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acewritingpoetry · 1 year

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I'm sorry I'm not in First Love love with you -

I'm sorry I can never give you that.

I'm sorry I gave my First Love love to someone else…

Who didn't have my First first love either.

I'm sorry I can never love you the way I loved my First Love (stay with me).

Never cautious and doubting;

never giddy learning I could be Loved;

never wholly and fully open, in a language only he could understand;

never confident in the years - not now.

I'm sorry I never waited months to change "I like you" to "I love you,"

or years to change "I love you" to "I'm in love."

I'm sorry I can never love you the way I loved learning his softness or helping him feed it.

I'm sorry I learned him at the same time I was learning so many aspects of myself.

To him, I'm sorry that I know him.

I'm sorry at times that I ever Knew him the way I did.

I'm sorry I know how he needs a love like a wildfire...

He shattered me so quickly when we were through.

I'm sorry that he knows me.

That when he Noticed me over a beer the next year, he had to laugh and say,

"some things never change."

I'm sorry to him, that he has to know me.

I'm sorry he has to devote a place in his history

to the things that are true about me -

to the things that were true about Us.

~

I'm sorry I'm not in Forever Love love with you.

I'm sorry: I could love you until the end of days but

I'm sorry, I cannot love you the way I love my brother.

Never so uncertain from year to year

and yet so core; so kindred; so vital.

I'm sorry I could never love you careful,

wishing I had more sway over the way you read our father’s lips.

I'm sorry I could never absorb you into my sense of self

or mark our histories on my skin.

I'm sorry I could never love you the way I love my mom. My dad.

Never angry, secure, undaunting, guaranteed.

Never vile and never pitch perfect beautiful.

I'm sorry I’ll never fight with you until we both feel insane,

only to quietly come back to the same room after some time

and clear the air with a story

told slow and long.

I'm sorry I could never trust you so deeply,

and break down, time after time when I realize you’ve been there forever.

~

I'm sorry I could have never loved my First Love the way I love you.

Never hot and disbelieving and totally overwhelmed,

Never open in a way I didn't know before,

Never so near to the comfortable discomfort of home.

Never surprised.

I'm sorry I could have never been so beautifully grateful as I am with you, for the ways

your differences from me make me breathe more tight,

but more easily.

I'm sorry I never cared that much to know him the way I care to know you -

Invested in your secrets,

Yearning for your mysteries,

Wishing I could share every gleaming facet of you with the whole world.

I love you, and I'm sorry how you hold me,

And I love you, and I'm sorry how you soothe me,

And I love you, and I'm sorry how you want to know me too.

I'm sorry I kept thinking in the book you gave me -

The heart in your heart -

That the beautiful pieces of Forever laid down

And intoned,

"I've never loved before, Or if I have it was nothing, And I'll never love again Or if I do it's make believe, All for you, all for you!"

But, I'm sorry, I heard.

And I'm sorry, that’s not true for me.

I have loved

and loved and loved

and I hope I will love

again and again and in all different ways.

I hope I love you again and again

I hope I love you every day new

Every day different

Every day, a love song in a new key.

You deserve it and so do I.

You deserve me and so do I…

And you, and us.

I'm sorry, my love, I love you so well, and so wrong, and so stupid

with all the wrong words

and a fraction of the right reverence.

I'm sorry I apologize when really,

I love you,

I’m not sorry.

Written 5/1/23

#That's a long one boys #but i do think it's pretty good to be honest #sooooo uh #yea #every and every love #is what i have it titled in my docs #“it's honestly not as sad as it seems”#I wrote this out of love for every one of the people it's about.#including me hehe #poetry #poem #love poem #kinda #but in a different way than that other one

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mazeyphaedra · 6 months

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i enjoy rewatching kristen’s scene with buddy because like. imagine your locker just got tagged and ur trying to be diplomatic about it because you’re in a public hallway so you try to keep appearances right? you’re running for president! but the sticker was of ur rival’s party and not even for her campaign. anyway you ignore that because this pasty rotten proselytizer has just mentioned to you apparently absolving himself of whatever horror his spells have wrought in assigning agency to..god? by the raising of his hand in a twisted form of praise? and your brain is going a mile a minute trying to connect the hazy frayed edges of thought he’s leaking out (grades are of the material world)(i pray before during after football games we win)(helio doesn’t make mistakes, kristen)(helio’s holding onto us tight)(they’re all gonna go straight to hell) and you are looking into a mirror of your past and seeing the zeal simmering underneath his gall now. how dare he? really? (every cleric has to have some kinda deity, right?)(i don’t feel any control over life) and in your head you see yolanda, who severed ties to her divinity to teach with compassion and a fairness that must’ve been in itself holy, dead. (i don’t hold tight, ‘cause i’m in someone’s hand.) and you worry about bucky, about what he could become without you holding him tight (i’m happy to look after him.) and your muscles tense up as you smile politely, a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes stony, impassive, like the wall you’re building to keep this serpent from striking at those you love. (careful.) and you, ready to defend, say, i’ll fucking show you.

