#sometimes I still get the urge to just tell someone what I've been doing/meaning to do
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Knowing I am never getting better and I just do not have that inner motivation or happiness in me is not enough
I want everyone ever to accept me for being flawed
I'm sorry
I was always going to mess this up
It's not an expect it kind of thing, it's a given
The story always repeats itself over and over
You get how patterns work
#the one time I've left the pattern to start a new one#was when I've#what's the word#sandblocked?#sandlocked?#myself into it#and that was the start of me ruining my life if anything#maybe I've ruined my life for the better#maybe I've ruined my life for the worse#You will not believe my capabilities of completely ruining myself and people in my close vicinity#for a year#my ideas on “how to fix the situation” are so stupid I've completely fucked it up#sometimes I still get the urge to just tell someone what I've been doing/meaning to do#so they can fix my fuck up before it gets that bad
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When Someone Flirts with You! | Honkai Star Rail
Someone saw this coming and I'm very proud of you for figuring it out. Yeah, I've been getting into star rail and I thought I'd just write since I can't really think of genshin things to write right now lol this is barely edited, so have mercy <3 idk tags rn so please help me out :') ✧ Includes: Dan Heng, Welt, Sampo, Gepard, Jing Yuan, Luocha, Blade ✧ Extra: Luocha and Blade might be ooc, I'm not too familiar with them as of right now. ✧ Come one, come all! See what happens when someone flirts with you in front of your men!
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Dan Heng
Dan Heng is a really private person, he’s not a fan of showing off everything. So he’s not one to flaunt you around, but it’s not hard to tell you’re both in a relationship. He’s around you like… all the time.
He’s not one to follow around like a helicopter boyfriend, but he’s got an eye on you. If he sees someone bothering you, he’s behind them in an instant.
0/10. Dan Heng’s not super scary so they could ignore him and continue flirting with you. For a moment, he’ll just stand there as he listens to some of the dumb things they’re gonna say. You two make fun of them later for it. But then he hears something along the lines of, “come on, i’ll treat you better.” he don’t like that.
How is this creep better than him?! They couldn’t even tell you were uncomfortable. Dan Heng will usually place a hand on their shoulder and his grip gets tighter every second the creep is still in front of you. Paired with his glare…
10/10 the creep is gone. You sigh in relief and walk to Dan Heng quietly, wrapping your arms around his waist. He immediately hugs back, stroking your hair a little.
“Let’s go somewhere else. I don’t like it here anymore.” You agreed.
Welt
Well, he doesn’t hang around you 24/7, he’s a busy man. But it’s also not hard to tell you’re dating either. Welt isn’t crazy about PDA, but he’ll give you a quick kiss every now and then and often gives you hugs (per your request).
He believes you’re capable of taking care of yourself, so he’s often not paying attention. That doesn’t mean he won’t look over at you every now and then. This time, he just happened to see some creepy creep trying to creep up on you.
“Are you ok, (y/n)?” Is the first thing he asks when he walks up to you. He will literally ignore the existence of the creep beside him. Usually what happens here is that you’ll nod and he’ll “accidentally” shove the creepy away and urge you to come talk with him and his friends. The creep is usually so confused they walk away. But sometimes- sometimes- they follow.
Welt does NOT like that. I mean it was one thing to not take the hint from your face, but then to stop you when you’re actively trying to leave?
Welt will turn around and just glare at them. Like that silent, “I will kill you” kinda glare. It’s a staring contest for a moment before the creepy creep just kinda turns away and leaves. Sometimes, Welt does have to smack them with his lil cane. Sometimes.
“Anyway, we’re over here. Would you like a drink?”
Sampo
Sampo is all over you, usually. He loves you and the world should know? Sometimes, he can go too far so just let him know. Anyway, since he’s always over you, people know you’re dating him.
Usually at parties and events, he’s hanging off your arm, but sometimes he’s gotta go talk to some of his other friends and acquaintances. He keeps an eye on you.
Here’s the thing, he’ll come up and flirt with you too but try to one up the creep. “You look fine, darling,” - the creep. “You look so beautiful, every star in the sky and the moons pale in comparison.” - Sampo.
0/10. Of course, the creep gets irritated and asks what the hell Sampo is doing. Sampo just gives him a condescending smile and says, “that’s my partner you’re talking to. I’m not gonna let you just creep up on them.” There’s… a glint in his eyes that’s unnerving. Even you can see it.
69/10. The creep runs off, making some excuse or whatever. Sampo watches them for a minute before turning to you and smiling. You rush to give him a hug and he happily returns it.
“Wanna go home? Seems like that idiot trashed your mood a little.”
Gepard
Gepard is a very shy guy and he’s not one to be all touchy-touchy without you doing it first. He gets all flustered and looks away… but he’ll lean into your touch.
He usually sticks around you, keeping your attention so no creepies come by, but sometimes he gets pulled away. He always lets you know he’ll be right back and leaves for just a few moments. Enough for a creepy to sneak in >:0
When Gepard notices the creep, he wastes no time walking over to you. “Is everything ok?” He asked, looking at you. If you shook your head, that was it. The captain of the silvermane’s came out!
The first glare is usually a 50/50. Sometimes, the creeps acted all annoyed and walk away, pretending they’re not scared but other times… they challenge him. Gepard just places a hand on their shoulder and shoves them back. It’s actually surprisingly strong- they’ll fall over sometimes.
10/10, that usually sends them running. On rare occasions there’s that ONE creepy who just stands up and tries to take him on lmao. You know to take a step back because Gepard kinda skips the arresting and just goes to ass kicking. And he’s the shy boyfriend.
“So… we should go now. Yeah, no, just leave the creep there.”
Jing Yuan
Jing Yuan isn't the most affectionate boyfriend, but he doesn’t mind letting people know you two are together. Depends on your comfort level.
He’s a busy man, so at that fancy event, he can’t always be at your side but he tries to keep you by him. Of course, you decided to go get a drink, he happily agreed. You went off and he kept greeting more officials. You didn’t return, so he looked over and he just saw you turning away from a creep who just grabbed your arm!
Jing Yuan elegantly excuses himself and basically sneaks up behind the guy. He’ll stand there which brings you tons of relief, enough to let the creep ramble and ramble and ramble. “I could take you out to dinner, (nickname you don’t like). I’ll buy you (food you don’t like).” “Actually, they don’t like that. And they don’t like being called that.” The creep jumps away and is standing beside you at that point.
5/10, honestly, some just get scared and leave. There’s the other half though that just kinda scoff and look at you. Before they can even say anything, Jing Yuan grabs them by the shirt and force them to look at him. “Do not speak to them like that. Do not look at them, and don’t even think about them. You leave now or I’ll drag you out myself.”
10/10!!!!!!!!! They are GONE. No sign of them for MILES. Jing Yuan huffs and looks down at you. At this point, everyone’s looking at you two, making you extremely uncomfortable. He’ll stand beside you and pull you close, using that half of his jacket thing to cover you.
“We can leave. I’ll deal with everything else later. Come on.”
Luocha
This man is unpredictable. Sometimes, he’s grabbing your hand to prove your dating, others are just a straight kiss. You don’t mind. Either way, the world knows you two are together.
Luocha doesn’t mind leaving you alone, he’s got confidence in himself and you. That doesn’t mean he’s not there as your backup. Creeps creep on a daily- he’s gotchu. He sees the creep and he’s already walking toward you.
“No!” You exclaimed with a frown, “I'm not interested. Leave me alone.” Luocha didn’t mind scaring the creep off… but it was when they grabbed you that kinda set him off. “Hey.” Is all he says as he grabs their wrist to shove their hand away. 3/10. SOMETIMES people do get scared off by his demeanor. But there’s always that one. Our favorite.
For those guys, he’ll just get physical. There’s just this switch that goes off when it comes to you. 10/10. They’re either gone or out like a light.
“Come, we should go somewhere else.”
Blade
Lol. First of all, people know you’re dating this dude because you’re still alive while hanging off his arm. He’s not affectionate in public other than some sweet words. “You look nice today.” “I think you did well.” Things like that.
Blade can… be a helicopter boyfriend because he just has a 6th sense for creepies. You can be doing your own thing and he’s just standing there. Menacingly. There are days where he’s away from you, but he keeps a sharp eye on you. Then he notices the creep.
“Go away.” You say with a huff as you turn away. “Stop!” You yell, trying to pull your hand away. Suddenly, the creep is silent and frozen. You probably know exactly what happened.
You feel your arm come loose and look behind you to see Blade pointing… well his blade at the creep. He doesn’t say anything and the creep can’t help but just feel the icy fear in their veins. 10/10, Blade doesn’t fail.
“Thank you.” You say with a sigh as you run and hug his arm, looking up at him. Blade sighs and looks down at you, feeling that relief in his chest knowing that you’re fine and right beside him where you should be.
“It’s because you look cute today. Let’s go somewhere else.”
#honkai star rail#honkai star rail x reader#dan heng x reader#jing yuan x reader#blade x reader#sampo x reader#welt x reader#luocha x reader#gepard x reader#honkai star rail x gender neutral reader
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pleaseee kisses prompts 14, 15, and 33 with patrick zweig 🙏🫠
Sure :D
Prompts: An unexpected kiss that shocks the one receiving it; a kiss so desperate that the two wind around each other, refusing to let go until they are finished; a fierce kiss that ends with a bite on the lip, soothing it with a lick.
Warnings: Fluff; flirty Patrick; fake dating; smooches
Summary: Finding your plus one to a wedding at the last minute on Tinder had been dicey, sure, but you couldn't have anticipated this.
"Would you cut it out?"
"No." Patrick's refusal was muffled as he chowed down on another two mini crab cakes. You glanced around nervously, concerned that anyone you knew might see your plus one shoving every hors d'oeuvre that he could get his hands on into his mouth.
Finding your plus one to a wedding at the last minute on Tinder had been dicey, sure, but you couldn't have anticipated this.
The trade was straightforward: Patrick was your plus one to your friend's wedding, and you let Patrick shower at your place and crash at yours (or cover the cost of a motel for the night—he was cool with either).
But now, you were considering cutting ties early. If Patrick kept this up, then it defeated the whole fricking purpose of having him go with you in the first place. You didn't think that anything could be more embarrassing than showing up to a wedding alone while your ex was attending with his new girlfriend, but the way Patrick was stuffing his face was quickly proving you wrong.
"Seriously," You hissed, leaning in and elbowing him in the side, "You're either gonna choke, or I'm going to choke you."
Patrick grinned as he chewed, dusting off his fingers.
"Okay," He agreed before chasing the swallow with a swig of his beer. "Okay, you're right. I'll slow it down."
"Thank you."
"Need to save room for dinner, anyway. And cake. Are people still doing cake at weddings?"
"Sometimes."
"You think they will?"
"Honestly, they seem more like a dessert bar couple. They'll probably have a little cake for themselves."
"Explains why I haven't seen one." He folded his arms on the high table, glancing around the others mingling at cocktail hour. "Seen the ex yet?"
"No."
"You should've shown me a picture, I could keep an eye out for him, too."
"Better if you don't know what he looks like. Then you can be genuinely surprised if I introduce you."
"You don't trust my acting abilities?"
"With all due respect, you could be Ted Bundy 2.0 for all I know."
"Fake cast and missing puppy story not included."
You smiled in spite of yourself, and Patrick grinned.
"Tell me about yourself," He urged.
"What for?"
"Gotta pass the time somehow—especially if you're going to poo-poo me from the pu pu platter."
"There isn't a pu pu platter in sight."
"Can you just appreciate the joke?"
"It was a fine joke."
"C'mon. I mean, you're funny, you're gorgeous," He raised his hand, waving toward you, "Why does someone like you need to surf Tinder to find a plus one?"
You smiled, looking down at your drink.
"First of all, thank you."
"Anytime."
"Second of all...I don't know, since my ex left me I've been focusing on myself."
"No hoe phase?"
"Hoe—ly shit, you seriously talk to people you don't know like that?" You scoffed.
"I just mean, you know. Sometimes after a breakup, you wanna fuck around a little. Nothing wrong with that. It would explain why you're on Tinder."
"Oh? Is that you're on Tinder?"
