#sorry for getting rambly again anon

[yuesya]

hey there it is chainsaw man makima-planned-it-all-along theory anon

I was not expecting such a detailed response! Thanks for going the extra mile and replying with long paragraphs :)

I do believe a lot in my theory so here’s me grasping at straws. Feel free to ignore this next part as I debate poorly. Especially since it is all speculation with no proper evidence haha.

1) I would say that makima did a “to fool your enemies, you must first fool your allies” plan since it would be odd if the special divisions were under attack but not her. She can take any hit on her anyways.

Pretty sure she could have chosen to kill off Sawatari any time too but it is because the team had yet to accomplish their duty of fooling everyone that the gun devil is out there trying to get to denji.

I speculate that Makima probably controlled some random offscreen extra to make the deal with Sawatari to kill all special divisions people.

Side note: I did not mean to imply that Sawatari was part of Public Safety but rather I did mean the same thing that you said which was wearing the Public Safety Uniform meant that you were under Makima’s control.

2) I can’t argue with you there HAHAHA 🏳️ Especially since the president of America summoned the gun devil specifically to kill her.

3) Makima wanted to take out the weaker people in her division since she had no use for them. She had accurately estimated that Aki, Power and Denji would survive. The fiends were of more use to her too. (Narrative-wise, the mangaka just wanted to focus on a few people only)

(Please do not mistake me for a Makima simp, I am 100% all for Denji’s happiness and I hate Makima for what she did) (The only reason why I continued reading on to Part 2 was so that I could ultimately see Denji being happy with his life)

TLDR: I have read a lot of your other works previously. They’re all great and I am looking forward to whatever you will write!! I found zenith of stars first on ao3 but it only clicked that yuesya = xXZuiliu when I went to fanfiction dot net and found the jjk fanfic there as well haha (something that I knew but had now forgotten - no wonder the style of summary was so familiar)

It was a pleasant surprise to see that you have also written works for jjk and csm! Can’t wait to read whatever you have in store :>

Hihi~ As you may have sussed out by this point I tend to get a bit rambly sometimes haha. It's fun theorizing things!

Honestly, as long as the manga doesn't outright confirm or deny anything, I think you could probably argue both ways on this particular topic! Although I will admit, looking back on Arc 1 and considering the overall narrative, Makima does seem verrryy 'sus.' ;3

(More below the cut:)

1. I definitely agree with you that Makima getting attacked was a smokescreen (her conversation with Kishibe after he trains Denji and Power seems to suggest that as well). Although, it's not so much 'Makima being attacked' that stands out to me as it is, 'Makima being attacked with the honest intent to murder.'

You could argue that this was done on purpose, because it would be blatantly suspicious if everyone else was attacked with murderous intent but only Makima got off lightly. But then, considering that prior to the end of Arc 1, no one really knew that Makima was a devil who could regenerate from fatal injuries. If Sawatari was aware and acting under Makima's orders, she probably wouldn't have actually gone and murdered Makima.

This would be a moot point if Sawatari was unaware that Makima was the one holding the reins from the shadows, possibly using some intermediary to interact with Sawatari instead and set things in motion. Which is also a valid possibility.

Apologies for the misunderstanding on the Public Safety uniform!

2. Tacking on to governments using the Gun Devil: This isn't entirely relevant to the current topic of 'mastermind Makima,' but I also just wanted to briefly bring up the topic of non-governmental usage of guns as well, since I forgot to mention it last time lol.

Canonically, we know that governments produce and regulate firearms. However, I am also of the belief that not all guns are directly related to governmental offices.

If the government does its best to regulate something, then there is definitely going to be a black market for it. And no matter how strictly it's controlled, people are going to find ways around it if profit is involved. Arms trafficking seems like it might be very lucrative in CSM-verse, so I'm betting that there are also guns circulating outside of direct governmental oversight in this world.

3. I honestly didn't think about it as Makima weeding out the weaker devil hunters, actually! Although that's definitely how things ended up turning out, much to her advantage. For me, I think Makima cutting down on the numbers was to have a smaller division (mostly devils/fiends) that would presumably be easier to influence and control. More importantly-

Denji.

