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throughparisallthroughrome · 1 month ago

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"Got the Blues Back in Boston"

Chapter 1

Pairing: Modern!Anakin Skywalker x Reader

Description: Leaving behind an incompatible college and profound heartbreak on the Virginia Coast, you find yourself home again in Brookline, Massachusetts. A new opportunity presents itself to you at MIT, joining your brother ben and childhood friends/neighbors, Anakin and Ahsoka. Despite the familiarity, you discover just how much of a difference 2 years away can really make between the people you once considered family.

Warnings:f!reader, angst, jealousy, pining, smut, masturbation, mentions/descriptions of domestic abuse, cursing, drinking/drug usage, academic obsession, general obsession, hardcore partying, frats, general college bullshit

DISCLAIMER!!! READ BEFORE PROCEEDING: I’ve never been in an abusive relationship- I’ve only witnessed them. I’m an aspiring psychology major and have done a lot of research on the topic of domestic abuse/violence. This series deals with this topic HEAVILY, so be warned.

Word Count: 6.3k A/N: First chapter is up! I'm sorry it took so long, I was really hoping to nail a certain feel and aesthetic with this series, and I really hope that translates. I'm probably gonna post the playlist I listen to while writing this because it does have a lot of influence on the story and everything. Please let me know if you wish to be tagged! Requests and ask box is open, and any/all criticism is welcome! Thank you for reading and supporting me <3

masterlist.

The drive to Brookline was always a hassle. Whether it was crossing the scary bridge along the coast of Virginia or through New York City—knowing that you’d still never been—it always ached. Maybe it was because you hadn’t been home in two years—and you missed Boston.

Piled high in the back of your black Ford Focus was the last two years of your life that you could fit. You left behind everything else.

The forest that encompassed you on I-95 offered a clearer perspective on your situation. As devastating as it had been, your new beginning after high school was not quite what you expected it to be. Hampton was a lovely place; the beaches were excellent, the people friendly, and there was always something to do. Somewhere to go. You made decent money working as a cocktail waitress in a club near your apartment, which is how you met Nick.

Tall, with a handsome face and a charm that was impossible to resist, Nick was the kind of man you couldn't help but be drawn to. He had a gorgeous smile and a body sculpted from the gods. The night you met him, he smooth-talked his way into your bed, introducing himself as Nicholas, saying how he never met someone as beautiful as you. The other waitresses just didn’t compare. And the rest was history. Were you usually the type to sleep with someone on the first date (if you could call it that)? Definitely not. But something about him was so captivating.

But as the trees passed you by and your grip on your steering wheel tightened, you felt a tear fall onto your shaking hands. What happened to the Nick you loved? What went wrong? Who did you both turn into? Besides, the whole thing going south was your fault- you both knew that. You wanted too much; you let those men flirt, and you were never there for him. You never did what he asked. And you’d never amount to anything. At least, that’s what Nick always told you- and part of you was inclined to believe it.

Your heart ached at the loss. The 11-hour drive was increasingly painful by the second, only two hours in and not even through the first city. The morning sun beamed in your eye as your car trudged through the wetlands, bathed in its golden hue.1 In the distance, you could make out the skyline of DC, the first city you needed to travel through.

It was nice in DC. You had attended a few times in the past. On one of the many family vacations you took throughout the years, you, your parents, and the Skywalkers had all made a trip together to that specific destination. You intentionally took the longer way home to ensure you remember it all. Besides, the Delaware Peninsula was far from interesting. And you needed the time to think- and probably mentally prepare yourself for what you’d arrive at.

The most exciting part of the trip was Baltimore, Philly, and NYC back to back. Despite sitting in mind-numbing traffic a lot of times, there was always something to look at. And people-watching was always your favorite. You felt your heart hurt, wishing for the opportunities that these cities could bring. As New York City and Hartford disappeared in the rearview mirror, the approaching Boston skyline sent a shiver down your spine, your breath catching in your throat. And there was the traffic.

You shakily reached for a cigarette out of your purse as your car came to a stop, breaking your own promise that you wouldn’t smoke in the car you bought. A wide smile spread across your face as you lit the cigarette, your body relaxing as the sweet scent filled the air. Naturally, your mind went straight to Anakin. Whenever you tasted cigarettes, it was impossible not to think of him and the bittersweet moments you shared. After all, he started your bad habit. Once again, your hands shook. Did he ever think about you while you were gone? You were close, but he was also an incredible pain in your ass. And what if he and Padme suddenly got back together? Ahsoka would have told you, right? Maybe.

She would have told you.

The familiar streets of Brookline outstretched before you, energetic and alive, instantly flooding your mind with cheerful memories that brought a grin to your face. Your smile widened across your face as you glanced at the familiar sports bar on the corner, reminiscing about the laughter and friendships you developed during your time as a hostess in high school. You turned the corner at the next light, a quiet laugh escaping your lips as the vibrant lights of the movie theater danced before your eyes, eliciting the sweet nostalgia of your god-awful first kiss. You weren’t expecting little Tommy to stick his tongue down your throat in 7th grade. As you approached Emerson Garden, a bittersweet ache tugged at your heart, memories of laughter and familiarity flooding your mind—the memories it held.

The streetlights flickered as you turned down the most familiar road of all. You bit your lip in anticipation and ignored the urge to light another cigarette right then and there- your mom didn’t need to know about your filthy habit (although she smoked, too). The soft melodies of Radiohead and the laughter echoed from the back porch as you parked in the driveway. Gazing at the house with a smile, you felt a hint of excitement about reclaiming your old room. It had been far too long.

The porch light turned on, and out ran Ahsoka, not even giving you a chance to turn your car off.

“You motherfucker!” She yelled, opening the car door and throwing her arms around you as you laughed, “It’s been so fucking long!”

You looked back at her, pulling the beanie off her head and giggling, “Well, don’t tell the others, but I only came back for you.”

“Shut up,” she stands up, pulling you up with her, “Get your ass inside.” You laugh and salute her, following her through the familiar corridors of your house and into the kitchen.

“Shut the FUCK up. She’s real!” Your mom squealed and quickly set her wine down, embracing you as if you’d be gone in an instant. “Never leave me like that again.” She pulls away and laughs, her tone laced with a hint of seriousness.

“Never.” You promised, smiling wide before your dad caught your attention, tossing you a beer and shooting a wink in your direction. Although he wasn't typically sentimental, you could tell he missed you.

“Where are the boys?” you asked, opening the can and drinking the bitter liquid. “Jesus Christ, Miller Lite never gets better, does it?” You squinted your eyes in disgust, giggling at your own reaction.

“Nope, thought I taught you better than that.” He wraps an arm around your shoulders, kissing the top of your head. “They’re outside with Cliegg and Shmi.”

“Okay, sweet, I’ll go say hello.” You motion towards the back door, catching a glimpse of Ben from the back porch.

“Hey,” He grabs your arm before you can turn to leave. “We missed you. I hope you’re okay. Ahsoka didn’t give us any details, but she said things really went to shit in Hampton. I just want to make sure you know you always have a home here, and we will do what we can to make it better, okay?”

You nodded and smiled before practically running out the back door, forgetting exactly what you were throwing yourself into.

“You fucker, you cheated!” Anakin yells, throwing down his cards as Ben takes a swig of his beer and laughs.

“I’m afraid you just have an awful poker face, Anakin.” He sets his cards down and stands up, turning to face you with a smile. “There she is. About time you graced us with your presence.”

You give a shrug before embracing Ben tightly, fighting back tears welling up in your eyes. You and Ben were close, and you knew that if he found out what happened, it would devastate him. He and Anakin were always there to keep you safe, but you had a distinct sibling connection. He knew you too well, always able to read your thoughts with uncanny accuracy.

“You okay?” He pulled away and whispered, searching your sad eyes.

“Yeah, just tired. Long ass drive. Took the long way this time.” You sniffled, and he nodded in response, letting go and pulling a chair out between Anakin and what you assumed was Ahsoka’s chair. With a quiet thank you on your lips, you raised your beer to your mouth and took a long, satisfying gulp, feeling a gentle buzz settle in.

“So, you’re back.” Anakin avoids eye contact, shuffling the cards before him as Ahsoka stifles a laugh. “Took you long enough.”

“Anakin!” Shmi scolds, noticing how his lips turn into a smirk, “You know he missed you, Y/N. He’s just a sore loser. Ben’s kicked his ass at poker three times now.”

“Ah,” You nod, a grin spreading across your face, “He just doesn’t want to admit he sucks at poker- OW!” You feel a sudden impact as Anakin's foot forcefully meets the top of yours, causing you to shoot a glare in his direction. His eyes remain fixed on the cards, completely disregarding your look, while he bites down on his lip, trying to contain his amusement. "Sore loser indeed," you mutter under her breath, shaking her head in annoyance as you pick up the cards he handed you.

Of course, the hand was awful. You weren’t sure how you’d make it out of this alive. Family poker nights were a tradition started by your parents and the Skywalkers, which you were all quickly introduced to by your 10th birthday. Once you hit double digits, you were old enough to gamble. Ahsoka was always the best, but you had a habit of making a comeback when people least expected it. And you had a great poker face- Anakin did not. Anakin had a habit of wearing every thought and emotion on his sleeve his entire life. Shmi always swore it would be his downfall- as a child, you thought she was just talking about his downfall at poker. But once you got older, you quickly understood.

When you discovered his breakup with Padme, you felt like maybe part of you understood. But you never really knew why they broke up. Everyone just told you, “They were better off as friends,” and that was all you knew. Did you want the real story? Absolutely. But part of you was worried about what he’d tell you. You knew better than to get involved in Anakin’s love life, and deep down, a part of you didn’t want to taint the image you had always had of him in your mind.

“Heard you finally got into MIT,” Anakin breaks the silence and your train of thought as he pushes a couple of chips into the center of the table, “Congratulations, although I’ve never heard of anyone going to MIT for an Archeology degree.” You roll your eyes and sigh.

“There it is.” You giggle as everyone groans, setting their cards down as they fold.

“There’s what?” He shoots you a disapproving glare.

“You’ve never given me a compliment without an insult. Was waiting for it.” You shrug, laying down your cards, “Full house.” Anakin’s jaw drops as you pull all the chips in your direction.

“Shit,” He mutters, setting his cards down and laying his head on the table as he groans loudly in annoyance, “Fucking done with this game.”

“And so are we,” Shmi motions Cliegg to stand, “Love you guys. Have fun. Good to have you back, sweetheart.” Shmi kisses your head as Cliegg ruffles your hair before leaving to say goodnight to your parents.

“Mhm,” you hum, finishing the last of your beer, “and plenty of people go to MIT for archeology. It’s a great school. Besides, it’s about time I joined you all there. And it’s only a 15-minute drive. Speaking of- how’s biochemical engineering going, little one?” With a gentle tap on Ahsoka's knee, she reluctantly tears her gaze away from her phone and responds with an eye roll.

“Fucking awful! I love what I’m studying; the school is incredible- just so much work. I’m so tired. I have time for nothing!” She groans and sinks further into her chair while you, Anakin, and Ben burst into uncontrollable laughter.

“Coming from a recent MIT graduate- it doesn’t get any better. Just wait until you get further into your major- Biochemical Engineering is far from easy.” Ben offers her a smile while you and Anakin continue giggling.

“And on that note,” You stand up, shaking your empty can, “I’m getting something stronger than this Miller.”

As you enter the house, a soft purr fills the air as your familiar furry companion, Giz, wraps himself around your legs. You squat down on the floor and feel the warmth of his fur as you pet him, "Missed you, little guy."

“He missed you too.” Your mom leans against the doorway, handing you an obnoxiously full glass of wine. “Had a feeling you came in for this. Are we gonna talk about what happened?”

You sigh, standing up and rubbing your hands on your thighs. “Now’s not really the time or place, Mom. I just got here. The last thing I wanna think about is that.” You grab the glass out of her hand and attempt to turn around before her hand is on your shoulder, pulling you back.

“Not so fast.” You turn around and meet her concerned eyes, your hands feeling more sweaty than they did a minute ago. “Y/N, no one just up and leaves their entire life for the past two years suddenly without something major happening. I know you haven’t told anyone- and I know the last thing you want to do is talk about it- but please, for the love of God, talk to someone. We can all tell something is off. You’re not yourself, honey. We care about you- and we’re concerned. As much as I’m so fucking happy to have you back, I know something bad happened, and I want to be there for you.”

“Mom,” You put your hand on her shoulder, fighting back tears with a smile. “You’re doing enough. I just want to have a good time, focus on being in my dream school, and g-get my life back together, okay?”

“O-okay,” she nods, her voice laced with apprehension as she turns away from you and back into the kitchen, “Pasta on the stove if you want it!”

“Thanks!” you yell, shutting the back door behind you and sighing loudly as you plop back into your chair, earning an eyebrow raise from everyone, “I’m here for an hour and she’s already bugging me.”

“She just loves you, Y/N/N.” Ben tries to reason, and you feel your leg bounce.

“Yeah,” you mumble, fidgeting with the poker chips on the table.

“So,” Anakin leans forward, opening another beer, “You and that guy still together? What was his name.. Harry? James?”

“Nick.” You answer for him, unconsciously biting your lip. “And no, we’re not.” Everyone’s ears suddenly perked up at the confession, the consensus being just how little they knew about your life.

“Damn, what’d you do?” Anakin jokes, searching your face for a smile, only to be met with nothing.

“Ha. Good one.” You chuckle under your breath, your lips forming into a frown.

As soon as Anakin brought up Nick, you lost interest in the conversation. Nick never met the family; you only told them about him over the phone while you were gone. He had always insisted that your life was meant to be in Hampton with him, where you would create something new together. You didn’t need to return home to your family; if you did, you’d be leaving him all alone. Holidays and significant moments came and went, and all the while, you were stuck at a college you loathed, sharing your life with a man you mistakenly believed was the one.

During your nights in Hampton, you and Nick would often find yourselves curled up on the couch, indulging in excessive drinking while he introduced you to various illicit substances. You pretended to enjoy soccer and cocaine, drinking more tequila than you needed. Shot after shot, followed by line after line, you barely knew who you were. He constantly told you how pretty you were, how you were made for him, but if you forgot to run to the liquor store that day, he would treat you as if you were dead to him. Nick offered little in return for your support, except for empty assurances that the life you would build together would make it all worthwhile. Nick's behavior took a downward spiral as he began staying late at work and arriving home in a drunken stupor. From that point on, things spiraled out of control.

