#soooooo same old same old
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Shrouded
#ten billion ff14 things i could draw (and want to draw!) and yet i just keep drawing the exarch over and over#soooooo same old same old#what can i say his aesthetic vibe is so distinct#flight's making things again#ff14#ff14 shadowbringers#ffxiv#final fantasy xiv#final fantasy 14#crystal exarch
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What if i was a monster and you were a human and for all reason we should be opposed to the other yet fall in love anyways? What if it actually happens exactly Because you are mortal and i undead? What if we had an eye for finding the cracks in everyone but only recognized it in ourselves with eachother? What if i couldnt stand dragging you down to the hell of my nature so i free you to live without the burden of remembering what its like loving me?
What if you loved me for my power, how unfathomably supernatural i was, but then met me for the first time again 50 years later as an obedient servant and you still couldnt take your eyes off me? What if i was above you then below you and intrigued you just the same?
What if we loved and hated eachother and continue to do both because its all just different ways to say “you have a hold on me i cant shake?”
Because what if you became the first person to understand me as a being beyond the roles ive lived? What if I am not just the devil, master, slave, servant or hurting child i once was, but all of it and more, wholly incapsulated under the title of being your lover?
#HOLD MY HAND. DO U SEE THE LONG TERM SLOW BURN VISION HERE.#I GET SOOOOOO GIDDY THINKING ABOUT IT#armand being obsessed with breaking people down#honing in on weak points to get the conclusion he wants#and daniel doing the exact same thing as a journalist. And theyre both very successful#what happens when the curious beautiful boy becomes a snappy sick old man unphased by your power#and prods relentlessly. The surface level parameters of the original dynamic are gone and still#You love him#iwtv#interview with the vampire#devils minion#daniel molloy#armandaniel#armand
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Stop flirting....
#btw i have zero context for *when* that pic is from in the press con#but this is the only time they talk to/about each other in the transcript#so it is my headcanon that they are the same moment 🤭🤭#but god yet another exchange i would kill someone to get the video of#it just comes off in the transcript as so old married couple bickering??????#'oh *now* youre paying attention. was the light bothering you? was it really that bad for you'#'yes it was in fact disturbing me >:('#'youre being such a baby 🙄 the light in here is just as bright“#'alright sure mr. privileged man whos in the best car. of course you wouldn't understnd my struggles 😒'#'well maybe you shoul've just backed off and let me drive 🥺 i was already beating you whats the point'#'ummm actually no you werent'#mark: i am going to shoot myself#but its sooooooo funny seb being like aww dw 🥺🥺 i was trying to build a gap 🥺🥺 to shield your sensitive eyes 🥺#CAN WE PLEASE TALK THOUGH ABOUT SEB PATTING HIS CAP !!!!!!! SOOOOOO CUTE#no matter the actual context of the pic hes still 100% being an annoying brat to nando. I just know it#race weekend over. back to the content people TRULY care about: vettonso.(😭)#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#vettonso#2013 italian gp
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OLD MEN WERE TEMPTING ME...........