Killing off the majority of human devil hunters among the Special Divisions drastically reduced the number of people Denji potentially could've interacted with. Made friends with, or learned from.

Remember that drinking party with Special Division 4? The other division members were all older adults (most likely Himeno's age and older). Who would, presumably, want to look out for a minor shanghaied into being a devil hunter, and might care for his wellbeing as they come to know him. Which may very well conflict with Makima's plans for Denji, so they had to go. This way, the only kind of 'normal' that Denji will know is the 'normal' that Makima provides him.

Aki looks out for Denji, but Aki is fairly young, and I think he looks out for Denji more from the perspective of a brother rather than an adult. Also, he's obedient to Makima's orders, whereas some of the other Special Division 4 members had mentioned that the drinking party was their first time even seeing Makima in person, if I remember correctly.

The only survivors of the assault were devils/fiends under Makima's power, or subordinate devil hunters that Makima could easily command (Aki, Kobeni).

... Kishibe being the exception, but you can't look at Kishibe and seriously tell me you think he would be a responsible, well-meaning adult in the traditional sense. xD A normal adult would look at Denji and get the poor kid therapy, maybe hire tutors and/or send him to school and ease him back into society for a happy, normal life. The less said about what happened during Denji's first encounter with Kishibe, the better.

Another happy side effect of killing off of most of Special Division 4: Makima gets to study how Denji reacts to the deaths of his coworkers, and is probably able to fine-tune how she should manipulate him from there based off of his reaction.

... Makima is scary, I definitely wouldn't want to meet her LOL.

But ANYWAYS thanks for sharing your thoughts!! Always happy to toss around ideas haha. Thanks for reading my other fics, too~

Yeah, so the pen name thing may have caused some confusion. ;;; Back when I first signed up for an Ao3 account, I wanted to change my pen name, hence 'Yuesya.' But then I realized that all the chapters I posted on FFN were signed off as 'XxZuiliu.' I instantly concluded that there was absolutely no way I was going to go back and change everything, but I also didn't want to cause major confusion to anyone reading my fics.

... And that's the story of how I ended up with two pen names! xD

[xxplastic-cubexx]

I had the absolute dumbest idea:

X-men dating sim where you can date like any adult in the mansion

And like Charles’ route seems normal but if you get too far you get killed by Magneto and get a secret bad ending.

anon you cant say this not when i have an infatuation with imagining my faves in DATING SIMS

[princecroutons]

sorry to come in here suddenly but i wanted to add my own thoughts on one of the posts you reblogged (while being anonymous if thats cool) honestly that's why i don't really feel comfortable having a dedicated account for my pet because i am so genuinely worried about people getting the wrong idea if they take something out of context now don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with being worried about an animals well-being and i DO understand that there are people who suck and don't care about animals, but i swear nobody actually takes the time to look through a blogs post or read anything important on the account that does confirm the animal is safe and happy i've seen people literally not be bothered to read captions on posts now (especially tiktok videos) and just go ballistic on people because they got started assuming the worst instead of taking the time to do research it's okay to be concerned guys; coming from an animal lover i do understand being concerned, but people can really take it to an extreme when there's so much that you can do as a person

There was a time I wasn't very comfortable sharing my pets beyond discord servers or a few posts here and there, especially since I'd had rats, and the exotic pet communities can be even worse sometimes (though I do understand, especially with rodents) but I made this blog for a friend who adores him and he didn't really blow up until that post (that I wrote while high and immediately passed out after) and God I didn't expect the amount of people who wouldn't take a moment to think, or read, or search a blog for asks already answered.

I got a lot of rude comments about how it was abusive, that it was terrible to do that to a cat, that so on and so forth, assumption, assumption, assumption - and even when I had his post up for donations/gfm I had someone comment that I was being irresponsible for not having pet insurance, or unsolicited advice ad nauseam

I love animals, I love people who share their animals, and if I'm ever concerned I go out of my way to do a little digging before I do anything further because I'd rather be wrong than send someone an accusatory ask or give them unsolicited advise they're already following and didn't ask for. and if I find that hey! something here is wrong! I then consult friends on what to do and how to approach the situation. like idk...

