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hollowed-theory-hall · 4 months ago

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Hi! I love your theories, and I spent too long reading everything I could find on your blog on Harry and V specifically, and bc I fell into a ship hole and can't seem to get out, here's a random question for you! Do you ship Tomarry or Harrymort in any way? Is it believable for you that it could happen? I mean, most of the time people tend to ship hermione with Tom Riddle, with the excuse that she's super smart, but I think Tom Riddle would despise her actually. Harry's not book smart, but he's very intuitive, he's clever and he's cunning, they could fit I think 🤔. Also they have shit lives, and they've been through similar things (not everything), and that'd enable them to understand each other and all. And Harry is annoyingly stubborn, so Tom/V would have a hard time manipulating him or forcing him by other means (like spells or potions), and he's observant and suspicious enough to notice random little clues and trusts his instincts so he wouldn't be blindly in love either? Sorry I'm rambling, I'd like to hear your thoughts about this if you have some? (If you don't ship it, no problem, I don't want to come across as if I'm trying to rant or complain or anything)

Have a good day!!

Thank you so much 🥰

As with all ship asks, ship whatever you ship and have fun, these are just my subjective opinions. Also, no, you don't come across as complaining.

So, real talk, I do enjoy tomarry/harrymort. This ship has some of the most well-written fics I came across in all my various fandoms and it has a special place in my heart. But my thoughts on this pairing are complicated.

To summarise I think this pair can be narrativly delicious. We got distorted parallel mirrors, both of them outright say how much they understand each other, how they know each other better than anyone else. They are narrative foils in many ways, having similar enough backgrounds but making different choices leading down different paths. It also helps these two are in my top 5 favorite characters in the series, so pairing them up is somewhat natural since it gets interesting results.

But, I don't think canon Harry and Tom/Voldemort would actually work as a couple realistically (or at least in a healthy way). Like, even without their history and specific circumstances in the story, ignoring everything and just thinking about how I see their personalities, I think they'd get on each other's nerves if they tried to date. They'd try to kill each other, completely independent of any prophecy.

Now to make a short story long:

(I'll be using the name "Tom" but it refers to Tom at any stage in his life)

First, yes, they do understand each other and have the potential for really seeing each other in a way that others rarely see them. I mean, Harry has Ron and Hermione, but they don't get it the way Tom would. They don't understand loneliness and abuse the way someone who lived through it would. I mean, these two clearly don't know what to do when Harry jokes about ducking his uncle's fists besides looking at him with concern. With Tom, Harry wouldn't have to worry about this. Tom would also not be concerned about Harry's darker more ruthless tendencies, allowing Harry to actually be Harry.

Tom, for his part, is a very lonely character who is looking for companionship and compassion, two things Harry can give. But Tom is unyielding in basically everything, he is incredibly prideful and independent. While he wants a connection, he doesn't really know how to trust and open up, to give a bit of himself that is necessary for relationships which is going to be a struggle for them.

Harry is one of the only characters (if not the only one) Tom sees as an equal or a potential equal. Tom really doesn't respect many people (regardless of blood or magical skill) but he does grow to respect and even fear Harry by book 7. This respect is important for any relationship, but especially when it comes to Tom Riddle, who just wouldn't really take anyone lesser than him seriously. And he thinks 99% of beings are lesser than him, so, that's a point in their favor.

Additionally when we think of the narrative, like, god, this can be juicy. We have two powerful and capable individuals who are basically bound together on every possible level. They are bound by magic, having brother wands that actively don't want to fight each other. They are bound by fate with a prophecy interwinding their lives together. After Tom's resurrection, they are bound by blood and they are bound by soul due to Harry being Tom's Horcrux. They literally share a soul, like, that's insane. They share dreams and memories and get each other in a way few could.

And they are very fixated on each other and can't really escape the other's influence. Tom is obsessed with killing Harry and no one but him is allowed to do it. He even goes as far as stipulating he wants to kill Harry while dueling him properly when Harry has his wand. This is something that shows, again, his respect for Harry. And Harry sees dealing with Voldemort as his responsibility. Tom Riddle is his to deal with and no one else's.

Like, it lends itself to a very dramatic very entertaining story naturally. A messy one for sure, but fun.

All that being said, when I actually think about how I see their respective personalities and what they would want/need from a relationship, I don't think they are very compatible below the surface.

Yes, Tom needs someone who he'll respect, but that partner needs to have some (a lot of) give. They need to be able to work around Tom's 10 million personality complexes without him feeling like he is being fixed. Tom needs to feel like he is getting his way, so his potential partner needs to either be very subtle or put a lot of effort into making Tom dateable (which I talked about more here). The thing is, Harry is just as stubborn and unrelenting as Tom more often than not. These two both have the same complex from a lack of control over their lives in childhood that results in very stubborn people who will fight tooth and nail to get their way and a general distrust of people. This is a recipe for them butting heads often, especially with their different worldviews and how they see people.

Like, both of them would never bow down to anyone. They don't know how to take a backseat. Sure, Harry says he doesn't want all the danger and attention, and he doesn't, but he would be able to sit and do nothing against what he feels is wrong, he is used to carrying an impossible burden on his shoulders. And he takes a leadership rule easily and naturally. Tom is used to getting his way, he is used to being able to either intimidate or charm what he wants out of everyone, something his partner should be immune to, but I think Harry would rile him up worse, instead of putting a stop to the behavior. Like, Tom would just try harder to break Harry before trying something else would cross his mind because Harry would make a sassy comment that would get Tom emotionally invested. He's going to get his pride and self-worth hinging on breaking Harry's resolve, and he is going to fail. Neither of them would ever be happy in the shadow of the other and it's going to be a constant push and pull with these too. Now, this sort of dynamic can be very compelling in fic, it's a fun story about a relationship that is truly insufferable to be around.

Neither of them is particularly emotionally intelligent or capable of emotional vulnerability. Like, Harry, who didn't know why Cho was crying after Cedric died, would need to be the person carrying the emotional tool in this relationship, and, like, I love Harry, but navigating emotionally volatile situations (specifically romantic ones) is not one of his many skills. Tom is even more useless in this department, he sure can recognize emotions in others, but he repeatedly underestimates emotional attachment, both in himself and others because his conceptions about friendship and love are all skewered. And with romance, he would be so much worse.

Add to all of that the fact both of them have one hell of a temper and it's more likely that they'd blow up at each other rather than talk shit out.

And then there is how I think they'll behave when they actually are in a relationship. As I talked about here, Tom is a sentimental and possessive person. When it comes to romance, I think Tom would want a person to be his, he'd be obsessed and controlling while simultaneously wanting to remain independent and do his own thing. He'd be a nightmare. And Harry, well, Harry would handle the independent, doing his own thing quite well, since I think Harry is the same. Even in a relationship, he'd need to keep his own independence and freedom, and that's where Tom's controlling nature is going to butt heads with Harry's distaste for any controlling figure.

I think Tom would struggle with Harry's lack of ambition too. Because Harry is clever, powerful, has the makings of greatness, and is an equal to Tom, but he isn't planning on doing anything with it. This would infuriate Tom, honestly. I think Tom would find many of Harry's passions (like Quidditch) frivolous and useless and would probably tell him that, which Harry would fight him on.

Harry's sassy nature, would also, get under Tom's skin if it's directed at him, Tom takes himself too seriously to make fun of himself and take a joke. However, he would appreciate these same comments when directed at others. Tom has a sense of humor, but he wouldn't make fun of himself, especially not a younger Tom Riddle when he's still in school.

There are aspects that would work, though, I think Harry would be willing to listen to Tom going on about whatever quite intently, and Tom would love that. Harry can pay a lot of attention to people he cares about, but he can also get distracted and just not hear anything being said to him (he tunes out some of Ron and Hermione's conversations regardless of his love for them. It can happen when you get used to being around someone) which Tom would hate. Although Harry would find Tom's monologing kinda annoying at a certain point, I think.

I think Tom would do good for Harry's self-esteem issues since Tom wouldn't accept Harry thinking of himself as average when he is equal to Tom. Harry would be pretty good for Tom's weird prideful self-hatred and could probably help push for an arc there. Both by showing Tom actual affection and by keeping his ridiculous ego in check.

I also think Harry would appreciate someone being protective over him and wanting him so much as someone who grew up feeling unwanted and like he never had anyone in his corner. And Tom, I believe, would be protective and possessive in a relationship (a little too much, but still).

Basically, both of them (but mostly Tom) need work before they can make a relationship between them work, and that's before looking at their history in the books which will always require some canon-divergence or AU to make this pairing work. Very possible, but it takes effort. Most of said effort goes into forcing them to talk properly, honestly, because Tom really wants Harry, his one failure, dead. Like, Harry would shockingly be the easier one to convince of this, I think. Like, he was willing to forgive Tom, he already sees him as a person and not a bogeyman. Plus, he thinks Tom is hot (the younger one at least). Tom (as Voldemort, during the series), as I said, sees Harry not as Harry but as a representation of his own failings, and until he gets that out of his head, I can't really see this relationship working.

When it comes to the "Harry time travels to the 1940s and goes to Hogwarts with Tom" fics it's easier to get them together because Tom has fewer complexes, but it's still not easy (Sure, he doesn't have 10 million complexes, just 7 million instead). So even then Harry has his work cut out for him and this relationship would be a trainwreck that might take collateral damage in the form of everyone around them being miserable with their bullshit.

The key point in all scenarios I mentioned is that Harry needs to actively pursue Tom because otherwise, it won't happen. Because Tom isn't going to pursue it on his own unless some AU reason pushes him to do so. I can see him getting obsessed with Harry easily in various circumstances, but while he'd pursue his obsession, I don't think it would cross his mind to date Harry. Not on his own, I just don't see Tom coming up with it without something to help him get there. Maybe (again in a time travel scenario) a younger Tom could pursue a fake relationship in pursuit of his obsession, but Harry would fight against it because he'd see through him. I also find it hard to imagine Harry pursuing this relationship with Tom through all of Tom's bullshit. I don't think Harry has the patience for that (unless he has a specific reason to do so).

I don't think Harry would pursue this relationship to begin with either. As I mentioned, emotional intelligence and romance in particular are not Harry's strong suits. He could be in love and not notice it because he shrugged it up to something else and he has more pressing things to worry about. If he does notice, he might try to pursue it, but it again depends on the AU or specific situation. I think he could flirt if he set his mind to it, but whether that's effective with Tom depends on which point in Tom's life we're talking about...

I wrote here about the trope of Tom finding out Harry is his Horcrux and, honestly, what I wrote there applies to any potential romantic relationship between them too. Especially if this trope is relevant in the getting-together stage.

All of this is without talking about the elephant in the room of their specific age difference that I'm kinda ignoring. In the books it's a difference of 54 years, which is a lot, but hey wizards and in fic scenarios, Harry can be an adult or they can be the same age, or, well, in fic you can do whatever even when said whatever situation would be messed up irl. I mean, irl I would never advocate for anyone to sleep with their parents' murderer, but this is fanfiction we're talking about so it doesn't really matter. It does mean that this isn't the kind of pairing that I think could be canon or even canon-adjacent. And though I like it better than Drarry in many ways, it's way less likely to happen than Drarry in the canon books as they are.

So, yeah, I like Tomarrry/Harrymort. It's fun, it's juicy, it's dramatic, it has great fics for it out there, but can it realistically happen without some AU? Not really.

