#sorry for the length I got a little rambly lmao

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

Some betrothed/royalty au doodles, ft. Reader soothing Eclipse during one of his stressed-to-the-point-of-breaking-down-moments, and the first time Reader met Sun (and, not realizing who he was or that he was a royal, decided to start happily chatting with him as if they were on the same level, which caught Sun off guard lmao)

Some betrothed/royalty AU tidbits n info below the cut!

- Reader is a footman! Or,, lady in waiting. Or foot,,person,,, in waiting. Whatever the gender neutral version is, they’re that to Eclipse!

- They’ve known Eclipse for a long time! They were born to a servant who worked in his castle, and tended to follow their mother around as she worked- occasionally crossing paths with Eclipse, and sometimes playing games with him when he was avoiding his tutoring or responsibilities sjdhdjd

- They’re smart and practical, and Eclipse wants to make them his advisor as soon as he has the jurisdiction to do so. They’re very good at seeing the issues politicians debate over from the outside view, one of the people, but also can keep in mind what the political side to an issues is, and Eclipse often asks them what they think when they’re alone and considers it very unfair that their voice would never be taken seriously if brought up at the table.

- Eclipse has had a crush on them for a while lmao

- Also he’s over protective and jealous and has broken at least one(1) bone in defending reader from a rude servant or pushy royal lol :3

- (he has extensively researched ways he could possibly marry Reader without making the entire kingdom hate them n call them a manipulative vex for it)

- Sun and Moon overlook two neighboring kingdoms and have been ‘betrothed’/co-ruling them for a long time! Eclipse’s counsel has decided it would be a good idea to have Eclipse, when he takes charge of his kingdom, be the third to this ally-ship and make a trifecta of three countries that can act as one

- So they’re not really BETROTHED betrothed, but the social implication is basically the same lmao

- (none of them r super thrilled, Eclipse especially lmaoooo)

- Reader first meets Sun separately from Moon, and assumes he’s just a fellow servinghand at the banquet being held to celebrate Eclipse n Sun n Moon meeting under the same roof for the first time

- They start chatting with him like it’s no big deal and he’s so used to ppl being all kiss-ass or backhanded that he can’t stop thinkin abt it for days

- They meet Moon in the garden! They show him their favorite spots and a small patch of blue violets they’ve been trying to cultivate

- When they realize who Sun and Moon are, they just about die on the spot from pure societal horror

- They try to apologize in a thousand different ways, but Sun n Moon, more than a little intrigued/smitten with them, both won’t have it and encourage them to be just as they were

- Before Sun n Moon realize they have feelings for Reader, they realize ECLIPSE has feelings for Reader, and, definitely not bc they r big jealous and also in love with Reader, make it their personal mission to cockblock make sure Eclipse never has the chance to confess or have an almost-kiss with Reader

- Reader loves Eclipse! When that love turned romantic is unsure, and how they’ve been able to cope is by Not Acknowledging The Feelings At All and also denial lmao. When they start to crush on Sun n Moon, they can’t rlly deny the feelings anymore and have several existential and romantic themed crises over it

- None of the boys tell each other about their feelings for Reader bc they all just messy like that <3

- When they all end up confessing to Reader, it’s separately and secretly, and Reader is so shocked that they just say “HHUH UM YYEA I LIKE U ALSO” without thinking

- So now they have three secret royalty bfs and have several more existential crises about whether this is cheating and how in the good golly fuck they got THIS many sweet mans all 🥺👉👈 over them

THATS ALL I GOT FOR NOW LOL OK BYE SORRY FOR LENGTH N RAMBLES

[1eoness]

Request?

I need Leon starting to date a girl with curly hair and he LOVES her curls and tries to learn how to style them

i'm not sure how you want me to format this im sorry so i'll just write like a list of hcs GRRRRRRR but i love the curly hair stuff HEHHEEHHE

content: fluffy leon kennedy with fem curly-haired! reader

synopsis (?) : leon kennedy has a curly-haired girlfriend :3

-leon's hair has ALWAYS been straight ash so when he saw you and the way you took care of your curl he was like woah :0

-it's like a level of enlightenment to him lol (jk)

-this man will always look at you while he has the chance so you can expect him to pick up on your routines. sometimes he'll be present in the bathroom while you're doing your little hair pampering routine and he's like 'so what's that?' and points at a bottle and u have to explain it to him LMAO

-no matter what the length (hell you could be bald) leon loves your head because 1. it holds your pretty lil face 2. your HAIR

-and idk i just have a general hunch that this man just loves carding his fingers through your hair or your head a lot (as you can notice from my first works lol)

-and leon is MESMERIZED by your curls everytime. whenever leon is standing behind you at a queue or waiting for you to finish doing something, like say putting your makeup on, his hands will absentmindedly bounce on the ends of your curls and just watch them go boioioiioioing

-there was a time when you were at a night bar with leon and some other friends. you guys were sat on stools and your back was turned to him while you were conversing with your friend, and leon just kept bouncing the ends of your curly locks because it's like a satisfying fidget to him.

-he loves the shape, the texture, the way it feels in his fingers (especially when he pulls on it in bed oops im sorry hehe)

-and tbh what can i say? leon likes taking care of you and that can apply to different parts of your everyday life; before you go to sleep he reminds you to take your vitamins, and whenever you come home and he's there he will undo your shoelaces :3. but he will NEVER forget to brush your hair (especially if it's long as hell, he knows ur arms probably get tired brushing through it and applying product through it)

-if you were bashful at first and said it was okay, he insisted with a lighthearted and joking tone. he's like 'i got the strength for this c'mon gimme that brush NEOWWW'

-HE WILL PRINCESS YOU LIKE THIS SASSY PRINCESS OF A MAN WILL PRINCESS U

leon loves to approach his pretty girl while she's perched in front of the mirror. he sees you brushing your wet curly locks and, silently, walks up to you from behind. he's a rather silent man right now while he takes your hairbrush from your hands, your arm slowly stopping its brushing motions as you looked up at his reflection; him being behind you while his eyes are downcast to your locks. "and where's my love going?" he asks with a mild tease. he knows you're going out somewhere because you seem to smile a little more when you're anticipating some plans. you giggled while feeling leon gently brush your hair with tenderness. maybe by narration it sounds obscure, but he adores the back of your hair while you're rambling about your day so far and where you're heading off to next. "so she's a busy girl. hm?" leon grins slightly, eyes locked onto your soft hair while he helps in spreading moisturizing product (rather expensive product that leon willingly paid for u bc, well, he loves you like that) on your hair in moderate amounts, being careful not to accidentally pull your head back or something lol. his fingers tread and work caringly— and he even scratches his fingertips on your scalp lightly and briefly to top it off ♡ he continues the rest of the brief conversation with his thumb gently stroking your wispy baby hairs, and you're just so cute to him he just wants to eat u tbh

-and whether you want him to put some lil bows, ribbons, clips or extensions in it is up to you. you probably have an array of hair accessories and leon memorizes all of them. he knows when one is new and which ones are the ones you've always had in your dresser/vanity.

-speaking of, leon LOVES seeing you accessorize your hair. beads, hairclips, anything that furtherly charms your pretty hair literally makes him melt you have this man in an entirely different state of matter atp he just loves you sm argghh. one time you let him put some little butterfly clips in your hair after teaching him how they're clipped on and you had leon WHIPPED the entire time in front of that vanity ♡

-omfg and leon does this thing where whenever he's hugging or cuddling you from behind, he nuzzles his face in the back of your head and start inhaling your hair like you're some sort of freshly-washed pillow. it tickles a little for you and he can feel your frame repulsing or squirming in his arms but leon doesnt rlly care lol (he's kinda sorry)

-i feel like leon has more of a tendency to ruffle your curly hair if it's short, maybe like above shoulder length or something.

[zuureleena]

i drew the mercs, miss pauling, admin, and my tf2 oc on the plane to uni 😭

i did all of these a week ago and completely forgot to post them HAJAHAH miss p, the admin, and a rlly simplified ver of my tf2 oc miss lynn!! (zoey lynn hehe + js rambles abt her) under the cut

IM ACTUALLY REWORKING HER DESIGN RNNNN bcs i made her on the sims 4 LMAO and realised how much better and concise she looked, but i really wanna try and make her look like someone you'd js see irl? sooOOo tryna make her also recognisable from silhouette alone and blahablahblah tho she isn't the kind of character that would rlly make too much of a difference in the tf2 universe

i js wanted to make a loveable character LMAO who'd have more of an impact on the relationships and kinda the story?

i liked the idea of miss p having an extroverted bestfriend who's also her wingwoman bcs miss pauling is obvs an awkward lesbian mess who needs help in the love department, and vice versa bcs zoey is into scout and miss pauling is js so glad to have him move on n realise that they r better as friends!! and that he needs to be with someone who isn't annoyed by him 24/7 (IM SORRY, LWNAKS MY SELF-INSERTEDNESS GOT IN THE WAY HAHAHAHA I CANT HELP IT) also, i haven't rlly thought of any orientation for zoey... i'm thinking of her js being a het woman or js whatever u wanna interpret her as!! cuz her sexuality isn't a core thing abt her

she's an absolute harbinger of chaos who'd do anyt for money and some company (this girl has been hella lonely n stressed out of her mind and i'll explain why in an oc post🤭🤭) and even tho she never outright admits it, she does enjoy the freedom of violence she gets to have as a mann co assistant 😭 (which will ALSO make sense when i explain her background to u guys later on)

and bcs of her long experience w shady bosses and asshole customers she's had to deal within all the jobs she's had, she catches onto the administrator's whole thing with the australium fairly early into the job, but she's in tooooo deep now and is like "damn. do i get myself out of this fucked up job (that i am fucked up enough to actually enjoy) or do i stay bcs i literally have everything i've ever wanted....shit." like,, she did say she'd do anyt for money but at the cost of what 😭 [also MAN i wish we got that final comic so i can js make zoey's suspicions make sense??!?@ but in a way it js works bcs it's js this massive mystery that we don't even know of ourselves???? so likeee, im js assuming its smth rlly dangerous or smth bcs helen literally goes to the most insane lengths to get australium and finish off her final... thingy.. that uh DEBT is it... i forgot what she called it BUT WHATEVER BUSINESS SHE HAD TO ATTEND TO B4 SHE DIED QOABJASH]

OH AND YEAH, zoey hates how bossy the admin is and is an ass abt it at times, and the admin wants zoey gone so badly bcs shes an annoying little shit (which she is and honestly, her and scout can be annoying shits tgt <3) but miss p always convinces her to keep zoey BAGAHAHA and they do get things done much faster w zoey there sooOoOOo 🌝🤭

i mean she does try to kill both miss p & l anyway but still, she can't deny that they r both good at what they do

BWOSBQJS BYE I DONT THINK ANYONE IS GONNA READ THIS AHAGAH BUT THANK YOU IF U DID 😭 I HAVE SM ABT ZOEY AND I RLLY WANT HER TO BE LOVEABLE AUGHWGS

[cleoooelizabeth]

Hyunjin (SKZ) x Female Reader (Y/N)

Y/N is moving to South Korea and she is extremely nervous, until she bumps into Hyunjin…

Warnings: fluff, flirting, angst, racism (Hyunjin coming to your rescue, not that you need it). Also, I don’t know Korean so they will all speak English, just use your imagination lmao.

Chapter 1

Y/N steps off the plane at Incheon International Airport, Y/N breathes in the air as she truly begins to come to terms with the fact that she will be starting a new life, in a new country, and she doesn’t know anyone.

There’s no point in panicking yet, she muses, she hadn’t even left the airport yet. Y/N takes her time through the airport, knowing that her luggage would still be there even if she didn’t shove her way through the crowd like the rest of the seemingly distressed travelers.

Once Y/N arrived at the baggage claim, her pastel pink suitcase was still on the conveyor belt, as she predicted. Most of the crowd had cleared so she had no issues removing it from the belt. Y/N got her suitcase and her hand luggage situated comfortably before she turned to leave the airport. 

“OW!” Y/N exclaims as she walks face first into a solid wall-like object. She rubs her nose as she looks up at the intrusion, locking eyes with one of the most beautiful men she had ever seen. Pulling her gaze away, she looks down at the smudge of foundation she knew would be on his brilliantly white shirt. 

“Shit, I’m sorry, let me pay for the dry cleaning or something. How much was the shirt?” She rambles.

“It’s Chanel. I don’t know if you’d be able to afford it. But don’t worry, I have more anyway.” He states.

“Cocky, aren’t we?” Y/N raises her eyebrow, her neck straining to see his face, which allows her to realize that they were still standing very close to each other. She hadn’t been able to back away after walking into him as the conveyor belt was behind her legs.

He smirks when he notices how nervous she is. “I’m Hyunjin, what’s your name?”

“Uh, Y/N.” It comes out almost as a whisper, he makes her breathless.

“Pretty name, for a pretty girl.” He compliments her, the smirk still pulling at his full lips.

“I better get going, I still need to pick up my keys. I’m moving into my new flat, in Hongdae, today.” Y/N says, her excitement obvious.

“Ok, but do you have any clue where you’re going?” Hyunjin asks, moving back a little.

“Not really, no. I was going to just book a taxi, I have the address.” Y/N states, pulling up the notes app on her phone and showing it to Hyunjin so he can save it in his GPS.

“Well I have a perfectly functional car and plenty of spare time if you’d like me to take you. Don’t want you wandering the streets of Seoul.”

“Ok, yeah. I mean, we just met… but I’m tired and you’re pretty. So yes, onward!” She exclaims, he laughs with her, admiring her waist length braids swaying with her hips as she walks ahead of him.

She stops suddenly, pivoting to face him again. “I just realised; I have no clue where your car is. After you, pretty boy.” She giggles. Hyunjin finds her even more adorable now, he didn’t think that was possible.

Once they reach the car, Hyunjin takes her luggage, putting it in the boot of the car with his own bag. He watches as she slips into the passenger seat, her knees bouncing as she waits patiently for him to get into the driver’s seat.

Hyunjin can feel her eyes on him as he starts the car, he places his hand on her head rest as he looks behind to reverse. He looks down and notices her breathing pick up slightly.

“You good? You look a little nervous.” He smirks, once again.

“I’m fine.” She clears her throat and faces the windscreen, hands clasped together in her lap.

‘He’s getting a kick out of this.’ Y/N thinks to herself.

“Ok well, can you put that address into the GPS app so I know where I’m driving.” He says as he unlocks his phone and passes it to her.

He focuses on the road as she types. “There.” Y/N declares as she places his phone into the holder on the dashboard. She then relaxes into the seat, however, her nerves are still obvious as her knee continues to bounce.

“You can relax, you know. I don’t bite.” He winks, suggestively.

Now all she can think about is him sinking his teeth into that sensitive spot between her neck and shoulder. Her thighs squeezing together at the thought.

“How long will it take to drive there?” Y/N questions, a feeble attempt at distracting herself from this ethereal man.

“About an hour, with this traffic.” He answers without taking his eyes off the road.

His head twitches to the side when he hears your stomach rumbling.

“Sorry, I’m hungrier than I thought I was.” You say, with your hands covering your face in embarrassment.

“Ok, why don’t we stop along the way. I can take you to the best places so you can have the best first authentic Korean food experience, if you’d like.” He suggests.

“I’d actually like that a lot.” Y/N mutters with a shy smile.

After an hour or so, Hyunjin had parked the car next to a building that looked like no one had been there in years.

“Where the hell are we?” Y/N questions. 

“Here is where you will taste the best tteokbokki of your life.” Hyunjin replies, his face entirely sincere.

“Why are you doing this?” She questions him. “You’re being so kind to me, someone you just met.”

She watches his face as he thinks. 

“I know I don’t have to do this, but I liked your vibe from the moment I met you, so here we are.” He states. “Now come on.” He takes her hand and pulls her into the restaurant.

They sit opposite each other at a table close to the entrance.

“Yu-gi-yo!” Hyungin raises his voice slightly to get the waiter’s attention.

The waitress quickly walks over after hearing Hyunjin call them over.

“What can I get for you?” The waitress asks, sickly sweet.

It’s very obvious that she is attracted to him, I mean, who wouldn’t be? She notices, however, that his attention hasn’t left the woman he came in with.

“2 orders of tteokbokki, please.” He informs the waitress, his eyes still on Y/N.

The waitress exhales dramatically, walking away to place our order, once she realizes that he is entirely uninterested.

