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daily-dose-of-imagines · 4 years ago

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ꜰᴏʀɢᴇᴛ ᴍᴇ ɴᴏᴛ | ᴋᴀɪ ᴄʜɪꜱᴀᴋɪ x ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ | ᴏɴᴇ-ꜱʜᴏᴛ

Y’all thought it was oVER? lolol Blame Admin T--- I asked her who I should write for BNHA and she said this SO ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ As always, thank you all so much for the love and support for this blog~! I hope you all enjoy this as much as I did with writing it~!

I do apologize if I don’t capture his character the best ;;”

I won’t lie, I was listening to Might U as I was writing this.

» » Admin Ko

Tedious. At least, that’s what it should’ve been. Yet instead of feeling the normal bouts of irritation at the lack of control he had over the situation at hand, he felt...unnerved. The imaginary seed that was implanted in his stomach all those months ago seemed to only gain in mass.

“...Who are you?”

He shouldn’t have allowed himself to grow these...feelings. Not only did he feel contaminated and utterly sick to his stomach, but the strange ache in his chest did nothing to help soothe his frazzled nerves as those curious yet dim (e/c) hues peered into his sorrowful golden ones.

“...My name is Chisaki Kai...”

“Oh! Hello Chisaki.”

A bout of coughing and another grimace as the pain in his chest amplified tenfold at the horrifying sound. It disgusted him. It truly did, yet instead of feeling the need to get away, he wanted to get closer to her. To comfort her-- hell to shake some common sense into her. Even if it meant he would break out, he just had to do something.

“I...apologize if this seems rude...”

“What is it?”

“...what happened to your arms?”

“...I lost them because I was careless. This...I suppose, is my punishment.”

Her curious stare continued to wash over him as he felt the prickle of goosebumps rise on his shoulders. Turning away, he kept his gaze on the vacant wall of the hospital ward. This was torturous. She was torturous.

Yet still she managed to worm her way into his heart, and he didn’t know whether or not if he wanted to ask for cardiac surgery or to embrace this newfound emotion.

All he really knew was that if he had only been smarter-- hell maybe even faster at coming up with the quirk-destroying drug he could’ve prevented this. He could’ve gotten rid of the parasite that lurked in her veins.

➽───────────────❥

6 Months Ago

“Patient name: (y/n) (l/n). Quirk: Amnesiac.”

Trudging down the corridor, the man once known as Overhaul, walked in step alongside his parole officer / attending doctor. It hadn’t been too long since his arrest and...amputation. In all honesty, he wondered why he was being granted this rare privilege.

An assistant for a patient. That’s all they had told him. Of course Kai had to scoff. How on earth was he supposed to help? With the lack of usable limbs and knowledge limited to that of basic medical needs he didn’t really find a real necessity in this patient’s apparent ‘recovery’.

“...Amnesiac?”

“As it’s name implies, it’s a quirk that deals the user amnesia--- yet in our patient’s case it not only forces her to lose her memories, but practically breaks down her body’s physical state.”

“...In simpler terms?”

“In short every time she loses her memory her body deteriorates along with it. It’s as if her body is, in a sense...rewinding itself forward to make up for the fact that she lost those memories.”

A grimace. If he could, he would’ve spat out that he had been right in his assumption that quirks were just an infestation to the world, this patient clearly being a poor victim of it.

“...And what is my purpose of ‘assisting’ you?”

“As far as I’m aware, you’re pretty damn heartless and selfish. So it should be easy for you to not catch feelings for her whilst being a constant in her life right?”

“A...constant.”

“Yeah, just someone who she sees everyday until well...”

“She passes.”

“I mean...yeah. Damn you really are heartless.”

“Tch. This is a waste of my time is what this is.”

“Hey, you’re helping me whether you want to or not man. It’s just a visit everyday for like, an hour or two at most.”

Another grimace was given as Kai felt a shiver run down his spine. Despite the place he would be in was a hospital, it still brought the ex-yakuza boss a sense of dread. Especially with the amount of infested bodies that littered the place.

“...how long?”

“Holy shit dude, I get that you don’t want to do this but seriously---”

“How long until she loses her memory you dumbass.”

“..Oh. Well, from what we gather they can last from a day, to a couple of months. Though the longer she stays in a...well, let’s call it a session, the more it harms her body.”

“So say she forgets me tomorrow.”

“Then her body moves forward a day.”

“....After a month?”

“She lurches forward a month.”

“Thus leading to a quick progression in her deteriorating health.”

“...Exactly.”

It was, to say the least, unsettling to hear. Never had he heard of such a sickening twist for a quirk. No matter, the deal was simple. If he was lucky, this would last a year-- as fucked up as it sounded, the sooner she passed the less she would suffer in the long run.

As they neared the door, the clear unease that settled on his features was one that his parole doctor could see from a mile away.

“Chill dude, it’ll be fine.”

With that, the door cracked open, and there seated quietly whilst reading a book was a woman. By any standards she was normal, average, easy on the eyes with a slight fae-like feel. Though really it was most likely the early evening glow that cascaded into her room the moment they entered.

All Kai really knew was that it was the moment when gold met glittering (e/c) hues that a seed lodged it’s way into his stomach.

➽───────────────❥

It had started off easy-- well in Kai’s opinion it had. Every other day seemed to be a new start to the ritual that was re-introducing himself to her and making small talk.

In all honesty, he wouldn’t admit it, but the simplicity of being able to have a normal conversation with someone brought a sense of peace in him. Of course this didn’t mean his usual snark and calculating ways-- or so he says.

For Kai, this change in routine was oddly enough, welcomed. With everything he had gone and the collogues he had imprisoned god knows where, the opportunity to engage in small talk was to say the least, enlightening. It had surprised him. As someone who sought out tactical moves in reading his opponents, he found himself at ease with the simplicity of where he was at.

Granted it was albeit dull in comparison to the interrogations he goes through, it was still a part of his routine that he refused to change. Not when he’s been so invested in it.

That changes when the day he enters her room to find that instead of having to reintroduce himself to her, she remembers him. She flashes him a gentle smile with an endearing, “How are you?” and that in itself has the former yakuza leader lose his breath as he can only comically blink at her before forcing himself to adjust to this strange change.

No later did another change occur that brought a wave of new emotions in him. She had touched him. A caress to his cheek, and unsurprisingly in that moment he broke out in hives. His sight blurring as panic shot through his system at the abundance of thoughts that struck his head as the irritation from the hives had him reeling away from her.

He didn’t see her distressed face. Nor did he see the tears that streamed down her cheeks as she desperately sought out someone to help him. Instead, he awoke to his room laying down with his hives treated.

He felt violated. Disgusted, yet still. Even with that he found himself at her door a week later. Prepared to start a new with her and a possible replay of what had happened a week prior. Instead, he found her bowed deeply at the waist as she tightly clutched at the thin fabric of her hospital gown.

“I’m so sorry Chisaki! I didn’t know...I deeply apologize for what had happened!”

“...You...remembered?”

“Of course! You’re someone I can never forget.”

The pit in his stomach grew tenfold as his feet began to walk towards the awaiting lounge chair. Golden hues met truthful (e/c) ones as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat before once again bowing.

“I really am sorry...I shouldn’t have reached out to you like that...”

“...just be more aware next time.”

And like that, the pit in his stomach continued to grow. With each passing day she retained her memories, the more the pit swelled in size, and the more she began to work her way into his heart.

➽───────────────❥

Present Day

He didn’t know why he felt an overwhelming pressure in his gut. The lack of food he ate was odd enough, but to actively avoid something out of his daily routine? It was unheard of. He even made that stupid request to ask his parole doctor to grab (y/n) that stupid drink she liked.

Mentally shaking his head, Kai lightly tapped his shoe against the door before sliding it open.

The sight bestowed upon him though was one that could’ve brought him to his knees as the pang in his chest seemed to duly ache as he dragged his feet into the room.

“...(y/n)?”

It was quiet. The warm beams of the spring sun settled on her pale features as dim (e/c) orbs glimmered at the sight of him. He should’ve seen this coming. Especially after she had remembered him the day it set everything out of pattern. Instead, he turned a blind eye. Out of pure ignorance? He wasn’t remotely sure anymore. All he knew was that she shouldn’t be like this.

She should be her stupid lively self, cracking jokes and sharing her stupid stories with him. Not laying there like a corpse.

“Ah...Chi-- Kai, sorry you caught me waking up from a nap. I’m sorry I don’t look more presentable...”

“Nonsense. Now, tell me what you’ve done today.”

“Straight to the point huh? Sometimes I wonder how you’d ever date anyone.”

Though weak, the teasing tone she held in her voice was one that added more weight to his chest as he seated himself in what she declared the ‘(y/n)’s best friend’s chair’. A stupid name if you asked him, but he wouldn’t tell her that.

And like that, she spoke of her day, simple tasks and duties she’s done during her stay at the hospital while Kai listened to her as the best friend she claimed he was.

As for the new name basis, Kai couldn’t tell anyone when it picked up. All he knew was that it didn’t piss him off as much as it should’ve.

As the time neared for him to leave, she stopped him. A look of hesitance on her face as irritation seemed to grow on his own.

“What is it?”

“....Can I hold your face?”

“What?!”

“With gloves on!”

The statement caught him by surprise. Already he felt the disgusting voices in the back of his head whisper at him yet instead of acting on those voices he found himself mutely staring at her as she fumbled over her words.

All he could really pick out was the light blush that was on her cheeks. The spark of color that brought his feet towards her bedside as she stared up at him with shock in those (e/c) eyes.

“Tch. What are you waiting for?”

Caught off guard, she could only stare at him for a moment before giddily shifting herself to get off the bed. A noise of distaste left his throat at her motion as she merely rolled her eyes and shushed him as she went to fervently clean her hands before snapping on the gloves.

Yet as she did this he couldn’t help but feel the ache in his chest grow even more at the sight of her frail hands and the subtle appearance of a bruise around her wrist at her careless motion of snapping the gloves on. This was immediately forgone as she walked up to him, mindful to keep a distance before she hesitantly held her hands out in a flower cup motion.

At first, Kai had no idea what she was doing, but as he grew to analyze the situation-- as well as remember the odd videos and photos she decided to show him as she sought a sort of relationship herself-- he carefully put his chin into her hands. The hesitancy of her fingers brushing his cheeks pulled a new sort of fondness in his chest as he finally relaxed his cheek against her shy hand.

Golden eyes peered deeply into glimmering (e/c) as he watched her face light up with the most color he had see on her that day. Satisfied, he waited until she finally let go.

“...Thank you, Kai.”

“No problem.”

“No really...thank you...for everything.”

Unease quickly overtook the fondness in his heart as he straightened himself out. Confusion was clearly matted onto his features as he stared down at her.

“...Why are you saying that?”

“What? I can’t say what I want for once? You let me all the time so just let me say this too!”

Finding the whole situation uncomfortable, Kai made his way to the door once more. Though before he left he motioned with his head for her to get back into bed. In response, he got her usual snark as she stuck her tongue out before carefully getting back into bed.

“If you’re on good behavior tomorrow, I’ll have your doctor bring you that drink of yours.”

The light in her eyes was enough to satisfy him and his worries as she nodded quickly before giving him a mock salute as she excitedly got herself comfy in the bed.

“Alright, you promised Kai~!”

➽───────────────❥

“Who are you?”

It should’ve have hurt him as much as it did, but after 6 fucking months. 6 months of her being a daily part of his life where she did not forget him for a single moment came crashing down. The tremble that clutched tightly to his words as he re-introduced himself went unnoticed as he slowly made his way towards the lounge chair that was once considered to be (y/n)’s best friend’s chair.

“...My name is Chisaki Kai.”

“Oh! Hello Chisaki.”

He could tell she was straining with keeping up a happy front. Her appearance was frail. So delicate that he feared anyone who touched her would be the cause of her disappearing before his eyes. The drink he had requested for her sat innocently on the bedside table as she gave him a reassuring smile.

“It’s going to be okay...”

“...what?”

“You look...distressed, I wanted to just reassure you things will be okay.”

No they won’t. He wanted to scream it at her, that the rasp in her voice was punching holes into his gut. That the frail breathing she had was worse than his quirk being taken away from him.

And in that moment, they stayed in silence. Merely watching one another with mixed emotions before he broke back into the routine he once thought would be meaningless.

“...What did you do today?”

Her words, though slow, told him of a peaceful day. One with little adventures and many simple moments that he’s come to slowly appreciate in his own life.

Though as the hour of his leave came, he found it hard to get up from the chair. His feet staying practically cemented to the floor as he watched her peer out the window as the warm rays of the early evening sun cascaded over her. Much like it had that day he first saw her.

Forcefully pushing himself up from the chair, he made his way towards the door. Yet each step he took towards it the more the aching feeling in his chest grew as the fear of his last day in that room came to it’s due date.

“...Kai? Can you turn around for me...just once?”

The words caught him completely off guard as he turned to face her. Those eyes no longer were filed with guarded walls. Instead he was met with the face of (y/n). The woman he came to slowly adore within the past 6 months.

He didn’t even think. Instead he surged forward, practically bruising his legs at the force he decided to stop himself with. Though he didn’t care. The bruises be damned, she remembered him.

“...Can I hold your face? One more time? I promise I won’t ask again. I’ll even wear gloves!”

“...No need.”

The aching in his chest grew tenfold as he found it hard to speak. The overwhelming emotions that sat in his chest were ready to burst out of him. Though he wasn’t sure how. Instead he bent down slightly, finding her confused face even more endearing before he rolled his eyes.

“Well?”

“B-But...the hives---”

“I don’t care. Hurry the fuck up.”

Like that, the confusion vanished as she gently put her hands together in that familiar flower cup motion. Worry was clearly evident in her eyes as she looked at him, but before she could even question again he placed his chin into her awaiting hands. Already the prickly sensation of the hives began to pool as he could feel them form across his skin.

“K-Kai--”

“It’s fine. Shut up. You said you won’t ask again.”

“T-That’s true...”

“Tch. You can make it up to me by getting better so I can show you the world.”

“...when you’re not in prison anymore, right?”

“Right...”

It was hard to speak now. The lump that once was in his stomach had traveled to his throat as he watched her warm (e/c) glisten with unshed tears as she gently caressed his cheeks, ever so mindful of his hives as she tried to at least move her hands. Instead, the male pressed himself further into her touch as the tears began to fall. If anyone noticed the strain in his voice, they didn’t mention it.

“...If you’re gonna be greedy that do what you’ve been wanting to do you romantic obsessed moron.”

With that, she shifted forward before pressing a sweet kiss to his forehead as the tears came down harder. The lump in his throat making it almost unbearable to talk.

“...Thank you Kai...thank you so much for these six months...”

“.....”

“Don’t forget me...okay?”

“Idiot...as if I could even forget the one dumbass that made me breakout after my imprisonment.”

A weak laugh was given as she finally pulled away. With her eyes rimmed red, she shifted to make a call for a nurse, though that was cut short as Kai surprisingly climbed into her bed. No words were exchanged as she reluctantly shifted herself down into the bed-- though it did take time, she managed to curl herself in a way where she left distance between them.

“...aren’t you supposed to go?”

Featherlike and faint, he strained to hear her as he shifted himself down to properly face her as he melted in her (e/c) gaze. The slow dimming of life in her eyes was enough to tell him that it was time. However, he refused to believe it. If anything he’d find her awake the next day with that silly smile on her face. Yet even as he thought about this, the tears that he once thought were impossible for him, slowly began to stream down his cheeks as he nestled himself closer to her.

“....one day won’t kill them.”

“...mmm...”

“....go to sleep angel, I’ll be right here...”

“...and...you’ll be next to me?”

“...always.”

➽───────────────❥

Patient Name: (y/n) (l/n) Chisaki Quirk: Amnesiac

Time of Death: 6:05PM

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #overhaul x reader #kai chisaki x reader #chisaki kai x reader #chisaki x reader #mha scenarios #bnha scenarios #mha imagines #bnha imagines #chisaki angst #we about to drop more angst in this bish #i know i should be working on wips and requests but i can't help it ksksksk

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definegodliness · 4 years ago

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Petty and stiff-bourgeois

When the internet gets to me with people displaying next-level pettiness and stiff-bourgeois demeanour, I sink back in my chair to remember the pre-internet age. Not because those days were better, hell no, but because it was so much easier to put things into perspective. Nowadays, I’ve noticed that some of the eighteen-forties narratives posted would make me groan like a dog growls when a random person passes the window, soft and prolonged. It got that bad. So I had to find an antidote. And so I think of the times when a brand new national dictionary would come out. Because when a brand new national dictionary came out, you’d shortly after always get a sent in letter in the newspaper.

Now the newspaper and I go way back. I know I was a weird kid for reading them. But I always, and still do, loved the smell of inky paper. Some people like the smell of gasoline, this is my tic. Back in the day I loved its stern black and white aesthetics as well, and I do think newspapers ruined themselves by colour printing, just like churches ruined themselves by adding central heating. Churches should be cold. I’m not even religious, but there can be no discussion. How else will people feel small and humbled? Get your comfort at home, sinner. This place has been surrendered to the elements. The way God intended. Discomfort keeps you on your toes, and so newspapers should be large, printed in black and white, and without those convenient staples in the middle keeping it together, because the truth is large, clumsy, and uncomfortable.

Truth should stain your fingers.

Those newspapers made me study Journalism, right around the time old media extinguished. During that time, one thing happened that to this day baffles me still. Imagine this: a class of say twenty-five aspiring journalists, asked if they’d rather be sold dry facts or opinions, and all but I preferred to be sold opinions. I argued that one needs the dry facts to shape an opinion, and they all looked at me as if they saw water burning. And I remember the vacant stares when I mentioned I actually liked doing the effort to shape my own opinion. I have rarely felt so alien and misunderstood in my life. What happened to ‘the fly on the wall’? I wondered. The teacher chuckled.

He was glad ‘we’ still had a purist.

So that day I decided New-Age Journalism wasn’t for me. And, despite the nostalgia, I gradually stopped reading newspapers, like the rest of the world. Knowing the type of people who’d write what I was consuming of course didn’t help. But in the end I simply stopped reading because the truth had turned convenient, small, biased, and comfortable to whatever your affiliation is. To get a snippet of reality, I had to buy at least four different opinion pushers, which I did, and then puzzle my way toward the golden mean. It became such a chore I found myself solely enjoying the funnies, and, of course, the sent in letters.

When the internet gets to me with people displaying next-level pettiness and stiff-bourgeois demeanour, I think of what once was the rarest and most hilarious breed of human. You see, every time a brand new national dictionary would come out, there’d be sent in letters of people complaining about a myriad of words that our youth and good town folk in all decency should never be allowed to read. Cuss words, of course, but also words as uninspiring and plastic as ‘penis’, ‘vagina’, and ‘bosom’. Not to mention ‘scrotum’, or ‘nipple’. They’d go apeshit over ‘apeshit’, and in displaying their fifty shades of rigid fanaticism they’d become so grim, so helplessly humourless, that of course the contents of their letters became hilarious.

Boob is not a funny word per se, well, it’s kind of funny, but there is little more absurdistically enjoyable than the word ‘boob’ leaving the pen of a sourpuss in genuine disgust.

There are, and have always been, people so petty and stiff-bourgeois that they’d go through the lengths of buying the latest edition of a dictionary on the first day of publishing to then immediately dedicate hours of their time, locked up in the study to remain undisturbed, executing a self-imposed divine calling. Taking their trusty and angry red pencil to tag, count, and mercilessly comment upon commonly used words. Words sometimes distilled to their driest version, leaving no synonym at all to describe for instance a bodily feature. The entire endeavour demands such tenacity and dedication in maintaining that level of maddened outrage that you cannot convince me there isn’t a moment somewhere halfway the process they’re thinking:

“What am I doing?!”

The must consciously ans repetitively shush that voice of reason. Then, after all that, they manage to go even further. Let’s zoom out for a second to appreciate the absurdity of the situation. Someone who has just finished scouring the dictionary for words deemed immoral, utilising a standard that would put even the most dedicated puritan to shame, now sits behind their desks and takes the time to write an actual handwritten letter utilising their freshly and painstakingly gathered information. Enraged, I reckon, for the red lettered filth by their own hand written. And this is the frame of mind in which they probably read it over a couple of times, checking for spelling mistakes, therefore unable to see the undeniable irony of writing all these words they condemn so deeply, for people all over the country to read. This should be another chance to favour a moment of reflection. However, they are already in too deep, and now can only live with themselves thinking the end justifies the means.

Then there’s the moment when they walk downstairs proudly waving that letter, already in its envelope.

“Debra, I’m gonna tell ‘em!”

And Debra also doesn’t offer a voice of reason. Debra doesn’t even look up from her crossword puzzle and says:

“That’s nice, honey.”

And so they walk on. Toward the mailbox. With a letter of Don Quixote-like insanity that bears their full name and address as a sign of sacred dedication. And even then I reckon they still could be sobered up by the fresh air, experiencing a moment of clarity, actually seeing the ridiculousness of the entire situation. Another chance at self-reflection. And then still, lastly, there is still one moment of possible hesitation and contemplation left, the moment where they slide that letter into the mailbox’s slit and fate is finally out of their hands.

These people exist.

There are around eight decision making moments in this what is the shortest summary of necessary circumstances wherein the windmill chasing self-proclaimed virtuous crusader decides against better judgement. Eight decision making moments in an entire day of living dedicated to removing the word ‘nipple’ from the national dictionary’s latest edition. That was then. And this was when solely the utmost madly bigoted, self-righteous, and oblivious otherworldly specimen of human could seep through the filters of media consumption. Offered a platform for nothing other than editorial shits and giggles.

Now these people have internet:

Write, post.

Two decision making moments. And when the internet gets to me with narratives belonging to the eighteen-forties, I think of all the like-minded martyrs who in the time of ancient media went through all those steps aforementioned, only to bail out at the very last second of actually dropping off that dumb-ass letter in the mailbox. I think of the time when seven chances at contemplation was enough to save us from a mind-numbing display of mental deterioration. I imagine how vast this stiff-bourgeois crowd gets with every fewer necessary step. When the threshold has been lowered to merely two moments of chanced contemplation and reasoning.

