#sonny carisi angst

[ameliora-j]

ive just had surgery and binging thru ur sonny stuff,, can you write something smutty for sonny x reader in a hospital bed? plspkspkspkspks

since u asked so nicely sweet girl !

“shhh” sonny urges, the two of you giggling as your lips connect in never ending kisses. “you have to be quiet if you want to do this, amore” he hums, his kisses trailing down your neck as his hand squeezes your thigh gently, slowly spreading your legs.

“feel like horny teenagers” you whisper softly as he kisses you once more. a soft moan escapes your lips as his fingers ghost over your panty-clad cunt. sonny chuckles against your lips at your statement, pressing down on your clothed clit as you grind on his hand. “please…” you whine.

your nurses are coming in every hour on the hour, and it’s ten till. sonny realizes he has between five and ten minutes to make you cum, and feeling how wet you are decides it’s enough. “don’t worry baby, i’ll give you what you want” he hums, pushing two fingers easily into your slippery opening.

your mouth drops open, but before you can let out an earth shattering moan, sonny is pressing his lips to your’s and all but forcing his tongue into your mouth. his fingers expertly curve to press against your gspot, his thumb stroking over your clit as tears of pleasure spill over your lashline. “you’re so tight, tesoro… such a wet little pussy” he mumbles against your skin as he nips down your neck.

“sonny…” you gasp wetly around a moan, your cunt fluttering around his thick digits. all you can do is whine and moan as he repeatedly presses his fingers against your gspot. your head is buried in his neck, hiding your moans as he pushed you to an orgasm.

“breathe steady, tesoro… don’t want your heart rate alerting your nurses” he smirked, winking down on you. “just take my fingers like a good little girl… moan for me, bambina… let me hear you” he growls, his fingers picking up their pace as he feels the walls of your cunt fluttering around him.

“i… i need to… i need to cum” you stammer, trying to steady your breathing as you hear the heart rate monitor changing. sonny doesn’t say anything, only doubling down in his efforts to make you cum, circling his thumb around your clit. your jaw drops as you look up at him, forcing you into a kiss to conceal the loud moan you let out as your cum gushes onto his fingers just as you hear the nurse knocking on the door to come and check your vitals.

[x-bluefire-heart-x]

Mr Right

So, anonymous requested this request. And not gonna lie it was hard to write in so far as making Rafael a dick but otherwise I loved writing adoring Carisi caring for pregnant reader.

Warnings: Swearing, threat of violence, angst

Master List

Prompts

You casually walked through the squad room, smiling at your fellow detectives as you made your way to Liv’s office. You paused briefly as you saw them all look at each, their smiles not quite convincing. You shrugged before continuing on, thinking that they were just concerned with how you were handling the baby Drew Incident. Which…fair, you probably weren’t handling it as well as the others, and Rafael hadn’t answered your calls or been at home when you went by his place. The two of you had been dating for around six months and you wanted to check on him and not being able to tell if he was okay was worrying you. You hoped that he had at least talked to Liv which was why you were making a beeline for her office.

“Hey, Liv,” you leaned against her doorway rapping your knuckles against the glass.

“Y/n,” Liv waved you in, you noticed her smile was forced as well and you could see the strain around her eyes. “Come in. I wasn’t expecting you to be in today.”

“Oh?” you asked tilting your head as you stepped through, closing the door before taking a seat in-front of her desk. “Why?”

“I thought maybe you might take some time off or even request a leave of absence,” Liv sounded confused. “Maybe even talk about a transfer once you two had discussed where Rafael was moving to.”

“Moving?” you asked even more confused. “Rafael, is moving?”

“He hasn’t told you?”

“We haven’t talked since his trial, he said he needed some time, and I gave that to him but when I tried to call him or go by his place there was no answer,” you could feel your heart speeding up, as a burning sensation built at the back of your throat. “Rafael talked to you?”

“Yes, he said he had put in his papers and was thinking of leaving,” Liv’s voice turned to steel as she put together the pieces you were still missing but were slowly putting together.

“He…he’s leaving, and he didn’t even tell me,” your voice quivered as your vision became blurred as your eyes filled with tears. “He’s left me.”

“I am so sorry,” Oliva stood up and moved around to you. She wrapped her arms around you holding you close to her as you cried. Your chest felt tight as you tried to get your breathing under control, but it was difficult as the buzzing in your head got louder.

“I can’t believe he wouldn’t even call me,” your voice was soft but measured as the buzzing in your head slowly disappeared. You could feel your body slowly starting to heat, you took in a deep breath before letting it out in a shaky exhale. Anger started to fill your veins, pushing away from Liv you started to pace, your hands running through your hair. “I mean what the fuck?! We were together six months we were even talking about moving in together, getting a place. I-if I ever see him again I…I’ll…fuck!”

“Your anger is understandable,” Liv stood up watching as you paced. “Take the day, more if you need.”

You spun around to face her, your chest heaving as you tried to get control, not wanting lash out at your friend. Just as fast as the rage hit you it was gone as your body sagged as if someone cut your strings. Tears filled your eyes again as you nodded. Liv’s eyes softened as she watched you switch emotions so quickly; she couldn’t believe Rafael wouldn’t even call you. She was going to kill him for hurting you.

“I’ll get Carisis to drive you home,” Liv’s voice was gentle as she reached for you again. “I don’t want you driving like this.”

You just nodded, following her out like a lost puppy. Now you understood the looks the others gave you. They knew. They bloody knew. Great so everyone but you knew that Rafael left you. You braved a look at the others, and was a little surprised. Finn looked murderous; it seems Olivia had enough time to tell them that you had in fact not known that Rafael had left. Amanda looked torn between helping Finn commit a crime and comforting you. Carisi, well, Carisi looked like someone had kicked his dog as he came towards you, his jacket in hand.

“Hey,” his hands started reaching for you but aborted their movement before they dropped to his side. You tried to smile at him but you were sure it came off a little more like a grimace. “Come on, let’s get you home.” Once again you followed after one of your friends like a lost little puppy.

--

It had been over a month since you found out that Rafael had left you like the bastard he was. And your sadness had almost completely been replaced by rage. The others had taken to be careful not to mention his name around you. It wasn’t that you would start frothing at the mouth in rage but rather you would shut down and that apparently made the others uncomfortable. Well, Carisi got more concerned then uncomfortable. He had started bringing in an insane number of baked goods and would also show up at your place with ingredients to cook dinner.

It was probably the best you had eaten in that month, or well ever apparently. Your favourite pants had gotten a little tight, actually, all of your pants had gotten tight. And that didn’t make any sense, because you were throwing up randomly throughout the day, which also tended to coincide with when someone mentioned Rafael. The throwing up just made Carisi even more concerned for you, which had him making you even more food. It was a little vicious cycle. You stared down at your pants that you were currently struggling to do up. You pouted as you tried once again to get the two sides of the pants to come together, your eyes narrowed as they once again did not come close to touching.

“What the fuck?” you whispered frowning as tears started to fill up your eyes, chest heaving as a sob crawled up your throat. “Great now I’m crying. Again.”

Giving up on your pants you fell back onto your bed allowing the sobs to run their course. You couldn’t wait for whatever this was to end. Hopefully, it would be soon. You couldn’t take much more of this. It was ridiculous. It was worse than the ups and downs during your cycle. Wait. You bolted up into a sitting position. Your sobs stopping just as quickly as they started.

“Not possible,” you whispered, grabbing your phone and opening your calendar. The date stared at you, like some big massive joke. “Nope, nope, nope.” And, yep, there are the sobs again. Flopping back onto the bed you threw the phone to the side, covering your face with both hands you sobbed harder. “Maybe if I ignore this, it will go away.”

Your little session was interrupted by a knock on your front door. Groaning you sat up, glaring down at your jeans before aiming the glare in the direction on your front door. The knock came again, dragging out another groan from you as you forced your body up tugging your shirt down as much as you could to cover your undone pants.

“I’m coming,” you called out as the knock sounded again. “Don’t be so god damn impatient.” You yanked open the door, glare firm on your face even as you continued to cry.

“Hey-woah, are you okay?” Carisi stood on the other side, the smile freezing on his face as it morphed into a concerned frown.

“Do I look okay?” you demanded turning away from him and walking back towards your kitchen leaving the door open for Carisi to walk through.

