#i am supposed to only be a tool.
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Why does nothing ever hurt enough when you want to hurt.
Why dont i just do it, this is so pathetic
#j’s a bloody mess#im willing to kill myself but not cut because of that goddamn stupid promise.#and i cant even ask if i can take it back/ if theyd be mad at me bc the whole issue rn is that i talk abt myself too much#and idk how to fix it but i hate it#and ik if i bring it up literally any/everyones just gonna give me that same shit of “no you dont” when its obvious#i dont wanna live anymore#i just want pain.#i want it to all go away#they were right.#i am supposed to only be a tool.#i really fucked everything up by wanting to be 'my own person'#im sorry i fucked up can i go back to being worthless but in a way that isnt annoying or noticeable???? please????#please. please. *please* someone tell me how worthless and stupid i am and how the world would be better off without me.#i want to hurt.#why am i so damn useless#it doesnt matter what i want/to be. i am no one.
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ur always chasin that damn Whale🙄‼️
#pachidraws#limbus company#ishmael#ishmael lcb#i pulled out adobe illustrator for this. i have like 3 comps i am supposed to do instead. but its ok bc i like this#fun fact! those fonts aren't imitations I genuinelt identified and found the limbus company fonts#off of memory/random chance#if ur curious said fonts are dimensions and bebas neue#both by Dharma type#Thank you graphic design major. this is the ONLY thing it's ever done for me#pachiposting#im so happy ishmael looks like this. shes so cool i love her. doing all that work on the hat with pen tool was worth it#this is all with a trackpad btw. if u even care (i was possessed i think)#i love ishmael i want her#hope u enjoy
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#beldum#i'm still not really sure what this thing is. maybe i just am not very handy with tools because i imagine this guy is supposed to be some#kind of tool. given. steel-type and their general shape. but i could not fathom which Flavor of tool they're supposed to be#or maybe they're just. a metal rod. y'never know maybe this thing is just a strange object. the pokédex entries do seem to suggest they are#lots of magnets happening here. one eye. that's their only perception of the world beyond like. magnetic forces. and they can just float#i dunno. shoutouts
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thinking about what a kensa squiffer would've been like...
#splatoon#splatoon 3#toni kensa#splatoon oc#minatoast#lizzy does art#hi everyone. i can already hear the comparisons to what game this looks like. LMAO. u can tag it as that if u want.#wanted to do limited color kind of thing. i think i did a little bit of cheating though (tone scrapers + some slight airbrushing)#if it's not already apparent... toni kensa is my favorite brand in splatoon LMAO im just!! obsessed with them#and i think it explains a lot about the visual aesthetics that im drawn to#it was fun to draw like this!!! i think i want to try like actual greyscale and not just b/w + accent only at some point#also when will they give squiffer a second kit!! i would humbly like an inkjet or trizooka as it's special#i think that it'd be really nice for squiffer to be able to poke longer range weapons and whatnot#i like the current kit it's a classic but i'd really like to have better entry tools what am i supposed 2 do with point sensor#ANYWAY!! im having fun with art :) im going to try and experiment with color and shapes!! hpoefully. u all stay swag!
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cbt may not be for me. my therapist is alway like “you should examine why you feel that way” and i’m like????? a.) i just explained exactly why i feel that way and b.) isn’t that what i’m here for??? so you can help me with the examining. like maybe i’m just bad at therapy and missing something but there’s only so many times she can tell me to be mindful before i take a hammer to the walls
#i get that therapists are supposed to offer tools not solutions but it’s been almost two months and the only tools she’s offered#is telling me to ‘stop. observe. breathe’ when i get anxiety#and a chart about how some feeling may actually just be other feelings#i’m like DUUUUHHHHHH#TELL ME SOMETHING I DONT ALREADY KNOW#i think i’ll stick w her bc the exposure therapy component has definitely been helpful so far and that’s what i need the most#but jesus am i getting frustrated#and it may be way more trouble than it’s worth trying to find a new therapist w my insurance who does telehealth and starting all over#personal#vent#i meant cognitive behavioral therapy not cock and ball torture btw
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Enough about kolob, enough about cain/Bigfoot, enough about secret languages and creepy occult shit that sure, might be believed in flds cults down in the south of the state but that aren’t that relevant to wider church culture. The only similar thing that should be talked about is polygamy, and not in a "oh those crazy mormons i bet they all still do it hardehar har" but in a way that reminds everyone that the founders of this religion were horrible men and the whole thing has been sexist from the very beginning,
lets talk about soaking, about repression, about feeling trapped and making what seems like the biggest decision of your life at eight years old, even when you all know its not really your choice. lets talk about how impossible it is to be rude, when rudeness is considered saying no to anyone or not talking to people who make you uncomfortable. lets talk about the racist and colonialist foundations of the church, how no one will say it but technically yes our children are taught that native americans are the descendants of the evil race who killed all of our heroes. lets talk about missions as a tool of colonization and power and how they're not only a way to beat down the young people who go on them to solidify the idea that the world hates them and only the church is safe, but also to assimilate and collect money from people all over the world. lets talk about all the shit that makes this religion a horrible oppressive environment to grow up in, the way that afab people are taught from like three years old that one day they will grow up to be mothers, and everything else that i cant type all of because its really just a whole horrible culture of fear and shame packed into beige carpeted walls and squeaky gym floors.