(Also, you mentioned Tom and Hermione so I'll add in a little aside that I think that pair will get along worse than Tom and Harry. I think they would misunderstand each other a lot. And Tom, contrary to popular belief isn't going to appreciate someone who's trying to prove he isn't the smartest person in the room. I also think Tom wouldn't like Hermione's attitude over basically anything. I think Hermione would disapprove of Tom's general disregard for others' lives and well-being as well, and she would take more offense at it than Harry. I think Hermione is more likely to get intimidated by Tom than Harry too. Like Hermione would startle at something Tom says whereas Harry would call out his bluff)

#harry potter #hp #voldemort #tom riddle #lord voldemrot #harry james potter #tomarry #harrymort #hp meta #harry potter meta #i guess #hollowedtheory #anonymous #asks #ship talk

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luckykiwiii101 · 11 months ago

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Okay this is outrageously easy. The way I overcomplicated everything is ummm embarrassing but we move…

So I just really thought and took in that I don't have to put anything on a pedestal and tire myself out I should just stick to that “idc” mindset I have. I was manifesting waking up in the void since I wanted to experience it (and probably manifest my dream life through it) and I was like it's literally nothing, not that deep. Before I would affirm and vaunt many times, visualise and I’d experience that feeling of fulfilment and knowing multiple times until it felt natural. Then yesterday I basically just left it all alone since I already did everything (even when I didn't have to) so it's basically inevitable for me to get what i want, there’s no point in doing anything more now (also methods made me feel like i was struggling to “get” and i didn’t like that). Anyway last night I woke up in the void (by literally falling asleep normally) and I didn't even freak out or anything I was just like "hm okay". I affirmed that I manifest things I want extremely fast and I wake up in the void every night, after I just chilled there for a bit.

I came across this post on how to make your desires feel natural to you i forgot who it was and I honestly can’t be asked finding it but it said to think of it this way. Let’s say many people want a certain feature you have like your eye colour or hair type/texture and they really want it, they even get hella excited or happy thinking about having it. But when you actually take the time to think about that feature you don't even give much of a reaction like you don't care as much that's cus you already have it, it's always been yours. I know I'm repeating what everyone has said and that's because that's literally all there is to say honestly. So being on tumblr scavenging for answers isn't doing anything really. everyone will just repeat the same thing but phrased differently to help people understand better and some people will get mad about them repeating themselves like….. yeah..? that's basically the answer to all your questions.

You think you’re “waiting” to “get” your desires but like it’s the other way round, your desires are waiting for you to wake up and accept that they’re already yours

So it's all just crickets and tumbleweed, if you're just sitting there questioning why you, apparently, don't have your desires. Imagine your desires are just awkwardly watching you ignoring the fact that you already have them and they’re right there in front of you. They’re probably just looking to the left and right, scratching their head. it's especially awkward when you're looking at the 3D for answers when it's literally useless and doesn't do shit, it only reflects old circumstances. That can only change when you turn to yourself or the 4D for answers, and of course any method will help but then again it all comes down to you to decide if it works. If you "want" your desires don’t dismiss what it is that "gets" you them...idk how to phrase it but just start applying and persist it's honestly too easy.

Anyway enough from me, I'm finally deleting this app right after this. This was long sorry if it doesn't make sense but this is how I understood it. To summarise you're all that's left to"getting" your desires. Think of it as having a breakdown over not being able to find your glasses or hair tie but turns out you're wearing it the entire time.

Thank you Wii and all the other bloggers who take the time out of their day to help others with all of this. Take care of yourselves!!

THIS IS AMAZING!!! I’m SO proud of you!! SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY APPLIED WHAT THEY KNEW AND NOW LOOK AT THEM!! you deserve this so much honestly i’m beyond happy for you!

Also i REALLY love the way you put yourself on the pedestal by saying that your desires are waiting for YOU and not the other way round.

#void state #void #law of assumption #loa blog #loa tumblr #loassumption #loablr #manifestation #loa #loa success #void success #void success stories #void success story #void state success story #the void state

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mrhaitch · 1 month ago

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Hello Mr. Haitch I hope you are having a great and healthy day. Sorry for bothering you on a sunday. How are you and your family doing? If you ask me I'm doing great apart from dealing with classes as a first-year uni student.

It's my first time asking a question to someone on the internet so I'm really nervous, I hope I will be able to explain myself properly.

So... I'm currently rewriting a story that I had wrote as a project in 10th grade. I decided to work on it after it got published by the ministry of education under a project named Young Writers. And I have been struggling with correcting and reshaping some parts so I wanted to ask for some help and some opinions on this from someone knowledgeable.

I don't know if anyone asked this before and if they did sorry for asking again. Can you please give me some ideas as to how I can continue, the basic ideas of my story and the main characters are pretty much shaped in my mind but I'm having a hard time putting those into the old story as it was written a long time ago.

Should I write those down and restart from the beginning or follow a different route? (This might sound like I'm giving the advices to myself but I seriously don't know what to do ಥ⁠_⁠ಥ)

I want to translate the work when it's a few chapters ahead as it would also help with my studies on translation but since I can't write crap it's gotten really messed up🥲

Can you please help this crumbling soul with your sacred knowledge?

(Sorry if the ask is too long but I wanted to explain my struggle thoroughly and English is not my first language so sometimes it's hard to explain myself with few words.)

(Here I go rambling again😓)

Thank you so much in advance (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

Yeah, we're doing well considering all the drama last night.

First of all, congratulations! That is a significant achievement and you should feel proud.

As for the meat of your question: I've had this problem before. Usually when I start a story I have the barest of outlines or direction in my head, but what I do have are a couple of characters, a vibe, and an opening sentence. By the time the first draft is over the story is wildly different and the tone is often wildly uneven. This was definitely the case with the first novel I wrote.

If the changes you want to make are significant there's a few things you can do. Listed below are a handful of things you can try:

1. Write it again

2. Break the story down into key scenes, summarise them on cards, and line them up in chronological order. Do the same for your new scenes and ideas, and physically play around with different orders and structures. Move scene five to scene three, add a couple of new scenes where scene five was and see if it tracks - that kind of thing.

3. Strip your story down to its key elements and beats: the scenes that are 100% integral, and copy them to a new document. Then do something similar to the previous method and play around with slotting things in and moving things around.

If a significant amount of time has passed since you first wrote the story, I'd start it again. In fact - I'd write it from scratch without looking at the old version, and see what parts of the original stuck and what fell away. You'll get an idea, then, of the story's core.

The key thing is that, whatever you decide, you see it through to the end. Even if it doesn't work you'll have learned a lot.

Best of luck.

#mr.haitch #mrhaitch #mr haitch #mrhaitch answers you too

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warriorstale001 · 2 years ago

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Xtra Small Update.

As most of you following me are probably aware, I have a fic on AO3 called Xtra Small or XS is it's shortened abbreviation. I started writing it when I was VERY new to the UTMV and to writing fics in general.

It's... been a while since I updated it... In fact, today marks two years since its last update... And that is a fact I'm not proud of ^^'...

(More info and explanation about why I've been taking so long to write the next chapter below, but to summarise the main point: I have not given up on XS and plan to have another chapter out soon)

Why haven't I updated it in so long? Well there's quite a few reasons really, but the main one that kept me struggling to continue writing for so long was the fact I just didn't feel proud of my writing in that fic anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still love XS and it will always be precious to me (especially kiddo Cross hehe :3), but I just couldn't help but compare myself to... Well everyone whose writing I came across, especially if they wrote babybone fics too. And when people commented on my earlier chapters in the fic I would cringe and wonder how they possibly got through them since I just kept thinking of all the 'better' fics out there.

So for a while I ignored XS and started writing other fics that I felt more proud of and that I think show how I've grown as an author, but I never planned on abandoning XS fully. Over these past 2 years I have gotten sooo many comments from people who have read the fic asking when an update is coming or just telling me that they really enjoyed the story and honestly, that's made me feel more confident in my writing. It really means a lot that despite all this time, people haven't given up that I'll continue the fic and I can't let them or myself down by just never getting around to update it. It made me slowly appreciate XS again for the fic it is. It's not perfect, but if it can bring enjoyment to a reader for even a little bit, then it makes me happy knowing 'Hey, I wrote that :3' hahs ^^

It almost took 2 years to write, but last week I finally finished writing the first draft of the next chapter of the story. It'll take time to edit, but I'm pleased to say that there will definitely be a chapter coming soon enough. Hopefully late April/beginning of May at the latest.

If you're still here two years on since I last updated, then I just want to say thanks for sticking around so long and I'm sorry for leaving you on a cliffhanger for so long. I love you guys and I really hope this next chapter will be worth it.

Thank for not giving up on me or XS!

And thanks to those who are here mainly for OSDiff for being patient too ^^!

Have a super day everyone <3!

#update #fanfic #writing #ao3 fanfic #Xtra Small #XS #Xtra Small Update #Still alive!#not gonna give up #Can't do that to the people who have been waiting all this time #have a wonderful day #You're all awesome

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papakhan · 1 year ago

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The Great Khans have melted my brain, they're such an interesting group and I love their aesthetic! I'm low-key collecting headcanons from the fandom and my own to fit my own lore of New Vegas and I'd like to ask your opinion. How would you best describe Regis and Chance's personalities? I wonder what particularly Chance was like before Bitter Springs. As wild as Jessup, or more calm and powerful like Melissa? Was he just as quiet? I'm so sad that we'll never know (in canon, at least)

oh my god this has been in my wips for sooo long I'm so sorry. I'll do my best

Regis and Chance are some of my favourite characters and tbh do fulfil the similar kind of niche! They're both big, imposing melee-focused characters who struggle somewhat with communication and are both feared by their allies but also a lot smarter and more caring than they first appear. TBH I ADORE this trope but Regis and Chance are very very different guys at their core

Regis is more fleshed out in my mind (headcanon wise) so I'll start with him. I have said this many times but I believe in the deepest depths of my soul that Regis is autistic and some of his traits coming from that is having a very flat tone of voice and finding it difficult to control his volume. He comes across as kind of stiff or off-putting without really meaning to, also his main job is the Khan's chief law enforcer and I think he puts a lot of effort into keeping his emotions in check as to not get the better of him when making choices.

Under all that he's actually a very chill guy, very difficult to rattle or rile up. He's the matching pair to Papa Khan who can and will get emotional and fly off the handles very quickly. And none of this is to say Regis is void of emotions or totally stoic, he obviously cares for Papa and the other advisors a lot by how sweetly he talks about all of them, and is pretty sensitive to all their needs, especially Papa Khan's emotional state. Plus he gets really snarky with couriers who dismiss his advice about talking to Papa, like you can practically hear him rolling his eyes at you. i love him. To summarise I would call Regis straight-laced and sensitive. and gay

Chance, on the other hand, is almost the opposite of Regis. I don't really think Regis is a quiet guy, I think he's just choosey about what he says and who he says it to. Chance is the way he is due to trauma, which makes him withdrawn and despondent. He communicates in small ways that a lot of people tend to miss if they don't know him so well. Chance is also a very emotionally driven guy, and I think he always has been, which again puts him at opposites with Regis. Regis wants to step back and think while Chance wants to charge in. However that doesn't mean Chance is totally reckless, he's very direct and thoughtful when he needs to be, like when he carves the map of the Mojave or whenever Benny talks to him. I think the way we see him in All Roads is an exception, especially as its in the tail-end of a downward spiral that results in his suicide. I think more often he's like how he is at the start of the comic. Where he kinda flipflops between being aimless and focused, distant and direct. that's the trauma for you tho, I guess

Pre-Bittersprings ive discussed before back here and Here! since this has gotten so long already :') thanks for the ask

#txt #regis #chance

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21iskindafunny · 1 year ago

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Can we know about your version of yugotalia? :D like personalities and stuff

OMG… a yugotalia ask… I’m flattered… here are the basic characteristics of my versions of the ExYUs

IDEMOOOO!!!!!!

