#sometimes i'm like “maybe i overreacted to all the shit that happened back then maybe it was actually all my fault”

[nightmare-from-heaven]

In this time it's important to remember that just because I wasn't Doing A Harm, doesn't mean that the other person isn't reacting to a very real Harm that's been being foisted on them with lots of damage points.

What I was doing maybe just looked similar to A Harm, and it was the 5000th little dismissal that broke the sanity's back. This does not mean that I was Doing A Harm. It's likely that I don't need to take on that burden. But it was legitimately Harm Shaped to them, and probably through a pretty fucking reasonable filter, tbh. So maybe we can make some not taking it personally for them.

But even if -oh shit- I *did* Do A Harm, well then that's just something to look at, fess up, find an actual apology for, and try to do different next time. It's usually (in the context of the internet) not a big enough Do Harm that I need to flail around about it.

BUT. Sometimes, my response to being told I'm Doing A Harm, is going to be to get pretty offended and fucking indignant, because I too have had people Do Harms to me, and I have my own filters for that shit running, all the time.

Right now, I think we're all entitled to some overreactions, and overreactions to those overreactions. That's really reasonable in this moment especially. We are freaking the fuck out, each in our own ways. I want us to all do our best to make space for overreacting to be happening, in other people AND in ourselves. And we don't have to double down to be right and righteous about whatever we were standing up for. We can just be like damn yeah I was overreacting bc of my own Harms received.

And in this back and forth, let us do our best to remember that who we're actually mad at, and who is Really Doing The Harms, is probably not any of us here.

I honestly think it's okay if we need to get a little messy right now. I think that's what the original reaction was saying. Human processing is not known to be a tidy process. What we *can* do is try to limit our Do Harms as much as possible, without contorting ourselves out of having needs and feelings, because that's just turning the Do Harms onto ourselves, which is just as much Harm, with just as much cleanup necessary afterwards.

There really should be a close that ties this all up nicely at the end, but I am wrecked y'all and have run out of wording brain. If anyone want to tie the things up tidy for me I am super down.

my other grounding technique is remembering that the earliest abolitionists & the earliest suffragists had no proof that the world would ever make possible what they fought for and indeed many of them did not live to see it come to pass. and yet they did not succumb to despair so it would be disrespectful to their memory to let it overtake me

[inniave]

it's so nice to live with someone who doesn't yell or hit me when i make a mistake or accident

[samandcolbyownme]

Summary: Anon request on tumblr - "love love love your work, some sam x colby x reader smut would be 10/10🙏🏼🙏🏼 no pressure & i have no preference for a plot so you can freestyle :)"

Plot: After an argument with the boyfriend, y/n winds up going to a party with her friends as a pick me up, and let's just say.. she definitely gets picked up.

Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language, arguing, hurtful things being said, mentions of alcohol, reader getting tipsy, mentions of reader cheating on super toxic partner, threesome, unprotected sex, fingering, oral (all), hair pulling, biting, teasing, scratching, general filth

Disclaimer: I DO NOT CONDONE CHEATING and I apologize in advance to any Stephan's that may or may not read this.

Word count: 7.1k | not edited

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"Why the fuck are you yelling at me?" Your boyfriend yells back from the couch. You hold your ground, "Because that's the only fucking way I can get anything across to you, Stephan."

"You know that's a fucking lie. You can talk to me like a gen-"

You cut him off with a laugh, "I have tried that. Over. And over again, Stephan. But every time I try to talk about the littlest issue, you. Let me repeat that.. You make it into something bigger."

"Bullshit." He scoffs and shakes his head, "Maybe if you didn't have an issue every single day, then maybe I wouldn't get so annoyed."

"Annoyed?" You nod your head, "Alright." You head towards the steps and he stands up, "No.. wait.. y/n.. I di-"

"Don't." You glare at him, "I'll go be less annoying somewhere else."

"Come on, you're overreacting. You know I didn't mean it." He walks towards the steps and you stop halfway up, "I'm sorry that having a girlfriend with needs is a fucking inconvenience to you."

He stares up at you, "Now you're putting words into my mouth."

"It's what you're thinking, though. Right?" You take a step down, "Why don't you think about all the times I shrugged off seeing girls in your phone,. Or the time you got a text message while you were in the shower."

"Those didn't me- I never answered them." He stumbles over his words, "If you want my phone, take it."

You roll your eyes, "Please. Like that will fix that's happening right now."

"What's happening right now?" He questions, "Because right now it seems like you're completely losing it over something that shouldn't even matter."

"But it matters to me, Stephan. It fucking matters to me because with my brand that I'm trying to launch, I need everything to be fucking perfect. You should know that, you've only been with me for how long?"

"So you're pissed at me for a lipstick shade that was a lot pinker than it was supposed to be? Nice." He laughs and sighs, "That's fucking great. I'm getting shit on. Because of a thick liquid you put on your lips. Thats awesome."

"At least you know it was a lot pinker than it should have been." You mumble, turning to finish walking upstairs.

"Y/n."

"Y/n. Where are you going?"

You ignore him as you walk into your room, packing a backpack full of stuff. Stephan walks in and stops, "Where are you going?" He walks over, grabbing the strap of your bag, "Y/n. I said whe-"

"I'm going to go stay the night at Shannon's." You snap, stepping back, "If you really need an explanation, I'm going there because she's always been there for me through shit like this."

"Shit like this? So you're leaving me?" He huffs, "Great. That just fucking great."

"I didn't fucking say I was leaving you. I need a night away to cool down and only being around you will just continue to set me off because you piss me off so fucking much sometimes."

He chuckles and moves closer, "You piss me off, too." He grabs your face and tries to kiss you but you push yourself off of him, "Wh- no. We're not doing that."

"I thought that we were-"

You cut him off with a loud, "Oh my god. No." You sling your backpack onto your shoulder and walk over to grab your makeup bag.

Times like these are where you're super glad you haven't moved in with him yet.

You turn to him, "We can talk tomorrow when we're both not so irate with each other."

"Why can't you just go home?" He shakes his head, "I don't understand why you have to go to Shannon's house. Doesn't she have people over like all the time?"

"What does it matter?" You shrug and he scoffs, "I just.. I know how she is and I don't really need you around random men all night, fuck."

You raise your brows, "What the hell does that mean? You don't, need? You don't have a fucking leash on me, Stephan. I'm not a fucking dog." You walk to the door and he reaches out, "No, I'm sorry. That came out wrong."

"It doesn't matter how it came out. You said it. You obviously meant it. It just seems like you can't fucking trust me and I'm honestly starting to get sick of it." You run a hand through your hair, "You're so suffocating at times and I just.. it won't work if you mark down how I fucking breath."

"But I do trust you, and I don't fucking mark down how you breath. That fucking psycho path stalker shit.." His voice softens, "I'm sorry.. can we just- look I do trust you. I just don't trust other men around you."

You laugh, "Yeah. Sure fucking seems like you trust me. I can handle myself. I've been to enough events to know that." You sigh, "I'll just.. I'll talk to you tomorrow because I cannot keep doing this today."

You turn, forcing yourself to ignore his yelling as you make your way out of the house and to your car. You get in, tears immediately falling from your eyes as you call Shannon.

"Hey."

You sniffle, "C-can I come over?"

"Oh my god. Yes of course. What happened?" She asks with concern, "Did he hurt you?"

"No, no. We just got into it again and I told him I needed a night away. He flipped when I told him I was coming to your house. Insisted I just go home basically."

"yeah no. You can most definitely come here." She sighs, "I'm sorry. I know he's your boyfriend, but I genuinely cannot stand the way he treats you."

"I know.." you sigh, trying to calm yourself down as you drive to her house, "I just.. I might just turn my phone off when I get there. I told him I'd talk to him tomorrow so.."

"You know what you need?"

"What?" You rest your head back as you watch the light turn from red to green. She laughs slightly, "A good. Night out. My friend is throwing a party later on, but if you do-"

"Yeah. Yeah, let's do it."

"Yeah? Are you sure?" She asks and you nod to yourself, "Yeah. I need to get drunk and figure out what I want to do."

"Atta girl. Are you almost here?"

"Yeah, I'm pulling into the driveway now." You turn onto the stretch of concrete and drive up to the house, "I'm here."

"Okay. I'll come down." Shannon hangs up and you park, staring at your steering wheel. Your thoughts are racing a mile a minute.

Arguing with yourself about whether or not agreeing to go to this party was a bad idea or not.

A part of you felt guilty because of Stephan, but the other part, the part you knew was right, wanted to go so bad just to spite him.

He couldn't control you.

You were a successful person, with an another and new line of cosmetics coming out. You knew what was right. You just needed that little extra motivation to do it.

You wipe your face and get out, meeting Shannon at the front of your car. She wraps her arms around you, "I'm sorry."

"No. Don't be sorry." You sniffle and lean back, "I know what I need to do."

She nods, "Yeah?"

You laugh slightly, "Yeah. I just need a little help from this thing called.. alcohol."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

"I only grabbed my sweats and stuff. I never kept any nice things at his house." You sit on Shannon's bed and she points to her closet, "Take something of mine."

"Is there a theme?" You ask as you walk over to her closet.

"Just to look as hot as you possibly can." She laughs and you nod, "Well that won't be an issue, now will it?" You move her dresses over and tilt your head at one, "How's this?"

You hold up a solid ruched cami body con dress to your body, "I think this neon green color is gorgeous."  Shannon nods quickly, "Oh hell yes. I'll the pink one."

She glances to your phone, "Your phones going off again." You roll your eyes, walking over to it, "Take a guess."

"Mm. Do I have to?" She sighs, "Want me to answer?"

You shake your head, "No. it fine." You press the green circle and put him on speaker, "Hello."

"So what? It takes five phone calls for you to finally answer?" Stephan says on the other end. You look at Shannon and she shakes her head.

You sigh, "Sorry. Shannon and I were caught up talking. I told you I needed space for a night."

"You could have at least told me you got there okay. Even though you left like you did I still fucking care."

You fight back your laughter and close your eyes, "No. you just like to know where I am all hours of the day."

"Hi Stephan." Shannon waves to the phone and he scoffs, completely ignoring her, "I just like to know that you're safe."

You mock him silently and Shannon covers her mouth to laugh.

"Well, since you must know everything.." you pause looking up at Shannon as you brace yourself for what's to come, "I'm going to a small birthday party with Shannon tonight. It's her cousin's party."

