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lightnersdream · 23 days ago

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i've been thinking about exactly why people portraying one of the other crew members successfully killing Jimmy as a "for what you did to Anya" kind of thing rubs me the wrong way a bit and it's because like..... this is just another form of taking agency away from Anya, in a way. it's kind of framing her as some meek, shivery woman-thing who's entirely at the mercy of the men around her, either to hurt her or save her.

(i understand these are mostly for wish fulfillment on the audience's behalf because everyone would like to see Jimmy pay for his crimes. whether or not this is the intention of the person writing it isn't really relevant, characterization happens with or without intent. i feel like it misses the point by portraying it as an 'ideal ending'.)

because... Anya is a capable person. she takes things into her own hands when she can. it was partially(?) her idea to get into the cargo,

(before he interrupts her.. remember when she interrupted Curly in the dead pixel segment?)

it was her idea to get the code scanner from the cockpit,

it was her idea to get the medication from behind the foam.

(the chance to do these things herself is not given to her.)

she'd been keeping Curly alive for months in a critical state somehow, her psych evaluations at the start are only so useless because Jimmy refuses to take it/her seriously and Curly is obviously biased when he puts it into his own hands. he's known him a long time, like he said. "I'll just put good for that one."

there's not a lot of material to work with because of how the game is framed, but it's there. we are working with two very biased perspectives and neither one lends Anya what she deserves

there's significant changes in how she speaks post- and pre- crash, and depending on who she happens to be talking to. i recommend re-reading her dialogue, because the difference is drastic

she acts the way she does around Jimmy because he has tangibly done horrible things to her, is actively hostile, and physically could not escape him by any means. she can't take away Curly's agency herself, in my eyes. you have to remember that Especially in the post-crash segments of the game, it's entirely from Jimmy's POV, and he obviously does not (and has never) thought very highly of her or treated her with a shred of respect

i've seen a general idea that she can't bear to hurt other people for any reason, but that doesn't really track to me. this is the real point of the post by the way

it seems based on the parts where she says she struggles to give Curly medication. "It just hurts him so much, I can't stand the noise." "It makes me nauseous."

it's not really the same thing as, say, hurting someone in self defense

this sounds like she did want the gun itself. this never felt worded like someone who would refuse to, at very least, threaten Jimmy with a gun, with violence. if she had been given the agency to make that decision on her own. she wasn't though

she still tries to reclaim some of it even as she's denied it

by the end she's still trying to keep that gun out of his hands

i think some people overly soften her, for similar reasons the game itself is trying to comment on. she's not a tender victim who couldn't cause pain to another out of the softness of her soul, she's a person who's had every last bit of agency ripped from her repeatedly until she couldn't take it anymore. that's the point. that's why framing her that way, "needing" someone to save her, is odd to me

she didn't need Curly to save her, she needed him to take responsibility

she didn't want to escalate things, but she's not an idiot. self defense was absolutely on her mind

but who knows im just saying shit *smiles serenely*

#dib noise #mouthwashing #sorryyyyyyyyy lol #i will defend you anya o7 #its been fun to roll this game around in my brain. gives me something to do #long post #could be reaching though. it's unfortunate so much of her screentime is hammering home how poorly jimmy regards her #or her being scared/nervous in his presence #or trying to placate him #yes i know that's the point #are my feelings on how anya is treated by the the characters the fans and the game itself weirdly personal? yeah sorry #unfortunately i do think they didn't get the anya parts as solidly as the rest but oh well #everything has flaws #i've gone through a playthrough of this game like 10 times for this #you KNOW im sourcing my claims!!#not really an attack on the people who made the stuff i mentioned at the start #more of a commentary on how they relate with the source material itself #yes yes i know giving a crewmate a lethal weapon is probably not the best idea to curly #does that make this situation any less horrifying?#remember: these aren't real people. everything they do was written on purpose for a reason #i still need to write down my general thoughts on the game as a whole..#also not about one specific person post image writing ect it's a collection of things and ideas thrown onto one post #I'm not any good at ending posts like thase it kind of devolves by yhe end but thats ok

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froschli96 · 4 months ago

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You know what, fuck it, I have to speak my truth! (this is gonna be a rant, so anyone who actually likes assassin's creed revelations and/or the secret crusade, be warned or maybe don't read this at all)

remember how altaïr talks to king richard at the end of ac1, and richard is like "[humans] come into the world kicking and screaming, violent and unstable. it is what we are. we cannot help ourselves."? and how altaïr answers "no. we are what we choose to be." and how that ACTUALLY has meaning bc he himself was "violent and unstable" at the beginning of the game but he has learned and is now CHOOSING to be a better person who cares about others and humanity at large? remember how his calmness and gentleness was something that he ACQUIRED over the course of the story?

and remember how in revelations they then suddenly had a PRE-AC1 altaïr say about the first of his targets "no man should pass from this world without knowing some kindness." and be all wise and calm and collected during a nice little chat with al mualim, who suddenly acts all fatherly? (like, this is suddenly supposed to be a positive relationship? what??)

also, during the confession the target says to altair: "you put too much faith in the hearts of men, altaïr. [...] humans are weak, base, and petty." and altaïr answers: "no. our creed is evidence to the contrary." KJASJFJDKL???? like, it’s almost insulting how close this exchange is to the one with richard. you know, the one that was actually earned after a whole game of character development. like WTF??? cool congrats now that development means nothing. like, apparently that was just altaïr reverting BACK to being the exemplary assassin who understands and believes in the creed that he was apparently just born as. (i also hate how having a young inexperienced altaïr saying this implies that altaïr's faith in humanity is a sign of naivete instead of a sign of the wisdom he has gained after being confronted with counter arguments for a whole game, and also something that distinguishes the assassins from the templars who use humanity's supposed wickedness to justify controlling them like in AC1, but whatever)

altaïr’s development in AC1 mattered BECAUSE he is not NATURALLY a good person, it actually said something about humanity's capacity for both bad AND good and how humans don't have to be forced to be good through mind control bc they can by their own free will choose to be better when taught how and when allowed the freedom to grow. but no. apparently altaïr has just always been calm, wise and gentle. and he just sort of forgot about that during AC1 bc…. ? bc of adha?? bc of abbas???