And maybe a part of you once loved Nick, but now you felt suffocated in the relationship. And when you tried to bring things up to him, he’d tell you that you were a cheap whore who was only made to be his personal fuck toy. And just like that, the conversation came to an end. The coercion left, and he started to force you to use the drugs he’d use, tell you to skip class, skip tests, skip your job- you were losing yourself within him, and you were worried about the consequences if you didn’t let it happen. He was always a kind, sweet, romantic boy- but he could be so, so evil.

And you’ll never forget the first time he hit you, the sound of his hand connecting with your skin echoing in your ears. As you sat on the counter, the alcohol made your vision blur, and your head throbbed as if it was about to explode. You were already at your limit, and the last thing you wanted was to do was another line. Your nose was already starting to bleed a little, and he begged and begged for you to keep going- telling you he needed it. He didn’t want to do it alone- you had to do it. As you stubbornly declined once more, a sudden, fiery sting seared across your cheek, causing your nose to finally bleed and droplets of blood to stain your thigh. He apologized profusely, waiting on you hand and foot as he cleaned you up, held your hair as you puked, washed you, and still talked you into sex- but it had happened. You knew you needed to leave, or your life could be at stake.

“Y/N?” Ben asks, and you break out of your Nick-induced trance with a sharp gasp, your eyes glossy and lips bloody from your nervous tic.

“I’ll be back.” You stand back up, taking a concerningly long swig from the wine before exiting out the back gate and into the driveway.

“I’m really concerned about her.” Ben watches you leave and bites his lip. Ahsoka nods along with him. “Listen, as happy as I am to have her back, something’s not right. As her brother, I just- I fear the worst. She’s not herself.”

“Did you see the way she reacted when you asked about Nick?” Ahsoka whispered, leaning in to closer to the table, “Something had to have happened.”

“Wait.” Anakin says, as he and Ben both turn to face her, their brows furrowed in confusion and concern, “Ahsoka, you don’t know anything either? She’s your best friend.”

“I- I know nothing. And I hate it.” She confesses to the boys, the air growing thick as Anakin uncomfortably shifts in his seat, and Ben sighs.

“I think I’m gonna try to talk to her.” Anakin stands slowly as Ben raises a brow and leans back in his chair, closing his eyes.

“Anakin, no offense, but I doubt she’ll want to talk to you,” Ahsoka murmured, avoiding his scowl.

“Well,” he pushes the chair behind him, walking towards the gate. “We’ll see!”

Curled up in the Papasan chair on the porch, you lit the joint between your fingers and watched as the lights in your neighbor's windows turned off. Your thoughts drifted from Nick and onto the childhood you missed dearly—so many snowball fights on the street before you, bike rides, and scraped knees. You remember the Johnsons across the street particularly not liking Anakin, so you and Ahsoka egged their house, only to backfire and get Anakin in trouble. You confessed to doing it, and no one believed you. It had to be Anakin. But for some strange reason, he never cared. He accepted the punishment, mowed their yard for a year, and never brought it up to you, no matter how many times you apologized. And every apology that slipped from between your lips was met with a grin.

And that time in 7th grade when Ahsoka really got into it with Julie down the street. She never liked Ahsoka and always found a way to get under her skin. However, this time was particularly awful. When you found Ahsoka, she was sobbing on the corner while Julie laughed at her, calling her pathetic, telling her that even her adopted parents didn’t love her and that her big brother wasn’t there to save her now. But you were. You pushed Julie onto the grass so fucking hard, only for her to get back up and swing. Ahsoka screamed for you to stop, but a newfound rage took over as you pounded into Julie’s face. She ended up on the pavement with a broken nose, and you ended the fight with a fractured wrist and grounded for a month (Only a month because your mom found out who you fought and what she said). Anakin was waiting for Ben to return from tennis and heard the commotion. He ran down the street, finding Ahsoka sobbing, Julie on the pavement, bloody and teary, and you sitting on the corner, shaking and clutching your throbbing wrist in your hand. He instantly asked Ahsoka what happened before making his way to you, holding your wrist, picking you up, and taking you and Ahsoka back to your house. Your mom called Julie’s mom and talked about what happened, and fortunately, Julie confessed to everything. And that’s when you found out her parents were going through a nasty divorce, and Julie was starting therapy. And surprisingly, she actually grew into a really decent, respectable person.

The four of you had always done everything together. You had always been inseparable. And when you left, it tore that apart. You left a hole in Brookline, and you knew it as well as they did. Even though they swore they were happy for you, moving on and doing more, you could see in their eyes that they selfishly did not want you to leave. They didn’t like the years of friendship to be put on hold just like that. And, of course, you felt guilty about it all, but you thought you needed to get out of Brookline. You assumed you wanted something bigger than Boston, bigger than you, bigger than those childhood friends. And two years later, you realize just how naïve you were. Those were your lifelong friends; your life was in Boston, and your dream school was there, too. You missed them more than you could ever envision, and the guilt ate at you every single fucking day. And you wished that 19-year-old you had just stayed. Things would be so much simpler if you had stayed. You let some pathetic man in Hampton tell you that it was just you and him- forever. And you knew deep down your 19-year-old naive self didn’t believe a fucking word he said- she just wished she did.

“Oh, that’s not a cigarette.” Your eyes flicker up from the street and towards a drunken Anakin leaning against the patio rail in front of you. His lips were curled into a mischievous smile, his hair curly and messy.

“No,” You lean forward, handing him the joint, “No, it’s not.”

“So,” He took a quick draw from the joint, flicking it against the deck railing as he looked back at you and smiled, “You just got here, and you’re already running from us? What’s up with that?”

You scoff, snatching the joint from him and leaning back in the chair.

“Just wanted some alone time, is all.” You avoid his gaze, and it’s his turn to scoff, plopping himself next to you in the chair.

“Yeah, because you’ve been so fond of that your entire life. I don’t believe you.”

“And? Never said I cared that you did.” You quickly retorted, earning an eyebrow raise and a smirk.

“Relax,” he said, snatching the joint back from you and holding it hostage. “Talk to me. It’s just us.” His hand met yours; his gaze was intense and empathetic.

You weren’t sure why you wanted to tell him. It was probably the weed mixed with a bit of liquid courage, but in that moment, you needed to get it out. He was so welcoming, holding your hand and offering you the comfort you needed in that moment. Was it pure manipulation? Possibly. But you knew Anakin loved you just as much as you loved him, and you knew you could trust him. He had kept your secrets before, so what’s another one? However, none of those other secrets typically included an abusive relationship; it was mainly about Ben and Ahsoka. You gripped his hand back, watching his eyes soften and his lips curve into a small smile.

“Just-” You started, dropping your voice into a low murmur, “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t.” He looked into your eyes like he would die to protect your secret. That was precisely what you needed to see.

“Nick- uh- sorry,” You sniffled, rubbing your eyes as you searched for the right words. “He- uh- he hurt me—a lot. I barely made it out of that relationship in one piece. I think my breaking point was when I asked him to visit for your grandma’s funeral, and he knocked me out. I woke up in my bathtub, my face covered in my blood, and he was gone. I applied to MIT that morning. The day after I got in, I packed everything I could and left. He’s blocked on everything, and he hasn’t attempted to reach out in any sort of way. Anakin- I don’t know what would have happened to me if I didn’t leave.”

Your eyes met Anakin’s glossy ones as your hands shook underneath his touch. He crooked his head to the side, bringing you in for a much-needed hug. You let yourself cry softly in his arms, feeling his shaky hands rub in slow motions up and down your back, his other hand stroking the top of your scalp.

But when he looked back at you, the softness in his gaze had disappeared. His fists clenched at his side, his eyebrows furrowed as he bit his lip in frustration.

“A-Anakin?”

“Y/N, why didn’t you tell anybody? We would’ve come to help! We could have put that piece of shit in jail by now!” He stands up abruptly, pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing deeply.

“I-I’m sorry- I-” You stutter, your mind racing as he paces before you. His eyes meet yours, and he points at you as your heartbeat accelerates.

“Y/N, I swear to god- I’m gonna kill that motherfucker. He’s fucking dead. I don’t care what hap-” He stops momentarily, cut off by your sobs from the chair. Fuck. He’s yelling at a domestic violence victim- no- he’s yelling at you. What a fucking asshole.

“HeyHeyHeyHey-” He’s quickly on his knees in front of you, shushing and brushing your hair out of your face, “I’m so fucking sorry- that was so selfish of me to do. I shouldn’t have said or done any of that. You opened up to me, and I yelled at you.. that will never happen again, okay? Why don’t we get you to bed?” He held your hands in his, searching your red eyes for an answer as you quickly nodded.

“Okay, I’m gonna go say goodnight to everyone, you just hold tight here. Sound good?” You nodded once again, and he giggled. “Words, sweetheart. I need you to say something.”

“That’s what I want, Ani. Bed.” You mumble out, forming your lips into a sad smile. His heart broke at the sight of you.

The second the back gate opened back up, Ben and Ahsoka immediately shot out of their chairs at the sight of Anakin. Their interrupted conversation suddenly had no meaning as he entered, taking a quick seat next to them.

“She’s- uh- she’s pretty upset. And fucked up. I’m gonna take her to bed.” He sighed, running his fingers through his hair as Ben and Ahsoka looked at him, puzzled.

“Well, what happened? Is she okay? Does she need help?” Ahsoka frantically broke the silence, asking the questions she and Ben were both thinking.

“Listen, she’s in rough shape right now. I’m just gonna get her to sleep, and I’ll tell you guys all about it. I don’t even know if she’s done talking about it. I’ll be right back.”

“Y/N?” He calls out your name as he steps on the other side of the gate, jogging up the front porch to see you passed out in the chair, joint hanging loosely from your fingers.

Amused, he grabs the roach from your fingers and casually tosses it off the porch, letting out a small laugh. Clearly, you didn't waste any time before drifting off to sleep. All the crying and weed must have done something. As he crouches down beside you, he tenderly brushes your hair, his eyes filled with adoration as he looks at your sleeping figure.

“I’m so sorry about everything,” He tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear, sighing softly, “I know you’re going to hate me for what I’m gonna do. Just please know it’s in your best interest. I care about you so much.” He bites his lip in thought, his eyes searching your figure.

As he rises to his feet, he effortlessly swipes your phone and tucks it away, his eyes briefly glancing at your water bottle. With a tender gesture, he reaches his arms beneath you, drawing you close to his chest and ensuring the blanket envelops you snugly as he lifts you from the chair. Your head is cradled against his chest, his hand wrapped around your waist and under your knees.

Anakin carried you gently up the stairs of your house, each step creaking under the weight of his feet. Passing through the familiar corridors, he reached your bedroom door and pushed it open, immediately being overwhelmed by the alluring scent of your space. As he laid you down on your bed, he couldn't help but notice how little the room had changed since you left, the same photos on the walls and the same worn-out rug. Your mom kept everything intact, probably hoping you’d come back eventually. He filled your water bottle, plugged your phone in, left some medicine on your nightstand, and tucked you in tightly. Just as he turned on the fan and kissed your forehead goodnight, your eyes fluttered open to meet with his, and you gave him a sleepy smile.

“Ani?” You mumbled, watching as his smile grew above you.

“Hey, sweetheart, feeling pretty sleepy, huh?”

“Mhm,” You stretched your arms out momentarily as you yawned. “I’m sorry I dropped all of that on you earlier. And I’m just- I’m sorry about it all. I feel so-”

“Y/N,” He gets on his knees next to you, the warmth in his eyes matching the tender smile on his lips, “You don’t need to apologize for a thing. I’m always here. And so are Ben and Ahsoka. We got you. You take as much time as you need to process, recover, and do whatever you need to, okay? It’s about you, Y/N/N, don’t worry about us.” You giggle and nod at his words, your eyes attempting to flutter shut. He laughs at your exhaustion, ruffling up the hair on your head. “Sleep well, okay? I’ll be here if you need me.”

He closes your door and leans against the door frame, exhaling heavily as he tries to make sense of everything that happened throughout the night. How could someone be so fucking despicable to do this to you? His girl. His fists clenched tightly at his waist, his eyes burning with rage as he vividly imagined the torment you endured. He tried not to let his mind go there. He really did. Resting against your bedroom door, vivid visions of you, covered in blood and pleading for help, overwhelmed him, plunging him into a downward spiral. And in a moment of weakness, he did exactly what he promised he wouldn’t do.

“She was abused. Badly.”

“WHAT?”

Ben and Ahsoka jump from their seats on the porch, rushing towards Anakin as he angrily makes his way from the house onto the deck.

“That fucking piece of shit!” Ben shouts, punching his fist against the side of the house while Ahsoka tries to calm Anakin down, asking him for more details.

“Okay, Anakin, I need you to give me more than just ‘abused.’ I know you have details.” Ahsoka sputtered while she held the sides of his arms, guiding him over to the table to sit down while Ben paced behind them.

“It was that asshole she was dating for the past two years- Nick. The one we conveniently never met, which I’m sure was on purpose. She didn’t tell me much other than that if she didn’t leave when she did, she could’ve- well- she- it just wouldn’t have ended well.”

Anakin's words hung in the air, creating a thick silence that was almost tangible with tension. Anakin's throat tightened as he locked eyes with Ben and Ahsoka, their glossy gazes reflecting their shared pain. Ben found a spot at the table, deep in thought, as he absentmindedly stroked his chin, his eyes devoid of any emotion. Ahsoka carefully finished the last of her wine, the cling! of it ringing out as the glass met the table one last time.

“Well-” Ben tried to start, cut off by his sudden sobs. He pushed his head on the table, covering his face from Ahsoka and Anakin as he attempted to take deep breaths, processing the information he had just learned. In an effort to hold back tears, Anakin bit his lip, his hand trembling as he rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes squeezed shut tightly. As she silently wept, Ahsoka soothingly rubbed Ben's back, hoping to ease his pain.

“I just- I should have known.” She mumbled, picking the cat's hair off of the back of Ben’s sweater.

“There’s no way you could’ve, Snips.”

“It’s just that- I thought it was odd when she suddenly asked me to pick up her cat. Saying she couldn’t take care of him and that it was an emergency. I never even met Nick, and she wouldn’t let me stay at the apartment long. I hardly saw her. So many fucking red flags..” she trailed off, feeling her head hurt at the thought.

