#something something codependence on each other etc etc can’t remember where I was going with this when I made it

[angelspawned]

dndads s1e59 // antigone, jean anouilh // dndads s2e23 // nathanielorion // dndads s2e18 // how the light gets in, becks_rylnn // dndads s2e23 // famous blue raincoat, leonard cohen

[erin-bo-berin]

Ok ok ok so I've been sitting on this idea lately. I wasn't sure if I wanted to request it or actually (yipes) try to write it myself. But like, will I actually ever write it? Probably not. So it should get shared with my tumblr bestie! Fair warning--this is much more fluffy rather than smutty. Think I've just been in that mood lately. :)

I mentioned this idea a bit ago—basically it’s friends to lovers with Steve + the shared bed trope! Here’s what I’m thinking:

You and Steve are best friends, and you’re very touchy with/attentive to one another. You’re often nestling into his side when you sit next to one another, he’s grabbing your hand, pulling you onto his lap, looking at you first for your reaction to stuff, etc. Maybe we see some of this dynamic at a game night or like the group goes to Hawkins’ new skating rink?! 

Afterwards, when you go to the diner for a late dinner, you order your meals as a single entity, editing each other’s orders etc because obviously you’ll be splitting everything and pulling food off each other’s plates, speaking in your shared shorthand (that frankly your friends find baffling—almost like you’re reading one another's minds). You’re basically codependent, and it’s all fun and games… 

At least it was, until the gang goes on a road trip, and through some mix up you step into the hotel room the two of you booked, and it doesn’t have two full beds… it has one.

You can’t remember the last time you felt shy in front of one another, but you definitely are now. Steve’s like it’s ok I’ll sleep on the floor, already making up a “bed,” and you’re pulling him up, reassuring him, saying don’t be silly, it’s not… weird… and maybe there was a little moment when you saw each other in your PJs for the first time, but you shrug it off, and the first night you start sleeping on opposite sides of the bed, but when Steve wakes up in the middle of the night, he sees you’ve slung your leg over him and he… kinda likes it (and ok, he likes that thin pajama top you have on, too). Then on night two, you wake up to find Steve’s reached over and has an arm across your waist and it’s… nice. Maybe the third night something happens… someone gets cold or there’s a nightmare with sleep talking or they hear a noise and Steve’s gotta go into protector/comforter mode? I’m not sure what exactly but I just feel like there’s opportunity for a *moment* there. Anyway, on the last morning you wake up to the best smell and when you open your eyes you’re fully spooning one another, and that smell is your best friend… who ok, yeah, maybe you like more than a friend because his smell alone is so comforting and he knows you better than anyone else and actually there’s no one you’d rather be sharing a bed with. 

When you gently wake Steve up at first he springs off you and profusely apologizes, making wild excuses, but the only reason he needs to apologize is because he stopped the cuddles (plus now you’re cold). Cuteness ensues where they both cautiously admit that their feelings have changed over the last few days and then… tender first kiss and (sexy) cuddles? 

Bonus… maybe Eddie makes some suggestive comment towards them at breakfast and reader/Steve are just like oh nothing, just had a really good night’s sleep…

I included so many ideas here, please don’t feel like you need to include everything (or even write this at all)! You are more than generous for writing so many of our (and my) requests, Erin! You’re the sweetest and we’re not worthy! 💘☄️💘

Okay I’m loving this idea. I’m LIVING for the fluff, I’m telling you. Funny thing is, when I was reading this, I instantly thought of a title and now I’m just so excited to write this. I hope I can do it justice!

(Note: Reader is Robin in this gif, this isn’t in any way a romance between Robin and Steve.)

Twin Flames

Steve Harrington x Reader

MASTERLIST

You and Steve were a packaged deal, no ifs, ands or buts. Wherever you went, Steve was almost guaranteed to be with you and vice versa. You were practically joined at the hip in that way.

You’d been close to Steve since the beginning. It’d only been three years since you first met Steve in senior year history class, but you became fast friends. You told each other everything and were practically always with one another. It wasn’t something either of you tried to do, it just came naturally in your friendship, it always had. In fact, you were closer to him than some of your girlfriends. He truly was your ride or die.

You didn’t exactly have a normal friendship either. To the outside world, it appeared you and Steve were something more due to the fact of your closeness and intimacy. It wasn’t uncommon for you guys to hug, cuddle or hold hands, it was just something that happened because you were so comfortable with him. But you really and truly were friends.

It wasn’t any different tonight when you’d been invited out by the group of kids to visit Hawkins’ newest roller rink that had just opened. Steve was relentlessly teasing you for having to wear skates a size too big for your feet due to the fact that they’d run out of your size.

“Come here,” he laughed, pulling your legs into his lap as he tied the skates as tight as he could.

“If I fall and break your neck, it’s your fault,” you grumbled.

“I’ll be sure to send the prettiest bouquet of flowers for your funeral then,” he joked.

You rolled your eyes, shoving his shoulder as you stood. You wobbled unsteadily as you hit the rink, it having been a long time since you’d roller skated. You felt a hand take yours a moment later and turned to see Steve next to you, holding on tight.

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you don’t fall and break your neck,” he smiled warmly.

“My knight in shining armor,” you replied dryly, but he knew you were relieved about the extra stability.

You heard laughter as the group of kids whirled by the two of you, barely more than a blur of color as they were off again. You grabbed a hold of Steve’s forearm, squeezing tightly in attempt to stay on your feet. He laughed boisterously at your struggles, much to your dismay.

“You look like Bambi taking her first steps,” he noted.

“I told you, it’s been years since I did this,” you grumbled.

“Well I believe you now,” he smirked, taking your other hand, “Just follow my lead okay?”

“How are you good at this anyway? I’ve never seen you on roller blades before yet you’re gliding around like Tinkerbell.”

“What can I say? I’m good at just about anything I put my mind to,” he playfully winked at you, his grin growing to flash the stunning smile of his.

You stifled a groan, rolling your eyes. This was something you often did in his presence, although never in annoyance. More like in endearment, even if he was intolerable sometimes—in a loveable way.

“Insufferably so, I’d say,” you muttered, watching his feet as you tried to mimic his movements.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” he faked, tilting his ear towards you.

“Nothing,” you smiled innocently.

“Mhm. That’s what I thought.”

It took a few tries and a few times falling straight on your ass—much to Steve’s amusement—before you finally managed to skate better, albeit still pretty clumsily thanks to the loose skates.

“You go ahead and have fun okay? I think I’ll just watch on the sidelines. These aren’t doing me any favors,” you scowled down at at the offending skates.

“No way. I can’t be responsible if you crash and burn from here to the edge of the rink,” he shook his head, skating circles around you.

He bent and scooped you up, making you squeal loudly.

“Steve!” you shrieked, gripping onto him for dear life.

He laughed, skating the both of you to the sidelines, all while he held you bridal style in his arms. Yours and his laughter mixed as he finally put you down when it was safe.

The noise captured the younger teens’ attention who watched you both intensely, though you and Steve didn’t happen to notice.

“I sometimes wonder if they’re actually secretly dating and just haven’t told us,” Max mused, twirling in circles as she watched the pair with her friends.

“Doubtful,” Lucas argued.

“What makes you think that?” she queried.

“I feel like we’d be able to tell if they were dating,” Will pointed out.

“Yeah, they’d be insufferable,” Dustin said.

“But they act like they’re dating. Like look at them,” Mike motioned to you and Steve.

You had your foot in Steve’s lap making him untie the skate for you; Mike turned back to his friends with a raised brow.

“But they’re just friends,” El said, “Can’t girls and boys be just friends? I mean, I’m just friends with you guys,” she shrugged, motioning to Dustin, Lucas and Will.

“Yeah, but you don’t do things like that with us,” Lucas said, gaze flicking in the direction of you and Steve.

After he’d untied your skates and you’d put on your normal shoes, you’d settled next to Steve, slouching into his side, leaning against him.

Steve saw the group congregated, staring at you and him and he flipped them off causing them to scatter.

“Shit, we’ve been caught,” Dustin said, scattering with the others.

Max shrugged, peering over her shoulder once more before calling out to the other five.

“Either way, it’s incredibly amusing.”

•

Trivia night was always loud, chaotic and incredibly fun.

Tonight, it was being hosted in Mike Wheeler’s basement, the group being split up into two groups: older teens vs. younger teens. You, Steve, Robin, Eddie and Nancy made up one team and you competed against Will, Mike, Max, Dustin and Lucas. El had offered to keep score and Jonathan was in charge of the trivia questions.

For this game, it was current pop culture questions, mainly music and movies, which surprisingly the younger teens had done great at getting answers. So far, it was a landslide with the kids leading by 8 points.

“How do you guys know half this stuff? You were practically babies at the start of the decade!” Robin huffed.

“One, we were only eight or nine. Hardly babies,” Dustin argued.

“We also have older siblings too, so we know things,” Mike said, giving a pointed glance at Nancy.

“Okay, round 2!” Jonathan called out.

“We gotta catch up,” you groaned to your teammates, “They’re making us look bad!”

“Hey, it’s not our faults you screwed up the Back To The Future question!” Steve poked your side, making you squirm, “Everyone knows the car used as the time machine was a DeLorean!”

“Apparently not everyone,” Eddie mumbled.

“You make one mistake,” you sighed, flopping back against the couch, dramatically.

“It’s okay, we got this,” Steve nodded, reaching out and pulling you into his lap.

It was something he did so often that it never phased you anymore, though you did try to avoid the curious stares from your friends it always elicited. It might not be normal for most friends, but you and Steve weren’t most people.

“Alright! First question!” Jonathan announced, holding up an index card like a game show host, “Which comedy-drama film features a group of high schoolers spending detention together?”

“The Breakfast Club!” you shouted, milliseconds after he finished the question.

“Correct! Point for Team Steve.”

Jonathan motioned to El who added another tally on the white board. The score currently showed Team Steve with 9 points and Team Lucas with 16.

“It’s one of her favorite movies,” Steve rolled his eyes at your teammates, chuckling when you hit his chest.

“Hey, at least I got it right!”

“Yes, you did, Y/N,” he grinned, squeezing your waist playfully, “Would you like a cookie?”

“Asshole,” you mumbled.

“Next question,” Jonathan pulled out another index card from the deck—he was clearly enjoying the trivia host role.

“Which movie features Dan Ackroyd, Bill Murray and Harold Ramis?”

“Ghostbusters!” you and Robin hollered, only seconds before Dustin did.

“Ah, Team Steve got it out first,” Jonathan tutted, “Sorry, Team Lucas.”

“It’s your fault for making Y/N watch that so many times, Steve!” Dustin grumbled.

“What can I say? My girl here is smart,” he grinned.

“Yes, I am,” you stuck your tongue out at Dustin.

“Oh very mature,” he shot back, making you laugh.

“Love you, Dustin!”

“Yeah, yeah, love you too,” he waved you off, also giving you the finger at the same time.

You grinned, delighted that your team was starting to score more.

“What music product did Sony release in 1980?” Jonathan asked next.

“Walkman!” Max yelled, hardly giving any chance for you or your teammates to open your mouths.

“Damnit,” you pouted, “We we’re doing good.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll get them,” Steve said and you turned sideways in his lap so you could ruffle his hair.

He groaned.

“Must you?”

“Yes because you’re a great team captain. So positive!”

Nancy, Eddie and Robin just laughed at your antics and Steve’s sour face at having his hair messed up. But they agreed, he was definitely great at encouraging the team.

“What is the name of the van that Scooby Doo and his friends travel around in?” Jonathan read.

“The Mystery Machine!” you and Steve called out in unison.

“Point for Team Steve!” El called, marking it.

You and Steve high-fived one another.

“We’ll catch up, don’t you worry,” Steve called to the other group.

“Keep dreaming, Harrington!” Lucas called.

Between you, Nancy and Robin, Team Steve earned five additional points, leaving you guys one point behind.

The next question, you knew Eddie had in the bag before Jonathan even finished asking it.

“Who played the guitar solo in Michael Jackson’s hit, Beat It?”

“Eddie Van Halen, of course,” Eddie shrugged as if it was obvious.

“Alright, that’s what I’m talking about man!” Steve grinned, high-fiving the other male over your head.

It was now a dead tie, the last question, worth five points would decide who would be the winner of tonight’s game. You’d stood from Steve’s lap where he’d been keeping you locked right in his arms for most of the game, now leaning anxiously against the arm of the couch. You took your competitions seriously.

“Which movie features creatures that should never be fed after midnight?” Jonathan read the last question.

“Gremlins!”

It was a blend of yours, Steve’s and Robin’s voices that hollered the answer at the same time.

“Oh come on! Not fair!” Mike yelled, “Of course they’d know that. They work at a video rental store.”

“Perks of the job, kid,” Robin shrugged.

“I answered it, I don’t work there, so that means we win!” you grinned.

“Congratulations Team Steve for winning with 21 points to Team Lucas’ 17 points. Better luck next time,” Jonathan announced in his best game show host voice.

Your team cheered, excited to finally win a game. Usually, it was the kids who won. Steve swooped you into his arms and spun you around in excitement.

“I don’t see him twirling any of us around,” Robin muttered to Nancy, who had to disguise her laugh as a cough.

“No way in hell is Harrington twirling me around,” Eddie retorted causing both girls to burst into laughter.

“What’s so funny?” you asked, once Steve set you down.

You pushed the hair that had flown into your face out of the way as you peered at Nancy and Robin. You saw them exchanged a glance.

“Nothing,” they said, a bit too perfectly in time.

It was definitely curious and something told you that you’d been the topic of their discussion. But you didn’t give it much more thought when Dustin spoke up.

“All that trivia has made me hungry.”

“Same. I’m starving,” you nodded.

It’s as if your stomach heard you because it let out an angry growl just then, loud enough for the entire room to hear.

“Was that your stomach or a fire breathing dragon in there?” Steve laughed, patting your belly, “Better feed this one before she gets grouchy.”

You swatted his hand away, feeling your face heat in embarrassment.

“How about we hit the diner for a late dinner?” Nancy asked, already heading toward the stairs to grab her car keys, “I can take the majority of you guys and Steve and Y/N can take the rest.”

Steve looked at you as if to gauge your reaction before he committed to anything. You nodded.

“Sounds good to me. Come on losers, we’ll take you three,” you said, motioning to Max, Lucas and Dustin.

“You’re never letting us live this down are you?” Lucas asked.

“Well if it’s going to be our only win, I might as well celebrate it for as long as possible,” you countered.

“So, never?” Dustin asked.

“You heard the girl,” Steve said, slinging his arm around your shoulders as he fished his keys out of his pocket, “Never.”

•

“I’ll have the cheeseburger with lettuce, mayo, pickles-”

“Extra pickles by the way,” you cut in on Steve’s order, “Oh and tomato and onion on the side please. He doesn’t like them but I do.”

The waitress cocked a brow, but wrote it down.

“Fries with that?”

“Yes,” Steve nodded.

“Crinkle cut and seasoned,” you piped in.

The waitress nodded, turning to you so you could order.

“I’ll have the turkey club please,” you ordered.

“She’ll have extra Pepper Jack cheese on that too, light on the mustard. Oh and no fries, the homemade chips for her,” Steve added.

“With an extra serving of ranch for the chips. Thank you,” you smiled politely at the waitress who was eyeing you both.

Since you were the last of the group to order, she took the stack of menus you had gathered from your hands, walking away while muttering under her breath. You turned to Steve with an amused smirk.

“Does she think-”

“Most definitely,” he answered.

“How bad?”

“Eh, 10. You think-”

“Yep,” you nodded, cutting him off mid-sentence, “Do we-”

“Nah.”

“‘Kay,” you answered, turning back to the rest of the group, who looked completely baffled.

“What was that about?” Dustin asked.

“Oh, we figured the waitress probably thought we’re crazy with the way we ordered for each other—which makes sense to us because all we do is eat off one another’s plates and split food all the time—and Steve said he figured it was on a scale of 10 for how crazy she thought we are,” you explained.

“And that she probably thinks we’re a couple and we’re not even going to bother to correct her,” Steve finished.

All you both got were blank stares and a few blinks.

“You mean you communicated all of that with about a dozen words?” Eddie asked, amazed.

“They practically finish each others’ sentences,” Robin said, “It’s creepy.”

“And impressive,” Max mused, “Maybe we need to up our communication skills,” she said, nudging Lucas.

“Y’all are weird,” Dustin said, shaking his head.

You laughed, looking over at Steve.

“That’s just what normal is for us.”

•

Normal had lasted for three years of friendship.

Now, nothing seemed normal. All because of one road trip.

After talking about it for months, you, Steve and the entire gang had finally embarked on the road trip now that the kids were on summer vacation. You’d all been planning this road trip all year leading up to this week, mainly to take the trip to the Indiana State Fair. It was opened for 18 days each summer and the kids had been begging you, Steve, their parents—whoever would drive—to take them.

After the long drive to Indianapolis, the entire crew had made it and were ready to fall into the hotel beds. Between the twelve of you, there had been five hotel rooms booked. Nancy and Jonathan obviously shared one, Eddie and Robin taking another, you and Steve taking the third. The fourth and fifth rooms were split up between the boys and girls—Dustin, Will, Lucas and Mike sharing two double beds and Max and El in the last room. You were sure the amount of rooms and arrangements had challenged the hotel when you and Nancy made the reservations—there was no other explanation for what you were looking at.

Somehow, there had been a mix up and instead of there being two beds like you’d booked, you and Steve had gotten one double. You hadn’t even dropped your luggage yet, you were still standing in the doorway in horror.

“Nancy and Jonathan got one bed like they booked and Eddie and Robin got two doubles,” Steve said, coming back in after checking with the others.

“So it’s only our room that they messed up?” you sighed, “So much for switching with one of the others.”

You sighed, setting your bags down next to Steve’s.

“It’s not big deal,” he shrugged, “I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“I can’t ask you to do that,” you frowned.

He waved you off, dismissing your politeness.

“Go ahead and go get changed, you’re dead on your feet.”

You opened your mouth to protest, but the only thing that came out was a yawn. You decided to accept defeat and pulled out your pajamas, heading to the bathroom.

It was only when you came out of the bathroom with your pajama shorts and thin top on that you suddenly felt shy and awkward for the first time in your entire friendship. It didn’t help matters that you caught Steve just pulling off his shirt and you averted your eyes quickly, as if he’d need the privacy.

It didn’t stop you from getting an eyeful of his tanned back, a constellation of moles scattering over it. Enough that they mesmerized you and made you want to touch them all, tracing any kind of pattern you could over them.

In all the years you’d been friends, you’d done a lot of intimate things, but sleeping in the same bed was not one of them. You had no idea why it bothered you now, you’d cuddled with Steve many times before. But this, this felt different somehow.

“Oh hey,” he said, noticing you were back in the room, turning as he pulled a shirt out of his bag to put on.

You had more self control than you thought as you tried your best not stare at his bare chest. The front was as nice as the back, the map of beauty marks spread over onto this side as well. A thin layer of dark hair covered his pecs and tapered into a happy trail that led to places you did not need to be thinking of right now. Or at all, period.

He was just a man, with a body. It was Steve, for God’s sakes. You had no reason to be acting like you were.

It took a minute for you to realize what he was doing as you saw him drop one of the pillows from the bed onto the floor next to the bed.

“What are you doing?” you asked, climbing into bed.

“Making my bed,” he said, “I told you, I’d sleep on the floor.”

“Come on Steve, don’t be silly. No one ever sleeps well on the floor.”

You saw him hesitate for a beat and you jumped at the chance before he could say anything else.

“Come on, you can sleep in the bed,” you said, “I don’t bite.”

