#sometimes. genuinely but its fully like. nothing matters for me up there. i dont think theres any reason to keep going

[agirlwithglam]

https://www.tumblr.com/agirlwithglam/760858969670582272/no-guys-you-dont-understand-i-love-myself

How does one get here😭

this was asked a long time ago but i think i finally found the words to write it. (i don't im just bored, sorry!)

so how does one fully love themselves?

getting to that point of my life took time. it took a lot of time. like around 1-2 years of time, and im still not 100% there- i still get hurt sometimes, i'm still emotional and sensitive. but the thing is, that over these 1-2 years i've learnt so much that whenever i'm feeling sad or hurt, i'm able to support myself. i am the first person who shows up for me and does my very best to console and help me. i help myself turn that pain into something even better. i walk myself through what happened and whether i may be overreacting or not. i am the one who is now always always always there for myself.

and i think once i realised this, i genuinely was like "woah." no matter what happens in my life, i will ALWAYS have myself and that thought just soothes me. it relaxes and calms me down. i am no longer scared because there is no reason to be. i know that i cannot control other people, other people will always do what they want to do. they can hurt you, make you happy, hurt you again, even unintentionally. i cannot control their actions, but i can control myself. i can control how i choose to view it and react to it. so every time i get hurt i walk myself through the steps of seeing it a different way.

another thing i did when i was insecure & trying to love myself is that i did affirmations religiously. in the morning doing skincare, i would always repeat affirmations or listen to affirmations. it would be phrases like "i love myself." / "i am beautiful", etc. it's not the sole thing that transformed my love for myself, but it did help a ton with me believing it. (doing affirmations enough time can also help rewire your brain into believing what you keep repeating)

also, you need to realise that you do love yourself. a human's natural state of being is love. return to that state of being. a little baby or a child, they are full of love. they give love, they receive love, they are never ending of love. and they are the purest form of a person for they are themselves before society has told them who to be. so do you realise that you deserve love fully and beyond what you could imagine? and the one person in the whole world that can give you that unlimited love, is yourself. but you must choose to love yourself.

stop constantly returning to the state of insecurity okay? thats not you!! you are not insecure, you just think you are insecure! but in reality, there is NOTHING to be insecure about. someone else could have the exact same quality as you and love it so much! so end this cycle of negativity. choose to live a different, happier, more positive life. its all up to you. u can CHOOSE to be different!

finally, to end with, honey it will take time. just because you don't find yourself loving what you see in the mirror after 1 day, doesn't mean you never will. you don't have to keep changing yourself to love yourself. if your daughter looked like you, would you hate her? would you cringe when you look at her? of course not. treat yourself as your daughter. be gentle with yourself. be there for yourself. show up for yourself. it may take time, but please, don't give up on yourself.

[nullwindd]

so.

finally finished undertale red and yellow 2.0. (I say that knowing fully well it was only announced almost two days ago) and it was fucking incredible??? i played the original back a few months ago but.

I will always stand by this characterization of clover and chara and OOOH I loved all the parts where frisk sorta joined in. Like in the elevators in hotland or some other part I can't remember where it said they did a thumbs up. I love this trio. but I'd also like to talk about cocoapowder because if I thought I liked them before. MAN.

the way you can slowly see chara's sort of abrasive nature which is a little genuine at first turn to being a casual teasing and friendly banter between them and clover. the way some of clovers thinking starts to rub off onto chara and chara starts to acknowledge how nice offering support is and how it does genuinely help. the way that clover is sometimes forced to confront the other side of the argument and that not EVERYTHING is positive which is also a good thing to think about. clovers insistence on the journey mattering more than the ending, and chara refusing that until after the asriel fight where they talk about how they wish they could've seen how clovers journey went as much as they liked watching frisk's. also clover repeatedly talking about how much they like charas smile. charas clear upset after the asriel fight but they shove aside their hurt at them thinking clover is gone for frisks sake. just. all of it. wonderful.

and saving clover in the asriel fight??? awesome. I may have died once but I got there. i loved all the imagery and the way their check status changed from Executioner, to Judge, to Jury as they accept that they aren't necessarily responsible for doing anything and it separates themselves more from their justice and that they dont have to do everything themselves! thats not exactly what I was trying to say but I've been writing a lot recently and the words aren't coming to me. however. very cool. also the way you can see their fears in the fight. clover characterization.

and I haven't even talked about all the extra side content like my personal favorite the el bailador recorder rhythm game portion?? best 4 minutes of 2025 nothing will peak that. some of the other stuff like new home (the picture is making me insane) and the kanako portion in true lab was also sick. my playtime on my pacifist save ended up being 9 hours and 30 mintutes ish when the original red and yellow was around 4-5ish hours. i really. really needed to see every bit of dialogue i could.

i don't know how to end this off but I was live posting in my discord every single room almost their dialogue despite a promise that I'd only do it for dialogue I thought was REALLY cool so if that isn't telling I don't know what is. i just wanted to rant somewhere about the traumatized children mod

if I don't see a good ut red and yellow fic within the next few months, after I finish writing the current thing I'm working on. its so over.

[inamagicalhallucination]

natsuo not forgiving his dad but making peace with his past and moving on was actually really great; and i liked where endevour ended up -- even now its hard to say everyone's fully moved on from his abuse -- becuz thats not how it works, i think ive said it before but endeavors redemption arc always confused me becuz compared to characters like bakugo, his was so weak -- and that i thought (and still do) it was done on purpose

bakugo's growth is shown at a very slow and gradual process, when he apologizes to izuku, he's not only realized he was awful, he's already been actively better and he's already grown -- also bakugo's pre-arc self doesn't compare to endeavor who literally abused his entire family, leading his wife to a breakdown, his son to death and then villiany, along with many other things -- im only comparing them becuz they both had redemption arcs written by the same author not becuz i think theyre comparable

bakugo's actions werent good by any means but he, per every arc, gradually changed over and over, not only how he treated izuku but how he thought of him and how he acted overall (all the while retaining his loud personality lmao)

endeavor on the other hand essentially got what he wanted, realized he was a piece of shit and /then/ tried to make it up -- it wasnt like bakugo who was already being better when he apologized -- who was waiting to apologize -- endeavor's arc, in that way felt insincere

altho the scenes where endeavor tries to be a better father and todoroki ignores him are funny, they also show that endeavor just kind of tries to flip the switch -- there's not gradualness, no process, one day he's just like "well enough of being awful" but the thing is, why would siblings who have been hurt their entire life not want some aspect of love? of course it makes sense that even tho natsuo was the least likely to be willing to forgive endeavor, some times u thought that maybe... but natsuo could never forgive him, could never pretend that nothing happened and that they were family now, and that was perfect for him becuz he didn't owe endeavor anything

even when the dabi-touya reveal happens, endeavor fails to actually take action/responsibiltiy over his abuse of his family -- he's vocal about wanting to change, he tries to play up some reselblance of a father, but he fails to genuinely show growth most of the times (not to say he's never had moments where his regret is obvious, just that there are a lot of moments where he should be doing something but doesnt)

endeavor's arc is a show that sometimes u regret what u've done and u try to change, but u fail at it, sometimes apologies dont account for anything, sometimes people dont forgive u -- its a show that no every character arc is meant to end with the character forgiven --- endeavor says that he'll continue apologizing and give reparations for his crimes for the rest of his life, he accepts that that means nothing to natsuo and that natsuo wants to move on w/o him, he says he'll take the blame, that he chose to dance, so he'll take the consequences -- its a very bleak ending but it fits his arc the best -- endeavor was not able to really fix anything -- he did not fix his family, he did not save touya, he did not earn the love of his children, but he finally became ready to actually repent, without expecting anything in return

to clarify, i dont think that endeavor's regret is insincere, by the way, i think he does regret what he did to his family, however his regret for the abuse he forced hsi family through does not dictate how his family should react, no matter how sincere the regret, the apology, or the love, no one is required to forgive and move on -- and natsuo could not do that, but at the very least, becuz of endeavor's change, he was finally able to have some peace with it all

finally, the touya situation

the todoroki family is genuinely hell for me, the touya/dabi-shoto interaction killed me, i think ppl forget that touya's so called hatred for shoto is stemmed from the endeavors actions and abuse, touya is able to recognize that its not really shoto's fault but he cant /help/ but have all that anger in him anyway becuz of endeavor -- all of touya's siblings were born for the sole reason of being his replacement

in another life, the todoroki siblings would have loved and cherished each other, in another like touya would have been shoto's big brother and shoto would have been his little brother, they would have had soba together, they would have trained together, they would have all been a family

the "shouto im sorry" and touya crying was the worst and best thing horikoshi has ever done

[trulyradicalactivist]

To be honest I feel kind of insecure of having transids for fun/that are of my own choice, I feel uncomfortable like I wont be accepted, I dont know why but probably because people constantly say 'trans(gender) isnt a choice' like ok i get it isnt for you, but dont speak on behalf of everyone, you're making me seem like I dont exist, Like I am transgender by choice I dont feel like I will be accepted for saying that and I just feel so insecure about it. I have some other transids I do for fun too. like transplural and transtherian (not really sure if that one is completely by choice) but I just feel so pressured into having dysphoria, Its important that as a community we accept everyone, Saying 'we didnt choose it' isnt the way to fight bigots, its 'we stand for everyone whether they chose it or not, they all deserve rights, and those of us who can, will not change for you.'

like being able to choose something doesnt automatically mean giving it up. I can choose if I want to be an astronaut too when I grow up, I wouldnt stop that just because someone told me not to.

Ive seen people say things like 'Transids are okay for fun' but i feel a little iffy around the topic of gender, like if I bring that/it up they might not think Transgender falls under a Transid? And I just generally feel weird about it.

I Just feel

I just feel weird even talking about it

Like arent my identities just for me? I generally dont know if I will be accepted in transid spaces by it, and thats a horrible feeling to not feel like you would be accepted by your own community

(I also kinda feel the LGBT wouldnt tolerate it, Ive been told 'one post like this and bigots say everyone is acting like this' as if im some kind of monster for acting like it, isnt transgender a desirable thing? isnt being a boy a desirable thing?)

It just feels so wrong, for them to say that

Is there any kind of term for this? (for choosing your gender/identity?) I've personally coined genderchoice .

Is there any/some kind of more mainstream community/group of people I might get to know that might help/relate to me

(Am I the first person in history for this?? lol. everywhere else seems so silent about choosing your gender.)

Dont Answer this next part: (I just want to say)

I May have just Misunderstood Identity as a whole (no offense to be)

Like Isn't identity supposed to be who YOU are?? like wdym someones forcing you to be trans, you DO identify as it, right?? like, identify as in feeling inside you and thinking you feel like that description of a boy/want to be it / desire that ...? Do they mean they wish they didnt have all the dysphoria pain suffering and that they could be normal?? do they mean that they wish bigots wouldnt hate on them for nothing?? seriously.

Because if something Inside this/them is genuinely forcing them fo be trans and they are MISERABLE because of it, get them some help!!

Also isnt that the whole point of trans that you can be something else then what you were assigned/forced to be at birth?? if you were assigned trans that would be kinda ruining the whole point ?? right .?

This is why, in all my arguments and debates, I always mention that people can choose. That sometimes it is a choice. That sometimes we can control how we feel and we choose to be someone else than what we were when we were created and given life.

I fully believe you should be able, if so inclined, to pick your own identity. That is what identity is for, to be who you really are, whether that be by choice or not. That is why we make term decisions and pick the labels we use.

I don't believe you are any less valid than I or anyone else for that matter. You are still who you say you are, even if who you say you are is more in your control that others. You are as deserving of my fight and my care as those who cannot choose.

Be confident in yourself. Don't back down from anything at all. You are still who you say you are. You will always be who you want to be. Even if there were people who wouldn't support you, or at least that's what you fear, there are many like you, and more who will support you.

If nothing else, you have a home in my fight and in my side of this community. I extend that to every person who is on the "wrong" side of what society considers normal.

I hope you have a good day.

[sethdomain]

Okay, don't answer this but ya, I don't know what that anon is on about you're completely right. That ending was bad, really really bad, and attempting to approach it from a centrist's viewpoint when c!Dream is genuinely at fault for everything that ever happened to c!Tommy rubs me the wring way. Liek, that's victim blaming, you're blaming c!Tommy for being abused by c!Dream when it's fully the fault of his own deluded obsession with him. There is no, "Oh, they both were wrong." because HE WAS HIS ABUSER AND HE WAS HIS VICTIM. The only reason it even ended that way is because cc!Dream was outed for being a vile evil little man and the story hit too close to home and he needed good PR and to pretend as if he wasn't exactly what his character was. Anyway.

Oh definitely, with that short amount of time trying to go for the centrist point of view for the ending just feel like undermining the story we've gone through. It's shit and it feels lazy for an ending and it just doesnt bring any intresting message to the plate. Like yeah lets just nuke everything bye-bye nothing matter. It's so bad...

You get it, c!Dream is fucking insane and somehow c!Tommy is somehow always blamed for his action and c!Dream is excused because c!Tommy does not act 'right' or in other word does not act in a way that is palatable to people.

