#sometimes u have exactly two hobbies

[love-songs-for-emma]

i am Losing my mind at the ebay seller i just found who exclusively sells Bratz dolls and knives/handgun accessories

[honey-tongued-devil]

i Beg you i mean BEG YOU to do more chubby person x jinx or vi or something BECAUSE IM LITERALLY FATTT and i love the hcs

DROP ANOTHER ONE AND MY LIFE IS YOURS 🙇🏽‍♀️

[Arcane preference] with a chubby s/o pt.2- cuddle time

The second request of the week. Honestly, as someone who isn't exactly slim, I write these headcanons for those who ask me but primarily for myself. Requests are open, as usual, I ask for your patience because English is not my first language. I'll leave you the link if you'd like to follow me on Bluesky (I'll be posting Arcane content there soon as well, i want to build a 'public' meanwhile).

| Tip jar |

Jayce:

- Starting with the fact that this man is built like a wardrobe, and his clothes are already pretty roomy, he’s started buying even bigger shirts just to make sure you can borrow them, they’ll be oversized on you, and you’ll be happy.

- So when you’re at home watching a movie or cuddling in bed, he strokes your belly with a smile, pretending to be surprised.

- “Is that my shirt?”

- This himbo, who handles a hammer that weighs as much as a horse, means no arguments when it comes to cuddles: you’re sitting in his lap.

- And when things get a bit heated, he’ll hoist you up with your knees on his shoulders, pressing you against the wall just to flex his strength and remind you that it’s absolutely no problem for him.

- After the dirty deeds, expect him to bring you something to eat (and especially drink) in bed, and don’t expect to be able to say no. 

Viktor:

- When you’re relaxing on the couch, it takes a moment to find a position that’s comfortable for both of you: usually, he sits upright with one leg stretched out, the other (his weaker one) draped over yours, and you either facing him or lying on your side with your head on his shoulder.

- The focus here isn’t on clothes, but blankets. They’re all queen-size, so the two of you can wrap yourselves up as comfortably as possible during cuddles without anyone getting cold.

- And when you stand up with one draped around you like a cape, he can’t help but chuckle and call you “Your Majesty.”

- As for clothes, you’d never think he’s clued in to your needs, but then you see the socks he buys for you both: to avoid any circulation issues, he only buys soft cotton and wool socks without elastic, so even at home, you always have cozy socks that match the season, like festive holiday ones.

- His secret move? Sliding his hands between your thighs when they’re cold, and playing with the little rolls there, pinching them when you’re cuddling.

- In your most intimate moments, he stops to kiss and nip at your thighs, leaving little constellations of marks that he traces over with his fingertips in the days that follow.

Ekko:

- Cuddle time is sacred.

- If he walks into the room and sees you sprawled comfortably on the bed waiting for him, a bomb alert goes off in his head: he shuts the door and runs to gather everything he might need.

- Water, snacks, extra blankets, anything he can think of.

- When he gets back and shuts the door behind him, he has a ridiculous grin on his face, warning you that he’s about to pounce with a playful growl, as if to show you just how much he wants to nibble you.

- Ekko is a huge fan of having your knees on his shoulders while you lie down, rubbing his cheek against your calf, and kissing it while you’re busy squirming.

- His favorite hobby? Getting his head caught between your thighs and becoming “deaf.”

- He’s always the big spoon because he has to protect you, hug you, and nestle his arms and hands into every soft spot.

- After any wild night, expect breakfast in bed and a hot bath waiting for you.

Vander:

- Zaun has a dreadful climate because the smog creates a thick layer of heat, but being underground and surrounded by cold materials, temperatures can drop sharply. So sometimes he shows up with a blanket, hands you a corner, and asks you to hold it for a moment.

- As soon as you take it, he calmly wraps it around you, picks you up, and carries you over to the fireplace, keeping you wrapped like a burrito on his lap while he enjoys his pipe for half an hour.

- Because of the cold, intimacy often happens right there in the living room, in front of the fire. Sometimes, he’ll give you the armchair and kneel in front of you, or you’ll both find yourselves on the rug.

- He’s a good lover, but don’t expect him to do much after expending all that energy at his age. On a good day, he’ll be a gentleman and carry you to bed; then it will your turn to cuddle and soothe him with gentle strokes as he enjoys them with his eyes closed.

- If it’s not a good day, he’ll pull the blanket over both of you and set the guard in front of the fire, resigning himself to the fact that you’ll be sleeping cuddled up either on the chair, the sofa, or even on the rug.

- In exchange, the next day, he’ll make it up to you with a long, hot bath and a massage.

Silco:

- This man has money, and he knows how to use it well.

- When the cold sets in Zaun, your bedroom becomes a place you’d never want to leave. Fur rugs are laid out on either side of the bed, soft, warm robes in matching colors appear in the closet, and if you want to stay in your den waiting for him while he works without freezing, you can even light the in-room fireplace.

- After he finishes his work, he washes up, dons his robe, and heads straight to bed, sometimes he doesn't even waiting, and begins going over his paperwork under the blankets while he absently strokes your shoulder or hair.

- If you complain enough, he’ll carefully gather up the papers, set them aside, and hover over you to kiss your neck and collarbones, sliding your robe aside so his lean, wiry body can press against yours.

- He’s incredibly gentle in everything he does, from how he touches to how he kisses or nibbles. Every movement makes you shiver, but he remains composed. Occasionally, between kisses, the cold tip of his nose brushes your skin, making you giggle; he then returns to your lips, asking for forgiveness before continuing his slow exploration.

- He’s the type for wine and a cozy dinner under the covers, a break for cuddles, and then back to work.

- If you protest that you’re eating too much, he’ll feed you himself—no time for nonsense (but always with a touch of tenderness).

Jinx:

- The most chaotic thing Jinx does is cross out or draw over posters that show people who are too skinny. They can’t make you insecure if you don’t see them, and any excuse for vandalism is a good one.

- With the cold setting in, her hideout transforms into a true nest: a heap of clothes and fabrics covered in blankets and throws to make everything softer and warmer.

- Jinx has cold feet, but it’s not her problem—it’s yours. She’ll press them against your stomach, your back, and if you react, it’ll only get worse.

- She’ll start laughing, and it’ll become personal. The only way to fight back is with tickling, but that would be a declaration of war.

- When you both finally calm down, she’ll wrap herself around you, clinging with her whole body, inhaling your scent deeply, and digging her fingers into your side.

- Don’t expect too much delicacy in intimate moments; if she needs you to move, she’ll grab and pull you into whatever position is most comfortable for her. She holds your legs up, and handles you like you’re her personal doll.

- For her, this is princess treatment; and the effort she’s putting in is what counts.

Vi:

- She buries her face in your chest, first and foremost. Feeling sad? Face in your chest. Happy? Face in your chest. Deep in thought? You guessed it—face in your chest.

- Her go-to stress reliever is squeezing your thighs and hips.

- During cuddles, she rests your head on her shoulder, strokes your back, kisses your forehead, and speaks softly.

- She always plays with your hair, and if it’s long enough, you’ll find small braids everywhere.

- When you’re cuddling in bed, she’ll either hold you close or be the little spoon herself, with one hand in yours and fingers intertwined.

- When things get more intimate, she becomes completely dependent on you, pressing her fingers so deeply into your skin that they leave marks, as if even that isn’t enough and she wants to be inside you, to reach into your very core.

- She never imposes anything; if you don’t feel like washing up, she’ll clean you up with a warm cloth, and if you don’t feel like getting up, she’ll carry you. Whatever you want, she’ll go along with it unconditionally.

- Occasionally, she’ll climb over you, propping herself on her arms, just to steal a flurry of kisses.

Caitlyn:

- Caitlyn can cook, and she will.

- Her way of cuddling starts at the table, with an evening set up like a royal banquet. Anything you like will be there, along with sweet and savory snacks, which, if there are leftovers, she’ll take to the coffee table or the bedroom so you can enjoy them later.

- There’s no rush; if you want to go for a walk or relax after eating, it’s fine by her—she just wants to be with you. She might ask a housekeeper for a bit of help, or she’ll clean up on her own while you get ready.

- If you lie down in bed, she’ll absolutely take the chance to gently knead your stomach like a cat, making you laugh but also helping you fall asleep rather quickly.

- She’s the ultimate big spoon, nestling her face into the crook of your neck and holding you tightly.

- When things get more intimate, she loves to look you in the eyes while she touches you, so she can savor every reaction, every shiver, watching your body melt with every move she makes.

- She becomes mesmerized by the way your body ripples under her touch, like there’s an ocean beneath your skin.

Mel:

- The real issue with Mel is that the rich never have anything better to do, so morning, noon, and night, they’re constantly organizing events. Breakfast at a noble’s home, brunch with the councilors, and of course, everyone must dine together. Tea at five with the Kirammans is absolutely sacred, and dinner is a moment for sharing ideas.

- Intimacy is this strange, almost absurd thing, as though everything is designed to give you no second of solitude.

- But when she does find a moment, she sits down and signals you to come into her lap or rest against her, cuddling you, playing with your earlobes, and winding her fingers through your hair until your eyes cross.

- She prefers giving affection to receiving it, simply because it feels like the only way she truly knows how to show love.

- Only in the deepest intimacy does she allow herself to do less, to enjoy your presence lying with her, to let go of control.

- She adores the way your body moves artistically, like it follows lines painted in oil, and these are the few moments where she can fully admire you.

- She’s quite strict afterward. You must drink those two glasses of water, and as you get up, she’ll call for someone to change the sheets and make the bed, so by the time you’re done showering, everything is ready and perfect.

Sevika:

- Bluntly put? She works with the chem barons, who are mostly old, misogynistic men with monocles embedded in their skulls, grotesquely altered rats with spider-like mechanical limbs, a very interesting gang of women in latex with disturbing port attachments, people with mechanical noses that pump in toxic stuff directly, and other highly modified, not-so-pleasant characters.

- I mean, sure, you have every right to feel insecure, but when she tells you you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to her, she’s being quite literal.

- Her delight in the fact that not only are you entirely flesh and blood but actually soft flesh is beyond words—she feels like she’s hit the jackpot with a premium relationship.

- There’s hardly a moment when she’s not touching you, holding your arms or cheeks in her hands, or kissing your skin.

- During cuddles, she prefers you on top of her, and if she’s calm and has enough time, she’ll even remove her arm.

- It’s a controversial choice, but she doesn’t want to be around you while wearing a weapon, and she doesn’t want you to see her the way she sees the chem barons. It’s almost a moral decision on her part.

- In bed, she can hold you easily with just one arm; she’s strong, it’s not an issue for her. But first and foremost, she wants to lie down with you, feel your soft arms, your chest, your waist where she can let herself sink in, and when you laugh because she’s tickling you, she kisses you.

- For her, the hardest part isn’t functioning with one less limb but letting herself appear calm, not on the defensive, even vulnerable.

- But she doesn’t regret it for a single second.

[rollingsins]

Quinn Bailey Must Die

P1 | P2 | P3

summary: Quinn Bailey is yours and Tara's man-eating, sexed up, horn-dog roommate. She's cool at first, you think. Until she sets her sights on Tara. 

warnings: (+18), Tara is Ghostface, language.

word count: 6.6k

a/n: set in the all hers universe, just a lil (big) one shot. love u guys, as always let me know your thoughts, always makes my day :))

Quinn Bailey is - to put it lightly - an absolute pain in your ass. 

New York City is expensive. 

College is expensive. 

And despite your parents' assistance and you and Tara both working part time jobs, it just isn’t feasible for you to get your own place in the city. 

So you’d put an ad in the paper. Found Quinn. She’d seemed fun at first - lively. The type of girl you’d want to be friends with in a new city like this. A tried and true party girl, glimmering like a jewel in a sea of dreary faces. 

But her sparkle had lasted all of three weeks. 

First it was the dishes. 

She left them piled up in the sink, unattended. For days, sometimes weeks. 

A little pet peeve of yours, but it wasn’t anything major. 

It had nothing on the men. 

They were like a revolving door. An entire roster of bodies to keep her warm. 

Short men. Tall men. Thin men, muscular men. Men with beards. Men without. Pretty men, sometimes, even ugly men. 

If he lived in the tri-state area and had a penis - likely he’d seen the inside of your apartment (and your roommate). 

But really, you’re not in the position to complain. 

You and Tara weren’t exactly known for having quiet sex, and of all the people you’d lived with, Quinn seemed to mind it the least. 

Maybe, looking back, that should have been the first warning sign. 

“I don’t know,” Quinn sighs one night over a glass of wine. Tara’s curled up in your arms, nursing her own glass as you play with her hair, “Sometimes I think I should just give them all up.” 

“Men?” You ask, furrowing your brow. You laugh a little at the thought, “I don’t know Quinn, outside of partying, men are your biggest hobby.” 

It’s not intended as a slight, and Quinn doesn’t take it as one. She throws a coy smile your way. 

“I don’t know, you two have just got me thinking lately,” She says, “I’ve never considered girls before. I mean, I like dick. A lot. But maybe dick isn’t everything.” 

“Poetic,” You say, an eyebrow raised. 

Men or women, it didn’t really matter who Quinn bought home. You’d have to wear your noise canceling headphones regardless. 

But Tara’s shifting in your arms, sitting up. Then, she narrows her eyes at Quinn.  

Like she’s scanning her for a potential threat. 

Although therapy had quietened some of Tara’s more jealous tendencies, it hadn’t gotten rid of them completely. Now, instead of stabbing - she chooses staring. 

You rub her arm, your quiet signal there are no threats here. 

“Besides,” Quinn says, throwing her hair back, “A chick can just strap one on, right? And it never goes soft. Maybe that’s an upgrade.” 

Tara’s tense against you. 

Quinn looks over at her, and suddenly notices the death glare she’s receiving. She pinches her eyebrows, a little confused. 

“What’s got you all worked up?” Quinn asks, with another flick of her hair. Her eyes widen, “Oh? You think I’m trying to make a play for your girl?” 

