#sorry about the infodump but this is a character i feel really normal about

[oops-all-teeth]

Hey! I am, very curious to your headcannons and story for Adaru. I was wondering, if I could ask, to hear some of them, please? ‐ @classicdeadfan

hey there!

of course! i'd love to tell you about my interpretation of adaru! i'll preface this by saying that he's a character i've been fairly attached to for a hot minute, but part of writing a character for that long does mean that my version isn't maybe. strictly canon compliant. considering the lack of canon in the first place that's probably a reasonable assumption to make, but that's just a forewarning fghfg.

if there's any specific questions you want to ask, please feel free to shoot them my way! love thinking about this guy

i'm putting this under a read more, because this'll probably get pretty long.

so, if you want a good primer of my headcanons and story for adaru, i'd recommend reading the two fics i wrote ages ago on them. while i think my writing has improved since then, they're still a pretty solid summary of the earliest parts of his backstory: root of all evil and all that's golden and green. here's the cliffnotes version:

adaru was once a mortal priest in ancient sumer, and an advisor to a royal court. taken by a mix of frustration and envy, he attempts to murder the king to take his place. this goes badly.

beaten within an inch of his life and exiled, he drags himself away from the city walls and eventually finds a moment of respite in a cave, where a spirit of fate appears to him and gives him a choice: repent here and die honourably, or seek the throne of a god.

he chooses the second one. after a bit of wandering, he finds a temple of a sleeping god whose name at that point had been long forgotten, murders them in their sleep and pretty much bathes and drinks in their blood, leading to a very unpleasant ascension.

when he wakes up again, the other gods have already found him. riding high on the rush of ascending to godliness, he crowns himself as fear.

he is promptly dragged into the forest of the gods, forcefully bound to a cedar tree. after some time, he cuts himself free and staggers away.

there's a fair amount of aimless wandering as he slowly adjusts to feeding on people's fears, and on the way he accrues a gaggle of worshippers which eventually become the heralds. at this point, he is still overly fierce, proud but also very attached to his newfound flock, which he lends his power to, leaving a path of destruction where-ever they go.

unfortunately, because he's New To This, he doesn't realise the impact his power will have on them, and as time progresses they gradually wither and transform into monstrous husks of their former selves. when they lose themselves in his arm, adaru is beset by grief, at his lowest possible point.

or it would be his lowest possible point, if the other gods had not found him and punished him for the chaos he's caused, tearing the still-new wings from his back and binding him in an early version of the lantern, and abandoning him to his fate.

now grieving both the loss of his heralds and a part of himself that'll never grow back, he resolves to become something truly worthy of being called a god of fear, and sets up a few milllennia of horrors to come

these are all the earliest parts of adaru's tenure as a god, but they kind of inform the sort of god he later becomes.

on a pure like, metaphysical level, he's kind of a weak god. his body isn't that ethereal, he's very much a thing of flesh and blood (as immortal as he might be), and he's fundamentally tied to humanity. he feeds on their fear, so if humanity dies out, he'll die out with them. (this becomes a bit of a preoccupation for him.) he's still got a lot of power and knows his craft extremely well, but he's nowhere near as powerful as, say, something like lady luck, who Literally commands people's fates.

instead, he becomes known for his ruthlessness, his willingness to get his hands bloody, and a mix of being very collected and very tenacious. it is very hard to keep this guy down, and he's proud of that. also as a result of being bound to the lantern, he's way more patient than you'd expect him to be. he's not the sort to lash out or act rashly in anger; rather, he pushes down that rage, bides his time and waits for the right moment. he knows his reputation, and he knows how to cultivate it and use it to his advantage.

unfortunately, he's also still kind of a mess. due to his experiences of being widely reviled as a villain (which is, admittedly, something he's willingly cultivated), he does internalise those feelings. there's a lot of spite and grief inside this guy that he doesn't want to address, but he does tend to expect to be blamed when things go wrong, and to some extent figure he probably has deserved it. and also immortality makes it extremely easy to neglect oneself. he despises weakness in himself. and, you know. he's not exactly good at things that involve being reassuring or comforting. god of fear, and all that.

i think the way i write him, the core of his character is like. someone who is walking an uneasy line between monster, god and human, and while he's trying to be the terrifying god-monster way more, there's a humanity in there that he doesn't want to acknowledge.

um. headcanon lightning round:

he's a transgender man. this one may seem minor but i don't know i like projecting and i have a lot of feelings about how it influences his Whole Deal. also we need more big scary monster men who are transgender. special treat for me

can quite literally taste fear, and knows what different fears taste like. i'll need to write more about this but i have ideas. there are some fears he can't stand the taste of. the taste of the fear of love, for example, is far too sickly sweet for his tastes. (this does include his own. it tastes like bile.)

complicated relationship with the lantern. while it was once solely a prison, it has become a form of sanctuary to him now, and he's kind of attached to it. sometimes you need somewhere quiet.

his former wings were mothlike. he wears those false-wings as a prosthetic.

he has a lot more scars than you'd think; some he's proud of, others not so much. the scars where his wings were are a Particularly sore spot (figuratively and literally)

he can do some freaky shapeshifting nonsense. occasionally seen with more limbs, more mouths, more teeth. less often seen in human guises. it makes him uncomfortable.

generally doesn't like possession. it's trying to fit himself into a vessel that is too small, you know? also tends to have bad side effects for everyone involved

probably respects lady luck and mary the most out of everyone here. (i'm still weirded out by the implication they're heralds. doesn't feel right. usually i ignore this)

his scars should've been cuneiform. like come on it feels obvious

manifestations of his presence involve an overwhelming sense of dread and a sudden infestation of moths

occasionally wears blindfolds. usually when he's actually dressing up for more formal affairs.

looks surprisingly cool in armour

[favcharacterpoll]

ROUND 6 MATCH 3: CECIL VS. C!WILBUR

Cecil Palmer from Welcome to Night Vale faces c!Wilbur from the dsmp. @10piecechickenmcnugget get over here sage

Cecil Propaganda:

"Cecil is not only the Tumblr sexyman, he is the first gay protagonist of a podcast that most of us have ever heard. From the very first episode he was unashamedly queer and no one has ever called him out or given him shit for being gay. He is a gay Jewish fashion disaster who is the mouthpiece for an incredibly bizarre town and plays the whole “this horrifying thing is completely normal”thing so well. If Cecil wasn’t there, I think a lot of people wouldn’t have felt so accepted for just being who they were. Cecil is an inspiration and the queer podcast rep we all deserved as we were growing."

"he’s gay. he’s a dilf. he’s ageless. he has been since there’s was nothing and he’s still here after the world ended. he can summon music. his mother is a oracle his father is a tree. his cat is a man who got cursed and also has wings a stinger and poison??? he thinks a tutu and crocs is formal wear and has talked to god and she said ‘I love you. I’m sorry’. he’s definitely guilty of manslaughter from negligence"

"this is the website Night Vale built!"

c!Wilbur Propaganda:

"Accurate depiction of mental health and spiral, handled delicately and deliberately, every piece of his story was thought and planned and in the end he went home to Utah. Thank you lord."

"Please don’t let the name dream smp effect how you feel about this submission, this character is completely unrelated to dream and I’m pretty sure the person who played him has nothing to do with dream anymore. This man single handedly got me through a horrible patch filled with extreme paranoia by also being extremely paranoid. Genuinely really helped me feel seen and I coped a lot by getting invested in this character. I almost cried when he died :("

"He’s so fucking stupid. I could infodump for hours this man transed my gender. Everything has gone wrong in his life. He’s the definition of a bisexual disaster."

"I didn’t fail 10th grade math bc I was thinking about c!wilbur for him to lose round one"

"I mean look at him!! his Minecraft skin is adorable!!!"

"if you people vote for cwilbur i'll draw him in a bikini."

"A VOTE FOR C!WILBUR IS A VOTE FOR GIRLBOYS EVERYWHERE"

"i should not have underestimated minecraft fans they came together"

"Season 1 changed me. I didn’t know minecraft videos could have good acting, dramatic plots, etc. Wilbur was one of the best there. His plot was so interesting with the L’Manburg and the unfinished symphony arcs. He was funny, dramatic, sad… I fondly remember my dsmp days (though I only saw up to like part of Tommy’s exile)"

[wyrmswears]

Hiii!

