#sorry I didn't do all of them... this ask would be 10k words by the time I got through each character lmao

[flippinpancakes64]

Could you write the Cullen's accidentally hurting their SO and how they would react?? (I alr know Jasper's is about to be so angsty lol)

The Cullens accidentally hurting their S/O

I've literally been rubbing my hands together like an evil villain waiting to do this request. I saw it in my inbox and had to hold myself back lol. And yes, I cannot resist the temptation to make Jasper suffer, so be prepared

Edit I got so carried away. If I had a word count on these it might be like 10k lol sorry not sorry

And thank you for this request! This was so much fun to write lol I hope you enjoy it!

Also quick note I might have channeled a bit too much inspiration from Saw or something cause I ended up getting a bit too into my descriptions of the injuries so

TW for graphic depictions of violence

Edward:

You really wanted to go to this concert

Edward knew that, so as a birthday gift he bought you two tickets

One for you and one for him of course

He drove you to the stadium, studying the songs he was going to be hearing later that night

He bought everything that you looked at

You basically had your own merch table

The night was going great

You both found your seats, you were happily eating some overpriced stadium food, and the show was about to start

When a guy stood directly in front of you

The bad part about floor seats is that there aren't seats

The guy was easily 6'6, towering above you even if you are taller

Reading your thoughts, Edward tapped the guy on the shoulder, asking him if he would kindly move or crouch or something

He just looked, rolled his eyes, and stared forward again

"Dude, my partner can't see the show. Please just move a little"

"Don't care. Not my problem."

Edward's getting pissed, and the guy can tell

"What, you wanna fucking fight? Square up rich boy."

"No I don't want to fight I just want you to move a little"

"Okay, then maybe your partner here will fight instead"

And the next thing you know, you see the guy's huge fist heading straight for your head

Before it can land, Edward's hand pushes on your chest, sending you back into the people behind you and ending with you flat on the ground

Your back aches from the impact, your neck torqued from where your head whipped, and your cheek stinging from landing on the side of your face

You feel Edward's chill hands on the sides of your face, and faintly you hear him ask something frantically

You groan in pain as you feel him pick you up, and finally succumb to sleep

You wake up in Carlisle's clinic, staring at the white ceiling

A cold hand is wrapped around yours, and when you turn your head, you're greeted with bright gold eyes

No words are exchanged for a moment before you clear your throat

"So... did you at least rock that guy's shit?"

He laughs and kisses you

Alice:

Alice was having a terrible week

She had been getting vision after vision, and none of them were true

Everything from a huge motor accident to what color shoes someone at school was going to wear

It was constant

She was running in circles, going somewhere, seeing a vision, turning around to go somewhere else, seeing a vision, turning again, and on and on

She was currently driving

Or more like swerving

All you needed were some damn glue sticks for a project you needed to do

But every time Alice decided on a new destination, a vision of a horrible catastrophe would enter her mind, and she would change her course

You had enough

"Alice! Enough of this! Just pull over and let me drive!"

"No! I need to know the safest route... ugh! Everywhere is dangerous!"

"Name one vision you've had in the past week that actually came true."

"Well I don't know if they would have come true or not because I didn't go to those places. And look! We are perfectly fine! Everyone is fine!"

"But I don't have all night, Alice! Just choose a fucking store and go there!"

"Fine."

And so she did. She chose the small supermarket right outside of town

She looked nervous as soon as she placed the car in park

But you ignored it and walked in

You walked through the aisles, looking for the one thing you came here for, when you hear Alice gasp behind you

In her mind, she sees you tripping and falling into a display of DVDs, cutting your arm on one of the metal frames holding them in place

And straight in your path is the DVD case

So naturally she tries to grab you

Only she doesn't grab you, she accidentally pushes

You don't fall in her vision, just like how you didn't fall in real life

She was the one who hurt you, pushed you

That was the problem

The reason why there was a horrible disaster everywhere she tried to go was because she was going to cause something one way or another

Only this is worse, because now it involves you

The DVDs scatter, and she hears your cry of pain as the sharp, crooked metal frame pierces the skin of your arm

She is by your side in a moment, scooping you up and not even bothering with the mess you both left behind

On the way home, you are trying to convince her that it's not that bad, but she is beside herself

After Carlisle's inspection, you get a couple of stitches in your right bicep, but other than that you're perfectly fine

And Alice doesn't leave your side

She is constantly fussing

Asking if you're okay, if you need anything, if you're mad at her, if you want to leave her, if you blame her

But after you go to sleep and she watches over your peaceful form, she convinces herself that you're alright

Jasper:

It was spring break and the Cullens decided to go to one of Carlisle's many tropical properties

It was the third day of the trip, everybody went to do their own things

Alice, Esme, and Rosalie went into town to go souvenir shopping

They dragged Emmett along to be their personal bag carrier

Edward and Bella were down at the private beach that came with the property, enjoying the sun and relaxing

That left you, Jasper, and Carlisle

The three of you were at the attached pool on the house

Carlisle was marinating in the hot tub, sunglasses on and a book in his hands

You and Jasper were in the pool doing anything and everything

Diving, jumping, swimming, racing (he always won), and messing with the pool toys

You had just climbed up the stairs to get out of the pool again, intending on showing Jasper your graceful canonball

But he noticed you were walking a bit too fast

He saw you trip, and like slow motion he sprang out of the water to save you

Only he didn't

His arms wrapped around your middle, saving you from a possible twisted ankle or scraped knee or bruised butt

But that didn't stop the back of your head from smacking onto the concrete

White hot pain erupted behind your eyes and knocked you out instantly

Your blood began to seep onto the wet floor beneath you, and he couldn't help himself

Carlisle heard everything and got up immediately

But he didn't get there in time to stop Jasper from wrapping his mouth around your throat and biting down

In a flash Carlisle threw Jasper up and off of you, rocketing him into the water, and scooped you up to run inside

You awoke some hours later, a throbbing in your head and a dull pain in your neck

The beep of a heart monitor was all you heard

Looking around, you were in the room you shared with Jasper, where just the night before you wrapped around his cold body and drifted to sleep

Only he was nowhere to be seen

Carlisle came to check on you, and he told you what happened

"Where is he? Where's Jasper?"

"... He... left."

"What do you mean he left?"

"He almost killed you. He would have killed you if I wasn't there. He feels terrible- no. Terrible isn't strong enough of a word."

It takes Emmett and Edward tracking him down and dragging him home for you to see him again

And even then he insists on Edward and Emmett holding his arms in case he were to try anything

He looks so broken

Muted red eyes, golden blonde hair shooting in every direction, the same swim trunks he had been wearing that day were covered in dirt and blood- presumably yours

And his face

He looked on the verge of tears, he would have been crying if he could

If the dry heaves coming from deep in his chest were any indication

He flinches when you take his face in your hands, trying to get away, not wanting to hurt you more

But when he kisses you, he remembers why he tries so hard to be good in the first place

Rosalie:

You had been asking Rosalie for WEEKS if she would pleeeeeeease take you hunting with her

And she had been turning you down for weeks

It's a very gross, animalistic process that she, quite frankly, doesn't want you to see

But she loves you

And she is only so strong

So after so many begs, pleads, and puppy dog eyes, she caves

She decides to make it a cute little weekend trip

Taking you to one of Carlisle's properties farther north into the snowy mountain region

You settle in to the spacious cabin and Rosalie makes sure you're all bundled up in luxurious furs and warm scarves before you both venture into the wilderness

She explains what she's doing step-by-step while she sniffs the air, searching for her prey

A wolf because she's part of the "Fuck Jacob" team

She sits you in a clearing and tells you to stay in place while she finds her wolf

You do, finding a snowy log and brushing it off to sit on

She ventures into the forest, eventually finding a suitable wolf and beginning her hunt

Chasing the wolf, being chased by the wolf, until she eventually leads it to your clearing

She knows you'll love the theatrics of seeing her kill it in live action

She chases the beast all the way until it's about to clear the tree line before she pounces

She can imagine herself from your point of view

Bright, shiny skin, flowing hair, posed in midair, and finally coming down gracefully upon her prize

Except she doesn't

The wolf takes a quick turn at the last moment, sending her flying straight into you

There's not much she can do while suspended in flight, and it happens too fast for you to recognize

In an instant her whole body slams into you at full force, knocking both of you onto the powdery ground below

The grunt of pain you let out is excruciating

She rolls off of you quickly, holding onto you, asking if you're okay, if you're hurt

You try to put on a brave face, but when you move your left arm in an attempt to prop yourself up, you find you can't move it

Broken. Completely snapped. And you scream

She paces in Carlisle's home clinic while he puts your cast on, worried out of her mind

But when Carlisle opens the door and she sees you sitting on the table with a goofy grin and a bright red cast, she can't help but relax

"You said red was your favorite color, right?"

And she just kisses you

Emmett:

You'd been dating Emmett for a while now, and had decided it was time for him to meet your family

And what better time and place for a first meeting than your nephew's fourth birthday party?

It was the middle of August, and the sun was hot

The icing was melting off of the cake as it sat on the food table

All of the adults were drinking margaritas and the kids had decided to play with the water balloons to cool off

Your uncle and Emmett were filling up the balloons as all of the kids at the party talked excitedly

You laughed as your nephew came up to you and asked you to be on his team for the fight

Of course you couldn't say no

And of course, to even the playing field, the other team got to have your human tank of a boyfriend

Very even

Emmett just smirked at you as your uncle assumed his place as the referee and commenced the battle

Pink, blue, green, yellow, and red balloons were flying like crazy

Small party hats were knocked off of even smaller heads

The giggles of 20 little kids rang loud in the air as water spurted all over the grassy lawn

And you took your chance to pelt your boyfriend as hard as you could

His light blue shirt was soaked, and his khaki shorts had a huge wet spot on the front

You were doubled over in laughter at the sight of your scary boyfriend covered in little pieces of rubber, with one particularly large piece hanging off of his ear

But he hadn't thrown any at you yet

"Come on, big guy! Don't be a wussy!"

"Oh you asked for it now!"

You saw him grab a little pink water balloon, it looking even smaller in his hand, and he threw it straight at your head

You briefly wonder if he filled his balloon with cement

The next thing you know you're laying in bed, an ice pack perched on your forehead

"Oh my god, you're awake. I'm so sorry, baby. I didn't mean to, you know how I get out of control sometimes. Not that that's an excuse! I'm just trying to explain-"

You cut him off with a finger to his lips

"Shush... .'m tired"

And so he just lets you sleep the rest of the night, his hand in yours the whole time

Esme:

Frankly, she doesn't know why you asked for her help

The Cullens had just moved into their newest house, and everything was set for the "kids" to join the local highschool the next day

You wanted a new look

"New place, new people, new me" you had said

She understood that much

But when you approached her one night with a box of hair bleach and a pleading look on your face, she was lost

Why her? Why not Alice or Rosalie? Or- and hear me out- a professional? They had the money

But you wanted to do it yourself. But not actually yourself For some reason you wanted Esme to do it

And even though she didn't understand, she still agreed

So that's how she found herself closely studying the instructions on the back of the little box telling her what to mix and where

"What's taking so long?"

"Hold on... ugh! This thing doesn't make any sense!"

"It's okay I'm sure it's super simple. I mean they give you all of the stuff. Just mix it all together and slap it on my head!"

Bad idea

She mixes everything together just like you asked, and plops a big lump of it onto the crown of your head

Instantly your hair starts smoking

You scream, asking her to take it off

And she tries, but it's not working

Carlisle to the rescue once more

She is so apologetic

She feels so bad that she hurt you so much

And at least you did get that new look you wanted

Shaved-to-the-skin bald

Carlisle:

He was feeling a bit cooped up

He loves his family, and he loves his life in the Americas, but sometimes he misses traveling and his old friends

So he decided to take you with him to Europe to see some old pals

Not the Volturi obviously

But some other acquaintances he hadn't seen for a while

You were a month into the three-month trip Carlisle had planned

You'd visited Italy, Greece, Spain, France, Britain, and were on your way to Germany

This next friend you were on your way to visit was a man named Friedrich Hans

Carlisle spoke passively about him, nothing positive or negative

He was one of the ones he hadn't been able to contact beforehand about visiting

He wasn't even sure if Friedrich was still alive, or if he even lived in Germany

He wasn't betting on either, but he still figured he would try a visit

The taxi pulled up in front of an unassuming house on a busy street in Berlin, painted a light grey with black paneling around the windows and doors

Carlisle opened your door for you, extending a hand to help you out

He walked with you to the door, rapping his knuckles against the solid wood

Instantly it creaked open and a voice inside whispered "Perfect" before a pale, veiny hand reached out and grabbed your arm

You yelled for it to let you go, begging Carlisle for some help

He grabbed you around the waist with one arm, using the other to try to pry the man's hand from your wrist

The opposing forces splintered on your bones and a sickening crack ran through your arm

Your hand fell limp and Carlisle was finally able to pry you away from the force in the house

"Ah... Carlisle... old friend"

"Old friend? You just tried to kill my S/O!"

"S/O... you always were a weird one Mr. Cullen... sincerest apologies... come in for chat?"

"No thank you, I believe we will be taking our leave now."

And with that he rushed you to the nearest hospital

He didn't have his medical equipment, so he just pretended to not know German so they wouldn't ask questions about how you broke your wrist

He cuts the trip short then and there

He sends letters to all of his friends that he wasn't able to visit, explaining that something urgent came up

He is so apologetic for the weeks afterward

He is convinced it was his fault even though it wasn't

He doesn't relax until your cast is off btw

Vampire! Bella:

Since she's so new to the vampire life, she doesn't know her own limits yet

She has hurt you a lot in the past

All accidents of course

Hugging you too hard, punching you playfully on the shoulder, telling you to catch something and literally lobbing it as hard as she can

She always feels terrible afterwards

But the worst was the time you took her bowling

It was 10 am on a Tuesday and there was no one at the bowling alley

Not even the competitive grandmas and grandpas in their bowling leagues

The only other person in the building was the bored looking cashier who wasn't even trying to hide that he was on his phone behind the counter

You both took your time to pick your balls, trying out all of the ones on the rack to see your best fits

You laced up your ugly shoes, input your names on the scoreboard screen and off you went

It was fun for the first couple of turns

Until the ball return does that stupid thing where it doesn't actually return your ball

It's your turn, and you're standing at the ball return tapping your foot restlessly waiting for it to show up

"You know, you can just use mine"

Bella stands up and grabs the ball she chose

The resin was a beautiful mix of black, purple, and pink with some reflective glitter sprinkled throughout

It's so gorgeous that you don't even check the weight

You hold out your hands to take it and it just drops straight through

And directly onto your foot

You let out a loud scream and try to move, but the ball won't roll off of your foot

Bella starts panicking, asking what she should do, scrambling around until eventually she picks up the ball and throws it onto the ground behind her

Maybe she forgot that the cashier was there, or maybe she didn't care, but she picked you up and started sprinting at full speed back to the Cullen house

She even left the car at the alley smh

On the verge of inconsolable

She is so frustrated that she can't learn to control herself

Doesn't leave your side tho

Note: Just for shits and gigs I timed how long this took me

Started at 12:01 am

Jasper done at 12:21 am

Edward done at 12:40 am

Alice done at 12:56 am

Rosalie done at 1:19 am

Emmett done at 1:33 am

Esme done at 1:44 am

Carlisle done at 2:03 am

Bella done at 2:16 am

Total time 2 hrs 15 mins

[ihave-atummyache]

thighs

Stray Kids Imagine

summary: we all love a good set of thighs, let’s be honest here.

18+!! nsfw!! (smut/suggestive)

-OT8

10k words (guess who got carried away again…. especially with felix’s)

Bang Chan:

"Hey, cutie. Can I buy you a drink?"

You can't stop the smile that forms on your face when you hear your boyfriend's voice. You turn and lock eyes with his pretty chocolate ones.

"Sorry, sir. I have a boyfriend," you smile before turning back to face the other way, letting your elbow rest in the bar.

"What a lucky guy. I would kill to be in his shoes," Chan walks around your body and places his hands on your knees, turning you so your back is to the bar.

"I think I'm the lucky one," your smile grows as you sit your drink down on the bar and wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you. He leans down and presses a quick kiss to your nose before standing back up and looking over your shoulder. Chan orders himself a drink and another one of your drinks before making eye contact with you again.

"You look so pretty. I love this dress," He comments, his eyes darting down and stopping on your cleavage then continuing until he can focus on your exposed thighs. He lets out a low hum, barely audible over the music, and his hands begin to gently knead at your thighs, just above your knee.

"Mhm. You love the dress or do you love what the dress is showing?" You tease and a small smirk forms on his lips.

"Am I allowed to say both?" He asks but before you can respond, his hands creep up a little further and he takes a step forward. You instinctively let your legs open and he settles between them.

"Here you go sir. Open or closed tab?" you turn to face the bartender. Your boyfriend glances down at you quickly then looks back up at the bartender again.

"Close it. I don't think we'll be here long," Chan replies and you reach into his pocket, pulling out his wallet and handing it to him. A habit that you developed a while ago and still gives Chan butterflies to this day. Chan grabs his card from his wallet and hands it to the bartender before letting his hands find your thighs again, a little higher than they just were, now resting on the hem of your short dress.

"Mm. Don't go reaching into my pockets when I'm hard, princess," his words cause you to choke on your drink slightly, letting out a small cough and looking up at your boyfriend but he is completely focused on the bartender like he didn't just let such a vulgar sentence leave his lips.

You let your fingers find their way into his belt loops and pull him closer to you, making his hand creep under your dress and sit on your upper thighs. He was only a few inches away from where you needed him most and his eyes dart to yours again before he removes both hands from you and leans over to sign his tab and get his card.

He cages you against the bar while he signs, an arm on either side of you which exposes his bare neck and collarbones to you. You can't help yourself and lean forward, pressing a kiss to the exposed skin. You can't hear him chuckle but you can feel the low vibration in his chest. When he leans back, you can see the faint marks of your lipstick left on his smooth skin.

His hands return under your dress, even closer to your dripping core but still not quite touching you were you want.

"Finish you drink, my love. Looks like we need to leave since you don't know how to behave," he scolds you and you lean back, resting your elbows on the bar behind you. You drink in one hand and the other one playing with your straw.

"You started it, Chris," you tease. He lets out another chuckle and raises his eyebrows at you.

"Oh? And how did I do that? By touching your knees?" He prompts you and you open your mouth to say yes but realize how embarrassing it is when he put it like that. A blush quickly makes its way up your neck and your face. Had your boyfriend gripping your knees really got you this hot and bothered?

Yes.

"Or was it when I was touching your pretty thighs?" You inquires and you chew on your lip. Honestly, it started with the knee touch and just got worse from there. It isn't your fault that your boyfriend is so irresistible!

"Well when you put it like that..." You trail off and let your eyes focus on the mark left on his collarbone. He leans towards you to force you to make eye contact with him. His hands creep even further and his thumb presses against your clothed clit. A sharp inhale on your lips at the contact.

"It's okay. I've been hard since I saw you in this dress before we left the house," he confesses and leans forward, his lips brushing the shell of your ear.

"So wet for me. All these people around us and your body is still begging me to fuck you," he speaks lowly into your ear, his deep voice sending chills all over your body. His thumb circles your clit slowly and he press a kiss to your jawline.

Your hips try to buck against him but the grip that his other hand has on your thigh prevents you from moving too much. He is making it so that others don't know what you're doing but he also wants to remain in control.

"Channie," you mewl out and he groans at the nickname. His hand that isn't playing with your pussy leaves your thigh and tilts your drink up to your lips.

"Drink up. I think I know a better way to spend the rest of our night," he smirks and butterflies of anticipation erupt in your stomach.

Lee Know:

His thighs are so pretty. When he sits in those shorts on the couch next you and the fabric creeps up his legs, you have to control your breathing. The whole look on its own was enough to get you going. The backwards hat, the glasses, the tank top, and those damn shorts.

"You're pretty," you mumble out, a little blush creeping up your neck. Minho turns to face you and flashes you a smirk before leaning in and pressing his lips to yours quickly.

"You're prettier," he replies and sits back against the couch again, his legs opening a bit more which makes the shorts inch up ever so slightly again and you have to tear your eyes away from the flesh before you lose your self control.

"Come here. Why are you so far away?" Your boyfriend puts his arm across the back of the couch, inviting you into his side. You immediately scoot over, resting your arm on his leg. The tips of your fingers just barely touching the exposed skin. You let out a sigh, pressing your legs together, and dropping your head to his shoulder.

"You can touch them," he breaks the silence and you turn your head to look at him, a bit confused.

"My thighs. I see you looking. You don't have to ask. This body belongs to you more than it belongs to me," he confesses and you bite down on your lip before letting your hand move to rest on his exposed inner thigh. He lets out a shaky sigh at the contact.

"You really are so pretty," you admit again letting your hand slide up and down his thigh. You can't ignore the tent growing in his pants and stand, dropping in between his thighs on the couch in front of him instead.

You sit back on your knees and let your hands slide up higher on his thighs, making their way inside of his shorts and you squeeze the muscles gently, making a deep noise leave Minho's throat.

"Stop with the teasing," his voice is dripping with authority but you can't help but notice the slight shake in it, making you smirk. He's pretending he's the one in charge, but you both know he's putty in your hands right now.

"I'm not teasing," you lean forward and press a kiss on his inner thigh, just above his knee, "I'm admiring," you make eye contact with him before letting your tongue lick a stripe up his inner thigh. His head falls back and you use the opportunity to finally gently palm him through his pants, making a sharp hiss leave his mouth while he subconsciously bucks up into your hand slightly.

You wrap your hand around the waist band of his shorts and he lifts his hips, allowing you to pull his shorts and underwear off in one smooth motion and exposing the entirety of his thighs to you, and his rock hard cock.

You pull back again to take in the sight in front of you. It was like something out of a fairytale. A flush Minho looking down at you while his hands grip tightly onto the cushion on either side of him. You rest your hands on his thighs again and rub them up the newly exposed skin.

Goosebumps spring up across his legs and and his thighs tense, making them look even better.

"Fuck. You're so pretty," you breathe out once more and Minho's patience is wearing quite thin at this point. His hand finds its way into your hair and he threads it into your locks, pulling you closer to his exposed cock.

"Can you blow me now, my sweet girl?" He asks and you let your tongue creep out, gently licking his throbbing head. His grip in your hair tightens, as does the grip on his thighs before you're swallowing him into your mouth.

"Fuck. That's right, baby. Just like that, y/n," the way your name rolls from his lips is like music to your ears and you swallow him into your throat more before pulling off of him with a pop and biting gently into his exposed thigh next to your hand.

He lets out what can only be described as a yelp and his eyes snap open to look down at you. You make eye contact, your eyes big and sweet and innocent like you didn't just surely leave a mark on him.

"That's it," his grip in your hair tightens and he stands, bringing you to your feet as well. He leans down into you and you think for a second he's going to kiss you but he instead kisses your jawline a few times before sitting back down, grabbing your shorts on the way down and exposing your bottom half.

He grabs the back of your thighs and pulls you forward, making you stumble until you're straddling one of his thighs.

"I hope you can make yourself cum," he grips your hips and pushes you down until your wet cunt is against his bare thigh. The friction alone is enough to make you let out a deep moan. He starts to guide your hips back and forth against his thigh, making pleasure shoot throughout your body before he moves his hands and folds them behind his head.

Your eyes snap open and you're met with the most smug look you have ever seen on his face.

"I said I hope you can make yourself cum. I know I can make you cum," he looks down at the trail of slick that you have left on his thigh then looks back up at you.

"Be a good girl and get yourself off on my leg," he commands.

Changbin-

You hear your boyfriend before you see him. The front door swings open and shut and then a long groan. Then silence. Which is quite unusual for your typically loud boyfriend. He usually announces his presence as soon as he crosses the threshold.

"Bin?" You call out, standing from the couch. You only receive another groan from him as you round the corner. He is leaning against the door, his shoes still on and all his bags in his hands. His eyes open when he notices your footsteps approaching him.

"I've never been this sore in my life. My legs feel like they might actually fall off," he gives you an explanation before you can even ask him what's wrong.

"Aww. Poor baby. I'll run you a bath. How does that sound?" You ask and walk over to him, letting your arms wrap around his neck.

"It sounds like it would make you my favorite person in the world," he replies, a small smile creeping onto his face.

"I thought I already was your favorite person in the world," you tease and lean forward, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. His hands wrap around your waist, not letting you walk away.

"Favorite person in the universe,"

"You have an alien that you like more than me? Is there something I should know about?" You joke again and a chuckle leaves his mouth. You tap his dimple gently with your index finger before pulling away and forcing his arms off of you.

"Okay. Take your clothes off and I'll go turn the bath on," You assure him and start to walk away.

"I love when you talk dirty to me," he jokes and you shake your head, letting a laugh leave your mouth as you reach the bathroom. You turn the water in the tub on and grab some epsom salt along with some lavender to add into the bath. You light a lavender candle to help him relax further and by the time it is all set up, your boyfriend has trudged his half naked body into the bathroom.

"I don't think you can bathe in those," you motion to his boxers hugging his thighs and he lets out a sigh, his lips falling into a pout.

"It hurts to bend over. Help me?" He asks, tone innocent and very sweet but you gulp nonetheless. Just seeing your boyfriend in a tank top sends your mind reeling. Seeing him naked and you’re the one getting him naked? Short circuiting.

"Of course, my love," your voice isn't much higher than a whisper and you take a step closer to him, hooking your fingers into the band of his boxers and guiding them down his legs. He steps out of them and you grip onto his thighs to pull yourself back up to standing.

You feel how tight his muscles are and he lets out a hiss at the pressure. His muscles are super tight and you can tell he isn't exaggerating about being sore. Between practice and him still making time for the gym, his body is wearing down.

"Binnie, you have got to let your body rest. You'll hurt yourself," you stand and make eye contact with him but he shyly looks away at your scolding. He can't even defend himself because he knows that you're right.

"Get in," You command and he quickly obeys. He steps into the bath and slowly sinks in. As soon as he settles into the tub, a long sigh leaves his lips.

"Temperature okay?" You question, leaning down and putting your hand in the water to test the temperature again.

"It's perfect. You're perfect. I love you," Changbin rambles out, obviously very appreciative of you. You smile and lean down, pressing a kiss into the top of his head.

"Mhm. I love you more. What do you want for dinner?" you start to inch towards the door and Changbin's eyes snap open.

"You aren't going to join me?" He asks and that pout is right back on his lips. He really knows how to get his way.

"I want you to be able to stretch out. I don't want to impede on your bath time," you smile and he immediately shakes his head at you.

"I think I would feel better much faster if you got in with me," he nods, as if he's agreeing with himself and you shake your head, letting out a chuckle.

"If you insist," you throw your arms up in defeat and walk towards the tub, pulling your top off.

"I do," he replies and watches as you undress. You step into the bath and settle between your boyfriend's legs with your back against his chest. It is a decent sized circle tub and you have enough room to sit comfortably.

Changbin's legs are bent on either side of you and you can't help resting your hands on his tense thighs. You start to gently rub up and down, just your fingertips running up and down the muscles. When you notice his muscles beginning to relax under your touch, you slowly apply more and more pressure until you are fully massaging his thighs.

You bite down on your lip at the sounds leaving your boyfriend's mouth. He is letting out deep groans at the magic of your fingers and you can feel his breath on the back of your neck which isn't helping with your oncoming arousal.

You realize it isn't just you feeling hot and bothered when he adjusts behind you and you very clearly feel his hard on pressing into your back.

"Are you hard?" you break the silence and he chuckles, letting his hand drop into the water and wrap around your stomach.

"Are you wet?" he rebuttals.

"We both are. We're in the bathtub," you knew what he meant and the answer is yes but you don't want to give him that satisfaction. He chuckles again, his breath moving the hair at the base of your neck.

"You know what I mean. And I can't help it. The way you're rubbing on me and having your bare skin pressed up against me..." he trails off, his hands rubbing across your stomach and ribs, gently grazing your chest.

"You're so obsessed with me," you tease and let one of your hands trail down his thigh. You move your body to lean to one side and grip onto his hard cock under the water. He lets out a breath of relief at the contact.

"I am. Who wouldn't be?" his voice is shaky and you start to stroke him slowly under the water. His hips try to buck up into your hand but the way you're leaning on him is almost pinning him down.

"Faster, baby," he commands and you shake your head, keeping the same steady pace.

"I'm just trying to help you relax, baby. Let me take my time," you insist. His hand finally leaves your stomach and he brings it to your chin, turning your head to face him and pushed his lips against yours.

The kiss is sloppy and needy. The angle is a bit awkward but it just adds to your arousal, knowing how bad he wants your lips. He groans into your mouth when you start to speed up, finally granting his wish. When his breathing starts to pick up and you feel him twitch in your hand, you stop.

"Why did you stop? I was so close," he complains, his lips brushing yours as he speaks.

"I don't want you making a mess in the bath water," you smirk and he groans, obviously annoyed with your antics. His hands grip on to your thighs and he hoists you up with ease, closing his legs and holding you only inches above his hard cock.

"Let me make a mess inside you instead," his voice rumbles into your ear and you let out a long moan as he slowly lowers you onto his cock.

Hyunjin-

“Hi, my pretty,” you look up from your phone as your boyfriend towel dries his hair in the doorway. His pajama pants are low on his hips and he still has drips on his chest from his shower. You notice as they trail down his neck to his chest then his toned stomach before they disappear at the band of his pants.

“Hi,” you speak out quietly and put your phone down. You reach your hands out towards him and he walks over to you, dropping the towel on the floor on his way. He kneels on the bed in front of you and you open your legs so he can wedge bis body between them.

You arch your back while he wraps his arms around you and settles into your neck. One of your hands wraps around his shoulder and the other threads through his damp hair.

“Don’t fall asleep while your hair is still damp, love,” you speak quietly and he nods into your neck, pressing a kiss to your collarbone.

“How was practice?” You whisper out. You had gotten home before Hyunjin and taken a shower. You were on the couch when Hyunjin got home. He came and gave you a quick peck and a greeting before beelining to the shower. He often makes it a priority to shower after a hard practice before he greets you properly.

“Long. But good. How was work?” He mumbles into your neck, his breath making goosebumps rise on your skin. You shrug and he sits up, resting his elbows on either side of your stomach to look at you properly.

“Nothing new,” you add on and he nods before leaning down and resting his chin on your stomach. You reach down and brush a strand of hair away from his face. His eyes close and he leans into your touch.

“How do you look so good all the time?” you speak out and a shy smile covers his face as his eyes open again. He sits all the way up on his knees and looks down at you.

“That’s what I always ask myself about you,” he comments and you smile back at him, a blush making its way to your face. His hands rest on your knees and he slowly slides them down your shins and feet before sliding them back up to your knees then down your thighs.

He stops along the way, thumbing at the faint red, purple, and yellow marks on each thigh. You let out a noise of discomfort at the pressure on some of them. Some are a bit sore and others are completely unnoticeable.

“My artwork is fading,” he breaths out and leans down, pressing a kiss to your knee. You nod in agreement but dont let any words leave your mouth. Your boyfriend sits up and slides himself closer to you so your thighs are on either side of his hips and his growing hard on is pressed against your core, making you let out a moan at the pressure.

“So pretty under me like this, my angel. You know that don’t you?” he asks and you bite down on your lip. His hand makes its way to your jawline and his thumb gently removes your lip from between your teeth before he’s leaning down and putting his lips against your own.

You part your lips to accept his tongue into your mouth and he pushes it in immediately. Your arms make their way around his neck and you pull him closer, deepening the kiss. His body collapses on top of yours and he grinds his hips lazily into you.

You swallow each other’s moans and you bite down gently on his lip when he starts to pull away. He licks over his own lip once you let go and dips back down to your jaw, placing a wet kiss there.

His slowly trails his kisses over to your exposed shoulder. The oversized shirt you had on exposed one of your shoulders and he uses this to his advantage to tease you. He kisses down the top of your shoulder then kisses back up to your clavicle. His hands find the hem of your shirt and he pushed it up to your chin, exposing your chest to him.

He dips down quickly and take one of your nipples into his mouth. You arch into his lips and tangle your fingers into his hair, tugging gently. He groans against your chest which mixes nicely with your own moans that are echoing through the room.

He trails his kisses down your stomach,and stops at the band of your panties. He grabs the band with his teeth and releases, letting the elastic snap back into your skin and causing you to jump.

“Jinnie…” you warn and he lets out a deep chuckle, glancing up at you again.

“May I?” He asks, grabbing either side of the hips on your panties. You nod and he places a kiss on the inside of your right thigh and gently nips the inside of your left thigh, making a moan croak out of your throat.

He drags your panties down your thighs and notices how wet you are. He wiggles the panties down the rest of your thighs and when the crotch touches your skin, it leave a wet mark. He pushes them off of one leg and lets them settle around your ankle, allowing you to kick them off yourself.

Hyunjin can’t help himself and bends down, licking the wet patch and moaning at the taste of you. He licks your wetness off your thigh before sucking harshly in the same spot and pulling back. He only sucks for a few seconds but the deep purple mark started to come up immediately. He runs his thumb over his work, a smirk on his face.

“So pretty,” he mumbles, more to himself than you. He settles down onto his stomach and grabs the back of both of your thighs, pushing them to either side of your chest and immediately dips his tongue down, collecting your wetness from your hole. He lets another moan out and the vibration sends chills over your body.

He sits up slightly and bites down on the flesh where your thigh meets your ass, leaving teeth marks and then soothing the skin with his tongue.

Hyunjin loves to leave marks on you. Evidence that you are his, but he also doesn’t want to be obvious. He opts to mark you in places that nobody has access to except the two of you.

“I love seeing your marks on me,” you speak up, snapping him out of his thoughts and making him realize that he had mindlessly been leaving hickeys and bites all over the back of your thighs.

“Mhm. Me too. You’re mine.” he states and dips back down to suck on your clit. His grip on the back of your thighs tightens when you try to close your legs, keeping them pushed to your chest so he can have full access to you.

“Make me cum, baby. Please,” you find yourself begging him. You place your hands on top of his on your thighs and he obeys, licking you exactly how he knows will send you over the edge until you’re cumming so hard you see stars.

Hyunjin lowers your legs and sits your feet on the bed but they feel like jelly and your legs fall open, which just gives him better access to your inner thighs. He immediately starts sucking on the flesh as you continue to try to calm your breathing.

By the time you’re back on earth, he has sucked three or four hickeys into either one of your inner thighs. You know your legs are going to be covered in bruises in the morning but you really couldn’t care less.

“Are you going to fuck me or what?” you taunt, your voice hoarse from moaning and then going silent for the past few minutes. Hyunjin glances up at you, his tongue gliding over one of the bruises.

“Welcome back. Of course I’ll fuck you. Anything you want, princess,” he assures you, a smirk making its way to his face.

Han-

“I have had the most stressful day,” Jisung mumbles from the other side of the phone. You can’t help letting out a soft chuckle.

“Well, hello to you too,” you tease and he lets out a half hearted chuckle before you continue, “Want to come over?” you offer, hoping maybe you can bribe him into relaxation.

“I would love to but I need to finish this track first. I think the best remedy for this day would be having your thighs on either side of my head,” Jisung sighs and you nearly choke on air.

“Han Jisung!” you scold, your entire body heating up at his words. He does this often. Jisung has a way with words and uses it to his advantage to fluster you or just turn you on. It always works and he knows it always does.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m just being honest. But I’m about to step into the studio. I’ll probably leave here around 9 and I’ll come straight to your house afterwards, okay?” he asks and you hear a door open in the background. You glance over at the clock and note that it is only 5:58, meaning there was probably three and a half hours between now and you finally seeing your boyfriend. You let out a sigh.

“I guess so. I wish you could come sooner though,” you whine out and he laughs again. You hear him sit down and can hear the familiar squeak of his favorite chair in the producing studio. He tends to rock back and forth in the chair and the sound of the squeak in engraved in your brain.

“I know. Me too. I love you, baby,” you can hear his smile on the other side.

“I know,” you tease and he lets out a exaggerated gasp.

“Kidding! I love you most, Sungie,” you make a kissing sound over the phone and he does the same before he hangs up to dive into his work. You get on your phone and start scrolling through social media for a while.

You eventually get bored and put your phone down, standing to walk to the fridge. You pull out a water bottle and lean against the counter, chugging a good bit and staring off into space. You catch yourself tapping your fingers against the bottle then look over your shoulder at the oven clock.

6:18.

You let out a groan and push yourself off the counter. You pace for a little bit before an idea pops into your mind. The likelihood of your boyfriend having had a good meal for dinner is slim to none. You grab your phone and open the internet app and looking up you two’s favorite restaurant. You click the number and place your and Jisung’s order before grabbing your wallet and keys and heading to the restaurant and then to the company.

“I’m here for Hannie,” you smile at the familiar receptionist and she greets you with a warm smile. She hands you your pass and buzzes you in.

“He’s in his office,” she jokes and you laugh. The studio really is his office with the way he spends time there.

“Thank you!” You smile again at her before stepping into the elevator and making your way to Jisung’s ‘office’. You tap gently on the door a few times before letting yourself in. Jisung doesn’t turn to face you, likely assuming its one of the boys. You place the food down on the table and walk over to him at the desk.

You throw your arm around his shoulder and lean down, pulling the headphone from his ear.

“Hi, baby,” you mumble and his head immediately turns to face you, very surprised to see you in the flesh when he was not expecting you.

“Y/n? What are you doing here,” he smiles and turns the chair so you’re standing between his legs. His hands grip the back of your thighs and rub up your ass, squeezing gently.

“I brought you dinner and I missed you,” you smile, pushing his hair back from his face. He smiles up at you and you lean down, pressing a kiss to his lips.

“You’re perfect,” he grins up at you before pressing a kiss to your lower stomach and then to either of your hips.

“Mm. I love these leggings on you,” his voice is deep and quiet while his hands run back down the back of your thighs. He slides his hands around your thighs and lets them run up the front of your thighs, stopping at your hips.

His thumbs rub over your groin gently and you feel your heart begin to race at the simple gesture.

“What did you bring to eat?” he questions and you swallow, trying to keep the dryness from your mouth.

“Same old,” you whisper out and he hums in response again, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to your pubic bone.

“Can I have dessert first?” he asks and your eyebrows drop into a furrow at his question.

“I didn’t bring any dessert?” You question, confused. Jisung leans forward again and places a strategic kiss right on your clit, making your body jump at the contact.

“You always have dessert on you, baby,” he smirks up at you before hooking his thumbs into your leggings and pulling them down your thighs. He drops to his knees as he gets to your ankles and has you step out of your leggings. When he sits up on his knees again, he’s face to face with your bare cunt.

“Lemme get these pretty thighs around my head. That’s what I promised, isn’t it?” he questions and demands at the same time. He turns you and guides you to sit in the chair, a squeak echoing through the studio.

He pries your thighs apart and literally licks his lips at the sight in front of him. Your hand instinctively makes its way into his hair and he wastes no more time, licking a stripe up your wet pussy. Your legs clamp shut around his head and he groans against your core, pulling your legs to rest on either of his shoulders and wrapping his arms around your thighs, kneading the flesh softly before he dive back in.

“Fuck, Jisung,” you whimper out and he moans against you as you approach your high. He continues to suck at the same pace as you go tumbling over the edge, eyes rolling back into your head. He licks you through it until you’re twitching from the overstimulation. When he pulls back, his chin is glistening with spit and your own arousal.

“Mm. I think you ruined my favorite chair,” he complains as you try to catch your breath again.

“Not my fault,” you breathe out and finally look down at Jisung. He places a kiss to your thigh and they tighten around his head again, making him groan.

“I’m still stressed. I think I need to do that a few more times and I’ll be fine,” he nods at you and you blink at him a few times.

“The food will get cold…” you trail off but the promise of another orgasm has you biting down on your lip.

“I got all I could ever want to eat right here,” he mumbles and leans down to begin eating you out again.

Felix-

"Are you sure its okay if I come?" You ask Felix on video call for the millionth time. You hear him let out a laugh from where he's set up on your desk while you dig through your drawer.

"Yes, y/n. Chris said, and I quote, 'see if y/n wants to come. I would love to see her in a bathing suit' end quote," he laughs again when you groan and throw your head into your hands.

You have to admit that Chris is quite attractive but he'll never do it for you like Felix does. But, Felix is your best friend. You can't have feelings for your best friend.

"They'll all be happy to see you. Especially in a bikini. It's just a pool. It'll be fun. I think Innie is bringing a few of his friends too," he explains and you nod, although he can barely see you.

"Ahh. Found you," you mumble to yourself and pull out your favorite red bikini. It's nothing special but it is one of those tops with the v-underwire so it makes the girls look good.

"Is this okay?" you hold the bathing suit up and you don't notice the way Felix gulps. Gulps because he's imaging how you look, gulps because he's wondering how he's going to be okay with knowing all the boys are looking at you, gulps because he's already getting hard and hasn't even seen you in it yet.

"Perfect. I love when you wear red," he compliments you and you smile, a small unnoticeable warmth to your cheeks.

"Thanks, Lixie. I'll be over in like 20 minutes. Okay?" you ask as you walk over to the phone and pick it up. He nods in response and you blow him a kiss, the same routine as always, before hanging up and getting changed.

Once you get to the house that they are staying in, there is a good amount of people already there. Seems like everyone brought a plus one or two so Felix really was right about you being okay to come.

"Lix!" You call out to him when you step out of the house and into the backyard. His head turn's immediately from where he is sitting on the edge of the pool and your breath catches in your throat at the sight in front of you. You have seen Felix shirtless a thousand times but this is the first time you've seen him shirtless since they got back from tour.

To say he looks good would be an understatement.

You tear your eyes away from his chest and torso once you notice how close he's coming to you and don't want to get caught.

"Finally! Come get in the water with me. Nobody else will!" he grabs your wrist and drags you over to the chair that his shirt is laying on.

"Okay, okay. Let me get myself together," you giggle out and he sits down in the chair waiting for you. You sit your bag down in his lap and take your T-shirt off followed my your jean shorts and place them into the bag in his lap then kick your shoes off.

Now it's Felix's turn to gawk. He has never seen you so... bare before. Never in a bathing suit and never in anything that accentuated you so perfectly.

"You'll catch a fly," you tease and push his jaw closed with one finger. You're teasing him but your heart is racing.

"Come on," he commands and stands, moving his t shirt from the chair into your bag and instead of pulling your wrist to guide you back to the pool, he places a hand on the small of your back. It's a simple gesture but it still send electricity all over your entire body.

The water seems quite cold with all the extra heat radiating through your body at Felix's presence. The two of you getting into the water seemed to encourage a good amount of other people to also get in. You quickly get dragged away by Jeongin and he introduces you to some of his friends.

“Who is this?” Felix’s voice reaches you and you turn away from the conversation with Jeongin’s friend as he approaches you two. You’re sat on the bench thats in the pool and the guy is standing in front of you. Honestly, he’s pretty cool and quite obviously flirting with you so you may have been giggling a bit harder than usual.

“Oh this is Innie’s friend!” You smile out to Felix and he slides onto the bench next to you, making you scoot over to make room for him. They introduce themselves and shake hands before Felix drops his hand under the water and places it just above your knee.

Felix has his hand on your thigh.

You feel your body stiffen up and it feels like there is cotton in your ears as your brain and heart both begin to race. You feel a light tap on your thigh under the water and snap out of your trance to turn and face Felix.

“You okay?” He has concern laced in his voice and you nod quickly, trying to catch your breath.

“Y-yeah. I think I want to go lay out for a little bit,” you reassure him and start to move towards the stairs.

“Mind if I join you?” Felix speaks up before I.N’s friend can and you turn with a smile on your face.

“Of course not. Come on,” you hold out your hand and Felix takes it quickly as you walk out of the water. He doesn’t let go of your hand until you reach the chair with your bag on it. He drags another chair over and sits it next to the chair you’re beginning to settle on.

“This weather is so nice,” you comment and let your eyes fall closed, pulling your knees up. You feel a hand settle on your knee and don’t have to open your eyes to recognize it to be your best friend.

Felix is always touchy. We all know this. For some reason, he seems to be being extra touchy, even for Felix. He probably doesn’t even realize how much of an effect it is having on your mind and body.

Felix shifts up in the chair and his hand slides down slightly, the only thing stopping him from making contact with your wet, from the pool and other things, bathing suit is where your thighs are touching.

“I’m glad you could come,” Felix’s voice is soft and you nod in agreement, muttering out a quiet ‘me too’ and letting your body relax. The relaxation results in your legs falling open a little further and Felix’s hand slides down even more making your breath hitch in your throat.

“Do you want to go get something to drink?” Felix suddenly asks and you nod again, unsure if he is even looking because your eyes are still screwed shut. You feel his hand lift from your thigh and you pry your eyes open to be met with his still damp face and damp hair. You could devour him whole right now.

You both stand and you start to lead the way when Felix throws an arm over your shoulder, preventing you from walking ahead of him. Once you reach the sliding door, he pulls it open and steps inside, waiting for you to step in behind him before he shuts it again.

You start to head towards the fridge but a tight grip on your wrist has you turning and pushed against a counter. Felix’s face is only inches from away, his breath mixing with yours.

“Lix, what-”

“I’m done pretending. I’m going to kiss you now. Okay?” his words shock you and his eyes drag away from your lips to search your eyes. Your hand finds the back of his head and you pull his lips to your firmly.

The kiss is perfect. It might be a little uncoordinated but you have never felt something so perfect against your lips in your life. He steps towards you, pressing your further into the counter and his very obvious hard on presses into your hip. He pulls away and rests his forehead against yours.

“I’ve waited so long for this,” he speaks up and you can’t help the smile that creeps onto your face. Your hand trails from the back of his head to his neck and down his chest. You slow down and drag your nails across his toned stomach, making him let out a groan.

“Why stop here?” you instigate and your hands trail further down stopping over his hard on and palming him, another low groan leaving his throat.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” he mutters, smashing his lips into yours again.

Seungmin-

"Seungmin," You warn again for the thousandth time just tonight. You had come to one of your acquaintance's dinner parties, a friend of a friend. Seungmin had a particular dislike for said acquaintance. He claims he is always making "googly eyes" at you even when you obviously have a boyfriend.

Seungmin isn't a jealous person per say, he was more of a possessive person. He just doesn't like people blatantly disrespecting or disregarding things that he perceives as his, you included.

"I didn't even do anything," he tries to defend himself but you make eye contact with him, raising your eyebrows. He lets out a sigh and you roll your eyes.

"I just don't like him," he confesses and you gasp, a hand clutched to your chest.

"No! Really? I would have never noticed!" You reply sarcastically and now its his turn to roll his eyes. Before you can say anything else, the acquaintance approaches the two of you that are sat on the loveseat.

"Mind if I sit?" he asks and points to the barely there spot on the side of you.

"Yeah I do mind actu-"

"Of course not! Sit," you insist and scoot closer to your boyfriend to allow him to sit on the other side of you. He settles next to you and Seungmin immediately lays his hand across your lap, pulling your legs closer to him and away from the man sitting next to you. He lets his fingers start to fidget with the fray on the edge of the holes in your jeans. He is making it very clear he is here and doesn't want anyone to forget it.

His eyes dart down to Seungmin's hand and you don't have to turn around to know that he has the smuggest grin on his face. You feel his hand move and makes its way into the hole of your jeans, resting his hand against your bare thigh.

"Excuse him. He's in a... mood," you nudge your boyfriend gently and hear him scoff behind you.

"Happy birthday, though! How's another year older than me feel?" You tease. He is now three years older than you and you make jokes about being so much younger than him every time you see each other.

"Oh hush. But thank you! I'm so glad you could come!" you feel Seungmin's grip tighten a bit at his words but ignore it.

"Of course! I'm glad we could come," you try to reassure your boyfriend and place your hand on his thigh as well, letting it wrap around his inner thigh. You can feel him physically melt into your hold and you know that he is softening up a bit.

"Yeah. I didn't know he was coming though. What was it again? Simon?" as soon as the sentence leaves his mouth, you don't even have time to process what he said and his tone before Seungmin is opening his own mouth.

"We all know that you know my name," he deadpans, his eyes never leaving the room. He doesn't even bother looking the man in the eyes, genuinely unbothered by his attempt at a jab.

"Minnie..." your tone is low but before you can say anything else, the guy beside you speaks again.

"No need to apologize! I totally get it," he says and you look over at him, confused. You definitely were not going to tell Seungmin to apologize and you're not quite sure what there is to 'get'.

"I can guarantee nobody was going to apologize. If anyone is apologizing, it should be you for constantly flirting with my future wife. She isn't going anywhere so go ahead and give up while I'm still being nice," Seungmin's voice is low and cautious. Nobody around would even be able to pick up on the tension between the three of you on the love seat.

"I never flirted-"

"Cut the crap and get out of my sight before you piss me off even more," Seungmin interrupts him, his tone sharp and taunting. His grip on your thigh tightens and you can't help but chew on your lip. The mixture of his hand on your thigh and the way he is talking to this man, the clench in his jaw, the way his eyes are daring the man to try anything. It all had you thinking the nastiest thoughts.

"This is my house,"

"Then we'll leave," Seungmin stands abruptly and you barely have time to process he is standing before he is grabbing your hand and pulling you up, wrapping a possessive arm around your waist.

"Wait bub! I need to say bye to everyone," you try to stop him but he is already making a beeline for the door and dragging you away with him.

"You can text them," His voice is hoarse and has anger dripping from every word. It makes you snap your mouth shut, not wanting to piss him off any further.

It's only a five minute walk from the house back to your place and the entire walk is silent. You stayed a few steps behind your boyfriend, not on purpose, but every time you caught up to him, he would speed up enough to not be walking side by side.

"Did I do something?" you speak out lowly when you reach your place. Seungmin lets out a sigh and types your code into your door, pushing it open and you slide in. When you walk past him, his hand gently guides your lower back into the house. His own way of reassuring you.

"You're mine. You know that right?" his voice speaks up from behind you while you pull your jacket off and you hum in response. Once your jacket is pulled off, he pushes your hair over one of your shoulders and places a kiss to where your neck and shoulder meet. His lips trail up to your earlobe where he presses a gentle kiss there too.

"Say it. Tell me you're mine," he whispers, his breath sending chills down your spine. His hands wrap around your lower stomach, trailing down your hips, then settling on the top of your thighs.

He lets his hands sink into the flesh and leans down again, pressing another kiss to your neck. His hands make their way into the rips in the thighs of your jeans and he squeezes the flesh again.

"Y/n." His voice is stern, making your eyes snap open.

"Y-yes?" your voice is quite the opposite, small and shaky.

"Tell me. Say you're mine," he commands again, his hands still kneading your thighs, a little more roughly than before.

"I'm yours," you breathe out when he sucks gently into your neck, not enough to leave a mark but definitely enough to make you know he's there.

"Mm. Good girl. I saw you looking at me when I was mad. Rubbing your thighs together while I was doing everything in my power to not wring that guy's neck," he pauses and takes one hand out of the hole of your jeans before flicking the button of your jeans open.

"Remember you're mine. I want to hear it all night," He commands as his hand makes its way into your jeans and cups your heat.

"I'm yours, Seungmin. Always have been and always will be," yoi confess and he chuckles against your neck.

I.N:

Before you even started dating, you were well aware of Jeongin’s sensitivity to your touch. You could feel his body physically heat up under your touch. You never saw just how sensitive he could get until you had already begun dating.

The two of you are laying on the couch, watching your favorite holiday movie for the millionth time. You’re laying on his chest, your legs intertwined together. Your hand resting on his chest eventually gets uncomfortable and you settle on his thigh on top of your own leg instead.

You gently graze your nails over the exposed flesh and you feel the trail of heat that your touch is leaving which directly contradicts the goosebumps rising on his skin. Jeongin clears his throat and adjusts under you slightly, squeezing your shoulders a little tighter before loosening again.

“Am I tickling you?” you inquire and you feel him shake his head before he speaks up.

“No. Feels good,” he mumbles out and you look up at your boyfriend. His focus is on the T.V. and he has the arm that isn’t wrapped around you propped underneath his head, the veins and the muscle in his bicep defined and you bite down on your lip. He finally looks down at you and you feel your self heat up slightly.

“What’s wrong?” he questions and you shake your head, letting it rest back on his chest again.

“Nothing, nothing. I was just…observing how perfect you are,” you giggle when you feel his chest heat up under your cheek, a blush surely rising to his face. Your nails begin to trail up and down his thigh again and you’ve absentmindedly written some words and drawn some shapes when Jeongin’s hand comes down, gripping your wrist tightly to stop your tracing.

You look up at him again but he is still focused on the T.V. He takes a deep breath before looking down at you again.

“Okay. That’s enough,” he nods raises his eyebrows at you and a small pout finds its way to your lips.

“But you said it didn’t tickle,” you whine and he shakes his head at you, a smirk making its way to his lips.

“That doesn’t mean it doesn’t make me feel other things,” he explains and confusion covers your face for a moment before you understand. He wasn’t getting tickled, he was getting turned on.

“I-I um. Sorry?” you question as you feel a blush cover your face and immediately hide it back down on Jeongin’s chest.

“It isn’t your fault. My body just has such an… intense reaction to you,” he explains and you hum in response, nodding on his chest.