“I mean…no?” Caris seemed unsure if he should answer that question honestly. You huffed reaching to get a glass, Carisi’s eyes zeroed in on your undone pants and the swell of your stomach. His eyes slowly moved up, taking in any other changes he could see. Only to stop when he caught your eyes, your puffy, wet, red eyes that were currently glaring at him.

“Can I help you?” your voice was cold, almost seething, as you set the glass down and tried to tug your shirt back over your pants again. “I am aware that my pants can’t do up at the moment, but that is no reason to look at me with judgy eyes.” You voice broke as the tears started falling again. “And fucking hell, can I stop crying for five minutes please?!”

“Trust me I was not looking at you with “judgy” eyes,” Carisi promised, arms twitching as he resisted the urge to hug you. “I was concerned. And I think I may know what is going on.”

“Of fuck off, with your knowledge because you have sisters,” you cursed. “I am not…I can’t be…pregnant.” Your voice was so quiet he almost didn’t hear you but it broke his heart. You sounded so scared.

“You’ve been throwing up a lot, and your body has changed,” Carisis thought better of using the phrase “gained weight”, his sister did not appreciate it one bit. “Not to mention how you’re switching between emotions really fast. It might be a good idea to take a test. Just to be sure.”

You looked up at him, all the anger fading from your face as you heard someone else voicing the thoughts that ran through your head once you realised it had been nearly two months since your last period. Shaking your head, you closed the distance between the two of you and fell against his chest. Carisi was always an affectionate person with his friends and right now you needed his hugs and you knew he wasn’t going to offer, not after the last time. Where you may have bitten his head off. Which you now at least had a theory as to why you reacted the way you did. Even if you really didn’t want to entertain the idea, you knew taking a test would be the smart thing to do.

“Can…I mean, will you be here, when I take it?” you asked in a tone so close to broken that Carisi wanted to hunt Rafael down.

“Of course I will,” Carisi soothed, running his hand up and down your back. “I’ll go out and get a test. You stay here, want me to maybe also get you some different pants?”

“Yes,” you nodded, hiccupping as you refused to let him go. “But just...stay here for a moment.”

“I won’t leave until you want me to,” Carisi promised, arms holding you tight to him.

“You promise?” you couldn’t help but ask him. You couldn’t help but fear that one day everyone you cared about would decide to leave you, with absolutely no warning. “You won’t leave?”

“Never,” Carisi pressed a kiss to the top of your head, heart finally shattering. It was then that swore to himself that he would do everything in his power to help you believe he wouldn’t leave, that there were people in your life who cared about you and would never leave you. It doesn’t matter what it will take, or long it will take until you believed him.

--

“You have to come out of the bathroom eventually,” Carisi called knocking against the door. “It’s been long enough, what does the test say?”

“I think the fact that I am in here having what is most definitely a panic attack should answer that!” you tried to sound angry but the sobbing and fear in your voice did not help.

“A panic-I’m coming in,” Carisi frowned, opening the door he found you sitting on the floor against the bath tub, the test in your hands. At the look on your face, he once again found himself wanting to hunt down a man he once considered a friend. You were so pale, your chest heaving as your breath came out in rough pants, your eyes looked unfocused.

“Oh, darling.” He couldn’t help the pet name as he kneeled beside you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you against his chest. His other hand carefully took the test out of your shaking hands, noting the positive result before setting it aside so he could rub your arm in comfort.

“What am I going to do?” you asked, voice shaking. “I can’t, I’m pregnant.”

“It’ll be okay,” Carisi whispered.

“How?! How the hell is this going to be okay?” you demanded pulling back from him, eyes blazing, panic seeming to fade as the anger at your situation hit you full force. “I’m pregnant, and the bastard of a father left without even so much as a good bye! I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can,” Carisi assured you. “You are so insanely strong, not to mention brave. You would be an amazing mother. Whatever decision you choose I will support you.”

“You will? Why?” you asked confused.

“You’re my friend and I care about you,” he answered, voice firm.

“Regardless of my decision?” you wanted to confirm, knowing that Carisi had his faith. “Even if I decide I don’t want to keep the baby?”

“Yes, it is your decision,” Carisi nodded. “But, again, regardless, I will support you through it. Now come on we need to get off this cold floor and you need to eat something.”

“Carisi, I can’t,” you whined, mood switching again. “My pants don’t fit.”

“I got you new ones remember?” he gently pulled you up off the floor, pulling out a handkerchief and wiped away the tears that had started to fall down your cheeks again as your rage ebbed away at the thought that your pants don’t fit.

“Oh, right,” you bit your lip as your eyes drifted up to Carisi’s face, taking in his features as he wiped away your tears. “Thank you.”

“Any time,” he smiled tapping you on the nose. “I also got some ingredients for a pasta dish.”

“Ooh, can we have that garlic bread you made the other week?” you asked brightening. Carisi’s food always made you happy, even if at first you thought it was making you gain weight.

“Yes, of course I got ingredients to make that garlic bread,” Carisi couldn’t help but laugh at not just your quick change in emotion, he was use to that, he thought it was adorable you got so excited about his food.

--

Amanda, Liv and Finn all stood around staring. Watching as Carisi handed you a container with what looked like homemade food, and he then placed a bottle of something on your desk.

“You need to remember to be taking your vitamins,” they heard him scolding you. “The Dr said your levels were low.”

“…they tasted funny,” you pouted, hand settling a little on your stomach that had started showing.

“I know that is why I went and got some different ones, apparently they taste like orange, which I know if something you are currently craving,”

“Is Carisi smiling differently?” Amanda asked, head tilted to the side.

“Yeah, he looks like y/n hung the moon,” Finn huffed.

“It’s kind of adorable,” Amanda muttered.

“She looks happy,” Liv smiled softly. She was glad to see it, you hadn’t looked so happy in months. And she was worried about what being pregnant with Rafael’s baby would do, but apparently Carisi had it all under control.

“Carisi, never brought me home made food when I was pregnant,” Amanda complained.

“That’s cause he wasn’t in love with you,” Finn chuckled as he walked away leaving the other two to watch Carisi moon over you. It was sickeningly adorable and for Carisi’s sake Finn hoped nothing went horribly wrong between the two of you. Finn would hate to have to add a list to the names of those he would shoot on sight. It currently had one.

--

You pouted. And pouted some more. Staring up at the poor man through your lashes. Said man was trying, rather admirable, to ignore you, blue eyes looking anywhere but at you. Your eyes narrowed as you stepped closer to him, puffing out your cheeks.

“Please?” you asked.

“No,” Carisi sighed, rubbing his forehead.

“Carisi,” you whined. “Please.”

“It’s nearly midnight, I am not going out to get you ice cream,”

“But I want pickles and ice cream,” you huffed. “And we only have pickles and no ice cream…oh and sprinkles! With peanut butter, that sounds sooo good. Doesn’t that sound yummy?”

“Sure,” Carisi laughed, this was the fourth time in two days that you had started out wanting something only to find several things to add to it.

“So, you’ll get the stuff?” you bounced lightly on your feet, hands moving to hold your stomach. You were entering your second trimester, and the cravings were only getting stronger.

“Fine, but you are coming with me,” Carisi tapped you on the nose, grinning when you scrunched it up.

“Good idea!” you nodded. “We can get pizza as well.”

“Pizza?” Carisi asked, face scrunching in confusion as he led you out of your apartment. You nodded, grabbing his hand without thinking and tugging him along.

“Yes, now come on.”

--

You weren’t entirely sure when your feelings for Carisi changed from friendship to wanting to always be around him. On the odd night when he wasn’t at yours you missed him, when he went out into the field and you were stuck at the desk doing paperwork, you missed him. And also worried about him an insane amount. You weren’t sure what you wanted to do with this change but you were happy to let things happen when they happened. And you didn’t wanna read into too much but he had been spending more time with you lately, it was very rare that he wasn’t over at yours or you weren’t over at his.  Like right now, the two of you had just finished an amazing dinner that Carisi had made you, and were now watching tv. You had curled up against him resting your head against his chest as his arm wrapped around your waist. You felt content in a way you hadn’t for the longest of times, and you didn’t want anything to change.

