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kidspawn · 3 months ago

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go on the rant GO ON THE RANT ANOUT MISCHARACTERISATION did I even spell that right

Sorry for taking so long oh my lord, I got a little intense with this. I wanted textual evidence, and I went on a few fanfiction-reading and tumblr sprees to really gather my points here. I treated this like a college essay. So consider this a sociological essay on fandom behavior and ill incorporate it into my thesis. So, Thank you for this opportunity to vent one of my biggest fandom pet peeves! I shan't squander it!

My issue with mischaracterization comes down to the characters being mischaracterized and the traits of theirs that are warped. Now don't get me wrong, OOC is a fandom-typical behavior. I did it a lot when I was younger, and I even engage in it now for goofy moments! Is exact characterization necessary for a fluffy AU or a goofy little dribble? No. Sometimes we just want to write something cute and fun.

My issue with it comes when we're writing something that does require accurate character interpretation. Now, I won't directly tell someone they're writing OOC - I usually just ignore it and keep reading or I just press the back tab because it's really not that deep. But it does bother me. I'm not the ultimate authority over how a character should be written - that changes based on the creator, narrative, how the creator interprets and even projects onto them.

To express why, allow me to do a bit of a case study of characters who are often mischaracterized in the (numerous) fandoms i participate in. I've seen some shit. If you don't know the character, don't worry, it'll tie into some cohesive point. Bare with me. Remember, this is just my opinion. I actively encourage intellectual conversation about things we disagree on! This isn't targeted at a specific person, it's just a list of some trends i see in fandom behavior. Also this isn't edited.

(If you want to skip down, there's a TL; DR at the end. But be warned I was just sleep deprived enough for this to be hilarious and you'd be missing out on my utter genius. Never ask an autistic to describe their favourite characters if you don't want a 20 page notes app essay.)

1. Wylan Van Eck - Six of Crows.

Now, this is the character that spurred my thoughts here. Wylan's mischaracterization in the SOC fandom is interesting because I think it just shows a misunderstanding of the character and his arc. Maybe you only read the first book or watched the show. The majority of his development happens in the second book, where his true personality is allowed to shine. But there are definitely hints throughout all his "screentime" if you will.

Wylan is often portrayed as a bit of a "sunshine boy", an understandable interpretation because several characters in universe seem to agree. It's one of the biggest commentaries on him from the rest of the cast - he's a little rich boy, he's innocent, he's barely qualified to be their demolitions expert. None of which is true, by the way, but that's the base level explanation given to Wylan. (Actually the unraveling of this portrayal is integral to his relationship with the other crows but more on that another time.)

Wylan did grow up relatively sheltered, which can make him pretty naive at the start of the story. He hasn't really been participating in the criminal world for long. But innocent he is not. Wylan is pretty quickly revealed to be remarkably intelligent, even a bit of a mad scientist. He's directly compared to Kaz on multiple occasions, and his backstory serves as a direct parallel to Kaz's. He's a well meaning kid, who expressed a deep empathy towards others on multiple occasions. Which, once again, isn't innocence - it could maybe be a product of him being a bit naive? But I've always interpreted that as a special strength of Wylan's. He blossoms into a bit of a mad genius, but one who still cares about people. The idea that caring about others makes you weak is one that we see being addressed with Kaz, actually, so I always find it interesting when that same concept isn't applied to Wylan? I love Kaz and I love Wylan and the thread between the two is one of my favourite aspects of the series.

Also, I think it's important to point out that in terms of sexuality, Wylan isn't some uwu innocent gay boy? He's heavily implied to have at least some degree of sexual experience, whether it's rumour or reality. And if you factor in the TV show, he's plenty confident in his sexuality and its expression thereof. So the strange interpretation of him as someone who's never engaged in any sexual activity is interesting to me?

His relationship with Jesper is often mischaracterized, as well. This weird depiction of Wylan woefully pining after Jesper with little confidence or desire to do anything about it came almost out of nowhere? And the whole Kuwei situation. It's been awhile since I read the books, but I distinctly remember Wylan being pretty pissed about that whole situation. Like, really pissed. And super abrasive about it. He knew he and Jesper liked each other and he put that boy through the WRINGER over that kiss. Like saying Wylan is an uwu soft sunshine boy when he actively threatens to throw people off a boat because they have a crush on their partner is kind of hilarious, to be honest. Wylan was locked the hell in when it came to Jesper. It was very much not a sad one sided crush. And as much as I like the TV adaptation (Jack Wolfe as Wylan is the definition of perfect casting btw) I do think it strips a lot of the nuance of the relationship. Or not. I like both portrayals, but Wylan is infinitely more assertive in the books. He actively challenges Jesper and pushes him. Jesper noticeably likes him more when he, for lack of better words, "bites back." When he stands up for himself. Which he is good at doing. He also lies to and manipulates Kaz. Before that, he frequently talked back to and challenged Kaz at every turn. Is he always right? No, but he has his principles and he puts his foot down. The kid is stubborn. I equate Wylan's arc to Parker's from the show Leverage, which has a lot in common with SOC. Namely that Wylan is almost being fashioned into someone who could take Kaz's place, if that makes sense? Actually, the Wylan/Kaz comparison is so important to me and that could be a separate post.

Wylan's mischaracterization is fascinating because it's less a gross misunderstanding of who he is, and more ignoring the depth and multiple facets to make him seem submissive (don't even tell me that's not what it is lmao) and soft and super sweet. Wylan is kind of a snarky shit! And that's ok! He's also stubborn and intelligent and yes, a little naive, and overall kindhearted, but he sticks to his guns He'll help hijack a tank and blow shit up, but he's also a highly empathetic and sweet artist. He's a little unnerving, if you think about it. He's cryptic about his background, he likes bombs, he plays the piano, he matches Kaz's freak, he lies constantly, he's sixteen and a member of the merchants council and attempting to overturn its entire structure. He built bombs for a living. He likes chemistry. Have you ever met a chemistry nerd? They're weird. In the best possible way. Wylan is weird. Please write him weird, please write him as a smartass. He's a sweet kid but he's mouthy.

Edit: I was rightfully called out for saying Wylan likes chemistry, and I was wrong. Which is really funny because this was meant to be about mischaracterization and I actively perpetuated a mischaracterization. Anyway.

Anyway,

2. Adam Parrish - The Raven Cycle

This one is personal. Not just because I was (affectionately?? I hope??) called the "Adam Parrish my friend group" (To this day, how am I supposed to take that?) or because Adam is probably my favourire book character of all time, but because the softening of Adam by fandom really ruins a lot of why he's such a well-written character? Idk, I know many people (including Maggie Stiefvater herself) have expressed that he's difficult to write. Which is fair. He's a walking contradiction. But reducing him to sad abused boy (which, like it or not, is what fucking happens) really bothers me. Because Adam's anger and his coping throughout The Dream Thieves cements him as one of the best examples of healing I've seen in awhile. Because it isn't pretty or enjoyable to watch. Adam is actively lashing out. Understandably so, btw. He's angry and he feels cornered and he's attempting to undo a lifetime of internalized hatred and trauma. And he's doing his damn best not to be like the people who hurt him. This portrayal means everything to me - as someone who, to start, is in constant fear of being like their abusers, and who hadn't ever seen abuse victims being angry before. I read this series when I was sixteen and filled with anger, and to read it again in my twenties when I've only just started to understand that this anger was a result of emotional and physical abuse. Anyway, it's difficult for me to not make this part a little personal, because Adam is a very personal character to me. And no, I have never murdered a man, but tbh I would if I had been in his position and I'm in full support of anything he does. Adam spends TDT attempting to reclaim agency. Because Adam is a little control freak and everything in his life has spiraled out of control, and he's grasping onto what little he can control. So he gets mean, and he's angry and scared and it's not pretty and it's not what people always want to see. But it's also very realistic, especially for a teenager with very little emotional intelligence. (Adam I love you. You are not emotionally aware.)

But once again, he's written as a lot softer by fandom. And not in the way he chooses to be softer (because Adam does actively fight and choose to be softer, especially when he loves someone - I think Opal is a great example.) but because it's easier to write. Which, fair, Adam isn't the easiest to write. I could reiterate and explain that Adam can kind of be an asshole and he's emotionally constipated and he is willing to malewife, manipulate, manslaughter his way out of a situation. Adam is willing to do what it takes to survive, even at his own expense. He's spent seventeen years in survival mode, and he never really learns how to turn it off?

Like with Wylan, who I compare to Kaz to emphasize how he's mischaracterized, need i remind the crowd that Adam and Declan would form a fascinating venn diagram? I'll never get over Adam being called a "creepily clever little fuck" or Adam admitting to studying Declan's behavior and imitating the behavior of people he actively dislikes because he wants to be respected and seen as one of them. While actively hating their guts, mind you. Also him and the Grey Man. Who Adam is also constantly compared to. I'm surprised more people don't talk about his active identity crisis in the Dreamer's Trilogy. He's only found one person he can be himself around. Adam has spent years and years building personalities and fabricated backstories and stretching truths. He's polite because people want him to be, he's gentle because it's what's expected. And I'm not saying these aren't parts of him, but it's almost like he's stretching these parts of himself to hide the parts of himself he finds less appealing. I think an integral part of Adam is having secrets, and as much as he'd like to known, he's too used to being unknowable to open up?

