#sorry I just caught myself
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Sometimes depression looks like micromanaging your joy until you stop doing even the smallest, most normal things simply because you enjoyed it a little bit.
#sorry I just caught myself#scrolling past something on here that I liked#instead of reblogging it#or liking it#and realizing how often I do that#and when I tried to ask myself why#the only answer that came back was#that I have to have limits#and then I was like#uuuh WHAT#LIMITS ON WHAT??#THINGS I LIKE??#WHY?#WHO FUCKING SAID SO??#anyway#depression#tw: depression#forms of self harm#are weird sometimes
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I feel like F/P/S was still a pretty weird one, even by Lance's standards.
sorry for (in an ironic twist) not doing much Ride Kamens art now that it's actually started; I've been pretty slow going through it and I feel weird posting about things I'm not caught up on! though I'm. definitely gonna have to set aside some time to actually get through episode 13, after what they posted today. (w-what did they do to my Leon) (NOBODY TELL ME I HAVE TO FIND OUT ON MY OWN) (LEOOOOOOOON)
#art#ride kamens#f/p/s#freedom/play/slam#it's probably not as dramatic as i'm imagining i'm just terrified for our sweet boy#smh can't believe leon's bald now#this is why i don't like to post before i get caught up i have NO IDEA#anyway sorry this. kind of sucks. it just made me laugh#i love the sheer absurdity that must be lance's day-to-day#it's amazing what you can get used to i guess#event chaosworlds are bizarre even for chaosworlds though#(poor shizuru...he was SO confused about the bread...)#i admit the events are one of the reasons i've been so slow at the main story#i told myself i was going to put my foot down and prioritize and not get distracted by the next event#and then they announced frilly prince froufrou tea party wisdom boys and RUINED MY LIFE#how am i supposed to get anything done when all i can think about is jou just going absolutely ham on some tiny cucumber sandwiches#how dare they do this to me
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still caught up on the back door of it all. (yes i'n turning it into my own heavy handed evan buckley style metaphor so what?). buck getting a side of eddie no one else does, this open and vulnerable and heartbroken man who doesn't have to be anything but himself because he knows buck is safety and certainty and of course. buck being let in in a way no one else is, into the deepest and ugliest parts of eddie that he's tried to hide and polish and fix on his own for so long. eddie opening the door wide for him and being shocked when buck asks if he can come in because buck's the kind of person to knock eddie's door down to get to him, but also knowing that buck will always knock first as an i'm here, i'll be here before he pushes his way inside all of eddie's mess. and the back door opening into the kitchen, into the heart of the home generally, but absolutely the heart of their home, buck comes knocking and eddie lets him into his heart without hesitation, eddie lets him into his heart directly, no hallways to traverse through first, one step and buck's inside because when is he not nestled safely in eddie's heart?
#sami rambles#sorry im just really caught up on this idea of eddie's brain being his bedroom where he had his breakdown#and the kitchen being the heart where he's had his most honest conversations with buck#and how buck gets let into each of these spaces so differently but fills each of them up and#god i need to stop im making myself emotional#911 spoilers#911 show#evan buckley#buddie#eddie diaz#buck x eddie#911 meta
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Banter
Notes I Pure fluff maybe + chung myung content ?!?! woah.. keep in mind that this is not edited and checked :3
Chung Myung will never let you live this down. No way. Especially when he, quite literally, had you pinned down. "Give up yet?" He asks, his tone teasing as he looks down at you with that shit-eating grin he knows you have a hate-love relationship with. God, you want to wipe that grin off his face so bad. "Love," You start, your tone seemingly pleading as you look up at him. The one and only Mount Hua's Divine Dragon, Chung Myung, swore he could explode at any given moment. And while that normally is a threat to the other disciples, it means something else now. Slowly but surely, you lean closer to him. You then pout, "Please.." A kiss, then you turn the tables on him. For a split second, he was caught off-guard with that kiss; you didn't waste any time switching your positions. How cute he looks when he's under you. "I'll kiss you, okay? So please, keep your voice down."
