#sorry for this super specific and yet vague rambling

[keithsandwich]

Super specific Astrology note. A Jyotish one. I got myself wondering about Keith's Nakshatra for the past few days and although Mrigasira (the "Deer's Head") would be the obvious choice, I see so much of Rahu / Ketu for them too. I would actually go with Mula, considering Nice Keith's natal chart since he's the Main.

Btw

lol

[wombywoo]

It occurred to me the other day that during Quinn's super turbo trauma story, his neck probably wasn't slashed but choked. And now I have more questions, because somehow I can't stop thinking about your characters. So:

Did Quinn end up having a vision during that event? (Does he get them during every near-death event, or is it more rare than that?)

How the hell did he cope being with Marc? 'Cause I'm about 90% sure that guy would have got off on choking him.

When the taskforce was created, was Quinn still in his relapse where he thought he needed his visions? Did Liz find out? How does he feel about her trying to get him to have more visions? D=

Does Vincent find out Liz is using Quinn like that, and how does he feel about it? (Does Danny find out??)

In fact, how does Vincent feel about the fact an evil vampire caused a mass dragon killing spree and this was Quinn's first vision? I get the feeling that, while Quinn tries to shrug off these coincidences, Vincent is a little more concerned. XD

Also, in your art of Quinn with Marc, the wall says 196 people will die in an ungodly tragedy. Was that the dragon killing spree or another event we have yet to hear of?

Oops. 🙈 Sorry for so many questions! I just want to know all the things. And I can't help but love all your lore drops. <3

Ok!! OK!!!!! You are feeding me so well with these tasty questions auughhh thank you for finding interest in my dumb ramblings !!!!!

There are answers under the cut (warning for some heavy topics, discussion of injuries, domestic abuse, self harm, spoilers for a story that doesn't even exist, etc)

So.

Quinn's throat was slashed. It was cut with a knife, kind of a shaky first slice, but it got deeper and went all the way across; enough force to puncture his trachea, though it didn't sever the vocal cords; he was lying on his back and couldn't move, and honestly..he didn't really feel it at the time. It was all just a very numb, surreal feeling. I won't go into suuuper specifics, but thankfully some pressure was applied to the wound right away, he was resuscitated with cpr, and he was still able to breathe despite some complications to his airway, long enough for him to receive medical treatment.

But he did black out. And he might have seen things.

It's the only vision he's had that he can't remember...

~*waves hands all vague and mysterious like~*oohooohoo

Ok! Visions! So, for the most part, Quinn needs to be medically dead, albeit temporarily, for him to have a vision. Usually, his heart has to stop for one to happen, and he's just lying there, unmoving. Like..dead, dead. This should be a rare event, but uh...he's had more than a dozen visions, I'd say....

The thing is--he always comes back. Even in the worst scenarios (ie. not breathing for more than 5 minutes) he somehow always miraculously revives with minimal repercussions (sure, there's probable brain/heart damage, but it should be way waaay worse) So, he's kind of chalked up this vague 'immortality' thing as a byproduct of the visions...more mystery...

With Marc--yeah. That was just a bad situation all around. A lot of Marc and Quinn's physical relationship revolved around their dangerous power dynamic, so um. yeah. choking was one of the things they messed around with. Quinn actually requested it at the time, out of this twisted self-harm kink he'd developed. (he's, regrettably, the worst at coping with his trauma, so uhhh he feels like he needs to push himself to that same sensation of near death just feel anything at all and uhhh it's not good, you should not do this at home kids, but he feels like strangulation is the closest he can come to feeling alive just for a brief second and yeah he's fucked up he's not good I know..)

It was consensual stuff at first, but after one of their..sessions...Marc pushed it too far, he wouldn't let go and uh. Quinn suffocated and passed out. Marc did manage to revive him, but he...died for a second there. And he had a vision--one of the first dragon attacks in France that would later lead to its occupation by [insert evil vampire terrorist group]. Marc was actually comforting him after, he was just...rubbing him and telling him he was sorry and it was ok, so in the midst of a mental and physical breakdown, Quinn divulged what he saw. And Marc took him seriously, which was also rare. And they talked about it, and...it seemed ok for once.

It was only after that he realized how Marc wanted specific details, stuff he could use to harvest information and push numbers and invest in whatever type of bullshit could make a profit out of tragedy. They carried on with their relationship, but when it came to testing their limits in the bedroom....Marc took it too far again. And Quinn had another vision--a vampire massacre in [specific french location] and 196 people died, and he was crying as he told him how he saw it all from the perspective of a child. Marc seemed eager. He asked him even more questions. But...it was fine. He was still rubbing him, being calm. And Quinn had agreed to the choking. He wanted this. It was actually helping other people if he was able to use this information somehow.

But it happened again. And again. More times... Until eventually Quinn realized he had no say in the matter anymore.

The sad thing was that he convinced himself it was out of love; Marc was very passionate, this was just his way of showing him he loved him....

It became too much...after a while....

ANyway!

So, now we're in the present when Quinn joins the task force with Vincent~

At this point in time, he's gotten help with his mental state so he no longer feels the desperate urge to harm himself and induce his visions (for the most part), and is relatively stable (sure!)

Miss Major Liz is aware of his visions, to a degree. She had mistakenly thought Quinn developed a narcotic problem when she was his CO at some point (yes, he used drugs a few times to induce visions (it was about 50/50 successful)) Most of her awareness had come from Danny, who divulged his part in Quinn's #BFF-bonding-moment4lyfe (ie, forcing his friend to assist in drowning himself. twice) So she does have knowledge of some of the...wackiness.

At this point in our tale, she hasn't done anything about it. Yet. It's a testament to how off the books she works that she hasn't forced Quinn into a psych eval that will surely bench him for the next foreseeable uuhh forever. So she's keeping that on lock.

I do think that [at some point in this potential story of mine] she will consider using Quinn's 'talents' to their benefit. She's a hard lady, not afraid to trade dirty hands for even dirtier handshakes, so there will probably be a time when she wants to take advantage of potential knowledge that can influence her agenda....

Vincent...will not take this lightly.

Honestly, this whole scenario is rife with delicious drama, so I will simmer it on low and ponder it for future conflict in the [insert novel series teehee] to come

Vincent has a lot of feelings about Quinn !!!! and his visions !!! and the evil vampire agenda !!!! Too many feelings!! But all he wants is for his boy to understand that his safety and wellbeing and life are the most important things to him, and none of that is worth trading for a small glimpse at a future that will happen anyway. Quinn...disagrees. This is also teeming with potential drama, you see...

I have a LOT more of this type of speculation, but for now, I will leave you with this dump of lore and trauma for you to sink your teeth into~

Thanks for the saucy and delicious questions <3

[twst-drabbles]

I don’t think this counts as a request because it’s more of a question about a situation that would lead into a total AU of the pet AU lol but if it is a request please tell me so I have a better understanding of what a request is and what just a question is because I’ll admit I’m a little confused on that…

In the pet AU, you’ve mentioned that obviously the Caretaker can’t form a familiar bond with the pets because they don’t have magic of their own. But I am a curious being and as I just literally finished going through all of the AU, I couldn’t help wondering what would happen if the Caretaker suddenly DID develop magic somehow.

Like, if they developed magic and chose to have one of the pets become their familiar, who would they choose?

Or… oooh better yet… what if Caretaker didn’t REALIZE they had developed magic somehow but maybe the pets can sense it? Would all of them be vying to try to form a familiar bond with them? And the Caretaker is just sitting there like “wtf is with all of you lately???” I know with a bond like that the mage at least would probably need to know and agree but the familiar wouldn’t necessarily have to consent *glares at the villains in the sanctuary AU* but maybe the Caretaker loving them all is enough? If so, with the Caretaker not having any idea, and all the pets vying for the title of their familiar, who would win out in the end?

And then I imagine Crowley coming over and he sees his child neighbor not only has magic but now has a familiar and he just passes out in a dead faint and the Caretaker is like “????!!!!!!”

Sorry for the super long ramble. And again sorry if this is more of a request than ask? Like I said I’m not super sure what makes the difference?

(I also wanted to say thank you for writing a person with visible and undeniable depression. I know you have said you have it so the Caretaker’s experiences are probably based off of yours and they are so relatable and it’s comforting to feel seen. Always sucks to know others suffer too, but it’s also nice knowing you don’t suffer alone. So yeah… thanks.)

- 💜

No need to worry, a request is specifically when people want me to write a drabble of what they're asking. Yours is just a question asking for my thoughts, so you're good.

So anyways...

Now if I were to have the Caretaker suddenly have some kind of magic, it wouldn't be a lighthearted affair. The Caretaker, if they knew they developed magic, wouldn't be jumping for joy or simply just shrug their shoulders and go "Well, this is my life now."

The Caretaker would be bitter. Even more bitter than their already bitter self. Because where the hell was this magic when they needed it most? They're already past the age when they're absorbing knowledge like a sponge, and all classes and clubs that are dedicated to teaching people about magic are for kids or for people who are going to use their magic for a professional profession. Places like that already expect people to know the basics by the time they're adults, and no place wants to take the time to teach the Caretaker about these things, so they'll be viewed as someone not worth investing in.

So, simply put, the Caretaker would refuse to use their magic, because to them, there's no point. Any small use of their own magic would remind them of how their body lied to them for years. Had them suffer disappointment after disappointment because of some vague requirement that they somehow don't meet that everyone else was able to meet. That apparently they are so slow that it took this long for their magic awaken when these events were happening to toddlers.

Not only that, but their magic feels like a lie. The Caretaker doesn't believe that this magic is here to stay. It suddenly just appeared one day, it could very well disappear just as quickly. They don't want to get attached to this.

As such, the Caretaker would actually shut down any attempts of the pets trying to be their first familiar.

Now, exploring the different scenario of the Caretaker not knowing they had developed magic, it would be a time of denial that would almost lead to some new self destructive habits. If, say they're cooking one day and a spoon just floated to their hand when they almost dropped it, they won't be looking at the spoon again. And if new utensils keep coming to them, they'd end up avoiding the kitchen altogether and would settle for take-out.

Probably might even scare one of their pets when they start their familiar-courting-ish behaviors. Giving little gift and doing little dances in the hopes the Caretaker would consider them for being a familiar. The Caretaker, once it clicks with them that that's what they're doing, that they meet the requirements to have a familiar, would ask the pets to just, leave them alone. Stop it. They don't want this.

Either way, this is not going to be an easy period for the Caretaker.

Alrighty now that the heavy stuff is out of the way, let's entertain a more lighthearted scenario of after the Caretaker accepts that this magic is here to stay and has integrated it in their daily life. And after Crowley teaches the Caretaker to have better finesse over their magic so they can choose to hide it or use it.

The amount of familiars a mage can have is entirely dependent on how much magic they have and how well they can control it. And, well, having more than one familiar is a burden upon the human body. However!

However... in order to keep the pets from fighting one another for that familiar spot, there is a set schedule for who can be the Caretaker's familiar. A familiar contract can be formed with consent, and it can be broken with consent. There's no limit to how many times a contract can be broken and re-established. As such, there will be times when Ace is the main familiar, or Deuce, or Jack, or Ortho, or Riddle or anyone really! So long as they follow the schedule. There's no risk for the pets since contracts are just a means of getting their bigger forms quicker and forming a closer emotional bond with their Caretaker.

But of course, there will be little shitheads that will want to hog the spot for longer than is set, but they have to let someone else take their turn in the end because they don't want to make the Caretaker angry. Just imagine Leona burying Ace under sand because it's his turn but you can't re-established the contract if you can't find him.

[m0ssycobblestone]

Thinking about a Trigun au I made a while back that is super self indulgent with a side of projection /pos

I called it the Stale Donuts AU after the donuts I would sometimes get from H-E-B as a kid that, as far as I can remember, were always vaguely stale.

It is at its core, a modern AU–Cryptid Vash–Vashwood story hybrid hodgepodge thing that was also!!! Very much inspired by multiple fics I had either read or was reading at the time!!! And of course full of yummy delicious self indulgence and self projection with bits of me spread throughout like the stale donuts thing!!! Yippee!!!!!!

On to the bits and bops of the au itself in a very rambling way (I'm sorry):

Wolfwood is Mexican American and the main pov of the thing. He lives in an apartment with Livio, who's going to the local college (go girl go, get that higher education ✨). Wolfwood drives a motorcycle because why wouldn't he BUT he ALSO owns a motorcycle place where you can get shit repaired and customized an shit like that (I don't know vehicle things ITS A COOL IDEA I DONT KNOW IF ITS ACCURATE). Meryl also probably works there with him, because in my mind I can't for the life of me separate the thought of Meryl and driving things probably because I watched Stampede first but that's besides the point—we're ignoring that. Livio, Wolfwood, Meryl, and Milly were all friends in highschool (maybe they were in a shitty band?? That's a thought for a different day) and stayed friends into their adult lives (they all care about each other so much guys). ALSO this whole thing takes place in Texas, so AT SOME POINT one of them worked at Whataburger and one of them worked at a DQ I don't know WHO WAS WHERE but at LEAST ONE OF THEM I SWEAR.

Anyways

On his way to the motorcycle shop, Wolfwood passes the H-E-B and has to drive over a short bridge. Guess where he finds Vash.

One day he's coming home from work, and as he's crossing over the bridge he suddenly stops because JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING. Illuminated by the motorcycle headlights, a large, feathered...something startles and crawls over the edge with a sound of pain, leaving behind a trail of blood. Yippee!! Vash makes an appearance!! Of course Wolfwood's freaked the fuck out by the bleeding thing under the bridge, yet for some reason he follows it anyway (I haven't really thought of anything except hey that thing looked kinda hurt and Melanie raised him with compassion ig so)(and I love stupid men). He sees that this giant bird is 100% actually kinda injured (imagine getting hit by a car) and manages to calm it down enough to help it out at least a little, but he's also kinda on his way home and can only see with a flashlight, so there's not much he can do. He does toss it a snack he found hidden in his jacket tho. After that whole cryptid nonsense, Wolfwood stops at H-E-B! (YIPPEEE!!) Livio sends him a text. "You should totally get me a donut from the bakery"

"Still can't believe you actually like those" he sends back, still getting a plain glazed for himself. He offhandedly wonders if the bird thing would like donuts.

The next morning, now armed with a first aid kit, he buys a donut and stops at the bridge, hoping the creature from before is still there. Oh hey look, the creature from before! Now that it's daytime, Wolfwood can clearly see that yeah, that thing is definitely hurt. He says hi, and the creature seems to recognize him from the night before, but still won't let him get close enough to fully see anything other than feathers and old scars. Donut time!! The perfect distraction!!! I don't know what kind of injuries Vash has, but whatever it is Wolfwood manages to patch it up at least a little bit while he's munching on the donut. I like to imagine he's at least a little bit good at caring for animals (specifically birds) because Tristamp Wolfwood taking care of Thoma chicks makes me ill (/pos) so uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh chickens. And maybe like, a cockatiel for fun. Miss Melanie had chickens and a cockatiel that the kids would help take care of. It ends up becoming a routine where Wolfwood stops at the bridge to chill with the bird cryptid every morning and evening. Eventually he ends up telling Livio, Meryl and Milly about Vash. He also very quickly figures out that Vash has human level intelligence and isn't just a giant freaky animal and Vash manages to communicate what his name is!!! Yippee!!!

In this Vash has the Big Bird™ cryptid form and a normal human one, but can't switch between them when he's injured (like being hit by a car) so it's really great that this random human guy is helping him out.

The first time Wolfwood sees Vash de-birdified is hilarious because he goes to the bridge like normal and sees feathers everywhere, no giant bird in sight, and a vaguely familiar naked blond man chilling in the middle of it all. As soon as he sees Wolfwood, his face lights up and he starts excitedly waving.

"Wolfwood!"

"Needle Noggin?!"

"Look I'm all better!!"

Plot wise, no fuckin clue where it goes from here, vibe wise fuck it we ball. All I know is hijinx ensues and it's great fun all around YIPPEEEEEEE!!!

I think that's all I got for now, might post more if I think of anything✨✨✨

[izzysarchivedblogs]

@thefleetsfinest -> i am not sorry at all to anyone, i am going to be obsessed and binging these two -> no seriously im gonna lovingly be a menace to mel about them forever -> [continued]

The nerves are NOT FOR THE DATE; or well, they were about it, but had nothing about the gentleman she would be meeting. He was fine, and wasn't too weird about setting up a date. Linda hates idea of ratings and scales, but he was maybe a five or a six. Not very high, but it was the internet and she couldn't judge through a phone. So she was giving it a shot.

There are NERVES, but they come from the fact she still has NO IDEA what she's doing with herself. Why DID she ever let the Sorcerer Supreme and Jane Foster, Asgardian goddess or whatever she was these days, TALK HER into dating at all?

SHE LIKED HER LIFE ⸻ most of her days and nights spent in a nurse's uniform in her private clinic, most of the friends she did have being the superheroes she treated, and she liked that. AND OKAY ⸻ some days were more lonely than others when she went home and rough days could be draining. THAT WAS NORMAL.

Her social life was fine, and she had Leonard! He's been incredible. Helping with the clinic itself as a doctor, to being company around this place and a fast friend; to bringing in sweet tea and letting her get little lost in his eyes as she sipped tea and listened. Everyone loved his dog, Luna, coming into the clinic and hanging out. He works well with supers and powered alike. You had to be a special kind of caring, along with vaguely threatening and tough when a patient need a nudge. The Hawkeyes and a handful more come to mind.

He's incredible.

There's a lot more about Leonard. . . . SIGH.

SHE FEELS SILLY GOING ON THIS DATE. Her second since she broke up with Stephen years again, and now she does see the problem in that. THERE'S WHERE THE NERVES ARE COMING FROM. Linda feels silly even presenting herself, she knows she looks good or fine; Linda knows she was a beautiful woman in her forties and dresses were fitting on her, always liked being soft and feminine.

YET ⸻ now she was standing in front of Leonard, in her sundress, shoulders exposed and hair down. HE DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING ⸻ AND THAT GIVES HER BUTTERFLIES. Linda can't help the involuntary urge to brush part of her hair back, tuck behind her ear and over her shoulder. To which she does do.

