#song: keep holding on (s1)

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💓The Greatest Romance of Your Life! ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card

You know you’re destined to be with your Soulmate; deep in your Soul you know there’s something beautiful already written in the stars for you and your Divine Lover★

What’s the story? What’s the drama? How will they pursue you? Aaaah! This One who will love you completely and sweetly and only! ♥︎

SONG: ohhh! by Chara

A WHOLE DREAMY VIBE: The Best of Piero Piccioni

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Pile 1 – That Handsome Gentle Soul

VIBE: Emily in Paris (just S1!)

your options? – 2 of Pentacles

Oh! You’re such a tease and you have many admirers, I can tell XD By the time events in your Life are leading you to a union with your Destined One, you will have quite a bit of options, and actually, you’re weighing at least two people in this scenario. Under normal circumstances, you’d consider yourself a person of traditional values. You always think to yourself that you’re a simple and straightforward person with very ‘normal’ desires.

You want the house, the security and stability, and all those ‘normal things’ that come with a marriage. It’s all understandably expected. You’ve always thought to yourself, ‘I want what is normally expected.’ People have rules in society and it is best to keep to what’s already within the guidelines. You’ll be ruminating these values and gains a lot during this time of your Life.

No matter your actual age at this time, psychologically speaking, you’d want to choose the person who seems more stable and wealthier. It sounds like such a no-brainer; but you’re finding yourself ruminating this shit to no end. And you’d wish things could be a lot simpler; after all, aren’t you simple? Oh, as it turns out, you’re really not all that simple—especially since meeting this other fucker who’s lighted up your horizon~

decisions, decisions, decisions – 10 of Cups Rx

In the beginning, you may not immediately realise that this person we’re talking about is your Destined One. By that time in your Life, you could’ve forgotten all about this reading hahah And you’d be so preoccupied with Life’s more pragmatic duties. By this time, half of you could either be in your late 20s or early 30s, being asked endlessly why you’re not married yet; another half of you could be in your early 50s and simply wanting things to settle and get ‘normal’ in your Life.

The thing is, your Higher Self has arranged for you to meet a Soulmate, a Divine Lover who will actually show you how not normal you are if you were honest with yourself LMAO This person on the outside is actually what you are on the inside if you let yourself be. This Destined One is unorthodox, they are weird in a way that suits your tastes and they somehow align with your values! You’re crazy attracted to this about them, but at some point, you will pull away from them because you’re afraid!

You’re afraid this person will pull you away from everything that’s normal and expected of you. But are you really the type of person who regards a matrimony that highly? Seriously? If you’re honest? This person will show you that they, too, don’t particularly care about the expectations of a marriage. They will show you that they care more about the love and romance and all those sweet feelings that come with being actually in love with someone you adore. No riches in the world can substitute the happiness of holding someone you love in your arms~ With this person, you understand that <3

your True Love?! – 5 of Wands Rx

The biggest reason you will pull away from your Destined One is that you’re afraid of fucking things up with this wonderful person who seems like such a grand prize. Rather than facing the reality of losing this person’s favour out of your own fucking things up, you’d rather never be with them in the first place. And that’s such a sad thing because your Destined One would never think of such things about you!

Out of all the options you could be having at this phase of your Life, you will recognise that your one and only true love is somebody who doesn’t make you feel pressured towards making a decision. I’m getting that your Destined One is very gentle and peaceful, and they’re really understanding of the kinds of negative thoughts that often encircle your mind. If anything, your Destined One will want to erase those scary thoughts from your mind. They want to put you at ease~

They’re not weak or shy though. If anything, your Destined Person is quite shameless and they will want to win you over LMAO But they won’t be forceful or pushy. They’re respectful of your boundaries. They will only continue to come forward with Love, and Love, and just Love—they do worry about you tho ;P So, occasionally you will be able to see their ‘cute side’ when they scold you because they’ve been worried sick!

FIRST KISS🔻💛

feelings pouring sweet~ – Red Magus (Edward Kelly)

the meaning of it all? – Priestess of Beauty

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Pile 2 – Ahhh, You Know You Like Being Swallowed Whole~ ;P

VIBE: Green Snake (1993)

your options? – 5 of Swords Rx

At first glance, it feels to me you won’t be dealing with too many options during this time of your Life where you’re being led to a union with your Destined One; but it isn’t because you don’t have many eyes vying for your hand in marriage, nooo far from it; you, just already know who you’re gonna allow to make a move on you ;P You just already know who you want to be with! ★ And it seems to me you’re the one who’s gonna do the pursuing ;P

If you’re a feminine aenergy attracted to a masculine aenergy, you’re going to lead them on. Basically, from the moment you fell for your Destined One, they’re already in the palm of your hand. I reckon you’re the one who’s gonna recognise who your Destined Person is, and it’s all because you’re a highly spiritual entity. And honestly, you’ve been through quite a lot of shit and you’ve experienced quite a bit how other people’s negative resonance brought down your protective barriers in the past.

You don’t want to entertain low-vibing suitors anymore. You can’t stand the idea of your Life being turned upside down ugly by people whose hearts are UGLY AF. You’ve got no time for any of that. You want your Destined Person and you’ll do anything in your power to make this person fall in love with you <3 I sense a majority of you choosing this pile actually identify as a masculine aenergy attracted to a feminine aenergy regardless of your gender, which makes a lot of sense XD

decisions, decisions, decisions – Knight of Swords

In the past, you’ve dealt with people who are all over you because you’re attractive as fuck. Maybe they wanted your money, status, whatever. You’re a grand prize, you know. People would be so lucky to call you their own. And you got fucking pissed with being seen as a trophy boyfriend/girlfriend—as if you haven’t got your own personality or other achievements. How about your heart and dreams and Love, right? And you know that most people don’t value you for these things. They value you for the things that, to you, don’t matter at all!

By the time the Universe is arranging for you to be in a divine union with your spiritual Soulmate, you’ll have been single for quite a significant time. You’ve shielded yourself from cheap romances. Are you a sigma? LOL You’re honestly not even that interested in people to begin with. Most of the time, you like your own company and keep to yourself a lot. You’ll have been elusive for a number of years before you meet your Destined Person by chance~ This could be a work/professional setting but you’ll still feel like it’s a destined chance meeting hahah

The moment you catch a glimpse of your Destined Person, you feel something electrifying and know immediately this person is special—different from the rest and that you need to figure them out. Perhaps by your second or third meeting, something in you has made it clear to your conscious mind that this is The One. If you’re the masculine in this situation, it’s pretty obvious you’re going to charm them so that they open their heart to you ♡ If you’re a feminine in this situation, you’re going to tease them a lot until they know it’s perfectly alright for them as a masculine to charm you LMAO

your True Love?! – 7 of Cups

So it’s interesting to see a card of a plethora of choices after all that’s said and done. As mentioned before, you’re an attractive high-quality person who’s lusted over by many undeserving asses, and I’m getting mostly this vibe, that when you’re about to make it official with your Destined Person, there’s gonna come a negative force to try and ruin your chances. For many of you this could be anything, really, but for some of you this could be an ex, or basically someone you used to be quite close to, coming back into your Life in the hopes of winning you over. Or worse—even if they know they can’t win you over, they’re still gonna come over to taunt your Destined Person out of jealousy! OMG

If this ‘trying force’ doesn’t come from your end, this could also come from your Destined Person’s end. After all, your Destined Person is ALSO popular and a lot of people are gonna hate on you for being so close to them hahah So, you and your one True Love are gonna be viewed as that power couple and before you come together there will be forces that try and separate you. It's very likely there is a time you become quite distant from each other because of all these negative intents from your environment.

You’ve got people lining up to become your spouse and each one of them could become uncontrollably jealous when you proclaim a relationship with your Destined One XD Oh, you heartbreaker~ And in the case of an ex, or a very close ex-friend who used to harbour feelings and hopes for you, this person could well break your Destined Person’s heart and make them cry. They might even try and do something very evil to your Destined Person just to hurt YOU! This, is your lesson from the Universe to decide how you’re going to protect the one and only person you say you love~

FIRST KISS🔻💜

feelings pouring sweet~ – Red Astronomer (Johannes Kepler)

the meaning of it all? – Priestess of Magick

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Pile 3 – This the One Who’ll Sacrifice Anything for You

VIBE: Titanic (1997)

your options? – Page of Wands Rx

During this time when the Universe is arranging for you to be with your Destined Person, very strange and complex situations are happening in your Life. First, it’s possible you’re already steady/engaged/married to someone else, and this is why it seems you’re not dealing with a variety of romantic options. Two, it could just be that you’re totally NOT opening yourself up to the prospect of a relationship or even a marriage HAHAH

By this point in your Life, if you have friends or are in the public eye, it’ll have been quite obvious to everybody that you’re not the marrying type. For whatever reason, you’re quite sceptical—even cynical—about this whole notion of a relationship or a matrimony. Either you’re tired or afraid of being bound by a loveless contract. You’ve seen how people switch up and betray their spouses. You’ve heard plenty of cheating couples and broken trusts. Ain’t nobody got time to open up to horrendous crimes like that!

To everybody else, you’re an elusive siren who lives in your own world of make-believe, which annoyingly only makes you even more sought-after. At this point in your Life, you appear to the world as some sort of a rare catch and people will be sneakily trying to woo you, to win you over, because that would make them look cool. Many courageous (or should we say reckless?) warriors will attempt to break your icy castle and die in vain, never realising the whole time you were wishing for a King!☆

decisions, decisions, decisions – 10 of Pentacles

To say that you ‘don’t want to be married’ is actually quite a contrarian thing. Deep in your Soul, you want to have a wholesome, a complete and harmonious relationship with a Kingly character. You want something real that most people don’t even know how to give—because most people are shallow and infantile and so poor in character… These peasants… Sigh, they bore you to death. They disappoint to no end. But then, one day…

By some miraculous encounter you bump into your Destined One. Some miraculous encounter that wouldn’t have happened at all if some curiously specific events did not stack up a certain way. It is by Divine Design that you meet at all on that very day. That very moment you see this person, your heart jump and a voice in you exclaim, ‘Husband??’ or ‘Wife??’

Of course that’s super strange that a voice within you would say that at all. You might find it cringe or think you’ve lost all your marbles completely. ‘I think I’m delusional because I’ve been lonesome for a while…’ But soon after, you really wake up to the realisation that the Universe has sent you a pretty gift in the form of a Human who’s the perfect match for you. This person is THE IDEAL, the moment, the archetype, the everything you’ve ever dreamt a true love—your true love—would be~

your True Love?! – King of Wands

The complete package. This Destined Person, is literally YOU in a different form. They may not be perfect for any other person, but for you, all your fingers fit each other perfectly. Mind you, your Destined Person is very attractive in spite of all their flaws, so it’s not like there isn’t any competition here XP Your Destined Person is definitely somebody who turns heads when they enter a room. Even the parking lot is their runway!

This person commands respect, indeed they exude a very Kingly aenergy. They are charisma personified—very giving, honourable, even sacrificial. Your Destined Person is somebody who truly understands what it means to give back to the community. A true King who gains respect for the service he has given to his people. A King like this is truly loved and revered instead of feared. That’s the kind of aenergy your Destined Person operates with.

You will be very happy with this person. You know that, thus the exclamation upon seeing them! In spite of your apprehensions about marriage, when your King proposes, when they claim you as their Queen (LOL), you simply simply simply curiously intuitively know you’re gonna be taken care of~ And that’s such a nice feeling to have to finally feel safe with someone who truly cares for your wellbeing. Someone whom you know, at all times, will make big sacrifices just to put a smile on your face ♥︎

FIRST KISS🔻🧡

feelings pouring sweet~ – Silver Astrologer (John Dee)

the meaning of it all? – Priestess of Energy

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[basset-babe]

five times: the second.

pairing: benedict bridgerton x fem!reader

warnings: unsolicited sexual advances

word count: 3.7k+

a/n: apologies for the late update! i've been sleeping in so bad lately lmao also, please do know that my writing isn't abided by the series' consecutive timeline bcs i just tend take away scenes and themes through s1 to s3 where it would make sense with the fic idea in my head, but all still well within the bridgerton series (S3 SPOILER! also i do not hold any grudge towards lady tilley arnold tho she is the rendezvous love interest of ben in s3, just made sense for me to add her here in this context) but nonetheless, please enjoy the 2nd! ciao belle!

five times series: the first. the one point five. the second. the third. the three point five. the fourth. at last.

spring divider from @thyming and, again, pattern banner from @cafekitsune thank you!

second time.

As the noon sun cast a bright glow over the sprawling estate gardens, Miss Y/N and Benedict strolled along the cobblestone path lined with vibrant blossoms and verdant foliage. The sweet fragrance of blooming flowers mingled with the earthy scent of freshly turned soil, creating an intoxicating bouquet that filled the air. Birds chirped melodiously from their perches in the ancient oaks, their songs adding a gentle soundtrack to the tranquil scene.

Miss Y/N paused by a bed of delicate gardenias, her fingers brushing lightly over the soft petals as she turned to Benedict with a teasing smile. "Have you no other plans than to spend your time watching me procure my plants, Benedict?" she asked, her tone light but her eyes sparkling with curiosity.

Benedict, standing a few paces away with his hands casually tucked into his pockets, returned her smile with a warm, earnest expression. "Actually, I find great pleasure in keeping you company and wandering through your beautiful gardens," he replied, his gaze taking in the lush greenery and the kaleidoscope of flowers surrounding them. In truth, his heart swelled with affection for her, every moment spent in her presence a cherished gift.

A few steps behind, the chaperone lingered near a stone bench, her attention seemingly focused on the distant horizon. Although out of earshot, her presence was a reminder of propriety and decorum.

Miss Y/N sighed softly, her playful demeanor tinged with a hint of exasperation. "We are chaperoned! I mean, probably out of earshot but still," she said, shaking her head slightly as a wry smile curved her lips. "You and your subtle art of flirting."

Benedict chuckled, the sound low and pleasant. "Ah, but where's the harm in a little harmless flirtation amidst such beauty?" he replied, gesturing to the surrounding garden. "Besides, your company is far more captivating than anything." His words carried the weight of his burgeoning love, though he struggled to fully express the depth of his feelings.