Notes II Chung Myung deserves all of the kisses and hugs in the world.
#we're back ??#who knows#take this as an apology for my.. very long break :D#sigh#I'm sorry for the long wait :(#I was just going through some chung myung fics and realized that there isn't much..#“fine I'll do it myself” moment#uhm anyways#all hail chung myung!!!#my beloved cm..#might be ooc actually#genuinely don't know I haven't caught up on the novel yet#yaoki writes :]#return of the blossoming blade#return of the mount hua sect#rotmhs#rotbb#chung myung#cheong myeong#he's so ugh#my silly guy#chung myung x reader#cheong myeong x reader#am I missing something else#fluff#just teasing then a whole kissing session#borderline making out lowkey#ok gn#rei will probably take care of this blog from now#seij will go honkshoomimimi
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heads up: (TW blood/blood loss mention from accidental injury in post and tags)
probs not gonna stream tonight because I feel so dead and I actually just physically hurt myself really fucking badly, not purposely—don’t think I did this intentionally, and have to clean up a giant bloody fucking mess now so I’m just 🫠 ugh. I hate being inconvenienced with shit like this due to my own fucking issues with my coordination and a lack of reaction time because I feel weird right now in general and I’m struggling to feel like an actual person mentally so like … it definitely fucked me up today when I was distracted and unfocused and managed to hurt myself.
I’ll see how I feel tomorrow night after dealing all this, but if I do stream tomorrow then it’ll likely start around 7pm (east coast US time) as that’s the most common time I’ve been recommended. a post will be made beforehand on whether I plan to or not to, along with the twitch link.
but right now I just REALLY need to clean up this fucking mess and lay down. I got myself BAD and I think I need to try and nap after I clean this up because fucking hell, it hurt, and it made me feel sick at the same time so 🙃
#my hand is covered in blood. my thigh is covered in blood. as if it wasn’t already in rough shape.#nope just had to go and rip open an already healing wound on accident and cause this fucking mess.#my comforter even has a blood stain on it from the damage I did to myself ………. I guess this needs to be retired sooner than I thought#because I’m not dealing with trying to peroxide the stain out. I don’t have the energy. it’s just trash at this point.#I have to go clean myself up and hope this closes back up quickly because I have nothing I can bandage it up with 🙃🙃🙃#but also fucking hell I think I lost more blood than I thought I did initially because I feel nauseas and dizzy and I’m anemic#so this feeling usually happens when I’m on my period. that’s why I feel it’s blood loss related 🫠#anyways. I’m fine. I think. I don’t know. I will be eventually. just made a stupid mistake and caught a scab and ripped the whole fucking#wound back open so 🫠🙃 lucky me#don’t worry about me I just wanted to explain why I don’t feel up to streaming tonight I’m sorry y’all#my extra lack of coordination absolutely has to be attributed to the fact that my sleeping meds fucking ran out so I haven’t slept in days 🙃#and probably not really eating that often isn’t helping but whatever#but now I have blood dripping down my entire leg so I’ve gotta go get this sorted and force myself to sleep#sorry about not being able to stream tonight y’all :/ I feel so bad
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jesusfuckingchrist fuck shit fuck fuck fuck Jon's ACTUALLY IN THERE? AND THEY ARE SENTIENT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE SENT AN EMAIL? WHAT DID IT SAY?
#I spent so much effort mentally convincing myself there was no direct#connection to tma how could they do this.#they really went ahaha guys chill protocol is a completely new story stop trying to make tma connections NEVERMIND MOTHERFUCKERS PUMCHES WAL#HHNDNDNHGGFFDD???????#sorry guys I don’t have rabies I was just caught off guard#the magnus protocol#tmagp 7#tmagp spoilers
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babygirl if you knew how many homewrecker fantasies I daydream about on a daily basis it's gonna be so over
#liveblogging.pdf#good luck babe is NOT helping jesus#also getting caught giggling to myself over my silly little homewrecker fantasies. most mortifying ordeal EVER#and it's not even the way youd assume. like im aro i don't get crushes#they're entirely petty vindictive revenge fantasies#like LISTEN. i could pull my college ex friend's crush so easily#but let's not get into that. they're just fantasies im not gonna get with a guy just to piss her off im not there yet#i just get off on thinking about breaking up allos don't mind me#it's so funny im sorry it's how i cope with having to live in the most heterosexual college ever ok#vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com
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Thoughts on the hc that Dazai has a glass eye?