It's the fact that he was staring at her, HIM LOOKING AT HER. Oh, those were the jitters she was suppose to be having. BEING SEEN FOR THE FIRST TIME. Take someone's breath away, and than it's Leonard, he's looking at her. Her smile on her face is genuine, a real smile because those were feelings one gets when they want to be seen, to be noticed. Jitters, because she wants to be pretty for her date and she's FEELING THEM NOW.

She's applied sunscreen, but maybe she should have gone with a sunhat or covered shoulders. . . . YOU LOOK DOWN RIGHT STUNNIN' ⸻She laughs soft, fluttery and she is a little nervous. feeling shy, ❝ Hush, maybe I should have gone with a sun hat if we are outside; it'd be rude to wear sunglasses and I put on sunscreen. . . . But. . . . ❞ Like she was actually worried about skin cancer. She's stalling.

LOOK PERFECT JUST THE WAY YER ARE ⸻ She knows she was stalling, rambling on herself with fussing about the sun, the dress, hat or not hat. She did her hair half up for this. ⸻ Who was she seeing again? And why wasn't it Leonard?

He really had been an amazing additional to the Network and specifically her clinic. There had been worry he was slowly burning himself at both ends, two jobs with one being paid and than this free private clinic being all volunteer, but she really didn't have time to voice that concern with him; as if Linda didn't burn at her ends either.

LET'S FACE IT I'M A LOST CAUSE A' THIS POINT.

Now hold on, ❝ No, no you aren't. ❞ That was silly, and no way was one date equating to a social life. OH! That should have been one of her counter arguments when Stephen had been teasing her about having less of a social life than he had ("well, that's because you're a man-whore" had really been the sentiment she wanted to respond). ❝ You aren't a lost cause at all, you'll be next ⸻ you're still finding your feet here. You'll find them and get there. ❞ Her gaze softens as she looks at him, a smile offer and Linda does mean that. Just don't go too far away when you do.

Leonard was in no way a lost cause, and Linda had seen a lot in her life that could have been. He was no way near that, and maybe he was a little lost but who hasn't been? There's plenty of days she doesn't feel enough and then on that thought; Leonard would find his way. They were friends now, and she believed in him. Had she mentioned she thought he was handsome and incredible?

Linda's short heels click on the linoleum floor, crossing over to where Leonard was standing behind their front desk counter. GO ON GET GOING ⸻ Linda goes to pull him into a half hug as her goodbye and thank you. Those butterflies still there, inhale and exhale, oh gosh. ❝ For the record, your prattling on is always welcome. ⸺ Okay, okay, I'm going and I'll talk to you later, alright? ❞

She'll definitely text him after the date, tell him all about it if it went as horrible as her last one or if it went well enough. Linda doesn't really predict it going anywhere, but she'd try getting back out there at the very least. It'd be good for her well being. SHE'LL BRING HIM BACK SOMETHING. Treat him to some good food picked up on her way back, it really was the least she could do until she could figure out more she could do FOR HIM.

❝ Thank you, Leonard. ❞ And she was out the door for her date. That thank you for him meant a lot; and Linda had never envisioned her being Night Nurse going on to become what it was today. He was invaluable addition to that. The clinic was in safe hands, his hands.

Mhh, his hands.

[chokisnumber1fan]

reblogging this at 2 am so my thoughts are SUPER incoherent and very offtopic and tangential, sorry about that </3

this is such a good analysis of nagi's possible backstory! and while i haven't read past the BM v MC match yet, to me this gives a lot more depth to the relationship that nagi and reo have. i might be delusional since nagi is one of my favourites and also since i don't know much about the later chapters other than a really vague direction but i think this serves as a good reminder that neither nagi nor reo are inherently 'bad' or take up an antagonistic role— they are just two boys that got too codependent and need some space away from each other to develop on their own.

i see a lot of people jump to antagonising either nagi or reo, or judge their duo as a good/bad one, but imo it's more important to view them from a more neutral lens since this isn't just about football or just about their personal lives outside of it— we can see just how much their 'personal' affects their 'field relationship' and vice versa.

from here on out i'm probably straying from the main point that OP is trying to make, so you've been warned!!!

also, if we were to assume that nagi is indeed one of the neglected to some extent kids— then i believe that chris and agi could truly have done better with how they handled nagi. it's pretty obvious that nagi is heavily dependent on reo, but instead of cutting reo out entirely they could have trained the two of them together in a way that allows them to still play together but not be completely dependent on the other. but then again i can see why this would be a much harder task to pull off because of their respective goals and their feelings towards each other (more specifically, reo's feelings towards nagi) that would definitely get in the way. like, reo is entirely capable of scoring goals on his own but he chooses not to because his main objective has always been to assist nagi— and because of this, nagi's had everything handed to him on a silver platter by reo. their formation served them well in the initial stages of blue lock but it's falling apart now, in major part because it was mostly an emotionally driven formation, which makes it a lot easier to predict especially if you're someone like isagi who knows them and their relationship.

nagi and reo are somewhat unique in that their struggles are against their own inherent natures and pasts and not because of them lacking in some sort of skill or whatever. nagi doesn't have the drive to do anything unless he has a solid goal that he wants to reach— he just won't bother putting in effort it (just like OP mentioned).

reo is willing to give nagi the attention and validation he needs; and while this was fine in the beginning, you could say he's almost starting to smother nagi now— almost mirroring the relationship reo has with his own parents, ironically enough. it's gotten to the point where reo cannot be trusted as a narrator since he let his feelings distort the words that nagi really said to him at the start of the second selection. he projected his worst fears regarding nagi and made them true in his mind. i think that reo has a problem with idolising and devoting himself to people to the point of detriment, especially to himself.

lord help me i have rambled so much about this, honestly i don't think i'm even making any sense right now. i feel like that deranged connect the dots meme man right now. somehow this all links up and makes sense in my head so i hope my disorganised addition to OPs post will somehow telepathically make sense to anyone else reading this too 🙏🙏🙏👍👍

I have this foreboding feeling that while we are prepared for Sae's and Shidou's backstory, Nagi's backstory is going to sneak from behind and punch us in the gut.

No, I don't think it's going to be straight up depression like Kaiser's, but I do think that it'll hit close to home.

You see, Nagi got Laissez-faire parents which means they never really interfered with his life. Like, these type of parents—as I have read on some websites—will basically set their child free and let them do whatever they want with no or very few rules/restrictions. They will not tell you, "Oh! You should do this!" or "Oh! You shouldn't do this!" They will simply let you figure out your life all by yourself.

I'm not an expert on this and I'm not calling this type of parenting bad in any way. Every child is different with different needs, and I'm sure there are many who grew up in this kinda family and liked this parenting method. However, I do think that Nagi didn't like it that much, and I got two reasons to think this way:

1. "That's nice."

When Reo said that his family constantly meddles in his life, Nagi's immediate reaction was, "That's nice" instead of being surprised or disgruntled. If Nagi really liked his parents NOT meddling in his life, then he should've said something like, "Really!? Sucks to be you, Reo. I can't imagine living a life like that!"

You getting me?

Also, we all know how Nagi is—he definitely feels that telling someone to do or not to do something is a hassle, so he, probably, feels that if someone is doing all this for you, then you are important for them.

And before any one says, no, I don't think Nagi was tying up his tongue thinking, "They are his parents. They wouldn't want anything bad for their own child, right? I shouldn't say anything against them and should say good things about them just to be safe." I don't think he has this kind of filter in him.

2. "Don't die ."

So, why would you not want someone to die? Of course, because you care for them and want them to be with you.

"Want"

That's really what I'm tryna highlight.

It's a pretty common knowledge that some children are just naturally more independent while others are a bit more dependent and seek guidance from the elders. Considering Nagi's first reaction to knowing about Reo's parents' meddling, I think that Kiddo!Nagi falls into the latter category—someone who likes to be guided and helped by the adults. Now, place Kiddo!Nagi with his Laissez-faire parents... You are getting where I'm going with this one?

That's why I think that Kiddo!Nagi, probably, thought that his parents didn't love him/care for him. And what happens if someone doesn't love you or care for you? Yeah, they don't care if you die which, somewhat, explains why Older!Nagi was happy to hear, "Don't die [before us (probably)]" from his parents.

I have already talked about his potential backstory before too, so it was actually when I heard he had longer bangs as a child that made my head turn to him again—something felt odd.

I understand that having long bangs is not a big deal—Niko's bangs literally cover his eyes, but having it as a kid is way different, y'know. Once you are like 12-13, you somewhat become capable of doing your own hair and clothes by yourself, so you can manage whatever aesthetics you prefer. However, for a kid younger than that, it's the parents' responsibility to look after his/her hair and clothes, and we all know that long bangs are quite bothersome—blocks our vision, sometimes stabs the eyes, and even irritatingly itches the nose.

All in all, till his backstory drops, I'd firmly believe that he was, though unintentionally, a neglected kid—at least, emotionally.

Now I can't get this image out of my head where Kiddo!Nagi is longingly staring at other kids in a park where everyone is learning things like riding a bicycle or maybe playing baseball and stuff with their parents while he is just.. there, probably, all alone.

[beyondspaceandstars]

Fireworks

Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: mentions of anxiety, mental health, angst, worry (but happy ending!) Summary: The sound of fireworks in the middle of the night shakes Bucky awake so you try your best to comfort him. A/N: a little fourth of july fic inspired by my own dislike for fireworks but it works well here i think!

Masterlist

You awoke suddenly when you realized something was off. You were alone in the normally shared bed.

You had just barely registered this when you went to cuddle into Bucky but ended up finding, well, nothing. Nothing except for his half of the comforter that smelled like him. You frowned, forcing your tired eyes open in worry.

Frantically, in the dark, you sat up and searched for any sign of Bucky. You were really hoping he went to use the bathroom and you were just a paranoid girlfriend but then you heard a sniffle. It was so faint but you knew you had heard it. And it was coming from the…floor?

You peaked over on Bucky’s side and sure enough, there was your boyfriend shaking in fear on the floor. Heart-wrenching tears filled his eyes. A cheap blanket covered his lap. He barely looked up at you for a second before turning away, shoulders drooping in shame.

“Bucky?” You asked, worried beyond belief. “Is everything okay?”

He kept his eyes trained on the wall adjacent to the bed. “Yeah,” Bucky answered, weakly, “I’m fine. Go back to bed, sweetheart. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

You ignored his dismissal and raced off the bed. You knelt in front of him but Bucky still wouldn’t look at you. “What happened?”

But then that’s where you heard it. The unmistakable boom of fireworks.

Brows furrowed in confusion, you looked over at the clock which was reading just a few minutes past midnight. On July 4th. Your heart sank. You had completely forgotten what day was upon you.

“The fireworks…” you sighed. “Bucky, I’m sorry, I forgot-,”

Bucky shook his head. “There’s nothing you could do, honey.”

“I-I could’ve stayed up with you or-or-,”

He cut off your panicked rambling by placing his hand in yours. Bucky finally looked at you - really looked at you - and your heart shattered. He looked so exhausted yet panicked. Sad but angry. And as if on some super cruel cue, another firework exploded in the sky, lighting up your shared bedroom in a flash. Bucky winced.

You sighed. “I really can’t do anything for you?”

“Just…” Bucky took a deep breath. “Just stay with me. Please.”

Wordlessly, you nodded and sat on the floor next to Bucky. He had a blanket situated on his lap which he offered half of it to you. You accepted and snuggled into him as another explosive pop rang from outside.

After a moment, Bucky surprised you and spoke again. “You know, I used to love fireworks.”

You hummed, curling your arm around his bicep, hugging him. “Yeah?”

Bucky nodded, now staring towards the window which was suddenly lit up by another display. "I and Steve liked to go watch fireworks," he explained. "We’d go for his birthday and, wow, how they would light up the night. I thought it was the coolest thing ever when we were kids. The city put on some crazy shows."

"I’m sorry they’re not so fun anymore," you mumbled, completely unsure of what to actually say. Glimpses into Bucky’s life before the incident were so rare but you tried to treasure every one of them. It probably didn’t help in the slightest that his brain correlated Steve with fireworks. When was your boyfriend going to catch a break?

But Bucky just shrugged, shaking his head slightly. "What about you?" He changed the subject. Natural deflection. "Do you like fireworks?"

"I never really hated them but they did use to annoy me," you admitted. "Mainly because they’d scare my dog and that always made me upset."

Bucky let out a light chuckle which caught you by surprise. You held his gaze for a moment, shooting him a small smile before the moment was crushed by another firework exploding in the sky. You groaned.

"Why do people do this?" You huffed. "I get it, it’s the fourth of July, but it just hit midnight. Is it even legal around here?"

"You going to rat them out if it’s not?" Bucky teased.

You playfully rolled your eyes. "Maybe," you shrugged. "If that’s what it takes."

Another boom rang out and Bucky shifted towards you. "I’m sure they’ll be done soon," he said to you but it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself. "They can’t go all night, right?"

"You might be underestimating the American spirit."

Boom! Pop!

Bucky sighed in annoyance with each electrifying sound. "Yeah, you may be right."

That was enough for you. Just sitting here with him wasn’t really cutting it. You needed to do more.

"Maybe we should get out of here," you suggested. Bucky looked at you, confused, so you explained, "I read somewhere once that it may help to be farther away from the firework displays. Off in nature or something like that."

"I’ll take any suggestions you have at this point," Bucky admitted something shined in through the windows of the room. You were quite relieved he was willing to do more than sit on the floor. Not to mention he was actually letting you help him. You gripped Bucky’s hand tightly and you two stood up.

Foregoing any proper attire besides your everyday pajamas, you two packed some water and snacks before heading to your car. Bucky let you take the reins with driving which you didn’t mind. You only had a vague idea of a place on the outskirts of town that would work but, at this point, driving anywhere away from the chaos of the neighborhood was totally fine with both of you.

You drove about thirty minutes out of town until you hit an open woodland area. It seemed like some normal forest grounds filled with hiking trails but the specifics didn’t really matter. What it really offered was a lack of fireworks. Sure, some could be heard in muffled fashion and even seen way off in the distance, just above the tree line, but they were no longer right next door. You looked over at Bucky who was taking in the area. He already looked much more relaxed.

"This is nice," he commented.

You smiled and turned off the car. You two grabbed water from your packed bag. "I’m glad you like you," you said. "I was kind of worried there’d be campgrounds of tourists lighting more displays but it seems like we’re in the clear."

Bucky nodded slowly as he took a sip of water. His eyes were looking around lovingly at the trees. He even watched a few fireworks lighting up the sky back towards town. The sound was reduced greatly making it just a pretty mirage of colors. Even you were getting into it.

"Thank you," Bucky whispered.

You frowned. "Of course, Bucky. I just wanted to help."

"Y-You shouldn’t have to, though-,"

You shook your head insistently. "Don’t. I wanted to help. I’m so glad you’re feeling better out here."

"God," Bucky sighed, "what would I do without you?"

You let out a light laugh. "You wouldn’t know this cool forest existed."

Bucky agreed, "I guess that’s true." A beat. "But in all seriousness, sweetheart, thank you. I’m actually beginning to enjoy this Fourth of July."

"We could come back here later," you thought out loud, "and bring food for a picnic or something. That could be both fun. And certainly, keep us out of the action."

"I think that could be perfect," Bucky mumbled and looked over at you. When your eyes met, your boyfriend didn’t hesitate to lean in, stealing a kiss from you. You smiled, pulling him in for just one more.

This could even be a make-out spot, you thought. Picnics. Make-out. Lack of colorful explosions. Maybe a new Fourth of July tradition was in the making for you two.

[missroller15]

A very special date night

ok, here it finally is! I’m sorry about the delay but I got it finished and I’m actually pretty nervous to post this but here goes, I hope you all enjoy it <3333

________________________________________________________________

Finally.. It was date night. EJ and Gina couldn’t be more hyped to finally get their time together. 

Due to busy schedules (EJ in college and Gina with highschool, theater, etc.), time alone just got cut shorter and shorter. They decided enough was enough and planned for one day a month where they could both simply be together but of course, to make things a bit more interesting, one of them would choose the location while the other got to choose the meal or place to eat. 

This month, EJ was choosing where they’d go but the thing is… Gina truly had no clue what he could be planning. Usually, he’d drop a huge obvious hint but assume he didn’t just reveal but this time around, no hints or anything. 

The day finally came, a bright Friday afternoon. The sunlight beamed through Gina’s window as she yawned while stretching her arms out. Still in the process of waking up, she suddenly heard a buzz come from her phone.  

Hey, G. Sorry, I couldn't text sooner! I’m at the zoo with Big Red so I won’t be home most of today. Enjoy some of the breakfast saved in the fridge and get your game face ready for tonight with my cuz ;) 

Before Gina could respond, a second message came in putting a stop to all her suspicions. 

 And nope, can’t answer any questions! Anyways, have fuuuuun 

She let out a long sigh, so many questions rushing through her mind and the only way she could think of putting them to rest for the moment was by focusing on something else so the girl sluggishly got up and went to shower. 

 Once she was out, most of her impending questions had settled (not all were gone, to be clear though) and as she walked downstairs, yet another message came except not from Ash this time.

From EJ: Ready for one of the greatest date nights ever, babe? ;) 

A smile grew on her face as she headed to the door and found EJ waiting outside beside his car. He was leaning against it, specifically by the passenger side, most likely waiting for Gina to arrive so he could open the door for her like the incredible sweet boyfriend he is. Blush spread across her face as he noticed her coming out. 

“So, am I still not allowed to ask questions?” she joked once they were both sitting inside the car. 

“I mean, of course but this is gonna be an interesting date and honestly I’m curious to see your reaction without any ideas..” he explained as they drove. Gina raised an eyebrow but kept her thoughts to herself. While they sat in a comfortable silence, she started to try and contemplate where they could be going. The biggest hint she had was Ashlyn’s text but even then, with how vague it was, she still remained puzzled. 

Just then when they arrived, all that curiosity disappeared from her mind and she finally realized what she meant by getting her game face ready. They were about to play Laser Tag. 