As they continued their leisurely walk, the leaves rustled softly in the gentle breeze, and the world seemed to slow, allowing them a few precious moments of stolen intimacy amidst the natural splendor.

"My subtle art of flirting," he murmured, stepping closer and carefully looming over a bed of blooming roses. "Or perhaps it’s not so subtle after all."

She glanced up at him, a playful smile tugging at her lips. "I would say it’s as subtle as a peacock in a library."

"Ah, so it’s quite effective, then," he said, leaning in just enough to catch the gardenia’s sweet scent.

"You are impossible," she said, shaking her head but unable to hide her smile. "Even when you called on me, you've brought a grafted rose to plant, of all things!" She laughed fondly.

"Well, I thought it suited you," he said as his voice softened, casting her a glance full of admiration. "A growing thing of beauty, requiring patience, care, and attention." His heart pounded in his chest, the metaphor echoing his own feelings for her.

The sun glowed warm through the greenhouse window pane. Peering from the vines, the sunlight dawned and cascaded over Y/N, rendering her breathtaking in Benedict's eyes. The golden light danced on her hair, casting a halo-like aura that made her appear almost ethereal.

Her cheeks flushed a delicate shade of pink at his words. "For an artist, you do have a way with words, Benedict," she murmured, a soft smile playing at her lips as she averted her gaze.

Benedict, unable to resist the magnetic pull of the moment, reached out and gently touched a gardenia bloom, his fingers brushing against hers. The brief contact sent a subtle thrill through him, a spark of connection that felt both profound and delicate. "And I mean every one of them, you know," he said softly, his voice carrying the weight of sincerity and unspoken affection as their eyes met.

Y/N's breath caught slightly, her heart quickening in response. Her gloved hand now in his as he gently held it. The intensity of his gaze made her heart flutter, and for a moment, the world around them seemed to fade away. Her lady's maid, the estate, the very garden itself—all blurred into a distant background against the magnetic pull between them.

A gentle breeze stirred, carrying the intoxicating scent of gardenias and roses. Y/N's eyes widened slightly at the depth of emotion she saw in Benedict's eyes, a mixture of admiration and something deeper, something she dared not name yet. Her fingers, still intertwined with his, felt warm and comforting, a silent promise held in the delicate touch.

Her voice, barely above a whisper, broke the silence. "Benedict, do you ever, um, find yourself feeling, well, the same way I do in moments like these, when we're together?" Her eyes, tinged with vulnerability, flicked up to meet his, silently seeking a connection that transcended mere words.

Benedict's smile softened, his thumb lightly caressing the back of her hand as he leaned nearer to whisper, "Every moment with you, Your Grace," he said, his voice filled with a gentle ardor. "Your presence, Y/N, for if I revere you a dream, then I no longer wish to wake from my slumber."

Y/N's heart raced at his words, her cheeks flushing an even deeper shade of pink. She felt a rush of emotions, a blend of excitement and a tender vulnerability she had never experienced before. Her eyes widening in awe, "You speak as if I am something unattainable, a fragment of your mind," she said, a touch of playful skepticism in her tone.

Benedict's expression softened, nearing her as his gaze full of adoration. "Y/N," he murmured, his voice tender yet earnest, "you are not a fragment of my mind, nor are you unattainable. You are the very essence of my heart's desires, a beacon of light in a world of darkness." He reached out to gently cup her cheek, his touch conveying a depth of emotion beyond words. "To me, you are not just a dream, but the reality I never dared hope for. And I will spend every moment proving that to you, if you'll let me."

Meanwhile, the subtle clearing of her lady's maid's throat, positioned at a respectable distance, acted as a genteel nudge to observe the proprieties of their setting.

"Um, I, uh, apologize, Your Grace," Benedict murmured, his cheeks tinted with a shy flush as he took a small, hesitant step back, seemingly unsure of where to place his hands. "I… erm, it seems I, uh, forgot to, um, maintain my distance. Please forgive me," he added softly, his voice trailing off with a hint of uncertainty. "I, um, really didn't mean to, uh, make you uncomfortable." His eyes, a mix of nervousness and sincerity, briefly met hers before darting away, as if seeking refuge in the nearby foliage. "I'm, um, deeply sorry if I, you know, overstepped," he continued, his tone laced with a sheepish awkwardness as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, unable to find a comfortable stance. "I… I suppose I just, er, got a bit carried away in the moment."

Y/N's cheeks flushed deeper as she felt a rush of embarrassment mingled with amusement at Benedict's sheepish apology. She averted her gaze momentarily, suppressing a nervous giggle before meeting his eyes, she reached out to gently place a hand on his arm. "Oh, Benedict," she began, her voice soft with a hint of laughter, "there's no need to apologize. I… I must admit, I too got carried away in the moment." She glanced around, half-panicked that someone might have witnessed their closeness, but finding the situation more humorous than anything. "It seems we both found ourselves swept up in the enchantment of the garden," she added with a playful wink, her laughter bubbling forth despite her attempts to compose herself.

Benedict let out a sigh of relief, his shoulders relaxing as he returned to a more respectable distance from Y/N. He couldn't help but smile at her laughter, finding solace in her lighthearted response. "Indeed, it appears the garden has a way of enchanting us both," he agreed with a soft chuckle, his gaze lingering on her with fondness. "I guess we ought to keep a closer eye on decorum," he mused with a rueful grin, a playful glint dancing in his eyes.

Benedict entered his studio at the esteemed art academy with a purposeful stride, the faint aroma of charcoal and linseed oil pervading his senses as he stepped within. The grand wooden door emitted a gentle creak as he pushed it open, revealing a space that, while seemingly cluttered, held a unique order characteristic of an artist's domain. It's been days since Mr. Bridgerton had paid visit to Miss Y/N; days since his apparent confession unreturned with an answer, hoping of the most favored "yes".

The studio was suffused with the soft, diffused light of late afternoon, filtering through tall, dust-laden windows. Easels stood in solemn ranks, each bearing sketches and paintings in various stages of completion. The floor was a canvas in itself, adorned with a mosaic of paint splatters and crumpled sheets of paper, silent testament to his countless hours of diligent work.

His gaze was inexorably drawn to the central easel, where his latest sketches of Miss Y/N awaited his discerning eye. Countless hours had been devoted to capturing her likeness, her features indelibly etched into his memory and transposed onto the canvas from myriad angles. The delicate curve of her jawline, the subtle arch of her brows, the enigmatic depths of her eyes—each sketch narrated a different story, a moment either observed or conjured from his imagination.

Benedict set down his leather satchel upon a nearby stool, extracting a well-worn sketchbook and a selection of fine graphite pencils. He approached the easel with a sense of reverence, as one might approach a sanctified space. The quietude of the studio enveloped him, disrupted only by the distant murmur of the academy's other activities.

As he perched upon the high stool before the easel, he paused momentarily, allowing his thoughts to drift back to his latest sitting with Miss Y/N. He recalled the play of light upon her hair, the subtle shifts in her expression as her thoughts wandered. With a deep, steadying breath, he took up a pencil, its familiar weight a comfort in his hand, and resumed his sketching. He became immersed once more in the intricate dance of lines and shadows, bringing her presence to vivid life upon the paper.

As he worked, Benedict would lose himself in the intricacies of her likeness, his mind consumed by the challenge of translating her beauty onto paper. Every stroke of his pencil would be deliberate, every line a reflection of his perception of her essence.

In this intimate space, surrounded by the tangible evidence of his devotion, Benedict would pour his heart and soul into each etch, striving to capture the true spirit of Miss Y/N with every stroke of his pencil.

"Someone seems smitten, don't you think, brother?" Anthony's teasing voice broke through Benedict's intent stare as he drew, jolting him out of his reverie. A faint blush tinged Benedict's cheeks as he glanced up, his hand pausing mid-stroke.

Benedict's older brother stood in the doorway, a playful smirk playing on his lips as he observed the tableau before him. Benedict chuckled softly, the sound carrying a hint of embarrassment. "I'm merely capturing her likeness as an artist," he protested, though the affection in his gaze betrayed his true feelings.

Anthony's grin widened, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "Of course, dear brother," he replied, his tone dripping with amusement. "But one might argue that your portraits of Miss Y/N are a tad... shall we say, inspired?"

Benedict rolled his eyes good-naturedly, a fond smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Perhaps," he conceded, returning his attention to the paper before him. "But can you blame me? She's quite the muse."

With a knowing laugh, Anthony stepped further into the studio, his presence injecting a sense of levity into the room. "Indeed she is," he agreed, his gaze drifting to the scattered sketches of Miss Y/N that adorned the walls. "But do try not to get too lost in your musings, brother. The real Miss Y/N might start to wonder what's keeping you so occupied."

Benedict nodded, a wry smile playing on his lips. "Point taken," he said, his focus returning to his work. But as he etched his pencil into the paper once more, his thoughts inevitably drifted back to the enigmatic woman who had captured his imagination—and his heart.

"Oh, and a letter arrived. It's for you," Anthony handed as sealed letter, "from a Lady Tilley Arnold. Seems urgent." Benedict stopped as he looked at his older brother whose held a knowing look. "I am not one to pry for I am one with your contentment, brother, but it seems you have unfinished business?"

"It is not what you are implying, brother. We are done. Lady Arnold had bid me done then. It is probably purely audience." Benedict replied focusing back to his work.

"Then I shall leave you to it, brother." Anthony left the letter on the stool and stepped out the studio closing the door, leaving his brother with his thoughts.

After his brother's departure, Benedict found himself unable to shake the lingering thoughts about why Lady Arnold had sought his audience. Their relationship had long evolved beyond the realms of a passionate love affair, and any such intimacies had faded into the past. Instead, he now saw himself as a respectable bachelor, poised to fulfill his societal obligations and perhaps find a suitable wife.

Despite this unexpected shift in their dynamics, the unexpected summons from Lady Arnold had stirred a curious blend of nostalgia and apprehension within him, prompting him to ponder the nature of their current connection.

As Benedict retired to his townhouse for the evening, his mind buzzed with conflicting thoughts about the impending meeting with Lady Arnold. While he harbored no romantic, nor amorous, feelings for her, the prospect of their encounter tomorrow left him feeling decidedly uneasy. After all, he had been actively courting Miss Y/N, and the mere notion of being seen with Lady Arnold had the potential to ignite scandalous gossip.

But then a knock sounded. In the dimly lit parlor of Benedict's townhouse, a cloaked woman stood before him, an air of melancholy clinging to the elegant form. "Lady Arnold, good evening! Do come in." He moved aside as the women entered. "To what do I owe--" He was cut off as Lady Tilley spoke, her expression tinged with a mix of determination and vulnerability. "Benedict, I sought you out because I'm leaving London soon. I wanted to bid you farewell before I go."

Benedict nodded politely, though a flicker of curiosity danced in his eyes. "Of course, Lady Arnold. It's kind of you to say goodbye."

But as their conversation unfolded, Benedict couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to Lady Arnold's visit than a simple farewell. Her demeanor seemed to betray an underlying tension, a sense of urgency that belied the pleasantries of their exchange.

"Lady Arnold," Benedict began, his voice laced with a hint of concern, "is everything alright? You seem... troubled."

Lady Arnold hesitated for a moment, her gaze flickering uncertainly before she squared her shoulders, as if steeling herself for what was to come. "Benedict, there's something I need to tell you," she confessed, her tone serious. "Something I've been meaning to say for quite some time." Taking a deep breath, she forged ahead, her words measured yet tinged with emotion. "I... I've realized that I can't bear the thought of leaving without expressing how I truly feel."

Benedict's eyes widened in surprise, his mind racing to comprehend the implications of her confession. "How you feel?" he echoed, his voice barely above a whisper.

Lady Arnold nodded, her gaze unwavering as she held his gaze. "Yes, Benedict. I know the risks of me being seen here in your residence but it seems that you have not responded to my correspondence... I have come here to say that I've been thinking about us, about our past, and... I can't deny that I still feel something between us."

Benedict's mind flew to the letter he placed on his desk earlier the night he reached his townhouse. He didn't even want to open it knowing what it could contain. A rakish past he, quite possibly, no longer wants to open. Benedict, then, felt a wave of nostalgia wash over him, memories of their shared history flooding back with startling clarity. Yet, beneath the surface, a sense of unease gnawed at him, a silent reminder of the boundaries he had vowed to uphold.

"Tilley," he began tentatively, his words hesitant as he struggled to find the right response. "I… I'm not sure what you mean. Our past is just that, the past."

But Lady Arnold was undeterred, her resolve unwavering as she leaned closer, her voice dropping to a whisper. "But what if it doesn't have to be? What if we could recapture the passion we once shared?"

Benedict's heart quickened at her words, torn between the allure of nostalgia and the reality of his present circumstances. "I... I don't know, Tilley," he admitted, his voice tinged with uncertainty. "Things have changed. I've changed."

Undeterred, Lady Arnold reached out to touch his hand, her touch soft and pleading. "Benedict, please. Don't you remember how good it used to be? Just one last time, before I leave."

Benedict felt a surge of conflicting emotions welling up inside him, his mind spinning with indecision. "I… I can't," he finally answered removing his hand from hers, his voice heavy with his conscience. "It wouldn't be right, just like you decided."

Lady Arnold's eyes gleamed with a mixture of longing and sorrow as she looked at Benedict. "Do you remember, Benedict," she began, her voice soft yet laden with emotion, "those nights we shared? How the world seemed to disappear when we were together? Every stolen moment, every secret touch… it was as if time stood still just for us." She took a step closer, her gaze never wavering. "The way we used to laugh, our whispers filling the darkness with promises only we understood. We explored each other's souls and bodies with such intensity, such reckless abandon. Every touch was a symphony, every kiss a sonnet. Our passion burned so bright, like a flame that could never be extinguished."

Her voice faltered slightly, a wistful smile playing on her lips. "We were invincible then, weren’t we? Bound by nothing but our own desires. It was a love that consumed us, left us breathless and wanting more. Even now, I can feel the echoes of those nights, the way your touch could ignite something deep within me, a fire that no one else could ever hope to spark."

She spoke of memories shared, of passion ignited long ago, and hinted at desires yet unfulfilled. Despite his best efforts to maintain composure, Benedict found himself ensnared by her magnetic presence, a faint echo of their past intimacy stirring within him as she caressed his jaw.