I don't get it, why do the narrative in c!Dream and c!Tommy relationship is made with mixed signals, i feel like its that way okay. The narrative always switch up side like sometime it sides with c!Dream and sometimes its c!Tommy, but its done in a very icky way where if its c!Dream sides it always weaponize c!Tommy minor wrecking of building or anything 'annoying' that he has done, but listen its not as awful as c!Dream done. What c!Tommy done is mostly repairable and easy grounding or apology can fix it and most of his action was just him actually goofing around, like what an actual unruly child would do, but then you have c!Dream a grown ass man exiling this kid isolating him, manipulating him, physically abuse him, depriving him of food(sometimes), etc and then im supposed to like think, hmmm yeah sometime c!Tommy is also awful to c!Dream and that he need to fuck off like??????? I dont get it here, I just do NOT get it...

I think the DSMP should have just embraced c!Dream as a fucked up, creepy little villain and maybe it would have been awesome

And LOL, bro was not roleplaying!! Bro is actually obsessed with minor!! But for real, if thats the case that just sucks and scummy of him to use a very passionate project of many other creator to just use as a PR cover up.

[walkingaroundlostandconfused]

OMFG. MATE. I GENUINELY THINK YOU’VE GOT SOME SUPER FUCKING POWER THAT JUST WRITES OUT SOMETHING THAT JUST FEELS SO RIGHT AND IS SO RIGHT. kind of like deconstructing a dish and being like wow? this was an ingredient in the dish??? it makes so much fucking sense and makes the whole dish taste even better. (haha i think i’m hungry, sorry for this, metaphor ??)

and also, not the shade on the Takemichi Harem xD !! they’d be coming for you for that comment (but you’re not wrong..)

That is nothing but the truth !!!!!!

i don’t know anybody else other than Take who deserves that life though, man’s been through hell and back to secure that future but i dont doubt the fact thatd he do all of that again, if he had to.

I know i’ve mentioned Take’s loss count / losing but really at the end of the day it’s a win-win situation, just a “setback” which is really a step forward to that future, even if it meant getting his face beat to a pulp, beyond recognition sometimes, to different shades of purple and etc. all of that didn’t matter in comparison of a future where all of his closest are happy and alive. There was something much greater out there than a Hanagaki bleeding out in some bumfuck alley, something that he HAD to cement in.

and I admire that so much about him.. sigh. WORLD, I LOVE TAKEMICHI!!!

“ They can't take his eyes off of him. At the same time, they can't show that they care TOO MUCH because that's like weird”

Hahwjwiwjejiwuwjwoejwkenrmrkfic

God they’re so stupid, i adore them. Oohh you want him so bad it makes you look stupid.. Do they even know? smh. It feels like their body just moves on its own when it comes to Takemichi, distancing themselves from Hanagaki won’t work because i know damn well their heart is leading them to the opposite direction / right back to Take. Although i doubt they’d be letting someone like Takemichi out of their grasp, again in some cases.

I’ve got like a special place in my heart reserved just for pathetic Harem. How could the whole world fit in someone so small ?

And I’d be absolutely fucking lying if i said I wasn’t grinning like an idiot while reading your last reply ! You’ve really got me in a chokehold with Harem Takemichi haha.

Ahhhh and i’ve yapped… apologies xd.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

You are coming after my heart. Calm down! (and now i'm hungry too... sigh... better go write another chapter while I'm at it)

BUT BROOOO THOOOO. I am such a sappy romantic at heart, and I LOVE the thought that these guys make all these USELESS promises to themselves. My favorite go-to writing stuff is that these STUPID BOIS with their UNCONTROLLABLE emotions, get JUST enough sense to be like "omg i'm the smart one between us" and then and there, swearing up and down that they would do whatever/whenever if it meant Takemichi's safety and happiness. I have such a long and stupid list of headcannons that have NO basis in reality that for all their stupid vows and cumbersome promises that they made no one but themselves. (I have one where Draken swears on the scar on Takemichi's hand, barely as long as his ring finger and as heavy as his life, something something most definitely platonic)

Idk i personally love the thought that they wear their own scars with pride but when they see what Takemichi carries, they get all quiet, guilty, grumpy, nicer to him. ESP when they get older, like a bunch of feral, abused street cats that warm up and grow old with their stupid but genuinely lovely owner (i have some isekai-slave-harem story somewhere where this plays out in less human-rights-friendly way).

I AM SUCH a SUCKER for ships that have COMPLETELY redefined what's "normal" and acceptable and everyone else is shocked and almost appalled because there is NOTHING normal about that. (I already wrote one with an outside POV but it's NOT ENOUGH. I WANT MORE)

(But I also love love it when they are fully aware. They know, and they still do it. They have lived life without Takemichi, and the pain of living with him is SO MUCH better than without. I NEED it.)

I can NOT stop the stupid. I can only write it and wonder how someone could be so stupid. I often look upon them and wonder if stupidity is infectious. It brings me such great joy. It also deeply concerns me.

These asks have brought out some child-like wonder and joy inside of me. The itch to go and write something gets stronger. I feel like I can't do it justice in this cramped ask-box. I need to write a fic haha. idk what im going to write, but i'm going to be writing soon hehe

[circular-bircular]

Hi, genuine syscorse question

What the fuck does pro endo/ support endos mean? I dont really interact with endogenic systems because we're not in the same circles but I don't think they don't exist or are lying about their experiance.

If I was a vegan and endos werent people would say that I'm not pro eating meat/ supporting eating meat (as far as in aware) but according to a lot of people that is being pro endo. Am I pro endo/ an endo supporter if I say I believe people when they talk about their experiances in their own head?

Is there such a thing as a definition of what pro / supporter of endos are?

Is it anti endo to say I don't know if a system can exist without being formed by trauma?

I am aware it's all pointless and really doesn’t matter, but like it comes up a lot so if you could give me a hint at whats the right thing to say when asked thatd be great. I piss off a lot of systems when I give my real opinion & sometimes when I say Im neutral

-Albert

This isn't going to be what you wanna hear, but... yeah, it's all pointless and the labels mean nothing.

Pro-endo means anything from "I believe endogenics are all just traumagenic systems, but I lie to their faces and pretend I believe them so they can recover sooner" to "I believe them fully about their experiences, systemhood doesn't need trauma" to "actually, endogenic plurality is the best form of systemhood and DID systems who are upset at endogenic systems are just bitter sad losers who are angry they're traumatized and forever broken."

Anti-endo means anything from "I don't believe endogenics exist at all, it's all just DID or fakers" to "I believe in them, but they hurt me so badly that I call myself anti-endo so they fuck off," to "All systems are fake, actually, and you should fucking die if you think you are one"

It's a whole mixed bag!

At its core, pro-endo VS anti-endo is belief VS lack of belief. Believe in endogenic systems? That's pro-endo. Don't believe it? That's anti-endo. But in practice, those labels are so much more varied and nuanced that it is absolutely pointless to try and blanket-statement them.

My suggestion is to avoid the labels and avoid the people who are pissy if you don't label yourself. You shouldn't need to label yourself anyways.

[lemonade-luvr]

I MEAN THATS AS FAR AS I KNOW. to be fair all i’ve heard abt it is You fucking hallucinate shit .thats literally it .

where the fuck did i get the idea you were having hallucinations then......... hmmm. however, i also dont get many hallucinations! at least not visual ones. im much more privy to tactile and auditory stuff!

im gonna infodump. autistic style. and if i accidentally desstroy your worldview, im so sorry. you have been warned.

IT GOT REALLY LONG SORRY FUCKKKKKKKK

schizophrenia is actually very similar to an autism diagnosis! at least from an outside perspective. it comes with flat tone and struggles with facial expressions and all that jazz! it can also make it really hard to think and leads to a very scattered mind??? idk how to describe it . because of the . well we call it brain scramble! i think its called something like word salad though.

the main defining thing about schizophrenia is the presence of psychosis, which is further defined by hallucinations, delusions and paranoia o^_^o

hallucinations CAN include seeing stuff that isnt there, though thats a really simple understanding of visual hallucinations. the visual hallucinations i tend to get are stuff in the corner of my eye and the walls kinda.. Shifting. nothing immediately distressing. but i know there are people with way more scarier things going on.

auditory hallucinations are something i experience a lot more, and theyre just.. hearin stuff that wasnt ever there. my brain loves the discord notification sound and like. splatoon sound effects. sometimes i hear someone yell the body's name!

there are also tactile hallucinations which is feeling a sensation that wasnt real. we get these ones the most. a good example isssss well rn im getting The Bugs. like buddy theres no bugs here you are feeling hair probably and yet even then i still feel it eugh eugh eugh. our headmates can make use of our tactile hallucinations to give me pats on the head though, which is nice o^_^o

delusions are simply believing something that isnt true wholeheartedly. i dont reallly like to share mine because im scared of people playing into them or thinking theyre cringe BUT i will share that we have fully believed ourselves to be in future london before. which is really fucking funny you are allowed to think this is funny. we are in the wrong country for that buddy. you can be fully aware that somethiing isnt true and still believe it! its fucked up! they should make that illegal. these are the mind killer i hate these little bastardsssssss... delusions are very versatile. its also like thinking mundane things are signs.... theres a lot to say on delusions.

paranoia is the one thats really easy to comprehend its just intense and unfounded anxiety. me when i overthink everything to death. me when everyone on the bus knows im gay.

also it makes it really hard to Word Shit. sometimes i cannot comprehend the english language despite it being the only one i fucking know. On that Topic. Sorry if this is Incomprehensible. i actually genuinely Cannot Tell. its usually fine but sometimes i just feel like i cant get ANYTHING across correctly.

impaired motor coordination is also a thing? which makes it hard for me to type sometimes and also do things like, idk, drink my monster energy without spilling it and pissing off charles. sorry charles. damn. UH theres also a lot of repetitive behaviours, and catatonia. it can come with memory issues and FATIGUE BIIIIITCH and BUDDY am i FEELING the fatigue today. AUGH AUGH AUGH.

oki think thats all i have to say on the matter unless u have questions

i feel so fucking nuts right now i dont know if its the rush of i just got to infodump or if im manic :sosonormal: <you are manic <thanks babygirl in my head. god i hope this is comprehensible

ONE TWENTY ONE GUNS 💥

[thisisanude]

there’s no way out and no matter what someone will end up devastated meaning i will end up devastated as well. there is absolutely no way out that makes me not suicidal and accepting that is the hardest thing. part of me wishes it could go back to many months ago and suppress this feeling before it grew into this, because now it’s gotten too much to handle. i want to die all the time pretty much i don’t see any scenario where im happy if i stay alive. dying would. mean i dont have to deal with it. i really wish i could just disappear so bad i dont want to be conscious anymore i want to die i hate everything about living lately i cant handle any more of it. there is nothing that can fix this and its all fully 200% my fault which is the worst part. i understand why so much of spring semester felt too perfect and felt like something bad was coming, bc it was. i got some big wins and some big happy moments before some of the worst months of my life where i feel absolutely stuck and hopeless and out of control in every single way. i feel like im not even controlling my actions anymore when i used to be able to just get away with not controlling my thoughts. everything feels hopeless. everything feels like there’s no way out, like im stuck. every option i have of getting unstuck just makes me more suicidal and i can’t handle it. i want to go away. i don’t want to interact with anyone for a long time i want to be put away from every single person including my family and best friends. i don’t wanna talk to anyone or see anyone and most of all i don’t want anyone to see me. being perceived is like the worst thing that could happen at this point i really can’t be perceived in any capacity right now and i just want to wither away into nothing. i can never be truly happy i can’t and every time i have a small amount of hope thinking maybe everything will be ok it gets brushed away. i feel the most alone i’ve ever been in my life and not being able to tell anyone my true feelings has made this that much harder. it’s hard not to start crying in random locations at random times, or sometimes even straight up puking bile. i miss being able to eat normally and not feeling so nauseous all the time. i miss feeling like i am a good person with good intentions. i miss feeling like im myself like im not dissociating as hard as possible and wanting to for once because it’s better than feeling like a human at this time when nothing feels normal at all. i want to puke bile and foam every day. i can’t wait for this era of my life to be over but i think it’s going to get worse before it gets better. i am trying so hard to not cry right now cuz m and a are right there in the same room as me right now. this is genuinely a type of pain i had NEVER felt before and hoped to never feel and i hate it more than anything like i feel like this hurts worse than anything else ive been through, which says a lot because i feel like when my cat died that was the most depressed and hopeless i’ve ever been. but honestly this feels like im even. more depressed and hopeless and way more alone. i had an excuse then. i guess i kinda have one now but not as much as most ppl know. i just want to puke. i cannot handle anything i want to die pretty much all the time please cant i just feel normal again soon. please God, the universe, anybody, please let me feel okay again no matter what that means for my life please let me feel like myself again and like i can be okay again. i don’t know if there will ever be a point when i will be.

