#sonic rebound

[nightblind99]

I WAS AWAKENED BY THE HOWLING OF THE DOG- OR PERHAPS A WOLF.

[thescribe1118]

Sonic Vs Shadow

[rabbithaver]

sonic rebound is really fucking impressive and everyone should watch all 6 episodes right now. the way they build onto the already solid foundation that is IDW's first arc is really fucking cool

[sunnylovesgirlythings]

If they ever decide to bring dr Starline to the sonic movie universe he NEEDS to be voiced by David Tennant. I’m sorry it’s the ONLY voice I can imagine coming out of THIS-

[riftclaw]

Rebound the Jackal

Avatar bust of a design I got from Jesseth last year!

Posted using PostyBirb

[rockbottleart]

“Go back to weirdo land!”

Rebound the Red Panda, belonging to @zitoisart-blog - drawn as part of a ‘Draw it in your style’ challenge over in Twit-app.

[thatonesonicfanfictionwriter]

May I request Sonic x reader, in which Sonic finds out reader has a child from a past relationship, I think it would be cute to see Sonic be the cool stepdad, he would 100% say some cringy shit like “I’m not a stepdad..I’m the dad that stepped up”, I also want reader to reassure Sonic that they didn’t start dating him as a “rebound” from their past lover, dad sonic is so cute (^｡^)

Take your time!

🦔

“Always Happy to Help”

Pairing: Sonic the Hedgehog x Parent Reader

Requested: Yes (by an anon).

Description: Having recently started dating Sonic, you didn’t expect him to find out about [Child’s Name]. But luckily for you, he was happy to help you out!

Notes: Ahhh, a classic one. Sonic does have the “I’m not the stepdad, I’m the dad that stepped up” vibes in this one, fr.

(Reader and their kid will be gender-neutral.)

(Both Reader and Sonic are adults, like how I usually write the Sonic characters.)

(Not proof-read/beta-read.)

– – – – – – – – – – – –

It was a typical day for you and Sonic. You had actually managed to convince him to come over and hang out with you.

Why was this so important, you might ask?

You finally felt ready to tell Sonic about [Child’s Name].

And no, don’t worry, you didn’t cheat on him!

[Child’s Name] came from your past relationship, and you ended up getting full custody.

Sonic walks in, whistling a little bit.

“You got a nice place, [Name]!” Sonic says, looking around your place.

“Heh, I’m glad you like it!” you tell him. “Anyway, I have something, or, I suppose someone to show you.”

Sonic tilts his head to the side, confused, which he knows is way too adorable for his own good.

“[Child’s Name]! I’m home!” you announce.

“BABAAAA!” you hear [Child’s Name] yell, rushing out of their room and hugging your leg. “I missed you, Baba!”

“Hehe! Baba missed you too,” you tell them. “Did you enjoy your time with Aunt Amy?”

“Yeahyeahyeah! Ambie showed me how to make cookies!” [Child’s Name] announces.

“Yeah, we had a lot of fun!” Amy states, having come out of [Child’s Name]’s room.

“I have so many questions,” Sonic mutters.

“Sonic, this is my kid, [Child’s Name],” you tell him. “Amy’s been babysitting them whenever we go on dates.”

“How long have you had a kid?! And why didn’t you tell me about this CUTIE SOONER?!” Sonic asks, picking up [Child’s Name] and spinning them, causing them to giggle uncontrollably.

“That’s what I was saying! [Child’s Name] is a cutie patoot!” Amy states.

“Am cute patoot!” [Child’s Name] repeats.

“You are a cutie patootie!” you tell them.

“How long have you had them, [Nickname]?” Sonic asks you.

“Oh, a couple years before I met you,” you state.

“Baba, is this my new Dada?” [Child’s Name] asks you.

“Only if you want him to be,” you tell them.

[Child’s Name] thinks for a moment before nodding.

“New Dada,” [Child’s Name] says, snuggling into Sonic.

“Sayyyy, you didn’t start dating me just to get a new parent for the kid, did you?” Sonic asks jokingly.

“Of course not, silly,” you tell him. “I started dating you because you stole my heart.”

“Hehe, good to hear,” he says, chuckling.

The next day, Sonic went out and bought a shirt that read, “I’M NOT THE STEPDAD, I’M THE DAD THAT STEPPED UP.”

Typical Sonic.