I also think his dynamic with Ronan is frequently mischaracterized. Which, by the way, I love p

Pynch so much? Like they make me physically ill. Ronan and Adam are, affectionately, two assholes who love each other very much. The fact that Adam is comfortable enough to fight with (i think I even recall a few allusions to some lighthearted physical fights, nothing full on) and bicker with and be abrasive Ronan is a big deal. He isn't worried saying the wrong thing is going to send him running? (I also think part of this is Ronan likes that a pretty boy is kinda mean to him which is very valid im not gonna lie) They've both gotten used to each other's jagged edges and they show the uglier sides of themselves because they know the other can handle it without judgement. Pre-series pynch is really fascinating to me and I wish we had gotten it more, actually. They had a really beautiful friendship dynamic, and seeing how comfortable Adam is around him really speaks to how well they work together. I bet if Ronan had kept it up at that pace, they'd have gotten together in ten years. He was just playing the long game, guys. He had a plan. This is often just scraped and turned into an enemies to lovers dynamic (which, i guess, was how Adam maybe perceived it? Ronan was doing a victorian slow burn.) And I wish I could speak on Adam's character without bringing up Ronan but these codependent motherfuckers make it impossible. Ronan's involvement in Adam's arc provides a lot of insight into who Adam really is, not who Adam desperately wishes he was.

Am I going somewhere with this? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe I just want to gush about Adam Parrish. Can you blame me?

The pynch dynamic is where Adam is often miswritten, in my opinion. It's subtle, but the two aren't always written as equals, and them being and feeling like equals is a huge deal to why they work. Because they treat each other like people, not projects. Neither of them thinks the other needs fixing, neither does either of them expect everything to be easy. They're both relatively abrasive individuals, and it works because they're able to be openly abrasive with each other. Not because either of them is fixing the other. They slowly learn to be more vulnerable and depend on each other, but that's because they establish that by being their authentic, untempered selves. It's why the best Pynch fics involve them flirting by picking on each other.

Also, and this will seem petty, and it's probably a personal gripe of mine more than anything. In universe, Adam is not oblivious. (Like I said, everything is different and I have both written and ready oblivious Pynch!) He is fully aware that Ronan has a crush on him. It's actually my favourite part of that mid series dynamic. Adam knows. Ronan doesn't know that Adam knows. Adam doesn't know that Ronan doesn't know that Adam kno-

Adam chooses to be oblivious because he has poor self esteem and doesn't think he's worthy of being the object of Ronan's affection. Not because he can't tell. Because Ronan was being so obvious I picked up on it in the first chapter they showed up in together, but I digress. Adam is smart. But he's also really insecure. And has a huge fear of being overly reliant on other people. Which creates friction.

But when he locks the fuck in and decides "eh screw it im getting a boyfriend out of this" and just starts shamelessly flirting thats djsjdjsjdj. Like good on him. Adam just goes "fuck it someone needs to make shit happen." Which happens, mind you, after Adam has begin to reclaim his agency and sense of self directly after escaping an abusive situation. People grow and find themselves once they're in safety. Pynch progresses because Adam is able to heal on his own terms.

However, my biggest gripe with how Adam is written in his relationship with Ronan revolves entirely on the really odd gender roles people sometimes force on Adam? I like their relationship because it's a queer relationship where both characters are very masculine. (Assume I'm using the antiquated concept of masculinity). I mean they're both very obviously teenage boys. And they interact like two very dumb teenage boys who are in love with each other. I like seeing them be young and stupid and in love. I think of the grocery cart scene daily. Sometimes Adam is written in a way that almost feminizes him and ruins that refreshing element of their dynamic. Ignoring that out of the two, Ronan is probably the most unconventional in his masculinity. Just by the way. But I digress.

This turned into a meta analysis on Adam and Ronan but I hope my point was clear nonetheless: write Adam how he's written. Which is achingly complex, and difficult to simplify for a specific reason. He wouldn't work as a character if he was stripped of any of these details. Please don't reduce him to make him more palatable.

(I could rant about Adam more, specifically his bisexuality but Ive gone too far. Maybe another time.)

3. Akechi Goro - Persona 5

I have a Persona 5 icon and it's my duty to talk about Akechi Goro, my favourite little guy. My unhinged little man. What a little freak. What a delightful slap in the face.

I've compared Akechi to Adam before, which to many seems like a bit of a jump but rest assured when I lay it out side by side I'm kind of on to something.

I like Akechi a lot. Major comfort character. And he's a controversial character within the Persona fandom because he's done some pretty shitty stuff. Mostly because of the murder and blackmail and the betrayal and the-

But this isn't to defend Akechi. He needs no defending. He did it all and I don't care he should walk free anyway. Can we blame him? He's a Gemini. Also, he was SEVENTEEN. Probably younger when the (multiples) murders occurred. I feel like we ignore this a lot when talking about Akechi. Do you think his prefrontal cortex has been developed??? Look at him. He's got until at least thirty before his neural networks are refined. Also, and maybe this is controversial, as somebody with daddy issues, if I thought murdering someone would get people to care about me I probably would have as a teenager. Because guess what, the parent who cares about you literally dying, then not having parents, then having a parent who refuses to acknowledge you and uses you as a tool to achieve their own goals tends to send some people a little off the rails. Also, mathematically, that is a young teenager doing murder. A literal child. He doesn't need prison he needs therapy. Also sometimes murder is the answer and I think we should consider he was just doing what needed to be done. More of us should murder. And maybe he was just flirting? If you criticize the attempt, maybe you're just homophobic.

Ok, so all joking aside, yes Akechi did some appalling shit. Like. Enough for a life sentence. And when people jump through hoops to say what he did was ok ("oh he didn't have a choice" "oh he's just a victim uwu") it completely disregards why Akechi is such a well-written character. I dislike people trying to sanitize Akechi, because that directly contradicts what his arc is about - being authentically himself, after years of pretending to be something he isn't. (Are we seeing a trend here, folks?) Stop writing Akechi nice. Stop making him some sad misunderstood little boy. He's a teenager who, yes, did what he did by convincing himself it was how to survive and take back control of his life, but he also committed several unforgivable atrocities. We can understand, even sympathize with, his actions, while acknowledging they were horrible. Reducing him to an uwu sad victim ruins the nuance and intrigue of who he is. He's an asshole, he's cynical, he hates the world, he's never had anyone he can be himself around prior to meeting the protagonist, he won't accept help or support because free will is his greatest pride. He wants to be his own person. Also he's kind of funny. Just saying. I think we can forgive him a bit for being funny. As a treat.

Also, in regards to shipping (because poorly handled shipping is the bane of every nuanced characters good writing) Akechi is not only canonically very rude (i get a little jolt of happiness when writers make him rude, btw. it's like a little treat. here, mean!Akechi) when he's not playing a facade (even when he is, he's just passive aggressive), he also actively wants to be better than other people. Which affevts his dynamic with Akiren, who is the other side of the same coin. And he gets a little... uh....stabby when he's not. Maybe he hurts our feelings when we've spent hours befriending him only to be told he hates us-

But need I remind you a few details about Akechi fandom forgets that pisses me off: He's implied to regret some of the murder (not a justification, just a regret) but sees it as necessary, he likes that Akiren is willing to be combative and disagree with him, he appreciates honesty and authenticity, he doesn't believe when people like him, he's a little fucking unhinged, he trauma dumps every opportunity, he likes bouldering, and he is TALLER THAN AKIREN. Everytime we twink-ify Akechi an angel loses its wings. In my heart he's alive and he went to therapy and got the diagnosis he needs. I've read some gorgeous fic that really addresses the nuance of Akechi growing up and learning some healthy coping mechanisms. And getting a dog. I think Akechi should get a dog.

4. Tim Drake - DC Comics

...

So.

You've made it this far. Congratulations, you've hit my peak brainrot. As a DC Comics fan, I'm accustomed to varying characterization. Tim Drake is a character almost no one can seem to write well. Because there's little to no consistency. So it's difficult to say "hey this is wrong or bad writing" in fan works because... well, there's probably a comic or show or cartoon with that characterization! Even his arguably best comic, Red Robin 2009, is out of character - though this out of character decision is thematic and works for the fact that his entire life has been tossed into a fucking blender on puree mode. So, it'd be easier to say how Tim shouldn't be written? And the biggest issue here is that the poor writing is an example of fanon bleeding into canon. Preaching to the choir here, I know. But seriously.

Tim Drake's feral wet cat energy seems to get thrown into an interpretation that he's some sad, simpering little guy who just bends over backwards and lets shit happen to him. Which is just... not my favourite writing of him. I think we forget that Tim Drake is kind of an asshole. Like, I've always compared him to Peter Parker in that regard. I'd actually encourage more people to lean into Tim being a messy, skateboarding, too-smart-for-his-own-good teenager. Because it's my favourite interpretation of him. Bro is too smart to finish high school. That's so funny to me. But guess what, because of that and dropping out of high school he's lost a significant amount of socializing time with people his own age.