tldr, the stuff that makes Mormonism bad isnt that different than any other religion, its mostly sexism racism homophobia and transphobia, and of course the terror of polite manners and the implications thereof.
this post is actually supposed to be funny because me and my cousin couldn't stop cracking up about soaking, like, a couple on a dating app looking for a third but its not for a threesome its for soaking, cmon its hysterical. anyway,,,,
#exmo#part of the unique mormon experience is hearing all these ridiculous things and of course its used by the church as a tool#like#“oh they misunderstand us but we are right and in the final day they will all look foolish”#blarge#the mormon churches massive throbbing victim complex#exmormon#apparently soaking isnt supposed to involve movement at all so the people doing the jumping are an unprecedented part of the equation#pov my other cousin came up while we were talking and they thought soaking was like#getting 'fluids' on your clothes then having the other person wear them? thats not it btw but it was funny#anyway my cousin went to a byu camp and got flyers for their virginity club#so if i ever make a joke like#"let me stop you there. virginity is the coolest thing on this planet#and in 20 years when you're sad and depressed and the only thing you have is gonorrhea#ill have saved myself for a strong#loving marriage#pr following that template#i am referencing a business card for the byu virginity club#which logically soaking cant disqualify you from otherwise people would just have real sex right?#idk byu students are strange creatures
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fuck me silly THERES A 2POINT PERSPECTIVE TOOL IN KRITA??????? LIKE AN ACTUAL RULER TOOL THAT CAN MAKE GUIDELINES FOR 2 POINY PERSPECTIVES???? I COULDVE SAVED ALL THOSE TEARS IF I JUST USED THIS TOOL?? ALL THAT TIME SAVED??? BY THE NINE-
#whyyyyy am i only knowing this rn???#ive been using krita 5 for monyhs now and only today i saw the icon and was like “ooo rectangle”#i fucking screamed in pure joy when the guidelines appeared on the canvas my mom and brother were genuinely concerned#why didnt i know aboutt this earlier T-T#krita#krita 5#the name of the tool is assistant tool and its very misleading... HOW TF WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT IT assisted IN PERSPECTIVE??
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was starting to rant abt d.i.d. but actually who cares like
#it was abt how it sucks ass#cos i can't even have it as a tool to commit to a bit#anyway it just sucks ass for me and i hate living#like next guy controlling that thing please!!! im done!!!!!! please!!!!!!!! ive taken over for way too long i need a break!!!!#how lovely would that be to actually have any control on this#i know i have to work on this but i only have 40min/month of free therapy and i have so many shit to say help#and i got back to non verbal mode last time she thought i simply had nothing to say#it was exactly the contrary too many shit to say at the same time + body not responding wtf am i supposed to do
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Imagine doing so much hard work and persevering through law school to have your failed tests advertised on the internet news. The bar is really hard; he’s not “cringe fail.” I am jealous of his ability to even attend college without committing suicide. He did a good job. Leave my dude the fuck alone.
I don’t care if they’re elites. If they’re elites; then make fun of them solely for being rich nepotism babies. There are non-elites who have failed the bar (or any important test) once or twice as well who will see this and feel bad about themselves.