When I sink back in my chair and groan like a dog growls when a random person passes the window, I make myself remember that who we are dealing with are non-threatening, hilarious crazies. Red pencil wielding dictionary condemners who have been shaken free from the threshold of effort. And I think we all tend to forget that. We forget to laugh at them. Laugh at them with all our hearts, shaking our heads simultaneously. We forget we are witnessing rarities. And must not allow ourselves to be cursed into taking the windmill chasers riding under the flag of anonymity seriously. When we forget to laugh at human absurdity, we become part of the joke ourselves. So let’s go out and wield some ‘lol’s and ‘tears of joy’-emojis.

#spilled ink #spilled thoughts #long read #write #writers #writers on tumblr #prose #column #creative writing #words #alt lit

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halothenthehorns · 3 years ago

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TLTNL- SNAPE’S WORST MEMORY

Vague note before you read; I don't like Snape. I never switched to honestly feeling anything other than vindictive 'I want to punch him in the face' syndrome for this guy. I never transgressed into the wondering realization he's a good person just because he loved someone. Yes he had a hard life, yes he sacrificed it to protect someone else, but I'm sorry, it does not make up for the countless things he does to children. Call it a cover, call it whatever you like, I don't condone it.

Sorry if that disappoints you or you at all disagree, feel free to argue back as I do love differences of opinion and will never scorn anyone for thinking otherwise. At least know I will never put such things into the fic, verbatim anyways, because Harry clearly thinks differently, and this is his story. Like with all other characters who people have different opinions about, all sides will be shown, even Snape's.

HPHPHPHP

Remus glanced at the clock and saw it was getting close to lunchtime, but he decided to keep going now with even the slimmest of hopes Dumbledore would make some miraculous return. He just couldn't imagine it, Hogwarts without Dumbledore?! Even in Harry's second year the idea had trouble him, and the Ministry had caused that one as well, admittedly through Malfoy instead of Fudge, but how on Earth did this keep happening? He forced himself to remember it wasn't right now, Dumbledore was up at the school this moment helping them fight off Voldemort for now, so he had to remain focused on that to begin, and immediately regretted it.

BY ORDER OF THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC

"Oh not another one!" James demanded, though at some point he really should have stopped being so surprised.

Dolores Jane Umbridge (High Inquisitor) has replaced Albus Dumbledore as Head of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-eight.

"That's not even, the Ministry can't-" James spluttered. The Ministry decreeing teachers at the school was mind blowing enough, but now apparently they could just assign headmasters to the school! What next, they were going to start put wizards behind the desk at Gringotts?

"I can not imagine this," Sirius groaned in disgust. "That, that kitten stalker behind Dumbledore's desk, and now with total control of the school! Is there anything she can't get away with doing now?"

Remus was so gray in color it was almost terrifying. The image wouldn't even form in his mind, the kind headmaster who had allowed him into the school replaced by that- that- he didn't even have any insults left!

Lily felt petrified for the students well being, she almost couldn't breathe for a moment at the thought of what all she could get away with now in regards to those detentions.

Signed by the Minister of Magic. These notices had been put up in the school overnight, as well as the story spreading of Dumbledore's miraculous escape from said Minister, The High Inquisitor, two Aurors, and the Junior Assistant to the Minister.

"Percy wasn't there when that happened," James corrected. "He'd left before Dumbledore started the fight."

"I'm surprised the school wasn't adding in a whole Auror department to the list, so I didn't correct them," Harry shrugged.

Details of this had gone away with people, such as one girl insisting to another Fudge was now in St. Mungo's with a pumpkin for a head,

"I wish," Sirius grumbled.

but what was surprising was how accurate the rest of their information was.

"How did they know everything?" Harry asked bemusedly.

"The portraits," all four at once reminded him.

Such as the detail that only Harry and Marietta were witnesses, and as the later was still in the hospital wing trying to get her curse removed, Harry was now being bombarded with first-hand account requests.

"There's nothing new," Harry sighed.

When told to Ernie, on their way back from Herbology, he at once assured Dumbledore would be back, and even divulged his own herd information from the Fat Friar, that Umbridge had later been seen trying to get back into the office, but was now bard. Apparently she'd thrown a right tantrum when unable to get in.

"Ha!" Sirius' bark of triumphant laughter was heavily echoed by all of them. It wasn't nearly what the cat barf was owed, but for the smallest moment, they got to enjoy her misery instead of the other way around.

Hermione viciously said how much she'd have loved to seen that. Fancying herself up in the Head's office, lording over all the teachers while being a puffed-up, power-crazy old-

Cut in of did Granger really want to finish that sentence?

"Yes, yes she does," Sirius protested of whoever had interrupted something nice for a change.

Malfoy had come upon them.

"Why am I not surprised," James muttered as he buried his face in his hands, somehow knowing this was only about to get worse with that albino reject involved.

He at once declared he was going to have to take points from both houses.

"Prefects can't take points away from other houses," Remus scoffed.

"I'm sure he's just already been promised Head Boy and was practicing," James rolled his eyes.

Ernie corrected only teachers could dock points from houses that weren't theirs.

"I wonder how many times he's had to be reminded of that when trying to bully little first year Gryffindors," Sirius scowled.

Ron reminding they were Prefects too.

"Actually sometimes I forgot," Harry muttered. After the initial shock, Ron had never made much of a show of it except for a few occasions.

Malfoy agreed prefects couldn't dock their points, also referring to him as Weasel King,

"Clever," Remus sneered with exaggerated sarcasm.

but the Inquisitorial Squad-

"The what?" Remus was interrupted by all four of them, which he found unnecessary as he'd been wondering the exact same thing.

he was cut off by Hermione demanding what that was.

Malfoy pointed to the I silver badge he had on his robes above his own Prefect badge, stating it was a select group hand picked by Professor Umbridge.

"I'm going to cry," Sirius vowed. "I, this, how do they keep managing to make shit up as they go along!"

"I never would have believed the school could turn into something so," James trailed off, without words for how different this place had become from his memory.

The Inquisitorial Squad did have the power to dock points from anyone.

"That just, completely undermines the whole system," Lily rubbed furiously at her forehead, thinking Fudge should be done with it already and rename Hogwarts 'The pre-Ministry of Magic.'

Then he continued with his first though, taking five from Granger for insulting the Headmistress, five from Macmillan for correcting him, five from Potter because he didn't like him,

Harry's eyes had narrowed with every insult Malfoy had given, even after all these years he still managed to find ways to be the most insufferable person in that castle, his only saving grace was he wasn't as bad as Snape and Umbridge, yet.

then five from Weasley for his shirt being untucked,

"Just take a round hundred why don't you, it'll be faster!" Sirius felt like his eyes were going to pop out of his head if he rolled them any harder.

oh, and he'd almost forgotten, an extra ten from Granger for being a Mudblood.

"Nice to know he forgets sometimes," Remus said testily, "I certainly never fail to forget how much of an arse he is."

Ron furiously reached for his wand, while Hermione pushed his arm down and hissed at him not to.

"Is she off her rocker?" Lily snarled. "I'd have cursed him at the start of this already."

"Trust me, none of us would have stopped you," James growled.

Malfoy was uncovered, stating new Head, new times, they'd better be getting used to this. Then they left.

The four turned to the hour-glasses that showed all house points, worrying that this couldn't really be happening,

"I wish I'd thought that for even a second," James shook his head, but he'd long since stopped questioning the depths that woman would go.

but even as they watched, the points shot down. Whereas Gryffindor had been neck and neck with Ravenclaw this morning, now they were both significantly less, as was Hufflepuffs house showing immense drops, the only unchanged one being Slytherin.

Lily looked about ready to pull her hair out in frustration. She couldn't believe such blatant favoritism could continue, the system had been slightly off kilter before and now it was just rampant.

The twins arrived then, commiserating Montague had tried the same thing with them during break.

"What does he mean, tried?" Sirius eagerly demanded.

Ron asked what he meant by tried?

Sirius was so giddy to hear any bout of revenge, he didn't even bother to gloat he'd just mimicked Ron.

Fred said without concern he hadn't gotten all the words out, as they'd stuffed him into the Vanishing Cabinet on the first floor before he could.

All five of them burst out with laughter for this, Harry's feeling a little more forced than he understood why.

Hermione looked shocked, saying they'd get into trouble.

Fred disagreed, at least not until they found Montague, and that could take weeks. Then they declared they still didn't care.

"Did they ever?" Lily rolled her eyes.

"Never been expelled were they," James defended. "Clearly they had some restraint."

Lily wasn't sure how he was able to say that as if it were actually a good thing.

Hermione asked if they ever had?

George said of course, they'd never been expelled.

Without looking up, Remus reached over and put his hand against Sirius' mouth so he could keep going very loudly. Sirius waited impatiently until his hand got tired and he removed it before bursting out anyways, "Lily and James mimicked them!"

"Thank you Blackie, I hadn't noticed," James said blandly, while Sirius crinkled his face in disgust for that nickname.

"Shut up Comet," Sirius snapped back.*

Fred pointing out they'd always drawn the line, George correcting they might have crossed it occasionally, but Fred pointing out they'd never caused real mayhem.

"Honestly, I'm not quite sure why," Remus mock pouted.

"I know I wouldn't have the restraint with the year I've been hearing about," Sirius agreed.

Ron asked about now?

Fred and George simultaneously agreed mayhem was exactly what their new Head deserved.

"I love them!" James declared. "Lily, we need to have twins."

Lily smacked him upside the head even while she was repressing giggles.

Hermione said they couldn't, Umbridge would have them expelled.

"I recall a conversation where they don't care," Sirius said eagerly, wondering how on Earth this could be Hermione's first thought.

Fred shook his head at her naivety, saying they didn't care, they'd leave right now except they wanted to pay their dues to Dumbledore first.

James was still bouncing in his seat like an excited toddler, glee and eagerness to hear what he'd been expecting from the pair of them ever since Umbridge had kicked his son off the Quidditch team. He had no clue what they'd been doing in the meantime, but surmised that the change may well have been they'd finally gotten premises for wherever their shop was to be. Glory this was going to be worth the wait, of that he was confident.

Then George informed them they may want to toddle along to the Great Hall so the teachers could see them peacefully at lunch.

Hermione asked why, and George promised they'd see.

"I'd fear for my life if I were Umbridge," Remus' grin was stretching into one Harry had grown to associate with a Marauder story.

"She hasn't the sense, and I'm almost glad for it," Sirius corrected with the same look in place.

Fred and George disappeared, and Ernie quickly did the same muttering about homework.

"I forgot he was there," Lily snickered. "I wonder how well he knew the twins before this to have such a reaction?"

"Clearly quite well, as he knew to make a run for it," Harry said with a smirk.

Hermione said perhaps they should go get some lunch.

James clucked his tongue at Hermione, Dumbledore couldn't have dragged him away from watching this.

Ron instantly agreed, and the three tried to move in with the rest of the que,

All three boys groaned loudly in agitation, they would have paid anything to get front row seats for whatever the twins had planned, and their boy was walking away from it!

Harry hardly looked upset at their reaction, he was vividly remembering already that they wouldn't have long to wait for details.

but when Harry turned around, he came face to face with Filch. He quickly took a step back, the caretaker was best viewed from a distance.

"Filch is best viewed not at all," Sirius corrected while all of them frowned for what this news could be for. Filch did not single out students for good reasons.

He told Potter the Headmistress wanted to see him.

"Don't call Dumbledore a woman," James rolled his eyes.

Harry at once stupidly said he didn't do it, his mind still on Fred and George.

Lily busted out laughing loudly at the look of chagrin on Harry's face and the three boys affronted look their boy was such a terrible on the spot liar. It hurt their soul.

Filch gave a silent, wheezing laughter at his guilty conscience, then instructed him to follow.

"Don't do it Harry," Sirius said at once.

"And what, run the other way and get in more trouble?" Harry demanded.

Sirius declined answering no matter how tempted he was to say yes, run all the way to Grimmauld place. Who'd have thought he'd ever even think such a thing?

He exchanged a look with Ron and Hermione before doing so, and as they left the crowd, he saw Filch was in an extremely good mood.

"Great, now I'm starting to fear for your life," Remus groaned.

"At least I have the sense to agree," Harry sighed.

He hummed to himself all the way up the marble staircase before informing Potter things were going to be changing around here.

"We've noticed," James said harshly, it had been disturbing him for quite some time.

Harry coldly said he'd noticed.

"Oh good, I thought it had just been us," Sirius tried for a happy snicker, though it was clear how distracted he was he hadn't realized this had been said twice.

Filch continued he'd been telling Dumbledore for years he was too soft on the students.

"And your idea of correcting that was medieval torture," Remus pleasantly reminded. "I'm sure he can understand why normal teachers methods are better."

These filthy little beasts dropping Stink Pellets every which way, they wouldn't have been doing so if they'd known he had the power to whip them raw.

Lily blanched in horror while the boys smiled grimly. They just couldn't believe Filch would ever go through with it, considering how often he'd threatened this and he'd always been laughed off.

Nobody would have been throwing Fanged Frisbees down the corridors if he could've strung them up by the ankles in his office.

"Why doesn't he ever just go for the Heretic fork, that's a grand old torture," Sirius offered in what he was sure was a helpful tone of voice.

"I don't even want to know what that is," Lily shook her head.

When the new Educational Decree Number Twenty-nine came through though, oh he'd be able to do that and much more.

"If he ever goes through with that, I'll give the man his own award," Remus snickered with a bit of an edge, implying it wasn't a trophy kind.

The Minister had even signed an order for the expulsion of Peeves.

"They're going to blow up that castle trying," James said conversationally.

"Hopefully the twins stick around long enough at least see that," Remus said without concern.

Harry was not happy to hear the lengths Umbridge had gone to to get Filch on her side, but he knew they'd pay off considering his extensive knowledge of all the school's secret passages, rivaled only by the Weasley twins.

"While that's true," Sirius sighed, "I still can't find him anymore of a credible threat than his cat. Timing is key in avoidance of him."

He finally stopped outside Umbridge's office, so very familiar to Harry from his many detentions.

"I'd be very pleased if you stopped reminding me of that," Lily hissed, though it wouldn't actually help, as that was ingrained into her being as much as the back of his hand.

The usual pink décor was as eye watering as ever, the only new thing the block of wood on her desk declaring her as Headmistress.

Remus adopted quite a cruel smirk for that was all she could claim, a useless block of wood. The school would never follow her.

Also his Firebolt and the twins Cleansweeps were chained to the wall behind her desk with iron pegs.

Lily raised a brow and stated, "a bit overkill," while James and Sirius looked physically pained at the thought.

She thanked Argus for his fetching Potter, while Harry took a seat. Not knowing what fresh horror to expect,

"I stopped wondering that and now just dread it," Remus grumbled.

he was completely started when she asked him what he'd like to drink.

"Don't do it Harry," James said at once.

"It's probably poisoned," Sirius agreed grimly.

"I just wouldn't accept anything from her on principle," Remus crinkled his nose at the thought, all of them wondering at what she hoped to accomplish by the sudden nicety.

When he hesitated, she prompted tea, coffee, pumpkin juice?

"The most fast acting poison you have," Lily muttered.

He at first refused, but upon her persistence, he picked tea.

She turned her back and made quite a show of pouring it into the cup as well as some milk before turning back to him.

"I'm starting to think that wasn't a joke," Lily told Sirius.

"I never meant it as one," Sirius agreed.

She requested he drink up while they have a chat, but when Harry still only held the cup, she impatiently waved him to try it.

The look on Harry's face was clearly strained, and they could all understand why at having to play niceties at this. The real problem was they couldn't put their finger down on why she was doing this.

He finally raised the cup to his lips, but froze at the last second upon spotting a kitten with very blue eyes, the same shade as Mad-Eye Moody's special eye. He could easily imagine what the old Auror would say to him drinking something from a known enemy.

James's mouth popped open with outrage. "You mean you actually were going to take a sip before you saw that?"

"But I didn't," Harry protested, starting to rub in agitation at his forehead, somehow knowing he'd be quite grateful for this, though not a clue as to why, she hadn't really poisoned that had she?

"At least Mad-Eye left a good impression, even the fake one," Sirius grumbled.

Instead he falsely took a sip with his lips firmly pressed together, and once he had, she asked if he knew where Albus Dumbledore was.

Lily was getting a worse feeling by the second, and she hadn't thought it could be possible, considering his company. "Why does she think you'd know that?"

"No clue," Harry sighed, as always wishing he had a better answer for them.

Harry instantly said he had no clue, and Umbridge went right back to encouraging to drink up his tea.

James kept shifting his weight with heavy unease, wishing she'd stop with the farce of politeness in this drink already, though perhaps that's the only way to be nice she knew, the fake kind. All he really wanted to do was transform her into a teapot and shatter the pieces already.

When she repeated the question but got the same answer, she switched to asking for the whereabouts of Sirius Black.

Remus choked hard, he couldn't even get his full name out, but he didn't need to, it was clear they'd understood.

"No," James hissed, looking nearly faint.

"No, she can't have, there's no way she knew that was you!" Lily protested. "I, you, you've actually been really careful, and smart, and..." she trailed off, because her words gave her no comfort, and it was clear they were going straight past the others.

"Okay, okay," Harry practically yelled to keep their attention before they had an utter panic attack to rival the one screaming in his head. "She doesn't know where he is, that's why she's asking!"

"But why!" Remus snarled, his eyes glued to the words, ignoring how hard it was becoming to breathe from the mounting fear. "She shouldn't have any clue what you know about him, as far as they're concerned he's still after you!"

"Something's changed," Sirius said slowly, and honestly the scariest part to all of them was how hard Sirius was clearly trying to keep up his usual calm in regards to this. "The only thing I can think of was that Azkaban break. Despite their stupid story they published, they realized something wasn't right, and they're trying to find some alternative. The only one they've got is what Dumbledore offered, so if they believe I was out trying to help Harry..." he trailed off with a miserable shake to his head. He had no hope that this change would help him at all, they'd still do everything in their power to bury all this even while looking for someone to blame.

Remus was not comforted, none of them were. It terrified him to keep going, to know what else Umbridge had called Harry up there to ask, though what in her sugar frosted mind made her think he'd answer was beyond him. Most likely she was just looking for a tell, some way to show he was lying to throw him back in detention.

Harry's stomach turned violently, the teacup in his hand shook and he pretended to take another long drink to stall, spilling some over his chin before answering he had no clue to this as well.

James couldn't help his high pitched keening noise. Harry was a terrible liar, they'd well established this, so if Umbridge had any uncertainties before, she'd know now Harry did know something.

Harry recognized that look, and flinched with guilt. He could feel tears stinging his eyes in frustration that he couldn't do Sirius any help, that somehow he was in fact going to make this all worse for his Godfather.

Umbridge was not impressed, saying she knew there had been someone in the Gryffindor tower, all the Floo Networks were being watched, except her own of course.

Harry made much the same noise James just had in distress. Remus gave him a sympathetic look for all the wrong reasons, but all they could think of was how upset Harry was he'd be going the rest of the year without talking to Sirius, something none of them had ever had to do.

Her Inquisitorial Squad was going through all mail, Filch keeping an eye on every secret passageway. If she found one shred of evidence-

BOOM!

"Thank you," Sirius nodded solemnly. "I really wanted her to be cut off."

James had to think hard past his unending worries regarding his brother to recall where or why this noise would be made, and had never yet been more grateful for the twins.

The floor shook, Umbridge nearly slipped off her chair, as both looked in surprise to the door. Umbridge took off at once, and Harry only paused long enough to dump his still full cup into a plants vase before darting after her.

"I'm sure that saved your life," Lily shook her head, they still hadn't ruled out that drink being deadly.

He could hear people running and screaming several floors below.

"Well Harry certainly has an alibi now," Remus muttered.

The source was not difficult to find.

"I'd be disappointed if it was," Sirius rolled his eyes.

One floor down, pandemonium reigned. Somebody (and Harry had a very shrewd idea who)

"Flitwick?" James offered helpfully.

"No, no, Crookshanks must have set something off," Sirius said blandly.

"You're both ridiculous," Remus told them fondly, "obviously it was Ginny."

Harry found a smile somewhere in him for their antics. He couldn't help it, they never ceased to be able to do that no matter how heavy his mind got.

had set off what seemed to be an enormous crate of enchanted fireworks.

"Moony," Sirius pouted, "why do you always get the best parts."

Remus scowled at him, honestly thinking that heart failure over what Umbridge could know had hardly been worth discovering whatever the twins were up to, but merely smacked him upside the head in response.

Dragons comprised entirely of green and gold sparks were soaring up and down the corridors, emitting loud fiery blasts and bangs as they went; shocking-pink Catherine wheels five feet in diameter were whizzing lethally through the air like so many flying saucers; rockets with long tails of brilliant silver stars were ricocheting off the walls; sparklers were writing swear words in midair of their own accord; firecrackers were exploding like mines everywhere Harry looked, and instead of burning themselves out, fading from sight or fizzling to a halt, these pyrotechnical miracles seemed to be gaining in energy and momentum the longer he watched.

Filch and Umbridge were standing, apparently transfixed in horror, halfway down the stairs. As Harry watched, one of the larger Catherine wheels seemed to decide that what it needed was more room to manoeuvre; it whirled towards Umbridge and Filch with a sinister 'wheeeeeeeeee'. They both yelled with fright and ducked, and it soared straight out of the window behind them and off across the grounds. Meanwhile, several of the dragons and a large purple bat that was smoking ominously took advantage of the open door at the end of the corridor to escape towards the second floor.**

Umbridge screamed at Filch to stun them before they could get away while firing off the spell herself.

The others had been far too enraptured listening to such descriptions to dare interrupt, but now that it was clear their details had been shut off for now, they still couldn't quite force words of wonder from their mouths, they were actually stunned stupid by something so spectacular occurring in their old hallways.

