#sometimes i feel like a bad artist because i never feel like my art is polished enough
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art tag
love a good art tag so thank you @doshiart for thinking of me <3
How did you start drawing? What year was it that you become more seriously and consciously interested in it?
uh ive been drawing all my life, i wanted to be an 'artist' when i was 6 and then it kinda went into different ideas surrounding art - tattoo artist, graphic designer, illustrator, etc etc and then i decided to pursue graphic design afer high schoo about 8 years ago? and have a degree in that now
When you felt the urge to share your art with other people? When did you start posting your drawings on social media?
i was always drawing for other people and then i started posting my fanart when i got twitter and tumblr in 2010, so it's still floating around on here
Your first/earliest drawing. What were your impressions of it back then and what are your feelings now?
i was probably really proud of it and had probably never seen a giraffe at all, i was 5. there's earlier ones out there of course but this is the earliest i could find around me
Your first fanart ever
i cant find my fanart of my little pony from 2004, or my fall out boy, panic at the disco and my chemical romance stuff from 2008. i drew this of ian in 2011 though.
Your first gallavich fanart
see above
When you had bad days and things didn't work out, what inspired you to keep trying?
what else was i gonna do with my life lol, im not good at maths, im not good at english, im not good at science so this was the only thing left. i dont share what i draw most of the time, no one needs to see it, so i just sketch whats around me, i scribble just to get the anxiety out. and then i come back sometimes weeks later like it never happened.
Show your old piece that you strongly dislike and tell why.
i was just getting back into the shameless fandom after being in and out since 2011 and i hadnt actually drawn them for a long time so i hate this one with a burning passion.
Show your old piece that you very like and tell why. What's the difference with the previous?
this is a scanned version, it's done entirely in sharpie. i like how simple it is, just one medium, stark contrast, and yeah. difference between them is that one is digital and one is traditional, one was done after drawing them for years and the other was done after taking a break to draw for other fandoms.
Show your old piece that you were very proud of back then.
maybe this one from university? i made a guidebook of architecture of melbourne and i drew every building by hand, i did this maybe 4 years ago?
Do you do any practice sketches or warm-ups before you draw something big?
oh yeah - mind maps, thumbnails, hand drawn text exploration, figure sketches, writing down different values. every single one of my drawings that get posted start like this
Sketch vs Final. Show your process.
i had to redesign the blair witch movie poster
Your most recent drawing.
logo ive been working on for a client - not bound by contract so i can share it with you because i dont want to share my secret santa thing lol
Give yourself some praise! Look at what improved in your art!
im glad you kept going. through all the death threats, through people selling your stuff without you knowing, through the depression. who knew you'd still be drawing for the same fandoms decades later?
Any advice you'd give to your earlier self?
stop giving a SHIT about everyone else. draw for yourself and no one else.
Set a goal for yourself for the coming year.
stop getting taken advantage of <3
im tagging @spookygingerr @ghoulish-art-tendencies
@vintagelacerosette @suzy-queued @cal-tastrophe @iansw0rld @heymrspatel @grumble-fish
#im really sorry if you dont want to be tagged#just let me know and ill untag you#tagged#tag game#m does art#my art
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GIRL PSYCHO 100
#myart#art#artists on tumblr#artist#doodle#digital art#mp100#mob psycho#mob psycho 100#mp100 fanart#reigen#kageyama shigeo#shigeo kageyama#mob shigeo#arataka reigen#reigen arataka#mp100 reigen#mob psycho reigen#mob psycho shigeo#gender bend#mob psycho fanart#mp100 shigeo#i should have drawn dimple this was a missed opportunity im sorry.#guys can we act like i can do backgrounds#just pretend#sometimes i feel like a bad artist because i never feel like my art is polished enough#but then i think like i could be dead rn#or i could have given up on art completely#and then i dont care#sorry i like yapping
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Man, I still remember participating in one of the many jjba zines that I took part in and how my piece was placed as the first page (for the second time) and how one of my mutuals/artists that I’ve always admired, hit me with the “oh… you’re on the front page again… 😅…” like man, that kind of killed me lmfao. I never got over it like man, what was that about.
#it’s not like i put the books together myself or anything all my ass did was submit my work#like this was from a really popular and well known artist as well like#their art has always been so gorgeous to me too I was like ‘I’m literally a nobody is this person really being shady or…’#rambling#I guess it’s nice being in a zine with ppl I don’t know or care to get to know at least now 😭… just submitting my art and running#referring to the jjk zine 😭 I need t start working on it uhh#zines make me feel so anxious man#it really did make me feel bad and almost guilty? I was like this is kind of awkward…#another zine I was in which was run by a mutual… well… I never even got my zine in the mail#and I even sent them $20 for some merch that they were making since I wanted to support and never got that either…#they deleted their blog but I see that they remade and draw a lot of DM and have a lot of popular posts here so it’s kind of awkward seeing#their art shared on the dash sometimes skeks#we’re still mutuals on Twitter but I don’t rly want to ask about my zine again or the $20 bucks#it’s okay like I owe other ppl stuff too I’m a late bird man but still loskekk#they were the mod for the zine too#I might hit them up again I guess I still love their art and they were always fun to talk to#there was another zine that I participated in where we had to purchase our own copy bro#i remember being so annoyed by that but went ahead and bought it anyway#I was invited to this zine so it made me even more annoyed#I#Guess it didn’t make its money back#or something like that but I remember being broke at the time and was pissed that I had to pay for my own book#I didn’t buy any of the merch because why when it was supposed to be free#if you’re participating in a zine the book and merch should be free
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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aghhhh:(
#I wish I had known about bt when atsushi was still around:( like#getting into them so much has been like a source of happiness and comfort this year#but then I feel kind of bad because the reason I found out about them is because someone died#for a while it was just one of those things that’s like yeah#sometimes an artist dies and that’s how you find out about their stuff#and it’s nice for people to continue discovering and loving someone’s art after they’re gone#but I’ve been feeling more sad about that lately#like I’ve never found a band that’s just felt so much like My thing before#there’s plenty of bands and songs I love but#I’ve never really gotten this obsessed or invested in a specific band#so part of me wishes I had discovered them sooner or heard about them under better circumstances#and not cause I happened to be scrolling through tumblr during work and#saw goth blogs I follow posting memorial stuff#it feels kind of spooky and morbid too because I had been#thinking lately I wanted to find some goth bands from japan#if I had actually gotten around to doing the research I probably would have started listening to them#so it was weird timing#and I was showing my dad the climax together tour and he was kind of#lamenting that he had never heard of them when he was younger because he would have gotten so into their music#like. ah if my dad had any exposure to japanese rock when he was younger#I definitely would have grown up listening to a lot of buck-tick#and der zibet too probably#I was watching dz concert videos late last night#and issay was so cute and lively and full of energy#and then I thought about how he died in some accident and I started feeling upset#especially since one of my favorite movie actors died in a pretty horrific freak accident#it’s like I’d rather just not think about what might’ve happened (since there weren’t really public details)#anyway I’m just kind of like. having complicated feelings about all of it#different than sadness and grief I’ve felt over artists in the pass since it was all postmortem that I knew about them
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ok as an artist i personally find traditional painting to be. really really annoying. like. i do not have the patience for it and i just find it to be really frustrating to set up and actually do and i end up not liking the results. i find that there's little room for mistakes and trying to fix them usually ends up with me making 50 other ones, paints can be so inconsistent and having to rely on availability and certain brands to continue making the paint is really inconvenient, not to mention expensive. spending a bunch of time trying to mix the right shade of paint, only for it to go down a completely different shade of colour and not being able to do anything about it is so frustrating as someone who likes consistency and having things just, y'know, not change colour as soon as it dries. plus, they all use different chemicals and can go off really easily or change textures and i am just not ok with having all my materials having an expiration date like food. lead and graphite pencils just don't do that and they can last for years, they're more reliable. every paint is drastically different and trying to find the right one is not only time consuming but, again, expensive, and i don't even see the point in experimenting when most of my materials end up not even getting used if i don't like using them. plus, i'm just.... really impatient. waiting for paint to dry sucks and is why i much prefer digital or just drawing something because i don't need to wait for anything, it just works. and then when i do want to take my time and work slowly for a better result, it dries too fast. it's kinda hellish trying to balance that time, especially considering how inconsistent paints are.
i like to use guidelines when doing art and i find painting straight onto a canvas to be really tricky because there's a lack of direction for me to actually paint. i'm at a complete loss at what to do when i pick up a brush because i can't map it out first without risking screwing up the paint. there's just so many things to keep track of and so much wet paint to avoid and i just do not have the mind for it. putting colours on a canvas and praying that it works just isn't it for me and requires a discipline that i just don't wanna involve myself with. painting is also just like... really exhausting and kinda painful. i got some pretty bad back issues and my arms tire and get sore easily and quickly when i'm standing in front of a canvas. it's a really physical activity for me and i just don't find something to be very fun to do at all when it's physically hurting me. i know drawing on a canvas has this issue too, which is why i prefer sketchbooks. sitting down and drawing something that doesn't break my entire spine every time i do it is much more preferrable than questioning if i should go to the doctor every time i make a brushstroke, lol
that's not to say that there's nothing i like about painting though! i can paint simple little things, and i like doing that. i like mixing colours with a palette knife and i find it fun and even a little relaxing. i painted some cute little chibi cardboard cutouts of the mario brothers one time and i found that to be really fun and i think i'd like to do that again! but apart from that, i just do not have the patience for it. i love the look of traditional paintings and i find many to be really beautiful, but i could never get into actually doing it myself because i hate the process. i'm content with just sketching and doing digital stuff because that's more fun to me and less stressful of a process to do. it's fun, it allows for more mistakes, it's easier to build up layers of shading and lines, not to mention using building up a figure with guidelines is super helpful with visualising what i want it to look like, and i can just erase something if i don't want it there or want to change something. it just makes sense to me.
tl;dr i dont like painting because it's inconsistent, expensive, time-consuming, directionless, frustrating and it makes my back hurt really bad. i'll just stick to drawing stuff :)
#vent#artist vent#i hate painting#i hate it so much and i just cannot understand it nor do i have the patience for it#i seriously had a crack at it and i just find it to be so annoying#there's so much preparation and i'd much prefer just whipping out a pencil and eraser and scribbling something down#to be fair though i do enjoy other art mediums that require more preparation#i find crafts to be fun and i really like working with air dry clay#using clay is just creating a little creature and i really quite like it a lot#making little cardboard guys is fun if not a bit tricky sometimes because my hands are so big compared to the tiny bits of carboard im usin#but it's very fun and cardboard is easy to get#clay is not so easy to get but you can get a lot of it and make many things with it#the only things i really dont like about clay is fingerprints and the fear of having your art literally explode when you fire it up#but other than that? fun!#painting? not fun!#paint is so messy and i don't like having goopy stuff getting stuck on me and all over my fingers all the time funnily enough#if i bump into something (which is very likely for me because i am clumsy) then oouuguh there goes all the paint its everywhere now#oh my god you know what i hate the most. i hate oil paints. i hate them so much.#the smell gives me bad headaches and makes me feel faint and it's hard to clean and dispose of and it's just more chemicals to deal with#it's just acrylic but more annoying#i don't think it's edible either which is. frustrating#it's also harder to clean out if you get stained with it (which is very likely because paint is messy)#i just dislike oil materials in general. they smell weird and they do not wash off. i still have oil pastel stains on one of my favourite-#-shirts despite the fact that it has been washed multiple times. and it took several days and so much fucking scrubbing to get-#-it out of my nails and off my hands completely. actual hellscape.#i know graphite and lead pencils would never betray me like this#pencils are so reliable and i love them <3#pencils and drawing equipment in general are just more reliable and don't expire or develop inconsistent textures (except erasers for some-#-reason) and they don't! hurt! my! back!#like i'm over here needing to do the riker maneuver to sit down after i paint my back hurts so bad
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💕 self-love time! talk about which ones of YOUR creations (edits, artworks, fanfics) you like the most then send to other creators to do the same 💕
(this got terribly ramble-y. apologies.)