#My uncle failed the bar I think three times before he passed and he’s a smart dude. It is extremely difficult#I respect anyone — even if they are an elite — who is capable and willing to put in that much mental work on anything#No one deserves to be ridiculed for moving past failure and trying again#That is a strength.#Or do we as a society only care about the “naturally smart” and “gifted?”#I’ve failed tests and retaken them before and so have you; should the internet ridicule us?#The SPED kids I work with very often don’t understand things the first the time around; should we ridicule them as well?#At what point do we stop judging people for their mistakes?#Also if the roles were reversed and the former princess took the bar three times; would you still say she were “cringe fail?”#or would you be too afraid of sounding “anti-feminist?”#Why? Is it because men are “supposed” to be smarter than women#and tasks that are “expected” from them would make a woman a “girlboss” for completing them?#or perhaps is it because we just don’t like men and think them creatures of lesser intellect worthy of our jeering and pet names?#Because I for one am androgynous and sick of the double standards. They help nobody#Don’t expect more from men than you do from women; don’t expect less from women than you do from men#That includes how one gender group speaks of and behaves around the other#It is the reason why a man feels he cannot physically fight a woman who is attacking him#because if he successfully defends himself he looks like an asshole; and if he fails he looks like a wimp#It is the reason women vastly underestimate and devalue their physical strength and resourcefulness as a tool#because men are the strong resourceful ones because it’s “in their biology”#Even though I am androgynous and would possibly love to be on testosterone#I don’t need testosterone or a man’s body to pull off great feats of strength and cunning and neither do you#Ladies! Build some determination: “I CAN do it and it WILL work because I fucking say so.”#Get angry. Mess your hair up. Break a nail. You are a durable physical beast put on this earth for more than looking pretty#You are meant to break a sweat. You are meant to do things that aren’t “ladylike” because women are STRONG. Physically#Men you are not less manly for enjoying housework; and ladies you are not less feminine for enjoying outdoor labor#Crush gender norms. Vive la résistance!
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majstori ne pomažu nego odmažu
#the truer words were never said#those hoes act like they are doctors and charge crazy prices#do the work half right mess up half of the shit#make it even worse#i swear to fucking god i will learn to do things myself#and then they gaslight you#that it is the best they could have done#when you know how it is supposed to be done#you just do not own the tools#i am just beyond pissed they did a shit work and always lie about what they will do only to back track#the only ones that did not screw us over were the friends of my uncle#for fucks sake nobody knows trade anymore but they like to pretend to earn money
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I saw a post about some app which most likely uses ai to turn classics/harder to read literature into plain language and I just wanna say no fear Shakespeare was the OG and saved my life in English class because I DO want to do the reading and participate but it's just not possible if they speak in a way I genuinely don't understand
#I only ever had one teacher go through a reading in class to breakdown what each line says and the double meanings and everything#and they are interesting reads when you understand it#but otherwise how am I supposed to learn anything without that kind of guidance#anyways I think it's a good idea#some might argue that it might miss the double meanings and other nuances but that's probably also something your teacher should do#no fear Shakespeare did the side by side style and is probably how a tool like that is best used#I just looked it up and I'm not sure it's free anymore 😭#and not side by side on mobile#😢
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📍🚨please don't skip that 🚨📍📢
✅️Vetted by @gazavetters, my number verified on the list is ( #275 )✅️
Hello dear friends and potential saviors. My name is Ahmed Totah, I am 21 years old, my father is 67, my mother is 55, and my sister is 19 and my brothers Mahmoud 26 and Abdallah 24 and My grandfather is crippled and can't do anythingWho is 91 years old . We now live in the northern Gaza Strip.
Since the beginning of October 7, 2023, and now we are more than 12 months into the war, my family and I have lived a life of relentless violence and suffering after being displaced from our home, more than 10 to 11 times. We have been displaced to schools and relatives, and we are currently living without shelter, and we suffer from food shortages that have forced us to eat animal and bird food due to high prices. Winter has come and we have no blankets or shoes to warm my family. I want you to help me provide for my family's needs and protect them from the bitter cold in winter, and the harsh mud that floods our lives under the rain.
And our suffering in transporting water for drinking, and when it is provided, it is not pure. Diseases, especially rashes, epidemics and pollution, are spreading, while we struggle to survive without proper food, water or medicine. There is no place for anyone, especially children, but
And when it is provided, flour is hardly available through aid (trucks - bershtat) and one day my foot was run over by a truck because of an attack by people and this is because of the lack of flour.