“Me too,” you confess and you hear the chuckle deep in his chest in response.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. Your um thigh keeps pressing up um against me and it’s yeah,” you explain mildly, trailing off at the sentence.

“Tell me, baby. Finish your thoughts,” he prompts you, his voice deep and demanding. It makes you not even want to dare disobey him.

“I’ve been wet for the past 30 minutes,” the words tumble out of your mouth so fast and you barely have time to be embarrassed when Jeongin sits up, making you sit up with him.

“Innie? What are you-” he cuts you off by leaning in and kissing you, his hands on either side of your face. You turn to sit on your knees but Jeongin pulls you to straddle his lap instead, deepening the kiss. You push your tongue into his mouth and grind down onto him at the same time.

His moan allows you access to his mouth, asserting dominance over him quickly. It doesn’t last long, however, and he bucks his hips up against you. You moan and he leans back to be able to take in your sounds more clearly. His hands settle onto your thighs, preventing you from moving away from him as he grinds against your crying core.

“Fuck, Innie. I need more,” you whine and grind down onto him harder. One of his hands wraps around your lower back and he readjusts the two of you so that he is above you on the couch now. His hand dips into your sweatpants and underwear. He is pleased to see that you weren’t lying about being wet.

He leans down and connects your lips again as he dips one finger into your soaking core, pumping slowly. You moan into his mouth and grind down into his hand, still wanting more.

“M-more,” you breathe out and he chuckles against your lips, pushing another finger into your core and making you arch into him.

“So greedy. What a greedy little pussy,” he murmurs against your lips and dips down to kiss along the side of your neck. His free hand wraps around your thigh and pushes it towards your chest to give him better access. Your other thigh drops open and he groans at the way you’re pulsing around his fingers.

He pulls his hand from your pants and pops the two fingers into his mouth, sucking you clean from them and letting out a guttural moan at the taste of you on his tongue.

“I would love to keep fingering you but I need to feel you on my cock or I might explode,” he grunts and you laugh but shimmy out of the lower half of your clothes while he does the same.

“Hold on, let me grab a condom,” he starts to back away from you but you wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him towards you. His hands land on either side of your head and the tip of his cock is pushed against your clit.

“Forget it. Just fuck me, Innie,” you demand and he curses under his breath, immediately reaching down and aligning himself with your entrance.

“You can’t say things like this if you want me to last,” he scolds you but before you can say anything back, he slowly slides into you, a moan falling from both of your mouths. He grabs either of your thighs and closes them, placing your ankles on either of his shoulders.

Your hands drop and grip onto his thighs, nails gently digging into the flesh, ripping a moan from Jeongin’s throat.

“Fuck. Why do you want me to cum too early so bad? You keep doing these things that make me go insane,” he slowly begins thrusting into you and your breathing starts to pick up.

“Fuck me like you mean it,” the words leave your mouth before you can even process what you’re saying and your eyes fly open to look at Jeongin’s. He stops for no longer than a second before moving both of your legs over one of his shoulders and leaning forward, practically bending you in half.

He obeys you, however and begins drilling into you at an almost painful pace. Your nails dig into his thighs again, leaving indents and scratch marks over the smooth skin.

“I’m going to fill you up with my cum and then fuck it back inside of you, baby, fuck,” Jeongin grunts out as strangled and incomprehensible sounds and words leave your mouth.

Your relationship is fairly new and you have only had sex a handful of times but this is definitely the nastiest that he has gotten. The roughest he has ever gotten too. It has your brain melting and the movie long forgotten as you inch closer and closer to the edge.

“I-I’m going to cum,” you practically yell out, your voice thin and whiny. He smirks at your state as tears start to fall from your eyes.

“You can cum if you want to, princess. I’m not stopping if you do,” he grants you permission but the promise of him continuing to fuck you anyways has you scared and aroused, and inevitably pushing you over the edge as your orgasm comes crashing down all around you.

Your beautifully sadistic boyfriend keeps his promise and continues to fuck you, only slowing down slightly so he can properly observe your face and moans. He speeds back up when it seems like you’re coming back to earth and all you can see is white as the overstimulation take over.

Your body is shaking and writhing and you’re crying out until suddenly, it starts to feel good again and you feel another one quickly approaching.

“You’re leaving marks all over my legs, baby,” Jeongin’s voice snaps you back to reality and your eyes shoot open. You glance down at his legs and see deep scratch marks that are beginning to turn purple.

“Y-you l-like it,” you stutter out, your voice shaky. He chuckles and hums in agreement before leaning down and reconnecting your lips again.

[kooksbunnnn]

Lost cause? 4: Can my happiness ever last?

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook× Female!Reader

Genre: Established relationship/ marriage, angst, heartbreak, makeout and kissing mentions, INFIDELITY. Panic attacks (TRIGGER WARNING). Pregnancy (do not read if this content triggers you) also, 18+, This is purely a work of FICTION please take it as FICTION only. Therapy and psychological conversations. Tears, guilt, regret and hope maybe?

Word counts: 10.1k approx

Summary: You always wondered, how would your life turn out to be if you and Jungkook had a baby? So, when you finally conceive and decide to tell your husband that you are pregnant, you didn't expect him to drop this bomb on you. You never would've thought that the surprise you planned would end up in agonized tears because of the shock your husband brings you. 

Authors note: Hello, my lovely readers, or should I call you all my bunnnnys? It sounds cute to me hehe, its a cute little name for my kooksbunnnn family, the readers who wait for me, love me, and read the stories I write. Thank you for waiting so patiently, ily guys. Here's chapter 4, I got a little carried away with words, hence the 10k 👉👈 sorry for the long wait once again, enjoy the chapter now. Bye-bye!

Previous chapter

___________________________________________

Seriously breathe louder Ross

You giggle watching an Instagram reel of a scene from friends where a pregnant Rachel snaps at Ross, who was just standing as you put another grape into your mouth from the container Jungkook packed for you with washed grapes.

As you scroll through the comments on the mentioned reel, you can't help but read some of the comments,

Comment: Rachel has such pretty hair.

True. You always wanted to try her hairstyles.

Comment: people should appreciate how the writers gave every female character a different kind of motherhood and different experiences, and it’s beautiful how they portrayed every feeling. Also, I can't imagine how one of them had a miscarriage in real.

Miscarriage. This word itself makes your body shiver with fear, and you immediately feel your throat get heavy. You shake your head at this and scroll further, not wanting to cry for the 6th time on the same day.

Comment: Being pregnant is a magical experience, sure, but it's a whole ass rollercoaster of emotions, and you won't be ready for the amount of mood swings that come with it.

Yea, No shit.

Comment: I love how Rachel had a character development nobody ever expected.

Mhm. True.

Comment: Can’t believe how they ended up together even after Ross cheated on her.

That got personal, guess it was time to delete Instagram.

Month 6 and a half, day 188 since that night and you’re surprisingly alive. The night your heart got broken and you didn't think you would make it through 2 months of life.

More like, you didn't think you could make it alone, without Jungkook. Technically? Yes, you couldn't live without seeing him or hearing him for the start of your pregnancy and now he is always around you.

Always around. Helping you sit, eat, drink, lie, puke, pee, and all this while being at his respectable distance from you.

“Cut yourself some slack, you're growing someone inside you. It's okay to be dependent while you're going through so much..” that's what your mom said when you asked her about your future and if it was a mistake going through with this.

Looking back to her advice from weeks ago you feel like you are being a little hard on yourself. Therapy. Sonograms. Lamaze classes, doctor appointments, morning-afternoon-evening sickness, hormones, mood swings, and whatnot. You feel excited for your baby to come into the world but would it be wrong if you said you were scared?

When you asked these questions to the people around you these were the answers:

Mom: “Yes honey, of course, it’s okay to be scared. Your life will change, and sometimes you feel like you won't know what you’re doing, but trust me having kids is a tiring but very beautiful experience.”

Dad: “Sweetie, it's completely normal. Your mom used to freak out a lot as well when she had you. We’re here for you, it's all gonna be okay.

Namjoon’s wife, Binna: “I have seen my sister go through it and I am gonna be honest, it is difficult and the delivery is gonna be tough but the results make it all worth it. I am so excited to start my family one day, too!”

Jin’s wife: “It's a little nerve-wracking, to be honest, but it's the best thing Y/N, trust me I have never cried harder than when I saw that my test results were not accurate, I was heartbroken. Trust me, this is the best thing that would happen to you.”

Namjoon, Jin, and Jimin in different words but similar contexts: “I don't know much about how you're feeling right now so I can't say I understand but trust me, I’ll be by your side and our dumb little brother’s side always. We’re a family, Y/N.”

Hobi and Taehyung came together while you and Jungkook were having dinner: We have seen our sisters and relatives go through pregnancy, and it honestly looks so overwhelming. We respect women more every day. We’re here always, just one call away.” They had said with smiles on their faces.

Yoongi: “I am not good with words or comforting people, Y/N, but I just wanna assure you that I am always here. All of us will be there for you both. It's not gonna be easy for you, mentally or body-wise, but never feel alone. You’re our family and always will be, no matter what.” He said, patting you like you were a kid while Jungkook sniffled sitting by your side in your sitting area.

The most common advice everyone gave was: Be easy with yourself, mentally, emotionally, and physically. You’re going through a lot.

And it was true. You and Jungkook have been working on your relationship’s progress ever since your first session, and somehow it was going pretty well. You had dinner together and he made sure he attended the sonography sessions and therapy sessions with you.

You had regular sessions together and Ms. Shin recommended you both try talking about the future ahead. No definite planning, just talking about the options.

Wall paints, cradles, toys, shopping, diaper brands, baby food, everything you could see in the future around your baby. Since the biggest reason for fixing your relationship was because of your baby, you needed to familiarize yourself sitting around talking about the little person gluing you both together.

So you both decided to have dinner together daily and decided to make a pre-baby diary while eating. Yes, it was Jungkook’s idea. It's been 8 days since the last therapy session and you have already listed the paint options for the baby’s room, went maternity clothes shopping with your husband and browsed some cradle options.

All was well, right?

On the outside, yes. In your ovaries? No.

The lingering attraction you so badly tried to avoid for the past week is still lingering in the air around you. You roll your eyes as you feel embarrassment creep up your neck at how dumb you have been behaving around your husband.

You feel emotional, horny and everything at once. Absolutely mental.

♡♡♡

“I don't think I am normal anymore.”

The therapist watches you utter the sentence with a manic like chuckle. She must be thinking you're insane. You notice how her hand freezes for a mini second and then continues to pass you the glass filled with water.

“My question, however, Mrs Jeon, was how did your weekend shopping go, but you can still go on. Why would you think such a thought?” Your therapist calmly asks you after waiting for your response to her earlier question for a good minute.

You finally take the glass of water in her hand stretched towards you after muttering a low ‘thankyou’.

After what happened with you and Jungkook and his damn damp hair, you were freaking out. One moment you were feeling like you could cry out of embarrassment but the next moment you wanted to make out with him in the kitchen while he wore his white dress shirt and those grey joggers you always loved.

Okay. You know this is weird, hence the embarrassment. Duh?! Earlier you weren't able to control the urges you felt, the mood swings, the craving, and now?! This fucking arousal.

You made an appointment with your doctor as soon as you woke up the following morning, hoping she would prescribe some pills or any kind of medications to reduce the arousal you felt but it didn’t help you much because there was no way of completely avoiding that.

The doctor didn’t suggest you take the pills that might’ve helped you because you already had a lot of mood swings and anxiety episodes, those pills could’ve worsened them. She makes sense, a lot of sense but only when you thought about it with a cool head.

But at that moment, while she was telling you all that? It's just safe to say you can grit your anger in between your teeth.

Now you were sitting in front of your therapist hoping she would help you reverse the psychology or something which would help you not feel horny for your husband.

‘Your husband who betrayed you and was now trying to make up for what he did which you were okay with and hoping for everything to be better one fucking day ago but now you feel like you wanna kiss him so badly it makes you dizzy’

It was like a mantra, hecheatedhecheatedhecheated, so that you don't pull him in to kiss the shit out of his cute little face.

When you say the same things you thought, your therapist nodded her head noting something down in her notepad. Maybe she thought you were mental.

“Mrs Jeon, I would suggest you control your sexual urges towards your husband by trying to remove yourself from the room he’s in. Considering he doesn’t sleep with you, but if he does-“ but you cut her sentence in the middle by whispering quickly in his defense.

“No-no he doesn't, he sleeps outside in the lobby.” You shake your head not making eye contact, feeling somehow guilty of your husband's daily discomfort.

“And it's completely okay, Mrs. Jeon, to have your space and have some distance. It doesn't make you a bad person.”

Damn, she is good. You need to give her great ratings. You look up at her and watch as she nods her head with a small smile making you feel at ease.

“Did you talk about this issue with Mr. Jeon?” She asks you, and you shake your head slightly. Why do you feel guilty, and what do you feel guilty of most importantly? Nodding to your reaction, she says, “Would you like to discuss why?”

“Would that even change anything?” You say with a huff a second after she finishes her sentence, frustration evident on your face.

Shrugging she says, “It might make things clearer..” her eyes slowly crinkled due to her hair falling in her eyes. Flicking it away she looks at you slightly tilting her head. “Isn't this what you chose, Mrs Jeon? Being honest is what your relationship needs at this point, isn’t it?

Sighing you realize how you might be running away from things, after all, you chose this journey. You both did and somehow you feel you might be turning into an obstacle towards a better family life, yourself.

Turning your head towards the plant in the room’s corner, you speak with a distant voice, “I don't know, All that I have gathered from the problems I have had in my life is that I could win any kind of battle if it were against my mind but if it's my heart I am fighting against? It's a fucking lost cause.”

“What do you think is the reason you would be fighting your heart, Mrs jeon?”

You scoff whipping your head towards her, eyes glistening. Digging your nails before saying what you feel just on the tip of your tongue,

“I love him.”

There's a pause, followed by your therapist humming.

“I love him so much I wanna forgive him and try to make things better but..”

“But..?”

Another pause. A suffocating one.

“I can't seem to do that to myself or my kid. What kind of an example would I be if I give in to something that's not right?!” After you notice how your expressions change into a frustrated scowl in the tiny mirror behind your therapist's head you feel your tears start to fall off.

“I am sorry.” You say sniffling and somehow embarrassed of your feelings taking over you.

“It's okay, Mrs. Jeon, here..” she offered you the tissue kept on her desk, and you wiped your tears chuckling at your situation.

How did your life get to where it was? You have no absolute fucking clue.

♡♡♡

You wince minutely when you reminisce how your last session went with Ms. Shin.

One moment you were crying because you can't forget the night he told you that he cheated on you and one moment you cried because you wanna hug him and then cry into his chest about how your hormones wanted you to kiss him but you can't because then you would cry about how you shouldn't be feeling like this about someone who betrayed you, then again you cry because you can't forget how he betrayed you.

It's like a frustrating cycle. A cycle you wanna throw off of a freaking dam to let it drown and maybe rust when the water starts to break the metal. Maybe that would help break it because there was no way in hell you could succeed in breaking it.

Not to mention how you have to pee every minute of the day and then crave pickles with some honey on them while sitting on the toilet seat.

Sounds tasty, right? Yeah, you shake your head in a quick no too as soon as you step outside and think how pickles would rather taste better with peanut butter on it.

As you deal with your tears and the spasmodic hand stomping on the pillow or table around you to let go of the kissy-kissy thoughts in your head, your husband stays clueless.

Not clueless about the hormones, na-ah.

Just the fact that you stare at him before you slap your hand on the table, or thump down the cup on the table too harshly for anyone to not notice. He tried to ask you if you felt okay. But ended up getting yelled at for not leaving you alone.

You once yelled at him for leaving the windows open which you asked to be left open, saying he should’ve known better when to close them.

This looks cute in shows and movies of how cute the mother-to-be looks yelling at a clueless husband but you on the other hand feel bad for making him feel actually at fault when he has been trying his best to make you feel comfortable.

What does he do after getting yelled at? He apologizes, does what you asked or yelled at him to do, and leaves. He still comes back and eats the dinner your mother made with you and your dad helping her out.

You feel terrible for how you are behaving around him, the worst part being that he takes everything you do and say to him without even reacting ever so slightly. You tried living life with him normally but you can’t forget the thought that lingers in the back of your head; that the favorite part of living your life with him was the affection, the touches.

It's frustrating to say the least that you haven't even hugged him in the last few months, you know that there is a reason behind the distance but since your mind tells you to create boundaries and try things again, your heart doesn’t understand how someone could try to make things better from a distance. Especially you and Jungkook.

He did everything according to how you needed without you telling him. Your childhood therapist once told you no matter how perfect a person tried to be there are certain situations where you can’t control the things the universe decides for you. She said that when you were having trouble accepting that you were the reason one of your ex-best friends changed schools, stating that you made her feel insecure. You had no idea.

So you accepted your fate, then and now as well. Doing things as they go in the flow. You had a discussion with your parents about how you are supposed to be having dinner with Jungkook as advised by your therapist so your mom and dad eat their dinner by 7 o’clock as advised by their doctors while you accompany them by having your soup or tea.

They thought it was a good idea so you agreed to do it.

By 9 o’clock or quarter to 9 Jungkook enters and you have your dinner and the discussion you are supposed to have about the baby.

It has been 15 minutes since your mom and dad went to their room after insisting on sitting with you while you wait for Jungkook to be back. You have your phone in your hand which starts to buzz with Jungkook’s name on the screen with the bunny emoji.

Picking up with a smile you answer to his voice.

God, you missed him.

Yep, you said it.

Picking up he seems like he is on the way and is trying to get his phone back from someone. “Hyung give me my phone back, hold his hands Yoongi hyung, hey-!” yes he was snatching his phone back.

You can hear a bunch of yelling noises in the background and you recognize the screaming voice immediately, Jimin. You shake your head at the chaos and smile putting a grape in your mouth.

“Hey, Y/N I am sorry I am a little late, I just wanted to ask if it's okay with me to bring Jimin and Yoongi Hyung over to your parent's house we have a bit of a situation on our hands.”

“Yeah, of course, kook, it's okay. Is everything okay though?”

Silence.

“Hello?”

“What did you call me?”

Your eyes widen at how you didn't even realize how normal this felt to you. You haven't called him Kook ever since you cried in his car after your first therapy session, always walking on eggshells.

“Y/N?”

Courage. Squeezing your fist and eyes shut you say,

“I called you k-kook. Is that not okay?”

Your leg starts to shake not knowing what to say next.

“No! Fuck, I mean it's more than okay. You know what? Let's not talk about it I don't wanna jinx it.” You can hear him smile and you can't help but widen your smile. It has been so long since you smiled this wide and you somehow feel better.

You repeat the words in your head, Don't feel guilty Y/N, go with it. Go with the flow. Cut yourself some slack. You’re going through a lot, be easy on yourself.

You smile and hear him chuckle before-

“Oh, no hyung not in my car ugh, we’ll be there in 5 minutes Y/N, I’ll reheat the food when I get there don't worry. Yoongi Hyung push his head out the window please-” And he hangs up.

Smiling at the chaotic phone call, you get up to check on your mom and dad if they are still up, wanting to tell them about the guests coming over. But since they were soundly asleep with the nightlights on, you switch them off, regulate the fan's speed, and take the phone from your sleeping-snoring mom’s hand plugging it to the charger and checking if they had water around them.

After checking up on your parents you close the door to their room and walk towards the kitchen to drink some water. Even the small activities could make a pregnant lady tired and the jug in your room was empty so you walked slowly towards the fridge. The pain getting better but still evident in your lower back which makes you put a hand on your back while you open the refrigerator.

Suddenly you spot a Harley bike model Jungkook gifted your father when he came home to meet your parents for the first time. Your father was really happy seeing the model, him being a Harley fan. If age didn't play a role in life your father would've still been traveling with your mom like those couples you saw in uni.

You remember how you and Jungkook loved to travel on his bike, you holding onto him as if your life depended on it, hair flowing from under the helmet and him accelerating the bike through the streets, hills, and empty roads leading to the cabin the whole group planned to visit during his and Namjoon’s collective birthday celebration.

Damn, you were so in love. Still are, and will probably always be.

The group has always been there for you, they're like the family you never knew you needed until they came into your life. The chaos was a part of your life, the screams, the teasing, the weekend game nights, the celebrations, movie nights which turned into everybody and their girlfriends crashing in the lobby on the mattresses Jungkook bought for the night stays.

You remember what the situation was when you met him for the first time six years ago.

♡♡♡

“Damnit Tae, jump outta here.” You argue with Taehyung as the three of you look out the window of your room.

“Fuck no. Are you mental? I’ll die if I jump out of here.” Taehyung says whisper yelling at your roommate, Aera, who rolls her eyes at her dramatic “friend” panicking with wide eyes.

“No, you won't, don’t be dramatic.” You scoff as you push him slightly in the windows direction.

“It's a whole ass floor Y/N, the fuck is wrong with you?” He scowls at you as he regains balance panicking.

“Maybe we should call Jungkook.”

“Jungkook? Jeon Jungkook with that loud-ass bike? Nice. Sneaking a boy out of our room with the help of another boy. Fan-fucking-tastic, Taehyung.” You clap two times with a straight face.

“Guys,” your friend giggles as she tries to focus on the main topic in the room, while Taehyung goes back to sit on your roommate’s bed.

“I think he is right, Y/N, we could at least get help from JK.”

“Mhm, help in getting kicked out.” You mumble not so quietly earning yourself a middle finger from Taehyung and an eyeroll from Aera.

“Fine, do whatever you want.” You say rolling your eyes.

The thing was you were only partly nervous because of your forced eviction but also because you had never met Jungkook, the campus crush. More like the crush of every girl who saw him on his bike. You were not one of them, at least you wouldn't admit that but you wouldn't deny that he was a pretty face to look at and a very hot piece of ass to stare at. The proportions of that man were totally insane.

Tiny waist, big- biteable chest, broad shoulders, thick thighs, luscious hair locks, biceps people could hang on, the all-black outfit, and the very contrasting facial features. If he wore a helmet people wouldn't imagine how the guy had big doe boba eyes and a cute mole under his lips, skin better than half of the girls who spent so much on products. He always had that glint in his eyes making him seem so innocent, innocent but with a physique that can crush people.

You never talked to him so you don't know how he sounds or if he is a rude person. You just know he is Taehyung’s friend whom he hangs out with around the campus.

While you thought about how Jungkook might or might not be your crush, Taehyung called him and you all got up to sneak him out of the house.

“Wait you don't need to come if you don't want to Y/N,” Aera said after looking around the hallways and telling Taehyung to tiptoe downstairs since her aunt’s room was on the same floor as yours.

“H-Huh? N-no I wanna go as well. So that if she wakes up I can tell her we both went out to get some fresh air while the guys ran away y-you know? “

You said. Terrible at lying. You wanted to see the man coming to save his friend.

Your friend was in a hurry sneaking her fuck buddy out so she didn't pay attention to what you said and how you said it. A total stuttering mess.

Walking out of the house you never imagined him to be so..so..so tasty. Thats the only words that come to your mind. He parked his bike at a safe distance because of how much noise it made and approached you guys.

The image in your hand was like the 480p version of how beautiful and ethereal he was but in reality, he had tattoos. Tattoos! Not even a small one, a whole arm that stretched inside his white sleeveless tee.

You thanked the cloth gods for making this particular article of clothing because you needed to see how hot men you would want to eat up looked in it.

“Told you, you would need my help.” He smirks as Taehyung walks past him only turning around to come back and give Aera a quick kiss and then running away again, making her blush.

“Run dumbass, their landlord would skewer us on her cane,” Taehyung says and you chuckle at how exaggerated he made Aera’s aunt sound. At your chuckle, Jungkook looks at you and you pause mid-laugh when you notice him looking at you.

“Hi, I’m Jungkook.” He extends his hand towards you and you blush not knowing how to respond to his raspy voice.

“Yeah, I know you.” You say staring at him with heat on your cheeks and immediately kick yourself mentally.

You sound like a fucking creep. I know you? seriously?

He smiles, “..and you are..?

“Oh I’m so sorry, I didn't mean to be rude I’m Y/N, Hi heh.” You extend your hand to shake his and he whispers your name under his breath eyes still looking into yours.

“Hi Y/N, you’re very pretty.” While he rubs his thumb on your already heating skin making it burst into flames as he rubs it again.

“Kook!” Taehyung yells and you break the eye contact, taking your hand back.

“It's okay don't be sorry, I didn't find you rude rather, I found you cute.” He says as you look at him again. You think it was an imagination of your beauty-struck head or maybe it was due to dark but..did he just check you out?

You give him a confused look at what he said, making him chuckle. He sounds so deliciously hot and raspy. God.

“That you know who I am, considering how you’re always in the art studio. I found it cute.” He says with a smile leaning slightly towards your face and you lean back at the same time he leans in. He stays towering over you and maybe notices your expressions. You just hope he didn't notice how red your cheeks might be.

Does he know about the art studio? Only people close to you knew about it.

Seeing your wide eyes, he straightens up to his original height and chuckles. He sounds so good, it reaches inside you and you knew that you were fucked.

“Kook?” You didn't even notice when Taehyung came back to drag his friend back. Slapping his shoulder and then sprinting towards the bike again.

“Kook, let's go. She switched on some kind of light in her room oh god. She’ll beat your and my asses collectively.” Taehyung yells waving his friends over.

“Hey we’re gonna be in the beat party as well, Y/N lets go,” Aera speaks from the driveway of her aunt's house, slowly retrieving her steps.

But you were stuck. Stuck on how his bunny teeth played with the piercing on his lips. Not being able to bear eye contact with him, you flicked your eyes away.

When Taehyung yelled again from a distance, Jungkook responded with a ‘yea yea coming’ while stepping backward with his white sleeveless tee sticking to his body.

Generally, you didn't like summers but you were so glad it was hot enough that he decided to wear a sleeveless outfit, for you to ogle his tattoos.

Taehyung and Aera were already away from the both of you, Taehyung at a safer distance from the house and Aera still waiting for you at the house hoping her aunt just woke up for her nightly washroom trips and didn't see you guys with these beautiful men.

With a smile on his face, he stepped back facing you. Clicking his tongue twice to get your attention, you looked at him to immediately regret locking eyes with him. He winked at you and said, “See you around, sweetheart.”

You swear you saw his eyes flitting to your lips and then to your skirt that was flowing with the slight wind in the surroundings before he turned around and ran towards his panicking friend.

You knew he was casually flirting and was out of your league. And since you didn't believe your luck would suddenly turn out to be on your side you didn't think of his wink as something more than something casual.

But goddamnit, the crush you never admitted to, was finally admitted in your heart.

♡♡♡

You smile as you pick the model in your hand at the fond memories of how you tried so hard to remain just friends with the guy even though he hung out with you daily, accompanied you in your art studio confirming he knew about you before meeting you. You never knew your friendship could be more than what it was but maybe growing up and getting jobs made you want to prioritize yourself and your wants, so you decided to tell him how you felt but he beat you to it three days before you planned on confessing.

“Sorry sweetheart, wanted to kiss you as my girlfriend on Valentine's Day without the fear of rejection in the back of my brain.” That's what he said before he kissed the living daylights out of you on the gazebo at your favorite park.

You smile remembering how he took you to the park saying the cherry blossoms were blooming early that year, you believed him nodding with excitement and you went along with him running and holding hands. Reaching there you were sad that no blossoms were blooming but then he gave you the promise ring he ordered from the vintage store you loved so much. You knew it cost him a lot but when you asked him about it he just chuckled deeply avoiding that question and before you could pick that topic again he kneeled on one knee and asked you to be his girlfriend officially.

You smile at the memories and keep the bike model back on the shelf, the flashback coming to a halt as you come back to the living room when your phone buzzes with your husband's name on it.

He didn't ring the doorbell nowadays to be cautious in case your parents were asleep. So you went to the door and opened it already expecting Jimin leaning on Jungkook’s shoulders while Yoongi just snickered at his younger brother, seeming unconscious but Jimin was very much awake, also very very drunk as he clung to Yoongi telling him everything was going to be okay. Jungkook held three bags as he gave you a sheepish smile at his Hyungs’ behavior.

“Yes, Yes, Jimin. It's gonna be okay.” Yoongi held Jimin very firmly while giving you a small smile before asking where to put him so that he could blubber nonsense somewhere your neighbors wouldn't hear.

Jungkook chuckles and leads them to the guest room while muttering a ‘hi’, looking at you from head to toe as if checking if you had any injuries.

“Hi,” you whisper, enough for him to catch your voice.

“How was your day?” You ask trying to take the bags from his hand but he tilts his body giving you a look that says ‘Really?’.

Sighing with a smile, you close the door and follow him inside.

“It was good- Oh shit the guest room door is locked. Wait hyung let me get the key” he put the bags on the counter while a grunting Yoongi held a wobbly Jimin in his hands.

“Wow realized it so soon,” Yoongi says sarcastically l as Jimin looks at you with a smile on his face. Gasping dramatically, he removes himself from his brother's shoulders and comes towards you, slightly tilted, but he somehow reaches you.

“I can see your baby.” Your eyes widen at what he said and you scoff a laugh as Jimin kneels down in front of your belly.

“He means you’re showing, and he is noticing that now, only, he sounds creepy as fuck.” Yoongi walks back to the sofa and sits down with a long sigh.

“May I please?” He says as hovers his hands over your belly with big puppy eyes and you chuckle at how patiently he wants you to answer.

“Yes, Jimin you may.” You say with a laugh and he whispers to your tummy hovering his hand above it like it's a crystal ball.

“Hi tiny person, I am Jimin, your godfather..” he giggles at the end of his sentence while you hear Yoongi chuckle from the couch.

“The fuck? When did we decide that hyung?” Jungkook stands next to you with keys hanging from his fingers, narrowed gaze focused on his elder brother.

“Shhhhhh” Jimin shushes Jungkook loudly almost spitting on your belly. You laugh as he looks pointedly at Jungkook.

“You don’t get to decide that. Dumbass.” Jimin slurs out and tries to get up grabbing the trousers Jungkook wore, almost making him fall over with his weight.

“Hyung, fuck you’re heavy when drunk.”

“I fucking know right? I don’t know how that happens..” Yoongi mumbles typing something on his phone, stretching his neck sideways to pop the strained muscle.

Jungkook stumbles while you also try to help him balance Jimin by bending slightly to keep a hand on his shoulders, but then you remove it as Jungkook whispers ‘I got him I got him’ assuringly not wanting you to take any strain.

Smiling to yourself you walk over to the couch adjacent to where Yoongi was sitting, asking if he needed water or anything like that.

“Nah I’m good. Thanks.” He waves his hand as he keeps his phone aside watching how Jungkook manages to drag Jimin back.

“...You’ll look good in a tutu as well..” Jimin says to Jungkook poking a finger to his sides continuously. “You know a white one with stars on it, I’ll gift it to the baby so that you can match your outfits then” Jungkook rolls his eyes in annoyance as Jimin’s voice fades into the guest room Jungkook opens for him to sleep in.

“Let me go check up on him yeah?” Yoongi says softly getting up from the couch, picking up a banana on the way to the guest room. Raising one of his brows and the fruit in the air as if asking for permission to eat it. You tilt your head with narrowed eyes passing on the message, ‘You have to ask?’

He smiles slightly shrugging and heads towards the guest room while pealing the banana.

“Jungkook, is he under control now or still wobbly- oh, fuck no-“ Yoongi asks from outside of the room but then pauses in his tracks as you hear Jungkook whine slightly out of disgust and you immediately get up feeling a slight ache in your lower back due to the hurry.

“Is everything okay?” You ask concern evident in your eyes.

Yoongi chuckles and moves away from the door, shaking his head. “Not gonna eat this now, sorry, Y/N.” He says, still laughing.

“Oh no did he-“Before you could say something Jungkook stomps his way out of the guest room and you immediately feel nausea entering you seeing your husband's sleeve covered in vomit.

“Hyung could you please help me heat the food? I’m gonna go take a shower, sorry hyungie just please-“ he continues walking towards the common bathroom at the end of the hall.

“Sure” Yoongi chuckles moving towards the fridge.

“I’ll help you..” you take a step towards the crockery cupboard.

“No, I’m fine. I’ll do it, you sit.” He says pausing you midway.

“No Yoongi lemme help..” you say but he just points the small spoon towards the island chair.

“It's okay Y/N I’ll do it.” He says nodding while opening the Tupperware filled with the various side dishes and the tofu-miso stew.

“I just don't wanna trouble you Yoongi, thanks though.” You say giving up on offering help as he heats the food one by one in the microwave.

“Oh it's not for free, I am taking the godfather’s title in exchange for this.” He smirks glancing at the room Jimin slept in.

“Yeah okay, try beating Jimin for the title. You chuckle looking in the same direction for a second and then at the man heating up the food. While he just gives you a small laugh while warming up the rice in the cooker, mumbling, “We’ll see who wins.”

You smile and pat your feet on the ground in a rhythm as Yoongi places the food on the kitchen island. You feel guilty for making him do this but he has already rejected your help three times so there was no point in arguing over it.

“Y/N?” Yoongi whispers looking at a plate in his hand.

“Yea?”

“I know it's none of my business and I should not even say something about this but can I just say it's really nice that you’re trying again?” He says lifting his head to look at your reaction to what he said.

You feel yourself freeze, this is the first time you had a conversation about your situation with Jungkook, the cheating, and the decision to try again. You sure talked about the pregnancy and yes there was always that lingering awkwardness in the air but this was new.

“Yea..” you sigh looking at your lap for a second and then lifting your head to give him a soft smile.

“Not everyone is lucky enough to get a chance to revive their relationship.” He says still looking at the plate while tracing the pattern on it with his index finger.

You know that his relationship ended badly, you knew how much he loved his girlfriend, you know he acts like it's okay but his dark circles tell another story, you know he looks thin and exhausted all the time but acts like it's nothing.

You know it's not nothing.

“Yoongi, I am sorry about-“But before you could finish your sentence he laughs almost in pain.

“It's okay Y/N, it's done, she is gone. She is happy without me and I can't change that.” He says and you feel your heart break at how small he sounds.

“It sucks but it's true.” He says softly, half to you half to himself, still trying to process his grief over the relationship he lost. After an uncomfortable pause, he continues.

“I saw him Y/N,” he points his chin in the direction of the washroom Jungkook was taking a shower in when you look at him confused at the change of topic.

“..and don't think I am taking his side 'cause he is like a brother to me but I say this honestly, he was devastated while he was away from you.” You just stare at him with eyes round and wide not expecting this conversation to go this way.

“He forgot to eat and sleep, just kept asking Jin Hyung and me if we saw you or if any other of guys saw you.” He says while you look at him nervously talking about the topic, picking his nails.

“Do you remember the time you were at the hospital due to your abdominal pain?” You nod at his question feeling your throat tighten up uncomfortably so you divert your gaze down at the plate with little blue flowers printed on the ceramic.

“He ran to the hospital since his car was still parked at your previous address.” Your eyes widen and you whip your head toward the man standing in front of you.

What does he mean he ran?

“What?” You whisper.

“Taehyung had a night shift and he was alone at the apartment. I tried to tell him to wait for me to pick him up when he called to ask if Taehyung left office or not, but he just hung up saying it would take too long.”

“So he ran to you.” You feel your throat tighten as humanly possible, eyes burning.

Wasn’t Taehyung’s house almost double times the way compared to your route connecting your house to the hospital? You can't even comprehend how he felt when you didn't even talk to him that day.

Shouldn’t you feel like he deserved to feel like that? Shouldn't you say that he did that to himself? That was what you should've said right? But your heart thumps harder every second making your eyes spill the tears gathering in them.

You remember Jungkook was really out of breath and was also wearing different slippers that day.

“Since it was pretty late, he couldn't even book a cab quickly..” Yoongi looks at you and notices how your gaze is zeroed onto him and immediately understands your expressions.

“Hey, I am not trying to make you feel bad or something like that, what he did and what you guys decided is totally none of my business but I just wanted to tell you that giving a second chance is not easy and I really wish things work out for your relationship. I really appreciate you both working through so much stress you know? I can see what his vision meant when he wanted to quit last month.”

“What?” You whisper

“No no, he doesn't want to quit now, I mean after what you both decided Namjoon talked to Mr. Park and handled it..” when Yoongi doesn’t see you respond to whatever he said he realizes that you look lost.

“You don't know, do you?”

“Don't know what?” You whisper again, heart racing. Why do you feel you're not gonna like what he is gonna say?

There is a pause, a very uncomfortable pause. He visibly scans your face and inhales sharply as if deciding against or in favor of telling you about the whole situation.

You clench your pajama pants into your fists as your hand rests on your lap. The kitchen felt stuffy all of a sudden. This might seem like an overreaction but your body feels defensive all of a sudden, deciding between running away or ripping the bandaid off.

Deciding on the latter you ask,

“Yoongi, please tell me?” You request softly and at your almost inaudible request, Yoongi sighs, giving up. He shuts his eyes for a second and then looks up smiling sadly at you.

You hold your breath.

“Um, he was promoted to be the next VP of the agency, and uh..” he rubs the back of his neck looking away, avoiding the eye contact with you.

“And he rejected it?” You whisper and Yoongi nods, still not looking at you.

“The job required him to give more time into his job, more hours away from home. From you and her.” He looks at you and then points his chin in your tummy’s direction.

“So when they told him the details about the hours and the business trips, he immediately refused. Since he was the most eligible person for the job, the CEO, Mr Park..” he says,

“Mr. Park.” You say at the same time nodding.

“Yes, Mr. Park tried convincing him saying he’ll adjust according to your due date and whatever changes Kook would want to his schedule but this kid..” Yoongi chuckles shaking his head, “..rejected it, saying if he had to quit the job he would do it but he would not add onto whatever hours he was working.”

“Then suddenly..” Yoongi picks up a tangerine from the fruit bowl and starts peeling it.

“He came up with an idea of actually quitting in order to give more time to you and your child, so when Namjoon said and I quote, ‘Y/N is gonna kill you if you do that, she knows how much you worked for this’ Jungkook said that you both decided mutually that rejecting the promotion was okay and you were okay with whatever he decided about his job. Which…looking at you right now doesn't seem like it.” Yoongi looks at you with a hesitant expression, offering you the peeled fruit.

You feel your ears heat up and not out of good reason, you are actually mad at him. You were hearing all of this for the first time and you can't believe he backed off from the job he got offered after working so hard. The reason he used to work his ass off, extra time, no holidays, always punctual, not caring about his meals and whatnot, and then just fucking backed off?

"When was this?" You say gritting your teeth, eyes glistening with angry tears, eyes still on Yoongi.

You take the piece of fruit from his hand and shove it in your mouth, eyes red with tears in them.

“Y/N..”

“Why didn't he tell me? And wait a minute he said it was a mutual decision?! What the hell?”

“Y/N, he must have had a reason for saying so, he did explain the reasons and it sounded like he gave it a lot of thought. “

“Don’t you mean WE gave it a lot of thought? hah.” You say chuckling bitterly, swallowing the fruit, your hand going through your hair in frustration as you face the direction where your husband showers unaware of the angry volcano on the other side of the bathroom door.

“What the hell is wrong with him?!” You almost scream but lower your voice remembering your parents are asleep, immediately looking around warily and Yoongi does the same, with similar expressions on his face.

“Sorry, I just feel so mad right now.” You say squeezing your eyes shut, speaking through your teeth.

“I guess you should talk to him,” he says looking at you softly.

“You’re damn right I will-“ you say

“But not now, privately, okay?”

You look at him breathing heavily, cheeks wet with tears, his eyes pleading to not lose your calm immediately. You look at his anger and countless emotions swirling in your mind, nose flaring.

“Ah, okay fine.” You say throwing your hands in frustration, coming back to wipe the tears off your cheeks.

The next few minutes Yoongi tried not to talk about anything and you just swirled your spoon in the spoon Yoongi served for you. He constantly made sure you were sipping the soup, giving you water, and peeling another tangerine for you.

He almost sighed in relief when the bathroom door clicked open and Jungkook came out of the washroom. The steam rushed out of the white-tiled space along with a drippy Jungkook and a goddamned towel around his waist.

You feel madder now. Is that even a word? You don't care because that's how you feel. Madder.

Remember when you said how your emotions were on a roll these days? Yea. It was an understatement because the moment you saw your husband with that damned towel hanging low on his hips your anger turned into angry horniness, you wished, only for a second, but wished Yoongi wasn't here so that you could straddle the half-naked guy and ask him about the stupid decision he made.

Although Jungkook had immediately rushed into the room to get some clothes on him it was enough to make your ovaries light up on fire. You're mad and horny, two things that don't go well for you. Especially not in this state.

"Hey guys I am sorry, I had to wash off all that puke stench. Why didn't you guys start eating yet?"

"I don't know maybe you took very long to shower." You snap at your husband and he freezes in his tracks to get the plate.

"Y/N, I was there for only 10 mins."

“I don't know, felt like 10 years." At your tone Jungkook looks at you concerned and then at Yoongi who watches awkwardly, the whole scene unfolding in front of him.

"Guys you know what I think I am gonna head home, I have eaten with Jimin earlier and need sleep."

“No- yoongi eat please-“ you request feeling guilty for making him awkward.

“Yes hyung, please finish your dinner.” Jungkook says, looking at his hyung but then flicking his gaze back at you.

“No no its really okay.” Yoongi says, already walking away from the island.

"Okay, hyung." He says after a second his eyes wandering back to you observing your sour mood. Eyebrows furrowed with thought while you just chewed on the rice mixed with the curry not looking at Jungkook after waving to Yoongi.

Yoongi walks towards the doorway with slow steps, the footsteps echoing along with the tinkled spoon made inside the curry bowl. He grabs the keys and walks towards the two of you, giving you a nod and patting Jungkook’s back.

"Take care Y/N and you too, kook." He stares two seconds longer at the younger male and then nods at him. Jungkook gets up halfway to which Yoongi waves in a signal for Jungkook to not bother seeing him off.

The door clicks shut leaving you and Jungkook in silence.

"Y/N wha-"

"Eat, Jungkook."

At your stern tone, Jungkook flinches and just resumes eating in silence. Silence for almost 10 minutes. 10 slow and irritating minutes. It was like the clock ticked 10 seconds forward and then 40 seconds backward. The silence added to the awkwardness you both felt, making the time more unbearable.

Again, did you mention slow?

All the thoughts come back to your mind, every emotion holding your neck in a chokehold, everything that you’ve felt since the day started comes back. The conversation with your mom about how she asked you if you wanted to move back in with ever, you thought your mom wanted you to leave so you cried. All the emotions you felt then catching up to you.

The thoughts of being alone with him made you happy and cry at the same time in the afternoon while you finished working on the report your seniors asked you to finish before your leave started. You feel all the emotions you felt while rewatching the notebook in the evening before dinner. You feel all the emotions at once, those emotions which you felt when Jungkook called you from his car and, also when he called you from his office to check if you had your medicine.

The emotions of frustration and anger when Yoongi told you about the job offer and how your husband rejected it. The thoughts about something bad happening to your child come back and make your head dizzy. It's too much at the same time. You're happy that he is eating his food in silence because if he did say anything before you finish, you might actually run to the bathroom to vomit all of your emotions.

After minutes of frustration and anger and sadness and silence, you finally got up and almost threw the plate in the sink, Jungkook tried to get your plate but you just brushed past him huffing finally making Jungkook ask you the question you didn't want to hear and hear at the same time.

You wanted to talk to him about the whole thing and didn't at the same time. You were on an emotional rollercoaster, and Jungkook was gonna be the bird that hit the coaster blades, getting hurt.

"Y/N did I do something wrong?"

"Oh, do you do anything right these days Jungkook? I don't think so." You chuckle throwing the glass of water into the sink thankfully not breaking it.

Turning towards your husband, you immediately regret saying what you said because he just looks like a kicked puppy. Big eyes filled with gloss, nose red, and wobbly chin. His features make you feel like the worst human being on this planet.

"Y/N, I am sorry for whatever it is but can you tell me what's wrong?" He whispers looking- no, pleading with his eyes as you stand like a wall in front of him.

"You tell me, did you do anything to make me feel stupid and pathetic recently?" You say pointedly. Venom. Pure venom.

"Baby.."

"Don’t. Don't call me that." You say firmly.

"Shit- I am sorry Y/N please tell me what happened..wait-" You push yourself away from the counter instantly feeling the pain in your lower back.

“Bab- Y/N wait.” He rushes to your side holding one of your hands and one holding your waist, giving you support but somehow his touch stings, in the best way. You hate your mind and heart. You just hate it.

“No, I can walk myself I am not a toddler.” He doesn't let go of your hand even though you tell him to, he helps you walk towards your room. You try to tell him that you can walk alone but he doesn't listen instead he just hums or mutters 'I know' and it infuriates you more.

Why isn’t he saying anything? You’re literally acting like a spoiled kid right now.

Opening the door he walks you inside the room and helps you sit on the bed. As you take heavy breaths placing a hand on your chest you feel how rapidly your heart raced.

Removing the lid of the glass sitting on your nightstand, he helps you sip some of the liquid. You feel tears in your eyes and when he removes the glass from your lips he just smiles sadly at you and wipes the tears from your face with his thumb.

Leaning into his touch you say, "Why are you okay with me being like this to you?"

Okay, that's a dumb question to ask. You were so mad at him but when you look at him you feel like you are treating him like shit for something he doesn't deserve. Of course, he cheated on you, of course, you want to not love him because of that, and of course, your heart aches when you think of the betrayal but can you ever unlove him? Can you ever hurt him knowing you're gonna hurt him and not feel bad? Can you ever just look at him and feel nothing for him? Can you ever not love him?

Your head feels buzzed and when he speaks and your anger explodes.

"I deserve it, baby." You scrunch his t-shirt in your hand and pull him towards you, making him almost fall on you but he regains his balance by placing one of his hands on the comforter. With wide eyes, he just stares at you and the way your eyes brim with fresh tears. He tilts his head as if feeling guilty for the tears but you don't let him say anything.

"Why?" At this he looks at you confused.

The other tattooed hand finds its way on top of your wrist holding his t-shirt and you feel your sanity fly away for a second but at his confused expression, you feel your anger come back.

"Y/N what-" he sputters with big eyes

"Why did you reject the job offer?" you finally say.

Pin. Drop. Silence.

"What?" he breathes out.

"You think you can make that big of a decision by yourself? " you say sniffling.

"How did you-"

"How did I know? How about, why didn't I know?" You raise your voice slightly, and he shuts the door so that your parents don't get their sleep interrupted, tilting slightly towards the entrance, your bed not being that far from the door.

"Y/N I am sorr-" you cut him off mid sentence.

"Sorry? How many things are gonna be okay just because you apologize Jungkook?! It was your dream, you worked so hard for it.." you say feeling tears spill out of your eyes and when he just looks down at your lap with his lips twisted in a straight line guiltily, you can't help but yell at him a bit, "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

You didn't realize when your hand shifted from the t-shirt's neckline to his neck. You realize that only when his eyes shut for a second at the feeling of your hands on his face, the other hand coming to sit on top of the comforter on the other side of your body. Holding onto his face you asked him the question with big teary eyes, wet cheeks, and a wobbly chin.

"Tell me, kook?"

Sighing he answers, "Baby, they wanted me to go away."

"Don't lie to me, Jungkook, please. Yoongi told me they were ready to fix the schedule according to you -"

"And you think they were gonna do that for me forever?" He asks.

"Why did you say that I agreed then? Why did you lie? Why didn't you come talk to me? Do you think I wouldn't have understood or that you think it's not important for me to know?"

"Would you have let me quit if I wanted to?" He asked instantly.

You pause. Dammit.

"You see? That's why I didn't tell you. You're already handling so many responsibilities, I didn't wanna worry you more." He says, eyes turning soft.

You look at him. Eyes looking at him trying to find dishonesty, the thing was, Jungkook doesn't lie. Even after he did what he did, he came out to you truthfully. It hurt but you're where you are because he was honest. It's the bare minimum, honesty, but its rare. At least in your experience. But not with Jungkook. He can't lie.

"They were willing to change my schedule for me only until she is born.." he says looking at your tummy and then lifting his eyes to look at you.

"..I can't risk being away from you again. It might sound like I am lying but Y/N, baby, I don't wanna be away from you even for a single second. I wanna prove myself to be worthy of a second chance. I wanna be worthy of you and her. I can’t imagine my life even for a second without you or her. You can push me all you want, you can yell at me all you want but don't tell me that I should've chosen a job and not my family. I know I don’t have an answer for why I did what.." he pauses gulps and continues.

"...I did, I myself don't know why I did it, and trust me if I could turn back the time I would. But baby..." he puts his hand on yours that is resting on his cheek waiting for a second, barely visible, but he waits for some kind of negative reaction to him touching you. When he senses none, he continues,

"...I love you, and I will love you for my whole life, I will love you and my family until I breathe. I am so sorry for fucking things up but I want to fix them, I can fix them, we will fix it. Just don't please.." he squeezes his eyes shut slightly squeezing your hand as well.

"... don't ask me to go away from you. I can't live away from you. I would quit my job if that's what it takes to be with my family, to take care of my family, to take care of you, and to take care of us. Please tell me I can be with you, can you please tell me you don’t want me to go away? Pleas- “

You tell him exactly that, but not verbally because wasn’t it ironic how he feels sorry for not knowing why he did what he did when you don't even think of any second thoughts before you do what you do, without knowing why.

Lips crashing on his, you shut him up with an answer you feel him absorbing inside him. He freezes when you kiss him, his breath stuttering when you move your lips against him. You squeeze his t-shirt in desperate need, and you feel him flutter his eyelids against your cheekbones, your tears mixing with his, and he kisses you back.

Does it last? Does your happiness last? No.

As soon as he moves his lips, you hear him sniffle and break the kiss. His eyes are still red, and his cheeks are slightly wet as well. He sniffles again, but the only sound you can hear is your heartbreaking because he moves away.

Away from the bed. Away from the comforter. Away from the kiss. Away from you.

He gets up and takes a step back, shaking his head, eyes squeezed shut. He curses under his breath as if regaining his composure while you just stare at the space where he was sitting earlier.

“I- I am sorry, Y/N. I shouldn't, I can't. I am really sorry, I shouldn't. I just shouldn't. I am sorry.”

And he leaves the room, shutting the door, not completely but leaving it slightly ajar. It's just like he does always. You hear the kitchen tap opening. He probably is doing the dishes. You hear everything from outside the door, but you feel like there's radio silence in your room.

A low beep-like sound ringing in your ears, embarrassment? Hurt? Love? Anger? Betrayal? Pain? Need? Desire? You feel so much at once, and you don't know what to do with it. This is getting so much more fucked and somehow you both find new ways to make this way tougher than anyone can imagine.

After some time, you hear the lights outside click off, and you can't help but wish he came to you. He does, but only to keep a fresh glass of water on the nightstand. He wishes you good night in a whisper, glancing once at your face and then,

...leaves.

Well, shit.

___________________________________________

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[rosylix]

landfill

❝ Seungmin knows that his worth is wrapped up in his grades, his abilities, his mind. Pretty is not something he’s ever really aspired to be. And yet. He turns and catches sight of his jawline, the slope of his shoulders, the curve of his waist and hips. His collarbones are more pronounced and sticking out from his chest than they normally are. He looks good, he thinks. It’s not like he wanted this. He didn't ask for it, but his body is doing it anyway, and the longer he looks the more he realizes that he’s... okay with it? He might even like it. At least a little bit. Maybe he’s going crazy. ❞ or: seungmin has everything under control. it's not a big deal that he isn't eating the way he used to

pairing: seunglix (seungmin × felix)

wc: 10k+ (ongoing)

content: seungmin-centric, angst, heavy depictions of anxiety and disordered eating, seungmin is also autistic. to me <3 college au, seunglix roommates, fluff, friends to lovers, slow burn, minor sexuality crisis, happy/hopeful ending. cast is mainly '00 line

a/n: been posting this on ao3 the past week and finally gathered the courage to post here lol. this is just the first few chapters. pls mind the content warnings and do not read if these topics are uncomfortable for you at all 🫶

[read on ao3 here] | [playlist]

—

Is it a bit weird? Sure. But Seungmin isn't doing anything wrong.

He really isn't. There's nothing wrong with looking up the menu of the new restaurant his friends are dragging him out to. He just likes to be prepared. 

It's a habit, one that he picked up years ago and never quite shook off. And, really, it's smart. Right? Being prepared? Seungmin doesn't want to inconvenience anyone by taking too long to order when they're at the table. He just wants to know what he's walking into... so he doesn't have to stress.

He's not doing anything wrong. Not trying to look up nutrition facts or anything, even if his eyes flick to the numbers written in tiny script every now and then. But he doesn't really care about them.

…But should he? Would it look bad to order something with an egregious number of calories? Maybe it would be fine as long as he doesn't finish it.

“Seungmin? Hellooo?” 

His head snaps up, eyes meeting Felix's curious gaze from the adjacent car seat. The older is waving a hand in front of his face, a bemused smile on his lips.

“Hey, we're here. You good?” 

Seungmin blinks, looking around. Sure enough, Hyunjin and Jisung are standing outside, shutting their doors behind them with a resounding thud. He hadn't even heard them get out of the car. 

“Oh. Sorry. Yeah, I'm good,” Seungmin replies awkwardly, his voice cracking a bit through the words. “Just checking the menu.”

