#sorry Americans

[joja-co-official]

To pay respects to joe biden we're dropping joe-ja cola that makes you gay and slutty 🤪💦💙

[lovebeatriceplz]

Stalker! Peter Parker who’s nights always start out as patrolling the city, until you come out for your nightly walk.

Stalker! Peter Parker who justifies his actions with the excuse that he’s protecting you. Who knows what could happen to you on these streets? Remember that one time you almost got mugged? What would have happened if he wasn’t there?.

Stalker! Peter Parker who singles you out in group photos. He’ll crop it and gift you a photo with just you while keeping one for himself.

Stalker! Peter Parker who hides his stuff around your room anytime he comes over, that way he can come back for them, and spend more time with you (“how did that get there?” Type shit😭)

Stalker! Peter Parker who can’t help but eavesdrop on your conversations, the plans you make , a childhood memory you share with your friends. He’s always listening, even if you don’t know he’s there.

Stalker! Peter Parker who relishes in the fact that you’re pretty forgetful, and he’s perceived as trustworthy. So when he slips up it’s quickly fixed.

“I saw something like that at olive gardens I think” you point out. “Oh yeah? That’s where you’re going tonight right?”. A look of surprise flashes across your face “how’d you know that?”. His heart skips a beat “oh- I - um y-you told me, yeah you told me about it a few days ago”.

“Did I?” He nods quickly “mhmm!”. You did not remember telling Peter that, but you couldn’t remember not telling him either.

Stalker! Peter Parker who knows all your secrets, and wishes he could share his. Sometimes when he’s perched on a building, you spot him, getting all exited and tugging the arm of the person next to you, his heart sinks a little. How he wishes that he could pull off the mask and tell you it’s him, it’s Peter.

Stalker! Peter Parker who listens to recordings of your voice when he feels overwhelmed or lonely, which would actually be sorta sweet if you had knowledge of it.

Stalker! Peter Parker who is actually not that slick or smart when it comes to you. So in his eyes, you’re either aware of what’s going on but you don’t care, or you’re the densest person on the planet. He’s fine with any of the latter, as long as he’s close to you.

Stalker! Peter Parker who copies your mannerisms and vocabulary, which isn’t that odd, friends do that. It’s just, he does things, mirror things that you don’t do in front of anyone, like that way have to put on music before cooking, or the way you talk to your plants before watering them. Maybe it’s coincidence, or maybe it’s fate and Peter Parker is actually your lover from a past life and you guys are like totally soulmates and you should go out with him.

(Plot twist Peter Parker actually made this)

Where I post from btw:

[slobozan-shitposting]

[goodtweetbadtweet]

this is really old but I haven’t seen it before so maybe I’m not the only one and I have to share because I am fucking dying

”my name is Alexander Johan Hjalmar Skarsgård”

… “and in the States it’s aLeXaNdeR sKaRsGaRd” 🤡

[mogs4rt]

May means Eurovision means people losing their shit and I'm here for it

[cerus]

Do you prefer charr, norn, humans, Asura, or Sylvari? Or all?

sylvari are definitely my favourite! partly because of the creative breadth for character and biology design, but much more significantly they definitely appeal to all my Problems. like. i had a weird childhood and i really vibe with just waking up as an adult, orrrrr the themes about free will regarding both mordremoth and wyld hunts are super interesting to me as someone who experiences psychosis

i like all the other races too tbh, but i wish they had more depth :/ also to be completely honest being australian i really appreciate how like. normal and similar to me the sylvari male va is, and when i play anything else i get totally taken out of it

[bearsinpotatosacks]

As a Brit, I find it difficult to write american spellings and words for things in fanfic (trash instead of bin, candy bar instead of chocolate bar, mom instead of mum) so here's my question?

