#soren : aliens

[machrealgirl]

me when the character has a uniquely fucked mindset. me when the character's fundamental views of how the world works lead to them being hurt and/or hurting others and not seeing the problem with this. me when the character is a little freak who does weird shit because their beliefs, inspired entirely by their environment, are fuckeddddd

[hylasregilla]

Them together DO U UNDERSTAHND

[macaroniandpheez]

some stuff I’ve been working on….

[lilyinwaiting]

Entering a pirate arc in the campaign >:)

[carmenpeach]

Kitty and Blade for @macabrity <3

[theoreticallysensible]

Okay so my first post is going to be about the link between capitalism and existential angst, which is the most on brand thing possible for me, so if you like this there’ll be much more of it and if not… sorry. 😅

I’ve always had a proclivity for angsty existentialism. Multiple times a housemate has found me sprawled on a sofa moping about the meaning of life which sounds really pretentious but idk I feel like on some level that’s just being a student. And it’s that material side of it that’s got me curious recently like - were these anxieties just a result of the kind of individualistic, listless existence a student inhabits? There’s probably a reason the stereotypes of angst are people with enough wealth to avoid work but not enough respect or expectations to have a solid idea about what they should be doing: Percy Shelley, Lord Byron, Søren Kierkegaard, etc.

In the first volume of his Critique of Everyday Life, Henri Lefebvre calls out Kierkegaard specifically as a prime example of bourgeoise alienation, the result of which was literally creating existentialist philosophy - the idea that we have to create meaning for ourselves by force of will and taking a leap of faith. Lefebvre claims that existential angst is always a result of some sort of alienation. When Marx formulated alienation as the psychological suffering we experience when we are separation from ourselves, each other, the products of our labour, and nature, he was thinking about the way the working class are made to suffer under capitalism, but Lefebvre expands the theory beyond this. He describes how alienation is always relative and present in all types of society for all people within it. Alienation is not just a result of individualism and exploitation - it also presents itself when we feel too far from someone we love, and when we are mystified by the natural world. Crucially, we are alienated when we become detached from the fact that we are dependent on others for our survival, something common to all the bourgeoisie.

Acknowledging this dependency would make us aware of the injustice of how these responsibilities are distributed (according to class, gender, race, etc.), and getting past the separation would require a radical change in lifestyle involving the rejection of the serving of the individual self so integral to bourgeoise morality. It’s hard! But with the lines between proletariat and bourgeoisie becoming more and more blurred with the expansion of the middle class, recognising this particularly bourgeoise suffering is important, I think, if we want to articulate a reason more people can get behind to resist capitalism.

People suffer when they’re separated from people, when their material existence feels so isolated and insignificant that they have to rely on spirituality to give them any sense of grounding, but are unable to be confident in their beliefs so can only ever relate to religion through anxiety (both my best friends speak of religion in this way, and before I read Lefebvre I was tempted to join them because it sounded better than the nihilism I was struggling with). Seriously, read any Kierkegaard and you will know he was not a happy guy. He wrote book called The Concept of Anxiety, and Fear and Trembling for God’s sake. He’s not okay! 🥺 But poor Søren might have been okay if he’d been a bit less self obsessed, acknowledged the value of *inter*subjectivity rather than pure responsibility, and actually married his fianceé rather than worrying about his independent morality, which was really just arrogance. I sound mean but I love him really. He’s very entertaining and *painfully* relatable.

But this is why I find Simone de Beauvoir to be the absolute best of the existentialist canon, because she recognises the need for recognition and connection, even for the powerful. In The Ethics of Ambiguity, she writes about how even tyrants suffer in hierarchical societies because they can never know authentic respect, since people always see their power and the threat implicit in it rather than their whole humanity. This doesn’t mean that we should never violently resist tyranny, because individualism is hard to overcome, even when it’s self-sabotaging, but awareness of this could get more people on the side of equality. This idea is apparently supported empirically in The Spirit Level, by Richard Wilkinson and Kate Pickett, but I haven’t read that one yet. I like to put it in Spinozist terms: the satisfaction of one desire can be excessive when it blinds us to our other needs and presents us from feeling other forms of joy.

On how it can be overcome though, I think Judith Butler offers an interesting frame for thinking about it. Though they’re best known for their work on the social construction of gender, my favourite book of theirs is Giving An Account of Oneself, where they write about how our mental life is a product of all our previous experiences, especially with other people. This seems obvious on some level, but it really undermines individualism. In particular, it deconstructs the distinction between attacking parts of yourself and attacking other people. If our internal and external lives are so interlinked, is it really surprising if attacking ourselves isolates us? Recognising that other people are in some sense present within us is conducive to greater intimacy, and though this can be uncomfortable if we dislike part of them, that doesn’t make it less true, and recognising this can make us more compassionate with everything within us. Self-hatred and hatred of others are intimately connected, and they reinforce each other.

I like to think of the relationship between different parts of myself in terms of Deleuze and Guattari’s machinic unconscious, where our minds are made up of interlocking parts from the larger social context. I think differ though in wanting to negotiate and find equilibrium between them rather than experimenting by letting certain parts go to extremes to make change though. I like the way Jacques Derrida writes about it in The Politics of Friendship, where to recognise the other in oneself, and so recognise the misalignment within ourselves, requires us to be a friend to oneself, which makes friendship so central that it undercuts any potential narcissism because by loving oneself as an other we learn to love others better (as well ourselves).