Y/N sits for a moment, feeling a little awkward. “You’re staring.”

“I prefer the term, observing.” He corrects her.

“Call it whatever you want, I just wanna know why you’re doing it.” Y/N huffs.

Hyunjin continues to stare at Y/N, entirely disinterested in her developing discomfort, but aware of her building arousal.

Fortunately, the food arrives before he could make the situation anymore tense.

“Go ahead, taste it…” He encourages her.

Y/N hesitantly takes a bite of a soft looking rice cake. Once in her mouth, her eyes nearly roll back into her skull, the flavour overwhelming her taste buds.

“You like it?” He asks, his facial expression hopeful.

“It’s delicious.” Y/N responds, her mouth still half full of tteokbokki.

“Of course, it’s a classic.” Hyunjin states as he shovels in a mouthful of his own.       

 

                

“My god, I don’t think I’ve ever been this full in my life!”

“So, you liked it then?” Hyunjin inquires.

“You knew I’d like it, who couldn’t? It’s the best thing I’ve ever tasted!” Y/N replies with enthusiasm.

“Ok, well, if you liked that, I’m sure you can trust my opinion from now on, right?” He asks.

“I believe so, yes.” She replies.

“Then, follow me.”

And she does.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

For the ship game: Leopika and Hisoillu! I don't know your ship taste well so I'm just hitting a couple other big HxH ships hrjfjkjkdlgdfk hope you don't mind

Oh, I don't mind at all, Percy! :)

Hisoillu is... I mean... they are kind of sort of engaged (?) so. Yeah, it makes sense. Also, I can think of no one else in the universe who should be subjected to close proximity with these two on a regular basis hdfhbsdhj. Congrats, you're perfect for each other, just never involve anyone else in what you've got going on ever. Truthfully, I'm kind of indifferent towards it as a ship. It makes sense to me, but it's not something I actively seek out in fanworks I suppose. It's just, yeah, Hisoka and Illumi are together. Happy for them lol. I guess it's mostly because I think murder is their love language and I just... can't see them being romantic with each other in a lot of the more typical ways that characterize many fanworks. Do they want to kill each other, or are they into each other? The answer is both - the murder is an intrinsic aspect of the "being into each other" hdjfbvhd. That said, I think they have a pretty healthy respect for each other, due to probably being evenly matched, I'd say. I think Hisoka genuinely finds Illumi good company, and Illumi readily has fairly casual conversations with Hisoka. Their dynamic is kind of fascinating actually, and I do honestly think they're kind of perfect for each other. Diversity win??? Loss??? I'm honestly not sure lmao

Leopika :') I love the potential for them. Sadly, they don't have all that many interactions in the canon manga, so I would ordinarily say it doesn't make a huge amount of sense, but then we have the 99 anime and the radio skits who seem determined to ship them so hfbgjdhj I have no clue. I'm weird about this ship because I tend to alternate between "yeah they're cute" and "oh god. oh god. them. AAARGGHHH" and experiencing emotional damage hahaha. I am like this with no other ship. It's very strange to me.

The one thing is that I'm extremely picky with Kurapika characterization, in any art or story. If Kurapika doesn't read right to me, I just can't suspend my disbelief. I'm really not big on the "mom and dad" characterization, though no shade to anyone who is.

Peak Leopika dynamic to me takes into account not just Leorio's concern and Kurapika's walls, but also their mutual stubbornness and Kurapika's hilarious tendency to annoy Leorio on purpose. To me, I've always felt that he likes Leorio because he's a guy who wears his heart on his sleeve and values individual lives so strongly, so he kind of checks that he hasn't changed that much when they see each other. I think it's kind of relieving for Kurapika, in a way, to know that Leorio will always be himself - "same old Leorio" kind of deal.

I also think Kurapika is just a little shit hjgbvsjdh

But no, I love that Leorio clearly eases up some of the pressure Kurapika feels, and seems to make him feel better about things- that's probably half the reason he keeps him at arms length. I think affectionate bickering is their love language. I also wish people noticed a little more that it's Kurapika who actually seriously initiated friendship between them, not Leorio. In most cases in the Hunter Exam, it was Kurapika approaching Leorio and showing a clear interest in sticking with him and helping him pass and achieve his dream. I think it's incredibly meaningful that one of the first people Kurapika meets and takes a liking to is this guy who wants to become a doctor - the doctor that Kurapika had left in the first place to go looking for. Anyways, I'm really looking forward to see what role Leorio will play in the current arc (just to have more Leorio, honestly, pls Togashi I miss him...), as I'm sure he will eventually find out about Emperor Time and OH BOY I'm sure that will go over well.

Erm. Sorry for rambling. I had a lot to say apparently...

[vibingandsimping]

Gonna do my best here lmao. I’m tumblr illiterate nowadays but I’m always a thirsty ho who never gets cold ykyk.

Not sure I wanna give actual name (sorry),

Nickname: Moon

Age: 30

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Bisexual

Likes: I’m a lazy bones, I have a disability so I spend a lot of time doing little crafty hobbies when I’m able to. I struggle with taking care of myself so I need a little extra help. I do love horror movies, reptiles, and my current hyper-fixations are BG3, undertale, and flip book animations. Sorry if that isn’t much to work with haha. I’m a big animal lover and have always had many.

Dislikes: Large crowds/overstimulating environments, early mornings, the current state of society lmao and people who lack patience with other peoples needs and struggles.

Romantic/‘intimate’ likes: I’m a sub through and through. I like to feel small and like for my partner to take the lead. I’m all about intense power play when it’s with a trusted partner. Some more I guess specific would be hypnosis, pet play, kidnapping (fantasy), CNC, sub training, objectification, humiliation, and like let me be clear that I love traditional house/trophy wife AS FANTASY. I don’t want to get it twisted that I can separate fantasy and reality and can practice things safely with a partner I trust. I like mean guys, gals and pals.

Physical description: Short and thick. I definitely have an ass and thick thighs. I would be comfortable describing myself as fat but still getting used to the term and how it’s being reclaimed. I have brown eyes and olive toned skin. Lots of black hair that’s a bit longer than shoulder length.

The only fandoms in the list I really know much about would be BG3 and Dead by Daylight. I love me some monsters so I’m down for that.

I hope I’m doing this right and not wasting your time with rambling haha. I love your work and regardless I appreciate your time! Absolutely no pressure!

🌑

A hoe NEVER gets cold. No worries, i’m still learning tumblr myself. I do like the inboxes, though. Honestly, it’s perfect for writers. Also do not apologize for not wanting to state your name! That’s why I included self-insert/oc if people wish for anonymity!

I am also disabled… so some of this hit close to home. :,)

Kazan Yamaoka would like you. It’d be more like a doll deal honestly. You wormed your way into his vengeful and hate-filled life. You showed him a semblance of kindness. Something he hadn’t felt in a long time. In turn, he gets to own you. Taking care of you financially and physically is nothing to him, honestly. It’s quite easy. Your needs are simple and helping you with tasks doesn’t take much from him. He’s strong and tall so he’s got that benefit.

He also takes very good care of you in bed. He’s more than happy to oblige to your kinks. It’s kind of a match made in heaven. He loves to feel big and strong. He’s got you splayed on the bed before him. His cock proud and daunting as it weeps. How in the hell are you supposed to take that? He growls at you in threat when you shrink away from him as he inches towards your face. His hand, so large it nearly wraps around your whole skull, grips your hair tightly. You part your lips in obedience as he begins to nudge them. His pre-cum coating your tongue as he slides each inch in one by one. You are already choking on half of it. His lips thin as he sneers at you. “I’ll turn you into my personal slut. I do like seeing you choke on my cock like a pathetic whore.” You moan around his length and he groans deeply. Fingers tightening their grip as he forcefully pushes a little more into your throat. Tears spring in the corner of your eyes as your airway is cut off. “Cry all you want, bitch. Fighting me is hopeless.” He glances down at you once more to confirm your desire. Then, he begins to fuck into your throat like the beast he is. Growling and ripping moans from you with each dirty and deprived phrase he utters. Your thighs rubbing together as your cunt clenches around nothing.

[stormears]

Questions 1-77 of the writer ask game >:]

Jammie decided to MAKE my night and ask me to answer every damn one the 77 Fanfic writer questions. I assume tumblr will automatically add a readmore thing to make it not be a Bible-length post. But I’ve got 15 years of fanfic history to go off of and I can ramble like nobody’s business when I’m typing.

But if you have any interest in my fics, maybe scroll a while and stop to read 2-3 of my 77 answers hmmm?

Also I shudder to think how many tags this is going to pop up in because of the ships I name here and there, sorry strangers lol

- 1) Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

I thiiiink I prefer to write oneshots because they take a shorter amount of time, meaning a few months instead of multiple years. Because multichapter stories almost always take me fucking years. And my oneshots are still extremely long and big time commitments to write. The last oneshot I wrote (JJK, gofushi) was 25k and took a little over two months and god I SLAVED over it…

2) Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

There is always at least a rough plan in my mind, if not written down in an outline or notes document somewhere. If I don’t know what is happening in the upcoming scene, I am not writing.

3) Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

I see a vision in my mind of Character Doing Thing or Characters I Ship Doing Thing Together. I create a universe that exists only to create the circumstances where they can do that thing. However even if I just want a sexy or weird af ship scene, I STILL want their to be plot elevating it all. I often struggle to tie together a plot that makes sense and isn’t fucking stupid but still caters to my stupid preferences and kinks. It’s like trying really hard to mix oil and water.

Practically, I write down all the plot beats, ideas and important bits I can think of into a Scrivener document, maybe scrape it into an Outline ish thing, and then start writing. Before Scrivener (up until end of 2021) I wrote stories in Word. And either had a separate Word document for the story’s outline/plan, or just kept the outline in my head.

Oh yeah I also have a pretty notebook from Target with roses on the cover and soft pink pages, where I write down a VERY general outline of the story or late plot beats/important things to remember to use. This isn’t as helpful or as long as the Scrivener version but I LOOOOOVE having a physical bite of my fanfic vision, seeing it outside of my head or the internet/laptop screen. As of end of 2022 I discovered I looooove writing things in journals!

4) Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

Imagination, music, books I read, movies, etc. Like everyone else I guess.

5) Do you like constructive criticism?

Fucking YES!!! I feel a tiny bit of resentment that fanfic comments seemingly have to be glowing praise all the time or you shouldn’t say anything at all. Good concrit isn’t about your preferences, but how well the scene accomplished what it set out to do, and why or why not. You can give concrit to a tentacle fucking scene and give the author advice on how to write better tentacle sex.

But the author of course reserves the right to either absorb that concrit and keep it in mind for next time, or just say/think “That person’s concrit makes sense, but I like the way I did it here because it’s hotter to me and I just like it this way so I’m not changing.”

6) Do you have your work beta'd? How important is this to your process?

Lmao no. I mean once, but lmao never again. I’ve never wanted a beta, I am my own editor and in my experience (reading my stories after posting) I generally don’t have typos or grammar to fix anyway, I catch them successfully myself.

HOWEVER…one time in 2019 I decided to try a beta for a Haikyuu fantasy AU story whose plot beats I was having a lot of trouble pinning down. I asked around on Reddit and only one person offered and I felt fed up with the story and irritated enough to just accept them, grateful for their willingness and time. The person offered next to no advice on the plot and instead corrected grammar that was wrong as a stylistic choice (little kids’ speech) and nothing else.

In exchange for their beta services, I had promised to review a story of theirs. So I read their FFN story which was a Naruto fic featuring a Kakashi crackship. I enjoyed their creative exploration of that ship but was flabbergasted to find their writing was. Um. Not that good. I mean down to seriously using “orbs” for “eyes.” That cliche was still alive in 2019 thanks to this person. It really felt like a teenager’s fic from 2008 but it was only a year old or so and they said they were 26.

I found things to compliment in their story and then happily ghosted them. No betas for me ever again.

7) How do you choose which POV to write from?

I usually write ship fic and I usually write from the POV of the character in the ship that I like more lol. Even if it’s a plot heavy fic and there’s little to no romantic or sexual scenes or vibes or whatever, if the ship is present at ALL that’s how I immediately arrange the plot/POV in my head. So I guess it just boils down to favorite character bias.

However I am toying with the idea of writing a JJK fic featuring a creepy problematic yandere character and usually such fics use the POV of the Object of Affection so you can feel the oppressive weird sexiness coming out of the screen at you. But this fic will be written from the yandere’s POV instead of my fave’s, so you can see their crazy af animal-like thoughts when their love interest runs away/goes missing which sets the plot in motion. The story is about finding that MC in a cyberpunk city, so hanging with the yandere the whole time who is forced to put themselves on a leash and solve a mystery facilitates the…mystery vibe of the story.

8) Do you prefer the beginning, middle, or end of a story?

Hmmm difficult to say because for many of my multichaptered fics I don’t even make it to their endings…again, it takes YEARS sometimes. One of my greatest fics, a MadaSaku dark fantasy au called Chasm, started in 2015 when I first had the idea, I didn’t publish Chapter 1 until 2018, it currently is sitting at 6 chapters, with C6 being posted on fucking January 1, 2021. It’s not even reached “the middle” in my opinion.

I guess I prefer…the beginning? I love setting up the intense stakes and unknown factors and threats and suspense that doesn’t yet have answers…very tasty…

9) Do you comment on stories you read?

Fucking yeah I do you want to see my post with MANY screenshots bragging about how I carry 95% of AO3 readers on my back and support the fucking economy???

I don’t tell people on twitter what my AO3 is (because I rarely talk to people on twitter and when I do they fucking ignore me anyway!!! :D) but there’s 3 separate people on twitter who have made gushing tweets floored by the length and interest in my comment. I kept those screenshots too and ahhh it feels good.

10) Cltr+f "blinks" on your WIP & copy paste the first sentence/paragraph that comes up

Nothing came up. Maybe because I don’t write in present tense. Not really a fan.

11) Link your three favorite fics right now

Uhh I’m not sure I have favorites, these are the ones that came to mind. I don't keep bookmarks on AO3 so I don't really have a "favorites list" and these aren't necessarily recent just the ones I wanted to mention...

1) “Shard Society.” Haikyuu mystery crime drama about Oikawa being murdered just before high school graduation, Iwaizumi is arrested and jailed for it. Eight years later, law student Kindaichi discovers a recently written confession from seemingly the REAL murderer and is on a quest with youngest prosecutor in Japan, Sakusa, to find out who did it.

I followed this story for over a year, gave a few dozen MASSIVE comments to the author who always giddily replied to me. They also expressed their gratitude by sending me a physically published copy of it in the mail!!

2) “He Had No Fingers”. I’m gonna go for oldie fics now lol. This is a horror Naruto fic about Kyuubi being an eldritch monster, with deadly serious and ominous prose. The story makes it pretty clear that it will absolutely take over and consume kid Naruto and the whole world, in time. I remember passages describing like how the Kyuubi is its own dimension, and speaking aloud even the names of its body parts will turn its attention to you and make you explode.

When I first read it in like 2010 or something it actually made me light-headed. I remember the story described the Kyuubi as smelling like chitin (what bug exoskeletons are made of) and I somehow thought I could…smell chitin when I was reading. I remember sitting on my bed reading this story and SMELLING something I never had before. And never did again.

3) “Lapsus Memoriae.” This is an OG cartoon Transformers fic. I watched a bit of the cartoon as a kid but I don’t even go here fandom wise lol, I forget how I even found this…maybe in 2008 ish when the Michael Bay movies were new, because I was kind of into those as a teen?

ANYWAY THIS IS TRANSFORMERS THREESOME SOULMATE AGE GAP YAOI, AMNESIA AU! Medical autobot Ratchet and his 2 friends wake up at headquarters missing the last several years worth of their memories. None of them remember their respective “bondmates”. The main character is Ratchet, a prickly, older medical bot whose bondmates are a pair of hot, sexy young twins named Sunstreaker and Sideswipe.

The other 2 ships get attention too, but high school me was sooooo into the twins being clingy and protective over their beloved angry old medbot uke Ratchet. 5 stars, still a fun read despite never being completed.

12) how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

Not…much? I feel like I “write for myself” a little more than the average person bc I’m uhhhh arrogant I guess. Low feedback generally does not bother me because I love my story more than anyone else ever could. I always spend WAY more time re-reading my own stories, sighing in appreciation at my own hard work and prose, than I do re-reading people’s comments about it.

