#sorry for venting so much lately. it might have to do with the fact i havent taken my anxiety meds in a while but im not sure

[teknikolor-walters]

Things it feels like college is required for:

- job that isn't grocery store employee

- not wanting to kill yourself 24/7

- parent's respect and pride

- not being consumed by loneliness

[nightwngz]

Oh my beloved, here's a little idea for you!

'Am I the asshole for dating my best friend's ex?' Where Barry absolutely couldn't let slip the opportunity to have Hal's pretty ex for himself, well, she doesn't belong to him anymore right?

Like, he sees that she's so sad because of the breakup and he's just so nice, gentle, kind with her, why not give him a chance? Barry knows that it must sucks to not have someone to kiss :(((

— 𝓔𝐱 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 ✩!!

barry allen x fem!reader

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀… Smut. Dirty talk. Fingering, p in v.

𝗰𝗼𝗽𝘆𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁. . . no copying of my work is allowed. Free translation is allowed as long as I am credited.

𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗴𝘂𝗮𝗴𝗲. . . as I said in my other posts, English is not my first language. I have tried to make corrections with the translator, but as you all know, it is prone to making mistakes, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes or if anything sounds weird.

𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲. . . Omg, omg! You practically read my mind because Barry is practically my current obsession. By the way, sorry for the delay, dear, I didn't quite know how to write it. 💗

Barry and Hal have always been best friends. They got along so well that even when you were dating Hal, it never occurred to you that Barry might betray his trust, not even if you suggested it yourself.

And after spending so much time going out with your friend and sharing dinners, lunches, and breakfasts, with a bit of a hangover in between, you started to think that Barry could also become a good friend for you.

Even after you broke up with Hal, Barry continued to stand by your side, supporting and indulging you.

Though you never suspected him of double-dealing, Barry remained neutral about your breakup. It's not that he didn't care about Hal; in fact, he had more than once questioned whether he was doing the wrong thing by approaching you, even after you and Hal had ended things.

But yes, he was a complete asshole for approaching you in the first place, and he was even more of an idiot for falling in love with his friend's girlfriend in the first place.

He had fantasized about Hal's girlfriend countless times, and many of those times he had to restrain the desire to touch himself by thinking of you, so as not to betray him.

But it wasn't until he saw you crying on the floor of your apartment with a bottle of alcohol in your hand that he realized you were no longer his best friend's girlfriend. The relationship had ended, and although you were still dealing with the aftermath of the breakup, there was nothing that alcohol and other distractions couldn't alleviate.

"Hal is my friend, but sometimes he can be a real jerk. Don't worry, if you need to vent, go ahead," he suggested, trying to be friendly.

However, when you took his lips without permission as a means of release, Barry neither objected nor resisted. He thought that given your situation, it must be terrible not to have anyone to kiss.

Sad thoughts about Hal vanished the moment Barry's tongue entered your mouth. Maybe it was just what you needed to forget, since not even he, as your ex's best friend, seemed to care what Hal might think, and even less so did you.

Barry had inevitably thought of Hal. He couldn’t help but remember his friend while his ex-girlfriend’s tongue slid into his mouth and he felt her hips moving until she was straddling his belt. However, he didn’t stop; in fact, the thought that she no longer belonged to him crossed his mind, which only drove him to continue.

It was too late to regret when he felt your hands sliding down his hips, pulling at his clothes. He couldn't resist pushing you onto your back, landing on top of you and pinning your body against the couch.

He kissed you desperately as if you were his last meal, holding you tight with his hands and his tongue on your mouth, exploring every inch of your skin that was still hidden under the fabric he hastily removed.

Even as he slid his fingers aside your underwear, without removing it completely, to enjoy caressing your wet crotch, he smiled. He knew he had what he so desperately wanted, like a whimsical child with his new toy.

"Did Hal miss out on all this? Too bad for him that now I have to take care of this tight pussy." He whispered in your ear with a grin, licking his fingers gently so you could hear the obscene sound close up.

And finally, when he got inside you so deeply that tears welled up in your eyes at the intrusion, you felt completely convinced that you had done the right thing by breaking up with Hal, something that Barry also agreed with. You smiled at the thought that he had taken advantage of the situation and looked at him, convinced that he had orchestrated the whole thing for his own benefit.

"Don't look at me like that, honey. It's not my fault that Hal missed how deliciously tight your pussy feels. . ."

[monnn]

Am I the greatest bastard that you know?

staring: idol! jeonghan x non-idol!, gn! s/o

wc: 1.3k-ish

genre: ANGST. big angry feelings of reader, kinda fluff towards the end?

a/n: hi, ur fav angst lover is back! things have not been great lately and this fic might just be a vent of mine. big feelings and anger is very valid but so is taking a break. hope you realise that and take a break from life to just exist! to whoever's reading this, i love u, let things take time, take time for yourself, stay hydrated and BE ANGRY!!!

divider by @saradika-graphics !!!

song rec for this fic is The Greatest Bastard by Damien Rice!

knowing how stressful going on a hiatus can be, you successfully lure jeonghan into a staycation, away from the city. though han had to be present for rehab, you had checked with the doctor and he was okay with han being away for a weekend. doing nothing was the plan since jeonghan was actively burning out from working hard to the extent that he's injured, so he was looking forward to spend time with his loved one for a while. what neither of you knew was the fight that would gonna pop up at reaching the room. hannie had drove all the way to the hotel since you didn't have a license and all you had done after reaching there was ask what he wanted to eat since y'all had skipped the rest stops.

~ 30 mins before

"hey love, what do you feel like eating? i could order it for us" you ask a very eepy han.

"just anything, i'm okay with anything" he replies and you can sense the exhaustion in his voice. to make sure you don't get him more grumpy, you ask again to confirm if he's sure about his decision.

"jesus y/n! can you cut me some slack? just stop fucking bothering me and order whatever the fuck you want!" he yells, shaking you to the core.

here's the thing - there necessarily hasn't been any major disagreements or "fights" in your relationship, so the intensity of his feelings get to you. but he should've known better than to snap because your rage knows no bounds and hannie does know about this.

"well, fuck you with that behaviour of yours, i'm not gonna be ordering any food!"

"good! because i don't fucking need it anymore either!" he screams, walking away from the room. you had put great effort in picking a room which is right by a stream, surrounded by mountains and a temple on one of the mountains.

trying not to mind the rage and disappointment with han, you chug a glass of water before doing anything. but you weren't gonna let han off the hook because he was having a hard time. the value you hold for yourself is much more important and you've tried so hard to just have that value in your life for so long, hence you are not going to let the love of your life doubt on it. finishing another glass of water, you leave the room in search of hannie with some snacks and a drink.

you are yet find han with the passing time. he wasn't by the stream, hadn't left the premises according to the owner and definitely hadn't hiked up a mountain(cause bro was literally eepy). but the one place you hadn't scraped was the temple, so you hydrate and go on to check if he's there.

in fact, he is there. his silhouette seems regretful. melancholic even. hunched over and zoning out by overthinking. you stomp your way towards the temple, letting him know of your arrival as he fixes his posture and keeps his gaze down. leaving your shoes behind, you enter the temple and kneel infront of han to provide well-needed snacks and water. he whispers a small 'thank you' and you move aside to sit away from him. not that you wanted to, rather wanting to just talk without any physical contact. you see him chug the water and eat his snacks, making a part of you feel relieved. after finishing his nibbles, han thinks he's ready to talk cause he knows it's better to do this right now than to dwell and let it become bigger.

"y/n, i'm sorry. i am not gonna reason myself for my actions towards you but i do wanna let you know i'm really tired. probably beyond exhaustion. i love you but that was really wrong of me to behave that way when you were just trying to make me feel better." he begins.

"okay, i accept your apology. but i'm not sorry because i haven't done anything wrong. and i'm gonna have to get this off my chest cause if i don't say it now, it's just gonna grow and rot in me." you say, stretching out your hand for him to hold. hannie slips his palm in yours and there's a little squeeze from both of you before letting go.

"okay, i'm gonna listen what you have to say and i'm sure i'll have things to say after, but i'm gonna listen to you first." he says, reassuring you.

"thank you. i hope you know that i was just trying to be of help and not a bother. you snapping at me was unnecessary, which you know by now and it scared me han. for a moment, you were an angry stranger to me and it made me so angry too. why? because i don't deserve to be treated like this han, you know how hard life has been and still is for me." you pause, taking a deep breath as you feel tears welling up your eyes. but one look at hannie and you know he's making space for your anger, willing for you to continue.

shit, you really do love him.

"i understand how mentally and physically exhausting things have been for the past week or so. i understand so much han, i really do. but that does not give you any leverage to be rude or angry at me. regardless of the terrible things i deal with in my life, i'm really trying to be positive towards our relationship and this unconsciously might've broken a part of me. maybe i'm being dramatic but my feelings are big and valid. i love you but we'll need to work on this at our own pace, yeah? what do you think?" you finish, catching a breath that you didn't realise was held.

jeonghan takes a deep breath, before he begins. taking one look at you, he fidgets with his phone and tries to talk cause he has to start somewhere.

"firstly, i am really sorry love. i wanna let you know that i regret my actions and shouldn't have behaved that way towards you. it's just been really hard for me to go into a break from being so packed with schedules. i don't think i've rested at all since i started working and it's just a lot. it's a lot because i now am realising the importance of rest and that solely is beyond overwhelming. but now that i'm here, i want to make the best of it and spend as much time as i can with the people i love. again, i can't think of anything other than apologising because you don't deserve that. i have no right to be treating you that way when you've put your complete trust and love in me. i'm so sorry again love, i want to work on this. i'm not sure how but i wanna work on us, with you. i love you." he finishes, letting out a loud sob. you hold yourself back from going and holding him cause he needs this more than anything else.

instead you move next to him, taking one of his hands in yours. hannie turns to look at you and lays his head on your shoulder, not caring about drenching your shirt. you gently caress his hand as he calms down and give him some water to hydrate. disconnecting from your hand, he drinks the water and wipes his face but intertwines your arm in both of his the moment he's done. there's a moment of stillness felt, as he leans onto your shoulder, nuzzling further into your neck. you haven't felt this feeling ever and just being present makes you realise that there is always space to be wrong and learn in love. not sure if it's the same with everyone else, but you know for sure it is with jeonghan.

[angel-kyo]

Pay it no mind

Part XXIV

In which reader confesses their feelings to Gojo, but it seems these are not returned (maybe?).

Warnings: reader is on the receiving end of rejection (kinda), and the fact that I'm obsessed with unrequited love is a warning itself. Drinking is mentioned, and there is a bit of cussing. I'll admit Satoru does not look good in this one, neither does reader honestly, but thanks for bearing with me.