People will rb videos of distressed wild animals in situations filmed to look cute with 0 comment, and then turn around and criticize people for shaving their cat and assuming the worst

I'm a little high and think I'm just ranting and repeating a lot of what you just said anon jdkdhej I just get frustrated sometimes and it's difficult not to feel very judged, but ik that the only opinions that matter when it comes to my animals are mine and my vets

but god please just.... put some effort in to doing at least a little reaserch before jumping to conclusions about literally anything ever

sorry for any typos I'm dyslexic and I'm not proof reading this 🫶

[dootznbootz]

I just wanted to say your Penelope/odypen content is so comforting to me. Especially when I see really bad Epic/the Odyssey takes. Just today I saw someone say that Penelope was Odysseus’s second choice after Helen and it made me SO MAD!! Like not only is it devaluing their connection (as if there isn’t an entire word made to describe it) but saying that Helen was “out of Odysseus’s league” feels insulting to both? Like not only is Odysseus not enough but Penelope is also the lesser of two options. As if she couldn’t be amazing on her own. I love your takes and how they’re both equals in the relationship. Penelope isn’t just some prize Odysseus comes home too.

Sorry for the rant, but I really love your content!

AAAA thank you so much 😭 I'm so honored that you find my silly goobers comforting!!! 🥹

And I totally get what you mean with like, bad takes!!! ;~; Like folks getting all weird with Odysseus wanting Helen first and/or HELEN wanting Odysseus first (as though Helen didn't see that big, autistic, blond man with big, brown eyes and didn't immediately think "MINE!" Childhood friend like in my stuff or not)

I've seen folks try to say that Odysseus made the olive tree bed with HELEN in mind which...No. Olives are Athena's thing and Athena watches over BOTH Penelope and Odysseus. Why would he do that for Helen??? Like, in my stuff I have it where it's like 3-4 months between the Oath of Tyndareus and Odysseus asking for Penelope's and the race with Icarius, so Odysseus was on Ithaca carving it for Penelope during that time for her. (Icarius being snarky as well to be like "hey, I'll even let you get some practice time.")

Like, Helen IS wonderful. She's my silly, sparky girl. <3 but yeah, My guy is ace/demi and didn't feel anything with Helen in that way. (Helen has an "aura" about her but Odysseus didn't feel it romantically/sexually. They're friends. He just thought "waow. O_O You're cool/have freaky eyes...Anyways~ Could you be my wingwoman for Penelope? Please?")

[starrieangel]

(Sorry if this is a little awkward i’ve haven’t interacted with this blog before lol)

I saw your post abt post rescue curly hcs and if youre willing to write them please know someone is willing to read them ❤️‍🩹

Most of the rescued curly fics i’ve seen have him be married to the reader before the tulpar the world needs more fluff fics of him finding love again and going on his first dates after recovery!!!

omg yes !! I will def start writing down my day dreams of going on a first date with post Curly hahaha ♡♡ Like I'm really interested in writing a reader who loves him not in spite of his appearance but loving the way he looks just as much as you love who he is as a person. And also how a relationship would look where one has mobility and speech aids, I feel like I've never read a romance or fic that involves those sort of things so I'd be interested in reading (in this case writing) a romance story that acknowledges one of the parties disabilities..!!

Im also interested in writing a reader who meets him shortly after being rescued and learns how to best communicate with him and help care for his needs, and supports him as he learns to move and walk for himself again. (not necessarily being his caretaker, altho you could be, but even just like being his first friend after rescue and eventually falling in love eehehe) Like I think that would be a really strong bond between the two of you because you would have a bond that often doesn't even need words, plus seeing the most tender and vulnerable sides in eachother, I feel like that could cause anyone to fall in love!! I just really love Curly's character aaaa!

Thank you for sending this ask anon! It gave me a lot of encouragement, and I agree that too many fics come with the fact you are Curly's wife on the tulpar or that you were dating before the crash. Like I would still date Curly if I only saw him post crash, I just love his personality in game and I actually really like how he looks both before and after. Like I said, I will definitely start writing down all of my thoughts abt post Curly first dates, the fandom needs them..!!!