I know the au ain’t about Jay, but does he have an animal form? How did Edd & Eddna found him or he does not exist?

I do apologize for the amount of questions not being libber related😞

Pd. I also love wolf children i imagine Libby just recreating the feral Yuki scene right?

Hellooooo!! Had to think about this for a bit; I really didn't give Jay too much mind when making this AU lol. Nonetheless, I really enjoyed getting to flesh out this AU further using your questions so thank you so much for asking! :D I made the AU for Libber and Ice but it's always fun to expand on other characters and how the changes the AU makes affects them.

This post turned out longer than I expected (oops. I love infodumping about my AUs, sorry lol) so the answers in their entirety are under the cut! Spoilers for Prime Empire and Dragons Rising (though nothing particularly about s2) are mentioned though.

The short answers are: Jay is still adopted, Libber left him at the Walkers' doorstep before dying. And yes, Jay has a wolf form like Libber does, but he can't access it until after the Merge.

The long answers:

The second question is easy - the comic on my other post initially had a third page that would've answered this but I found it difficult to get to flow well so I scrapped it. When the Walkers arrive home after coming across Libber, they find Jay on their doorstep. The idea is that she had left him at a safe place as a final act before succumbing to whatever killed her. (Much like in Wolf Children, I don't have a particular cause of death thought out.) Ed and Edna don't make the connection between the child on their doorstep and the wolf on the highway of course, because why would they?

As for whether Jay has an animal form... On one hand I find it very amusing when characters of non-human heritage turn out to be just normal humans, and Cliff Gordon is still completely human in this AU, but I also think it'd be boring to ignore his heritage completely for the sake of the bit. After mulling it over I've come up with this:

Jay grows up showing quirks that align with him being half raijū, but nothing that can't be explained by him being the elemental master of lightning or just a peculiar (and probably neurodivergent) child; these are things like a fascination of thunderstorms, abnormal resistance towards electrical shocks, hyperactivity, a tendency to chew on things...

He has no idea that his biological mother wasn't human until after the events of Prime Empire when Wu, now aware that Jay knows he's adopted as he used it to reason with Unagami, requests to speak to Jay privately. He explains that, if Jay has an animal form then he shouldn't feel like he has to hide it from the team as he is sure that they'd accept him, much like Libber's teammates accepted her. This is sweet and all, but Jay is very confused what he means about having an animal form. And thus begins the explanation of who or what exactly Libber was.

After learning that he isn't completely human, Jay isn't really upset - hell, Zane and Lloyd have both dealt with the same thing and it turned out fine - but he only talks about it with Nya. This is part of my general characterisation of Jay where I feel like he doesn't keep too many deliberate secrets, but does only mention certain things about himself on a need-to-know basis meaning that, while he doesn't care if the team knows he's adopted, only Nya, Zane, and Pixal know that he is (Zane and Pixal for being present at the end of Prime Empire). Nya 'needs to know' because she is his yang thank you very much. Nya helps him to research about raijū and they find out that they can come in a variety of forms. Jay thinks he'd look like a noble and mighty creature, maybe a lion or an eagle. Nya thinks he'd be a chihuahua.

Nonetheless, that seems to be the extent of it; Jay doesn't figure out if he has an animal form or how to use it, and all that's changed is that Nya has become a lot more aware of her yin's oddities. That is, until Dragons Rising.

I think after the Merge, Jay has no issues with accessing his animal form: much like his mother, he's a wolf-like canid. If you told him, he'd probably never believe that he had spent the first 20-or-so years of his life with no clue to his heritage and no abilities related to it when his natural state of self after getting amnesia is to flux between forms. Maybe it developed as one of the strange effects of the Merge, or maybe its a new ability as a result of his environment, much akin to Cole's rock golem. Nonetheless, it serves as a message to Nya that this isn't the same Jay she knew before the Merge. He flaunts his heritage to the team that he never told and has changed, both physically and as a person, without her there to see.

As for the P.S, I'm not entirely sure what scene you are talking about - there's quite a few where I imagine Yuki could be described as feral lol - but Libber is overall quite alike to Yuki in my mind, particularly when she is younger and less concerned with hiding her wolf side.

[baalzebufo]

HIII. can i just say. absolutely ADORE your gravity falls stuff!! i'd love to hear more of your headcanons (especially abt gideon) (that's my SON)

yes yeeees i was part of the Original Wave of Gideon Enjoyers back when like, episode 4 aired and it was about ten blogs who didnt hate his guts. i mean, i still want to throw him out a window, but I also think he has really interesting character stuff going on that some people just didnt wanna look at bc they hated him! which like, fair, he's a villain, but that freaky little dude will always be one of MY faves, haha

this post got. very long im sorry I had to put a readmore here haha but I haven't had an excuse to infodump about this for ages so here's a couple Things I like Thinking About... also a doodle I did the other night to break up the wall of text below

ok ok to start i LOVE him so much as a foil to dipper (and to an extent ford too) as examples of what the journals/that kind of power and information can do to people. its why im so adamant that he does actually have albinism, even if its not Technically Canon. dipper and ford both have a like, 'physical oddity' about them (birthmark, sixth finger) i think it makes sense for gideons to be his albinism as something that set him apart. all three are 'weirdos', were ostracised to an extent by the world, had that longing for something special or important, and then found it. and its what they DO with that which sets them apart

especially as a foil to dipper like... from time to time in the show, he gets a bit gung-ho about abusing the journals power for his own gain. but he has friends and family to reign him back in. he has more of a moral compass about not wanting to hurt people, generally. dipper never became like gideon did

this is getting into headcanon territory here but, my general summary of gideons childhood is an isolated one. only child, fairly sheltered, had some medical complications early in life which led to a lot of time on his own in hospital, attended school briefly and was subjected to significant bullying. and without a real support network outside of his parents who were very doting to the point of spoiling him because hes their Little Miracle he wasnt exactly well-adjusted even as a kid

but basically, that kid ends up finding this journal and learns about spells and evil artifacts and suddenly he has the power to make people like him. not only that but Fear him. he goes from feeling powerless to an absolute ego-trip. and his only close relatives would never tell their little boy 'no' about something, so they're not disciplining him in any way. its a perfect storm for a disaster to happen

it stems from this childish desire to go 'look at me im important and special and everyone likes me' and hes become so embittered already by people being dicks that he doesnt care if he hurts people on the way

that only really changes when mabel shows up and is the first person in town to approach him from a like... normal level. shes nice to him but not in the overly-saccharine and doting way his fans are, just in the way a girl who wants to be friends is. she treats him normally and is nice and he thinks she's pretty and that ALSO becomes a perfect storm of 'well shes nice to me and i like her so i must be in love with her and she is with me!' and, of course. kid who has never heard the word No before. so the later rejection becomes a HUGE sticking point and grudge to the point of being flat-out murderous

later in life with a little Introspection i think he'd realize it was less love and more just. basically imprinting on the first person to be normal and kind at him in years

UM. I should wrap this up i have so much in my brain. gideon was one of my earliest roleplay muses i'd write and draw with my pals, so I subjected him to a LOT of personal characterization stuff and also making a thousand AUs for fun. (aus always come in two flavours either its 'im going to make you marginally more well-adjusted' or 'im going to make you so, SO much worse')

ive got a soft spot for con-men and fake psychics and generally shitty little weasels and gideon just stormed into the show being a jerk with an aesthetic i adore and i was like ahhh. i want to punt him. hes my favourite.

ok im going to shut up now. last minute headcanon. gideon got into wood carving in prison art therapy because using a knife to stab something in a non-murder way helps soothe his urges. he whittles little people figurines

✨

[anonzentimes]

You're one of my favorite people on here, I love komaeda so much, oh my god

infodump about whatever you want about komaeda NOW!! (if you want, you dont actually have to)

RAGGG!!!!! you're so so sweet oh my gosh ❤️❤️ Sure i'll talk about komaeda! I'll just say what I've been thinking about specifically today.