He holds up his phone as proof, showing the open webpage to Felix before distantly wondering if the other will find it weird or strange. But Felix just chuckles. “Yeah? You were zoning out pretty hard there.”

Seungmin shrugs and unbuckles his seatbelt, avoiding Felix's gaze. He knows the older boy doesn't mean anything by it, but he can't help the slight prickle of unease at the observation. It's nothing. He opens the door.

“Took you long enough,” Hyunjin says when he steps out, playfully attacking Seungmin with weird claw-like hands. “Too busy texting your secret girlfriend?”

Seungmin rolls his eyes, batting away Hyunjin’s hands. He’s used to the teasing by now; it comes with being the youngest in the group. But it's still annoying. “Shut up. I was not texting a girl.”

Jisung slings an arm over Seungmin's shoulders, grinning widely. “Oh? Then who were you texting?” He wiggles his eyebrows.

“I was not texting anyone,” he amends.

Felix chooses this moment to emerge from the backseat, ruffling Seungmin’s hair. “Yeah, our Seungminnie doesn't really talk to anyone but us.”

Seungmin scowls, trying to look annoyed and hide the slight flush he knows must be on his ears. “I talk to plenty of people.”

Hyunjin snorts. “Yeah, sure. Us, your sister, your parents, and your professors. Riveting conversations you’re having there.”

Seungmin flicks him in the forehead, which just earns him another laugh. Jisung chimes in from his other side, his grin growing even wider. “Come on, perfect reason for me to introduce you to my music guys!”

Right. Jisung's new friends. Upperclassmen, and the reason Seungmin is so anxious about this dinner — he's comfortable enough with his friends, but strangers? He bounces on his toes nervously.

“They’re gonna love you dude,” Jisung continues as they make their way to the entrance. “They don’t believe that I actually know someone with the voice of an angel.”

“Please,” Seungmin scoffs, even as he ducks his head, pursing his lips to fight a smile.

Felix smiles up at him. “Don’t worry, they’re really cool,” he assures, linking their arms together.

The restaurant is lively and bright. They’re led to a booth, and Seungmin silently thanks the gods it’s one of the more secluded ones. It's bad enough his nerves were already frayed just from the idea of this; he doesn’t need other people's eyes on him on top of it.

Felix pulls Seungmin along by the wrist and gestures for him to slide in before following suit, his knees bumping against Seungmin’s under the table. He belatedly realizes he's squished against the window. Great. No escape.

Hyunjin and Jisung take seats on the opposite side of the booth, already chatting animatedly about some drama Hyunjin is currently obsessed with.

Seungmin is suddenly very aware of the close proximity, the feeling of Felix's knee against his making him hyper-conscious of every move he makes. He tries to shift, but there's really not much room for manoeuvre. 

Felix pats his knee. “You okay?” he asks quietly, so the others wouldn't hear.

Seungmin shoots him a smile and nods. “I'm fine.” He's being stupid, he should loosen up.

The sound of approaching footsteps has Seungmin’s head snapping up as two unfamiliar faces approach their table. Jisung grins and waves them over. The first one, dressed in all black, smiles back and slides into the booth next to Jisung, ruffling the younger’s hair in greeting. The second one, shorter with sharp features, takes the seat next to Felix and pinches his cheek, causing Felix to yelp and whine in complaint.

Jisung launches into the introductions, his excitement palpable. “Guys, this is Changbin hyung and Chan hyung; both are older than us and do music with me.” He gestures to each of them in turn.

Changbin salutes. “Sup, kids.”

“This is Hyunjin,” Jisung continues, pointing next to him, “And this is Seungmin.”

Hyunjin waves cheerfully, and Seungmin nods, putting on a polite smile.

Chan's eyes light up in recognition. “Jisung talks about you guys a lot.”

Hyunjin snorts and mutters something along the lines of “I'm sure he does”. Seungmin feels his face heating up, his smile turning a shade more sheepish. “Good things, I hope?”

Chan chuckles. “Only the best, don't worry.”

Changbin leans across the table with a grin. “He's been hyping up your vocals. Says you've got some insane range.”

Seungmin blinks, feeling a bit self conscious in front of these people he's never met. He gives a nonchalant shrug. “Ah, I don't know about that…”

Jisung shoots a smile his way. “He's humble too.”

Thankfully, they don't stay on the topic for long; the conversation flows from music to classes to the new video game Felix is dying to get everyone to play with him. Despite the hint of nerves still buzzing under his skin, Seungmin finds himself warming up to the older boys. There's something comfortable about them, both of them so charming and easy-going. For a moment he relaxes. Everything is fine.

That is, until a menu is placed in front of him and his chest suddenly feels tight, like someone's wrapped a hand around his lungs and is squeezing.

Seungmin glances down at the laminated sheet, feeling a wave of unease creeping up his spine, the urge to run away. It's silly. It’s just a menu, he's done this a million times before. But it feels suddenly much more daunting in a new place, with new people. The text swims before his eyes, blending together and making it impossible to concentrate.

He takes a slow, deep breath through his nose, trying to steady himself. It's fine. This is why he already looked at the menu, already prepared for this. 

The problem is that his brain, for some reason, immediately spirals into worrying about what the others will think of what he eats, that they'll comment on it, or somehow judge him for it. Of course, it's probably irrational, no one would really care, but…

The others are still talking, but he barely hears them, too focused on running his order through his mind, trying to ignore the pounding in his ears.

He doesn't even care. He doesn't.

He breathes in, out, and manages to order one of the options he decided on in the car — something safe, light, that he knows he'll like, and that won't be too messy. And… nothing happens, no one looks at him weirdly and the world doesn't implode on itself. Of course it doesn't.

He forces his muscles to relax, taking another slow, silent breath. Easy. Why was he so stressed?

The conversation has continued without him; he's grounded back into it when Felix breaks into laughter and leans into him, head falling onto his shoulder as he shakes with barely restrained giggles.

Seungmin looks down, notices the way the dim lighting casts shadows across Felix’s face, the way his eyes crinkle stupidly when he smiles like this.

“Oh my god,” Felix laughs, peering up at him. “Seungmin. Tell Hyunjin he's an idiot.”

“Hey!” the other protests. “Not fair. You're on my side, right Seungmin?”

Seungmin raises an eyebrow. He has no idea what this is about, but does he really need to? “You're an idiot,” he says dryly.

“See!” Felix shouts, and the rest of the table follows his laughter. Hyunjin slumps and makes a show of looking pouty and betrayed.

Felix continues giggling, still leaning on Seungmin's shoulder. He's close enough that Seungmin can feel his breath on his neck. It's kind of distracting.

He doesn't mind, though. It feels warm.

The food arrives soon afterwards. It looks delicious, but he can't help but stare down at it, the thought of actually eating making him uneasy.

But he has to. He can’t let the others know how weird he is about this. And he’s hungry.

He takes a deep breath in, then out, and starts picking at his food. 

Jisung and Hyunjin are bickering again, and Chan seems to be chiding them, but Seungmin’s head is buzzing with static. It's good. He's fairly sure it's good, at least. He doesn't really taste anything — It's a bit difficult to focus on the taste, or the conversation happening around him for that matter, everything blurring around him. His attention is focused solely on not drawing attention to himself. He actually quite likes being in the corner of the booth, now that he thinks about it.

Sure, Seungmin's always been a bit highly strung; there's always been a vague sense of needing to be proper, decorous in front of others — but it's rarely so overwhelming. Right now just the thought of taking each bite feels like a monumental task.

It's stupid. It's stupid and silly and embarrassing. He doesn't even understand where the feeling is coming from right now. All he knows is he wants to look good in front of his friends.

It doesn't feel like a lot of time passes, but it must be too much because he realizes everyone else is finishing up and — he looks down — he still has over half a plate full. What the hell? How did they eat so quickly? 

He slowly pushes his plate a couple inches forward, not wanting to be the only one eating. Then everyone would definitely stare at him.

Across from him, Hyunjin of course notices. “Seungminnie, you weren't hungry?”

“Uhh… Nah, not really,” he says, even though he is still a little hungry. It's fine. He can just get a box for it. “I had a big lunch, I guess.”

He doesn't really know why he said that. It just… came out, but the others nod and a strange thrill runs through him at how easy it was to lie. Sure, it's not over anything consequential, but still. Seungmin doesn't tend to lie about anything. It's kind of exhilarating, he realizes.

“That’s crazy,” Jisung says. “Lunch feels like forever ago, man.”

Seungmin shrugs. “I guess.” He glances down at the table without thinking too much of it.

...Felix is looking at him.

Seungmin can't really read his expression. Felix doesn't seem to suspect anything though, just smiles easily at him when their eyes meet.

Not long after, they say their goodbyes, Seungmin walking out of the restaurant with a box of leftovers and invitations from the two upperclassmen to keep in touch for opportunities to do some vocals for a few songs.

In the car, Hyunjin and Jisung start chattering again, but Seungmin tunes them out, eyes glued out the window, watching the world go by. The sky is just starting to go dark, night falling later each day as summer draws near.

Felix nudges him. “You’re quiet.”

Seungmin glances over. Felix looks so bright. “Am I?”

“Yeah,” Felix replies, a slight smirk on his face. “You’ve got the classic Kim Seungmin look.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

He taps his chin, as if considering it. “The blank face. The wide eyes. The thousand-yard stare.”

Seungmin huffs out a laugh, torn between amusement and indignation. “I do not have a look.”

“Okay, my bad,” Felix grins, holding his hands up. “But, did you not have a good time?”

“No, I did. It was fun.”

Felix relaxes. “Good. I hope they wanna work with you. I think you’d hit it off.”

“Yeah, maybe,” he nods. “They seem pretty good.”

Felix hums, then gives him a sidelong glance. “You were being very agreeable tonight. It was kind of weird.”

Seungmin bristles at the suggestion. “...I’m always polite.”

“Sure,” Felix teases. “But not to that extent. Usually you're way more annoying.”

Seungmin shrugs, still feeling oddly detached. “You're annoying.” 

Felix laughs. He shifts in his seat, tilting his head a bit, eyeing Seungmin closely. His gaze is a bit too keen, and Seungmin turns away, eyes fixed back on the blurring world outside.

“Did you get enough to eat?” 

The question takes him by surprise, and he glances back over, his grip on the box in his lap tightening. “Of course,” he replies quickly.

It slides off his tongue a little too easily. He didn't even get to think about it before it came out. His heart thumps against his ribcage, guilt prickling his gut. He knows he should feel bad about lying, but there's also that weird rush in his chest again, like… adrenaline, or dopamine or something.

“Okay,” Felix smiles.

Luckily, before he has to say anything else, Jisung's attention is drawn to a song that fades in over the radio, and he starts scream-singing at the top of his lungs.

Hyunjin groans and starts shouting at him that he's being distracting and, “if we crash it's not my damn fault” — and the rest of the drive is drowned in the loud, comfortable noise of his friends.

—

Things go back to normal after that. He was just having a weird night.

Seungmin’s routine has always been a steady, measured thing. He wakes up, goes to class, studies, hangs out with his friends. Normal.

And he eats, too. Usually. If he starts missing meals here and there, it's only because classes are ramping up and he doesn't have time to meet up with his friends for meals as often. 

It's absolutely nothing to do with the feeling of a thousand eyes on him any time he enters the dining hall.

Things are fine. Everything's fine, he tells himself, even when he ends up skipping lunch a few days in a row because he's too anxious to go into the cafeteria. It's not that big of a deal, it's just lunch. And it's not like he hasn't skipped meals before. Like, he's fine, he's healthy. Everyone skips meals, they eat later, it's not a big deal.

Of course, he wants to eat. But his brain is just as capable of coming up with reasons not to, and he's learned that he can usually go a while before it becomes difficult. And, to be honest, it's not like he minds being hungry. It gives him a strange sense of satisfaction that he doesn't really understand himself.

He supposes, in a way, it's almost a relief. His mind has more space to focus on school. And even on other things — Jisung managed to convince him to record some vocals for a couple songs he and the upperclassmen he met have been working on. So, he's been hanging around the studios in the music department these days too. It's enough to keep himself distracted.

His friends are busy too, of course. There are tests and assignments and group projects and finals looming in the distance, and it's natural enough for Seungmin to decline their occasional invitations to go out. They know he isn't the most extroverted person anyway.

He sees Felix daily though, seeing as they live together. Seungmin, to his own annoyance, feels almost paranoid around him. It's a bit ridiculous, he thinks, to feel that way. Felix isn't looking too closely. There's no reason for him to be. Seungmin eats in front of him; it’s easier when it’s just the two of them.

He mostly eats alone though, tries to find time in the mornings before class, or brings food to his room during the day. 

He keeps telling himself he's not really skipping meals, just waiting to eat, and it's not a lie; it's not like he's starving himself or anything. He eats. He’s eating right now, sitting in the kitchen having breakfast, when Felix pads into the kitchen. 

“Mornin’,” Felix mumbles, not quite fully awake yet and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Seungmin watches from the corner of his vision as Felix approaches; he looks adorable, and Seungmin lets his gaze drift over him — Felix's hair is rumpled from sleep, the morning light from the window making his skin glow, highlighting the sharp angle of his collarbones, the slender line of his throat. He yawns, eyes squeezing shut as his arms stretch out, causing his shirt to ruck up, revealing a strip of smooth stomach.

Seungmin swallows thickly and quickly looks away. “Morning.”

Felix pours himself a glass of banana milk and drops in the seat across from Seungmin, resting his chin on his hand and yawning softly.

Seungmin glances at him, then down at his cereal, stirring the spoon around idly. 

“What’re you up to today?” Felix asks.

“Not much. I have a math quiz,” Seungmin says, taking a bite of cereal and trying to chew as normally as possible.

Felix nods sleepily and sips his milk. His eyes are still half-lidded, but he watches Seungmin closely, head tilted to the side.

Seungmin finds it difficult to hold his gaze, suddenly hyper-aware of everything. Is he being normal? He feels like he’s being weird.

“You look tired,” Felix mumbles. “When did you sleep? You've been at the studio a lot.”

Seungmin shrugs, forcing another spoon of cereal into his mouth. “Not that late.”

Felix eyes him, expression unreadable. “Are the guys working you real hard?” he persists.

Seungmin snorts. “I don't think they're trying to work me to death. It's fun,” he says. “And it's nice to be busy.”

“Oh god,” Felix huffs out a laugh. “You sound like Chris. Please don't become a workaholic like him. I'm trying to get you to be less uptight.”

Seungmin rolls his eyes. “I won't,” he promises.

Felix continues to stare at him and Seungmin tries to keep up the pretense of normalcy, but he feels on edge, like he needs to escape. Please stop looking at me.

After another beat of silence, Felix stands up, stretching and yawning again. “'Kay,” he sighs, and Seungmin feels like he can breathe again. “I gotta get ready. I'll see you later, yeah? Good luck on your quiz.”

Seungmin gives a distracted nod. “Yeah. Yeah, thanks.” 

His body sags with relief when Felix leaves the room. He starts to get a weird feeling in his stomach — guilt almost, at the possibility that Felix could tell something’s up. But Seungmin’s not doing anything wrong, he reminds himself, and after a moment of staring into the cereal bowl, now undoubtedly soggy, he pushes it back and stands up to clear everything away.

—————

If Seungmin’s being honest with himself, which has been getting increasingly difficult lately, he’s not even trying not to eat. It’s not like he actively tries to skip meals. It’s just easy, is all. It’s effortless. He's been waking up later, struggling to roll out of bed until he doesn’t really have time in the morning for breakfast anymore, and then he’s usually busy studying around lunchtime so he skips that, too. It’s a good thing, really, because the school's cafeteria food is garbage anyway.

And if he starts losing weight — well, it's not like he couldn't stand to lose a few pounds. He doesn't really keep track of his weight either way.

He doesn’t think it’s particularly noticeable anyway; his friends don’t question it much. Just occasionally suggest that he should eat, or complain that he never has meals with them anymore, and he laughs it off, claims he’s busy or not hungry. He doesn’t think Felix notices anything either — the most his roommate ever does is give him a little pout when Seungmin starts turning down his offers to order food at night, but he lets it go too.

He feels better than he used to, at least he thinks he does. He feels lighter. And he likes it. But mostly, he likes feeling like he's in control of himself, his routines, his actions. It's grounding. It keeps him focused.

He spends a majority of his time alone, but he doesn't mind. His life is very precise. His class schedule is consistent, the places he goes, the hours he goes, every hour accounted for. If anything, not eating has opened up hours of his day; hours that could be better spent doing more important things. Literally anything else.

Still, when the hunger gets a bit too much, he figures he should try to meet with his friends for lunch. It helps to keep up appearances, to seem normal — even if his own sense of normal has drastically changed.

It's nothing to worry much about, he thinks, forcing himself to meet with the others in the dining hall.

Felix has a slice of pizza in front of him and Hyunjin pokes him and complains, “If you’re not going to eat that—”

Felix tries to shield it, slapping Hyunjin’s hand away. “Get your own! Get your own food, you goblin!”

Seungmin watches the scene unfold silently, a half-eaten sandwich in his grip and a faint smile on his face.

The cafeteria seems louder than usual today, too much commotion around him. The thought of eating in front of everyone is enough to make him nauseous, and he has to consciously go through the movements, taking the smallest little bites, and tries his best to swallow around the lump in his throat.

His friends are here, and it’s been a while since he’s had lunch, and he's hungry. He wants to eat.

He glances up, eyes scanning the room quickly. 

No one's looking. No one cares. But it feels like a million eyes are on him. His stomach ties itself up in knots. Like the moment he takes a bite, everyone in the room will look at him, knowing what he's doing.

Which is stupid, obviously. But even still… “I'm not too hungry,” he says, and finds that it's not even a lie. His appetite seems to have diminished as quickly as the time it takes him to wrap up the sandwich and put it in his bag for later. He's sure he'll finish it later. When there's less eyes on him.

Felix looks up at him with a raised eyebrow. “You didn’t eat much,” he observes.

He was watching. Seungmin swallows. “I’ll eat later. Not really in the mood right now.”

It really doesn't feel like a lie, but Felix's gaze seems like it's piercing straight through him. Seungmin quickly interrupts whatever the other might have been about to say with a clear of his throat as he slides his chair back and stands. “I actually have to… Uh, I wanted to hit office hours real quick. Chem, y'know.”

The words fly out easily, surprising Seungmin even as he says them. Hyunjin frowns and says, “Boo,” disappointedly; Jisung glances up from the game on his phone for a split second to say, “Nerd,” before returning his attention back down.

Seungmin rolls his eyes. “At least I'm not failing any of my classes,” he retorts. Jisung just flips him off without looking up from his screen.

Felix laughs and he leans back in his seat. “Okay, nerd,” he agrees. “See you later?”

“Yeah.”

He waves a vague goodbye and grabs his bag off the table, trying to ignore the twisting, guilty feeling in his stomach. He leaves the cafeteria, faintly hearing Hyunjin shriek, “Wait, Han Jisung, you're failing—” before he's out of earshot. He moves as quickly as possible without actually running, and he only manages to pass a couple buildings before he ends up with his back against the side of one, his heartbeat loud in his ears.

He’s sweating and his face is hot. Why does it feel like he just ran a lap? 

He lets his head fall back against the brick. This is ridiculous. He knows it’s silly, he really does, but he can’t shake the feeling that he’d almost been… what, caught? 

He takes a few deep breaths, trying to get a grip. It's fine. He’s fine. Nothing is wrong. He just lied again, sure, but it’s not like it was a big deal. A white lie. The kind that doesn't matter.

…God, he is awful.

Not because his friends know something. Because they don't, and Seungmin has somehow managed to trick them — to lie, like it's nothing. And he actually feels relieved to have gotten away with it. 

Seungmin can’t say he’s proud of himself. How has it come to this? He used to be honest.

He used to be normal.

He swallows. It's been a weird couple weeks. He’s just stressed. It’s his first year at university and he needs to finish strong. He has a lot of work to do. Finals are approaching, and… yeah. 

He pushes himself off the brick, grateful for the fact that it's not between classes right now so no one's really around. Well, it's not like he can actually go to the science building, unless he just wants to waste time. He heads for the library instead.

The cool air inside is a relief, and he ducks into a secluded corner table and sits down, letting himself relax. He pulls out his laptop, figuring he can at least get some work done while he's here, and his half-eaten sandwich stares at him from inside his bag.

Oh. He should eat it. That was the plan. He unwraps the sandwich and stares down at it.

He’s hungry. He is. The pangs in his stomach from earlier are still lingering, and the sandwich looks like the only thing in the world he wants right now, and yet…

He should eat the sandwich. He needs to eat it.

His fingers wrap loosely around the wrapper. And then he’s just sitting there, staring. His stomach feels weird. Acid swirls uncomfortably. This isn’t right.

The surroundings seem to close in on him; the soft sounds of people talking, pages rustling, the clicking of keyboards. He’s still in a secluded area, but the library is hardly an empty place. And people might be looking at him, noticing, judging the fact that he’s just sitting here with food in his hands and not eating it, they’re all staring—

He lets the sandwich slip from his grip and folds his arms on the table to bury his head into. He squeezes his eyes shut for a few moments and just tries to focus on his breathing, on the feeling of air in his lungs and of his chest expanding with each inhale. His own voice in his head is so loud. He doesn't want to think. He doesn't want to think about anything but the air filling his lungs. He wishes it was enough to fill his stomach too.

He doesn’t know how long he stays like that. Seconds. Minutes. Hours. Probably just minutes. He manages to lift his head eventually, blinking away the black spots left behind his eyelids.

He's fine. He's just a bit off these days. He'll get it together.

He packs the sandwich back up and shoves it in his bag, then leaves the library. He cannot miss class.

It's fine. It's fine. He will eat later, he promises himself.

—

The rest of the week slips by. He goes to class. He works on assignments. He eats enough to get by.

He does not eat lunch in the cafeteria anymore.

It’s just… a bit uncomfortable these days. It’s gotten to the point that he feels too awkward to eat even in front of his friends. He doesn’t like the weight of Felix’s eyes on him, as if he’s scanning every little movement Seungmin makes.

So he eats usually in his own room, when he can, and lets everyone get used to him eating less. After a while, no one bats an eye when he doesn't finish anything, when he turns down snacks and invites. 

No one cares. They’re all distracted with their own coursework and assignments and preparing for exams. Seungmin is just like everyone else. Busy. Stressed. Overworked. Normal.

At least, he thought so. But of course, Felix is too damn observant for his own good. Which is why it probably shouldn't be a surprise that, as Seungmin settles down on the couch next to him with a book and a glass of water, he brings it up. He keeps his tone casual, his eyes trained on the video game he’s playing, almost like it’s an afterthought.

“Are you dieting?”

Seungmin nearly chokes on his water. He coughs for a moment and shoots him a bewildered look. “What?”

“Are you dieting,” he repeats, eyes still fixed on the game, fingers tapping rapidly at the buttons on his controller. 

Seungmin swallows. How does he even respond to that? Denial seems pointless, Felix isn’t stupid. But admitting it feels even worse.

“...It's fine if you are, I guess,” Felix continues. “Not that you need to, like at all. I was just curious. I feel like I never see you eat anything these days.”

Seungmin frowns at that, because, “You do.”

“Barely,” Felix responds. He glances at Seungmin for a few moments, and Seungmin can’t stand it. “So, are you? Dieting?”

Felix notices how little he eats. He cringes. But also… Felix notices how little he eats. There's something electrifying at the thought of his self-control being appreciable to others. Because he is. In control, that is. He is in control and he's fine.

“I'm not,” he says, the words coming out a bit more curt than he intended. Even though he really isn't, not intentionally at least, it still feels wrong to say. He doesn't like that word. Dieting. It makes it sound… intentional. Voluntary. Something done with a reason, and a goal in sight.

“You're not?”

He picks at a loose thread on his sleeve. “No,” he says, more quietly this time. “It's just… finals are coming up so…”

The character dies on screen, and Felix lets out a disappointed sigh at the loss of progress. He finally lowers his controller, turning his gaze towards Seungmin.

“I know you’re busy,” he says. “But don’t overwork yourself, okay? You should always make time to eat.”

“Okay.” Seungmin has to fight off a wave of irritation. He does eat, he doesn't need to be lectured. He's fine. He’s got everything under control.

There’s a long silence. Then, he hears the quiet clatter of a controller being put down and feels the couch shift as Felix turns to look at him.

“Seungmin-ah.”

He’s not sure if he’s thankful or terrified of the way Felix’s voice has softened the slightest bit. It’s difficult to look at him like this. He’s all big eyes and concern, and Seungmin both hates it and craves it so intensely that it feels like his heart might explode out of his chest.

“What,” he says, voice strained.

Felix’s expression is too soft. He reaches out and tugs Seungmin closer, wrapping his arms around him before he can react.

“I’m not trying to tell you what to do, Seungmin,” he says with a sigh.

Seungmin can’t even find it in himself to struggle or pull away. He just sits there and lets Felix hold him, feels the way his heart is slamming against his ribs. Feels the way he suddenly doesn't want to be anywhere other than this, the safe circle of Felix’s arms, surrounded with warmth and a feeling like maybe there's something good in the world. 

“Just…” Felix hesitates. “Just take care of yourself, okay? That’s all. And don’t forget to eat before your classes, yeah? Don’t just go on caffeine all day like Jisung. He's an idiot.”

Seungmin manages a weak laugh, still caught in the prison of Felix’s arms. “Yeah, yeah. Okay.”

Felix holds him for another few seconds before he leans back and pats Seungmin’s head, grinning. “Good.” Seungmin almost misses the feel of Felix’s skin, but he pushes the thought away.

Felix grabs his controller, attention turning back to the screen as he loads his save. “Well, I'm glad if you're not dieting,” he says after a bit. “Come have lunch with us tomorrow. I miss you. I can only watch Jisung endlessly grind at his gacha games so much.”

Seungmin knows it’s a terrible idea. Knows it, knows he’ll regret it, and yet… “Okay,” he mumbles. Then, to change the topic, he glances at the game. “Can I try?”

Felix blinks, then grins at him. “What, you think you can do better than me?”

Obviously not. Still— “Sure as hell can't do worse,” he says, reaching out, and Felix laughs and pushes the controller into his hands before grabbing another for himself.

“Let’s do co-op. Maybe we'll actually have a fighting chance together.”

They fail, of course — over and over again, because Felix isn't very good at the game either and keeps getting distracted by the need to complain about the things they keep dying to, how they’re clearly flaws in the game design. Which is literally everything, apparently. But it's nice. 

When he looks over, Felix’s smile is like the sun, and Seungmin has to look away, feeling like he might actually disappear entirely under that light, melt into a puddle and drown in it; or fully ignite, like a big ant caught under a tiny magnifying glass. 

————— 

Seungmin ends up skipping lunch the following day anyway.

He tries to go. He wakes up feeling decent, like it’ll be fine, and he even skips breakfast in preparation. But then he thinks about the cafeteria and all of the other students and he's starting to feel a bit…

He distracts himself in classes and schoolwork but gets so caught up in it that time just seems to pass him by, and suddenly it's afternoon and the hunger is a dull, gnawing ache he’s managed to successfully ignore. 

He remembers the day with the sandwich in the library. That was out of his routine. If he just sticks to his routine, everything will be fine.

Definitely.

A knock on his door startles him out of his homework. He glances up at the clock and realizes hours have passed, the sun outside his window already beginning to sink, making the shadows grow longer. His stomach growls.

“Seungmin?”

He blinks, hesitating for a second before calling back, “Yeah?”

Felix peeks his head through the door, smiling when he sees Seungmin. “Hi.”

“Hey,” he says. “What's up?”

Felix strolls into the room and lets the door fall shut behind him. “I was looking for you,” he says, dropping onto Seungmin’s bed. He grins and stretches out across the surface, arms splayed out, as if it’s his own bed. 

Seungmin doesn’t think he’d mind if Felix decided to claim it as his own, honestly. “Looking for me?”

Felix nods, hands pillowing the back of his head, stretching the fabric of his shirt around his waist. Seungmin doesn’t know why his eyes decide to focus on that.

“Yeah,” Felix says, tilting his head back so he’s looking at Seungmin upside down. “I didn’t see you at lunch.”

Seungmin tries to maintain a blank expression, but he’s pretty sure he pales a bit at that. Stupid. He should have gone.

“Oh. Sorry.”

Felix hums and Seungmin waits for the inevitable question that he won't have an answer to. Why didn't you show up? Or, why aren’t you eating? Or even, are you okay?

But Felix just says, “It was boring without you.”

“Oh.”

The bedsprings creak a bit as Felix rolls over and props himself up on his elbows. “Hyunjin’s schedule finally allowed him to make it on time, which would’ve been nice but he and Jisung kept arguing like an old married couple.” He sighs theatrically. “It was hell.”

Felix pouts. Seungmin swallows nervously, but manages to roll his eyes. “Sounds like it.”

“I'm serious, it wouldn't have been nearly as painful if you were there,” Felix says, and he sounds sincere, as if his day was truly miserable because of Seungmin’s absence. It’s so ridiculous and yet… it does make him smile. “You’re, like, the glue, you know. We’re falling apart without you.”

Seungmin lets out a breath of laughter. “Are you trying to guilt me?”

Felix grins at him. “Is it working?”

It’s working so well. Felix is looking at him with those dumb sincere eyes, and Seungmin can almost taste the guilt, heavy like syrup, on his tongue.

“Maybe,” he admits quietly.

Felix’s expression softens. He pats the spot next to him on the bed. “C’mere.”

Seungmin frowns. “What?”

Felix pats the bed more incessantly. Seungmin stares. “You’re wrinkling my sheets,” he says weakly, not moving.

Felix just shrugs, making grabby hands at him

Seungmin hates that he gives in almost instantly. Why does he always do what Felix wants? He stands up from his chair and walks over, not sitting yet. Felix looks up at him for a moment, then grabs Seungmin’s arm and drags him down.

“Dude—” he starts to protest, but Felix is stronger than he looks and Seungmin loses his balance, falling onto the mattress, half on top of Felix.

Felix laughs — a bright, beautiful thing — and slings an arm around him, trapping him. He smells like vanilla. 

Seungmin tries to pull away, but Felix’s grip is tight. “Felix,” he grumbles, “Let me go.”

“No. You’re mine now.”

Felix grins and his free arm circles around Seungmin’s waist, pulling him closer, and Seungmin feels his heart stop for a moment. This is terrible. Felix is so close and warm and Seungmin is so tired. “Stop.” He puts a hand on Felix’s chest and tries to push himself up but Felix just tightens his hold.

“Nuh-uh. Stay.”

Seungmin glares. “I’m not a damn dog.”

Felix laughs and Seungmin starts to squirm a little, to no avail. “But you’d be such a cute puppy,” Felix coos.

“You’re annoying.” Seungmin’s face is probably very red. “Let me go.”

Felix shakes his head. “Only if you come to dinner with us tonight.”

Seungmin falters. He’s still pressed against Felix, and Felix’s arms are wrapped around him, keeping him locked into place. His heart is beating way too fast and he’s definitely too close, he’s about to just shove him away but then Felix says, “Please?”

It’s too much. Felix is looking at him with those big, wide eyes and he’s smiling his soft smile and Seungmin’s resolve is already cracking. He swallows.

“I don’t have a choice, do I?”

“Come on,” Felix pleads. “You never eat lunch anymore, and you weren’t at dinner the last few times either. It’s been, like, forever. I miss you.”

Seungmin sighs. Tries to pretend that hearing Felix say he missed him doesn’t have his heart pounding, make him feel like he’s flying. “...Alright.”

Felix grins, as if Seungmin has just given him the greatest gift in the world. “Yeah?”

He finally relaxes his grip, freeing Seungmin to push himself up. Felix stays laying back on the bed, though, and he looks so pretty with the fading evening sunlight painting his skin golden.

“Yeah.” 

Seungmin can’t believe he actually let Felix convince him to go. He just feels worn down, so, so tired, and giving in means he doesn’t have to lie or make up excuses anymore. At least for one night. He can do this. 

And he does really miss spending time with his friends.

“Oh my god. He lives!” Jisung whoops and hollers when Seungmin and Felix approach Hyunjin’s car, as if he didn’t already know Seungmin was coming from their group chat.

“Hey, loser.” Hyunjin grins at him when they get to the car. “I was beginning to think you fell into a black hole.”

Seungmin sighs. “Please don’t say things like that.”

He gets into the backseat. Felix takes the seat beside him, immediately leaning over to rest his head on Seungmin’s shoulder. It’s supposedly only a short drive, which is good, because Seungmin’s pretty sure that if he has to sit through the feeling of Felix pressed against his side for very long he’ll actually snap.

Felix hums along to the radio. Occasionally his fingers trace random patterns over the hem of Seungmin’s shirt or down his arm absentmindedly. Seungmin just lets it happen, lets his brain be filled with buzzing pleasant static.

He feels warm. He could close his eyes and fall asleep like this…

Felix taps his forehead. “Wake up, sleeping beauty."

Huh? Seungmin blinks his eyes open. “I… wasn’t sleeping.”

Felix gives him a dubious look. Jisung twists around from the passenger seat to grin at him. “You sure looked like you were.”

“He definitely was,” Hyunjin chimes in.

He’s about to tell them both to shut up and mind their own business, but then Felix says, “You’re cute like this,” and Seungmin’s words die in his throat.

He stares at Felix, because what is that supposed to mean, but Felix is just smiling at him. He feels his ears warming up. “Shut up,” he grumbles, and Felix giggles, poking his cheek.

“Are you blushing?”

Seungmin does not blush. He’s not blushing. He lifts his head and looks away; the parking lot outside the window is absolutely riveting.

Felix just laughs again and leans forward to grab Jisung’s shoulder. “He’s blushing,” he whispers loudly.

Jisung cackles. “Oh my god, cute.”

Why are all of Seungmin’s friends losers. “I hope you all fall off a cliff.”

“Wow! That’s so sweet of you, Seungie,” Jisung coos.

Felix pats Seungmin’s head as if he really is a damn dog. “You’re just too cute. Our sleepy maknae.”

Seungmin huffs and pushes his hand away. “Stop it.”

Felix grins. “So touchy.”

“Can we please,” Hyunjin groans. “Please all get out before I actually decide to run us off a cliff?”

Thank god for Hwang Hyunjin. Seungmin sighs and gets out, only to have Felix skip up to his side and link their arms together as soon as he approaches. Seungmin looks down at the place their skin is touching — Felix’s arm looped around his own, warm and firm. His heart is doing that thing it shouldn’t do and Felix is smiling, but Seungmin feels strangely hollow all of a sudden. His brain just feels slow. Tired. He wants to sit down.

“Sorry,” Felix suddenly says.

Seungmin blinks. “What? For what?”

He grins sheepishly. “For embarrassing you.”

Oh. “That’s not— It’s fine.”

Felix smiles and gives Seungmin’s arm a squeeze. “C’mon.”

Seungmin lets himself be pulled forward. The restaurant is one Seungmin’s not sure he’s ever been to, and he wishes he hadn’t been so stupid as to fall asleep in the car because he’s not familiar with the menu here.

They find a booth in the corner and Seungmin lets Felix shove him into the corner seat, sitting beside him. Jisung sits across from him and Hyunjin ends up on the end. Everyone starts reading the menu, and Seungmin stares down at his own, which is kind of spinning in front of his eyes. He doesn’t have much of an appetite.

He scans the items, and to his horror the numbers keep sticking out to him — calorie counts written neatly next to every dish, glaring at him almost gleefully. Seungmin shifts in his seat, an uncomfortable feeling settling in his gut. Even the safest choices look off-limits with those giant numbers next to them.

When had it started to matter to him?

Seungmin lets the others carry the conversation, his eyes focused on the laminated sheet in front of him. He grimaces. Everything just looks so heavy.

A finger taps on the table in front of him and he jerks, looking up. “Hm?”

Felix tilts his head at him. “I said, what are you getting?”

“Oh.” Seungmin glances down, as if he hasn’t been staring at the menu for the past five minutes. “I don’t— I don’t know, yet.”

Felix hums. “It all looks pretty good.”

Seungmin swallows — he’s suddenly way too conscious of himself and the way he’s sitting, his hands curled in his lap, his heart thudding in his chest like it’s trying to escape his body. This was a bad idea. He should have stayed home.

Felix is frowning at him. “Seungmin-ah, is everything okay?”

Seungmin looks away, trying to collect himself. He feels a bit like the room’s spinning. “Fine,” he manages. “I'm not feeling super hungry right now.” He bites his cheek. Stupid. Felix knows he skipped lunch. It’s so obviously a lie.

He expects protest, concern, maybe anger. He's bracing for it, but Felix just hums, scrutinizes Seungmin’s face. Then, “Okay,” he says easily. “Wanna share with me? I'm not super hungry right now either.” 

Seungmin blinks. He sounds so casual, and Seungmin wants to call bullshit because Felix is always hungry, and yet suddenly he’s okay with ordering less — just because Seungmin doesn’t want to?

“You… aren't?” he says weakly.

Felix shrugs, smiling, like it really is that simple. “I don’t want to be too full for dessert.”

Seungmin’s not sure it’s normal to be so affected by someone’s easy smile, their casual words. It makes his chest ache. “You’re ridiculous,” he manages with a laugh.

Felix giggles and shoves Seungmin’s arm. “Whatever. Just share with me. You like chicken, right?”

Seungmin hesitates for a moment, then nods. 

Felix smiles back at him like it's a sealed deal. Whatever. It’s better this way, he thinks. He’ll just have a little bit of what Felix orders. Then he can go home and go directly to bed, try to sleep off this strange dizziness.

“Alright, this is the fun part. Look at the desserts with me,” Felix says and starts pointing out items on the menu to Seungmin, his knee bumping against Seungmin’s under the table. “Like, look at this monster of a sundae. Holy shit.”

Seungmin looks, notices the number next to it — holy shit, indeed. He nods along before Felix finally settles on something — an enormous slice of cheesecake. “I need you to help me eat this,” he says, grinning.

Seungmin stares down at the tiny image. “I might die,” he says, and it might be the most sincere thing he’s said all day. 

“You will die,” Jisung interrupts, peering over the table to look at the picture. Seungmin had kind of forgotten he wasn't alone at the table with Felix this whole time. “Trust me. I speak from experience.”

Felix sighs. “But it’ll be such a happy death.”

Jisung nods somberly in agreement. “It is a damn good death. You’ll die happy.”

Seungmin snorts. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted,” he deadpans.

“Don’t worry,” Felix giggles. “Only a little diabetes.”

Jisung’s eyes light up. “Oh, no, it’s gonna be way worse than that,” he says. “Like, expect at least a quadruple bypass. Probably.”

“Jisung.” Hyunjin looks up from his phone. “Stop trying to scare them just so you can steal it for yourself.”

“I'm not!” Jisung protests, then turns back to Felix and Seungmin with a grin. “No, actually that's completely correct.”

They’re all idiots. Seungmin sighs and leans back in his seat — he's really tired, a bit lightheaded almost. He kind of wants to just put his head down and close his eyes right here.

“You okay?”

Seungmin blinks, looking over at Felix. “Huh?”

They're walking back to their dorm, having just said their goodbyes to Jisung and Hyunjin. The air is cold against Seungmin’s skin despite it being spring — he wishes the seasons could make up their mind. It feels like it’s getting colder.

“I asked if you're okay,” Felix says. “You’re quiet again.”

Oh. “Oh. I’m…” Seungmin laughs tiredly. “I’m fine.” He feels simultaneously better and worse after eating. Like, he's not as tired but he feels… disappointed. He was doing so well, not eating anything all day. It felt good. Now, it feels like he’s failed at something. Even if his friends ate more of his food than he did.

Felix nods and reaches over to take Seungmin's wrist in his hand, toying with the sleeve. “Yeah, just thinking?”

Seungmin shrugs. “A little.”

Felix squeezes his wrist and lets go with a soft sigh. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“…Yeah?”

Felix stops walking, forcing Seungmin to stop as well and turn to face him. “I’m serious.”

Something in Seungmin's chest seizes up, and he looks down, kicking a rock on the sidewalk in front of them. “I know.”

Felix sighs. “I’m just worried about you.”

“You don’t need to worry.”

Felix makes a frustrated noise. “Seungmin. You can’t just say that.”

Seungmin looks up at him. The streetlights cast a soft glow on his face, highlighting the sharp line of his jaw, the downturn of his mouth as he frowns. 

“I’m fine, I swear,” he mutters. “I’m just a bit... I dunno. Tired. It’s just finals stress.”

Felix stares at him for a long moment before finally turning away with a sigh. “You know the world won’t end if you don’t get straight A’s?”

Seungmin’s not too sure of that. He does know that his parents will be disappointed if he doesn’t, and he’s used to excelling at everything. He wants to do well. He knows he’s capable of it.

“I guess,” he says finally. They start walking again, but Felix’s pace is slower, and he reaches out to link his arm with Seungmin’s.

The campus is quiet at this time of night, but there are still people walking around, and does Felix really have to hang off of him like this? He still feels a bit dizzy.

“Can you—” He tugs his arm slightly, but Felix doesn't let go, so Seungmin sighs. “I swear to god, you’re more clingy than anyone else I know.”

Felix laughs and rests his head against his shoulder. The gesture is innocent, but it still sends a shot of something painful through Seungmin’s chest. “Is it bothering you?”

“Yes,” Seungmin mutters, but he lets Felix stay there, sticking to him like glue. “There are people around, you know.”

“So? You care what they think?” 

Seungmin wants to laugh. Like that isn’t all he does. “I mean, yeah, a little.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“I think that’s literally impossible.”

Felix raises an eyebrow, and Seungmin can practically hear the eye roll in his voice when he says, “And what? People will think we’re gay if I hug you?”

Seungmin stares at him incredulously. “Uh, yeah, probably?”

Felix doesn’t say anything, and Seungmin’s face heats up. “You don’t have a problem with that?”

“Why should I? I don’t care what they think,” Felix shrugs, and Seungmin can feel the movement against his shoulder. “You think someone’ll attack us or something?”

“I mean—” Seungmin stutters. “Maybe?”

Felix hums. “They can try and I’ll kick their asses.”

Seungmin’s breath hitches a bit and he looks away. Felix may be sweet and gentle-hearted but Seungmin often forgets how strong he is. He has, like, a gazillion medals in taekwondo for god’s sake.

Or maybe it’s the fact that their shoulders are brushing, and Felix’s arms are wrapped around his, the fact that he likes it more than he probably should.

“Right,” he says weakly, pretending his cheeks aren’t definitely pink. “My hero.”

“You don't believe me?”

Felix grins, his eyes wide and sparkling. He stops walking, forcing Seungmin to stop too as Felix grabs his other arm. Seungmin is stuck there, pulled towards him.

“I mean it,” Felix says, and he’s so close now that Seungmin’s pretty sure he can hear the sound of his heartbeat. Or maybe that’s his own. “Really. I’ll fight anyone who tries to mess with us.”

Seungmin has to look away. He’s suddenly terrified that Felix will hear the sound of his heart slamming against his ribs, somehow know that Seungmin feels things that aren’t normal. His face feels hot. His brain feels heavy, dizzy, filled with static. 

“Just— let go, would you?” he says finally, more forcefully than he means to.

Felix’s smile falters and Seungmin winces. Felix, to his credit, does immediately let go, murmuring a quiet, “okay,” and Seungmin closes his eyes for a moment, a wave of guilt welling up inside him. He didn’t mean to get upset, it’s just — it’s a bit overwhelming. He still feels tired, hungry, just on edge, and having Felix all over him isn’t helping.

He rubs a hand over his face. “Sorry. I’m just…” He looks up, but he can barely meet Felix’s eyes, his face burning. He just wants to go home. He thinks he’s probably going to end up crashing and staying in bed for the next twelve hours. He doesn’t know why he’s so tired. “I just— I’m not like you.”

Felix frowns. “No, I’m sorry. I thought you didn’t really mind.”

“I don’t,” Seungmin says quickly, still not quite looking at him. “I don’t. I don’t know. It’s just…”

Felix sighs and gives him a soft smile. “It’s okay. Not so much in public?”

Seungmin feels miserable. It’s not okay. He’s a bad person. He’s supposed to be normal. “Um. Yeah. Guess not.”

Felix pats him once on the arm. “Alright. Sorry I keep doing it.” 

Seungmin suddenly feels like he could cry. Why is Felix so understanding, so incredibly kind? Why can’t he just snap and get angry? Tell Seungmin he’s being ridiculous and stupid? This whole thing is stupid. All of it.

Seungmin manages a nod and doesn’t say anything for a moment. Felix starts walking again, and Seungmin has to catch up to him. “It’s not like I don’t like it. Sometimes.”

“Yeah?” Felix raises an eyebrow at him but keeps walking. He looks almost… amused.

Heat creeps up Seungmin’s neck. “Be quiet. Oh my god.”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“Yeah, you totally—” Seungmin sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Your face was saying a lot.”

Felix grins at him, wide, unabashed, and Seungmin’s heart stutters in his chest. The lights around campus are dim, casting shadows against Felix’s face and highlighting the sharp angles of his cheeks, the glimmer of his eyes. He’s almost annoyingly perfect, just gorgeous, and Seungmin has to look away. It’s too much.

They continue like that for the rest of the walk, but as soon as the front door of their dorm closes behind them, Felix sneaks up from behind and wraps him up in a hug. Seungmin stiffens, but it's too late; Felix is already squeezing his waist and pulling him close.

“Oh my god,” Seungmin complains. “Let me go, you bastard.”

“Nope,” Felix teases, and Seungmin really can’t handle this, especially as Felix tucks his face into his neck and squeezes him. “You’re my hostage now.”

Maybe Seungmin is actually going to die here, trapped in Felix’s arms while he giggles against Seungmin’s neck. “I should call the police,” he mutters. 

Felix laughs again and leans against his shoulder. Seungmin doesn’t try to pull away again. 

“So, you only like me being clingy when we’re alone?”

Seungmin lets out a sharp breath through his nose. “Shut up,” he says. His stomach is doing the thing again. “I don’t have to listen to this.”

“I’m just saying,” Felix says, and Seungmin can feel him smirking. “I’ve got you all figured out. You just don’t want other people to see that you like me touching you.” His arms are still wrapped around Seungmin’s waist, and he gives him one more squeeze before finally letting go and skipping off to his bedroom. Seungmin stands there uselessly for a moment, because what the hell what the hell what the hell. He shakes his head and drags himself to his room, dropping onto his bed with a thud. 

He’s exhausted. Maybe he should eat something. Or just go to sleep. He’s not sure which he needs more. His limbs feel too heavy, his head is spinning. He groans and rolls over, burying his face into his pillow and inhaling slowly. It smells familiar. That’s nice.

Somehow, he falls asleep like that, in his day clothes, on his wrinkled sheets, and dreams of blue skies and freckles and tidal waves sweeping him up and carrying him away into the sea.

—————

a/n: (・＿・; probably will keep future updates just to ao3 since it's easier and i'm not expecting this to have a large audience here on tumblr tbh lol. but i'll let yall know when new chapters are posted!

keep reading

[xomakara]

Crossing Boundaries

(re-posting from my old account seulrinnie-rinrin/xomakara-secondary)

SUMMARY | You are older than Wooyoung by two years and is best friends with his older brother, so you always saw Wooyoung as a younger brother. But Wooyoung wants to be so much more than a younger brother. PAIRING | Wooyoung x Reader GENRE/CONTENT | non-idol!Wooyoung, older!Reader, non-idol au, romance, fluff, smut, oral sex, fingering, vaginal sex WARNINGS | A slightly older reader and younger man?? RATING | NSFW, explicit, mature, 18+ LENGTH | 8,033 words TAGLIST | — NETWORKS | AUTHOR’S NOTE | The noona in me is happy and glad to write this. Maybe the filthiest I ever wrote lol. Couldn’t exactly push to 10k but 8k words is still good enough lol

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"What's the occasion?" Wooyoung looks at you sprawled out on his bed.

"No occasion. Just needed someone to talk to." You replied after making yourself comfortable. "Your brother is goofing off who knows where and you're the only person that's here in Seoul. I have nothing better to do."

"Did you get dumped?" Wooyoung asked, watching your face. "Again?"

"I dumped him this time!" You say, deciding to let some of the frustration out. "My god he really has no fucking clue what he wants. He likes me, but thinks I'm not good enough for him? How many times do I have to hear that idiot saying those things before it finally sinks into his head that it's wrong?! I deserve someone that can give me the proper love and care! Not someone that doesn't even know how to express his feelings properly or treat me right!"

Wooyoung could be that man. Be the man that gives you proper love and care.

But he knows that you don't think of him in that way. You only see him as a little brother since you're his older brother's best friend. He didn't even care that you were older than him by two years. To him, age was just a number. So to him, there wasn't any reason why he shouldn't have fallen in love with you. You're the girl he wanted most when he was young, but never got because he was too scared to make a move on you.

"The guy is an idiot if he can't see how perfect you are for him." Wooyoung says, leaning back against his desk chair.

"Ugh, maybe I should stop dating people." You sigh. "Maybe I should stick to just reading books from now on. No dating needed at all. Reading about romance in a book is much easier and much less painful."

"Come on, noona. There are other men that would gladly date you." Wooyoung says.

"Are your roommates single?" You turned your head to look at him.

"Why?" He raised an eyebrow at you. “Thought you just said that you’re going to stop dating.”

"I need to find a really handsome guy." You said. “Just so I can get back at that stupid bastard and rub it in his face.”

"Sorry Y/N-noona," Wooyoung shrugged. "But both Hongjoong-hyung and Jongho have girlfriends. And I'm pretty sure my other friends are taken too."

"Fuck. Why do all the pretty men have to be taken?" You complained, burying your face into Wooyoung's pillow. "Even your brother isn't single."

"Like you'd ever date your best friend." Wooyoung snorted, earning himself a glare from you.

"I might have thought about it before." You admitted, returning a snort of your own. "You know there was a time where every girl wanted your brother back in high school."

"Even you?" He laughed, pinching your cheeks. "So why didn't you go after him then?"

"Because your brother only saw me as his best friend." You sighed. "It took him a long time before he realized that I was actually attracted to him. And then he rejected me. And now we laugh about it whenever we meet up together."

"And there starts your origin story of getting heartbroken and dumped every time. Every story will start with Y/N going out with a cute guy, crushing on them, and being rejected." Wooyoung mused.

"Mhm." You agreed. "One day though. One day, everything will work out for me."

"Keep dreaming." Wooyoung teased.

"Fine, fine. It won't happen soon though. Maybe I'll die alone and unfulfilled." You groaned. "You're such a buzzkill, Wooyoung."

"But the world would be dull without me." Wooyoung replied with a laugh.

You sat up in his bed, running a hand through your hair. "Let's go out and drink. I want to forget about all this shit."

"Hm?" Wooyoung raised an eyebrow.

"Drink with me." You said, standing up and taking a step towards him.

"Alright, alright." Wooyoung relented. "Where do you want to go?"

"A bar nearby." You answered, feeling more excited than usual. "Something new, I've been to the same places over and over again."

"Alright." Wooyoung nods. "But don't be picking up random guys there! I'm not gonna deal with some drunk douchebag that's trying to get in your pants. If they try something I swear to god I'll-"

"Ohhh, is my Wooyoungie jealous already?" You asked with a chuckle. "Don't worry, this noona here won't be picking up any guys. Just come out with me and drink with me. You can even invite your roommates or friends. I don't care as long as I have a few drinks in me."

"Noona, you sure?" He eyed you suspiciously. "You're not just saying that to make me feel good, are you?"

"I'm positive." You assured him. "After breaking up with that idiot, I don't even want to deal with picking up guys anymore. That's the least of my worries. Now please come drink with me. Please?"

"Alright." Wooyoung said slowly. "I guess I'll go along with you this one time."

"Thank you!" You jumped up and down excitedly. "That's all I wanted to hear! You're the best Wooyoungie."

"Yeah, yeah." Wooyoung waved you away. "Let's go get drunk."

Wooyoung watched as you laughed at something Yunho was saying to you and he couldn't help but stare at the way your lips moved, forming each word and speaking with such confidence. He had seen you laughing before but never like this. Your eyes shone bright and it seemed like the whole room lit up when you did. Seeing you smile genuinely made him happy and he wished he could have frozen that moment right there.

"You like her." San suddenly stated, shocking him out of his daze.

"What?" Wooyoung asked, looking up at the person beside him.

"Y/N-noona." San repeated, narrowing his eyes. "The way you looked at her the last time we went out drinking, I knew it. You like her. A lot."

"You're delusional." Wooyoung shook his head. "She's my older brother's best friend. She's completely off limits."

"Off limits or not, you still like her." San said. "It's okay, you can admit it."

"There's nothing to admit." Wooyoung muttered, looking back at you and smiling slightly. "Nothing to tell anyone."

"Let me guess...She see's you as a little brother, huh? Is that it?" San gave him a disbelieving look.

"Stop it." Wooyoung sighed. "San, you're annoying me."

"Okay, okay." San said with a laugh. "I'll stop talking about your precious noona."

"Great." Wooyoung rolled his eyes before gesturing to you and Yunho. "Now that we have that settled, I think it's time for me to break up whatever is going on over there."

Your laughter was angelic to his ears. The sound calmed him and the sight of your genuine happiness warmed his heart. All he wanted to do was stay there forever, basking in the bliss that is your smile. How lucky his brother was to have you as a friend. What a treasure it was to have you around.