This doesn’t address the concrete politics of the situation though. The aspect missing is that we have to think of ourselves as inextricably linked to our social and political systems, part of a historical process, and our feelings about those systems are a very real part of that process, and if we want to be true to ourselves we have to act on those feelings rather than repress them. I’m still working out what that means for myself, and as Lefebvre notes it’s this final hurdle that most people fail at, but we can all try.

That kind of went all over the place, but hopefully it’s understandable and valuable, and if not it was helpful for me to articulate all these ideas that have been swirling around in my head for the past year or so. 😅

[coopbella]

oc-tober day 27: fears! as a skeleton cursed with forever undeath, soren has had a lot of chances to "outlive" the people he loves. it's left him cold and distant in an attempt to stop himself from getting attached to people that he knows he will someday lose. he's stopped letting himself get close to anyone. but vera no longer ages. as an alien, her species can theoretically live forever. she's soren's one chance to finally let himself get to know someone... and he's felt himself fall deeply in love with her. but even if she won't age, vera can still die. and so far, soren's been too scared of that possibility to make a move. he's not ready to find out how to love again. he's not ready to accept the possibility of loss. yet.

[carzstarz]

kitty the praetorian xenomorph and her gf blade the yautja <3

[quailfence]

[Image description: tumblr tags that read “#and then she proceeded to infodump about star trek for the next 15 minutes #probably the funniest reaction i've ever gotten to coming out #runner up is that time in high school i came out to a friend who was a couple years younger than me and v sheltered #and i told him he could ask any questions about being trans that he wanted to #and he asked "what would my trans name be?" and to this day i have no clue what the fuck that was supposed to mean #he ended up being one of the best allies i ever met who helped me manage my dysphoria without outing me #and in some ways supported me better than even fellow trans people #but it was just such a funny reaction #oh also that old lady had shaved her head and wore all masculine clothes and went by an androgynous name different than her birth name #and i almost expected her to compare my experiences to her but nope. star trek. iconic”. End description.]

@a-captions-blog @startrekdescribed

no more characters who are nonbinary just because their species doesnt have gender. more characters that species dont have gender but still read up on human gender theory and realized they were still not into this shit

[hulloitsdani]

What do u think Kiran is

How do u think the order sees kiran

*slowly sits up in my chair*

I think Kiran is a very normal person. This is someone you and I have met before. Be that from the other side of grocery store cashier, waiting in the same elevator, or walking by on a crosswalk. Kiran is a civilian from our world trying to roll with the punches of being warped somewhere completely alien. And you can see it in how they conduct themselves.

I always have a lot of fun writing Kiran’s dialogue because their casual modern speech almost feels like a dialect in comparison to the more formal fantasy tone everyone else speaks with. An “ain’t” will never exit Alfonse’s mouth, you know? And there’s a difference in “Do you have gold?” vs “You got gold?” To me, this gives Kiran an air of unfamiliarity to anyone they interact with. Let’s use Grima as an example, because it doesn’t sound like this grammatical change would make much of difference until Kiran has the audacity to hit Grima with a bro mid sentence. But that’s just how they talk. And as sweet and friendly as they are, there’s always moments like that to remind that no one has the cultural context to fully understand Kiran. Except for the audience, who can realize that Kiran let the customer service voice drop to talk to Grima like he’s an actual person.

And that’s just about how they talk! This view is only emphasized by every other thing about them! They’re a lovable goof, which is normal chill person behavior in the audience’s eyes but feels REALLY ODD to the characters of FE’s medieval fantasy war setting. There is this air of unknown about them that the more socially perceptive will pick up on and will try to come to a conclusion about. Example, I imagine Soren would interpret a lot of this as a dangerous and deeply annoying lack of intelligence from someone he has the displeasure of sharing a tactics table with. Or looping back to the Grima example, he would totally think Kiran has greedy ulterior motives behind that pleasant facade. It takes a lot of work for those types to realize that the discrepancy present isn’t really any of those things. But I also wouldn’t be too surprised if Kiran doesn’t try to directly prove any of those assumptions wrong unless they have to.

Why? Well now it’s time for the implications! Oh how we love the implications.

Because the Summoner is a different story. No one has any fucking clue what that is.

I can tell you what Kiran has pieced together so far. Summoning people from across time and space is apparently not easy. It’s not some school of magical study that some mage could pull off with enough time and research. Trust, Eitri tried. It’s a lot of complex moving parts. For example, the contracts. The contracts Kiran automatically binds their summoned to don’t even compare to the ones Veronica used in book 1. They are far more intense and infinitely harder to break. The only way out of them is if Kiran wills it so. Not even death is an option, because Kiran can come in for the revive. If they had to guess, it’s an older, more completed version of the art. Something lost to time. But no matter the case, Kiran has the ability to take full control of whoever they manage to summon. From a lowly farmer to the divine. And their power only grows.

In a similar vein, if there was any character to canonically see the hud, I think it would be Kiran. It’s genuinely part of their power set. I have previously described Kiran as the party mage until Veronica shows up to be the actual mage, but it would be way more accurate to call them a mystic/seer. They see the map, everyone’s stats, and is doing a fast amount of math to give the combat forecast. Then, upon processing all this information their enemies couldn’t dream of having at their disposal, Kiran can telepathically communicate any change in plans to anyone under contract. Kiran is not inherently some great tactician the moment they touch ground in Askr; they simply can do things no one else can. They’re learning the actual tactics part on the fly. This makes them simultaneously the largest ace up the Order’s sleeve and potentially its biggest liability. If they fall, it could cause a whole system cascade. By that same token, some of the biggest threats the Order has faced are the ones who do their research and rightfully target Kiran.