"What? Why do you have to go?" Stephan tries to keep his composure but both you and Shannon know he's about to lose it.

"Because Avery is my friend, too? Why wouldn't I go?" You sit down on the bed and pinch the bridge of your nose, "I grew up with her."

Stephan sighs, "Avery, right."

"I gotta get ready."

"What kind of party is it?" Stephan asks quickly, "Like is it a dinner or an all out rager."

You were getting annoyed, "A small dinner at some place across town. I don't know."

"How don't you know?"

"Because my day consisted of having a screaming match that fried my brain so the remembrance of a birthday party slipped my fucking mind. I gotta go get ready." You hang up before he has any chance to say anything else.

"Look at you go, girl." Shannon smirks and turns to finish curling her hair, "I'm glad you're finally understanding that he doesn't deserve you."

You nod, staring blankly at your phone that's lighting up with text messages, "Yeah.. it's really starting to show."

You take a deep breath, blinking away the tears as you stand up, "I'm so ready to get drunk."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

"This is someone's house!?" You look around, eyes moving up the palm trees that are wrapped in neon pink lights.

"Far from a little restaurant across town, right?" Shannon laughs and you nod, "oh yeah. Stephan will be pissed when he finds out."

"Sucks being lied to right." Shannon looks over at you and you nod, "Sure does." You smile and shake your hair out of your face as you walk through the doors.

Lights are flashing, the music is blasting, and you can tell that it's going to be a night that you hopefully remember.

"Alright. You need to stop thinking.. and start drinking." Shannon grabs your hand and pulls you over to the bar area.

Your eyes move over the bottles of alcohol arranged nicely. You feel someone bump into you and you turn around to find a very familiar blonde standing there pouring himself a drink.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to bump into ya." He smiles and looks up, "Or maybe I did." He shrugs and takes a sip of his drink, "I'm Sam."

You glance down at his extended hand, "As in, ghost hunter Sam?" You tilt your head with a smile as you lay your hand in his.

He nods as you look up at him, "That would be correct. Yes."

You couldn't lie, the glow of the pink neon lights made him even more attractive than you already found him.

"I guess I should tell you my name." You laugh slightly and take your drink from Shannon who wiggles her brows at you before walking off.

"I'm y/n."

He smiles, "It's a pleasure to meet you, y/n."

You can feel your phone vibrating in your purse and you sigh, "Excuse me for a second." You pull your phone out and sigh, "Sorry."

"Work call or something?" Sam leans against the counter and you take a sip of your drink, "Oh god no. More like boyfriend who doesn't understand what I need space means."

Sam takes notice as your phone lights up again, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry, but does he not want you here or something?"

You laugh and sigh, "It's kind of a long story, but we've been arguing all day and I made a decision that I need a little boost to go through with."

"You're breaking up with him?" Sam raises his brows and tilts his head, "I mean.. does he deserve it?"

You laugh, "I think so." You look up at Sam, "He's lied to me on multiple occasions and as of right now, well today.. my feelings basically annoy him." You raise your hand, "his words. Not mine."

"Oh yeah, no. He doesn't deserve someone like you." Sam shakes his head, eyes moving up and down your body, "You're way too beautiful to have someone who acts like that. He sounds totally  insecure."

You nod, sipping more of your drink. Then it hits you, "Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. We just met and I just trauma dumped on you."

He smiles and lays his hand on your arm, "No worries at all." Sam smiles and nods, "I'm going to go find Colby, take him his drink." He picks up the other cup, "We'll see you later, hopefully?"

You nod, clicking the side button of your phone to silence it, "Hopefully." You smile at him, biting the rim or your solo cup as you watch him walk away.

Shannon runs up to you, "Oh my god. You know who that was right?"

You nod, kind of in shock, "Mhm." You look at her, "Sam Golbach, and he hopes to find me later." You smirk and grab her hand, "Let's dance."

You walk with her to the dance floor and suddenly all your problems dissipate.

You no longer feel your phone vibrating in your bag.

You no longer feel the heavy set anger that was settled in your body.

What you feel, is happiness. Hope that your life will get better away from Stephan.

You also feel eyes on you. You normally have eyes on you, considering you're famous in the makeup world, but these eyes, feel different - are different.

You look up, eyes meeting Sam's and you give him a smile. He raises his cup to you slightly, nodding as he bites his bottom lip.

You tap Shannon, "I'm going for another drink." She nods as she continues dancing, "Bring me one!" You nod, walking off of the dance floor and going to the alcohol corner.

You feel a presence walk up on you and you smile slighting thinking it's Sam, but you were wrong.

"Wow, Sam told me you were pretty, but he didn't say this pretty."

You turn, a smile growing on your face as you see Colby, "You must be the other ghost hunter." You laugh slightly as he nods, "Yep. That's me, Colby."

"Y/n." You hold your hand out and Colby takes it, "Nice to meet you, y/n."

They knew who you were, just like you knew who they were.

You sigh, "I'm sorry." You reach into your purse, pulling your phone out and shaking your head as the number of messages you're receiving, keeping going up.

"Everything okay?" Colby turns, leaning against the counter and you nod, "Yes. Well, no.. but it will be." You look up at him, "I don't know if Sam told you, but I kind of trauma dumped on him about my relationship."

"He filled me in. Definitely sounds like he can't fight." Colby chuckles and you raise your brows, "You're not far off with that." You laugh and look back down at your phone.

Stephan:

Where the hell are you? I know you're not at a restaurant across town.

Whose house are you at?

Seriously. Fucking call me.

Y/n. Just call me, please?

So you leave me to go what? Whore around at some big party?

"Apparently I left him to come whore around at some party." You roll your eyes, tossing your phone into your bag, "I just.." you laugh, shaking your head, "I'm not the one who has lied repeatedly. I've missed events because he didn't want me going."

"You deserve time away from yourself and you're a big girl, you can handle yourself." Colby's eyes scan up your body, "He just needs to understand that the way he treats you, will come back to bite him in the ass."

You nod, not really knowing what he means, but you agree, "I've tried telling him that before."

"Maybe.." Colby shrugs, "I don't know.. maybe he just needs a rude awakening.."

You tilt your head, looking up at him, "What do you mean by that?"

Colby chuckles and shakes his head, "We can talk about that later.. do you dance?" You smile, nodding before taking the last gulp of your drink, "Yes, please."

Colby grabs your hand, pulling you to the dance floor. His hands move to your waist as you move your body to the beat of the music.

Little did you know, Sam knew you guys hit it off straight away. He was giving you and Colby time to click.

"Sam isn't going to get mad is he?" You look up at Colby and he tilts his head, giving you a confused look, "Why would he?"

"I don't know.. he told me that he'd find me later and-"

Colby leans in, cutting you off, "Don't worry.. We know how to share, sweetheart."

Your heart skips a beat and that is when you realize what is happening.

And you loved it.

"Oh, I see." You smirk, turning around and his hands pull your ass against his crotch as you grind against him.

Your eyes move through the crowd, landing on Sam's. He smirks and sips his drink as he watches you dance with Colby.

"So.." you turn your head so Colby can hear you. He leans down as you continue talking, "Is this like a normal thing you do?"

Colby shakes his head, "Not even close." He chuckles, moving his head in so his lips are right by your ear, "You're just different, but in such a good way."

You bite your lip, turning around to face him, "Then why don't you go tell Sam to come have a turn."

Colby smirks, eyes scanning over your face as he nods, "I think I will." He squeezes your hips before walking away and Shannon turns around, "Oh fuck, there you are."

She points, "Was that Colby Brock?"

You nod, "Uh huh." You look over your shoulder, smiling when Sam walks up behind you, "And that's Sam."

Shannon smirks, knowing exactly what's going on, "All I'm going to say is.." she turns around, playfully grinding against you as she sings, "Go bad bitch, go bad bitch go."

You smile, turning around to face Sam, "Hey."

He smiles down at you, "You having a good time?" You nod, "The best time I've had in a long time." You wrap your arms around his neck, "But I should break up with my boyfriend, soon."

"Why's that?" He asks with a smirk.

You lean in, "Because I really.. wanna do this." You close the space between the two of you and Sam wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you close to him.

You lean back, smirking up at him as he smiles, "I mean.. you do whatever makes you happy."

You bite your lip, "if I keep doing that, won't that make Colby jealous?" You watch as Sam chuckles, "You'll just have to give him what you give me." He leans in, "Just as long as I can watch."

Wet. Your panties are wet.

"You can do anything you want." You turn around, ass presses against him as he holds you close. Colby is now watching like Sam was, a huge smile across his face that he uses his cup to cover.

Sam and Colby. Two men that you never thought you'd be going home with.

But here you are.

"Whenever you're ready to get out of here, let me know." Sam whispers and you nod, "I just have to go make a phone call, then we're good."

Sam nods, "we'll find you in a little bit then, yeah?"

You nod, "Please do."

Sam walks to Colby and you grab Shannon, "I'm calling Stephan." She nods and links her arm with yours as you walk off the floor.

You make your way outside and pull your phone from your purse, "Oh speak of the fucking devil."

Seeing his name has you instantly heated.

"Straight to the point, babes." Shannon rubs your arm, "I'll be here if you need me."

You answer with a stern, "Hello."

"Where the fuc- why haven't you answered me? Where the hell are you, y/n?" He huffs, "You fucking said you were going to Shannon's, then it was a small birthday party at some restaurant across town and now you're- is that music in the back? Where the fuck are you? Are you not going to answer me? Are we playing this stupid fucking game again?"

"If you would give me a fucking minute to answer instead of just screaming at me, maybe I'll tell you where I'm at." You sigh, shaking your head as you look up at the dark sky, "I'm at a birthday party with Shannon."

"Liar. You're a fucking liar. Charlie sent me screenshots of you with a group of people, so are you going to tell me who that blonde asshole is?"

You laugh, trying not to burst into tears and you turn around, "I genuinely can't do anything anymore, right?”

"You can do what you want, but I thought it was agreed on that you wouldn't party with random guys. Fuck you are literally so stupid when it comes to that."

You clench your fist, all the anger that subsided bubbling back up, "Fuck you. I am not fucking stupid with anything but choosing to stay with you when I should have left at the sign of who you really were. And also, fuck you for treating me like this. I am more than enough. You just continue to make me feel like I'm not. So just fuck you. I'm done."

You turn around, stunned to see Sam and Colby standing with Shannon.