"The, twins, managed..." Remus trailed off there, words weren't good enough to cover this fantastic feat.

"These are the best kids ever!" Sirius shouted, his vivid imagination nearly not enough to cover this.

"I don't care what we do, we have to make sure at least this is managed again," James stated in no uncertain terms.

Lily was too busy giggling in agreement to add in.

However, the moment the red spell connected with a rocket, it exploded and tore out a chunk of wall. Umbridge at once turned on Filch and told him not to do that as if he'd suggested it.

"I'm not surprised she blames her actions on others," Lily managed to get out less hatefully than normal considering she was still laughing.

Filch needlessly agreed, being a Squib he could do this no more than swallow them,

"No, but I'd like to see him try," Sirius said with enthusiasm.

but instead went for a broom and tried swatting at them, only managing to achieve setting that on fire.

"Probably his most brilliant idea ever," Remus cackled.

Harry ducked away still laughing like crazy, and found the twins in the nearest corridor listening to the chaos with suppressed mirth.

"They've far more restraint than I would have thought," Lily managed while her shoulders still shook. "I would have expected them to proudly be standing under them."

"No sense when everyone will know who did it, but then you can't prove it," James corrected.

Harry told them he was impressed, they'd put Filibuster out of business for sure.

"Well I should hope not," James couldn't stop smirking. "A little healthy competition is good for them."

George whispered he hoped she tried Vanishing them next, that made them multiply by ten.

Impossibly, fresh and renewed laughter began again in here, now they were all wondering the ways these things could get better the more magic you tried to use on them.

The show continued for the rest of the day, often disrupting classes, though the teachers hardly seemed to mind.

"Because we have the best staff ever," Harry managed in between roaring with laughter.

For instance, when a dragon came soaring through the room, McGonagall blandly asked Miss Brown to go fetch their headmistress without out so much as looking up from her desk.

"I miss McGonagall," Remus wheezed out.

The highlight of all this being Umbridge spent her first day as Headmistress running around the castle covered in soot in her attempt to be rid of the firework, whom the teachers seemed incapable of expelling without her around.

"But of course not," Sirius widened his eyes with mock concern despite a few tears still pouring out of them. "We have no idea what kind of magic is behind these, who knows whose subject they relate to," which only managed to fill the room with even more laughter.

Flitwick had even been seen thanking her for the help, after all, he wasn't sure he had the authority to do this himself, before slamming the door in her face.

Lily nearly fell off the couch in utter hysterics, her infant laughing loudly along the only restraint holding her together.

The twins were the heroes of the common room that night, taking orders from everyone in the school for their own set of Weasleys Wildfire Whiz-bangs. Hermione fought her way through just to congratulate them, and they offered to add her to the list for a discount.

She returned to Harry and Ron to find them watching their bags as if hoping the homework would spring out and do itself.

"Wait, wait," James insisted with a rewind motion, and continued with the most important question yet, "did she buy some?"

Harry just blinked innocently without response.

Hermione offered they could do that later as wheel went whizzing past the window.

"I knew it!" Sirius pumped his fist in triumph. "I knew that one had to have more fun in her life than we'd been led to believe."

Ron asked if she was feeling alright, and she happily informed them she was feeling a bit rebellious.

"I'm so proud," James didn't even have to fake rubbing tears from his face.

"Only took her group getting disbanded to admit it," Harry chuckled.

"Though how she went from an illegal study group to not doing homework as rebellious is beyond me," Sirius said only semi-intelligible from laughing so hard.

Even when he headed up to bed they were still going full strong, a sparkler pausing right at their dorm window to write out Poo.

Harry was starting to get worried none of them had stopped laughing for so long, surely they were all going to run out of air soon, and yet none of them could seem to care. This was far too brilliant and a perfect shot of relief after all the stress they'd been dealing with of late.

He got into bed grinning at what Fudge would think when he heard of Umbridge's first day at Dumbledore's job,

"Probably furious," Sirius said with chipper.

"I can only hope it gets worse," Remus insisted with a grin, though he was flabbergasted how after that display.

and how Fudge would react when he heard that the school had spent most of the day in a state of advanced disruption.

"Oh I'm sure he'll find some way to cover it up, that's what he's best at," James rolled his eyes.

The moment he closed his eyes though, he was back in the long dark corridor of the Department of Mysteries, racing to the black door that opened to his touch.

The smiles slipped right off all of their faces like Snape had just appeared into the room. It felt impossible it should happen so fast, but the reminder of this dream and how deep Harry kept going just couldn't feel any good for them as it only reminded them of Voldemort's unexplained connection, and obsession with this place.

He was inside the circular room lined with doors . . . he crossed it, placed his hand on an identical door and it swung inwards . . .

Remus released a sharp breath, he didn't want to keep going, to find out how far Voldemort had gone inside this place. Whatever Voldemort was after it wasn't a good thing, couldn't those fireworks just wake Harry up again already.

Then he was in a new, rectangular room full of odd ticking sounds with odd specks of light, but he didn't investigate and kept pushing on into the next room, which was the largest yet, as big as a cathedral and filled with enormous rows of small, dusty looking spheres...and he knew this was it, he wanted something in here more than anything...and his scar was hurting-

BANG!

Remus finally sighed in relief, shaking slightly from failed adrenalin in the face of coming within arms reach of this mysterious whatever it was. He glanced up at the others, to see if they had any idea of what to make of that new information, when he saw Harry in a right state.

His face was screwed up tight, once tears of mirth now clearly were burning out from something far more unbearable. It was heartbreaking, to watch him flip so drastically all because his mind was forced to live through so many things at one time, things he couldn't even put into words without fearing something far worse happening than just pain.

Lily was trying to surge forward even still cradling her infant, but James beat her to the punch, trying to make his sitting on the edge of the couch casual even as he hovered over Harry in pure agitation he couldn't be of more help than this.

They all wanted to do more, say something for him, but he seemed paralyzed with pain, and Remus would do anything to help him, and so he did the only thing he could think of.

Harry awoke back in his dorm, confused and angry to hear laughter all around him, Seamus shouting about how cool that was,

"No, no it isn't," James grumbled petulantly as he continued to rub at Harry's back.

Remus agreed, having to fight hard to keep his attention on the book.

all four of them crowded around a window where a wheel and a rocket seemed to have mated.

It took an extra moment for them to reel back and remember what they'd just been laughing so hard about, and Harry wished he could feel more regret for ruining their moment of fun instead of always being the source of a problem with his blasted mind.

Harry did not get up and join them, instead left stewing with disappointment, like he'd been denied a wonderful treat.

Harry forced out a laugh that sounded nothing but hollow to everyone, even his own ears. He almost longed for that feeling now, it would be better than the wash of other things he kept feeling as a constant mention of that place continued to make him sick with worry.

A glittering pink and silver winged piglets was now soaring past the windows of Gryffindor Tower outside, actually catching Harry's attention.

Lily opened and closed her mouth in fasciation, longing to just go back and marvel at the twins magic with these things, and yet never having been less interested in magic as her child fought to retain any sense of normality.

Yet he still could not and join the whoops of joy from those around him, as he now remembered he had an Occlumency lesson the following evening.

"Oh boy," Sirius grumbled distastefully, while Harry somehow managed to look all the more worried about that.

He spent the whole day worrying what Snape's reaction was going to be when he saw Harry had gotten even farther, and his guilt only rose when he realized how long it had been since he'd bothered practicing his Occlumency.

"Can't even blame you," James shook his head pitifully for everything Harry went through on a daily basis, how Dumbledore, Snape, or anyone expected Harry to empty his mind of all that was beyond him.

There had been too much going on since Dumbledore had left; he was sure he would not have been able to empty his mind even if he had tried.

"Honestly understandable," Remus sighed, his heavy eyes hadn't really gained much back with so many sleepless nights in a row from here, he could imagine it being just as bad in the months for Harry with longer to dread on these things than they gave themselves.

He doubted, however, whether Snape would accept that excuse.

Lily made a deep throated noise of agitation, entirely not looking forward to what Snape was going to say to him about this.

He tried to empty his mind during classes, which helped nothing as teachers kept shooting review questions around.

"Well I could have warned you of that," Sirius tried for a smile that still felt forced. They'd gone from roaring laughter to sickened with worry about Harry in the span of a second, and now nothing was being helped by the tense set up of another bout of Snape insults directed at Harry.

He trudged miserably down to the dungeons that night, and was very grateful for the distraction of spotting Cho. She'd been standing there watching the hour-glasses, Gryffindor's was nearly empty.

All five of them made a small little noise of agitation, even at something so small still so pestering as that blasted made up group of Malfoy's.

He asked how she was doing, if Umbridge had given her any grief for her membership of the DA.

Cho said no, but took the opportunity to say she'd never dreamed Marietta would tell on them.

Harry reflected back that Marietta was still in the hospital wing with her pimples and couldn't come up with a response for Cho for that.

All of them felt a vindictive laugh somewhere inside themselves for that, Hermione really was something special.

Cho kept going she was a lovely person, she'd just made a mistake.

James blinked in surprise, and just a little admiration for Cho still standing by her friend like that. He of course wanted to add a few more curses to Marietta for what she'd done to Harry, but Cho had just earned herself a few points.

Harry looked at her incredulously, demanding a mistake? She'd sold all of them out!

"I still wish I had some sort of motive for her doing that," Remus scowled.

"Not one good enough to excuse it," Sirius scoffed.

James and Lily frowned slightly, knowing they more than likely would have defended their friends if they'd done the same thing, but then again, they just couldn't imagine their friends doing this. Cho probably hadn't either, and it really was good of her still sticking with her through that.

Cho insisted everyone had gotten away.

"Thanks to Dumbledore," Remus shook his head slowly, he still wasn't quite sure how to wrap his mind around all of that.

Her mum works for the Ministry,

"I haven't forgotten," Sirius said in disgust with a slight shiver. Miss Edgecombe had nearly been the death of him, he wasn't likely to forget that.

Harry cut off to say so did his friends dad, and he didn't have sneak written across his face.

Cho snapped that was a terrible trick of Hermione's.

"Nah," James smirked, honestly considering this Hermione's best move yet, even trumping what she'd done to Skeeter.

She should have told she'd jinxed that paper.

"Well if she'd done that than hardly anyone would have signed it." Lily rolled her eyes.

"She could have told them all after the fact," Remus offered with a grin.

"Nah, this was much more fun, the person couldn't consider their consequences before they made the crappy decision," Sirius decided.

Cho scoffed that of course if Hermione had thought it a good idea, her eyes now bright.

Harry snapped at her not to start crying again.

"Harry, you do know that does not actually prevent anyone from crying?" Sirius asked him in concern.

Harry just huffed, he really hadn't been expecting this fight with Cho, but somehow was relieved for it to finally have happened all the same. However pretty she still was in his memories, her flat refusal to acknowledge the stupid thing her friend had done had finally driven out any feelings he had for her.

She shouted back she wasn't going to!

Harry said just as loudly good, he had enough to cope with.

She told him to go cope with it then before storming off.

"Well, I think that's done with," James gazed at the book with some pity for Harry's first crush having so many disasters back to back.

"The wrong sparks did fly," Remus agreed with a sad little smile.

Harry just clucked his tongue, still not as angry now as he was then, far more concerned with other things in his mind he couldn't reach, and that cemented it for the lot of them. Harry clearly didn't seem to care all that much for his relationship with Cho just evaporating.

Harry went off in an even worse temper, but now instead of dreading Snape, he was thinking of a few more things he'd have liked to have said to Cho.

"You're one of those who always comes up with the comebacks after the fact," James told Harry pleasantly.

"I premake up most of mine and wait for the situation," Sirius smirked.

"Suppose that leaves more room for you to follow the conversation," Lily snipped at him.

He arrived with Snape once again depositing memories into a Pensive.

"Just what does he keep in that?" Remus rolled his eyes.

Harry twitched hard in unease, he had a bad feeling he was about to find out, but it mostly went unnoticed as they all thought he was just preparing himself for another lash of Occlumency.

They began as usual, squaring off with wands out on either side of the desk, but before Snape could cast this time, the door banged open and Malfoy sped in.

"I'm surprised that hasn't happened before now," James rolled his eyes, "him barging in there to tattle on some first year Slytherin taking his favorite chair."

"What a sight to walk in on though," Remus raised a curious brow, he'd certainly pause at this with some concern.

He paused in shock upon the sight though, Snape lowering his wand first and asking what Draco needed.

Remus rolled his eyes, finding Snape referring to Malfoy by his first name really showed the depths to the two's relationship. The teachers should always refer to the student by last name out of sheer habit. He found this proof that Snape had a more familiar relationship with Malfoy, as if he'd needed it before now.

Potter was just here for remedial Potions.

"With their wands pointed at each other," Sirius emphasized. "If that wasn't a dumb enough excuse before, it gets worse every time."

Harry had not seen Malfoy look so gleeful since Umbridge had turned up to inspect Hagrid.

"And I know how much you long to see that expression," Lily scowled.

He would have given a great deal to be able to shout the truth at Malfoy,

"Why?" All four of them demanded of him.

"To make that stupid look disappear," Harry told them like he thought they were being very stupid on purpose.

or, even better, to hit him with a good curse.

"That's the response I was expecting," James nodded, feeling the world back on balance.

Malfoy put whatever he had to say about this on hold as he informed that Umbridge had requested his Professor,

"She's already tried to poison one student this week, I don't see how he could help with that," Sirius rolled his eyes.

Lily wanted to be more furious that Snape was in Umbridge's good graces like this, but then again, it was all the more sad she wasn't surprised considering how much the two seemed so alike.

They'd found Montague,

Sirius spluttered like he had a broken jaw.

"They did that how long ago?" Remus interpreted. "I think that's a new record."

"Ours only lasted a day, tops," James pouted.

"What even is that thing?" Harry demanded, quite sure his level of unease with this thing had nothing to do with the Slytherin Quidditch captains fait.

"You shove people in it, and they vanish," Sirius came back enough to helpfully explain.

Remus rolled his eyes at his inept friend and more properly said, "I'm sure you remember as vividly as we do that Nick broke one above Filch's office in your second year."

Harry nodded eagerly, he was still wondering what about that felt so significant. "Well there's matching pairs, always are. The one on the first floor the twins used is probably the still functioning one, but without the other to go through, it'll just leave you in limbo until it finds an opening to pop you out, but the magic is very vague about it all, and we have no clue what it's indications were when this would happen."

"It was pure need to understand such magic that we kept testing it," James offered with an impish smirk.

Remus' mouth was twitching in much the same way as he watched Harry curiously to see if he'd gotten it.

Harry wanted to smile back, but his mind felt torn in two. He still wanted to ask more about these things, but something about the Marauders and that look on their face...it was all fun now, but he had a feeling it bothered him for some reason soon.

He tried tentatively to understand all of this by asking slowly, "so, when you lot, err-"

"Put someone in cause they annoyed us," Sirius offered helpfully.

"Right," Harry paused to roll his eyes, "it just pushed the person out the other one?"

"We had to disable it for our needs to work," James's eyes widened innocently. "It was no fun if they just reappeared."

"We put it back together when we were done though," Remus still couldn't wipe a smirk away. "Couldn't have the teachers knowing we were messing with it."

"Never as badly as what Nick did though," Sirius was still laughing heavily, "so Merlin knows if they even are fixable now."

"Let me get this straight," Lily said dangerously. "You shoved people into a magical item, you had no clue what it would do to them, and then you continued to further break it apart to see what else would happen to them?"

"It happened to me first," Remus offered in defense of them. "Some Hufflepuff James had gotten last week shoved me into one for revenge, I made a reappearance a day later."

"It sort of just spiraled out from there," Sirius agreed.

Lily had spent the entire conversation frowning heavily at the lot of them, she'd never enjoyed hearing about their blatant ways of dealing with people that annoyed them. It was nice to see Harry wasn't exactly amused by this, but he was also clearly distracted by something so she wasn't sure how much he'd been paying attention past their actual words.

Absolutely none of Harry's thoughts had been helped by them, now not only was he positive something of these things should not be laughed at, but his lesson with Snape was feeling more foreboding than ever. He still nodded at Remus to indicate he was done for now.

he'd turned up jammed inside a toilet on the fourth floor.

James and Sirius roared with laughter, Remus trying hard to hide his own amusement behind the book and failing a bit.

Snape demanded how he'd wound up there, and Malfoy said he had no clue.

Snape dismissed Potter, saying he was to come back tomorrow to continue. Malfoy only paused long enough to mouth remedial potions at him before following.

"That's going to bite him in the arse later," Lily tisked loudly, though it hardly did anything to dampen the boys new found amusement. They'd gotten to hear the end results of yet another prank from the twins and had Snape's stupid lesson pushed off for a moment longer, they were now jovial, and hoped their mood would help Harry out of whatever funk his mind was clearly still stuck in.

Seething, Harry replaced his wand inside his robes and made to leave the room. At least he had twenty-four more hours in which to practice;

"There's the bright side," Lily persisted in pointing out, though clearly being ignored by all.

but all he really felt was the expense Malfoy was going to put into telling the school of his remedial Potions.

"I'm surprised Smith hadn't done that already," Sirius rolled his eyes.

He was at the door when he saw it, dappled lights dancing off the glass jars, that reminded him of his dream in the Department of Mysteries.

All five of them shivered heavily at the reminder, Harry looked ready to fall off the couch every time this was mentioned.

He turned around and saw it was only the Pensive still shining brightly, and wondered again what was in his memories?

"So quickly run from the room, otherwise you might see him again when you've so graciously been deprived of that," James said enthusiastically, he really hadn't a care for what could be in there.

Harry gazed at the Pensive, curiosity welling inside him, what was it that Snape was so keen to hide from Harry?

"Oh Harry," Lily sighed in exhaustion, wanting to press her face into her hands already as she felt where this was going. "Did you learn nothing from your lesson in Dumbledore's Pensive?"

Harry did not answer, though considering the feelings pumping through him, he was confident he hadn't thought that far ahead.

Harry took a step forward, his mind convincing him this must have something to do with the Department of Mysteries.

"I wouldn't honestly be that surprised," Remus agreed, "but you've no idea how to work that thing, so you'll just be plunged into the last thing he was thinking of when he put memories in there."

"Though that may honestly be it," Sirius said with a calmer tone creeping in Remus instantly regretted. "He wasn't hiding away private memories from his childhood, those were still in his head when Harry went in. Maybe it is Order business he's more worried about. If Harry wants to find out about them, this is the place I'd look."

"You're encouraging this," Lily yelped furiously. "Show some privacy!"

"He's not showing Harry any," James rolled his eyes, instantly tagging along to Sirius' side. Though he did raise his hands in surrender upon Lily's flashing eyes. "I wish he wouldn't, he has no way to get himself out of the memory, only Snape can do that, but I'm sick of him never being told anything and I know you are too."

Lily scowled heavily at the both of them as she didn't find that the point.

He tried to guess how long Snape would be gone, surely as the Slytherin Quidditch Captain, even after Montague was unstuck from the toilet, he'd be escorted to the hospital wing.

"The time frame is irrelevant," Remus scolded. "You weren't the one to put those memories in, so you can't pull yourself out until you've seen them all. Could be days worth of storage in there."

Harry wished he'd known that, but again, he now knew he hadn't thought that far ahead, and he had a bad feeling he'd soon regret it.

He stepped even farther forward, using his wand to tap the surface, and the image instantly turned so that Harry was now looking down into the Great Hall.

"Not at all what I was hoping for," Sirius sighed, he'd honestly been hoping for Dumbledore's office, or even Grimmauld places basement, something he'd been hoping for in relevance to whatever Snape was up to. An image of Voldemort, Snape talking to some member of the Order, anything other than what the man had for breakfast. There was no way something interesting to them happened in there, he'd probably just been admiring Umbridge's technique of making children cry.

He hesitated, but suddenly his anger seized him, of Snape, Cho, and Malfoy. He took a great breath, and plunged face first in.

"There you have it," Remus sighed without surprise. "Harry's a dead man."

"So he is some new kind of ghost," Sirius chuckled while prodding at Harry. "Fascinating, can I name him?"

"No," all four of them said at once.

The sensation of falling through black, spinning through nothing- and then he was standing in the great hall, except instead of the House tables, there were desks all over, quills scratching against parchment, it was clearly exam time.

"Huh?" James looked floored at this start, why would something of Snape's school years be so precious to hide away? He couldn't imagine doing the same.

"I know exams are close so they'd be on his mind, but this is ridiculous," Sirius rolled his eyes and yawned already out of sheer boredom.

Remus kept going blandly, and some disappointment. Harry was going to be in the worst amount of trouble yet, and apparently he wasn't even going to get to see anything good out of it.

He began looking around in the sunlight room for the man, this was his memory so he had to be here somewhere.

Though James did smirk a bit Harry may get a glimpse of him, he was sure his son would at least get a kick out of that.

When he did find him, it was a teenage version with a stringy, pallid look, like a plant in the dark.

Lily scoffed heavily and rolled her eyes, finding too much of his father's influence in that description. She'd always thought of him as a sickly pale, thin hair a silky black, admittedly too thin but still with a smile that drew her in to know what he was thinking. She supposed it was all in the eye of the beholder, as that was still how she'd describe him at fifteen. Picturing him now as the hateful man tormenting her son and his classmates, she may well have called him many of the same things Harry just had.

He read the parchment he was working on upside down, which said Defence Against the Dark Arts- Ordinary Wizarding Level.

"Uhoh," James hummed in concern, suddenly hurrying back to his Lily Flowers side, he hadn't expected it to be this exact OWL.

Lily felt a burning in the back of her eyes at once, this was her worst childhood memory. Far worse than anything Petunia had ever said to her as a child. Of all the things Snape would keep stored away, she could almost understand why he'd want to keep this one in particular away from Harry. Shame she would hope, for utterly humiliating her that day, though she was sure it was something far more related to his own status, just like always, considering the events having led up to that.