Now. Thinking critically about all that. That’s downright terrifying. A ridiculous amount of power has been dropped callously into Kiran’s lap and they have to work extremely hard to be moral with it. It’s terrifyingly easy not to be. It would actively take less effort to ‘take the reins’ as it were. But in order to be able to sleep at night ever again, they go the extra mile to not invalidate the will of their summoned. To take over like that. To make a colony of worker bees out of people. Because oh dear god they just summoned a child and the fact that they could easily force them to fight and die for them, only to be revived and do it all over again, is HAUNTING. No. No the Order has an in house orphanage now. This kid is getting adopted and cared for god damnit or Kiran might just pop a blood vessel. And sure that child is going to be a child and there will never be a world where they get along with everyone else, but that’s just going to need be a problem they address when they get there and not an excuse to use Hubris; the power set. Now replace the word child with everyone they ever summoned and you have the wider philosophy they apply to the entire Order.

They’re hyper aware of the power imbalance. They hate it with every bone in their body. They work really hard to correct it in whatever way they can.

So Kiran might not jump on the opportunity to correct those who think lesser of them. It’s… oddly comforting to know someone is keeping a critical eye on them. Holding them accountable. Especially since so much of the order just thinks of them as this quirky yet well meaning host. And, really, what can they even do about that? They have gone over the contract with every hero they summon and despite that they still choose to stay. So, what, do they try to inspire more mistrust? The problem with that they would have to actually do acts that intentionally inspire mistrust. And even if that was successful they can’t just waste the extra man power because every other month there’s some new divine asshole who wants them all dead. And if they fail that means they have to start their life from square one and god they can’t do that again so—

Just breathe Kiran.

It’s fine. You’re fine. Just breathe.

You have work to do.

[ivormybeloved]

Okay maybe i should do more rants about my MCSM AU ideas bc like. I have a LOT and then a month later I see someone mention an idea like it and I missed my chance 😭 so let's just clear up a few things

WARNING: some things may be triggering to some, so if you don't like mentions of kidnapping, death, religious themes, and a few other serious topics then these stories are not for you.

DELUSION [Main themes: Religious Trauma, corrupt society, coping mechanisms] — Every character in this story is an experiment that either has or is based on some sort of disorder/disability. Not all depictions may be accurate, but I'm planning on doing more research. The scientist and made all of these creatures is Ivor, The Creator. He's treated as a god and even sees himself as such. Our World's Delusions is not the official writing and is only hints at the future story + random ideas I have that I write out so that y'all can see them. The writing is on AO3. THIS STORY IS CURRENTLY BEING REWRITTEN!!!

FEARS/PHOBIA [Main theme: Suicide, getting over fears, Mental health] — This AU is mainly just major death. In this AU, each of the characters represent a phobia that Jesse has. Jesse starts killing all of them, trying to free himself from paranoia. Along the way, he gets tired of it. He tries to befriend some fears but soon kills them still. After becoming fearless and killing Romeo (the fear of death) he takes his own life.

THE GREATEST SHOW UNEARTHED [Main themes: Imagination, Greif, Kidnapping] — this au is based on the song The Greatest Show Unearthed. The current story at time of posting this is: Ivor and his son, Jesse, visit a carnival. They soon get wrapped up in the plans of the evil ringmaster (Romeo) who steals and manipulates children to join his circus. At day, it's a normal and fun wonderland. At night, it's a horrific, gorey freakshow filled with some unimaginable horrors. This is the first AU of mine where Ivor is (FOR ONCE) a good dad (not counting me and Br0ken's first MCSM AU. That one takes 2nd place)

FUGITIVE AU — this was a ship AU I had made because I was sad there was barely any Jailbirds (Reginald x Milo) content. The main idea: Milo would steal items and basically commit various crimes for Build Club. He'd get arrested sometimes, but was let go as no one had any evidence that it was actually him who committed the crime. When in jail, he'd talk to Reginald quite a bit and they seemed to get along. Isa, however, was tired of these constant crimes and the fugitive going unpunished, so she ordered Reginald to do whatever he could to capture them. Once Reginald successfully captured Milo, Isa sentanced the criminal to death by void. Reginald tries to protest, claiming that the punishment is much too harsh, but Isa doesn't listen and instead orders the guards to arrest Reginald with charge of treason. Reginald and Milo end up falling off of the island together mid-battle and fall to the island. Reginald wants to find a way back up and talk some sense into Isa, but Milo is completely ECSTATIC and only agrees to find a way back up when Milo remembers Build Club

ALIEN AU — random PolyOrder AU I thought of because of a narrative writing prompt at school 😭. The Old Order are pretty much just are aliens from a planet that is mainly just The End. They crash on Earth and the only person who doesn't like the new world is Soren. They decide to stay on the planet and study the world. They meet a human (Gabriel) and he helps them learn more about the world. Depending on how I feel about the writing, I may post a chapter or two.