“Ahsoka, it’s okay.” Ben sniffled, lifting his head off the table as his red eyes met Anakin’s. “There is no one at fault here other than Nick.”

"Exactly," Anakin paused momentarily at his comment, his eyes widening. “Guys, she made me promise I wouldn’t tell you. Considering everything, I think we should wait until she opens up. Even though it hurts, the last thing I’d want to do is hurt her anymore.”

“Yeah,” Ben whispers, and Ahsoka nods, holding onto each other as they try to calm down.

“We should get to bed, guys. It’s 3:30.” Anakin mumbles as he stands up and stretches, offering his hand to Ahsoka. “We’ll see you soon, Ben. Get some rest.”

As he lay in bed, Anakin’s mind wandered off to you. How could it not? Besides being your best friend, he always looked for more in you. The knowledge weighed heavily on him, and he despised himself because of it. To him, you were his world, his everything. Always. And hearing/seeing how hurt you were? It fucking destroyed him. So, he let himself cry. He allowed himself to feel those emotions for you, and he always had buried them deep down. Instead, he buried his face in his pillow and soaked it with his tears. His admiration for you would never falter, and neither would his protectiveness. He felt as if a part of him failed, and as a result, his guard was down. He felt the desire to love you and keep you safe increased, knowing that getting the chance to do so may destroy him inside and out.

And it didn’t help that you lost your virginities to each other. Sharing such a unique, intimate moment with the person he always knew was the one, well, that just really fucked things. Literally. There wasn't a moment when he wasn't haunted by the memories of that night; it was a constant presence in his mind. And then he got with Padme, and you left for Virginia, and things got so lost and confused, and life moved on. You moved on. He tried to. But he searched for you in everyone and everything. Padme knew it, he knew it, fuck, his mother probably knew it! He’s just thankful Ben doesn’t know it. As much as he hated to say it, Anakin knew he would have gone back in time to do anything to change that moment. Because now you’re here, and his feelings have only intensified. Feelings that should have left a long, long time ago. And yet, as he cried himself to sleep, he continued to dream of you, just like every night before.

Please let me know if you wish to be tagged!

Series tags: @w0rsh1psells @ursogorgeous13 @tommyvelvet @mistress-amidala @queenofnigthdarkness @nikkissecretlibrary @doblasftcisco @ann4zw @catachlysmicjedi @googie-jeon @xoxo-hayden-fangurl-xoxo @anakinstwinklebunny

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ctrlsht · 2 years ago

Text

Who is in control?

pairing: jk x reader

genre: drabble au

summary: after having an argument with your boyfriend, he's anxious that you weren’t responding to his messages and the only thing that he can do is visit you in your university but you weren’t happy about it

content & warnings: toxic relationship, unhealthy behavior, possessive jk, stalking, manipulative behavior, lots of arguments, yandere-ish, college reader, son of the univ president & lawyer jk, secret relationship word count: 2.4k

Jungkook is anxious while waiting for you outside your room. He’s walking back and front while biting his nails and he can’t stop looking at the time every damn minute. He hasn’t heard from you since yesterday during lunch time and he can’t stop thinking the worst thing possible. When he gets tired, he just rests his back on the railings in front of the door you’re in as he bites the inside of his right cheeks. And when the door opens, he gets alerted and waits as you appear in front of him but when he doesn’t see you coming out, he gets more anxious.

“Is y/n inside?” He asked one of the students who came out.

“Yes, she’s inside.” A huge relief filled him when he heard that. He was so focused on waiting for you that he didn’t notice that people were staring.

“Isn’t that Jeon Jungkook?”

“Who?”

“The son of the president of the school.”

“Oh really? I didn’t know.”

As you step out of the room, the first thing you see is Jungkook standing meters away from you. He looked at you like he’s been longing for you for years already. His eyebrows were furrowed, lips were frowning and his eyes were pleading as he looked at you.

“Y/N!” He called and it caught some student’s attention. You immediately pulled his hands as you almost ran away from the crowd.

Getting caught with Jungkook is the least you expected to happen today. You might sound overreacting but you cannot risk it.

Jeon Jungkook, the son of the University’s President Jeon Byun Bin. One of the elite families in Seoul, South Korea. The last thing you want to happen is being associated with him. You were so careful with every move and decisions you make because reputation is consequential to you. You’re one of the scholars of this University and you wouldn’t want to take that away from you. Disappointing your family isn’t in your plan.

“Baby, wait! What’s with the rush?” He asks you while you’re pulling him at the back of your building and when you’re sure that no one’s around, you stop and face him with so much worry.

“What are you doing here?” You asked.

“You weren’t replying to my messages! I was so fucking worried I don’t even know what to do anymore!” He immediately closes the distance between the both of you as he hugs you. However, before he can even feel your warmth, you immediately distance yourself which he didn’t like.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I won’t be demanding from now on. I won’t nag you whenever you’re busy and I’ll try to be more understanding with your situation. I promise, I’ll be better. Just please forgive me!” He got both of your hands as he kissed them. You immediately pulled away. You were too agitated with the whole situation to even consider Jungkook’s feelings. You can’t stop looking around because people might see you with him. And of course, Jungkook noticed. As he saw more of your anxiousness, he felt like his heart was getting stabbed.

“Let’s fix this inside your car, okay?” You said as you looked around. Jungkook was staring at you because you looked uneasy while you’re with him. He knows the situation of the both of you yet he feels something is wrong. Why are you so scared? It seems like you’re hiding from someone. His heartbeat suddenly increased. No, it cannot be.

“No.” He firmly said. “Are you hiding from someone?” You suddenly looked at him with confusion.

“What the hell? Of course we’re hiding from everyone! Let’s go, Jungkook!” You passed through him but before you even walked away, he pulled your arm.

“Baby, I don’t wanna hide anymore!” Your blood suddenly went up when he said that. You don’t understand what’s with him. You don’t even understand why he’s here in the first place.

“What the fuck? Are you being crazy right now?” You pulled your arm from his grip.

“Yes I am! I’m going fucking insane right now because you’re making me feel that you’re cheating with me for fuck sake!”

Jungkook’s been feeling this ever since but this is the only time he has said it out loud. He doesn’t even like the idea of hiding the relationship of the both of you yet he complied because you wanted it. He tried to understand the whole situation of the both of you even though in the first place he doesn’t give a fuck. He doesn’t give a fuck about what the people say because he can literally kick the hell out if them in this goddamn university since he got the power to do so yet he chose not to. He chose to respect your decisions.

“What are you talking about? Haven't we already talked about this? We literally cannot be seen together, Kook! People will be suspicious!”

“For what? For just talking to you? You’re being paranoid!” He lashed out. You were startled and the only thing you did is stare at him until you realized you’re so fucking done with the whole situation. You didn’t say a single word when you turned around and started to walk. Jungkook suddenly panicked when you walked away. He immediately grabbed your hand which you pulled away.

“Y/N baby, I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant.” From his growling voice, he immediately sounded like a kitten regretting what he said. He followed you but you weren’t stopping.

“Baby please, I’m sorry. Let’s talk about this properly. I didn’t mean to lash out.” He cannot fucked this up once again. You haven’t forgiven him from what he did yesterday and yet he created another mess. Jungkook is literally fucked up.

“You should leave.” You said while walking away.

“No, please baby. Let’s talk. I’m sorry.” His voice is getting softer and softer and he follows you. While you were walking, you saw a bunch of students ahead of you. You immediately walked backward to hide from them and pushed Jungkook away from you.

“Y/N, I won’t leave until we’ve fixed this.” He said while both of you were standing behind the tree. You looked at him as you rolled your eyes. He was about to caress your face but you blocked his hands.

“Fine! I’ll wait for you in the car.” You said as you walked away going to his usual parking lot.

There are a lot of things running in Jungkook’s head as you leave. Were you really hiding from someone? No, not from everyone; from a specific person. Are you really doing that? No, you can’t be. He made sure that no men will ever fucking touch you. He made sure of that. But why does he feel like the opposite? Why does he feel like you’re hiding something? Or is he just overthinking? He’d kill Jimin if he ever slipped anything.

Once Jungkook is inside the car, he’s all over you. He didn't waste any seconds as he immediately pulled your head and he pressed his lips on yours. “I fucking missed you.” He spoke in between his kisses and you opened your mouth to let him in. His right hand is at your back to support you while his left hand is pressing your head into him. While you’re both having your desperate kisses, Jungkook’s hands travel inside of your shirt but before he does something, you stop him.

“Baby why? I missed you so fucking much.” He whines as he tried to kiss you again but you pulled out.

“I didn’t come here to make out, Jungkook.” You said trying to avoid his kisses. As much as you love to make out with him in the car, this is not the right time.

“I’m sorry.” Is the only thing that he said before he sat properly. Silence fills both of you and you take the time to fix yourself while Jungkook’s been playing with his lips wanting more of your kisses.

“What are you doing in front of the lecture room? Seriously? Didn’t we talk about this?” You started.

“You weren’t replying to my texts and calls! I was so worried sick, Y/N!” After the argument yesterday, you choose to ignore him because you were so fucking pissed. He’s been demanding you to give him your time even though it’s not possible since it’s your exam week. He’s been accusing you for not even giving him enough time and you thought it was bullshit. You cannot let Jungkook be part of your stress while you’re stressing over your exams. You purposely ignored him but you realized, you shouldn’t because of the outcome.

“You should have waited until my class ended.” You rolled your eyes.

“I can’t babe. It’s making me anxious.” Obviously, that’s what he really felt. In his defense, this is actually the first time you both argue without fixing it immediately. You do want to fix it immediately but the argument was too long and you cannot waste any more hours arguing because you haven’t started studying. You realized that you cannot blame him since it was the first time but waiting for you in front of your class is a risky move. You didn’t want to get caught because if ever, you’re doomed.

“Can’t we just let them find out that we’re together?” Jungkook asked in the middle of the silence. You frowned as you looked at him and immediately shook your head.

“Are you insane? We cannot! Do you want me to get in trouble?” You massage your temple because he’s becoming so unbelievable.

“That’s easy to fix–

“No, kook! What will the people say? Judge me because I’m with you?!”

Imagine yourself being with him around the campus. People will fucking stare and create some bullshit issues. He may not always be around the campus because his job isn’t associated with the University but they know him. With his looks and popularity, of course, people know him so fucking much.

“Isn’t it the truth?! Baby, you’re not going to get expelled when they find out that we’re together!”

You really can’t believe that you’re both arguing about this topic because ever since you both decided to have a relationship, you already made it clear that you don’t want people to know about the both of you.

If that's what you wanted, the opposite is what he wants. He wants to let everyone know that both of you are together. He wants to touch you even in your sensitive part even if there's people looking. He doesn't give a fuck if people will see the both of you making out in the public. He wants to let the world know that he owns you.

“But they will say a lot of bullshit against me! Don’t you understand that?!”

Your reputation in this University isn’t much what is usually expected. People know you for being a studious and intimidating person. You are part of the organization of the University because they are expecting you to participate and finding out that you’re dating the famous Jeon Jungkook won’t sit well with your reputation especially when people nowadays who love to create bullshit dramas.

When he discovers that it's what you want, he finds it absurd. You sound so pathetic and shallow but he doesn't let you know that. For this relationship to work, he will make you think that you're the one in control. But you're getting out of hand and he has to do something about it.

“Babe I’m sorry but I cannot stand the fact that people are thinking that you’re not in relationship and basically hitting on you–

“Can’t you fucking trust me?!”

“I trust you but I don’t trust them! Fuck! It’s driving me insane!”

You thought that Jungkook’s life revolved around his cases as a lawyer but you were wrong. His world is you. In every decision he makes, it’s always connected to you. In every plan he creates, you are always involved. And he also made sure that your decisions, plans, and situations are according to what he wants. That’s why he will always keep an eye on you. He may not be around you when you’re in this goddamn place, but he made sure that he has someone to look on you. He won’t let anything happen that will oppose what he wants.

“I cannot endure anymore when men are eye-fucking you! I’ve got so much fucking control on not punching them! God knows how I want to use all my fucking power to get them hell out of this fucking University!”

Of course, his little eyes reported every shit decision and actions you made. Jimin did a great job in observing you. As the moment Jungkook found out that you’ve been telling everyone that you weren’t in a relationship and you were getting close with those fucking bastards who’s basically eye-fucking you, he stop considering your stupid excuses.

He won’t allow you to drift away from him. The perfect solution for it is to prevent it from happening.

“Will you consider me this time?”

As much as possible, he doesn't want to control you. He wants to let you decide what you want and he provides what you need. In this relationship, you're the boss. The only time that Jungkook will interfere is when he doesn’t like what's happening. And it's happening right now. You were the boss but he owns you.

He caressed your left cheek and rubbed it with his thumb. He was staring at your soul and he knew damn well that you do not like what he wants. But you don't have a choice.

"I swear that I'll kill everyone who will harm you in any way, baby. I will not let anything bad happen to you." He kissed your forehead after he said that and you looked away. He know for sure that you walked into his own trap.

#jungkook au #jungkook scenarios #jungkook x reader #bts aus #bts au #jeonjk #bts #btsfanfic #yandere bts #jungkook yandere #bts drabble #jungkook drabble #jungkook fanfic #who is in control?

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luna-rainbow · 3 months ago

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Hi! I don't know if you have already read this Bucky's "analysis": https://www.tumblr.com/dreadnought-dear-captain/651270983166132224/cw-this-essay-is-about-about-trauma-including?source=share

I find it absurd that a person who claims to be knowledgeable in the psychological area and also to have lived through traumatic experiences themselves, can say that the depiction of therapy in TFATWS is OK and that it is "right" or "healthy" for Bucky to "take responsibility" for something he had no agency in. This is one of the many aspects that seem to me to be terribly wrong.

I'd be very grateful if you could share your opinion.

Sorry for the late reply, life’s been really hectic lately!

I vaguely remember reading this back in 2021. I don’t know if I ever got through the whole thing. I’m not trained in psychology so I can’t pretend to be any sort of expert.

There are some points I agree with, particularly to the headcanon that Bucky is actually very resilient rather than “fragile” — he has to be, to have lasted that long under Hydra, retained most of his innate willingness for good, and for Hydra to have been forced to use the methods they did to break him. While we’re on this topic, it’s not uncommon that people who leave abusive situations go through a period of “fragility” or being more open with expressing their vulnerability, because they’ve finally exited survival mode. I’m always soft for recovery fics where Bucky clearly has that stubborn resilient streak but also lets himself be vulnerable in front of someone he trusts.

