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ekkotimesthree · 5 months ago

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RE: Homestuck Discourse, Media Literacy, Fandom Entitlement, & The Puppet Theory

an essay by yours truly

content warning: discussions of child abuse, CSA, & child neglect

so many discourses and debates surrounding homestuck boil down to lacking basic media literacy. so instead of making a petulant rant, i’ll attempt writing a productive essay, but forgive me if my annoyance seeps into parts of this post due to the subject matter. let’s start with dave, since he’s one of the most contentious characters (also because he’s my blorbo, sorry not sorry), and move on from there!

i constantly see people say something along the lines of “davekat happening in the retcon timeline makes no sense why would terezi ignore dave and gamzee yada yada yada”, like there’s not a whole scene that explains this! and it’s one of the most plot relevant scenes in the comic!! if you don’t know what the blood scarf even is, your opinion on this irrelevant, since you didn’t read/remember the text. rule number one of media literacy is properly consuming the media.

“dave being abused and the gay stuff came out of nowhere” this is definitively not true. one of the first things we learn about dave is that he has to hide food in his room so he doesn’t starve, and that this is an intentional choice by his brother. oh, and then his brother actually beats the shit out of him on screen, while not letting him abscond, right after we see john and rose strife their parents in a healthy way no less. (take note of bro using cal, and dave trying to abscond from him. more on that later.)

and re: dave’s sexuality, rose immediately points out that dave is probably gay during their first on screen interaction, and it’s her first line of dialogue to him.

TT: In some cultures the persistent refusal of a lady's invitation to play a game with her would be a sign wanton disrespect.

TT: Either that, or flagrant homosexuality.

moving on, later that same day, dave outright admits he loves john:

in these scenes, rose would be considered a mouthpiece! author’s use mouthpieces to get across information to the audience, that the character(s) themsel(ves) don’t know. in this case, that character is dave.

so now let’s address the elephant in the room, you probably thought these messages were just jokes, and that’s okay! that’s for three reasons:

first, your worldviews and perspectives shift the way you perceive the world, and more specifically art in this instance. that’s a fundamental part of the human experience. having your own personal biases based on your life experiences isn’t inherently a bad thing! for example, if you finish my essay, you can learn more about compulsive heterosexuality, or the effects of child abuse, see all of the signs, all without having to deal with it first hand. which is great! that’s the point of art and storytelling.

secondly, you probably still thought dave was straight while reading this narration. that’s because homestuck is written in deep pov, or as you would probably call it, unreliable narration. these are technically two separate things, but i don’t feel like breaking down all of those pedantics. all you need to know is: deep pov is when a character’s worldviews and perspective shift the narrative, rather than a story being told objectively. think junie b jones, the percy jackson series, or uh, catcher in the rye, if you’re into that sort of thing. that means that all the dialogue and narration within homestuck will always have some level of subtext, aka the non-literal explanation for text. homestuck is made by adults for adults, so it’s created on the basis we can analyze the text, and come to our own conclusions, unlike YA and children’s media.

a lot of people assume homestuck is supposed to be YA series, but that’s not the case. homestuck’s themes are about exploring the effects of child abuse and neglect, which you need to be an adult to fully understand. and unlike cinderella, homestuck shows child abuse on screen, and as we’ll discuss later, tackles subject matter about CSA, or child s*x*al *ss*lt. that inherently makes it a 18+ story, no matter the ages of any characters involved. just because most of us read homestuck as kids doesn’t really have any impact on that.

“well there’s no explicitly 18+ content in homestuck!!! they’re all 13!!!!” please take one look at equius’s room, or translate damara’s dialogue, and tell me if you still feel that way. oh, and read the epilogues too. also do you not remember the sheer amount of bloodshed, sex jokes, and cursing shown without a single censor??? even the official homestuck twitter said this:

finally, it’s also worth mentioning the time homestuck was made, because art can’t be removed from it’s historical context. so in 2009, gay representation was still virtually non-existent, especially in children’s and teen media. in the 2000s there was an extremely prevalent trope, “queer people are funny”, where the whole joke is that a character doing something that could be perceived as gay, or transgender, is funny. this problem was especially rampant in media for men. the most infamous example of this is family guy this was s8e18 of family guy, “quagmire’s dad”, where the whole joke is that brian slept with a trans woman, and everyone single joke comes at the expense of the trans woman, who’s relegated to a background role, while the narrative focuses on quagmire and brian’s emotions, the two cis men. so what homestuck is doing is called a deconstruction of this trope! deconstruction is where you break something down to critically analyze the philosophy behind it. we’ll leave a pin in john for now (just you wait), but it’s made extremely clear that dave is struggling with internalized homophobia, thus deconstructing why he makes these jokes in the first place. by the end of homestuck, dave says:

DAVE: but ive had a fuck ton of time on my hands to think about stuff. about stuff ive said and done in the past why i said and did them. a lot of things i once would have insisted were like part of my brand and helped me come across cool and smartassy, but now im not so sure. we used rip on each other all the time for being gay even though we knew we werent which of course is what made it "funny" remember?

with this quote, and the knowledge that dave goes onto date a man, i don’t think anyone is denying the internalized homophobia now, so let’s move onto reading this:

i’m sure all of us are thinking “there’s no heterosexual explanation for this, he doesn’t even like ben stiller!” OR “maybe dave’s just too embarrassed to admit he likes shitty movies? is it really more than that??” either way, that’s because hussie utilitized the rule of three to make you subconsciously notice dave’s obsession with irony! the rule of three is used to set patterns in a story, either to establish a fact, or to subvert the viewer’s expectations. for example, let’s analyze this joke:

notice how terezi’s third response is the funny one?by setting up the pattern, both you and john are expecting her to keep laughing in response, so when terezi flips the script on him, it’s hilarious. that’s called payoff, or in this instance, comedic payoff. now we can compare that to dave’s irony, where it was mentioned three times on one panel. no subversions of expectations here! that’s because hussie wants to establish dave’s obsession with irony, and they did so by creating a pattern you would notice subconsciously. this is how the rule of three works! psychology is cool, right?

so now that we can all agree that the subtext here is related to the irony, we have a new problem: we’ve only gotten dave and rose’s perspectives. we still need one more to complete the rule of three. fuck. thank god i can skip ahead!

using my whimsical ability to read ahead analyze text, i find out what john said to dave, and leave out the unimportant bullshit for everyone’s sake (mostly mine though):

dear dave, happy birthday!!! (…) i got you these. they're totally authentic! they actually touched ben stiller's weird, sort of gaunt face at some point. i'm sure you'll dig them because i know you lolled so hard at that movie. ok so for real, this is sort of a shitty present, but it is an ironic present because i know you wouldn't have it any other way. maybe you can wear them ironically some time. they MIGHT even be more ironic than you and your bro's dumb pointy anime shades.

now we have three characters’ perspectives on dave’s behavior. you’re probably able to put together the pieces i’m putting down, but for those who aren’t getting it: when you compare john’s letter, with dave’s actions, and rose’s messages, you realize that: dave is keeping these glasses because he loves john, not because he likes ben stiller, but he can’t admit that to himself, hence why his narration overcompensates with the usage of irony! it’s worth noting that all of these examples are from dave’s pov, because switching to rose or john’s pov would no longer make them mouthpieces!

“okay but isn’t dave’s perspective not reliable either??” yes! that’s why we’re using his actions as textual evidence, not his statements. the fact dave kept these glasses, and hung up a picture of an actor he doesn’t even like, is the proof he loves john, not him saying outright that he loves him. like i said earlier, this is a comic intended for adults, so characters aren’t going to outright say themes or how they feel. that’s more for peppa pig, hannah montana, and riverdale, you feel me? just like in real life, talk is fucking cheap here.

so now we’re left with a new question: why does dave feel comfortable admitting his love for john to rose, but not john himself? i’m sure the answer is becoming obvious! putting all this together we can gather the following: hussie wants us to know that dave possibly has a crush on john, but definitely loves him.

wait a minute… possibly?!? that’s because we still need textual evidence dave likes men. luckily, like i mentioned earlier, we can skip ahead to the epilogues, where him and karkat get together in the meat timeline, thus proving dave has liked men this whole time. boom! that’s payoff!!!

now we can OFFICIALLY put together that dave had a crush on john. once again, notice how we’re using dave’s actions to prove this, and not just quotes! either way, now we have officially used media analysis to deduce that dave had a childhood crush on john! huzzah! pat yourself on the back my loyal reader.

and for those who still aren’t convinced of dave’s crush on john, this masterpost has way more evidence than i ever could fit in this post.

(trigger warning: csa)

so now with everything we’ve learned about media analysis, i present you with my own analysis: the puppets are a symbolism for abuse, and the sex puppets specifically are an allegory for CSA, or child s*xual ass*ult. symbolism is where you use a certain object to represent ideas or qualities. the best example of this is the iconic green house logo we see throughout the comic. in comparison, an allegory is when a certain object or plot device is used to get a point across, without directly stating the point itself, aka, a hidden meaning. for instance, hussie has said their game “pyscholonials” is an allegory for how they feel about their gender identity!

so now, let’s start finding textual evidence to back up my claims about the puppet allegory, through looking for textual evidence of dave’s symptoms, aka analyzing character psychology:

dave’s anxiety manifests in the way he types. according to healthline “rambling or excessive talking [is a sign of] social anxiety. you fear saying the wrong thing or being judged by others, but you end up talking more (…) in an effort to help make up for your anxiety, and help quiet the worries revolving around what others think of you”. this is basically dave’s whole personality, but more specifically, you can see him doing this around the puppets in this scene, he rambles to himself non stop when returning to his childhood bedroom, and he’s still doing so on the meteor when he can’t find terezi to do “some stuff”. by the end of the comic, dave even acknowledges this himself by saying: “DAVE: yo im hardly one to talk here since i am a goddamn geyser of hilariously self-pulverizing freudian bloopers”. it’s also worth mentioning that, generally speaking, dave also spams his friends a lot until he gets a response, implying he gets anxious when people don’t respond quick enough to him, which is a normal reaction after being neglected as a child. that’s called a trauma response! all of these bullet points are trauma responses that happen to people who had to deal with CSA. in this case, the trauma response would be dave’s anxiety in general, and not him spamming his friends specifically. moving along…

dave’s hypersexuality manifests in a pretty in a pretty straightforward way, hence him constantly making s*xual jokes, and him drawing dicks on stuff on the meteor, much to the annoyance of everyone else. terezi even points this out herself while dave is failing to grieve bro:

TG: im sorry you are so flustered by the mere mention of glittering mythical cryptodick it honestly makes me think youre not ready for the truth

GC: D4V3 YOUR P3RPL3XING 3UPH3MISMS INVOLVING WHAT I PR3SUM3 TO B3 L3WD 4ND VAGU3LY INTRIGUING PORTIONS OF HUMAN 4N4TOMY 1 THINK 4R3 NOT 4S HILARIOUS 4S YOU PROBABLY B3L13V3

his dissociation is also pretty straightforward. he constantly talks about himself in the third person, and treats himself like he’s a character in a story, rather than a person who has wants and needs. for reference, dave immediately pulls meta shenanigans when you meet him, foreshadowing his dissociation. you can tell it’s built up to an already toxic level when we meet him, because on the same day, he has almost no reaction to seeing his own corpse, and immediately disposes of it “for jade’s sake”, rather than his own. and to make matters worse, he immediately “moves on” as if nothing happened. deep pov, remember? he also couldn’t properly process bro’s death. once again, terezi tries to point this out to dave, and he’s still not getting the message. put a pin in this section for now.

near the end of the comic, davepetasprite outright says that davesprite was depressed, regularly talked about how he wanted to off himself, and implies he might of attempted it. this is a grey area since davesprite is technically a separate character, and grieving the death of everyone from his original timeline, but it feels weird to just ignore it. to each their own on this point, but i would assume davepetasprite was referring to dave’s whole life when they talked about him being depressed based on wording, and his terrible childhood, but the s**cidal stuff could go either way. again, the proof here is dave/davesprite’s actions, not davepetasprite’s quote itself.

he displays regressive behavior 24/7 by wearing his shades to avoid eye contact, refusing to participate in common social cues (i.e.: constant dick jokes), and the few times we see him get upset, he shuts down rather than feeling his emotions. not so fun fact, the only time dave cries in all of homestuck is because of onions being cut in front of him. there’s an allegory in this scene, can you find it? (hint: the dragons forced dave into the soup, but he refuses to get out of it) also, in his most emotional scene, he still tries his damndest to not talk about emotional stuff with dirk, and still doesn’t cry when they hug, despite discussing bro’s death, and his thoughts on his own abuse in detail:

the lack of self esteem is pretty apparent. he constantly over compensates at the beginning of the comic, as seen below. he always talks about himself as if he’s a famous important guy, despite that all of his friends know he’s lying, and regularly say it to his face, but he’s still adamant that they’re wrong, or commits to the bit without actually admitting the truth. i wanna note that dave’s humor is always more of a commit to the bit and keep it going sort of thing, for better… or usually worse. not full on sarcasm. this is opposed to rose and john’s teenaged douchebaggery mixed with flagrant sarcasm. also, in the aforementioned scene above, davepetasprite still refers to davesprite as a piece of garbage, showing this is something dave struggles with even while being combined with nepeta. again, we’re using the action of putting himself down, not the quote itself. (also, sorry for the image quality, i’m on mobile)

in the long term, it’s basically impossible for him to form long lasting, fulfilling, and romantic relationships. first, it’s his crush on john, but that’s just kids being kids stuff. there’s also the fact dave and rose had some sort of failed relationship in davesprite’s timeline, due to them not learning they’re siblings. then we see the serious problems arise with terezi, who he dates pre-retcon mostly just cause she’s there, and his weird definitely not gay rivalry with karkat, which leads to her being unfulfilled in their relationship, and starting a kismesistude with gamzee. obviously the jade stuff is a big wooooof (pun NOT intended), both with davesprite, and the candy timeline. ultimately, both times, dave only dates jade because he feels bad for not liking her back, which leads to the relationship falling apart both times. remember the pin in dissociation? that’s what he’s doing here. karkat would be the opposite of jade. dave doesn’t let himself date karkat because dave hates himself, and more specifically, his attraction to men, which i’ll elaborate on later. this is what we call a character foil, aka two characters who have similarities so you can contrast their differences. think naruto and sasuke, or uh, deku and bakugo i guess? how do you do fellow kids? actually yeah! cause jade is green, and karkat is red blooded, which would symbolize how dave sees karkat as the “wrong” choice, while jade is the “right” one. the colors green and red are opposites, but jade and karkat are both of dave’s love interests in the epilogues. see? character foils! symbolism! personally, i refer to this as “star wars logic”, cause the good guys have green lightsabers, and the bad guys have red ones. this is definitely intentional, seeing as homestuck is littered with star wars references, like how HIC is basically just darth vader. meenah is also definitely a reference to darth maul, just look at her double sided weapon, or how they both die before getting to their respective thrones. i could keep going but it’s not really relevant to the discussion.

so right now you might be thinking “well you still didn’t explain how dave got assaulted tho”, and that’s fair. however, i wanna remind you that showing children porn against their will is 100% a form of CSA, same with sex paraphernalia, and especially forcing sex paraphernalia onto them. to do that to a child non-stop, in an environment they can’t escape, would have horrid effects psychologically, and dave displays almost every one of them, as you saw with the textual evidence above. so when dave can’t admit to himself that he he hates bro’s puppets, and more specifically the sex ones, it’s because doing so would force him to admit: a) what bro did to him was wrong & b) that he enjoyed it in some aspect. john even points out how weird bro’s affinity for puppets is weird and definitively not cool, which causes dave to immediately shut him down hardcore (more allegory).

speaking from experience, one of the worst parts of CSA is that you have no clue what’s going on. victims of assault often blame themselves, or feel guilty of what happened, and children lack the ability to tell what’s fully going on in the first place, due to their brains being underdeveloped, thus amplifying the guilt and blame. people often worry so much about the “man tricking kids with candy” because it’s the most pervasive p****ph*le you see in media (god i hate true crime culture), that people forget that 84% of csa happens in the home, 50% of the time it’s someone the child trusts, and 40% of time it’s family members specifically. even if 99% of your experience is terrible, you’ll still find a way to blame yourself for the 1% until you can properly process that you didn’t do anything wrong. this is what’s referred to as the “the myth of the perfect victim”.

i know this is “personal speculation”, but to me, it seems very apparent that dave is gay, and can’t come to terms with it because of his CSA trauma, hence his inability to just admit to himself he has a crush on john. every girl he dates in the main comic is quite literally the ONLY dateable girl in front of him, or usually the only girl in front of him at all, and all three girls have crushes on him/flirt with him WAY before he starts their relationships. and once again, he only dates jade in the epilogues due to his own guilt and dissociation, combined with her doing everything short of forcing herself onto him. compulsive heterosexuality is a major part of homestuck. for instance, hussie has confirmed via author’s notes that rose had a crush on dave when they were kids, and that something happened between them when they never learned they were siblings on davesprite’s timeline, yet hussie has also said that rose is a full on lesbian. that’s comphet, and it’s very intentional!

i also wanna take a moment to acknowledge that dave and rose are 100% nods to luke skywalker and princess leia, who also kiss before finding out they’re related. notice how dave fights with swords, like a lightsaber, and has the same hair as luke. meanwhile, rose’s seer of light powers are basically the same as leia’s force powers, and she uses most of her weapons as blasters, just like leia. i don’t think hussie was trying to be weird or add this stuff in for any unsavory reasons, like some people imply. there’s a reason all of this extremely vague, and not shown on screen. put a pin in that.