[sheepslaps]

are any of your human sonic characters in a relationship or have any crushes (can be now or in the past)? Have you thought about any of their sexual/romantic orientations?

oh i have had thoughts about some past relationships, and a few current ones; here we go-

in the past:

sonic/amy - dated in high school, broke up in senior year. amy fell first, sonic fell harder but it didn't work out - he still has some feelings for her though

shadow/rouge - it never got that far with them, it was ultimately FWB. rouge still thinks shadow is attractive and teases him just to fuck with him and knuckles

sonic/blaze - slight rebound from sonic's end after amy, they never went that far but blaze broke it off since sonic having no prospects was a turn off for her

rouge/vector - it was ONE night okay, both of them deny it

plus amy being flirty, has done it to; shadow, silver, blaze, jet

currently:

metal/amy - it's mainly a platonic flirty relationship bc amy is like that, metal likes the attention from her and her only

silver/blaze - he makes her laugh, she motivates him to keep improving. nobody believes silver and blaze are dating bc of how awkward he is, and blaze stays private about it (she's not a gossip). plus, silver actually has goals for himself and that's attractive to her

sonic/shadow - sonic flirts with shadow a lot bc it pisses him off. shadow is irritated by it but doesn't stop it. so much tension between these two (rouge: if you two don't just fuck each other already)

rouge/knuckles - rouge stays over at knuckles place so often that she might as well live there. every time these two are seen together, they're either fighting or making out. both just head over heels for each other. rouge will flirt with other guys to piss knuckles off, but there is NOTHING she wouldn't do for that man.

vector/vanilla - it started as vector coming over for food. then the flirting started. then the fixing up around her house started. a dependable young man with a heart of gold that never hesitates to help her? oh, vanilla is crazy in love like she's in college again. and vector gets a milf who shows him affection all for doing his job, it's great

assume all characters are pansexual unless otherwise stated

espio is the otherwise, he's aroace, thank you

edit; metal and amy are queer platonic (me only now remembering the name for it)

also it's kinda funny that amy and blaze both are into sonic but both metal and silver have that little extra that sonic doesn't

[writing-with-yours-truly]

"Coming to Earth" - Sonic [Sonic Movies 1-3] x Mobian!Reader

Warnings: Spoilers, references to Sonic 1

Request: N/A

You had appeared on Earth a few weeks after Sonic went Super for the first time. Unlike Tails and Knuckles, you didn't have a reason or destiny. You were just exploring. That is, until you appeared on Earth.

Five seconds.

You lasted five seconds without almost getting hit by something. You walked a few feet onto the two-lane highway ahead of you, and a mildly loud horn started to play in your ears. Your ears perk up, and you look to see what it is. Bright lights shone in your eyes like the Sun. Startled, you run across the road to the other side, just barely missing getting hit.

Even after that scare, you kept trekking forward, destined to find nothing in particular. Where you're from, you heard 3 Mobians -an Echida, Fox and Hedgehog- reside on this planet.

You fix your fur and keep walking until you step in a booby trap. The rope tightens on your leg and you get flipped over, left to dangle upside down on a tree.

With not too many options, you settled to yell for help. After minutes of yelling, your voice strained and you went silent. When all felt hopeless and your eyes began to shut, a blue blur came to your rescue. The blob in your vision cut your rope and caught you before your face could hit the ground.

Once the blood was flowing to your head and your vision restored, you looked at the thing that saved your life.

A blue hedgehog. "Woah," You said in awe as you get set back down. "The legend is true."

The hedgehog kept an eye on you with his emerald irises. "And that is..?"

"There's a hedgehog, a fox, and an echidna here. And I assume you're a hedgehog."

"Thought that it was obvious," He sounded slightly offended, but it instantly rebounded to a smile. You smiled back.

You ended up introducing yourself with a handshake.

"I'm Sonic," The hedgehog introduced himself with a confident point to his chest.

"If you also don't mind me asking, why did you come to Earth?" Sonic asked, beginning to walk. He gestured you to follow.

"Honestly? Just exploring. It's a really pretty place, until that trap," You muttered.

"That," Sonic laughed. "Was one of Crazy Carl's traps he tried to use to catch me. Before any human knew I existed, he had suspicions."

You couldn't help but chuckle. "They do?"

"Yeah! I actually have a family I stay with. I'd be happy to introduce you!"