[sphylor]

okay gotta preface this by saying that i dont have any personal experience with muteness like this. please let me know if anything about this is wrong (beyond like. the biology of it fhhf i already know thats Messy at best here)

but what if Aether has a really hard time with not being able to fully heal people sometimes? and what if he has a hard time listening to his patients' wishes when they go against his own wants? (under the cut cus it got too long)

after the transition he was of course one of the people by Dew's bed the most, helping heal him with his quintessence. most of the things he can heal even if they take time. he managed to close the gills that were quickly drying out on his neck and sides, he healed the wounds from where Dew's fins had to be surgically removed, he soothed any burns on his skin. but Dew's voice was left completely destroyed after the transition. Aether managed to get the swelling and inflammation down and reduce the pain whenever he needed to eat or drink but he could repair his vocal cords. he tried and tried repeatedly. he used quintessence, he made Dew drink silly amounts of warm honey and lemon. he tried to get Dew to do vocal warm ups but it just ended up causing him more pain.

by this point Dew had honestly accepted the fact that he would never be able to talk again. he at first felt bad for Aether, seeing his desperation to help Dew get his voice back but soon he felt angry that Aether was so focused on it. like it was the only thing that mattered about Dew. that he couldnt be happy that Dew was still alive and there and present right in front of him or respect Dew's acceptance and try and do the same. Mountain noticed both Aether's obsessive desperation and Dew's frustration and stepped in. when he took Dew out on slow walks around the grounds or when they were in the greenhouse together Mountain started to teach Dew sign language. he was still learning it himself but he had learned enough to teach Dew. and Dew was genuinely so grateful for this. he finally had a way to communicate again without writing everything down. they spent rainy days in the library together reading old books about ghoul sign language that even had illustrations (lets just say that ghoul sign language is something well documented and the abbey has lots of resources on it jhsfbjhd)

Aether found out about this all eventually though and got pissed at Mountain (im imagining that at this point its still only Dew Aether and Mountain and the others havent been summoned yet). Aether accuses Mountain of giving up on Dew and his recovery but Mountain points out that Dew has accepted what has happened and that they were both doing the work to adapt to this new change. Aether's still annoyed and insists he can heal Dew and Mountain gets Angry. Dew, who was napping in his room but got woken up because of the shouting, finds them arguing. Mountain explains why to him and Dew thinks for a moment before turning to Aether. he signs something to him, his anger clear. Aether looks to Mountain to translate and he coughs his throat and tells him he said "you're being a selfish prick. stop thinking that you can fix me when there's nothing that needs to be fixed. stop thinking about me in terms of your own wants. i dont care what you want. this is what i want so fucking deal with it." (or something to that effect djfhjd)

getting those words from Dew finally gets it into his head that hes fucked up and he goes off to think about it. when he comes back after a day of being locked away in his room he signs an apology out to Dew. Dew rolls his eyes and signs out "i can still hear, idiot" but hes got a small smile on his face and knows that Aether was just trying to show him he is trying and willing to make the effort now. Mountain is stood behind Dew like a guard dog the entire time glaring at him but he softens a little when he sees Aether clumsily sign out the apology.

they all learn more sign language, the ministry holds ghoul sign language courses for anyone who wishes to attend (Copia is at every single one. it was his idea in fact hjsfbhj), all new summons are taught ghoul sign language alongside english if they dont already know it, Aether learned a lesson and Dew is happy and content with the way he is.

some other little bits:

i think that Dew can still make a fair few ghoul noises like purring and chuffing and chittering etc etc i think ghouls have two sets of vocal chords (i dont care if this wouldnt work theyre demons from hell if thay can have knots and tentacle dicks they can have two sets of vocal cords shbfjhs) one for ghoulish sounds and one for speech and it was mostly Dew's speech set that got affected. his other set got affected too but that just means all his sounds are a little crackly now dhjbfj

ghouls are pretty good at nonverbal communication anyway with ear flicks and tail movements and eye stuff etc etc so sometimes Dew doesn't even have to sign to communicate as a lot of ghoul conversations can happen in complete silence hfshjs

he of course still has to write a lot of things down especially when communicating with people outside of the abbey when he doesnt have another ghoul around to interprate his signing. but also after new ghouls are summoned too before theyve learned enough sign language to understand what Dew's saying dhsjfb hes patient with new summons. hes less patient with ignorant humans and often signs obsceneties and insults that they will of course never be able to understand while he smiles sweetly at them dsfhjhbdfhjb

what if Dew was left permanently mute by the element transition?

[qveensteph]

lol tw rant: feeling absolutely insane rn. it just feels like the universe is absolutely against me in the oh so insignificant but absolutely top of my mind/main priority of having a romantic relationship. like i’ve gone all of my life without a boyfriend, am i really that undeserving of romantic love?? like i kill myself to be a good potential girlfriend, yet i’m alone. like what the actual fuck. it seems like everyone who wants someone has someone and ppl that are alone choose to be alone. like i’m so over feeling sorry for myself and im so f*cking over begging for this. why should i beg for something? it’s not like i don’t try because i do. i literally put myself out there. i’ve literally been on dating apps, i’ve gone on dates, i go out and do things on my own. i try not to have resting bitch face but no no nooooooooo. it’s just not for me. like am i being f*cking punished? i’m always there listening to my friends about their romantic lives and i’m happy for them, i support them, but after years of hearing everyone talk ab their romantic lives, no matter how fucking shitty their love life is, u just feel awful about urself. (bc at least someone actually likes them enough for them to have a romantic life) like i know i’m beautiful, smart and accomplished, but i just get to this point in which it seems like nothing about me matters (and ik how bad that sounds but it’s my truth) like sometimes i feel like pulling a full cassie howard and just fully surrendering myself to any man that gives me attention. but i know how incredibly bad that is in every aspect of the notion, but that doesn’t mean that every day that i’m still single, that i’m not becoming more and more like szn 2 cassie. and to make matters even worse, everyone’s f*cking surprised when i tell them i’m single and i’ve always been. like they always think i’m lying. and i’m flattered but then i’m ALWAYS sad afterwards. it feels like i’m on the outside of the biggest joke ever. i’ve literally had a random man walk up to me in the street and tell me “your boyfriend is lucky to have you” like thank you, but I DONT HAVE A BOYFRIEND. like why is god punishing me? why is the universe punishing me?? and i’m over all that, “you need to love urself first” bullshit, because i do. i’m basically a straight up narcissist at this point because of how much love i’ve had to pour into myself. yes, i have friends, i have family, i have a promising job, i’m genuinely happy with the rest of my life. my cups are filled up. except this one. it’s literally empty. i just can’t believe how much this literally affects me. it pisses me off that it bothers me so much. like god give me a fucking break. i literally have the most basic standards. respectful, attractive to me, funny, tall, a talker and not ridiculously older than me. like girlllllllllll i am NOT asking for the world. i’m gonna get a tattoo on my forehead that says “LOOKING FOR BF” anyways… i think i feel better. but it doesn’t matter if i feel better now, bc it’s a bandaid on a fucking bullet hole. i’ve dealt with this for years. and i know it goes beyond just being loved, it’s daddy issues, its abandonment issues, it’s fear of vulnerability, it’s feeling unworthy of being loved, it’s so many things. and i’m just so OVER IT. like whatever.

well, :) kisses 💋

pray for me!!! i need it 😀😘

[saccharinemeat]

hi! VERY strong anti here. trying to be civil. just genuinely asking, why do you like proships. genuinely. why. what makes them so good to you? to me, they, well, make me feel nauseous and gross. sometimes even violated depending on what it is. what about these, honestly, gross ships is so good to you? what makes you think they're good? i'm not looking for an argument. just,, answers.

Alright, I'll answer in good faith here, because i really appreciate not picking a fight or an argument

First off, please, don't say , "you like proships" proship doesn't mean "problematic ships", it means "pro" (as in favor of) shipping, that is to say, it's an anti harassment stance on letting people do whatever they want, based off the old fandom saying "ship and let ship"

you dont need to like problematic ships to be proship, you just need to be against harassment of people who enjoy darker or more 'edgy' media, and that's it

As for you question in itself, it's complicated, some problematic ships i enjoy stem from my own trauma and family issues, particularly my abusive mother. Reading and making content with parental incest gives me comfort through the fact that its an inconditional , codependent love. In fiction it feels comforting, but i know reality is way different first hand.

For age gap ships, theres a whole aspect about having someone take care of you, and also again, love regardless of situation, plus there is self insertion as it makes me think of back when i was a teen and had crushes on older people. I couldn't act on them, and I knew that any adult willing to date a child is no good. But within fiction,you can write about it and it would be harmless, generally speaking

For dead dove or more problematic stuff,such as abusive relationships, theres again the desire for love no matter what, and the situations those develop in, are usually trauma bonding for the involved characters

Now, these are not the ONLY reasons i enjoy such ships. There's also the aspect that i just like some of them aesthetically, or i see their chemistry in a romantic light, Or i have a streak of sadism towards a certain character.

Another reason is the potential for interesting fan content, particularly fanfiction, wholesome ships are sweet and cute and can be hot even, but it's all very by the book. The exploration of their emotions, thoughts and actions in messed up situations is more interesting to me

For sibling incest particularly, i just feel that they're usually developed in such a way that it can easily be seen as romantic, since we spend so much time with them, and seeing them fight and bond and laugh and promise to be together, that it just clicks different

and, It's understandable that you feel nauseated and grossed out by a lot of these, in fact, there are problematic ships and tropes i hate and despise, despite the fact that i love other messed up content for example

- I hate bully/victim ships

- I hate uncle/niece ships

- I hate cheating stories

- I hate forced feminization

- I dislike enemies to lovers

- I dislike anything involving characters I consider too young

- I dislike vomit and sick fic

a lot of people love these! but i dont! some of them make my skin crawl! but i dont go and yell at them, i dont comment on their things, I just block them and move on, and focus on the stuff i DO like ,which is what i generally suggest

Fictional exploration of darker stories is okay, and generally harmless. I know the argument that it can be used to groom people, but truly, that's not the fault of the content or its creator, the blame is fully on the groomer.

Also, if we started banning or bashing things that can be used to groom others, we'd have to ban stuff like plushies, candy, adult collectionists of cartoon merch, comics, books,etc etc

ANYTHING can be used to groom a person, if there's a groomer targeting them. nothing is safe if there's an actual pro contact pedophile with the intention to groom a child. The only way to prevent these things is to be taught about them, and to learn to not take life advice from fanfiction, which should be a given.

Like seriously, think about it. let's see, a safe hobby, non fandom related....

okay, imagine theres a minor who's very interested in learning about history and historical maps of the world.

This kid joins an unsupervised group online, and talks about wanting to make friends, and does make some nice, age appropriate friends

They feel generally safe online

Then,a groomer targets them, befriends them and brings up the fact that they collect maps, and they love history just like the kid.

then moves into talking about 'old customs' and starts planting the idea that old societies were in the right about child marriage and so on, until they actually gets what they want, and commits a crime.

The groomer didn't need a fanfic to convince the kid

they just needed to manipulate the child into trusting them, using whatever the kid liked.

who do you think it's at fault here?

the kid? the history book? the group? the internet? Nope.

It's the groomer's fault for targeting the child

and it's the parent's fault for not teaching online safety to their kid.

[bnhaficsforthesoul]

Shiggy headcanons because he <3

warning: some nsfw and I say when it starts

okay first off, yes please help him take care of his skin but be nice about it, he is self conscious about his skin and will think you think hes ugly if you dont bring it up right- best way to go about it is say that you know it bothers him and makes him uncomfortable physically and mentally and you want to help him and you think that these products could help

cause he appreciates you looking out for him a lot

it also helps if you do a skin care routine with him! he thinks of it as a fun bonding time for the both of you and you being there in the habit of doing it everyday helps to remind him to do it everyday

at the beginning he could be very selfish and demanding of you (mainly of your attention and time) while also not giving you much in return- he didnt mean to, he legitimately has no idea what a healthy relationship looks like, all he knows is that he craves your attention and love but doesnt know how to give it back and is scared to anyways

you're really gonna have to be patient with him, help him to understand that you need to be given affection as well and that relationships require work from both sides - hell take everything you say very seriously because he doesnt want to disappoint you

he opens up in odd increments, hell go from you cannot know anything about me to heres my life story in 10 minutes, leaves out details here and there that hell save for another time, but hes not trying to trauma dump or anything its just so healing for him to be able to get it out to a positive outlet that sometimes he can give you a bit much without warning, but of course you want to help him so you comfort him as best you can

so scared of touching you, at first hes wary even with wearing gloves because just what if - what if something goes wrong and suddenly you're gone, he cant handle that

but he slowly gets there, first getting more comfortable with just you touching him and then hell carefully link his pinky with yours or press your foreheads together, small things that you learn to love

when he learns to control his quirk to the point of not having to worry about this anymore, he excitedly runs up to you hands out and just grabs you, let's his hands run all over your body in the most innocent way possible, for the first time he can actually feel you fully and hes so in love

if anyone even dared to hurt you he would kill them without a second thought, you are without question the most important thing on this planet, nothing else matters

he can be extremely possessive, but it's mainly because hes terrified you'll leave. he doesnt think hes attractive or has a good personality or any good redeeming qualities, he has no idea why someone as perfect as you would even consider looking in his direction, but he never wants you to leave

god he loves kisses. so much. could kiss you for the rest of eternity and would never get bored. when you pull away he will chase your lips and pull you in again

tell him hes gorgeous please. he needs to hear it, he has no idea how genuinely beautiful he is :(

he loves when you wear his clothes. they're more than likely all very dirty, especially if you wear them long enough to get them to smell like you because he wont wash them just to keep the smell (so you're probably gonna have to wash his clothes and help him to get into the habit of doing so), but he thinks you're so gorgeous in his clothes. its probably another aspect of him being possessive and liking things that make it obvious that you're with him, but he wouldnt mind if you stole everything in his closet

loves having you seated on his lap, especially during important meetings. yeah, hes got the hottest s/o on the planet, no one else can have them, cope.