She leans back and lets out a loud laugh. 

“Chill Tara, if I was going to go for either of you, it wouldn’t be her.” 

And then it’s your turn to stare. 

Your hand freezes over Tara’s arm. A hot, familiar feeling of jealousy seeps through you, settles deep within your bones. 

Quinn catches your gaze and rolls her eyes. 

“Girls,” She says, exasperated, “You’re not the only pussy-lickers in town. Relax, okay?”

Tara leans back into you, seemingly placated. 

Quinn tilts her head, and downs the rest of her wine. She picks up her phone to call some other nameless man, no doubt to terrorize the two of you within the next half an hour. 

The conversation is over. 

But the jealousy bubbling under your skin doesn’t simmer down. And suddenly,  it’s the only thing you can think about. 

-

“What did she mean by that?” You agonize to Liv and Chad, a little later. 

You’re in the NYU quad, picking at your salad with a plastic fork. Tara’s in class, giving you more than enough time to stew on the conversation with Quinn. 

Chad slurps on his milkshake, seemingly unbothered. 

“She was just being friendly, YN, I wouldn’t read into it.” Says Chad, mouth open and full of food. 

Liv turns to him. Smacks his arm, a little too hard. 

“Friendly?” She says, voice shrill, “Friendly?” 

Chad blinks back at her, but she’s turning to you.  

“YN, she was not being friendly, don’t listen to him. Boys are so stupid.” 

“Hey-“ Interjects Chad, but Liv ignores him. She takes your arm. 

“She’s making a play for Tara, YN,” She says, a little urgently, “Girls do this. We like to play with our food before we eat it. She was scoping out Tara’s reaction before she put the moves on her for real.” 

You furrow your brow. 

“You think?” 

“I know,” Says Liv, “How do you think I got Chad?” 

Chad looks over to her, a little owlish. 

“Huh?” He says, creasing his forehead, “I asked you out, babe.” 

Liv shoots him a look. 

“You asked me out after I spent two weekends at your house asking for Mario Kart lessons.” 

Chad’s eyes widen. 

“You said that was so you could beat your brother!” 

Liv gives you a look. 

“Women are masterminds, YN. Watch the fuck out.” 

-

Liv’s comments ring in the back of your mind for the rest of the day. 

Now that you think about it, Quinn had been lounging about the house lately in scantily clad outfits. 

Sleep shorts that rose almost up to her hips. Tiny tank tops that were almost see through. She giggled a little too hard at Tara’s jokes, gushed over Tara’s cooking as if Tara was Gordon Ramsey himself. 

You’re starting to see it. 

Quinn liked her conquests. 

Men were easy, women a little harder - but for a girl who liked to conquer, who better than Tara? 

Your sweet, loving, loyal and devoted girlfriend. 

Prying Tara away from you wouldn’t be child’s play. 

Truly the Mount Everest of conquests. 

“What’s wrong baby?” Tara asks you a little later, after you’d spent half the night glaring at Quinn. 

She’d been traipsing around all afternoon in a pair of black panties and an old t-shirt, an outfit that wouldn’t have made you think twice about it a few days ago. 

But it’s different now. 

Liv’s words ring loud in your head, “Women are masterminds, YN.” 

You don’t respond, instead dropping a soapy pot to the countertop and watching as Quinn disappears into her bedroom, her phone pressed to her ear. 

Tara snakes her arms around your waist, pressing a gentle kiss to the back of your neck. 

“Babe?” Tara prompts. 

“Nothing,” You mumble. You’re in your own head now, half afraid if you say it out loud it will become true. 

You feel Tara’s pout against your shoulder. 

“Something’s wrong, you barely said anything when I tried to get you to watch Saw III,” She says, turning you in her arms. 

She raises an eyebrow to punctuate her point. 

“And you hate gore movies.” 

“I like movies that make you happy,” You lie. 

Tara furrows her brow. 

“Okay, something is definitely wrong,” She says. She stands on her tip toes and presses the softest kiss to your cheeks, “Tell me babe, what is it?” 

You bite your lip. 

Tara is your girlfriend, you reason after a moment of hesitation, and if anyone were to understand jealousy - it would be her. 

You sigh and loop your arms around Tara’s waist. 

“Is Quinn… do you think she’s acting weird?” 

Tara frowns. 

“No weirder than usual.” 

“It’s just…” you chew your lip, “I think she might.. be into you, babe.” 

Tara shoots you a look. 

“I don’t think so,” She says. She leans up and presses a kiss to your lips, “She has a pretty solid roster of dudes to keep her entertained.” 

She brushes a stand of hair out of your face, “Is that what’s bothering you, baby? You know you have nothing to worry about. I only have eyes for you.” 

It placates you for only a moment. 

Of course you don’t have anything to worry about. Tara adores you. Tara’s killed for you. Tara loves you with every fiber of her being. 

It’s just… 

Quinn is pretty. So pretty. 

Tara had fallen hard and fast for you, who’s to say she couldn’t fall the same way for someone else? 

And then the dread is back. 

“It’s just… Liv said-“ 

Tara groans. 

“Babe, don’t worry about what Liv has said. She barely knows the days of the week.” 

“But she knows how to get guys,” You say, a little pointed. 

Tara tilts her head. Her eyes are warm, the softest smile on her lips. 

“I’m not a guy,” Tara promises. She nuzzles her nose against yours, “Quinn could parade around here naked doing backflips and I wouldn’t look twice at her. You know that, babe.” 

You do know that. 

And so you let Tara press warm kisses into your neck and drag you back to the bedroom. 

Make sure to moan a little louder than usual just to remind Quinn exactly who Tara belongs to. 

-

It doesn’t work. 

Because of course, why would it work? 

The barrage of men flitting in and out of Quinn’s room comes to a screeching halt. She’s celibate for almost a week, focusing all her sexual energy on your girlfriend. 

It’s subtle, in the masterful kind of way Liv described. 

“Man,” She sighs loudly, one morning from her spot at the kitchen counter, “Tara, do you think you could help me on this paper for film class? I have to write a paper on iconic women in horror.” 

Tara springs to action, charging away from you like this is her sole purpose in life: to share her catalog of benign horror knowledge to any pretty girl who looks her way. 

You fold your arms, unhappily. 

“Start with Ellen Ripley,” Tara commands, before she even sits down. Quinn begins typing, madly. Tara pulls up a chair next to Quinn’s, leaning in a respectful distance to peer down at Quinn’s screen.  

“Signorney Weaver’s impact on horror is maybe one of the things that made me interested in horror to begin with.”

“I didn’t know that,” Quinn coos. She touches Tara’s arm, only slightly, leaning in until their shoulders brush, “That’s so cute, Tara.” 

Tara draws back, clearing her throat. 

“When you’re done with Sigourney, maybe touch on Jamie-Lee-Curtis.” 

Quinn blinks over at her, eyes round, like an innocent doe. 

You know better. 

Your eyes narrow as you stand, reaching for your purse. 

“Baby,” You remind Tara, leaning over to touch her back, “We need to get groceries today. Before Sam comes to visit.”

Quinn’s schoolgirl act drops immediately. Her eyes frost over slightly as she looks over at you, only the tiniest twinge of irritation apparent. 

“Maybe you could do that later, YN?” She asks, voice tilted, “I have to get this paper done before tonight.” 

“Sorry,” You flash her the mildest smile, not sorry at all, “Tara’s sister is coming all the way from California. We need to get the place ready, right babe?”

Tara nods, turning to Quinn to shrug.  

“Google should be able to help,” She says, scooting off her chair and grabbing her coat, “Carrie’s a great film too, if you’re in a pinch.”

“Well, maybe you can help me when you get back?” Quinn asks, a slight pout on her lip as she looks at Tara. 

Your eyes narrow, but Tara nods, helpfully. 

“Sure.” 

-

Naively, you’d hoped Quinn would get bored with this little game she’d started. 

Her attention span is short, you’d reasoned, as soon as she’d figured out Tara isn’t returning any of her flirty looks or comments, she’d get bored. 

You’d been wrong. 

If anything, Tara’s lack of interest only seems to spur Quinn on more. 

Most of your classes are in the mornings, Tara’s in the afternoon. Tara walks you to class, leaves you with a soft kiss and an “I love you”, but you know Quinn doesn’t work until the evenings, and it’s just her and Tara alone in that tiny little apartment for hours on end. 

So you toil in your classes. Imagine the worst. 

Tara and Quinn, sitting side by side, watching horror movies. Quinn touches her arm, then her thigh, leaning in to kiss her. 

Tara bats her away, most times you think about it. But sometimes she doesn’t. Sometimes she lets herself be kissed. Sometimes she lets Quinn touch her, undress her. Fuck her. 

And those sometimes become all you can think about. 

This is a new challenge, one that has rarely surfaced in your relationship. 

Tara is so enamored with you, most people don’t even bother attempting to seduce her. But Quinn isn’t most people, she’s persistent and pretty and maybe Tara isn’t a guy, but that doesn’t mean she can’t fall for the same traps a lot of them do. 

A sticky hot, honey-trap by the name of Quinn Bailey. 

“What are you doing?” You ask, a little stern when you walk into the apartment that afternoon. Tara’s curled up onto the couch, blanket wrapped around her. Quinn’s hovering over her, the back of her hand pressed against Tara’s forehead. 

A prickle settles down the back of your spine. Your jaw clenches. 

But Tara doesn’t even look over, just nuzzles herself deeper into her blanket. 

“Tara isn’t feeling well, poor baby.” Quinn coos. 

You drop your bag, ignore the rageful little demon in you that wants to bat Quinn’s hand away and fall to your girlfriend's side. The tip of Tara’s nose is red, and her lips are chapped. As she blinks up at you, you notice her eyes are hazy. 

“Honey,” You say, all thought of Quinn gone as you press your lips to Tara’s cheek, “Why didn’t you call?” 

“It’s nothing, just a cold,” Says Tara, but she curls into your side anyway. You press a gentle kiss to her clammy forehead and rub her arm. Quinn disappears into the kitchen, returning with a small bowl. 

“I made her some tea,” Says Quinn, “And some soup from scratch.” 

You blink up at her. You’ve never seen Quinn cook anything in her life. She’s all Deliveroo and fruit roll ups and toast. But the kitchen sink is awash with stray noodles and dirty pots. The smell of soup lingers. 

“Thanks Quinn,” Tara murmurs, reaching out to take the bowl from her hands, “You didn’t have to do that.” 

The angry, jealous demon is back. Quinn’s smile is unsettling, almost triumphant. 

As if she’s out-girlfriend-ed you. 

You swallow the urge to punch her in the throat. 

“No, you didn’t.” You say, warily, “Tara’s allergic to MSG, you didn’t put any of that in it, did you?” 

Quinn shakes her head, her smile coy. 

“All natural, only the best for our girl.” Quinn says, and then squeezes Tara’s shoulder. 

You glare as she cleans up the dirty plates and contemplate homicide for the rest of the evening. 

-

When Tara’s feeling better, you’ll bring it up, you reason with yourself the next morning. 

Quinn Bailey is becoming a pest, a horned up sex-pest determined to get her claws in your girlfriend. 

It has to stop. 

The solution? 

This is where you’re a little stuck. You don’t know the solution. Strangling Quinn sounds great on paper, but not so much in practice. 

Dead people don’t pay rent, that’s the only thing you know for sure.

You contemplate this over the next couple of days, between wrestling a hot water bottle for Tara out of Quinn’s hands, and almost jogging down to the corner store at the end of your block to beat Quinn for the tylenol. 

Tara’s such a baby when she’s sick, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d think she’s starting to enjoy this. Two women fawning over her, competing for who can nurse her the best. 

And the worst part is, Quinn knows exactly what she’s doing and she wants you to know it. 

She doesn’t say it, not outright, too smart to play her hand too quickly. 

She grins as she spoonfeds Tara some leftover soup, flashes you a look as she dabs Tara’s sweaty forehead with a damp cloth. 

She raises an eyebrow at you as Tara croaks out to her, asking for more tissues. 

It makes you stew. 

It makes you want to grab the kitchen knife out of the top draw and slam it through her stupid neck.

It makes you want to grab her by the hair and throw her out of the window of your seventh story apartment. 

But you resist. 

Let her think she’s winning. 

It’ll make the victory you claw from her hands all the more sweet. 

Tara’s feeling better a few days later, and with her recovery comes the first taste of victory. 

Quinn’s making dinner in the kitchen - her newfound passion being culinary for your girlfriend. She hums a little, flitting between batting her eyelashes at Tara and shooting knowing glances in your direction. 

“Tara,” She says, just as she’s about to pour the tomato paste into the pasta “I can’t get this jar open. Can you help me?” 

Tara’s busy with her laptop, but she moves over regardless. She touches your shoulder lightly as she passes, and reaches out to take the jar from Quinn’s hand. 

It pops open immediately. You roll your eyes. 

Quinn beams, and as you look up, she’s running her hand over your girlfriend’s bicep. 

“You’re so strong,” She flirts, brazenly, “Thanks Tara.” 

Tara moves back to her laptop, unperturbed. 

When it comes to attention towards her she has always been oblivious. You let out a growl so low, no-one but you hears it. 

“Dinner’s up, Tara,” Quinn says, a few moments later, pulling out a couple of plates. 

You peer down at your book, suddenly very interested in the words. When Quinn had asked you your plans for the evening - grocery bags in hand - you’d neglected to tell her Tara had asked you out to dinner. 

Tara blinks over at her, a little confused. 

“Dinner?” She asks, closing the lid of her laptop. 

“Yeah,” Says Quinn with a sickly smile, “I made your favorite.” 

Tara tilts her head, “Oh. Sorry, Quinn, we’re going out tonight. I didn’t realize you were cooking for us.” 

Quinn stares a moment. 

“That’s fine,” She says, voice a little clipped, “Only, I asked YN and she said you guys were around.” 

You close your book and stand, grabbing your coat. 