Harry watched his parents with wide eyed concern for this reaction, looking to the other two for some sort of explanation he could already feel he wasn't going to like, but they were avoiding his eye. This really had been just any other day to them, but for Lily, well this was still something she should have shared with Harry, what a way for the poor kid to find out.

Remus waited until Lily snapped at him to keep going before he could do this to her, though it hardly felt better with permission.

The call for five more minutes echoed around, and Harry saw Professor Flitwick up front, passing by a boy with untidy black hair, that stuck up in the back.

James sighed, not exactly thrilled he'd gotten his wish. He hadn't nearly paid Snape back in kind for what he'd called the love of his life that day, still, he hoped Harry at least enjoyed his attempts.

Harry moved so fast that had he been tangible, he would have sent desks flying as he moved to see his father at fifteen. It was like looking at himself with deliberate mistakes.

"That is a very good description for the pair," Remus muttered mostly to himself.

His eyes were hazel, his nose slightly longer and with no scar, but the thin face, and untidy black hair were all Harry's, they'd even be the same height.

"You weren't wearing your glasses," Harry noted, grinning wildly at finally having such a vivid memory of his dad at such a young age. He clung to that feeling as long as he could, there was definitely something off about this promising it wouldn't last.

"They're only reading glasses, I only use them for long periods, or something important," James shrugged. "The exams weren't long enough I bothered."

James yawned and looked right through Harry to grin at a boy a few seats back, and Harry felt another thrill upon spotting Sirius return the grin. He was leaning back in his seat, tilting it back on two legs and very aware of how good-looking he was.

Sirius snorted mirthlessly and gave James a very superior smirk, telling without a hint of remorse, "I knew I loved your kid. He only called you a thin, messy git. At least he acknowledges who the handsome one is."

James gave him a very heavy glare, even while fighting back a grin for his best friends endless teasing.

His dark hair was swept with an elegance James nor Harry could ever achieve, and he was completely ignoring a girl who was eyeing him as well.

Sirius' grin only widened, turning outright flippant, and Harry was quite sure he was going to be given an account of this girl and all sorts of details he never would have asked for, but Remus had not paused long enough to be of help, to Harry's relief.

Two seats away and another row back, Harry spotted Remus, looking peaky, and he wondered if a full moon was near.

"It was that Monday, actually," Remus mumbled.

Harry blinked in surprise. Not only did it wrench at him for Remus to know so explicitly when each was, meaning they must all stand out very clearly in his mind and that only emphasized how painful each must be, but even after a few days rest Remus was only just starting to look healthier. In the days leading up he'd grown quite pale and exhausted at all hours, he couldn't imagine having to study on top of all that.

Harry concluded that must also mean Wormtail was around here somewhere.

Remus flinched hard at the reminder, not even needing to glance up and see the others as well. Harry had never actually known him as more than the traitor, but it was still impossible for them to think back on nearly any memory from their time here without finding him as well. Now they were being force fed one! Snape's memory had just turned into the worst thing for all of them.

Sure enough Harry found the mousy-haired boy with a pointed nose biting at his nails as he scratched at his paper.

Sirius' features were twisted violently, he still felt that need pulsing through him at every small reminder of him to go and rip his head off. The forcible act of not being able to respond to this made him feel like he was on fire just sitting here instead. He'd learned his lesson, he'd just have to be patient...

He turned his attention back to James and saw he was doodling now, having already drawn a Snitch, and now working in detail on the letters L. E. He wondered what that stood for.

Lily fidgeted with a few strands of hair in unease while eyeing James, who wasn't even blushing at the reminder. The unease came from that very sharp hurt her son hadn't known her maiden name, or at least, hadn't put together what it would mean. Instead she sighed heavily and flippantly told him, "I suppose it's better than L. P."

James offered her a wide grin for the tone, wanting to hold her even closer than he was for her still taking shots at him rather than dwelling on this particular memory from her past.

Finally time was up, Flitwick summoned all of the exams to him, and James took to his feet and stuffed the paper and quill away into his bag,

"It literally just said Flitwick summoned all the papers to him," Harry scratched at his head in confusion.

"You mark your final answers on the exam," Sirius explained, "Prongs was still messing with his scratch paper."

"Couldn't students still know what to expect on the exam then?" Harry asked in surprise.

"Nope, the exam changes every year," Remus sighed.

which he slung over his back, and stood waiting for Sirius to join him.

"I always had to walk over to his arse," Sirius said with an exaggerated eye roll. "If I wasn't the one to meet him, he'd pop me on the head for making him walk."

"Hark, look who's getting memory problems of his own," James tisked. "If I walked up to you, you'd groan about me making you wait around, at least if I waited long enough you'd get bored and come to me."

"They are actually arguing about who walked over to whom the most," Remus informed the other two like they'd miss this.

"I'm aware," Lily shook her head in exasperation, "I'm waiting for you to cut them off already."

Remus hadn't just because he enjoyed watching them pick at each other so much, especially with memory of the one who was missing hovering right there in front of them, but he supposed he couldn't ignore it forever and instead kept going in hopes Harry would blot him from sight.

Harry spotted Snape leaving the Entrance Hall, oblivious to his surroundings and still studying his own paper, even his walk reminded him of a twitchy spider.

James snorted enthusiastically Harry so easily caught onto one of their favorite jokes of referring to him as a bug in every way.

A gang of chattering girls separated Snape from James, Sirius and Lupin, and by planting himself in their midst,

Remus twitched again in agitation, though it was slightly less so than moments before. He supposed that being referred to by his last name was still better than not having been mentioned at all like the other one, though he still had to remind himself it was his own fault Harry hadn't a reason to call him anything else.

and by planting himself in the middle he was able to keep in sight those he wanted to see and still be in Snape's company.

By ignoring those around him, he could still hear Sirius happily asking Moony if he'd enjoyed question ten.

Lupin agreed he'd loved it, name the ten signs that mark a werewolf. One, he's sitting in this chair, two, he's wearing clothes, three, check the name at the heading.

Lily felt a surprised giggle crack out of her before she could stop it.

"Ha!" Sirius barked in triumph. "See Prongs, told you you should have let Moony try some humor around her, she clearly doesn't partake to yours."

"And have the love of my life swoon over his brilliance," James insisted on looking mock affronted while he played along. "I'd rather kill them both."

"It's a wonder I didn't fall into your arms sooner," she told him drolly.

Wormtail was the only one who didn't laugh, instead groaning that he'd only gotten three, but he couldn't remember the last two.

James was aghast, considering he ran around with one once a month.

All five of them were turning an ugly gray color for having to see this, to relive it and be forced to once again come to terms with how close they all were, saying anything and everything to each other as they'd always done, when did that change for him?

Lupin implored him to keep his voice down as they headed outside to the lake, and Harry was worried that if Snape broke off, he'd have no choice but to follow.

"True," James tried in vain to keep the strain from his voice, failing miserably. "You'd be dragged along." His voice cracked at the end, he couldn't pretend to keep going, and was starting to more than pity Remus at having to be forced to read all this.

Clearly Harry was as well, whispering, "did you want me to-"

"No," he snapped without looking up. "May as well get on with it, not like he's actually doing anything." Except ruining more memories from his past, his biting innards were now constantly reminding, but they were all feeling the same way, it would help nothing for Harry to do this instead.

Sirius kept things going by stating that had been a piece of cake to him, he'd gotten at least an Outstanding.

"And did you?" Harry couldn't help but ask, infusing as much mirth into his voice as was possible.

Sirius watched Harry for a long moment with a set look in place that was all the answer he needed before he finally admitted, "no, got an E."

"We did though," James tipped his head towards Remus with a purposeful grin that didn't completely hide the hard set in his eyes. "Gave him hell for it."

"He probably missed one too many questions about harpies, getting them confused with himself and all," Remus told solemnly, at least this was one thing that rat could never take away, and they'd always find more ways to pick at each other.

"At least I got an O on my Transfiguration that someone got an A on." Sirius returned flatly, but there was finally a real grin coming back as well.

"You cheated," Remus insisted. "The lot," very heavy wince, "both of you," he quickly corrected. "Bloody extra practice and all, too many years ahead."

"You're just jealous you got O's in two classes to my three," Sirius insisted.

"Padfoot the only thing I'm jealous at you about is your never ending idiocy. How do you continue to make a fool of yourself?" Remus pleasantly returned.

James had only just opened his mouth to butt in as well when Lily cut in above them all with a relieved smile on her face. "Honestly, the lot of you, you're still arguing about this how many years later? You're all idiots, no matter what those grades said."

"There's my wife, keeping us all in perspective with her- how many OWLs did you get?" He suddenly broke off by asking her, she'd never answered him in school and it hadn't come up in recent times.

"I'm not telling," she insisted with a grin, "because it is pointless now." She honestly admired all of them, for still finding ways to make each other laugh with the rat being so vividly present now more than ever, but they couldn't ignore this forever. Remus paused and had to swallow hard before going back, when all he really wanted to do was snap this shut, he didn't want to reminisce about what came next any more than the couple.

James agreed himself as well as he pulled out a Snitch, almost casually letting it go before seizing it again with excellent reflexes.

James managed quite a pleased smile he'd impressed his son with his fun.

Wormtail watched him in awe.

Which vanished instantly, his face flushing red, though he was still so pale he looked more pink and still likely to start screaming if he had to keep remembering how much he'd enjoyed his friend indulging his every whim.

Much to Harry's relief, Snape folded himself into a nearby bush, while the group of four took up shade near a beach tree. By staying with the group of girls who were in the middle and now dipping bare feet into water, he could still be in between both.

Lily was brushing at her hair with vigor now, her nails catching on a few strands. This memory had replayed so many times so vividly in her head she didn't need Harry's descriptions, and vainly hoped that for once, this time would be different, that her son wouldn't even recognize her because nothing special had happened that day...

Lupin had pulled out a book and was reading.

"Don't even start Sirius," Remus told him without looking up. "It's my misfortune of the universe repeating these circumstances."

"But it's hilarious," Sirius insisted like Moony was missing on the joke of a lifetime.

"No, it's not," Remus rolled his eyes behind the pages and kept going loudly.

Sirius stared around at the students milling over the grass, looking rather haughty and bored, but very handsomely so.

Sirius flipped his hair over his shoulder and preened, Harry fighting the urge more every moment to tell his godfather to cool it. Normally his bravado was endearing, and hilarious, though that part was probably unintentional. He couldn't even really find anything wrong with this scene that should bother him, aside from Wormtail they seemed to be acting casually enough, why was the idea of being in here weighing so heavily on him he wanted to snap at all of them?

James was still playing with the Snitch, letting it zoom further and further away, almost escaping but always grabbed at the last second.

Harry remembered his mum and dad mentioning that earlier, and now realized why he would have seen this. He supposed he could see his mums point in him showing off a bit, but it's not as if he had an audience watching like the twins so often did, he was just entertaining himself.

Wormtail was watching with an open mouth, often cheering and applauding at the more wild catches. After nearly five minutes of this, Harry wondered why James didn't tell him to get a grip.

Underneath the visage from being so bluntly reminded of his many fond memories of this, some shock creeped through, as that had never even occurred to him. Why would it? He'd loved impressing everyone, especially his own friends. Tainted as it was now, he was left questioning all of this for the first time. Was Peter faking it? Was he actually envious? He still hadn't gotten his answer of why someone he cared so much for would do to him in their future.

James was clearly enjoying the attention though, occasionally ruffling his hair,

Harry had noticed his dad doing that quite a lot, and he almost smiled just a bit that no matter the torment his friend's reminder did to him, at least some parts of him had stayed the same.

and glancing to the girls at the water's edge as if hoping they were watching.

Finally though, Sirius seemed to grow bored of this and told James to put that up.

James did, and Harry had the distinct feeling Sirius was the only one he'd do this for.

"This is true," Remus tisked loudly over his own beating heart pounding through his head, despising the reminder of this hurting them all so much, and Harry may not even understand why yet. It was clear from his expression something of this day was bothering them all, but while he could wrap his head around it was the not so simple thing of vividly remembering Wormtail back in their lives so casually for the Marauders, he was yet sure what had his mother so near to tears.

He forced himself to keep going loudly with his first train of thought, even in the awkward silence. "Whenever I tried, he just told me to shut up, because he was doing it for me."

"Honestly, the only reason I told him to stop was because I was fixing to suggest we go take a swim in the lake, otherwise I would have joined him," Sirius shrugged, ignoring how forced the casual movement was.

Sirius instead said he was bored, wishing it was a full moon.

Lupin said from behind his book he would, but if he really wanted something to do, he could quiz him on some Transfiguration, even offering it out to him.

"Did you actually think that would work?" Lily arched a brow at him.

"I didn't want to go swimming, as I knew full well he was fixing to say," Remus shrugged. "I was delaying for a moment so I could claim to go back inside and work in peace."

Sirius simply snorted, saying he didn't need to look at that, he knew it all.

"That is also true," Remus muttered with an eye roll Harry must have missed at the time.

James got his attention by finding something else to liven up Padfoot, and Sirius turned like a dog that had scented a rabbit.

"Your descriptions are as accurate as ever," James told Harry with a straight face, but Sirius merely winced instead of the laugh he really felt. The two weren't exactly proud they'd started this fight between Evans and Snivellus. Sirius watched Lily tentatively, a need to defend himself this was common place, he hadn't known he'd resort to calling her that when this exact set up had happened countless times in their past already without such a thing happening, but the words died before they could start. An apology would probably just make her angrier, but now at him.

He softly said in excitement Snivellus, and Harry looked to where Snape was standing back up, James and Sirius now with him.

Lily groaned miserably as she kept eyes on her infant. James and Sirius exchanged a look, but as one decided to risk it and said, "sorry Lily."

"Don't bother," she snapped, clearly Sirius' prediction had been right. "You don't mean it."

"I am sorry," James insisted. "I never would have thought he'd-"

"You're sorry for what he did," Lily corrected harshly, "not for what you did, so save it."

James closed his mouth without bothering to agree, and Harry's bad feeling was growing worse than ever. This wasn't really...

Lupin and Wormtail remained where they were, Lupin keeping eyes on his book though his eyes were not following words. Wormtail was watching with a look of anticipation.

Remus' face folded as he easily recalled that look. He'd used to love seeing all the spells they learned in class in action on others. He hated how much it hurt to remember even the tiniest details about him. Thankfully Sirius and James were now plenty distracted by Lily they seemed more apt to ignoring this, but since Remus had kept himself out of this one, it was a bit harder for him to continue ignoring the rats every motion.

James repeated the nickname loudly after him, and Snape reacted so fast it was as if he'd been expecting the attack.

"He was, considering-" Sirius began with a sneer, now itching for a rematch just to let off some pent up frustration all of this was dragging up, which he sadly wasn't going to find in here. He only stopped as Lily glared at him with an old familiar look he hadn't seen in awhile, and that wasn't helping to clear his mind of this.

He dropped his bag and went for his wand, but before it had even cleared his pocket, James had shot Expelliarmus at him.

Snape's wand shot twelve feet away, Sirius letting out a bark of laughter before shouting Impedimenta, and Snape fell to the ground still feet away from his wand.

All three of them were so distracted, tense and waiting for a blow they never would have wished upon Lily, they all missed the look growing on Harry's face at recalling this scene.

The students around looked up curiously, some even eagerly as James and Sirius sauntered forward.

James began taunting how his exam had gone?

Sirius answered for him he'd seen his nose pressed to the parchment, it would be so grease marked no one could even read the answers.

Several people laughed, Snape was clearly unpopular.

"Least you've gathered the important details already," Sirius told Harry absently, glancing at him for a moment rather than watching Lily, and blinking in surprise Harry hadn't laughed along like he always had when they'd taken shots at Snape in here. Sirius wasn't actually sure what that face was, but he now frowned more heavily than ever for what Harry was thinking without sharing.

Wormtail sniggered shrilly.

Remus made a guttural noise of agitation, wishing Harry would quit noting such things already. They were all well aware if it wasn't Sirius and James starting the fight it was him egging them all on, but Harry reminding them of that only made this all far worse than they would have thought.

The boy on the ground snapped at them to just wait until he got his wand ba-, but Sirius didn't give him a chance, finishing for him to wait for what, him to wipe his nose?

Snape began saying curses and hexes intermittently, but still nothing happened from his wand still ten feet away.

James decided he didn't like his language and used Scourgify on him, causing bubbles to come out of Snape's mouth.

A new voice shouted to leave him alone!

"That actually took two curses longer than usual," James insisted on pushing for a casual tone of voice when addressing Lily. "Exactly how long had you been on the fence about him before this happened?"

Lily pursed her lips, not particularly wanting to answer him, and then she glanced at Harry and saw the look on his face. The expression surprised her, but she supposed he'd put together what this day was for her, but if he clearly had no care for the answer than she wouldn't indulge James' curiosity on this.

When her silence persisted, Remus kept going anyways. James had been well aware, as often as he'd mentioned it, that Lily had been seen out of company of Snape more often than not their last few months of fifth year, so he didn't know what his mate was trying to accomplish by asking such things, but he would try to save him from the answer anyways.

James and Sirius looked around at a girl with dark red hair and green eyes, Harry's mother.

James eagerly at once called out to Evans, making his voice go deeper, more mature.

Remus made some attempt at a laugh, speaking absently, "more idiotic than anything," but he didn't even pause for James to defend himself even if he would have.

Lily repeated for them to leave him alone, looking at James with great dislike.

Sirius was looking for it now, and watched another line cross Harry's face, his eyes growing as tight as his mothers for all of this coming back to him. Sirius wanted to reassure him that as bad as it was for Lily to be remembering all of this, that part was the common place, but he didn't want to interrupt right now in hopes Remus was almost done already, or even better, the actual Snape would show up and stop this. Quite an odd want, but it was killing him to watch this eat away at Lily, and he'd never have wanted Harry to see this in person, it was bad enough being told what the creep had once done to his mother.

She demanded what Snape had done to him?

"This time, you really should have emphasized that point," James told her, though she continued ignoring him in hopes he'd take the hint this wasn't helping. She pulled out of his arms and laid against the armrest instead, the baby still cradled tight in her arms her only comfort right now.

James looked hurt, he'd only been trying to help, but for now he crossed his arms and gave her her space.

James pretended to deliberate before deciding it was more the fact he existed.

James still found that to be true, that Snape had grown up knowing Lily and never seemed to value that enough but instead spent far more time in the company of pre Death Eaters, that his mere existence felt like a blocker to what James wanted more than anything, to be close to her, but there was always that sniveling used napkin in the way that Lily kept defending.

Harry made some kind of noise, but James was too distracted watching Lily to process it. He supposed Harry would have been plenty confused about all this in his time though.

Many of the surrounding students laughed, Sirius and Wormtail included, but Lupin, still apparently intent on his book, didn't, and nor did Lily.

Remus glanced up curiously, he'd felt Harry turn sharply to him and watched for a moment in confusion as Harry scrutinized him, but was he really looking at him like that because he hadn't laughed at the joke? Harry didn't offer anything though, and Remus went back to reading feeling as heavy as ever this couldn't just be done with. He almost would have preferred Harry to interrupt, it probably would have been a better distraction than forcing out this mess.

She coldly informed him he was a bullying toe rag, and to leave him alone.

James said he would if she'd go out with him.

"Bad timing there mate," Sirius helpfully inserted what he'd been thinking at the time.

"Thank you for not sharing that at the time," James rolled his eyes, "wish you'd carried that on."

Lily said she wouldn't even if it was just between him and the giant squid.

"Would you look it there, I beat out that sea creature after all," James seemed to almost pleasantly inform her, and he saw almost a twitching smile come back to her.

Sirius commiserated to Prongs this was bad luck before shouting in surprise, but too late.

Snape had been fighting off the curse this whole time, and had finally reached his wand, shooting a spell at James that cut across his cheek and splattered his robes with blood.

James whirled on the spot, there was a flash of light, and then Snape was hanging upside down showing off gray underpants.

Lily, whose furious expression twitched into a smile for just a moment,

"Really? I didn't see that," James blinked in surprise, he hadn't thought he'd gotten a real smile out of Lily for at least another year. How many other times had he made her smile without getting the pleasure of seeing? More importantly, how long had Snape been acting an arse to her before this happened for her to be doing it so openly now?

No one answered, especially not Harry, who was still processing all this so slowly he felt like his head had filled with molasses. All he was sure of, was that he didn't feel like laughing along right now like his dad was clearly hoping someone was.

but instead shouted at Potter to let him down.

James did so with a careless wave of his wand, but the moment he was back in the grass, Sirius shot Petrificus Totalus at him, and Snape fell back to the ground stiff as a bored.

"Payback complete, now where's a broomshed," Sirius muttered for himself.

Lily shrieked at them to leave him alone, drawing her own wand. The two looked at it warily.

"The first proper response of their day," Remus agreed absently.

James told Evans not to make him hex her.

"That would be a duel to see," Sirius hummed, though thankfully it had never gone that far, and at least now it never would. Lily mostly just shouted at them, and that was more than enough to stop Prongs, which in turn was just enough to stop the rest of them.

She snapped for the curse to be lifted then, and James did so with a deep sigh first before telling Snivellus he was lucky Evans was here-

Remus wanted to stop. He dreaded the next words to come pouring out of his mouth, because usually, the fight stopped there. Lily came forward and her and Snape walked off. This time though, he had to take a very deep breath before finishing.

Snape shouted back he didn't need help from a Mudblood!

Remus frowned hatefully, never in his life having wanted to say that word, and detesting he truly just had in regards to one of his friends.

Harry gasped, as it finally snapped together for him. She'd told him she'd stopped being friends with Snape because he'd called her that in public one day, screamed it at her in the middle of a courtyard, were her exact words...but he hadn't realized it had been this exact day! He looked desperately to her, but she wouldn't look at him, wouldn't look at any of them.

James was aching to put his arms back around her, to promise she wasn't alone, but she didn't want his comfort right now. She didn't blame him for this anymore, as she had for the rest of that year. Things had changed over the summer, she'd changed when she finally realized her relationship with him was irreparable like this day had proven.

