#sorry for being a little pretentious on main . as if its my fault

[lycanthrop-ee]

characters, narrators, and futility

the stanley parable // rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead by tom stoppard // no exit by jean-paul sartre // rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead by tom stoppard // the stanley parable

[e-the-village-cryptid]

Agreed. It’s supposedly “the coming of age book that’s so relatable to teenagers!” except that it’s just a book written by an adult that adults continue to assign to teenagers because it’s supposedly so relatable, and then enforce said interpretation of relatability.

It’s basically “how do you do, fellow kids” if it was followed up with “hey fellow kids, I also suck absolute ass and am completely unaware of anything wrong with me ever and think every other person in the world sucks except me” (like seriously, Holden’s utter lack of self-awareness is the most infuriating thing of the whole book to me. I could actually see the book being decent if Holden was more self-aware.)

[I’m so sorry to do this on your post so I’m putting my rant under the cut]

So as I said, my least favorite part of that book was how un-self-aware Holden is. I hated the book for that reason alone. I read it as a depressed teenager who made dumb decisions but goddammit at least I KNEW I was a depressed teenager who made dumb decisions. 

Some books where you fucking hate the main character can still be good literature, but (at least according to my English teacher) the whole point of Catcher in the Rye was to be relatable to its teenage audience. And I did actually relate to some of it, which actually just made me hate him more, because I knew how he felt at times and I also knew that’s not how teenagers fucking react to those feelings.

Like how he wanted to go run off and be free of society? Yeah, mood. That’s all I wanted as a teenager too. (All I would want now too, honestly, if the environmental crisis weren’t already touching every corner of the planet.) But you know what I didn’t do? Drag my crush into my bullshit and then get mad when she didn’t want to be involved in it. Like yes, teenagers have different levels of self-awareness and emotional maturity but honestly I wasn’t great on the dealing-with-my-emotions thing and yet even I knew you don’t fucking do that. NO ONE fucking does that. Fuck off Holden you are not representative of the teenage experience.

Not to mention he thinks he’s SOOO smart. Oh yes, everything he says is just the deepest shit ever. “Ooooh I wonder where the ducks in central park go in the winter. I’m so much smarter and more observant than everyone else because everyone else is just going about their silly little lives without even caring what happens to the ducks in central park” MATE THEY FLY SOUTH. NO ONE ELSE SEEMS TO CARE BECAUSE YOU, SIR HOLDEN, ARE THE ONLY PERSON ABOVE THE AGE OF FIVE WHO DOESN’T KNOW THAT BIRDS FLY SOUTH FOR THE WINTER.

Basically, yes, all of us who went through rough patches as teenagers felt like “I’m depressed and angry and this is everyone else’s problem but mine” some of the time. SOME OF THE TIME. But Holden expresses this ALL OF THE TIME. Even the most depressed angry teenager has MOMENTS of self-awareness where they realize that this isn’t actually every single other person’s fault. But Holden has NONE. He literally NEVER understands how much of a whiny bastard he’s being. He NEVER understands that he’s being a pretentious asshole who also lacks basic common sense and understanding of the world. And it makes him impossible to like, impossible to enjoy reading about, impossible to relate to. Which, like I said, doesn’t necessarily mean the book is bad. But if the POINT of the book is to relate to a teenage audience, then yeah, it’s fucking bad.

When I read this book in 10th grade the teacher had us do an assignment on whether we thought Holden was still relatable today, or if his relatability had become outdated. I wrote an essay on how not only is Holden not relatable today, he never was in any way relatable in any context. We had to present them to the class and I was shocked that every single other person in the entire grade said he was still relatable. I asked several people why they thought so after class and every single one of them said that they didn’t actually think that, but it was obviously what the teacher wanted to hear. (They were probably smarter than me as the teacher disliked me after that.) Anyway, that’s my admittedly anecdotal evidence for the “book that adults think represent teenagers and just keep enforcing that viewpoint” theory.

Ngl, Catcher in the Rye? Kinda shit. Like genuinely just not that good of a book. A kid runs off for like a weekend and makes a bunch of dumb decisions and rambles about how depressing his life is, and that's it, that's the book.

People really made gold out of straw with that one.

[firelxdykatara]

gods, ok, apparently i’m not done.

atla fandom? we need to have a chat.

(....ok that made me sound pretentious as fuck. and maybe i am, but this needs to be said, cause i’m getting....real, real tired of a Certain Corner of this fandom and as a result, this is gonna be a discourse-heavy post so feel free to scroll past if that’s not your bag. as always, my salt posts all carry the catch-all #salt for ts tag, which you’re free to blacklist/filter at your leisure. i’m Very Annoyed at the moment, which will probably come through in the following post, so just. yknow. be prepared for that. or ignore it, that’s perfectly valid too.)

under a cut bc i do care for my followers and their sanity i swear lmao

there’s a real serious issue in this fandom with not understanding what queer terminology actually means or implies, especially when applied to a fictional narrative.

i’m specifically talking about ‘coding’, here. (if i were in a more meme-y mood, i might have said ‘the atla fandom found out about the term “gay-coding” and haven’t shut up since’.)

to the people who say ‘zuko is gay-coded’, i have this to say: you keep using that word. i do not think it means what you think it means. because he isn’t. i’m sorry, but he’s not! and the fact that this is such a prevalent claim in this fandom is distressing, bc it says to me that none of y’all know what gay-coding is or when and how to apply it! please, i’m begging you, go and look up these terms and what they mean and when they should be used before actually trying to plug them into your critical analysis, because when you misuse them and then call other people delusional for disagreeing with you it casts a pall over the entire fandom and is, i think, the root of some of the worst toxicity this fandom has to offer.

and the thing is, there are cases where gay-coding would apply--for instance, a couple series that are famous for queerbaiting their audience by coding their main characters as being attracted to one another (sometimes even despite their openly stated sexualities) come to mind, but those shows bare no similarities at all to atla and how zuko was written and portrayed! (and it would be funny, if it weren’t so obnoxious and infuriatingly wide-spread throughout the fandom, because the only queer couple we actually seen on-screen in either show wasn’t even queer-coded in any respect, and they’re canonically bi! [yes, i’m shading korrasami, or more accurately i’m shading bryke for refusing to give ka the build-up and development they deserved].)

this absolutely isn’t to say that headcanoning zuko as gay is a bad thing or invalid in any respect. (although the tendency for zukka shippers to do this specifically to keep zuko away from katara and/or invalidate his canon relationship/attraction to girls is more than a little eyebrow raising. especially since sokka is usually allowed to be bi, bc fans have no problem letting sukka stay in the background bc it’s no real threat, while jetko shippers are happy to have both boys be bi. [possibly bc katara is less a threat to jetko bc jetkotara is every bit as valid as any single ship between the three, but zukka can’t exactly let katara join in, and if the potential exists for zuko to be attracted to her then canon giving them the far deeper emotional bond becomes a threat to zukka’s existence? idk for sure--you be the judge.]) i prefer to hc zuko as bi (and always have, long before the atla renaissance), bc i don’t think zuko being attracted to boys is outside the realm of possibility, and it isn’t a threat to my ship since zuko&katara had a deep and emotional bond in canon that is very easy to develop further into something that becomes explicitly romantic--but the headcanon itself isn’t really the problem (although what it’s often in service to can be).

it’s the strange insistence that this is the only way to read his character, bc he was coded that way and so anyone who doesn’t see it must be too straight to understand--and i really shouldn’t have to say why and how that is so incredibly fucking insulting. (the ‘hetero lenses’ comment wasn’t cute when it came from bryke six years ago, and the same sentiment being repackaged and delivered by zukka shippers ain’t cute now.)

calling zuko gay-coded not only demonstrates ignorance as to what the term actually means, and how to usefully apply it in critical analysis, but also validates the frankly bullshit insertion of institutionalized homophobia in the world of atla where it was neither needed, nor wanted, nor ever hinted at in canon. as a queer woman i’m still infuriated by one fucking comic panel shoving institutionalized and systemic homophobia into a world where it was entirely unnecessary (and doing this in the first installment of the franchise showcasing a queer relationship??? making korra and asami worried about ‘coming out’ when they could have just gone on to have cute adventures together and tell people ‘hey we’re dating’ and have everyone else be ‘that’s awesome =DDD’ [because it is, in fact, possible to just have a world without homophobia i promise!!!!!] double yikes, i’m still pissed at bryke about it), and i doubly hate that ‘zuko is gay coded’ has become so widespread that ‘ozai hates him bc he’s gay’ has become a staple in that part of the fandom.

not only does making zuko gay and implying (or outright stating) that ozai hated and abused him because of it completely undermine zuko’s character arc by making his abuse about his sexuality rather than ozai’s toxic pride and anger at seeing himself reflected in his ‘weak’ son, but it comes very close to outright stating that abuse and trauma are inherently gay experiences, and they aren’t!!! they really aren’t, i promise!!!

abuse and trauma narratives exist outside of ‘my dad hates me because i’m gay’. and, quite frankly, there are MORE THAN ENOUGH queer trauma narratives out in the world. we do not need to start trying to retroactively make them canon in a series where they didn’t exist! if you’re gay and see yourself in zuko and project your own experiences on him, that’s understandable and valid. that does not make zuko gay-coded. and honestly, the insistence that he is makes very little sense to me, because you’re essentially trying to give the show credit for work you put into interpreting the characters! why would you want to do that? why not own your own headcanons and take credit for them, rather than insisting they are canon and everyone else is wrong for not seeing them??? like, i’ve said before that i’ve always headcanoned zuko (and katara) as bi, and even support it with my interpretations of evidence from the show, but the difference between ‘i think zuko is bi’ and ‘zuko is definitely gay-coded’ is that i know that bi zuko is my interpretation of canon, and that it is work i’m putting into the show that wasn’t actually intended by the creators/writers, no matter how much sexual tension i read into the jetko swordfight.

and like, zuko’s character arc doesn’t actually parallel a queer one all that well to begin with. it’s easy enough to do the work and twist it sideways just enough to make the general points fit, but the fact is, zuko’s arc is not one of self-discovery. it’s not one of coming to understand something fundamental about himself that he can’t change, that he was hated for, and coming out to his father in a dramatic confrontation where he shows that he understands himself and doesn’t need his father’s acceptance to be fulfilled.

zuko’s arc is actually one of trauma and healing. and those can (and often are--like i said, there are more than enough queer trauma narratives in the world, atla really doesn’t need to be one of them) be part of queer narratives, for sure! but they aren’t uniquely queer. and zuko’s confrontation with ozai during the eclipse doesn’t read like a ‘coming out’ at all. (yes, i’ve seen that post. yes, i rolled my eyes and moved on, bc unlike some people, i’m capable of not clowning on correctly tagged posts i disagree with.) zuko is specifically confronting ozai over his abuse, because his arc wasn’t about discovering anything fundamental about himself (and therefore realizing that ozai was hating him for something he couldn’t change)--it was about realizing that he was not at fault for the way his father treated him. it was also about realizing that the fire nation was broken and corrupt at its core, and that his father was an aspect of that he needed to break away from so that he could help the world begin to heal.

he says it himself:

Zuko: No, I've learned everything! And I've had to learn it on my own! Growing up, we were taught that the Fire Nation was the greatest civilization in history. And somehow, the War was our way of sharing our greatness with the rest of the world. What an amazing lie that was. The people of the world are terrified by the Fire Nation. They don't see our greatness. They hate us! And we deserve it! We've created an era of fear in the world. And if we don't want the world to destroy itself, we need to replace it with an era of peace and kindness.

making this about zuko being gay and rejecting ozai’s homophobia, rather than zuko learning fundamental truths about the world and about his home and about how there was something deeply wrong with his nation that needed to be fixed in order for the world to heal (and, no, ‘homophobia’ is not the answer to ‘what is wrong with the fire nation’, i’m still fucking pissed at bryke about that), misses the entire point of his character arc. this is the culmination of zuko realizing that he should never have had to earn his father’s love, because that should have been unconditional from the start. this is zuko realizing that he was not at fault for his father’s abuse--that speaking out of turn in a war meeting in no way justified fighting a duel with a child.

is that first realization (that a parent’s love should be unconditional, and if it isn’t, then that is the parent’s fault and not the child’s) something that queer kids in homophobic households/families can relate to? of course it is. but it’s also something that every other abused kid, straight kids and even queer kids who were abused for other reasons before they even knew they were anything other than cishet, can relate to as well. in that respect, it is not a uniquely queer experience, nor is it a uniquely queer story, and zuko not being attracted to girls (which is what a lot of it seems to boil down to, at the end of the day--cutting down zuko’s potential ships so that only zukka and a few far more niche ships are left standing) is not necessary to his character arc. nor does it particularly make sense.