oh don’t get me started on the whole abbas thing. (it doesnt even make sense that abbas is so hung up about his father and "his family’s honor", like what about the whole point of al mualim not allowing parents to be close to their children bc it would make them weak? like, my dude, you’re not supposed to HAVE any family aside from the brotherhood)

they used the throwaway character that had like 5 lines and made him into altaïr’s main antagonist in revelations… like, abbas wasn’t supposed to be this ONE dude who had personal beef with altaïr, he was just supposed to show how while altaïr’s revered by many, a lot of his brothers also hate him, bc 1) altaïr is a shitty person at this point and 2) bc there’s no real feeling of community and family in this version of the brotherhood, but just a pervasive sense of competition and jealousy — these assassins don’t care about their goal of safeguarding humanity bc they’re too hung up on petty squabbles and divided by rivalries (you know, the things that made malik hate altaïr even before solomon’s temple and that he overcomes in the end which enables him to forgive and to reconcile with altaïr so they can work together and stop al mualim? (you ever just think about "we are one. as we share the glory of our victories, so too should we share the pain of our defeat. in this way we grow closer. we grow stronger." and cry? bc i do. all the time. malik, the man that you are))

and now abbas is altaïr’s childhood best friend turned lifelong enemy?? like, bowden bent over backwards to come up with an explanation for why altaïr is an arrogant ass at the beginning of AC1, when the explanation is right there: he was raised to kill without asking questions and was constantly praised for how good he is at murder, which resulted in him becoming arrogant and disregarding human life. like, it doesn’t have to be some shakespearean family feud type shit. and guess what, this "simple" explanation actually plays into the story’s themes, who’da thunk!

(like, abbas might not have been a "fleshed out" character in AC1, but he had a specific function and now that function is gone. mr bowden, mr mcdevitt, you know characters are allowed to simply exist to tell us something about their worlds and the systems they live in and sometimes that’s more important and also more interesting than having every single character have a detailed backstory to explain all their behaviors, right?)

with all of this revelations loses all nuance in regards to the levantine brotherhood and also the creed in general. like, altaïr being a master assassin at the beginning despite being a terrible person and not actually understanding the creed is a criticism of the brotherhood and the creed itself. like, it said something about the order that someone like altaïr was able to get that high in rank, simply bc he's good at killing, which also tells us what is considered important in the al mualim era assassin order. when you make altaïr’s arrogance the result of his personal conflicts instead of how we was raised by a brotherhood that only valued one's ability to kill, you lose that characterization of the assassin order itself!

and by suddenly making al mualim a semi good "father figure" you also downplay his manipulation of not only altaïr but all those under his care. (altaïr says something about al mualim being "as a father" to him exactly twice in the codex, but he doesn’t mean by that that he WAS a father to him, what he means is that he was the CLOSEST THING he had bc HE DID NOT HAVE PARENTS, not because his mother died in childbirth and his father was executed when he was young btw, BUT BECAUSE IT WASN’T ALLOWED, like his parents actually lived but weren’t allowed to be close to him, he says he came to view al mualim’s "weak and dishonest" love as enough and even better BECAUSE HE HAD NOTHING ELSE, BECAUSE AL MUALIM ISOLATED HIS ASSASSINS FROM THEIR FAMILIES. al mualim "loved" him bc he was good at killing people for him! hm, i wonder if this could be trying to say anything about cults and indoctrination and the inherent contradiction in fighting for peace and free will by taking children away from their parents and raising them to become killers?? like, altaïr wasn't ~the special orphan boy~ taken in by al mualim bc his father died a hero's death, it was "the way of the order" to have al mualim be the closest thing to a parental figure for everyone to ensure absolute loyalty! altaïr saying al mualim was like his father is not supposed to make you go "oh, he must have actually been a good guy for altaïr to consider him a father", it should make you go "oh that's kinda fucked up that he considers the dude who made him into a killing machine and who manipulated him a sort of father figure"!)

and then in revelations they suddenly portray that relationship as positive and healthy??? like, it would be one thing to give it some nuance by delving into the psychology behind al mualim’s "love" and maybe showing how al mualim did care about altair in a complicated, fraught sort of way (like, you know, there’s a lot of interesting things you could say about al mualim at several points addressing altaïr as "my child" in AC1 and how that parallels Garnier referring to the people he drugged and abused as his "children", and what that says about how the templars view the people who they say they want to save and in whose best interests they supposedly act (in any case, al mualim doesn’t use that phrase because he has any real parental feelings but rather to patronize and to invalidate any objections, like in a "mother knows best" way))

but they even fucking DARE to parallel that relationship with that of altaïr and darim in revelations, by having the reflection in the puddle of darim hugging altaïr showing altaïr hugging al mualim…. like their relationship wasn’t inherently abusive but just tragically cut short because al mualim was just "corrupted by the apple"… like WHAT???? so it’s not the very real problems like grooming, manipulation and indoctrination and the hierarchical structure of the brotherhood itself (all of which are antithetical to the assassin ideology), it was just the evil apple all along. great. that’s DEFINITELY a lot more interesting.

god im sorry i really dont want to spread negativity but this is driving me INSANE. like, somebody please tell me im not crazy bc i feel like somehow most of the fandom is in agreement that revelations and the secret crusade have better storytelling and characterization than ac1.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, can we talk about how, even IF we completely ignore AC1 and treat revelations altaïr as his own character…. the narrative still doesn’t really work?