"Oh, and since you asked about the blonde, do you want to know about the dark haired one, too?"

"You have to be fucking kidding me-"

You put him on speaker and all three of them move closer to you to listen, "You're out fucking cheating on me? That is really fucking pathetic. We have one argument and you run to the first dick you see. Nice. I should have known you were that much of a slut-"

Sam grabs the phone, "Yeah first dick that she ran to here, you honest to god need to shut the fuck up and realize that you're the fucking problem."

"no, no. Who the fuck is this?" Stephan laughs, "Of course she can't stick up for herself.”

"I believe she did when she told you that she was done. " Sam holds his ground, "You fucking lost someone good when you made her feel like she wasn't worth it. So that's your fucking loss buddy."

"I swear to god. I'll kick your fucking ass. You hear me? You fucking touch her and I will break every bone in your body you worthless dick." Stephan goes off but you laugh as Colby steps up, "Yeah, second dick she ran to tonight, if you wanna do that to him, you'll have to go through me and I know what you look like. I don't really think you want to risk attempting that."

"You don't know what I'm willing to risk, asshole. What are you guys going to tag team my girlfriend? She must fucking love being ran through. What a fucking whore." Stephan sighs, "Can I just talk to y/n? Please. Y/n. Baby. Please."

You shake your head, turning away from the phone, disgusted with how he can go from calling you horrible things to trying to be sweet.

Shannon steps up, taking the phone from Sam, "Sorry, but I believe you just got broken up with." She hits the red circle and move to hug you, "Are you okay?"

You rest your chin on her shoulder and your eyes move between Sam and Colby, "oh yeah. I'm good."

They smirk at each other and you lean back, "If it's okay, I think I'm just going to.." you subtly nod towards them and Shannon smirks, "As I said, go bad bitch, go bad bitch go."

She turns around, "Take care of her."

They both nod and you take a deep breath as you watch her walk away, "Thank you, for doing that."

"I wasn't going to let him talk to you that way. That was uncalled for on many, many levels." Sam shakes his head, "But at least you won't be cheating on your boyfriend anymore."

Colby chuckles, "Yeah, speaking of. I think you owe me a kiss."

You smirk and tilt your head, "After what just happened, I owe you guys a lot more than a kiss."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

The ride home was quiet as you thought about what just happened.

You were upset about the breakup, you were pretty proud of how you handled it.

You were just more or less thinking about what kind of trending hashtag you'd become on twitter, because if there's pictures of you and Sam, things are going to blow up.

"You alright?" Colby lays his hand on your knee and you look over at him, "Yeah." You laugh slightly, "just thinking.."

"About?" Colby asks but you now have the interests of Sam, too.

"Oh you know. What headlines our names are going to be attached to in the morning." You shrug, "Not that I care, don't get me wrong, I just don't want your names being drug down by whatever Stephan might say."

Sam rolls his eyes, "Please. I'm worth more than his house." He chuckles, "Plus. Who's to say that you didn't break up with him when you left earlier."

You chew on your lip, as you smirk and Colby leans in, tilting your chin up to look at him, "You are too good for him. You definitely dodged a bullet with that asshole."

Your eyes move from his eyes to his lips and you lean in, closing the space and giving him the kiss that you and Sam talked about.

Sam's eyes are fixated on you and Colby slowly making out, "Fuck." His voice is low and Colby leans back, "It's only fair, brother. I got to watch you kiss her."

Sam smirks, sighing as he shakes his head, "No.. I meant that in a good way."

The adrenaline coursing through your veins made you feel like you were buzzing. You were fully aware of what was happening and you were living for it.

Although it wasn't an ethical way of getting over a breakup, you can now admit that you were mentally out of that relationship for weeks.

"We're here." Sam opens the door, walking around to open your door as Colby gets out. You smile, taking his hand as you slide out, "Thank you."

"Alright." Colby shuts his door and nods towards their house, "Let's go have some fun, yeah?"

"Let's do it." Sam leads you up to the door as Colby unlocks it and they both motion for you to go first. You walk in, looking around at their house before you feel hands on your waist.

You look over your shoulder and Sam has his chin rested on your shoulder, "You sure you wanna do this?"

You turn your body, chest against his as your arms slip around his neck, "you have no idea how much I want to do this."

He smirks and nods, "Alright. Follow me." He slides his hand down your arm, interlocking his fingers with yours as he guides you up the stairs.

Your heart was racing, you were kind of anxious because you've never had any kind of sexual relations with two guys at one time.

You didn't know what to expect.

"So what do you want me to do?" You sit on the bed as instructed and they look at each before Colby walks over to you. He kneels down between your knees and gently places his hands on your thigh, "We want you.." his fingers move to the inside of your thighs, "To just lay back, and let us please you."

You bite your lip, nodding slowly as you look up at him, "Okay."

"So go on. Lay back for me sweetheart." Colby grips the end of your dress as you lay back and he pushes it up, "You're so wet."

You lift your hips, pulling your dress up to your hips. You wanted him to touch you. You wanted both of them to touch you.

Colby hooks his fingers into the band of your panties, pulling them down your legs, "The moment I saw you, I couldn't stop thinking of how good you'd taste."

You look down at him, watching as he pushes your legs open and up. You watch in anticipation as he kisses up and down your thighs, whimpering as he bites and sucks tiny marks on to your skin.

"Don't tease her too much, Colbs." Sam chuckles slightly from off to the side, "I think she's been through enough."

You look over at him, only to have your eyes flutter closed as you feel Colby's tongue slips between your folds.

Your hand moves down to lay on his head as you gasp out a slightly loud, "Fuck."

"That's it baby, tell him how good it feels." Sam pulls his lip between his teeth, tilting his head as he watching your body jolt with each nip to your clit.

Your fingers lace in Colby's hair, tugging as your back arches off the bed, "Fuck, yes." You throw your head forward, watching him.

He grips your hips, pulling you close to him and he throws your leg over his shoulder. Your eyes squeeze shut, allowing yourself to be consumed by the pleasure.

You feel the bed dip down by your head and you open your eyes, seeing Sam above you. He runs his hand through your hair, watching your face twist with pleasure.

Colby drops a hand down, sliding two fingers into you. His tongue works your clit as his fingers slip in and out of you, curling at the right moments.

Sam reaches forward, pushing down the top of your dress to reveal your boobs. His hand moves up, giving each boob a slight squeeze before toying with your nipple.

Your eyes roll back, moans leaving your lips in a constant string, "S-so close."

Sam leans down, lips connecting with yours. You reach up with your other hand, lacing those fingers through Sam's hair.

He groans lowly as you pull, leaning back slightly to turn his head so he can watch Colby.

Your hips buck slightly and you dig your foot into his back, "gonna cum." You whimper out, moaning loudly as your back leaves the bed again, "Oh shit."

You clench around Colby's fingers, moaning as he gets you to cum. He pulls his fingers out as you look down at him panting.

He looks up at you with a smirk, "I was right."

You smirk at him, resting your head back to look up at Sam, "I guess it's your turn?" Sam smiles and nods, "I guess it is." He stands up, taking off his shirt before laying down, "Come here, babe." 

You get up, moving to sit next to him. He lays a hand on your thigh, "Come on." You bit your lip as you swing your leg over his body, hovering over his face. He pulls you down and his tongue goes to work. 

Your fingers tangle in his hair as your head falls back, mouth open as you moan, "Fuck. Fuck." You turn your head, looking at Colby who is slowly unbuttoning his shirt, eyes on you. You reach a hand out, indicating that you want him to come closer. 

He smirks as he shrugs his shirt off, making his way over to you. He rests on his knees, watching as your hand moves down his chest and torso, stopping at the top of his pants. He slides a hand up your back, holding you up as Sam works on bringing you to your second orgasm, "That feel good?"

You nod, "Uh huh." Your eyes squeeze shut as you slip your fingers into the band of his pants. He licks his lips, reaching down with his free hand to undo his belt, giving you more room to slip your hand in. 

He groans lowly as you palm him through his boxers, bucking his hips at the feeling of needing more, "Fuck." He slides his hand around, pressing his thumb to your bottom lip, "Bet this pretty little mouth does a good job." 

He watches as you open your mouth, taking his thumb gently between your teeth. Your lips wrap around it and suck, popping off with a smile, "Find out." 

He chuckles and nods, "Don't worry, sweetheart, I will." 

You look down at Sam, whimpering as you grind your hips, "S-shit." You gasp, squeezing your thighs shut slightly, "F-fuck, fuck."

Sam’s hands grip your hips before he tilts his head back, letting out a pleased sigh. You move off of him and turn to Colby, seeing as you’re just going back and forth with them.

But you’re definitely not complaining.

You slide your hands down, undoing his pants. He stares down at you, watching as you tug his dress pants down.

You slide your hands up his thighs, dragging them gently over his bulge before slipping your fingers into the band of his boxers. You pull them down, looking up at him.

He glances at Sam, nodding before stepping down off the bed. You pout slightly and he grips your chin, “Don’t worry. I think you’ll like what’s about to happen.”

He winks and kicks them off before stepping to the bed again, “As you were.” He smirks and you lean down, wrapping a hand around his cock. You lick your lips before leaning in to take the head of his in between them.

You slowly work on taking him in, swirling your tongue as you bob your head to get him wet enough.

You tilt your head, closing your eyes as you moan to the feeling of Sam pushing his cock into you.

Sam’s hands grip your hips, pulling you back to meet his as he thrusts all the way into you.

“Told you you’d like it.” Colby chuckles and lays a hand on your head. You take his cock back into your mouth, moaning around him as Sam starts to slowly thrust in and out.

“Fuck, yeah just like that.” Colby tangles his fingers into your hair, moaning lowly as he watches Sam behind you.

Your eyes roll back and close as you work on getting Colby into your throat. He gasps, “Shit. That a girl, baby.”

Sam groans, “Fuck, you feel so good, y/n.”

You pull off with a gasp as you throw your hips back, “Fuck, fuck.” Your nails dig into Colby’s thigh as you use your other hand to hold you up, “D-don’t stop, Sam..” you moan, “Please.”

Sam grips your hips tighter, keeping the same pace of his thrusts, “C’mon baby. Cum for me.”

You stroke Colby’s cock, slowly as you clench around Sam. You feel that familiar build up and snap, falling forward as Sam fucks you through your high.

Your lips meet the head of Colby’s cock, moaning round him as you take him back in.

Sam pulls out, same as Colby, and they switch spots.

