#sometimes it pours out of me
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Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Undertale (Video Game) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: W. D. Gaster/Grillby Characters: W. D. Gaster, Grillby (Undertale), Original Characters Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Western, Prompt Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Gaster as the outlaw + grillby as the healer, Small town politics, it rains obvi, my favorite way to trap some guys Series: Part 1 of Under the Joshua Trees Summary:
An outlaw stumbles onto a healer's porch, bloodied and wild. How do they fare with kindness reaching back out to them?
#grillster#grillby x gaster#grillby#gaster#wd gaster#w.d. gaster#undertale fic#lionwrites#woah i write sometimes who knew#finally on my desktop and able to post a little bit easier!!!!#im excited genuinely to get this posted ;;#i wrote a huge chunk of it after reading like five cowboy books in a row#just poured outta me#now its the fun stuff of fleshing it out XDD#i joined a new magic cat group server but im hoping between my excitement there i'll get to writing again#new creative spaces always help
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bruv comparison is truly the mind killer like damn...

#life#idk i'm mostly fine in my little bubble of just making stuff i'm passionate about#and while i focus on that it's.. alright#(considering all the other irl things i have to deal with it's like.. internet stuff is the least of my problems)#but i'm sometimes reminded that internet IS just another popularity contest#and i was never very good at those#i'm just not a particularly likeable person#(which is fine because people who like me like me for who i am)#but at the same time i feel like i pour so much of myself into the things i make#i work so so so hard i spend so much time on the little details#i focus on quality#and yet.. it feels like it's just not enough#what's the point of putting literal days of work into something#when others quickly snap a bunch of screenshots and call it a day#the notes/likes/whatever can be rough sometimes#and i start thinking 'well if this is not good enough for my friends to share with others then why would strangers share it either'#i'm uh... yeah i'm not feeling great as an artist these days#i can barely function enough to even make things#most of the time i am too overwhelmed to even talk to people#i simply cannot also be a marketing manager#i also can't just fake all the buttering up to others and pimping myself out like a product#like.. i could do it but it's just not who i am#i can't bear the fakeness of it all#anyway.. time to take my meds and go sit outside a bit and hope i feel better and more motivated to create again
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Timeless and rim McGraw. Did you already do that one can’t find
I thought I had but turns out that was Tim McGraw x Cowboy Like Me!
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As usual, she sounds amazing, and I love when she lets the yeehaw out with her grown-up voice! Having the richer vocals and control she has now with the twang hits different 🤌
I think my favourite part, and the theme of the mashup, is: In a crowded room a few short years ago, sometimes there's no proof, you just know, you're always gonna be mine, we're gonna be timeless... and when you think happiness, I hope you think that little black dress, think of my head on your chest and my old faded blue jeans
As an aside, Tim McGraw really is an example of exceptional songwriting for any artist, let alone a teenager. I've said it before, but it's a song that stands the test of time, and sounds as good coming from a 16 year old as it does someone twenty years her senior, because it's one of those songs that changes meaning with age. It's timeless, if you will.
So I guess I shouldn't be surprised that it has turned up so many times on the B Stage at Eras, because it's probably the most quintessential example of her talent and skill from the start of her career that has gotten her to this point. Like, Tim McGraw could have been on evermore (with an updated arrangement) and it would have fit right in, ykwim.
What I think is so clever about this mashup is how it showcases the theme of Memory, which one of like the cornerstones of her discography. She longs to be remembered, she records these moments in time and begs for them to be remembered along with her. Opening Tim McGraw with the memory of how the boy in the Chevy truck told her how her eyes shined and made her bashful, into Timeless and the photos that record the memories of another time, one that didn't even belong to her but in which she saw herself, is such a big-brained connection.
Another clever way the two songs are blended is that by cutting out the verse in Tim McGraw after they've gone their separate ways, it turns Tim McGraw from a melancholy reflection on lost love into, when paired with Timeless, a medley about remembering your younger, early love years later after you've built your life together, which the section I highlighted in the intro demonstrates.