This is all we have. Before the war destroyed our lives, I had just moved to my home in northern Gaza. It was supposed to be a moment of joy, but our happiness was short-lived. On October 7, everything changed. The day started like any other, but soon the sky darkened with smoke, the ground trembled beneath our feet, and the air was filled with the sounds of terrifying explosions. The bombing was continuous, and my family gathered together, praying that we would survive. When the dust settled, nothing was the same. The bombs continued to fall. Every day, my family and I in Gaza wake up to a living nightmare, in a race against time as the war strips us of any sense of peace and normalcy.
My father and mother kept the key to their house in the hope that they would return to it. My father was shocked by the news of the bombing and explosion of our house that held our memories. Here, our dreams of home were displaced and everything was destroyed.
Our lives are in constant danger, and we are desperate to find a way out - a chance to protect my family and rebuild our future safely. But we cannot do it alone. We need your help to escape this nightmare and start over abroad. My profession before and after the war Before the war, I was proud of my work, I studied Hakim at Al-Aqsa University and built a future for myself and my family. I had a thriving career and a home that I worked hard to establish. But everything disappeared during the war. After the war now, everything has disappeared. My work, my tools, and everything I worked for turned into rubble. The war took everything from us, and now my family lives in a tent, and we struggle to survive. We live in fear, trapped in war, everything we had disappeared one day. Our home is destroyed, our community is in ruins, and the constant sounds of explosions remind us that there is no safe place.
My family and I are trapped in Gaza, living in fear and panic as the bombs fall closer and closer. Every night, the walls shake, and we wonder if we can make it until morning. We have lost everything, and we know that our only chance of survival is to escape this war-torn land. But we can’t do it without your help. Please help my family, my friend. The money raised will go directly to cover the costs of my evacuation and that of my family. This includes:
1. Travel expenses – fare, documents, transportation for me and my family.
2. Temporary shelter – a safe place where we can rest, recover, and begin to rebuild.
3. Basic necessities – food, clothing, and medical care upon arrival.
4. Support to rebuild our lives – access to education, healthcare, and job opportunities in a new country.
My family is made up of 7 people, and we know that we will need $10,000 per person to cover these critical expenses. Why your help matters Can your support make the difference between life and death for my family? Every donation brings us one step closer to leaving the devastation and fear behind, and starting over in a place where we can finally find peace. We cannot do this alone, but through your kindness, we can give our family a chance to live – a chance to rebuild, to dream, and to live without fear. From the bottom of our hearts, we thank you for being a part of our journey toward safety and hope. Please help my family escape death and the danger of life. Please help my family.
That's why I'm begging you to share my story and post the link to help my family survive.
#Free Palestine #Free Gaza #All eyes on Palestine #All eyes on Gaza #The war in Gaza @asexual-levia-tan @timetravellingkitty @deathlonging @briarhips @mazzikah @mahoushojoe @sar-soor @rhubarbspring @pcktknife @transmutationdice @sawasawako @appsa @anneemay @commissions4aid-international @wellwaterhysteria @mangocheesecakes @kyra45-helping-others @turtletoria @tortiefrancis @ot3 @amygdalae @ankle-beez @communistchameleon @dykesbat @komsomolka @notallmensheviks @riding-with-the-wild-hunt @heritageposts @stuckinapril @lacecap @determinate-negation @deepspaceboytoy @paper-mario-wiki @kibumkim @neechees @chilewithcarnage @ghelgheli @sayruq @rooh-afza @shesnake @emil @stuckinapril @side-sidecast @brokenbackmountain @paper-mario-wiki @turian @buttercuparry @littlegermanboy @imjustheretotrytohelp @90-ghost @heritageposts @gazavetters @neechees @butchniqabi @fluoresensitive @khanger @autisticmudkip @beserkerjewel @furiousfinnstan @xinakwans @batekush @appsa @nerdyqueerr @butchsunsetshimmer @biconicfinn @stopmotionguy @willgrahamscock @strangeauthor @bryoria @shesnake @legallybrunettedotcom @lautakwah @sovietunion @evillesbianvillain @antibioware @akajustmerry @dizzymoods @ree-duh @neptunerings @explosionshark @dlxxv-vetted-donations @vague-humanoid @buttercuparry @sayruq @malcriada @sar-soor @northgazaupdates2 @feluka @dirhwangdaseul @jdon @ibtisams @sawasawako @memingursa @schoolhater @toesuckingoctober @waskuyecaozu @a-shade-of-blue @c-u-c-koo-4-40k
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i got my mother to take me to a gynaecologist for the absolute agony that has been period pain and i kept trying to talk about the period pain but this doctor would not stop bringing up my pcod, and not even to discuss the pain, all she seemed to care about was a regular flow and my weight. i get that that is important but can you listen to me and not make the entire reason for this visit just a footnote instead? it gets difficult for me to have faith in healthcare workers everytime i interact with them, especially in the case of reproductive health and mental health. done.