(I’m sorry if any of the personalities don’t seem fleshed out enough, being honest I’m working on a lot of different stuff at once and haven’t ever properly characterised them LOL. To summarise they’re a mix of the canon crumbs of Hetadesigns that Hidekaz once gave, Tixs Ideas and [mostly] how I’ve seen each country/their citizens act.)

Serbia / RS

Obv an Asshole. He has the heart of a fighter(seen on his eye-scar which he gained from Ottoman-times), and takes loss of his precious land horribly (very greedy in that sense!). He’s hated by a lot of countries, but his main enemies in the current days are Croatia and Albania. He can be caring if he gets something worthy in return; nowadays he tries to be a little more western to get closer to that sweet sweet EU money. Huge Ego, and I mean HUGE. Shares the biggest Ego with his Enemies LOL

Croatia / HR

A more westernised asshole. He cares about how he looks, now that he’s in the EU and getting lots of tourism. He can be very charming if needed, but once he’s drunk (or high on coke) he releases his more.. careless side. Of course, he can also be ruthless on purpose, seen when interacting with Countries like Serbia and Bosnia. The "whore"-ist out of the cast.

Bosnia / BiH (I haven’t thought about making Herze honestly… this might change in the future)

Bosnia is quite the paranoid man, having arguably the most annoying neighbours in Europe. He faces a lot of struggles in life (you can guess why), which he often either drinks/smokes away. If he doesn’t turn to alcohol/cigarettes, he likes to draw triangles frantically. Of course, he’s also an asshole, but I think that’s a given for the ExYUs. He can be quite unstable at times.

Montenegro / MNE

Very lazy and tired most of the time. His sleep schedule is questionable, ranging from multiple hours to multiple weeks. When he’s not asleep, he does work on himself! He doesn’t have the success with Tourists like Croatia, which is why he doesn’t work as hard, but manages to do alright for the short hours he’s awake for.

Slovenia / SI

A greedy, but shy guy. He still holds a lot of the influence that Austria had over him long ago, wishful to be as amazing as any Central European country is in his eyes. A bit of a pushover, having been under the reign of others for long, though he is slowly working to get stronger in that sense. He’s the most western out of the ExYUs.

(North) Macedonia / MK

A happy girl, who loves nothing but dancing and drinking. Though when the illusion of optimism is broken, she can be just as much of an asshole as any other ExYU. Similarly to Bosnia, she has a ton of annoying neighbours who (when extremely drunk) claim to rule over her, which causes her to lash out. Despite all of that, she tries her best to once be in the EU (obv for monetary reasons!)

BONUS…… BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT LOLOLOL

Albania / AL

Cheerful but also a fighter! Serbias Number One Enemy right now. He can be kind, but isn’t afraid to judge anyone who gets in his way. He takes pride in what he has.

Kosova / KS

In a Rough Situation, being annoyed at the constant discourse of whom he belongs to. He’s a free spirit with a huge love for anything US-related.

Vojvodina / VD (i know she isn’t a country LOL)

A lazy princess with a slow way of taking things in life. She lives in Serbias house, with the thought of leaving it roaming her mind, yet never becoming true. She was once a good fighter.

#hetalia #yugotalia #21 talks #long ass post #ocs

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notathrowawayname · 1 year ago

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Books and zombies

I feel the need to rant about a sidequest, so here I am screaming into the void.

I recently played Dying Light 2, because I really enjoyed the first one and killing zombies with parkour is fun. In both games you can forgive the weak story because the game really isn't about the story, it's about the gameplay. That being said, both games have entertaining sidequests. In Dying Light you meet a guy that thinks the zombie virus was started from a meteorite, which you find and bring back to him, for which he gives you the "super weapon" called the "anti-gadoid gun". It's utterly useless, like it blasts air that doesn't seem to effect anyone in any way? But the quest dialogue is fun and you get XP for doing it (as well as an oh so valuable safe house. You need those to skip the night and in Dying Light, night is so scary most players skipped the night) Again in Dying Light 2, to their credit, the writers did put in effort into sidequests (main quest is so hard to be invested in, but to summarise, you're looking for a long lost sister and your one lead is the head of the facility you were both at as kids). There's a sidequest where you have to kill a mutant zombie because an artist wants to use the pigment it develops, and there's an awful singer who's scarf you find to get her to stop sinigng (she sings anyway, absolute queen). Where am I going with this preamble? Well I wanted to make sure you guys understood that I didn't have an issue with this game's writng because it did what it needed to most of the time, which is give you a good reason to kill zombies. And for that reason, I could accept that it didn't have to be well written or interesting, just a few wacky or melodramatic lines of dialogue. And then I played the Book Club sidequest. Some background (I'm sorry I know it's long, but I want you to feel the same seething frustration I do). In Dying Light 2, you play as Aiden. Aiden is a Pilgirm, a messenger who travels from settlement to settlement in this post apocalyptic world. You've come to the city of Villadore to follow a lead on your missing sister. The city is split into three factions: Survivors, Peacekeepers and Renegades. They are, in order: not fascists, fascists, also not fascists but you only find out they have a proper settlement at the very end of the game (you can't side with them, they exist so you have someone to kill no matter which of the other two factions you side with). You get different benefits for siding with either the Survivors of Peacekeepers, but I picked Survivors because: a) fuck the fash and, b) Survivors give you trampolines. Everyone is struggling to survive because apocalypse, but it certainly looks like the fascists have the best/most resources, like living in the beached warship and having armour. A bunch of the Survivors have superstitions about the old world, because that was what made everything go to shit. There's stuff like how one doctor hides their scientific preparation of remedies as voodoo, just so that people are more likely to take the medicine. So when you first arrive at the warship, home of the fash, it feels more like the old world. And on this warship, you can find a library. This library is inhabited by two people, cooky old man Albert and sexy librarian Thalia. You know what isn't in this library? Books, at least not as many as there should be. Albert and Thalia want to preserve the knowledge and wisdom of the old world by finding rare/important books. Thing is, the world went to shit a long time ago, so there aren't many books in good condition left. Even worse, those that are in good condition are in dangerous locations, too dangerous for Albert or Thalia, and the Peacekeepers won't lend them any soldiers to go and get them (fucking fash). But you, being the _super cool badass_ that you are, can go where they can't, and retrieve the books to keep human knowledge safe.

At first I thought "neat", and left it at that. The game has a few little details that suggest reading is on the decline, eg. there's a note you find written by a mother looking for a keyboard complete with all the keys to teach her kids the letters. So you go to dangerous place, kill zombies, get books, and bring them back.

Here's where it gets interesting.

The books aren't just items you pick up, each one is named. You find books by Kafka and Orwell, even poetry compliations. And every time you bring them back to the library, you talk to Thalia who expresses her opinion on them, and then asks "what do you think?" And like, the options for the responses are actually thought out? Also, Aiden has read them??? This guy that spends every waking moment rummaging through bins and killing zombies and doing sick parkour moves is better read than I or most of the people I know are? And the things he says reveal part of his character?? Like I played through the entire game and I swear to god no moment told me more about Aiden as a character than these conversations, even when the decision of which of the two responses he has are up to you.

You do this ten times, each with different books and different conversations, different reasons why the location is dangerous. One time you encounter Renegades who've heard "there's treasure in the safe", when really there's an early edition copy of Treasure Island in the safe. The whole sidequest colours this world with the idea that illiteracy is rampant and it's actively making this world a worse place, and that the librarians are doing what little they can to change that. It's so clear that the devs cared about this sidequest, because it's the only one with it's own special cutscene, and as far as I can tell Thalia is the only character in the game you can romance.

And would you like to know how this sidequest changes the main quest?

In a game of "never have I ever" Aiden drinks because he's had sex since coming to the city.

That's it

Like you literally bring the Communist Manifesto back to librarians living under a fascist regime and nothing happens. No censorship subplot, no change in behaviour, nothing. Back to business as usual, head out there and kill zombies.

It's one thing when you never expect anything from the writing. It's another thing to see everything they've done could build to something good, and doesn't. I feel like I've been narratively blue-balled.

Anyway I planned out a spite-fic because of it. I might write it out at some point

#dying light 2 #dying light fanfiction #aiden caldwell #spite fuels me #spite is a great motivator #missed opportunity

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dxmedstudent · 2 years ago

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Hi dx- I don't know when you will see this but I have my OSCE resit in 3 days. I am feeling deflated and burnt out, and believe my performance last week was affected by a lot of nerves. I panicked, stumbled and messed up. These are my finals and so I basically need to know everything and anything but now that I've failed, my imposter syndrome has really kicked in and I just know I'll be even more nervous. Do you have any tips directly for the OSCE itself... How do I remain calm when I'm there. What do I say to myself. It doesn't hellp that the patient's and examiners always seem so deadpan.

Hey, I'm so sorry that your first exam didn't go well. Nerves are real, they can be an absolute nightmare, and they don't define who you are, or how good you are. In an exam like this, it's very easy for us to stumble a bit and for our minds to go blank. This doesn't make you a bad clinician, and lots of people fail an exam or two! You have every right to be there, and you have EVERY right to pass the exam. You're not an imposter, you're just another student who doesn't love exams - and many people who have struggled and passed felt exactly the same as you. Probably most of the doctors you've shadowed or even admired have been in your shoes and felt the same. I know that I have! I don't know if it's happened yet, I check my messages reasonably often, but time is weird. On the chance that you see this before your exams, I'd say this:

Take your time. Take a moment to breathe before you do anything. Take a moment to read the brief, and then read it again. Before you speak, take a moment to gather your thoughts. If you are stuck in the middle of something, it's OK to simply say that you need a second, and then move on. It's fine to say "OK, let me just take a second to make sure I haven't missed anything". And then take that minute. Or to summarise what you've done/learned so far. You don't' get marked down for repeating something twice, you get marked down for forgetting it altogether. I hate that examiners seem so deadpan, too. But they ARE human, underneath that. They've all likely been there themselves! Just remember that they've had a long day, they are probably tired, and if they seem a bit bored, it really isn't you! There's nothing you could do to make the process thrilling for them - you just need to make it easy for them to tick things off their sheet.

Good luck! I hope that you give it your best shot, and I hope you can believe in yourself. I know medblr will be rooting for you!

#askdx

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galactic-pirates · 2 years ago

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🪄 and 🤲 for the fic writer's asks please!

what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

I’m not so good at any of this 😂 I’m much better at moving the goal posts. Like I’ll say “finish X” but then once I have there’s another story, another task etc. I never feel like I have done enough, or done it quickly enough, or done it well enough. And that’s just doing the task. Sharing the thing… so much anxiety.

Obviously I make what I make because I personally like it, so I’m the target audience. I can’t say I always enjoy the process because it is often a struggle, a crisis of confidence as I never feel good enough, but I want it to exist. I also hope that it brings somebody joy. For all that I don’t share my work for the attention I am only human and after I post I desperately want some kind of recognition. Screaming into the void is lonely. I worked hard. I want somebody to see that, I guess I just want someone to care. Which is needy probably and not very healthy because it depends on other people.

So to summarise I don’t really deal with this very well at all.

what do YOU get out of writing?

A poison nightmare?