(and before anyone brings up his date with jin--a) he enjoyed it when she kissed him, and b) he was a traumatized, abused child going out on a first date. of course he was fucking awkward. have you ever met a teenage boy????)

anyway, uh, that was a lot of words, so have a tl;dr: zuko is not gay-coded. there is nothing uniquely gay (or even uniquely queer) about his character arc or characterization, and he was certainly not coded gay in an attempt to sneak a queer character past the censors. if anyone involved with atla was gonna try that, it would’ve been in lok, and as established, they didn’t even manage to queer-code the actual queer relationship before the last few minutes of the final episode. headcanoning zuko as gay is absolutely fine (though if it’s only done to keep him away from female characters he may otherwise be attracted to, that smells more like misogyny than anything else), but insisting that this reading is the only one that makes sense, and anyone who doesn’t agree must be straight (hello, queer woman here making this insanely long thinkpiece) is very much not.

ship what you like, but stop trying to invalidate other ships and other interpretations of characters just to make your ship seem more plausible. it’s really not a good look.

[saphirered]

The Lovers

Spoilers for Campaign 2 Ep141

Man oh man oh man. I've had this one written since the day after the last episode but I've been soooooo hesitant to post it at all 🙈. Anyway... I'm just gonna regardless because it's just sitting there staring at me to either delete or post it 🤭. I hope you enjoy because I'm still so conflicted about his piece of writing 😅. Unless people actually like it I might just end up deleting it after all.

---

Jester had asked you to come along on another journey of the Nein Heroez. She needed your expertise for something but couldn’t get across what for within the twenty-five word limit. Regardless, the opportunity to see and travel with your friends is not one you’re just going to pass on so of course you happily made your way to Nicodranas. Maybe the ocean would do you some good. It’s been a while after all.

In the first few days of your journey Jester had been keeping a close eye on you, watching your responses and reactions. Specifically your reactions to any and all interactions with a certain lavender tiefling. When she was certain your responses to the tiefling in question were not in any way negative and cordial if not friendly you found yourself being paired with him more often than not. Watch, hoisting the sails or dropping them, food shifts and even at the helm a few times.

You caught an argument between Fjord and Jester a few weeks later. Fjord was defending you and telling Jester she couldn’t just play matchmaker after everything that had happened between the previous inhabiter of Kingsley’s body and you and how it might still be a painful subject of not once but twice being faced with someone that’s not the person you loved and lost.

Jester seeing reason in Fjord’s arguments put aside the love story she’d been trying to unfold with you and the poor tiefling as her main characters. The shifts you shared with Kingsley came to a close and would be no more often than any shifts shared with anyone else on the crew.

One day the Nein Heroez made port to stock up on some supplies after being hit by a storm and running short on food. The crew was given some downtime to enjoy the many pleasures port has to offer but you decided to stay back at the ship. You asked Jester for the cards.

You’re sitting crosslegged on the docks watching the sunset as the crew leaves in groups bidding you goodbye while they go. Once the majority of them have left you take out the cards and begin laying them in certain patterns starting with simple ‘yes/no’s onto the past present future and more complicated readings. You’re not paying attention to any particular results but instead study the drawings fondly.

“You’d call me a sentimental fool.” You snicker as the fool card is revealed in front of you.

“Sentimental? Yes. A fool? I’ve yet to decide.” You turn around at the familiar voice seeing the tails of the black sleeveless coat you’ve grown accustomed to seeing around. You pick up the cards and put them back in their order stacking them.

“Oh really? You’d think a few weeks of being not so inconspicuously paired together on any task possible would give you enough time to form an opinion on that?” You tease beginning a new read.

“Maybe that makes me the fool then.” You can almost hear the smirk in his words.

“Care to find out?” You put down card by card face down. You know how to push for certain results. A trick you’d picked up from your former lover. It feels right to use it against him in a strange twisted way like this. Not really him but close enough.

Kingsley sits down to the side, not trusting you to not push him off the docks if he were to make an offensive (in jest of course) remark. Gathering the cards back up you start over. Time for a bit of fun. You push for the first card setting it down face up in front of him.

“The owl and the bear. Some might say the most deadly combination when put together. Be watchful of the owl’s words or you might find yourself at the ends of the bear’s claws.”

“So it was a good idea to sit on this side and avoid meeting my waterlogged demise.”

“Are you doubting my capabilities, Kingsley?” You smirk and watch the tiefling gulp. You move on to the next card making a show of pulling it from the deck and displaying it.

“Look at that! What did I say. The fool has appeared. The cards have spoken. my fool.” You take a bow as if addressing the most pretentious royalty around limited only by your crosslegged position on the docks. Kingsley can’t help but let out a chuckle at your theatrics.

“The cards have spoken indeed! A fool I must be.” He plays along. You begin picking up the two cards and restack the deck.

“Hey hey hey, isn’t there supposed to be three cards for this one? Not two?” You stop. He’s not wrong technically. You raise an eyebrow at him, fan out the cards and allow him to pull one from the deck as per the variant of this reading, putting the fate in the hands of the drawer. Not really of course. Usually you’d still be able to push for a card for them to draw but for this one you’d leave it up to the divines. You’ve had your fun.

And fun it was until Kingsley kept the card for himself, studying it closely. You were curious to see which one he pulled but you hadn’t exactly paid attention to that like you’d otherwise done. You wait for him to either give it back or tell you what it is but he takes a long time.

“So what is it?” You ask, your curiosity getting the better of you. It still takes a good few seconds before he lowers the card so you can see it too.

“Oh.” Is all you manage to vocalise upon seeing the card. The Lovers. The familiar drawing of a lavender tiefling looking at another figure arm outstretched and love in their eyes. The image of the tiefling reaches for the outstretched hand of the other figure; your figure. You’re staring back at your own face and the expression Mollymauk had claimed to have plenty of visual references for to know he could properly draw you but would always ask for one more just to remind him.

“I’m so sorry.” Kingsley hands the card back to you and you keep staring at it. He stays for a little bit to make sure you’re alright as you’re hit with a whirlwind of emotions. Once he’s sure you’re alright he begins to get up.

“I’ll leave you to the rest of your evening. Someone’s gotta make sure these fools drink just enough and start a brawl or two.” You snap out of it putting the card back into the deck.

“Kingsley. It’s alright. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” The whirlwind subsides and you return back to a peaceful state of mind. You offer the tiefling a kind smile and he halts himself sitting back down still somewhat tense. He opens his mouth to say something but is quick to close it again. There’s a moment of silence between the two of you as you shuffle the cards absentmindedly. You catch onto the conflict and hesitation in Kingsley’s features.

“If there’s something you wish to say please do say it.”

“When you said you loved him… I think it never registered it was anything other than the love the others held for him. Strongly yes but I always assumed it was akin to Yasha’s. Why didn’t you say anything?” Kingsley states piecing things together watching you closely.

“It’s not a burden for you to bear.” You pull the Lovers card back up to the top and study it closely.

“I might not know much but I don’t think being faced with your dead lover’s body inhabited by someone not him doesn’t bother anyone. That’s just cruel.”

“It doesn’t bother me. Not anymore. I’ve grieved Molly when he died. I grieved him again when Lucien returned. I’ve gone through it all and accepted he’s not coming back and that’s okay. Everything comes to an end at some point. I don’t think it’s cruelty. I think everything is as it should be.” You speak honestly stroking your thumb over the card.

“I have so many questions.” Kingsley states. You get it. He woke up one day, recovering from death not knowing who he is or was before that moment beyond emotions and flashes of a past that didn’t feel like his. That’s exactly why you wanted to spare him another previous relation to figure out. Yes it might make things slightly more difficult for you but that’s not his fault. That’s no one’s fault.

“And I believe Beau gave you her notebook so you can read back about your predecessors. But you’re not ready for that yet, are you? That’s okay. Don’t read it until you feel ready.” Kingsley’s head shoots up to look at you. Why do you understand him? Maybe you’re wiser than he gives you credit for but he thinks you’re already pretty wise.

“Expectations. Everyone expected something of me but I didn’t live up to it. I’m not who he used to be and that disappoints people. But from you, you never expected anything from me. Why?” He’s piecing it together bit by bit. You never slipped up. Never asked him to put on a coat that wasn’t his or asked him if he remembered something. You never even asked him if he recalled anything about you or sought to involve yourself in his life without his permission.

“It’s unfair to expect someone to be or become someone they’re not and never will be. You get to be your own person free of the constraints of the past.” The answer is simple. There’s no deceit or doubt. No hidden message or intent behind it.

“How is it you of all people can say that without pain or regret or wishing it were different?” You turn the card back around and put it back in the deck in its place and put the cards away. You take a second before answering trying to formulate a proper answer as Kingsley waits studying every micro expression.

“Bear with me for this one.” You start and he nods. “Lucien was born lonely forced to fend for himself and make friends out of the need to survive. Molly rose from a grave alone and scared. He was taken in by friends but he had to find a home his home with them. He found that home and got kindness and love. You awoke surrounded by friends, no family you didn’t even know but would still love you regardless. No matter what, you’d always have a home with them. You’d be neither alone nor lonely unless you choose to be.” You explain and take breath before you continue.

“You plant random seeds in the ground it’s very unlikely you’re going to receive the same flower twice. The only similarity they have is that they are seeds and will grow as long as they have the right foundations to do so. When I look upon you I see Kingsley Tealeaf, a man that became a sailor after we brought him back from the Astral Sea. There may be similarities, your roots may even be the same but you are not the same. You are separate.”

Kingsley takes in your words very carefully with a sense of understanding and something with in him he couldn't quite pinpoint until now. Acceptance and content. Whatever might have been holding him back before, he’ll have to come to terms with that. That’s the past and if the past comes searching for him one day, so be it. Until then, Kingsley Tealeaf has a life of his own to live and to enjoy. Enjoy all life has to offer, to its fullest and don’t hold back.

Let the sailor become captain of his own ship knowing he has a home and a family that will welcome him with open arms to return to. Let the eight be nine despite the expectations of others. Be free and be happy. Live content.

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb, part 5.2

Also yes this is a 5 part story arc, why do you ask, no I’m not “avoiding real life work”

Main Chat

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW THERE ARE THOSE WHO WOULD COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING DRAGGED OUT OF BED AT AN UNGODLY HOUR FOR THE SAKE OF SOME JEWELRY AND FORCED INTO AN ADVENTURE

Wu Xie: And we are just so grateful you are above all that.

Zhang Qiling: You were fully awake and insisted we pack and go as soon as possible in case there was, and I quote, “more weird shit happening we can cash in on.”

Wu Xie: I mean it’s kind of interesting that the Zhang family sent a car for us. We could have driven. So what is going on there, I wonder?

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW FOR A PARANOID AND CONNIVING LITTLE SHIT YOU STILL RADIATE OBLIVIOUS BAMBI ENERGY

HATE TO BE THE ADMIRAL ACKBAR HERE BUT ITS DEF A TRAP MY BOY

WHY DO U THINK WE ARE MESSAGING AND NOT TALKING DUMMY

WERE YOU IN A TOMB ON THE DAY THEY TAUGHT PPL STRANGER DANGER

BUT NO NO YOU WERE ALL “LETS GET IN THE VAN WITH THE FREE CANDY AND PUPPIES I BET WE’RE GOING TO THE CIRCUS”

THIS IS THE LAST STRAW IM LOJACKING YOU FOR REAL THIS TIME, SHOULDVE DONE THIS YEARS AGO

Zhang Qiling: I agree, in this particular case, with Pangzi. You should not have gotten in their vehicle while we were still inside the house. It forced us to follow you into the van to prevent separation, and they seemed to be expecting that. I don’t know whether Zhang Rishan intended this, but I don’t trust him.

Wu Xie: :( I got excited and didn’t think it through. I’m sorry.

Wang Pangzi: DONT YOU GIVE US THE BIG EYES WE ARE IMMUNE

MOSTLY

SPEAKING OF IMMUNE ITS REALLY FUCKIN COLD IN HERE AND UR STILL SICK, PUT YOUR JACKET ON STUPID

Wu Xie: oh relax, I’m fine. No fever at all today, remember? I feel a lot better, too.