As the tension between them reached its zenith, Lady Arnold's advances became bolder, her fingers trailing lightly along the curve of Benedict's jawline as she leaned in for a kiss. For a fleeting moment, their lips met in a passionate embrace, igniting a spark of longing that threatened to engulf them both.

But as quickly as it began, Benedict pulled away, a confused expression clouding his features. "I am afraid it has ended," he murmured, his voice thick with regret. "This... it no longer feels right." His words hung heavy in the air.

Lady Arnold's expression softened, a hint of sadness clouding her eyes. "I know things have changed, Benedict. We have changed. But those memories... they still linger. A testament to what we once shared, a rendezvous that defied everything and everyone."

She reached out, her fingers grazing his hand. "Tell me you remember, Benedict. Tell me that those moments meant as much to you as they did to me."

Benedict felt a lump form in his throat as Lady Arnold's words washed over him. Her memories mirrored his own, a testament to the bond they had once shared. He swallowed hard, trying to find the right words to respond.

"Of course I remember," he admitted, his voice thick with emotion. "Those moments were among the most exhilarating experiences of my life. We had an affair, some rendezvous that was."

Lady Arnold's eyes softened at his confession, a flicker of hope igniting within them. "Then why can't we have it again, Benedict? Just one last time, before I leave. Let me carry that memory with me."

Benedict sighed, "Because things are different now," he said gently. "Our lives have moved on. What we had was rousing, but it's part of a past that no longer exists."

Lady Arnold's expression crumpled slightly, her hope waning. "But why?" she whispered, her voice trembling. "Why can't we hold onto it, just for a little while longer?"

Benedict took her hand in his, his touch both firm and tender. "Because it wouldn't be fair to either of us," he replied softly. "I can't give you whatever temporary high you want, not when my heart belongs to someone else now. It would be a lie, a betrayal of what we both deserve."

Tears shimmered in Lady Arnold's eyes as she listened to his words. "I understand," she said finally, her voice barely audible. "I just... I had to try."

Benedict squeezed her hand gently before letting go. "I know," he said. "And I'm grateful for what we shared, Tilley, truly. But we both need to move forward, to find happiness in the lives we've chosen. You know it, this cannot be."

Lady Arnold nodded, her shoulders sagging with resignation. "I suppose this is goodbye then," she murmured, a wistful smile tugging at her lips.

"Yes," Benedict agreed, his voice tender. "Goodbye, Lady Arnold. I wish you all the best."

With a final, lingering glance, Lady Arnold turned and walked away, leaving Benedict standing alone in the dimly lit parlor. As the door closed behind her, he felt a profound sense of closure, mingled with the bittersweet pang of lost love. He knew he had made the right decision, but the echoes of their past would remain with him, a poignant reminder of a passion that had once burned so brightly.

taglist: @novausstuff // @pussyslayerhd // @amoosarte // @jupitervenusearthmars

again, please do send me a message or comment down if you would like to be added on the succeeding taglists for the five times series!

[daisybell17]

Dancing with Loki hc’s:

“Alright the food is on the way…eughhhh I’m so tired” You fall onto the couch and closing your eyes for a second

“Gods me too…This week was something was so damn frustrating” Loki huffed out as he laid his back on the floor and ran his hands through his hair

There was a short silence as you both laid there in exhaustion

Loki sits up and looks at you “You want me to put on some music?”

“Not really…i feel like i’m going to fall asleep” Slurring your words as you slowly drift off

“But if we fall asleep now we might be up till late”

“I don’t care let me sleep” You murmured back

You hear Loki laugh to himself

He then tapped your forehead and you look up to see his tired expression, handing you a glass of water “You haven’t drank since you got home half an hour ago”

You smile and take the glass, finishing it entirely in mere seconds

“Cmon let’s danceeee, it will wake us up a little before the food gets here”

“hmmm noooo! please just let me rest” You groan, slamming your face with a pillow

Instead of leaving you alone to rest Loki had turned the speaker on, blasting some modern Asgardian music

“Loki turn it off pleaaeeeee” He didn’t listen and instead started dancing

You removed the pillow from your face and watch as your goofball of a boyfriend started putting his heart and soul into the silliest and goofiest dance moves you have ever witnessed

Smiling at his impressive moves you watched as Loki danced to the music

(ik yall have seen the behind the scenes of Loki S1 where Tom us busting some moves, so just imagine the same thing)

As the song ends and another pop song comes on, A midgardian one now, he extends his hand out, inviting you to dance

You smile and shake your head as you are still so genuinely tired

“Oh cmon darling! don’t leave me hanging now”he pouts at you but continues to shake his hips from side to side

You watch as he tries his best to get you up, but now you give in, moving your shoulders a little

His face lights up as you start moving a little…he grabs your hand and yanks you up, pulling you close to his chest. Staring into his eyes you smile and he twirled you around.

Laughing as you spun, you both started dancing to the cheesy pop song. You love this. Everything. Every time you’re with Loki. Every moment with him felt like you could swim, even when everything tries to drown you

The song comes to an end and you both are panting, exhausted from dancing.

Collapsing back onto the sofa, you continue to catch your breath when…”We can keep the christmas lights up till January”

“And this is our place, we make the rules”

Its you and Loki’s song

Opening your eyes, your met with a blushing Loki, hand reaching out to yours

Grabbing his hand, you stand and put your chest against his

“And there’s a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you dear” Loki locks his eyes onto yours, his right hand on your waist, the other holding your hand, interlocking both your fingers

You both sway from side to side as the song continues to play, he swears you are the most perfect being in all of the nine realms, hell, the entire universe in fact, you were his, he was yours

“Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?…Can I go where you go” Loki twirls you around as the chorus starts playing, pulling you back in as face him again.

You rest your head on his chest and smile, enjoying this simple moment of love

“Can we always be this close forever and ever?” Loki leans you back, kissing you deeply. You grab his jaw, pulling him deeper. You stay like this for a moment before he pulls you back up and goes back to slow dancing, swaying you both side to side, twirling you here and there

“And ah, take me out, and take me home” He pushes you back onto the couch ever so slightly

He kisses you deep, hands on your waist, your own hands running through his beautiful hair. Oh his beautiful hair.

His knees presses in between your legs as his lips trail down your neck, marking you up, marking his pretty girl up with kisses

“You’re my, my, my, my…Lover” “L-Loki mhmph…” You call his name out as you become sensitive

The doorbell rang. Foods here! and things were just getting good…You push Loki off and grab the money to pay.

Setting the food down on the counter, you start unpacking the takeout packages when suddenly Loki grabs you by the waist

“Oh my darling not just yet, I want to dance some more…oh and! mark your pretty little body up before we eat…”

——————————————————————————

(a/n): hope yall enjoyed this! ik it’s been awhile but a lot of things have been happening in my life and i’m just doing my best to relax for a bit! Also Loki S2 Ep1 was amazing!!

[still-a-morosexual-help]

Here's something mildly heartbreaking :) (my speciality!)

Mammon definitely cried when MC died right?

• He (along with Asmo) is the character who cries the most in canon;

1.) He cries during sad parts of movies/shows/plays/books

2.) He cries while watch animal documentries

3.) Hell he cried because Beel ate the soup he was making MC

• MC died on a day where the rest of the brothers were (up until that point) having a relaxing, fun day - playing a game to get Lucifer & MC closer together. Their death was definitely unexpected/an extreme shock

• MC's injuries were bad according to Satan? (Levi?) Bad enough that a human wouldn't have been able to survive it. Bad enough that even Lucifer knew he couldn't do anything to save them when Asmo asked him to. That means the body Mammon was holding was........ I mean it would have been a gruesome sight

• Mammon's been spending every day since the beginning of the year with MC. At this point he's already obviously in love with them, they're his best friend, the two of them share a bedroom frequently. They were close

The point being: Mammon held a dying human in his arms and sobbed his fucking heart out while asking them not to die. In front of Belphie.

The point being: Mammon didn't cry when Lilith died. No listen, he absolutely broke down when she died but he didn't do it in front of his brothers. Mammon was the one keeping it together and looking after everyone when they Fell. He couldn't scream and cry and beg like he wanted to when Lilith died because he had to be the strong one, he had to soothe everyone's injuries and fears and guilt, he had to show them that things could be better, that they could move on to a brighter future (shoutout to Mammon's lines in his unit song with Lucifer).

But you know what Belphie would have seen?

He would have seen his older brother breaking down over a human he's known for months when he wouldn't even cry after his little sister, who he'd known for thousands of years, died

And we all already know what Belphie thought about humans at this time:

And we already know what he thought about his brothers at this time:

For a moment there, while MC was dying Belphie would have hated Mammon. Would have felt vindicated for causing Mammon that kind of pain, when he (as far as Belphie knew) couldn't even spare that for his sister.

Belphie would have felt angry and betrayed. Justified for what he said and did but so so painfully hurt.

And then (in s1 of the anime) when the brothers were tiptoeing around Belphie, were trying to reach out to him and act normal after what he did, but were so obviously failing, when there was a distance between them and Belphie that had previously never existed, that even Beel couldn't find away to breach, Mammon was the first to take that step forward and close the distance which prompted everyone else to do the same, to bring Belphie back to them, to show that he was accepted and loved and always a part of them

And I am very emotional about them.

Disclaimer: this is absolutely not a post bashing Belphie or his thoughts/actions/feelings. They're both complex characters and I always love trying to breakdown and figure out what certain characters were feeling at a time by bringing up other moments in canon. If you try to make this post into something to bash Belphie or start dumb discourse I will eat your entire right leg🐸

In addition, me stating things from canon or talking about negative emotions or things characters have done and comparing those things to another charcter's actions/emotions/responses is not me putting down one character to raise up another. Sometimes when analysing characters you have to compare and contrast them with others present in that or similar situations -> doing so doesn't mean I'm shit talking one character. A character can do, say, think, believe bad or complex things -> there's nothing wrong with talking about/analysing those things or still loving that character.

I know it seems stupid to say something that should seem obvious but *takes out cigar and blows smoke* I've been in this business a long time, kid (3 years for om!, 7 years actively in a fandom, 14 years in fandom in general) I've seen things, terrible things

Also, lemme shamelessly plug in my fic because it's related to this post -> Changing Seasons

Ft. Belphie coming to terms with MC after Lesson 16

Onesided Belphie × (unnamed gn!) MC

Mammon x MC being Besties

Belphie & Mammon talking, but not talking enough

Belphie's PoV

Mammon very briefly being an eldritch nightmare as a little treat for you monsterfuckers

Edit:

Huge additional part added because I realised the entire focus of this post could be misunderstood

Ajznxodjfc9enhd7ejx 😭😭😭😭this was supposed to be Belphie's post about Belphie's feelings. Y'all know I love Mammon, but he's not supposed to be the focus here🥲

Usually when I make an analysis post I take evidence from canon and then add it all together to get ✨️The Main Point✨️ of the post.

In this post I had to infer all of mammon's "canon evidence" (via other actual canon evidence) because we're never explicitly told he cried when MC died and we never see his instant reaction to Lilith's death.

Belphie's side of it was however all explicitly stated in canon so I just added the screenshots. Which is why I wrote much more about mammon on this post than Belphie.

But ✨️The Main Point✨️ that I was always getting to and what made me write this post is actually about how absolutely fucking pissed off Belphie would have been because of Mammon. How hurt and angry and betrayed he would have felt that his older brother who's meant to protect him and his family apparently valued the life of some random human over their sister's.

I added the S1 bit because it nicely rounded up Belphie & Mammon's story. Because it proved Belphie wrong. It proved exactly how much Mammon (and the others) valued him and each other. Because he got to see how heartbroken Mammon was when MC died, he knew exactly what it was like to be that heartbroken, he knew exactly what it was like to NEVER forgive that which caused the pain, and yet he was forgiven. And THAT I think more than anything would have proved Belphie's initial thoughts wrong. It would have eased any lingering feelings of betrayal and hurt he had. Would have proved how much he was loved by his older brother.

So yeah, this was absolutely made to be Belphie's post and I don't think I explained that well enough in the original post💀 in my defense i was half an hour late in feeding the kids & getting yelled at🥲

[apocalypse-shuffle]

BLACK NOIR | EARVING (the boys)

—

“Pandora’s Melody” (Black Noir x Fem!Reader)

| It’s your first Christmas Benefit since working for Vought and you’re starting to chafe a little at all the rules. Least the music’s finally getting good tho.

| SFW, office rules, workplace discrimination(?), Vought International’s dress code policy & casual disregard of The Crown Act

| Pic Source: The Boys (s1)

| 800+ words

“Don’t fuck this up,” Ashley had said, sweaty handkerchief that was far too drenched to mop anything else up clenched tightly inside her fist, and a closed lip smile straining her spotty red painted lips.

And for your part you’d smiled back, nodded your head like a heavily - and repeatedly - hit bobble head; eager to keep your position and even more desperate not to be seen as the unfriendly black girl lest you lose your job.

To your credit it’s not until far later in the evening when everybody’s inhabitions are totally fucked, the camera crews and reporters are gone, and even most of The Seven have left to do things far less beneath them than attending a company mixer that you loosen the hold your heart’s keeping on Ashley’s words just…a bit.

Suddenly the music gets a little less mind numbingly fucking boring too and your mood gets a little less sullen, and even with your mandatory three inch heels shackled to your feet you finally begin to feel the music. So bobbing along, and finally downing the singular glass you’d been nursing the whole evening, you find yourself searching out whoever’s creating the new and far more engaging melody.

Your heart almost stops when you realize it’s Black Noir at the piano, gloved fingers flying over the keys, quite literally the only hero still bothering to attend this thing.

When a quick glance up shows that even Mr. Edgar’s no longer in attendance - though never unseeing you’re sure - you start talking mostly out of shock. You’ve never really been this close to any of the hero’s before now.

“Good - ah - good choice,” you murmur, “Hapless is really just such a downer for a Christmas Benefit.”

Muscles tense and breath short, fingers clasped together behind your back like a vice, you wait a beat for his reaction.

When all he does is kind of glance your way though you nearly breath out a sigh right in front of him before catching yourself, and you feel so free that for a second you want to take your hair down from its “more professional” slicked back bun so you can really feel the music through you.