Just as you were reaching for the popcorn, your separate bowl that was drizzled with salt, sugar, caramel and chocolate, you felt a pressure in your stomach. You gasped sitting up hand pressed against your stomach.

“What’s wrong?” Caris moved with you, the arm wrapped around your waist tugging you to his side as his eyes moved between your face and your stomach, his other hand hovering over yours. “Are you in pain?”

“No, that’s not it,” you shook your head. “Oh, oh!” you grabbed his hovering hand and placed it where yours was. “The baby is moving.”

Carisi’s whole body felt warm as he felt the light pressure against his hand. His chin came to rest on your shoulder as he looked down at your stomach where your hands were joined together. He tried so hard to ignore the feelings that were building the longer he was around you, this wasn’t suppose to be anything more than a friend helping a friend but the more he watched you bounce happily when you ate his food. Or every time you looked at him with those soft eyes, pouting at him to get your way. It was near impossible to do anything but fall for you. That small little crush of his that had started when he joined the team, that he tried to ignore when he saw you liked Rafael, came back full force about two months into helping you.

“Look at that,” he whispered, his voice directly in your ear causing a small shiver to run through your body.

“Our baby has a strong kick huh?” you asked turning your head a little, nose rubbing against his cheek.

“Our baby?” Carisi felt his brain screech to a holt. You jolted, eyes wide as your own words repeated themselves through your head. Echoing a little in Carisi’s head as well.

“What?”

“You called the baby, ours,” Carisi moved his chin from your shoulder so he could look at you properly, trying hard to keep the smile from his face but there was no way to keep those blue eyes of his from shinning.

“I guess I did,” you nodded slowly licking your lips, suddenly finding it difficult to look at those eyes.

“Did you mean it?”

“I…I did,” you nibbled on your bottom lip, stomach fluttering. “I mean, you’ve taken me to every appointment, you’ve gone with me when I needed to get new clothes, you put up with every little craving I have and…you’re always here for me. Just like you said.” Your hand shook as it rose to cradle his face, thumb stroking just under his eye.

“Darling,” Carisi lent into your hand, those eyes burning bright with hope. “Can I kiss you?”

“You better,” you demanded leaning close to him.

“Gladly,” Carisi chuckled as he closed the distance between the two of you.

The feel of his lips brushing yours made your heart quicken, your hand cupping his cheek moved to cup his jaw as you angled your head, moving your lips against his. His hand on your waist stroked up to hold the back of your head, lightly tangling with your hair and tugging it gently as his tongue swiped out teasingly. You gasped into the kiss when you felt a slightly stronger kick, pulling away from the kiss you looked down where Carisi was stroking your stomach.

“Someone’s a little excited,” you smiled, pressing a kiss against his cheek before leaning back and putting both hands against your stomach. “Do, you wanna stay the night?”

--

“I want this baby out,” you groaned lowering yourself onto the couch next to Carisi holding your shoes in your hand. “I can’t put my shoes on.”

“Give em here,” Carisi rolled his eyes grabbing your shoes and kneeling in-front of you. “It won’t be long now before you give birth.”

“Thank fuck,” you rubbed your stomach giggling at Carisi when he raised an eyebrow at your comment. “Hey, you try growing a baby in you, carrying it for nine months, getting cankles, craving the oddest combination of food ever, having your body change in ways you never even thought about, your back constantly hurting, and finally needing to pee every five minutes.”

“Fair enough,” he focused on putting your shoes on, knowing already not to comment on anything that you just said. Last time he did, you cried. Although when you were crying about having cankles and he tried to be supportive you threw a pillow at him. So really, it was a fifty-fifty how you would respond.

“Come on, let’s go,” you held out your hands making grabbing motions at him.

“Alright, up you come,” Carisi grabbed hold of you and helped you up. You grinned up at him and took a step just before a sharp pain radiated from your stomach. You gabbed hold of it wincing in pain. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m totally fine,” you waved him off. “It’s just my stomach trying to kill me, been happening on and off for like the day.”

“Wait, you said your back was hurting?”

“Yeah so, I’m carrying around a watermelon,”

“Normally, constant back pain can be a sign that you are going into labour,” Carisi said. “And you are getting cramps?”

“Well, I’ve gone nearly two decades with getting cramps and while those where definitely painful these are something much different and are coming closer and closer together,”

“Um, honey,” Carisi started. “I think you might be in labour.”

“What like three weeks early? Pfft, unlikely, my family has a history of being like either exactly nine months or like two weeks late,” you shrugged just as your felt a gush of something wet leaving you. “On the other hand, I think you might be right…my water just broke.”

“Oh shit!” Carisi started to panic. “We don’t have your hospital bag ready and we don’t have our route to the hospital!”

“Dominick!” you shouted lightly tapping him on the cheek. “It’ll be fine. Let’s just go, we can always ask one of the others to get me some things.”

“Right, right,” he nodded. “Let’s go.” His arm automatically wrapping around your lower back to help support you as he offered his other arm for you to take as he led you carefully to the car.

--

“Dom, look it’s our daughter,” you whispered breathlessly staring down in wonder at the beautiful little girl in your arms. You had been worried that she would noticeably look like Rafael but thankfully your baby girl had inherited nearly everything from you, and you hoped that it stayed that way. But it truly didn’t matter. Carisi was her father in every way that counted, and every way that mattered.

“She’s gorgeous,” Carisi’s breathed, eyes wetting with tears as he carefully reached out and gently stroked her cheek. “Just like her mother.” You rolled your eyes but couldn’t wipe the smile from your face. Your eyes drifted to the bag that Olivia had brought in for you, when she came in to say hello to your beautiful baby girl, and leaving with a wink.

“Sweetie, can you get something from my bag? It should be right on top,” you nodded towards it, breaking Carisi’s little mutterings that he was making towards your daughter.

“Oh, sure yeah,” he nodded distractedly. You grinned down at your daughter in secret, leaning to press a kiss to her soft little forehead.

“I’ve got a little surprise for your daddy,” you told her.

“Um, babe, is this? Is this what I think it is?” Carisi turned around holding a ring box in his hand, the lid opened to reveal a man’s ring. The band a gorgeous mixture of black, gold and silver intertwining with a hint of blue.

“Dominick Sonny Carisi, you have been my rock for the past near nine months, bringing so much happiness and light into my life,” you started, feeling yourself getting choked up. You blinked furiously. “I fell for you without even noticing. You are the father of my daughter, and without a doubt you are the love of my life. We’re already a family but I think we should make it official. Will you marry me?”

Carisi’s mouth was open, his eyes welling up with my tears as he stared at you, sitting there in the hospital bed holding his daughter. Looking more radiate than he had ever seen you. And all he could do was nod silently and take the ring out of the box and put it on his finger.

[thirtysomethingloser92]

Bittersweet Symphony Masterlist:

Summary: When you unexpectedly discover you're pregnant, you're thrust into navigating the complexities of your new reality. As the baby's father remains distant, it's your partner, Sonny Carisi, who steps up in ways you couldn't dream of. You find yourself grappling with a whirlwind of emotions, including the unexpected feelings of slowly falling in love with your partner. Pairings: Sonny Carisi/Reader, Rafael Barba/Reader. Chapters: Chapter 1: My Sacrifice. Chapter 2: Fear. Chapter 3: Numb Little Bug.

[heartbarisi]

FIC EDIT BABEYYYY

[electrictoes]

now that Rollins is back at nypd and on the show, it's time to put Carisi in dangeeeer!! hurt him a bit here, kidnapping him there, chop chop come on people, fans want it, Peter wants it, make it happen!! it could be glorious! Kelli and Peter would deliver!

please send them a script of your own tho Paula, I don't trust them to write it good lol

Oh I desperately want them to hurt him in a non-permanent way!