Sorry that’s a little snarky and also more than a little negative. I can’t do so many things. I am a depressed, anxious mess. Writing is simultaneously my hope for a future, and so much pain and fear. I am terrified I can’t do it and I will never be good enough, I will never get to where I need to be. I have lots of ideas and I want to see them realised. I would like to share them with the world. But are they actually any good? Even if the ideas are, will my skill ever be at a level where I can do them justice?

I once said that if I couldn’t write, then I was less than nothing because writing was the only thing I had left. It was my one chance to make a future for myself. But honestly as time goes by the hope gets chipped away and I have no faith left.

Obviously this is written with original work in mind because all of this mess in my head ^^ is why I quit fanfic. I was using fanfic as a crutch. Telling myself that so long as I was doing something, that was better than nothing, but really I was avoiding. Hiding. Not to say that fanfic didn’t bring me joy because of course it did. But it took a hell of a lot of time and effort and as short on spoons as I am, I knew I wasn’t spending them wisely.

Writing is hope, it is dreams, it is life. So what do I get out of writing? Mostly fear, so so much fear, with a side order of self-hate. I want it too much and everytime I fail, it gets harder to conjure up the self-faith to persist and try again.

#I answer things #Sam talks writing #not the answer you wanted I am sure but I am always honest #tw negative #tw depressing stuff

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bernkastel-ao3 · 2 years ago

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How do you feel about ambiguous open-ended conclusions to stories?

Sorry about taking so long to reply.

It depends on the story would be the initial answer. To try and expand on that, it depends on how that affects what happened in the story and what a reader/viewer)player will be left with. To use the two works I saw someone else you asked this to use, Metal Gear Solid 2 and Danganronpa V3 end in a way where you can potentially look at everything that happened and go "Was that all unreal even in the setting?". But they also both try to give the person playing them a message that they hope will allow the reader to still feel like the experience had meaning, with MGS2 having Snake talking about the value of what people in experience, like through what could be called fiction in some way, and in passing that to others, while DRV3 talks about fiction having meaning and power, regardless of how fake or not it might be.

To add another game, Nier Automata ends in a way where it's outright stated that all the tragedy that occured through the game could end up repeating, regardless of your efforts for the final ending. But it's a work that clearly feels that struggling to carry on and to hope for something better in spite of no reason really to do so has meaning.

In contrast to those, there's one game I played last year that had a trick in regards to how the story is presented, which turns into the reality of that setting being dismantled at the end. But for me, it doesn't feel like I'm given anything from that, in terms of story impact or conveying something. I see the twist, what results from that, and go "That's neat, them pulling this off. It meant nothing to me, but I guess I can appreciate it". A way to show what I mean would be, imagine if a show had a superbly animated moment that was given a ton of attention and clearly meant to be super important, but had no meaning for anything that's going on.

That's what badly done ambiguity feels like for me. It's there, but I don't feel anything from it. Or I'll be thinking "There's was this build up and it's for something this flat or empty?"

I guess this can be summarised like this. For me, did I come out of the work feeling like I was really impacted by what the work was trying to convey, emotionally? If a work does that, I might love that ambiguous open ending and treasure it. If I come out of a work not feeling like that or just like I can appreciate the ambiguity or whatever intellectually, any enthusiasm will likely fade to me adopting stance of "That was all neat, but I feel nothing from thinking about it".

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vollmond-laboratory · 2 years ago

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The Enigmatic Tale of the Flowers and the Moon — Part 2

[Location: Street, Day]

Young Man: “Lord Faust. It’s been a while. You’ve come down from the mountain.”

He had the same black wings on his back as Faust.

Faust: “Oh, it’s you. What are you working as now, a cargo carrier?”

Young Man: “More or less, yes… By the way, who is…?”

The young man’s gaze turned toward me shyly. His narrowed red eyes seemed full of intrigue.

He didn’t appear alarmed so much as he did surprised, like he was seeing something strange for the first time.

Faust: “This is Lennox. He’s a friendly tengu who lives here in Ōun-gai.”

Faust: “I’m sure he’ll do a much better job of taking care of you than I could.”

The man named Lennox gave me a polite nod in greeting. I gave him a similar bob in return.

Standing beside Lennox like this made it clear just how tall he really was. I ended up having to crane my neck back just to look up at him.

Compared to Faust, Lennox is obviously much larger and stouter. Even tengus that seem similar at first glance have their own differences.

Still, I could tell that they had the same sort of quiet demeanour as each other.

Faust: “Anyway, this here is…”

Faust faltered as he tried to find a way to introduce me. Quickly giving up, he looked back at Lennox, exasperated.

Faust: “Frankly, I have no idea who they are. All I know is that they’re alone. According to them, they’ve lost their memory. And now they’re your problem.”

Faust: “Just for the record, I’m never coming back to this town or mountain ever again. I’m sorry for giving you so much trouble, but the rest is in your hands.”

Having said everything he wanted to say without letting anyone else get a word in edgeways, Faust turned to try and walk away from us both briskly.

Akira: “Eh?! Wait a second…!”

Luckily, Lennox’s long arm was able to reach out and grab Faust far faster than I could have caught up with him.

Lennox: “I don’t think it’s fair of you to ask this of me without giving me a proper explanation first.”

Faust: “…”

Trying to shake himself free was impossible – Lennox’s grip on Faust’s arm remained firm, standing immovably still and silent over him.

It seemed less like they were struggling to communicate with each other and more like they were having an entirely silent conversation through gestures alone.

I couldn’t help but get the feeling that they’d known each other a long time, especially considering how Lennox referred to him so respectfully as ‘Lord’ earlier.

Lennox: “…”

Faust: “…”

Eventually, Faust gave in.

Faust: “…I accidentally blew one of the castle dragons off the mountain earlier.”

After hearing Faust speak as if he’d committed some unspeakable crime, I watched as Lennox rolled his eyes lightly.

Akira: “U-Um! What happened was more like, Faust saved me while passing by, because the dragon was trying to attack me…”

Faust: “Regardless of the reason, there’s no denying that I’ve likely angered the dragons with my involvement. It’s very unlikely I’m going to get away with it scot-free.”

Faust: “If you carry on associating yourselves with me, you’ll probably get caught up in whatever revenge they decide to enact. This is likely the last time I’ll ever be able to talk with you like this. It’d be better for me to hide away on some distant mountain somewhere for a while.”

Having finally heard the full story, Lennox’s face suddenly clouded over with seriousness.

Lennox: “One of the castle dragons… It’s definitely not the best situation to be in…”

Akira: “Is it really that bad…?”

Lennox: “Ah, that’s right, you’ve lost your memory. Allow me to summarise things quickly for you.”

Going out of his way to help someone who knew nothing about this world, Lennox calmly explained some of the details about the town and its yōkai to me.

Lennox: “There are many different kinds of yōkai who live around Ōun-gai, and each of them all have their own individual temperaments. Some are mild-mannered and kind, while others can be fierce and occasionally rude.”

Lennox: “There are even some so terrifying that they’ll gladly cannibalise their fellow yōkai and use them to make themselves more powerful…”

Akira: “Cannibalise…?! Are there any yōkai like that near here…?”

Lennox: “Yes, there’s a family of yōkai like that called oni living in a nearby town. But there’s none here in Ōun-gai, so it’s highly unlikely you’ll ever run into them.”

Faust: “…”

Once, Lennox told me, he was almost eaten by an oni when he was much younger and weaker than he is now. They’re said to be quite a violent and dangerous species.

Lennox: “But above all else, it’s vital to always be mindful of the dragons while living here. They are among some of the most powerful yōkai alive.”

Lennox: “Do you see that castle?”

I followed Lennox’s gaze as he turned to look up at something in the distance.

A beautiful castle stood tall there, surrounded by more cherry blossoms than I could possibly count. It seemed to be located right in the centre of town.

Despite how imposing the gate inside the grounds looked, its white, powdered-like walls had a regal and elegant appearance.

The towering keep was especially magnificent, overlooking the town with its many turrets. The entire castle was so vast that even from far away, its immense power and authority here became impossible to ignore.

Lennox: “That castle is where the main body of the great cherry blossom tree resides. Since that tree is the very heart of the town itself, only a select few dragons are allowed to live inside.”

Akira: “Only a select few…?”

Lennox: “The dragons that live within the castle are especially long-lived, and they all have incredibly strong magic powers, which they use to protect the great cherry blossom and Ōun-gai itself from any outside invaders.”

Lennox: “Naturally, that means they have a great deal of influence here. Ōun-gai’s yōkai rely on the dragons, but they also fear their power.”

Lennox: “If you go against their word, you’re likely to be expelled from the town itself.”

Akira: “I see…”

Even among all the various kinds of yōkai that I’d already seen living here, the dragons seemed to hold a particularly high position of power. Maintaining the law within Ōun-gai by acting as its overseers.

Akira: (Which means…)

Faust, through the simple act of having saved my life earlier, had made himself into an enemy of some of the most powerful people in this town.

Akira: (That must be why he looked so uncomfortable helping me earlier…)

Having finally understood the severity of the situation, I felt myself break out into a cold sweat. Because of me, Faust was now caught up in the middle of a huge mess.

Akira: “Faust, I’m so sorry… I’ve caused you so much trouble…”

At my pale-faced apology Faust turned away, looking uncomfortable.

Faust: “It’s not like I did it for your sake. At the time I just happened to really dislike that one particular dragon.”

Lennox: “…I understand now what’s going on.”

Nodding his head gravely, Lennox then looked straight at Faust.

Lennox: “Despite that, I cannot accept the idea that this might be goodbye. I would miss you terribly if I never got to see you again.”

Lennox: “And besides, the fact that this person here was attacked by one of the dragons is also concerning. I can’t think of any reason as to why the dragons would hold a grudge, so there must be something we still don’t know…”

I was in a panic when that dragon suddenly attacked me earlier. Everything had happened so fast, and all I could remember now was the instinctive fear I’d felt in the moment.

Akira: “Did I do something wrong…?”

Faust: “Well, it’s not like there was any time to ask questions. I’m pretty sure I blew it right off the mountain.”

Lennox: “As expected of you, Lord Faust.”

Faust: “You don’t need to sound so impressed…”

Faust looked towards the castle with a little sigh.

Faust: “With no way to know what they’re thinking, we may want to consider taking Akira directly to them…”

Lennox: “Akira?”

Akira: “Oh, that’s my name. For some reason, that’s the only thing I can seem to remember right now…”

Lennox: “Ah, I see. Lord Akira. I will refer to you as such from now on.”

Every time I heard them say my name, it left me with a strangely familiar yet nostalgic feeling – like having someone tap me gently on the shoulder.

But why did I feel that way about people I’d only just met?

Where is this place I’ve abandoned myself in?

Faust: “We can consider going to the castle later, I suppose… I think what’s most important to figure out right now is who you are.”

Faust nodded slightly, having guessed what it was I’d been thinking about.

Faust: “And if that’s the case, we’d better go and pay him a visit.”

Akira: “Him?”

Just as I was going to ask who Faust was talking about, Lennox suddenly looked up with a start. Three shadows were flying above us in the sky.

Faust: “Dragons. It’d be bad if they spotted us.”

Hurriedly we ran into a nearby alleyway and hid ourselves in the shadows.

☾❀☽

[Location: Sky, Day]

White: “How did you fare? Are you able to find them?”

Figaro: “Not sure yet, I’m afraid.”

Oz: “White. Where has Snow gone in the midst of this emergency?”

White: “My poor Snow has been put out of commission by a wayward gust of wind, I’m afraid. He shan’t be joining us again for a while.”

