#sometimes i'm so angry i did this - i miss them they were so precious to me

[minilev]

All the #barbenheimer going on made me feel nostalgic

I had a shit ton of furniture (everything was pink ofc, i started to tolerate this colour just few years ago after all that overdose), food, clothes and SHOES! Oh god, Barbie's shoes! I remember chinese street markets where you could sink your hands into boxes full of shoes for dolls. My mom sew some coats and things of course. There were a flight attendant doll with a suitcase, a mermaid, a brown haired ken in light blue silk smoking (i think it was a marriage set or smth), unrelated toys and things adapted to participate in all the crimes and intrigues our dolls committed as we played...

My first one was Hasbro's Sindy - absolutely insane batshit colours!

I don't remember which one i had. Her hair quickly turned into a mess and i somehow broke her neck so her head had to be pushed all the way down to her shoulders. She was the hunchback, the evil one! She also had huge ass earrings and you literally had to puncture her head all the way in to put them on - strange experience for a child.

In 1996 my parents gave me the Workin' out Barbie with flexible joints. You could open her little player and take out the little cassette! I still have the big real one cassette ;)

And in 2001 i snapped and rebelliously asked for dark haired Barbie. She had cool boots and reminded me Sandra Bullock.

[bellyachhe]

<Woman. Life. Freedom>

There is not a day that passes by in which I don't think about the Woman Life Freedom protests and the precious lives that were brutally taken. Mahsa Amini should have been alive today, if she were alive, she'd be attending her master's program which she got admission for in Winter semester 2022. Armita was pushed and gone comatose before it was stated that she had passed before it even broke the news.

I sometimes think to myself, what if I was the one killed? what state would my family be living in at the moment? I can't even imagine how angry and revengeful they would be just like their families.

whenever I find myself wearing a bit of compulsory, disgusting hijab because unconsciously I feel like I'm in danger, I shove that disgusting piece of clothing away because I do not want to be indifferent to the lives of thousand who were taken. because I AM them. I AM living the same pathetic life. I SHOULD BE fighting for my rights. THIS IS what all of us deserve. THIS IS the legacy we need to keep. THIS IS what we owe them. TO simply not be afraid. I don't care if I get arrested, beaten or physically and sexually harassed because thousands were through this and I am no different than them.

I am writing this with all my anger and the knot that is currently in my throat; whenever I am walking down the Enghelab St. I pass by the block where Vida Movahed wavec that piece of clothing in peace and by passers kept pulling her down. I remember back then I did not see myself not wearing mandatory hijab in the streets of Tehran, I was so impressed by her, I kept checking the news to see what happened afterwards. I admired her. they should never be forgotten.

We are the generations that kept their names alive, even though she might have been forced to stay silent for years onward, we have been trying to keep her name in our thoughts and conversations. She was the beginning of everything.

Last year when we heard about Mahsa Amini, My sister and I were watching a movie in my room, we paused the movie to get a tea break, I turned on the WiFi and checked out the news and saw that people protested in front of the hospital where she was held. My heart was beating so fast, I couldn't focus on the movie afterwards, I told my sister, she quickly turned her WiFi on to go check out her twitter acc. we kept reading the news and different points of view on this upsetting news to each other to make sure we weren't missing on anything important.

we simply stopped watching the movie afterwards. I still remember the stories I posted on my instagram stories that day, full of swear words and anger pointed towards the government and the oppressive system that has been pushing us to our limits. I WAS AND AM STILL FURIOUS. lots of other people didn't have a clue as to what was going on. I kept checking my friends' stories to see if they were informed. they probably thought ' oh this is just going to disappear in a few days. this is like "everyday" bullshit for us. '

the killing of a 23-year-old woman dressing 'improperly' in YOUR eyes and basically in what YOU call as YOUR religion should not be waived off. Just because you are not personally affected by it NOW, it doesn't mean it won't affect you at all.

No one has forgotten what happened to Iran last year and no one will ever forget; we won't let them.

every day is a fight for freedom now. every day that you stand up to your parents and wear what you find acceptable, is a day worth fighting for, because we will never forget what happened to those of us who fought with their bare hands in front of one of the most brutal dictatorships of history.

We will neither forgive nor forget.

[cebwrites]

lost and found (brotherly obligations)

oc, gen | slight taesui word count: 1.5k

Sasuke, no older than the age of seven, gets lost one cold autumn day.

Maybe he took a wrong left turn somewhere, or maybe he passed a sign he shouldn't have three blocks down - in either case, he's god knows where away from the Uchiha compound and will absolutely be late for practice with Itachi if he doesn't find his way home soon.

And no, he's absolutely not tearing up at the thought of being lost or missing practice with his brother, no matter how busy Itachi is. Or how the wind groans through hollows of old trees. It's midday, there's nothing to be afraid of.

Moreover, he'd be enrolled in the academy soon, trained to be a shinobi worthy of Father's praise. He shouldn't be afraid.

Still, he'd been wandering aimlessly for hours in this lonely part of town without another soul in sight. So Sasuke catches his breath on a bench with a sleeping stranger on the opposite end. Or at least, he thought they were asleep. Their eyes were closed and they sat with their arms and legs crossed, leaned back - although he couldn't imagine it was very comfortable.

If it was a little colder, Sasuke could imagine snow piling high on their head and shoulders, giggling at the thought. The voice that came out of them spooked his wariness back into place.

"Are you lost, Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke tried his best to hold his own against the golden, almost cat-like, gaze that opened to greet him, determined not to look away in an attempt not to look weak, "N-No! I just.. I'm resting for a bit."

He could recognize the older boy now—boy? The adults referred to his gender differently sometimes, though he never looked happy when they did—Sasuke didn't know him by name but knew that he was Shisui's team mate because they'd hang around his older brother from time to time; it was this person, and the other one Sasuke didn't really like because they had a scary face.

Though now that he thought about it, Father's face kind of fell that way naturally, too.

"Alright."

The not-quite-stranger replied after a beat, closing his eyes and resuming his nap like he hadn't woken up in the first place. That was another thing that Sasuke didn't like about Shisui's team mate - he was almost always flat from tone to expression and impossible to get a read on in the few, sparing interactions Sasuke had had with him.

The silence they sat in bothered the jonin or his nap none.

It would be dark soon and Sasuke's hands were starting to get cold, even through the little mittens Mother made him put on that morning; grateful that she did now even if he did complain at the door. And - to add insult to injury - his stomach made an audible grumble as Sasuke clutched it, angry at his body for the perceived betrayal.

Before Sasuke could stumble out his embarrassed, flustered excuse, the stranger stood to stretch and yawn - but held out a hand to him, "I'm going to see Shisui, want to come? Itachi-kun might be there." It was way passed the agreed upon meeting time with his brother, he'd let precious training time slip through his fingers for as silly a reason as getting lost. Sasuke nodded in agreement.

"You can call me Tae, by the way," he added as they walked, Sasuke only murmured in response.

They ambled in silence, though not quite as awkward as the first time, it was obvious from any passing observers that they weren't close. The kid was obviously upset, nuzzling the red tip of his nose into his scarf in defiance of his "defeat". But even as he struggled to match Tae's long strides, he still had enough pride not to take the lanky teenager's hand or ask him to slow down, for that matter.

Too lost in his own thoughts, Sasuke slipped on a damp portion of slate and would be halfway down the riverbank if it wasn't for the hand that grabbed the back of his collar at the last minute. Sasuke felt himself flush, only vaguely registering the question of if he was alright and giving an equally dismissive answer as he gathered himself.

This was the second time today he'd done something embarrassing in front of someone he didn't know, he wanted to slide into the river completely and disappear. Tae's fingers were icy against the back of his neck, Sasuke rubbed at it to transfer some heat back.

Catching it out of the corner of his eye, Tae knelt down to the kid's height, holding out his palms, "Lend me your hands for a second, Sasuke-kun. I'll show you a trick Gen—someone important, taught me."

He was initially hesitant, of course, but Sasuke placed his palms against the older boy's after a moment of thought; his face then lit up in awe as the faint blue glow of chakra enveloped their hands, momentarily spreading a comforting mellowness throughout both their bodies.

"How.. how are you doing that?" Tae smiled at the kid's amazement, watching the light in his eyes dance with hues of blue, almost warmer than the gentle heat circulating through their systems.

"They say this is possible no matter what chakra type you have because there's chakra in all of us, it keeps us going. It's our life force - just like the will of fire, no?"

"Teach me how!" Sasuke suddenly exclaimed, determination in his eyes reflecting across soft features even though his eyebrows were knit. It almost looked like he was pouting - and Tae couldn't help the peel of laughter that escaped him at the thought, only increasing when Sasuke protested with squawks that he was to be taken seriously—as an Uchiha!

"Maybe not now, it's getting dark," Tae ruffled that ridiculous little duck tail as he stood, "but how does tomorrow before lunch sound?"

Sasuke was prepared for the dismissal he'd gotten used to, his forehead wrinkling preemptively for the errant poke he'd usually get by now; but when it never came, he looked up with hopeful, curious eyes, "Wait, do you mean it?"

"I don't see why not, Rio and I will be at Shisui's anyway. We can play for a while."

Tae wasn't smiling anymore, but his resting expression seemed just that much kinder to Sasuke. He balled up his fists in his sweater, willing to overlook important shinobi training being referred to as "playtime" just this once. Just this once, his needs weren't being held at arm's length.

"Sasuke!"

Sasuke's train of thought, what words he was perhaps struggling to say, fizzled out as Itachi called out him from across the way, Shisui lagging behind him at a much slower pace. "There you are." He shrinks under the authority in his brother's voice, ready to offer a half-hearted apology like the guilty pup that tore up his owner's favorite couch cushion, when Itachi brings him into a hug.

"I was so worried. Don't ever run off like that again."

Like that, Sasuke's reminded of why he ended up on the far side of Kohona again. He'd gotten into a fight with Itachi about never spending time with him because Itachi was being rushed off during breakfast to some important thing with the clan again, unsure if he could even make their kunai practice later. So he'd bolted without looking back.

Now, being tightly held by his brother in a near-vacant district of the village, all of Sasuke's worries are assuaged. Well—most of them, for now.

"Thank god we found you when we did, this—this one," finally catching up to them, one hand on his knees to catch his breath and the other pointing a teasing thumb at his junior, "was on the verge of bothering the Hyuga clan for a spare Byakugan user."

"Is that so.." Shisui laughed between coughs, Tae rubbed his back and once they were upright again, the look they shared hinted that they probably were more than team mates. The kiss they shared after, that Itachi's hands shielded Sasuke's precious, innocent eyes from, was the confirmation no one asked for.

Sasuke was carried home to a hot meal with the backdrop of Shisui's light chatter, Tae tried to decline the offer - feeling like he imposed on them with Fugaku's watchful eye always trained to the back of his head - but Mito insisted, following a sharp elbow to her husband's ribs, that it was the least they could do for him after he kept their youngest company all day.

Shisui, of course, was always welcome over as Itachi's best friend, and - over the course of the night - Mito teased Shisui into oblivion over his budding relationship; it directed at both of them but Shisui seemed to be the only one her well-natured jabs actually flustered.

(When he got home later that night, Tae buried his face in a pillow and kicked his feet off the edge of his bed.)

[purple-iris]

From what I've learned in the past 4 years of life is that you never truly stop to love the people you loved. I've lost my two closest friends in a go, back then, and I miss them both.

You grow, you change, sometimes your friendship ends in a blaze and you never talk to one another ever again, but in the quiet of night, I think about those moments we shared, and I do miss the people we were and the time we had. Not that I wished to be a kid again, or to not grow and change, but the connection we shared, that was priceless.

If I could tell you I'm sorry and I miss you I would, but we both hurt each other and I'm afraid that would sound fake. It's not. I was young and stupid, and said stuff I wish I hadn't. I have also been hurt, but if anything, I want to tell you I've forgiven you.

I'm not even angry anymore. It took time, gosh so much time and pain and even rage sometimes but I've healed. I'm at peace with it. Now I'm nostalgic of our good times without being angry at the ending and the awful end of school year after I spent in a sort of daze.

(Do you know how often I've walked in our spots by the woods and cried? Do you know how often I screamed because deep down I was just so sad that I lost you two?)

(Do you know sometimes I dream and it's the three of us, as if nothing happened, as if we're still three kids singing in the school hall and being annoying.)

(Do you know I turn in crowds because I think I've seen either one of you? I haven't seen you since I've graduated college, and I think you may both have gone away for Uni, but I still sometime hope, because I don't want our last look to be a dismissive stare on my part because I was still so angry even back then (coming to peace with things takes time, I had to learn some lessons the hard way too) but I want to see you, and to smile and nod and feel a bit better about what I said and did.)

(I thought you should know that, maybe someday I'll tell you)

One of you did contact me after, and we texted a bit. I wasn't ready yet to acknowledge all that I've written here, or even talk aloud. Today I am, today I'm writing this, and editing, and adding and maybe I'll write it down, and idk mail it? Email it? Either way I'll see.

What I do know is that I don't love by halves, and that while romance ain't my forte, friendships are the most precious thing to me and what we had is still treasured, to this day. Don't you ever dare to think you aren't loved, because you are. I love you still.

To finish, I miss you both, but most of all I just hope that you're doing okay.

[theelderhazelnut]

OC Interview

A huge thank you to @black-dragon-posting for tagging me <3

Tagging: @vivilovespink @darialovesstuff @bar10du @huepazu @scentedcandleibex @confidentandgood @aliyaaaepel3 @loverofthewindgod @ninibear3000 @roofgeese @orbitinytheworld @krysta-cross @loreoflemons @detectivelokis @captastra @zoetheneko @isabellawaites

Ombra impatiently checked the white clock hanged on the wall. "How long is this going to take?" She asked the interviewer while maintaining a flat face.

"Not more than fifteen minutes." The interviewer observed the pile of papers in his hands, grinning widely at the thoughts racing in his head. "This documentary is going to be very much different from the previous ones we produced."

"How come?"

"You will soon find out, Miss Ombra." The interviewer gestured to the cameramen. "Cameras? Okay, Let's begin!"

Basics

"Name?"

"Are you asking for my real name? It's Golnaz. And my last is Zomorodian"

"Are you single?"

"No, I am currently in a relationship with one of the most powerful sorcerers among the realms." An uncontrollable toothy smile appeared on her lips.

"Are you happy?"

"I try to be. But uh-" Ombra slightly frowned. "I have to be. This is the least I can do in order to not make my life a literal hell."

"Are you angry?"

Ombra drops her head, letting out a silent smirk. "Only plants are not angry."

"Are your parents still married?"

Ombra nodded a "yes".

9 Facts

"Birth place?"

"Hamedan, Iran. You can read it thoroughly from my eyes."

"Hair color?"

"Do I really need to say this?" She took a wavy strand of her lose ponytail to the front and continued. "Dark brown. You may think it's black, but it reveals its true color under the sunlight."

"Eye color?"

Ombra wrinkled her lips in slight annoyance. "Chocolate brown. Very much dark as well. But it changes. If I utilize an enormous amount of my Metalrealmer energy, it changes to cyber yellow."

"Birthday?"

"November twenty sixth."

"Mood?"

"At this moment? Well, curious I think. Curious to know what happens at the end."

"Gender?"

"I'm half-female half-neutral. I do feel totally neutral sometimes." She paused for a moment then continued. "Do I have to elaborate?"

"Summer or Winter?"

Her eyes brightened. "That's a tough question. Eh...I prefer both. I don't know. The fresh air and the longer days in Summer hypes up my mood."

"Morning or Afternoon?"

"Definitely afternoon. Every single living thing falls in a relaxing silence in that time. And it's just me running around in the base." Ombra let out a soft chuckle.

Eight Things About Your Love Life

"Are you in love?"

"Yes, I am. With myself. No no no, I won't deny that, but yes. I am in love with another person."

"Do you believe in love at first sight?"

"No. If you feel totally attached to someone in the very first sight, and all of a sudden crave them desperately, you are undoubtedly mentally ill."

"Who ended your last relationship?"

"There wasn't any."

"Have ever broken someone's heart?"

Ombra nodded in agreement. "And I have zero regrets. Of course, I'm not sure how many times I did because, well, maybe some of them were unintentional."

"Are you afraid of commitments?"

"Only when it's about Quan Chi, I guess. Not being to fulfill my promises to him is an absolute nightmare. I don't want to be a fake manipulator."

"Have you hugged someone within the last week?"

"As far as I remember I only hugged Quan Chi. But please don't be afraid if you want to hug me." She calls to no one.

"Have you ever had a secret admirer?"

"I'm not sure if this counts, but I'm gonna say Quan Chi. He did nothing a secret admirer would do." She shrugged. "But still."

"Have you ever broken your own heart?"

"This sounds weird, but no. It isn't easy to break my heart. You must be something so precious to me to be able to do that." She leant her chin on her palm. "I'm not saying that I'm not precious to myself."

Six Choices

"Love or Lust?"

"Both."