Which brings me to my biggest gripe with how Tim is written: He has negligent parents. Like. Not full on abusive, according to most interpretations, but parents who either weren't there or didn't really give a damn, or who kind of gave a damn but didn't really understand him or really try. Which doesn't necessarily make them the worst parents in the world, of course, but depending on the severity upon which it's written Tim is easily a kid who grew up way too fast. It's probably why he developed the relationship with Bruce that he did - he's been trained to behave and act like an adult (though he chemically is incapable of that, mind you) and to take care of himself, and that has led to him being a little emotionally stunted. And a little isolated from people his own age. Is this a trauma like... say.... being beaten to death in a warehouse at fifteen then brought back to life? No. But it is a specific form of trauma people love to dismiss. Because as a post I recently reblogged pointed out: Normal teenagers with normal parents and healthy coping skills don't become vigilantes. I don't know where the hatred of Tim Drake comes from but calling Tim Drake well adjusted and self actualized is so fucking funny, actually. The closest we got was the end of the Red Robin run, which was immediately eradicated with the arrival of New 52. Idk, Tim wasn't properly loved or socialized with kids his own age and that can really mess a kid up. Just a thought to consider.

Also, Tim is snarky and maybe a little full of himself in a way teens tend to be. Like... he got his ass beat by his dead predecessor and not only held his own but continued to mouth off and insist he was better when he was being threatened with murder. Damian went "hey I'm gonna kill you" and Tim basically said "OK bet." Awkward little boy Tim Drake (WFA Tim Drake, to be fair) is fun! It's cute! But it leaves out how utterly unhinged and unsettling Tim can be. Depending on who you ask, Tim has a bit of a stalking problem. And if you read a different set of comics, at best he hyperfixates a little too hard. The usual points for why hes a weird dude stand, but most of those come from the Red Robin run (which, as I mentioned, is kind of OOC because of the trauma dump) and aren't typical Tim behavior. But I'd also argue most well adjusted people don't engage in half the actions Tim resorts to during periods of stress....?

(Not to mention he's canonically the Robin most likely to become a supervillain.)

(He's also a bad boyfriend. He's a better friend than a boyfriend.)

I did notice the mischaracterization took over when he was confirmed queer! Which is! :) Interesting! :) I wonder! :) What about him being :) queer :) could have POSSIBLY :) led to his mischaracterization as an :) awkward soft boy :)

I love gay panic Tim and I actually liked the foundation of his relationship with Bernard, but it came at the expense of everything else I like about Tim which is that he's messy and a little pretentious. And does shit like "hey i can have a girlfriend as Robin and a girlfriend as Tim". i also loved the idea of his identity crisis being tied to a sexuality crisis! Then it just fizzled out. Not the point, but I did notice an influx of mischaracterization when he was confirmed queer and they sanitized all his problematic traits because DC seems to be afraid of making their queer male characters interesting and messy. Messy bisexuals deserve representation too.

Tim can also legitimately be very sweet. His relationship with all his friends is a testament to that. I've never loved romantic Timsteph, but their sweet moments are very important to me. I love the idea of them developing a platonic relationship. And not because i want more gay stuff, but because i think they're healthier when they're platonic. They're better for each other as friends.

Also, his relationship with Bart and Kon. Believing in Bart when people dismiss him as being a hyperactive idiot. The emotional depth of his and Kon's friendship. Like, romantic or not WOW. it's incredibly well-written. Tim is legitimately just... a messy teenager. A well-meaning, snarky, emotionally stunted teenager with parental issues. Him being a teenage CEO does nothing to negate how messy he is. I'd argue he should be written messier. Let messy people be messy.

Also give me more overcomplicated plots to solve issues that really shouldn't be complicated? When I say Tim is too smart for his own good, I mean he's the type to plan a military coup to cover his coming into class late. Some of the best Tim characterization I've seen shows him being paranoid enough to set up a ridiculous amount of schemes for simple issues.

Basically, people like to dumb him down or they don't make him dumb enough. Because he's smart dumb. He's smart but he's stupid. He's a 90s dork. Alexa, play I'm Just A Kid by Simple Plan.

5. Nico Di Angelo - PJO

I could speak on any PJO character here, frankly, but I'm choosing Nico because he's been stuck in my head since I knew how to analyze characters. I took one look at that little gremlin and I weaved him into my identity for the rest of eternity.

I forgive people for this one because Rick Riordan can barely figure out how to write Nico, but it's ok because he's Uncle Rick and he tries. I figure the best way to explain Nico's writing is that when Rick is on his shit, it's some of the best writing I've ever seen. When he's off, it's almost unreadable. And I love Nico. He introduced me to gay people. I did not know you could be gay before Nico was gay. But OH MY GOD i need this fandom to write Nico with SOME depth, even when his author can't. And as a disclaimer: I like most Nico ships. I'm so pro shipping in almost every capacity. I think shipping is fun and goofy and should just be a good time. Jason and Nico? Hell yes. I love them. Nico and Leo? Underrated dynamic. Nico and Will? Did I mention learning about gay people??? Solangelo introduced me to Troye Sivan and it was all downhill from there. Now I'm trans and biromantic. The transitive property of homosexuality. But when I say shipping can mean the absolute downfall of a character? Yeah, I'm thinking about Nico.

When Nico gets shipped he can often be stripped of all his interesting qualities. Nico and Percy's relationship loses a lot of it's depth, the intrigue and the best parts of it are reduced to Nico having a crush. Nico and Jason is reduced to a gay crush. Nico and Will become a perfect, fluffy gay couple. This is, obviously, not for everyone! I follow some wonderful individuals who ship and create content for these ships who really nail it! But when people don't, it just dhshfhsjhfrjjr Do we not like interesting things????

I liked Will and Nico because they pushed at each other. Will had a backbone and he kind of calls Nico out on some bullshit. Now, if Nico had been given an opportunity to explain that he wasn't imagining his isolation and if Rick acknowledged it was a weird choice to retcon that....? But nevermind.

Going into Nico's character. I might get a little mean. Let's power through!

Nico is classified homosapien, category emo. Which is cool. I'm in my early twenties and I also wear black nail polish and old band t shirts! But the weird fixation on it by fandom is so weird to me. Specifically because if Nico shows an ounce of developing past that, fandom gets so weird about it? Like, TSATS is a flawed book. But I like Nico getting to be a little happier. If it was fleshed out a little longer, Nico could slowly become someone like who he was at the beginning of the series - not exactly the same, because that's not how healing works! But him joking around is a good thing. Him smiling and laughing and healing is good. He's still struggling tremendously, but he is healing. And there's some weird push against that idea. I don't love how it was portrayed, either, but I actually love the idea of Nico healing.

Nico, prior to the big splat, was awkwardly social. And probably autistic. But thats a conversation for another day. He was traumatized, yes, but he had interests and he got excited about things! The absolute trauma train that followed battered him down and warped him. And that was something I, and many others found comfort in. Seeing a mirror image of our trauma in a character is such a big deal, especially when you find out this character you adore and have latched onto for years is queer! But the second Nico shows any development past being sad and worn and beaten down the entire fandom seems to work itself into a frenzy??? He's not a sad boy all the time and for some reason that pisses people off.

Also, Nico is more multifaceted than fandom (or Rick??? for some reason???) gives him credit for? He's mouthy and self destructive and overconfident in his powers. He's self loathing and insecure and polite to adults. He gets along with Dionysus of all people. He's quiet and introspective and notices the little details. He befriends odd creatures no one else seems to like. He gets excited and infodumps. He's a dork. He's worked towards pride in his identity. He's still grappling with internalized homophobia.

He's short. He's gay. He's empathetic. He's also an incredible swordsman. He's creepy. He's tremendously powerful. He gets reduced to a gay stereotype by fandom all the time. And by Rick, sometimes. Which... don't get me wrong, Nico finding Anakin Skywalker hot is funny as all hell. But there's so much nuance in how Nico is portrayed as a queer character. Specifically because many people didn't see it coming because Nico is so much more than a gay guy. Or he was, to start. But surprise surprise, once he's confirmed queer fandom attitude just... shifted. In a weird direction. I think, once again, taking the parts of a character that maybe make them seem a little "unsavory" or "complicated" and reducing them so they're easier to like or write is just in poor taste and comes from a deep misunderstanding of the character.

I could go off longer about Nico, but I think I've made my point. Once again, I see fandom reducing him to a handful of stereotypes and making him softer and less complicated.

Honourable Mention to Oikawa Tooru, who didn't fit the theme. Megumi Fushiguro, who didn't fit the theme. Neil Josten, who i would've written too much about. And many more.

TL;DR:

"Wow, Jay, what an odd combination of characters you've selected! How could you possibly tie them together!?" What do these guys all have in common? They're almost all queer men in queer relationships who have dealt with trauma as crucial point within their individual arcs.

(Disclaimer that Akechi is not confirmed queer, but his VA and the game itself likes to poke at it, and fandom has almost unanimously decided it's canon. People who write him almost always write him as a queer man. And it's my post.)

My ultimate point here is, that while mischaracterization happens to characters in every area of fandom, the trend to make queer male characters who have suffered trauma into soft boys is a particular pet peeve of mine. And I don't think I'm reaching with that. Characters like Tim or Nico, who were treated differently pre and post queer arc, are examples of how them being in queer relationships alters how people think of them. They're stripped of their nuance and their personalities and their grit so can fit into a mold for their queer relationships. Which is a massive disservice to their character, and an even worse disservice to what their attitude and behavior when healing from trauma represents. Characters like Adam or Akechi, who have what many consider "unsavory" responses to trauma (and contradict the perfect victim mentality) get sanded down for shipping purposes.