White: “I shall be sure to keep you updated if there are any developments, however.”

Figaro: “Still, It’ll end up being troublesome for us if we take too long to deal with this.”

White: “Indeed, we must hurry and deal with our uninvited guest. The seeds of calamity must be swiftly nipped in the bud.”

Oz: “I will not allow them to roam free for much longer. As soon as they are found, I will take care of them.”

White: “Do be careful. You have something of a tendency to be impetuous, after all.”

Oz: “…”

White: “Come now. ‘Tis rude to refuse to answer me.”

White: “…Putting the matter aside for now, let us split into three groups and continue our search as such.”

White: “Oz. Figaro. I am counting on you both. Let us keep each other informed if anything new occurs.”

Figaro: “Got it.”

Oz: “Understood.”

The three shadows suddenly scattered in different directions.

—

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#the enigmatic tale of the flowers and the moon #mhyktl #mahoyaku tl #mhyk tl

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ciaossu-imagines · 5 months ago

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Finally responding to your messages. Sorry that they’re so late, just wasn’t able to gather the energy until now. Yes to you loving wikis because I do as well. Like it’s amazing that those people can always nicely summarise the chapters or episodes of the series since summaries are something I’ll always struggle with and they’re really handy when it comes down to needing a bit of info for my stories as well. And that makes sense. Thanks for saying that 😊 Yeah. Like it makes no sense and it will forever wonder why they decided to make that arc since yeah, like I said, the other ones are pretty decent. There is one mini-arc though, before The Key of The Starry Heavens arc, that I also didn’t rewatch because it’s for me just a bit too weird but yeah, the characters that appeared in that arc appear in the Starry Heavens one as well so if you also don’t want to watch those episodes, I definitely recommend reading those summaries so you’ve got all the context. But it is nice to hear that you’ve found some good fan fics that do succeed at doing it 😊 No problem 😄 Yeah. I have all these ideas of how many messages it might be and it’ll be nice to see which idea’s the closest 😅 I see. I don’t blame you. And that does sound so horrible and indeed out of character since all of their actions always just seem so real so it wouldn’t make sense. I’m currently at chapter 230 and nothing to do with what you said has happened so if it is true, it’ll probably also be quite late into the story with no good / long build up. But yeah, I’m seriously hoping that it isn’t because I don’t want that for Jyugo or any of the other characters involved (as in, for their characterisation).

I’m also going to answer your other admin chatter message here if that’s okay so they’re nicely together and I don’t have to send too separate ones. And of course it’s alright that it’s super-late since yeah, this message is really late and I never mind waiting. I see, that does suck. Though here’s to praising wiki editor yet again since every Haikyuu!! episodes has a manga-anime differences section that’s definitely useful. I really do hope that one of your websites / apps does get it because it’s really something that I’d love for you to read at some point. It’s still a bit more than a hundred chapters and slightly over 400 if you want to read from the beginning but yeah, I hope that one day you’ll get the chance the read it because the arc after nationals is so good when it comes down to Hinata, but also nationals is so great when it comes down to Bokuto. Also I’ll forever love what he said before the match because it’s so funny in the way that he just confused everyone around and was so proud with what he said 😭 Can I send those images to you? He’s just adorable. But yeah well, after the Battle at the Garbage Dump of course and yeah, there’s another match besides Fukurōdani’s one that’s also really important so I’ll forever hope that you can read it for yourself one day. And yeah, I think you’ve been writing them pretty in character since I could always imagine the characters you wrote about in those scenarios.

Please, don’t feel at all bad for taking your time to reply! I’m the queen of super-late replies, as you well know and I fully accept that not only do people have lives outside of tumblr, but people can just have low energy, both mentally and physically, and just not feel up to responding right away and that is perfectly okay 😊 I really do think it’s really amazing how dedicated fans put in so, so much work into creating these wikis, doing the formatting, finding and making sure the information is correct and everything else that goes into creating a wiki. Which makes it a real shame when bots go in and destroy what used to be good wikis (*cough* KHR *cough*). I suck at summaries myself, but only because I bloat when writing. I couldn’t keep a summary short and concise, I know myself well enough to admit that. Of course! And yeah, most of the filler arcs in shows make no sense to me. I know it’s commonly done as a way to avoid catching up completely to a manga or to extend seasons of what they want to be big-name, super popular series, but in most cases, the filler arcs are generic, badly done, and nonsensical. That’s great to know, so thank you for giving me the heads up. If I get around to watching the Fairy Tail anime all the way through after reading it, I’ll try the mini-arc and if I don’t like it, I will probably just read the summaries. Honestly, there’s so much really amazing fanfic out there. I don’t think it’s really talked about or appreciated as much as it should be – that we have thousands and thousands of these amazing stories that fans have created for us, of so many different types and styles and genres, and it’s so incredibly easy, as of current day, to find a fic that scratches whatever itch you have. I have so much appreciation for the big name fandom writers, for the small little fandom writers who create these little hidden gems, for really all fanfic writers. I am proud to say I am finally caught up and have replied to everyone, including you. Now it’s just getting down to the task of clearing the inbox and building that queue that I need to get done and, as of writing this, that’s what I’m working hard on, when I’m not at my job! I’m really glad to hear that, as of the point you are at, nothing like that has happened. It makes me much less scared when it comes to doing the reread. Currently reading Iruma and One Piece now, then moving on to Saiyuki after I finish these last 50 chapters of Iruma (I read fast, thankfully), but Nanbaka is the next one after that.

I have no trouble at all with you grouping the messages together! It makes complete sense to me, honestly. And thank you for saying that, though I assure you that your message was not what I would consider late at all! I am with you in that hope, though like I said, once I finish all the series I can get for free, I might have to bit the bullet and pay the like, $10 a month for a month or two and use Shonen Jump’s manga reader to read Haikyuu!! and Demon Slayer both. It just sucks because, again, it limits me to only 100 chapters a day and if I’m seriously sitting down to read, I can easily do that and more. Of course you can send me those images and geek out about the scene! I like it when anyone does that with shared fandoms 😊 Thank you so much for saying that! That really means a lot to me and makes me very happy! I always worry and just want to do all these amazing characters justice!

#admin chatter

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choccyhazelnutspread · 1 year ago

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I'm in the final year of my philosophy degree and I've struggled with this so i will try and help you out because comments like that one are super unhelpful and confusing, but unfortunately very common from philosophy professors:(

'to sum up' - i am summarising everything i have just said. this is sometimes useful if you've written something long but most acdemics are gonna disapprove of this. if your writing was clear and succinct enough, you wouldn't need a tldr at the end.

'to conclude' - i have finished my discussion and now i am going to make my final position clear. my conclusion states my final opinion on the matters that i have discussed and is supported by the arguments i have made. i am not just restating my propositions or my evidence, but i am using them to reach a decision. this conclusion should be a sound one.

from my interpretation of the comment you received, it sounds like you've signposted a conclusion without actually providing the content of one. conclusions are the hardest bit of philosophy, and professors are often not very good at explaining what they actually need to involve or how to do it.

sorry if u didn't actually want advice and that's why u had comments turned off lol xxx

"There wasn't a conclusion", baby girl I literally said "to sum up" on the last paragraph, what do you think that meant???

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anauro · 2 years ago

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hi roc!! i finally have the time and emotional capacity to type my very long "Thoughts" re: dass into your ask box :) i sent you the previous ask right after finishing my reread and i kid you not -- life immediately dipped right after. sooooo, here i am. a few days late :[[ -------------- 1) Regulus as a doctor. Okay, OKAY. I cannot tell you how much i appreciate the way you've written regulus as a doctor. Dass!Regulus -- through representation -- provides such an honest insight into some of the pits of most healthcare systems. I've never gotten to see the depth in his characterization as a doctor until MY sister started having trouble with hers. There is one flaw to regulus as a doctor that i think shines: The way he falls back on textbook knowledge when it comes to james. It's such a good and well thought out flaw. He likens, the hit of nicotine from a cig to that of what james usually takes -- or at least thinks they're somewhat comparable. And james finds this amusing. He refuses to acknowledge the doctor in charge of the clinic concerning James' dental visit. He falls back to what he knows as hard facts through what he's learned in med school, thinking it simply is the most logical approach, when simple, rigid, textbook knowledge often lack/s important insight. what happens? james ends up in pain much, much, faster than he should've had. when james was clearly struggling with withdrawal, the way regulus simply offered anti-sickness medicine and paracetamol to james just. felt. so. off. detached? and i know, in that particular scene, it may also have something to do with his and james' early relational distance. but, it does, very much tie into the fact that regulus, even with all his medical knowledge, has much to understand regarding james' needs and current condition. he thinks the science is "sciencing" but it's not. the thing is, regulus isn't stupid! gosh he's so far from that. and you've continuously established reg's prodigal skills. aside from him being a junior anaesthetist, dass!regulus simply mirrors today's reality. we see doctors as great scholars. surrounded by all that knowledge, sometimes it's hard for them to see how what they know, isn't always enough. they're not all-knowing. and for the science to science -- you need insight and empathy. otherwise, there can be observational gaps. for doctors, it's a tight line they have to walk between asserting their professional knowledge and, well, taking into account a patient's unique needs. when they lean far too much on the former it's the patient who suffers.

i think, the way you've taken the time to write regulus out this way is so... very cool of you. i wish i could've noticed much sooner. P.S. this ask was supposed to have more than one item but -- hehe i've made this one wayyyyyy too long!! sorry T^T i do believe that i have to send this one out first ~

Hiya!

Omg, thank you so much for popping back!! 🫶🏼 I do hope life picked up again now 🤞🏼

This answer turned out to be a bit long so I’m gonna put it under the cut and content warn it as addiction talk and inequalities in healthcare (also pls do not reblog)

So yeah, doctor Regulus and addict James really can be summarised as “science isn’t sciencing”. You’re right, Regulus is smart and not just smart enough to be a doctor, but one of the smartest in his hospital (I think it’s Marlene who mentions it that he’s the youngest to pass the exams and anaesthetics is known for having the hardest exams) and yet James puts him in his place really easily.

Regulus tries to break down James’ problems into biteable chunks and fails to realise that’s not how James experiences it. He doesn’t want anything for the nausea or the pain or the insomnia, and part of it is cause he genuinely doesn’t want to bother Regulus and doesn’t think he deserves help with these, but also that’s not what bothers James the most. He’s not gonna go and take drugs cause he’s vomiting, he’s gonna do it cause he can’t cope with the Harry situation, his parents, his crush on Regulus…. And Regulus’ sole reaction to it is “everybody has problems. Go to therapy.” Which is probably very reasonable and kind of what James needed to hear, but also does highlight Regulus’ lack of understanding of how people who struggle with addiction process things and deal with problems.

And James remarks on how Regulus already treats him better than doctors at the hospital did, whilst at the same time Regulus chastises himself for not being understanding enough. And as Regulus’ feelings towards James develops, he starts to compartmentalise James into his and addict, failing yet again to realise these two are the same person. Which. As you may have predicted, will cause issues further down the line as James can’t hide the addict side of himself deep enough.

But the overarching theme of doctors and other healthcare workers in all healthcare systems lacking to distinguish textbook knowledge from what’s in front of them is a huge topic and a sad one. It doesn’t affect just addiction, but also ethnic minorities, people with disabilities (ask any diabetic how easy it was to do their insulin whilst in a hospital and you’ll know) and members of the LGBT community, especially trans people. Ranging from basic nomenclature issues (only having F or M as gender or font on paperwork being too small or otherwise inaccessible for disabilities) to blunt oppression (not respecting pronouns, asking questions not related to current health needs).