Instead you untuck your dress shirt to quell the urge. Fuck, your pantssuit was starting to feel increasingly more suffocating the longer you worked here. At this point you felt like you’d end up buried in the damn thing then forced to partially exist as a pantsuit wearing ghost for the rest of your forever unrest for good measure—

—annnd think positive thoughts. The music is good, you want to sway. You settle for keeping up your subtle head bop and adding a few soundless taps against your thigh to the mix.

After he doesn’t slice you in half - or some other such gruesome death dealing action - you take another few moments to identify the song Noir himself has begun playing.

It’s lovely, and as much as you want to close your eyes to visualize the song’s name a bit better in your mind you opt not to so you can continue watching the way that Noir plays.

It’s more graceful than you’d expect (but considering the way you’d seen him train that was a little foolish of you). The silent hero’s fingers move across the keys like a true virtuoso, hands gliding from note to note with hardly a thought but still exactly right. In the entire time that it takes you to place the song he doesn’t miss a single beat and doesn’t lose his tempo; not a thing about how he plays looks or even sounds off.

Normally you’d be remiss to label anything perfect, but if there were ever an exception…

…Noir’s playing was perfect.

A small smile stretches your plush lips.

Delightfully so.

“The Minute Waltz,” you say after finally placing the song, only shuffling in place a little.

Which is how in the next minute you end up seated next to him after his head had snapped to you - and honestly you’d half figured he’d stopped minding you by that point so you’d been plenty surprised to find out otherwise.

Black Noir had stared you into submission with exactly one incline of his head to convey his invitation in any clear manner until, with held breath and a prayer, you’d sat down beside him where he’d made room on the piano bench.

Then it’s touch and go as - with your heart firmly in your throat and hoping to god you don’t screw anything up - Noir takes to eventually wanting you as more than just a captive audience. He plays a few simple chords, pauses, then looks over to you until after not too long you begin copying him.

By the end of the function your heart’s settled and you can slowly, but steadily, get through the entirety of Gymnopedie No.1 - with Noir pushing the pedal of course.

He even gives you a little silent round of applause once you’ve played through it on your own.

Like that, Noir at your side and surrounded by all the drunk limp dicks you work with tripping and throwing up over themselves, is the first time you feel like a real part of Vought.

NOTES: Hope you enjoyed!

Um, I just wrote this tonight at random and with a cold so if there’s mistakes no there isn’t. Also, it’s Christmas and I figured I had a themed fic in me tonight so here you go and Happy Holidays (I guess)!

Don’t question how the Reader-Insert knows the names of these songs, it doesn’t matter.

btw: if you’d like to leave a comment I’d very much appreciate it!

[justmy-account]

List of byler-gates

I’m just bored, but read it anyways, it’s fun

there sooo many of them, and i’m still pretty lazy so this isn’t perfect, but just let’s start

Mikhailgate

This is practically anti byler theory, but nvm

So, Dimitri has a son named Mikhail, which is russian version of name Michael, Mike

So, people were just saying that instead of Mike, Will will end up with Mikhail(who’s technically Mike bc of the name, yk)

I think everyone was just joking, oh, good ol’ times

and willloveinterestgate is the same

Lettergate/Pocketgate

These theories aren’t the same one, but it’s basically the same concept, ig

The basic thing is, that Mike wrote a letter to Will(singed Love, Mike)

In pocketgate, Mike has the letter saved in his triangle pocket, bc in st, characters many times has letters, that were important to them, in their left pocket(above the heart), for example Hopper and El(Hopper’s heart-to-heart), Jonathan(acceptance letter to college) etc.

And he would just take it out in the middle of confession or sth

+the triangle always points to Will like an arrow

Lettergate is just basically the same, ok, idk how to describe it differently 

Twelvegate

Not exactly a byler, but theory, that Will was number twelve in HNL, and that he’s El’s actual twin

And from that, there’s theory that Will has powers, but wasn’t n. 012

Okay, back to byler

This is same as rainbowgate i think

Flickergate

This theory is very lovely! after Will tells Mike that rolled seven in s1, the light behind them flickers

and since ud is frozen on nov6 83, when you signal sth from ud, it should appear at nov6 83-s1

this connects to electricgate(i dunno if sth like this exist, but just keep reading), the electricity~are friends electric~will possibly having electric powers

so mike and will could go together in s5 to ud on a mission or sth, and kiss in wheelers garage, and that would make the light flicker(i’m so good at explaining things, right😐)

will and mike going to ud together is predicted by mike and will sitting on upside down couch in last ep. of s4

Birthdaygate/Memorygate

Soo, remember how they forgot Will’s birthday? what if all wills memories, that people reminded him of in the shed are gone? his birthday, building castle byers, meeting mike… and that’s why mike says that his life started the day he found her, bc he doesn’t remember meeting Will

for me, it’s really weird, they couldn’t just forget Will’s birthday, no, this ain’t it

Kiss at lovers lake

I’m not sure if this has a different name, but it’s that their first kiss will be near lovers lake

evidence: patrick(the kid who died at lovers lake), had a nickname “berlin wall” or sth(we saw this in the school newspaper), and it was devided to four, same as hawkins

and song heroes is abt couple who lived at different sides of berlin wall, and idk, it just connects, okay?

when will painted the map of hawkins while he was possessed, mike was holding blue and yellow meter

Eightfifteengate

Context: will left the wheelers at 8:15 in s1

in s1e1, time mark 8:15 is literally the shot where will disappears in the shead

i think there’s a season 2 soundtrack called eight fifteen

tw: time fuckery: while will was recording on halloween night, the time says 8:04 while he’s recording mike saying “did you agreed with this?”, but when joyce rewatches it, it show 8:15(byler)

“ it’s 8:15, you’re late”

btw, clocks and watches from hiroshima are stuck at 8:15

aaanywaaay, there’s just too much 8:15 things, aaah(this is just a few)

what it has to do with byler?

well, 15-8=….(wait for it)….seven. a byler number. it was a seven!

also, “the first lie”, when murray says this to jancy, the time mark is… guess what, 8:15

there’s this theory with the songs “the first lie” and “the first i love you”, and it just connects 

Motelgate

theory, that after mike’s “love” confession to el, they went to a motel for sleep, and mike and will had to share a bed, and we could possibly see flashbacks of it in s5, and it would kinda explain the two day skip

Colorgate

blue and yellow meet in the west, i’m sure you know this one, and there’s sooo many evidence in this

mattduffersbasementgate

It’s too late for this to be true, but the duffers are(/were) holding every cast member that ships byler in their basement, lol

bloopergate

Bloopers from byler scenes, basically, for example “not when i was the spy, oh fuck”, basically Finn and Noah being all giggly, i guess

bloopergate implies to every blooper, but why not to mention it

curtaingate

Sth like, that when there’s some fight happening between characters, if curtains are open, it means they’re open with their feeling and opposite 

Example: milkvan make out scene-closed, but you don’t love me fight-opened

Bonus: „ but they like the curtain. people like us are just trying to look behind the curtain”(my very bad quotation of murray, yk what i mean)

Also, Suzie had blue and yellow curtains, and they were opened

And, “and i love her and i can’t lose her again”? Also curtains closed, like wtf, this fandom is crazy

piggybackgate

El knows abt Mike and Will. she saw how they act around each other, she’ve heard will saying “you’re the heart” to mike, saw that mike has Will’s painting now

New Coke Theory

basically, old coca colla is mileven, new coke is byler. it contains some of the old ingredients(mike), and new ones too(will). not everyone likes(bc its gay ship). and when you look at scenes with can of new coke, it’s many times symbolizing byler vs. milkvan

one of my favorite new coke theory examples is this: in s3, after el gets attacked by the flesh monster, she tries to crash a can(but she doesn’t have her powers, so she can’t). this is a can of new coke(byler) and she can’t crush that/destroy it. and in this scene, we get a flashback to the lab, where she crushes aka destroys regular coke(mileven)

phonegate

mike and will not calling each other, bc of joyce’s telemarketer job(he won’t stop whining abt it)

————

i miss all these little silly theories abt literally everything

i hope the byler tag will be like this once again

maybe we could start naming our new theories “gate”s again

for example: heartfeltgat, strangerwritersgate, snowkissgate or sth

anyway, byee

[pagannatural]

2.05 Simon Said

-Dean opens the bathroom door on Sam, saying “zip it up, let’s hit the road,” and showing blatant disregard of basic boundaries that makes sense in the context of Dean raising Sam from infancy.

-Sam had another vision and insists on going to the roadhouse for help finding the subject of the vision. Dean says they shouldn’t be among other hunters advertising that Sam is a freak with a psychic demon connection. Sam is offended. In s1 Dean told Sam they’re both freaks and it made Sam feel less alone, but now his visions are making it too real and he’s sensing that Dean is on edge about his visions and connection with the demon.

-Sam basically ignores Jo. The last time he saw her he was put out by Dean flirting with her. Dean is nice to her but ditches her to follow Sam not once but twice.

-Jo puts on “Can’t Fight This Feeling.” Dean leaves the moment Sam indicates he’s ready and Dean sings the song to him in the car. Most shows will choose songs very intentionally for what’s happening between the characters, and when you actually look at the lyrics it’s very SamDean.

Sam is Dean’s light in the darkness, he’s what gives his life direction, his life has revolved around him. And he’s struggling with a horrible secret and his fears that he’s having trouble keeping to himself. There’s also the matter of Dean repressing his feelings for Sam and trying to be strong.

-Sam thinks Andy is the killer, but Dean trusts his gut that “I just don’t think the guy’s got it in him” which is exactly what he said to Sam earlier about him becoming a killer

-Dean, when Andy makes him tell the truth via mind control, says that Sam is afraid of becoming a murder and “I hope to hell he’s wrong but I’m starting to get a little scared that he might be right.”

Sam is really upset to hear this, he looks at Dean with angry disbelief.

-Sam gets out of the car and follows Andy. Dean knows that Andy can control his actions and thinks that he’s making people kill themselves but his Big Brother pull to go to Sam overrides all of that. Even after Andy commanded him to “leave me alone” Dean is out of the car following Sam within seconds.

-Dean watches from a short distance, and Sam looks back toward Dean when he hears him get out of the car and again when his next vision starts. We get these images of Dean intermixed with the vision to show that Sam is looking over at Dean.

Dean holds Sam protectively and crouches over him. He holds his arm and puts a hand on the inside of Sam’s thigh above his knee, and Sam reaches for Dean. The way Sam goes from big and imposing when he advances toward Andy to small and vulnerable in Dean’s arms is just beautiful.

Andy tries to ask Sam a question about his vision and Dean instantly barks at him to “shut up” because Sam is still talking.

-The vision was a woman setting herself on fire, so when a firetruck drives by Dean looks at Sam, Sam says “go” and Dean takes off while Sam waits with Andy. They don’t even have to discuss the plan, but Dean won’t leave Sam until he says it’s okay.

-Sam tells Andy “You still live in a van. I don’t get it, you could have anything you ever wanted.” He warms visibly to Andy when he says “I’ve got everything I need” and this seems to be the point at which Sam starts to see himself and Andy as similar in a good way. Sam basically lives out of the impala, and he also has everything he needs. Which is Dean. He says “maybe there’s hope for both of us” and Dean pulls up.

-Andy has an evil brother, so we’re in another Cain and Able situation. Evil Brother steals Andy’s girlfriend and tells her that Andy is his, not hers. He also has a thing for making people say everything is okay when it’s not. They’re like Sam and Dean’s twisted mirrors with the possessiveness and denial, only these two were raised apart.

-This episode drew attention to the question of what Sam will become, and to Sam’s relationship with being a “freak.” As a child Sam clung to the outside world for dear life, praying every night and working hard at school and actively avoiding acting like a “freak” as much as possible. Sam fought with John for putting him and Dean in this lifestyle, but a recurring theme in the show is Sam insisting that he doesn’t blame Dean for things. Sam saw Dean being admired at school and thought he was the perfect son in John’s eyes. Dean could be a violent hunter but still be good. So, Sam doesn’t feel like a freak because he’s a hunter, it’s because he feels like something is truly wrong with him, like he’s more like the monsters and freaks that they hunt. I think he believes this because 1 he wasn’t what John wanted him to be, 2 he wasn’t accepted at school like Dean so he felt othered, 3 the trauma he grew up with made him feel guilty and impure, and 4 Dean won’t accept Sam being in love with him so he feels ashamed of it. It’s the only part of him Dean won’t accept.

Reasons 1 and 2 come from flashbacks and the brothers’ arguments on the show. Let’s get into 3, the trauma. Sam was preyed on at least twice by monsters as a baby and child (the demon and the shtriga). Swallowing demon blood changed him and meant that he was marked.

But it’s more than that. His mother’s death was a mystery that John never explained to him, and he spent the first 6 or so years of his life being lied to about what his family was even doing on the road all the time. That matters to Sam. He gives the amulet to Dean in a later flashback because Dean told him the truth about what they were doing, and according to John’s diary he let Dean field a lot of Sam’s questions about Mary. John (unintentionally) gave Sam the message that he couldn’t be trusted with the truth about his own life.

On top of that, John raised him with the underlying, ever present terror that he would be horribly hurt or stolen or killed. John saw danger and darkness everywhere and he wasn’t honest with Sam about why, but he certainly raised Sam to believe that the world was dangerous and wanted to hurt him. One example is Sammy waking up not knowing about the Shtriga, just knowing his dad was losing his shit clutching at him and his brother was holding a gun, terrified. Children can’t tell the difference between being told they will be hurt and being told they deserve to be hurt.

The one person who doesn’t make Sam feel like something is wrong with him is Dean. Sam feels Dean as protective and loving and reassuring. His whole nervous system exhales around Dean. His body knows he’s safe with Dean’s body. We know this because Sam melts into Dean when he’s tired or hurt, he reaches for Dean when he’s in pain or needs help—he knows on a very instinctive level that Dean is safe, Dean will hold him, Dean won’t leave him.

Dean must have been so gentle and attentive with baby/child Sammy for that to be the case. Dean would’ve played the most important role in how their relationship developed early on simply because he was older, and he was given a lot of power over Sam. Dean is deeply possessive and imperfect but the fact that Sam feels safe and good and loved by him is remarkable considering Dean was four or five years old when he started parenting Sam. The warmth and care he provided as a traumatized child himself is staggering.