Lily blinked once, before telling Snivellus to wash out his mouth.

James roared at Snape to apologize, but Lily shouted just as loudly she didn't want to make him apologize, he was just as bad!

James looked truly offended, saying he'd never call her such a thing.

Lily snarled that didn't excuse his strutting around corridors, always cursing people who annoyed him. She made him sick!

Then she stormed off.

James tried calling after her, but when she didn't respond, he demanded of Sirius still next to him what was with her, his tone trying to say the answer was of no real importance, and failing.

James didn't bother to deny this, even as Sirius politely told him, "you failed at that every time by the way."

Sirius offered that reading between the lines, he'd guess she found him conceited.

"Exactly how big were those lines?" Remus asked of him.

Sirius made his eyes go big with confusion, and so Remus just rolled his own.

James looked more furious than ever as he turned back to Snivelly, asking of the watchers who wanted to see him take off his pants?

Harry never found out if James had.

"Nah," James huffed, "Hagrid showed up then. Though I might have if he really hadn't apologized, I was still wanting one even without her around," he said in no uncertain terms.

Far from looking reassured, Harry's expression only darkened, much to all of the boys confusion, and Lily was still keeping eyes only for her infant and wasn't watching any of them.

A hand closed around his arm like a vice, and glancing up, Harry saw the adult Snape.

"Uroh," Sirius hummed. This must be why Harry was looking so off, no one would be happy being caught doing this.

Harry was dragged back, feeling as if he did a flip before finding himself in the dungeons again, Snape still holding fast to his arm. It was scary, his lips were shaking, his face was white, his teeth were bared.

Lily did look up sharply at that, anger now the most dominant thing rather than the hurt of her youth. Yes Harry was in the wrong, but if he hurt her boy, Snape was going to wish she'd killed him that day instead of simply dropping him from her life.

Snape hissed what an amusing man his father had been, shaking Harry so hard his glasses slipped from his nose, before he was released, and shoved so hard he hit the stone floor.

James and Sirius snarled in outrage, all eyes flashing furiously for Harry being treated like this. All of them were trying to reach for their wand now, growing more worried by the second Snape was fixing to turn on Harry with worse than the curse that had left a scar on James that day.

Harry though could hardly react, this moment of seeing Snape trying to remind him of something he just couldn't concentrate on right now, still far too wrapped in an all to living realization.

The shout of get out, and never to come back echoed behind him as Harry got to his feet and ran, a glass of cockroaches exploding above his head on the way out. He didn't stop running until he was three floors ahead, slumping down into an empty plinth as he rubbed at his bruised arm.

All four of them made a noise of outrage Snape had really hurt him. He'd deserved a detention certainly, they wouldn't have even argued if Snape had done a number of things like emptying house points or weeks of detentions, but actually harming him was far past crossing the line. The oddest part was, Harry wasn't even rubbing at his arm now, for all the world his face showed he couldn't care less, and it was depressing the lot of them to see him go so silent with no idea why.

Harry didn't know where to go. He didn't want to go back to the tower and tell his friends, and it wasn't because Snape had thrown a jar at him.

"I thought you or him exploded that by accident, he actually threw that at you!" Sirius barked in outrage.

Harry had no reaction, he wouldn't look at any of them.

It was that he knew how it felt to be humiliated in the middle of a circle of onlookers, knew exactly how Snape had felt as his father had taunted him,

Remus' brows shot up in surprise as they were finally getting an idea of why Harry hadn't spoken a word during that whole exchange, and that's the part he'd focused on? He finished curiously,

and that judging from what he had just seen, his father had been every bit as arrogant as Snape had always told him.

and hadn't been expecting that.

HPHPHPHP

*Nicknames offered by Xovercrazy and MelodyGirl239 in that order

**I think I'm allowed some direct quotes from the books, and these are just too magnificent to pass up.

#Harry Potter #fanfiction #OotP #Snape's Worst Memory #reading the books #HP #Jilly #James Potter #Lily Potter #Remus Lupin #Sirius Black

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groovybaybee · 4 years ago

Text

Greener - I

cw: mentions of abuse (not this chapter and nothing too intense but better safe than sorry) also alcohol consumption

(6k)

Spago, 7pm, reservation under my name, have fun saucy xxx

Oh, Lucy. Lovely, wonderful, maddening Lucy. Not only would she select my date for the evening, she, of course, would make a decision about when and where.

In all honesty, I do not mind. I would gladly allow that girl to run my life, she pretty much has made all the big decisions for me anyway. Lucy had been the one who forced me to enter our school’s talent show and sing in public for the first time. I lost hard, unable to compete with Anthony Piaz’s flaming diabolo tricks, but I was grateful to her, nonetheless. Lucy was also the one who made me move out to Los Angeles with her, telling me we needed to be with the stars if we wanted to be like them. It might sound cheesy, but that girl can be very persuasive when she wants to be. Since we were teenagers, she told me all about how we were going to make it big, I would be a singer and she would produce all my music.

Lucy has always been a dreamer, but she is the most dedicated and ambitious person I know, plotting out every detail of every day to make sure she could get to where she wanted to be. Her and I had understood that we could not just rock up in America and instantly start working for record labels. We would spend hours in her room, writing and producing songs every weekend, sending them to local and national radio stations, record labels, anyone we could think of.

Then one day, the universe fell into place. Our song, Penny, started to gain some traction. I will never forget the day we heard our song played on the radio for the first time. I never could forget it with the video of the two of us screaming and crying and laughing and hugging being sent to my phone every time I get frustrated.

‘They never gave up, and neither will we’

Luce has always been good like that, putting things in perspective when I start spiralling out.

Truthfully, Lucy has always been a bit of a hero to me. The voice of reason, even when I did not want to hear it. I trust her with my life. So, when I was offered a contract with a record label, I had insisted that she aid in the production, knowing that once the world could see her talent there would be no stopping her. And there never has been. Though we still work together on projects and tracks wherever we can, both of us have been blessed with opportunities to work with some of our idols in the music industry. However, it still feels the most special when it is just her and me working together.

Knowing that she always has my best interests at heart, agreeing to be set up on a blind date by her was easy. It was only afterwards that the doubts had started to creep in. Of course, Lucy knows me well, probably better than anyone, and so her choice of date for me would undoubtedly be my type. I know that they will be charming and funny and most likely have a smile that makes me want to swat them directly in the face for being so cute. However, it would be impossible for her to know the other person so well, so me showing up may not be what they had hoped for.

They could want to meet someone girly, polished, calm. While I can be those things sometimes, pretending to be anyone but myself would only lead down an unfortunate and embarrassing path in the long run. This self-assuredness, in theory, is lovely, but does not stop the nagging feeling in my stomach that whoever I am meeting at the restaurant will not be pleased to see me.

Trying my best to shake this thought, I get ready for my date. Landing on a simple black dress (knowing my tendencies to spill anything in my grasp), partnering it with a silver chain necklace, a few matching rings, and some thickly heeled silver boots. I put on a touch of makeup, style my hair, and spritz myself with perfume before grabbing a coat, stuffing the pockets with my necessities, and getting in the Uber I had pre-emptively ordered. I am going to be early but that suits me just fine.

Arriving at the restaurant, nestled beside Rodeo Drive, I thank the driver and exit the car. Spago is far too fancy for me to feel fully comfortable, a small part of myself always believing that my life is some sort of coma dream and one day I would wake up back home, older and having done nothing with my life. Despite my instinct to run and feign illness, I enter the restaurant and tell the matre d’ Lucy’s name. He gives me a pleasant smile and leads me through the bustling restaurant to an empty table on the patio outside. Thanking him, I seat myself at the table beside a sheltered, freestanding fireplace, taking a second to appreciate the warmth of the toasting embers against the slight breeze of the evening under the dwindling sun.

Looking out to the chair across from me, panic and excitement swirl around in my stomach. Wondering what they will be like and whether we will get on has me desperately searching around the quiet outside space for anyone who works here to urge them for a glass of wine. I manage to locate someone, but the thought instantly leaves my mind when I notice a person trailing behind them. They head straight in my direction and my head snaps back to the table, trying not to have their first impression of me be my crazy wine-hungry eyes. I take a deep breath, and a second to remember Lucy’s message: ‘have fun’.

Turning to meet my date as they stop at our table, a smile slips across my lips without my telling it to. Yep, Lucy definitely knows me. The man in front of me is the epitome of tall, dark, and handsome, but with an added dash of unreservedness, dressed in a black dress shirt, the collar of which pokes out over a baby blue suit jacket, trousers matching. My eyes land on his hand, ringed fingers clutching a bouquet of yellow roses. I cannot deny it, the sight sends a little zip of happiness through my body. Travelling upwards, I land on his face. And pause.

If this is a very elaborate prank, I have to give it up to Lucy. This is incredible. I remember her telling me that she was working with him on a track for his second album, but I would not have thought they were close enough to discuss love lives. If so, surely she would have snapped him up for herself. The amount of conversations we had spent discussing our celebrity crushes and he always popped up on both of our lists. There is no way this is happening. This just proves that I am, in fact, comatose.

“Hi,” he speaks with a tentative smile.

On the off chance that I am not in a simulation, I stand up and greet him, still unable to form words as he presses a kiss to each of my cheeks.

“Lucy said you liked yellow,” he says almost sounding nervous, looking down at the bunch of flowers in his hand.

“I do,” I say softly, shaking my head to bring me back to reality while he is looking away from me. “They’re, uh, they’re beautiful.”

He hands me the flowers and my brain almost completely malfunctions, unable to comprehend that I am sat, on a date, with a man I have been fawning over from afar for over a year. Sure, I have always known of him, but something about him kicking off his solo career and dressing differently, acting differently, it was all just incredibly attractive. Something so sexy about his confidence. An opinion I had expressed to Lucy many times in varying degrees of enthusiasm, her use of the word ‘saucy’ in her text to me suddenly making a lot more sense.

“Thank you, really,” I say, looking up from the flowers to him, a full head taller than me. “Sorry, I’m being weird, Lucy just… is full of surprises,” I admit, meeting his gaze as he observes me cautiously. He must think I am crazy, or incredibly rude, most likely both.

“I’m Violet,” I quickly introduce myself and gesture for us to sit. He does, with a relieved smile which I mirror.

“Harry,” he says gently.

Duh.

Harry Styles. I am on a date with Harry Styles. The man I had admitted to wanting to let ‘break my heart and sex me back together’. Not one of my best lines, I will agree. And he is even better looking in person. His hair is kind of messy in a very put-together kind of way. His eyes are deep and their hold on me is strong. And his lips kink up at the edges, pulling joy out to his cheeks as he watches me, almost assessing me.

“Yeah, I’m actually a fan of your music,” I admit shyly, hoping that he finds it endearing rather than psychotic.

“Likewise. To be honest, I can’t believe I’m sat here with you,” he speaks deeply.

This has to be a prank. No way on Earth did Harry Styles, Harry Styles, just say that to me.

“I didn’t realise you and Lucy were so close,” I confess, allowing my confusion and curiosity to spill out of my mouth at lightning speed.

“Oh, yeah, first day we met it was like instant sibling rivalry, you know? Straight away bullying each other,” Harry explains with a low, breathy chuckle. God, even his laugh is sexy.

I will admit to being relieved to hear that their feelings for one another were strictly platonic, not wanting to step on Lucy’s toes even if she had been the one to set us up. Something about hearing this new information allows my most recent conversations with her to make a lot more sense, her being the one to let me explain in detail all the disgusting things I would let this man do to me while she just laughed. That sly devil.

“How long have you two known each other?” he asks, sipping at the glass of water on his side of the table.

“Oh, since we were kids, think our souls are melded at this point,” I tell him, earning a captivated smile that reaches up to his eyes. “Do you do this thing a lot?” I ask, fascinated as to how I ended up in this situation. When he looks at me blankly, I hurriedly add, “Blind dates?”

“Not really, only one other time and it was… interesting,” he says, eyes glazing over as his mind flashes back.

“Me neither,” I start, bringing his attention back to the present in hopes to prevent him from reliving whatever terrible memory I had just triggered, “I do have a very important question for you though,”

“What’s that?” he asks with a grin that matches the one creeping on to my face.

“Are you a wine person?” I ask, faking sincerity.

“Oh, yeah,” he nods, laughing at my intensity.

“Good, ten points to you,” I smirk as we both glance down at the drinks menus, after a moment of reflection I speak up, “Want to just get the cheapest? Don’t think my palette could tell the difference.”

Harry lets out a small laugh and agrees happily, ordering a bottle of chardonnay for the two of us when the waiter circles around to us. My mind begins to spiral as I watch Harry pour us each a glass, wondering how I ended up here, what I think of him, what he thinks of me. Brain almost about to short-circuit[AH1] , I cheers my glass with his and take a long sip of white wine, desperate for a touch of Dutch courage.

We sit in a comfortable silence for a few moments, eyes locked as we drink in our surroundings, allowing the madness of the evening to sink in for our brains to process. There is a gentle smirk on each of our faces, enjoying the mischief of our mutual friend.

“I really loved the album by the way,” I confess to him, only to be rewarded with a bright and grateful smile.

“Thank you,” he says softly, an excited buzz coming from him as he shifts in his seat to lean his elbows on the table, chin resting on his interlaced knuckles. “I listen to The Lady Grey Project at least once a week,” he admits, and if I look closely (which I do) I can see a light rosy flush appearing on his cheeks.

At this point I reckon a rhinoceros could stampede into the restaurant and I would not bat an eyelid. Of course, he listens to my album regularly, this is a dream, in all honesty I am just shocked he does not have a tattoo of my face on his body somewhere. I say a silent prayer that I will be allowed to remain in whatever simulation I am in.

“You’re too kind,” I smirk, having to use my wine glass to hide as much of my blushing face from him.

“Can I ask where the Lady Grey name came from?” he asks curious about my stage-name, watching intently as I swallow and place my glass down. “Sorry if I’m being too nosy by the way, tell me to fuck off if you want,” he says, causing a light laugh to tumble from my lips.

He watches me with a soft gaze that makes me want to melt into a puddle underneath the table. Does he like me? No, he is probably just being polite.

Calm down crazy.

“Um, well, Lucy and I used to spend days in her room making music, and all we would eat was Cadbury’s Fingers and all we drank was Lady Grey tea, it was kind of our fuel you know? And then it just kind of stuck, and we used to joke about who Lady Grey was and I don’t know, I sort of idolised the character we created,” I explain as best I can.

“So, you became her?” Harry asks softly, his smile never faltering once while I spoke.

“Yeah, Lady Grey and Lucy Hind were going to take on the world together,” I say, looking down at the tablecloth, a slight feeling of embarrassment for oversharing my childhood dreams. It probably seemed so silly to him.

“And you are,” is all he says.

When I look up at him, his eyes are so gentle and comforting, and staring into them feels like stepping into a warm bath.

The waiter arrives back to our table to take our orders, preventing me from drooling over how idyllic this date is becoming. Harry apologises for the two of us, neither having even looked at the food menu yet, and asks for another minute. Eventually, we order our food and the conversation continues to flow easily, finding out about each other’s passions for not only music, but art in general, both discovering that the other loves to draw and paint despite having very minimal talent for it.

We talk about what we are working on, both giddy at gaining secret information about the other’s new projects. He whispers to me that he has a new album coming out at the end of the year, in return I tell him I have a small tour happening in a few months, a few intimate venues across the country. He tells me he would love to come to a show. I mentally let out a scream.

We discuss our hometowns throughout the main course, both hailing from the north of England, giggling over the surprising culture shock of living in LA. Conversation moves to talking about our families and still feeling homesick.

“I’ve been writing about home a lot recently,” I admit, finishing my second glass of wine, “I miss the colour green so much,” I laugh honestly, missing the miles and miles of fields and trees I could see from my family home.

“I get that completely,” he says, refilling my glass without me even having to ask, “I miss my little village and knowing everyone there. LA can feel a bit lonely at times,”

There is a pregnant pause, silence falling over the two of us as I give him a small nod, understanding wholly the feeling of moving across the world. It is scary and isolating and you really have to push through and commit to your work to ensure it was all worthwhile. However, that does not leave much room for forging any kind of relationship other than professional. Harry is right, it can be very lonely sometimes.

I find myself watching him, eyes a little bit softened by the wine and the evening light. Seeing his face flicker under the crackling firelight feels like I am seeing him for the first time, as though his features are completely new to me and I get to meet a whole new person. He really is breath-taking. Something about getting to know him allows me to see his personality in his physicality; patient eyes and dimples that deepen every time I nearly knock over my glass and insist that I am not drunk, that this is just how I am. Finding myself smiling while I watch him, I remind myself to act like a normal human being and sip at my wine.

But he watches me right back.

When desert rolls around, both of us are too full to appreciate anything fancy, sadly deciding to call it a night. After insisting that we split the bill, threatening to get his bank account details somehow and send him a direct deposit, we leave the table.

“Man, I shouldn’t have worn this dress, looks like I’m smuggling a watermelon,” I say, rubbing my bloated belly slightly as we walk through the restaurant, now significantly emptier than when I had arrived nearly three hours earlier.

“I like it,” Harry tells me, biting back a smirk, “Wrote a song about watermelons, actually,”

“Really? You’ll have to let me hear it sometime,” I say, thanking him as he holds the door open for me to walk through.

“Do you, uh, do you need a lift home?” Harry asks once we are outside, wrapping our jackets a little tighter around ourselves in the early autumn air. I pause to look at him and assess the sincerity of his offer. When he looks at me with nothing but kindness and caution, I nod, finding his trepidation incredibly endearing.

“That would be great, thank you,” I say softly, failing to mention that I would say yes to any offer he made so long as it meant I could spend longer getting to know him.

“Cool!” he says with so much enthusiasm that I have to bite down on my bottom lip to keep from smiling too big, utterly smitten with him. Harry clears his throat and pulls out his phone, calling his driver to come and pick us up. “He’ll be five minutes,” his voice is back to its low rumble when he turns to me, a light flush spread across his cheekbones. I pretend not to notice, instead fixing my attention to the roses in my hand.

“I’ve had a really nice time,” I tell him, hoping that in showing some vulnerability it will ease his embarrassment. It works. As I look up at him, he meets my gaze and smiles down at me gently.

“Me too. I think you’re really cool to be around,” he says tenderly, taking a step closer to me so that he is less than an arm’s length away. “More than exceeded my expectations for tonight,” he teases.

“I think part of me still thinks this is a prank,” I admit, breathing a laugh as I find myself gravitating closer to Harry, silently praying that he will kiss me.

“I know, I was listening to Penny on the way here to keep me sane,” his voice has dropped to just above a whisper, his face less than a foot from mine.

“As if,” I laugh incredulously, finding myself stepping back slightly so I do not deafen him.

“I was!” he defends with a chuckle, “I love that song,”

“Sorry,” I breathe, “I just didn’t think anyone really listened to it, except maybe my parents,”

“It was the first song of yours I ever heard,” he says, closing the gap between us again, “Thought how talented you were, even wanted to cover it.”

Back into the simulation you go.

“Wanna make sweet music together?” I tease, my voice a little low and breathy as the space between us rapidly reduces.

Harry exhales a chuckle, eyes flitting between my own and my lips.

He is fully going to kiss you.

Or at least he would, if that had not been the moment Harry’s driver decides to pull up to the curb, startling us both. Gaze fixed to the ground to hide my certainly bright pink cheeks, I shuffle into the car when Harry opens the door for me, sliding in shortly afterwards.

“Where to?” Harry asks, clearing his throat slightly.

I tell him my address, watching as he and his driver share a small nod before we set off.

The first few minutes of the ride are, I will admit, awkward. The only sound to be heard is the crinkling of the paper surrounding my flowers, my hands fidgeting nervously.

He was going to kiss me. He totally would have kissed me if we were alone for just one more moment.

An assertive person would kiss him now.

Would he want that? Would I want that? For our first kiss to be in the back of his car as we drove through my neighbourhood. I’m not so sure. Harry feels special, like he deserves a bit more romance than that.

I continue to fiddle with the paper in my lap.

“What’s your favourite flower?” I ask curiously, eyes fixating on the bright yellow petals.

“Quite like apple blossoms,” he tells me. His voice is soft, and I can tell his head is turned to look directly at me.

“See, I never would have guessed that.” I confess. Upon hearing him breathe a laugh, I follow it up with a mirrored tone, “What? You’re a mysterious dude.”

“Very mysterious,” he jokes as I look back up at him. There is a warmth in his eyes as they shimmer with laughter. It is almost as though the small amount of time focussing on something other than him has erased all memory of his face. Suddenly, excitement courses through my body. His stupid, happy face making my stomach squeeze itself.

“A real enigma,” I smirk after gathering myself.

There is silence again in the car, our eyes softly locked on the other’s, even as we pull up beside my house.

“This is me,” my voice is barely louder than a whisper.

“I’ll walk you,” Harry says, our gaze still unmoved.

For a moment, my mind drifts to Harry’s driver. I wonder what he makes of us sitting in the back of his car despite reaching our destination. Perhaps he thinks it is sweet, two kids still so nervous enough around one another that we both refuse to make a move. Maybe he thinks we are crazy and should just get out of the car like normal people would.

I nod my head slightly, more so trying to encourage myself to get moving rather than Harry. In all honesty, I would love little more than to just sit here and look at him, to feel whatever tension there is between us for a moment longer. But I steal myself away from that thought and open the car door.

Harry, ever the gentleman, sees me to my front door. It is a little old-fashioned but incredibly charming, nonetheless. I turn to face him once we reach the doorstep, craning my neck a little to meet his eyes.

My gaze lingers a moment on his lips, and I wonder if I should kiss him. Or would he not like that? He seems like he would not be opposed to a woman making the first move, but he is also the type to open doors and walk people to their homes. What if he wants to be the one to initiate? I doubt he would find me kissing him to be emasculating, but what if he recoiled at the thought? Maybe I shouldn’t kiss him. Maybe I should invite him inside. I will admit, the idea of ending the night with him sounds idyllic, but what if that gives the wrong impression. What if he is the type of guy who cares about a woman’s sexual habits? I never would have him pegged for that sort of person, but you never know.