He chuckled, picking the pillow up and tossing it back on the bed.

“I know.”

You curled up on your side, practically on the edge, giving him as much room as possible. You couldn’t pinpoint why exactly, but something about this almost felt dangerous.

If Steve noticed, he didn’t say anything. He stayed a safe distance away on his side too. You were both exhausted and needed to get some sleep for what was sure going to be a long day tomorrow.

“Night Y/N,” he whispered.

“Night Steve.”

•

He wasn’t sure what woke him, whether it was a noise from the hotel hallway—which sounded oddly busy for the middle of the night—or something else. But the thought faded when he realized you’d moved closer to him sometime through the night.

Your leg was slung over his hip and oddly, he doesn’t mind one bit. He smiled to himself, knowing how embarrassed you’d be if you were awake and realized.

He watched you for a moment, the peaceful expression on your face as you slept, your lashes flush against your cheeks, your chest rising and falling with each breath. Something about the sight made his heart do calisthenics in his chest.

When did you get to be so beautiful?

Logically, he knew that was a dumb question. You’d always been attractive and although he’d been with you through crushes on many guys, he couldn’t actually remember why you never really dated. Sure, he’d dated around and had fun, but you were always loyal to him in a way.

He tried to shrug off the thoughts and what it could possibly mean, especially since it was in the middle of the night.

His eyes fell to your torso even though he’d tried to force himself not to look again, not after you’d first emerged from the bathroom. He couldn’t help but notice how thin your pajama top was—so thin he could see the delicate curve of your breasts.

God, he should not be having these thoughts about you. You were his best friend and deserved better than him leering at you.

But was it only that? Just physical desire? He couldn’t be sure. He didn’t want to think more about it.

When you sighed in your sleep, moving your leg off of him and turning over with your back to him, he took it as an opportunity to distance himself from his previous thoughts and fall back asleep.

But as he drifted off again, a little part of him couldn’t help but miss the warmth of your body against his.

•

You were just as exhausted by the second night.

After a day filled with tons of festival rides, games and food, all topped off with endless walking, you and Steve practically fell into bed with barely a mumbled goodnight before falling asleep.

It was around 2 am when you woke, according to the clock on the bedside table and you needed to pee. You felt a weight on your waist and looked down; Steve’s arm was slung over your waist.

Just the tiniest—subconscious—action did funny things to your stomach. It felt like a herd of butterflies had been set loose in there, their wings flapping in sync. You hated to have to move from his embrace because it was actually rather nice, but you really had to go to the bathroom.

Sighing quietly to yourself, you accepted your fate and gently moved his arm from you, praying he wouldn’t wake. Thankfully, he stayed sound asleep. You sat at the edge of the bed, just for a second, watching him sleep.

Even in sleep, he had the cutest, tiniest curls of his hair that brushed his ears and the nape of his neck. A few pieces fell over his forehead, making it look intentional instead of sleep tousled. He stirred in his sleep, one arm reaching out to your side as if searching for you even in sleep.

You quietly got up and padded to the bathroom. It was only after you’d flushed and washed your hands that it hit you as you looked at your reflection in the mirror.

Somewhere, somehow, when you hadn’t even expected it, you had fallen in love with your best friend.

It was too heavy of a realization for the dark hours of nighttime and you pushed the thought away, promising to get back to it at a later date.

It was only when you slipped under the covers that you reached over for Steve’s arm, gently putting it back around you before nestling back into sleep.

•

Despite being a humid July night outside, the hotel room was freezing the third night and of course, neither of you could figure out how to control the temperature.

You grumbled as you climbed into bed, covered with goosebumps. You weren’t sure which was worse—being too hot or being too cold.

“Don’t be such a grouch,” Steve chuckled, “Here, come on. I’ll keep you warm.”

You gave him a skeptical look and he pretend to look wounded.

“Oh come on, we’ve cuddled plenty of times before and now you’re hesitant to?”

You knew it wasn’t his fault of your late night realization last night, but in the light of day, everything became so much more real. But you didn’t have the power in you to say no so you agreed.

“Don’t let me die of hypothermia now,” you mumbled as he pulled you into his arms, though keeping a close distance.

It was just enough to provide you with his body heat and you felt yourself melting in his embrace, all while slowly warming.

“I doubt that’s a real possibility,” he snorted, “But if it makes you feel better, I’ll always protect you. You know that.”

You couldn’t stop the smile that his words elicited. Thankfully, he couldn’t see your face.

“You’re too good to me, Steve Harrington.”

“As I should be.”

“Night,” you yawned.

“Night, Y/N.”

-

When you woke, sun was streaming in the window on the opposite side of the hotel room and your nose was filled with an alluring scent. Between spicy, earthy and what you feel like sunshine would smell like, you couldn’t place where it was coming from.

That is, until you opened your eyes and found yourself fully pressed against Steve, spooning him. Your body fit against his perfectly as his curled around yours. The sunshine smell was coming from him—the only man to ever make your heart do cartwheels in your chest.

You must’ve smelled his scent a million times, but why was it now that it stood out?

Because it’s comforting, your mind told you.

Everything about Steve was familiar to you, in a way—well almost everything. He’d been a constant in your life for so long as your best friend that it was hard to imagine him as anything else, but at the same time, you couldn’t ignore the warm and fuzzy feelings that being so close to him caused within you.

You were pretty sure there was no one in this world that knew you better than he did and yet that thought wasn’t scary. He’d seen you at your highest and your lowest and stuck with you through the hardest challenges. He’d helped celebrate your successes and turned to you when he needed someone. In a way, it truly was like he was your other half. So why had it taken so long for you to realize you had feelings for him that expanded past friendship?

Maybe because your friendship wasn’t as conventional as most, you were able to disregard any feelings you might’ve had as just a fluke. But no sweeping under the rug would change what you were feeling in this moment. One fact that changed everything.

There was no one else you’d rather be sharing a bed with than Steve.

“Steve,” you whispered, a hand on his forearm, shaking him gently.

“Mm?” he mumbled, still half asleep.

There was a rustle of sheets and a hoarse curse from behind you.

“Oh shit! I’m sorry!”

He sprang off of you like he’d been cuddling a hungry tiger. You frowned as you rolled over to face him.

“I’m so sorry. I must’ve been dreaming or yeah, sorry I’m a cuddler, I’ll cuddle anything in my sleep,” he waved his hand dismissively, his cheeks a deep scarlet.

He had actually jumped out of bed after he disentangled himself from you and now was standing on his side of the bed looking thoroughly embarrassed. It was adorable, but you decided to have mercy and put him out of his misery.

“The only thing you should be sorry about is the fact you stopped cuddling me. Now get back here because I’m cold again,” you pouted.

He practically melted at the sight of your cute pout. Your shirt had ridden up exposing the bare skin of your belly and side and he wanted nothing more than to put his warm hand on your skin while he kissed you.

The fact that the thought didn’t startle him made him realize just how far gone for you he was. There was no denying what he probably knew deep down all along. Now, he just wanted to kiss those lips that were pouting so sweetly at him.

“Can’t have you dying from hypothermia now can we?” he joked lightly as he slid back into bed, pulling you close.

His hand immediately went to the bare strip of skin, half resting on your clothed hip, half against your skin. His fingers stroked your skin absentmindedly and he swore he almost went breathless when you looked up at him, seriousness and sincerity in your eyes.

“Steve, I think I need to tell you something,” you whispered, bringing your bottom lip into your mouth between your top and bottom teeth.

It was a nervous habit of yours, something he knew well. But in this moment he really wished that you’d stop doing that because it made him want to silence you and just kiss the life out of you right then.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, “And don’t feel like you have to spare my feelings or anything when I tell you this, I just want you to be honest with me. Okay?”

“I’ll always be honest with you,” he promised, eyes searching your face.

You took a deep breath, ready to plunge into this head on. It was a huge risk and you were scared, but you never lied to Steve. You had to be honest about how you felt for him, even if he didn’t return those feelings.

“I don’t know how it happened, or when, but at some point along the way in these last few years I think I fell for you Steve. I don’t know how the hell it took a hotel bed for me to figure it out and I’m sure there’s some euphemism in there somewhere but I don’t want to be just friends anymore, Steve. I don’t think I can be. I realize that probably just put you on the spot and I’m sorry, please don’t feel like you have to respond now or-”

“Y/N,” he cut you off.

You winced, realizing you were babbling.

“I hope you got the gist of that,” you murmured.

“I did,” he smiled.

You were silent as his gaze broke from yours and he looked up, as if trying to find the courage to say whatever he had to say next, up on the ceiling. You tried to prepare yourself for whatever it was—good or bad, thought you expected the worst. What you didn’t expect was what he said next.

“I’ve fallen so fucking hard for you, Y/N.”

His voice was tentative, but his words were sure. His eyes lowered back to yours and you saw the earnestness in them.

“I guess we’ve been too stupid to realize it all this time, huh?” you joked half-heartedly.

“The important thing is that we finally did.”

His hand cupped your cheek, the pad of his thumb tracing over your bottom lip.

“I can’t imagine my life without you,” he whispered, “And I don’t want to. You know there’s this term called a Twin Flame.”

You watched him, listening intently.

“Technically it means one soul split across two bodies. But it kind of feels like us. You’re a part of me in so many ways and you truly have half of my soul.”

He said nothing else as he brought your face to his and pressed his lips softly against yours.

You finally knew what people meant about seeing fireworks when kissing someone because it was truly like seeing them going off in your head all while feeling them in your heart. It wasn’t weird to be kissing Steve, it felt right. It felt like Christmases and birthdays rolled into one. It was like a freshly fallen snow, before any tracks were made. The kiss was serene, but like it was meant to be.

You also learned that he was able to take your breath away with a single kiss.

When you’d parted, he looked as dazed as you felt. You were sure you had an identical expression on your face.

“Was that okay?” he asked, hesitantly.

“More than okay,” you smiled, lacing your fingers through his, this time holding his hand for a much different purpose.

He pulled you into him and your head nestled against his chest, much closer than you’d ever been. You could hear his heartbeat beneath his shirt, feel the warmth of his body against yours, experience the tingles that his light touch on your bare skin under your shirt was giving you.

His legs were tangled with yours, your hips pressed closely to his abdomen. It elicited other feelings within you and it made you realize there was still so much more of Steve to learn and experience—but that was for another day.

“Go back to sleep,” he whispered against your hair, “It’s just barely past 7 and everyone else won’t be awake for hours.”

You nodded, eyes slipping closed before you could even get another word out. Within minutes you were fast asleep in his warm embrace, Steve slipping into slumber not long after you.

•

You and Steve were all smiles at breakfast and it didn’t take a genius to know your friends were suspicious.

“You look chipper this morning,” Eddie smirked, gaze darting back and forth between you and Steve, “Anything you’d like to share with the rest of the class?”

You and Steve shared a smile before you got up to refill your juice glass.

“Nope. Just had a really great night’s sleep,” Steve said.

“Is that what they’re calling sex now?” you heard Robin mutter.

You about spilled your glass of juice, trying to cover your laughs as you brought a hand to your mouth.

“It’s about time though, dude. I always knew you guys were soulmates,” Eddie was saying as you returned to the table.

You sat down and Steve wrapped his free arm around your waist, giving your side a loving pat. You reached over, stealing a piece of bacon off his plate and adding it to yours before you resumed eating.

The dynamic may have changed between you and Steve, but some things would never change.

He was your best friend, soulmate and twin flame all rolled into one. You were pretty damn lucky, if you did say so yourself.

[sortasirius]

What the Fuck Happened to the SPN Finale?

Okay so here it is, my Charlie Kelly style manifesto.

Before I get into it, I recognize that I will look like this to many of you, and that’s okay, I understand:

Secondly, your personal Takes about the writers don’t interest me, I don’t need to hear them. This, as I’ll explain, is going to remain a writer positive blog, and that’s the end of it.

Third, and most importantly: some of what I’m going to talk about is fact, and some is highly educated speculation. I will notate what is speculation, just so there’s no confusion or hot takes in my inbox that I’m a conspiracy theorist or stirring shit up for no reason.

A list of what I’ll be discussing

The episode in regards to the rest of the season

The episode issues: length, editing

Scene placement and speculation of scenes cut

The scrubbing of Jack, Cas, Eileen

Network involvement and general timeline of when things were cut

Misha: theories on where he was, official company line, why we can’t expect to hear anything directly

The silence of the cast post episode (in Misha’s case, mid episode) and what this might mean

Jensen speaking with Kripke about the ending: why it doesn’t mean what you might think (also why kripke remained positive on the ending)

Walker, and why this episode had a major shift

Why the network would do this or get involved

Why the writers of the show simply aren’t the bad guys here, and what I “want” out of this post, since I know it’ll get asked

This is very long and under a cut, but I hope you’ll give it a read.

The Episode In Regards to the Rest of the Season

So, I’ve discussed this already here, but it’s the most obvious thing to me, and that’s the way this episode simply doesn’t fit with the rest of the season.

These people in this room have, truly, been nothing but consistent when it comes to their arcs, especially this season, and the marked dropoff in quality for the finale episode is just too sus to discount to me.  Dabb’s whole focus has been character-based.  In his seasons, we’ve moved far away from MOTW and bro-codependency, the found family taking it’s place.  Does it really sit right to anyone that that was all thrown away in literally the last episode of the entire show?

This is speculation on my part, but as a writer myself, there is no way I would be happy or willing to stamp my name on something that I didn’t think would, at the very least, wrap up the season+ character arcs that I and my team had been crafting.

And before anyone comes in here saying, “well GOT did that!”  Bruh.  The writing was on the wall for GOT long before the final episode.  You could tell that the showrunners just wanted to be done (not only from the plot, but from the fact that they lobbied for a shorter season).  Miss me with that, it doesn’t apply here.  Andrew has, besides Singer and J2, been with the show longer than anyone.  He cares, he is meticulous and detailed, and this ending feels worse than anything Bucklemming has ever written, let alone Dabb.

Additionally, I’ve seen a lot of people say that Dabb was never behind Destiel, that it was all Bobo and Meredith and no one else.  That is reductive to the point of insult of the work Dabb has done to get this greenlit.  This man did not write the s13 Dean grief arc to be slandered like this.  That being said, YES, Bobo and Meredith were the leads on the DeanCas arc this season, but ANDREW IS THE SHOWRUNNER, TO GET EVEN THE CONFESSION APPROVED BY THE NETWORK HE WOULD HAVE TO HAVE THEIR BACKS.  AND HE DID.

Finale Issues

So, now that we’ve gotten the fact that this episode doesn’t hit on any of the major themes the show was barrelling towards all season, let’s discuss the fact that the episode is just...weird.

Not only is it shorter than any other episode (I think with the intro and the credits/crew thing at the end, it was around 38 mins), but it was also...idk, 90% filler?

One of the lovely humans in the POLOL server did the legwork here, and broke it down:

This is weird, y’all.  Most series finales are LONGER than normal (Lost, SOA, Longmire are the ones I can think of off the top of my head), and for the final episode to be this?  I saw more than one person point out that we only really needed 19 episodes, what was the point of 20?  AND THAT’S EXACTLY IT?  WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS FINAL EPISODE IF THIS WAS ALL WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET?

It simply doesn’t make any sense, the first half of the episode was rushed, a final monster hunt gone wrong, but in the second half?  Nothing really happened?  Sam lived his entire life and Dean just drove around.  It doesn’t make sense to have all the emotional arcs left unaddressed in an episode that definitely needed some kind of spark.

Here’s the speculation I have: the episode seemingly went through a lot of changes between the initial inception of the final season and when we actually got it, but I think it would have been passable (as in, we wouldn’t be sitting here asking each other why each arc feels incomplete) until the editing room got ahold of it.  The only think that makes this episode make sense is network fuckery.  Truly, that is the only thing.  It explains the weird, cuts, the rushed pacing of the first half followed by nothing in the second half, the double montages of “Wayward Son” back to back, and Dean just...driving around for the last half of the episode.

Scene Placement and Speculation of Scenes Cut

Before I get into this section, the info of the shots in the episode I have come from a source that @occamshipper​ got a week or so before the finale.  She’s talked about this here.

So here’s what Min was given:

1-5: 1 INT MEN OF LETTERS – DEAN’S ROOM Dean is greeted by Miracle

6-10: 6 INT MEN OF LETTERS – HALLWAY/SAM’S ROOM Sam has his routine

D1 1 11-15: 15 EXT FARM HOUSE Establishing

N1 1/8 16-20: 19 Dad’s journal, marker, drawing of masked man in journal.

21-25: 23 INT IMPALA – PMP Driver picks the music

N2 1 3/8 1,2 26-30: 28pt2 INT BARN: A face from the past

28pt3 Sam and Dean say goodbye

28pt4 Shot early for technical reasons, presumably the overhead shot

N2 31-45: 41 INT MEN OF LETTERS – SAM’S ROOM Sam’s alarm goes off D4 1/8 1 46-60: 56 INT N7glasses for Sam, laptop.

So...it all fits right?  It all tracks with the actual episode, where it lands, etc.  The issue is between shots 29-40 which were apparently “too big to spoil.”  Uh.  Where are they?  And where’s 28 pt4?

After Dean dies, the next scene is Sam burning him, then shot 31, the shot of his alarm going off.

So.  Where are those 11ish shots?

PLUS we have the boards, which are scenes we KNOW were actually shot:

As well as scenes for 20 that were shot in 19.

It’s just...weird, it’s weird and again hits on the fact that the episode is so short and like 80% montage.

The Scrubbing of Jack, Cas, and Eileen

So now we have to reckon with the fact that Eileen was last mentioned by Sam after she got snapped by Chuck, Jack’s last mention is that he’s off being God somewhere, and Cas’ last mention is a ~knowing look~ between Dean and Bobby.

I’m sorry, make it make sense:

????????  That’s the end if it?  They don’t need to be discussed after this???  It’s just simply not something a writer would do, they would not introduce these characters, these arcs, without thinking there’s going to be some kind of follow through here.

So not only were three major characters (including two leads and both of the original characters’ love interests) completely wiped from the finale episode, it was as though Sam and Dean never even needed them, which just...ain’t it.

So why Eileen and Jack too?  Why not just take Cas out of it if they were afraid of the gay?  Because, ultimately, the episode went back to Kripke’s original story: just the bros, they only need each other and no one else.  They don’t want anyone else, they don’t need anyone else.  Easier to go back to something they knew was successful than trust the writers and their audience and take a big leap.

Alex even said he shot for 20 with “some of the guys” here.  What happened to that footage?

The complete 180 of it all still shocks me, I still cannot believe that we were essentially at the finish line, and the network just stopped short, and decided to go run another race, at the expense of the arc of this fifteen year legacy show.

Network Involvement and When Things Were Cut

Okay, now into the juicy stuff.

So I’ve pretty well established that network fuckery is clear, but how much did they get involved, what was the original intent?

Well again, we may never actually know what Andrew’s original script was, but I think, at the least, it would involve Dean speaking his truth to Cas and Sam living a life with Eileen.

Now, it seems today, that Misha said that Jimmy Novak was supposed to be in the finale in one iteration of the script, and while initially my brain was like “that truly makes no sense and he’s either straight up lying or telling a half truth,” I think what may be happening is Misha talking about as much as he can right now.

So Jimmy right.  Weird as fuck.  Why would he been in the Roadhouse and not Cas?  My current thought (this is about as reachy as I’ll get) is that Jimmy had no lines, could he have been in the Roadhouse as a red herring, like it said “Jimmy” in the script but it was just Cas in human clothes, a way to get around the network saying Cas couldn’t be in the final scene.  Also, you’ll notice that Misha didn’t say that Cas wasn’t supposed to be in the ep at all, just Jimmy in the last scene.