Wang Pangzi: YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE BUT TO HAVE XIAO GE INTERVENE

Zhang Qiling: It is odd to say this, but Pangzi is right again. You are barely back on your feet and could easily get worse again. Wu Xie. Jacket. Now.

Wu Xie: Oh fine. Teaming up on me, I see. Happy now?

Wang Pangzi: FUCKING ECSTATIC. NOW BACK TO HOW WE MAY BE PULLING A LI CU

Wu Xie: If it is an abduction, it wouldn’t be them moving against the whole Wu family—not with Uncle Erbai in charge. Zhang Rishan strikes me as someone who doesn’t make a move unless he is sure of his plan, and this is all a bit last-minute to be a big shift. Besides, they let Xiao Ge keep his sword and we still have all our phones.

Wang Pangzi: TOOK AWAY MY EXPLOSIVES THO THE BASTARDS

Zhang Qiling: In fairness, you were waving them around and yelling that if they tried anything it was going to be “yippeekiyay motherfucker all up in this bitch.”

Wang Pangzi: IT SOUNDS LESS COOL COMING FROM YOU. I THINK I SEE THE TEAHOUSE?

Wu Xie: me too. That’s Zhang Rishan on the steps. This must be urgent. Everybody stay shiny.

Zhang Qiling: I will be getting out first. Wu Xie in the middle, Pangzi at the rear.

Wang Pangzi: AND WHAT A VIEW;)

An hour later…

Main Chat

Wu Xie: Is everyone okay? I tried knocking but nothing is getting through, these are some solid walls.

Wu Xie: guys???

Wang Pangzi: OOPS PHONE WAS ON SILENT AND I WAS BUSY YELLING AT THE CEILING

IM PRESENT AND PISSED OFF

Zhang Qiling: Apologies, I was trying to break down the door.

Wang Pangzi: SO THIS MAY NOT BE THE TIME TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO BUT WHILE WE’RE HERE

Wu Xie: fuck Pangzi, I know, okay??

I’m an idiot, I’m so fucking stupid. It’s not like it’s the first or fiftieth time I’ve put you two in danger, either.

Wang Pangzi: HEY HEY WHOA NOW

STOP SAYING RUDE SHIT ABOUT MY FRIEND

ITS GONNA BE OKAY

DESPITE KNOWING THIS WAS A BAD IDEA I STILL COULDNT PREDICT HOW MUCH CHAOTIC LUCK THIS FAMILY HAS

DAMN IT I HATE WHEN HEI XIAZI IS RIGHT ABOUT THINGS

Zhang Qiling: I’m sorry. This is my fault. My line has a ruthlessly pragmatic streak and they’ve clearly wanted to test us separately to see why the necklace reacted to our arrival like that. It does not excuse Zhang Rishan trapping us in these separate rooms.

Wang Pangzi: UHH BITCH I SAID THIS FAMILY NOT YOUR FAMILY

THIS AINT ABOUT THEM

YOUR FAMILY IS ON MY SHIT LIST EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY

THIS FAMILY MEANT US OBVS

UGH ANY SIGN OF THE BASTARDS?

Zhang Qiling: no. Wu Xie?

Zhang Qiling: Wu Xie, answer me.

Wang Pangzi: WU XIE

TIANZHEN

PICK UP YOUR FUCKING PHONE DAMNIT YOU'RE SCARING XIAOGE

Zhang Qiling: I’m going to try breaking down the door again.

Wu Xie: Hello, Wang Pangzi and Zhang Qiling. My apologies for the rather inhospitable circumstances, but this seemed expedient considering the unknown qualities of the necklace. I could not be sure who was causing what, or what could happen next, and thus have temporarily set you in separate rooms for the sake of everyone’s safety.

Wang Pangzi: WTF GIVE HIM BACK HIS FUCKIN PHONE ZHANG RISHAN I KNOW ITS YOU YOU PRETENTIOUS ANTIQUE

WE DESTROYED THIS PLACE BEFORE AND WE CAN DO IT AGAIN

Zhang Qiling: Your concerns for everyone’s safety are noted. Thank you for whatever you believe you’ve done right here.

Now. If you release us immediately and return Wu Xie to us, we will consider leaving without direct personal retribution.

Wang Pangzi: WHAT HE SAID AND ALSO YOU SUCK

Wu Xie: I regret that this has happened, I hope to make it up to you in the future. For the purpose of today’s needs, however—I will have my men escort the two of you out if you so desire, but unfortunately Wu Xie will need to stay until we have finished examining him.

Wang Pangzi: EXAMINING??? YOU FUCKING PERV HANDS OFF HE MAY BE THE BELLE OF THE BALL BUT HIS DANCE CARD IS SPOKEN FOR

I SWEAR I DID NOT GO THROUGH TEN YEARS OF THIS STARCROSSED CLUSTERFUCK FOR YOU TO SWOOP IN AND STEAL MY FRIENDS BF

Wu Xie: There is no call for rudeness. He will not be harmed. The artifact was responding to him directly. It has not lit up like this in over 200 years, and I need to understand why it is responding, and responding to someone who is not our kin, which it has never done before. This could have implications for everyone in my family if it could protect someone at the right moment.

Wang Pangzi: OKAY BUT CONSIDERING OUR TRACK RECORD IN THIS BUILDING AND THE SITUATION AT HAND Y’ALL ARE ABOUT TO NEED PROTECTION

Wu Xie: The testing would be going better if Wu Xie wasn’t worrying himself unnecessarily over where you both are, it’s making our readings difficult.

Wang Pangzi: OH GEE SO SORRY YOUR KIDNAPPING VICTIMS ARENT THRILLED TO BE HERE TO SAMPLE YOUR CREEPY JEWELRY BOX BUT THAT SOUNDS LIKE A YOU PROBLEM

Zhang Qiling: Zhang Rishan. I appreciate that you must think of our family first in your decisions. As must I. I hope you can appreciate what that means for decisions I make.

Wang Pangzi: HEHEHE SO TRUE BESTIE

YOU PISSED OFF THE WRONG GOTH TODAY BUDDY BOY

Zhang Qiling: A compromise: we stay with him as you run your tests. That will calm him and assuage Pangzi’s concerns and prevent me from…testing the limits of your lifespan.

Wu Xie: I accept that this may temporarily impact our relations, but am hopeful that you will come to understand that sometimes I need to make certain choices for this family that are…difficult. I will come to let you—One moment. Something seems to be happening.

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: OH SO WE ARE GONNA JUST POLITELY SIT WITH WU XIE AS STRANGERS POKE HIM WITH NEEDLES ARE WE HUH WELL LOOK WHOS BEING A HELPFUL LITTLE LAB ASSISTANT

Zhang Qiling: I’m attempting to convince him to let us out. Of course we will not simply sit there. Some lying to gain trust is necessary here.

Wang Pangzi: UR BEIN A SHADY BITCH XIAOGE AND ITS HOT

THATS WHY YOUR TATTOO IS SO BIG ITS FULL OF SECRETS

ALWAYS KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU TO—WAIT WHAT WAS THAT SOUND??

At the same time…

Bonnie and Clyde Chat

Xie Yuchen: …so, this is not what I expected to find.

Hei Yangjing: yeah kiddo is a bit freaked out:/ this sucks. I mean I get that they are concerned blah blah blah necklace goes brightbright but maybe we should go find the other two

or at least find a way to let Wu Xie know we are here, that room he’s in looks like a dungeon and not in a good way

Xie Yuchen: Does it look like I’m able to do anything right now? Also, I’m fairly certain they won’t be harmed. Zhang Rishan may be callous, but he isn’t stupid.

Hei Yangjing: r u kidding

he split up Romeo and Juliet, then left Romeo with a sword—seems pretty stupid to me

Xie Yuchen: Yeah I’m not going near that. He made his bed with that choice. What can you see? These Neanderthal guards are blocking my view.

Hei Yangjing: uh so there’s like a lab table situation

Wu Xie isn’t tied up, a good sign in this context

I can’t see what those people are holding, they’re talking a lot and some asshole just grabbed Wu Xie’s arm, looks like maybe they are putting in an IV?

The necklace is—oh. Oh shit.

[docholligay]

The Time Traveler’s Bullshit

@katrani comissioned me to write out my full review of The Time Traverler’s Wife, my most hated book of the year thus far, and I feel like it won’t be dethroned. nearly 3,000 words and I skipped a whole section I was going to write about, ENJOY

Three dollars and ninety nine cents will buy you a Big Mac. It will buy you four hours of downtown parking in my city. Three dollars and ninety-nine cents will buy you a latte made with burnt coffee at Starbucks. For Three dollars and ninety-nine cents, I can get a can of terrible beer and have a dollar left over for tip. All of which would have been a better choice than what I ultimately spent that three dollars and ninety-nine cents on, which was this book. 

I am careful to read hyped books out of their time, so that I’m not influenced by something that has been so lauded no book could ever hope to reach those heights. So when this first came around, and I saw many women talking about how much they had loved it, I figured I would just read it later. I buy books used, so this is generally what I do even outside of worrying about being affected. 

I finally picked this book up after a reader of mine told me it reminded them of my writing. 

After reading it, several years after all the hype, I have one question: Are women who fuck men okay? 

(“Why not just straight women, Doc?” you may rightly ask me, and I, unfortunately, am forced to answer that I know a number of bisexual women who also enjoyed this book, leading me to believe that the trouble is far worse than previously imagined.)

I found this book to be borderline insulting, and if I didn’t know any better, I would have claimed this book was written by a man. The entire way through I felt the constant assault of the idea that this reminded someone of ME. What have I been doing wrong all my life, I asked? I should probably give up writing. 

Let’s go into the book itself!

The core of the novel hinges around the idea that Henry goes through time without wanting to and with no consious conrol, and so in a sense lives his life out of order. This is a fascinating idea but for the fact that book’s main hinge is the relationship between Clare and Henry. 

Who Henry meets, as an adult out of time, when she is six. 

And proceeds to groom her to be his wife someday. 

Oh, it isn’t put that way, of course, it’s simply that they end up married and so, I suppose the author might say, it’s only natural that Henry interact with her when he comes the “the Meadow” nearby where she lives. But this sort of “things are already decided” that the author is extremely fond of does not remove this intensely squicky framework from their relationship. Henry begins with Clare when she is six years old, and it comes on VERY fast that they are supposed to get married. She is at a sleepover, still as a literal child, ELEVEN YEARS OLD, when the Ouija board spells out his name as the boy who likes her. 

The book takes pains to describe how he won;t have sex with her until she’s 18, but how difficult it is for a thirties to forties man not to have sex with her when she’s 15, 16, 17. I want to say there might be a part where he describes it when she’s 14, but I can’t find it in the book right now, so we’ll pretend it’s not there. “But they’re married in the furute!” one might say, listen if my wife had to resist having sex with sixteen year old me, and didn’t see me as a fucking child, I would think she was gross. It’s gross for a thirty-something to forty -something dde to struggle not to fuck a teenager, period, end of story. 

All of this is wrapped in the book’s idea that this is romantic, instead of the idea that Clare’s “date with destiny” is tragic. She doesn’t ever have a boyfriend, because she is “waiting for Henry”. She sleeps with one of Henry’s friends before he and Clare ever officially “meet” and bursts into tears because she feels as if she has been unfaithful. Meanwhile, Henry is out having girlfriends like no one’s business, and “Well Doc he doesn’t know” why is Clare the one who has to bear this arranged marriage? 

Clare herself even alludes to the way she’s being groomed to be the woman he wants in a way that I DO NOT THINK the author intended, as the author is desperately wrapped up in the idea that this is sexy and romantic and not deeply fucking unsettling. 

Pretentious-ass Henry is dropping German into a casual conversation with a thirteen year old so that you know he is learned and cool, and explain that it’s from Rilke, one of their (note: Not your, but OUR) favorite poets. 

Clare responds: “You’re doing it again!” 

“What?” 

“Telling me what I like.” Clare burrows into my lap with her feet. Without thinking I put my feet on her shoulders, but then that seems too sexual, somehow, and I quickly take Clare’s feet in my hands again and hold them together with one hand in the air as she lies on her back, innocent and angelic with her hair spread nimbus-like around her on the blanket. (Sidebar: I can only fucking imagine that the sort of people that are into this are the sort of people who think nothing at the idea of some Victorian gentleman marrying his attractive young ward, as apparently there’s no problem with having seen someone as a child and then having them marry you! It’s not deeply fucked up at all!)  …..

“Henry?” 

“Yes?”

“You are making me different.” 

“I know.” 