Just putting it out there they’re welcome to steal any of my ideas 😂

[kaliopes]

lately i am getting a lot of inspiration for my Barisi wip (the one in which Sonny and Amanda are getting divorced - very friendly process tho - and he meets Rafael for the first time in more than 4 years of basically radio silence between them. Rafael has a daughter, moved all the way to the West Coast in Oregon to be near her, and is now a professor in Portland and a firm advocate for Immigrants’ Rights). all their lives have been changed, they certainly aren’t where they all supposed to be in the age they are, with the story they had.

initially it would be just a one shot, with the various moments Sonny and Rafael would meet in NY after they both are matchmaked by… yes, our girl Rita. she’s been suffering too much with Rafa’s contained, but loud melancholic nostalgia. and Sonny boy isn’t doing well in court, it’s getting too easy to rattle him in a deal. Rita will have none of that.

now i have a lot of thoughts and angst about the characters’ feelings of being the one left behind, watch your once friends’ lives by the sidelines, the bitterness of having to finally, finally let go of the life you so desperately wanted all those years (not only for you, but for your child). but Rafa needs to get done with it, as soon as possible. and it’s chaotic.

the grief of losing a mother, of losing the expectations you so had all your life, just to see it shattered in a year or so, because there was love, so much love, dedication, respect, presence, but that wasn’t enough. there is still something Sonny desperately wants and it’s chaotic, it’s his desires, the ones he neglected so much years before, the ones that turned out to be ghosts remembering him that a life well lived isn’t one done by the books, by the traditional expectations of everyone around him.

a life well lived can be chaos, like taking care of the 3 children you share with your amazing ex wife, and trying to get on the good graces of the first person Sonny ever thought he could ditch the whole white picket fence shit for. and now this certain someone has an autistic daughter, Marielena, co-parents her with a woman he met for a one night stand during a conference in LA and, god, wouldn’t Cynthia Haines be an awesome woman as well.

Olívia makes some appearances, but the outcome is not that good. I’m on the team that Rafa, after all this time, deserves to have his solitude, anger and bitterness respected. In fact that’s one of the WIPs axis.

[callixton]

ULTRAVIOLENCE CHAPTER 2 IS NOW LIVE. good god. i am quite proud of it despite how long it took me and i hope everyone enjoys <3

[narcissuslecter]

HEY BABES!!!

it's me, your fave internet menace, will graham smokes truther, barisi angst writer, who hasn't been writing and hasn't been posting! my life got super crazy busy and i have had literally noooo time to write :(

but i have been writing little bits and ideas here and there. for all u angsty barisi babes thank u so much for reading <3 im writing chapter 3 rn and i hope to have it out soon!

for all u hannigram babes, thank u so much for reading <3 i have some more tyler the creator x hannigram fic ideas planned, real angsty kinky stuff because i can and that's what u love me for.

and i even have a few criminal minds fic ideas in the drafts, also, angsty kinky stuff because i can and u haven't seen what i can do yet!

all that rambling aside, send me headcanon reqs, send me asks!

be gay, see u next time <3

[pixiedane]

Chapters: 2/18 Fandom: Law & Order: SVU, Law & Order: Organized Crime, FBI Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Olivia Benson/Elliot Stabler, Minor or Background Relationship(s) Characters: Olivia Benson, Elliot Stabler, Maureen Stabler, Kathleen Stabler, Richard "Dickie" Stabler, Elizabeth Stabler, Elliot "Eli" Stabler Jr., Noah Porter Benson, Amanda Rollins, Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Jet Slootmaekers, Jamie Whelan, Carl | Maureen Stabler's Husband, Bernadette Stabler, Ayanna Bell, Odafin "Fin" Tutuola, Stuart Scola, Tiffany Wallace, Additional Characters in Minor Roles Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Living Together, Domestic Fluff, Family Feels, Family Drama, Past Domestic Violence, Past Torture, Past Sexual Assault, Psychological Trauma, Childhood Trauma, Canon-Typical Violence, Crack Treated Seriously, Declarations Of Love, Additional Warnings In Author's Note

Summary:

Agent Scola stood at the bottom of a sweeping staircase in the foyer of a mansion in Long Island, seized as part of a drug bust five months ago. In front of him stood an SVU captain, three detectives, an ADA, a pregnant adjunct professor, an octogenarian, the four adult Stabler children and Maureen's husband, an angry college kid, a tween doing his best SVU captain impression, four children under ten, a large dog, three cats, a ferret, and a mountain of luggage.

Or, the crew move in.

Inside Out

[questions-about-blorbos]

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[maurwolfe]

I fear this edit might be my peak, also I fear this edit idea to my tears ricochet might get me killed by the fandom woopsy

[escapingrealtiylovinginsanity]

Sonny Carisi: Claddagh Ring 

Warning: Angst and mention of Irish heritage

There is a part 2 now

You stood at the kitchen counter silently. Sonny raised his voice still echoing off the walls as you watched his hands finally stilling as he finished talking. You weren’t sure how that fight had started tonight. Maybe it was just a continuation of many other arguments you had in the last month or two. Fights that never ended with a solution but hurt feelings. It felt like there was nothing you could do to fix it. Words even spoken with the best intentions seemed to be twisted into something ugly and cutting.  

Weaponized.  

Your stomach churned with unease. Anxiety chokes the air in your chest making it difficult to breathe. The inside of your cheek is aching and bleeding from your nervous habit of biting it when you become stressed. A habit you had thought you had long broken, returned with a vengeance. Your body is tense awaiting the next cutting comment. 

Sonny is staring at you, his blue eyes icy. His posture is stiff, hands curled into fists. He had been a different person since the passing of his father. It had been a sudden and tragic loss. It had made your boyfriend cold and withdrawn. Angry in a way you had never seen him. You had been trying to support him. Be there for him. 

But he didn’t want it. 

Your relationship with Dominick Carisi was the best you ever had. Or at least it used to be. You never would have thought that your sweet and loving boyfriend could treat you so badly. You had held on tightly. You knew he was hurting, grieving the loss of a parent. But it was coming to about the sixth month after the passing of his father and things were not getting better but so much worse.  

Sonny was staring at you expectantly. You kept your eyes on your hands on the counter doing everything in your power to avoid his gaze. “Aren’t you going to say anything?” Sonny’s voice was still angry and thick with his Staten Island accent. An accent you normally loved to hear and tried to bring out. You licked your dry lips to speak. Your throat held them tightly, thick with emotion. “That’s just great.” He huffed to your silence. 

You looked back down at your right hand. The ring on your right hand. A dainty piece of silver. A crown sitting on top of two hands holding a heart. The heart pointing towards you. An Irish meaning as old as time. 

A Claddagh ring. 

You twist it with your thumb and middle finger. You pause only for a second before easing it off. It gets stuck, not wanting to leave the position it had been in for years. Finally pulling it free. You feel a single tear roll down your cheek as you flip it before sliding it back on- heart facing out. 

Sonny catches the flick of movement, the flash of silver. His eyes follow the metal as it slides back on your ring finger. His hand braces on the counter to steady himself as he is flooded with vertigo. You had been silent all night. Unwilling to feed into the argument and add fuel to his anger. This one small action said more than a thousand words could have. It brought bile up, acid burning his throat. He had made heartfelt promises as he flipped the ring when you made your relationship official.  

Now he watched in numb silence as it ended.  

[sematarygirls]

Black Hole Fantasy — Sonny Carisi.

pairing: sonny carisi x reader

summary: you finally decide to tell sonny how you feel... in the middle of the night... without any warning whatsoever

warnings: none, really. angst if you squint but mostly fluff. probably some inaccuracies regarding nyc and apartment buildings, but plot convenience is more important

word count: 1.3k

a/n: based on my favorite song from the crane wives' new album beyond, beyond, beyond— black hole fantasy. i heard the last verse of the song and immediately thought of sonny, so i opened up tumblr and forewent sleep to write this.

Let's try this again

You and Sonny had a slightly rocky relationship. It wasn't him at all! He was the most perfect boyfriend in the world, and he was so patient and understanding about your commitment issues. You knew you were the problem, and as much as Sonny tried to reassure you that he was fine with taking things slow, you knew a part of him was frustrated.

You loved him so much, and you wanted to commit to him wholly and completely, but you found it hard to settle down with people. You feared that intimacy, that eventual physical and emotional closeness that all relationships somehow ended up at.

But, once again, you found yourself deciding that you were ready to be serious and talk to Sonny about moving the relationship in a more serious direction. It wasn't the first time you'd convinced yourself it was time to push yourself, but it somehow felt different this time. You felt like you were really ready.

Sonny was on your mind all the time. You couldn't get him out of your head. The way his eyes crinkled when he smiled that breathtaking smile, the way his brow furrowed when he was thinking or listening really intently to someone, his hands waving in all directions when he was speaking about something he was passionate about— all the little quirks that made him him— you were completed enamored by them.