Their childhood was so fucked up that there was no way they were ever going to be normal about each other, and under any other conditions—basically with anyone other than Dean—who knows what would’ve happened to Sam. They were competing for resources like affection and food and clothing. Parentification is correlated with violent and abusive tendencies, and Dean was exposed to way too much violence and horror as a child to process normally. By all accounts he should’ve been a wreck and he should’ve had zero ability to regulate his own emotions, let alone an infant’s. Instead he made Sam the center of his world and his whole heart.

So. Sam fears being a freak, feels he is good when he’s Dean’s. Dean struggles with the immense responsibility of loving Sam the right way. The ways they love each other Wrong come out in violence.

They save and damn each other by loving and not loving enough, and it will be the absence of Dean’s love that corrupts Sam. The fact that this is the plot of the show and not an insane wincest theory is just ridiculous.

-The episode ends with the song “Fell on Black Days,” which could describe both Sam and Dean’s POV about Sam’s connection to the demon.

“Whomsoever I’ve cradled” sounds like Dean, and the song talks about fate and being blind by wanting to see good. The line “I’m a search light soul they say but I can’t see it in the night” reminds me of “you’re a candle in the window on a cold dark winter’s night.”

Dean is afraid of what will happen if his moral compass and light go dark, and because it’s Dean, he blames himself. “Whomsoever I’ve cured, I’ve sickened now.” A love that corrupts.

[peril2000]

Arcane Episode 2 Immediate Thoughts

WOW WOW WOW.

Ok so, there is a lot. The second episode keeps up the breakneck pace. Though some characters get this treatment more than others (Jayce). Again, I like this pace considering the time restraints on the story.

There seems to be a lot more music video style scenes/visuals in this season. It replaces montages as a way to show the audeince time passing and the state of the city. Very cool all the songs have been good so far.

Viktor seems to be a little different. That makes sense, he is affected by the Hexcore now more than ever. In League lore it is left ambiguos how much, if any, of his emotions are really him v.s. the machine. But unlike in the League lore he seems to be embracing his role as a messiah to the people in the sump. IDK how he knows how to do the healing this, I guess the Hexcore just knows. This is fine, makes sense for the story and all, though I do miss S1 Viktor so far. I'm holding my opinions till the end. Also my perceptions of these characters have no doubt been warped by fanon Viktor.

ALSO, when we were shows the giant Jinx's head statue with all the smoke in the trailer I assumed that was errected by the people of Zaun after she becomes the leader of the rebelion. but no, it's there already in the begining of S2. Silco must have built it, comisioned a giant ass statue of his little girl.

I don't really have a big thesis. Here are just some observations.

1: JAYVIK DIVORCE ERA

Jayce: "I Understand now, my place was always here, in the lab, with you. We'll make this right, together...."Viktor you're my partner"

Viktor: "Our paths diverged long ago, it was affection that held us together."

Jayvik shippers going crazy right now. And by Jayvik shippers I mean me. I am going crazy right now.

This divorce is brutal.

Yeah, thats right Jayce, now it's Viktor who's turning his back on your partnership for a woman. That woman just so happens to be dead.

Also, Viktor is full naked for most of this scene. Jayce hugs him naked. They should have stopped being cowards and shown us the package.

And to follow it immediately with Jayce calling Viktor his best friend, like in S1 with the brother comment they really have Jayce follow up the gayest sentiment you've ever heard with platonic references.

2: VI AND ENFORCERS

What is the logic behind Vi and the enforcers poisonous gassing the place she played in as a child? If it's to neutralize threats because they have gas masks, have they been gassing everywhere they go? Streets included? Also, it's already shown that most Silco supporters (Including Jinx) have gas masks on hand in season 1.

3: Twice in one episode I am shocked by Jinx's ability to hold her breath.

[moonblossom-bunny]

Fizzarozzie have a good character dynamic actually (and are decent characters overall)

There comes a time, in whatever fandom you’re in, that you come across some takes made by people which makes you think right away ‘are we watching the same show?’. Takes made on storylines, characters and but most of all ships. Recently I came across, multiple shared takes regarding Fizzarolli and Asmodeus from Helluva Boss. Two secondary cast characters who have interacted in a total of three episodes as of writing this. These takes were presented as a negative and included the following: . Fizz and Ozzie’s personality isn’t the same after their first introduction and that’s a bad thing. . Fizz acts too childish and therefore can be perceived as child-coded as well as it infantilizes gay men. . Fizz and Ozzie have a sugardaddy/sugarbaby dynamic and that’s a bad thing. . Twink boyfriend and strong boyfriend dynamic is fetishsizing gay men. I, personally and thus in my opinion, don’t agree with any of these takes. Hence this character analysis post to debunk all of this points. I’ll try to keep this as objective as possible. I also can’t really make a solid point on the last take and partially on take two, since I’m a bi disaster and not a gay man, so I can’t stand on that soapbox to claim if a fictional character is toxic or bad representation or fuel for the fetishsizing of gay and queer men from their experience and standpoint. (But I did do some Google research and apparently what is meant by the fetishation of gay men, is that the tropes of how a gay man is portrait in media, for example anime, manga, sitcoms, movies, is carried over to irl gay men and as such they are treated like an accessory or less like a person. Slash shippers seem to be most notorious for this. Source: {link} {link} {link} Again. Can’t say how much of the claim adds to an already fictional gay couple in a show filled with LGBTQ+ characters…but still not my soapbox to stand on.) Feel free to add on to this post if one so desires. This ended up being a 5 page doc though so it's a long one.

Fizz and Ozzie’s personality isn’t the same after their first introduction and that’s a bad thing. A point made by some people who dislike the way this ship has progressed because the next time we see them after their introduction in S1E7, they seem to have made a 180 in personality traits. While S1 E7 shows us these two are a team when it comes to performing and supporting each other in the club. From their duet where Fizz adds on to what Ozzie is singing and physically holds him up during one segment of it, to Ozzie not stopping Fizz when he calls out Blitz and even pointing out that Stolas ‘threw away his life for a thrust’. Which is followed by ‘that’s the spirit of lust’ and thus probably not perceived as a bad thing since he is the embodiment of lust and all that. Though it does come across as Stolas being chastised for that from his and Blitz’ pov and their body language reflects that. S1 E7 basically just shows us that Fizz isn’t afraid to call someone out on their bullshit. That he is snarky and spiteful towards Blitz. That he’s not above making fun of someone while on stage what we see him do to Moxxie. Which is also what he does being the jester character and all. A clown makes people laugh by making fun of himself, a jester makes people laugh by making fun of other people. Asmodeus is pretty much the same in that episode. Standing by lust over love and reinforcing that when it comes to the acts for his club. Calling out Moxxie in his song etc. At a first viewing the audience may walk away seeing them both as an antagonist towards our main cast with how they acted towards them. Kicking M&M out of their club over a love song. Calling out Blitz as being a disgrace in a public setting. Stolas being put in the spotlight for being there with an imp. So I do kind of get why some people figured their whole character changed when we see them again in S2 E6 and E7 and they are portrayed as this lovey dovey couple without the snark and the spite. Most importantly, also without an in universe audience. While we see Ozz and Fizz sing together in S1. Their interactions together are less direct. They don’t have a conversation with each other and the most we see is how physically they interact to give us any clue on what their relationship and dynamic actually is. Fizz tends to curl around Ozzie’s arm.

Ozzie is visibly worried and shaken when Fizz gets bonked on the head by Millie.

They share a brief cuddle with each other at the end of Moxie’s song. Even during their song there are hints that they aren’t as antagonistic as they might appear to be.

Aside from the earlier mentioned backhanded praise towards Stolas for embracing his lust, they give Moxxie the chance to change his song from a love song into one about lust for the sake of the audience and seeing that’s how the club just rolls. Only getting the insults when he sticks to his guns and keeps the song sweet and about the love he has for Millie. So there are snippets there to show us they aren’t unreasonable characters and a little softer towards each other than what they show others. The next time we see them is in a private setting and we as the audience, learn they are madly in love and hiding it from the public (badly) because the sin of lust shouldn’t be in love and least of all with an imp. But there are no prying eyes so they can let their walls down and this is the result. We still see bits and pieces of what was set up in S1 E7 though. Fizz isn’t afraid to be a little snarky when trying to convince Ozzie to let him go out without an escort.

He’s spiteful towards Blitz when they meet again and only softens up towards him when he’s learned about the other side of what happened during the circus fire.

We even see less of that in S2 E7. But by then he’s kind of patched things up with Blitz and the reason to be snarky and spiteful and resentful towards him is gone. So we get witty comeback banter instead the few times they interact in that episode. He’s also thrown in a completely different setting compared to the previous episode and we get to see how he acts in a work stress filled environment. A flashback even tells us Fizz has self worth issues and needs reassurance from those he cares about. In his childhood that was Blitz and now that person is Ozzie.

The same flashback shows us that he gets really anxious when backed into a corner or in the case of the scenario being jumped on by a creepy fan. With Ozzie we see how he takes his job as embodiment of lust seriously with the work he does in the factory. (S2E6) With making sure Stolas knows lust isn’t about force. Just as he takes it seriously in his club.

We see the spurt of anger he displayed towards M&M near the end of the Ozzie episode come back tenfold when Crimson lets him know he’s got Fizz captured and when the lawyer is getting on his last nerves.

Which also fits because Asmodeous isn’t just the demon of lust but also linked to vengeance and anger as described by The Dictionnaire Infernal, so it makes sense as to why he has a short fuse. {link} This also comes back in S2 E7 when he calls Blitz and gets worked up over Mammon and when he confronts Mammon at the end of the same episode. We also see Ozzie being worried for and even overprotective of Fizz. A small snippet of that we were already shown after Millie knocked Fizz out in S1. So yeah, they aren’t that different compared to their introduction. The setting and who they interact with show different aspects of their personality. It’s just that S2 tends to highlight more aspects of their character because of the Fizz and Blitz miniarc that happened. Fizz acts too childish and therefore can be perceived as child-coded as well as it infantilizes gay men. I can only make educated guesses why some say this. Is it the clown costume? Is it his hyperactive personality? Is it because he lets Ozzie carry him around? Is it the burgers for breakfast thing? Or how Ozzie is overprotective of Fizz which one can argue might be on the border of being a toxic thing in their relationship? All of those things do happen in the show and is shown to the audience. But those things also happen next to the profanity Fizz spews, him drinking alcohol, acting slutty, being serious about his profession as a clown/jester. He also explains, in show, why he’s constantly joking around and acting like he does even in a private setting with Ozzie. “You are with me because of who I am at my best.” To Fizz, at that moment in S2 E7, his best is how he is on stage when he’s performing. How he’s been perceived as Mammon’s brand baby. It wouldn’t be that far fetched to think he might feel a need to uphold that image even when around Ozzie. Hench the jokes first thing in the morning or when Ozzie is repairing his broken arm at the end of Oops. It’s also just a common way of dealing with tension or hide fear or anxiety to crack jokes. Doesn’t make him childish. Makes him a clown coping in his own way. Both Ozzie and Fizz also have an immense height difference between them. While you can see Oz carrying Fizz around as a way of coddling him. Fizz also actively chooses to be carried around by jumping in his arms.

We can let loose all kinds of possibilities on why that is, from the fact that Fizz is disabled and being carried is less daunting on his limbs. Or maybe it’s more from a cinematic standpoint and makes it easier for the animators to not have Ozzie bend over all the time while they’re interacting or need to be kissing for a scene. By being carried, Fizz is also elevated to Ozzie’s level to possibly show that they see each other as equals in their relationship. Or the more simple possible reason, it’s a way to play around with their height difference and nothing more. Since it’s happened more than once, I do think it’s an deliberate choice that was being made to have Fizz in Ozzie’s arms frequently. It might even just be there to show that Ozz is the ‘caretaker’ out of both of them.

He’s the one that cooks and he’s worried for Fizz’ safety and he’s the one who reassures him.

Even if Ozzie is overprotective of Fizz, Fizzarolli doesn’t shy away from voicing his opinion and wants. He directly argues against Ozzie’s over protectiveness when it crosses a line for him.

“Come on Ozz, I can be on my own for one day.” (About going to Greed without an escort)

"Mammon’s been my idol since I was five. I’d be letting him down. The fans down.” (Voicing arguments about attending the clown pageant even though Ozz really makes a case on why he shouldn’t.)

So while, yes one might see Asmodeus’ mother hen moments as babying, we never see Fizz actually being fully dependent on Ozzie and the security he gives him. The whole point of S2E7 was that Fizz couldn’t just quit his job because without it he would feel like he would lose all the good things he has. Including Ozzie.

And to be fair, the cutesy moments between them are on par with what Moxxie and Millie have. That’s all. The nicknames, the cooing, the giggling. They are just madly in love with each other your honor and that is far from infantilization. At most annoying to some people I guess. But not infantilization.

Fizz and Ozzie have a sugardaddy/sugarbaby dynamic and that’s a bad thing.

The only time Fizz has ever been called a ‘sugarbaby’ is by Blitz in S2E7 as he implies Ozzie is his sugardaddy.

Fizz still works for his money at that point. Fizz continues to work for his money after that, as we see him salespitching to Blitz in S2E8.

He’s not only Ozzie’s partner partner, but also business partner.

We’ve never seen Ozzie spoil him directly. It might be speculated that’s the case since Ozzie is a King in Hell and all and with his fancy palace and probably being the leading adult toy manufacturer, but we never see him actively spoil Fizz like a sugardaddy does for a sugarbaby so it’s never confirmed.

It’s not ‘Daddy give me your card so I can buy some milk today.’, it was ‘I’ll get some milk today while I’m out.’

Ya’ll seeing things that aren’t in the show.

Twink boyfriend and strong boyfriend dynamic is fetishsizing gay men.

Oh no, it’s like character dynamics have tropes in fiction. I’m sure you’ve seen those posts floating around with the ‘draw your faves or your characters here’ dynamic templates.

The angry gremlin and the optimistic one, or the nerdy one and the jock, or the emo one and the optimistic one, or the short tempered one and the ray of sunshine….etc.

This…is nothing more than that. A dynamic trope.

