#and why their relationship is what it is

[rxttenfish]

in the midst of a bad psychotic episode, so i took a break to draw some general Coping sketches. hence why these are even messier than usual.

going to talk about some things that might be considered "spoilers" or otherwise relevant in caecilian, so if you care about that kind of thing, it's under a read more.

-

miranda having schizophrenia (or, a more general sort of psychotic disorder, as merfolk have their own neurology and culture that isn't fully comparable to human cultures) is one of those few cases where i made a decision based entirely off of me wanting to project my issues onto her, rather than a more specific justification in-canon or in my own worldbuilding and lore as i've built it up. it is still relevant and important, and certainly has an important role to play in why miranda and bellanda's entire... Thing is what it is, and i can certainly give canon examples of why i think it would fit, but it is primarily for my own peace of mind. sometimes there's just no other way to talk about and process what's going on in your own mind, and i find a solace in it, so it stays.

miranda had an early onset of psychosis, and most of her memories include periodic psychotic episodes and constant symptoms of a psychotic disorder, although she can't remember much of her younger years. she's very well aware of this about herself, as is bellanda, since bellanda's been her go-to carer for all of her life.

this has been a necessity, because miranda doesn't tell anyone about it for a reason, and during the peak of every episode she will end up isolating with bellanda, who is equally as dedicated to ensuring no one else learns this information. it can be harder, or it can be easier, depending. miranda would like to isolate the entire duration of every episode, but, well, they just don't have the timing for that. she knows it's hard on bellanda, but, again, they don't have much of a choice and miranda needs someone to help look after her.

it's hard on miranda too. her most common delusion is that of persecution, with severe paranoia resulting in nonsocial behavior and a deep fear to be around people. she's mostly afraid of someone being not who they say they are and trying to hurt her — either in simply having ulterior motives or secretly hating her, or in more complex beliefs regarding creatures from merfolk myth, which inhabit the bodies of merfolk and steal their likenesses to do evil. this often combines badly with her self hate, with her second most common delusion being that her own body has been contaminated by something else, and is inside her, and potentially willing her to do things out of her control. she can't always distinguish this delusion from her own feelings of guilt or loss of self autonomy that the merkingdom cultivates in her, which makes it even harder to deal with.

she will often grow much more accusatory and agitated as it starts to get worse, reacting fearfully and trying to get away or isolate herself from anyone else around her. she will view their actions more negatively, or seemingly connect their actions at random, favoring more and more outlandish explanations. her habit of talking a lot gets either a lot worse, speaking in run-on sentences that meander around and around without getting to the point, acting as a verbal string of thought, or she will entirely calm up and refuse to talk at all, actively trying to resist the urge to speak when it occurs. her ability to speak intelligibly starts to erode, and she will panic more and more as it happens, especially because she knows the pattern and knows that this means she'll have to isolate with bellanda for a while until it gets less bad.

miranda will often turn to self harm. her history within the merkingdom, the way that she was brought up, the way that she's treated, have all taught her that she deserves to be punished for misbehavior and to help keep her in line and make her learn, and thus she's formed a complicated sort of assurance in regards to pain. if she's hurting, then she must be getting corrected. she deserves to be corrected. if she's corrected, then she can finally be good, and she wants to be good. pain is the only way to get rid of the bad stuff in the world, as it has to be cut out. if she hurts herself, then that's getting rid of the bad stuff in her. she deserves to hurt. she's been bad, and bad people deserve to feel pain and deserve to hurt, especially because that's what makes them good again. she wants to be fixed. she wants to be good again.

for merfolk, chewing on things is often reassuring and comforting. merfolk mouths are large pits of sensory information, and it's a comforting and important way to explore the world for them. they also need to regularly chew on bones or other hard objects and feel a need to do so, partially for the nutrients, but also to exercise their jaw muscles and keep them strong and well-maintained.

unfortunately, this means one of the key markers for a pathologically stressed merfolk is that they begin chewing and biting themselves, seeking to self-soothe without having a more appropriate avenue to do so. miranda has very severe self-chewing habits, and regularly feels the urge and need to do so whenever even minorly stressed, mostly favoring biting her arms, hands, or tip of her tail.

that said, she doesn't have any scars from it. she doesn't have any scars anywhere, actually. she doesn't have the permission to have scars.

by the time we get to the beginning of caecilian, aaravi has helped sit miranda through a few episodes, although she's been lucky that they weren't more severe. usually, it's just making sure miranda isn't left alone and watching her to make sure she doesn't hurt herself, which is the scary part. mostly she just tries to walk miranda through the basic steps of taking care of herself and sitting there with her, finding something else for the both of them to focus on so that miranda can drift through okay. this is how aaravi's gotten miranda to watch most of the movies she has.

she would play games and use that to try and help miranda focus, but it kind of scares her too much, that she doesn't think she could focus. not really in the sense that she thinks miranda might be dangerous, there's very little doubt in aaravi when it happens that miranda's just scared out of her mind and barely even knows where she is, but just... a more general scared. a fear of miranda's fear. a fear of the fact that she has to just lock her and miranda inside and can't tell anyone about it. a fear of what it even means, that she keeps listening to miranda cry at night and bellanda's just as worried as miranda that someone else might see. that she got threatened by bellanda, the first time it happened, to never, ever tell anyone else about this, not now, not ever. and that bellanda was far more scared than aaravi in that moment.