#the concert has ended. christ alive#full review and thoughts incoming whenever i get around to it. nevermind ill do it now#OLD MEN WERE TEMPTING ME!!!!!!!!!!!#going into this i thought id be fine. normal even. WRONG AGAIN!#oh adrian. how could i have forgotten the immense fondness i had for you#i didn't forget but all the Adrian Feelings came back like thats really him 🫵#hes so charmingggggggg. jesus#and i thought it was bad with spars/russell doing cocomelon shit to me last year. and that may still take the cake but#tony levin playing that funky music god you love to see it in person. which i never have!#adriannnnnnn. his smile is so infectious he radiates joy like no one else its incredible. and so so endearing#steve vai............ it seems ive grown quite fond of you. actually it was more like i was suddenly like 👁️#hes uh. well hes sure something#OH i should also discuss the meet n greet well it was very short just kinda shaking hands and saying hi (awkwardly on my part)#nice hands steve vai. moving on#ADRIAN NOTICED MY SHIRT (it was a pic of him from one of his solo albums) and he was like 'i recognize that guy!' like dhfkgkfkg#i was also lovingly squished next to ade for the photo. hes sooooooo <3 sorry im sounding like gushy 2019 me but come on its adrian#tony levin is so sweet hes like the best uncle ever. i love himmmmmmmm#his funky fingers were funking!!!!!#oh oh have to say adrian sounds INSANELY good vocally holy shit it sounds the same as the 80s. hes such an underrated singer#im soooooo wowie wow. what a show guys. if i remember more ill elaborate later but thats all for now (waitin around by the stage door)
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satoru whines, suguru coos, toji teases
#if you get it you get it if you don’t you don’t#satoru is a whiner and whimpers and is soooooo loud he’s literally like a camboy#suguru coos at you… condescending yet fond yet he also wants to break you and put you back together again#toji is older so he loves teasing you… mean old man :< makes you beg and smirks when he has you right where he wants you (underneath him)#need them all at the same time.#personal
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left welsh cakes & a note w my name & phone number in the mailboxes of the rest of the flats here & ONE (1) of SEVEN (!!!) (though i think 1 flat is actually vacant) texted me saying ‘hi im so & so :)’ & i’m now harassing her like so ur my new bestieeeee
#stream#i just NEED to have someone living nearby to confide in or i will kill myswlf#ALSKALSKALSKAKKSLAKSLA like u know the person that lives there w u that u can drunkenly ramble to bc yall live together#in this case it’s not even ‘live together’ like they’re all self contained like it’s like living in a hotel it kinda makes me laugh just#imagine no reception desk that is EXACTLY how it feels like u can’t think american hotel u gotta think british hotel but not only british#it’s just an old mansion that has been turned into separate rooms or use the separate rooms as rooms / flats or whatever#i mean that’s essentially what i’m living in#& i love it i wanted to live in 1 of these bastards so bad idc if there’s black mould that’s this entire country; a rotting cesspit - but#it’s soooooo cuteeeeeee it’s like 130 years old the building#original walls & ceilings it’s GORGGGGGGGG#the original idk what to call it there’s this british thing where u tile the walls of the entrance or like stoop of the home & then they’ll#put like a ‘family name’ or ‘the street number’ in like stained glass this is NOT AT ALL a MODERN british thing like a total of 0 NEW HOMES#WILL HAVE THIS SHIT IS LIKE PREWAR#WAR BEING WW1 😭😭😭😭#it’s just ughhhhhh girl i love it & the uk likes to retain character to new developments & redevelopments so they literally made it policy#to maintain ugly ass buildings which makes me laugh but GOOD as it SHOULD#like i mean double edged sword gentrification is it can still be in the same character or change character but it’ll be gentrified so :(#WHICH IS WHY U PLAN FOR POOR & LOW INCOME HOUSING !!!!!!#council housing my beloved 😍😍😍
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dear gerard way. my name is judeiscariot from tumblr and i am your biggest fan. i am wonderinf when you will re release the ride it like you stole it t shirt. if you could do this for me i would be very grateful. i would be even more grateful if you could make it cost $5.99 and/or send it to me directly for free because as mentioned above i am your biggest fan. attached below is my full legal name, social security number, blood type and personal home address. thank you amen
#i need it so bad and they sell reprints online but it’s not the same i need the real deal#they released all those old designs in october gerard you want to do it again so bad#and the stigmata shirt you want to re release the stigmata shirt soooooo bad#jude.txt
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finally got one of these cool bags, starting off with my favorite and largest pin (and the only pin i can reach without getting into the storage closet 😅)
#it's the exact same size as my old DS bag from like 2006 i am SOOOOOO happy abt that#i've been chasing down a bag that exact same size for YEARS. i carried that thing around religiously#i still have it but it's uh. it's been through it jdhdjh#but yea i have. So Many pins. and i hate putting holes in my clothes!!!#but now i can stick them on this sheet that is Meant to have holes in it and can be replaced without replacing the bag...#i have. so many pins. i usually just sit them around on my shelves#now i can have them on display after all these years#they're mostly pokemon pins but i have a few others :0#hopefully i can find them all tomorrow :D i cant get in the closet rn my dad is home and he'll be weird abt it#chat
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Fun fact: a lot of the story ideas I have came from the world I designed for an Apocalypse World game, and at the time I was reading @attollogame and loved Sysba and wound up making a character with a similar premise of being a god banished to live in a human body. That character took on a life of their own and became like everybody's favourite NPC. But they were really specific to that game's story at that point and were very fultifaceted, so when I started writing Signal Hill (which has a totally different plot) I decided to split their role in the story into two different characters, Yvette and Aldrich.