"Honestly? No."
"Why, then?"
Patrick shrugged. "I like sex and sometimes I have trouble finding somewhere to sleep."
"How's that working?"
"Better than you'd think."
"Does the sex thing always happen?"
"Not always. I'm happy to crash on a couch."
"Mm."
"Not that I mind it when it happens. Thanks for answering my question, by the way."
"What do you mean?"
"About the hoe phase. You just said 'the sex thing' like it's a creature from the black lagoon."
"I did not—" You began to wind up for the next round of argument, but were cut off by the sound of your name being called. You winced, steeling yourself and urging, "Don't look."
"That the ex?"
"Yes."
"Perfect," Patrick stood up straighter, straightening his jacket. "Showtime."
"You sound way too excited—"
"Hey!" Your ex spoke up behind you, and you slapped a smile on, wheeling around and greeting, "Jeremy, hi!"
"How's it going?" Jeremy began to lean in for a hug, but went still when Patrick curled his arm around your waist. Your stomach flipped at the gesture, keeping your eyes carefully trained on Jeremy's face.
"It's going great, how are you?"
"It's good, it's good."
"Where's Francesca?"
"Oh, she's grabbing a drink."
"Awesome."
"You want another one, baby?"
Patrick's question threw you for a loop for a second, but you shook your head, smiling.
"I'm good, hon, but thanks."
"I don't think we've—met?" Jeremy's voice tipped up, and you had to fight off a laugh.
"I don't think you have. Jeremy, this is Patrick."
"Hi."
You watched Jeremy hold his hand out to shake, but Patrick just tightened his grip on your hip, drawing you a little closer as he offered, "Nice to meet you."
Jeremy's smile faltered as he drew his hand back, tucking it into his pocket.
"You two been together long?"
"Oh, gosh, a few months," You flubbed.
"How'd you, uh—How'd you meet?"
"At a match. I'm a tennis player."
"Oh! You any good?" Jeremy asked.
"He's the best," You answered without missing a beat.
Patrick chuckled softly, nose nudging against your cheek. "You're gonna make me blush, sweetie."
"Good," You smiled at him. A thrill shot through you as Patrick's eyes dipped to your mouth, and before you knew it, he was leaning in for a gentle kiss. You let your eyes slip closed, your lips working tenderly against his. Patrick's hand slid from your hip, sliding lower and palming your ass. You drew back, giving Patrick a warning look before turning to look at Jeremy again as he cleared his throat.
"I should go find Francesca."
"Sure! It was great seeing you."
"You, too—and nice meeting you, Patrick."
"Charmed," Patrick cooed. The two of you watched him turn, disappearing into the crowd.
"...That was good, right?"
"Yeah, it was good...Patrick?"
"Yeah?"
"Get your hand off of my ass."
"Sure." He gave it a pat before turning back to the table, eyeing a passing server's tray. "Is that shrimp cocktail?"
--
"That wasn't so bad."
"Are you asking me or telling me?"
"Little bit of both." Patrick leaned against your front hall wall. You took him in for a moment, taking in his loose tie, and his jacket where he was holding it over his shoulder.
"I think we were very convincing, so," You tipped your head from side to side. "You're right. It wasn't so bad. Thank you."
"Hey, sure. You can just venmo me."
"What?"
"For the motel."
"Oh! Oh, of course." You fished into your purse for your phone, biting your lip. To be honest, you'd been rethinking that particular part of the plan all evening. You hated to admit it, but Patrick was gorgeous, and had been so goddamn charming. He'd been funny, had made conversation with the other guests at your table, and he'd been perfectly affectionate—kisses on the cheek, the lips; a hand on your back, your waist. A time or two, he'd gazed into your eyes in a way that had felt so sincere and...Real.
Sure, he'd driven you nuts at the beginning of the evening, but he had grown on you.
"Um," You spoke up. "I was, uh...I was thinking."
"What about?"
"About the sex...Thing." You glanced nervously toward Patrick just in time to see his expression melt into flirty intrigue.
"Oh yeah?" He goaded. "What about it?"
You couldn't just come out and say it, right? You set your phone down on the counter and strode toward Patrick before you could talk yourself out of it. You grasped his rough cheeks, drawing him in for a kiss. He went without hesitation, dropping his jacket and curling his arms around you. You groaned softly, sliding a hand up into his hair and letting him steer you back against the wall. You parted your lips as Patrick's tongue probed them gently, his leg slotting between yours and rocking it back and forth.
You rolled your hips down against it, whining softly against his lips as his hands skimmed over your body. Patrick began to draw away, but you leaned up, catching hold of his lower lip with your teeth and giving it a rough bite. His hips jolted against yours, groaning low in his throat as you soothingly slipped your tongue along the skin.
"Do you still want me to Venmo you?" You asked.
"Not really. You still want me to crash on the couch?"
You hummed, pretending to contemplate before you let your hand slide from his curls to his neck.
"How about we start on the couch."
#Patrick Zweig x Reader#Patrick Zweig x You#Patrick Zweig/Reader#Patrick Zweig/You#Patrick Zweig fic#Patrick Zweig imagine#asks#replies#anon#kiss prompts
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NUMBER ONE GIRL
23. i gave my all (written)
prev // m.list // next
"Why are you so smiley?" Yeji asks, looking at you with an expression you can't quite read. It's almost as if she knows something you don't.
"I'm excited! I wrote this song and had a lot of fun doing it and the guys loved it." You say while brushing your hair, for some reason you want to look pretty tonight.
"So it's not about Yeonjun being there?"
"He was there last time," you try to defend yourself, " it's really not that big of a deal "
"I'm just saying," she smiles at your reflection in the mirror, "there's nothing wrong with liking someone."
"You think I like Yeonjun?"
"Doesn't matter what I think, but I feel like you need to hear it. It's totally fine if you like him, it's been amazing to see you all smiley and glowy again."
"What's that supposed to mean?" You ask genuinely confused. Sure, you'd been kinda off after breaking up with Sunghoon, but you wouldn't say it was that serious.
"It's been years since I've seen you this happy. You were fine with Sunghoon, but you weren't sparkling. Now, I'm not saying Yeonjun's like your soulmate or something like that, but you do have fun with him and there's just this aura around you... I'm probably not making any sense, but I just wanted to remind you that it's okay if you have feelings for him, or anyone else for that matter."
You want to ask why the sudden urge to say those things, but her phone rings and, judging by the big smile on her face, it probably is Felix so you smile at her and try to forget about it for the time being.
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Getting ready to perform is still new to you, there's just so much going on and you can barely catch up. You can't be more grateful for the two idiots with you who, surprisingly, always seem to know what they're doing.
"Everything okay?" If there's one thing you've noticed about Hyunjin is how caring he is. He may always seem to be distracted or uninterested, but he's always looking out for those he cares about.
"Yeah," you try to sound convincing, "I'm just nervous, I guess."
"If you get anxious on stage, it sometimes helps to focus on something... or someone."
There's that same smile again. Hyunjin and Yeji are definitely on to something, but you don't get to ask about it before Jisung tells you to get going.
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The view from the stage is one you'll never get used to. It's fun, of course it is, and you have a great time playing pretend with Hyunjin and Jisung, but you definitely feel way more comfortable being on the other side of the camera. This many people staring at you makes you feel anxious. You scan through the crowd, and see Sunghoon with Somi; he smiles at you awkwardly. You don't find in you to return the smile, but you do nod in his way.
And then you see him. Yeonjun is, just as he said, in the front row, next to his friends who are also cheering for you. You really appreciate Soobin's and Heesung's presence there, although you've just met them a handful of times, they look excited for you. However, you can't take your eyes off of Yeonjun.
Is it-
"You can do it!" Says Jisung with a hand on your shoulder.
Suddenly, you're more than aware of Sunghoon's eyes looking at you. It doesn't make sense for you to feel this anxious, you've done this a couple of times before and it was easy. Maybe because the first time you were pissed, and the second you were just a messenger for Hyunjin's feelings. Trying to sing something you wrote on your own was very different.
You're about to turn around, but you notice Yeonjun trying to catch your attention and gesturing for you to breathe deeply. You do as he tells you, mimicking his movements, and then you're unable to look in any other direction.
"Hi, everyone," your voice almost breaks. "We're still nameless but I'm sure you know my friends here so yeah. This is yet another original song and I'm personally proud of this one so I hope you enjoy it..."
You still feel weird. It's true that you already put an end to any negative feelings you had towards Sunghoon, but this is for you; for all of the months you spent wondering what you did wrong, for the time you lost blaming Sunghoon, for the guilt you felt, for your anger, your sadness, even your happiness. It's true that Sunghoon wasn't meant for you, that you've always worked better as friends, that he hurt you, that he made you happy, that he was there. This is a goodbye and a thank you.
And, still lost in someone's eyes, you think that maybe this is also a hello, a way to welcome new things to your life.
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The song ends and your friends cheer, even Sunghoon smiles and, surprisingly, Somi looks like she's having fun. You don't stop to question anything. A sudden urge to see someone takes over you and you find yourself running to get off the stage and straight to someone, but something great in your way.
Minho is standing in front of you and he seems sad and apologetic. Under different circumstances, you'd feel bad for him, but right now you just want to see someone else.
"Can we talk?" he asks grabbing your wrist so you don't go away. "Please."
You don't want to waste time, and neither do you want to be cruel.
"You have five minutes."
"I'm sorry. For everything. I genuinely thought I was looking out for you, but I didn't have the right to tell you who to be friends with."
"No, you don't have any right."
"I want us to start over. I haven't been fair to you and I hurt your feelings. I'm really sorry, and I do understand that you may not forgive me right now, but I really hope you can at least think about it."
"Why? You never wanted to be my friend in the first place. You can't even stand me."
"I won't explain my feelings for you right now, I just wanted to apologize." He looks into your eyes and there's something there, some longing you don't understand. "If you decide to give me a chance, then we can discuss anything else."
You watch him turn around and get lost in the crowd. Why did he have to be this way? You just can't understand what he's trying to achieve, but you don't have the time to dwell on it cause, as soon as he's gone, Yeji hugs you and says how proud she is of you.
"You did amazing!" Says Karina excited.
"We have to celebrate." Maybe, but you know Felix is just looking for an excuse to spend more time with Yeji.
"We do," Yunjin, to no one's surprise, agrees, "but I think someone is waiting for you." She steps aside and you can finally see Yeonjun waiting for his turn to congratulate you.
It's endearing how he, as tall as he is, manages to look so tiny and awkward standing there as if your friends (specifically Minho's friends) were some kind of feral wolves ready to attack him.
You walk up to him and can't even hide the smile on your face, "Waiting for someone?" You ask playfully.
"Thought you'd never notice, you're quite popular." He smiles.
"What can I say? I'm a charmer like that."
He laughs and you laugh with him. Is it weird that you can't stop smiling whenever he's around? You can't be this happy all the time, right? Isn't something supposed to balance it out?
"What are you doing tomorrow night?" He asks trying to look serious.
"I still don't know."
"Don't make any plans, we have to celebrate your first song ever!" He looks so excited.
"Why not tonight? I think we're going to the club so you could come and maybe invite your friends."
"I wouldn't want to impose and I saw you with Minho earlier so I don't want to risk the chances of running into him again." He looks upset at the thought of even being in the same room as Minho.
"Fine," you give in, "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Great!" You don't expect it, but he gets dangerously close to your face and kisses your cheek.
Before you can even react, he runs away and you're only sure it happened because Yeji is looking at you surprised.
"Don't even mention it!" You say before she even gets the chance to tease you.
She walks back to Felix, and Hyunjin takes her place beside you.
"Ready to get absolutely wasted?" You hear Hyunjin's excitement and you decide that's exactly what you're gonna do.
"Of course!"