The feminine one and the masculine one.

Even with that, it’s also obvious that Ozzie has feminine traits too. Guy wears a mini skirt, wears high heels and that high pitched ‘Fizzieeeee’ he let out in S2E6 is everything. So they don’t fall completely in that dynamic trope. But still. It’s fiction. It’s going to rely on tropes to connect easier with the audience. Writing 101.

--------------------

In conclusion, these points are clearly made to nitpick on the show and its creator because hating on a thing is apparently still a whole separate fandom branch these days.

I'm also going to leave this really good video by Georgia Dow, who analyses fictional characters from a psychology standpoint.

[sarucane]

Did Ed really want to die?

In a juicy spiral of nuanced psychological storytelling, I think the answer to this question is both yes and no, and so actually a it's a third answer:Ed wanted dying and living at the same time.

When Ed tells Lucius a song that goes "fingers bleeding, down to the bone now...hold on, hold on, hold on," Lucius recognizes it as a hell of a bad mental state. Lucius suggests Ed let go, and Ed says that'd be death.

Lucius then offers a third possibility: that dying won't be a death.

So Ed tries to throw himself into that. And when he actually sings, his song is the opposite of the one from before.

The stories we choose to tell reveal things about us. At the beginning of S1, Stede told a story about a wooden puppet becoming a real boy, pointing to his desire to "really live." At the end of the season, Ed's inner contradictory desires move from subtext to text through his amateur songwriting. He wants to hang on, he wants to let go and can't make himself, and "life's a hard sad death."

And then this all gets further mucked up when Izzy comes in and threatens "Edward," (who could get reborn) and says only "Blackbeard" gets to live. Ed releases his silk and throws Lucius over the side: the third options Stede and Lucius have made him drram of are out of reach.

Except then, when Ed embraces Blackbeard, he's embracing death: he paints himself up to look like a fucking ghoul.

Wanting to live and wanting to die are basically the same thing for Ed now. He's got no lighthouse to steer away from or toward (and a lighthouse is after all another double symbol, something to guide and something to avoid).

And finally we get Ed's story in S2E1, about a bird that "can't actually exist." Ed wants to live, and he wants to die, and he wants to be a bird that spends its life in the air, that exists outside of the struggles of life and death, that just keeps flying without any differentiation between where it came from and where it's going. But the bird is also a version of that third option, to live and die at the same time: It's alive and it's dead, its whole existence is in the sky and therefore it never really lives, never stops, never feels or hurts. It's everything and nothing at the same time, suspended.

And even when Ed makes a decision that should end the conflict between wanting both life and death--decides at the start of E2 that he's going to die today--he doesn't go at it directly. He tries to get Izzy to do it; he provokes the crew to mutiny, leaving repeated openings to be stopped while also plowing forward. Until, finally, the decision is taken out of his hands.

The result of all this is internal conflict manifests externally and drives the plot at the start of S2. The conflict is seeded from the beginning, as Ed reigns over violence while barely participating, moons over Stede and threatens Izzy.

And from the moment Izzy confronts Ed, knocks him out of his state of "flying," Ed does things that contradict each other. He asks the crew if "the vibe is poisonous" while pointing a gun at them. He points a gun at his own head and asks if the vibe is poisonous, then tells the truth, to general confusion. He says he doesn't feel crazy while doing something clearly crazy. He shoots Izzy, then tells Frenchie to kill him. If Ed wanted Izzy dead, he'd have chosen someone else. Frenchie isn't the type to slit a throat in cold blood, and Ed's not a moron. There was no way that was going to happen.

Or so he thinks, because then he's in the gravy basket. Hornigold represents his unconscious, his desire to both live and die: First, Hornigold saves him. Drags him off the beach and forces him to eat, to keep living. But then Hornigold drives him to despair, brings up the core crises of guilt, loss, fear, and insecurity (his dad's murder, Stede leaving) that pushed Ed down the path that led him here. And in the end, Hornigold speaks Ed's insecurities back to him. That he's unlovable, and that he's scared to do the only thing to do about it: kill himself. So he brought Hornigold to do it for him.

And then Ed's living and dying at the same time, again. He's struggling against the rope, and he is the rope hauling himself down.

Everyone needs help, sometimes.

Ed sees Stede as a merman, "Something that can't actually exist." But something Ed hadn't expected. Down here, in his darkness and unconscious, a light. And then the pros outweigh the cons by quite a lot, and he doesn't even notice when the desire for death fades away.

He isn't a bird that never touches ground: he's on the ground, he's under the water. But he is something that he thought maybe couldn't exist. A version of himself that can change.

Ed gets what he really wanted. He dies, and he lives.

[gleesongtournament]

[apomaro-mellow]

Here’s an idea for a fic that’s been stewing in the back of my head for a while, but I’ll probably never do anything with it.

Eddie Munson, while trapped in the Upside Down, meets a young S1 Will Byers. Something about the Upside Down actually being a time vortex, and that includes the people who travel there. They have the sought after interaction that canon never gave us.

Just wanted to put this somewhere without making a post. Hopefully you find it interesting :)

Oh my god wait hold on lemme just

Eddie was looking down at his own dead body. Blood was still spilling out from him but the light had gone from his eyes. But as he stood there, he felt no pain. No aches, nothing that would have suggested he'd been eaten alive. This had to be one of those..one of those visions. But why would it happen after he'd died? Because that had definitely happened.

And this didn't feel like anything Max had described. Vecna lured you in with people and places you knew first. Then the nightmare started. Eddie wouldn't call the Upside Down something he knew. But he was here all the same. Thunder roared above and he felt vulnerable here out in the open.

He started running for the trees. The ground underneath his feet felt solid. The air filling his lungs was real. If this was an illusion, it was a damn good one. Eddie ran until he couldn't anymore. He reminded himself to be mindful of the vines. That was when he heard something else running. No, someone else. Because they were panting and screaming and coming right for him. They knocked into Eddie full force, jumping back and clinging to a tree when they did.

"Well I'll be...", Eddie breathed out.

"What is this?! Where are we?!"

Will Byers. Looking much younger than a high school freshman would. No, he must still be in middle school. Which would have been the thing to fry Eddie's mind (not the thousand mile distance from here to Cali) except he remembered what they had found in the Wheeler house. Time had stopped here the day Will disappeared. Something about that was significant. And maybe it wasn't just objects that were stuck on that day. Maybe a form of Will was too.

"Hey, look it's okay, okay?", Eddie held his hands up. He didn't feel that big and scary, especially after what he'd seen. But he knew an adult man in leather could be intimidating.

"How is any of this okay?", Will asked, then lowered his voice. "There's something out there."

"Trust me, there's several somethings", Eddie said, trying to lighten things up. "But they can't find you if you know how to hide."

Will nodded. "I can hide. But what about you?"

Eddie smiled. "Don't worry about me. I've got experience in both runnin' and standin' my ground." Bad experiences with both, but this apparition of the past didn't need to know that. Then he remembered how Vecna operated. He wouldn't even need to be near Will to find and hurt him.

But music had kept both Max and Nancy safe from his thrall.

"Hey you, uh, you got a favorite song?"

"What?"

"A favorite song, something that just makes the troubles wash away?", Eddie urged.

"I..I guess I do", Will said.

"Good. Keep it in your head, maybe even sing it to yourself." Since he was sure Byers didn't have any players on hand. "Anytime it starts feeling hopeless, hold on to that song. And trust me, someone's gonna come and save you."

"And what're you gonna do?"

There was a snarl nearby. Eddie's blood ran cold but he put on a brave face in front of Will. He'd already died once, what was a second time?

"I'm gonna buy you some time. When I tell you to, run."

[nyikondlovu]

Chefs Kiss (Sydcarmy) fans stay with me, Chefs!

I’m not taking anything Ayo, Jeremy and Christopher say against sydcarmy, aka Chefs Kiss, seriously.

They purposefully kept Carmen and Sydney as separate as possible this season, which is a big mistake in my opinion.

The show is about the characters and their relationships with each other. Food is a part of it, but it’s mostly the relationship each character has with one another that makes the show.

The writers trying to dispel the rumours by keeping what I would call our male and female leads apart is nuts because Jeremy and Ayo play so well off of each other but by separating them Jeremy gave his weakest acting (which is still very good) during Carmy/Claire scenes?

They keep saying The Bear doesn’t need romance then give Carmen a whole relationship that was so boring to watch for like 7 episodes and felt like watching paint dry because Claire isn’t engaging.

I’m expected to care about her, what she supposedly means to Carmen and hear about how great she is but don’t get to see it? She’s an ER resident for gods sake and she’s running around town giggling every 5 minutes without a semblance of the hard work and exhaustion that comes with being a doctor.

And for the reason stated above, I believe she’s a manic pixie dream girl. She’s there to change Carmen’s view on life, be different and quirky and the one who got away when in reality Carmy forgot who she was and had to be reminded which took him a whole 5 seconds to remember the supposed love of his life, purposefully gives her the wrong number and she says “You’re the Bear, of course I remember.”

No one was gonna take her seriously as the person to keep up with Carmy and help keep him sane.

Meanwhile Sydney does. She anchors him, she keeps up with him and she calls him out on his shit. Sydney isn’t perfect. She’s terrible at stating what she needs at that moment, she slightly short tempered and she is passive aggressive.

She also is working on her impatience and passive aggression. She eventually tells Carmy she needs his attention as her partner. She speaks up for herself to her dad and she’s not letting her ambition be treated like a bad thing anymore.

Carmen and Sydney would make sense because they are flawed. Carmy stops going to group therapy as soon as he starts dating Claire because she’s ‘fixed’ him and they don’t work because of that.

Sydney has ‘levelled up’ in her professional life, she’s more assertive and willing to listen and has just grown as a person and that type of continuous strive for self growth is what Carmen needs to see in order to do the same HIMSELF.

Sydney isn’t there to fix Carmy, she’s someone who he can grow alongside.

Claire was used as a kids bandaid to a gaping wound; the wound being Michael. Claire represents a life where Mikey was alive and Carm’s fucked up family was as whole and happy as it’s gonna be. She represents the past and everyone PUSHED him to want to date her in the past.

There is too much between our two chefs for simply business partners:

S1 shows Carmen scrubbing the floor of the restaurant when in turmoil while Sydney does the same in S2;

She’s spliced into the montage of Carmy and Claire as though she’s a silent part of their relationship;

She has the three dagger heart tattoo which typically represents romantic heartbreak and turbulence;

Carmen remembers her interest in his whites from three months prior even though she didn’t say anything and gets her her own custom whites;

The imagery from their conversation under the table? Him asking her to screw the other side and “say more, please” as he holds up the table (and Sydney) while she finally shares her fears;

“You’re not alone.” “Neither are you.”;

The memories of Sydney being what calms him from his panic attack;

During said panic attack, the song that was Claire and Carmen’s plays in reverse and any flashes of her are accompanied by memories of his dysfunctional family while the moment he thinks of Sydney? The song starts playing correctly. He calms and flashes of his family (and Claire) disappear;

Them constantly cooling an argument with the ‘I’m sorry’ gesture;

Him constantly being in tune with her emotions and body language.

Sydney represents a new beginning. The chance to build a healthy family with the staff of The Bear, Sydney, Natalie and Richie. She represents a future. She represents good change.

I’m fully convinced Ayo and Jeremy are just doing what all actors do with a ship that’s not yet canon: downplaying or dismissing it.

C’mon if you’ve been in The High School Musical The Musical The Series fandom and shipped Rina from the beginning, you know how it feels to be persecuted and gaslit by other fans and the actors for seasons.

TL:DR, Chefs Kiss is literally a super slow burn and no one of the team will confirm it until it actually happens.

Also, never let your girlfriend (Claire) stop you (Carmen) from opening a restaurant with the love of your life (Sydney)

And if you think they should “stay platonic”, ask yourself WHY every swirl ship with a white male lead and black female is hated by fandoms and the argument is “they’re best friends” or “they’re like siblings”. WHY can’t black women be desired? Because you can’t self insert? Check yourself before claiming a character who was so underwhelming I skipped so many scenes is a better match than the character who has seen him at his worst and told him he cannot and will not talk to her like that. The first person he thought to open a restaurant, that means so much to him, with

[teapotteakettle]

some of my fav tgcf songs

+ specific context

in no particular order:

1. Guilty As Sin? - TS

Context: Early Hualian, Xie Lian POV

/I keep recalling things we never did/messy top lip kiss/how I long for our trysts/without touching his skin/how can I be guilty as sin?/

2. Hot Gum -SOFIA ISELLA

Context: Sexually Repressed™️ Hualian, Xie Lian POV

/He's a keeper, he's a believer/he's on the ground, on his knees in a theatre/and he put us in a car, I don't know where we are/but I fell in love with the fever/

3. Francesca - Hozier

Context: Hualian, Hua Cheng POV

/If someone asked me at the end/ I'd tell them put me back in it, darlin'/I would do it again/If I could hold you for a minute/

4. Will Anyone Ever Love Me? - Sufjan Stevens

Context: Hualian, Xie Lian POV

/Will anyone ever love me?/for good reason, without grievance/not for sport/will anyone ever love me?/In every season,pledge allegience to my heart/my burning heart/

5. The Archer - TS

Context: Hualian, Xie Lian POV

/Cause all of my enemies started out friends/help me hold onto you/I've been the archer/I've been the prey/who could ever leave me, darling/but who could stay?/

6. NFWMB - Hozier

Context: Hualian, Hua Cheng POV

/Nothing fucks with my baby/nothing, nothing nothing/if I was born as a blackthorn tree/I'd wanna be held by you/felled by you/fuel the pyre of your enemies/

7. Capital Karma - Manchester Orchestra

Context: Hualian, Hua Cheng POV

/I'm not trying to stand in the way/I'm in love with whoever you are/nothing else is gonna take that away/it's you and it's been from the start/

8. It Will Come Back - Hozier

Context: Hualian, Hua Cheng POV

/You don't understand, you should never know/how easy you are to need/don't let me in with no intention to keep me/Jesus Christ, don't be kind to me/honey, don't feed me I will come back/

9. Moon Song - Phoebe Bridgers

Context: Hualian, Hua Cheng POV

/You couldn't have stuck your tongue down the throat/of somebody who loves you more/so I'll wait for the next time you want me/like a dog with a bird at your door/

10. The View Between Villages - Noah Kahan

Context: Xie Lian [Past Arcs/Xian Le Visit @ end of B1/S1]

/the death of my dog, the stretch of my skin/it's all washing over me, I'm angry again/the things that I lost here/the people I knew/they got me surrounded for a mile or two/

pls add your thoughts/other reccs!