seriously he loves showing off that you're with him he will brag endlessly if the situation allows it

loves playing video games with you of course, at first you were lucky to be able to be seated at his side and watch as he played, but now he got you your own special controller and cant wait to continue playing whatever 2 player game he can find

he gets you really cute gifts, probably stolen or things he found laying around, but they're always so soft - the sweetest gift he ever gave you was one of his old plushies that he keeps in his room, he washed it and everything for you and gave it to you so that even when hes not there you have something of him

loves when you play with his hair, it's probably tangled 90% of the time because he cant be bothered to even think about brushing his hair but will let you brush it for him and run your fingers through it and everything

though he does whine when you accidentally brush too hard and pull on his hair harshly, but his hair is seriously tangled and the brush might get stuck in it unless you're brushing it often

wants to protect you from the world. hes so worried about you constantly, he doesnt know what hed do if something happened to you, but if you're out hes always got an eye on you if hes not physically holding onto you

not a relationship thing but I just gotta throw in my nonbinary he/they Shiggy headcanon :)

I was trying to keep this mainly sfw but I just gotta include some nsfw, poor baby is extremely horny. mega horny 24/7. he probably wants to fuck you as soon as you start dating

whether you do or not is up to you, but just know he is not experienced at all. hes watched insane amounts of porn but quickly realizes that he cant use that as a basis for what to actually do with you, so you're gonna have to teach him a lot. even if you're inexperienced as well, you'll probably have a better idea generally than he does

after a lot of practice and semi embarassing moments, he gets pretty good at sex honestly. he genuinely wants to make you feel good and will listen to everything you say. hes very open to everything you want to try too

hes got some more extreme kinks that many people wouldnt be willing to even try, and he respects if you dont want to go into them because again he wants you to enjoy yourself

hell sub a lot at the beginning of your sex life because hes confused and you're probably taking the lead on things, but as he gets more confident that he actually knows what hes doing he goes more and more into being a dom - can and will still sub if you want him to, but generally ends up domming

[littlebabycrybtch]

honestly its still so heart dropping and disgusting to continue to see aspec ppl have to put on that like. trained, overly polite, overly passive, complete Lack Of Self Respect tone that forces a sense of ‘i know i dont matter’ just so they dont get completely automatically ground into dust when they go out on a limb and ask ppl they wanna interact with; ‘hey please dont start anything but can you just let me know if you’re an aphobe or not’ and its Still met with soo much mockery and disbelief almost every time like....... bro what even is there not to understand. you’re literally being the proof of why they have to ask abt it i cannot Fathom that kind of Blindness like lmfao bitch they just dont wanna be around some1 who hates them.... thats .. normal... thats human?? thats human behaviors. its having standards for yourself. its FEELINGS like unironically rn pls tell me you’re clowning and that you do understand how fucken LOUD you all are abt normalizing aspec hate and how often we obviously run into bitches like you and have to ask this question. you know how LONG we’ve begged for basic support so you have to know that reacting to being asked if you give a shit abt somebody with that kind of mockery is disgusting and bratty and ignorant af bc bro lmao its YOUR FAULT for being a Part of the people HATING THEM....?

holy shit lol, nobody should be good with being around people who disrespect a part of them,,,, thats like a genuine personal problem if someone willingly wants to do that, so why tf would you be expecting that. bc its us? bc its us. bc its us and you feel THAT right in thinking that we’re so worthless, they we are just so Stupid for not knowing that too. its funny to you that we dont realize how little we matter. lmao its so ugly and warped like!!! god how fuckin evil can you get just calm down idiot lmao theyre asking if you respect them and you’re basically responding ‘why would it matter to you if i didnt?’ bhsejbjehg uhhhhhhjjjjjjjjj bc thats. a regular thing 2 care about. its standards like mam do you hang out with ppl who hate you. is that some normal thing to you like. avoiding the ppl who wish you werent around is sort of just . health and safety and basic emotional response and also common sense. really is. literally How dehumanizing and detached coudl you POSSIBLY be abt this to be directly asked by a marginalized identity group if you respect them or not, and actually say No, but Also be like ‘LMAO YOU REALLY ASKED ME THAT? IT DOESNT MATTER’ like. yeah it matters bc they stay existing actually, you dont have to hate them for that, and they wouldnt have to ask yall this stuff if you behaved lmfao. not to mention your reaction is literally the evidence that it apparently matters enough to You to make sure they know you dont accept them. fully, you are whats making it ‘matter’ so much bc you are the one going apeshit over a benign existence. you’re the one losing it over nothing.

like lmfafuckingo what is WRONG with your MIND dude im.... speechless like ‘dont drag me into discourse’ YOU HATING SOME1 AND THEM HATING YOU BACK IS NOT ‘’’’’’TUMBLR DISCOURSE’’’’’..............? WHAT R U DISPLAYING RN DID U NOT SPEND ENOUGH TIME IN THE GUIDANCE COUNSELORS OFFICE GROWIN UP WITH THIS ATTITUDE......... ITS THE NATURAL ORDER OF SOCIAL CONSEQUENCE......... ITS SOME BASIC ‘YOU STARTED IT’ TEE MOTHERFUCKIGN EM LOGIC...? YOU HATE THEM! FOR AUTONOMY! FOR HAVING AN IDENTITY AND ENOUGH SELF RESPECT TO STICK BY IT! THEY HATE YOU BACK I THINK THEYRE ALLOWED TO ASODLKFL;SDF AAAA DUUUDE lmaoooo and like good lord, passively existing around ppl who hate you and not challenging them isnt ‘avoiding discourse’. thats. so unhealthy sdjkf what kind of underdeveloped politics.... its toxic and absolutely batshit to genuinely ask that of Anyone. like bro stop Actually expecting ppl to hate themselves for ur comfort thats.... so weird i.... are you okay hhh nah you just need to step up and try to be a regular ass person actually and have sympathetic reasoning skills. being ace is fiiiine its nbd i dont need to to change for you, im allowed to be this, and i get to ask if you’re ok with that so i dont end up in a gross ass environment.

ace =/= discourse. you dont get a say in everything my dude. we’re not here for you to analyze, we dont give you permission and we dont need Your permission to exist, we’re not asking that of you when we send those msgs we’re tryna figure out if ur gonna be a bitch or not basically lol just seeing if we’re gonna be accepted by you or if we’re wasting our time like alksd;al its so traumatizing and unnecessary and MINDBOGGLING that u think its not fucked up ?? to feel like we are supposed to accept your hate of us as our truth?? you believe we’re that awful that its Funny when we dont Realize it or smth thats just so....... what would even make you respect us. literally absolutely nothing besides not existing in front of you. so. thats hate. thats irrational unwavering hate. beyond the fact that any group always has the right to ask you if YOU hate THEM, you cant sit there and mock the mere idea of caring when you are literally giving reason for it by trying your BEST to upset them and make them feel like they deserve to feel like shit for what they are afterwards. dfgjdfkgjdlfkgfd man the hypocrisy and like complete lack of self awareness in reg culture is like novacaine for my brain its so jarring sometimes. im allowed to have a problem with you having a problem with me bc i cant fix Being smth, you can fix how you feel abt it. balls in your court ill stay waiting. im not gonna hate myself bc you’re not right xoxo get a vaccine for w/e makes you this evil and selfish pls

[woozi]

i agree how you described twt, sometimes everyone's just ready to fight it seems, i've genuinely had fun on both platforms at different times but now it's just too much on stan twt (no space for difference of opinion djsjdjj) it's good to know you're having fun as well :3 & omg i've seen few of my moots starting to give svt their attention after fallin flower dropped, everything abt it is <3333 the song, mv, choreo i love it.

hdjdjddkdjdj " virgos 😐 " also me in next breath "happy birthday mark :D i love you so much 🥺💕💗" any virgos reading this i really hope you enjoy your month to the fullest djjdjd <3. righttt?? you're correct abt mark's temper being very virgo djdjdkd.

your line screams hard-working people <3 jihoon, jaebeom, jeonghan the 3Js <3. isn't jaebeom also an infj? (i don't take mbtis seriously but at the same time it also makes me happy if it ends up matching someone i like djdjjd) chan & yugs 🥺 these two imo have the sweetest personality, like the one which makes you feel welcomed & they also have the cutest laugh 🥺.

i love jus2 <3 focus on me is one of my favorite kpop mvs of all time & also drunk on you??? i love this song so much, very sexy of them. the vibes, style and everything w/ their album, i want more songs like that. and for when i am feeling melancholy i need more songs like jjp's verse 2 😭💔 but i am also okay if they don't want to go back to these units bcoz everything so far they've been giving is just as great <33 ( maybe in future we'll get blessed w/ features 🥺)

honestly g7 as grp and individually have won me over with their music style, even if i don't like full album ik there will be 3-4 songs which will be exactly what i like to listen to, all of the music they've released individually i've liked it so much. there is this song of youngjae's, titled "i'm all ears" i had no idea of its existence until it popped up in my spotify i'm so glad it did, it's been in my playlist ever since. there was also a time when i was obsessed with jackson's 'on the rocks' djdjdk.

aww <3 the live performance video of 1�� has mark as thumbnail so for long time i used to associate this song with him jdjddk. i think the only j*pe thing i'd miss is got7 studio live sessions 🥺. RIGHTJDKSKS aju nice's mv is very cute djjddk I love it, in reality its reverse tho, i see them and boom! 💖💛💗🤍💕💙

it was the year they won first bb*as award so that gave them the exposure, and no i don't follow them anymore. mixed feelings abt them, very negative feelings abt f*ndom fjdjdjd. i do miss what it used to feel like liking them sometimes. at that time i never thought i'll willingly drop them from my interest (i've stanned zayn since 2012 first him as grp member then solo. sometimes thinking abt it gives me a whiplash hddjks it's been 9 years, really thought it would be same with them too but it didn't happen)

i've had falling in love by yugs and in to you by jaebs on loop for days djdkdk i really love these two songs and also air by bammie <3 (i'm slow jams kinda person djdjdk :3)

(bam released the most fun album & title this year idc abt others, ribbon is one of the soty) also special mention of look so fine & running through the rain. yes! you do make sense they feel organic & very them.

exactly 😭 it's more believable when they drop stuff out of nowhere like encore 😭😭. the way youngjae posted his letter on twt too ddjjdkssk the announcement & release of encore is such a 'you just had to be there' situation the excitement, nervousness, confusion and everything 😭 sometimes i can't with them. also is the bibi with mark on ost, the same one you mentioned in last ask? the ost is really good <3, it must've been fun to see it happen (if its same bibi).

making a whole ass playlist just for me???? 😭😭😭🥺💗 yza you're so sweet nooooo 💖

and don't worry abt replying late jdjdkdjd i mean it, sometimes my friends text me after weeks and i'm am the same. it's really okay <3. i hope this week is treating you kindly, take care yza - 🪂

p.s ( just saw last post djjej) - it was me who manifested more bunny dino <3 manifesting even more <33

i was on stan twt during my younger years too and it was v fun and memorable to me ngl <3 idk what happened though.. it's evolved to be.. Something Else.. i still see a lot of good people there though 😭 and now that i'm in my Hag Era... idk it's just too fast for me now 😭 it's still my go-to place for updates though nothing can top twitter on that dept

and ms fallin flower.... i feel like everyone was blown away by it (based off of what i see carats when talk about it) and rightly so!! she SERVED. the looks too oh my god. it's another factor i look forward to and enjoy so much when i watch their performances!!

u know what? virgos 😐 indeed KJJKDFJKFDJKFDKJ i want to slander virgos today because it's their season and no one slanders them that often so <3 ABOUT MARK'S VIRGO TEMPER THOUGH... i know i've said i enjoy seeing it sm but whenever i think abt it i cant help but say that.. I Love His Temper <3 he doesn't get pissed off in a scary and douchebag-y way it seems so... contained?? IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE IT he punched an a/c though so that might not be the perfect word to describe him lmaoo <3

THE J TRINITY HFDJFJDJHDF BESTIE UR MIND IS SO!!!!!!!!!!! honestly... maybe it's the acts of service for me <3 JKDFKJFDKJFJKD i think this is just my eldest sister and savior syndrome speaking though kfjkdkjf ALSO OH MY GOD THE WAY U NOTICE THESE THINGS <3 THAT'S SO SEXIE OF U!!! and yes he used to be an infj!! there was an interview that's more recent wherein he mentioned that he's now an enfj though but i cant rmb which interview it's from :/ ALSO MOOD FKJJKGJGKF i dont believe in mbtis too but im just... a little obsessed w it for the fun of it all <3 and the way u described them </3 what if i tear up a little </3 I LOVE CHAN'S LAUGH SO MUCH BUT IM SO SOS O GLAD U BROUGHT UP YUGYEOM'S LAUGH??????????? IT'S NOT TALKED ABT ENOUGH LIKE...... HELLO!!!!!!!!!!! one of my bird moots said he sounded like a schoolboy in choir 😭😭😭😭😭😭