13) what’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

Write what you want to read. That’s what I’m always doing. I can’t think of any other common tips besides “Write what you know” which I don’t follow nearly as strictly. One wip right now is a fantasy/comedy MatsuHana in a society where gardening is mega-popular and culturally important and I didn’t know jack shit about gardening or flowers, etc., I was googling plenty of basic information to try and make the characters sound like they weren’t total beginners.

14) how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

I’m not too sure how to answer the first one. I try and write them…realistically? Keep their emotions in mind? I try to remember that a character feeling intensely emotional will probably be too overwhelmed to properly/fully explain what they’re feeling or doing. So I’m careful with my word choice. No, I don’t feel what they feel. I’ve seen people say they get emotional/teary eyed themselves sometimes writing what their characters feel, that has never happened to me.

Do I draw from personal experiences, I don’t think so. The reason I write a fic, or the scene I want to get to, or the point of a story, is never based on something I experienced, just a cool idea I want to see. I've always kinda disliked the idea of projecting yourself that blatantly into a story. That’s not why I write.

Well shit I just thought of a new Haikyuu fantasy au I’ve got cooking where the villain is an OC whose backstory is basically that she’s a sad, bitter, loser failure and doing antagonist stuff out of resentment. That fit the plot I wanted, but I realized later a lot of her life is reflections of what happened to me when I felt like a sad, bitter, loser failure in life. She’s like…30% me. And that feels like a fucking LOT, I’ve never done this with a character before, it feels like…invasive or insulting or something but I’m going ahead with it.

15) How do you write smut scenes? Do you get very visual or detailed? How important is it to be realistic?

I’ve written very few smut scenes because I’m a coward and don’t much trust my ability to write them well. The couple of times I did took a looooot of work though I ended up liking them okay. I thiiiiink I’m ace and I rarely actually want to read characters having sex. A lot of the time the idea…bothers me somehow? I’ve got my own hangups with sex both irl and in the silly fandom world. Like I remember there was a #Whore(character)week on twitter where big fans of (character) wrote/drew him being a total cockgobbling passed-around-the-room slut, and I liked a little of the content but later felt so angry I had to mute the tags bc he’s NOT a whore don’t fucking insult him, he would NOT act like that in a million years, stop it stop being mean to him etc

Anyway realism is fine up to a point but I’m not here to read about realistic sex, usually, it’s fantasy sex where nonsensical things can happen and be portrayed as appealing. If realism doesn’t facilitate the hotness, then out it goes.

16) How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

Lots…too many…I’m angry and despairing at how many ideas I have and the fact that I’m slower than almost any fanfic writer I know, so many of my ideas are doomed to never manifest or will manifest and then sputter and die before completion. I’m sad about it all the time. This is my favorite hobby and I can almost never do it at a level where I’m truly satisfied.

Anyway one of my ideas is a Haikyuu fantasy AU where Kageyama is a fantastic mage but a shitty person no one likes and he manages to capture a talking unicorn (hinata) which are hella rare, but he seriously injures the prince (Daichi). So as punishment he’s forced to tame the unicorn for the crown, and if he doesn’t he will be kicked out of the mage guild, which will ruin his life as he’s not good at anything but magic, it's his volleyball equivalent here.

He befriends Hinata the unicorn and accidentally does a spell that turns him human a la the Last Unicorn. Then other unicorns come to humanville to rescue Hinata and Kageyama gets embroiled in unicorn politics and there are many unicorn OCs based on horses I have in a racing game called Rival Stars omgggg I fucking love unicorns horses yadda yadda

17) What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

A majority of the time I wallow in self-pity tbh.

When I make myself be constructive about it, I try to write another story which can sort of unstick my writing gears by writing in a new way/new tone for that story. Also, reading helps a lot. Reading interesting ideas and good prose is GREAT for greasing the wheels in your head and reminding you what good writing looks like.

18) Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

I LOOOOOOVE COMING UP WITH TITLES! This is my way in which I’m Not Like Other Girls, I hear this so often among fanfic writers that they don’t know wtf to title their story, not me baby!! I love cooking up a new title and to me it’s a very important part of the story process. I usually decide the title very early on, if not before I even start writing!

My titles are usually phrases I make up that sum up the vibes of the story or point to a very significant event, the kind of thing that would “be on the cover of the book” you know? EX:

CHASM - Naruto, MadaSaku dark fantasy au. Mostly named for a point in the story where Sakura looks across a huge literal chasm and sees…something on the other side that changes her forever ;) Also points to Sakura’s deteriorating mental health due to surviving an attack on her home where many residents were killed by monsters

THE SUN ON JAKKU - Star Wars, Reylo fic I’ll probably never finish. But it was about Kylo Ren invading Rey’s mind and seeing her entire horrible childhood on Jakku. Even though only hours pass irl, he is present in her memories like an invisible ghost standing nearby and experiences those years alongside her. And over time becomes obsessed with her. His gaze is “the sun on jakku” that watches over her every day.

DAY OF THE NAVIGATOR - Haikyuu, Oiiwa space/sci-fi horror au. Aliens arrive on earth and destroy it, lone astronaut (called “navigator” in this fic) Iwaizumi barely escapes in a little ship but is pursued for YEARS through space by sexy alien Oikawa (+alien wolfpack Seijoh) who totally wants to fuck him and put an alien ring on it but Iwaizumi assumes the aliens want to eat/kill him. Iwaizumi keeps himself together with his navigator training, which stresses that your work “today” is the only day that matters. Also gives significance to the moment Oikawa finally breaks into the ship and hears Iwaizumi speak for the first time. He says “Today is it for you,” and alien Oikawa is so fucking turned on

19) What is the most-used tag on your ao3?

I think it might be Possessive Behavior or Obsessive Behavior? Yeah that’s been my fanfic food of choice since high school haha, some things never change. I just get better at dressing up my creepy ships in cool plots to make them feel less cringe.

20) Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

I definitely prefer fantasy AUs. Worlds with magic and mystery and cool places to go adventuring in, and scary but sexy monsters who can hunt down the protagonist in an open World(tm)

I’ve tried to search for common word choice or expression in my fics, tbh but I either never found any or just can’t remember.

21) Would you ever collaborate with another writer for a story?

I don’t think so. I don’t like the idea of ceding over control of my story to someone else. And if it’s a story we made up together so they “had control” over some of it in the first place, I’d automatically be not that interested and committed because it’s not fully mine. And I want it to be mine.

22) Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

I don’t really do present tense. Can’t think of a fic where I have. I vastly prefer past tense. And I’ll probably never touch the following tropes because I hate them and think they’re stupid: Fake Dating, There Was Only One Bed, FWB.

23) Best writing advice for other writers?

Just write what you love. Even if it doesn’t really make sense, the plot doesn’t really come together, something about it doesn’t “vibe”…if you love it, that is all that matters.

24) Worst writing advice anyone ever gave you?

I can’t think of any writing advice that was outright stupid or bad…then again I don’t ever look up writing advice. I’m sure I have room for improvement much as anyone else, but I usually like the way I do things.

25) What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

Ehh I guess my AtsuHina sci-fi horror au, The Abandoned City of Saint Winona…though I knew it wouldn’t get much of a response, because AtsuHina is such a sunny, cute ship, I don’t think most of its fans are the type to want a story where Atsumu is a disgusting maneating, shapeshifting alien who says he loves Hinata but the narration leaves it unclear if he means it or will eventually eat him.

But man I put a hell of a lot of work into that story, when I first posted Chapter 1 in 2021 and this past July when I scraped together Chapters 2 and 3. It was the first time in a long time when I wrote something where I knew the audience truly was me and MAYBE 3 other humans on this planet. Most other things I write do have a ship audience at least. And yet I wrote 35k...for me :)

26) Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

Oh Jesus, “Darcia” all the way…2019 OiIwa fantasy au that I only wrote one chapter of (BUT I STILL ADORE IT) I wrote/started no kidding THIRTEEN drafts of that chapter… Because I couldn’t decide certain plot points or WHY certain things would happen, I just couldn’t get a vibe I enjoyed…I toiled over this for a huge chunk of 2019, this is the story where I had that stupid useless beta on board for a bit. I actually seriously cried about this story a couple of times…

After fighting like hell and nearly eating my own skin I FINALLY posted the chapter, and took a day off work to celebrate…only for my mi litary boss to text me at 11am that day and say “Hey you know your yearly fit test was coming up next month, can you do it next week instead?” which fucking RUIIIIINNNNED MY DAAAAAAAY

27) What is your most and least favorite part of writing?

Favorite: when I end a successful evening writing session only because I am falling asleep, and I’m thinking “dammit, I could have written more!” I’ve found that many times, when I get lucky and pump out a huge word count in a session, I ALWAYS think to myself “dammit I could have gotten even more!” So even having that thought is itself a sign of success.

Least favorite: scraping my way through the dialogue for an important scene that moves the plot forward. Finding ways for characters to properly elaborate wtf is going on or needs to happen, in words that make sense for that person to say. If I get stuck on a fanfic, it’s EITHER because…I can’t make a decision about a HUGE plot beat, or I can’t fucking write the conversation that makes the scene go.

28) On average, how much writing do you get done in a day?

Oh geez…not a lot…I spend far too much of my life not writing because I’m busy with work or family obligations…but when I DO write, it’s maybe 400-500 average? Plenty of 200-300 days…Here’s my little wordcount log from when I was writing the AtsuHina sci-fi horror fic last month, like when I was really slaving away at it.

This makes me look better than usual, I think. I AM NOT USUALLY THIS ON TOP OF IT

7/17 evening from at least 700 7/19 - 1195!!! Though 160 are not being kept 7/22 - 1500!! 7/23 - 720 7/24 - 100 if that… 7/25 - 251…sleepy after post-dinner treadmill… 7/26 - 700 exactly! We’re at THE SCEN!E 8/5: 531 (well 731ish but deleted 200 ish) 8/7: 845 words 8/8: 1425 words 8/9: 742…getting closer…the narration doesn’t sound great though… 8/10: 1154. My god maybe this weekend will be it…

29) What’s your revision or editing process like?

I usually edit as I go. At the end of finishing a chapter, I will do a read-through that’s a little deeper than a “skim”, where I fix any spelling errors, tweak any word choices I was on the fence on originally, etc. Usually, after I finish a chapter, I will be posting it one or two hours later. I don’t usually wait.

30) Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished?

Wait until it’s all polished. Maybe this sounds contradictory to the answer above, but by the time I reach the end of the chapter, everything above it has already been combed through/edited along the way many times. So when I finish off the last scene, it’s already pretty well polished.

31) Do you start with the characters or the plot when writing?

I start with the plot because setting that in motion in the right way, and starting at the right time in the plot’s timeline, is ultimately more important.

32) Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

Time to out myself as a toxic loser bitch but the two authors who come to mind as favorites, whose works I SO admired and enjoyed (and followed them both on other social media so I saw some of their irl happenings too) are also the two people I got the most pathetically, hatefully, despairingly envious over in all my life. They happened a few years apart. But my jealousy lasted months for one of them and YEARS for the other. People would point and laugh...or maybe just not know wtf to say...if I actually admitted how deeply my envy of those two writers affected me.

I swear on my life I don’t have jealousy problems in any other avenue of life…it’s JUST fanfic writing, the hobby that I most care about and that gets more of my passion and soul than anything else I do. I basically stepped away from their fics and decided to not look at them anymore. And even though I truly adored their works, I’m kinda scared to ever look at them again. In case it turns out I never got over it or the bad feelings just flare right up again. I don’t want to feel that way again. Sorry. Next question.

33) Do you want to be published some day?

I actually drafted 10 or 11 chapters of a fantasy YA book when I was in high school but that desire to be traditonally published faded a lot during college. I realized I like fanfic writing much more than original fic writing and don't really want my irl peers reading my work. But I did also write a shitty “book” in middle school that was 120 pages on Microsoft word about talking dragons, totally plagiarizing plot points from Majora’s Mask and Princess Mononoke.

And the YA book was about people with wings living in floating cities in the clouds. The MC’s little brother fails the Rite of Passage flying test and falls to the earth, so MC and Love Interest dive down to see if he survived and find him (a forbidden act!) and find out Earth is a nearly dead wasteland with gross monsters and some wingless dragons. The dragons dream of making it to the floating cities and conquering/stealing their resources. They hang out with a wingless dragon who barely tolerates them and carries around his extremely weak, almost-totally paralyzed little sister dragon on his back.

34) Five years from now, where do you see yourself as a writer?

I’m sure I’ll still be writing, and I’ll still have SOME of the same fandoms I do now, because fandoms last years and years for me. I’m still a bit into Naruto and read fic of it now and then despite it being over for nearly a decade. I hope I will have finished some stories by then! If I have, I might pursue my half-hearted dream of getting a physical copy of my fanfic published hehe! But I’m greedy and would only do so if I could somehow find a fic binder who’d make it to my totally extra expectations (gorgeous commissioned cover, black pages with white text for the first page of each new chapter, probably Garamond font…sprayed edges ahhhh)

35) What is one essential thing to remember when writing a villain?

They see themselves as a “protaganist” and will deal with “antagonists” accordingly.

36) How do you write kissing scenes?

Depends on who the characters are. I guess I’m usually writing characters who haven’t kissed very much or at all, or characters who at least haven’t kissed each OTHER before, because I tend to write characters at the start of a relationship because that exploratory, careful manner of figuring out how to kiss is just so fucking cute for damn near any ship.

37) How do you choose where to end a chapter?

I decide in my mental outline or Scrivener outline how much I can fit in this chapter. And it’s just…the last thing I can stuff in. My tendency to write long af chapters is a more important factor than wanting to end on a particular scene.

38) Would you ever write commissions?

I…don’t think so. I’ve definitely thought about the idea. But even if I had buyers, writing a commission probably wouldn’t go any faster than my own fics do, which, again, take months or possibly fucking YEARS…my payment would be fractions of a fraction of a cent per hour if you wanna slice it that way which is SOOOOO not worth it for the amount of time it takes me, and the time it takes away from my own wips, and there’s not many customers who I think would have the absurd patience required for ME to pump out a finished piece…the outlook is just not good.

39) Share a snippet from a WIP

(I’m putting a snippet of the dang AtsuHina Sci-fi horror fic I keep talking about)

The metal circle was knocked inward. It fell onto the basement floor with a hard thud, kicking up a puff of dust. Shoyo glimpsed a slice of the semi-dark inside: the innards of Saint Winona’s wall, wires and circular metal things with tiny glowing lights. Machines that kept his city alive. He’d seen some of those things in textbooks long ago.

The arm of a filthy spacesuit shot out of the hole and grasped for purchase on the basement floor.

A man with dirty, dark hair crawled out through the small hole. He was smeared with dust; his space suit looked ancient and strange, like dirty white leather. There was no helmet around the collar, only a metal collar at the neck of the outfit where one might have once fit on.

His hand slipped on the metal circle he’d cut out of the wall and fell forward onto his chest. He pushed the circle out of the way with a furious shout that made Shoyo gasp aloud in fear.

That’s when the man noticed he wasn’t alone in the room. That’s when he finally raised his head and showed his face and Shoyo’s soul writhed inside the cage of his frozen body.

The face—the face—his face—

He had Atsumu’s face.

-

40) If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

I have daydreamed of commissioning some artist many months in the future to draw scene in Darcia, where Oikawa is a demon a la FHQ but with some eldritch qualities. There’s also many dragons in the fic.

I have this scene in my head of Oikawa in the foreground, walking away from the camera towards four or five dragons backed up against a huge cave/dungeon wall in the background. They're like 20-50 foot tall beasts, who are all terrified of this human sized creature because he's going to kill them and he CAN. They are shooting fire or trying to claw at him but he is magically shielded and nothing works. The point is to amplify how utterly horrifying and powerful Oikawa is even in the face of gigantic and powerful monsters.

But imagining scared dragons backed up against a wall afraid of a small human can easily make them look goofy, unfortunately like an elephant scared of a mouse...so it would be a tough balancing act to portray the scene as scary instead of accidentally comedic.

41) Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

I am mostly a one-and-done person. There are a handful of fics I might return to to read specific scenes or chapters but I basically never re-read entire fics again. The memory of the fic and me appreciating it afterward is usually enough.

42) What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

I've been slowly going through the "horror" tag in the Haikyuu fandom, a kind of slim tag with only 400-some fics out of the whole Haikyuu section which is probably to be expected...

