (because it was) but he could feel their irritation spike again. The fuck had he said to earn that? "Are you coming or not? I could certainly use the help. I doubt id be able to go after them alone. im sure i could pick off one of the tieflings ...but id honestly rather not. Id feel bloody awful."

"...alright....lead on then."

"Fannntastic. Glad to have you along, my friend."

--

"So...your master...who is he?"

"The bloody baron of waterdeep, artor morlin. Damned fascinating chap, if a bit lacking in basic empathy. Good man in general though, i would think. Not like that Kozakuran twat in baldurs gate."

"Where do you hail from?"

"...." astarion scowled.

"Ah...apologies for insulting your mast-

"Dont call him that. He isnt my master....not anymore. Never again."

"For bringing him up then. Ive heard things....and im sure none of it does him justice."

"Hes a godsdamned mon-."

"Shhshhshh hang on..." gale frowns and holds a hand up, indicating to be silent.

They both crouchedbin the bushes while a curly haired merc and one other male chat while they head back to their camp with game in tow.

Gale noted how nervous astarion is, and wonders just how long it had been since cazador allowed him a proper meal.

"Ill take the larger one down first, you can have him."

"I can hunt my own food!"

"Are you sure? Youre shaking."

"Soon to be remedied, darling."

Nonetheless, gale went after the smaller of the two for himself, not realizing that astarion had frozen in place.

He pulled up from his meal while the bigger one fled like a fucking coward.

"Gah- Astarion! Youre going to lose him." He all but barked, blood flying like spittle from his teeth.

Astarion nearly fumbled, hesitating long enough to get stabbed in the side before his victim passed out.

Gods but he barely felt it though. Groaning as the nectar of gods slid down his throat.

He was nearly finished when gale aproached, pocketing what looked like a tiny body.

"Need any help cleaning up?"

"Hm? "

"I could shrink it down for you. Easier than mauling or burying the body. A spawn as young as you, im guessing youre still squeamish about supping on other people, yes?"

"The hells are you on about? Im well past my second century."

"Well yes, i understand how elves work. Im talking about your time as a sp-"

"Yes i bloody well know what youre talking about. And im saying its been a fucking eternity!!"

"...you...then why are you so..."

He looks over astarions general state of having been stabbed, and wasting so much of the mans blood to the bedrock they stood on under the crumbling bridge. Messy, sloppy, uncoordinated.

"Unpracticed..."

"Well forgive me if my table manners are a bit lacking!" He sneers. "Im rather used to rats and insects. No thinking creatures. Cazador always said....i always wondered if hed made up those rules. Now i know why he did...."

Gale was tempted to dig deeper, but perhaps now was a good time to just let astarion enjoy himself.

"This is your first taste of blood." Real blood at least, he thought.

"Proper blood at least" gale tried not to smile at that.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

NEW HAVEN WARDS THOUGHTS. ok i have. many. primarily though i would love to hear what fucking. tide's pov of insane tidalwave situation is. or just like. nhw tide thoughts in general!!!! him!! he!!! ok ok gotta go put goats 2 bed brb

AHAAAA HAHA I LOVE YOUUUUUU TIDE LAMBERT. i love you tide lambert. i also am extremely delighted by the fact that you and whiskey both sent me asks at the same time indepenently asking me about tide and mark. awesome little bowl of seeds for me in my inbox. under the cut with you

i haaaaave so many emotions about nhw tide the more i think about him.