basically, the whole point of his story in rev is that "he gave his whole life to the brotherhood", this obsession led to him not using his time with his family which has him ending up dying alone in a dark library and this in turn makes ezio reevaluate his life choices…. except. he doesn’t? neglect? his family? or whatever? like, his devotion to the assassins is sort of painted as this tragic flaw that leads to a lonely death bc it supposedly comes at the cost of his family, but… his wife has joined the assassins, (at least) one of his sons is in the brotherhood and even when he goes to protect the assassins against the mongols, he takes his family with him (except for the son who stays behind bc he has a family of his own and who, ironically, ends up dying bc of that)… like, you can’t describe altaïr as a good husband and father in the database and have his son tell him that "everything that is good in me began with you, father" when they say goodbye, and then want to make us believe that he put his family behind the brotherhood and that that is a character flaw that leads to his tragedy.

because you HAVE to have a character’s tragedy be the result of a character flaw. like. that is how tragedies work. otherwise it just becomes tragedy for the sake of tragedy which is… boring bc it has no purpose. and we know it is SUPPOSED to have purpose bc ezIO FUCKING QUITS BEING AN ASSASSIN AFTER WITNESSING IT!

it’s like they want to have their cake and eat it, too — they didn’t want to actually make altaïr a bad husband/father, but still wanted to make his life a tragedy where he loses his family which is why instead they outsource all responsibility to abbas who now has to be the reason for ALL the deaths.

like, they try to make at least maria’s death kind of sort of the result of altaïr’s rashness or whatever but like… these guys KILLED THEIR SON and TOLD HIM THAT ALTAÏR HAD ORDERED HIS DEATH. like, altaïr losing it in response to that is not rash, it’s fucking logical and justified! if anything the scene made me angry at maria for trying to stop him. like, GIRL, he was YOUR son too??? but god forbid we give female characters actual real emotions, she has to fill the role of "voice of reason who dies for altaïr’s man pain" i fucking guess.

like, it’s this weird mix where his tragedy is simultaneously painted as his own fault but also not really bc abbas is the one responsible for all the shit that happens. it just… it just doesn’t really go together.

the only way to make his story make sense narratively and to give it actual purpose is by looking at it in the context of ezio’s story, bc the things he sees in altaïr’s memories are supposed to be a revelation (ha!) to ezio specifically. and i guess that’s maybe the crux of it all — altaïr’s story in revelations was conceived of first and foremost to support ezio’s story and development. which is probably also why many people maybe don’t notice bc, having skipped ac1 and started with ac2, the majority of people mostly care only about ezio and only really appreciate altaïr’s story in as far as it serves to push ezio forward. (tho i’ve also seen a few people say that ezio is also written kind of weird in rev, but i’ve never really been an ezio girly myself so i can’t speak to the truth of that)

like, altaïr dying alone in the library doesn’t really have to make sense for his character, i guess, bc it’s only really supposed to be a cautionary tale for ezio.

so, i guess, for once, they actually had a MAN dying for another man’s character development, which is pretty woke actually. ubisoft, i take everything back jksdsfjhgdsahfhsdhfghfdsgjhsdgjh

#assassins creed #ac1 #altair ibn la'ahad #malik al-sayf #ezio auditore #asscreed #rant #long post #this is killing me #i even started rereading the secret crusade bc i thought maybe i remember it being worse than it is #but honestly its the opposite #even just the fact that in the secret crusade altair always says some last sentence after his targets' confessions #has me so irrationally angry aksjdfh #like over sibrands body he says something like 'may death be merciful' or something #like? did they want that to be like requiescat in pace or something???#like aside from the fact that altair WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THESE THINGS #it also just destroys the tension built up by the target's last words #like... i do think it was very much on purpose that the target always had the last word in the confessions #sigh whatever its just a stupid video game from over 15 years ago who cares #(me. i care. unfortunately. i wish i didn't. send help please.)#also the fact that bowden just completely fucked up arabic naming conventions with the whole “umar/darim ibn la'ahad” thing #(which is kind of an achievement considering that wasn't too great in ac1 to begin with)#tho bc of that they kind of inadvertantly ended up implying that roshan is altairs ancestor which i actually kind of like lol #anyways sorry for this giant wall of text #this is probably (definitely) the longest post i've ever made lmsadjf #but i do think i've gotten most of it off my chest.... maybe #maybe ill add stuff if i come across something else that makes me angry lol #sorry i know i promised an essay and instead delivered a rant #i just dont think i have the capacity to actually structure my thoughts any better kajdsf

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dyed-indigo · 4 days ago

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How many wives did Luo Bingge have?

I see quite a lot of debate over this within the fandom, and this excerpt has been passed around quite a bit:

But I felt like I remembered Bingge being mentioned as having more wives within the text, so I decided to skim the books (CTRL + F on the Internet Archive PDFs worked wonders) to find as many references to Bingge's wife count as I could.

I was right that he was mentioned as having more wives (hundreds to be exact), on the back of the very first book in the series even. However, the backs of books are the domain of the publisher rather than the author, so this isn't really trustworthy info to go off of for canon purposes. Still, it made me curious to see if more wives were mentioned somewhere else within the series.

He is mentioned as theoretically marrying at least 100 women at once here, however this was purely speculation on what would have happened in Proud Immortal Demon Way if Luo Binghe truly aspired for marriage. He did marry many women in PIDW, however it's never made clear whether these marriages were out of love or were political (and for horny reasons, the stallion protagonist can never escape his libido).