I hope this is insightful. I went into several cans of monster and my fingers have gone numb, but I needed to get this out. If I made you angry, please tell me why. But also know it's fandom and I acknowledge that fandom culture and behavior is all in good fun! OOC isn't always a bad thing, it can be fun! But I find analyzing fan behavior and character analysis absolutely fascinating and love getting asks like this!

#damn i should start a youtube channel #wylan van eck #six of crows #adam parrish #the raven cycle #akechi goro #persona 5 #tim drake #dc comics #nico di angelo #riordanverse

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thebibliosphere · 1 year ago

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Sorry if this is an obvious question but with the impending doom stuff- how different is that to. Hm how to phrase this. I have a sort of long term foreshortened future thing going on with my illness where I'm Always certain I'm going to die soon, and sometimes I get periods of Oh it's Getting Closer. I don't really feel afraid, but I tend to seek medical help anyway just in case- and in most cases something is wrong. Usually I have a virus.

But I don't really know how to categorise that feeling seperately from depression? And people talking about calm acceptance in Sense of Impending Doom resonates with me. But I'm always worried about mentioning this certainty to doctors because they tend to already think I'm making shit up/overdramatic.

Sorry for rambling. Point is- do you know much about a longer term "sense of Impending doom" ?

Possibly. Hm, let me see if I can put this in words.

So, my near-death experience in 2019 was a slow, drawn-out process largely facilitated by medical neglect. I knew something was Wrong in my body, and no one was listening to me. I knew it was going to kill me soon, but again, no one was listening, so I just kind of... quietly got my shit together. It felt gradual but inevitable. Creeping. With hindsight, that was my organs slowly winding down. Horrible feeling.

But that was very different from what I will now categorize as Immediate Impending Doom, which sort of hits like a tidal wave. It's weird to say it's an urgent-calm feeling, but that's what it is.

It's a very now feeling. Like, death within the next twenty minutes to an hour. It's the difference between "This will happen soon, get your affairs in order," and "This is a medical emergency; pay attention. Now."

Which I also have to differentiate from the "something is wrong" feeling I get as a chronically ill person when something new pops up.

I sometimes get what I think of as "warning flashes." My immune system is overreactive thanks to my mast cells being little malfunctioning bastards, so when I get sick with something else, it kicks off my fight or flight due to adrenaline and a bunch of other hormones being thrown into the mix like a Molotov cocktail.

I've had to learn to distinguish that from anxiety/depression because of the nature of my illness (can it be remedied with my meds, does doing grounding exercises help, what are my vitals etc), and I imagine it's the same for other chronically ill people, even if they don't have my specific immune problems.

A virus or something else will absolutely stress out an already stressed nervous system, and it can send you into a feeling of fight or flight, which can feel a bit doom-y.

But the Impending Doom they talk about with heart attacks, strokes, anaphylaxis etc, etc, is a very immediate and all-consuming feeling. The "soon" you seem to be describing seems to be "it'll happen sooner than later" but the Immediate Impending Doom is "right the fuck now." Is that right? Did I pick up on that, or am I way off?

Gah. I'm still probably doing a very bad job of explaining this.

#chronic health tag #impending doom #medical trauma #death mention

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literatureloverx · 9 months ago

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HIII>< Good day to you my dearest🤗🤗 Have you eaten? Drink? If not then please do! I know I said It might not be able to interact with you but like the weather is so bad in my country(there's like three storm rn), also some volcanic activities and some freaking illness going around rn😭😭 Whatever spiritual power there is hates my country cause what is this😭😭. Anywayyyy, I lost track again°>° well uh I just got suddenly curious on how, when, where fyodor and his darling got married. Like what was the process of it, the preparation, the people invited and such. I'm imagining it as somewhat very private event and very intimate (It's fyodor obv) Probably not a lot of people invited. It'll obviously be in a cathedral of sort with a priest and such. Ohh now I wonder how it'll work considering different cultures and religions (of darling). Like in my culture you can invite the whole village! Your distance cousin's friend might even be there😆 I'm kinda exaggerating but it does happen. Also the wedding clothes of darling and Fyodor! Ahhh I'm imagining Fyodor rn🥰🥰🥰

Also I'm really really sorry🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️ for overwhelming you with my ask! Well that's the end of it! Ig??? I'm going to do my projects now... Thank you for listening to my yapping and being so kind! 🫵❤️❤️❤️Truly you are amazing. I hope you have/gotten a good day🙏

Sincerely —🧛🏻‍♀️🫀Anon

Good day, my love, 🧛🏻‍♀️🫀-anon! ♥️ I’m doing well and hope the same for you. Please take care—it sounds truly concerning. 🥺

Regarding your request, I must admit I never thought about it either, lmao. By the way, you can invite the whole village in my culture too—though I wouldn’t do that! 😭 Close family and friends are all I need. ♥️ I wrote some headcanons, I hope you enjoy reading them!♥️

Also, I’ve come up with pictures for my 🍷💝-anon who needs visualizations.

Fyodor x ideal type fem!darling, marriage, wedding, visualisation, religious themes etc.

Fyodor & his darling’s wedding

The process would be very thorough, with high security measures and many people involved in the preparations.

As Fyodor’s little princess and soon-to-be bride, you won’t experience any discomfort because of it.

There will be plenty of people handling the arrangements for you.

All you need to do is relax, choose your wedding gown, select your jewelry from the exquisite vintage pieces Fyodor orders from around the world, and provide your preferences for the cake flavors and the flowers.

You’ll only need to engage in the preparations that interest you—your fiancé ensures that you’re always comfortable with everything that’s happening.

I don’t see either of you inviting many people due to security measures, and honestly, Fyodor has no one to invite.

So, it will likely be just the two of you, your close family (such as your parents and siblings), and the priest along with the staff who will be serving you.

Since you’re marrying Fyodor, it will naturally be very intimate and private. We can’t expect much glamour or razzamatazz.

The vows would be exchanged in the cathedral, and later you’d move to a medieval-themed setting for the wedding celebration.

There, you’d enjoy a meal and your wedding cake. Perhaps you might even dance to your favorite waltz—who knows?

Considering different cultures and his ideal type, your darling, being introverted and easygoing, would likely embrace Fyodor’s vision of their wedding.

This means there might be no village invitations, which could seem a bit sad, but it’s all part of Fyodor’s unique way of doing things.

Those are elegantly feminine. Fyodor would certainly admire the lace, as it’s traditionally seen as a symbol of femininity—something he would appreciate for its delicate beauty and timeless charm.

Those gowns are fine, but they show the maximum amount of flesh permissible for a cathedral setting, especially when marrying a traditional, possessive man like Fyodor.

You’d definitely need a veil if you choose to wear such a wedding gown.

Fyodor could wear just about anything, but here are some classic groom outfits. I can definitely see him opting for the white one, as most of his clothing is white and he associates himself with the color.

However, the darker outfit could also suit him, especially considering the official picture of him in a fancy dark-colored tuxedo.

Cathedral of Christ the Saviour in Moscow

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd fyodor #yandere bsd #bungou stray dogs fyodor #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #fyodor dostoevsky #fyodor x reader #fyodor x you #bsd wedding #fyodor wedding #🧛🏻‍♀️🫀 anon #🧛🏻‍♀️🫀anon #🧛🏻‍♀️🫀-anon

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greennoobartist · 2 months ago

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Replying to these again bcuz yes :)

@lilyhatesthenumber4 @i-love-zelda-16 @thebackofmymind4 @nevermatchandscpsradadventures @blupeeblep

I don’t care about how old you are; if you’re going through this kind of stuff, it doesn’t matter. You need help. I am a Christian, so in a way, religion does matter to me, but it won’t stop me from trying to show you the love of Christ through our screens. I don’t know what to say to the rest of the post, except that stress and anxiety can definitely mess with your memory (personal experience, not trying to gaslight/anything), and you’ve been dealing with a lot. Definitely not discounting trauma-induced amnesia/whatever, just acknowledging what I do know. I will continue to pray for you through this and do my best to support you. God bless you - Nevermatch

<Gently grabs you and wraps my arms around you in a hug and rocks us back and forth> (if you like physical touch) I'm so sorry that that's happened. Healing is a long journey I've heard. I don't know the entire situation, but if you think you've been abused, that's probably what's happened. I know depression is a hard thing. My mom has it and still struggles with it daily. But that doesn't mean you should give up. Every day there's a chance of something amazing that you might miss. Look for the silver lining. It's hard, and even harder with depression, and I don't have it (I don't think), so I don't know entirely what to say. (And I have to go now, so... Rest of response a little later) You're not dumb and blind. You've been hurt, and a blindfold forced upon your lids. When you're used to something, it's hard to get rid of. It takes a while to adjust. Being honest to oneself is a very good step. It's hard. I, myself, still many times lie to myself. It's part of human nature. And trying to be open to oneself is a hard, but fruitful, journey. Idk for sure what the voice is, but it could be (forgive me real quick because I'm religious) the devil, Satan, trying to win you over and drag you down. He does that when he knows that you're a grand spirit who has a grand purpose. Don't let him win. Happily punch that guy in the face! (It'll be hard, but I believe in you, and have your back at best I can! You've got this!) It sucks that you have no backup in your family. I extend being able to be part of my hoard (dragon name for family that I use in my found family ^w^) if you'd like. Also, would totally kid nap you, fr. I don't know how to get away with it, or if we're close enough, but I would. I don't know your family situation, but if there was an adult that you know irl that you're close with, you might be able to tell them and get help there? Idk. (I may not be a professional (yet), but I am a friend, and friends help each other and make sure their mate knows they've got the others back. 🫂) Also, age and religion doesn't really matter to me. Age is a number, and religion is a view point of the world. You can be any age or any religion, and I wouldn't give two shakes. You can talk about either, you can keep it secret, I don't mind. I'll support you and be with you either way, no matter what. And crying is good and important. It's a release mechanism our body has for stress and such. It's part of the healing process. It's not weak. It's strength.