[patricia-taxxon]

How to make the perfect marble blast clone in 2024:

aim in the opposite direction from marble it up, more responsivity, higher "game speed," bouncier marble.

instead of having the difficulty come from hefty momentum making you plan your turns ahead, have it come from the marble's spin potentially shooting off course if you don't consider each impact.

less focus on Tiny Wings style racetracks, more focus on organic jagged terrain that forces you to reckon with the shape of it directly

include a jump, but slowly phase it out. let it come to never be enough on its own, you reach heights by rebounding off sloped surfaces, doing wall hits.

only one powerup, pick it up & click to receive a boost in the direction the camera is pointing, be it laterally or vertically.

only one friction surface, marble blast platinum's Water. (extremely high friction, no bounce.)

it's a 3D precision platformer.

marble blast platinum still has the most wisdom and innovation regarding this genre, making it more than the best 3D sonic game. it made "marble maneuvering on a balance beam" into something fun and engaging. study it.

[discardedmilkywaywrapper]

finally a metal sonic with capacity to ^^. this is what we've been missing the sonic rebound is now

[sonicssweetheart]

me approximately an hour ago sobbing over listening to forward beckon rebound while writing about finding tails pre meeting sonic being full of bruises and cuts and being able to see his ribs and he’s scared and crying and shaking ☹️ i hate my head it GIVES ME PAIN ALL THE TJME

i’m so maternal towards him it’s so bad i just wanna hold him and let him cry he’s just a baby :( </3

anyway should i write angst on that topic,,, js taking care of him after finding him alone,,,, my baby 😞

chat what if i’m pregnant and that’s why im so emotional i sobbed over that for an hour. PLUS MY CRASHOUT OVER SONIC LAST NIGHT??? am i like hearted or knocked up who knows

[bunji-enthusiast]

Sorry again but that scourge fic?? TYYYYY imagine this now, you're still Sonic's friend and he's particularly protective over you, the whole Sonic vs Scourge fight begins as Scourge walks out from the portal, crown on his head, Scourge flirting with YOU as he's fighting Sonic just to mess with said hedgehog and prob you?? Ooc I think but idc right now 😭

Heavy Lies The Crown — Scourge The Hedgehog

Note || thank you! I really didn’t know what to do, so I just went off on the top of my head for that fic lol. Went off the top off of my head for this one too, but I’ll do something more proper for him in the future when I can force myself to.

WC || 480

Sypnosis || One Hedgehog, Two Hedgehogs. It can get rather confusing when the greener of the two can be very indifferent compared to your more heroic friend.

“Well ain't this interestin?” Scourge chuckled, legs pushing forward as he revealed himself forth from the portal. Right now, it was just; you, Sonic and Scourge. This was a tense atmosphere of which you were not absolutely sure you could redirect, or for that matter prevent the two from fighting. 

What the hell was with the crown though? That was a brand new addition, and in your honest opinion wasn’t a good choice of fashion for the rebellious hedgehog. 

“Leave ‘em outta this.”Sonic growled, tentatively side-stepping to block you from his view. You were albeit confused, a hint of confusion remaining on your face despite the clear clarity of the situation. 

Scourge threw his hands up in a matter of a dramatic gesture of a display, a sharp smile forming on his face, “Come on, I’m pretty sure the pretty little thing has as much business and priority in this as much as you.”

“I-”

For a moment you thought you saw the blue blur falter in his steps as he rose up to go face to face with Scourge, but you would talk about that with him later. You didn’t want to get in his way, regardless of how much you wanted to understand what the two meant. 

“Eh it’s really too bad, honestly.” Scourge mentions at one point or another, whilst in the midst of fighting Sonic. This seemed to confuse you, but you couldn’t tell with the look on Sonic’s face, it looked like he just wanted to get this done and over with. You wanted too as well, but Scourge was highly unpredictable at times that even you could not understand. “You're really cute darlin, and that’s the real shame here.”

He grins when he realizes that Sonic had stopped speaking completely, leaving all preconditions out the window. That really bothered him, and Scourge was feeling all the better with it. 

 “Maybe you should pay attention, instead of making useless comments.” You note, crossing your arms as you already had found a safe distance away from their fighting. At most, even Sonic had found himself silently agreeing with you. 

“Yeah, you gotta be sick of chasing after so many innocent mobians who had nothing to do with you in the first place.” Sonic snickers as he slides back from a rebounded attack from Scourge, he pants for a few moments as he gains his bearings again. 