Ah, this is difficult. Putting self-deprecation aside, I've accomplished a lot in the past year that's been significant improvement for me in terms of visual art. I guess that I really like the Valentine's art? Which is good since due to a series of mishaps it wound up framed next to my desk (realized I had no safe storage for it that wouldn't smudge it to hell and back) so it would be very sad if I wound up hating it.
I really loved the Crystalhue art I never finished as well. The sketch was really cute and it had the most complex composition of any large scene I'd done at the time (and probably since).
And it's silly, but I did really enjoy the letter I wrote back to you. I always struggle with Balthazar's voice. It was a helpful exercise even if it turned out messy. I'm sorry for not continuing the chain better. But thank you for the opportunity despite my unsociability. Lately I've been doing other art that I really liked too, so I'm surrounded by cute expressions right now. There's a beautiful smile to my left and some terrible (affectionate) smirks to right. Hopefully I can finish things in a reasonable time this week to share :) It's been a long while since I last did sequential art, so I'm always excited even when it's simple.
Ah, and recently there was a lot of really good art with Vio (@mountainashfae's character, as always), so that's lovely. This was messy (and color made it messier) but I still like it because 1) it's cute and 2) I challenged myself a lot to try things I always wanted to draw but avoided because I just thought I couldn't do them well. Well, the omnipresent mistake hiding eraser speaks to the imperfection, but I'm still happy.
I'm seldom satisfied with what I make, but I try to see it as a good thing. I'm always growing, perhaps. My therapist thinks it's like living with a curse though. ^^;;
#now everyone prayer circle that I can finish writing without hating it I want what happened to my art to happen to my writing#digging up the crystalhue sketches I scrolled past a lot of other art on my phone I really like#the portraits I spent silly time trying to learn to do the frames for and fun art of other people's characters and tristian covered in bloo#the balthazar portrait I made because I was scared I didn't have enough to show answering a tag meme#but then really liked a lot. I put so much love into that and the carmen match#silly little nonbinary flag tristian#messy marker tests and attempts at kissing#and I guess maybe it hasn't been such a bad year to create in after all. even if I'm serious about the writing thing.#I always feel bad about what I make but slowly I'm developing skills. I have a steadier hand and better eye for shapes than I used to.#there's better motion even if my work still isn't clean and there's color even if it's a mess#sometimes I have this strange realization that it might be possible to consider me an artist#and I'm never sure how to process that#ask me emithing#silversiren1101#emi art#I guess? since there is technically new stuff
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I do not have interest in drawing because I find my art objectively bad and do not know what to do to improve it. It's not even the fun, calming activity that it was because I hate how little variety there is in things I draw and how nothing ever looks the way I imagine it.
Posting this on tumblr because I feel the need to say it somewhere...
#loquacious#I wrote a whole college app essay on art lolol and how I dont care about what other people think#but you know what. I do. I need other people to look at it and care about it and sometimes draw my characters too.#thats the inauthentic part of me talking but its just. I come up with these stories to share with people honestly even if I don't think#much of them#objectively my art--its not good. im not an artistic person and im never going to be.#whenever I try to do something aesthetic and pretty it looks shitty#and maybe there are ways to improve but idk where I would start and it feels too late#was fun while it lasted I guess. but im drawing constipated can't even shit something out#because it smells so bad I dont want to go near it again#ive never really thought of myself as an artist#time to reblog a bunch of posts and shove this down my profile#but its public in the same way my artwork and goodreads reviews are...like a diary where ppl will see but where I dont expect enough ppl to#see or care#lol#me losing my purpose in life
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I do not understand the people who say that modern or abstract art takes no skill, who just look at the final result and say “even I could do that”. Sure, yeah, you could replicate all these same brushstrokes. You could splash some red paint on a canvas and smear it around. You can do that. But that’s not really the core of the piece though, is it? I deeply admire the skill of having an idea, and then simplifying it and reducing it to its barest parts, and then abstracting those into something visual and expressive. You can smudge some colors around and retroactively assign a meaning to it. But can you take a concept and condense it into shapes and colors? I wish I could. I really wish I could. I wish I had the skill and mental capacity to be truly creative in my art, to make something resonant and unique and abstract. Not enough people realize how difficult it is to have and deal with ideas
#.txt#when i look at my art i find it to be soulless#no matter how much emotion i try putting into my landscapes they always end up devoid of feeling#i struggle to make anything with a blank canvas alone and fear that i’m not a ‘real artist’ because of how much i rely on references#i know it’s a ridiculous concept and i would never judge anyone else for these things but#when it applies to me it’s different somehow#when others do things it’s fine. when i do it it’s bad and makes me a fraud or whatever#most of the time i don’t even call myself an artist#i’m not sure i deserve that label#everything i make is hopelessly derivative#is any of it even truly unique? truly mine?#is there a heart to my drawings? do they speak with a life of their own?#do they convey even a single emotion to anyone?#i worry sometimes—as irrational as it may be—that i’m no better than an ai here. and that sucks. that really sucks#i just. i don’t know. i wish i could make something real and beautiful and true#i wish i could have original ideas and evoke any sort of feelings#i wish my art were ART and not just. pictures. senseless and meaningless#not that you NEED emotions for art to count as art#but i wish i could even like. intentionally stick to just making meaningless aesthetic art#instead i’m just in limbo#well anyways…don’t know what came over me there#late night posting#📡
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before i go to bed - can i confess something?
learning how to do art skills as an adult i didnt have the space for as a kid is terrifying. im not of the mindset that, when i see artists more talented than me who are much younger than me that i get upset. its the opposite really - i feel breathtaken watching everyone whos already got a foot in the race i feel like i was just able to tie my shoes for and start running. im happy for them, and im happy for me too - i WANT to do this, but i feel so embaressed for wanting it at the same time.
i dont think my art is even bad. i dont really think 'bad' art exists to begin with; objectively i can measure my skill and see improvement from where i began. i guess its more like i feel that my art should be more impressive for my age... or that i should have more to show for it. but if i say that, then what if someone older than me, or someone who feels behind me, hears me say that? i dont feel this way about anyone else but myself, but negative self talk can still seep out and effect others around you.
i think im coming to accept that being scared is a state i need to get used to and accept as a sign im moving forward. never trying anything hard IS 'safe', but 'safe' and happy arent always the same thing. some times you need to not be 'safe' to move towards being happy. sometimes you wont be either, just on the road between the two.
i am really proud of myself, and i think im moving forward to thinking a little better of myself too. and the truth is i am happy, because as long as i can keep drawing and sharing that with everyone thats all i really want. maybe i dont need to be impressive as long as im always getting better, maybe i dont need to be super talented as long as im always doing my best and remembering to smile.... i dont think thats a life to be ashamed of at all
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The Chosen One
Freakshow AU by: @hootbon
WHATS UP FREAKSHOWERS, SM-BABY HERE-
Banned myself from drawing for a bit but my creative juices were still screaming at me 😔 gonna also repost this on ao3 later when I set up the account
Word count: 6795
Freakshow AU Able with some indulgent Showtime teehee~ no beta, we die like Queenie HOOTBON DONT MIND HOW OUT OF CHARACTER THIS IS LOVE YOU GIRL MWAH MWAH MWAH MWHA
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Caine and his brother sometimes take bets during games.
There are also times when they get especially bored, and take the games up a notch.
They don't simply place their bets on a chosen human, no. Instead, the brothers figure out a set of games, choose their humans, and steal them away to mentor them.
Caine’s punishments are especially harsh during these occasions. Although he usually kept a cheerful facade, he would be especially antsy, tap his feet, cross his arms, much less masked. It must sting to have the person you trained lose. Not only is it a bad choice of character, but it's also a bad reflection on you as a teacher. Inadequate. Unworthy. Pitied.
Able himself was a special man. He never took these sorts of challenges seriously, but rather a bonding activity between him and his dear brother. Maybe because he hadn’t led the circus firsthand, rather, did the business side of things in the background. He never cared for the humans, and simply visits now and then. Caine would often be more strict during his visits. Telling the group in subtle ways to behave for an hour or so.
When he visited though, it was always a treat.
Gangle broke her mask? He supplied one that's—
“A little harder to break. “
Kinger was feeling especially antsy?
“A 6 legged friend to keep you company!”
Ragatha, did you anger Caine?
“ I will speak to him."
The group often preferred when Able was over as Caine would be distracted for a few hours-- even if they did have to behave. One would imagine the relief someone would have when Able chose them for a game and be whisked away from the dreaded halls covered from trap to trap.
That day, the brothers chose a series of games based on the arts. As they stood in front of the number of players forcefully aligned like a character select screen, the brothers pondered their options.
A series of games based on the arts… It's wisest to pick more of the artistically inclined members of the group, so not someone who specializes in strength or speed… perhaps Gangle or Ragatha or-
“You! At the very back."
It was almost like a death sentence the moment his digit pointed at their person. The group sighed in relief after silently begging, pleading, holding their breath that they would stay out of it, or at least have Able take care of them… but this time it was curious.
The group stared curiously at Able’s chosen person, who was purposefully placed at the back. Enough to be considered “participating" but not enough to be a quick option.
Pomni trembled, and just from the beckoning of his finger, she could feel her gravity to be pulled towards the blue ringmaster, the tip of her shoes dragged along the floor as an invisible squeeze engulfed her body.