I understand there’s only so much that can be taught at universities (or else the courses would be 10 years long lol) and just the pure clinical knowledge is heaps to learn, but I think that’s a poor excuse for not teaching healthcare workers basic empathy and understanding of challenges they might face whilst looking after patients outside of the “white, rich, able bodied and cishet” population.

Anyway, its a topic I could talk on forever and I don’t think anyone would be particularly interested, but the bottom line is: healthcare workers are amazing and brilliant people, but they need to constantly educate themselves on topics that are not pure science, but yet are inseparable part of their jobs. And the healthcare system should encourage that, both by providing resources as well giving time off to learn all those things and reward those who do. Needing to go to a hospital is stressful enough without having to worry about being, bluntly put, disrespected.

#roc answers #dass #drugs and surgical scrubs #tw addiction #tw drugs #tw transphobia #tw ableism #tw healthcare #do not reblog #please

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simsadventures · 4 years ago

Text

Gilded: Chapter 1: To Bride or Not to Bride

Mob! Steve x Reader

Summary: Your life is a mess and you need a little help from time to time. But, when somebody proposes a plan to rid you of all your problems all the way to the far future, you’re suddenly not so sure it is worth it. Especially since the plan is proposed to you by the most notorious gangster America has seen since Al Capone: Steve fucking Rogers.

Warnings: mafia AU, swearing (like, a lot this time), angst, struggles with money, loan-shark, sleazy men, harassing

Word Count: 7969

A/N: It’s finally here! It only took me around 6 months to bring it, and I apologise for the delay, but I hope I will make up for it with introductory this chapter :) Share your thoughts, let me know what you thought and what do you think will happen next :) xx

Series Masterlist __ Masterlist

“Just, wait a second,” you said, your brows knitting together as you tried to piece together all the information the man in front of you had just given you. He was gorgeous, there was no question about that, but that wasn’t the issue here. There were many gorgeous people in New York, and you didn’t marry any of them. Yet, that was.

“You want to marry me. But you still haven’t told me why, so?” You asked for what felt like the hundredth time that evening, and the man just smirked again, playing with his cuffs, never answering to your satisfaction.

“I told you, honey, what I want, I get, and I decided that I wanted you, so, what is going to be? Are you gonna be a good girl for me or am I gonna have to force you, hm?” He smiled sweetly, but even you knew better. Behind that oh-very-sweet smile, there was venom and a ton of it. You rubbed your temples and plopped down on the nice-looking couch, thinking about what he was proposing.

2 weeks ago

“Coming!” You yelled through the loud music at the guests seated by the table number 5 where a group of guys was seated, hollering at you every two seconds as if you didn’t hear them the first time. You rolled your eyes at your colleague, who just laughed under her breath as you strode towards the clients. You put on your best fake smile as you approached them, and from the whistles, you assumed they appreciated it.

“Thank God you came, sweets. We thought you were getting tired of us,” the loudest of them laughed, and the group followed his suit, making your clench your jaw even more. Oh, how you hated this type of men, who had nothing better to do than calling a woman pet-names, making her feel uncomfortable just so his friends could have a laugh and a story to tell.

“What can I get you, gentleman? Another round of the same?” You asked as sweetly as you could, but it was getting harder by the second as they all eyed you like a piece of raw meat, ready to be devoured.

“I mean, that would be nice, and could you serve us a piece of that sweet ass of course as well? We’d really appreciate it, pretty face,” the loud guy smirked sleazily, and you fought the urge to vomit in your face. One of the guys made the mistake of actually making a move to swat you across your butt, but your reflexes were quicker.

You took a step back and breathed in, trying to calm your beating heart. This was, however, nothing new in your line of work, and you just learned to ignore it, or, at best, politely turn them down. Because, as you learned very early on, the manager didn’t appreciate if his “girls” were nasty to his customers. He almost made it sound like you were to provide your bodies with the beers, but you told him straightforwardly that that wouldn’t happen, and if his pub was one of these, you wanted to have nothing to do with it. All you were there to do was to work the evening and night shift to get some extra money on top of your regular job, and that was it. He even made a few remarks how he wanted you all to himself, but you politely declined every time and just tried to ignore it altogether.

“This ass is not for sale, I’m sorry, boys. But, the vodka shots are coming right up,” you tried to give them your best wink but didn’t wait long enough to see if they accepted their loss or not. You genuinely didn’t care.

The night continued in a similar manner, some people being inappropriate and you just ignoring their behaviour, and some people actually nice, even leaving you a few tips which always made you smile. You were beat when it was 11, and your shift ended, and you were thrilled today wasn’t one of those days when you had to stay there till 4 AM. It was then that people got really disgusting and you even had to resolve to hit a guy this one time because otherwise, you were pretty sure he’d manage to rape you. You sighed at the memory as you continued on your way home, just now remembering you left the tips meant for you in your locker.

Sighing you turned around and walked back towards the bar, and when you were in, you noticed three men in black suits talking to your coworker, who looked stunned and scared at the same time. You cocked a brow at her, and she discreetly shook her head, telling you that you shouldn’t come nearer.

This time, you really frowned and looked around, but the rest of the pub looked exactly the way you left it, even with the assholes by the fifth table. But you listened to her and took a step back to one of the dark corners, watching what was going on by the bar. It didn’t take long, definitely not longer than 5 minutes before the men turned around and left the building.

Your coworker looked positively alarmed by now, and you almost ran to her to ask what the fuck did just happen.

“I have no idea, Y/N. I noticed them by table 10 like an hour ago, but I didn’t pay them any attention because that was Christy’s sector tonight and I had the veranda. And when you left they just came here asking about you,” she breathed out, and it was your turn to look alarmed.

“The fuck? Why would they ask about me when it was Christy who took care of them?” You screeched, your brain not really comprehending the situation.

“I have no fucking idea, Y/N. But, like, they asked your name and stuff, and like, if you were a regular waitress here or what. I didn’t want to tell them anything, I swear, but they didn’t take no for an answer. So I just told them your first name, I wouldn’t budge on your last, I promise, and told them that you sometimes worked here but that I didn’t know when was your next shift,” she finished, a little scared of your reaction now, but from the look of those guys, you knew they were bad news and that Anja did the best she could.

“Nah, it’s ok, An. I would do the same. I’m really grateful that you didn’t give them my last name, though, that was really thoughtful of you,” you smiled at her, and it obviously put her at ease as she hugged and hurried back to the veranda, where you both saw a few guests waving that they needed a refill.

The hell did just happen, and why would three mysterious men ask about you?

It couldn’t be that they found out, right? No… you made sure all the traces were hidden, forever, so, that wasn’t an option.

No, you told yourself, there must be another reason for them to ask about you. But you didn’t want to find out. It was a one-time thing, these men were just confused, or one of them liked you or something like that, and you would never see them again. This actually calmed you down enough to start functioning again, and you remembered that you came for something specific, took the money and went straight home.

“This can’t be happening,” you muttered as you looked over your bills. There was so much to pay and so little money on your account that you actually started to sweat. You worked two jobs and still wasn’t able to afford to live a life where you didn’t have to worry about money. What was more, with the high taxes, your rent, subway card and food you went into red numbers, and that was something you definitely didn’t want. Nobody told you that as an Arts Major, you could still be struggling to stay alive in the city of New York.

You went over the bills again even though you knew your math was correct and that you didn’t have enough to pay your landlord this month.

Fuck, you muttered again and considered your options. You could ask your friends, but you didn’t want to bother them since you knew they were struggling as much as you were. You shared your apartment with two of your best friends who you considered a family by now, Caroline and Aidan. And while you knew they would do anything to help you, neither of their jobs paid enough to be able to help you as much as you needed this month.

Your other option was asking your landlord to give you some more time before more money arrived, but just imagining the conversation gave you goosebumps because you could picture the kind of service he’d want from you, and you’d literally rather go and beg on the street than to sleep with that middle-aged pig.

So, as you summarised it, the only option remained the loan shark. Tony was actually a nice guy, once you got to know him, and he was nice to you because you always paid precisely what he told you to when he told you to, and never asked too many questions or begged for more time. You were smarter than that, and, besides, you’ve seen too many movies with loan sharks to know what could happen to you.

The first time you went to him was probably 2 years ago, straight from university when you still thought you could make it big in New York. Well, safe to say that you didn’t make it, and while you remained hopeful, you had bigger problems than becoming a renown painter, like not starving to death and other fun stuff like that.

You were awfully scared to go to Tony, he had a reputation of being kind of an ass, but people also said that, compared to the other guys in the business, he actually had the fairest demands, and as you had no other choice, you just went to him. And because life was a bitch, you ended up going there on more occasions. Tony was kind enough always to lend even small amounts of money because you really didn’t need 100K. No, you always need like 1 or 2 thousand, and while the other loan sharks turned people like you down, Tony didn’t, and he never wanted more than like 400$ as a return, which seemed quite fair as the other guys always wanted 100% or more.

Well, Tony, it was, as you sighed looking around your room, thinking how you even got where you were. But there was no time to waste pitying yourself, and so you shot Tony a quick message, as you always did, and to no surprise, he was very quick to respond that you should come by later that afternoon.

You were just getting ready when Aidan burst through your door. He stopped mid-step, looking at you confusedly because you didn’t tell him you were going somewhere.

“Got a date or what? You never go out on Saturday afternoon, not if you can help it,” he said sceptically, looking around the room as his eyes landed on the fumbled papers on your table, and the look of realisation hit him.

“You going to Tony again? Y/N, we told you, we can help you, babe! Let us help just this once, please?” He pleaded with you even though he knew it was useless.

“C’mon, babe, you know you and Caroline are not making much either, and you’re both glad to get by another month. Tony is like an old friend by now, really. I don’t mind it that much, and it’s definitely a better option than burying you two with me under this pile of shit,” you huffed as you finished applying mascara, but you didn’t even check yourself in the mirror, really not caring that much how you looked. You went to Manhattan just to meet Tony and would go straight back, quick mission, in and out.

“You need to find a better job, Y/N,” Aidan smirked at you, and you just laughed because you both knew it was pretty much impossible, especially since you loved your day job with the only issue that it paid like shit.

“You know this is my chance to be close to art and I really want it. I mean, it could happen that they promote me from being a receptionist to like, I dunno, being a secretary to one of the curators of the gallery, right?”

He just huffed and kissed the top of your head, striding towards the door. It was only then that you noticed he was dressed to go out as well.

“And where are you going, mister?” You asked with a mother-like tone, and he just laughed, turning around as if he was caught in the act.

“So, you remember John?” He asked, sitting on your bed, and you actually laughed out loud at him.

“Which one? I mean, there has been so many Johns and Peters that I swear to God I’m starting to think there are only men called John and Peter in the whole fucking New York. So, more info, babe, please,” you scooted to him and listened to which John it actually was he was meeting and was pretty excited about this. This was John the Ballet dancer, and he looked really nice, so far.

John the Fake Mobster was a lying bastard, John the Hairdresser wanted Aidan for just that one thing but would never admit it, and then you didn’t even have John-the for the guys because they were all just idiots who didn’t see your best friend for what he was: an amazing, although a little extra person with a very good heart, great sense of humour and amazing hair.

“Alright, well, you know the drill. Keep your phone on data so we can use Find your Friend if needed, keep your eyes open for anything sketchy going on, but, most importantly, enjoy yourself, babe. I’ll see you tonight,” you hugged him tightly and walked out of the apartment and into the busy streets.