so in the same way the katanas in dave’s fridge symbolize bro prioritizing preparing dave for battle over what he actually needs (food and shelter), that’s how the puppets symbolize dave’s CSA. now, if you read dave and rose’s conversation about the sex puppets with that knowledge, it starts to paint the harrowing picture (again, allegory). it’s important to remember that rose had a canonically had a crush on dave at the time during this conversation, so she was probably just negging him the same way she negs her mom. she was upset because she knew that dave liked john, and probably was just gay in general, so he was never going to like her back. she’s definitely projecting her gayness (and love of puppets) onto dave too. again, all of this is definitely comphet lesbian behavior. all that’s to say, i’m not claiming she’s intentionally victim blaming him or anything during this scene. she’s just as much of a child as he is. put a pin in that too! i got sited sources coming, but i can only put so many goddamn words and images in a single post.

so, i see the sentiment shared a lot that hussie just tacked on the abuse stuff at the end, and that the beginning of homestuck “was just a silly comic at the beginning it’s not that deep”. that is an objectively ill informed take, and now you know why! the entirety of homestuck’s themes are exploring the effects of child abuse and neglect, hence the name, home stuck. there’s a reason the protagonist who is able to save everyone, also has a seemingly perfect home life. notably, the only other character who’s a completely well adjusted nice person is nepeta. she’s also the only character who’s able to free roam as she pleases, has a loving lusus, and ironically, is the only character without a home/hive to begin with. once she makes into the game, her land is quite literally her cup of tea as well. these definitely aren’t coincidences. i hope your allegory alarms are going off right now!

the only reason homestuck is sillier in the beginning is solely because it was a fan lead project for the first few acts. back in the day, there were forums dedicated for audience input to decide what happens next in the story. fun fact: this is how a lot the characters names were decided as well! so there’s a reoccurring bit where (insert beta kid) does (something stupid) and then the plot just moves on (i.e. john’s HILARIOUS antics). those were the silly suggestions sent in by the fan community! that was back when the homestuck community was still pretty small, all things considered. this explains the wonky pacing in the first few acts, and the more comedic tone.

moving on, the reason the puppets and the katana fridge are used as symbols, is because yeah, the tone would be way too dark if they played that straight. however, there’s another reason that’s way more important. remember how homestuck is written with a deep pov, aka unreliable narration? (please don’t kill me pedantics police!!!) hussie uses deep pov to display how homestuck chacters see their parents/lusii, in order to convey the themes of the story. stick around a bit longer and i’ll explain the theme of homestuck! just let me explain something real quick, so you get the big picture.

bro is shown in a positive zany light because that’s how dave sees him. to dave, bro is his whacky older brother, and sure he’s a little out there, but ninja battles and puppets are sick as fuck, right? well we as the audience know that’s NOT the case. again, dave is literally starved on screen, and gets the shit beaten out of him, also on screen. this parallels rose’s relationship with her mom, who gives her everything she could ever want and need, but doesn’t fulfill rose’s emotional needs, so rose sees her as a some sort of spiteful cartoon villain. dave even calls this out the second he sees all the wizard stuff rose got from her mom.

meanwhile, you can see rose admit to liking the puppets here, and she says she’s a fan of bro’s pornbot websites as well.

ultimately, they both want what each other has, but aren’t really able to fully grasp why their own parents did what they did, much less each other’s parents, which leads to them both envying the toxic part of each other’s households. i’m sure you’re starting to see the big picture with the puppets now, so to send the point home, remember that image i showed you during dave and bro’s strife? well, bro is attacking dave with a puppet, and dave wants to abscond, but can’t, perfectly paralleling dave’s abuse to a puppet. furthermore, that’s why he’s surrounded by sex puppets specifically, and they’re all throughout his apartment. it’s all symbolism for how dave is trapped in home dealing with CSA.

this is the purpose of allegory, telling you something without directly showing it. i doubt any of us think homestuck would be better if this stuff was depicted literally, for all the obvious reasons. i’ll close out with this dialogue since it shows what i mean better than i ever could myself:

DAVE: why did i get such a raw cut of the asshole deck? and why did it take me so long to figure that out? and like hes dead now so thats that. so all thats left to do is look back and try to put the pieces together of my first 13 years, and all i can think is what the fuck WAS that?!

DAVE: i dont come away with the impression i used to try convincing myself of, that he was like "mysterious" or "stern" or "aloof". the only feeling left is this insane impression that i was raised by somebody who fuckin HATED me, and the whole act of even "raising a child" was some totally fucked up game to him.

DIRK: What… did he do?

DAVE: i dont want to get out the laundry list, but for reference laundry wasnt one of those things. that was just one of the many little domestic things i just had to sort of FIGURE OUT. sorta like i eventually had to learn what the REAL purpose of a refridgerator was from movies.

DIRK: Wait. What???

DAVE: i dunno theres too much to even get into. just- i dont remember the atmosphere ever not being nerve wracking. all havin to sneak around and... ugh my shitty childhood spider senses are tinglin just thinking about it.

DAVE: it was "training" you know?

DAVE: but you know what it really was, it was some vicious shit that was bad and sucked and i hated it

DAVE: it didnt make me stronger

DAVE: it did the opposite

DAVE: it made me never want to fight

DAVE: it made me never want to see blood or be near danger or hear metal sounds

DAVE: it made me hate the idea of being a hero cause he was a hero and he ruined the idea of heroism

(…)

DAVE: i know how it sounds but i am NOT joking and there is NO shred of doubt in my mind that he loved all those puppets more than me

so uh, this essay is already long enough, and you definitely want me to just say the theme by now, so let’s explain the rest of this allegory in optional bullet points that you should definitely still read.

rose liking the puppets is symbolism for how emotionally neglected children often end up subconsciously “wanting” terrible things to them, like abuse or self harm, so they can justify their own unhappiness with their lives, due to them not understanding that their emotional needs aren’t being fufilled. again, the myth of the perfect victim, starting during childhood specifically. rose does this by convincing herself that her mom hates her, rather than seeing that her mom is trying her best to parent, and failing miserably. rose is also unaware of her mother’s alcoholism, which symbolizes how she doesn’t understand that her mother is emotionally neglecting her. this parallels how dave is seemingly caught off guard by dirk’s sexuality, and thus bro’s sexuality, due to dave not processing that his abuse is sexual in nature.

jade’s love of plushies parallels dave’s love, and eventual hatred, for puppets. (once again, notice the red vs green. character foils!) this is because her neglect causes her to become extremely immature. when she’s a kid, this mostly just manifests as her liking children’s toys, and speaking with a childish affectation. however, this immaturity goes unchecked, leading to the epilogues, where she completely ruins dave and karkat’s relationship for her own sexual desires (paraphrasing). you could say the same for her secretly getting rose pregnant in hs^2, knowing kanaya will be upset when she finds out. basically, she has a huge emotional disregard for everyone around her, which stems from her almost complete isolation for most of her childhood. once again, emotional neglect leading to regression, more specifically maturity regression in her case, which makes sense when you remember she grew up raised by an actual dog. and interestingly, dogs have low emotional intelligence compared to other animals. jade herself becomes part dog while going godtier, right as she has to go into further isolation during the three year journey. dogtier symbolism! jadesprite also throws a tantrum when she’s created, right after being combined with a dog. more symbolism!

dirk loving cal is an allegory how he can’t let go of his own self abuse, which becomes extremely literal when he cuts his head off. something something symbolism. this is also foreshadowing his eventual role as the villain of the story once he achieves his ultimate self, and begins thrusting abuse onto others. after going ult, dirk ends up pushing jane into presidency, thus allowing a troll genocide to happen. it’s also worth mentioning jane r*pes jake in the epilogues, and while knowing this, dirk still supports her because he believes “the ends justify the means” during all of this. now he’s officially just as bad as bro at this point. i also wanna point out that this, once again, this makes dirk a huge foil to dave, with both of them helping their respective presidential picks to win the election. i believe this is hinting that dave will eventually be the one to defeat dirk, thus finally not letting his bro have power over him, or anyone else for that matter. remember how dave is a reference to luke skywalker? well the main villain of homestuck^2 is his father figure from another timeline/universe, so at this point, it seems like dave will have to be the one to do the killing blow on dirk, the same way luke did to vader. only time will tell. pun intended bitch. also, dirk’s shade of orange is right in between dave’s, and the yellow bloods, possibly symbolizing how dirk is doomed by the narrative just like sollux, mituna, and the Ψiioniic, combined with his own self abuse.

roxy has seemingly no affinity or hatred for puppets, dolls, or plushes, foreshadowing her failed assassination attempt on the batterwitch, and her short lived alcoholism. however, she does still have a pile of cat and wizard plushes in her room. roxy is probably the third most well adjusted character in all of homestuck, and had a pretty nice childhood all things considered! obviously it wasn’t perfect though, hence the short bout of alcoholism. all that fits into my puppet theory pretty well, implying that roxy made it to the end of her game due to her lack of alcoholism, unlike her alpha self, but just like rose. her shade of pink being the middle ground of dave and rose’s makes sense as well.

on davesprite’s timeline, his sprite prototypes with cal, and one of the birds who never left his apartment, symbolizing how he was unable to escape the trauma of his abuse and homelife. also another easter egg! crows are the smartest bird, and one of the smartest animals in the animal kingdom. this is symbolizing how dave is actually the smartest member of his session, which makes sense due to the sheer amount of math he does for his sylladex, despite bro not bothering with his homeschooling. this is why davesprite’s wings are clipped, to symbolize how his neglect and abuse ultimately made him worse off, rather than “being the air beneath his wings”. actual dave notably fights with a clipped sword, can you guess what that symbolizes? (hint: bro clipped the sword)

john interestingly fits into this as well, due to him receiving a harlequin doll for his birthday, and it later prototyping his kernelsprite. john hates clowns, and is the main character, which interestingly foils gamzee, who loves all things clown, and is relegated to a joke background character. let’s just put another pin in john and gamzee for now! i promise it will pay off.

but most importantly, lord english is the referred to as “the 8ig 8ad” by vriska (not a coincidence! think about spidermom!!!), and lil cal himself is referred to as the “most important character in homestuck”. notably, lord english is also the mind behind lil cal. this symbolizes how abuse is a central theme of homestuck, and the last trial the characters must overcome. that’s why rose stops drinking after the retcon, and why dave starts… doing something with karkat?

so there’s a huge elephant in the room! if we’re discussing davekat, we have to to mention the contentious reveal scene, don’t we? forgive me, but we have to address all the little nuances of this. so uh, remember dave’s anxious speaking habit we’ve established? well he starts blabbering when karkat immediately brings up his old black feelings for john, most likely implying he’s a little jealous/insecure about that. this is pretty normal, cause he’s still teenager at the end of the day. you can see it specifically in these two lines:

DAVE: so are you SURE you still dont have these unreconciled blackrom feelings about john

DAVE: i say we air this out before it ferments into some rank and hella unexamined feeling sauce

see? remember what i said about dave having trauma responses? this is it. he’s just anxious karkat might still like john, thus ruining their relationship, or uh, situationship at the time. he also might be projecting his romantic attraction to john onto karkat as well. then, he rambles a bunch of incoherent bullshit when john asks what his sexuality is. karkat is extremely embarrassed by this part of the conversation, yet he was able to calmly discuss his old crush on john. so this all comes to a head with the following dialogue:

JOHN: did you... like, date any boys?

DAVE: uh

JOHN: but there weren't even that many boys on the meteor? well, there's the clown guy, but i don't really see you and him... that really only leaves... um, were you and karkat... ARE you and karkat, like. hmm.

this makes karkat officially loses it due to embarrassment, but i’ll spare you from that huge wall of text. next dialogue reads:

JOHN: dave, i'm pretty sure we're making karkat uncomfortable now.

DAVE: yeah maybe we should drop this

JOHN: ok.

so lets think. they aren’t dating, but they definitely did something kinda gay. notably, this parallels the “things” dave did with terezi pre-retcon, while still being tastefully vague. the idea that dave did some gay teenager shenanigans actually does make sense for his character arc, because it implies he’s comfortable enough now to try something like that now. though i do wanna emphasize that i’m not try to explicitly say they had sex, i’m just saying dave explored his sexuality. come to the conclusions you’re comfortable with here! hussie goes out of their way to not display or mention characters doing any sex acts while they are minors, and this is the closest we ever get to anything like that. there’s only one instance of making out even happening in homestuck, and it’s just jake making out with his avatar poster. well, unless you wanna count this i guess? considering everything we’ve gone over in this post, this is most definitely intentional.

through john’s retcons, the butterfly effect forces the dave and rose to address their respective childhood traumas, which leads to them being able to beat the game. same with davepetasprite finally giving jade the closure she needed right before she woke up. same with terezi fixing her relationship with vriska. karkat runs for president later, proving he’s got over his leadership trauma as well. that’s how you win sburb. john saving everyone with that retcon shows the central theme of homestuck: you can change at any point, and get through any hard times, as long as you have people in your life to help and support you. the retcon is great because it shows you how a timeline is doomed, so that way you can understand why they won.

EB: well to be honest, i never really believed any of your guys's doom and gloom nonsense. not because i think you are lying... i just feel like there must still be a way to win! (…) also, there is always hope for someone who has good friends to count on!

so when dave and karkat start getting together, and do “stuff” on the meteor, that’s all the tasteful way of saying: dave was able to process things, and become more comfortable with himself. again, this totally could’ve just been making out, come to the conclusions you want. the vagueness is intentional.

notably, vriska, dirk, jake, gamzee, and jane are the only surviving characters to not address their trauma at all by the ending, which leads into their current arcs in homestuck^2 (or lack thereof in gamzee’s case). there’s also one more character, who we’ve carefully left pins in until now….

it’s time to address june egbert. spare the torches and pitchforks please! i’ve done a ridiculous amount of research, and there still doesn’t seem to be a proper explanation for june egbert from either a homestuck fan or a creator behind homestuck, so i’ll bare the cross of this explanation. from here on out, i’ll still say both names interchangeably for pedantic reasons, but that’s solely because this is still in a weird state of schrödinger’s canon, and hs^2 is pretty much it’s own thing in itself. but i’m a trans woman so w/e. once again, spare the pitchforks! please!

the reason why her being trans works is because john/june spent the whole series so focused on saving everyone else, that she never focused on herself, or thought too deeply about anything. that’s kind of her thing, taking everything at face value, and not thinking too deeply about herself (i wonder why… ♾️). this is even pointed out by dave himself during The Davekat Scene™:

DAVE: ok i guess what im saying is… i dont think its all as simple as you think it is, or maybe not like ACTIVELY think it is but continue to assume it is on account of NOT thinkin about it much, due to a lot of junk about the subject that gets shoved into our brains from movies and stuff while we were just dumb kids

JOHN: i,

JOHN: hm.

so you see the set up here right? the character who i was referring to, who still hadn’t processed their childhood? it’s important to realize that june/john has never actually had a character arc herself, because her story is told via the hero’s journey structure, not a typical three act story structure like almost every other character receives in their arcs. ever notice how homestuck is constantly compared to the odyssey or the iliad? that’s why! this all means, june/john is a plot motivated character, rather than a self motivated one, again, like almost the rest of the entire cast. it makes sense for her to have to start self introspection once the game is over, she never really had the chance to while saving everyone else. interestingly, vriska’s arc is told in the format of the hero’s journey as well. dave/davebot’s arc in the epilogues and hs^2 is also told in the format of the hero’s journey. he seems to be in between “woman as the temptress” (aka jade) and the “atonement” stage, which would most definitely be finally seeing karkat again, something hs^2 is still building up to. this makes sense for all three characters, seeing as being a “hero” plays huge parts of all of their respective storylines.

i also wanna bring up the clown stuff again, and more specifically, gamzee. even more specifically, this amazing analysis by @abcq2:

before murderstuck, gamzee has no idea that he is a clown. sure, he anoints his face with greasepaint, rides a unicycle, and juggles, but these are serious religious sacraments to him. and, sure, sometimes he trips on his giant floppy shoes and lands face first in a pie, but that's just being blessed with a miracle, because he was just thinking about pie. and, sure, sometimes his friends say things like "HEY ASSHOLE. CLOWN ASSHOLE. YOU WORSHIP A CLOWN RELIGXON. FOR CLOWNS." to him, but he's too zonked on sopor slime to extract any meaning from it. when gamzee sees the ICP miracles video, he's too sober to dismiss it as a mere coincidence; for once, he gets the joke, and realises that he was the butt of the joke the whole time. he understands that every time he fell face first in a pie, it was the work of an unsen riddler. he grasps that he is, in a cosmic sense, a clown, and hates it. (…) when the murder spree is over, gamzee's beatific grin returns; no longer a look of blank ignorance, but a knowing smirk. he's successfully ruined his character forever - no one wants to see him and no one thinks he's funny. hussie seems to say: jesus you are such a shitty clown. and gamzee's impassive face seems to say: i know. gamzee refuses to clown out of spite, and hussie refuses to remove gamzee from the story out of spite. it's a committed relationship of reciprocal, mutual antagonism. what i'm saying is that hussie and gamzee ar-

once again, all credit for this gamzee analysis goes to @abcq2, please check them out!!!

so i’ll cut straight to the chase, mostly due to me getting close to tumblr’s character limit. the clowns are an allegory/symbol of being transgender. it’s impossible to ignore. remember that game i told you about? psycholonials? if you’ve ever played it, you’d know that clowns and transgenderism are tied up together in one big scene. i won’t spoil the game, it’s really good! check it out! this parallels homestuck, where june has always been associated clowns. not a coincidence. once you fit gamzee into this equation, it’s clear that gamzee’s “clown” dysphoria is a stand in for gender dysphoria. read the analysis above one last time and tell me i’m wrong. hussie themself has only posted themself in clown makeup since 2020, this started exactly half a year before they unofficially came out as non-binary via a homestuck announcement. they also tweeted that they use any pronouns shortly afterwards, on a private (?) twitter account. it’s also worth mentioning that one of the few of photos of hussie that we have, they were in ICP/juggalo stuff just like gamzee, and this photo was taken in october of 2010, mere months after gamzee’s introduction, and possibly a month or less after act 5 act 1 was finished. if you know anything about this image, or tumblr user @dead12234352356456775, please message me! this blog is the earliest place the picture can be tracked to, and i’d love to ask OP if they know anything about this image. hussie has notably referred to themselves “clown gender” as well. it’s unclear to me whether hussie actually likes icp, or if this is one huge coming out ARG, but either way, clowns = trans, got it?

so when john/june have a clown sprite following her around, it’s an allegory for how the trans stuff is literally in her face, but she can’t understand it!