#i also had to go tk a different radiology clininc because she only had the tools for the a transvaginal ultrasound#and i couldnt get that since i am unmarried#unmarried in double quotes because that is code for virgin and basically i cant have anything inserted into my vagina before marriage#this was sadly expected of my mother but the implications and the mindset was more than just disappointing coming from a fucking doctor#like come on what the hell who am i supposed ti expect some sensibility from then#makes my blood boil#i know i have said this before and i will say it again#i cannot wait for the day i can have control overy own medical care and doctors#vidhik.txt
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just alhaitham realizing he wants a baby with you... cw: pregnancy, children
alhaitham is in the middle of reading, spending his lunch hour tucked away in a quiet corner puspa cafe when he feels a poke at his arm.
he slides his headphones off, looking over to see a child standing next to him, clutching something to her chest.
“excuse me– mister scribe sir?”
the scribe sighs, tucking his book away. “just alhaitham is fine.”
the child blushes furiously. “oh, um, mister alhaitham sir, my teacher says that your job is reading. could you read this for me please?”
that was an incredibly juvenile description of his job, but he doesn't correct her. the girl slides what alhaitham recognizes as the children’s book that tighnari had written (and collei had illustrated) to teach the basics of forest safety. the storytelling was mediocre and the illustrations were average, but he supposed they were sufficient enough for children who had no higher education.
alhaitham glances at the clock. he still has a half hour left of his break, and he was nothing if not an advocate for educating young minds.
—
“the lesson is to always be prepared when traveling through the rainforest,” alhaitham explains, closing the book. “there’s always a high probability that you’ll run into fungi, especially if you're on foot like little cyno was. you’d do well to add a variety of antitoxins to your first aid kit.”
the girl considers this, brows pulled into a furrow as she sips at the sunsettia juice he’d ordered for her.
“why didn’t little cyno just go around the fungi when he saw them? then he wouldn't have gotten the sports.”
“the spores,” alhaitham corrects. “but your point stands. common sense is perhaps the most effective survival tool.”
children, with their inquisitive and imaginative minds, were adequate problem solvers. they didn't overthink things, instead utilizing a simple, pragmatic way of thinking.
he wouldn't mind raising a little scholar of his own with you.
he’d thought a normal amount about having a child before. typical musings, like when he would have one (after school, after securing a decent job). or what their names would be (esfir for a boy, laila for a girl). who would bear his children (the only person he’d ever considered was you).
but these aren’t idle musings anymore. this time, the idea hits him full force, quickly spiraling into a hope. a dream for the future.
a boy with his eyes and your smile. a girl with your hair colour and his nose. how you’d raise them together, how they’d grow to be intelligent, inquisitive, creative, and endlessly compassionate.
“sweetheart, there you are!” a relieved voice exclaims.
the girl sitting across from him perks up as her mother runs up to the table, her smile widening. “mama! mister alhaitham read me a book!”
“i'm so sorry she interrupted your lunch, sir,” the frantic mother looks sheepish as she apologizes, but alhaitham dismisses it with a wave of his hand.
“it’s alright. if anything, this experience has been rather enlightening.”
_____
“that's quite the stack,” you comment mildly when your husband enters the bedroom with an armful of textbooks. “which new topic have you been intrigued with this week?”
alhaitham sets the books down on the nightstand and answers, “conception.”
his answer is spoken simply, casually, like he’s talking about the weather and not one of the most life-altering decisions you could make as a couple.
“conception,” you repeat slowly. “like…”
“you’re a doctor. you’re aware of the biological process behind it.”
“of course i am,” you say, suddenly feeling flustered. “i just– we’ve never talked about this before, haitham.”
your husband sighs, walking around to your side of the bed and sitting by your legs. “well…i want to talk about it.”
seconds pass. seconds that almost feel like a lifetime as you watch each other, looking for any unspoken signs of hesitation.