It's not the first time that a self-proclaimed psychologist has tried to justify Bucky's arc in TFATWS with reclamation of agency (I feel like I've read a similar essay from someone else). My problem with these analyses has always been - Bucky is not a real patient, he's a fictional creation, therefore any talk about his psychology and in particular internal consistency can only be as good as the narrative. When you have a narrative that is as clunky as TFATWS, where it clearly made no attempt to consider Bucky's past, character, and motivations in many of the choices he made, it's ridiculous to examine this Bucky as though the writer had intended him to be a study of trauma recovery. It's like trying to debate the safest speed the Titan submersible should have descended at, when the real problem is that it's a creaking tin can from the get-go.

The problem with the reclamation of agency argument is the same problem with his healing arc. Just as Bucky already reclaimed his humanity and social connections by the support he got from the Wakandans, Bucky also already reclaimed his agency in the preceding movies. Are we forgetting his first act of disobedience to his handlers in pulling Steve out from the river instead of finishing his mission? Past that, he spent two years living a crime free and reasonably cosy life. He had a roof over his head, he was dressed clean and groomed, he was going out and conversing politely with shopkeepers, his apartment was sparsely furnished but lived in. All of these took a series of careful choices from someone who not only was forced to live with no agency for 70 years, but also had no identity, no documents, no money, and likely very little familiarity with this new world he's woken up to. He also made major choices that directly impacted the world around him, whether it was to divulge the location of the other Winter Soldiers, or joining Steve against the other Avengers, or choosing to go back to cryo, or accepting T'Challa's recruitment to go back onto the battlefield. He was not forced in any of these choices, and he had a lot to lose in each of them, but he still made the choice -- and the people around him, Steve and T'Challa, allowed him to make that call.

So yes, theoretically, if Bucky was a real patient, of course agency is a major theme in his recovery and a way to redirect away from overwhelming helplessness (although...Bucky's never acted as though he falls comfortably onto learned helplessness; again, the first thing we see him do as soon as he recalls any inkling of his past is to take agency into his own hands). But narratively? This is just regressing Bucky back to...oh, I don't know, early post-CATWS and retreading the recovery path he had already demonstrated.

And sure, trauma recovery is something that happens over a long period of time and people can vacillate between well-adjusted and emotional wreck, and we can argue given the events of Endgame, there's good reason for Bucky to have rollercoasted to an emotional slump by TFATWS. But - once again - this is a fictional construct, and if you took a step back and looked at the narrative as a whole instead of "Bucky should be allowed to make bad choices because he's mentally ill", there is no character justification for why Bucky would break Zemo out of jail or fight with Wakanda, very borderline justification for why Bucky would confuse the shield for his friendship with Steve, and minimal justification for why Bucky would crash Sam's mission in the first place. Not to mention the 20 things that doesn't make sense about the Flagsmashers and post-Blip world, and what authority Sam and Bucky were even working under. If the overarching narrative doesn't make sense, what even is the use of trying to rationalise his actions in a psychological sense?

As to your specific point about "the depiction of therapy in TFATWS is OK and that it is "right" or "healthy" for Bucky to "take responsibility" for something he had no agency in" - I'm not sure how it's argued in the original essay because I don't want to read the whole thing, but this feels like a really weird therapeutic strategy. If we equate Bucky's situation to rape - which we probably can after they inserted the stomach turning scene of Zemo selling Bucky to Selby - I'd like to know which therapist would sit with their rape victim and say it's "right and healthy" for them to take responsibility for the rape, ie the situation during which Bucky had no control over his identity or wishes. From what I've seen and read of victims in recovery, whether that's as survivors of abuse or rape or homocide, they find solace in taking control of the emotions they are left with in recovery -- i.e. the grief or rage or indignation, and repurposing that into a sense of mission, such as starting victim help groups or campaigning for policy change or fighting to get the criminals arrested. But again, that's not reclaiming the situation as something they had "responsibility" for, but rather to make the best with their experience and being a safety net for others. But that hadn't been what Bucky's therapy was about, Raynor was basically implying Bucky was dangerous and out of control and needs to make amends to prove himself stable. It wasn't about unravelling what Bucky feels about the long helpless 70 years of imprisonment and redirecting it to a sense of purpose, it was to make Bucky "pay back" the other victims...as a parole condition to make him suitable for society.

So no, it was not an appropriate therapeutic intervention, because at no point did it have Bucky's best interest at heart, nor - based on Sebastian's portrayal - did it have Bucky's buy-in. And as I've always said, it was also incredibly unfair to the other victims on the receiving end of Bucky's unexpected appearance and "amends" without any sort of neutral mediator.

#tfatws critical #bucky barnes #bucky barnes meta #asks #tw: rape #tw: mental health #tw: abuse

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acerikus · 2 months ago

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G o d. All gekkos' outertale posting makes me wanna talk more in depth about the characterisation and plot issues in this game and why they bother me...

(readmore bc holy fuck this got long, it's probably like 5k words. It's also pretty much all salt, categorised by character)

Toriel

Why. Why is she like this. Kinda feels like the creator of the game hates her and if they don't, they have a weird way of showing it. She's treated as overdramatic and unjustified in her anger at asgore despite the fact that he DID declare war on humanity and he DID willingly let the people believe he was killing human children to harvest their souls. Even if he didn't do it for real in this game, she has every right to be angry and to not trust him, and it CERTAINLY doesn't make her undeserving to be a mother or whatever. Idk about you, but I don't think wanting kids to stay away from a man yelling about wanting to kill every child that crosses him makes you a bad parent, even if it turns out he didn't really hurt anyone y'know?

They also REALLY zoned in on 'mother' with her in a way that doesn't really make sense here. I could maybe see her feeling guilty for making a snap judgement but how would that call her motherhood into question?

Sans saying isolation messed with her makes no sense too!!!! The outerlands or whatever they called the ruins isn't sealed off in this game, other monsters seem way less intimidated by her in this game than in undertale (she has friends! She knows sans by name and goes to napstablook's shows and even has their phone number!), and we outright get told she takes the taxi to get her groceries... Meaning she headed off to the rest of the outpost and probably does that often enough.

All things considered, Toriel seems fairly well adjusted in outertale, at least by outertale standards. Kinda then makes it feel like everyone's just trying to convince her she's hysterical and that... Sucks.

Also the fact that they added an ending where you stay with her and framed it as a bad ending that doomed everyone is... Really mean? It sucked ass I'm sorry :/

Sans

... Why is he like this. This take on Sans is absolutely infuriating tbh. The only positive I really have here is that his puns are kinda good, I've seen fangames that fuck up this element massively and it was kinda fun to see his interactions in starton.

Okay, back to salt. His whole 'i became a sentry to help humans' thing is trash. He didn't care about that in ut! He didn't care about that at all! The only reason he looks out for frisk is because he made a promise to toriel, and he hates breaking promises. He didn't want to let down his friend.

...Huh. realising this is yet another case of Toriel disrespect somehow. Yet another thing they took from her, that they then just... Handed over to sans instead. :/

His lack of backstory. Look, I get wanting something silly, but they took almost everything that makes sans interesting away. Not hyperfocusing on sans like certain aus do is nice, but it feels like in a lot of situations in this game they overcompensated by a long shot.

No mysterious past/origins. We know he worked with alphys I guess but???? Honestly I have a LOT to rant about for that part so I'll leave it for twinkly's section. And yet despite all this, Sans inexplicably bleeds in tpe when not even undertale has that happen? Make up your mind!

His role in non Asriel chaotic also... Sucks ass. I'm in a pretty awesome corner of the fandom in terms of the people I follow and the takes I see as a result, so if I'm honest, when I saw all those posts about 2024 fanon sans being indifferent to his brother's murder, I kinda just figured they were vaguing about this game. You're telling me that sans of all people just shrugs off you killing everyone and complains a little bit before letting you pass?! He should know alphys already ran off. He should know the only person left to stop you is asgore, and that it's obvious he won't. Part of this could be connected to how frisk is written perhaps, and much like the twinkly situation, I'll have much more to say on that further down.

I understand the creator didn't wanna have a sans fight in their game - however, if that's the case... Maybe come up with a reason for him to NOT show up in the last corridor, then? Have him busy helping with evacuations or something, or already dead like in the first chaotic ending... This was just sloppy.

Papyrus

Honestly he wasn't... Terrible. The phonecalls were fun even if most were cheap references (though they can be fun in fangames sometimes so I'm not mad at this lol). Him being extremely talented at making spaghetti is just one symptom of one of this game's biggest flaws, however. I really don't like how nobody's really allowed to be bad at anything or have any real struggles in this game - especially when spaghetti in undertale is used to demonstrate his relationship with undyne and the similar wavelength they're on when humans aren't involved. She's the one who started teaching him to cook it, it's deeply intertwined with his desire to be a royal guard, and it's something they suck at together. Him just inexplicably being good at it is... Weird, and feels really disconnected from their friendship and her reluctance to let him in the guard yknow?

Also: his boss final phase. Having the dog NOT take his special attack away this time was really funny admittedly but... Idk? Not only is the fight really unfair for pacifist/neutral and those who aren't as good at the game (ut never gets this hard outside of geno), it feels way too on the nose in terms of insisting he's strong and has powerful attacks. Undertale didn't need to overcompensate to get across that papyrus is strong and disciplined and the way you have to infer that in undertale is way cooler. I might just be nitpicking with this point tbh but it's whatever. Letting myself be a hater for once.

And don't get me started on him getting together with Mettaton. It seemed to come out of absolutely nowhere, the idea that they were already friends in this was glossed over really quickly and no time was really put into developing the relationship save for papyrus commenting on finding him attractive every few minutes.

Gotta be honest, I've never been a fan of this ship nor understood its popularity. Papyrus very briefly mentions thinking he's attractive in undertale, but it doesn't really go anywhere and I'm not even sure mettaton knows he exists. It feels like it was just kinda added because it's a popular ship and that's it, not sure it really contributes much to either of their arcs. It was a light-hearted celebrity crush in canon and never really tried to be more.

Oh, oops. Had more to say here than I thought.

Undyne

Not much to say here... I think she was okay, there's nothing super bad with her. I do think the way gerson kinda downplays her/lacks faith in her in the chaotic route kinda sucks and I think choosing to make her non-undying chaotic bossfight harder sure was A Choice, but it's whatever. Undying was weirdly easy in a way that didn't do her much justice. Honestly they didn't do enough with her for me to have a wall of complaints and I can't tell if that's a good thing or not. Her relationship with alphys didn't really amount to much and her lack of understanding of human culture doesn't really hit as hard when she's just talking about random sci-fi things that we have no way of knowing are real or not in this game's idea of the 2600s ourselves, y'know? Her love of anime (that she mistakenly thinks is human history) is pretty absent here except to validate her relationship with alphys in a very shallow way.

The Ghost Family

Hoo boy... Was gonna make this the mettaton section, but I wanted to talk about napstablook at the same time, so I'm just gonna lump them all together.

What. What the hell was this plotline.

It feels like they tried to go for 'smalltime farmer chases passion for stardom after feeling unfulfilled at home' and as I've seen someone else say, 'shy business owner struggles to talk to their cousin outside of work'. This would've been fine tbh, but... There's a lot of things in the execution of this that kinda grossed me out if I'm honest. I don't think they were intentional, but I think it could've been thought through a lot better to avoid some unfortunate implications - or even lean into them in a respectful way.

Firstly, the ghost family intervention was pretty long, awkward, and didn't feel like it really added much - especially when most people playing would already know mettaton's backstory anyway (and his house is still accessible like in undertale!!!!! What was the point?)

Mettaton airing out his family issues on live TV feels very ooc - he keeps that stuff very close to his chest and I doubt he'd like it getting out. Him entertaining any of that out in the open seems... Weird.

Speaking of the intervention, his cousins' treatment of him was horrifying! Part of it seems intentional and it's nice that there's at least one part in the game where characters are allowed to have flaws and do bad things but... There's also elements that feel like you're meant to agree with them? Their insistence that mettaton just come home and everything they did in the past with constantly badgering him to come and help out on the farm were rightfully treated as something that hurt mettaton's feelings and that gave napstablook and the others pause. That's (mostly, we'll come back to it later) fine. He called them out for it and they reflected on it, cool. The way his ghost form was utilised makes me extremely uncomfortable, however.

Napstablook talks about hearing 'the real [mettaton]' in the recording, right to his face, 'the real mettaton' in this scenario alluding to his ghost form. Considering mettaton is a trans allegory, this feels... Kinda gross? In a similar vein, when passing mettaton's quiz barriers, one of the questions is 'what is mettaton's true identity' and you have the option to deadname him (using a name papyrus literally just made up in undertale rather than having any kind of creativity ofc) Alphys' reaction is simply to ask how you know that which... Doesn't feel great. The correct answer is 'mettaton' ofc thankfully, but everything around this particular plot point feels weird. Maybe don't do that w the most prevalent trans allegory character..?

And ofc, they keep insisting he just come home, go back to working on the farm, go back to his family... Idk, gives me vibes of someone abandoning their shitty transphobic family and then insisting they want to see 'the real [deadname] again' and for them to abandon their new life and just go back to the way things were before. Not good.

All of this would still be okay for the most part since the ghost family are painted as being unfair to mettaton... But in true pacifist, he goes back to helping out with the farm anyway and talks about how he thinks he was probably just being dramatic after all, and how 'blooky didn't do anything that bad'

... What?

It takes me right back to Toriel's treatment. Napstablook, Maddie and lurksalot gave no real thought to mettaton's feelings, made it all about them and showed pretty much no support for his transition nor his career! Fuck those guys! It's funny - mettaton is pretty consistently a pompous asshole (affectionate) in undertale but here, I think all his feelings towards his family were COMPLETELY valid. Mettaton outertale didn't do anything wrong.

Lurksalot didn't feel like they contributed much to the story either, save to be yet another character treating mettaton like shit with zero consequences nor narrative judgement. They just made every ghost family event even more drawn out.