He had never felt this way about another woman. When he first met you back in elementary school, he didn't pay attention to you because you were a tomboy. But when you entered middle school and started to become more feminine, he started noticing you more and found himself admiring the confidence you carried in yourself. Whenever he hung out with you, he always felt relaxed and refreshed. He never had trouble talking to you and he loved hearing your stories. They were entertaining and very interesting.

In all honesty, he didn't think he'd fall in love with you, but once he realized he had feelings for you, it became impossible to deny it.

Ever since he realized his feelings for you, he's tried so hard to keep himself at a distance, because he didn't want to scare you away with his crush. He didn't want to force you to like him, so he continued acting normal around you, not giving you the chance to realize that he liked you. He figured that if you never knew how he felt about you, it would just give him an excuse to keep your friendship alive. To be close to you. To see your smile and listen to your voice. He enjoyed spending time with you. He liked talking to you.

When he had a chance to get closer to you, he always decided against it, thinking it was a bad idea. After all, you were his older brother's friend.

"Noona, you doing good?" Wooyoung asked you, resting a hand on your shoulder.

"Just a little buzzed, that's all." You managed to say without slurring your words. "Yunho and Mingi has been keeping an eye on me."

"Oh yeah?" Wooyoung grinned. "You're not picking them up, are you?"

"Nooooo~" You laughed, shooing him away playfully. "I said that I wasn't going to pick up guys and I mean it!"

"You're drunk aren't you? How many drinks have you had, noona?" Wooyoung asked, raising an eyebrow at you.

"Seven." You announced proudly. "Three beers and four shots."

"You really need to slow down." Wooyoung frowned, shaking his head.

"How about you let me buy you a beer, so you can drink with me?" You suggested.

"I refuse." Wooyoung refused to budge.

"How about you buy me a few drinks?" You raised your eyebrows at him.

"No." Wooyoung shook his head firmly.

"How about you take me home?" You suggested, batting your eyelashes at him.

Wooyoung had to take deep breaths to calm himself down at that statement. Of course he wanted to take you home. He wanted to take you home, kiss you senseless, bend you over the table, fuck you - nonono, he couldn't think like that! Not with you as his older brother's friend! It was wrong to have these thoughts. It was wrong to want this. This can never happen.

"Alright, alright." Wooyoung said, reaching for his wallet and pulling out money. "I’ll buy you some more drinks."

“Yay!” You happily clapped your hands, accepting the money from him and quickly getting up. You grabbed Wooyoung's hand, tugging him along behind you. "Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go! Shots! Shots! Shots!”

Wooyoung let you drag him towards the bar where a few of his friends were hanging out. You were practically pulling him by his arm. Luckily, none of them minded. In fact, everyone was amused by the situation. Some were outright staring at you and chuckling. You dragged Wooyoung to the counter, pointing at bottles and making drunken demands while grabbing the bartender's attention. After a few minutes of confusion and waiting, you finally got your drinks. You held the bottle in your hands, lifting it to your mouth. You finished the whole thing before putting the bottle back on the counter.

"Gimme another one." You demanded, putting your arm around Wooyoung's waist.

"Noona." Wooyoung grumbled, placing his hands on your shoulder. “I’m taking you home. You’re drunk.”

“Nooo~~~” You whined, pouting. “Come onnnn.”

Wooyoung sighed and reluctantly handed the bartender more money. “Just one more, please.” He ordered.

As soon as he walked back to you, you wrapped your arms around his neck and planted a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you." You whispered, leaning into him.

“Shit…” Wooyoung breathed under his breath. He needed to end this now before things got out of control. He couldn't handle it, the way your face lit up, the way you leaned into him, the sweet smell of alcohol on your skin, your breath becoming heavy as you lean into him, the way your body presses against him…

He should've listened to his gut and told you to go home. Right now, his brain was screaming at him to move away from you and put space between the two of you, but his feet weren't listening to him. His body kept moving forward, like a magnet towards yours.

"Umm...yeah." He mumbled awkwardly. “We better get you home.”

"But..." You started.

"Noona." Wooyoung shook his head. "It's late and I'm not gonna let you drive home. Besides, I'm pretty sure your parents or even your sister won't be happy to find out that you came here alone and drank."

"You're probably right." You nodded before pouting. It took Wooyoung all his strength to not throw you over his shoulder. "You're still a buzzkiller."

“I know, I know. Let’s get you home.” Wooyoung agreed.

After saying your goodbyes to the rest of the group, Wooyoung guided you to the car. On the way to your house, you were almost asleep in the passenger seat. Wooyoung had to carry you to the door and place you inside the house. He carried you to your bedroom and placed you gently on the bed. You instantly fell asleep. He turned off the lights and left you sleeping peacefully.

After sending a quick message to your sister to let her know that you were home, Wooyoung left your house to go home. He was still unsettled and distracted by the thought of being near you. He hadn't gotten the chance to ask you if you had enjoyed the night. If you liked him. Maybe you were just playing along with him to tease him. He'd have to wait until tomorrow to find out.

You woke up with the worst hangover in history. You couldn't even remember what happened yesterday. Everything seemed blurry and surreal. Your head hurt, you felt nauseous and you wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep. But you also wanted to know why you were in your bed. You groaned and lifted your head up, attempting to sit up, only to hit your head back on the pillow.

"Son of a bitch." You swore angrily. "Fuck…"

Your phone rang and you answered it. "You have five minutes to tell me what the fuck you want or I'm hanging up."

You heard Wooyoung laugh on the other end. "Bad hangover, noona?"

"What did I do last night?" You groaned, wincing in pain.

"You were having fun, I guess." Wooyoung shrugged. "You drank too much, that's for sure."

"Did I pass out somewhere?" You asked curiously.

"No but you nearly fell asleep in my car." Wooyoung said. "I brought you home though."

"Thanks for saving my ass." You chuckled.

"Don't mention it." Wooyoung replied. "I'd do anything for you, noona."

"Anything?" You asked with a teasing tone.

"Oh no. What's going on in that head of yours?" Wooyoung joked.

"Coffeeeeee pleaseeee." You whined into the phone. "Now."

"Yeah, okay. Ten minutes. Go shower or something while you wait." Wooyoung chuckled.

After hanging up, you laid back down on your bed and closed your eyes. You felt like shit and Wooyoung was right, you did drink too much. You should've stopped after three beers, but you wanted to keep drinking. And when someone buys you more alcohol, it becomes really easy to continue drinking, even though you feel like shit.

When you looked at yourself in the mirror, you barely recognized yourself. Your hair was messed up, there were smudges of mascara and eyeliner around your eyes, your lips were chapped and there was dried saliva stuck on your teeth. You look disgusting and definitely not presentable. As much as you hated to admit it, you needed a shower. Badly.

You went to the bathroom and hopped into the shower. The hot water helped ease some of your headache, but didn't make the hungover feeling any better. You took your time washing your hair, shampooing and conditioning it. You massaged your scalp, closing your eyes and letting out a small moan of pleasure as the warm water poured onto your skin.

After showering, you threw on some clean sweats and a t-shirt. Then you made your way downstairs. You found Wooyoung talking to Aimee, your younger sister, in the kitchen. They were laughing at something.

"Where's my coffee, Wooyoungie?" You called out, walking towards them.

"Here, you drunk." Wooyoung slid the coffee cup to you as you settled yourself on the stool. "Do you feel any better?"

"I feel like shit." You mumbled, resting your head on the countertop.

"Awhh." Wooyoung pouted, trying to hide his smile.

"Who told you to drink so much, eonni?" Your younger sister shook her head. "Let me guess. Jaehyun broke up with you?"

"I broke up with him." You retorted.

"And you needed a big, stiff drink." Aimee smirked.

"You have no idea how true that is." You laughed.

"Hey, good riddance. That relationship was doomed to fail anyway." Aimee stated. "While I'm happy that you dumped him, I'm a bit sad because Jaehyun was such a gorgeous man."

"Hey, I'm a gorgeous man!" Wooyoung pointed at himself.

Aimee raised her eyebrows. "Keep telling yourself that, Wooyoung."

"I am gorgeous." Wooyoung proclaimed.

"Whatever, loser." Aimee rolled her eyes.

You couldn't help but think that Wooyoung and your sister looked cute together. They were the same age and they always seemed to get along well whenever they spent time together. It wasn't surprising to see that they both found each other attractive, despite their differences in appearance. Their personality and sense of humor made up for it.

A part of you wanted someone as caring and funny as Wooyoung in your life, but then again, your luck in men wasn't great and you never found anyone who could treat you right. It didn't stop you from dreaming though. One day, you promised yourself, you would meet someone and he would change your mind about love and relationships. You wouldn't settle anymore, you would wait for the right guy to come along.

"Well, I hope you feel better." Wooyoung spoke up, breaking you out of your thoughts. "Do you have any plans for the day?"

"Nothing much. Probably go hang out with your brother or something. But I'm kind of tired and want to go back to sleep." You admitted, rubbing your temples.

"Why don't you just stay in today?" Aimee suggested. "I have to head to the office today anyway so I'll pick up dinner after I get off."

"Are you sure?" You asked, tilting your head.

"Yeah, it's fine." Aimee smiled. "Plus, I'd rather have a girls night with my older sister."

"I'm not included?" Wooyoung pouted.

Aimee rolled her eyes. "You're not a girl, you weirdo." She shook her head. "Besides, don't you have to go or something? Don't you have work?"

"Of course, what do you take me for?" Wooyoung laughed, shaking his head.

"Go away, you two." You moaned, head on the countertop. "Your yapping isn't helping my hangover."

Wooyoung grinned widely. "How dare you."

You reached for the coffee and gulped it down quickly. When you finished, you yawned. "I'm gonna crash now." You mumbled. "Thanks for everything, Wooyoungie. Now go to work, make that money."

"Anytime, noona." Wooyoung gave you a hug before leaving the room.

As soon as he was gone, Aimee pulled you into a tight hug. "Good job dumping Jaehyun." She whispered into your ear. "I'm so proud of you, sis."

"He deserves it." You sighed. "How can someone say they like you but then say you're not good enough for him? What kind of bullshit is that?"

"You're right." Aimee nodded. "You deserve someone better."

You hugged your sister back tightly. "Do you have any single friends? Or ex-boyfriends?" You asked hopefully.

"No eonni, I don't." Aimee laughed. "But you and I both know someone who's single."

"Who?" You inquired.

"Wooyoung, duhhhh." Aimee teased.

"Wooyoung?" You repeated, slightly taken aback. "Our Wooyoung? The Wooyoung who just left our house? The cutie-pie Wooyoung who's been our childhood friend for years? That Wooyoung?"

"That Wooyoung." Aimee giggled.

"Weird." You frowned. "I mean…of course he's single. But why? He's such a great catch."

"Maybe he's waiting for the perfect girl." Aimee suggested.

"I don't believe that for one second." You shook your head. "But if he is, I'm sure he'll meet her soon."

"Or maybe he already has." Aimee mused, a smile on her face. "Maybe he's already found that special one and she just doesn't know it yet."

"Mhmm." You hummed in agreement.

"Let's hope he doesn't have to wait too long." Your sister shook her head and grabbed her purse, making her way to the front door. "I'm heading to work now. I'll see you later, okay eonni?"

"Sure thing." You waved goodbye to her.

"Text me what you want for dinner." She instructed and you replied with a thumbs up.

You watched as your sister left the house, shutting the door behind her. You made your way to the couch and sunk into the cushions, curling up into a ball. You closed your eyes and let out a sigh, wondering if your day would get any better.

For reasons unknown, you woke up feeling incredibly horny. You had no idea why this would be happening. You haven't gotten laid in quite a few months and when you were still with Jaehyun, the both of you never even had sex. So it was extremely strange to wake up feeling this way.

Okay maybe it was that steamy movie you watched while you were indisposed on the couch. Maybe watching the couple undress and finally having sex made you yearn for some action of your own.

It had to be. Yeah.

You glanced at the clock. It was only noon and you had an entire day ahead of you. Grabbing your phone, you noticed the text messages from Wooyoung that you missed from a few hours ago. Instead of replying to him, you just decided to call him.

"Noona?" Wooyoung greeted, answering the phone immediately. "You good?"

"Yeah, I just woke up again." You huffed. "Are you done with work?"

"Yeah, I'm heading over to your place right now."

"Why?" You questioned, sitting upright. "It's only noon."

"Because you didn't answer Aimee's calls or texts so she got worried." Wooyoung explained. "I felt bad and offered to check on you. Are you okay, noona?"

"How far are you?"

"Pulling up right now. I'm hanging up."

In a few seconds, you heard the keypad to your front door opening and Wooyoung walked inside, taking his shoes off at the entrance. God, he looked so handsome standing there with his slightly disheveled hair, his crisp white shirt and jeans combo making him look casual but still appealing.

You wondered what his body looked like under his clothes and suddenly your imagination started to run wild. Nonono, you couldn't think like that. He was your best friend's younger brother! No matter how attracted you were to him, he wasn't someone you should be sleeping with. You liked him like a little brother and nothing else.

At least, you hoped so.

You pushed the unwanted thoughts out of your mind and smiled as Wooyoung made his way over to you. "Are you okay?" He asked, crouching beside you. "Hangover still bad?"

"Not too bad." You shook your head. "Did you bring me anything?"

"Yeah, here." Wooyoung handed you a bottle of water and some ibuprofen pills. "Take these. You'll feel better in no time."

"Thanks, Wooyoung." You sighed, leaning against him. "How was work?"

"It went pretty well. Hongjoong told me to go home. When your sister called me, he told me to just leave and take care of you."

You nodded. "Sounds like a good friend."

"Definitely." Wooyoung chuckled. "Do you need anything else?"

"I do but I'm not sure if it's something you could help me with." You muttered.

"What's up?" Wooyoung tilted his head. "You could tell me."

You shook your head, your cheeks slightly heating up. "Nononono, you don't need to-"

"Shhh…" Wooyoung placed a finger on your lips, silencing you instantly. "Look, I won't judge you, noona. Whatever you want, I'll try my best to give it to you."

"That's not-"

"Just relax and talk to me." Wooyoung said softly. "Please?"

You looked up at him and thought for a moment. What exactly did you want from him? Would asking him to pleasure you turn things between you and him sexual? Would he actually agree to do it? Did you really want to ask him?

All these questions raced through your mind and you bit your lip nervously. In the end, you decided to throw caution to the wind and see where this would lead you. If it ended badly, you could always cut ties with Wooyoung and go back to being just best friends.

Hopefully.

"Don't judge me okay? Please don't hate me." You breathed, looking away from Wooyoung and staring at the ground. "This might sound weird and I'm sorry if it does."

"I won't hate you, noona." Wooyoung assured you. "Whatever you need, just ask me."

The silence stretched on until you began to wonder if Wooyoung was going to speak. Then he raised an eyebrow at you and nodded once. He leaned forward slightly, giving you space to talk.

"Well...I woke up feeling...fuck, this is embarrassing to say." You huffed. "So here goes."

You took a deep breath and swallowed, telling yourself to just spit it out. You took another deep breath and braced yourself for what you were about to say.

"I..." You paused for a few moments, trying to find the right words to say. "I've been horny all morning. And I've never wanted someone so badly in my life."

Wooyoung gaped at you for a moment before covering his mouth with his hand, stifling his laughter. You stared at him in shock, your face turning bright red. Why did you just admit that? Of course he was gonna laugh. Why did you just open up to him?

"See? I knew it sounded weird!" You buried your face in your hands in embarrassment. "And now I've embarrassed myself even more."

"Calm down, noona." Wooyoung chuckled. "There's no need to be embarrassed."

You felt his hands softly gripping your thigh, stroking your skin lightly. You looked down at him and bit your lower lip anxiously. You weren't sure if he meant what he was doing as comforting or sexual.

"Sorry, I just..." You huffed, shaking your head. "I shouldn't be saying this. I shouldn't be thinking about this."

"I know, but-"

"-I'm just saying." You cut him off. "I'm not usually like this. Like, ever. And I can't believe I'm talking to you about this."

"Tell me what you want, noona." Wooyoung gently coaxed, stroking your thighs once more. "Tell me, show me how to please you."

You bit your lip nervously, feeling Wooyoung's eyes fixated on yours. You stared back at him, unsure of what to say. At the same time, you also felt empowered knowing that you could trust him with this. After all, you were opening up to him because you wanted him to know what you wanted. Right?

Right?

You gulped. "Fuck, I can't believe I'm doing this. Wooyoung..."

"Hmm? Tell me, noona." Wooyoung spoke softly, his voice somehow calming you down. "Show me how you want me to pleasure you."

"Wooyoung..." You whimpered, wanting him to kiss you but also not wanting to risk kissing him. Kissing him would make things...complicated.

"...say it. Just say it." Wooyoung repeated, running his fingers up and down your thigh. "Say whatever you want. Don't be afraid. Say it out loud."

You bit your lower lip and furrowed your brows. Fuck it all. You were just gonna go for it. You were just gonna fuck around with Wooyoung and see where this would take you. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

You grabbed his hand and placed it under your sweatpants, letting him fondle your already moist pussy through your underwear. "Fuck, I need you to finger me, eat me out. Touch me, make me come."

"Let's get rid of your sweatpants first." He let out a small chuckle. "Let's do this properly."

You let out a small moan as you felt him tug on your sweatpants, pushing them down below your hips. Your panties came next and after that, you were completely naked from the waist down. On his knees, he grabbed your hips and pulled you to sit on the edge of the couch cushions, positioning himself directly in front of you.

"Oh my god, Wooyoung..." You gasped, feeling his lips trailing small kisses up your thighs. You reached down and wrapped your fingers around his hair, encouraging him to continue.

"Tell me, noona." He asked softly, planting small kisses on your inner thighs. "What do you want?"

By no means was Wooyoung inexperienced when it came to sex. He'd gone out with quite a few women, which gave him plenty of experience. But the fact that he wanted you to tell him what to do made you feel empowered. Not only was he giving you what you wanted, he was listening to you as well. And you wanted him to know that you enjoyed having him do those things to you.

Your breathing quickened as Wooyoung continued to explore your body, kissing and licking along the sides of your thighs, brushing your folds with his tongue. You moaned as he trailed kisses along your inner thigh and began teasing your clit with his tongue. He was fucking amazing at it, using his tongue to flick the sensitive nub. With every pass, your moans grew louder and you gripped his hair tighter, encouraging him to do even more.

"Fuck..." You whispered hoarsely. "Please don't stop, Wooyoung."

Wooyoung replied with a smile. "Keep talking, noona. I want to hear what you're saying. Want to know if you're feeling good."

He continued to lick and suck on your clit while simultaneously teasing your hole with his tongue, slowly drawing your arousal to its peak. You kept your hands around his head, tugging at his hair and moaning loudly as he kept pleasuring you. His fingers ran through your wetness and brought them back to his mouth, sucking and licking them clean.

Fuck, you wanted his fingers in your mouth. Wanted to lick them, suck them dry.

As if reading your mind, he lifted his fingers to your lips. "Noona, suck my fingers." He ordered.

Reluctantly, you parted your lips and closed your teeth around his digits. You sucked hard, pulling at his fingers with your mouth. He moaned in delight and tightened his grip on your hips, guiding his fingers back to your pussy.

You wiggled beneath him, letting him push one finger inside of you. The sensation of his digits stretching your insides almost made you cry out. He then inserted a second finger, adding a third one later on. His mouth never left your pussy, though, continuing to lick you mercilessly as he slid his fingers in and out of you. Every thrust was like fire coursing through your body. It was too much and you quickly began panting heavily. You could barely think straight anymore, everything but him, his touch, his hot breath on your pussy.

His tongue was magic and you could feel your orgasm building rapidly. "Oh shit...Wooyoung, oh my god."

"Are you close, noona?" He asked you in between licks.

You whimpered, unable to form any words. All you wanted was to scream, yell out, tell him to hurry the fuck up and make you come. "Oh god...I...I can't...stop...oh god..."

Wooyoung increased his pace, sucking on your clit and rubbing his fingers against your walls. You couldn't help it. Soon enough, your orgasm hit you like a truck.

Your entire body convulsed as waves of pleasure washed over you. Your body tensed as your juices coated Wooyoung's fingers and his lips. And then you collapsed back onto the couch, gasping for air. You could feel your body shaking from your orgasm and Wooyoung grinned proudly at you.

When your heartbeat returned to normal, you sat up and patted Wooyoung on the cheek. "Wow, Wooyoung. That was incredible."

"Did I do good, noona? Are you happy?" He smiled sweetly at you, patting his hand against your ass playfully.

"Mhm, I loved it." You replied, blushing. "Thank you for indulging me."

"I'll do anything you want, noona." Wooyoung assured you, wrapping his arms around you. "Whenever you want."

"That's good to know." You smiled, leaning into him. "So, wanna keep fooling around some more?"

"Is that what you want?" He asked you with a smirk. "To keep fooling around?"

"Hell yeah." You laughed. "Can we?"

"Anything for you, noona." He grinned.

The rest of the afternoon passed in a flurry of kissing. Eventually, you two had moved into the bedroom, the rest of your clothes strewn across the floor. Wooyoung's shirt and jeans were tossed to the side of the bed and you noticed that he was only wearing boxers. You stared at his abs, tracing your fingers along the line of his stomach muscles.

You kissed him deeply, knowing that kissing him was going to get complicated. But you didn't care. Who cares if things got complicated. You'll reach that hurdle eventually anyway. Right?

"My turn." You murmured against his lips. He sat on the edge of the bed as you dropped to your knees in front of him. "I wanna taste you, Wooyoung."

He moaned at your words, reaching down and running his hands through your hair. "You don't have to do this for me, noona..."

"But I want to. Please, Wooyoung?" You pleaded with him, licking your lips seductively. "Please let me taste you."

"You're not drunk, are you?" He teased, chuckling slightly.

You laughed as well, biting your bottom lip. "Nope, just trying to cure a hangover."

Wooyoung smirked. "Then taste me whenever you want, noona."

You wasted no time in sucking on his erection, wrapping your lips around him and sliding him deep into your throat. He groaned in pleasure, holding onto your hair tightly. You liked the rough feeling of his hands on your hair, like you belonged there, sucking him off.

With your free hand, you squeezed his balls gently, massaging them with your thumb. A moan escaped his lips as you slowly bobbed your head up and down, taking him deeper each time until his tip hit the back of your throat. You looked up at him and he let out another moan before grabbing onto your hair once again.

You hummed with satisfaction, knowing that he liked what you were doing to him. As you licked and sucked on his dick, you ran your fingers along his shaft, lightly playing with his sack and stroking his head. It wasn't long before he was pushing his hips up, forcing his cock further down your throat. This excited you and you held his cock tight, not wanting him to pull away.

"You're such a good girl." He praised you.

You giggled. "Good girls are rewarded."

Wooyoung chuckled. "Alright then, good girl. Be rewarded."

As soon as he said that, you felt his warm seed coat your throat. You gulped a little at the feeling of him coming down your throat and used your hands to massage his shaft and testicles, making sure to take every last drop of cum out of him. When he was finished, he collapsed onto the bed, breathing heavily. You crawled up next to him, placing soft kisses on his chest and shoulders.

You weren't satisfied yet. So you proceeded to start sucking on his nipples, causing him to moan in pleasure. "I want more, Wooyoung." You breathed.

"How much more?" He asked you teasingly. “You're so insatiable, aren't you?”

"You've got all day to please me." You responded slyly. "All night."

Wooyoung chuckled as you straddled him, grinding your wet pussy against his cock. "Hmm...Sounds tempting, noona."

"Will you satisfy me?" You asked him, watching as his eyes darkened with lust.

"Of course." He growled, pulling you towards him as he sat up. His hands wandered over your soft skin. "Whatever you want, I'll give it to you."

His words made you shiver. You knew exactly what you wanted and now you were going to get it. And Wooyoung was going to give it to you. You could feel yourself growing moist at the thought of his big cock filling you.

"What would you like, noona?" He asked you seriously. "I'll do whatever you want."

"I want you inside me." You kissed him softly on the lips. "Give me your big cock."

"Yes, yes, baby." He groaned as you took his penis into your hands. "Put it in, noona."

You slowly slid him inside of you. "Fuuuck." You gasped. "That feels so good."

"Fuck yeah." Wooyoung moaned, staring into your eyes lovingly. "Feels good, right?"

"Mmhmm." You nodded, pressing your breasts against his chest as he thrust his hips upward, driving himself deeper into you.

You wrapped your legs around his waist, locking your ankles together behind his back. The position felt amazing. You could easily grind your pussy against his dick as he pushed it in and out of you.

"It feels so good, noona." He moaned, resting his forehead against yours.

"Me too." You agreed, your fingers tangling in his hair. "Every inch feels so fucking good."

Wooyoung kissed you deeply, nibbling on your lower lip. "I'm glad, noona." He whispered, nipping on your earlobe. "God, you're beautiful. You're taking me in so well, noona. Feels so damn good."

Your body was starting to heat up again and you moaned when he bit down on your neck. "Ah! Ah!" You yelled out, closing your eyes and clenching around his shaft. "Oh, fuck."

"Tell me, noona." Wooyoung urged, licking your neck. "Say what you need."

"Ohhh, fuck." You cried out, digging your nails into his back. "Wooyoung...mmm..please..."

Wooyoung released your neck and slowly began thrusting his hips up, sliding his cock in and out of you. "Say it, noona." He moaned, lowering his head and suckling your breast. "Say what you want."

You pulled his hair roughly, moaning. "More, please, more..."

"You like this, don't you, noona?" He asked you, chuckling lightly. "Don't worry. I won't stop."

You shook your head, looking into his eyes. "No, please don't stop." You whined. "Just keep fucking me."

He thrust harder, sending shockwaves throughout your body. "I'll fuck you all day and all night, noona. Every single second. No matter when and where you want it, I'll give it to you." He promised you, rocking his hips faster and faster. "I want to feel your tight pussy around my cock. Tighten up around me, noona."

And you did just that. You tightened around his cock and moaned loudly, unable to contain your pleasure. "Oh god, fuck, Wooyoung...that's so good."

You both started moaning louder and louder as your orgasms hit you. And you didn't want it to end. Not now, not ever. And you swore that it wouldn't. You continued to rock your hips back and forth, wanting him to stay buried inside of you forever.

He slowed his thrusts only to position you onto your hands and knees. He grabbed hold of your hips, pushing them back against his waist as he rammed himself into you again.

"Holy shit." He exclaimed, panting heavily. "I can't believe how tight you are."

You whimpered as he gripped your hips tighter. "You're really enjoying this, aren't you?" He mumbled.

He ran a hand along your naked back, the other holding your hip. You closed your eyes and just enjoyed the sensation of being fucked, completely and utterly taken. Your body sagged against the mattress, pushing your ass back towards him and giving him even more access to your pussy. He couldn't get enough of you. You rocked your hips, thrusting back against him, meeting each of his hard thrusts with your own.

"Jesus Christ, noona." Wooyoung cursed under his breath. "This feels so good. So goddamn good."

"Do it, Wooyoung." You panted. "Fill me with your cum. Fill me with your cum."

He leaned forward and kissed and sucked on the back of your neck and shoulder as he thrust his hips up into you, emptying his entire load into your eager pussy. His entire body tensed as he came, the waves of his orgasm radiating through him. With every wave of his climax, you came closer to climaxing again and the feeling was mind-blowing. You'd never felt anything like it. You could feel his hot seed oozing out of your pussy and covering your walls. His cock stayed buried inside of you for a few moments longer before finally slipping out.

You collapsed on the bed, gasping for air as you tried to catch your breath. "Wooyoung...god, Wooyoung..."

He collapsed next to you, running his fingers through your hair. "Baby, you okay?" He asked you, concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine." You nodded, grinning happily. "Didn't expect you to cum three times though."

"I didn't expect you to cum three times either." He smiled.

"Yeah, now I'm exhausted." You sighed.

"It's alright, baby. You can rest if you want." He assured you. "I've got you."

"Okay." You nodded, snuggling up close to him.

You quickly fell asleep in his arms, listening to his steady heartbeat.

The moonlight shone through the curtains and you groggily opened your eyes. For a brief moment, you thought you heard something but shook your head. No, there wasn't anyone else in the room. Only you and Wooyoung.

You yawned, looking down at Wooyoung who was lying beside you. A blanket covered both of your bodies and he snored peacefully against your chest.

You went and did it. You fucked your best friend's younger brother. Well, sort of. More like he fucked you but still.

But you didn't regret it. In fact, it was one of the best nights of your life. You didn't know why but something about it felt natural.

"Noona..." Wooyoung mumbled against your skin, interrupting your thoughts.

You glanced down at him, feeling his soft lips on your neck. He was facing away from you, sleeping soundly. Your heart fluttered as you brushed your fingertips across his back. Oh my god, you thought. You really love this man. You loved him way more than you should have.

Maybe you'd been in love with him this whole time and just now noticed it. Maybe he was attracted to you as well but chose not to admit it. Or maybe you're delusional. It was possible.

Whatever the case, you couldn't deny the strong connection you shared with Wooyoung. Whether you ended up dating each other or not, you knew you wouldn't regret tonight.

At least, not yet.

With a sigh, you tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear. You looked at him again, feeling yourself growing warmer.

He was perfect. Asleep or awake, the boy was gorgeous.

"Wooyoung?"

"Hmm?" He sleepily moaned, shifting slightly in your embrace.

"Are you still sleeping?" You asked, worried. "Shouldn't you be heading home?"

"It's late." He mumbled, snuggling closer to your body and closing his eyes. "And I feel comfortable here. Just let me spend the night."

"What if my sister comes home?" You frowned. "Do you want her to catch us in bed together?"

"She won't. She told me earlier that she was going to her boyfriend's when I offered to take care of you." He chuckled lightly.

You ran your fingers through his hair. "And you didn't bother to tell me this?"

"If I did, you would have told me to go home. We wouldn't be having this conversation right now." He sighed, cupping your face. "Let's stay like this, okay? At least until morning."

"Fine." You huffed, wrapping your arms around him. "I'm not exactly complaining."

"Good." Wooyoung kissed your forehead before pressing his lips to yours gently.

"Wooyoung, what are we now? Because our relationship has definitely changed after today." You mused, tracing the curve of his jawline with your fingertip.

"We're more than just friends now." He said lightly, running his fingers down your arm. "There's nothing stopping us from dating now. You know this, right? We're both adults. What's stopping us?"

What was stopping you? Other than that tiny voice in the back of your head. You weren't ready to give up the friendship you shared with Wooyoung just yet. Dating him would complicate things way too much. You weren't ready to deal with a breakup or hurting him.

"Y/N," He called out and you couldn't help but bite your lower lip. That was the first time he called you by your name and not noona. "I want to be with you. I don't want to hide anything from you anymore. I want you to know everything about me. I want you to see me and not see just a kid that I used to be."

"Wooyoung..." Your heart thumped wildly in your chest. "How long have you felt this way?"

"Since forever." He sighed, moving to kiss your nose. "I've liked you for as long as I can remember. Always wanting to be near you, watch you, listen to you speak."

"Then why didn't you say anything?" You pouted, lowering your head to look at him.

"Why should I?" He shrugged. "If you don't feel the same way, then I wouldn't want to pressure you into something you aren't comfortable doing."

"Wooyoung, I-"

"-want to date you, Y/N." He cut you off, grinning mischievously at you. "Not just for sex, although I want that too, but because I actually want to date you."

Your eyes widened in surprise. "Huh?"

"I want to take you out. Spend time with you. Be with you. All the time. Not as just friends or you being my older brother's friend. I want to be with you. Love you." He lowered his voice, nibbling on your bottom lip. "Just you."

A surge of warmth flooded your body. "Really?" You asked quietly, smiling shyly at him. "You mean that?"

"Of course, baby.” He laughed lightly. "Who else do you think would say such stupid things to you?"

"Oh, I don't know. Some guy named Wooyoung." You quipped back.

"Ha ha, very funny." He groaned, cupping your cheek before capturing your lips in his.

"Wooyoung..." You whispered against his lips. "You know I love you, right?"

"Since when?" He whispered back, leaning forward and pressing his lips to your neck. "Noona, why haven't you said it to me sooner?"

"Because I wasn't sure if I loved you." You admitted, pulling away slightly to meet his gaze. "But now I am."

"Ahhh..." Wooyoung moaned softly. "I love you too, Y/N."

"Wait, I didn't hear you." You laughed, grabbing hold of his collar. "Say it again."

"Noona...I love you." He repeated himself, gazing at you with adoring eyes. "I love you."

You kissed him deeply, loving how responsive he was to your kisses. His hands tangled in your hair as he deepened the kiss, leaving trails of fire on your lips. Suddenly, you pulled away from him and stared into his eyes. "I love you too, Wooyoung."

"Fuck, Y/N..." He groaned, covering his mouth with his hand. "My hyung is gonna kill me."

"Don't worry about him." You laughed. "He'll be happy that his best friend and his younger brother finally found happiness together."

"You really love me right?" He asked, his lips on your shoulder.

"More than you'll ever know." You replied softly, staring into his dark eyes. "I know I complain about my bad luck in men and that I just wanted someone to give me proper love and care. Guess he was right in front of me, all along."

"I'll make sure to treat you with love and care from now on." Wooyoung promised, pressing another kiss to your neck.

"Promise?" You giggled, biting his bottom lip.

"Absolutely." He smirked at you. "Y/N, you're the only woman I will ever want."

"Hmmm." You hummed, wrapping your legs around his waist. "Then let's just stay in bed all night...hmm?"

"Oh yeah, you're absolutely right." Wooyoung grinned, bringing you even closer to him. "We should stay in bed.”

[dragonagegayz]

Wherever You Go, I'll Be Right Beside You

Rating: Explicit

Game: Dragon Age The Veilguard

Pairing: Lucanis x Rook, Rookcanis, Lucanis x TransMale!Rook

Word Count: 14,700

I didn't intentionally write this with my Rook in mind but uh yeah, it def my Rook, he even gets named dropped so sorry friends

also, I did not mean to write 14k I was really aiming for like 4 and then just 10k more of stuff, I am so sorry lol

Summary: Too long Rook and Lucanis have been separated after the defeat of the gods, so the leader of the Veilguard returns to Treviso to surprise his lover. Reunion sex ensues and all the emotions that come with that.

Warning: I am a trans man author and use cunt/clit to describe Rook's junk!

Title comes from the song "Steady Hand" by Saint Motel

Ao3 link

     After saving the world from ending, you’d expect the one who was the leader in all of it to probably get some sort of break from responsibilities, they did save the world after all. Unfortunately for Rook Thorne, such a luxury was not available to him and he quickly found himself running all across Thedas to try to tend to hundreds of different things for those who helped in the fight against the Evenuruis. Helping the Veil Jumpers reestablish their footing in Arlathan, trying to get the Shadow Dragons back into power in Minrathous, focusing an effort to return balance to the Necropolis after the fade nearly fell, and of course, helping the leadership of the Grey Wardens establish a new purpose for the organization and for those who chose to stay as Wardens. It was good in a way, helping those in need was a calling Rook always answered which helped him to see his team fairly often even after going their separate ways. The elf had made a lot of friends in the journey doing so and to be able to see what those relationships bloomed into was one of the perks of it all to him. Especially with the Grey Wardens, being a part of his group’s history from curing the calling to discovering their new call of duty felt important, vital even. Rook loved it, he truly couldn’t deny that.

     But he also couldn’t deny the desire to just stop for a moment and relax, to take a moment to breathe and see his work before charging head first into the next thing.

And it would be incredibly nice to see his lover again.

     It had been at least a month since he’d seen Lucanis and their last interaction had been so brief Rook hesitated to even call it anything but a figment of his imagination. They had met for coffee in Treviso, Cafe Petra of course, and while their date had been wonderful, it had barely lasted an hour before the First Talon had to be pulled away, as did the Grey Warden. They barely got to share a kiss before they parted, a short peck of their lips together, and a promise of more from both men. Well, neither had expected it was going to be another month before they would see each other again. Had Rook known that, he wouldn’t have let his lover out of his sight for at least 24 hours, maybe even 48. Perhaps it was dramatic but to know he was only going to be able to talk to Lucanis through letters for such a long time, he would have done everything and anything to just hear the man’s voice in his ears for as long as possible before being forced to part.

     Rook knew he wasn’t the only one feeling the distance though, the more days they spent apart, the more sad the First Talon’s letter became. More little details of pet names, more mentions of longing and missing the elf. There were even a few times where Spite would write too, angry lines of asking when Rook would return and even one time about how he missed his smell. When he wrote a response, the elf made sure to dab a little of his cologne on the paper, the response he got was from a single sheet of paper with a giant thank you written on it. The grey warden still wasn’t sure which one of them had written it.

     So, after a long, grueling month without seeing his lover, Rook decided enough was enough. After making sure the Grey Wardens weren’t in desperate need of his assistance anywhere, he let Evka and Antione know he was going to Treviso and wasn’t sure when he’d be back. Evka had given him this knowing look but for as much as she teased, she always understood. Antione did too, ever the romantic, and even made sure to assure Rook as he was leaving for Antiva to not worry about things in the Wetlands. “We’ve got it here, go and see your First Talon!” He yelled as he practically pushed the other warden into the Eluvian.

     By the time Rook got to Treviso, night had already settled over the city. Which didn’t mean much for its citizens, even with the sun set the markets still buzzed with people, cafes, and casinos full of patrons to please. However, it also meant the attendants at House Dellamorte would most likely be in bed and if there was one thing Rook hated more than anything, it was being a bother, especially in his lover’s home. Lucanis had tried to assure him that it was fine and that his home was Rook’s home but it was intimidating, to say the least. Rook had grown up in a 4 roomed shack where they had to use an outhouse, the mansion was nauseating for him to even stand in, let alone try to stay at. It just always felt strange and with Caterina being there too, the Grey Warden always just felt it was best to avoid it. Either way, he found that getting a room at the inn was usually the best way to avoid interruption from the Crows when with their First Talon. What could Rook say? He knew it was selfish but Lucanis was the one thing he was proud to be selfish about. He was the elf’s lover, after all, not the Crow’s.

     He always ended up at the same inn, one located right in the heart of the market district. He liked the atmosphere it gave the rooms he rented, Rook would crack the windows open a bit to let the noises of the Treviso city life filter through, it became a low buzz in the back of his brain, almost as a way to fill the empty space left by the blight no longer in his body. And so, when he had exchanged his gold for the room, (the attendant knew who he was, thanked him for saving the world, and tried to offer the room for free but Rook refused) that was the first thing he did after setting his bag down. This time, however, the elf threw the whole window open, letting the cool sea air hit his face as he looked out over the markets. It was lit with those cool-toned lights, and there was that wonderful low murmur of people talking, making sure to be quieter since it was night after all. There were clinks of glass, gentle clashing of steel, and the occasional mewing of the cats that laid lazily around the city. It was comforting, a reminder that everything Rook had worked for with the Veilgaurd meant these people could go about and live their lives. It was humbling and gratifying to know he was a part of it.

     Rook was ready to pull away from the window, to get changed and head to bed, ready to rest up to surprise his lover in the morning but a flash of feathers caught his eyes down at the market stalls. He squinted a bit to see and as soon as he realized who he was looking at, he sprinted from the room, nearly forgetting to lock the door in his haste. The elf stumbled through the halls, apologizing to the group of people he had run through and usually, he would be far more eloquent with his apologies but all he could do was yell out a “Sorry!” Over his shoulder as he ran out into the street. On the way down Rook managed to calm himself into a brisk walk instead of a sprint, the markets too busy for him to be running like a child. He quickly made his way to the stall he saw from his window.

     There, with his back to Rook, hands on his hips, and head tilted to the side was the First Talon of the Crow’s, evidently deep in thought as he pursued the seller's wares of the stall he stood at. Rook noticed they were weapons, specialized daggers it seemed with the variety he saw laid out. A certain one caught his eyes, so he cleared his throat loudly which made the Crow in front of him pause. “I’ve heard Wyvren Tooth Daggers are good, I’d recommend it if you haven’t got one,” The Grey Warden watched as for a brief moment the other man tensed, before he very quickly spun on his heel to look at Rook. Their eyes met and, as it always did when they reunited, Rook’s heart thumped hard in his chest.

     He didn’t even get to open his mouth to talk again when Lucanis practically barreled into him, arms wrapping around his waist and the elf was lifted into the air as the spirit wings popped from the Crow, spinning the Grey Warden around as the other man buried his face into the crook of Rook’s neck. He couldn’t help the laugh he let out, especially when he felt a gentle inhale from the man’s nose. “You’re home,” A raspy voice said, it was happy in tone and the elf couldn't help but place a kiss on the man’s temple. “I am, Spite,” He said gently, giving a squeeze to the arms around him. He could have sworn he heard a quick purr.

     Then Lucanis looked up at him, face barely pulled away from his neck and Rook swore his heart turned to goop as those big brown eyes looked at him as if he was the only thing in this world. The elf placed his hands on either side of Lucanis’ face, pressing their foreheads together. “You’re here, you’re really here” The Crow said. Rook giggled quietly at the deja vu of his words. “I am,” He confirmed, opening his eyes again to look into the other’s brown ones. There was awe in his eyes, almost like he was in disbelief to be holding his lover in his arms again. That made Rooks hard beat in a much more pained way this time, so he just pulled the man in close, letting their lips meet for their first kiss they got to share in over a month.

     Kissing Lucanis wasn’t like the way the books Rook would read had described it to be. It wasn’t about sparks flying or this intense overwhelming feeling that would make his head spin. It was warm, all-enveloping but in this comforting way, the same one someone gets after getting home after a long stretch away. Safe and loving, it was something the Grey Warden never thought he was ever going to experience. Yet here he was, in the arms of the First Talon of the Corw’s no less, in the Treviso Marketplace with fingers digging into his waist and the lips of his lover so generously making up for lost time. Then the hands on his hips began to wander a little further up, playing with the buckle of Rook’s belt when he pulled away with a laugh, much to Lucanis’ disappointment. His pout was what some may call unbecoming of a Talon of the Crow’s but the elf loved it. “We’re in public,” He teased, finally straightening up enough so the two were standing, the assassin now a few inches taller than the elf again. He got another frown in return once again made him laugh, lifting his hand cup to the other man’s cheek who buried his face into it, Lucanis laid a kiss on the palm. “I am First Talon, I can do as I please,” He grumbled into the hand. Rook smiled up at him, placing a kiss on the man’s cheek, which he trailed to his mouth where they once again met in the middle, this time though he didn’t let Lucanis deepen the kiss as the Grey Warden pulled away, causing a very, very quiet whine to leave the human.

     “I have a room at the inn,” Rook said, nodding towards said inn which got him a hum of disapproval from his lover.“I still don’t understand why you don’t just come to the estate, we have plenty of room,” The crow mused, it wasn’t angry more curious than anything and the elf just shrugged. “You know me, I like humble sort of quarters besides,” He leaned in, placing a kiss on the earlobe of the taller man. “We’ll be alone,” It was a whisper; words meant only for the Crow. Usually, Lucanis would fight a little bit more about getting Rook to the estate, always saying how he felt bad how his lover felt the need to stay in an inn instead of his home but there was a look in the man’s eye that said all the elf needed to know. ‘You’re right, we’ll talk about it later,’

     They shared another kiss. This time when Lucanis pulled back, there was purple in his eyes and a vague sense of displeasure. “Why are we still standing here?” Spite asked in his choppy, unpleased way which only made Rook laugh, lacing their fingers together and pulling the other man towards the inn. “Ok, ok. C’mon before someone decides they need the First Talon,” He joked. There was a squeeze to his hand as the Crow followed his steps. “They will have to pry us away from you,” This time Spite’s voice and Lucanis’ seemed to overlap which made the elf smile. Even after saving Caterina, it was hard to get the two to agree sometimes but they always agreed about Rook. From wanting to pamper him to giving him their sole attention, they both just wanted him to have the best treatment they could provide. He was spoiled for attention by the two and he was more than ready to make up for the lost time in the month he couldn’t see them.

     As Rook guided his lover to the Inn, he could feel those eyes on his body but he knew it wasn’t a lustful stare at him, but those big brown eyes looking at him with reverence. If the elf were a betting man, he’d put all his money on the fact Lucanis was probably thinking something along the lines of “I am so lucky,” As he so often did when the two got together. When they passed the threshold of the inn, another squeeze came from where their hands were still intertwined. “To be yours,” A dreamy sigh. “I am the luckiest man alive,” The crow whispered, pulled the Grey Warden close for a moment, and pressed a kiss to the tip of his pointed ear. Rook had to laugh at that, a silent victory of knowing his lover so well as they continued to his room.

     Finally, the two made it, nearly running into a group of crows on the way (The same group Rook had barrelled through earlier, he had a feeling if they saw him with the First Talon in tow there would be questions so they chose to go all the way around). When the door clicked behind them, the elf found his hand dropped but very quickly he was crowded against the opposite wall, hands on his hips before he was spun around. Before he knew it, Lucanis practically attacked his neck with such vigor he accidentally bit down a little too hard. There was a yelp from the shorter man and the other apologized with a gentle lap of his tongue to the probably bruising love bite. Reflexively, Rook swallowed down his moan, letting his hands fall on top of where the other’s hands were. A growl came out. “I like your noises,” Spite spat at the Grey Warden. It was him who moved next as a thumb dug into his newly acquired hickey making him yell out in surprise. The answering chuckle was laced with both the demon and the man’s laughter, which made the elf huff. “This feels a bit like two-on-one,” He said softly, trailing his hands up the other man’s arms slowly, letting himself feel the elegant lines of his lover’s muscle arms through the First Talon’s jacket. He couldn’t wait till it was discarded away so he could get a full touch. “Spite wants you to know how much he missed you too, I think,” Lucanis mumbled against the elf’s skin, still buried in the man’s jawline giving a mix of the most body-worshipping, loving kisses with much gentler love bites in the mix. Rook laughed, feeling the sensation of his throat vibrating where his lover was pressed against. “Well I missed him too,” He said softly, with a teasing smile on his lips. One last kiss was placed on his neck before the other man pulled away, eyes half-lidded with a ghost of a smile on his lips, almost like he was nervous.

     “Did you miss me?” He whispered like he was afraid to speak too loud. Rook sighed, a dreamy, love drunk sigh as he pushed himself from the wall, standing up straight with a slight tilt to his head as he looked up at his wonderful lover. From this close, Rook could see the bags under his eyes though they weren’t as bad as they had been when the two had first met. Lucanis was now at least getting more consistent sleep though he once confessed in a letter that without Rook at his side, he found sleep elusive again. The Grey Warden understood that, he too found sleep hard to get without his lover’s arms wrapped around him. Sometimes he could swear he could feel something around him some nights, always joking to himself that it was Spite who managed to find him through the fade. Lucanis brushed Rook’s fallen bangs from his face. “Of course I missed you,” The elf whispered back. A grin formed on his lover’s face and very quickly, the two’s lips met again and unlike their last ones, this had a hunger underneath the exchanges.

     Hands began to drift, wandering with curiosity as the two very slowly made their way to the bed. Tongues met as the Crow spun Rook to be the one to sit on the bed, and bent down to continue their exchange as his tongue so lovingly lavished the elf with attention, mapping out the other man’s mouth like he was starved for his taste, or like Rook was going to vanish from his arms. When they pulled away, the Grey Warden chuckled as he trailed a finger down the other man’s neck. “I’m not going anywhere,” He promised. Lucanis paused for a moment, surprise on his face before he shook his head, climbing to straddle the shorter man, hands being placed at the base of his skull before the man pulled the elf into a much more aggressive, attention-needing kiss.

     Moans were enchanged, the vibration of them filling each other’s mouths and the subtlest moves of each other’s hips against the other. The two never moved very fast or aggressively when they had sex, it wasn’t a competition, it was supposed to be a shared moment in time between the two and they wanted to savor every moment of it. (There was also the two’s lacking experience but they knew each other’s bodies well enough now that it wasn’t an issue anymore) Especially after being away from each other for as long as they were, while they didn’t talk about it they simply understood this was meant to be an exploration of each other. To allow each other the touches that they have been denied by distance for a month. So when Lucanis pulled away, chest heaving ever so slightly as he tried to pull air into his lungs, he slipped away from his lover’s lap and began to work on his outfit to undress. For a moment, Rook simply watched with reverence, absorbed by the man’s skilled, dexterous hands undressing himself with the cunning that only a master assassin could wield. Temptation ate away at the Grey Warden and he eventually stood to join his lover, helping to remove whatever buckles and straps he could get his hands on.

     As the man undressed the two were in silence, the background of the Treviso market still there but turned to that low buzz in Rook’s ears. After a few minutes of this, the Crow stopped to kiss his lover, and the Grey Warden continued his work for him. Very quickly though, Rook found himself in a losing battle the the numerous buckles and ties. When a semi-frustrated curse fell from the man’s lips Lucanis chuckled at him before taking over once more.

     Finally, the main part of the outfit lay discarded to the side of the bed, leaving the man only in a long shirt and pants. Anticipation at seeing his lover’s body gnawed at him but when Rook reached out to the bottom of his shirt, Lucanis’ hands stopped him a teasing smirk on his lips. “Your turn,” Was all he said, nodding down to the other man’s outfit. A grumble of annoyance came from the elf and he stepped back, ready to start throwing clothes from his body but the other man shook his head, stepping forward to start working on removing the man’s shoulder pads. “Gentle,” He chided, eyes focused on the task at hand. The Grey Warden huffed but followed the instructions, working on undoing the other metal shoulder plating from its spot, both finishing at the same time and Lucanis took them in both hands, gently setting them on a nearby desk earning a laugh from the other man. “You throw your stuff to the side but treat mine so kindly?” Rook teased, accepting the kiss the assassin leaned down to give. What was supposed to probably just be a brief come-together became more slowly heated, once again Lucanis letting his tongue explore his lover’s mouth with great respect, the best kind of worship.

     When he pulled away there was a haze to his dark eyes but still, he continued his work, sliding the heavy jacket from Rook’s shoulders. “Your armor is an extension of you, I would never treat you unkindly, why would I treat what protects you so?” He answered with a murmur. Blood rushed to Rook’s cheeks as he looked away from the man, letting himself be moved so the other could pull the coat from his arms. “You and your words sometimes,” The elf mumbled earning him a breathy chuckle from his lover who just placed a kiss on the tip of his nose before he continued his reverence undressing. It was a slow process, the assassin so careful with each buckle undone and with each new piece he removed, he’d so gently place it on the desk, neatly organized for later retrieval. Rook glanced over to his lover’s outfit on the ground. “Well now I feel bad about yours,” He muttered with a bit of an embarrassed tint to his voice. Lucanis shook his head, pulling the thick gloves from the elf’s fingers, kissing his knuckles once the skin was revealed. “Never feel bad for me Rook. With you in my life I want for nothing, I have all I need and all I feel right here,” The words were so soft, that the elf could feel the move of his lover’s lips against his skin where he continued to kiss each knuckle, switching to the other hand once he finished with that one.

     Worship didn’t feel enough of a word to describe Lucanis’ actions but it was the closest the Grey Warden could think as he watched the crow continue to undress him and with every inch of skin reveal a new kiss was placed upon it. “You make me speechless sometimes,” Rook whispered like it was something he was afraid to admit. Usually, the man had a quip for anything and everything, always a smart word on his tongue and he was especially good at it at the beginning of his and Lucanis' relationship. He was the one to tease the assassin into a blushing mess, purposeful remarks to watch his ears turn a wonderful shade of red but now, Rook found himself at the mercy of his lover’s smooth words. Maybe Lucanis was getting lessons from Crows on wooing, maybe Spite’s influence gave him more confidence or maybe he just was more comfortable saying what was on his mind, no longer held back by nonexisting self-worth and belief he didn’t deserve the love Rook gave him. The elf hoped (and knew, truly) it was the latter. There was a hazy high that came with the thought that the First Talon of the Crow’s felt these things for him, and after all the two went through to get here, it felt well earned. There was a smirk on his lover’s face once Rook noticed Lucanis had been talking to him but the Grey Warden had been too absorbed in his staring and thoughts he didn’t even realize.

“Uh, sorry what was that?”

     The answered chuckle he got was low, as his lover shifted his focus to the chest plate, fingers caressing down his sides as he found the buckles. “No no, I want to know what is on your mind that has the indomitable Rook so flushed in the face,” The tease was playful, only worsening the elf’s blush as he squirmed under the touch of the Crow’s wandering hands. “I’m just glad you’re comfortable with me, to be like this,” Rook mused, humming when his lover leaned down for another kiss. When they pulled away, Lucanis had his chest plate in his hand, once again turning towards the desk to place it down. When he turned there was a gentle encouraging look in his eyes, trying to get the man to continue his thought as the taller man started on the Grey Warden’s belt and the sash under it. “You never hold back what’s on your mind, you didn’t use to do that when we first met,” Rook continued, watching his lover swiftly remove what he was working on, again placed with reverence. Lucanis had even folded the sash up. A hum came from the man as he turned back, now working on the ties on the long sleeves, lifting the elf’s left hand to his mouth, laying a kiss on the exposed wrist, and going up the arm with each new tie undone. The Grey Warden could only sigh under the attention, allowing himself to be moved however Lucanis wished.