In other words, if you trace it far enough back, 1/3 of my main cast is just Sysba from Attollo
#i expect a cease and desist in the mail promptly#i am joking ofc ames your work is soooooo beautiful and very literally inspirational haha#i'm posting this cause the other day i was talking to my partner about a book series i used to love as a kid called the unicorn chronicles#and i realized that the backstory of the character elihu is literally the same as the AW character in question#like man. inspiration in art is so weird#i hadn't even thought about that book series in years when i came up with that character#watch the tomska video about 'the somerton scale' it'll make you really think about your creative ideas and where they come from#and also he's funny#i've been meaning to do a bit of behind the scenes talk about the origins of signal hill if anybody's curious#i think that might be fun. the process of coming up with it is very roundabout#ALSO IN CASE ANYBODY THINKS THIS IS A SPOILER. IT'S NOT. neither character in signal hill is a god in human form that would be fucking wild#yvette is just yvette <3 aldrich........ well their storyline was ripped from an old story i wrote and never finished. not spoiling that#also there is no cannibalism in signal hill. none. i prommy#yet...
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The memory of this ancient animutation suddenly crawled its way into the forefront of my mind the other day, so I have to share it since it has some Powerpuff Girls stuff included in it that has been baked into my brain for forever. I wonder if there's anyone else who remembers this...
youtube
#the part with mojo getting beaten by snowboards after harassing the utenapuff........ yep it's all still in my cranium#after all these years#so crazy that this is like 20+ years old#it feels like the internet hasn't changed all that much and yet has changed SOOOOOO so so much at the same time#Youtube
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been laying here listening to Lucky by Dermot Kennedy on loop for half an hour while thinking about Everything Stays and crying
#it’s good crying dw i am just. i have so many feelings about this story#Seven’s Celestial Commentary#Everything Stays#writing stuff#i may be stuck in bed struggling to type due to personal reasons but that will Not stop me from cooking up ideas for this fic#there is gonna be so much fucking angst and it’s gonna hurt soooooo good#the more i listen to it the more the possibilities expand#i can easily see Moon and Reader going back and forth between verses vulnerably arguing over Sun#but i can also see it being Sun and Moon getting real and discussingcougharguingover Reader#can’t decide which i like more#god i wish y’all could see this story the way it plays out in my head#next best thing would be to keep writing and sharing the story instead of vagueposting abt future plot points tho wouldn’t it lmao#and GOD don’t even get me fucking STARTED on Two Hearts…#Dermot Kennedy’s music is responsible for yet Another plot point for this story and i can’t even be mad about it. his fucking lyricsss dude#‘and so we jump to the THEATER??? in that SAME OLD TOWN???’ DO WE? FUCK I GUESS WE DO NOW!!!#picture me listening to that song and inspiration hitting me like a truck. diligently taking notes like the lyrics r instructions from God#‘she sees his face?? and HE sees HER as the LIGHTS GO DOWN???’ write that down write that down#‘the life that they should’ve had sat between them that night??’ FUCK Man yeah it sure did!!!#anyways it’s chill i’m chill. i’m very normal about my little stories and their musical inspirations!#and i’ve listened to these songs a very normal amount (translation: they will likely be in my top ten for the 2024 wrapped)#(cut to the scenes playing vividly in my head) ‘Well‚ at least I can always say that I /told/ her!’#‘I can’t relate to having a heart like that‚ Sun! With all of your wonder and your trust intact…’#like no i wouldn’t lift the lyrics directly for the song to use as dialogue but FUCk does it work well.. Lucky is such a good script for-#like- a heated conversation between my Relentlessly Positive Sun and my Apathetic Jaded Moon#‘How could our farewell mean as much as our time? Honey‚ I’ll be gone. It’s better if I’m something that you leave behind.’#‘I used to paint these trees‚ now I just scream at the sky. Honey I was wrong. Guess there’s certain things you never leave behind.’#*sobbing shaking throwing up clawing at the walls* I Am Normal About These Characters#anyways uh. on an unrelated note how many song lyrics do ya think i can cram into ES before it’s Too Many#gonna have to start getting creative with how i can incorporate more songs in a way that feels natural and not forced#even tho i am forcing it. i am forcing it very much bc i have songs with applicable lyrics and y’all Will read them one way or another