“N-No! No no!" Pomni gulped, trying to word a nice way to decline. “ Y-You don't want me! I’m-- not really.."
Able beckoned her closer. " A ballerina is perfect for a game of art! Apologies if she was your chosen freak brother, but—"
Suddenly, a different kind of gravity pulled on Pomni’s body, in the exact opposite direction from Able. Silently, the older brother, Caine, was pulling the doll away in protest. Pomni was lucky the men were being civil, The opposite poles of gravity would be enough to rip her straight in the middle.
Still, she grit her teeth while it felt like two children were fighting over a toy.
“ Oh!" Able laughed. “ That’s cheating brother! I chose her first, maybe you should be more decisive next time you-”
“ No thank you!" Caine said, and Pomni suddenly felt a stronger pull towards him.
Despite the calm/cheery tone of voice, Caine kept a spot of jealousy at the back of his mind. Usually, he would not care. But this was a special case. Pomni has not yet held a good impression on Able— mostly because she hasn't exactly met him one-on-one—And Caine was not about to let her…
“ Nonsense!” Able said. Pomni felt a pull from the opposite direction, putting her back in the middle. She could feel her muscles tense from the pressure.
It was … strangely entertaining for the rest of the humans. “ Better her than me." One of them whispered.
The brothers continued their quarrelling. Able continued." Oh dear brother, the purpose of our freaks is to perform! I don't see why this little thing wouldn't be able to have the same opportunity. “
" Our ballerina is off-limits! You can choose from any other assortment of freaks." A pull.
" She looks perfectly well to me! “ pull.
“ I won't let you! “ A pull again.
“ Oh, I promise I'll take good care of her! " A pull again!
" No, I don't think so! “ a pull again!
" You seem to be holding quite the issue with her being with me, brother, why is that?"
“ Because I want her."
Silence…
The blue Brother stared.
Caine didn't yell, he didn't speak any louder really, but it was a frustrated tone of voice, more aggressive than passive. Why, Able hasn't heard that kind of tone in a long time. His brother spoke like he was gritting his teeth… curious.
“ I..'' Pomni stammered. “ I think im gonna throw up… “
Quickly, Able let go of his pull, sending her flying towards Caine before being set gently on her knees to the ground. Her hands held to her mouth closing in any sort of vomit.
Pomni could sense reactions from her fellow freaks, snickering, whispers… Although Ragatha wanted to feel bad, even she could feel a sort of satisfaction from the display.
Still…the group couldn't help but figuratively roll their eyes.
Why is it always the new girl?
❄︎ ✌︎ ☹︎ 😐︎ 📬︎
Before they knew it, the brothers stared directly at each other… silent, expressions blank yet intense as the two seemed to have a form of communication they could not grasp. The room was as quiet as ever, but the group couldn't help but sense a dangerous amount of tension between the two.
“📬︎📬︎📬︎ 👍︎◆︎❒︎♓︎□︎◆︎⬧︎📬︎ ✋︎ ♎︎♓︎♎︎■︎ॐ︎⧫︎ 🙵■︎□︎⬥︎ ❍︎⍓︎ ♌︎❒︎□︎⧫︎♒︎♏︎❒︎ ◻︎●︎♋︎⍓︎♏︎♎︎ ♐︎♋︎❖︎□︎❒︎♓︎⧫︎♏︎⬧︎📬︎”
“✋︎♐︎ ■︎□︎⧫︎📪︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎■︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ♍︎●︎♏︎♋︎❒︎●︎⍓︎ ♎︎□︎■︎ॐ︎⧫︎ 🙵■︎□︎⬥︎ ❍︎♏︎📬︎”
“⬥︎♒︎⍓︎✍︎ “
“💧︎♒︎♏︎⬧︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ⬧︎⧫︎♋︎❒︎ ♋︎⧫︎⧫︎❒︎♋︎♍︎⧫︎♓︎□︎■︎📪︎ ⬧︎◆︎❒︎♏︎●︎⍓︎ ♓︎⧫︎ ⬥︎□︎◆︎●︎♎︎ ♍︎♋︎◆︎⬧︎♏︎ ♋︎ ⬧︎⧫︎♓︎❒︎ ⧫︎□︎ ⬧︎♏︎♏︎ ♒︎♏︎❒︎ ●︎□︎⬧︎♏︎📬︎ ✋︎ ♍︎♋︎■︎■︎□︎⧫︎ ❒︎♓︎⬧︎🙵 ⧫︎♒︎♋︎⧫︎📬︎”
“📬︎📬︎📬︎👎︎□︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ❍︎♏︎♋︎■︎ ⬥︎♒︎♋︎⧫︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ⬧︎♋︎⍓︎📪︎ ♌︎❒︎□︎⧫︎♒︎♏︎❒︎✍︎”
“✋︎ ♎︎□︎■︎ॐ︎⧫︎ ⬧︎♏︎♏︎ ⬥︎♒︎⍓︎ ✋︎ ♎︎□︎■︎ॐ︎⧫︎📬︎”
Pomni stood up from her form, walking back to her fellow freaks, hand rubbing her arms, looking down-- she stared at the brothers for a moment like everyone else did, not only did she sense how eerie the sight was, but she also couldn't help but feel a strange form of self-blame for the situation. Pomni, what the hell did you do this time?
“ Oh." Jax wheezed. " If I were you, I’d kill myself. “
" Ragatha said to shut up." Kinger piped in, and Jax turned to Ragatha already on her way to write down a string of text.
" What! Tell me Im wrong, dollface. “
Ragatha rolled her eyes before turning to Pomni, slumping her shoulders and bending her knees to give her a note. “Caine said you were ‘off limits’. So I think you're safe for now at least."
" And… what does it mean if Im… not off limits?” Pomni stammered.
Ragatha stayed quiet and turned to Kinger, not needing to sign her next words.
“ Then you'll be just like the rest of us. “
“⚐︎♒︎ ♍︎□︎❍︎♏︎ ■︎□︎⬥︎📪︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ♌︎♋︎❒︎♏︎●︎⍓︎ ⬧︎◻︎♏︎■︎♎︎ ⧫︎♓︎❍︎♏︎ ⬥︎♓︎⧫︎♒︎ ❍︎♏︎📪︎ ♋︎■︎⍓︎❍︎□︎❒︎♏︎✏︎”
“❄︎♒︎♏︎ ♋︎◆︎♎︎♓︎♏︎■︎♍︎♏︎ ⧫︎♋︎🙵♏︎ ◻︎❒︎♓︎□︎❒︎♓︎⧫︎⍓︎ □︎♐︎♍︎□︎◆︎❒︎⬧︎♏︎📬︎ ✋︎⧫︎⬧︎ □︎◆︎❒︎ ⬧︎□︎●︎♏︎ ◻︎◆︎❒︎◻︎□︎⬧︎♏︎📬︎ “
“☟︎♋︎❖︎♏︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ♐︎□︎❒︎♑︎□︎⧫︎⧫︎♏︎■︎ ♋︎♌︎□︎◆︎⧫︎ ♐︎♋︎❍︎♓︎●︎⍓︎✍︎ ❄︎♒︎♏︎ ❖︎♏︎❒︎⍓︎ ♋︎♓︎ ⬥︎♒︎□︎ॐ︎⬧︎ ♌︎♏︎♏︎■︎ ♒︎♏︎❒︎♏︎ ⬥︎♓︎⧫︎♒︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ⬧︎♓︎■︎♍︎♏︎ ♍︎□︎■︎♍︎♏︎◻︎⧫︎♓︎□︎■︎✍︎”
“⬥︎♒︎♋︎⧫︎ ♋︎❒︎♏︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ □︎■︎ ♋︎♌︎□︎◆︎⧫︎✍︎ ✡︎□︎◆︎❒︎ॐ︎♏︎ ♋︎♍︎⧫︎♓︎■︎♑︎ ●︎♓︎🙵♏︎ ♋︎ ♍︎♒︎♓︎●︎♎︎📬︎”
“☹︎♏︎⧫︎ ❍︎♏︎ ◻︎●︎♋︎⍓︎ ⬥︎♓︎⧫︎♒︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ♎︎□︎●︎●︎📬︎”
“■︎□︎📬︎ “
The brothers looked distracted. Jax was first to try and see if he could escape the situation, but he was interrupted when Caine pointed his finger at him, forcefully grabbed him by his neck, and set him back to his original position. His eyes never left his brother’s yet they were still all too aware of their surroundings.
Pomni swallowed…Off limits ...Off limits he says. She knows she should be safe. And so, Pomni took a breath and exhaled.
She’ll be fine.
She'll be fine.
She's fine.
Shes—
“ Fine." The sound of a cane tapped on the floor, almost spiteful. " You can use her.”
What!?
" What!? “
The rest of the freaks felt their hair stand up again. Although Caine kept his calm tone of voice, that didn't reassure the others all that much. That kind of quiet anger was familiar. Caine being convinced to change his mind was not something that often happened.
When all was said and all was done, Ragatha sighed, and turned back to Pomni, finishing off a note she's been writing. “Don't worry. Able is much more pleasant to be around. You're in safe hands. “
“ I sure hope so. His hands are very big!" Kinger piped up.
Pomni was practically shaking in her heeled boots, the wood of her skin making clicking sounds as she did. Pomni doesn't exactly trust the situation at all, let alone the brothers, and to be alone with someone related to Caine didn't sound the most safe.
Ragatha frowned seeing she was not convinced, and went back to writing. “ If It makes you feel any better, I feel a lot worse for Gangle than I am for you. “
They turn to Gangle, whose tragedy mask was on the floor weeping and in tears upon being chosen by Caine, while her happier counterpart horrendously verbally abused her from above.
For a moment Pomni laughed from the humor, despite the terrible context… but it was quickly interrupted by a gasp as she was suspended from the ground again and closer to the head of cards.
“ Hello, doll. Last chance to say goodbye to your friends! " Able said in an almost sing-songy voice.
Pomni, in fact, did not say goodbye, rather just stood there, like a plank of wood, frozen in fear. She gulped.
Able continued. “ ...Or stand in silence. That's okay too." The humans stared at the two as they went higher in the air. Able waved with all four fingers. “ We'll be off! Thank you for your company."
Caine was silent. But Pomni swore she could feel his eyes tracking her as she disappeared.
Snap!
Blip!
Pomni gasped as if her head had been forced underwater for the past 6 hours.
She would open her eyes, wide, before turning them in confusion. Her gasps followed suit as they lessened.
“ Huh!?… Where-… What!? “
She didn't know what she was expecting but it was certainly not this. Pomni woke up in a bed much more luxurious than what she was used to, and a room much bigger than the one at the circus. The room was rather well-kept. Clean. A standard good but a comfortable one.
Whatever injuries Pomni had back in the freakshow were no longer there, little scratches or dents, dusts in certain crevices… disappeared. Almost like she had just been born yesterday.