I'm just imagining Dazai getting injured on a case on his blind side, and Kunikida berates him and drags him to Yosano.
And Yosano is like "Really, again? How did it happen this time?" And Kunikida says "Idiot wasn't paying attention."
Dazai "No I was, its just my blind side."
And they both freak out because why? How? Huh? But his eye looks fine?
Yosano: Well, I can schedule an appointment and we can see if we can get you surgery or something-
Dazai: Oh its unsalvagable, I'm blind on that side.
Kunikida: Why does your eye look fine then??? (He thinks Dazai is fucking with him)
Dazai just smiles, reaches up and pull the glass eye out. Kunikida screams.
- Goblin anon
Oh my gosh alsksjdjfjf honestly I think this hc is great just for that potential moment of screaming confusion on Kunikida’s part, Dazai absolutely would do that XD
I guess in general I haven’t thought much about the implications of Dazai bandaging that eye! I know I’ve definitely seen fics and stuff where his vision is off in that eye in one way or another (@feralrookie wrote a fantastic soulmate AU where Dazai’s soulmark is on that eye and it gutted me in the best way). I think it’s really fun to see where different people go with it :0
I do think it’s interesting that he swaps which eye he bandages in the Beast universe…that feels like it has Implications but I’m not sure what they are, I’m not very skilled at analysis lol —Although, slightly related, I do love the moment in the Dark Era where Oda pulls those bandages off as he dies, because it seems like a visual representation of how much Dazai was hindering himself in the mafia (seriously, if there isn’t anything wrong with that eye, that means the dude was shooting guns without precise depth perception seemingly just for the heck of it) and then Oda pulls them off as he tells him to go live in the light and just aaaaaaaaaaaaa I am never not going to be emotional about the dark era ;;
…anyway this got off topic, basically all this to say I think that I think it’s cool how many different interpretations of it there are, and you could definitely do a lot with the glass eye headcanon alskjdjdjd
#I don’t know how coherent this is alskjdjfj#i am very sleepy#…now I’m also thinking about the fact that I don’t think we’ve seen Dazai fire a gun since he joined the ADA#unless it’s happened in one of the LNs I haven’t caught up with yet#idk that just seems significant since the times we’ve seen him fire a gun previously were: a moment of clear trauma for him(the 15 arc)#and him imparting trauma on Akutagawa in the dark era.#I feel like that might be indicative of him distancing himself from his past self#or I could be reading too much into it#fun fact that was actually why I gave him a gun in the Dazai-goes-feral-AU#because in that fic he is regressing pretty heavily due to Stress and Emotions#and also why he immediately drops the gun and leaves it behind after he fires the last shot#cause he knows he’s regressing and he’s trying to distance himself from it.#…I ended up rambling a lot sorry alsksjdjfjf#oooh actually another random thought#dyou think there’s anything going on with Q’s eyes? like can they see ok?#I know it’s a part of their character design but oh my gosh those pupils#I feel like that would seriously hamper your vision#ok I need to stop myself before I write a full chapter of nonsense in the tags alskjdjdjd#ask box#bsd dazai#goblin anon
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Shoutout to my siblings for putting up with my neurodivergent ass. Just now I remembered how multiple times I tried to convince them that we should roleplay a complex trading system between towns and/or nations. I wanted no plot, one dimensional characters, and all the focus on trade. It's a miracle they didn't tease me more lol
#why was I so obsessed with playing trade?#i enjoyed creating poltics; religions; histories; and cultures so much more but all of that stuff I prefered to do myself#why was trade the one worldbuilding thing I wanted to share?#anyway I was basically made for worldbuilding I guess#I do worldbuilding a lot and then never write stories for most of those#and then ironically many of my stories I feel lack good worldbuilding#it's like I can't blend the two :(#or maybe it's just that I get Too caught up in worldbuiliding so in order to focus on writing a plot I need to ignore it? idk#anyway my brain has been running in circles all day#i have spent all afternoon and evening sewing and scrapbooking#two hobbies I have never done before today#I also really really want to make a dollhouse by hand which is also something I've never done#why is creativity like this?#idk but I'm having fun :D#sorry I haven't been writing tho#personal
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Does Furret participate in Pokémon battles or are they moral support?