Nerves and paranoia form a whirlpool in my brain, sucking me in until I am so overwhelmed that all I can physically do is stare at him, trying not to allow my eyes to widen too far in fear of looking like a maniac.

He looks down at me with a gentle gaze, his right hand lifting and fingertips gently grazing the side of my left hand. His thumb brushes across my wrists, his eyes flitting across my face until I am convinced that he has stopped on my lips. The palpable energy from outside the restaurant returns.

“Can I—” Harry starts but I interrupt him.

“Yes,” I say hurriedly, my heart beating a little louder in my chest at the thought of his lips against mine.

Thank goodness he’s making the first move. If it were up to you, you would be standing here for days.

“Great,” he smiles broadly, quickly retracting his hand from mine and reaching into the inside pocket of his suit jacket, “Lets make music sometime.”

Harry hands me his unlocked phone.

You absolute fucking idiot, V.

I quickly input my phone number and hand it back to him with a small smile.

“Great,” he grins, part of me hating how adorable he is, the majority simply hating how dim-witted I am.

He wasn’t trying to kiss you.

“Hang out again soon?” he asks brightly.

I just nod and return a polite smile. He beams down at me before bidding me goodnight and walking back to his car.

As quick as physically possible, I unlock my front door, dash inside and shut the door behind me.

Idiot, idiot, idiot.

I sink to the floor, back pressed to the door. He wants to work together. While that notion alone would have had me fainting before tonight, I cannot help but feel a little disheartened to have misread the situation.

He didn’t want to kiss you.

My mind quickly scans through the whole evening, wonder at which event I began to misinterpret the signals. Maybe he was going to give me a hug outside the restaurant. Maybe he actually was going to kiss me, but then I laughed in his face and stepped away from him. Did I put him off me that quickly?

Pulling myself off the floor, I put the flowers in a mug of water, telling myself I will deal with them tomorrow once I am over the embarrassment.

* * *

I barely sleep, tossing and turning and reliving every stupid detail and mistake I undoubtedly made.

“You absolute cow!” I shout with a laugh when I spot Lucy walking towards me.

She just laughs along with me, a slight bashful blush arising in her cheeks as she steps closer to me.

I had text her when I got home last night, asking her to meet me first thing and she had agreed. Meeting at the dog park between our houses had been my idea, desperate to see her new Dalmatian puppy, Pip. I had arrived early, pre-emptively getting Lucy and I lattes, knowing fully well that no matter what time I got there I would still beat her by at least ten minutes.

“Thanks, gorgeous,” Lucy greets, taking the coffee I had extended to her.

“Hello, sweetpea,” I say in a higher pitch than my natural tone, crouching to welcome the excited dog. Pip wags her tail aggressively, desperately trying to lick my face. I giggle as my face scrunches at all the attention she is giving me, “I know, I know, it’s been a whole two days since I saw you, how could I neglect you like that?”

“She pissed on my shoes. Right little dickhead,” Lucy muses as I stand up, giving the pup one last scratch behind the ears. My eyes drop to her feet as we begin to walk through the park. “Not these ones, idiot,” she laughs.

“Don’t call me an idiot, I have a bone to pick with you,” I reply, trying my very hardest to chastise her but just giggling through it, faking sincerity always having been difficult for me, “What was it you told me? ‘Its just a date, no biggie’?”

“Something like that,” she mumbles, feigning shame but smirking as she looks at the ground.

“Harry Styles,” I mock, “Harry fucking Styles. You could have warned me, mate! I thought about him in the shower before dinner, thought I must have slipped and bumped my head when he rocked up,”

Lucy laughs as continue through the park, walking out on to the open expanse of the field. Pip excitedly yaps at the dogs playing in the distance, a little too young to join them just yet. We walk in bemused silence for a moment until we find a bench and take seat on it, sipping intermittently at our cooled down coffees.

“How was it then? Complete disaster or did you hold it together?” Lucy asks.

“Well, I thought I was holding it together, we were even kind of flirty,” I begin. Remembering last night stirs up excitement in my stomach, contrasting my skin crawling with embarrassment, “But he never kissed me. He walked me to my door, got me to give him my number and left,”

Luce nods, letting me give her the gist of the previous night, not pushing for more information as I bounce one of my legs anxiously. “He got your number though?” She offers, always looking on the bright side.

“Yeah, because he wants to make music together,” I say, a small smirk interrupting my words.

“Make music or make music?” She teases, wiggling her eyebrows dramatically.

“I don’t know!” I laugh, giving her a gentle push when she keeps leaning closer to me and putting her creepy moving eyebrows in my eyeline, “We complimented each other and stuff, and it became a bit of a joke but now I’m worried he was serious and I just made a fool out of myself… I did have half a bottle of wine,” my tone more serious now.

“One, you’re a delight when you drink. Two, I bet Harry was such a fucking flirt, ‘Oh yeah, baby, lets make symphonies with our bodies’,” I cannot help but crack a smile at her, surprisingly accurate, impression, “And three, even if you did misread things, it sounds like he would be up for working with you, and if I remember correctly, you said you’d give your left kidney to sing a duet with him,”

“I’m never drinking sambuca again,” I mutter, shuddering at the memory of that night, drunkenly screaming as Sweet Creature played over the speakers of the bar.

“I say text him,” Lucy shrugs as if the solution is so obvious that she cannot understand why the two of us are even having this conversation.

“Ah,” I breath, “That’s another thing. I was a bit distracted by the whole ‘not wanting to kiss me’ thing that I forgot to ask for his number.”

“Idiot,” Lucy giggles, picking up Pip as she paws at her leg and setting her between the two of us on the bench, allowing me better access to pet her freely, “I’ll text it you,”

“I can’t text him out of the blue, won’t that look psycho?” I stress.

“No,” Lucy says, again so plainly it is as though she cannot believe she is explaining something so simple, “Pretty sure Harry likes confident people anyway.”

“Why would he want to date me then?” I mumble, eyes fixed on Pip’s as her mouth hangs open, tongue rolling out happily as she gets attention from the both of us.

“Maybe because you can throw it back like no one I’ve ever seen,” Lucy teases.

“Fucking hate sambuca,” I grumble half-heartedly.

The text from Lucy arrives on my phone a few hours later, just as I step out of the shower. I have to wipe a few droplets of water from the screen before it allows me to unlock it.

Don’t puss out x

Underneath is what I can only assume is Harry’s number. I stare at the white screen for a while, contemplating whether or not to text him. Should I? Luce said he liked confidence, and I wanted him to like me, or at least not think of me as some blob of flesh he sat through dinner with. What would I say? What possible message could I send that did not make me sound like a creep?

Hey it’s Violet. Lucy gave me your number, promise I didn’t ask for it

No, that sounds rude.

Hi, it’s Violet from last night. Lucy gave me your number, hope you don’t mind. I’d love to make sweet music with you

He could read that two ways. Either he would read it as me just wanting to work together, or that I wanted to see him with no clothes on. Neither option appeal despite both being shamefully accurate.

The condensation on my bathroom mirror has almost vanished by the time I set my phone back down. Desperate to go about my day without worrying, I head across the landing and into my bedroom.

Despite having lived here for well over a year, the Los Angeles heat never fails to stifle me, even as autumn creeps into view. The humidity seeps into my bare skin as I flop back on my bed, urgently searching for a reason to get back up and be proactive with the work I need to get done today. That in itself should be reason enough, but the temperature in my room seems to counter any sensible thoughts in my brain. So, I let my eyes close for a moment.

However, Lucy’s words keep circling around in my mind.

‘Don’t puss out’

That is what I always do. Deciding to grow a backbone, I stand up and march back into the bathroom to pick up my phone. I quickly unlock it, ignoring the notifications on my lock screen, assuming its just my manager prompting me to get my act together. I quickly copy the phone number from Lucy and make a contact for Harry, set on typing a message to him and pressing send before I can overthink how keen I will most likely come across.

You are keen.

Selecting his contact, my phone takes me to a chat with him, however, it is not blank like I had expected. Instead, there is a white bubble of text, a smaller bubble beneath it, both timestamped seven minutes ago.

I know films and tv shows always say you should wait at least three days before messaging but I reckon it’s all bollocks. I had a really good time last night and would love to hang out again. I understand if this seems a bit eager so I’ll leave it up to you. Whatever you fancy I’m up for – Harry

Also I don’t know why I signed that off like it’s an email but I’m going to stick with it so I seem confident – Harry

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howtotrainyouragents · 3 years ago

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Things I Noticed in the Hamilton Film

Soooo, I was supposed to have posted this last year when the film first dropped, and I forgot...

Anywayyyy, things that were new, from the album, or was obvious to everyone but me. This is literally just me listing details I loved for my own keepsake later on

I hope this film’s success (and the play’s hopeful continued success on stage), shows that Broadway plays can and should be filmed for everyone

Lin Manuel Miranda is a brilliant writer, scriptwriter, musician, rapper, singer, and a genuinely lovely person, but I think my favorite part about him is his acting. He has such a pure naturalness and sincerity in his acting. He nails microexpressions/gestures and sometimes I forget that he’s acting

E.g., Lin’s devastation after Washington kicks him out

There’s some songs I wondered what their purpose was, but watching it I understood. For example, Story of Tonight sets up the purpose of the revolution. Like, My Shot is Hamilton’s ‘I want’ song, but Story of Tonight is all of the revolutionaries ‘I want’ song, and that’s why it comes up again for Laurens and Hamilton at their ends

Samuel Seabury’s acting was gold

In Right Hand Man the way the backup stage/cast lights up as they sing ‘not throwing away my shot” and Hamilton agrees to work for Washington

The fact that Helpless ends with “You’ll be a new man” because Hamilton is still so obsessed with his own ascendency

HOLY FUCK RENEE ELISE GOLDSBERRY

They way they start Satisfied, it’s like Angelica doesn’t know the true extent of her devastation until she gives her toast and says “satisfied”. Like, she knows what she’s done but she’s still thinks this is fine and this is for the best, and it’s not until this moment that the weight of it fully hits her. By the end of it, it’s like she’s barely holding it together for this toast

Towards the end of the song, Eliza kisses her cheek and Renee’s expression is like she’s about fall apart in that very moment from the sheer overwhelming joy and pain

So in Helpless when their talking about letters, Peggy does a cute random shimmy while handing Eliza the letter. But then in Satisfied we see that she’s doing the shimmy to the beat of Satisfied, meaning that she knows how Angelica feels and knows about the love triangle

I’m trying really hard not to scream about the rewind of all the dance and action in Satisfaction but please know I am internally screaming about this forever.

Almost forgot, Burr and Hamilton were friends at one point. Burr shows up for his wedding to wish him well :(

I wasn’t gonna scream that much here, but LESLIE ODOM JR.

Leslie’s smile- amused and scoffing disbelief- when singing about Hamilton in Wait for it

Speaking of Wait for it, the way the whole cast is waiting on stage and the balconies as Burr sings. and the way the dancers shift to Hamilton’s direction when Burr talks about him

Also the lighting creates boxes on the stages, like Burr is trapped. But then this reappears in Your Obedient Servant

I never knew the lyrics were “This is commonplace, 'specially 'tween recruits” and not “’tween corps” in Ten Duel Commandments...makes more sense

I think there’s 10 people in that line up in Ten Commandments

The way Stay Alive conflicts Hamilton’s precious notions of sacrifice, and forces him to shift his focus from dying to legacy

The mimic of the bullet in Stay Alive

The way that Eliza is also so excited about the war and the scholars in The Schuyler Sisters and that excitement goes away after she has the actual risk of losing someone she loves because of the war

Who’s the choreographer because DAMN (btw it’s Andy Blankenbuehler)

Also the dancers lifting up other dancers for whole bars? Incredible

The way women are interwoven into the story of the war, singing the chorus and setting the scene and rejoicing with the soldiers at the end

The fucking red lighting in Yorktown. Also, the shot in the song’s pause is one of the best shots in musical history.

The fact that ‘black and white soldiers wonder alike if this really means freedom’ ‘not yet’ is a commentary on slavery and the line is said by Washington

The brilliant way What Comes Next undercuts the gravitas of Yorktown .

Also, King George loses more and more of his costume and moves around more as the show goes on. Also, blue lighting with “I’m feeling blue” hahaha

Lafayette and Hercules getting the same letter about Laurens + Hamilton’s sobbing. And Laurens’ singing ‘there will be more of us’, referring to the future generations who will fight and win abolition.

Nonstop:

Burr’s disgust while Hamilton rants. Hamilton’s pouting then childish glee at the beginning

Burr stays at the bottom of the staircase after Hamilton climbs it. Also, Jefferson descends the staircase after Hamilton ascends it, indicating their statuses

The refrain of “How does a....” shows up in Nonstop as Burr’s “How do you write...” (other characters sing their own personal refrains but Burr sings this), and it’s like this ongoing, jealous, incredulous questioning of how Hamilton became so successful, and part of the answer of how he did it is that he doesn’t stop writing and working.

Regardless of which sister he ended up with, love was never gonna be enough for Hamilton

The way Daveed Diggs jumps and dances and dives across the stage in just about every song he’s in. The man truly deserved the Emmy

Jefferson’s being surrounded by his slaves because he sucks

Hamilton’s costume goes from white --> brown-->blue-->green-->black and someone with more color scheme expertise needs to dissect this for me please

The fact that even Burr peaces out when it comes to the affair, like, nope, this is too messed up even for me

An in-universe explanation as to why the Ten Duel Commandments and Phillip’s count is the same is that Hamilton’s killing (metaphorically and literally) in order to stay alive is a part of their family’s DNA.

Anthony Ramos is phenomenal at playing 9 years old then having to switch to 19

The fact that Phillip was probably so determined to defend his father is that this is after the Reynolds Pamphlet and everyone was humiliating and scorning Hamilton

The Room Where it Happened

Hamilton is like an apparation to him, and Burr is both scared and begging the ghost to reveal the truth

The fact that this song is a plot song and a ‘i want’ song and a villain song all at once. Also, the song picks up speed to signal the shift from historical recounting to ‘i want’ song

They replay the beginning where Jefferson/Madison call for Hamilton

Jefferson being the one to ask “Don’t you remember Lafayette”, and there’s like a slight change in his demeanor that’s more Lafayette then Jefferson

Burr, Madison, and Jefferson discreetly talking to each other in Washington on Your Side representing their nefarious schedming. Also, Daveed Diggs keeps Jefferson’s limp even without the cane. Also Madison is angry at Hamiilton when he says “the bill of rights, which I wrote!”

One Last Time:

How perfectly the Bible verse reflects Washington’s opinion of legacy. The younger men are obsessed with preserving their own memories in history, but for Washington, his legacy would be that everyone would be safe and at peace.

Washington’s practically crying at the end

Hamilton asking Washington here to teach him how to say goodbye because Hamilton genuinely doesn’t know how: people left him before he could ever say goodbye

We Know: Jefferson’s pure WTF face when he says “my God...”. In this reaidng, Burr definitely threatened him (I didn’t always intepret that way when listening). But Hamilton’s still an idiot.

Hurricane: Once again, Lin’s facial expressions. The way the the chorus stands around and watches him. But also the freaking brilliant way that the dancers mimic the hurricane, and Burr and Maria are the only other people in the hurricane with Hamilton. But at the end, it’s just Hamilton and the desk

Reynolds Pamphlet: The way Washington can’t even look at him, but Angelica gets in his face to yell at him. Also, Jefferson hands a pamphlet to the conductor

This reading, Phillippa Soo sings Burn with so much rage and fury and that is pretty much my favorite part of this entire film

Hamilton’s face at “Alexander, did you know?”

The fact that Angelica narrates Uptown because it’s too intimate for Burr or anyone else to narrate. Eliza’s changing facial expressions as she slowly lets him in. The way Hamilton just completely breaks down and sobs

The Election of 1800:

Jefferson shaking his head when Madison suggests Hamilton

Burr’s falseness is hilarious. He hands Hamilton a pamphlet.

Jefferson’s look of resignation when Hamilton is making his decision, then starts dancing around when he’s won

The close-up of Burr’s face falling when he realizes who Hamilton has voted for

The whole “runner-up becomes VP” thing made me think about if we could have had Hillary Clinton as VP, and I made myself sad.

Your Obedient Servant: I always saw this song as a reflection of the custom, but I never fully appreciated how it reflects their relationship: their relationship has completely disintegrated, but their working to maintain this false appearance of friendship/civility that no longer has a place in their relationship.

Also, Burr’s increasingly incensed and it does not help that Hamilton sends like a 12-page letter and the dancer even teases Burr

The guy who gives Hamilton Burr’s duel challenge plays Charles Lee. Karma

The World Was Wide Enough

Burr’s POV then Hamilton’s POV, like this story has become less and less about Hamilton and he is no longer in control of who’s telling his story

The shot of Eliza walking away and in her wake, it’s Burr shooting

Burr’s alone in the stage, finally realizing the world (aka the stage) was wide enough for the both of them, but it’s too late. Also, in part foreshadowing his own future: that he had the world before him regardless of Hamilton, but he was completely ruined after this duel

I definitely cried at ‘the orphanage’. Also I interpret the gasp at the end as her breaking fourth wall and seeing the audience and realizing that Hamilton’s legacy has continued even to today.

#hamilton #i know it's cool to hate hamilton now #but i dont #so forgive me for putting this on your dash #agent report #agent h

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lizparkcr · 4 years ago

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ok so im trying to avoid having emotions about the shitshow that is the local elections so i dont yknow breakdown and ive been meaning to make a post for ages abt muriel’s route i have so many thoughts. obvious spoilers ahead not that i have more than like 2 followers who play arcana game

firstly....i was kinda underwhelmed with the second half/ending of his route. disclaimer i haven’t replayed it and haven’t got the reversed ending, only upright, and my memory sucks and i played it a while ago. SO, things that I....don’t understand:

1. SUCH a massive deal is made out of muriel (and MC) having to learn to fight, the plot literally hinges on it, only for it to swing off the plot all together into oblivion and for the final showdown to be....a series of literal games.* And I wouldn’t disagree with this as an ending tbh!!!! I think it’s fucking great actually -- a non-violent resolution to further signify Muriel’s journey from violence and isolation to peace and fun and family, and tbh sort of a massive fuck you to lucio; LITERALLY RETURNING to the coliseum only to BEAT Lucio WITHOUT returning to the violence that lucio forced on him, turning it into a place of actual joy. Like fuck!! BUT with the whole first part it just doesn’t fucking fit lmao? Muriel could have faced his demons in the beginning without learning to fight at all, he still could have had that journey. Morga could have just traveled with them right? Or even better he could have refused to fight and then the ending would have been even better. We could have had a moment of Morga acknowledging their strength??? Acknowledging their non-violent victory WITH PRIDE??? Bringing her to reflect on her choices as a mother and a leader??? Devs why couldn’t we have had that :( I may be remembering wrong but the apparent necessity of Morga teaching them to fight is the biggest source of tension for at least a book. It’s the reason for his first kiss with the MC! Also yeah speaking of tension with Morga

2. SUCH a big deal is made out of morga becoming/reflecting as (?) a mother figure to muriel (which in itself is a very bold way to go story-wise)....only for her to be killed off. Again, I don’t disagree with this decision, I like her but story-wise it could fit. But I can’t help feel like it was really premature. This is something I feel all routes suffer from, and perhaps I am expecting too much from a game that can be played for free very easily, but every single route has pacing problems, none more than Muriel’s imo. Considering the maternal aspect of Morga (for both her and Muriel!) is sooooo fucking loaded and intense like, you cannot drop that and then kill her and not really mention her for the rest of the story. Her “ghost” made an appearance sometime later and a few sentences were said and that was it. Her and Muriel’s past was so brushed over and idk clearly they didn’t have the time or money or whatever to develop it which is a real shame. Their journeys could have run parallel or gone in opposite directions literally anything but Morga dying in a moment of weakness from a cheap trick by lucio :/ bc YEAH like that was not actually weakness but certainly what morga considers weakness!!! that mistake could have split her away from muriel+MC entirely OR brought them closer together. she could have been disgusted with herself and decided once and for all to let go of lucio as a son and go her own way to destroy him, or she could have woken up to what she can do differently now and work with Muriel and co and let go of lucio that way. idk man it was just a waste

Right then....onto the romance. or. lack of :( this is completely subjective, I know some people were v happy with it but like, this could not have been a drier route and im so fucking sad about it. There were definitely some sweet moments, but that was sort of it for me. I get what they were going for, but it’s personally sad to me that Muriel’s contentedness seems to have come at the expense of sensual intimacy/tension. like there was just absolutely no spice whatsoever. I saw someone describe the MC relationship as basically platonic and...yeah. Very little intimacy that wasn’t like, cuddling or holding hands, which since there wasn’t much to build on anyway just came across as nice but unexciting. It felt like it became too easy and too normal too quickly? Naturally touch was such a precious and important thing in the beginning as Muriel was learning to trust, but that just did not get explored imo. The first kiss wasn’t...the worst, but it was sort of OOC to me. They could have got so deep with that first kiss -- the opportunity, the trust, the choice. “Happy accident” scenarios can be great and definitely could have worked for his story, but for the first kiss i was like oh ok we’re here now?? and..muriel’s ok with that considering we were just uhh sobbing about his forced servitude and violence?? idk how i haven’t mentioned it yet but the way the tone was all over the fucking shop in that book gave me serious whiplash. Anyway it’s so disappointing bc c’monnnnn this whole relationship is brand new to BOTH mc and muriel. At the start every touch is a small turning point and i think they did that so well, you feel excited at the development and where it will go, but then it’s like “ok well we’re together now so everything is easy and breezy”. you can create emotional tension (the good kind) through touch EVEN if they’re both ace. which the MC is not bc its the self insert character so. yeah. i feel like im probably being a bit harsh in retrospect but this is what has stuck with me.