Scourge’s lips almost falters, revealing a short-sighted frown. “Oh shaddup, you should be the one to pay attention chump.” He gains a running start as he attacks Sonic with a stronger dash, strength was not something the green hedgehog had lacked for a very long time now. Ever since his fortunate upgrade, he felt lucky otherwise.

To be able to gain some sort of revenge on Sonic, and mess with you too at the same time was even better.

[summers-art]

washing machine heart seems so perfect for them honestly

🎵Song #8 Washing Machine Heart by Mitski 🎵[Full playlist]

EHEHEHE THANK YOU! I knew I wanted a Mitski song on there and I'm so glad I found this one because yessss, to me it is just *chef kiss* for them. It also has a rly nice transition to #9 Supermassive Black Hole, absolutely love the beat of Washing machine heart getting all distorted in the end of the song and how it flows so well into the electrical guitar riff and rock drumbeat from Supermassive black hole with it's darker tone, HEHE very happy with that one 🫶🩷

Story wise it's a fun transition too. Like at this point they are kind of assumed to be an item, going steady or whatever people call it these days. But like the prev song, #7 Do you think we'll last forever? the seeds of "something aint right here 🤔🙁" is planted with a hint of that obsession and whirlwind of emotions. Then here there is a lot of things to unpack with Metals jealousy over Sonic and that whole identity crisis, which only gets worse in the upcoming songs.

Like, for this relationship to truly work there is a lot of issues that has to be grappled with but uh oh we haven't had the time to unpack all of that yet, so ermm... oops!!! 😅don't worry about it 💔

LYRICAL BREAK DOWN BELOW 👇

Toss your dirty shoes in my washing machine heart Baby, bang it up inside

I've never fucking used a washing machine to clean shoes, is that like an American thing or something... idk. But it clearly reads to me like a metaphor about ones past/baggage and to just dump it onto your new partner like- Yea? Those muddy dirty shoes she's worn for so long? The shoes she's spent running around and chasing after Sonic for all those years? Toss those shoes into your washing machine heart??? I mean sure- if you insist 🩷

Also obligatory pointing at the machine lyrics for the robot. Low hanging fruit for analyzing but I have to point it out each time bc it is never not relevant. Metals chest is suppose to be a jet engine but like... it doesn't look too far off from a washing machine drum... have you heard those things as the program is close to finishing?? All the ones I've used in communal shared spaces always sounds like they are about to take off into the space. They might as well be jet engines

I'm not wearing my usual lipstick I thought maybe we would kiss tonight

The transgirl Metal agenda and propaganda continues. Congratulations on the gender girlie I'm so happy for you 🏳️‍⚧️

Idk how you use lipstick without a mouth but I believe in you. I also do prefer a more butch lesbian Metal so lipstick wouldn't be apart of her gender presentation there either buuut, I love all Metals including the femme ones. And even with my own HC I don't see it as out of the picture to present more femme at the start of a transitioning journey as part of experimenting with it before finding what feels the best :] peace and love ✌️

Baby will you kiss me already and Toss your dirty shoes in my washing machine heart? Baby, bang it up inside

Damn girl, eager are we? Doesn't even care if it hurts or gets damaged in the process haha, what is self preservation anyway? This def makes me think about the previous song and how the obsession takes root. It would be fun to break down that one as well esp with lines like: "(Do you think we'll last forever?) / No pressure though, you just tell me, "Yes" or "No"" and "Tell me that you want me 'cause I got to admit / If you're with someone else, I don't think I could exist" like OKAY!!! This is, completely fine. Very healthy mindset. 10/10 no notes 👍 (JOKE)

Baby, though I've closed my eyes I know who you pretend I am I know who you pretend I am

OOP, there it is. The line that makes my brain and heart go 💥💥💥

MAN, punches the wall, I don't think Amy would ever purposefully ""replace"" Sonic with Metal Sonic. Can you even call it a rebound if I don't think she was ever really dating him to begin with, LMAO. I do think it is hilarious to pair her up with most of his rivals though like, dang Sonic look who stole your girl cause you didn't give her a chance, serves u right 😘💅

But more seriously tho I think she obviously values her friendship with Sonic a lot and wouldn't try and get back at him or use someone else to get over her crush on him. NOT INTENTIONALLY AT LEAST- (aint that a fun internal feeling of shame/guilt to be plagued with) but I can't blame Metal for having that anxiety, especially not when you are programmed to literally think you are that guy and people just decided to see your inferior copy as the real one who is so easily adored and loved and a hero like... wtf..... so fucked up (I love it) 💔

Do mi ti Why not me? Why not me?