[thegreatyin]

this nemesis ambition started out a little slow but I am getting closer to finding that bastard who killed my wife, and I’ll not rest a minute now that im far closer to on his trail

sorry got in character for a second

Anyways fun ambition so far very fucked up though

congratulations on joining the murder club anon!!!! depending on who you ask the name refers to either people who have murdered or people who have witnessed murder. usually both. actually extremely often both. it's a swell time you'll feel right at home (don't mind our collective skyglass knife collection in the back)

[baldandgay]

It's very unfair that I can't have other party members romance each other In my main game where my Tav is in a romance with Karlach I should legally be allowed to have Gale and Astarion and Shadowheart and Lae'zel romance each other like why? let me do it damn it

[yujeong]

back again because another prompt came to me: I love the idea of vegas making pete confront his "nonpersonhood" by either fucking in front of a mirror, or vegas making pete verbalize every little thing he wants vegas to do. very much forcing pete to be present and say what he wants and needs. (in a healthy way)

Hello anon! My sincere apologies for not having answered this in so long, but I didn't have the proper brainworms for it. Also, apologies for answering the second one you sent me first, but I got inspired for this prompt today, so I decided to work on it. Hope you enjoy ❤️ CW: Bondage, Handjob ----------------------------------------------------------------------- There's a man in the mirror. Pete doesn't recognize him. He's tied up—wrists bound by rope, legs spread out on the large bed he and Vegas sleep in every night. His hair is a mess. His cheeks are flushed and his mouth is hanging open. His chest is heaving. He's completely naked; his cock is leaking precum on his stomach. The man in the mirror looks aroused, but uncomfortable. Lost. Out of his depth. But why? He's been in this situation plenty of times before. The position, the anticipation, the ache, it all feels familiar, and yet... "Pete." Vegas is standing next to the bed, his voice syrupy sweet. Pete turns to look at him. A good distraction; he tries to reach him, to lean closer for a kiss. Vegas grabs his face before he does. "No," he says, his smile replaced by a frown. "Not until you look." There's a man in the mirror. Pete doesn't know who he is. His breathing has grown heavier. He looks flustered; his bangs are glued on his forehead, sweat travels down his neck. He barely moves as he's stuck there, staring at someone who seems familiar, but isn't. He shouldn't be. "Look at you," Vegas whispers in Pete's ear. Pete can't understand what he means, but a shiver travels down his spine regardless. And then Vegas licks Pete's earlobe and it feels like a punch to the gut. His body reacts on its own, his voice too. It sounds like a moan, but Pete is too out of it to hear. His eyes are stuck on the man in the mirror, on the horror crossing his expression, on the realization that renders him breathless and aching. He probably started crying at some point, because Vegas is suddenly shushing him and caressing his hair and kissing him everywhere. It feels horrible. Pete hasn't felt this good in ages. Vegas doesn't waste any more time after that. He uses his hand to make Pete come and it feels exhilarating and like Pete is going to die, but he doesn't. A scream escapes his lips when the orgasm comes. It surprises him; it's never happened before. He calms down eventually. Vegas is there to take care of him, to remind him. He was staring at his reflection the entire time.

[stormyoceans]

How strange is it that… PhumPheem gave me nothing and ArcArm has me rolling like a teenager girl lol

SFJKSGKDFJKSGD SORRY THIS IS JUST SO FUNNY TO ME

but it's also very interesting!!!!!! im always incredibly fascinated by how the same piece of media can bring different feelings to different people, how the same pairing can resonate with someone and hit all the right spots for them while giving no emotional response to someone else at the same time. not to sound pretentious, but i love how complex we are as human beings with our own unique tastes!!!!!

i can't quite explain why arcarm isn't really doing it for me tbh, especially since i do like the tropes they're based on and i actually enjoy forcebook more than pondphuwin as a whole, so it's not even about having some sort of bias towards to actors, but yeah. idk. maybe it's because im having a hard time connecting with arc. i mean i understand that he is an 'actions speak louder than words' kinda guy, but i just like him so much more when he is open and clear with arm instead of playing games with him. like my favorite scene this episode was the last one when they talked about the gear and arc told arm he wanted to continue flirting with him for a little bit longer, because it was a perfect balance between teasing (arc listening to arm's heart) and sincerity (arc admitting he is flirting). unfortunately most of the times he is not as transparent and that doesn't work with someone as clueless as arm so he just comes off as..infuriating ;;;;;;;

ANYWAY. sorry for the rambling ;;;;;;; im really happy you're enjoying them!!!!!! and who knows, maybe in future episodes i will start liking them more too!!!!!!