“Oh yeah,” You say, smacking your hand to your head, as if you’d suddenly forgotten, “Dinner. I am so sorry, Quinn. Gosh, I am so forgetful sometimes.” 

Tara peers over at you, a little confused. 

Oblivious idiot when it comes to girls, yes, but not with you. You see the question in her eyes and neglect to answer it. 

Quinn’s eyes harden, but she doesn’t dare give up the jig. Not in front of Tara.

“It’s fine,” She says, “Maybe you can have it for lunch.” 

“Yeah, maybe,” Tara says, a little absent minded as you wrap her jacket around her shoulders. 

You can tell she feels bad by the way she lingers. 

“We haven’t had a date night in a while, that’s all,” Tara explains. She wraps an arm around your waist and squeezes your hip, “Besides, I owe this one a dinner for taking such good care of me these last couple of days.” 

She presses a soft kiss to your lips, her brown eyes warm and shimmering. 

You can’t help the smile that snakes across your lips. 

Quinn crosses her arms, looking unhappy. 

“I seem to remember taking pretty good care of you,” She says, drawing Tara’s gaze, “Maybe you should be taking me out to dinner, too.” 

Tara’s eyebrows knit in confusion. She looks at you, a little helpless, like she’s suddenly aware she’s caught in a chess match she wasn’t aware she was playing. 

Bless her. 

Your poor, sweet, unsuspecting girlfriend. 

You squeeze her hand, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. 

“

“Did you get the feeling Quinn’s mad at me?” She asks, “Maybe we should have invited her to dinner. She did make me a lot of soup.” 

You tilt your wine glass to your lips, needing the rush of the alcohol to get you through this conversation. 

When you set it down, Tara’s blinking back at you, with wide, brown eyes. 

“Remember what we talked about a couple of weeks ago, babe?” You say, “About my conversation with Liv.” 

Tara nods. 

“And have you noticed it, this past couple of weeks?” You prompt, “Quinn flirting with you?” 

Tara tilts her head. 

“No.” 

“Tara, she touched your arm and called you strong,” You say, pinching the bridge of your nose. Quinn had gone to work earlier that day, blown a kiss goodbye to Tara as she’d left. 

Made sure you’d seen it. 

Tara shrugs, “I’ve been in the gym, babe, I’m getting stronger.”

She flexes her bicep. 

“Look, babe, that’s all muscle.” She says, proudly. 

“That’s not the point, Tara,” You say, “She’s flirting with you. She’s been flirting with you all week.” 

Tara frowns. 

“She has?” She asks, looking a little perplexed. 

Then, she pouts. 

“So she was just complimenting my lasagne because she wanted to sleep with me?” She says, looking put out, “I thought she really liked my new recipe.” 

“Forget about the lasagne, Tara, this is not okay.” You say, “How would you feel if she were hitting on me?”

Tara frowns. 

“Not good,” She admits, “Bad. Really, really bad.” 

You sigh, dropping your fork onto your plate. 

“She’s going to have to go,” You tell Tara, “If she can’t respect our relationship, she can get the fuck out.” 

Tara bites her lip. 

“Okay, babe,” She says, a little wary, “It’s just… rent is due next month and I don’t know how easy it’s going to be to replace her.”

She squeezes your hand, a little hasty as she sees the look on your face. 

“I’ll talk to her,” Tara says, leaning up to kiss you, “I’ll remind her I’m taken and not interested. And if she still tries it after that, she goes. How’s that, babe?” 

-

Tara’s talk with Quinn happens a little later. 

You climb into bed, head tilted as you hear the quiet murmur of their voices down the hall. It doesn’t sound heated, and you hear Quinn giggling as she tells Tara goodnight. 

You frown as Tara enters the room. 

“It’s just a misunderstanding, baby,” She says as she climbs into bed, pressing a kiss to your shoulder, “She doesn’t like me. She told me she’s just been a little clingier than usual because we’re her only friends.” 

“Babe-“ You start with a huff, ready to climb out of bed but Tara’s hands grip around your waist. 

“I know, I know, babe.” She assures, pressing another quick kiss to your neck, “I know you think it’s all bullshit so I told her straight up. I told her I’m in love with you and if she tries anything we’ll kick her straight out.” 

You frown, turning in her arms, “Really?” 

“Really.” Tara says, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips, “And I promise to keep my distance, okay babe? She can flirt until the cows come home, it’s going to fall on deaf ears.” 

She snuggles into your chest, soothing your hammering heartbeat with a kiss. 

“I love you. Only you.” 

-

True to her word, Tara goes out of her way to avoid Quinn. 

Gone are their cozy little sessions on the couch watching horror movies. Tara refuses Quinn’s cooking, turns down each of Quinn’s requests to hang out, or help her with homework, or whatever other brainless task Quinn can think of to get them to spend time together. 

The rental market is fucked, you discover in the interim. 

No way can you and Tara afford to move out, and even if Quinn did leave, it could take months to replace her. 

“No,” Mindy says, point blank when you ask her, “Not unless you and Tara swear to a vow of celibacy.” 

You sigh, unhappily. 

“Great,” You say, slumping back into your seat, “We’re going to be stuck with her forever.” 

Mindy looks over at you, taking a little pity on you. 

“Why don’t you ask Chad and Liv?” She suggests, “They won’t be able to hear you fuck over Liv’s soap operas anyway.” 

“I already asked,” You say, voice gloomy, “They’re in a two year contract.” 

Mindy shoots you a sympathetic smile. 

“You’ll find someone,” She says, “You just need to put some feelers out there.” 

And so you do. 

You spend the morning in class writing up the ad. You’ll put in the paper tomorrow, you figure. 

When you get home, ready to avoid Quinn and spend a night snuggling in bed with Tara, Tara’s already at the door. 

“Hey babe,” Tara says, bouncing up to greet you with a kiss. She smiles, lowering her voice, “Missed you. Wanna shower with me?” 

You smile and kiss her. 

“You know we can’t,” You say, regretfully, “Last time we used up all the hot water.” 

“So let’s have a cold shower,” She suggests, her smile turning into a leer, “I’ve got other ways to warm you up.” 

“Izzie, how are you? It’s been ages!” Quinn sounds from the living room. Your smile drops - you didn’t realize she was home. Tara notices your face shift, and rubs your hip, comfortingly. 

“She’s been good, babe, I promise,” Tara says, “Are you sure you don’t want to shower with me?” 

“I’ll start dinner,” You say, leaning in to kiss her quickly, “You go, baby.” 

Quinn’s in the living room, lounging across the couch when you enter. 

“Yeah, I’ve never done it before,” Says Quinn. If she’s noticed you in the kitchen, she doesn’t acknowledge you. She kicks her shoes off and lays back into the couch, twirling her hair between her fingers. 

“I just can’t stop thinking about it. You know? I really want to try it.” 

You pull a few potatoes from the bag and pull out a knife. 

Just a little while longer, you think, trying to stop yourself from glancing over. Just a few more weeks of her and then you’d never have to see her again. 

Quinn looks over, catching your eye. 

As if she can tell you’re thinking about her. 

And then, she smiles. 

“I met a guy last night, took him home because he looked a little bit like her. Dark hair, dark eyes, short.” She says, her voice dropping to a quiet murmur, “Fucked his brains out imaging it was her on top of me. Inside me. And she will be. Soon.” 

She’s looking right at you. Her voice is a low taunt, daring you to take the bait. 

And you fall for it. 

Hook, line and sinker. 

You slam the knife to the kitchen counter, cheeks flushing red. 

“That’s it,” You growl as you launch at her, “You’re fucking dead, do you hear me?” 

Quinn stares a moment, her jaw slacking. 

As if she hadn’t realized her taunting would finally come to fruition. 

In the form of you launching to grab at the end of her hair. 

You tug at it, hard, determined to make the end of your fist meet the slant of her chin. She squeals, dropping her phone as you tug her towards you. 

“YN,” She cries, “Stop it, you’re fucking crazy-” 

“You think this is funny?” You growl, letting go of her hair to shove her back against the couch. You swing at her - and miss - and you know you must look crazed. All wild eyes, red-faced, three weeks of taunting finally setting you over the edge, “ You think trying to sleep with my girlfriend is a game?” 

“Tara!” Quin screams as you launch at her once more, “Tara, help!” 

Tara’s name on Quinn’s lips - if possible, just makes you angrier. You lunge over the couch, but she stands, squealing as she ducks your advances. 

You hear the bathroom door slam, and a flash of dark hair before you turn to see Tara, soaking wet, towel pressed around her torso. Her hair is soapy with shampoo and she looks dismayed as she looks at the sight in front of her. 

Quinn screaming like a child and you feral. Grabbing for her with all your might. 

“Baby?” She says, sounding scandalized, “What are you doing?” 

Quinn lets out a sob. Teary-eyed, she barrels over to Tara and stands behind her, grabbing at Tara’s arms as if she’s her knight in shining armor. 

“She’s attacking me, Tara,” Quinn blubbers out through her crocodile tears, “Make her stop, please.” 

“Oh, give it a rest, would you?” You say, voice harsh, “Tears? Really? Why don’t you tell Tara what you were saying about her on the phone, huh? Why don’t you be honest for once in your fucking life and tell her what you’ve been trying to do this entire time.” 

“I was talking about a girl from my Chemistry class,” Quinn says, as if you’re crazy, “Her name is Charlotte, I wasn’t talking about Tara.” 

“Oh, bullshit,” You scoff, “Just admit it. You’ve been all over Tara from day one.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, you crazy bitch,” Quinn says, “Look, just because you’re insecure, doesn’t mean I’m trying to sleep with your girlfriend.” 

“Enough,” Growls Tara. She wrenches her hand away from Quinn, turning to round on her. The anger within you dissipates slightly. You swallow as you’ve realized Quinn has inadvertently awoken The Rage. 

“Don’t you dare talk to her like that,” Tara says, her voice hot, “Don’t you fucking dare.” 

Quinn blinks at her. 

“Tara, it’s fine,” You say, hurriedly, “Babe, leave it.” 

And as much as you want to see Quinn get punched in the face, you don’t want The Rage to be the one to do it. 

You’d paid for too much therapy to see that fucker unleashed again. 

“Apologize,” Tara demands, her eyes flashing, “Apologize to her now.” 

You reach for Tara’s hand, tug her back towards you, out of Quinn’s reach. Her heart is racing,  her shoulders tight. You press your lips to her shoulder in an effort to soothe her. 

Quinn’s face contorts. You half think she’s about to spit right in your face. Maybe take a swing at you of her own. But then her face softens. 

“I’m sorry, YN,” She says, voice silky sweet, “It really was a misunderstanding. I think we’ve got off on the wrong foot. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like I was trying to take your girlfriend from you. I’m not, I promise.” 

She sounds sincere, but you see right through her. 

“Alright,” Tara says, though her shoulders are still tight, “Good. Now I’m going to finish my shower, and the two of you are not going to kill each other. Right?” 

Quinn nods, solemnly. 

“Bedroom,” You tell Tara, “Now.” 

-

“She’s going,” Is the first thing you say as Tara shuts the door. You’re pacing back and forth, your skin burning hot and red, “She’s fucking gone, Tara. I mean it this time. I don’t care if we have to sleep on Mindy’s couch for the next three years, I am not spending another second with her-” 

Tara rubs her eyes. They’re a little red, stained with unwashed shampoo. 

“Baby, why don’t you sit down for a bit?” She suggests, “Look at you, you’re all worked up.” 

You turn to stare her down, anger flashing through your features. 

“She was talking about fucking you, Tara,” You hiss, “Right in front of me. She was talking about how she wanted you inside her.” 

Tara moves a little closer, trying to touch your arm. You shake her off to continue your pacing. 

“You’re mine,” You seethe, “I don’t know what part of that is so hard for her to understand.” 

“Baby-” Tara starts. 

“You’re not talking me out of this, Tara,” You snap, “I want her gone. Tonight.” 

Tara catches your arm. She draws you in for a long kiss. 

She’s trying to settle you down. 

It works.  

“I’m yours,” She says, softly, “Like I already told you, you don’t have to worry about her.” 

“You promised, Tara,” You say, voice agonized, “You promised if she tried anything else she’d be gone. And I swear to god, Tara - if you try to take her side-“  

Tara shushes you with another kiss. 

Then she draws back, her voice soft. 

“Of course I’m not going to take her side, sweetheart,” Tara says, “I’m your girlfriend. I’m always on your side. She’s going. You don’t have to ask twice.” 

This relaxes you a little. Tara presses another lingering kiss to your lips. 

“Like hell we’re sleeping on Mindy’s couch, though,” Tara says, crinkling her brow, “Sam can lend us the money. She won’t mind.” 

Sam might mind. 

But it’s really the least of your worries. 

“Thank you,” You say, sighing as you lean into Tara’s chest. 

Tara squeezes your shoulders. 

“Let me finish my shower,” She says, “And then I’ll talk to her.” 

She eyes you, warily. 

“Maybe you should take a walk or something, babe,” She says, after a moment of hesitation. She brushes your cheek, “You’re all red in the face.” 

You frown. 

“If you think I’m leaving you here with that sexed-up-piranha-” You start with a growl, and Tara draws her arms back around your shoulders. 

“Alright, alright,” She concedes, “It’s okay, babe, we’ll do it together.” 

But by the time Tara’s out of the shower, Quinn is long gone. 

You spend the night seething, not even Tara’s gentle kisses enough to coax you out of your mood.

In the morning, you hunt through the apartment like a lion hungry for its prey but she’s nowhere in sight. 

She’s stupid enough to try you, but not so stupid enough to hang around for the fallout. 

When you head off to class, Tara reassures you with a gentle squeeze of your hand.

“She’ll be back here at some point,” Tara says, “As soon as I see her I’ll tell her to pack her bags.”

Economics flashes by in a rage-filled trance. You don’t even bother with your marketing paper. You’re worked up. 

You just want her gone. 