I'm on my way to your house, guided by the stars

You gripped the steering wheel as you made your way down the New York streets. That nagging voice in the back of your head was trying to tell you that you weren't ready, that you would never be ready, but you pushed it aside.

You couldn't push people away forever. At some point, you'd have to open up and be honest about how you feel, and tonight was the night.

You followed the street signs, recalling where Sonny lived. You didn't even think of how odd it might be to just show up in the middle of the night without so much as a warning; you were far too caught up in trying to keep your nerves at bay.

Your fingers drummed against the steering wheel, a song playing softly from the radio. It was one you knew well, which helped calm you a little as you sang along. You glanced at the clock, hoping he was home and still awake. You'd feel awfully guilty if you woke him up at this hour just to confess your undying love for him.

I'm pulling in the driveway, I'm turning off the car

You pulled up outside his apartment and cut the engine, staring at the door. God, were you really doing this?

Yes. Yes, you were doing this.

I'm running to your porch, I'm sprinting up the stairs

You took a deep breath and pulled out your phone, finding Sonny's contact and pressing the call button as you got out of your car and headed to the front door. You stood there awkwardly, listening to the phone ring.

God, this was a stupid idea. What were you thinking?

Just as you were about to turn and walk back to your car, he picked up.

"Hey," he hesitated, sounding like he was going to say something, but he thought better of it. "What's up?"

He didn't sound like he'd just woken up. That was good.

"Uh, hey," you responded awkwardly, kicking a pebble at your foot. "I'm downstairs. Can you buzz me in?"

He paused, and you heard shuffling on the other end. "Uh, yeah," he said. You could practically hear the furrow in his brow. "Give me a minute."

"Okay, thanks," you said, quickly hanging up. You didn't want to word vomit everything you had to say over the phone.

You heard the buzzing noise of the door unlocking and pulled it open, hurrying inside. You rushed to the elevator, practically running. You felt a little stupid, but you really needed to get this off your chest before you tried talking yourself out of it last minute.

"Stupid elevator," you grumbled, watching the floors slowly tick by, antagonizing you. You could've sworn it got slower and slower as it reached the ground floor.

Once inside, you pressed the button to his floor frantically. You figured you must have looked insane, but you didn't care. You groaned in frustration as the elevator ascended just as slowly as it had descended.

Finally, you reached his floor, rushing to his door. You take a breath. "No going back, now," you think, knocking on the door.

the door swings open, and you're standing there

Your heart is pounding as he opens the door, greeting you with that big warm smile that always made your heart melt. You couldn't help but smile back, your nerves calming just at the sight of him. You'd never felt this way with anyone— this safe and so unconditionally loved.

you're beaming down at me, you're reaching out for me / you pull me in your arms, and i feel your heart pounding

"Hey," he said again, pulling you into a hug. You wrapped your arms around him, eyes fluttering shut as he engulfed you in his warm, comforting embrace.

"Hi," you say, your voice barely above a whisper. You can feel his damp hair on your neck and the strong scent of his shampoo, and you can't help but take a deep breath, inhaling his scent. He smelled like home.

i take a step back to catch my breath

"What are you doing here?" He asked as you pulled away from him. "Not that I'm not thrilled to see you— cause' I totally am!" He looks at you, his brows furrowing softly. You could practically see the wheels churning in his head. He was worried that something was wrong.

"I'm in love with you," you blurted out. Your cheeks heated up as you realized your mistake. You had a whole speech planned. You wanted to sit down inside and hold his hand and pour your heart out.

Instead, you confessed your love in the hallway, looking like a deer in headlights like an idiot.

and we look at each other and double over / and laugh, and laugh, and laugh

You couldn't help but start to giggle, something you did when you got nervous. And your giggles only worsened, turning to full blown laughs when you saw the bewildered look on his face.

He couldn't help but smile, watching you break out into a fit of laughter, and soon, both of you were standing there laughing like lunatics. If anyone walked by, they'd probably think you two just escaped an asylum with how odd it would have looked.

Slowly, you two began to catch your breaths, the laughter dying out as you stared at each other, neither of you knowing who should say anything first.

"I'm in love with you too," he replied softly, his hand finding your waist and pulling you closer. "God, I'm in love with you."

You smiled up at him, and for the first time, you didn't feel scared. You weren't worrying about what would come next or if you were ready. You were just in the moment with him.

He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to your lips, like he was promising that what he said was true. You wrapped your arms around his neck, melting into him.

"We should probably get out of the hallway before one of my neighbors wanders out to see what all the noise is about," he grinned, pulling away from the kiss, his face still hovering close to yours. "they already don't like me. I hardly think public displays of affection will win me any brownie points."

"Shut up, you dork," you laughed, leaning in to kiss him again and gently curling your fingers into his freshly washed hair. He groaned into your mouth, pulling you inside and kicking the door closed behind him. You smiled against his lips.

You were finally happy, and you didn't plan on letting it go any time soon.

[thirtysomethingloser92]

Chapter 3

Summary: When you unexpectedly discover you're pregnant, you're thrust into navigating the complexities of your new reality. As the baby's father remains distant, it's your partner, Sonny Carisi, who steps up in ways you couldn't dream of. You find yourself grappling with a whirlwind of emotions, including the unexpected feelings of slowly falling in love with your partner. Pairings: Sonny Carisi/Reader, Rafael Barba/Reader. Masterlist.

“I have these feelings, and they’re stupid and complicated and I don’t know if I’m able to stop them.” Your eyes watched as Rafael placed his drink down and placed his hands in his pockets, leaning against the front of his desk like he was waiting for you to finish, like he already knew what you were trying to say; “or even if I want too,” You finished in a whisper. You saw the ghost of a smirk cross Rafael’s face, his hands moving out of his pockets and stepping a bit closer to you, before placing his hands on either side of your neck. The warmth of his skin searing into your skin, his thumbs gently caressing you; “I don’t think I want you to either,” He finished, his voice low and heavy. The smell of aging scotch violating your nostrils as he leant down and pressed his lips to your own. His kiss was tentative at first, a soft brush of lips that left you breathless. Your heart raced, every beat echoing in your ears as his hands slid to the back of your neck, fingers threading through your hair. You felt his hesitance, his fear of rejection, but you also felt his need, his longing that matched your own.

You reached up, your hands resting on his chest, feeling the rapid thump of his heart beneath your palms. The kiss deepened, growing more urgent, more desperate, as if both of you were trying to make up for all the moments you had denied yourselves this closeness. His body pressed against yours, and you melted into him, losing yourself in the sensation.

The waiting room was sterile and cold, with its bland, off-white walls and outdated, uncomfortable chairs. The fluorescent lights above buzzed faintly, casting a harsh glow over everything. A few scattered magazines sat untouched on a low table, their pages worn and curled, dated by months. The faint hum of the air conditioning filled the silence, along with the occasional ding of the automatic sliding doors as people came and went.

You had been sitting in this waiting room for what felt like hours, though it had probably only been thirty minutes. Your eyes were glued to the clock above the receptionist’s desk, each second ticking by painfully slow, so slow that it almost seemed like time was moving backwards. Your hand rested on your slightly protruding stomach, your fingers tracing absentminded patterns as you waited for something—anything—to happen. Whether it was Rafael walking through those sliding doors or the ultrasound technician calling your name, it didn’t seem to matter anymore. You just wanted to move forward, to get through this moment.

A small sigh escaped your lips. You were trying—really trying—to keep Rafael involved. You had sent him reminders of all the appointments, kept him updated on the pregnancy, and tried to make space for him in this process. But out of the three appointments so far, he had only shown up to one. The other two, he claimed, were due to court obligations. You understood, of course—his job was demanding, and you had always admired his dedication. But as much as you tried to rationalize it, each missed appointment felt like a little more distance growing between you and him, and between him and the child you were carrying.

His mother had been more involved, in her own way. She had sent you a care package, filled with maternity clothes and little baby trinkets, and had called to promise that she would come visit when she had time off work. But promises were just that—empty until fulfilled—and you weren’t sure when, or if, she would actually make it.

And in the end, you realized there was only one person you could truly count on, the one person who had been there for every appointment, every late-night craving, every moment of uncertainty.