i am still so MASSIVELY undecided on the whole clone thing but i do feel so strongly about the endbringer thing i brought up one time. i dont remember the way they are in canon but i have a lot of thoughts about tide and his siblings and their "ages" (magma is the oldest, tide is VERY close second (theyre not twins, but theyre probably only a year or less apart so they are The Oldest as a unit to the others. magma still plays the "im older than you" card to tide though). whirlwind and seismic ARE twins and they have such middle child energy. shockwave is the youngest until elle and has a complex about not being the youngest anymore. elle is the beloved baby girl. trust me i have experience in this this is basically the way my dads side of the family is) . anyway im getting distracted. anyway. tide and magma being the oldest and also being given powers specifically to counter leviathan and behemoth. i have emotions about this !!!! (i actually still dont really know whether behemoth is specifically fire coded but he does sleep in volcanoes so let me dream until worm proves me wrong). so like. even if theyre not clones they still get the whole "i was created for a purpose and i feel like i have the weight of the world on my shoulders because of it and its my only purpose and without it im lost and i dont know what to do with myself"

anyway. thinking about. tidalwave first meeting or like. early stages of meeting or whatever. tide is fucking INTIMIDATING. hes REALLY powerful, and also including that thing i put in my one liveblog the other day about Sere- if tide Wasnt A Hero it could be a goddamn disaster because his powers have the potential to be so fucking scary and bad and dangerous. luckily he is also the worlds biggest softie. tide is marginally less emotionally repressed than mark is, so he's more willing to initiate things.

i constantly think about tide in the context of that one post thats like "i hate when people say it costs nothing to be kind. it costs so much. i mean i'll pay it but damn" (im so mad i cant find that rn but. nhw tide thesis statement) hes not naive!!!!!!!! he knows how awful and shitty the world and the whole cape system is. but hes trying so so so hard to do the right thing and help people. that fucking gets on marks nerves so bad. tide is Too Nice and he hates it. "why cant you be more of an asshole so its easier for me to hate you" etc etc etc.

ANYWAY. early tidalwave. tide looks at wavelength and immediately sees a difference between him and some of the other villains hes fought. theres this almost feral desperation to him. outwardly hes cold and calculating and brutal but like. just a little bit beneath the surface he is. like a cornered animal. he doesnt Want to be doing this, but he Has To. and tide can. really sympathize with that and understand that i think. Mark Also Hates This, He Does Not Like To Be Perceived. i imagine theres a lot of back and forth like "i understand" "how could you possibly understand"

they become sort of like unofficial rivals- tide knows how the hero system works and how fucking nasty things could end up for mark if he fights someone who doesnt care about what happens to a villain, so its always tide seeking him out (fight to maim, not kill. sorry that sentence lives in my mind forever now). tide maybe lets him slip away and escape way easier than he should. because he Gets It. he genuinely does want to help mark, not in an "i can fix him" way, but in more of an "i can see youre in a horrible situation and i dont want to kill you just because of that, so im helping in the small way i can without making things worse for you" way. mark knows hes doing this. they never talk about it. they talk more than people who are supposed to be intent on killing each other should talk. neither of them will ever say it out loud but. the human connection outside of their respective Situations is kind of nice. regardless of how fucked up the whole thing is. ill-advised hookups, unmasking, etc etc all of that. but They Dont Talk About It Ever. next day theyre back to trying to kill each other like nothing happened. tide maybe privately mourns this, but still never says anything about it. tide visits mark in the hospital because no one else will. tide tells mark about ashe because no one else will, even if he knows that will basically shatter everything between them (its not tides fault, why would it be, but mark is a very "shoot the messenger, ask questions later" kind of guy)

anyway. i think about them a lot

[appatary8523]

Dumb probably negative no context rambles under the cut

Last chance, don't ruin your mood and go back

OK you wanted it this way

1.- I like STW but I usually have to get up to do things while playing (yea sometimes in FN:BR I hide in bushes to go and do some other stuff. I've barely made any progress, the game is quite complicated to me because I don't play it often and I forget what was going on? And I don't know how to use most of the mechanics of the game(? Still, the humor is funny, the gameplay might feel repetitive from time to time but I like it, I really really like it.

I also would like to have more IRL friends who play STW (or FN in general), I bet that game mode is way funnier and rewarding in squad. But nobody plays it, and I think I have no friends who play FN? Just my older brother and he has his own duo so I'm not getting in between them (?) (and he doesn't like STW so he doesn't even have access to it). There's a dude at my workplace who plays FN but no thanks, I don't like him, he's stupid (he's the it guy who can't fix a damn thing. I hate that guy he's so stupid)

As always, I'm playing solo in this squad mode game called life (?