"Lemonade or Iced tea?"

"I choose iced tea. It tastes more like water, and responses to my thirst perfectly."

"Cats or dogs?"

"You have no idea what kittens can do to me."

"A few best friends or many regular friends?"

"I am not so professional in taking care of acquaintances, so the answer is obvious."

"Wild night out or romantic night in?"

"It entirely depends on my mood and physical energy. A wild night out with Quan Chi is literally a life-death situation which requires great physical energy. Sadly, I use most of that energy at work, so it's a romantic relaxing night in ninety percent of the time."

"Day or night?"

"My preference changes all the time about this. I'm not going to give you a firm answer."

Four Have You Evers

"Been caught sneaking out?"

"When I was a child, home was the safest place for me, so I technically had no reason to sneak out. But as an adult? No."

"Fallen down/up the stairs?"

"I'm always careful." Ombra lowered her tone to almost a whisper. "But I'm secretly afraid of it ever happening."

"Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt?"

"Not someone. Something."

"Wanted to disappear?"

"Yes and no."

Four Preferences

"Smile or eyes?"

"Eyes tell a different story. It way harder to fake your eyes movements and the truth behind them than faking your smile." She shrugged. "Also they're more beautiful."

"Shorter or taller?"

"You mean my own height? Well, of course, taller. Much taller."

"Intelligence or attraction?"

"Intelligence can also bring about attraction. In fact, intelligence can bring about almost anything, so I think attraction is not enough on its own."

"Hook-up or relationship?"

"It's disgusting to me to touch someone who I just met, so I say relationships, obviously."

Family

"Do you and your family get along?"

Ombra nodded. "I was lucky that I was born in a functional family."

"Would you say you have a messed-up life?"

Ombra frowned, staring at the distance. "Depending on how you look at it, I do have a chaotic life, but it's no "messed up". However, it's on the edge of it, and it only requires a snap of my finger."

"Have you ever run away from home?"

"Not from the building of my home, but I did technically run away from my country. To survive."

"Have you ever gotten kicked out?"

"My family love me. No matter what I do." A bitter smile curved her lips.

Friends

"Do you secretly hate one of your friends?"

"What kind of a question is this? Do you intend to expose me?"

"No no! Absolutely not! You can skip this one!"

Ombra's eyes darkened. "I don't. I can't stand keeping someone I despise so close to me."

"Do you consider all your friends good friends?"

"I deliberate before choosing them."

"Who is your best friends?"

"There's three of them. My sister, Quan Chi and Menace." (@vivilovespink)

"Who knows everything about you?"

"My sister and Quan Chi. Menace knows too much, too." She chuckled lightly. "It's just that he's the last best friend I found, so we need more time. Y'know, not everything can be told."

"That should be it. Thank you for giving us your time, Miss Ombra."

"You're welcome." She responded, and watched the three men leave the room as they chatted cheerfully. "This show's gonna definitely rock it!"

[charmingbrute]

ok you win, Ignore the last one pls, do [ LOVE ] for ares instead >:3c

[ LOVE ]:     the writer begins the first of a series of love letters to the recipient.

Beloved Hythlodaeus,

How goes the life of the Bureau of the Architect's Chief? Engaging, I hope. You have been in my thoughts, for all the good it has done me since I have left. To my surprise, I cannot help but worry about your well-being. You've been direly missed and I truthfully wish I could be there with you as we were before.

Not to take away to the root of the matter. I must mention that I am alarmingly concerned about your habits and routines of late. Allow me to ask, have you been taking care of yourself properly? Are you eating well and getting sufficient rest? It's effortless to get caught up in work and our responsibilities. Likewise, there is also value in prioritizing your health and peace.

I'm here, far as I am at present. I shall support you amidst the distance and help you in any way possible for myself. I desire for you to be at your absolute best and nothing less. If it's within my power, it will be done. So, take this as a firm reminder to look after yourself. No, it is not a request. When I return, I will know if you have not done so.

Your laugh in my mind ever comforts me, Ares

-

One and Only Hythlodaeus,

It has been some time since my last letter. You'll have to forgive me as I haven't been able to conjure them in regular intervals due to my presence being in so demand. Believe you me, it is not a boast. I am honestly finding it troublesome. Still, your dearly occupied Ares has found a moment to tell you that you still mean a lot to me. Always in my mind do you wander tirelessly with your silly, little feet.

Yesterday, as I was familiarizing myself through a field so distant from home, I came across a beautiful flower. It was a perfect example of grace and beauty, and who else would it remind me of but you? Just like this aforementioned flower, you bring brightness and color to my life. You are a fine breath of fresh air in a world that can sometimes be dull, painful to live through and monotone.

The way the sun shone upon this precious flower was akin to your smile lighting up a room. Your laughter like the soft rustling of leaves, and your gentle touches alike the gentle breeze which caressed the petals. A symbol of hope, joy, and love amidst this barren place. You are this flower upon the field.

You must always know that you are loved and appreciated by me. The happiness and beauty you naturally bring into my life is to not be underestimated, and I cannot be aught but grateful for it. You know me. I do not believe in such a thing as luck, but if I were a lucky man, your being mine is the testatement to it. We shall see each other again, you and I.

Sleep early and be not like me, Ares

-

Hythlodaeus,

What is this that I hear that you've been overexhausting yourself in the many days that have passed? I understand very well that you are wholly driven and dedicated to your work, but what did I say in my prior letter about self-care being just as valuable? Your health and well-being. Top prioty or someone will pay for this carelessness of yours.

I cannot express how angry and frustrated I am for your sake. Do not giggle, I know you are making that face right now as you read this and find humor in my scolding. You deserve to have a proper balance between life and work, and to be treated with the utmost respect and dignity. I am aware that you've been putting in long bells and sacrificing your own needs for the sake of the Star. It is not worth it. Listen to me for once. Whatsoever happened to you doing the scolding between us? Must you give me further reasons to abandon my station to teach you a lesson?

I am here for you and I will always support your every decision. However, you cannot expect yourself to reastically do this by your lonesome. Write more letters to me if you must. I ought to help you in any way I am able, whether it is just being a listening or venting ear, or offering to help with your own frustrations. So take a mindful step back and focus on yourself for a change. There'll be none that can blame you. If they do, direct them to me. I have faith in your strength, capabilities and intelligence, but really now? You are making me think of you the more foolish man between us.

Do not make me come home earlier than I must, Ares

-

Sourface Hythlodaeus,

Take that frown off of your handsome face, will you? I've just returned, yet you already appear more tired of me than your responsibilities. I simply wanted to take a moment to speak about our recent conversation pertaining to the shark concepts. I understand that you are exhausted of hearing about them, but I cannot help it, I find them most fascinating!

You might not understand this curiosity of mine with these magnificent creatures, but they have always been a source of inspiration and wonder for me ever since you spoke of the many concepts your colleagues have fashioned. Their strength, agility, variety and intelligence are truly remarkable. It is a gift to this Star!

You're not fond of them, this I know. Still, I would most love for you to give them another chance. Mayhaps we can go to the Words of Mitron and have a closer look of these amazing creations. In time, you'll come to accept their potential and find them as fascinating as we all do. I ask more of your patience and understanding in this matter. I can be a touch enthusiastic about my own interests. Fear not, I promise to respect your feelings and opinions if it truly cannot be changed. I want us to share and partake in each other's interests, not merely tolerate them, different they may be.

You are my beloved and closest friend, Ares

-

'Old Friend' Hythlodaeus

In spite of our time together, you still call me that. So, allow me reciprocate. How goes my old friend? This old friend of yours wanted to take a moment to reflect on our first kiss. Do you recall that day? It was a bright afternoon, and we were sitting on a bench in Amaurot, as old friends are wont to do. The lights were blinding, and the birds were singing, but all I could focus on was you.

As I looked into your most gorgeous eyes, I knew that our lips had to meet. I leaned in, and we have kissed in the most perfect and gentle way ever possible. Such a moment is difficult to forget. If you have, I'll recreate that moment to remind you, for it is the moment wherein I have come to accept that you have stolen my heart. Dirty, little thief, you.

Each time I reminisce about it, I am overwhelmed by the happiness and love that sits within me. You make me want to sing, and every noise in the background becomes a melody dedicated to you. So, how about we make more memories like that, old friend? Our hands clasped together, your skin on mine, and tell me again how I'm your dearest old friend? No, I am not pouting. I find this habit of yours charming in a way.

Your old friend forevermore, Ares

[the-doctor-3000]

𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐄𝐧𝐝 𝐎𝐟 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞 {Doctor Who Fanfic}

Chapter 3: The Forest of Fear

The Doctor was sitting, and muttering furiously as he worked at his bonds. Emma, on the meantime, tried to remain calm as she looked around for anything that could release her and the others from their bonds.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, It’s all my fault. I'm desperately sorry. . . ." said the Doctor.

"Oh, don't blame yourself, Grandfather."

"Even so. . ." Emma started, still looking around. "It happened now. We cannot change that. So instead of apologizing and blaming yourself, I say help us to leave." She noticed something. "Look at those, look at them. . ."

A skull lied next to them with a hole smashed in at the top of its head. Ian noticed it as well and said, "Yes, they're all the same. They've been split wide open. . . ."

Ian started using one of the many small rocks on the floor to try and saw away at Barbara's binds. Susan crawled over to him, carrying another rock. "I've found another piece with a rough edge. . ."

He eased off with a sigh of relief and took the rock. "Oh, thank you." He tried it on Barbara's bonds, then groaned and tossed it aside. "Oh, it's no good! It keeps crumbling. . ."

"Oh, it's hopeless. Hopeless. Even if we do get free, we shall never move that stone."

Emma remained quiet for a couple of minutes before she realized something. "Where. . . There's air coming in here from somewhere."

Ian took her words into account and begun scanning the cave with his eyes."Miss Jones is right!"

"Yes, there is! I can feel it on my face!" said Barbara excitedly and Emma stood up and went to help the two.

"It may only be a small opening. Don't count on it. . . ."

The Doctor scoffed, "Oh, you obviously are."

The tips of Emma's ears grew hot and glared at the Time Lord. "You are the smartest being in the universe! But it's beyond me that you don't know that even the slightest bit of hope is better than none! So I suggest you to stop criticising us and do something! Help us all to get out of here." She tried Barbara's bonds, then threw the rock away with an angry huff. "Blast it!"

"Oh, the stone's no good!!" Ian said, also frustrated.

"Well don't give up, you two. Please." Barbara said.

After a pause he responded, "All right."

He and Emma started searching the ground again.

"No, no, don't waste time. Try those bones. They may. . . t-they're sharper, perhaps." the Doctor said.

"That's a good idea."

"Oh Grandfather, I knew you'd think of something!" Susan praised her grandfather.

Emma gave him an odd look. "We just wasted precious time on trying with the rock, why didn't you that sooner?!"

"Oh, I didn't think you'd have cared." he said, feigning guilt. "This is, after all, a dream to you. Why do you care if you wasted time when this isn't real to you?"

There was another pause. The Doctor was taunting her but Emma did not think much of it and said, "Good point."

The Doctor sighed, "We must all take it in turns and try and cut his hands free."

"But surely we should get the girls. . ." said Ian.

"No, no, no, we've got to free you first! You're the strongest, and you may have to defend us." The Doctor, using a fragment of bone, was starting to make progress on Ian's binds. He stopped, panting. He handed the fragment to Susan. "Susan, you have a go. My arms are tired."

Susan nodded. "All right."

She started on the binds as the Doctor lied back with a groan. "And don't think of failure."

"What?" Barbara asked him.

"Well, try to remember, if you can, how you and the others got here. Concentrate on that please."

"Yes, yes, I'll try." She blinked and realized something. "You're, you’re trying to help me."

"Yes. Well, fear makes companions of all of us, Miss Wright."

"I never once thought you were afraid."

"Fear is with all of us, and always will be. Just like that other sensation that lives with it."

"What's that?"

"Oh, your companion referred to it. Hope. Hope, Miss Wright."

Sometime later Barbara was working at the cords on Ian's hands now. The younger girls were trying to bite theirs off. Theirs gazes fell upon a hollow in the cave wall - Susan cried out in alarm and Emma yelped. Some bushes and twigs in the hollow were moving, with a shadow visible within. With a grunt of effort, the Old Mother pushed aside the small portcullis of branches that had covered her secret entrance.

She stared at the five. You. . . .will not. . .make fire. I will set you free, if you will go away and not make fire. Fire will bring trouble and death to the tribe."

The Doctor nodded. "There will be no fire."

Suddenly, grunting sounds came from outside. The five travellers were freed from their bindings, Susan last of all.

"Hurry. Hurry!! You must go across the top and into the trees. . ."

The five climbed through the secret entrance, Emma helped Susan out.

Through the dark forest maze, the group ran toward the TARDIS and safety. Barbara was in the lead, with Susan, Emma and Ian following and the Doctor bringing up the rear. But the old male was losing breath, and he sagged against a tree.

"Stop. . . stop. . . just a minute. . . let me get my. . . ." the Doctor breathed heavily.

"We can't stop here!" said Ian.

"Just a moment. . . ."

"Look, we've got to go further on."

"I know, I know that but I must get breathe. . . I must breathe. . ."

"Try, try! I shall have to carry you."

"Oh, there's no need for that! Don't be so childish - I'm not senile - just let me get my breath for a moment. . . ."

Susan moved to take the Doctor's arm over her own and helped him on his way. "Oh, Grandfather, come on. . ."

"Yes. . . I'm not so young, you know. . . . ."

"I know."

As they started on, a very nervous Barbara got by Ian and Emma. "Are you sure this is the right way?"

Ian nodded. "Yes, I think so."

Barbara's voice started shaking. "I can't remember. I. . .I simply can't remember. . . ."

She broke down, sobbing on Ian's chest. He pat her back reassuringly. Emma gave her a small comforting smile, "Oh, Miss Wright, it's going to be alright! We're free! That's something, right?"

"I believe you're right, yes. . ." Emma thought that she wasn't going to say anything else and started walking forward until. . . "Emma?" She stopped at the sound of her name and looked over her shoulder to Barbara. "Do you. . . Do you happen to know if we make it or not?"

The noirette thought about it for a moment and replied, "Considering that this show has been running for nearly sixty years, I believe that we'll make it!"

That brought some comfort to Barbara and she calmed back down. Still holding on to her, Ian started back after the Doctor and Susan and Emma - but an echoing bellow stopped the two schoolteachers cold. They forced themselves to go onward.

Some time went by and our travellers were dirty, sweaty, and exhausted. Yet still they forced themselves through the thickets. And their pace was growing more uncertain.

"I'm sure I remember this place. . . but we didn't come round it. We went across it." said Susan.

"Yes, th-th-there was a sort of trail. . . ." said Barbara.

"If that's true, we must be quite near the ship.' said Ian and he turned to the male Time Lord. "How are you feeling?"

He simply waved him away. "Oh, I'm all right. Don't keep looking upon me as the weakest state of the. . ."

Barbara suddenly stopped, gasping in terror. Ian grabbed her, looking where she was looking. "What‘s the matter?"

"I don’t know. I don’t know. Something over there, in the bushes. . ."

The Doctor was trying to hide his own fright. "Oh, what nonsense!"

"The bushes moved! I saw them! I saw them! Oh, we're never going to get out of this awful place! Never, never, never. . ."

Ian hugged her, trying to calm her down.

Susan turned to the Doctor, "What do you think she could have seen, Grandfather?"

"No! Sheer nonsense, child. Imagination."

". . .no we won't. We're going to get back to the ship, and then we'll be safe." Ian said to Barbara who was sobbing.

"Oh Ian, what's happening to us?"

"Look, Barbara! We got out of the cave, didn't we?"

A growl rumbled through the forest but nobody seemed to have heard or they were far too tired to concern themselves with this. Emma was rubbing her legs as an attempt to stay warm. It was a bad time for her to wear shorts.

"I’m so cold." said Susan who was also trying to warm herself.

Emma, knowing that she would probably regret it, sighed as she removed her hoodie and gave it to Susan. "Here, this will do for now." And she was right, she already regretted her choice. Not only was she wearing shorts but also a sleeveless shirt. The hoodie was the only thing that was keeping her warm from her waist and up. "Just-- Just, if you can, make sure my stuff won't fall out the pocket. 'Kay?"

Susan accepted the hoodie gratefully with a weak smile. "Thank you, Emma." She held the younger girl's coat and helped her put the hoodie on. Then she gave her the coat. She asked her if it was alright. Susan nodded, "Yes. Thanks."

Mopping his head with a handkerchief and slightly ignoring the conversation between his granddaughter and the strange female, he said. "Oh, I'm hot with all this exertion."

"We'll rest for a couple of minutes." said Ian.

"Oh, good. Is there any chance of them following us?" asked Susan.

"I expect so./Certainly." both the Doctor and Emma said simultaneously.

"Yes. That's why I don't want to stop here too long." said Ian.

"Do you think I want to?" said the Doctor.