SCREAMING. CRYING. THROWING UP- 😭😭😭OGHGOHGOH

IT IS YOU METAL!! YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED TOO FOR WHO YOU ARE- A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT AND SEPARATE INDIVIDUAL FROM WHAT THAT EVIL EGG INSTALLED IN YOU TO THINK YOU ARE, AUUGHGH 💥💔💥💔💥

I need Amy to shake this hunk of junk around and tell her over and over again that she loves Metal and not Sonic. And I need Metal to actually BELIEVE IT when she says that. Sniffs, sobs, this is fine. It's fine....... I am okay......................... (turns to dust) 💨

[saphstories]

Happy Birthday?

He could do this. He'd built a battle mech into a biplane, created a false Chaos Emerald, built a TV out of paperclips, and reprogrammed a super computer using dishwashing detergent and toothpicks...so baking a cake? Pfft.

Amy had given him a dubious look and asked if he was sure he didn't need help, but Tails waved her off. Oh, she of little faith. It was just a cake. What could go wrong? The pink hedgehog insisted he call her if he needed her help, and Tails rolled his eyes. "Yes, Mom." He'd groused. Amy had stuck her tongue out at him but finally left, and Tails marched to the tiny kitchen nestled in the corner of he and Sonic's home.

Tails had several hours until the surprise party that afternoon, and Shadow had been tasked with keeping the birthday boy distracted until it was time. Nothing could go wrong.

...Famous last words.

HP?

"Getting slow in your old age, faker?"

"You're one to talk! How old are you know, Shadster? Pushing the 90s, aren't we?"

"Don't call me Shadster, and I'm immortal; I don't age, rat!" Shadow grabbed Sonic's wrist and flung him towards the nearby tree, momentarily forgetting he wasn't supposed to actually be fighting his rival, just distracting him. Ridiculous. Shadow snorted. The things he did for the pink hedgehog...

Sonic used the motion to his advantage, curling into a Spin Dash around the trunk and tackling Shadow on the rebound. The pair rolled in a tangled mass of blue and black fur, trading blows back and forth. Shadow paused, fist raised, but ruby eyes focused on something beyond the clearing he and Sonic had demolished in their spar. "Hedgehog, is that smoke?"

Sonic shoved Shadow off him and rolled up onto his knees to see the black pillar raising into the sky above the treeline. "Yeah, looks like it. Someone must be starting a bonfire."

Shadow gave him an unimpressed look. "Correct me if I'm wrong-,"

"Which you usually are." Sonic cheekily interrupted. Shadow rolled his eyes and punched him.

"But that smoke is coming from the area where you live with the fox, is it not?"

Sonic did a double take and his stomach dropped. "Oh, Chaos, not again." The blue hedgehog complained, shooting to his feet. "That kit is so grounded." He grumbled and gave Shadow a two-fingered salute. "It's been fun, Shadster, but I gotta juice." The Hero of Mobius was gone before Shadow could respond.

He could head back to his apartment. Technically, his task was complete, and Amy never specified he had to attend the party itself. He could deal with her and hee swinging hammer later.

But...Amy had said that she was going to ensure the fox knew what he was doing...and if there was a fire...

Shadow groaned. "She owes me." He dusted himself off, sighed, and relucantly followed the smoke pillar still rising, cheering himself with all the ideas thought of for the pink hedgehog to pay her debt.

When he arrived at the house, it was miraculously still standing but still yet smoldering, and Sonic stood with his arms crossed over his chest, foot tapping impatiently on the ground, and the sternest glower on his muzzle directed towards the fidgeting two-tailed fox kit in front of him, his hands behind his back...with slight tendrils of black smoke wafting out behind him.

"I'm waiting, Miles Prower." Sonic reminded the fox.

Tails gulped, ears flat against his head at the use of his birth name. He was really in for it now, but his self-preservation ran away with his mouth. "At least the house isn't completely destroyed! And it's just minor damage, I can fix it easy-,"

"Miles."

Tails bit back a whimper and nodded in defeat, then reluctantly presented the smoldering pan of black brick to his brother.

Sonic blinked. "Is that supposed to be a cake? You nearly burned down our house and got yourself killed for a cake?"

Tails tried to smile. "Happy Birthday?"