All this to say, there have clearly been multiple versions of the script, getting lighter and lighter with Cas and Eileen as the network pulled further and further back.  Remember, Dabb has to get things approved before they get shot, and if the network kept asking and asking and asking to cut Cas and Eileen, he had to find a way to work around it.  Granted, I still think that if we had been able to get a Dabb script that wasn’t torn to shreds in editing, it wouldn’t be so bad.  It may not be what a lot of us wanted (Dean speaking his truth to Cas and a reciprocation), but doing everything he could to give it to us in subtext or visual clues.

Plus, in all honesty, my man can’t keep his story straight anyway.  He said twice in his panel that the Empty and offscreen Heaven ending weren’t his original ending either.

In addition, remember that Jensen did ADR post episode 18, AND said in a meet and greet last weekend that Dean’s reaction to Cas’ confession was “cut down.” (Source here).  Many of us clowns got excited when we first heard about ADR, because we thought it would be upping the ante on Dean’s reaction, but I remember being a little sus when it was just crying.  My speculation on that is that they cut out Dean actually SAYING something, @winchestersingerautorepair​ spoke about that here.

The biggest sins were, in my opinion, committed during editing, where the network got too gun shy and sliced the episode until it was nothing but a heartless bro-fest of a finale, not mentioning anything about the other major characters that we all love, and letting the boys just suffer in separation until Sam died and finally joined Dean in Heaven.  The editing came by cutting all the major emotional beats between anyone other than Dean and Sam, leaving the skeleton of the story intact, just shorter and less...poignant than it was ever supposed to be.

Misha

We know Misha was in Vancouver, we know he quarantined, but we also know he wasn’t in the final scene, when he spoke about being in the last moment of the show months ago.  We were not crazy, he was there, he quarantined, and, in all likelihood (speculation but fitting with the timeline), he actually may have shot something (not much, but something).

I have sources here, here, here, and here showing where Misha was at that time.

Remember, the man was completely open about coming back until they finished shooting (look at this thread).  The switch happened, just like everything else, halfway through them shooting.

Please also remember Jake Abel posting his “Where’s Misha” video here.  Jake isn’t malicious, he isn’t being nasty here.  Misha was there, and everyone that’s trying to convince people he’s wasn’t just...isn’t telling the truth about it.

This is one of the things that makes me really mad, because they’re literally attempting to gaslight people into thinking, “oh we were totally wrong he was never supposed to be there” WHEN HE WAS THERE, WE KNOW HE WAS THERE.

So we’ve already heard from several people (Meghan Fitzmartin, Jay, a PA on the set of 19 (WHO WAS NOT WORKING FOR 20), Misha himself) that this was all down to Covid restrictions.  Ultimately, as this post says, we’ve heard FIVE versions of where Misha was.  None of it makes sense, but the Covid protocol seems to be the company line that others are repeating.

You may ask: why?  Why lie to all of us when we have questions?  Why, in Jay’s case, say that we’re all spreading false lies to stir up trouble, when we just have questions and things that do not make sense.  Simply?  Warner Brothers is absolutely massive.  These people have their careers to protect and are likely all under NDAs.  They want to work for WB again and don’t want to burn bridges, including Misha.  It sucks, but that’s why it’s unlikely that we’ll hear someone come out and say, “yeah we’re lying to you.”

Silence of the Cast Post Episode

So this is...probably the worst part of all this, at least in my opinion.

The guys had all been pretty excited about the end of the show (especially Jared, but Jensen’s panel last week was Jensen as happy and jokey and positive as I’ve ever seen him.  He was so excited about episode 18, about what it meant for Dean and for Cas, and I just cannot buy that he would have been that excited unless he thought there was something more in the episode.

Misha live-tweeted the episode, and was watching it with his kids.  It’s well known that Misha and the kids don’t watch the show because it’s too scary, and let’s ask ourselves, why would he have them watch an episode that he’s barely even mentioned in?

He also stopped live-tweeting at a very specific point in the episode (Dean’s death) and has not mentioned Supernatural since then. 

None of them, not Jared, Jensen, Misha, or even Alex, said anything about the episode for nearly 36 hours, when Jensen posted a salty photo on instagram.  It’s just...not what you’d expect for the end of a 15 year show, when the cast and crew are so close to the fans, so close to each other. 

My theory?  They didn’t know.  They thought Misha was, at least, going to be in the episode in some way, and when he wasn’t, they decided not to say anything.

You really think that Jensen “Heller” Ackles would have been so excited about the end of the show last week if he thought Cas wasn’t going to be in it at all?  Nah son, doesn’t make any sense.

Even today, in Jared and Misha’s panels, they seemed sad and...more than a little careful, both saying that there were things they couldn’t say, both talking around things that we all have questions on.

Jensen Speaking with Kripke

So this is where a lot of people are getting fodder to take shots at the writers, saying that Jensen hated it from the beginning, but I don’t think so.  I actually think I know what Jensen went to him about, and it wasn’t the lack of Cas or the weird pacing or the montages (which I don’t think were there when Jensen got the script); I think it was the manner of Dean’s death.

I know a lot of people were upset about that, upset with how...normal it was, coming off an episode where they literally beat God.  I actually didn’t mind it, I thought it was an interesting thematic take to be like: you can be a hero all your life, but sometimes shit happens, and you just die.

But imagine how hard that was for Jensen to read.  He would run to Kripke for that, because for him, Dean dying by being impaled by a piece of rebar had to be tough to swallow.

So, why didn’t Kripke say that?  Why didn’t he say, “oh well he had a problem with Dean’s death, none of that other stuff was in the script.”

Guys.  Why would he get involved?  He’s not going to burn bridges any more than anyone else is.  He said the ending was good because it’s the easy thing to do, it’s simple, will cause him no problems in his career, and he can just ignore the people trying to engage with him on it.

Walker

Something else to talk about is the major shift this episode had from the rest of the season: the shift from Dean to Sam.  I am NOT saying that Sam isn’t important, he definitely, absolutely is, but it was DEAN who really needed to wrap up his arc, Sam just needed to move on, get married to Eileen, become the leader he was always meant to.  So what changed?  What was with the shirtless scene, the Austin number and random case there, most of the episode being heavily Sam focused, going through his entire life in a montage?

Anyone else notice the 375 Walker promos, or Jared’s little spiel about Walker and how he hoped SPN fans would “come along for the ride.”

It’s...kinda obvious?  CW wanted to appeal to who they think the key demographic of SPN and Walker is: rural areas in the South.  It would explain a lot, why so much editing, why so Sam focused, the Austin number, the number of Walker promos, all of it.

I’m not saying this is fact, I don’t know that it is, but it is a little suspicious that even in Jared’s panel today, he talked A LOT about Walker and how he hopes SPN fans will watch it.

Why Would the Network Get Involved?

Simply put: $$$

If they think Walker can be the new SPN, and that those crazy SPN fans liked it originally, it’s a lot safer to go with the “original intent” of the show than do something risky (like making one of your two original leads queer).

And?  They don’t care.  They don’t care that the episode didn’t make sense, they don’t care that all the emotional arcs were left hanging, they don’t care by (potentially) smashing together two of Dean’s monologues (one to Sam, one to Cas) that it came of as...gross. ( @curioussubjects​ wrote a beautiful post showing how part of that death speech was likely meant for Dean here).  They don’t care, they never have, they just want to make their money and move on from the too-loud fandom that fought for representation too hard for too long.

It can’t help but feel insidious, which, honestly, it might be, but it really all comes down to the next cash cow, which, they think, is Walker, even at the cost of the fifteen year legacy show.

The Writers and What I Want

So here it is, all this weird, sus shit laid out on the line.  And you know what?  To me, there is no way to blame the writers, because they didn’t want this.

I don’t think Dabb and Bobo would have gone ahead with the confession in 18 without thinking that there would be some closure to that arc, they wouldn’t have done that not only to the fans, but for the sake of their own story as well: no writer wants to start something that they can’t finish. (And this applies to both Cas and Eileen).

Here’s a basic rundown of what I think happened: they had a clear arc from 18-20, ending in reciprocation at some level from Dean, Sam marrying Eileen, Hunter Sam as the new Bobby, Dean in heaven with Cas and big roadhouse reunion at the end. Covid prevented a good amount of that. Network had to stare at big gay 18 for six months, got cold feet. Thought about Walker, target audience and alienation of the rural areas if it went full gay. Misha quarantined and likely shot something (not much), he was then cut by execs and went home. They likely added in lines referencing Eileen and Cas to make it clear but more subtextual. They wrap, editing gets it and hacks it to pieces, so we get a shorter episode that’s mostly montages and jarringly bro-centric with nothing else. Arcs are left hanging. Dabb gets episode but it’s too late, there’s nothing he can do. Actors aren’t told so they can continue to do positive PR for the ending, they all found out at the same time we did: hence almost complete silence about the finale.

And you know what?  They warned us.  I talked about it here, but they’ve been telling us all season that Chuck wasn’t the writer, he’s the network.  I don’t think, still, that they thought it would be cut up like this, into something so unsalvageable that it’s been panned by almost everyone, even people who didn’t care much about Dean and Cas.

Finally, a masterpiece can be ruined by editing, and while I’m not sure even the script they ended up shooting on was a masterpiece (due to the network meddling already), but to me it’s blatantly obvious that it’s no one but the network that caused this, that took away closure for Dean, Cas, and even Sam.

So what do I want?  Nothing really, there’s nothing we can do, but I wrote this mostly to show people that the writers are not your enemy.   In fact, to the people trashing them?  You’re doing exactly what the CW wants you to: blame the obvious targets, blame Misha, blame Jensen and Jared, blame Dabb.  Scream and yell at them on Twitter and about how the show is ruined because of them.  The network keeps their engagement levels high, they don’t get as targeted for their behavior, and just keep moving along.

Just, please, think about who did this,  Mourn the show, be angry, but not at the people who fought tooth and nail for this for literal years, not the people who wanted it more than we did, not the people who cannot say anything because of their careers and the NDAs they’re bound by.

Someone is going to spill eventually, but until then, we just have to wait, and continue to be loud.

[supercorp-hosie]

Josie and Lizzie personality, dynamics and popularity in reality

I've kind of done this before, like in my thoughts for 315. Now, I've made some additions to them, so I think why not start a new post? There are some points that remained the same with my thoughts for 315 and I've integrated some points from my rating of the writing of Legacies characters too.

Starting from Alaric being an absent father since the twins were 11. Caroline wasn’t there either. What’s left for Lizzie? Josie.

Josie had to handle herself and Lizzie alone. Sure Alaric might not always be absent, but the intensity of Lizzie’s perspective begs to differ. Josie had to understand Bipolar at a very young age; be there when Lizzie had her outburst; constantly checks on Lizzie to take her meds; digest the emotion impacts after the outburst; understand how Lizzie functions when she was down. None of that are easy. No one asks about how Josie feels. How she pent out? What does she need? Josie might feel the need to be not needing things and always be good so that she can get the love and attention from Alaric (in s1, Josie felt the need to lose the game to get on Alaric good side). As results, she just started to suppress her voice and her needs, because Lizzie needed them the most. Over time or years of suppressing in front of her dearest family, she most likely felt unneeded by her parents, and forgettable to her parents (the girl so quiet that her parents forget about her, the girl that Penelope won’t fight for anymore). She needed to feel needed, so she just let Lizzie take all of her, from whom she felt needed the most. It started a vicious cycle for the twins, shaped their dynamics and how Josie is in present days. Unfortunately, her problems were never solved, they accumulated, leaving the good and dark side from Josie being so separated and unbalanced, as no one has helped her to sort them out. The inner turmoil is always there, leading to the extreme polarity of Josie’s good and bad side.When she’s doing bad, she would be especially aggressive than she needed to be because that’s an instinct to compensate the lack of action before. After long suppression, once being released, the instinct would be stronger than usual and more uncontrollable. Under the influence of dark magic, Dark Josie felt like another personality taking over the whole Josie and protect their interests that true Josie are neglecting. Kind of like dissociative identity disorder but not really it? Fear the dog that doesn't bark.

From Lizzie perspective, we can see how she perceived Josie when they were little. Like Lizzie being princess but Josie being her android, personal valet? It just showed that after what Josie had endured and done, Lizzie thought of herself being princess but didn’t think Josie as her equal? Like Josie was programmed to bow to Lizzie. That’s the twins dynamic showing, partly Josie's mistake, but Josie deserved more than that, even when she’s derogatory to herself, Lizzie should uphold that for her. What really warms me from the Android situation, is that from how Josie is the combination of two Androids, showing that Lizzie actually looked up to Josie. For Lizzie, Josie can really take care of her so well that Lizzie can count Josie as her personal valet. Derogatory, yes, but that place is also very important to prince and princess. Remember that Lizzie can’t cook but Josie is like expert in cooking or baking? The knowledge for Android part means that in Lizzie’s mind, Josie actually is like the person who knows everything. Usually that figure should be our parents, but for Lizzie, Josie knows the answer to all. The fact that the special sword was in Josie’s thigh the whole time, just show the trust that Lizzie had in Josie. The security of her needs that Lizzie got from Josie and the validation Josie got from Lizzie, it’s kind of how the codependency between them works. Lizzie voices, Josie listens; Lizzie wants, Josie gives.

About Lizzie mental illness, after my research, I think that Lizzie situation is more like borderline personality disorder rather than bipolar. Lizzie has this low self-esteem issue, she sees herself lowly sometimes. Evidently, she always thinks that she had to better herself more, even in 310 where she misjudged Finch, she forgot the fact that she had improved a lot along the seasons and just go straight to a retreat, because she thinks she’s still a very bad person. A second before she saw herself like holy almighty, the next second she saw herself so bad that she was like the person in season one (and even in season one she wasn’t that bad). However, we can also see Lizzie thinks very highly of herself sometimes, or uses a narcissistic attitude to cover up her insecurities regarding her self-image, they just doesn't match with people's view of it. The most alarming one must be the whole thing about her funeral. It's clear that she hasn’t had a stable self-image of herself, which is more of a personality disorder rather than Bipolar, a mood disorder. About Lizzie’s mood swings, they are too sudden, abrupt, it triggers by events and the outcome of the trigger is quite immediate. As for Bipolar, the mood swing is more of a consistent cycle, not abrupt. Yes, events might trigger something, but they take time to set in. Patients will be overly energetic during maniac while feeling overly fatigue during the depression state. They can’t actually control their mood, it’s a mood disorder.

Tbh, the twins really have their personality issues to deal with. I totally agree with other about them being each other's foil. Like Lizzie being the one in between, while Josie being the one in extreme. Turning out that under the mean girl cover, Lizzie has such big heart; while Josie being the model sister on the extremely good side, turning out that she can be extremely dark. For real, they had like six personalities as a whole. The polarity in Josie; the polarity of Lizzie's self-image; plus the twins themselves being the foil and mirage to each other. They both have serious mental problems, Lizzie's apparent, Josie's invisible.

How does these reflect on their relationship? People would choose to get along with someone like Josie, they benefit from her habit of caring, listening, giving, and she doesn’t seem to have serious problem. As for Lizzie, people mostly like to be heard and to not be covered by another voice, they would want enough reciprocation, a habit which Lizzie is not that familiar. Not to mention, having a mental condition being well-known is not the best trait for strangers to start a new friendship or relationship. Moreover, when people observe their dynamic, they jump to conclusion rather quickly, that Lizzie is always taking things from Josie; she doesn’t care for Josie, etc. It doesn’t help Lizzie much as Josie tends to hide under that too, as being quiet is kind of a routine for her. She wants the spotlight but habitual instincts make her tend to hide from the spotlight. Therefore, as for popularity,Josie is definitely at the top, adored dearly by her peers, thus won an election herself wasn’t even running; while Lizzie, you know. Between a dog that always barks and one that doesn't bark, which will you choose? (not derogatory) However, if someone attack Lizzie, Josie will still protect her, like she did tell Penelope to leave Lizzie alone.

To shed light on Josie’s jealousy, it rooted from the abandonment issues of the twins. It is a consequence of them being Alaric’s second choice and the absence of Caroline. For Lizzie, the issue remains with only Hope, Alaric’s betrayal for Hope in her fanfics; in 314, people prioritising Hope over her is very triggering; even in 316, the heavenly state she’s in because Ethan asked her out after the whole "Hope is perfect" speech, indicate that how she can’t believe someone would choose her over Hope. As she never thinks that she can hold a competition against Hope and win. Lizzie’s abandonment issue is minimal because of the presence of Josie, it provides the security in Lizzie’s life, as she is the first choice for Josie.

The abandonment issue is worse for Josie. Even if Josie is Lizzie blind spot, this part of Lizzie is not usually make known of. Josie would feel that she is second choice to everyone, including Lizzie. Like the personal valet that has no needs? Lizzie is just 11, but 11 is an important age in shaping people’s security in a relationship. Josie couldn’t have got much security from all her important relationship, hence the abandonment issues. She always feels helpless in them, afraid to voice her needs, desperately needed recognition from her parents which is probably very few. She needs control but she didn’t know the way to get it, so she got none. The insecurities heighten when it comes to her love life, making her easily provoked if she saw something she didn’t like. Results from the habitual quietness, her way of defending herself and gaining control is to lower her competition, like hurting the girl hitting on Landon, being hostile to Hope. She hated Penelope for abandoning her, she remained control mostly, when provoked, Josie’s abandonment issues and the insecurities in being the second choice were triggered so badly that she set her on fire. The time she did what she need to do, she overdid it, because her dark side needs to compensate what hadn't been done to protect oneself and tend to the needs – to balance out the imbalance. As she loses more control over the issue while desperately wants to suppress the need of control, the polarity in her keeps worsening and the dark side of her keeps surfacing.

This is why Josie is written to embrace and take care of herself, tend to her needs, like her never need to better herself. Lizzie is written to constantly better herself when she seems like a better person than Josie. Josie’s issues root from years of neglecting her needs, while Lizzie has years of habit of ignorance on how to care when she does care. Therefore, Josie taking care of herself = bettering herself, providing a balance in her so her mental can be stable even when provoke. If Lizzie cannot construct a good self-image, while getting positive feedback to reassure her self-image disparity, she can never overcome her personality disorder. Hence bettering herself to meet her own needs.

Their behaviours as presented are cultivated and shaped by each other under the unhealthy circumstances of their household. It is not logical to only accuse of one twin regarding their behaviours to each other without bringing the other twin and their parents into consideration.

@legacies-supremacy I still remember our twins dynamic discussion, I hope this bring my response as a whole. Btw, you kind of said that in 106, Josie tell Lizzie to go to their party without her several times and Lizzie waited for her? It's not true.

Regarding the whole situation, Josie spent all her time helping Lizzie get ready. When Lizzie is done, she said, "You’re not even dressed, I don’t want to be late on my own party." Josie said, "I’m done, I’ll catch up with you, okay?" Then Lizzie take off to the party and enter without Josie without question. After wearing the talisman, Penelope appeared. She expresses her desire to continue to make Lizzie uncomfortable or unhappy or angry. Josie wanted Penelope to ease up on Lizzie. Penelope said, "You have crawled so far down the codependence rabbit hole that you think taking care of yourself is selfish. Party starts in five. It’s a shame you spent all of that time helping Lizzie get ready." When Josie was dressed, she needed someone to help her braid, so for once she try something out of desire, she goes to Josette Laughlin. When Josette asked her whether Josie will be late to her own party, Josie said, "no one will notice". She expressed her thought that if Lizzie knew about her crush on Rafael too, the situation will look bad, so she kept silent.