These brief asides are meant to make us feel that Henry has done enough to assuage his guilt, that we are meant to forget that what he is doing is wrong. The book goes so far as to have sixteen year old Clare be the aggressor with a 37 or so year old Henry, as a way of trying to tell us, “Oh look none of this can be Henry’s fault” and an absolutely cringeworthy section where Henry goes and beats up a kid who took Clare on a date and proceeded to assault her. (She dates him to prove she’s not a dyke wow what a great book and thank you for reminding us that Clare never wants to see anyone else for her own sake even as a teenager, very healthy)

All of which would make me a hell of a lot more mad if I managed to like Clare even a little bit. But it’s not at all surprising that I don't--Clare is hardly a character in this story so much as she’s a cardboard cutout that exists for Henry. 

Each of her desires and thoughts revolves around him, from the time she’s a child, save for minor pouting incidents when Henry either won’t tell her something, or disagrees with her. But she always caves, but for the exception of having a child, another horrible thing we’re meant to feel sorry for them in, but I, at least, never really do, as they know the problem, they know how horribly Henry’s life has been affected, and yet they persevere. I find myself asking why in the fuck they don’t use donor sperm, but I suppose that would not fulfill Clare’s real use as being Henry’s vessel. It might have been very touching to write about their experience of infertility if they were likeable at all, or the chapters were anything but flat and emotionless despite dealing with really high-emotion topics. It’s essentially Clare saying “I want a baby inside me” and having a series of miscarriages. I’ve read more compelling narratives on online message boards. 

Not to mention when Henry suggests adopting and Clare says “That would be pretending” bitch fuck ALL THE WAY OFF. I repeat: WE ARE MEANT TO LIKE THIS CHARACTER. NOTHING ABOUT HER IS SHOWN AS A NEGATIVE. 

A fair amount of time in the book is spent describing how hot Clare is, and it’s a bit cringey to read about a super hot redhead with great tits and also rich, who’s a visual artist, and then flip to the back and see a redheaded visual artist as the author. It’s not that I don’t believe that authors are ever allowed to find themselves in a character, quite the contrary, but one hopes that there would be a level of detachment or at least plausible deniability. But no, Clare is nothing but wish fulfillment for the author, but unfortunately cannot fulfill any of ours. I get the sense that these characters are far more complex and layered in Niffenegger’s head, but they fall completely flat on the page, sketches of annoying human beings. 

Clare seems to have been raised in an Austen novel, where the home is noted for its architecture and we ‘dress for dinner’ which could be intensely compelling if they ever went anywhere with it. But we don’t. Because of course Clare’s raising in a straightlaced, extremely wealthy family has no affect on her and she is a very cool girl who is laid back and likes the right music and poetry. (Sidebar: The name dropping in this novel is SO TIRESOME. Every band, artist, poet, etc has to be named and identified so your are aware of how absolutely well-read and smart and cool Niffenegger is) 

The we’re meant to feel for Henry when her family finds out that he is half-Jewish which I suppose is meant to be shocking when he doesn’t practice or isn’t different in any marked way from her family? The character has no Jewishness in him but as a side note and dare I say for shock value. Her family isn’t even written as believably against the union, as no one can resist super cool hipster protag Henry DeTamble (Even his name sounds INSUFFERABLE) 

The problem, of course, is that the very wealthy can buy their way out of many problems, meaning that an author has to have a particular deftness of hand in order to make you feel something for them. This is not that author. Any sympathy one might have for Clare goes immediately out the window when she’s complaining about having only a small room for a studio in which to create, while she’s living off the INTEREST from her trust fund, and hiring a cleaning service because neither of them is willing to vacuum. Not her trust fund. The INTEREST from her trust fund, which means there must be so much fucking money in there we all want to scream. 

Of course, Henry goes into the future and wins the lottery so they can give her a new studio, I shit you not this is a thing that happens in a novel where we are supposedly meant to identify with the characters and feel for them. They buy a nice house with a separate studio in the backyard, not even in the house, just a large brick edifice where Clare can do whatever she wants because these people don’t have consequences until Henry’s death, and by the time he dies, we’re all thanking God that at least there’s one thing they can’t weasel out of. The book has the audacity to have them, later, describe having a private box as one of their “little indulgences” friends a private box is the realm of $1,800 dollars for ONE showing of an opera, and while I am a believer in the good of occasionally saving up to do something that is an experience, there is no way I would describe that as an ‘indulgence” but these people have such wealth that they never need worry about anything at all, except the central point, which is that Henry drifts in and out of time and we would like to sentence a child to that. 

Henry himself is a collection of traits rather than a person--it is so important to the author that we know he is a real punk with great musical taste, that he knows German and poetry and Chicago--it’s all rather a laundry list of the long-haired, tall, punkish but very classically learned boyfriend Niffenegger would like to have rather than someone who has a heart or a mind.  But the luck of it all is that she clearly cares about henry far more than she does Clare, and so he gets a bit of fleshing out with a tragic anime backstory and all that, and from time to time we see bursts of real humanity in his character. 

Their love, even if it were not burdened by the exceptional trouble of CLARE BEING GROOMED AS A CHILD, has the weight of air. Henry is a womanizer with a drug problem, but then he meets Clare, hot rich redhead who proves she’s known him her whole life, and suddenly the magic swelling violins are in the background, love has found its day, and no more is ever said about it.The book refuses to get anywhere deep into how they feel about things and why, it is only glancing blows that seem to suggest an emotion rather than allowing ourselves to get into their minds.  

The bulk of the description of their love is sex. Sex sex sex. I get it, they are hot for each other, I am trying very hard to get over the fact that they are married when Clare is 22 and Henry is thirty, but you’re giving me nothing to pin their relationship on but the fact that they enjoy railing each other and Henry has been around since Clare was a child. I don’t understand the why of their relationship even once, it all seems so accidental, and I wanted there to be a lesson, or something to be said about humanity and relationships, but I found nothing save for maybe the idea that women are fully engrossed in their relationships and men basically luck into them and then drop out from time to time? But even that is far far deeper than I think the novel deserves credit for. 

The side characters are somehow worse, mainly racist stereotypes or one note characters who ALSO exist to have their lives enhanced by the protagonists. Even their friends only exist so that Gomez can have the hots for Clare for years, because Everyone Wants To Bone Clare. 

The writing itself is terrible too, written in the style of a script, almost, rapidly shifting between first person narratives in a matter of one or two paragraphs, often, helpfully telling who is talking by, I shit you not, putting “CLARE:” or “HENRY:” before the paragraphs, so we can enjoy who it is that is navel gazing and picking over the conversation without saying anything really, save for how badly Henry wants to fuck his super hot wife, who may or may not currently be a teenager, and how desperately Clare loves him, and has loved him since she was a child, for reasons that remain unclear. 

It’s padded out and ridiculous and reads like some of the drafts when I am being a complete garbage pile, and thank you to the person online who had already typed this out so I didn’t have to:

Henry:

Clare is wearing a wine-colored velvet dress and pearls. She looks like a Botticelli by way of John Graham: huge gray eyes, long nose, tiny delicate mouth like a geisha. She has long red hair that covers her shoulders and falls to the middle of her back. Clare is so pale she looks like a waxwork in the candlelight. I thrust the roses at her. "For you."

Please try to read that with a straight face and get back to me, i could not manage it, and it was early on the book, and this sort of thing goes on for pages, if you don’t like hearing about how pale Clare is, and that she has red hair, her two most dominating character traits, you are in for a very, very rough time. 

The narrative voice of the characters is identical. I mean, I suppose I should thank whatever god is responsible for this clusterfuck for the CLARE and HENRY bits because otherwise I would have no clue who was talking from moment to moment. Does NIffenegger think all people think alike? That their internal monologues are the same? It seems to me she must because I can’t figure any other way that one could write two characters and have them, even when their opinions differ, sound like the exact same person. 

I did enjoy the letter at the end of this story--and this is where I saw where my reader connected me to this book--it almost seems as if it was written for a different novel, a novel about a doomed love between two people that truly loved each other and had rich inner lives. It’s beautiful, or it would be totally removed from this novel. 

This review has, in itself, gotten to be as rambling and listing as the novel, and so I will let it rest here. I read incredibly fast. This took me something like five or six hours to read. It was a waste of every single one of those hours and I wish I had gotten a Big Mac instead. Save yourself, save six hours, save three dollars and ninety-nine cents, and read literally anything else. 

[morphedphaseblog]

The starless sea by Erin Morgenstern

Goodreads version

The introduction

This is just to warn everyone that I'm not a literature student, an English major nor a native English speaker, so I'm sorry in advance if this is a jumbled mess. I tend to ramble a lot but I've really tried to keep this as short as possible. (Short meaning a little bit over two thousand words for one review, I've never written a review this long.) I wrote this for self indulgence and for my lovely book club @readerbookclub

The first impression

This book pleasantly surprised me, it was like a very long dream that you don't want to wake up from. The moment I finished it I wished that I hadn't because I couldn't part from it just yet. It would feel almost like cheating, I wanted the intertwined stories to continue and for me to remain in its trance, lost in the beautiful writing and bizarre world.

I will be the first to admit that when someone says the story is written almost poem-like, in prose, and similar, I will immediately think of meaningless quotes that are there just to look pretty. Characters saying things just to sound deep, frilly writing that leads nowhere, and dragged on descriptions that had no place being that long and boring. Those are the first things I think of when I'm confronted with someone explaining those kinds of books to me, and that's completely my fault. This book was none of that, it was captivating from the first page to the last.

"There is a pirate in the basement. (The pirate is a metaphor but also still a person.) "

I can tell you, when I first read this, on the first goddamn page, I was hooked. This book has a strong bizzare sort of setting, one that almost reminds me of Neil Gaiman, distinctively Neverwhere with its underground society and twisted perceptions of reality, and yet this book stands out on its own as an individual. It's definitely a unique book, one that I'm still hesitant to part from.

The writing

This book has a very unique writing style, one that is extremely consistent throughout the book. There's nothing I hate more than an inconsistent writing style that changes without a reason. The author plays around with words and describes things simply yet poetically. There were only maybe two instances where I thought the writing was a bit pretentious, but ultimately the good outweighs the bad.

I don't know what exactly it is, but I will try and explain through the next few quotes:

"The book is mis-shelved in the fiction section, even though the majority of it is true and the rest is true enough"

(This really gives you the sense of vague foreshadowing in the book, where even though the description tells you sweet sorrows is mostly true you don't realise how true it actually is. I never saw the fact that the characters in that book would be actual people that interact with our main characters. Plus the writing is really pretty)

"It's binding has been cracked a handful of times, once a professor even perused the first few pages and intended to come back to it but forgot about it instead."

(Is it just me but these small detailed descriptions really give you a sense of real world happenings and that the story is really set in the real world. You can imagine people passing their fingers over the spine of the book before glancing around and getting distracted with something else. The professor taking it into his hands and skimming it but ultimately forgetting all about it later, and finally Zachary reading the whole book from top to bottom.)

"His dark hair is grading at the temples, framing a face that would be called handsome if the word rugged or unconventionally were attached to it."

(Now I'm in love with this kind of mental visual, it's fun and it almost plays with your expectations. I just really like small things like these, they immediately make my reading extremely entertaining.)

"Someone in the corner is dressed as a highly recognizable author or, Zachary thinks as he gets a closer look, it might be that highly recognizable author."

(Again as before, this is the kind of writing I like. It plays with your imaginary visuals of what's happening and making them ten times more fun, especially when we confirm a bit later that that had indeed been that highly recognizable author.)

"He walks over bones he mistakes for dust and nothingness he mistakes for bones."

(Yet another example of those fun visuals, I didn't even realise how many of these I had marked until I had to go through them for this review. I just adore this writing style.)

I have so many more of these so here are just a few more to really make this review even longer:

"A portrait of a young man in a coat with a great many buttons but the buttons are all tiny clocks, from the collar to the cuffs, each reading different times."

"His face is so much more than hair and eye colour, she wonders why books do not describe the curves of noses or the length of the eyelashes. She studies the shape of his lips. Perhaps a face is too complicated to capture in words."

"There are dozens of giant statues. Some figures have animal heads and others have list their heads entirely. They are listed throughout the space in a way that looks so organic that Zachary would not be surprised if they moved, or perhaps they are moving, very, very slowly."

"The figure in the chair is carved from snow and ice. As her gown cascades down around the chair the ripples in the fabric become waves, and within waves there are ships and sailors and sea monsters and then the sea within her gown is lost in the drifting snow."