[demonfox38]

Completed - Vampire Survivors (Base + Ode to Castlevania DLC)

This game makes my brain scream at me.

Like, okay. I'm an average office worker. If I'm not in a meeting, I've got something from YouTube running in the background. Music playlists, video essays, whatever. So, in agreement, in disagreement, whatever—the terms "hauntology" and "dopamine addiction" are consistently in my short-term memory thanks to the video essay portions. The rot of culture by failure to let new ideas bloom, clinging to nostalgia and old symbols. Taxing and abusing neurotransmitters in search of instant happiness. Fun, happy things to ponder while I try to burn these hours of my life away.

Do I think either are threats? Well, unchecked nostalgia, definitely—especially when it's faux 1950s Americana influencing law to restrict the rights of others. Dopamine addiction is a bit more of a mixed bag. Like, you've got to create habits of maintenance, absolutely. Cooking, cleaning, exercise, grooming, so on. But, if you're clever, you can figure out how to use your reward system to help support these habits. Starving it or trying to obliterate it won't help, especially if it causes rebound issues. It's just…ya know. Gaining an appreciation for slower processes over instant gratification and deriving lessons from the struggles of life over bodily abuse and obliteration.

I bring these topics up because I got both "Vampire Survivors" and its "Ode to Castlevania" DLC for the cost of a goddamn cheeseburger. This pixel-exploding throwback of a game lasted me for over 100 hours. Drug dealers and fast-food restaurants would wither and die at such a nexus of cost and effectivity.

Some killjoy could do real numbers discussing hauntology and dopamine addition as the subjects apply to this game.

Should I have gotten into "Vampire Survivors" sooner? Possibly? The communal vibes I absorbed on it were nothing but praise. I don't know if I would have felt brave about trying a Rogue-like prior to playing "Baroque," but I do enjoy a good ol' fashioned bullet hell / shooter, from time to time. It might be lame that it literally took the announcement of a "Castlevania" DLC for me to give this game a try, but hey. This DLC did better about pulling me in than "Dead by Daylight" or "Dead Cells" did under similar circumstances.

What's "Vampire Survivors" about? When I figure that out, I'll get back to you. Most of the narrative I'm picking up is derived from a mix of stage names, enemy bestiary entries, and the surnames of the characters I unlock. Generally speaking, it's about Belpaese and Ladonna kin coming together to endure waves of monsters until the cold, clammy fingers of death come for them. And then, finding a way to break past their power. The powers behind them. The limitations of space and time. Research gone horribly wrong, time and time again. Creepy things hidden at the bottom of towers. Fallen civilizations. Corrupted religious sects. Milk-based magic. Ya know. Wholesome stuff!

In another world—with another particular video game company and their infamously litigious team of lawyers—"Vampire Survivors" may not have made it past its first year. It's not hard to see what game series may have inspired the creation of its lead whip-wielding fighter of the undead. Arca Ladonna may be even more egregious in the video game celebrity look-alike competition. (Don't even get me started on those Blue Venus creatures!) But, the aesthetic inspiration certainly doesn't stop at Konami properties! "Bayonetta", "Batman", "Okami", "Sonic the Hedgehog", "Mortal Kombat"—there's gonna be at least one situation you'll have where you end up snorting with laughter with how close to the copyright line this game rides.

Also, "Vampire Survivors" is the most Italian video game I've ever played. Like, yes, tee-hee on "La Borra" and "Testa di Mano" enemies. Nothing is as fucking authentically Italian as naming a character after Cristina D'Avena. Like, goddamn. How do you top that? Make a stage based on the set design for Dario Argento's "Suspiria" and "Inferno" films? Have playable knockoffs of "Lupin the Third" characters? How about an entire race of sentient ducks running parallel to human society? Call their main hero Duckabolik or something. Goddamn.

Although, there were those ducks in space…

So, I put an RPG's worth of hours into the game without getting much in the way of plot. Obviously, something else is keeping me around. How about that core gameplay loop? It starts simple enough. Move your dude up, down, left, and/or right as needed. Hit enemies with attacks. Pick up gems. Level up. Repeat until you die or you hit 30:00, at which point the game sends a Reaper after you to finish you off for good. Run the game again, continue grinding up weapons, unlock more people and levels, etcetera. So goes this song in a round.