During the party, Lizzie immediately enjoyed herself with MG. They had flirty moves with each other (i think). Once the soft music set in, she immediately changed partner. Penelope was the only one that notice Josie was no where to be seen (meanwhile Josie was getting buried alive). While Alaric encountered Hope to save Josie, Penelope is still the only one actively searching for Josie without request. After Hope met with MG and Penelope, the three of them started saving Josie together. Meanwhile Rafael told Lizzie the truth that he still hadn't moved on. Lizzie seemed like she was starting to melt down, and started asking for Josie. Hope, Penelope and MG saved Josie without Lizzie.

It is what it is, and I'm not blaming Lizzie. The whole getting buried alive thing just kind of enhanced Josie's feeling bad of getting what she desired. I kind of remember that she said that for once she listened to people urging her to pursue her desires and it ended up getting herself buried. Then Penelope like rewarded her with a kiss.

[kitkatopinions]

The sad thing is that Blake's most healthiest option romance wise is someone who gives her space and willing to let her go. Sun fits this description perfectly. But they went with a codependent toxic relationship partially held together by guilt in which one side is clearly submissive and the other too worried and insecure.

Yeah, tbh, the send off to Sun at the start of volume six made me think they would pick up the relationship where it left off eventually for a couple different reasons, but one of them was this reason.

I want to preface this post by saying that A. I don’t really like Bumblebee and I don’t need a reason to dislike it even though I have reason to dislike it, B. I’ve shipped BlackSun from Sun’s first introduction, and C. also I’m coming at this as someone who has been in a co-dependent relationship, so all three of those things means I’m naturally a little biased. I’m not pretending this is all a super objective, impersonal interpretation. This is just me talking honestly about my thoughts towards a ship I don’t like. Bees, I’m sorry if this shows up in your tags, Tumblr is being screwy and I’m not trying to rain on anyone else’s posts. I’m using filterables and putting this under a keep reading to try and make it easier for Bumblebee fans to not see this.

I had - when I saw season six’s opening ep - given the show mad props for writing a romance driven relationship where the partners didn’t have to stay together all the time to still care about each other and be secure. It felt like the perfect move to me to get some distance between their characters while firmly establishing that Sun had never done the things he’d done ‘to win the girl,’ and didn’t consider himself ‘letting Blake go.’ Sun not only being willing to spend this time away from Blake, but to not even need it really said, and to have his own stuff he needed to do as well... All of that felt like a healthy, independent relationship. I don’t mean to get personal on main, but I’ve been in a relationship where I felt partially responsible for my partner’s happiness and he tried to do things like keep me from my friends or guilt me into things. I ignored the red flags because our relationship was important to me, but it made me feel pretty unhappy because I was always worried that if I didn’t do the things he wanted, he would get upset and over-react, and put himself down until I built him back up, and if we didn’t spend the majority of our time together, he would start talking about feeling like I didn’t really care that much about him and how lonely he felt. This was really exhausting to me, especially since I’m an introvert.

Sun always seemed like such a good partner for Blake because he was always so self-possessed, so confident in who he was already, independent and happy and accepting of Blake’s independence. Sun was always there for Blake, but he also was the one usually pushing her towards interacting with others too, they were able to go do separate things and even go on completely different missions with confidence and without drama. For a character who had previously been in a destructive, possessive, controlling, abusive relationship, it had seemed like a scene that clearly established Blake and Sun’s relationship as one where Sun wasn’t expecting Blake to stay with him all the time, respected her goals and her independence, and had his own life and his own friends too. I had kind of just assumed that the choice to have Sun leave the group and go to Vacuo was to further their relationship. Upon rewatching the scene later now that I know that the writers were already starting to try to implement Bumbleby, I can see how the show writers might’ve been intending that scene to be an amiable goodbye where Sun confirms to Neptune that they aren’t actually an item with his ‘it was never about that.’ But I just have to shake my head, because I was giving the writers credit for something they didn’t do.

Instead, they were trying to tie off the relationship between Sun and Blake by having him leave, not cementing Blake’s independence and Sun’s encouragement of that (and they tied it off badly imo because Blake freakin’ kissed��the boy lol.) And once they had Sun leave, they started setting Blake up with Yang. I want to clarify that there’s nothing wrong with the writers deciding to go with Blake x Yang, and the ship itself was not a totally baseless one. I’m personally disappointed that one of my favorite RWBY ships isn’t going to be endgame, and I personally don’t like the idea of Blake and Yang as a couple. But my problem isn’t really with the ship itself, it’s with how the show writers have chosen to write the ship in execution.

Getting past the queerbaitery nature of Bumblebee as a ship, the choices surrounding Blake and Yang seem faulty on both sides (which I also think is important to remember. I’ve seen loads of people recognizing that Bumblebee as written in the show is destructive to Blake, but I’ve seen much fewer people talk about how it’s not the best for Yang too.)

Let’s start from the fact that Blake is an abuse victim. She was previously in a relationship with Adam and talks about his destructive and violent behavior. Blake has a really hard time trusting people because of how Adam had acted. He was explosive, manipulative, and he got angry at and hurt Blake specifically for leaving him. The last thing Blake would need is a relationship where she feels personally responsible for the stability of another person. The last thing she needs is to be pressured into staying with someone. The last thing she needs is to be expected to be with that person without the option of ever working with others. The last thing she needs is to be in a relationship where she can’t be apart from someone even temporarily without that person getting anxious and insecure or without having to feel guilty and like she did something wrong.

And yet the show has her in a relationship with someone that has abandonment issues. The show has her promise to stay with Yang in a moment of huge trauma, Blake crying out a desperate denial to the accusations of the abusive ex who had made her life hell, after he tried to again separate her from anyone she loved and she was forced to kill someone she had once deeply cared about. It was also a really weird choice of the writers to have the characters respond to a question over if they’d ever thought about working with other partners with dismissive and cold behavior as if the very idea was somehow wrong (especially since Yang spent quite a bit of time pre-volume six working with Weiss and Blake spent so much of her time working with Sun.) And the writers chose to frame Blake and Yang leaving on temporary separate missions in volume eight to result in insecurity and anxiety from Yang and guilt for Blake. On top of that, Yang is a person with a strong temper and aggressive tendencies. Although she seemed to be trying to work through those problems in seasons four and five, Yang backslid and seems just as controlled by her anger and her insecurities as her volume 2 self now, who had lashed out at Blake and angrily pushed her for not listening in ‘burning the candle.’

As for Yang, she lost her mom when she was very young (Ruby was a toddler,) and her dad temporarily shut down after that. She soon found out her biological mom had left her when she was a baby and spent her whole life wondering why while her uncle spent that time flitting in and out of her life and taking on dangerous missions - the same types of missions that had killed the woman who had raised Yang for the first part of her life. Yang has deep seeded fears of being abandoned and losing her loved ones, and she also has a history of trying to take care of and support the people around her even at her own personal expense. While Yang’s more selfless moments in season five - like giving up her dream of getting answers from Raven to follow and protect Ruby even when she clearly wasn’t wholly healed from her trauma - are admirable, what Yang absolutely doesn’t need in a partner is someone who she feels like she has to protect and save and sacrifice for. What Yang absolutely doesn’t need in a partner is someone she feels like she can’t rely on to be there for her. What she doesn’t need in a partner is someone who can’t give her stability or struggles to trust her. What she doesn’t need in a partner is someone who won’t call her out when she goes a little too far. And yet the writers chose to put Yang with someone who runs on the regular, the only member of their team who thought Yang might be lying about Mercury, someone who needs time and distance when Yang clearly needs someone who is consistent and present. And then the writers made it so that Yang and Blake spend very little time with anyone else. The writers made it so that they can’t be apart without guilt and anxieties.

And you guys, Blake in seasons 6-8 feels so needy. She’s consistently in need of saving, consistently doesn’t stand for herself, seems like she needs a lot of reassurance in her relationship, she’s consistently waiting for other people to make moves, etc. Even when Blake convinces Yang to divulge top secret information to Robyn, when Ironwood confronts them about it, Blake backs up and leaves Yang to explain their actions. In the early seasons, it feels like Yang cares more about their friendship than Blake does and that she’s putting in more effort, which don’t get me wrong, makes total sense since Blake had just gotten out of an abusive relationship and Yang’s clear anger problems (and her using a laser pointer to try and force Blake to talk to her,) might’ve made Blake hesitant to get close to or open up to Yang. But while it no longer feels like Yang cares more, it still feels like Yang puts in more work. Yang is constantly reassuring, protecting, comforting, and stepping up for Blake, while Blake is so passive and acts so dependent that I personally can’t help but feel like Yang must be exhausted. Yang needs stability and reassurance too, Yang needs a partner she can talk to and rely on to be there. When the writers did write Blake as trying to comfort and take care of Yang, it was way too much and had undertones of ableism. And I know, I know they had this ‘we’re taking care of each other’ moment when they were fighting Adam, but that’s just what we were told for one scene, and not what we’ve actually seen in their relationship.

The worst thing is that it didn’t need to be that way. Bumbleby could’ve been a really good ship that built on their foundation. Blake used to be an independent, brave, strong, active character. Blake stood up for herself to Weiss, told Ozpin to his face that he needed to do more for the Faunus, used to have a great, creative fighting style, used to be this sassy girl who’d banter with Sun and with Yang and when she did start opening up to Yang, it was a great way to start evolving their characters to be a strong relationship. In V3 when Blake admitted that she had doubts about Yang due to her past experiences with Adam, but opened herself up and decided to trust Yang anyway when Yang looked her in the eyes and told her sincerely exactly what had happened... That was so great and it really showed off the dynamic the two of them were starting to adapt. CRWBY might’ve immediately separated the two, but A. Seasons four and most of season five had great set up for them to work through their problems and then continue to grow that great dynamic we started seeing in the first three seasons. And B. their respective arcs continued their growth as characters even apart from each other. While I wish that RWBY had let the two work some of this out together, the growth that we were getting did make them more suited for each other. I’ll always ship BlackSun. But Yang getting a hold on her emotions, maturing, starting to work through her abandonment issues, and displaying just what a caring, honest person she was, at the same time that Blake was working through her past and her fears, learning to let people in, strengthening her resolve, and coming into her own as a leader... Come on, those two characters could’ve easily developed a good, healthy, strong, independent relationship and I’m legitimately sad that’s not what we got, especially since we sacrificed so much of Blake’s personality to get a worse ship.

I don’t even know what to say about it, tbh. Idk what else the writers expected us to think with how they wrote things. I’ve heard before that there was probably a cut scene in volume eight that included Yang and Blake fighting (which would then justify Yang and Blake’s reactions when they reunited,) and I do believe that, but the writers chose not to include it, and that made them look worse as a couple. Just like they chose not to include a scene where Blake and Yang work through the problem of Blake having left Yang without a word of explanation at the end of Volume 3. And they didn’t include a scene where Blake explains herself and Yang realizes that maybe she was being a little shortsighted about the trauma Blake had also gone through. And they didn’t include a scene where Blake actually learned that she didn’t have to protect or take care of Yang in volume six. And they haven’t included a scene where Blake puts just as much effort into their relationship as Yang does. And they didn’t include a scene where the two make it clear that they’re fine being apart. If anything, CRWBY has established the opposite, and it isn’t enough to just say that they’re taking care of each other, when they don’t show that to be the case. 

Sun being not only willing to let Blake be with others, go her own way, and be her own person, but encouraging of that, made him a very compelling romantic prospect for her. Unfortunately I just don’t see that with Blake and Yang. Their relationship feels co-dependent, and maybe it’s just my personal experience talking and making me chafe, but I personally just don’t like it.

However, fans have been queerbaited long enough. So personal opinions aside, CRWBY give Bumblebee some confirmation you fucking cowards.

[mercuryislove]

Don’t hate me but… I kinda want you to answer all of the deep dive WIP asks 🥺 if that’s unreasonable tho, just 2, 9, and 10 please!

I am SORRY for the delay!!! i answered every question for BOTH projects so you're in for like.... several thousand words of shit that makes absolutely no sense, but i hope you you enjoy it! :)

1. Who are two characters that don't like each other? What do they reveal about each other to the readers? Will they ever learn to put aside their differences?

White Crane: okay this is hard because like. so many people do not like each other. (I know I made a post once about how terrible it would be to be one of twenty-eight people that have the power of dead gods but are trapped in stupid human bodies and you're all a thousand years old and hate each other so so so so so much because you all SUCK.) But for the sake of simplicity, I will talk about Ciaran and Sihla who never got along but only played nice to keep Anwei happy. They absolutely do NOT put aside their differences lmao once everything kind of, um, blows up between the three of them, all they want to do is KILL each other. She makes it her life's goal to make him suffer, and he basically loses his sanity in the process of trying to find a way to kill her for good. The beef is unbelievable. ANYWAY, what they reveal about each other is that Ciaran is not nearly as innocent in anything as he likes to pretend and Sihla is not as guilty as everyone says she is. I mean, she is still a terrible person in many ways, but that does not excuse the things he did to her all those years ago. She hates him for many, many good reasons.

Old Blood: Andhira HATES the entire Ekion family, but specifically the oldest son (who does not have an official name yet.... oops). He doesn't much care for her either but is usually too busy trying to better his social standing to worry too much about her. Except when they're in the same room together (which happens semi-regularly because her brother is kind of in love with him lmao). They hate each other for the exact same reason and it's that they're both SO arrogant. They look down on everyone around them (which in Andhira's case is like. fair. She's the firstborn of the two most powerful people on the planet, and the only person that comes close to that level of power is her twin brother who was born a mere fourteen minutes after her) but think the other is completely unjustified in their actions. Really all it reveals to a reader is that they both kind of suck and need to get over themselves because all that behavior does is make people resent you. They only put aside their differences because she does kind of need his help once or twice, but they would gladly spit in each other's face and/or push each other down a flight of stairs in the name of pettiness.

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2. What do you hope your readers will take away from your wip? Is there an intentional theme to the story?

These can be answered together! I started writing these stories because I wanted to have fun but they've both kind of morphed into a long-winded way of saying that like. it's okay to be messed up and hate yourself and have major internal struggles because there are people who still love you. I KNOW it doesn't sound like that from uhhhhhh literally everything I've ever said about this stuff but bear with me. The BIG theme is that love is EVERYTHING. All kinds of love. It's the reason to keep on going. You are never alone, even strangers can love you in their own way, etc etc etc etc. Also gay love fucking prevails always and forever.

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3. What do you love most about your protagonist?

Yixing is funny and weird and definitely a horse girl and he kind of sucks sometimes because he's stubborn as hell and has terrible people skills and maybe also a drinking problem, but he is kind and empathetic and despite the absolute hell he's lived through, he still sees the good in people and knows that it's easy to make mistakes and that most people deserve second chances in life. Also I like him because he is without a doubt the ideal man and I made him that way on purpose. And god I wish we could drink together. I'm talking stumbling drunk, crying on the bathroom floor, please-hold-my-hair-i'm-about-to-throw-up kind of drinking. We would have a great time being stupid together I think.

Vera is resilient and mean and stubborn and cold and off-putting and hard to get to know, and she sucks for those reasons but it's also why I love her so much. She has also lived through hell and it didn't make her try to see the good in people like Yixing does. It just made her bitter and resentful. She warms up over time, but she fights tooth and nail against it. I also love her so much because she is the archetype of like. the washed up former prodigy that has to return sort of against her will to her old life, and she realizes that she misses it in some ways but also remembers exactly why she left. I would Not want to drink with her (because she doesn't drink anymore), but I would love to take one of her art classes.

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4. Is there anything in the story that is implied but not directly stated? Will this become more relevant later on? How perceptive would a reader have to be to pick up on this?

White Crane: This is hard because I'm so invested in my own shit that it feels obvious to me, but I try to lay out a little candy trail that tells the reader that Ciaran and Anwei are Not What They Seem right from the start. It’s hard to explain without specific examples but it’s in the way they talk, they way they interact with other people, the way certain things they say don’t line up, etc etc etc. And there is a Big Hint of what will happen to Ciaran in the second and third installment, but idk if that counts. Also there are definitely implications that Yixing is trans but that's neither here nor there (honestly I’ve gone back and forth on whether or not he should be explicitly trans or if it should be left to reader interpretation because well... I don’t know if I'm capable of writing the nuance of transness because I'm not trans despite my complex and confusing relationship with gender but I'm also not a thirty-something year old Asian man NOR am I a god NOR am I a former vampire hunter NOR am I like. any of the things I write about other than a mean lesbian so. who knows?)

Old Blood: TRUE FANS already know this one, but regular degular readers that haven't participated in funny question friday or read my random late night posting would not immediately know that Josef and the Sovereign were once involved. Basically the only characters in the story that know are Josef, Luka, the Sovereign himself, and Tahire. But there are definitely some hints peppered throughout conversations and perhaps some photos and trinkets that Josef has kept after all this time... It has like no weight on the events of the story but I just think it's fun. Once again I am way too invested to know if it's easy to pick up on or not but I think it takes some theorizing about maybe? Other than that there aren’t any significant secrets.

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5. Which character has the most intricate backstory? Is this backstory common knowledge from the start, or is it revealed later on? How does the backstory affect the narrative?

White Crane: this is unfair because some of the characters are almost a thousand years old and some of them are like. 35. I DO have a full timeline written out of the thousand years of history that Ciaran and Anwei have lived through, if that counts as an answer. Like it doesn't have every single day and year, but it has all the big events for sure. Barring that, Yixing definitely has a pretty complex backstory. The man gets around lol and I try (and maybe fail?) to make him seem not too complex initially but then things get revealed and you learn more about him and are like “oh my god no wonder this man has Problems.” Also if he was like. “normal” and perhaps “well-adjusted” the story would not exist at all because he is the way he is and makes some of the stupid decisions he does because of his weird little life.

Old Blood: ONCE AGAIN, this is unfair because the Sovereign is like older than god. And Vera is 37. But like. I haven't fleshed him or any of the old ass vampires out nearly as much as Vera so there's your answer I guess? And I guess the important things are known from the start (that she was a prodigy, that she retired because terrible shit happened and she couldn't handle it, that she suffers from significant ptsd because of it, etc), but there is a lot of detail that doesn't come out until much later when she has to confront her Feelings (ewww feelings). Uh... the backstory affects the narrative because it wouldn't exist at all if Vera wasn't plagued by her fucked up blood nightmares lol

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6. Which two characters have the most complicated relationship? How does their relationship develop over time?

White Crane: Ciaran and Anwei totally. They love each other because they're brother and sister and were all the other had for a VERY long time (and even when they were still uh mortal, they relied on each other constantly), but also they hate each other because they're brother and sister. You know how it is with siblings. I love my brother and sister to pieces but I can't imagine being immortal and having to put up with the both of them for all eternity (sorry guys if you are reading this somehow.... I love you but we are all so annoying god bless). They handled their newfound godhood very, very, very differently and it kind of colors their relationship for the rest of time. There were times where they were extremely codependent and other times where they didn't speak to each other for DECADES. At the start of our story, they're on much better terms and have buried all their hatchets, but it doesn't take much for that to change....

Old Blood: Probably Vera and Andhira? They're only brought together because of their shared fucked up blood nightmares, and neither of them like that thought. They both resent the other for everything they are, and Vera is pretty much completely hostile to Andhira about it for a long time (and Andhira is only just barely cordial lol), but obviously a significant part of the plot revolves around them like. falling in love so they DO get over it after a while :)

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7. What is the most heart-wrenching scene in your wip? Why?