Previous: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII, Part IX, Part X, Part XI, Part XII, Part XIII, Part IV, Part XV, Part XVI, Part XVII, Part XVIII, Part XIX, Part XX, Part XXI, Part XXII, Part XXIII

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Ping.

Satoru heard the notification sound from your phone, which had been left unattended on the table in the teacher’s lounge, but he did not pay attention to it.

Ping.

You had gone to the restroom, and he was watching videos on his phone. In fact, he had found a funny video to show you when you came back.

Ping.

Whoever it was probably had a lot to say though.

Ping.

Satoru took his eyes off his phone and looked at yours.

It started ringing, then stopped.

Could that be something urgent? Satoru knew how to unlock your phone; you had showed him. You could access his phone too, although none of your ever used each other’s phone without asking first, but if it was urgent, he should maybe take a look.

He grabbed it.

4 new messages. 1 missed call.

Haruki: I did not want to say anything before, but I’m sorry if I weirded you out last night when I called you. Haruki: I was emotional and talked too much. Haruki: The whole thing with my father makes me drink more than I should and do things I should probably not do, and it’s… well, you know. Haruki: But I don’t regret it at all.

Satoru thought he did not need to read that. It looked like Ikeda had some family issues he vented to you about.

However, even if he did not want to, he could almost sympathize with the guy.

“Is that my phone?” you asked, reappearing before Gojo.

He stretched his arm out so you would take the phone he was still holding. “It was ringing.”

A moment later, your words confirmed what Gojo thought. “It’s Haruki… His father has been bugging him for money, but he does not really want to see him again.”

Gojo recalled you had told him something about how complicated his relationship with his father was.

I guess it makes sense he wants a friend to call, someone who will listen to him.

Not that he could make peace with you being that friend just yet, but he knew better than to say that aloud, so he hummed in response.

“Must be tough for him.”

***

Now that he looked back on it, that had happened two weeks ago, the morning he had returned to Japan only to find out that you would be clocking in late that day.

He had wondered what your friend could have said to "weird you out". What was the thing he did not regret? Why had you left the room to give him a call after that?

Satoru had tried, really tried to live with the fact that Ikeda was your friend, a friend that might have called you being wasted out of his mind to complain about the awful father he had. That was the explanation he had given to himself.

He never imagined you would have gone out to drink with the guy, maybe even spent the night with him, and then what? Eaten breakfast at his place just before clocking in at work to greet your obliviously hopeful best friend, if he could still consider himself as such, as if nothing had happened?

To think Satoru, overworked and sleep deprived as he had been after that trip, had wanted to get back to work immediately to see you...

He felt stupid.

“Are you okay?” Satoru heard you ask hesitantly.

He took his eyes off his reflection to briefly look at you. “What are you doing here?” he asked, moving to wash his hands for the third time.

You watched him hold his hands underneath the water stream, not really moving them.

So he still does that.

When he was younger, Satoru sometimes did that as a ritual to calm himself when he felt anxious. You could not remember the last time he had done it in front of you.

“You did not come back to the table, and Shoko said you looked pale when you left.”

And I’m afraid I know why.

“If you want me to call her to check in on you, I’m sure I can convince her to come into the men’s restrooms.”

Satoru knew those words were only meant to try and walk around the elephant in the room, or should he say the elephant that was sitting back at the table?

He grabbed a paper towel. “I’m fine. You should go back.”

You were standing from a distance but still saw his jaw tighten. “Aren’t you coming back?”

“What for?” he asked, throwing the used paper sheet into the bin.

“They already served the dessert, and…”

“What am I doing here, [name]?” Satoru’s eyes connected with yours.

What do you mean? You asked to come.

That is what you were going to tell him, but he did not let you.

“Is it true?” he asked, eyebrows furrowing, the ghost of an expression he almost never showed to you. “That night you went drinking with him, where did you sleep?”

Now that was a tricky question.

“At his place, but…”

Satoru’s face contorted into a broken smile and the forced laugh that escaped his mouth echoed through the empty stalls. “Of course.”

“Let me expla-”

“And? Was the breakfast worth it?” His venomous tone was not something you were used to.

You frowned. Was he really implying that? Did he really think that was the kind of person you were?

“I get that what he said sounded weird, but that’s… I can’t believe you’re asking that.”

“I can’t believe you’re not answering,” he replied dryly.

You took a step closer. “Satoru, what do you think happened between him and me?”

“I have no fucking idea.” The sternness of his words made you take that step back. “Because you did not even mention going out with him while I was gone, let alone that you spent the night at his place. Oh, but I’m sure that whatever happened he does not regret it at all, because that’s what he told you, isn’t it?”

What was he talking about now?

“What do you mean? Why would you say…?”

“Is that my phone?”

“It was ringing.”

The realization left you stunned. “You read our conversation?”

You were not expecting that. Knowing that Satoru was nosy at times was one thing. That he had actually violated your privacy and read a conversation from your phone without telling you was another one.

“Can you believe I almost felt bad for him? But why should I? He has you to comfort him in his oh-so-many hardships. What a lucky bastard...”

“Gojo, stop right there.”

He wanted to. Satoru really wanted to stop talking now before saying anything that would hurt you both, but he did not think he could. He had held it in for too long.

“No, don't Gojo-me. You did not tell me to stop before.” His eyes were burning blue.

The blue part of a flame is the hottest spot.

You could not remember who had told you that, but for the first time, it made sense, because it felt like Satoru was burning you under his gaze.

“No, scratch that... You told me to stop once, and I was foolish enough to think you needed time, that I was rushing you, but that was not it, was it? You had already made up your mind. You just did not have the guts to tell me.”

This was a side of Satoru that you were not sure of how to handle; your arguments were never like this; they could be ugly, yes, but it was never him yelling and reproaching while looking this agitated. He usually kept his emotions in check; you just lacked the experience seeing him like this.

What was that thing Suguru said once? That those who felt deeply will love you and hate you the same? That their love and their wrath was equally dangerous, or something like that?

Satoru’s agitated breath was all you could hear for a second, but then, as if regaining strength, he continued. “Tell me, did you ever think of him when you kissed me?”

Even before he finished the question, you had started shaking your head. "Of course not! Satoru, just let me explain. It’s not what you think, and I’ve never…”

“Now you are talking!” He advanced quickly towards you. “Yes, please, [name], please do explain what’s going on.” He was not exactly yelling, but he had raised his voice again, more than in any other argument you could recall, but it suddenly dropped. “What’s this? You play house with me Monday through Friday and fuck him on the weekends?”

“We are not playing house,” You were trying to avoid shouting, but it still came out sharper than you had intended.

“But you are fucking him.”

“I’m not!” That was it, you could not avoid shouting at him anymore. “Stop, just shut up. You know it’s not like that. He’s my friend, and you…”

“Then answer me, what are we playing at? Because I’m also your friend, right?! But looks like that’s all I’ll ever be, the friend that has to sit back and watch the person he loves fall in love with someone else. What a freaking great game, but guess what? I don’t want to play anymore.”

He had it all wrong and that irked you that he did not want to listen, but at the same time, it was breaking your heart to hear him. Was that how he had felt all this time?

You tried to touch his face to wipe away the tear that was about to fall down, but he pulled back. “Don’t… Don’t touch me. Just pick. It's him or me.”

What?

One look at your expression, and Satoru understood why he had put off asking you for a definitive response for so long. Maybe, deep down, he knew you could not pick him; he was flawed, he was selfish, he was always too late.

When you were younger, you had not been able to pick his friendship over Ikeda’s. This was just the same, was it not?

No, this hurts much worse.

“Satoru, I…” you started saying, but he shook his head and interrupted you…

“You seriously can’t, can you? You know… You were right, I’m selfish” he pointed to the door, “I’m nothing like Mr. Perfection out there, with the magazine face, corporate job, and just mundane problems..."

At some point, Satoru had given in and tried to get some intel on who the great Haruki, who had had you head over heels, was, but what he had found was just an average man that was perfect in everyone's eyes. In a way, that was worse than finding dirt on him.

"He may be a fucking saint, and I’m selfish all you want, but you…” the finger that had been pointing outside was now pointing at you “You are cruel beyond repair, and I’m an idiot for falling in love with you.”

He had lowered his voice, but the atmosphere could be cut with a knife, and his words certainly sliced it through.

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” a young man, a waiter called behind you. “I’m afraid your… Umm… conversation is preventing some customers from coming in. May I ask that you continue this somewhere else?”

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Note: No notes today, just my love.

Thanks for reading!

Next: Part XXV

@mavs-stuff @witchbybirth @crookedlyaddictedone-blog @tqd4455 @maybe-a-bi-witch @mo0nforme @maliakealoha @zacatecanaaaa @blushhpeachh @astriarose @missesgojosatoru @ba-ks @sukunasleftkneecap @songbirdlully @cole-silas @heijihattorisgf @chokesonspit @hersheyzzz @smolbeanzzz @luciledreamz @avidreadee123 @moonmalice @ratscandaler @sadmonke @allie-jay @username23345 @spin-garden @ashehateaccount @kayzens @blehtotheblehtothebleh @stellasloth @bloopsstuff @cheesemachine44 @tetsuski @rosellerinfrost @catowru @bi-narystars @wondermilka @fortunatelyfurrygiver @shrxui

[dzvelinaskebiyars]

HELLO!! I loved your HC's!! Your Tokyo Revengers contents are really Good I think. Keep it up!!!🖤. And and I've a request. Can you do Mikey x Fm!Foreign reader? Like the reader is his neighbor. She came to Japan in a young age. She slowly learns Japanese. They became good friends.The foreign reader maybe a brown girl. Bengali would be nice if you can. If you don't want any specific ethnicity then South Asian would be great!! Thank you so much for reading. I hope to read more of your contents!!🎀

Yes ofc! Thank you so much for support and request!

Suddenly moving to Japan sounded fun but also would be difficult. Learning a new language, new traditions, having to make new friends and having to get used to new environment in general wouldn't be easy at all.

It wasn't as hard as you thought it'd be tho. You had friendly neighbours and yes it was a bit struggle to learn Japanese but you pulled yourself together.

You first befriended Emma and when you visited her house, you met his older brother--Manjiro Sano. You two managed to be friends, tho it was a bit hard to communicate since you still lacked in Japanese but neither did Emma or Manjiro mind.

You visited their house often. You, Manjiro and Emma would play together. Slowly, they became your best friends.

Tbh, Manjiro thought you were really cool for some reason. You had great sense of humour and were easy to get along with. He just found you cool in general.

He'd have you taste Doriyaki and Tayaki btw.

You: damn I hardly eat anything but still gain weight.

Mikey: Couldn't be me.

Mikey: My metabolism loves me

You: Or you simply have bottomless stomach.

__________

Mikey, covering your eyes and dragging you somewhere:

You: Where are you taking me??