BIOMES AU — one-off idea I had. Each of the characters are celestial beings (or gods/admins) that rule over specific biomes. A collab AU with @thegreatnure, if you have any questions you can also ask them about this AU!! The story isn't complete yet, but the main characters are the YouTubers. There's all sorts of discord amongst the gods that needs to be fixed.

AXOLOTL AU — little AU where the Adventure Trio (after Jack is killed in season 2) are revived as axolotl's and are found by Ivor after the Older Order breaks up. It's a small AU idea I had to while talking to @/thegreatnure—THE SECOND FIC I'VE EVER POSTED!!!!

HIGH SCHOOL AU — collab au with @/br0ken-camera! It's exactly what it sounds like. There's not much story to this other than plays on the canon story and little headcanons that I'll post about sometimes

TRAILS AU — This is an AU I thought of a while ago. The story follows M!Jesse and F!Jessi, Player One and Player Two. They explore a puzzle filled game and interact with the different residents of the world. They find out what happened to the game and why development had ended. A virus had intruded the game and then the characters started acting odd, that was what they were told.

WHITE PUMPKIN IVOR — so. third AU I've ever worked on. It's pretty much what it sounds like and I might rewrite it sometime in the future.

GAME SHOW AU — this.. is a WORK IN PROGRESS!!! I was watching Traitors and thought.. Hey. What if MCSM AU. I will make a different blog for this is the future <3

DESERTED AU — An apocalyptic AU. After a nuclear war, the land has been stripped of most life. The planet is dying slowly. Radiation hangs in the air. There's a fight going on against humans (normal, for now) and creatures (those mutated by the climate/chemicals). This will be an RP blog that I'll work on in the future!!!

I will update when I make another AU or change something. Other than that, have a good day!!

MISTAKEN AU — Vos looks too much like Romeo.. Sadly, no one sees him as just Vos.

[sorinethemastermind]

Look in my eyes and you’ll find my soul

In which something changes (but Soren isn't sure what yet). Co-written and edited by the amazing @honeii-puff! I write the Soren POV chapters, she writes the Corvus POV chapters. Also on Ao3 and it has a playlist!

Soren was ninety percent sure that something was up. Okay, eighty. But either way, something was definitely going on. Because Corvus was acting very un-Corvus-y. 

After he’d fetched Buckeye the group of them had forged across the river, Corvus trailing a little behind them. And seeing as Rayla was still giving him the occasional stink eye for not having told them about his plan, Soren had decided to join him.

“How’s the wrist?” he asked, falling into step beside his friend.

“It’s fine.” 

“Mhm.” Soren wasn’t convinced. “But like, is it fine or is it fine.”

“It’s fine, Soren.” Corvus told him.

Soren nodded. “Ah, yes. In that case, I suggest getting it checked out as soon as we make camp.”

“But I said-”

Soren just shook his head. “You’d do the same for me.”

“Yes. I suppose I would.” Corvus looked away. Probably to study, like, deer prints or something. 

After a few minutes of silence (oddly awkward silence, which was unusual for them) Soren cleared his throat. “So… how did, uh, King Ezran take it?”

Corvus’ already wandering gaze drifted farther away. “About as well as one would expect.”

“So… bad, then?”

“It could have been worse.” Corvus supplied, by way of explanation. The vaguer he was, the more anxious Soren felt.

“It will be fine, Soren. He’ll understand, once you tell him.”

“Yeah. Once I tell him.” Soren laughed a little under his breath, but it had the opposite effect he’d hoped and Corvus’ gaze swung in his direction.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“Why wouldn’t I want to?”

“I’m not sure,” Corvus admitted. “But it’s your choice. Whatever you decide, I’ll support you.”

Now it was Soren’s turn to look away. “Well, thanks.”

Silence descended again, and Soren tugged subconsciously at his scarf. Corvus’ scarf, he corrected himself. Which he was wearing. Still. Because Corvus had given it to him. Because Corvus cared-

“Do you want your scarf back?” he blurted.

“Um, why?”

“I don’t know. I just… figured… I’d offer?”

Corvus considered it. “No. You still need it. Anyway, it suits you. It brings out your eyes.”

“Oh.” Soren wasn’t really sure what to say to that, and Corvus seemed to notice, turning away to study the ground again.

“I, uh, am gonna go talk to Rayla real quick,” Soren said into the silence. “Make sure she knows where we’re going.”

“Good idea.”

Soren hurried on ahead, only glancing back at his friend a few times. 

He walked with Runaan and the lovebirds the rest of the way, helping to navigate (pretending he was helping them navigate). In reality, his thoughts seemed to be lingering on what was behind him on the trail rather than what was ahead.

Anyway, Rayla seemed to have the navigation mostly under control. 

She led them through woodland that was steadily becoming more and more alien to Soren; the trees growing taller, the brush thicker. Sometimes creatures would scamper through the underbrush that he had no recollection of ever seeing before. Familiar, but just strange enough to make him stare.

And yet he couldn't enjoy it because all he could think about was Corvus and not the fact that the squirrel he’d just seen had three tails. That was so many tails! He should really be staring at that and not glancing back over his shoulder to make sure his friend - who was perfectly capable of walking in a straight line - was doing okay.

It was weird and he wasn’t sure if he liked it. Alright, fine. He sort of liked it. He just didn’t understand it.