And I'm back for the first time since then, I'm standing on your street / And there's a letter left on your doorstep, and the first thing that you'll read... Time breaks down your mind and body, don't you let it touch your soul / It was like an age-old classic, the first time that you saw me / The story started when you said, "Hello"
The letter on the doorstep turning into the story about when they said hello? 🤌 Instead of being a letter about lost love, it becoming a love letter like the ones she imagined from the antique shop? 🤌
(Also thinking about "It was like an age-old classic, the first time that you saw me" and "tell me about the first time you saw me" and she's just a big lover girl iktr.)
And last thing: another thing that strikes me, and that also delights me, is how in both songs, there are like these "talismans" of the love she's singing about. The letter on the doorstep. The imagined love letters from the front. The radio playing the favourite song. The photos in the antique shop. The faded blue jeans. The cobweb-covered books.
The whole story is about creating and holding onto the happy memories over a lifetime and it is very, very sweet.
Reminder: I'm still working on a bunch of these so please don't send more until I've gone through them 🫶
#Pouring out my heart to a stranger but I didn't pour the whiskey#Anonymous#mashup madness#surprise songs#miami n1#tim mcgraw#timeless#the joy was radiating off her and i am just very very happy for popstar bestie sometimes idk#Also singing 'time breaks down your mind and body' in a mashup presumably inspired by or aimed at her football player husband is#unfortunately extremely funny to me lmao. 'Please don't let the giant men destroy your body and your brain too much thanks'#unfortunately in my dark humour moment i did call this the CTE mashup lol
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I vote for Argenti! I hope you feel better soon!
Thank you ! I do feel much better (though I admit I hurt a little for very much my fault reasons but it's mostly manageable through light pain meds).
Take an Argenti o7 I got lazy and didn't draw the roses I was gonna draw to the left so there is now a wide open blank spot.
#honkai star rail#argenti#i managed one of the things i owe and this isnt it but here take a doodle#im a ding dong who told someone oh no its starting to pour i should draw someone quick#and then proceeded to draw him way past the rain .... so that.... was a thing#i mean luckily we didnt lose power but still#ALSO OMG THE REASONS I AM AT FAULT FOR ISSSSSSSSS#we have obtained as of yesterday a mama cat and a lil baby boy#and so i heard him mewing under the bed and like a FOOL rolled over on my side with the recovering incisions#to check on him and hoo boy that was indeed a mistake#but lil guy was okay just wanted attention#im so pleased to announce he loves me most teehee#my dad has repeatedly told me idk where he is i hope he isnt stuck#and then i simply exist upstairs and then he bounds out from his hiding spot and lets me pet him and pick him up#truly a good lil bean he is so baby i - with v tiny hands - can hold him in one hand without any problems#none of this has to do with the art i apologize#but ty for the request uhhhh over a week ago ! i do still have them in my inbox and when i can manage i try to look over em#and try to consider one but then i sometimes just do not have energy and wanna do something easy and fast
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PLEASSEEE TELL US ABOUT YOUR MYTHIC MUMBATTAN AU PLEASE PLEASEE
>:) very well, my people (currently screaming because i wrote a response but i accidentally CTRL+Zd everything out of existence lmao)
The Mythic Mumbattan AU is me pouring the following ingredients into an explosive mess:
Hindu mythology and Indian culture overload
college!Spider-Man shenanigans
revamping the original Spider-Man: India plotlines and expanding the lore
character studies!!! my favourite :)
a potential and self-indulgent crossover with another indian superhero (if we ever get there)
the horrors.
Pavitr and his personal cast!!! just!!!! THEY!!!!!!
(keep reading if you want more goodies >:D)
So the CoffeeBean is a coffeeshop that existed in the mainstream Marvel universe and in real life but that's another thing; the cast below frequently drop by to hang out with one another. The Mumbattan-equivalent of the CoffeeBean is actually the TeaHouse which is another real life thing but shh and so in-universe they're called the TeaHouse gang, but in my heart they'll always be the CBG 😌
Everyone goes to Brihanmumbai State University (BSU). Lots of crazy things happen here. Pavitr's relationship with the others is always in flux but ultimately they're super close with one another (fuck it, they might as well be poly). Their personalities I try to keep as close as I can to the mainstream universe E616 comics, but I'm being creative and letting a few things from the SMI comics and ATSV influence them:
Pavitr Prabhakar — Tamilar (Tamil); he has the charm and skills from his ATSV counterpart and the smarts from his SMI counterpart; he can be a bit of a jerk and a flake, but he tries to be a good friend, and is much more open than he was in high school.