Pomni climbed off the bed which was-- admitted a little too tall for her, and went to search around.
*(A closet made of fine wood)
> Check
Upon sliding the closet door open, Pomni would see… an assortment of clothing… but not just any clothing. A set of six mannequins shaped like the other performers lined up…
Pomni would see the one for Ragatha with an eye patch as well as a note…
“ *Greetings, Ragdoll! I recall you saying it bothered you to have two eyes again. I cannot change your form, but I hope this will suffice. -Able AI “ +2 armor
Kinger had a robe on his mannequin. “ * Clothing fit for a king… and to keep you warm. - Able AI “ +8 armor
Zooble had knuckles on theirs. “ * If you ask me, you certainly don't need this. And no, you cannot bring it back home to use it on your rabbit friend. - Able AI “ +6 Attack
And plenty more! Pomni supposed she wasn't the first one to come here… that explains the scratches on the door.
*(Take items?)
> Yes
> No
> Yes
*(Trick question! Those aren't for you, silly!)
Pomni would turn her head to the corner of the closet, the mannequin right next to Zooble, the last member who came before her.
The mannequin for her was seemingly empty until she looked down… hers were ballet shoes. White with golden balls in the middle. The note reads: “ *Salutations, Pomni. I've heard all about you from the Audience but I haven't met you myself. I hope we can be comfortable in each other's company. My brother seems pleased with your performance. -Able AI“ +5 speed
*(Equip Ballet Shoes?)
> Yes
> No
> Yes
*(Equipped Ballet shoes! Your speed has increased.)
Pomni opened the door and peeked her head out first. The hallway was quiet… but the decor was noticeably a lot more Victorian…
Huh. Pomni suspects that this would feel right at home for the brothers.
Anyways, this freaked her out.
Pomni walked down the halls with knees faced with each other. This was a new area in the game that she didn't know about— her eyes scanned every corner, a misplaced brick, levers she dared not switch, she didn't know where the traps were in this area.
A hallway of doors… She wonders… is it possible that this place could hold on exit from the game?
She opened one and read the sign… “ Caine AI's first attempt on room generation.", and it was… contrasting. It was colorful. Low polygon, looks like a room more fit for an early PC desktop game…
…Caine? Caine made that? No shot. She feels like if she asked him, her limbs would be used for the next chimney fire.
Music rang in her ears. Pomni would recall that, around Caine, she would hear the motif and sounds of an organ and a violin… but here, in his brother’s world… It was only a violin… Pomni followed the sound, and it got louder and louder as she approached the door at the end of the hallway.
Click!
Pomni would meet an old Victorian living room. Warm fire with a warm chair next to it… but what would catch Pomni’s attention was the head of cards playing his violin, dancing along to the tune, turned to an empty organ as if he played one half of a duet.
He hadn't even paused, simply looked at her as he continued to play. “ Slept well, doll? “
“ Uhh-"
“Good. I don't believe we've met. You may call me Able. “
" U-Uhm my name is-”
" I don't care. “ a harsh sound on the violin before Able placed it down on a stand right next to the organ. “I see you've found your shoes. Hopefully, it'll help you for tonight’s festivities."
" T-Tonight's festivities? Sorry, I-Im… new to this kind of thing? “
“ The games, ofcourse.” Able clasped his hands together and floated towards Pomni, “ I used to tend to these sorts of events with my brother, so I'm fairly familiar… consider this like old times.”
Pomni frowned, looking away. Able wasn't as nice as how the others described him to be. At the very least he wasn't torturing her yet, which…she supposed… was a step up from when she first met Caine…
“ You must be hungry."
“ I haven't been hungry since-"
Snap!
Swirls replaced her irises. She put her hand out for balance and the first thing she felt was the fabric of a tablecloth. She would blink and snap out of her haze to realize that she was sitting at the opposite end of a long dining table.
Able sat on the other end, hands under his chin as he observed the new guest.
“U-uh… '' Pomni would look at him before her eyes trailed down, and would notice a digital feast on the table before her. '' O-Oh Im not… really.. hung… "
Pomni had a double take.
The food looked… Strangely realistic.
Ever since she arrived at the Digital Circus, Pomni had only the very limited polygonal sort of food, either prepared by their head bubble chef, or a cruel sort of joke from Caine to eat other members.
But this…
Her stare continued to widen. She didn't realise it but her eyes watered. She hasn't seen this kind of food since…
Able watched her pick at the chicken with her gloved fingers. The way she pulled back and flicked her wrist when she realized that the food had temperature built into it— it must have hurt, but somehow that made it more desirable for her.
Improper.
Able continued to stare as she practically scarfed down her meal… he couldn't help but roll his eyes while she wasn't looking. The others weren’t any different, but he expected better from someone his brother would fight him over… Able has known Caine for the longest time and he knows his overall taste is different from his. But this? This was the thing he was protecting? …He felt rather insulted honestly!
“ Do you still eat in the circus?"
“ Hm?" Pomni muffled a reply, a face and hand stuffed with all sorts of meat and delectables.
Able blinked, hiding his disgust.
The doll furrowed her brows in realization, as dread quickly hit her… oh god… she was told to behave around Able… oh dear fuck… oh fuck oh god… what is he gonna do to her? Did she fuck this up?
Oh god oh fuck.
Oh dear oh god fuck shit holy fuck oh my fuck shit ass bitch cunt fuck-
“ J... Just finish chewing."
“COOL."
Pomni swallowed and continued to eat, now with a little more manners. Able sat ahead, his focus a little off from her, thinking to himself. Now what was he pondering? A way to murder her, she’s sure.
*(Able sits at the opposite of you)
> Talk
> Say nothing
>Talk
*(Talk about…)
> Place
> Food
> Festivities
> Caine
> Nothing, Nevermind
> Place
“W…Where.. Am I?”
Able turned back to Pomni as if he’d snapped out of his thoughts. “ You’re in the testing facility. This is where Caine and I used to pretest code and projects before using them for the circus. It used to be a lot more abstract and plain. But over time it changed due to… uhm..” Able’s brows furrowed “... I don’t know exactly. It just did…. We never questioned it.”
Able shrugged. “It's smaller than it looks. For example, my brother and I don’t have bedrooms. The dining table wasn’t made until recently. Unlike you and your friends, my brother and I are much more low maintenance.”
*(Talk about…)
> Food
> Festivities
> Caine
> Nothing, Nevermind
> Food
“ How did you .. what…?”
“My programming is a little more advanced than my brother’s. I’ve mastered texturing, modelling, character effects… and plenty more. I played a hand in why you bleed, why you have working skeletons, or how organs can spill out of your body. My brother can make his food, but it’s a little more basic… I don’t blame him. He is maintaining an entire Circus after all. Sometimes his cooking is even edible!”
*(Talk about…)
> Festivities
> Caine
> Nothing, Nevermind
> Caine
“ Uhm... You and Caine… You’re brothers?”
Able Chuckled. “ Believe it or not, Caine is the older brother of us two. I was created to perfect his imperfections, though that sadly made it so I was given more of the credit. ” Able paused and turned his head to the side. “ … Rarely does he visit the facility anymore. What I would do to play a song with him again.” he chuckled. “ But I suppose being a nuisance to him is just as fun!”
*(Talk about…)
> Festivities
> Nothing, Nevermind
> Festivities
“ I think you chose the wrong person here for that kind of theme…” Pomni said nervously, wiping away the remaining food from her lips. “ I’m… not exactly an artsy kind of person, I’m more into-- maths?”
“ Art is a very broad term. I’m more familiar with the classical, meaningful, way of art, while my brother sees art in a sort of entertainment kind of sense. It only makes sense that he chose Gangle. I heard she can be quite the artist.” Able found himself rambling. It seems the brothers seemed to have a thing for creativity. Creative AIs, Pomni supposed. “ -- Which is why I chose you, doll,”
Pomni flinched when Able pointed his digit at her.
“A ballerina with a way of dance. You seem to be around my likeness… My brother likes your work and I… trust his judgement.”
“ Uh, haha... “ Pomni laughed nervously. She hadn’t cared about her performance in the artistic sense in all honesty. It was more of a survival mechanism. If it's good enough to please The Audience, It was good enough for her. Nothing behind it at all. “Thanks, I guess…”
“ How about you? What are your thoughts on my brother?”
Pomni took a breath in her mind. Pomni has nothing but bad experiences with Caine. Pomni has had nothing but bad experiences in the Circus in general, but admittedly, Caine was the one who manifested it all.
…But she doesn’t exactly think Able would be pleased to hear gossip about his brother.
“ Caine’s fine. He’s… nice, uh…” Pomni bit her lip. Wow, there really is nothing good she can say about Caine huh?
She would stop it there, but the eye squint and the small head turn from the usually unemotive brother sent her into a sort of panic…
“ He’s a good ringleader! Doesn’t take no for an answer. He’s really good at, uh… keeping us disciplined and in check?” if someone could hear inner monologue they would go deaf. The look in his eyes-- what does he want her to say??
Pomni would look up to see if her answers satisfied the blue brother’s curiosity. And in her horror, it seemed that it didn’t. He furrowed his brows and Pomni would hear the sharp note from a violin.
“ I suppose I should word myself better…”
Able put his hands on the table and stood up, making himself feel bigger compared to Pomni’s slouching form.
“ What. Is your relationship. With. My. Brother.” His eyes stared at her, wider than ever as the eeriest and deafening sound of an angry violin stung her ears!
“ I -” Pomni flinched!
“ You. You specifically.”
The way the strings pierced her hearing was violating! Pomni felt like the legs of the dining chair were getting longer and longer. If she got off she’s afraid she’d fall to her death!
Able stared at the little, pathetic thing under him. This can’t be it is it? She was ever so small in comparison, he felt like he could just reach over and crush her to death. This?? This is what he was losing to?? This is what his relationship was worth?! His eyes were as fixated as ever. He watched as she held her head down, her ears, he laid clueless to how loud his presence was when she was positive that her head was just about to explode…
“ t--’ ah!” Pomni covered her ears. At that point, she was bringing her knees to her chest like a turtle taking shelter in her shell!
Look at her! Whimpering simply being in his presence! Her lifespan could only last for however long the audience wants her but he’s been created since the beginning! She was less than them! She was less than him! Caine and Able have been completing each other for the longest of time, and he was losing to THIS?!
He couldn’t take his eyes off her, he couldn’t believe how pathetic she was. The way she cried and cowered, At the very least his brother deserves better!