It had all just been so sudden. Soren kept trying to trace it back to some kind of source, as if that would explain what the funny, fluttery and nervous feeling in his stomach was. But it didn’t, because the closest that he could think of was the moment when he realized Corvus had been hurt in the Banther attack - and that didn’t make any sense. Why would he get all weird about Corvus getting hurt? They got hurt all the time.

Actually, now that Soren thought of it, he got hurt all the time. He wasn’t so sure about Corvus. 

“Hey-” 

Soren was jerked suddenly backwards by the collar of his shirt, flickering back into reality as Rayla stopped him from walking into a tree.

“Did you hear me? I said we were setting up camp for the night.”

“Uhm, yeah.” Soren swiveled, leaning against the tree he’d nearly face planted into and crossing his arms over his chest. “I just thought this tree looked… comfy.”

“Uh huh.” Rayla raised an eyebrow at him, but didn’t argue. “Well, if you’re so chummy with the trees, why don’t you go and get us some firewood, then?”

“Yeah, alright.” Soren sighed, pushing off from the tree and walking into the woods. He considered mentioning that he had gotten the firewood last night too, but didn’t bother.

He had the biggest, strongest arms, anyway. So he could carry more.

He gathered what wood they would need quicker than he had the night before, though, hurrying back to camp once he had finished and dumping it on the ground. He left Callum to setting up the fire, instead scanning the makeshift camp for Corvus. For a moment he didn’t see him, and his mind flashed to Banthers, but then he spotted him a little ways further into the wood, tying his horse up next to a small trickling stream.

Soren sauntered over, leaning against a nearby tree until Corvus looked up and noticed him. The other man sighed.

“You’re not going to give this a rest, are you?”

“Nope. Now come on, let me see your wrist.”

Corvus offered it to him, and Soren took it gingerly, unbuckling his gauntlet and setting it aside.

“Well, it’s definitely swollen.” he said, staring at it. “We should do something about that.”

“Soren?”

“Yes?” Soren paused, finger hovering above the swollen spot in question.

“Are you about to… poke my injury?”

“I, uhm, what are you supposed to do?”

“Not that,” Corvus informed him. “Anything but that.”

“Okay,” Soren lifted his hand, turning it over and looking at each side in turn. He squinted at it, muttering things that he thought probably sounded thoughtful under his breath.

“The bruising is more on the left side, therefore-”

Corvus pulled his arm back. “I’ll just wrap it up. It should be better in a few days.”

“Let me get you something to wrap it with!” Soren said, hurrying back to the others before Corvus could stop him.

“Hey, Callum, you have a bag.”

“Uhm, yes.”

“Do you happen to have bandages in it?”

“Why would I-”

“I’ll just double check.”

“Soren!” Corvus’ voice made him turn his head and Callum took the opportunity to snatch his bag back.

“I have the supplies.” Corvus called, lifting up his own satchel. He was already taking some of them out, setting them on a nearby fallen log. But his wrist was clearly more injured than he was letting on, because he was doing everything one handed.

Soren jogged over, making Corvus sit down and kneeling in front of him. “Here. Let me do it.”

He unpacked the rest of Corvus’ supplies, letting the other many guide him through the process of carefully wrapping and splinting his wrist. 

“There we go.” Soren said, finishing it off with a little bow on top. Corvus blinked down at his newly adorned wrist. 

“What?” Soren asked, scooping the rest of the supplies back into the other man’s bag. “It doesn’t have to be just practical. It can be pretty too.”

“Well, thank you.” Corvus gingerly tested the splint. Having repacked everything, Soren pushed himself to his feet and slung the satchel over a nearby branch before sitting beside Corvus. 

That same, fluttery feeling was still there. But now that Soren thought about it, maybe it wasn’t so new. And maybe it wasn’t so bad, either. Even if he didn’t know what it was for. 

“I’m glad you followed us.”

“Thanks for making my job easier.”

Soren grinned at him. “Not like you needed the help.” 

“Maybe not.” Corvus admitted. “But I appreciated it all the same.”

“I’m also glad you’re okay. I got worried there, for a sec. It’s usually me running into danger.” Soren laughed, but Corvus didn’t seem to find it funny. 

“You were in trouble.” The other man explained simply.

“Well, it’s good to know you’ve got my back.” Soren beamed at him. 

Corvus’ voice was soft as he replied, “Always.”

[macaroniandpheez]

[ceoofvillainmc]

A deep dive into Xavier's mentality. It's kind of free form idk if you can call it a drabble or what but I was feeling inspired after his branch so accept this word vomit ❤️

Contains spoilers!!!!!!!

Xavier has always carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.

First as Prince of Philos, then as it's sole saviour, branded as a traitor and lost to the stars.

As captain of the backtrackers it was him who bore the weight of his team members. Their hopes, their determination, their lives.

And it was him who bore their resentment when they realised their mission had failed, that they were never going home, that they were trapped on an alien planet with nothing but secrets for company.

That much is evident with Soren. Xavier bore it all. It was his fault, his failure, his responsibility.

I think that's why he personally hunted down his team members when they turned. It was least he could do, as their captain. They wouldn't have become like that if it weren't for him. He brought them here on his mission. It was his fault, his failure, his responsibility.

Xavier never wanted his burdens. He hated them all. He longed for freedom, for monotony. He was so, so tired.

I think that's why he hates Lumiere so much. Besides the jealousy, the obvious secret of his identity, he recoils at every mention of the legend, steers clear as if it burns him.