Mikey: I told you that I can't tell you.

You: I'm scared

Mikey: Nah don't be. It's a surprise.

You: I might trip.

Mikey: You won't and here we are. Open your eyes.

And he just showed you the old engine of motorcycle.

______

The more time you two spend together, the more he swears that he'll protect you. (Fun fact: he fails to protect people he cares for).

Mikey: Why are there so many right handed people but not left handed?

You: Genetics..?

Mikey: Yea but why?

____

You:....What is this?

Mikey: Cactus.

You: What happened to it?

Mikey:I don't know. That's why I brought it to you. What do you think?

You: I think you're some sort of genius...You know, not everyone is capable of killing a cactus.

Mikey: what?! It's dead??

You: What did you do to it??

Mikey: I didn't do anything other than giving it water!

You: How much water do you think is in desert?!

Mikey: How was I supposed to know?! I don't live in desert!

______

He'd absolutely randomly take you to late night rides. Like he'd pull up at your house at 3am and tell you to ride with him.

He'd become part of your daily routine.

Can you imagine this guy acting shy or blushing? Well, he definitely would be with you.

When you two were about to kiss, Draken suddenly interrupted and Mikey swore to Draken that he'd interrupt his first kiss with Emma too.

Mikey isn't one to open up and vent but for some reason, he'd feel like he doesn't have to burden everything when he's with you. It's surprising even to him that he opened up to you.

♡♡♡♡

I'm sorry for not posting this sooner!

[asimperingswannsong]

Request: fluff with Larissa where Rissie is having sad girl minutes and Reader cheers her up, please

🤗 Thank you for the ask! I can certainly try! This was my first attempt at a Reader insert. It was a fun challenge. Hope you like it! 🙃

Another Dismal Dance

Larissa Weems x Reader

Notes/Summary/Warnings: Just fluffy stuff. Larissa has another disappointing Rave'N and reader tries to make it better.

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You were standing with Ms. Ingram, the other rookie teacher, by the punch bowl at the Rave'N chaperoning the students as they arrived. She was busy mindlessly speculating on who might be dating who and whether any of the speculative couples would be making an appearance together as official items, but your attention was elsewhere. You were trying to be subtle about it, but it was difficult because the object of your affection was positively radiant this evening.

From the moment you'd interviewed with her and bonded over your shared interest in Outcast History, her former subject, you'd been enamoured by Principal Weems. This was your first teaching job and she had been an amazing mentor, always ready with words of encouragement or offering an ear for you to vent. And when she'd begun to confide in you during your fireside chats in her office, you couldn't have been happier. She'd been having a tough time this year with the monster attacks and Wednesday's constant need to solve the mystery surrounding them. You'd become increasingly worried about her as you could see from the windows of your rooms how many evenings, she'd been working late into the night doing damage control for Wednesday's latest antics.

But you'd been able to cheer her up anytime she expressed frustration with things just by mentioning the Rave'N. She was so excited about the preparations. She wanted everything just right for her students to have a memorable experience and her enthusiasm was one more thing about her that you found so endearing. You'd been having little cautionary chats with yourself lately just to check in and remind yourself to respect boundaries since this was your boss and making an unwanted advance toward her could be a huge mistake but it was hard to keep your resolve everytime you saw her flitting through the halls. She was so beautiful and so elegantly put together. And her personality matched her appearance, charming and perfect. It was a struggle not to be a complete simp.

Especially right now, she was stunning in her knee length silver dress, and she looked so happy seeing all of her hard work come to fruition. She had done an incredible job on the themed decor. It was nice to see her have this perfect evening after all the stress she'd dealt with recently. Now, if only you could work up the courage to go over and tell her as much. "Right?" Your eyes widened as your realized you'd become so engrossed in Principal Weems that you'd completely checked out of the conversation with Ms. Ingram.

"Sorry?" "Coach Vlad." She was met with a look of confusion. "I said he thinks his track suit is formal wear apparently. Crazy huh? Are you alright, Y/N?" "Huh? Oh yeah, sorry. I was just thinking about Monday's lesson plan and whether to include a pop quiz," you lied trying to cover for the actual reason behind your inattentiveness. Ms. Ingram rolled her eyes dramatically and grabbed you by the arm shaking it, "We're off work. It's a dance. Loosen up and have a little fun, Y/N." "Yeah, I'll try…"

You managed to excuse yourself from Ms. Ingram's gossip train and finally made your way to Larissa. "Ms. L/N! You look lovely this evening darling. That dress is so pretty!" she greeted you happily. You blushed noticeably at her compliment. "This is amazing Principal Weems. You should be so proud. And you are a vision. Perfection." "Really?" her turn to blush noticeably. "I love it. And the gloves, the jewelry, and the hair, they're all absolutely beautiful." She smiled still blushing, "Flatterer." "Just facts." "Ms. L/N?" You heard Ms. Ranier, the other history teacher, call from behind you.

You reluctantly started to turn away from Larissa to acknowledge Ms. Ranier, but she reached out gently and took your hand to draw your attention back to her for a moment. "Ms. L/N?" You turned back with a look of inquiry. "Before you go…" "Yes?" "I just wanted to ask if you'd like to stop by my office later? Maybe for a celebratory drink? I'm so happy with how everything came together." "I would love to. That sounds fun," you said beaming at her. She smiled in return and winked at you, "See you then, Y/N." The wink has caused your stomach to abruptly relocate within your body. You turned and floated away.

Everything was going so well…until it wasn't.

You were standing against the wall with two other teachers deeply engaged in a terrible dance battle with each of you showcasing your cringest of moves when you felt a droplet land on your shoulder.As you looked around trying to find the source of the leak you noticed the droplet was red. "What the hell?" And then there was two, three, four. "What's going…" And then the sprinklers opened fully and rained down red.

People started to scream as their formal attire they'd spent weeks choosing became stained all over. Then they started to try to get away and began slipping in the mess. You immediately started trying to help students up and direct them to the exit, but it was chaos. And then you heard a loud scream and you turned to see Larissa having a full-blown meltdown in the center of the room and your heart broke in two.

She'd wanted this to be perfect so badly and she'd already dealt with so much this year and now she and her beautiful dress were stained from top to bottom. She was breathing deeply and shaking. She seemed to be having a panic attack or hyperventilating. You tried to make your way toward her, but you kept getting caught up in the on rush of the exiting crowd. Over and over again you were thwarted from getting to her. Eventually you were pulled along by your fellow teachers who all just wanted out.

In the aftermath you stood and looked frantically around for Larissa. You just wanted to make sure she was okay. Unable to find her, you hugged and comforted crying students encouraging them gently to return to their rooms and get cleaned up and apologizing for their dance being ruined. Finally you spotted her, but she rushed by on her phone and you heard her addressing Sheriff Galpin. She'd recovered from her earlier panic and now she sounded furious.

Realizing this was not an ideal time to try and speak to her you returned to your own rooms and cleaned yourself up. You paced your room using baby wipes to clean the stains from your face and out of your hair as much as possible before changing out of your ruined dress. You could see Larissa pacing furiously in her office and gesticulating wildly at the other occupants.

You determined when you had a chance you would try to intervene and do what you could to comfort her in some way. You grabbed a large basket and began filling it with items, baby wipes, cloths, a blanket, a candle, a bottle of red wine you'd bought after trying it in Larissa's office one evening, and finally a small bouquet from your pink hellebores. You made your way over to the main building and saw Sheriff Galpin and Mayor Walker leaving as you entered. You made your way upstairs.

As you entered while knocking you saw Larissa hastily try to wipe the tears from the corners of her eyes as she stood from her desk. "Y/N? Are you alright? I'm so sorry for what happened?" You came in and placed the basket on the couch. "Am I alright? I came to check on you. I know how much you were looking forward to this. I'm the one who's sorry for the way it turned out." She'd been making a valiant effort not to cry but she lost the battle and started to weep openly. You rushed over and hugged her tightly. "Oh no sweetheart. Don't cry. I'm so sorry."

She clung tightly to you and sobbed loudly. You held her tightly in return and rubbed soothingly on her back trying to bring her some comfort. As her sobs lessened slightly you placed your arm around her lower back. "Come here, sweetheart," you said gently leading her toward the couch in front of the fire, "let's sit down together for a minute." You brought her around to the couch but she hesitated. "I don't want to stain it," she sniffled still wearing her ruined dress. You moved quickly over to your basket and removed the blanket, unfolding it and holding it open like a towel. She continued to hesitate.

You wiggled it at her invitingly, "Come on. I brought it just for you. Feel free to stain it all you like." Larissa smiled through her next sniffle and moved closer to you. You wrapped her up into a red burrito and hugged her once more before encouraging her to sit. She did and you removed the candle and flowers placing them on the table and lighting the wick. Larissa smiled and wiped a strand of stained loose hair from her eyes. "What are you doing?" she asked curiously.

"Me? I'm currently in the middle of an impromptu and somewhat desperate attempt to provide some small modicum of comfort to you after what was an unmitigated disaster perpetrated on the most undeserving of creatures." Finishing your quick mood setting decor, you reached over producing the bottle of wine and holding it out to her. "May I interest the madam in a glass of the house's finest Beaujolais Nouveau?" you said in your corniest French waitress impression. Mercifully she chuckled as you poured her a glass.

Darling, you didn't have to do any of this." "I wanted to. I felt terrible seeing you crushed like that." You held up a baby wipe. "May I?" "Please." You placed a knee on the couch beside her and bent forward over her wiping the stains from her face gently. She gazed up into your eyes with a look of gratitude that made you weak. "Thank you," she whispered as you continued to wipe away the red. "Of course, sweetheart."

When you finished cleaning as many of the streaks from her face as you could, you sat down next to her on the sofa and poured yourself a glass. She held hers out for a refill and you both sat and stared into the fire for a while. You felt her hand lay over the top of yours and you turned yours over. She entwined your fingers together and you continued to watch the flames. "Are you going to be alright?" you whispered. "Yes, darling, don't worry about me." "But I do," you said after a pause. She caressed your hand gently and smiled.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for telling a guilt-tripper to knock it off?

I'm part of a Discord server for authors, both aspiring and published. We chat about life, discuss story ideas, share snippets, look for beta readers, give each other feedback on our query packages—the usual. We're from all over the world, so sometimes time zones don't match up, and inevitably there are members who are more active and, thus, get a bit more attention

There's this one user—let's call them Kat—who used to be fairly active and had decent interaction from other users. Around December, Kat shared a bit of their writing to a critique swap—basically a Google Drive where we could look over each other's stuff and provide feedback. They uploaded a bit late due to their schedule (GMT) and didn't get as much critique as they'd hoped, which made them a bit disheartened and they commented as much in the server. I can't blame them, since feeling ignored sucks, but I feel like complaining about it in the general channel (we have a dedicated vent channel) was a bit gauche.