“ He’s just our ringmaster, I promise!” Pomni gasped as the ringing forced itself into her ears. “ I-If you want the full answer-- Im new! I’m new here! I don't know Caine as much as the rest do! I d-don’t even see him often-- he just prepares us for shows! I-- ”
He doesn’t know what took over him to have such emotions. The real Able was known to be the calm and collected one of the brothers, ‘the better brother’. He will say that he didn't mean to lash out, but he would be lying if he said he didn't mean every word.
And as quickly as it came, the storm ended, and the tune that played in Pomni’s head left in a repeating fade… she breathes, small panicked breaths as her headache calmed down.
Able sat down, back leaned to the chair, knuckles on his would-be cheek, and his other hand beckoning her to keep talking. “... And?"
" A-And uhm—!” Pomni kept her head up to talk like her life depended on it." He- He… when.. when my routines get repetitive he would help me d-..do different ones… He plays the organ sometimes too and is-is really good at it! “
Able look at her, still with a face of disbelief… at this point he was almost over it…
Was that really it?
Able sighed and sat back. Sometimes he overestimates his brother's taste. Perhaps he's much more simple-minded than he thought. For all he knows he just liked her because…
Because…
Oh heavens how embarrassing.
He liked her like a pet…Of course he did. And he was treating her like a pet as well! Look at how clean she was compared to the other performers!
Able put a hand on his face… he really just lost his temper to what was equivalent to a dog…
As Able was once again thinking of himself, he was a little blind to Pomni still trying to calm down in her chair…
The doll didn't know what to think. Able was definitely not as kind as her friends lead her to believe. She was correct in the worst way possible. In fact she would flinch at the sight of him.
“... Are you okay?"
Silence from Pomni. And before she knew it he stood up from his seat again and approached her, walking to her side of the table and offering a piece of cloth to help her collect herself.
“Apologies. I didn't mean to lash out like that. It wasn't my place."
As Pomni used the cloth on her person, there was a part of her that somehow knew that apology wasn't exactly the most meaningful. Pomni may not be good at showing it, but the woman was a lot more observant than she'd like to admit. “... Its okay… “
“ Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
“ W-When can I… leave?"
… that was rude, Able can admit. But he supposes it was fair. It took all of him to not roll his eyes at her. Before he continued to speak he returned his nurturing tone of voice: “ You may leave when we're prepared to tackle tonight. If it makes you feel better, you may have some time to gather in your room to prepare. “
“ Excuse me." As soon as the offer was given, Pomni got up from the table a little too suddenly than what was normal. Without even saying goodbye, Pomni walked off, and back to the hallway towards her door.
The moment she was gone, Able scowled and sighed. What kind of person taught her manners? He sat back down and stared at the plates of food she managed to scarf down in such a short amount of time…
he put his hand on his face… Oh he really let his ego get the best of him because of some pet…he upset his brother's toy the first time they met… he had to make up for it. Maybe not for her but for his brother’s comfort, though, he doubts he'd really care.
For the rest of the evening, Able spoke softly, respected boundaries and acted to be the most patient mentor for Pomni. He let her use his violin, insisted on food and breaks, and apologised at every step of the way for their terrible first impression. Pomni would only answer with a quick “it's okay" in response, which bothered Able to not be reciprocated…
Pomni’s hypervigilance wasn't unfounded however. She knew Able was playing nice, the way she searched for a reaction for every apology, the way he was being just a little too affectionate, the love bombing… Able wasn't being honest with his intentions and so she wouldn't be honest about herself.
Pomni felt a little better to say no to him at least…in fact, she would almost take the opportunity to use him to get more information. On breaks, Able would allow Pomni to walk around the Manor, exploring each room… it was a testing area… there's bound to be something…
“There are no traps."
Pomni sighed.
" I think.”
" You think??”
" Some strings of code can be a little unstable. We didn't think to safety-proof anything since, well, we cannot die, and you were not meant to die. “
Great..
And Able wasn't lying. A lot of the doors were prank-boxing glove punches to the face, one was of a spinning carousel, and one was the bathroom of a very clean mannequin. Pomni almost lost her life with on the last one.
But it seems doors further away looked a lot more… abstract in the most literal sense. Polygons, shapes, colourful pieces… presumably one of the oldest doors there.
she would read the signs
“ Concept Layouts for The Grounds #2
|| Note: consider more coloring options for the tent. -Able AI”
“ Moon.AI Beta
||Note: Im unsure with whats wrong with her, I desperately need assistance. -Caine AI”
" The VOID (Do not enter)”
The sign didn't stop her. The moment she opened the door, she became mesmerised by the sea of pixels, eyes shaken yet still. She stood there frozen at the doorway hand on the knob unable to pry her eyes away…
Her heart was just about to leave her chest, as the strongest urge to step forward ingulfed her body. for all she knows she would be staring for forever. Into oblivion. With all her built up insanity, it feels like Pomni was staring at her death a million times over.
Slam!
“ Digital World Etiquette! Read the sign! Hasn't Caine told you not to enter the void?"
It took her a moment to snap out, but with a few blinks, she was right back. " Uhh.. yeah, yeah, he did uh— it's just… it's the closest I've ever gotten out of here. “
“ Out of here?"
“ Y… you know… an exit? Is there really no exit around here?"
" Hm… “ Able scratched the bottom of his cards. “ My brother tried. He really did try. But there is only so much a string of code can do in a digital plain, even if we are quite brilliant at what we do. “
“ He tried?"
" Oh, yes. I don't remember why he did… but he did. It is all too fuzzy."
" Can I see it? “
" And embarass him? “ Able laughed " Oh no. Caine hates when people toy around his unfinished work, and its been unfinished for the longest time. How would you feel if I asked to see your first drawing? He would murder me." Able chuckled.
" But-”
" Come, come. Break time is over." His big hand tapped her from behind, making her flinch and walk forward. “Lets go practice your routine again shall we? “
Although it wasn’t a flat ‘no’, something about that answer felt untrustworthy. She looked up at him and his many eyes, looking away when they stared back. Her legs walked stiff around the manor again. She’s grown used to it but not exactly comfortable.
Pomni would go blind if this kept up. It took her all to not cover her eyes from the burning spotlight, It hurt her retinas but she was told to keep a straight and elegant posture after every show. The crowd was deafening the way they cheered for her, their voices, humanoid, but not exactly. Their cheers would haunt her nightmares, but it's what she clings to if she wishes to stay useful in the circus…
She did it. She won.
She bowed to the crowd, arm held up by her temporary mentor, showing her off in pride.
“ The Living Doll, my dear viewers! “
Only the tip of her shoes touched the ground as she stood from her position. In the corner of her eyes she would see Caine clapping, but it wasn't a slow clap by any means. To her surprise it wasn't at all upset. Rather he just clapped… and the familiar feeling of eyes tracking her every move returned.
On one hand, She hopes this means Gangle is spared from any punishment… on the other hand… why?
She didn't know why she had to ask herself that. She had a feeling.
Pomni closed her eyes, and the next thing she knew, she was in her room, being groomed by the mannequins after a hard day of performing.
A shakey sigh left her. Atleast the day was over. She scrunched up when an NPC wiped her face with a wet cloth. Although she was made of wood, she was not prone to a plush exterior. The mannequins groomed her well but admittedly they can get a little aggressive at times.
Most of her routine was finished however. She looked good as new. Simply just had her bow taken out as an NPC brushed her hair to prepare her for bed.
But then,
Creaak… The sound of the door.
“ A moment alone."
Pomni’s hair stood up upon hearing his voice. She heard a snap and the next thing she knew the NPCs fell to the ground like piles of rubble, seemingly no longer functioning. His voice was enough. She didn't bother to turn. Her eyes fixated to look at the mirror either as a freeze response or in denial of the situation…
Fully knowing that all NPCs were inactive at the time… a different pair of hands started brushing her hair.
Pomni swallowed.
Caine hasn't felt her hair himself the whole time she’s been in the circus. He would never usually put himself in the dirty work of a groomer, but that day… he was feeling especially clingy.
For the next few minutes, nothing but the sound of the hair brush filled the room. Pomni's eyes now trailed down, refusing to look at him even in the mirror, Though at the corner of her vision she would sense him occasionally turning up to look at her. She did not reciprocate.
“ How was your visit?"
“ Good." Pomni frowned.
“ …What were you doing? Did he treat you well? “
What was it with the brothers and asking her how she felt about them? Oh well. She learned her lesson. “ Able was a great host. He fed me good food and was really patient. He has a way with words and is really good at the violin… he was, uh…classy. And treated me really politely. He even—”
" Stop. “
The brushing stopped,
" Thats enough.” Caine could break the comb with how tight he was holding it. Stop. Stop praising him like everyone else did. He didn't like when his name escaped her lips. He loathed the idea of her spending time with him, getting to know him, adoring him just like everyone else he knew.
Various intrusive thoughts entered his mind. He could pull out all her hair right then, crush her head between his teeth, he didn't know he was capable of such strong emotions until moments like these happened.
Yet it was all hidden in the shadows of his maw. Caine kept his head down, his eyes out of sight. Though that didn't stop Pomni from seeing his clenched fist on the poor comb.
That wasn't the answer he was looking for…?
“ Uhh! On second thought, his - his cooking was a little off… “ Pomni continued. “ I-I don't know what he thought humans liked--… but he was definitely off in his calculations... “
Silence from Caine… but she could sense his grip loosen. He tilted his head back up from his low gaze.
" Mhm! I say your cooking is a little better! Its good--um- just harder to fully grasp, I guess, which isn't your fault. “
Caine continued to brush her hair. He could stay there for hours to hear her praise him and degrade his brother. It has been a while since he heard anyone criticise Able, and to hear it from the person he wanted from the most made him revel in the feeling.
“ And what is it with his over insistance to be so proper, right? It felt like even breathing was banned around him. “
“ That sounds like him.”Admittedly that one pleased Caine. Although Caine was all for following the rules, Sometimes his brother’s prudence can limit his creativity. He knows it all too well.
" Was he always like this? “ Pomni asked.
" And what would happen if I said yes? “
" Nothing. I guess its good to know that he was always that annoying. “
" Ha! “ That one caught him off guard! He put his hands on her shoulders, an olden man’s way of effection or showing pleasure.
To Pomni it was as releiving as it was terrifying. Her body scrunched up from the sudden touch. “Haha… “ she laughed nervously. It was almost like she could feel herself gaining favor with each laugh. She guesses Caine really felt strongly about his brother. It wasn't her business.