As they walked in, she couldn’t help but already feel her adrenaline start to rush. She finally realized what Ash meant when she said to get her game face ready and Gina was going to do just that. 

The teams were selected by random and EJ already had their names filled out on the form so now all they had to do was wait for the announcer to begin calling out names. Gina and EJ anxiously but even more excitedly stood waiting for the announcement to come already with their hands interlocked. 

As they stood waiting, EJ leaned over to whisper something into Gina’s ear sending a chill down her back. “Just know, that if we’re on a different teams and I beat you, I will like you just the same as I do at this moment.” 

Gina scoffed at the comment and looked him dead in the eye, trying to stifle her laughter. “Don’t try to intimidate me, babe.. It’s not gonna change anything, I got my game face on now and it stays till I win.” 

He jokingly rolled his eyes at the snarky reply. Before he could respond, the announcer finally came on. 

“Ok ok ok, let’s do this! So excited to kick-off the first laser tag game of the day and as most of you already know how this goes, blah blah blah be safe. Once you’re hit, you’re done for a good ten minutes. Now anyways, now back to teams..” he quickly rambled. 

Gina glanced over at EJ who just gently squeezed her hand while they expectantly waited to hear the team names. 

“Alrighty then, let’s begin… for team red, EJ Caswell…” he started, considering the teams only consisted of six players for this round, it didn’t take long to name all the players and before they knew it, it was already time for the blue team. 

Since Gina’s name wasn’t called out for the red team, it was obvious she’d be a part of the blue team meaning that they were going to go against each other. To be honest, the idea of being able to hold the win over the other’s head enticed them both.. A lot more than they liked to admit.

The teams began to disperse and head to the main room for setting up. While in there, this time EJ shot a glance at Gina, who was zipping up her dark blue vest. She turned for a second to wink at him before returning her attention back to her team. 

EJ did the same and not too long after, the whispers and small talk went silent as everyone’s laser guns began beeping and flashing most likely because they were being turned on while the lights dimmed down. The announcer came on one last time soon after.  

“Players, prep time is over… the doors to the laser tag area are now unlocked and you may enter. Let the games begin.” 

Everyone immediately separated and went to find hiding spots. Gina immediately knew the second level was the place she needed to be. As she navigated through the dark space, something felt off… almost as if she felt a presence following behind her. 

“It’s probably just your nerves, don’t break focus”, Gina muttered under her breath. Soon enough, she began to turn a corner, that feeling came back again. She immediately began dashing and ended up finding a small pitch dark corner to hide in right by the stairs she was finding to the second level in the first place. 

Just as Gina thought, once she slipped behind the corner someone came not long after and it didn’t surprise her one bit who it was. 

“Aw man, I lost her.” EJ groaned in frustration. Gina bit the inside of her cheek to contain her laughter at seeing the poor green eyed boy mope. 

The fun ended though as he started to explore the area and he began getting dangerously close to her corner so she did the only reasonable thing a person would do if they felt threatened. 

While his back was turned, she took the opportunity and leaped onto his back. He immediately toppled over and Gina had the upper hand for the moment. Gina clapped her hand over his mouth before he could start yelling for help. 

“Shhh.. don’t fight it.” she whispered softly leaning in closer. Now she hadn’t planned for this part of the plan but he was right there.. one little peck wouldn’t do anything. 

As she slowly removed her hand from on top of his mouth, her body went into shock when he went in for the kiss. She didn’t even think twice once her brain started to function again and reciprocated. 

Her hand gently released its tight grip on the gun and Gina’s focus finally broke. They broke apart after about 30 seconds to take a breath but then Gina heard something that made her blood run cold. 

Her vest was beeping and so was her gun. 

She looked at EJ, who had a satisfied smirk resting on his face. “I thought you knew this, G. I play to win.” He said so while holding his red glowing gun up. 

Gina, shocked and possibly just a bit impressed, remained speechless. He played her at her own game and won?! Gina wasn’t gonna let this go, there was still a chance and she wasn’t going to waste it. 

In the ten minutes that Gina was out, EJ knew she would be out to get him and only him. He played an extremely dangerous move by playing Gina like that but it’s obviously what she was planning for him so if anything, at least she’ll know now that he knows most of the tricks up her sleeve. 

What scares him though is what she has left… 

Within a couple seconds, he manages to find one of his teammates and the two stuck together for a couple minutes. They found a good spot and chilled for a second after all the navigating and running. 

“So, the girl that’s currently out.. She’s your girlfriend, right?” the boy said, he looked around 14-15 but EJ couldn’t exactly tell.

“Yep and once she’s back in, we’re gonna need to hide really well.” he warned, followed by a chuckle. “You really think she’s gonna be that furious?” 

Poor kid. He really doesn’t know what she’s capable of, he thought to himself. “Oh yeah, she’s gonna be infuriated. Don’t worry though, she’s probably gonna come for me only. We’re just super competitive like that. It runs in our blood.” 

EJ glanced back to see the kid terrified. “O..k.” he let out. The conversation didn’t go much further but at least before they split off, EJ did manage to get across the fact that he was only joking. 

After a while of walking, he checked his watch and realized that Gina would be out any second. Just as he thought, not a minute after checking the time, a beep came from the speakers signaling that a player would be entering the game.. It was about to get a whole lot more dangerous than before. 

Once she was out, Gina knew exactly what EJ would be thinking.. He knew that he was her main target and that’s what he needed to get out of his head. 

So, Gina put her focus on getting his teammates out first, with the help of hers as well of course. If she was being fully honest, she really did not expect to work as well with her team as she did. They were just as cunning and competitive. 

This made Gina’s plan that much easier to complete. While waiting out her ten minutes, she had concocted a pretty simple but effective plan. 

Her teammates and some of the opposing team members were actually everyday regulars here at the lasertag so they knew the routes and pathways that the others would take. With this information, it was decided that they’d take care of their own personal friends and get them out while Gina was left to find EJ and get him out. 

Yes,it was simple but if Gina was going to win, all she needed was for it to be efficient. 

Not much time was wasted, once she got out. The beeper signaling that players were out began to go off every couple of minutes, she quietly counted while swiftly moving through the area. Out of the corner of the eye, she saw something from behind. No way, she was turning her back this time. 

She quietly and carefully walked back to the spot where she noticed something and immediately let out a breath of relief at seeing a kid resting back in the corner, his eyes shut tight. “It’s fine, it’s fine. I’ll tell you where he is. Just please don’t tell him I told you. I can be out, it’s ok, I-” 

“Ya know, kid. I actually kinda like you for that but what did EJ tell you?! Did you really believe I was seriously out to murder him, it’s just our thing.. Don’t worry and well, if we’re bargaining here.. The best I can do is you give me EJ’s location and I’ll give you an extra ten minutes to go hide.” she explained, holding her hand out to seal the deal. 

He looked down a bit worried but shook nonetheless. He quickly whispered where he thought EJ would be hiding and ran away within a second after. 

Gina followed his instructions and slowly crept up to the second level of the arena. She knew that kid gave it up way too easily and there was no harm in being cautious so she walked towards the spot that the kid described as quietly as possible. 

Once she was there, she looked around but not carefully enough because now she was back to square one when she heard his voice. “Well, looks like my plan worked. I’m just so touched with how well you’re taking this, G.” 

“Aww Eej, you think you’re really gonna end up winning”, she started, as she turned and began slowly walking towards the proud boy, “-tsk tsk, you’re too good and naive for your own good, babe. 

EJ furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and ever so slightly,let his guard down. Rookie mistake, Gina thought as she jumped towards EJ again. He saw it coming and dodged the attack but ended up causing Gina to trip over his foot. 

She yelped at the collision with the floor. Pain shot through her wrist as she sat back up. Within a second EJ was already at her side, helping her stand. “Maybe we got a little too intense with the game..” he joked, walking to the arena exit with Gina. 

“Ya think?” she laughed, while gently massaging her palm and wrist area. Once they made it, the two returned their gear to the set-up room. There was still about a half hour of laser tag left but it was obvious, the game was done for today. 

Even if their initial idea got cut short, that didn’t mean the day was over. As EJ and Gina walked to the car, they couldn’t help but continuously chitter and chatter about all that occurred. From Gina’s surprise attack on him to EJ’s interesting conversation with the young boy. 

By then, Gina’s wrist had relaxed and the pain toned down. While they drove, the chitter chatter turned to a comfortable silence. It was just that time where words didn’t need to be said anymore. The glances, little laughs here and there, it was just really nice. 

The drive didn’t take too long and before they knew it, they’d already arrived at Ashlyn and Gina’s place.  

“So.. we’re here. Look, I’m sorry about the wrist thing and I just got a little too into it, you see when I-” His rambling got cut short by Gina pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. 

“Hey, it’s alright. It was just a game and it’s not like the day is over yet, I’d like to use up all the time I have with you today.” she smiled after breaking off the kiss. EJ proceeded to continually caress her cheek as she spoke. 

“Ok. This time, you name it though.” 

Gina decided on a movie night to end the day. 

Honestly, this month’s date night wasn’t the most planned and perfect but that’s what made it all the more fun. Both EJ and Gina couldn’t wait for the next to see what surprises were in store.

[c-is-for-circinate]

do you have a favorite god to get boons from in hades? (mines is dionysus, he always manages to give me good boons like the bestie he is)

Dionysus is a super chill bro and I support you :)  He is a ton of fun to run into, and status effects are always clutch.  Some of his higher-level boons are awesome, too.  (Looking at you, Dionysus/Zeus duo boon that can just wipe out whole swathes of the field with a Festive Fog lightning storm.)  Also, he recently proposed we prank Orpheus together, and I died laughing.  (My friend​, who is not playing the game but is hearing me ramble about it A LOT on discord, looked up Zagreus on Wikipedia where I dare not yet tread for fear of spoilers several days ago, and they mentioned the whole “sometimes mythical Zagreus is conflated with Dionysus!  Have you met Dionysus yet?  Are you SURE you’re not also Dionysus?” a few times before that happened.  I am so proud of my booze bro for making that happen.)

Honorable mention also goes to Aphrodite, who comes with some really great status effects (I think she might have my favorite Aid, and that Aphrodite/Zeus duo boon that charges it up super fast makes it incredibly useful, just a constant spam of charm spells) and really fun interactions.  She was never my favorite Olympian as a kid (yes, of course I was a Greek myth kid, what do you take me for), but I appreciate how much she is exactly what she appears to be in this game, you know?  She’s a little shallow but she’s not ashamed of herself for it.  She’s free with affection and happy to share.  We all know she’s the kind of lady who loves watching some drama go down, and she is not above starting some shit, but she’s not actually making any pretenses about that and I appreciate that on her.  I legit believe she’s trying to help me get out of Hades because she thinks it’s just awful that anybody who counts as a real person should be stuck down there in that dark awful place (mortals don’t count as real people but, y’know, it’s the Greek gods, that’s sort of a given).  And, ok, maybe I have a little extra affection for any version of Aphrodite who’s not just “ooh, she’s a slutty mean shallow girl who likes to manipulate everybody to stroke her own ego, we’re so ~edgy~ for thinking she’s awful”.  They did a good job making an Aphrodite I can support, and I am glad for that.

Poseidon probably has the boons with my favorite effects (tidal dash is great and I love it), and Zeus, Athena, and Ares all have specific boons that I really enjoy in certain circumstances.  Favorite character, though, hands down, is ABSOLUTELY Artemis.

Some of this is definitely pre-existing bias--I was always somewhere between Artemis and Athena for favorite deity back during my time as a Greek myth kid, although I like her way more than Athena here.  Most of it is just that the way she’s written is so great.  She’s awkward!  She leaves me awkward voicemails because she doesn’t know what to say!  She’s not super comfortable around all of her loud, competitive, extroverted relatives with all their enormous personalities and equally enormous egos.  She is so obviously the sort of person who doesn’t entirely know what to do with herself when she doesn’t have a job to do, and, really, the world just makes so much more sense when she’s out in the woods on a hunt by herself taking things seriously and getting her work done.  She is explicitly hanging out with her family right now for the express purpose of working together to save me, and you can hear in her voice how it’s making her a little tense having them around all the time but she’s doing it anyway because this is important.  Her duo boon dialogue with Zeus!  Dad acting all indulgent about his odd daughter who won’t do the sensible thing and take a husband or at least a lover, for Olympus’s sake, and Artemis who is like, ‘really, you really don’t get why I would rather be out in the woods than committing myself to dealing with the sort of guys we have around our family’.  (The mention of preferring to be alone or with her nymph friends has big ace/lesbian crossover energy, and as a vaguely-aceish vaguely-lesbianish queer lady I am all about it.)  And yet she still invites us to come hunt with her once we get out of the Underworld up to Olympus.  Her safe alone space, away from her overwhelming family, and she’s willing to welcome Zagreus into it after she helps him get away from his family. 

The tricky thing about Artemis is that nearly all of her boons are crit-related, which officially makes them the boon set I am usually least interested in.  Part of this is absolutely math fallacies because math brain works very very hard at my actual job and does not want to come out and play during video game time, so it rebels against actually sitting down and calculating what percentage crit rate might do more good with my particular playstyle with various weapons than simply a flat damage increase from another boon.  Part of it’s the fact that I can see the impact of other boons, but not the increased critrate (because everything is always going much too fast to notice a single individual crit when it happens).  Part of it’s just how I tend to react to buffs and builds: law of large numbers aside, a flat bonus/effect applied to every single hit is always going to be more consistent and reliable than the crapshoot of a crit chance, and coming from a turn-based combat background, consistent and reliable is still a (possibly undeserving) priority to my game-strategy brain.

On the other hand, Artemis also has one of my favorite boons in the entire game in Support Fire--you know, the boon that fires off a bonus target-seeking arrow every single time you hit an enemy with your weapon in any way, or cast, even if you don’t hit anything.  It’s pretty good with sword/shield/spear.  It’s great with the fists, where you’re going to be multi-hitting anyway, and absolutely essential with the railgun if you’re me and can barely use the railgun.  Exit Wounds, where enemies take damage when they drop the cast, is also really great.  Both of those are boons with prereqs, so I’ll often hope for an Artemis boon early in the game (usually her cast boon or that boon that gives you a low crit chance on all damage, because that one doesn’t preclude putting other specific strike/flourish/dash boons on) to try and set myself up to get them later.  It tends to work pretty well, plus then I get to hang out with Artemis more, and that is always a winner.

(Yep, I sure did write a six-paragraph response to a two-line ask.  For everyone who’s followed me in the past couple of weeks--you MUST be aware by now that this is how I do.  You MUST have figured out what you signed up for.  I am not sorry.  (I’m a little sorry.))

[trashyswitch]

Illogical Hobbies (Or so he Thought)

Logan is struggling with being seen as unreliable or biased in his logic. Why? Because the man likes tickling and he's super embarrassed about it. Looking for help from anyone, Logan decides to talk to Remus about his dilemma. Remus quickly proves to be open-minded, and even excited about Logan's interest!

This fanfic has some dirty jokes and ultimate gay moments. Whether Intrulogical is platonic or intimate in this fanfic...I have no idea. It could be read as both. Just keep an open mind, knowing that this is Remus and Remus us well...dirty.

Also: this fanfic was suggested by 🦂 person. Hi 🦂 person! Sorry it took weeks.

Other than that: I hope you enjoy!

For @kanene-yaaay

Logan had been struggling with his thoughts. For one of the first times in his life, Logan’s brain was overwhelming him with logical theories that haven’t been proven as of yet. The logical side now believed he might be a freak and as a result, is now unreliable for Thomas. This hypothesis was created due to his interest in one thing: tickling. He had seen the documentary they made about it. He had seen how uncomfortable people become due to others and their ‘feelings for tickling’. There are people who enjoy it as a…

Logan shivers. Despite his inability to hold onto biases up until this point...Logan had developed a strange reaction to the unspoken word. He just doesn’t like thinking about the word, let alone saying it. Society has managed to place so much of a bad condentation onto the word, that...saying it feels super wrong. Those types of topics are usually kept secret and are only discussed with people who you feel close to. Making sure the other person doesn’t mind talking about it might also be a good thing to check. You don’t want to end up in one of those one-sided conversations where you do all the talking while your friend only listens, nods and refuses to add input. That would be the last place Logan would want to get stuck in.

Logan sat down on his desk and clicked the pen to start writing. He drew out the people within the mind palace, and wrote down the pros and cons of talking about it with that person. Logan did this so that he could determine who would be the best person to go to, that wouldn’t be biased or rude about his...feelings. Yeah, feelings. He needed someone who wouldn’t look down upon him for being this way, and who would remind him that he is still the logical side who doesn’t let biases or conflicts get in the way of the truth.

Patton seemed like a good idea and he’d consider coming to him another time. But poor Patton’s already got so much on his plate. Patton’s been trying to help out Roman, who was still struggling with the truth that was told to him during the last conversation they had. Patton had gotten better acquainted with Janus by then, and was now struggling to find a stalemate between the light and the dark sides.

On top of that, Roman was also out of the question for more reasons than one. Again, Roman was going through a few different things involving his insecurities. Truth be told; Roman is now roughly 30 like Thomas is, so he should’ve been experiencing this phase long ago. But, late is better than never. Even if Roman weren’t stressed about his self-image, Logan would still turn down the prince because he found Roman too biased and rude over simple matters. It would be better to let Roman question things rather than be taunted by him for the rest of his days.

Virgil is more of a quiet citizen who probably would’ve handled it just fine. The emotional man has his own interests and hobbies that he often keeps from people as well. Example: his love for spiders. Patton would probably have a heart attack if Virgil admitted such a secret. But the one big con Logan had with Virgil was the chance he’ll let out a...strange reaction to the news. Whether it was gonna be a good or a bad reaction, was not something Logan wanted to test out.

Janus seemed like an interesting option as well. Yet despite his better understanding of the snake-like being, he began to wonder if Janus would be too manipulative or perhaps...too blunt. In this moment in particular, Logan felt he needed reassurance more than vague, or blunt answers. And knowing Janus...both possibilities stood out equally. So...Janus was off too.