(Lmao Blep is the kidnapping part a good or a bad thing XD. Literally like paused and was like....whut? Should i be happy about it or freaked out XDD/joking)

Thx for support again, y'all. I am definitely planning to go to a therapist or psychologist or someone classified to help me. I think that keeping it under a rock will just make everything way worse than it is.

I don't think ill share it with my family, and idk if I should. Ill probably just go to the psychologist during school hours so that no one figures it out (and even if they do, my mom knows that im not alright, she just doesn't know that this is the matter)

I literally feel like what Nevermatch said, kinda like i was putting Mentos in a bottle of Coke and keeping it closed and then just snapped. I never usually rant like this but recently I just felt like letting it out anyhow cuz it started to physically hurt.

Until I figure out with the psychologist, i decided that I should probably do my part, which would be more self care. I think I neglected myself with everything that was happening and I think that i should do my part and take care of myself before seeking deeper help. I definitely did abandon my needs and both physical and mental health just bcuz of others, so I should, at least for this upcoming spring break, cheer up myself and take care. I mean like, if im not kind to myself, then I don't think that anyone can help me.

Now when I think about it, i was being a hypocrite recently. Always telling everyone else to be kind to themselves and rant whenever needed and seek out help while I was here bottling up everything and keeping it to myself and neglecting my wishes and health. I was literally doing the opposite of what i was telling to everyone else.

Thank you all for support, this would've probably been burning inside me for longer until it just.... ... Finishes me off....

Also, Lily, for those antidepressants. I actually didn't know what that was until I googled it, and i don't think I am. The thing is that im not professionally diagnosed with any mental illness for now so that's why I wasn't even taking those. If now being nice to myself and some self care counts as an antidepressant, then I am planning to and definitely should.

Im glad that none of y'all care how old i am or whats my religion, bcuz here's the thing. If I was in LU, i would fall in the same category as Four and Wind. We don't know how old Four is but he's the second youngest (according to that one post imma try to find) and Wind is nearly 14. So yeah actually if imma rank myself like that, i would fall in the same age group with them i think. Yeah, im that young 😶 (Four can't be older than 16 now can he???)

Again, thank you all sm. Your support means the world. I think that i would've committed smth horrible if I didn't snap like this *nervous chuckle* Anyways-

Since I said that i want to care about myself again in hope to retrieve what I lost, ill place the rants aside and focus on positive things about the world. If smth really bad happens that i have to then I might drop down a short rant but ill aim not to. I wanna retrieve what I lost and I think that self care should be my first steps.

Thank you all so much ❣️💖🫶

Now that ill take care of myself, ill do things that i like, which means rambling :D

#tysm for the support #tysm <3 #rambling counts as self care so be prepared for me to scream over randomness lmao #y'all are lucky if it comes out as comprehensive lmao XDD #but thank you #❣️❣️❣️#God knows what could've happened if I didn't snap like this #i really needed to get it out #since y'all shouldn't bother too much about this since yall aren't classified or professionals or anything #ill try to seek detailed help from a professional #i think that's the best i can do #ofc self care will now be my top priority

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genderqueerdykes · 7 months ago

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re: gallbladder stuff i'm sorry you're dealing with all that, I know you already know it's all BS, but i just wanted to share my experience with gallbladder surgery that really emphasizes how BS it is: -my surgeon didn't ask me to lose weight in order to operate even though i was also over 300lbs at the time -they treated it as an urgent surgery even though i had to get it done during COVID lockdowns -the doctor told me that it was almost certainly genetics that caused me to have gallstones, there was nothing i could have done to cause it -the doctor told me i should stick to a plain diet leading up to the surgery to reduce the chances of passing another gallstone, but told me that once you pass one stone it's not a matter of if but when you'll pass another. the only way to stop it completely is to remove the organ your doctors are treating you terribly for actually no reason and i'm sorry they're doing that to you. i wish there was a way to hold healthcare workers accountable for these things.

thank you SO much for this ask, holy shit

i'm so glad they didn't ask you to lose weight and treated it like an emergency, which it was. i'm really glad they actually treated you. nobody should have to put up with having a diseased organ stay in their body because of someone else's prejudice. i've been considering asking fatphobic doctors why they are even in the medical field to begin with if they can't wrap their heads around the fact that fat people need medical help as well, whether it's related to their fatness or not doesn't matter. many fat people WILL need some form of medical attention in their lives. why would anyone who actually cares about helping others go into medicine if they knew they couldn't handle a little bit of cellulose

also thank you for confirming that there's a genetic factor and that if it happens once, it'll happen again. that's what i was showing in my research. i mean it makes sense, it's not going to do that just once, and i have multiple stones in my gallbladder. i don't understand why multiple stones isn't cause for concern. my mother had to have her gallbladder removed as well. and i've also shown in my research that there's very little to nothing a person can do to cause themselves to develop gallstones, unlike kidney stones which can be caused by severe and repeated dehydration

thank you so much, i've felt absolutely horrible in the wake of this. it made me feel as though my pain was somehow my fault, as if it wasn't worth looking into. i don't think anyone should have to feel like that, especially when they have a diseased organ that needs removed. it was like she didn't even see it as a matter of disease and illness, but rather something completely caused by me. i could tell she thought it was my fault due to eating a "high fat diet" and not because there's a genetic factor.

the "high fat diet" affects my liver way more than my gallbladder, and even then: i do not routinely eat a high fat diet. my liver is the one who got upset when i ate a lot of high fat and processed foods while i was homeless. my gallbladder is not the one who's having a hard time with anything that i choose to do of my own volition. the organ itself is literally diseased and no amount of kale smoothies and celery could ever fix that

thank you, i really appreciate you. i'm glad you were able to get treated without pushback. i think what i'm going to do is call that office and ask to consult with one of their other surgeons to see if they all believe that, or if it's just the one surgeon i spoke to. i also want to report her for medical malpracitce because she's choosing to let me continue to get violently ill because of her own personal issues. she's allowing me to remain sick and potentially be subject to even worse things like you mentioned

again, i really appreciate the amount of support i've gotten over this. i didn't realize that i was being treated this poorly. i really appreciate you, i'm going to do whatever i can to advocate for myself so i can get this removed ASAP. i want to be able to eat regular meals again without pain or vomiting. i want to be able to sit and stand upright without severe stabbing pain in my abdomen. i want to live my life again. i appreciate you, take care of yourself, thank you for your kindness and reassurance

#asks #answers #feedback #health #gallbladder #emeto tw #emetophobia tw

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eternalmink · 7 months ago

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Don't believe chellyscatbox/iychodon/zinzo's "apology"

In the first sentence, chelly says it will explain how it will make up for its actions, yet it never does nor does it ever even say it will never do these things again(besides keeping tabs, which that's the bare minimum. It never says it won't continue sexual harassment) This may sound like nitpicking, but it's because these things are all stuff that chelly has done multiple times. Some things it still does even after supposedly "apologizing". One example being sexualizing people it's mad at (calling them names or slurs or talking about their privates) or invading their privacy and boundaries("accidentally" stumbling upon people's nsfw accounts).

Not to mention it tries to downplay its actions in the document as well. "no physical action happened during this encounter, therefore it classifies as cyber sexual harassment, not sexual assault as that is something physical."

"but he isn't exactly innocent either as he has fakeclaimed us and has used one of our alters to the point he became semi-verbal along with other allegations which we will not discuss in this doc." This is supposed to be an apology and an explanation, yet chelly itself admits it doesn't go over everything.

"all of me either being really mentally unstable or having psychotic/manic episodes and taking them out on people. because you see, i can't think rationally when i have episodes like these, and i can't track them either. but even then i fully take accountability for my actions. " just because it says it'll take accountability (it doesn't even say how) doesn't make this "apology" any less awful. It just sounds like it's using disorders and mental illness as an excuse yet again.

Also, the stuff here is only a few months old. There are also things that chelly simply just did not go over, either.

Once again, chelly sexualizing people it dislikes, and the person in question is triggered by things like this too. When chelly deleted it, it apologized to its followers for having to see this. Not the person being spoken of.

Notice how chelly gets defensive for being called out instead of apologizing as well. If it's really sorry, why react like this to being caught?

If it has really changed as a person, why does everyone continue to get the hell away from it?

If it has really changed, why does it keep doing these things? Why does it keep needing chance, after chance, after chance?

i doubt I need to explain this but: chelly confesses to someone it doesn't even know whether or not has a partner, proceeds to lash out them.

This was a private thing, yes, but it still wasn't addressed anywhere as if it never happened and makes it seem like chelly only apologizes for things it actually gets in trouble for.