And then ofc!!!! Mettaton and Alphys' friendship is so bland in this game! They're two people who kinda know each other and she says some nice things about him in a letter in chaotic but that's about it. Their friendship and the subsequent conflict frisk's arrival brings to it in undertale is the heart of hotland and the core, but here it's just replaced with unnecessary, hard to watch, boring family drama. The two of them have no issues to work out. She doesn't ask too much of him. There's no funny quips and barely any chemistry at all. God forbid either of them have any real flaws.

One last thing: I'm glad maddie gets her mew mew body, it's nice. Wish it was an on-screen moment or something alluded to more though. Some of that time dragging out the family drama could've been used on that instead, y'know? Especially with napstablook getting the mew mew doll... Genuinely thought they were gonna show it to her when they first got hold of it, rather than dragging Frisk into their intervention. She should've gotten to be more mad, too. Kinda a big part of her identity.

Oh, and mettaton's no-asriel chaotic fight was bullshit. It was a nice spamton reference and the first phase was cool, but the second was utter bullshit and dragged out the fight way too long. Attacking him after snapping all the wires should've killed him im sorry. It's even more of a shame bc I genuinely really liked this game's mettaton neo fight - it was fun and creative and felt possible.

Holding myself back from adding any more to this bc I could go on and on, ugh.

Alphys

Alphys. For a game that tries to make her the star of it, it's actually kinda impressive how much they managed to take away from her and just how uninteresting she is in this game.

At the surface level she's awesome, powerful, and the star of the show. In my first playthrough I was actually pretty happy to see her thriving like this! The more routes I played and the more I thought about it though they just kinda... Declawed her. Took away all her flaws. Made her 'perfect' in a way that I don't think works at all.

The amalgamates never happened. None of her experiments went wrong. She never hid away from her mistakes, or lied to anyone (save for keeping Asgore's secret, which she has no negative feelings about), nor did she over engineer any situations to make herself seem cooler. She doesn't argue with Mettaton! She's confident and assertive! She's Asgore's right hand woman and next in line for the throne! And ofc, the badass final boss! What's not to love?

...But none of this is Alphys, is it?

Her anxiety isnt just because of the determination experiments, it's pretty clear she's always been a pretty shy and nervous person. In fact, based on her entries they were one of the things she was more confident in before it all went wrong. People are hard, but she knows science, y'know?

She doesn't get to be flawed or interesting - despite her presence, she's just a generic cool scientist who's suave with the ladies, I guess..?

She isn't particularly dorky, shes overly confident, she has zero issues to work through. Her relationship with undyne is perfect (derogatory) and her infodumping about anime just before the archive feels very forced, like they remembered last minute that she does that and thought it should be included somehow.

Depicting what she'd be like in a scenario where the determination experiments never happened is a fun and interesting idea! But deltarune demonstrates how to do that well, and I think they completely missed the mark. The way she talks, her body language, the way she acts around others in general... These things are universal constants and yet in outertale, she's basically a different person entirely.

Outertale alphys isn't allowed to lie (save to cover for asgore Secretly Being A Good Person), she isn't allowed to miscalculate, she isn't allowed to mis-speak or make mistakes or do anything she'd regret. She feels like an alphys written by someone who hates her in canon and thinks all her flaws make her terrible and unlikable. I doubt this is the case since I don't think a person like that would've given her such prevalence, but that's the level of love and attention I feel was given to her writing here. It makes me sad.

And, of course... The DT experiments and her fight.

... Why did she have vials of determination if all the humans are alive? Did she take it from them? If so, was this before or after they went into stasis? We know she's not been the royal scientist for long in relation to how long humans have been falling, so did ROMAN take the determination? How much of this did she even DO?

Why did she and sans even DO anything with determination? It... Doesn't really make sense.

Speaking of determination, why did she melt at the end of her fight? I'd assume she's injected herself with determination as one of the vials in her lab is mentioned to be partially used, but I'm pretty sure it's also like this on pacifist. Was that overlooked? Are we just meant to assume it's MORE depleted? Does she just have natural determination now because She's So Cool And Badass? This isn't even really a complaint about the fight, more just how poorly that part of her lab is handled lmao

But getting into her fight... Idk, it didn't really feel like her. A lot of it was just random bullshit that was hard for the sake of being hard, that didn't really seem to be tied to her identity very well at all. People complain a lot about the Zenith Martlet fight in undertale yellow but that's done far better than this, imo. It clearly reflects martlet's character, personality and canonical bullet patterns (we see Alphys' in ut tpe!), there's a genuine feeling of progression in the fight and the act you're given to help with the fight feels more effective - you can still damage her on her turn, so taking a turn to heal act doesn't feel like a waste. The Asriel acts though... They just don't last long enough to feel that worth it? Sure they're okay, but in general, you get a lot less time to breathe. Martlet's fight lets you retry from phase 2 if you die. Sans' in undertale gives you as many turns as you need to heal while he's sparing you. Alphys' fight just feels like it's made to feel un-fun and painful throughout in a way that just isn't worth it, and doesn't really feel like it fits her personality either, y'know? The fight was just a slog and like many others, I had zero motivation to finish it legit. I don't think it helps that the undyne and mettaton fights in this route are fairly easy and simple in comparison.

Tldr: they took away everything that makes alphys endearing, fun and interesting. This isn't alphys at all.

Asgore

A huge chunk of this essay accidentally got deleted, including my first attempt at writing this section. In it, I mentioned that the Asgore apologism went way too far.

This time though, I don't think I'd even call it that. Reflecting on it, it feels less like an attempt to defend him and more like a way to hate on and spite Toriel.

Seriously. So much of his character basically just feels like someone going 'fuck you toriel. I'm giving EVERYTHING to asgore.'

It's... Really weird?

Asgore having a way out of killing humans is an interesting concept! Outertale takes place 500 years in the future compared to undertale, so the idea that they have the resources and technology to do that is kinda cool and in theory, exploring this idea sounds really fun. In practice though, it feels like it was mostly done to make Toriel out to be an asshole for no reason and to laugh at her for ever assuming he would've really killed anyone (despite... Y'know. Telling everyone that's what he was doing.)

He just. Completely moved on from Toriel without a second thought seemingly, and doesn't even look that affected by seeing her turn up again - meanwhile SHE'S got crumpled up tea recipes in the trash and all the Sad Divorced Energy - it doesn't really fit either of them! Toriel wasn't really given a reason to miss him like that, and I think even if he DID fully move on, he'd be way happier to see her than that.

All his leading statements on how she must feel in LV1 pacifist sucked ass also, especially with the way she kinda just agreed that yeah, she feels like shit for not trusting that he'd suddenly do a 180 and not hurt anyone (AGAIN. AFTER HE CONTINUED TO LET EVERYONE BELIEVE THIS) and that she must feel unworthy of being a mother. She hadn't even said half of this in front of him yet! He put words in her mouth! That in itself would be fine (social blunders are pretty normal for asgore after all) but it... Wasn't treated like that. It was handled as if this was a sweet and compassionate thing for him to say which... Yikes.

And ofc he gets to adopt frisk, and monster kid, and get to have Asriel live with him! His fatherhood is never called to question in undertale, but ofc Toriel's motherhood has to be here. Hell, despite their divorced status, if you talk to gerson in tpe it's highly implied frisk asks if asgore would start aging again if he became their dad! Idk, all of this part just reeked of Toriel hate and nothing more. Asgore is just yet another character to get sanded down and de-clawed and it sucks. So much of what makes him interesting is his mistakes and flaws and how they impact him, y'know?

Twinkly

I wanna start this by saying I don't think his writing is too bad. It's not amazing by any means but by outertale standards, he's one of the better written characters. That being said, Flowey is my favourite character of all time so I'm still gonna be critical.

So they did save the goat. Save the goat aus really aren't my thing nowadays - I feel like so often people act like he's a separate person to Flowey entirely and act like the alarm clock app dialogue doesn't exist. Asriel didn't end the story as a doomed tragedy fated to fade away! Flowey ended the story as someone who finally got closure on the loss of his best friend, and can finally learn to move on, even if it takes him a while to adjust. I don't think he needs to be a goat again for that.

That being said, I know these kinda aus are a big wish fulfilment thing for a lot of the fandom that aren't even necessarily something people want to be canon as much as they just wanna explore the idea and see him truly happy, so I won't judge that element too harshly. People are allowed to have fun, and I think save the goat can be fine if it respects him as flowey rather than separating them.

I really like that they allow Asriel to be fucked up and an asshole rather than him soft rebooting into some Sweet Perfect Little Prince once he returns to his old form, like so many other save the goat takes. Even in lv0's ending he struggles to bite back insults and mean comments aimed at Monster Kid which is... Admittedly kinda refreshing! There's definitely some flowey (or I guess in this case, twinkly) behaviour that still comes through here and I'm glad. This carried over to chaotic, too. While his characterisation wasn't perfect, this at least felt like twinkly obtaining a few form and continuing to play with the world, rather than your standard Asriel take. I also really liked that he remembers and acknowledges chaotic if done before pacifist, that was neat and adds to his character (as far as this game goes) I think.

However, onto the biggest, glaring issue I have with him.

Why. Why does he exist.

No, seriously.

In its attempt to make the world perfect, a world that blatantly only exists so the creator could make a save the goat ending, mind, there's no reason for the goat to need to be saved at all. Nor for him to exist after dying back when Chara lived with the dreemurrs.

Asgore isn't killing humans, so the souls don't need to be absorbed by anyone. Frisk can just enter the archive and lend their power to destroy the forcefield themselves, so there's no ultimatum like there is in undertale - there's no implied tradeoff of Frisk's life for the freedom of monsters without twinkly's intervention. In undertale, flowey's messing around opened up an ending that would've otherwise been impossible, something that worked for everyone.

Without him existing at all here, frisk could've broken the barrier just fine. All it really added to pacifist was a couple extra boss fights and asgore being dead for two minutes. And him being saved I guess but again, there's no real story justification for him being here EXCEPT to pat yourself on the back for saving him.

Why was he created? In undertale it's pretty clear - they wanted a vessel to hold all the souls in for now during the true lab experiments. He exists because Alphys selected the first flower to ever grow in the garden and injected it with determination that she extracted from the human souls.

... But all the humans are... Alive and well in outertale? They don't need a vessel to contain their souls. They don't need to extract any determination from anyone. Again, why do they HAVE vials of determination? And why did she inject one into a flower?

AND THAT'S THE OTHER BIG THING. It's established she and sans injected a starling flower for... Whatever reason. SO WHY THE HELL IS TWINKLY A CARTOON STAR?!

This point makes absolutely no sense at all. He looks absolutely nothing like a starling flower nor does he behave like a flower at all, which is confusing if that's what he started as. Honestly, I think it would've made more sense to just keep him as Flowey if they were gonna include him at all, and just have his appearance reflect a starling flower instead of a golden flower.

This applies to his fight too. Mechanically I think it's AWESOME, but the visuals are... Just very very boring. A huge part of why his fight in the original is so good it's the bizarre and chaotic nature of it, the horror elements, and the way so much of flowey's trauma in terms of how he was created and the things he finds scary was put on blast for all to see. The combination of mechanical and organic elements, all the plants and insects... Idk, just going 'hmm he's a star. Let's have him go through a star life cycle' is boring, there's no visual appeal.

If his creation is so vague and wishy washy, this would've been a great opportunity to flesh it out more. How was he created? What kinds of technology and machinery did alphys use to put all this together? How did she (or roman????? unclear) get the determination? What does twinkly remember?

That leads me onto a tangentially related topic - his trauma. I... Don't think this was shown very well. He talks a bit about BEING traumatised from the lab, but telling isn't the same as showing and canon flowey is terrible at hiding it, whereas I'd just as easily believe outertale Asriel made it up for sympathy points. He never really projects, he doesn't force anyone else to experience anything like he did, nothing like that. He's just a cocky asshole who likes killing, and who eventually decides to start being nice.

This game constantly seemed to be speedrunning ways to get him from being twinkly to being Asriel as quickly as possible in almost every single route which... Huh???? It's weird. Would've been nice to let him be a star more rather than just Asriel...

(final amendment bc I lost a huge chunk of this essay originally and had to rewrite it, and I'm realising I didn't manage to fit this in this time... How does a single monster soul let him get his Asriel form again? Sure he's still treated as if soulless and it doesn't make him a good person, but if he was 'so tired of being a star', why hadn't he tried doing this sooner? It makes no sense...)

For a game that exists to give him a good ending, it's so ironic how little he needs to exist at all in this world. Just goes to show what it looks like when you go too far with 'fixing' things or removing stuff you seem 'too problematic' for the sake of being wholesome or whatever.

Chara

Speaking of which... Look I'm just gonna say it. This version of Chara sucks so bad.

Chara is one of my favourite characters - they're really interesting, morally grey, and a fascinating way for undertale as a game to interface with us as players.

They're a child who likely saw the worst of humanity, then found themselves in a home with family who genuinely loved them once they fell down and met the monsters. Their intense saviour complex made them feel like the best way to help their family was to sacrifice their own life to get enough souls to break them free (and once they realised they had control, get payback against the humans while they were at it). They could be mean-spirited and a prankster. They valued efficiency HIGHLY. Their favourite number was nine because it's the limit, the absolute, a way to stop hurting and to stop others hurting.

And by doing geno, you can push this fixation on stats further. Max out all your stats. Gain power. Get stronger. Become invincible. Nobody can hurt any more if the world is gone. And ofc, they stand as the final arbiter of consequences for the player. Your punishment for killing everyone and for pushing them into believing it needs to be completed. Chara both IS is and is separate from us in a way that can't really be fully disentangled and it's really, really cool.

Anyway, enough gushing about undertale Chara. What's outertale Chara in comparison?

... Nothing.

They're nothing.

Outertale Chara narrates occasionally. They're a ghost that follows frisk around, but aren't confined to that, and have been actively wandering the underground since their death. They also still have a SOUL for some reason? This part doesn't really make sense at all.

Other than sacrificing themself and maybe wanting to take out a few humans after Asriel absorbs them, they don't do anything that could be considered bad ever. The most devious thing they ever do is snatch Asriel's diary to leave a silly comment in there when they first arrive at the outpost (sans does this with Toriel's phone in undertale tpe for comparison lmao). Despite what Asriel seems to believe, Chara is completely absent from the chaotic route - never getting corrupted, never caring about our stats, never wanting to hurt anyone, never even trying to make us face any consequences. They're just... Not here. For a character so prevalent in the murder based route of undertale this is fucking wild.