[theoryandahalf]

as much as I love ash gtlive will not work if it’s not at least 2 ppl on it as the conversational and theorizing craziness is what makes it gtlive. so if matpat leaves i wonder if the theorists will take turns on gtlive? or even just space out uploads? ppl talk about forgotten middle child film theory but gtlive is just the skeleton on the bottom of the ocean flor lmao

OMG. Do I get to talk about my Theorist conspiracy theories now?! YESS!! STRAP IN FRIENDS.

So I agree with you anon, I think its very tricky to replace Matt on GT Live, that's why they didn't transition him off at the same time as the other channels. Personally, I think Matt's still on GT Live for three main reasons.

1.Failsafe. If they misjudged the transition and watch time dropped off dramatically, they had Matt still existing in the Theorist ecosystem and could use GT Live footage more frequently (see Tom's Kintopet episode for an example). I don't think they'd ever bring him back as host, but they're not stupid and they probably wanted to keep him around just in case.

2. Nostalgia. GT Live is special for Matt as its really the livestream that catapulted him into his big Youtuber status. I think Youtuber Kamermoon says it really nicely in their video "How Game Theory Survived the Hate"; the live channel was Matt's way of rehabilitating his reputation (and the reputation of gamers in the wake of Gamergate) by showing everyone he's a normal-ish likable dude. So he might be loathed to leave it because it has a lot of his emotions tied to it, and because it also requires slightly less work from him (by slightly i mean its still a huge commitment, Matthew please take a nap).

3. Profitability. I think a lot of older brands or brands that are frequent on the channel are reassured by Matt being the one to represent their products. I did wonder going in if the ad reads would be changed with the new hosts and overall there hasn't been as much #spon on the other channels. But you know which channel has had the uptick in sponsors? GT Live. So far we got at least three recently sponsored episodes on a channel that used to rarely get them. I think its because its Matt and the advertisers want him. He's well known in the industry, popular and safe. They don't know the new hosts. Thus I think Matt's kinda stuck on GT Live for a little while just until the advertisers adjust to the new normal and they have proof that the channels aren't tanking with Matt's departure.

So what does that mean going forward? Food Theory and Style Theory have lower views with Santi and Amy right now, and I think that's understandable. Those are the channels where Matt did the most live action so its the most jarring to have him missing.

(Sidenote thats also probably why there's more ads on gt live, sorry guys we have to live with them for a while)

What I think is going to happen is that over the summer you're going to see Santi and Amy on the couch with Matt much more frequently. Lee as well, but mostly because he lives down the street and he's an easy pull. I think they're going to try to slowly transition the audience to them so that they will share the live channel (Amy mentioned Theorist is looking to buy a studio space and I think that will allow Santi and Amy to film "Live" content from the west coast). I think its going to be much slower than the fast(ish) transition we had before for the above three reasons. But I'm fairly positive Matt will leave at the end of the summer (its rare that this man does not do what he says he will) and we will have a steady rotation of the various channels doing livestreams or lets plays, with Ash either running or organizing their schedules (basically serving as a mini Jason).

I also think there was always a plan for Tom to move to North Carolina because he has hinted many, many times that he wants to move to the United States and likes NC. It makes logical sense to move to where Matt lives since he's running the flagship channel and has to take over his boss' many industry contacts. The only thing that would stop him is that immigration is a bit of a mess right now in the US. I guess they stopped issuing as many work visas during the Trump administration and they haven't really recovered? Honestly I'm not 100% sure the exact story there, I just know its hard to move out here so they might have to wait a while before Tom could take over for Matt. If he eventually makes it stateside, then he can film live content with Lee as the "east coast" branch of Theorist, probably in Matt and Steph's house, until they truly give up and kick everyone out.