613 is also mentioned as a number of wives, and seems oddly specific unless there's some Chinese number symbolism I'm missing here, however this is just an example of something that Madame Meiyin could predict with her fortune telling abilities. Her fortunes are mentioned to typically be about romance, so this could be Shen Qingqiu remembering an actual prediction she made in canon, however even if that were the case (which there doesn't seem to be evidence to support) it could simply be that Luo Binghe never got those wives within the novel, and was just implied to get them afterwards (cue Peerless Cucumber rant about Airplane's lazy writing).

There's mentioned to be dozens of women "barely glimpsed" within the harem, presumably in addition to wives like Ning Yingying and Liu Mingyan who were more significant, but that still doesn't give us an exact count. If the initial harem count is accurate, it does imply that most of the women within it were just written to fluff the numbers a bit.

Bingge is mentioned to have "never refused" any requests to join his harem. RIP Bingge's understanding of boundaries, but, again, we have no clue how many women even asked to join. Demon Emperors are powerful, but also scary, and Shen Qingqiu is... perhaps an unreliable narrator when it comes to any version of Luo Binghe's appeal factor.

Bingge is mentioned multiple times to have had sex with hundreds of women, however, not all of the bedded were wedded. Madame Meiyin, for example, is mentioned as someone that Bingge slept with but never married, and there's no evidence that i could find that she was the sole exception in a sea of wives.

In conclusion, while manwhore Bingge is real, his count of actual wives is more than likely less than 100, as originally specified. (Though I wouldn't blame you if you thought otherwise, the emphasis on the harem size being "innumerable" and "uncountable" in the narration is quite a lot, and historically many Chinese emperors had a larger harem than Bingge.)

At least, he had less than 100 wives in the novel. In the donghua, on the other hand...

Well. That's a fairly definite amount.

#if/when i fully reread the novels i may start taking notes on this kind of thing tbh.#like how long shen yuan had been reading PIDW for pre-transmigration #(i think he's mentioned as both being a veteran reader and as having binge-read it. pick a struggle cucumber-bro)#no clue where the whole deal of sqq and sqh referring to the wives by number in fanfiction came from #i couldn't find any reference to it within the books. though perhaps i just wasn't looking hard enough #sorry if this post seems like clickbait lol but i just felt like going on a little journey here #i haven't even watched the donghua properly yet (putting on the first 3 episodes at 2x speed muted as a bit during movie night doesnt count #svsss #luo bingge #scum villain's self saving system #long post #<- i mean it's under a read more but just in case

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thebirdandhersong · 1 month ago

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Lol

#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting #with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy #and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because #your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED #OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered #being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal #anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this #can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws #worries #and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please #also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up #in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite #but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying #you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents #but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents #not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up #that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY #you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard #i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation #and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far

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wavesoutbeingtossed · 8 months ago

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The whole discourse about the privacy/secrecy/support thing has been sitting with me for a few days (I mean other than it always does to a certain degree) thanks to all the excellent discussion happening and I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said a million times before, but I think what we're seeing and what we're going to learn (e.g. from TTPD) is that it wasn't just the support issue, but how it was shown/handled.

We've all gone out of our way to show that introversion =/= lack of support. Someone can be shy, reserved, etc. and still show up for their partner, whether in public or at home. To chalk any of the differences up to the clash between introversion and extroversion is unfair to folks who count themselves among either tbh.

@thisisctrying said something the other day that hit the nail on the head about how if that support had been offered in private, there very well may not have been a Joever to begin with, or at least not at this point in time. (Sorry for loosely paraphrasing, and for namedropping you! Long time listener, first time poster.)

If this were a case where the "shy" partner said, "I am really uncomfortable with the spotlight personally and do not want to court it, but I will support you in your ambitions and offer you whatever you need to make them happen and make the glare bearable," I suspect that would have gone a long way to making Taylor feel seen and comfortable in pursuing her goals in the way that she now has. Again, that might have been more akin to the balance that seemed to have been struck around 2019 from what we can see, but even speaking in a general sense, there are lots of couples out there, celebrity or not, that have similar approaches where there are highly driven people and busy careers involved.

(A famous example being Dolly Parton's marriage. Tbh I know next to nothing about her and Carl, but she's always heralded as an example in this regard, because her husband is famously uncomfortable with the spotlight and hasn't accompanied her to public events in decades, but she's said that she never minded that because that was always work to her, and what was important was that he supported her in pursuing all her career goals and basically ensured she had a place to call home to return to at the end of the day.)

We're kind of in a brave new world with her current relationship because it felt like, at least at the start, we were maybe watching her figure out her boundaries in real time as to what she was comfortable with or not and adjust accordingly. Like so many have said, I fully believe the extreme privacy thing was initially driven by herself and her experiences in 2016, and she needed that quiet time to recover from all of the things and figure out how to exist in the world again.

Stating the obvious, it seemed like eventually privacy was equated with secrecy, turning the relationship and the celebrity into the elephant in the room and something to never be spoken of to the outside world. People are free to choose whatever works best for themselves and their relationships, and for some the separate public lives might work, but the “kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath” theme is all over her work and it’s clear that it’s a sore spot for her, because she’s been made to feel shame just for the life she leads so many times in the past.

What I’m trying to say is that it’s pretty obvious something Not Great was happening behind the scenes, which didn’t just amount to “she wanted to be a public celebrity and he wanted to be a private hermit.” (Also, in case anyone forgot, this is a person who also chose a public-facing career who also has to engage in press for it, but I digress.) As her career reached new heights post-folklore, if she had the support at home to do all the things without judgment and with encouragement, and in turn offer the same support to her partner, she may have very well lived just fine with that, not unlike Dolly Parton’s case.

By reading between the lines in all the press since, as well as comments on tour and general ~vibes~ with TTPD teasers, it seems like one of the issues was that that was likely not the case. There was all the stuff that we saw — the reticence to acknowledge each other in the media (particularly on one side), the lack of public support even at events at which they were both in attendance for their respective jobs, the great lengths they went to not to be photographed together at events they attended yet no problem taking pictures with other friends and coworkers, the jobs that separated them, the withdrawing from the public even for work accomplishments, etc. Which could all be manageable if a couple chooses to do so together and are not inherently a sign of trouble in themselves.