     “You were very intimidating back then,” His lover whispered against his skin, which made Rook choke on a laugh only to earn a raised eyebrow in response. “You truly were,” The words were teasing but still honest, he could tell by the way the Crow so earnestly stared down at him even as he switched to the other arm, following his set pattern of untying and lavishing any exposed skin with gentle, loving kisses. “How?” The Grey Warden asked, voice quiet as he watched how in-depth his lover was with his administrations of attention. Nothing was left untouched, unloved. “You were and are, a whirlwind of force Rook. You shine bright, always managing to undo my clouds of despair and it scared me,” Lucanis explained in a soft voice, hands now wandering to the last piece on the elf’s body from his armor besides his boots, pants, and shirt. The elf chuckled, going to pull the last part off himself but the Crow stopped him, instead leaning in to lavish the other side of Rook’s neck with kisses and bites as he had done before. “I was holding onto my own clouds of despair then too,” The elf muttered quietly, letting his hands go to the other man’s shoulders and pulling him in closer. “Yes, and yet,” The words were muffled against Rook’s skin, each emphasized with another kiss. “You still helped with mine, and how lucky of a man I am that you did so,” Again, with each word a kiss was laid on the Grey Warden’s skin, going closer to the man’s ear. “For now, you are mine, and I need not ever worry of those clouds when I have you here to shine for me,” The words were whispered in his ear, Lucanis’ tone akin to a priest declaring the love for the Maker and how his kindness shines down on the people. It made Rook shiver, to bite down on his lip as he stopped a whine.

     A rough bite to his earlobe and growl spoke of Spite’s displeasure of him hiding his sounds again. “S-sorry,” The elf said quickly, turning his head to meet the lips of the demon in a way to apologize more thoroughly which pleased the spirit as he hummed into the kiss. When they parted, the brown eyes had a playful tint to them and the Grey Warden rolled his own with a giggle before tugging on his lover’s shoulders. “How much longer must I wait to see all of you?” His ask was akin to begging, and he knew he should have been more embarrassed but at this moment, a heated need began to burn in his gut. Desire made him impatient when Lucanis seemed to find more self-restraint in the throws of passion. (Until right before his peak, any restraint would leave the door as he finally allowed his emotions to overwhelm him) Thankfully, he was not feeling totally cruel as the Crow removed the last piece of the man’s armor, laying it on the desk before turning to face Rook again. He saw something on the elf’s face that made him smile fondly, which made the shorter man’s cheeks heat again.

“Sit on the bed, Amor,”

     The pet name was said very quietly, it was something Lucanis was still getting used to trying. He had once said he’d seen the way Illario threw them around when working for the Crows, how insincere they felt, and how the First Talon had developed a distaste for them. But through their letters, through their time together he started to understand the desire to call his lover these things. While still very hard, anytime he did, the rush that would run through Rook was like nothing else. No one had ever said things like that to him and Lucanis being the one to do it, both learning to use those terms together made it truly something special. Before he followed the instruction to sit on the bed, the elf pulled Lucanis down for another kiss, this time being the one to have his tongue slip into the man’s mouth, taking his time to explore what he could reach, lifting up to the balls of his feet to get a better angle. He tasted of coffee, of course. A resonating moan from his lover vibrated in his mouth and Rook responded in turn, making sure to make his noise as loud as he could. There was a rumbling pleased purr. With a laugh, the Grey Warden pulled away, leaving one last kiss on the assassin’s lips before he took a few steps back to the bed, sitting himself down and leaning back, having his arms on either side behind him to hold himself up. He basked under the eyes of Lucanis and Spite, one eye the man’s and one the demon’s as they looked down at him with a grin on their face. Once, Rook shied away from any sort of attention like this, it always felt fake, flawed in some way that made him feel like men only wanted his body, never with the Crow, this was different.

     Lucanis loved him, he loved Lucanis. They had these heady emotions for each other before ever having sex. It hadn’t important to either of them. They wanted these emotions between the two of them before that step and it just made everything so much sweeter, better. Were Rook delirious, impaired, and loose he would scream it from the rooftops of anywhere he could get to, talking about the overwhelming love he felt for the Crow to any poor soul close enough to capture his attention, and had they never had sex, it wouldn’t have mattered. It wasn’t about that, it was about their love, their worship of each other through words, through emotion. But when they did have sex, it was unlike anything else the elf had ever experienced, a special raw feeling that Rook knew he’d never share with anyone else. He didn’t need to, he had Lucanis.

     The Grey Warden watched as the other man knelt down in front of him like he did all that time ago, right after they recused the elf from the gods prison. They stared for a long moment at each other, the assassin’s hands coming to rest on the smaller man’s knee, squeezing it. A question Rook realized, as the other man tilted his head. No words needed to be exchanged, this was what happened every time they did this, a question of consent, a chance to end things before they got too far. Lucanis would follow whatever the elf wanted, if he were to shake his head, the man would stand up, place a kiss on the other’s forhead then prep them for bed and the two could fall asleep in each other’s arms. That wasn’t what Rook wanted though. So he nodded, making sure to lean down to place a kiss on the other’s lips, in a way of saying ‘thank you for checking’ as he did every time.

     A hum vibrated against his lips as they kissed and when the elf pulled away, Lucanis' hands drifted to his boots, tugging it a little as a request to have better access which made Rook lift the leg slightly, to give the other man an easier time as he pulled it off. As reverent as with the other parts of the Grey Warden’s armor, he set the boot to the side, and when he turned back he lifted the ankle of the leg to his mouth, leaving a kiss to the bone that protruded out before setting it back down. He did the same to the other leg, boot off, set aside, ankle kissed, leg set back down. When the Crow looked back up, eyes big with love, Rook had to lean down again, kissing with more pressure to try to convey the feelings that welled in his chest. He tugged at the man’s shirt, trying to get him to straighten up which he did but before the assassin could straddle the elf, like he probably planned, the Warden stood spinning them around and then pushing the man so he was the closest to the bed but he shook his head when Lucanis asked if he should sit. As they kissed, Rook’s hands traveled down to the hem of his lover’s shirt and he paused, pulling back from their kiss.

“May I?” He asked quietly, to not break the spell that was over the two of them.

     There was no hesitation in Lucanis’ nod. Trying to match his lover’s moves, Rook made sure to take the process slowly, taking his turn to kneel in front of his lover and lavish his skin with every inch exposed as he pushed the fabric up. He didn’t miss the notable bulge in the Crow’s pants either but chose to ignore it in favor of exploring the skin he finally had revealed to him. As the elf followed up the man’s happy trail he added those love bites in between his kisses which earned a breathy moan from the other. When the Warden got to the man’s rib cage he made sure to press a kiss to each rib, making sure to get both sides as he trailed further up. When he passed the man’s nipples he made sure they also got attention, each earning a kiss and gentle bite which made Lucanis jerk a little, back arching as he let out a low groan. “Tease,” A raspier voice bit out which Rook chuckled at. He continued further up, Lucanis helping him finally slipped his shirt off and they stood face to face, chests nearly touching. The elf leaned up, being met halfway by his lover and when their lips met, Rook grabbed ahold of the man���s waist, digging his fingers into the fabric of the other’s pants as their kiss deepened. The Grey Warden made sure to let whatever noises he could slip from his lips the few times he and Lucanis parted as they continued to kiss, a pleased rumble came from deep in his lover’s chest.

     Eventually, Rook had started to tug on the man’s pants, eager to get them off but the assassin stopped him with a gentle press on his hands and a chuckle, nodding down to the elf’s shirt. The elf grumbled but simply took Lucanis’ hands, guiding them to the bottom of his shirt before letting his hands drop as the man finally grabbed it and started to pull it up. Unlike the rest of his body, the Crow decided to explore his torso with his hands rather than his lips, dragging his fingers up as he slowly pulled at the shirt. The Grey Warden couldn’t help but squirm under the feeling, the vague, light ticklish feeling of not enough to get him to laugh but defiantly something he felt. Especially when the man went over his scars from the blood magic he had used to transition, their sensitivity never really goes away. His very observant lover had realized that the first night they had slept together, cracking knuckles and outright cries nearly spooked the man but Rook had assured him, it wasn’t bad; just sensitive. Now that evil man knew just how to use the right touch to to get a gasp from the elf and the evil demon always favored it as a tactic too. Usually, they would gang up on the poor Warden to get a reaction. Today though, it was about the slow, gentle touches so while the Crow did give them attention, he kept his touches light, always just barely there, barely enough.

     “Now who’s a tease?” Rook asked, shakey huffs of laughter starting to come out as the touches that were just never enough, drove him slightly insane. There was a smirk on Lucanis’ face. He gave a gentle shush to the other man as he allowed his fingers to glide across his torso, no longer trying to lift the shirt off but letting it fall back into place, just now with his hands under it. With a rather dramatic huff, the elf went to grab the shirt himself but the hands on his torso quickly darted back out to catch his, purple eyes looking down at him. “No touch,” Spite growled rather ruthlessly but there was no fear in Rook, instead just an inpatient whine. “Then get on with it,” He said back, raising an eyebrow as he looked up, watching as one eye faded from the purple to see those blown open brown eyes, now just a thing ring around his dark pupil.

The Grey Warden swallowed hard.

     “Let us worship you, Amor, you deserve nothing less,” The words were so honestly spoken, his eyes were like that of a begging puppy as the assassin looked down at his lover. The elf squirmed under his gaze, wondering if this was how the taller man’s targets felt right before he would strike, that heady anticipation of something coming just around the corner. But unlike those people, he would get to keep his life, though probably not with his dignity intact. “Wouldn’t you rather worship all of me?” He tried to tease, he hoped his words didn’t sound as needy as they had felt in his mouth. Was he begging, he wondered? Rook honestly wasn’t sure, far too concerned with getting the rest of their damn clothes off than worrying if his desperation for his lover was obvious to said lover. The answering groan he got wasn’t what he was expecting but the Grey Warden had no complaints as his shirt was finally slipped from his body. When the elf leaned in for another kiss, he was temporarily ignored as the assassin folded his shirt ever so neatly and set it on top of Rook’s coat, making sure they were stacked neat and straight. With a quiet groan, the Warden took hold of the other man’s pants, tugging on one of the belt loops to get his lover’s attention. As the man turned to look at him, Rook rocked forward onto the balls of their feet again, accidentally knocking their noses together causing both men to giggle as the taller man rubbed his jokingly. They were still giving each other those big grins when lips finally met again, laughs turning at moans as Lucanis’ hands returned to exploring Rook’s body, and the elf decided to do the same to his lover. With every teasing dig of the assassin’s fingernail into the Grey Warden’s scars, the other would respond in kind by tugging on the other man’s body hair, not too hard but just enough to get similar noises to his own to leave his lover’s mouth. A few one-word exchanges went between the two as they did so.

“Tease,” Lucanis mumbled.

“Flirt,” Rook whispered.

“Temptress,”

“Enticer,”

“Gorgeous,”

“Handsome,”

“Amor,”

“Schatz,”

     With each word, muttered against each other’s lips, their hands wandered lower and lower till both held the waistline of each other’s pants, one gentle tug away for each into being naked. Lucanis was the one to pull back, taking in a quick deep breath before pressing his forehead to his lover’s, Rook sighed dreamily at the view of the other man. A few moments passed as each man tried to gather their breaths. “Do you wish to continue?” The assassin asked in a whisper, eyes trained onto the Grey Warden’s, probably looking for any form of hesitation in the man. At first, the elf just nodded but when the grip on his pants didn’t change he realized he was going to have to voice his desire to continue so he cleared his throat, trying not to focus on the lingering taste of coffee that had been filling his senses since reuniting with his lover. “Please, let’s please keep going,” It was begging, through and through but Rook found he couldn’t care. Especially not when the other man finally pulled his pants off and let them fall to the floor, a shiver running through the elf as the wetness between his thighs was exposed to the air, colder than the heat of his body and the heated head of his hardened clit. He squirmed around as he adjusted to the air, reaching for his lover’s pants so they could both be in the same state on undress but of course, he was stopped by the other man.

     Rook defiantly didn’t let out a swear, and he didn’t let out a whine as he was denied. Lucanis leaned down to kiss him before he continued to go down, gently pushing the elf back so he would step out of his pants and so the Crow could pick them up. The Warden didn’t think much of it until a snarky, raspy huff came from him as the man straightened back up. He looked down to see what Spite was planning but his body involuntarily jerked up when a puff of air was blown rather cruelly against his sensitive clit, the little stimulation still enough for a full body twitch. “Bastard!” He whispered in a high voice as his head was thrown back, eyes squeezing tight as he tried to ignore the oversensitivity of his body. It had been too long since he last had been with his lover if his body’s reaction was anything to go off of. The answering raspy chuckle was a tease in itself, Rook swore as his nerves seemingly sparked at the sound, trying to shake his head as if he could shake the sensation from his skin. Hands cupped his hips and purple eyes met his as the demon leaned in, the kiss the two of them shared much more aggressive than anything with Lucanis. For a moment, the hands now on his ass, tightened, just barely pulling the elf’s cheeks apart much to his surprise before they very quickly stopped and pulled away returning to his hips.

     The taller man pulled away from the kiss with an annoyed sigh, shaking his head disapprovingly. “Spite and you need to learn some patience,” He joked. Rook smiled up at him, sliding his hands back down to the other man’s pants. “Or someone needs to hurry up a little,” He joked back, the elf hooking his fingers into the assassin’s waistband and mustering up the biggest, pleading eyes in a bid to finally shed his lover of the last of his clothes. Lucanis smiled down fondly before he nodded, laughing at the Grey Warden’s excited whine as he finally got to push the man’s pants down. Rook let himself moan out freely as he watched the man’s cock jut out, head swollen red with neglect and precum slick at the tip of it. It was gratifying to see the elf wasn’t the only one so affected by their rather extended foreplay.

     The shorter man took a step so the Crow could kick his pants away before quite nearly rushing him, pulling him down into a kiss, and crowding him to the bed. His lover hummed, the vibration of it rattling in Rook’s mouth making him moan as he pushed the assassin to the bed. He took a brief moment to admire the scene before him, Lucanis’ big brown eyes swimming in lust and black, his cock standing proud in between his legs where they were spread, ready to receive Rook however he wanted. Different possibilities began to go through his head, it almost became overwhelming the number of ideas he came up with as this innate desire to make up for lost time caused him to overthink. The assassin must have noticed something was off because the Warden found himself being pulled into the other man’s arms, his chin resting on the elf’s upper stomach as he looked up with those eyes. “Slow, let us take it slow Amor,” He whispered. There was an assurance under those words, an unspoken ‘We’ll have more time,’. It was a promise Rook knew Lucanis would keep.

     So the elf nodded, taking a moment to calm his racing thoughts and heartbeat before gently pulling away from his lover only to kneel in front of him and his proud standing cock. A hand found its way into the Grey Warden’s deep red hair, not pulling or tugging, just sitting there like reassurance. Rook shuffled forward till he could comfortably reach out for Lucanis’ dick, legs somewhat already aching from the long days he had been doing but the elf ignored them, this was more than worth the burning thighs. The elf hesitated for a short few seconds, as he always did when it came to this, fear of inexperience always managing to creep up on him during these moments. The hand sat in his hair tightening, just a little, making Rook look up at his lover and what he saw made any worry melt instantly. When he looked up, the shorter man saw the other man’s spirit wings were out and unfurled, one eye purple then the other darkened brown, and this look of pure admiration from both the man and demon. They looked down at Rook as if he was the most beautiful single object in the entire world. As if nothing else in this world mattered except for the here and now, with Rook kneeling at their feet ready to please.

     With renewed confidence, the Grey Warden reached out, wrapping a hand around the base of the man’s cock as he leaned in, giving a single swipe of his tongue to the slickened pre-cum head. A happy purr rumbled out the Crow as he threw his head back in ecstasy, this time Rook wasn’t sure if it was Lucanis, Spite, or both but was happy to have caused such a reaction. He continued his gentle lavishes on the man’s dick, hand never straying from the base as he went up and down the shaft leaving one kiss after the other in a very similar fashion to what his lover had down to the elf’s body as he was undressed. It felt good, to be able to give the same attention to the man he adored, especially with the moans tumbling from the assassin’s mouth, all those going straight through the elf. He knew he leaking on the floor himself and tried to squeeze things together to get some relief. It didn’t do much but make a moan fall from his lips. The vibrations against Lucanis’ dick made the taller man throw his head back again with a much louder groan this time, the hand in Rook’s hair tightened for a second before the Crow realized and he loosened it again but didn’t pull away. He knew the Warden needed the comfort of his touch even as pleasure began to overwhelm the assassin. Very carefully, Rook leaned in and began to take the man’s cock into his mouth, the pace slow and controlled as he sunk to about halfway on his lover’s cock before pausing to get his bearings. His eyes fluttered as he tried to get a look at the other man’s face and nearly choked when their eyes met. How Lucanis still managed to have those damnable puppy eyes while being pleasured was a mystery to the Grey Warden.

     Rook took in a few breaths through his nose, getting ahold of his nerves again as he started to move further down his lover. He managed to take in another inch before deciding tonight was not a night for attempting to deepthroat, so he brought his other hand up to wrap around the remaining length. The assassin hummed, an appreciative noise that the elf could swear he felt in his bones. Neither man was partially good at dirty talk, still too relatively new to sex to add it so instead they would encourage each other with noises, and gestures while also making sure to check in with one another. “Alright?” Lucanis asked in a breathless tone, heavy breathing coming once he managed to squeak the word out. Rook nodded, or as much as he could, before fluttering his eyelids as check-in back to the other man, and the answered chuckle he got was playful, teasing. “I am wonderful Amor,” The Crow assured, hand coming down to wipe away some drool that had started to leak out the side of the Grey Warden’s mouth.

     After a few minutes of letting Rook adjust, which was a great show of the assassin’s self-control as his hips never moved, not even a little, the elf began to move. A slow pull back off the man’s cock before just the tip of the head remained in his mouth before going back down in a smooth movement of back and forth, with his hands getting what his mouth couldn’t reach. Lucanis, ever the gentleman, used his self-restraint as a master assassin to never let his hips jump or jerk while his lover pleasured him. It was wildly impressive, especially as the growing blush on his cheeks started to travel to his ears and his chest which was just a show of how much the man was enjoying it. There was one particular moment where Rook thought he had got the man to lose some of the restraint, as the moan he got on the way down at one point was shakey, very loud as it echoed through the room. A smirk found its way to the elf’s face as he remembered the open window. People probably heard that, and while they didn’t know it was the First Talon of the Crows, the shorter man sure did.

Talk about a power trip.

     Lucanis didn’t falter though and his hips remained firmly planted on the bed, never forcing his cock deeper than what Rook was taking in. Ever the gentleman. The Grey Warden did one last move down, taking as much as he comfortably could, to hear the other man cry out again before he pulled away, giving a lick to the red tip as he did so. Something was whispered under the Crow’s breath and the elf was fairly certain it was something along the lines of “Tease,” but he let it be, the ache between his legs starting to take more precedence than his smart mouth. He leaned back for a moment, spreading his legs just enough so his clit was no longer being rubbed by them to give himself a moment of respite. Rook felt the man’s eyes on him and he knew, with a prideful smugness, his lover was looking down at his wet cunt. The Grey Warden smiled under the attention, spreading his legs just a little further to allow his lover a better look who whimpered once he did, eyes shining with a glint that the shorter man knew all too well. He shook his head, which earned a displeased, confused sound from the Crow, who tilted his head in curiosity at the man’s silent refusal. “Not tonight,” Rook reasoned that as much as he would love for his lover to eat him out, something Lucanis did very well, this had gone on long enough, and while he was ok with slow, he needed the other man in him now.

“I want to ride you,”

     It was said in a low tone, a pleading tone that was whiney in a way, desperate. The responding moan he got in return had him squirming as his clit twitched at the sound. The hand on his head moved to be in front of the Warden, out reached to help him to his feet which Rook graciously accepted. Once he was standing, hands made their way to his lower thighs. “Allow me to prep you, Amor?” It was a kind ask, and probably to Lucanis a simple gesture to continue their foreplay but the elf shook his head, placing his hands on either side of the Crow’s face and tilting his head so they could kiss, slow. When he pulled away, he pressed their foreheads together. “I don’t need it,” He reasoned, shifting as he felt just how wet he was. Lucanis frowned. “I don’t want to hurt you,” The man reasoned back, brow furrowed down in worry. Rook gave a breathy laugh as he moved to kiss the worried wrinkles on his lover’s forehead away. “You won’t, I’m uh…” He cleared his throat with embarrassment, his cheeks heating up as he tried to say the words. “I’m wet enough,” The Grey Warden eventually squeaked out, having to fight against his eye’s desire to squeeze shut to hide away from his lover’s caring eyes. But he knew if he did that, it would just worry his lover more so, the elf fought himself to keep eye contact. Though, it had worked as Lucanis’ eyes fluttered for a moment at his words and a shakey sigh came from the man. Pride rushed through Rook.

     When his lover looked at him, he just nodded before clearing his throat to speak again. “How do you want me?” The Crow asked. Rook pulled away from him for a second, pushing aside from fallen hair from his face. “Like this,” He answered, climbing into the lap of his lover. The happy noise that came from his chest was Spite and the demon took over for a moment so his hands could wander down to the elf’s ass again, giving it a squeeze which made the Warden laugh. Lucanis joined after a moment, the two coming together to kiss even as their chuckles and giggles entwined as their lips touched. As they kissed, Rook reached down, wrapping his hand around the base of the other man’s cock again before guiding it to his cunt. The hands on his ass tightened as he teased the head against his pussy, his own wet slick mixing with the other man’s pre-cum, adding to the mess already between the elf’s legs. Not that he minded.

     With a slow intake of air, Rook finally guided the head in and started his slow descent down the man’s cock. While the amount of slick from both of them helped, the no prep slowed the Warden into needing to take every inch as slow as he could. It was a consistent pace, never really stopping but it was paced so as not to overwhelm the shorter man. To Lucanis’ credit, he didn’t move again, just letting his lover take his time in sinking down on his cock. He rubbed circled into the elf’s hip bones, laying kisses on the shoulder he could reach and while no words were exchanged, with each kiss Rook could feel the praise he was thinking. ‘So good, you’re always so good for me,’ They said as he kissed up and down the Grey Warden’s exposed skin. Unable to say his own words, the shorter man just sighed, continuing his way down as his way of saying ‘And you are good for me,’. About halfway down the man’s dick, Rook had to pause, his legs giving a full shake at the tension of holding his body up the way he was. A curious sound came from Lucanis, another check-in Rook realized. He made sure to nod, as reassuring as he could and he smiled down at the other man, giving his squeeze to the man’s shoulder as his check-in. The Crow returned the smile and nodded as well, tilting his head up as he silently asked for a kiss which the Warden graciously returned.

     Slowly, but surely, Rook continued his descent down as the two continued to kiss, the burn of the stretch a bit uncomfortable but it was starting to fall away as his walls began to flutter around the man’s cock. Both men let out equally loud groans when the elf finally got to the base of his cock, the stretch once again hitting uncomfortably as the Grey Warden squirmed at the pressure. Lucanis' breath hitched as he did so and Rook placed a kiss on the shoulder he was leaning over as an apology. “Are… A-are you alright, A-Amor?” Even through what must be overwhelming heat and tightness, the taller man’s main concern was for his Warden which in turn made the shorter man’s heart melt. “I’m o-ok, just need to g-get used to it, a-are you…?” Rook couldn’t continue as he let out another moan, his body’s nerves alit with what just felt like ‘Lucanis, Lucanis, Lucanis,’ His lover gave a hum, turning his head so the two men’s lips could meet in a kiss, a quick exchange of tongues where the coffee taste on the Grey Warden’s tongue, that had been melting away, was returned in full force. A perfect bitter dark blend, one that just encapsulated the master assassin just so. When they pulled away, there was a wide smile on the Crow’s face. “With you in my arms again, I want for nothing in this moment,” He answered with full clarity as if he could now so easily handle the cunt wrapped around his aching cock, if only to make Rook’s head rush with a heady mix of love and the need to be fucked by his lover, right now.

     But, slow and steady was the name of this game today so instead he just sighed as he leaned into the side of the First Talon, peppering kisses and bites down his jawline to the muscles in his neck. The hands on his hips continued the comforting circles and Lucanis made sure to give the elf as much access to his body as he wanted, moving in whatever way made things easier for Rook. Always the thoughtful one. So the Grey Warden decided he deserved to be rewarded for his kindness and slowly began to squeeze around the man’s cock, basking in the sound of surprise that came from his lover. The groans that came from the Crow were heavenly, who needed the Maker when Rook had this angelic moment right here? The look of the man too, his head was thrown back, his eyes closed and mouth open slightly as he let his noises loose from deep within his chest. Who needed the Golden City when the elf had this man in a way no one had ever seen and no one would ever see? Eternal afterlife had nothing on the throws of passion with the man Rook loved with his whole body, mind, and soul.

     “Y-you alright Amor?” Lucanis’ voice came through the Grey Warden’s thoughts and with a few blinks he realized he had paused halfway back down the man’s cock. Big brown eyes looked at him with concern and the shorter man could see that the other was about to lift the elf off but he slid down the rest of the way, both men giving loud moans in response to the sudden pick-up in pace. But the thought was being empty after all that was much more devastating than Rook cared to deal with. The assassin looked taken aback, but pleasantly so as his lips opened to let another sound out, that’s when the Warden saw the shiny spit starting to fall from his mouth. He leaned in to lick it away, letting their tongues tangle for a brief moment before pulling away. “I’m amazing, how can I not be when I’m here with you,” They weren’t as sauve as the Crow’s words, pleasure always did seem to dull the elf’s tongue but his lover didn’t care as he brought his hands up to pull the shorter man down into a passionate kiss.

     Rook’s arms slid past the taller man’s neck as he leaned further into the kiss, the vibrations of their moans making his head rush with heat. Had the air in the room always been this warm or was it just the two of them? The elf could see his lover was shiny with sweat, his hair slicked down with it and the tips of his ears were a bright red along with his cheeks. Rook knew he couldn’t have looked any better. If he looked even half as overwhelmed as he felt, well, he was glad there was no mirror for him to see his state of being right now.

     When he pulled away from his lover, the Grey Warden placed one last kiss on the tip of his nose before finally starting to move on his cock again. Hands returned to his hips, this time helping the shorter man gain a soft, slow pace, a languid move of up till just the tip was left then a slow descent down till he was full to the brim again. This went on for a little while, the up and down, exchanges of loving kisses and nips as they returned back to the slow pace of their lovemaking. Then, on one of the ups, Rook purposely squeezed as he got to the tip of the man’s dick and the resounding moan he got told him all he needed to know but the twitch of Lucanis’ cock was helpful in itself. The man was close and that meant, he was also very close to his composure breaking.

     Rook felt a bit cruel when he pulled completely off his lover and the whine from the assassin was so pitiful, so sad but as he climbed off the man and saw those eyes look up at him he knew it was a good choice as very small tears forming at the very corners of his eyes, so it was only a matter of time. “Back on the bed Schatz,” The elf said in a quiet tone. There was a nod before the other began to push himself back till his head hit the pillows waiting for him and the Grey Warden followed suit, climbing onto the man as he hovered over his cock for a second, simply looking down at his beautiful lover’s overwhelmed state. Purple eyes appeared. “On,” Was all Spite said, brow furrowed as he looked between his aching cock and where Rook hovered over him. The shorter man snorted, perhaps Lucanis had been right about Spite needing to learn patience but that was a thought for another day. Instead, the elf leaned down and sealed their lips together before once again sinking on the man’s dick, a very pleased growl rumbling in between their intertwined lips once again. Rook would never tire of the feeling, especially how it always seemed to send sparks through his clit, which was throbbing rather angrily from its lack of attention but he ignored it, he had a mission after all.

     When the shorter man pulled back, those brown eyes were back and they were bigger than ever, slightly more tears gathered. It seemed the Grey Warden would have to work harder to push his lover over, not that it was an issue, Rook rather prided himself as an expert on the man’s body and knew just how to get what he wanted. So, with their eyes looking deep within each other’s the elf started to move again, this time picking up the pace ever so slightly, letting it go to a smooth transition of up and down instead of pausing at any point. More strangled breaths came from the Crow and he had attempted to bite down on his lip, probably to hide his whines but Rook used his thumb to swipe against the man’s bottom lip. “I want to hear your noises,” He whispered, making sure to lean in close so Lucanis could feel the words against his skin, to feel the impact of his Warden’s plea. Immediately the man’s mouth opened, moans and groans filling the room once again much to the elf’s delight. The shorter continued his pace, adding the occasional squeeze to hear his lover’s breath hitch in his throat, to watch his eyelids flutter and see more tears gather. Then, Lucanis spoke.

     “Amor, I-” Oh yes. Rook knew that tone, the breathy sigh that cut himself off, and the look in the assassin’s eyes. “Don’t hold yourself back Schatz,” The elf implored. “Let me see you, all of you,” As he spoke, the Grey Warden sunk down and squeezed tight, and that was all Lucanis needed.

     Instantaneously, the tears that had been gathering in the man’s eyes flooded down and hiccuping breaths filled the room as Lucanis just sobbed with emotion. Cries interminably interrupted by gasps as Rook began to ride faster, still at a medium pace to not overwhelm his lover too much but enough to keep the tears of the man flowing. The first time the two slept together, this hadn’t happened. It was still wonderful of course, a memory the elf cherished close to his heart but when they had saved the world and finally got a moment alone, this had happened. It was much faster the first time they’d experienced it, one moment the Crow had been fine and then the next he was sobbing as he had come down the Warden’s throat. Lucanis hadn’t even a moment to register what had happened by the time the elf got to him, in a panic to make sure he was ok but the taller man assured him he was fine. Both had chalked it up to being an outburst of all the pent-up emotion, especially after defeating the gods. So when it happened again when the assassin had slipped inside the Grey Warden’s cunt, they concluded that maybe it was just something Lucanis does.

     And boy were they right, every time since, a little before the man would orgasm, the Crow would break down into a mess of sobs and babbles of his love for Rook. It was incredible to watch the man he loved so much, the stoic semi-stiff with emotions First Talon dissolved into a mess of tears and barely lung-filling gasps. It was also hot, of course, knowing that just his mere being alive was what would get his lover to that state, it was a bit of a power trip. Now was no different, Rook watched with slightly masochistic glee as Lucanis’ tears streamed down his face, big eyes staring up at him with some much love and devotion. How lucky of a man the Grey Warden was, to have this, to be like this with such an amazing man. He voiced as much. The gasp he got in response made his evil grin deepen, now came the next best part.

     “Lady luck has nothing but grace for me if I can have you, like this to myself,” His words were shakey, interrupted by the occasional gasp of air as Rook continued to ride his dick but the Crow was determined to say his piece. “For I know nothing can compare to you Amor, I used to think a demon like me deserved nothing but now that I have you, I know that is not true. I must be one good man for someone like you to have looked at me and chosen me,” The elf nodded in agreement, keeping his noises quieter so he could hear the declarations of his lover who so graciously spoke his words. “There is no one like you, I am indeed a lucky man to have you in my arms, on my cock, in my life, making every day I have with you full of color, of light,” Rook would have laughed were he not in the middle of moaning, feeling as his lover’s hips finally jerked up, the self-restraint finally washing away to give away to something harder. “No one else will ever have you like this, what a lucky man am I to be gifted with such a prize,” Another jerk of Lucanis’ hips came as the Grey Warden let out a swear as it hit the spot where stars flickering in his vision, making his clit give a hot, red anger throb which caused him to choke on a gasp. Even in this state, the Crow was ever vigilante of his lover’s pleasure and so, through the tears he managed to get his hand to reach down and press to Rook’s clit. The slick between the two of them was everywhere as the assassin's fingers were slippery when he touched the man which made him cry out, back arching and hips jerking for more. He heard a dreamy sigh come from the man under him. “I will never tire of this, of you, of us. I will spend my life showing you how much I love you, how much I adore you and I will make sure the world hears of our love,” Hiccuping breaths made the words somewhat hard to hear along with the blood rushing from the elf’s head down to where the other man was rather ruthlessly touching. Rook tried to say something in return but all that escaped him was a gambled mess and with one more expert slide of the fingers on him, the elf calmped down on Lucanis’ cock as he came. He hadn’t even realized he was so close.

     Either from watching his lover cum or the sudden squeeze around his cock, the assassin followed his Warden over the edge letting out a significantly louder cry than his other noises had been as his back bowed. The two stayed in their taunt positions for a long couple of moments, breaths coming rapidly from both men, and muscles tensed and tightened. The elf felt the warm slosh of cum trickle out of his cunt when the other man shifted his hips slightly, causing both of them to moan at the overstimulating sensation. Lucanis was still hard, he usually was after only a round but he always gave Rook time to come down, to avoid the nerve zaps the shorter man usually got after cumming. Finally, the elf took in a deep breath before he collapse down onto his lover, the man’s dick still buried and more cum trickling out with how he had moved but he buried his face into the crook of his lover’s neck, taking in the smell of his sweat and now distant cologne. And of course, that underlying smell of coffee.

     As the Grey Warden began to come down from his high, he couldn’t help but let his mind wander to the words his lover had spilled as they reached their peaks. “I will spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you,” felt like a quote in one of the romance books Rook secretly read, the kind of words before an important, 4-word question was asked. He couldn’t help the giggle at the thought of it. How funny. There’s no way that’s what Lucanis had meant but…

     “What is it, Amor?” The very man asked, a smile in his voice as a hand came up to thread his fingers through the elf’s hair. Rook leaned into the touch, humming dreamily at his lover’s soft touch, his eyes fluttered close as he buried his face deeper into the taller man’s neck but still he answered. “Just thinking about what you said,” He said, words somewhat muffled against the skin of his lover. “Ah, I hope nothing… offended,” The Crow sounded embarrassed, he always said he never had control over his babbling while in that state, just saying whatever words he was feeling deep in his heart. How he didn’t know what that did to Rook was beyond the elf, to drive your lover to the point where they would just babble about how much they loved you while crying? The best feeling, if the Grey Warden was to be asked about it. “Never,” He reassured his lover, placing a kiss on the skin he was pressed against. “Flattered if anything, it sounded like a proposal honestly,”

     Almost immediately, both men tensed at Rook’s words as they were taken aback by what he said. Even the elf himself hadn’t been expecting to say those words. Anxiety immediately riddled the shorter man, how could he have said that stuff so… so casually?! That was supposed to remain a thought in his head, he wasn’t the one who babbled whatever was on his mind. The Grey Warden felt awkward as his lover was still stiff next to him, the hand in his hair nearly a tight grip. He wanted to pull away, to laugh and call it all a joke but if anything that felt worse, to dismiss it as nothing but sex talk would be a disservice and insult to his lover. Instead, he took in a shaky breath and spoke up. “Lucanis?” He asked, still too afraid to move from where he was buried safely. There were a few moments before the man responded, each passing second causing more and more tension to build in the shorter man.

“Do you mean it?”

That… hadn’t been what Rook had been expecting.

     He finally decided to lift himself, to look down at his lover and was meant with those damn big brown eyes but the elf could swear there was a… sparkle in them.

     “Lucanis…” Rook found himself breathless, speechless at the intensity of their eyes there. The other man sat up, wrapping his hands around the Warden’s waist, and very slowly began to move his hips up his cock, then down when he got halfway. A strangled gasp forced its way from the shorter man. “If it was a proposal,” Already, tears were starting to form in the corners of the assassin’s eyes. “What would you say?” The question was borderline desperate and the Grey Warden found his thoughts messy as at the same time, Lucanis began to thrust up into his cunt and a hand wandered down to the man’s clit, rubbing soft circles to the tip causing sparks to go through the him. It took him a few tries to speak again.

“Do you want it to be?”

     Immediately, the First Talon gave a desperate nod, eyes big as he watched his lover as if he would disappear at any moment. Rook opened his mouth to respond but right at that moment, the other man pressed down onto his still-sensitive clit making him arch his body with a ‘Ah!’. The motion made the man’s cock hit right at the perfect spot and Lucanis definitely caught on and he began to abuse that spot with talented calloused fingers. How was the elf supposed to answer his question when the Crow was so insistent on giving mind-blowing pleasure?

     Luckily, Rook was a stubborn man, one who never backed down from a challenge. So he ground back down on the man’s cock, basking in the strangled moan his lover gave. More tears gathered in his eyes, and the way the drool fell from his mouth, he was close to breaking again. The Grey Warden leaned down, pressing their foreheads together as he started to move his hips to the rhythm the Crow had set. “Ask me again, ask me properly,” He hadn’t wanted to sound so desperate, so close to begging but honestly, Lucanis was the one person he was fine seeing in this state, to be seen as this vulnerable. Not that the other man was any better, tears had now started flowing down his cheeks again and it was obvious he was trying hard to stop himself from just babbling again, brow furrowed in thought as he continued to move the elf on his cock and probably trying to collect the words he wanted.

     “Caspian Rook Thorne,” The Warden was surprised to hear his name, causing his walls to flutter around the man’s dick which made him groan but still, he kept moving. “Leader of the Veilgaurd, savior of the world, friend to Wardens, Watchers, Veil Jumpers, Lords, Shadows, and Crows,” Their moves slowed to an agonizingly slow pace but it was because Lucanis wanted their eyes to steady as they stared at each Rook realized. Both stared up blinking at each other. A smile formed on the First Talon’s face, one full of love and admiration. It was so soft, so full of emotion that it made the elf dizzy.

“Will you marry me?”

     It was Rook’s turn for tears to fall, he hadn’t even realized he had been so close to crying until he already was. What did he care though? His lover just proposed to him, of course, he was going to cry. “Yes,” He whispered, “Of course, I’ll marry you Lucanis,”

     A whirlwind of things happened next, the Crow finally let himself break out into a series of babbles. This time, it was thank you’s over and over and over again as he picked up the pace of his hips and fingers. The Grey Warden let out a cry as pleasure began to build in his stomach once more, being pulled taunt behind his belly button, an intense build of up, up, up. His lover, his fiance, only encouraged him with words and pressure against his clit. “Come for me Amor, please Caspian, let me feel you come on my cock and know that you will be mine forever,” Rook nodded, trying his best to voice how yes, the elf will be Lucanis’ for the rest of entirety but pleasure made his tongue dead weight in his mouth so he could only let out unintelligible cries. The taller man’s cock felt amazing, the picked-up pace going in and out, the smooth glide against the walls of his fluttering cunt, and the force behind every thrust made him feel earth-shattering pleasure. Before he could warn his lover, Rook’s body tensed and he came with a very loud cry, his entire body going taunt as this orgasm just took everything. He was vaguely aware of the rush of wetness forming in between his legs but he had no time for the usual embarrassment that happened when his body gushed like that, the elf just got engaged.

     Engaged not only to the First Talon of the Crow’s, not only to one of the members of the Veilguard who saved the world but to Lucanis Dellamorte.

     The elf felt another gush of warmth in his body, realizing it was the other man cumming in his cunt with a cry of his own, tears going down his face that Rook leaned down to kiss away. Beyond a few twitches of their hips, the two had stopped moving and just sat, Lucanis soften cock keeping his cum deep in the elf, though he would have to pull out at some point, Rook hoped it wouldn’t be anytime soon. The two sat in silence for a while, tears continued to slowly go down the Crow’s face so the Grey Warden would kiss and wipe them away, softly, lovingly. There was a blissful smile on the taller man’s face, almost like he was high. It was adorable.

     Eventually, the Warden decided it was time to get up as his thighs were beginning to go from a reasonable burn to an ache that would make it hard for him to walk for a few days if he wasn’t careful. As gently as he could, he let the other man’s softened cock slip from his cunt, both groaning from the loss. The hands still on his hips helped guide Rook down onto the bed, laying him on his back. Lucanis leaned over above him, giving a love-filled kiss before slipping away to the attached bath presumably to get some towels to wet and wipe the two down. The Crow was ever the gentleman to his partner in their aftercare. All the Grey Warden could do was lay back on the bed, simply basking in the aftermath as well as the knowledge that he was engaged. A day full of wonderful surprises it seemed.

     When the assassin returned, there was a damp towel in his hand as well as a small drawstring bag that he put on the nightstand. Rook gave a curious sound as he looked over at it but Lucanis simply kissed him whispering “Later,” against his lips which the elf nodded at. The First Talon began to wipe his lover down, following each swipe with the towel with light kisses. His Warden watched him through half-lidded eyes, taking in the sight of his and the other man’s love-bitten body the sweat that still shined on the Crow’s body, and how his hair was mused from when he was laying on the bed. Rook let out a soft giggle which caught the other man’s attention. He gave a questioning hum as he smiled up at his lover. The Grey Warden returned it. “My fiance is a beautiful man,” He answered the unasked question and smiled wide when the assassin gave a choked sound before his grin became wide on his face. “You’ve already fallen into using that so easily, I’m flattered,” Lucanis said, tossing aside the towel when he was satisfied he got most of the fluids that were left on his lover’s body. Rook was certain he left the cum in his cunt on purpose.

     The elf gave a devious smile as he leaned up, putting his hands around the Crow’s shoulders to pull him close. “Just wait till I get to say husband,” Rook teased, which got him a “Mierda,” and a nip to the lower lip before they began to kiss, slow and loving. The Warden went to pull the other down with him so they could lay together but the taller man stopped him for a moment, reaching over to the nightstand with the drawstring bag. The shorter man watched with curiosity as Lucanis undid its string. “I’m not sure if you remember, but when we met with Tiea and Viago after they discovered that Caterina was alive, it was because of-”

     “Your mother’s opal ring?” Rook interrupted, staring down at where the other man had pulled the ring from the bag somewhat surprised that the Crow had it. “Will you take it?” Lucanis asked quietly, holding it in his hand with worry that this was maybe Rook rejecting the offering. The elf stuttered for a second before managing to form his words. “Oh Lucanis, I can’t… That was your mother’s! And isn’t it Caterina’s?” He asked though he reached out to caress a finger down the beautiful old ring. The jewelry was worn but in a ‘seen a lot of life’ way, it was still absolutely stunning, the opal itself not faded whatsoever, seemed to still shine so beautifully bright. It truly was a gorgeous ring. “She gave it to me when I returned home to take over the First Talon duties, I didn’t understand why at first but…” Rook watched his lover's face morph from confused to a look of realization and the elf reached out to squeeze the man’s arm. “What’s wrong?” He asked, unsure of what conclusion was just made but ready to support whatever the Crow needed. He was surprised to see when Lucanis looked up at him there was a pink tint to his ears. “I think she gave this to me to propose with, and I… didn’t realize,” Lucanis said, an embarrassed tone to his voice that try as he might not, the shorter man had to giggle at as he reached his left hand out. “Well, in that case, I would be honored to accept it,” Rook said, getting a wide grin from his lover as he carefully and thoughtfully slid it onto the Warden’s finger. It fit surprisingly well, almost perfectly actually. The elf kept to himself that he was certain Caterina somehow got his ring size with whatever methods the former First Talon probably had hidden in her arsenal.

     “Now I understand why Illario was giving me all those strange looks,” Lucanis sighed, leaning forward to kiss his lover before wrapping his arms around the shorter man and spinning them so that they were lying down, Rook on his chest. The Grey Warden chuckled as he looked down at his ringer finger admiring the beautiful jewelry now adorning. “Antonie and Evka are gonna be happy for us,” He mused. Lucanis gave a low chuckle.

“Just wait till the rest of our friends hear,”

“Bellara and Neve are gonna have a field day with the news,��

“Davrin and Taash are probably going to try and give us “Fiance sex advice”,”

“Emmrich will probably offer us grave plots next to each other in the Necroplis,”

     Rook moved from looking at the ring to looking up at his lover. He wasn’t surprised to see purple eyes looking down at him, full of fondness. “Rook will be ours forever,” Spite’s words were smooth, for once, and the look in his eyes was so full of love it was easy to forget he was a demon. Not that it mattered to Rook. “Yes, Spite,” He leaned up, sealing their lips together with a kiss. “I’ll always be here with you,” When he reopened his eyes, it was the big brown ones staring at him, with the biggest grin on Lucanis’ face. “And me?” He asked playfully, a tease but still waiting for an answer. Rook chuckled, leaning up to place a kiss on the tip of his lover’s nose. “You can’t get rid of me, even if you tried,” He joked. “I would never,” Lucanis responded, brushing a bit of bang from the elf’s face. His hand wandered down, index finger tracing won’t the opal of the ring on his finger.

“I love you Caspian, I don’t think I can be away from you for such a long time again.”

“I love you too Lucanis. Wherever you go, I’ll be right beside you,”

After two and a half days, two nose bleeds and a snowed say, I have finally finished this fanfic lmao

I didn't have a beta reader so if some stuff is wrong (especially spelling of names and just words in general) I apologize and will work to fix it asap.

I'll also put the Ao3 link again here if you want to read it on there! Thank you so much for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day! -<3 Skunch

[ukulelevillainwrites]

who follows the rules anyway?

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9

complete

pairing : anthony lockwood x reader

word count : 10k

warnings : drinking, drunken state

taglist : @demigoddess-of-ghosts ; @oblivious-idiot ; @neewtmas ; @bobbys-not-that-small ; @bella-rose29 ; @maraschinomerry ; @novelizt ; @fudosl ; @archiveoftara ; @cassiopeiia24 (i think i didn't forget anyone but i could be wrong)

content : I couldn’t resist some callbacks to the attic scene before fittes’ party, George wears a bowtie for all the fans of ali in a bowtie out there know that it was my frame of reference, I tried to not make it look like a direct copy of the fittes party but there are a lot of similarities

note : life got so out of hand, I sincerely apologize that it took so long but to make up for it it’s quite long and I really really like this part it’s THE part I’ve fantasized about since I started writing and I really like how the main scenes came out

Also sorry I know it’s been a long time but pt8 picks up right after the last scene of pt7

She realized what she just said as she walked past him entering the kitchen. She turned around suddenly, bumping into him as he followed her inside.

“I’m so sorry Lockwood I’m being so rude.”

“Well, you’re not wrong but you could tell me this without stepping on my toes.”

She looked down and fair enough she was. She took a few steps back, apologizing again and she bumped into the cupboards behind her.

“Ow!”

“Am I gonna have to stitch you up again?” Lockwood asked, amused.

“I’m so sorry.” She said again sitting down in the chair closest to her.

“You keep saying that.”

“Well, I am. I’m sorry I talked to you that way in front of Lucy, and I’m sorry I talked to you like that in the hall, and I’m sorry I came into your life yelling at you and making you angry-”

“I’m not angry.” He interrupted. “Just… frustrated.” They stayed in silence for a while staring at each other.

“I can’t figure you out.” He admitted in a lower voice.

She could have told him the same thing.

“You hate me, then you warm up to me, then you give me the cold shoulder and hate me again… what am I supposed to think?”

“I don’t hate you. I just… I can’t figure you out either. I never know what you’re thinking.”

“Well, I hired you because I think you’re good, I hate fighting, I genuinely want to help you with this whole thing, and I think it’s pretty nice when we get along. Is that clear enough?”

Not quite, she thought. What were they supposed to be? Did he consider them actual friends now or were they far from it? Did he mean it when he said that he had always been honest with her? His charming act did look awfully familiar every time he used it with clients. She didn’t know what she was supposed to think. All the questions that clouded her mind when she thought about him came rushing in.

“We’re strictly colleagues then? Or am I allowed to say that we’re friends.” She managed.

“I think friends is more fitting. I mean what kind of employer would I be sleeping in the same couch as my underling?”

She blushed furiously at the memory of his arms around her.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Did I go too far that night? I never meant to-”

“Lockwood it’s alright. It was sweet really… I didn’t expect you to watch over me like that.”

They both looked anywhere else but each other, embarrassed at the thought of that night. She didn’t regret it, quite the contrary. She still thought about it fondly.

“It was nice… I felt safe.” She added in a tone barely above a whisper.

“I know you’d do the same for me…”

She looked up at him in surprise.

“Wouldn’t you?” he asked, his frown deepening as he looked into her eyes, almost begging.

“I… I just don’t see what I did to make you so sure of it. Was it the insults or the yelling?”

He laughed.

“You saved my life twice. I didn’t think I’d have to remind you that, I rather thought you’d gloat and annoy me with it every single day.”

“You’re right I should.”

They exchanged another look, warmer and more knowing.

She got up to prepare some tea. She made his cup the way he liked it and handed to him. He smiled at her with the familiarity she liked so much. She turned around before he could notice the blush on her cheeks. She then prepared two more cups, George’s with slightly more sugar than hers and placed them on an unused corner of the Thinking Cloth. She called on George and handed him his tea. When she looked up at Lockwood his smile wasn’t as wide. The three of them settled around the table.

“Alright, let’s plan a heist.”

--

“Why can’t we just push it back one week? It’d give us the extra time we need to prepare.”

“The event for the launch of their new rapier line will be more crowded and it lasts an entire day. Showing up there will never be enough to keep us out of suspicion. It has to be the fundraiser tomorrow.”

Lockwood hadn’t looked up from the plans of the building. They were trying to figure out the safest route for Lucy and Norrie to reach the documents they needed while staying as far from the party as possible and they were running out of time. Lockwood had had a hard time getting them in the fundraiser. For starter he had tried reaching out to different contacts to get in. The only result he got was a newfound rage against the Organization for not inviting them in the first place. She could have guessed a million things that could have motivated Lockwood to get them into this party at all costs. She didn’t think Bunchurch would be the one. Apparently the less than prestigious agency had some agents attending the event. In fact, all agencies had some representatives attending, or almost all of them. Something about showing the growing bonds between agencies and the Silverpoint Organization. Lockwood’s renewed determination led him to go all the way down to their headquarters to demand an invite using a mix of his usual charms and some threats of bad press. He had been convincing enough to get the three of them in. He had just put the envelopes down on the Thinking Cloth with a triumphant smile when someone knocked on the door. George led Lucy in the kitchen and they all smiled widely when she told them she and Norrie would join them. All the pieces were finally coming together. Then they studied the plans of the house and realized that it wasn’t as easy as it seemed.

First of all because it was a mansion and not a house. The surface was significantly larger and the number of rooms they had to cover seemed impossible to search in just a few hours. Second of all because it was a city mansion, just north of Hyde Park, with other buildings right next to it, no garden and the front door accessible from the street. No other point of entry and neighbours on both sides. It had been fairly easy to determine which rooms to search first, compared to figuring out how the girls were supposed to get inside and out while remaining unseen.

“Wait what’s this?” Norrie asked picking up some of the research y/n had done on the party. She had spent so much time looking at those papers she couldn’t bear to look at them again.

“It’s details about the party, the agencies and companies that will be represented, the staff I managed to get information about, that kind of thing.”

“Well, if we know which catering company they’ll be hiring why don’t we use that?”

“How?”

“I don’t know… Maybe get hired, be a waitress during the event and use that to slip out?”

They all stared at her, in disbelief that they didn’t make the connection sooner.

“That’s a good idea but I’m not sure we’ll have enough time to get hired.” Lucy raised a good point.

“They’re always looking for extra people at the last minute for this kind of event. They get to hire desperate people who need a job so they can pay them less. It could be worth a try.”

“Norrie, that’s brilliant.” Lockwood exclaimed, his enthusiasm renewed. “Okay, you and Lucy will get in by waitressing at the event.” He got up and started pacing around the room. “You discreetly slip out and search the rooms in that order. I’ll need you to find a folder to put the documents in. Next, one of you go up on the second floor in that room.” He pointed at what seemed to be a bedroom drawn on the top left corner of the map. “You’ll let the folder fall from that window into the alley next to the mansion. When it’s done, give us a discreet sign. One of us will fake going out to take some fresh air and retrieve the documents.”

Relief filled the room as Lockwood finished explaining the last details of his plan. He was so sure of himself, so confident and convinced that they would succeed that it was hard to be pessimistic. He made it sound so easy.

“Lucy, Norrie, you should go and see if you can get hired today. George, now that we have a plan, I’m ordering you to find something decent to wear to the event.”

George sighed, clearly not happy about having to leave his research and take on an activity he had no interest in.

“Do you have something to wear, y/n?”

“I’ll probably figure something out.” She answered, rubbing her eyes. The long days of research, planning and cases had drained all energy from her, and like George she wasn’t too eager to spend time on her feet looking for something to wear at a party she wasn’t going to have fun at. Her bed sounded more appealing than anything else.

“Am I going to have to lead you both out with the point of my rapier in your back to get you moving?”

“Are you threatening us so we go shopping?”

“Well, locking you out of the house isn’t an option because of a certain someone,” Lockwood said as his stare lingered on her a few seconds more than she thought necessary, “so I have to resort to extreme measures.” He concluded with a wink.

They looked at him in disbelief. Since when did he care so much about what they were wearing?

“We need to be camera ready, this could be Lockwood and Co.’s first very public night we need to look our best!”

She was so exhausted she hadn’t realized they now had to endure fame-struck Lockwood craving the attention of the public. He was not going to let this go. She reluctantly stood up, mouthing “fine” at him with a thin smile. She dragged George out of the kitchen before he could protest and start an argument he would lose anyway. When public image was at stake, Lockwood always had the last word.