#kristen applebees #buddy dawn #fhjy #dimension 20 #fantasy high junior year #fhjy spoilers #d20 #uh oh!#IM SOOOOO NORMAL ABOUT HER

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hyolks · 1 year

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man surprised to find that he is the most normal person in the room

#kabru #dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi kabru #kabru dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #so uh :) the last chapter :)#anywasy erm kabru is literally my gf. my pookie bear. hes sooooo normal #dungeon meshi anime i am waiting for u to drop his va. please. please please ple #i took one look at a screencap i took to sketch one of these and then never looked at it again pls forgive my misdemeanors

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carpetbug · 8 months

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he’s so fucked

#carpetbug art #miraculous #miraculous ladybug #ml #miraculous fanart #kwami #tikki #ml feline blue au #ml fbau #life is so sooooo stupid rn so uh yeah sorry if i don’t post much or seem quiet? just dealing with things :)

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dailypearldoodles · 9 months

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Day 563

The happiest of farewells to Season 9 of Hermitcraft, what an amazing season truly. Pearl truly outdid herself this season with her beautiful and colorful and absolutely lively megabase, honestly me and Mod Cosmic cannot do it justice XD I started this doodle endeavor a bit of ways into S9 and I hope to make it last throughout S10. Thank you Pearl and all the hermits for a wonderful season and I can't wait to see what they do next :D

#daily pearl doodles #pearlescentmoon #hermitcraft #mod morph #mod cosmic #THIS WAS HARD #LANDSCAPES ARE NOT MY FORTE #NEITHER ARE BUILDINGS FOR THAT MATTER #but i really enjoyed it #there are sooooo many details that are missing here #also because uh we only worked on this for like #3 days #where both of us were pretty busy those three days lmao #anyways yeah XD

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sweetpapercroissant · 3 months

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this scene is so funny to me because this. dramatic ass mf. kept the note in dean’s room. on dean’s bed. even weeks after he’s gone. and he just. walks in there all maudlin to pick it up and read it and brood. then put it back down there and walk out. rinse and repeat. for 6 weeks.

#for context dean left this note for sam at the end of s9 before he left with crowley #so presumably. sam came back to dean’s room. saw he was missing. found and read the note. tore the bunker apart to look for him.#and now six weeks later. after he’s cleaned dean’s sheets and made his bed all those weeks ago #we learn that he uh. put the note back on dean’s now clean bed. again presumably right where he found it #so he can come in and read it whenever he wants #he’s sooooo dramatic #supernatural #sam winchester #sam and dean #samdean #s10 #s10e01 #black #.txt

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mx-nada · 3 months

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some of my AB gijinkas but chibi-ified

#my art #animatic battle #gijinka #chibi #object show community #osc #fanart #season 17 #season 17 animatic battle #canes cup #canes cup animatic battle #exclamation mark #exclamation mark animatic battle #animatic #animatic animatic battle #exclamatic #s17 x cc is implied here but i literally have no shipname ideas so uh LOL #also ive noticed a LOT of people really like my s17 gijinka sooooo #expect more of him hopefully LOL

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aristoteliancomplacency · 1 year

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I present to you the work of another painter of fish plates. Y’know how you use ‘scare quotes’ for various purposes, including indicating that you’re not actually sure about The Thing?

Well, this guy was so bad at whatever he was painting that we call him…

The ‘tadpole’ painter:

Here’s another example:

This one was sold as part of the Graham Geddes collection at Bonham’s auction house in 2008 for £2,040.

They describe it as ‘three fish including a wrasse with dorsal spines, an angler-fish, the rounded body with multiple black dots, two large round eyes with pupils, an open mouth with teeth bared, and a ray with pointed face, the body with multiple black dots’.

Which like… bold fucking move missing out the fact that they have legs. Though I can’t say I envy whoever had to write the description.