[kdazrael]

Yesterday (to celebrate being midlife crisis years old) I dragged my friends on a Dublin literary pub crawl. It's clearly aimed at tourists so it was us and ~20 Americans. The tour guides announced there would be a quiz at the end and you can win a t-shirt. Immediately I'm like FUCK YEAH WE ARE GETTING THAT T-SHIRT but one of my friends suggested that since we are the home team (and 4/5 of us have literature PhDs) we should graciously let the Americans win. Excellent point, HOWEVER

[floralope]

i love halloween because its the only thing stopping people from throwing christmas in our faces before november

[tiredpainednerdandveryveryqueer]

"So."

He's quiet despite having been the one who just spoke. Crowley had always been a little quieter than Aziraphale. Certainly he shouted more, was louder speaking and expressing themselves... But Crowley had always been able to sit still by comparison of the two of them. Aziraphale fidgeted.

"So."

Aziraphale was soft spoken, quieter in how he expressed himself... But was constantly fidgeting. This bursting ball of energy that was always ticking, vibrating, in the background of whatever else was being done. The closest he ever got to staying still was when reading books and even then... They were there. Tiny little movements or rituals.

They sat side by side now in the Bentley. Both nervous and fragile in ways they'd never been before in over 6000 years of existence.

Crowley fidgeted. Aziraphale sat completely still, didn't even appear to be breathing.

"Why America?"

"What?"

"For the second coming. Why show up there. Why America? Isn't he supposed to have shown up in like Jerusalem and walked through the east entrance to the Dome of the Rock or something and everyone got annoyed because there was a cemetary on the eastern side so he couldn't?"

"I believe that was Moses."

"Oh."

The silence stretched.

"So why America?"

"Well. Modern times... If you're going to make a big announcement and grand entrance that's sort of where you go these days. America."

"Oh well. Sure." Crowley sucked air inbetween his teeth a little. "Bit imperialist isn't it? Bit "gauche"?"

"Imperialist? Gauche!? Crowley, what....?"

"I just mean, you've been up there for what? Four years now? Things aren't necessarily the same down here as they were when you left. Everyone has gone off America a bit.... I mean. Aside from the Americans."

"... Everyone had gone off America except for the Americans before I left too. Especially the South Americans... And the Chinese... The entire continents of Africa and Australia..."

"Yeah. Well. They're really off America now. They're known for being extremely obnoxious and self centred. And like I said. Imperialistic."

"What has imperialism got to do with it? Besides aren't all centres of Empire self centred and obnoxious? That's sort of what you have to be to even be an empire." Finally Aziraphale moves for the first time since he got into the car. "I'm..."

"Don't." The response is clipped and immediate. "Don't do it. I'm a demon Aziraphale. I don't do forgiveness. Not accepting nor handing out."

"Ah."

The silence stretches.

"So."

"So."

"... Road trip around the US following Jesus Christ the Superstar to stop Armageddon part two."

"I mean... If you..." Aziraphale fumbles his words.

"Best start driving." Crowley says, finally starting the Bentley as Aziraphale let's out a small sigh of relief.

They're quiet in the car. Verbally at least.

Aziraphale fidgets. Crowley sits still.

And it's a tentative truce for almost a whole twenty minutes.

"Crowley! You can't just run OVER a stop sign! It's bad enough you're not stopping for them or even attempting to go close to the speed limit! These policemen have GUNS and they're not shy about using them..."

[moncuries]

remembering i should have the word thanksgiving blacklisted 😁

[aurenzo]

If my Americans (my D&D players) somehow found this: keep scrolling

Hehehehe your little warcouncil meeting in the tent with the archmage is getting ambushed by an army of aboleth thralls this session hehehehe

[allagashed]

whenever i say “screaming crying throwing up” this is what i mean

[mirafrashi]

no more talking about politics but that's ridiculous

[subterra-rose]

Honestly pokemon is the ideal universe not just because there’s cute animals that are your life companions, but because they have walkable cities and adequate biking infrastructure

[jerich0two]

Surprise! It's not Hazbin Hotel, shock horror... but happy pride month! I like this Mordecai headcanon (edit: I've since been told that it's canon!)