[nouverx]

*proceeds to drink the whole bottle*

Yeah Alastor you're gonna be loved and appreciated wether you want it or not :)

[crows-home]

part of my nimona viewing experience. idk why but i got super emotional in the first five minutes.

ID by @peachygos

[ID: A comic juxtaposing screenshots from Nimona 2023 and drawings of a person watching the movie. The first screenshot is Ambrosius's introduction; he grins at the camera as the news anchors introduce him, his name in big print on the screen. The person watching thinks with a bored expression, "Ah. Ok. This guy is gonna be the jackass. Typical golden-boy stuck-up prince that thinks he's better than the underdog. I see where this is going.

The next screenshot is of Ambrosius and Ballister on the platform above the arena, Ambrosius doing his news anchor bit and saying, "Aaand will Ballister be broody on the biggest day of his life?" Ballister laughs at his antics. The person watching now has a small smile, as they think, "Huh! Aw, they're actually nice to each other and are friends! I wasn't expecting that, that's nice-"

The third and final screenshot is a shot from behind of Ballister leaning his head on Ambrosius's shoulder. The caption reads "the knighting ceremony is just moments away." The person watching now has a touched, soft expression, like they're holding back tears. They think "OH." as a partially transparent doodle behind them bends over crying and blubbering, with another doodle showing their heart shot through with an arrow. /end ID]

[ronanlynchbf]

tshirt that says NO LIVE ORGANISM CAN CONTINUE FOR LONG TO EXIST SANELY UNDER CONDITIONS OF ABSOLUTE REALITY

[bixels]

Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.

Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).

Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.

Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.

Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).

AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.

But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s

At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.

[inkskinned]

we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.

"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."

i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.

you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"

i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.

what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.

i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.

"don't make a big deal about this," you said.

this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.

"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.

you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."

the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.

afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."

[chloesimaginationthings]

FNAF Movie William judges Vanessa's friends..

[andi-o-geyser]

Vax'ildan Vessar I cannot fucking BELIEVE you fumbled Keyleth of the Air Ashari. AGAIN. Do not break up after your first kiss together, better yet after her FIRST EVER KISS you gave her tongue I will KILL YOU

[katabay]

someone’s hands have always been inside of you

⭐ places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app / tip jar!

[kittyfrisk9]

IdeaDpxDc- The petition

Note: Sorry, I don't know English, so please use a translator. I apologize if you don't get the idea.

Nightwing receives a very strange request from a child. Dead On Main (implied)

---

It happened on the rooftop of some building, when Nightwing was taken by surprise by the strange request from his brother's boyfriend's younger brother.

"Are you part of the Bats, huh?" the kid asked, crossing his arms and staring intently.

"Yeah," Nightwing replied, smiling with a slight nod. "How can I help you?"

"I need your help. Investigate my brother's boyfriend," he said, frowning.

"What?" Nightwing responded, raising an eyebrow, visibly surprised.

"I'm usually very good at stalking people," he continued, pacing back and forth, "but this guy, Jason, he's really suspicious. He's hiding something, I know it. I tried to follow him to find out what he's hiding, but he caught me!" He stopped and looked at the other with frustration. "He's done it ten times already. No one's caught me that many times! Well, except Danny the idiot, but he doesn't count," he added, waving a hand as if it were a trivial detail. "Danny's too stupid to suspect anything," he said, looking worriedly at the ground. "I can see it in his eyes, love has blinded him." He looked up, with a serious expression. "What if his boyfriend turns out to be a trafficker and wants to steal his organs? Or gets him into drugs? Or is some kind of criminal mastermind?" He sighed, crossing his arms again. "I've noticed his questionable behaviors. I don't trust that guy."

"I see. You're worried about your older brother, you're a sweet kid," Nightwing commented with a smile as he leaned against the edge of the building, looking out over the illuminated city.

"I'm not a kid and I'm not worried! I'm an adult, I'm older than you!" the boy retorted indignantly, crossing his arms.

Nightwing raised an eyebrow, amused. "Oh, how old are you?"

"... 30," the young man murmured, avoiding eye contact.

Nightwing chuckled. "You look 12."

The boy frowned, clearly annoyed. "I'm not here to talk about my age. Are you going to do the job or not?" He took a step forward, his tone impatient.

Nightwing raised his hands in surrender. "Haha, okay, okay. What makes you think your brother, Danny, is in danger?" Straightening up, he looked at the young man more seriously, ready to listen.

"He met him on a dating app. That's not weird, but when he introduced me, the guy was huge. Big, and Danny's a twig," the young man started, looking at Nightwing seriously. "I know he's 19, but genetics decided to abandon him." He mocked the boy.

Nightwing raised an eyebrow, curious but still confused. "And that's suspicious because...?"