He never wanted to be Lumiere but I think guilt drove him to become him. Xavier just wanted peace but he couldn't let the people of Earth suffer knowing full and well he was capable to stop it. The identity of Lumiere was born bitterly and in reluctance. Xavier never wanted to be a hero, he wanted to be Xavier, just Xavier.

But it was his fault, his failure, his responsibility.

Besides, he has something to protect.

I think his obsession, his reverence, his protectiveness of MC is out of love, but over time I think there's something else. Something he doesn't want to acknowledge.

Throughout all of his burdens, from his days as Prince, MC was his sanctuary. Curious and compassionate, bold and bright. Infuriatingly reckless, but he didn't hate it either. It took someone reckless to steal a Prince from under the noses of his entourage, just because he looked like he needed it.

With her, he could be Xavier, just Xavier. And after all those years, he needs her, his guiding starlight. He would've fallen apart long ago under the weight of it all without her. I think part of the reason he's so desperate to not lose her is because he's scared of what he'll become without her. With no home, no mission, no team, no hope, she's all he has left.

He loves her so much but doesn't feel worthy of her. Not after all he's done, all his secrets. He doesn't want to weigh her down. I think it's similar to why he's so short with Jeremiah, despite him being his last and oldest friend. Jeremiah should hate him. Xavier doesn't know why he doesn't. After all, it's his fault, his failure, his responsibility.

How many decades has he spent feeling like this? How many times has he repeated those words?

Sometimes, on his worst days, when he's all but swallowed whole by the bodies in his wake, the secrets he keeps and the endless abyss of time, he feels his father's hand on his shoulder. He's long since forgotten his face, but he can never, will never forget his voice.

An encouraging squeeze to his shoulder, as he speaks in Xavier's ear. Not proud, never proud, but smug.

"You would've made a great King."

[kali-lamb]

im 100% late for this but OH WELL (kali is the goddess of life btw) BLOG RULES!!!! ---------------------------------------------------- Mod things [Talks like this] pronouns: She/They (demi-girl) names for mod: Mod, Green, Coi, Azai Be patient with me, i dont understand things well -------------------------------------------------- 1. one the -8% possibility PLEASEEEE don't get thirsty (I will cry violently) 2. Remember, none of my Lambsona is canon 3. because of my situation i often answer at night 4. remember this is an art blog too, i will random drop in lore, or me fighting Kallie again 5. This happened on my Sozo account, PLEASE dont put "go.fund.me asks" as questions. or any thing asking for help, i will only delete them because they do not belong on my Acc's and i CANNOT PAY, i am BROKE, please stop tagging me in these aswell 5. remember, we say some crazy stuff here. Swearing, Adult jokes and Cananblistic things are all said here. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

I don't think I have more to say lol, ask and have fun!!! Kali talks like this <<Kali's Actions>> [Mod talks like this] ----------------------------------------------------OTHER BLOGS [that dont belong to me] The one who waits "Narinder"- @ask-theredcrown House cat Narinder "Narinder" - @follower-nari-blog The Bishop of chaos "Leshy" - @ask-thegreencrown The Bishop of Famine "Heket" - @askthe-yellowcrown Another heket, Yarnors mother figure @ask-theyellowcrown The bishop of pestilence "Kallamar" -@ask-thebluecrown The bishop of War and Knowledge "Shamura" -@ask-thepurplecrown The lamb before all the nightmares take hold @lambpregame the cult leader "the Lamb" - @askacultleader Ascended lamb "Lamb" @no-less-than-a-lambgod ---------------------------------------------------- Other friends and foes [I own the Sozo one] She of sleep @the-sleepydragon The little Poet - @askthe-littlepoet The cannibalistic spider "Helob" - @helob-the-spider ... "Sean" - @pbamoney Techinclly my Nephew!! "Tug" @tug6056 Our little brother "Yarnor" - @yarnor-the-timid-raccoon (new acc cuz old one was hacked )An Insane version of my little brother. a monstrous version indeed @the-insane-raccoon-creator First dude i revived as goddess of life(?) "?" @spellcaster-dude The TV guy whos no longer in a tv...? "scanny" @scannys-back The nebula anon! "neb" @thenebulaanon Nebs Aunt "Andromida" @forgottenaunt-andromeda Cult Of The Alpaca "denny" @askdennycotl My baby Slugcats!!!! "Salt And Sura" @saltandsura-slugcats What remains of the Anon Inc @whatremains-of-anoninc The taloring spider "alina" @spider-anons-tailor-shop My brothers partner "Darkwood Hunter" @ask-darkwood-hunter THE FOG??? @the-foggy-remnants The followers of the old faith @the-followers-of-the-old-faith Neb AUS @intothecosmos-neb-aus New sister!!! "ellie" oh and a vessel i guess @ask-ellie-and-navi My goat counterpart and god of sleep "somnus" @mangoorou She of Purgatory @sheofpurgatory The clicking hunter @cold-and-hardened-insect Do not threaten me again, 'Angel' @death-angel-01 The Fox, The Owl, and the Alien @bruno-thebloodthirstyanon The Cakeine "Sprinklezz" @sprinklezztheanon Yet another lamb, Clove @cult-leader-clover Another owl, this one of smog @bioluminescentanonigor ------------------------------------------------- The blogs I own Kali - @kali-lamb (where you are right now) Azai(or Coi) - @azai-coi (mod acc) StreamFall - @from-the-pearled-waters ----------------------------------------------------Information about the Lambsona AU i use