“but there’s no textual evidence of john wanting to be a girl!!” see, we’ve officially waded deep all the way into the murkey grey waters of nuance. so if you don’t know, june is the embodiment of what us trans women refer to as the “pre-egg crack”, aka, the phase before you realize you’re trans. this phrase applies to all trans people, but trans women use/identify with it the most, just cause we usually come out way later, usually around say, 20-23, like john/june is by the end of homestuck! huh, what a coincidence. in all seriousness, this is because most trans women start their transitions when they first live on their own. john/june’s also a computer scientist by hobby, something a lot of trans women do. this is because trans women are one of the smallest minority groups, so we usually have to go resort to online communities to talk to each other. this is also necessary for a lot of us, due to research on hrt not really being as advanced as it should be, and the fact transitioning is still illegal/hard to access in a lot of areas. trans women are also likely to stay inside on our computers cause yknow… dysphoria. plus computer jobs often have decent pay, low barrier to entry, and require little to no interaction with other people in person, making them perfect to both medically and socially transition. sure, june never outright says “i want to wear a dress” or laments about dysphoria, but again, homestuck is by adults for adults. the story shouldn’t have to explain something like this to you. the only reason you had the impression that there’s no evidence of john being trans is because you weren’t educated on the subject matter, but now you are!

“you’re just projecting onto this character!!!” and you are too! again, that’s how everyone engages with art. to think you don’t do the same yourself is foolish. utter poppycock even! however, i really despise this sentiment. the fact i’m a trans woman makes me the most qualified to speak on this subject, not the other way around. who are you to speak on the experiences of trans women? exactly. i’m tired of us trans women being berated for headcanoning characters as trans women, even when it’s extremely obvious why we do as such. it’s always the boils back down to the same bullshit in response: “well actually YOU’RE the transphobic one for saying all trans women look/act the same!!!” *sigh* that is literally the definition of an identity. you sound dumb, and are speaking over actual trans women, whose opinions are infinitely more important than yours when it comes to this subject. this is literally just the “what is a woman” debate repackaged with the guise of liberalism. it’s annoying.

“all this june stuff came out of nowhere!!!” this headcanon became prevalent during the pandemic, where tons of trans people were able to start their transitions! i did this myself, and so did hussie. doesn’t seem so random now, does it?

“hussie is just doing this for woke/fandom points!!!” uh, and what would they be gaining by making john trans? if this was about making money, wouldn’t the merch link on the official website work? hussie makes visual novels now, and has removed themselves from homestuck as much as feasibly possible, while still maintaining their ownership of the IP. not exactly the most lucrative career path. and if you’re implying hussie is adding any element to homestuck simply to please fans (yes, that includes davekat), you obviously know nothing about hussie. go on reddit, read ANY responses to the epilogues, or the plot of homestuck^2, and tell me when you find the tons of people happy with their contents. oh, and see how homestuck fans feel about kankri and cronus while you’re at it. i’ll wait.

“okay but the toblerone stuff is dumb!!!” at no point before the june wish did hussie say that finding a toblerone would give the finder the power to make a canon-altering wish. as you can see here, all of the wishes weren’t even granted, some of which have no impact on canon at all. if hussie wanted to, they were well within their rights to go “yeah no, this is dumb, sorry” when the wish for june egbert was sent in. this means that june egbert already fit into hussie’s idea of canon, and as i’ve already pointed out, june egbert has properly been foreshadowed, so this all adds up. the idea that hussie “turned john transgender because of a toblerone” is an exaggeration of events perpetuated by losers misguided and ill informed fans. hussie has been sent an insurmountable amount of headcanons over the years, and aysha u farah, who has had major involvement for multiple homestuck projects over the years, has said “the only headcanon i've ever seen andrew get excited about is june egbert” on a now defunct podcast called perfectly generic podcast. (forgive me, but any links to the specific episode i’m finding no longer work due to their official website no longer working. i’m not listening to hundreds of hours of an archived podcast for this minuscule of a clip. be my guest if you want to take that on! once again, message me, and i’ll update this section.)

either way, based on everything we know, june egbert is canon because hussie wanted this prior to the toblerone wish, because if the wish contradicted or retconned canon, it wouldn’t have been granted in the first place. simply put, june egbert is canon because it’s want hussie wanted to begin with, and the wish came after that. once again, the sheer amount of foreshadowing here should be more than enough proof, and if you want more even more proof of june egbert foreshadowing, check out this blog post! it’s great!

“well it’s dumbledore logic!!!!!!!!!” is it though? j.k. rowling is a transphobic bigot, who’s works cost money to access, who confirmed dumbledore was gay only after he died, and then she still straight-washed him in future harry potter media. hussie is an actual trans person, running an indie project, who wrote one of the longest literary works in the entire english language, made it all free to access, supports all fan archives, and hasn’t even ended homestuck^2, where john/june is very much alive. and once again, the wishes were to add something to post canon content specifically, without shifting the canon of the main series. homestuck^2 is still updating, and as far as we know now, more projects are on the way, like the completion of hs^2 and hiveswap. these situations have almost nothing in common aside from deriving from twitter. if you’re mad about this, were you mad when jake was confirmed to be brazilian in a youtube livestream comment? or when gamzee’s red crush on tavros was confirmed via a dubiously canon comic? probably not. eh, maybe you were actually, i don’t know you. either way, feel how you wanna feel about jake being brazilian, i don’t care, but you can’t say there was “nothing building up to june egbert” now that you’ve read this essay. the dumbledore comparison is dumb as hell.

“well i’m trans and i don’t feel represented by june!!!” if you’re “feeling unrepresented” by june, it’s probably just because you’re not a trans woman obsessed with computer science. that’s just you not relating to the character. it’s really not much deeper than that. and on that point…

“well i just don’t like this!!!” with all due respect, you seriously need to put thought into why that is. i can’t think of a single non-transphobic to be upset about a character transitioning in a story. and again, homestuck is one of the longest literary works in the entire language, and is completely free to access. in all of homestuck history, not a single product was sold under the guise that “john will be cisgender forever” or “dave will not end up with karkat” or “jake will never be brazilian”. hussie doesn’t owe anyone any part of their story’s canon. it’s their story, full stop, and if you’re mad about that, you’re entitled to something that was never yours to begin with. not all art is made purely for your consumption, and free art is especially not made for your consumption. can you critique it? absolutely. there’s a big difference between criticism and bashing though. if you don’t like any part of homestuck, write a fan fiction, make some fanart, or write an oddly soapboxy essay about your personal fan theories and headcanons. turn that negative energy to make something positive! i’m being serious! hussie themself encourages this!!!

“okay but it’s still lame the davekat stuff happened off screen” i can agree to a certain extent, but dave and karkat’s relationship plays a major part in the epilogues, as well as homestuck^2, and that’s not even unpacking their weird borderline black rom dynamics pre-retcon. to act as though their romance starts and stops during one intermission really downplays how seriously their relationship is taken throughout the homestuck series.

“okay but isn’t a lot of that stuff dubiously canon?” baby, everything is canon. hussie has said so themself. there are infinite possibilities for what could have happened during homestuck, so maybe we should just focus on the fact it’s taken seriously at all? honestly, the line between dubiously canon and actual canon is paper thin. homestuck^2’s entire plot is currently deconstructing what canon even means. if you wanna only see the main series as canon, be my guest, but the accusations of homophobia and queerbaiting over the davekat reveal are a little ridiculous. their relationship plays a major part in all homestuck content for years now. also, big reminder that, with the reveal of june egbert, there’s now only one canonically straight character from the main series, and she’s a villain now, so…

“well you’re just strawmanning me now!!!” my loyal reader, i understand you are a human being with infinite nuances i will never be able to understand, cause quite frankly, i have no clue who you are to begin with. i don’t think everyone who hates davekat or june egbert is some anti-lgbt bigot. i’m just here to set the record straight, and provide context for people who are willing to listen. a lot of this shit is confusing, and there’s misinformation a plenty out there. most people who are participating in this discussion clearly haven’t bothered reading homestuck for years at this point, possibly even a decade. and that’s fair, most of us read it as kids, and probably stopped by the final update, if not sooner. honestly, i think the main issue here is that people are playing the telephone game via fandom discourse. that’s how we went from “hussie supports june egbert” to “hussie made john being transgender canon cause of a candy bar” in the first place. if you’re participating in this discussion, maybe try rereading homestuck before you let your vague memories of reading the comic years ago define your current day opinions? besides, i’m not delusional enough to think any bigots are going to read this post and be convinced, but i’m sure i can open up the minds and eyes of people who are willing to listen! give homestuck a reread, imagine how much more foreshadowing has gone unnoticed over the years!

i feel the need to be so thorough, bust out so many references, break down every bit of nuance, and speak from my own experiences, because inevitably, a small group of people are gonna read this post and still go “it’s not that deep! they’re just puppets! june egbert is a bunch of sjw malarkey!!!”, and to those people, i hope you stop making fandom spaces miserable because you didn’t wanna pay attention in english class. media analysis is a necessary tool, and i’m sorry our education system here in america failed both you and i. (or maybe your a non-american country has english classes as terrible as ours? idk.)

honestly, i think i read like five or six books in throughout of all high school. i failed english my freshman year, and dropped out by my senior year. there’s always room to grow though! look at how i’m able to write this essay now! all you have to do is just watch some video essays that break down your favorite movies, tv shows, books, and more!!! there’s tons of jackasses like me who will lament about their hyperfixations. plus, now you already know what symbolism, the rule of three, and allegories are! before you know it YOU’LL be the one noticing all of the easter eggs in the media you enjoy, just like us the rest of us pretentious media analysis fuckheads.

i’m sure all of us are old enough to remember how exciting it was when rosemary was first confirmed, or when the dirkjake kiss happened, or all the recent stuff with davekat. and guess what, june egbert is going to be that lots of young trans women! after reading all of this, is hating june egbert the hill you’re gonna die on?

you know, hussie practically uses homestuck as their personal diary. i don’t think anyone’s denying that. it shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to understand why they want their main character to be trans, or why they wanted dave to end up with karkat. maybe you’re just not willing to understand it? if we’re allowed to project on to these characters, then why won’t you let hussie?

if you got to the bottom of this post, thanks for reading! i might turn this into a video essay if i’m being honest, but if you wanna repost this, or make your own response, please just credit me! also check out my homestuck fanworks if you like this post, i’m sure you’ll like them too!!! i don’t really have anything else to promote so uh…. if you’re on the homestuck^2 team and read this…pleasefortheloveofgodiwouldkilltoworkonanofficialhomestuckprojectidontevencarewhowhenwhenwhereorhowbutillsettleforanytjingpLEdareplelaplwlalsplelallaldle

in all seriousness, thanks for reading! i doubt this post will take off simply due to how long it is. i’d love to hear other people’s thoughts and opinions on this, or possibly make mutuals to yap with even! dear lord i miss having friends to talk about homestuck with. also sorry for the censors, normally i wouldn’t bother with something like that, but i’ve been working on this non-stop for the past few days, so i don’t wanna risk it being taken down.

anyways….. THAT’S why i have the bro strider tag muted 😭

(EDIT ON 9/15/24: added a new source i found and fixed some minor grammatical errors)

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drdemonprince · 29 days ago

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I never finished college and my work history is kinda spotty because I'm an artist and I've always had supplementary day jobs rather than a ~career.~ Most of those day jobs have been on the menial side because so many things I have the skills to do require a bachelors degree. So I just never bother applying.

Today I saw a listing for something I KNOW I would be good at, but you need a BA to apply "or equivalent experience," and I'm getting autistically tripped up on that verbiage. Do they mean I need to have gotten paid to do the thing previously? Or is it enough that I know a lot about it/have done it creatively/as a hobby? Should I say fuck it and apply anyway?

"Equivalent experience" just means "you've spent a few years doing this work (or functionally similar work)."

That can include volunteer duties, freelance work, personal creative projects, part-time work, and work in other fields. Hell, even the "years" bit is subject to some fudging based on how experienced you can make yourself sound and how clearly you can understand the job being expected of you.

In job applications and interviews, what matters is whether YOU can tell a convincing story about why your experience is relevant to the job you're applying to do. The HR representative won't do that coloring-in-between-the-lines for you, even if you worked in a highly similar job or have a relevant degree. You HAVE to spell it out for them that you know exactly how to perform the job, that you've done jobs like it before, you've been successful at it with clear positive outcomes, and you have an understanding of what the position requires and are excited to do it. Crafting that story is basically all that EVER matters, with the exception of academic positions that require a college transcript -- being able to explain how and why your skills are relevant to the job at hand is what helps get a person a job.

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mesetacadre · 6 months ago

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The type of person who tends to complain about others making everything political, or analyzing the political aspect of things that are hegemonically considered non-political, often does it on the grounds that the person doing the politics is refusing to enjoy it or letting others enjoy it. And the vast majority of times this perspective on politics as something that makes anything unenjoyable or boring comes from a place of privilege*, the privilege of being able to ignore the political in favor of "purer" persoectives. The position that something can be non-political necessarily means implicitly accepting the legitimacy of the status-quo as the natural order of things, it's a loss of both historical and social perspectives.

Apoliticism, the eschewing of a political perspective, is not legitimate only when it is mutated from an individual instance of favoring other perspectives over the political into a systematic rejection of anything political. Nobody is saying that in every single instance of engagement with anything everyone should drop every other perspective in favor of the political one, but rather that the repudiation of the possibility of anything having a political backdrop and interpretation is the attitude that's illegitimate and which springs from privilege.

Taking tumblr as an example, the "hey man how's it going" and other memes in that vein (what are you smoking, is everything ok op?, let people enjoy things...) that some people like to condescendingly parade around whenever they encounter somebody applying political thought to the subject at hand, is only possible to the person writing these responses, if they have already internalized the position that politics is an isolated aspect of some elements within society and thought, that the status-quo is the natural order of things from which everything else sprouts, and since that status-quo is apolitical, adding politics into it is both a deliberate and optional choice.

If we're talking about media, which is the case in most of these situations, politics of course has permeated the logical pathways of the author, their implicit beliefs, and the context in which that piece of media is created and in which it evolves. Therefore there is an undeniable political dimension to both the textual and the metatextual, no matter how apparently innocent that piece of media may appear, or however strongly the author tried to bury the political under layers of innocence.

And the belief that "politicizing" something makes it less enjoyable or interesting also comes from the perception of politics as something reserved for the professionally political spheres, for the politicians, statesmen, and stuffy theorists. The truth is that politics are much more personal and relevant to the individual "average" citizen than what the liberal hegemony pretends. The chain of supply that brought your polyester clothing to your back, the development of the land on which your house (or lack thereof) stands, the way your education was administered, the text of the last book you read, the production of the ink with which it is printed, your relationship with your family, your overwhelming chance of having experienced some form of sexual assault if you're a woman, your "apoliticism" and existence itself, it is all saturated with politics. Acknowledging this and sometimes even exploring what that means is necessary for you as a social animal.

"Politicizing" something does not mean forcibly applying a political lens to it, it actually is picking a universal perspective and exploring how the subject interacts with the context in which it exists.

*privilege here meaning the material conditions that allow a person to ignore politics, and not necessarily the specific set of axis of privilege that may affect an individual, although these two things are not exclusive in the context of this post

#seriousposting #if this breaks like 500 notes watch the very type of person I'm talking about materialize in the notes

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kirkwall-tourism-department · 1 month ago

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Extra Reading, Ch. 2

More illiterate rook x emmrich fluff

Opposites attract will always and forever be one of my favorite romance tropes.

Emmrich searched through the piles of books he had pulled from his shelves, all potential contenders to be the first book Rook would read. The gravity of the decision was not lost on him. Finding a balance between something that wouldn’t be too challenging at her current skill level and would actually interest her was a fine line to walk. Certainly none of his necromancy texts, nothing that assumed the reader was already somewhat knowledgeable on the topic, and nothing that overindulged in grandiose language. Which sadly precluded the majority of his library as candidates. He tried to think of everything he knew about Rook, and came up with a pitifully short list. She was a Grey Warden, she had spent time in the Anderfels, and she didn’t mind necromancy. When he had inquired if his magical practice would concern her and her teammates, she had just laughed and said “she had seen worse things happen to dead bodies than doing chores in the Necropolis.�� Concerningly, she had not elaborated on that point. He paced the balcony of his room, repeating the words Grey Warden over and over in his head until they lost all meaning. Suddenly, the perfect book came to him, and he walked over to the bookcase that housed his choice for Rook’s first foray into literature.

The History of Grey Wardens in Ferelden by Ferdinand Genitivi. There was a reason he was one of the most popular authors in Thedas- his writing style was approachable, but engaging. And the subject matter was relevant, given Rook’s background. While she seemed to react to most things with amusement, when speaking about the Wardens, her demeanor changed. She spoke seriously, with passion and conviction, her connection in the institution clearly going deeper than ideology. Emmrich wasn’t sure what her life was like before joining the Wardens, or the circumstances that led to her recruitment. When he had asked where she was from during their initial journey in the Necropolis, she said she had trained in the Anderfels, but offered nothing about her origins. As curious as he was about Rook, he knew that if a Grey Warden didn’t freely offer information about their past, it wasn’t a good idea to inquire further.

A knock sounded on his door. He peered out over the balcony, searching for Manfred on the floor below before remembering he had left earlier in the night to watch Lucanis cook dinner. Tucking the book underneath his arm, he rushed down the stairs to open the door for Rook. She stood in the hallway, hands on her hips, a small smile on her face. Despite her diminutive size, her presence dominated whatever room she was in.