This leads me to Muriel himself, and what to me was the biggest opportunity to do blow everyone’s minds bc he was SUCH a mystery before his route. Dark and brooding but shy and caring, anti-social through anxiety and fear but lonely, his reluctant but consistent support of Asra and his friends. And that was all teased in the beginning! ....and then completely fell flat. Similar to my first point: they had some deep emotional development going, Muriel literally coming face to face with the past he never knew, and the past he wishes he could forget, learning to actually be around people, learning to trust people (and ngl i fucking loved the beginning stages with MC so much), and overcoming his anxiety and pessimism. He and MC literally travel together alone for weeks. WEEKS! And much of that is skipped by. We have big emotional scenes but not much in between. And then...and yknow im not sure where it changes...after khamgalai dies? (and dont get me started on that what the fuck was the point of THAT?) after MC goes to the arcane realms? I can’t remember but at some point it’s like...all tension is gone lmao. Including tension between MC and Muriel, and he becomes quite two dimensional. It was just rushed. Vesuvia is in ruins, Nadia and co chased out of the palace, Lucio taking control etc but like...it doesn’t feel like it matters? Im really not saying that his route has to be all doom and gloom at all but don’t MAKE it doom and gloom and then do a 180 yknow? I remember Julian’s route in particular being so fucking tense, even though I knew I got the upright ending, that dinner scene was...phew. (and i do get that naturally the first 3 routes are bound to be a more exciting experience bc i was less familiar w the game etc but still, there was just 0 tension).

im not even gonna talk about the MC’s past reveal bc i have issues with it in every route so whatever

so yeah i love muriel and i still like the arcana but it’s writing and pacing is just so inconsistent and it makes me sad. I will continue to fanon Muriel’s route to death.

*It’s occurred to me that the reversed ending may be more violent and actually fit with where the story seemed to be going in the start, but I stand by the opinion that it doesn’t matter because it still doesn’t make sense. I shouldn’t have to play the reverse ending to be like “oh ok that was the point of that” bc it should make sense and serve purpose in both endings, which i dont think it does.

#im absolutely not taggin this bc i dont want to be percieved by the devs lol #or muriel stans who love his route #these are just my onions #i really wanna replay asra's route tbh his was the best #i want that reversed CG so bad but dont wanna die for it #the arcana #this post is really long but it's 1:43am that's just how it is sometimes

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turnmeonbigreddevilman · 6 years ago

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Hellboy alphabet

A/n: nobody asked for this but I am giving it to the internet anyway because there is not enough HB content out there! I was half asleep when I wrote some of these so they may not be the best but they’re what I got and I hope someone out there enjoys them!!

((GIF not mine))

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

HB is especially loving and cuddly after sex. He gets really rough and really animalistic in the moment so, coming out of it, he makes up for it with tons of kisses, hugs, and praise.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He loves his chest, if it isn’t obvious from the way he takes every chance he gets to not wear a shirt. He also loves his arms, he thinks they look nice and strong!

He loves your thighs. They are thick and lovely and every time he looks at them, he has to keep himself from imagining them wrapped around his head.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

His most favorite thing is coming inside of you, if you are down for him to. Of course there’s the usual precautions if you aren’t on the pill, but if you are and are down for it, he’ll pump into you until he’s almost there and when he comes, he’ll strain to press as deep into you as he can. Sometimes, if he’s in a particular mood, he’ll pull almost all the way out and then cum because he likes a good cream pie every once in a while (when he’s a little tipsy, that is).

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He likes it when you mark him. He may heal before anyone could really notice but just feeling you bite him or give him a hickey would damn near knock his whole-ass socks off.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He absolutely knows what he’s doing. That’s not to say that he’s been around, as he can count the number of people he’s slept with on one hand, he’s just a quick learner (and being a superhuman half-demon REALLY helps).

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Before the relationship is serious: Doggy style. It’s all about the pleasure and that ass. What can he say?

When in a serious relationship: Missionary. He’s quite the sappy bitch and something about seeing the woman he loves coming undone under him, making love to him and only him, is so fulfilling.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

For all the jokes this boy cracks, you would think he would do the same during sex but he is completely serious (if he’s sober). He’s a very lusty individual, and practically breaks down into an animalistic rut when he’s turned on/fucking. Expect mostly growls and groans along with some slight dirty talk here and there.

H= Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He has no choice but to groom it, have you seen how hairy he is in general? If he doesn’t keep it in check, it’s impossible to manage. He prefers to keep it pretty close-shaven, almost pornstar-like, but not in a bad way. It allows for a very nice slapping noise between the both of your bodies in the moment

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Once HB is in love, he is in LOVE. As mentioned above, he loves getting it in missionary because he can kiss you, watch you, and even whisper sweet nothings to you during very special times. He really is a big teddy bear.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He’s a male. He jacks off. Sometimes multiple times a day, but he always still has some energy left for you. Honestly, he’s doing you a favor by giving his hand a couple of rounds instead of wearing you out with his stamina and ability to go for HOURS, lasting rounds upon rounds.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Dominance. He loves being in control, making you behave, telling you how to pleasure both him and yourself. Do as he says and you’ll be rewarded.

¡¡¡Daddy kink!!!! (But he would never admit it unless you let him know you were also into it, if you even are) it’s all about the power aspect, babyyyy!

He’s also got a size kink. He LOVES being so much bigger than you. And his strength!! He can pick you up and manhandle you while also protecting you and keeping you warm.

Lastly, he has a kink for the sounds you make. Moan in earnest and it could possibly push him over the edge, depending on where in the sex process you are. Your sounds let him know how he’s doing as well as how much pleasure you’re experiencing. Whimper and he is 100% done.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

The bed, the shower, the couch, in abandoned meeting rooms, in closets while people are walking by outside the door etc.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Tease him with a short skirt and a sultry look and you’re in for it. He’s in predator mode, stalking you until he gets you alone. Call him daddy in casual conversation and he’s ready to go.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He will not hit/slap you during sex. He’s terrified he’d hurt you on accident because of how strong he is. If hitting/slapping is your thing, he feels bad that he can’t do that for you but he would rather not risk it.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He’s a little sloppy at first but he is a quick learner. Before long, he has you squirming when his head is between your thighs.

He does like receiving but he’s not selfish. He likes giving too! (Bonus note: please play with his balls, he will love it)

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

His pace varies so much just between days, rounds, or even moments. He can do both and prefers both, he just likes having sex with you. That being said, with his size and nature, his “slow and sensual” is not the same as an ordinary human man’s “slow and sensual”. By human standards it’s still quite rough, hence the ever-present need for aftercare.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Let me tell you, ANY time this demon can get his hands on you, he will if you’re up for it. He can’t get enough of you and sometimes, finding a room and taking it slow is not an option. Many times you have found yourself in a broom closet with him holding you up against a wall or shelf.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

HB is down to try anything that won’t get you hurt. Present an idea to him and he’ll likely be excited to try it out, he won’t hold back!

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Well he isn’t human, and he’s unnaturally strong, so that he can go for consecutive rounds upon rounds. You may tire out around 5 but he’s still got about 2-3 at LEAST left in him. Remember when I said it’s good he jacks off a lot? Yeah, this is why.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He never really had a serious need for actual toys before you. Sure, he’d been involved with other people but only casually and not enough to warrant a collection of things to use. During your relationship with him though, he starts collecting little things he thinks it would be cool to try, like blindfolds and ropes, as well as things he thinks you’ll like, like vibrators etc.

(Side note: sexy times when you’re first trying out the new toys are a tad goofy at the start because he’s nervous and trying to relieve his own tension, but as you both get into it, he becomes more of his usual, lusty and primal self.)

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Red is the BIGGEST flirt so you know he’s also the BIGGEST tease. He’ll slap your ass in public, put his hand a little too far up your thigh during meetings, and purposefully “forget” to grab a towel so that he has to come out of the steaming shower completely naked.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Dude isn’t so much loud as he is consistently making noise. He can’t be silent, it just feels so good, but unless he’s really feeling it, he’s not yelling either.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

HB loves when you come work out with him. Not only is it one of the few times he feels attractive (he knows he’s built), but he also gets to watch you work out, squats and all, and he always tries to act like he’s your trainer so he can get you riled up for the shower sex that may or may not happen afterward

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

HUGE. Big. Thick. Tough to fit in the first time every time. He’ll get you nice and ready though (wink wonk)

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Moderately high. He’s a machine when it comes to sex, and it’s already known that he jerks it a lot and can last multiple rounds. Give him the chance and he’ll “rock your world any day of the week, princess, WOOO”- or so he once said when you were wondering about it.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He’s a master at sleeping. As soon as he knows you’re good, he’s out. He’s got you in an iron grip, he’s drooling on the pillow, and he is GONE. A freight train crashing through the room couldn’t wake him.

#hellboy 2004 #hellboy 2019 #hellboy x reader #hellboy smut #alphabet challenge

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spectraspecs-writes · 5 years ago

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Tatooine - Chapter 82 (Jolee)

Link to the masterpost. Chapter 81. Chapter 83.

@averruncusho @ceruleanrainblues @chubbsmomma thank you for reading, you get a tag. @skelelexiunderlord thank you for support, you get a tag.

——————

But it’s a long flight. And I have to find something to do. The first thing I tried to do was access the archives on Dantooine to look into the terentatek, but the archive’s computer locked me out of pretty much everything. I could get a picture of a terentatek, which doesn’t do me any good since I’ve already seen one. And it told me about reports on Korriban, which I already knew about from Guun Han’s journal. I don’t see the point in locking information away. What happened to “there is no ignorance, there is knowledge”? Well, if there’s an academy on Korriban, maybe they have archives I can get to.

Bastila isn’t up to talking, not after yesterday night. She’s spending a lot of time with Canderous in the swoop hanger. Well, I hear them more than I see them - they’ve set up a little area of sorts behind the swoop where they mumble softly to each other. Probably more than mumble. But that’s none of my business. If she’s happy, more power to her. I can’t work on HK, either. Mission found a shooting program in him that lets her practice with a gun turret, which frankly is more useful in the long run than solving the mystery of where he came from. I can’t really tend to any of the things on my mind.

Which leaves me camping out in the main hold, with nothing but my racing thoughts to keep me company. Jolee pops in and chuckles at me. “Bored out of your skull, hmm?”

“To put it mildly,” I say.

“Let me guess - Carth has his mind on his son, so as much as you want to talk to him you can’t. Bastila and Canderous are all but joined at the hip. And you can’t work on the droids because you’ve misplaced your tools.”

“Two out of three, not bad. I’ll never misplace my tools.” I sigh and move my hair out of my face. “Guess this isn’t like those adventuring days of yours after all, huh?”

“Did I say anything about that?” he asks, mocking forgetfulness, “Strange the tricks memory plays on you when you get older.”

“Come on, old man, I’m bored!” I say, “You don’t just tease me with a story and then dangle it in front of me like a kath hound with a steak.”

“I’m not here to alleviate your boredom!” he exclaims, “No staring at the old man, that's what the sign says, dammit! And besides... you don't really want to hear about me. You’re only talking to me because there’s no one else to talk to.”

“That’s not true at all!” I say, then I add jokingly, “I could go talk to Juhani.”

He laughs shortly. “We're talking ancient history,” he continues, “probably before you were born. History bores kids. Proven fact.”

“Oh, yeah?” I say, “Well old people love to talk about history. Proven fact.”

He laughs again. “Oh fine, fine,” he concedes, “have it your way. Just don't cry about it later.” Never. “Yes, yes, I was an adventurer,” he says, sitting down near me, “Happy now? I wasn't even done with my Jedi training back then. I had a full head of hair and an eagerness to see absolutely everything. Sound familiar?” I suppose. “The Council was never very happy with willful, brash Jolee Bindo, you see. Even less so when I began my smuggling career.”

I stifle a chuckle. “You were a smuggler?” I say in dubious disbelief.

“Don't look at me like that, dammit!” he says with a gentle smack, “I wasn't always the wrinkled coot I am now, you know. I can still fight, too, so wipe off that smirk I see there.” He shakes his head a bit. “At the time the Ukatis system was interdicted by its own King. He preferred to keep his people starving and poor, all the better to oppress them.” Asshole. “That’s what I thought, too.” There he goes, getting in my head again. “The Senate was trying to negotiate a peace, but they were getting nowhere as usual. I decided I wasn't going to wait. I found myself a ship and a partner and we began smuggling food and supplies to the Ukatis citizenry through the blockade.”

“Alright! That’s badass!” I exclaim, “Blockade running - that’s dangerous stuff.”

“Oh, it was,” he agrees, “I was a half-decent pilot in those days... and with the Force guiding me, we made it through some tough spots nobody else would have.”

Really? I don’t know why it never occurred to me to use the Force to be a better pilot. I’ll have to keep that in mind. “So where’d you get all the supplies from? Obviously the Senate or the Council didn’t give you any credits to buy any.”

“Well, we didn't buy all the equipment, per se. Some were happy to donate goods. Some we just, ah, knew had more than they could use…”

“You stole it? All right!” Who knew such a badass was living on the forest floor of Kashyyyk?

“'Stole' is such a harsh word,” he says, “They would have donated those goods readily enough if they were compassionate. I considered it a tax on the greedy.” Badass! My kind of guy. “We only got caught once. A lone Ukatish frigate shot us down and forced a crash landing. I thought the Force had abandoned me, as I remember.”

“What happened?”

“Well, as it happens, getting shot down turned out to be very fortunate,” he says, “That day was the day I…”

And then he just trails off. “What?”

“Well,” he says haltingly, “that… that was the day I met my wife.”

Whoa, whoa. So that’s how he knows about love, that’s how he’s made his opinions. “You were married?”

“You know another way to get a wife?” he says brusquely, “But, yes… that's when I met her.” He stops again. “I... If it's all the same to you, I'd prefer to stop talking now.” What? No! “My mouth is starting to draw flies.”

Uh-uh! You’re not -- no! I need to hear more. I bend down to pick up a passing gizka. “Here - for the flies.”

Much as he doesn’t want to, he laughs. “That’s disgusting,” he says between laughs. When he manages to stop laughing, he sets the gizka back down on the floor. “Really, I- I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Jolee, I don’t mean to pry, but…”

“Yes you do,” he interrupts, “You may mean well enough, but my private affairs are just that: private.” Then he points at me, like he’s about to become a finger-wagging old person. “Let me tell you something,” he says, and I can tell he’s got a powerful point to make here, “Once you've lived as many years as I have, you'll have yourself a long, long list of memories. If you're lucky, most of them will be good. If you're not, some will be bad. If you're really unlucky, some will be so bad you never want to be reminded of them again… ever. You'll go far away, to a place that doesn't hold any memories at all. And there you'll be happy just to forget and be forgotten.”

“Jolee, I want to hear what you have to say,” I say, “I need to.”

“Need to?” he repeats, “I hadn’t figured you to be the type to seek advice from a so-called ‘wise old Jedi.’”

“And ordinarily you’d be right,” I say, “But you know what’s been going on in my head lately. I’m getting conflicting opinions and I have no idea what the hell to do about it. Normally, I’ll just stumble into a situation and figure it out from there. But if I make a bad decision here, I could lose a very good friend and I don’t want to do that anymore!”

He just sits and waits until I calm down a bit. Just sitting and looking at me, calmly. “All right?” he asks when my breathing gets a bit more regular. I nod. He nods too. “Let me ask you this,” he says, “Have you ever been in love? Truly in love, I mean, not just simple infatuation.”

“I…” I think for a minute. “I don’t know. I think so, but…”

“Exactly,” he says, “You're still at the beginning of your life. There will be men in your life, perhaps many men - women, too, maybe - but if you're fortunate you'll find love once. The Jedi, with their damnable sense of over-caution, would tell you love is something to avoid. Thankfully, anyone who's even partially alive knows that's not true.”

“I’m not sure, though,” I say, “I mean, Bastila’s warnings seem like an overreaction, but she wouldn’t have anything to say about it at all if it wasn’t a thing, right?”

He waves off the notion. “Love doesn't lead to the Dark Side,” he says, “Passion can lead to rage and fear, and can be controlled, but passion is not the same thing as love. Controlling your passions while being in love -- that's what they should teach you to beware. But love itself will save you, not condemn you.” Then he shakes his head. “Ahh, but listen to me go on as if I had all the answers. What do I know of love anymore? I'm just a lonely old man who's not even a Jedi.”

“No, I told you, I want to hear what you have to say,” I say again.

“You do, do you?” he says, “I wouldn't listen too closely. I'm no authority on anything. I just think that the greatest things in life shouldn't be avoided because they come with a few complications. Love causes pain, certainly. Inevitably love is going to lead to as much sorrow and regret as it does joy. I suppose there are perfect, eternal loves out there, but I haven't seen any. How you deal with the bad part of love is what determines your character, what determines the Dark Side's hold over you.”

Take that, Bastila. She’ll never say Jolee’s wrong. I don’t think she could bring herself to. “So…” I start to ask, “what happened between you and your wife?”

“Nice try,” he says, “I haven’t changed my mind, I’m still not going to talk about it. You go and tell Carth if you want to know love so badly.”

“As if I’d do that right now.”

“I'll tell you one thing: sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you and the one you love simply aren't meant to be together. The trick is to know when that is, to know when it's time to fight and when it's time to part ways.” After a moment, he huffs. “There I go waxing philosophical again. Somebody blast me already! Get going before I start talking in riddles, dammit!”

Well, that was very reassuring. That clinches it. I’m going to tell Carth.

Eventually, I mean, now isn’t really a good time. However he feels he won’t feel it now. Now he’s focused on Dustil, which is totally understandable and I don’t want to distract him, I don’t want to split his focus, I don’t want to do that to him. He’s in dad mode right now, and to try to put him into boyfriend mode would be an ill-fated endeavor. As any droid tech knows, you don’t try to introduce new programming if the old programming isn’t finished being executed. Once we’ve found Dustil and dealt with that, maybe then.

But I have no idea how to go about telling him. I’m really not good with words. I’m way too wordy when I speak all the time, and when I get stressed out it’s even worse. I stammer, my words are full of “I mean”s, “like”, false starts, it’s not pretty. Sure, I can get the point across, but the efficacy depends on what the point is. If I’m trying to explain that we need to avoid a certain hill because we don’t want to run into what’s on the other side, then I can do that. Professing a persistent, undying love? Not the sort of thing I can easily express through words. Which could prove to be a problem because I don’t know if Carth will understand if I put it any other way. Like if I ask him to hold on to my droid tool kit for me - that would be huge on my part, because I don’t let anyone hold my tools, never have. They’re mine. But would he understand the importance of that? Would he understand that I wouldn’t let anyone hold my tools unless I trusted them, really trusted them? Or would he just think I was asking for a favor? If I hugged him from behind, or even just took his hand, would he understand what I was trying to tell him? Would he understand what that would mean for me? Or would he just think it was a hug? I don’t know. I don’t know how I could make him understand that I love him without outright saying it, which would take me forever and it may not even end up that clear.

I wish there was a way I could just show him. If he was a Jedi then I could just show him, send it right into his head. He could feel how I feel, I could feel how he feels. No words, no nothing. Just the Force between us. But he’s not a Jedi, so that’s not possible. Well, not as far as I know. It’s nothing Master Zhar told me about. It’s easy enough to know what someone else is feeling, especially if they wear their heart on their sleeve. Getting an emotional vibe is something I was doing before I even knew I was doing it. But for one thing, love is a lot different than happiness or confusion or fear. It’s more complex. It feels complex, anyway, and it’s very transient. Like, sure, I love Carth and nothing can change that, but I don’t feel it in the front of my mind all the time. For another thing, transferring your own feelings is not a thing if the other person isn't open to receive them. Carth doesn’t know how to open that door. He’s not a Jedi, he never would have learned how to open that door. And even if he did know, I wouldn’t know how to ask him if he knew how to open it without saying why.

God, this is so frustrating. At this point, I’ve basically spent hours meditating about it. Trying to figure out exactly how I want to approach it. I finally stand and head towards the cockpit to check the map, see how far we are from Korriban. About seven hours. I look a little further - Carth has fallen asleep in the pilot’s chair. God he’s cute. Troubled bunny man. T3 has taken over piloting, interfacing with the console. After accidentally staring at Carth for God-knows-how-long, I pat T3 on his little droid head and leave. I need to get some sleep before we get to Korriban.

Is that Canderous I hear in the swoop bay still? This late? And… Bastila, too? Sounds like they’re - ahem - having fun. But that’s none of my business. I don’t want to know. I just want to get some sleep.

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tazzmanien · 5 years ago

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The Tian Guan Ci Fu (Heaven Official’s Blessing) Review

Okay I’m doing it finally. Sorry if it ended up way too long, but in my defense the novel itself was huge so…

First of all I will not be comparing this novel with any of the other MXTX novels, but I just want to tell you this is definitely my new favorite for several reasons, but mostly its love story. If you want to know more write me I will gladly talk more about this.

I read in many posts everywhere that Hualian invented love. Well you know what, there is really no lie there. Theirs is one of the most beautiful love stories out there.

So, before I go into the details, please just go and read the novel!!! NOW!

The good:

Usually I would like to say a few words about the writing style and quality, but as I’ve only read a translation of the novel I don’t think I can tell you much about it. The translation was very easy to read, so I’m guessing the novel can’t be too extravagant or bad either. BTW thank you everyone who is doing translations for FREE. You all are angels!

The novel was quite long, but the moment you step into the world you would wish it was longer. Every character has their own story and they needs time to evolve, so I really liked its length, but also not so much. Check out the bad for more information.

I liked how the story took place in three realms and different times. I know some get confused by such switches, but I tend to enjoy them very much. I think the heaven and the ghost city were so diverse, that I can’t wait to see them play out in whatever visual adaptation. I feel like this time around MXTX finally explained the actual world with more detail, which made it easier for me to imagine myself strolling through the ghost city market buying sum forbidden rubbish, or watching the moon up close while seated in a garden in heaven. I could see, smell, feel, hear and sometimes unfortunately even taste many things and that is what I think good writing should be about. The things that weren’t described in detail made it even more fun, as one could work with their own imagination (this might be a bad thing for visual adaptations, just saying). And some of you might remember I complained before that if one has no prior knowledge about the whole cultivation, eastern religion and xianxia stuff, then you might have issues reading MXTX books, well this did not change, but I guess I’m starting to appreciate it, as my own imagination created a whole new version of what this whole thing was meant to be. Still, I should have probably listed this in the bad part as well.