"No. We'll change the order - you and Susan go in front, Barbara, Emma and I will bring up the rear. Susan seems to remember the way better than any of us."

The Doctor snorted. "You seem to have elected yourself leader of this little party."

"There isn't time to vote on it."

"Just as long as so you understand that I won't follow your orders blindly. . ."

"If there were only two of us, you could find your own way back to the ship!"

"Aren’t you are a tiresome young man!"

"And you're a stubborn old man! But you will lead, the girls in between, and I'll bring up the rear because that's the safest way! Barbara was probably right. I thought I heard something when we stopped back there."

"Oh, sheer imagination."

"Why are you so confident about it!?"

"Cause I won't allow myself to be frightened out of my wits by mere shadows. That's all!"

"Oh alright!"

He stormed away from Ian and back to the three huddled women who were sat on the ground. Ian followed. Susan put her hands into Emma's hoodie and felt the items which were in the pocket. A part of her wanted to take them out and see what they were but she thought it'd be best if she didn't. Though she planned on asking Emma later about it. Speaking of Emma, Susan looked at the female in question.

She blurted out, "Emma?" She looked at her and hummed in acknowledgement. "Why do you still believe that you are dreaming?"

She did not respond. Not at first at least. "It just doesn't make any sense to me. I mean, as I said, this is a television show. . . It can't be, well, real. I grew up watching the series. Well. . . The 2005 one and on but still." Susan pinched her on the arm. Emma winced and rubbed the place where she had been pinched. "Ouch!" She looked at Susan with wide eyes. "What was that for?"

"Sorry, but some humans say that if you pinch yourself when you're dreaming then you wake up."

"It hurts!"

"If it were a dream would it hurt?"

Emma opened her mouth to respond but realization dawned on her and she closed it with a distraught look. She looked down at her hands, she rubbed her legs, and did not speak again. What could she even say? 

Many things were going through her head, but she had to sort them out later. When they weren't in this situation. 

An hour passed and the travellers were still resting. Chesterton was the first one to get to his feet. "I think we'd better get going. Doctor, will you lead?"

The Doctor, still fanning himself with the handkerchief, got up. "Yes, yes yes yes."

"Come on, Barbara." He helped her up but as they started onward, Brabara stumbled and fell with a groan upon a bush. Right in front of the blood-splattered warthog. She screamed at the sight and Ian helped her to her knees, and held her. "Barbara, Barbara. . ."

Susan touched the creature gingerly. "A dead animal."

"It's just been killed. And by a larger animal too!" said the Doctor.

The rustling of branches alerted Ian and Emma. Ian turned to the group, "Shhh. That must be them. They've followed us - quick, quick, over there!" The party rushed across the path and out of sight. A few moments later, Za and Hur appeared. The travellers were perched behind a tree, watching the two cautious tribes-people. "Keep down, and not a sound. . ."

Za and Hur turned in a complete circle, scanning the shrubbery for any sign of the four strangers. The sound of a growl could be heard. Hur squinted at something and started forward but Za stopped her. "Wait! There is danger. I will go."

Hefting his axe, he started in the direction Hur had indicated. He moved slowly, toward a rustling bush that suddenly moved. Both tribes-people screamed as the creature pounced on him. The party watched in horror as the sounds of struggle and terror reached them. They climbed as one to their feet..

"Quick, now's our chance! Let's get away! Run!"

"We cannot just let them die!" Emma protested. "We have to help them."

"Miss Jones, this is not the time---"

Barbara grabbed at Ian. "I agree with Miss Jones. I don't care what they've done!!"

"Barbara!" Hur was sobbing nearby. "Barbara, Miss Jones, come on!"

She shook her head violently. "I think he's dead. . .there isn't any danger."

"Barbara! For heaven’s sake!"

"No!"

Emma helped Barbara to rip free of Ian and they ran towards the cavepeople, Ian lunged after the two female.

"I'm going too. . ." Susan said but the Doctor tried to hold her back.

"Susan, you stay here with me. . ."

"No, Grandfather, we can't le. . ."

"Silence, we're going back to the ship!"

"No!"

She also pushed herself towards the wounded tribesman.

"What are you doing!? They must be out of their minds!!"

The battle was over, and the creature had retreated back into the wood. Za was lying prone, moaning, his chest criss-crossed with jagged claw wounds. Hur was hunched over him, howling sounds of grief. She reacted as Ian approached, knife in hand. "No, keep away!"

"Let me look at him."

"No!"

"I am your friend, you understand? Friend. I want to help you."

Hur looked uncertain. "Friend. . . .?"

"I want water."

"Water. . ."

"Go and fetch some water for his wounds." said Emma as she knelt beside Ian.

Hur paused for a moment, she decided and pointed behind her. "Water is there."

"Please, show me." said Barbara. She turned to Ian. "Give me your handkerchief."

He got his handkerchief out. "There you are."

Barbara took it and led Hur with her out of view. Ian and Emma opened the caveman's furs wider to take a better look at the wounds. The Doctor still stood by their hiding spot. A pleading look from Susan finally brought him up to the rest of the party. Hur and Barbara returned with the now wet handkerchief.

"Is he all right...?" asked Susan in worry.

"I think so." said Ian.

Emma pulled the stone axe out of Za's hand. The stone blade was noticeably missing. "He must have buried his axe-head in the animal." She took the handkerchief from Barbara. She looked at Ian. "I'll give it back, Mr. Chesterton."

He nodded and Emma squeezed it over Za's chest, dripping water down on the wounds. Barbara had wet down her own handkerchief and used it on Za's forehead.

"Water comes out of the skin!" Hur said in amazement.

Ian laughed. "Yes." Emma wiped away at the chest wounds. "I think most of this is the animal's blood."

"Oh, good." said Susan.

"There's a scar on the side of his head. . ." Barbara said.

"Well, we've lost our chance of getting away." Ian said, then, amused, he turned to Barbara. "Your flat must be littered with stray cats and dogs. . ."

"They are human beings, Ian."

"Yes."

He touched a raw spot, making Za moan loudly. The two schoolteachers and Emma tried to keep him still as Hur whimpered. The Doctor stepped forward. "What exactly do you think you're doing?"

"Have you got any antiseptic in the ship?"

Susan nodded. "Yes, lots."

"One minute ago, we were trying desperately to get away from these savages---" said the Doctor, only to be interrupted by Ian.

"All right. Now we're helping them. You're a doctor, do something!"

He scoffed. "I'm not a doctor of medicine."

Susan piped in, "Grandfather, we can make friends with them.

"Oh don't be ridiculous, child!"

Emma and Barbara were fuming with rage. The latter was about to speak but the former was far angrier that she beat her to it. "Will you stop that?! Why do you treat everybody and everything as something less important than yourself!?"

"You're trying to say that everything you do is reasonable and everything I do is inhuman. But I'm afraid your judgement's at fault here, Miss Jones. Not mine."

"I can't believe it." scoffed Emma with a dry laugh and looked into his eyes as she continued. "I am not saying what we do is logical. Me, Mr. Chesterton and Miss Wright are just doing what is humane. This is humanity! You--- You have two hearts! What's the point in having them if you can't show a little compassion?!"

Ian and Barbara froze at the news. Wait, two hearts? The Doctor was momentarily stunned by her response, his breath shaking a little but he quickly collected himself and said rather coldly, "Haven't you realised if these two people can follow these, or any of these people can follow us, the whole tribe might descend upon us at any moment?"

"The tribe is asleep!" Hur said.

"And what about the old woman who cut our bonds, hmm? You understand?"

Hur thought about it but couldn't add it up. She looked at Ian in confusion. He responded.  "He's right. We're too exposed here." He got up "We'll make a stretcher and carry him."

"You're not going to take him back to the ship?" asked the Doctor, appalled.

Ian took off his coat. "Take your coat off, Barbara. Susan, Emma, try to find me two poles. Long ones, fairly straight."

"The old woman won't give us away. She helped us." said Barbara to the Doctor.

"You think so? They have logic and reason, have they? Can't you see their minds change as rapidly as night and day? She's probably telling the whole tribe at this very moment!"

The efforts to construct a makeshift stretcher continued, but. . . "It's not going to work like this. . ." said Ian.

Susan got up and took off her own coat. Bundling it up into a pillow, she started to put it under Za's head. Hur jumped at her. "Noooo! He is mine!"

Susan jumped back, yelping. She huddled near Emma. "I was only trying to help!!"

"It's alright Susan." Emma said as she gave her a reassuring smile. "You did good." She looked at Hur. "She just doesn't understand that. She is, uh, jealous of you."

"I don't understand what you are doing! You are like a. . .like a mother to the child. Why do you not kill??" asked Hur, sounding rather demanding.

"How can we explain to her? She doesn't understand kindness, friendship. . ." Ian said.

"We will make him well again. We will teach you how to make fire. In return, you show us the way back to. . ..to our cave." said Barbara to Hur, slowly and gently.

Hur was uncertain. She looked down at Za and he spoke very weakly, "Listen to them. They do not kill. . ."

She thought again. Ian decided not to wait for the answer. "Come on, let's get on with this stretcher. Let's try the sleeves inside. . . .that's it. . ."

"Water" Za's voice was hoarse as he spoe.

Hur murmured in the affirmative to him. She got up, only to face the haughty stare of the Doctor. Matching the stare, she went on toward the pool.

"How about giving us a hand, Doctor?" asked Ian who noticed the stare.

The Doctor turned his back on the party. Susan said, "He's always like this if he doesn't get his own way."

Unseen from the rest of the party, a faint smile whispered across the Doctor's face. He turned to face the party again.

"Well, the old woman won't give us away. And now that we've got these two on our side, we should get back to the ship." said Emma though she did not sound certain.

"Yes."

The Doctor knelt down and picked up Za's stone knife but Ian grabbed the Doctor's wrist. "Get your hand off me!"

"What are you doing?"

"W-well, I-I-I was going to get him to draw our way back to the TARDIS."

Glaring suspiciously at the Doctor, Ian let go of him. "We've been too long as it is. Is the stretcher ready?"

"Yes." said Barbara.

"All right." He turned to the Doctor. "You take one end of it."

"You don't expect me to carry him, do you?"

"Do you want the women to do the job for you?"

Snarling, he replied. "Oh, very well!!"

The party gathered around Za. "Right, move him over very carefully. . ." Za groaned as they turned him. Hur cried out in sympathy. "Now, back again, gently. . ."

"Carefully. . ." said Barbara.

They deposited him on the stretcher, using one of the furs to wrap him in.

"Good, good. Right, now Susan, Emma, you get in front with her."

The party had finally reached the end of the forest. They were now in the desert and the sky was now as dark as ink. 

"Hold the branches back, girls.

The two pushed away the last of the tree branches, to a welcome sight which caused Emma to grin widely in relief. The two girls cheered, "The TARDIS! There's the TARDIS!"

Suddenly, several of the tribe rise from places of concealment, their spears ready.

"Back! Get back!" Ian warned them

They turned to face Kal and several cavemen at his side. Barbara screamed.

[foxboyclit]

OC interview tag

ty @space-writes for the tag!

i feel so bad you tagged me in this twice and i haven't gotten around to it due to Bees In My Brain. this one's for Faeyrl, my special little drow

Are you named after anyone?

Not that I know of, or have been told, but drow have big families *shrug*. Wouldn't be surprised if my family recycled names.

2. When was the last time you cried?

A couple days ago, when I found out swans could die of a broken heart...They miss their swan spouse so much they die! That's like... The sweetest and most fucked up thing I've ever heard. Didn't even know swans could love, they're so angry all the time!

3. Do you have kids?

Just one; Risulo's the light of my life, I've cherished all the years being his parent, but I'm never doing that shit again. I don't know if I have the physical or mental capacity to.

4. Do you use sarcasm?

No, I'm very sweet and honest with my feelings no matter what my wife says.

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

How they carry themselves, like their body language and idle mannerisms. Tells you a lot about a person before even talkin' to them, like, I'm more willing to talk to someone who looks comfortable in their skin. Confidence is sexy, what can I say?

6. What's your eye color?

Lilac.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings, deffo. Arlen's tried to show me her weird psychological horror flicks and they scare the shit out of me, I'd much rather curl up with a sappy rom-com and a pint of ice cream.

8. Any special talents?

Oh, just a few; singing, dancing, rollerskating, my sense of style, of course, I play a few instruments, I speak three languages too, how many people can say that?

9. Where were you born?

In Cymbiir, a tiny Underdark town you've probably never heard of.

10. What are your hobbies?

Pretty much everything I've talked about being good at, plus baking, makeup, reading, sometimes I'll help my love with any home projects (keeping her company while she's working and picking out paints totally count).

11. Do you have any pets?

I have a couple rats, Strawberries and Cream and they're my precious little babies. They're so cute, and smart, and very social creatures-how could you not love these little guys?

12. What sports do you play/have played?

My mothers had me and my siblings take up fencing when we were young, I didn't keep up with it like they did, now those fuckers are too good and it's no longer fair. I was on a roller derby team for a hot sec, after that, but I had to quit due to The Incident.

13. How tall are you?

5'4"

14. Favorite subject in school?

Ooh, probably theater or music. I've never been good at the Smart People subjects, and the stuff we had to read in literature classes were always boring, I loved performing 'cause it got all that pent up energy out.

15. Dream job?

I've had a lot of jobs, it's hard to pick one I'd like and haven't done yet...maybe bartending? I think I could make a good cocktail.

no pressure tagging @hyenagirlbulge

[enigmaticexplorer]

Wow. I was not expecting all of these feelings for the weekend.

His captain hadn’t normally been one to raise his voice, but he suspected the volume of the reprimand had been part of the punishment. 

The way you weave in the backstory is SO GOOD. I love learning about Chuckles’ brothers this way.

The entire conversation with Anj was so intense. Chuckles’ doubt had me doubting her (and after last chapter everyone is sus to me) 😅 but she knew about Arni?? And she wants to keep the kids safe?? And she knew about Endi?? Chuckles’ skepticism and fear and his feeling from both Endi and flashbacks to Order 66 was FANTASTIC. Karrde, my heart was racing during this scene.

There had absolutely been days where he’d felt the losses so deeply that he’d considered burning everything down. 

How do you keep write such gut wrenching things? It hurts but in the way that’s good. This is why I read.

You and your kids are special, a symbol of hope in a galaxy turned on its head. I hope they have the future I wanted for my kin. See that they do. And see that Arni keeps that laser sword better hidden. 

Omg I didn’t expect to feel emotional over today but this hits. Knowing Lu lost his family, and in such a horrific way, and he wanted Chuckles and the kids to be okay 😩 And then having Chuckles feel so angry at Lu, at first, since he almost got them killed and Anj being protective of Lu. All of it was so good. I wish I could describe it differently, but I can't. I'm so interested as to what inspired Lu's sacrifice--and is there an intended foil between him and Cilli's kids and Chuck and his kids?

Sometimes, you’re just a spec of flame on the side of a much bigger battle station. Chuckles could feel something sparking in his chest, like a nearly-dead ember being blown upon. He hadn’t felt that spark in over a year, but it felt good, right even. 

These lines? THESE LINES? Idk if you did this on purpose but fuck, it's amazing.

Arni thinking they would have to take care of Nita, that they were alone again, killed me. They're so precious to me, and knowing they knew about Endi the entire time but wanted Chuckles to be happy, so they didn't say anything 😭 Obviously I love the relationship you've developed between Chuckles and Nita, but I especially love this one with him and Arni. Arni needs Chuckle and he's there for them, and it's so bittersweet.

Anyway, I love the way Chuckles remembers Bri and tries to draw her. That was such a poignant moment. The way he remembered the color of her eyes and how the curls fall around her face and her specific smile? That type of appreciation speaks to me on a deeper level and it makes his pain of missing Bri even worse.

One Step at a Time - Part 15

Master List | Previous Part | Next Part

A/N: I have been SO EXCITED for this chapter, and also INCREDIBLY NERVOUS, but HERE IT IS! As always, thank you to the stupendous @teletraan-meets-jarvis for beta reading this for me!

Chapter Rating: M

Warnings: language, mention of suicide, mention of character death, grief

Word Count: 8.4k words

Chuckles didn’t go back to the Starlight.

He didn’t have any idea where his feet were carrying him until he slid onto a stool in the tiny excuse of a cantina the settlement had. As far as he knew, the place had at least three different names, and he’d never been certain which one was the official one. It always seemed to reek of death sticks and sweat, and it attracted mostly miners, leaving smears of dust from their boots across the floor. It wasn’t much, but the camaraderie and feel of the place reminded him of 79s, although the clone bar had definitely been cleaner, even on its worst days.

He wasn’t sure why he’d come here. Throughout his training and the war, he’d had more than enough medical droids warn him against drinking with a concussion, and he’d been stupid enough to ignore that advice only once. The worst hangover of his life combined with the exceptionally loud ass-chewing Crater had given him were enough to ensure he never would make that mistake again. His captain hadn’t normally been one to raise his voice, but he suspected the volume of the reprimand had been part of the punishment. 