“it’s up to you,” he finally says, gently placing a hand on your ankle. “it’s your body, you’re the one who would be carrying our baby for nine months. if you’re not ready–”
you don't need to hear the rest, crawling over to cup his face in your hands and press a soft kiss to his lips. “i'm ready. we’re ready.”
his eyes immediately brighten, and he momentarily leaves your grasp to reach across the bed to grab the topmost book from his stack. “there are certain positions that we can try to increase our chances of conceiving. according to studies conducted in fontaine, this one has an effectiveness of 89.5%. it’s called a mating press…”
you wish you could say it’s the first time he’s propositioned you with educational literature.
“wait, you didn’t ask me,” you giggle, threading your fingers through his hair and tugging lightly.
he pauses. “will you try this position with me?”
“no, smartass. ask me to have a baby with you.”
your husband grins, hooking his hands under your ass to pull you into his lap. you gasp as he does so, his head dipping down to the crook of your neck. he says your name, lips brushing the shell of your ear.
“will you let me put a baby in you, dearest?”
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I need amazon to understand that if you just show me random items when I've run a search, cause you'd rather sell me something different I will not be buying anything. I will just leave your website.
Don't test me I'm ready to rage quit at any time. I don't want to be here. The only thing you had going for you was convenience. If you can't give me that I will just go without whatever heavy/unavailable in any shop on the bus route item until I can ask someone to go to the shop for me.
#it just annoys me because they've completely cornered the market and then deliberately made their product worse???#i can't find most of these things in non amazon shops online now#if i do they are crazy expensive cause the demand isn't there#and then amazon are like 'hey you know this thing we made ourselves the only provider of? what if we made buying that really difficult?)#i hate them#i hate them so much#there are no pratical shops anywhere near where i live anymore. it's just expensive shit for tourists#where am i supposed to buy tools??? or art supplies? or tech? I'm gonna scream
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You’re a Stark now.
Cregan Stark x reader
Summary: Cregan and the reader take a trip to the market to spend time away from the Winterfell walls. One vendor gets too aggressive.
Warnings: extra protective Cregan, anger, talk of harsh punishments
Masterlist
…………………………………….
Cregan had woken his still newly-wedded wife to the question of if she would accompany him out of the Winterfell walls.
Any time with him was welcomed by her. He was very busy as the Warden that any moment was precious.
She quickly rose and began to get ready, biting her lip when she still couldn’t retrieve her Stark pin for her cloak. Now three days without, and she’d have to tell him.
But that’s a problem for later.
…
“This is lovely,” Lady Stark commented to the merchant as she neared the small table.
Cregan had disappeared to the blacksmith, trusting her under her guards gaze until he returned.
Her finger grazed over the top of one of the handmade arrows before the merchant’s voice chipped up, “careful.”
She jumped a bit, created the smallest of nicks on her finger, but it still oozed blood just the same.
The man huffed, “Can’t ya read the damn sign?”
She looked up with wide eyes to the sign that laid on one of the tables. Her eyes scanned it, but it made no sense to her. Now was not the time to admit to her people that she couldn’t read the common tongue. Her cheeks flushed red, “my sincerest apologies. I meant no harm.”
“Whatever, girl.” He huffed lightly.
She turned back to look at her guard, Ser Martin. He always stayed far enough for her to enjoy herself, but not too far as to not intervene when needed. But he hardly moved when words were said. Only when actions took place. She liked that about him.
She frowned slightly and moved to the merchant’s next table. Atop it laid a tool she had never seen before. A small mallet of some sort and a rather large spike. Multiples of them laid out for sale, and she couldn’t think of a reason to need such a thing. Fearing another scoff, she asked, “What are these exactly?”
The man felt the need to roll his eyes and he laughed mockingly, “What are these?! You can’t be serious!”
Her cheeks couldn’t be more red, “I… I am not Northern. I do not… I do not know much of it, I am afraid.”
The man sneered, “You stupid girl. I wager you’ll freeze your little arse off before winter even comes.”
She felt her eyes water but she held it back. She couldn’t stay there any longer.
She distracted herself at the booth a few down, where a young woman sold seeds and dried petals of various flowers. She chatted with the woman for a while, even making a friend of her.
She helped the Lady of Winterfell pick petals to scent her chambers with and seeds to grow said flowers in the window of her chambers, swearing that they lived through the cold.
She thanked the woman kindly before turning around, directly into a broad chest.