I was thinking about the fact that Nagito can suppress sides of him today, when he needs to he's able to suppress some of his personality for people. I think the reason Nagito is "normal," before his freakout is not only for the plot twist but because he's trying to make a good impression for Hajime. And once he's even more interested in Hajime he wants his attention, He's always by his side at any chance he gets. I think Hajime just generally stood out to him because he felt a connection with him on a spiritual level and acted upon his curiosity. Why would he be the only one to stay behind and wake up Hajime otherwise? I think he had the gut instinct I do when I feel as if I need to talk to somebody who interests me.

His "facade," is sort of like how when you meet new people and you're not entirely showing your true self fully yet, I think he does that. He's able to suppress parts of himself for other people.

Nagito is always wanting Hajime's attention, he respects his personal space and beliefs but mostly wants to be around him. He's also VERY observant, even when he doesn't understand social cues sometimes his ability to observe others is a big factor about him. He observes Hajime a lot.

Which is honestly weird, isn't he afraid of getting close to people? He usually avoids his classmates, he thinks he isn't deserving of reciprocation, and yet he stayed by Hajime's side. He made an effort to talk normally enough that Hajime would like him. He even went swimming without any complaints, probably because he still doesn't want to lose his attention.

He continues this behavior throughout the game, even in Chapter 4 he uses the fact he has information to get Hajime's attention.

He doesn't think he's worth the ultimates time, and yet, he's always drawn to Hajime. He's always after Hajime's approval, it's so oddly fascinating to me. It's not an obsession thing, but he just really loves him for some reason. It feels more like an irrational emotion, it's not warped love, it's not about status, and It proceeds on even when he knows he's a despair.

I wonder if maybe, just maybe, if Nagito saw his suicide plan as freeing Hajime from Despair. Maybe that's how he justifies it with his emotions. And in an odd sense a horrible proclamation of love.

Sorry this kind of turned into Komahina more than anything lmao, but mostly I'm just thinking about how weird it is that he likes him, like why? What is it about him that Nagito is so infatuated with him? It goes against what he usually does, was he just really that special that he becomes irrational to his typical behaviors?

And in the free time events he's even more infatuated because he believes Hajime is amazing for tolerating him. He pushes him away so he doesn't get harmed by his luck cycle, but also to hopefully to get Hajime kill him. He wants him to escape, he wants him to create hope. Because he believes someone as great as Hajime can create amazing hope. And then his love confession???? AUGH his love confession like, it's so complicated. Did he bail out because he didn't want him to get hurt by his luck cycle? Did he bail out because he doesn't think he's worthy? LIKE??? He's so crazy.

Nagito's so interesting, his irrational infatuation with Hajime next to his warped beliefs, luck cycle, warped love, and intense obsession with hope to the point that he becomes morally grey over it makes him such a wonderful and entertaining character.

[crabonfire]

could you do mercs reacting to their s/o infodumping about their hyperfixations? :]

I was working on another request when I saw this pop in and oh my gosh. Yes.

Mercs reacting to s/o who infodumps about their hyperfixations!!!

I also have a touch of the tism :)

characters: all mercs

warnings: none

note: ps as a ref I decided the s/o would have a hyperfixation on crabs because...I love crab

♡Scout♡

• aw

• honestly thinks it adorable...and tbh? I feel like Scout also has hyperfixations. He doesn't really realise it or even know what it is but he loves to nerd about things he's real into.

• he finds it cute your so passionate about this stuff!! Like yeah babe go off!! Talk to him about your silly little hyperfixations!!

• if you ever apologise for talking about it he will shut you up, telling you to continue about your ramble!!

"Ah...I'm talking too much-sorry you probably don't wanna hear about certain crab species."

"No no! It's interestin babe, go on. I wanna hear about Christmas crabs and what they do at Christmas Island."

"...oh....okay!"

I use crabs because that's what I'm fixated on...I love crabs...:)

♡Pyro♡

• please don't ever stop talking

• finds it absolutely charming how into it you are, like the way you sometimes get outta breath from pacing around your room and talking 24/7 about it makes him happy to see you so happy

• like omg!!! ur so cute!!!

• even if your hyperfixation is about murder, or something simple like bugs, he still loves to hear you talk about it.

• if you ever apologise for talking about it, he will assure you it's okay and encourage you to talk more about it. He loves jt.

♡Soldier♡

• finds it interesting!

• if you ever just spit out fun facts or explain stuff about your hyperfixations, he will shut the fuck up and listen, even asking questions about it.

• "Crabs are actually a quite aggressive species! Even the friendly type of crabs have their own limit to how friendly they can be. Did you also know that crabs are escape artists?"

"WOAH! I DID NOT KNOW THAT! CRABS ARE ESCAPE ARTISTS?!"

"Yeah! That's why, any type of crab you have, make sure the tanks sealed properly. Even the tiniest nook they will somehow escape."

"I SEE! CRABS ARE QUITE INTERESTING."

"Yeah!!"

• if you ever apologise for it he will get mad. like why r u sorry he loves hearing u talk...especially about something your passionate about. Keep talking, he loves it.

♡Demoman♡

• he will have a hand on his cheek, his eye half lidded with a dumb goofy smile on his face the entire time he listens to you ramble on.

• he loves it when you get so happy over your little silly hyperfixations.

• when u stim over new stuff for your hyperfixation he finds it adorable

(Ps baby girl don't be embarrassed abt ur stimming!! I've seen ppl say that they r and my little tootsie roll pancake it's normal and it's adorable!!)

• if u apologise he will be dramatic,

" gasp WHAT ARE YE SAYIN? do ye really think that I could ever hate yer knowledgable rambling?!"

But he will insist that it's okay, and that he finds it cute.

♡Heavy♡

• it is very cute. please continue.

• "I love pom pom crabs...they are so cute. They are also known as boxer crabs or cheerleader crabs, that is due to the sea anemones they hold in their claws. Why do they do that you ask? Their claws are too small to catch food, so they instead ramble ramble crab nerd stuff "

"Mhm :)"

He will actually get into what your into, he wants to know how he can fuel your hyperfixations since they make you so happy. Like bugs? He got you your favorite! Want to know more about certain crime cases? Yo he found...a clue from the crime scene? How...what? Huh?

• he's super supportive, so don't even think about apologising. because he actually loves when you talk about whatever your into.

♡Engie♡

• he will listen to you in his workshop while he works, it's like an audio book.

• he loves when you get so happy and talkative when you infodump, he wants to kiss your dumb face whenever you just ramble on about it all.

• just like Heavy, tries to fuel it. Like,,,yas babe!! Get into your little hyperfixations WOOO

• he'd definitely ask a lot of questions to get you going, he loves the expression on your face from the happiness you get from answering them.

• "The longest living crabs I've seen from multiple crab owners I've done research on is...they mostly live only until 8 years depending on the species....that's so sad...not even a decade :("

"I want to kiss you so bad."

"what? engie what did you say?"

"Nothing, uh, that's terrible...I'm sorry honey."

• DONF EVEN APPLOGIZZE BRO THIS MAN MAKES U FEEL OSO COMFORTABLE U DONT GOTTA APOLGOIZE

♡Medic♡

• he definitely has a touch of the tism too,, bro is hyperfixated on his work lol

• definitely infodumps about his to you too, and he loves to hear about yours.

• he will do intense research about your hyperfixation to impress you and relate to you, it's quite nice.

• cute ass mf

• likes to write down notes about specific things you've said to him about your interests, likes to read them when he's sad and smiles when he remembers the fire in your eyes when you talk about it.

♡Sniper♡

• he desperately wants to kiss you because of this

• he thinks it's charming that your so into all this...whatever it is, he will listen.

• also takes time to get into it!!!!

• loves it when you absolutely infodump outta nowhere, especially when yall are doing something else,,,its so cute :)))!!!

• " ramble ramble ramble "

"God, your so damn cute."

"...huh?"

"HUH? WHAT? Continue."

It just slips sometimes, he can't help it your just so so cute.

• apologise and he will give you a quick forehead kiss, telling you that he loves you a lot, especially when your being a little nerd about what you like.

♡Spy♡

• he will never ever ever admit it but he finds it charming.

• he won't really talk much about it, pretending like he doesn't care, but if you ever apologise for talking he will automatically shut you up, talking about how interesting it is and telling you that as long as your happy so is he.

• buys you stuff that's related to your hyperfixation, out of nowhere too, it's always so sweet when he does it.