“Welcome, Rook!” he greeted her, the excitement over having a new student starting to build in him. As much as he had been enjoying his time away from the Necropolis, he couldn't help but miss the comforting routine of academia. She strode into the room, taking in the mess he had left when finding the perfect book for her. Turning towards him, she raised a questioning eyebrow, and embarrassment began to burn over his face. In his single-minded focus to find a suitable text for Rook, he had neglected to clean up after himself. “I apologize for the state of the room, I suppose I lost track of time.”

“Professor,” Rook laughed, “I promise you I’ve seen worse living situations than this.”

“Emmrich is just fine. This isn’t a setting that demands formality.”

“But it’s such a fun word! And I’ve never gotten the chance to use it before!” Rook argued, putting on a playful frown. “Let me at least use it while you’re actually teaching me.” She took a seat next to his desk, staring expectantly at him.

“If you wish.” Emmrich gave a slight laugh before sitting at his desk, opposite to Rook, and handing her the book. As Rook stared at the cover, he realized he didn’t actually know how much she could read. Previously, she had simply said she couldn’t read “well”, but that wasn’t a very useful description. If he underestimated her abilities, he ran the risk of appearing condescending, which is that last thing a teacher should be. Overestimating her, on the other hand, would leave her without the instructional support she needed, and if she felt too shy to ask for help when she needed it-

“I don’t know what that says.” Rook said bluntly, interrupting his overthinking, pointing to the word Ferelden on the cover. “I know the words Grey Warden. Obviously. I’ve seen those enough. But I don’t know what a Feer-... a Far-...” she narrowed her eyes as she stared at the text, her finger running over the word as she tried to sound out the syllables.

“Take it one part at a time.” Emmrich instructed, motioning for her to hand the book to him. He laid it flat on the desk, placing his hand over the word so only the letters “Fe” were showing. Once she read the syllable correctly, he moved onto the second, and the third. “Now string them together.”

“Ferelden... Oh! I know that, that’s where Harding’s from!” Rook grinned, joy from her accomplishment radiating off of her. Emmrich smiled, the familiar sense of satisfaction gained from watching a student succeed filling his chest. “One part at a time.” Rook reminded herself as she grabbed the book that lay between them and opened it to the first page. She settled back into her chair, tracing her finger over the lines of text slowly, silently mouthing the words to herself. Emmrich picked up his own book, a study of the aftermath of the Breach.

They spent the rest of the evening in a similar manner. Rook would stumble across a word or passage she struggled with, and would ask for help without hesitation or shame. After a bit of help, she would figure it out, celebrate for a moment, then dive back into the book. Eventually, Manfred returned, delivering a cup of coffee to Rook from Lucanis. A comfortable silence settled over the room, the only interruptions being the occasional question from Rook and the turning of pages. Emmrich peered out over the top of his own book, studying Rook. She was curled up in his chair, intently studying the book while hugging her cup of coffee, unaware of his observation. The contrast between the force of nature she was on the battlefield to who she was in the moments she thought nobody was paying attention to her was striking. He hadn’t gotten many chances to interact with her past the visit she paid to the Necropolis to recruit him. But here, without her armor and weapons, without the demands of the outside world, she radiated a sense of calm he had yet to observe elsewhere.

The colors of the Fade outside began to shift from pinks and oranges to a muted purple, which was the closest approximation to a sunset they got at the Lighthouse. As the light in the room shifted, the glow of his candles fighting off the falling darkness, Rook looked up from her book towards him.

“Emmrich… thank you.” Rook said gently. “Not just for teaching me, but for being so nice about it. I was never really embarrassed about not being able to read until I joined up with Varric and realized it was strange. So, thank you for not making me feel weird about it.”

“Of course! You have nothing to be ashamed of.” He reassured her, setting down his book to give her his undivided attention. “How are you liking the book?”

“It’s good! Makes me want to read about Wardens in the Free Marches.”

“Why the Free Marches?”

“That’s where I’m from. Grew up in the alienage in Tantervale.”

“I’m certain I can find it for you.” Emmrich smiled, gratified by Rook’s desire to delve deeper into the subject matter.

“I should probably try to get some sleep. Would it be okay if I took this with me?” Rook tentatively questioned, holding the book up expectantly. He nodded, and she smiled, hugging it close to her. It was difficult to not be charmed by her mannerisms. Among other things. “You do realize I’m going to be bugging you with a lot of questions, right?”

“I was hoping you would.”

#dragon age #dragon age veilguard #emmrich volkarin #emmrook #emmrich x rook #dragon age fanfiction

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brf-rumortrackinganon · 10 months ago

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This is the very reason why HMTQ refused to divulge any details about her health, even when she was pregnant she wasn't seen out and about and why she didn't want to be seen in a wheelchair. Her cancer hasn't even been confirmed. She knows the vultures will circle her and make up the most disgusting stories and conspiracy theories! Catherine being made a subject of ridicule when the poor lady just wanted a peaceful recovery is proof why the little anyone knows about the royals, the better

Yep. Charles opened this Pandora’s box. It’s on his conscience now, and sometimes I think William feels that way too.

Charles didn’t have to announce his enlarged prostate or his routine doctor’s appointment to get it checked out or his cancer diagnosis. On the one hand it’s good he did because of the larger impact to public health it created. But on the other hand, it instantly created an expectation that the royal family was going to immediately share their private health matters going forward. And this is only the result.

It is, once again, FAFO. The king fucked around being transparent with his health, and now he’s finding out:

it created so much scandal and controversy that made Kate bigger than Diana (in terms of modern relevance, compared to the BRF)

it created a public relations and crisis management disaster that’s going to have long-term ramifications long after Charles has shuffled off this mortal coil, and

it trapped Charles in a punishment of his own doing. Because he was so forthcoming about his diagnosis and treatment in the first place, the palace can’t not make statements about his health. If his condition worsens, they can’t cover it up or buy him time because he promised transparency.

In other words, Kate (and William and KP) is not the aberration or the anomaly here. Charles is.

Which is something everyone has forgotten quite easily. The Waleses are playing by the rules. Charles is trying to rewrite the rules because he thinks he knows better than everyone.

#ask #brf #theories #rumors #waleses

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the-s1lly-corner · 11 months ago

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Hey I stumbled onto your blog and seen you did requests for sir pentious!

I read through all the sir pentious fics

I looked/ skimmed through the sir pentious finc and seen you haven’t done him X child reader (PLATONIC)

So could I please just get the silly snake boy X demon!child reader (around 12-14, platonic) if not totally ok!!

Platonic sir pentious x demon!kid!reader

WOOOOO! Dont know what to put here esp since this is for the queue so anything that's in my mind now won't be relevant by the time it gets out uhuh!!

Shrugs

He and the egg boiz keep a close on you, especially since the pride ring tends to be a little.. chaotic. Sure, sinners can't leave that ring but they've heard some of the other rings aren't as chaotic and lawless as their ring.. not to mention exterminations.. speaking of, its mentioned hell born are pardoned, how does an exterminator tell the difference?

Moving on

Hes a dorky dad. Hes a little confused but he has the spirit. He has his moments where hes trying to give you some fatherly advice but you can tell either he doesnt know what hes talking about or hes going off of his own experiences.. which.. aren't all that good, given most other people in hell see him as pathetic. You just nod along and pretend what hes saying is life changing...

A decent cook, not terrible but not some five star chef. Great Baker, though!

Deeply interested in your interests, the second you mention something off hand hes going to get into it; books, movies, shows, games, ect! Any niche subject will be in his brain if its something you enjoy, hes gotta bond with his kid!

Packs you lunch and makes the snacks look cute and decorated. Usually they're gear or egg themed! Writes notes for each lunch wishing you a good day with a (bad) pun

Doesnt matter how old you are if someone says something vulgar or swears hes covering your ears. Will cover your eyes for the same reason if its visual

#hazbin hotel x you #hazbin x reader #hazbin imagine #hazbin hotel imagine #hazbin hotel x reader #sir pentious x you #sir pentious x reader #sir pentious imagine

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inspiteofganon · 3 months ago

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I think ganondorf would be so confused by homophobia. like yeah obviously hes attracted to men. he took a course on wooing them. obviously hes attracted to women, why wouldnt he be women are great

The gerudo would not give less of a fuck about sexuality i think. i think the majority of them would be married to women and only seek out men to have children with

Oh yeah such a thing would definitely be nonsense to him, I think. Petty garbage for spoiled weaklings to fuss over. "Who cares if someone's attracted to the same sex? Every day my people struggle in the desert etc. etc. Hand Over The Triforce." sentiments.

Most of my headcanons about Gdorf and the gerudo only selectively factor in BotW/TotK-timeline things such as the dating classes, in preference for OoT-and-its divergents-inspired stuff and also "things my roommate says". I must confess I prefer them a bit more on the chauvinistic side... consistent, feisty, and proud... i.e. "everybody keep out" > "men keep out, women/agenders are fine". Why make exceptions for some hylians but not others?? Girl, the imperialists...!

I definitely agree they don't really "give a fuck" about sexuality. Maybe only a sliver depending on context. It's not really relevant to most of them unless they wanna start a family or fall in love. Being a 100% straight gerudo must kinda suck though since your only options are either hitting up Ganondorf (if there's even a gerudo king at home at the moment) or learning how to woo some outsider voe... or transmasc gerudo, if you think they'd have enough of those in the open. I like the idea of there being a lot of lesbian and bi gerudo... I want to see a gay gerudo wedding... they're socially monogender except for the times they have a king, so social sexuality really isn't something I think they'd really think seriously about except for the aforementioned reasons. Just more garbage that the peoples they steal from waste time on! Lame. Even the "vai" others have are so socially different despite physical similarities that they just don't vibe the same as other gerudo.

As for Ganondorf and his own Gay Thoughts... man, where to even start with what I have in mind for that guy. Besides the fact that he can't be normal about anything ever.

If vai take lessons on how to romance and woo voe, Ganondorf I think would at least know how that works. He has to know how the things his subjects consider important work-- how else are they going to respect him?! To hylians, I think, getting to know him long enough he'd start to come off as a guy with an unusually deep knowledge of what most might call "women's business". Up to and including him knowing how to go about getting a boyfriend if he really wanted to. But back to GAYNESS... I think it'd be complicated for him. Because Ganondorf is a very superior man who thinks little of everyone else, especially if they're not gerudo. So if one approached the topic of his orientation-- assuming his response wasn't just "who cares? not me"-- he might not be able to give you a straight (lol) answer on the sole basis that there aren't any other males of his own kind to measure his reactions with, and that he looks down too much on other peoples for him to think they truly count.

But on the FLIP side of that!! Other men could be, for lack of a better word, a "safe space" to play with his own sexuality, since them being of so little matter makes them more approachable in that sense. Goodness knows he's up to his eyeballs in women at home, but men? They're novel, they're disgusting but mandatory to his people (though they insist he's the one good one! they swear!!), and like it or not, the common voe outside Gerudo Valley are lumped into the same category that he is by most. They're so like him, but so not. They don't have the same expectations he has on his shoulders. Perhaps a part of him might envy their freedom and camaraderie... and enjoy intimidating them as a result, and thinking something like "Wow, you're nearly the kind of gender I am... heheh..." while watching them squirm in his presence. What passes for a man in Hyrule is different from what he's been raised to be...

So yeah in my opinion he's DEFINITELY got some gay potential boiling under the lid. He's not gonna think about it or act on it in a sane or healthy way though.

#how is it people once said it... ''THE RITUALS ARE INTRICATE''#I have many many thoughts on gender and the gerudo. Ganondorf's mere existence really throws a pipe wrench into it (whee!)#if you asked me to make a gender/sexuality chart of the main trio I'd put TRAUMATIZED in messy red and black letters under Ganondorf's #gerudo #vai and voe #ganondorf #my contacts with tumblr entities

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gascon-en-exil · 5 months ago

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Considering the undeniable fact that Edelgard was written for men and not them, what do you think that says about her lesbian fans? Are they following the wrong character? Or better question, does she truly have a significant sapphic fandom to begin with?

This is a difficult question for me to answer directly, because I'm not a lesbian. I've gotten a variety of comments from queer women addressing issues related to this on my relevant videos, with the range of responses being overall mixed. Even those who can enjoy Edelgard as a bi option (and/or her other F/F prospects) are usually still aware of IS's blatant misogyny in the way they handle their female characters, and acknowledge that these conversations are useful to have.

I think Monica's writing in Hopes sums up very well just how little the writers of these games are thinking about lesbians when they craft these characters and situations. Monica's attraction to Edelgard is treated as one long joke at her own expense, one that Edelgard appears to humor at best but never really understands. It's especially galling because this is the same game that takes a remarkably sober approach to Shamir's attraction to women, both in general and to Catherine specifically. There's also the matter of the M/M subtext, which as ever exists in a blind spot of straight male writers. With Dimidue alone, we have a situation where men are saying stuff like "You are irreplaceable, cherished" and "I cannot know happiness without you by my side" and holding hands and each other's gazes for something like fifteen seconds in an animated cutscene...and still expect us to believe that that's only platonic devotion. (As far as lord + retainer ships go, hold up Monigard and Dimidue side-by-side, and it's very obvious that IS is laughing at the former and isn't aware that the latter could even have romantic dimensions.)

The majority of IS's sapphic material exists in a different, though comparable blind spot: that lesbians exist as profitable titillation for straight men, and are always subject to the male gaze and the potential interposition of a male proxy for the audience (the Avatar, usually) because women's attraction toward one another isn't something to be taken seriously. Out of the various examples of F/F subtext and text in the entirety of FE, I feel like I could claim Heather from Radiant Dawn as maybe the only instance where the writers were thinking of actual queer women - and even then Heather is still mostly mild comic relief.

(As far as "following the wrong character" goes re: the fandom faction wars, there's always been the consistent irony that Rhea is subject to much of the same open objectification, ex. her summer duo alt with F!Byleth, and even gets to be a same-sex S rank as well. Humorously, this parallel or its implications is pretty much never brought up whenever Rhea's getting roasted as the Worst Ever.)

It's difficult to tell exactly how much of Edelgard's fanbase is sapphic. Of course Tumblr and AO3 skew queer as a rule, but those are just two sites; there's also Twitter and Reddit and SF and GameFAQs and 4chan and art sites like Pixiv and DeviantArt. We also know for a fact that at least two of the most prominent and combative elements in the pro-Edelgard side of the fandom are straight/bi men producing F/F Edeleth fanwork...which I remark on only as a counter to the frequent accusation that Dimitri fans are all horny fujoshi. How that does or doesn't play into what you're asking is hard to say - although one of them tends to get rather pissed when anyone brings something like that up and may still be stalking my blog.

It'll be interesting to see what troll anons I get now.

#Fire Emblem #FE16 #Fire Emblem Three Houses #Fire Emblem Three Hopes #Fandom discourse

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thearchercore · 11 months ago

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I came across these 2 thoughts which really interested me on the blog@tsarinablogs and I found her responses very interesting. (I always like his answers which are very relevant and interesting)

I would also like to know your opinion on this subject because I really like your way of perceiving and analyzing. (if that doesn't bother you of course, it's not at all an obligation)

after having an anon's thought, i realized something. (a personal impression) max is someone who is very easy to read, I have the impression that we know straight away what state of mind he is in, he is very open about his emotions, he is easy to read.

Charles, on the other hand, is very paradoxical. He has a very expressive face, you see everything on his face. But at the same time and despite this I find that he remains someone difficult to read. He is expressive but he still maintains a certain control over his emotions. I think sometimes it's hard to really say what he thinks. I don't know if I'm expressing my thoughts well, sorry 😂 I just find that Charles is much more complex than he seems. People like to call him nice, naive and handsome //

It's fascinating how similar and different Charles and Max are at the same time. In terms of racing, they are identical (even in the way they drive there are similarities). They talk about running as something vital, a need, as if the only time they feel comfortable and at peace is in a car. I have no doubt that it is a passion for all drivers but for them it seems like it is different. It seems like they need things to go well. They compare their car to a member of their body. Their way of talking about racing is different and I have the impression that what binds them is that they are the only ones who understand each other. They find themselves in this way of thinking, in this obsession and this vital need; there is an agreement.

another similarity is their humor and their perception of life; I have the impression that they are similar in this respect.

Their difference mainly lies in the way they act and interact with others. Max is very direct and more awkward, he has less self-confidence and needs some approval (like when he makes jokes). He is a very affectionate and spontaneous person. Charles is more socially comfortable and has more confidence. he has more control over his emotions than Max but at the same time he is a very open person.

thank you for mentioning @tsarinablogs! we're friends, and not to sound like i lack any critical thinking whatsover, but we do have a lot of joint opinions

THAT BEING SAID, what i find most interesting about them is how max generally never pretends, he's extremely straightforward and unless RB pr holds him at gunpoint, he will say what he thinks. charles, on the other hand, knows how to use the public opinion to his advantage and knows how to manipulate the narrative extremely well.

when you put these things together, you end up with what max and charles have going on - max who never cares about pretending to be anything he's not being interested in charles and charles, who's really great at keeping his PR persona up, tends to lose some of his cool around max and just becomes more of a private version of himself, let's say. so it's definitely fun to watch them interact vs other people on the grid just in terms of their persona preference of how they present themselves to the world.

when it comes to racing, i think they are extremely similar in both their mindset, approach, and driving styles. someone recently dug out an instance when drivers on track were complaining about their back in the cars and only him and max didn't mind “I am not here to be comfortable, I am here to drive a fast car” so it definitely helps to find someone who has similar mindset in the industry you work in, no matter what sort of industry it is.

finally, you can just tell both max and charles are there to race and win. it's their hyperfixation basically, and so them talking about racing probably fires up those little insane neurons in their brains and they can't physically shut up. i think we've all been here (when you find joint interest and realise the other person shares the same opinions AND you can nerd out together).