"Allegra watches him with studied interest from the other end of the table, the way one watches a tiger in a zoo or possibly the way the tiger watches the tourists."

"It sounds strange and empty now, in her head. Rhyme can hear the hum of the past stories though they are low and quiet, the stories always calm once they have been written down whether they are past stories or present stories or future stories.

It is the absence of the high-pitched stories of the future that is the most strange. There is the thrum of what will pass in the next few minutes buzzing in her ears- so faint compared to the tales layered upon tales that she once heard- and then nothing. Then this place will have no more tales to tell." .

(Probably one of my favourites, it really highlights everything I like about this style of writing.)

Another kind of writing style I noticed in the book was an abundance of making things literally feel alive, giving human emotions to objects, personification. I don't come across this too often in other books, and when it happens it isn't repeated as often in that same book,since it tends to get old, but as we have already learned Erin Morgenstern never makes this boring. She plays around with this and never seems to stop, adding another layer to her writing cake. I love how she gives these characteristics to even the smallest of crevices hidden in shadows, something just people wouldn't even think of.

"He takes his torch and explores the shadows, away from the doors and the tent, among jagged crystals and forgotten architecture. He carries the light into places long unfamiliar with illumination that accept it like a half-remembered dream."

"Outside the inn the wind howls, confused by this turn of events. (The wind does not like to be confused. Confusion ruins it's sense of direction and direction is everything to the wind.)"

"The wind howls after him as he leaves in fear of what is to come, but a mortal cannot understand the wishes of the wind no matter how loud it cries and so these final warnings go unheeded."

"If the sword could sigh with relief as it is taken from its scabbard it would, for it has been lost and found so many times before and it knows this time will be the last."

One more thing that caught my eye in the writing was also the composition, where we technically start with in medias Res. We find out by the end of the book that everything that has happened was one big ass story wrapped in stories and overlapped with other stories. So Zachary literally comes in not even in the middle of the story, but at the very end that has been overdue for quite some time. This makes for a very interesting storyline as all the other storylines intertwine into eachother, it makes for an even more interesting read as our MC comes in only when the plot is at its end, tipping over the very edge.

(I also got the feeling that the entire book is almost told through the perspective of the story, if that makes any sense whatsoever. It's almost like the story, that is bound together like the most complicated twister game, is alive and is smiling over our characters smugly waiting for everything to run its course. Like an omnipresent god, that's at least the vibe I got reading the book. )

The world building

Now in my opinion the world building goes hand in hand with the writing in this book. Every detail I mentioned before builds the atmosphere and the base of all the world building in this book. The way the plot is written is written also contributes to the world building, as all the stories overlap and meet at the very end. The looping plot line is actually my number one favourite thing in the entire book.

There isn't that much to say except 'what the hell is going on?' in the best way possible, to the world building, because as confusing as it can be it's amazing to read and I think that it's one of my favourite aspects of the book.

The Characters

Now is time for the weakest part of the book, its characters, who even though I think are amazing, are definitely flatter than everything else in the book.

In my opinion most characters personalities I just can't pinpoint, and even though this personally doesn't take away from my enjoyment too much, I know a lot of people love well defined character personalities.

For some characters I can understand the constant change in character, like Mirabel, whose multiple lifetimes make it so it makes sense why her personalities overlap and make little sense. She constantly felt a bit inconsistent to me, but again I personally didn't think it ruined the book.

The most well developed personalities I could feel were Kat and the keeper, and at times Dorian. Zachary is a weird gray area for me, because even though I loved his character, I can't really tell who he is besides the son of the fortuneteller. I think that most of the character building was sacrificed to make the plot and the world feel alive. As I said before, it feels like the omnipresent god and the world is more developed than any of the characters personalities.

I usually love marking all 'character moments' where I feel like I can understand what kind of person the character is, their sense of humour, friendship, socializing, thinking and so on. But I found myself marking basically nothing of that kind in this book, just the beautiful descriptions of the world. The story was just more alive than the characters in it.

I liked all the romances even though they all lacked some depth, but the fairytale style writing of the romance definitely made them extremely enjoyable. If it weren't for the fairytale vibe all the romance would have been just flat, and I  wouldn’t be invested at all.

The Conclusion

I wouldn't reccomend this book for everyone, as I think great many people wouldn't be fans of the writing, and so the lack of character depth wouldn't help either and there would be no good to outweigh the bad. I truly think this book is a perfect 4 starts but to me personally it is 5 stars. I am just such a big fan of the looping storyline, I still haven't gotten over that. To finish it all off here are a few extra quotes that I liked:

"No one takes responsibility. Everyone assumes someone else will do it, so no one does."

"It is critical to steep the tests in ignorance to result in uncorrupted responses."

"They all have similar elements, though. All stories do, no matter what form they take. Something was, and then something changed. Change is what a story is, after all."

[kgmi-tsrgi]

AdrimiWeek2019 Day 1 - Isolation

@adrigami-week

“You’re quite a dancer Madame Tsurugi.” The servant gave her a gentle smile, his blue-tipped hair swaying as he poured her a glass from the refreshments table. “It’s a rare occasion to see the heiress at an event like this.” Or ever, she thought, accepting his drink.

“Thank you Monsieur… Luka, was it?” Kagami eyed the drink carefully. “One always has to be wary of assasination attempts, especially when the current political affair is… we know how it always is.” 

Luka chuckled and nodded. “Well, whatever happens, I hope for only the best. If you ever come back, maybe I’ll have usurped the ranks and become a noble. I’m sure I’ll become a better dancing partner in any case.”

Kagami gave a small hum in response. “For a peasant born like you, you certainly had a way with your movements. You could charm anyone here… Shame no other noble would give you the time of day.” The drink swirled around in her glass, yet remained undrunk.

The gentleman quirked an eyebrow at her comments. “Oh? And why would the Tsurugi heiress bother a mere servant at the gala?”

Discreetly, she placed the tip of her nail into the glass. “To rebel against my mother’s futile isolation policy, of course.” Her once transparent nail turned bright red. Spiked. “Being cooped up in an estate for months on end can be particularly… dreadful. Not only do you forget how to interact with those around you, but undesirable feelings can show and take a turn for the worse.”

Kagami was unsure why she was telling a possible assassin about her isolation and how it had affected her as a child. She wouldn’t be telling her mother about this however, the rest of the nobles in this forsaken place could burn for all she cared. They were the ones who put her in a suffocating place, they were the ones who deprived her of any connections and friends, they were the ones who kept her chained from the world.

“My condolences Madame. I sincerely hope things will turn out for the better.”  He softly smiled.

They bid adieu, and Kagami wandered off the ballroom floor, making plans to get rid of her spiked drink.

+++

The hedge maze seemed to be a bit pretentious, but it was only befitting for such a family like the Bourgeois’s. The carefully clipped bushes called to her, almost beckoning her to fall into its trap and suffocate her forever.

If she were to be isolated forever, better a beautiful maze than the depths of the Tsurugi estate she supposed. Kagami still had her drink spiked with who knew what in it, and she’ll be damned if she were to be caught with a drugged glass. Yes, she thought, better the maze.

The stars shone above in the night sky as she let herself loose within the cornered pathways. Get lost, dispose of the drink where no one could find it, that was all she had to do. Despite her rigorous thought sequence, Kagami found herself twirling in the moonlight, prancing around the maze with all of her cares tossed in the wind.

“You’re quite a dancer Madame-” An unexpected voice crept through the open air, startling Kagami as she whirled around, ready to strike the servant she had previously danced with. Throwing the glass towards the voice, she jumped back and crouched low, listening for the tell tale signs of a struck down enemy.

Her eyes scaled the darkness, spotting the sad dark lump on the maze floor. Kagami cautiously moved towards the figure, brandishing a stick she had found in case they would try to fight back.

“Ow…” she could hear the figure moan. She gulped, but took a step closer nonetheless.

On closer observation, she could see the faint stain of her drink on their suit. He, she noted that he had to be a guy, had a much darker suit than the servant from before, his blazer as dark as the night with an electric green accent. And… oh dear, his hair. His gorgeous blond locks looked nothing like the blue tips the servant had. Kagami had believed she was completely isolated, and from thinking such a thing, she had thrown her spiked drink at the wrong person.

She had thrown her spiked drink at the wrong person.

“What- pray tell,” Her eyes locked with stunning green, heart sinking as she put two and two together. “-did you do that for?”

Adrien Agreste, heir to the well-associated Agreste family, heavily acquainted with the Bourgeois.

Her mother was going to kill her.

“I- I,” Kagami managed to sputter out, dropping the stick as if it burned. “I’m so sorry. I swear- I was deeply on edge, I thought… I thought you… I made a mistake, and- I am so sorry..” Mother was going to profusely punish her, she was going to lock her up all alone and it was all her fault-

“S’okay. You don’t have to worry about it.” He wobbled up to his feet, unceremoniously dusting himself off. “What were you doing here anyways?”

“I… The drink was poisoned. Or drugged, or… I don’t really know.” His face blanched, and Kagami quickly bit her tongue. “I was trying to get rid of it discreetly, wouldn’t want an uproar at the Bourgeois’s party after all, right?” Adrien chuckled back nervously. “I thought this place was pretty isolated away from everyone and when you came…” She trailed off, the pit growing deeper in her stomach. “I thought someone had come to finish the job.”

“I guess it’s not everyday the Tsurugi heiress comes out to the public. I’m… sorry you had to go through that.” He extended her a hand. “I’m Adrien, Adrien Agreste, but I guess you figured that out already, me being the main guest and all.” She nodded along.

“I’m Kagami Tsurugi, but I guess you already knew that too.” Her hand stretched to take his, and she firmly grasped it into a firm handshake. He lazily grinned, looking up towards the moonlit sky.

His hand lifted, before twisting to hold hers as if she were a lady in waiting. “Well, Kagami, how about we share a dance? After that little mishap, I think you do owe me a little favor.”

She giggled at his proposal. “Of course Adrien, I would love to.”

[lostsoulobsidian]

She likes detective stories

ElongSue fanfic, Ralph Dibny/Sue Dearbon (kind of, implied I guess). The Flash CW

After an interview with Sue’s former boyfriend, Ralph thinks about her and he's shocked to notice he's starting to see her as something else than a case.

It hadn't been easy, getting an appointment with Mr. Wladon. He was quite busy, being the head, in Washington, of the consulate of Modora, a tiny but wealthy republic in Eastern Europe. 

He was also the man whom Sue Dearbon had had her most serious relationship with, according to her parents.

Ralph had had to call to the consulate several times, but his secretary kept giving him the round around, because he was a nobody, until he decided to throw discretion away and say it was about Sue’s disappearance. After that, the secretary rushed to call him back to make an appointment.

Once he was, at last, at his magnificent (and maybe a bit pretentious) office, he got to study the guy. Bito Wladon was a handsome, well dressed and dark-haired man, with a fancily trimmed beard and almost as tall as Ralph himself. Obviously, that young lady was used to have only the finest in everything - clothes, jewels... and boyfriends.

"Mr. Dibny". He greeted, extending his hand to him; his English had a weird accent. "My secretary informed me that you want to talk about Susan Dearbon. I-I didn't know she was missing. I thought she was on a trip across Europe''.

Sue's parents had spread that excuse around for all the not-so-close friends, relatives and acquaintances for the sake of discretion. Starting a nationwide search when she could have just fled for her own will would have entailed a scandal for both the Dearbons and Sue herself.

"When was the last time you saw Miss Dearbon?"

"In July of last year, when we broke up. We went separate ways since then."

He sharpened his senses. Being dumped is a good motive for revenge.

"I know this could be a little personal to ask, but why did you break your relationship? Was it a mutual decision or...?”

Wladon seemed embarrassed but answered anyway.

"She did break up, but it was my fault. I... proposed to her, I think before she was ready. Maybe I scared her. She said she was sorry but didn't want to tie herself down to anyone."

"Sorry to hear it", Ralph tried to sound sympathetic.

"I knew she didn't believe in marriage, but I had to try. She is the most amazing woman in the world, and I would have been the luckiest man if she had accepted me. But I doubt there’s someone so lucky. She never got too attached to anyone. She’s a free spirit".

For some reason, Ralph started to feel uneasy.

"Do you know if she had enemies, anyone who would want to harm her for some reason..."

"I don't think she has enemies; she is the kind of person who everybody likes. But she might have gotten into trouble".

"Trouble?", Ralph raised his eyes from his notebook. "Could you explain that?"