You look up at Sam with a weak smile and he brushes hair from your face, “Taking us so good, baby.” He runs his fingers over your cheek and you close your eyes as Colby slowly slips his cock into you.

You let out a moan, gripping the sheets because the pleasure is about to be overstimulating.

“Are we making you feel good?” Sam bites his lip as you wrap a hand around his cock. You nod, whimpering as Colby starts to thrust, “u-uh huh.”

“Good. Good.” He tilts your chin up to look at him, “You deserve it.” He moves his hand, allowing you to take his cock between your lips.

You flick your tongue over the tip, moaning as Colby’s thrusts aren’t as sweet as Sam’s were.

You work on taking him in, coating him in your saliva as you shut your eyes. You pull off, gasping out, “Sh-it.”

“Cum one more time, baby.” Sam rubs your cheek with his thumb, “with us.”

You nod, leaning forward to take his cock back into your mouth. You moan around him, causing him to gasp and buck his hips.

You push your head down, taking him in fully. He lays a hand on your head, holding it there until you move it back up.

Colby groans, “Fuck, where do you want me to cum?”

You tilt your head back, moaning out as he continues to thrust, “On me.”

Sam watches as you go back to trying to get him off. You reach up, stroking what isn’t in your mouth. He groan, “Fuck, that feels so good.”

Sam grips your hair, pulling slightly as his hips jolt forward, “Almost there, baby. Fuck, keep going.” You continue to bob your head and twist your hand, moaning as you feel Colby pull out, his cum coating your lower back.

Sam moves his hips back, taking his cock into his own hand as he strokes, getting himself to coat your face with his cum.

You collapse on the bed, breathing heavy as the tiredness from everything sets in.

“Here, y/n.” Colby bends down, wiping off your face before standing up to wipe off your back.

“Thank you.” You smile, looking up at him. He bends down, brushing hair from your face, “Sam went to get you clothes. Do you need anything else?”

“Maybe some water.”

He smiles and kisses your head, “I’ll be right back.” You roll over onto your back, slowly sitting up as Sam comes into the room, “I brought you a shirt and pair of sweats or shorts, I didn’t know what you wanted so I brought both.”

You smile, working on sliding your dress down your body, “I hope I didn’t get anything on this. This isn’t my dress.”

Sam chuckles as he hands you the shirt, “We can always wash it for you.”

“Hey, y/n. Your phone was blowing up, I figured I’d bring it up to you.” Colby hands you your phone and you sigh, “Yeah, it’s my ex. He can’t handle the fact that he’s an ex.”

“No, I don’t think he can handle being dumped by y/n y/l/n.” Sam chuckles as he sits next to you, tying the string to his sweats.

“So.. I have to ask.” You toss your phone down, “Was this just a..” you look up at him, “One time thing.. or..” you immediately regretted asking that.

You didn’t want to sound desperate, or anything for that matter.

They shrug and look at each other, “I mean..” Colby starts, “I don’t want it to just be a one time thing..”

“Yeah, I..” Sam chuckles, “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for slide into those DM’s of yours.”

You laugh and raise your brows, “No I know what you mean.”

“No way.” Sam gasps, “You were going to slide into mine?”

“Well if you didn’t answer, I was going to slide into Colby’s next.” You joke with a laugh, “I’m kidding.” They laugh and Colby sits down, “We both were fans of you, mainly because of how you are. You’re a successful, powerful woman and that just..” he sighs and shakes his head.

“Gets us going.” Sam picks up, “We’re honestly just amazed by you, and you deserve someone, or you know.. two very handsome ghost hunters to show you that.”

You smile and cover your face, “Oh my gosh.” You look up, “That’s honestly so sweet.. sorry I’m just.. in a little bit of shock still.. I just never pinned myself being in a thruple with Sam and Colby.”

“Well, believe it, baby.” Colby smirks, “Because if you want, you’re our girl, now.”

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

Thank you all for reading and being so patient as I work on getting these out. I truly appreciate all the love and support I have received and will continue to receive!

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated! 🖤

[mustainegf]

IMAGINE CLEANING UP JAMES AFTER HE GOT IN A FIGHT W DAVE AND HES LIKE UPSET BECAUSE LIKE DAVE ALWAYS DOES THAT OR SMTH OMG😽😽

STOP OMG THIS IS SUCH A CUTE IDEA

𝐁𝐑𝐔𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐒 ¹⁹⁸²

I sat on the couch in the small living room in El Cerrito, flipping through a magazine that I had already read at least three times. I wasn't really paying much heed to the words. My mind kept drifting back to James.

He'd been spending more time with the band lately, and I knew it meant a lot to him. Metallica was starting to gain momentum, and while I could see the gleam in his eye when he spoke about their music, I could also see the strain. There was friction between him and Dave Mustaine, their lead guitarist. Dave could be volatile sometimes, a mess of anger and talent and booze. James had said more than once how it was like walking on eggshells around him.

I listened to the creak of the front door. First to step inside was James, followed by Ron, their bassist. But it was James that had my full attention. His face was a mess, blood trickling from a split lip, a darkening bruise setting across his cheek and eye, and a cut just above his eyebrow. He'd gone twelve rounds in a boxing ring by the look of him.

���Jesus, James, what happened?" I shot up from the couch.

"Nothing," he muttered, eyes flashing with anger. He winced, wiping his mouth off on the back of his hand, smearing the blood.

Ron let out a tired sigh, full of exasperation. "Dave. Again."

Irritation took hold of me. I hadn't expected this. I turned to James, still standing in the doorway, lost and furious all at the same time, mostly confused.

"Come on, let's get ya cleaned up," I said softer now. James didn't argue, which just told me how bad he was feeling.

We walked down the narrow hall toward the bathroom, and I flipped on the light. The harsh fluorescent bulb buzzed on, lighting up the tiny tiled room. I motioned that he take a seat on the edge of the tub. He sank down onto it slowly as if he were an old man whose bones ached from years of hard work.

I pulled a washcloth from the shelf and turned the tap, running the water warm. There was something in the air, something that was only ever there when James and I were alone. I dipped the cloth in, wrung it out, then hunched to my knees in front of him.

"This might sting a bit," I whispered, laying the cloth to the cut above his eyebrow.

He winced, but didn't pull away. Instead, he locked eyes with me, those beautiful, innocent blues. It was just us, his breath blending with mine, the sound of water dripping from the cloth, the warmth of his skin beneath my fingers.

"What happened, James?" I whispered. I was still looking at his injuries, saddened that James had become a punching bag or sorts for Dave. James was always shy, reserved, that just made him an easier target.

He was stuttering, his struggling to find their first move. "Dave's dog… it jumped up onto Ron's car, scratched the paint... I… I pushed it away. I didn't wanna hurt it or anything, but Dave… um well, you know how he is when he's had a few drinks."

I nodded, encouraging him to continue. I knew Dave could be a nasty drunk, but I needed to hear the rest.

"He just lost it. Swung at me before I even knew what was happening. And… I'm not a fighter, you know that. I didn't want to fight him, but fuck, I couldn't just stand there and take it either."

Guilt was overtaking his gaze. He was always the first to beat himself up over something, to take on blame that wasn't entirely his. That was one of the things I admired about him, his feeling, his empathy.

"I feel like shit," he muttered, his voice breaking just a little. "Not just cause of the fight, but… I shouldn't have shoved the dog. I didn't mean to hurt it."

"You were just trying to protect Ron's car," I said, moving the cloth to his split lip, dabbing away the dried blood. "Dave overreacted, and you know it. Yeah maybe you did something shitty, that doesn't give Dave the right to beat the living shit out of you." I scoff.

He let out a shaking breath and leaned into my contact, soaking into the cloth and leaving the shy young man he really was. "Maybe. But I hate this. All of it. The fighting, the... We're supposed to be makin' fuckin' music."

My heart broke for him. Beneath it all, feelings we had toward one another hovered just on the edge, begging to reach each other, to meet and forever bind.

"I know, James. I know." I continued to clean his wounds slowly. "You're trying your best. That's all anyone can ask."

"Thanks," he whispered finally. "For bein' here, you know..."

"Where else would I be?" I whispered, mainly in an attempt to lighten the moment, though it was obvious to anybody that my words were anything but casual. I couldn't fathom me being anywhere else at a time when he needed me.

When I was done, I rinsed the cloth and folded it neatly, placing it on the sink. I turned back to him an, before I could really think about was I was doing, I leaned over and placed a soft kiss on his bruised cheek, careful not to apply too much pressure to his wound.

The seconds stuck to our hearts, hardening like candy, a glaze to not be forgotten. His skin was warm beneath my lips, and I could feel the faint little indents of his acne scarring, something that I'd always found cute about him. When I pulled back, our eyes stuck once more. Maybe we weren't ready to put it into words yet, but it was there, tying us together, tightening.

"I'm here, James. I'll always be here," I murmured, knowing he would understand the underlying meaning.

[spiteless-xo]

Okay this thoughts been plaguing my head. Imagine fuck boy college Eren suddenly becoming a dad

🥺 omg this is so.....

i don't have a ton of knowledge about pregnancies so sorry in advance if i say something wrong

╰┈➤ suddenly becoming a dad.

ft. eren, fem!reader. cw. preganacy.

the two of you have been hooking up for a while so he doesn't use condoms anymore, but sometimes shit happens. so you text him to tell him to come over, and he's excited, thinking it's a booty call, but then you show him the positive test.

he thinks you're joking at first. like this is some weird new covid test or something -- but after assuring him that it's legit he gets terrified. the thought of becoming a dad has crossed his mind in the past, sure -- but not now.

i feel like he'll ghost you for a few days -- depending on how long it takes for jean/armin/whoever to convince him he's being an asshole

but then he's at your doorstep, almost in tears, telling you that he's sorry and that he's here for you no matter what. he's willing to step up and take care of the kid -- his kid.

he just treats you like a normal girlfriend for the first while, so nothing is noticeably different at first, except he stays over more than usual and he holds your hand in public

but the first time you go for an ultrasound and you hear the baby's heartbeat.................. this man is in tears.

from then on, he treats you like a queen. he doesn't let you lift a finger because he wants you to focus all your energy on "making our baby big and strong" 🥺

he stops going out to parties every weekend and spends more time chilling at home with you. even starts taking school a little bit more seriously now that he's got a family he has to take care of

(and the first time he catches himself thinking of you and the baby as his family..... he has to pause for a second and just sit with his thoughts -- that's the second time it really hits him that he's about to be a dad after hearing the heartbeat)

he even starts looking up different foods that you should eat to help your baby be healthy, things to avoid, etc. etc. he gets kinda crazy about it, tbh and practically forces you to stay in bed all day and it's not until the doctor says that he's overreacting that he stops

the first time he feels the baby kick, he's full on crying. he's got his hand on your stomach, palms pressed softly against you until he feels the little kick! and then he's looking at you with wide eyes, mouth agape like "babe, i felt it! i felt him kick!" (because he's convinced it's gonna be a boy)

he helps decorate the baby's room with you, and despite his insistence that it should be blue and boy-ish, you convince him to make it gender-neutral just in case. so he paints it a soft green and he builds the crib and the two of you start to get really excited about welcoming a new baby into the world

when you go into labour, he's already ready. he's had a go-bag for you in his trunk for the past few weeks. maybe he's in class when it happens, but the second he sees your text he's rushing to meet you at the hospital -- sprinting out of class yelling "i'm gonna be a dad!"

he gets dressed up in scrubs and ties back his hair so he can sit with you in the delivery room, holding your hand tight and breathing with you as you give birth

his eyes light up when he hears the baby crying for the first time and the doctor announces, "she's a girl!"

his heart feels tight when he sees you holding her for the first time and you point out that she has his eyes. he just can't help but look at the two of you, smiling so hard that his face hurts.