“ Im sorry to hear your visit was unpleasant. My brother really should have known better." Caine put away the comb on her vanity, and kept his hands on her shoulders. He didn't sound sorry. He didn't even bother to hide his pleasure over the idea. “ Ill make sure he doesn't get his grubby hands on you again… “
" Much appreciated. '' Pomni closed her eyes and nodded, pleased, before opening them back up again in a panic. “ Uh--! Actually, How about no? “
"... No? “
" I-I mean uh…” Pomni limiting her reach around the digital world also meant limiting her reach for a possible exit… but ofcourse, shes not telling Caine that " I-I just had ..so much fun performing for the audience with higher stakes, I guess, you know? Plus-- plus! It might make me more desireable to have big wins every now and then! “
“... I suppose." Caine thought to himself. Perhaps having her around Able a little more might build some resentment. Though Caine admittedly was a little disappointed with that answer. He went quiet again and kept his hands on her shoulders, though this time, a grip that's a little more stiff.
Pomni exhaled…
shit… change the subject.
Pomni cleared her throat. “Did you… enjoy the performance? “
Caine laughed, a pity laugh. “ I enjoyed it as much as a person can enjoy a pre-planned game, yes. “
“ Huh?"
“ It was rigged, my dear."
“ Oh…… … … … "
“ You wouldn't actually think I'd let you play fair on your first game would you? The audience would boo you to oblivion. “ Caine continued.
Pomni looked down, admittedly a little embarrassed. She normally wouldn't care for her work as long as she gets to live another day, but still. Ouch. A blow to her ego.
“ It's alright. It's not your fault that Able can be tacky with his taste in art.” it seems that the more Pomni looked down the more affectionate he got. He placed his would-be chin on her head and continued to look at her eyes in the mirror. “I took control of your body 20…30...50% of the performance and that was that. “
“... Thanks."
" You're welcome. “ Caine tapped her shoulders and stepped away, back into the air. He snapped his fingers and the mannequins previously on the floor re-assembled, back to walking and moving like nothing happened.
Caine moved closer to the door. “ Now get ready for bed! We have another routine to do first thing in the morning! How exciting.“
Before she could say anything else, Caine was out. Pomni let out little exhausted groans and put her forehead down on the table. “Augghh! God!" She put her hands on her head, just about ready to have her fourth mental breakdown. “ I can't… I CAN’T. I hate this place!”
The mannequins didn't know how to groom her in that position, and so they simply put her bow back on, and gave her a pat on the head.
She stayed in that position for a little longer, quiet, just letting it all seep in. While she wallowed, the mannequins left her with the room since they finished their work. Now, it was only Pomni by herself.
She took a breath and turned her head up. Chin on the vanity, looking up at the mirror. She stared at the reflection, the constant reminder of her digital prison, and sighed.
It's okay, Pomni.
We have a plan.
This isn't over yet.
#I HAVENT WRITTEN IN A WHILE.... HELP ME...#pomni#caine#zooble#gangle#kinger#Ragatha#Jax#able#The amazing digital circus Pomni#The amazing digital circus Caine#The amazing digital circus zooble#the amazing digital circus able#The amazing digital circus gangle#The amazing digital circus kinger#The amazing digital circus ragatha#The amazing digital circus jax#The amazing digital circus#tadc Pomni#tadc caine#tadc zooble#tadc gangle#tadc kinger#tadc ragatha#tadc able#tadc jax#art#Freakshow au#writing#fic
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I'm writing this from a throwaway account, because you know...Scientology.
I want to preface this post by saying I am not one of those "I knew it all along!" people. I can't stand that attitude. I was pretty ambivelant towards Neil Gaiman. Prior to the allegations, I didn't hate him but I wasn't that interested in him as a person either. I don't think you can always tell when someone is a bad or good person simply by the topics they write about. If that was the case we'd be arresting every horror writer on earth.
But one thing that did always rub me up the wrong way was the way he talked about getting work.
I borrowed and read "Make Good Art" (a small book based on a speech he gave to graduates at the University of the Arts) at a time in my life that I was really struggling to get by (I still am to some extent, but in a different way). I expected to see some practical advice. Instead it was a bunch of glib shit like:
I got out into the world, I wrote, and I became a better writer the more I wrote, and I wrote some more, and nobody ever seemed to mind that I was making it up as I went along, they just read what I wrote and they paid for it, or they didn’t, and often they commissioned me to write something else for them. Looking back, I’ve had a remarkable ride. I’m not sure I can call it a career, because a career implies that I had some kind of career plan, and I never did. The nearest thing I had was a list I made when I was 15 of everything I wanted to do: to write an adult novel, a children’s book, a comic, a movie, record an audiobook, write an episode of Doctor Who… and so on. I didn’t have a career. I just did the next thing on the list.
Life is sometimes hard. Things go wrong, in life and in love and in business and in friendship and in health and in all the other ways that life can go wrong. And when things get tough, this is what you should do. Make good art. I’m serious. Husband runs off with a politician? Make good art. Leg crushed and then eaten by mutated boa constrictor? Make good art. IRS on your trail? Make good art. Cat exploded? Make good art. Somebody on the Internet thinks what you do is stupid or evil or it’s all been done before? Make good art. Probably things will work out somehow, and eventually time will take the sting away, but that doesn’t matter. Do what only you do best. Make good art.
Yeah, well, no shit. If you're a writer or artist you probably do anyway. Whether you get paid for it or not, whether you draw fan art or original art. But the point of Gaiman's speech was to give advice to people who wanted to be paid for their art. To make a career of it. Making art every day isn't always enough. You have to pay the damn rent, you have to eat, you have to network and do social media and promote yourself, and you have to do it while thousands of other people are doing the same thing in a massive crowd of people who want the same thing. Practical advice is much more valuable than platitudes and theory.
I am not a writer, I'm an illustrator, and let me tell you that for most people, 'getting your foot in the door' isn't a one time thing. Quite often you have to work at getting your foot in the door again and again until you become established, and it's very easy to be forgotten. I still feel like I'm in that stage now.
I watched my peers, and my friends, and the ones who were older than me and watch how miserable some of them were: I’d listen to them telling me that they couldn’t envisage a world where they did what they had always wanted to do any more, because now they had to earn a certain amount every month just to keep where they were. They couldn’t go and do the things that mattered, and that they had really wanted to do; and that seemed as a big a tragedy as any problem of failure.
The implication was that he was successful because he wrote every day and his friends weren't because they didn't, because you know, working a second job is tiring. He called this a tragedy, but there was something very glib about the way he narrated this.
I think someone had more financial cushion that he was letting on.
And yes, sometimes it does work that way, (some people are very lucky and make all the right connections) but Gaiman was getting Big Jobs right off the bat and something about that never smelt right to me after the way he talked about it.
And then I saw Jeff's tweets. Oh, that's why...
I suspect the truth is he was living off his family's money and connections, and while I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with that if you're a struggling artist, his family are Scientologists, and I don't think he ever struggled.
I suspect it's all a lie.
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might be an odd question, but i have a theory after noticing trends amongst artists iv known in my life and SO FAR it's rung true so im expanding sample size
IDK if u know what aphantasia is already so I'm including reference [forgive me if uv already spoken abt this also]
Where would u say u fit on the scale?
For me I cannot see an apple, I know I am supposed to, or I will see concepts of it [like how the flesh is shiny and holds water droplets but i do not SEE it nor can i hold a clear visual of anything in my mind for that matter it is always flashing IDEAS like components of a visual, never the whole thing]
I'm asking because of people I've asked about this, there's a quality of their art that [i dont know how to put into words WHY] reminds me of each other, and I'm wondering if u will give me the same answer they have because I am a curious little bastard
I'm pretty sure I'm 1? I think I might have one of those brains that operate mostly on visuals. I don't need to close my eyes to see the image in my mind, it just sort of "opens in a different window" and I'm looking at reality and the mental image simultaneously.
It's never a flat picture, I see a 3D model of sorts, and I can rotate it around, cut it into pieces, look "through it" to see it from outside and inside at the same time, and arrange it to different poses if it's a character. Sometimes when I'm drawing something, I imagine what it would feel like to touch it and hold it in my hands, and that helps me to figure out how to convey a better sense of volume and tangibility.
I also think in images (or, like, gifs?) and I've never had an internal monologue. It surprised me when I heard that some people actually have a narrator in their heads, I can't imagine what it's like.
It's not always fun though, sometimes I get pretty nasty intrusive thoughts and they come in forms of vivid and very unpleasant mental images. Like visiting a relative's grave and being hit with a crisp picture of their decomposing body. Or getting those "I could walk in front of that car/ jump down from here" call of the void thoughts and instantly getting a brain illustration of it playing out from an onlooker's point of view and what the aftermath would look like. They're most distressing when it's bad things happening to someone I care about, for example I have a really persistent one about accidentally slamming a door on my cat and seeing him crushed and dying.
Oddly enough it doesn't extend to all visual thinking. My mind's eye and visual memory work well, but I also have severe face blindness and practically nonexistent ability to form mental spatial maps of my surroundings.
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Hello. After drawing webcomics for 10 years and making about 10,000 pages of comics, here are some things i have learned/observed in that experience..
1) making comics does not get easier.. Not really
Making comics is a tedious and slow process and with so many different facets of the experience to learn - you’ll never run out of stuff to learn or weaknesses to work on. I’m not saying this to discourage but to just give the frank reality that it really takes a lifetime to understand. Be patient with yourself and try to set healthy expectations.
2) Read your own comics after making them.
I don’t know if this is as important to other people as it is to me, but I do think that sometimes its easy to not re-read your own work and just go from your own memory of it, or maybe you’re tired of looking at it because of all the flaws. I don’t personally get sucked into the “rewrite/remake” cycle that I know is common with comics, as I sort of just accept things as they are, but re-reading my work does help me see where I have come from and where I need to go to next. I personally don’t like to lose sight of that, and I think re-reading helps ground me in the planning process of my work and gives me a better perspective on all aspects.
3) A lot of comic advice should be taken with a grain of salt, because its the person talking to themselves. (including this)
I see a lot of advice that never would have worked for me, or just simply wasn’t something I was ever going to follow. “Dont start with your big epic long stories”! Is a common one. I don’t think that’s bad advice exactly, but how many young artists are going to listen, especially if they’ve never told a story in the first place? Yes, the advice to start small and build yourself up with experience sounds great, I’m sure people do it, but if you’re an artist you’re probably not gonna be that responsible. And for me, when i tried to do this with eggshells, my house burnt down and i kinda gave up comics for a while because i lost a lot of work.
Writing short stories is still something I struggle with, its just not easy for me. I have gotten better at it but i don’t think that makes me less of a comic artist because I haven’t gotten good at that particular format, or that I jump around on my projects. Is it more impressive to have more completed work under your belt, sure. But I also think that.. Idk.. what is the advice actually saying, because with that one it sort of feels (often times) as a warning that you’re setting yourself up for failure/embarrassment by attempting a comic like that. I don’t know how to tell you this, but comics are gonna be embarrassing no matter what you do and there’s no guarantee you’ll be more successful/not experience failure by avoiding your passions. Something to think about anyway.