But what we’re seeing now I think is a reflection of the things we weren’t seeing then, and it seems to indicate some very deep hurt. (I know, call me Captain Obvious.) And like so many have been saying, it feels likely that that part of that hurt is rooted in that very lack of private support where a person would expect it from their partner. Obviously as a Taylor fan blog I’m going to be more inclined to understand her side of a story, but tbh, it’s also because… this is sooooooo common, and something I’ve experienced in my friend group. (@taylortruther is right when she says most breakups are the same one way or another lol.)

One partner is resentful of the other’s success, or resentful that the other’s priorities begin to evolve as new experiences unlock new goals, or feels the other’s ambitions are not worthy of pursuit, and coupled with perhaps their own struggles in the same domain, it’s easy to see where that can chip away at the other partner’s morale and faith in the relationship. I know I’m just speculating here, but I also don’t think it’s totally unfounded. (Again, because a) I’m picking up what she’s putting down and b) it happens to sooooooo many women even among us dull normals.)

With all the pointed mentions about how much Taylor feels supported in her current relationship and how she in turn loves to offer the same show of support to not only her partner but other loved ones, how she’s stepped out more in the last year to a whole host of events, how she’s mentioned feeling like she locked herself away for years and she’s just proud of her partner and happy she can show up for him even if the chaos around it is unsettling, it paints a picture of what perhaps was happening before last year.

To feel like you’re all alone in carrying the weight of the relationship (or burden of it), of twisting yourself into knots to accommodate the other person’s boundaries (or insecurities) but not feeling reciprocity for your own has to be so painful. (The idea that it may have been even darker and to have a partner not only be unreceptive to your own needs but even perhaps resentful/dismissive/belittling of them is even more painful to think of. I guess we’ll find out when TTPD comes out if that was the case, too.)

At a certain point, that lack of acknowledgement will force your hand to be able to reclaim yourself. And it feels like the further removed Taylor in particular is from it, the more she moves from being sad about the life she felt she gave up by leaving, to angry at the life she felt she was giving up by staying. Especially being in a relationship now where it seems like everything comes much easier, where she can be open about the person she’s with and show up for them, all the stuff that seemed as challenging as climbing Mount Everest in her past is nothing more than a molehill at best in her current life.

TL;DR: I don’t think it’s privacy that inherently spells doom for a celebrity relationship like this; it’s the mutual support and respect that does. If Taylor had felt that in the later years of her previous relationship, I think we could be seeing a different, though not necessarily unfulfilled, person right now in 2024, who’d be happy on tour but whose personal life would look a little different. But it seems like by losing that support she lost parts of herself, and we’ve seen her reclaim that in spades in the last year, and perhaps to degrees she didn’t even realize she could from before all the Bad Stuff started happening in her young adulthood.

I know this was extremely long-winded and unnecessary, especially about total strangers we only know through scraps fed through the media, but I just always bristle at this idea that issues like these boil down to “personality differences,” as though one person wants to live in a city and the other on a remote island, or some shit like that. The whole support (and gender tbh) issue is one that’s just very close to my heart because again, I have seen it play out with so many of my friends in long term relationships and marriages and I just think people in relationships (and women in particular in some circles) deserve better than to feel like they’re being, well, tolerated.

#thisisctrying and taylortruther sorry for tagging you two!#can remove if needed!#but you guys made me think a lot #this was inspired by a conversation i had with a friend the other day #where she relayed an argument she had with her partner #who basically felt slighted that he wasn’t getting acknowledgement for all the housework he does — which is. just. the dishes #and she was like ‘wow congrats you’ve done the dishes — i do every other fucking thing to keep this household afloat in ways you see #and don’t see and i never ask for praise because it’s just stuff that needs to get done because that’s how you support your family’#and it just reminded me that some partners (and a certain kind of man in particular) just… think their struggles take precedence #when their partners drown in them everyday but keep things afloat out of necessity and are never recognized or supported for it #(my friends have shitty husbands/boyfriends can you tell lol)#long post #again the way i just feel like i know the vibes of ttpd in my bones are 😵‍💫#i feel like i have a lot more thoughts but I’m trying to be more gracious and less parasocial so #also just want to again defend the introverts of the world by reiterating that being introverted does not mean unsupportive #being a shitty partner does though!#writing letters addressed to the fire #it’s also just like… i feel like if Taylor had had even a modicum of the support in private and even public she needed #she’d probably still be with you know who and wouldn’t have considered leaving let alone doing it #because it would have felt like enough and like it was what was needed for both of them #whereas we’re seeing a completely new side of her open up now because this is the first time she’s ever had that support from a partner #in her adult life at least #and it’s like it’s opening up things she didn’t know she needed or wanted

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youling-the-ghost · 26 days ago

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So after hearing about sfth's next D&D streams having some longform characters, I can't not create some character concepts for them.

Anyway, here's Peter Steven :D

(Also a note to @i-may-be-an-emu: I know I said in DMs that he wouldn't work well as a D&D character. I take that back, this was incredibly fun to make and druid!Peter is my new favourite headcanon now.)

Name: Peter Steven (obviously) Race: half elf Class: druid Background: prodigy Alignment: neutral good

Strength: 1 Dexterity: 2 Constitution: 1 Intelligence: 3 Wisdom: 2 Charisma: 0 (side note: this is after adding the +2 charisma from his half elf race, I originally intended for him to have a -2 charisma)

Proficiencies: survival, animal handling, nature, and medicine

Personality traits Daring and loyal, this adventurer is the ideal companion when adventuring. Between his proficiency as a healer and love for nature, Peter is a sweet and gentle soul despite his intimidating stature. While his towering height might suggest that he's more of a fighter, Peter is actually quick on his feet and prefers using hit-and-run tactics rather than fighting head-on. He contributes this, along with his strange affinity for milk, to his upbringing though the others rarely question it.