Chellys words underlined above contradict stuff in the doc

To this day it is still in denial that it can't use the n word. Its own brother said it couldn't use it during call.

There's still more that will never even be put here because its victims have left the internet, and the ones that haven't— as said in the doc— don't want to be bothered anymore. And most of that is because Chelly will never be able to provide the proper closure they all deserve, and they know it.

Chelly says it wants to move on and do better, but it's said that before and now look where it is. It's had so many chances. All the way since 2021. Three years. It's had three years, yet it expects us to believe it has changed within the past few months.

Not only is this so called apology garbage, it lacks sincerity.

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yb-cringe · 3 months ago

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its time.

PRE-VIEWING PREDICTIONS:

Last time HALF the cast died so I'm expecting the same turnout. Or. well fuck there's an odd amount so like a little less or more than half. I think Joui and Arthur are gonna be our only survivors here. Even if Thiago survives the battle (assuming theres a battle) he's gonna die anyway. so.

I mean they have to fight the blacksmith right. They're gonna have to kill that guy. Here's hoping kenan gets the final blow I think he deserves it

I HOPE THEY BURN SANTO BERçO TO THE GROUND. GOD I WANNA SEE IT BURN OH THESE MOTHERFUCKERS MAN.

is there still stuff to figure out. still dont know where the rest of the scientists went. you know i hope agatha somehow makes a shoehorn appearance in this episode and she's somehow killed them all bc idk shes sick like that /pos

Someones gonna have to tell sr. Verissimo about everything and he's gonna have an aneurysm finding out not only did his once Best team get murked but so did this one and also there's STILL a threat of at least 3 other scary symbol shits out there. (ill be honest. i know this one only bc of qsmp i already know the fears SO . this wasnt a surprise to me but itll be a surprise to him kadsjfdsf)

if joui survives i hope he keeps the lusidii thing. not because i think he'd like it but i think looking into the mirror and knowing he can become the very thing that killed so many of his friends and equipe kelvin and whatever will absolutely kill him. joui jouki, so scared of being morally corrupt, looks like the perfect image of a villain in his eyes and that'd be awesome

if arthur survives i need him to see ivete again and get a hug and a prosthetic or something i need him to play guitar again or ill go insane with grief like someone diagnosed with hysteria

I pray Liz doesn't survive seeing everyone killed again because i dunno if she can take it.

Also I've been told somehow after this episode it'll be clear where the ship lines are drawn. Which is vague enough that it wasn't spoilers and ill be honest if its already happened i am not aware. but my one prediction is that thiago is gonna have to leave/die and liz gets in one last kiss either that or liz has to die and arthur gets in one last kiss :thumbs-up: that's the only way i can even imagine such a definitive line in the same could be drawn

idk how cellbit would narrate this but i hope mariana drags miguel to hell. sorry. actually im not sorry. i hope it hurts <3

#ordem liveblogging #osnf posting

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littlesparklight · 3 months ago

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Yuriliad part seventeen; Achilles kills Troilos, revealing growing cracks.

If all this had to happen at all, surely this was better, unless Helen was a man. But Paris wasn't sure she was fond of that idea. An idea that was only a flight of fancy, more distant than even the most high-flying bird in the sky above.

It wasn't like there'd been some way to avoid it.

That was what Paris told herself, anyway - had to tell herself - as the Achaeans dug themselves in by the bay across the river, as the days after their arrival turned into weeks and months and years. She couldn't understand how they had the will or patience for it, though Helen was undoubtedly worth it. The men, at least thought so; she'd heard them talk. Helen, and the insult the King of Sparta had levelled against the royal family when extending a claim on her as a concubine, had them fighting.

But those were men, armed and armoured, who stood on the walls to meet the Achaeans' attempt at breaching those same walls. If fighting had to be happening at all, men were who ought to be in danger of being killed. And yet---

"Troilos! Troilos!"

She was going to be ill. Paris stared as Hektor slowly walked across the courtyard, cradling the slender, headless - headless! - body of Hecuba's next to youngest son over the wailing shrieks of their mother, and a hysterical Polyxena. Aeneas after him held something small in his arms, wrapped up in a bloody cloak, and she was - she was going to be ill.

Staggering a few steps away from the doorway, she got no further before she threw up, fight it as she might. Her hair seemed to be everywhere and she couldn't throw up here. Her stomach heaved. Cool, soft fingers brushed her temple, her throat, and caught her hair, and Paris gave up.

Thirteen. Troilos had only just reached thirteen, golden as the sun and his divine father. The youngest Priam allowed any boy up on the walls was several years older, but he preferred they had reached their second decade.

"I--- I don't understand." Paris heaved through the words, each syllable threatening her rebelling insides to turn themselves inside out once again, but there was nothing less. Coughing, she turned to Helen. "Why… why did he murder the child, instead of taking both him and Polyxena for ransom, like he did with Isos and Antiphos earlier?"

"I don't know," Helen said, her large eyes dark and gleaming. She was paler than usual, and so her neatly bound-up hair looked even darker than its rich, dark-brown already was. "I don't know."

Taking a shuddering breath, she turned around and took the cup Elektra gave her, handing it to Paris. "Drink. It'll clean your mouth."

Paris drank, for that seemed easiest, simplest to do, while the courtyard filled with wailing.

So, so much wailing.

It seemed almost insulting that the Achaeans agreed to a truce of twelve days for Troilos' burial, but at least that meant their little brother could be buried as he ought, though he shouldn't be dead at all.

Worse was watching as the pyre was lit in the morning on the tenth day. Not because it was one of the final steps to the irrevocable loss, but rather because---

"Look at her. Barely even weeping, and she knew him almost as well as the rest of us!" Lysianassa, huddled up next to Aristomache along with Henicea behind them.

"Maybe she's pleased," Aristomache muttered, tone biting enough to be meant to carry.

"No!" Henicea cried, half a teary wobble, half an edge of sick fascination with this accusation.

Beside her, Helen grew stiff.

"But don't you see, one has to wonder why she would follow Alexandra here - it doesn't make sense, no matter how beautiful she might be, when Helen herself is more so! But she gave a fine excuse to her husband and all those Achaean princes, and you know Troilos would've been able to stand next to Hektor, if he had only gained a few more years, given whose son he is."

Paris wound her arm tight around Helen's, stepping closer to her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, turning her head to frown at Aristomache, who only huffed, pretty little nose curling, but did fall silent. "They shouldn't be saying such things."

It wasn't fair - her sisters and sisters-in-law glared at her, to be sure, darker stares than anything Paris had seen, even from Kassandra before all this, but no one said anything. Not to her, whether to her face or in her hearing, anyway. They saved it all for Helen, though she had been the one who eagerly follow Aphrodite's direction that took her to Kythira and Sparta. Not that there had been anything else to do, but she had wanted it, and she could not stop wanting it. Couldn't stop wanting Helen. Would miss her like she'd been emptied out if Helen was taken over to the Achaean camp if Hektor and her father should change their minds.

But they hadn't, not yet. Not even now, with Troilos' body wrapped in soft, deepest purple while the flames rose higher and slowly consumed the funeral pyre.

"They're grieving, and rightly so," Helen said quietly, wound tight as a bronze spring the smith has carefully constructed, yet the tension is so great in the thin metal wire it undo his fine work if care isn't taken. "I hardly put up any protest in the face of your words, those glancing eyes of yours. And I should have."

"Helen---"

"Hush." Helen's hand on hers, where she was clutching the soft meat of her lower arm, was biting in its grip. But firm. "I should have. But I didn't."

#the iliad #paris of troy #helen of sparta #yuriliad #lightart

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applepie-enthusiast · 9 months ago

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Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood ft. KNY characters

If you know FMAB growing up, I salute you. If you are going to watch it now, I also salute you. Anyway, let's proceed. In response to this poll

In their sincerest hopes to see their dearly beloved deceased mother again, Tanjirou and Nezuko aimed to do what was considered as "Taboo" in Alchemy, that is "Human Transmutation."

Being kids, they believed they could resurrect Kie, who had fallen ill and died because of an outbreak. (Imagine all their siblings too but chose to revive Kie first)

However, they experienced "rebound" and because of that, Nezuko's entire body was taken, while Tanjirou lost his left leg, and cried out in extreme pain and anguish. But, determined to get even Nezuko's soul back, he sacrificed his right arm so he could attach her soul to an armour.

I somehow want Kanao to be their childhood friend aka Winry.

Shinobu as Pinako is funny, but just imagine if Shinobu took the responsibility to take care of Kanao after their older sister Kanae, who was a doctor, was sent to battle and died there.

Tanjirou lowkey being so guilty about what happened to Nezuko that he was so afraid to ask her if she is mad at him. [THAT EPISODE BROKE ME. Just Kanao smashing Nezuko's armored head with a wrench and telling her to run after Tanjirou is peak drama and comedy]

I'm conflicted if I should continued as intended that Tanjurou is their dad in this au as well. Because I just can't see him having the same face as the main antagonist aka "Father". But it's also a big fucking no for "Father" to be Muzan. Yoriichi as Father is TERRIFYING tho.

Obanai as Roy Mustang please it's so funny. But he did give Tanjirou a drive and a motivation to get their bodies back.

Mitsuri as Riza Hawkeye. She hides all her trauma with her personality but Mitsuri being a sniper in the Battle of Ishbal would just be peak 👌 angst.