Regardless, Kat continued to be active, albeit posting less frequently. Notably, most of their posting seems to be either responding to group prompts or talking about their own writing. Rarely do they respond to someone else's comments—or, hell, even replies to their own! I've seen people inquire more about stuff they've brought up, and then they just never respond. People do interact with them; they just don't interact back.

About a month ago, they messaged the server talking about recovering from illness and coming up with a story idea, asking for people to look over their first few pages. Two people responded with sympathy and interest; as far as I'm aware, Kat never got back to those people. Usually in interactions like this, someone asks for feedback, another person replies to tell them they're interested, the OP asks to DM, and the conversation goes there; Kat straight up left them hanging. After that, they only sent a few messages—a couple of replies to group prompts (those rarely have interaction from other users, though I've made an effort to react or reply to interesting responses, and I've seen a few others do the same), and another passive-aggressive comment about being ignored.

Tonight, Kat sent a message to the chat in the general channel (again, not #vent) that started with, "Whatever I've done or not done that's made me a social pariah in this group to people I thought were friends who now ignore my questions or posts, at least have a modicum of compassion and heart this message..." They then continued, talking about losing someone close to them. I do sincerely feel for them, but I can't bring myself to interact with that message in any way. Not even the heart they want. Worse, I'm entertaining the notion of telling them that while I am genuinely sorry for their loss, guilt-tripping people isn't an effective way to garner compression.

Why I WBTA: Literally they're grieving, that's such a shitty thing to do right now. Besides, they are right in that people haven't interacted with them as much ever since they asked for feedback on their work that one time. I doubt this will help anyone, let alone them.

Why I might be a JAH (I know for a fact there's no world where I'm NTA): Responses have dipped because they aren't posting as much, and moreover, since they rarely respond to people at all, it's likely that we've all learned that it's not worth it interacting with them. Besides, if I ignore them, they'll just keep guilt-tripping even more, which also isn't helpful to anyone. And again—we have a vent channel. Why they came into the place where we chitchat about our weekend plans vexes me somewhat.

I dunno. It's a very damned if I do, damned if I don't situation. WIBTA?

What are these acronyms?

[trans-androgyne]

hey, thank you for having and running this blog. you're doing the equivalent of gods work.

first, i'm sorry for the amounts of jerk anons you have to deal with. you literally articulate yourself very well and clearly, and still, people will find a way to twist it or not take it seriously. it reminds me of me "arguing" with terfs back in 2022 on twitter. (shudders.)

and second, how do you deal with the constant negativity? i have found myself doomscrolling the transandrophobia tag, and, well, to no ones surprise, my mental health is down the gutter. do you have any tips to deal with it? mainly with the transandrophobia in general? it is more than exhausting existing as a (gnc & enby) trans guy atm, and it's really getting to me. the thing is, I wouldn't mind it if it were non-queer bigots, but the fact it's coming from inside the community is devastating. i am more than hurt. this intense hatred for men and masculinity, queer, trans, or not, is incomprehensible to me. it never does anything good. anyone who says "i hate all men and anything masculine" is definitely going in the "yep that's either a radfem or a radfem hatchling" box. i partially understand as to why- i had a fear of men myself when i still identified as a girl, and slipped into the "all men bad. kill" side of the internet for a short while but ONLY because of this rhetoric ("you need to be afraid because there are men outside." , "men and masculinity are inherently predatory or dangerous")- but i got out of it because i saw how fucked it was eventually (thank goodness)- but nothing should ever be an excuse to excessively hate a gender or masculinity this badly. and its mostly gender essentialist bs anyways imo, so i do not understand it at all...it reminds me of people saying men/mascs cant be asexual because it's "in their nature to be sexual"- because testosterone. its hard. i just wish we all could respect each other. you're either "one of the bad bad evil men" or "noooooo not YOU. you're AFAB!! never!! youre a girl/woman in spirit!!" from my personal experience with terfs/radfems/idiots.

anyways, sorry for invading your anon space with this long rant, but i just wanted to leave this and the question. i hope you have a nice day/night, and thank you for reporting on transandrophobia as much as you do. it's sadly very much needed right now.

Thank you so much, this is such a kind ask to receive. To be honest with you: I don’t handle my mental health very well around it </3 It’s weighed on me pretty heavily these last few months especially. The things keeping me running this blog anyway are my passion for the transmasc community and lovely anons like yourself cheering me up. When it comes to trying to manage it, the most important thing for me has been finding people I can vent to about it who will understand. I’m lucky enough to have a wonderful discord server full of awesome trans people who will talk it through with me, and that’s been a life-saver. Staying offline for a bit and trying to engage in person with people who are unlikely to be transandrophobic towards you can be a nice relief. I catch myself doomscrolling constantly too, and it doesn’t feel great. If you need to set some sort of time limit on your phone even just to remind yourself not to do it, that’s helped me before and might help you too.

Having this much hatred levied at me for my identity from my own community lately has been devastating. I completely understand you. I’ve always been vocal about supporting transfems in particular, so it really hurts to see so many turn against me for speaking up. I understand how the queer community got this way, though. Antimasculinism has been an issue in queer and feminist spaces for ages. I think people are starting to notice it more and understand why it sucks and how much it negatively affects trans men and mascs. It feels like a losing battle sometimes with how much cultural feminism — the Men Bad Women Good flavor of pop feminism — has pervaded our communities and often led to very overt radical feminism that people still can’t always recognize because they don’t know anything about TERFs outside of them hating trans women. I believe the culture will start to shift soon such that people are able to recognize sexism and gender essentialism that harms all genders, and I will be doing my part to help that happen.

[cheegu3]

Hi, can I request yandere twice reaction to s/o wanting to break up with them

hi, sorry for the long wait, hope u like it c:

tw / trigger warning; yandere themes, emotional manipulation, insults, jealousy, objectification, mentions of self-harm, swearing, restraints, mentions of sex, naive reader - don't read if it makes u uncomfortable

this was based on my twice profile, which is why Momo is absolutely insane lol

Twice - reaction to s/o wanting to break up with them

Jihyo

This would not sit well with her at all. There's no way she'd let you get out of her grasp that easily.

Not only that - but the fact that you even thought about it and asked her for it too? Unacceptable.

However, since she had a bit of a sadistic side, she'd entertain you for a bit. Making it seem like you were free to go while she had people spying on you the whole time. It would make you enough paranoid to lose a huge amount of sleep, making you a bit deranged and not as clear in the head as usual.

Then your ex-girlfriend would magically appear out of nowhere at a café you frequently visited. She had many body guards around her.

'' What are you doing here? Did you follow me here you psycho? '' you spat out the accusation and took a few cautious steps backwards.

Jihyo smiled sweetly at you, but a hint of irritation flashed across her face since you were close to causing a scene and alerting the other customers around.

However, she seemed to have no problem with quickly brushing off the irritation and playing in character again.

'' Follow you? Why would I do that? '' her face contorted into a look of offence now. '' My group was filming nearby so I decided to get a drink during the break. ''

Then she stepped closer, concern in her eyes.

'' Are you okay, y/n? You look really scared? Is something bothering you? ''

And just like that - the bunny had walked into the fox's trap. After you'd vented, your ex with her heaps amount of money seemed to be the most obvious solution to your stalker problems.

She could surely find out who it is right?

Nayeon

Although she felt nothing but utter rage inside, strategic tears sprung up in her eyes as soon as the words ' I want to break up ' left your mouth.

She'd fall to her knees, pretending as if her heart was breaking so much it hurt to stand up. When she sobbed so loud it drowned out your voice, her hands desperately grabbed onto your own as she begged,

'' Please don't leave me. ''

'' What? '' was all you could say, staring at her in utter confusion.

'' What's wrong? Why are you acting like this? ''

Amidst her acting, Nayeon managed to scoff at your cute dumbness.

'' Because I can't live without you! ''

It felt as if her words echoed in the deadly silence that followed her heartbreaking words.

Your own heart that you thought had already been broken into nothingness, broke a little more as you felt the first hot tears drop down your face - it seemed that you still had a soft spot for your ex, so what if you stayed a little longer?

Jeongyeon

She had been strict, yes - but still fairly nice throughout your whole relationship. That's why she couldn't figure out why you'd want to leave her?

Was there someone else you liked? Was it one of those friends Jeongyeon was paranoid about and deleted their texts from your phone?

Whatever it was, she'd make you regret it. That nice, sweet girlfriend that you were used to seeing would be completely gone; replaced with a psycho ex-girlfriend that would do anything to get you back.

Now, she longer cared if you were terrified of her. Since she knew your passcode, she'd sneak it late at night, tie you up and take pictures of you.

Then she'd wake you up, mocking you for how easy it was to ' catch you ', and claim that she's the only one who could protect you from this world.

'' If I could do that so easily, who knows what other things fucked up people might do to you if I'm not around to protect you. ''

You shook your head.

'' You're fucking crazy. ''

Jeongyeon smiled, a smile only a very twisted person would pull so easily.

'' Yes, I am. ''

Momo

You were her pretty doll and she was the scriptwriter of the play that was your relationship.

Since everything was pretty much fake, and you two were actors; this would enrage Momo. Any time you went off-script or wasn't in your character, acting the way she wanted you to, you'd get punished.

At the same time she felt a bit sad, like you had ripped her heart out and stomped on it. You weren't happy? Why? Did she not take care of you every day? Bathe you, feed you, dress you, pay for you and love you?

Why was that enough, what more could she possibly give you?

'' No. ''

'' Momo, I'm not acting now. '' you tried reaching for her hands but she snatched it away, a frown forming on her face.

'' No. '' she repeated.

'' I'm sick of this. At times you don't even make me feel like a person, it's- '' you waved your arms around trying to come up with the right words, that you were sure still wouldn't get into her head.

'' Humiliating! '' you finished.

Something seemed to flash behind her eyes. Before you knew it, she was right in front of you, menacingly staring you down with that look you knew all too well, '' Go to the bedroom. I will lock you in. ''

Sana

She's extremely delusional and very much the definition of crazy in love. There's no way she'd accept what you were saying, in fact, she'd probably think you were joking until you were screaming with tears of frustration.

Only then would reality kick in and she would start crying and freaking out.

Similarly to Nayeon, she'd beg you to stay and say that she couldn't live without you - which for Sana was absolutely true.

She would threaten to hurt herself, while saying things that she knew would get to you; because it would probably successfully guilt-trip anyone that heard it.

'' Sana please, I'm sorry. ''

Your hands were shaking, just like the uneven breaths you took while you held your ex-girlfriend. The two of you were crying enough to fill an ocean.

'' I really can't live without you. '' she whispered, gazing straight at you through bleary eyes.

'' I know. '' you guiltily say.