• it's like his white noise, infodump all day baby!!!

• he likes the way you smile more when you talk about your hyperfixations, even if he won't understand some, he will still try to, and definitely loves you just a little more for it.

There u go!!! Sorry its 11 and I'm on the verge of falling asleep,,,so there might be some errors...I hope u enjoyed tho :)

[camlannpod]

hi I’m the person who asked about character creation advice in the listen along stream. My internet went funny so sorry I couldn’t specify on stream!

I meant characters in general! I really want to get into writing stories (books, podcasts, film, I haven’t really decided yet) but I’m struggling a bit with fleshing out my characters and I often feel like they’re all kind of the same person.

I really love the characters in Camlann so advice would be great!

Hi hello! Thank you so much for joining us for the stream, I'm sorry for your internet difficulties!!

Hm, this is an interesting and tricky question which I want to preface with a quick disclaimer:

Everyone writes differently. There's no one correct way to write, and whilst there are tool sthat you can use for writing - just like there are tools in visual art and music, learning which tools you want to use and how you want to use them is, I think, a big part of learning how to write well and in a way that's enjoyable for you.

This said! People often make jokes / comments about 'plotters vs pantsers' or 'architects vs gardeners'. A lot of writers fall into one of two categories - meticulously plotting detail before writing, or just kind of going with the flow. I personally am very much in the latter category, so I'm afraid I don't have a lot of specific tools or exercises I can give you.

This said, I'm going to do my best. Ursula K Le Guin is, in my opinion, one of the best writers of the 20th century, and she writes a lot of wonderful essays about the imagination and writing which I find really inspiring. I'm paraphrasing because I can't find the quote, but she once said something along the lines of: "If I can't close my eyes and have a conversation with a character, then I'm not ready to write their story yet."

That's a lot how I feel about writing characters. Some of it is conscious. I identify traits - flaws, strengths, quirks - in myself and others, and I give them to my characters. Dai is hyperactive and excitable because I'm hyperactive and excitable. Perry infodumps because I infodump. Morgan is stressed and protective because I am both of those things. But they also all have elements I don't have - Morgan is a lot more understated and pragmatic than I am. Dai is much more confident and reckless. Perry is significantly more organised and self-disciplined.

As a rule, I personally find it best to avoid ever trying to write 1 for 1 either yourself or a friend into a character. That way lies hurt feelings and honestly an inability to see them clearly, because it's very hard to see yourself objectively. Instead, I think of it like putting puzzle pieces together, or a patchwork quilt, or planting seeds. People often say good writers are good eavesdroppers. Phrases that people say on the tram stick with me. Strangers in shops. People dancing. Expressions and ways of speaking that filter through to characters I write.

Once I've identified a small handful of key pieces, I leave them to grow in my subconscious. This normally takes a few months. It's like...moulding a piece of wet clay for a few hours - ok, I don't want them to be X, I do need them to do Y - and once you've got roughly what you want in the right places, putting it in the kiln that is your mind and letting it cook. I just...think about my characters a lot - daydream about them, imagine them in different situations etc. Once I feel they've had enough time to settle, I start writing.

I honestly find one of the best ways to get to know a character is just writing them. For me that always feels like a conversation. And not just writing - editing and rewriting and rewriting - learning what they would or wouldn't say, thinking about how they'd react in different situations etc. There are...minimum 7 drafts of the Camlann scripts? I got to know the gang better just because I spent a lot of time with them.

Finally, for audio specifically, always always read your scripts aloud! If you can, rope in a friend or two. The way people speak out loud and the way they speak in our heads when we're reading is very different. Something that's incredibly moving in prose can feel awkward and stilted in audio. So read it out loud - start getting a sense of your character's vernacular. Do they say 'don't' or 'do not'? Do they swear? Do they use slang? Are they flirty, shy? I always find that my characters start coming to life when I can hear their voices. If I can hear them speaking to me, they're ready to be written.

This is all a little wibbly wobbly, and very personal to me, but I hope it at least helps you think about how you want to write. Good luck, and have fun!

[woodchipp]

Hii, to be honest I don't really care that much about criticizing the game, I think people can have whatever interpretation they want, personally I adore the game because I played it during a tough time in my life!

The only thing I wanna point out is that in your most recent post about Sunny recieving the violin, a lot of your points feel kinda off to me? I'd just like to mention that it makes sense that his friends had to tell him about their jobs rather than flashbacks because that'd mean a double flashback, show don't tell is great and all but it doesn't mean only show and no tell! I do think the game can be heavy handed but that scene feels justified and natural as it was a surprise for Sunny and they're telling him about it.

The other thing I'd like to mention is that I feel like picking apart Sunny's reaction can go into some dangerous territory. As someone with autism, I don't react the way people expect, when I am given gifts I don't always express my emotions about it. Sunny is characterized as quiet, maybe nonverbal, and not very expressive, and I relate to him a lot because of that! I'm not saying you're able ableist at all, just suggesting you keep in mind that just because he isn't portrayed in a normal neurotypical sense doesn't mean he is characterized as an asshole. There are real people who act like that when given gifts, and to say he is a bad person because of that can hurt the real life people who don't express emotion the way people expect!

Thanks for reading this, sorry if my tone came off weird at all, I am genuinely trying to be positive and give my silly little input as a neurodivergent person myself <3

Hi! Thank you for such a civil ask. I appreciate it a lot :D

it makes sense that his friends had to tell him about their jobs rather than flashbacks because that'd mean a double flashback

The flashbacks I was talking about could've been spread throughout the game and foreshadowed his friends buying the violin, not nested in the Christmas flashback. Of course, that'd necessitate changes to the story's structure and all that entails.

Said Christmas flashback could've been foreshadowed even without changing the story too much by having characters say something to the effect of "Oh hey, I used to work for that place! Back when..." and then abruptly stopping since further elaboration would require them to bring up the time when Mari was still alive.

that scene feels justified and natural as it was a surprise for Sunny and they're telling him about it.

My issue was more that the infodump feels incredibly awkward since it's the first time the player is ever told all of that information, and it's right before the final boss fight at that. Additionally, the phrasing still implies that Sunny is completely uninvolved in everyone's lives to the point he wouldn't notice or care that his own sister got a job.

The other thing I'd like to mention is that I feel like picking apart Sunny's reaction can go into some dangerous territory. As someone with autism, I don't react the way people expect, when I am given gifts I don't always express my emotions about it. Sunny is characterized as quiet, maybe nonverbal, and not very expressive, and I relate to him a lot because of that! I'm not saying you're able ableist at all, just suggesting you keep in mind that just because he isn't portrayed in a normal neurotypical sense doesn't mean he is characterized as an asshole. There are real people who act like that when given gifts, and to say he is a bad person because of that can hurt the real life people who don't express emotion the way people expect!

If you relate to Sunny or interpret him as autistic, more power to you! I'd rather not use unsubstantiated interpretations as arguments when discussing what happens in the game proper, though.

There is no definitive canonical evidence to confirm Sunny himself is autistic, nor was it ever confirmed by the writer or anyone else out of the developer team. As far as I know, it's just a headcanon.

My issue with Sunny's reaction isn't that he's not outwardly happy. It pertains to a bigger problem with how he's characterized - I can't tell what he's feeling most of the time because he has no real personality to speak of. Nothing about him shows that he genuinely cares for his friends deep down (Headspace doesn't count), and his actions in the real world paint him as profoundly unpleasant at best. That problem, in conjunction with the fact we're never told what he actually wanted for that Christmas (or whether he wanted anything in the first place), means I can only read his "reaction" as him being displeased with his friends' heartfelt gift but accepting it just because he needed to look polite.

All in all, I think this has nothing to do with autism. He's really just an asshole.