Meera Jain — Kannadiga (Kannada); basically how I've written her in tibim: everyone's first impression of her is that she's carefree and seems to not worry too much about life. She secretly deals with a lot of self-doubt and personal fears, but the gang's presence is enough for her to push them aside.
Gayatri Singh — Gujarati (Gujarati); she's probably the most quiet of the gang, but undeniably the kindest. She's more similar to Pavitr, in that she's stubborn and quick to judge. She's the glue of the gang and always willing to extend a hand to others
Hari Oberoi — Maharashtrian (Gujarati/Marathi/Hindi); the son of the man who tried to bring literal hell to earth, but other than that he's okay. He's a people-pleaser despite having everything, and struggles with his own self-image and who he should become
Ekansh "Flash" Travasso — Goan (Marathi); the high school jock who's grown more understanding and compassionate. He knew Pavitr the longest, so they have quite an interesting collection of interactions. (ALSO I'M SO SORRY I WROTE THOMPSON IN THE ART POST INSTEAD OF TRAVASSO 😭 maybe i should go back and edit that)
Spider-Man is Spider-Man'ing. Mumbattan loves him (sort of. Inspector Singh has mixed feelings). But another question: why is that every where Spider-Man goes the demons of yore all start showing up and begin wrecking havoc? Why is that? I am taking the magic in Spider-Man: India and dialing it up to five million — horrors and magic of every kind! I can get my hands real dirty and /really/ push Pavitr to his limit >:)
That is all for now. There will be more characters, but they'll show up in time. Lots of stories too, all old and new and revamped and crazy, but they'll be told when they're ready. Perhaps this is enough to satiate everyone's hunger? (unless you want to know something else, then by all means go ahead and ask!!!)
#sorry this took so long i was procrastinating#and then all my words disappeared and i had to physically go and touch grass. sometimes technology and i don't mix#but anyway#mythic mumbattan au#my beloved#i am soooooo insane about these guys. you have no idea#me waiting for all the words to come pouring out of my brain ykykyk#coffee bean gang#spider man#pavitr prabhakar#gayatri singh#meera jain#hari oberoi#flash travasso#spider man india#agni of wisdom#agnirambles
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One day I’d like to pursue a PhD that studies ethics in the healthcare system and specifically my thesis would center around what factors make patients stick with primary care physicians that either mistreat them/provide very subpar care
#riv rambles#I know insurance is one of them ofc like#you don’t always get to pick which doctors are in network#however#I speak to patients all day#and I’m a chatty person so#long story short I know a lot of the patients’ business LOL#what surprises me is that a lot of patients tolerate mistreatment or even just#lazy care from providers#bc they are unable to advocate for their health and#it takes them a while before they hit their last straw and finally change their pcp — assuming they have options bc again#sometimes insurance plays a large role here#however I think it would be cool to look into it from a sociological lens outside of just insurance limiting your options#some ppl are uninsured and pay out of pocket for visits#and still tolerate terrible care#there’s just a lot of things that go into a patients hesitation to advocate for themselves and I wanna study it#idk if this would be a good PhD to pursue LOL#I feel like it would be very fun for me though#I would pour my heart into it
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confession
#k#my art#cw death#juste thinking i guess... i have to get these thoughts out and its not like.#something i want to make my friends sit down and listen to me for#so i guess in that way it joins vehemourn :3#some of my accounts are like my diaries sometimes#i dont know if ill post this on my other accs </3 my twitter has too many followers for me to wanna do that i think#to tumblr with ye#pour my grief into the blog#mask it in emo dog
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you’ve probably already read it before, but the poem Party by Kim Addonizio really got me tonight. first thought was “oh man. yeah” and then my second thought was “how can i make this about my hockey guys somehow………..”anyway! have a good one!
oh. oh.