They all but vanish if you so much as say something slightly mean to someone, too! It's strange, makes no sense, and just like with sans, it feels like they overcompensated waaaaaaay too much for the people who insist they're evil. On top of that, if you do chaotic before lv0, they don't even remember chaotic happening! They'd may as well have just been a member of the ghost family who likes following Frisk around when they're especially nice. Like Asgore and alphys, they've been sanded down and de-clawed to be 'wholesome' and 'perfect', and it just results in a bland, boring character who loses anything that made them interesting, nuanced and fun.

'Chara wasn't the greatest person'... Why, though? They don't have enough substance in this game for that line to really have as much impact.

Frisk

I'm gonna be honest - I actually ADORED their frisk at first, and I think that's because I started with a neutral run and ended up drawing them a lot. They felt silly and mischievous and interesting, and this continued into chaotic. They seem pretty chill with what's going on but then take that even further by being hilariously affectionate with Asriel and still doing silly things like being up for picking up the electrodampening fluid or drinking directly out of the fountain. They felt like a funny little mini-kris (save for being okay with all the murder ofc).

Then uhhhhhhh... That's when I experienced the second chaotic ending, the one without Asriel, as well as lv0. I feel like they definitely DID try to lean on the Kris angle on purpose in terms of their feelings on being controlled and stuff but it???? Just doesn't work very well? There's no ambiguity to this version of frisk once you've seen all the routes. Just like EVERYONE ELSE, they're just a perfect little angel who would never do anything wrong and anything past lv0 is just the eeeeeevil player influence or whatever. Come on, we have deltarune for that kinda approach to control �� (though even then, Kris is a layered and interesting character who isn't goodness and innocence personalised, and that's why they're cool)

In undertale, we have no idea what frisk is like as a person. WOULD they spare everyone without our influence? Would they kill? Would they be a scared child lashing out in self defense? Would they run from everything, then give up and let themselves die permanently somewhere? We just don't know! We're not supposed to know! It feels like it went back to the very early fandom interpretation where frisk is Good And Sweet and Innocent while Chara is evil incarnate - except this time they're BOTH the former.

It's a contradiction too! Why in the Asriel chaotic route are they so down to follow him, and pet him, and hug him every chance they get if they don't like all the stuff we're making them so? The player has no influence over Twinkly. Every single thing he did, he chose to do, and yet even if the only time frisk has seen him was him destroying their mercy button and forcing them to kill for him, they seem to love him to pieces and go along with whatever he says happily. What.

I feel like they didn't know what to do with Frisk here at all and it shows.

Other characters

This has been ridiculously long, but to quickly go over non-major characters... They did very few things to make Roman seem interesting, the amount of stuff hes implied to have helped Asgore with just reduces even further any influence or impact alphys had, and (a smaller nitpick)... Why didn't he use times new roman as a font when we DID see him speak in the archive/on the signal stars? It's such a missed opportunity...

Burgerpants was fun... Kinda. Developing him like this feels like something that should've happened DURING the actual game rather than before it though because it made him feel like a whole other person entirely? The poisoned food was very funny though.

Why is Snowy now Stardrake when his dad hasn't changed at all and Crystal looks like any other snowdrake? That was bizarre.

I actually really liked the humans! Establishing them as actual characters was really fun, and I especially like justice. Justice, at least in my opinion, is probably the most interesting character in this whole game tbh - someone who tried to do good but ultimately caused more harm than good, while NOT downplaying it, showing the consequences directly, and showing them work to try to make things better. The way we don't grab their item like the others in the twinkly fight nor go through an area for them in the archive (and just talk to them instead) really adds to their intrigue - what are they like? Who did they know? Is there something they don't want us to see? How are they strong enough to not need us to grab their weapon at all to lend their help? I think it's get funny that the only character I'm fully praising is the clover-adjacent one. Justice outertale they could never make me hate you

(that being said... seeing the way this game is clearly just supposed to be a 'fix' for undertale does sour my thoughts on the humans a little. did they only do this bc they thought them NOT being full characters in ut was bad/a problem with it? 🥴 This applies to the additional monster kid story focus too).

Speaking of monster kid... Them being an orphan was clearly just a plot device to give asgore more kids and therefore feel like he won more than Toriel. Monster kid in undertale seems like they probably did have real and loving parents, and they have a sister too!!!! Would've been nice if they'd at least done something with their sister :(

This got... Way longer than I expected, so I'll stop here. But outertale definitely gave me an even bigger appreciation for other ut fangames. My gripes with deltatraveler section 3 feel much smaller in comparison now, if tsus misses the mark on Flowey later down the line they've at least already done most characters so much more justice, and it really puts into perspective all the heart and soul that went into kissy cutie, as well as its genuine love got the source material and characters.

Sorry outertale, you weren't for me. That being said, if anyone disagrees with any of this then that's fine! These are all just my opinions and feelings on it after going through all the routes and talking about it with friends. Media is always gonna resonate with different people in different ways and that's a good thing! If your perspective on any of this is different and if you had way more fun with it, I'm glad you did and I genuinely wish I could've felt the same. I feel like at the very least, making it has probably been a great learning experience for the devs and I really hope they carry on making games and improving their skills. Hope y'all are thriving and having fun regardless 💙

#xan plays outertale #I'm not tagging it w the actual game name. that wouldn't feel right #again: most of this is salt. it's also an opinion piece #it was just nice to get my thoughts out there yknow?#if anyone manages to read all this i respect your perseverance tbh lol

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bunni-v1 · 1 year ago

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hii, congrats on 500 followers! if it’s okay, i’d like to request idia, trey and leona with D, J, K, M, and T for the NSFW alphabet ^^

🍓AGH I FORGOT YOU LAST NIGHT! I'm so sorry, I was so tired I didn't even notice you among the full list of requests. Please find it in your heart to forgive me!

TW: Idia is REALLY fucking weird; Incest mention (NOT between Ortho and Idia); Idia being a creep; Idia's kinks; Idia

Idia

D - Dirty Secret: Idia is known to watch the cameras at NRC. What people don't know is those cameras are EVERYWHERE (minus the dorm rooms and bathrooms). He sees the students "sneaking around" in broom closets and darkly lit hallways. He hears the muffled whines and moans of "exhibitionists" trying not to get caught. Little do they know they've had his eyes on them the whole time and he's enjoying himself right along with them. It's even better if you're involved (in the case that you're not together, though he's not against cuckolding completely). Seeing his crush be dominated (or do the DOMINATING) by someone else gets him all hot and bothered.

J - Jack Off: He is in a sexual relationship with his right hand. He jacks off all the fucking time -- at least thrice daily. It's always to the worst shit imaginable too, like fucked up incest hentai, anime girls that are HARDLY legal, the shit you'd imagine a shut-in to be into. He's embarrassed by it, 'cause the shit he does is so gross. He'd find it hot if you wanted to watch him though. He'd be all whiny and shy about it, but it's honestly the sexiest thing he's ever done.

K - Kink: The better question is what kink does he NOT have? Roleplay, marking, hardcore bdsm, cuckolding, blah blah blah. You name it, he's considered it and gotten off to it at least once. However, his favorite thing? Soft mushy sex. The kind where you hold his hand and tell him how good he's doing, how well he gets you off, how big his dick is, how pretty he is when he cries. Ugh, that's the shit for him.

M - Motivation: Brushing his hand with yours is enough to make him pop a boner. You can't blame him though, he's never felt the touch of another person who isn't his literal family.

T - Toys: Yeah of course he uses toys. He has a collection (that he HIDES like it's the nuclear codes or something) that he uses on himself when he feels like it. If you wanted to use them on him he wouldn't be opposed... if you want him to use them on you, well, that's even better.

Trey

D - Dirty Secret: Believe me or not, Trey is a fucking perv. He's REALLY ashamed of it because he's Heartslabyul's resident good-boy big brother. He's a role model for most of his dorm mates, so him creeping on the other guys in the locker room isn't something he wants to get out. Oh yeah, he's a panty sniffer lol.

J - Jack Off: Despite being a perv, he doesn't feel a need to get off all that often. Back at home, he doesn't have the time or privacy to. So he just learned to deal with a raging boner. However, when he does, which is rare, he prefers the fantasy of you under the table sucking him off during class over anything porn can offer.

K - Kink: Trey isn't all that kinky, other than the whole panty-sniffing thing. He likes things simple and easy, but he enjoys a power-dynamic kind of situation a lot. Never tell anyone this, but if you wanna play step-siblings with him, it's probably the hardest he ever cums in his life.

M - Motivation: Giving him personal attention over anyone else is a surefire way to get him up and going. Especially when other people want your attention, and you just hard focus on him. Sevens, he loves that, fuels a very rare possessive side of him that he doesn't let out often.

T - Toys: Nah, Trey's a pretty "I'm gonna do it myself" kinda guy. If a toy can give you more pleasure than he can, he's not really doing his jobe right, is he?

Leona

D - Dirty Secret: He wants to be DOMINATED. Put him in his PLACE, call him a good kitty, make him grovel, and beg for you to let him cum. It's his ultimate fantasy, and he wouldn't EVER admit it to anyone -- especially not you. He can't let you know you could have that power over him. (He's a hard dom until he's not, lol).

J - Jack Off: A lot of people say that Leona doesn't jack off but like...? Are we talking about the same character? There is NO WAY he doesn't just lay in bed and stroke it on a really lazy day. Like, yeah he doesn't particularly enjoy it, he'd rather have you, but you have to do what you have to do to get off.

K - Kink: Leona, surprisingly, isn't into anything too humiliating for his partner. I mean, he's got a humiliation kink that goes both ways -- but that's completely verbal degradation stuff. He's a choker, but he'd never slap you. He's pretty much into everything you'd expect a hard dom to be into, but he'd never physically hurt you. It's against his moral code.

M - Motivation: It's hard to get him motivated if he's not into something. So really, there's nothing that gets him motivated, he either wants to fuck you or he doesn't and nothing's changing his mind. Even that pretty silk set he bought you. He's tired now, come take a nap with him. (If you're insistent, he'll eat you out or smth, but don't expect much more than his mouth and hands.)

T - Toys: Leona, like Trey, is very much an "I can do it myself, we don't need toys" guy. And, he's right, he can. He honestly finds toys insulting to his ability and refuses ANYTHING like that ANYWHERE near him or you.

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #x reader #bunni's treats 🧁#leona kingscholar x reader #trey clover x reader #idia shroud x reader

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extralively · 1 month ago

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I have brain worms 🤭 Has Satoru and Yura ever gone clubbing on a random night throughout the years?

If they haven't, say hypothetically that they did, what are they like when they're dancing together? 😁 I can't stop thinking about them dancing together to millennial club music because they're 90s kids 🥴

Sorry this took me a couple of days to answer! And that's because I got inspired to write a mini oneshot about it LMAO

Clubbing

Gojo Satoru/Original Female Character Gen, Drunken shenanigans, Fluff 1849 words Summary: Satoru and Yura go clubbing with Utahime and Shoko... Part of this series

This one is set in 2017 before all the bad stuff happens, so Satoru and Yura are in a (mostly) established relationship! I had fun with this ngl, drunk Yura is really fun to write bwahaha

Early 2017

Clubbing had never been one of Satoru’s favorite activities. Sure, dancing was fun, but dancing in the middle of a crowd of people grinding up against you really wasn’t his idea of a fun time, especially considering how much booze was involved in the whole concept of clubbing. Finding someone to have a good time with rarely provided satisfactory results when he’d tried to do it in a nightclub—again, there was too much alcohol involved—so he generally tried to avoid it when he was by himself.

Of course, tonight he was neither by himself nor was he looking for someone to have a good time with—because that person had already come in with him.

“Cheers!” the three women called in unison before downing their shots in one go, as Satoru only looked at them with amusement. Utahime was in town, which meant Shoko and Yura had decided to have a night out together, and they’d ended up inviting him and Nanami to come along. Nanamin had declined though, claiming he just wanted to sleep, so Satoru was the only man in their little group... and soon enough, he’d be the only one sober too.

“Aaah, it’s so nice to de-stress,” Utahime said with a sigh, leaning back on her seat.

“Your students giving you trouble, Utahime?” he couldn’t help himself. “You’ve got some pretty strong ones to deal with these days, what’s a poor little weak teacher to do—oww,” he yelped as Utahime shot him a glare... and Yura sharply tugged at his ear.

Mostly the ear thing.

“Behave,” Yura chided him, tugging at his ear again. Satoru pouted.

Then he threw his arms around Yura, whining into her shoulder because oh why wouldn’t she let him tease Utahime?

Yura heaved out a sigh and downed another shot.

The music was loud as the four of them continued chatting with each other, one of the many reasons why Satoru didn’t care much for nightclubs. It was hard for them to chat like this, although Satoru would have to admit that he was enjoying the situation more than expected when he had to keep leaning closer to Yura in order for her to hear him, and she also had to lean closer to him. Sure, Yura was slowly starting to smell like alcohol as she and the other two kept drinking all those shots and cocktails, which wasn’t his favorite smell on her... but he wasn’t really minding that a whole lot right now.

And that was because of one very special effect that alcohol had on her...

“Let’s dance!” Yura called at one point, and Satoru was trying to bite back his grin.

Because even though he didn’t care much for alcohol himself, it actually got Yura loosening up pretty fast. And a loosened up Yura was a happy—and touchy—Yura, so Satoru followed her and the other two to the dance floor with his shoulders perked up.

It wasn’t hard to get in the groove of things, even if he was probably the only sober person in this entire crowd of people. Watching Yura dance around and laugh with Shoko and Utahime did help, and Satoru grinned as he followed along—pointedly bumping away any handsy sweaty dudes that tried to get a little too close.

(Seriously, why were there so many of them?)

But overall, Satoru wasn’t having a bad time at all. Yura seemed to be having fun, and Satoru was particularly enjoying himself watching her have fun, dancing around carefree in front of him. He may have purposefully pulled out some, ahem, retro dance moves in order to get her to giggle at him, which had been all worth it when he saw Yura’s beaming (and flushed) face, even in the middle of the flashing lights of the dance floor.

See? There was no need for him to get drunk in order to enjoy things. Yura seemed to be doing enough of that for the both of them...