But I found this total gem called YACHI HITOKA: ZOMBIE SLAYER.

It's only 3 chapters long and not updated for many months now. But the chapters are quite long, and intense and horrific and WHOOO what a rush! I think it's a fantastic read for horror fans. Yachi is far from being a "zombie slayer" so far but I can see that there's tiny bits of growth in her bravery, inching their way up. I absolutely recommend it.

I left a huge glowing review to the author almost a month ago but they moderate comments and mine still hasn't appeared tho :0)

43) Do you take a sadistic joy in whumping your characters, or are you more the "If you hurt them I would kill everyone and then myself" kind of person?

Closer to the “taking joy” in it end of things I guess. I enjoy writing characters going through intense action or adventures or escapes. If that involves pain, fighting, getting hurt, etc then hell yeahhhhh.

44) What mistakes do you keep making no matter how many times your beta corrects you?

Me thriving with no beta and dick flapping in the wind: YEEEEEE

45) Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh?

Leaning more towards the heartbreaking side. But being able to come up with a truly funny line is an accomplishment as well, and harder I think.

46) How would you describe your style? (Character/emotion/action-driven, etc)

Intense, more focus on narration than dialogue, viscerally ugly and suspenseful, romance is always at least a little creepy lol…I wonder how other people see my work in general like this.

47) How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

It gets combed through several times as I write, then one last once-over after I finish the chapter. Therefore the “rough draft” (after getting to the end of the draft) and “final draft” look very similar.

48) What do you look for in a beta?

#44 ^^^

49) Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?

I can only think of one rude review I got, it was for my naruto/pokemon crossover story on FFN that I got 26 chapters into before basically abandoning it in 2014-ish. Someone said basically “no one cares about these characters except ur ugly cringe ass”. I just ignored it.

Though nowadays sometimes I hope a hater would comment on my fics because I think coming up with a sniping comeback, and then freezing the comment thread so mine stands as the last word in the conversation, would be so fuckin gooooood…

50) How long is your longest fic?

Well uhhh I think that’s the Naruto/Maximum Ride crossover I wrote in 8th and 9th grade and I just had to check, it was 25 chapters when I abandoned it and 227k long! Cringe af now but lord I was so proud of it at the time.

People reviewing that story gave me a real-life confidence boost to the point that in 9th grade, classmates and teachers and people I didn’t talk to at all actually noticed and started chatting me up, because I was suddenly more interesting and engaging. 9th grade was the start of me understanding how to socialize...because of my fanfiction!

51) What’s your total AO3 word count?

273,602 (wow only slightly longer than the 8th-9th grade fic maximum ride crossover fic WOW?)

52) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

If they are long, substantive, or directly ask me a question. Otherwise not usually. I don’t feel the need to respond to every comment when I already wrote the damn story. I also don’t like the idea of half my comment count on a story just puffing my stats by endlessly replying “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Tha

53) How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?

Definitely a writer more than a reader, though I’d say in high school it was a 50/50 split. Somehow I read more but also wrote overall more…because I didn’t have to work aghgnghgh

54) What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

The fact that I can do what-EVER the fuck I want. I can write batshit insane endings. I can add “obsessive/possessive behavior” magic fairy dust to my favorite characters to make them have sexy interactions with my faves that appeal to my silly fictional tastes. I can give someone an unexplained Raikou companion in a universe that has no other Pokemon and not explain it if I don’t feel like it. I can indulge in anything, dress it up how I please, and still practice a fun and interesting skill, and CREATE! I LOVE CREATING STORIES!

55) Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

It has to be Sakura Haruno, doesn’t it? Even long past the end of Naruto, she lives on in my heart, in my beloved story Chasm…I own three figures of her for god’s sake. I started caring about her in middle school and I was part of the growing “MultiSaku” fanfic scene in the late 00’s and 2010’s. Even after all these years and all these fandoms and stories and life events and things I had to pass through and carry…I never let go of her.

And no my choice of favorite character to write for is not swayed by any other people, lol please.

56) What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I think I write very good intense action scenes. Scenes that feel like a razor’s edge slicing your skin that might penetrate and cut through you. I re-read my own action scenes a lot and still feel proud of the ugly, harsh imagery and the suspenseful nature of a movement making you unsure if it will turn out safe for the character or not. I love thinking up “cinematography” for movements like that in my head.

57) Do you prefer editing as you write, or waiting until it’s finished?

Mostly edit as I write, with a final pass over after the draft is finished.

58) What part of the writing process do you enjoy the most? (Brainstorming, outlining, writing, editing, etc)

I feel like I answered this. 58 questions into the 78 I've realized some of these questions are rather similar to each other. The writing part is the best.

59) Does anyone in your personal life know you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone?

My bff and I have been into fanfiction since 2006. Though I don’t think I told her my FFN name until 2010 or 2011. More than a little disappointed that she doesn’t read my fics anyway because we’re not into the same genre and she’s not a person I can talk to about writing either so wtf was the point. Also my brother knows I write fic and is friendly/nice about the concept of fic in general. I certainly don’t share with him but he doesn’t mock fanfic as cringe or a waste or anything.

These two are exceptions. For the most part, HELL NOOOOOOO. I never plan to tell anyone irl I write fic, it is too private and precious to me. Someone irl finding out about my fanfiction or fandom things in general is truly my worst nightmare.

60) Have you had a writer you admire comment on your fic? What was that like?

Yes, a couple of times. Their words meant more than the average commenter of course because they’re on a pedestal in my mind. I know their exceptional work so they damn well know what they’re talking about when they say similar things about my work. That’s the kind of comment I will keep in my email inbox for days if not weeks for easy re-reading.

61) Why do you continue writing fics?

Because I love them. Because I love the art of translating a character into a plot of my making. I love placing my favorite characters into a canvas I made and making them a part of it, and making something that is perfectly suited to ME. It has my colors, only mine, it’s my love letter addressed to me.

62) Thoughts on cliffhangers?

Not many thoughts on cliffhangers. If I write one, I rarely think of it as such, more like, this is a suitable place to end the chapter if possible. The usual “it sucks if you’re a reader, gotta wait for the next update, aw man” whatever.

63) Something you hate to see in smut.

Dirty talk involving one character calling the other a whore or slut. Once in a while I’m into it, usually I’m not. I think I’ve got a bone to pick with…humiliation, or something? Sometimes it can be hot as hell, sometimes it borderline offends me. And that’s a really popular and hell, a NORMAL thing for people to do, like some of the most basic dirty talk there is, so it’s hard to dodge. I have to just scowl a little and keep reading.

64) Something you love to see in smut.

One character acting like an animal. Rutting, biting, licking. Possessive behavior and body worship. Character calling the other one “mine” can be a lame fanfic stereotype but I’m SO INTO THAT

65) Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

Really looking forward to the end battle in my Haikyuu fantasy au where Kageyama is a mage and Hinata is a unicorn. The battle involves KageHina (both human at this time) and also mage Oikawa and Iwaizumi who is in human form but by this point everyone in the story knows he’s actually a dragon. The villain is a unicorn OC who’s filled with rage, resentment and bitterness and wants to make others suffer, she’s a sad bitch but mostly a petty bitch.

In my head, the battle happens to the tune of the final battle theme in Elden Ring (which I have not played) and I just loooove what happens to the villain at the end. It is beyond satisfying, and unexpected, I think. But god, that’s like 50k words away at LEAST.

66) How do you deal with writing pressure (ie. pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc.)?

My pressure comes 95% from ME feeling bad about how long I take. I deal with it by…trying to fucking write and also a lot of feeling bad, idk.

My update schedule is so slow that the shit mentioned in the question does not affect me at all. Also, those things don’t really happen to me? I get almost no negative comments, hell I kind of dream of getting a negative comment because I like thinking up snide, uncaring, rude etc., ways I’d snap back at them. No way in hell would they make me write faster.

67) Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

I don’t really do prompts or challenges. The closest I can think is a few prompt asks I did her on tumblr, years ago. I did maybe 3 in my entire life. Not really a prompt person. I got WIPs out the wazoo, like I need more on my plate.

68) What, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

Lately I’ve been doing the absolute normie shit of making Pinterest boards. I have about 15 boards that are dedicated to either a specific fanfic or just a common theme in many fics (board for dragons, board for fantasy castles and towns etc). I usually don’t need to like manually force inspiration though, it comes when it comes and I prefer that to needing to use Pinterest tbh.

69) What work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

Oh man, I don’t even know if I want to say the names of some of them haha. Probably one of my various MultiSaku stories from my Stormdragon6 account on FFN, which I’ve had since 2005 when I had just started middle school…I didn't use AO3 until 2014-15 and most of my FFN stories are NOT cross posted there.

I’m sure there’s many on the FFN account that are equally cringe and I don’t really want to look. They meant a lot to me when I wrote them and took quite a lot of effort and time for a teen to do…I’ll keep them in my mind that way instead.

70) When asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

Outside of fandom social media I don’t EVER tell people I write, period. My mom knows I wrote the middle school talking dragon book and STILL once in a while says I should publish it bc she hasn’t read a book in about 15 years and is a horrible judge of good writing. I keep telling her I “forgot” where I put that book but it’s gathering dust in my garage and I hope she eventually goes senile and forgets about it.

Otherwise I haven’t mentioned writing as a hobby to anyone irl but my bff and brother since like 2012. It is EXTREMELY private to me.

71) When it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

I used to just keep two Microsoft Word documents per story (at least longer ones) one for the story itself, whatever most recent chapter I was working on, and a second one for the notes/outline on that story. Sometimes I kept a third one for storing axed/rewritten passages of writing. It was tedious but I knew no other way.

I’m glad I have Scrivener now to keep all those things in one “document” basically which makes it easier to look through it all and compare things side to side.

72) What order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

Chronological! I can’t imagine writing any other way omg ew. Writing a big epic scene when I have'nt written or decided the buildup sounds like a horrible idea. It simply will not be written the same as it would when I know and have experienced all that led up to it.

73) What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

I’m having a lot of trouble with this one. Any quality I can think of, some other people surely do as well. I like focusing on dangerous, scary conflicts and situations that are more horror movie-esque than like, fun? I bring in magical or supernatural creatures whenever I can. I love writing chase scenes especially between two parties in a ship. I ship damn near anything. I have my own flavor when you mix these things together, I guess.

74) You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it?

This is getting kind of repetitive again. The stuff I mentioned above. Maybe if there’s a lot of horses, unicorns or talking animals that might be a sign that it’s me…using the possessive behavior tag…shipping Sakura with a man who tried to kill her at least once…nowadays I think the horses/unicorn inclusion would be the biggest clue lol.

75) What scene in [Fanfic Name] took the longest to write? What was difficult about it?

There’s a few scenes in Chasm (MadaSaku dark fantasy, Madara is a huge wingless gryphon) where Sakura has to talk to Madara and/or the Uchiha clan, and they’re big scary monsters and she’s terrified. Pushing these conversations along to get to the point of them while not having the two parties just insulting/dismissing the other, trying to build up a bit of a relationship between them at the same time…was really hard! Those Madara-Sakura talking scenes are HARD! I remember being stuck on the dialogue several times, for ages each time. Gah!!

76) Did you have any ideas that didn’t make the final cut of [Fanfic Name]?

Lots. There’s several stories of mine with pieces that I scrapped (put in the 3rd word doc) and didn’t use. I remember writing that I scrapped 12,000 words of Chasm chapter two back in the day.

Oh I had a scene in the AtsuHina sci-fi horror recently where Atsumu and Hinata get into a van that’s basically a taxi. Suna, Atsumu's friend, is the driver and interrupts when AtsuHina are feeling each other up in the backseat. I forget the timing exactly…but Atsumu playfully asks if Hinata has ever fucked in a taxi, and Suna is right there looking through his little divider window and replies, “* I’ve * fucked in a taxi,” and Atsumu shouts at him to listen to his fucking podcasts and shut the window already.

I thought it was really funny, but I cut it for time/word count and not really fitting the tone of growing ominousness. That chapter ended up at 15k without that scene which was 1k by itself.

77) Do you have a favorite scene you’ve written from [Fanfic Name] story/chapter?

Yes, I really like the writing I used in the “alien Oikawa finally breaks into the ship” scene in Day of the Navigator, end of Chapter 2.

I think its ominous tone is strong at the start, which bursts into shock and horror when Iwaizumi sees the alien at the end of the hallway and almost faints, he imagines his dead captain Ushijima to fucking get up and move, and he bravely stands against the charging alien with a flamethrower. Catches him in a net shot out of a....net gun...first, then burns him with the flamethrower up close. Alienkawa can regenerate tho and will NOT be deterred from claiming and fucking his cute humanbride so he shakes it off.

But god, it was fantastic to write.

-

Oh my god I wrote 77 answers (this took 2 days). Why can’t I write fanfic at this kind of speed. I guess because following a plot matters and takes much more care than 77 individual questions jeeeeeeeeesus I answered 77 questions…sending my corpse to Jammie in the mail

@spacejammie-eimmajecaps

[woundedheartwithin]

Directors cut!

Wow this was harder than I thought it’d be! Sorry it took so long lol

Since there’s no specific fic requested here, I decided to ramble a bit about Like Static because that’s my most recently posted fic and it’s just very special to me to begin with. It’s the first Judgment fic I wrote and it’s one I go back to and read often, and I could honestly talk about it all day. I’ll just talk about the very first part because I’ve been dying to talk about it but nobody has asked lmao. If anyone wants to ask about another specific part of this fic in particular, please feel free!

More under the cut

I’ve talked at length in the past of how I don’t think folks play up the severity of Yagami’s injuries at the end of Judgment, including the game itself (even though they did an excellent job of not ignoring it with the first person section and all the hallucinations, I just wish there was some end game acknowledgment), and this fic was the very first manifestation of that. I wrote this literally directly after I finished the main story, like literally put my controller down on the end game summary page and wrote the first part right then

I really wanted to explore head trauma in general and how fuzzy and disoriented you feel after getting knocked in the head real hard, and I wanted to do that from the perspective of someone with repressed feelings for Yagami. And while it could be argued that just about everyone in the game has repressed feelings for our dear lawyer turned detective, yagashi is my absolute otp because, well, there’s really nothing better than enemies to friends to lovers is there? Now I’ve had a concussion or two, so I pulled a little from my own experience in regards to how difficult it is to actually focus when your brain’s been scrambled. Your head hurts and you just feel kinda tired, and everything’s too bright and loud and confusing to really grab and hold onto. Briefly losing consciousness and collapsing is a very, very weird experience even when head trauma isn’t involved, but when you stack the physical pain and everything that’s going on in your brain, it’s actually rather distressing just in general, and that’s from the perspective of someone who has only had minor head trauma with rather mild concussions (thanks Woody). Now imagine how Yagami must have been feeling

But I also pulled quite a bit from a cop show I watch (hold your criticism). I watch those game warden shows on Animal Planet a lot because conservation law is very interesting to me, and there was an episode of Northwoods Law where one of the wardens was hit hard on his atv by a speeding side-by-side. He was thrown from his atv and ended up with a pretty serious head injury, and while he could recount exactly what had happened to his partner directly after the accident, by the time the paramedics got there, he’d forgotten all the details. By the time they took him in the ambulance, he was asking what had happened to him like he couldn’t remember even vague details anymore. He knew he’d been in an accident, but he couldn’t remember what kind of accident or how it had happened. That was endlessly fascinating to me. How scary must that have been for the warden’s partner, who knew the nature of head trauma because of his first aid training? How scary would that experience be for someone who doesn’t know any of that? I had been wanting to explore that idea for a long, long time before I wrote this, and so when Yagami fell out of a two story building into traffic and cracked his head on the pavement after he’d gotten thrown like 20 feet, I knew what I had to do. And in his two rounds with the Mole, and this is probably the best possible scenario for me to explore as a writer lol

[imabillyami]

Thoughts on Smackdown?

Hey anon! Good to have you back! I’m always so happy when this message pops up in my inbox, you wouldn’t believe it 💜

Thanks for sticking with me through all my ramblings and novel-length replies to this. (I lovingly call you “my Smackdown anon” inside my own head & if you couldn’t tell, I’m rather fond of you!) 

Short answer: Honestly? I LOVED the latest episode of SD 😭 The only thing I didn’t care for was the AJ Styles/Karrion Kross thing, but other than that the show was really right up my alley!