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notes:
more drama 🤡
Minho was there because Chan invited him and no one seemed to have a problem with that
yn didn't talk to him tho, she still has a lot to think about
yn drunk texting yeonjun is entirely Hyunjin's fault lol
hope you enjoy it and I'm trying my best to keep a balanced pace but sometimes I get the feeling that it's kinda rushed
pls let me know what you think!
taglist: (35/50)
@estella-novella @poetryforthesad @lisaswifey @angelzforu @ihrtlix @gloriousqueenking @domfikeluva @circus-of-thoughts @conwunder @miniature-tragedy @jeonginplsholdmyhand @sh0dor1 @yourenzoo @tkshairband @realrintaro
#Spotify#kpop au#kpop smau#skz smau#txt smau#5targh0st#5targh0st number one girl#lee know imagines#lee know x reader#stray kids#tomorrow x together#le sserafim yunjin#itzy yeji#aespa karina#social media au#lee know smau#yeonjun imagines#kpop scenarios#skz x reader#skz imagine#skz imagines#txt scenarios#txt imagine#txt imagines#txt x reader#kpop imagine#kpop fanfic
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Your Demons Know Mine (Part Two)
Jason Todd x fem!reader
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/2a1b4ae89037b31e06b2e0da4025da9e/02cbf7ffc3911871-04/s540x810/2431ac5b4280c96d21737748f596e2fa25519b8b.jpg)
Part One - Mentions of violence and some of Jason's trauma
“We got the files you needed, I don’t understand what the problem is –”
You were cut off by a stern voice. You’d never heard Batman so livid, and it was a cold sort of anger that you weren’t used to. It made you and Red fall silent.
“How many times am I going to have to discuss your antics with you Hood?”
Nightwing, who you assumed was the one to contact Batman, stood before you now alongside Red Robin, the pair of them quietly watching this argument unfold.
You wanted to cast a glance over at Red. The anger was practically radiating off of his suit. “Almost beating a man half to death? Again?”
“You weren’t there! The prick had it coming!” Jason snapped back, his voice full of emotion now that his helmet was off and all he had was that domino mask.
Batman merely scoffed at Jason in response. “That’s no excuse! You were all given one clear rule-”
“We fight crime, shits gonna get ugly sometimes! Yet you act like you’ve never hit someone that hard before!” Jason took a step closer to Batman as he yelled.
I've never seen you hit Joker that hard, and you hate him.
The words Jason uttered to Bruce so long ago simmered in the back of his mind. Back when he was bloody and bruised at the hands of his own ‘father.’
Batman stood, rigid and full of rage before his demeanour suddenly seemed to change. His body language telling you his attention had turned to you.
“[Vigilante name].”
You wanted to grimace.
“How did you gain access to that room so quickly? How did you know the pin?”
Soon enough, everyone’s eyes settled onto you.
Oh hell no. The last thing you expected after this shitty night was to be at the centre of the conflict. You did not think Batman and his little soldiers would end up interrogating you.
You kept your arms crossed against your body, your glare meeting everyones before falling back onto Batman.
“What?”
“The. Pin. How did you attain it?”
You fought the urge to fiddle with the knuckle duster that still sat on your hand. Fought the urge to shift your feet on the ground. You felt Red turn to look at you too.
You nonchalantly shrugged. “I don’t just work for you. I have my own cases too, and I’ve been investigating here and there.”
Nightwing and Red Robin’s line of sight switched from you back to the Dark Knight, but both he and Hood seemed unconvinced.
Tension settled over the room like a weighted blanket. Still, you held your stance. Held eye contact even though all you were staring back at was a bat-like cowl with white casing over the eyes.
“You work for them, don’t you?”
Batman’s words sounded more like a statement rather than a question, and it made your skin crawl. How long did you really think you could hide your identity from the Bat? Nevertheless, the breach of privacy made anger ring like alarm bells in your head. Especially given one of the rules Batman laid upon you when he first met you; never try to discover anyone’s secret identity. Ironic.
“What do you mean? Why would I bring back these files if I were working for the bad guys?” You spat back, clearly becoming defensive.
Batman responded coolly, “I never said you were working for the ‘bad guys.’
You swallowed hard, and it no doubt went unnoticed by the two stupid detectives standing before you. Your glare snapped over to Red Robin, but he seemed a little sympathetic. Like he was pitying you for what was about to go down.
“The use of potassium? Your tendency to use chemicals instead of weapons when on patrol? There have been signs for a while.”
Now, you shifted on your feet. Whether it was because you were slowly becoming nervous or weary, you couldn’t tell. The only thought that brought you peace of mind was the fact that it seemed they still didn’t know your identity. Just where you worked.
You supposed you could live with that.
Batman continued, assuming he was indeed right.
“If that’s the case, our best bet is to have you work undercover.”
Your brows knitted together. “What do you mean?” You said once again.
“We’ll try and gain access to the security cameras. Give you advanced contact lens’ so we can see what you see when you go into work.”
Your guard dropped and instantly you were glowering at him. “Come again?”
This time, Nightwing responded. “It would help with the case [vigilante name].” He reasoned oh so diplomatically. “We could get inside intel and more.”
“We can’t let this get any worse.” Batman interjected, adding onto what Nightwing said.
Your mouth was agape as you stared at them both. “So you want me to willingly give away my identity?” You asked, astounded.
Jason’s gaze hung onto you, taking in the betrayal that made its way into your expression.
“No one would use it against you.” Nightwing said calmly.
“No, but you would all go along with your day feeling safe behind your masks and I would be exposed. That’s not fair.”
“This is for the safety of others.” Batman’s voice grew stern again. “It’s not about you.”
You scoffed before stepping back, and it almost sounded like a bitter laugh.
You couldn’t believe it. But a part of you also wasn’t so surprised either. Of course they didn’t trust you enough to allow you to keep your secret identity, just as they were keeping theirs. Of course they were acting like there would be no other way to crack this case and bring these people down. You would apparently have to reveal who you really were so that they could discover what your company was planning. And now all four bats were watching and waiting for you to remove your mask. You shook your head, heavy with disappointment.
All you wanted was to be defended, to have someone have your back just once –
“You can’t ask her to do that.”
Your head immediately snapped to look over at Red. He was standing tall, his body language sure as he spoke those seven words to Batman and Nightwing.
“Hood, stay out of –”
“No. That’s bullshit. We can do this without her removing the mask. We’ve done it a million times before.”
Those standing before them looked befuddled, and Red knew Bruce was probably swimming in rage at the fact that he was shitting all over his plan, but Jason didn’t care. In fact, the thought of it kinda made Jason happy.
Red Hood turned to face you, dark hair falling above his eyes and demons apparently rid from his mind. He was his old self again. His usual self, but then again not so much. He was being…sweet?
“You go to work, snoop around. Find out what you can and report back to us.”
You gave a curt nod in return, grateful to have him sticking up for you.
You quickly ignored that warmth that was beginning to spread through your chest and turned your gaze back onto the Bat.
“So?” You asked, eager to see if Batman would agree with Red’s proposition.
Bruce wasn’t happy, but he let it go. “Fine, get as much information as you can. We’ll discuss your encounter with that guard later.” He said to Red before leaving the cave.
And you did the same.
Jason watched as you instantly turned on your heel and headed towards your motorbike. Instinct told him to reach out to you. Ask you to wait a second. But he let you go.
It was late. Later than you usually stayed out on patrol. But you were high on agitation and adrenaline, and you wanted to get it out of your system. The cold Gotham breeze brushed through your hair and against your skin, carrying the scent of rain. You sat atop one of the tallest buildings in Gotham, tilting your head back to look up at the cloud riddled sky. Maybe you’d be forced to go back to your apartment by the rain. You let out another annoyed sigh, flipping your dagger around in your hand before launching to your feet.
You’d heard the footsteps from a mile away, and now they were close enough for you to confront them. The odds of it being a criminal or thug was low. You were expecting one of the men from the lab, maybe, but you were also expecting to see Nightiwng come and play devil’s advocate with you.
Instead, you were met with another one of those bright, red helmets.
“Someone’s a little tense.” He quipped as he still his movements so you realised he wasn’t a threat. He didn’t come to fight this time.
You lowered the hand that held your dagger before easily slipping it back into its sheath.
“You have a shelf full of those helmets?” You asked, nodding towards it.
You couldn't see it, but he was smiling. “Yeah, I got Batman to make about a dozen of them. Him being rich and all.”
Red walked across the rooftop, mirroring your movements as you began to slowly circle him.
“I wouldn’t know how rich he is, I don’t go around trying to discover everyone’s identity.” Bitterness laced your tone, but Jason could understand why.
“That’s just Bru- Batman.” He cleared his throat. “He’s paranoia and distrust incarnate.”
“Tell me about it.” You muttered, your eyes gazing back out to the skyline and city lights.
Something turned in your stomach, fluttered in your chest. “Thanks for standing up for me. I really didn’t want to blur the lines between my patrol life and work life.”
Red nodded, “Yeah…it’s fine. I get that.”
Fuck, now what was he supposed to say? He was too hung up on the fact that you had thanked him to think of a way to carry the conversation.
You both stood in silence, watching the city life below before you eventually side-eyed him. “So…how are you holding up?”
With the way he looked back at you, you just knew he had an eyebrow raised.
Not knowing how to bring it up, you had your dagger in your hand again as it turned between your gloved fingers. “The crowbar?” Your voice was quiet.
Oh, that.
Red faced away from you. “Yeah..” He moved his large arms as if to stretch them before eventually turning to face you again. “It was nothing.”
A part of you was so horrendously curious as to why the brash and fearless Red Hood buckled when he saw a crowbar, but you weren’t going to urge him. Push him to reveal something he so clearly didn’t want to acknowledge.
You shrugged. “We all have something we would rather not face.” With the cool breeze picking up you crossed over arms over your body.
Jason didn’t miss the affliction in your eyes as you stared out at that morbid city.
“You?” He asked, his body ever so slightly inching closer towards yours.
You looked back at him before looking down at his thighs. “Yeah, those things.” You said.
He looked down at the guns strapped to him.
Something ate away at Jason once he realised.
So he was using the one thing you couldn’t stand?
His main weapon was your crowbar…
“That why you would rather give people nerve damage with your chemicals?”
You rolled your eyes. “Don’t even Red.”
He gave a light snicker and it immediately made your head spin.
No, this was not how you two were supposed to interact with each other.
You eagerly ignored that feeling in your chest. “Well, I have work to do tomorrow. Chemical testing, snooping, etc, etc.”
Jason caught the hint it was time to go your separate ways and call it a night.
“Mm, come back to us with some intel and you might be able to earn some trust Dr.”
You narrowed your eyes at him but a smirk dusted your face at the mention of his new nickname for you. It started out just being shithead, then he referred to you as a fox.
‘Sly as a fox.’
Sometimes he’d call you alchemist, but now it was Dr.
You flicked your hand at him as if you were swatting away a fly. “Yeah, yeah, cause that’s what I aim for in life. Earning the Bats trust.”
And in a blink of an eye, you had dropped down off of the rooftop.
Now it was just Jason, the wind and car horns from down below.
He drew in a deep breath, letting the coldness fill his chest as he thought about how your ‘friendship’ had taken such a turn.
But as Jason romanticised what could be, you couldn't help but feel you needed to re-drive a rift between this growing friendship. Not because you disliked what was slowly growing between you two, it actually made you a little giddy...but that was the problem.
lmk what ya'll think cause I might make this a series :)
#jason todd#jason todd imagine#jason todd x reader#jason todd x y/n#jason todd x you#jason todd x fem!reader#red hood angst#red hood imagine#red hood x reader#red hood#red hood x fem!reader#red robin#nightwing#batman#dc comics#dc universe#dcu#angst#jason todd angst
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I realyyyy love angst :D
There's a oneshot or a scenario that i've been thinking about that's been rotting all over my head where what if reader / s/o is in their deathbed and about to die soon to a uncurable illness and (character) (i guess chuuya or sigma? idm) who thinks of reader as someone special to them is watching over them until their very last breath
LIKE
WHAT WILL THWY DO AND HOW WILL THEY REACT BEFORE AND AFTER DEATH!?!?