#lestappen

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wambsgansshoelaces · 1 year ago

Text

Turmoil; Chapter 4

Roman Roy x Reader

a/n: I’m back on that grind guys. enjoy x

Word Count: 2.744k

“You’re fucking lucky Y/N was there,” Kendall says, struggling not to raise his voice. “You’re so fucking lucky your vote didn’t tip the scale.”

You’re back in Kendall’s office, you and him perched on his sofa while Roman is stood, leaning against the wall.

“I… I just couldn’t,” he says meekly.

“Then why’d we agree to a vote of no confidence?” you ask. “Roman, I get if your feelings are complicated about this, but you almost fucked us over.“

“Why am I doing this again?” he asks, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes.

Kendall scoffs. “You need to think about what you want. Dad’s a horrible person doing horrible things. You can go run to him, but I’m staying here.”

“We go to Norway tomorrow. How about we just have a good time?” Roman suggests. “There’s nothing we- or he, for the matter, can do while we’re abroad. I need… I just need a break.” You roll your eyes and get to your feet.

“Whatever, Roman. I’ll see you at home.” You give Kendall an affectionate squeeze on the shoulder before going out and finding Greg in the bullpen.

“Oh, hello, Y/N.” He finishes whatever it is he was doing and turns in his chair to face you. “I could hear the… commotion from all the way over here. And I saw the police, and, uh, Kendall’s still alive, so…?”

“Yeah. It worked, surprisingly. They had to escort Logan out the conference room.” You drag a hand over your eyes. “Instead of dinner, want to go out for lunch? I like you, Greg, but my brain’s going to be fried by the time the work day’s over, and I don’t want to subject you to that.”

He smooths his dress pants at the knee before getting up. “Yeah, no, yeah, that’d be great.” He glances over your shoulder. “Uh, is he okay?”

You follow his gaze, peering into Kendall’s office to find Roman facing you both, watching intently with his hands folded behind his back. “Don’t mind him. He’s neurotic.” You touch your thumb to the cool gold of the ring sitting on your finger.

“Well, then, after you.” You walk across the street to a quaint brunch spot that’s hailed for it’s food. “I love this place,” Greg tells you. The conversation pivots, however, when you both are seated. “Shiv told me you need some, what should I say… favors?”

“We do, and I’m sorry it’s all been dumped on you.”

“No, it’s okay. It makes me feel important.”

You laugh. “What do you have in mind? Shiv tell you anything?”

“I’ve been thinking- and it’s completely valid if my voice isn’t relevant to you, but I’d like to share my thoughts -that instead of whaling so hard on Logan directly, why not try to get access to him through Marcia? Or any past… connection?”

“Do you think we’ll be able to find anything?”

”I heard, through the grapevine, of course, a few rumors about Marcia and a… new friend.”

“If you find anything,” you say carefully, “I think you know what to do.”

“I also have heard a lot of complaining from people who work directly under him. Or, used to, I guess.”

“I think the general consensus is that he’s a criminal piece of shit. We just can’t find any proof.”

“I think I’ll be able to find something.” He tentatively picks up the menu laid out in front of him.

“Do you think you’ll make it out to Norway?”

“Me? I think Roman would shoot me.”

“You should come, after you deal with things here. Everyone could use a break.”

“I’ll try. I do really need to get out of here for a while.”

“If Roman’s giving you trouble, you can tell me, you know.”

“Oh, it isn’t anything new. I don’t know what it is with him. He has his own issues he doesn’t know how to deal with, so sometimes he projects.”

“That’s profound,” you say. “You’re right to not think anything of it. I know him well enough by now to say I don’t think he thinks before doing anything.”

You both order, and conversation comes easily to the two of you. Greg’s a wholesome guy, you think. He makes you comfortable, and you know you can trust him.

“I wanted to tell you something,” he says after a while. “I haven’t seen Connor in a bit. But last time I did see him, he was on the phone with some lawyer, talking about a lawsuit. And I’m almost 100% sure it wasn’t you, because I know your name isn’t Brad.”

You give your drink a slow stir. “Did you catch what the lawsuit was about?”

“All I heard were the words ‘negligence’ and ‘innkeepers law’.”

You press your lips together. None of this seems right. “Is it possible you can figure out the firm he was speaking with?”

“I’ll do my best. I figured you’d want to know.”

“I do. Thank you, Greg.”

Eventually, after a fight over bill(which you won), you hail a taxi and make your way back home. You kick your heels off by the door, Roman’s dress shoes haphazardly strewn in the same vicinity. You pad into the kitchen and toss your keys onto the counter, clocking Roman sat on the couch.

“Greg, huh?”

“What about him?” You pull a bottle of water from the fridge.

“Do you like him?”

“Yeah, I do. He’s respectful and I can trust him,” you say acridly.

“I respect you. A lot, actually.”

“You don’t show it. It’s not a competition, anyway. Why do you care?”

“We’re engaged.”

You roll your eyes at his childishness. It’s starting to get on your nerves. “We’re just friends, remember? Your words, not mine.” You leave the kitchen and wander into your room. You don’t think Roman’s ever slept in the bed- he’s been living on the couch. He gets up and follows you. “Even if I was into Greg- which I’m not -what’s your deal?”

“I lied to you. That morning.” You’re sitting at your desk now, and stare up at him.

“About?”

“What I remember.” He takes both your hands. “I remember everything I said. I meant it.”

You can feel your face begin to heat up. “Are you drunk?”

“Sober. I swear it.” He uses his finger to draw a cross over his heart, still gripping your hand in his.

“What’s your point here, Roman?”

“I want to try being something. I want us to try being something.”

“Are we just ignoring the fact that you threw us under the fucking bus?”

“Yes, we are. We’ll talk about that later, I promise.” He gets to his knees, resting his cheek on your thigh as he looks at you. “I want to do something right, for once. I want to do this right.”

You’re sat frozen in place. You force yourself to card a hand through his hair, pushing it from his face.

“You were on the news, once. Giving some legal advice before my father went on air for some propagandist bullshit. I thought you were so fucking hot. I mean, I still do-” He cuts himself off. “What I’m trying to say is, I like you, you’re fucking gorgeous, and while the situation we’re in is less than ideal, I want to make something out of it.” You stay silent. “You’re kind, funny, you’re brighter than the fucking sun. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, but I’m just some piece of garbage who keeps making things between us worse. Friends? I was lying, then, too. I’ll never be able to accept you as just a friend. I’ll never stop wanting you.”

“Really?” is all you can manage.

“Yes, really. And I know I’m an asshole. I’m proud of it, 90% of the time. That last 10% is when I’m with you and I feel so fucking guilty I made that precious smile of yours disappear. It eats me alive that I piss you off. That you don’t like me. But that’s all I’ve ever been capable of doing.”

“So change it. Make me like you,” you say quietly. Reluctantly, he pulls himself to his feet and instead hooks his arms under you, hoisting you up. He takes your place in your desk chair, settling you on his lap.

“You deserve lots better than me, Y/N.” Roman keeps his arms wound around you, one tight around your waist, the other across your back, anchoring you to him. “I don’t know what I was doing this morning. I get so scared of him, Y/N. It’s like he was looking into my soul.”

“If you think I deserve better,” you begin, “become better.” You let yourself lean into his chest. “As for the vote, I still think you’re an asshole.”

He sighs. “And that’s fair. Kendall ripped me a new one after you left.”

“Good.” His hand wanders idly up and down your back, gently massaging knots of tension that he can find. “Roman Roy, realizing the consequences of his actions.” You drag a finger across his jaw. “Am I dreaming?”

”If we are, I don’t want to wake up.”

“So, what now?”

“We be all lovey-dovey. I mean, we’re already engaged.”

You snort. “You can’t stop saying that.”

“Who wouldn’t, when engaged to someone who looks like you?” He gives your ass a quick pinch.

“Roman!”

“Sorry. Had to,” he says, grinning stupidly. “Jokes aside though, I want to take it slow.”

“I… Yeah. Let’s take it slow.”

“You do want this, right?” he asks quietly.

“I’ve wanted you since the minute we made eye contact.” You stifle a smile. “You’re sexy when you have a stubble. What happened to it?”

“What, I’m not sexy now?” He absentmindedly draws a hand over his smooth jaw. “I’ll grow it back for you.”

“Hey, I’m just kidding. You’re sexy now, don’t worry.” Roman grunts and moves the two of you to bed.

“What? My back hurts.” He sinks into his side of the bed. “Please don’t make me sleep on the couch again.”

“You’re always welcome here.” You sigh happily and roll out of bed.

“Where are you going?”

“To brush my teeth and get ready for bed, unlike some slob I know. No outside clothes on my bed, Roman.”

You duck the pillow he chucks at you.

As you progress through your nightly routine, eventually, he comes to stand with you at the sink. You make a face at him before returning to your business. For a bit, he just watches you, happy to just be in your presence. When he starts brushing his teeth, he hooks an arm around your waist and pulls you close.

You protest halfheartedly, and he rolls his eyes at you before spitting his toothpaste out. “Quit whining,” he tells you, giving your hip a squeeze.

“I’m building a wall between us tonight,” you threaten lightly.

“I was a rock climber as a kid.” He pokes you gently. “Now that you’ve let me into your cold, shriveled up heart, I’m not leaving.”

“You still have a lot of work to do, Roman,” you chide. “Just because you got onto your knees for the first time in your life doesn’t mean everything’s magically okay.”

You both pad back into your bedroom, crawling under the covers together. “I thought we could kiss and make up,” he says, propped up on his arm, facing you. You curl up on your side, also facing him.

“Absolutely not,” you tell him. “You’re going to sit here and explain yourself. Or you’re sleeping on the floor.”

He sighs, pulling up the blankets so that you’re both covered. “It’s like I blacked out. I was so scared, Y/N.”

“Why? He can’t do anything to you, Roman, especially now that I’m involved in all this.”

“It’s complicated,” he mutters.

”We have time,” you urge gently.

“It’s the way I grew up, I guess.” He collapses onto his back. “He’d snap over the smallest things. My entire childhood I was walking on eggshells. I don’t… It’s such a bad excuse. God, I feel horrible.” He covers his face with his hands.

You crawl over, close enough to him where you’re able to set your cheek onto his chest and still lay comfortably. You’re still facing him, and one of his hands moves to sit on your hip. “I think I was too harsh on you,” you murmur. “Don’t get me wrong, it still was a dick move, but I get it. Just promise you’ll do better, okay?”

He peels his other hand off of his face to wind it through your hair. “I promise. I promise.” You press a kiss to his chest, to which he stiffens. “Don’t,” he says quietly. “Don’t.”

Hesitantly, you pull away from him, settling on your side of the bed and facing the other way. You fall asleep without saying anything else.

You wake up to an empty bed. You thought it was going so well, too. You drag yourself out of bed and find him in the kitchen. Wordlessly, he pushes you a mug of coffee and a plate of scrambled eggs.

“I felt bad. But then I remembered I don’t know how to cook,” Roman says meekly. “I’m sorry. It’s getting too real for me.”

“What’s that mean?”

“I, uh, ‘ve never been in a serious relationship. Not with someone I like this much. I don’t… I don’t want to fuck this up, Y/N.”

You try wiping the bleariness from your face. “I don’t understand you, Rome.”

He reaches out, wiping a bit of coffee from your lip. “I hope you can learn to.”

“As long as you put in the effort, too.” You look up at him. “I don’t mean to pressure you into anything you don’t want. I just mean I want you to actually try.” You take a sip from your mug. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you haven’t exactly been… proactive the last week.”

He leans against the counter behind him. “Who’s the one who went out with another man?”

“Roman, that doesn’t have anything to do with anything.” You laugh as he jabs a hand into your side.

“I’m not going to let you forget it.”

“It’s Greg. Wholesome, kind, Greg.”

“You should’ve been out with me.”

“Take me out, then.”

He bridges the small distance between you and fits his hands into the curves of your waist. “I’ll be all over you in Norway, don’t worry.” He takes the heel of his palm and massages circles into the skin of your hip.

“We need to leave soon,” you tell him. You want to kiss him, but you know you can’t.

“I haven’t even packed,” he says lightly.

“Roman!”

“God, I’ll never get sick of hearing that.”

You drag him into the closet and roll his suitcase over to him. “Get to it.”

☾𖤓

At the airport, Roman carries all of your bags for you. He even demands to hold your purse, a cute short strapped Prada you’d treated yourself to the first big check you’d received. He holds it by the handle over his shoulder the same way one would hold a jacket. He looks silly with his sunglasses on and your purse sitting on his back. It’s endearing, and you smile softly at him.

In the car out to the private jet, you and Shiv make plans to go out shopping your first day in Norway. Willa sits cramped next to Connor, and you feel bad, so you and Shiv invite her. Kendall’s practically snoring on Roman’s shoulder. The poor guy’s been working dusk till dawn this whole ordeal. He deserves the break.

You’re glad Logan won’t be taking the same plane as the six of you. You wouldn’t be able to handle it- the paranoia, his snide comments, and hell, even just his voice would set you off.

You and Shiv settle across from each other on the plane, her feet propped up in your lap. Roman’s slumped against you, asleep, and you think he’s drooling. Kendall sits across from him, also asleep, neck pillow and sleeping mask on like the sleeping beauty he is.

You sigh contentedly.

If you close your eyes, you can pretend like the threat that is Logan Roy isn’t dangling over your heads.

If you close your eyes, you can pretend like you’re just travelling with your chosen family.

If you close your eyes, you can pretend like you’re at peace.

#turmoil #wambsgansshoelaces #roman roy #roman roy slowburn #roman roy x you #roman roy x reader #succession #succession fic #succession hbo #succession x reader #romantic drama

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weirdly-specific-but-ok · 11 months ago

Note

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

- [ ]

I've let this ask sit in my inbox for a while, but I think it's time I answered it, though the answer will most certainly not be to your satisfaction, anon, I'm afraid.

First off, I'm a bisexual man, and so I definitely don't have any first hand experience of experiencing attraction to only one gender. And in these things, first hand experience is all that matters.

Secondly, as for other species, I have insufficient information about zoological studies in this field, but I don't think it's as simple as you make it sound (this isn't intended to be hostile, I'm just wondering)?

As for the last part, I certainly don't presume to define sexualities as fitting strictly into one of the boxes of culture, identity or inborn orientation. I'm sure that there are more perspectives on this than I can imagine, and I'm equally sure that the experiences of these queer people are valid.

Mainly, the reason I decided to answer this despite it being a non-answer, as you said, is because I do have something to say.

I'm not in the habit of forming opinions of subjects that I have insufficient information about. I know that being seen as neutral is often vilified. I've been in that position, being angry about people's neutrality regarding topics that to me seem obvious. I no longer agree with past-me on that stance.

I would rather not, in my ignorance, cause damage. I think that people with very strong uneducated opinions cause a good deal more harm than those who stay silent in a conflict they know nothing about. Of course this won't be true in all cases.

But personally, I prefer handing the mic over, as it were, to people with more experience, knowledge, sensitivity and perspective about the issue than I.

So, yes, I'll have to go with a very unambiguous lack of an answer here. I simply do not know enough about this, anon. Non-answers, I'm afraid, are going to be inevitable in deeply personal discussions such as these. These non-answers are invariably better than the divisive discourse, invalidation and gatekeeping that occurs a lot.

Let's all be a bit more okay with saying I don't know. I'm trying to be more okay with it every day. I cannot educate myself perfectly about every single relevant topic. I think that's alright. I hope it is.

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haesunflower · 2 years ago

Note

Help now you need to write something about being their English tutor holymoly I’m not going to be able to get this out of my head…

I’m so soft for Jiwoong now I need him

this sent my mind spiraling, so here's a quick lil something

₊˚⊹♡.....pov you're zb1's english teacher.....₊˚⊹♡

good students: hanbin, gunwook, gyuvin

gyuvin is already pretty advanced, but he insists that the more he knows the better

gyuvin consistently turns in THE BEST assignments and does THE BEST in terms of pronunciation/verbal tests

you can tell he studies vocabulary a lot, because he'd mix difficult words in to his everyday speech

hanbin and gunwook study hard too, and i think gunwook is more motivated with competition

like he cant get left behind if gyuvin is doing so well already!!!

i see gunwook and hanbin buying dictionaries, thesauruses, and just general easy english books they can practice reading with

gunwook 100% understands more than he lets on

and hanbin is the exact opposite where people think he's doing much better than he actually is

there for vibes: jiwoong & hao

i think hao shows up for reassurance, (although he says he isn't that good) he can speak english and understand it pretty well but he likes testing himself if he knows everything

i can see him speaking english the whole class duration just to really practice and get compliments on how well he's going

you do compliment hao a lot!

jiwoong doesn't really need the basic english lessons anymore but has to go so it doesn't look suspicious as to why he's suddenly so good

(headcanon bc you're dating him already)

(sigh) read this so it makes sense

but he lovingly stares at you as you talk, literal heart eyes

thinks it's funny that no one knows that you two are together

wants to learn but is easily distracted: taerae & yujin

these two try their best

it's not their fault matthew and ricky are annoying!!

is pranked the most, i see taerae falling for ricky and matthew's bullshit when they teach him stuff like "shitface means handsome in english"

yujin watches all his hyungs and is confused 90% of the time

so he stays quiet and nods, accepting some things as fact without even questioning it

why are you even here?: matthew & ricky

literally shows up on random days just because they're bored

ricky likes to ask dumb questions or just literally stirs the pot

ricky: how do you say "gyuvin is an airhead" in english?

and you're like...well you just said it

and then ricky goes 😏 "exactly lol"

meanwhile matthew asks extremely difficult questions that's not relevant to the current subject matter, just to brag that he's a native speaker lol

matthew, raising his hand: how do you conjugate a verb?

and you're like matthew we're talking about nouns

kinda gets on your nerves for being #1 distractors for taerae and yujin bc they think everything is funny

but in all seriousness, outside class they've very helpful and encouraging, i see them helping out other members with their homework!

