#something is happening inside my brain
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behold, treijei, my new bbg ship
#twst#twisted wonderland#my art#twst jade#twst trey#trey clover#jade leech#treijei#something is happening inside my brain#theres a wheel of ships and whichever it lands is what im going to focus on for the next few post#it just so happened im in the mood for treijei
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consider,,,a lucanis who is in love with emmrich, a spite who is in love with rook, a rook in love with emmrich, and emmrich who is in love with all three but wants lucanis, spite, and rook to get together because he feels he is not the type of man any of them deserve...
bonus points for spite being the one to realize just what sort of love quadrilateral is going on and is the one to get them all together.
#the angst potential alone#if i can convince my brain to write something other than smut i will in fact consider writing this#JUST. THEM BEING SO MESSY.#SPITE REALIZING THAT EMMRICH IS GETTING CLOSER TO LUCANIS TO TRY AND SWAY ROOK INTO FALLING FOR THEM#LUCANIS REALIZING THAT EMMRICH IS IN LOVE WITH ROOK AND DECIDING EMMRICH'S HAPPINESS IS MORE IMPORTANT#SO HE CONSIGNS HIMSELF TO HIS UNHAPPINESS#Rook could also be in love with all three in this scenario but i think it'd be SO FASCINATING for it to be Emmrich!!#Emmrich lamenting that he found the people he loves at a time he believes to be too late#consigning himself to a bachelor's life. he has his studies he has manfred he's content#and then he meets lucanis who is EXACTLY the type of man he fancied as a young man#Someone with so much heart but some rougish charm. appearing cold but so fucking warm under the surface. misunderstood perhaps#the same way he and death are#and so he is smitten. taken by this man and his watchful eye and his steady hands. fascinated by the demon living inside him#the demon who is so curious about this world. who craves to live and understand and emmrich who at his core wants nothing more than to TEAC#and rook. gods emmrich not having the same instant attraction as he did to lucanis but it all hitting him in the chest one night#reckless rook who takes blows they could have dodged to protect him. who always treats his necromancy with respect and curiosity#rook who always reaches out to touch him but stops their hand just shy of making contact. rook who is uncertain but willing to try#rook who is YOUNG and full of possibility and deserves more than whatever shell emmrich believes himself to be#i am just!!!!!!! do you see my VISION#something can happen here!! i'm fucking telling ya'll!!!!!#emmrich volkarin#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age rook#dragon age veilguard#lucanis x emmrich#lucanis x rook#spite x rook#emmrich x rook#emmrich x lucanis#emmrich x rook x lucanis
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from: thirteen by @anna-scribbles
art by me :)
start from the beginning // read the november chapter // read the most recent chapter (january)
hey listen. look me in my eyes. have you read thirteen by anna scribbles. i think you need to read thirteen by anna scribbles. i think if you want your life to be forever changed you need to read thirteen by anna scribbles. i think if you are a person who is breathing and alive you need to read thirteen by anna scribbles. thank you
#thirteen#miraculous ladybug#ml art#emilie agreste#adrien agreste#miraculous ladybug fic#ml fic#ml fic rec#my art#THIS IMAGE HAS BEEN HAUNTING THE INSIDE OF MY BRAIN EVER SINCE I READ THE NOVEMBER CHAPTER BACK IN NOVEMBER#now. listen. in an ideal world i would've done this way back in november but uhhhhhhh i don't know what happened. suddenly it was december#and now it's february! not sure how that happened. anyway my goal is to be making a piece of art for each chapter to convey#just how fucking INSANE this fic makes me feel. like how crazy and insane and awesomely constructed it is. anna just GETSSSS ITTTTTTT#(and is using her 'get it' ability to hurt me bodily)#like with every chapter i read i am just assaulted with this intense desire to Make An Image which is not really an impulse im used to#since i don't draw a ton but anna's voice is just so evocative of images in a way that just. inspires every creative impulse inside of me#i took forever to read the december chapter but the moment i read it i already had an idea of something i wanted to draw for it.#my idea is. well. complex for me to say the least but as i told anna i am determined to make my skills match whatever i need to do because#the way she writes it is literally haunting me it is shooting me with a gun it is so something i have no idea how to handle#except i guess to repeat her themes and ideas and imagery in a collage of sorts#i don't know that's what my october chapter comic felt like- a collage. and this one does too in a way even though it's very different#i just like connecting the dots. and then smashing the dots together in an image#anyway. read thirteen. it is changing me all the way down to the dna