Maybe he wanted to be around people, to blend into a crowd. 

Unfortunately, the place was mostly empty. 

Should have guessed that. Could have if my head wasn’t throbbing. 

Only two other patrons were there, tucked into corner booths. Normally, you couldn’t hear the music coming from the rundown player in the corner, but tonight, the notes easily carried across the cantina, cutting through the silence even at their low volume. 

Chuck chose a seat at the far end of the bar, away from the other patrons. He hadn’t gotten a good enough look to determine who they were, but he didn’t want to sit close enough to encourage conversation. Just because he wanted to be around people didn’t mean he actually wanted to interact with them. 

He just didn’t want to feel alone. 

Even with the concussion, he was thinking clearly enough to know he wasn’t ready to go back to the Starlight, to the kids he didn’t have answers for, to the sheets that still smelled like the woman that had just told him killing those kids and the use of inhibitor chips were justified. 

Did she actually say that though?

Chuckles folded his hands and stabbed his thumbs into the crease between his brows, his eyes squeezed shut. 

Stop trying to give her an out. 

He’d always been one to try and justify, to rationalize someone’s bad intentions away in favor of some less malicious reasoning. Crater had teased him about his optimism, but if he was honest, the majority of that optimism had died with Crater and most of his squad. 

But this was Endi. She loved kids, or she at least seemed to tolerate them better than most. She loved to teach. She baked the best desserts he’d ever had. Sunlight sparkled in her eyes and her laugh sounded like music. She was gentle and kind and soft and sweet, and the person he believed her to be simply did not match the woman he’d sat next to tonight. The two women were incompatible in every way, and yet they were the same, and no amount of spin or mental contortions would change the fact that she was a danger to Arni and Nita, a danger to him. 

How did I not see it?

His mind was still churning when he felt someone sit down next to him heavily. He ignored them for a moment before he felt a nudge in his shoulder. 

“I expected a better welcome,” Anj croaked. “You’d think I hadn’t almost died today.” 

He huffed mirthlessly as he tried not to stare. Anj’s head was wrapped in a wad of bandages that hid one eye. The other eye still glittered brightly but sported a massive bruise around the socket, and the cut on her cheek had been bandaged. The arm she had injured was in a sling, and he could see that two of her fingers were splinted. Every movement she made felt slow and carefully calculated, and he’d seen enough injured brothers to be able to see what body parts she was favoring or trying to keep away from scrutiny. In his estimate, she had at least a few injured ribs as well, an ankle that was giving her trouble, and she had all of the same muscle soreness he did. 

If she noticed him tallying her injuries, she didn’t comment. Instead, with her good hand, she slid him an unlabeled green bottle across the worn wooden bartop.

 “It was Lu’s. He kept the strongest stuff in town.” She sighed, her voice breaking slightly. “‘S not strong enough for this, though.” 

Chuckles rolled the bottle between his hands, examining the amber liquid inside. He wasn’t certain she wanted him to ask how she got it. So he didn’t.

“I can’t drink this right now.” He tapped his temple. “Concussed.”

She scoffed, taking the bottle back. “More for me then, I suppose.”

A glass of water brushed Chuckles’s knuckles, and he glanced up to see the barkeep standing on the other side of the counter, watching him carefully. He’d never been certain what species they were and figured it would be rude to guess, but they were at least visibly humanoid, a handful of centimeters taller than Chuck with dark skin and even darker eyes. Their shock of pink hair was woven into tight braids that hung down their back to their waist, and silver piercings sparkled from their nose and ears. They went by Mona and normally, they met their patrons with a smile and joke, but tonight, he could see sadness and sympathy in their eyes. 

Word’s gotten around about what happened.

“Thanks Mona,” he rasped. 

“Let me know if you need more. Anything for you, Anj?” 

The Nautolan raised the bottle she was drinking from wordlessly, and Mona took it, sniffing before wrinkling their nose. 

“I’d normally tell you to take outside shit back outside, but that’s Lu’s isn’t it?” 

Anj nodded, her eyes falling to the wooden bartop. 

“His stuff always could take the lining off your stomach,” Mona said softly, their deep voice suddenly more gravelly. “I’m sorry.”

Anj just nodded again, and Chuckles could see her swallow hard, her teeth digging into her lower lip as her thumb rubbed over the bottle. Mona met Chuck’s eyes one more time before slipping out of view. 

“How’s Hells?” Chuckles asked, hoping the news would be good enough to bring Anj up a little.

“She’ll live. Lost a lot of blood, but we… we got her there in time. A few more minutes, and we’d be having a very different conversation.” 

Chuckles fought off a shudder at the possibility that they’d eluded. 

She’s alive. She’s ok.

“She may never walk unaided again though.” The statement was forced out through gritted teeth, and Anj’s voice broke on the end of the last word. 

“But she’ll walk,” Chuckles said softly. 

“Yeah. Yeah, she will.” Anj rasped with a soft, pained laugh. “Once she woke up, she was already chattering about what sort of cane she’d want, and how I shouldn’t worry because it will make her that much more interesting.” She took a swig from the bottle, hardly flinching at the harshness of the liquor inside. “Her first thought was to comfort me, as if I was the one that almost lost her leg today. As if I was the one that almost bled out in her arms.” She sniffed. “Like I always say, she’s a kindness I never accounted for in my life.”

“Petal?” Chuckles prompted after a moment.

Anj sighed, dropping her voice low as if someone might hear. “The first time she… she touched my face, it was so gentle. I flinched because of my previous partner, but Helly was slow and patient with me. She never pushed me, but it made me want to let her have more of me.” She paused. “There was a tree on one of the small islands near where I grew up on Glee Anselm. I can’t even remember if the island had a name now, but I remember the tree. It would bloom every spring with these pale pink blossoms, and towards summer, it would drop the petals when the wind would pick up. My sister and I loved to run and dance in them when it happened, and that sensation of the petals grazing my cheek, that’s what Helly made me think of the first time she touched my face. So, she’s Petal to me.” 

“Execute Order 66.”

The memory of the tree in the Jedi temple gardens slammed into Chuckles, and tears leapt into his eyes. He swallowed hard, burying that moment of peace and the violence that had followed. 

“That’s… that’s really beautiful, Anj,” he croaked out. 

“So is she,” the Nautolan replied, seemingly not noticing his turmoil or chalking it up to the day they’d both had. 

They sat in silence for a while. Chuckles had a million questions he wanted to ask Anj, but he wasn’t sure if now was the time. She was clearly grieving, and the day’s events had taken a toll on them both. 

But I need to know. I need to know so I can protect the kids. 

“Why’d he do it?” 

The question was out of his mouth before he could overthink it. The Nautolan didn’t meet his gaze, locking her dark eye on the shelves at the back of the bar as if the half-empty bottles were suddenly the most interesting thing in the universe. 

“What makes you think I know?” Her tone was slow, deliberate, just like his had been when he’d been trying to disentangle himself from Endi an hour before. 

“Hells said something in the mine. That she didn’t think he’d do something. That you both didn’t think it.” 

Anj shrugged, taking a drink before answering. 

“Helly was delirious with pain. She didn’t know what she was saying. Surprised she could even get a coherent sentence strung together.”

“Anjii.” Annoyance flared within Chuckles. He leaned closer, dropping his voice low. “I need you to tell me what you know. I need to keep my kids safe, and I can’t do that if I don’t have all the information. I need to know what you know, otherwise you’re putting Arni and Nita in danger.”

Anj said nothing for a moment, but a muscle in her jaw ticked in anger. Her eye darted around the bar one last time, ensuring no one was listening to them before she lowered her voice. 

“I’ve done a hell of a lot to keep your kids safe, Chuckles. More than you’ll ever know.” Her unbandaged eye finally met his, piercing even in the dim lighting. “And I did it without you having to tell me anything you didn’t want to. Even though you didn’t trust me fully.” 

Chuckles shrank back in his seat, his heart thundering in his chest. Anj’s expression softened as she took his reaction in. His mind raced, rapid thoughts bouncing off the pounding throb behind his eyes.

She knows. We have to get out of here. 

He stood. Anj’s good hand clamped around his forearm. 

“Sit,” she hissed. “If you run now, you’ll only make this worse. There’ll be questions. Now, sit.” 

Chuckles stood still, his mind scrambling to pull a stream of logical thoughts together, but panic overwhelmed him. 

What does she know? Who else knows? How long do we have?

“Sit. Down.” 

He sat. 

Anj watched him for a moment before casting another cautious glance around. She leaned in closer, her voice slightly above a whisper.

“The day we helped move the kids down to the hold, Arni ran back up to get one more thing out of the bunk. Now, I was holding the last armful of knick-knacks, so that struck me as odd, but kids sometimes have things stashed, so I thought nothing of it. They came back a few minutes later with something shoved up under their shirt. I didn’t press, but they stumbled on the last step, and that metallic something clattered out onto the floor. I turned, and they were hurriedly shoving it back out of view.” Her tongue darted out to wet her lips. “I’ve seen many weapons in my time, Chuck. Several of the variety they were carrying, although never up close.”

Their lightsaber. She saw their lightsaber.

Chuckles felt like the bottom of his stomach was going to drop out. His mind frantically raced, trying and failing to come up with a believable explanation as to why an eleven-year-old would have a Jedi weapon.

“Anj-”

She raised her hand to cut him off. “I turned away, and as far as they know and as far as I’m concerned, I never saw it. Got it?” 

He nodded, unable to formulate words. 

Her eye was flicking over every centimeter of his face, taking in his reaction, watching him process the new information. Finally, she spoke again. 

“I need you to understand that you can trust me. That there is nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you and your kids safe. Hells knows too. I couldn’t keep it from her. She knows me too well. But there are people that you’re close to that wouldn’t do the same.”

“I know about Endi,” he said quietly. 

Anj’s mouth drew into a thin line. 

“Ah,” was all she said. 

“I mean, I didn’t know, not until tonight,” he stumbled. “I thought… I don’t know what I thought, but it wasn’t that. I just… that’s why I’m here. And not at home. I don’t understand what happened, and I don’t have answers.” He scrubbed his hands over his face before tugging gently on his mohawk. “Why didn’t you tell me about her?” 

A look of guilt clouded Anj’s features. She rolled her shoulders, rolling the bottle between her hands. “Thought you’d see it on your own eventually. And I wasn’t sure how to intervene without telling you what I knew. I wasn’t sure how you’d react to me knowing something you didn’t want me to.” 

“It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you, Anj,” he rasped, his throat suddenly tightening on him. “I wanted to. The kids love you and Hells. I just… the last place we were at, I told people. And then those people had to lie for us, and that put them in danger. And I… I didn’t want to do that to you.” 

“You wanted to tell her.”

“I did,” he gritted out. “Almost did tonight. Thank the Maker she told me where she stood first.” 

Anj was quiet for a moment. “There wasn’t much about the war that made it out here. Lots of folks have to just believe what they see on the feeds. That’s all we get out here.” 

“You know better.”

“I do. But I wasn’t always on Lothal.” 

Chuckles paused. “You said you saw… a weapon like Arni’s before.”

Anj nodded, taking another deep pull from the bottle, drawing her lips back from her teeth in a grimace as the liquor burned her insides. “I did. Was in Chaleydonia on Christophsis when the war broke out. The Separatists moved in quick, and then there was a siege and a battle, and I decided I wanted no part of it, so I headed for Lothal. Seemed like it wouldn’t see much action, and my bet paid off. Well, until now, I suppose.” 

“And that was enough? To make you see things differently about the Jedi?”

Anj shrugged again. “I don’t claim to understand the ins and outs of everything that happened politically at that time. But I do know what the Jedi meant to people. Growing up, we were taught that they were peacekeepers. The stuff of legends, really. And regardless of how much of that was true or not, I don’t see how killing off all of them did anyone a lick of good.” She shivered slightly, and her grip tightened around the bottle, now only about half full. Her voice dropped even lower. 

“I’m no fan of the Empire. Wasn’t that big on the Republic either, but they at least felt like they tried at times. The Empire just seems keen to get as much power as they can and quash any naysayers. And all that about the Jedi? I don’t know everything, but I cannot imagine a galaxy that would be better off without Arni and Nita existing.” 

Chuckles’s vision blurred, and his voice cracked. He sniffed hard. “Me either.” 

He felt Anj’s eye on him and turned to meet her gaze. More questions were looming in her expression, and he could guess what they were. 

You can trust her. You know you can. 

He took a deep breath. 

“My chip didn’t work,” he said softly. “I was still in service at the end of the war. I’d gone to the temple to see someone, and that’s when all hell broke loose. I-I saw them, my brothers, killing Jedi, killing children.” His hands were shaking, and he folded them together, clasping tightly to keep the tremors in check. “I found the kids and got them out. At first I thought… I thought it had to be Seppies. That they’d gotten ahold of clone armor and snuck in. There was no universe in which I could fathom them doing that.”

“So the chips were real?”

“I think so. Never got any official confirmation, but when the order was given, there was a sharp pain in my head, like something trying to activate, crazy as that may sound.” His fingers drifted up to graze the place on his scalp where he’d felt that stabbing pressure that day. “I just… they’d never have done that, Anj. Not without something making them.”

“Why didn’t yours work?”

He huffed a laugh. “The only thing I can figure is too many concussions. I’ve come down on that place on my head at least twice. Best guess is I’ve damaged it. So I kept my wits about me by sheer dumb luck.”

Anj chuckled quietly. “So your concussions saved your life. And theirs.” She extended the lip of the bottle towards the rim of his water glass. 

“It’s bad luck to toast with water,” he mumbled. 

“You think we haven’t used up all the bad luck today?”

Chuckles huffed at that, clinking his glass of water against her bottle. “Luck didn’t have much to do with it.”

“Oh, I think we’re luckier than you know,” Anj said softly. 

The Nautolan sighed deeply, clearly still wrestling with how much to tell him. Finally, she gingerly turned, fishing a piece of folded flimsi out of her back pocket and placing it on the bar top. She drummed her fingers on it, still thinking until finally, she let out a long, slow exhale. 

“Judging by the fact that you’re still sitting here and not halfway to hyperspace, I’m going to assume you’ve decided to trust me with your secret. At least, I’m hoping you’re not going to kill me after we leave here.” Her lip was curled into a nervous smirk. 

“Thought hadn’t even crossed my mind. Plus, I think I still like your odds, even with one arm in a sling,” he joked with a pained wink. 

Anj relaxed slightly. “Right. Well, then it’s only fair I put my trust in you.” She tapped the paper. “This was in the breast pocket of the shirt you had on. Hells was still clutching it when they brought her into the med tent.” 

His brow furrowed in confusion. “I didn’t have anything in that pocket.” 

“It’s from Lu.” 

Chuckles’s blood pounded in his ears as his brain raced back to the moments just before the explosion. He remembered Lu’s expression, the way he’d awkwardly patted Chuck’s chest, just above the pocket. 

“Karking hells,” he swore quietly. 

“I’m going to tell you what I know about Lu,” Anj continued, as if she hadn’t heard him. “And then you and I are gonna read this together. I tried. I couldn’t do it. It’s addressed to you. And I just can’t do it.” 

Chuckles nodded slowly. “Alright.” 

Anj studied the bottle between her hands, and he could see she was steeling herself for what she was about to share. He propped his feet on the bar stool and faced forward, occasionally glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. He knew she’d speak when she was ready, and he didn’t want to stare at her or the folded note sitting next to her elbow. Finally, she spoke, her voice gravelly and grief-stricken. 

“Lu was like you and I,” she rasped tightly. “Has a past he’s running from. His homeworld was one of the first to have the Empire clamp a manacle on it. Entire cities occupied with patrols in the streets, picking people up for silly things like being out past curfew. Lu and a few others didn’t take kindly to that and raised a bit of hell about it. Most of his friends got locked up, but Lu had his twin sister Cilli and her family depending on him, so he managed to get out and ran here. He’s been lying low, sending money home to Cilli and her kids. They were close. Real close. Their parents died young, so they’ve been looking out for one another ever since. Cilli’s second pregnancy was so hard, and her man cut and ran when things got tough, so Lu stepped up.” Anj paused to take another swig from the bottle, wincing slightly. “Someone got a message to Lu yesterday. The Empire found out Cilli was getting credits from him. Not sure how. He was so careful, running the credits through all sorts of different places to make sure it didn’t trace back to him. But someone figured it out, and the Imperials classified that as conspiring with a traitor to the Empire. Apparently they take their treason quite seriously, and they raided the house. With detonators.” 

She paused to let out a shuddering breath. 

“The kids were inside, and they didn’t care. Kids. Gone in an instant. They were closest to the door. As you can imagine, Cilli didn’t take it lying down, not after seeing her babies die. From what it sounds like, she went out with a blaster in her hand and a curse on her lips.” 

Anj’s head was down, her tendrils hiding her face. Chuckles could still hear her quivering exhales. The blood was drained from her knuckles, and it was a wonder the bottle in her hand hadn’t shattered in her grip.