"Well, she has a thing for detectives".

He blinked in confusion.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I mean, she likes detective stories, mysteries. With passion. She has read all the books about mystery and crimes, and has watched every movie and show with detectives, especially the noir genre. Though her favorite are the ones of The Thin Man series."

"The Thin Man?"

"Yes. You know, the classic films with William Powell and Myrna Loy. They are her favorite movies."

"The Thin… all right". Ralph wrote the title on his notebook. He didn't know whether it would be useful but knowing his target's thoughts and preferences could help him to track her steps.

"She liked this detective thing so much that she liked to play it in the real life. She used to think her life as a mystery, adventurous story; and see herself as a detective amateur."

"Like Nancy Drew, you would say?", Ralph pointed out.

"Sort of", Wladon nodded with a smile. "She used to see hints for crimes or conspiracies everywhere and liked to follow the tracks she considered to be the most important, like it was an actual investigation", he recalled. "Her friends and I didn't mind that hobby of hers, it was one of her little eccentricities that made her so special. But now I think she might have run into something dangerous. Maybe, a real crime."

"I see", Ralph answered. "Do you remember something she could have said about those so-called 'investigations' of hers? Anything remarkable?"  

"I don't know, she liked to follow up so many seeming clues... I remember once she told me she thought there was a dark, criminal organization wherein the highest echelons were involved. I didn't pay her much attention; she was always with those conspiracy theories. I'd wish I had listened to her so I could provide you with more details. I don't know whether she was right or wrong, but I couldn't forgive myself if something has happened to her."

Should he follow up on that "dark organization" track? Maybe he should gather more information from other sources. Until that, it seemed too vague for centering his investigation on it.   

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that. Thank you for your time, Mr. Wladon."

Ralph was quite sure that Bito Wladon was not responsible in Sue Dearbon's disappearance. Husbands, boyfriends (including former husbands or boyfriends) ... used to be the first suspects when a woman went missing, and usually not without a reason. Ralph's instincts didn't use to fail him. He used to know, just looking into the suspect's eyes, whether they were innocent or guilty. Many times, the husband or boyfriend was the culprit, like Regan Gimlin.

But that was not the case. Wladon's eyes didn't show guilt nor fear. He seemed to be ambitious and condescending, sure, and there was something in his eyes that Ralph didn't like, but he felt it had nothing to do with Sue. He seemed truly worried about her, maybe a bit more than worried. If he had to, Ralph would had bet that he was still in love with her.

Maybe he didn’t like him simply because he was a politician. Ralph had never liked politicians.

He turned to leave, but Wladon called him:

"Mr. Dibny?"

"Yes?" He turned again to him.

"Please find her and make sure she's safe".

"I will", he promised.

His suspicions were correct: Wladon still loved his ex-girlfriend and couldn’t cope with having lost her. Ralph couldn't blame him, though. He would have felt the same if he were in his place. Not that he would have the chance of knowing how it would be like, ever. He never was able to make work his relationships with regular girls, so a top-class one like Sue Dearbon would never even look at him.

That night, he looked again into the file of his case. He took a photo of his target and looked to it for a while. It was a pretty recent one, maybe from a couple of months before she went missing.

He had to admit she was quite attractive. No, she was gorgeous: her dark hair framed an angel face, and she had beautiful blue eyes and a cheerful, sweet smile. Her features were classy and somehow fragile, the kind that made you want to wrap her in your arms forever, to protect her. And something in her eyes was inviting and defying at the same time.

"A free spirit", Wladon had said.

The kind of girl who could drive any man crazy.

The kind of girl who could become any man's dream.

"She has a thing for detectives..."

He shook his head. What the heck was he thinking? Those thoughts were out of character for him. He was a professional, and she was his target. Nothing more.

He would have to be careful or would end up like the guy from that classic movie he watched ages ago... Laura, it was called. In that movie, a detective investigates the murder of a pretty, classy woman (not very different of Sue Dearbon), and he obsesses so much over her that he ends up falling in love with her memory...

(Later, it was revealed that she's alive, but that was not the point).

Sue Dearbon was not dead, he could feel it. She was alive somewhere, but she surely was in trouble, like Wladon said. Why else had she vanished with no trace, nor telling a thing to her worried parents.

She was alive somewhere, waiting to be found. Waiting to be rescued.

And he was the right person to do it.

"She likes detective stories"...

He searched for The Thin Man first movie and found it in one of those TV on demand channels. The main characters, played by Powell and Loy, were Nick and Nora Charles, a married couple who investigated mysteries together. The story was a little predictable and Ralph solved the crime much before the end of the movie, but he liked it. It was quite funny, and the Charles' relationship was couple goals.

But later, when he went to sleep, he had quite a weird dream. He was in The Thin Man universe, he was Nick Charles, and Sue Dearbon was Nora, his wife. And, just like the Charles, they lived an adventurous life, investigating mysteries together. And they were madly in love.

He woke up abruptly, sweating on his futon. Even more than usual.

"What the..." he muttered astonished. "Stop with this nonsense, Ralphie. Now", he ordered himself.

That dream was totally stupid, of course. But somehow it made appear a strange feeling of longing in Ralph's soul that didn't go away for a long time.

TRIVIA:

Bito Wladon, in DC comics, is the ruler of Modora and the villain Sonar. In The Elongated Man miniseries (1992) he's the main antagonist and in Justice League Europe issues #46 to #50 he even tries to steal Sue away from Ralph to make her his consort.

It is stated that Ralph and Sue Dibny characters are inspired in Nick and Nora Charles, from The Thin Man book (by Dashiell Hammett, 1934) and its subsequent film adaptations, starring William Powell and Myrna Loy.

[sanabakkoushisanangel]

Heeey. Sorry if I disturb you by something or anything but could you maybe list some good shows? (It's not a must that LGBT couples are included) thanks a lot ❤️❤️💫

Hi, Anon! 

You’re not disturbing!

So I’m the type of person that watches a pretty random variety of shows so I’m not sure what your taste leans toward exactly. 

If you have any suggestions, make a comment or drop me a message with the show and why you like it! And if you want, make a suggestion on how to make this list better!

** Is for shows other people suggest to me. I’ll comment if I’ve heard of it or seen any of it. 

*I’ll try to put if it’s LGBT friendly. And also I want to put down if it’s diverse or not and a note if you suggest a show is diverse…I’m looking for either the main character that is a POC or more than 1-2 minor characters that show up often enough to make a difference to the plot. Don’t tell me a show is diverse if it’s 3 black characters are just window-dressing…👀

***UPDATE*** (8/11/2019)*** SO I'm finally getting around to updating this list. As always let me know if y'all have any suggestions! This thing is getting insanely long! I might try to make it a link on my page (which is in serious need of renovation lol). Oh Lord, I still have so many shows I didn't add. I might have a problem...

Enjoy!!

Derry Girls: Man I hope you all get to see my recommendation for this show!!! It's truly a gem! I can't say it's diverse but it's also based off a small town in Northern Ireland so not really faulting them. Very LGBT friendly!! Spot the tiny rainbow pins our main 5 wear in the entirety of the second season!! It's like the cutest, most wholesome unspoken way of showing support! I literally watched the second season, went back to rewatch the first season and then rewatched the second season again. They're so loveable!

Four Weddings and a Funeral: I surprisingly haven't watched the 1994 film that was one of the best movies of the 90s apparently. But Mindi Kaling is producing its remake that's now a TV show on Hulu. Features a much more diverse cast (TWO main characts being Black, the main love interest being Muslim, actually portraying Muslim character seamlessly without making it campy or oversimplified!). There's a lack of LGBT characters (Tony 1 and Tony 2 don't really count since that feels slightly degrading to me...). I'm hoping they'll get better at that in future episodes!

Dark: A German TV show that's like a mystery time travel thriller. Not really diverse? It does feature a deaf supporting character and some minor supporting characters are LGBT but other than that...It IS a good story that's really interesting and gripping to watch.  

3%: A sci-fi post-apocalyptic story based in Brazil that's Hunger Games ish in that young people fight for their right to live in the ideal land of plenty. But because it's a show, you get to explore the ethical aspect of it a little more. I have a beef with how this show treats its PoC character to be honest. But it does have a lot of PoC characters and there's I think an LGBT plotline in a later season. But, I feel like the first season may have been its peak. Definitely still a good show and y'all might enjoy the later seasons more than me. 

Patriot Act: Not really a story obviously but I have to plug this show because for once I'm seeing a nonproblematic Indian Muslim man (side-eyeing Kumal and Aziz) that's actually doing great episodes highlighting a lot of important issues that we're totally not getting informed about that we should really be paying attention to more.  

Kim's Convenience: A Canadian sitcom based on a Korean family's convenience story. Really cute wholesome show with a great cast that really tries to be diverse and thoughtful and respectful of its PoC. I don't think they have an LGBT main character but it's friendly to it!

-Shadowhunters: I love this trash show. It’s actually not all that great but it’s got some absolute gems of characters you end up watching it for anyway. I def recommend but S1 was watched with a ton of skip Clary/Jace scenes for me. This is LGBT friendly and diverse.  

-Eastsiders: One of my Netflix finds. So super LGBTQ friendly because it revolves around a gay couple. The revolving door of characters includes many people at different spectrums of sexuality. It’s unapologetic and fun to watch. Our main couple is self-labeled slutty mcsluttersons but they’re committed to each other. The diversity of race is meh but it does have the Constance Wu from Fresh off the Boat in it and she’s lovely. 

-Riverdale: I tried man, I used to read Archie comics when I was younger but um, this show…I think it’s supposed to be ironically pretentious? It just falls flat for me tbh. It’s popular though so you can check a couple of episodes out to see if it’s your thing. There’s an openly gay character in this that should get more story than he does. Also, kind of LGBT baits too at times so not sure if I trust them completely. 

-Narcos: One of my recent shows. Very very intense show. Just really well done. It’s male-centric in that most of its main characters are male and its portrayal of women isn’t varied or flattering or significant in any way so that definitely sucks. But I don’t watch all my shows through that lens. For a show about Pablo Escobar and the drug wars it’s a really gripping watch. Beware of heavy subtitles because it’s set in Columbia. 

-The Expanse: My sci-fi pick. I love this show. It’s a gorgeous, diverse, rich story, funny without trying too hard. I just get sucked into every character. It had one older married gay couple that was really minor characters but I don’t recall any current mains that are. But It’s an inclusive show so I don’t think it’s particularly averse to the idea. Based on books I haven’t read yet! 

-Veep: This is like a completely meant-to-be-offensive comedy show with the amazing Julia Louis-Dreyfus. While I wasn’t in love with the last 2 seasons, the first 4 are amazing. No clear-cut character you root for in particular but it’s so close to politics you can’t help but laugh/cry. Watch it for the absolutely unapologetic legendary burns. Also, has a lesbian couple in it although it’s offensive comedy so prepare for that.

-Archer: Also another meant-to-be-offensive show that’s hilarious but so terrible and inappropriate. I don’t usually like that kind of comedy but I binge-watched this when I was sick and got hooked. 

-Vikings: I love this show. If you like Game of Thrones, you’ll like this one only it’s got less nudity and more idgaf fight scenes. It’s got brilliant characters, beautiful battle scenes, really interesting storylines, and just good snarky humor. Watch it! Also, they’re not shy about same-sex couples even if they don’t explicitly say it. 

-Mr. Robot: Really good show, very different and…I actually don’t know how to describe it? The main has mental health issues. It’s a sociopolitical commentary type show. It’s about hacking and network security and corporation conglomerates in control of our everything and the fight against it. Also from @cherryrebel : Mr robot has a shit ton of diversity in both race and LGBT, the lead is mixed race but the actor is Egyptian, Tyrell is bisexual, Gideon is gay, Angela, Elliot, and Darlene are implied being lgbt+, I think I’m forgetting about someone but watch that show, it’s the shit 

-Legion: A superhero show that’s so incredibly NOT like the other superhero shows. You'll find yourself in a serious mind trip thinking you’re the one that’s crazy. But it’s really really good. Go watch. 

-Mozart in the Jungle: About a bunch of musicians and a crazy conductor you absolutely love. It’s really good. LGBT friendly! And diverse-ish.

-Luther: One of the best crime shows in my opinion. Idris Elba just does things and you will want to watch him do it. Anything he does is beautiful and brilliant. But the show actually IS brilliant and amazing and go watch!! 

-This is Us: one of those, where-the-hell-did-you-come-from?? shows. Really heartfelt stories that make you laugh, cry, and go aww a million times. 