They got home three hours later, arms tired from carrying heavy bags. George’s suit weighed a ton, so did her shoes. She thought then that the platforms might have been overkill. Especially since she still didn’t know what she was going to wear. Finding something appropriate had taken longer than expected. Not for George, who bought the first cheapest suit he could find to get this over with. He complained louder each time she tried on a dress she didn’t buy. She was as frustrated as he was, really. The weather was getting colder and for some reason all she could find were backless or sleeveless dresses in which she was already too cold just by trying them on. Between George’s complaints and her feet growing tired y/n thought about giving up more than once. They started to walk back, discussing the plan for their very busy evening the following night when George interrupted himself.

“Look!”

“What? What is it?”

“In the window across the street. That could fit you for tomorrow night, right?”

She looked across to see a long-sleeved black jumpsuit on the mannequin in the shop in front of them. It was simple but very elegant, with a square neckline, a tight body giving the illusion of a corset, and wider pants long enough to touch the floor. The platforms would come in handy here. Since it was George’s idea, she told him he wasn’t allowed to complain if it didn’t fit. She went inside and came back out fifteen minutes later with another heavy bag to carry home.

---

She couldn’t help the tremor in her hand while she applied mascara on her eyelashes. As the hours went on, y/n could feel the knot in her stomach tighten. The idea of spending the night at such a sophisticated event made her nervous. She was incredibly intimidated, especially considering the type of crowd she would have to face. Being surrounded by rich and elegant people was not something she was used to, and tonight she would have to talk to them to make sure they saw her there. It added a stinging salt to her already oozing wound. She fixed her hair for the tenth time in the past fifteen minutes, checking her reflection under every angle. She jumped and dropped her hairbrush when someone knocked on the door to the attic.

“y/n, are you alright?”

She recognized Lockwood’s voice and told him to come in. She bent down to retrieve her hairbrush and when she looked back up she saw him standing next to the mirror, wide-eyed and silent.

“Do I look this bad?”

“You… No! No, no on the contrary you look…” He blushed as he looked into her eyes.

“You look great.” He said shyly.

She didn’t think she had ever seen him so flustered. Had she not been so nervous, she might have read into his reaction. But her nerves were so unsettled that she simply smiled back at him before putting on her lipstick. She had picked a dark red to complete her elegant look for the night. She focused on the reflection of her lips. When she looked back up Lockwood was gone. She wondered if she had imagined his eyes following her every movement in the mirror. He was acting strange, but it was a very stressful night. She couldn’t even stop her hands from shaking. It was surprising coming from him, but they had never been in that situation before. Confused, she went to sit on her bed to put on her shoes. Another knock on the door interrupted her thoughts.

“Yes?”

Lockwood was back, the same bewildered expression on his face.

“I’ve never seen you with lipstick.”

“Well, it’s not really my priority when going out to fight visitors all night.” She joked.

He kept staring insistently at her.

“What is it? Did I get some on my teeth?” She stood back up to look in the mirror again. Everything had to be perfect. She inspected every inch of her face, every tooth, every hair. Movement behind her made her look up to see Lockwood stepping closer in the reflection, reaching for something in his pocket.

“Here, I thought it would make you look even more elegant than you already are.”

He took out a red velvet pouch and revealed a pearl necklace.

“Lockwood… that’s… very thoughtful. Thank you.” She hoped the warm lights of her bedroom were enough to hide the red that had spread across her cheeks. He detached the clasp and went to stand behind her. She looked back into the mirror as he placed the necklace around her neck. She pushed her hair away, her hand softly brushing against his for a second. His gaze remained fixed on her reflection, the dark brown of his irises looking even warmer in the soft dim light. He looked back at her neck.

“They belonged to my mother.” He said as he fastened the clasp.

She looked at him in the mirror with surprise. He was smiling. A soft, delicate smile. He had rendered her speechless. For the briefest moment, the party didn’t matter, the past few months and everything that had led her there tonight weren’t as important. She was here, now, with him and everything was okay.

She blinked and turned around.

“Lockwood I can’t-”

“It’s nothing, really. Plus, you’ll fit right in tonight looking like this.” He winked, his smile back to its usual wolfish grin. “I’ll go get us a cab, George should be about ready too.”

Before she could protest, he was down the stairs, asking George if was ready, leaving her standing there, a hand resting on the necklace. She looked back at her reflection. The pearls did make her look rich and sophisticated, she admitted to herself. Lockwood had never talked to her about his family. She was incredibly flattered by this gift, and most importantly by the fact that he had opened up, even just a little. The softness of his eyes kept flashing back in her mind. She breathed in deeply, more assured than she was. He had quite an effect on her, she thought. The brush of his skin on hers, his soft breathing in her neck… If only he had stood closer, even just for an instant. She stopped her mind from going any further. The butterflies in her stomach were back and her heart was ready to jump out of her chest, but it’d have to wait. They had a party to attend and some documents to steal.

She came down the stairs to join Lockwood and George, ready to leave. George was adjusting his bowtie in the mirror in the living room. She was surprised to see him look quite dashing.

“George, promise me you’ll make an effort to socialize and be as visible as you can tonight.”

“Easy for you to say, it’ll be second nature for you to be at the center of attention!”

Lockwood laughed as he headed for the door and stopped in his tracks when she entered the room.

“Especially if I have the most gorgeous girl at the party on my arm.” He said after a pause.

She blushed furiously at the remark. He had never complimented her so much, or been so kind to her before. She tried to keep a stiff upper lip, but really she was close to falling on her knees. It was like he loved tormenting her.

They stayed staring at each other in silence, their smiles getting wider every second.

“I think I liked it better when you were fighting.” Said George in an exasperated tone.

Lockwood ignored him as he crossed the room to offer her his arm.

“Shall we?”

---

The ride over to the fundraiser was a silent one, though the three of them were agitated. George kept adjusting his bowtie and cleaning his glasses, y/n checked her lipstick in her pocket mirror every five minutes. Lockwood kept fidgeting, but it wasn’t really unusual for him. While they kept glancing anxiously at the road, he alternatively looked through each window like a toddler wondering if they were there yet. y/n did not share his excitement. She gripped the pearls around her neck and took a deep breath. Lockwood nudged his knee against hers to get her attention.

“It’s gonna go just fine.” He said in a low voice.

She smiled but it was rigid, almost fake. Panic was slowly strengthening its grip on her. What was she supposed to talk about with these people all night? She didn’t have Lockwood’s natural talent and ease when it came to socializing. She was terrified of saying something wrong and making a fool of herself. He rested a hand on her knee, bringing her out of her overwhelming thoughts.

“You’ll be great.”

She reached for his hand as she whispered a low ‘thank you’.

Despite his best efforts to reassure her, the crowd on the sidewalk and the animation coming from the mansion brought back her insecurities. Everyone looked so elegant and influential that she instantly felt out of place.

The look on George’s face reassured her a little bit. She wasn’t the only one desperate to go home. They got out of the cab and mingled in the crowd waiting to check their coats. y/n took a first look at the faces she would have to talk to during the night, trying to recognize anyone that would be easier to talk to. None of them looked like she could have seen them around at Fittes, or clients she could have worked with. She did notice the catering van parked in front of an alleyway next to the house, the waiters and waitresses all gathered next to it. She saw Lucy and Norrie with them, acting professional. Before she could try to get their attention and ask them if they were okay, Lockwood grabbed her arm and led her inside.

The elegance of the hall did not prepare her for the spectacular room in which the event took place. An imposing marble staircase was lit with candles, so many she couldn’t count them all, yet it was only half as much as the ones lighting up the crystal chandelier illuminating the room and taking up half the ceiling. If the Silverpoint Organization was a non-profit, they showed none of it during their receptions. The room was full of eloquent people, as she expected, most of them middle aged. Most men wore a lavender pin on their lapel, but some of them had a silver brooch in the shape of a harp instead. Women wore them too. She didn’t know what it stood for and felt foolish, dreading the interactions to come even more now. Every now and then she saw agents in the crowd. Fittes, Rotwell, Tendy’s, Bunchurch too. Unsure what to do, George and y/n looked expectantly at Lockwood.

“Why don’t you two mingle, I’ll go get us some drinks.” He said cheerfully before leaving them to fend for themselves.

They didn’t have time to protest, he was already lost in the crowd. George turned to her, suggesting that they should make a break for it while they still could. As much as she wished they could leave, she couldn’t bail on their plan now.

“I’ll make hot cocoa with extra whipped cream and those mini marshmallows you love so much!” He insisted with a pleading look.

“As much as I want to, we can’t.”

Before he could add anything that was likely to change her mind, the ringing of glasses rose through the air and soon the room fell silent. At the top of the grand staircase stood a man, stoic while he waited for the last conversations to die out.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.” y/n was taken aback by the authority in his voice. She mustn’t have been the only one. The first few guests at the end of the staircase had stood straighter at the words.

“I am Theodor Mullet, chairman of Mullet and Sons and your host for the night,” he continued, “I hope you are all enjoying your evening so far. The music will continue in a moment but first I wanted to thank you all for attending and for your generous donations. As you know, the Silverpoint Organization has been helping our brave agents in the small way it can for over 20 years now.” He went on to describe the actions the Organization had taken over the years, reassuring the attendees that their money would be put to good use. Even though she knew for a fact that the donations in question would be spent on the black market, a part of her couldn’t help but believe he was telling the truth. The way he stood, tall and broad with his dark hair greying on the temples and his black glasses framing his gaze made him look straightforward. He didn’t have the appearance of a lying politician like she expected, instead he looked very matter-of-fact, what you would expect of a businessman at the head of one of the largest companies in the country. As she analyzed his every feature, she noticed that he too wore a silver brooch in the shape of a harp on the lapel of his vest. She wondered what kind of association he shared with the guests she had seen with the same accessory in the crowd.

“It was all the more important to me that all agencies attend this event, as both the Silverpoint Organization and Mullet&Sons want to further our relationship with them and support them all in keeping the nation safe. The courage of those young people is truly worth all our admiration, which is why I invite you all to raise a glass to the bravery of the agents present here with us tonight. May all agencies, big or small, defeat the Problem.” He raised his glass to the audience, and all guests followed suit. Many people were now staring at her and George with a mix of respect and pity.

“I could really use a drink… Where is Lockwood?” She said, turning towards George to avoid looking at the rest of the crowd.

“I don’t know… I think I’ll go try the buffet.”

y/n was too nervous to eat anything, especially with all this unwanted attention directed towards her. It didn’t seem to matter to George who was already gone before she could tell him that. She went her separate way to look for Lockwood in the crowd. It wouldn’t have surprised her if she found him charming some prestigious guests with dazzling stories about one of their cases. He was made for this after all and he had a knack for embellishing random anecdotes, turning them into thrilling quests. She tried to break through the crowd as respectfully as she could, overhearing small talk about what a fantastic man Theodor Mullet was or vivid debates about what the Organization’s next actions should be. She grew desperate the longer she looked. Without Lockwood, she didn’t think she could manage talking about those topics for an entire evening.

Relief flooded her when she spotted him next to the bar, glasses in hand. She got closer and stopped a few feet away, frozen. Her already dreadful evening turned even worse. She watched as El gently but confidently stroked his arm, throwing their head back in an exaggerated laughter that rose above the commotion. They did always have a flare for the dramatic. Lockwood smiled politely, but she couldn’t tell if he was genuinely enjoying talking to them. She dismissed the idea immediately. El was too proud, too flashy and overall, too much and Lockwood couldn’t enjoy the company of someone like this. Or could he? He looked around the room but didn’t notice the small sign she gave him, discreetly asking if he needed help. Before she could try something else, he was drawn back into the conversation, El clinging to his arm more every passing second. The knot in her stomach tightened.

She looked over at the buffet where George was having a better time than she was, enjoying the canapes that Lucy and Norrie or some of their colleagues for the night had brought out. She tried to spot the girls to make sure everything was fine but she couldn’t find them among the waiters. When she looked back over at Lockwood, El had placed a hand on his chest, now stroking his tie. She reached them in two strides, not minding the people previously in her way.

“There you are!” She pressed a kiss on his cheek. “I’ve been looking all over for you! Thank you for getting me a drink!” She said as she reached for the second glass he had in hand, interlocking her arm with his.

She looked up to see the confused look on his face. She ignored it and stared at El with feigned surprise.

“Oh… long time no see.”

El was staring back with barely hidden disgust.

“So you two are-”

“I heard you didn’t make it into Kipps’ team…” She didn’t let them finish. “That’s too bad.”

Their eyes darkened at that mention.

“I’ve moved on to better things.”

y/n huffed as she rolled her eyes.

“I’ve been working closely with Mrs. Dufour actually.” They said with a proud smirk. “It pays really well. And I get to meet a lot of influential people… Very influential. If I were you, I’d watch my back.”

She was barely surprised at that revelation.

“I see your loyalty hasn’t changed. At least it looks like your nose just about recovered, that’s a relief.” She forced a smile. Lockwood was staring at her with confusion, not saying a word.

She started to turn away, dragging Lockwood by the hand with her, when they forcefully grabbed her arm.

“I’m sorry your late-night encounter with Rasler didn’t manage to drive you out of town. Maybe next time I’ll finish the job myself.”

Lockwood untangled his arm and came to stand between them. His features were sharper than usual, his jaw clenched in anger. Even when they had particularly bad fights, he never looked so stern.

“Oh you have your prince charming coming to your rescue now! How adorable.”

They both were about to protest when El continued.

“Please don’t make a scene, this a class A event after all.” They looked back at her. “Not that you should get used to that, y/n.”

El then turned away and headed for the bar.

“Are you okay?” Lockwood asked her, worried.

“I should be the one to ask you that. How long were you stuck talking to them?”

He instinctively offered her his arm as they walked away from the scene.

“They ambushed me right after the speech. You have some very questionable acquaintances.”

“Well, I did punch them in the face, it made the inconvenience more palatable.”

She was about to take a sip of her champagne when Lockwood stopped abruptly, making her almost spill her drink. He looked at his reflection in one of the mirrors adorning the room before turning towards her.

“y/n, have I been walking around with your lipstick on my cheek for the past ten minutes?”

She laughed, louder than she had meant, only now paying attention to the very defined dark red shape of her lips on his pale skin.

“That’s not funny I look ridiculous!”

“It’s a little bit funny.” She said gasping for air. “Admit it!”

He smiled, but the blush on his cheeks betrayed his embarrassment.

“It’ll come off easily I swear!” She said, dragging him out of the ballroom to look for a bathroom.

He kept his hand on his cheek, trying to hide the source of his shame. y/n had stopped laughing, the realization of what she had done only hitting her now. It was her turn to blush. She wasn’t thinking, she acted on instinct. But why did her instinct have to make her do this in particular?

They reached a corridor lit with golden sconces on the wall. The light was softer here, giving the space a more intimate atmosphere.

“Was the kiss really necessary?” Lockwood asked in a lower voice now that they were further from the crowd.

She forced her embarrassment down and used all the courage she could muster to look in his eyes. His smirk betrayed the seriousness of his tone. He was messing with her.

“Next time I’ll let you fend for yourself.” She answered.

“Do you have many more nemeses I should be on the lookout for?”

“No, I don’t. Unless Dufour decides to go for someone half her age.” She joked.

“I should be safe from this kind of situation then.”

She looked through every door, looking for any room that would have a sink or a vanity, anything to help save his case.

“I wouldn’t be too sure of that if I were you.” She said absentmindedly, opening yet another door. “You’re young, attractive, you own your company… How come in a place as big as this one none of these doors are bathrooms?”

“You think I’m-”

“Ah! There we are, finally!” She led him into the powder room. She looked for a tissue or anything that would help him get the lipstick stain off. The room matched the elegance of the mansion, fancy soaps and cloth towels displayed next to the sink for the comfort of the guests. She ran a hand towel under the faucet, added some soap and handed it to Lockwood. He stared at her for a few seconds, before reaching for it. He rubbed the cloth on his face, staining it red. Somehow, he made the mark bigger, spreading it across his whole cheek. She laughed as he helplessly looked up at her in the mirror.

“This is all your fault, need I remind you.”

He tried to look upset, but soon he laughed with her at the scene, mocking his own reflection.

“I look like a clown.”

She took the cloth out of his hand and told him to crouch a little so she could take care of it. He leaned slightly against the sink, enough to meet her at eye level. She gently lifted and turned his chin to clean the rest of her lipstick off. He looked at her softly while she worked. She tried to ignore him or the way the soft bathroom light made his eyes sparkle. His eyelashes looked longer somehow. Maybe it was because she was seeing them from so close.

“There.” She said softly. “It’s gone.”

She looked back into his eyes. He was already staring. He smiled softly but didn’t say anything.

“You could thank me, you know?”

“For cleaning up your mess? Do you want a medal too?” He smiled wider. She laughed.

“You jerk!” She threw the towel at him, without doing much damage as it was thrown from so close. “I could also make it worse.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” He said defiantly.

She held his stare, becoming increasingly aware of their proximity. Heat creeped up her cheeks, but she didn’t want to move. Instead, she leaned into it, inching ever so slightly closer to him. She rested her hand on the edge of the sink, her fingers meeting the warmth of the back of his hand instead. He opened his palm and wrapped his fingers around hers. He subtly parted his lips, making her look at them then back into his eyes. He did the same. His other hand came to rest on her waist. His touch was delicate and soft, yet it was enough to send shivers down her back. It reached the small of her back, bringing her slowly closer to him, his eyes still focused on hers.

The door suddenly opened, making them both jump up in surprise.

“This isn’t the bathroom!” He man said loudly in the hallway before shutting the door.

She instinctively checked her hair in the mirror. Lockwood stood straighter, clearing his throat. She looked back at him with a thin smile, hoping the dim light hid her crimson cheeks.

“Thank you… for your help.”

“Oh you’re welcome!” She stammered. “You’re very welcome.”

They stood awkwardly, not sure what to do next.

“y/n… Do you…”

“I- uh we should go.”

She exited the room, flushed and a little disoriented. Lockwood called after her, asking her to wait. She wanted to turn back, desperately so, but a voice inside her head kept her from it. They were colleagues, she reminded herself. The voice of reason that had snuck into her head the morning after they fell asleep on the couch came screaming back, listing everything that was questionable about her behaviour. She never would have dared anything like this when she was at Fittes’. Lockwood’s recklessness was rubbing off on her and her conscience wasn’t having any of it. Her crush was inappropriate and now was certainly not the time to get lost in it. She headed back towards the ballroom to make sure enough guests witnessed her presence, but Lockwood caught up with her, reaching for her hand.

“y/n wait, please. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have…”

She looked back at him, her face still flushed from the moment they had shared.

“No, it’s me. I let my feelings get the best of me. We should really head back before someone notices we’re missing.” She said as she tried to regain composure.

“Your… feelings?” He asked, intrigued. He tried to act casual, but a grin had already formed at the corner of his mouth.

She didn’t think it was possible to be more embarrassed but here she was. She looked at him with wide eyes, realizing what had slipped out of her mouth and hurried back to the reception, hoping that the night wouldn’t get any worse. She heard Lockwood run after her and she instinctively hid among the guests in response. She grabbed a glass of champagne being served by one of the waiters and swallowed it down in full gulps. If anything else didn’t go as expected, at least she would find it funny. She spotted George still standing next to the buffet. He was joined by Lockwood a few minutes later, who still scanned the crowd, she guessed he was looking for her. She turned her back to him to avoid his eyes and knocked into someone. She apologized profusely, silently cursing this night and everything that had led her there in the first place.

“y/n? What are you doing here?”

She looked up to see her old team leader standing there, glass of champagne in hand, wearing a tuxedo that somehow made him look even more intimidating than his grey uniform.

“Kipps! Hi!” She answered.

“I didn’t expect to see you here tonight!”

“Me neither if I’m honest. You’re here to represent Fittes I’m guessing?”

“Officially yes.” He said, but his voice had an edge.

“Officially?”

“I’m actually glad to see you again. I could use your insight on something.” He added in a growingly ominous tone.

“Kipps, what’s going on?” She asked impatiently.

“Yeah Kipps, what’s going on?” said a voice behind her. She didn’t need to turn around to know that Lockwood was looking down at him with the smug look he always had when he fed into that ridiculous rivalry of theirs.

“Not now Tony, I need y/n’s advice on something.”

“Oh really? And what would that be, Kipps? Put your team members in unfathomable danger again? How many children have you traumatized this time?”

“Lockwood, please. This is important.” She had no idea what Kipps wanted her advice on, but she wasn’t ready to face Lockwood yet. She wouldn’t be for a while. She looked up at him to silently tell him to go. He looked back at her and his smile vanished. She didn’t think this would hurt him, but however ridiculous his fight with Kipps was, his pride was taking a hit having to walk away. It didn’t help that Kipps added insult to injury with snobbish remarks, not caring how childish it made him look.

She started to walk towards an empty corner of the room, grabbing another glass on her way. Kipps followed closely.

“What is this all about Kipps?”

“I’m not just here to represent Fittes.” He paused significantly, as if he enjoyed building some kind of suspense around his intentions. “I’m trying to collect more information on Dufour.”

She stayed quiet for a minute as she tried to process what all it implied. On the one hand, they had a potential new ally in this mess. On the other hand, Kipps could make their whole plan fail and this would not end well. She took another sip to calm her nerves and frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“y/n, you never needed to tell me what happened for me to understand that she fired you because you got in the way.”

A new wave of panic washed over her. She hadn’t told him the whole story, she reminded herself. And she hadn’t seen him since that awful article had been published to humiliate her. There was no way he could have come to the same conclusions.

“I mean, you noticed a lot earlier than me how strange she was acting. After that article came out, I kept an eye on her when I could. There was more and more chatter among supervisors about her. Many clients had started complaining and it was reaching higher level executives. It was pretty obvious where all of this was heading.” He said in a sly tone. She finished her glass. Maybe he had.  

“She’s getting fired and tries to find a job with the Organization!” He concluded, congratulating his deduction skills. At least he wasn’t onto them. She was about to ask what kind of advice he expected her to give him when he started monologuing again. He visibly hadn’t told anyone about this and was getting too enthusiastic finally sharing his theories.

“I’ve already talked to a few guests about this, subtly mind you. I try to stay discreet on this whole thing. I managed to talk to one of the members of the Organization and left him with plenty to think about.” He said with a grin.

“What do you… I mean, what kind of advice are you looking for exactly?”

“Well let’s just say that the few anecdotes I shared tonight might jeopardize some of Dufour’s opportunities.” He winked at her. “I didn’t really need your advice, I just wanted to tell you that what she did is unforgivable, and she had no right to take you off my team. I’m just making sure she pays her dues.”

Apparently in Dufour’s case karma had a name and it was Quill F. Kipps. She smiled and the alcohol made her laugh much more than anticipated. She held onto him as she threw her head back in a fit of laughter, tears starting to prickle the corner of her eyes.

“That’s really sweet of you Kipps, thank you.” She said when her breathing evened out.

“I was proud to have you on my team y/n.” He said, raising his glass. She grabbed another one on a tray a waiter was passing around to clink a glass with his.

“You know,” She said, taking another sip, “I was always so intimidated by you. I was constantly trying to impress you.”

“Well, you did.”

Even though they hadn’t worked together in months, his recognition still made her feel queasy. Or maybe she was drunker than she realized. She looked away, searching for her reflection to make sure she wasn’t as red as she felt she was. Instead, she saw Lockwood watching the whole scene.

“Would you like to dance, maybe?” Kipps asked behind her.

She looked back at him, unable to refuse after what he had done for her. They headed towards the dancing crowd and when she looked back, Lockwood was gone. She tried to focus on her steps and not let him distract her movements. Her head was dangerously dizzy and if it was not for Kipps’ arm around her waist she would have fallen down twice already.

The song felt like it was going on forever, her feet were killing her and a headache started to hurt her temples. After another spin, she spotted Norrie’s red hair from afar, tray in hand and a wide smile on her face. She locked eyes with her and winked before heading back towards the buffet. Did Lucy manage to get the documents? She tried to look around to see if George or Lockwood had the folder. There were so many faces to look at. She lost her balance and tripped, saved by her dancing partner’s quick reflexes.

“y/n are you okay? You should drink some water.” He said as he led her towards the bar. He helped her sit down and brought her a glass, checking if she was alright. He never let go of her hand the whole time.

“I’m fine, I think I just had too much champagne.”

She barely had the time to take a sip of water when a familiar voice resonated behind her.

“What the hell did you do to her?”

She felt Lockwood place his arm behind her back, his touch just as warm as it had been a few hours earlier. His other hand reached her chin, making her look up at him with sleepy eyes.

“Did he make you drink too much?” He asked her in a softer tone, worry filling his voice.

“This is ridiculous!” Kipps answered.

“You shut up!”

“Come on Tony, throwing a tantrum because I danced with your girlfriend, seriously?”

“You-”

“Lockwood! I’m okay, I swear.” She intervened. “Kipps you’ve been great tonight. Thank you for everything, but don’t ruin it now.” She squeezed his hand before letting go. She turned back towards Lockwood. “Maybe we should go now? The first guests seem to be leaving too.”

He hadn’t stopped glaring towards Kipps. When he looked back down at her, he sighed before agreeing.

“Why don’t you go look for George? I’ll be with you in a minute.”

He seemed surprised at her words, like he couldn’t conceive letting her alone with Kipps any longer. He pressed his hand against her back before heading towards the hall. She stood back up, struggling with the height of her heals. Kipps helped her up, holding her still as she tried to find her balance.

“Thank you for everything, Kipps. I never thought you would help me get revenge on Dufour and I have to say that I greatly appreciate it.”

“I tried being the bigger person but it didn’t work out too well for me.”

She teased him once more about the childish fight he had with Lockwood, not convinced that he could ever be the bigger person. They laughed, and she felt truly happy at the comradery they shared. She offered to meet him some time for coffee. He agreed and told her she should probably get back to her boss to avoid any trouble at home. She answered that he was annoying as they hugged goodbye and he ruffled her hair in exchange. With a smile, she headed towards the entrance where Lockwood was already waiting with her coat in hand.

As soon as they got in the car, Lockwood pulled a folder out of his jacket. His smile was radiant as he went over the numbers. They were more than enough to put the Organization in trouble, and hopefully Dufour with it too. As enthusiastic as he was, they were too exhausted to be receptive. George swore he would never set foot in this kind of event ever again while y/n struggled to stay awake.

“I’d rather fight thirteen limbless than talk to another member of that stupid organization.” He exclaimed, shuffling in his seat, disturbing her as she rested her head against the window. There was no time for her to fall asleep, as the cab was already slowing down in front of the house.

George practically jumped out of the car, eager to go to bed to “put this horrible night behind him”. She didn’t know what happened that made him so irritable, but she was sure she had missed something while she was talking to Kipps. Lockwood stepped out next, waiting beside the door to help her out. It was out of necessity more than chivalry since her knees buckled when she stood up. Never leaving her side, he helped her up the stairs into the hall. She started walking or rather stumbling towards the stairs when Lockwood stopped her in her tracks.

“You should drink at least two full glasses of water before sleeping.”

She didn’t answer and simply pouted like a child.

“Fine, if you can walk up to the attic on your own, I won’t make you drink water.”

She gave him an exaggerated smile and immediately tripped over the first step. He put his arm around her and led her towards the kitchen.

She rested against the countertop while he poured her a glass from the tap. She drank it all and he filled it up again. She smiled lazily. She couldn’t keep her eyes off him. He stared back, making sure she drank it all. The stood there for a few minutes in a comfortable silence, wordlessly getting lost in each other’s eyes.

“Thank you for taking care of me.” She said while tilting her head to the side.

It was a bad call. She couldn’t even move her head without being a fall risk.

He caught her just in time, as he always had this evening, and held her closer to start the long climb to the attic. She rested her face against his chest, nestling and taking comfort in his reassuring scent.

“Oh no…” She muttered under her breath.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m putting make-up all over your shirt.” Her voice was sad but she made no move to try and stop it.

“It’s not the first time you put your make-up all over me tonight, darling. I think I’ll be alright.”

After the first flight of stairs, she slouched even more against him. Instead of taking the way up to the attic, he led her towards the opposite end of the hallway in his room. She didn’t register until he laid her down on his bed. The blanket she felt underneath her fingertips wasn’t the same texture as the one she had gotten used to.

“Lockwood I can’t sleep in your bed.” She mumbled, her face pressed into a pillow.

“Of course you can. You’re half asleep already.”

“Yeah but-”

“I’ll go sleep in your bed for tonight.”

She muttered an “okay” barely audible, drifting in and out of consciousness.

“I think that’s enough drinking and dancing for a while.” He said as he pressed a soft kiss against her temple.

“Hardly, I didn’t even get to dance with you!” Her eyelids started to close. “You’re the only one I wanted to dance with.”

She closed her eyes and fell asleep instantly, not noticing when Lockwood exited the room quietly.

---

She woke up to the sound of hammers from the construction across the street. The sun burned her eyes and a painful headache pressed her forehead when she tightly closed her eyelids. She reached for the closest pillow and buried her head under it, hoping to draw out the hurtful sound and the blinding light. It didn’t do much, but it had the perk of surrounding her with a familiar comforting scent. She didn’t know how long she stayed like this. She remembered this wasn’t her room and she was surprised that no one had come in yet. She turned on her side and opened her eyes carefully. The first thing she saw was a glass of water resting on the bedside table. The second was Lockwood’s clothes from last night hanging on the back of his chair. She stared at them for a while, wondering if he had been comfortable enough to change in the same room she was passed out in. While she was sleeping in his bed, nonetheless. She tried the best she could to sit up. Drinking on an empty stomach had not done her any favor. There wasn’t much chance she would get anything done today. She drank the glass left for her and rose up with great difficulty.

Everything hurt. She made her way down the stairs, and by the time she reached the kitchen someone had made her a plate with warm toast. It was sitting on the table at the seat she usually took but there was no one around to greet her. She forced herself to eat even though her stomach wasn’t cooperative and drank as much water as she could, hoping it would help getting over her hangover. The house was quiet. It was a nice change from the noises that had woken her up but it was unsettling not hearing any sign of life. Usually when she thought she was alone she would still hear Lockwood training in the basement or George mutter something under his breath while researching a case. It was rare that the both of them left at the same time. She wondered where they could have gone as she made her way back up the stairs. She passed the library and the turning of pages made her turn around. Lockwood was sitting in his armchair, flipping through his magazine the way he usually did in the late hours of the night after a case. He was impeccable as always and she felt acutely self-conscious standing there at the beginning of the afternoon with messy hair and probably runny make-up all over her face. If he looked up from his magazine she didn’t pay him any attention and ran upstairs to try and look more presentable, no matter how awful she felt.

“Are you feeling better?” He asked when she came back down, not looking up from what he was reading. She took the sit next to him.

“As good as I can.” She answered, massaging her temples.

He pushed forward a glass of water on the table between them.

“Where’s George?” She asked between two sips.

“I sent him to deliver the documents to DEPRAC. I thought he was better suited to leave it anonymously with a semblance of discretion. If Barnes ever saw me there, we could never get away with it.”

“Smart.” She had avoided his eyes the entire time. The entire night was blurry, but the alcohol had not erased the specific memories she was trying to ignore. They stayed in an uncomfortable silence until he finished his magazine, eventually closing it and putting it back on the table between them. The ghost-jar was back into the fireplace, covered in ashes with burn marks here and there. She wondered when George had found the time to keep experimenting on it with how busy they had been these past few weeks. Instead of making its usual horrible faces it simply stared at her. It looked over at Lockwood who didn’t seem to pay him no mind, then back at her with that same insistent stare. It made her even more uncomfortable than the heavy silence filling the room. When she got up to get away from it, it smiled. A crude and devilish smile. What a horrid wretched thing. She was too distracted to realize that Lockwood had followed her into the hall.

“y/n, about last night…”

Before she could turn around, the entire chain of events flashed before her eyes. What part did he want to talk about: her drunken state, the night she spent in his bed, the lipstick mark she left on his cheek or the way she almost kissed him? She couldn’t pick which would be more embarrassing. She didn’t want to talk about any of it either. She didn’t even want to think about it, though this part was harder than it looked. Heat rose to her cheeks at the memory of his hand around her waist in that first-floor bathroom. After behaving so recklessly, a conversation like this was bound to happen. They might as well get it over with.

“I just wanted to say…”

When she finally mustered the courage to look him in the eye, the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it!” She said, hurrying to open the door.

It was Kipps, coming to see if she was feeling better.

“I’m doing alright! Thanks for checking in.”

“I brought you some chocolate chip cookies from a bakery near my flat. Thought they could help.”

“That’s sweet of you Kipps but we’re a doughnut family here.” Lockwood said before snatching the bag out of his hands, coming behind her to wave Kipps away. Kipps ignored him and turned his attention back to her.

“If you’re feeling okay maybe we could grab that cup of coffee you talked about last night?”

“Thanks but I’m still feeling a bit sick, I’d love to go out when I’m fully recovered though!”

“Sure, give me a call when you’re free. Take care, alright?”

“I will, thank you.”

She waved back at him as he left and slowly closed the door behind her. Lockwood was standing silently at the bottom of the stairs.

“You asked Kipps to get coffee after what happened last night?”

“Yes, he’s been a real friend to me. He’s helping me with Dufour without me asking.”

“What do you mean he’s helping you? Have you been cooperating with him behind our backs?”

“Of course not! I just found out he’s been giving her bad press.”

“So, it wasn’t a date then?”

“Are you jealous of Quill Kipps?” She asked with a laugh.

“How dare you say something like that under my roof!”

They both smiled at the situation, easing the tension that was there a few minutes earlier.

“But seriously, y/n. I wanted to apologize about last night. I never meant to make anything weird or-”

“Can we just say that we both acted dumb?”

He took a few seconds to consider her offer.

“Well, you started it.” He grinned.

She looked at him defiantly. She would not take the fall for this, even though her unrequited crush was definitely to blame.

“Didn’t you call me darling last night?”

He blushed at the mention, only saved by the front door opening and letting George in, followed closely by Inspector Barnes. The intrusion of the DEPRAC representative took them aback. They stared mutely back and forth between George and the inspector, waiting for an explanation. The man stared back at them, a familiar folder in hand. Without saying a word, Lockwood led him to the living room. y/n closed the door before joining them. Barnes stood in the middle of the room, glaring between them, holding up the folder and pointing it accusingly at Lockwood.

“I don’t want to know how you could have gotten your hand on these documents.”

“I’ve never seen that folder before in my life.” Lockwood replied, feigning innocence.

“Shut it! I don’t care how you did it, I know it was you. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have caught Karim here sneaking out of Scotland Yard after an ‘anonymous contribution’ was made for the case you seem to be tied to.” He glared in her direction to punctuate his words. After holding her stare in an anger-fueled silence, he looks down in resignation. “As much as I hate to admit it, this evidence makes our case stronger against the Silverpoint Organization.”

She couldn’t help a thin smile to form on her lips. She looked back at Lockwood, relieved. He was already looking back at her with a soft smile. He winked before looking back at Barnes with a proud smile.

“Don’t even dare congratulate yourselves for this. Next time you step out of line, one mistake and I revoke your license and shut down this agency for good.”

They all looked down, trying to hide their joy at hearing that their plan had worked. After a few more minutes of silent scolding, the inspector aimed for the door.

“An audit of the organization’s finances will start in a few days and we’ll probably put an end to your surveillance.” He turned back. “That does not mean that you should get back to breaking any law-”

“Does that mean that Dufour will be arrested soon?” y/n couldn’t help asking, interrupting Barnes who had an exasperated look on his face. He sighed.

“Unfortunately, like any person involved in relic dealings the only evidence that can guarantee an arrest are catching the perpetrators in the act. I’m afraid Mrs. Dufour will remain free for now.” He didn’t seem as frustrated as she was. Probably because this kind of injustice was commonplace in his line of work. Still, her highest hopes came crashing down. The rollercoaster from the joy of their success to this disillusion made her sick.

“Oh.” She simply said.

“I’ll do my best to get her complaint against you dropped. Don’t get the idea of putting yourself in any more danger to get more evidence yourself. Am I clear?”

“Perfectly clear, inspector.”

The three of them led him back to the front door. When she closed it behind him, George and Lockwood both placed an arm around her.

“We’ll figure something out.” Lockwood said. “I promise.”

“It’s alright.” She said in a flat tone. “I’ll go lie down for a while, I think I’m still sick from the champagne.”

As she went up the stairs, her mind was already reeling. If Barnes couldn’t get the evidence he needed to put Dufour away for good, she’d find a way to do it herself.

[ihatedean]

please help my baby get his ear surgery done<3

thank you for clicking read more :)

so after months of testing the vet informed us a few days ago that our cat does, in fact, have skin cancer. to get more specific it's actually squamous-cell carcinoma.

(text is in spanish but im sure google lens can translate pretty well.)

it's affecting the tip/side of his left ear and hasn't spread to his nose or the other ear, so the vet recommended surgery to get the ear removed as soon as we possibly can. this would be on september 2nd, this monday.

exams like x-rays and biopsies have already been pretty expensive so i'm making this post to hopefully offset the cost of his pinnectomy (ARS$180,000->USD$189) even just a little bit. the whole thing has been really stressing and adding to that a messed up family situation where i can't ask them for help, please trust me when i say i wouldn't do this if i didn't need to.

details for the fic commissions:

my ao3 account for reference

right now im working on stuff for supernatural and formula 1 so that's where my brain's at, mostly, but ive done a lot of writing for jojo's bizarre adventure (im Very fluent with jotaro and all part 3-4 characters) and for the argies in the room, i've even written stuff for los simuladores and el marginal. i have no issues writing in spanish (rioplatense).

im also comfortable writing for genshin impact. been playing for years and im familiar with the lore up until fontaine. i've been itching to write something for a while :)

im Very Very familiar with x reader fics and will do OC x Character or OC x OC gladly as long as you provide character art or detailed descriptions to help me capture them best.

im comfortable writing pretty much every ship for the fandoms i named and can do gen, teen, mature and explicit works. im open to all kinks and have a history of doing incest and age-gap pairings. im comfortable with most dark themes— will write dub-con, non-con, cnc, and want to hear your weirdly specific skinks. in general, it's easier to say what i will not do than what i will. no judgement, as long as you respect

what i will not do:

horror

gore

necrophilia

violent non-con or explicit non-con (mentioning it in the story is fine, but i will not write the actual scene)

scat

vore

race play (hateful imagery/racial slurs)

kidfic

for formula 1 im simply inept at doing maxiel and c2. in general, i struggle with max and carlos. won't write anything for lando, sorry. anything else from 2010 to 2024 is fine, and im open to AUs of any kind as well as gender bending :)

pricing

Tier 3 — USD$5 for 500 words. 5 slots open

Tier 2 — USD$10 for 1k to 3k words. 2 slots open

Tier 1 — USD$25 for 4k to 10k words. 2 slots open

if i exceed wordcount in any case, it's on me. i'm a yapper.

contact me here or ask for my gmail in tumblr dms ^^

i can only accept ppal for USD$. if you're in argentina and you're interested, dm me for mercadopago info :)

(if you just want to donate that's totally cool. i just felt weird asking for money without anything to offer. it's a me thing)

ppal link

if you read this whole thing, thank you. here is the boy himself. he's almost 11 years old, incredibly grumpy, manipulative, called ugly by almost all my friends, has already gone through eye surgery so that's why his eyes look Like That, and on the rare occasion he sits on my lap i literally cry.

please put sunscreen on your cats, especially if they have white hair like aki. we didn't know for the longest time that exposure to the sun could cause skin cancer on cats and by the time we knew and started doing it, it was too late.

[seneitut]

‘‘Redemption’‘

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]

[Yoru/F!Reader][Slight Gekko/Reader(?)]

Words: 10K

Tags: Fluff, break-up, jealousy, introspection, technicality of the game (Wanted to play with the AFK idea oopsie), NSFW +18, handjob, oral sex, teasing, dom/sub undertones, vaginal sex, more fluff, aftercare.

[Sorry for the wait, I had matters to take care of before posting this and, as you can see, is literally the longest fanfic I’ve written so far so I had to make a lot of revisions before posting it.]

-----------------------------

A few weeks later, Gekko breaks up with you.

Sudden and quick, from what he's been told.

Is surprising how fast the news travels within the few agents who are interested in something so mundane as gossiping inside the protocol. And Yoru is certain he wouldn't indulge in it if it weren't for Jett's loud mouth and perfect timing to witness the event unfolding in front of her very eyes.

The part where she decides Yoru should be the first to get the news was out of his control. Jett made sure the gossip was spread around like wildfire, starting with him and consequently Phoenix, to later on be told to Raze and Killjoy, and like dominoes, it all went downhill.

You didn't deserve something this personal to be vented out like it was nothing, and while he reprimanded Jett for being so careless and stupid for breaking your trust, her apologies wouldn't quell what has already been burnt.

What were the reasons? He asks himself that night. Why did this happen?

There is a faint clink between the tools he switches from hand to hand, discarding the one he doesn't need at the moment, before he goes back to fixing his bike. 

The loose screws and the heavy puffs of breath he exhales are the only sounds accompanying him in the empty room, too deep in thought and simply mulling over what developed in the conversation that culminated in your relationship with Gekko.

Is unhealthy of him to think about your love life when he has nothing to do with it; but Yoru is nothing but a curious human, and as flawed as he might be, the need to know nags him unceasingly. 

Yoru wonders if you ever told Gekko what transpired between you two that night. And if so, wouldn’t he understand that he was the one to take advantage of you? Yoru initiated the approach. He kissed you without asking for your permission—and while it is true that he acted upon impulses and you miraculously reciprocated, he is still to blame and be taken accountability for complicating things.

But if that wasn't the case, if you decided to keep the secret of your little moment of weakness and passion to yourself, has Gekko been planning this beforehand and simply decided to toy with your feelings for this long? Because that wouldn't make any sense.

Gekko has always acted like you were his everything; his light, his moon, his whole world. Gekko always made sure to let everyone know how much he was in love with you, much to Yoru's chagrin, and has been your personal cheerleader at everything since day one.

And now, he decides he's tired of it and breaks up with you without any explanation?

How fucking dare him.

The man is stupid for letting go who could possibly be the strongest and kindest person he's known; just what the fuck was he thinking to break your heart like this? Wasn’t he boasting about your amazing relationship a couple of weeks ago? What changed? Why was he backing off like a coward?

The shock about the separation turns into confusion, which soon boils into pure anger sizzling from the inside of his heart.

Anger is a very known feeling to him, an acquaintance to his impulses when he was younger. When he used to fall under his emotions with no regards to whoever received them, it got him into trouble more often than not, sometimes to the point he would wake up in a hospital bed after a bad beating against Tokyo’s gangs or whoever dared to mess with him.

Was it worth falling under those impulses again, when he has come far and grown from those times?

It is not his place, in truth, to be this angry. You are nothing to him, a friend at most after all. Should he be reeling in anger just because someone hurted you?

No, but he does it anyway.

Inside the rift, everything has its place. Time, space and matter all have their purpose set straight unlike him, who doesn’t really belong in this dimension and he bends them to his liking. When he goes through it, his body feels like it sinks underwater, although his movements are not deterred despite the feeling, it gets overwhelming if Yoru stays for too long. 

Omen has once mentioned how it feels to leave a part of himself everytime he goes through the rift, does it hurt? Can he feel himself tearing apart? He doesn’t, he doesn’t feel any sort of pain, and Yoru wonders if that should concern him or shall not be too worried.

But no matter, that is of no importance right now.

It doesn’t take long for him to find Gekko while running through the base, the tip of his fingers tingling with the want to release some steam and chest heaving with anger seeping off of him. 

Gekko is lounging at the range with Reyna by his side. His whole posture is slouched, head between his hands and avoiding Reyna’s gentle but confused expression.

Both are lucky he doesn’t carry a weapon or else a crime would have taken place at the base. He's bluffing, of course, because he wouldn't dare to harm others severely. 

Yoru wishes he could, though.

For the time being, he will remain inside the rift and watch in silence. If he's going to punch Gekko until he becomes a pulp, he rather do it alone without witnesses. That and he doesn’t want to deal with Reyna’s wrath if she were to be present when he beats the shit out of this scum.

They seem to be talking about something, but it doesn't seem to be escalated enough to label it as an argument but it wasn’t a normal conversation either. 

When he decides to take a closer look, he finds Gekko with a devastated expression on his face and eyes misty with a thin layer of tears. Is shocking, to say the least, being the witness to such an abnormal expression on the usual happy man.

Reyna is frowning, a tight line set on her lips and hand hovering over his shoulder, hesitant whether to touch him or not.

Through the rift, the sounds come garbled and sometimes impossible to discern with the huge gap between the time passing by and him floating in nothingness. Yoru approaches further, cautious, for maybe Reyna might be able to distinguish his soul in between the subtle breaking in the rift.

“Why did you have to break it off, though?” She mutters, a confused expression painting her features. “Las cosas iban bien entre ustedes, ¿no es así?”

Gekko shrugs, not wanting to voice his thoughts.

“She likes you, Teo,” Yoru doesn’t know what’s going on. “She likes you a lot, mijo.”

Gekko’s eyes look downcast, a sad smile tugging his lips.

“She might like me.” he whispers brokenly. “But she doesn’t love me.”

Yoru might be a killing machine on the field and a cold-hearted person towards others if he so desires; he’s been told so many times before. But at this moment, he understands that his anger should be quelled and tone it down a little bit, for he is not the only one who is hurt and he might have misinterpreted the whole situation.

What could be worse, than finding out the person you love doesn't share the same sentiment to the same degree as you do? 

He's gone through the path once, way before meeting you, but never considered himself hurt because he was experimenting with said emotion. Because love is weird, a state in oneself where you are the weakest and he hated feeling like that. 

It was thanks to you he decided to transform this weakness into a strength, despite knowing it could bite his ass one day. Yoru gave in to his desires with you, and he admits you acknowledging his intentions and reciprocating them gave him the sort of euphoria he doesn’t find often in fights.

Gekko is as upset as you might be, more hurt than one might think.

What should he do now?

Staring off into the distance, Yoru thinks emotions are bullshit and way too difficult to deal with.

Gekko and yourself have been a clear example to how far he can go because of some petty feeling like jealousy or lust, and how pathetic it made him act without thinking of the consequences—not like he's cared about that before.

But because of this, Jett has been his shoulder to cry on, and Phoenix his ear to lend when he feels like he cannot handle the mixed emotions into a devastating concoction of overwhelmingness. 

Both have been the key to fix himself up and rebuild after learning of your relationship, despite reassuring with anger that he was fine when it was not true.

His friends are good and he doesn't deserve them, in truth, with how shitty he has been in the past. But for so long he has been denying himself the pleasure to get things that are meant to be his, and this is one of them. 

Yoru will learn to heal and move on, sooner or later, and he hopes he can face you without feeling troubled or confused as to what he wants in life.

Things never get easier from afar.

“Launch site, be there in ten.” Brimstone calls out to him one day. 

To say he scared the shit out of him would be an understatement, choking on his beverage before glaring at the commander with the dirtiest look he could muster. 

He did not hear him coming, even when his loud stomping could be heard from down the hallway, but that is mostly his fault because of his lack of attention and disoriented mind. It should be obvious with the dark bags under his eyes and tired expression that he hasn't been getting enough sleep and was most likely out of it because Brimstone regards him with solemnity.

“It’s Ice box, Yoru.” he mentions. The name of the place alone makes him perk up in attention. “Anomalies have taken place recently, coming from the lab holding onto the samurai's armor.”

What?

“We’ve tracked down a wave of radianite that was ignited on icebox, but we weren’t sure from where exactly.” Brimstone takes out his device, approaching him on the kitchen table and laying it out for him to see. “Cypher was able to narrow it down to A site only, and by the looks of it, we aren’t the only ones who are after it.”

“The omega?” he asks, uncertain. 

“They are approaching rapidly. We need to leave soon.”

That wakes him up, “I’ll be there in ten.”

Brimstone nods and takes his leave.

There is not much time before parting nor question who else was coming to Ice box with them. Not like it matters, but he rather have teammates that will work well alongside him for something as important as this.

Taking his jacket from his room and his butterfly knife, he wonders if the sudden anomaly on Ice box had anything to do with his restless nights for the past weeks.

An incognita were the nightmares that Yoru has had lately. It was never anything clear for him to guess or simply have a vague idea as to what it wanted, but with what Brimstone has told him, a lot of things cleared up. 

Not the whole picture, but it was something to start from.

At the launch site, he encounters Sage and Reyna talking in hushed voices. Both of them regard him with a silent nod and go back to the conversation, but Reyna's eyes never leave his form while he keeps on walking—and if looks could kill, he would be underground in an instant. Yoru does his best to ignore it until he can no longer feel her threatening aura sticking to the back of his neck, and once to a safe distance, he sighs in relief.

Brimstone is at the entrance of the jet carrying an operator, securely strapped to his back, and a few other weapons on the carriage. He seems to be talking to someone inside the vehicle already, handing out the guns and the operator, but can't figure out who.

“Step in, Yoru, we are getting ready.” The commander calls. “I'll coordinate with Sage and Reyna, and we take off.”

Nodding, he enters, but his whole serious façade is gone the moment his eyes land on yours.

Perhaps it had to do with time, or the light working in your favor, but the moment you lock eyes, you literally take his breath away with surprise painting his features. It almost seems like you were expecting him with the way you perk up in excitement as soon as you see him.

Smiling softly, you pat the seat next to yours, beckoning him to approach you. 

“I didn't know you were coming.” He comments, clearing up his throat. “Should've said something.”

“It was a last minute call.” Shrugging, he notices the strap of the operator in arm, but says nothing. “Brimstone was unsure whether to call you in or leave you out of this. But with how things were going, I decided it was for the best if you came and asked him to look for you.”

“Hah, missed me that much?” 

Yoru really never learns, huh. 

Is natural for him to want to tease you, so used to it that now, even after so long without speaking nor crossing words, he has the urge to interact with you this way.

“I did, Yoru.” You answer with honesty. The look in your eyes has him paralyzed, feeling his face flush with the short distance between you two. It reminisces the moment where you first kissed in the kitchen, and that only fuels his embarrassment because it could be so easy to lean in and kiss you again. “I-um, I missed you a lot.”

Brimstone stomps in the jet, raising a brow when he sees Yoru jump on his seat, startling him once again, and fixes his composure before the two of you look at him. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, we’re just catching up.” Your hand covers his own hand laying on his lap, squeezing it with gentleness until your fingers intertwine. “Been a while.”

Brimstone nods, going to the cockpit without any further questions. Sage and Reyna follow up next, both of them regarding you two with a respective nod and taking a seat in front of you.

Cowardice isn't a term known by Yoru, scratching it up and dunking it on the trash since he is by no means a coward. But with how heavy Reyna's stare is, burning holes into your gentle but loving clasping hands, he is starting to get why some people are afraid. 

You distract him enough, though, speaking in a soft tone about what has been going on lately and the missions you haven't shared since Lotus—there is no mention of the situation you had when you first kissed, but he is soon to push it to the back of his mind to save you the trouble.

Surprisingly, he is able to maintain eye contact for longer than he expects without embarrassment clouding his senses, following up your peppy conversation with a few grunts and short replies.

Throughout the whole flight, your hand never leaves his.

x    x    x    x

Ice box is just as he remembers. 

Empty, freezing, but with a whole new wave of unknown power radiating from the old labs. 

Yoru gets why Brimstone was so unsure to bring him along. 

The pulsating beckoning of energy was nauseating and tiring; a migraine approaching fastly and making him lose his footing as soon as he steps off the jet.

Sage is there in an instant, clear worry across her features and helping him to stabilize himself. 

“Are you okay?” She asks. Her hands are glowing a soft blue, her healing abilities ready for him if need be. 

Yoru is close to dismissing her help, annoyed to be treated so delicately, but before he could muster a word, a spike of pain strikes his head, groaning in discomfort and his side hits the entrance of the landing. 

Leaving the operator on the floor, you run to where Yoru has fallen to the floor, and grasp him tightly by the shoulders to help him sit comfortably. 

Holding his head between his hands, he grunts, eyes tightly shut and breathing heavily through his nose. His head is pounding horribly, sounds he doesn't know where they were coming from was deafening him heavily that all your voices were melting together in the background. 

He sees the moment the sounds stop completely, mouths moving and actions on going but nothing else. Instead, a gruffing and heavy voice is what resonates inside his brain, like an echo, and a womanly voice accompanies it when they call to him.

‘Come’, they whisper, ‘Come to us.’

Your hand goes straight to his back, caressing him with soothing motions and whispers of gentle words. Respectfully, nothing you are doing helps with his pain nor confusion drowning him. It is kind of annoying, too, but Yoru likes you too much to say something of the sort and lets you do whatever you want.

‘Find him.’

And then it ceases completely. The sounds from his environment come back with a sudden burst he feels his ears sensible with the many voices trying to talk one above the other. Is overwhelming.

“We cannot continue with Yoru in this state.” Brimstone walks up to where Yoru is sitting, patting his back with a strong push. The japanese man holds back an insult at his action. “You’re staying. There is no time to go back and bring someone else to replace you, so stay here.”

“I can still fight-”

“No. And that’s an order.” He nods to Reyna and Sage to go on ahead. “Survey A site, I’ll take mid and we will strike as soon as I give the order.”

Sage glances at him from the corner of her eyes, worried, but complies with Brimstone's request. Reyna follows after her without regarding him at all but with a scoff, vandal at hand and the most graceful walking she could muster.

If Yoru wasn’t in so much pain, he would have laughed to mock her. He can have all the respect for Reyna and her tactical abilities, but to be this childish over whatever she was feeling was ridiculous in his eyes.