[mikoth]

hum...did you have some fear x ennui or ennui x anger headcanons?

uh oh...

angui headcanon time... 🗿

I see them as enemies to lovers. It starts with Anger seeing Ennui as a sarcastic lazyass who somehow made her way to headquarters and Ennui thinking Anger is like a small dog that's always barking about things that Ennui believes are either stupid or not a big deal at all.

After a while, with some wacky adventures along the way that I don't have any ideas for right now, Anger gains respect for Ennui and her ability to keep cool in most situations that the other emotions would be freaking out about and solve them with a press of a button or giving the emotions a simple solution. Seeing this made Anger think he might be overreacting sometimes (a lotta times) over things that are actually dumb or not a big deal at all.

Ennui gains respect for Anger and his passion and determination to make things fair and to drive forward to help Riley and the other emotions. This made Ennui realize that maybe she's being too careless and laid back, especially in situations that are actually serious that she previously thought were the emotions just overreacting.

This is when the crushing starts omg...

Anger's the first one to start crushing on Ennui. When this happened, he started to become antsy, and his outbursts became a little more frequent than normal. Ennui didn't notice this until Anger started to avoid her. Ennui gets confused because she thought they made up or something. So, she gets enough energy to get up from her couch to confront him about it.

After a bit, Anger blurts out his feelings for Ennui, leaving her shocked... but not in a bad way 😳

....

So they started dating, this is when my other, less serious headcanons come in after that long ass... introduction? Lore dump? I don't even know.

Ennui and Anger keep their relationship on the downlow. They give out hints, but they aren't really lovey-dovey in public. They just ain't like that.

Ennui teases Anger quite a bit by leaning on him, patting his head, speaking French cuz of course 😌, giving him small, unexpected pecks on his head or cheek, etc etc. This is enough to make Anger blush and have a little or a lotta fire come outta his head.

Anger tries to tease back Ennui by doing things a lot more direct and not so teasing when the other emotions aren't around. Like kissing her right on the lips, biting her... other stuff I can't mention because I ain't comfortable with writing any of that in public. But let's just say he'll do what he can to make Ennui as flustered as he was when she teased him.

If Anger could, he would wear Ennui's sweater, but he can't because it's too thin for him. I believe Ennui's clothes are very soft and comfy 🥰

Anger and Ennui call each other insulting nicknames for fun, making some people think they still hate each other.

Anger is the type to get jealous pretty easily, so anyone trying to flirt with Ennui is gonna get their ass punted. 😈 (not really, but he'll definitely growl at them and make threatening gestures to make them go away).

Ennui rarely gets jealous, but when she does, she'll gently pull Anger away from whoever he's talking to while giving that person the most chilling glare you'll ever see before walking off.

Ennui accidentally poked Anger's eye with her nose when they tried to kiss for the first time. When the other emotions asked about the eye, Anger lied and said he tripped and fell on something pointy.

Ennui has an Anger gallery on her phone.

If Anger had a phone, Ennui would probably spam a bunch of memes to him, leaving him confused and irritated. Ennui makes up for this by sending him a cute selfie after her brutal spam.

If they were on dream duty together, I'm pretty sure they'd be talking shit about the dream while snuggled up together and eating popcorn or sommin... 😭

Okay, I'm tapped out. I might post more headcanons when I get more ideas.

[violetmuses]

Requested! 💌

@readingisahobby 🏷

=====

2024

Sofia…

During one fatal mission, criminal Armando Aretas mistakenly targeted an innocent woman and the moment changed perspectives forever.

Riddled by guilt, Aretas vowed to never seek revenge unless victims harmed others and kept this rule while siding his dangerous mother Isabel.

Following his mother's death, Aretas took his lifelong prison sentence, but Detective Mike Lowrey stood as Armando's biological father.

Now, four years later, you joined the Miami Police Department and became Armando's partner, but companionship struggled time and time again.

He's polite to you yet quiet, rarely speaking unless work is involved.

Fed up, you've called Megan Burnett, Marcus's daughter, venting in the parking lot outside.

“He deserves to be happy, all right?” You've paced back and forth while talking on the phone.

“Just don't force anything. He's gone through a lot.” Megan responded.

“Everyone knows what happened with Aretas, but I can't keep working like this. See y'all later.” You groaned, hanging up.

Armando heard each rant, yet took Mike's Porsche and rolled out, leaving you alone.

******

Sometime later, Armando realized your every move, but you haven't shared thoughts in quite a while.

Even after lunch, you can't fight anymore and walk to this private room located in the building.

“What is wrong with you?” Locking this door, the argument flames.

“Talking shit behind my back isn't cool.” Armando defended himself. “I'm not stupid.”

“Maybe if we helped each other out, I wouldn't be so frustrated! I can't stand talking to walls.” You grit.

“I'm out. You're overreacting!” Armando slammed the door to leave, prompting tears as you jumped back.

*******

Agencies whispered that late Captain Howard muddled with the cartel for years, but Mike and Marcus would prove Cap’s innocence right away.

Armando identified whoever framed Captain Howard at all and scored the monster without hesitation.

With culprit James McGrath dead, Miami's AMMO squad exonerated Captain Howard, but Armando took blood, landing the hospital just to save lives.

Despite everything, you stopped holding grudges and visited every day, just thankful that your partner still lived.

“Knucklehead.” You smiled, pushing Armando's wheelchair at last.

“I'm sorry.” Armando whispered.

You accepted the apology and just moved on.

All is forgiven.

[batsplat]

maybe it's from the particularly acute disappointment of marc injuring himself at the sachsenring but this weekend (so far) has made me feel incredibly nervous for marc's future. like no guarantees of course but if marc was going to win anywhere this year (when the gap between the gp23 and gp24 is increasingly obvious, as you mentioned) it was going to be here. and i'm definitely overreacting because i'm emotional about it but it feels like him hurting himself here feels like a bad sign not just for this year but for the future at large. because it's a reminder that his body can't handle the riding style that used to take him so far. scary!

taking these two together ahahaa. this is truly the life of a sports fan huh

honestly with marc I've now swung so often and so far between 'it's so over' and 'we've never been more back' that I've gotten to an exciting point of. well. I suppose we'll have to see. I mean look, back in that jerez to catalunya stretch it did look like he might be able to be a serious title contender this season. at risk of making myself look like an idiot, I think we can pretty safely conclude that's not happening this year. but y'know, broadly what he needs to do is to figure his shit out for the rest of the year... like he kinda needs to just understand what this version of him can do under what circumstances. the thing about winning is that it's also a habit, it's something that becomes essentially muscle memory, you need to kinda have that reflexive understanding of how you've done it in the past - both in the context of races and titles. and it's still in there for him!! but he's just got to... take the rest of the season to chip away at the gap. currently, pecco and jorge don't just have the edge on him in pace, they have the edge on him in process. that's not just the bike, though it is also affected by marc being less familiar with the ducati. but pecco and jorge have just kind of gotten to the point where they know how to approach most weekends in a way where, more often or not, they will kinda maximise what was on offer for them that weekend. sometimes they chuck it down the road! but in terms of pure pace potential, right now they're getting to the point where they're there. marc is just a series of 'what ifs'. they're not all his fault, he's gotten unlucky, he's in a tough situation, he's still getting used to the new tracks on a ducati etc etc etc... but that's what this year is for. figure out the process, figure out how you actually go about getting wins in the current era - keeping your physical condition in mind - and take it from there

the physical stuff is the... yeah. the thing is, I do think he is capable of winning without all this crashing to figure out the limit. honestly, this approach of his made me deeply uneasy well well before what happened at jerez 2020. that injury and aborted comeback didn't feel like a fluke, it didn't feel like bad luck - in an awful way, it did feel like it had been a long time coming. that being said... well, y'know, marc was the only one who could win titles on the late 2010s honda, and part of the reason for that was that he figured out how to get a capricious bike just to the limit during races. you do not need to chuck the bike down the road fifty times per season to win the title on the ducati. pecco and jorge have very much shown that. sometimes it will just be dumb luck who gets injured or not! the sachsenring crash yesterday you can't really put down to marc being stupid or being irresponsible. he was hardly the only one who fell, weather conditions were tricky, shit does happen (not ideal that he tried to save the crash specifically because he knew his other bike had problems, plus the thing where he went out again before going to the medical centre, mind you). sometimes you fall a lot and you're fine, like marc for most of his prime. sometimes you crash at the start of the race and fall in front of the pack and your survival is up to fate. which is of course what happened last year to pecco, still one of the scariest crashes I've ever seen live in terms of crashes where you really do think you just got very very close to watching someone be killed in real time. this is the thing, right... at the end of the day, you can hope that marc finds an approach that relatively minimises the risk to his body - but also, you can only control so much. especially with where his body is at right now, there's only so many bad knocks you can take. you never know, you can only hope

overall, I have been thinking for a while that it's almost a bit... odd? how the physical stuff hasn't really featured at all in 2025-26 hot takes? I reckon people don't really want to think about it playing a big role, and also I suppose 'well one of them could get injured' is treated as just an underlying assumption of following motorcycle racing... but like we saw with catalunya last year, it's not just stuff that takes you out for ten races that can have big title race repercussions. especially given how marc traditionally went about winning titles, how big a part of that process it was for him. we've had such an incredible lucky streak from the start of the season until mugello that being afraid of injuries has almost... receded a little bit? in everyone's minds? after last year, in particular, where it just felt like you were always worrying about someone, it was just so relentless... and now injury worries have just come back with a vengeance these last few weeks and it is a little scary. a lot of this is scary. no real escaping it I'm afraid

but yes! anon! I agree with you! we'll get back to the smile and we'll get back to the optimism too.. at the end of the day, you can only do what you can do. we'll see what happens. if we're all massively underestimating just how much that sweet red bull cash can do and ktm comes out with a rocket ship next year and pedro wins the next ten titles, so be it. you never know

[symmage]

Ryan had a tan from hanging out in the summer sun for too long before Jaxon came over...so parts of her are...different shades of luscious chocolate. Yea, now back to the story....