Satoru let himself sway around as the three women downed more shots, turning away from them slightly as he followed the beat. He’d been in the process of turning back to them when he suddenly felt someone pressing against his side, and he quickly blinked down to find an unknown woman there.

The woman smiled up at him. Satoru only blinked down at her again, even though she probably couldn’t see it behind his glasses. His Infinity wasn’t registering her as a threat, but he still activated it to keep her away, since the woman kept trying to dance against him—

That’s when he felt two arms wrapping themselves around his torso—familiar arms, this time. Satoru’s face immediately broke out in a grin as he glanced behind him to find Yura pressed against his back, and not only was Yura trying to tug him away from the woman, but she was also pouting.

His grin widened.

Was she jealous?

“Yuraaa,” he called, even though he was drowned out by the loud music. The unknown woman was quickly forgotten as Yura’s fingers tightened on his shirt, still trying to pull him away, and Satoru happily let Yura do just that.

Then his grin widened even more when Yura pressed her face against his back, then even more somehow as she started to awkwardly sway around in place like she was trying to dance without actually letting go of him.

Well, if she wanted to get touchy, they could get touchy.

Satoru let his hands cover hers from where they rested on his front, trying to match the sway of his body to hers. A sober Yura probably would have never ended up in this position in public, so maybe Satoru was enjoying it a little too much while it lasted. The thought of her feeling jealous over him also tickled him to no end, and he caught the unknown woman from before shooting him disappointed glances as she found that he was, ahem, taken.

So taken that Yura still refused to let go of him at all.

(Satoru grinned at the thought.)

The loud beats continued, Satoru and Yura’s bodies moving together just a tad bit awkwardly with the lack of space between them as Yura still didn’t let go. Not that he was complaining—he was enjoying it very much. So much so that he almost whined when Shoko interrupted them to hand Yura a drink after she and Utahime came back from the bar.

“Hate to break this up,” Shoko said. “But here’s your drink—if you don’t take it, I will drink it.”

Yura unwound her arms from around his torso, and now Satoru was the one left pouting.

“I’m gonna start cutting you off,” Satoru told Yura, shooting the drink a look. He was half-joking, half-serious, because Yura was now at just the right level of drunkenness—loosened up enough to get touchy in public, while not quite at the level of regretting it all later.

“No,” Yura replied, trying to shoot him a glare that was mostly a pout.

“Yes,” he responded. He was trying to bite back a grin.

“No,” Yura repeated, and this time she pulled her drink away from him. She might actually be crossing over to the too much level of drunkenness right now...

“Yes,” he said again, lifting a hand to grab at her glass, playfully tugging it to him. So she tugged it back, and he tugged at it again, and they locked themselves into a half-hearted tug-of-war with her drink until Satoru eventually just grabbed Yura’s hand to twirl her around instead, making her pout immediately shift into a giggle.

He would let her have this one last drink—but that would be it. Otherwise he would have to deal with a drunk Yura begging for sex and/or karaoke later and he’d be stuck being the responsible one saying no.

He hated being the responsible one. He just wanted to enjoy a drunk, touchy Yura instead.

(So he did, as the two of them went back to dancing. Not quite pressed against each other like before, but this time around he allowed himself to always be touching her one way of the other—twirling her in place, tugging her by the hand, holding on to her waist...)

He really wouldn’t mind coming to a club more often, to be honest... as long as Yura was with him, of course.

The car door slammed shut as Shoko and Utahime finally left, Satoru having dropped them off at Shoko’s place as the designated driver for the night (and always). And immediately after, Yura let out a sigh from her spot on the passenger seat, turning to him with a glint in her eyes before he even started driving again.

“Satoru,” she called, and he turned to her with an amused eyebrow. Yura was staring at him dead in the eye, nodding at him seriously. “Let’s go karaoke.”

Satoru snorted. He couldn’t say he hadn’t seen it coming.

“It’s very late,” he said, and Yura pouted. “Plus, we’ve got karaoke at home.”

He had bought himself a karaoke machine for this exact occasion—to fulfill a drunken Yura’s ever-present desire to sing karaoke after drinking a little too much.

“But I wanna gooo,” Yura whined, throwing herself closer to him as much as her seatbelt would allow.

And Satoru grinned, even though her pout was making him want to cave in to her request.

“We’ll go to my place,” he said, leaning closer to her. “And I’ll let you karaoke for as long as you want, how about it?”

Their faces were very close now, and Yura’s intensified pout was doing something to his insides as his eyes looked down at her lips. And Satoru couldn’t help himself; his hand reached up to cup her cheek, thumb brushing over soft skin before he finally leaned forward to press his lips to hers.

He'd been meaning to do this all night...

When Satoru finally pulled away, he ended up grinning at the dazed look on Yura’s face—dazed, but pleased, her face flushed and her lips shining, almost urging him to dive right back in.

“...Okay,” she finally breathed out, her tongue poking out to lick at her own lips. “Let’s go have sex.”

Satoru snorted. His hand patted at her cheek. “Maybe if you were less drunk,” he said before pulling away, Yura’s ensuing whine making him snort again.

It took all his willpower to not lean back in, especially as Yura let out an adorable huff.

“Then I wanna cuddle,” she said, and Satoru glanced at her to find her pouting again as he started the car.

Satoru grinned. “We can cuddle,” he agreed.

“...Cuddle and karaoke.”

Satoru let out yet another snort at Yura’s negotiating. “We can do both at the same time if we go to my place.”

Yura perked up at that, falling back into her seat with a satisfied nod, and Satoru held back a laugh.

Drunk Yura really was so easy to please sometimes...

End notes: I hope this answered the ask hehehe. Sometimes inspiration just strikes me and bam there u go, but to put it short: it's rare for them to go clubbing, but they have done it on occasion. They're more likely to go to a bar or something, but that's also a mostly Yura and Shoko activity with Satoru occasionally joining in ('cause he doesn't drink).

Speaking of drinks, I just really like writing drunk Yura ehehehe. I think the reason why drunk Yura is so fun is because when we strip away her inhibitions, we find that she's just as silly and needy and clingy as Satoru, it's like those two are just made for each other! (I mean, technically yes, she is my OC.......)

It's just really fun to have Yura be the clingy one for once!

#gojo satoru #gojo x oc #jjk fic #gojo satoru fic #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #satoyura #my fics #asks #i'm still considering whether or not to post it on AO3 too because this ended up too short to be a full oneshot #but also too long to just be a tumblr drabble #maybe perhaps #for now just have it here and i'll post a link to it when i post the next chapter of the main fic

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receival · 3 days ago

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warrior of darkness starters.

the following is a collection of sentence starters from shadowbringers, the third expansion of square enix's final fantasy 14. part 1.

sounds like tedious work. but not as tedious as waiting around, i suppose.

look how many people there are!

well, if it isn’t the hero of the hour.

stay with me. focus on my voice.

oh, do not look at me so.

we did everything right, everything that was asked of us, and still - still it came to this.

your time has not yet come.

something vague … yet urgent … calls me to action once more.

every face in this city i know. yours i do not.

pray forgive my less-than-cordial welcome.

come with me. i will answer whatever questions you have when we are somewhere more private.

do you have any idea how much trouble you’ve caused?

i can only beg your forgiveness - matters here forced my hand.

you don’t have that whiff of indolence about you like some folk i’ve met.

we can speak here without fear of being overheard.

what say you? have i earned your trust for the moment, at least?

are you there, my friend?

now, a full and frank discussion in the privacy of my study would seem to be in order …

i’m going to guess you’re new to our fair city?

i see you’re no stranger to honest labor.

should you find yourself confused by the local language or customs, i’ll be here to answer your questions.

i understand it was something of a chore, but ‘twas necessary that you grasp these things before we proceed.

… i am not familiar with that name. is there something i should know?

mayhap we can revisit that mystery another time.

considering the ... circumstances of our meeting, you would be forgiven for doubting my version of events.

i promise i will not rest until i have found a way to help you return home.

you came from beyond, didn’t you? you came from beyond the rift!

what a brave and reckless and marvelous thing you did.

after careful consideration, i have decided to grant you my assistance.

make a pact with me, and the fun can begin.

pray rest and recuperate, and we shall reconvene anon.

we are denied the comforting blanket of night, but may peaceful dreams attend you nonetheless.

i am a shade, cursed to do naught but drift.

this world is beyond saving - like those who try to save it.

do me a favor. be careful out there. this world has had its fill of heroes.

me? i was more worried about you.

i thought i’d lost you.

i may be a stranger to this world, but i will not stand idly by and let innocent people be slaughtered.

what say you, old friend? hungry for another adventure?

thank you again. you saved my life.

there’s naught to be had here but cobwebs and memories.

just look at it … can you imagine a more beautiful city?

disapprove ...? it frustrates me, certainly. that is only part of it, though. the whole situation makes me uneasy.

however unjust this system seems to me, if these people claim to be content with their lot, it is hardly my place to criticize their choices.

i am not so naive as to think there is some miraculous solution to all of this.

there has to be a better way.

'tis fortunate that you arrive when you did, (name).

… is there something i can do for you, friend?

someone must have been eavesdropping on our conversation.

no one here gives a damn about me.

i’m giving you a chance, nothing more. what comes of it is entirely up to you.

i do not regret my decision ... yet i will admit that a part of me wonders if it was for the best.

i thought for certain i was dead.

redemption is beyond us.

‘tis good to see you back. you were taking so long i began to worry something had happened.

what then is a man of mercy to do, but offer the sinner another way to show his contrition?

what in the blazes did you do? they have the entire city looking for you!

i am sorry, (name). there are more important matters to which i must attend.

pray press me no further. i am leaving.

the outrage i witnessed must not go unanswered.

thank you, my friend ... for staying at my side through this whole sordid endeavor.

… (name)? it feels like an age since i last saw you!

i had it under control!

i knew you’d turn up sooner or later, but i had been hoping for sooner.

they either perish … or are warped into mindless abominations.

that’s an exaggeration! and i don’t sound like that, either!

i’ve no doubts she deserves all the admiration she gets. just as you do.

what, and twiddle my thumbs while you work yourself to death?

sooner or later, every single one of them will turn.

i feel just as helpless as before. no matter how hard i fight, it's never enough.

you needn’t have gone through the trouble.

in a place like this, you learn to take what moments of happiness you can get.

it’s never easy, ending a life you’ve cared for.

without a body, we can’t even give her a proper burial.

you weren’t hurt at all, were you?

hurt? there wasn’t even a fight. i was too late. too slow …

you can’t blame yourself for things beyond your control.

forgive me, (name). i couldn’t stay there a moment longer.

(name)? you’ve gone pale …

… i’m fine. we should keep moving.

we were too slow to save them …

there are … things which we can ill afford to lose.

forgive me. i fear the events of the day may have taken their toll.

how quickly you have justified my faith in you.

would you be so kind as to conceal your involvement in this endeavor for the time being?

i expect to be told the whole truth of it one day.

please. i wish to be left alone for awhile.

i promise to find you later, when i feel myself again.

sleep well, (name). i hope untroubled dreams find you.

these are my "private" quarters …

it’s when you charge ahead trying to save someone else that you end up losing those you love.

not that you need telling. i’ll bet you've lost plenty. but i wonder ... what will it cost you this time?

i don't remember when it was that i learned regret wasn’t worth the bother.

you get numb to it all over the years. the lost comrades, the broken promises, the abandoned principles - just more nagging burdens to ignore.

stay your weapon. i am not your enemy.

they tracked me down, and conscripted me to their cause.

i have more questions, but now is not the time.

you are come at a good time. as you may have heard, we have something of a quandary on our hands.

‘twas inevitable they would come knocking. the only question was how soon.

the world is dead, and writhe as we might, like maggots in its rotting corse, it will not be reborn.

i waste my breath. you have made your stance clear.

am i imagining things, or did he just stare straight at us?

while i am grateful for your support, my lord - i cannot in good conscience put your people in harm’s way.

there is, however, much to say, and precious little time in which to say it.

might i trouble you for a word, (name)? outside?

(name)! what brings you here?

i do not wish to show our hand unless absolutely necessary.

so long as hope burns in our hearts, we will fight on regardless.

there may come a day when all hope seems lost. but even should the rest of the world give in to despair - we shall not.

trust you to spoil the moment!

yes? what do you require of me?

there you are, (name)! mayhap you could lend me a hand!

you certainly took your time.

let’s rejoin the others and quit this place.

all this trouble because of me … i’m so sorry …

save your apologies until after we’ve escaped.

it’s quiet. too quiet.

you will regret coming here.

it is for your own protection.

you are made of sterner stuff than the rest. but will it be enough?

as if i didn’t have enough on my hands already …

mayhap there is another way. one which does not require bloodshed.

we should be safe enough here.

it’s good to see you again, my friend. i don't know about you, but it feels like years since last we met.

this is not the sort of place one visits on a whim.

you really have outdone yourself this time.

i’m sorry. thank you for saving me.

why can’t i remember?

we are now, i am sorry to say, entirely at their mercy.

#ask memes #rp ask meme #rp sentence meme #rp prompts #ask prompt #rp sentence starters #roleplay memes #sentence starter meme #sentence starters

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roseyswords · 5 months ago

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APOLOGY TOUR SPOILERS

Ok so, the beginning is always a good place to start I guess.

Blitzø and Stolas's conversation at the beginning was so wonderfully painful. As was everything this episode. Blitzø is opening this episode with his defense mechanisms up to the max. He's trying to act so casually about everything and force things into being how they were before.

And Stolas is rightfully pissed at him for it. He doesn't want to play around with these charades and masks he wants a real conversation that Blitzø is not willing to have yet.

And I love the invitation we see to the Fuck Blitzo party. Everything about that was great. Especially Stolas acting like he was so above it and totally wasn't gonna go but then he goes later. Like Im not sure if he's lying in that moment or if he decided to go after this conversation but I personally think he had already decided he was gonna go because he never gets invited to things and he's just lying in this moment. Cuz it's funnier to me.

Side note :I just find the fact that Verosika tracks down and sends an invitation to every person who can remotely be considered an ex so hilarious. That has got to be like some fucking work. Like we see Dennis later, and Dennis was a hookup at a party. Verosika has dedication to her cause.

But back to the argument at the beginning I want to point out two moments that are really interesting. The first one is when Blitzø says relationships are boring and Stolas calls him out on this and says " then why are you here?" Because whether Blitzø wants to recognize it or not he does want a relationship with Stolas but he is not ready to admit it. And you can just see in Stolas's face that he is hoping that in that moment Blitzø will say something that is letting his guard down and sharing his feelings and then the disappointment when that doesn't happen.