[narrativelysignificantturtleduck]

I think putting Jeong Jeong in NATLA season 2 after Zhao has already been kicked off the show would potentially be funny just cause

No convenient way to get rid of him at the end of the episode which means they gotta drag him around with the Gaang until he either leaves on his own or get separated for Plot Reasons. I guess they could shoehorn in an Azula Attack but she doesn't really fight the Gaang one on one all that much, at least not in s2 so. They're Stuck With Him

Either they gotta awkwardly break the news to him that his ex-student tried to murder the actual moon he gets to drop it into a convo that he quit teaching because one of his ex-students tried to murder the actual moon. And he doesn't need any more of that on his conscience ok

This last point isn't funny but him having ANYthing to do with Yue's death even indirectly would ramp up Sokka's dislike of him so hard. I doubt the show would even get into the first two points let alone this one but can you imagine

1. i was going to say "well, sometimes the gaang just leaves a village at the end of an episode and that's normal" but then i realized that's almost as funny as bringing him along. just like yeah sorry you weren't a good fit as a firebending teacher. good bye. no scene establishing what aang learned from jeong jeong just. well that sucked. yip yip! i can see natla doing that. like why would you have a scene demonstrating the lesson a character learned. that would make logical sense or something

2. i can see natla jeong jeong dropping this lore really early bc in the actual episode aang only finds out later when he actually confronts zhao. which is good writing. we get jeong jeong's viewpoint on firebending, we learn he had a student who sucked, and then we find out it's zhao and we understand why he's so passionate about said viewpoint. meanwhile there's no such thing as a reveal in natla. only infodumps

3. i've considered this before and i think it might actually have the opposite effect. like yes, having trained zhao means he is somewhat implicated in her death but he also deserted the military because he hated zhao and people like him. sokka might feel weird about it but they're actually pretty aligned on the topic of Zhao Sucks. like can you imagine either of them learning that zhao was drowned by the ocean spirit? they'd be thrilled to know he had such a cosmically perfect ending.

i actually started writing a scene about that in a sokka & piandao fic that i haven't touched in a while, maybe i should dust it off. mostly i just think sokka & jeong jeong should be friends bc i like them both so much.

anyways yeah, adding jeong jeong into the show without zhao is gonna be really weird and i'm scared at the possibilities

[the-force-awakens]

Hey, Nym, are you okay? I'm so sorry someone was ableist with one of your (amazing) hcs 🥺 I'm here if you wanna talk about what happened. But no pressure ♡

I debated answering this one publicly. Debated answering this one at all. Because sure, for all my playful kvetching, my passionate rants about why the things I like are cool and people shouldn't be dicks about it, and my occasional relatable depression text post reblog, I don't get negative on here. It's kind of my thing, or at least I like to think it is. I love to think my brand on here is that weird, positive autistic girl who is completely obsessed with Poe Dameron, and I also like to think it's a well earned brand. You don't stay on this bullshit for three years if you're normal.

So yeah, debated answering it because I didn't want to post the honest answer, but honestly this is a shitty situation, and it's important, so I am: I'm not okay.

I won't go into details, because contrary to what some clowns may believe I don't vague post (oh, oops, guess I just did a little), or at least if I kind of do, it's usually vaguing behaviors I see spread across multiple parts of a fandom, but I will talk about what it's like to be disabled and in fandom. What it is like to be autistic and in fandom.

I'm on Tumblr because it's a space where I can have a little dragon hoard of my special interest. It's where I can infodump about it. It's a space where I don't have to mask (much). In 2020, I jumped feet first into a certain special interest because life was shit and it made me happy. For every shitty take, every negative opinion I was hit with, I threw out more positive creations. I wrote. I giffed. I meta-ed to my heart's content and I was so fucking happy.

Then it....became a thing. I don't mind, as previously mentioned, my brand being that girl weirdly obsessed with a fictional pilot who isn't that popular outside of his fanon ships from a trilogy that this website loathes with as many burning suns as I hate - I don't even know something I hate that much. Anyway, I didn't mind that. But suddenly I became a wikipedia search bar. And....for the first little while, I didn't mind. Because I got to infodump about him, and I don't get to infodump irl, and my friends had heard plenty. And besides, I liked helping people! I like pointing people in the right direction of things.

But like I said. It became a thing. People were comfortable dm-ing me questions, getting mad about the answers I had, and sending back their own headcanons to contradict them. I got praised a lot for....having a special interest and being passionate about that subject. It started to feel a little bit...weird. But then I started realizing that people mostly only talked to me when they needed information from me, and that felt. Awful. It made me feel used just a little bit, and I took a step back from fandom because of it and some other mental health issues I was having.

(apparently if you're autistic this means you're 'distant')

But I wanted to keep creating, because making stuff makes me happy, and I'm autistic and I want a space to be autistic, and don't always want to (I know it does not bother you, but still) bother my friends with it, because there's loads of other conversations to have.

Fandom is more isolated now, but I feel that more keenly as someone who is disabled and audhd. Characters I relate to are seen as villains and monsters in the fandom, or manipulators that pressure people into doing what they want, or arrogant assholes who really just need to be put in their place. I try my best to ignore it.

It's harder to ignore when a not-super popular headcanon you made out of comfort after dissing your abled a bit more and living through a fairly traumatic job experience (and ergo losing out on a job because no one believed you were disabled), gets taken and written in an explicitly ableist way that mimicks precisely the trauma you were seeking comfort from.

I don't know who fandom is for anymore, but it's certainly not for me.

[meowsticmarvels]

(i talk spanish soo) HIIII, i'm new to tumblr but i'm trying to get familiar?? I LOVE TALKING ABOUT RADAR SO IDK, maybe you can tell me some headcanons or some opinions you have about the treatment he receives in the fandom? my hc are that he is filipino, he is 19-20 and he is boyflux with he/him pronouns.

i love infodumping things sorry

HIII YESSS THIS IS SO REAL im on my phone right now and it's like almost 2am so my thoughts won't be Super Duper coherent but here☝️ also big fan of ur hcs

first off in regards to the fandom im not blaming anyone in particular but i do feel like a lot of people kind of infantalize him when he's... very likely an adult considering he's had two jobs. i kind of see him around the age that you do (around like 19-20) so seeing some people treat him like a kid feels Weird? idk i don't like it. i also can't blame anyone for also not really looking into his character deeper but i do wish some people did look into the fact that he's more than what's at surface level!!!! mostly my issue with the prison radar thing - partially hc and also my interpretation but it feels more like a mask that he's put on due to the stress and pressure of everything he's endured up to that point (the iron breathtaker, and how he was treated in the ice palace. romeo calls him "baggage" to just be "jettisoned" or "cut loose" to his face.). you know?

more can be seen in the analysis posts ive made (you can search on my blog I can't find them rn but they're there) but this inspired me I Will make a another analysis post thing about how radar's treated in episode 2 and how it influences him. think that would be fun!

ANYWAYSSS here's some of my hcs :3

he's very autistic to me methinks. like i also do plan on elaborating how i see it but he feels very much unintentionally coded this way at least to me. it's a big part of how I interpret and write him

^ also i do feel like he has some form of trauma but especially from the iron breathtaker incident. like i don't think hed be the type to walk away from being literally tortured and be normal after that

definitely can see him as trans in some way I think......

im pretty sure this is like semi-canon but he strikes me as the type to like reading in general. he and lukas could talk about the books they like...

OH and I could see him being good friends with binta idk why but I think that would be fun

BUT anyway thank you for asking i love talking about radar ^___^ feel free to send asks again if there's something specific you wanna know about. i also do have this fic below which has a lot of my headcanons and interpretations kind of woven into it. but yeah thanks for this :3

[james-fun-in-the-sunderland]

dungeon meshi? for the asks :3

HELLO im so late again but yes... dunmeshi... ive been thinking abt it lately bc kbity is being added into the anime YAYY

obligatory ask game link

Favorite character: Chilchuck and izutsumi :) middle aged little guy and kity girl... theyre so good and they have good moments together!

Least Favorite character: At this point im so sorry everyone but it has to be kabru . everyone is so annoying about him god bless

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): 1. FARCILLE FOREVER #FARCILLE NATION (falin and marcille) 2. this ones just for fun but i like chilchuck and senshi. 3. mithrun and kabru, i think theyre weird enough for each other 4. kiki and namari, i think they clearly have a thing for each other. 5. ... um... chilchuck and his wife i guess, i think hes a malewife a little bit

Character I find most attractive: Senshi. most sex appeal in a man. big beard big muscles big ability to cook. also most upskirts .

Character I would marry: ALSO SENSHI. who wouldnt.