GOD UR TASTE!!!!!!! what if i start falling in l*ve a little :/ what then :/ focus on me was ahead of it's time and people fucking slept on THEM i cannot fucking believe this. this has to be some kind of sick joke 😭 ALSO HAVE U SEEN THE CHOREO FOR SENSES!!!!!!1 INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!!! holy fuck!!!!!! sorry for the expletives but like.... holy SHIT they did THAT!!!!!!!! ALSO UR SO RIGHT </3 jjp verse 3 when... ALSO did u know i let go of the jjprojects url... thats the worst mistake of my life KDKJDSKJDSJK also agree wholeheartedly <3 i think they're all trying to find their footing this time around as soloists and im so proud of them for that!! i'll stand by my jus2 agenda though bc they're almost in the same company so maybe.. i might have hope left 😭

SO TRUE BESTIE!!! the same principle goes w svt for me as well <3 got7's such a flavorful group musically like... all of them have the capacity to go solo and they're still considered flops.. waht the fuck <3 ALSO OMG FJDKJFKFJD YOU'VE HEARD The Song!!!!!!!! maybe he'll be releasing something along those lines <3 esp now that he's supposedly coming w an album KJSJKDJSK on a similar note.. do u also listen to jamie (the other artist on the song) <3 NOO SHUT UP THIS CANNOT BE FOR REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 i was obsessed w on the rocks too 😭😭😭😭😭😭 IT WAS MY FAVORITE ON THE MIRRORS ALBUM HELLO??????????????????????????? im proposing to u rn

ok now i have to watch all the live vids again JKDSJKSJDKDSKJ ik keep saying 'ur so right', 'i agree', and 'so true bestie' but im gonna have to say this again bc i LOVE LOVE LOVE live sessions sm no matter the artist. i also just am a little partial to live bands in performances like that in general so JDJKKDSJDS

the way you're saying these cute things abt the svteenies.. </3 giving me heartache!!! i'd bully them though i can't coddle them anymore <3

not the fandom JKFDKJFDKJFDKJFKJF ok but i think it's mostly their younger fans tbh. it wasn't this bad before.. i also really liked bts during their debut days. their songs were really good!! i kind of lost interest though and couldn't really get into them although their songs slapped lol. my irls are still into them though so i still hear about them. 9 YEARS............................... wait oh my god it HAS BEEN a little over a decade since 1d was The Thing huh 😭 now i feel kinda old lmao. and i totally get that feeling </3 it really do be like that sometimes JKFDJKJKFD

you really ARE keeping up w the sevens oh my god how are you doing it!!!!!!!!!!! it's like getting svt content now at this point but more complicated bc u need to get the updates from different sources JDKJSDKJJSKD love ur song choices too <3

ALSO FULLY RELATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when i saw bam's teasers... the aes was my cup of tea and THE HIGHLIGHT MEDLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't fucking get it out of my mind it's objectively one of the best things i've seen from kpop in 2021. i'm super impressed <3 love how abyss really supported bambam on this. they really went all in for him!!

I KNOW GKJDFJDK I GOT SUPER ???????/// DURING THE TIME EVERYONE THOUGHT THEY WERE DISBANDING LMAOOOO they pulled a move that's so unheard of though no one really expected That. i respect jaebeom so much for handling all the paperwork and shit behind the scenes it must've been HELL!! ALSO IT MEANT I CRIED FOR NOTHING THEN 😭😭😭 AND YES OH MY GOD IT'S THE SAME BIBI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE SHOCK I HAD WHEN I SAW THE LIST????????????????????????? thought i was gonna black out like,,, mark,,, AND BIBI??????????????? she's fucking phenomenal how is she just a YEAR older than me.. INSANE!!! ... and i also thought jackson was gonna have an ost for this movie.. idk why it wasn't released though i didnt look into it :/

i had a rough few days so i'm not yet finished with the playlist (my laptop's Dead i am still trying to revive her and uni's starting soon 😭) but for the mean time, here's another one that some people from caratblr previously asked for JDSJKSDJ these are mostly english songs though its not my k-playlist KJDSKJSDJK

i do hope this week gets better!!! and i hope that you'll have a fun one too <3 thank u for being so patient w me 🥺 i just get so many messages and find the need to recharge FDKJDFJK

ALSO I FELT LIKE IT WAS U!!!!!! OH MY GOD, i even searched my blog for the word manifest but for some reason your ask didn't come up in the search so i didnt mention u in the tags so i wont misattribute if it ends up not being u 😭 thank u for manifesting this chan for me he's my little... hop hop now ig... 😭

[halorocks1214]

the law of relativity

AO3 Link

Word Count: 9963

Summary: The Law of Relativity states that each person will receive a series of problems (‘tests of initiation’) for the purpose of strengthening the ‘light’ within. We must consider each of these tests to be a challenge and remain connected to our hearts when proceeding to solve the problems. This law also teaches us to compare our problems to others’ problems and put everything into its proper perspective. No matter how bad we perceive our situation to be, there is always someone who is in a worse position. It is all relative

Previous Parts (in order): Alan | Virgil | You are here! | Gordon

WHY 👏🏼 CANT 👏🏼 I 👏🏼 WRITE 👏🏼 FICS 👏🏼 IN 👏🏼 MO 👏🏼 DER 👏🏼 RATION 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 also just bluuuergh. dont ask about this fic. part of it was written in a dark auditorium, another was written in a different state, another was written on a frickin bus, this fic has been places ill tell you what. half the time i think this is hot garbage and the other half i think its actually decent so im posting this while my head is in a good headspace and then promptly yeeting myself off the internet for a few hours to wait and see what happens. this series is becoming less of a canon divergence AU and more of a straight-up AU because of certain details im trying to worm in there buT IM TRYING MY BEST

thanks once more to @gumnut-logic, because of the length, this time i used three prompts, them being "What do you mean?", crease, and dream (and they werent even used that much sksksksk)

Warnings for both graphic and non-graphic depictions of violence, as well as mentions of torture and other PTSD/panic attack related stuff. I went deep with this one fellas

Orphan.

The word tasted dirty in his mouth.

He can still see the footage in the backs of his eyelids from when he watched it exactly one year ago. He was the only other (living) adult at the time in the family outside of Grandma, so he was permitted to see it. He remembered they originally didn’t want to show him, mainly because of his age, but Grandma was fierce, and she put one hell of an argument on the table.

One Scott refused to let fall through the cracks by breaking down. If only Grandma knew how he cried his eyes out and screamed to high heaven that night in the hotel room after essentially watching his father be blown to bloody smithereens then she was a goddamn saint for keeping it a secret. It made sense, she was the mother to his father. She had quite the line up of stories from Jeff’s childhood. Scott sensed the early-greying of his hair came from her, heh.

The rest of his family eventually saw it, of course, they did. Scott couldn’t shield them forever. What he will protect, selfishly he might add, was how angry he was at how much better they took it than he did. They cried, yes they did, but they never fully broke down like Scott did. Later in life, he wondered if it was jealousy: jealousy at not truly being able to let go. Whatever it was, he made sure to swallow it along with whatever alcohol he chose for the weekend.

Just add it to the ever-growing pile of shit he had to deal with. Nothing new.

Suddenly he’s 20 again and seated in a plane to be taken to his first stint in the Air Force. He said his goodbyes to Virgil, Gordon, and Alan back at home while Grandma and John metaphorically held his hand all the way to the airport. John was… quiet, more so than usual, but Grandma was stuck right in the middle between being a sobbing mess and ecstatic at the fine young man he’s become.

You’re just like your father. He would be proud.

Scott was secretly glad she never physically said it. It gave him plausible deniability in thinking that those words weren’t laced behind her big, bright, prideful eyes.

The first time went well, maybe even great. He stayed for a couple of months, did some flight tests, and while the training was brutal, boy did he learn a lot. When he came back home it was to a family slowly stitching itself back together. Grandma was a full-time house member, Virgil had taken up painting, Gordon talked about potentially going back to his swim meets, and while Alan was still as silent as ever, he was perkier than when Scott last saw him.

It would be on and off for the next few years: a couple of months at home, slowly and painfully taking over the role their father had (he can’t remember when he essentially received joint custody of his younger siblings with Grandma, but hey, he’s not complaining), then a couple of months out at the Air Force base where he slowly climbed up the ranking platform. He became skillful, perhaps too skillful. When he got his rank of Captain he felt it was less of an honor and more of something they owed him.

He was getting cocky. Never enough to be a danger to his fellow men, but enough to be somewhat of an occasional annoyance. Charles smacked him upside the head more than once. It felt like the world was right-side-up for once. Scott made many-a-calls to John and Virgil, the former enjoying his first few rotations up in space and the latter squarely in the middle of college. Gordon was being offered sponsorships to hell and back, and Alan was quietly getting along with the other kids at his school. Grandma was on welcoming duty for Kayo, who was taking her slot in the Tracy family with grace, though, a warning that their family would take custody of her if something were to happen to her parents would have been nice, Dad.

Of course, nothing ever goes right for their family for too long.

Orphan.

Age 24, it was supposed to be a simple retrieval mission of civilians. Scott was put in charge of his squad and then some. At night, they rolled-- well, flew out to get the job done. Scott can’t even remember the country anymore when minding his own business. Australia? Finland? Perhaps Bangladesh? There was a place John was insistent Scott never do rescues in, Virgil tended to agree, and the eldest unhealthily let them banish him from ever stepping foot there without argument. He could never remember the name off the top of his head until John’s familiar International Rescue, we have a situation rung out in the living room followed by the name of the country.

He would immediately forget it later, trauma too strong, too volatile, but the way his heart stopped and his head shattered and the way he felt ice water rush down his back was a good enough reason to quietly leave the room and let John delegate the job to one of his brothers. Sometimes John found him retching in the toilet halfway through the mission. He made sure to always mute Scott’s wrist communicator, even if it was never turned on in the first place.

The plane touched down. Orders sent the ground team out. But then the ground team took longer than estimated. Scott tensely waited where he was told to. It wasn’t the first mission that took a little longer than predicted and knowing humans, it surely wouldn’t be the last. Then, words mixed with heavy static came over the radio. H--p. Co-- ---7--. --nd ba---p --me--at--y.

Scott sat tensely in his seat, remembering his orders and suddenly hating them. Radio back to home if the mission goes south. Well, it didn’t look like they had the radio anymore. Still didn’t hurt to try at least. Scott spoke the familiar protocol that was ingrained into him when trying to call base. Dammit. Nothing. Probably some kind of blocker of sorts. Sitting up straight as a board, Scott looked through his options.

… He was in charge here. If something happened to his team the fault would lie squarely on his shoulders. Going against everything but his gut, he went out to help his squad. He can’t really remember what he exactly did anymore, but he does remember that it made a noise. Like a Looney Tunes scene: he flinched, froze, waited to see if anything or one heard, breathed a sigh of relief, and continued.

He eventually stumbled across one of his closest comrades, Arnold Brigeets. Yes, the name was ironic and half the reason he joined the force in the first place. The guy was one of the people that actually trained Scott and also seemed to be one of the few that was genuinely proud when Scott became a higher rank. It’s why Scott was more appreciative of Arnold than others, that, and well… Scott thought his fatherly abilities were good. The guy did have three kids back home.

Orphan.

Ducking down behind the cover his older friend was semi-situated behind, Scott watched as Arnold jumped at the intrusion before sighing. Scott had run into some enemies that he swiftly took down-- nothing too serious, he didn’t have the time or weapons for such an act, but they definitely would be out of it for a while-- so Arnold must have too on his way to find cover as well, hence why he was so on edge.

“Thank God,” Arnold wiped his forehead, “Glad to see you join us, kid.”

Scott was breathing heavily, but the grin he attempted was still there, “Y-Yeah, so what happened? More threats than we thought?”

Arnold shook his head, “Yes and no. There were a lot more baddies than we thought, but that’s because the civilians weren’t civilians. It’s a tr--”

Boom. The familiar sound of a gunshot.

Arnold fell over. Never got back up. Dropped like a rock in a lake, never to come up to the surface again.

Scott was so caught off guard he couldn’t react to the gun that swiftly beat him over the head, knocking him out cold. The only thing on his mind was oh fuck oh fuck I messed up I shouldn’t have come I wouldn’t have made any noise that way why did I--

They had him for roughly two weeks. Scott always thought the plotline in movies where the villain vehemently denied knowing any important information was dumb as hell. We’re not stupid. We wouldn’t go after someone if they didn’t know something.

The things they did hurt and no amount of I don’t fucking know anything! would help. Those two weeks were lost to Scott in a sea of pain and torment. The only thing he remembered was being captured, then waking up in a hospital drugged up to his gills with his superiors staring at him like he cured cancer.

“You saved the rest of your squad from sharing the same fate as the first half.”

“I-I did?”

“You betcha, son. I only wish I was there to see it! People be saying you were like an animal in how you took ‘em all down.”

Scott’s never remembered, and he wanted to keep it that way.

He was given the highest honors, even the chance to skip a couple of ranks to be at the same level as the big boys, but the night they were going to share the news to the golden boy himself, they found him in one of the bathrooms with a bloody hand and a mirror shattered with no hope of fixing it.