The main plot was very interesting and at times even slightly surprising. Mostly it was quite predictable, but I think writing does not have to invent itself every time again, but it has to give some sort of satisfaction at the end. If a story is predictable deep down to every little detail, this is not a huge issues if the story has other strengths. And this one had a nice mix of both.

It did have some parts which appalled me, but you know what, this was actually a good thing. Like I felt a lot of things, even though I really didn’t want to. The things that were disgusting, really actually disgusted me. The things that were supposed to make you angry, made me go nuts. The things that should have made you happy, made my grin like a maniac. But worst of all, were the things that existed to hurt you, they ripped out my heart and shredded it in front of me while I was still conscious. So all in all, yeah even the bad parts about the plot served a purpose. If you are good at keeping track on the main plot while diving into hundreds of subplots, then I would say it was easy to follow. I think this was okay, but the other way around (remembering the subplots) I would argue differently (more in the bad). Nevertheless, some of the subplots were so beautiful that I think they might have deserved their own novel, but isn’t that the case with all good stories?

On a side note, I don’t know if that was intended or if I just saw things that weren’t there, but was the hidden plot actually about how wrong idolizing people is and how it feels to go through post traumatic stress? I might write some more on this in a separate post, I just wanted to get it off my chest here.

Now my favorite part of any MXTX novel: the characters. Honestly, I can’t remember many stories where I loved every character. But MXTX did it again, I loved all of them, even the ones I hated. Once again the way the side characters were introduced, involved in the main story and the main guys, had their own very individual nature and lifes and fought with their own challenges was beautiful. Every character had their own aura (for the lack of a better word). Yeah I like to make fun of this but it’s true nevertheless: most of them had sad histories or were living their nightmares while the plot evolved, however, this was good as it made me appreciate the few sunreys that were able to shine through the clouds even more. As I said, I hated quite a few of them, but either they had their moment one had to love them for or they served another purpose, like propelling other characters to become what they were meant to be or drive the overall plot. And none of this felt forced. So to make it short wow!

And last but no least, the main characters and their love story.

Xie Lian, our protagonist, my angel my only god the life of my love (yeah I used this one already, sue me), is an adorkable martial arts badass/nerd with the worst luck and cooking skills and spiderman reflexes. He is a true neutral, treats everyone with the same respect, just the way a god should be. He is so genuine in every aspect of his being. He is fully aware of all his shortcomings and all the wrongs he has done, but he still hasn’t lost the good in him and the will to act righteously. He is just so so human, that each of us could learn a little from him. I mean he even warns the freaking demon king to not think too highly of him, because he might disappoint him. And what does Hua Cheng do? He calls him his hope! So XL gives the cruelest of all the demons hope. This shows how perfectly imperfect and inspirational XL is. The world does not deserve him, yet still treats him the worst it can. He lost everything, EVERYTHING! Still he somehow came out to be this beautiful being. The only consolation we get is that at least he gets to have Hua Cheng in his life.

And Hua Cheng, he is the only man out there! Towards Xie Lian he is gentle, loving, understanding, supportive, patient, strong, funny and all sorts of beautiful things. With everyone else he is everything you would expect of a demon king to be and none of it a the same time. He is unpredictable in all things that are not Xie Lian. He does so many good deeds that one would forget that he is a demon king, but he hates, is cruel, intimidating, has killed and is mischievous through and through. Even though we don’t get to see everything about him (see the bad), we know him to be the perfect grey character. Also he proves to be the realest of them all, he stands by everything he says and does and I respect that a lot. He shows his anger and love equally and acts upon both equally. And is so freaking intelligent, handsome, sensual, seductive and cute, that I am actually fearing of being in love with a fictional character. The butterflies are a nice touch btw.

Yes, you are right, we all tend to praise almost every main couple, when the love story is good, but please hear me out. Both of them individually are just perfect in their own imperfect way and together they are the definition of true love. Their first encounter was magical to say the least. Without having any prior knowledge about the overall story or how their love would come to be, I was bewitched from the first moment they both shared the “screen”. I could feel the air stilling, just so I could give my full attention to them falling in love (yeah I know one was already head over heels before that meeting, but that is beside the point). And boy, the way they were falling. It was so realistic and yet hopelessly romantic, that I will use them as the perfect example to show people what it feels like to fall and be in love.

The bad:

The length and some subplots… Yes well it was quite strenuous to follow the happenings, as every character had their own huge side story. While I loved to know every single bit of their stories, sometimes it took me a while to get back on track in the main story and many many times I totally forgot about some subplots later in the novel and was like “where is the other character now? why don’t we see them anymore?”. Despite its length, some characters stories were either only told from the view of the protagonist and lost a lot of what was going on deep down, or some characters stories had huge gaps even. Sure, it was not their story and we can be happy we even got something, but at some point I was kinda disappointed to be teased about a character and never get to find out what happened or how they felt. So I would have enjoyed an even longer book even if the one now was too long. Do you get what I mean? At the end of the day I can actually forget and forgive all except the fact that we never got to see some sides of Hua Cheng and had to read between the lines to understand his motives and feelings a little better. I need a whole book about him only to be honest.

So my next bad thing, might actually be inaccurate if I’d knew more about Hua Cheng. This part is probably highly subjective, but I feel like Hua Cheng was not demonic enough. You know, in my head I pictured him to be a real demon, including the looks and what he is doing. How else would he become a demon king? I mean the looks were pretty much on point, I just feel like all the other characters either ignored it or didn’t care and the fandom just makes him look more like a human being. And yes he treats many badly, but in my opinion not bad enough. It feels like all his good deeds got more screen time and his bad deeds were either justified by something good or not really shown.

Not sure if it was only my short attention span or if that was the case, but I felt like the living world was not described as good as the heaven and ghost city.

Conclusion:

I would recommend this novel to everyone who wants to feel love, but is not afraid to hurt a LOT. If you are searching for a story with some human or heavenly goodness, good friendships, good families, just decent people, then this is not a book for you. Xie Lian is the only exception of course and he is worth every tear you are 100% going to shed.

Just go and read the book! Please. And come back to me and talk about it with me :)

#tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #heaven officials blessing #tgcf #hob #xie lian #hua cheng #hualian

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sicprowl · 5 years ago

Text

The Fell-Star P2.3

The Fell-Star Series

Previous AO3

{Ashe's Log} //FORMAT - TEXT// {DATE: ERA2 Ethereal Moon, 1184}

....................................................................

//LOCATION: KITCHEN//

……………………………………………………….

LOG2

Subject

Girl

The Alien stands at 164cm - or about 5’5”

Weight???

Name unknown

Biology yet to be explored - see Mercedes

Light green hair with matching eyes (they glow?? How?? Why?)

Found on an Empire ship inside a strange egg orb

sample being looked at by Annette - note: don’t forget to visit later

Has a strange connection with the Prince’s Lance

Possibly knows what they are? Creators? Original owners?

Takes very long baths

Likes kissing Mute??

……………………………………………………….

”Why’d you cross that last one out?”

Ashe looked like he was about to have a heart attack when Sylvain appeared over his shoulder. He watched the shorter boy fumble with his tablet, nearly dropping it before the red head caught it.

“A-Ah! Sylvain!” He reached up for his device - but the communications officer merely held it higher, reading over the data with a curious quirk of his brow. Ashe frowned, “Can I have my notes back please?"

Sylvain grunted and began swiping through screens. “Wow. You’re really taking this research thing seriously.”

“Of course I am!” The shorter boy managed to snatch his tablet back and held it close to his chest.

“This is probably the biggest discovery in history!”

“Mmhmm…”

Ashe narrowed his eyes at him, disbelief clear on his face. “How can you not be excited about this? It’s an alien! There’s an alien on our ship!"

“Oh, I care.” Sylvain shrugged as he glanced elsewhere.

The conversation wasn’t appealing to him anymore, more focused on the array of food set out on the counter top of their small kitchen. Some of it were from instant packets - disgusting alternatives to real food (cheap too). Others were various dried meats, rice, beans, and generally things that wouldn’t go bad when stored properly on the ship. Their group had always preferred real food over the process stuff - maybe it was a Faerghus thing?

“I care about there being another pretty girl onboard~”

Ashe balked, “Sylvain!”

He gave Ashe a cheeky grin and slung an arm over his shoulders. The communications officer ignored how the freckle-kissed boy tensed up, knowing he was a little too polite to brush him away like the others. “Look. Things have gotten real tense around here lately - you can’t blame a guy for getting a little excited, can you?"

“T-That’s not-!! She isn’t-!!!” Ashe turned pink while the grip on his tablet went white, “You can’t be serious!!”

Sylvain ignored the boy’s sputtering attempts at reprimanding him in favor of tapping the device’s screen, “Don’t forget to add ‘green fingernails’."

He blinked, “Huh?”

“ ’Green fingernails.’ ” Sylvain repeated, using his forefinger to write it down. It came out sloppy and bigger then the other notes on the list, but the red head was satisfied to be of help. “She’s got these layered, green colored nails. I guess it is a small thing to notice.”

Ashe looked up at him, brow furrowed and questioning. The older male shrugged again, not really wanting to go into detail about how he always noticed those kinds of things when it came to girls. They liked it when you complimented their looks so of course Sylvain would zero in on anything with color or make-up. Hair was a bit harder; the slightest change was considered new to some girls and it could get a little frustrating.

“Just look at her hands the next chance you get - you’ll see what I mean.”

Sylvain abandoned the confused boy for Ingrid who was busy putting out as much food as she could fit on their dinky, stainless steel counter. Plopping onto a stool, Sylvain looked over the array of food and whistled. “Nice buffet you got going there.”

Ingrid shot him a dirty look when he spun one of the plates, watching the grey sludge wiggle suspiciously like jello. “Don’t you have some place else to be?”

He gave her a noncommittal grunt, eyes trained on a tray of Sweet Bun Trio only for Ingrid to slap his hand away the moment he reached for one. “Hey…”

“Those aren’t for you,” Ingrid huffed, ever immune to his pout and charming good looks.

Sylvain crossed his legs and slouched against the counter, eyes now trained on the entrance to the kitchen. “Where is the lady of the hour? I thought she was done with the bath?”

Ingrid paused, eyes suspicious as to how the red head knew their guest was done with using the bathroom. She almost questioned it, almost. But she doubted Sylvain would tell her the truth anyways. She’ll just have to keep an eye on him for now.

“Mercedes and Annette are helping her get some clothes,” she continued to place out more food before taking a step back with a nod. It seemed like a good variety, so surely there was something here for the alien girl to eat. “She can’t walk around in His Highness’ cloak all day."

A grin creeped onto his face as his hand reached for a sweet bun, “I’m sure His Highness would disagree~.”

She slapped him away, “No one asked for your opinion, Sylvain.”

It was at this moment the door to the kitchen slid open to reveal Annette and Mercedes, both standing on either side of their strange guest and talking to her despite the alien seemingly not listening. Sylvain sat up and blinked, his gaze sliding over her new outfit with apprehension. A black top and shorts, both with boob and stomach window. A corset to hold up her large chest, a bulky accessory of a falling star laying nicely in the center. He looked down and noted the knee high boots and lace stockings.

“Are you sure you don’t want my opinion?” Sylvain gawked - wondering just what in the seven layers of icy hell she had on. And why was she wearing the coat like that? Did she rip holes in the sleeves?? No, this was too much. He had to say something. The red head sat up, giving the outfit an incredulous wave. “I’m not exactly a fashionista but-"

“Look here, Sylvain!!” Whoa. Annette was not having it today. “Girls are built differently then men, okay?! While you guys can share shirts and pants because your planks, us women have curves of all shapes and sizes and it makes shopping really, REALLY hard!”

The communications expert gave a nervous laugh and raised his hands, “I surrender! Please, have mercy!”

Annette fumed, having been ready to defend the horrible outfit with her life. It’s not their fault the poor girl was curvy in all the right places! They had so much trouble finding the right sizes that the alien had almost slipped out of sight after they spent thirty minutes looking for pants. It also didn’t help that they were all tired from storming that ship, and the adrenaline of finding an alien was keeping them all from getting any sleep.

Sylvain let her cool off before asking another question, unable to keep his curiosity in check as he stared at the green haired girl. “So, whose stockings are those~?”

To his surprise, it was Ingrid that blushed - her gaze suddenly focused on organizing a plate of cut vegetables. Suddenly, he was seeing his childhood friend in a new light.

“The boots are mine,” Annette pointed out. “So is the tie. The pants and coat are Ingrids and the tops belong to Mercedes.”

Sylvain’s eyes were suddenly on the alien’s chest, grin growing wide at how much perkier it looked with that tight corset on. Ingrid smacked him upside the head before he could formulate a snarky comment, effectively rattling his brain enough to make him see the error of his ways.

“Anyways,” the blond clapped her hands together while her voice held the same tone she had when flying the ship. “Let’s get started!”

“O-Oh, wait!” Ashe fiddled with his tablet a moment before rushing to Ingrid’s side. He held up the device and a tiny red light appeared on the back as it started to record. “This is the starship Blue Lion with Officers Ingrid, Sylvain, Annette, Mercedes and Ashe. Log input number three - subject - Food.”

“All right, Ashe.” Ingrid made sure the alien was watching as she gestured towards the freckle faced boy. She then looked to the other two girls. “Mercedes, Annette, are you ready?"

“Yes!” Annette grinned, taking the alien’s arm and tugging her towards the counter next to Sylvain. The girl paused, as if suddenly remembering something. “O-Oh! Here you go, Ingrid."

Sylvain raised a brow when Ingrid nodded back, only to repeat the scientist’s name again. He couldn’t help but feel like he was missing something here…

Once they got the alien situated next to Sylvain, Mercedes and Annette quickly gathered around for a closer look. They all waited, watching the mint haired girl stare back with a neutral look. Mercedes touched the woman’s back, causing the alien to turn and look at her gentle expression.

“It’s okay,” Mercedes encouraged. “You can have anything you like.”

The communications rested his chin on his hand, watching the display with mild curiosity as the green eyed woman continued on with her blank stare. If he was going to be honest, her face was a bit creepy. There was never a clear expression there and whatever face she did make was sometimes so subtle that it was impossible to read. Sylvain couldn’t help but be reminded of a porcelain doll the more he stared. Her face was both sharp and smooth; beautiful and pearly under the certain lighting, yet also gave off an eerie feeling of the unnatural.

Green eyes suddenly looked back at him, startling him out of his thoughts with giant, grassy green orbs. Sylvain swallowed, wondering if she was going to kiss him like she’d done to Dimitri. That wouldn’t be so bad. Her lips looked pretty soft too. Probably still moist and warm from her long lounge in the tub. He bet they tasted good too - something exotic and sweet~.

Sylvain felt disappointed when she looked away to look over the buffet, now finding the grey jello stuff more interesting then him. He ran a hand through his hair with a sigh, wondering why he even bothered coming here if she was just going to ignore him. Why did any of them bother? It’s not like she was trying to communicate with them. Just what were they even getting out of this?

He was pulled out of his thoughts again when Ashe gasped. The young engineer moved in closer with his camera and kept his eyes trained on the alien girl’s fingers as she palmed a lemon. There against the bright contrast of yellow, just as Sylvain said, were the alien’s green fingernails. They weren’t smooth and rounded like human nails. More so they were layered like worn seashells, ridged and almost sharp looking as they faded from dark jade to lime, like soft watercolors.

Sylvain grinned when the younger male suddenly looked at him with excitement, pointing to her nails and nodding as if they were sharing an inside joke. He snorted, I guess seeing Ashe act like this is kind of worth it…

But their smiles were short lived when the alien placed the fruit back down to stare at them once again - silent, blank, creepy.

Mercedes looked at the others with worry, “What do we do? She doesn’t even look interested in the food.”

Annette hummed, “Do we have anything else she might like?”

“Everything else we have has to be cooked,” Ingrid turned towards one of the tall, steel panels lining the wall. She laid her palm flat against the surface and watched as the grey panel slowly turn translucent. On the other side of the glass were shelves hidden behind a cold mist and ice that bordered the edges in tiny fractals. Each of these shelves was some of their more expensive kitchen items - frozen meats, drinks, emergency supplies, and even alcohol - all stored away for special occasions like birthdays, holidays, suicide missions.

A blue circle of light formed around Ingrid’s palm as the glass collected the data from her hand-print. Just a split second later, a series of charts and numbers scrolled down the glass, making the blonde gasp and try to hide it with her body. “D-Don’t look!!”

Sylvain’s eyes lit up with interest when he stood from his seat. “Was that your weight?! You eat way more then that!!”

“Sylvain!” Ingrid stepped away from the panel when cool air hissed out around the edges. Thankfully her health charts were gone so she didn’t have to hide all that anymore (who’s bright idea was it to take that setting off private?). The pilot pulled open the panel, cold mist puffing against her cheeks as she grabbed a packet of ground beef and a herring.

“Okay, which one of these-!!“ Ingrid jumped in surprise when the alien girl was suddenly at her side, her eyes wide and staring hard at the frozen fish. “O-Oh! Do you want this?” The woman was practically drooling when she snatched the fish out of poor Ingrid’s hands. Ashe suddenly yelled at her to wait, but the alien had already chomped down on the fish’s middle before dropping the frozen creature in shock. Mouth gaping and hands up as if she’d been burned, the woman looked around at them in confusion. Sylvain couldn’t help but laugh while Ingrid hurriedly picked the herring up.

“L-Let’s thaw it out first and then you can eat it, okay?”

But the alien showed no signs of understanding, merely held her hands to her mouth to touch her wiggling pink tongue.

“At least we know she likes fish,” Annette giggled along with Ingrid who placed the herring in a device above the stove. The blonde input a few numbers before starting the defroster and looking to the rest of the crew. Her eyes landed on the medical expert with a curious look.

“Do you think we should cook it, Mercedes?”

“Oh,” the other woman frowned thoughtfully, “Well…Ingrid, it seemed she was ready to eat it whether it was cooked or not.”

“Good point, Mercedes."

“Okay,” Sylvain’s face screwed up as annoyance bubbled up in his chest. “What are you guys doing?? Why are you repeating each other’s names???"

Ingrid quickly rounded on him, “Just butt out, Sylvain.”

“Yeah, Sylvain!” Annette added with a huff, “Butt out!”

The red head looked between them with wide eyes and wondered if he was in some bizarre nightmare. “S-Stop that!!”

Sylvain was thankful when the defroster finished with a ding, a puff of mist spilling out once it’s door popped open. They waited as the cloud evaporated before them, revealing the same fish they’d put inside, except no longer frozen. It’s scales shimmered beneath the device’s tiny spotlight like it was freshly caught from the lakes of Faerghus; a sight that didn’t go unnoticed by their alien friend as she sidled close. Ingrid grabbed the animal by the tail and held it up with a thoughtful frown.

“So…should I just give it to her?” The blonde looked around for an answer, “It just feels weird not to cook it.”

Annette shifted in place, finger on her chin as she ran through different case scenarios. “Well… We could avoid her getting sick if we do cook it. So I guess there wouldn’t be any harm.”

“Good,” Ingrid looked relieved. She wasn’t sure she could stomach watching someone eat a fish raw. Then she looked at the herring and bit her lower lip. “I don’t think I’ve ever cooked fish before…”

“Oh! I can do it,” Ashe lowered his tablet slightly, but made sure to keep it trained on the alien. “My dad used to own a restaurant. I helped out a lot around the kitchen, even as a little kid.”

Mercedes blinked in surprise, “I didn’t know that about you!”

The boy blushed, “It’s nothing really. I just have a little bit of experience, that's all.”

Ashe frowned as he looked at his tablet, wondering what to with it until Sylvain held out his hand. “I’ll take it. Can’t stop recording now, right? For science or whatever?”

“Oh! Thank you, Sylvain!”

The red head twitched, deciding not to comment on the emphasis on names again. He adjusted the device until he had everyone in view before giving them a wave. “Say extraterrestrial!”

“Can you please take this seriously?” Ingrid huffed as Ashe grabbed an apron and a pan from one of the cabinets.

“I am being serious, Ingrid.” Sylvain gave her a cheeky grin, his camera hand following the alien girl as she walked around his childhood friend with eyes trained on the hanging fish. “I’m making sure our viewers catch every captivating detail.”

“Well, you sure aren’t-AHHH!!!”

Everyone in the kitchen jumped in surprise, Ashe’s pan and spatula falling to the floor with a clatter, Mercedes and Annette gasping, and Sylvain jumping out of his seat as he caught it all on camera. The alien had surged forward at the hanging fish, her mouth latching onto the creature’s gills with rows of sharp teeth. Her head jerked back, making Ingrid recoil and drop it to cover her mouth in horror. The mint haired girl grabbed the bottom of the fish and pulled hard, severing it’s head with the fervor of a wild beast before she swallowed it whole.

“Oh my!”

Ingrid covered her mouth and hid behind Mercedes, “I think I’m going to be sick…”

Soon the girl was tearing into the rest of the fish, her tiny, prickly teeth tearing at it’s scales for a brief moment before she reared her head back. Ingrid choked back her nausea as they saw the alien’s throat bob as something seemed to move forward to grab a hold of her meal and pull it down.

“A-Are you getting this!?” Ashe gasped while his eyes grew wide in wonder.

“Yeah,” Sylvain swallowed. “Unfortunately…”

“This is amazing! I’ve never seen anything like it!”

Sylvain glanced over at the gushing boy and wished he could be as happy about this as him. Because this was just gross.

So very, very gross. ~~~ ♫ when you're down by the sea and an eel bites your knee that's a moray! ♫ ~~~

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