2.- I know I often say I'm doing it for me but, damn, I wish someone could like it the way I like it too. I'll see if it's worth the effort or if I should just finish the damn thing and save if for myself. I'm not hurt or anything alike, I was 1000% aware this was going to happen, and it's helping me improve. I think I just don't want to deal with that anymore. Sorry, I lose motivation quite often and easily

3.- I try to keep everything happy and positive in my FN blog but... I don't really like Hope. I mean she's cool and all that but I just don't like her e-girl thing going on. The only thing I like about her is the cat on her banner icon whatever the name of that thing is. Neither sunsp0t, actually y don't like a lot of things but I'll just save my awful FN opinions. I should've saved my headcanons too

4.- Surprise surprise (actually is no surprise) I'm losing followers. And I get it, I get you guys, I used to post funny things, funny drawings (or drawings in general) but now I just complain about everything. Sorry, I'm not in a good mood anymore.

I don't think people should keep following/stay suscribed to a channel, account, blog thing they dont like no more. I've seen artists (on Twitter of course) complaining about how people should not follow an account for X specific thing but I don't think that's how things work. Just like the things you like change, the things other like change too. They should NOT feel forced to like the things you like and see the things you want to share. But I guess you have to grow up to realize that. I personally don't feel offended when people stop following me, right now I'm offering nothing but negative text post, and that's OK. Curate the things you consume, make it a more pleasant experience, don't feel forced to follow someone you no longer like.

I personally follow people for a specific thing, and sometimes, like everyone, they change the things they make, but if I like their stuff I usually stick around because it's interesting! I just stop following if they change for worse (the same way I changed for worse). Still, not everyone thinks the same way I do.

5.- I still thinking I should just make another sideblog to dump all this dumb kind of posts but honestly I don't want to deal with it. Making an FN exclusive sideblog was already way too much, but I didn't want to mix all in here

6.- I guess that's what you get for interacting with people half your age.

7.- Shouldn't have joined, should've stayed away

8.- I wish we could talk, someday. I'd like to know you better. I know I don't exist for you but you mean so much for me (yea now I understand my taste for one-sided fictional relationships lol). I know, im stupid, I'm delusional, I'm, as always, daydreaming about things that will never ever happen and I will never have. I can't understand love, I can't wrap my head around the idea of being romantically involved with someone but that's OK, that kind of things are not meant for me

9.- I wish I could control whatevers going on in my mind. I wish it could slow the pace of my thoughts, I need some rest from the world but most important, I need a break from myself but I guess there's nothing I can do about it

10.- Also, Beatles song

11.- I fell asleep after posting this and I OBVIOUSLY had to edit it to add this because i DREAMED someone gave me some support words and it felt so nice and comforting jdjsjs I'm alone

12.- Morningssey song. Yes I like him too so sue me (?

[art-of-mathematics]

im feeling very sad.

i had an appointment with the psychotherapist again - and, well, she considers my case not suitable for a group therapy setting - which is the only setting she can offer currently (and in the close/mid future)

I am very frustrated, because it took me about one year to get to getting an appointment with a psychotherapist... she was llterally the only one who replied to my request. and i contacted many others.

i hate having autism and ptsd in this shickshit world. i simply hate it.

i also hate the fact that trauma therapy is also not involving consideration of autism.

i hate that all these damn problems are so intertwined.

i hate the transsexualism as well.

i hate that for getting top surgery one needs to have a psychotherapist. i simply hate that fact the most!

because i already searched for a year, and now, nah. again the same experience was made.

it is more realistic to get that huge amount of money rather than getting access to the insurance-paid surgery.

although i know that in other countries health unsurances dont pay for surgery - I feel frustrated once again.