#first one is:#from ‘Greek red-figure fish-plates by Ian McPhee and A D Trendal #from the Macinagrossa collection in Bari #which I think is a private collection?#Trendall and McPhee refer to him as ‘a very minor artist’.#v rude.#imagine the auctioneer writing the description like ‘sooooo… uh. anyone know what this is supposed to be?’#and a colleague just pointing out the fact that it’s the ‘tadpole’ painter and shrugging apologetically #because it was looted we do not know where it originally came from #(though many were found in tombs)#anyway. my personal head cannon - and I cannot emphasise enough that I have literally no evidence for this. it is just a flight of fancy #is that someone has to bring their child to work for a few days #and just let their kid play around and decorate plates that were write-offs for one reason or another #and some kid just sat their happily painting their crude little fish on these plates whilst their dad worked away #Fischteller #fish plates #tagamemnon

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huidol · 7 months

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happy valentines 👍 day

#figayda #fig x ayda #fig faeth #figueroth faeth #ayda augefort #fantasy high #dimension 20 #d20 #putting this up on top rest of the tags are just me talking ok #shout out to fig for being the only bad kid to stay together with their girlfriend post-fhsy. DESERVED.#scribbling poltergeist #junior's magic paintbrush #alt verison of the text couldve been want to be my crab queen but I only just thought of that now and I'm not changing it. SAD!#had sooooo many ideas for this drawing I had very cute sketch Hi everyone whos new to my blog btw I talk a lot in tags anyways I had a cute #sketch that was like. a card that Ayda was sitting at the top and fig was at the bottom and in the middle was a heart with clock hands and #shit. and ayda was sending down a uhhhh a heart that as it went down the page it aged. and fig caught it. bc ayda sending love letters #through time is my favorite thing in the whoooole world.#also had an idea because i just finished that season to have a traditional valentines card with cody that was like #“are you satan bc ive been waiting for you my whole life” bc he says that in the uh. first ep I think. anyways that be a great card I just #didnt haev the time. sad! i started drawing this on the 12th i had Zero time for anything else #wow i talked a lot tee hee ^_^ its ok because im special.

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 1 year

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Laughingstock at 3am

"Would you still love me if I was a worm?"

"You are a worm go to bed"

ehehehehehhhhh yeah....

bonus <3

#barnaby in the morning: *not remembering Any of that* why are you upset...#howdy: im not upset #barnaby: you're cutting all of my coupons in half. you're upset #howdy: WELL YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T LOVE ME #barnaby: ???? WHAT????#etc etc hard cut to barnaby going outside and kissing a worm to prove his love #cue howdy crying out 'NOW YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME???'#smh poor pup cant win....#scribble salad #rambles from the bog #laughingstock #barnaby x howdy #howdy x barnaby #scribbling this was a bitch and a Half but it was sooooo worth it imo #they make me insane Insane they make me insaaaaaane!#it was mainly howdy giving me trouble. like the usual #mans got too many arms. had the hardest time figuring out where to put them all #GODDDD BUT THEYRE SO THEYRE SO!!! THEY ARE SOOOOO <3<3<3<3 #fluffiest duo ever stgggggggg #literally and uh. not-literally. whats the word? whatever doesnt matter!#the Softest Sillies....#fuck fuck fuck THEY ARE STILL EMBEDDED IN MY BRAIN asdjbasjnanlasfnlasknls AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #i might have to make a post about the delusional world i have in my head where theyre a Thing. the headcanons.... too many Thoughts...

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setacin · 1 year

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Limited Life 6&7: Struggling for Life

#seta art :)#sooooo uh. limited life huh [goes insane and goes insane and]#limited life smp #limited life #ethoslab #ethoslab fanart #bdubs #bdubs fanart #gtws #gtws fanart #zombiecleo #impulsesv #tango tek #skizzleman #goodtimeswithscar #good god thats a lot of tags i forgot how it was when i did pieces with more than 1-2 people

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nouearth · 1 month

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#✰ : nou.rambles #henry cavill #thinking #just looks sooooo goood #uh uh uh professor cavill #i need help

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mazeyphaedra · 6 months

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There’s a moment where you see there’s still deep attraction here.

Franz Kafka, Letters to Felice // Brennan Lee Mulligan, Fantasy High: Junior Year // Lev St. Valentine, THIS IS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU // Lev St. Valentine, HOPE YOU’RE WELL. PLEASE DON’T READ THIS. // Mitski, I’m Your Man // Siobhan Thompson, Brennan Lee Mulligan, & Ally Beardsley, Fantasy High: Junior Year // Trista Mateer, You Couldn’t Just Leave? // Steven Espada Dawson, Elegy for the Four Chambers of My Brother’s Heart // Natalie Diaz, Wolf OR-7 // Ally Beardsley & Brennan Lee Mulligan, Fantasy High: Junior Year