'' So how could you do that to me? ''

Mina

She was usually cold, barely showing what she was feeling through her face.

So it wasn't a big surprise that she'd just stare at you with a blank expression, not saying a word. Even as you packed your things and left, she just looked at you leaving.

In reality, she was processing things while also trying to come up with a plan.

She'd get you back, but definitely in a very different way - revenge.

Using her natural charm, Mina would text your friends and try every trick in the book to seduce them. Then, cunningly she'd get proof of your friends expressing their attraction to her and interest in hooking up.

Send them to your phone and ask to meet up, all she had to do was wait after that.

Soon enough your crying self would show up at the same apartment you had left a couple of days ago. She would gladly let you in, feigning a sympathetic look.

'' I knew they were fake, all along. ''

You didn't answer, only sniffling as you buried your face into Mina's shoulder.

'' I'm the only one in your life that's good for you...You will realise that soon enough. ''

Dahyun

She's one of the worst types of yanderes; paranoid and jealous to an extreme.

This lead to you being tied up in her basement most of the time. Seeing the sunshine was almost as rare as you being saved like the locked away princess you sometimes imagined yourself as.

The idea of you even attempting to break up with her when you'd be stuck right after, with no power of your own to walk out of her house - was a death sentence.

Even thinking of her reaction made you shudder in fear.

But one day after you'd been fighting with her all day, her coming down in intervals to scream her lungs out about new revelations she'd come up with while being upstairs alone, and you fighting back just as fiercely.

The words slipped off your tongue in the heat of the moment. You were tired and just wanted to hurt her.

'' Let's break up then! ''

You regretted it straight away, sensing that you had fucked up by the way she stopped mid-sentence, her eyes narrowing as her lips curled up in disbelief.

'' What the fuck did you just say? ''

Chaeyoung

She would panic as soon as the door slammed in her face. Sure she was crazy but she didn't hurt you that much...did she? No matter how many times she raked her brain, Chaeyoung fell short of answers.

It felt unfair, like you were doing it on purpose to break her heart because she'd done some small thing to upset you - the small thing in question was her looking through your phone when she thought you weren't looking, causing you to completely mistrust her and break up on the spot.

Hours passed where she just stared at the wall, feeling empty. She always felt empty when you weren't around, like she wasn't her own person, she wasn't whole without you.

That's why Chaeyoung eventually left to follow you.

It wasn't hard to recognise the bubble-pink car that seemed to conveniently be in every place you visited. Whenever you went to your car it was always there, like a painful reminder that you could never escape her.

After it showed up even as you went to your mom's house, you'd had enough. You angrily delivered a few rapid knocks to the window.

'' What, honey? ''

Her nonchalant tone made you bite your lips in anger.

'' What are you doing here? ''

The door opened, forcing you to back away. Chaeyoung stepped out of the vehicle and almost immediately grabbed your wrist hard enough to leave a mark.

'' You didn't think I was gonna leave without you, did you? ''

Tzuyu

She didn't want to show that she was hurt by your words. She simply let you walk out, despite her tears being ready to fall the second you'd be out of sight.

The next couple of weeks or months, she'd keep an eye on you while she also tried catching it.

Posting all over social media anytime she went to a party, posing with pretty people and hooking up with many more. It didn't fulfill her much since she only did it to get your attention.

But eventually, her efforts didn't go to waste as you started to get jealous.

She was popular, rich, beautiful and wanted by pretty much everyone. Your friends started to tell you that you had messed up, made a mistake and that someone else was going to win her heart.

Thinking of that made you furious, erasing any ounce of logic you had left in you.

So in the end, she won very easily. You showed up outside her doorstep like a puppy and she welcomed you in, smiling behind your back when you hugged her.

'' I've missed you. '' you bashfully admit.

'' I know. '' she says, trying to play it cool while her heart was beating out her chest.

[ariaste]

Hello hello! If it’s all right with you, I would like to vent for a moment: Back in the day, I used to be really into BBC Sherlock. I know it was bad, but it was “Be Gay (solve) Crimes” and I couldn’t resit. One of my favorite parts of the fandom was reading fan metas. I enjoyed reading your ridiculously long meta! I am not very clever and I enjoy reading people noticing things that I can’t. It’s fun watching people passionately pick up clues and put them together.

I don’t think I’m the only one getting superwholock flashbacks lately. Sherlock also tried an unreliable narrator in S4 and it was an absolute shit show. People thought thought the finale was fake, it was so bad. TBH, the entire show was a dumpster fire that thought it was more clever than it was. Moffat was a good writer for single episodes for DW, but a garbage show runner. And they called us crazy for picking up what they were putting down.

But Good Omens gives me a spark of hope. It is unashamedly queer, fun, drinks its respecting women juice, and, unlike moffatiss, I think Neil and the crew may actually be clever enough to pull something big off. I adore the Discworld series and Sir Terry, and I have faith Neil will to do right by him.

Good Omens is restoring my faith in nerdy queer fiction and reminding me why I love fandom so much. Please keep up the crackhead theories. I love them 💕

Thank you, that's very kind!

(Ended up writing a very long reply about the response to my essay and also about queerness in media. Idk why i am writing such long posts these days SORRY LOL. Anyway I'm putting it all beneath the cut so I can tag it without clogging people's dash or the tag pages)

It does make me sigh a little when I see people scornfully comparing my long essay to The Johnlock Conspiracy or saying that they're having Sherlock flashbacks, because the both the contexts of the shows and the methodology of the theorizing are VERY different. To my mind, a more direct comparison of methodology would be the Gravity Falls fandom's "Stan Has A Secret Twin" theory. Writers and showrunners DO like being sneaky and clever from time to time, and many of them are much better at it than Moffat is.

But whether or not my theory is right or not is... kind of irrelevant to me? I wasn't out to force anyone to agree with me, AND writing it was a really fun way to spend a weekend, AND I'm proud of the work I did and the story I told, AND it felt good to have a satisfying workout at the Brain Gym. So even if I'm proven utterly and completely wrong, I won't feel like I wasted my time. :)

Good Omens is a great show, and I am SO HAPPY to see it (and other shows!) embracing queerness, sharing the fans' enthusiasm for the story, and honoring and respecting the fans' love rather than punishing them for it. As more and more time goes on, I think we're going to see more and more shows like that, because some of the people who grew up reading tumblr discourse are going to be showrunners themselves one day, and they'll have learned serious lessons about what it feels like when the audience is met with love rather than disgust and disdain. In fact, we're ALREADY seeing more shows like that than we had 10 years ago! There is so much canonical queerness on-screen these days that the me of 10-15 years ago is ASTONISHED and feels wealthy beyond counting. Of course, there is so much further to go, but man... when i was a kid, we had to walk uphill in the snow both ways just to see two dudes making sustained emotional eye contact, and we were grateful for it. (Jokes but also.... kind of real tho)

We've seen the exact same thing happen in scifi/fantasy publishing in the last seven or eight years, too! (Went off on a long tangent about Queerness In Media from an insider perspective, continuing below a cut so I don't clutter everyone's dash)

Even as recently as 2013--ten years ago--you might not have even been able to get your book published if it was openly gay. Hell, you might not have been able to get an agent to represent it, even. It would have been labeled "unmarketable" and passed over; if it DID get published, the queerness would have been camouflaged and downplayed and hidden in the marketing as much as possible--you wouldn't have known by looking at the cover that it was queer, you wouldn't have been able to tell by reading the back cover that it was queer. In literally 2016, seven years ago, a few months before I got my first book deal, I remember having a conversation with a friend and being very very worried that if I wrote books as queer as I wanted them to be, I would be "pigeonholed" as "ONLY writing Gay Books", that I would be passed over for any of the publisher's marketing budget and publicity efforts, that I would be sidelined and ignored... In 2016, I thought I was facing a choice of writing stories with more "mainstream appeal" OR writing the books I wanted to write and potentially undermining the rest of my career.

That didn't happen, thankfully, because in the next couple years there was this incredible explosion of queer scifi/fantasy. You see, ten to fifteen years ago, a truly stunning percentage of my colleagues -- writers, editors, publicists -- were writing and reading fanfic, and they carried their tastes and story-hungers with them as they grew up and got Real Adult Jobs at publishing companies. And suddenly, as if out of nowhere, a lot of us came of age all at once and there was this absolutely enormous wave of queer SFF that in my opinion has brought us into a new golden age of the genre: The Locked Tomb series by Tamsyn Muir, The Chorus of Dragons series by Jenn Lyons, She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker Chan, Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie, The Tensorate series by Neon Yang, Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon, Light from Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki, The City in the Middle of the Night by Charlie Jane Anders, the Birdverse books by RB Lemberg, The Traitor Baru Cormorant by Seth Dickenson, The Jasmine Throne by Tasha Suri, Reforged by Seth Haddon, The Sorcerer of the Wildeeps by Kai Ashante Wilson, Ocean's Echo by Everina Maxwell, The Fifth Season by NK Jemisin -- and these only the ones I could remember off the top of my head in 30 seconds, and I have a flavor of ADHD that makes my brain go blank when people ask me to think of specific examples of things! It is harder for me to think of a SFF book published in the last 7 years that ISN'T queer.

And then almost exactly a year ago, my book A Taste of Gold and Iron came out with THIS COVER:

Which. Is not so much a step forward in openly queer SFF as it is a fucking gauntlet thrown down in challenge. I cannot impress upon you strongly enough how much I would not have gotten this cover 10 years ago, and that's if the book was even accepted for publication in the first place. This cover SCREAMS gay fantasy romance. There is no attempt to hide it or camouflage it. It is advertising exactly what it is, right up front.

I got the absolute privilege and honor of having this cover--and I do consider it an incredible honor--because of the work that all my colleagues put in with their own work. Each queer book that got published wedged the door a little wider for the next one, and then a little wider still for the next one, until finally someone could get their foot in the door and squeeze across the threshold, which opened it a little wider again. So when I look at this image, I don't just see a beautiful cover that I am delighted to have on my books--I see an entire history of slow, steady progress by so many incredible writers who risked damaging their careers just to drag us to a point where a book as gay as this one could get a cover as gay as that one and STILL get the full and enthusiastic support of both the publisher and the audience. And the most incredible honor and the most humbling privilege out of all of this is the fact that the success of this book meant that the door was wedged open another little bit, that I got to contribute in this small way to the efforts of everyone who came before me, so that ones who come after us will find the door flung wide -- or that there's no door left at all to block the way, because we've collectively torn it down.