And so you skip the rest of your morning classes and head home.

You don’t bother smiling at the doorman, fish your keys out of your pocket in a grump. 

When you get to the door, you tilt your key in the lock, fiddling around to pry the door open. 

And then you hear it. 

A cry - it’s Tara, and then you hear Quinn. She’s squealing again. You blink. Your mind runs rampant with the possibilities. 

Tara with her knife, plowing through Quinn with the kind of ire only The Rage can bring. 

Tara grunts, and it’s familiar. Your stomach lurches. You might be sick. 

You know that grunt. 

The indicator Tara might be plowing Quinn in a much different fashion. 

Betrayal sinks deep within your veins. You fumble with the door, almost pry it off its hinges in your effort to barge through it. 

It swings open, and the lump in your throat grows with the thought of what you might find on the other side of the door. 

But what you see isn’t what you expect. 

You blink. 

Nothing could have prepared you for the sight in front of you. 

“Tara,” You hiss as your jaw drops, “What are you doing?” 

Tara has Quinn in a firm grip. Her legs are wrapped tight around Quinn’s waist, she has Quinn’s head between her arms in a chokehold. Quinn’s eyes are wide. She struggles desperately against Tara’s grip, eyes bulging as she tries to wrangle her way out. 

The scene in front of you would be comical, if it weren’t real. 

But it’s very real. 

Quinn looks over to you the moment Tara does. 

The sound of your voice is her escape. 

Tara turns to you, grip lessening only slightly as she realizes your presence. Her brown eyes widen, the way they do when she knows she’s in trouble. 

Quinn pulls herself out of Tara’s grip with a heavy gasp, almost shoving Tara to the floor. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Quinn says, voice high as she stands, “Are you actually serious right now?” 

“Explain, Tara,” You say, voice flat, “Now.” 

Tara looks over to you, eyes wide. She splutters as she speaks. 

“She tried to kiss me, babe,” Tara says, voice aghast, “She tried to kiss me and I didn’t know what else to do.” 

Quinn’s breathing heavily. 

She’s scary like this. Thundering over Tara’s tiny frame like she might snap her in two. 

“I throw myself at you and your first reaction is karate?” Quinn says to Tara. Her eyes are wild. She’s pissed, “What the hell is wrong with you?” 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Tara fires back, “I have a girlfriend.” 

You throw your bag to the ground. The heavy, unsettled feeling that’s stayed with you for the last three weeks is boiling. If Quinn doesn’t leave now, there’s no telling what you’ll do next. 

“Get out,” You tell Quinn, “You don’t live here anymore. Get your shit and go.” 

Quinn doesn’t move. 

“Get out,” You insist, “Before I kill you myself.” 

Quinn shoots an angry look at Tara, before redirecting it at you. 

“Fine,” She says, “You two deserve each other. Fucking Jackie Chan and Princess Prissy-”

“Out.” You snap as she grabs her purse. 

She shoots you an angry glare. 

“You can forget about rent,” She sneers, “And good luck finding someone else to live in this shitty apartment.” 

Your palms are sweating as she slams the front door shut. 

Tara looks up at you, eyes still wide, a little sheepish as you close in on her. 

“I didn’t kiss her babe, I swear,” Tara promises, leaning up to grab your hands, “She leaned in and I grabbed her before she could get close.” 

“I know you didn’t, babe,” You say after a long moment. Your voice softens. You brush her dark hair out of her eyes, “I know.” 

She’s quiet a moment. 

“I’m sorry that we didn’t kick her out sooner,” She says, “I really did just think she was trying to be my friend.” 

You sigh. Tilt your face to hers. 

“I know, babe,” You say, then you snort, “I can’t believe you put her in a headlock. Sam’s going to love that.” 

Tara pouts.

“She deserved it,” She says, “And speaking of Sam…” 

She looks up at her, eyes shimmering. 

“I talked to her about the rent,” Tara murmurs after a moment, “She agreed to help us out.” 

“Oh?” You say. A spark of hope sears deep within your chest. 

Tara bites her lip, “There’s a catch, though. She’s going to come live with us until we find a new roommate.” 

“Oh.” You say with a frown. 

“You’re not mad, are you?” Tara asks, a little hesitant, “I’d tell her no, but we’re really in a pinch, babe.” 

“It’s fine,” You say, after a moment, “I don’t mind living with Sam.” 

Tara hums. She leans in close against you. 

“And hey,” You nudge her, trying to keep the mood light, “At least I don’t have to worry about Sam trying to get into your pants.” 

Tara wrinkles her nose. 

You laugh. 

Lean down to kiss her, deep. 

Fuck you Quinn Bailey, you can’t help but think. 

You hope she enjoyed her little game.

Because when it comes to Tara, you never lose.

[talesofesther]

you're all I want love to be

Tara Carpenter x Reader

Summary: Tara is still afraid to allow people close, to allow herself to trust again. Until she finds someone who makes it easier.

A/N: The idea for this was also given to me by my dear @iamnicodemus. Hope y'all like it. Tara, I love u. <3

Masterlist

Tara never meant for it to happen.

It was actually the one thing she wanted the least. Catching feelings for someone only opens up more opportunities for her to get hurt.

And yet it happened so easily, so subtly, that she only realized it when the damage was already done.

She found you on her first day at the university. When she was admittedly very lost; backpack hanging from one shoulder, fifteen minutes late for her class, and walking in the opposite direction of it. You were the only person she'd bumped into when going past Blackmore's cafeteria, and after a bit of an internal pep talk, Tara walked up to you.

And if kindness could be a person, it would be you. Instead of just taking her to class, you gave Tara a simple tour of the university, promising to be around if she ever needed anything else.

Tara started noticing you on every corner of the campus after that. She didn't take you up on your offer though, choosing instead to keep her distance. Still, you always had a smile reserved for her at times you'd catch her staring. That didn't change when the rumors about her and Sam started, if anything, you became more approachable than before.

But it was only after an unfortunate incident, that Tara actually started hanging out with you;

October had started four days ago, and with it, the Halloween season. Parties were already being scheduled every other weekend and sometimes on weekdays as well.

Tara was walking towards her class, her head in the clouds while she thought about what costume she would wear if she were to go to one of those parties.

She was usually one to be early for class now that she had her paths memorized, preferring the calmness of the minutes before everyone started rushing to arrive on time.

So she wasn't exactly expecting what happened next.

As Tara rounded a corner, she was surprised to come face to face with two other students; one of them adorning a black hoodie and a cheap Ghostface mask. The 'boo' that left his lips was as childish as it could be, but the abruptness of the encounter got Tara stumbling on her own feet as she took several steps back, eyes wide and her body momentarily entering fight or flight mode.

"What's wrong, Carpenter?" The guy in the mask said in a mocking tone, his friend joining in on the laughter, "thought I was your sister?"

Tara's voice was tangled up in her throat, she couldn't remember if she packed her inhaler this morning, or was it her taser that she forgot?

If unkind memories weren't flashing behind her eyes, Tara would have recognized the two idiots in front of her; the boys who came here to do anything but study, taking getting on people's nerves as a hobby.

It was only when the back of their heads was hit — quite forcefully — with a book, that they stopped laughing. The cheap mask fell to the ground with the hit, gaining a crack on its edge.

"Don't you guys have anything better to do?" You came from behind them, tucking the book back in your backpack, "fuck off before I tell the director what you've been doing out in the parking lot when you think no one's watching."

With a few complaints under their breath, they eventually walked away, allowing Tara to let out the breath she'd been holding.

"Morons," you huffed, tugging on the straps of your backpack before turning around to Tara, your gaze softening immediately, "you okay?"

Her dark eyes found yours. She simply nodded, feeling her lower lip quivering when she tried to speak. She noticed the way your hand twitched to reach out to her but you stopped yourself midway, instead tucking both hands in your pockets.

"I'm sorry about them," you told her with the usual gentleness you never lacked, "they should know better than to do that."

Tara shook her head softly, managing a smile when her heartbeat started to settle, "thank you for… stepping in."

You just shrugged, your smile coming as a copy of hers, and it got Tara wondering if it could hold the same sentiment too.

"Anytime," you told her then, and Tara hardly left your side after it.

It was easy to fall into the routine of having you near and pretending she was just a normal girl with a crush on her friend. Being with you was so easy that it made Tara forget about all the bad, forget about all the reasons why allowing people close became dangerous.

And today? Today should be a good day, it's a day Tara has been looking forward to, a day that took away her sleep for all the good reasons. And it's not like she never stopped to get coffee with you on the way to campus, but today felt different because you had asked her to, as a date.

And Tara had been counting the seconds for it; until Ghostface came back and nearly killed her and Sam at that grocery store, until Mindy said 'never trust the love interest', until her worst nightmares came back again and suddenly nothing was easy anymore.

"Alright guys, as much as I love discussing possible suspects with you," Chad pushed himself off the bench he'd been sitting on, "we've still got classes to go to, come on Ethan." The two boys gathered their things and walked away, Quinn soon following behind.

Tara slumped back in her seat, her hands coming up to cover her eyes. With her sight momentarily gone, it felt like everything else was louder, heavier; she could perfectly hear the rustling of leaves from the trees around, the cacophony of voices from all the other students hanging out outside, and feel the weight of Sam's gaze on her.

"I think someone's looking for you, lovergirl," Mindy said out of nowhere, kicking Tara's sneaker with her own. When Tara glanced up at her friend with a frown, all Mindy did was tilt her head towards the university, where you had just walked out from and were now making your way to them.

"Don't think I haven't noticed," Mindy teased with a sing-song voice and a grin plastered on her lips.

"Noticed what?" Sam sat up straighter, her gaze shifting from Tara to Mindy.

"Tara's girlfr-"

"Nothing," Tara interrupted quickly, getting up so she could land a gentle punch to Mindy's shoulder, "nothing to notice," she said again, pointedly.

"Alright, let's go, Sam," Mindy extended a hand for the older girl, "we'll meet back at the dorm later."

Sam still had a confused frown on her features but she took the hand offered to her anyway, while Mindy leaned closer to Tara so she could whisper; "always knew you had good taste," before both of them walked again.

Tara's cheeks went aflame as she let out a groan, predicting the onslaught of questions she'd get later today. She slowly turned around to meet you in the middle, her soul naturally filling with incessant butterflies.

Had she really been that unsubtle when regarding you?

"Hey," you greeted her a little breathlessly, letting go of your backpack and leaving it on the floor as you took a small extra step closer to Tara, your eyes frantically looking her over, "I was so worried when I saw what happened last night, are you-"

"I'm okay," it was instinct, but Tara didn't know if the words were true. There was something about you that always made her feel more than she wanted to, she suddenly felt like the last pieces of herself she'd been trying to hold together so hard over the last months started crumbling. Tara took hold of your hands, squeezing tightly. She didn't know who she was trying to comfort, you or herself.

You held her back, glancing down as your fingers intertwined with hers. Tara observed the way your lashes kissed the corner of your cheeks; you were all golden softness and spring warmth, presence rivaling the one of a welcoming sun on a cold day. Tara wanted to memorize that, keep it in her heart as if it was the first and last time she'd be seeing you.

It should be easy to forget and pretend, but it suddenly wasn't, because Mindy's words kept ringing inside Tara's head even if she didn't want them to be true. She felt tears steadily collecting on the bottom lid of her eyes.

"But," she closed her eyes at the unsteadiness of her own voice. More than anything, she wanted this, wanted you. But she was stuck. It felt like quicksand, pulling her further down the more she struggled to get out. "about today…"

It's like you knew her better than she knew herself sometimes, maybe for you, it still felt easy. "It's alright, Tara." Your thumb brushed over the scar on top of her hand, "we don't have to go, I understand."

Tara pursed her lips, blinking away her vulnerability. She let go of your hands only to loop her arm around yours and bring your bodies closer together, "walk me to class, though?"

—

"Come on, spill it, what's up between you two?" Mindy leaned back on the kitchen counter beside Tara, "I was joking earlier today, but now I actually think there's something there."

The carrot Tara was cutting ended up with a slice too big, she had to turn it around and cut it one more time in the middle, "I've told you, there's nothing going on," Tara told her friend with a sigh, making sure to cut smaller slices so she could keep her hands busy as long as possible; "she's my friend."

Mindy scoffed, she picked up a spoon from the sink and tasted whatever Chad was cooking up on the stove. A grimace came to her face at the lack of seasoning, "I've heard that before."

"It's not like that," Tara dropped the knife then, unsure what she was frustrated about or what she wanted to convince Mindy of, "how can I get… involved with someone after what happened?" Her voice grew quieter by the end.

Mindy softened at that, she turned to face Tara fully — everyone knew the younger Carpenter was still struggling with what she'd been through, even if she didn't want to admit it. "I know it's not easy, T. But you can't close yourself off for everyone, some people are still worth it," Mindy glanced towards the living room, a soft smile on her lips when Anika's silhouette came into view, "people aren't meant to be islands."

—

There are times when the pain is so big, that it almost doesn't feel like pain anymore. If it comes from a wound, that's usually the time when you'll pass out. If it comes from inside, you start to feel numb.

Sitting at the back of an ambulance as she watches cops walking out with another one of her friends in a dark body bag, Tara thinks she's close to that feeling. Mindy is sitting beside her, she's not moving. Tara doesn't know what to say in moments like these, they feel almost awkward. A morbid kind of awkward.

So when she gets up, cell phone in hand with your number already ringing, she blames it on that; on the pain squeezing her chest almost to the point of unbearable, on the helplessness she feels twirling in her gut.

Tara paced back and forth on the sidewalk, trying to draw out the noise of the sirens as she counted up the seconds until you picked up.

… Two, three, four.

Tara could hear her own heart rate quicken, she closed her eyes, thinking about how her inhaler was still all the way up in the apartment; where there's blood, and-

Please, pick up. Please, pick up.

"Hello?"

A long sigh of relief left Tara's lips as soon as she heard your voice through the phone. As if she hadn't cried enough, she could see tears clouding her sight.