Rengoku Kyojurou as Maes Hughes. He often comically and enthusiastically tells Obanai to find a wife and marry already (aka marry Mitsuri) and Kyojurou is proud of his little brother Senjurou. He tells everyone about him, and dots on him. He's very kind and warm towards anyone and everyone he meets.

Everything was okay until he found out too quickly, about what was happening in the country. He was too smart for his own good. He was attacked first by Lust aka Daki, but escaped.

DOUMA as Envy would make so much sense. His playful personality when he impersonates a colleague of Rengoku, but Rengoku quickly realizes it isn't them. Rengoku was hastily trying to contact Obanai to tell him of what he found out, but unfortunately this creature finds him. Rengoku whispered that he has to go home and he can't die here, and was about to attack the creature, but Douma had transformed to mimic his mother, Ruka, who Douma had seen from the lone pic that fell from Rengoku's wallet in his haste to contact Obanai. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. THE THREE GUNSHOTS.

Obanai sighing when he received a phone call, but quickly felt something was off because Rengoku rarely pauses and stay silent that long. "Kyojuro?" He asks.

Rengoku's bloody hand reaching out to the phone because he heard his best friend, but Douma had already placed it back to cut the call.

"Humans are so stupid, falling for such a trick." He mocks and insults him, laughing as he left.

Rengoku, bleeding out, whispering, "Sorry, Senjurou, I can't go home tonight as promised.

JUST TINY SENJUROU (younger than canon), CLUTCHING ON THEIR DAD'S PANTS, innocently asking, "Why are they burying big brother...? How can he go to work if they bury him?" Everyone was devastated

Obanai silent throughout.

After the funeral, JUST OBANAI SAYING, "Ah, It's about to rain".

Mitsuri looking up at the sky. "Eh? It's not raining..." Then she quickly realizes what Obanai meant when he started crying.

"No, it's raining, alright." Obanai adds, and Mitsuri bows her head, and in a sad voice, seconds him.

"Ah.. yes, it's raining... Let's go inside, it'll be cold here soon..."

WHO WILL BE NINA???? AND ALEXANDER???

Daki as LUST as mentioned above. Gyutaro as GLUTTONY. It just goes along well with how those two are close with Douma aka ENVY.

AKAZA as WRATH. he's a king of a nation that already has everything decided for it. Except his bride, Koyuki, who he chose himself.

AKAZA AS KING BRADLEY (and how his hand shookt in anger during rengoku's funeral) he has this twisted view that the weak will inevitably die in the hands of the strong.

KOKUSHIBOU AS PRIDE. Him parading as a tiny child (of course he poses as a human, the son of the king. But he is INDEED DEADLIER, STRONGER than Wrath.) is just so funny. Except he won't be as energetic as Selim Bradley, probably just always curious and "idolizes" the Fullmetal Alchemist aka Tanjirou. THE FIRST SIN THAT FATHER LETS GO OF.

MUICHIROU AS LING YAO. He visits this foreign country looking for a philosopher's stone. He is the representative of their clan because his older brother can't fight like him (added this info). In order to save his clan, he wants to gain information about immortality. He came to the country with his two vassals, Zenitsu (LAN FAN but they're just buddies) and Jigoro (OLD MAN FU), who came from a family that had been serving his for centuries. They're very loyal to him. Muichirou often stresses them out though. HAHAHAHA

Just imagine Mui and co. mooching off food from Tanjirou and Nezuko HAHAHAHAHA

"i cAn'T uNdErsTanD tHiS CouNtRy'S lAnGuagE" whenever he placed the siblings or himself in trouble HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Mui collapsing on the side of the road and forgetting his entry pass and being sent to jail is PEAK COMEDY

HIM HAVING CONVERSATIONS ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A KING WITH AKAZA THOUGH. While holding an injured zenitsu over his shoulders. OH MY GOD.

Zenitsu sacrificing his hand for them to escape is just wow. If Jigoro is Old Man Fu, he would die. Ouch. (I initially thought of genya as lan fan and sanemi as old man fu but I had plans for sanemi)

So that means Muichirou will be GREED.

INOSUKE WILL BE MEI LING.

Giyuu will be Izumi, Tanjirou and Nezuko's sensei. As seen with his Kimetsu Academy counterpart, his training would be HELL. I'd like to say he is married to Sabito (HE'S ALIVE, SABITO WILL BE SIG). They were living well before Giyuu's sister inexplicably died, and he tried to revive her with alchemy. He had seen the Truth as well.

Sloth will just be GYOMEI TO GIVE A THRILL WITH THE FIGHT. But instead of the sloth in fmab, imagine if Gyomei isn't really evil, but was forced to do what he has to, or else the children he was caring for would die (or something)

Tengen???????? (OR ANY OF HIS WIVES AS Olivier Mira Armstrong???? I JUST THINK TENGEN'S INITIAL PERSONALITY TOWARDS TANJIROU AND CO WOULD BE LMAO)

UROKODAKI AS MARCO.

I CAN'T THINK WHO WILL BE SCAR. SANEMI CAME TO MIND I'M SO SORRY.

When Mui and Tanjirou got sucked in Gluttony's stomach and lmao at tanjirou finding Nezuko's armor hand and going, "TIME FOR MY TELEPATHIC POWERS TO AWAKEN, KAMADO TELEPATHY OHHHHH NEZUKO HEAR ME!!!" and Muichirou deadpan going, "have fun with that"

They would eat BOOT SOUP

Fast forward to all the dramas

Obanai going lowkey insane with finding out who killed Rengoku. He finds Douma and Douma congratulates him on finally finding Rengoku's killer.

Obanai scoffing, "I doubt Kyojurou was killed by someone dumb like you."

Douma going all laughter, saying, "Stupid? What's stupid is people who would fall for this!!!" Then he transforms into Ruka or Senjurou.

Oh the way Obanai's look changed and Mitsuri instantly knew hell would start.

Mitsuri pointing a gun to Obanai's head on the onslaught of happenings and Obanai raising his hand, "What's this about, Lieutenant?"

Mitsuri smiling knowingly, "You tell me. The colonel calls me ~Mitsuri~ when we're alone."

Obanai widens his eyes and instantly reveals himself as Envy and says, "You had a thing going on?!"

Mitsuri smiling, shooting him, "I lied. Thanks for falling for it."

She tried to kill him but is soon overpowered.

Douma laughs, exclaiming, "I will rip you to shreds and show you to your precious colonel!"

But then Obanai arrives.

Obanai going, "what are you planning on doing with my irreplaceable subordinate?" to douma is peak 👌👌👌 when the latter started targeting mitsuri (their other counterpart where douma is a con artist but disappeared after meeting mitsuri and/or obanai is so funny)

Anyway just their heartfelt moment of "If you die, I'll follow"

FAST FORWARD MORE

Obanai going, "I'm surprised you can see in this darkness, fullmetal" because his one eye is already canonically almost blind BUT HIM GOING FORCEFULLY COMPLETELY BLIND HURTS ME.

I'm so obsessed with them. But that's all for now.

#kny #kimetsu no yaiba #the pillars #kamado tanjirou #kamado nezuko #inosuke hashibira #zenitsu agatsuma #I'm too lazy to tag everyone

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cherryc1nnam0n · 2 years ago

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Coffee for your head | Eddie Munson x FEM!Reader

Summary: Eddie is in his death bed... He has so much to say...

Cw: Major angst warning!! Major character death, sad topics, illness, death bed, agonizing, little smut

Writer's note: This is based off Death Bed by Powfu. I was listening to it when coming home from work, and I wanted to write it as Eddie and you

Don't stay away for too long, don't go to bed

I'll make a cup of coffee for your head

It'll get you up and going out of bed

"I'm sorry, you don't have long enough... Maybe, 4 months"

That was the moment their lives changed

Only at age 25 Eddie Munson has been diagnosed with lung cancer, terminal, there was nothing the doctors could do to safe him

"Eddie... No..." You had whispered grabbing his hand

A lonely tear had left his eye without him noticing, he just let out an anguished breath

Yeah, I don't wanna fall asleep, I don't wanna pass away

I been thinking of our future, 'cause I'll never see those days

I don't know why this has happened, but I probably deserve it

I tried to do my best, but you know that I'm not perfect

"I would recommend enjoying the last moments you have together, do the things you love, eat what you like, just, make good memories in the mean time"

The couple had gone home in silence, quiet sobs being heard from her as she held his hand during the ride home

They had moved together 3 years ago, making a small apartment their safe home, but now it had became all moody and sad

It was no lie that Eddie smoked a lot, since he was a teen, but his cancer had been too aggressive and it was taking him out really fast

"What am I gonna do without you Eddie?" You said sobbing into his chest as he held you close to him

"Live..." You cried even harder

"I can't live without you Eddie, you're my whole life"

I been praying for forgiveness, you've been praying for my health

When I leave this Earth, hoping you'll find someone else

'Cause, yeah, we still young, there's so much we haven't done

Getting married, start a family, watch your husband with his son

That night he tried to calm you down my making love to you, slow and tender, with lots of love in each move he made, his kisses filled with sorrow and pain, he knew he didn't have long to do this so he had to enjoy the moments he had you

During the days his health went downhill, he couldn't move a lot, his breathing would be different during the night, you prayed every night to whoever was out there to save him but they never seemed to answer back

Soon he had to use oxygen to breath properly, moving out of the bed was too much work as time went on

"It's almost time for me to go baby..." He had said to you one day

You had cried onto his chest, begging him not to leave you

I wish it could be me, but I won't make it out this bed

I hope I go to Heaven, so I see you once again

My life was kinda short, but I got so many blessings

Happy you were mine, it sucks that it's all ending

"I love you so much Y/n..."