“How’s your bladder feeling?” Sonny’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts. He sat beside you, tucking his phone back into his suit jacket, a teasing smile playing on his lips.

You gave him a side-eye, not really in the mood but still amused by his attempt to lighten things up. “This is almost as bad as that time we were on stakeout in Brooklyn. You know, with the trafficking case?”

Sonny nodded, chuckling at the memory. “Oh yeah, and you drank all that coffee after being told not to drink all that coffee? I remember that. You barely made it through the night without exploding.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, even if it was just a small one. “Bright side is, as soon as this is over, you can go pee,” he added with a grin.

“My tiny bladder can’t cope with this,” you mumbled, rubbing your stomach gently as you shifted in your seat. Despite the light banter, your mind kept drifting back to Rafael. You wanted so badly to believe that he cared, that he would eventually step up and be present. After all, you had shared so much once, and this baby was a part of both of you. But with each passing appointment, each reminder left unanswered, each text that went without a reply, the hope you clung to grew dimmer. It was like watching a candle flicker and slowly burn out in a dark, quiet room. You didn’t want to admit it, not even to yourself, but a part of you was beginning to accept the hard truth: Rafael might never be the partner or father you had hoped for. The man you had once trusted to stand beside you through thick and thin was slowly becoming a distant figure, a ghost in the background of your life.

You sighed again, though this time it came from a deeper place. A weight settled in your chest, the kind of heaviness that comes from loving someone who might never love you back in the way you need them to. The silence between you and Sonny was comfortable, but your thoughts were anything but.

Just then, the soft hiss of the sliding doors caught your attention, but out of habit more than hope. You didn’t even bother turning around. You had stopped expecting Rafael to show up. It was easier that way—easier than enduring the constant disappointment of hoping, only to have it dashed again. Whoever had just walked through those doors, it wasn’t him. You knew that much. It was what you had come to expect.

“You know you can go if you need to,” you said quietly, watching as Sonny pulled out his phone again, likely checking his messages or glancing at the time. “You don’t have to hold my hand through this. Really.”

Sonny shrugged, slipping his phone back into his pocket without even looking at it. “I know you don’t need me here,” he said softly, his voice as steady and warm as ever. “But I want to be here.”

You turned to look at him, surprised by the simple sincerity in his words. His eyes met yours, and for a moment, you felt the world quiet around you. There was no judgment in his gaze, no impatience, no sense that he had anywhere else to be. Just him, right here, fully present.

“You don’t have to do this,” you repeated, more to reassure yourself than him. Despite how much you appreciated Sonny’s presence, you couldn’t help but feel guilty. This wasn’t his responsibility. He wasn’t the father. He wasn’t obligated to sit in this waiting room with you. “It’s not your problem.”

Sonny leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he turned slightly toward you. “I know it’s not my problem,” he said, his tone gentle but firm. “But you’re my partner, and my friend and friends don’t let each other go through this stuff alone. And besides…” He paused, his eyes softening as he glanced down at your hand resting on your belly, “…I care about you. Both of you.”

His words hung in the air, and for a second, you didn’t know how to respond. The tenderness in his voice, the sincerity in his eyes—it was more than you were used to. More than you had expected from him, or anyone for that matter. And yet, it didn’t feel overwhelming. It felt... right.

You swallowed, turning your gaze back to the floor as your fingers absently traced the curve of your stomach. “I just… I don’t know what I’m doing,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. The vulnerability crept up on you before you could stop it. “I thought I’d be doing this with Rafael, you know? I thought he’d be here, that we’d be figuring this out together. But now… now I don’t even know if he’ll be here at all.” The last part slipped out before you could catch it, and your chest tightened at the confession. Saying it out loud made it feel real—the kind of real that you couldn’t take back. The weight of your words hung between you and Sonny, heavy and undeniable.

You let out a shaky breath, trying to gather your thoughts. “After that meeting a few weeks ago, it’s just been… weird,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “Like, Rafael will call, he’ll show up for appointments sometimes, and he’ll say these things that make me think—maybe, just maybe—this co-parenting thing could actually work. That he’s willing to be involved, you know?”

You could feel Sonny’s eyes on you, quietly listening, giving you the space to let it all out. You took another breath, your fingers fidgeting with the hem of your shirt as you continued. “But then… sometimes he just goes silent. No calls. No texts. It’s like he disappears, and I’m left hanging again. Wondering. Waiting.” You swallowed hard, the lump in your throat making it difficult to speak. “I dunno. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, considering how he just walked out on me without much of an explanation. But I thought… I thought it would be different with the baby.” You let out a half-hearted, bitter laugh, shaking your head at the absurdity of it all. "You think you know a guy," you said, your voice tinged with frustration and disbelief. "I mean, I knew we weren't perfect. I knew he had his issues, especially after everything that happened with his job, his family, all of it. But I didn’t think he’d just… leave. Not like that.”

The memory of Rafael walking out still stung, even though you had spent weeks trying to convince yourself it didn’t. You had told yourself over and over that you were fine, that you were strong enough to handle it. But late at night, when the apartment was dark and quiet, those thoughts would creep back in. You’d replay the moment you realised he left-finding that note on your bedside table-and wonder if there had been something you could’ve done, something you could’ve said, to make him stay.

You had spent weeks in limbo, waiting for a call, an explanation, anything that would make sense of it all. But instead, all you got was silence. Eventually, you had no choice but to accept it—that you and Rafael, no matter how much you loved him, were never really meant to be. The relationship you had clung to, the future you had imagined, had slipped through your fingers the moment he decided to walk away.

The weight of that truth settled heavily in your chest, the bitter finality of it. Maybe you’d never fully understand why he left, but you couldn’t keep torturing yourself with the question. It was like chasing a shadow—something you could never quite catch, something that would always elude you.

Sonny shifted beside you, his expression concerned, his lips parting as if he were about to say something. But before he could, you heard your name called from the far side of the room. You blinked, snapping out of the spiral of thoughts as you realized it was finally time for your appointment.

You pulled yourself to your feet, feeling the weight of your growing belly as you stood. The baby shifted inside you, pressing down hard on your bladder, and you winced at the uncomfortable sensation.

"I swear I’m going to wet myself any second now," you muttered under your breath, half-joking, half-serious.

Sonny was already on his feet beside you, his hand instinctively reaching out to offer support. You didn’t even have to ask. He was there, steady and reliable as always, making sure you were okay as you made your way toward the ultrasound room.

The technician, a woman with a warm smile and kind eyes, greeted you as you approached. “Ready to see your little one today?” she asked in a cheerful tone, clearly trying to put you at ease.

You nodded, though your thoughts were still tangled in the emotions that Rafael’s absence had stirred up. You wished, deep down, that he were here to experience this moment with you. But at the same time, part of you was relieved that he wasn’t. The constant back-and-forth with him, the uncertainty—it was exhausting. And right now, you needed peace more than anything.

Sonny hovered just behind you, his hand resting lightly on your back as you walked. He didn’t say anything, but his presence was enough. It grounded you, reminded you that no matter how messy things felt, you weren’t alone in this. Not really.

<><><><><><><>

The late afternoon sun filtered through the light canopy above, casting golden dapples across the small iron café table. You swirled the straw in your iced drink, watching the condensation drip down the side of the cup as you studied Sonny across from you. He was leaning forward, elbows resting on the table, hands animated as he spoke—his whole expression lit up like a kid on Christmas morning.

“You’re like a child who just saw Santa for the first time,” you teased, laughing as you sipped through the straw.

Sonny chuckled, that warm, soft sound that always seemed to make everything feel a little easier. “There’s something incredible about seeing that though,” he said, eyes wide with something close to awe. “Knowing that in there, a whole little person is growin’, moving around and just… existing. It’s the miracle of life, you know?”

You tilted your head with a fond smile. “What? So no comment about how the tech thought the baby was yours?” You raised an eyebrow as you took another drink.

Sonny gave you a look, one corner of his mouth tugging up. “Hey, I didn’t hear you clearing that up the first time she said it either.”

You blushed slightly and looked away, sheepish. “I didn’t hear her until the second time she said it,” you muttered. “I was too busy focusing on not wetting myself.”

He laughed and shook his head, reaching for his espresso.