both actually! furret is a support pokemon! he has a moveset to help others and- ah sorry i got a "little" into competitive but you know for fun! florian inspired me to make a team that involves with pokemon i love and build it from there. though furret prefers to be my moral support. i grab him, hug him tight and i forget about my loss.
though some of my pokemon do enjoy the quiet and relaxing life so its a win-win for us! i leave some of them with my grandparents to help them around the house or do activities. i am very grateful for them!
#rotomblr#pkmn irl#thanks for the ask!#trainer kieran#pokemon fanart#being real honest. if it werent for that fateful day i wouldnt be the same person today.#and i have been studying the competitive scene myself to get stronger! ...i do admit i have been studying books and videos about it.#kind of lost a “bit” of sleep but i just got so engrossed by it. thenigotmyhandsonsomebooksaboutlegendarypokemonandlostmoresleep#i almost went on a tangent but i caught myself. do not talk to me about competitive stuff. i kinda just “infodump” about it.#my sister told me that. because she once asked me for help and the next thing i knew she was nodding off to sleep.#//ooc: Can you tell on which parts I drew over and fixed so many times. :sob emoji: Sorry I was dying to make it at least decent.
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Day #5 of FFXIV Mixed May Job/Class
First and foremost, Briar considers himself an Archer. When he reluctantly went to Gridania, he was accepted by the Archer's Guild. Despite protests, Guildmaster Luciane saw potential in Briar and was pleased that he was a shy, but dedicated student. He often spent hours in the early morning practicing.
#ffxiv#FFXIVMixedMay#my screenshots#screenshots: briar redfeather#character: briar redfeather#There!#All caught up#Sorry for the spam#I will be doing one a day ideally from now#I just didn't want to let myself slack anymore
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oda pisses me off because a lot of animes female 'body diversity' starts and ends with different boob size and. he couldnt even do that
#like Bro. genuinely#every. single. female. character. has. the exact. same. body#im sorry but i cant forgive this...#still killing him over that one sbs answer on how he draws women#HES BRINGING DOWN THE BAR!!! I JUST CAUGHT MYSELF THINKING#'well as long as the female characters are treated better than oda treats them' NO!!!!!! WE CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS
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😇- What's their best trait?
👿- What's their worst trait?
for Tuesday and Chuu
“Miss Chuu’s best trait? Mmm… You said this is an interview for your retelling of the Warriors of Light and their journey, right? I’d say it’s her unshakeable resolve. She decides she’s going to do something, and she doesn’t give up until it’s done. Ah… I’m not allowed to speak more on Miss Chuu without her presence, my apologies, mister Levraut.”
“You broke into my house,”
“Your lovely wife let me in actually,”
“To wake me up from my nap and interrogate me on my assistant,”
“Interview, Mademoiselle, not interrogate. Though I am sorry for waking you, your eyes were open so I assumed-”
“Ah-ta-ta. You wanted to know Two’s best trait right? Adaptability. Any environment, any obstacle… he’s got brains enough to figure the way through most anything. And failing that? He knows a top notch engineer in Magitek to kit him with the right tools to overcome his few shortcomings. Hey wait did you fucking call me a mad gazelle, you lop-eared scab?!”
“Thank you for your time, both of you. I have just one more question before I consider this interview complete and I let you both go back to your.. erm, busy schedules. What would you say is each others weakest trait?”