Now Remus particularly stuck out to him. Remus would be blunt, but in a strangely charming way that would lessen the truthful blow. Remus would also be the most unbiased next to Patton because he’s learned about literally everything involving the subject. Remus might even have the recommended tools readily available in his room! Though Remus may immediately resort to assumptions about the interest...that’s about the only con Remus had under the list. Furthermore, Logan liked Remus. Maybe if there wasn’t a risk of getting physically injured, Logan would’ve had no cons under his name.

Logan threw away the chart and walked himself up to Remus’s room. Feeling nervous yet fascinated, Logan knocked on the door. He kept his knocks rather quiet, as to not disturb the other dark sides.

Remus opened the door and immediately pulled Logan into his room. Remus closed the door and planted a big, slightly bushy kiss onto Logan’s cheek. “Welcome Logan, to my sexy chamber of secrets~!” Remus greeted. “I am your tour guide: Sexy Sanders~. Are you ready for the greatest tour of your whole life?” Remus declared proudly.

Logan bit his lip and looked away shyly. “R-Remus…” Dammit! Now he was turning into a deer frozen in the headlights! “I’m flattered by your introduction, but-”

“OOOoooh! ReeRee, you sly dog! You just flustered the nerd beyond belief!” Remus reacted. “Perhaps the ninja star and the loss of your buck teeth has left poor Logey in a confused state of ecstacy!��� Remus teased, letting out a sexy cat growl.

Logan cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. “Excuse me…” Logan started to turn around while he tried to ramble out an excuse. “I suppose now may not be the time to talk, so I’m gonna leave you to your duties and-”

Remus slammed something against the wall beside the door. Logan jumped at the bang sound it made, and turned to look at the blurry thing that had made the sound beside him.

It was a foot? A high heeled foot, to be exact. And...Oh geez Remus was wearing kinky boots. “Come here darling…” Remus put his foot down and led Logan to the bed. “Let me get you something somewhat edible to eat and drink.” Remus offered. “You seem in great dire need of it, after all~”

Remus sat Logan down on his bedside and opened a bottom drawer that was split into 2 spots and filled with snacks. On the left side was ‘Remus’ based snacky foods and on the right, was normal snacky foods that he guessed could be for Roman or Janus. “Pick your poison.” Remus told him.

Logan bit his lip and smiled slightly. “Is any of it actually poisoned? Or is that just you using a phrase?” Logan asked.

Remus giggled. “It’s just a saying, li’l sweetberry.” Remus replied.

Logan awkwardly reached down and grabbed a pack of swedish berries. “Thank you, Remus.”

“No problem. Now: What does the poor distressed brainiac need from your pal?” Remus asked.

Logan bit his lip and swallowed. “Well…I’ll start with this:” Logan took a breath and began. “I took some time finding out who exactly to talk to about my personal issue. My other choice would’ve been Patton, but...He’s busy with your brother.” Logan admitted.

“Oh Patton...The poor boy is busy trying to keep the peace while Roman loses his sanity because his biased beliefs and nasty habits are finally being seen as rude!” Remus added.

Logan widened his eyes and looked at Remus. “Yes! That’s exactly it!” Logan reacted.

Remus scoffed and looked at his nails. “He’s always been like that. I’m not even gonna start with all the insults he’s thrown at me.” Remus added. “Though I don’t mind some angst in my life...Roman has genuinely hurt me before.” Remus admitted.

Logan looked down a little. “I’m...I’m sorry to hear that.” Logan told him.

Remus quickly waved it off and readjusted his position. “It’s fine! Now: What is this seeecretive thing you worked sooo hard to talk about?” Remus asked.

Logan calmed down slightly and continued. “I have felt rather embarrassed and...unreliable to Thomas because of some interests I’ve had.” Logan admitted.

Remus gasped and leaned his chin on his hand. “Do tell! I do love a good ‘life-altering’ hobby.” Remus told him with a wink.

Logan rolled his eyes and couldn’t help but grow a little soft towards Remus. “Ohokay. Well...Because of my outward presentation, I am unable to present many mannerisms without fearing I’ll be judged by some of the sides.” Logan admitted. “And...there’s one specific activity that I have ached for…for a while now...” Logan admitted.

Remus giggled. “Does someone have a thing for bonds?” Remus teased.

Logan blinked and looked at him with a confused face. “I- no. Not bondage.” Logan replied.

Remus raised his eyebrows. “Roleplay?” Remus asked, now guessing.

Logan visibly cringed. “No…”

“Hmmm…” Remus bounced his eyebrows and licked his lips. “Sexting?” Remus asked.

Logan looked quite bothered. “It...It’s not a fetish, Remus!” Logan finally told him, feeling dirty for saying the word out loud.

Remus’s smile dropped. “Oh…” Remus thought for a moment. “Do you have a thing for furries?” Remus asked.

Logan shook his head. “No.”

“Is this more wholesome than I think?” Remus asked.

Logan looked at Remus with an embarrassed smile. “Y-yeah.”

“Hmm...Cuddles? Are you lacking a few good cuddles?” Remus asked.

Logan widened his eyes as his cheeks started to glow a dark red. “I...Kinda…” Logan replied.

Remus picked up Logan immediately and gently threw him onto the bed. “Tally HOO!” Remus shouted as Logan landed on the bed. Remus jumped onto the bed beside Logan, and wrapped his arms around him. “Is this what you wanted?” Remus asked.

Logan had frozen in place, unsure of how to react. This was kind of what he wanted, but...there was something missing…

Logan wrapped his arms around Remus as well and soon rested his head against his chest. “Y-Yeah...This is what I wanted…” Logan somewhat admitted.

Remus tilted his head and looked at him. “Stop the music:” Remus said to the quiet room. Remus pointed at Logan. “You’re hesitating...I can hear it.” Remus told him.

Logan widened his eyes. “Am I?” He asked.

Remus nodded. “I can tell you want something else.” Remus told him.

Logan looked down with a wobbly smile and blushed. “Yyyyy...Yeah you got me.”

“So: Any hints?” Remus asked.

Logan squeezed his eyes shut, and carefully gave Remus a really light squeeze on the side. Remus jumped slightly, but gasped as he immediately caught on.

While Logan opened his eyes with worry in his eyes, Remus smirked and gave the back of Logan’s neck a little tickle. “I think I understand what you want~”

Logan threw his head back and squeaked, not expecting it. He instinctually reached his arm back to grab the hand.

But Remus giggled and wiggled his fingers. “You shouldn’t have done thaaat~” Remus touched down on Logan’s now-exposed armpit and skittered wildly while making teasy ticky-ticky sounds. Logan quickly threw his arm down and let out his first snort. “Awwww! I think this IS what the distressed brainiac yearned for! Am I right? Am I right??!” Remus teased as he squeezed his hip with his other free hand.

Logan’s eyes grew to the size of dinner plates as he let out a big, overwhelmed yelp. “REMUHUHUS-” Logan started wiggling and squirming while cackling somewhat quietly with his face all squished.

Remus had a stupidly happy grin on his face as he kept going. “The smartest being in Thomas’s entire mind palace is ticklish! And he LIKES it!” Remus reacted. “This is like landing in heaven! For Logan AND myself!” Remus reacted.

Logan covered his face with his hands and whined. “Yohohohou lihihike ihihit toohohohoho?” Logan asked.

As a reply, Remus leaned in and blew a raspberry on his neck. Logan squealed like he had never squealed before, and hid his flustered face in Remus’s chest. “There’s my answer!” Remus declared.

Logan tried to mutter something to Remus, but his face was intentionally being shoved into Remus’s chest. Remus bursted out laughing at how muffled and wonky Logan’s ‘words’ sounded in his chest. “You sound like you’re stuck in a door or something! Do I need to tickle you out of your crampy situation?!” Remus asked him jokingly.

Logan giggled more into the Duke’s chest. Remus’s teasing was starting to fluster him more, and the anticipation was only adding to it. Remus was surprisingly good at this! Logan was thrown out of his moment of thought from two ticklish squeezes against his hips. “BAHAHAHA- REHEHEHE WAHAHAHAHAIT!” Logan yelled at him.

“Wait? But why? You’re already enjoying it! Why would I wait for something to happen, when everything I want is happening right now?” Remus asked rhetorically.

“IHIHIT’SSSS-SSSOHOHOHOHO TIHIHICKLIHIHIHIHISH!” Logan yelled back at him.

“I know! But isn’t that the best part? You’re getting the tickle tickle tickles you’ve been craving for…” Remus paused and thought for a moment. “Wait...How long have you been wanting these tickles for again?”

Logan snorted as his hair grew more and more messy. “UHUHUHUHUHUHH...MOHOHONTHSSSS?” Logan guessed.

“MONTHS?! Seriously?! You’ve been tickle-deprived for MONTHS?!” Remus shouted. “How in Satan’s butthole did you manage to survive months without being tickled?!” Remus reacted.

“PERHRHRSIHIHISTENENENCE!” Logan yelled back.

“Okay, maybe. But persisting without tickles and cuddles for MONTHS?! That’s like living an entire week without my favorite deodorant in the house! I’d die of starvation! And my tongue would be drier than Gluten Free bread!” Remus reacted further.

Logan laughed more at Remus’s statement. Of course Remus would starve himself if he had to live without deodorant! It only makes sense if you properly know the guy. Logan also visibly cringed at the thought of deodorant ‘moisturizing’ the tongue. The image in his head was making his tongue feel all weird and chalky.

...And surprisingly, Remus had a point. Gluten Free bread is ridiculously dry…

Remus soon gave Logan a bit of a break and spun his mustache while he watched the nerd. Logan took the moment to breathe again, but looked visibly disappointed that Remus had stopped.

Remus frowned softly with a wobbly smile at Logan’s reaction. Then, Remus made the one sound Logan NEVER imagined hearing from him: he cooed!

“Awwwww!” Remus covered his mouth and nose with his hands. “God, it’s like trying to ignore a homeless puppy! Now I know how Patton feels 60% of the time!” Remus reacted.

Logan chuckled at the last statement. Patton really does act like that a majority of the time.

Remus wrapped his arms around Logan and hugged him tightly. “I’m so happy you told me!” He admitted. “You have no clue how happy you made me feel the moment you came to my door!”

Logan relaxed a little more and hugged him back nicely. “...Really? You’re happy I told you?”

Remus nodded. “Well of course! No one besides Janus and Roman have ever told me their deepest secrets before!” Remus admitted. “And...Your secret is super wholesome.”

Logan’s smile dropped slightly as another thought went through his head. “Hey Remus…”

Remus tilted his head. “Yes Logan?”

Logan calmly stared into Remus’s eyes. “Do you still think I’m logical and reliable? Even with my...tickling interest?” Logan asked.

Remus smiled softly and placed his hands on Logan’s shoulders. “You are the most logical and sane side we have in the mind palace. No amount of feelings is ever gonna change your big IQ.” Remus reminded him.

Logan smiled and went back into the hug. Feeling safe and secure in his arms, Logan closed his eyes and rested his chin on Remus’s shoulder.

“I guarantee if you were to tell Patton or even Roman, you would be given what you want.” Remus told him. “Roman is a bit more risky. He might look at you like you have 3 heads at first. But Roman will wind up going ballistic about how cute you are.” Remus told him. “He’s done the same thing for me.” Remus told him.

Logan looked at him. “Really?” Logan smirked a little. “What’s your cute hobby?” he asked.

Remus smiled and pointed to his closet. “Making stuffed animal abominations.” Remus replied proudly.

Logan tilted his head. “I...don’t think I follow.”

Remus giggled and blew a raspberry onto Logan’s neck again. “It doesn’t take much to follow what I mean.” Remus teased.

Logan squealed and cowered into Remus’s chest again while Remus began to explain: “I make stuffed abominations out of many different stuffed animals! I switch out the limbs, I add stuffed wings, tails or tentacles to the stuffies, and they become my pile of monstrosities!” Remus explained.

“Sohoho you’re sid from Toy Story?” Logan asked.

Remus smirked and tickled his sides as a response. “Exactly! See? You get it.”

Logan snorted and tried to scoot himself back. But Remus managed to grab his arm, hold it up, and attacked his exposed armpit. “Nice try, Ms. Berry blue!”

Logan shook his head wildly and let out every bit of laughter he had. He was a wiggling mess of laughs, giggles and snorts all in one nerd. It was so cute to see!

“C-COHOHOME OHOHOHON, REHEHEHEHE!” Logan yelled to him.

“Is that a challenge?” Remus asked him. “Are you telling me I’m not tickling you enough?! The nerve!” the Duke teased.

Logan squealed and pulled his knees to his chest. “NOHOHOHO, IHIHI DIHIHIHIDN’T!”

“But it sounds like you did! What on earth could you possibly mean when you say ‘come on, Ree’?” Remus asked.

“IHIHI MEHEHEHEANT YOHOHOHOU’RE TEHEHEHEASIHIHIHING MEHEHE AHA LOHOHOHOT!” Logan admitted.

Remus giggled. “I know.”

Remus stopped tickling him for a moment and placed the nerd’s hand down. Next, Remus grabbed onto Logan’s tie and started loosening it. “Here: I don’t want your trusty tie to choke you while I tickle you.” Remus told him.

If Logan wasn’t blushing before, he was CERTAINLY blushing now! Remus actually unfolded Logan’s collar and removed the tie with genuine care presented in his actions. Logan had frozen in place, which ended up helping Remus remove the tie with little struggle.

Then, Remus put the tie around Logan’s right wrist and tightened it to a comfortable amount. “Check it out!” Remus lifted the tie up and started tickling Logan’s armpit again. Logan snorted and immediately burst into giggles while he tried to cover his armpit. But the tie was working like a bonding rope and preventing his arm from covering the spot properly! But Logan also noticed Remus had left the tie a bit looser. So with some tugging and twisting, the wrist could easily pop right out.

Much to Remus’s surprise though, Logan tried not to pull too hard on his wrist. He was actually letting his hand be bonded for a bit.

Remus happily smiled as he covered Logan’s body with all the tickles and laughter. This was so fun! And to think that just 25 minutes ago, Logan was a tense and illogical mess. He’d never seen Logan behave like that before. He’d seen the nerd annoyed, hurt, excited and in shock, but he’s never seen Logan anxious. It was quite unusual for the logical side. But now Logan was a giggling, blushing mess of emotions. It was brand new for Remus, and most likely quite brand new for Logan as well. But Logan seemed to be enjoying it.

Finally after a while of tickling, Logan decided he had reached his limit. He pulled his hand out of the tie, and curled up into a sideways ball. “Ohohokahahahay, thahahahat’s ehehenoho-” Remus had already stopped the moment Logan said ‘Okay’. He must’ve already known Logan would want him to stop. So, he did.

Logan looked at Remus with a glow of happiness in his eyes. “Thank you Remus. That helped a lot.” Logan told him.

Remus smiled back and gently punched his shoulder. “Eeh, it’s nothing. I’ll happily do it again anytime you need me to.” Remus told him.

Logan blushed a little at that and looked away awkwardly. “I’ll...I’ll keep that in mind.”

Remus got off the bed, walked over to the dresser and opened the middle drawer. Hidden within some magazines and spare sewing fabric, Remus grabbed a water bottle and wrote an L on the lid. He closed the drawer and handed it over to Logan. “Here you go. I don’t want you die-drating on my watch.” Remus told him.

Logan laughed a little at that and drank some of the water from the water bottle.

“Now: Either you can get the hell out before anyone notices the nerd’s hanging out with the crook, or you can stay and get hit with all the questions later.” Remus explained.

Logan choked on his water and put the lid back on as he coughed the drop of water out of his air pipe. “Ihi-” He cleared his throat. “A crook is a dishonest person, or a thief. You may be a bit of a Grinch, but you’re most certainly not a crook.” Logan admitted.

Remus looked at him with surprise. “Wait, really?”

“Really.” Logan put his water bottle down. “You are the most honest person we have in the mind palace. Though the honesty does cross the line to brutal sometimes, it still shows the lengths you’ll go to be truthful.” Logan explained briefly. “Besides: I think I’ll risk the countless questions and stay a while longer.”

Remus smile grew into a big toothy grin as he held his own chest. “Awwww!” Then Remus shoved his hand into his own chest and ripped his heart out, blood vessels and all. “Look! You made my heart jump!” Remus reacted as he pointed to it. Sure enough, his human heart had visibly jumped a few times in front of Logan.

Logan covered the lower half of his face and couldn’t help the laugh that left his mouth. Looks like Logan will have to add the word ‘random’ to the list of Remus’s personality traits.

I'm finally back. I took nearly 3 weeks off of writing because I hit a major writers block. I am happy to say I got other things done in that time, and I used the unexpected break to my advantage. So now: I'm back and hopefully back to stay for a while.

[fakeloveaskblog]

Okay Remy, I am going to resend that previous message I sent you, just so you have it so you can reread it if you perchance wanted to do that. Don't worry, you didn't accidentally delete it, someone else purposefully did. Also, no… you weren't left with the true things, that's just learned cognitive distortions speaking; I'm sure if you asked Jan or Rem if they thought those things about you, they would set you straight right away. I'll also put a silent alarm on your phone that'll go off the next time Remus is near you, though only if you let me. Would that help?

(Tw: Vague implications of past abuse)

Remy: "Set me straight? dfhjd who are you? my dad? Jk jk. I know what you mean. I don't know what cognition distractions or whatever mean 'cause I'm tots an idiot. Like girl the only reason I didn't fail all of highschool was 'cause Virge did just enough of my work for me. You don't gotta tell me what it means btw. I can like look it up. I may not have a brain but I do have google. and uh yeah that helps. thanks. I'm gonna go reread the message now"

A few days later, in the middle of the day, the Rems were sitting on the sidewalk behind a starbucks. There were so many people inside the cafe Remus had nearly gotten a sensory overload while ordering the 4 cupcakes and 2 sandwiches he was smashing down into his slippery gullet. Remy had just taken a black coffee.

The alarm had gone off a while ago but they didn't know how to ask him about it. He looked tense. He sat in an unnatural pose that made it easy to get up and run away. His shoulders were raised and brows just a bit furrowed. Maybe they could-

"Oh!!! Bean bitch do you wanna see what I've been drawing lately???" Remus suddenly exclaimed, crumbs of sandwich flew out of his mouth.