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five-rivers · 2 years ago

Text

School Bus in the Ghost Zone

AO3

@jackdaw-sprite @dekalko-mania

Vivid green mists and clouds swirled together in the distance, providing a backdrop for free-floating purple doors and spidery knotworks of impossible architecture. A few tiny, gleaming lights might have been far-off island-cities, anglers, spectral stars, or other, stranger things. Nearer by, occasionally obscuring these sights, was a junkyard's worth of derelict cars.

Danny had seen scenery like this before. On occasion, he had even admired it. Vistas like this one were stunning, powerful, alien. They sparked wonder and curiosity. They sang to his soul that they were home. Or, at least, his core seemed to think that.

At the moment, he was feeling none of that. The principal emotions he was currently experiencing were exasperation, annoyance, and horror. But, then, he'd never viewed the Ghost Zone through the dingy window of a school bus before, either, so that might have something to do with it. The panicking students might have also contributed.

Another person might have been wondering what cosmic entity they had annoyed for something like this to happen to them. Mr. Lancer certainly was, judging by his hunched posture and the trembling of the hands over his face. Danny, however, kept a running list of the godlike beings he had angered, and considered himself an expert on the subject. In his experience, they tended to be more upfront about their intentions.

This was just bad luck.

Which meant that Danny was instead mentally asking why his luck was this bad, and, more to the point, if there was a way to fix it.

"Hey, Danny," said Tucker, nudging Danny's elbow with his own, "are you just about done disassociating? Because I think Dash is about to go Lord of the Flies on Mikey and Ricky. Or maybe it's the other way around. It's kind of hard to tell."

"Yeah," said Danny. "Is that the one with the cannibalism?"

Tucker shrugged. "It wouldn't surprise me."

"Right. Okay. This is fine. I can deal with this."

"I mean," said Sam, leaning over from the other bench with a sort of pinched look on her face, "I think you're the only one who can."

"Gee, thanks, Sam."

Tucker gave him an awkward thumbs up. "You've got this. Hopefully soon. Before there's a murder."

Danny nodded and crawled out over Tucker into the aisle. The whole Lord of the Flies thing was an exaggeration, but it was getting to be a mess.

"Hey!" he shouted. "Hey!" he repeated, putting a little ghostly emphasis into it this time. "Do you want to keep freaking out, or do you want to go home?"

"There's no going anywhere!" said Dash, waving his hands in a broad gesture that stopped just shy of backhanding both Kwan and Dale. "The bus is floating in nothing! There's nowhere to go! The second we step out, we'll drop!"

"And we're out of fuel!" wailed the bus driver, Mr. Kennedy.

"Why are we out of–? Actually, that doesn't matter. First off, gravity doesn't exist in the Zone unless you think it does. Or unless someone else is thinking it does for you."

"Which isn't relevant right now!" interjected Sam.

"Yeah. That gets complicated. Point is, if you left the bus, you'd float. Like the bus is."

A soft ohh rose up from the other students.

"Mr. Fenton," said Mr. Lancer, "are you suggesting we leave the bus and try to travel across the Zone?"

"No, we don't have to leave the bus," said Danny. He really didn't want to attempt to give his classmates the 'how to fly in the Ghost Zone while human one-oh-one' lecture. Which he didn't have. Because he'd never had to do anything like that.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, there are, like, twenty people here. If we expect it to go hard enough, it'll go."

"Are you serious?" asked Mr. Lancer.

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

"But there's no gas!" repeated Mr. Kennedy.

"We were driving just fine half an hour ago!" snapped Star. "What happened to it? Don't tell us you've just been putting your foot down all this time!"

Mr. Kennedy moaned.

"Hey, be nice to him!" said Hannah. "He only just moved here, so he's probably more used to stuff like aliens."

"Oh, god, are there aliens, too?"

"No," said Danny. "No, there are not." Not in Amity Park, anyway.

"There are psychics, though."

"No," repeated Danny. He'd thank her very much not to spread the 'psychic bladder' rumor to yet another person. "Sam, can I have one of your spare folders?"

"Sure," said Sam, rummaging in her backpack for a moment before offering up an empty blue paper folder. "This one okay?"

"Perfect," said Danny. He walked to the front of the bus, scooting sideways past the people who just felt the need to block the aisle even though they had plenty of room in their seats. He opened up the folder and placed it down over the dashboard. “There. Now the gas doesn’t matter.”

“It kind of does.”

“No, it doesn’t.” He turned back to the rest of the bus, hands on his hips. “So, here’s what’s going to happen, we’re going to make the bus go.” He looked at the driver. “And you’ll steer us. And we’ll be able to get wherever we want to go.”

“And,” said the bus driver, “we’ll go where?”

Danny twisted to look out the bus windshield and pointed at a spindly limb of the architecture conglomerate. “There.”

“Why there?” asked Mr. Lancer.

“Looks like the best place to get directions.”

“What?” exploded Dash. “You don’t know where we are? He doesn’t even know where we are? Why are we letting him tell us where to go?”

“Well, Dash,” said Danny, very much put in mind of a similar conversation he’d had with him the previous year, when Youngblood and Ember had kidnapped every adult in town, “have you been here before? Has anyone? Has anyone else even been in the Ghost Zone? And, no, the time the whole city was transplanted doesn’t count. No? No one? Just me, Sam, and Tucker?” He was sort of wondering why Valerie wasn’t speaking up during any of this, but that was a problem for later. “Great. So. Despite having been in the Ghost Zone before, I haven’t been in this particular part. I haven’t even been to every part of the state. This is an entire dimension. That shouldn’t be all that surprising. But, the Fenton Portal is kind of a big thing. I should be able to get directions to it without any trouble.”

There was silence.

“What?” said Danny. “What did I say?”

“What’s the Fenton Portal?” asked Star.

“It’s, well, you know,” said Danny, rubbing the back of his neck. “The portal my parents built. I know, it’s an embarrassing name, but that’s how they name all their stuff.” And it wasn’t even the most embarrassing name.

“And when did this happen?”

“Ages ago,” said Danny. “Summer before freshman year. Shouldn’t this be, like, common knowledge? That’s when the ghosts started showing up, after all.”

More silence.

“Did… did you guys not know about the portal?”

“Are you saying your stupid parents are the reason ghosts started showing up in the first place?” demanded Ricky, leaning over the seat in front of him, fingers gripping the cheap green vinyl like he wanted to tear into someone’s throat, preferably Danny’s.

“Uh,” said Danny, now understanding the danger he was in. “I don’t know…?”

“Let’s just focus on getting home for now,” said Sam. “You can sue the Fentons for reckless endangerment or whatever later.”

Danny glared at her. Sure, that was helpful for now, but later? Later, it would be a problem.

Mr. Lancer cleared his throat. “Mr. Fenton, how do we expect this bus to move?”

“You just… do it. I mean, come on, it’s a vehicle. An automobile. Whatever. It’s supposed to move. That’s it’s whole thing. It’s not like you’re expecting it to fly or anything.”

“We kind of are, though,” said Hannah.

“Hush, you. We’re powering this through vibes.”

“This is just like the Magic School Bus,” said Mikey, excitedly.

“Yeah, sure, whatever floats your bus. Just… Close your eyes and expect to move.”

Danny walked back down the rows of seats. Where had Valerie been sitting? Ah, there she was, staring out the window, hands clenched in her lap. Did she have some kind of Zone-related trauma Danny didn’t know about? It wasn’t like he knew everything she got up to as Red Huntress… He tried, but he just had too many of his own problems to be constantly on guard for hers.

“Valerie?” he said, not too loudly, not wanting to startle her.

She turned her head towards him ever so slowly. At the center of each of her pupils was a tiny, glowing, red triangle.

Valerie, Danny realized, hadn’t been in the Zone since Technus replaced the suit she got from Vlad with something a little more… integrated.

This was a problem.

“Uh,” he said, “you okay?”

“I don’t know,” she said, her hand absently tugging on her scarf.

“Okay,” said Danny. “Okay, um. Are you experiencing any weird urges? Or is it, like, too much sensory input? Or something else?”

“Sensory.”

“Cool, cool,” said Danny. “It’s… Can you…” He lowered his voice. “Can you turn, like, the input on your suit down?”

“I don’t– How do you know about that?”

The air was filled with the sizzling tension of Valerie preparing to call her suit. Or something. Danny didn’t think she’d attack him while he was Fenton - they might be exes, but Danny suspected she missed him in the more conventional sense, and not the marksmanship sense - but who knew what else she’d do while under the influence of… whatever this was.

“Cool,” he said, backing away. “Well, you just work on that.” The bus lurched underfoot.

“Just like the Magic School Bus!”

“I’m going to go up front and direct things,” he said. He looked at Sam and Tucker and tried to make significant eye contact with them. Shouting out that there was something wrong with Valerie felt like a jerk move, so friendship telepathy it was!

He didn’t think it worked.

“Mr. Fenton,” said Mr. Lancer, getting Danny’s attention, “I don’t mean to cast doubt on your judgment, but… Why do you believe we can find directions there? I don’t see any signs of life.”

“Well, you wouldn’t. It’s the Ghost Zone. Get it?”

Mr. Lancer stared blankly at him.

“Man, tough audience.” He shrugged. “I guess I don’t know that anyone is there. But we can just keep going until we do find someone. It’s more polite than opening doors.”

“Polite…?”

“Yeah, I mean, each door leads to a lair, but that’s, like, someone’s private, personal space. Other people aren’t supposed to go in without permission. Ghosts get really touchy about it.”

“What Danny means is that he almost got his head bitten off by an angry toddler,” said Tucker.

“They were definitely bigger than a toddler,” said Danny. “But, yeah, we’re not exactly capable of fighting, so… polite is the way to go.”

“I see,” said Mr. Lancer. “I don’t suppose you have any of your parents’ weapons with you?”

“Mr. Lancer, we were going to the courthouse. You told us there was a metal detector and that we shouldn’t even bring pocket knives.”

“Yes,” said Mr. Lancer, and behind his eyes Danny could see every time his parents had disregarded such simple rules. Loudly. Repeatedly. “Well. I had to ask.”

“I have a pocket knife!” said Dale.

“Iliad and Odyssey, I’m getting too old for this stuff.”

Danny considered patting Mr. Lancer on the shoulder, but decided against it. “So,” he said, “I’m just going to go back to my seat until we get there. Yep.” He shuffled back and crawled back across Tucker to huddle next to the window.

“Okay, how screwed are we, do you think?” asked Tucker.

“I don’t know,” said Danny, quietly, “but I really don’t recognize anything around here. As long as we can get to somewhere I know in a reasonable amount of time, it should be fine, but…” He shrugged. “Infinite Realms. There are no guarantees.” He raised his hands. “I’m not a miracle worker, here.”

“Great,” said Tucker. “At least we came with food. We can leave the cannibal episode for later.”

“I still don’t think that book had any actual cannibalism in it.”

“I think that none of the three of us managed to read that stupid book,” said Danny.

“Mr. Lancer is literally like ten feet away.”

“I think he has bigger problems.”

The bus slowly moved through the floating car graveyard, occasionally bumping into one of them when the bus driver misjudged the distance. Ever so gradually, it pulled up to the side of the architect’s nightmare.

“Okay, Fentonio, now what?”

Danny had sort of hoped a ghost might come out to investigate. They hadn’t. In fact, the place seemed as deserted as the floating junkyard. Which meant that Danny now faced an uncomfortable choice. He could get out and go look for someone, leaving everyone else in the bus without his protection. He could recommend that everyone get out and they could go look for someone together, which would basically be an open invitation for chaos. He could just tell the driver to go somewhere else.

The little lights that could be cities, or stars, or anglers twinkled at him.

Ugh. None of these were good decisions.

“Hey,” said Sam, “beep the horn.”

Or they could do that.

“What?” asked the driver, startled.

“We don’t really want to go out there,” explained Sam. “Which means we need someone to come here. If there is anyone.”

“Yeah,” agreed Danny. “Do that.”

The driver pressed the horn tentatively. They all watched the structures intently for any sign of movement.

Something knocked on the opposite window. Everyone startled badly, rushing away from the unexpected noise.

“Hi, there!” said a ghost in a bathrobe. A plastic duck rested on their head and they held a loofah on a stick like a scepter. “Are you fellas lost or something?”

Danny rushed over to the other side and pulled down the window. “Hi, yeah, we are, a bit. Do you mind giving us directions?”

“Sure! I know this place pretty well. My lair’s just right over there. Trying for the perfect bath, you know?”

Danny nodded solemnly. “Baths are important. But, uh, do you know where the Fenton Portal is from here? The permanent portal to the material plane?”

“Can’t say I know where that is from here. Never been all that much interest to me.”

“How about Elysium? The Far Frozen? Hunter’s Blind? The Time Locked Lands?”

“Woah, woah, kiddo, I can only answer so fast.” The ghost rubbed his chin. “I got some medicinal soaps from the Far Frozen that one time; it’s not too far away from here. Gonna take a moment to really remember, but while I’m thinking, can I ask: why are you up against this old bulldozer job if you’re wanting to get to the Far Frozen?”

“Thanks,” said Danny, relieved, “we were hoping someone could help us in there–” he jerked his head back towards the building mass, “--but I guess not, huh?”

“Oh, no one lives there,” said the ghost. “It’s full of tarantulas.”

“Tarantulas!” shrieked Paulina.

“Don’t worry about it, they’re probably harmless.”

“These ones’re pretty venomous, actually. And huge.”

“The directions, please.”

“Alright, alright. You young whippersnappers, always rushing around like you were still alive. Alright, then. First, you want to follow the Star of the Solemnity.” He pointed at one of the points of light. “After a while, you should see the Arson’s Arcade. Big place. It’s on fire. Hard to miss, even if it isn't on the direct line to the Star of the Solemnity. From there, you can follow the Burning Road to Dis–”

“Isn’t that also on fire?”

“Sure is. Leastwise, it’s hot there. Dis is within spitting distance to the Brass City. From there, you drop through the Steam Curtain to the Boiling Sea. Triple Point is somewhere around there, and that’ll take you to the Lands of Ice, right enough. Far Frozen is in there, somewhere.”

“You call that close?” asked Hannah. “That’s like… at least five different places.”

“Yeah,” said Danny, “maybe, but now I know where we are, and I can get there faster.”

“Oh, no, kiddo. Shortcuts are never worth it.”

“It’s not a shortcut. Besides, I don’t think that any of us would, like, survive going through the steam curtain.”

“Ah, cold cores then, huh? I’ve always preferred warm water myself.”

The problem was more that the Steam Curtain was supposed to be scalding, and all of Danny’s classmates were made of flesh.

(No word on Mr. Lancer, who was occasionally rumored to be a literature-loving robot, or perhaps a vampire.)

“Yeah, something like that. Thank you so much for your directions, they really helped.” It was doubtful that the word ‘help’ was a trigger for the ghost like it was for Danny, but he hoped he got the meaning across regardless.

The ghost’s face crinkled. “No problemo! I needed some time to plan out my next bath, anyway. Good luck getting where you want to go!” The ghost flew away in the general direction of their lair.

“Well, they were nice,” said Danny.

“That’s great, kid,” said Mr. Kennedy, his hands gripped around the wheel so tight that all of his knuckles were completely bloodless. “Now where do we go?”

Danny pointed left, almost ninety degrees from the Star of Solemnity. The ectoplasmic mists were ever so slightly grayer in that direction. “That way.”

“Why, what’s over there?” asked Star.

“Casper High. Probably.” His mental map of the Ghost Zone was very good, at this point. It wasn’t perfect.

“You think the school got sucked in, too?” Dash said, mockingly. “We were miles away.”

“Yeah, I know. But the school has an ectoplasmic mirror because of all the deaths back in the fifties.”

“It’s true,” said Tucker. “There were a whole lot of deaths back in the fifties. Kind of scary. I think I would have just closed the school.” He tapped his lower lip. “In retrospect, though, the way they keep the school open no matter what ghosts throw at it.”

Star frowned. “What if you’re wrong?”

“Then we’ll probably notice before we get there, and we can try the ‘set ourselves on fire’ route.”

“I think we can do without that,” said Mr. Lancer. “Mr. Kennedy, would you–”

“I’m going, I’m going,” said Mr. Kennedy. They began to putter forward.

For the first hour or so of the journey, things were quiet. But the nature of the Time Locked Lands meant that even their outer fringes tended to be well-populated. Ghosts were, after all, the kind of person to whom living in the past appealed the most.

Even more unfortunately, some of those ghosts were people Danny knew.

“Oh my gosh,” said Hannah, pointing out the window, “is that Ember? I love her music!”

“Fans?” Ember smirked, the expression clear even from this distance. “I don’t mind if I do.”

She struck a chord and the bus vibrated.

“Go faster!” shouted Danny, even as half the students started to chant Ember’s name. “Go faster!”

“I can’t!” sobbed Mr. Kennedy.

Danny put his hand against the side of the bus and extended his ghostly aura as far as he could without transforming. He’d done things like this before, with the ecto-skeleton and the thermos, pushing enough of his will into technology to make it do what he wanted.

The bus sped up. But not enough.

“Taking me on a tour? Alright, cool bus, let’s see about a different tune!”

A wave of chilled air passed over Danny, and the other students yelped and squeaked as the metal parts of the bus became painfully cold. The one thing Danny, as an ice core, could counter… He might have been impervious to it, but the others weren’t.

“What now?” yelled the bus driver. “Engines don’t work when it’s this cold!”

Danny thought about yelling at him that the engine didn’t matter, they weren’t even using it, but decided that would probably be counterproductive.

“Valerie!” said Danny. He hated throwing her under the bus (hopefully not literally) but one of the two of them literally had secret government organizations trying to kidnap him to dissect him, and it wasn’t her. If she couldn’t do it, then he’d act. “Do something!”

For a second, he thought she didn’t hear him, too entranced by whatever her suit was doing with the ectoplasm, but then red and black circuits pulsed into being all over her body and suddenly there were guns. A lot of guns.

“Ah,” squeaked Danny, thoroughly intimidated.

Valerie fired through the bus windshield, shattering it into a thousand tiny pieces and blowing Ember far into the distance.