So yes, @eyona, I think that having your faith restored little by little is a very good thing, and I am delighted that Good Omens is doing that for all of us. And what's even better is that even if Good Omens doesn't play out exactly how we want it to, that's... kind of okay? Because there is always the next one, and at the very very least, Good Omens is wedging the door open further so that the next one can have an easier time of it. We don't have to walk uphill in the snow both ways just to get a moment of emotionally charged eye contact anymore. We don't have to starve anymore, not like we used to back in the bad old days. And that alone is a wonderful thing. :D

[turtletaubwrites]

I've got the bad brains sometimes, and I hope you don't mind. Please scroll by if you don't want to see a personal/mental health update/vent.

Medical leave is over, and I've noticed that with stress ramping up, my OCD symptoms are also flaring.

I had pretty much stopped using any form social media for the past few years because of OCD. I feel an intense pressure to make sure that every single thing I put out into the world is perfect, and won't hurt or offend anyone, to the point where I will ruminate and fixate over a single exclamation point in a text message for hours/days (and often just give up and decide to never interact again), etc.

I realized lately that since I started writing 4 months ago, I've been super afraid to read fics from my wonderful fellow writers if it involves characters I'm currently writing about because I'm terrified of accidentally stealing ideas. But now I'm feeling guilty that I haven't been as supportive and interactive as I should or want to be, and I don't know how to balance those conflicting feelings without seeming disingenuous. Plus, I'm still so terrified of stealing ideas, I'm not sure how to cope with that one yet.

I've also been feeling guilty because I've gained so many followers so quickly, and I know that it's only because I was on medical leave and hyperfixated on this, and wrote so many things so fast.

I'm trying to work through it, but unfortunately my ADHD diagnosis has prevented me from making a lot of progress since I had to drop my exposure response prevention therapy because I couldn't remember to do the things.

Not to mention the fact that the only reason I was able to start writing four months ago was because I had my first bipolar episode since being diagnosed and medicated for 3 years. The imposter syndrome monster has been growing stronger.

I'm sorry for the vent. I just really love it here. And I'm afraid with my symptoms acting up, I might get too freaked out to be seen by the world.

I'm afraid I'll get even more scared than I already am to try to make friends. I'm afraid I will question everything I write until I can't post a single thing. I'm afraid I'll disappear from here just like I have from so many other lovely places because of the weight that my brain puts on every action, every word, and every inaction, every single thing that I do that could be perceived by others.

Being here, writing, and sharing has meant so much to me, and it saved me during medical leave. Interacting with people here has been wonderful, and I wish I was comfortable enough to reach out more.

Thank you for reading this. I'm just fighting the OCD real bad right now, and I really don't want it to stop me from writing and being here with all of you.

(Posting this and not deleting it will be good ocd work. Just gotta not drive myself insane over it.)

(Come on Lynna, you've read and edited this too many times already. Just post it.)

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Lost & Found - Chapter Twenty Two.

Well, guys, here it is. Sorry it's a few days late, but as you all know I have so much going in my life at the moment, but I made an effort to get this to you timely, the final chapter of our story. Thank you all for your continued readership, you honestly mean the world to me :)

Previous chapters - One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven Twelve Thirteen Fourteen Fifteen Sixteen Seventeen Eighteen Nineteen Twenty Twenty One

Words - 3,533

Warnings - 18+ content throughout, Minors DNI. Recounts of kidnap, child trafficking, physical/verbal/sexual abuse.

“My stomach is hungry, but I’m not.” Turning to look at him, she pulled a half-scrunched face. “Is that weird?” 

“Can’t relate. Whenever my belly is demanding I feed it, I gotta do it. You know how hangry I get.”  

He made quite the valid point. Guero was like a bear emerging from hibernation when in need of food; very much motivated towards eating, and somewhat aggressive if couldn’t get his hands on what he required. “Mother fucking Mary, I do!”  

Her giggle brought a little light to her face that had been all but extinguished in the time they’d lain on the bed, Emma battling with her emotions surrounding the fact that Rocco was no more. Just then, her phone beeped, Guero passing it to her as she sat up, pressing the message icon, her heart skipping a beat.  

‘Will call you soon, darling. So relieved you’re alright. It’s all over now. Love you all the world. Mom xxx’ 

Her bottom lip wobbled, her throat pinching tight. “Oh my god.” She got that Marie was perhaps a little too distracted at present, having to play the part of the frantic wife whose husband was missing, explaining it to the kids and her family, so calling might have been difficult. A text was enough, though. It also showed Vincent’s intentions clearly. He was living up to his promises.  

“As far as mafia bosses go, he seems pretty fair,” Guero remarked, after she’d shared those thoughts with him. “I know he’s only been at the helm for like, a couple hours, but yeah. At least we don’t have to be doing nothing for him we don’t wanna be.” He paused to let her speak, but her words were halted when his stomach let out a very audible growl.  

“Somebody needs feeding,” she commented, arching an eyebrow as they both shared soft laughter. 

“Yeah, I guess I do.” 

Shifting herself up, she kissed his chest, reaching to stroke his face. “I’ll go put that pizza in the oven. Just because I don’t feel like eating, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. I can always nibble at a slice, if you don’t inhale the entire thing in three minutes.” 

Getting up, he followed her through to the kitchen. “How well my woman knows me.” 

While Emma went about jazzing up the frozen pizza with a little extra in the way of meat, cheese and olives, Guero stood and observed, handing her a tequila shot she sank in one. 

“Keep ‘em coming, baby.”  

He grinned. “As I will with you as soon as I’ve filled my stomach. If you want me to, that is?” He was mindful that perhaps sexual gymnastics might not be too high on her list of priorities.  

Leaning to kiss him, she gave his cheek a playful nibble. “it’ll be the perfect thing to take my mind off of it all.”  

It proved to be perfect for just that, Emma falling asleep soon after she’d been thoroughly ploughed into the mattress. In the coming days, though, it all whirled around her head like a small tornado, trying to find her balance and return to normal, yet one thing hung over her like a fog. She hadn’t heard back from Marie.  

Two days passed, Emma feeling confused and hurt, throwing herself into her work to deal with what she assumed to be some kind of rejection, venting all to Lee.  

“I wouldn’t worry, sunshine,” her friend began, handing her a can of lubricant to assist in loosening a rusted exhaust clamp. “She’s probably got a lot on, liaising with the police, reporting Rocco as a missing person, all the while dealing with the fact that he actually fuckin’ ain’t missing at all. I bet she’s had a lotta emotions to process, just like you have.”  

Lee’s words made a lot of sense, Emma realising that perhaps it was a little selfish given the circumstances, for her to expect Marie’s immediate attention when she too had so much to process in the aftermath. “I think you’re right, yeah. I’ll give her time on it.”  

Time. It was only natural that Marie needed some, she assumed, kicking herself a little for thinking selfishly. Of course, she had much to deal with and just because she wasn’t at the epicentre of it didn’t mean she cared any less. “You’re thirty, a grown woman. You can deal with your mom not calling you right away.” she thought to herself while returning to her work. 

Come the following afternoon, though, Emma discovered that time moved a lot quicker than she’d envisioned it would, seeing a large, white vehicle driving slowly through the yard, coming to a stop in the space between the clubhouse and the workshop. When the door opened, she could barely believe her eyes. There, looking way too glamorous for her surroundings, stood the one person her heart had ached for since her escape. 

She should have known the woman who folded her loving wings around her for nineteen years would never abandon her, now she could safely find a way back to her again. 

“Mom?” She could scarcely believe it, but there she was. There was the woman who had loved her and tried so valiantly to keep her safe all those years. Pulling off her gloves, she shot out from the workshop, running with tears pooling her eyes towards the loving, open arms that awaited her. “Mom!” Reaching out, she flung her arms around her, Marie clasping her tight, breathing in her scent, sobbing hard into her hair with relief.  

Even the most hardened of men who had exited the clubhouse to witness the scene felt their throats pinch, watching the women reconnect, the bond they had incredible. It was borne of love and loyalty, victims of similar circumstance and because of such, perhaps even stronger than that of DNA and blood.  

“Emsy, oh my god. Oh, I missed you so, so much!” Marie cried, stroking her hair, holding her in a tight embrace. 

“What are you doing here? I thought you were gonna call! Are the kids with you?” she gasped, Marie rocking her in her arms, pulling back a little to look at her.  

“No, I couldn’t take them out of school, so they’re with friends. And I was gonna call, but it didn’t seem enough. Besides, had to show my face in the interests of looking concerned about my husband going missing out here. Nobody needs to know it was my daughter who I really came to see.”  

Emma’s bottom lip quivered, Marie smoothing her hair and clutching her close again, soothing her as she began to sob. “Love you all the world, my darling. It’s over now, baby girl. All over. Shhh, it’s alright.”  

“I feel... I... so much guilt, and I don’t feel like I should be relieved... and I,” she gasped, her chest heaving with the force of her sobs, Marie soothing her. “Mom, I can’t... I don’t... I...” 

“Shhhh, my darling. You’re losing it a little, deep breaths, come on.” She began to breathe in deeply, holding Emma’s eye contact, watching as she mirrored her and began to calm. It was an exercise she’d done with her since she was ten, to calm her panic attacks as a result of what Rocco routinely inflicted on her. “You wanna go someplace to talk, just you and me?”  

“Um, yeah. I gotta check with Lee first. And, well, there’s somebody I want you to meet.” Turning to the clubhouse, she smiled, beckoning with her hand. Guero walked over, returning the wide smile Marie greeted him with. God, Rocco had really been punching. She was in her early fifties, but still an absolute knockout. “Mom, this is my boyfriend, Guero.” 

“Oh, what a nice name,” Marie began, opening her arms. “I’m a hugger, you gotta bring it in, mister!”  

He laughed softly, obliging. “Good to meet you at last, Marie. She’s missed the hell outta you, you know.” 

“Very mutual! But mother Mary, I was so relieved she was safe. So, you been looking after her, huh?” 

“Yeah,” he nodded, wrapping an arm around Emma. “Always will, too.”  

Her smile was fond, reaching an elegantly manicured hand to stroke his cheek. “Mind if I steal her a while? I think we need to reconnect.” 

He shrugged, shaking his head. “No problem.” Emma kissed him, going over to Lee to both clear it with her, and introduce her mother and best friend, Lee a little stiff at being hugged, but polite all the same.  

They headed off in the rented white SUV, Marie turning the air con back up to full, bemoaning the heat.  

“Mom, this is nothing. You should try a summer here, holy Christ, it’s like hellfire!”  

Marie smiled, turning the car around to drive back out. “Remember that summer when you were thirteen, and Rocco had gone away to Atlantic City for a long weekend? You turned into a prune from the amount you were in the pool.”  

The memory warmed her, much like the sun had upon that beautiful July day, Emma remembering the taste of freedom as she gave Marie directions. “Left here. And yeah, yeah I remember it. You always tried so hard to give me little pieces of normalcy, in a situation that was anything but.” 