"Sure babe"

He had a big grin on his lips as he took out his sketchbook and flipped through it "Alright so you remember how I did some anatomy practice of you when we watched lesbian vampire movies yes? Well I kinda continued with those"

The first few drawings were realistic sketches of Remy's face from a few different angles but on the next page he'd used his cartoony style to make them into a supernatural being. One drawing showed them with 8 eyes. One with nothing but gorey eye sockets left. One with spiders crawling out of their eyes and mouth.

Remus rocked back and forth slightly "Sorry. Is it weird? I just thought it would be cool if there were some character who looked nromal but was hiding something under their sunglasses. I dunno. Maybe it's stu-"

"No. No. Babe I think it's like tots cool! You made me look like super chic. Blood is totally in right now!!"

He shone up into a bright smile "Thanks!" There was slight blushing on his cheeks.

"I think I would look cool with some teeth in my eyes just saying"

"OOOOh!! Maybe even fangs?!"

"You got it babe!"

He took out a pen and immediately started to sketch it out. Remy was just happy getting to watch him draw.

Until a notification sound came from Remus' phone. He flinched before quickly checking it and immediately setting it down again. He somehow tensed up more.

Remy took a deep breathe. They could do this. They could talk about emotional stuff.

"You good babe? I mean like at any time? 'Cause you look tense like a lot- I uh I'm not like asking why. You don't gotta tell me shit. just like wondering if you're like okay"

"You're one to talk. you walk around looking like you got a stick up your butt 24/7........Do you??....kinky"

"Not yet"

"Me neither"

They both went quiet. Remus fiddled with the ring he still had on his finger. Remy scratched at their neck.

"I...I just feel paranoid....all the time...My intrusive thoughts never shut up about how every interaction I have with other peple could end in the worst ways. Even right now" Remus muttered out after a while.

"I get that. I mean I" They forced a chuckle "Every single time my boyfriend raises his hand, just to like take a plate or something, my thoughts still scream at me that he's gonna hit me. He never does. I know he won't. But my body and thoughts still act like he will. It happens with every person. I've been sure Janus was going to slap me"

Remus looked up at them. His eyes suddenly looked so so desperate "I dosen't get better?" He asked, his voice sounded like it was close to breaking "The paranoia will Always be there?"

"What? No! No no no. of course not babe. I'm just completely fucked up y'know. Like all of my argument with my boyfriend ends with either me having like a panic attack or us fucking" They laughed "Like an overemotional crybaby y'know. But you're- You'll be fine- I'm sure- You're not- I'm just-"

Remus pulled his knees up to his chest and leaned his chin against his knees. "I think you can be fine too" He mumbled out.

"I don't- I- I dunno- It's like it's so clear I was like supposed to die at specific moments...and then I just....didn't....and now I'm just like still here even though I'm not supposed to...I'm just like a rotting corpse dragging everyone else down. I-I don't know how to be fine if my thoughts are still sure I'm going to die every single day"

Remus shrugged "I think rotting corpses are pretty cool"

It was so out of left field Remy let up into a laugh. "Jesus fuck you stupid necrophile" They hid their face in their hands "Babe I'm sorry. I'm tots rambling. I was asking if you were okay, not if you wanted to like hear me be a stupid bitch"

"It's okay. I think being able to be a stupid bitch is kinda cool too. I can't even try to vent without shutting down...I feel kind of like I'm rotting as well"

(It felt like he'd left his skin in his old apartement. To be honest it felt like his entire being had been scrapped out of him just to be left behind)

"Wow babe. Is there something you don't think is cool?"

He thought for a moment "Soap. It's icky and gets everywhere"

"Sound argument"

Remus slowly moved his head to lean it against their shoulder. He could feel their chest rise to take a shuddering breathe and lower again.

"Have you ever thought I would?" Remus quietly asked.

"Yeah" They admitted "I know you wouldn't"

"I know. I've been paranoid about you too"

"It's okay"

"I've willingly been to your apartment. That's a lot" Remus pointed out "I haven't been to Jan's apartement"

"We should break into his place in the middle of the night" Remy replied in a fake serious tone.

"Oh yeah. It's a must. How else do you know you're friends? We should bring matching friendship knives as well!"

Remy chuckled "You can design them. And my teeth eye design! That's like tots important! My true destiny is to be a monster milf y'know. The lesbians would love me"

"Ayyay captain! I'll get right on that! Remus: milf maker"

They let out an audible keysmash "Babe that's my porn name now. Milf maker! Cougar collector! Homewrecker hoobyist!!"

"Yay grammar!!"

Remy got up and held out their hand to help him up. "Aight babe, I better head home. And you better get yourself a hot bath. You sure are smelling like a rotten corpse"

"Oh don't worry. I have a demon who sends me gifts, including bathing gifts"

Remy blinked at him "Huh" They moved their arm around his shoulders and started to walk towards the busstop "Tell me all about it. Is it a hot demon?"

[kuroopaisen]

Hi! Can i req kuroo falling in love with kenmas best friend?

this got super self-indulgent and super long (it’s about 3k), but,,, i hope you enjoy it!! i really loved writing it 

- admin rowan

they’d done it. they’d done the one thing most people thought was nigh impossible. 

they’d become friends with kozume kenma. 

kuroo stared at his phone, one eyebrow raised. sure enough, the message was there.

KENMA, 3:42 PM: i’m at the coffee shop. i’m meeting a friend for lunch

kenma. meeting a friend? for lunch? on campus? 

oh, he had to find out more. 

“so you’re meeting them for lunch, huh?” kuroo propped his chin up on his hand, grinning at kenma from across the table. the uni cafes tended to thin out in the later afternoon, which had made it the ideal time. this new friend of his might not have been able to encourage kenma to hang out with them if they’d arranged it for earlier in the day. 

“uh huh,” kenma murmured, eyes glued to his phone. 

“where’d you meet this friend of yours, then?” kuroo asked. all sorts of questions were bubbling in his mind. he didn’t know if he had enough time to ask them. 

“one of my electives,” kenma said. “we got paired up for an assignment. i thought it was going to be painful, but it wasn’t.” 

those words were pure poetry to kuroo. this was the first time he’d heard kenma even say something like that. 

truth be told, kuroo had been terrified that kenma would go his entire uni career without making a single friend. sure, it was only his first year, but that first semester hadn’t shown much promise. the uni volleyball team hadn’t quite… bonded yet either. not in the same way nekoma had. but that wasn’t a pain kuroo wanted to linger on in that moment. 

“so,” he hummed, “what are they like?”

he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t intrigued. kenma hadn’t made an active effort to be friends with anyone since middle school – the fact that he was going to lunch with them, of his own volition, felt like something kuroo’d have to note down in the history books. 

“they’re cool, i guess,” kenma shrugged.

kuroo pouted. he’d been hoping for a little more than that, but… 

“hi!” a voice rang out behind him. both he and kenma turned to look. 

there they stood, cheeks blindingly red and hands on their knees. 

“sorry i’m late,” they waved a hand at kenma, the other held to their chest. “i got lost, and this campus is far too large, and then someone asked me where the health center was, and–”

“it’s fine,” kenma said, his voice still soft. they stopped their tirade, trying to stand up straighter. “you should get some water.” 

“right!” they nodded. a flash, and they were gone, lost inside the coffee shop. 

kuroo bit back a smile. this was kenma’s new friend? he hadn’t expected someone so… flustered. 

“what?” kenma asked, eyes turned to kuroo. 

“nothing.” 

kenma narrowed his eyes ever so slightly. “don’t be lame.” 

kuroo gaped at him, one hand over his chest in mock offence. “whatever do you mean?” 

“you know exactly what i mean.” 

“i can’t believe they’re charging five dollars for a bottle of water,” they grumbled, appearing out of nowhere once again. both the boys looked up at them, face still flushed. 

“there are places to get free water,” kenma said. 

their expression dropped, but only for a moment. they shrugged. “too late, i suppose.” 

their eyes drifted over kuroo. he could’ve sworn their cheeks turned just turned a tad redder. “sorry, i didn’t really introduce myself, did i?”

“kuroo,” he nodded, looking them up and down. 

“oh, right,” they smiled. “i’ve heard a bit about you.”

a shit-eating grin crossed kuroo’s face as he turned to look at kenma. 

“none of it was good.” 

they bit the inside of their cheek, unsure about whether or not it’d be okay to laugh. 

kuroo just scoffed, raising an eyebrow at kenma. “after all i’ve done for you? you wound me.” 

“you’ll recover.” 

kuroo looked between the two of them, that same sly smile returning to his face. “well, i’ll leave you to it then,” he said, standing up to full height. their eyebrows raised ever so slightly – wow, he was tall. “you kids better not have too much fun, you hear me?”

they didn’t quite know how they felt about him referring to them as a ‘kid’, but they simply smiled at him. 

“it was nice to meet you!” they said, before immediately chastising themselves for their peppiness. god, you must seem so weird, they thought. 

kuroo grinned. “and you.”

and then, he was gone. they turned to look at kenma, tilting their head at him. “he’s that childhood friend of yours, right?”

kenma nodded. 

“huh,” they hummed, sitting themselves down in kuroo’s old seat. 

kenma didn’t talk about the people in his life with much embellishment, and he didn’t like being pushed to talk about them. but, this new friend of his had heard quite a few stories about kuroo; scant details that they’d managed to string together to form a loose idea of a person. they’d gotten the impression that he was a kind, grounding force, one that’d been there for most of kenma’s life.

he wasn’t what they’d expected.  

——–

to say the friendship between them and kuroo felt natural is an understatement. hell, the boy decided he was fond of them that day they met – they’d got kenma’s approval? kozume kenma, known recluse, engaged with them in meaningful ways? nothing had quite warmed the cockles of his heart like that in a while. 

and better yet, they and kenma had gotten close. they hung out a lot – or rather, they spent a lot of time at the apartment he and kuroo shared. and kuroo, nosey as he was, often crashed their time together. not that they or kenma minded; the atmosphere just always felt… right. 

and sooner rather than later, they started to go over explicitly with the intention of hanging out with both of them. as much as kenma loved the both of them, he could only deal with company for so long; but neither they nor kuroo were quite done with the conversation. they’d lost many a good night’s sleep to a long, drawn-out chat with kuroo. not that they minded. not with him. 

and that night looked like just another one of those, at first glance. 

they were both sat on the couch, their legs absentmindedly strewn over his. they couldn’t help it, really; he was just so long, and he’d decided he wanted to take up as much space as possible. mainly to piss them off. 

and, one of them was rambling on about something vaguely esoteric. this time, they’d dominated the conversation. they hadn’t planned to; it’s just that they were thinking about one of their classes that week, and it had all come flooding back. and kuroo, bless his soul, was humouring them. like he always did. 

“what, so there were eight distinct winds?” kuroo asked, tilting his head at them. 

“yeah,” they nodded. “each was it’s own, like… deity? and winds blowing from different directions would do different things to you.” 

kuroo raised an eyebrow. 

“this guy, vitruvius was saying that… well, wind would make you sick, right?”

“uh huh.”

“hot wind specifically would make you really sick.”

kuroo snorted. “why? isn’t it the other way around?”

“well…” they bit their lip, trying to simplify the needlessly convoluted concept in a matter of seconds. “the romans thought the body was made up of the four elements, right? but they thought they were heat, moisture, earth and air. and humans were supposed to have all four in balance, right? unlike fish which had like… no moisture, so they could live in water pretty easily.” they paused. “is this too much?”

kuroo shook his head. “nah. you look pretty into it.” 

they didn’t quite know what he meant by that, but he was smiling. they ignored that weird little buzzing in their stomach and moved on. 

“so anyway, getting too hot was supposed to make you weak and sick.” they didn’t quite know why they were going on about all this. it hadn’t even been a big component of their class that week; it was just a tidbit they’d found interesting. but, as always, they just kept talking. and talking. and talking. that was always the way, with kuroo. they wanted to tell him about everything. 

and half the time, it seemed to be the same thing for him. they’d heard a lot of scientific jargon they didn’t quite understand, no matter how well he explained them to them. 

“oh,” they held up a finger, their favourite fact of the week springing to mind, “they also thought that hot air made everyone horny.” 

there it was. that ugly cackle they’d grown so fond of. “what, really?”

they nodded. “and this was in the mediterranean, so… they would’ve lived through some pretty hot summers. with no air con.” 

“gross.” kuroo scrunched his nose up. they tried to ignore how cute that was. “sounds like a terrible time be horny, to be honest. you can’t be having a good time.” he looked up at the ceiling and away from you. “i’d make sure to have a fan around, at the very least.”

“did you really just say the equivalent to ‘sorry ancient romans, but i’m different’?”

“and if i did?” kuroo shot them one of his devilish grins. 

they had no retort to that. if they did try and throw a quip back at him, the conversation might get into a territory they weren’t quite ready to confront. 

“how’s your assessment going?” they asked. sure, it was an abrupt change of subject, but it was a safe one. 

kuroo groaned, his head falling even further back over the arm of the sofa. “don’t remind me.”

“sorry,” they grinned.

he sat back up with a grunt, his dark eyes narrowed. “i’ve been putting if off. volleyball practice has been my excuse, but…”

“did you get your pracs done, at least?”

“oh, yeah,” he waved a hand at them. “i got those done ages ago. it’s just writing the damn thing up.” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. he froze for a second, turning to look directly at them again. “i saw that care package, by the way.” kuroo’s eyes were much softer than usual. fond, even.

right, the care package. it was just a little something they’d put together for kenma; he had a particularly rough few weeks ahead, with awkwardly scheduled exams and assignments. he hadn’t seemed to be all that stressed about it, but they’d wanted to do something. he always got so… anxious after procrastinating for so long and even more neglectful when it came to his health.

“oh, that,” they waved a hand at kuroo, suddenly very self-conscious of how their legs were entangled. “i didn’t really expect him to use it, but…” they tilted their head to the side. “i hoped it’d remind him to take care of himself a little.” 

a gentle smile crossed kuroo’s face as he gazed at them. suddenly, they didn’t know where to look. 

“thank you for looking out for him.” 

the words left kuroo’s mouth before he’d really thought about them. but he meant it. he really did. 

they shook their head. “i haven’t really done anything worth thanking.”

“you know he hasn’t actively made a friend since middle school?” kuroo said, turning to look at them. 

they turned to him with wide eyes. 

“there were the guys on the team, of course, but…” he sighed. “i think that was more propinquity than anything else. can’t see him ending up friends with them otherwise.” he ran one hand through his hair. “well, there is that kid hinata, but other than that…”

“sounds like he’s made a few friends since middle school,” they smiled. 

kuroo chuckled. “well…” he bit the inside of his cheek. should he be having this conversation? was it wise? 

fuck it. 

“i just… i get worried about him,” he said, the words slurring together ever so slightly. 

“because he’s so reclusive?”

kuroo nodded. “i just… i want him to be okay, and i don’t want him to end up isolating himself, but…”

he couldn’t grasp the words. fuck, he hadn’t even drunk anything tonight. 

“he tends to hide himself away?” 

“exactly,” kuroo nodded. “i’m surprised he decided to come to uni, honestly. even if he wasn’t really academic at school or anything like that…” he sighed. “he still does really well, despite leaving everything to the last minute, but…”

“it’s not healthy,” they said. 

“yeah,” kuroo smiled, running a hand through his hair. “you get it. you always do.” he was looking at them again. 

he really was handsome. tall, broad, with a certain devil-may-care vibe that made it all look so effortless. it was a weird thing to think, but they enjoyed looking at him. not quite as much as they enjoyed spending time with him, though. 

oh. shit. 

it was like he was coming into clarity for the first time. this guy, who loved kenma so much, who looked after him and treated him with the respect he deserved. the same guy who just seemed to get them, to understand them so well even when their words were clumsy – and who genuinely listened whenever they rambled about whatever was on their mind. this guy who was such a nerd, and yet also some of the best company they’d had in a long while. 

they knew he was attractive the day they’d first met – hell, all they had to do was look at him to work that one out – but that’d just been physical. they’d never expected to actually catch feelings for him. 

and all that weird buzzing in their stomach made sense. all the nervousness, all the tension. 

shit. shit, shit, shit. 

“what’s wrong?” kuroo asked, raising an eyebrow at them. 

“hm?” they blinked. 

“you’re staring.”

“oh,” they swallowed, shamefully aware of the blush creeping across their cheeks. “nothing’s wrong, i was just… thinking.”

“about?”

“kenma,” they lied. 

“right,” he cleared his throat, breaking eye contact. 

they sighed, bringing their knees up to their chest. no point in denying it to themselves anymore – they had feelings for a certain kuroo tetsurou. 

“i’m tired,” they said, before really thinking about it. it wasn’t a total lie – it’d be a long week, after all – but they knew they’d said it more as an excuse to get away from him. part of them felt bad about it. 

but the other part of them knew that if they stayed here much longer, they might say something they’d regret. 

–—

kuroo shut his bedroom door with just a tad too much force. 

fuck. fuck. 

this entire time, he’d been teasing kenma about having a thing for them, but… 

fuck. 

he was a fucking idiot. 

of course he had feelings for them. there was no other way to explain any of it; how he looked forward to their visits just a bit too much, how making them laugh made his stomach feel a little funny, how they were the first person he wanted to talk to about the things that’d happened in his life…

and he’d had feelings for them for quite a while now. 

he’d wrote it all off for some stupid reason. something about being happy about getting along so well with kenma’s close friend. or simply the joy of being understood so well. 

but seeing them look at him like that, with such tenderness in their eyes… 

fuck, he’d thought about kissing them. 

and he couldn’t get that thought out of his head. 

was that out of line? was he betraying their friendship somehow, by thinking about them like this? 

he cared about them. a lot. regardless of these… romantic feelings. but would that get muddied? 

and what about kenma? what would happen if things didn’t quite work out? 

no, he was thinking too far ahead. he didn’t even know if they were interested in him. were they? a warm, fuzzy swelling burst in his chest at the thought. huh. he really was whipped, wasn’t he?

kuroo groaned, rubbing his eyes. it’d been a while since he’d worked himself up over something like this. he was getting carried away. 

this wasn’t going to go away overnight. nor would it be easy to ignore. no, it’d been spreading its roots for a long while now. 

he had faith that he’d be able to act normally around them, at the very least. but maybe it was wise to set some distance between the two of them, just for a while. 