If it were all up to you, you’d live in a secluded place, somewhere in the north probably, like outside Seattle, where you’d have a lovely little house, maybe by a river or by the ocean or something, where you’d have enough inspiration for your art and where you wouldn’t be annoyed by the little things, like the car horns blaring all the way to the night, people shouting underneath your bedroom’s window, and little things like that.

But life was not a factory for fulfilled wishes, and you had to endure another day trying to make it in New York. You thought about all of this as you walked down the street to where you knew you could find Tony. You weren’t happy that you had to go to him, again, but you also knew that you didn’t need to worry anymore. You would have the money for your landlord by the end of the week, and when the gallery paid you, you would pay Tony back. Again.

“If it isn’t my favourite girl!” You heard a familiar voice hollering from the shop, and you laughed lightly as you walked into the pawnshop Tony had set up in the lower Manhattan.

“Hello to you too, Tony. Today a yellow day, or what?” You greeted him as you looked at his outfit, which was just a canary yellow tracksuit and a matching hat. He looked like a character from a bad movie, but you knew better than to say anything like that.

“Yellow is very classy and trendy, thank you very much! Yesterday I wore this really nice green velvet tracksuit, and you should have seen some ladies walking by, they almost ate me with their eyes! I swear!” He added as he saw you stifling a laugh, but you just nodded in fake understanding, and both of you shared a relaxed laugh.

“So, what can I do for you today, sweetheart?” He drawled, and you shuffled on the spot, always feeling slightly uncomfortable when it came to this part.

“I need a thousand this week. Ton. I’ve been working my ass off, but the bills keep building up, and every time I think I’m out of it and I can live normally, there is always something holding me back,” you sighed, scratching your arms which was a nervous habit of yours that Tony grew quite fond of.

He was almost sorry for saying the next thing, but this was way above his pay grade, and while he really did take some liking to you, and he would always give you enough time to pay him off, he knew who he couldn’t piss off.

“Listen, Y/N, I have a proposal for you,” Tony started, and you frowned, not really knowing where this was going, but from the look on Tony’s face, you could tell it was nothing good.

“There is somebody who would like to get to know you, and he has a proposal for you that he believes you can’t refuse. I don’t know any specifics, I just know he is willing to pay you a lot of money, and I’m talking thousands and thousands, Y/N. He said that nothing sexual would be involved because I told him that if he was looking for a one night stand, you weren’t his girl, but he assured me that this wasn’t it. He would like to meet with you and tell you all the details if you let him. And before you say no, Y/N, think about it. All you gotta do now is to meet him and listen to him, and he is one of those guys who don’t take no for an answer,” Tony finished, and while you saw it pained him to give you the message, you were too stunned to care.

“What the hell are you talking about, Tony? Is this some kind of a sick joke? Like, did this guy tell you he wanted to talk to me specifically or just a girl desperate enough to come here?” You blurted, still not getting what he was about.

“He asked for you, sweetie. I don’t know how, but he knew you’d come and told me when you did to give you the message and give you his address. Which is here,” he said, handing you a piece of paper with an address and a date with the time written on it, “and he told me that if you came and agreed to his plan, you wouldn’t have to worry about money this week or any other week. It could be your chance, Y/N. Look, the guy is extremely powerful, so, please, just go and meet him, and you’ll see, ok?” He was scared, and it made you scoff out loud.

Great, so a loan shark was giving you a message to meet some mysterious, powerful asshole who wouldn’t take no for an answer and who probably stalked you as he knew you would be coming to Tony sooner or later. Just great, really.

“It seems I don’t really have a choice, do I? Sheesh, Tony, at least tell me who this guy is and like how scared I should be. You gotta give me something because I can’t just go to some random house and be totally ok with it. Nobody can’t expect me to do so,” you pointed out, and Tony nodded in understanding.

“Totally, yeah. I even asked if I should come with you, but I was told you should be alone. You should be alert, let’s put it that way. If I were you, I’d really think before I speak, because this guy doesn’t take anything lightly. And I think it would be best if you didn’t know his name, Y/N. Just… he doesn’t want to hurt you, all he wants to do is speak to you, so please, just do it,” Tony finished just as some customer came into the shop.

You waited patiently because the conversation was far from over, but you knew better than to start shit in front of some stranger. Tony was evidently scared shitless of the guy, and it only fuelled your already growing anxiety. Tony was determined not to share too much information with you, but you didn’t understand why. Why could you not at least know the guy’s name? Who could it be?

Your brain took a detour to a few nights ago back at the pub where you saw the men asking about you, and a cold sweat broke on your skin. It must have been connected, there was no doubt in your mind about that, and it filled you with so much dread you actually had to catch your right hand with your left to stop yourself from shaking violently.

The doorbell rang signalling the customer left, and your eyes gazed at Tony, who was already staring at you apologetically.

“And what about the money, Tony? It’s Saturday, and I need to pay my rent by Friday next week. Nice of the guy, whoever the fuck he is, that he wants to see me, but he won’t if I’m on a fucking street next weekend,” you seethed, and Tony was quick to walk around the counter behind which he was standing this whole time and walked closer to you.

“He wants to see you on Wednesday, Y/N, and he specifically told me not to lend you any money, that he would take care of it. Whatever the fuck it means.”

“The fuck? I don’t even know his fucking name, and he will stop me from getting money to survive? What the actual hell, Tony? You can’t be serious right now,” you cried out in utter desperation because none of this was supposed to happen. You were supposed to come, chat a little with the goatee man, get the money and walk back home, where you’d watch some stupid TV show and drink shitty wine.

But no, of all the people living in New York this shit must be happening to you. As you didn’t have enough on your fucking plate as was, some mysterious fucker had to be interested in you for whatever reason, and he wouldn’t let you live without talking to him first.

“Can’t you just call him and tell him that I want to have nothing to do with him?” You asked when you felt calm enough to talk again. You didn’t even know whether you were scared or desperate or angry, but at best, you were feeling a mix of all these and some more, that was for sure.

“No can do, sweetie, but I promise it will be alright, ok? You’re a strong one, I know that and whatever he wants from you, you can either give or can talk to him,” Tony smiled sweetly, and while you knew he was full of bullshit you let it slide because you just didn’t have it in you to fight with him when he was clearly just the messenger. Whoever wanted to speak to you, however, he would hear it from you because where were we that a guy just asks for a girl and the whole of New York delivers her to him on a silver platter?

Wednesday

“You gotta be kidding me, Y/N. Are you seriously considering going there? For all you know it might be some elaborate trap and somebody’s gonna jump you and kill you in some dark alley,” Caroline screeched at you as she saw you getting ready after you came home from work.

You had to ask for a night off from the pub since mister nobody wanted to meet you on your night of work. But you knew you couldn’t say no. Whoever it was, Tony was afraid of him, and Tony was a tough guy. And not that you wouldn’t be brave, but your bravery was mostly concentrated on being able to throw a spider out of the apartment or walk the corridor with the lights out, not really crossing some powerful guy who could do God-knows-what to you if you didn’t come.

“C’mon, guys. You know I gotta do it. And I honestly think if they wanted to kill me, they would have already done it,” you muttered, trying to pick something to wear, that wasn’t too revealing, but you also didn’t want to go wherever you were going in a pair of baggy sweatpants you were currently rocking.

“But like, what if they want to make a personal slave out of you, huh? Like, cuff you to a ceiling and serve them with your body, like a personal kind of slave, you know what I mean? You were not made to be strapped to a ceiling, babe,” Aidan panicked, and you actually had to laugh.

“Your imagination never ceases to astonish me, Aid. Or are you speaking from personal experience?” You smirked as both you and Caroline laughed out loud at Aidan’s expression of utter disgust.

“You two are disgusting, and I hate you, but that doesn’t change the fact you still don’t know where the fuck you’re going,” Aidan countered and you rolled your eyes at him.

“I’ll keep my data on so you can see me this whole time, and if I don’t call you by 9 PM you can send the cops there, deal?”

They both nodded in agreement, knowing this was the best they were getting. You were glad you had them in your life and that you had people caring enough to try and stop you from doing something stupid, but something in your told you that your life would be even worse if you didn’t go. At least this way you’d know the whole story, and you would be able to make an educated decision based on all the variables.

“A’ight, but if anything sketchy happens, you run, ok? We can figure out the money, but we can’t figure out shit if you’re not here with us,” Caroline reminded you, and you nodded solemnly.

God, you just hoped you weren’t making a mistake by listening to Tony. He even shot you a message in the afternoon, reminding you to go there because if you didn’t, it could end up badly for both of you. And it was actually one of the decisive arguments in the whole thing, surprisingly. You didn’t want anything happening to Tony, especially not because of you and your decisions, and so you just told yourself to suck it and prepared for the evening.

You really couldn’t afford the cab, so you had to leave super early to be at the given address at precisely 7 PM. You also grabbed the book you were currently reading, Kim Stanley Robinson’s New York 2140, so that the ride to Manhattan wouldn’t be as dull and dreadful. You could think of the utopian future he depicts rather than thinking of your journey to the lion’s den, and that was the most promising image you created in your head about the place where you were headed.

Not that you didn’t try to find the place on Google maps, but all the buildings on the address looked the same, and, actually, quite nice, so you had no idea what you were getting yourself into.

Meanwhile, Tony texted you again since you didn’t reply to his previous text, and this time you took the time to craft a message telling him that yes, you were indeed headed to the manor and he didn’t need to worry about his own neck because you wouldn’t let others be hurt because of your incompetence or your cowardice.

You knew you were getting off on Chambers St station and you actually took the time to think how many people living in Tribeca had to take the subway. The answer was, very obviously, zero, as the majority of the people in the subway were either passing or were clothed in a way you knew they worked in either one of the restaurants there or as a help. And you felt like one of them, because you too didn’t live in the wealthiest village in New York, and you too were going there mainly for business. Well, at least you hope you did.

Checking every house number when you got to the street you were supposed to meet the mysterious guy at, you tried to find where exactly was the bat cave, and when you saw the number 112, you knew you found it.

Your breath came in ragged huffs as you tried to gather the last remnants of your bravery as you walked up the stairs and buzzed on the door. Your head was spinning lightly, and you actually had to lean against the wall beside you to regain your composure.

The door soon revealed a massive man dressed in a black turtleneck and a pair of black jeans, and you were actually quite surprised not to see him with sunglasses and an earpiece. If the situation weren’t so tense, you’d probably joke about it, but as it was, you just followed his lead as he beckoned you inside.

“Miss Y/L/N, I presume? I need to see your phone and your belongings, ma’am,” he stated, and you raised a brow at him.

“Excuse me?”

“It’s a standard procedure, ma’am. Everybody here to see the boss needs to be checked, just in case,” he stated, leaving no room for discussion, and while you sighed exasperatedly, you still handed him your bag and made a point by fishing out the phone and shoving it in his outstretched hand. He took a quick look through your belongings, pushing it against what you assumed was some kind of a metal detector before he pulled out another device. This looked like a big phone, and he scanned your bag once again.

“What is that?” You asked, unable to stop your curiosity.

“Checking if you’re not bugged,” he answered matter-of-factly as he continued before he put the device down, clearly not finding anything. Where would you even get a bug, and why would you do it? You rolled your eyes inwardly but kept a straight face in front of the man, just in case he was watching. Which he was, as you found out by him waving in front of your face and showing you to follow him.

You braced yourself for whatever was awaiting upstairs and obediently walked behind him.