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this Tylenol ain’t shit w
#talkingcore#emotions. man.#there’s so much music that I just haven’t listened to in a bit and it’s making me feel things it’s not even like sad things I’m like damn#how long has it been since I’ve listened to beautiful stranger by Madonna as featured in Austin powers international man of mystery#but also something in my brain feels like it needs to cry like I don’t feel like I physically can but something needs to be released#so do I go pet sounds? smile? falsettos? I feel like I need to be in a sleeping bag and Contemplate#fun fact! Kendra Morris has an absolutely stunning cover of don’t talk (put your head on my shoulders)#I’m pretty neutral on beach boys covers tbh I’m never crazy about them since like they really never measure up#how many mid covers of god only knows can I take? not many. but like she & him have their little Brian Wilson tribute I like that.#the covers are a lot better when they don’t try to perfectly replicate whatever the fuck Brian Wilson was doing they aren’t him#brain wants to go melancholy mode but I’ve no clue over what. girl just tell me what I’m supposed to be sad over I’ll commit to the bit#need to keep listening to new stuff but also need old stuff Maybe that’s it maybe I just need old stuff again? like routine?? shit idk#also like at 5 am I woke up and remembered how in choir people kept comparing me to the director they had the year before me#and the thing is she had the same name as someone else in choir that was student teaching my first semester so I kept thinking they were#referring to her Id be in my choir fit my silly suit my proud butch uniform and they’d be like oh this is so ‘insert name’!#and it kept throwing me off because the student teacher was like. not like me at all so I was like fuck#what kind of girl core energies am I accidentally emitting this is Bad. so anyway 5 am I’m like fuck it I need to research this person#I search. find her. she’s butch. I’m blessed. they weren’t lying like man we do such a good job at being generic! yay!#butch And in choir! love to see it! keep thinking how I am destined to be like in my 40s doing mundane tasks#I’m gonna be soooooo good at watering plants and putting salt on the sidewalk before it snows and cleaning drains#need to be a dad mom so fucking bad you don’t get it I need to drive carpool and take off work for dentist trips and watch hgtv#AHHHH i think that got rid of some of the sad lfg💥💥💥💥this must be super long god damn sorry
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i cant call myself a lyrics person as a yung lean fan sorry i listen to this. and enjoy it
#i think hes a clever lyricist when he wants to be but his stuff from back then is soooooo#its funny though it reminds me of when my old boyfriend and his friends wld do stupid freestyle raps. which they wld have been the same age#as lean was when he made this 🤯 crazy
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Bartender Condiment King in Rogues #1
#condiment king#buddy standler#mitchell mayo#not sure which his name is. like it's a comic but also he's wearing the btas pickle hat soooooo#he appeared very little but he was everything my brother promised me he would be. so. satisfying reading experience#i know it isn't. but i feel like this comic should be set in the same continuity as catwoman: lonely city#it feels like pretty much the exact same premise except recycled with flash villains#that's not a criticism i think it's a fun comic#i'm enjoying it more than lonely city actually#but like. it would be funny if dc had an Old Person Verse for comics about elderly villains committing crimes
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been rewatching old videos all day