He was honorably discharged to a family that was so thankful he was home. Words like missing in action and POA never stopped haunting their nightmares. Scott was too, God, of course, he was, but sitting around and doing nothing was the last thing his traumatized mind wanted or maybe even needed. After doing what he considered to be the biggest fuck-up of his life, he needed to feel important.

This isn’t the first time he’ll say this and it surely won’t be the last: thank Christ for Grandma.

“You want me to take over?...”

“Yep, it’s about time Tracy Industries received a new pair of eyes. The Board certainly thinks so.”

“But… they’d rather have a crazy, PTSD-infected veteran over you?”

A rough pinch to his ear, “Hey now, don’t call yourself that,” the gentle motherly tone was back as soon as it left, “Besides, that crazy might exactly be what they want. Half of their argument is that I “don’t take enough risks.” They’re getting tired of listening to an old fart like me.”

A moment of contemplation, followed by the cheeky raise of an eyebrow, “So you’re saying you want me to take so many risks they have no choice but to take you back?”

A bark of laughter, “Damn straight.”

He learned the ropes faster than normal (healthy, is probably the correct term), and he immediately won the hearts of both young and old in the company. Instead of flying planes every few months, he worked on business reports and vetoed new ideas every couple of weeks. It felt satisfying for the most part, and his family was just happy he was still alive to enjoy it.

However, there was a slight roadblock on his way to becoming a somewhat stable person.

He became prone to violent blackouts. It had to have started when he blacked out and saved himself from those two weeks of hell, which made the most sense. Something was always destroyed when he came back to life. John was the best at calming him down due to his own experience with panic attacks, however, John couldn’t always be there, and the next rotation for NASA was coming swiftly. Scott swore up and down he would be fine, he could figure something out. John went back into space with an eyebrow permanently raised.

It was just him and Virgil home (Grandma had taken Alan and Kayo to watch Gordon swim) when he, unfortunately, proved John right. Scott wasn’t sure what triggered it, but he vividly remembered coming back in Virgil’s extremely tight hold. The first thing Scott thought to say was damn, beanstalk, when did you get so strong? but then he laid his eyes upon the forming bruise on his younger bro’s face and hasn’t recovered since.

Virgil swore he never held it against Scott. Scott definitely thought he should have.

That night brought sudden clarity to Scott that he was doing this horribly wrong. He was a ticking time bomb, and it wouldn’t be long before something was damaged in a way that couldn’t be fixed. Scott needed an anchor. Something to ground him before he took it too far. John wasn’t going to be earthside forever, Grandma was busy with Kayo, Alan was just a kid, and Gordon was living the dream. None of them were viable.

Then, as he was thinking, he was suddenly aware of how calming Virgil’s arms were around him, how they were preventing the growing panic attack in his chest from getting even bigger.

It was easy.

For once in Scott’s life, his eyes were big and young as he asked Virgil, “Help me, please.”

After a few brief seconds, Virgil gulped, “Okay.”

From then on, Virgil was Stone Number One. Scott’s admiration for Virgil outweighed the guilt of putting the black-haired man in that position in the first place. Virgil was glad to follow his older brother’s leadership, but just as qualified to bring him the hell back when he went too far. From getting too sacrificial to preventing a good punching-out some of the idiots they dealt with, Virgil made sure Scott knocked that shit off.

Time went on, Scott was a top-notch CEO at Tracy Industries, John was having one hell of a time up in space, Virgil was graduated and had so many life opportunities to pick from, Alan was thriving at being a (mostly) stable kid, Kayo was 100% acclimated to the family, and Gordon--

Scott found himself gripping the wooden desk very abruptly. He was shocked he didn’t snap a chunk off in the process. Why was he thinking about this right after a giant business conference? Who knows at this point. If this giant origin story seemed jagged and jumpy, maybe even somewhat vague, good, that’s how it fucking felt.

Back to said story.

Scott always thought he and Gordon would have the least amount in common.

They do, but out of all the things they could have picked to be similar, why did it have to be the PTSD caused by military-related jobs? Scott was 24 when he got his, Gordon was just under 20. It may have been a few years since their respective accidents, but they’re never going to go another day without it feeling like it was just yesterday.

At this point, Gordon was up and walking again, mainly thanks to John and Alan while Virgil and Scott helped in their own ways. Grandma’s cooking was what probably motivated him the most though, ha, the need to get away from it… Scott smiled. Grandma was always a constant. Honestly, if it weren’t for her, the family might have fallen apart. Literally.

What has he been saying throughout this whole shindig? Thank Christ for Grandma.

One day out of the blue, Grandma reserved the entire family (yes, even Kayo and Alan) private plane tickets so they could spend some time on the mainland for a few days. Honestly, even if the island wasn’t getting major renovations, you hooligans need to get out more. Have some fun. Try not to kill anything, especially each other, she all told them while creepily grinning. John and Virgil smacked Gordon more than once on the plane for insisting that she finally snapped, dudes, she’s gonna kill us.

Most of the time during their little vacation, Scott heavily focused on his breathing. He was pretty sure he knew what she was doing. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous, but the same went for his excitement.

Dad showed him these plans the day after his 18th birthday. You’re a man now, Scotty, I need your help making this big boy decision with me.

As soon as they reset foot down on the island, Scott took a deep breath and felt relaxed at the salty taste in the air. It was weird, nothing on the outside was changed, and yet… it still felt different.

“Guys!” Virgil yelled out, “Stop playing in the water! We just got back, aren’t you two tired?!”

Blinking back to reality, Scott looked over to see his two youngest brothers doing exactly what Virgil was yelling at them for. Poor Johnny was a little damp too, which is what probably caused Virgil to shout at them in the first place. The blondes didn’t care. They continued to prance around in the shallow waves with their pants legs rolled up, acting as if they didn’t hear anything outside of their laughter. Gordon shoved his hands down into the liquid and threw some directly at Alan, nailing him right in the face.

Scott exhaled slowly. He couldn’t imagine them doing this 8 years ago.

Regardless, the artist was right, and they couldn’t waste too much time. Kayo was swift in grabbing both gentlemen by the ears and dragging them onto dry land. They all painstakingly trekked their way up to the-- what would you call Tracy Island? Mansion? Over-blown cabin? Well, whatever it was, Scott would always be willing to call it home.

Stepping inside, each brother took in the view, which was underwhelmingly not that much different, except for one tiny thing. John suddenly noticed a figure already standing in the living room and blinked, “No way… it’s--”

Gordon jumped in, both with his body and his words, “Brains?! Dude, how’s it hanging?!”

The scientist in question jumped at the voices before clearing his throat and readjusting his glasses, “O-Oh, hello again, T-Tracys. It’s good to see you all once more.”

Virgil slung an arm around his shoulder, ignoring the blatant squawk, “Man, how long has it been?! What made you finally decide to crawl out of your hole?”

Snickers came from all corners of the house. Brains stood up straighter, “W-Well, I was contacted b-by Mrs. Tracy over here with an offer I c-couldn’t turn down.”

Eyebrows tilted in all shapes and sizes. Someone cleared their throat. Everyone turned to look at Grandma once again, “I think if you all follow me, you’ll swiftly understand what I’m talking about.”

I already do, Scott thought matter-of-factly. John seemed to be understanding it now, Virgil was on the cusp of remembering what his father was hinting at for him, and Gordon was just as lost as Alan. It made sense, Jeff talked to all of them about it, but the oldest had seniority. The two youngest not remembering just by words was expected, especially since that was going to be rectified very quickly.

The hangar under the island was beautiful. Point blank. It smelt of iron and steel and grease and engine and that was the first time since Scott had been in the Air Force that he didn’t gag or flinch at the thought of flying something again. Scott had seen the plans his father drew. He assumed Jeff finished building it, but he never got to physically see it since…

In some ways, he was glad he didn’t. Now he got to experience it with (most of) his family, and that made it ten times better.

After letting them absorb the scenery, Grandma slowly turned around to look at them all, “You remember that dream your father had?”

The four oldest blinked, Kayo simply raised her eyebrows, meanwhile, Alan, being the teenager he was, didn’t read the emotion in the room, “Oh, yeah! Aunt Casey always talked about how he was going to “change the world” and stuff. What did he call it again?”

Scott felt way more confident than he had in a while, “International Rescue.”

Grandma nodded, gleeful at the happy look on her oldest and youngest grandsons’ faces, “Well, I’ve been thinking about some things. I know we don’t exactly worry about money, but after everything your father put into these girls… I’d hate for them to go to waste.”

The Tracy family jumped at that. John’s mouth was wide open in shock, yes, shock, “That station is still up there?”

Grandma sighed, “You mean ‘Five? Not for long. Not if we don’t send someone up there within the next few days.”

John blushed at the grin Grandma gave him. Clearing his throat, his big brain came to a startling conclusion, “Wait… you brought Alan along?”

The other big brothers in the room jumped at that. Kayo was the only one with enough balls to say the truth out loud, “Mrs. Tracy, I mean no offense, but he’s--”

“Just a kid?” Grandma smirked, “A kid that’s topped the VR charts for Intergalactic Fury for weeks straight while simultaneously getting nothing but A’s in his classes?”

Scott nodded slowly in comprehension. He remembered Alan talking about that game for a while. It was some kind of online racing simulator of sorts. Scott caught the prettiest string of words from Alan when going to bed one night. Nearly made him shit his pants. He made the kid promise to keep it PG-13 if he wanted to keep playing.

Still, the elders in the family slowly turned to look at the freckled boy with both shock and pride. Alan blinked with wide-eyed innocence, “But my English class is only at a B--”

“Shh, kiddo, I’m making a point,” Grandma rolled her eyes. The other brothers snickered. Yep, still Alan. Grandma sighed, “Now before you point out that video games are different, I know, but the difference between them and this is that video games don’t have some of the most talented older brothers in the world to guide him.”

Said older brothers jumped at the idea. Before any objection could be made, Grandma continued, “Besides, the GDF seemed to be okay with it. The Colonel was willing to oversee some of his training too.”

John flinched at that, “But IR is supposed to be independent!”

Grandma slightly frowned. She didn’t exactly like it either, “It still is, but in the world of business, compromises have to be made.”

Virgil huffed and crossed his arms, “Well, that’s… rough. Here I thought only Scott would have to deal with the bullshit of business.”

Grandma chuckled at the somewhat un-Virgil-like behavior, “It really is, Virgil. But about that Scott part,” she slowly turned to look at him and him only, “I hate to give you more work to do, but if you want to work within their restrictions?”

Suddenly every pair of eyes in the room was on the head of the family. Gulping, Scott looked down at his feet to think. It was a tense few moments, nobody sure what he was going to decide, least of all him, before the brunette cleared his throat and brought his face back up with a grin.

“Well then,” Scott turned to look at the bright tip of ‘One, chest fluttering with a feeling that became unfamiliar to him over the past few years, “I guess now it’s time to state the obvious.”

From then on, every time he loaded into that cockpit of his girl, he felt lighter than air.

“Thunderbirds are GO!”

Everything was okay again.

Mostly.

Orphan.

Scott took another sip of his whiskey and refocused on his reports.

---

Scott was in some kind of dissociative state the whole way home.

Alan doesn’t deserve this. He’s still a kid, barely an adult, and he’s going to go through utter hell because you screwed up. You were 24, Gordon was just under 20, Alan was barely 18. Alan’s going to get fucked up like you and it’s all your fault.

His movements were robotic and rigid. Anyone with a working eye could tell he was deep in shock and running on autopilot. Mostly Jeff. Especially Jeff. The rest of the brothers all noticed too, but they were also running on their own empty fuel tanks, so the only thing they could do was guilty send their older brother the occasional glance of pity and concern.

Jeff was going to need to talk to them about that. Somehow. Maybe he shouldn’t be the one to point it out since he feels just as bad. His sons were too much like him, sometimes, and that made his guilt burn all the same. He should’ve been there to warn his sons about the dangers of unnecessary guilt. Having that kind of guilt was a parent’s job, dammit, and maybe grandparents only occasionally.

But then he remembered where he’s been for the past 8 years and… who really was Alan’s parents anymore? His gut was screaming it sure as hell isn’t you, but he knew his sons would want him to step back into the role as soon as he was physically fit to do so, not just for Alan, but for themselves as well. They would deny it, but they probably just wanted to be kids again too, even if it was only brief, fleeting moments.

Who was to tell the protective, fatherly side of Jeff no to that? No better time to fix things like the present after all.

He saw Scott go up the stairs when they first stepped into the living room, so that’s where Jeff was going to go too. Footsteps light, Jeff retraced his eldest’s pathway to his bedroom. Only, he stopped before said bedroom. Unfavorable noises were coming from the closed bathroom door, and Jeff could only swallow whatever emotion it made him feel. Taking a deep breath, he slowly opened the (unlocked) door to the bathroom and laid his eyes upon the incriminating scene.

Jeff was met with the sight of Scott retching his entire stomach into the toilet, hands aggressively grabbing his sticky, hair-gelled hair and trying to make himself bald from the strain.

Jeff’s reaction was always based on autopilot, and it will never stop being so.