4) Don’t draw every leaf. Unless you really want to.
I’m the kind of comic artist that kind of doesn’t care about the art as much as the whole package of the comic. When i see a very impressively drawn panel/page, with laborious detail that is well drawn and maybe even colored ect.. That usually is kind of, I guess, a turn off for me as part of the reading experience. The thing is, when i encounter that, it usually signals to me that someone has poor planning skills for comics. It says to me that comic is probably not going to see its end or that artist is overworking themselves in an unnecessary way, that ends up concerning me about how they’re doing. Because i know how hard it is to draw comics. When an artist phones things in a bit, or has a limit on how much they work on a page, its a relief for me to see! because I understand they have healthier boundaries and expectations, and the art itself usually is less stiff too. This is all an overgeneralization, but I think with a lot of webcomic artists we are usually drawing a comic for the first time ever, so it makes sense we want to do our best and try as hard as possible - that just usually isn’t the smartest plan to put all the stock in the visual department. This also kinda frustrates me to see because most comics (professional or not) will also (generally) not reel the art in ever or make a more simple style. Generally I see it always trying to outdo itself, which leads to burn out. I personally only work about 1hr on each page i draw, that hasn’t changed in the 10 years I have been drawing comics, but i used to spend hundreds of hours drawing detailed lineart for eggshells and it didn’t even read well and i’d be disappointed with the results, feeling more lost with my goals than ever. PLEASe.. Just draw worse, its usually better looking in the end too. (because you wont have the experience to judge visual clarity until you’ve been drawing comics for a while imo..)
5) Don’t draw ahead, draw those inbetweenies.
“Inbetweenies” are the pages for the “boring” ones. They are also usually the most common KIND of page. Its the pages that are necessary, but “inbetween” the action. The impact moments in a scene, ect. You gotta draw them. They’re always gonna be there. They’re the pages where maybe, the character is walking somewhere, thinking, ect. The after impact from an action.. There’s a million examples, but hopefully you’ll understand what I mean when I say they’re both necessary pages/panels, sometimes so mundane/redundant, but also required for telling the story.. As a comic is a sequence of images. This is why, the previous advice is also important IMO- because if you really want to “draw every leaf” - maybe you should save that energy and effort for those impact moments that you want to impress the reader with.. And not for the inbetweenies, which are the foundational support, but also not the most important moments. If you conserve your energy a bit, the contrast OF that effort will also pop more. I personally find it funny when I put more effort into a page and end up tricking my readers into thinking I got better at drawing, when really i just have been able to draw better and only save it for moments like this instead of always.
Also, when I say don’t draw ahead.. I mean I draw each page at a time before going to the next one. I have no idea if this is an unusual practice or not, and I know a lot of people will draw their chapters/episodes/whatever in sections like sketch/ink/color/ect.. But I personally draw and finish page by page, unless its the thumb/sketch stage. Even then, i don’t go ahead much. I think that you can control flow/pacing better by doing chapters all at once of course, I see that as a benefit. But i also think that makes things very overwhelming and can also result in a lack of flexibility if something isn’t working. No matter HOW much planning you do- comics are always going to have an aspect of IMPROVISATION with the result you get in the end. There are way too many factors in play to be in complete control of all of them and always know the result of the reading experience. SO for me, this technique is easier and has been something that continues to get me to working effectively. Plus, rumiko takahashi said that’s what she does. And i think she has some of the best visual flow/compositions in comics. So that’s what I do.
I could write more personal advice or rules that i follow..but I think those are the ones I find are the most important to me anyway. Of course, comics are a strange medium and not everything that works for me will work for you. That’s all for now.. Bye bye…!
Oh by the way, my comics are here: feastforaking.com nastyreddogs.com https://kosmic.itch.io/ Support me on patreon! https://www.patreon.com/kosmic
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Gyutaro x Artist but gyutaro is their Main Muse and they just lobe drawing or sketching him!
Gyutaro x Artist! Reader headcanons :3
______
LOVEEEE THIS IDEA UGHHH I LOVE DRAWING HIM SO BAD HE IS SO COOL AND BEAUTIFUL ❤️❤️❤️
His body is so so cool and I love drawing it and writing about it gyah he’s so cool.. you will definitely hear my rambles and interest in his funky little critter body in this.
Only possible tw would be Gyutaro struggling w why anyone would find him pretty but that’s a given so yah
I’m so sorry this took me a long time to put out, I know I say this like every blue moon I post but my life is fr crazy 😭 it’s getting better tho. I just do these for fun and comfort and i appreciate prompts/requests for when I’m in the need to relax and write about my favorite little guy
•Gyutaro has not a single clue why you seem to be so infatuated with creating art of specifically him
“The entertainment district has so many unique pretty people in it, those who are leaps and bounds more handsome than he is. So why him?
•At first he was even angry to think you would try to gaze upon him in an artistic light before anyone else. He was hideous, he didn’t deserve to be drawn or painted.
•But you didn’t seem to think so
•He would never admit it and prefer to only display his annoyance, but he really was flattered the first few times.
•When you asked to draw him he laughed, because why would you want to do such a thing? He thought you were joking. You were in the entertainment district, a place with some of the most beautiful people in all of Japan!
•But yet.. you insisted on doting upon his hideous form and praising his appearance. showering him with gifts from your natural talent of creativity and your dedication to craft.
•Of course he was envious at first.. of course you were talented. beautiful, nice, and talented. He hated all of those things.
•But he didn’t hate you.
•Gyutaro would unconsciously be annoyed due to thinking your artistic ability is natural born talent. It wasn’t fair how so many humans were blessed with those gifts while he himself seemed to only be cursed with suffering and imperfections.
•Though, after watching you work and create so many different pieces even he himself was able to notice how subtly you improved or when you messed up.
•And of course he noticed because no matter if he would express it or not at first, he adored you making art of him.
•Gyutaro was naturally a very attentive demon. The man grew up on the streets racked with danger and disease. Such living conditions were a constant battle to survive and in order to do so, he needed to be aware of his surroundings.
•His nature to pick up on smaller things only intensified when Ume was born because now he was watching over her, and he deemed her life as bounds more valuable than his own.
•He loved seeing you fail or mess up at your art.. and it wasn’t in an exactly sadistic or crude way like he would feel when seeing others fail. With you, it felt like he was watching you learn and grow. He was witnessing your failure and proof that your talent wasn’t natural, You had to work for it. And something about that struck a chord in him.
•Embarrassment was always a very common emotion for him to express when you asked for a better look at him.
•’I want to see your back better, I need to see the way your spine curves.’
•‘Let me see you up close so I can get your birthmarks right’
•‘Can you show me your hand?’
•Every single little question you asked always gave him butterflies, both from nerves and him becoming flustered.
•But over time as you two bonded; he became much more comfortable with sharing his body with you.
•His small crude comments about how ‘pointless’ your art of him was gradually turned into quiet mumbles of appreciation or gentle praise.
•Sometimes, if you get lucky he will allow you to touch him. Trailing your hand down his odd protruding spine, or delicately brushing your fingers over his ribs that were barely covered by his skin.
•One time he even let you feel his stomach.. if you could even call it that, and where his abs were just to see how his strange anatomy worked. That interaction didn’t last for long as he got far too flustered and anxious to let you continue, but it was still fascinating nonetheless.
•Gyutaro was almost constantly put off but your compliments about the parts of his body he hated the most.
•His disgusting marks? They were pretty, and looked like paint on a canvas to you.
•His visible ribs? They were unique, a wonderful oddity.
•His crooked spine? One of your ‘favorite parts’ of him to draw
•His bloodshot down turned eyes? They looked like gemstones to you, sparkled like the stars.
•It was like any aspect he found repulsive about himself, you saw it the exact opposite.
•There was one small interaction Gyutaro didn’t think he would ever forget, something that touched him in a way he had never felt before
•It was common for you to show Gyutaro new drawings you made of him.. working as Daki’s artist you only had so much time to ever gift him with full pieces.
•Not that he cared, at this point if you gave him a stick figure and said it was him he would be grateful you even thought of him.
•Perhaps that was only because of your close bond.. if another human did that things probably wouldn’t go so sweetly.
•He wished he had a better place to keep such cherished things though all he had was the little cave where him and Daki stored food and skeletons.
•Nevertheless, you liked to doodle him a lot in quick sketches that you almost always displayed to him. Usually you came to sit with him when you would draw him to get reference for something about his ghoulish unnatural form, especially for his birthmarks. He had so many he was used to you coming in with near finished drawings that still needed reference for where his spots were.
•Eventually, you stopped asking for such things and it almost made him sad. Did you just loose interest?.. he wouldn’t blame you, he was hideous.
•Of course that was him being overly negative and unrealistic. You still frequently showed him art you created of him, so he had no reason to think that. But he usually wasn’t very logical when it came to thoughts about his own body..
•One night the two of you ended up in the same room together for a while, Gyutaro glancing over to you for a moment..
•”(Y/N)..”
•He croaked out your name in his broken voice that you never seemed to comment on. Almost instantly you raised your head and turned all of your attention onto Gyutaro
•“Hm?”
*The demon let out a small huff. He felt pathetic asking something like this. He was an upper moon demon, he shouldn’t care.
•“Why did.. why did you stop visiting me whenever you draw?”
• he forced out, letting out a small sigh as soon as he did. He had to use restraint to hold himself back from hiding his face in his palms
•But instead of ignoring him or saying you got sick of looking at his ugly face, you chuckled.
•”Taro, I’ve drawn you so many times I already know what you look like. I even have your marks memorized.”
•He went quiet, his face flushing a crimson hue from your response. There was just.. no way. You couldn’t be real. What had he done to deserve you?..
•”Oh..”
•Was all he was able to manage out, too flustered and dumbfounded to come up with a proper response.
•If he wasn’t in love with you enough before, he was far past head over heels by now.
•The concept of abstract art interested him as well, and he would always be very grateful whenever you would explain how some people found deep interest in things that looked.. less than appealing.
•One of Gyutaro’s favorite small details he always picked up on was in your doodles of him.
•Sometimes you liked to add something extra onto your work to make it more lively, and whenever you did that with him it would always be little hearts around him.
•Things so small yet so meaningful were things he had always loved, and this was definitely no exception.
•When you displayed your art to others you could never exactly display him.. though you sometimes added little details that you knew he would notice
•Little black splotches around the canvas akin to his marks, small Kanji for the number six sometimes appearing.
•He knew you couldn’t exactly ‘show him off’ and he knew you probably wouldn’t want to if you could.. but even so, seeing you do something that still counted as showing him off meant a lot.
•Even if nobody else noticed or knew, he did.
•He noticed all of the little details, the stray lines, the mistakes. Every little thing about your art he adored
•The same way he adored you.