When she felt a familiar hand around her waist and chuckle, she relaxed into Cregan.
He bent down to her ear with a low voice, “have you enjoyed yourself?”
She looked to him and nodded lightly, “I… I have.”
He smirked just barely, “Ser Martin tells me you have made many friends.”
“I suppose I have,” she answers truthfully.
“I have finished my business at the smith. Are you ready to journey back, or is there still things you must see?” His hand began to trace up and down her back through the cloak.
“I am at your whim, Cregan.”
His other hand came up to her chin, “Let us lazily return then. I’m afraid I have not had the chance to make friends as you have.”
She nodded and pulled away, “I’d like that.”
The two journeyed back ever so slowly with interlinked arms, pointing to each table with their favorite oddities on it, even stopping at a few now that Cregan had become interested.
Cregan seemed entirely fixed chatting with a vendor about maces when her eyes wandered a bit up the road.
She pulled on his sleeve with a soft voice, “Cregan.”
He immediately gave his attention to her and bent down to her and spoke softly, “yes, my love?”
She furrowed her brows, “I was curious about something I saw earlier. Can… can you tell me what it is?”
His brows furrowed in turn, “I suppose I can. Where did you see it?”
She pointed up the road to a few tables down.
He nodded and looked back to her, “Go ahead and I’ll meet you there. Let me finish here, sweet girl.”
She let go of his sleeve and bowed her head lightly to the vendor in an apology of the interruption.
She quickly made her way up the road to the same vendor that had been so rude to her earlier, but she hoped Cregan’s eventual presence would help ease the tension. She wanted so desperately to understand the tool she had seen.
But the man’s eyes were already set on her.
He immediately moved out into the street to meet her halfway, “Go on, girl. Take your pretty fur coat and go on! I’ve no business for you here.”
She paused in confusion. She really hadn’t thought she’d angered him that awfully. “I-“
“-ya what?” He stepped closer to her and reached out to touch her shoulder. “I won’t have no silly girl that-“
“-Touching my bride like that is an act of war, Bolton.” She didn’t need to see Cregan to know exactly what was happening. He was behind her with a tightly clenched jaw and a hand on the sword still held in its sheath.
The man immediately stopped all words from his mouth and seemed to be in a daze.
Cregan gave a vicious smile, “I would suggest you remove your hand from her before I remove it entirely from your body.”
The words registered and the man moved away as if he’d been burned, “My deepest apologies, my lord. I… I didn’t know…. She had no sigil on her cloak.”
She didn’t have the heart to turn to Cregan and see his reaction to her loss of pin.
Cregan’s hand wrapped around her from behind and pushed her backwards as he stepped around her. He now stood in front of her protectively. “And here I believed you wanted Stark patronage.” He scoffed, “If that is not the case, say so, rather than turning your Lady of Winterfell away in the streets.”
Only then did she looked around and take in the fact that everyone in the street was staring.
But Cregan couldn’t have cared less.
The man held his hands out, “Lord Stark, I am honored to have your patronage. I… I simply did not know. She…” he pointed to the woman tucked away safely behind Cregan, “She was being reckless-“
“-Reckless? How so?”
The man paled but knew he had to continue what he’d started. “She disobeyed the signs and… and then did not know what an ice pick was-“
“I don’t care if your Lady of Winterfell asks for your left eye, I expect you to take it from your socket gladly!” Cregan’s voice raised angrily, “and you’ve made her feel like a fool in her own lands!” His gripped on his sword tightened in deep thought, “Perhaps I should take your hand as payment.”
Her hand shoots out to Cregan’s back, a silent plea to not take things too far. He reacts to it almost immediately, relaxing himself with a deep sigh.
The man becomes hysterical, “Please! Please, my lord! I will do anything!”
“Cregan-“ her voice finally broke out.
He growled under his breath in thought before finally speaking again, “Apologize.”
The man looked up, “m…my lord?”
Cregan grunted, “Apologize.”
Bolton nodded, “I am most sincere in my apologies, my lord. I was wrong. So painfully wrong-“
“Beg for it.” Cregan growled.
The vendor paused for a moment before he dropped to his knees shamefully, “I will do anything. I am sorry-“
“And not to me.” Cregan grunted again. His arm moved behind her to pull his bride from behind him to now directly in front of him. He pulled her tightly to him, her back against his firm chest. He bent his head down to the side of her head, his voice low and dangerous, “to her.”