Brimstone calls you out, startling you, “Survey B site but don’t push. You’re gonna be alone so we can’t gamble losing a team member this easily, understood?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good.”

Brimstone gives a brief glance at him before leaving you two alone.

Grunting, his fist hits the side of the floor, frustrated. The only time where he needs to be in the best shape is ruined by god knows what, that he doesn’t know who to blame it on.

“Yoru, is it okay if I speak this softly? Does it hurt you?” Your hand hovers over his fist, thumb running up and down his spiked knuckles. 

He breathes out harshly, nodding. 

“The enemy team has brought Yoru, too, and the chances of him suffering what you're going through are high.” Hand under his chin, he lets you raise his head gently to lock gazes. The pain subsides for a little bit, enough to have clarity and melt under the beautiful color of your eyes looking at him with so much emotion. “Don't worry about not coming, their Yoru might have to back off from this just like you, so there is no need to worry.”

Kissing the top of his head, you stand up and take your gun back. Reloading the ammo, you strap on the operator and send him a small smile before walking away.

“We'll figure out what happens after we're done, for now take a rest.”

The normality of your actions only furthers his want to go after you, seeing you walk away with a steady step. Nevermind the pain clouding his senses, he cannot help but worry for whatever might happen if you were to stay alone.

And it doesn’t have to do with him doubting your skills, but the inability to do something to help because of some dumb bullshit about the radianite and the armor still under vigilance in the labs.

The voices from before might have something to do with the anomalies, but he isn’t sure whether to trust his guts or just wait for some miracle to happen to figure it out. The headache won’t be going away anytime soon nor the pain racking his whole body, and he isn’t going to stay at the landside where there won’t be any action unfolding.

Standing up slowly, Yoru grunts in discomfort, losing his footing the first try but finding support on the wall the second time. 

He taps on the private line immediately, breathing a sigh of relief when you answer quickly to his call.

“Yoru, what’s wrong?” Your voice comes in rushed, a subtle undertone of worry honeying your words. “Are you okay? Do you need me to come back?”

“I-I’m okay. I need-”

Everything turns black for a second. The single second where all matters and nothing does at the same time.

The numbness on his limbs, the rush of memories, the excruciating pain destroying him from the inside; this all feels familiar and nostalgic, reviving the moment where his life changed and there was no turning back from the powers gifted to him.

‘Look for us', they plead. ‘Find him.'

The moment he blinks the sky greets him with a bright shine, blinding him for a moment and taking his time adjusting to it. Your face comes into view after a few seconds, a frown between your eyebrows and mouth set in a tight line. 

The light from above gives you a crown of light, glowing softly against your skin Yoru might have commented on it if it weren’t for his lucidity and catching his tongue on time.

When he breathes, he doesn’t feel any sort of pain. 

It almost feels like it never was there to begin with, which is surprising given the circumstances.

“Yoru?” Your voice quivers with anxiousness. 

“Hm.” he sighs, running a hand through his hair in a weak attempt to appear cool. “M'fine, just…dizzy.”

“Here, sit.”

You manage to make Yoru sit without any trouble, looking for any signs of injury or distress from his pain early on, but find nothing to worry about. He seems fine, better than before, for sure.

The japanese man pushes you to the side gently, creating enough space for him to stand up and pat down his clothes to clear it from debris or snow sticking to the fabric. You are still watching him like a hawk in case he starts losing his footing, but Yoru scoffs, offended, and walks past where you're kneeling.

“Aren't you coming? We've got a mission to fulfill.” 

Flabbergasted, you blink up at him, mouth opening and closing without any words making it out. 

“Yoru,” you start gently, standing up. “Brimstone was very clear with his instructions. You have to stay here if you are unable to perform.”

“I look fine, don’t I? Let’s go.”

“Wh- Yoru, you couldn’t even stand minutes ago and now you’re acting all tough?” You point at the jet, “Go back. This whole act isn’t cool.”

The wind blows by strongly, ruffling his well kept hair, but no words of daring come from his mouth. Instead, he leans into the side, cocking his head and smirking at your attempt to be bossy.

“Who’s going to make me stay, you?” Giving a dry laugh, he crosses his arms. “Go on, try it, little minx.”

“Don’t make me start, Yoru, or else-”

“Or else what?”

You breathe in heavily, counting to ten inside your head to not snap at him nor disrespect him.

 “You have to follow what Brimstone has told you.” You retort, muttering through clenched teeths. “You stay here because I say so, too.”

“Oh yeah? And when has that stopped me?” 

Spluttering, your anger rises with the tone in your voice, “I have no fucking idea, so stop acting like a fucking brat and stay!”

Not wanting to give him a chance to reply, you turn around and stomp your way to B site just like Brimstone delegated. You hear Yoru walk right behind you, oblivious to your demand, and you cannot help the little vein protruding on your forehead with the anger consuming you.

“Fucking bitch.” You mutter under your breath. Walking backwards, you shout at him. “Is it that hard to listen to instructions?! What is your deal?”

“I can’t leave you alone.” is his reply, which infuriates you more. “I’m good. I will go with you.”

“Do you really not trust my own abilities? Weren’t you the one who said that you all should be more trusting of my skills when we went to Lotus?” Scoffing, you turn your back to him, climbing up the stairs to the kitchen. “Unbelievable, you are truly unbelievable and a hypocrite.”

“It has nothing to do with your ability or not. I don’t want to leave you alone.”

“Hah! Sure, as if that were all.”

“Would you even stop for a second if I were to say anything else?” Rolling his eyes, he continues. “You cannot even trust me when I tell you I’m fine and now you want me to follow your rules?”

Not even looking at him, you reply, “Yeah! That would be nice!”

“Stop for a second damnit! Listen to me!”

You don’t. You cross the threshold of the kitchen and he runs up to you like a little kid about to throw a tantrum. Taking your hand into his, he tries to make you stop and look at him, but you snatch it away immediately.

“I love you.” he blurts out.

That is enough to stop you dead in your tracks, not giving him a glance nor reply to his words. Yoru feels his face burn with embarrassment but is determined to let his feelings be known after so long. Whether you reciprocate or not, is all up to you. Whether this is the correct place to be outing his feelings, he is not sure.

The contrast of the cold brushing his warm cheeks in gentle breezes sends a shiver down his spine, blaming the weather for the wavering puffs of air coming out of his mouth and not because of the sudden nervousness eating him from the inside. 

After a long minute, that almost feels like many years in his opinion, you resume your walking with him tailing behind you. Yoru wonders if you’ve heard him correctly or perhaps you misunderstood his words. 

“I said I love y-”

“I know.” you interrupt, gaze set straight in front of you. “Gekko told me so but I didn’t believe him. It wasn’t until we kissed that night that I realized I was pretty dumb for not noticing your feelings.”

Yoru would think this was some sort of rejection, not really understanding if you were reprimanding him for kissing you or telling you he loves you when you already know. But looking closely, he sees the tip of your ears redden with each step, refusing to meet him in the eye.

“You should go back to the jet. Brimstone is going to be mad at us.”

“I don't care.”

“Well, you should! I ain't taking responsibility if something happens to you.” 

“I don't need protection nor for you to take responsibility. I'm here right now because you need to know that I love you and I won’t be leaving you alone.”

“Okay! I get it!”

Smirking slightly, he jogs to your side and bumps shoulders with you. You shot him a dirty look, pouting when he finally sees the red on your cheeks is not because of the cold but from his words.

“What about you?” he dares ask.

“What about me?” you echo, annoyed.

Yeah, what about you? Was he expecting to hear the same words of professing love from you? He just wanted to get rid of these thoughts cluttering his brain and distracting him, to be free, in some sort of way. Yoru hopes he didn’t make you uncomfortable with his sudden confession.

Humming, you give him a side glance and a grin, “You sure are very confident for someone who doesn't know what the other feels.” Bumping his shoulder back, you walk ahead of him. “I love you too.”

Oh.

Oh.

You love him.

Having you say those words sparks some sort of hope he buried deep within his heart, digging them back to surface. His face is lit in flames within seconds, and he tries to hide it behind a raised hand and looks the other way to avoid you seeing it.

Is clear he does a poor job trying to conceal his embarrassment and excitement because as soon as you get a glimpse of his face, you laugh brightly, poning his side to mock him. That only worsens his state, face hot and red as a pepper.

Once you two are deep in the kitchen, you take a bold decision.

Pushing Yoru against the halls, your hand tangles behind his head, pulling on his roots and clashing your mouths together on a bruising kiss. Is obvious he wasn’t expecting this kind of action from you because he groans loudly, leaning into the hand pulling at his hair harshly and melting under your liplock with a sigh.

He doesn’t take long to hold onto your waist and turn the tables, caging you against the wall this time and giving you the same treatment of roughness by holding you behind your neck and his left hand grabbing you by the waist, slotting your hips together. 

Is a little uncomfortable being in this position because the operator is still strapped to your back, but Yoru makes it work with bending you to his body and making you forget about the gun when he takes your chin between his fingers and makes some distance. 

Whining, you close the gap once again, not giving him time to take a breath and sticking your tongue inside his mouth to maintain contact. 

He consumes your fire from within like a starved man, sucking on your lower lip and biting it as gently as his hands paws over your whole form, basking in the feeling of your mouths clasped together and the tight hold you have on his hair every time his hands travel to to your backside.

You pull on his hair harshly when his left hand grabs a fistful of your ass and he groans, trying to make distance to breathe in some air, but you gasp loudly when his lips attach to your neck immediately, nibbling on the skin and sucking desperately to mark your skin.

“We need to survey B site, Yoru, let go.” You moan at one particular bite, sighing when his hands try to go under your clothes. You smack his hands away, flustered and a little bit angry. “God dammit, Ryo, not now.”

“Says the one who started this, little minx.” he teases, licking up a strip of saliva from your collarbone to your neck.

Huffing, you push him off of you, resuming your walking with the little dignity you still hold and cleaning the spit in the corner of your mouth. Yoru prides himself in seeing you this disheveled over him, imagining what else could he do if you let him be.

Gotta calm down, now. He doesn’t want to deal with the bad guys with a hard-on now, does he?

“So?” he asks. You blink up at him. “What’s going to happen now?”

“Feelings are difficult, I guess.” Shrugging, you strap off your operator. “I understand why the fraternization rule was made, it only gets in the way of our job. That’s why Gekko and I never worked.”

“Does it, now?”

Brimstone is saying something through the comms, but neither of you pay him any mind. Yoru nudges your side with his arm, and you cannot escape the small smile tugging at your lips.

“We can talk about ourselves later.” is all you say before setting off. “We have all the time in the world, Ryo.”

Smiling, he straps off his Sheriff. 

He likes the way you say his name.

“Whatever, you idiot.”

x    x    x    x

Yoru doesn't want to admit that he was weak throughout the fight. 

Not because of his abilities nor aim—he would fight whoever thinks he whiffs his shots— but because he let the enemies run away in one piece when he had the chance of eliminating them for good.

The excuse of running out of bullets was believable, having only a sheriff and a few reloads while defending the site, and you backing up his report helped a lot. Besides, Brimstone was more focused on his disobedience in a clear order than letting go of the omega agents, so he supposes that was enough of a distraction.

The intel was right, omega Yoru was here, alongside your omega version. It seems like they were set off to lurk while the rest of the team attacked A site and they were to wrap around your base to corner you all. 

It backfired immediately.

Your aim was impeccable, as always. He didn't know you were proficient with the operator but it was no joke when you had the gun in hand and targets to shoot. 

But, in truth, he is tempted to think you let them go, too, because they were injured enough but not dead by the bullets that were fired. 

Your omega version stood in front of omega Yoru, protecting him from the bullets that weren’t coming through anymore. Both of them were bleeding and with wounds that could probably kill them if it were not to be treated correctly and on time.

“Please,” your omega version begs. They have a shorty, only, discarding it to the side to mean no harm. “Take me if you want, but don't touch him.”

Yoru's eyes travels from you to omega Yoru, who is panting harshly behind the other you. The omega snarls, furious, to be witnessed by his mirror to this weak state.

He knows himself, knows the other must feel pathetic and frustrated for not doing more and failing so miserably on this mission. The pride is high and wild, so who better than himself to understand the situation at hand.

Yoru loads his last bullet to the sheriff, and you shrivel up in panic. Your stance hasn't changed, your tattered body still shielding omega Yoru despite the pain and that is something he respects. 

“Should I shoot?” your voice comes from the comms. He knows you're still aiming and watching in silence whatever is unfolding on site, but you don't interfere further than to ask that question. 

“I have it under control.” Is all he answers.

A bullet is shot, and your omega version gasps in unison with omega Yoru when they see the bullet go a few centimeters off the side, not even gracing them.

“What-?”

“Leave.” Yoru straps on his sherriff, taking out his butterfly knife instead to play with it while he waits in silence. When neither of you react, he raises a brow. “Want me to carry you to your own base or what? Leave now before Brimstone comes, he won't be merciful.”

That was their cue to start moving.

You try to carry omega Yoru as best as you could, having his arm around your shoulders and your hand holding onto his jeans for leverage. Giving him a brief glance, you thank him quietly before starting to walk away with urgency.

“Wait.” Omega Yoru tries to turn around, glaring at his alpha version. “It's because of her, isn't it? Is it the same for you?”

You nudge him, eyes pleading for him to keep walking,“Yoru, stop.”

“No. I want to know why.” His mirror grunts in pain, almost colliding against the wall if it weren't for your hold. “I know me. And I know I would have shot if it weren't because of her. So I need to know if it's the same for you.”

Yoru decides to not answer, since everything is already laid out for them. He knows you are listening through the comms, so whatever his answer is, you should've known by now.

“So it is.” he mutters, giving a dry laugh. “This is going to be the death of us one day.”

“Love, let’s go.” Your mirror mutters. He nods, and they take off.

“Ice box is fucking cursed, Yoru.” The other says. “The voices are torturing, trying to be helpful, but this place is cursed for us.”

You never said anything, watching the duo walk away as best as they could with the sun setting in the background. 

The trail of blood they leave behind is the only clue that a battle has unfolded and they were once again victorious, although it felt nothing like a victory to him.

The words from omega Yoru would stay with him, storing the information for future investigation, and haunting him until his next confrontation takes place. 

“I think you did good.” Eating a slice of the apple, you glance briefly at him, interrupting his thoughts. “Letting them go, I mean. I think it was good.”

He scoffs, “I was weak. A mistake I won’t be making again if we encounter them in the future.” 

Shaking your head, you lean your head to the side, “You had mercy on them. I think this is a step that was necessary to take to change the dynamic we’re living in.”

Blinking down at you, he raises a brow, “What do you mean by that?”

Your fingers tap the table in a rhythmic motion, mulling over his question for a moment before replying, “I don’t think it is necessary to be killing them, despite having done so already many times before.” Shrugging, you take another slice. “Call me naive or just a hopeless romantic, but what they had is something I respect a lot. They are humans, too, not just some kind of experimentation we can look over. They…they might have an explanation for the radianite and their need.”

Yoru rolls his eyes with skepticism, crossing his arms with disappointment in his eyes. 

“This is my way of thinking.” You defend. “You can have yours, but we both know that nothing might change unless we are the one’s meddling in the battlefield.”

“You’re willing to risk it all to prove that an amicable relationship can be doable?”

Humming, you nod, “I do.”

“You’re dumb, then.”

“Maybe, but only time will tell if I’m right.”

“Suit yourself.”

Both of you fall in silence, eating from the plate the few slices of apple that are left. Only the buzzing from the refrigerator makes a background noise to cover up the long and suffocating topic that none of you want to touch now. 

Yoru is nervous, you are nervous, but you are too cowardly to take the first step.

Mission aside, what happened at ice box when you kissed again was supposed to be the bridge to start a conversation about what would entail knowing each other’s feelings. One would believe that something might have happened by now, but here you are.

In silence.

“I think I’ll take my leave.” He coughs awkwardly, standing from the chair. “Goodnight.”

It was almost like a mirror situation many weeks ago. Where he leaves and you are left confused, wanting, and you cannot bear the thought of dealing this by yourself again.

When he bids you goodbye, you unconsciously reach for his hand, immediately stopping him from going further and he looks back at you. 

When none of you say anything, you brave yourself through your nervousness to break the distance and take his face with your free hand, caressing his cheek with tenderness. 

Yoru lets you do whatever you want, anxiousness seeping out of him when you tiptoe to reach him and, in an act to fulfill your impulses, you kiss the corner of his mouth with a gentle touch.

The japanese man stifles at the contact, gasping when your lips travel from a mere graze, to groaning when your mouth captures him in a passionate kiss, lips melting together sweetly like honeycomb.

You hold him like you desire to be devoured completely; reaching, grabbing and tugging everywhere until his body engulfs yours against the counter of the kitchen and you hold onto his shoulders for leverage. His hands rise goosebumps under your clothes, big palms caressing the skin on your back, racking down his nails until he feels your shudder. 

Somewhere in the back of your mind, you wonder if this was wrong of you to do. If Gekko would mind you chasing after what you really want despite having failed him miserably while together. 

Gekko is none the wiser, your brain supplies, and you hope it stays that way. 

You tug playfully at his lower lip with your teeth before diving to get more of him, mouths slotting together on a more profound kiss and tongues fighting to claim dominance. It is then that any rational thought goes out of the window.

His hand finds purchase on your hips, yours tugs at his hair, earning a groan from him which you immediately swallow with greed. Yoru has half the mind to think about what he's doing when his hand brushes your thighs and pulls you up until you're seated on the counter. 

“What are you doing?” You ask, breathless. 

Yoru's mouth kisses every inch of skin to his availability, sucking on your neck with want until you have your head thrown back, enticing him to mark every part of you. 

“We should stop.” He begs, but his actions betray his words when he rolls his hips against your core, cock twitching inside his pants. You whisper his name, returning the favor and caging him between your legs. 

You can feel his erection even through all the clothing between your bodies, lust clouding your mind with nothing but the good sensations despite feeling guilt gnaw at the pit of your stomach.

That does not deter you from purchasing the euphoria coursing through your body when you rock your hips again, his clothed cock rubbing deliciously against you till the point your words get slurred.

This is not the right place for this kind of situation to be unfolding. You both are too exposed for anyone to walk into, and the least he wants is to show the other agents the boner he is sporting right now. Besides, he is sure to go feral with anger if anyone dares to see you this disheveled and flustered. 

This sight is for him alone.

Claiming his mouth, your hand let go of his hair to reach for his belt, unbuckling it quickly. Yoru freezes when your hand goes into his trousers to grab at his dick shamelessly, thumb running over the head of his cock. Gasping, he hides his blushing face in the crook of your neck, hips thrusting in tandem to your slow pumps to rile him up. 

“You feel so hot.” you whisper in his ear. He bites your neck and sucks on the skin to have his mouth occupied. “You are so hard, love.”

He gasps when you twist your wrist and your thumb runs over the head of his cock again, spreading the pre-cum and messily using it as a lube to pump your hand faster on his shaft. You feel him twitch in your hand when you accelerate the pace and tremble when his warm breath hits your cheek in gasps. 

“Faster…” he mutters, groaning. The timbre of his voice lowers a few octaves, and it's of immediate urgency to keep listening to more. “Shit, go faster.”

You indulge in his request, hand moving to a faster pace, and feeling the veins protruding on his cock between your fingers. Your mouth glues to his neck, nibbling it softly and biting down, hard, until a mark is visible against his pale skin. 

The schlik-schlik sounds in the background are filthy to the ears, Yoru feels his face flush up with embarrassment to have been reduced to a puddle of lust and trembling legs from the overwhelming sensations.

Pushing him away, Yoru groans in frustration because he was close to being ripped to the seams with the upcoming orgasm. The momentum is gone, and he is not sure whether to be angry at you or beg you to please keep going.

But by the time he decides what to do, you’re already on your knees, pulling down his pants until his member is freed from its confines and your mouth sucks on his cock with an invigorated enthusiasm that has him grasping the counter for leverage.

His right hand goes to the roots of your hair, pulling and pushing your head in tandem with the thrusting of his hips. Yoru abuses your mouth to his liking, chasing after the little fire burning him on his lower abdomen and to let loose. 

Groaning, his eyes roll to the back of his head when your tongue comes into play, licking the underside of his dick with each stroke of your mouth. Yoru leaves your head to hold his weight with both of his hands onto the counter, knees weak and breath taken away.

You use your hand to keep the stimulation going, giving you time to catch some air and glare at him from down there. Despite having his face flushed, sweat rolling down his temple and trembling under your touch, he dares smirk at you, as if he has gotten away with something he’s been wanting to do for a long time.

“You fucking brat.” you whisper, mouth latching onto the side of his cock and your free hand toying with his balls.

Yoru whimpers, he fucking whimpers, the moment your mouth sucks on the head of his dick and your hands wrap around the rest of his member with fast strokes, bobbing your head up and down, and timing it with his weak thrusts, you hum, vibrations running up his cock deliciously.

You try to close your legs while kneeling, trying to get some friction to alleviate the pressure on your lower belly and the need to touch yourself; but you are prioritizing Yoru’s pleasure above else right now, enjoying his salty taste in your mouth and gulping down the pre-cum gathering with your spit.

“Fuck!” he curses. His hips stutter wildly, head thrown back and eyes closed when the sudden rush of euphoria courses through his body. 

Yoru cums inside your mouth moaning your name and gasping for air.

He holds your head with a tight grip, spurting his seed inside your mouth in big spurts until you have no other option but to swallow it, choking on his cock when the tip hits the back of your throat. 

Yoru rides his orgasm as if his life depended on it, breathless and hitting a high point where his noises couldn’t be contained. 

Backing off, Yoru slides down next to you, breathing heavily and slumping against your form in defeat and burrowing his head on your neck, nuzzling it affectionately. Is funny how he seeks physical contact like a little cat, voiceless and going for it.

You’re coughing up harshly, part of his cum still drooling to the side of your lips.

“You owe me one.” You say, knocking your heads together. 

He only hums, satisfaction oozing out of him, and cleans the corner of your mouth with his thumb.

“You can cash in right now, baby girl.”

Trembling, you look to the side, bashful, “Don’t get all flirty with me now.” Giving him a brief glance, you blush when you see his dick still out of his pants and butt naked against the floor. “You fucking idiot, put on your pants!”

Yoru laughs softly, nuzzling your neck and kissing the pulse with gentleness. You can’t help but sigh at his change in demeanor.

“I’ll do so if you promise to come to my room with me.” his lips caress the shell of your ear, kissing it. You give a surprised giggle at that. “Hm, what do you say?”

x    x    x    x

The moment your back hits the bed, Yoru is taking your pants away, pulling them with carefulness but urgency in his actions until you are bare from the waist down. He messily takes your shoes, too, and you save half the work by unbuttoning your shirt and unclasping your brassier so you can be bare for him.

Yoru is grunting, snarling almost like an animal, when he pounces on you and his lip attaches to your neck with ferociousness, biting and sucking harshly on the skin till it reddens. He makes room between your legs, your glistering folds rubbing against his jeans while he cages you against the bed and devours you with hunger.

Your hand tugs at his hair, finding out that he seems to like the rough treatment as much as you do, and your legs closes around his waist, grinding against him in search of some friction to alleviate yourself.

His right hand palms over your breast, fingertips running over your nipples while his mouth makes way to your other breast, sucking in with the same fervor he did with your marked neck. Biting softly on your nipple, his tongue flattens against your skin, licking it up and sucking until you curve your back, shrieking from the sudden action.

“Again-!” You plead, hips stuttering, and hands holding onto the sheets by your head. “Again, Ryo, please.”

He does as you say. Mouth sucking on your breast while his hand toys with your nipple. The left hand that was holding onto your waist goes straight to your core, fingers pressing against the outer lips but not entering, teasing you with gentle strokes, pads running softly over your clit but is not enough.

You need more.

“Ryo, I swear to fucking god if you don’t put that mouth to work I’m going to kill you.” Grabbing him by his hair, you pull, hard, and the motherfucker has the nerve to give you a cheeky grin, licking his lips. 

“You’re gonna regret that, sweetheart.”

Yoru moves out of the way until he is sitting on the floor right next to the bed, and with a strong pull, he takes your legs to rest above his shoulder and hands hold you by the waist tightly.

Before you could utter a word, nervous, he dives into your pussy, licking up a stripe with harshness that has you trembling under his touch. You moan his name shamelessly, gasping for air when he sucks on your little nub of nerves and his fingers prod on your entrance.

Coated in your juices, two of his fingers slide in easily, pumping them in and out slowly, and dragging his pads against your walls and timing it with his sucks. Being pressed between your legs and eating you out has to be one of the best things in the world, and he cannot begin to describe how aroused and hard you’re making him with your taste and moans coming from your mouth.

Your hands tangle in his hair, swapping between pulling at his roots or pushing his head to drown in your folds. Your hips are moving against his mouth erratically, riding in the feeling of his fingers and tongue on your pussy, wearing you down with each stroke of his appendage.

“Ryo, Ryo- Ah!” Head thrown back, you gasp when his fingers leave your hole to replace it with his mouth, tongue abusing your entrance rapidly and fingers going to your clitoris to rub them in tandem.

Stars were starting to cloud your vision, feeling the tight knot on your belly so close to snapping you can feel the orgasm tethering on the brim. Your hands travel to your chest, touching yourself with eagerness while being watched by your lover. You can almost feel his smile against your pussy, enjoying the show, which only riles you up.

But before you could combust and cum all over his face, Ryo makes distance, pushing you away but not before giving a last lick to your outer lips, legs trembling on each side of his face, that he smirks up at you.

“We haven’t finished yet, little minx.”

Furious for being denied of your climax, you punch him in the chest, “Fucking shit, Ryo! I was so fucking close-”

“Shhh,” he silences you, kissing your mouth with your taste on his tongue. He looks disheveled, raw, it makes you drip with want. His hands hovers over your perky nipples, flicking them with a devious smile playing on his lips. “It only gets better now.”

He strips down easily, throwing his jacket to the side of the bed while taking his shoes off. Pulling down his pants, you see his cock fully erect and bouncing slightly against his abs, flushed red with the tip smeared with his pre-cum. 

He pumps his cock a few times, pushing you against the mattress and devouring the sight as if you were a meal.

His chest is pressed against yours, leaning down to gently lay his lips to yours, and holding his weight with both of his arms on either side of your head. Yoru doesn't notice your tiny hand making its way to his cock, too concentrated on your lips and the hand pulling on his hair.

Guiding his dripping cock to your entrance, you open your legs to accommodate him easily and, with the help of your legs, you push him inside.

The head of his member breaches your entrance, a shiver runs down your spine when he bullies his way inside you slowly, walls clamping down on him and pulsating with lust running down your veins. 

Yoru groans in unison with you when he's fully in, your legs holding him in place to make the feeling of being connected this deeply last longer.

Touching your face, Yoru rests his forehead against yours, breaths intermingling in soft pants. Cupping his face, your thumbs run down his cheekbones, looking deeply into his eyes before kissing his lips in a soft peck.

“I love you,” You whisper, eyes clouded with love and affection. Smiling, he kisses your cheek.

Yoru slowly distances himself, pulling his hips away until the tip of his member is the only thing still in contact with your vagina, before thrusting hard into you. The sound of skin against skin is deafening, dirty and exciting for both who are enjoying this act of love, jolting with waves of .

His hips continue to move in a slow but steady rhythm, causing your begs and moans to rush out of your mouth hurriedly. Yoru is nothing but giving, accelerating the pace to your liking and watching in amusement the change in expression on your face.

Shouting his name, Yoru can't take it anymore. The speed increases, pelvis against pelvis, sweat rolling down your chest and seeing your breasts bounce with each thrust into your cunt only makes him lose control.

Nevermind the soft and calm Yoru from before, the moment your moans got to him is when he finally lets loose his mouth.

“You like that, huh? You fucking slut.” Grunting, he raises your legs to rest on his shoulders and bends you over in half. You can’t help but whine in embarrassment because of this position and the words uttered by him. “I bet Gekko didn't fuck you like this, right? I bet he doesn't even know how to please a woman.” 

Your walls clench painfully around his cock at his words. Yoru's eyes roll to the back of his head when your entrance gets tighter, sucking him in. With one of his hands, he starts masturbating you with fast flicks of his wrist, timing it with his thrusts rapidly. 

“Does he even know how good you taste? Or how filthy you are, sucking cock like a desperate whore?” Licking up your neck, he whispers in your ear, “Imagine if he were to see you like this, being fucked by me and cumming around my cock.”

“Ryo, I'm so close, please, so close!” You gasp, feeling your climax approach rapidly with how good Ryo is drilling into you.

“I'm going to fill that pussy of yours with my cum so everyone will know you belong to me.” he warns, a wicked smile tugging on his lips. “I'm going to mark every inch of your body as mine, understood? You’re going to be a good girl and take it all.”

Nodding, your hands hold onto his back, nails running down his back in an attempt to ground yourself, “Your good girl, yes-”

Yoru grunts heavily, loading his cum inside of you and fucking his seed deep inside with weak thrusts, riding his orgasm with closed eyes and mouthing your neck with lovebites. You follow soon after, the stimulation of his cock pushing in his cum and his fingers pressing against your clit is enough to send you over the edge and finally break, moaning his name and hips stuttering with the waves of the climax.

Slumping on top of you, he breathes heavily, trying to get in some air and enjoying the post-orgasmic experience with your hands brushing the hair out of his face gently.

You kiss the top of his head, smooching your way down until all you can reach is his forehead. He hums, raising his eyes and locking gazes silently.

“Are you okay?” you ask.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

Sticking your tongue out, you pinch on the bare skin of his shoulder, making him jolt in surprise and glare at you with a pout. 

Yoru hovers over your body, resting his body weight on his arms and gives you a peck on the lips before standing up and going to the adjacent bathroom to bring a wet towel. Rolling to your stomach, you cross your arms under your head and watch him walk around freely and naked, admiring the view immensely.

His muscles ripple when he bends over to reach for the towel, watching his back with the mark of your nail alongside scars from past battles. You’ve never noticed, but Yoru with his hair down was a whole nother person to see, giving his sharp features a softer look with his hair framing his eyes and a boyish look that has you melting on the inside.

When he sees you ogling him shamelessly, he can’t help the flush on his cheeks and shyness for being this vulnerable in front of you. He throws the towel to your head to distract himself; that body of yours is enticing in every way possible, and he doesn’t want to look too eager to keep going.

“You’re a degenerate, clean yourself up.”

Laughing, you take the towel and lay down between his pillows to clean between your legs carefully. “Says the pervert who called me, what was it? A whore for your cock? A slut? Your words were colorful there, Ryo.”

Yoru grunts, sitting next to you on bed and stealing the towel from your hands. He makes you scoot closer and starts scooping out the cum oozing from your vagina with gentleness and avoiding it touching his sheets. 

The pressure he applies is enough to spark a new wave of heat on your lower abdomen, biting your lower lip to refrain from sighing out loud when the fabric stimulates you.

His fingers clean the remaining of both of your cum with a gentle brush, fingers caressing around your clit softly and watching your flustered expression focus on what his hands are doing.

Wanting to tease you, he applies pressure on the little nub, making circular motions to heighten the tension and sees you throw your head back. You whine, hips raising to seek the touch desperately. Moving your hand on top of his, you guide his movements from up and down, making his thumb tease your hole and your hips roll against both of your hands.

“Someone wants more of this pervert.” He mutters.

“Ryo…”

Kissing your legs, he licks his lips, discarding the towel to the side and making his way to your core slowly.

“Here comes round two, love.”

[soulsisterif]

Progress Update 18/12/2024

First of all, Merry Christmas to all of you celebrating, and Happy Holidays for those just enjoying the season.

Wow, I look back at this past year and I wish I'd had more time to write because I have certainly not achieved as much as I had hoped.

I've been scrolling through the blog and, girl, so many things have changed as I developed the idea... When I first started writing this game I thought I would release the demo in, like, a month tops, and that it would be about 5k or 10k words.

And yet, here we are in December, 80k words in just counting Chapter One's file. To be fair, I could probably have released the demo as a teaser many months ago, but at that point the only character you would have interacted with is Dawn, and there would be no romance in sight, so it felt kind of better to just wait. Still, I'm kind of disappointed in myself that I haven't managed to finish Chapter One.

The demo has changed a lot since May, particularly in the last three months. Most of the changes revolve about how I wrote Abbie into the story, and I must say that I personally like it better now.

I've played games that give you your bestie as an RO before, and some of them left me a little indifferent. Even when the routes were well written and interesting, they didn't feel any different from the others. That made me see that I had to do a rewrite because I realized that there was no point in offering a best friend to romance if the character was presented the same way other ROs were. I had to give you snippets of Abbie's shared past with MC during the interview with Dawn, and more interactions with her during the process of signing up to enter the show, all of that before meeting the rest of the cast. If their bond rings hollow, what's the appeal in a friends-to-lovers route, right?

Unfortunately, this also meant taking some scenes out altogether, and changing the way I introduced stats, since I needed to know your MC's personality early on so that I could write her behaviour in flashbacks accordingly. Basically, the way I first structured Chapter One was unusable.

Some of the scenes I added are short, and others, considering all variables and flavour text, are like 4k words. You can even unlock special interactions or references, later on. Unique tattoos, inside jokes, specific gestures, fond memories, special places... The kind of thing that you would share with someone who's been close to you your whole life.

With that out of the way...

What's new:

• Some choices will block romance. You can choose to be shown which ones they are and they'll be marked with an x. As an example, the first one you'll encounter very soon into the game. If your MC is in her 40s, Vega's romance will be blocked.

• You can pick some family background for the MC.

• There were initially unique scenes for each pre-set names and the custom name. They now share the same scene that gives you another glimpse of Abbie and MC's past, as well as Abbie's relationship with her mother. The deleted scenes will be used later on in the story. I like them too much to let them go completely LOL

• I've added two new stats: Empathetic/Clueless & Easygoing/Hardass. Stats have changed, if slightly, since the first posts I made about them. Right now, things are:

• Since she has a nickname for your MC, MC will now be able to give one to Abbie, too.

• Abbie and MC can be roommates.

And that's it. I'm so sorry that it's taking me sooooo long to write this game. Thank you all for sticking with me, despite my lack of posting!

I'll also try to answer some of the asks that have been sitting in my inbox for a while. I might not answer all of them but they always mean a lot, so thanks for sending them in :D

[silvervioletvalentine]

🦋Whenever , Wherever, we’re meant to be together! Part 2! 🦋

Pairing: Quinn Hughes x OC Spanish popstar!Lina Valentina.

Word count : 10k

Summary: in which its a year later and it’s time for him to meet lina’s parents, including her over protective father Carlos.

A/N : another Quinn oneshot. Sorry dudes , I promise I’m still gonna write for f1 drivers but I’m on a hockey obsession again at the moment so..yeah. Sorry (not sorry) but you’ll have to put up with a couple more Quinn ones then I’ll get back to it. Promise xoxo

Lina could only smirk in slight amusement to herself as she got ready for the day, trying to focus on rubbing her skincare creams and lotions onto her skin when she noticed Quinn hovering by the bathroom door, leaning against the frame with a small pout on his face as he watched her , quietly.

Still, he didn't say anything . Just watching her pull out a brush as she pulled her hair back into a sleek braid for their plane ride back home.

Sighing loudly as she finally acknowledged him, meeting his gaze in the mirror in front of her with a small smile tugging at her mouth .

"I know I'm beautiful Q but you're drilling holes into my face. Get a camera." She teased him, chuckling as she fondly watched as his cheeks immediately went a dark pink at being caught out, having thought that he was being subtle in his staring.

He was not. He never was. Not when it came to Lina.

It filled her chest with butterflies to know that even a year on, she still managed to have such a schoolgirl effect on him. She only fell in love with him more and more everyday , each nervous laugh, each wandering gaze , each shy smile and sweet embrace , the way he was unable to go too long without touching her in some sort of way...all of it only endeared him to her further.

He was the one. There was no doubt about it.

She had already started daydreaming about their future wedding , wondering if she could somehow convince Quinn to wear a different suit that the same one he always wore to conferences and such . She imagained him in a cool grey, fitted suit with a slight unbuttoned white shirt underneath and sighed dreamily , feeling dazed just at the thought of him.

That's my man. She smiled , pleased, as she looked back up to her reflection just in time to see Quinn averting his eyes back from his feet , where they had fell to shyly at her teasing comment.

"Does your dad own any weapons babe?" He asked her worriedly , having spent the past few days in a constant loop of panic and stomach aches , ever since it was revealed to him that he would be coming home to Madrid with her to finally meet her parents.

Lina had tried putting it off for him for long enough now , but it had been a year of being together and even moving in together in her apartment , her mother was getting antsy with her the longer she refused to let them meet her new boyfriend.

He was The first serious guy she had gotten with since the whole baby daddy fiasco. So it was only warranted that they would be anxious and impatient about meeting Quinn, especially since she spoke so highly about him, always casually dropping his name into any conversation around her . It just came naturally to her now. It drove people around her mad sometimes..

Like when her friend told her about a cute linen dress that she thought Lina would look pretty in, Lina had beamed and replied "it looks so cute! Oh my god, they do a men's selection! Q would look so cute in white linens . Actually he would look good in all the colours . I'm gonna get them all. Then me and Quinn can match!" She had gushed before rushing off back into the store to purchase both her and Quinn matching sets of clothes , her friend left blinking at where she had just been stood in disbelief.

It usually went something like that now. But oh well. It wasn’t a crime to love her boyfriend so much that everything came back to him, was it?

He was apart of her world now, of course she was going to mention him any chance she got. She thought that Quinn was amazing , and she wanted everybody else to know that too.

'You'll really like this pasta!' She would reply at lunch with friends "I would as well but it's too spicy for Quinn. Let's make two but add more cheese for mi amor."

She had gone completely soft for him, her usual 'guys ain't shit, I want nothing to do with them. I'm going to become a nun before I fall in love again' attitude , was now nowhere to be seen.

But looking at Quinn's worried eyes , seeing him biting his nails with anxiety had her whole demeanour softening.

Yeah. He was the one. He had her heart. He could keep it forever. She knew that she would be holding onto his tenderly forever too.

She reached back, eyes still down to the vanity table as she looked through which skincare syrum she wanted to use that morning, gently pulling his hand away from his Mouth before he could make his nail beds bleed again .

"He does not." She simply replied, amused by how scared Quinn was to meet her parents , considering the fact that her mother had taken to calling and messaging Quinn almost everyday to make sure that he was okay.

She would love to see his reaction if her father called him up out of the blue like that, it would be hilarious no doubt. The first time her mother had demanded Lina to give her her new boyfriends number , she had gotten to watch as poor Quinn's face paled when her mother's loud and annoyed voice rang down the line.

He had looked up at her in panic, eyes blown wide in shock as his mouth dropped open in absolute disbelief.

"what the fuck?" He mouthed at Lina panicking , his girlfriend too busy giggling as she made them something to eat in the kitchen.

“You gave your mother my phone number?!" He whisper shouted at her in exasperation , Lina just winking at him mischievously, enjoying every second of it.

"Quinn? That's your name? American?" Maria , her mother, immediately started to shootout her curious questions at him loudly. Pausing between them to yell something out to her husband that sounded suspiciously like 'she wasn't joking! I hear the accent! My poor heart!'.

Quinn didn't know what to say, heart pounding in his chest as he looked helplessly over at Lina , this being the first time he had had any contact with her parents at all.

They had been dating for six months at that point and her mama had enough of her hiding him away, so she decided to take matters into her own hands. By forcing her daughter to give her his number so she could smother him, already treating him like he was one of her own kids .

"Yes. It's Quinn. Er-American . I guess." He confirmed quietly , eyes still wide in shock as he heard her mother inhaled sharply , sounding a little too much like grief .

He smiled a little in amusement without realising , knowing just where Lina got her drama from now .

Lina had already warned him about her parents dramatics , about how exaggerated everything they did and said was. She had told him to just go with it, that they meant no harm. It was just the way they were.

Quinn thought it was both funny and terrifying , unsure if they were joking or not. The last thing he wanted to do was laugh at something her parents had said only to find out a little too late that they weren’t joking at all.

She muttered something in Spanish before sighing loudly .

“Quinn. You play sports? Lina tells me that you get hurt a lot? Will you die? Is this something we need to worry about?" She rushed out in concern, having spent the night googling him and seeing all the pictures of poor Quinn getting injured on the ice all the night .

Her mother almost had a heart attack. Used to lina's boyfriends either being football players or European models , some chefs.. none of them American. And none of them needing to wear head gear to protect their skull for work. Maria was worried sick.

Quinn chuckled a little bit , face softening as he heard the concern in her mother’s voice. Accent thicker than lina's was. He wondered if the more time Lina spent in Madrid , the more she would sound like home.

He knew that at some point Lina would want to go back home for longer periods of time , having told him herself that if he wanted to be in her life for a long time , then he better start practising his Spanish.

So far it hasn't been going too well , although he was certain that he could curse fluently in Spanish now , seeing as the love of his life has a motormouth like a sailer when she was even slightly annoyed. Everybody knew.

"No, no. I'll be okay.. it's usually my nose if I'm honest. It's apart of the sport unfortunately. And the teeth-" he tried to play it down for lina's mother sake, wincing a little in regret when she let out a sharp gasp at his words .

She sounded absolutely Horrified "teeth?! No! You keep them in your mouth,  I will not have it! I'm cooking for you when you and Lina come here, you need to keep all of your teeth in your mouth , por favor! Are you trying to kill me? American boy!" She ranted on, muttering about how there was no way she would be feeding him only soup and that he better keep them or else.

He laughed, finally relaxing a little as he peered over to the kitchen to see Lina feeding Juan his food , his eyes softening as he gazed at them with love in his eyes, so overwhelmed with it.

"Sorry. I'll make sure to have all my teeth in when you see me." He tried to joke, amused as he realised just where Lina got her dramatics from.

A few weeks ago when he had gotten a cut to his head while on the ice, he had come home to a furious Lina giving him the silent treatment .

Because apparently him getting a puck to the face was his fault and it was also his fault for scaring her. She had chucked an ice pack, a packet of painkillers and a flannel at him before stomping away. Refusing to speak to him until he had physically picked her up, pulled her into his arms to apologise for scaring her, wiping the tears from her pretty eyes as he promised her that he was okay.

She had started to come to more of his games after that, bringing a genuine smile to his face when he skated past and heard her cursing out someone from the opposite team loudly, if they even so much as bashed into him, she went all mama mode.

Quinn had been forced to tell her to stop calling the other team 'useless sperm and brainless bastards' before she got herself kicked out. No matter how much he enjoyed hearing her defend him in her slightly unhinged ways.

It was the thought that counts.

Even little Juan had started making outraged noises when he saw Quinn take a hit or push, the two year old gasping and yelling nonsense , or just his name over and over again, little finger pointing at whoever had hurt him as he shouted 'bad! Bad! Bad!' At them over and over again.

Lina encouraging her baby to scold the asshole with a proud look upon her face, easily ignoring the shocked or horrified looks that she received from around her. Only caring about Quinn .

She was protective of him, now her mother was too and he hadn't even met her face to face yet. It was...nice. To know that they cared so much about him but it still didn't manage to ease up his nerves about meeting them whatsoever.

"You're going to be okay amor. I promise. My mama already loves you. She sent you a first aid kid after watching your game on tv didn't she?" Lina remained him with a amused smile as she pulled him over to her, pushing him down on his shoulders so that he would sit on the closed toilet seat in front of her.

Grabbing some cleanser , she gently rubbed it over his face in soft circles , Quinn just letting her as he let out a soft sigh. Fingers fidgeting with the ends of her cotton shorts.

"She did. But your dad didn't. I haven't spoken to him at all. Except for that...email." He muttered , a little amused but mostly wary of the strangely business like email he had randomly received from her father one night after finishing a away game.

'That kid almost broke your jaw with that stick, very good swinging. Even when it hit you , he did not drop it. Perhaps I should take up hockey , would be a good anger reliever. No?' It had read. Signed off neatly with his name and nothing else.

Quinn had panicked, not sure if it was just a mere observation or a threat from her father.

Lina had just giggled like crazy when he had rushed into their room to show her his phone, telling him that he didn't have to worry. That was just her fathers sense of humour.

But Quinn wasn't so sure. Because at the end of the day he was going to be the first man that she had brought home in a long time , the first man that she had firmly declared to them that he was her forever. That it was serious this time.

That he was the one.

And well, Lina had never had much luck with man in the past. Mostly due to her bad taste and hormonal need to get herself a bad boy to cure her boredom .

So naturally, her parents were a little concerned with her sudden lovesick smiles and dreamy sighs whenever she rambled to them about Quinn.

"He likes you! He told me that he can't wait to meet you , he's never said that about any other guy before. He used to refuse to let them in the house. I had to sneak them all in through my bedroom window-" she told him absentmindedly as she picked up some toner and gently wiped some across his face too.

He just sighed , raising a brow at her "all of them? How many were there? I thought you only had two boyfriends in the past." He questioned her, confused.

Lina laughed "yeah. I did. But they weren't boyfriends, they were sex friends. Or- what did Jack call them?" She paused to look down at him curiously , not remembering the term that they all used.

Quinn pursed his lips together firmly "fuckbuddies." He mumbled . Stomach turning at the reminder of just how popular she was with the guys. It was nothing new to him.

He had adored her for a long time , had seen all the photos of her with different guys each week in magazines . He knew that she had a reputation but sometimes he just…forgot.

Because here, now, it was just them. Nobody else. Whenever they were in a crowded room her eyes only ever looked for him. It didn't matter if fucking Michael Jordan was in front of her, she was too busy trying to make him laugh at her stupid , sometimes mean, jokes. Too busy whispering to each other like lovesick teenagers, too busy pointing out things that they saw that the other person would like.

Nobody else existed to them when they were together. Her past didn't matter because it was her, Juan and Quinn now. Her slutty days were over.

She had Quinn to blame for that. She was sucking only one dick for the rest of her life now.

Nineteen years old Lina would have laughed hysterically at the thought of being tied down to one man . But now, now she was just happy.

As simple as that.

"You look beautiful mi amor. Tan bueno (so good)" she whispered to him as she gently applied her moisturiser over his face next, rubbing it in softly in soothing circles until she felt his breathing start to Calm down again.

He gently kissed her shoulder just before she could fully pull away, blushing darkly and smiling shyly as he bit down on his bottom lip sheepishly . Glancing down at the white waffle material shirt she had gotten him , oversized with some tan pants and brand new jordans. A little gold chain with L+J hanging delicately from it on his chest.

For Lina and Juana . He never took it off now.

"I don't look stupid? I look a bit...rich. But like-pretentiously maybe?" He mumbled unsurely as he picked at the thousands of dollars shirt that she had gotten him. Loving how soft it was but not used to dressing in anything luxurious like this. A sweatshirt and jeans , or sweatpants usually did him good.

But he couldn’t deny the way his chest and face filled with warmth as he saw Lina take in a deep breath, stepping away from him as she eyed him up and down, biting down on her lip as she gazed at him , eyes turning dark as she shamelessly checked him out.

Quinn fidgeted on his feet , letting out a nervous laugh the longer she was silent .

His laugh seemingly snapping her out of her dirty thoughts as she flushed, making eye contact with him as she Whistled long and hard.

"You look so sexy. Quiero hacerte cosas sucias. Mierda..(I want to do dirty things to you. Fuck..)" she breathed out. Smoothing her hands down the soft half buttoned shirt , in awe of how good he looked right then.

He chuckled lowly , cupping the back of her head as he bent down a little so that he could kiss the side of her face gently. Pressing another two kisses above her brow for good luck. Then another on her glossy lips just because he could .

"Was that a compliment?" It sounded like one , he felt his breath hitch as he watched her smirk up at him . Lashes fluttering as she squeezed his biceps firmly , reaching up to kiss his jaw.

"It was." She soothed his worries, kissing him again before pulling away when she heard a familiar loud voice coming in. "te amo." She let him know softly.

Quinn just laughed shyly, stroking her hair once last time before pulling away. Bending down just in time to catch Juan stumbling into the bathroom, holding a Batman toy in his hand.

"Te amo. I love you." He told her in both Spanish and English. Wishing he could tell her in every language. Simply saying it didn't feel enough.

There was no words to describe how he felt for her, just feelings. Never ending ones. The kind of love that made him dizzy and his knees go weak each time she smiled at him like that.

"Quinny! Looookkkk!" Juan shouted , laughing loudly as he picked him up. Proudly showing him his toy "I'm Batman!" He tried to do the voice. Looking at him impatiently as he waited for him to laugh.

Quinn did, running his fingers through the two years old hair gently to detangle the knots. Juan having decided to go on a hairdresser ban just like Quinn had, now Lina had two of them looking like scruffy rockstars with their outgrown hair and messy style.

They were lucky she loved them. She shook her head in amusement as she looked at what Juan was wearing , Quinn having been the one to get him ready that morning while she finished packing their bags.

"Really Quinn? Another one? It's all he wears now!" She laughed as she looked at juans Canucks jersey with Quinn's number and name all over it, with black basketball shorts underneath . A cap placed backwards on his head just like Quinn's .

She almost had a stroke. Glaring at her giggling boyfriend in exasperation. He just couldn't help himself could he?

He just shrugged proudly , straightening out said jersey on the two year old contently. "So? He looks cool. He's repping the best player out there. Aren't you buddy?" He tickled Juan's tummy , grinning proudly when he nodded his head happily. Squealing as he tried to wiggle away.

"Si! Si! I'm going to play too!" He happily announced to his mother , making Quinn freeze with a guilty wince.

She gasped loudly , horrified "you are not! You have a beautiful nose ..and face ! And your teeth mi amor! No!" She felt faint as she clutched her chest dramatically . Narrowing her eyes over at Quinn dangerously , knowing exactly who had been putting this idea in his head.

He chuckled nervously , patting little mans back to get Him to shut up as he grinned innocently at Lina "no. He's just- he's kidding aren't you bud?" He rose a brow down at Juan pointedly , Juan just blinked up at him in confusion .

“He's kidding."

He was not.

Little guy already loved watching hockey and Quinn couldn't wait to get him into skates . To be able to teach him everything he knew, it was going to be amazing . His little mini him. And even though Juan wasn't his biologically , that didn't mean Jack shit to him.

Because for the past year the two of them had bonded , had spent almost everyday together , Lina And Juan travelled with him to as many away games as they could , and the two year old loved it. Loved him.

Quinn don't care what anybody else thought , he knew that he loved Lina and Juan unconditionally, and that wasn't going to fade anytime soon. They were his future now. Everybody else could suck it.

Even if he lost on the ice, he was winning of it so..it made the sting fade pretty damn quick when he was greeted with their warm embrace and uplifting words to him after each game.

They were his family now .

"Don't worry. You're gonna be just as good as me. Juan the star. Like your mama." He mumbled down to the two year in his arms as he wandered out of the bathroom with him , to put on his shoes and sunscreen before Lina tried to kill him again for letting little man out of the house without it.

A plane ride later and Quinn was back to panicking as they parked up outside of a large bungalow style home in what looked to the be there middle of no where , feeling his heart racing in his chest as he lingered by the car while Lina got a sleeping Juan out of his seat.

"I'm going to be sick." He muttered dreadfully , wiping the sweat gathering on his hairline with a shaky hand. Wafting his now stifling shirt with the other . 

He was scared shitless. In Madrid. Oh god.

Lina just giggled as she pushed his sweaty hair away from his forhead , handing him a candy bar with the other. "It's the heat. You can take off your shirt if you want to cool down more." She suggested , more for herself than anything.

Quinn wasn't as amused, shooting her a Look of disbelief as he clutched at the candy bar in his hand.

"You want me to be shirtless as I meet your Parents? Are you trying to get me killed? Lina!" He hissed after her as she casually walked down the long driveway to the door, Quinn quickly scuttling after her.

Reaching over to snatch up her free hand to hold, clinging onto her fingers tightly as he tried to remember how to breath . The anxiety about what was going to happen about to kill him.

Lina just gently kissed his shoulders, face softening sympathetically "Quinn. Stop it. Everything is going to be okay. Just don't mention football-" before she could finish her warning , the front door swung open.

Quinn freezing in his spot as a short , dark haired woman looked up at him with wide eyes, gasping loudly as she clutched a tea towel to her chest.

"A vampire!" She almost screeched in fright. Looking like she had seen a ghost, or someone as pale as one.

She looked horrified as she looked at poor Quinn who looked helplessly to his girlfriend , Lina just giggling hysterically as she nudged past her mother to get inside their home to put Juan down now that he was sleep.

"Oh no! Come on! Come on! What happened? You allergic to the sun?" She ushered him in , clutching onto Quinn's arm as she dragged him through the house and towards the back patio doors.

Lina just waving at him with a amused giggle, having already expected this reaction from her mother for bringing home a very pale American boy.

He flushed pink , letting her drag him out to the garden , trying not to laugh at the genuine worry on the older woman's face .

“No. No- just don't get out as much I guess." He didn't know what to say. Instead letting her mother just Mother him instead.

Maria huffed as she pushed him down onto a chair , shaking her head at him. "Not good at all! You sit here, you get some colour! You can't go scaring people like that! What will the neighbours think?" She pulled out some sunscreen from her apron and clutched his face tightly on one hand, roughly applying it all over his face while Quinn spluttered.