–—

“you should just ask them out, you know.”

kuroo’s phone tumbled out of his hand. “what?”

kenma looked at him out the corner of his eye. “you know what i’m talking about.”

oh. kuroo tried to swallow the dryness in his throat. had he been that obvious? 

“you’re like a puppy. it’s weird.” 

kuroo stared at kenma for a long while. what on earth was he supposed to say to that? 

“i don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“they can tell you’ve been ignoring them, you know,” kenma said quietly. “they’re getting sad about it.”

an icy shock jolted through kuroo’s chest. shit, so they had noticed. he’d hoped that the chaos of the past few weeks would give him a good enough excuse to draw back without being too obvious about it. 

of course they’d notice. why was he being so stupid about all this? 

“i…” nope, nothing was coming. 

��if you’re worried about me, you shouldn’t be,” kenma continued, monotone as ever. “if you date and break up i’ll just hang out with them at their place.” 

“wow,” kuroo scoffed. “preparing for the end of the relationship before it’s even begun? you wound me, kenma.”

“so it’s going to happen then?” kenma said, not missing a beat.

kuroo narrowed his eyes at him. “do you want it to happen?”

kenma shrugged. “it’s got nothing to do with me. and maybe it’ll stop you being so lame.” 

that was the second time that afternoon that kenma had struck him dumb. 

kuroo sighed, running a hand through his hair. he was going to have to say something, wasn’t he? otherwise he was going to regret it.

[starshine583]

Crossing a Line

Part 17

(Ya’ll ready for the angst? Because I was not)

Part 1 / Part 16 / Part 18

Le Paon stumbled to a stop, his chest tight and his heart in his throat. He clutched the earrings in his palms, causing the ends to dig into his skin. 

I.. I did it. 

He took the earrings. After all the work Father’s put forward, Le Paon finally got a hold of Ladybug’s earrings.. Of Marinette’s earrings.

A sigh escaped him as he slumped against the Mansion walls. She sounded absolutely horrified when she realized what was going on. How was he going to apologize? Would she even listen to him after this?

Felix dropped his transformation and slipped inside the mansion, carefully searching for witnesses. He could return her earrings after the wish, right? Would that help? She wouldn’t be missing her kwami then..

Nathalie sat in her usual desk next to Father’s office, but she appeared engrossed in something on the computer, so he was able to slip by unnoticed. Felix quietly hopped up the stairs, a part of him wondering how Father would have handled this. How would Father proceed if he knew that his youngest son was fighting against him with a miraculous they needed? What would he have done to Marinette to get her miraculous afterwards? Would he have made the same choices?

Felix stopped in front of his bedroom door. Whether Father might have done something differently or not didn’t help him now. Felix had the earrings, and Adrien had the ring. It was down to this next conversation. 

Tentatively, he knocked on the door. 

No response.

Felix drew in a breath and opened the door anyway. The room was pitch black, and the faint sound of a fan fluttered around. Was he sleeping? Already? It was a little past midnight, but..

Felix closed the door, and ran a hand through his hair. What should he do now? He couldn’t just wake Adrien up to talk about this. “Hey, I know you just woke up, but let me tell you about our not-so-dead mother and the fact that your brother and Father are super villains. Also, can I have your ring that I know has been a miraculous this whole time even though you had no idea that I even knew what a miraculous was?”

Yeah.. he had a feeling that wouldn’t go well.

Felix turned on his heel to go back down the stairs. He would have to talk to Adrien about the wish in the morning. In the meantime, he could hide the earrings in the library. Even if Marinette didn’t know his identity, carrying her Miraculous around provided a flurry of plausible problems that Felix didn’t care to deal with.

Tomorrow. He promised himself, slipping the earrings into a pocket in one of the book shelves. He would talk to Adrien tomorrow, and they would finally have their mother back.

~~~~~~

 Two hours. It’d been two hours since Le Paon came and took her miraculous. 

Marinette sat at the bottom of the ladder that led to her balcony, eyes puffed from tears. She couldn’t understand what went wrong. They were supposed to talk and work things out. He was supposed to surrender so they could heal his mother together. How did she let this happen?

Marinette sniffed, trying to think of what Tikki would say in this moment. Maybe she would insist that it wasn’t her fault, or that she did everything she could, but neither of those would be true. This was her fault. She didn’t do everything. If Marinette were really a good Ladybug, she would have swiped Le Paon’s miraculous the first time he visited her balcony. Or even the second time. Or all the other times she let him swing by. 

But she hadn’t. She let him inside, let herself trust him, and he betrayed her.

How long had he known that she was Ladybug? Did he know from the beginning? Were the times they spent together all a lie? A mere ploy to get close enough to grab her miraculous? 

Was his confession a lie too?

Marinette choked out another sob. Stupid, stupid! She should have known not to trust him. After his first betrayal towards Ladybug, it should have been obvious that everything else was an act. It just felt so wonderful, having Felix by her side. The quiet smiles he would give to only her, the endless praises on her crafts. She didn’t want to imagine a world without him.

And yet, he was gone.

And so was Tikki.

And she was alone.

Marinette wiped away another tear that spilled down her cheek and looked up at the trapdoor. He’s had her earrings for two hours now. Hawkmoth could do a lot in a mere two hours.

Despite the crushing weight in her chest, Marinette forced herself to her feet. There was no more time for crying. There wasn’t time in the first place, actually. She needed to get her earrings back before Felix went too far. She needed to talk to Master Fu.

-

Sneaking out was the easy part. Maman and Papa had been asleep for four hours already. As long as she got back before four in the morning, they wouldn’t be a problem. It was finding Master Fu that was hard. 

Marinette vaguely remembered a few turns, but she normally relied on Tikki for guidance. The address escaped her too, and her phone’s gps didn’t have a hit for “Fu’s Massage Parlor”. So, she ended up wandering around Paris for a while, avoiding dark alleyways and hoping she was going in the right direction. It must have been her last bits of Ladybug Luck that let her arrive at Master Fu’s around thirty minutes after leaving the bakery. 

Marinette let out a relieved sigh when she saw the sign and quickly started knocking on the door. The first few knocks were met with silence, but she was desperate. She knocked a few more times, and after the eighth round of knocks, Master Fu finally opened the door.

“Master! I’m so sorry to come here this late, but It’s urgent!” She all but spat out. “My miraculous- I didn’t expect him to, but- It’s gone! Felix- he took it and just ran off!”

Master Fu, through his groggy state, managed to pick up the gist of her ramblings and promptly ushered her inside.

“Are you sure you weren’t followed?” He asked, glancing up and down the street.

“Positive.” Felix had no ‘use’ for her without her miraculous. She imagined he wouldn’t even bother to speak with her again after this.

Master Fu nodded and closed the door. “Good. I have something that can help you upstairs.”

Marinette was brought back up to Master Fu’s massaging room where they usually practiced her healing magic. Once inside, he crossed the room and picked up an old phonograph. 

“Before we begin, I’d like to apologize.” Master Fu said as he sat the phonograph down in front of her. “It’s my fault Felix got close enough to take your miraculous.”

Marinette shook her head. “No, Master, you can’t blame yourself. I’m the one that let him inside my home without thinking of the consequences.”

“You don’t understand.” Fu responded. “I had his miraculous, but I gave it back.”

Marinette’s eyes bulged out of her head.

“You- you what? When did you have it?” She asked, dumbfounded.

Master Fu sighed. “A few weeks ago, I saw Felix running alone after the giant, movie akuma.”

Marinette pursed her lips. She remembered that night. If the akuma hadn’t appeared she might have kissed Felix for the first time while they ate ice cream. If only she knew then how dangerous he truly was.

“I pretended to be a victim of a mugging, and he offered to help me home. He even came inside and had a cup of tea, sitting where you sit right now.”

Marinette frowned. “If you had his miraculous.. why give it back?”

Regret painted his features. “When I talked with him, he did not seem evil, only desperate. I gave him the miraculous in hopes that he would change his mind and use it to fight against Hawkmoth instead, but..”

He trailed off, and Marinette cast her gaze to the floor.

But I guess we were both wrong about him.

“Tikki is waiting for you.” Master Fu continued. A renewed determination filled his eyes as he opened the phonograph to reveal multiple platforms of jewelry. “Marinette Dupain-Cheng, I am entrusting you another miraculous to reclaim your first one. Choose wisely.”

Marinette gasped, watching the miniature shelves pop out of the box. “You mean.. These are all miraculous?”

“Yes, and each holds a specific power.” He explained, pointing out a few. “For example, the fox miraculous can create illusions, and the bee miraculous can paralyze others for a short amount of time.”

“Create illusions?” Marinette pondered aloud. That could help her immensely if she was going to sneak into the Agreste Mansion. An illusion might be able to cloak her movements to the security cameras.

Master Fu nodded and held it up for her. “The illusions will look completely lifelike until someone touches it or you detransform. Then the image you’ve created will fade away.”

No one should be touching the illusion if it’s outside. Marinette thought as she took the miraculous. It was too late for anyone to be up.

“I’ll be back soon.” She promised, slipping on the necklace. 

An orange orb appeared around the tail pendant, and its glow brightened until a small, orange, fox-like kwami appeared.

“Hi-ya!” The creature greeted. “My name’s Trixx, and I’ll be your kwami. If you wanna transform, you just need to say one thing: Trixx, let’s pounce!”

“Good luck, Ladybug.” Master Fu stated as Marinette transformed.

Marinette offered a smile. “You mean ‘Jiāng húlí’.” 

This time, she’d be the one visiting Felix as an alter ego. Let’s see if he’ll be as hospitable as she was.

-

Running across the rooftops was extremely different compared to her usual mode of transportation via yo-yo. Nevertheless, it felt nice to have a miraculous again. A few skyscrapers even gave her a glimpse of her new costume. Her raven hair had been swept up into a long ponytail that trailed down to the back of her knees. The tips of her bangs and ponytail were stark white, and a pair of pointed, orange ears that were also white-tipped sprang from the top of her bangs. Contrary to her red and black spotted Ladybug costume, the fox miraculous bathed her in colors of orange and white. She had a jacket around her waist that was lined with black and had a popped collar, of which the inside was also black. The rest of the jacket was orange, save for the two blotches of white in the middle that continued in a line past her jacket and stopped on the inside of her upper thighs. The fox miraculous acted as a clip for the black zipper in the middle of her jacket. She had a pair white gloves and boots as well, with black lining around each. (Of course, the lining for the gloves was really the lining of the jacket sleeves) A thick, orange belt was also wrapped around her waist, cutting a line between the splashes of white on her midsection and holding her flute tightly to her side.All in all, it didn’t look half bad.

All in all, it didn’t look half bad.

The Agreste Mansion, being much larger in size than Fu’s massage parlor, was mere child’s play to find, and with her renewed, miraculous strength, Marinette managed to get there in a matter of minutes. 

She crept up to the dark windows, hoping the lack of light meant no one was in the room to see her. If Felix found a new miraculous holder sneaking into his house, she doubted that he would think of it as a coincidence, and her only leverage at the moment was his ignorance towards her knowing his true identity. 

Her claws clicked against the glass as she pushed on the windows for an opening. An evil super villain couldn’t sneak out of his house constantly without a way-

A window near the center fell open at her touch. Marinette smiled. 

Easy now. She told herself, carefully stepping into the room. The sound of a fan insured that someone was sleeping. It was best not to wake them up.

By the time her feet were firmly on the floor, her eyes were adjusted to the light, and she was able to make out furniture. A couch.. A desk.. A rockwall?

Marinette sucked in a breath and immediately started scrambling for a hiding place. This was the boys’ room, meaning Felix was probably in here sleeping. Sleeping! She thought, at the very least, that he would lose a little sleep from betraying her. He really didn’t feel guilty at all, did he?

She shook her head. Focus. If he’s asleep, that means the miraculous is unguarded.

The pads on her feet kept her steps silent as she crossed the room. The earrings shouldn’t be far from Felix, in a pocket, or a drawer, or something. She checked his pockets first- or rather, his clothes. Pajamas didn’t tend to have pockets -by carefully patting him down. It wasn’t easy. He moved a few times, and she was certain he’d woken up when she checked under his pillow. It must have been a miracle that he remained asleep. 

With pockets checked, she went to the drawers. The second and third were filled with nothing but clothes. The first drawer, however..

Marinette gasped, a swirl of bittersweet delight overtaking her at the sight of Felix’s miraculous. What a wonderful opportunity she’d been provided.

“Turnabout’s fair play, Paon.” She whispered to herself as she took the miraculous. His panicked face when he noticed his absent miraculous in the morning was going to be a horrible thing to miss. 

Marinette tucked the peacock miraculous away in her belt and turned to keep looking for her miraculous, but a certain sound stopped her in her tracks. A door. Someone was coming into the boys’ room. A sliver of light entered the dark abyss, quickly growing as the door opened further. Marinette rushed to the side of the room to avoid it, scurrying up a winding staircase. She pressed herself against the shelves above and tried to control her rapid breathing. Was someone coming to check on them or did Gabriel see her on the security cameras? Would she be able to fight off Gorilla and possibly more if that were the case?

A creak emitted from the door as it opened fully, and a single woman walked into the bedroom, straight and tall. Aside from her clicking heels, she was quiet as a mouse as she crossed the room to the boys’ bed. Strangely, she opened the very drawer that Marinette had searched through a moment earlier. When she opened it, though, she paused, almost like she expected to see something else. Then- curiouser, still -the woman started digging through the drawer. 

How interesting.

It took a few seconds, but the woman finally muttered some curses to herself and left the room, looking quite displeased. Marinette might have considered following her under different circumstances. Unfortunately, her time stamp didn’t allow it. In walking into the room, the woman caused the illusion to fade. The cameras might catch her any moment. Marinette didn’t mind. She now had more leverage than the knowledge of Felix’s identity. If he was dumb enough to go to school tomorrow, she would lure him into a private area there. He might not care to look at her anymore, but Marinette was going to drag him by the ear anyway. 

Mark her words, Felix was going to wish he never betrayed the hero of Paris.

~~~~~~

Sunlight poured into the bedroom as Felix got ready. He fiddled with the buttons on his dark grey vest, too nervous to think properly. Adrien was currently in the bathroom freshening up. When he came out, Felix was going to have to find a way to tell him that their long-lost mother was actually in a coma under their house. (Seriously, couldn’t Father find a less unsettling place to hide her?)

Heaven only knows how his brother was going to react. Felix might have agreed to help, but Adrien has been playing hero during this whole fiasco. With all of those battles stored in his mind, the personal insults shot at each other and near-death experiences, he probably won’t be as easily.. persuaded. Not to mention, Felix was going to have to get Adrien down to the basement. Chances were, he wouldn’t be able to do that without Father seeing them. Ugh, so many obstacles!

The bathroom door opened, and Felix tensed. 

“Hey, Fe, did you move the toothpaste?” Adrien asked as he walked out.

Felix almost smiled. Such an innocent question for such a serious topic he was about to bring up. “No, but-”

“Oh, nevermind.” Adrien cut him off, spinning on his heel. “I just remembered that I saw it in the mirror cabinet.”

Felix stared as his brother closed the bathroom door again. He could already see how this was going to go. Heaving a sigh, he walked over to his bedside drawer to grab his miraculous. Maybe Duusu would have some advice. 

The drawer slid open, and a few of the contents inside rolled with it, but there was no miraculous. Felix furrowed his eyebrows and started digging through the drawer a bit. He could have sworn that he put it in there the night before. It’s where he always puts it when he takes it off. 

Maybe I set it somewhere else? He thought with a frown, starting to check under the bed and in the other drawers. He’d been a bit out of last night, but it couldn’t be far, since he’d definitely used it last night. 

“Felix? Did you lose something?”

Felix shot up at his brother’s voice, causing him to smack his head on the bottom of Adrien’s desk that he’d begun looking under. “Ah! Yes, I’m- everything’s fine. It’s nothing.”

It’s not like I need it anymore, anyway. Felix reminded himself as he rubbed the back of his head. I have the earrings, and soon I’ll have the ring too.

“Adrien,” Felix began, trying not to glance at his brother’s ring while he stood, “do you ever.. I don’t know.. Think about mom?”

Adrien hesitated, obviously not expecting the question. “Uh.. I mean.. Of course I do. All the time. Why?” 

“Do you ever wonder what would happen if we could bring her back?” 

Adrien furrowed his eyebrows. “Sometimes.. But that’s not possible, so I try not to think about it.”

Boy, are you in for a surprise. Felix refrained from saying. “What if you could? Would you do what it took to have her back?”

Adrien completely frowned now. “Felix-”

“Boys.”

The brothers turned to see Nathalie in the doorway. When did she come in?

“Gorilla is waiting for you downstairs.” She informed. “Please hurry.”

Felix and Adrien nodded, and Nathalie left the room as quickly as she’d come. He turned back to Adrien, hoping to continue the conversation, but his brother had already grabbed his bag and started for the door.

Before he fully rounded the corner, though, Adrien stopped. 

“Felix, about Mom.. I miss her as much as anybody, but I don’t think she would want us to grieve over her like this. Having Mom back would be great, but would she really want us to go ‘above and beyond’ just to bring her back?” 

Adrien left before Felix could reply, though he’s not sure he would have had a response, anyway. Mother wouldn’t want them to obsess over her. She would them to live their lives and be happy.. 

Too bad it’s too late to back out now. 

-

School that day came with a whole new level of anxiety. He couldn’t help glancing left and right as he walked up the steps. Marinette could be anywhere, and she had to be worried for her miraculous, though she might not show it. She didn’t know his identity, so he should be fine, but the guilt that would smother him upon seeing her wasn’t an experience he was excited to go through.

He pondered not attending school himself, in all honesty. Alas, he didn’t have a good excuse to stay home. So here he was, carrying his bag to his locker and getting ready to burn through classes as fast as possible.

“Felix.”

Goosebumps crawled across his skin at the sound of Marinette’s voice. Why was everyone sneaking up on him today?