And then the second time this happens when Blitzø basically does say what he's actually thinking in that whole " what do you want me to say " part and Stolas just goes yes. Exactly. And Blitzø turns back to putting his walls up.

Also I forgot this until I was raving to my mother about the episode, but Stolas also finds out that Blitzø knew there was an assassin out there trying to kill him. And we can see he is upset about it. My brain is mush rn so I don't have a ton to say about this but that was a big revelation that happened here.

I think it's so funny that the part in the trailer for Blitzø opening that portal to DHORKS was him doing His little apology tour.

But then we get to the party and oh fuck, ok let's talk about the party.

I really like how that song with Stolas went. I like how as opposed to what we all thought going into the episode, that it would be a concert he's been invited to, it's more so like a group therapy session that everyone there participates in.

I feel like Stolas got to work through some of his emotions in that song and did some amount of emotional healing with it. It was something he really needed and something Blitzø definitely needed to hear.

I like how not everything was solved with Blitzø and Stolas's conversation afterwards but that there was still growth from it. Because Blitzø was finally honest with him about what he was feeling in that moment in Full Moon and genuinely apologized for how he handled it.

I feel like the show is taking turns with them in their relationship and right now it's just Blitzø's turn to reckon with what he's done wrong and be sorry about it. This is an episode that deals with Blitzø's emotional walls and how he hurts people.

But I also like how there are hints and breadcrumbs for what Stolas's turn will probably be like. Like at the beginning of the episode Stolas says when have I ever looked down on you? And a lot of us have our answers for how some of his behavior lent itself to that reading for Blitzø. And in his song he talks about how he's partly to blame for the situation that their relationship is in as well. But we're not fully dealing with these things narratively because it's not Stolas's turn again. Stolas's first turn spread from Ozzie's to Full moon with him realizing the effects and power dynamics of their deal. And him making right on that. And I feel like his next turn later on will be them dealing with the complexities of the power dynamics of their ranks.

But we don't have to fully deal with that yet because for right now it is Blitzø's turn.

I truly deeply love Blitzø's conversation with Verosika. Because he starts off with a fake apology and his defensiveness again. But when Verosika goes into how she felt and how shitty what he did to her was and how she's justified in her anger he gives her a genuine apology. This is a really big step for Blitzø and he's making a lot of progress this episode I feel. I especially love what Verosika says to him when Blitzø gets angry and jealous over seeing Stolas make out with that dude. ( Good for him btw he needed that). And Verosika says the first step to becoming better is saying "good for him. Hope he gets laid." Because I think it speaks to what caring about another person and being good to them truly entails. Which is just wanting what's best for them/wanting them to be happy even if that means being happy without you.

I really like how this episode handles Blitzø reckoning with how his actions hurt other people and the responsibility he has for that. This was a really painful episode for him but it was one that was really needed for him to truly grow as a person.

Woo that was a long ass post.

#helluva boss #helluva boss spoilers #stolitz #blitzø #stolas #apology tour #apology tour spoilers #helluva boss meta #reaction to the episode #I had so many fucking thoughts #and this isnt even all of them

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littlescaryinternetguy · 11 months ago

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A dramatic groan woke him up. He bolted upright at the volume of it, remembered the situation, relaxed a little. He slid out of his bed and pulled on a bathrobe, padded through the front room, and opened the front door onto a vista of sadness. There, in the early morning light, was the woman he loved, and who loved him, even though he was very, very small. So small that now his home easily fit onto her bedside table.

“Carol?” he called across the abyss between the bed and the bedside table.

“Oh fuck I feel like a cat who got run over,” said Carol, weakly. She stared straight up, blinking slowly. “I dunno if you should be here. I don’t wanna make you sick, Will.”

Will considered this. He shrugged mentally. “I’m not sure I can avoid it. If it’s coming for me, it’s coming. We’re in the same room and all.” She replied with a brief groan of acquiescence. He stepped onto the rickety but (so far) safe suspension bridge they had rigged up from the table to her bed.

When he made it across, he could feel the fever radiating from her, just from standing near her neck.

“You should probably call my sister. You’re gonna need some soup and lots of liquids.”

“Yeah…” She sighed and grunted and pushed herself up, called Tanya, who said she could be there in an hour or so. Carol hung up and flopped backwards, bouncing Will off his feet. “Oh fuck, sorry…” she whispered, and then clenched her eyes shut.

Will considered her. His partner, who had stayed with him even when he became smaller than a toy. Who was now largely immobile, breathing slowly and loudly. When her eyes were open she stared at the ceiling. She was the size of a demolished building lying on its side.

“I wish I could do something, hon,” he said. He put his palm on her neck. She flinched a little.

“That actually feels nice, little Mister Ice Hands.”

“Oh. Good.” He leaned his whole front against her, feeling her heartbeat thud dully against him. He felt her shiver pass through him.

“Ugh. Thanks.”

“I just wish I could do more.”

“You’re doing everything you can, hon. You are doing literally everything you can.”

“Yeah.”

“Not many people do literally everything they can.”

He leaned forward and kissed the warm soft wall of her neck.

“I’m supposed to be making you feel better,” he said.

“You are.”

He nodded, forgetting for a moment that she couldn’t see it. He thought for a moment. And then he started climbing the pillow by her neck.

“What are you doing?”

“Tell you… soon…” he replied, breathless with effort. Soon he came to a more gentle slope in the pillow as the weight of her head sunk in. Beneath limp strands of her hair was her ear, delicate and very sensitive. He waited to cool down some.

“It’s soon, Will. Spill it.”

“I’ll demonstrate.” He reached out and touched the back of her ear, near the top. She almost yelped, and jerked a little, enough to make him fall back. “If you stay still, I might be able to cool you off a bit. Every so often. Mr. Ice Hands, remember?”

“OK, I’ll try to stay still. Agh.” She clenched her eyes tight.

So he tucked his whole body between the top of her ear and her head. It was like climbing into a furnace for him, but he felt her shiver, then sigh.

“That’s actually really nice,” she said, weakly. He rolled out to cool himself down. “Come back!” she said, piteously.

“Let me cool off a second first,” he replied.

“Oh. OK.”

He did it again, and again she shivered.

“Look at us,” she said.

He looked at himself, and then the thicket of brown hair he was in, and the pink shell of her ear that disappeared into it. “Look at us,” he agreed. She breathed in sharply, pained, then let it out.

“I love you, hon,” she said. “Nobody has ever… gone so far for me.”

“Nobody has ever gone so far for me, either. I love you so much.” He pressed himself to her ear again, and was rewarded with another tremor. The phone rang and Carol turned her head with a jerk, catapulting him over her cheek, into the blast of her hot breath. She made a small noise of surprise, reached her hand up and caught him between thumb and finger. She gave him a kiss. Time was that such a tumble would have caused both of them to panic, but that time was a while back, and they knew the limits of what their bodies could and could not do to each other.

It was Tanya, saying she was running late. “It’s ok,” said Carol. “I’m feeling a little bit better. I’ve got a l’il bit here helping me feel better.”

#g/t #sfw g/t #g/t fluff #sfw giant/tiny #giant/tiny #sfw gt #cw: illness #my dreams are not so extravagent #if I could have this I'd be happy

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lbulldesigns · 7 months ago

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UPDATE (1 Month Later): AITAH For accusing my former best friend of trying to break up my relationship, and promptly ending our thirteen-year-long friendship?

Posted June 20th, 2021

TDLR: I (18M) allowed himself to get gaslit into believing that my best friend of 13 years was being toxic and possessive, and threw said friendship away without a second thought. And realized, too late, how stupid and rash I was being and now can't make things right because she ran away from home.

It's been a month since I last posted here, and have been getting comments asking for an update. I initially decided to not post here anymore, but figured that the people who showed genuine concern for Pow deserved an update.

Sorry for the silence, the past month has been emotionally taxing, to say the least, I'll try and keep this post short but fear it might be long.

So my last update ended with me at an Enforcers station with Pow's family, Van had managed to get hold of his best friend, who is also Pow, and Daisy's maternal uncle, to inform him and his wife about Pow's disappearance. The uncle appeared at the station shortly after getting off his flight, the two were on vacation and came home as soon as they found out Pow was gone, and went straight to the Enforcer at the front desk and just hands him a piece of paper.

I don't know what was on that paper, but suddenly the officer was super cooperative and calling the sheriff down to meet us.

There was a lot of back and forth between everyone, I honestly wasn't paying attention. But the uncle wasn't happy with how the whole situation was being handled, he was incensed with Van for not making sure Pow was where he expected her to be sooner, and was snappy with Daisy (for reasons I wasn't privy to).

He then turned his anger onto me and started interrogating me on how foolish I was and he wasn't pulling his punches, this man has a sharp tongue and a talent to hit where it hurts the most. He only stopped when his wife put a hand on his arm and just gave him a look, she then gave me a pitying look and he decided he was done with me then and there.

Long story short the sheriff stated that there was nothing they could legally do to search for Pow because she was 18 and had by all accounts left voluntarily, that they could put out a missing person for her in the hopes of performing a wellness check but considering she had gone home and taken some of her belongings and paperwork, the chances she'll hurt herself are slim and they couldn't waste resources looking for someone who doesn't want to be found.

We were confused for a second but then it was revealed that Cat, Daisy's GF, knows the sheriff (I didn't care to ask how) and had told her that her and Daisy had gone through Pow's room and found she had left her phone behind, as well as a note, and that some of her belongings were gone.

There was a lot of arguing going on at this point, mostly between Van and Daisy with him asking why she didn't say something to HIM earlier, but by this point I was checking out and only checked back in when Benny (my godfather) gently shook my shoulder to get my attention.

Everyone was looking at me, as if waiting for me to answer a question or something. Cat didn't say anything and handed Pow's phone to me, to show me something and what I saw made my whole body cold and numb.

There were chat logs between Pow and Kara, where Kara was being her "sweet self" and buddying up to Pow thanking her for her help with tutoring her for their science class. Apparently Pow was helping Kara with her studies because she was falling behind in science, and Kara was using this as an opportunity to become friends with Pow.

This would have been a good thing, except Kara was "helping" Pow realise her feelings for me, and encouraging her to confess her to me. She wasn't letting on that her and I were interested in each other, if anything she kept talking about me as if I were just an acquantance, a friend of a friend she says. I paid attention to the dates on every message and noticed when Pow finally decided to "take a leap of faith" and confess to me, was the same day Kara confessed she really liked me and asked if we could be offcial.

I felt sick and numb at the same time, I handed the phone back to Cat and then pulled my own out and unlocked it for everyone else to look through. I didn't say anything the whole time.

Everythign after that is a blur, everyone stood around talking but I didn't pay attention. Benny took me home but I didn't say anything. And when we got home, I just went to bed and didn't get out for a week.

Benny had called my school and told them that I was sick, and organised for my schoolwork to be delivered to my home so that I could catch up when I was feeling better. But I kinda just gave up on everything, my best friend was gone because of me and none of us could go look for her.

After a week, Clag (Pow's eldest brother) came into my room, took one look at me, sighed and then proceeded to fireman carry me out of my room and into the living room. Where Van, Daisy, and Zer were, to give me an intervention. They were worried for me and didn't want me to spiral further than I already was, Van told me that I made a dumb mistake but none of this was solely my fault, and that there were many contributing factors at play, and that giving up on everything wasn't going to help anyone let alone Pow.

I didn't fully believe him but a large weight had been taken off of my chest, Daisy said that she was there to talk at any point if I needed to and that she wasn't angry at me, she said that I was just as much a victim here as Pow, that the real person at fault was Kara.

I'll be honest I had completely forgotten about her at that point, and stupidly felt guilty for ignoring my GF before remembering that she was the drivng force behind everything. Suddenly I felt angry and sick all over again.

Zer noticed my change in mood and filled me in on what had happened at school, about how my friends and Kara had been planning on how to "get back" at Pow only for her to never turn up to school, and then I didn't turn up and wasn't picking up any of their calls.

She told me how she was in the girls toilets, hiding in one of the stalls trying to get hold of either me or Pow, when she heard Kara and her friends come in and listened to Kara bitching about how she couldn't get her "revenge" on that "blue haired bitch".

Kara had organised for half the school to meet up at the front of it, with half rotten tomatoes, ready to throw at Pow when she showed up. But she never did, and it spoilt the "fun" for Kara. One of her friends was being "comforting" and reminded Kara of the little gifts left in Pow's locker, Zer couldn't get a idea of what they emant because they were being vague.

One of the girls, apparently had an actual braincell and morsel of conscience, and asked if maybe Pow didn't actually know and if this wasn't a bit much. Kara actually groaned and said that "that was the point" and that everything worked out much better than she expected because of what a "simp" I am.

There are no words to describe how I'm feeling, even now. I want to say angry but that feels like an understatement, I probably shouldn't direct all my anger at Kara, I should never have been swayed, but the difference is that Kara had meticuosly planned this like a complete sociopath.

I wanted to get back at her, but I also did't want to be worse than her. So I did the only thing I could think of. I dumped her over text. I just said "I know everything. We're done" and then blocked her number, after saving screenshots of her messages. She never said anything obviously incrimidating, but I felt it was worth doing so anyway.

I also told Zer about the messages between Pow and Kara, and Zer just said "leave it to me". She also told me that she wanted to still stay friends, but that she wouldn't hold back in any ass whooping in the future if I got stupid again.

For now, Benny has organised for me to take an extended leave from school on the condition that I do all of my schooling online. He also organised with Pow's aunt for me to volunteer at the food drive and community centre she runs, I'm thankful for how much of a caring person she is. She adores Pow and is disappointed in me for my actions, but she's also a forgiving person and believes in second chances.

I'm sorry for the long post, this will be the last post I make about all of this. I wish that it could have ended with Pow coming home, and everything being well again but it isn't.

She's still gone, but knwing that she took money, clothes, and necessary paperwork with her makes me hopeful that she'll take care of herself. She's an incredibly intelligent person afterall, maybe one day I'll see her in collage or run into her on the street.

But until then, I'll work on myself. Better myself. And hopefully grow to be a better man, than I was a boy.

Thank you to everyone who simultaneuoly kicked some sense into me, and showed support throughout all of this.

Take care.

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