"Tara? What happened, is everything okay?"

"No, it's not," Tara forced out, her voice tight with a sudden rawness. She turned her back to Mindy so the girl wouldn't see her crying, "there was another attack… Anika didn't make it."

"Oh god, I can't-" Tara could hear you choking on your own voice, "are you okay? Please tell me you're okay."

"Yeah, I'm-" Tears made a steady path down to Tara's chin, some getting caught under the phone pressed tightly to her cheek, "I'm alright."

"Tell me where you are, I can be there in like ten- five minutes."

"No!" Tara said with urgency, "don't come here, please, I don't want you anywhere near this," she gulped back a lump in her throat, "it's too dangerous."

"But what about you?"

"I'll be okay," Tara closed her eyes, wishing the words really were true, "I just-" she hesitated, a confession lingering on her tongue, "I just wanted to hear your voice, is all." She bit onto her lower lip until it drew blood.

"We- we can talk for as long as you need," it was like Tara could hear your smile, "I'm happy to hear your voice too."

—

Ambulance lights and police sirens were clouding your senses as you run up to the commotion. It was quite a sight; your oversized shirt, shorts, and sneakers with mismatched high socks. But you couldn't remember to care because your heart had been at your throat ever since Mindy called.

There were several reporters blocking your view but you squeezed your way through them until you reached the police tape. You've always hated this; the white and red colors of the vehicles that only showed up in tragedies, the panic and grief that lay heavy in the air, the clicks of the cameras from people who saw it as an opportunity — you hated it all, but right now the only one on your mind is Tara.

You ducked to go under the police tape, immediately attracting the attention of one of the cops, "Miss, you can't be here, please go back behind-"

"No, you don't understand," you gripped at the fabric of his jacket when he tried to keep you back, trying to push through, "I know them."

And the cop kept speaking, probably about things you weren't allowed to do and places you shouldn't be. You didn't hear any of it, because you found her. Her blue shirt had more red than blue in it, dried blood was all over the fabric, making you feel a mix between relief and nauseousness; her hair was messy, tangled, and damp in some places; her skin still coated with bits of dirt and blood too; her arm was held up by a makeshift bandage. But she was there, talking to a blonde woman on a stretcher; she was alive.

"Tara," you called quietly as your sight blurred over, and then a little louder, "Tara!"

She looked up, any words she'd been saying dying on her lips when she saw you. For a beat, it seemed as if she was assessing if you were real or not, before she was all but running towards you.

Not caring for consequences, you pushed the cop off of you and met her halfway — lucky for you he apparently noticed you really knew them.

"What are you doing here?" Tara's eyes were glinting under the red and blue lights, there were clear tracks on her cheeks where tears had run down.

"I was-" you tried, stumbling over your words as you took her in, all blood stains and bruises. You raised a hand to push back her fringe, the strands of hair were damp to the touch; from sweat or blood, you didn't want to know. "Mindy called, and scared the shit out of me. I came as fast as I could."

With her lower lip stuck between her teeth, Tara leaned into your touch. Her eyes closed tightly when your thumb traced the outline of her eyebrow.

"Are you okay? I mean of course you're not okay, what am I even-"

You were cut off when Tara threw herself at you. She pulled you close with her free hand, nails almost digging into your skin with the force of it as she buried her head on your shoulder.

Quiet sobs shook her body and you held her back the best you could whilst being mindful of her injuries. One of your hands cradled her head, fingers tangled in her dark hair as you breathed in everything that was her. "Shit, I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you."

Tara only pushed herself into you more as you spoke. There was a beat, a moment of hesitance from someone who'd had the bitter taste of betrayal more than anyone should. Trust was a gamble, but when you had a place in her heart no one else could ever have, Tara knew you'd never break it. "I'm okay now," she spoke against you; and she believed it.

You only squeezed her tighter, pulling back just enough to land a kiss on her temple. And you allowed your lips to linger, to feel her skin against you and her heartbeat pressed to your own.

Tara melted in your hold, allowing you to support most of her weight. With her cheek pressed to your collarbone, she spoke; "you still owe me a date."

⋆* ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Thank you for reading this little story. Feedback and reblogs are literally what keep me motivated to continue posting here, so I’d appreciate it if you could take some time to reblog and comment if you want. <3

Tara’s taglist: @milkiane @v1ci0us @alexkolax

[ganjies]

hellooooooooooooo! I really like your posts. I see you opened a request and..umm..can I place a request for Teru, Akane,Mei (tbhk) x reader who likes to draw and always draws anytime, anywhere. If you don't like it, it's okay…anyway, have a nice day :333

hi anon im glad u like my writings, so sorry for the wait hope youʼll like this post as well, have a nice day / night

teru minamoto

he finds your hobby really interesting and adorable, you have a lot of talent and itʼs good that you practice everyday.

sometimes, when you have nothing to do, he invites you to the students council room and makes you sit beside him, he likes the silence thereʼs in the room while you draw whatever is on your mind while he finishes his work.

his grades are excellent so of course he shines in art class, he gives really good advices on how you can get better with your art, drawing / painting with him is really fun and relaxing.

if you gift him a drawing of him or you two together heʼll make sure to put it in a frame, beside the pictures with his siblings so he can see it everyday; heʼll praise you a lot and maybe gift you a drawing as well, as a thank you.

akane aoi

heʼs literally your number one supporter, always been since the start, he definitely takes pictures to every single drawing u make, even if itʼs just one doodle on the end of your note book or on your arm.

talking about doodling on someoneʼs skin, he will scream like a fan girl if you ask to draw on his arm, it could be anything really: smiling faces, lil shining stars, flowers.. he will cherish them till they completely faid away when heʼs washing himself up he will be sad about it too.

i wouldnʼt try to ask him for suggestions on how to make your art better though, he will always compliment whatever you draw, even if itʼs just a literal stick men, he cannot manage to criticize you and your art.

believe me when i say he will go feral if you draw him or both of you together. Imagine handing him a small drawing of you two holding hands w little hearts as decorations, and each second his face gets more and more red.. heʼll probably stick it to his ceiling, right in front of his bed so that it will be the first thing he sees in the morning and last thing he sees before closing his eyes to sleep.

mei shijima

i think she'd be really amused about the fact that you both like art and spend most of your days drawing, you both support and help eachother when the other needs help or suggestions.

since you two share the same passion, expect to do some works together with shijima, maybe like you both seat in front of eachother and draw the other or draw shared parts of a singular painting, you know things like that if you understood.. where you both have fun.

more than one time, she definitely chose you as her subject for various drawings / paintings for her school's art competitions, and every time she would win, sheʼd give you her art piece for you to keep it.

if you ask her for suggestions on how to get better at drawing, you better be ready cause she will say everything that is on her mind, she doesnʼt say it in a mean way of course but you asked her for art criticism and thatʼs exactly what sheʼll give you

i missed writing for tbhk to be honest, i hope this is what you were waiting for anon ^_^

[briar-ffxiv]

— B A S I C S

Name: Briar (the) Redfeather Nicknames: 'Rose', 'Little Fox', 'Wildling' Age: Early 20s in ARR, probably nearing 30 by Dawntrail (depending on timeline) Nameday: 21st Sun of the 3rd Umbral Moon (not that he knows exactly. He just knows the month) Race: Half-Elezen/Half-Hyur (Padjal bloodline through Hyur) Gender: Non-binary, masculine leaning (born male, prefers he/they) Orientation: Demiromantic Greysexyal Profession: Healer, Shepherd, Warrior of Light(depending on the 'verse)

— P H Y S I C A L A S P E C T S

Hair: strawberry blonde, almost rose gold with lighter gold highlights due to the sun. He has 3A curls, although when kept short the curls are less noticeable. Eyes: warm moss-green flecked with gold Skin: naturally quite pale, faint golden tan from the sun and tons of freckles everywhere. Tattoos/scars: no tattoos. Leaf birthmark on his right shoulderblade. Plenty of scars, including the slice from a spear on his left cheek, burn scars on his left shoulder and back, and rather heavily scarred palms and undersides of his fingers due to a nasty injury to his hands

— F A M I L Y

Parents: His mother was named Saule (Willow) and her family was from Dravania, but sought shelter in the Black Shroud when Saule was very small. His father was known as Ciro, officially U-Ciro-Tek before he was disgraced and exiled from being a Padjal. Siblings: Briar was an only child, as was his mother. Grandparents: Briar knows nothing about Ciro's parents, other than they died some years before he was born. Saule's father died before he was born. His grandmother died when he was under two so he has no memories of her. In-laws and Other: As far as Briar knows, his only living blood relative is E-Rani-Tek, Ciro's older brother and a Padjali pariah. Pets: Briar has a terrible habit of adopting many a creature, although if they are wild-born his goal is always to return them to the wild. Currently, he has a small herd of sheep, a flock of chickens, three Chocobo (one grown, two chicks), a dog named Jack, and a unicorn friend named Whinny. (And a lot of little forest friends that take care of themselves but visit often.)

— S K I L L S

Abilities: Despite normally not eating meat, Briar is a skilled archer, hunter, and tracker. He is an avid gardener. He has a knack for animal handling. He has a decent, if untrained, singing voice. He knows a lot about herbal medicine and non-magical healing. He rides quite well. Hobbies: Briar loves a good book, particularly romance. He loves beekeeping. He is quite skilled in many kinds of fibre arts, including weaving, spinning, and sewing. He likes to draw as well.

— T R A I T S

Most Positive Trait: Briar is a very kind person. He always gives the benefit of the doubt. He does his best to settle things without violence if he can. He forgives often and tries to be empathetic to everyone he meets. Most Negative Trait: Briar can definitely be naive. He forgives when he shouldn't. He has a very hard time understanding why anyone would be cruel. Sometimes he simply doesn't get it and it puts him at a disadvantage with people more than willing to take advantage of that.

— L I K E S

Colours: Blues, greens, golds. Smells: Fresh-cut wood. The smell of rain on grass. Hay. The smell of clean, well-oiled leather. Honey. Textures: Silky fabric. Soft wool. Supple leather. Smooth wood. Drinks: Various teas, often floral varieties. Soft spot for juices. Loves the rare treat of hot chocolate.

— O T H E R D E T A I L S

Smokes: He doesn't. Drinks: He is not against a glass of something fairly light in safe company but left to his own devices, Briar doesn't really have the urge to drink. Drugs: He doesn't. Mount Insurance: He would have no idea what that is, but he does have a unicorn he rides in the Black Shroud, but normally prefers his own feet. (Once he's officially in the steppes, I might get him an actual house.) Been Arrested: Detained by Wood Wailers more than once, but not officially arrested.

(( Art is by @shadesofblades / @coffeehands! ))

Tagged by: @thefrostflower @tripl3cast @sundered-souls - thank you all! <3

Tagging: @shieke @valdiis @shadesofblades @midnightmagicks @bloodredhands @prettygayway @avaritia-ffxiv @calico-heart @thefrostflower @starrysnowdrop @ahollowgrave @naejlas-axe @cadrenebula @skyysinger & anyone else that wants to do it!

[struwberrii]

hi!! could i please request a haikyuu match-up? :)

1. i'd like a romantic match-up

2. she/her + i'd like to be paired up with a guy

3. i'm fine with everyone aside from terushima and maybe hoshiumi

4. when it comes to my partners i definitely value loyalty, attentiveness and reliability the most. i also like intelligence, someone i can learn new things with. and i think i'd prefer my partner to be introverted or ambiverted since i'm not super outgoing and loud myself :)

5. as i mentioned i'm rather introverted, i'm usually pretty calm and even though i'm not afraid to speak my mind when i feel the need to i'm still somewhat scared of confrontation so it'd be nice if my partner wasn't afraid to stand up for me. i always try my best to be kind and polite. i focus a lot on academics but i also love being creative!!

6. as for my hobbies i love learning languages, travelling, going on walks, listening to music, i also play guitar a little myself. other than that i really like baking and i can play volleyball quite well :) i also collect legos!!

7. my main love languages when it comes to giving are physical touch and quality time and as for receiving probably acts of service and physical touch, i love when my partners show their care through little gestures

8. i have two dream dates, one of them would be going to some sort of art exhibition/aquarium/museum, just something to combine learning new things and having fun with my partner, and the other is something cozy and private like building legos or cooking together

9. i don't have one single fashion style, but i usually dress very feminine and girly, sometimes a little vintage or whimsigoth. i'm 5'8 and i have long hair!!