I had in sight to finally start to solve one major problem of my life (which is getting mastectomy and hysto), but fuck that! better dont have any desire to getting your suffering reduced.

i could be cynical and imagine just chopping it off myself and arghh.. just dying of either sepsis or bleeding out.

if it wasnt so sad it would be funny.

no, like literally. i cant take thag shit anymore

i have enough of that sickshit

i have enough of having to calm myself down once again and telling me the same depressing platitudes of "it might get more bearable anytime"

i simply dread it.

i have enough of using tumblr as outlet because i can only talk with myself about this sickshit.

but there are no other options.

so to speak, I prefer to spill my drama on your dashboard.

im sorry, but damn.

i cant take it.

i just wish it would be more bearable.

i just wish i knew what i do all this for.

i just wish i had a deadline when this nightmare stops to be my daily reality.

if i knew when it ends, it would be eacier to endure... but this way?

im waiting for such uncertain things to happen.

and the more i work for it the less likely it appear to happen.

perhaps. hold on.

perhaps. might there be other ways i have not thought of before?

- -

i wish i could tell myself it will get better because i made and started to execute a realistic plan B.

But currently plan B is only a difficult "hold on, wait"

i am sick of waiting! what for?

if i still wait for something very uncertain i am still in the same situation as now and as in the last 10 years.

what am i doing with my time?

i waste it on thinking about the same unsolvable shit. that is useless. couldnt i rather do something else? and what could i do?

yeah,... i dunno.

and the cycle repeats itself...

i feel nauseaous.

[crazybutgood]

20 fic writer questions~

I'm procrastinating and feverish and in pain, so I figured I'd distract myself and finally do this,, thanks for the tag lovelies @the-francakes (x) @lumosatnight (x) and @orange-peony (x)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

44 including origami, fics, a mixture of those (all mine and also collabs), and podfics

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Noo this would be a bitch to calculate

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I used to write for the HP fandom

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

You Light Me Up

I Just Want You to Know (collab with @sugareey-makes-stuff)

Language of Love

[FIC & ART] Heart on Your Sleeve

Kuch Meetha Ho Jaaye

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try!! But I often fail. Reasons: Partially sometimes I get overwhelmed and/or am too shy and dk what to say, but mostly it's because I am so so incredibly burned out

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Damn,, idt I have one. I do HEAs! At least in fics, and so far

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All are happy I think,, and omg how does one quantify and compare happiness?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope! Like reading it, actually incapable of writing it

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven't! Idk if I will! There is one published novel one that I want to read tho omg ;-; ok sorry going off track

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I sure hope not :') But to my knowledge no

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yeah with Krissy! Linked in question 4. We didn't even know it was each other haha cos it was an anonymous epistolary exchange but ye it was fun

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Don't ask me that!! There's lots of ships to love, and idh the same ride or die (or any, tbh) feeling for my previously main one anymore. Goes to show that it just changes with time (maybe this current answer will too!)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

SIKE I don't start things I know I won't finish (involves an elaborate planning procedure, ask @getawayfox ) and once I start them I push through it even if I have to drag myself crying (I'm insane I know)

16. What are your writing strengths?

I love writing dialogue, and some people have told me it's nice, so I shall go with that!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Ohh loads I reckon,, I'm going to stick to sharing run on sentences and can't write long plots. Cos I have to do lots of academic writing and copywriting, and that's going pretty steady, so idw to break that and spiral by thinking too much about this :') esp cos idh much time and energy to write fiction rn

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Yes if done right! Like you do things to make sure you don't throw off those who don't know that language and like make it part of the flow. And/Or footnotes! I've done dialogue in Hindi in my fics, and I've written an entire one in a script play format in Hindi too for @curlyy-hair-dont-care

19. First fandom you wrote for?

HP

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Listen :') I have mixed feelings about my writing, so I genuinely can't answer this

Tagging @andithiel @curlyy-hair-dont-care if you wanna do this, and anyone else who hasn't and wants to as well!!