#don’t think i’ve read this kim addonizio poem and it just blindsided me like a truck thank you so much#i. oh god. like yeah.#pour me shitfaced into your car i feel like you own a comforter extremely dysfunctional only in surface details like which person was the#black hole and the distant spark in space that might’ve been a star there’s something too with unrelenting mist / many-headed mist / missed#who knew mis(t)/sed had undone so many. while you keep an eye on the burner here’s hoping this flame doesn’t go out#the flame as in the spark as in don’t let me have pinned my hopes on you to watch it burn out again but also me. like please let me not go#and i think there’s something there too with the repetitive ‘i have just met you’ and i already love you that reminds me both of a story#colman domingo told abt meeting his partner i cry everytime i hear it right when he says ‘i think i love u &you’re about to change my life’#and i KNOW there’s another poem. and i feel like it maybe has a dog and it talks about how they don’t even know you but they love you#OH IT’S ALSO. OH MY GOD THAT’S IT. i mean not exactly so maybe i have read this before & it’s what has been haunting me for so long but#the opening line to tim seibles naïve is ‘i love you but i don’t know you’ - mennonite woman#the odds of that dog poem being a carl phillips poem is non-zero btw. his poems about dogs make me see shrimp colors (bertuzzi thesis)#ANYWAY. agreed. this is incredibly hockey and incredibly hurtful because they DO bond like this in 0.0001 seconds because if you can’t#you’re fucked. you have to just find somebody and fall in love with them and it’s the salmon and the triple cream brie like they got taken#out to some fancy meet the donors team night in their suits and one of them is dealing with a heartbreak and a trade and are the things#they think true or are they just missing what the used to have. jamie who used to empty and refill the ice tray YES sorry i have been a#little bit thinking that about the trevor dealing so poorly with the breakup and i wish i had another narrative (which i do) but it fits#trade deadline tragedy#and also the formation of a codependent rookies like. two guys that get drafted and brought up together and suddenly they’re doing#everything together and it’s your first time in the big show and none of your old college friends understand because they’re not there#and you can’t get it. like you think you know but they can’t understand and the loneliness and it IS guys taking care of each other#(alexa play harriet by hey rosetta! but specifically the bridge) and it’s just. i just!!! trying to fill up the missing pieces of your life#like i cannot convey WHOMST i am trying to pin this narrative to this is going to rotate for a long while i think#because it’s not a wild i fell in love with you at first sight it’s a you were kind to me when i was broken. and i love you for that.#like who is FALLING APART &happens to fall into someone else’s arms. purely for the partygirl aspect the devil (old hrpf) says ‘13 bennguin#who among us hasn’t fallen mildly briefly brilliantly in love with a stranger and imagined a future where you get everything you want#sometimes we love people for who they are and sometimes we love them for what we’re not and sometimes for who we think they’ll be#this was a very long way to say thank you for sharing <3 i will also be making this about my hockey guys <3#OH MY GOD IT’S DPAIRS. WHO’S BEEN THROUGH SEVERAL DPAIRS#nonny <3
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Prompt fill for @astreamofstars from this ask meme. Jaheira: "Tales take on a life of their own, like weeds. Unless they are tended."
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“Ah, my good friend, there you are!”
Jaheira can already feel her jaw clenching as the strident voice rings across the camp in her direction. “Hello, Volothamp.”
“Oh, my, the full name even!” Volo says jovially, striding over to settle himself on the stone ledge against which Jaheira has placed her tent. “Surely we of all people are beyond such formality, are we not?”
Hector trails after him and catches Jaheira's eye; his lips are pressed tightly together with the effort not to laugh. “And here I was about to offer an introduction, but I see the two of you are already acquainted.”
“Yes, yes!” Volo says enthusiastically before Jaheira can respond. “Though who of the Sword Coast does not know of Jaheira, one might better ask.” His eyes crinkle at the corners in a conspiratorial smile towards her. “I trust you feel I have done my part to bring you the renown you so richly deserve.”