10. my mbti is infj

thank you in advance and have a great day!!

match up: kita shinsuke ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

hope u like the matchup anon!! ( ◡̀_◡́)ᕤ

kita is very assertive and straight forward. he does what he needs to do and nothing more. he also seems a lot more introverted but i don’t see him having any problems speaking up for you or himself at all. he’s also DEFINITELY loyal, like no way would this man ever even THINK about speaking to another girl with you in his life. he’s also very observant and caring so you’d never have to worry about feeling unloved or insecure

in the show his teammates said they viewed him as an emotionless robot or something but i feel like he’d def be a lover boy for you. i can see his giving love language being acts of service 100% like this man would be doing the dishes, doing the laundry, cleaning the house and working all at the same time just so you can do whatever you want with your free time

also a cooking/lego date with kita would be so cute, like i know he would be such a good cook and teach you so many little cooking tricks

he would leave little notes for you when he leaves and sometimes leave flowers in bed next to you when he has to go work and youd wake up to breakfast on the counter for you

i feel like he’d just make you feel so comfortable around him and help you out of your shell, he just gives me this weird comforting vibe ykwim

like i feel like he’d know the exact words to make you feel better after a breakdown and he’d know exactly what to say when you’re venting

[kxttqi]

HI OKAY SO FOR MATCHUP

Uhh i go by hershey(that was a joke) IM A GIRL OBVIII

id like to be paired up with a boy

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh haikyuu

personality

personailty

hm

I am a carefree clumsy weirdo who gets jumpscared every other second

i am VERY sarcastic and savage and could probably make you cry if i wanted to

okay ONLY if youre rlly sensitive but you get the point

idk my mbti but i am ambiverted and shy

i also get emotional very easily and am a crybaby cuz

Frustrated + very emotional = tears

yh i get frustrated easily

hobbies are voice acting, gaming, writing, editing and something else that i forgot

oh im also very competitive

Recieving love language physical affection and words of affirmation giving love languages physical affection

Romantic matchup plzz

my ideal date would prolly an amusement park or going somewhere to eat cuz i love food

Things i find attractive? I can find a good hairstyle attractive ig

also voice

You can do whtv you want with this info

ANYWAY TYY I LUV YOU POOKIE

𝐤𝐱𝐭𝐭𝐪𝐢 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 . . . 𝐚𝐤𝐚𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐤𝐞𝐢𝐣𝐢 !

a/n: stella hi ur so real for the emotional part n the finding voices attractive 🙊 

✧ headcannons

ever since he laid his eyes on you he fell in love i think

he’d be INSANELY good at calming you down whenever you’re frustrated or on the verge of tears (after dealing with whatever the flip bokuto puts him through, it’s a piece of cake)

he finds your clumsiness adorable, and if you ever accidentally trip, he’s right there beside you, arms wrapped firmly around your waist to keep you from falling over

he knows exactly when you need some alone time and when you’re in need of comfort

listen…….

if you’re having a bad day….

he invites you over and he’s laid out his futon with extra pillows as a makeshift spa bed with all of your favourite skincare products on the side, scented candles casting a warm n cozy glow around the room

he treats u like freaking ROYALTY, insisting you lie down and let him do all the work, massaging products into your skin with a gentle touch

akaashi is an extremely good writer; i think he loves reading/creating poetry, don’t be surprised if he sends you one of his carefully written poems about his love for you

speaking of which, you never have to beg him for “i love you”s ; he makes sure he’s said those three words to you at least once in a day

he always calls you pet names too, such as ‘love’, ‘darling’, and ‘princess’

cuddles are a staple whenever you two are alone, especially when you two are watching a movie, or when you’re playing your favorite games and he’s acting as a chair pillow for you

bro is the literal definition of comfort ugh

he doesn’t mind at all if you come off as too clingy or touchy, he thinks it’s absolutely endearing

he thinks he genuinely plays better when you come to cheer him on at one of his games

he always asks you before if you’re coming or not; he knows you’re competitive and enjoy cheering at his games for fukurodani

expect dinner dates, especially at fancy restaurants; he also doesn’t mind cooking once in a while and having a candlelit dinner at his place

i feel like amusement park visits weren’t really his thing, but after babysitting the thing known as bokuto ( /pos we love him !! ) for a year, he’s come to enjoy it

so naturally, he’d love to take you on amusement park dates, trying out every ride and game, and buying assortments of snacks from the stalls

aaaaand he always ends the day of with a ride on the ferris wheel, the two of you holding hands while the sun sets in streaks of pink and orange on the horizon

sometimes when the two of you aren’t in the mood for going out, he comes over to your place n you guys just draw stuff 

he likes sending voice messages

instead of texts sometimes

(pls his voice is so calming)

↑ usually when he’s at practice, as it’s easier than texting

he knows you enjoy listening to them teehee giggle

✧ extras : moodboard (bc pinterest does not wish to torture me for once???)

— all moodboard images are from pinterest and do not belong to me. full credits go to their owners

matchup rules !

© kxttqi — do not repost, copy, translate or steal my works without permission.

[einsatzzz]

♡ 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐒. ♡ Tag 10 followers you’d like to get to know better

TAGGED BY @dreamieparadise (thank you! 💜)

TAGGING. @azaracyy @social-muffin @yenosiria @shiawase-rina (feel free to ignore if u don't want to do this hehe also my brain is not braining rn, 4 ppl is my max, whoever wanna do this can do so too!)

✧. ┊ 𝑵𝑨𝑴𝑬 : Ein! People I comm'd probably already saw my irl name but let's close our eyes 😆 Tho if we're friends, you can ask for my irl name. (lowkey I'm more used to being called Ein than my irl name)

✧. ┊ 𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑨𝑺 : Just Ein again lmaooo

✧. ┊ 𝑮𝑬𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹 : I've been suspecting that I may highly likely be nonbinary but I'm too busy with my work and hobbies/personal projects to find out about it now.

✧. ┊ 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹 𝑺𝑰𝑮𝑵 : Aries!

✧. ┊ 𝑯𝑬𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻 : 150cm - 152cm 🧍‍♀️ around two years ago, I went to my annual physical exam and got a height measurement of 152cm, which made me happy bc I've been 150cm since high school. But then this year, I got 150cm...so I...I shrunk...?👁️👄👁️ I will never let go of that 152cm.......I'm still 152cm in my heart...

✧. ┊ 𝑺𝑬𝑿𝑼𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀 : Somewhere in the ace spectrum (maybe ace, maybe gray, idk bruh), but I'm too busy with work and hobbies/personal projects to find out what it is exactly.

✧. ┊ 𝑨𝑽𝑬𝑹𝑨𝑮𝑬 𝑯𝑶𝑼𝑹𝑺 𝑶𝑭 𝑺𝑳𝑬𝑬𝑷 : According to my smartwatch app, it's 5 hours 👍✨

✧. ┊ 𝑫𝑶𝑮 𝑶𝑹 𝑪𝑨𝑻 𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑶𝑵 : I love both! But I'll just say I'm a dog person because I have a pet dog lol

✧. ┊ 𝑩𝑳𝑨𝑵𝑲𝑬𝑻 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑺𝑳𝑬𝑬𝑷 𝑾𝑰𝑻𝑯 : I don't really pay attention to it that much, but I really like the soft & fluffy ones.

✧. ┊ 𝑫𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑴 𝑻𝑹𝑰𝑷 : Japan again!!! Going on a one week trip there improved my physical and mental health, fr fr, not kidding. Maybe I should just live there idk. Also wanna visit online friends' countries and meet with them! Most feasible rn are SEA countries hehe I'll save up for it and visit someday my SEA homies, you know who u are. Second most feasible is Europe, because I will highly likely apply for a Schengen visa sometime in the future but not so soon.

✧. ┊ 𝑩𝑳𝑶𝑮 𝑩𝑰𝑹𝑻𝑯𝑫𝑨𝑻𝑬 : I just checked and my first post is around August 15, 2014. But it should be a few years older than that because I lurked A LOT in certain fandoms before my first post. Safest bet is probably around 2011, which is when I was obsessing over Ina11 and stalking ask accounts here.

✧. ┊ 𝑾𝑯𝒀 𝑰 𝑴𝑨𝑫𝑬 𝑨 𝑻𝑼𝑴𝑩𝑳𝑹 𝑩𝑳𝑶𝑮 : I wanted a tumblr account to follow ask accounts of my favorite characters.

✧. ┊ 𝑼𝑹𝑳 𝑴𝑬𝑨𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮 : It was from an Uta//Pri Drama CD called "Masquerade Mirage" and the character that my oshi (Ai) is playing as back then is named "Einsatz". I was very down bad for Ai back then, you don't understand. Anyway, the actual "Einsatz" username was already taken so I added a few z's at the end since I'm too lazy to think up a new one (idek that it's a german word). Mutuals/friends back then started to call me "Ein", I just rolled with it and now it's just stuck to me. I don't really wanna change it anymore, even if Uta//Pri isn't an active interest of mine now.

[fersauce47mediatalk]

About That Handsome Devil's "The Heart Goes to Heaven, The Head Goes to Hell"

Hi Tumblr! I suppose that this is my first real post here. Hi, my name is Ferris/Lance, Whichever you like more. I came here from Bluesky to meet new people and rant without the shackles of a 300 character limit. 

Since I can yap more freely, I wanted to talk more in depth about the album I listened to earlier, That Handsome Devil’s "The Heart Goes to Heaven, The Head Goes to Hell". I like to talk about media, especially music! I have a lot to say about just about everything, yet nearly nothing at all. Hopefully you get that.

Anyway, this was That Handsome Devil’s third studio album, of which he has 6. I haven’t listened to the other albums, but if they’re as good as The Heart Goes to Heaven, The Head Goes to Hell- that’s long, let’s just call the album Heaven & Hell for short. Like I was saying, if his other albums are as good as Heaven and Hell, I would be more than happy to listen to them. 

Just about every song on this album has this feeling where I feel like it’s wrong to not put it on my playlist. My playlist is already long enough, I’ve only had it for 6 months and it’s almost 1000 songs long… hell, I’ve added about 3-4 hours to it this week. 

Speaking of my playlist, the only songs from Heaven & Hell that I didn’t add to it were One More Try, Bored, My Pen Is A Shiv, and Party’s dead. It’s a kick ass album, I highly recommend you listen to it. It has 13 songs and is 47 minutes long. 47 is my favorite number, not for any reason though. I just like it. Where was I? Right, I was talking about how good the album is. None of the songs overstay their welcome. They’re all perfect length. The longest song is One More Try at 4 minutes and 36 seconds. The shortest is Twist The Knife at 2 minutes and 57 seconds. If you ask me, that’s the perfect range.

I will admit that That Handsome Devil’s voice and style isn’t for everyone. He sounds like Elvis mixed with Lemon Demon mixed with Jack Stauber, then with a little bit of a deeper voice than you’d expect from those 3. I wouldn’t exactly call it jazzy, but Heaven & Hell does have a certain spunk to it. The vocals are bouncy and the beats are… interesting.

In case you’re stubborn and refuse to listen to a whole album, I’ll give you the top 5 that you HAVE to listen to. Take a stranger’s word for it, this is a need. 

1- Charlie’s Inferno. Hell yeah. If you haven’t heard it yet, that’s surprising. It’s That Handsome Devil’s most popular song, and for good reason. I’d say that it’s the main attraction of this album. I’d tell you what it’s about, but you should hear it for yourself.

2- Inside you. This song is funny. “She don’t have no hobbies, no sports and stuff. She don’t have no hobbies, she just likes to fuck.” I like the flow of it, most of the songs on Heaven & Hell have a slow flow like this but it works quite well here.

3- The U & I In Suicide. I was doing That Handsome Devil’s quests on Soundmap, and I got this song from a loot box. The second I saw that name I knew that it was gonna be a banger. And it is. The style did kind of surprise me at first, but once you get past the unusual sound of it, you’ll see the song for what it is: A total vibe.

4- Twist The Knife. It’s the shortest song on the album, and that sucks. I REALLY wish that it was longer. It’s one of those songs that leaves you wanting more. The flow of it has got to be my favorite on the album, only challenged by MAYBE Charlie’s Inferno. Same goes for the instrumental. The piano is utilized really well here.  

5- Karmakaze. I don’t have much to say about this one as far as specific aspects go. While you’re listening to the album sometimes you just want a break from the brain activity and want a song that sounds good without saying too much at first glance. This is that song. It’s chill.

In conclusion, Heaven & Hell has some kick ass instrumentals and flows. I feel like those two parts of the songs are what makes the album good. They’re the shit. Give the album a chance. 

Later skaters! I’m having fun on Tumblr =D

[roseofdarkness0]

Just snippets and random incorrect quotes that been stuck in my head and I had to take them out Sooooooo enjoy? I will have small snippet explain au as a context clue bc I'm not that evil yet.

Edit: Forgot to link it earlier but Poly Ship Au incorrect quotes Au

Married au: Gov and Cali are secretly married and no one knows but them.

~•~

Cali: I want a divorce

Gov: And I want those meetings to not derail into chaos but here we are

Utah: the only one who heard them and questioning his life rn

~•~

Cali: Have you seen our marriage certificate I nee-WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!

Gov: currently setting the certificate on fire GOOD LUCK RETURNING ME WITHOUT A RECEIPT

Cali: YOU SETTING THE LAWN ON FIRE YOU IDIOT

Utah, who just wanted to go out to his car:

Utah: shuffles back inside

~•~

Gov: casually taking four stairs at a time

Cali: falling behind, taking two stairs at a time Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fu-

~•~

after their old rings either get lost or damaged

Cali: I made this wedding band for you.

Gov: You know, I’m not really a jewelry person.

Cali: You don’t have to wear it...

Gov: No, I’m gonna wear it forever. Back off.

~•~

Cali: If you don't stop talking, I'm going to jump out of that window.

Gov: ...We're on the ground floor.

Cali: I know but I want a dramatic exit.

Utah, who just wanted to finish the meeting with gov and go to his wife:

~•~

Cali: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine!

Gov: How can you still say that?

Cali: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

~•~

After Penn and Virginia accidentally find the two making out in gov office

Cali: Are you mad?

Gov: No.

Cali: So sharpening your knives at 3 in the morning is just a hobby?

~•~

Cali: You saved me! Why?

Gov: People would think I murdered you if I didn't.

~•~

Gov: holds a gun out to Cali

Cali: I-I don't believe in guns.

Gov: Well, trust me, they're very real. Now take it.

~•~

Gov: Who hurt you?

Cali: snorting What, do you want a list?

Gov: ...Yes, actually.

~•~

Second a meeting with all the states finishes

Cali: I’m going to hell.

Gov: Probably.

Cali: I'll pick you up?

Gov: nodding Carpool.

States: ????????

Utah: I fReAkinG KnEw IT

~•~

Nevada blinked and watched with increasingly worried expression as Utah muttered to himself, staring at the wall in his office that was covered with scribbled on pages, some photos and a lot of red string.

"Utah??? You good there?"

"Whole week!"

"...w-whole week what?" Nevada flinched as dishevelled and frankly crazy looking Utah turned towards him, pinning him to the spot with just his crazied gaze alone.

"I had to suffer through two of them setting lawns on fire, flirting right in front of me instead of finishing the meetings and Gov mysteriously coming back covered in red substance back to the statehouse in the middle of the night. Heck!!!! WE ALL HEARD THEM FLIRT AN HOUR AGO IN THE MEETING ROOM!" Utah turned back to his conspiracy wall, shaking with what seemed to be explosive cocktail of tiredness and anger "AND YET EVERYONE DISMISSED IT?!"