TL;DR...I agree that Ash will not be the solo host for GT Live for fiscal reasons (I'm also not 100% sure they want the role? Hard to say) and it might take a while for Theorist to get everyone in place for Matt's last departure. It will happen, just not right now.

[rubysundaey]

Probably won’t be posting oc art here that often anymore, after getting that anon ask I just feel super uncomfy doing so. I hope you guys are okay with that 👍 to clarify I am fine I just. Don’t feel safe posting my ocs here. Stay safe and take care of yourselves everyone :D

[xxplastic-cubexx]

what is your favorite thing about charles and your favorite thing about erik? separately, as in what you like most about their characters :]

a devious question this one is, my friend!!! it's hard enough for me to explain my thoughts cohesively, but having to pick ONE thing i particularly love is difficult. with characters like charles and erik, theres been so much done with their characters over the decades and so they have so many components to them that make them so interesting and fun to observe. BUT I TRY FOR YOU TODAY. under the cut i kinda ramble and the size of this text box makin me anxious

i think if i were to be simple and broad, what i enjoy most about charles is his determination to help others, even if he isn't really thanked and/or if people don't even like him. ofc, this isn't to say he hasn't done wrong- to be honest, the fact he does wrong/questionable things at times is another aspect of him i really enjoy, maybe because- broadly speaking- he's meant to be altruistic (intent vs outcome and all that). i don't know if that's super exciting to most people, but it is for me

as for erik, my reason for liking him is easier to explain tbh. To Be Simple And Broad, his progression from villain to antihero over the decades has been fun to observe (as much as i have so far anyhow) and analyze. i think to be a bit more specific, him using his rage and pain as justifications for his villainous actions is definitely what compels me the most: hurt people hurt and the sort, an idea i've always found interesting (something something vicious cycles and the like). yet now, he recognizes this wasn't really. A Just Thing To Do and is beginning to change that, which i enjoy

[javierduffy]

After they've been together for a while and Kieran's come out of his shell a bit (esp around the rest of the gang) for some reason I can imagine him just being like. Very forward. Not outright flirty but he loves Javier SO MUCH he's practically vibrating with it. It's spilling from his mouth every time he talks w/ him. Not right out of the gate, though. He starts with small comments in the morning. A compliment here, a cheesy line there. But by the end of the day if you listen closely you can hear an increasing amount of stutters from Javirr's guitar and Kieran knows he's got him when he looks away he's so flustered and the whole time Kieran's just blinking innocently and grinning like mad he's so in love UGH. If he does not kiss his bf breathless within the next 10 seconds he WILL explode

NOOO I AGREE COMPLETELYYYYY YOU GET ME YOU UNDERSTAND !!! kieran, as shy (if you want to call keeping your mouth shut to spare yourself the trouble of getting shot in the head “shy”) and awkward as he is, speaks his mind and is willing to be quite verbal about what he’s thinking ! i listened to his ambient voice lines the other day and he really is very vocal when he doesn’t feel that being the alternative would jeopardize his wellbeing, and i think the reason people don’t notice is because when he’s challenged, he’s often willing to fold on his perspective, mostly just to preserve his own safety because of his audience. i mean, he literally FORCED the vdl’s to take him in, and he often bows up at arthur and will challenge/confront him (because he’s most familiar with him). plus, he’s very openly complimentary towards mary-beth, even as early as horse-shoe. kieran duffy has little to no problems with speaking if you really listen !

so absolutely yes he does say what’s on his mind even and especially when it comes to javier. hell, i believe that kieran complimented him even before they got together, before javier even liked him (or acted like it, at least). he’s just a lover at heart ! i think that would be one of the reasons that javier becomes less hostile towards kieran to begin with- because kieran is so gentle with everyone, and initially, javier is always shocked when he isn’t the exception, even when he generally avoids him or even treats him outright poorly. kieran’s gentility isn’t a survival skill, it’s an innate part of who he is. so even before he’s especially comfortable with javier, on rare occasion, kieran would say a “you look nice today, mister !” or a “you’ve got that knife looking mighty spiffy, would love something like that for myself some day.” before he can really even think about it. it always pissed javier off, of course, because ‘that stupid pretty, sweet, charming, handsome bastard of an o’driscoll has no right to even look at him, nonetheless like him or anything he does ! and it certainly didn’t feel good to hear him say it !’.