[laurel-finch]

'I Don't Bite' S1.Ch16: God's Instrument

Summary: A brief calm before the storm... Referenced Episodes: S1 E20 "Dead Man's Blood" CW: John Winchester being an asshole (per usual). Word Count: 6163 words. Recommended Song: Learning to Fly -- Pink Floyd Previous Chapter -- Masterlist -- Next Chapter

I wished I had asked to ride with the brothers. I wished I hadn't driven my damn truck. I was so tired of driving, and I was sure I was missing something crucial by not being in the car with them. Were they discussing the vampires? Or maybe their father? Who the fuck knows. I certainly didn't.

I pouted in my seat, mulling over what little I knew of the case so far. Some old hunter named Elkins had been killed by a group of vampires – a coven, I thought. Stupid name. Made me think of something a bunch of goth teenagers would call themselves. Though if the movies held any fact, vampires were just a bunch of goths.

Despite the sun bearing down on me and warming the entire of my old rust-bucket truck, I felt like I could fall asleep at any moment. To be fair, I had been awake for, what, thirty hours now? God, I couldn't wait to get to sleep.

My eyes snapped open as the Impala roared to life and flashed forward, swerving in front of John's glossy pickup. It screeched to a halt and Sam stormed out of the driver's side door not even a second after putting the car in park.

I pulled off the road, out of the way of any passing cars. Not that it mattered, as the boys and their father had effectively taken up three-quarters of the road. The door protested as I thrust it open and strode towards the quarreling Winchesters.

"We need to talk," Sam shouted across the road to his father, who was just stepping out of his vehicle. Sam looked absolutely livid, his hands balled into tight fists. Dean looked visibly annoyed behind him, although clearly more so at his brother than his father.

"About what?" John hissed out and stopped in front of Sam, nose to nose with his taller son.

Sam sneered and gestured wildly. "About everything. Where are we going, Dad? What's the big deal about this gun? How do you know it can kill the demon?"

Dean placed his hand on Sam's shoulder and his younger brother roughly shoved him off. He scowled. "Sammy, come on, we can Q-and-A after we kill all the vampires."

"Your brother's right, we don't have time for this," John added. I frowned. There was always time to discuss what was going on - the boys had a right to know.

"John, you can't keep them in the dark," I offered, keeping my tone as polite as possible. His eyes snapped to mine, holding a furious look in them that made my skin crawl. "We have as much right to know what's going on as you do."

John glared daggers at me and I squared my shoulders, standing my ground. Maybe we had been the wrong word. I hated that he thought that look would get him anywhere with me. I wasn't his sons, I couldn't be ordered around like a soldier.

"Last time we saw you, you said it was too dangerous for us to be together. Now out of the blue, you need our help," Sam shouted angrily, pointing an accusing finger at his father. "Now obviously something big is going down, and we wanna know what!" I winced. Sam's aggression wasn't going to get him anywhere with John. It was like talking to a brick wall that could punch you.

John's hands curled into fists and he glared ferociously at his youngest son. "Get back in the car," he finally ordered, his tone low and icy, thick with malice.

Sam snorted as though it was some joke. "No," he sneered, his tone equally as dangerous. My eyes widened in shock. I had never heard the boys talk back to their father, and I had never expected to see it. They had been so happy to reunite with him again, and now suddenly it was crumbling.

I glanced towards Dean, whose green eyes were just as wide. They quickly narrowed with annoyance and frustration. I sidled over to him and placed my hand gently on his upper arm reassuringly. Thankfully, he didn't shrug me off as Sam had done to him.

"I said get back in the damn car," John ordered, his voice rising with increasing anger.

"And I said no!" Sam shouted, moving to take a step towards his father. In a flash, Dean was between them, his hand placed on Sam's chest and pushing him back.

"Alright, you’ve made your point, tough guy," he growled out, glaring at his father and younger brother. "Look, we're all tired, we can talk about this later. Sammy, I mean it, come on." He flashed Sam a meaningful look and gave him one last shove in the direction of the Impala.

Sam held his father's stare for another few seconds and then turned away, eyes focused on the ground and fists curling and uncurling in rage. "This is why I left in the first place," he grumbled.

My eyes snapped open. I had heard very little of why Sam had left the family and gone to college. Frankly, I thought it wasn't any of my business. I knew Sam and his father had gotten into an argument, but I never knew the extent of it.

My eyes shifted to John, who looked stricken and utterly appalled. His eyes narrowed quickly and he ground his teeth together. "What'd you say?"

Oh, fuck.

Sam spun on his heels and snarled at his father. If looks could kill, John would have been in pieces. "You heard me," he snapped.

"Yeah," said John as he took a few long strides towards Sam. "You left. Your brother and me, we needed you. You walked away, Sam," he spoke, his words dripping with hurt and pent-up anger. "You walked away!"

I winced at Dean's pitiful attempts to separate the both of them, his words being drowned out by their argument. We didn't have time for this – there was a case at hand, and if we didn't hurry up, those vamps might attack more people.

"You're the one who said don't come back Dad, you closed that door, not me!" Sam retorted, taking a step closer to his father, "You were just pissed off that you couldn't control me anymore!"

John lunged forward and reached for Sam's shirt. In a flash, I dove between them and reflexively pushed them apart, my strength sending them backward and sprawled across the road. "That's enough!" I shouted fists clenched in frustration. "Both of you, get back to your cars. We'll discuss this civilly after we work this case." I growled out, casting glares between the two men. "I refuse to put up with your petty bullshit when there are lives on the line. You can sort out your feelings later."

The two men fell silent, glaring heatedly at each other, and looking as though they still had spiteful words they wanted to share. "Get in your cars now," I hissed out, tone low and threatening. I turned my head to glare down at John, whose eyes held an air of disobedience that drew a shiver of anger down my spine. "Go," I snarled.

I held John's glare for a few moments until he finally stood. He brushed off his clothes and cast me one last suspicious look before turning back towards his truck without a word. I wheeled slowly on Sam, who was being pulled to his feet by his brother.

"I don't care what kind of argument you and your dad had in the past," I said coldly. "Now is not the time to be discussing it. Get your shit together so we can solve this case," I spat and turned on my heels, storming back to my truck.

The truck groaned softly as I changed gears and followed John down the highway, the brothers not far behind me. I tapped my fingers loudly against the side of the wheel in irritation, deep in thought. I couldn't help but wonder why Sam felt that now was the time to act out. Sure, I could understand it – even I disliked the fact that John thought he could immediately take over and that anyone would follow him without question.

It seemed to me that John was borderline narcissistic, although clearly unintentionally. He cared a lot for his sons, that much was clear, but he had a funny way of showing it. Treating your companions as soldiers was never the way to garner respect.

But on the flip side, it was selfish for Sam to resume this argument now of all times. I could see why John was so frustrated – we were finally one step closer to getting revenge, and his son, who he thought would have his back, was now challenging his authority.

I could understand the desire for revenge. Hell, I felt it when I discovered that my uncle was murdered by a wraith. I still felt it.

The Winchester family was a mess.

I sighed and gripped the wheel tighter, my eyes following John's truck as it weaved down the road. Finally, he flashed his right turn signal and darted off to the right, down an exit road that would presumably lead back to town. I followed closely behind.

The road was starting to blur when John finally halted in front of a shabby-looking building, the motel sign flashing dimly above the roof. "Thank God," I mumbled to myself as I pulled into a parking space beside his truck. Moments later, the Impala came roaring around the corner and screeched to a halt beside my truck. I winced at the sound of the tires squealing.

I pushed my door open and slid out, wincing at the prickling sensation in my feet. My muscles felt stiff from the long day of driving, just as I had anticipated. I pulled the keys from the ignition and dug around in the back seat for my bag.

The sound of footsteps drew my attention and I turned to face Sam, a tired scowl on his face. "You wanna stay in our room, or get your own?" he asked bluntly.

I turned away from him and fished my backpack off the floor, swinging it over my shoulder. "I'll get my own room. Don't think your dad would be too happy about me crashing with you." Sam scoffed and spun on his heels without another word. I rolled my eyes; he was acting like a child.

I ignored John's gaze as I marched past him to the main office. I could feel him glaring daggers into my back as I walked. Sure, I understood why he was mad – I interrupted a family argument that I likely had no place taking part in. Didn't help that I was sure he still didn't quite trust me...

My mind raced as I thought of my actions this evening. It was stupid of me to get between them, to shove Sam and John apart. Of course he looked at me suspiciously, I practically threw both of them! I cast a nervous glance over my shoulder, only to find John had disappeared, along with the boys.

I needed to be more careful.

The main office of the motel was quite nice and well put together. Lights cast a golden glow around the room, but they weren't so bright as to be obnoxious. The room had a tasteful color scheme, cream with light brown accents, and the occasional large fake plant was scattered around. I hoped the actual motel rooms would be just as pleasant.

The woman at the front desk had a cigarette between her garishly red lips, the lipstick staining the shaft. She held a magazine in her hands and her eyes, covered in heavy blue eyeshadow, darted across the page.

Her eyes flitted up to meet mine as my heavy boots padded across the linoleum floor. Her eyes went wide and her jaw slackened, the cigarette hanging loosely between her red lips. It took me several seconds to realize what a mess I must look like, covered in bruises and scrapes. She hurriedly put her magazine aside and turned her attention toward me.

"What can I do for you, honey?" she asked sweetly. "Do you need a room?"

I nodded and flashed her the sweetest smile I could muster, hoping it would make up for my unsightly features. "Yes, please. One bed," I said, handing her my credit card.

She nodded and filled out her ledger. She glanced at me one last time, her brown eyes scanning my face nervously, and then handed me a room key. "Room 105, in front of the parking lot. You can pay when you check out." I smiled again and thanked her before spinning on my heels and walking back out the door, her eyes boring into me as I went.

Thankfully, room 105 wasn't far from the main office. In fact, it was only a few doors down from Sam and Dean, and supposedly their father. I assumed John was in a separate room, but close by. He was always close by.

The room was small and undecorated, but cozy, with a small kitchenette and bathroom. I left the door open a crack, as I didn't plan to stay long.

I dumped my bag on the bed, rummaging through it. Finally, I drew my hairbrush from it and a small pack of makeup. I rarely used makeup, it just wasn't something I thought about, but for cases where we needed to look professional, it wasn't a bad idea. I hummed in delight, knowing I could finally make myself look presentable.

I froze when I saw myself in the bathroom mirror. I really hadn't expected it to look that bad. My jaw was decorated with various bruises, ranging from deep blue in the center and fanning out to greenish-yellow. My eye didn't look much better, the skin around the socket nearly purple with tinges of red. My nose, although corrected and back in its usual place, was scuffed, with deep but short cuts along the bridge. My lip was split, although not severely enough for it to sting every time I wet my lips.

I frowned at my reflection. No amount of concealer would be able to cover this up entirely. I sighed and ran the brush through my hair, starting at the ends and working my way up. It was knotted, and in some spots matted.

I looked like someone had repeatedly hit me with a baseball bat.

My hair was a nightmare to tame, though I did eventually manage to get it back to its normal state. I stared at my face, not even sure where to start. I leaned forward, placed my hands on the countertop, and inspected each bruise.

"Need some help?" I heard a voice from the doorway and I jumped, stumbling back until my heels hit the rim of the tub. In the doorway stood Dean, smirking confidently and leaning against the door frame.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, hoping I didn't sound cruel.

His smirk dropped and he buried his hands deep into his pockets, a dejected expression on his face. "Don't exactly want to be around dad or Sam right now. Didn't know where else to go and, well... your door was open." He reached up to scratch the back of his neck nervously. "I can leave if-"

"No!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands up, "No, it's alright. I don't mind you being here, honestly." He smiled lazily in response and then cleared his throat, gesturing at the sparse makeup supplies on the counter.

"So... you need any help?" he questioned. I crossed my arms and smirked.

"Do you know how to do makeup?" I asked, a teasing note in my voice. The tips of Dean's ears flushed and that confident smirk quickly returned.

"Can't be too difficult," he replied. "You just smear it on, right?"

I chuckled at his cluelessness. "Something like that," I teased, though it was very clear by my tone that there was a lot more to it than that. I took a few steps towards the counter and reached for a washcloth, wetting it and gently dragging it down my cheeks. "Honestly, I should probably take a shower. I took one before I left the house, but it's been, what, almost twenty-four hours since then?" I dabbed the cloth under my eye and winced as the soft fabric made contact with the damaged skin.

Dean hummed in response as his fingers ran over the various makeup items. I hadn't bothered to bring anything too big with me. A few small brushes, some blush, and concealer, but that was about it. He lifted a brush and inspected it. "I don't know why you brought any of this," he muttered.

My hand stopped its circling motions, the towel coming to a halt on my cheek. My eyes drifted towards his relaxed reflection and his veridian eyes met mine. "What?" I asked, hoping he would clarify.

"You don't need it," he added, his eyes never leaving the mirror, and subsequently mine. "You always look good, even without it."

I couldn't help but blush, my eyes dropping to the sink as I ran the cloth under the water again. "Yeah, maybe normally I do," I mumbled. "But right now..."

"You look beautiful," he interjected. I stiffened, the warm water running down my fingers and spilling into the sink. "Makes you look tough." If I hadn't been blushing before, I certainly was now, the pink likely complementing the red bruises around my eye. Dean placed the brush back on the counter and turned his eyes away from my reflection and towards me. "What happened anyway?"

It took me a few seconds to respond while I continued to run the cloth under the water. Beautiful. In what reality? "Got into a fight," I began. "With Caeden. Nothing much." I regretted saying it as soon as I did. There was more than I was letting on, and there was no doubt he knew that.

Dean jumped to his feet in a hurry and leaned toward me. "What d'you mean you got into a fight with Caeden? He attack you or something?"

"No, nothing like that," I replied, finally shutting the water off. "Just a sparring match gone wrong."