That was the plus side. On the minus side, the bus no longer had a front.

“This is okay,” said Danny as Valerie sat down heavily. “This is okay. Valerie, are you okay?”

“Fine,” she said. “I’m… fine. What… Oh my gosh…”

“Miss Gray,” said Mr. Lancer, “I thought no one had any weapons…”

“Well,” said Valerie, recovering some of her usual sharpness. “It’s not like I advertise that I’m–”

“Red Huntress!” gushed Mikey. “That’s so cool!”

“That’s not my name,” said Valerie.

“It’s not?” asked Mikey.

“It’s not?” asked Danny.

“I’m not a superhero,” said Valerie. “I’m a ghost hunter. I don’t have a code name. That’s stupid.”

“Code names aren’t stupid,” said Danny and Mikey together.

From the expression on Valerie’s face, Danny thought she must be wondering why she’d ever dated him.

But that wasn’t important right now.

“Okay,” he said. “Okay, we’ve got rid of her. No more name chanting.”

“But E–”

Sam slapped her hand over Hannah’s mouth. “No,” she said.

“So, we can just keep going.”

“The front of the bus is gone.”

“Mr. Kennedy, we’re flying.”

“But it’s gone.”

“We weren’t using the engine anyway! You were out of gas!”

This, of course, caused a commotion.

“Listen, do your best to believe we can go,” begged Danny. “Please.”

With that, they limped forward. Slowly. Painfully.

But even at that speed, Sidney Poindexter’s version of Casper High loomed into view, as black and white as ever.

The bus creaked to a stop. And then the wheels fell off.

“Come on,” said Danny, desperately. “Just a little bit further. Please.”

It did not go further.

“The wheels are gone,” said Paulina. “It can’t go without wheels.”

“We weren’t using them,” argued Danny, futilely. “We’re floating.”

It didn’t work. Which left the next option.

“We’re going to have to fly there, then,” he said.

This did not go over well. Danny ignored the protests like they ignored his logic.

“So, Sam and Tucker, can you get the lunches and stuff from the storage underneath? Everyone else, grab your own stuff. Uh… Val? Can you use your hoverboard?”

“Huh?” asked Valerie, blankly.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

Valerie slowly passed a hand over her face.

“I think…” she trailed off.

“Can you, I don’t know, shut the suit off or anything? Or maybe there’s a Ghost Zone mode?”

“No,” said Valerie. “I just need to… calibrate.”

That sounded like a lie, but Danny wasn’t sure how far he should press. “Okay, then. So. Here’s what’s going to happen…” He trailed off, not actually sure what would happen.

Making plans was hard.

“Here’s what’s going to happen,” he tried again, “Sam and Tucker and I are going to…”

“We could try pulling the bus,” said Tucker, “or pushing it.”

“We’re already doing that. We can’t compete with this many Debbie doubters.”

“Isn’t that Debbie downers?”

“I can make it alliterate however I want.”

“You actually used that word correctly,” said Lancer. “Oh, Elements of Style, we’re really in it now…”

“Can we… ferry them over, maybe?” suggested Sam. “One by one?”

“Or maybe we can get everyone to hold hands and we can make a human chain,” said Tucker. “Pull everyone across.”

Star cleared her throat. “Is no one going to mention the creepy monochrome Casper High?”

“Oh, yeah,” said Danny, “that’s where Poindexter hangs out. Sidney Poindexter, you know?”

Hannah perked up. “You mean the school cryptid?”

“He’s a ghost.”

“Evidence suggests–”

“He’s a ghost,” repeated Danny, more forcefully. “Please. I think I like the human chain better.” If they got attacked, Danny could push intangibility through the line in a pinch. “I’ll go first, since I’m the best flier, Sam, you’ve got the end, Tucker…”

“I’ll stabilize people stepping off,” said Tucker.

“Great,” said Danny, walking to the ragged front end of the bus and stepping off. He floated easily, comfortably. “See? Easy. Perfectly safe. Val, you want to come next?”

“No,” said Val. “I think I need to just… Sit here, for a little while.”

“Okay, cool,” said Danny. “Paulina?”

Sam glared at him. Hard.

“Ugh. Fine. You would make an excuse to hold my hand.”

Danny blushed. “If you don’t want to… Uh… Mikey?”

Mikey shook his head vigorously.

“I will go,” said Mr. Lancer. He stepped up to the edge. “This is what a teacher does, this is what a teacher does, this is what a teacher does, they go before their students. This is what a teacher does, they go before their students. This is fine. This is what a teacher does–”

Danny grabbed Mr. Lancer’s elbow and pulled him off. He linked Mr. Lancer’s elbow with his, so neither of them would float off unexpectedly.

“Okay,” he said, “so… Who’s next?”

Very slowly, and with a lot of cajoling, the rest of them lined up until they were a single line of people stretching into the green. They didn’t even get halfway to the school.

“Now what, Fengenius.”

“How do you come up with those amazing nicknames, Dash?” asked Danny.

“It’s my idea anyway,” said Tucker, who had wound up between Sam and Valerie, who was still looking off. “Danny’s going to pull us forward.”

“Yep,” said Danny. “Just think light thoughts, or whatever.”

Again, slowly, because Danny wasn’t sure how hard some of his classmates could hold on, they drifted towards the school. However, unlike the bus, Danny did get there without his wheels falling off. He didn’t even misplace his shoes.

“We made it,” said Mikey, making a show of kissing the ground.

“Now what?” asked Ricky.

“Now,” said Danny, “we see if we can get across here.” He walked up to the doors.

“Is that safe?” asked Mr. Lancer. “This isn’t the real Casper High, after all.”

“It’s real enough,” said Danny. “Just… try not to look like the kind of kid who gets bullied.”

Dash and the other jocks puffed out their chests while Paulina applied a fresh layer of makeup. Problem was, to the shades that resided here, they were all weak and unfashionable. Heck, even Sidney could beat Dash into the ground. Speaking of which…

“Try not to look like bullies, either,” Danny added. “In fact, try and fly under the radar.”

“Maybe we could wait outside,” said Star.

“Uh, in the open?” asked Danny. “Inside, at least we’re in a lair. Ember won’t attack us there.”

Probably. He didn’t know how Ember and Sidney got along.

Sidney’s Casper High looked a lot like the real one. Obviously. Same layout, same crappy lockers, same weird paneling on the walls… It was easier to pick out the differences, like the light fixtures and the handles on the doors. Even the smell was the same. Mostly. It was just a little smokier, a little more citrusy.

It must have been during classes, because the halls were empty. Faint murmurs of sound came from behind classroom doors.

“Hey! You’re supposed to be in– Oh! It’s you, Ph–”

“Fenton, yeah, I know,” said Danny, rubbing the back of his neck and desperately hoping that Sidney got the hint.

Sidney fidgeted with his hall monitor badge for a second before his hands dropped back to his sides. “What are you all doing here?” He asked.

“We fell through a natural portal and got stranded,” said Danny. “I was wondering, hoping, really, that you might have something that can take us back to Amity?”

Poindexter shook his head. “Sorry,” he said, “that mirror was about it, unless you want to try, well… I don’t think you would. It’s kind of long.”

“I don’t know,” said Danny, “I think we might try anything, if it was reliable.”

“Eh, I guess it’s up to you, but sometimes you can get across if you stay in my locker for as long as, you know, I was.”

“You mean when you…”

“Crossed over that first time, yeah.”

“Yeah, okay. We’re not doing that.”

“Didn’t think so.”

“What are you two nerds talking about?” asked Dash.

“Death, mostly,” said Danny. “Please put two and two together. Please.” He turned back to Sidney. “Do you know of any way we could get passage either to the Fenton Portal or the Far Frozen, then?”

“Maybe?” said Sidney. He shrugged. “I’m not really connected, though.”

“I know,” said Danny, “but I can work out things to pay people with, after. I keep my promises.”

“Okay,” said Sidney. “Er, we’re about to have our lunch period, so maybe the rest of you go to the cafeteria, while I show Ph–”

“Fenton.”

“While I show Fenton the dovecote.”

“The what now?”

“The dovecote. For the carrier pigeons?”

Tucker’s mouth was hanging open. “What century are you from? Who uses carrier pigeons?”

“Phones don’t work in the Time Locked Lands! You have to make do!”

There was a loud, ringing sound, and, yep, even the bells were the same.

… When was the last time Casper High had been updated? At all? Yikes.

A mass of teenaged shades poured from the classrooms along with harried looking teachers.

“Just follow them,” said Sidney. “They’ll steer you right. Come on, Danny!”

Sidney pulled him away.

“They will be safe, right?” asked Danny.

“I think so,” said Sidney. “Everything here has been a lot more peaceful since, well, you know. You haven’t been here since then, I guess.”

“Yeah,” said Danny. Funny thing about trauma is that generally you didn’t want to return to where it had happened. Danny was bullied. Sidney had been tormented. “Didn’t think I’d be welcome, I guess.”

Sidney’s eyebrows went up. “No welcome? When you defeated the worst bully of all? When you sealed away Pariah Dark? Of course you’re welcome!”

“Thanks,” said Danny. They came out onto one of the school roofs. Perched on in a corner was a rectangle of color. The dovecote. It was a wooden box a few meters on each side, painted powder blue with gold and green trimmings.

Danny had suspicions.

“Did you… Get this from Dora?” he asked.

Sometimes, with all the weird skin colors, it was hard to tell when a ghost was blushing. Sidney, though, was definitely blushing. A lot.

“Uh,” said Danny, not ready for his guess to return anything but vehement denial. “Good… for you? Congratulations?”

“It’s not like that! She’s just really nice. And she likes the dances the school puts on now and again.” He flew over to the dovecote, still blushing furiously. “But these are from her kingdom, so if I tie one on, it should get to her in just an hour or so.” He smiled. “Better than snail mail, right?”

“Yeah,” said Danny, giving Sidney a thumbs up. “And you’re okay with us just being here?”

“Sure!” said Sidney. “You’ve got to go to classes and all, though.”

Danny blinked. “Is that a joke?”

It was not a joke. Especially not three and a half hours later when they all stumbled out into the courtyard.

“Well,” said Danny kneeling in preparation for laying down and pretending the world didn’t exist, “to be fair to us, all of these people have had fifty years to refine this stuff.”

“I want revenge,” said Hannah. “How do you get revenge on a ghost?”

“You don’t,” said Danny, not wanting to give her any ideas.

Then, something blocked out the meager light from one of the television-static-like strips in the sky. Overhead was a huge, pumpkin-like carriage pulled by scaly, draconic-looking horses. The door swung open, and a set of stairs that went from the door to the carriage to the ground - a distance of over two stories - unfolded. Princess Dora flew out and down the stairs, not touching them even once.

“Oh, Sam,” she said, throwing out her arms. “When I heard you were stranded, I just had to come.” She hugged Sam. Sam, gingerly, hugged her back.

“How are you doing, Dora?” asked Sam as Danny forced himself to get back up on his feet.

“Oh, marvelously. We’ve finally gotten the plumbing to work again since our last course correction put us back in the Time Locked Lands.” She shook her head. “I can’t understand why my brother wanted to stay there, stay in that time. Oh, I know it was for the sake of his power, but, truly, modern things make everything so much more convenient. And how are you, Sir Daniel, Sir Tucker?”

“We’re good,” said Danny.

“Yeah, except for being stranded.”

“There is that. Can you help?”

Dora surveyed the other teenagers. “I believe so,” she said. She looked back up at her carriage, then at the students again, clearly comparing sizes. “I’ll have word sent back for two more carriages, then I can take you to the outskirts of the Far Frozen.”

“Not directly to their village?” asked Danny.

Dora shook her head sadly. “No, no. I’m a hot core. I wouldn’t do well in the Far Frozen, not any more than you would do well in Dis or the Burning Lands.”

“Sure wouldn’t,” said Danny. “Would you believe, someone tried to give us directions through there?”

Dora shook her head. “I’m sure they meant well. Now, where is Sidney?”

“He said something about chess club?”

“Oh, excellent. We can finish our game from last time. It shouldn’t be long until the next carriages come, though, so prepare yourselves.” She floated back up towards the carriage.

“Uh,” said Hannah, “who was that?”

“Princess Dora,” said Danny. “You remember the time we had a beauty pageant at the school? And the organizers turned out to be ghosts? Kidnapped Sam? That whole thing?”

“Vaguely.”

“Well,” said Sam, “Dora’s brother, who we shall not name, was basically forcing her to run that thing. But while I was kidnapped, we bonded, and talked a little about gender equality and praxis. That kind of thing. Then she deposed her brother.”

“Yeah,” said Hannah with a little fist pump. “Feminism.”

“We helped,” said Tucker. “We helped a lot. Did you hear how Danny and I were called sir? We’re knights.”

“Technically.”

“All knights are technically knights.”

“Our position is more ceremonial,” clarified Danny. “A lot more ceremonial.”

“Still knighted. Still knights.”

“So am I,” said Sam. “What’s your point?”

“I don’t know that he has one.”

“We helped! That’s my point!”

Danny shrugged. “It’s okay if she likes Sam better, really.”

“And she’s dating Poindexter?” asked Dash. “When she’s a princess?”

“Yeah, I guess. It’s not, like, official as far as I know. But they like each other.”

After that, well. They were still experiencing massive mental fatigue from Sidney’s classes. No one spoke for a long time.

“Don’t your parents think ghosts are mindless or something?” asked Paulina. “Why is their math so hard if they’re mindless?”

“They’re not mindless, that’s how,” said Danny. “Really simple, that.”

“But the ones we get in Amity–”

“Are the people looking for trouble, usually. You wouldn’t say Phantom is mindless, would you?”

Valerie, who had been lying quietly on the grass, shot straight up. “You never told me how you knew I was ghost hunting,” she said, accusatorily.

“Your first suit didn’t disguise your voice,” said Danny. “Plus, whenever you were after Phantom, you yelled at him about how he ruined your life. Which was why you started dating Tucker that one time. Because you thought Phantom ruined your life, I mean.”

“Which I was totally okay with, by the way,” said Tucker, shooting her two thumbs up. “If you ever change your mind about that breakup, I’m still here and still fine.”

“I’ll pass.”

“So… are you feeling better?”

Valerie shrugged. “I’m… getting used to it,” she said. Which wasn’t really an answer. She laid back down.

If they didn’t get home soon, Danny would have to push it. But not yet.

Dora came back out before too long, a faint flush in her cheeks. “Alright,” she said, clapping her hands together, “I can take you to your portal, now. If you will follow me.” She returned to the stairs, and the class followed.

They were apprehensive about going up them, and Danny didn’t blame them. They didn’t seem terribly stable. But they should know by now that the laws of physics here were different than they were at home. If the flying bus didn’t clue them in and all.

But Danny, Sam, and Tucker didn’t have any such hesitation, and they started up almost at once.

Which made it all the more awkward to get down when Valerie tipped over and started convulsing.

“Stay back, everyone!” said Mr. Lancer, who knelt and turned Valerie on her side. He pulled her scarf off, revealing angry red and black lines creeping up her neck. “Mr. Baxter, give me your jacket.”

Dash stripped it off of himself without objection and tossed it over. Mr. Lancer folded it and put it under her head.

“Does she have fits often?” asked Dora, one hand over her mouth.

“No,” said Mr. Lancer, “she doesn’t.”

“Sam,” said Danny, “I think Casper High had a nurse back then. Do you think–”

“I’m on it,” said Sam, who took off running.

“Um,” said Danny. “We might have to– Um. Dora, which is closer, Technus’s lair or the Far Frozen?”

“Mr. Fenton–”

“The Far Frozen have doctors who can treat humans, and Technus is the one who gave her that tech. One of them will probably be able to help.”

Because he could no longer be sure that just getting back to the real world would fix this. Also, if anyone saw this, the secret government agencies might decide to dissect Valerie after all.

Danny was a horrible friend and a horrible hero. No wonder Valerie broke up with him. Even if that was sort of unrelated.

“Danny!” shouted Sam, jumping down the steps two at a time. An elderly ghost trailed behind her.

“Oh, dear,” said the ghost, passing Sam. “Oh, dear. We can’t really do much for seizures. How long has this been going on?”

“Only… maybe three minutes,” said Mr. Lancer. He wiped sweat away from his face. “Or– Shorter? I don’t know, I haven’t been keeping track.”

“That’s fine, dear,” said the elderly ghost. “Like I said, there’s not much to do about seizures… But she should get to a doctor soon, if this is her first one.”

Before too long, Valerie started to still, the shaking slowing, then stopping.

“Miss Gray? Valerie? Can you hear me?”

“Uhghh,” said Valerie. “Hnmn.”

“Valerie,” said Mr. Lancer, “you just had a seizure. Please, can you hear me?”

Valerie opened eyes that glowed faintly red. “I c’n hear you,” she said. She sat up, slowly, and rubbed her eyes.

“How do you feel?”

Valerie blinked slowly at the ground and didn’t respond.

“Valerie?”

“Hm?”

“How do you feel?”

“... Bad,” said Valerie after a long moment.

“Alright, dear,” said the nurse. “How about you and I get you a change of clothes and your friends and teacher talk about how to get to a doctor.”

“I’ll go with you,” said Sam.

“Me, too,” said Star.

“Dora,” said Danny, “do you know where they are, compared to here?”

“I– Yes. Yes. I do. Technus is closer, I believe, although I’ve only seen his lair once and he’s often away… We can go there, first, and then the Far Frozen. I can even send a messenger to alert them. One moment.” She flew away, to where the carriage’s drivers rested.

“Okay,” said Danny. “We’ll have to help Valerie get in the carriage, but–”

“Mr. Fenton, forgive me, but shouldn’t we return to Amity Park? The doctors there might not know much about ghostly diseases, but they are human doctors. Wouldn’t it be better?”

“You remember the ghost bug?” asked Danny. “Remember what happened then, what happened after. Except it’s just one person who can be disappeared and there’s no cure in sight. You know what I mean?”