but when they get together, kieran’s compliments change- not only because javi now knows that he means them from a full homo place, but because kieran is now able to say things that have been on his mind for months. when they’re away from camp, kieran swoons and fawns and waxes poetry as best his awkward and mildly educated self can. i really believe that it takes him no time at all (i say this, i mean a month or so) to work up to jumping into sharing his adoration when they’re alone, because when javier finally chose him back, kieran got his permission to love him, and he’d been waiting on that for ages. kieran duffy has been starving for love for all 23 years of his life, and he’s got such a craving for it that it makes him the best cook in the world because then every crumb matters. being a lover with no one to love has left kieran with a keenly honed sense of adoration- a natural skill he has sharpened to a perfect point in all of his quiet isolation. javier practically drowns in it once he’s exposed to the full capacity of it. you’re absolutely right that it isn’t too long before kieran has javier wrapped perfectly, lovingly, obediently around his finger. when kieran sits politely on the bedroll next to his beautiful musician as he plays for his usual crowd of outlaws, when he peers over at him through long brunette lashes, when javier can feel his gaze on his fingers as they pluck the strings (and some rare nights, javier knows exactly what kinds of thoughts are in kieran’s mind, which only flusters him further. especially when kieran feigns innocence if ever accused of lust, all the way up until they’re alone, in which he’s quite happy to share imagery from his vivid imagination.). usually, though, kieran wants nothing more out of it than to let javier know just how much he adores him, how pretty he thinks he is, how perfect his voice is, how every little thing about him drives kieran crazy- and it’s out of lack of recent exposure that javier’s tolerance for it all is so low. that’s what he tells himself, anyway. kieran may not be a poet, but he’s sure honest, and sometimes, that hits harder than elegant prose.

i do so love the thought of a flustered javier, especially when he’s the one who is supposedly the “romantic” of the two. man can dish it out but he can’t take it </3 kieran sparingly shares touches with him throughout the day as well, placing a hand on the back of javier’s collar when he’s leaning over his shoulder to peer at whatever javier is intending to show him (a map for a small job he’s planning, an upgrade on his revolver or knife, the poison throwing knives he’s gingerly handling as he explains to kieran how to coat them evenly for a quicker kill), hooking a finger into the waistband of javier’s pants or his suspenders as they smoke alone early in the morning by the scout campfire, touches the tips of their boots together as they both work their separate chores of cleaning saddles and sharpening knives. kieran says i love you throughout the day in a million different ways. like you said, he’s practically vibrating with it. by the end of the day, after kieran’s shared with javi how his eyes look like the perfect cup of coffee in the sun, how he’s real purdy first thing in the morning, how he missed him the other day while he was out on a job, all the while burning holes into javier’s skin with every little touch he sneaks in when they’re on the same side of camp, javier is a puddle on the ground. he’s anxiously fiddling with his guitar before playing and missing notes when he does, desperately cleaning his boots and hat more to soothe his hot gut, and taking solo fishing trips to either verbally rant his feelings out loud in spanish or rub one out because kieran is driving him absolutely insane, and they’ve not been together quite long enough for javier to justify dragging him out of camp every single day to get some privacy and/or blow off some steam (in more ways than one, depending on the day).