"W-well to be fair it's hard to imagine-"

"PENNSYLVANIA AND VIRGINIA WERE COMPLAINING ABOUT THEM MAKING OUT JUST FEW DAYS AGO"

"They could have been joking?"

"WHY THE F U C K WOULD THEY JOKE ABOUT THAT?!" Utah look ready to commit murder and Nevada didn't really want to give him ideas on who to murder considering there was only two of them in the room right now.

"Right, you may be right but look at it that way, you are sleep deprived and twitchy enough your wife would replace you wit-" he stopped the joke seeing Utah eyelids twitch violently"-nevermind, point is how about I drive you back to your houses you can relax and nap there instead of being stuck here going a bit cray cray?"

Utah seemed to be considering Nevada offer for a bit before stiffly nodding. Without another word he shoved most of his stuff into his bag and approached Nevada jerkily nodding at him to lead the way.

Cheering oh the inside for the small victory. Nevada confidently strolled out of Utah office just to stop in his track and blink rapidly at

"California? What the fuck are you wearing?"

"Hm? Oh this old thing? I thought the red dress may go well with those shoes and because it's a dinner I matched it with that fancy-"

"Not what I meant-but good pairing, I would have went with different eyeliner but it does work for you-I meant more like why?"

"Oh that's easy, diner with husband"

Nevada didn't need to turn around to be able to know that Utah looks 5 seconds away from either murder or complete break down.

"Uh huh like husband as in friend and their husband or?"

".. I mean like my husband, I haven't spent half my salary on making our rings for nothing you know?"

Nevada blinked as he finally spotted the wedding ring adoring California finger. Before he could question California or himself further there was loud honk coming from outside.

"That must be Gov! I see you two tomorrow!" California winked and went off downstairs, not one to miss the drama Nevada dragged poor Utah after him with one hand whilst in the other he brandished his phone just in time to film Florida do a spit take at Texas face who didn't even acknowledge the scalding coffee as he seemed to have several personal revelations about himself at once.

Louisiana was halfway through drinking to avoid responsibility but choked on his daiquiri when the door opened to reveal handsomely dressed Gov who just looked unimpressed by the chaos happening in front of him. He looked ready to reprimand them but was successfully distracted by California planting a kiss on his cheek which seemed to set of another round of chocked noises, wheezes and rapid slams to the back.

"Cmon we have reservation to get to and I'm not wasting the hours I spend putting the outfit together" Cali tugged on Gov tie to get him back outside.

"If we miss it I will pull few strings-"

"Nope, no string pulling cmon off we go, bye guys!" with a quick wink and a wave California managed to drag Gov outside and towards the car.

"...."

". . ."

Louisiana coughs again, clearing his throat and wincing at the daiquiri he had wasted, patting Florida when he came over and buried his flaming red face into Louisiana shoulder.

Utah just looked very smug and vindicated. Without another word he went to his car to finally get back to his home.

[mikareo]

OMG MATCHUPS ARE OPEN (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠) (i'm frantically typing HELP)

Desired fandom, gender and age would be bllk, male and teen (sfw)

I'd say I'm quiet / shy (around friends I can get talkative tho), honest (to the point I sound mean at times), observant and apparently I'm sassy at times too. My star sign's scorpio (idk the other ones), my mbti is intp. My favourite hobbies are reading, writing, listening to music, playing badminton and (sometimes) studying. I love eating and going on walks (especially by the ocean or when it starts getting dark). Ideal date would probably be a bookstore one (I've never dated before so I have no clue on what I exactly like or don't like)

I hope this wasn't too much jsjshs (If I can find something nice I'll send them in for the appearance match up)

💌 ✮⋆˙ love letter to...kitorin!

i think this is actually the fastest i've ever done a matchup just bc i was like giggling at how cute u guys would be together :3 i hope you like this character souta!!!! i think he's a sweetheart n you two would work rlly well as a pair,, also!! i just saw me on ur carrd ily!!!

[ ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱₊˚⊹ ᰔ ] your complete matchup results!

congratulations . . .‧₊˚🍂✩CHIGIRI HYOMA₊˚🍁⊹♡

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ chemistry analysis . . .

i'm ngl it took me a good like five minutes of thinking to figure out who i wanted to match you with n i argued w myself on three options until i landed on chigiri. the other matches were very similar to you and i realized i wanted someone more extroverted rather than an introvert...so here's why i picked chigiri!

off the bat, i think you two would connect on that level of honesty you have. chigiri is a very blunt person and always says what he's saying when he's thinking it. knowing that you also tend to be on the honest and blunt side of things, i think that you two could communicate together without that judgement there may be w/ other people, n have a really great foundation of trust that is essentially unbreakable. he'd definitely really value you since you keep him on his toes, n make sure that he's sticking to his goals n constantly improving (after all, you're there to tell him if he's not)!

i consider chigiri more of an extroverted introvert. i didn't want to match you with a total extrovert since i didn't want you to drown in their outgoingness or obnoxiousness; so i think chigiri is a good fit in this case. he enjoys his quiet time, which the two of you could fondly share, but also gets out of his comfort zone when he feels himself settling down. he'd constantly check in w/ you to make sure that you're okay with wherever you are/whoever you're with, n puts you're comfort first. if there's ever a situation that you feel like you want to get out of to escape for a little bit of peace and quiet, he's right by your side and holding your hand until you're away from the crowd.

his character analysis also matches extremely well with your hobbies and interests! as stated, chigiri really enjoys "drinking tea and eating sweets". he'd surely love to take you out to the new restaurants in town or even the local コンビニ to pick out your favorite snacks for a chill movie night in! on his off days, he prefers to read— so he'd happily visit the bookstore w/ you and sit in there for hours so long as he has his favorite drink by his side, laughing at whatever sassy remark you throw at him. he'd think of these quiet moments on the field when he needs to focus or concentrate on a shot; you being the thing that relaxes him and calms his heartbeat.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ memories on the wall . . .

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ a treasured moment . . .

how loud does he have to slurp that damn straw?

you've only been at the bookstore for maybe ten minutes (?), and chigiri finished his drink in the first two. it was some sort of tea— maybe an iced jasmine with honey— and it was good when he let you have a sip! but it was only a sip; and then suddenly it's just ice and a plastic straw. your boyfriend enjoys his sweets, his treats, and especially his teas. you, however, enjoy some peace and quiet when you're trying to find the perfect book.

"you sound like a vacuum." the eye roll you send in his direction is deadly. he's practically shot on sight "i mean that in a bad way."

"i should've gotten the extra large, right?" he shakes the cup, frowning as he realizes there is absolutely zero drink left. he's so cute, it's annoying.

without glancing in his direction, you toss him a book or two that you're debating on adding to your shelf— which he, of course, catches with ease and balances on top of one another. his agility is outstanding on and off of the field, but sometimes you wish he'd miss...just for the laughs. "you would've finished the XL...what...ten seconds later?" he really is like a human vacuum.

though your tone is laced with irritation, you hand him your glass. "don't make me regret it." to which he happily sips on with a smile on his face.

so cute.

if there was an award for the prettiest, red haired, japanese, youth, male, potential striker, football player in the world; chigiri would definitely win. yes, that's a very specific title— but also it's the only way you know he'd win.

“i love you,” you murmur under your breath. you do love him, you really do…

…but you take back your words when that damn slurping sound returns.

[butchkaramazov]

yess another tag game!! i love these sm thanks for tagging me @ashstfu !! love u <3<3

1. were you named after anyone?

not as far as i know

2. last time you cried?

it was fairly recently but i don't remember exactly. a week or two ago i think? because i remembered how happy & complete i felt that morning my ex best friend [who i may have been a little bit in love with] spun me around in the school garden & she was laughing & at that moment she was an angel on earth but then a few months later she spread rumours abt me like it was nothing & made sure i had no social life at school anymore... and i was just thinking what if forever is just two months. what happens when forever isn't just a word that feels so far away, like this love is going to last forever. &c &c

3. do you have children?

i am the child

4. do you play sports?

brown belt in karate !! also badminton sometimes

5. do you use sarcasm?

it comes naturally to me <3 my sarcasm peaks when i harbour no feelings towards the other person & do it just for fun <3

6. whats the first thing you notice about people

smile & mouth. hands & where they keep them.

7. whats your eye color?

dark brown eyes that don't sparkle in the sunlight !!

8. scary movies or happy endings?

why not both

9. talents?

idk. playing my guitar? loving & not knowing how to be loved back?

10. where were you born?

a hospital?? does this count as a question

11. what are your hobbies?

um reading, yearning, napping, longing, singing, listening to music, playing my guitar, horseriding & writing poetry that no one will read

12. do you have any pets?

nooo :( but i rly rly want a pet snake :((

13. how tall are you?

4’11. if you make fun of me i will cry

14. favorite school subjects?

english literature !! also bengali my love <3

15. dream job

anything to do with english literature!! also “local sweetheart loserbutch suspected to be gf of world’s most feared criminal” <3

[v-anrouge]

Hi pookie 👋🏻

You know why I’m here don’t you ? 👀 (for the match me with someone-)

So, I think my love language are quality time and physical touch. If I have a partner I really want someone I can hug and kiss and all, as for quality time I don’t care what we do, we could be doing two different things as long as we’re in the same room I don’t care.

For the love language I search in someone I think physical touch and words of affirmation. I’m very insecure and I need someone that will assure me they love me and that they will never leave, as for physical touch it’s just because I do that too and don’t want to bother so having someone with that too is ++

Hobbies for them I really don’t care, maybe something not dangerous or else I’ll be freaking out every time they do their things but other than that I don’t care at all. For my hobbies I really like writing, reading and being on my phone doing anything (+ I can play the guitar lol).

For personality I don’t want someone cold, I will not be able to stay with them. Maybe not someone too overly excited too because my social battery runs out quickly even with people I love a lot lot lot. So yeah someone calm maybe and with some energy but not too much is mwah, perfect for me.

That’s all I think ? (I really sent you everything lol sorry for the long rant-)

i think u should date me haha just kidding or am i (/j)

long ass post under the cut also sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes lol

STARTING OFF STRONG WITH

ROOK i think it's very clear that rooks love language is physical touch and words of affirmation (those r just the main ones tbh he has all of them he just wants to express his love for u as much as possible) he will GLADLY reassure you of his undying love and affection towards you, he hates being away from you and when he is forced to do so you're always on his mind and he'll make sure you know that with the multiple calls and messages he leaves u and even letters 💀. since you love physical affection i hope you're ready because this man WILL hug you kiss you hold your hand at any time he's allowed to, he really doesn't care about what anyone says he's just a guy showing pure adoration towards the one he is an absolute fool over can you blame him???

rook's hobbies are quite dangerous and he knows how much you worry about him so he always make sure to let you know that he's safe, you trust his knowledge and skills but still you cant predict the future so you can't exactly just stop worrying, to make up for the anxiety he gave you he'll always return home with gifts, any treats you like and one day he even both you a giantic ass plushie and he'll sit with you and hold you telling you how much he absolutely adore you, not all of rook's hobbies are dangerous tho, he loves art, all types of art, rook also enjoys writing especially poems so he'll love to read all of your works if you let him (he'll find a way to read them either way unless it's something very very personal you don't feel comfortable sharing with anyone) he's literally your biggest fan, he could talk for hours about how much he loves your writing and if you let him he'll love to sit close to you and watch you writing he's unusually quiet because he's so focused and doesn't want to interrupt him, but in case you'd prefer to hear him talking then he'll gladly chat with you the entire time even give you tips if you ask him to do so. rook would love to read with you he loves to hold you and read to both of you he'll also appreciate it if you'd like to talk about the book after, also be ready for rook to sneak up on you and suddenly start reading a poem he wrote just for you he really enjoys doing that especially if u get spooked easily because he loves seeing you calm down when you realize it's him it warms his heart that you feel safe by his side. rook knows he can be too much sometimes so when you ask for a break to recharge your batteries he won't be sad at all!! he'll just kiss your hand or your cheek and ask you to tell him when you feel comfortable again, as extra as rook can be the only truly overwhelmed you like 4 or 5 times and it was in the start of your relationship (as friends or as lovers) because as you two got closer he understood your boundaries better so he can always notice when you're starting to get overwhelmed and immediately will stop the situation in a way that you will only notice after you're feeling better because he doesn't want you to feel guilty in any way

IN CONCLUSION: rook loves you so so so much and he WILL let you know, this man is every insecurity's nightmare because he will have no mercy as he absolutely destroys it he won't be satisfied until you start seeing what an amazing person you truly are he'll always do his best to make you happy and WILL be mad if anyone ever disrespects or make u sad

another person i think would be good for you is

AZUL i know u might think THAT CAPITALIST?!?!?!?? but hear me out azul is also quite insecure and having someone that understands what he goes through will help him so so much, he loves affection he feels so safe around you he just wants to make you happy and that he WILL do!!! it may not look like it but azul loves physical affection, surely he's very shy and will ask you to not do anything too extreme in public but in private??? oh boy he will hug u so so tight and while he's doing so his face is BURNING hot this man looks like he's about to faint his hands are shaking a bit too but u can feel his little smile that he's trying to hide by burying his face on your shoulder, azul tries to hide his excitement to take you on dates and spend time with you by luring u into contracts which is literally just him giving u gifts and getting to stay by your side as a "payment" yes the tweels bully him for it

im pretty sure it was said azul's hobbie is collecting coins or something and like he's so silly cuz he'll one day take your hand and proudly show you his collection he has such a adorable proud smile too please praise him tell him how cool it is and how you're amazed at how many different coins he has, azul would be very very interested in reading the things you write he tries to hide but everyone knows that if u post your works he's the first one reading them in a fake account that's definitely not suspicious at all, he always leaves u such cute reviews and u can always tell it's him but if u ask him he'll die of embarrassment so please don't

he'd also love to hear you playing guitar and he'll ask if you'd like to make a duet w him he'll stop at some point because he's absolutely flabbergasted by your skill make sure to tease him because he's cute when he blushes he's such a pathetic wet dog

azul is a calm man and whenever you feel overwhelmed he'll always immediately take you to his office which is a very calming and quiet atmosphere, if you'd like to be alone he trusts you enough to leave you there but if you'd like his company then he'll stay there quietly by your side as he does his thing, he's very happy you trust him enough to allow him to see such vulnerable sides of yourself and he wants to make sure he'll protect you, azul can also get overwhelmed due to work and in these moments he'll just quietly ask if you can hug him or let him lay his head in your lap, if you can read to him that'd be great too, soon he'll fall asleep with a smile on his lips and all his stress gone

IN CONCLUSION: azul would be an amazing lover for you, you two are a very cute couple it doesn't even look like you're both so silly for eachother for ppl that don't know u both well

another possibilities could be: silver, riddle, trey, jade & idia

[evsvolunteerstotem]

Easter, spring feelings, and other happy moments

27.04.2024

Ahojky:)

I hope you're doing well. I am definitely more than fine right now and I think it's not only due to the weather but also because of everything I got to experience during the last weeks…

Starting with my Easter holidays, which I spent at home and during which I was able to meet my family and many friends again. I went on lots of coffee dates, was at a live podcast in the Mercedes Benz Arena in Berlin together with my sister, visited a football match of the U 21 national team in my hometown as well as going to the cinema and spending Easter together with my family.