Jaheira quirks one eyebrow up minutely. “Certainly it is by your doing that every bard from here to Athkatla has made coin recounting the tales of my carnal escapades,�� she says. Flicking her eyes to Hector, she adds dryly, “Inaccurately, no less.”
Hector frowns. “Is this so, Volo? You have spread falsehoods about her?”
“Falsehoods? Never. Give me some credit, Lady Jaheira,” Volo says with an air of wounded pride. “I spoke ne'er a single jot of falsehood regarding your love in actuality, for I would never speak ill of the dead. Nor did I imply for an instant that your escapades had the whiff of philandering about them. But you have had many a year of adventuring alone, my dear, tales that deserved the telling, and like a good meal, every good story benefits from spice.”
Hector grins. “I thought every story benefitted from a dragon.”
“You'll find,” Volo says with dignity, “that the two are not mutually exclusive - a fact which has a far wider audience than you would imagine.”
Hector's eyebrows shoot up and then he blushes. “I see.”
Jaheira snorts softly. “They say tales take on a life of their own, like weeds, unless they are tended. But our good friend Volo is no tender of gardens, but rather the fertilizer.”
Volo smiles widely. “You mean that I am a rich and fertile ground upon which stories set their roots?”
“I mean that you are full of cow dung, Geddarm.” Jaheira’s lips twitch.
“Hmph.” Volo scoffs, utterly unbothered by this appraisal. “Genius is never appreciated in its own time. I content myself against the slings and arrows of criticism with the certainty that I set down knowledge which shall last through the ages.” He cocks his head in Hector’s direction. “You were a monk of the Silverlight Archives, were you not, Saer Carlisle? Surely you can appreciate this.”
“Oh, I do,” Hector says earnestly, his eyes glinting with humor. “Normally we insist upon veracity in our tomes but perhaps in your case we can make an exception.”
“How thoroughly gracious of you,” Volo says gravely. “I knew from the first moment I set eyes upon you, you know. I said to myself, ‘Volo, that is a man who can be trusted as a patron of artistic endeavor.’ And I am never wrong in my judgment of character.”
“Mm,” Hector says. “That would be, of course, why you offered to stick an ice pick into my eye three days later.”
Jaheira’s eyes narrow abruptly to slits. “You what?” she snaps.
Volo does flinch just slightly at the sudden ferocity in her tone. “It was a scientific procedure,” he says defensively. “And one I would still happily offer, for I believe your little brain problem has not resolved itself in my absence.”
“He will pass,” Jaheira says coolly before Hector can even formulate a response. “If there is one thing I would trust you less with than history, it is surgery.”
Volo gives an elaborate sigh and waves a hand in resignation. “Very well, very well. By all rights you should have undergone ceremorphosis long ago, in any event, so clearly not availing yourself of my talents hasn’t done you any harm. Besides, we have greater issues at hand. We must speak of Orin the Red, and her--”
“VOLO!” There’s a thundering crash as Minsc comes barreling out of his tent and across the cobblestone of their camp, a wide smile stretching his face from ear to ear. Boo, on his shoulder, sits eyeing Volo with beady-eyed skepticism.
“Oh!” Volo looks mildly alarmed for a moment, but quickly recovers his sang-froid and smiles broadly in return. “Minsc, is it not? What a joy it is to see you and your hamster again!”
“Ah! You see, Boo!” Minsc bellows happily. “I told you he would remember you! And now we shall finally hear the end of the tale!”
“Eh? What tale might that be?” Volo asks.
“Why, the tale of Jaheira and the dragon!” Minsc says with an earnest nod. “The bard which Minsc heard said the ending was not fit for polite company.”
Jaheira groans, rubbing her fingertips against her temples. “Oh, ye gods…” she mumbles wearily.
“Minsc did not think the tavern company was so very polite, for they poured ale upon Boo,” Minsc says, coming down to a more normal volume, his expression pensive. “But nevertheless, Minsc’s curiosity was not to be sated on that day.”
“Nor shall it be today, ranger,” Jaheira says, shaking her head with a pointed look at Volo. “I hear tell that that particular tale has been… suppressed.”