the longer they’re together, the more brazen he gets, absolutely. placing a hand on javier’s shoulder while he sits next to him at the campfire with other gang members, tucking javi’s hair behind his ear when it’s down and they’re chatting late at night, saying “oh, i do love you.”, “yes, sweetheart?”, “javier, my dear-“ in front of some other gang members while they’re talking or addressing each other, and it simply turns javier’s brain off. to be bravely loved is such a privilege and it almost sends a shiver down his spine every time kieran does it. to kieran, it’s almost like he can’t even help it, doesn’t even really think about it too much after a while. sure, he’s anxious at first, especially with how javier will react since he’s essentially constantly around his tough-love family who will absolutely mock him for it if he lets them, but seeing javier get so flustered because of how little he expected kieran to be so bold, it’s addicting. immensely. plus, kieran knows javier may not come back to him every time he leaves camp, and he’s lost enough in his lifetime to regret not loving javier to his full capacity. it won’t get them hurt, so he’s happy to be brave, because he’ll know that if either of them die, they will die having loved and been loved at 100%. now, he doesn’t think too hard about any of that. really, kieran just can’t help but love javier- can’t help but want to tell him that he’s the most beautiful person he’d ever met, tell him how much he matters to him, tell him how special his heart is, show him how much he loves him, indelibly, intricately, with every fiber of his being. if i don’t kiss him breathless within the next 10 seconds, i will die. he thinks after a long day of small touches and meager compliments, after a long day of javier tripping over his boots and unsatisfactorily twanging his guitar strings once or twice that evening nonetheless. and he says “if i dont kiss you within the next ten seconds, i will die.” and javier pauses, freezes, shocked, trapped in green eyes as the scout campfire lazily licks dances of light and shadows across their wrinkles and scars and features. and javier says, “well then, come here. you are too young to die.” as his heart beats louder in his chest than it ever has in a gunfight.

umm i think i got off topic but yes :3 i agree :3 kieran can be quite forward, even canonically ! they’re both loverboys in their own ways and equally as hungry for the others’ taste (figuratively and literally). sorry for the yap sesh ! thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me !!!!!!! i love thinking about them waygh ;__; i could talk about them all day

[misc-obeyme]

We need a character customization option in the game, seriously, it's a bit offensive to me to not be able to get my character designed.

Ok, I understand the artists' fandom out there who can do it, but what about those who aren't talented like that? Even if I asked my artist friend to draw my MC for me, it probably wouldn't work since I can't just keep asking them every day for my fanart or whatever. seriously, I think we should let the dev's know about this issue.

Well, it would be nice to have a character maker in the game. I love that kinda thing, let me design a lil cutie because I can't draw one myself!

Buuuut it'd take a LOT of work to add something like that to the game and at this point, I don't wanna add anything to their list. I mean, look how long it's taking for us to be able to date the three newbies! I just don't trust them not to take forever. Plus can you imagine if they decided to do it 3D model style? I can handle those for the little short WW situations, but much more than that and I'd be like this is not worth it lol.

However, I totally agree that it would be a nice feature to have! One can always commission artists to draw their MCs but man if I don't get nervous thinking about doing that... I do have one amazing art piece of my MC (you can see it in their profile~) because the artist was kind enough to offer to draw them for me (I basically lost my mind over it too lol).

Anyway, your desire is totally valid and I too would love such an option! For now, though, I fear picrews shall have to suffice~

[ruelpsen]

If I had to choose between cutting off my hand and redoing grad school apps, I'd seriously consider the hand. Be gentle with yourself, it's a fucking slog. What kind of program are you looking into?

Thank you for the reminder to be gentle. This shit has been stressful, and having for various reasons only about a month and a half to actually do focused work on applying has SUCKED. Not looking forward to potentially having to do this again in the future (it's complicated but I'll explain why in a sec), but I am SO looking forward to two weeks from now when these applications are in and it's out of my hands, as much as the waiting game itself sucks in its own way.

As for programs, I don't want to get too specific. I was a double major in undergrad, and I'm not exaggerating when I say I've literally never met anyone else with those two specific majors. (Ftr one is a STEM field and the other in the humanities.) I want to keep studying both in some capacity in the future, but to make a long story short I'm stuck in a position where I have to hold off on applying to the program in the humanities for now.

As annoyed as I am about the 'long story' part of that, I'm totally fine with prioritizing the program in STEM for now. Hell, in some ways that's a good thing given the limited amount of time I have to work on applications. But at the same time, I've greatly limited the number of schools I'm applying to so I can focus on creating well-tailored applications for their specific programs and faculty, and that means each potential rejection would leave me with a far smaller share of options. It's a bit of a risk, but damn it I'm trying my best to show how strong of a student I've been and that I would work well with their specific people. Hopefully things work out in the end.

I hope your own efforts have paid off too, wherever life has taken you.

[appreciatingtokrev]

hey guys do y’all remrmber me ..... i am alive and doing well 👍👍