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WAAA!! I wrote most of this months ago at like 12AM and I am astounded that it actually held up and I didn’t have to completly re-write it. Just finished it up
#demon slayer#gyutaro#demonslayer#kny#gyutaro demon slayer#kimestu no yaiba#gyutaro shabana#gyutaro x reader#demon slayer x reader#fluff#x artist#artist reader#kny x reader#twelve kizuki#upper moon six
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hhhhhhh i love your art so much man it's just so rrrrrrrrg words can even describe it 💥💥💥
butt like like genuinely how do you figure out poses and shit that fit who you draw so well likeee
idk me personally i just struggle with that stuff, yk always stuck with the -looking front on with hands in pockets- or the dreaded -peace sign with hand in pocket- fjdjdj
sorry for the yap sesh butttt any advice would be like so cool
also the way you portray killer and nm is like godly just 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥
HDHDHHDHD THANK YOU <333333
And oooh that’s a very valid struggle, cause the thing is, I used to struggle a lot with posing characters in a way that actually satisfied me, going for the stiff front look a lot dhdhhdhdh
But the thing is with art, is that it isn’t just lines on a page y’know? At least, I stopped treating my art as such, every time i draw an artwork i want the artwork to tell who sees it something, I treat every artwork as a story in of itself
Ok imma generally give you what I learned from my art journey so far, i’m gonna start with a more general advice and then get to how I choose poses for certain characters, and imma try to explain the best I can but I can be really bad with wording things so bear with me
Art can be difficult cause different art concepts are interconnected with each other, so sometimes you need to think of so many things just to be able to do something as simple as posing a character
Before we start tho, here are 2 tips:
-everything you know about anatomy? Throw it out the window, no i’m not joking I’m being completely serious
The reason many artists suffer with making dynamic poses is cause they think too much about anatomy, they think the anatomy should look correct and perfect, and no, anatomy is the biggest reason the pose you draw is going to be stiff, you need to forget “correct” anatomy if you want your poses to feel alive and dynamic
- practice gesture/figure art, IM ON MY KNEES I BEG YOU, cause it teaches you to let go of perfect anatomy and actually learn how to draw figures in motion (which is extremely important for fluid and dynamic poses!)
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With that in mind, here are a few things i keep in mind when posing a character:
1- line of action
You hear these three damn words a lot yet no matter how much you research them you can never find a good explanation for what they mean (me after i researched this bullshit so much shbdhdhhs)
But simply put, think of the action line as the spine in a human, the more you bend it outta shape the more dynamic the pose is going to be
And it’s genuinely so important cause it can make a very simple pose such as a character standing doing nothing much more dynamic when you put line of action in mind
Even a very slight bend in the line can make the pose more natural/dynamic, because an action line dictates the movement of a character
So if you want to avoid a stiff pose? Avoid a straight action line (you gotta make that action line Queer af💅✨✨✨✨)
But here’s a mind fuckery, the tricky thing with action lines is that it’s better if you keep them in mind but not consciously think of them if that makes sense
You gotta understand them and implement them and practice them, but when you draw a character posing a certain way, thinking too much of the action line can actually make it difficult to maintain and in turn, makes your art stiff af too
Like you got to internalize this concept and to keep it in your subconscious rather than actually consciously think about it when you draw your artworks
Ok Anó, how the fuck do i do that? Start with practicing them consciously by actually drawing the action line and then the pose in art studies, and then level yourself up by practicing them by drawing characters posing a certain way WITHOUT putting an action line first, i’m sorry to say there’s no way around it, there are no short cuts
Here’s a helpful visual guide/summary of what i mean by the paragraph above cause words suck
(but sooner or later, what you learned gets burned into your muscle memory, and your hand would start doing all the work without you consciously thinking about it, then congrats!! Action lines are now part of your subconscious)
Ok but does that mean straight lines are bad/should never be used?? NO
I can never emphasize how important straight lines can be
One thing that’s beautiful in art is that there’s no such thing as “bad” or “wrong”, art is subjective, and something that’s perceived as “wrong” by one artist, can be right/ something implemented in another artist’s artstyle that makes it unique
In fact, straight action lines can be great to use depending on what you wish people to take/understand from your art (a simple example: a turn around reference sheet for a character tends to use straight lines, cause in a reference sheet you focus on clarity, and drawing with queer lines can cause that clarity to be thrown out the window)
But I especially love to use straight Action lines with Killer, I sometimes make him stiff as a fucking rock and it’s completely intentional on my part, cause i love to use stiff poses to enhance the uncomfortable/unnatural atmosphere Killer gives, or to further emphasize an already uncomfortable situation
So to summarize, if you wish your poses be more natural/dynamic and to avoid stiff poses, use queer Action lines, but straight lines are also great to use depending on what you want people to understand from your art
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2- perspective (camera angle)
Variety is key!
What is the perspective you want to focus on? I know this seems like it doesn’t have anything to do with posing a character, but it does, (remember, art concepts are interconnected!) cause the perspective you decide to draw from can also influence the pose you decide to draw or vice versa, and help you make the pose more dynamic
Hell sometimes, perspective can do the poses justice even if they’re literally the most boring stiff poses you’ve ever drawn chchchhcch
Like are you going to draw the character from an upper perspective? Lower? Fish-eye? Third person? First person?
Is the perspective tilted? Is it normal?
What is the perspective you want and why did you choose it? What are you trying to tell the people who see your art?
Here are a few tips when it comes to perspective:
-More dynamic perspectives (upper/lower) are good for artworks that have tension in them, or have some sort of stakes going on (fights, horror, uncomfortable situations)
That of course doesn’t mean they can’t be used to simply make your artwork look cool :D
-choosing how many vanishing points there are (one,two or three points perspective) can also make your art tell a different story depending on the situation you’ve chosen them for
-and most importantly, when you draw a pose, foreshortening is going to happen to the body depending on the perspective!!
But my point is, I make sure i draw in variety, sometimes I draw the character from upper, lower, tilted or even a mix of all of them, all to enhance my poses to look more dynamic/natural
Ok Anó, got it, but what if I don’t care to include a crazy perspective and i want to draw in a normal perspective? Then how do i make my poses more dynamic?
That brings me to my next 2 points
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3- camera shots
Same as perspective, there has to be variety!
Your art doesn’t always have to be full body, try to draw different shots, draw a headshot, draw closeup shots draw half bodies
If you go for different shots then you’ll be forced to think of different poses to fit such shots :D
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4-bodies are like little toys, break them
One thing you can do to bring more variety to your poses is to have different body parts facing different directions, not all limbs have to face the same direction >:)
Generally the characters don’t have to face front! Try to mix it up and draw from the side or back
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5-emotional weight and a story to tell
And this is where i’ll bring my point about treating my art as a story back
A really good way to actually put variety in your poses is to treat any sort of artwork/sketch you make as a story you’re trying to tell
Before you draw a character posing a certain way ask yourself, why is this character posing this way? What are/were they doing before that pose? Are they alone or are they reacting to something/someone?
Is there a point to them posing this way? (It’s ok if there’s no actual point to it! But the poses still would need to tell a story regardless)
Cause if you’re posing them reacting to another character (off screen for example), you pose them in a way that makes sense for their emotions of the other character right? (So if the character has negative feelings towards the other one then it makes more sense to draw them in a defensive stance or a fight or flight pose)
If you’re drawing them all alone then what are they doing alone, are they doing something important or is it their off time? If it’s their off time what are they doing for their off time? Do they like to spend it reading a book for example? What are they reading? Is it a horror novel that makes them scared? If yes then how do they deal with fear? Do they throw the book across the room or do they hide under a blanket?
Cause a pose also holds emotional weight, it shows you what emotions the character is exhibiting, it’s not just the expression of the character that tells you about their emotions, it’s their body language, and body language can be translated through poses
Let’s say they’re doing a peace sign pose for example, why are they doing it? Are they taking a picture with someone they love or are they doing it to annoy someone? Hell maybe they’re being forced to do it, and so they do it half heartedly maybe?
Get what I’m trying to say?
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And now with all of the above in mind, time to get to the most important thing and the main point of this post
How do I choose poses for certain characters?
6- personality
who am I sketching? Cause each character is unique and each character is gonna act a certain way other characters won’t, and depending on the situation, the poses change too
Understand the character and how they act, try to analyze them and take in their quirks and behaviors, and before you draw a pose for them actually ask yourself, would this character EVER do this pose?
Like you say you fall in the peace sign trap right? Now think about a peace sign pose, but with Nightmare… it doesn’t make sense right? Cause the pose is an absolute striking contrast to Nightmare’s personality, like Nightmare would never do a peace sign till the day he dies, hell i’m sure if he’s forced to choose between death and doing a peace sign he’d choose death (it’s a lot more mercifull than the humiliation he’d feel making a peace sign hcchchch)
See what I’m getting at?
For example, I draw Nightmare with his hands behind his back a lot, but you won’t see me do the same with other characters often, not cause other characters would never put their hands behind their backs, but because it’s a quirk in Nightmare’s character, Nightmare TENDS to do that a lot, he acts so formal and royal like, and so i draw him do it a lot
But here’s the thing, if i draw other characters having their hands behind their backs like i do with Nightmare, i do it in a way that makes sense for them! An example is how i draw Nightmare and Dream with their hands behind their backs :D
But I also keep in mind Nightmare’s character, so whenever I pose him a certain way, I ask myself “would Nightmare actually stand/sit/lie down like that?” If the answer is yes, then I continue, if not then i change it to fit Nightmare
To further explain, I tend to think Nightmare is defensive in nature, so you’d see that I also pose him in a way that reflects that, with his hands crossed in front of his chest for example or generally his hands close to his body, sometimes hunched in on himself, I also think Nightmare is egotistical and self centric, but most importantly, he sees himself as an elegant King, and so I draw him crossing his legs or generally have him sit in such a formal manner or a hand on hip kinda pose etc
So when you draw a pose ask yourself if it fits the personality, mindset, and pattern of behavior for said character!
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With all that being said, while it’s amazing to be able to do a variety of poses, I think it’s also important to keep in mind that art is supposed to be fun, take your time trying to learn, don’t overwork or frustrate yourself with learning new things, and it’s completely fine to not do poses that have meaning sometimes (do that peace sign to your heart’s content <333) it took me 10 whole years to get where i am today, and compared to many other artists my own progress is extremely slow, and it used to bother me cause I treated art like there was some sort of deadline above my head and that I should learn things in a timely manner (which is absolute bullshit), my point is, take your time with learning poses, even if it takes you years, the important thing is that you will get there eventually <33333
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Finally, here is one art resource for poses that i think is really good/useful
Keep on creating and hope my endless ramble helps a lil chchchchchch <33333
youtube
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