White Crane: When Yixing fucking DIES. I feel like this one should be self-explanatory. But I mean if you would like further explanation, it's unpleasant and slow and agonizing and nobody can do anything to stop it (haha....... unless?) so Ciaran gets to hold him for a long time and feel really bad about it lol

Old Blood: idk if there are any really heart-wrenching scenes but there are definitely some miserable and uncomfortable scenes like where Vera relives in vivid detail the days that she witnessed the gruesome deaths of her young apprentice and her last lover. They're upsetting because those are the two days that basically ruined her life (and one was the final straw that sent her spiraling completely out of control) and it's painful to watch her have to live with the guilt of what happened even if it wasn't her fault.

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8. What is a song that you associate with your wip? Explain.

White Crane: not to be basic but absolutely without a doubt in my stupid mind “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” by Tears for Fears lol it's because uh. well. Everybody wants to rule the world right? Basically way back in 2019 when I was crafting the ideas for the dnd campaign that became this thing instead, I was definitely having a metal gear moment (honestly I’m about to have a metal gear moment NOW lol) and was listening to a lot of like. mgs adjacent music and latched onto this song (and also promises, promises by naked eyes lmao) as some like thematic element. Like my brain making amvs. You know how it is. ANYWAY the point is. The concept was originally way different and was supposed to be more about the immediate aftermath of the so-called end of the world (yes Yixing was still there and yes he was still just some guy), and it focused a lot more on power struggles between all of these insane people that were granted godhood in the wake of the dying world. Which........ is something I'd like to write about at some point because it's intriguing in its own way but at the time I was unequipped to write about that when I really just wanted to write about people who are, for all intents and purposes, quite average getting caught up in the batshit drama of higher powers. (fun fact: Ciaran was supposed to be a tyrant king that ran a death cult and Anwei and Yixing were working together to figure out a way to kill him. Which is. Kind of what my dnd campaign is like now lol BASICALLY he's like if Big Boss was unkillable and could also rip souls out of people's bodies and eat them. I absolutely do not remember what this question originally was. Something about a song?)

Old Blood: THIS is the reason it took me so long to answer this whole thing. I thought long and hard and looked through all my playlists and listened to random songs that came to mind but it turns out the song I was looking for was right in front of me the whole time. DUH. It's “Golden Light” by Twin Shadow :) In my humble homo interpretation, I think it's a song about being afraid to fall in love and. Well. That's the whole point. Also #spoilers but the first time Vera sees Andhira and is like “oops I think I have feelings” is when they've just arrived at Andhira's home and the sun is rising and she looks over at her as they stand at the top of a hill and she has her eyes closed to the sun and she's bathed in golden light and OOUGGGGHGHHH poetic cinema. (honorable mention goes to “Groove is in the Heart” by Deee-lite because it’s quintessential early 90s music that Vera would be super into)

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9. What does your protagonist want most? What would they do to achieve this? What is something they wouldn't do to achieve this?

White Crane: Yixing wants to be happy for once. Like actually really happy instead of just. getting by. There's a scene where they're making wishes for the next seasons during the summer solstice and someone asks what he wants and he's like “uh I guess I want to still be alive at the end of the year?” and the other person is like “isn't that what everyone wants? Raise the fucking bar please. What do you REALLY want?” and he's stands there for a really long time and thinks about it before finally saying “I think I just want to be happy for once” and everyone else is like. wow. Way to kill the fucking mood dude. Anyway. He has had fleeting moments of happiness in his life but wants nothing more than to feel that way forever. It's kind of hard to say what he wouldn't do for that because like. there's not really much you CAN do in the first place, so I feel like there's even less you couldn't do. I guess he wouldn't like sell his soul to the devil or something lmao (though by being involved with Ciaran he's pretty much halfway there)

Old Blood: to be left alone. Vera just wants a normal life. She really truly does want to pretend that none of the horrible shit happened to her and that she was never a world-famous hunter. And she wants to teach art classes and live a quiet life!!! I mean, she is already mostly doing that exact thing when we first meet her, but obviously she has some hindrances (aka fucked up blood nightmares). She is begrudgingly helping Andhira because she assumes that will fix her problem and that she'll be able to get to that quiet living as soon as all is said and done. The only thing she really wouldn't do to get what she wants is like... live somewhere far away from Josef and Luka lol She likes having them close by more than she wants to be left alone.

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10. Within your story's world, were there any events that impacted every character (or most characters)? How would they be different if this event never happened? (Alternatively, erase an important even from on character's backstory and imagine where they'd be now.)

White Crane: well. If the stupid old gods didn't all kill themselves and almost end the world then I guess none of this story would exist lol But the actual answer is like. If Yixing had never run out on his girlfriend of ten years then he wouldn't have moved across the continent to Jengmi and wouldn't have made a name for himself way out there and wouldn't have been scouted and recruited and wouldn't have met Ciaran or Anwei and wouldn't have gotten in the middle of the batshit grudge between a bunch of ancient petty gay people and wouldn't have DIED and wouldn't have made one of the ancient petty gay people in particular lose his grip on his humanity via a lust for power in a desperate attempt to guarantee his safety and wouldn't have been the reason that tens of thousands of people die in his name and wouldn't have accidentally set off a chain of events that resulted in him having to hunt down and kill the Actual God that started it all in a fit of jealous rage. So like. maybe he should have just gone through with the wedding. All things considered, his life would have been way less stressful.

Old Blood: uhhh, that's tough because the stuff that happens only really has any effect on the mortal characters (I mean yeah people still try to kill the Sovereign but they're too dumb to know the ACTUAL way to kill him.... haha unless??), so it would be more like a what if Vera didn't witness the violent deaths of both her apprentice and her lover and have a full blown nervous breakdown and abandon her career? Well...... I think most things in the plot would transpire more or less the same, except she would be WAY less pissed off about it. In fact, she would probably be hyped as hell to get the chance to make the acquaintance of the Sovereign's family like Josef had before her. The thought of Vera being upbeat and not a sleep-deprived asshole that hates being dragged back to her old life..... ew. Not that I enjoy her suffering but you know what I mean. It just wouldn't be the same.

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11. What is something from your wip that you just really want to ramble about?

Are you sure you're ready for this. This is going to be so so so so long I'm sorry in advance. It's Saturday night and I'm alone and kind of sad so I'm just going to let loose.

As I hone down plot elements for next two installments in my little trilogy, I have kind of become obsessed with the passage of time and how different it must feel to someone that, well, lives forever. One of the ways I'd written (that has since been kind of changed) for Yixing to start to figure out what Ciaran really is was that he would casually be looking through his bookshelf and find an old photograph of Ciaran, Anwei, and their mom standing backstage together after one of his performances. And when he eventually asks Ciaran about it, he gets upset because how dare you touch the one thing I have left to remember my mother? To remember what my life used to be like? There are so many names and faces and places and foods and sensations that I've forgotten in the 940 years I've lived like this and I would give anything I have to see any of it just one more time because I didn't know that the last time I would ever speak to my mom we would have an argument on the phone about how I need to go to the temple and pray for good fortune on my birthday, or that the last time I would ever see my best friend would be at 6am when we both came into the studio to practice and he asked me to go out to breakfast and I said no because I thought a nap would be more important. And there are so many people that I've watched die whose names I never learned and whose faces I forgot the moment I turned away, and there are so many others that I loved so dearly that I had to leave behind because they grew old and I didn't. And I have lived lifetimes in solitude to keep myself a secret from other people and I have died more than any person should ever have to die and I have witnessed atrocities no one should ever witness and I hate everything about this life so much but I love everything about this life so much and I wouldn’t trade it for anything but I think I would give it all away in an instant if only to remember the scent of my mother's favorite perfume and I think I would give it all away in an instant if it meant I didn't have to watch you turn to dust in my arms.

ANYWAY. I think a lot about the agony of loving things that aren't permanent and how it really DOES drive you mad because lately I have been unbelievably nostalgic for certain things that weren't even that long ago but..... I didn't appreciate them at the time and I feel so guilty about it. (And like. I too would give up my entire life to be able to remember the scent of my grandmother's favorite perfume.) And all my pent-up sadness is for things that only happened in my childhood. I have pictures and videos and other people to share those memories with, but what does it feel like to be one of very few people that watched the entire world fall apart and rebuild itself and have nothing to hold onto from that time? What does it feel like to foster dozens of generations of children and outlive every single one of them? What does it feel like to have only fragments of memories of entire lifetimes? How lonely is it? I mean, Ciaran and Anwei have each other and that makes a difference but it still has to be the most isolating feeling. And then there's the pain that comes with memories that have faded or otherwise become hazy. I doubt either of them remember their father's face. They hadn't seen him in years even before it all happened. If it wasn't for that single photo he has, they wouldn't remember their mother's face either. Do they still remember her name? Or her birthday? Do they remember anyone else? Cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, coworkers? If they do, do they even want to talk about it? One thing I worry about in my own life (and this is how I know I have Problems) is that I'm so afraid that talking about memories will alter them somehow. There are so many things that I don't even like to share because once the words are spoken the little vhs tape that has all my memories has been recorded over, even if it's just by a single frame. Something about it has been changed forever each time I talk about it. Do they feel the same way and keep things to themselves instead of sharing the sadness? I think maybe they used to talk about the “old days” or whatever much more often back in the past, but as the years went by.... they just learned to keep it to themselves.

I think maybe I have a lot of anxiety about the passage of time and of being forgotten!

Anyway again. The passage of time drives me insane. And I think it would make me even more insane if I had been chosen to carry the mantle of a dead god and would live forever. My dog died a year ago and I still cry like every single day thinking about her. If I was doomed to live forever I don't know how the sadness wouldn't swallow me whole! No wonder all the people in this book are fucking CRAZY!!

And don't even get me started on the Sovereign lol he's like “oh boo-hoo you've lived for not even a thousand years? Bitch they hadn't invented fucking GLASS yet when I was born. The horse wasn't domesticated yet. Cry harder!!”

[foxthefanboi]

Thoughts on the Finale

So on the off-chance that my followers care about what I thought of the finale, I wrote a 1,700-word meta. I know, probably overkill, but here it is. In summary: I know the finale was really unpopular with many people. Dean dying early, not addressing Cas’s confession, no reunion with their found family, etc. But I loved it. I was happy and satisfied with the ending. It’s not easy wrapping up a show like this, but it’s just what I needed. Here’s my thoughts on the finale and a defense of some of the things people were upset about: 

The Timing of Dean’s Death

Okay, so I know a lot of people are upset about Dean’s death, that he didn’t get to live a full life like Sam did. It is pretty upsetting. (Mainly, I really wish he’d gotten a chance to be a dad.) And I see how it conflicts with the theme of the season, which is free will and defying the fate of dying a violent death while hunting that they expected.

On the other hand, I think Dean was satisfied with his life when he died. It was the death he was always expecting and had accepted. He did a lot of good in his life and really he just wanted peace at that point, you know? Sure, he could’ve lived a longer life but I don’t think he felt like he was missing out when he died. Personally, I doubt he would’ve given up hunting, so his life would’ve been more of the same until he died, still probably from hunting. A full life would’ve been great, but Heaven was great for him too.

[Edit: Just read a post where they mentioned Dean was tired which was a point that was made again and again in the show and I think that’s part of why how he went out is okay! He loved hunting, he loved hunting with his brother, but it’s not sustainable and it wore him out and his peace is Heaven rather than an apple pie life, and that’s okay.]

The Manner of Dean’s Death

I sort of wish Dean’s death had been a little more dramatic. I mean, he did just defeat God and everything. And then he gets taken out by a spike in the wall? But I was okay with the hunt-gone-wrong thing. It seemed like sort of a lame death, but remember Asa Fox, the other legendary hunter? He died from tripping and hitting his head on a rock after his friend pushed him, so. It’s not unheard of, even for great hunters. And Dean would’ve died after being electrocuted in a pool of water in season 1 if a reaper hadn’t saved him. Unlucky deaths… Yeah, they happen.

But I do think it would’ve been good to have a more death-y death because Dean standing against a post didn’t give the immediacy of dying that some of the other deaths. He did have a couple of pained gasps and all that, but there wasn’t really blood showing or the obviousness of being so close to death, not the way that his Metatron death scene gave, for example.

Still though, I really did love the death scene. Like, I hated it, because it was heartbreaking and it made me cry, but it was just really emotional in the best way. Everything Dean said to Sam about looking up to him, and how he felt when he went to see Sam at Stanford, and then “I love you so much. My baby brother.” And then the forehead touch.

Honestly I sort of get the feeling they killed Dean off early just so that they could give us one last, weighty goodbye scene to be emotional about. Remember how much it hurt when Dean said goodbye before going to hell in season three? Or when Sam said goodbye in season 5 before saying yes to Lucifer? Or in season 11 when Dean went to stop Amara? That was all really good stuff. This was one last sendoff they couldn’t have given us if Dean had just lived his normal life.

Sam’s Life

I’m at least glad Sam got to live his life. That’s been his dream over and over since when he was a kid, when he went to college, when he took a year off with Amelia… And he finally got to have it. I’m not set on this opinion but, because of their codependency, I don’t think either Dean or Sam could’ve had something like that with each other in their lives, so Dean’s death ultimately sort of allowed Sam to live. If that makes sense.

What hurt me the most about this whole episode is that Sam had to live decades without his brother. They had thirty-seven years together (give or take a few missing years in the middle), which is a long time, but since Sam died of old age, that’s like half his lifetime without his brother! Decades!!!! I really wonder how Sam’s memory of Dean changed over that time, as he became a more and more distant memory…

zmediaoutlet had a cute post-episode Heaven fic where Dean and Sam are reunited and Sam has all the time he needs to tell Dean about every single part of his life. Even though Dean wasn’t there for it, he could get caught up in Heaven, which was… Just a nice thought. In my opinion.

We needed some closure on Eileen :(

Okay, so I was happy with how the show did Dean and Sam’s deaths. But they did leave us hanging on some pretty important things. Like, where the fuck was Eileen? Last we heard about her, Sam was crying about losing her after she got Thanos-snapped by Chuck. Presumably she came back, but even though she and Sam had been dating, he never checked in on her. And then Sam had a faceless wife. Couldn’t they have given us something more? John Winchester has shown up in flashbacks without being played by JDM or shown clearly and it’s obvious it’s him. They couldn’t have done something similar for Eileen? Like, Sam signing something to her as she watches him play catch in the backyard with Dean Jr.? I’m just gonna assume the faceless wife was Eileen, but some official endorsement would’ve been nice.

We really needed some closure on Cas :(((

Cas confessed his love to Dean in 15x18! Romantic love, according to the writers and actors!! This is a really big deal!!! But we never got to hear Dean’s thoughts. He never talked about it. The crying in the bunker after losing Cas, that really showed his grief, I thought. But we never actually got to see him react beyond that.

I read that, based on Becky’s Funko Pop set-ups, there was foreshadowing that Cas and Dean would at some point be outside the Harvelles’ Roadhouse together, and that this should’ve happened in the finale and probably would’ve if it hadn’t been for casting restrictions due to COVID. So. I’m just gonna go with saying that happened off-camera, and that Dean and Cas were reunited in Heaven. And that’s what fics are for! Maybe Dean’s straight and/or maybe he didn’t reciprocate. But maybe he did and he and Cas are in love and living(?) happily in Heaven together. The show never told us, which is kind of sad, because that would’ve been a nice, official ending. But it’s nice to have it open, too.

Is Heaven as an ending sort of a copout?

I read a post that said that Heaven as an ending is a copout because why even bother living if you’re going to eternal happiness in the end? Which is, you know, a pretty good point. I’ve said before that the Winchesters fight way too hard to bring people back when those people are happy in heaven. Like, remember when they were heartbroken over Rowena’s death? And then it turned out she was “living” her best life as the Queen of Hell and wondering why she’d been so worried about dying in the first place.

Anyway, some type of eternal afterlife has been inevitable since the very beginning of the show, so this has always been a point. It’s not just a finale thing used as a convenient way to wrap it up with a happy ending. It is a logical happy ending. Seriously.

I think there’s a couple things that kept the boys going. One, they had to keep living so they could effectively fight forces not only of Earth, but of Heaven, Hell, etc. as well. They were making the world a better place not just for the people who were living in it, but for the people who had passed and were in Heaven as well. Also they got a lot of closure they couldn’t have gotten if they were dead, e.g. against Azazel, etc. I feel like not getting that would’ve haunted them, even if they were in Heaven.

Second, you can’t really have new experiences in Heaven. Based on what Bobby said about time passing differently, you just sort of hang out in a blissed out state with your loved ones. Presumably there can be changes in relationships, but no one in Heaven is gonna work on a career, or have kids, stuff like that. Sam got that when he lived his life, and I think he needed to have that in a way that Dean didn’t.

The Winchesters changed heaven!

Also, it’s important to note that sure, if Sam and Dean had just decided Heaven was way more worth it than Earth, and they hadn’t brought each other back again and again, they would’ve saved themselves a lot of suffering. But then Heaven would be way different than how it ended. No more corrupt angels running things, no more threat of evil archangels, no more God interested in a story more than the well-being of the souls in his universe. Jack was good because of their efforts, and he’s just the God the universe needed. (And also Heaven was pretty close to shutting down from a lack of angels to power it so that would’ve sucked.) Basically, in summary, their lives and what they did with them is specifically what allowed them to have eternal peace and happiness. So they had good, meaningful lives. They changed things for everyone, everywhere, and now they deserve Heaven.

In summary

They carried on, and there was peace when they were done. What more can we ask for from a finale?

[hamliet]

Hey, I just discovered your HxH metas and they're wonderful. I'd love to hear your thoughts on how Gon and Killua treat favors & why. Gon obsesses over paying people back and not accepting charity; his fight with Knuckle even has him literally burdened with a debt he can't pay back (like his debt to the dead Kite). OTOH, Killua tells Ikalgo "It's nothing special to help your friends; don't say thanks" and saves Gon with his uniquely *debt-free* wishes. Do the thank-yous in c.338 make Killua sad?

Ah, thank you Anony!

So I discussed this with @aspoonofsugar a little (because I love this ask!), and so will incorporate elements of her answer too if that’s okay?

I think the development is slightly different. Meaning, I think Killua also sees favors as an exchange too at first--he was, of course, an assassin for hire, and can’t believe Gon is his friend despite the way they’ve been helping each other. He, like the other Zoldycks, struggles to see relationships and love in ways that do not require payment. Gon, on the other hand, at the start of his arc, shows that he sees friendship and love and loyalty as things to be happily given away. 

However, as they go about their adventures, this starts to change. By the time we’re at the Chimera Ant Arc, Killua has grown as a person in some ways--literally removing the needle, a symbol of Illumi’s manipulative sort of love, from his skull--and hence is able to treat both Ikalgo and Palm without manipulation by the end. In fact, Killua goes on a journey with Palm in terms of the codependent aspects of their relationships with Gon to coming to a place where both of them understand healthy relationships far better. It is only then that Killua remembers Alluka and is able to return, stand up to his father, and take his sister away. But his journey isn’t over yet, especially with Nanika.

Gon, however, is more than happy to see himself as someone giving friendship freely. By the time we get to CAA, though, Gon is the one who is struggling to believe in a relationship and love that isn’t guided by manipulation, that doesn’t have to be earned. In this respect Gon and Killua’s arcs are inversed. See: Ging. Ging manipulates Gon, makes him try to earn the right to meet him, etc. The idea of Kite sacrificing his life for Gon is something Gon can never pay back, but his father has taught him he has to earn everything, even the basic right to be loved by a parent. 