Character I would be best friends with: i know me and laios would be besties. i would know him in hs for sure, he would infodump on me about wolves and i would be like wow...

A random thought: not really random since i probably would say this often to people who hear me talk about dunmeshi but its so nice that ms catgirl izutsumi just acts like an actual fucking cat instead of a moe anime girl .. it makes her so much cuter :)

An unpopular opinion: laios isnt chubby he just has a normal amount of fat on his body ... ummm yeah thats probably my only one other than disliking labru lmao

My canon OTP: farcille. its literally canon

Non-canon OTP: Chilchuck and senshi, its not really an otp since i just ship it for funsies but its the only thing that fits here.

Most badass character: i kept saying wow mithrun is so cool on my reread of the manga so!

Pairing I am not a fan of: labru ... (laios and kabru) im so sorry everyone it is . the burakhovsky of dunmeshi to me.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): I dont really feel this about anyone? but i guess i wish the main cast other than marcille and laios got more time for arcs, like more development. but it works well for the main plot so!

Favourite friendship: marcille and laios have a nice sibling ish relationship to me! also chilchuck and marcille are fun :) girldad and the one girl. ALSO CHILCHUCK AND IZUTSUMIIII theyre so good

[wolfimprints]

Hi! May I please request a ship?

I'm 21, genderqueer (they/them, pretty feminine presenting), and bi. I'm really short but tend to wear pretty tall platforms so I'm 5' 6" in public, lol. I have angel fangs (piercings) and I adore tattoos. Generally, my sense of style is pretty alternative but in a really casual way because I prioritize comfort over aesthetic and I have sensory issues (black comfy clothes and no makeup for the win).

I cuss a ton and have a very horrible sense of humor (dirty jokes and shock/dark humor, I'm not allowed near the kids table anymore, I have no filter and it's gotten me in trouble), I also vape, and I drink socially. I'm autistic, so I have trouble reading social cues, have limited facial expressions, have trouble with empathy, and tend to infodump about random things.

I'm usually pretty chill, I like to complain a lot but it's all lighthearted. My idea of an ideal date is hiking while talking mindlessly about anything, then going home to make dinner together and eat it on the couch while watching Rick and Morty or an anime or something. Also, I get crushes easily. Even in a relationship, I'm loyal as can be but I do tend to gush about fictional characters or the cutie that I saw at the coffee shop because I think that attraction is so normal and natural and human that it shouldn't be an issue. I'm also REALLY straightforward when I have a crush, I'll tell them "yeah, I totally did that thing so that I had an excuse to look at you some more because I think you're hot, lol" and I really don't see the big deal, facts are facts.

I'm also an artist and I love to cook. I read a bit, bit I get bored too quickly so I tend to drop books a lot. I like silly movies (Monty Python or Bill and Ted or something like those) and cartoons (Adventure Time, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Rugrats, etc.) and generally unserious things. I like anything that looks whimsigoth, and I'm an extreme introvert.

That's all I can think of. I feel like I simultaneously rambled for far to long and like I didn't give nearly enough information. My bad, lol. But thank you in advance if you take the request, and sorry to bother you if you can't/aren't taking requests!!

I ship you with... QUIL!

I feel like he'll appreciate your clothing style (I see him being into grungy stuff) and your interests (films/cartoons with black humour). He's also pretty sarcastic/blunt so he'll see you as a partner-in-crime in mischief.

I picture him as an observer, so he'll understand after a while of spending time with you what gets you going and what not. He'll always get the conversation going even after you've made quite a comment that freezes the mood.

Thanks for requesting!

[baltears]

hello spookyshai!! its cool if u dont want to, but i was wonderin if you'd elaborate on what you like about william? i just like thinking about/mentally rewriting westworld and its characters in my free time, and your fascination with william's got me fascinated, mostly bc i see him as a stinky bastard. so obvs you'd definitely have a more nuanced take on him, which i'd also like to develop for the imaginary westworld rewrite fic that i'm never going to write ;)) regardless if u answer or not, just wanted to say i'm a fan of your blog and i hope you're havin a good day!!

omg so first of all thank you so so much for sending this, especially asking unprompted about a character you don't even like and giving me a chance to explain my feelings about him which is just incredibly cool of you. i love and am obsessed with william so giving me any excuse to talk about him at length is like gifting me $1000. if you want to know more about my meta thoughts about him after reading this, (I'm gonna talk A Lot – sorry – but i can't possibly get through everything because he's just a very complicated guy and it's a very dense show), you can always look in my william tag. I have a lot of text posts about him, but I also often talk a lot in the tags of my own posts as well as reblogs. This is gonna be a lot of totally disorganized and unedited infodumping of a lot of different meta, but i've talked about all of it at length elsewhere too and I can also totally elaborate more if you have any specific questions (you could send another ask if you wanted, but also feel free to just message me about it anytime). I'll do my best not to get too emotional (lol) but it'll be tough because this character is so close to my heart. but I'll try!

this is a huge wall of text lol so i'll also be adding more bold and italics than i normally would just to make it a little easier to read.

so first of all let's be clear, he completely is a stinky bastard. he is a horrible, awful, faithless, pathetic specimen of a man. not liking him is totally justified. just wanted to get that out of the way. personally I think not liking anything for any reason is totally valid and justified, but there are certainly good reasons why a lot of people don't like william. he is not a good dude, at least not after a certain point. No one is obligated to relate to him, empathize with him, feel bad for him, whatever... like, no one's obligated to like anything, but especially this guy. sometimes people can get a little shirty about the fact that i do, like me liking him means i think they have to. I don't think that. I do love finding other william stans, and i am very unapologetic and open about my love for him, but him being widely hated makes complete sense to me.

sigh like why i love him so much though… it's kind of hard to even put into words. on one level it's just extremely personal, like, there are a lot of things about him that i really resonate with and identify with, although I know that sounds weird (it's definitely gotten some very shocked reactions before, lol). i'm a villain liker in general, i tend to be able to relate to those types of characters easily and it kind of takes a lot for me to really dislike one on a personal level (though that's true of any sort of character, i just tend to like the majority of the characters in any work that i genuinely enjoy regardless of how shitty they are – to me the only truly bad thing a character can be is annoying, like, the kind of annoying where you just want them off your screen). Characters being any degree of evil or shitty or problematic doesn't bug me at all, personally, I tend to feel no deep internal urge to have them 'held accountable' for the things they do, unless they exist in a narrative that genuinely doesn't seem to understand that they are in the wrong, which does irritate me when it happens. But anyway, I don't want to get too oversharey but there's definitely a very high level of just personal resonance to the character for me in terms of the kinds of conflicts he has, the things he struggles with, the dominant emotions of his life, etc. so that's part of it. also though he's just… a very complex and beautifully constructed piece of character work, so I also love him just on a technical level as a writer.

He has such incredible significance in the story too, being the thematic representative of humanity, both to dolores and to the wider narrative – his capabilities for good and evil are humanity's capabilities for good and evil, right. Dolores' opinion of humanity and feelings towards humanity are very colored by her opinion of him and her feelings towards him, and thematically their relationship is sort of a microcosm of the broader relationship between hosts and humanity and very much a central piece of the narrative. Even when it's out of direct focus it's being constantly referenced and pointed back to, such as with the caleb storyline in season 3 – caleb himself is basically one big callback to william in s3, parallels out the wazoo, and his function of turning around dolores' opinion on humans is very much related to him reminding her of william – hence why her storyline in season 3 ends with her remarking on how her memories of william as a young man indicate to her that humanity is capable of goodness, because caleb's capacity to choose echoes william's capacity to choose, caleb's goodness echoes william's goodness, it all goes back to that, etc.

So… I guess I'll just jump in lol. William's Thing, the fulcrum of his character, the main feeling or sentiment that underlies all of his evil actions and kind of his general turn away from the kind and gentle person he used to be, is alienation, right. He lives his whole life (as he tells dolores in 1x07) not fitting in anywhere, not making connections anywhere, not having any sort of community or any experience with love or companionship of any kind… he's just been totally alone and alienated his entire life. like, the closest thing he had to a friend was logan, and he hates logan. I think this is the major thing people miss about him – there's this perception that his turning evil was out of some form of entitlement, that he was just angry that this woman he liked didn't like him back and it's just an issue of wounded masculinity, but to me that completely misses the mark. Like yes wounded masculinity is a piece of his character (the way he performs and weaponizes masculinity in general is… really fascinating, I'll go into a bit more detail about it, but the kind of showy machismo that he displays is definitely a tool that he intentionally developed for his own use rather than a really integral part of who he is) but it's not at all the core emotion happening there.