Haha my silly little idea is getting the best of me i just wanted to share this idea because i want my feelings to get hurt
❝ until your last 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉 ˎˊ˗
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/2677a2db2399d6059ac0a7147c030f8f/489785e29903cd2d-bc/s540x810/1a4e3eddb42f1947de89a392b914c50196028051.jpg)
warnings: death . characters: dazai osamu, atsushi nakajima, sigma, fyodor dostoevsky, chuuya nakahara . synopsis: their s/o is on their deathbed, they all have their own ways of coping with it . a/n: sorry this took me so long to get to, i was thinking very hard! i hope this is to your liking and you don’t mind little ideas like this instead of a scenario ^^;
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c0c18424c0b4bc2484daeca9f08f5bb4/489785e29903cd2d-b5/s540x810/5b999b623282d3a6e7e5d07e0a20f0c33ac56ce6.jpg)
DAZAI —
— Dazai doesn’t know what to exactly make of the whole situation, you are so incredibly important to him and now he’s going to lose you? It’s sending him into a downward spiral.
— He refuses to touch you anymore, he just can’t do it
— He wants to make the most out of what little time you have left together but he also has an urge to cut ties with you and make it easier on both of you
— He eventually decides that he can hold your hand at least while you lay in that hospital bed
— After you pass, he tries his best to take care of himself because he knows that’s what you’d want, but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard
— He visits your grave frequently at first, then it dies down to your birthday, anniversaries, and holidays
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/e06f1e9316ca9fffd188d1668140d189/489785e29903cd2d-6d/s540x810/3b1383db50d948e8c66525232f3d003f4d2d810e.jpg)
ATSUSHI —
— He has been keeping a close eye on you since he first noticed you were sick, and he’s been taking great care of you ever since! However, that doesn’t stop the inevitable
— When he heard the news, tears welled in his eyes and he had to excuse himself, he didn’t want to cry in front of you
— He kept you company as much as he could
— On days where he had a lot of work, he’d ask someone else like Kyouka to go check on you
— He would prepare little lunch boxes for you every day and bring them to you
— He brings a lunch box to your grave for you
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SIGMA —
— He paced around a lot in the hospital room, especially after he heard the news
— He tried so hard to think of a solution but nothing realistic came to mind
— He had you come stay in a room at the casino so he could at least still be close to you even when he had work
— Your room was kept away from any other visitors and was close to his office, making it easy for him to check on you
— He asked his staff members to change your glass of water frequently and give you a new warm blanket when you needed it
— He kept himself busy with work to try and keep away the dread of your passing
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a8b8a7cb5502ff80aac0ddceb8b3a42f/489785e29903cd2d-7e/s540x810/990d1694a98f7523e3451104d24d1252f9eb2257.jpg)
FYODOR —
— After hearing the news, he decided it would be best to care for you at home instead of being kept in such a dreary hospital
— He would read books to you to keep you entertained
— He’d bring his laptop into your room sometimes so that he could at least keep you company even while he worked
— He’d cook soup for you frequently, sometimes even feeding it to you
— He asks you if you have any wishes before you go, he doesn’t want you leaving with any regrets, and he does whatever he can to make it all come true
— He attends to any possible unfinished business you may have before your passing so that you can go without worry
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/72922bc97e1403165a69bf52bd37eeb3/489785e29903cd2d-67/s540x810/3d7859ac228b31b3b231b9da4412ed7fe62d0193.jpg)
CHUUYA —
— He really doesn’t believe it at first
— He contacts Mori and asks him to look over the medical records and tell him the truth; Mori tells him that it is in fact all real
— He’ll often sit next to you and squeeze your hand, refusing to let go
— He’ll fall asleep with you in your hospital room, draped over you in your bed
— He sits next to you and cuts your apple slices into bunnies, or sometimes other, more intricate shapes
— He asks you often if there’s anything you need him to do for you, also wanting to fulfill any last wishes you may have
— He makes sure you have a proper funeral, he’s tired of those he cares about not getting one.
#ෆ┊¡ penned by val#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bsd x reader#bsd dazai#dazai osamu#dazai x reader#bsd atsushi#atsushi nakajima#atsushi x reader#bsd sigma#sigma x reader#bsd fyodor#fyodor dostoevsky#fyodor x reader#bsd chuuya#chuuya x reader#chuuya nakahara
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Okay so I know I just hit you all with the controversial chestnut poll, but I have some new development in life that I want to complain about, and in order for me to complain about it, I need to give you the context.
I don't particularly want to give you the context. You're going to diagnose me with female socialization, and some of you will feel the urge to click the anonymous ask button and tell me off. Today I need you to fight that urge! I am feeling insecure, I am feeling lost, I'm not certain in my choices, I've acted without thinking, and got myself into a situation I can't control. So please don't be mean to me. I deserve to complain on the internet and not be called out, alright?
So this is the story of how I accidentally became a live-in caretaker for an injured, elderly woman. It's temporary! She'll get better, hopefully.
I worked for her occasionally, and she's always been kind to me. She would give me a little jar of jam sometimes, and I love little jars of jam, it's a way to win my heart. A few days ago, she called me in a panic, telling me she fell, and she needs my help. I came over, and found out she broke her arm in two places, and one of her rib is broken. She fell unconscious, after being dizzy all day, and fell on a big metal lantern, breaking it. She was now in so much pain she couldn't get up by herself, dress herself, or do any kind of household tasks. She went to the ER, got her arm wrapped up, and was trying to get a pain injection. I helped her get trough the day, and promised to come early next morning, to help her up from the bed.
Next day I found her in tears in her bed, unable to get up, desperate to go to the bathroom. It became clear she needed 24/7 assistance, and she asked me if I would move in until she got better. I said yes without thinking, because I was at this point, severely concerned, and wanted to do anything to help her out.
So this is all not so bad, right, I'm being normal, it's normal to offer help to an injured elderly woman who is nice, but there's a catch. She doesn't live alone. She lives with her older husband. Who is also disabled and can't help her at all. So in order to help her out.. I had to move into a place where a male lives. That is the worst part of this.
I'm still in the first few days of living like this, and my own life had to fall to the background. I can't go foraging for chestnuts every day, I can't go to my garden as much, I'm still going to work, just from her place. I'm overwhelmed and struggling to get used to the new situation. I'm not used to being around people at all, and now I'm forced to socialize almost all day. Caring for someone comes fairly natural! I'm already so in sync with her, she can just look in the certain direction and I know what she wants me to do. I've figured out where everything is in her kitchen, closet, and basement. She's pleased that I know how to do basic household tasks, and am willing to do it in her way. And she's nice, she's telling me things like 'thank you' and 'what would I do without you', which feels good. But I am very exhausted and sleep deprived, she wakes me up at 1am, and then 5am again, and I'm unable to fall back asleep in a room I lack familiarity with. I miss my room.
She and her husband said they were going to pay me, and in my natural ways, I said something like 'no you don't need to' which I feel like everyone will get mad at me for, but they did insist they would pay me anyway. I as usual lack the sense to care about money – someone's arm is broken, that's way more serious issue to me!
Alright so now to the part of the post I wanted to write, a fun poll where you guess, what has her awful husband done by this point :) go ahead and guess!
You have one day to guess! Which one of these scenarios happened in the first few days of his wife breaking three bones in her body. I'll tell you the correct option tomorrow!
#caring for and injured person#accidentally became live in nurse#i feel unqualified#and psychologically a bit shattered because my daily life changed so severely#i miss my lifeee#but this is not forever#it's going to be okay#i hope
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I realized something this morning.
This is probably gonna be a long post. (Edit, yep)
I'm a pretty fairly public figure on the internet, and I very regularly interact with a huge amount of people. From YouTube Comments to Discord to Tumblr Asks/Comments to Newgrounds Reviews to MMO Chat to Mic-Chat on Games to Twitch Chat to Stream Chat, blah blah blah.
I've, for years now, over a decade (hell over two decades) talked to probably thousands of people, and have been able to get a gauge on a pretty safe to say "average" of collective human intelligence on the internet.
I've come to realize that not everybody has that kind of experience talking to people online as I do. I've talked to literally thousands, probably near ten thousand, people online in my life.
This is a staggeringly high number and puts me in an outlier position among the rest of you, who likely have only interacted with a double digit number of people online in your life.
Now that you have that information in mind, here's what I realized this morning.
I realized that the reason I don't listen to people, ESPECIALLY when it comes to politics, is because I have learned through talking to all these people that fucking nobody knows what they're fucking goddamn talking about.
I study a lot of things in my spare time, and history is a huge one that I study. I very regularly read and listen to multiple sources talking about historic events, and I make sure to look at as many sources as possible, sometimes including reading encyclopedias in my own home that we've owned for like 40 years.
I cross-reference all of these things and paint a picture of the most likely truths through various means.
Why's that important? Because sometimes a 14 year old on Twitter, literally nearly less than a third my age, will occasionally come along telling me that I'm wrong. Not about history necessarily, but about some opinion that I have based on my own experience and my own knowledge that I've researched myself.
I usually ask them where they got their information, and I'm met with boldfaced idiocy. Completely braindead shit like "180,000 people said it on Twitter," or they link me a Tumblr post with 100k notes, or they say "It's common knowledge," (which is the biggest red flag of them all because not only does it prove they have no evidence to back up what they're saying, but as this post will go on to explain, "common knowledge" is quite literally the worst source of information on anything. People commonly think the earth is flat and that Scientology is real. People commonly think that walking under a ladder or breaking a mirror gives you bad luck. People commonly think that naturally blue food exists.)
In my life I have met thousands of people, and THOUSANDS of them are fucking idiots who very very smugly state completely incorrect knowledge. Earlier today someone tried to tell me that the creators of Beat Saber never sold the company to Facebook, and I showed them proof and they went silent for 3 hours and then went "Yeah so what, Facebook is still a good company" and I wanted to beat my head against the desk.
The internet is full of people who are fascinatingly ignorant. I'm not calling myself "better" or "smarter" than anyone here, I'm just saying that I have learned better than most people that people on the internet are not, and never fucking will be, a good source of information. I don't care if they're your best fucking friend, the coin-toss of them knowing what they're talking about or actually having the facts is so heavily weighted against them, it's seriously like a 98% chance they have no fucking clue what they're talking about.
I urge everyone to take a moment and realize that the internet is, in fact, a good place to find information and do research, but PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET, especially MEDIA AND SOCIAL MEDIA, are NOT SMART PEOPLE AND ARE NOT GOOD SOURCES FOR YOUR INFORMATION.
These are angry, smug, annoying little idiots who are likely 14 years old with a 1st grade reading comprehension who aspires to be a TikTok content creator as a career, and under no fucking circumstance should you ever, ever, EVER listen to any social, financial, religious, gendered, medical or political advice they give.
The world has gotten vastly out of control with how much people think "A lot of people agree with me" is a good enough reason to solidify your opinions. "A lot of people agree" is the biggest red flag ever, because people on the fucking internet are complete fucking idiots, I'm sorry, but I'm someone with far more experience talking to people on the internet than literally any of you reading this. I talk to people on the internet as a career and have been doing this for longer than most of you reading this have been alive.
So what's the point of this? What's the take-away?
The take-away is that I'm saddened by how many people will attack each other vehemently, cut off friends and family members, label people as toxic or problematic, jump to conclusions, etc. based on complete and utter misinformation spouted to them by people who have never once in their entire life actually looked up what the fuck they're talking about. They treat random strangers on Twitter as "experts" because that person is well articulated or put together a YouTube video with really good editing that's softly spoken by a British accent guy and has scary music whenever some "evil" person is on the screen.
The take-away is that people, like yourself (don't you dare try to deny it) will just believe whatever they read on social media, or whatever their Discord friend-group is talking about, because they are living in a complete falsehood that people on the internet know better than they do.
You are not incapable of doing your own research. You are not incapable of finding the truth. You are not stupid. Just do your own research, look into things yourself, cross-reference, use the scientific method, go to a library, read books, for fuck sake please adopt the basic social skill of "If someone says it on the internet it is most likely not true and I should look into it myself."
Because the current state of people is monstrous.
Y'all get so fucking mad about things that are just plain not true, and you revolve your entire life around things you were told by complete idiots and/or children on Twitter and other social media websites.
Stop.
Look at yourself, look at how angry you get about things, and consider that there may be a possibility that anger stems from a complete lack of any foundation or truth in your own beliefs.
Consider the almost 100% guaranteed possibility that you have been blatantly lied to by people who have no fucking idea what they're talking about, and that you are violently upholding standards that are incorrect because you have placed trust in the word of untrustworthy people.