The morning had come. Ryan woke up abruptly to her phone's alarm chiming. Frantically, she grabbed her bra from off the floor and deliriously fastened it on herself. There was only an hour's time to prepare for work. Knowing there was barely any time to get ready, she called her job to let them know she was running late and would be in as soon as possible.

"Well, this is not a good impression, considering I just got the promotion." she joked. "I hope they don't count this too harshly against me...I mean, I'm usually there on time..."

Jaxon laughed. "'I'm sure you'll be fine. It was a long night and my head is throbbing from that wine, what the hell was it!?"

"It was good right?" Ryan grinned. "I'm buying another bottle and saving it for our next get together!"

"Oh really? You're already making plans."

"You really wore me out Jaxon. It's been a while and I needed that." Ryan blushed.

"No lie, you were like a waterfall."

"Was I?"

"I told you this was good for us. You get what you need, and I get what I need. In the end, we're both satisfied until...you know..."

"Know what?" she questioned.

"Until you come crying back for more of the hammer." he bragged. "A good pounding always gets us back on track."

"That's not the only reason why I call on you!" Ryan snapped.

"Is that ALL you think I'm WORTH for your time?!"

"Whoa! Why are you snapping off at me like this?!" Jaxon asked, confused by Ryan's sudden outburst towards him.

Ryan sighed.

"I'm having an internal struggle with what is going on with you and me, Jaxon. Sometimes, I hate seeing you because I know what will happen when you come around."

"A part of me...wants to kick you out of my life, then the other half says...what are you doing...hang on to him...maybe he'll come around."

"Ryan..."

"How many times do I have to stress this to you. This can't be more than what this is. You agreed to this remember?" Jaxon asserted.

"...I do..."

"Then why are you making waves?!"

Ryan swallowed her words. She couldn't explain why she was acting this way. It had been eating away at her for the some time, but it all was coming to the surface and wreaking havoc on her emotions.

"I...want a little more than what...is being given..." she finally said.

"Damn it, Ryan! It's like talking to a wall with you."

"If this is going to be every time we meet up, then we might as well call it quits because I'm sick of repeating myself."

"E-Excuse me?!" Ryan stammered.

"You heard me, I'm tired of this shit! I barely see you and when I do it's this back and forth. It's ridiculous!"

Ryan stared in disbelief as she listened to him angrily ramble on. Their night of pleasure had turned so sour the morning after. She started to feel as if this was all a mistake. She shouldn't have ever said anything. Anger began to overcome her. How dare he act up on her like she was the problem!

"You know what, you're right! Maybe we should end things. I'm sick of your wishy-washy ass. I deserve better than what you're half-ass giving me anyways!"

"The fuck..." Jaxon muttered. "Are you serious right now?"

In frustration, Ryan stood up from the bed and stormed toward the bedroom door to leave. A tinge of guilt overcame her. Did she overreact? Why did she lash out like that in the first place? Usually, she was calm and collected, but her emotions were on a rollercoaster this time.

'I'm going to give you some space. It's what we're used to doing anyway, right? Let's continue what we already know,' Ryan solemnly stated.

Jaxon had gotten up from the bed as well, catching up to her before she reached the door.

"Look..." Jaxon started. "We both said some things out of anger, emotions are high, and we're coming down from last night's session, let's not do this right now."

"Can we rewind and go back to where we were, Ryan? Things have to be smooth sailing between us...alright?"

As she looked into his eyes, Ryan melted like butter on a hot summer afternoon. There it was—the reason why it was always hard to leave. The push and tug between them kept her wrapped under his spell. She didn't care. She wanted to stay entangled in his charm for as long as possible.

"Ok.. I won't question it again." Ryan folded. "I'm good...we're good."

"Humm...Good girl."

<-Back Next->

[gaykey]

I’ve mostly been a lurker, I just wanted to thank you for your posts these past couple of days. as a poc shawol it felt cathartic and comforting somehow that I wasn’t the only one completely shaken and feeling all embarrassed about how intensely I was reacting to this whole thing. Also wanted to say that it’s okay to feel conflicted about wanting to continue enjoying their updates. I’m a mess too after their apologies, especially when I feel like I’ll be betraying a huge part of myself if I unquestioningly jumped back into it all, even though I want to love them like I used to. infuriatingly, like key himself, I might randomly feel the urge to smack him or taemin upside the head in the future. It’s what I feel rn when their faces come up in my feed, and it’s so weird, it makes me so mad at myself, because they’re not my friends and I shouldn’t be feeling any of this! Maybe I should just applaud and wow them for the amazing artists that they are, and dial back on watching the rest of their content. I’m very glad they apologized, it did feel good, maybe, to see that. I don’t know anymore. I just need a lot and lot of time to settle into myself again. At least all this made me take a long hard look at all the behaviors I’ve unthinkingly picked up to emotionally regulate. I hate that a lot of the fandom are using similar conflicted feelings as an excuse to downplay what they did, and people’s reaction to their comments. to all the fans saying no one’s perfect, and poc like me are overreacting, I should get over myself now they’ve apologized- you’re absolutely right, no one’s perfect, and if I can’t find it in me to move past it, I suppose I wasn't a ‘true shawol’, and I should get the hell out when I can. I’m riding that emotional rollercoaster and feeling exhausted, so sorry for the long mindless rambling. maybe the best way for me to continue to be a shawol and not ignore what happened as a poc is to get some space, be there for myself and understand why I’ve formed whatever parasocial relationships I seem to have formed. I want to continue admiring them, because they and the fandom were the reason for a lot of changes in me. Maybe this will be another one of them. Please know you’re not alone in your feelings, and thank you so much for all your posts!

hello anon!

first of all, that's nice of you <3 i'm glad that my presence has brought you at least a little bit of comfort during this shit show. and no need to apologise for rambling. i do that a lot lol, sometimes you just gotta rant a bit and get it off your chest.

but isn't it weird how we feel all these conflicting emotions of guilt, and relief and anger and sadness and all sorts, over kpop men 😭

like, i get WHY of course, but, it's all a sign that maybe we should take a step back from all of this, like you said. and i've made the decision to do that.

mmm a lot of the fandom reaction is what has pissed me off the most too, twitter took years off my life. absolutely wild takes.

yep, i'll always continue to love them. i've supported them for literally half my life, but, it's time for a break.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas, 👋🤗

so i have a problem. its about my group of friends and im getting really worried at this point

ok so i have this group of friends me and four others ( i go to a school where all the classes have more then one grade) so two of these friends are a year younger. as of this year the two younger ones have started to fight

ok i got to back track a little, last year our group was me (i will give my friends nicnames to respect their privicy), M, S, E, & Z over the summer Z moved away and so this year their was a new kid who was a quick addition to our friend group (H) 🙂

now back to what i was saying S & E (who are the younger ones) so they have been fighting i guess, nothing physicle but still. S thinks that E & H are as they said "conspiring agenst me" and that seems true to them some of the time because E&H sometimes hang out without S

but i feel like there are TWO perspectives that i see this from: one is from S perspective which they think they are being left out of everything and that E doesnt really want to be in this friendship and the second point of view which is from E: E thinks that S is overreacting because "i hang out with you the same amount and somtimes you can be alot" 😶

from where i see it yes S can be a little much SOMETIMES (not alot) but i would too if i thought my friends didnt care me and E does tent to exclude S from some things they do with H 😕

honestly its getting to be a bit much for ME because im the one who has to sort out all this drama (M helps but its mostly me) and its really overwhelming because it hurts me to see to of my very close friends fight in a way that is really more emotional.

the first thing i think of when i think of these fights is one time at recess the two had fought over something and i had tried to sort it out but they were both mad. S was trying to fix it and asked if H & E wanted to silent read in the hallway (we had now just come back inside) and they both said they WOULD but they NEVER did instead they sat at my table (i had read in the hall yesterday and you cant two days in a row🙄(i would have sat with them)) and the whole time they were TRASH TALKING S and i tried buting in but they just said "its none of you business" 🤨(at this point it kinda is)

during that it made me think of that quote that is like "bruises and cuts fade eventually but the things you say never heal" 🥲

but i dont know. i just dont know how to fix it. i HAVE TO fix it. but its exausting.😮‍💨

i dont want to star yelling (which tends to happen when i get overwelmed) 😕but its been really damadging to my mental health, so bad to the point that i had a mental breakdown and i couldnt speak, the only things going through my head were "they need to stop fighting its to loud why cant everyone be quite" 😫i had to stay home from school that day because i COULD NOT talk (when i tried i would just start crying again) 😭

so what should i do PLEASE tell me if what is happing is normal and im just overreacting??? but if not how can i help them????

i will write again if that ok because their fights happen randomly 😅

(also sorry about all the emojis)



Hi hon!

Well, what's happening is pretty normal. Friends fight, especially when they can't quite figure out how to communicate their feelings.

But honestly, this is NOT your problem to fix. E and S need to work this out. And I truly think that if you stop being a part of it, that might force them to work it out on their own.

And here's the thing: this is becoming an issue for YOU. And that's not fair.

So when it happens again (because it will), just walk away. Tell both of them you can't be a part of it. Tell them you care about them, but you need some space. And maybe they'll realize they need to get their shit together.

You need to prioritize your mental health <3

I'm naming you emoji anon. Write back with updates!

[thingsiwantestosaybutneverdid]

TW.

Block don't report.