-Killjoys: Another sci-fi show I love. It’s got diversity and great characters and great action and story. It's a complicated plot though and if you skip episodes you're really going to struggle with the story. But if you don't care, it's still fun to watch ladies being brilliant and kicking ass. Also LGBT friendly and diverse!!

-True Detective: Crime detective show. It’s great, very gritty and serious but good stories and character-driven. I actually really enjoyed the third season despite my reservations of this show. Definitely needed subtitles! Also, I got major unspoken LGBT vibes from the characters (3rd season) here but I feel like they didn't go the distance with it. 

-Humans: Sci-fi show about android robots that are part of normal life- they look human and are basically live in maids. Only five of these have consciousness. Really good UK show. Diverse AND LGBT friendly!

-Broadchurch: Another good UK crime show. David Tennant and Olivia Colman are brilliant and bicker in the most endearing way! And Jodie Whitaker is so amazing! Slow and gripping and bingeworthy. @iamacolor mentioned a lesbian character in this one too. Wouldn't say it's LGBT friendly but there is diversity in the characters. 

-The Americans: Russian sleeper spies in America that lead normal lives, have American children, and are like totally Russians carrying out secret missions. It's fantastical and exaggerated and sometimes I side-eye it like really?? But it's a fun casual watch. Not really diverse or LGBT friendly even if there might be some peppering in there. 

-The Get Down: Great show that was recently canceled :( has about 1 season out. I’m not sure how to describe it and do proper justice. It’s lovely though with amazing characters. Also, LGBT friendly and clearly diverse!

-Stranger Things: Great show sci-fi mystery thriller type show. Diverse cast, wholesome even with a dark and violent plot. LGBT friendly but it's got a list of problems in my opinion. But still a fun watch.

-Dear White People: Black college students from all kinds of backgrounds dropping truth bombs all around and being amazing. Go watch. It's definitely a smart show with a lot of humor. It’s balanced with amazing depth to its characters. LGBT friendly! *so while it's definitely diverse in that the entire main cast except one is Black- I do find it weird that in an ivy league college there aren't many Asian students? Like it seems like they tried to fix that in the third season but it could definitely stand to do more in terms of its recurring supporting characters*

-Brooklyn Nine-Nine: an Amazing funny cop show that manages to be winsome, hilarious, endearing, quirky, diverse, balanced, and just amazing all around. Very LGBT friendly and diverse! It's a consistent show. 

-Fresh Off the Boat: An Asian family comedy show that’s endearing and hilarious. (Also check out Jane the Virgin for crazy telenovela-esque antics that are hilarious and cute). 

-Orphan Black: Sci-fi show about clones. A really amazing show, LGBT friendly. Great story AMAZING characters…most of which is played by one woman. Diverse and LGBT friendly.

-Preacher: Great show based on the graphic novel…uhh not sure how to describe it but it’s good. Reth Negga is in it!! 

Also adding Sense8 for its LGBT and diversity. Good show but I’ve heard something about the directors/producers being racist? Not sure so I’m recommending with caution because the show itself esp s2 where the nonwhite characters got a better fleshed out plot is good. But since I don’t know what the producers/directors have done, I’m giving a heads up for someone else to fill me in.

Poldark: I just started this one 2 days ago. 2 episodes in I’m really enjoying it. It’s from PBS’s Masterpiece series. Aiden Turner as a Cornishman is delicious. So far I adore his wife and immensely enjoying yet another period show.  

Grantchester: Adding this to the list after I discovered it on my prime account. I’m only one season in and I love Sydney Chambers and his gruff buddy cop Geordie? This isn’t a show that is going to have you sitting on the edge of your seat. It’s totally a procedural type of show. But it’s characters are likable, its story feels comfortable, and honestly, if it’s a shitty day for you and you just want something that’s easy? This is it. @iamacolor  :)

Entourage: So I binged 8 seasons and a movie in a week so let’s just say I fell into this gaping manhole…So it has one very prominently gay character on this show that gets a fair amount of screentime and a plot considering he’s a side character. He’s a fairly loveable character you really enjoy watching develop and grow. However, I should warn people that this show has really colorful language that is quite frankly really sexist and homophobic. For those of you that don’t know, it’s essentially a show about a popular actor from Queens that makes it big in Hollywood and brings along his 2 best friends and older brother to live with him and share in his wealth. If you can get past the language and inherent sexism, it’s actually a decent show about 4 guys with an extremely tight unbreakable, ride or die friendship. Lots of cameos by famous actors and directors, etc. I admit I might have a thing for Kevin Connolly and Adrian Grenier…

Jane the Virgin: Okay firstly, I LOVE this show. I wasn’t caught up because I had too much on my plate but like this show is so tongue in cheek and has great Latino rep! Including a character that speaks like 98% in Spanish so it’s great. AND they have LGBT rep so there you go. Enjoy and thank me later!

Superstore: Almost disappointed no one reminded me to recommend this show?? It’s basically centered around a store much like Walmart where you have a colorful cast of employees. It’s funny, it’s cute, it’s very socially aware. A disabled character (of color!), a gay character, and a smattering of all sorts. PLUS America Ferrera whom I adore!

The Good Place: Great show, great diversity, really funny. I binged it aaaallllll. Seriously go watch this show!! 

Cable Girls: Netflix Original from Spain. Do yourself a favor, watch it in Spanish with subtitles. The dubs feel so off. So the music choices for this show are the biggest con. Like it’s modern English songs in a show set in the 20s. Whoever chooses the music really doesn’t read the tone of the scene because it always throws me off. BUT, it’s a show about women gaining their independence through working as operators. You don’t have a diverse cast (so another con) but it’s LGBT friendly. There’s an exploration of sexuality minus the harmful abuse of it. It’s got its own set of flaws for sure but there’s a lot of potentials for it to be a good watch. 

Atypical: Autistic boy on the cusp of adulthood that’s navigating how to grow into it and live as normally as possible despite his limitations. Diverse characters, funny stories, and most importantly, endearing af. I think it handles the touchy topic wonderfully and allows people in this show to both be good people and also make mistakes both big and small. What I really enjoyed about this show is that it feels unafraid to let it’s characters just be. It doesn’t fall into tropes and it just has really well-written characters. Can’t wait for Season 3. Also, def don’t want to spoil but LGBT friendly.  

Lovesick: If nothing else, watch this show for Antonia Thomas. I’m lowkey in love with her so I will watch anything she’s in. But it’s one of those shows that might not be for everyone. It’s about three great friends where two have been in love with each other at different parts of their lives and keep missing each other’s feelings. It plays via flashbacks quite a bit so your story isn’t quite linear but it doesn’t make it difficult to watch. I personally loved it but I’m biased because well Antonia Thomas…

Santa Clara Diet: So I confess I dropped this show mid first episode when I first watched it. Its pilot was so strange and bonkers I was just so incredibly confused. I think the projectile vomiting just turned me off. But boredom is a great motivator and I came back to it later. And man, I am so so so glad I did. It’s just such a lovely show. I love every character to bits. LGBT friendly for sure. It’s so incredibly far-fetched so you just go with it and enjoy the ride. 

On my Block: Four friends transitionally into high school and navigating changing dynamics in their lifelong relationships while also dealing with real life, high school, gangs, and growing up. It’s a good watch. Really hoping for a second season. 

Sisters: Aussie show about a woman caring for her ailing elderly father who finds out he used his own sperm in his fertility clinic in order to help parents struggling. Now she has new half-siblings all over the country and gets to navigate dealing with that shitshow. This is a good show. Flawed people being selfish, good people getting the short end of the stick, people being real, things getting ugly. It gets interesting and awkward but it’s a good watch.    LGBT friendly.

Homecoming: Really gripping show about soldiers that return stateside wanting to return to society, join a program to help them do so, turns out things aren’t as they seem. Check it out on Amazon Prime. Diverse…umm one of the main supporting characters is black?

Bodyguard: Richard Madden from GoT plays a completely different role in this show about a bodyguard that finds himself part of a bigger conspiracy plot that forces him to face his own demons. Overall the story is good. Intense, gripping, intriguing in all the right places. But the ending has you rolling your eyes at how cliche they made it out to be. My biggest gripe being romanticizing characters that really don’t deserve it without highlighting their problematic behavior. It sweeps a lot of questions under the rug and concludes what would have been a highly conflicting plot with some really shoddy tropey shortcuts. Still it’s definitely a bingeworthy show. Diversity is for shit though all things considered. 

Recommendations by Other Blogs:

-**Shameless: Based on the UK show I believe. Has an openly gay character in a really complicated loveline that’s one of the major draws of this show. Very good show but definitely not for everyone. Expect LOTS of cursing, nudity, etc. But it’s hilarious, weirdly heartwarming, really fun to watch. Adding based on an anon suggestion- I haven’t watched the seasons in full but I love popping in to catch up. LGBT friendly and also somewhat diverse. 

-**Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: I have not watched this show myself but @blueberrysenpaii suggested this and said: Should add CEG. There’s a veeeery proud bi guy! So LGBT friendly! Someone tell me if it’s diverse?

-**Stitchers: Another show I haven’t watched but it’s been recommended a few times so it’s probably worth a watch. LGBT friendly! Someone tell me if it’s diverse? From Anon: There is a lesbian couple (Camanda) and they’re happy and healthy. It’s a great interesting storyline, it’s funny, super loveable characters, there’s some mystery and suspense in every episode, I love it so much, and it’s so underrated

**Black Sails: Have not watched this show either. LGBT friendly and diverse cast! But here’s @foolbrite ’s recommendation: black sails!! its an AMAZING  story plus there is such good lgbt rep in that show

**One Day At a Time: So I have watched a couple episodes of this. It’s so cute! Diverse and LGBT friendly! But here’s the recommendation from @jcarizma : One Day At a Time is really good. Has an LGBT main character and most of the characters are Hispanic as well and the show actually talks about topics that are importantes and it still manages to be hilarious. It’s on Netflix. and also @onyourleftbooob : one day at a time is INCREDIBLE and i loved how they dealt with their lgbt character

**Black Mirror: San Junipero: Again never watched this show but I have seen gifs of this episode?story arc? Diverse and LGBT friendly! Anywho another rec from @onyourleftbooob : black mirror’s san junipero is great  *Update: I did watch this myself so I can definitely say it was really nice!*

**How to Get Away With Murder: I actually was a little reluctant to recommend this show. Mainly because *spoiler* one of my favorite main characters got killed off in a way and point in the story where it was pure shock value and I’m forever upset. *end spoiler* I personally dropped the show at that point. However, it was great until that point and it does have an great LGBT rep and just as important a very diverse cast! Also recommended by @onyourleftbooob  

**The Bold Type: I have not yet seen this show personally but I have seen lots of mentions of it on my dash and it seems like it’s really good. Good diverse and LGBT friendly show! @im-the-trashqueen-of-my-fandoms recommends this: One of the 3 leads is black and discovers that she’s not really straight when she starts developing feelings for a lesbian Muslim photographer :)

So I think I got most of the ones I really enjoy. Not including like Breaking Bad and Game of Thrones because those are hugely popular. I hope you enjoy! If I think of more, I’ll add them here.  

[neuro-slicers]

NeuroSlicers: Issue 3

Entry

I'm in the shit, Simone.” Isaac said while pushing open the main entrance door to Tesseract HQ.

“Let’s see… whose fault 's that?” The voice of Simone came, as if just from behind him.

Isaac turned around, but there was no one there – Simone was using the brand new sub-cortical neural implant to communicate with him. He was far from used to it. Implants were common technology for the upper class, but the only connection that Isaac had with them was watching the overly grandeur visual feeds televised on every holoboard  laid across the city of Nexus.

"Let beauty be in the hand of the beholder, release the beauty from within with our latest synthetic skin tech, as soft and as delicate as the day you were born – stop the aging process" the adverts would say. Issac imagined that in the past, before the great Nano Plague that similar tactics were used to sell high fashion.  Brands selling an unattainable lifestyle wrapped up in a moving image that says "Buy", then you'd see the price "just 350,000 credits for your first 4 sessions" - that was more than most people in Nexus City would make in a lifetime. It was opulent and only helped to truly show the divide between the outlandish and often insecure wealthy and the impoverish, those that had little to their name in the city.                                                                              

“You, of all people, should know that the risk I took was necessary. I couldn’t bare living in the slums for another moment longer.” Isaac replied, while trying to look for any indication of how to navigate the winding pathways that made up the public areas of the building.