“Wish I could have done more, darling.” The sad smile widened when Emma reached to squeeze her arm, Marie’s hand covering it in a soft clasp, continuing through the streets until they reached the coffee shop. Parking the rental car up, they walked down to the location, Marie going in while Emma took a table outside.  

When she returned, she sat in silence for a few moments, tears filling her eyes as she reached to stroke her face in her hands. “Jesus and all the saints, look at you, my girl,” she gasped softly, marvelling at how well her daughter looked. “All tanned and happy, and these tattoos! My god! Are you going to have your entire arms covered, or just to the elbows?” 

She shrugged softly, turning her arm so Marie could examine the underside. “I’m not sure yet. I was considering getting something across my upper back, because I’ve been bitten by the tattoo bug well and truly. I know you always hated them, so I expect to get an earful of protesting.”  

Her eyes were kind, shaking her head softly. “Nope, Emsy. It’s your body, you do to it as you please. Just because it isn’t my thing, it doesn’t mean it can’t be yours, baby. Besides, they really suit you. Tell me about them, what’s this tree lady looking one here all about?” 

“She’s a dryad.” Emma began, before explaining to her all about the mythology behind it, Marie listening with interest. All the way through, she marvelled to herself at just how alight Emma looked, how she was seeing so much of her character sparked into life, the person she only ever revealed when it was the two of them alone.  

As for Emma, she was revealing the details of her job when suddenly, her voice quivered and she paused. “I’m sorry, I just... I can’t believe we’re back together. I thought I’d never see you again, and you’re right here. I love you, mom.” 

Marie fanned her face, taking a deep breath as her eyes swam with tears. “Love you too, Emsy. I can’t believe it either, darling girl. Look at us. We’re free.”  

“What’s your plan, going forward?” she asked, composing herself, taking a big sip of her coffee.  

Marie widened her eyes a little, pushing the crumbs from the brownie she’d eaten into a small pile upon the plate before her. “Play the part of the heartbroken widow after they find his remains, head back to New York, and put that damned prison he kept us in straight on the market. Too many memories, none of which I want to keep. It’s time to start afresh for us all, isn’t it?” 

Indeed, it was. In the months that followed, the plan devised by Vincent and the club ran its course with perfection, nobody any the wiser that Rocco Lombardi hadn’t been mauled by a bear after the scant pieces of his remains were recovered within the forest. With him gone, Emma was able to exist as a person, Marie was able to move on with her life, a life that included leaving New York behind for a fresh start.  

There was also one little part, or rather now not so little, that Emma could finally reconnect with, too.  

Driving up the tree lined street, Emma’s memory of the place bloomed into full colour, the memories from her childhood all coming back to her. She recognised the houses, some different, some exactly the same, her face breaking into full joy at seeing the huge guy who looked like a quarterback standing outside of the one that definitely hadn’t changed much.  

He looked just like their dad had at twenty-seven. 

Guero had literally only just braked when she flung the door open, jumping from the car and running up the bank of grass outside her grandparents' home, Dylan covering the ground just as quickly, his arms wide. It was an embrace twenty years in the coming, the siblings overjoyed to see one another again after so long, the emotions flooding out as they held one another, laughing and crying.  

“Oh my god, oh my god, look at you!” she cried, holding his face in her hands, stroking his tears with her thumbs. “You look just like dad.” 

He nodded, pulling her close again. “And you look just like mom.” Their hug was near unbreakable, Guero standing back and letting them reunite, leaning against the rental car with a smile. “Gran’s just getting her shoes on.” he then added, turning to see his tiny grandmother ambling as fast as she could, Emma sobbing as Bea held her arms wide.  

“Oh, sweetie pie!” she gasped, Emma falling into her soft hug with a sob. “I never thought I’d live to see the day! Welcome home, welcome home. Heavens, we missed you so much!”  

Dylan moved to assist their grandpa, Wilf waving his hand as he struck his walking cane into the ground. “Ahh, with your fussing, boy! I’m fine!” Reaching Emma, he suddenly stood straighter than his sore back had allowed him to in years, holding his arm out. “Give me some cuddles, babe. God, I missed ya!”  

Snuggling against her grandpa’s shoulder, she wept all over again, his lips pressing a kiss on her forehead. “We got her back, at last we got our gal home. I just wish your mom and pop could be here to see it, too.”  

All four of them stood in a loving huddle for what felt like a very long time, Emma finally calling Guero over to introduce him, where he was embraced just as warmly. They went inside, her grandpa immediately picking up his phone.  

“Family photo time! Now, where in the heck did I put my selfie stick?” He began to rummage, her grandmother rolling her eyes. “Bea! Where’d ya put it?” 

“He’s found Instagram and decided it’s his thing,” she explained, moving to reach behind the couch cushions and retrieve the errant selfie stick. “And he even does those tic-tac videos!” 

“That’s Tik Tok, gran,” Dylan softly corrected, giving Emma a nudge with his elbow. 

“Bah! I don’t know all this new aged, newfangled internet stuff! Disney Plus is about as up to date as I like to get. Now, everybody get in, come on, Guero, you too!”  

Five smiling faces were captured, a moment in time none of them would forget, a family reunited and joined by the person who had found the little lost bird, eventually returning her to the flock from where she’d came so many years before.  

The flock that now surrounded Emma was made up of three different groups, all of them her family, one born into, one taken into, and one found. Merging them was something she looked forward to, but with a little apprehension when introducing her family to the woman she called mom.  

Marie’s move from east to west coast had not been an easy decision to make, but with her only sister already out there and her parents sadly both passed, she had very little to remain on Staten Island for. She was also long done with the stigma of being a now deceased mafia bosses’ wife following her around. It was time for a change. 

It meant her children leaving the only place they’d called home and their friends behind, but her eldest was quick to remind her just how fast children adjust. Getting to run into the arms of the girl they’d thought to be their nanny, who Marie now said they should think of as their big sister definitely helped their relocation, though, when Emma met them at the airport upon their arrival.  

It would be a further three months before Emma’s flock all came together, Marie wanting to throw a housewarming dinner, inviting everyone she was close to from the club, as well as her grandparents and Dylan, plus his new girlfriend. Having explained everything that had happened to her, her family were not in the dark over the bond she and Marie had formed, yet nerves still riddled her as she paced the lounge area of the spacious Orange County abode, Guero right behind her, rubbing tension from her shoulders. 

“Why you bugging?”  

She halted, turning to rub her hands over his smooth arms. “I don’t know, I really don’t! I mean, gran and grandpa were fine about it all, Dylan too when I explained it all to them. I guess I’m just nervous about calling her mom in front of them, don’t wanna upset them or make them think I’ve forgotten Cassie mom when I never will.”  

It had been an emotional moment, back when Dylan had driven them out to the cemetery in Spokane so Emma could visit their parent’s final resting place, the siblings cuddling one another tightly as the elder had cried for all she’d lost.  

Guero was just about to reassure her that he didn’t think that would be the case at all when a call came from the front door, Emma seeing Marie moving to greet her guests in the form of her grandparents themselves. Walking over to do the same, she was presented with a truly heartwarming sight.  

“Beatrice, Wilfred, welcome to my home. I’m so delighted to have you both here,” Marie spoke cordially, offering her hand. Immediately, Bea shook her head. A nervous lump rose in Emma’s throat, for all of two seconds. 

“No, sweetie pie. We’re family, and family hug.” She watched Marie sink happily into the offered embrace looking like she was breathing a sigh of relief, her gran continuing. “Thank you for looking after our precious gal, doing what you could for her, being a mother to her. I’m so sorry for everything you went through because of that man, but I am so grateful to you for trying to make it better for Emma while she was there.”  

“Of course, of course,” Marie tremored, a million memories flashing through her mind’s eye. Secret cuddles, secret gifts, secret cake, secret love. She no longer had to hide any of it.  

Wilf beamed, opening his arms to her next. “You’re a good gal, Marie. I echo everything the wife just said, and this place you got here, holy moly! Is than one of those infinity pools you got out back there?” 

“It is,” she confirmed, kissing his cheek and moving to welcome Dylan and Evie, his girlfriend.  

“Well dang it, I should have brought my trunks, shown off this body of mine to all you ladies!” His joke had everyone in soft fits, Wilf flexing his non-existent biceps with a grin. “What are you laughing at, boy? I look better than you!” he then directed at Guero, who was as usual totally taken by the hilarity of his girlfriend��s grandfather. 

“That’s why I’m glad you didn’t bring the trunks, man. I can deal with that kind of competition.” His statement only provoked further laughter, Marie ushering them into the house to offer further introductions. Emma stood back with Guero to watch it all, this band of people all so different, from so many walks all life, all brought together because of her. Family. Her family. There they were.  

“What you thinking about?” Guero asked, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind, resting his cheek against hers as she leaned back into him.  

“Just how I’ve gotten everything I ever wanted at last. It doesn’t look like I thought it would, but that’s one hell of an amazing family I have right there in all those people.”  

He kissed her cheek with a smile. “You got a really amazing immediate one right here, too. You, me, and this little one.” As he stroked the small, rounded swell of her pregnant belly, she couldn’t agree more. Six months later, their first child joined them, a daughter.

They named her Cassie Marie.  

The End.  

[daddyboyhalo]

Hey! I saw your post where you expressed how you were feeling these days, and I want to give you all my support. I agree that this is a very difficult time, being this involved in something and it being turn around in just a few days, changing everything about it... Personally I struggle a lot with the fact that the other streamers, and mostly communities, are kinda "allowed" in a sense to just continue as it was? It might not be very clear but in a lot of discord servers and all people are not AT ALL up to date to the admins stuff, and are just enjoying their daily qsmp stream. I'm not blaming anyone, every streamer takes the matter how he wished, and playing doesn't mean working on things, but I guess it feels a little unfair in a sense? like Phil saying Chay and Tallulah admins are well and waiting to come back stings a little after seeing pomme and dapper leave :( It's hard to feel happy for this when you have the short end of the stick I guess

And the French might be a little too forceful on the ccs ; they are obviously not ready to talk about it, and waiting to talk to Q, but bagh and antoine still said that they watched the awards. I am quite uncomfortable with everyone assuming they will just leave when most of them didn't even had time to look more into the matter, Antoine being on holidays, baghera on her dance show, and etoiles having health related issues... I'm just afraid that it will put pressure on them while the other ccs are kinda free to not talk about it you know?

But yes, I personally try to focus on my uni work, to go out a little, to watch other content. For me the hardest is definitely the fact that all of this happened while etoiles had to take a break. I'm very happy that he's doing it, since he needed it. But since he is my main streamer since a few years, going from having him in the background for hours and hours to nothing during now three weeks was hard, especially in a time when I wanted to change my mind. I kinda felt like an orphan lmao, and hearing that he a was going to the hospital every day, still made me sad despite it making me happy that he was getting treatment. He wanted to come back soon but a said he had a relapse in his health two days ago :( My only wish right now is to see him get better, and stream when he'll feel well ! But yes it's rubbing me the wrong way that ppl are assuming "etoiles will boycott, he'll do this, that" when the guy is really not well, the qsmp is not is priority at all these days...