Mention of self-sexualisation (as minor)

Mention of sexual topics (r4p3 included)

Mention of self-harm

Mention of molestation

Don't even know why I made this blog. I keep trying to do shit that 'might help me' then lose all motivation in that.

Anyway.

I used to have one of those NSFW accounts on here to get attention from grown men. Was really into DDLG. I doubt I won't go back to that account when I feel low again.

Just the praise and the attention, you know?

Sometimes it feels gross and pathetic. I'm 14, after all. Sometimes I just don't care, and I like it. Sometimes it makes me sob.

The hardest part for me was the rape kink thing. Obviously, I know it isn't normal. I keep thinking about my brother. Sometimes I think I liked it. Other times, I know it's my mind trying to cope with the trauma that's making me feel like I liked it. Either way, I still feel it.

I think that — no, I know that no one will care about me unless I show signs, physical signs, that I'm doing bad. Let's be honest about that. You tell someone you're doing bad and they do nothing. But they catch sight of your scars and suddenly, suddenly they care?

I'm backtracking. Err...

Right. Rape kink.

I saw a post on Quora once, by a girl whose name I'm not saying. She was molested by her brother for many years as a child, too. She said that sometimes she wishes she was raped, so she could have the "justification". I get that. I feel the same way.

She talked about seeking for some things to continue.

I want that. Maybe I want my brother to come back. He left so abruptly, and I can't have any closure now. None. He gave me zero closure, and I just... I don't know what I want anymore.

I think the molestation made me very hypersexual in some sick way. It happened almost every day, and it was the only sort of 'love' that I experienced, from my big brother, who I looked up at.

I started sexualizing myself a lot. Still do. Thinking of myself as a whore, slut, bitch, whatever you could fucking think of. I think that's some kind of self-harm.

I wouldn't be surprised.

I want therapy. I need therapy. But I can't tell anyone what my brother did. I've been hiding it for so long, and I'm scared of what my parents will say. Of what my brother will do.

Maybe my parents will try to justify it. My brother is 3 years older than me. I was 7 when he started molesting me and he was 10. Maybe that justifies it. Maybe he was curious. Maybe he didn't mean it like that.

But the number of times he dry-humped me and cuffed me to my bed, and made me touch those parts of me, and made me watch porn with him...

Maybe he isn't the smartest, but he knew what he was doing. I think. Am I overreacting?

But he was 16 the last time he did it. I was 13. He made me sit on his face, and by then it had been 2 months since I'd last seen him, and I just panicked and somehow found the bravery to crawl away and then he went to juvy for some shit.

But he knew. He knew he knew he knew.

And I hope it's killing him. I hope he thinks of what he did to me.

But I know he probably isn't.

I'm struggling alone on this. He doesn't care. He never cared. I'm beginning to doubt he ever loved me. I'm beginning to doubt everything.

[cookiewoli]

INSOMNIA, HERE I AM AT 3AM WWEEEEOOOOOO let's cry together mate

It always pissed me off to hear people saying "There's no reason for your trauma. It's not that bad, you're overreacting" when I say that October-november-december are really hard periods for me, especially with CPTSD. People don't get what CPTSD is when they're saying "Turn the page. It's over. Don't think about it anymore, it's the past"

Okay, please open your Google navigator and search what CPTSD is.

The principle of CPTSD is that you can't escape your past, and you keep reliving it. To be simple.

STORY TELLING

TRIGGER WARNING ↓

Haha, okay it's past, I agree with it. "Trying to forget ?" More of 16 years of abuse ? Close your eyes on all the scars visible on your body, that will stay forever ?

Okay, go ahead, try to live with flashback and nightmares all the time.

Making nightmares remembered you the day where your mother kidnapped you. The day your dad tried to threw you through the window. The evening where your mother told you "Kill yourself. My life will be better without you. Nobody cares about you" while dragging you to the balcony.

Try to imagine living everyday with the fear that the people who abused you (for me, whole mother family, and especially mother and grandma) came for you and take you away from your actual life.

This is the nightmare I have the most. The nightmare that my mom and grandma catch me and take me back home. To a place I could never escape anymore. That fear get worse when my grandma came right in front of my house, spamming the bell. I don't remember what happened after, but my fiance and his friends here said that I was totally "gone", dissociated for hours.

Try to live when a little casual thing is a trigger for you. One of my biggest trigger is feeling cold. Yeah, it can be seems dumb and people are often laughing "lmaaao bUt iT's nOt a triGgeR wArNinG iF you'Re fEeliNG coLD iT haPpeN tO eVeryOne" but people are always judging you before knowing the whole story. Want to hear a good one ? Ah shit, here we go again, trigger warning ↓

I'm glad to not be often sick. Maybe twice per year, or not at all. Thanks to it, I would be already dead. I will explain why.

When I have a cold, my mother has her "own method" to heal. I wasn't understanding her method with me, because it's not the same that when it's her who is sick.

The worse was when I was sick during winter. Cuz yeah, most of the time, you're getting a cold during this season.

My mother was locking me into my bedroom. Naked. Without eating. The radiator off, and the window wide open, when it was less than 0°C outside. Imagine being lock into a freezer to simplify. Her explanation ? "To weaken the illness, you have to weaken yourself." 'To make the fever down, you have to be as cold as possible." But when it was her who was sick, she was laying under a big blanket, watching movies, drinking hot tea an eating a good meal and then takes a hot bath.

But you know what was the worst part ? It's not feeling like meat in the frozen section of the supermarket.

She was leaving the blanket into my bedroom. Right at my feet, clearly into my sideview. But she was telling me "If I'm coming in, and see you under the blanket, even just your toe, you will regret it."

And bam, she lock the door. I was not allowed to curl up in a ball. Because it can produce heat. She was coming to check that I was lying on my back. Just like a dead body at the mortuary.

I can't explain how does it feel to be trapped into this freezer. At the beginning, you can't help shivering from the cold. Sometimes you bite your tongue because you're shaking too much.You try to imagine yourself into a hot desert, but I can swear to you that it doesn't work at all.

After 1 hour, when you're watching your skin, it's kind of blue-purple. But you're not feeling anything anymore. I was feeling like into a dead body. So I was pinching very hard my arm, or self harming deeply to check if I was still alive. But you're don't ever feel the physical pain anymore. Just your psychological pain. You're feeling so, so, so cold, and the blanket is right in front of you. But you're not allowed to use it. It was the hardest part for me. Watching this fucking blanket, and hear my mom laughing when watching a movie in the living room and probably eating something tasty.

All you can do is cry all the tears from your body, feel your stomach crying out and then sleep. Times goes by so quickly, and you're loosing your sense of time. What time is it ? What day is it ? How many times am I trapped here ? At the end, you're opening your eyes for 5min and then fell asleep for several hours.

But at the end, just before dying probably, my mother was coming into my bedroom and threw me pills in the face. "You can't even heal yourself without my help. Pitiful.€

Thanks to this experience I lived several time, I have a BIG immunity to cold. Like an idiot, I'm going out with a tee-shirt and a skirt during winter when it's 5°C outside without feeling anything. But when I'm feeling cold, sometimes, I recall this memory as if I were there again. You remember the physical pain of your stomach growling, the psychological suffering, the hard desire to hide under the blanket, and the fear of see your mother coming into your room.

So I want to scream stfu to people laughing at me when I say that feeling cold is a big trigger warning. Stop judging people on their trauma. All people are different. A trauma that seems "not that bad" for you can be a big pain for someone else. And most of all AOZKDNFIAKA STOP COMPARING YOUR TRAUMA TO OTHERS, like "yeAh bUt I liVeD tHis, iT's wOrsE tHan yOu, so yoU doN't hAvE to coMplaiN abOuT yOuR trAuMa bEcausE it'S noThinG cOmparEd to miNe"

Remember that your trauma is valid. You have the right to suffer. It's not "not that bad" even if people are keeping saying this to you. Your trauma is YOUR trauma. People don't have the right to tell you how to feel about it. It's okay to feel pain. It's okay to remember the past. You have to get through it to be able to heal.

Drawing : avogado6

[uvanuva]

Y'know, new theories, new games, vanny, glitchtrap, all that surrounds fnaf's new generation is amazingly complicated and incredible. But, sometimes, the nostalgia of simplicity, how "easy" and breakable knots were during fnaf 1 - 4 generation brings me back so many memories. Good memories.

Don't get me wrong, even though I say "easy" now we were dying trying to solve mysteries like "who is golden freddy?" or "is the phone guy william afton?", "what are the name of the 5 kids?" and "why is the crying child always crying?" They seem easy now but at some point they were though! Even tho, they weren't impossibly complicated... They were mysteries that added a deeper layer to the dramatic story of murder and, somehow, I feel like today's scenario almost feels like infinity layers in a Sherlock-a-like labyrinth story (with a bit of horror).

It makes me wanna try connecting pieces first and enjoy the content second. Maybe that might be part of coming-back-late to the fandom (fnaf movie moment) and having to learn what just happened since sister location.

I know I'm overreacting things, and yeah, that doesn't make me love less the new characters or new games (I'm a sucker for sb and ruin). I just had this moment of realizing how much I love listening to the minigames' music box songs, thinking about all the ghost kids and be immerse on the old era scenario. A pizzaria with some dark shit going on. It's when I remember how sad the story actually is.

It doesn't matter how much we get to understand blank spaces or answer new old questions, the first kids will always be there deep in my mind.

[nightcall99]

Dreams from 27.7.24

Dream 1: I was sleeping in the bedroom at my old house and my brother was sleeping in the bed next to me. Even though I was asleep I still knew what was going on and I sensed that he had woken up and made some rude gesture over my head before going back to sleep. I tried to wake myself up in order to yell at him. I was very offended. I really wanted to say, Why the fuck did you do that. But I wasn't able to use my voice properly, it was like I was paralysed. All I could manage was a tiny whisper despite trying to shout with all my might. I'm sure he heard me but knew my meaning, but he didn't say anything. I kept trying for awhile before giving up. Then he finally told me why he did it, he said he had just been checking to see if I was awake. It didn’t seem so bad after all I thought he had tried to do something evil. Perhaps I had overreacted.