Gon doesn’t want to see himself as the sort who is weak in any way, because he hasn’t ever been able to be weak, but HxH’s whole shtick is that connection is where we find the most joy and where we grow the most as people. If you are ultimately so strong you don’t need to connect, you are actually just going to grow up too fast and your own ‘strength’ will break you. Hence, Gon-san.

You could get into how Killua is able to save Gon because he can see elements of himself in Gon’s behavior (I mean, he was a full assassin by the time he was twelve and presumably far younger) and how Gon did not actually want to be like Killua at the beginning (no I don’t think he *literally* thought this, but I do think there’s an element of this in the unconscious behaviors Gon displays throughout the entire series). But it’s also through each other--as well as others!--that they’re able to get to places where they need to be to grow, and to connect with the people who can help them grow as people right now.

For Killua this is Alluka, who can on the one hand, give him favors he can’t ever repay, and on the other hand, he ironically has earned the right to protect (according to his manipulative parents). For Gon this is Mito, the woman who fought to adopt him when she was only thirteen herself (yes, really), whom he cannot ever pay back and whom he doesn’t need to. 

Because kids should not have to earn their lives from their parents. 

[orionsangel86]

I was the one with the ask. I want to apologize. I didn't wanna come across as rude. I love your blog. It was an honest question, since I haven't seen any spoilers which indicate that Cas and Dean are gonna make up. Also I have only seen spoilers where they said that the conflicts goes on after ep 9. Last thing was that Jensen didn't mention Cas as a reason for Dean being sad. But I saw ppl saying that Dean is gonna be shedding tears over Cas. I'd like to know if there's any reference material.

Okay so the first thing I need to stress here as in all cases is this: PR is not showrunning. I know I know, we say it all the time. You can’t really rely on small soundbites from the actors taken from interviews and put into clickbait articles usually to satisfy a specific writers agenda depending on the article they are writing. 

The second thing to remember: People are going to hype up and sensationalise things on social media to gain attention, likes, notes, etc. You cannot rely on this information either.

What we actually know:

Misha said this: “Cas will return to the bunker and the boys. He’ll be sort of driven back into collaborating with them because we’re still confronting the big bad, which is God. But that tension between Cas and Dean will play out for some time, and we won’t really have a resolution to that. I think the audience, and frankly Cas, will finally understand what it is that’s upsetting Dean so much in episode 9. So we’re a ways off from that arc feeling like it’s resolved.”

This quote is from this article.

Then at DCCon the other weekend, the last question asked by Mel aka @/mishasdiary on Twitter, was basically to know if Dean and Cas patch things up and Jensen answered this:

“I will say this, there is an answer to your question in the show. It will be in episode 9 which we just finished. Let’s just say that Dean has a moment by himself, where he prays to Cas. That is a bit of a confession on why he feels the way he feels and why he treated Cas the way he treated him.”

You can see the answer here at about 58 minutes in (last question).

In your ask you sent me yesterday, you also referred to another article (link here) written with soundbites from Jensen. I believe you were referring to this:

"I think the state of his brother always worries Dean. That's who he fights for," Jensen Ackles told TV Guide. "When that support, that base strength in his life starts to waver and [he] starts to second guess himself, that will certainly affect Dean in a way of, 'I can't let him go down this road' or 'I need to figure out a way to help him out.' So it'll be a struggle, not against each other, but for each other. Sam is struggling to find a purpose and Dean is struggling to help Sam find purpose."

But this is standard talk from Jensen and it is also correct so I don’t see why anyone would read this and feel threatened about Dean’s relationship with Cas? Come on now, we aren’t like Bronly’s threatened by Cas’s mere presence. This is very true what Jensen is saying because the brothers are toxically codependent. But there is a true bond between them which has been poisoned over time. Yes Dean will be worried about Sam because Dean is always worried about Sam, but Sam is not part of the Dean and Cas break up narrative.

Jensen also had this to say which I thought was interesting:

[about Sam hypothetically dying] "That would have to be a bridge crossed when he came to it," Ackles said. "Right now, and for a long time, Sam's been the reason that Dean keeps fighting. If you take that away from him, then what does he have? Is there a will to keep going? I don't know how that would shape up from Dean's perspective. Maybe he finds something to fight for or maybe he finds somebody to fight with. Maybe he calls it quits."

So this is Jensen contemplating what life would be like for Dean without Sam, and he’s hardly saying “well if Sam died Dean would also want to die” because Jensen most likely knows that isn’t the case anymore. Bobo has been picking apart that particular arc ever since he wrote Red Meat. 

So anyway, brushing off Jensen’s interview aside as nothing even remotely alarming or concerning for DeanCas fans (because we do NOT see Sam as a threat to our ship), lets talk about the prayer. We got Jensen’s spoiler first, and given this was fresh in Jensen’s mind, only shortly after he filmed it, I reckon we can safely assume that what he has told us is at least somewhat accurate (though we cannot of course account for how this may be cut in the editing room).

Episode 9 is Bobo’s episode. Bobo is basically holding the mantle for the DeanCas emotional arc this season (and last season) so I fully expect this to be the next big turning point in Dean and Cas’s relationship. Jensen has confirmed that when Dean is alone, he prays to Cas.

This is already setting a super intimate scene. Dean rarely prays as it is. We haven’t seen him pray to Cas since season 9. The fact that he is alone and not with Sam also confirms the level of intimacy. We can assume that Dean sought privacy for this prayer.

Now, Jensen goes on to say that Dean will explain how he feels and why he treated Cas how he did. This is already sounding like a proper explanation and potentially an apology. We will learn the mystery of why Dean (in Misha’s words) has been acting like such a prick. I never had any doubt that they would eventually explain it. I trust Bobo has planned this all out and knows what he is doing. He likes exploring Dean’s emotional responses - anger comes from fear and worry. Dean is terrified. That is usually why he acts out. Bobo has previously confirmed this and it was even stated in the show itself in Bobo’s episode 14x09 via Kaia. I think that Dean’s treatment of Cas is based on fear. This is why we are so excited (when I say “we” here, I mean me and the general group of wonderful people I scream with daily about this dumb show aka a bunch of meta writers or at least meta literate people). So Jensen has confirmed that we will get a proper explanation of WHY he treated Cas and also HIS FEELINGS on the matter. 

The MOST interesting part of Jensen’s spoiler, is that he called the whole thing a CONFESSION. Dude. The last time Dean confessed to anything was in a church and it almost gave me a heart attack. Since that scene was the closest this show has ever come so far to Dean actually coming out of the fucking closet.

So not only is this an intimate prayer to Cas, an explanation of his bad treatment of Cas and an admittance of his feelings over the whole thing, its also a confession. 

Interesting choice of words Jensen. Confession to what exactly? Because this is starting to feel suspiciously like a very profound moment between our two boys. It’s clearly an important scene. 

Then Misha on top of this, has confirmed that Cas hears the prayer. Which yay for starters, and also think about how he explained the situation:

“But that tension between Cas and Dean will play out for some time, and we won’t really have a resolution to that. I think the audience, and frankly Cas, will finally understand what it is that’s upsetting Dean so much in episode 9. So we’re a ways off from that arc feeling like it’s resolved.”

You have to read this entire paragraph as one: 

The tension will play out for sometime but Cas and the audience will understand what the deal is in episode 9. So we are a way off from that arcs resolution.

When Misha was talking about the resolution being way off, he was talking about the time between now and episode 9. He confirms that it is at least somewhat resolved in episode 9. That’s what I interpret as being implied here anyway. 

This plus Jensen’s entire answer was to the question “when will Dean and Cas patch things up?” Jensen answered “episode 9″.

Like??? How are people misunderstanding this and blowing it so far out of proportion? Bitter people are so desperate to cling to their negativity that they are totally misinterpreting the information they are being given. It’s extremely frustrating.

Anyway, the one other gripe you had was about Dean’s prayer being about Sam or because he is worried about Sam. Okay except that has come out of absolutely nowhere other than bitters who are actually threatened by Sam which I find utterly ridiculous. So what if the prayer is triggered by Sam? Maybe Sam is in a perilous situation and Dean doesn’t know what to do so he prays. I mean, is that really so bad? Dean usually IS motivated by Sam, so it’s not exactly a huge deal. The main thing to focus on here is that the prayer will be about Dean and Cas and THEIR issues. It will resolve THAT ARC. The arc that doesn’t involve Sam. 

Honestly, I don’t think that Dean’s prayer will be triggered by Sam though. Because Sam has never been part of this particular arc that Bobo has been writing. I mean maybe its possible that the whole thing could be triggered by Sam yelling at Dean to sort out his shit with Cas because they are stronger together and Sam is fed up of being stuck in the middle in which case GREAT because I would LOVE to see more exasperated Sam telling his brother to talk to his estranged husband. 12x10 is one of my all time favourite episodes BECAUSE OF SAM.

But again, I don’t think that an intimate private prayer confession from Dean to Cas will have anything to do with Sam because quite frankly, I can’t see how to fit him in a way that makes sense outside of my own 12x10 repeat above. 

So please, stop panicking over things we don’t know. Stop making negative assumptions. Focus on the good stuff and enjoy what the show is giving us right now. I’m still riding the DeanCas break up scene high because that shit was romantic AF and no one can tell me otherwise. I’m still amazed that in this shows final season Dean and Cas’s emotional arc is getting pushed into the A plot. In all the years of watching this show this has only ever been the case once before and that was in 13x01-13x06. This is a huge deal. Enjoy it and stop letting negative Nancy’s drag you down.

[amwritingmeta]

15x08: Impressions

How do I focus my mind to actually write something coherent? I’m feeling discombobulated. Like completely fucking wrecked by this episode holy FUCK it was amazing, wasn’t it? My Lordy Lord!

Okay. Let’s focus!

The clear highlights were, in no particular order:

Sam being overprotective of Eileen, even tailing her to make sure she was alright, because where would he get that trait from if not his overprotective and overtly controlling big brother who in turn got it from their father and it’s just such glorious exposition of how influenced Sam has been by Dean’s behaviour and how he has to break away from it. But he also communicates that if she’d just let him in on where she was going by leaving a note, he wouldn’t have had to tail her. I love how the overprotectiveness is still called out by Eileen, and then that they agree she’ll come ask him for help if she needs it, which she does at the end of the episode, demonstrating Sam’s trust in her and his right to trust in her. *mind blown*

Dean finding the answer to the riddle that is how to fight God and being so extremely proud of it. And don’t even get me started on Dean being a supportive big brother, in not so many words telling Sam that he’s ready for them to let go of the codependency, Sam just needs to embrace the fact that he’s ready too, and that he has a formidable life partner in Eileen. Dean stating that he’s happy for his brother... *i’m cry* 

Cas healing Dean. *staaaawwppppp iitttttt* That small gesture saying: I’m not so mad at you that I can stand to see you hurt and bleeding. I’m not so distant from you that I’ll ever let you suffer unnecessarily on my watch. Because I fucking love you, you dumbass. But also, is this the first time Cas hasn’t actually touched Dean to heal him? It’s the first time in a long time anyway, that’s for sure. Like, damn. Cas is just not having it this time around. Grow up, Dean, and take responsibility for how unfair you’ve been on this man.

Rowena Queen of Hell. I mean. There was no real doubt, was there, just a question of how she’d be presented and here she comes, in all her glory, and we couldn’t be more ecstatic if we tried, yes? I’m still bouncing at the mere thought. YES. A balanced Hell with a queen on the throne that can actually rule with cleverness and gusto, remembering all the lessons she learned as a human and implementing them to create a fair regime. The souls going to hell should deserve to be there. Crime and punishment should be a reality because not all souls deserves to go to fucking Heaven. *especially not all human souls* *ugh* Gorgeous stuff! And her calling Dean and Cas out on their miscommunication and telling them to fix it or they’ll live to regret it? *rainbows*

TFW working as a real team. Like, really real. Finishing each other sentences real. My gosh they were in sync this episode, even with Dean and Cas so out of sync privately, professionally they just work. *w o w i e*

Michael (MIIIIICHAAAAEL) and Adam was stuff of brilliance all around. It’s good to see Jake Abel’s face again (he was so awesome) and what a time in this narrative to bring back not one, but two brothers. I love Michael’s awakening. I would love for him to rule Heaven, but rule it right, with a clear head and open eyes, because surely he’s learned a lot about humanity by possessing Adam for ten years, even if perhaps the lessons are only now starting to sink in. MY GOD ARCHANGEL IT WOULD BE BEAUTIFUL!! I love him. I LOOOOOOVE him! And omg he annihilated Lilith like it was nothing!

And I love that a toxic father figure/masculinity/shadow representative is our big bad and we have all of these sons and brothers teaming up to defeat him. Yes, face him, conquer him and lock him away. *please please please please* 

And Adam just wanting an apology. Yeah, Dean. And it’s not that Dean can’t say he’s sorry, it’s just that when he feels he’s in the right, he’ll never even think to apologise. Yeah? That stubbornness has gotten him into emotional scrapes his whole life. Refusing to look at a situation from another angle because he’s so convinced that his angle is the only right one. It’s what brought Cas to swallow those souls. If Dean had listened, instead of instructed, the story would’ve taken another turn. But Dean didn’t, and Cas died, and Dean grieved for almost a year, and then... then they went to purgatory.

And now they’re in that same type of argument, locking heads over which angle is right, and Cas expecting Dean to catch up already, and Dean not getting it through his thick head that he has anything to catch up with. But in purgatory... 

Purgatory.

We’re getting them going back together to purgatory.

I don’t think I quite believe it. And there are a thousand scenarios that are riddled with the hopeful possibility of real exposition, but one thing that we do know is that either what they go through leads to Dean finally opening up to himself about what he’s feeling and it leading to him praying to Cas to apologise for his behaviour, or we get Dean actually praying to Cas in purgatory.

Dean praying. To Cas. In purgatory.

One of the most formidable fanfic gaps of the entire show might actually be on the screen for us to witness. The mind reels. It would be... everything. But no matter what we get, we will have them back in a place that laid the foundation for S8 and onward. Purgatory was a huge turning point. And when Dean was there, it felt pure. Because there was no fear of losing Sam. The linchpin for so many of Dean’s hangups was gone. Not his love for Sam, but his fear of losing him, of failing. Sam as purpose had been taken away from him and instead Dean had one single-minded purpose of his own: to find his angel, and bring him home.

I mean.

Mind. Fucking. Reeling.

And the cliffhanger with Sam and Eileen and bloody Chuck?? Ummmmm halp!

I’ll dig deeper tomorrow because these impressions are just the tip of this iceberg of a midseason finale. There’s how I love the plot of this episode, how they realise Chuck has a chink in his armour, how they decide to go get Michael, Cas praying and them capturing him etc et al! I get emotional just thinking about it all, it was so so so good. *so very happy*

[qcpmedia]

“Birds of Prey”: A Crisis of Infinite Harleys

by Chris Clay

Ok-- let's get this part out of the way first: I love Harley Quinn.

Have done since her debut on Batman The Animated Series. My mother let my dad take me to see Tim Burton’s brilliant 1989 Batman film (I was 5 at the time) because she was under the assumption that Batman was always the high camp she remembered enjoying in the television show from her childhood. Thanks, Adam West! My journey into comics began shortly after learning to read with classical mythology, so I was totally prepared for all manner of tales about monsters, demons, serial killers, human traffickers, etc. Quickly becoming an avid comic reader, 10 year-old me was a DC & Marvel veteran who spent a lot of mental energy filling in the blanks on the softened-for-cartoons versions of Bats, Spidey & the X-Men. 

After years of seeing "versions" of my favorite supers onscreen, I thought this new character, originally the Joker's jester henchwoman, was a breath of fresh air. She seemed like the perfect fit for both the show and the Joker, the first real Manic Pixie Dreamgirl. She was funny but also scary, vulnerable and just overall awesome. Best of all? She didn’t seem nerfed for kids tv. She just seemed oddly... real. And she was contagious. That complex reality bled onto anyone she shared enough screen time with. She helped me to see Poison Ivy as the troubled yet brilliant and sensitive person the show had always hinted she was. Besides Catwoman, no other character tested Batman's rigid sense of right and wrong more beautifully. Even Joker seemed multifaceted when Harley was around. I cheered as loudly as anyone when she ditched that clown, and those Harley/Ivy episodes were some of the best the series had to offer.

OG Harley & subsequent versions over the years tended to show a woman that was preyed upon by a master manipulator who pushed her to the edge of sanity. To the edge, not over it. She was definitely traumatized, but the original portrayals never presented any extreme mental problems. Sure, she was codependent & had a temper. And shitty taste in men. Those traits in moderation are not craaaazy. That's just being human.

Harley continued to evolve over the years, shaped by many creators and performers across multiple mediums. Her look has changed, her status as villain or antihero has vacillated and her relationships have been presented more and more as on her terms rather than something foisted upon her by chance.

The characterization problems started in comics, but David Ayers' disappointing 2016 Suicide Squad film brought this lesser Harl to the masses, along with a version of her *ahem* more revealing New52 costume, seemingly metahuman durability & chalk white skin. I always loved the idea that Harleen had the ability to take her jester clothing & clown makeup off, sit around with an equally dressed-down Ivy and talk about who they really were, what made them tick. This new Harley (like her modern comics counterpart) was always "on", displaying very little of the soulful, mature character many of us comics & animation fans know and love. Despite that, she was definitely the highlight of the film, and there were flashes of brilliance that made me believe Margot Robbie could get to the fundamental truths of the character if given another chance. 

And that brings us rather neatly to Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn).

Harley Quinn, last seen in the aforementioned Suicide Squad, has just been dumped by the Joker & is forced to make her own way in Gotham City’s underworld. In short order, she meets Dinah Lance, Renee Montoya, Helena Bertinelli & Cassandra Cain. All of these ladies have, for various reasons, fallen onto the radar of neat-freak gangster Roman Sionis, played with scenery-scarfing delight by Ewan MacGregor. Forced to band together to survive, they eventually learn that despite their considerable individual talents, they're more formidable as a team.

For some reason I still can’t quite articulate, I remember being slightly underwhelmed when the cast was announced. I liked all of the actors... hell, each of them has had at least one role I absolutely loved them in-- but I still felt they were odd choices for their respective roles in this movie (more on that later). The trailer was where I got genuinely worried that Warner might be climbing back into the hole so many creators toiled to pull the DC film properties out of. 

However, as I said in the beginning, I love Harley Quinn. I was definitely going to see this movie. In Margot Robbie, I felt Harley had a champion on par with Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool or Hugh Jackman as Wolverine; an actor who would work tirelessly to get their character right, on the page & onscreen, however many tries it took. Plus she was saying some interesting things about what she thought the the film & the character should represent during the rollout (and I know the movie isn't the trailer), so I was at "cautious optimism" by the time I sat down to watch the film.

I was totally wrong about one thing: the cast is the best thing about the movie, and that’s not some backhanded compliment. K.K. Barrett's production design is great, colorful while not feeling cheap or phony, and Cathy Yan has a great eye for fun directing choices that keep things zipping along... but the cast is the real MVP. They’re actually great.

Jurnee Smollet-Bell is understated & surprisingly physical as tough-as-nails chanteuse Dinah Lance, a classic “woman trying to keep her head down in a bum situation”. She gave modern comic book moll vibes & I Stan. Rosie Perez's Renee Montoya brought a dose of realism to the candy-coated insanity swirling all around her while also giving Harley an entertaining foil for the first 2 acts. She has probably my favorite fight scene in the entire movie.