You determine your own progress with this game through the Achievements screen. Look at what items remain, make your next goal, and finish off what you can in your next game. Progress will remove some tasks from this list, but it may add others as more opportunities unfold. Empty out your Achievements? Well, guess what? You'll get an extra round of tasks in a brand-new Secrets screen as well! Clearing that may not get you bonus trophies in Steam, but it may get you some additional levels and characters, too. Ditto the Adventures mode too, while you are at it!

Actually, the Adventures mode is pretty strange, if you don't have other DLC for this game. It's really only two stories? Weird. Seems underutilized. Kind of strange that Konami didn't pitch something for this mode, too…

If you're looking for a general overview of tasks to complete, this may help:

Get through the first five game maps, performing well enough to unlock their Hyper Mode options.

Trigger and kill the special boss in Moongolow.

Pick up the Yellow Sign and use that to start killing Reapers.

Kill the special boss that now spawns in Capella Magna.

Gather all base relics (including defeating the damned Sketamari.)

Harass the final boss for two more relics.

Fight the final boss.

It helps to experiment with different weapons and passive items. Leveling up different weapons unlock different characters, so that makes it an easy sell. Using the correct combination of passive items with weapons may also augment the weapon, giving it different (usually better) properties. Getting proficient with different characters may also unlock Arcana cards, which can grant your character with random bonuses while in a battle. Long story short—don't go stale, and neither will the game.

Also, "Castlevania" fans: go look at the names for those Arcana cards. Come back when you've face-palmed.

Most of the game's complexity comes from making your randomly-assigned resources count. The enemies are simplistic, just ambling towards you. The pressure comes more from managing distance from them and your own powers as the enemy's strength grows over time. (Honestly, the biggest difficulty spike may just come from not getting a Garlic weapon, of all things.) Sketamari is the most complicated creature I had to deal with, and that was more building a viable weapon stack in a short amount of time and preventing any interlopers from building it up than anything else. Everything else is…well. Dodge the shit and don't get touched. Video Game Rules 101.

While aesthetically simple, the game is a glory when it comes to CPU resource management. Lesser machines could not handle the glut of objects and particles being rendered on screen, particularly in later parts of a level. I suppose a creature doesn't need more than three frames of animation when a hundred or so of them are being rendered on screen at once. It's amazing this game is as stable as it is, for all of what it is doing. I've had it chug once, sure. Even had it lock up my computer, one time (although one of my poodles was a contributor to that mess.) But, man. Whatever is going on with managing the location, health, and appearance of all on-screen objects is nothing short of technomancy.

The music is also pretty solid, too. Loops well; doesn't get distracting. Honestly, it sometimes gets crushed by the sound effects, but you can adjust the audio and music tracks to balance it out. I appreciate the soundtrack not being above having a joke or too, as well. (Remember: this is an exceedingly Italian game.)

With this game, you need to pace yourself. If you get every run perfect, you'll be spending somewhere between 15-30 minutes in intense play. (Assume you'll be more on the longer end than shorter.) The circular motions you'll be making can be taxing on your thumbs. Make sure to get up, stretch, and rest your eyes and hands every hour. Your body will appreciate it.

Also, seriously. Take the game's flashing warning to heart. You can adjust some settings to ease up on what is being rendered, but the game is designed to burn like a comet. There's gonna be tons of debris shearing off it, and you do not want that scalding your eyeballs.

For those of you hopping in via House Dracula, the DLC "Ode to Castlevania" provides an additional map, as well as…well, the marketing says 40+ weapons and 20+ new characters, but let me tell you. That plus sign is hiding a lot. Like, 90+ pieces of music, 25 bosses, and several dozen new enemies. Damn.

Much like the base game, you're not gonna get much more in the way of plot. It's mostly pushing as far as you can in a single go, punishing bosses as you gather the strength to tackle them and unlocking your Belmont, Belnades, or buddy of choice. However, there is a fun little treat at the map's end regarding the English opening cutscene of "Castlevania: Symphony of the Night" and Death being a goddamn nightmare. Like, damn, dude. I know the breakup of a bromance that lasted a millennium was rough on you, but this is not the best way to react.

Because of the map's ungodly size and number of tasks to tackle, you'd be better off making good headway into the main game before tackling this. At the very least, it will help you to get that time limit lifted with an Endless mode unlock. (You can also eventually invert the castle, if you're into that.)

The loop here is more like:

Unlock Belmonts (generally, in order of timeline, with a few exceptions.)

Use Belmonts to unlock ally characters, beat bosses, and unlock parts of the map.