She was at a complete loss for words. She knew Cregan was gruff and demanding, honorable and proud, but she had never seen him so angered. He looked like a wolf ready to devour anything that stepped too close.
And all for her.
The man pleaded and whined and begged for her forgiveness immediately and she nodded. Cregan gave a light “tsk” in her ear before speaking softly to her, “make him work for it.”
She turned her head to him in confusion.
He spoke again, “you’re accepting because you feel empathetic. What do you want him to do for you to truly earn your forgiveness?” When she doesn’t answer he chips in, “It’s hard to earn, and rightfully so. Especially from a sweet girl like you.”
“I don’t want anything,” she finally says.
Cregan’s smirk returns, “that’s why you’re mine.”
He straights up to address the man, “Your lady has forgiven you, and so has Winterfell now.” He looks to the crowd and back to the man with a light sneer, “and Bolton? Thank the gods tonight that she is so forgiving.”
He immediately pulls her along with him, not bothering to stop at anything else after the scene they had caused.
His anger was still too great to be out in society and he needed something to take it out on.
The horse ride back was tense and awkward. She knew he wasn’t angry with her, but she wasn’t sure what to say or how to fix it, and so she didn’t.
The two even separated once inside Winterfell. She went to their chambers and Cregan went immediately to the training yard.
She watched from the balcony for a while. He beat away at a dummy with a wooden sword, clearly in an unapproachable state.
…
Supper was equally quiet. The two stared at each other from across the table.
Finally, Cregan spoke, “How are you so easily pleased?”
She tilted her head, “I’m sorry?”
“Earlier. You forgave him so easily.”
“Well, he was sorry.”
“Not enough,” Cregan continued. “I would have made him do far worse”
“It was not worth-“
“-Do not tell me what it was worth, love!” He slammed his fist down. “If he had embarrassed me, I would have taken his tongue. But he didn’t. He did it to you.” His voice turned to iron, “I should have made him worship the ground you stand on.”
“Cregan, I hold no grudge over it.”
“There it is again,” he almost laughed in frustration. “You are too kind, my love.”
“The only frustration I hold over it now is towards you.”
His brows raise, “Me?”
She sat her glass down on the table, “You are the only one still in flames about it. I wanted to enjoy a day out of Winterfell with you.”
He took that like a hit. He clenched his jaw and sighed, calming himself. “You’re right. I’ve been too hard on you. On everyone. Let me try again today?”
She knew she could never hold a grudge against him, “of course.”
He smiled at her, “Thank you.”
The silence grew into a comfortable one now and she was the one to break it. “I have a confession.”
He looked up to her as he ate, “oh?”
“It is rather embarrassing and I do not wish for you to be upset with me.”
“I am never upset with you,” he quickly countered. “Out with it.”
She sat straighter in her chair, “I lost the sigil you gave me. The one for my cloak.”
Silence grew.
She tried to reason, “I’ve misplaced it. I promise I shall find it again. I shouldn’t have set it down and I am most sorry-“
She stopped when she heard his light chuckles from across the table. “What? Why do you mock me?”
He quickly held a hand out and collected himself, “I do not mock you, sweet girl. I’m simply surprised it took you so long to tell me.”
She stuttered, “I didn’t… I wasn’t…”
Cregan looked up to one of the servants, “Bring the new one for me, will you?”
The Lady of Winterfell simply stared in embarrassed confusion.
So, Cregan began to explain, “When I wedded you, beautiful, I did not have time to have a pin of your own crafted for your cloak, so I gave you one of mine temporarily.”
She nodded, trying to see where he was going with the story.
“That is why I was at the black smith today. They’ve created all my best ones and I only thought it fair that you deserve the best. I took the one you had been wearing to them to be replicated. They managed to finish it today and I retrieved it.”
“That is why we were out today?” She asked.
He smiled, “entirely. That and I suppose…” he tilted his head back and forth, “when the North manages to see the sun, I like to see you in it.”
She grew a smile.
The servant returned with a cloth in hand, setting it on the table next to Y/n.
The woman took it and unwrapped it, revealing the finely decorated pin for her cloak.
Her eyes widened and she smiled, “Cregan, this is quite beautiful, but I loved yours all the same.”
He chuckled, “I know that, pretty, but you deserve your own. You are a Stark now.”
Her eyes met his dark ones, “that I am.”
………………………………….
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