Ignoring his protesting body, Jeff kneeled and placed a hand on his son’s back, only to abruptly pull back like he touched a hot stove when Scott only got more hysterical at the contact. The brunette clenched his eyes shut even more (and they were already shut as much as possible) while his head became a special kind of crease. Like he was in pain, “God, I wanna go home. Why won’t they listen I swear I’m telling the truth! Please, I just want Dad--”

Jeff was frozen on the spot, heart stopping in the process. His brain shut down while he watched his son continue to mindlessly ramble and panic. His freaked-out mind barely registered footsteps from behind in the hallway, followed by a voice going what’s going-- holy--

Something thundered past him. Blinking once, Jeff guiltily watched as Virgil kneeled behind the eldest and wrapped his arms around the thin man’s shoulders while taking Scott’s hands in his in a protective blanket, “Scott! Jesus-- we’re at home, you’re safe and it’s June 14th, 2--”

Scott only struggled more, panicking at the fact he could no longer yank his hair out. Dammit, it was the only way he could feel in control, don’t take that away too! “No! I swear I’ve said everything! Please--”

Virgil immediately knew that this was one of those attacks that Scott wasn’t coming back down from with pure human intervention. Add-on the sight of his father’s big eyes signifying the man was at a loss at what to do, Virgil had no choice. He snapped loudly, remembering the comms were still on and only feeling slightly bad at the way Scott flinched in his arms, “Shit-- John! It’s Scott! Get the stuff! We’re in the upstairs bathroom!”

Muffled footsteps through a few walls in the house could be heard. Jeff’s mind was only starting to catch up when the brother Virgil called for came rushing into the bathroom (Jeff never remembered it being big enough to hold four of them) and ignoring Jeff (practically shoving him out of the way too, man, this was bad) on his way to the main problem at hand. Landing on his knees in a way that made Jeff wince, John gently grabbed one of Scott’s arms from Virgil’s hold and subsequently pulled a needle from nowhere and injected something into Scott.

The response was instantaneous.

Scott’s breathing, while still labored, got slower. He stopped struggling as well, and the way he sagged reminded Jeff of ice melting into a puddle. The two other brothers’ shoulders also sagged, relieved at the crisis averted. John stood up, knees cracking as he rubbed the back of his neck. Then, he froze at the sight of something in the doorway, “G-Gordon…”

Virgil snapped his head up from where he was looking at Scott. Jeff did something similar. Yup, in the doorway was the strawberry blonde, eyes wide, making him younger by about 10 years. The ex-Olympian in question inhaled, closed his eyes, and soon speed-walked his way out of the entrance to the bathroom. Dammit, neither Gordon or Alan have seen something like that and it probably spooked him more than anything. He’d understand with his own PTSD-related issues, but still, seeing the “never weak” big brother freak out in such a scary way...

John combed a hand through his hair, shaking his head. As he started walking out of the room, he whispered to himself, probably hoping no one heard him, “Dammit, this is all so fucked…”

Unfortunately, Jeff did hear, and the dirty language made the father flinch. John was always the best about making sure Grandma didn’t wash his mouth out with soap, and the fact that he so willingly didn’t care meant that everyone was at the end of their rope. Still reeling at the sight, Jeff couldn’t react to the gentle arms that picked him up off the floor and slowly led him out of the suddenly stuffy room.

With the click of the door shutting, Jeff realized what Virgil did, “W-Wait, Scott--”

“Will be okay for a few seconds,” Virgil finished for his dad, “I know it’s nearly been a decade, but the one part of you I definitely know hasn’t changed is the need to comfort us, just like we hoped.” The small grin that fell over the middle child’s face put Jeff a little bit at ease, but Virgil wasn’t completely done, “So, I’m going to let you take care of this, but I just want to make sure you’ll handle it with grace. Take this slowly, okay? Scott might be doped up, but he’s still… volatile, in a sense.”

Jeff cleared his throat, suddenly choking on the unneeded tension, “Okay, Virgil, I promise, just… what happened? That was… bad, and really bad at that too. I know Scott would never let something that severe willingly come out in front of his family.”

Virgil rubbed the back of his neck, clearly not ready for this conversation, “Listen, Dad,” he inhaled sharply, cutting himself off before sighing in a way that said fuck it, might as well get this over with, “As much as it felt like it did, the world didn’t stop spinning because you… well, we had lives we somehow wanted to continue living. We all have lives and stories now, and this is Scott’s story to tell.”

Jeff was getting misty-eyed again. Back when he was just a kid, Virgil couldn’t keep a secret to save his life, mainly in part due to his insomnia-related issues (Jeff has to wonder if he still has them, more problems for the future) and general lack of filter because of sleep-deprivation. Now Jeff knew there was a starch difference between a kid who couldn’t keep his mouth shut and a man who genuinely knew how to respect another man’s privacy, but…

It just hammers home how much he’s missed with his boys. Gulping, Jeff made a mental note to talk with his mom about certain things he’s missed. She’ll know a lot more than he would, “Okay, Virge. Thank you, for stepping up there.”

Virgil’s shoulders relaxed at Jeff’s words, as well as his father’s hand patting him on the shoulder, “Thanks, Dad. Just… go easy on him. I know it’s a little late for this but none of us ever properly talked about things. It was very unhealthy, deep down we all knew that, but…”

“You just couldn’t get the proper emotions out?” Jeff finished for his son. At Virgil’s soft nod, Jeff exhaled, “I’m not going to say that it was a smart decision, but we’re all here now. We can move forward with this.” Jeff squeezed where his hand laid.

Virgil blinked before curtly going, “Yeah. Goodnight, Dad. Take care of Scott.”

Virgil stepped around his father and walked to where his bedroom most definitely was not, but Jeff could deal with that in a little bit. He had another son who he was pretty sure just had a violent PTSD attack of some kind, plus, Virgil seemed to sour at something Jeff said. The ex-astronaut wasn’t sure what it was, so he didn’t chase after him out of worry that--

Wait.

We’re all here now.

Dammit, Jeff. Out of all the sentences you could’ve picked...

Alrighty, just add that to the ever-growing pile of things that need to be talked about later. No biggie. Jeff found himself sighing and rubbing the back of his neck much like Virgil did a few minutes ago. Turning around, he was met with the bathroom door once more. Shaking his head, Jeff slowly crept into the room and saw that not much was different, especially with Scott.

His heart softly cracked, but, again, he can deal with it later.

Sitting down on the ground and grimacing at the way his body ached (was gravity always this rough?), Jeff leaned against the floor cabinets about 2-3 feet away from Scott, who made himself into a nice comfortable ball in the corner next to the toilet, his palm smushed against his forehead. Jeff waited a few seconds. Then minutes. Then he realized he would have to be the one to initiate the conversation. He probably should’ve realized that right when he came back in. He opened his mouth, but his wasn’t the one that words came out of.

“It was… Zambia.”

Jeff’s heart stopped and his mouth snapped shut. He couldn’t stop the way his eyes clearly showed his panic, but hopefully, he guiltily thought, Scott was a little too doped up to not realize it, “Scotty, what do you mean?”

Scott shrugged in a way that spoke he thought what he was admitting wasn’t a big deal. Yep, clearly not with it, “Mission went bad… caught for a couple of weeks.”

Jeff was hoping his first fuck back on Earth, spoken to himself like right now or otherwise, would have been a comedic thing, but the way nausea rose in his throat said this was anything but funny.

Scott wanted to be in the Air Force. Badly. Who was a father to deny his son’s want to be part of such a noble cause? He gave him tips, took him to meet friends in high places, sometimes even sparred with him when he turned 18, but then Jeff was suddenly thousands of miles away with no hope of ever having the chance of sparring with his eldest again. Despite it, Jeff hoped Scott went on to become the best pilot the world has ever seen.

Part of this looks like he did, but at what cost?

As much as it felt like it did, the world didn’t stop spinning because you… well, we had lives we somehow wanted to continue living.

Aw hell, “Jesus, Scott…” Jeff couldn’t tell if it was the brashness or the lack of a nickname that made Scott flinch and he hated it. He immediately softened his tone and brought his 27-year-old child into his arms, “Shh, shh, we’ll be okay. We’ll figure this out.”

Like father like son, old habits die hard, and as easy as it was to still be able to comfort his children, Scott seemed to just as easily take it as he used to 8 years ago, “Alan doesn’t deserve this kind of hell, God, he’s barely not a kid anymore! Why--”

Jeff tightened his hold to keep his son in reality, and because he didn’t like the tone behind those words, “Hey, you didn’t either--”

Scott somehow managed to fling himself out of the hug, focus incredibly on point for someone who was doped up to his eyelids five seconds ago, “But I fucked up! I made the wrong call and then suddenly Arnold was dead and he had a wife and kids-- shit, what the hell did I do?”

Okay.

First of all: way to put him back in that headspace when that’s the exact opposite you were going for, Jeff, father of the year. Second: dammit. Just… dammit. This was a big fat hand grenade in a giant handbasket that they didn’t have time to gently get out while simultaneously not yanking the pin clean off with the grace of a drunk elephant. Jeff was no stranger to Survivor’s Guilt, but there was a whole untapped pile of metaphorical C4 within his son’s head that was ready for someone to push the goddamn button.

He wanted it to be him, desperately, because it sounded like he already failed his family enough, it was all he could do at this point, but he absolutely hated that he couldn’t do it right now. This was going to take a lot of time, which they didn’t have, plus, Jeff thought he had a pretty good understanding of this new Scott and the rest of his kids. Jeff was aware that if he didn’t help his sons find their baby as fast as possible over everything else it’ll lead to a fate nobody wanted.

A shaky sigh, “Okay, Scotty, let’s get you to bed. We’ll talk strategy in the morning.”

Scott simply nodded as his father flung Scott’s arm around his broader shoulders and picked him up. Slowly and painfully but surely, father and son meandered their way to Scott’s room. With a thump a little harder than Jeff wanted, Scott flopped down on top of his sheets and immediately started snoring. Despite everything that just happened, the father couldn’t help but grin at the sight. Well, there was another thing Jeff gracefully passed onto his son.

Jeff only took Scott’s shoes off. He would’ve loved to pull the sheets up around him too, but the father didn’t want to take any chances at waking him up. Slowly tip-toeing out of the room, Jeff gave one last glance back at his son before finally letting him be and gently shutting the door. He had three other sons he needed to console, but his tired joints told him to selfishly take a moment for himself for right now unless he wanted to collapse and give his family more to deal with.

Jeff eventually made his way to his room-- which was sadly unkempt, he noticed-- and sat down on the edge of his unfamiliar bed to think.

He’ll figure something out. If he had to crawl through images of his son being brutally and bloodily tortured then by God he would with the fury of a thousand suns.

He was back and he wasn’t going to throw away any second or even third chance he was given.

---

“I got him.”

Virgil turned his comms back on, and with it, Scott’s heart restarted for the first time in a few weeks. Taking a moment for a breather, Scott leaned against the wall while practically wheezing. They have him back, holy shit, they have him back. Scott vaguely heard Gordon cry in pure relief and joy. He saw John’s side of the comms flutter for a bit before a bright flash happened. Blinking away the white spots, Scott looked at his wrist to see a fully detailed map of the compound.

Gordon spoke what they were all thinking, “Woohoo! First Allie comes back, then Johnny-boy gets us a free ticket out of here! We’re winning this race, baby!”

A very loud moment of silence. John cleared his throat, “Actually, I was going to say glad to see you in one piece, you little shit,” a playful gasp came from Virgil’s side. It was too high pitched to be from the pianist’s mouth. Scott chuckled, but the paranoid part of his brain said John wasn’t done. His brain was right, ‘“But guys… that wasn’t me. Or EOS. We still haven’t found a way to get past the metal they made these walls out of.”

That silence was even more deafening than the last, and before Virgil could utter out his typical what the fuck, a small logo appeared at the corner of their new map. One that was all too familiar. The Chaos Crew wasn’t the only one who could brand their awful deeds.

Son of a bitch.

Virgil’s order over the radio was meant for Alan, but Scott couldn’t help but listen to it too.

“Shit, Alan, you need to run.”

Making quick work of the compound once more, Scott, while booking it even quicker than last time, opened a private line between him and Gordon, “Hey, how would you feel if I said go help Virgil while I cover Alan?”

The first response was stuttering, which Scott expected, but then it was followed up by something completely out of left field for Gordon, “... Okay, just as long as you promise to bring Alan back in one piece.”

Part of Scott wanted to console Gordon, another was questioning why Gordon was so quick to give up, another wanted to say of course, I will, idiot, but the first part that made itself verbal was easy, “You know I will, buddy.”

Scott could physically picture Gordon’s tiny, little, somber nod clear as day, “Sounds good, captain. See you on the other side.”

With a click, Scott was back on the group comm. Suddenly remembering what exactly his job was, he pulled out the map so graciously given to them by The Hood. Looking at all the dots, one was heading towards a prone one (oh if that asshole did anything to Virgil…) while another one was heading right for Scott himself. Actually, in just a few seconds, right as Scott rounded the corner he would--

“Woah, look out there, Tigger!”