He reluctantly turned to greet her and had to force a neutral expression when he saw her smile. That didn’t look like someone who was grieving the loss of a miraculous.

“I want to talk to you.” She said, the usual, perky tone noticeably lacking in her voice.

The hair on the back of Felix’s neck stood up. “Uh.. that’s very kind of you-” Very kind of her? How did that response make sense? “-but class is going to be starting soon, so I need to get going.”

He moved to pass her, but she grabbed his wrist, her grip iron-tight. “I wasn’t asking.”

She yanked him backwards, slamming him against the lockers. Felix gasped for air, his eyes blowing wide with shock. Was this really happening? Marinette has never been violent in her life! He glanced around the locker room for witnesses, only to find that they were completely alone. Something told him that wasn’t a coincidence.

Marinette pressed her forearm to his chest, pinning him to the lockers. “Where did you put them!”

Felix struggled in vain to pull her arm away. Had she always been this strong in civilian form? “Put what?!”

“My miraculous!” She hissed, pushing harder. “Where are they!”

Felix’s eyes snapped to hers. The miraculous? She was asking his civilian form about her miraculous? But that meant..

He stopped struggling. “..You know.”

Marinette’s eyes narrowed into a glare. “Yeah. And, apparently, so did you.”

Felix might have felt guilty towards the jab had his mind not been reeling. How long had she known that he was Le Paon? When did she find out? How did she find out? 

“Tell me you didn’t use the wish.” She spoke again, bringing Felix from his thoughts.

“Not yet. I still need the ring.” He answered honestly.

Her entire body seemed to loosen at the news. “Good. Where are my earrings?”

“They're hidden in the mansion.”

“Then you’re taking me there to get them.”

Felix shook his head. “I can’t.”

“You can, and you will.” She remarked, her voice dripping with venom. He didn’t know she was capable of sounding so threatening.

Still, Felix held his ground. “Marinette, you don’t understand-”

“No, you don’t understand!” Marinette shot back. “That wish is dangerous! It has consequences! If you use it to heal your mother, someone else is going to take her place!”

Take her place? “What do you mean?”

Marinette sighed. “The universe needs to be balanced. If you heal Emilie from an incurable coma, someone else will fall into an incurable coma as a result. Did you honestly think that I was fighting tooth and nail to keep my miraculous for the fun of it all?”

Felix furrowed his eyebrows. No, that.. That can’t be right. Father had never mentioned a consequence to using the wish. 

“..I had hoped that was the case.” Was all he ended up saying.

Marinette huffed. “You’re so infuriating! Call Gorilla or whoever drives you. You’re taking me to get my miraculous back, unless you want me to keep this..”

She pulled something out of her pocket, and though Felix swore he’d seen everything that morning already, his jaw dropped when he saw his miraculous in her hands. 

“How did-”

“That’s not important.” She cut him off sharply. “Call the car. Now.”

“W-Wait!” So many things were happening at once. “I can’t just take you to our house during school! Nathalie’s never going to let that fly.”

Marinette thought that over. “..I don’t trust you enough to wait till after school.”

The words sank into his heart like knives, but he couldn’t blame her. “That’s completely fair, but your plan will never work as is.”

“And what do you propose we do instead?” She inquired, raising a brow.

Felix swallowed. “We can go after school, and-” he emphasized the ‘and’ before she could interrupt “-to ease your mind, I will check in with you after every class period. Our class schedules are relatively the same. We can even have lunch together if that makes you feel better.”

Disgruntlement flickered across her features at the notion of eating together. Felix would be lying if he said that didn’t bother him.

“If I sense any sort of foul play-”

“You won’t.” He promised. “Heck, take my phone for good measure.”

Marinette’s expression leveled, and she held out her hand. “Deal.”

Despite still being pinned to the lockers, Felix managed to dig out his phone and hand it to her. 

Marinette, being satisfied, dropped him as she pocketed the phone. “See you after classes, Agreste.”

Felix watched her sweep out of the room, noting the fact that she kept an eye on him the whole time. She must truly see him as a monster now if she’s waiting for him to pounce like that. He rubbed his chest where her forearm had been, knowing it would probably leave some type of bruise later, and headed for his first class. 

Today was decidedly not going as planned.

Tag List:  @im-here-for-the-content @novicevoice @mewwitch@minightrose @starlit-winter @multishipper1needshalp@unabashedbookworm @unholykrow @trubel43@kaydenth3gayden @stardustrevoutionx @legendaryneckjudgestudent @aurordraws @crazylittlemunchkin @uwuteamleader @chocolatecustarddanish @iambi-thilla-meena @corabeth11 @asianfrustration13  @chrismarium @agumon1123 @luciferge @yue-caelum @persephonebutkore @constancetruggle @make-the-stars-stay @johnlockfeelz @imfreakingmagical @tinybrie @procrastinatingrightnow @bee-wrecker @dontcallmecedge @shadowhex99 @daminette-is-life @thethirdwheelfriend @myazael @sizzling-fairy-oil @sparkle9510 @chaosace​ @the-navistar-carol​ @sannsibarr​ @grumpy-vixen-kitten​ @hauntedfreakdeputyhero​ @utcaro​ @more-or-less-human-i-guess @mlbutatbspofsalt @dawn-the-rithmatist @artcart0n @mermaidreject @tori-mmm  @fifaanayd  @novicevoice  @dreamykitty25 @mischief-not-managed-posts @amayakans  @arsaem  @athena452 @pink-and-bunny

[hongism]

Hi, Caly! I just wanted to drop by to thank you for keeping MOC's MC relatable, even though having her very own mind and character. I think the lack of description regarding her physical appearance does it for me, personally. The MC definitely has her own character and experiences and history, but I think you really succeeded in keeping her relatable and easy to sympathize with! I always think it’s a shame when authors (I’m specifically talking about reader-insert fan fiction authors and I’m saying this as one myself) use specific physical descriptions such as "small/petite frame" or "long tresses of hair" or "milky thigh" etc. because even if it’s unintentional, they exclude a huge amount of readers like that and because of that some might lose interest in a story that they feel doesn’t represent them well or where they can’t put themselves in the 'readers' shoes. (I’m not talking about you! It’s just something I noticed over the years that a lot of writers seem to do) - 🥞 (is there a pancake anon yet? 🥺) 1/?

I know that authors done owe the readers anything, but if you’re writing reader-inserts why not go all the way, you know? I certainly struggled with that a lot and dropped quite a few stories, because things like that bother me, because I couldn’t relate to the reader. There’s always a way to describe things more inclusively (imo) and I actively try to write the reader in a way that as many people as possible can relate to. Of course you can state specific characteristics of the reader at the beginning of a story if it’s crucial to the plot or if you just want to write something completely self-indulgent, but otherwise I think it’d be great if you, as a writer, can appeal to as many people as possible with your story. This is just my opinion of course. Anyways, I’m rambling on, I'M SO SORRY!!! At first I thought I might discontinue reading MOC because the MC had such a distinct character, but given the universe and the circumstances of the story/the story itself, it all makes sense and you just wrote her in such an interesting way... It’s amazing and I absolutely love every moment of it and every word I read. -  2/?

I guess I just wanted to thank you for making me (and possibly many other people) not feel excluded from your absolutely brilliant story by giving unnecessary specific descriptions of the MC’s appearance. It makes it so much more enjoyable to read and live your story. I’m honestly just SO glad I came across your story (I have only started getting into ateez at the beginning of this year, so I’m pretty new and I started reading MOC before I knew all the members names by heart, but it definitely inspired me to get to know the group more hehe). It’s really bringing me a lot of joy right now. Thank you so much. I can’t wait for the next chapter. You’re really out here doing god’s work. 👏🏼❤️ - 🥞 anon 3/3!

hello my dear im sorry for answering late life caught up to me and i got very busy 😭 but! i can't put into words how much your message means to me im so touched thank you so so much !!! something i really prioritize is never using specific physical descriptions in any fics, and even when i describe mc's hair i try to be as vague as possible!! i want to be inclusive as possible bc i know there isn't enough representation for people who aren't small/petite, don't have long hair, or don't have milky perfect porcelain skin like many fics depict!

i 100% agree that even if unintentional, it does exclude a huge amount of readers, and even mists does that in a way bc it has a female reader and not a gender neutral one, which was a decision i took a while to come to. i agree that if an author is going to write a reader insert, it's not hard to be inclusive with the content. one writer who i really respect a lot bc she does so so well with both gender-neutral and very inclusive writing is @atiny-piratequeen, and she 100% is a huge source of both inspo and information about how to write without physical descriptions really well!!!! i would consider her to be an absolute staple and icon in the atiny writingblr community bc of both high quality fics and the ability to educate and be inclusive!!

obviously physical descriptors can be nice sometimes, but in my opinion, a good writer shouldn't have to rely on physical descriptors to tell a good story!

im really so touched that you continued reading moc despite her having a rather distinct character. i think for me, the parts that i hope can be relatable are her thoughts and how she reacts to things that happen. it means so much to me that you are able to feel included and that you feel able to read and live in the story despite the fantasy aspects of it!!! it's crazy to me how many people read mists in general, but also how many people read without knowing ateez super super well! it's so amazing to me that stories are able to touch people in such a way!!! im so glad that my story is able to bring joy and happiness as well, thank you so so much ahhh i'm rambling but thank you!!!

[rrrawrf-writes]

lordy lordy loo it’s been a hot minute since i’ve made an original post, i forgot where the button was

so. some of you may have seen the stuff running around about violetvineyard and mvcreates, some of you may not have. i’m just gonna lay out my experiences here, now that other people are talking about it and now that the server has been deleted. i’m gonna try to present a fair and nuanced version; i’m not gonna include screenshots (right now) bc i’m lazy, mostly.

there are several other people who are putting up way better breakdowns than i am. i just figured i might as well toss mine onto the pile bc why not? but if you’re hoping to hear from me a story about how i’ve been wronged, per se, you won’t find much of one, because i played mainly a spectator role, and never had much trouble there. i will have a vague, lukewarm defense of some of the people involved that other people may not agree with, but again, this is all just the whole VV deal from my point of view.

@nuwuhorizons (i haven’t said how dang much i lOVE your url) and @sapiencenotes have very good receipts and breakdowns. if you want a more in-depth (and dramatic, forgive me for using the word, i’m not trying to downplay this), check them out. @time-to-write-and-suffer also has some great stuff on their blog about all of this.

all righty. so. i joined VV not right at the beginning, but soon after it was started. there was an application process, i got accepted, i was looking for a community to help me start writing more. (it didn’t help, but that’s not their fault, that’s mine.) the person who owned the server was called mina, and on tumblr, mina’s url was mvcreates. mina is a nonbinary Muslim woman of color, a professional who i believe works at harvad and deals a lot with things like infectious diseases, iirc. she was doing a whole lot of work when the pandemic came around, and so the past few months wasn’t quite as active as she had been at the start, both on the server and tumblr. 

the very first time mina came on my radar, before i joined vv, was because she had corrected someone’s typo on a post, and it stirred up a minor drama about “don’t give unsolicited criticism” and “is pointing out minor errors like that okay” and blahblahblah. i ran across that on a friend’s dash, and also ran across the promo for vv from that friend’s dash, as well, and joined bc y not.

everything was p cool for a while. it was nice to meet some new people and some of my mutuals on there. mina seemed like a fun person. she was about a year, year and a half, maybe, older than i am. the first things that kind of started rubbing me wrong at the start was how she would kind of dismiss suggestions for the server than i and a friend had, and how she kept bringing up her age - she would often say things like “well i wouldn’t do that but i’m an Old(TM) so maybe i just don’t get it” and i can’t really explain why that bothered me. i think it felt dismissive, like Younger Folks Don’t Know How Things Should Work. also, like. she kept bringing it up. as if it meant something, as if plenty of us on that server weren’t actually around her age. there was a convo on vaccinations where i wanted to make the point that a lot of anti-vaxxers should be educated instead of ridiculed and shamed, but i never really got to making that point bc she jumped in very sharply and explained that anti-vaxxers all come from a class of people who are generally educated. i didn’t bother saying anything else. 

at the start, it was tiny little things like that. i chalked it up to her personality and mine just not quite matching up. i sat down a lot and examined my own internal biases, bc i knew something was bugging me, but i couldn’t tell if it was legitimate, or if i was jealous and petty, or if i was being discriminatory towards her identity. i still wonder that a lot; i want to be careful that i’m examining her actions here, and not the person who made those actions.

because the other thing that bothered me was that she was perfect at pretty much everything. she was a decent, if not good, writer, from what i read. i thought her “art”/edits were neat, even if sometimes i looked at them going “that just looks like an edit, not your own art, but u kno, edits are art too, so i’m not gonna say anything.” she had a lot of motivation, a lot of ambition. soon, this kind of transferred over into me feeling like she acted like she had to be perfect at everything. i think this is probably one of the more “lisa is just being petty” things, rather than a judgement on her character, but she seemed to flaunt her own skills and accomplishments a lot. not that no one is allowed to brag sometimes! but it was just another layer of “this bothers me.”

then there was the hero worship.

people in the server loved mina. i liked her. i had no problems with her, even if there were a few things i was a little “ehhhh” about. vv got pretty big, pretty quickly, and i assume there was a decent amount of turnover and people who just joined to lurk or sometimes share things in the promos channel or elsewhere. but the most active folks just. they adored mina with every fiber of their being. mina could do no wrong. no one ever called her out on anything; everything she did was hailed as fantastic and wonderful. and honestly, for the most part, it wasn’t like she was doing crappy stuff. some of the praise was well-deserved, imo, but it just bordered on embarrassing for some of these people, how much they just worshipped the ground she walked on.

and she didn’t really like, discourage it. like, at the start, i think i remember her being more modest, but in general, she just let it go, and so did i, bc like. i aint that kinda jerk.

the stated purpose of violetvineyard was to have a community that valued reciprocity. reciprocity was mina’s biggest thing. there was a channel for people to post their stuff on, so the rest of us could browse and read and reblog. i, admittedly, didn’t do as much of that as i wish i did, but part of it was because i do have a life outside of the internet, a memory and attention span the size of a gnat, and because like. 90% of the stuff that people put in the promos channel were things like edits, writeblr intros, wip intros, etc etc, when all i wanted was to just read some actual writing. but that’s neither here nor there. what got hilarious to me, though, was whenever mina’s fervent admirers would talk about how mina was, quote, a pillar of the community. how vv was doing something No Other Writeblr Group Had Done Before. how Important and Special this server was.

folks. i’ve been on here for several years now. we don’t have a community. we have a bunch of little cliques who reblog from their friends and complain about people not reblogging them. noah fence, but come on. vv got pretty dang big, but it was still a small corner of a small section of tumblr. like. sorry, all y’all, but them’s the breaks.

also, this was hilarious to me bc there are several big writeblrs who have been running around long before mina and vv showed up. yet, according to these people in the server, mina had Single-handedly Brought Hope To This Desolate Wasteland.

in the end, vv became just another little clique whose members reblogged from their friends. i don’t want to devalue the good that did come out of vv. a lot of the picture being painted rn was that the majority of the server were scary dog-piling people. the majority of the server were just writeblrs looking to promo their stuff and talk about their writing. unfortunately, few bad apples, bad rep, negatives outshine positives, etc etc. but i think it did do some good re: exposure for a few folks, even tho it didn’t turn into what it could have been. 

another one of the things that was a minor irritant to me was that they eventually started archiving the vent channel, which was probably the most-used channel. that didn’t sit right to me, but as always, i was a coward had nothing to say about it, so i didn’t. the reason given was that there were often things in the vent channel that people might regret being there, so it was periodically archived and a fresh channel started.

so i’m rambling a lot about stuff that’s probably boring and inconsequential. that’s 90% of this whole vv thing, tho, you need to understand that. 

the biggest thing that bothered me about mina, i think, came about from the constant hero worship from her adoring fans. and i know there’s a whole argument to be said about expecting labor from people with marginalized identities, which is an argument i agree with - don’t expect someone of a minority group to educate you or to face trauma or to shut down bigots, etc etc. but by now, mina had a lot of followers in general, and in specific, she had quite a few people who would defend her at every single perceived slight.

she made a lot of those fun writeblr reblog games, like “send me a fruit that says this about my writing.” those were cool, i’ll admit that. but she was super into “you have to send an ask to the person you reblog from, RECIPROCITY!!!!!!!!!!!” and seemed to struggle with the fact that sometimes, people don’t follow her established rules on her posts for these games. she’d complain about it every single time that happened in the vent channel, which, again, that’s fine? that’s what vents are for, it’s annoying to not get cool fun asks when you do these games, but also, that’s life for you. she could depend on her fans to send her plenty of asks, whereas the much smaller blogs who reblogged these games would probably get f-all, half the time. if you’ve gone through nuwuhorizons or one of the other blogs i mentioned earlier, you’ll have run across the incident where mina’s friends harrassed an 11 year old for not doing her ask game right.

an eleven year old. 

and this is my biggest grief with mina. she only stopped her friends from dogpiling people... once? maybe twice? that i remember. and not only that, but there were SEVERAL occasions where she would get on the vent channel, complain about someone who had said something wrong on one of her posts (and sometimes, again, these were legitimate!), and then ask if someone in the server wanted to reply to them. reasons for such ranged from “i’m too busy rn” to “they would probably listen more to a white person than me.”

again. this, on occasion, is not necessarily a bad thing. we cannot expect labor and response from minorities. my issue was that she kept doing this. and sometimes it was fine, just someone who would drop a note on the post or send a polite anon. but this, to me, the whole asking someone else to fight your battles for you? that really bothered me. mina is a grown adult. either ignore it, like the rest of us chumps, or deal with it yourself. having friends support you is not a bad thing - if i was attacked on tumblr and my friends jumped in to defend me, i’m cool with that. but i wouldn’t ask them to, and then not do anything myself.