“Mm. Yes. Terribly sorry, my young stone-addled friend,” Volo says brightly, “but instead, come to the fire and I shall regale you with all the tales I have told of your little hamster. For truly he is a hero spoken of with great reverence.”
Minsc considers this. “As well he should be,” he says modestly. “Minsc would hear these tales!”
“Excellent. Excellent.” Volo bounds to his feet and gives an elaborate bow in Jaheira’s direction. “We will speak again, my dear Miss Jaheira.”
“Unfortunately, I’m sure that is true,” Jaheira says ruefully, but she offers a half-bow in return anyway, and she and Hector watch the truly odd pairing of bard and berserker retreat towards the center of camp.
Hector chuckles softly. “It’s hard to hate him, for all his faults. He certainly doesn’t lack for enthusiasm.”
“Mm. Yes.” Jaheira lets out a heavy breath. “I do not begrudge him his tall tales, in truth,” she murmurs, more to herself than to Hector. “The world has need of tales of heroes, and I know this as well as any. But it is… tiring, at times, to hear myself spoken of in such terms, to be painted so larger-than-life with appetites to match, when I know myself to be only life-sized, and with a heart whose pieces have been left behind with the dead more than once.”
A pause. Then she shakes herself and plasters a smile back onto her face, shooting him a look sideways. “You will come to know this feeling yourself, I suspect, if we continue on this road. There will be no shortage of songs sung of you.”
Hector grins. “I could say I was looking forward to it, but I’d be lying. I’m sure it will make Karlach happy, though.”
Jaheira really does smile now. “Now that is a cause for such stories which I can get behind. She of all people has earned it.”
#astreamofstars#ask meme#jaheira#volo#volothamp geddarm#minsc#hector carlisle#bg3#bg3 drabble#bg3 fic#ok i really enjoyed writing this one rofl#sometimes the dialogue just pours out and it's like I'm just sitting here transcribing XD#i hope you like it!#idk how funny it is but it made me laugh writing it#and also gave me feels XD#ty as always for the prompt <3
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JOJO I THINK YOUVE BEEN POSSESSED BY THE HIGHLY INFECTIOUS HAPPY-DOMESTIC-SMILEY-SUGAR-CAVITY-VIRUS YOU MAY BE ENTITLED TO FINANCIAL COMPENSATION
I’ve got a fever!!! And the only cure is DRAWING FLUFF !!!!!
#I can’t help it doctor!#the fluff and sickly sweet ideas just pour out of me sometimes!!#never on command#I have to get struck by idea lightning#and it’s all downhill from there!! :D#ask#kirbysona#this is silly haha#Jojo T Schmo
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Autistic people are prone to black and white thinking so it makes sense that sometimes the things he’d say seem pretty hard and fast even if they are not that way in reality. Something I find interesting about Nancy and Adam’s relationship is that Adam told his DDR friend that his mom was unwilling to discuss certain topics with him, and it really makes me wonder what he wanted her to hear that he couldn’t get across to her. (re: the “selfish” document)
I don't know if I think Adam was more inclined towards that sort of emotionality than anyone else is. The way he held himself together and was dedicated to being civil when people on his youtube channel uncharitably picked him apart demonstrated that for me as well. I think anyone human can think like that, more or less, when they're upset.
I wonder too about what the topics were.. I wonder if it may have been something pertaining to antinatalism/anti-life. Parents hearing that sort of perspective from their child usually upsets them. I know in some email to Nancy, Adam lied that he was glad to have born, to appease her in some way, so maybe they never even breached the topic. The way Adam tried to introduce his hatred of culture to his parents when he was a teenager was.. telling them he wanted to be homeless or something like that. He would move his things out of his room, probably because he was upset by having reliance on objects induced in him (the deprivation he was always talking about)
I think when you've already come to the conclusion that everything about the human experience is harm, it's so hard to try and convey that to other people, so instead of explaining it you just act accordingly, and it just ends up confusing and upsetting them.