Dean fell silent, inspecting my profile. I refused to look at him – if I did, I was sure he would know that there was more to the story. Truthfully, I wasn't even sure why I was hiding it from him. Maybe because I didn't want him to worry? Hell, the last time I told him something when even I didn't know the full story, he was ready to go apeshit on a few whispers.

"You know, you've got a limp," he finally said, his tone serious. "I noticed it as soon as you got out of your truck today."

"It's really nothing, Dean," I said, trying not to sound desperate. "I'm fine."

"Like hell you are," he grumbled. I winced at his tone. I almost would have felt better if he had yelled at me, called me an idiot for getting hurt. "You look like you got run over by a bulldozer, sweetheart," he growled out.

"And yet I'm still beautiful?" I hissed out. "Which is it, Dean? Am I beautiful, or am I a mess?" The room was silent, save for the occasional drop of water from the soaked towel hitting the counter.

I yelped as I was suddenly lifted in the air, large hands gripping my waist. Dean sat me down gently on the countertop and reached for the washcloth, his fingertips brushing over the back of my hand. "What you are," he said as he gently ran the cloth over my cheek, "is stubborn."

I frowned and placed my hands on my knees, glaring at him. "How so?"

His green eyes flickered to mine for a split second and then immediately darted back to my various bruises. "I know there's something you're not telling me," he retorted. "I just don't know what- or why." I froze, panic gripping my lungs like talons, squeezing the air out in a split second. I fell silent. Dean continued his silent ministrations, paying special attention to my hairline and just in front of my ears where I was sure to have missed spots of blood.

"You know," he began, "I'm a bit worried about dad." At this I lifted a brow and flickered my eyes to his, expecting him to continue. "He... I think he might be on to you."

I stiffened and gripped his wrist, stopping his movements. "And you only thought to tell me this now!?" I hissed out. Dean's eyes went wide and then quickly narrowed.

"Well I haven't exactly had much time to talk to you," he spat. He pouted briefly and turned my head to the side slightly, dragging the cloth slowly down my neck. "He was asking about you yesterday after you hung up the phone on him. Asking what we knew about you, where you came from, your hunting experience."

"Shit," I mumbled out, casting my gaze downward. Dean hummed quietly.

"You throwing him today probably didn't help," he added. I rolled my eyes and watched him. His gaze was focused and his lips drawn tightly together in thought. I had to admit, it was a nice view. It dawned on me then that Dean was probably just as exhausted as I was, although likely for entirely different reasons. Who wouldn't be tired after having to deal with their quarreling brother and father all day?

Dean took a step back to inspect my bruises, eyebrows drawn together in thought. "Alright," he said. "I think I got it all. Now let's see if I can figure out this makeup." A grin spread across my features as he fumbled with the brushes, unsure of which one to grab. I pointed to the concealer by his hand and he quickly snatched it. "Why are you even putting makeup on? Aren't you going to go to bed?"

I chuckled softly and kicked my legs softly, my heels hitting the counter. "I was thinking about getting some food first. Dried gas station jerky can only get you so far, you know?"

Dean laughed and ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it up slightly. My eyes followed his motions and settled on his face as his hand fell. So many freckles, I thought. I could probably spend days counting them.

"When was the last time you ate a real meal?" Dean asked, unscrewing the cap on the liquid concealer. I giggled at his shocked expression when he realized it had a small brush on the end.

"Probably breakfast, yesterday?" I responded, failing to keep the questioning tone out of my voice. "It really depends – do you consider jerky and Oreos to be a meal?"

Dean laughed and lifted my head, pinching my chin lightly between his thumb and forefinger. "An emergency meal, maybe."

I shrugged. "Well, it was an emergency. And I've got a few Oreos left in the package. Maybe I can have that for dinner," I teased.

"Not if I have anything to say about it," Dean grumbled and smeared a glob of concealer across my cheek.

I grimaced and gripped his wrist in my hand. "Not that much," I said. He frowned and reached to wipe some off with his thumb, but I caught his other wrist. "Take a washcloth and spread it gently," I added, reaching for a dry cloth at the end of the counter. "Like this," I said, demonstrating on my own cheek. His eyes followed my movements and he nodded, taking the cloth from me.

I fell silent as he did his best to apply it. I watched him while he worked, smiling slightly each time his expression changed. He had a tendency to poke the inside of his cheek with his tongue when he was focused - it amazed me how intent he was on making it look right.

Finally, he took a step back and gave my face one last inspection before nodding. "I think I did it," he said, looking pretty pleased with himself. I lifted a teasing brow and hopped down from the counter, spinning on my heels to inspect his work.

He really hadn't done a bad job; maybe it was applied a bit too thick here or there, but overall it looked clean. The bruises were still apparent under the makeup, but not until you were close enough to get a clear look.

I grinned widely and turned to face him, nodding excitedly. His own eyes widened in excitement and he smirked. "See? Told you I knew how to do it."

I laughed and grinned happily at him. "I should have never doubted you, Winchester." His smirk widened with confidence, and I reached to take the cloth from him, dabbing softly at a few spots that needed some correction. I looked like a new woman. I smiled at his reflection in the mirror. "You ready to go to dinner?"

—

The vampire's den was a shabby old barn that looked as though it would fall apart in a strong gust of wind. The Winchesters and I watched as a beaten old Camaro pulled up to the barn doors where another vampire stood watching.

The vampire in the doorway ushered his companion in, a clear argument commencing between them. From this distance, I couldn't hear them. It bothered me, to say the least.

"Son of a bitch," Dean muttered to my side. "So they're really not afraid of the sun?"

John shook his head. "Direct sunlight hurts like a nasty sunburn. The only way to kill 'em is by beheading. And yeah, they sleep during the day - doesn't mean they won't wake up." I frowned in thought; surely there had to be more to them than just that. Knowing that there was a monster out there that I didn't understand made my skin crawl. I prided myself in my knowledge of monsters, and yet even I had believed they were extinct.

"So I guess walking in's not our best option," Dean joked with a soft chuckle. John laughed.

"Actually, that's the plan," John replied. Three heads snapped to him, and utter shock filled my eyes. John motioned for the group to stand, and the boys followed him to his weapons cache. I marched towards  my pickup, feeling resolute. At least I knew one thing that could kill them.

I flipped a latch just behind the passenger's seat and pushed the bench seat upwards, revealing the stash of weapons underneath. The lock was rusty and stiff, but luckily still kept everything in place.

"Hey Dad, I've got an extra machete if you need one," Dean called.

John laughed and held up his own, a nasty-looking blade with a serrated edge. "I think I'm good." Dean's jaw dropped, an awestruck and giddy look on his face. I rolled my eyes. Of course, he would geek out over a cool knife. "So you boys really want to know about this Colt?" John asked.

"Yes sir," Sam called back as he rifled through the weapons in the back of the Impala. I listened intently as I sorted through my uncle’s mess of equipment for suitable weapons.

"It's just a story, a legend really. Well, I thought it was. Never really believed it until I read Daniel's letter..." his voice faded off wistfully. He shook his head and picked up the story again. "Back in 1835, when Halley's comet was overhead, the same night those men died at the Alamo, they say Samuel Colt made a gun. A special gun, like uh- an instrument of God, I think he called it. He made it for a hunter, a man like us only on horseback. Story goes he made thirteen bullets, and this hunter used the gun a half dozen times before he disappeared, the gun along with him. And somehow Daniel got his hands on it." John sighed as he ran a rag over his machete blade. "They say... they say this gun can kill anything." A shiver ran down my spine. A gun that could kill anything... John had mentioned it yesterday in passing, but to know the legend... made it seem all the more real.

I had never been afraid of most man-made weapons until that moment. Guns had never bothered me in the past, unless it carried silver in its cartridge. But now... There had to be something this gun couldn't kill. If not, then this thing truly was the embodiment of the wrath of God.

"Kill anything, like, supernatural anything?" Dean questioned.

"Like the demon?" Sam added.

John nodded. "Yeah, the demon. Ever since I picked up its trail I've been looking for a way to destroy that thing. Find the gun – we may have it."

I shook my head in disbelief. Everything was changing so quickly. First the pack, then my barrier... I thought I had overcome that, but now... I couldn't even make contact with my instinctive side, and it felt like it was vastly out of my control anytime I did shift.

And now this gun.

I suddenly had so much to worry about, so much to fear. What if I could never access my paws like I had been able to in the past? And what about the whispers?

It was a firm possibility that maybe I was just going nuts. I wished that were the case, but it couldn't be. Crazed whispers don't lead you around.

"Hey!" Sam called my name from the other side of the Impala, peeking his head around. "You ready to go?"

I reached for the belt I had been loading with supplies. A gun, just in case, with an extra magazine of bullets, several knives, including a silver one, and a machete, strapped to my waist. I hooked the belt around my waist and looked over my supplies. After making sure everything was there, I nodded to Sam and followed the Winchesters down the hill and towards the nest of vampires.

John led us to the side of the barn where a large window was latched. He quietly broke the latch and opened the window, allowing cascades of light to filter into the barn. With one last glance over his shoulder, he slipped into the room. Dean followed close behind, then Sam, and then finally me. My boots hit the straw floor with a dull thump.

John had already disappeared into the shadows, intent on his search for the Colt, as he had called it. My eyes surveyed the large room, taking it in.

The vampires, to my surprise, slept in hammocks. I had half expected them to sleep upside down, like in the movies. One side of the room was packed with sleeping vamps, their limbs strewn awkwardly over the sides of the net hammocks, gentle snores coming from the odd comatose body. To the right was a small bar with several empty bottles of jack littered across the countertop.

A particularly loud snore came from my left and I stiffened, instinctively reaching for my machete handle. Thankfully, the monster didn't wake up.

The monster. It was strange how quickly I began to see them as the enemy, despite being just like them. But then again, I didn't kidnap young couples.

A soft clinking caught my attention and I whipped my head to a fallen bottle, next to Dean's foot. He winced and glanced nervously at a sleeping vampire. The vampire didn't wake. I held back a sigh of relief and moved away from the sleeping vamps, toward the mini-bar.

The bar was full of alcohol and reeked of bloody, poorly made margaritas. I wrinkled my nose in disgust, having never enjoyed the pungent smell of alcohol, especially not when mixed with blood. I whirled around, eyes scanning my surroundings and looking for anything that could possibly give a hint at what had happened to the humans.

"Dean," Sam whispered from down the hall. My ears pricked – they must have found them. I walked slowly around the countertop, making my way towards the sound of Sam's voice.

"There's more of them," Dean whispered back. raised my eyebrows in surprise. More humans? How many more?

The hallway was dark and lined with various doors. The smell of vampires dampened the scent of the boys. I hoped I would never have to smell another vampire after this. They smelled like an off mix of life and decay, like the sickly-sweet aroma of life could possibly mask the stench of rot. I cast a glance over my shoulder at the sleeping vamps. They didn't look to be rotting. Maybe it just came with the title of 'undead.'

Suddenly, someone screamed, a feral, rage-filled noise. I jumped and reached for my machete, drawing it from its sheath. Too late, the vampires were beginning to stir.

"Sam!" Dean shouted, grabbing his brother by the arm and dragging his brother down the hallway towards me. I waved them over, machete held high in defense.

"Go!" I shouted, ushering them past and following them. I heard a crash from behind me, like the sound of breaking glass, and John's muffled voice. Spinning on my heels, I stopped beside the door. "John, come on!" I screamed, holding my blade high as I charged back towards the hallway.

"What are you doing!?" Dean shouted as he burst through the barn doors and into the sunlight. I waved him away and raised my blade at the flock of angry vampires.

"I've got this, Dean, just go!" I shouted back, hoping he would listen and run with Sam back to the cars. The sound of footsteps pounding up the hillside told me they did. I sprinted towards the hallway and was stopped by an arm linking around my waist and throwing me backward. I snarled as I was thrown to the ground and quickly leaped to my feet.

The vampires had formed a loose circle around me, blocking the exit. A hiss drew my attention and my eyes flitted back towards the vamps, gauging me with angry, but unsure eyes. I snarled and sidestepped, taking a few steps closer to where I had heard John's voice.

A vampire lunged forward, reached to grab my arm, and drag me into the throng. I swung wildly with my blade, cutting through the bloodsucker's forearm. It hissed and lept back, clutching its arm. I snarled through gritted teeth and pounced towards the vampires blocking my route to John.

The vampires stepped back, wary looks in their eyes. I spun and swung my blade at vampires that were approaching from behind. The vampires glanced between each other and wrinkled their noses in disgust.

"You're not human," one grumbled out lowly, and I recognized him as the vampire that had driven the Camaro earlier that day. "What the hell are you?" I grimaced and bared my teeth at the vamp, hissing quietly.

I heard John shout my name as he burst out of the room, two vampires hot on his trail and a machete clutched tight in his hand. No gun. "Go!" He shouted, spinning to face the vampires with a machete in hand.

I charged forward and swung at the row of vamps blocking me from John. Those that didn't spring out of my way received deep cuts to their abdomens. I reached forward and gripped John by his coat sleeve, dragging him with me. Together, we raced towards the barn doors, a horde of vampires chasing us as we went.

Warm sunlight beat down onto our backs, and still, we didn't stop, panting as we crested the hill and the cars came into view.

"Dad!" Dean called out. "Dad, are you alright!?" John nodded and waved his son away, placing his hands on his knees and panting heavily.

"I'm fine too, thanks for asking," I sassed, slipping my machete into its sheath and leaning against the hood of the Impala.

Dean glared over his shoulder and rounded on me, a furious glare on his face. "That was stupid of you!" he shouted. "You could have been killed!"

"Lay off, Dean," John wheezed. He stood to his full height, albeit a bit shaky. "She did good," he said with a small nod in my direction. John sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "They won't follow. They'll wait till tonight. Once a vampire has your scent, it's for life."

I stiffened, my nails digging into the black chrome paint beneath my hands. Sam scowled and leaned against the car next to me. "Then what do we do now?" he asked, his voice gruff with uncertainty.

John chuckled morbidly and his eyes settled on me, a deep scowl on his worry-lined features. "You gotta find the nearest funeral home, that's what."

I groaned and placed my face in my hands. "I shouldn't have agreed to come on this stupid hunt."