Sorry for the long text, but your feelings spoke to me and I also felt the need to vent a little, sometimes it's better than just keeping things for yourself, you are free to ignore this!

Hope it'll get better for everyone <3

-🦦

aw anon no worries, i’m glad you were able to vent here!! ; ; sorry for the late response, i’ve been incredibly busy, but: i agree, i really don’t like when people put expectations and pressure on a cc to take a specific action, ie boycott, especially when they’re going through it outside of the server. it might be that people just don’t realize, because i actually didn’t quite know how etoiles was feeling and struggling since i haven’t been keeping up with his streams for awhile and don’t really use twitter, so i wasn’t aware until i looked into it more. i really wish the best for etoiles and can imagine how that feels with him being your main streamer!! ; ; the person who’s comforted you so much without even realizing it is struggling, and that’s not a good feeling. but i’m glad you’ve been focusing on uni and getting out, focusing on other content, because those are all important coping mechanisms and can make it just a bit less painful! you have my full support too!

and yeah, it really does short when we get the short end of the stick here; i was both comforted that chayanne and tallulah’s admins are doing well and just… i’m not sure of the right word, but bitter knowing that some people were treated well and others weren’t? i also worry with that being the only perspective some people get that they’ll assume that must mean everything is fine when it’s not true. honestly, i wish i was just a casual viewer for example watching qsmp with no knowledge of what’s going on and that my enjoyment could just continue as normal, but instead the burden of knowledge and loss stings and aches so badly. it gets to be business as usual for some but for others it’s this horrible loss and grief, and it causes such a dissonance—“like, do you guys not see the dead and dying on the floor? am i going crazy? why are you walking straight through them?”. don’t mind my own rambling, but yeah anon, we’re in this together :(

[sallow-gaunt]

I really wish the game had given us more Ominis content, like even just one side quest or something because he’s such an interesting character with an interesting background.

What I love about Ominis is while he has moments of being sassy or whatever, he’s not a horrible person - despite the disgusting people who raised him, despite his family history and clear trauma, despite his guilt for what he was forced to do, Ominis is a good person who doesn’t seem to want to hurt others. He’s so determined not to be like the rest of his family - determined to not be the monster they wanted him to be, the monster everyone is expecting him to be because of his surname.

Sebastian and Ominis’ friendship is so beautiful when you consider that upon arriving at Hogwarts as first years, they both had experienced horrible and tragic things in their pasts, and maybe they bonded a bit over it. I honestly think that Anne and Sebastian both valued Ominis and his friendship so much because they all had truly dreadful things happen to them - Sebastian and Anne obviously lost both of their parents when very young, probably before they were seven as they “had no magic yet” (as Ominis said), and according to the Deathly Hallows, “seven is the age by which most experts agree that magic will have revealed itself, if present", and Ominis’ childhood was quite frankly an abusive nightmare.

(There’s some long rambling under the cut, literally just me waffling on and on and on, I’m sorry)

I know there’s been debate about whether Solomon was actually abusive as a guardian or not, at least towards Sebastian, and so it’s more just a theory than canon… but if that was the case, I wonder if the fact both the Sallow twins and Ominis came from at least somewhat toxic homes to Hogwarts played a part in how close they grew. It would explain why the three of them felt like they had a refuge in the Undercroft, somewhere safe they could be, and part of why Ominis got so angry that the MC was invited without it being run by him first - it’s not just a fun secret place to hangout but a safe space, somewhere they can hide and not have to put on a smile for appearances sake in front of the rest of the school, because all three of them understand on some level the feeling of coming from a difficult home life.

I’m not saying Solomon was ever physically abusive or even just abusive in general because, as Sebastian said, Ominis spends his holidays at Feldcroft instead of with his own family, and I don’t think that would be the case if the atmosphere there was overwhelmingly toxic. But even just with the constant arguments and tension between Sebastian and Solomon…whether intentionally or not, it’s mentioned that Solomon has always been angry and it’s possible he has always been extra harsh on Sebastian, perhaps due to resentment at having to look after his brother’s children, and his nephew especially being so like his brother. It wouldn’t be a reach to say that Sebastian might need a place to vent his frustration and anger about his uncle being harsh on him, hence why the Undercroft would be a safe space to him and Anne.

It’s late as I’m writing this and I’m shattered, so I’m expressing my thoughts appallingly badly, but it would be interesting to hear if anyone else has any takes/headcanons on this stuff too.

[mysicklove]

hii i just kinda wanted to vent here if that’s okay,,

lately i had these suspicions that i might be asexual,, despite the fact that i yk read smut and i do enjoy it and all that but for some reason the idea of experiencing it doesn’t appeal to me,, in fact i might even say that “straight” sex (like penetration and like idk oral) with men specifically repulses me (tho other stuff like pegging for example don’t bother me as much), like more specifically the idea of being in one way or another submissive to a man infuriates me (no hate to anyone ofc that’s just an observation i made of myself personally) and idk i feel bad abt it for some reason cuz i feel left out but at the same time i just can’t bring myself to like it at all.. the idea of being with women doesn’t seem repulse me as much like i do like women and i don’t mind the idea of being with them but i feel like most attraction i feel towards ppl in general is almost always surface level (in real life) i think it’s called aesthetic attraction

this is all so confusing and idek what i’m getting at but yeah, like idk if i WANT to be ace cuz like i said i feel left out and i do enjoy consuming nsfw content, i’m a virgin so maybe it’s because of that (that i’m confused abt it) ? (am i gaslighting myself if i say that ?) also like idk if others would wanna be with someone who can’t provide in that category of the relationship ? (also another thing i don’t mind giving but i hate receiving ? which is another piece of lore (💀) i forgot to mention) like sex is sometimes used as a gateway for intimacy and i do crave that kind of connection with ppl,, i don’t wanna be left behind yk ?

anyWAYS that sounded like i’m listing symptoms so i can diagnosed sorry abt that but yeah i don’t really have anyone to talk to abt this so yea !

-🩰

i’m sorry lovely that must be really confusing for you. don’t ever feel the need to put label on yourself, bc that may just cause unnecessary stress. i honestly don’t have any advice 😰 but i am glad you felt comfortable sharing with me. you are always welcome to drop by my inbox, i will always listen. don’t overthink it!! don’t stress over it, although those r both easier said than done. i love u

[multiplicity-positivity]

Hi sorry, I'm not really sure how to start this. I've been questioning being a system for a long time and I'm exhausted. I feel like I'm getting nowhere, I'm not getting any closer to figuring out what's going on with me and it feels so awful. I'm so confused all the time, constantly disassociating, and completely unsure of myself and my identity. I've coped with not knowing for a while but at this point I'm tired of not understanding myself and I'm so distressed about all this I just feel like falling apart. I'm trying so hard to understand if I'm plural or not, or what could possibly be going on but it feels impossible. The more I read about other systems experiences, the more confused I feel? I just wanna understand myself and not feel so disjointed and confused by all my experiences. I'm sorry for venting, it all just feels like too much and I don't know what to do about this. I feel so alone in my search to understand myself and it's getting to be too much.

- @headspacehaunter

Hi! First of all, we are so sorry to hear you’ve been struggling so much lately. It really can be so hard to figure out who you are, especially when you’re having to deal with dissociation and all sorts of other problems that can impact identity and sense of self! Also, you never have to apologize for venting here - we know sometimes just getting something off your chest can help, and we absolutely don’t mind folks venting in our inbox!

Our first bit of advice would be to try to take a step back and breathe. It can be so difficult to figure out who you are and make sense of your identity, and stressing about it a lot can contribute to making things worse! We give this advice often, and it’s helped our own system in the past - if you’re becoming overwhelmed when thinking about the possibility of being a system, or are starting to panic or become unstable due to spending so much time focusing on whether or not you’re a system, that’s probably a good sign that it’s time to take a breather. Maybe try spending a couple days without thinking about plurality too much and just allow yourself to simply… exist as you are, without holding yourself to any sort of invisible or unrealistic expectations.

It’s possible to struggle with dissociation, depersonalization, and identity confusion without being a system! We’d really encourage you to seek therapy if you’re able to - talking to a therapist might be super helpful, as they might have some ideas on how best to help you or at least might be able to connect you with some useful resources or coping strategies. We’re not a therapist or mental health professional, so we can’t provide the aid or benefits that one of these folks could!

Our system believes that anyone who benefits from or feels comfortable with the term “plural” can use it. So even if you’re not sure about whether or not you’re a system, you don’t have to be 100% certain in order to call yourself plural. If it feels right, use it! It’s literally that simple. You don’t have to make sure your experiences align with other plural folks in order to belong in our spaces and be accepted. In fact, comparing yourself to other systems could actually cause a lot of strife and inner turmoil! We don’t recommend for any system to try and compare themselves to other folks, questioning or not. It’s okay if literally no other system shares your experiences - plurality is such a vast and diverse spectrum, and no two systems are exactly alike!

We hope through all of this you’ve been able to meet your needs and take care of yourself. Having unmet needs can exacerbate feelings of anxiety and distress and can amplify uncomfortable symptoms like dissociation and identity confusion. If you have the time, please check out our little self care check up post. Even if you’re not a system, you may benefit from checking in with yourself and trying to prioritize some of your basic needs!

Goodness, we’re sorry this got so long! But there’s one more thing we’d like to say. If you’re struggling to know much about who you are, what you like, your purpose or values, and other things of that nature, you might benefit from advice we like to give to headmates who feel underdeveloped, one-dimensional, or just generally lost and confused about life. And that is… Try New Things!

You might have been struggling to get to know yourself because you haven’t found much that excites or interests you. So why not try learning a new skill? Listening to some new music that you’d never considered before? Watching some different shows or movies or playing some different video games? Going to your local library and checking out a stack of books that pique your interest? Trying your hand at a new art technique you’ve never thought to try? Volunteering with a local organization? Branch out, get outside your comfort zone, and be open to the possibility that something might click with you that you didn’t expect! As long as you’re learning, growing, and/or having fun, it’s okay to do these things as a way to try and forge your own identity, no matter how old you are!

We hope that something we’ve said here could be of some use to you. Remember, it’s okay to take things slow, it’s okay to take a step back and breathe, and it’s okay to just not know! You’re allowed to take your time and even enjoy figuring out who you are and getting to know yourself, plural or not!

Good luck with everything. We really do wish you the very best! Feel free to reach out again if there’s anything more we can do to help you in the future. Take care!

🌷 Corrie and 🐢 Kip