Yes, you heard that correctly: not tiger, Tigger. Tigger hadn’t been used since Alan was itty bitty. It always seemed like the kid had endless energy with the way he wouldn’t stop bounding off the walls and furniture. Even as a baby, Lucy had to sit with him for a few hours while he slept in his crib to make sure he would stay there. In fact, their mother gave Alan that nickname herself. She was quite the Winnie the Pooh fan, and the rest of the family figured it would be one of the ways they could keep her legacy alive for the tiny potato.

Wrapping his arms around said flailing potato, albeit much bigger than a baby, Scott thought he would collapse then and there. Alan was here, in his arms, and yeah, the sight of his dirty and somewhat ripped up IR uniform made him mad, but Scott, for once in his life, decided to focus on the here-and-now, aka his precious, alive little brother, who finally stopped struggling at the realization that hey, the person holding you is a good guy, time to turn off fight mode.

Smushing their foreheads together as much as possible, Scott desperately fought to keep the waterworks back, a smile from ear to ear hopefully taking whatever energy his tear ducts had, “You are getting such an ass beating when we get home, little bro.”

Alan jumped back with a look of What the hell?! What did I do now?!

Scott simply rolled his eyes, “Really? “Not important”? You graduated high school, tiny dude! That’s huge! You remember Gordon’s party, right?”

Alan’s mouth gaped before he closed it with slightly puffy cheeks. Those same cheeks tinged with a small blush. Alan wasn’t exactly expecting to be smothered so soon (well, he did cry his eyes out on Virgil’s shoulder, but that was different!). Shaking it off, Alan moved his hands rhythmically and rapidly, To be fair, we weren’t sure he was going to get one for a while.

Scott faltered a little bit at the ASL. Darn, he should’ve seen Alan’s lack of talking from a mile away. Scott carefully hid his disappointment from Alan. Lord knew what the kid would take it as, “Yeah, that’s what he got for barely making it. Imagine what you’re going to get!”

Scott assumed his semi-fake charm worked, as Alan seemed to play along without any kind of suspicion, Oh yeah. Fair enough.

This kid, man.

Then, slow clapping came from a dark corner, making Scott’s heart leap out of his throat as well as push Alan behind himself. Glaring as much as he could towards the invisible evil-doer, Scott didn’t have to think twice, “Alan, take my map and find Virgil and Gordon.”

The youngest looked like he was going to object.

“Go.”

He no longer did. Good.

Listening to the field commander’s orders, Scott felt his wristband slip off his wrist and a warm body leave his vicinity. An inhale. Also good. An exhale, followed by an even darker glare, “What more do you want?”

Short and straight-to-the-point and angry, two things Scott typically wasn’t. Regardless, like a cold gust of wind, footsteps started approaching him from the shadow. Once Scott saw the outline of a body, he tensed even more. Virgil would snap at him for clenching his jaw so much.

A dark chuckle reminded him of what was important. The voice that spoke reminded him of something completely different, “Now then, brother, let’s not be rude to each other!”

Scott’s pupils shrunk at the familiar sight of Gordon stepping towards him. Except it wasn’t Gordon, because Scott knew that Gordon knew better. He also knew Gordon didn’t cheekily smile like that, even after a prank, nor did he walk that straight. He always had a funny walk after WASP, and Gordon wore that fact like a badge of honor.

Oh no, Scott definitely knew who this was, “What the hell are you playing at?”

Fake-Gordon rolled his eyes, like it wasn’t obvious, “I mean if we want to go that route, why did kid insist you being in the military was the coolest thing he’d ever heard you do? Maybe I wouldn’t have been pressured into joining a branch myself in the end.”

Scott’s nostrils flared, and by God, his pupils might have actually slitted like a snake’s, or possibly even a dragon’s, “Excuse me?”

Scott blinked, and suddenly he was met by not-Virgil, “Plus, why was our conclusion after hearing a three-year-old wanting to see snow to go to a ski resort? It had to have been those big, selfish, beady eyes, right?”

“C’mon, Scotty, we gotta give you some kind of calming exercise. There’s going to come a time when neither me or John are going to be there.”

“Hmm… does yoga work?”

A snort, “Well, that’s not too bad of an idea. Maybe the person pissing you off will stop whatever they’re doing at the sight of you spontaneously doing downward dog.”

Laughter, an unfamiliar action, “Yeah, okay, but for real, those breathing exercises I’ve seen you do look okay. Let’s start there.”

Scott was not a liar by heart. He had to admit that those exercises were doing jack shit right about now.

Another blink, another brother. Familiar ginger hair was all Scott could see, “To continue that previous point, why did Dad start International Rescue again? And what led to his demise?”

“Sounds like a piece of work. Why do you keep dealing with these people again?”

“Someone has to pay the bills, Johnny. Grandma’s too focused on making the perfect poison for us.”

A roll of eyes, “Right, because the billions we have saved wouldn’t be enough to last a couple of families a few lifetimes. Glad to see your calming exercises are working at least. How’s that going for you, by the way?”

A pause. A flicker of vision around the room. Someone cleared their throat, probably himself, “It’s probably not as bad as whatever space is throwing at you. You handling it okay up there?”

Another pause, followed by a sigh, “Well, since you asked so nicely…”

Scott wanted to deflect the truth so badly right now more than anything else. Telling him he couldn’t pilot ‘One anymore would be a much more enticing option than what he was hearing.

Suddenly, Scott was looking in a mirror, “Besides, I know more than anybody that he wasn’t wanted. A mistake. I thought we Tracys hated being imperfect?”

The Hood must have known their backstories from internet articles, and being the mastermind he was, it probably took him all of three seconds to see Alan had some hidden self-worth issues. By playing the biggest Guess Who? game of all time, The Hood was most likely able to figure out some less-than-positive ideals Alan thought about himself throughout his childhood and danced circles around his already weakened mind to string together some spineless blame to put on the kid by sheer evilness alone.

Knowing his kid brother, it worked.

Scott wasn’t thinking straight-- maybe even at all when the first punch was thrown.

Just like that, Scott blacked out and was running on terminator mode. John would be disappointed. Virgil would be horrified. Gordon might find it funny. Alan wasn’t here, and thank God for that. Scott wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing. All his mind was telling him was make lots of pain hard and fast. His brain also blocked out any hit The Hood was giving him in return. Pain flared for a few seconds, then it was swept away in the puddle of rage his mind was currently being consumed in.

Soon, his out-of-it mind found its target and gripped his-- The Hood’s arm, no disguise would make him have an identity crisis, thank you very much-- nice and rough.

Scott heard the familiar snap of cartilage and felt only partially bad. If he was thinking more clearly, he would be disgusted with himself. Yes, even The Hood didn’t deserve this level of Scott’s fury. Oh, he definitely deserved to be hit by a truck, but not by Scott. It was mostly due to Scott’s sanity. If he could be this graphic and violent at all, even to the worse possible criminals, that meant he could be that way during other moments, and that was not a territory he wanted to cross into.

Welp, he was here now, and he’ll hate to admit it in the future, but the only thing that brought him out of it was a tiny gasp from a few feet away. Snapping his head up, Scott’s eyes landed squarely on a smaller-than-normal Alan, who was currently clutching his arm to his chest in an emotion Scott didn’t want to figure out at the moment. So much for going and finding Virgil and Gordon.

“Allie, help…” fake him grunted out, only making real Scott growl and tighten his hold (and probably making his case worse). Looking up from the person in his arms, Scott felt his heart split in two at the sight. There was fear and uncertainty in Alan’s blue eyes and boy did it hurt. Scott couldn’t tell if it was because even seeing a potentially-fake Scott being beaten up was bad or if it was because he’d never seen big brother be this brutal, even towards their enemies. Whatever the reason, it involved Scott being the main root of the problem.

Wait, that was The Hood’s plan. Shit… make Scott act past the point of no return in a way that was unfamiliar to Alan so the kid couldn’t be fully sure who was who, and Scott fell right into his trap, hook, line, and sinker.

Fuck.

Bloody well done, Scott, you absolute moron.

Scott faltered a little bit, “A-Alan, I--”

That falter was enough for The Hood to break an arm out of his grip and elbow him in the face. In the brief second of freedom he had, he tried dashing towards Alan, but Scott was too quick for everyone’s good and soon had the imposter back in his arms, both of them struggling in a way that made them look like they were tied into the weirdest knot in existence.

Then, an earthquake struck.

No, literally.

A big shake of the abandoned compound threw the look-a-likes about and subsequently off the platform they were on. The place was old; it didn’t take a lot of weight for that guard rail they made their way over towards while fighting to snap right off. With a yelp, the two of them gripped the edge as much as they could and held on. Crap, I know we talked with Fuse about potentially setting some stuff off, but--

Blinking, Scott saw a familiar mop of blonde hair come into view. Alan was rather panicked, clearly not sure which Scott was the real Scott. Not only that, he had little time to decide which one to save. Goodie, another reason to despise The Hood: not only has he put Alan through weeks of torment, now he’s forcing the kid to decide to either save his oldest brother and biggest hero or his personal torturer.

And Alan won’t know until he picks.

Holy hell, this was getting worse by the second. Hopefully, big brother charm can work its magic and get them the hell out of there.

“Alan, quickly, over here!”

“I can’t hold on for much longer, Alan, hurry!”

The two Scotts glared at one another in the exact same way, not making Alan’s job much easier. Another shake, another slip down the metal cliff, more screams, and Alan looked ready to tear his hair out. Scott watched as the kid looked around rapidly, probably praying for a miracle in the process. Suddenly, the kid jumped when he must have spotted something important. Within the blink of an eye, he was gone and out of their range of visions to retrieve it.

Whatever the hell he noticed better be important, because if just ended up wasting precious time then--

Another shake, probably the last one. Still, it was enough.

Both their grips gave away at the same time, screams identical (God, did he always sound that wimpy?) as they plummeted to their demises. Scott was briefly able to look up to see his brother pop his head over the cliff like a chipmunk again and grab the (albeit broken) arm of The Hood and save him. Dammit, Scott should have expected that, though, that display of anger was uncharacteristic to Alan. Probably terrified him even more than he already was. Fuck, Scott deser--

Suddenly, a rope wrapped itself around Scott’s left arm and stopped his descent. Hard. Hopefully, it was only torn stuff, they didn’t have time to deal with dislocation--

Wait.

Scott wasn’t dead if he could think about these kinds of things.

Blinking, he looked at his arm to see the familiar rope of his grappling hook around his forearm. Moving his eyesight to look past that, he saw the wide, blue eyes of his baby brother struggling to stay on top. The Hood was using his non-broken side to try and climb his way back up to safety. Huh, that’s weird. When did Alan get ahold of that? Scott must have dropped it during his scuffle with--

That’s when it hit Scott.

Alan saved them both.

Alan saved them both.

And it would be all for jack shit if Scott didn’t get his ass up there to help.

Panicking, Scott gripped the rope and started to ascend. He had two working arms and a smother complex to boot; it wasn’t long before he overtook a struggling Hood, who could only use one arm and a weakened brother (that bastard was so lucky Alan had a literal heart of gold).

Flinging his arms over the edge and pulling himself up-- and shrugging off the extra help Alan offered. Save your strength, baby bro-- Scott was in a much calmer search-and-destroy mode. He yanked his evil look-a-like up, turned him on his stomach, pinned him down, and before he could even watch Alan blink, “Sign something.”

There, now he watched Alan blink.

Scott pulled out one of his best ‘big brother’ smiles ever, “Tell me something in ASL. I don’t think The Hood learned that kind of etiquette.”

The body beneath him growled, making Alan jump and Scott tighten not only his hold but his glare. Further prove big brother’s point, why don’t cha? He lost the angry look immediately to grin at Alan once more, who seemed to be slowly getting the picture. With a gulp, the blonde slowly strung together a sentence that Scott had to laugh at, just a little bit.

Damn, could you teach me to fight like that, Scooter?

Nodding his head, Scott had to concede, “Sure. Consider it a graduation present.”

Alan blinked again, and the immense relief that washed over the boy’s shoulders would be enough to banish nightmares for at least a couple of days. Suddenly, The Hood’s disguise blinked out of existence, making both brothers jump that time. Scott didn’t falter in his grip, however. This man was going down right here and now, Scott thought darkly, staring at the prone body beneath his.

Scott saw Alan continue to sign out of the corner of his eye, You know you look like shit, right?

Scott chuckled. Alan was always able to put a smile on his face no matter the circumstances, “Yeah, well, kindred spirits, little bro.”

Scott was probably as pale as Alan was with such lack of sleep and food. Running on what was essentially a prolonged PTSD attack wasn’t healthy in the slightest, and no doubt whatever kind of bruises and scratches The Hood gave him didn’t help, however, seeing hope fill those deep-blue eyes when Alan learned he was truly being saved drowned everything out, including the way those freckles were getting lost in those eye bags.

Yeah, their entire family probably looked like shit, and the recovery process was going to be even shittier, but they were going to suffer through it together as a family would.

That made it all worth it.

Shuffling himself so one arm was free while the other kept The Hood pinned, Scott held it out towards Alan. The flinch the youngest made tore a hole in Scott’s heart that was only slightly patched when Alan leaned into the warmth and safety of his biggest bro. Long recovery process, remember? Regardless, Alan still took to the hug like a dehydrated zebra did a pond, and that was good enough for Scott.

The Hood groaned underneath them.

Yep, good enough.