Look up confirmation bias, read about it.
Look up manipulation tactics, read about it.
Look up "Plato's Republic" and read about it.
Absolutely, under no circumstances, should you ever, EVER, form your social or religious or political or financial or gendered or sexual etc. opinions based on SHIT YOU READ ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
And while we're here, don't listen to the news either. They're just a bunch of parrots saying what needs to be said to get you all fighting with each other so that the government can fuck things up while you're distracted. Do your own research, check multiple sources, don't consider social media or regular media to be a 'source,' get every bit of information from every angle, and for fuck sake, stop attacking people for disagreeing with you when you, yourself, only believe what you believe because your friend group believes it and you know that if you disagree with your friend group they'll all attack you so you'd rather be on their side, which only further proves my point that y'all need to fucking chill.
"Democracy will never work. If 3 medical experts tell you that you must eat a ginger root to cure your ailments, but 100,000 idiots with no medical experience tell you otherwise, you're more likely to believe the 100,000 idiots. They are louder, there are more of them, and you will gamble on the hope that among those 100,000 idiots, there must be more than 3 medical experts. The voice of the ignorant will always drown out the voice of the educated."
-Plato's Republic, 375BCE (Paraphrased)
"I can't believe Jay just called us all idiots and expects us to listen to him"
-Someone in the comments of this (It's gonna happen)
PS: If you looked up "Naturally Blue Food," and found out it does in fact not exist, good for you for doing your own research!
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To hunt or be hunted.
Alastor x reader x Lucifer
Chapter 3 Warnings: mentions of injuries.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4c91342611438864eb86ab77c598feb7/1ed427a2d7fb98cc-6e/s540x810/93d317286ff7f56394fd1b688a3fd83214588702.jpg)
“Who is she? The demon living in between the walls?” his severe tone made Charlie’s legs quiver, Alastor’s smile widened when he noticed. “Dad, what are you talking about?” she still tried to remain calm and cheerful, “You know, I thought I was going crazy, but then she delivered tea to my room” ‘Fast, think Charlie’ she encouraged herself, her thoughts going through your bond straight into your ears.
“There’s someone living in the walls?” Angel asked at the same time as Vaggie and Husk, intensifying the princess’s panic, “Dad it’s just a spell I managed to learn, after the extermination I've been working on my powers” a half-lie half-truth, but that seemed to do the trick.
Not because Charlie was any good at lying, but because the rest decided not to question her, why would they? Especially her father, who relied on denial, incapable of willingly accepting his daughter’s lies, rather a consequence of isolation and desperation to have a good relationship with her, even if that meant that he would have to be lied to.
Meaning, a deep part of him was aware it was a lie, but the rest decided to let it slide, painfully so.
“Yeah? Well your ‘spell’ needs work, it’s snappy” he joked, his mask better than his fake optimism. “I’ll see to it, dad” then she excused herself to the kitchen, being followed by a dark figure.
“My dad saw you” she busted inside, closing the door and sealing the noise inside. You accidentally dropped the spoon you were using to sample the salt level of the broth, giving the startle, which the princess earned a grimace in return.
“Technically no, I was using my veil” she huffed, her horns growing on her head, “Did you tell him anything?” she was desperate to know, giving how much her hands trembled, “Only that he looked anemic, which it’s true, then he asked for who I am, twice” There was no point in neglecting lunch simply because Charlie was suffering from a tantrum due to lack of control over her own emotions, and a lie that was eating her soul.
“What did you respond to?” she slammed her fist against the kitchen island, breaking the marble underneath, causing one or another shard to bury itself into her soft skin. “Just that it was none of his business” you lowered the heat under the pot, then turned to see the princess attempting to take the little pieces of stone out of her hand.
“This is bad” referring to the situation, she kept hurting herself, until you took her wrist and levitated the shards off and threw them in the garbage. “If you like them so much, why do you keep lying? You’ve seen the worst of everyone, I don’t think they will judge you, they can’t anyway” the first aid kit levitated off the cupboard, eagerly opening its lid to reveal alcohol, povidone, cotton and bandages.
“How do you confess such a thing? I have two years left to convince you, and I still haven’t made progress” she spoke as she hissed from moment to moment, feeling the sting of the alcohol cleaning her cuts, then she watched as the bandages snaked from her wrist to wrap itself around her hand, then mimicked with the color of her skin, completely invisible.
“Is it really so hard for you to understand that I don’t need to be saved?” she lifted her sight from her hands to your eyes, “I can’t just give up on you” it’s funny how you understood her urge, but simply couldn’t put up with her selflessness (obsession) sometimes.
“You can, you just don’t want to” you looked over your arm, admiring the reminiscing of your deal tattooed to your skin, like a vine threatening to tear you apart. “Anyways, quit stirring your oatmeal around, you have to eat it” Charlie gave you a pout, you knew she hated it, but since you became aware of her habit, you made sure to give her a heavy breakfast, “But the texture” she whined, getting no reaction from you.
When she left, you noticed the deer demon’s shadow attached to the princess’s, you made sure to step on it to avoid an escape on its part.
It gave you a guttural whine giving the strength of your hold, “Tell Alastor that I’ll give him roasted venison’s heart as a treat if he holds his peace” he made a thinking face, then materialized words in the air, saying “My lips are sealed up tight as a drum, chérie” then your ominous buddy slithered under the door and out of sight.
Later in the evening, around tea time, while you were cutting the heart into bite size pieces, you heard a thundering crash, a yell and things breaking. You let your nerves ease, Lucifer was in the building so he could handle things if they escalate to a mortal edge, so instead of worrying you let the meat marinate in a mixture of buttermilk, salt, lemon juice, various herbs, and spices.
“Y/n!” you heard the summon, “Valentino is in the hotel, please…handle the situation” you set the knife down, turned off the stove, “I’m on it” and disappeared from the kitchen in a swirl of smoke.
The scene in the lobby was horrible, the moth demon had Angel in his grasp in any way possible, one hand on his chain, two hands handling all his arms, and the remaining one fondling him with the tip of a gun.
The star’s body was bruised up to no end, mouth coughing blood, and had cigarette burns along his hands and arms. Since he had a gun, there wasn’t much the crew could do, approaching Valentino would cause Angel’s death, no matter the strategy any of the present could think of.
In between Charlie’s pleas, Vaggie and Husk’s threats, and Vox’s amused laugh, the hotel’s phone rang. The sound drawing everyone’s attention, Niffty took the old looking phone off its base, “Hello? Oh hi! Yes, he’s here, It’s for you” Vox took a few steps forward, took the phone reaching it to his ear level.
What he heard froze every liter of blood in his body, his hands, the only skin visible, paled as the voice on the other side of the line, was one he thought no longer walked this earth.
“Child” you smiled, he could feel it, “Mistress” a crawling sensation invaded Valentino´s spine, nearly cracked his neck as he violently turned his head towards his friend, “There’s a total of three thousand five hundred and seventy-five employers inside the V tower” he tried accessing his tower security camera system, but there was no connection, there was a complete blackout inside the building.
“Truly the role of overlord turned into a joke” Vox felt a pang in his side and a nauseating sensation,
“Please, please, please, don’t-” begged a voice that turned into drowned screams, “The last time we had a conversation, I taught you a lesson, recite it for me, every word that you get wrong will result into the number lowering 10 employers each” Vox swallowed a lump of saliva, as he felt the cold traveling from his toes to his neck, every bolt in his body fighting to flow correctly as he tried to re formulate a speech from thirty years ago.
“The job of an Overlord-”he lost his words, on the phone he heard it, ten times a crunching sound ten times in a row, “Again” your voice brought him back, “The role of an Overlord sovereign, is not only to torment the souls he possesses. He must be disciplined, sane, cold headed, and have the will to care for those who grant him his position and power” of 37 words he had 6 mistakes, which resulted in seventy deaths, counting in the first ten.
“Do you or Valentino enter in such a description?” his ego killed himself when he had to answer, “No”, that made you smile, “What are you now and what you’ll always be?” you had to admit, the view from the top of the tower was exquisite, the warm light from the city reflected on your figure, your ax glowing in the darkness drenched in tears, blood and saliva.
“An overpowered…pest” Vox answered, being seen by his nemesis Alastor such a state of shame, being ridiculed in front of the king of hell himself, and what’s worse, his drone was angled in a way his little stunt was streamed live all over hell, that was truly a delicious sight.
“Good boy” Valentino felt sick hearing you take a different modus operandi, usually you were one to jump from nowhere and strike, not to sacrifice ‘innocents’ as a way of extortion.
“Let’s make it fun, mh? Leave the star be, and maybe I’ll consider not paying your other V a visit” Angel heard most of everything, giving that Vox made sure the phone was in between him and the moth, so he was being obligated to hear the slaughter.
“Val” the two overlord exchanged a look, Valentino groaned adding strength to the hold, making Angel cry in pain, “If I hear another sound of his throat I’ll knock down Velvette’s door” the two Vee’s heard their teammate voice at the distance, right in between your warning.
It all fell onto Valentino’s shoulders, but even him wasn’t that dumb, he walked forward with Angel, placing him at arm's reach from Charlie, then he let go, “It’s done” you walked far from the door as you heard the bitterness in his voice, “Lovely, now, put Alastor on the line, please” he did as told, as the smiling demon hit him with an amused look on his face.
“Vox” he placed the phone near himself, “I better don’t catch you lurking around in the district” when you wanted to, your voice could be as warm as a fireplace in winter, but also as cold as being buried alive under a snow avalanche. “Understood” he passed the phone to Alastor, shakily so.
“Hello?” Charlie was stunned, Alastor’s mannerisms shifted, she wasn’t sure how, but they did. “Let me know when they leave” he heard the lack of amusement in your voice, the same you had back at his old studio. “They’re out” he said as soon as the door closed.
“Good, you’ll get your reward when I come back” You lowered the trinket that could be called a telephone, however the static of his voice caught your attention, “Vais-je m'entendre avec votre compagnie, ou me laisserez-vous manger tout seul ?” (Will I get it along with your company, or will you let me eat all by myself?) Alastor caught Charlie then Lucifer’s stare, both surprised at the new voice he used when speaking French, smooth, velvety even.
“Will it make you happy if I joined you?” he wasn’t expecting you to understand him, but it pleased him to no end, “Oui chérie” (Yes darling), his antics made you miss the old times, “Maybe some other time, I am running late for dinner preparations” his smile didn’t faltered, but he was disappointed, “I’ll make sure to leave a glass of wine waiting for you in your studio, maybe in exchange of another song?” Charlie would have your head on the wrong end of her trident if you were to neglect your job.
“Merci chérie, which will that be?” you took a moment to process how attractive his voice sounded, before answering, “Surprise me” then you hang up.
Later that evening, Charlie repeated the way she wished to talk with you, busting the door open and sealing the noise, “What’s going on with you and Alastor?” ‘Straight to the point I see’ you thought while stirring the pesto sauce to fully combine it with the pasta.
“Nothing, merely sympathy towards a comrade” perhaps that wasn’t the right term, but it was what you could think of, “You two had met already?” she made her way to the cupboard, taking out a few plates, “Not directly, but I like to think we both were aware of the other, but simply decided not to engage” it would’ve been deadly to have done so, perhaps for both Alastor and yourself.
“Dinner’s ready, since I am not to be seen, I guess you can take it from here, make sure Angel eats it all” you left her even more confused than when she walked in.
Alastor made his way to his studio after dinner, finding the cooked little bits of venison carefully plated, next to a glass of Pinot Noir wine. He would never utter noises that would degrade his beloved reputation, but at the first bite, he couldn’t resist letting a small moan escape his throat.
At 3 am, the so-called ‘Devil's hour’, a knock interrupted Angel’s poor attempt to patch his wounds up, “Charlie, it’s late for ya’ to be…who are you?” he opened the door, finding you, fresh from the shower, it may have been a bit insulting to show up in your ruined working attire all drenched in blood, so you thought best to freshen up before making an appearance.
“I believe you already know that” he recognized your voice, it made his breath hitch, “What are you doing here?” his courage faltered giving his wounds, but if he was going to die by your hand, he wasn't going to go quietly.