“I commed Lu to give him a heads up about the inspectors yesterday, and when he didn’t answer, I went over to check on him. He’s normally pretty responsive, so it struck me as odd. When I got there, I could tell right away something was wrong. He was quiet, more quiet than usual, but there was a tremor in his hands and an anger I could just feel rolling off of him. I finally pressed enough for him to tell me, and when he started talking, it was like he couldn’t stop the words. I told him to take the week off, to not do anything rash. But the minute I saw him today, I knew he hadn’t listened.” 

Chuckles chewed the inside of his cheek as he turned the information over in his head. He certainly understood that anger that Lu had felt. There had absolutely been days where he’d felt the losses so deeply that he’d considered burning everything down. 

The difference is you didn’t. Because your remaining brothers would have faced the consequences.  

“Anger and grief are a deadly combination,” he murmured bitterly. “Keeps you from thinking clearly. And that’s when you put the other people you care about in danger.” 

Anj’s head snapped up, and her eye pierced into him fiercely. 

“Watch your tongue.”

He glared back at her, taking a sip of his water. “He brought the damn shaft down on us, Anj. He almost killed us too. I get his anger, trust me, I do. But I would never have done something that could have gotten others I cared about hurt.”

“And Lu didn’t either,” she snarled under her breath. 

“How do you figure?” 

She sighed, picking at the edge of one of her bandages. 

“I didn’t know the reason for the inspection until this morning. The new shaft was pushed for by the Empire in order to meet their quotas, so they provided small mining corporations with some of the construction materials as incentives to expand. Every screw and strut and gear in that shaft comes from Imperial factories, and apparently, that means they’re built by the lowest bidder.” She scoffed angrily. “Jerrno got notice from some of his partners that the inspectors were coming to look at the construction of the shaft. Apparently, they’ve been making the rounds, claiming shafts aren’t being constructed properly, but they’re just covering their own asses. The beams we were supplied with can’t hold what they’re spec’ed to. Another mine saw a collapse last month, and the inspectors came out and blamed the corp and their construction processes. But when they tested out a few of the extra beams they had leftover, they found the struts didn’t even come close to being as durable as they were supposed to be.” 

Chuckles nodded slowly as she met his gaze once more, her voice quieter. 

“Lu was the best damn demolitions expert I’ve ever seen. He could blow a mite off a massiff without waking it up. He had no way of knowing about the fucking beams. Teef was filling me in right when Lu walked in.” Her voice broke. “You think what you want, but I believe Lu just wanted to take out the shaft and inspectors, not bring the entire cliff down on us. That collapse was far too uncontrolled for one of his explosions.” 

Her fist tightened around the neck of the bottle, and the muscle in her jaw twitched angrily again.

 “They weren’t even going to tell us about the beams. The inspectors just strolled in this morning without so much as a ‘hello’ or ‘fuck you’. They were just gonna tell us it was our fault. Probably still will.” 

She drained the bottle, tossing it into a bin at the back of the bar before she turned to face Chuckles again. 

“Lu didn’t almost kill us, but the Empire sure did.” 

Chuckles let out a long, shuddering breath. All of the anger and resentment he felt leaked out of him, and grief swiftly settled into its place. Of course Lu hadn’t meant to hurt them, not the Lu that had held Nita’s hand or listened to Arni babble on for hours, not the Lu that had quietly showed up with furniture for the kids’ room and watched with a quiet smile as they squealed over it. There was almost a relief for Chuckles, to let the pieces fall into place and find that the Nikto he’d known was the same person he’d always thought he was, the confirmation that Lu was the Lu he’d seemed to be. 

It still felt as though he’d lost two people today, Lu and the Endi he thought he’d known, and he grieved them both. Tears streamed from his eyes, and he wiped at them hurriedly, sniffling hard. 

“I’m so sorry, Anj.” 

“You had no way of knowing,” she croaked. “I just… I know he’s going to get branded as a terrorist, an unhinged and dangerous and cruel man.” 

It’s already happening, Chuckles thought, Endi’s words echoing in his mind. 

“But we know better,” Anj continued. “We knew him.” 

“We did,” Chuckles agreed. Quietly, he reached over for the note. Anj didn’t move. Taking a deep breath, he unfolded the paper. 

Chuck,

I can’t give this to Anj or Hells. They’ll know immediately and stop me. So I’m sorry, but it has to be you. I know you may not get my reasoning, and that’s fine, but I know you’ll understand wanting to keep loved ones safe, and the anger that comes with failing at that. Tell Anj I’m sorry, but I can’t let it stand. I’m sure she’ll tell you why, about my sister. All that I had in this galaxy was spilled on Cilli’s front stoop. I can’t stand for it, but I can damn sure fall making my point. 

I don’t know how Arni and Nita came to be yours, but keep them safe at all costs. I’ve taken your name off the roster for today and for the rest of the week. Left a note for Jerrno that I didn’t want your name involved, especially being a clone. I’m confident that’ll be enough, and Anj’ll see that it is.

You and your kids are special, a symbol of hope in a galaxy turned on its head. I hope they have the future I wanted for my kin. See that they do. And see that Arni keeps that laser sword better hidden. 

It’s better this way. I know too many names and too many places, and I can’t have any more blood on my soul. Tell Anj and Hells I’m sorry. I hope they’ll forgive me and know that they were the family I chose. You all were. 

Lu

“That shithead did see,” Anj breathed over Chuckles’s shoulder. “He was right behind me, that day on the ship, but I stepped in front of Arni, trying to hide it better.” She choked out a laugh. “Never reacted, and had a perfect sabacc face about it when I probed later. Karking asshole.” 

“The roster?” Chuckles managed to grit out around the emotions that were overwhelming him.

“I’ll see that it’s handled,” Anj said quietly. “And I’ll testify to whoever that will listen that Lu acted alone, that he’d been nursing anti-Imperial sentiment for a long time, but we never thought it’d get this far.” 

“Anj, I can’t ask that-”

“You’re not askin’. I’m telling you how it’s going to be. Maker alive, Lu wasn’t stupid, but this was impulsive and short-sighted and driven by grief. He planned all these contingencies, but he didn’t really think this through. And now, here we are, picking up the pieces and trying to stay safe while he fucks off into whatever afterlife he believed in.” Chuckles could see her moving through her grief, allowing some anger at her friend to finally show. 

“It won’t even take them long to fix that shaft,” she snorted. “A few months at most, even if we replace all the struts, and we’ll be right back down there. I know I told him to not do anything rash, but if he’d… I’d have…” She took a deep, steadying breath. “I’d have at least helped him make sure it counted for something.”

It was then that Chuckles saw it. Anj sat back, her unbandaged eye glistening with unshed tears, and yes, there was grief there, but more than that, there was betrayal. She’d thought Lu would reach out to her, would allow her to help him when he needed her most, and instead, he’d gone alone. 

“He kept you safe by keeping you out of it,” Chuckles rasped, reaching over and gripping her hand. She tried to yank it away, but he held on tightly. “And for that, I’m grateful, Anj. Because I’d have done the same.”

“I doubt that,” she snorted, wiping at her eye with her good hand. “Even as reckless as you are.” 

Chuckles was quiet for a beat before he folded his hands in front of him. “When I was a pilot, I lost a lot of brothers. Pretty much my entire squad once. I got out by the skin of my teeth. A pilot’s death isn’t like a normal soldier. We don’t bleed out slowly on some battlefield. It’s rare we even get a shot at a medic. If a ship’s done, it’s done, and in the middle of a fight, it’s not like you can take it to a hangar for maintenance.” 

He felt Anj watching him, and he pressed on slowly. 

“Sometimes, when your ship’s damaged and there’s no hope of you making it home, you do something reckless. You do what you can to steer your fighter and take out as many of the bad guys as you can. It’s not an official thing we’re trained to do, but many of my brothers did. Of course they knew it wasn’t always guaranteed to do much. Sometimes, you’re just a spec of flame on the side of a much bigger battle station. But the thing is, you hope that at a minimum, someone will see it happen, will see you doing everything you can with the moments that you have left, and you hope that galvanizes them.” He ran his thumb along the edge of his water glass. “I think Lu knew as well as you do that it wouldn’t take them long to rebuild, but I think what he hoped is that we’ll be galvanized by what he did. We’ll see what the Empire did to him and his family, and we’ll see his final act of defiance, and we’ll carry that spirit with us and spread it.” He tugged lightly at his mohawk. “I’ve been hiding for the last year, worried that if I stepped into the fight again, I’d put my kids and those around us at risk. But now… I don’t know.” 

“I don’t know either,” Anj said quietly. “But what I do know is I’m not sure I can let it all stand. Same as Lu. But I haven’t an inkling of where to start.” 

Chuckles took another sip of his water. “Right now, I think the best thing we can do is keep Lu’s memory and message alive,” Chuckles whispered. “Let the anger and the grief pass so that you think clearly. And then you wait.” 

“Wait?”

He nodded. “The opportunities will come. We start small. Maybe someone like Lu or me needs a job, and we help them get one and cover their tracks. Maybe some expensive equipment goes missing.” 

Anj chewed her lip, and he could see her thinking. “Maybe someone with a lot of pull finds out about the construction materials in the mines.” 

“Maybe,” he agreed. Grief was still the main emotion in his system, but Chuckles could feel something sparking in his chest, like a nearly-dead ember being blown upon. He hadn’t felt that spark in over a year, but it felt good, right even. 

Maybe I’m finally on the right path. 

He could feel a similar energy radiating off of Anj. The slump in her shoulders had disappeared, and a hint of her usual smirk was tugging at the corner of her mouth. “For Lu,” she said quietly, holding out her pinky finger on her uninjured hand towards Chuckles. 

He grinned. 

“For Lu,” he promised, locking his pinky with hers. 

“But tonight, we rest.”

“Some of us do,” he corrected her. “I’m not supposed to sleep much.” 

“I don’t know that either of us will do much of that,” Anj said quietly, some of the sadness seeping back in. “But we can still try.”

“We can.” Chuckles pushed his stool back from the bar, standing carefully. He folded the flimsi back up and slid it back to Anj. “You keep this.” 

She nodded wordlessly, taking the note between her calloused fingers and rubbing it gently. “Don’t come ‘round the mine until I tell you it’s safe, got it?” she whispered.

“Yes ma’am.” He gently clapped a hand on her shoulder. “Take care of yourself. And give Hells my love. Let us know if there’s anything we can do.” 

“When she’s better, can you bring the kids around?” Anj asked quietly. Chuckles could hear the emotion she was holding back. “They always make her light up.” 

“You got it,” he said quietly. 

She nodded. 

“‘Night Mona!” Chuckles called over his shoulder. He thought he heard them call a soft response, but he was already out the door.

He wasn’t sure if it was the water or the conversation or his headache finally fading a bit, but a determination had settled into his chest, one that he hadn’t realized had been lying dormant in the year since the war. He wanted to do something, even if he wasn’t sure what that was yet. 

But we’ve got to be safe. I can’t put the kids in danger. 

But what am I teaching them if we just keep running and hiding?

How to survive.

But what if they want more than that? 

His mind was still wrestling with itself, even as he made his way home, his feet carrying him back to the Starlight as if on autopilot. The interior of the ship was dark and quiet, and he could still smell the dinner he’d shared with Arni and Nita hours ago. The familiarity of it all brought a sense of relief, and he was suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion. He kicked off his boots with a sigh, shutting the hatch behind him. 

Home. But maybe not settled. 

His eyes burned, and he ground the heel of his hand into them, huffing a quiet laugh.

One step at a time. 

A soft shuffling sound broke him out of his haze, an incongruence from his expectations that jarred him just enough to draw his attention. His eyes snapped to the co-pilot seat. 

Arni was sitting in it, wrapped in the heavy blanket from his bunk. They clearly hadn’t anticipated him coming home, but their sharp brown eyes quickly scanned his face, absorbing everything as usual. He was too tired and overwhelmed to try and hide his feelings anymore tonight.  

“Why are you up, kid?” he asked. 

They shrugged. “Woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep.” 

“Nita?”

“Out. She was pretty tired.” 

Chuckles nodded, trudging over to the pilot seat and plopping into it. He let his gaze drift out the front viewport to the stars, taking in the mountains and the soft glow of the town, suddenly less welcoming than it had seemed when he’d woken up this morning. 

Maker alive, morning feels like a lifetime ago. When Lu was still here.

It wasn’t all threatening. There was good in the little town still, but there were also threats he’d let slide past his defenses, and now more than ever, he needed to be cautious.

“I’m glad you’re safe,” Arni said softly, interrupting his thoughts. 

He sighed heavily. “Me too, kid. I’m sorry I scared you like that.”

“Wasn’t your fault,” they replied, hugging the blanket closer around them. 

“Is that why you can’t sleep?”

They nodded. “When… when we first heard about the explosion, I knew there was a chance you were gone. So I started trying to think of what we’d do, Nita and me.” 

Chuckles’s heart shattered. 

“I figured I could probably keep doing repairs, and maybe Grinz would let me help out at the store for some credits,” they continued. “I just needed to find a way to keep us fed until I was old enough to go into the mines. I think we could have made it work.” They turned to look at him, their eyes shining with tears. They gave him a small smile. “I’m glad we don’t have to though.”

Chuckles slid out of his chair, kneeling in front of Arni and pulling them into a tight hug. 

“I’m so sorry, Arni. I’m so sorry,” he whispered. His chest swelled with awe at the young Twi’lek and their selflessness, but the fact that they thought they were alone again, that they’d have to take care of Nita on their own tore at him. He bit back a shuddering sob, rocking Arni back and forth. He felt a damp spot form on his shirt where their face was pressed against his chest, and their fingers dug into the fabric of his shirt. 

“I’m right here, kid. I’m alright.” 

“I know. I was just scared.”

���That’s allowed.” 

After a few minutes, they released him, wiping at their nose and eyes. Chuckles shifted back in the pilot’s seat, sniffling back his own emotions. 

“Why didn’t you stay at Endi’s?” Arni asked quietly after a few moments. 

Chuckles turned his head to look at them. They were watching him intently, gathering data from his reaction to the question. And that’s when it dawned on him. 

The wariness. The hesitation. It all makes sense. 

He sighed deeply. 

“You knew, didn’t you? About her and how she felt about… about it all?”

Arni’s eyes dropped to their lap. They nodded. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

Another shrug. “You seemed happy. And you deserve to be happy.” They met his gaze. “I thought you knew.” 

Chuckles stared at them for a moment before scrubbing his hands over his face, tugging lightly at his mohawk. 

“Arni, there is no universe where I’d want to be with someone like that. That thinks like that.” He sighed again. “Whoever I’m with, I want it to be someone that I could eventually trust with our secrets. Endi and people that see the galaxy the same way will never fit that category, understand?” His voice cracked, and he did his best to keep the anger and grief he felt at bay.

They thought I’d put someone like that above them.

Arni nodded again, meeting his eyes. “Maybe you can convince her.”

Chuckles huffed at the suggestion. “Nah. I don’t want to be with someone that I have to convince that killing children was a bad idea,” he joked dryly. “Or that putting chips in me and my brothers’ heads was wrong.” He shook his head, releasing a mirthless laugh. “I just can’t believe I didn’t see it sooner. I’m such a kriffing idiot.” 

“You’re not,” Arni said quietly. “You wanted to see the good in her. And I can’t fault you for that.” They pulled their skinny legs up to their chest, wrapping their arms around their knees. “Being alone is hard. I don’t want you to feel alone, Chuckles.” 

“I’ve got you and Nita. I’ll never be alone.”

“That’s different and you know it,” they countered. “I saw how you looked at Teacher Endi. I’ve never seen you look at anyone else like that.” 

Chuckles blew out a long breath through his mouth. 

Dark curls. Sharp eyes. A twist of a smirk. 

“There was someone else that I looked at like that. A long time ago,” he said quietly. 

“What were they like?” 

He glanced over at Arni. They were watching him intently with wide eyes. 

“Only if you want to talk about them. I’d like to hear,” they added. 

Chuckles nodded, letting his mind drift back to the garages of Coruscant. 

“Her name was Brienna. We called her Bri for short. Well, Bolts mostly. She was a mechanic that worked on our ships. Deep, brown eyes that felt like she knew everything about you from just one glance, dark, wild curls that she always was blowing out of her face. A smile that could light your whole day up just before she ripped you a new asshole. Maker, she was so smart and quick. She was short, but she acted like she was ten meters tall. Took no shit from anyone.” He realized his cheeks were hurting from how big he was smiling. He hadn’t let himself think about Bri in a long time. Not really. But it felt good. 

Arni was smiling too, as if Chuckles’s joy was infectious. “What happened to her?”

The smile on Chuck’s face faded. 

“Not sure. I was going to see her on the day the war ended. We’d been seeing each other in secret, keeping it casual. She didn’t want the other pilots to think I was getting special treatment, so we didn’t tell many people. I’d promised to take her to dinner when the war was over and court her properly. And then… well, you know the rest of that story.” 

“Did you love her?”