Mary Elizabeth Winstead, the person I went into the movie thinking was the most grossly miscast, is hands down my favorite character in the film. She's equal parts ruthless & socially awkward, a take on Huntress that is somehow both anachronistic & perfectly in step with her comic counterpart. Even newcomer Ella Jay Basco brings a unique charm to what could have easily been an irksome reimagining of fan favorite Cass Cain as a sassy teenage pickpocket. MacGregor’s turn as Sionis is less a character than he is a symbol, acting as a stand-in for various brands of broken maleness, but the guy’s clearly having a blast and he has decent enough chemistry with the leads. Chris Messina as Victor Vsasz is an absolute snoozefest, a waste of both character and actor that I’ll give no more space or attention.

Now for the elephant in the room: Margot Robbie's Harley is my least favorite thing about the whole movie.

"But Chris..", I hear you yelling at your computational device, "...you said she was the lone bright spot of SS!"

True, but in a film with clever, unmuddied direction & other actors that actually display some semblance of emotion or charisma for more than one scene a piece, the bar has been raised this go round & Robbie's frantic mugging limbos under said bar by a mile. What’s worse is that she actively takes screen time that could be better spent fleshing out one of the other four characters. Only Huntress (who has probably the least screen time of any of the leads) actually has a backstory, but her origin is a large part of the plot. One could be forgiven for thinking the she wouldn’t have had one at all otherwise. We don’t really know anything about Cassandra Cain, Montoya is literally just Stock Cop, and you could make a whole movie out of how the hell Dinah ended up singing at Sionis’ club. And where the hell is the Joker?! Why is he letting Harley destabilize Gotham’s balance of power or letting Sionis threaten his ex-puddin’ while also claiming to be the the underworld’s top dog? Instead of answering these questions, we get a bunch of throwaway characters attacking the newly-emancipated Quinn and Suicide Squad flashbacks that look even uglier than before when placed side by side with the production design of this film. The fact that most of these characters are so thinly characterized yet still connect is a testament to the performances and chemistry of the central cast.

You get the feeling that a lot of this movie was Robbie as producer, exerting her ideas & energy onto a massive production that needed a lot of moving parts to line up in order to work. It's not easy to have everything riding on you, whether it’s the future of the DCEU, progressive representation of women in film or just your own movie stardom. I understand that and I sympathize. This frantic, flailing movie is the product of some 3 years of rewrites and pitching, shooting on and off for 9 months, plus all the promo stuff. Every interview that I've seen the cast do has basically been Robbie explaining things ad nauseam while Jurnee Smollet-Bell or Mary Elizabeth Winstead kind of quietly nod in agreement, with the exception of the recent season premiere of Hot Ones, where capsaicin finally allowed someone else get a word in edgewise. The real problem with that comes when you see the movie and realize she’s contextualizing so much of the film on other media outlets because the film itself doesn’t really seem to have the time or interest, leaving it’s star to try and explain what we actually see onscreen on the press tour. This leads to a situation akin to Final Fantasy XV, where the player needed heaps of supplemental content to understand what could and should have been included in the story proper. She just seems overworked, similar to when Ben Affleck wanted to perform the Herculean task of writing, directing & starring in the next solo Batman film. Maybe Margot & Harley both need a little break?

The internet is scrambling to diagnose why a well-reviewed movie starring a beloved character played by a popular actress is underperforming at the box office, citing everything from the trailer to the rating to the movie’s title, with many (including BoP creator Gerry Conway) blaming the lackluster box office on sexism, but I think there might be a simpler answer: this version is trying to pull from the entire history of Harley to create a singular characterization from sometimes disparate portrayals. It doesn’t help that Robbie’s Quinn exists in a universe that’s constantly shifting under her feet after every film.

Most comic characters are criticized for being inaccurate to the source material but Harley has arguably the opposite problem; almost a Crisis of Infinite Harleys, where Robbie and Warner Bros. want to stuff the best elements from every version of Harley into every movie she’s in. It’s supposed to be fan service but instead, often feels scattered and tiring. Not to mention the stuff these films just pluck straight out of thin air that don’t work...

The DC Universe version of the character chose to leave the Joker on her own terms and I thought that was a brilliant and socially relevant writing choice, so it was strange to then see the more mainstream (and arguably more popular) version of Harley be dragged out of Joker’s hideout, kicking and screaming. In a film who’s title was purposely made ridiculously long to accentuate the character’s supposed newfound self-sufficiency, For all of the things that do work well, Birds of Prey just doesn’t feel like what’s explicitly promised on the tin.

I still love Harley Quinn, and I still think Margot Robbie’s the right person for the job. No need to Pattinson her or anything... just put less on her plate and give the character and the movies she’s in a clear, singular direction. Pretty please, puddin’?

[shirtlesssammy]

2x01: In My Time of Dying

Then:

Sam and Dean Winchester: Monster hunters

Now:

We pick up right where we left off last season, only this time Netflix got the rights to the proper music. Bad Moon Rising, indeed. Sam, Dean, and John are all unconscious or dead in the now destroyed Impala. The possessed trucker jumps out to double check. Sam’s actually awake (aw, baby Sam Fucking Winchester emerges!) and threatens the demon with the Colt. The demon smokes out leaving Sam to call for his family while the horrified trucker looks on. 

Cut to Rescue 911. The Family Winchester is airlifted to a hospital. Dean wakes in the quietest hospital ever. He starts wandering around trying to find somebody only to find the world’s rudest reception station. It dawns on him that the woman can’t see him. He races back to his room, only to find himself with tubes everywhere and monitors beeping. Oh dear.

Sam rushes in and Dean starts talking to him, but just like the receptionist, Sam can’t see or hear Dean. A doctor comes to tell Sam that John is awake. Sam wants to know about Dean though. He tells Sam they won’t know the full extent of Dean’s injuries until he wakes up --if he wakes up. Dr. Doom and Gloom doesn’t know Dean’s love/hate relationship with death. If he’s alive, he often wants to be dead and if he’s dead nothing is stopping him from coming back alive. 

Sam visits John and discusses Dean’s status. He’s as determined as Dean to save him. (Go, codependency, go!). John says that they’ll look into alternative medicines and then he asks for the Colt. 

That doesn’t sit so well with Sam. But he tells him it’s in the truck of the Impala and Bobby’s on his way to tow it back to Sioux City. John tells Sam to get the Colt and to pick up some things for protection (Oh, how young Sam had NO CLUE what the ingredients were for.) Sam asks if John knows anything about what the demon meant when he said he had plans for him and children like him. John doesn’t know. 

Dean was watching the whole exchange through, and he ain’t buying it.

For Skeptical Son Science:

Sam and Bobby meet by the Impala and Bobby, needlessly cruel, admits, “This just ain’t worth a tow.” DEAN’S SOUL IS ALWAYS WORTH REPAIRING! (Natasha: Preach!)

Sam then gives Bobby the list of ingredients and tells Bobby they’re for protection from the demon. Bobby ain’t buying it. 

John visits Dean. Ghost Dean starts pleading with John to help. He hasn’t called anyone, hadn’t done a thing but sit there. “I’ve done everything you have ever asked me. Everything. I’ve given everything I’ve ever had. And you’re just gonna sit there and you’re gonna watch me die?” 

He hears a noise outside the room and checks it out. A flash of something rushes by and Dean heads to investigate. 

He finds a woman choking on the floor. No one responds to her weak calls for help, and no one can hear him yell. (What kind of hospital is this, just letting a lady die on the floor like that?) 

Sam comes back and Dean keeps trying to talk to him, with no luck. John notices Sam’s mood. Sam tells John he knows what those ingredients are for --summoning a demon. John’s got a plan (Good lord, Sam is his father’s son.) Sam is GOING OFF on his dad, and I mean, in retrospect, oops (but you kind of deserve this for not telling Sam your plan). Dean gets so frustrated watching the exchange he knocks a glass of water off the table. And then lets the audience know that he TOTALLY watches chick-flicks (I know, I know, Swayze always gets a pass). He starts to glitch out and people rush past John’s room. Sam follows them to Dean’s room where he’s flatlined and they’re trying to bring him back. 

Dean sees a reaper hovering over his body and tries grabbing it but is pushed away. It then rushes from the room and Dean gets a pulse again. Whew. He tells Sam that he’s going to get it before it gets him. 

Wandering through the hospital, he finds a woman yelling at others. “Can’t you see me?” etc. Her name is Tessa and she wants to know if she is dead. Dean takes her to her room. He tells her that they’re spirits but if they hold on, they don’t have to die. 

Meanwhile, Sam is telling John he felt like he sensed Dean and wonders if it’s possible. John says anything it possible.

Dean and Tessa wander the Hospital of Young Adult Nearly Dead Angst. 

Actually, Tessa is handling this whole almost dead thing really well. HMMM. “It’s out of my control. It’s just fate.” Them's fightin’ words, Tessa. Dean doesn’t take kindly to “fate”. “That’s crap, you always have a choice.” 

Sam’s back in Dean’s room with his handy “Mystical Talking Board”.

Dean feels like he’s at a slumber party, but dives right in to talk with Sam. Remarkably, Dean doesn’t take the opportunity to immediately spell out B-O-O-B-S. He takes control of the pointer to spell the word H-U-N-T.

Through the board, he tells Sam that there’s a reaper after him. Sam knows that if it’s there naturally, they can’t defeat it. “You can’t kill death,” Dean says rather famously. LOL those were the days. 

Sam spins into Winchester denial mode because there’s always another way! He heads in to talk to John but that little chicken has flown the coop. 

Down in the boiler room (never go into the boiler room, kids!) John unloads a bag of supplies. He takes out a piece of chalk and begins to draw sigils on the floor. 

Sam heads back into Dean’s room with John’s journal. Dean thanks Sam for fighting to save him (as opposed to his absent dad). Dean reads over Sam’s shoulder from the section on reapers, mutters “son of a bitch,” and then heads out on his own mission. 

Dean finds Tessa back in her hospital room, but this time it’s empty and sterile. He drops some interesting facts about reapers, like that they can alter perception. A reaper can appear in any form, which is why we see Tessa in the form of Neil Gaiman’s Death. 

Tessa explains her subterfuge as the only way to get Dean to listen to her (instead of stabby stabby knifey knifey). She’s the spectral presence he’s been seeing all over the hospital, gently reaping souls. “Death is nothing to fear,” she tells him. “You’re living on borrowed time.” Once I finish digging the knife out of my own heart because I just sat around remembering the episode Faith, we cut to John.

John has finished his craft project and slices his hand with a blade while chanting. (I pity the custodial staff who’s going to have to come clean this mess up.) His ritual appears to fail when a custodian does show up and orders him to get out of the boiler room. John levels the Colt at the guy. “How stupid do you think I am?”

Well...stupid enough to lone wolf this demon summoning.

Two other demons flank John. Yellow Eyes mocks John, pointing out that he only has one bullet left. John doesn’t care, though. He’s there to make a deal. 

Upstairs, Sam talks to Dean’s body, telling him that he’s hit a dead end in trying to save him. “I’ll keep trying as long as you keep fighting. You can’t leave me alone here with Dad. We’ll kill each other.” Sam begs him to stay. 

Dean begs Tessa for an exception to the reaping rule. They’re still in the middle of fighting Yellow Eyes; he can’t leave his family now. Tessa tells him that the world keeps turning no matter who she reaps. The world will go on without Dean in it. (Stares directly at the camera.)

Dean refuses to leave and Tessa drops her final bomb. Dean can’t get back into his body. He’s really almost very much mostly dead.

She gently explains that angry spirits are created by ordinary souls who try to stay behind and eventually go mad. If Dean stays, he’s gonna join their ranks. 

John offers Yellow Eyes the Colt and its last bullet if he’ll heal Dean. Yellow Eyes scoffs at John’s offer. He doesn’t think much of Dean or Sam. He then asks John if he knows about the other children. YEAH DUDE. But John definitely hasn’t told Sam or Dean about it. John’s all business. He demands to see that Dean is healed before he’ll hand over the gun. Yellow Eyes is intrigued, but he demands one further concession.

For Vulnerable Dean Science:

Tessa tells Dean that it’s time to go, or time to stay. Whatever his choice, it’s decision time now. Dean turns to her, about to say…………..something. And the lights flicker. Black smoke floods in and possesses Tessa. She looks back at Dean with yellow eyes and smacks her hand on his forehead. 

In Dean’s hospital room, he wakes up and gags on his life support tubes. YIKES. 

Cut to later: the doctor reviews Dean’s miraculous recovery. “You’ve got some kind of angel watching over you.” (Listen, I know this is supposed to be ironic because har har a demon saved him, but…. DUDE Dean you’ve really got some kind of angel watching over you. Wink wink.) 

Dean doesn’t remember a damn thing about when he was near death. He just has a bad feeling about…something.

John checks in with Dean, glad to see that he’s recovered. Sam grills him about taking off but John begs for them to not fight. It’s a mark of how little gentleness they see from their father that John begging quietly for peace makes Sam ask if he’s okay. (#JustSayin) 

John sends Sam on an errand to get a cup of coffee. Once Sam’s gone, he tells Dean about something that Dean did when he was young. 

When John returned from hunts, messed up and scarred, Dean would comfort him and tell him it was all okay. (I need a minute to cry right in your FACE.) John apologizes to Dean for putting so much responsibility on him at such a young age. Dean is being SEEN. John tells Dean that he’s proud of him. Dean double checks that it’s his father. I’ve drenched my pillow. 

John gives Dean one last mission: to watch out for Sammy. He leans forward and whispers into Dean’s ear and when he pulls away, Dean looks horrified.

John leaves Dean’s room and walks up to Yellow Eyes. He sets down the gun. Says, “Okay.” 

Sam, walking back with a cup of coffee and finds his dad lying dead on the floor.

______________________________

Quotes: The High Cost of Living:

Screw you, doc, I’m waking up.

Dude, I full on Swayzed that mother.

You’re much prettier than the last reaper I met.

______________________________

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[hadnothing]

kiun is a lot more complicated than he gets credit for welcome to my ted talk -

ok so hear me out. this shinki. is fucking insane. just, what the fuck is happening? let’s break this down. oh boy. 

he’s a fucKING LIGHTNING DRAGON. so, he’s one of exactly two shinki we’ve seen with extremely ‘abnormal’ manifestations. this implies that he’s, honestly, probably led an incredibly traumatic and weird life given the track record we can see of how other shinki have forms that are very symbolic of their past occupations, their personalities, etc. sadly we’ve not seen that in canon yet. so i have a lot of hc about it but i also want to see if he gets revealed in the next few chapters or anything first, so i won’t post anything for a little just to find out, you know how it is. if i get impatient i’ll just spill eventually so it’s fine.

but genuinely, kiun is fascinating. he’s incredibly old, to start with. it’s dropped in the manga that takemikazuchi’s forced reincarnation was directly before the reign of the  first Japanese emperor, jimmu (660 bce). kiun was employed on the day of said reincarnation. so this implies that his death was very, very long ago. and he really lacks the generally uppity-ness one would expect from a noble, so he was also likely a peasant.

i’m not even going to touch on the fact that he’s got blonde hair in this and seemingly always did post-death. well. maybe a little. i don’t think it’s natural. i’m thinking he may have straight up died by lightning strike, but i’m not sure. i have some logic to work out on that later. i realize that most likely it’s just a style choice of the creator and doesn’t really matter, but i like everything to have a reason bc i’m a dickhead.

but yeah, so he’s a fucking lightning dragon. what’s with that? oh, and he can change his size seemingly at will. and he bleeds, which implies that he does have something of a physical form underneath the lightning, at least circumstantially. which is...you know, interesting, but not particularly weirder than any of the other things we’ve seen happen with shinki. but, anyway, my whole point here is that he does then have a physical form underneath the lightning which he can display if he likes. my guess is that there’s just seldom a reason to, so he doesn’t. this isn’t a major thing, but i think it’s really interesting and opens up new avenues of communication and interaction.

the main thing i really want to talk about though, is his personality. because we see him mostly as just a sort of airheaded guy. very sleepy, a bit formal, quite lonely and generally not in some regards what we would expect a guidepost to be. 

this is fascinating, especially since takemikazuchi on meeting him pre-incarnation and after taking him into his employ notes that kiun is a reflection of himself more than anyone or anything else has ever been - this god, who is known for being reckless, angry, vengeful, uncontrollable, wild - and asks him to promise to stay by him. so what does that say about kiun deep down as well?

of course, the fact that he reincarnated that night after being murdered by his elder shinki for being too uncontrollable complicates things, but keep in mind: kiun keeps this promise. he never stopped keeping it. and it’s interesting, because i think that the reason that take claims him as an echo of himself is that deep loneliness. their personalities are too vastly different (even though i do think that kiun has some anger issues that he’s supressed an incredible amount during his service in order to perform well). they are both these really undefinable beings; they’re sort of the shape of something recognizable, but not really, and they’re massive as concepts. you can’t contain lightning. you can’t shape it. it simply is, and when it strikes, it’s fast and decisive. they both make their decisions this way.

so it’s absolutely fascinating to me that kiun keeps this promise, especially in agony. i don’t think he stood idly by during the execution either - in fact i’m quite sure he probably begged to be used against the elders and was denied. because realistically, the only way that execution could have ever commenced is by take’s consent, because if he had called for any of his other shinki (not the elders, if they were drawing lines to deny him), they couldn’t have not answered his call. he let them take his life. yeah, he fought, and there were collateral deaths, but i think that's genuinely just pride. because at the end of the day i don't believe there wasn't a way for him to call for aid if he truly wanted it.

which makes it so much more incredibly cruel that his powers were bound upon reincarnation, and he was only given kiun to express himself. and as his guide. this newly dead shinki, who (as far as we know) had never served before and had no idea what he was doing, and didn’t truly know his master yet. and now his master doesn’t know him, because he no longer remembers kiun’s naming, but he still belongs to him. his vessel has already been declared.

and kiun has had to, more or less, just...do what he’s told from two directions for all of this time. he had to learn to be a guidepost, and yet his true loyalty is to take, not the elders, so he has to learn how to appease them without prompting another execution, and serve without being a traitor to his master’s wishes. (not surprised he’s always tired.) and it’s so sad, i think, because the really strong implication is that the elders left kiun to raise the new take, and at the end of the day that had to be the most frustrating thing in the world for them both. he couldn’t tell him who either of them used to be, or really what he was supposed to do. all he could do was stay by his side. and care.

which is, i think, a heavy part of why take is so bitter and sometimes cruel to his shinki. he doesn’t understand himself, he is full of resentment, his closest companion and really the only person he cares for he isn’t sure that he can trust. and kiun is really faded. i think this is a huge part of why his most defining feature is being an exhausted ditz. he’s so distracted by always fretting after take that it makes his functionality in literally anything else essentially shit, because he wants more than anything to keep his master well. he drowns his own desires and personality in the interest of service. and it’s really fucking sad, because takemikazuchi is almost generous in that he allows his shinki to have relationships, and be free, to mingle. kiun doesn’t do any of that. he has no friends. no lovers. he glues himself, absolutely and completely, to take. and that’s self-punishment at its finest, because while he’s practically all of his master’s happiness he can’t see that. he blames himself for all of takemikazuchi’s misery since his reincarnation. and in a way take does too, but he forgives him for it except in the moments where he’s enraged beyond belief, and then it’s weaponized.

their relationship is a bizarre, tangled mess of emotion and frustration spanning millennia. they both have incredibly deep affection towards each other that they don’t admit, because it isn’t proper and they are both super steeped in tradition. take is selfish; kiun will always serve his whims until he thinks that take is destroying himself. they are apart only when kiun is asleep or when takemikazuchi tells him to be gone. i genuinely think that they probably have adjoined quarters (if not just straight up shared) and their codependency is absolutely bonkers. they both look to the other for instruction and affection while trying to retain an autonomy they have no idea of how to gain, and it’s ultimately just tragic.

but neither of them will give it up. they’re part of each other. 