to me, this attitude just encourages dogpiling. this felt like she was taking advantage of the people admiring her so whole-heartedly, and using them to deal with minor grievances. (again, i don’t want to downplay some of the actual racism and xenophobia she experienced on this website, because there was some pretty sketchy stuff that did need someone else stepping in to object to. but then there was “ugh this person asked me what program i use to make my music and i don’t want to answer them bc that’s rude,” and stuff of that caliber. like, mina, you built yourself a pretty big following here on tumblr, you don’t get to complain when people are trying to ask you questions and engage with you when you set yourself up as a knowledgeable person on a subject.)

i’m going to mention @gingerly-writing because she already made a post on the subject, but there was an instance where we were in the vent channel and watched a lot of mina’s friends send anons and reblogs of a hurtful nature to one person. eventually, ginger stepped in to say “hey, i don’t think we need to keep doing this, they are a minor,” and after she did so, i also jumped in, saying something along the lines of, “yeah, i’ve seen this kind of stuff blow up in another server and end in a really regrettable situation where no one was happy, can we stop.” both ginger and i received a private message from the mods (individually) saying that we shouldn’t police the chat, etc etc. not during that message, but on the vent channel, another mod jumped in to say that the people dogpiling the blogger were also minors. as if that makes it okay, and isn’t actually extremely worrying in its own right.

after that, i pretty much took a stance of “all right then i just won’t say anything at all.” i stuck around vv because i hated myself actually really liked a few of the others in the server, including a couple of the mods who are actually really cool people, not all the vv mods are sketch, and because honestly? i lowkey knew that vv was going to crash and burn sometime, and i wanted to be there to watch what happened. due to the pandemic, and her line of work, mina became less active, and the whole server died down a bit. 

then someone reblogged one of mina’s ‘art’ posts and accused her of tracing. mina’s admirers immediately jumped into action. nuwuhorizons has it pretty well documented on their blog. there was nothing in the server about it, except one of the others said “oh man i saw that and it pissed me off,” there was some minor chat, and then i woke up and wanted to know what had happened, and was told “don’t worry about it.”

so, naturally, bc the only thing i thirst for is water and Drama(TM), i went looking for it.

found it on some of mina’s friend’s blogs, where i found who had reblogged and said mina was tracing, and followed those reblog chains, where several of mina’s followers attacked the accuser and made fun of their name and age and defended mina, pulling out progress videos and stuff of mina’s work. the accuser was trans and still a teenager, even if technically an adult, so that made things a lot worse. mina eventually posted something explaining that she was pencil tracing and had a very cheery, false-positive tone to the whole thing.

things sorta ended at that, but then maybe the same day, or the day after, user hyba made that big ol post about the Big Scary Tumblr Mirror Website Copying All Your Good, Hard Work. mina and her friends jumped on this. they threw it in the server and talked about things like intellectual property rights and “i don’t like how this makes me feel :(” and from there, went in to how tumblr was a terrible garbage site and then mina and most of the mod team decided that it was time to pack up VV and leave tumblr completely. 

pretty much everyone i know were mina’s besties have vanished off tumblr. mina made an announcement that VV was “migrating” off tumblr and discord(???) and dropped another application to join the great vv migration. i did not apply bc i just have too freaking much going on in my life and needed to get out of this for the sake of my own mental health. it was tempting as hell, tho, i will say that. 

a couple things about this - at the time, mina is also having some pretty bad things going on in her family. she was very vague on the details, but i think that really contributed to wanting to leave; on top of the pandemic and everything else, she was probably heckin stressed. but also like. she never called out her followers for attacking her accuser. she never made any sort of post talking about it. she never told her friends on the server “hey don’t do that.” she never took accountability for it, or, honestly, for anything else she or her friends have done that didn’t feel too good. the mirror sites aren’t really a big deal. 

after the server was archived, it was left up a couple days so everyone could grab contact info, etc. during this time, i was checking the ‘violetvineyard’ tag and saw someone post “what happened to mvcreates they haven’t answered my application to vv,’ and i responded with “oh, the server closed down bc of the copy cat sites.”

the same day, i got a tumblr DM from one of the former mods asking me not to give away any details about vv leaving tumblr. it was very politely worded and everything, but it was still just like

okay? vv is over? why are you asking me not to say anything. and it wasn’t like i was even spilling any hot goss, i was just repeating the excuse (and i do mean excuse) mina gave us. 

anyway, that mod is off tumblr, too, as far as i know, or else they stealthin. which is fine, u do u, buddy.

uhh conclusion time, i guess? i have a few scattered screenshots of things, but i’m not posting em bc i’m lazy and also running late for a thing. but really, for me, i didn’t have a whole lot of beef with mina or pretty much any of the other folks on vv. i thought that mina and her friends were a bit too eager for blood, and that really bothered me. i’m annoyed they shut down vv completely, because it could actually have been something great. if mina wanted off writeblr, i wish she had given the whole network over to people interested in running it; instead, what was a good thing for a lot of people is now completely gone, with no existing framework for people to build on. sure, anyone can go make their own network/family for writeblr, but now it’s just going to splinter into a bunch of different, smaller groups, and we’re all back to square one.

but whatever. i didn’t get to see the server go down in flames, instead it just ended with a hasty retreat and a few whimpers, and quite honestly i wished my staying in had paid off.

i do want to reiterate - there were quite a few people in vv who i think are great, and this does include some of the mods themselves.

i’ve also gotten a couple messages from a few other folks who had been in vv who have their own real, real sketch stories, which are making me rethink how i feel about mina and her friends, and all the good credit i gave them. i just wanted to present this bc it’s my blog and i do what i want, fight me.

and if anyone wants to chat about vv, hit me up. i keep things as private as you want them to be, and i love love love talking about this nonsense. Give Me The Deets.

[hmgfanfic]

Talk about all the Fillory worldbuilding in LQoF, please :)

THIS IS INEXCUSABLY LATE. I’m so sorry!

And I wish I could say it was just my scatterbrainedness, which is definitely a constant factor, but it was also that when you sent this, I was deeeeeeeep into writing the final few chapters of Little Quirks of Fate and I was kind of... in my head about it. It took a lot longer to finish than I had planned (a cardinal sin to my particular combo of severe ADHD and Type-A personality) and I was spending excessive amounts of time making sure I figured out a satisfying ending by my own exacting standards, so I just didn’t have the headspace to think through my early process yet. Very sorry about that :( But now that I’m finally done, I’m excited to look back! So if you’ll indulge me a very late answer, I’d be tickled. 💗

Long ramblings and major fic spoilers under the cut.

The truth is a lot the world building came down to character stuff foremost, followed closely by my preferences as a writer. I adapted the world to the story I wanted to tell, while using the little bits of information we’re given in canon as a baseline, rather than building the story around the world. And that was a lot more fulfilling for me, since I only really love worldbuilding through the lens of character, rather than as an exercise unto itself (though it’s super fun once you get rolling.)

To explain what I mean by that, you need to know that Little Quirks of Fate was originally going to be a oneshot. My plan was about 25-30k (lol) of a pure S2 retelling, only with Quentin in the role of Fen. It was also going to take a much more traditional enemies-to-lovers’ path—with Quentin as an active member of the FU Fighters—and the whole thing was going to be in his POV. Also, they weren’t even going to kiss until after the bank heist (which, yes, was going to be a thing here), but that got abandoned the fastest in favor of trying my hand at smut. But two things made me realize I needed to significantly shift course:

1) I was struggling to make Quentin actually feel like Quentin. I wrote this very atmospheric early scene at the FU Fighters encampment, with lots of description of the bonfires and the way their shirts dyed in Fillorian red looked like blood (you get it.) It took place in the black of night, shrouded in secrecy, and when Bayler questioned Quentin about his new husband, Quentin said something like, “He’s a drunk idiot, we have the advantage.” It was all very lush and dramatic, but it really, really, really didn’t feel like Q in any recognizable way to me. Now, I’m not someone who thinks Q needs to be a precious sweetheart all the time, but what I was writing didn’t have his idiosyncrasies or a motivation that felt true to who I feel he is.

2) The draft was DEFINITELY missing Eliot’s story and his perspective. I certainly don’t think Eliot’s POV is always necessary (sometimes not having his direct thoughts heightens tension in romance especially), but it felt really necessary here, to fill in the gaps of what Quentin was assuming and also—more importantly—because the events were just as impactful on him, but in a very different way. So I knew I was missing half the narrative, but that meant I would need to deal more explicitly with the Beast (i.e., Mike, the most devastating storyline to me, personally) and I really, really didn’t want to do that.

My first step in making a more recognizable Quentin was figuring out a way he could more or less use the same syntax that he does on the show. Voice is the first way I connect with a character, so while many writers in this fandom thrive at modifying speech patterns and keeping the heart of a character alive, keeping close to Quentin’s canon speech was an easy fix for me in a story I was excited to get rolling. Sort of like the old adage of uplifting your strengths before putting outsize energy into things you struggle with.

The easiest way I could think to give him the same syntax was to figure out a way Quentin spent some significant time on Earth during his formative years. And once I rewatched 2x06 and was reminded that Ess went to Phillips Exeter Academy for high school, I lost my damn mind. I started sketching out ways that Quentin could get there too and that’s how I built out the idea of Umber brokering a marriage deal with the actual landmass of Coldwater Cove, which included an education opportunity for the boys (in a nod to Fillory’s patriarchal nature), and also the reason why Umber did that, which was to take advantage of his brother’s orgy mistake with the first Children of Earth to usher in a more productive and orderly Fillory. So that created a whole new set of rules and essentially a whole new world for me to play with... all for the sake of Quentin getting to say “fuck.” It was that important to me. :p

And as I worked through all that, I realized I also wanted to give Q magic, since Quentin’s relationship with magic is something I’m interested in. But I had read on ye olde Tumblr that the reason Illario uses a wand in 2x06 is a nod to the books, where Fillorians specifically aren’t Magicians and that’s the rationale for the Children of Earth royalty. And while I generally see the books as interesting supplemental material with zero bearing on the television show canon, I still said to myself, “Self, wouldn’t it be kind of funny if Quentin was the only native born Fillorian who had magic and so the FU Fighters believe he’s the chosen true High King, but instead of it being because he’s ~special~, it’s because Umber made a clerical error? Lol! Hilarious!”

So while all my questions for how to explain all THAT spun out into more and more detail, at the same time...

I caved to the idea that this story was going to be a No Beast AU, just like my last two stories, mostly because I really couldn’t bring myself to deal with the Mike of it all, even tangentially. I could have just changed that single element, but I’m not a half-measure gal! But I still wanted to stick with the vague background theme of Fillory = adulthood from a questing perspective and I wanted Julia leading the charge this time, but without the sexual assault that occurs in canon. So obviously, the answer was avenging all of the murdered and cannibalized “grown-ups,” i.e., master Magicians, by seeking out help from the gods in a balanced Fillory free from the devastation of the Beast. Duh! ;)

So then, like anyone would do, I rewatched every episode up to 4x11 that makes a mention of Fillory and took about twenty pages of notes on the canon worldbuilding, along with an analysis of how much a particular piece of information would be impacted or not by balance in the realm. For instance, the existence of geraniums (per The Fillorian Candidate and Tick’s misunderstanding of “power plants”) and the lack of diamonds as a precious stone (per the River Watcher not knowing the value of Margo’s earrings in Knight of Crowns) struck me as static facts unaffected by Ember’s reign of chaos. But I shifted the overall feel of Fillory to one that’s more functional and a lot more bureaucratic, leaning on things like the existence of socialized health/vision/dental insurance (the idea of which is canonical, per a petition from the beavers requesting dental coverage from acting High King Josh in Ramifications), strict taxation plans, and an overall sense of thriving Ceremony to show Umber’s influence.

Basically, I wanted Eliot to inherit a much, much easier Fillory to rule—especially with the highly educated Quentin as a built-in and passionate advisor—mostly so it wouldn’t completely strain credulity when a lot of his energy goes toward his love life rather than the intricacies of ruling (though Margo would say he still favored his personal life more than he should have, and she wasn’t... wrong. He wants to be a husband more than a king!) But I specifically made it so most of the chaotic elements were played as whimsical (sorry) quirky shit or smaller hints of greater injustice (see: Ember getting rid of STDs, but still letting magic-poor citizens die of sepsis because that’s too boring to deal with), all while a cataclysmic danger lurked under the surface.

After that, I just filled in details as they worked with character stuff and plot stuff, and I tried to make sure they didn’t contradict each other in a way that couldn’t be chalked up to “chaos.” I basically lived with the Fillory map open all the time and also took screenshots of Benedict’s map of Loria, which gave me alternate ideas for the overall feel of the landmass rather than just the kingdom. And pretty much that’s the basic process I used to create the world! It was extremely fun, and I learned a lot, though I’m *definitely* focusing on some pure relationship kind of stuff for a while because... oof, sometimes it was a lot.

Annnnnnnd if you’re still with me, here’s some stray observations, for funsies:

I wanted Quentin and Eliot’s starting points to be more mature than in the show. Quentin when we’re introduced to him as an adult in LQoF is a lot more jaded and cautious than S1 Q, which is because in this world, his S1 mentality happened while he was on Earth and came to a head during the throes of his fucked up relationship with Bayler. Similarly, Eliot had already gone through a lot of shit too, and was much more self-actualized by the time he agreed to be High King here than in the show. It was still out of desperation for purpose, but not coming out of a direct trauma spiral. I think if they had been younger, both in age and mentality, the story wouldn’t have worked because they would’ve blown it up day two. They’re both still disasters, as we like to say, which is why the... everything happens, but they’re not disasters in the exact same way as in early canon. I thought of them as closer to their S3 selves, pre-Mosaic.

While I mostly kept Quentin’s syntax the same as on the show, I did change it up in some ways to reflect his Fillorian upbringing. The most obvious was replacing “goddamn” with “godsdamned” and “Jesus” with “Hades,” but I also made him slow on the Earth idiomatic uptake and slightly more likely to use passive voice and less likely to use contractions, especially early on and especially when speaking with Fen. He also said slightly out of date things even for someone who last remembered 1999, since Earth was still overwhelming despite his immersion. E.g.: In the epilogue, he asks Eliot if he can spend some time “Googling the World Wide Web” instead of watching Gossip Girl together, even though by 1999 most people were saying “on-line” or “the internet” by a pretty wide margin. But in my mind, the first term he learned was World Wide Web and he stuck to it like glue.

I originally had a full-blown coronation scene, where Quentin helped Eliot with the answers to the 90s questions via subtle charades, such as flapping his hands at his sides to give him the answer “Wings” (and Eliot was eventually going to Eliot-Logically use that moment to argue to Quentin that maybe Q really is the true High King since he was the one who actually answered the Knight’s questions, etc.), but I cut it and only showed bits and pieces in flashbacks because it didn’t really matter. They had to treat it seriously because it was An Event in this version of balanced/un-Beasted Fillory, with a full audience bearing witness, but the whole thrust of the external plot was about dismantling that moment and the concept of monarchy in general, so giving it too much weight outside of the Eliot and Julia friendship felt disingenuous to the story I was telling.

This is also why it was important to me that Margo hated the title High King Eliot the Kind, even though I only brought it up textually once or twice. But in my view, she fucking hated it and never came around to it. Which isn’t because she doesn’t think Eliot is kind, it’s that it felt like a simplification of all that he is, and the coronation ceremony in general felt similarly shallow. It wasn’t just the four of them working out their shit on the beach; it was true ceremony after a year of questing toil and a lot lingering uncertainty/resentments (especially regarding Julia), so it was too Big Shiny Happy Bow to her.

Yet on the same theme, my greatest regret was not being able to work in the fact that Margo’s title for Penny (King Penny the Persistent) was supposed to be half-sincere and half-sex joke. She did genuinely admire that he stuck it out even through his initial heartbreak because he gives a shit about his people underneath it all, but—and this is a very important headcanon to me—she admired his dedication to the art of the female orgasm even more.

I was originally also going to include the One Day More sequence with way more details—such as Umber taking the Javert lines, Ember taking the Thenardier lines, Bayler taking the Enjolras lines, and Penny taking the Marius lines, but... uh... writing a musical number is apparently not in my skill set. Also, honestly, the weirdness of the original is its whole charm and so I didn’t want to improve upon perfection. See also, in a more serious way: Eliot bowing to High King Margo on the Muntjac, the events of Plan B, and Quentin & Penny in the Flying Forest. Would not touch it!

My favorite Fillorian detail was either the guy who sent a citizen petition requesting a “smidgen” of Eliot’s earwax for an undisclosed purpose, or the use of the verb “to peg” to describe a Pegasus flock greeting an outsider with honor. They encapsulate the obscene yet pristine feel I always tried to give Fillory.

My favorite subtle(-ish?) ironic moment is Ess, the heir to a hereditary monarchy, taking Quentin to task for not honoring the anarchy patch on his high school backpack. In general, I don’t like everything being neatly resolved, including on an overarching world level. And I very strongly felt they had ZERO business meddling in Loria, so it left some fun-to-me unanswered questions. Will Ess usher in democracy for Loria based on his experiences on Earth? Maybe! Maybe not, since tradition’s a hell of a drug and Loria has its own history and complexities. Who knows?

I misread the town name Sutton as Sultan on the map the first time I referenced Bayler’s hometown (Sultan’s Ridge), but instead of going back to fix it, I just made it a sister town. Whatever!

I do not know how Quentin got a full bookshelf of Earth literature back to Fillory with him. Magic, I guess. (That’s the answer to anything I didn’t totally think through.)

I occasionally get asked whether Quentin and Fen were physically related. The answer is no, though it doesn’t totally matter. But I intended heart-cousins to be more like close family friends. (Though I actually originally had a joke where Eliot still wasn’t sure by the epilogue, but it didn’t land/feel realistic so I cut it.)

The details of the magic frequency poisoning were DEFINITELY what I thought through the least. My main goal was to have something catastrophic happen to Fillory based in part from the historical actions of the Children of Earth and Ember, patently ridiculously but with lasting consequences. Hence, god orgy that took away Fillorian human magic and sent out a slow poisoning of the overall magic “frequency.” It sounds all well and good, but it’s definitely something that would fall apart with even the lightest bit of prodding. It serves it’s purpose though, so I figured the gaps could be filled in or politely ignored. ;)

This question was way too much fun and a helpful retrospective for me! Thank you so much for indulging me, many moons ago. 💗