The boy raised a hand to stop him. "Wait, let me finish." He approached the rooftop's edge, looking out at the city. "The guy not only is huge but also knows how to fight. I threw eggs at him and he dodged every single one. And he beat me in a fight!"

"Pff, you threw eggs at him?" Nightwing asked with a raised eyebrow, trying not to laugh at the idea of seeing Jason covered in eggs. The young man gave him a annoyed look. "Okay, okay, don't get mad. What else do you have to tell me?"

The boy continued firmly: "He also knows how to use weapons. Danny and that guy went to a shooting range for one of their dates. I followed them, and that guy was as good as Danny! Not only that," the boy added, turning to look directly at Nightwing. "I saw him threaten someone once, and he seems to have contacts with Red Hood. No normal person has contacts with a crime lord." Warning, emphasizing the danger it implied.

"Yeah, that says a lot," Nightwing agreed, while in his mind he wondered why Jason had taken Danny to a shooting range. There were better places for a date. "I understand, I'll look into it. What's your name, kid?" He asked, more for appearances' sake.

"Dante Nightingale," he replied. "I'll wait for you here on Thursday at the same time for the report," he ordered. This attitude reminded him so much of Damian; maybe he should introduce them.

"Alright, boss," Nightwing joked, then jumped to another building. Tonight he'd have a lot of material to tease Jason with; his brother-in-law didn't trust him. Haha.

---

Note: Sorry, I don't know English, so please use a translator. I apologize if you don't get the idea.

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt in Memes 5

Once more, have a prompt entirely in memes because I'm too lazy to properly write one right now lol.

[frogs-in3-hills]

can i be real with yall i kind of hate fandom assigned siblingisms because often it’s just used as a signifier of closeness rather than an exploration of any of the things that make siblings narratively interesting imo. and i think a lot of that comes down to the fact that people enjoy the fantasy of relationships that are “naturally” eternal, ie, intimacy without having to do The Work. and i will never shame anyone for indulging a fantasy through fiction, this is just not something that really works for me. where siblings become compelling, imo, is within that unique “eternity” (whether societally imposed or genuinely forged in childhood and blood) and its power to trap and hurt. where the people involved don’t do The Work, or The Work they do isn’t enough. they’re tied together but some wounds take a long time to heal—if they ever do. wounds that they share, or wounds that they inflict on each other

[tofixtheshadows]

So I've been thinking lately about how Mithrun is Kabru's dark mirror (more on that another time- it needs its own post), and I thought it interesting that one of their parallels is that they were both cared for by Milsiril, but in opposite directions. She took Kabru in as her foster after he was orphaned and tried to convince him not to become an adventurer. On the flip side, she helped rehabilitate Mithrun specifically so that he could rejoin the Canaries.

And I kept wondering: why?

For Kabru, obviously she loves him a whole lot- despite any other shortcomings in their relationship, I do believe that.

So I get why she tries to convince him not to go dungeoning, and, failing that, at least prepares him as thoroughly as she can.

But why help Mithrun? She used to hate Mithrun, but after realizing what a secretly twisted person he was, she actually thought of him more positively (oh, Milsiril). So it wasn't as if she held the kind of grudge that might motivate her to make his already-depleted life even more miserable by sending him back to the dungeons. And it wasn't that she felt bad for him either, since she didn't visit Mithrun for the first ~20 years of his recovery.

The Adventurer's Bible says that Utaya was the impetus for Mithrun returning to the Canaries, but Milsiril is the one who made the trip to see him and tell him about it.

Why would Milsiril work so hard to get her old coworker back into fighting fit? Why encourage him to return to such a dangerous lifestyle, when she was the one who chose not to mercy-kill him?

That last panel is such a crazy thing to hint at and then never elaborate on. Without it we could have just thought that Milsiril wanted the Canaries' work to continue without her, even if it seemed out of character. I think some people even assume she's just a natural caretaker as a foster mom and handwave it to include nursing Mithrun too. What could Milsiril's suspicious motives be? What does she gain from Mithrun joining the Canaries that isn't an altruistic desire to see dungeons safely sealed? Feeling a sense of responsibility for the work she left behind isn't an ulterior motive.

My theory is: Milsiril, knowing that Mithrun was empty save for the burning desire to face the demon again, wound him up like a clockwork doll and pointed him back at the dungeons.

Hoping that he'd eliminate the biggest threat to Kabru's life, before it was too late for him.

Milsiril the puppetmaster.

[imvec]

Sequel to Sunshade

[crowskullls]

I couldn’t be a minecraft creator because if I was doing freaky gay roleplay with my friends and then got called siblings I would just end it all

[vaguely-concerned]

sometimes I think of all the on-the-surface warm, well-meaning but deeply ineffectual advice and attention john gives harrow through harrow the ninth (make some soup and get some sleep! get a hobby! don't be so hard on yourself! self care harrow! as long as I need take no actual responsibility in this relationship whatsoever I would have loved to be your dad!) set up against the stark truth that with his other hand he has been staging her attempted horrific murder again and again and again like a living nightmare on the logic that it will 'put her down or fix her'. and then I find that I wish there is a hell. a special hell where twitch streamers turned necromantic death emperors go