Segment by segment under the cut (as always):

Charlotte vs. Asuka: I loved seeing the women open the show! Kinda gives me hope that we’ll finally be having a couple of good feuds in the women’s division again. We’ll see. The match was really good and I didn’t mind the finish with Damage CTRL interfering. I’d love to see an actual Iyo/Asuka feud over the championship, so I’m still kinda hoping they’ll bring a heel!Bianca back into the mix to feud with Charlotte far away from the championship picture. I also hope they’ll keep the title on Iyo for a while, so the eventual Iyo/Bayley feud can involve the title. That’s my wishful thinking though. My guess is they’re going for a triple threat Iyo/Charlotte/Asuka for this one? But I’m still not sure where Bianca fits in, so I still have hope.

AJ Styles vs. Karrion Kross: Like I said, I do not care and I doubt I ever will. The Karrion Kross thing is simply not working for me and I’m bored. I love seeing Michin though, so that’s a little light in the dark that was this match/ this entire "feud".

Edge/ Sheamus Promo: God this promo made me so emotional. I’m not gonna lie, I cried. A LOT. Edge is the wrestler who turned me into a fan as a kid. His match against Mick Foley at WM turned me from a casual watcher into a devoted fan/weekly watcher all the way back then. (I know I keep repeating myself, but this man is why I’m a wrestling fan in the first place and in a different reality with different physical limitations I would’ve become a wrestler because of him). When he retired for the first time, I was in a state of complete shock and didn’t stop crying over it for a long long time. Hell, I even had to stop watching for a while back then. His comeback is still one of my favorite memories of all time and if the rumor mill is telling the truth and the match against Sheamus truly is his last one… then I’m so glad I got to witness his second run and that he gets to go out on his own terms and share the ring with the person who got him back into it in the first place. These two mean so much to each other and each other’s careers, so seeing them in the ring together? God I’m not even gonna see the match through all these tears, am I? Guaranteed banger incoming! The point is: I fucking LOVE Edge, okay? He’ll always be the man who got me hooked on wrestling and he’ll always be one of the greatest to ever do it.

LA Knight vs. Top Dolla: I say it every week. LA Knight needs longer matches and better opponents. But I like what they have going on with him and Miz over on Raw, so I didn’t mind this as much as I usually would. His lil promo was another feel good moment. I feel like this SD was full of these, maybe that’s part of why I liked it so much.

Street Profits & Lashley: I love these weekly build-up promos 👀 And I can’t wait till they finally get into the ring for an actual match again. That gold comment - the sky is the limit 👀 Let’s hope so! Give them some good and strong opponents pls! Now that The Usos aren’t running the tag division on SD (at least temporarily), we need good teams to keep the division relevant! 

Rey vs. Theory: Theory having to attack Santos not once, but twice to stop him from competing? I’m sorry, that’s kinda hilarious lmao. We all know I fucking hate the guy, no secrets there, so when they announced Rey vs Theory I cheered so damn loud! It was probably the plan all along, but they had to change plans for a bit, until Rey’s condition was all clear. So the attack angle made perfect sense and REY FUCKING WON YES!!! My god I’m so glad that he did! (1) he obviously deserved it so much and (2) thank god I won’t have to see that fucking idiot carrying around that belt anymore. Rey is a believable and awesome candidate to beat Theory and he made that idiot look good, still. Theory’s thing obviously isn’t working rn, so even though I hate it, they’ll probably work on changing stuff and build him up over time. The extra pressure is off now that he no longer holds the title though. I think they should send him walking, but it’s WWE, so y’know. They’ll obviously keep the sleazebag. I’m so so excited for Rey though! I’m hoping that they won’t turn it into a lengthy Rey/Theory feud though, keep that idiot far far away from any title picture and maybe off my tv for a while for good? Pls and thx.

Bloodline/ Jey / Jimmy aka the Main event: First of all? That “Why Jimmy why?” sign cracked me up so bad for some reason. And Jimothy popping up outta nowhere like a badass? Idk, it had me laughing (in a good way). And the “you sold out“ chants? Yes pls. Give that boy all the damn heat! (He had no business looking this fine btw, just saying 👀) And then that little spiel from Roman with Paul doing his gestures in the background lmao. I keep saying it and I’ll probably say it a whole lot more. If you don’t love Paul Heyman, you’re doing something wrong. Jimothy’s “I don’t want nothing from you“ - as we predicted he didn’t do it for Roman (thank god for that. I couldn’t have handled another “I did it for The Rock. I did it for the people!” situation - of you know you know) And Roman being so obviously confused and arrogant about the whole thing (and Paul acting all offended on his behalf lmao). Man really thinks the sun shines out of his ass. Each segment is gold, my god. These Samoans (and the Wise Man) give me life 😭😭😭 And then Jey comes out and makes the whole thing a million times better. He looked ready for bloody murder 🥵 Jimmy telling Roman to stand down and that he got this and Roman actually doing just that? Something shady is going on here. Jimmy, babe, I see you and I love you, but I don’t trust your evil ass as far as I can throw it. I LOVE looking at Roman and Paul while Jimmy gives his explanation to Jey lmao. Roman is so done with Jimmy’s ass lol. And the way he looked so fucking proud of himself, especially when the crowd started the “asshole“ chant while Paul was once again so offended on his behalf? God the LAYERS to this segment were once again INSANE. They went through so many genres here, damn. Like… we know this is cinema and it really truly proves to be cinema week in week out. I love how even Solo reacts visibly. None and I mean NONE of them were buying Jimmy’s bullshit and neither was Jey. You keep lying through your teeth Jimothy, but people will see straight through your crap. Man when Jey turned his back on Jimmy. Just… GOLD. And Roman’s evil bitch laugh pls. I love that man and I hate that man and I love to hate that man 😭 “Acknowledge m-“ *eats superkick to the face*, I should not have laughed as loudly as I did. Jey really said I’m gonna clean house today. And then Jimmy fucking ran to him with open arms and Jey kicked him in the face? I WAS SCREAMING. JEY USO THE MAN YOU ARE 😭😭😭 I dunno if this was supposed to get me super emotional or not, but I was laughing so hard throughout the whole thing, cause that shit was so entertaining. Jey gave zero fucks about any of this shit lmao. BADASS. They really said let’s strap a rocket to this man’s butt and push him to the moon before he takes his well-deserved break. They turned him into a rockstar with this segment. I said what I said. (I’m gonna miss Jey while he’s gone for sure, I’m gonna miss the rest of them if they’re gonna off tv for a while too, but this segment was a good and memorable way to send them off in my opinion. Now I’m sitting here like this is Finding Nemo and I’m one of those damn fish in the plastic bags asking “Now what?”)

Overall, as I said at the beginning, I really LOVED this episode. It had so many feel good moments and just so many things I genuinely enjoyed! 

Thanks again for asking, anon & many hugs to you! 💕

[thatlittlemouse]

so there’s this new year’s extra where the gang and wu xie’s family all gather together that makes me very soft so I rambled about it at length

the story is longer and a bunch of stuff happens (#5 new year’s special; it takes place around 10 years later in yucun but before reboot) and the new year’s celebration itself is only around 2 chapters but it’s so cute and funny

wu xie’s parents and er shu + xiao hua and xiuxiu are all set to come over to wu xie’s place in yucun for new year’s and he’s so stressed about it

he gets stressed about all the shopping and cooking, has a crisis about wine, fights with his neighbor about a chicken 🤭 🤭

“you’re bullying my pretty boy (xiaoge)” pangzi is so funny 😂

wu xie transforming into a humble and filial son the moment his parents show up 🤭 🤭

rain village’s little downtown prince ahsakjs what are you on about

it’s so funny that his parents never met pangzi and xiaoge before?? and wu xie never actually mentioned them?? how does he hide literally everything about his life from his parents (actually he hints at some point that they probably noticed he’s not well, but didn’t push the topic...)

wu xie about pangzi: this is my uhhhhh, Business Associate 🧍‍♂️

we’re going to make some “local ecological products”

(nailed it)

(continuing about xiaoge) and his uhhhh brother? *smiling nervously probably*

er shu: looking away

wu xie: looking away

I love xiao hua. the moment he walked in he just started inspecting and criticizing everything, but after he got that done with, he put his apron on and started helping out

I think I read another short story or something where he came over and started helping pangzi out in the kitchen

he’s so nice to his friends actually 🥺

after all the hardships, his family and friends are all there by his side... he made it

I think he only narrowly escaped the topic of marriage with er shu’s help lmao

that “I’m sorry. Thank you” holds a lot of weight... it really summarizes what he wants to say in his heart, but can’t put in more words, so these will have to do

it makes me feel some kind of way that the dinner is actually like a very mundane family gathering. pangzi and xiao hua sing a song, xiuxiu wants to get out of it by handing over to xiaoge but he already left the room when no one was paying attention 🤭

I love their friendship.... xiao hua is worried about him and asking if he’s hiding away in rain village

it almost looks like he’s in seclusion there (well with the besties), so why is wu xie staying there? is he afraid to come out?

intermission with hei yanjing being pathetic again 😔. wu xie and xiao hua silently linking his post askjadhsd

anyway wu xie circles back to the topic above at the very end of the extra. he thinks some things through in this story and can explain himself better at the end

he’s not hiding away, but he needs to take the time to process and heal from everything he’s been through. and this is the best place he sees where he can do that, so he needs to stay here for the time being

oh I’m in my wu xie feelings

anyway and then the end leads right into reboot with (presumably) sanshu’s message on the old phone! to be continued~

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

hi!!! i just came across your account and kind of fell in love with how you do your matchups, with adding little details that the requester wrote into your replies, and i just couldn't resist akjdhfkjashf soooo, could i get one for Bungo Stray Dogs, and another for Attack on Titan? :D

pronouns: she/her

sexuality: heterosexual

zodiac/MBTI: aquarius, INFP-T or INTP (really depends on my mood alkjdhfkjahdsf i've been mistaken for an extrovert, which makes sense - i like talking to people, i just get tired)

appearance: long, dark hair, ranging from a grade-a mess to oh-wait-that-actually-looks-really-nice. i'm half-japanese, half-caucasian, so...? also, 5'9 and slim (??? idk if that's the word, but i'll go with it!). i don't want to sound arrogant, but i like how i look, most of the time ^^

personality: i'm friendly and cheerful with pretty much everyone i meet, though i'm a bit awkward – like, i don't think i've met anyone that i straight up don't get along with, and i can befriend anyone if i have enough time XD i love my close friends very dearly, and my family and dog are some of the most important people in my life. my love languages are quality time and acts of service. like, "i WILL cook a meal for you if you're having a hard time and YOU WILL LIKE IT" kind of acts of service. i'd really like for physical affection to be one of my love languages – it looks so comfortable and nice – but i'm very guarded? physically and emotionally, so that's a problem XD i'm someone people share their struggles with, since i'm apparently a good listener and non-judgemental. i've also been told i make people comfortable. i like feeling useful and needed, so it's a bit like a symbiotic relationship akdjshaksjdf i make an active effort to be as genuine as i can, because i think that's really important. i'm very perceptive and analytical, alongside being a creative person. i like to think i'm pretty funny ;w; generally, i'll put up a front of being outgoing-ish to people, but my friends know that i get tired really easily, and i'll just sit there and zone out when i can XD i'm a bit neurotic, but that comes with being the eldest daughter <3 i get irritated when people aren't as efficient as i am, and i low key have no self-esteem, but oh well ;-; oh gosh i rambled i'm sorry T^T

likes: rain, cooking, producing music (like chill synth stuff) and listening to music, reading and writing hehe ((consumer and producer lmao)), roadtrips, rock climbing, drama (like, acting drama)

dislikes: conflict, drama (the gossip drama akjdfjksdhf), regret (weird thing to add, but i just really don't like the feeling ;-;), packed schedules

hobbies: archery, learning guitar, producing music and writing (again XD)

i really hope this isn't too much, length-wise ^^; i didn't want it to be too vague, then i got a bit carried away...anyway! i hope you're having/will have a good day!!

Hi Anon! Thank you for your request! Sorry it took so long. I hope you like your matchups!

In Bungo Stray Dogs, I match you with...

Junichiro is a lot like you in the sense that he cares deeply about his friends and family and, while he can be awkward at times, he’s good at socialising and making friends.

Conflict is unavoidable at the Armed Detective Agency but Junichiro tires his best to keep it to a minimum, especially when you’re around.

Enjoys going on road trips with you. He likes being able to get away from work for a while, as well as spend quality time with you.

He’s quietly supportive of you, especially regarding your lack of self-esteem. Junichiro thinks you’re great and he wants you to know that.

At the same time, I feel like Junichiro struggles with self-confidence as well so you can support each other. It’s a long road building up self-confidence but you’re there for each other.

In Attack on Titan, I match you with...

This was a close call between Jean and Connie but I think Jean would be a better fit for you. You just get along better.

If you thought Junichiro was supportive of you, Jean dials that up to the max. He cares about you so much that it almost hurts him knowing that you aren’t confident in yourself.

Jean would love cooking with you. He’s a huge fan of that domestic stuff so cooking with you while there’s some music playing in the background is one of his favourite things to do.

He finds you comforting, which is a big thing for him. Comfort is a rarity in the world of Attack on Titan and he’ll do what he can to make you feel comfortable as well.

I feel like Jean would enjoy rock climbing with you as well. He’s pretty fit so he can certainly keep up with you. It’s a good way of keeping fit and spending time with you.

[luvsavos]

Hey, it’s the Aiden anon again! I’m sorry bro, but I don’t have Discord, but I’m STILL SUPER interested on your thoughts on Aiden. PLEASE I’m begging you Mr. Martin, I need a MASSIVE text post from you about him. And honestly it’s for my friend too. Aiden is her babygirl. She has been in love/loved him since 4U and we both are always so excited to see him.

oh hello again!! it's no worries that you don't have discord, i definitely do Not at ALL mind going on a ramble about my boy, though i absolutely apologize in advance for the length of this post LMAO

for the most part until after the events of iceborne, my interpretation of him is fairly close to canon, though there is Some differences or original things here and there so disclaimer in advance since i'm maintagging this for canon divergence, this is my own little au that i am completely normal and not at all insane about; all of the stuff post-fatalis is based on rps with a friend so there's a Lot

if you/whoever's reading this just want my general Thoughts on aiden as a character and not my whole batshit insane au lore stuff, that'll be at the bottom of the post! (sorry)

when he was a kid, he was pretty carefree as you'd expect, he loved to help out around the village when he wasn't off playing with the other kids or his little sister (i don't think we ever got anything about his bio family in canon so this was entirely just me making things up LMAO). when the elder dragon activity caused the monster stampede that destroyed his village when he was only 7, he tried desperately to save people (specifically his sister) but, of course, failed, and i BELIEVE i'd headcanoned that he watched At Least One of his family members actively get gored/trampled by some monsters?

obviously the entire experience left him with a fear of monsterkind, and even into adulthood it still weighs heavily on him and likely occasionally causes nightmares and the likes. running blindly from the stampede with absolutely no sense of direction nor semblance of anything to help him survive in the wilderness, it's a miracle that he came across timben when he did, and naturally the people there took him in. though still weighed down by his trauma, aiden did his best to be as helpful around the village as possible, and he quickly became popular among the villagers for his willingness and readiness to help out wherever he could, and for his cheerful, outgoing personality. eventually, he decided he was tired of being frightened of monsters, so he took to studying them and making puns of their names as a way to cope and make himself less afraid of them. all this is pretty much just canon so far, from the legends of the guild movie (save for the parts about his old village, other than the stampede thing; i think that's the only real details we get about his home village?)