Backstory Peter was born to upper-class parents. While he wasn't quite at aristocractic status, the Steven family name was quite well-respected in the village. Peter himself was also quite well-liked by the village when he was younger, especially when he proved himself to be a studious and bright young boy. Although he had some strange hobbies and dreams, such as digging holes in his back garden and one day becoming a milkman, the Stevens showered their son with love and affection nonetheless.

However, as the days went on, Peter's height grew at an rapid—almost unnatural—rate, akin to the growth cycle of an elf. Rumours quickly spread throughout the village that Peter was an illegitimate child, and in the blink of an eye, the Steven family name was beginning to tarnish. Despite his lack of pointy ears, no villager would ever reject the opportunity for a good gossip, no matter how unrealistic it might be. After months of discreet finger points and accusatory whispers, Jemima cracked under the pressure. Peter was forced to use a wheelchair to hide his height, and he was forbidden from leaving the confines of his house. Despite her efforts, the rumours didn't cease. Soon, the Steven family name was in shambles and simply going out to the market earned the family judgemental stares and mean-spirited snickers.

Unsure of what else to do, Peter's parents sent him to boarding school to get him away from the scornful looks. Even at boarding school, the lies regarding the wheelchair persisted, and every day the guilt ate away at Peter's conscience. The boarding school was cruel and unjust, the torture chamber located in the building's basement should be enough evidence of that. Peter suffered it all in silence, believing that if he was a good little boy and behaved himself, his parents would want him back again. It was all make-belief, and some part of Peter's subconscious knew this, but every night he would whisper to a squirrel that perched on his window about the day when he would leave this tortous school and return to his life as the child of Jemima and Jim Steven.

One day after years of boarding school, a 19-year-old Peter received a letter addressed to him from his mother. He excitedly opened it, expecting an announcement that he was going home, and was met with the stark truth: the rumours were right, he was the illegitimate child between his mother and the elven milkman. In the letter, his mother explained that she and his father were divorcing, and that she planned on marrying the milkman. He was asked to join this new family as a Jeffrey, living a life that would certainly be less prestigious than before, but one that would be honest. Peter was going home.

But as he lay on his glorified rock of a bed, Peter came to the realisation that he didn't want to join this new family. It made him sick to his stomach to imagine taking family photos, with Mr Jeffrey's hand on his shoulder as if it was the most natural thing ever, all three of them smiling and acting like nothing was wrong. Then a daring thought emerged in his head: he wanted to escape.

On the day of his apparent departure, Peter sat on his wheelchair one last time and was escorted to the carriage. But just as he was about to go on, Peter jumped up and ran into the forest with nothing but his suitcase and the squirrel who hid in his scarf. That day was his 20th birthday. From that day onwards, Peter lived in the woods, foraging for food and conversing with the woodland creatures using his special druidic tongue.

#shoot from the hip #sfth dnd #JESUS CHRIST that backstory ended up being so long #I love the idea of him being a druid #it's just so sweet to imagine him conversing with animals and listening to the sound of swishing leaves in the garden #also I didn't use the d&d character sheet for this cause there's a bunch of redundant information that I need to fill out for that #so I just resorted to this sorry if the formatting is weird lol #if anyone viscerally disagrees with any of this please let me know I'm very open to criticism #(/j but also /gen kind of?)#I plan to make my sfth orphanage headcanon into a d&d adventure group #I'm probably gonna do johnny or alexa next just cause I have so many ideas for them

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lynzishell · 11 months ago

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By the time Winter came, each day was starting to bleed into the next. As they got closer to the holidays, Dawn was putting together multiple events and working late into the night.

Often, she’d crawl into bed long after Phoenix had fallen asleep.

Due to her late nights, she’d start her mornings later, and Phoenix would be up early, doing his best to get ready quietly so as not to wake her.

For him, work had become so busy that he rarely got a day off.

However, they both finally got a break over Winterfest. It felt like it had been months since getting to spend a day together.

And with no obligations aside from their annual dinner at Julian’s, they spent every possible minute in bed, knowing they'd be back to their busy schedules the next day.

Prev // Next

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sarahjacobs · 7 months ago

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you know what really gets to me. is how jack loosens up david’s morals. like how david starts off as a staunch pacifist because of the Optics and strategy of it all, but then later he kicks a cop in the face and threatens him with a swing + tries to punch jack when he scabs. and both instances occur specifically because he cares so deeply about jack. But also there's this tidbit from the 91 script

it's like. up until now, david's interactions with jack have largely consisted of david being openly skeptical/confrontational whenever he detects any kind of bullshit. and while he immediately clocks that all this stuff about santa fe is a lie, for the first time, he decides to let it go. Because there's a kernel of authenticity to the statement, though the authenticity doesn’t lie in factual truth, it’s in how jack desperately "wants it to be true". because. this is david's first time seeing the soft underbelly to jack. because david IS charmed by jack despite not really trusting him

#newsies #92sies #javid #id in alt #i say all this knowing that in the finished movie this scene doesnt really read as david knowing it’s a lie #However i also think it’s interesting how david’s perception of jack and lying shifts over time #like the shift from ‘the names kelly. jack kelly; you think im lying?’ ‘well you have a way of improving the truth’ -> ‘you didnt even tell #me your real name!’#and if we’re taking the script direction to be true. whats stated in the screengrab -> ‘you lied about your family being out west’#so clearly at some point david decided that he DOES trust jack and what he has to say #sorry this is kind of like a ‘yeah the sky is blue so what’ moment. but i think #crutchy confirming that jack escaped the refuge via roosevelt’s carriage really went a long way in building trust #and of course starting a strike together. lol #txt

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shima-draws · 5 months ago

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Been having a rough couple of days. Send me asks?