"I love you too Eddie"

"You'll find someone else baby, someone who will love you so much" you shook your head

"I only want you, you're my only love"

He caressed your cheek

I'm happy that you here with me, I'm sorry if I tear up

When me and you were younger, you would always make me cheer up

Taking goofy videos and walking through the park

You would jump into my arms every time you heard a bark

"Remember that day at the fair? When you got lost and I found you near the fountain?" You nodded "I'll find you again in another life baby"

Cuddle in your sheets, sing me sound asleep

And sneak out through your kitchen at exactly 1:03

Sundays, went to church, on Mondays, watched a movie

Soon you'll be alone, sorry that you have to lose me

"You can go Eddie... Rest my love" you had finally accepted what was to come

"I love you..."

"I love you too..."

With one final smile he closed his eyes and finally left this world...

Don't stay away for too long, don't go to bed

I'll make a cup of coffee for your head

It'll get you up and going out of bed

#eddie munson #eddie munson/reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie x you #eddie munson smut #boyfriend eddie munson #eddie munson x chubby reader #eddie munson x plus size reader #eddie munson x pregnant!reader #eddie x reader #eddie x gn!reader #eddie x fem!reader #eddie x y/n #eddie x me #death bed #eddie smut

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buwheal · 1 year ago

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Important thing!!!!!!!!!!1

Sorry i went dead silent, will happen again. I have some stuff going on and im not sure how consistent ill be able to be,, for just being online in general. I dont know for how long either. I /did/ have something planned this week for his birthday, and i took a week to plan it out, so of COURSE it had to happen this week. and I KNEW it was going to happen too and i didnt do anything about it so thats my bad also. Im HOPING i will be able to do what i planned for his birthday.. but theres also a chance i wont be able to. Which WILL eat away at me if that happens and I WILL be forever upset about missing his birthday,, but if it happens to play out that way ill do it anyways it just might be after his birthday. even though i planned everything around that date. which would suck. Im attempting to see if ill be able to though ^_^

ALSO, speaking of YGM stuff,, I wont be online after i post these lol im only on for an hour right now i think. For his birthday, or until now since im setting it now while i have the time, there will be no media attatchments to asks. Sorry!!! Images require a lot more thought into his reaction because certain things can throw it off completely. That and its hard to create responses to art that arent him being a total jerk,, that'd maybe be too far lol, esp when its art people put effort into. Also im looking for/expecting some asks with specific questions or statements for what i have planned for his birthday, so you can send multiple birthday related (or non birthday related) asks so /i/ have more to choose from and /you/ have a higher chance of being chosen. like,, ask him what he wants for his birthday or smth idfk LOLL im trying to get some variety.

Anyywaays thats about it. Sorry. Again. Not sure how long it'll be like this. I dont have a specific time period. Im /guessing/ maybe a month? Im hoping at least but it might have to take longer too. :-((

#sorrry sorrry waghhhh im real upset about this GRGRHHRHH

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marbl3z · 2 years ago

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I know it hurts, I'm here, my love.

chronically ill reader x Dan heng

Very self indulgent — I kind of forced myself to write this at 12am, I didn't want the thought to leave my mind.

I'll add warnings later. I just want this out.

Your joints hurt, your head pounding. Though as the pain washes over you, you tried your best not to worry Dan Heng. Your precious lover, you hated seeing those sympathetic eyes, he wishes he could take the pain away. You both know that'll never happen, this is a curse that you bear and as the time goes on, it may lessen or it may get worse. Nonetheless, it'll never disappear for good.

You laid your head on his chest, one arm wrapped around your frame and the other holding up a book. You had your eyes fixated on something on your phone, your symptoms were bad so times like this were comforting and you were able to get your mind off of the pain for a while. Well, that's what you hoped..

Another rush of pain through your left side, your shoulder and elbow hurting as if you had arthritis. You shifted uncomfortably your head pounded due to your heart rate being erratic. Your lover noticed your uncomfortable shift.

"what's going on, sweetheart?" He whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. You made a strangled groan as you whined, sitting up after not getting comfortable enough to relax.

He sat up with you, placing his book face down onto the plush mattress. His hand ghosted around your back as you tried shifting your arm, rotating it gently to not hurt the muscle. He saw your painful expression as you sighed, defeated.

"do you need me to get anything?" He asks, you shake your head in response. Your lip quivered, you felt like you were going to cry but you held it in as your lover was right beside you.

He was afraid to hold you, unsure where the pain was focused at. He tried to think of something to give you relief, remembering that he read that warm water or a heating pad helps lessen tension in muscles.

"sweetie, is it okay if I go grab the heating pad from the infirmary?" He caresses your face, pressing his forehead against yours.

You nod, not wanting to speak as it hurt your throat to talk. He gets up, placing his phone in his pocket and yours next to you. He gives you a quick kiss on your head as he left your room quickly, not wanting to leave you by yourself for too long. Your lips quivered again, the pain washing over you in waves. It felt as if your muscles were on fire, your shoulder ached so badly you thought it might fall off.

Tears filled your tired eyes, you wanted this to end. You fall back onto the plush mattress, the pain becoming unbearable. Your body rocked with hiccups from your sobs, you prayed that you'd get better. You prayed and prayed the pain would stop, not even pain killers helped. It hurt so much, it made you question your existence.

As you sobbed, clutching Dan Heng's pillow. It was the only bit of comfort you had, he was your light during the darkest moments. He was the reason you kept fighting. You regret letting him go to the infirmary, you don't know how long you've been sobbing. You felt a gentle hand on your back, rubbing soft circles onto your muscles.

"I'm here, I'm sorry I took so long... I couldn't find it quick enough..." he pants, his hair a mess, he has the heating pad in his hand, the cord wrapped neatly in his fist.

You hiccuped, turning over. "Why do I have to suffer.." you weakly asked. His eyes softened, he plugged the pad in, waiting for it to become warm. "What did I do wrong..?" You asked, nuzzling your face into the plush pillows that felt like concrete against your muscles.

"you did nothing wrong... I'm so sorry," he whispers, pulling you to him, your achy joints hurt so bad but when you're in his arms it felt as if it was bearable. "My sweetheart, I'm so sorry. Life is so unfair to you, I wish I could take it away. I wish I could find a cure for you." He coos, rubbing your shoulder softly, hearing your sobs in his neck made his heartbreak.

"I just wish I was normal," you hiccup'd clutching his shirt in your small fists. He shushes your cries, picking you up with one arm. He shoved blankets and pillows around to support your body. He plops you down gently, kissing your face.

"I love you, you're so strong for going through this. You're so brave, you're so so brave." He whispers, pressing his forehead against your own.

You whine, your head resting against his pillow. He hushes your cries, wiping your tears away with his thumb. Kissing your chapped lips, he leans you towards him, placing the heating pad underneath your back.

"where does it hurt, lovely?" He smiles softly, wanting you to feel better. You cried out as another wash of pain went over your body.

You pointed with your right arm to where it hurt the most. He took mental notes, pressing his lips against your shoulder. It's not much, but he wants to distract you from the pain. Pretending his kisses could heal your achy body, cure your pounding headache, he wants to make you feel as if everything will be okay.

He moves down to your arm, kissing the joint softly, his hand intertwined with your own. Your cries echo'd the room, he rubs your cheek softly. Kissing you wrist, moving to your palm and your knuckles. His lips were soft and warm against the achy joints and muscles.

"I got you, my starlight." He whispers. "It'll be okay, I won't leave you alone..." he promises kissing near the artery in your wrist.

Your eyes are barely open, you were so exhausted you didn't know if it was possible to go to sleep at this point. The pain was so intense, but also numbing... maybe his kisses were working, or maybe the heating pad helped, Either way.

"I love you so so so much." His warm breath against your lips made you hum. Not whine, or groan, just a gentle hum.

Your intertwined hands was enough to let you both know you loved each other, there was no reason to say it back, he knew. He presses a kiss where your heart is, right in the middle of your sternum. Pressing his forehead against it too, "please, just give them relief..." he whispers it was almost too quiet for you to hear.

Your eyes were basically closed, the last thing you see was his fluffy dark hair resting on top of your sweater. He shuffles a bit more, massaging everywhere that could be hurting you. He hums a gentle tune, one he probably heard somewhere on one of his trailblaze missions. His voice always put you to sleep, it was comforting to hear him "sing".

He lays next to you, pulling you gently closer to him. You scooted over, tiredly. He nuzzled your hair, holding your hand on top of your chest, his palm feeling your heart eventually slow to a calm rhythm. He smiled as he kissed your head, you were finally off to sleep. Hopefully not in pain, hopefully no nightmares tonight either.

---

I'm tired. I'll give a proper fic when I feel better, for now though.. here, I guess.

#Chronically ill reader #honkai star rail x you #dan heng x gn reader #Dan heng fluff #Dan heng comfort #honkai star rail #dan heng fic #junesl1ght_#Comfort fic #Sick fic #hurt/comfort

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