and then, of course, when he was fifteen (this isn't his canon age, i don't entirely know how old he's supposed to be in lotg? i THINK 17-18 but cmon he gives me the vibes of Unmedicated Adhd Teenager. fun fact julius is only 4 years older than aiden so that makes him 19 in this so that doesn't make a ton of sense but its fine i can ignore that, bro's already stressed himself to the point of white hair LMAO i think i'd make him a bit older than that though, maybe in his mid-late twenties?) came the elder crossing, and with it came julius, to warn timben of an oncoming lunastra that was headed in their direction. honestly idk why i'm recapping this canon stuff but listen i love talking about aiden okay ahdnsbfjgn

since the villagers refused to budge, aiden accompanied julius to go see the elder dragon for himself so that he can tell the villagers so they'll evacuate, and of course imprinted onto julius like an orphaned (ha bad joke) duckling along the way

don't need to recap all of lotg since it all plays out the same way; he admired everyone that helped try to fight off the lunastra, but he particularly looked up to mae like an older sister (this would later lead him to naming a kinsect paisley in honour of her's), and he still in present-day keeps her journal. the entire experience was... rough on him. he didn't feel any sense of victory, just a sort of hollowness and guilt---he blamed himself for mae and ravi's deaths, considering it was his impulsive suggestion to fight the lunastra rather than run that got them killed. it also left him with a permanent terror of lunastra specifically (this will come into relevance somewhat a bit later), and it solidified his resolve to become a proper hunter, so that he could learn how to properly fight monsters and protect people like he wanted to, and ensure nothing like that would happen again.

now here's where we start to get a Liddol Bit of canon divergence; anyone who's talked to me about my au knows that i REALLY like the idea of the guild being not as clean and morally sound as they like to seem---i really like exploring the concept of corruption within it, and the shady practices they keep under wraps. after all, power tends to breed corruption, and even if it's run by wyverians and Is primarily dedicated to genuinely trying to preserve the balance, the guild IS an incredibly powerful and influential organization (if not the single most powerful/influential one in the mh universe), and that's likely going to inevitably attract people who don't exactly have the best intentions in mind.

so! the guild. guild knights. we know that the knights are sent out to deal with poachers and the likes via apprehending them and/or killing them. that already means that, more than likely, our sweet boy aiden has human blood on his hands. so why not delve into that? aiden tended to prefer to stick to just helping protect and maintain the safety of places rather than do the whole Killing People thing, as i don't doubt that the concept of taking another human/wyverian/etc life upsets him. HOWEVER. early on into his days as a knight, he was sent out with a group of unfamiliar knights to deal with a velocidrome that was "causing problems" in a small village. the problems? it had been injured, and an old woman that lived some distance away from the village had taken it back to her house and nursed it back to health, and it chose to simply Stay, and that made the villagers uneasy. honestly, it wasn't really causing any genuine issues---it was just existing and choosing to stay with the person that had saved its life. the orders were clear cut: deal with "the problem" by any means necessary. aiden was gentler than the others (who were far more shady and... much less well-intentioned than him), but the woman was resolute in that she wouldn't let them kill the drome. so, as a "rite of passage," so to speak, the other guild knights forced aiden to kill not only the velocidrome, but the old woman as well. Guild Trauma, Babey!

the experience left a lasting mark on him, and he never told julius or the other ace hunters what exactly happened, but they could all tell that Something had based on how quiet and somber he was for several days after the incident. that was the first human life he took, and while he's undoubtedly had to kill poachers and other people who genuinely Were in the wrong, knowing that he has innocent blood on his hands has remained with him even long after he left the guild to join with the research commission. i'm nice to my faves i swear (<- lying)

so! fast forward to the commission, since there's not much else of importance for his guild days (yet, once i play 4u/gu this might change). this is where things really start to get divergent as they involve my ocs so buckle up lads we're going on An Adventure™️

like i said, really things are Mostly the same until post-iceborne; rather than a proper hunter, my player character oc is a "rider" that was raised by an anjanath so rather than kill all the monsters (though he doesn't have much issue with doing so) in the story some were simply communicated with and/or relocated if necessary, ie the agitated pukei, vaal hazak ("without a vaal hazak the entire rotten vale ecosystem would collapse!" [kills vaal hazak anyways] thank you monster hunter very cool!)

aiden takes a liking to the field team leader (achilles, as my friend i rp with named him<3) and they grow closer throughout base world, enough so that aiden ends up his second-in-command in seliana (this appears to be canon? idk he can be seen giving out more direct orders during the defense of seliana quest while ftl gives out generalized ones and theyre Always Seen Together except for in One (1) cutscene, post-velkhana death (i'm normal about them i promise) and theyre both at the council table right next to each other.....), things are Nice, everything's Great

and then Fatalis Happens. canonly, as i recall, aiden Nearly Died because of fatalis. like. lea/serious handler talks about how if he'd died she doesn't know how she would've kept going, aiden talks about how thinking about julius and ftl gave him the strength and willpower to keep fighting (totally normal bro things to say just guys being dudes am i right) and Not Die, it's a whole Thing. so my interpretation of aiden has a TON of absolutely AWFUL burn scars across the right side of his body from that. they're obviously nowhere near as bad as they COULD be, since i'm assuming he had some fire res on his build (that feels weird to say when not talking about gameplay), but they're still Bad because. well. fatalis LMAO

fast forward an indeterminate amount of time (i don't think my friend and i ever decided on how far after fatalis our stuff is💀) and everything's Great. here's where the balls to the wall canon divergence starts btw! shang, my "rider" oc, has helped people learn that some monsters can be reasoned with, and the monsters he's befriended are allowed about the base and the reach as they please (even if some AHEM VUGEL (my bastard of an ebony odogaron) COUGH are an absolute hindrance on purpose). aiden and ftl have gotten together by this point. shang's taken in a lot of orphaned monsters, one of which is a little lunastra that he's named chang'e, that seems to sense aiden's unease and tries to capitalize on it, but shang (halfheartedly) tries to hold the young elder dragon back from doing so.

one particularly notable monster around base is a gold-crown sized namielle, "nami," who's pretty much adopted shang. she's warm, motherly, and after the initial unease of having An Entire Elder Dragon around wore off she quickly became a familiar and welcomed face. another is the mountain god, shara ishvalda themself, having chosen to try to aid the commission as a way to "apologize" for the damage and chaos their presence in the everstream caused. nami's presence attracts a tall, foreboding man, with white hair and a beard, scars across his face, a permanent resting glare, and piercing golden eyes---he speaks very little, and when he does it's in a low mutter, and he seems to be observing the people of seliana. his presence is dread-inducing and sparks much unease, but nami is ecstatic to see him, stating he is an old friend who she hasn't seen in ages. for some time, things continue normally---until an argument between shara and nami breaks out, and the imposing stranger reveals his true nature as a dire miralis-sized white fatalis; the destroyer moon, alaakiilah, he who wiped out the ancients in a single night, in order to get the pair to cease their bickering.

aiden ends up being absolutely fascinated by al---sure, he's scared shitless of fatalis, but all the same... a fatalis, there, IN seliana, the fatalis of legend, and he's... not attacking them. granted, it's because he knows nami is fond of the mortals there, and he begrudgingly promised her that he wouldn't do anything to them, but still. the moon god is begrudgingly tolerant of aiden, and eventually achilles as well, as the pair typically don't stray far from one another (unless they Do, but that's not relevant right now), and eventually, through sheer persistence in his fascination, aiden (and achilles) are allowed the one single highest honour one can have: the permission to touch alaakiilah's beard. much as he might disdain to admit it, al ends up being genuinely, albeit begrudgingly, fond of aiden, and aiden's all but dadopted him (he's collecting white haired father figures, isn't he?). this comes into more relevance later.

after some time, al comes across an abandoned fatalis egg (i have my own whole Thing on fatalis eggs and reproduction in general but that's its own post LOL), which he brought back to the supply cache (after achilles offered to let him nest there with the egg) to incubate, and after a day, it hatches, into a tiny, defenseless, harmless baby female fatalis, which namielle names yunhind---that translating to "new hope," in honour of how no fatalis in recorded history has ever been raised in proximity to mortals before, and the destroyer moon's decision to trust in the commission to not fuck things up. the little one immediately takes a liking to aiden, and though he's more than a little nervous at first at the prospect of babysitting the destroyer of humanity's adopted child, he quickly becomes more confident in it as she grows and he becomes more attached to her---it makes him think back to his younger sister, and his inability to protect her, and he's determined to make sure absolutely nothing happens to yunhind.

there's a whole Thing that happens with the guild, having learned of the abundance of monsters around seliana, threatening achilles to try and pressure him into killing and/or relocating them all to "protect the people," then taking matters into their own hands when he refuses---this entire debacle (affectionately dubbed The Guild Arc, Part One) leaves aiden shaken up as it confirms a lot of his fears and doubts that have been building under the surface for years on end now.

fatalis mature quickly, even when naturally hatched, and within a few months, yunhind is a fully grown and wholly unique fatalis, dubbed an "ashen fatalis" due to adapting to her surroundings and taking on the properties of ice element as well as fire (they're interchangeable, though her ability to use both at once is somewhat limited), and the unique ability to transfer energy to heal others, and her scales being an ashy grey colour. she spends most of her time in her human form, and she views aiden like an older brother. things settle back down around base, and everything is okay again.

until it's not, of course<3

achilles goes missing, which stresses aiden out, naturally--and then vodrem happens, because nothing good lasts forever. well, vodrem happens Again, but i hadn't started rping aiden by the first time, so uhhh. idk he was on a vacation in the old world i guess?? that was an entire Year before the second Vodrem Event

now, dear reader, you're probably wondering, "martin who the fuck is vodrem", which is a VERY good question! vodrem is my nonfandom/multiverse god of chaos oc, who's part of his own little original oc bubble, though they're all based on monhun monsters; vodrem in particular is based on nergigante and morodumunto, though he usually takes the form of a not-quite-right nergigante

he makes a habit of consuming entire universes for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and psychologically tormenting people just for the hell of its. he's power hungry, immensely dangerous, and cunning.

in his wake, he leaves "instabilities"; where the very fabric of reality itself gets fucked up, and these can have a variety of effects on anything that enter the area, but the most common has been people getting turned into monsters. the five were INCREDIBLY meticulous about mending any left behind after the first vodrem event, and they made absolutely certain to mend them all.

but a new one appeared. one which aiden wandered into---the change wasn't instantaneous, it started with just feeling sick and feverish, with heat specifically concentrated in his chest, to the point that it would get unbearable and he'd have to lay in the snow just for some relief, and finding his temper to be increasingly short and explosive. then came the headaches and soreness of the throat, and tiny black scales forming across his skin. then the desire to find some small space outdoors, perhaps a cave or the likes, though he ended up seeking comfort (ironically) in the destroyer moon's presence. i'm sure you can see where this is going, yes?

of all the monsters in the world, it had to be a fatalis. because of course it would be. as you'd expect, this caused him an IMMENSE amount of distress on top of the distress he already had from achilles' absence. for some time, there were no other signs of vodrem, and yunhind and al (mostly yunhind) helped aiden learn How To Fatalis.

and then all hell broke lose, as it does with vodrem. he claimed to have killed achilles, and though aiden had been trying his absolute damndest to suppress the fatalis rage and instincts, he let them overtake him---he went after vodrem, intending to unleash an ocean of flame upon him... didn't SUCCEED, all he got was speared through the lung and his back torn into by vodrem, the wounds afflicted with what was dubbed as "tarblight"; a corrosive, highly painful substance that vodrem secrets that seems to only be able to be cured by vodrem himself or his much more well-intentioned brother, vodinok. for the rest of the fight, aiden was simply unconscious, so he doesn't have much relevance for the rest of it. as i recall, one of the five managed to transform him back into a human, and vodinok cured the tarblight while yunhind healed his wounds.

unfortunately for my poor darling aiden, the form of the fatalis is not one so easily controlled, and so despite the five's best efforts, that part of him never really left---strong negative emotions still cause spontaneous transformations, and he's typically very skittish and nervous in this form because of how hard it is to suppress the fatalis instincts. the transformations take a LOT of energy out of him too, and while he CAN force a transformation back, that takes even more energy, so he's usually just kinda Stuck like that for a few days, which he usually spends hunkered in the supply cache, because for as good as he's gotten at maintaining his usual demeanor, the innate rage and violent instincts are always just a breath away from the surface, bubbling and boiling, like a pot of water just seconds away from boiling over. Not at All a fun experience for him!

after this the Guild Arc Part 2 happens, with aiden traveling to the old world with al to retrieve achilles from the corrupt and shady part of the guild who'd come to seliana in the first place; that's a whole Thing in of itself as well, and aiden ends up having to take a few more lives, though the guilt and emotions of, well. Everything, really, don't set in until after its all said and done, considering this entire thing takes place only maybe a few days after the vodrem event, if i recall correctly, so aiden's still more than a little out of it, and the dissonance of everything that happened there only made him even More out of it.

aaaaand i Think that's It? i don't believe i've had him be involved in any major plot stuff since then (aside from the temporary vampire event that was for halloween), so he's finally gotten to have the break that he oh so DESPERATELY needs and deserves... for now! i would like to involve him with more things again in the future (i never did get to write out a storyline where he briefly looses himself to the fatalis instincts---even just using the elemental abilities tend to have that effect on him, so using too MUCH would be Bad---and has to be brought back down from them...), so who knows! maybe he'll end up Going Through It a little bit more, as a Treat<3 the amount of suffering i put my faves through is proportional to how much i like them☺

now then! for my thoughts on aiden as a character; i love him. he's a sweet, caring and well-intentioned person, and i see a lot of myself in him (namely with the Incredibly Obvious adhd). it makes me happy to see a character like him (again, adhd) not treated like the butt of a joke, and instead be shown to actually be incredibly competent and important to the commission. i really hope we see him again in another game in the future, even if it's just as a cameo (he and the field team leader WERE planning to take that vacation to the old world so aiden could introduce ftl to julius........) and nothing else. of all the wonderful characters mh has to offer, i think aiden is by far my favourite i am so incredibly normal about him (this is by far the longest ramble post i have ever made LMAO) and he is just. absolutely Wonderful. my darling beloved my son my everything etc etc. i hope that if he does come back in a future game, if he's Not Just a cameo, we get to do another hunt properly with him; fatalis was obviously the testing grounds for the npc followers in sunbreak, so i'd love to get to do a proper hunt with him now that that's A Thing, if they choose to keep it going forward (and i don't see why they wouldn't, given the positive reception it got). i think that the duality of him being so bubbly, positive and outgoing even despite everything he's been through is interesting, and i find the concept of exploring that trauma to be fascinating because, let's be real, poor guy has definitely been through some shit. NORMALLY if my faves don't have a backstory i come up with one for them but i didn't even Have To give him a traumatic backstory capcom did that for me LMFAO

anyways. thank u for the ask nonnie i am SO incredibly sorry for the length of this post the tism took the wheel, i know i went on a few tangents that weren't that related but ahdkdhfjd i just have A Lot of lore for my au and aiden's been involved in a fair bit of it

[starlitlakes]

In the process of writing something as a little coping mechanism

I haven't written anything in a few years now, for school or for fun, so we'll see how this one ends up, if I don't lose motivation for writing it

Just kind of trying to shake the dust from my shoulders and dip a toe into writing and posting something for fandom. I hope I'll like it enough to share it, and that everyone else will like it too

It's going to be a x amount of times eddie wasn't expecting you + the one time he was sort of thing, if I can maintain motivation and keep getting through my own school work

Idk ik I'm rambling but my friend and I just got in a fight and I'm sad about it so I'm trying to keep myself occupied even though it's 2:30am and I'm losing my mind a little

Anyway though. My goal is for it to be a friends to lovers situation if I can get the length right. I don't want it to seem too rushed, but realistically I'm not sure how much I'll be able to write

I'm no good with writing long form works anymore, so fingers crossed this goes well

If not I have one other eddie idea before I have no idea what to write lmao

.

I think I'm gonna go to sleep now

So sorry to anyone who reads this post specifically, but I'm hoping that there will be an actual fic for you to read soon instead of my ramblings, and that it won't be awful lmao

I hope everyone has a good day/ night, depending on when you see this.

Ok ok ok gn

[ace-of-hearts-and-spades]

EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP MEG POSTED A NEW FIC FOR THE PASSENGER I REPEAT WE HAVE A NEW RANSON FIC 🗣️🗣️📢📢

I'm VIBRATING IN MY SEAT I'm EXPLODING I am LAUNCHING MYSELF INTO SPACE YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. This is so fuckin soft and sweet and aughaughaah they deserve it after all the fuckass shit they've survived and been through (because they definitely did survive, one-hundy percent, no denial to see here folks 🫡)

Anyways the rest of my stupid play-by-play rambling is under the cut. But suffice to say I loved this and I'm obsessed with it and I'm going to be rereading it several times okay.

Love that Benson wakes up with backpain lmao. Me the fuck too man. Me 🤝 Benson fr.