“I knew it! This IS an interrogation! Two, don’t-”
“Ah, that would be Miss Chuu’s paranoia, mister Levraut. Most of her other traits net positive gain,”
“Watch your mouth, Two.”
“That is.. ah, her paranoid trait has served to pull her out of many situations she would have landed in had they not afforded her foresight and caution to approach most situations.”
“Two’s worst trait is how I just can’t seem to keep mad at him when he finds and exploits loopholes in whatever rules I’ve set for him. And last week I asked him to bring me lunch, and he was nowhere to be seen for nearly six bells.”
“… Miss Chuu, if I may, you were in Azys La, and you called me via Linkpearl to bring you specifically egg sandwiches from the Bismark, even utilizing the Aethernet it takes time… and when I arrived at your last marked location you were nowhere to be found.”
[Duo Oc Ask Meme !]
#I’ve been rotating this ALL day but I think this is relatively acceptable#id misunderstood the assignment right at first but my husband is v smart and cleared it up for me ahdbfcjdjcjddna#if I wrote non-dialogue with this it would take me a lot longer and way more words because I’d get caught up in the. all of it.#I have another one from this to chew on still but I’m trying to figure out the best pair up for the question cbdbfbdndns#And I also have a big lore question I’m still working on 🫣🫢 I took some screens for it today and I’m resisting doing a bunch of fiddly edits#because if I did I’d have to ask my friend to borrow one of the written alphabets he made up#and then I’d have to learn to write it and I just can’t make myself do that actually I’m just a wee frog#ffxiv Chuu#ffxiv Tuesday#ffxiv levraut#ffxiv Gears Duo#ffxiv Viera#ffxiv elezen#Levraut Manseauguel#Chuusday Gears#Tuesday Gears#please appreciate their faces in the last panel I was trying very hard to convey a particular vibe#and I only just realized I forgot to fix Chuu’s skirt#poor Lev is just trying to compile information for his novel about the adventure’s of the Warriors of Light and how they saved the world#as we know it like 15 times or something.#spawn speece#writing this was silly and fun ;v;’#ty for the ask 🫣💖 I hope I got this right in the end of it all#also sorry for the Christmas Colors my mental jury is out on if I enjoy it or not-#I gave Tuesday Blue finally in situations where it’s Chuu and Tue so it’s not green on green.#🤦 can you tell I played Mario Odyssey repeatedly#ask game
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*breathes in*
#Delete later??#Just venting lol#The bad Sparrow takes on this one are starting to be a lot ngl#Also the bad animal welfare takes?? Trying to hold myself back on that front cause that's not the kind of thing I wanna-#-argue with online strangers about. But like yikes is all.#Regarding Sparrow you will be hearing from me later. But mm not just yet- gotta cool down.#And arguing with the fandom again isn't how I planned to spend my day so I will be finishing S4 of tma like my heart desires#Debating on logging off? Mostly cause I don't want to unfollow certain people too impulsively. Mutuals that is.#Not really trying to throw shade with this either so sorry if it feels that way but ehh I'm grumpy ahaha#Always caught between “love the fandom it's so fun” and “fandom is genuinely ruining the podcast for me” smh#Anyhooooo#*breathes out*#Ooh I just saw some lightning there is still beauty in the world after all
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want a drink ? .-.
yes TT
#I know I haven't been responding much to messages#or posting anything#I'm just going through a bit of a hard time rn#I tried to distract myself from the trauma of the robbery#and bottle up my feelings#but my feelings have caught up to me#I might be going through a minor depression rn idk#I'm struggling to focus on anything or do anything other than playing Rain World#you actually sent that at the perfect time#everything came to a head today and I had a massive ✨autistic meltdown✨#bc I got really triggered#honestly my eyes still feel really dry#thank you#this actually helped a lot#sorry I'm talking too much
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Hanai epic throw back to home at the end of the Tosei game
#HANAI AZUSAAAA YOU ARE THE GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and izumi is also the guy like he caught it. he deserves creds too#izumi n hanai carry the outfield god forbid this ball landed in mizutani territory#sorry i just needed a clip of this. for myself. to be crazy
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