#maybe I'm projecting though.#sorry I didn't get around to this until much later I... was trying to come up with a polite way to phrase that I don't really.. um#I don't really think pathologizing Adam's behavior is helpful and it comes across as a little demeaning to me. Sorry.#I don't think his autism made him really all that more different than you or me. Or maybe it did. I don't know. But#He makes more sense to me than most people do.#thank you for the ask talking about this means a lot to me#and writing this meant a lot to me. I feel like I'm pouring my heart out a little bit sometimes. It's kind of a whole ordeal. It's messy.#Apologies.
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okay i understood this one but i wanted to read your thoughts on it (i loooove reading your interpretations): this is me trying x labyrinth from gelsenkirchen night 2 <3
I was so sure I had done this before but I must have been thinking of this is me trying x daylight from the other day.
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Let's get this out of the way: as usual, she sounds beautiful, especially on the labyrinth bits, where she lets herself belt and vocalize a little bit compared to the breathiness of the album version.
The theme for this one is: I just wanted you to know I'm falling in love again.
I went back into my archives to see what I said about it the night of the show and looks like we clocked it pretty much from the jump! At the time I pointed out this parallel:
Pulled the car off the road to the lookout, could’ve followed my fears all the way down -> I thought the plane was going down, how’d you turn it right around?
And that's pretty much the story of the mashup!
Much like the this is me trying x daylight mashup, it's a story about coming out of a dark place after being hurt badly but being determined to claw your way back to life, then finding a love that makes you feel alive all over again.
I think "at least I'm trying" may have become somewhat of a mantra for her over the years, particularly after she went through after the summer of 2023 but certainly in the years before it as well. Because she did-- she could have succumbed to her demons, but somehow found a way out of the darkest periods of her life to make a life for herself. And the beauty in that is by making that life she's then found more joy which in turn has opened that life up even further. What a gift that is.
I love the transition between
Pulled the car off the road to the lookout Could've followed my fears all the way down And maybe I don't quite know what to say But I'm here in your doorway I just wanted you to know That this is me trying I just wanted you to know That this is me trying
and
It only hurts this much right now Was what I was thinking the whole time Breathe in, breathe through Breathe deep, breathe out I'll be getting over you my whole life
Because they really are like... two sides of the same coin. One is the moment of truth, when you could make a decision that would change your life irrevocably, and the other is grappling with the mindset that leads you there.
I also love how she sings "I thought the plane was going down, how'd you turn it right around?" in this version!
The medley basically says: I tried like hell to get out of the pit and open myself up to love again in spite of having been hurt, and I'm going to keep trying like hell to stay out of the pit to hold onto this new love I've found.
#Pouring out my heart to a stranger but I didn't pour the whiskey#Anonymous#mashup madness#surprise songs#gelsenkirchen n2#this is me trying#labyrinth#as always i'm still catching up on last week's asks so a gentle reminder to please hit pause on sending more mashups <3#sometimes if I think about the implications of “this is me trying” too hard I feel a little ill woof#she was a very warmie little bean in this one
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Ramble on.
Being an online (OC) artist just sucks so much these days haha. It's just no fun anymore. I won't stop doing what I love doing and I like interacting with my little bubble but honestly... it's tedious, sometimes I really DO wonder how I have not given up yet.
#I also feel that pouring our hearts out always has to come with disclaimers these days!?#because people are so quick to yell at you that no one owes you any attention#we know#validation is still nice and it's just very human to crave it#I don't even know what I want to say tbh#it's just hard sometimes#I'm currently in another rut#they come more often and last longer#it's something that happens but the very little engagement we get isn't exactly helping with that#uuuggghhh don't mind me#I'm just rambling#I'll get back to drawing eventually#but right now I wanna wallow a bit
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not to be about opera again but to be about opera again. as an art form it has the reputation of being super stuffy and something for snobs who don't know how to have fun only but honestly this was one of, perhaps even THE main theatrical entertainment for centuries. i wish people knew how hard these things can go and how engaging they can be. like characters kill and die and fight wars and (almost) commit human sacrifice left and right. characters fall in love they mourn they're ecstatic they cry they're furious it's an extremely dramatic and emotional art form! and i understand that opera does not appear approachable bc of the general conventions of the art form but i promise old works can be fun and engaging if you go watch them with some preparation beforehand (reading the libretto helps) - not to mention not all operas are old bc there are so many modern operas which engage with topical events! also the music slaps.