Push forward until you finally get Richter.

Use Richter to fight Death.

Max out your new wave of characters.

Fight new bosses.

Find the Pile of Secrets and Wood Carving Score.

Continue until all secrets are exhausted.

That should hold you out…Oh, I don't know. A good 50 hours or more?

I can't get over how deep this DLC digs into "Castlevania" characters and songs. Finally, in 2024—after getting booted from two other games!—we have a playable Hammer. And a playable Mina Hakuba. LMAO. I know people didn't have her on their bingo card, but damn. There are all kinds of playable characters here that I never expected to see, whether in terms of capabilities, story fates, or just coming out of the wrong division of Konami Computer Entertainment. I don't know who wanted a playable Vincent, but uh…there you go. Congrats to you.

I mean, what? Am I supposed to be a shithead and ask for the merchant from "Harmony of Dissonance" or someone from Wygol Village? Fucking 80 goddamn characters, and two are the final Sorrow cast members that I was missing. And fucking Quincy Morris of all goddamn people, now that the copyright for Stoker's "Dracula" has gone to hell. Screw it. I'm take the W and leaving on this one.

With the way Quincy looks in this game, doesn't he look a bit like the North American cover of "Castlevania Bloodlines"? It's making me question some things about that box art…

The DLC takes a fair amount of flexibility when it comes to cast powers. Like, you're not gonna get soul or power absorption with Shanoa or Soma, but you are going to get unique boosts for each cast member. Every Belmont gets a unique way to use their whip, so that's neat! A great way to prevent stagnation, for sure. And, hey. Don't like the default weapon your character starts with? You can switch that out eventually, too. Just gotta prove your competence. Meet some achievements. Do the "Vampire Survivors" grind.

Most of the "Castlevania" remixes are pretty solid as well. Just take a YouTube playlist already. Enjoy. (I was particularly tickled by "Wood Carving Partita" and "The Sinking Old Sanctuary," for what that is worth.)

Now, the songs aren't exactly paired with the characters you may expect. Like, Christopher Belmont gets "Beginning", which then throws "Trevor" into "Aquarius", throwing Sypha and Yoko off, and so on. If you get the Magic Banger relic, it's no big deal to correct. It's just funny how preconceptions can make cool music otherwise seem off.

There was one major part that actively pissed me off with this DLC, and it was unlocking Camilla. The flavor text on her unlock secret implies that a Belmont needs to kill her off (either Leon, Simon, or Sonia, whomever you consider the "first" Belmont to be.) The actual method of unlocking her is hitting her with a Nightmare spell. Like…okay? I'm hoping that'll be patched out later, but man. Wasting hours on that only to find out I was being misled was annoying.

I can't say the sweat needed to unlock Brauner was worth it as well. He isn't as immediately frustrating, but he takes way more time than seems necessary. Just go toss the Blood Astronomia and some compatible weapons on Dracula, get him up to the gallery, level him to a stable point, and park him for a couple of hours.

As shit tier as 2024 has been personally, I can't help but be comforted with the "Castlevania" game releases this year. The "Dominus Collection", the "Dead by Daylight" DLC, and the cherry on top, this. I shouldn't have needed such an incentive to play "Vampire Survivors," but I was more than happy to go hog-wild on this game and its DLC. God bless the development team for this game. They may have developed the digital version of a stimulant drug that makes my hands and brain scream, but I can only hope the best for them.

Good people put their fan translators in their credits, man. And poncle's staff…them's good people, that's what.

The base "Vampire Survivors" is currently available for $4.99 USD on Steam, although that price tends to frequently dip down a dollar for seasonal sales. "Ode to Castlevania" tacks on another $3.99 USD. There are additional levels of DLC and expansions past that point, if you want more. I'm not certain if you'll find more vampires to survive, necessarily, but at least you've got, like, actual vampires to survive now. Which, apparently, is a whole ass meme I didn't know about before!

What's the official count on that now, anyway? You don't fight Dracula, so I don't think you can count him. But, there's Walter, Joachim, Carmilla, Orlox, a Jiang Chi, Stella & Loretta…actually, do you count them? I mean, I know the Sanctuary spell works on them, so I'd say yes, but…Or, wait. Shit. Does "Vampire Survivors" mean the vampires you survive, or the vampires that are also surviving alongside you? Maybe I didn't think this through…

Man, counting vampires shouldn't be as hard as surviving them. Ah ah ah!