#Long story short: I’m quitting my job! Yippee!! 🎉#Don’t wanna get TOO into it but I’m so fucking tired of being treated like shit and getting blamed for things completely out of my control #I’m done. I’ve BEEN done for months at this point #And now it’s at the point where my boss doesn’t think I’m doing my job right bc she keeps finding issues that again. Aren’t my fault #I’m sorry I can’t control everything for you! I don’t have that kind of power! I can’t make things magically happen the way you want!!#My other coworkers have been undergoing the same bullshit treatment so I know I’m not alone #But yeah I’m getting the hell out of dodge. My mental health has been sooooooo bad lately #I cannae. I’m going to end up dead in a ditch at this rate #Had the WORST panic attack of my life yesterday and my mom and I were both like. Yeah. It’s time for you to leave #Have fun running the department without me! Bye!! :)))))#Shima speaks #Vent #Anyway I’m a goddamn mess. Sorry. Lol!#I’m dreading going back to work on Monday I would literally rather claw my own eyeballs out #It SUCKS bc I know none of this is my fault but I still feel like shit anyway.#And I WANT to draw bc it’s the one thing that makes me happy but I just #Can’t. Right now. I’m not in a good emotional state #It feels like physical torture to sit down at my desk and put my pen to my tablet #Slams my head into the wall #I’m soooo tired girlies. I’m so over it #Anyway. Send me asks. Keep me company while I try not to have another breakdown. Tee hee <3

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carcarrot · 2 months ago

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ok sitting down for a moment at disneyland. elaborating on the post-beat concert shenanigans in the tags

#for those of you invested in my silly misadventures #ok so .#there was the meet n greet earlier which as i said was short but very nice and i was squimshed against ade for the photo #AFTER THE SHOW . go around the concert venue to the area by the stage door #but unlike the beacon theatre we were a long ways away from the stage door it was the huge parking lot and we were fenced off #and based off of the spars concert from last year at the beacon where the guys just left after we waited for almost an hour #i didnt really expect the beat guys would come over or anything but i was willing to wait a while #and wait a while we did and then danny carey came out and eventually came over to us and was really sweet and signed stuff #he wasnt taking any photos but was very nice just like the epitome of fun drummer guy #waited a while more. doubting still that the other guys would come over #next was adrian! and being the absolute sweetie he is he did come over and everything abt him is true #hes just the most wondrous sweet guy ever. he was also radiating comforting dad energy bc that annoying prog fan was there again #and ade was kind of like nicely protective where i was w my friend #ade also liked my inner revolution shirt and remembered me from the meet n greet :)#waited a while more and then eventually steve vai came out and well im sorry what can i say . i was 😵‍💫#it didnt help that when he signed my poster (as the other guys had before him) that like. his hand was resting on my hand god anyway #im sorry. old men musicians are my number one weakness as anyone whos been following me knows #oh i had gotten a blurry photo w ade and then got a flash photo w steve. its horrifying <3 #we waited like an hour more for tony who was on a long ass phone call #but very nicely he came over too and somehow the photo w him turned out nicest. hes such a sweet polite guy #he also sounds like ron mael kinda lol #and thats my adventure!#and now ive spent an obscene amount to see em again. god

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froschli96 · 2 months ago

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you know, i always find it really funny when dudebros complain about syndicate and odyssey being too "jokey" or not "taking its characters seriously" or whatever…

like, did y'all collectively sleep through "it's-a me, mario!", "i meant besides vaginas", ezio inventing the latte, bartolomeo's... just... *gestures vaguely* entire character, etc?

like, it's fine to have preferences of course, i myself prefer a more serious and grounded tone, but these are usually the same people who tout the ezio trilogy as "peak assassin's creed", call ac1 a glorified tech demo and hate on connor for being "too serious and boring", like? make it make sense!

#asscreed #ac syndicate #ac odyssey #dont get me wrong #i do have problems with syndicate and even more so with odyssey #but it's not the tone lol #honestly i think kassandra is the protagonist that's the most similar to ezio if you really think about it #but bc she's a woman she's suddenly 'overpowered' and 'unrealistic'#yall don't remember the insane things that ezio survives in revelations do you #speaking of which #been replaying the ezio games lately #and i have something to confess...... i really don't think ac2 is good #ac brotherhood was a BIG improvement #in terms of story pacing for one (none of those insane unmotivated time jumps... well aside from the strange montage at the end)#and the characters are a lot more fleshed out (probably bc there aren't like 20 of them)#and the handling of female characters is MUCH less egregious #maybe bc there's only really claudia and caterina left LOL #lucrezia is a little annoying i guess... but she gets a pass bc she's cesare's sister and really they're the same kind of crazy lol #and hey we actually get to see how dangerous sex work can be and how it's not just a way for sexy nuns to give inner peace to men #even cristina gets fleshed out!#and i like that we get so see ezio being a little bit of a selfish prick in her missions #and making bad decisions in interpersonal relationships #at least i THINK that's what we're supposed to take away from it... but who knows maybe it's just supposed to be a tragic love story...#i hope not.... i hope the player IS supposed to think that ezio's treatment of her is bad. otherwise.... :/#sorry for rambling #guess im just kinda surprised by how much i enjoyed brotherhood #it had been a long time since i last played it #also the modern day is really good!#that you can talk so much to everyone and also being able to read their emails and the mundane banter... idk i just think its neat :)