[so basically shes the lamb from a different dimension, like the goat. she somehow dimension hopped though and everything back home for her is gone now, so she stays. in her world they burned the lambs instead of beheading them. and her bishops/chained god are different] [Leshy = Soren (Snail)]

[Heket = linkino (lizard)]

[Kallmar = Abrey (Axolotl)]

[Shamura = Cinter (centipede)]

[Narinder = Asteria (Rabbit)]

[Aym and Baal = Strike and Bo (Rabbits)] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ READ THIS -> ... & ... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ INSANE NEB AU SONG LIST HERE Last updated: (1/30/25)

Timeline of Kali's Life here ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ People you can talk to on this blog: deceased but can be contacted via ghost spell* [Mod Coi or Azai] Kali - Main OC Ivan - Kali's Older brother* (born first but due to age he died at he acts younger) Aiter - Kali's Father* <- changed his name Octavia - Kali's Mother* Crownie - Kali's Crown Ivan (different) - Kali and her deceased wife (igott)'s son (contact with Igott has been unsuccessful) Marisai - Kalis Verison of ratau ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Epic the musical AU -> X3 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ KALI AU'S YOU MAY ASK ABOUT!! (Click here!!!) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The fallen blogs, Forever missed :( Flashbang-Guy fluffpuffsofwar ask-cottonofthefaith ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Playlist for kali on YT -> !!!

[tlkshowhost]

“  besides which lucille would never understand me /

i like too many things / get all confused and hung-up

running from one falling star to another other till I drop.

this is  the  night  /  what  it does  to  you  /

i  had  nothing  to  offer  anybody  except  my  own confusion.  ”

pinterest.

basics

full name: soren dean askelson

age: twenty six

pronouns: he/him

sexuality: bicurious

star sign: sagittarius

label: the beat dropout

occupation: dj at the warehouse

theme song: i can change by lcd soundsystem

aesthetics:

funny text on t-shirts worn under striped and oversized button ups barely showing quirky belt buckles. walking home the day after an all nighter feeling like an alien but still stopping to help an elderly carrying groceries. crashing on the sofa, falling asleep still dressed with mouth agape and face smashed against the cushions, crooking your sunglasses. an acid bass line and people dancing and losing themselves in the crowd. the last recess of sixth grade, red swings and blue slides and all around laughter. vintage cameras and pictures that look straight out of your childhood ( the sun always burns its way through it ). the smokey neon lit hallway that brings from the club's entrance to the dance floor. a deadpan delivery and endless amount of jokes you pick like a magician does with rabbits from his hat. smoking outside with your back against the pub's windows as you sip your drink and talk about sweet nothings. sleepless nights spent listening to newly bought vinyls, smoking cigarettes on the floor. sitting the grass, rays hitting your face so much that you have to squint your eyes while you talk. the deep and constant feeling of nostalgia gnawing at your insides ( you can never go back ). looking at someone backlit and only seeing their silhouette. laughing so hard you have to lean on people. a distant kid's giggle echoing through empty hallways.

info: ( mental health tw, death tw )

born and raised in red creek, soren was known for his shiny blonde hair and his matching grin. he spent all of his childhood running around the streets, his lively giggles echoing through the walls. it was hard to keep him still and quiet for too long, and while at first his parents tried—knowing the town's history—they soon realized that their house was too small for his exuberance, and that it was better to let him out and let his loquaciousness flow over everyone he encountered, welcoming him back only when he was tired, knees scraped, and cheeks red from running. ( disapproving looks were shot his way by his father while he was turned, chasing lizards, and his mother would tell him to let him be, that he was still just a boy. )

in middle school came disillusionment. kids can be mean, and often if a boy doesn’t like chasing a ball around and speaks a bit softer than usual, they don’t tend to like it. so soren fell into a different crowd than his parents wished for, but he grew to love it: how all his friends looked a bit weird and liked all sorts of different things. he himself tried picking and choosing what suited him best. his father would look at him sideways every time he showed up looking a bit more rugged than usual, but he could never fully complain—soren was the best in his years and always somehow accomplished what was asked of him.

it was only fair, perhaps, for his father to strive for perfection; he tied it to a good reputation. they didn’t come from wealth, and while they weren’t poor, they lived modestly. his father had started working for ezra hastings in the late '80s and soon became obsessed with kissing ass and licking boots, consumed by the compulsion of appearing. soren would later shout at him in a fit of rage, calling him a weak, pitiful man still desperate for approval from a dead man.

high school came, and soren became a master of sneaking out and getting away with things. his crew evolved from misfits to troublemakers, the kind who’d hang out by the crumbling thorne house, earning their place among the older kids through dares and defiance. his brother elias, well known and widely respected, was their unspoken ticket in. ( daniela sometimes joined them, her presence a quiet storm. soren felt something there, in the way her glances lingered and their touches held weight. but nothing came of it—only whispered conversations about dreams and fears, their futures unfolding like stars they couldn’t quite touch. he could feel memories of their shared childhood in every word they spoke, how they always felt close and special. )

from 14 to 16, it was a daze. it was all parties, music, and breaking rules (caught two times out of six). soren realized how much he loved that kind of life—the freedom, the thrill, the soundtrack that carried them through it all. but it ended abruptly, faster than it should have. one day, it was laughter and sneaking back home with elias, both of them breathless with joy; the next, it was a deafening quiet and the ringing in his ears as he stood at a grave.