Chuckles chewed the inside of his cheek. “Yeah. Yeah I did. Was thinking of telling her that night.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Chuckles met Arni’s eyes again. “I’m not. I got you and Nita out of the deal.”

“But you never got to tell her.”

He sighed again, shrugging one shoulder. “That’s true. But I’d like to think she knew. And I almost hope she thinks I died. Better that than her thinking I was a child killer or a mindless drone that offered the Republic up on a silver platter.” 

“That’s still sad.” 

Chuckles tucked his hands behind his head, carefully propping his boots up on the flight console of the ship. 

“It is, but I was lucky that I got to experience love like that, kid. Not many of my brothers did. There were some that tried to make things work, but it was hard. You knew tomorrow wasn’t guaranteed, and if you found someone to share your life with, there was a good chance you might leave them behind. Not to mention a good portion of the galaxy didn’t see us as people in the first place. I was lucky to have Bri, even if it was brief and didn’t end the way I wanted it to.”

“Do you miss her?” 

Heat crept up to Chuckle’s cheeks, and his eyes stung slightly. “Sometimes,” he admitted. “When I think about her.” He looked over at Arni. “I think you would have liked her.” 

“What if we tried to find her?”

He forced a smile, touched by Arni’s hopefulness and desire to find someone that meant so much to him. But he didn’t share their optimism. 

“It’s a nice thought, but I wouldn’t even know where to start, kiddo.” He reached over and squeezed their shoulder. 

“I’m alright. I’m sure she’s moved on already. And I want her to be happy, you know?”

Arni appeared to contemplate this for a few moments. 

“You should be happy too.”

Chuckles’s smile came more naturally this time. “I will be, kid. It hurts a bit right now, but I will be happy. Don’t you worry.” 

They sat in silence for a while longer, watching the stars together. Finally, Chuckles could hear Arni’s breathing deepen, punctuated by the occasional soft snore. As carefully as he could, he gathered the Twi’lek in his arms and made his way down to the hold, doing his best not to trip over the toys that were scattered around. Nita was still dozing quietly, her trooper doll tucked close to her side. Chuckles tucked Arni back into bed gently, waiting a few minutes for the confirmation that they were still asleep, and when he heard another snore escape them, he smiled, sneaking back to the cockpit. 

It had been a while since he’d slept in the pilot’s chair, but it felt fitting tonight. He considered what he’d do with the sheets that still smelled like Endi as he retrieved the brown bottle of mystery liquor from its hiding place and sat back down heavily in the weathered seat. The burn of the booze felt nice and familiar, warming his insides and taking some of the edge off of his feelings. He knew he had to come up with a reason to end things with Endi, one that didn’t create suspicion or out him as an enemy of the Empire. He also knew he’d likely have to carry on the charade for a while longer. He’d acted strangely enough tonight that ending things immediately may make her suspicious. 

He hated this. 

“Now’s just not a good time for the kids. Work’s getting to be too much, especially with what just happened, and I don’t think that’s fair to you.”

No, that lets her counter it. 

“I’m not over the last person I was with. I’m not ready to move on yet. I thought I was, but I’m not.”

That could work. 

It wasn’t exactly untrue now that he thought about it. How many times had flashes of Brienna invaded his mind while he was with Endi? How many times had he almost called her the wrong name?

Maybe I was just trying to find someone to fill that space for me. But no one was ever going to be her.

Chuck glanced over at the now-empty co-pilot chair and noticed Arni had left their sketching supplies in it. Leaning over, he picked up a loose piece of flimsi and placed it on the top of their journal before reaching for a pencil. 

He started with her eyes. Those were her most striking feature, in his opinion. He could get the shape right after a few rough attempts, but never could seem to capture the light in them or the sharpness, the way they’d always felt like they were pinning him down. He moved on to her nose, which proved easier, and then her lips. He couldn’t quite get their fullness right or the permanent skeptical quirk her mouth always seemed to have, but what he finally came up with felt somewhat acceptable. The curve of her jaw was easy enough from memory; he’d touched that place on her enough to never forget it, cradling her face when he’d kissed her, running his fingers along it as she slept. 

Her ears were impossible, and he eventually compromised by deciding to cover them with her hair, but even that wasn’t right. The curls were mostly the right shape, but he couldn’t get them to sit right against her face, nor could he add the shine they always seemed to have. As his frustration grew, so did his level of inebriation, and at some point he tossed the paper and pencil aside with a huff, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders and grumbling to himself before eventually drifting off to sleep. 

Brienna’s loud cackle and brown eyes haunted his dreams. He could almost feel the rough fabric over her coveralls beneath his fingers, smell the oil and grease on her skin. 

Bri. 

Even with the concussion, Chuckles slept through the night, too overcome by exhaustion to worry about protocol. When he awoke in the morning, the paper and pencils had all been cleared away along with the empty liquor bottle.

Tag List: @redheadgirl @cyarbika @witchklng @djarrex @arctrooper69 @sleepingsun501 @ladytano420 @rexxdjarin @echos-girlfriend @zoeykallus @leftealeaf @galacticgraffiti @hidden-behind-the-fourth-wall @ariadnes-red-thread @goblininawig @merkitty49 @ladykatakuri @runforrestr @baba-fett @daimyosprincess @obihiddlenox @bucketbunny99 @fordo-kixed-rex @nerd-ika @amish---paradise @arctrooperechy

[anticipatedexhale]

Loud

Eddie munson x gn!reader

A/n:this is an event that has occurred with me a while ago, I'm normally a very quiet person but once im comfortable im very loud I've run into some rude people a couple of times especially if they can't understand the basics of emotions.

Warnings: insecure reader?,other than mike being an asshole i think that's it.

~~

You walked up to the room hellfire is usually placed excited to see your boyfriend and his little friends.

You opened the door only to hear "Oh its you" mike rolled his eyes sitting back on his chair. You gave him a confused look, "What do you mean by its just me?" You questioned.

"Well we thought you'd be Eddie he's late" he explained looking at you up and down.

You shook the weird feeling in your chest and sat down beside eddies thrown, yeah it's true he made you a throne just for you.

Even though you didn't play dnd you were still his "Queen",and you'd never say no to a throne brought by Eddie Munson.

Usually when the group would play dnd you'd be talking to Eddie about your day but today you were awfully quiet and Eddie was obviously the first one to notice.

After the campaign mike stood up and boldly told eddie "This is probably the best campaign we made in months, finally peace and quiet is all we need", peace and quiet you wondered wasn't he the one screaming and yelling just seconds ago?.

But you knew damn well what mike means by saying that. You looked at Eddie waiting for him to respond to mikes clearly directed message.

But he didn't seem to notice, too busy talking to dustin. You sighed trying your best not to get some teenage boys words into your head.

But it did hurt and there was no way to ignore it, you knew this was stupid and dumb of you to make a scene about it but sometimes simple words can hit the heart in so many ways and it's not always good ways.

Soon enough everyone left and it just left you with Eddie, "What's going on in the pretty head of yours" his sweet voice taking you out of your deep thoughts.

"Oh nothing just...tired" you thought it was best to lie since if you told him all about mike you'd believe that you'd see mikes face all over milk cartons labeled missing.

"Am i annoying to you?" Stupid question to ask you think but the worry and guilt you were in was blinding you.

"Annoying? Sweetheart you're far from that, why would you say that?" He asked now closer to you.

"So you don't get annoyed at the fact that i talk too much?" Your questions seemed to worry and confuse Eddie even more. Why the hell would you say that? Did he accidentally say something? Did someone say something to you?.

The thought of someone ruining your day or mood made him feel angry to no end. You were an angel you only deserved love, he has to sometimes pinch himself just to see if you are real and that he's actually with you.

It hurt him to think that you would think any day that you were annoying or "talk too much".

"What?...No baby you could never be annoying or even think that you talk too much, i love listening to your silly little stories and seeing your cute smile while you get all happy and excited telling me about your day" you flushed at his statement feeling love and adoration for him grow even more in your heart.

Gosh what did you do to deserve him? You shyly turned your head away but he gently pulled you back into him faces almost colliding.

He slowly pushed the hair that fell on your face back, he closed the gap between you two pressing both your lips together.

Fire ignited in both of you as you went deeper and deeper into each others love and comfort.

Insecurities were completely normal but Eddie would make sure that he'd make them disappear in a matter of seconds. Especially if it means he could see that precious smile on your face.

[ichigoromi]

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐛𝐲 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐤 | 𝐌𝐒𝐁𝐘 𝐅𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧 | 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐤𝐲𝐮𝐮 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧

I'm back or whatever. JK, I miss you guys.

Back with my boys, and you know I love them, especially my precious Kiyoomi.

Pairing (s): Featuring — MSBY Four Bokuto Kōtarō, Miya Atsumu, Hinata Shōyō, Sakusa Kiyoomi x fem reader! (she/her)

Genre: fluff

Warning (s): none!

a/n - Atsumu is one sneaky guy, but I love him for that.

Enjoy!

Bokuto Kōtarō

Oh no, he would be so alarmed.

Like he would turn around so quickly, with his eyes wide open in shock and visibly confused.

Did he accidentally offend you or something? If he did so, he is really sorry about it.

After being together for so long, you've rarely called him by his full name; you only did once when he accidentally forgot your birthday once.

He would be walking on eggshells around you the whole day since he is scared of you being angry.

Once was enough him; he doesn't want to fight with you :(

He believes communication is key, and you two would talk it out if you have a conflict.

Then, you call him by his full name again when he's eating.

"Bokuto Koutarou." He looked up from his sandwich and blinked his eyes in confusion.

"Babe, why are you calling my full name? Did I do something wrong? Please tell me if I did something wrong. Don't be mad, please!" He abandoned his sandwich and rushes to you and wrapped his arms tightly around you.

He was like a sad little puppy that urgently needs some cuddles and comfort. You expect this kind of reaction, and you felt so bad when he looked like he was guilty of something, but instead, you were the guilty one for pulling this prank.

You reached out to pat his head, and he snuggles closer to you; now that just make you feel even worse.

"Kou...It was a prank. I just wanted to see your reaction." You revealed, and oh my gosh, the betrayal on his face.

"Well, that wasn't very nice. I thought I did something wrong." He mumbles against your neck.

"I'm sorry for that! But, if the next time I use your full name, it's not a prank."

A chill went down his spine as you whispered those words to him. He does not like dealing with a pissed off you.

"Then I have to make sure you won't use it then!" He attacks with kisses and you two laughed out loud together.

Miya Atsumu

Atsumu absolutely detest you using his full name.

He would kiss you before you could even finish saying his name.

The reason was that you would only call his full name when you two are fighting, and there was one particular fight that impacted him.

You know that he did nothing wrong, but you wanted to just prank him.

And you know that he will not take it well.

You call his full name the last time was that fight, and you move out for two weeks.

Well, that's history, and you're going to prank him since he pranked you last week by hiding your lipsticks, which he didn't do an outstanding job.

"Miya Atsumu."

He looked around as if there's another Miya Atsumu other than him. The horrified and worried expression almost made you burst out in laughter. Atsumu got off his exercise mat and sat down beside you.

Atsumu took your hand in his gingerly and glanced at your face for some reaction, but you just had on a poker face.

"BABE! What's wrong? Did I do somethin'?" He was literally panicking while you are trying to hide your laughter.

"Is it because I don't put my shoe back on the shelf?" Well, now that he mentioned it, it kind of irked you when you constantly have to put his shoes back on the shelf.

But you're not that mad to do that since he puts your shoes back for you sometimes.

"Come on! Look at me!" He cups your face and makes you face it. That's when you lost it and start laughing.

It took him a while to realise what happened, then he turns his back on you and whining about how you were bullying him.

"Baby, how does that feel?" You climbed onto his back and clung to him like a koala.

"Awful! How could ya? I trusted ya! Traitor!" He pouts, obviously upset at the prank.

"Aww, is my baby angry? Hmm? Are you upset?" You kiss his lips and cheeks. Then, his cheeks turn red but still turn his head away from you.

"I-I'm still upset at ya!" He stuttered when you straddle his lap and cups his face.

You kiss his lips, and he wrapped his arms to bring you closer to him.

"How about now? Are you still upset?" He nods his head.

"One more kiss." He pulls you into another kiss, and you knew he is taking this opportunity to kiss you.

This sneaky bastard, but you love him anyway.

Hinata Shõyõ

The last time that you called his full name was when he left the toilet seat up for the umpteenth time, and you got mad.

For some reason, you felt like pranking your boyfriend.

It felt like a mean prank because he does not like you using his full name.

When he came back, and you were preparing dinner, and he went and greets you with a kiss on the cheek.

Then he went to go shower, and you started planning how you would execute the prank.

Gosh, you are going to feel so bad, but you just want to prank him.

You set up the table for dinner, and he was excited since you cooked Japanese food today.

You have sinned today.

Hinata sat down by the dining table, eager to dig into the food that you made. He loves every food that you make since you are a good cook.

Seeing his big innocent smile just increase the guilt that you have.

Before he could even take a bite, you call his full name.

"Hinata Shoyo." He looked up almost instantly. He looked like a deer caught in headlights, and you almost want to apologise to him, but the show must go on.

"Babe...Did I do something wrong? Was it the toilet seat? Or the empty tea box?" He cautiously asked, and you mentally were bowing and apologising to him profusely.

When you did not say anything, he got up from his seat and went to wrap his arms around you, and he kisses your forehead, apologising for things that he didn't need to because he did not do anything wrong. You were the one pranking him.

He's such a precious ball of sunshine.

"Baby, I just wanted to see your reaction. I'm sorry if I scared you..." You apologised, and he lets out a gasp, then laughs out loud in relief.

You bury your face in his tummy in embarrassment.

He cups your face and kisses your lips.

"Don't worry, it's alright. I mean, at least you cooked some good food, and that's all I need." He kisses your lips and nose.

"Okay, come on, dig in! It's a new recipe!" You sat him down and watch him takes the first bite.

His eyes lit up and motioned for you to dig in too.

Yeah, it was good, and your boyfriend is as sweet ever.

Sakusa Kiyoomi

The moment you call his full name, and he turns at you.

You're a goner.

Because of that stare of his, it's as cold as the Siberian winter, or maybe even colder.

The last time you use his full name was when you two were full-on fighting, and you almost threw his limited edition bag out the window.

And that's when he knew not to mess with you when you're angry.

Today, both of you are having your day off, and you were lazing on the couch while Sakusa was cleaning the house.

And you knew that calling his full name while he's cleaning is going to irk him for sure.

"Oi, Sakusa Kiyoomi." You saw his brow furrowed into a frown, and you almost giggled.

He switches off the vacuum and walks towards the sofa, where you are lying and playing on your phone. Since he is so tall, he towers over you like a giant, and you were lowkey scared.

"What?" He stares down at you with his mask pulled down to his chin, and a frown etched onto his face.

"E-eh? Hehe, I miss you." You cheekily grinned at him, and he sats down next to him.

"You cheeky little brat, I thought I was in trouble." He lets out a sigh of relief, and you kiss his cheek.

So, that's why he was frowning. He was just thinking of what he did wrong and was ready to apologise for whatever he had done wrong, then you just grinned at him, saying that you missed him with that adorable smile of yours.

"Can you stop cleaning and cuddle with me?" You tug on his shirt, and he shook his head.

"Sweetheart, someone has to clean the house and that someone is not you, but for me." You gaped in mock outrage and threw yourself back on the sofa.

"How dare you deprive me of my cuddles?!" You whined, but he ignored you and continued his cleaning.

No one, not even you, gets in the way of his cleaning.

---

"Now, are you satisfied?" His arms were wrapped around your waist, and he was leaving light kisses along the nape of your neck. You could feel the warmth emanating from his chest on your back, and you trace endlessly on his forearms.

"I am, you know, I want some pizza." You try to get out of his embrace to get to your phone, but he was too strong for you.

"Nope. Cuddles now."

Now he's the whiny one, and you're not complaining at all. In fact, you're satisfied with him trying to be affectionate.

"Okay, cuddles first, then."

I was away for a short while and back with another Haikyuu headcanon! I'm feeling better now and overcame my writer's block! I hope you guys enjoyed this headcanon!

Thank you, and I love you guys!

Stay safe and healthy!

With love,

Rosalie🍓

[redxblueihateloveyou]

I'm surprised people see Tadashi as the victim in his relationship with Ainosuke, when it's Tadashi the one who time and time again takes away Ainosuke's agency, without being able to see that he is throwing him unto unhappiness. I can't help but think that if Tadashi was not working at Shindo's house, Ainosuke would have maybe left or broke with the family. But he can't do that if he wants the relationship with Tadashi going on, seing how Tadashi is set on enforcing the family rules...

Hmm.. I def agree with the fact that Tadashi is not what most fandom makes out of him, my man (I mean, Adam’s man) is a 100% Slytherin. But I disagree with blaming him for this, after all the revealed info. The environment they were both raised in made their situation complicated.