Not a chance with this marshmallow bed and the sun popping its stupid Raisin Bran fucking face through the blinds. Benson sleeps dark and cold and silent with his back to the wall. Arms locked in front of his chest like armor. Like a corpse on a slab.�� Or he used to, anyway.

God this part is just so fuckin Benson. The fucking scathingness of marshmallow and Raisin Bran fucking face is perfect and also very funny to me. But of course he sleeps like a corpse on the slab, like he's protecting himself or like he's just a living dead boy shell of a human facade......... I feel ill.

He inhales slow and deep and he smells warm and bright and a little grimey. Like summer. Like sweat and mud and the most beautiful blue sky you’ve ever seen.

RANDY SMELLS LIKE SUMMER............ JOTTING THIS DOWN THIS IS SO REAL THIS IS SO FITTING of course he smells like summer to Benson ouhgoghufgfghh 😭😭😭

And the nightmares they both have that wake them both up and how they try to support each other in different ways?? ow ow OW my fucking HEART. BENSON'S HAD SO MANY NIGHTMARES ABOUT SUFFOCATING THAT HE CAN'T DO THAT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IF I KILLED SOMEBODY ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes he wants to fuck them up. Track mud across the carpet, break a dish. Say the wrong thing. Bite down too hard.

Ahhhh classic push-them-away-so-they-can't-hurt-me-first typa deal. I can totally envision Benson doing this. Keeping everyone at arm's length, and when anyone gets too close, he purposefully sabotages any potential capacity for a relationship. He's come to expect being a fuckup. But then Randy just pierces through his defenses and despite everything, despite how they came together..... he just can't. And more than that, he simply doesn't want to.

There’s been a violence in Benson for as long as he can remember. Bone-deep. And it’s a magnet, pulls other violence right to him like wasps to fresh meat.

Obsessed with this imagery oughhhhh

And Benson likes being Randy's guard dog...... fuck of course he does. He loves getting to pretend that he isn't a wobbly-legged calf too, standing by the edge of the road and watching the cars pass by and waiting for the day one comes too close and splatters him across the pavement or the day someone decides it's finally time to put this old cow out of its misery. Wow okay that got dark. Sorry. My brain went somewhere.

The version of himself who’s confident and decisive and knows who Trent Reznor is.

Stoppppp that's so fucking cute 🥺

“If you fall out I’m leaving your ass behind.”  “No you wouldn’t.”  “You’re right, I wouldn’t.” 

Literally my reaction lmao "shut the fuck up benson u liar we know u wouldn't."

Also I fucking love the details of Randy having crust in his eyes and leaving a pink mark on his cheek and Benson's chest from where he was pressed up against him. It's so realistic and almost...... I want to say deromanticized? But it's still so soft and sweet. It feels more genuine, almost.

And Randy talking about the dream where they're at the beach and Benson punches a shark so hard it dies had me giggling out loud. That's so fucking amazing oh my God. But then Benson says he's never been to the beach........... "Like loss except you never had the thing in the first place. Like realizing maybe you’re supposed to be mourning something but you don’t really know what that something is or why it’s so important." Brb launching myself out of a window ahhhhhhh 😭😭😭

Okay but then Randy starts trying to "convince" Benson to go to the beach with him 👀 👀 👀 Okay. Okay.................... 👀

OKAY I'M DONE NOW LOL THAT WAS A LOT. Fucking incredible work as always my friend. Your fics are always such a treat gahhhhh mwah mwah mwah a thousand kisses for Meg 💕💕💕

folger's, eat your heart out

oh my god this got away from me so bad it's wanted in twelve states. but it's done (is anything ever done) and i'm.......i'm quite happy with it. i really hope you like it.

4.3k words. canon divergence, boys on the run. established relationship. character study, lots of introspection. implied sexual content, nothing too explicit. so much kissing. hand job. light s/m. night terrors and vague mention of canon-typical trauma. mostly soft, so soft. benson is so in love and doesn't know it yet <3

read on ao3 here if that's more your speed.

It’s a Tuesday. Benson knows this because his eyes snap open automatically at five in the morning even though he hasn’t set an alarm in weeks. He opens on Tuesdays, been on that schedule for so long he doesn’t even need the alarm anymore anyways. 

Well, he used to open on Tuesdays. 

He wakes up slow. Gets a savage satisfaction out of being somewhere unfamiliar, revels in it. With bleary eyes he traces the outline of the water damage on the ceiling and it’s different than the one back home. Room smells different too, stale sweat and dust and complimentary green tea bar soap. The mattress is too fucking soft, folds around him like dough. His spine is electric with pain. 

Fuck, he’s getting old. Twenty-nine going on fifty. 

He drags a hand over his face and wishes he could fall back asleep. Not going to happen. Not a chance with this marshmallow bed and the sun popping its stupid Raisin Bran fucking face through the blinds. Benson sleeps dark and cold and silent with his back to the wall. Arms locked in front of his chest like armor. Like a corpse on a slab. 

Or he used to, anyway. 

He can’t feel his left arm. He pushes his chin into his throat at an odd angle to look down at Randy, still asleep, curled up on Benson’s chest like a sandy-colored cat. His hands are tucked together, long, knobby fingers folded over each other, resting in the center of Benson’s ribs. The sun takes each strand of his hair and wraps it in gold, even his eyelashes, laying long and pretty on his cheeks. 

Fuck Folger’s. Nothing comes close to this. 

It’s surreal, still. Being here, being anywhere, together. Like, together. Unbelievable the way he fits so neatly under Benson’s arm. He rests his lips against the crown of Randy’s head. He does it because he wants to, because he can. He inhales slow and deep and he smells warm and bright and a little grimey. Like summer. Like sweat and mud and the most beautiful blue sky you’ve ever seen. Fucking perfect, he’s perfect. 

He's peaceful now, which is saying something. Randy’s a terrible sleeper. Sharing a bed with him is punishing. He thrashes in his sleep, digs elbows into Benson’s ribs and jolts him awake in a panic ready to fight, and then Benson has to stare into the abyss and count to a thousand before he can calm the fuck down and drift off again. 

He never talks about his nightmares. Benson knows he has them, but he knows better than to ask about shit like that. On occasion he’ll wake up to Randy tugging on his arm, pulling it around him like a security blanket. He doesn’t mind that in the least, rolls over half asleep and wraps himself around Randy’s sweat-soaked body. He pins his arms to his sides for both their sakes, buries his face against the back of his neck, and that’s that. Problem solved. 

Benson, on the other hand, sleeps like the dead–save for the nights he wakes up screaming and doesn’t realize he’s doing it. Doesn't even know he's awake until he sees Randy’s face floating above him in the dark, wide-eyed like some twig-limbed owl. Until he feels his hands on his face, wiping salt from his cheeks. 

Shit sucks, because then he has to turn all the lights on and pace the room, chewing on a cigarette and cracking his neck ‘til it's sore, trying to walk it off. Randy sits on the bed hugging his knees to his chest and watches him like a hawk. But he doesn't speak, doesn't try to push it, waits patiently until Benson crawls back into bed and lets him decide where he wants to be. 

He can't stand to be touched during and after those episodes, always hated when his ma would try to smother him when he was still young enough to smother, but funny enough, Randy’s okay. Doesn't seem to count. Maybe it's because he lets him set the pace and doesn't get his feelings hurt when Benson curls up on the edge of the mattress with pillows stacked between them. Either way, most times Benson falls back asleep with his head tucked into the hollow of Randy's neck and those skinny arms slung around his shoulders. And the light on.

The night terrors aren’t new, but it’s been a while since they’ve been this bad. It’s like they’ve worked their way to the surface of his brain. Like a splinter finding its way out of the skin. He doesn’t like Randy seeing him that way, but he can’t really help it. He used to sleep on his stomach with his face in the pillow so he wouldn’t wake Ma and have to deal with her on top of everything else, but he had so many nightmares about suffocating he can't do it anymore. 

But Randy never lets Benson apologize in the morning, insists he doesn't mind being woken up. He's told him that again and again, so often that Benson’s starting to believe him. They’re both fucked in the head just enough that it makes it okay. No hard feelings. 

Last night was quiet for both of them, for once. Benson wishes he was still asleep to take advantage of it, but this is nice too. He can feel Randy’s breath on his collarbone and it’s driving him crazy, a little bit. He’s not used to nice things. He’s always scared he’s gonna fuck them up somehow. Sometimes he wants to fuck them up. Track mud across the carpet, break a dish. Say the wrong thing. Bite down too hard. 

He’s learning how to be gentle. He’s trying, like, really trying. Randy doesn’t make it easy, that’s for damn sure. The way he whimpers when Benson’s hands are on him isn’t fucking fair. The way he bares his throat and gasps and begs. And then he shows Benson the marks afterwards like he’s proud of them, like Benson wasn’t there when he got them. 

“You did a number on me,” he said last night with this sheepish grin, almost giddy, leaning over the sink to look at himself in the mirror. Prodding at the bite mark on his shoulder, the hickies on his neck. Never mind all the shit he couldn’t see from that angle, but Benson saw it. The shape of his body all over Randy’s in bruises. 

Made him feel kinda good and kinda bad, sort of guilty, but then Randy looked over at him with those eyes, hair all mussed, bottom lip cherry red and swollen, and said with unmistakable adoration, “You’re an animal, Bence.” 

Un-fucking-fair. 

But he’s trying, he is. Trying to ease up on the reins. Trying to be soft, because Randy needs soft no matter what he asks Benson for in the dark. He can’t fuck this up. Can’t fuck him up; at least, not any more than he already has. On the list of things he’s ever wanted to fuck up in the world, Randy is at the bottom. 

And it’s good too, the lovey-dovey bullshit. It’s good. It’s great. The way Randy falls asleep on his shoulder halfway through the movie, any movie, no matter how good it is or how loud it’s turned up or how much Benson promised him he was gonna like it. The way he bumps his knuckles against Benson’s when they’re standing shoulder-to-shoulder, just because. Just to touch him. He’ll catch him smiling at him for no reason, all the time, just glance over and there he is looking like they’re on their way to Disney World. No one's ever smiled at him like that. He’s not even doing anything to earn it, he’s just living his fucking life. The fact of his existence is apparently an ongoing novelty to Randy. 

Crazy fucking kid. 

Benson feels like he’s body-swapped with someone on better terms with luck and the skin doesn’t fit quite right but fuck, he’s figuring out how to make it work. He doesn’t get handed things like this. Good things with no strings attached. He’s always kind of on edge, always waiting for someone to break down the door and haul him away. For someone to pause the laugh track and punch through the set. For Randy to suffer a moment of clarity and tell him to go fuck himself. 

He’s never had this kind of good, never expected it. Never really thought he deserved it. And Randy sure doesn't deserve this kind of bizarre sideways bullshit that makes up the best that Benson can offer. He deserves better from him. From everyone. From life. Benson keeps trying to tell him that. 

Too bad he can't quite convince him. Too bad Benson’s selfish and couldn't let go of him if he tried. Wouldn't even try. Wouldn't turn out well. 

He runs his thumb across the angle of Randy's cheekbone, feather-light. He wants to let him sleep and he wants him to wake up and he doesn’t know which he wants more. He draws lines across his cheek, from the corner of his mouth, along the edge of his jaw, carefully, carefully, so gentle his hand shakes. He’s probably never been hit in the face. Probably never had a black eye, broken nose. Shy, scared, beautiful thing. 

There’s been a violence in Benson for as long as he can remember. Bone-deep. And it’s a magnet, pulls other violence right to him like wasps to fresh meat. Sometimes he loves it, sometimes he hates it. He always falls back on it, no matter how hard he tries to leave it behind or wrap it up so tight it can’t get out. He fails again and again. But it doesn’t scare Randy anymore. In fact, it’s like Randy gives it justification. Permission. Validates it. Like maybe it’s hung around this whole time just so Benson could learn how to use it, for his sake. To protect him. At least until he figures out how to protect himself. 

And Randy’s learning, he is. Stands up taller, takes up space. Orders his own food at restaurants. But Benson kind of likes playing guard dog. Likes being needed in that way, and others. Likes being needed by Randy in particular. 

Benson’s already killed for him, so it’s like he’s always trying to find a way to top that. That should be hard, right, but Randy makes it easy. Gets excited over nothing, little shit like finding both their names on some dumb souvenir keychains. Or when he brings him a bag of plain fucking potato chips, his favorite. Or when Benson covers his eyes before the money shot in some gore flick because he’s a pussy and also it dredges up some shit for him that neither of them wants to think about. The way he lights up about that stuff, stupid little stuff, makes Benson feel worthwhile in a way he can’t describe. 

For all he goes on about helping Randy become the best version of himself, the version of himself who’s confident and decisive and knows who Trent Reznor is, sometimes Benson gets the feeling like maybe, Randy’s the one making him better. Not changing him, not really, just…making him kind of okay. Making it all kind of okay. There are so many things Benson’s taken for granted, never thought twice about. About himself, about his life, about where both of those things would end up and how they’d get there. Randy makes him reconsider. Makes it worth reconsidering. 

It feels wrong to stop him. Might as well let him try. What’s it gonna hurt?

Sometimes he wants to laugh in disbelief at it all. Who the fuck is he these days? Going soft right and left and glad for it. He feels like he’s on another planet. Hundreds of miles from home, no phone, no way back. Shooting towards the sun with everything he needs inside his shitty little rocket ship of a car. 

Randy’s a spaceman for sure, no question. Ever since they turned west and hit the desert, he hangs out the window when they drive at night through all that nothing, head craned back to look at the sky. 

“The fuck you think you’re doing?” Benson asked him the first time, when he rolled down the window and started climbing out like a fucking lunatic. 

“Looking at the stars,” Randy said. “There’s so many, Benson…you should look.” 

“No thanks, I'm driving.” 

“I mean…you could stop first.”

“I’ve seen stars, Randy.” 

Randy was halfway out the window so his reply was almost lost to the wind. “Not like this.” 

Benson reached over and grabbed him by the pocket of his jeans. “If you fall out I’m leaving your ass behind.” 

He let Benson pull him back inside then, and stared right at him in this new way of his. This new, brave Randy who had finally shaken some of that paralyzing fear of confrontation and figured out how to be direct. “No you wouldn’t.” 

Benson had looked at him for as long as he could without drifting into the other lane, and then looked at him a little bit longer and had to course correct. “You’re right, I wouldn’t.” 

He’s right. He wouldn’t. 

Benson lets the memory slide away and finds Randy gazing up at him here and now, eyes crusted with sleep. He feels a twinge in his chest like a guitar string being plucked. The whole room is golden now. 

“Morning, sunshine,” he says, and even he can hear the velvet in his voice. Feels self-conscious about it for a second until he gets distracted by Randy wrinkling his nose to stave off a yawn. 

“Morning,” he murmurs, peels his cheek off Benson's chest and leaves a pink circle behind that matches the one on his face. He rubs at his eyes and gives him that dumb Disney World smile. “Sleep well?”  

“Slept great.” Benson swipes away a stray eye booger from the inside corner of Randy’s left eye. “Nice to have one single solitary night where I don't have to fight you to the death.”

Randy bites the inside of his cheek, looks bashful. Benson fucking loves it. “Well, I mean…you wore me out pretty good last night.”

Benson smirks, takes hold of the back of Randy’s neck and pulls him back into his shoulder. “Yeah I did. I oughta do that more often.”

Randy worms his arm beneath the covers and around Benson’s waist and it gives him honest-to-god butterflies. He runs his fingers through Randy’s hair. It's getting fucking long, almost falls past his ears. He keeps asking him to cut it and Benson keeps refusing. It's got this little flip at the ends that he thinks is cute. He bets it’ll grow out into gorgeous fucking waves when it hits his shoulders. 

He takes a fistful and squeezes, does that a couple times before he tugs his head up so they’re nose-to-nose. Randy’s eyelids slide half-closed and his lips part on reflex. 

“What you wanna do today?” Benson murmurs. He can feel Randy’s breath on his chin, licks his lips. 

“...just this,” Randy says, almost a whisper. 

“That’s it?”  

“Yeah.”  

“You’re not bored of this?”  

“No.”  

Benson almost smiles. “Me neither.”

He pushes Randy's head back down into the curve of his neck, rides the swell of satisfaction he gets from his frustrated groan. “Don’t worry, babe, we got all day. How about you, how’d you sleep?”  