“I've been in your place before” Angel’s eyes fell upon the red tin box, then scoffed, “Yeah sure” his strength faltered, laid his side against the door frame, trying to make it look cool, but failing.
“Whether you believe me or not it’s not my concern, however, those wounds will get infected if not treated correctly, giving your line of work that would be a tragedy” Angel pondered for a second, in defeat he pushed the door to open it completely, granting you access.
“Exactly how you’ve been in my place before?” he asked, watching you take a seat in his bed, taking multiple things out of the box, “You are one of four demons with powers to the level of royalty, you own thousands if not millions of souls, you dared to challenge the fucking Goetia clan and won! I doubt you were ever in pain before” he sat next to you, your image above the rest popping into his head like an epic cinematic of a great villain arc.
He then had to snap out of it due to a sound, “You fucking laughin’ at me?” you held your laughter against the inside of your clothed elbow, making the spider feel embarrassed and a little scared. “I apologize, but your ignorance astounds me” you signaled him to wait, with a snap of your fingers there was a bowl of warm water and a cotton rag, applying an antiseptic to the water before starting to palp softly on Angel’s wounds.
“The correct terminology is ‘were’ dearest, I used to be that kind of demon, now, I’m just here to aid you” Angel found that hard to believe, but didn’t question you, rather enjoyed your care.
“Is it true?” After a long time of you washing him, he broke the silence, making you look up from the cigar burns on his hands, “Did you really murdered three Goetia?” that brought you memories, when you were young and hungry for power, almost nostalgic.
“What would make you believe me? Their severed heads or the scars on my body? Because I can only offer the latter” he hissed when the rubbing alcohol touched the cut on his eyebrow, “People say you had their heads hanging on your wall as trophies” you laughed again, people’s bad mouthing can get to be really impressive, imaginative even.
“I would truly be a monster if I didn’t offer my fallen opponents a dignified burial, don’t you agree?” You had challenged three lesser lords to duel, to death of course, which they had agreed to, spoken and on paper, you would never be as foolish as just bust the door open and kill whomever.
“Please don’t speak of my presence here, if you are good, I’ll make cannoli for tea time” he could see that you were in a similar situation as his, being owed, as well as your subtle urgency. “Sure toots, I won’t”.
“Hey, can I ask, why Axe-man?” he spoke, when you were finishing to brush alcohol on the cuts on his back, “The local paper and the New Orleans police named me that, I just didn't want to change it when I got here, and people respect a man more than a woman, or that’s how it used to be” he didn’t needed stitching, if Valentino wanted to really hurt him, you’d probably would have to sew limbs together.
“That’s it? I mean…I thought it was something a bit more dramatic” you despised (understatement) the new York accent he spoke with, but he was nothing like the Italian mobsters of yesteryear, he walked with the grace of a runway model, proud of his looks, his fame, himself, but masked all his pain and self-loathing within. You felt as if you were staring at a younger version of yourself, so full of life, yet lacking purpose.
“Well, at the time no one could think a woman was smart enough to participate in politics, much less kill someone, I embraced that alter-ego over time, it became a second skin…so to speak" it was wise to believe that last statement.
Angel hummed in agreement, getting a good look at you. Yellow-beige skin; the heel of your hand was hard and rough probably because of your lion looking appearance, big fluffy yellow ears on each top side of your head almost disappearing into your hair. Taking out the ears, the long heavy tail, and the black cat nose you have, you could pass for a human, or almost looking similar to Charlie.
He was so tempted to touch your tail, the color that matched your skin and the ears, but you got up before he could reach.
“Now, take those pills, every six to eight hours should help with the pain and the swelling, I suggest you take it at a much appropriate time” he watched you as you gracefully poured tea into a white and pink tea cup, leaving it on his night stand along with a little biscuit.
“Thank you” your ears twitched happily, “My pleasure, rest” never, not to any living soul, would you admit that you enjoyed being useful, but it made you feel lighter, like breathing fresh air for the first time.
“By the way, the butler aesthetic suits you, ya’ look hot” he praised, biting a biscuit with a smile.
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Hazbin Taglist: @mysterypotatoink @sibsteria @cherry-cola-100 @readergirlstuff @phoenixica24 @martinys-world @alientee @jellyroom2 @jewelsrules @zealousllamawolf @kittycat246 @littlebluefishtail
#hazbin hotel#alastor#alastor x reader#alastor hazbin hotel#alastor the radio demon#radio demon#hazbin lucifer#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel lucifer#lucifer smut
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Do you understand aro-? I don't, but I would like to. Google is only so reliable explaining stuff like this. I've noticed when asking anyone about something one doesn't understand, they need to be careful who, what, and how they ask, because people get easily offended.
If you do know, that would be great, but if you don't or don't feel comfortable answering, I understand.
Thank you.
Hi anon!
If you decide to come back you can have 💘 anon (funny little bit of irony with that one).
If you follow me for long you'll eventually learn that I'm aromantic and allosexual (I'll discuss that below). My sexuality is omnisexual. So I am totally comfortable answering. Asking someone is often the best way to learn!
One of the most important things to know about aromanticism is that it is a response to one's cultural definition of romance. Let's use a pretty well-known example from Western media: buying flowers for your partner. That's not universal, but since I was raised in American culture that's often a gesture used between romantic partners. So, for this intro to aro, think of romantic comedies or things you associate with expressions of romance.
Aro is a spectrum just like anything else and sometimes an aro person might feel romance-adjacent feelings or they may never feel them. Here's some notes from my experience: I do not enjoy or want to cuddle or have someone hold my hand as we walk in public; I do not enjoy "dating" with dinners and movies and all that (I've tried it, not for me); I have said 'I love you' to a partner or two and tried to deny I was aro for many years in a relationship that appeared outwardly romantic.
However, I feel love. Here's the most important bit: aros can feel love. We just don't usually feel the kind of love that is romantic. I find it off-putting and a little co-dependent but that has been my experience from an aro pov. To someone who enjoys it, craves it, feels it, maybe that doesn't feel like co-dependence to them. It usually feels like the person who feels romance towards me becomes clingy and needy and a bunch of adjectives I hate to use because it makes me sound judgmental and I don't judge them! They just naturally had those feelings when I didn't.
When I think about what arm means, I think about all the things I don't want in my life: a partner who would want to move in/get married, being felt pressured to tell someone I love them when they get those feelings for me, but this isn't true for all aros. I do feel love, and deeply, for friends and family and for humanity. I just don't feel the natural urge to "fall in love" and when I thought I had in the past it was more to please the other person (before I accepted I was aro).
However, I love to have sex. I don't want a romantic sexual partner at all. I have tried and it isn't worthwhile for me. That's why we can add "allo" like ace's can add "ace" after aro. So on to allo...
Aro has nothing to do with ace/asexuality. It's more common to hear about aroace, but I'm not and can't speak to that experience. I'm aroallo. I don't like to send people to Wikipedia, but sometimes it's helpful. So check this out if you want. I put the compass from that page below:
So my sexuality, omni, has nothing to do with my allosexuality. You can sometimes see aroallo or alloaro but I like the first one better (just easier for me to say, actually). And it basically means I'm on the opposite side of the spectrum from ace. I love love love sex!
I know this was long, but still didn't cover every question you have. Please do come back if you want to! I would love to help you, and others, learn more about aro.
Little note about this post I made earlier: it may have prompted this ask. I wrote that post because aroallo charac was ters (and people) are often characterized as "sluts." (I call myself that proudly but that has nothing to do with being aroallo!) There's a stigma in many Western cultures that just won't die: sex without romantic love isn't honorable or worthwhile or is outright immoral.
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in the midst of a bad psychotic episode, so i took a break to draw some general Coping sketches. hence why these are even messier than usual.
going to talk about some things that might be considered "spoilers" or otherwise relevant in caecilian, so if you care about that kind of thing, it's under a read more.
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miranda having schizophrenia (or, a more general sort of psychotic disorder, as merfolk have their own neurology and culture that isn't fully comparable to human cultures) is one of those few cases where i made a decision based entirely off of me wanting to project my issues onto her, rather than a more specific justification in-canon or in my own worldbuilding and lore as i've built it up. it is still relevant and important, and certainly has an important role to play in why miranda and bellanda's entire... Thing is what it is, and i can certainly give canon examples of why i think it would fit, but it is primarily for my own peace of mind. sometimes there's just no other way to talk about and process what's going on in your own mind, and i find a solace in it, so it stays.
miranda had an early onset of psychosis, and most of her memories include periodic psychotic episodes and constant symptoms of a psychotic disorder, although she can't remember much of her younger years. she's very well aware of this about herself, as is bellanda, since bellanda's been her go-to carer for all of her life.
this has been a necessity, because miranda doesn't tell anyone about it for a reason, and during the peak of every episode she will end up isolating with bellanda, who is equally as dedicated to ensuring no one else learns this information. it can be harder, or it can be easier, depending. miranda would like to isolate the entire duration of every episode, but, well, they just don't have the timing for that. she knows it's hard on bellanda, but, again, they don't have much of a choice and miranda needs someone to help look after her.
it's hard on miranda too. her most common delusion is that of persecution, with severe paranoia resulting in nonsocial behavior and a deep fear to be around people. she's mostly afraid of someone being not who they say they are and trying to hurt her — either in simply having ulterior motives or secretly hating her, or in more complex beliefs regarding creatures from merfolk myth, which inhabit the bodies of merfolk and steal their likenesses to do evil. this often combines badly with her self hate, with her second most common delusion being that her own body has been contaminated by something else, and is inside her, and potentially willing her to do things out of her control. she can't always distinguish this delusion from her own feelings of guilt or loss of self autonomy that the merkingdom cultivates in her, which makes it even harder to deal with.
she will often grow much more accusatory and agitated as it starts to get worse, reacting fearfully and trying to get away or isolate herself from anyone else around her. she will view their actions more negatively, or seemingly connect their actions at random, favoring more and more outlandish explanations. her habit of talking a lot gets either a lot worse, speaking in run-on sentences that meander around and around without getting to the point, acting as a verbal string of thought, or she will entirely calm up and refuse to talk at all, actively trying to resist the urge to speak when it occurs. her ability to speak intelligibly starts to erode, and she will panic more and more as it happens, especially because she knows the pattern and knows that this means she'll have to isolate with bellanda for a while until it gets less bad.
miranda will often turn to self harm. her history within the merkingdom, the way that she was brought up, the way that she's treated, have all taught her that she deserves to be punished for misbehavior and to help keep her in line and make her learn, and thus she's formed a complicated sort of assurance in regards to pain. if she's hurting, then she must be getting corrected. she deserves to be corrected. if she's corrected, then she can finally be good, and she wants to be good. pain is the only way to get rid of the bad stuff in the world, as it has to be cut out. if she hurts herself, then that's getting rid of the bad stuff in her. she deserves to hurt. she's been bad, and bad people deserve to feel pain and deserve to hurt, especially because that's what makes them good again. she wants to be fixed. she wants to be good again.
for merfolk, chewing on things is often reassuring and comforting. merfolk mouths are large pits of sensory information, and it's a comforting and important way to explore the world for them. they also need to regularly chew on bones or other hard objects and feel a need to do so, partially for the nutrients, but also to exercise their jaw muscles and keep them strong and well-maintained.
unfortunately, this means one of the key markers for a pathologically stressed merfolk is that they begin chewing and biting themselves, seeking to self-soothe without having a more appropriate avenue to do so. miranda has very severe self-chewing habits, and regularly feels the urge and need to do so whenever even minorly stressed, mostly favoring biting her arms, hands, or tip of her tail.
that said, she doesn't have any scars from it. she doesn't have any scars anywhere, actually. she doesn't have the permission to have scars.
by the time we get to the beginning of caecilian, aaravi has helped sit miranda through a few episodes, although she's been lucky that they weren't more severe. usually, it's just making sure miranda isn't left alone and watching her to make sure she doesn't hurt herself, which is the scary part. mostly she just tries to walk miranda through the basic steps of taking care of herself and sitting there with her, finding something else for the both of them to focus on so that miranda can drift through okay. this is how aaravi's gotten miranda to watch most of the movies she has.
she would play games and use that to try and help miranda focus, but it kind of scares her too much, that she doesn't think she could focus. not really in the sense that she thinks miranda might be dangerous, there's very little doubt in aaravi when it happens that miranda's just scared out of her mind and barely even knows where she is, but just... a more general scared. a fear of miranda's fear. a fear of the fact that she has to just lock her and miranda inside and can't tell anyone about it. a fear of what it even means, that she keeps listening to miranda cry at night and bellanda's just as worried as miranda that someone else might see. that she got threatened by bellanda, the first time it happened, to never, ever tell anyone else about this, not now, not ever. and that bellanda was far more scared than aaravi in that moment.