Issac had managed to secure himself an interview. An interview for the most powerful corporation in the whole of the City no less; someone or something was looking down on him. He had no idea how he'd managed to land himself this opportunity and he was far from qualified for it.

The truth is, this was his last hope of being able to repay a debt, a debt that he now regret taking on, but in an act of blind foolishness and a desire to find a way out of the slums he decided to borrow credits from a loan shark that happened to be a member of Bit.Crash. Issac had the idea that if he could just get himself a simple Slicer Deck and start getting some contracts he'd be able to make enough to get out of this hell hole. After all, most people of Nexus dreamed of becoming a Slicer, lured by the tales of these infamous hackers.

Things didn't work out exactly as planned...

“You're the one that decided to invest in being a Slicer of all things?” Simone retorted and Isaac could hear the smile in her words.

“Fuck You Simone” Issac said in retaliation.

“Are you serious?” Simone’s voice came from behind again. “ I'm here trying to help you, through no mistake of my own. Yet it seems like I'm babysitting a grown man, who can’t even take care of his own problems. I'm supposed to be at the height of my career, now look what you've got me doing!” She sighed. "I don’t want to argue, I'm here to help, but try to show a bit of gratitude".

"Fine, I'm sorry. Thank you Simone, I do appreciate what your doing for me." Issac said, in a soft tone. He had no desire to exacerbate the situation, and he was truly thankful he had a friend to help him through this.

After a moment, Isaac heard the "clickity click" as Simone typed on the other end of the feed. Her voice came back a few moments later “Here, this should help you out…”

A yellow line appeared a few inches above the ground, leading to one of the side corridors on the ground floor.

“Hell yeah! Augmented Reality, baby!” Simone exclaimed.

“How did you do that?!” Isaac asked in confusion.

“The chip in your brain can make you see things that aren’t really there – like these navigation lines, leading to the interview room for example. You just need to know what to touch.”

“Should I be as disturbed as I feel right now?”

“Oh yeah. Anyone with access to your chip can do some nasty things to you. It just so happens that in this situation, that anyone is me.” Simone sounded pleased with herself.

"Now just to release the access code onto the NeuroNet for all to see....."

"What! Don’t do that!" Isaac said in a panic.

"Just kidding, don’t worry, the connection is secure"

Isaac was already starting to regret giving Simone full access to his neural chip. Unfortunately, if she was to help him get this job, she needed as much freedom as possible.

The lines on the ground led him through the maze of corridors, decorated with almost nothing, but the occasional abstract painting and pretentious quotes one typically sees when walking the halls of big corporations, not that he'd done such a thing in the past. Such delights as “Connecting the world to the future” or “Dreams + Work = Success”, it was all rather Orwellian and sent a shudder down Isaacs spine.

Isaac finally arrived at a white door with no label, handle or indication of what was on the other side. Just as he was about to knock the door opened and a smartly dressed woman almost collided with him on her way out. The first thing Isaac noticed about her were the intricate lines under her skin on the left side of her face, partially covered by her red hair, its like a computer PCB had been used as a stencil for a overly complex tattoo, only this tattoo had the addition of glowing lines and little LED's attached.

“Wow, a Sentry.” Simone’s voice was filled with awe. “These are extremely experienced Slicers that have so much hardware embedded in them, that they can barely be considered human. Most Sentries try to hide what they are, but apparently not this one.” It was known by many that Tesseract had a habit of hiring and nurturing Slicers caught in the act of breaking into their beloved NeuroNet; often training them way beyond the abilities of normal street Slicers or those from the other Corps. They had the budget and the necessity to protect their systems more so than any other, but when you see what their Slicers become at the hand of Tesseract it didn’t seem much better than Xanctuary's cultist tech infused following.

“Do you plan to  get out of my way, or is staring at me part of your job description?” The Sentry said and Isaac realized that he was standing in the door frame. He moved aside, not wanting to cause any trouble – after all, first impressions count.

She took off through one of the corridors while shaking her head and murmuring something under her nose.

Isaac took a moment to regain his fleeing confidence and entered the interview room. It was noticeably messier than what he had seen so far from the rest of the building – there were shelves filled with what appeared to be junk hardware. On top of one of the shelves, a strange giant clock was stuck with it's hands showing 13:37. In one corner, multiple boxes were stacked in a heap.

“Oh, crap. Is that…” Simone’s voice.

Isaac looked back as the door slid closed behind him. His eyes focused on the smiling figure behind the only desk in the room and his confidence evaporated, quickly replaced by absolute horror followed by the boiling anger he was so used to for most of his life.

“Welcome Isaac, how’s my boy doing?” said Francis, the one person who Isaac didn’t want to see in that room – his step father.

"Oh, hell no." Isaac almost screamed while trying to keep his shaking body under control. "I'm not going to be part of your games. Not again." He barely managed to keep his voice level from all the emotions that were seething through him.

Turning around, Isaac reached for the door, but there was no handle, and the door didn’t open.

"Isaac, please think about this..." Simone's voice. "If you run away now, you'll be finished – this is your best bet to pay Bit.Crash back." She sounded concerned "I know the things that this man has done to you and your family, but there has to be a way set your differences aside."

"You can't even begin to comprehend the monster that Francis is, Simone." Isaac whispered to try and keep his connection a secret. "There is no future for me where that man is." He continued while resting his hand against the door, mainly to try keep his body under control.

Isaac knew that he couldn't spend much longer with Francis without his anger or fear getting the better of him. Just as he was about to start kicking at the door, the voice of Francis came from the other side of the room.

"Ah, you haven't changed a bit, Isaac – your mother would've been so disappointed..." He said while slowly getting up and walking around the desk "If she wasn't lying in a mass grave somewhere, of course." His voice was filled with glee. Seeing that Isaac had stopped moving, he continued... "I still remember her last words - 'I wish my son had turned out better.'" Francis said in a faux old ladies voice

"Liar!" Isaac shouted and before he knew it he was charging the still smiling Francis with the full intention of ending him right there and then. Unfortunately, Isaac knew even before he started that this act was as futile as were the countless ones he had tried in the past. The fight ended almost as soon as it began – Francis stepped out of the way of the charge almost casually and met Isaac with a knee to the chest, sending him straight to the floor, paralyzed.

"You know what the problem with scum like you and your mother is, Isaac? You can't seem to get it into your thick skulls that the class system exists for a reason – to keep filth like you away from anyone important. And do you know what happens to people who try to bypass the system, Isaac? I HAPPEN TO THEM!" Francis, shouted the last sentence in Isaac's face before delivering a kick in his midriff. Isaac managed to shift slightly and take it on the side, where it would do the least damage – he had learned a thing or two about fighting after many sessions just like this one. The pain still left him out of breath.

Francis grabbed Isaac by his shirt and put him upright so he could speak in his face. "And the thing is, Isaac, the only reason we allow you to pollute our city is to serve us. Our little dogs. Doing all the filthy work that suits their position. YOU... GOT... THAT?!" Francis punctuated each word with slamming Isaac in one of the shelves, rattling everything on them dangerously.

Francis took his hands off Isaac and started to walk to his desk. The beating was bad, but Isaac had taken much worse before. He wasn't done yet.

"Is that right?" Isaac said in a rasping, out-of-breath voice. "I think you've forgotten where you come from, old man." If Isaac knew anything about Francis, it was his absolute hatred toward the lower class and by extension – his family.

"Oh, now you'll have it." Came a whisper from Francis, who turned around and charged at Isaac, but Isaac was already braced for the impact. The two men collided and the shelves behind Isaac shook so violently that the giant clock on the top slid off.

It crashed into Francis's forehead, forcing him to the ground, unmoving.

"He's dead." Was the first thought in Isaac's mind while he tried to recover from the shock of what had just happened. A sudden voice almost made him jump:

"Isaac, are you ok?" Simone asked. "Can you hear me? Damn it, why isn't this thing working!?"

The adrenaline was quickly fleeing his body, but he had to check for himself. Turning the body over, Isaac felt for a pulse. It was there – the son of a bitch was still alive.

"I finally returned the favor. You're going to pay for all those years of torture you bastard." Isaac whispered and grabbed a broken piece of sharp metal, which had broken off the clock. He brought the piece high, aiming at the neck of his step father.

"Isaac! What are you doing?!" Simone screamed. "What's going on with you?! You're not a killer!".

Isaac tried to pay her no mind, but it was getting harder and harder to hold that piece of metal over Francis's throat with most of his adrenaline gone already.

"Please, Isaac, don't do this..." He could hear her voice beginning to tremble. "I thought... no... I still think that you're one of the decent people in this rotting city. Don't let him take that away from you too, damn it!"

Isaac heard a loud bang as Simone must have hit something in frustration of her helplessness.

The words rang too close to the truth however and the piece of metal dropped from Isaac's hand.

Francis had taken too much from him already – his childhood, his home, his family – not his morals though, at least not today.

"Ok..." Isaac's voice was horse and shaky from all the excitement "I'll let the bastard live. Though the injustice of it all sickens me."

"You've made the right decision Isaac..." She sighed with relief.

"I hope so." Issac responded.

"But now, we need to deal with this mess."

Isaac was trying to asses the situation, "Yeah, this looks quite bad, doesn't it?"

"What? The unconscious body of a Tesseract employee with you as the only witness? Maybe they'll think you convinced him to take an impromptu nap." Simone's tone was beginning to get back to normal, which reassured him.

"They won't stop until they get me – one way or another."

"Bet on it."

"I guess it's time for plan B then." Isaac said and started going through Francis's pockets.

"Why am I only now hearing that there is such a plan?"

"Didn't want to bore you with the details... Aha, here we go." And he took out a shining translucent card with a black strip going across it from one of the pockets "Behold our key to success."

"And you're planning to do what exactly?" Simone questioned "I may be smart, but far from mad enough to understand you."

"Well, Bit.Crash want their credits back right?"

"And..."

"What is even more important to Bit.Crash than credits?" Isaac had a grin on his face now.

"Son of a bitch..." She said as it dawned on her "You're going to try and steal private data from the inside. And I'm guessing you'll want my help?"

"Well, you're here already."

"Why am I not surprised?"

Isaac put the card in his pocket and said "We need to neutralize Francis, we don't want him waking up in 5 minutes and sounding the alarm."

"I know what we'll do. Go and look into his eyes." Simone said with excitement.

"What?!"

"Trust me now. Go, open his eyes and stare deeply."

He did as he was told with a reasonable amount of skepticism. At first Isaac saw nothing in Francis's eyes, but then he felt his own eyes starting to warm up. The sensation was not pleasant.

"Closer, get closer to him!" Simone almost shouted, while typing furiously on her keyboard.

Isaac got even closer and the sensation of heat in his eyes intensified.

"Simone, I am not sure that this is a good idea."

"Just give me 5 more seconds.."

The next few seconds were the worst, with his body screaming that something was definitely wrong with his eyes. Suddenly, Francis's body lurched up and came back down again. With that, Isaac's eyes returned to normal.

"What the hell was that, Simone?" Isaac was more than a little bit disturbed and confused with what just happened.

"It's called CUP - Close up Paralysis. It's an old Xanctuary technique I'd been dying to try out." Simone's voice was filled with excitement. "When you show your brain a certain sequence of moving patterns, they make it freezes up completely." She lectured "We've known this for a while of course, but the brilliance of Xanctuary is that their implants allow them to change their own eyes to recreate those patterns."

"So, Francis, even though unconscious was able to see these patterns imprinted on my own eyes?!" Isaac was starting to get a little but sick.

"Brilliant, isn't it?" Simone asked.

"Sounds pretty useless to me."

"Aha, and that's the thing – no one expects it. This is the main trick Xanctuary adepts use to impress and gather followers. They show you the shifting image of their eyes, letting you think that it's part of the Keeper himself in there and then they let you 'experience' his power by completely paralyzing you body."

"As creepy as that is, Xanctuary is the least of my worries right now. I need to get out of here."

"Ah yes, where do you want to go? The ground floor won't hold any valuable data."

"Up we go then, find me the closest elevator."

"Roger."  Simone's voice was accompanied with a few dozen clicks and the yellow lines on the floor returned. Isaac closed the door behind him on the interview room and followed the lines, trying to look as unsuspicious as possible. There was an open elevator at the end of the corridor and thankfully he was the only one there. Scanning Francis's security card over the console, he mashed the highest floor his security clearance allowed.

"Here we go..." Isaac said, as the doors closed and the machine began the long ascend.

End of part 1.