Unfortunately, I got sick and therefore had to come back to Plzeň one week later than planned but it seemed like the city therefore wanted to welcome me even warmer- like literally!! As I arrived it felt like during those two weeks I wasn't there the season changed from winter directly to summer. The sun was shining, it was very hot outside and the trees bloomed as if they had already skipped spring. This definitely made it a lot easier for me to get motivated again, because after two weeks of sleeping in, going to parties and without any obligations, I had to get used to waking up early again, having a predetermined daily routine, and completing all my tasks in and out of TOTEM. But as I said before, this adjustment period lasted shorter than expected, and in my first week I already helped at the Pub Quiz in TOTEM again, joined Martin's German course to answer questions from the participants there, took part in another event for all colleges and regularly had the English and German conversation, danced with Adeto and joined Nordic walking as well as the baking with Mirka and had my weekly English lesson with the children and the list goes on and on and on… It's crazy, how you sometimes really think that it will probably take a lot of time to get used to something but then you just start and everything falls into place again. ;)

But of course, besides all the usual tasks at work that I've already talked about in my last posts, there were also other things happening in Plzeň this month. So let's talk about April and its highlights. ^^

One thing that made me really happy was meeting all my friends again and talking with them about the things we've missed out on in each other's lives. I also missed my favourite cafes in Plzeň, strolling in the beautiful city centre, chilling in one of the parks, and walking through the forest with its lakes right next to TOTEM. This is something I started to appreciate even more because as the weather got so warm suddenly it was a big release to have nature right next to me.

Furthermore, I went to the boulder hall again and did so much better than during my first few times there. I finished routes that seemed impossible for me before and gained a lot of confidence to continue with the new hobby that I've now found for myself.

But apart from being socialised and staying active during April I also tried to take more time for myself again. This was something that I had previously lost sight of and now wanted to pay even more attention to. And the always-changing weather of the month also benefited me at that point, because although April sometimes felt like summer already, there were enough days when it showed exactly the opposite. It's not for nothing that they say in Germany (and by the way also in the Czech Republic): "April, April, he does what he wants." – and in practice that also meant a lot of rain, thunderstorms, and cold days and therefore the perfect weather to stay inside and take care of things that were left behind. For me those were deep cleaning my flat, trying new recipes and paying more attention to my body and soul. I discovered yoga for me again and replaced high-intensity workouts and sports like running with low-intensity movement and long walks through the forest (only when the weather allowed it of course;D). That reduced my stress level extremely and helped me with listening to my body more again.

Keep in mind that you can always change your routines if it feels better for you and that it's okay to fall out of love with something and fall in love with something new at the same time. You only live once and should therefore be happy with what you do, right?:)

One last thing I was very surprised about after a rather chill winter in Plzeň, is how vivid the city became at the beginning of April. I can remember meeting with a friend in the second week of the month and the city centre was full of people, who enjoyed a beer or coffee after work and who savoured the good weather in one of the full cafés and bars around the Náměstí Republiky. It's very nice that Plzeň isn't overcrowded with tourists like in some other big cities, but that there are still events going on, which bring good vibes and spring feelings among the people.

And well, I don't know about you, but I'm more than ready for summer!;)

Watching the German U 21 winning their qualification match for the football EC 2024!!

At the live podcast „Weird Crimes“ in Berlin ;)

Reunited with Tati <3

Back in Plzeň at my favourite place in the forest...

Enjoying the sun in the park near the Zoologická Zahrada ^^

… And then suddenly I woke up to snow in APRIL XD

Dancing again with my ladies from Adeto <3

Next month some trips are waiting for me, which I'm already excited about but there are also upcoming events in TOTEM that I look forward to.

So stay tuned if you don't want to miss them. ;D

Until then, enjoy the good weather and keep in mind to take care of your body and to do something good for it. <3

See you soon,

Laila ^^

[lilsnowpea93]

Essay time: I can pinpoint exactly why I’m frustrated w capitalism and this current system of how we work in the US. I’ve figured out my place in the world right, I figured out what my “work I should be doing” is (if that’s even necessary morally). But I’ve found the closest things to a typical capital earning career, things that I’m uniquely good at and have “something to offer society” (again just appeasing capitalists w this speak, I’m explaining how the system doesn’t work for some ppl who should be included in society actively doing their thing.) Ok so my shit is like, I do graphic design for friends, we make things. I also make affordable sliding scale art. I make music and encourage ppl to stream/download it for free. I make content online sometimes (way more of a hobby), and I also sell miniature skateboard decks for very affordable prices, or bartering. To summarize, I’m a creative person making stuff that handfuls of people enjoy. That is enough for me, I don’t care about popularity (now that I have other income thank you) and I just want to make neat things and be mentally and physically healthy. Not too much to ask you’d think. NOW, to make this all fit into the capitalist system we are in.. We can spitball, I would have to have so many design projects, from multiple wealthy clients. Or I would also have to somehow get lucky enough to become a somewhat recognized musician and/or artist. Maybe I would become a real content creator. Or I would make my hand crafted items full time. Probably a layering of constant monetary successes in these fields would have to happen for a livable income.

So let’s investigate my specific case. 1. my design caters to liiike, skaters, small brands, etc. You can’t invalidate those niches, they have influence on overall design and are where cool shit sometimes happens. So small doesnt equal bad, most of the time. But small DOES equal not having much money to spread around. 2. Getting famous from art or music is so bad. Trying to do it looks cringey, actually doing it probably sucks so much. Not caring about return is so much fuckinnnggg better !!! I cannot express this enough. U make better stuff. Maybe if u want to be creative, just making it and being proud of it should be the baseline, at least for me. And if a few friends like it, even better. There’s nothing wrong with aiming big I guess but, s2g if there was a way to know the likelihood of that shit, it’d be like wild disproportional. Fuck outta here with that “temporarily embarrassed millionaire” bs. And for me my art/music is kind of specifically me on purpose like I’m gonna do my thing and no one has to like it because I didn’t make it to be like other things or be palatable in a way we contemporarily think of as normal. 3. The content I make online is organic. It’s mainly centered around filmed skateboard tricks. I hope it’s entertaining, I try my best to come up with ones that I feel like doing and that not many people have seen before. I want to add to peoples inspiration when they’re choosing what tricks they want to try. Thinking up rare tricks isn’t something you can just “content” pump out, that would be so weird lol. Like ew being a content creator at shit ruins everything. It wouldn’t even be feasible to make money at that nuh uh. I did try YouTube art vlogs for a year or two but nahhh 4. Bruh do u know how many mini skateboards I’d have to make to equal even half a “normal” jobs pay? They take like an hour or two each no that’s not feasible. Especially the way I make them, more organic and less templates/fancy power tools. I prefer the result that way, it’s harder to get right and takes more time but it’s a skill I have and there’s an art to it so frick offff.

Ok having explained all that- I do believe what I do is a positive force in the communities I’m part of irl and online. I know for a fact that people interact with what I make and are happier because of it. That is very fulfilling. I make things to make them, typically, but that is a huge added bonus, and reason for living frankly.

U may also recognize the thread of affordability or free-ness that runs through everything I like to do. People don’t have random money for buying stuff that’s not for basic survival needs rn. Especially my friends. This is just realistic, like no one’s gonna buy my art if it’s over $50. They can’t afford it, hell I wouldn’t be able to afford it. I used to stress over this, now that I have a steady job I could care less. I’ll give things away for free idc. Cuz good creativity is worth so much and nothing simultaneously I guess lol.

Now, viewing all this from the American capitalist workforce etc perspective: all of these activities are difficult. I put a so much time and effort into each one. I’m kind of a perfectionist and I have very specific tastes. Not to say all my work is good or perfect, but just saying that typically I super care. So I’m passionate about my hard work that I do. A small but not insignificant number of people enjoy the work I put out. However, it does not make barely any income (not my motivation to do my life’s purpose lmao I just do the things I’m good at and like). SO, does that insignificant income part then mean that, I shouldn’t do this stuff? To certain people who understand creative careers they would say that my current path can be a stepping stone to a more real career. To that I say, I’ve been at this step permanently for 10 years, this is it. And also, how are people who are legit at the stepping stone thing supposed to survive?

Now, why I mention all this stuff super hinges on this reality: Currently I work a 30-35 hr full time job at 17/hr and that has made my life a bajillion times easier (I can’t express), but I can barely do the shit I actually want to do, and barely still have good personal and space hygiene and mental health and do easy hobbies like MAYBE sometimes playing a game. If I wanted my life to be upgraded like, having a car, buying a small house, being able to buy the clothes I want, eating out instead of only always spending time making food personally, etc., I would have to work 8 hr 9-5 and find a job that pays even better, but I doubt I could do that because my “real” skills are cleaning the floor/toilet and sometimes fixing things, I could easily get paid less for less hours. Working that 8 hr 9-5 job that’s in a different field I probably don’t like very much would 100% kill all the other things I do. I know this because sometimes I have to work that schedule. Nothing else gets done, apartment doesn’t get cleaned, I barely take care of myself, let alone express the skills that feel like my “purpose”. Maybe that’s a me mental health issue, it seems like some people can do it. Imagine having kids added on to that, this is why I won’t have kids. My past Christian culture really wanted me to have kids. Ur trippin. I regularly fail at taking care of myself.

So what all this tells me, is that my actual skills, which I am pretty good at due to years of experience, have succeeded at so many times in terms of people effected, measurable good done.. I kinda probably shouldn’t have done it, I’m getting good at the wrong thing, it doesn’t make money as its first goal. Meritocracy my assss bro. There’s worth in what I do. The things people like me do are part of the culture. Absolutely not saying I make any waves in that department lol, but I’m part of it, I add my two cents. The culture is what makes shit interesting, it’s what makes people happy, ppls days better, it’s human connection thru shared interests and progression of an art form. Like idk what to tell u I think it’s cool. But to the normal viewpoint, all my stuff is just hobbies. But they’re kinda more than hobbies right? Like I’m just trying to check the capitalist boxes, I don’t think everyone should have to hold their things they do to wild standards of almost fitting into capitalism like mine do. But still, I can’t do it in the way they want, even with the help of having the internet.. and I’m not about to ruin and taint what I love to make not even enough dollars to live from. I don’t even know what I want bro but all I know is that shit doesn’t woooork. Like for some people it does! But not for ppl like I’m describing, who are definitely worth having in society and letting flourish etc. To me creative ppl are a bajillion times more interesting than someone who works in business. Like they can do that sure, that’s probably their thing I guess, buuut idk what are u adding bro, when u die what will u have done. Better been like donating to charities or something. The ppl this system wants u to be are so boring and inhuman. It literally wants to suppress creativity. I hope I’ve proven that here, I know I’m a unique case w my weird shit I do that goes beyond music or whatever’s popular rn. Like I add to society in these ways.. and my regular job does too, I’ve always worked for non profits I like. But still, objectively trying to do both is really gnarly. If only I could be randomly famous for one of those things I like doing to support the rest, I say jokingly because it is not feasible and will likely never happen. Let’s be real there, for most creative people it does not happen. But they still add to their communities and are positive facets of life and society at large. They should be able to do their thing! I also recognize that this experience is very very common. Like I’m granularly describing mine but there are definitely so many ppl with similar things happening all the time. We’re not free to do what we want. The system tells u the opposite but eh there’s a big twist. Sure I could be less free. Literally hate that argument so much tho because it’s always in regards to human made systems like, yes, AND humans COULD fix the terrible instances where the poor people are mega oppressed. We should all be on a better page. We have the resources to be but we’re not. The system and ppl who control it aren’t interested in that I guess. Like, clearly, that’s the reason. Our lives are all a little or massively worse for it. Humans can’t human as effectively, society is less colorful and interesting. As humanity we have less to offer and show for our time on earth.. We don’t even have a clear reason to explain why we’re here or why we’re conscious entities. If I know one fact about reality, we’re not here to solely make money. I refuse to get obsessed with that. But we’re all coerced to be, and the system is built to clearly influence that desire, at the risk of punishment. Like, no, fuck u and fuck money. It’s so awesome that this attitude seems so worthwhile and also so antithetical to living within our system. Fuck all that man that’s terrible. Again, I’m sure we could figure out a way to fix this, but we don’t. We also have bigger problems we refuse to fix. Humans are so cooool hahaha I love us awwee. Sorry for cynicism lulz but it is worrying! Hard not to think about it all the time ya know.