#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#miravi.txt#art#digital art#self harm#blood#yeah. miranda. miranda doesnt have a very happy life.#like shes going to keep having episodes regardless but its the entire. Everything. around it.#its also like. very important as to Why bellanda and miranda are the way they are#and why their relationship is what it is#miranda very literally does depend on bellanda for a lot#this was the biggest stickler of an issue between aaravi and bellanda for a long time#because bellanda did NOT trust anyone else ever being there#and during caecilian its still an. Issue.
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im sorry if i sound insecure or something but have you ever been in a place where you couldnt explain your relationship or practice to people that much because you dont have the words for it? like i want to tell someone about how much i love my deities but i cant really describe anything about why i do or something without feeling sort of stupid because i cant phrase it right, does that make sense? im sorry if thats hard to understand
Greetings, love bee!! ‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚. Thank you for sending in your ask. 💛🌷
So, yes, actually. I have. I actually still feel that way. In my own journey, that's been a feeling I've had pretty much the entire time. My emotions always felt so much more profound than my vocabulary could keep up with. No matter how many big and beautiful words I found, they never truly could capture the essence of it and I hated that for so long when I was beginning. Having urges to share the beauty you've gone through or whatever is normal during practicing.
But… That's not a bad thing, bee. As I've come to learn, that - only makes it more special. I get it can be annoying, but you don't owe anybody an explanation to anything about your path or things relating to it.
A thing I had to learn pretty quickly (like 6-7 months into my practice) was that... Your path isn't really... Meant to be understood by anybody else other than you. I mean, this is what mine is like at least. I can't truly immerse anyone into what my life is like or has been like with my deities, because they won't be able to remember it the way I can. They can't feel the exact, or most likely even similar, emotions I did - in the way I did - because... It didn't happen for them. My deities said that to me, they showed that to me, they did this and that for/to me. Just as, their deities did that for them and they got to experience things I did not and probably won't.
Now, there are of course times where I or you will find others who can relate on certain levels, swap stories and see the similarities, and so forth. However, you two can give each other as many details as you can muster and as basically humanly possible, but - at the end of the day... That experience is yours alone. Their experience, is theirs alone.
And that's - beautiful to me, honestly.
It really helps me realize just how - unique... How truly special this all is. There are details about my practice that nobody besides me and my deities will ever understand, and though I sometimes wish to share them with others - some things are simply meant to stay with the experiencer & those involved within the experience. Some things are just either not going to be well received, well understood, well liked, ect. Some things are just - safer with you and your deities. Which is why the saying "keep the personal details to yourself" exists within witchy communities.
Another thing is that languages as a whole can be very limiting even with all the beautiful words that you can find. Grammar rules too. Me and my deities often break things like language or grammar to better communicate, because - we understand each other. The meaning behind our made up words or complex grammar style, almost like our own language. You can try to mix up your own way of telling someone about your deities and the bond you have, the knowledge you've gained and the experiences or theories you have gotten over the time you've practiced, but, it might be confusing. And more than often, if someone is confused, they can get angry. They can begin to invalidate you. Ect.
But, at the same time, you're also entitled to speak about it even if little to nobody understands it. You're allowed to be confusing and make language whatever you need it to be to get your point across and satisfy those desires to share. If you want to, nobody's really stopping you. And, you might just meet someone who can understand certain extents, or be similar to you. That in itself is kind of why we even have religion or the knowledge of deities in the first place. Because someone went out and preached it, someone brave went and documented it for others to learn.
I think I yapped a bit here, sorry about that, bee, lol. Hopefully I made some form of sense here. Enjoy your path and may no evil follow you, loveling! 🤍🤍
#witchcraft#deities#deity work#deity witch#witch advice#helpol#hellenic pagan#hellenic gods#hellenism#hellenic#hellenic polytheism#pagan witch#paganism#pagan#pagan deities#mother witch advice#beginner witch tips#beginner witch
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step up
obey me! nightbringer
mammon centric. implied reader/mammon (lesson 23 spoilers)
ao3 link
what does it mean to be the avatar of greed?
It takes too long for Mammon to fall asleep.
So long, in fact, that he hears you slowly getting up from the couch and making your way out of his room, trying to be as quiet as possible, probably thinking he's already conked out. It would've worked if he was asleep, but asleep he is not. Mammon holds back a snort, hearing the stairs creak as you make your way down, and swallows when he notices how his brothers' muffled voices become louder. You must've gone downstairs straight to the living room.
What a night, huh.
For a moment, Mammon closes his eyes and daydreams a little longer. He will have to go down and face the storm, eventually, but not now. He can breathe for a bit longer. He owes Belphie and Simeon an apology, after all. Behind his eyelids, he sees Michael, frowning at his begging of asking Lucifer to take him as an apprentice instead. For a moment he fears it won't ever happen, facing Michael's and Lucifer's refusals over and over and over, unwavering. Then, as if out of thin air, you appear right next to Mammon, squeeze his hand and tell him in a soft voice that it will be okay. Trust me. Keep trying. He adores you, we all do, so do not forget that.
Your trust in him aches, your belief in him, your love for him, all of it. I have always been yours, Mammon, you'd said the moment he'd poured his heart out to you. His greedy, hungry heart, which always wants to swallow you whole so none else can.
It's terrifying to think how close he's been to actually doing it.
And yet, he can't let go of his greed. Mammon can't stop wanting you, wanting everything from you. It's in his nature as the Avatar of Greed, it’s not a skin he can shed off like an unwanted molt, even if he sometimes feels it's just as tight over his skin and is slowly suffocating him.
His own words, coming from the depths of his heart, still haunt him. He won't forget them anytime soon.
I never even stopped to think that it might cause trouble for someone else. But the way I thought back then... It was naive. And lately, it's been gettin' clearer and clearer to me just how naive. I'm startin' to see through it...
And it's real, real scary...
You'd looked at him, not saying a word. He couldn't stop.
... I can't go back. Not anymore.
I've hurt so many people. All for me. All for my own benefit.
"But Mammon, I know for a fact that you're kind to your family because you love them, don't you?"
You'd said it so matter-of-factly, as if just affirming that water is wet and the sky is blue. There was no mockery or pity, just a determination in your eyes he'd seen a few times since he'd met you.
"There's still time to learn to be kind."
And you were probably right, damn you, but Mammon had doubted his affection for his family could stand against his greed, and the mere thought of it had terrified him.
Mammon covers his eyes with his arm, rolling over on his bed. The muffled voices coming from downstairs have grown softer, and Mammon feels a pang of something go through his chest when he realizes you probably shushed all of them so he can rest.
For a moment Mammon wonders if the pang in his chest is an effect of the new pact you two have just made, then he shakes off the idea with a sigh. Pacts aren't supposed to hurt, so he's probably just exhausted, right? Lucifer had knocked him out pretty good, after all...
The sudden knock on his door startles the life out of him, and Mammon lets out a curse. He's not ready to face anyone just yet, and for a moment he considers pretending he's asleep for a while longer.
"Mammon. I know you're awake."
Damn Lucifer and his keen senses. Mammon hadn't even heard him come up the stairs. He wonders if Lucifer snuck past you when you weren't looking. The thought makes him smile a bit.
"'course you do. Come in."
When Lucifer walks in, Mammon feels the urge to curl up on himself. Not out of fear, but out of shame.
None's watching, after all.
Lucifer sits on the edge of the bed, crossing his arms and tyring to look as the pillar he always tries to be. Mammon holds back the urge to roll his eyes. "How are you feeling? We were told you woke up, but that it was best to let you rest for a bit longer until you came down."
"'m feelin' okay. Just a bit tired."
Lucifer nods, then averts his gaze.
It's strange to see Lucifer at a loss for words, but Mammon isn't exactly in the mood to talk him up a storm or annoy him as he usually does, so he's not sure what to do when the seconds keep ticking, and ticking, and ticking...
There's muffled laughter coming from the first floor. It sounds like Diavolo's, most likely keeping the mood uplifted without even trying. Your voice, too, sounds muffled and a bit stern. Of course you'd be the only one trying to shush the Prince of the Devildom when he's getting noisy for someone else's sake.
You're incredible, Mammon thinks, as the thought of being the total opposite of him hits him like a brick to the face.
Mammon lets out a sigh.
"Don't you worry me like that ever again."
Lucifer's sudden shift catches Mammon off guard, and when he snaps his head up to look at the older demon, he finds Lucifer staring back at him with hardened eyes and his lips turned downward.
"Wha–"
"I mean it, Mammon," and if Mammon didn't know better, he'd say he's in for a scolding of a lifetime. But he knows almost every telltale of a Lucifer Scolding, so he knows Lucifer isn't angry. Far from it.
He's worried. To death, in fact.
It only makes Mammon feel worse, yet a small part of him feels a little happy, remembering the newfound words that lifted his heavy heart in the darkness before you both awoke: the words that could only come from an older brother.
"I vow to protect you — hopes, desires, dreams and all."
Truly, Mammon feels so glad he never gave up on trying to reach Lucifer back then.
"... I'm sorry, Lucifer. Won't happen again."
"Good," the older demon says, expression softening so fast it almost gives Mammon whiplash. "But if it does, come running straight to me, understood?"
It's a reassurance. If it gets you, I'll be here for you no matter what. Mammon notes how Lucifer has the same look in his eyes that you do while you're looking at this mess of a family when you think none's noticing. But Mammon does.
You're both a pillar, a shoulder, a shield, a whole foundation . Yet between you and Lucifer there's a big difference: Lucifer has always carried the burden alone, while you use your own strength combined with the one of those around you, never fearing, never proud.
Mammon sees Pride slowly swallowing up his older brother the same way Greed swallowed him. He thinks: this wo n 't do , and vows to himself to be the first to run to Lucifer when the time comes.
He feels this is something they all have to go through, as Avatars of the Seven Sins, but it doesn't mean they have to do it alone. His little brothers can use the help, too. Perhaps he can soften the burden on both you and Lucifer if he steps up as an older brother for a little bit.
Lucifer is still waiting for his answer.
"... I will, ya got my word."
Satisfied, Lucifer nods and makes his way out of the room. When he has one foot out of the door, he turns around and looks like he's about to say something, but in the end he simply walks out and closes the door behind him.
Mammon sighs, although he's smiling now.
"... Yeah, I can do this."
He's Mammon, the Avatar of Greed and big brother to the Lords of the Underworld. Nothing more, nothing less.
If he fails, he'll try again, and again, and again, because he's the Avatar of Greed, and giving up on what he wants the most isn't in his nature.
His head feels clearer than it has in days, and he feels lighter. This sure isn't a side effect of the pact, is it? He'll have to ask you later. You’re his first, after all.
Jumping off the bed, Mammon decides it's time he goes downstairs. It's not like he can rest now, after all. He’ll do it later. Maybe he can ask you to join him, too, if only Solomon would stop hovering over you for a damn second –
Oh, his greed is showing... Ah, what the hell . You've accepted it too just as Mammon had done, so you better be ready for him later when he catches you.
With a skip on his step, Mammon walks out of his room and makes his way down the old familiar stairs of the House of Lamentation, straight towards his family.
#✧ writes some demons#obey me!#obey me! nightbringer#nightbringer spoilers#obey me mammon#mammon x reader#obey me lucifer#i'm sorry i tried my best i have feelings and i'm sleepy lmfao sjdfsf#plus i got double hit by a feelings truck both with obey me and twst jesus fucking christ#on the same day too
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“The Book of Carol” Teaser
Well, that was some serious whiplash yesterday. Totally not suspicious. Not suspicious at all. I'm still uneasy about the show's leadership, but the teaser is by far the best reassurance we've gotten in a long while and Caryl fans are happier than I've seen them in over a year, so I'll take it. Hopefully we can expect exciting content like this to roll out consistently until S2 airs, but in the meantime, here are my thoughts on what we have...