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soranker · 1 month ago

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Hiiii not sure if anyone's asked this yet but any advice on how to improve on art & anatomy? I use to draw a lot wayyyy back in high school but then stopped because of life getting in the way but now I really wanted to get back into art but realized my art isn't as good as it use to be & I never really cared too much about studying anatomy so all my anatomy/proportions are really wack & I'd like to get better at it. Hope you're having a good day!!! 💞💞💞

HI!!! i dont have any formal training in anatomy nor have i really done any studies, so unfortunately i think i can only offer general advice, but hopefully you can still find it helpful! here's what i'd recommend based on my own experience...

focus on proportions BEFORE anatomy! nailing down the size/length of each body part in relation to each other will give you a good foundation before getting into the specifics of anatomy, since you can practice this with simple shapes (circles, boxes, tubes, etc.). then practice anatomy/build on top of that, rather than trying to figure them out in parallel

practice from real life observation/references (ex. figure drawing)! even if you want to draw stylized, it'll be much more helpful in the long run if you study from real life. you'll be a lot more informed in how body parts actually connect to each other or how they move. observe observe observe! take pics of yourself/watch how your body moves--you can be your own most accessible resource, and a mirror and camera can be your best friends

find a way to keep yourself motivated to practice anatomy! everyone says that you only get better with practice and time... and it's true! but i can understand that sometimes it's hard to motivate yourself. if you ask me, draw your favorite characters :) it's literally all i do HAHA. my mentality is that... if i'm drawing something that i like then the practice feels less of a chore lol

#sorry these are kind of vague T_T i dont have a ton of technical knowledge...#i draw mostly based on intuition formed by years and years of observation lol #which is why i would put the most emphasis on the second bullet point btw!#i think its the main reason why ive gotten to this point in drawing while being self taught #but also bc ive been drawing for a very long time too #also sorry this took me a couple of days to answer T_T it takes me a while to come up with a response to these types of questions #bc im not great at articulating my thoughts HAHA <- not a words person #but i'm really flattered to get an ask like this T_T i wish i could give better/more specific answers T_T #i think its awesome that you want to get back into drawing tho T_T it's inspiring me to keep practicing as well #i actually saw this ask right after i got back from watching look back over the weekend LMAOOO #I WAS SO DEEPLY MOVED...!!! HAVING ALREADY BEEN SO RAW WITH EMOTION #IM ROOTING FOR YOU ANON..........!!! DONT GIVE UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KEEP DRAWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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diverbots · 1 year ago

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Oh fuck bro I completely forgot I drew this page.

#art #overwatch #ramattra #maximilien #rammax #Sorry I’m looking through my phone album.#There’s a second one but it’s unfinished and I hate the layout I did for it.#Premise is that Max refuses anything past a business client relationship with Ramattra cause of how committed he is to working -#- despite how much he risked to avoid being reduced to his original function.#I didn’t want there to be any romantic implications in this and more so Ramattra reaching out to someone who hasn’t talked to another omnic-#- in a long time (in such a personal/casual way)#But it kind of was presented that way with how few pages there are and how quickly I scrapped it lol.#Especially since Max in the second page told Ramattra they’re only business partners.

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sotc · 2 months ago

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So two versions of Captured! quest can go down. You can choose to wait to be rescued or try to escape on your own but I like to imagine both scenarios were playing out at the same time for Milana just to add to the entire hilarity that is that quest to me.

Arl Eamon, upon learning of the Warden's capture (alongside Alistair's), would react by sending in two highly skilled and capable assassins to infiltrate Fort Drakon and retrieve them. Cue Leliana and Zevran. They've done this so many times before! This is their expertise! The way the scene plays out they bounce off each other well. She handles the captain with her bluffs, he keeps a knife handy just in case, they divert the guard's attention at her post so they can sneak in. It's going swimmingly!

Pan back to Milana and Alistair in their cell. Milana pacing back and forth. Both of them refusing to address they're embarrassingly down to their loincloths and totally don't have attractions towards each other. Alistair asking the Warden what she thinks they should do, does she think the others are coming for them? "Of course but we can't just sit around and wait either. Just be ready."

Cue Milana flirting with the guard to get his attention. BIG BROWN EYES ACTIVATED. Alistair in the background trying not to blush to the tips of his ears because 1) he was NOT prepared for that plan and 2) he'd never expect to hear such blatant flirting from the Warden even if it was a ruse. All it takes is for him to enter, a little more flirts to disarm him further, a step closer before she truly disarms him and kills him swiftly. "That's one way of capturing the guard's attention." Milana shrugs. "I saw the way he was looking at me." A chuckle rings out before a familiar voice follows. "Ah, my dear Warden, did you miss me?" I have to imagine they arrived just in time and overheard the tail-end of that whole exchange. Zevran overhearing his Warden flirting up a guard to escape? I know he finds that so fucking amusing and would tease her relentlessly for it considering even he wouldn't have expected it. "The man was powerless against those lovely eyes, just as I was. Who could blame him." :3c

Anyways, from there on out I imagine they manage to find the armory to get their gear back and charge their way out from the fortress.

It's a super fun time to imagine. 😋 But I won't lie I had an underlying darker thought to this whole scenario. When was the last time Milana was left prisoner to a bunch of guards in such vulnerable clothing and state? On the surface she may have shrugged it off but I think there's unsaid satisfaction when she kills the guardsman who was more than eager to exploit her. Like dogs, Shianni.

#BLOWS KISS TO THE SKY. MILANA BABY GIRL I LOVE YOUUUU.#*milana #zevana #dragon age #aev rambles #sorry this was like a weird mixture of me talking about my headcanon. part draft to a fic. part actual writing lol idk #if you read this i love you thank you.#it's kind of a long headcanon post so 🤷#aev plays dragon age #girl idek how my own tag system works whatver #but the funny part is is that nobody seemed to plan for this possibility of being captured while infiltrating to save queen anora btw?#being captured was totally on a whim decision by milana so then lmao both sides have to wing it

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