I like Tadashi a lot, he’s probably my fav thing about this anime, bc he’s a dark horse, and I’m once again surprised, that so little ppl see him for who he really is, portraying him as an innocent puppy, which he is definitely not.

Now to why I think both Tadashi and Adam are victims of the dad and aunties in this situation. 

We can of course say “if only they told each other how they really feel...”, but like we can say it about any love story really. Every author knows it’s no fun. The truth is that yes, they both hurt each other, and yes, if they were honest about their feelings things would’ve been different, but as I’ve already wrote under that “toxic” commentary on YT, lets look at the whole situation from both of their point of views:

We know that Adam when he was little always treated Tadashi as an equal, he never ever thought of him as someone lower than him and after their fall out, the only reason for this “harsh” treatment (well, besides their confirmed kink) was that Adam tried to get a reaction out of him, so Tadashi would stand up for himself, bc Ainosuke got mad about Tadashi caving to his dad’s wishes and abandoning him, when he needed him the most. 

But now, knowing the fact that Tadashi was his dad’s secretary and was under his control, let’s see it from his perspective: Tadashi wanted to stay by Adam’s side, Adam’s dad implied that if Tadashi did say smth, he’s gonna be.. well, dismissed and they won’t see each other ever again. That’s what caused Tadashi to stay silent in that moment. Ainosuke instead saw this as a “he’s not on my side” thing, well, because. Tadashi won’t tell him his problem, bc dad and aunties control everything, so even if he does tell him, what a teen would do really? He didn’t have any powers back then to make his dad do anything. 

And that’s when it all gone to shit, since they both were hurt for their own reasons. It’s easy to say leave the family, but 1stly nobody explained to Adam still that he’s physically and psychologically abused by his family, he sees it as them “loving him” and sadly also loves them, bc nobody told him, that love wasn’t supposed to be like that really. He definitely feels that smth is not right and feels emotionally exhausted there bc of this treatment, but did he ever consider leaving? I really don’t think so. He feels obligated to be worthy of a family, who “loves” him.

Do you think, for example, that Akashi Seijuro hates his dad for what he did to him? No. Does he understand that he wasn’t at fault for what happened to him and that his dad instead of comforting his child after his mother’s death, who was his only safe haven, made everything worse? I don’t think he does. Like his mom gave him basketball, an escape from all that family’s obligations and strictness. After her death, it was the only thing left that brought him joy, but his dad ruined even that, saying that if he’s gonna be bad at it/lose, he’d take it away from him too. Does Akashi see this as emotional abuse? No, he sees it like “well, I have to be the best bc I was born in such powerful family, so if my dad says that I must be best at everything, then I must.”

I personally hate such parents a lot. To me it doesn’t matter if Adam’s dad didn’t know about aunties hitting his child. Like if he was too busy to notice this and have no time for his kid and made his childhood miserable, it doesn’t make it any better really. 

Same as with Akashi’s dad. Some are like “he was probably also grieving about his wife”. Emm? He was like this from the beginning, bc he treated Akashi not as his son, but as his heir. And yes, that’s different things. Same with Endeavor and Todoroki. Your child is not your post production thing.

2ndly they were too young, even if they knew about each others feelings and he didn’t feel obligated and told everyone to fuck off, they’d be on the streets now, but also Adam’s dad doesn’t seem like a guy who’d leave them alone really. Also eloping seems very romantic, but I don’t think it is, esp when you’re teens. Did you want him to sell some expensive watch and go live on Hawaii or smth? Bc finding a decent job there would be difficult at this age, esp with everyone knowing who your dad is. Chen Ke from “Antidote” survived bc he was 27 and had connections and some great friends. Adam was in high school, where would he go exactly?

Now let’s go back to now. Obviously all this time it didn’t even cross Tadashi’s mind that for Ainosuke he comes first and that he would throw everyone under the bus to make Tadashi stay with him. As we see at the end, he legit believed that Adam was planning to send him to jail and didn’t get that he said it just to shaken he up and that he knew who he’d set up for this from the beginning. 

To Adam obviously it doesn’t matter whether they’re in a quarrel or not, he would never him go. Yes, he’s mad at him, he’s angry and hurt, but Tadashi’s still the person he needs the most, he’s still the person who brightens his days, even tho he deliberately behaves like he annoys him. He always looks at him and looks at him and looks at him, but then hisses smth to hurt him. Bc he knows that he needs him, but he also hates that he needs him, bc he thinks it’s unrequited.

And that’s how their classic romance goes in hellish circles. No one wants to talk as usual. Adam is mad Tadashi is like that bc his dad turned him into a slave with no opinion, while Tadashi is scared that Adam would be taken away from him bc of his ugly family. 

Now I still think that no one and I mean no one can take Tadashi from Adam now, he is his precious. So my plan is... if Tadashi made aunties do smth against him or to get rid of him, aunties will go for sure. The problem is Tadashi still doesn’t get that he comes first, so we’re stuck in this hell still.

So anyways, my point is Adam’s heart basically sings “you got a hold of me, don’t even know your power” to Tadashi, but he doesn’t hear it, bc of his insecurities, the way he was raised and his status. But yes, he holds all the power. He’s both Adam’s sanity and insanity. No matter how cheesy it sounds he was basically his only ray of sunshine in the darkness, if you take it away, that’s what it leads to, that’s why Ainosuke-sama needs more ppl who care for him. I don’t want anyone to die next time, just cause Tadashi and Adam fought about where to put their new couch lmao. I’m kidding, but you know what I mean. And kill the aunties, pls seriously, we need to be free.

Also ppl need to remember that like lots of animes/characters are parcially inspired by some other animes/characters, also the chosen seiyuus are also very important, there are lots of stuff like jokes and references, that creators use, from characters being fully inspired by smth like “Assassination classroom” characters based on KNB, to little stuff like Levi dressed in Akashi’s uniform in chibi AOT bc Hiroshi Kamiya. Utsumi already said before stuff like she sometimes think of a perfect voice for the character and then fully forms him, we also know her clear love for sports animes. So yes, I doubt Tadashi/Kuroko thing is a coincidence and even tho someone was like “zone? is this knb or smth?” I was like no, zone is actually a common thing in sports, even tho most associate it with KNB including me, it’s not like its their invention, but there were things inspired by this for sure, and from other sports animes too and no, I don’t mean the basic sports anime tropes, I mean, like way too specific things, some character designes, too. And yes, Langa appearence and personality wise is a rinharu child for real, I can literally split his scenes in “that’s Haru”, “that’s Rin”.

That’s why I’ve said that this situation in fandom reminds me of Kuroko/Akashi situation a lot, bc same as here in KNB ppl for some reason automatically thought that Kuroko is this innocent sheep and Akashi is the wolf (but also like it was Akashi who chose to dress as red riding hood, while Kuroko was a wolf lmao), not even seeing who is in reality more dangerous and who can easily control who. It just buffles me bc it’s not some deep analisys really. I mean once again there’s a reason for the saying that the sub holds all the power over the dom. 

And like just bc someone yells or threatens ppl constantly doesn’t necessarily mean he is a psycopatic killer, and just bc someone is quiet and doe-eyed, doesn’t mean he isn’t. I didn’t think we needed to explain this to someone, but aparently we do?

And it honestly kills me just how superficially ppl are watching things these days. It really gives me war flashbacks to stuff like the last mdzs s1 episode, where ppl started to comment things like “how LZ can be so heartless” lmao. Or that anonymous ask “do you think haru misses rin?”. Like you don’t see thing at all? Grey substance no needed, while watching things?

P.S. I also would die to see Adam vs Tadashi race just bc I for some reason can bet all my money, that it’s the same situation as with Akashi refusing to ankle break Kuroko, no matter how mad he is. I just can’t imagine Ainosuke hitting Tadashi in the face with a board. Like 100% sure he wouldn’t even try tbh.

[to-come-alive]

Baht Oyunu 1x06

Oh how I missed writing dizi reviews! But I especially missed watching them. Ughh... why did it take so long for this ep to come?! I'm always expecting this series to disappoint me at any moment, but it always manages to surprise me for good. Right now, personally, this is the best summer dizi of this year and there's no discussion abt that. Let's move on to my thoughts abt it

Aahh... a fake-dating episode! I LOVE IT!! This is my favorite trope ever. I love all the things it brings with it: the awkward PDA scenes, the 'there's only one bed' trope, the total lack of personal space in general. Pls gimme more!! Their chemistry was so on point (as always) and they almost kissed a lot of times during the ep.

Ada is always so reasonable although being a little bit crazy. When I first began to watch this series I thought that Ada would be too hung up on this story told by her family and insist on the idea of being married to Trash. But no, she has already freed herself from this lies and is now focused on herself and her future. I'm glad Trash is not an option anymore for her.

Bora is a lot rational too. I like that. Generally, when a dizi character is rational this means they are like robots (Serkan bey??) who have only one characteristic: being a heartless person. But Bora is not like that. He got so hurt after seeing Trash in Ada's house. But instead of making a scene or smth, or treating Ada badly, he just went away bc he knows Ada doesn't need to explain nothing to him. She doesn't own any explanation to him. He respects her and he's aware of the limits in their relationship. But I loved that Ada wanted to explain herself bc she cares to what Bora thinks of her.

That scene in the park was so precious. I mean, I thought that I would have to watch an episode with Bora all jealous, unkind and mistreating Ada. But she came up with some story and they just came back to be what they were. Even better, they got to connect even more! I love that although adbor falls under the category of an enemies to lovers story, they don't try to make each other angry or pretend to hate each other. Ada is always trying to amuse him (and she succeds at it!). And I simply love that Bora is always ready to admit when Ada does or says smth right. You can really see them as a couple cuz they get along well with each other. I think we normalize a lot these couples which are opposites that are always fighting and we can't see them in a relationship in the future cuz that's their only dynamic: fighting.

Ever since the beginning of this dizi it's Ada who's always making some kinda plan to get smth. I loved that in this ep it was actually Bora who was plotting things and not Ada. And I couldn't imagine him doing these kinds of things before. This was an Ada thing: planing and scheming to get what she wants or needs. So we got to see how they work well together. That couple fight scene, they invading that scammer's room dressed as waiters/maids. They're perfect together!

OH MY GOD! I thought I would become deaf from hearing so much shit coming out from Trash's mouth. So HE's the smartest person ever?! And how he feels he has the right to come to Ada's house whenever he wants and to even be jealous of her?! He's just unbearable now. Ya know, sometimes I think I would be glad if Celal find out the truth abt their fake marriage bc then he would be deported and we would be free from him.

I really miss the Tuğçe from episode 4. She was cool. But I'm liking this dynamic of the four doing things together. Although I hate Trash, that's a fact, and Tuğçe is an enemy, she's not the enemy to be fought now. And it's good to see the leads working together with the villains for a common goal. For me, it's so refreshing. It makes the dizi more light and less dramatic.

It was sad that Elif almost didn't participate in this ep. But I liked the scenes of their family, they were really funny. And although Belma is still on board with this idea of Bora and Tuğçe together, she's getting more cool with the whole situation of the families living together. Hope she drops this idea soon and starts to root for Bora being with Ada.

I still don't like aunt Yasemin with Evren. I don't like him. Actually it's not that I don't like him, I'm indifferent to him. He's not inherently bad but he's a rude elitist person. And Yasemin is too good for him.

I don't like the Celal bey plot. I like Celal, he seems funny. My problem is that this is making Trash and Ada pretend to be a couple. And that was the worst part of the episode. I know it's important for the plot but every time Trash appears in scene it's just not good. It makes me want to jump for the next scene bc he's the worst.

About the secret plotline, Ada is finally giving signs that she's gonna tell the truth soon. I didn't think it would be now. Although we're probably at the half of the dizi, from my personal experience with them, generally it's around the tenth episode that the bigger narrative begins to really move on, that is, the secret is revealed. And Ada started to feel guilty for lying to him just now. I think the writers will explore this before finally telling the secret. But I might be wrong of course and maybe next ep he'll finally find the truth, who knows. Ratings are not that good and they might be planning to cancel it soon (hope I'm wrong). Also, I hope he knows the truth through Ada. Bc any other way would be the worst way of knowing. And maybe if she is the one to tell him, he might be able to forgive her more easily. But I must say that I'm not that anxious for her telling the truth. I'm enjoying what I'm having now.

I think that's it. The episodes only get better and better. Hope they keep up with the good work.

[wonglix]

➺ sɴᴇᴀᴋʏ

⤷ staff!y/n x boyfriend!hyunjae

⤷ it’s not easy dating an idol, the sneaking around taking a toll on both of you. unfortunately for you, hyunjae isn’t only your boyfriend, but you also work with him - which makes sneaking around even harder. stress and the secretive manner of your relationship prove to be a lot for you handle when you forget a really important date.

⤷ fluff, lil’ angst

⤷ 1.3k words

you loved hyunjae with all your heart, but sometimes you wished that your relationship was just a little simpler; that you maybe met under different circumstances that wouldn't require you to hide your relationship, to sneak around behind everyone's backs. it's already tough dating an idol, but it's even more stressful to work with hyunjae every single day while pretending you're nothing more than coworkers; nothing more than an idol and their staff.

the numbers of times you were almost caught exchanging small pecks backstage were too many to count; the glances you kept giving each other getting you almost in trouble way too many times. it's nice being able to work with your boyfriend, if only you didn't have to smile and pretend that all the people hitting on him weren't making you upset sometimes. at this point, you want nothing more than to be able to be open about your relationship; at least being able to tell the company without fear of getting fired.

since you're both working in the same industry, you're both aware that time is precious and that stress is a constant factor of your relationship - making the few normal dates you have ever the more special. unfortunately, fights and arguments stemming from stress and missing each other are somewhat common, both of you being too busy to keep up a regular date-schedule.

you're currently talking through the boys' schedule with their managers when you catch hyunjae waiting for you from the corner of your eye. he's staring intently at you, impatience written all over his face while waiting for you. you wave your hand at him dismissively, hopefully making him understand that this will take a little longer. you can see him huff and puff while he turns to walk away, a small smile threatening to creep its way onto your face.

the meeting took a bit longer than you expected, a small bubble of guilt rising in your chest for making hyunjae wait for so long. rushing to the practice room, you're surprised to find that hyunjae wasn't there with some of the other members. younghoon sees you in the mirror and gestures for you to come in; sangyeon, jacob, sunwoo and changmin all turning to look at you.

"hey y/n! hyunjae already went home if you're looking for him.." younghoon said, a somewhat dejected look on his face. the confusion on your face was evident and ultimately was what made sangyeon tell you about the talk they had with your boyfriend earlier.

"huyunjae was kinda...upset earlier, y/n. he really looked forward to spending the day with you today, so when the meeting suddenly came up, he got upset and just went home to cool off." you looked between them with furrowed brows, shaking your head a bit at sangyeon's words.

"we hadn't planned anything for today, though? i get that he wants to spend time with me, but we didn't make plans for today, so i don't understand why he's so upset. i wasn't the one who called for a last-minute meeting, you know?" you could feel yourself getting a bit heated; thinking that hyunjae was overreacting and dragging the others into this mess for no apparent reason.

the silence that followed was almost deafening until jacob asked a simple question, "do you know what day today is, y/n?" confusion took over your features once more, blurting out a simple "friday?" that would've made the boys laugh if it weren't for the current situation.

"and what date?" changmin probed, all of them waiting for a look of realisation to wash over your face. pulling out your phone you glance at the date on your display, "today's the twenty-......twenty-third? today's the twenty-third?!" the frown on your face was replaced by the shocked look of realisation the boys have been waiting for, all of them nodding silently.

you let out a humourless laugh, refusing to believe that you forgot a date this important, "there's no way today's the twenty-thrid, right? i would never forget, i wouldn't..." the fake confidence vanished with every word, your lip quivering at the end of your sentence.

"you did forget, y/n. but instead of beating yourself up about it here, you better go see your boyfriend to celebrate whatever is left of your anniversary," you would nag at sunwoo for his bluntness under every other circumstance; right now you could only muster a small nod though, hurrying out of the practice room while hastily waving goodbye to the boys. you couldn't help the tears that were welling up in your eyes, the stress and regret making your emotions act up.

you tried calling your boyfriend multiple times while on your way to the dorm, all to no avail - he wasn't picking up and you weren't even blaming him. you could only imagine how sad he must be; not only did you wave him off like that but now it's also abundantly clear that you forgot your anniversary. hyunjae wasn't the only one looking forward to it, you too were excited to spend the day with him and do all the stuff you had planned - picnic date, excessive cuddling, exchanging little gifts.

reaching the dorm, you stopped before knocking, taking a shaky breath to calm you down a bit. finally having worked up the courage to knock you do just that - once, twice, thrice. nothing. you knock again, the door flying open this time before you were able to knock twice. you're met with eric's displeased face, his brows furrowed.