Dream 2: I was going for a walk in the neighbourhood and I decided to cut through the street via a house that belonged to a customer. I knew I technically shouldn't be doing this, since it's trespassing but I wouldn't bother anyone by doing so. A different customer who lived in an adjacent house, clued in somehow to what I was doing while inside of her house. I think because she heard the dog (of the house I was cutting through) barking. She assumed something bad was happening, like a robbery and she tried to intercept me by waiting for me to show up on the other side of the street. I saw her and her own dog just standing there as if to accost me. All I was doing was taking a short cut. I was annoyed. I said to her, Well I know the person who lives here and they know that I sometimes use it to cut through (in the dream, they didn't know, I was just making shit up) and I said, Mind your own business. This lady was being such a Karen.

Dream 3: I was at work and some female student was working with me who I don't recognise. She had put aside a vaccine for her to buy at the the end of the day but we had accidentally sold it. The other ones we had in stock were all accounted for. I said, Sorry we'll have to order it in for you again. It was really busy while this was happening. She said, Oh but my appointment (to get it administered) is tomorrow. I said, Well we'll work something out like maybe give you someone else's vaccine and order a replacement for them since I highly doubt that all the account for ones are going to get collected today. Even though I said this, I left it for MN to deal with later since it was so busy.

Dream 4: I don't remember much of this one just that I was in the a shopping centre food court and I wanted to order some cake.

[bepractical]

Kin: Season 1, Episode 9, Part 3

It’s here! My final recap for season 1 of Kin. 

Before I get into it, a little ramble. I first watched Kin as free in-flight entertainment on a plane from NYC to Dublin. I made it halfway through the third episode. By the time Michael killed Caolan Moore, got locked in the bar, freaked out and possibly triggered a seizure, I was done. It was too much to take in on public transit. Hours later, safely ensconced in my Dublin hotel, I hunted down some episode recaps to spoil the hell out of me until I was able to sate my fears, re: Michael having a seizure in the middle of a hit. Then I discovered RTÉ player and watched the remaining episodes from my phone. Yes, I spent my first day in Ireland getting over my jetlag and watching Kin. Worth it. 

Sometime later, I got the idea to do some recaps. There’s a real dearth of lengthy episode recaps out there, especially for shorter run shows. I started making them for me and still do, though I’m always delighted when people interact with my posts. Now the season is finally coming to an end and I need a new project. All that blabber to say, I’ve had a good time, and I’m gonna ride this wave of productivity right on into Daredevil. So if you like Charlie Cox but sassier, with tighter clothes, morals and occasional fights in hallways, stick around. I can't promise I'll be timely but I'm committing to the first season at least, though I hope to do the whole series.

Now you may be thinking, 'But bepractical, why not do recaps for Treason? That’s a short run show with little coverage.' The truth is, I read a spoiler for Treason on accident and my heart is not prepared to watch. Maybe one day.

Back to Kin! For previous parts see the masterlist here. Now onto the recap, where shit is going down! And by shit I mean, Eamon. And by down I mean, to the floor of a parking garage somewhere in Spain.

At the compound, Amanda arrives home and books it over to Birdy’s for a debrief with Birdy and Frank.

She tells them Eamon is down for peace, but he wants Eric. So that’s decided then. Birdy is 50 flavors of shocked but Frank is pissed. He correctly deduces that Amanda is at least partially responsible but I don’t care because seriously, fuck Frank.

Remember, Amanda has no intention of going through with this deal. The plan was always to kill Eamon. This charade has two purposes I can see: 1) to give Amanda and Anthony safe passage to attend Jamie’s mass and 2) to fuck with Frank. Frank has shown the bare minimum of consideration for Amanda and Jimmy’s loss. I wager Amanda wanted Frank to have a taste of what it feels like to lose your son. 

Amanda: It’s hard, even considering the idea of losing a child. You can try to imagine how painful it’s gonna be, how empty you’ll feel, how much you’ll blame yourself every day for what happened, but you won’t even get fucking close. But you’re the boss Frank. I’m sure you’ll do what’s best for everyone.

Go go go Amanda! She walks out of there with the hint of a smirk on her face while Frank overreacts like the overcompensating dickbag he is. He accuses Amanda of conspiring against him and even Birdy gets fed up. BIRDY. 

Birdy: Stop being so fucking pathetic. ‘You’re the boss’ then show it! Stop stamping your feet and shouting and do something! 

Birdy truly speaks for us all. She reasons that Eamon was always going to want a head, and if Frank wants to save Eric he’s going to have to do something. Good luck with that, sister.

Meanwhile, at the jail, Eric is trying to save himself. Good boy! Nikki's come to see him in the jail infirmary, where he’s recovering from beating himself up and where there are no cameras. I’m so proud! 

The two have a hushed conversation where Eric apologizes for not thinking of Nikki more. That’s good. Then he asks her to help find the eye witness who saw him do the shooting and to set up a hit on them. He needs her help but he wants her hands clean so he tells her to leave all the details of the hit up to Kem. KEM. Poor Eric's so far out of the loop, he may as well be in Mars. I am curious to see if and how this bites him in the ass next season. Nikki agrees and I’m so happy to see someone in this family other than Amanda do some plotting. It’s not much but I’ll take it.

Side note but apparently the cost of a hit is 20K, with 10K on top, when the job is done.

Amanda and Anthony show up for mass at the church where Jamie’s funeral was held. Amanda’s parents are there. I have this fear they’re going to kill Anthony next season, some kind of full circle bologna, but man do I hope I’m wrong. Look at this sweet face.

I’m gonna fly over most of these church scenes, which are cut throughout the next few scenes, where we catch up with Frank, Jimmy and Michael. I’ve read the mass portion is an homage to a scene in The Godfather Part II, which I have never seen. It’s possible it would have read more heavy handed if I had seen it but the gist is, the mass signals a transformation for Amanda, both in terms of her devotion to the family and her role as acting head. More on that later. 

Back at the compound, Birdy’s cleansing fire has sputtered out. She’s just a sucker for her brother, I guess. She offers to call Eamon and see what other deals can be made while Frank pouts on the couch. 

In the wilds of Ireland, Kem and Con meet clandestinley to discuss Kem’s supposed tip on Kinsella whereabouts. It’s a trap! 

Jimmy comes up on them, face covered and gun out, but dude cannot shoot. Con hits the gas and Kem, like a boss, grabs the wheel and forces him to crash. 

Con hops out of the car and tries to run but Jimmy’s finally found his trigger finger and shoots him till he runs out of bullets. Kem freaks and hightails it out of there. Even behind his mask Jimmy is horrified at himself.

Back at the compound, sad boi Frank snorts an entire handful of coke. For the first time in like, six episodes, I feel a little bit of pity for him. He was just not equipped to deal with this situation. 

While Frank’s od’ing, Birdy is on the phone with Eamon. She begs for a compromise that doesn’t involve Eric’s death and Eamon spills the beans on his deal with Amanda.

This whole thing frustrates me so much. It doesn’t matter if Amanda hypothetically chose Eric to die, she had no intention of honoring her deal with Eamon in the first place. Also, Eamon makes it clear that Amanda chose which Kinsella to die, which means someone was dying to appease Eamon. What better option is there? It’s just a cheap way to set up conflict with the family next season and I really hope they blow past it. 

Birdy runs inside to tell Frank that he was right, Amanda was out to get Eric all along! She finds him passed out on the carpet in a puddle of blood, from the nosebleed he got from his handful of coke. It’s pretty gnarly. She tries to wake him and calls emergency services. As much as Frank frustrates me I like this sibling relationship. I'm not sure if it's worth keeping Frank alive but I'd also like to see some development on his part. His spiral into ineptitude deserves a recovery.

And then, my favorite thing that may or may not have been intentional in this episode. We flip back to the church right as the priest announces, 'This is the gospel according to Matthew,' then immediately flash to the airport with Eamon. Guess who’s on his way? It’s Michael, aka Charlie Cox, aka MATTHEW MURDOCK! Intentional or not, you decide.

Eamon’s heading out of the airport with his luggage and his ex-wife’s birthday gift when he runs into Man Bun. He’s come to take Eamon directly to his dad, Eamon’s supplier, to discuss all that missing drug money.

Eamon’s visibly freaked but has no choice but to go with Man Bun and his flunky. 

They enter the parking garage and are almost to their car when Man Bun and his flunky go down with matching single shots to the head. Eamon turns around in shock and the camera spins to reveal Michael. Heck yeah! 

Eamon tries to plead his case- Amanda made a deal! The feud is over! Michael, cool as cucumber tells him Amanda lied.

He shoots Eamon right in the eyeball. Man oh man, did he deserve it. There’s a quick flash as Eamon falls of the woman from his vision that I still don’t understand and then he’s gone. 

That’s the stuff.

There’s a few danglers in this scene that I’m guessing next season will address. First off, Michael just killed three men in an airport parking garage. Yes, he was wearing a hat, and he left his gun behind (which is apparently The Move when you’re an assassin) but that place had to be chockfull of cameras. For now I’m choosing to believe that Michael is a good assassin who knows what he’s doing and didn’t put himself at unnecessary risk. We’ll see how that plays out next season. Second, Michael killed Man Bun, the son of a big time drug lord. They can handwave killing multiple people in a heavily monitored public space in the middle of the day, but they can’t handwave that. 

In the wilds, Jimmy pukes his guts up before setting fire to Con’s body and all the rest of the evidence. There’s a shot of a white sneaker that is definitely not Con’s. At first I was worried it was Kem’s, then I thought it might have been Jimmy’s. Until further notice I’m calling it an error. 

Cut to Michael leaving the garage. 

Let's take a minute to discuss how the two Kinsella brothers react to murder. Jimmy-the-softy, who had never murdered anyone before, threw up immediately. He scrambled through the clean up but that initial, visceral reaction got me. I really hope he doesn't lose his softness next season. It's the best part of his character, I think. Meanwhile, Michael showed no emotion whatsoever. Not a hint of enjoyment, for finally getting to kill the man who had terrorized him and his family, HIS DAUGHTER, for so long, but also no doubt or regret. This complete detachment is alarming and very Michael. The show has blugeoned us over the head again and again with the fact that this life is not good for Michael. He'll do what needs to be done but he gets no joy out of it.

Finally, Amanda lights a candle, presumably for Jamie.

Her mom approaches her with a plan her and her husband concocted, Operation: Get Amanda Out of This Damn Crime Family Already. Unforunately it’s too little, too late. Amanda’s a Kinsella now.  

And that's all folks! The first season of Kin. What do you think? Any thoughts or feedback? I may do one more wrap up post before I move on, we'll see. Otherwise, I hope to see you in Season 2!