Just then, your phone buzzed across the table, the screen lighting up with Rafael Barba. Your stomach flipped.

“Speaking of baby daddies,” you murmured under your breath, ignoring the way Sonny’s brows rose in immediate interest.

You leaned back in your chair, bringing the phone to your ear. “Hey.”

“I’m sorry,” Rafael’s voice came through, slightly breathless. You could hear street sounds behind him. “I got caught up and lost track of time. How’d it go?”

You didn’t even bother softening your tone. “Well, you’ll be glad to know that it’s a baby.”

There was a short huff of amusement on the other end. “I was wondering,” he replied, his voice just as dry. “Can I make it up to you?”

You narrowed your eyes slightly. “How?”

A pause. “Dinner? I know you’re not really one for going out these days, but I could pick something up and swing by your apartment?”

You stared down at your half-empty drink, your jaw tightening before you responded. “Are you actually gonna show up?”

Sonny’s eyes flicked up from his coffee, quietly watching you. You caught his look and gave him a sharp glance that said not now.

“I’ll show up,” Rafael said quietly. “I’ll be there.”

You sighed, running a hand over your face. You wanted to believe him. God, you wanted to. There was a time you never would have doubted him—when he was everything solid and safe in a world that often wasn’t. He was your constant, your person.

But now? Now, all you could feel was the ache of hesitation. The disappointment that had crept in, little by little, until it felt like a permanent fixture in your chest. You hated that you couldn’t trust him, hated how hard it was becoming to believe in him again.

“Yeah, fine. Okay,” you said, your voice low.

“I’ll see you tonight.”

You didn’t answer. Just ended the call and set the phone down.

Sonny was still watching you, that same quiet, patient look on his face.

“Barba’s coming over tonight,” you said slowly, turning your straw again in the cup, “bringing dinner.” You snorted. “If he does.”

“He will,” Sonny said, his voice gentle but firm.

You looked away, your fingers tightening on the plastic cup. “Yeah, but will he though? Come on, he’s gotten pretty damn good at flaking on me lately.”

You gave a bitter little laugh and stirred your drink again, the ice clinking against the sides. Sonny didn’t say anything right away. “He cares about you. He still does—you know that,” Sonny finally offered, his voice gentle but sure, the kind of tone he used when coaxing the truth out of scared witnesses or calming down someone on the edge.

You let out a short, bitter laugh and leaned back in your chair, the metal legs scraping faintly against the concrete patio. “Let’s count this down, shall we?” you said, holding up a finger. “He left me. With a fucking note, Sonny. Like a goddamn teenager ghosting a summer fling.”

You lifted another finger. “Then he ignored me. Weeks went by—weeks—and it wasn’t until Liv reached out that he finally acknowledged me. Or this baby.”

Sonny’s jaw tightened slightly, his brows furrowed with a flicker of sympathy, but he stayed quiet, letting you speak.

“And even now, knowing everything—knowing what this is—he still doesn’t come to appointments.” You paused, letting out a breath as you held up another finger. “Sorry. Correction. He came to one doctor’s appointment. A few weeks ago. Made a whole show of asking questions and acting like he gave a damn.”

You blinked, slow and deliberate, then dropped your hand and shook your head. “My point is... everything else is always more important to him. His work, his ego, whatever’s going on in that head of his—it’s all more important than this.” You gestured to yourself, to the small swell under your jacket, barely visible now but all-consuming to you. “Than me. Than this baby.”

The weight of your words lingered in the air. A siren wailed faintly in the distance. Someone laughed from inside the café. The world kept moving.

“It’s really hard,” you went on, quieter now, “trying to co-parent and do the whole thing with someone who only wants to be involved when it’s convenient. It makes me feel like I’m walking a tightrope every time I let him in. Like I can’t rely on him, but if I don’t let him try, then maybe I’m the bad guy.”

“You don’t think he’s gonna stick around?” Sonny asked carefully, eyes soft but searching. He didn’t push—you could always count on that with him. Just asked, just listened.

“I didn’t say that.” You shrugged a shoulder, half-hearted. “I just mean... I’m not expecting a lot from him. Which is fine. Loads of people do this alone, right? Liv managed. Amanda did it—twice. I can do this too.”

You looked down at your hands, fingers loosely knotted together in your lap. Your nails were chipped. You hadn’t even noticed.

Sonny gave you a small smile then, warm and steady. “Yeah, you can,” he said, without a hint of doubt. Not just encouraging, but believing it. Believing you.

You glanced up at him, your throat tightening unexpectedly. It was that look—pure, unwavering support, no agenda, no strings. Just Sonny, sitting across from you like he always did. Showing up.

<><><><><><><> It was just past seven when a knock on the door pulled you from the half-watched rerun playing on the TV. You blinked, slow and heavy-lidded, the soft glow from the screen casting flickering shadows across your apartment. You stood, stretching out the stiffness in your legs, one hand instinctively brushing over your stomach as you padded toward the door.

When you opened it, Rafael Barba stood on the other side, slightly out of breath like he’d jogged the last block, a white paper bag in one hand and that familiar uncertain look in his eyes—the one he used in court when he wasn’t sure how the jury would swing.

“Got you those, uh… those snacks from the bodega on the corner,” he said, holding out the bag like an olive branch. “The ones you used to love. I thought we could choose dinner once I got here—I wasn’t sure what you’d want.”

You looked at him for a long second, your expression unreadable. He looked a little thinner, like stress had been gnawing at him. His tie was loosened, his shirt slightly wrinkled under the navy vest. Still polished—but not pristine.

“I didn’t even think you’d show up,” you said quietly.

His face faltered. You stepped aside after a pause, silently letting him in. The door clicked shut behind you, muffling the world.

“I deserved that,” Rafael murmured, placing the bag carefully on the coffee table like it might break. He took a breath and turned to look at you properly—eyes scanning, almost studying you, like he was trying to memorize every change. You dropped into the armchair with a small exhale, curling your feet under you as he unbuttoned his vest and eased down onto the couch.

“God, this couch has only just gotten worse,” he muttered, shifting his weight with a soft groan. “It always tried to swallow me whole.” Then he looked over at you with a tired smirk. “It suits you.”

You raised a brow. “What does?”

“Pregnancy,” he finished softly, his voice gentler now.

Your eyes flicked away. “Yeah, well, don’t get used to it. I’m only doing it the once,” you replied, giving a small huff. His gaze lingered too long, and it made you shift in your seat, your body suddenly too aware of itself under his scrutiny. You rubbed your hand over the curve of your belly, not protectively—reflexively.

“How have you been feeling?” he asked, settling back into the cushions, his tone more clinical now, like it might be safer.

You shrugged. “Tired. Hungry. The usual.”

“Nothing much has changed then?” he teased.

You cracked a smile. “Not particularly, no.”

Rafael leaned his head back with a quiet laugh. It was small, but it was real, “Any cravings yet?” he asked, smirking again as he glanced over.

“These, uh… spicy burger things from the place down the street from the precinct. Pretty sure the workers know Carisi by name at this point.” You laughed again, more relaxed now. “He keeps picking them up for me without even asking.”

Rafael hesitated, the smirk fading just slightly. His gaze sharpened—just a bit too interested, “Carisi?” he echoed, slow and cautious. “He, uh… he been doing a lot for you?”

You paused, something in his tone catching your attention. You met his eyes, your own suddenly cooler, “Well,” you said, voice even, “he’s the only one I’ve really been able to rely on.” The words hung heavy in the space between you, pointed but not raised. Just true. Rafael dropped his gaze, studying his hands like they might hold answers he hadn’t been able to say aloud. His jaw clenched once, the way it always did when emotion threatened to push past his control. After a moment, he cleared his throat and looked back up. “I’m glad you’ve had someone here for you.”

“I would have much rather it be you,” you replied, voice low, tight in your throat. “But it just seems like everything’s more important, you know? This—” you gestured vaguely between yourself and your stomach “—never seemed like it made the cut.”

He didn’t speak right away. You saw it—how his eyes flicked to the side, how he exhaled hard through his nose, fighting the swell of guilt that was clearly choking him. When he finally looked back at you, his gaze was softer, wounded.