As you walked through the house, you got the impression that whoever lived there was wealthy, but that kind that didn’t really put on a flashy show. There were no chandeliers, no heavy curtains and stuff you pretty much imagined this place would look like and that image had nothing to do with the Beast and the Beauty dance room, nothing at all.

But this was… modest. Everything was very contemporary, some prominent brick here and there with mostly grey floors and the furniture was most definitely customary but, again, it was plain yet luxurious. You assumed that’s how the really rich people lived. They knew they had the money, and the people around them knew it as well, so there was no need for diamond stairs and a golden toilet.

A few names surged from memory as you heard your coworkers discuss the wealthy New Yorkers, but you didn’t want to assume anything before you actually saw the person, so you just walked by the halls before the man stopped in front one of the rooms and quietly knocked.

It was not surprising when another man dressed exactly like the guy leading you appeared from the room and took a quick look at you before he said something to whoever was behind him. When the affirmative came that you could indeed go in there, they shoved the door open and what you assumed was a living room appeared in front of you. It corresponded with the whole house, but your attention was caught by one specific thing. Your brain had its own world, and when you saw one of Tunji Adeniyi-Jones’s paintings from his last year’s exhibit, you almost fainted. He was your favourite contemporary artist. And seeing his work outside of the gallery was practically an otherworldly feeling. You gaped at the beautiful play of colours, and your heart swooned at the perfection of the brush strokes.

“Ehm,” you heard somebody cough beside you, and it startled you so much you actually jumped to the side, your hand flying to your chest in a feeble attempt to will your heart to stay calm.

You took the intruder in and found out that unlike every other man in the room (and there were a few, as you noticed) this guy wasn’t wearing all-black attire. He was in a comfortable-looking creme sweater and a pair of dark blue jeans, everything fitting him as if the clothes were sawn to his body.

Which, as far as you could tell, was the body of a Greek God.

“See something you like, honey?” The man interrupted thoughts, and it just crossed your mind that he was really rude, not letting you breathe even for a second before he had to make his presence known.

“Yes, actually. I’m quite a big fan of the artist whose painting you have there, so I admired that. And you are?” You trailed at the end, signalling that while he was very handsome, you had no idea who he was and why it was that you needed to come to him this evening.

“Straight to business, huh? I like that. I’m quite surprised Tony didn’t tell you who I was. Was he scared you wouldn’t have come if you knew?” He didn’t wait for your answer, however. “Well, honey, I’m Steve Rogers, and I am very pleased to meet you,” he smirked at your stomach dropped.

Steve Rogers? That Steve Rogers? It wasn’t possible.

“You gotta be kidding me,” you muttered as you scratched your arms nervously.

“Oh no, on the contrary. I’m all too real, Miss Y/L/N, and from the looks of it, I’m glad Tony didn’t tell you, you look like you might faint. Are you feeling alright?” He asked like the smug asshole he was, and you just turned away from him, taking a deep breath before you finally turned back around to face him with a pokerface.

“I’m alright, thank you. So now, can I know what it is you want from me so much you stalked me and made me come here, pretty much by force?”

He scoffed but showed you to follow him to the sofa. When you didn’t budge, he simply took you by your elbow and pretty much shoved you down to the plump sofa.

“Force, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I simply asked you to come visit me, is it so wrong? But yes, you are right, we should talk about why I invited you here. You see, Y/N, I’m in need of a wife, and after long calculations, I came to the conclusion you would be perfect for the job,” he said straightforwardly, and it was now that you felt like you’d faint.

“Marry me? Are you fucking insane?” You couldn’t hold it in any longer. Form the pissed off expression on his face, you could see it was not the right move, but he couldn’t expect any other reaction, really.

“Easy, honey or I might have to use the said force to shut that smart mouth of yours,” Steve mumbled dangerously, and you swallowed harshly.

“Right, you’re a notorious mobster, and I’m literally nobody, and if you killed me, nobody would miss me. Good, now that’s out of the table, why do you want to marry me? And what does it mean you are in need of a wife? I mean… you are notorious for dating a different girl every week, can’t you just marry one of them if you’re in such a great hurry?”

“No, honey, I can’t. All you need to know right now is my proposal. So, here it is. You will marry me, we will stay married for a year and then get a divorce. You will have everything every girl ever wanted: loads of clothes, all the time in the world to do whatever the fuck you want, you won’t have to work, and I will pay for everything and more. You will live here so you won’t have to worry about your rent money, and I will also pay your student loan, on top of which you will be paid 20.000$ every month for playing your role. And when the year is over, you will walk away rich, without any debts slowing you down and you will be able to do anything you want. How does that sound?”

“It sounds like it’s not a proposal but a directive,” you smiled sweetly and stood up, pacing the room and scratching your hands like crazy. This was not happening, no, no, no!

You needed the money, you really did, and getting rid of the debt from your student loan that would have been sweet too, but at what price? On the other hand, you thought, how bad could it be to just be somebody’s wife for a year? He did make it sound pretty easy.

“What would be expected of me?”

“Well, you would go with me to every event and pretty much listen to everything I say,” he shrugged as if it was the most natural thing to say to another human being.

“Like, you’d ask me to spread my legs for you here, and I would do it?” You asked, suddenly very angry that the man just assumed what kind of a person you were. You were desperate, but not that desperate.

“Oh, no, honey. That is one of the reasons why I chose you: I’m not attracted to you, so no, I wouldn’t ask you for any sexual favours. We could even put that to our contract if you’d feel better, but, really, you have nothing to worry from me,” he again said with ease, and you didn’t know if you were glad he just told you this or really pissed and ashamed.

Not that you thought you were some kind of a beauty, far from it, but he also didn’t have to be so upfront about it. And now you understood it even less why the hell he chose you.

“You want to marry me. But you still haven’t told me why, so?” You asked for like the hundredth time that evening, and the man just smirked again, playing with his cuffs, never answering to your satisfaction.

“Honey, what I want, I get, and I decided that I wanted you, so, what is going to be? Are you gonna be a good girl for me or am I gonna have to force you, hm?” He smiled sweetly, but even you knew better. Behind that oh-very-sweet smile, there was venom and a ton of it. You rubbed your temples and plopped down on the nice-looking couch, thinking about what he was proposing.

“Then why choosing me if you don’t find me attractive? Not that it’s an issue, I’m just really trying to understand the situation here,” you said, totally ignoring the threat in his voice as you needed some much valuable answers.

“Right, well, first of all, as I already mentioned, what I want, I get, honey, and you should always remember that. Secondly, it was your ability to keep a straight face, even though I can see the ability is not endless. I need somebody who will be sickly sweet to both my friends and enemies alike, who won’t mind a few sleazy comments from the old fuckers, and who will look like an obedient wife. I need somebody who will blend in and who will look trustworthy, and not like she was to stay only for a week. And when I saw you in that pub where you used to work, I could see you had what it took to be in this life, even if only for a year,” he finished, and you were glad you were right at least about the guy, Steve, also sending the people to sniff around your workplace. But then it hit you.

“Where I used to work? I still work there,” you said dumbfounded, and Steve chuckled humorously.

“Oh no, you don’t. You see, I need my wife free all the time and I need her here with me. Look, Y/N, this is getting tiring, and I really need an answer now. What is it gonna be, huh?”

“Like I even have a choice. You just said you would use force if I said no, so, what am I supposed to say, huh? I don’t want to get married, but I don’t have any money and your snoopy ass is getting in the way of my life, and you ended one of my jobs, and before you say you terminated my contract in the gallery, please think about it again. That job is very important to me, it has always been my dream to be in a gallery surrounded by beautiful art, and, by chance, having my art there as well.

I don’t know Steve, your offer is very generous, it really is, but I don’t think I’m the right one,” you sighed finally and looked around the room, ignoring the boring looks from Steve. Then you saw the clock and you almost panicked, it was two minutes before 9.

“Oh my God, I need to call my friends, or they’re gonna call the cops,” you said quickly already dialling Caroline’s number. You told her you were fine and that no, you weren’t a personal slave yet, but that you’d tell them everything when you got home. When the call ended, the venom was back in Steve’s eyes.

“If you think you can talk to people about anything I have just said, you are terribly wrong, doll,” he seethed, and you were taken aback, but you didn’t want him to think he intimidated you.

“Well, if you think I’m not gonna tell my family about this, then it’s you who is terribly wrong, Steve. We tell each other everything, and if I considered this proposal of yours, it would mean Aidan and Caroline would know about this, at least that I’m marrying you for more than my undying love for you,” you spat back, and Steve saw the determination in your eyes. He knew he had to compromise with you, even if only a little bit.

He already found out everything about you, he knew your whole life, your past, everything his people could find on the internet. And what he got from the search was that you and the people you lived with were extremely close. He considered getting rid of them but realised it would only push you away from what he needed from you. And he needed a wife ASAP.

The mafia was still very conservative, and as he was the only boss without a constant woman by his side, he was sometimes excluded from important meetings that happened on “family retreats.” And he needed all the info there was if he wanted to be the best of the best. Or, the worst of the worst, if we were being literal.

“Fine, but they will need to sign a contract saying that they will keep their mouths shut,” Steve smiled back, and you nodded, your head already spinning.

Were you really considering it? But was there any other option? You needed the money, and it would’ve be great if you didn’t have to care about your student loan for the rest of your life. You would see the world, just like you wanted, you would have time for your art, and you would be free after only a year. That didn’t sound that bad. Sure, you’d be affiliated with a known mafia boss, but that was nothing you couldn’t handle. But there was still a question Steve didn’t answer.

“What about my job at the gallery? If you made them fire me and I’m gonna find out tomorrow, I can’t even begin to consider this. I want that job, I want to work at that gallery, Steve.”

“Fucking hell, I could buy you the gallery if you agreed!” He shouted, exasperated that it was taking so long. He really didn’t get it. He was proposing a life in luxury, and he knew that the majority of women in New York would be more than happy to be seen by his side. But you? You had to be difficult and even demand stuff. Fucking hell…

“But whatever, you wanna work there, fine. Whatever, I don’t give a fuck. Do we have a deal or not? I have better things to do with my evening than just bargain with you, honey,” he accentuated the pet name that you already hated.

Well, this wasn’t how you imagined your proposal to go. Not that you were too keen on the whole idea of a marriage, but still, a girl could dream. Yet, here you were, actually considering getting tied up with a mobster for a year just because he offered you enough money and a life that you felt like could be interesting, if only for a year and with a man who blatantly told you he wasn’t interested in you in that way. This was the only reason you didn’t feel as dirty as you expected because you knew he would never touch you and never want you to do something sexual against your will.

You were used to lying through your teeth ever since you were little, your parents made sure you knew how important it was to keep your secret, and dangerous life wasn’t something you only heard of on TV. All this made the decision slightly easier, as you finally made up your mind.

“Fine, but we still have a lot to talk about, Mr Rogers,” you set your jaw and outstretched your hand to shake on it with him.

“Whatever, Mrs Rogers. Consider your rent paid and I’ll see you on Friday when we discuss our matter in greater detail. Now, if you excuse me,” he kissed the top of your hand and walked away.

Well, this would be fun, you told yourself as you watched the man you would soon call your husband walk away from you, and contemplated whether you made the right choice. But your life wasn’t great as was, as much as you tried to fill it with laughter and happiness, and, in a sense, Steve offered you an out, even if only for a little bit.

Here was to nothing, you hollered at yourself in your mind and followed one of the turtleneck-guys out of the manor and into the chilly air of evening New York.

/ Next Chapter >

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