he never got over it, the way his brother was there one moment and gone the next. everything became muted, numb, and unbearably painful. everywhere he looked, he saw elias—his shadow in every corner, a memory haunting every step. soren stopped talking for a while, stopped going out, his grief sharp and wild like a wounded dog. psychiatrists and pills followed, along with well-meaning strangers who never seemed to know the right thing to say. soren hated them for it, hated the world for going on without his brother. who can grow me an older brother? by the time he reached 17, he felt like a snail flicked from a wall, tumbling in his own shell.

his life turned back around while skipping rocks at the lake, alone, half-drunk on a tuesday, a red bruise blooming on his cheek from a fight. he was waiting for weed, but instead, he found ????, or maybe ???? found him. a bit younger than elias would’ve been, a bit tougher in ways elias never had to be, yet carrying the same strength in his eyes and a gentleness in his hands. they bonded over their grief, shared their losses, and found in each other a mirror for the pieces they’d been missing. soren started showing up at ????’s house more and more, slowly rediscovering the life that had been drained from him. ???? became his compass, pushing him to dream again, to leave red creek and chase the life he’d always imagined, not the one picked out for him. soren packed his things, left for new york, and dove headfirst into the unknown.

over the years, he’d return to visit friends and family, but this time, his stay has stretched longer than usual. he says it’s temporary, just to keep his parents company, but the truth is, it’s because of daniela’s disappearance. ( like a true dreamer, he still hopes that someday, somehow, their quiet affection will blossom into the kind of love that lasts a lifetime. ). and some desperate shot at finding closure.

headcanons:

is vry much on the verge of a complete breakdown. he would never show it nd still has his usual vibrant and effortless charm but is actually going insane, being in a place he thought he had gotten out of with now 2 ghosts chasing him! this is how I will begin writing him.... with a hint of hidden desperation..... might make him crash out eventually nd have him pick a fight he knows he'll lose.

he's in complete denial of everything atm. but only because he doesn't really want to deal with the consequences of acceptance. he's just like..... i will bottle this up nd save this for another day.... grin.... while for tonight there just simply not a killer on the loose.

feels like a soft boyhood and a warm sunny spring day. except the boyhood got cut short and it's all cuts and bruises and tears on crimson cheeks but you still like picking pretty flowers and chasing lizards, and the warm sunny spring day is one after pulling an all lighter using... various forms of help wink wink so yeah the sun's on your skin and you're laying on the grass and it's all great but also you're on a comedown and you don't necessarily feel real.

his whole persona is if a tortured poet a jester both active members of the city's nightlife went on a three days bender and somehow got merged into one. also idk to me he looks like if leonardo di caprio in romeo and juliet and shaggy from scoobydoo did the same thing and also got merged together.

huuuuuge music and movies nerd. has an infinite collection of vinyls and goes to the cinema every other day. his room is a mess of keyboards and gadgets and cables 'cause he doesn't only dj but also plays live electronic sets nd he's suuuuuuch a geek about it. also watched 2 many movies and read 2 many books so now sometimes he kinda just talks and act like somebody from either of them. also comes from the habit he had of daydreaming continuously as a kid, now instead of having a kind of derealization where he zones out he has one where he just acts a bit funky.

he's like...... the biggest romantic from afar. soooo good at pining and yearning ( def writes poems or smth )but when he comes to the practicality of it all he self sabotages. way too guarded. new york taught him well on casual hook ups tho! also uses humor to deflect stuff. vry good at that. he's like.... let's all giggle and laugh 'cause if we don't we might start actually crying! like life stops the second you stop having fun 'cause it all comes hurtling at you.

loves and hates new york, loves and hates red creek. it's like...... new life vs everything i've killed in order to have it nd i can't be normal about it. nostalgia will eat me alive on a sunny day.

takes sm pictures and videos on vintage cameras, esp of the people he loves, nd he def has the best insta account. he's the person to go to if u need new stuff for ur feed or if u need to go thrifting. he cars way 2 much about having a good niche outfit on but.... he does look rlly good.

neeeeeeever talks abt his brother nd he never says anything that actually matters abt Daniela. all secrets nd no talking.

has a hard time replying to message but might do it on a random thursday at 4 am

wcs:

his friend group! def stayed close through everything although maybe it sometimes faltered, but they pushed through. it's like nothing ever changed every time they're together, and maybe they went to visit soren in new york. he def would've offered both his bed nd couch.

on that note i would also luv for him to have a best friend. knew each other from childhood nd all. r basically reflections of each other. saw this video of these two kids skating and one falls cause of a pebble nd the other one grabs it nd is like 'here it is. do u wanna pee on it?'. this kind of dynamic but like for a lifetime. this. I do see this as a male presenting character.

but! I'd love for him to have like a powerful bad bitch female presenting friend nd he's just her loyal dog basically.

also! a friend he had a falling out with hehehehehehe. like . also if this develops into something that can evolve around the whole... 'for old time's sake' thing I might... combust

calling all party people!!!!!! def know each other nd prob fairly well. might let u backstage.

buddies he goes to the movies with or listens to vinyls with.

the ???? mentioned in his backstory. all details can be discussed.

any kind of past / current fling????

literally anyone and anything. he never shuts tf up and talks to anyone abt anything. he def knows your character. threat.