To William, Dolores was not only a person he was in love with or a person he was attracted to. She was also his first and only genuine human connection ever. She was his first true friend, she was his first love, she was the first suggestion anywhere in his life that it was even possible at all for him to experience a sort of deep mutual understanding and care, that somebody could actually genuinely see him and let him see them. He literally just had not ever experienced any level of real emotional intimacy before, which is a feeling i actually think a lot of people relate to if they grew up feeling very lonely. And then ultimately not only was that relationship taken away, but it was kind of retroactively deleted. When he saw her again back in sweetwater, his thought was not, "i don't have this relationship anymore," but "i never had this relationship," and further, "the single person i've ever thought i could have this kind of relationship with is actually not capable of having any kind of relationship with anyone, including me, and i literally just made all of this up in my head." After losing Dolores he is not just sad and lonely – he literally comes to the conclusion that he can never have any kind of intimate human connection or be genuinely loved, ever, because the one person in his entire life he thought he connected with is not even a person at all, but just a thing. It's very much a rug pull moment on a level that's hard to describe, it kind of takes some thought-experimenting to get to that emotional place because it's a level of shock and hurt and betrayal and like, paradigm-shifting that most of us don't regularly experience (which I think might be part of the reason why a lot of people don't seem to really understand his character or be able to parse what's going on with him emotionally). Suffice it to say it's a wound deep enough that he was pretty much never going to recover from it.

After that happens he is completely destabilized, he loses all sense of meaning and self, and he never gets a grip on it again. He had totally reconstructed his idea of his life to include the genuine possibility of meaning, and meaningful relationships, when he met Dolores. And with the loss of her, all of that suddenly went away and he basically was just left with nothing. So that alienation that he grew up with is now not just a part of his life, not just a thing that he suffers from, but he starts to feel that it's inherent to him and that it comes from him, which is partly why we start getting all the anti-social behavior he displays later in life. He develops and kind of fosters that lack of empathy in himself not because he's truly incapable of empathy (as we see when he's a young man and at a couple of later points here and there, he is in fact very capable of it) but because he feels fundamentally cut off from other people – he can't reach them and they can't reach him.

So that fundamental sense of alienation is really what informs 90% of the things he does after that point. He starts building this persona, inside and outside the park. The real world feels meaningless to him at this point because the only hint of meaning he's ever had in his life was in the park, so he buys the park, and simultaneously starts trying to "win" at life in the real world like he would in the park. The real world honestly doesn't feel any more real to him than the park does, he just knows rationally that it's different and so he behaves differently outside the park… he builds all this wealth and power for himself, he becomes a famous philanthropist. Inside the park he starts creating this character for himself, this sort of hyper-masculine, hyper-competent, totally emotionally composed, merciless, badass villain. And he makes a very concerted effort to stay in this persona as often as he can.

It's all a performance, though, right. As early as 1x05 we have Ford pointing out (to his face! legend) that his barely-hidden desperation to find meaning in the park is giving the game away. In that flashback near the end of 2x02 we get a glimpse of what's underneath, because he's performing this cold, heartless persona in front of Dolores literally while his voice is shaking because he's having to try hard not to start crying as he's talking to her. Deep down he is still very wounded, he still loves her, he still desperately wishes deep down (as jimmi simpson explained) for her to just tell him that all of it was real, for her to be real and truly be a person the way he thought she was. When he's an older man that wish is still in there, it's just been buried very deep, covered up with a lot of other things, twisted. But it's always there, it's his most closely held desire, the only thing he truly wants, and it comes out all the time in the things he does. All his tormenting of dolores, and especially his desire to make the park "real" in order to find meaning – that's that. That sense of deep confusion that's always there in his character too, the constant inner monologue of "who am I, what does this mean, does anything mean anything, what is real or not real, what is going on," that's that too, that's his destabilized sense of self and reality and meaning that came out of losing Dolores. And by this point he has also come to feel, as he says in 2x09 to his wife, that there is something very fundamentally wrong with him, in a way that's kind of at odds with how we as the audience have historically understood him.

The thing is, we saw him be a kind, loving, gentle, thoughtful person. He certainly was not perfect, for instance his later narcissism started out as a sort of basic self-centeredness, but he was a fundamentally good-hearted person who put most of his energy into trying to do the right thing. But he starts saying that he feels like that wasn't the real him, that he thinks deep down he was evil and poisonous all along, that his turn to darkness was inevitable, and that there's a sort of helplessness to his evil. There's this deep sense of shame that permeates his character along with his loneliness and alienation and resentment. He hates everything, he hates the world, but above all he hates himself – kind of amusing considering the god complex he's developed over time. But that really does seem to be the underlying emotion, that he truly thinks that deep down he was always bad. It's very heavily implied that his philanthropy outside the park and his attention to his family, his kind of good-guy persona, is something that he constructed to try and make up for his true nature, and all but stated that he doesn't feel like he's succeeded. To him, no amount of good he does will ever balance his level of evil, evil that as he says doesn't come from anything he's done but something deeper than that, something immutable, something he is. So that's why we eventually have him getting to the point of going "I might as well not bother with this anymore. I might as well just be evil, because I can't change what I am."

I've also said in other posts that the things Juliet says to him come off as obviously abusive. Like, she's technically correct that there's some sinister things going on with his private life, but listen to how she says it. You're a virus, not a person, a thing that mindlessly infects and destroys and has no other purpose. And he agrees with her! He doesn't question it at all, he just says, yes, you're exactly right, I'm not a human being with good and bad attributes, or potential to do both right and wrong. I'm a virus. Like, again, I know people get weird about having empathy for villain characters, there's the whole "cool motive, still murder," thing, because we don't want to be excusing anyone's bad actions with a sad backstory (personally I don't really care, but I understand where the concern comes from). But when he said that to Juliet it just… like I don't know how else to put it, it broke my heart. He really believes that about himself. And later he starts to question it because he's not sure anymore if he actually chose to do any of the things he did… but the way his hallucination of Emily puts it, these are his two options: you are evil, or you had no choice. One or the other. He never puts aside the idea that he is a monster that does not deserve to live, and his suicidality persists from season one (when he encourages Dolores to shoot him in the head and reacts with honest disappointment when she can't) to the end of season four when he actually does manage to engineer his own death. He is deeply, agonizingly, pathetically miserable existing the way that he is, he seems to see his even being allowed to live at all as some sort of cosmic injustice. But he doesn't know how to change back to the way he was.

All that having happened, though, we also keep getting these repeated suggestions in the story that he actually is still capable of goodness somewhere in there. The narrative keeps asking what William is exactly, what his fundamental nature is, and keeps refusing to land on one answer, instead choosing to keep things ambiguous in a way that would be sort of odd for your garden variety villain. In 2x04 we see him experiencing regret, feeling empathy and pain on behalf of others, and acting genuinely heroic, only to later backtrack and say it didn't mean anything. In 2x09 Emily tells him he is in his essence "a lie" but makes no attempt to locate what the "truth" of him would then be. In 3x06 he tries to figure out the answer to what's going on with him again only to decide he still doesn't really know, in 3x08 we get this reminder that he still stands for Dolores as a representation of both humanity's evil and its goodness, in 4x05 when his host duplicate asks him what he is, he says "Jury's still out." He is too far down his current path to turn back, but he still does not and cannot definitively and finally choose evil, because despite his self-loathing it seems like he senses deep down that his other side is still in there. All that to say I think he's getting a redemption arc in season 5, if we get a season 5 – season 5 is supposed to be the do-over season, and the character who most desperately needs and could most benefit from a do-over is William.

Um, closing thoughts… I think he's really funny. Sometimes intentionally, like, I do laugh at his little quippy comments, but I also just think it's really funny how pathetic he is and what a mess he is and how he basically imploded his entire life on accident. I do feel a lot of very genuine care and empathy for him (obviously), but he's also such a garbage fire of a human being that you sometimes just have to laugh. He's just my funny little guy, also he sucks, also I love him and he's my lil angel, also he's the worst man ever in history and deserves to be drawn and quartered (said with love). You get it. :) There's dimensions.