Mr. Lancer covered his face with his hands.

“She has to be better before we go back.”

“Alright,” said Mr. Lancer. “We’ll go see this Technus and these Far Frozen people, but… we can’t stay long.”

“Right,” said Danny. There was, after all, everyone else to think of. And ectoplasm wasn’t exactly nutritious for humans. “Of course.”

“I’ve sent the message,” said Dora as she returned. “Hopefully, they will meet us at Technus’s lair, or when we are on our way.”

Valerie and the others came back out. Valerie was walking slowly, dressed in a gray blouse and greyer skirt. They helped her up the stairs into the carriage, and she promptly fell asleep.

Danny worried.

Danny worried as they flew through the green to Technus’s lair. He worried as they parked in front of it. He worried as Technus, frowning and wearing a bathrobe - what was it with ghosts and baths today? - opened his door and came out.

Then he acted.

“Hey!” he shouted, leaning out of the carriage door. “Your stupid suit is making my friend sick! You’d better be able to fix it!”

“Your friend? The shouty girl?”

“Valerie!”

“Yes, yes,” said Technus. “Valerie Gray! Shouldn’t you two be dating? I put a lot of work into that!”

“We broke up,” said Danny. “Fix. It. Or. Else.”

Technus cackled. “Oh, you crack me up, ghost child. Your threats are so tiny and cute.”

“I will end you!”

Technus continued to chortle. “I’ll look at your little friend. Just a friend, hm? Maybe you’ll get back together?” His bathrobe liquified and turned into his usual long white coat. “Move aside, move aside. Hm. That’s interesting.”

“What is?” asked Danny. He gazed at Valerie nervously. She was awake, now… but she hadn’t responded to anything. Not even Technus picking up her arm and dropping it.

“Programming I didn’t put there! I did decide to make it adaptive, but this is really extraordinary.”

“Can you fix it?” asked Danny.

“The technology? Of course! Am I not Technus, master of all things electronic and beeping! And this is electronic! And beeping! But you should bring the girl to your icy friends afterward anyway. I’m not great at bodies.”

“Great,” said Danny, relaxing for the first time since Valerie collapsed. “You fix it, then.” He collapsed into the nearest seat.

“Uh, Danny?” asked Mikey.

“Yeah?”

“Isn’t this one of the guys Phantom fights all the time?”

“Yeah? So what?”

“You were threatening him?”

“So?”

“Hush, children! You’re harshing my vibrations!”

“Don’t question it,” said Danny.

“Yeah, Danny obviously works for the CIA,” said Hannah. “Get with the program.”

“Never insult me like that again,” said Danny.

“CHILDREN, I AM WORKING!”

They fell quiet.

“There,” said Technus after another several minutes passed. “That should do it. It had adjusted to a lower ectoplasm setting, and when you moved to the Zone, one of the filter breaks was overloaded and burned out.”

“Is that it?”

“There were a few other things, but they were no match for I, Technus!”

“Why isn’t she waking up, then?” asked Lancer.

Technus shrugged. “Beats me. That part isn’t electronic. Or beeping. I don’t do chemical reactions.”

That was, Danny knew, a blatant lie. What Technus didn’t do was biology, which was fair enough, honestly.

“Well, thanks,” said Danny. “But we should go, now.”

“Does this mean you won’t chase me down when–”

“Goodbye, Technus.”

Technus slunk out.

“Mr. Fenton,” said Mr. Lancer, “dare I ask why you would chase down a ghost.”

“No,” said Danny.

“No?”

“No.” He got up and sat down between Sam and Tucker. They both gave him incredulous looks. He shrugged at them. He’d panicked. ‘No’ was the best he could come up with. Sue him. This was stressful.

Dora rapped on the wall between the carriage interior and the drivers, and they were off again.

“How long is it to this ‘Far Frozen?’” asked Mr. Lancer.

“A few hours from here, I believe,” said Dora, “but distances can be treacherous here.”

“Is it cold there?” asked Mikey.

“Oh, yes. It’s the coldest place I’ve ever been to. But don’t worry. They have an outpost on one of their satellite islands. It’s quite comfortable there.”

“I didn’t know that,” said Danny.

“Yes, well, it’s my understanding that you and your friends generally fly directly to Iceheart.”

Although everyone’s attention had already been focused on him and Dora, it now sharpened greatly. He sunk down in his seat and focused on not turning invisible.

“You three,” said Mr. Lancer, “how often have you been here.”

“Again,” mumbled Danny, “the portal is in the basement. And there was the time I was kidnapped…”

“The multiple times you were kidnapped,” corrected Sam, hurriedly.

“And the time Sam was kidnapped,” added Tucker. “I avoided being kidnapped.”

“No, you didn’t,” said Danny.

“I thought we agreed that time didn’t count.”

“No, we didn’t.”

“We did.”

Before they could get into a sufficiently distracting ‘yes we did’ versus ‘no we didn’t’ argument, Mr. Lancer intervened.

“Do your parents know about this?”

“We’re teenagers, Mr. Lancer,” said Sam. “We don’t tell our parents anything.”

“Besides, my parents think all ghosts are evil.” Danny shrugged. “I don’t want them to try and hunt down my kidnappers and shoot people like Dora instead.”

“But Dora… Kidnapped Miss Manson.”

“We’re friends, now,” said Sam. “We got over it ages ago.”

“Sam is my very best and very first friend,” said Dora. “We correspond frequently.”

“Ah,” said Mr. Lancer.

“And even Technus isn’t that bad. The catfishing aside.”

“Do I even want to know?”

“Probably not. He plays Doomed, too, you know.”

“Hello the carriage!” called a voice from outside.

“That must be the Far Frozen, coming to meet us,” said Dora.

“Great,” said Danny, opening the door. Sure enough, one of the Far Frozen’s high-tech skimmers was pulling up alongside the carriage as they slowed down. The skimmer pulled a large trailer with a red cross, a rod of Asclepius and other symbols of healthcare emblazoned on its side. “Thank goodness.”

“Are those… yetis?” asked Mr. Lancer faintly.

“Yes!” said Hannah. “I knew bigfoot was real!”

… Danny decided to let her have that one.

“They’re some of the best doctors in the Zone,” said Danny. “They helped me before, too, when I was hurt.”

“Mr. Fenton, I’m becoming more and more concerned about what you get up to outside of school.”

“Sorry,” said Danny. “But it’s Amity Park. I’m sure everyone has some scary stories to tell.”

“Not like that, we don’t,” said Ricky.”

“Yeah, but you don’t have the hell-portal in your basement,” said Tucker. “That changes things!”

There was various muttering, mostly on the theme that the portal shouldn’t exist and Danny’s parents were crazy. They weren’t exactly wrong.

The two Far Frozen doctors approached the carriage, and Danny saw, happily, that Frostbite was one of them. He waved.

“It is good to see you, young one,” said Frostbite. “I understand you have a patient?” He stooped down to peer in through the door. “Can you send them out?”

It took more maneuvering than it probably should have to get Valerie to the door, but they eventually did, and Frostbite had her lie down on a floating stretcher, which they pushed over to the ambulance-cart.

Danny followed, hopping over and hoping none of his classmates would do the same. He was close enough, here, to help if something went wrong, but he’d probably be able to talk to Frostbite a little more freely if it was just him and Valerie.

“This is not something we see very often,” said Frostbite as he scanned Valerie with a wand-like object.

“You know what it is, then?”

“Yes,” said Frostbite, gravely. “It is an affliction of warlocks, sorcerers, and other similar sorts. Too much ectoplasm all at once.”

“What about everyone else?” asked Danny. “They’re all here, and it’s hard to get more ectoplasm than this.” He waved his hands at the Zone.

“As long as they are not consuming it, they should be fine. If your friend here acclimated herself to the amount of ectoplasm more gradually, she, too, would be unharmed. But it appears that the ‘suit’ as Princess Dorathea called it in her dispatch to us, was somewhat designed to absorb ectoplasm to power itself.”

“That… sounds like it should be right. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Not at the moment. We have a solution to the issue, although it may take some time for it to take effect. In the meantime, we can keep heading towards the Far Frozen.”

“Okay,” said Danny. “Should I stay here, or…?”

“Either would be fine, great one.”

“Right,” said Danny. He glanced down at Valerie’s blank face and then away. “Maybe I’ll sit on the skimmer.” That sounded like a good compromise.

Sam and Tucker joined him a minute later, followed shortly thereafter by Dora.

“Lancer keeps muttering to himself about whether or not to call the police when we get back,” said Sam.

“Well,” said Danny, “I guess they do need to do something about the bus. You don’t think Mr. Kennedy will get into trouble for it, do you?”

“No,” said Sam, “I’m more worried about you. And the portal.”

“I can always use Vlad’s if ours gets shut down,” said Danny. “If it can be shut down.” He shrugged. “It… probably should have been shut down right away. It’s not exactly safe, and… maybe fewer ghosts will come through.”

“I don’t know,” said Tucker. “It’s mostly natural portals, these days.”

“Yeah, but maybe they’ll think twice about getting stranded if our portal isn’t there as a backup plan. Right, Dora?”

“It’s possible,” said Dora, “but in my experience, beings like the ones you must often deal with rarely care about consequences.” She shrugged daintily. “My brother, for example.”

“Valerie will be okay, right?” asked Sam.

“Yeah,” said Danny. “That’s what Frostbite said. She just ate too much ectoplasm.”

“What, does her suit absorb it or something?”

“Apparently.”

They watched the zone-scape go by. It grew colder.

“I wonder if they have any extra coats,” said Tucker, shivering.

“I’m sure they do,” said Dora. “Let’s see. On my last visit…” She started to poke around the hatches on the skimmer’s deck. “Ah! Here!” She handed Tucker a garment.

“Is this okay to take?” asked Tucker.

“It’s in your size,” pointed out Dora.

“Good point,” said Tucker. No one in the Far Frozen was Tucker’s size, after all.

“Is there enough for everyone?” asked Danny, going over to help Dora.

“If there isn’t, I do have a few sets of cold gear stored under each carriage, just in case. The Far Frozen’s work is much superior, however.”

Shortly after they distributed the coats, the Far Frozen started to come into view. First, as a pale lavender smear against the green backdrop, and then as a stunning sculpture of sweeping curls of ice, all natural… or imitation natural. There were a few, Danny knew, that had been hollowed out or made larger to serve as watchtowers and other defenses.

After all, for ghosts, the war against Pariah Dark had not been that long ago.

But they did not go directly to the large, glacial island, but to a smaller, rockier one with a stone tower built on it. The skimmer docked at the very top, and more yetis poured out of the inside, carrying various supplies.

“It shouldn’t be much longer until your friend is awake and mobile,” said Frostbite. “I would like to keep her for observation, but we have little in the way of human food at the moment, and I would not like to afflict your other companions with malnutrition.” He paused. “I believe we do have hot chocolate, however. Would you like some?”

“I would like some, if they do not,” said Dora, shivering.

Frostbite looked at her with some concern. “We can start a fire downstairs.”

“No, that’s quite alright,” said Dora. “After all, you and your people are working to preserve a life. I will not sacrifice your comfort for my own.”

“Speaking of comfort, I should probably let the others know we aren’t getting eaten or anything.”

He did. It went about as well as could be expected, which meant that people either didn’t believe him, cast doubt on his experience, and subtly implied that his parents should be in jail. Or not so subtly.

Okay, it wasn’t that bad, but he was tired. He was allowed to exaggerate.

“So, anyway,” said Danny, “all we have to do now is wait. Frostbite said Valerie should be good to go, soon, and then Dora will take us back. No more detours.”

“You seem awfully sure of that.”

“Dora can turn into a dragon. There aren’t a lot of people who would attack her.”

Of course, everyone wanted to know about that.

“Mr. Fenton,” said Mr. Lancer, a few minutes later, “distractions are all very well and good, but you can’t run from reasonable questions forever.”

“I’m not trying to,” said Danny, who was very much trying to.

He was full of lies today! Who would have thought?

“Yeah, you’re just trying to make excuses for your stupid crazy parents who brought all the ghosts to Amity!”

“Hey! They didn’t bring all the ghosts! Spectra was already around!”

“That’s… that’s true,” said Mr. Lancer, “her application had been in for a while…”

“So, there. Y’all’d’ve been killed by Spectra if it weren’t for my parents. So, there.”

“What– What was that word you just used?” asked Mr. Lancer.

“There?”

Mr. Lancer gazed at him with despair.

“What?” asked Danny, looking at Sam and Tucker. “What’d I say?”

“I think it was the southernism that got through. From your aunt, you know.” Tucker shrugged. “Y’all’d’ve.”

“Arkansas isn’t in the south.”

“It totally is.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Is.”

“It’s in the south,” said Mr. Lancer. “I’m going to lie down for a while, I think.”

Mr. Lancer did, in fact, lie down.

“He reminds me of one of my tutors,” said Dora, pleasantly. “He had to retire. UIcers.”

“Cool,” said Danny.

It was only a couple hours later that Frostbite stuck his head in the carriage door.

“Young one,” he said.

They were working hard not to slip and call Danny Phantom or great one. He appreciated that.

“Your young friend, Miss Gray, is awake and aware. If you would help her over, I think that would be for the best. She’s mentioned a hoverboard, but I think that using any of her enhancements would be detrimental at this point in time.”

Danny jumped up and followed Frostbite out of the carriage, crossing the gap between the carriage and the skimmer in a single bound. Which might have been showing off just a little. But he was allowed. He then hopped off the skimmer into the ambulance trailer.

“Hi, Valerie,” he said. “You’re feeling better?”

She was, at least, sitting up, although her shoulders were hunched and she looked very much like she wanted to fight off Frostbite and the other doctor.

“I guess,” she said. Then she turned a truly toxic glare on him. “You. You’re Phantom.”

“Uh, nooooooo?” said Danny.

“Oh my gosh, you are. You suck at lying.”

“No I don’t!”

Valerie stared at him with the same sort of despair as Mr. Lancer.

“Anyway,” said Danny, “I’m here to bring you back to the carriage.”

“I can’t believe you outed me when you could have fought off Ember at any time.”

“Well, maybe I don’t want to be dissected.”

“I don’t want to be dissected either.”

“You probably would have passed out anyway,” said Danny. “That seizure was going to happen, Ember or not.”

“You don’t know that.”

Frostbite cleared his throat. “It probably was. But it is my understanding that the two of you want to return home?”

“Yeah,” said Danny. “Come on, Val, I’ll carry you across, back to the carriage. It’ll be like that time Skulker kidnapped us.”

“You mean, when you overshadowed me.”

“Uh,” said Danny, sweating. “Before that. I carried you before that, right?”

“If you drop me,” said Valerie, “I will shoot you.”

“Noted.”

Danny did not drop Valerie. On the other hand, he did get a lot of weird looks when they came back in. Especially from the jocks.

… Was there something on Danny’s arms? No?

“Thanks, Frostbite,” said Danny. “I really owe you one.” He kind of owed the yetis five thousand or so, but who was counting? Not him.

“It’s nothing, young one. After all, you have helped us in ways we cannot repay so easily.”

There was some muttering among Danny’s classmates that he would probably have to address at some point, but that was a problem for future him. Hopefully, far future him. Because screw that guy. Danny had met him, and he was a real jerk.

“I think we all feel that way,” said Dora. “Will I be seeing you at the regional meeting, Chief Frostbite?”

“Most likely, Princess Dorathea. Good day, to all of you.”

“Regional meeting?” asked Sam.

“There was a great deal of argument about what to call it,” said Dora, “but it is the regular meeting of the various heads of state of this region. It’s something new we’re trying.”

“That sounds great,” said Sam. “Is it like the UN, or…?”

Danny tuned them out as he sat down and leaned his head back against the carriage wall. Finally. They were going home for real. This had been a long day.

The next thing Danny knew, Tucker was shaking him awake. “Huh?” said Danny, eloquently.

“This’s our stop,” said Tucker. “Come on, let’s get out.”

Danny looked around. “No one else is getting out.”

“They want you to jump into the spinny vortex of death first.”

“Oh. Joy,” said Danny. He got up, stretched, cracked his spine really well, and walked to the door. “Dora, I really can’t thank you enough for this.”

“Silly,” said Dora. “Sir Daniel, I meant what I said when you were talking to Chief Frostbite. The three of you have done a lot for us.”

More muttering from the class. Then Paulina stepped forward.

“What did you even do that all of these ghosts like you?”

“It was the feminism!” said Hannah. “Didn’t you listen?”

“I don’t think he brought feminism to the giant ice monsters. Why is it that you suddenly stop being suspicious about things as soon as they aren’t– aren’t crazy conspiracy theories?” She stomped her foot a little.

Danny cleared his throat. “Actually, the feminism thing was Sam. Not me.”

“So why do they like you?”

“My sparkling personality,” said Danny.

“No, that’s actually me,” said Tucker. “And as wonderful as this has been, I kind of want to have my feet on solid ground again. See you, Dora!” Tucker leaped out the door and through the portal.

“Yeah, that’s a plan,” said Danny, also jumping through.

“You know,” said Tucker, as Danny hopped a little, trying to keep his feet underneath him, “I’m kind of surprised that, after everything, your parents still don’t have a reliable door on this thing.”

“Shut up and don’t give anyone any more ideas.”

One by one, the rest of Danny’s classmates came through the portal, until they were all standing in the lab, staring at the mess dazedly.

“Oh, good,” said Mr. Lancer, the last one through. “We’re back. Frankenstein, Mr. Fenton, is this really your basement?”

“The one and only!” lied Danny cheerfully. He was not up to explaining the Fenton Stockades.

“It looks like a disaster waiting to happen.”

“Waiting?” asked Danny, right before cursing his inability to let a quip lie. He was tired. Sue him.

Mr. Lancer stared at him. Danny stared back.

“I’m calling an ambulance for Miss Gray,” he said, “and then CPS for Mr. Fenton.”

#danny phantom #phic phight #phic phight 2023

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