#i find the early 2011 dan annoying(bad way)—hes cute and funny but the internalized homophobia coming off as misogyny juat really gets to me#and then i have a crush on 2013-2015 dan. hes cute hes twinky hes british and hes hilarious#hes now hot (esp with the curls) but also twice my age and its more of seeing him as a cool uncle now??? its difficult to explain#in contrast#phil has throughout been a ray of sunshine which is actually why i dont like some of the solo stuff—i like dan's sarcastic humor better#but to be fair i prefer joint content no matter the era#back to phil— i LOVE 2011 phil. he's so cute and his humor while not my thing is just endearing#but my favorite phil is current phil. he's just fucking hilarious and the innuendos were always there but now you can see that theyre#intentionally made. he curses. it just feels more real idk#soooo yea my current state is the same as it was when i joined the fandom a few years back#oh special mention to dnp in the dan haircut video. they both look soooooo good i was like 👀👀 throughout#in the end im just a 16 year old girl what can i say
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idk how to reconcile my new self with my old self. also i fucking hate waiting. GRAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
#delete later#im getting a taste of my own medicine bc when im overwhelmed depressed etc i don’t even open emails or dms or whatever and then ifeel guilty#and let them build up and run away from them and literally do not reply for years. but ive been waiting for like 5 different but related#replies for 3ish days at this point and im soooooo impatient omg i want to bash my head into the wall.. and afaik no one i messaged has#opened the message despite being active online elsewhere which is EXACTLY what i do so i have no right to complain at all. but still. omggg#i just have a simple question (me and the ps5 voice) reply to my message boy#purrs#also.. ok yeah im gonna be honest about it even if there are consequences lol. idk why im on such a mission to get back all my old#characters but if i don’t i can and will go crazy. i don’t even do that kind of thing anymore and d*viantart is an irreversibly warped#landscape due in part to capitalism and in part to own mistakes and selfish actions. and i truly feel like my tumblr mutuals are the only#ones who understand me and feel safe and cozy on here. but i miss my old internet home. and i really miss my old internet friends and seeing#all the jokes we had and how we were all like interconnected w the same adopt groups and stuff and now we don’t even talk… it makes me so#sad and i feel weird messaging them just for the purpose of asking if they can give me back characters i gave them 4 years ago like a) you j#just don’t do that kind of thing i don’t think but b) it feels so transactional and would make the part of saying hey our friendship was#important to me when i was a teenager and even though we don’t talk anymore i think of you fondly and wish you well. like lollllll. and i#feel cringe even tracking them down / messaging them bc we are all jn our 20s now… embarrassing. but i am so mad at myself for letting those#friendships wither (not that i have the spoons to sustain them these days anyway but still) and for not keeping bettr track of my characters#when i sold them and for giving them up in the first place and for letting my old internet life just fall apart due to neglect bc it puts me#in a bind to try to piece it together again no matter how i try it and i shouldn’t try anyway. but i am so tempted to rn. lol#* itd make saying stuff abt appreciating friendship weird bc there’s a transaction tied in (source: i did this and feel weird and bad)#like the way i want to SCREAM seeing that dA ate all of the journals i made when i was a 14 year old and turned them into glitched polls. th#the way the wayback machine has terrible unreliable records of everything and i can never get some stuff back / track some stuff down. pain#anyways it’s stupid bc i feel cozy and listened to and as connected as i have the energy to be to all of u guys so why am i doing this. but#i miss the dA stuff too and i wish it wasn’t cringe and i wish i could have everything that’s ever been part of me all in one place. lol#also this doesn’t even take into account my poetry community on dA on my other account who i also felt so safe and cozy with and i abandoned#that too and lost touch with basically everyone even though we all knew each others deepest secrets for years.. the heartsickness of it all#anyways mutuals who knew me on deviantart i am clutching both your hands with impassioned urgency and kissing u on the cheeks. that’s all
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