"in his room," was the only thing he blurted out before he went back into the living room, leaving you standing in the doorway. maybe you'll scold eric for being rude later. maybe.

rushing to take your shoes and coat off you hurry to hyunjae's room, knocking on his door softly. he didn't answer, so you knocked again, "baby, it's me. i'm sorry, please let me in." it was silent for a bit until you heard the door unlock, though he didn't open it. slowly opening the door, you're met with your sulking boyfriend, sitting on his bed and playing on his phone.

slowly walking over to him, you sit down beside him, just looking at him for a bit. it's clear that he's upset, but he seems to be more sad than mad or angry. sighing you cautiously take his hand in yours, a small smile on your lips when he doesn't pull away. lifting his hand to your lips, you press a few soft kisses to his knuckles before you start speaking, "i'm sorry baby. i didn't mean to forget, but it's just been so much work lately. i'm happy you and the boys are getting the attention you deserve, but it's making my life a lot harder." hyunjae lets out a dry laugh at that, the smile on your face growing at the sound.

"you know i love you baby, and i was looking forward to it just as much as you were. i promise we'll celebrate, alright? just a bit later than planned. a belated anniversary, if you will." hyunjae finally turns to look you in the eyes, a small sigh leaving his lips.

"it's alright, i know how hard you work. i was just so excited to finally have a day just for us, you know?" nodding you lean forward a bit, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. "i know baby, but we’ll catch up on it. how about we get some midnight snacks, and you stay the night at my place? i still have to give you your gift, you know."

he thinks about it a bit, his grip on your hand tightening a bit. "can i pick a movie?" you nod, a small giggle leaving your lips; hyunjae smiling at the sound. he leans forward a presses a chaste kiss to your lips, murmuring a little "happy anniversary, dork." against your lips. you nuzzle into his neck, wrapping your arms around his torso. "i promise i’ll make it up to you, jae."

[a-mended-pact]

Unsteady Keys: Chapter 6

Authors notes: This chapter is really short. I wasn't overly sure if this was a good stopping point or not for it. I also will not be posting the next couple of chapters for sometime. My messages and asks are always open.

Word count: 2,192

Part 5 Part 7

Warnings: I can't think of any for this exact chapter. If there is any please inform me.

Requests are open

I think her vision finally cleared because with the way her eyes flickered between Ethan and I. I knew one of us was in for a rude awakening and I certainly knew it wasn't me.

She moved before I could stop her and I winced at the impact of her palm to his face.  The sound of it echoed off the walls in the seemingly abandoned office. My wife wasn't thinking like a federal agent and how that just crossed too many lines. She was thinking as herself and that probably wasn't a good thing.

'He trusted you! He invited you to our wedding and you were involved in kidnapping him!?! I can't believe this! You bastard! Why are you not in a holding cell?! Better yet, why are you not in an interrogation room!?' She was vibrating in my grasp as her voice got louder and louder. She was no longer filled with the overwhelming emotions she was dealing with earlier; she's now just one big bundle of rage.

I should be trying to stop her. I really should but it was so rare when she let her emotions get the better of her that I didn't wanna stop her. I was sorta enjoying it. That is until she turned to me and glared. 

She shook with anger as she looked at me. Like a small puppy trying to hold in a bark. The longer she stared the more she shaked. She was trying to control herself. One of her rules that she made of her own choice was that she'd never yell at me. I told her how preposterous that was. Sometimes I deserve to get yelled at. 

The rule was made due to past trauma of hers that definitely doesn't need to be brought up or discussed in front of Ethan.  He didn't need anymore ammo to use against us. I'm not sure that he would but I couldn't take any chances.  Not anymore then I already have anyway.

I had enough time to catch Ethan's gaze before I watched my wife storm out of Morgan's old office.

-----------------

I paced around the bullpen until Tara told me if I didn't stop I was gonna leave a tread mark in the carpet.  I couldn't help but laugh. I sounded exhausted. I felt dead on my feet but I couldn't close my eyes. I knew that if I did all I would see was Spencer being hurt and tortured.  Me being right there only to have him look at me like I meant nothing to him. Like I was nothing.  Maybe I was but right now wasn't the time to dwell on that thought. 

I looked at her and then at the board of all the victims.  'Do you think it's possible that what Reid said is true? That Ethan didn't have a choice? That Ethan isn't fully in on it? They were kidnapping and killing victims that look like me for Christ sake.' I turned away from the board and through my hands up in frustration before I let them fall to my sides. 'Is Lindsey Vaughn even in on this? We have an eye witness identifying Ethan and here he is walking about as a free man. All because he has Genius in there believing he is innocent!' I could feel my aggravation getting the better of me again.

My palm still stung from the slap I gave him earlier.  I knew it wasn't protocol but I didn't care. He deserved it. All I wanted to do was scream. It wasn't fair. God I needed to sleep. I glanced at the analog clock on the wall. I've officially been up for 4 days now. Which honestly wasn't anything overly new. If I didn't take my medication regularly even without everything going in sleep would still eluded me. Insomnia is definitely a cunt. My mind never knew how to shut off.  Playing records of things I didn't want to see or hear. It had been 4 days since a proper meal. I began to wonder when someone would notice and tell Emily to send me home. 

A part of me hoped someone did another part just wanted to close this case and arrest all those involved. I was sick of Cat always having the upper hand on us in this case. I ran my hands over my face and sighed. I think it's time for a wake up call for our sleeping kitten.

____________________

When I came into view of Cat Adam's I saw that Spencer was already in there grilling her about what she'd done to Ethan.  Asking if Lindsey was the true unsub all along. He was making assumptions completely based off the fact that he knew Ethan. I understood truly I did but he was being biased he can't seriously excuse that his college friend was a kidnapper. Whether being manipulated and played like a puppet on strings he was still a kidnapper and the victims deserved proper justice. 

'So you're telling me that you're not the one behind this really Cathrine? I doubt that. I really do. He has photos of me in Mexico.  Drugged laying next to Nadie Ramos dead! Don't tell me you had nothing to do with this and it was all just Lindsey!' His voice was nearly ruptured the speaker when I turned it on. He was so loud. He was so angry that I myself flinched. I don't see how she could just sit there looking at him unfazed as if this was normal for him.

I watched as she leaned forward making herself look like a viper ready to strike. 

'Spencie If I knew Ethan being evolved would have you so worked up I would have done it sooner.' She smiled at him. 'I however did not plan on you being taken. You being apart of it like that wasn't part of the plan.' She leaned her head on her hand.  That's when I realized he had taken off her restraints.  What was he doing?

'My only goal was to make you squirm in discomfort as your precious wife went missing. With the chance of her being another victim on the side of the road. Ya know I don't go for the throat Baby boy.  I go for the mind.' She laughed as she swiped his hair out of his face. He let her. 

----------

I was furious with everything that had happened.  Ethan being evolved I almost through me off the edge. Then her saying that the goal was for it to be Y/n and not me made me see red. I needed to remind myself that I needed to remain calm. If I didn't I wouldn't get anything out of her besides her lust filled obsession of me being angry with her. 

To be honest I did think about playing into her desire for me. It would have been an easy choice. A simple one. I could have gotten away with it if it wasn't for the fact that my wife was already upset with me. 

I didn't mean to do it but I did end up leaning into Cat's touch when she moved my hair out of my face. I was disgusted with myself.  I was a better man than this. Yet here I was mesmerized by her eyes as they watched me with the curiosity of a wolf preying on sheep. Only I was a wolf in sheep's clothing.  

How easy it would be to deduce Cat Adams into nothing but statistics and profiling. She wanted to have me squirm in misery but It would be so easy to have her broken and on her knees for me.

I pulled away immediately once I realized what I had done. 'You are threatening a federal agent not to mention you are an accomplice to what happened. Even if I wasn't the target. You still knew who took me and who else was involved and you still chose silence. '

A smirk formed on my face as I moved my chair closer to her. Pulling it around the metal table and on her side of it. I leaned in really close to her ear. To be fair I had no idea if anyone was watching or listening but I wasn't about to take anymore chances. 

I gently moved her hair behind her ear as I leaned in closer to whisper. 'If anything would have happened to my wife or Ethan I would certainly be the one in an orange jumpsuit.' My hand slipped up to her throat not squeezing hard but with enough pressure to remind her of the time I had been this close to her last. 'I would watch the life drain from you and sleep well. I know how much you love when people see the resemblance between you and I.' My hand tightened before I slung it off her with such force she wobbled a little in her chair. 

Cat watched me with her pupils dilated as she gently caressed the redding skin where my hand had been. 'If I didn't know any better Spencie I think you just like touching me.' The way she panted as she watched me made my skin crawl. I hated myself for thinking she was such an attractive specimen of a human being. Her mind intrigued me more than anyone I have ever met.

I wanted to pick apart her psyche. I wanted to know what made her tick. Besides her abandonment issues and lack of empathy because she was never shown any kindness a day in her life. Even if she was shown some form of kindness I'm sure she didn't know what to do with it. She probably shut herself down from it. Most likely abused by someone in her life. She was just like every other unsub so why did I crave her so much more.

I couldn't figure out my attraction to her after all these years. Sure she held a very natural beauty to her but she was nothing compare to Y/n who could strut around her hair a mess and stains on her clothes and still pull me in as if she were the gravity holding me to this earth.

I realized then one of my biggest mistakes of the last few days as my wife walked in leaning herself against the wall with her arms crossed. I could tell the moment I walked into the bureau that she hadn't been sleeping. I also knew from her mental state that she in fact hadn't been taking her medication.  

I sighed more at myself than to her. 'Love you shouldn't be in here. If anything you should be at home resting and taking care of yourself.' I turned to lock eyes with her only she wasn't looking at me. She was looking at Cat Adams. 

'You know it's been a couple of hours since you and I spoke. I was hoping you'd be willing to share some info but I see you've been busy.' As she spoke her eyes never left Cat. 

I was surprised to watch the manipulative woman squirm under anyone's gaze. 'So here's the thing Catherine. I'm done playing nice and pretending like I'm not steps ahead of you already.' 

My wife strutted to her, swaying her hips from side to side in a confident manner.  I was intrigued by what she meant but chose to keep my lips sealed. 'The truth is. You lost control over Lindsey the moment you didn't want to hurt your precious Spencie and she didn't like that fact. She was in love with you and you betrayed her by trying to keep the federal agent she hated safe. The moment you brought Ethan in and had him take women that looked like me was the moment you fully and completely lost control over her. By then she knew you would never truly hurt or kill Spencer because rather you understand it or not the desire you have was never to kill him. All you want is his precious attention to never leave you. Simply because you’ve never had anyone show you their undivided focus until he showed up.’ My eyes widened. I kept my head down as I listened. Clearly my wife was done playing by the original rules of Cat’s game. It was always mental but right now my wife was aiming for the verbal killing strike. I glanced up and I could see her eyes hold unshed tears as she sneered at Y/n.

‘It’s funny that you don’t even understand the reasoning you are so infatuated with the idea of Reid. You've never had a man show you attention that didn't want to use you. Spencer came into your life showing you with respect and you didn't know how to handle it because you didn't know what that felt like. It's a shame really. ' 

Y/n kept her face calm but I could see the blood dripping from her palms as her nails dug into them. She was deeply upset right now. I doubt she even noticed she was doing it.

Taglist:

@sassymoon @rainsong01 @onlyhereforthefanfics @itsdars

[hollanderfangirl]

I Can Never Forget You |Tom Holland|

A/N: Prosopagnosia, also called face blindness, is a cognitive disorder of face perception in which the person is not able to recognise even familiar faces, including one's own. It's not 'blindness' exactly, they can very well see the face but are not able to tell them apart. They use other features such as hair to recognise people close to them.

Also I was actually writing smut but I'm missing someone terribly, so this....

Warnings: none

Word count- 1.2k

Life is hard when you can’t recognise the people around you. You never knew who was talking to you, or standing in front of you. You tried so hard to remember, but you just couldn’t. You couldn’t even remember the faces of the people closest to you or even your own.

You stand in front of the mirror, seeing the girl in front of you. She had a pretty face no doubt, but a little tired. She had these big beautiful eyes that you really adored, and her hair actually looked good today. Not bad, you think.

You hear the noise from the TV as you made your way downstairs. “Tom Holland has been spotted…”

That name made your heart skip a beat. It had been so long since you had seen him. Almost a decade. You tried to remember what he looked like but of course you couldn’t. But you remembered him. Your best friend. Your first love. The boy who showed you the world when you were just five years old. You remembered his silly jokes, how you both played on the swings in the park. How he once punched a boy because he was bothering you. Your first kiss, it wasn’t even that much of a kiss, but to you it was everything. Just a little peck on your lips, which barely lasted a second, behind a slide in a park on a Thursday afternoon. You remembered it all. You could not forget those precious memories, you could not forget him, even when you couldn't bring his face to your mind whenever you thought about it.

Your whole family knew him. Just like his family knew you. They always talked about how you both would get married one day when you were older. You found it gross back then, but now you would give anything to have that. Usually you would go on for days or months without thinking about him. But sometimes, just a mention of him or a small thing would remind you, you were sure it was him when you saw that boy with dark brown hair on the street two weeks ago. But you had been mistaken, just like always. You always mistook him for someone else, just hoping that one day, you were finally able to find him.

You remember the day you did find him again, just not how you thought you would. You kept staring at the screen which said he was casted as the new Spiderman. You wondered if it was really your Tom, so you rushed to your room, searching through old photos of you both. You always thought about what he had become. How he had changed. Did he still like Star Wars? Was he still into sci fi movies? Did he still sleep with his Spiderman blanket? Spiderman. He was casted as fucking Spiderman now. Did he even remember you? He still meant the world to you but you weren’t sure if you meant even a fraction of the same to him. You had always imagined finding him through social media, or him coming back on your doorstep, saying how much he missed you.

But now every possibility just seemed out of reach. It had been six months since you reached out to him, you had sent him numerous private messages on his Instagram, you could have commented on his posts, maybe he would actually see those, but you didn’t want to seem desperate. So you sent him letters to his house, you weren’t sure if he read any of them. You had lost all hope now.

You just sit by the TV looking at the unfamiliar but familiar face. It was hard to tell that it was him but his name was displayed in bold letters, so it ought to be him.

The doorbell rang and your mom signals you to open it. You reluctantly get up and open the door, almost absentmindedly. You see a boy, about the same age as you, he had dark brown hair and he was kinda cute. He looked familiar, you could tell that by his hair but you still didn’t have any hint of recognition. “umm yes?” you say.

“Y/n I- ”

“Wait you know my name?” he seemed a little too familiar. No…no it couldn’t be. It could not be him.

“Oh my god!” your mom exclaims from behind you. “So you’re Spiderman now huh? Come in, it’s been so long, love”

What? What the hell is happening? Your mom could recognise him but not you? Was this a dream? Or were you just hallucinating? Your legs were trembling and you were sweating, your hands were involuntarily shaking. You just kept staring at his face, trying to convince yourself that it really was him and this was really happening. You try to form words in your mouth but you freeze.

“So… how have you- how have you been, y/n?” he asks you.

“What are you doing here?”

“Uhh what do you mean?”

“It’s been ten years. Where were you? Why did you show up- like…outta nowhere? Why are you here?” the words come out too suddenly, you knew that was not how you should speak to someone whom you’ve met after so many years. But you couldn’t help yourself, the situation seemed too bizzare.

“I….I saw your letters. I just read them all”

“Just read them? I’ve been sending you letters for six months. Six months! What took you so long?!”

“Yeah well they must have gotten mixed up with fan mail you know”

“Do I look like your fan, Holland?!”

“My assistant must have thought so, jeez. Are you angry with me?”

“No.. I’m just confused. It’s been so long, I’ve been trying to find you for so long. Why did you leave like that? You never told me you were moving. You never told me you were leaving school”

“Y/n it happened so suddenly, I- I don’t even remember about it now”

“I even called your mom, but the number wasn’t valid anymore,” you were on the verge of crying now, you couldn’t hold back your emotions anymore. Talking to him now seemed exactly like when you were kids, it brought back memories you didn’t even know you had.

“Yeah mum changed her number, look I’m so sorry, y/n. I really am. I have absolutely no excuse for not staying in touch with you. And I’m so sorry it took so long”

You sniff and wipe the few tears forming in your eyes. “You’re exactly the same. You idiot!” you laugh and hit his head lightly.

He laughs along with you. “And you’re even more beautiful than I remember”

You feel your cheeks becoming a tint of pink, you look away and try to change the topic. “So….Spiderman, huh?”

“Yeah that” he rubs his hand at the back of his head.

“Hey, just so you know, I didn’t try to get to you because you’re…famous or whatever now okay? I’ve tried to search you for years, and- “

“I know…. I know, you don’t have to- explain it. It’s me who should give you an explanation” he says putting his hands on your shoulders. “And did you really not recognise me? Did you….forget me?”

“I can never forget you, Tom, it's just....um I’ll tell you some day,” you couldn’t tell him just now. He was back to you after nearly a decade, you didn’t want to tell him just yet.

“Okay so tell me all about it! How are your brothers? And your mum and dad? And do you really wear a thong underneath your suit?” Of course you had done your research.

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