“I didn’t mean for it to come off that way,” he said. “Trust me, nothing is more important than this. Than you—” He stopped as your expression shifted. Something must’ve cracked across your face, because he winced and backed off, sighing sharply. “What do you need from me?” he asked, voice quieter now. “Whatever you want. I’ll do it.”

You pinched the bridge of your nose, letting the weight of everything press in for just a second. “Just be there. Show up. I’m almost halfway through this pregnancy and I haven’t even started shopping, haven’t looked at a single thing because I can’t. Because every time I try, I hear your voice in my head—like I need your fucking approval for everything I do for this baby.”

“You don’t—” he began, instinctive.

“I know I don’t,” you cut in, looking at him now, hard and direct. “But you’re the father, Rafael. You are. And you’re supposed to have a say in this. You should. But you’re not around long enough to have one.” Your voice cracked slightly, but you pushed through it. “What happens when this case is done? You gonna pack your bags again? Head back upstate, back to your perfect, curated life, and leave me here doing this alone?”

Rafael swallowed hard, his throat working. Then, barely above a whisper: “Then come with me.”

Your eyes snapped to him.

“I have a place,” he continued quickly. “It’s big enough. Quiet. It’s not forever, just… long enough for the three of us to figure this out.”

You scoffed, a bitter little laugh as you looked away, shaking your head. “If you asked me that question months ago—before you left—I would’ve come in a heartbeat. No hesitation. But now?” Your voice dropped. “I’m not going to leave everything behind for someone who left me without a second thought.”

He flinched like you’d hit him, “We’re still bringing this up?” he asked, the frustration in his voice creeping in.

“Yeah, we’re still bringing it up,” you snapped. “Because it still hits pretty damn raw. You didn’t come back for me. You came back because Liv called you. Do you even understand what that feels like? To know the person you loved more than anything didn’t love you enough to come back on their own?” You blinked hard. The burn behind your eyes was impossible to ignore now. “Do you have any idea what that feels like?”

Rafael’s mouth parted, his face drawn tight with emotion. “I loved you, okay?” he said quickly, his voice rising with the force of it. “I still love you. I’ll never stop loving you.”

You didn’t move, but your breath caught.

“But knowing I left you,” he continued, “knowing you were carrying my child—it terrified me. I didn’t know how to come back from that. How the hell do I walk into your life again after doing the one thing I swore I’d never do to you?”

“You just do it,” you shot back. “Because I needed you. You think you were scared? I found out I was pregnant and you wouldn’t answer your damn phone. For weeks, Rafael. And by the time you finally showed up, I was in my second trimester.” Your voice cracked again. You didn’t care. “The only person who’s been there—who stepped up where you didn’t—is the one person who shouldn’t have had to. But he did. Because he wanted to. Because he actually gives a shit about me.”

Rafael looked down, biting the inside of his cheek. Then he nodded, once. Twice. “You’re right,” he said, quietly. “Okay? You’re right. I was gutless. Hell, I’m still gutless. But I’m here now.”

“You’re still leaving after this case,” you reminded him, not cruel—just tired.

He gave a helpless shrug. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. But for now? I’m here. And I’ll try harder. I’ll do better. I’ll step up where it matters.”

He looked at you, really looked at you, and something in his eyes shifted—earnest, vulnerable, cracked open. “Tomorrow,” he said with new resolve. “Okay? Tomorrow, you and I—we’ll go shopping. Get baby stuff. Clear out that spare room of yours—because I know it still has boxes you’ve been avoiding, and let’s be honest, you’re not getting rid of those without someone pushing you.” He offered you the smallest of smiles. Not perfect, not entirely confident—but real.

You stared at him for a long moment, then gave a soft, quiet, “Okay.”

Rafael nodded, the smile widening a touch. “Okay.”

For the first time in what felt like forever, it felt like maybe something was beginning to mend.

[heartbarisi]

rafael barba i love you i’m sorry for the hurt i’m putting you through in this fic

[kenobifitz]

Favorite ever L&O SVU fic of yours and if someone else's? Let's start a chain. Tag someone else!

hello anon and thanks for the ask🧚‍♀️

there are so many amazing writers in the SVU fandom, i mainly read barisi/rollisi fics so these are some of my recs for those if you're into them :)

two of mine (which im surprisingly proud of not gonna lie)

absolution (if you want some barisi smut with religious guilt and virgin!sonny in the mix)

He could lie. Say it’s just him wanting to impress Rafael for their first time together. But no. It was his first time. Ever. Sonny Carisi was a virgin.

is it casual? (if you want an barisi au where sonny is a hot gym teacher and lots of pining)

Rafael gets dragged into a spin class and meets a ridiculously hot gym instructor in tight spandex shorts.

nooow, onto the recs, gonna try to put a few and im probably forgetting a lot of them because of the amount of crazy good fics in the fandom.

barisi fics:

Established Dom!Barba & Sub!Carisi by the amazing spectacular @request-remand

really good barisi smut with the feels, honestly just read all of their fics they're all amazing

you didn’t have to look at me like that, like i mean something by lousdrafts ( @fwtxl )

Rafael barba is a pining idiot who doesn’t think sonny would want him, but surprise he does!

Or 5 + 1 times they almost do something about the ever building tension and when they finally do

love love this one, lots of pining 🫶🏼

The Cabin by @margoblack

During a snowstorm, Carisi and Barba crash their car and are seemingly rescued by a pair of strangers. However, as they recover in a remote cabin, they begin to suspect that their rescuers might not be as helpful as they seem.

Margo has so many good fics if you like romantic comedy (funniest writer fr) and angst

Every Homily A Love Letter by @barisistill

Sonny is a priest AU.

This one just...god it's so beautifully heartbreaking. *praying for an update pls* but yeah I'm a sucker for religious guilt and this one hits all the right buttons.

So. The cat. by @ae-nar

“Hi there, sweetheart,” he says and watches as the cat’s ears twitch. He brings his right hand up slowly and puts it in front of the cat for it to sniff. It barely opens its eyes, which makes Sonny worry for its survivor instinct, aren’t cats supposed to be on constant lookout? He’s always been more of a dog person, if he’s honest, so he really doesn’t know what he’s doing. The cat, seemingly satisfied with Sonny’s scent, lays its head down. Is it going back to sleep? What is Sonny even supposed to do?! He doesn’t remember emergency protocol for finding a cat in Barba’s open office at ass o’clock! “Who are you?”

Alternative Universe where Barba can transform into a cat and it's so fucking adorable I loved it!! (Also read their Barmaro to Barisi pipeline series, really good character study)

Serve and Protect by GenuineSnoof

Liv and Rafael don't see eye to eye about their latest case. Rafael feels forced to take matters into his own hands.

honestly, badass Rafael all around!! with worried sonny, hurt rafa, established barisi like come ooon, i love it.

Late Night Phone Calls by OreoLuvr13

Rafael thought that he was done with getting Liv's late night phone calls when he left the DA's office. It turns out he was wrong. Liv is calling and Sonny isn't home. A Barisi missing scene from 19.19-Sunk Cost Fallacy

im a sucker for post 19.19 fics, so this one hits right.

rollisi fics:

The Things We Can't Forget by @electrictoes

When Carisi's sister shows up at the precinct, the case she presents the squad with brings old demons back to haunt him.

i would put all their fics here but i cant so this one has to do, just delicious hurt/comfort, but really go read all theirs, good rollisi always

Admiring the View by Niklet

"She used to roll her eyes when she heard other women talking about how they’d fallen in love with their best friend. And then it had happened to her. Although now she thought about it, she wasn’t sure which one of “best friend” or “falling in love” had come first."

can u tell i love sonny too? yeah

Obvious by SwordsandPens

A stranger to them, who had not witnessed the years of partnership and friendship and near misses….could see that Carisi had feelings for her. Of course, Amanda wasn’t naive. She knew that no matter how professional Sonny was, there was a way about him; a subconscious perk in his body when she entered a room, and he was always close by; an arm's reach from her, most of any time they were together. But they’d always been like that, hadn’t they?

like they were obviously in love for a whileeee

you got plans? don't say that by bcofl0ve

they make out in the courthouse hallway and carisi comes in his pants and then they fuck in the bathroom that's it that's the plot

good ol' rollisi smut

anyways that's all i have for now, there are a lot im probably forgetting and anyone tagged here please feel free to share your recs if u want🫶🏼🫡