Squeezing his eyes shut to stop it getting in his eyes as she roughly patted it all over his face , tutting at him as she did so.

“I don't get tan. I just burn. I'll go red." He tried to warn her, more than amused now as she lifted up his arms to apply sunscreen there too.

He peered over Maria's shoulders to see Lina by the back door, leaning against it with a amused smirk on her face while holding up her phone as she videoed him getting scolded and smothered by her mother , no doubt going to send it to his brothers and their friends back home.

Maria just patted his head, "yes you will. You're not leaving until I see health! Lina pass me the sun oil! And a bandana too!" She shouted over to her giggling  daughter who immediately did as she was told, passing her the magic oil with a grin.

Her mother narrowed her eyes at her "you let this happen? He looks -paper! I could write a letter on his face!" She scolded her accusingly .

Lina just laughed "mama! I like him as he is! He's my Casper! So cute!" She cooed at him. Enjoying the offended look on her poor boyfriends face as her mother manhandled him .

"Lina.." Quinn exclaimed , offended "Casper the ghost? Seriously?!"

She snorted "I love Casper and I love you so shut up and get tanning mi amor. You whine too much." She bantered back at him. Used to their bickering and back and forth back home.

Her mother was not. Maria gasped loudly "be kind! He is your partner , not your secret lover! I remember how you used to treat those boys when you were younger Lina! So mean!" She scolded her. Making Quinn laugh loudly .

"Yeah Lina. Be nice to me." He smirked over at her, one eye closed as her mother slapped oil all over his face as well. He felt like a Christmas Turkey about to be cooked. But he wasn't going to say anything.

Inhaling deeply , she rolled her eyes at him before turning around just As her father came to the door, pausing by the doorframe as his eyes wandered from his daughter and then over to the supposed 'love of her life' that she had not stopped gushing about to them.

He frowned , titling his head a little as he watched his wife wrap a bandana around the poor Quinn's head, making him grimace as she tightened it too much.

He looked worried as he looked at his only daughter with concern written all over his face "my love..Is he sick? It's not a good idea to travel when sick, I don't want to get sick." He worried "is he contagious?"

Used to her parents dramatics, Lina just laughed as she hugged her father tightly . Carlos kissing the top of her head fondly as he embraced her with a happy sigh , having missed her while she was gone.

"No papa. He is well. Very well in fact.." she sighed dreamily as she gazed over at her boyfriend now being forcefully fed by her overbearing mother who had now moved onto complaining about him not eating enough , despite this being the first time she had even met him .

Thankfully , Quinn had somewhat expected something like this to happen, the constant texts and inpatient phone calls with Maria demanding to know if they were both eating well and keeping hydrated letting him know that she took her motherly duties very seriously. Even if she was in a completely different country.

"Thank you for sending me those recipes by the way.." Quinn spoke up shyly after a few moments of Maria plating up some food for him , fidgeting with the evil eye bracelet on his wrist that Lina had made them all wear , even his own brothers had to as well.

Maria smiled at him , pleased with his politeness as she took a seat opposite him, ready to get to know her daughters new forever better. She had never seen Her baby so in love before, so she wanted to see for herself just why Lina had chosen Quinn out of all the men she could have had . The pale American boy had been the one she looked twice at and never turned away from since.

Her mother had been surprised , a little catious and more than confused at first , but now as she watched Quinn take small glances over at her daughter with a small smile playing on his lips each time he heard her laugh and seen her smile , Maria began to realise that perhaps Lina was right.

This might be it for her. For him.

He might be the one that mothers like Maria had wished for and prayed for their daughters to find their whole lives.

"You tried making them?" She inquired , proud to know that she had been of help.

Lina had offhandedly mentioned one time on the phone that Quinn had been trying to learn how to cook more Spanish dishes for her but was struggling.

Maria's instincts had kicked in and after a hour long phone call with a startled Quinn , she had sent him more than enough family recipes to last a lifetime. Telling him to call her if he got lost in them, helping him whenever he had a question , their odd and sparse texts with Quinn sheepishly asking her if he had gotten the right onion or the right type of flour for the recipe , had endeared him even more to her .

He had been passing the mothers tests with flying colours , Maria could already hear the wedding bells in the distance . She hid her smile behind her fingers , watching as Quinn fiddled with his fork like a nervous kid , smiling up at her briefly before looking away.

"Yeah I did." He nodded his head in confirmation "we have date night every Friday and Saturday. We take turns . And Lina seems happy each time she ate what I cooked so.." he let out a small chuckle "I think it's been going okay. She hasn't thrown up yet so that's a good sign." He tried to joke , squinting from the hot sun blaring down on his oiled up skin.

Maria hummed proudly "very good. You know..my husband has bought me flowers every week since we were eighteen years old." She spoke fondly of Carlos, both of them peering over at her father who was still standing by the door with Lina , talking with smiles on their faces as they embraced .

Quinn smiled fondly , struggling to take his eyes of Lina as he watched the sun shine down on her , highlighting the short , flowy white dress she was wearing, her curls long down her back as she gently ran her fingers through the ends , seeing the golden locket that he had gotten her resting against her chest , shining beautifully , he let out a happy sigh. Unable to believe that this was his life now.

For so long he had posters on his wall of Lina, now their apartment had a wall full of photographs of them together.

He felt like he was in a dream , one that he never wanted to wake up from.

"Lina loves flowers too. I think that we'll end up having a garden full of flowers in the future. She really loves them all. I got her marigolds last week and she's been pressing them to keep them forever. It's nice.." he mumbled a little shyly , perking up when he heard a familiar screech of his name.

Head snapping over to the backdoor to see that Juan had woken up, the two year old stumbling as fast as he could over to him. Quinn laughing a little as he reached down to pick him up, placing him onto his knee as Juan shoved a Batman figure into his face excitedly.

"Oh wow!" He gasped playing along as he gently ruffled his hair "it's Batman! Is he being a hero again?"

Juan grinned up at him happily "si! We can play at home. You Spider-Man." He practically demanded.

The two of them having spent hours playing every game imaginable. Lately Juan had gotten into avengers after sitting with Quinn on the couch while he watched it. Anything that he liked, Juan did too. It made his chest warm as he smiled down at the little boy on his lap, pressing a kisss to the side of his head affectionately.

"Deal." As he continued to converse and play with Juan, he missed the look of softness and approval he got from Maria as she watched her grandson and future son in law get lost in their own world together. Quinn not hesitating to let himself be dragged away to play with the excited two year old, the happiness clear on both of their faces as they played.

Maria beamed happily and looked up to the sky "whoever did this. I will owe you a lifetime! You did well!"

"Quintin , you play?" Carlos, her father , finally approached him after not so subtly watching the hockey player play with his two year old grandson outside on the sandpit. Trying to find a moment to catch him off guard and find out who he really was and what his intentions with his daughter were.

Lina was his only daughter, his star , his life. He would only accept the best for her, nothing less. Carlos had spent years accepting the fact that Lina would probably end up with some European guy, a footballer or a some Spanish male model.

His daughter had a type . Tall, tanned and built like Greek gods , loud and confident . A real smooth talker with the charm of a rich man who knew just what he wanted . And usually what they wanted was his daughter.

Carlos had always thought that the day Lina brought home a boyfriend , it would be somebody that the family already knew. Or somebody that their country did.

But apparently he had been wrong because Carlos was now staring down at a startled , pale , awkward American man sitting in his sandbox with little Juan in his lap, avengers figures all around them.

He just sighed long and hard, pursed his lips and repeated himself again "you play?" Impatiently raising a brow at him.

Quinn blinked and then Rapidly nodded his head, heart racing in his chest as he looked up at her intimidating father towering over him. Looking less than impressed.

Clearing his throat a little , he hugged the two year old a little closer to his chest nervously .

“Yeah. I play hockey-" he tried to smile at him, hoping to show that he wasn't a absolute dickhead like lina's long list of lovers in the past were .

But Carlos quickly cut him off, testing him "no. You play hearts? Girls? You like breaking their seeet hearts and making them cry?" His voice was tense, as though expecting him to agree and give him a casual ‘yeah. Love it!'

Quinn felt like he was going to have a heart tack as he let out a nervous laugh , quickly shaking his head no.

"No! No. Not me. I don't -no. That's more my brothers thing-" he tried to joke, tried to break the sudden tension that had fallen upon them.

Juan hitting his shoulder with an iron man figure, he briefly looked down to give him a smile, taking the Batman figure from his other hand that he wanted him to hold. "One minute little man." He mumbled to him , rubbing his arm gently to soothe him.

Seeing this, Carlos softened a little . But not much. Still on edge and more than confused at his daughter bringing home a guy that was the complete opposite of all the others before.

"You're very strange. My wife seems to think that you're good though. A little quite but ..." he shrugged loosely as he recalled his wife's praises of Quinn as she warned him to play nice with their daughters new partner.

Quinn didn't know how to take that, so he just offered an unsure smile up at him "that's-nice? I think." He muttered while slowly standing to his feet so he didn't have to keep looking up at her father like a little kid getting a scolding at school.

Hoisting juan up into his arms , the two year old giggling as he continued to play with his figure on Quinn's shoulder. Completely unbothered by how tense Quinn had gone.

Her father sighed again "yes. Very nice. Do you plan on coming home with her more often ? To Madrid I mean." He asked him curiously .

Wanting Lina to have someone that would make sure that she was happy too. That would put in the effort to make things work even from a whole different country away. That would make her his priority.

Quinn nodded slowly "yeah. I mean, we haven't talked about it but we'll kind of just be going back and forth. I like it here- a lot different than back home but its nice. “ he shrugged a little shyly , barely able to look her father in the eye. Scared he'd say something wrong and ruin the whole thing for them.

He wanted lina's parents to like him, with her mom it had been pretty easy. The woman had already been calling and texting him for months pestering him about his health , and making sure they were eating food and getting enough sleep.

Her father though ...Quinn didn't know what to say or do around him .  The man had the aura of someone that wasn't afraid to simply make you disappear if you did him or his family wrong in any way.

It was safe to say that Quinn's stomach was turning into a sickly bay of nerves and anxiety . Just wanting everything to go smoothly.

Lina was his forever and if he wanted to marry her someday soon, wanted to have their own family and be each other's future. He needed her family to like him , otherwise it was going to make for awkward weddings , tense dinners and thanksgivings .

Lina would kill him.

Carlos nodded , pleased. "Yes it is. This is serious for you? You can't mess around like this. Not when there is a beautiful child involved too." He got firm with his words as he gently brushed Juan's hair from his face. Adoring his grandson.

"I know what you American boys are like! I've seen the shows!" Her father scowled , protective of his family.

Quinn's eyes widened In panic "I am serious! I can promise you sir. The minute I saw Lina.." he hesitated to say , overcome by the emotional ball rising up his throat .

He adjusted Juan in his arms and let out a small sigh , gathering what confidence and courage he had to make sure that Carlos knew that his daughter was the light of his world now , that he would never hurt her. Never break her heart.

"Tell me." Carlos encouraged as he led him over to one of the garden benches , patting his shoulder encouragingly once he noticed him struggling for words. Realising that he may have come on a little strong and scared the poor guy, he smiled a little at him with humour "there's nothing more a father loves than hearing the love his daughter has gained." He told him sincerely , warning to hear it from his mouth that it was true. That this wasn't just some phase they were going through.

Quinn let out a shaky breath and started quietly "I knew ya know? I've admired her for what felt like all my life...and then she was there. In front of me, smiling and I just -" he let out a sheepish chuckle , shaking his head in amazement to himself as he glanced over the end of the garden to see Lina smiling with her mother as they shared some wine.

"I felt like I was dying. Like I couldn't breathe." He admitted to her father shyly , averting his eyes down to little Juan snuggled up in his arms .

He softly ran his fingers through his curly hair , the two year old humming happily as he clung onto him a little tighter. Snuggling into him with ease. Trusting Quinn completely.

"Nobody tells you that falling in love can feel like you’re having a heartattack." He muttered as colour filled his cheeks , not used to talking about his feelings out loud like this to anyone other than Lina.

Carlos laughed knowingly , smirking a little at him "oh I know that one! It was the same with my wife. I couldn’t even speak to her at first unless I had a drink or two!" He let him know , amusement colouring his voice as he watched Quinn sheepishly look up from his lap and up to him again.

Reminding him of a nervous teenager about to ask his crush to the dance , Carlos smiled . Slowly begging to relax as he realised that maybe Quinn really was just simply a good guy.

Quinn chuckled a little "she's always made me so incredibly happy. Even before I knew her. It's embarrassing. All the guys chirp me for it back home.." he muttered , adjusting the now napping two year old more comfortably on his chest. Placing his little head In the crook of his neck so it wouldn't ache at a weird angle while sleeping .

Carlos just scoffed a little "never be embarrassed for feeling love. You see so many guys that are too involved with their own pride, too afraid to seem weak to other guys around them, feel like they're too tough to show affection and to be soft.  But to be emotionally available and soft for the one that you love, that is something only a truly man can do. One that is needed to be in love and loved in return. Do you understand?" He placed a firm hand on Quinn's free shoulder, smiling at him softly .

His earlier worries being washed away just like that, he had a good feeling about this one.

Quinn nodded his head slowly as he let his wise words of encouragement sink in, feeling a small weight being lifted off from his shoulders as he looked up at lina's father and saw nothing but approval now.

"I do. I get it. I've just - I’ve never felt like this before so it's a little overwhelming. But I do, I love her. And I love Juan too. He's a cool little dude. Loves watching hockey with me so that's nice.." he rambled to him with a small laugh , affection filling him at the thought of the little Home made family he had now.

Her father grinned at him , pleased. Deciding that he wouldn’t go feeding Quinn to the sharks anytime soon.

"you hold her hand in public?" He wanted to know. Another little test.

Quinn didn't hesitate to nod his head "yeah, I do." He then let out a shy laugh "although I think it's more for my benefit than hers. She makes me feel calm. It's hard to feel down when she's holding my hand." He mumbled shyly , eyes back down to his feet.

"You rub her feet when they ache?"

"I do." He nodded. Biting back a smile.

Carlos hummed "You gave her your jacket when she's cold? You keep her warm even if it means you're not?" He asked him seriously .

Quinn chuckled "I do. But Honeslty usually it's me stealing her sweathisrts and jackets. We practically share them now. She's got good taste." He admitted, unashamed to admit that Lina was the fashionista of the two of them.

She had upgraded his wardrobe that now consisted of cool sweathisrts , designer hoodies and linen sets , all of the finest cotton. Lina liked to take care of him like that . It was nice.

Carlos's smile grew even softer , nodding his head along in satisfaction . "You hold her tight even in front of your friends? You laugh even when a joke she tells you isn’t so funny?"

Quinn smiled down at his hand resting on Juan's little head , laughing lightly as he recalled all the times that he had laughed at lina's stupid jokes, not because they were funny but because she found them to be .

She would always start giggling before she could even finish saying her joke and that was what made Quinn laugh along with her each time.

If She was happy then so was he. It really was as simple as that.

"I do." He breathed out , grinning "she try's her best. We watch a show together and even though I watched it with her , she will still repeat all of the jokes they said on tv to me." He told her father fondly , shaking his head in amusement at his girlfriends ways .

Her father just smiled and placed a hand on top of Quinn's head , ruffling his hair before he could even blink .  Letting out a loud laugh as he saw Quinn's startled reaction, his eyes snapping over to him in slight shock . Having not expected the fatherly touch like that, Carlos patted his shoulder once more before finally pulling away.

"Then you have my approval." Carlos told him simply , more than pleased with what he had learned. Feeling a weight lift off of his shoulders now that he knew that his daughter and grandson really were in good hands .

Quinn began to smile widely , letting out a loud sigh of relief "yeah? Thank god..otherwise this would have made birthdays and Christmases really awkward." He said without thinking , more tan relieved.

Carlos just chuckled "mhmm. But I gotta warn you Quinn..." he let out a dramatic breath as he gestured around the large stretch of empty land around his home .

"-one line overstepped, one tear of hurt or pain ,  or a broken heart... " he stared the poor American hockey player down seriously "you see all of this land of mine? It’s Endless.."

Quinn nodded warily , a little scared now "yeah?" Eyes growing wide as he began to realise Just where her father was going with his little speech.

He recalled lina’s reassuring laugh as she told him in a giggle that 'her father wouldn't even hurt a fly!'

Quinn swallowed audibly and realised then that perhaps Lina hadn't seen him around her other ex boyfriends before. She definitely hadn't Been around for the 'man to man' chats or the 'I'm just going to show him my collection of handmade nail studded bats'.

And maybe she was right . Carlos wouldn't hurt a fly but he would hurt anyone who dared to lay a painful hand on his daughter physically or emotionally.

She was his baby. Anyone that hurt her would simple become a ghost. As simple as that.

Carlos looked at him square on "if you break my daughters or my grandsons heart.." he inhaled sharply just at the thought of his family getting hurt "you will become dust on my land. I will plant flowers with you. Si?" He casually said to him, tone calm as though he was talking about the weather to him.

Quinn rapidly  nodded  his head , shocked at the sudden threat of his life.

“Si. Si. Yeah. Loud and clear." He stumbled out , laughing nervously as he looked around in hopes of spotting Lina nearby. Preferably to find her before her father told him all the ways he Could make him disappear.

Carlos just laughed at the scared look on his face , then he reached over to smack the back of his head before standing to his feet again . Amused.

"I like you." He grinned contently while pointing a finger at him, nodding along to what he was saying .

"You should come here More often. We can play golf together. In case hockey doesn't work out. You need backups." He told him happily , the intimidating and cold demeanour falling right back off him now that he had gotten his little tests on Quinn out of the way.

Quinn could only blink up at him in surprise , still thrown off from the whole 'I will kill you' talk. But he nodded nonetheless .

“Sure sir. Sounds fun." He said nervously.

Yet he couldn't help but smile a little at Carlos saying that he liked him. That was all that he had wanted out of this trip. For her parents to like him. He had gotten 2/2. So he was feeling pretty pleased with himself then.

Her father just laughed "don't call me sir! It's Carlos. You're family now! My daughter loves you so I will learn to love you too!" He told him grinning , hands on his hips as he let out a long dramatic sigh.

"This was good." He declared then , speaking his mind. "I was worried but now I am not." He simply said "you're a good American boy. I didn't realise you existed . A little pale but ..more summers here will fix that." He rambled to him "welcome to the family kid."

Quinn grinned.

Later that night when everybody was asleep, Quinn was keeping Lina awake with his excited whispers in the dark as he relaid his whole day with her. Lina moaning sleepily as she snuggled into his neck, legs intertwined as she listened to him, half asleep already.

Quinn played with her hair as he mumbled "I think that we should get a place here. We could come here , like , swap the weeks between ours and here. Your father said that there was some nice beach houses not too far away from here." He suggested quietly , running his free hand down her bare back gently . Lightly scratching her shoulders with his nails just the way she liked it.

Lina lifted her head a little to look at him in surprise , letting out a shocked laugh. That having been the last thing she had expected him to say to her that night.

"You really like it that much here?" She couldn't believe it, happiness filling her chest at the thought of being able to have a place with Quinn in the same place she had grown up in. Her home. Just like Quinn was.

He just nodded shyly , eyes darting across her face quickly to check her reaction . He only relaxed a little once he saw her growing smile .

He smiled too "yeah. I do. But also -" he tucked himself underneath her chin , being the one to snuggle her this time. Wrapping his arms around her waist so she could hold him close .

“I think it would be good for Juan to see his grandparents more." He whispered before hesitating briefly "and-"

He cleared his throat a little sheepishly "and your dad wants to take me golfing. Apparently there's a family tournament this summer that he wants me to be in with him so.. he really wants to be the neighbours . So I'll need the practice." He shyly mumbled to her . Cheeks colouring red as he felt her chest vibrate beneath him with a amused giggle.

She ran her fingers through his hair gently , kissing the top of his head over and over again as pride filled her. Recalling how scared Quinn had been to even talk to her father , convinced that Carlos wouldn't like him.

And now look at him, one day with her father and they were already planning going golfing together. She couldn't have felt any happier if she tried.

"New best friend?" She teased him affectionately, lifting his head up by his hair gently so that she could see his face that he was hiding from her.

With blushed cheeks and glossy eyes , he giggled shyly "yeah. Maybe." He sounded excited too , having spent the rest of the day after their 'talk' hanging out with her father .

He was a really cool guy and Quinn honestly felt like he had a second father figure for him to talk to , he loved Carlos. And Carlos loved him now.

He was so fucking happy he could cry. For once in his life everything was working out the way it should.

All the stars were aligning and he knew that he only had the love of his life to thank for it. His happiness really was secured with her.

"I also said that I'd take him to some of my hockey games as well." He told her with a pleased smile on his face , biting down on his lip as he peered up at his girlfriend through his lashes bashfully , his chin caught between her fingers firmly to keep his eyes on her.

"Yeah?" She smiled, pecking his nose . Heart bursting with love for the man she had given her whole heart to.

He nodded "yeah. He said he'll come as long as good food and wine is provided." He told her in amusement , having spent a good few hours explaining the rules of hockey to her confused father who didn't have a clue to what he did on the ice at all. But Quinn was certain that he could make Carlos a fan, hopefully of him and his team, but a fan nonetheless.

Lina just giggled in amusement "sounds like him." She muttered fondly before letting out a long sigh as she smiled down at him in adoration .

"I love you . You know that?" She whispered to him, brushing her lips against his own parted ones gently ,

He let out a shaky breath against her lips, swallowing audibly as he looked down at her pouty mouth that only he got to kiss now.

"I know. I can feel it." It was true.

She didn't need to tell him that she loved him for him to know, her love was in everything she did for him. Everything she said. Love was just her choosing him, over and over again.

“You're my whole fucking universe and all the stars in the sky." He felt himself begin to get emotional , so overcome with love for her that welled ip his eyes and made his lip tremble for her.

"I love you." He whispered against her lips, smiling

"I always will." He promised and he meant it.

And so did the diamond ring in his suitcase just waiting to be opened .

Something that would be much more easier to do now that he had her fathers approval and blessing to love Lina for the rest of his damn life.

[1989stanz]

Karaoke at Xander's birthday

Sooo, this one been sitting in my drafts and I've been thinking if it's good enough for me to post. My immediate answer was “no”, but I kind of liked this one. A quick remainder: the year was 2009 and I just put songs that were trending at the time or were made before 2009. Hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: mentions of Nash Hawthorne, Jameson Hawthorne, Alexander Hawthorne, Grayson Hawthorne and minor cursing. The characters are not mine! They belong to Jennifer Lynn Barnes.

English is not my first language! Sorry if there's any mistakes.

Word count: 10K (it's acceptable, isn't it?)

December 17th, 13 years ago

It was December at Hawthorne House, which meant two things: Christmas and Xander birthday party. It was always the most busy month in the house—with employees walking around the mansion, carrying balloons, boards full of the most expensive foods, Christmas lights, and the decorations for the trees. Overall, it was the mess that came along with Alexander's birthday mixed with the mess that came with Christmas. Xander liked this time of the year, not just because it was his birthday and his favorite holiday in one month together. And definitely not because he used to make jokes that the employees looked like robots, focused on nothing else but doing what they were programmed to do. December was usually when Skye arrived, just to spend the holiday and go back by new year. She wasn't really present in her son's life, at least not in the way other mothers were, but she was there in December. She typically arrived on the 17th. In other words, in the day of Xander's birthday. That's why 5-year-old Xander was sitting in front of the library window. Three hours ago he got expelled from the kitchen because he would just sit there without any movement, waiting for Skye, and Nash found it depressing to see his youngest brother this way. Nash knew that it was very likely that she wouldn't show up, so he just expelled him from the kitchen, expecting that he would forget it. But Xander was a Hawthorne, wherefore he just found another window that led directly to the front door, where Skye was about to show up. At any second. But why was she taking so long? The house was already decorated for his anniversary, still, he chose to wait for his mother to start celebrating. Consequently, he waited. Waited. And waited. Waited a little more. And when he got tired of waiting, he just forced himself to wait even more. But there was no possibility she was about to show up. He looked up, glancing at the clock. 10:00 pm. He was looking at the window since 9:00 am, but he didn't catch a glimpse of Skye. “She's not going to show up” Xander thought, and hated himself for thinking it. Of course she was, she was his mother. That's what she's supposed to do. “She's not coming”, this time tears fell from his eyes to his cheeks, dropping and wetting the carpet. There was only one in the beginning, but quickly there were more than he could count. More than he could contain. So he just let them fall, without fighting. Skye had failed him—she should've been there. She should be wishing happy birthday to him, with a bright smile on her face. She should've had seen him blowing out the candles of his cake. Not only that, but she should kiss him in the forehead and ask, “What did you wish for, Xan?”. That's what she had always done, and he could practically hear himself answering his mother, “I cannot tell you! It will ruin my wish.” But his wishes were already ruined, because all he always wished was to Skye come back in his next birthday. He must have done something wrong in the last year—that would explain her absence. There is no way she missed her son's birthday on purpose. Crying, he held his head in his hands and just drowned in his misery, wondering what he did wrong to have such an absence mother when all his friends' mothers were all present—not only on their birthdays or in other special occasion. Suddenly, he heard footsteps behind him and fastly wiped his tears away, turning around to see who was coming. Jameson. “Hey, why are you crying? What happened?” At the age of seven years old, Jamie was already the biggest problem on the house, always mocking his brothers for anything. Sometimes, he made up scenarios just to mock them, like when he stole Grayson's clothes when he was taking a shower and mocked him for having a Disney princess towel. Yet, he knew when it was time to stop. Xander replied, “I'm not crying. My eyes are just sweating.” Jameson raised an eyebrow. “Eyes don't sweat.” 

“At least not yours” Xander said, except that his voice was shaky, his eyes tired, and some tears were dry in his face. Not to mention the headache that he had now. His brother sat down beside him, putting an arm around his youngest brother's neck. “So, why are your eyes sweating?” His tone was calm and gentle, also he didn't complain during the time that Xander took to reply. “She didn't come” he said weakly, his voice lower than a whisper. Jamie didn't have to ask who. She didn't show up for his birthday neither, but he pretended it didn't matter like he always did. “I know it hurts, but she won't be here for all your birthdays. She wasn't here for mine, but it's okay. You can still enjoy it. She'll be here soon.”

Sniffling, Xander acknowledged the elephant in the room, “Why she's rarely here?” Jameson arched his back, tense. He didn't know, and he didn't like to think about it—otherwise it would mean that she considered other things more important than her own children. “Maybe she's just busy. Why don't you spend some time with us?”  

Us as in Jameson, Nash, and Grayson. “I don't think I'm up to anything right now.” He stared at the ground, unable to even think straight. Jamie squeeze his shoulder, asking really quietly, “Not even karaoke?”

After a long time gathering himself, with Jameson telling him about that one time he put superglue on Nash's favorite cowboy hat, and he had to get a buzz cut after using it just to make Xander laugh through his misery, they knocked on their brothers' bedrooms. Nash and Grayson were both reluctant, but once they understood the whole situation, they just agreed profusely. Walking through the halls, they tried to not make too much noise to do not disturb the employees sleep. They had a really tiring day and needed rest. Once they arrived, Nash turned the lights on, revealing the karaoke equipment in the stage. Untouched. Brand new. Ready for the night. Jameson started to run to pick one of the microphones, but Nash grabbed him by the shoulder. “Hey, James, not today. It's Xander's birthday, he will choose the music. It's fair.” Jameson made a furious face at Nash. “Don't call me James. I hate it.” Nash tilted his head. “Then behave.” He looked at Xander, “It's your night, Xan. Choose whatever the hell you want to, and we'll sing it.” Xan. Skye started calling him this way because she wanted to have a different nickname for her son. It hurt to remember that. It almost hurt when he was called by Xan by his brothers, but somehow it didn't. “He's five. You're not supposed to say hell in front of him” Grayson complained, arms crossed over his chest.

“Don't worry, kid”, he side eyed Jamie, “someone taught him worse words than just hell.” It was true. Jameson one day selected all the cuss words in the dictionary, and ran up to Xander so they would found out what they meant. “So, what are we waiting for?” Xander asked, excited. “Let's see how noise we can make without getting kicked out of the house!”

Nash was the first one, and Xander meticulously considered the most unserious song for a cowboy like him to sing. Only one music popped on his head, and he put it in the karaoke machine with a devilish smile. “Nash,” he turned to his brother, “I think this one would fit you well.” Nash looked at the music author and raised an eyebrow at the name. “Taylor Swift? Who's her?” 

Xander was shocked, to say the least. “You never heard 'You belong with me'?” He asked, and Nash shook his head. Did he live under a cave? “Never heard about the woman, but I know this song.” Xander nodded. It wasn't as bad as it seemed. The intro started to play and Jameson already lost it when Nash did the phone signal with his hand. Grayson tried hard to not laugh, but he was cracking up in the bridge. Xander almost fell to the ground. He was dying of laughter. “Make him stop” Grayson said, taking spaces between the words. They all had to make spaces between the words because of how funny the scene was. Even Nash couldn't hold it anymore in the end of the song. “Give me an autograph, Nash. I'm your biggest fan!”, Xander yelled, and they all chuckled. “I love this song. I'll look up for the artist later.” Nash told Xander, and he was amused. “You'll love her work!” Nash smiled and glanced Grayson. “Definitely. But I guess someone's about to sing to us, isn't it, Gray?”

Gray had, technically speaking, a bass type of voice. In other words, his voice was so low it fit classic songs really well. In Xander's words, his voice fit Katy Perry perfectly. His older brother gave him a dangerous look when 'Hot n Cold' started to play. Jameson was pleased, to say the least. “Go, Grayson!” he shouted, his voice echoing through the walls of the room. They all got up to dance and make fun of Grayson. He, in the other hand, had an incredible voice, as expected. He'd spent hours and hours singing, trying to achieve the perfect tone and not missing one single note. If he did miss, he'd have to start over and over until it was carved on his mind. Nash was dancing some steps that seemed really bizarre, but exactly like how Xander thought a cowboy would dance in this situation. Jamie was rocking the non-dance-floor, and his youngest brother too. They all were laughing, for Gray's misery. When he was done, left the microphone and came to join his brothers. “Didn't know you are a fan of Katy. I could give you my vinyls!”, Xander said cheerfully. “You cannot”, Gray narrowed his eyes. Jamie passed by them, picking up the microphone. “Though I think that Gray would love your vinyls, Xan, It's my turn to show you how my voice is better than his”, he looked at Grayson, a challenge in his eyes. Xander altered his glance between them, excited. “So it's on?”, he didn't have to give other explanation. Gray analyzed the situation, pondering if he should agree or just kick his brother's ass for saying that he has a better voice. Slowly, he shook his head, “Bring the karaoke battle, little brother.”

The situation was: Grayson, with murder in his eyes, singing “Milkshake” with Jameson, who had a wide-eyed gaze. The tension was intense and Nash almost interrupted, but he didn't take it serious. It was impossible to take anything serious when his brothers were singing about milkshakes and yards. Grayson was shooting bullets at Jameson with his eyes, what made the scene even funnier. And Jamie answered each look with a Jameson Winchester Hawthorne type of smile—long, Machiavellian, twisted, and playful. Like he was not worried about the competition because he would win eventually. Gray just had a blank face, beside his eyes.

Once it ended, they looked at Xander. “So who's the winner?”, they asked at the same time. It was determined that he would decide who was the winner. Only if he thought there was one. Spinning and picking up the mic from Gray's hand, he calmly replied, “Myself.” 

“Yourself?” Jamie laughed. “You didn't even sing.” Choosing the music, he said “I'm about to,” He turned around, “but not only me.”

Tobias had bought four microphones and four mic stands for his grandsons, probably thinking that they were going to sing together at some point. The point never came naturally, but Xander saw the opportunity and took it. And the song of the night was “Just Dance.” Nash was sort of a country music fan, but when it came to Lady Gaga, he did not play. And Gray was having way too much fun for someone who claimed that “classic music is better than pop.” Dancing and singing, they didn't even bother to be in rhythm. But it was still beautiful, because it was real, natural, and imperfect. In fact, it was so perfectly imperfect. This moment—the happiness they felt and shared—would be remembered. At least, Xander will always remember how his brothers saved his birthday. He always “saved” them with his humor and genuine joy, but sometimes he needed to have moments like this in order to don't feel drained. Certainly, his brothers were more than happy to give these moments to him. Surely the whole house was awake because of the noise, but it wasn't a problem to them. Fortunately, nobody came to interrupt, leaving them to taste the magnificent and wonderful moment

[charmedreincarnation]

Hello Charmed, (i am so sorry it's a long ask ...)

I had a realization a few days ago and i thought i would share it with you because you're the only loa blog i follow and i can identify with, you make everything so much more easier and you don't focus on label or complicated labels, by your posts what i realized is ... whatever works for you and you identify more with, without trying to necessarily put words into it, just do it.

I've always been more of an affirmation girl and i downloaded Tumblr back after years and it all went downhills maybe 2 years ago .. or less because of the whole state talk that made it so much more harder and complicated for me, it made me feel like no matter what if i affirmed, it didn't matter, i needed to be in a state of fulfillment and always be in my mind and imagine. Mind you, i manifested money; my school year; appearance changes : all from not believing in affirming or thinking it'll work, just out of boredom and desperation. Anyways.

I entered the void before, plenty of times and i always forget to affirm because i am too comfortable and relaxed or i freak out and get myself out (that was before the numerous state posts, back when cleostoohot was still active). I had a realization, i would mix subliminal and affirming back in the day snd always had my desires and i also got in the void with Slade void subliminal.

On this day, May 25, i finally got my routine, i finally know ! and i also read the post about finding a void routine and sticking to it, persisting. I am going back to my root, i made a void playlist with some self concept subliminal that I'll look in the morning while affirming "isn't it wonderful that i always wake up in the void", i also made a desired body and weight loss playlist that I'll loop while eating and affirm "isn't it wonderful that i got my desired body" or "i lose weight everytime i eat" or i also have a playlist for confidence when i start feeling insecure especially when i watch movies because i compare myself a lot. It's time to turn all of those negative thoughts right when i get them and feel better about myself. I am also going to sleep with the 10k void aff subliminal (i always wake up in the void). It might seems crazy and a lot for some people but i recently took a gap year and i worked like crazy for a while so i can finally take a break from work too so i have all my time. Not to mention that i started yesterday and i already feel so much better, lighter. People are different but full routines works wonders for me, it keeps me on track.

It might seem crazy for some people but affirming is as simple as repeating a sentence in your head and listening to subliminal in the background at a low level is also pretty easy.

Congrats love :)’I’m glad you found what works for you, and i hope to see a success story soon

[candy616]

I don't get why peeps just can't ignore content they dislike rather than making the time to voice to someone why they dislike it😭 I enjoy your blog v much🫶🏼

If you don't mind me asking, what voice generator do you use because wow those audios sound SO accurate! Keep doing you and creating to your heart's content!!

Thank you so much for your kind words!🙏💖💖 I can understand people's concerns about AI, a lot of creators hate AI and it's understandable. 😔 But I always use it carefully and make sure not to hurt anyone with it.

About the generator… I wanted to tag my posts more properly, but I got messy like always, and didn't tag all the tools like I intended to, sorry.

Ok, so here we go:

A Voice Model

First, you need to choose a voice you would like to use. You can find a voice model on weights.gg or on the Discord channel

You can train your own voice model, if you didn't find the one you need or if the existing one is not good for you. The only working Notebook on Google Colab to train your model is RVC v2 Disconnected Here is the guide for it.

(I still have no idea of how to restart the training if something went wrong and the process stopped/disconnected, sorry. Also, remember that Google will ask you if you are still there and will give you a captcha to solve in a few hours, and if you'll not react to it quickly, the process will be stopped, so don't go too far from your PC and check on the process from time to time).

a tip to remember: if your dataset audio is under 10 min = 100-200 epochs. Over 10 min = 200-300 epochs. I do 500-600 if my audio is 15+ minutes, but it can overtrain the model.

Ok, you have your model, now you need to decide what you want to do with it.

If you want to create a MESSAGE:

You need Mangio-RVC-Fork installed on your PC.

2. Crate your text. Write a text with a pronounced accent of your character like:

You can ask ChatGPT to became your redactor, correct all the mistakes and add a thick accent. (For example, a thick Southern drawl for Graves, a thick Scottish accent for Soap, a thick Manchester accent for Ghost etc.)

3. Then you go to 11Labs and generate the body of your message with their models. I use Clyde for both Graves and Soap (yes, he is American, but we already have a text with accent so it's ok). 11Labs has a lot of different models, so you can listen to them and choose the one you think would be the best. Then you just generate the message. Don't put all the text at the same time if it's big. You may have to regenerate same text over and over again so it would give you the best pronunciation. Please note that you only have 10k tokens a month. Use it wisely. Or consider to subscribe. Or use multiple Google accounts.🙈

4. When you are happy with the message, you go to RVC and make the character of your choice to say it with your voice model.

5. Then you just put all the parts of the message together with something like Audacity or other audio/video redactor of your choice.

And that's pretty much all. You can find a lot of guides for all the tools I mentioned on YT. Just search for the resent ones, because everything changes very quickly.

Hope it was at least a bit helpful?? If you have any questions please ask away. If you can't find a good guide, let me know, I'll find the best one for ya.

P.S. If you want to create AI COVERS, you also need Ultimate Vocal Remover (please find a guide on YT or ask me, I'll find one for ya).

Or you can use just this only tool Replay (But you won't be able to fix or edit the cover. I use it just for test usually.)

[affectionatelyrs]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank u to @read-and-write- @daisymae-12 @inexplicablymine @happiness-of-the-pursuit and @kiwiana-writes for the tags! :) I loved reading all of y'alls answers heheheheh

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

6 and i'm proud of each one even though this is somewhat of a small number

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

33,929

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Red, White and Royal Blue as of now - I would like to maybe write for Heartstopper one day but we shall see

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

You Came Out of Nowhere (And You Cut through All the Noise)

All of This Silence and Patience (Pining and Anticipation)

Far too Enamored to be Content Now

King of My Heart

Baby, You're Gonna Lose Your Own Game

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

YEAH ALWAYS! :) Comments are one of the top things that keep me motivated bc just knowing that ppl read my writing and like it enough to tell me? Yeah.... that's insane and they genuinely mean so much to me

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't think any of them do? If anything maybe my most recent one Help Me Hold On to You because it's more of a hopeful ending

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of them do but a genuine happy ending that I adore and always makes me smile and giggle and kick my feet would have to be All of This Silence and Patience (Pining and Anticipation) (I honestly just love a great mutual pining reveal and the giddiness that comes with it)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No and thank goodness for that

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do indeed.... heheheheh - idk what to even say as for what kind but I will say that I am seemingly incapable of not adding a lot of feelings to my porn as of now (even my one quote unquote enemies fic had some internal what's going on feelings in there) y'all can ask @read-and-write-

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of but I think it would be so epic

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet but me and @inexplicablymine have a very silly idea in the works that i'm very excited for

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Oh goodness I have hyper fixated on many but I would honestly say FirstPrince and Narlie are pretty close to one another

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't want to say any of them bc I genuinely love all of the ideas that I have and I would love to see all of them get written

16. What are your writing strengths?

Prose and introspection seems to be my loves at the moment - I think I'm pretty great at writing very descriptively, using literary devices, and getting into character's minds

And feelings.... simp action for everyone all around (but I've also apparently made ppl cry so there's also that)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Maybe dialogue? I think it's just a part that I need to practice more so that I personally feel more confident in my ability to write it

Also (sorry if this sounds so faux interview of me) but I think I write too much sometimes maybe? Like I cannot find it in me to be succinct. I want to try to write fics that are more plot oriented and whatnot but I have to figure out how to not end up writing 8-10k for just one day/night first

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I'm not the most confident in my abilities to do so but @read-and-write- has helped me whenever I wanted to include spanish in my fics

I also like the idea of pet names in other languages so I would incorporate those too

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Red, White and Royal Blue

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

If I include two.... no I didn't (yeah I did) but I love them for seperate reasons

You Came Out of Nowhere (And You Cut through All the Noise) - It's just so so so so special to me. It's so soft and sweet and fluffy and I love writing flustered Henry and confident and snarky Alex and mutual pining and boys hiding in a small closet together and and and and (and I'm writing a 3+1 companion fic for this one soon too which I'm so excited for)

Help Me Hold On to You - My most recent fic. Hurt/comfort, very cathartic to write, genuinely means so much to me, I got to write so prosey and use all the literary devices that I wanted to use (the bees.... the bees) and get into my Alex's mind more and many people have sent me love for it which makes me incredibly happy

I had a lot of ppl tag me in this so let's see I'm going to tag @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @welcometololaland @hypnostheory @sherryvalli @tintagel-or-cockleshells @littlemisskittentoes @14carrotghoul @cricketnationrise and anyone else who wants to do it

[lesbianwithchainsaws]

Wait i actually wanna hear your thoughts/opinions on the Saw movies!

Anon, this is a risky thing to ask me because all that will happen is you will get a 10k word essay from me as a result. But okay. I am going to put this under "Read more" because I truly mean it when I say this ended up very long.

So first of all, I fucking love the Saw franchise. Like objectively it's not that good, especially the sequels, but I love these movies and the characters (mostly). I'm really excited for Saw X, even though I know it's not going to be good. The 10th movie in a horror franchise is never actually good, but at this point I feel like Saw could give me anything and I'll still watch it.

Despite some of the sequels being not so great, I genuinely think the first movie is a masterpiece. I'm a sucker for low budget movies because I love seeing what people can do with little money and I think Saw does a great job at showing the world, the traps and everything. It's definitely not perfect and you can tell it's got a small budget at times, but it just still works so well. Also let's be honest, Saw would not work if it had a huge budget.

Anyway, the story of the first one is still so intriguing and well made, even when you're someone like me who's seen it several times. And the reverse bear trap scene still hits.

I love Adam and Lawrence as characters. They're so intriguing to watch and Adam truly has the funniest lines ever. "This is the most fun I've had without lubricant." sir, you are in a death trap lmao!

Even the other characters are interesting to watch imo.

Oh, and I can't not mention the early drafts of the Saw script. There are some lines that make me insane every time I think about them. I'm sure you can find some of them on tumblr. My favourite is probably "so many days you have wanted to die. Now your goal is to make it out of here alive. Either way, you win, yes?". In the early drafts Adam was quite suicidal and that line is in the Jigsaw tape to Adam. Honestly there's so much about Adam in the early drafts that makes me lose it a little. There's even some dialogue of Lawrence asking Adam about him being suicidal. It just... aaaaaaaaaaaaaa yknow?

Saw really has such well written characters. Even if the story isn't always the greatest, the characters make up for it a lot.

Especially Amanda. Like her being addicted to heroin and after the rbt, she and John thinks she's good now. He's healed her. But he hasn't. She now needs John's approval. And she still hurts herself and starts killing others. Because John didn't do shit. He turned her into this monster and he doesn't really care. He supposedly cares that she's killing people, but only because he lives with some weird god complex where he thinks he's not killing people.

But genuinely if you really think about it, she's just a tragic character and that's the point. I love her character, even though she'll never get anything good to happen to her.

Also on a less serious note, Amanda Young is a lesbian. No, I'm not projecting. (I am)

Now onto Jigsaw himself. Fucking John Kramer. I would beat him up if he was real. I don't care that he's an old man dying of cancer, I would punch him. Every time he talks about how he doesn't kill people and that killing is distasteful, I feel like fighting. Dude straight up kidnaps people and puts them in death traps that are nearly impossible to escape. But sure. Yeah, they totally had a choice in the matter. Also like what choice did the people in Saw III have? They didn't have a choice, they had to have Jeff choose for them. And the people in Saw VI? Like I love Saw VI and I love that it's about health care in the US, but like those people didn't get to choose shit. He killed them. And yes, he's dead by that point, but it's his design and his trap. John Kramer is stupid and I would fist fight him at any point in time.

Sorry, I guess I should move on to the second movie.

I think the second movie is pretty good. I prefer the first one and kinda wish the 2nd one had some better character stuff, but the traps in the second one are so good? The fucking needle pit makes me cringe every time. Also fun fact, they used over 100k syringes for that trap. People had to remove the needles from each one to ensure that it's safe and I remember seeing this behind the scenes video where even the 100k syringes weren't enough. They had to put padding at the bottom to make it seem like the pit was a lot more full.

I also do like the idea of all the victims being connected because they were framed by Detective Matthews. And the twist is pretty cool too even if "your son is in a safe place" is silly. Did it have to be a pun? It's so funny.

Also Amanda waking up in the trap and immediately checking if there's a trap on her head? Makes me insane actually.

Now onto the third one, I genuinely think I'd like it more if Jeff didn't suck. He's a frustrating character to watch most of the time. However, I do think that The Rack (the trap Timothy was in that slowly twisted his limbs) is the worst trap ever, but like I mean that in a good way. It's probably the only trap I genuinely have to look away from. I can't handle watching it fully.

I think a lot of the other traps in Saw III are pretty cool too, again, I just wish Jeff was less frustrating of a character.

But Amanda and Lynn? First of all, there was something gay as hell going on there. If they both didn't literally die in that movie, I would say they hate-fucked afterwards. Also Amanda is so hot in this movie. Uh, I mean, what? Who said that? I'm not simping for the murderer.

Okay. I definitely prefer the Amanda, Lynn and John side of the plot. I think it's a lot more interesting to watch, especially with Amanda struggling because of the letter and not knowing whether to kill Lynn or not. I also like that we find out more about Amanda and her mental state after everything John has done.

I will forever be upset that Saw III has so many deleted scenes. Especially the one where Adam and Amanda interact. I think it's such a good scene, I wish they kept it in. (If you haven't seen it, the deleted scenes are all on youtube). I think it's so cool to see how Amanda is like hesitant almost for a bit to do anything to Adam because he's being nice to her. And like she's going to his apartment to kidnap him. She has zero good intentions, but she looks to almost second guess the decision as he's leaving.

Fourth movie, let's go! The fourth one is in my opinion very funny. Mainly because of the ridiculous scene transitions. I saw this behind the scenes video where Darren Lynn Bousman (the director) was so excited about the scene transitions, but me and my friends have watched this movie and laughed at the transitions. They're so ridiculous. Especially the one where the lady is goes through the mirror and onto the police office.

Anyway, the main overall trap is kinda not that great in this one imo. And the whole reason that the character is in the trap because he spends too much time trying to catch Jigsaw is ridiculous. However, I do like the fact that a rapist gets put in a Saw trap. 10/10

Oddly enough, I don't remember the overall plot that well of this movie. I don't even think its a bad Saw movie, I think it's pretty good. It's just kind of forgettable overall I guess?

Saw V... Saw V is a movie that I think could've been really good, but ended up kinda crap.

First of all, the concept of the trap is probably one of my favourites. I love the idea that all of them could've survived, if they just worked together and weren't selfish. I think it's a great idea. However, I don't think it was executed that well. Mainly, I think the backstory of the characters should've been clearer. And just the characters in general could've been better. Also sorry, but I thought the reveal that they could've worked together was so obvious. I think with some more improvements in the script, this could've been great though.

The fucking cop plot however? Jesus christ, I hated it. Mark Hoffman walks around like he's got "I'm Jigsaw" taped on his back, yet somehow not a single person is suspicious of him and instead think Strahm is guilty. Like please, Hoffman is not that good at hiding.

Also whoever did the casting for Saw IV and V is my enemy. I genuinely had a hard time telling Strahm and Hoffman apart at first. They both look like generic white guys and I'm supposed to distinguish from these two? It doesn't help that they're fucking dressed a similar way. I kinda wish they would've altered their appearance a little more at the very least.

The end is cool though.

Saw VI is one of my favourites though. It's a bit dumb, but I love it. I love that they show the stupidity that is American healthcare in it. I enjoy the traps a lot. Especially the shotgun carousel. Hello? Whoever thought of that is kind of genius. It's a really cool idea imo. I also think the characters are better written in this too. I will never not think that Jigsaw putting the janitor in a trap for smoking is kinda dumb, but I kinda understand why he's there.

The twist isn't great, but it's a great movie overall.

Fun fact: Saw VII aka Saw: The Final Chapter was originally supposed to be two separate movies. But Saw VI didn't do as well as studios wanted, despite the fact that it was a lot better critically received. So the studio made the filmmakers cut the idea down to one movie. I really wish we could've gotten two though, that would've worked way better. Apparently one was supposed to focus more on Lawrence, which would've been really good.

The Saw VII we did get is not a very good movie. Character-wise it's bad. The traps are okay. But also this movie is weirdly ugly? Like whatever they did with the colour grading didn't work at all. I think it looks hideous. The wrong colours stand out and it doesn't feel as much of a Saw movie anymore.

Saw VII needed more Lawrence. Also the way that the guys wife did nothing wrong and didn't deserve to slowly burn alive. Oh, also, I think the concept of a therapy group for Jigsaw survivors is so unintentionally funny. It's like an absurd comedy,how are there enough people for there to be Jigsaw survivors therapy group lmao

Just realised I haven't even mentioned Jill and Hoffman's whole plot, but tbh idk if there's much to say about it. I think it makes sense for John to want to test Hoffman when he's become too serial killer-y. And it's cool to have the rbt return. Especially in VII where we actually see someone get killed by it. I know Saw VII is the most hated, but imo it's not the worst Saw movie.

Which greatly leads us to Jigsaw. The worst Saw movie! Fuck Jigsaw (2017). Me and my homies all hate Jigsaw (2017).

First of all, Jigsaw looks even less like a Saw movie than VII. Like why did they try to go for this modern look to it? Why was that necessary? I think part of what makes the Saw movies so good is the gross 2000s look. It doesn't work as well without it.

The characters are alright. Although the scene where that one guy is right by the thing that would disable the trap completely and he doesn't fucking do it is kinda frustrating. Like at that point, do it just in case. I don't remember the exact details of the trap, but I'm talking about the bike one. I think he had to press a bike break? And the spinning trap that would kill him would be deactived completely.

But what really makes me hate this movie is the ending. First of all, John taking a bullet, showing it to the other two and going "this is the key to your survival" and then us finding out that he put keys to the chains inside the bullet? Yeah, what the fuck? This is so much worse than "He's in a safe place". I hate that part so much.

Of course, the twist that this was all in the past is even dumber. If this happened before Adam and Lawrence, then why does Billy have glowing eyes? Why does John suddenly have high-tech TV's. Why does the Jigsaw trap look like a fucking corporate office. Why is everything the way that it is?

But the truly worst part is Logan. My sworn enemy. I would gladly punch John, but that feeling is tripled when it comes to Logan. He's like a more annoying Hoffman. And Logan's been here from the start? Fuck off, no he hasn't. And "John didn't think I should die because of an honest mistake." I'm killing Logan. I'm aiming a gun at the writers of this movie. I'm fist fighting everything in sight. How do you watch SEVEN whole movies about the kind of person John is and think he would ever save someone because of a mistake? Logan's annoying ass should be dead. And listen, I know there's a theory out there where someone is saying that maybe John saved Logan because he put too many drugs in his system, which caused Logan not to wake up in time to give him a decent chance, and what John really meant was that he (John) made a mistake. But no, that's still stupid. It's John Kramer! He'd just blame Logan for the fact that the drugs didn't let him wake up in time. John wouldn't save him.

Also how does being spared by a serial killer equal deciding to work for said serial killer? What was the reason? Why did Logan do all that and decide that he wants to help John? It makes no sense! This movie makes no sense. The traps aren't even good enough or entertaining enough to look past all the stupidity. It makes me upset that they fucked up a Saw movie this badly. Saw is already convoluted enough. They genuinely could've just given a generic Saw trap plot and a generic cop plot, and it would've been 10x times better. Anything would've been 10x better than Jigsaw (2017). I truly hate that movie, I'm sorry.

Okay, finally there's Spiral: From the Book of Saw. Now I see quite a bit of dislike for Spiral out there on the internet, but honestly? I actually think it's alright. I'd put Spiral above Jigsaw and Saw VII. Maybe even above V.

This movie also abandons the gross 2000s aesthetic, but I think it works better here because it's a completely different setting and it's not Jigsaw! It's not John or Amanda or Hoffman or Logan. It's a copycat killer and in turn, I think that makes me more okay with the change in style.

Also I think the traps in Spiral are awesome. I especially like that, since this is a copycat killer, the whole "make a choice" thing kinda goes out the window too. It's just a bunch of brutal traps and I don't mind that at all.

The tongue trap is pretty unforgettable, but for some reason the finger one makes me cringe the most. Something about the idea of your fingers being pulled apart just gives me that slight uncomfortable feeling. Also the trap with the wax was pretty interesting too and quite brutal.

The twist in this movie, however, is so predictable imo. Like the second they didn't show the trap William was supposedly in, I knew he was alive and guilty. But I do love a Jigsaw that says ACAB.

I do also think Spiral has a lot of flaws. Like it's overall not a very good movie, but I enjoyed it. My opinion might be slightly influenced by the fact that this was the first Saw movie I saw in cinemas and it was a fun watch, but still. The movie's alright. I wouldn't mind a sequel to Spiral.

And as mentioned previously, I'm really excited for Saw X. Especially since they're bringing back my girl Amanda. I know it won't be as good as the first one, but I at least hope that Saw X will be better than Jigsaw.