#le triomphe de trajan (1807) out here calling for a man's execution with this banger:#point de grace pour ce perfide; que tout sons sang coule sur un autel#(no grace for this treacherous man; let all his blood flow on an altar)#this is also annoying to me when people write historical fic and the characters treat the opera as this elitist thing#that they don't know anything about.#you know when they go to the opera reluctantly and then they have no idea what's going on on stage or who the composer is.#which is. very unlikely for anyone with the money to attend an opera in certain opera houses in the 19th c. tbqh#like im more of an expert on paris and vienna idk what it was like in london#but if you were decently (upper) middle class or nobility (esp in paris) you went regularly. this was like a whole social space too#i recently read a fanfic and one of the characters was like 'oh it's in italian. i don't know that' and the other character went like#'it's by a man called donizetti what did you expect'#(this was situated in 19th century london)#like first of all. donizetti was NOT a librettist he was a composer he did not write the text#and second of all. he worked on french operas ?? so did rossini. and spontini.#opera was an incredibly international art form. also bc productions would be performed in different countries all the time#(sometimes changed and/or translated but not necessarily)#and again like i said. this was one of THE main forms of entertainment. people were familiar with its conventions! it was well-liked!#ofc bc of the seating prices it was not very accessible to lower classes most of the time#but lbr most characters that get written into an opera scene in fiction are at the very least decently bourgeois lol#i wish people knew how to properly historicise forms of entertainment whose reputation has changed in the modern era#from what it was a century or more ago#very adjacent to people 'cancelling' old lit bc of 'bad takes' like idk how to tell you this but people thought different back then#completely different world view from what we have today. that does not make lit from that era irredeemable it is just from a diff. time#acknowledging that and reading the text critically but also still enjoying it are things that go tgt here#ok rant over (it is never over)#curry rambles
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my oral comprehension must be getting better because i just identified (and understood) a lone line of french hidden in a verse of portuguese. to give you a baseline my general problem with understanding spoken french is that much of the time i don't even recognize it as french. i'm like wow listen to all that german!
#i did not know it was portuguese (i was like is this spanish? is this italian? it doesn't really sound like either spanish or italian...)#but as i have not spent over 20 years (or indeed any years) trying to learn portuguese i will give myself a pass on that part#classic romance language rookie mistake. pro tip: if it doesn't really sound like spanish and it doesn't really sound like italian...#it may be portuguese#in my defense the title of the song is an italian word#anyway sometimes now when i listen to songs in french i can even figure out what they're about!!!#definitely not what all of the words are but enough to get the general picture#i think maybe my path to oral comprehension is music not tv. everybody shut up about dix pour cent and rec me some artists#french#my posts#music#song is mafiosa by lartiste feat. caroliina btw
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life update: ive buried myself in my irl work
and whenever someone messages me (for good reason) about a fandom thing i get so irritated because i just dont have the time or headspace at the moment and the mild irritation passes im left with feeling bad that i neglected fandom stuff for too long 😞 but at the same time can you just stop :D
#nina.talks#nowadays ive been reflecting on a lot on how to balance my fandom like with irl#cause i dont want to lose that part of my identity i associate myself with fandoms#but darn gosh FUCK do i need a break#like sometimes its really not about buying the newest collection they release#or collecting all types of merch#i WISH i could afford to think that way longer#but financially i need to wake up this 2025 and not give in.#its just very irritating when people dont respect that boundary#but i also know its a bonding thing/hobby thing in our friendship#im really just rambling at this point#i need a ME day which is schedule this saturday#but i need it now!!#this has nothing to do with writing and art but really about the merch collecting thing#and my last event duties#bc writing and art are things i WANT to do#like i wanna do my hobbies and pour my energy into something personal and i'll be proud of#side note as a writing warm up (and breather for myself) i did a writing sprint for all the selfship HCs qotd from the server#but they got so personal i cant post them#its rlly like baring your soul out there#but also i think im just rlly boring these hcs are so general...#wheres my personality#NOW ITS AN IDENTITY CRISIS
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