“Good.”  His thumb moves back and forth along Benson’s hip and it’s electric, feels like he’s got lightning bolts shooting around under his skin, makes his muscles twitch. He’s still not used to that. Gentle shit like that. “Had a dream about you.”

“No shit?”  He’s not sure anyone’s ever dreamt about him before. He’s kinda flattered. “Was it hot?”  

Randy snorts. “No, it wasn’t…like that. We, uh…we were at the beach.”  

Benson screws up his eyebrows, looks down at Randy. He can’t see his face from this angle. “The beach?”  

“Yeah. We were just, like…there. Just messing around. I mean, there were other people there, but they didn’t…matter.”  

Benson doesn’t know what to make of this. “Huh. That’s it?  Just…beach day?”  

“Yeah. Well, I mean, until the end. A shark showed up and you…punched it so hard that it died.”  

Benson does a genuine double-take. “I punched a shark. And it died?”  

Now Randy twists, looks up at him, smiling. “Yeah. It was awesome.”  

It sounds kind of awesome. Benson pokes him in the ribs. “You’re a fucking dork.”  

“I’m just telling you what happened!”  

“Look, Randy, I’ve never been to the beach, but I’ve seen Jaws about one thousand times and I know for a fact a shark would swallow my ass whole. And it would eat you and not even know that it happened. I’m not saying I’m scared, I’m just saying, don’t count on me to save you from a fucking sea monster.”  

Randy doesn’t laugh and Benson looks at him and he’s making that face, that little frown and the line on his forehead that means that Benson just said something puzzling. Here we go. He tenses up without meaning to, braces for it. Grits his teeth, pops his knuckles. 

“You’ve…really never been to the beach?”  

Fuck, he hates this feeling. Like loss except you never had the thing in the first place. Like realizing maybe you’re supposed to be mourning something but you don’t really know what that something is or why it’s so important. He knows his upbringing wasn’t shit compared to Randy’s, compared to most kids’. He just wishes he could grow out of giving a shit about it. 

So he gets defensive. He always gets defensive. “No, I’ve never been to the fucking beach. What’s so super-duper special about a bunch of sand?  And water that’s mostly fish piss?”  

Randy props himself up on his elbow, leans lightly on Benson’s chest, completely unfazed by his attitude. “Well…let’s go. You can decide for yourself.”  

“To the beach?” Benson says incredulously. “Randy, we’re in fucking New Mexico.”  

“Not–not today.”  Randy waves his hand dismissively. “We can leave tomorrow. Make a beeline for California.”  

And that’s that. The magical realism of the newly reformed Randy Fucking Bradley. No pity. No shame. Just the simplest solution in the whole damn universe. 

“California.”  Benson pictures the Beach Boys and hippies on rollerskates, rolls his eyes. “Sounds dreamy.”  

“It’ll be worth it, Benson, I promise.”  Randy looks at him with those puppy-dog eyes, chews his lip, slides his arm around Benson’s waist. He knows what the fuck he’s doing, the little shit; he’s too smart for his own good. “We don’t have to stay. We can leave as soon as we get there. I just…I think you would like it.” He leans a little heavier against Benson’s ribs, nudges his foot with his toes. “Please?”  

Benson huffs. He’s not a fucking pushover, swear to God he’s not, but it’s like he can’t help but fold these days. He’s gonna spoil the guy rotten if he’s not careful. He has to at least pretend to put up a fight, just to say he tried. “What if I say no?”  

His brow furrows. The puppy-dog eyes flick down to his mouth and back. “Well...maybe I could convince you.”  

One of Benson’s eyebrows pops up. He likes the sound of that. “I’m listening.”  

Randy sits up unsteadily on the marshmallow mattress and straddles Benson’s hips, tucking his hands beneath the pillow on either side of his head. Benson looks up at him, the angles of his face kissed by the sun, and feels a pleasant sort of ache in his chest. It's almost the same feeling as when he finally gave in and pulled over and let Randy sit on the hood, leaned back next to him and looked up at the stars and felt big and small at the same time. 

“It’s amazing, Bence…you can't even imagine.”  His thighs press against Benson's waist, wrists press against his shoulders. 

“Yeah?” Benson licks his lips. His eyes can’t move fast enough, trying to take in every piece of his face, of his body, his name written all over all of it in red and purple. “Tell me about it.”  

Randy's hair is hanging over his face like a messy kind of halo. He peers through it with this earnest intensity, this lion cub ferocity that might be the hottest thing Benson's ever seen. He shifts his weight to one hand and strokes the sensitive spot behind Benson’s ear with his thumb, sends chills spidering across his skin. 

“The smell of the water and–and the sound. You never forget it. And it makes you feel…it’s massive. It’s amazing.” 

“You know what else is massive?”  

Randy stifles a chuckle, looks away, color rising in his cheeks. Benson grins. “Listen to me, Benson.”

“I'm listening!”

“It makes you feel…it makes you feel small, I guess. But not in a bad way. We could just walk around or maybe…swim a little bit?”

Benson pictures Randy with wet hair, dark and wavy, water rolling down his neck. Salt water, salty skin. “Could be nice.”

“We can do whatever you want.”  He curls his toes against Benson’s thighs. “We could get ice cream and sit in the sun.”

The image of melted sticky sugar dripping over Randy’s hand, down his arm, hits Benson like a truck. Knocks the wind right out of him. He thinks about licking it off, watching him suck it off his own fingers. He wraps his hands behind Randy's knees and grips harder than he means to. 

“That sounds, uh…that sounds good. I’m into that,” Benson says and he sounds like a moron in his own ears but it makes Randy smile so it's fine. He can feel the blood rushing away from his brain as fast as it can and he’s about ready to give in and end the discussion. Move on to other things. 

Randy gets that earnest, uncertain look in his eyes all the sudden and touches Benson's face, brushes his thumb across the lines at the corner of his eyes in this foreign kind of way that Benson’s brain registers passively as tenderness, and all the sudden he can't breathe right. His throat’s fucked up like he’s getting sick. He swallows hard. 

“I want to–I want to kiss you in the ocean,” Randy says quietly. “I think…I'd really like that.” 

So now this is the only thing Benson cares about. His number-one goal. A shining and glorious reason to be alive. He’s going to kiss Randy in the ocean if it’s the last thing he fucking does. 

“How about you kiss me right here, huh?”  He cups the back of Randy’s neck and pulls him in, hard, yanks him really, because he can’t fucking help it. Because he wants him right now, right fucking now. 

Randy resists, just a little, on reflex, and then gets overeager and his lips crash into Benson’s, but that’s okay. Randy kisses like he’s starved for it, always, no matter how long they’ve been at it. Even now, first thing in the fucking morning, he opens his mouth expectantly and moans when Benson slips his tongue past his teeth, one hand twisting the sheets, the other gripping his shoulder. He’s greedy, wants more, always more, is done depriving himself after fourteen years of solitude. 

They’re a perfect match because Benson wants to give it to him. Anything he wants, everything, always, no matter where they are or how much skin is showing. He wants to share his space, his spit, his air, his anger, every inch of the car, every inch of the sky. All the bad nights. All the good ones, too. All the golden mornings that come after. 

Benson laps at Randy’s bottom lip, catches it in his teeth and pulls. He digs his fingers into the half-healed shadow of his own hand on Randy’s waist from all the times before, opens his mouth to catch the gasp that wrenches free from his chest and swallows it whole. 

“Benson,” Randy says, breathes his name like an exclamation of wonder. He presses the length of his body against Benson’s, weaves his fingers through the curls at the back of his neck and squeezes tight. He moves his hips in short, subconscious little thrusts, makes a desperate, hungry noise in the back of his throat. Benson can feel him hard against his stomach and fuck, he better pop a handful of painkillers for his back because they’re not leaving this shitty bed anytime soon. 

Randy leans to the side so there’s a little breathing room between them. He runs his hand over Benson's chest, down his stomach, wraps his fingers around his dick and the sound Benson makes is strangled, animal. 

“We can go, right?” Randy says. He strokes him like he can barely contain himself. “We can leave tomorrow?”

Benson arches his aching spine against the bullshit fucking mattress, digs his nails into Randy's back, feels lucky. Feels like a spaceman. 

“Fuck yes. Fuck–yes–you got it, baby.”

Randy lights up and it's like staring into the sun. Transcendent. Fucking beautiful. 

He twists out of Benson's grasp and ducks beneath the sheets and Benson can't fucking stand it. Can’t believe it’s real. He feels weightless, so light he just might end up way out there with all the stars. Nothing comes close to this, never has, never will. It’s not fair. He probably doesn’t deserve it. But no one ever said life was fair, now, did they?  Sooner or later the odds had to end up in your favor.

He closes his eyes and grips the sheets and lets it be, lets it all be for once. Because for once, it's good. He's good. He's great. And they’re leaving tomorrow. For California.

Sounds dreamy. 

tagging a couple friends who have gassed me up and been so patient sdlkfjlsk i just adore you guys <3

@crumb @ace-of-hearts-and-spades @cherubgore

[wander-over-the-words]

Random silly question..what’s it like in the UK? 😃

It’s. nice? I mean I like it lmao. I’ve never had any plans to move elsewhere in the world (or in the country really) cause I’m perfectly happy where I am. 

But UH to be more specific! I can’t speak for the entire UK, obviously, but the part where I live is. satisfyingly in the middle of ‘in the city’ and ‘in the country’. It’s ‘in the city’ enough that anything we could really need isn’t at all far - got the essentials like schools, a hospital, a GP, fire station, entire streets of shops, even got a goddamn crematorium, and then the more entertaining stuff like parks, cinema, bowling alley/arcade, takeaway places, all that sort of stuff, and they’re all a short distance away. But it’s also out of the city enough that there’s just. space y’know? We don’t get the hustle and bustle of traffic, there’s tons of room for especially dog owners to take their pets cause all the parks are massive, and nothing really. happens around here, heh. I hear the occasional shouting from people in the street (either happy drunk shouting or loud argument shouting; I won’t try and claim everybody around here is super chill or ‘we all know each other’ or anything like that), but we rarely ever have anything ‘big’ happen around here. 

Not to mention, where I live is just easy to be in. It’s not uncommon to go out and for there to be next to nobody else in the street. Easy to navigate and find things you need. Lots of buses have routes through the place, so, hey, if riding on the trademark double decker buses is at all an appeal of being in England to you, well *gestures to the bus stop* there they are lmao

It’s worth mentioning that London is. ehhhh nrgnrng. Like I do get why people go there, especially since it’s the Big Guy in terms of locations in England, but personally? Meh. London’s just very…busy. Everything’s expensive, it’s noisy, it can be a BITCH to navigate, and - in my opinion - it just feels…claustrophobic. Not to mention, London at night is like. borderline dangerous ngnrgnr. I don’t mean to discourage anyone from going, but London just ain’t for me, personally

HOWEVER, there are still locations in London that are pretty cool. If you go there for anything, go there for the theatres. I won’t lie to you; I dunno how it is elsewhere, but theatres in London are known for being aahhhh pricey, especially when it comes to stuff you can buy in there (eat before you go, and bring water), but there’s lots of cool theatres in London and they sell awesome merch for the plays you go and see (my favourite hoodie is the one my mama bought me when she went to see Wicked with her sister). The Globe and the O2 are obviously big names amongst them (and are cool af; I’ve been to both), but my favourites are the Hammersmith Apollo and the Shaftesbury Theatre. Have some good memories of those places.

(Special mention to the Shaftesbury for having a pop culture shop around the corner from it that has. fuckin anything comic book fans could ever need like holy shit. Has an entire floor dedicated to printed comic books and another dedicated to the merch. I could’ve spent hours in there if Mum and I didn’t have a musical to go and see)

And as much a reputation as the River Thames has (because, yes, the water isn’t great; people are trying to work on it), it really is nice to just sit and chill by it, and there’re plenty of places in London to do that. One of my favourite memories with my friends is when we sat on a small hill by the Thames after going to the Tate Modern (art museum), ate pizza and just talked for ages. Was a very calm time.

But, hey, if more ‘touristy’ things appeal to you, you can always listen to Big Ben once they finish up fixing everything in the tower (Big Ben, by the by, is the bell; Elizabeth Tower is the clock tower it’s in) or go on the London Eye or into the Shard. If you’re scared of heights, ahhhhh don’t go on the London Eye or into the Shard nrgnng

Weather-wise: obviously, we have a reputation for it being very. rainy in England, but honestly? It’s not that bad. If anything, it’s just cloudy more often than most, but it’s not like we frequently have the ‘dark storm clouds’ or anything like that. Still bright out. And maybe it’s because I’ve lived here all my life, but the weather is perfect for a guy who in a game of Would You Rather would say he prefers to be cold than hot because yeah England is rarely hot. It’s why those heatwaves took us the fuck out.

Our summers - not counting the most recent one - can be pretty bad by our own standards, but they’re manageable, and nice to people who look forward to em. Winters are pretty harsh when it comes to temperature; we used to get pretty deep snow when I was a kid, but nowadays we more often get just. slush and ice and sometimes hail. The wind can get pretty bad some years too - we’ve had it knock down trees and one time it destroyed the fence between us and our neighbours. But, again, it’s all manageable. Floods are really the only natural disaster we get, and even then, I’ve never experienced one; we don’t get earthquakes and we’ve had like two hurricanes in the last three decades or so (which lemme tell you, for someone with a fear of natural disasters, is fuckin great). 

The part of England where I live is, unfortunately, one of those that doesn’t really get stars. I’m lucky if I look up and see the smallest lil dots of stars at night, but I still enjoy the atmosphere that nighttime around here gives me. It’s cool and quiet. Most noise you'll hear is maybe the odd get-together in a neighbour's garden, and even that's the soft beat of whatever music they're playing and the distant chatter. Can sometimes hear owls hooting from the park nearby. There’s something very comforting about the glow from a bus at night, when it’s opening its doors to let people on.

But, uh, yeah! That’s what it’s like in my neck of the woods, at least c: We definitely have our problems over here (*SIDE EYES OUR GOVERNMENT REAL HARD*), but I’ve honestly never rly wanted to live elsewhere. Maybe it is just because I’ve been here since I was born, but it really is just kinda. perfect for me, y’know? c:

[ofherlionheart]

i read severance at the beginning of the panadería and i kept recommending it to everyone i know and then apologizing bc… yeah. i was kind of surprised by the end but i think ma is such a good writer and is good at weaving together all these different ideas. im just thinking about it now and wondering if u think it’s a hopeful book

shit anon this has been sitting in my ask box for i think, like, a month now, because i didn't know how to answer it. it's a really good question! i still don't have a final answer, but i do babble some thoughts below the cut (spoilers below the cut, too). and i'd love to hear your thoughts/answer! do you think it's hopeful?

i want it to be hopeful — since i've really be on a happy/hopeful-ending-only kick lately — but look …

from a realistic perspective: Candace is alone with an unborn baby and absolutely none of the societal infrastructure that someone born in her day and age has come to rely upon when tending to one's own health, much less when giving birth and caring for a child. the characters still don't know how people get fevered, and two of their group of 'survivors' got fevered anyway. shit looks abysmal for candace's chances of survival, let alone the baby's.

and from a more personal-opinion perspective, if you want to read candace's escape as finally obtaining freedom — she's no longer jailed, nor is she bound to bob's motley crew of survivors — that freedom feels empty, to me, because it's lonely. it's alone. it's individual. which makes her final freedom perhaps a fundamentally American approach to an ideal state of existence — freedom from being bound to others, freedom from routine, freedom to just do whatever you damn want — but I would rather be bound and tied to people (like, good people, of my choice, ideally) than untethered and alone. sure, it's "freedom," but it's a joyless and lonesome freedom, and imo that's not a hopeful end.

at the same time, if you take a step outside of the narrative and consider the novel itself, rather than looking at the narrative from its inside — yeah, i think it could be read as hopeful. if you want to read ma's novel as a damning diagnosis of wtf is wrong with our world, and how routine and memory and intimacy get so entangled and fcked by our society's current MO — well, diagnosis is the first step to making things better. ma's showing us, look at how easy it is to name and identify and see what's wrong. look at how fruitless candace's way of life is, in the end, and how empty and dreadful it is when we think of freedom as alone on an open road. if this ending isn't hopeful, shouldn't we reassess what we assume hope looks like?

so, uh, tl;dr: i think it's not a hopeful ending for candace. but it can be a hopeful ending for us, if we take something away from it.