[seafoamchild]

the decade is ending. i guess i’ll use this milestone in time to reflect about the past ten years. i was 15 when the decade started and i will be 25 when it ends. so much growth has happened and i’m honestly so proud of myself. i graduated high school and college, visited 24 countries, started countless new jobs and moved so many times. the emotional growth has been torturous but so amazing in the end. 

half of high school happened. i was so ugly, insecure, and shy, and i had no idea how to fit in. i was good at school but i remember feeling perceived as having “no personality” because i was so quiet. i had awful skin and no clue how to dress well, or how to do my hair or fix my eyebrows. i lived mostly within my imagination and i spent so many hours on tumblr and polyvore and 8tracks, collecting pretty images and music and dreaming up escapist fantasies. i was such a dreamy, poetic girl with all these artistic hobbies but i could not for the life of me fit in at school and i thought boys would never, ever like me. i did cross country and track and that was the closest i came to feeling a sense of belonging. during the summers i went on a rafting trip in utah and discovered people actually thought i was funny, and i went to france and discovered i was very good at foreign languages. i guess during the second half of high school i developed my tastes in music and books and art, i got pretty into fitness and running, and by the end of high school i finally found my real friends, even though i went in and out of severe bouts of depression which prevented me from feeling like i belonged in the group. 

after high school i had no interest in going to college, but i felt the pressure from my school and my parents. i compromised by taking a semester off to go to bolivia and peru. this was such a highlight of my life. i felt for the first time like i belonged, truly. people liked me, people thought i was funny. nothing could get my spirits down. i absolutely loved roughing it - living out of a backpack, hiking in the mountains, learning spanish, playing cards to pass the time because we didn’t even have cell phones. i can’t even describe how much i loved the three months i spent in south america. i think fondly about this trip all the time.

then came college. i never wanted to go in the first place, and it truly was a horrible experience for me. once again, i did not fit in. i smoked way too much weed and tried all these drugs and thought i was so fucking cool. i wanted to escape reality so bad during this intensely lonely time. i used to get super stoned by myself and just walk around at night, alone, for hours. i felt like i had no friends. i felt like everyone on that campus was so cookie-cutter and basic, and i couldn’t relate to any of them. i dated my first boyfriend, which was such a mistake. because i was so ugly and shy in high school, i had terrible self esteem and i felt immediately attracted to anyone who remotely “wanted” me. that relationship was terrible. i thought i was in love but i felt so used and manipulated by the end of it. i had no idea how to navigate those types of feelings or how to stand up for myself. i was beyond depressed and constantly wished i was dead. my acne was so bad and my room was so messy and i was living such an unhealthy lifestyle. i was snorting adderall and smoking cigarettes. i was doing acid and walking around campus, feeling more detached than ever. i don’t even know how i managed to get decent grades in school.  

i dated my second boyfriend, and he treated me a lot better but we were so codependent and awful together. i felt like such trash and like no one would ever like me at that fucking university so i might as well hate everyone else too and spend time with the one person i could connect with. we didn’t care about anyone except each other. neither of us had any friends. we treated everyone else like shit. the summer after sophomore year we went on a roadtrip up the west coast and we did all these drugs together and went to raves all the time and it was so fun and carefree. all we did was smoke, eat, do drugs, go to concerts, have sex, and watch TV. then i went to tanzania to study abroad for three months, and i finally realized how damaging it had been to live with him in our own stupid alternate reality, willfully oblivious to everything and everyone else. i realized how much i’d been shutting out my own friends. i realized how much i’d missed out on. i realized that i had never had a boyfriend i was actually in love with and attracted to. i’d just been looking for something to fill the lonely, something to assure me i was pretty and good because i could not love myself. i was so miserable in that hellhole university, but dating people gave me temporary happiness. 

i finally broke up with my second boyfriend for good after dragging it out for another six months. i just didn’t know how to end things at all. but i finally did. the last year of college was actually kind of fun. it was so bittersweet. for the first time, i was single and having a good time. i woke up and realized how badly i played myself by wasting so much time being miserable with men, and i was so angry and bitter about this. instead of being alone all the time, i took dance classes and went out to the bar every thursday night and partied and had a lot of fun. i felt like i should have been having fun like that throughout college. but oh well. i didn’t want to die anymore, but i still wasn’t very happy. i remember drinking entire bottles of wine by myself in desperate attempts to feel something. 

after graduating college i felt so liberated. i felt pretty that summer. i lost a lot of weight in tanzania and i didn’t have my chipmunk cheeks anymore. i bought a one way ticket to europe, where i had the time of my damn life. i lived like a dirty vagabond, sleeping on random people’s floors and drifting from place to place. i hooked up with a lot of men. i went wherever the wind took me. i felt so alive and invigorated now that i was no longer trapped in the university bubble. i felt like i wanted to just travel forever. i eventually got tired of it, gained weight, felt ugly again, and ran out of money. i fell head over heels in love with sam. i really felt like i had found “the one”. he was cute, he was funny, he was outgoing and my friends and family actually liked him - they hated my other boyfriends. 

i thought i had found my confidence but i really hadn’t. i was still really insecure. i had not recovered from my experiences in high school and college. my stint in europe was a refreshing rush of adrenaline, but it did not fix my issues deep down. i was a jealous girlfriend. i did not know how to communicate my feelings. i still did not know how to stand up for myself. i kept everything inside. 

there was a brief time - when i went to spain to get my TEFL - when things felt almost perfect between sam and me. we were so happy there. he had lots of friends, i had lots of friends, we ate and drank and partied and went running and just felt so optimistic about our future together. when we moved to vietnam together i ended up feeling so hopeless and sad. things fell apart rather quickly, but i convinced myself to hold on. within the first two months of being there, i had this voice in the back of my mind telling me i should break up with sam, that it wasn’t going to work out. and i was RIGHT - but i didn’t listen to myself, as usual. i let it drag on and on. i thought it would get better. and it didn’t, of course. i felt cheated again. i had not had a good time in vietnam, and i felt so bitter as i wondered, would things have been better had i gone there alone, without sam? would i have made more friends that way? would i have found a niche? there is no point in wasting time wondering what could have been. there is only what was. i only wish i would have been strong enough to just end things with sam instead of hanging on for so long - but was i wrong to hope things would get better for us? i was learning life lessons and i can’t get mad at myself for that.

in retrospect it’s so clear to me i should have never gone to new zealand with him. i should have listened to myself, because i always knew i didn’t want to go there. but i did not listen. i was desperate to feel what i had felt for sam before, during happier times. but i would never feel that way again. i went to new zealand and i was literally suicidal. i didn’t know what i’d done to deserve everything to go so wrong. i was so mad at myself for allowing the whole thing to happen, and for ignoring that fact that sam and i had been miserable together for months and months - we just chose not to accept it. we chose to blame it on being in vietnam, on not having friends, etc. but it was really just us. 

as awful as that time was, it’s a part of my story now. it was a transformative time and i laugh about it now - living in a car, breaking up on valentine’s day, sharing a kitchen with 60 people. so ridiculous that’s how we ended up. now it’s the end of the year and i feel so much life inside me. i want to keep living. i laugh so much every day. i have an amazing roommate who feels like a sister, i have so many friends, i have so much fun at my jobs, i finally have a place to call home. i have not slept with a man in 9 months because i haven’t even met anyone i feel attracted to. i finally feel like i know my worth. at least i hope so. i feel confident. i have been through so many lows that the highs feel so good. i am ending this year and this decade on a very good note and i am so glad.  

[lynne-monstr]

hello! why do you think sh tried to compare alec's parabatai bond to magnus' magic? magic is something magnus is born with. it is who he is. an equal comparison would be the shadowhunter's runes- born with it and it defines them. the parabatai bond is something one can acquire and then it changes you. a fair comparison to that would be the vampires or werewolves. they can be happy being that- like maia's decision- but it isn't who they are, which is why raphael could be happy without it.

(parabatai anon cont.) the whole concept of needing another person to feel whole is NOT healthy. i don’t understand why the show and cast kept trying to sell that as some sweet, wholesome concept. i grew up in a codependent relationship with my twin sister, and i can tell you that anyone that glorifies that type of dynamic has either 1) never been in one so can romanticize the idea or 2) is still in one so can’t see how much it hinders a person’s personal growth and causes unintentional harm.

(parabatai anon cont. again- sorry this is so long) what should have happened is s1 going down as it did, but then in s2 and s3- instead of re-establishing that toxic mess again and again- alec and jace should have grown to understand that the parabatai bond is a concept that the clave used to create better soldiersn and less independent thinkers, and torn down that notion as they did they the notions downworlder prejudice, the law is the law, etc both in the institute and in alicante.

(last one, i promise) their 3x22 convo could have been that they finally realize they don’t need a stupid rune to be close and that their love for each other as brothers was what had really been important all along. the are adults siblings now, they are not responsible for each other, they should just be there for each other. needing another person to “feel whole” is NOT a beautiful thing. i was codependent with my sis for like 22 years of my life and now- at 25- i see it for how toxic it is.

i don’t actually remember the show comparing the parabatai bond to magnus’ magic, but that could be me just repressing the majority of 3b because i didn’t like it. in any case, i think that comparing magic to either the parabatai bond OR the runes is an imperfect metaphor. thanks to iris’ speech, we can interpret that magic really is akin to a warlock’s soul; it’s an intrinsic part of them well beyond any acquired ability. and while shadowhunters certainly base their identity off their runes, it’s not something they’re born with.

i actually really like the concept of the parabatai bond. the concept of a soulmate is generally something restricted to romantic love, and i think it’s really neat to see this concept applied to platonic love.

granted, i have major issues with how the bond is portrayed in the show. i agree that there are so many occasions that make the whole thing seem fucked up and that the bond often seems inbalanced in an unhealthy way. i hate how it’s only used as a convenient plot device and then forgotten about until the next crisis. and i hate that the show, especially in 3x08 and 3x10, positioned it as a choice between magnus and jace, as if platonic and romantic love can’t coexist without one taking precedence.

(i will always maintain that if alec was forced to choose between either saving magnus or saving jace, alec would find a way to sacrifice himself so he could save them both. but that’s an argument for another day.)

but yeah i would have liked to see the show lean into their brotherly bond as more as a two sided thing where they both give and take. that being said, one of the things I *did* enjoy about 3b was that i felt like that actually happened. i felt like i was watching two brothers who love and care about each other in a way i didn’t in the earlier seasons.

[lurkingcrow]

I should be finishing a whole heap of ficlets, but it’s been FOREVER since I participated in some high quality crack. So, I thought it’s time to bring out a concept I have been teasing @generallkenobi with. Now certain friends (*cough* @resistancepilots @asokatanos @aifsaath @forcearama @albaparthenicevelut etc) might read the following words with trepidation, but bear with me:

Sith Anakimono.

Imagine if you will, a universe where Knight Kenobi and Padawan Skywalker are unexpectedly lost on a mission, and find themselves stuck on a planet/in an ancient temple with a bevy of Sith ghosts for company.

It’s bad. There’s no way out and they are surrounded by Darkness. And Obi-Wan? Obi-Wan has lost so much, he is NOT going to lose Anakin. He will do ANYTHING to protect his Padawan, no matter the situation.

And of course, that’s the crack the Sith Ghosts use to get in.

Anakin NEEDS him. Its not wrong, not for the sake of HIS Padawan. HE can take it. HE can protect the boy. It is his DUTY, is it not ,to face it?

And of course these aren't Banite Sith Ghosts. They look at Obi-Wan in mock astonishment: “Why the goal of a Sith is not evil, it is power, power to be FREE, to do whatever one DREAMS of. And is not your dream a noble one little Jedi? To protect your apprentice?"

And even Obi-Wan Kenobi, stalwart of the Light, has his flaws. And bit by bit the ghosts chip away at him. 

“Can you REALLY protect the boy as you are now?"

And well, it’s been ages, here in this Dark place, and Anakin is all he has left, the bright light in his days. And Anakin has been trying so HARD -  it is not easy, and only the small boons Obi-Wan wins from the ghosts have allowed them to survive.

In the end it is Anakin, shivering, his eyes dull, his face gaunt, hiding the evidence of illness just so Obi-Wan wouldn’t worry, that breaks Obi-Wan.

If it will save Anakin, he will Fall.

And so he does.

.

Of course, as a Sith, Obi-Wan laps up knowledge like water - after all he has made his decision.

(the Sith Ghosts are pleased beyond measure, he is such a GOOD pupil)

Anakin though, Anakin is worried. But Obi-Wan looks at him and smiles gently and tells him that  he is worth it.

And that? That pretty much seals the deal -  the Chancellor was WRONG, and Obi-Wan has chosen ANAKIN over the council, over the Jedi, over EVERYTHING. 

For that, he will follow his Master ANYWHERE. Even into the Dark.

Besides, if the Sith are all about freedom, maybe they WILL get around to freeing the slaves one day, together...

And thus is born Darth Solence and his Apprentice Vader

.

Now over time their codependence just grows. And as Obi-Wan is freer with his affections Anakin grows more used to that level of attention.

It becomes a feedback loop

Which means, by the time of the Clone Wars, there are a pair of irrationally Attached Sith roaming about who COULD destroy/conquer the galaxy but can’t be bothered and are FAR more concerned with more immediate matters.

Like each other.

Or the shortage of Anakin’s favourite conditioner. He almost committed genocide, until it was brought to his attention that there WAS sufficient supply but it was being hoarded by some high up person in order to artificially raise the price and... well this when the galaxy learns that anti-corruption measures are best enforced rather than having Lord Vader take the crusade into his own hands.

( Much later certain elements take to “aiming” Lord Vader at sources of corruption/slavery/other horrors through similar efforts. Lord Solence knows, but is too amused by it all to intervene. Besides, Obi-Wan LIKES Anakin all bloody and feral and flushed with victory...)

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves here. By the time of AOTC the galaxy is only hearing rumours about the very charming Sith and his overgrown Murdercat of a partner.

The description is rather accurate. Anakin brings Obi-Wan all sorts of bloody presents, has been known to knock ancient Sith artefacts off high ledges and go around marking people as : “Mine” “Mine” “Mine” *hiss* “Not mine!”.

 Perhaps more pertinently however is his habit of lounging on his Master’s lap demanding head pets or lurking behind said Sith to unnerve those seeking an audience with the dread Lord Solence. 

Obi-Wan thinks Anakin is ADORABLE.

(It’s why again, much later, he smiles indulgently as Anakin singlehandedly decimates Zygerria -literally decimates the message needs to get out about how unwise it is to run a slaving empire after all and Obi-Wan is a believer in efficiency- and why part of Nal Hutta BURNS for Anakin’s brithday one year.)

Obi-Wan will do anything for his boy.

 His boy.

Not Sidious’.

Because that? That is what seals Palpatine’s fate. 

A number of incidents reveal that the Chancellor has taken an interest in the new elements in play. And in Lord Vader in particular.

He wants Anakin. And Anakin? Is Obi-Wan’s. Full stop.

This simply Will Not Do.

Lord Solence is out for more than blood. He is out for complete and utter ruination.

And this is how the Jedi Order, and the Republic ends up getting the unasked for assistance of a pair of mad Sith Lords set on ridding the galaxy of the Line of Bane.

.

There are many tales about our codependent pair. 

For a start, yes, of course there are pancakes.

Pancakes were Obi-Wan's bribe of choice all the way through Anakin's apprenticeship. And you can bet that Anakin loved every bite.

Of course, eventually puberty hit, and  Anakin began implying he'd accept something else. But Obi-Wan seems to completely miss the hint  and ask if he meant he wanted waffles instead. 

His continued lack of clue causes Anakin's frustration to grow. Along with his power. And Anakin decides that the only way to make his intentions clear is to be strong enough to MAKE Obi-Wan accept them, as a full fledged Sith Lord.

And then one day, he completes a difficult and dangerous mission, one that challenged all his skills, one that was a WORTHY trial for a young Sith.  And high on his victory he grabs Obi-Wan by the shoulders and kisses him full on.

Obi-Wan just smiles, reaches one hand up and with barely a moment’s movement severs the braid Anakin had kept for so long.

 “Congratulations LORD Vader. I was wondering why you would act. Sexual frustration is a powerful motivator, is it not?"he purrs and Anakin is about to settle in for an EPIC pout until Obi-Wan pets his hair, kisses him again and informs him that  he only Kisses those WORTHY of standing by his side. He wants a PARTNER. He knew Anakin would get there one day, it was just a matter of WHEN. Anakin SWOONS.

(While Anakin will ALWAYS be HIS Apprentice, Obi-Wan was not about to sleep with someone under his tutelage - he likes his partners VERY willing and knowing Anakin COULD kill him if it came to it? Super hot.) 

.

And then there is the time they decide to thwart a certain plan to silence Senator Amidala of Naboo... And discover she has it covered. With a blaster.

Pointed at them.

While she spits out a series of breathtaking insults against the CIS, Count Dooku and his assasins (which she assumes they are).

The boys are impressed,

There may of may not be hearteyes involved. 

There was... definitely some cringing and identity reveal.

( Obi-Wan lowers his hood, red eyes gleaming and smile wide  “It's lovely to see you again, milady - I can assure you we mean no harm" *suave hair flick*  She stutters. Padme never stutters "Ob...Knight Kenobi? You're alive!? But that means... Ani????"t  *said man removes his hood, grinning* "Ani, you've.... grown" “So have you. Grown more beautiful... for a Senator I mean”) 

.

The first bunch of flowers turns up within an hour of her getting back to Coruscant.

 A few days later Padme finds a bloodied Nate Gunray tied up with a giant bow outside her apartments. A box of chocolates and a datachip containing crucial intel are stuffed in his hat.

( Anakin was originally torn between being smitten and outraged that she was pointing a blaster at HIS Obi-Wan. On the other hand, this is his Master, and he is obviously in no danger and, ooh that is his impressed beard twitch!  Anakins' brain begins to put together the possibilities and HE nearly gets shot. A quick discussion afterwards and a reaffirmation that “What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine” and the boys decide upon a joint wooing. Given that in this universe Anakin doesn’t have the padawan cut, and Obi-Wan is wearing colours other than beige, Padme is doomed.)

This mission is also the point in which they reestablish contact with Jedi Master  Plo Koon, who was assigned to protect Senator Amidala alongside his new Padawan, Ahsoka Tano.

The boys think Ahsoka, who back talks to them like they AREN’T a pair of Murderous Madmen, is wonderful.  They totally want to steal her. Except they’re kind of fond of Plo, who remembers the Jedi they once were, has taken a more conciliatory approach to these Sith than the rest of the Council might approve of.

("Master Plo, you appear to have acquired a pair of Sith shadows." "They followed me home. Can I..." "No. You may NOT adopt the Sith reigning destruction and mayhem across the galaxy!" "But little 'Soka likes them! )

Plo, Ahsoka and Padme form an unofficial alliance. Anakin and Obi-Wan are undeniably Dark, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be convinced to work on the side of good! Also, they’re not sure just how much of the offer to grant Padme the galaxy on a silver platter was actually a joke...

Ok, that’s it for the moment! There’s plenty more to play with because you KNOW that the boys are going to completely ruin Palpatine’s plans in the most spectacular fashion, Dooku is going to have to deal with Obi-Wan’s complete and utter disdain ( "He claims to have loved Qui-Gon and yet he serves the man responsible for his death?? How very Sith rolls eyes"), Ventress is out there to induce Anakin’s jealousy (”Don't worry pretty boy, I like my men a little more... obedient") and just generally the tale of Sith Anakimono who has NO shame and an EVEN MORE attentive Master...

:)