Daryl's opening VO, "I dunno know if this is the place I'm supposed to be," is actually a line from the leaked 201 sides. In them, Daryl has a conversation with Isabelle, the details of which I'll discuss sometime after the finale airs, but what's relevant here is that it juxtaposes Daryl's conversation with Carol in Find Me. Whereas Daryl insists in the cabin that he does know where he's "supposed to be," implying that he belongs with Carol, something isn't feeling right about France or the "surrogate family" (🙄) the teaser immediately cuts to after that line. I don't know the context of the next lines of VO, "I've been thinking about all the people I left behind, wondering if they're still thinking about me," and I'm not entirely sure why Daryl assumes Carol may have moved on (need I remind you of the lunch date in S11), but obviously he's homesick. And, thanks to that very unambiguous tagline, we understand why. Daryl and Carol are each other’s home. They need each other to be happy.
Needless to say, Melissa is so good in this. She doesn't need gimmicks or anything artsy to make her performance stand out. Carol's agony over Daryl is right there in her eyes, her determination to find him clear in her voice. I especially love her soft "yes" to the man I suspect will accompany her to France (you can see his reflection in the rearview mirror when Carol is in the car surrounded by walkers). He seems reluctant to take up a cause he isn't emotionally invested in, meaning he doesn't know if he wants to embark on what's bound to be a long, dangerous journey for someone he hasn't met i.e. Daryl. So basically, he's asking Carol if she would do it if she was in his position and she assures him that she would. The dialogue is a bit convoluted to stick in a teaser, but the takeaway is supposed to be that Carol will do anything to find Daryl if there's hope he's still alive. Because, of course she would. Daryl should know that, just like Carol should know he'd worry about her even if she told him not to. They love each other. They told each other they love each other. These two have a lot of insecurities to sort out when they finally reunite, and I hope we get to watch those deep conversations take place when they aren't making out.
Carol riding Daryl's bike and carrying his crossbow are nostalgic, the first reminding me of when Daryl rode out of the Commonwealth in the series finale only this time I'm not fighting the urge to hurl something at the TV. I'm actually cheering Carol on as she sets off to find him and hopefully give him a stern talking to (I let you go on our road trip alone and you end up in France??) The second is reminiscent of No Sanctuary when she finds his crossbow at Terminus, and we all know where that led. The question is how will this reunion top it? Hint: there's only one right answer.
I wonder if collecting pieces of him keeps her grounded along the way, similar to how Dog became her connecting point after she and Daryl had their big fight in Find Me/Diverged. I'd ideally like to see flashbacks of Daryl teaching Carol how to ride and/or how to use the crossbow since it's never been established that she can do either. My expectations aren't high unfortunately because history tells me TWDU loves to take shortcuts. That was particularly the case in S11 as far as Caryl were concerned. If that continues though, it's going to be a major issue for me. Don't just toss out gimmicks you think will get us talking for a bit. Don't leave out the connective tissue. Earn what you want to show us.
The title screen is an eyesore. For one thing, there are way too many fonts and for another, "Daryl Dixon" is the larger text despite the season centering on Carol. Like I said yesterday, Melissa and Norman are on equal footing. That is confirmed, but visuals like this give the appearance that Melissa/Carol carry less weight than Norman/Daryl which is complete bullshit. The original spinoff was going to be hers just as much as it was his, so why wouldn't that be the case now? That's a rhetorical question because I know the answer. It'd be really nice if AMC stopped punishing Melissa and her fans for their mistakes last year.
But to end on a positive note (I was doing so well, wasn't I?), the teaser is a good sign for Carol's/Caryl's story, and I'm excited about S2 again. With some help, I'll be keeping a close watch on how the season is marketed going forward. If the whiplash continues, if EPs keep insulting their audience, well…why stick around for it 🤷🏻♀️ But if hints such as that tagline persist or ramp up, we might actually be headed for explicit canon 👍🙏❤️
(I see my inbox is about to explode. I'll get to what I can tonight).
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Captain Mullin ~ Playlist
had the urge to compile a bunch of songs that reminded me of Mullin and their struggles with family and identity soooo. yeah. The Silly
listen [here] (spotify) or [here] (youtube) - list and specific lyrics under the cut!
Icarus - Bastille - Icarus is flying too close to the sun/And Icarus' life, it has only just begun/This is how it feels to take a fall/Icarus is flying towards an early grave Bodies - Bryce Fox - I got bodies in my closet, can't remember all their names/I could tell you it's the last time but you know I'll never change Captain - Derina Harvey Band - It was a stormy sea that made a Captain out of me/It was a rolling rogue and a wild ocean Ship in a Bottle - fin - You set sail alone, there is no crew/No one on the deck who can help you/This is all your own battle to win/This is your ship and you are the captain DEBT COLLECTOR - Jhariah - Here comes the debt collector/Seems you owe him again/Dollars and coins can't cut your cheque/This time around Don't You Dare (Make Me Fall in Love With You) - Kaden MacKay - Don't you dare make me fall in love with you/Don't you dare do something so cliché/Just get out of my daydreams, you're an unwelcome guest Masterpiece Theater I - Marianas Trench - All these practiced poses/I could wreck it if I had to/But I'm the wreck so what would that do? Perfect - Marianas Trench - What you want, what you need has been killing me/Try to be everything that you want me to be/I'll say yes, I'll undress, I've done more for less/And I will change everything till it's perfect again Promiseland - MIKA - Already played my part/I kept my promise, man/Show me the promiseland Firebird (Alt. Version) - Owl City - Tell me why I look back and I wanna cry/Sometimes I feel like we grew up too fast/You and I had the time of our younger lives Black Dirt - Sea Wolf - Black dirt will stain your feet/And when you walk, you'll leave black dirt in the street Visions - Sea Wolf - Everything's the same/But it's all changed/The pieces still make the same picture/Even though they've been rearranged Dear Fellow Traveler - Sea Wolf - Dear fellow traveler under the moon/I think I'm growing weary and I'm hoping you'll come soon/And if I see you in clean new clothes/I hope you hold the mirror up to show me what I chose Mayday! - Sparkbird - The captain lives by the sword/And the captain loves by the sword/When the captain dies by the sword Clean Slated State - The Altogether - Do you need someone, do you need a new me?/'Cause I've got two or three/And they'll only be here until/My clean slated state Welly Boots - The Amazing Devil - And when you scream that it's not fair/It's like I've gone off to the coast/Left you behind just standing there/Pretending not to see your ghost Dig Your Own Grave - The Dear Hunter - Burn what you need of me/I'll give you a fire to light your soul/To be your coal when you need it/Then burn all that's left of me/Then leave me to die/The fire's grown out of control, out of control Blood of the Rose - The Dear Hunter - Dance, dance your decay/All the while unknowing that you're led astray/Sleep, sleep through your woe/While your voice slowly withers and melts away Is There Anybody Here? - The Dear Hunter - I left my soul exposed to frail hands who hold/My fate up in the air/And through their fingers fall the meaning of it all/Down to the floor it goes Old Demons - The Dear Hunter - I won't be satisfied 'til the saccharine faces fade/Making a mockery of mythologies and tried traditions/For I was blind, now I can see/Every obstacle through soliloquy clears its path in front of me The Inheritance - The Dear Hunter - My job is done/You're old enough, it's time to leave/This home and go on your own/I know it's hard, but it's not my problem anymore/Not anymore Leader of the Landslide - The Lumineers - You blamed it all on your kids/We were young, we were innocent/You told me a lie, fuck you for that/Fuck all your pride and fuck all your prayers/And all this time, I waited like a fool, and for the first time/Finally, I can see you as the leader of the landslide
#《 captain speaking! 》#《 the journal of captain mullin 》#if i think abt the inheritance too hard I Will Cry /hj#dadblue stop abandoning your kids challenge#anyway. hands you this and leaves to go work on requests
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[1]
Okay! Nosferatu lore
Nosferatu 1922 is based on Dracula the book and all tha,t so the basic plot is the same, but it has some differences that make it its own thing.
Firstly, Count Orlok. He's some sort of a demon, a manifestation of human sin, created as punishment for mankind, who feeds on blood and whose "spell" can cause someone to "lust after blood without reason" (we'll talk about that later). He also shares many characteristics with a rat and has a bunch of rats, who he uses to spread the plague (we will also discuss the plague, maybe). I've had a previous theory, based on two lines which may or may not have been a slight mistranslation, about him being a human who died during the Black Death and reborn as a vampire. But, not sure if that is quite it. Maybe some mix of the two. The script also mentions portraits of his ancestors, which, I don't think demons really have those. What matters is, by the start of the story he poses as a Transylvanian Count, who wishes to purchase property in Wisborg (made up place) in Germany (real place).
In doing so, he reaches out via a very cryptic letter full of unintelligible symbols to a house agent. People call him Knock. What is going on with Knock is unclear - one thing we know for sure, he has some sort of a connection with Orlok. He and Orlok have known eachother before we were introduced to them, since Knock knows how to read that weird mess of letters. Later, Knock becomes the renfieldddddd. Goes mad, starts eating bugs, establishes a psychic connection with Orlok and senses his approach, all that shit, you know how it is. Thing about Knock; Orlok can't really turn people into vampires unlike Dracula, so Knock probably doesn't inherit the other guy's motivation of becoming a vampire. That's where the "spell" line from before comes in. Many have theorized that Knock has been brainwashed into serving Orlok, that seems like a viable explanation to me. Knock is much more devoted, I'd say, even if he's not that useful. He stays loyal until the very end, and either dies or becomes sad when Orlok dies. It's possible that he has been brainwashed and turned into a servant, very likely in fact. I choose to ignore it, excuse the "spell" as love or some shit, and Knock going mad and eating bugs is just how gay people get sometimes when separated by a long distance. We've all been there.
Back to the beginning; Knock hands the task of selling the house over to Thomas Hutter, his employee, a man whom I shall not call a twink but still have the urge to. Thomas Hutter is a very unsuspecting man, probably numbed to it all by the long-term effects of working for someone like Knock, a giggling lunatic (i say this lovingly). Oh. Did I mention that the Hutters are shown to not have the most wealthy lifestyle, and Knock is described as "paying his employees well", and he also tells Hutter that he might get quite a lot of money from the deal (at the cost of just a bit of blood)? I think you can see the themes here. Well, Hutter takes up the journey. Instantly regrets it (I mean, not really instantly. It took him long enough. As I said, a very unsuspecting man). Enough about him let's talk about his wife. He loves his wife, that's what he would have wanted, trust me.
Ellen Hutter! Introduced as Thomas Hutter's wife, indeed, she is. She is a kind woman, I'd say, extremely so - the first line we hear from her is her "Why did you kill those beautiful flowers?" in response to Hutter bringing her a boquet. Normal reaction, don't worry about it. The two are shown to have quite a happy life, they love eachother; that is, until Orlok sees Ellen's portrait, compliments her neck and decides to go to Wisborg to get the blood. When he tries to drink from Hutter, we see that Ellen also has some sort of a telepathic connection, either with Hutter or Orlok, who knows, thing is, she calls out to Hutter and wards Orlok off. So, we've got two telepaths tied to some men. We'll come back to that later. Both Hutter and Orlok arrive to Wisborg; Hutter has a book from which he learned about Orlok (also called Nosferatu), but refuses to let Ellen read it. Not sure why, maybe he thinks that everything he saw was just a hallucination created by the book after all? Anyway, the Plague from Orlok's rats sets in. Ellen has no choice but to investigate; in doing so, she finds out that to destroy Orlok and earn redemption, a willing sinless maiden must sacrifice herself and let Orlok drink her blood until sunrise, until Sun gets him. Ellen, unlike Hutter, instantly knows what she must do. And she does.
ooo :3
i mixed up the names but i’m somewhat sure orlok is the … ratty looking one ??? i think knock is the sorta round fella
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