Trying to think of other characterization notes for your imaginary fic… oh, did you notice he puts on an accent in the park? He does this fake Southern drawl when he's playing his park character, but it's not his real accent and he drops it at other times, kind of like how Dolores sometimes does or doesn't use her "rancher's daughter" accent when she's being Wyatt in season 2. Uh… Total nerd, at heart, seeing as "all he had as a kid were books." (I kind of suspect that childhood memory might not have been totally real, by the way… made a post about that recently that's a little ways down in my tag if you're interested.)

There are more things I could say, but I think I've probably gone on long enough for the one ask lol so I'll cut it off here. Thank you again, so much, for sending this. I hope you enjoyed and got something out of this response, but if not I still do very much appreciate you asking and being curious. I hope you had a great day too!

[spacebug07]

hi hi!!! bored so do you have anything you like want to infodump about? or just send a long post about or want me to research/read/watch/listen to or etc? this ask can take as long as u want or be as long as you want or whatever u want just curious :) can be about absolutely anything!!

hey there!

sooo this is pretty different from what i normally talk about BUT tlou hbo has reignited my hyperfixation on it and sadly they have taken over my brain once again. aaand i kind of feel like people are misinterpreting the core of the story at the moment, so. full ramble below the cut and yes i will be spoiling absolutely everything (including the next season, but i'll mark that part with a warning) so i am very sorry tumblr user hazmatazz if you can't read this now but. i NEED to get this off of my chest.

right off the bat, i'm going to get to the main thing: joel's lie.

a lot of what i'm about to explain is best summarized with the bts the making of clips that are shown at the end of look for the light but i feel a very deep need to spell this out for some of you.

NO ONE IN THIS SITUATION IS RIGHT OR WRONG!!!

and this is a running theme that i'm definitely going to get back to later because that's another main thing with tlou as a whole.. they tend to create very morally grey, not-right not-wrong characters, and that's on purpose. a large part of this story as a whole is to show how people (and humanity in a lot of cases) would react if we were put into these situations.

which leads us right back to what joel did.

the last of us offers this already very damaged, very broken person a really visceral, hard decision. and i feel like people are forgetting that these experiences, him losing sarah and tess and the promise he made to tess.. all of that shapes his decision to save ellie and protect her.

like (i believe it was, i don't have the time to check--) craig mazin said at the end of look for the light, a lot of tlou1 is about the deep, unconditional love of a parent. he was essentially offered to save his adoptive daughter or save humanity.

just think about his situation for a second. if you had this person that you loved like family, and you had to choose saving them over a world that is already long gone, would you? because i know i would, and i'm sure there are a lot of people that would agree with me.

and then there's ellie.

throughout the first part, ellie has this strange sort of, for lack of a better term, "chosen one" complex, where she has this mindset that's like, "okay, i have this really special, probably rare thing, and there's no one else like me, as far as we know. what can i do with that?" and her first answer is always to use it. the show takes this another step further in a small way when she tries to save sam, but it doesn't work, which is some pretty rough foreshadowing, but i'm getting off-topic.

ellie wants her immunity to mean something bigger, to be something greater than just something that can only stop her from getting infected. she wants to save and help people, because she couldn't save rylie or tess or sam, and she's watching all of these people die around her, and she can't do anything. so, obviously, when she finds out there's a chance she can change that, she's going to want to tak eit. and even more so, she's going to get hurt when joel, this person she loves and cares a lot about, stops that from happening on purpose and lies to her face about it.

they both have their reasons. does that make joel a little selfish, in some ways? maybe. but talk to any parent you know, and they would do the same thing. sometimes, when it comes to stuff like this, people can be inherently selfish. it doesn't mean that they're bad people, though.

you could argue for both sides here, and that's what makes all of this so complicated. ellie is a bordering-on-suicidal fourteen year old girl who wanted her immunity to mean something for other people, too. joel just wanted to keep her around and let her live a somewhat fulfilling life. you could also say that fedra wouldn't allow the vaccine to be distributed, or that the fireflies are liars or that maybe the fireflies were just trying to help, and you'd be right on all accounts. it is just too difficult to call either of these people wrong for getting upset and doing what they did.

season two spoilers start here!

i also sort of want to elaborate on that thing i said earlier about tlou and its characters, because i know for a fact we're going to have the same fights we got when tlou2 came out once season 2 is out, and i want to clear some stuff up right now before i lose my mind. yes, this is tangential. i do not care at all lmao

if you can forgive joel and tommy for all of the shitty things they've done, hell, if you can forgive ellie for what she does in part 2, then you can absolutely forgive abby, too. and if you don't, you're kind of biased and lack some very important empathy, imo.

let's just look at what these characters do during this conflict completely objectively, for a minute, sticking to the games' canon.(since s2 isn't out yet)

joel kills abby's father, the surgeon that was meant to kill ellie, in order to save her. abby, in turn, once she finds him, kills joel. ellie and tommy, out of pure grief and anger, track abby and her group down and kill all eight of them off one by one. ellie only spares abby once she's the last person standing and has a kid to take care of.

keep in mind, abby literally SPARED ellie and tommy. was this for some pretty harsh reasons? probably. but still. she said it herself, she let them live. she could have killed them at any time in that room, and she made the choice not to.

now, no one other than abby had really laid a hand on joel, other than wrapping that tourniquet around his leg at the very beginning. ellie still wanted them all dead, because they were there, and they helped, and they were friends with abby, and in ellie's eyes, that's crime enough to deserve punishment.

but we still love ellie. we still love tommy. we still root for both of them, because we understand their characters and empathize with them. (which was sort of the point of playing as abby for so long in part 2 but i guess some people just didn't click with that which is fine but ugh. you don't GET ITTTT)

on the outside looking in, abby really isn't any worse than either of them. you may even argue that she's better. but that's one of the driving themes of the games, and the story as a whole. no one is good or bad, we're all just people with separate motivations that intersect in bad ways.

spoilers end here!

i guess that's why i get so frustrated when i see that we're still misunderstanding the conflict between joel and ellie here. there isn't any right or wrong here! they are both just people who care about each other very deeply, and sometimes, because of that, they get hurt. if we're going to keep doing this i am begging you all not to watch season two. you're just going to get pissed off again.

[lambentplume]

Hi!!!! Who is your favorite traveler? :3c

hi anon!! i am incapable of picking a fave so i’m gonna give u different categories.

in terms of gameplay, alfyn is far and away my favorite bc he does a little bit of everything and he’s a support-type character! he can hit every elemental weakness to set up breaks, dohter’s charity is a Good divine skill, and curious blooms have really interesting and useful effects. and he’s pretty sturdy, so he can survive long enough to heal stuff (sorry ophi) he was also my first traveler so i’m biased.

character-wise i love olberic “the unbending blade” “failure knightguy” eisenberg. i have some followers who Aren’t done with all main stories yet so there’s no spoilers here i prommy but: i actually really like how his story is framed as for redemption and not restoring his former glory or whatever. i think i’ve blathered at length about how it takes him so so long to come to terms with his situation. also, his story is about displacement and finding a new way to define home, in this essay i will etc etc. he’s also very pretty etc etc. like yes his arc about recovering from trauma and grappling with what it means to be a knight without a kingdom is so striking to me. however he is the prettiest traveler imho. (sorry cyrus.) i actually do have infodumps locked and loaded re: my favorite lines of his also. i have obviously thought about him a normal amount.

story-wise i Love h’aanit and the way she functions within her path. again i won’t spoil her entire story, BUT it has my favorite npcs aside from that one blonde guy who wears red from a certain knight’s story lolll. overall her story is one that feels very grounded and it’s really neat the ways that the provoke mechanic is used throughout! iirc she’s also never like. talked down to or patronized (at least by anyone the narrative tries to take seriously) And she’s never made a damsel in distress which always is a plus. it also helps that her connection to the final boss is the one i found the Most striking. she’s one of my favorite travelers to make postcanon hcs about. also congratulations to h’aanit for being the only traveler to have leghold trap by default.