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chapter 8 literally has like 3-4 more paragraphs what am i doing... im sitting at my desk rereading this thing and just staring staring staring like. geniunely have slammed my desk a couple times like a little baby throwing a tantrum <3 <3
#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#sophie speaks#series:www#im getting it done before my birthday#which is in 6 days#im fucking GETTING IT DONE#or im gonna start hitting myself again#not in like an on purpose way btw its just gonna happen the autism demands it#thats probably not still reassuring dont worry guys i have. drugs. perscription ones#thats also not reassuring#anyway#every now and then i remember my life is so unlike the average persons and ive talked about something i definitely shouldnt have#but also isnt it like soooooooooooooooo annoying to have to constantly censor urself#like this is just my daily life its really not that huge a deal...#what was i talking about#right this is making me tear my hair out#biting biting biting i can get it i can do it i can i can i can#god i hate mental blocks its like a maze of them inside my brain and they pop up constantly#i will continue to torture myself gang i am GETTING IT DONE
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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share my love to you. share my heart for you
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#carmen lobcorp#just a quicker one that i did. i was going to originally do anatomy studies or the sort with her but this works too#i think i still might depends on what i have on me . im a few hours away from my room so none of my diagrams or models....#ahh depends. i do have another piece similar to this one ill likely post soon. probably will end up posting older art as i get this whole#anyways i wanted to try to have some aspects added but i didnt quite fully add all of them#the body melting towards and blending into the water like substance tinged red but also the green prominent inside still a little#uhh brain jar reference. yayy..#it isnt quite clear what is happening. she was supposed to be opening herself so the heart could be seen#organs do NOT look like that but in my defence i didnt have connection at the time to look it up#...should i add something for gore or the sort?... uhm#tw: gore
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Thinking about....... Sun Onceler.........
#sometimes the sun is a twink and he loves you and he refuses to leave your brain apparently#he's just so fun! what if instead of knitting thneeds he spins water into clouds! and they can be anything bc they can be any shape!#i realize in hindsight i have a tendency to make characters that embody some aspect of nature and may or may not be a deity lol#so maybe the others could make an appearance! sunler playing a lyre or smth singing about them#the stars and how she knows the fate in the cards#the siblings summer wind and rain#the beast and her orchard#but of course ending with how he's totally cooler and more important than everyone else#and it turns out apollo is not only the god of the sun but also of art and music so it really fits him methinks!#i doubt i could ever pull off running an askblog. however#i like the idea of him causing mischief. oh someone wants this thing to happen? let's make it a game!#keep your friends close from epic comes to mind#i don't have much in the way of story but. there are these two scenes in my head that are SO good#i wanna talk about em so badddd but i don't wanna spoil in case i do something with em#but i will say that one of them is a really really fun reference >:D#and the line “RED IS THE NEW GOLD”#but anyways i think an important part of him is that he loves people. he loves these silly little humans running around more than anything.#because all of this ultimately stems from the idea of the sun missing you when you've been inside for a long time#wanting things to get better for you and being there to celebrate the little victories yknow?#my nonsense
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i am thinking thoughts here please allow me to
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I feel like I need to cry for an extended period of time
#vents !!?#I don't know what the fuck happened!#Something happened and for a while i genuinely did not know where i was or how u got there#took me even longer to come to the realization that this is not My body#(apparently I'm not The Real Will)#(apparently there's a Real me somewhere)#(please note i am still fucked up mentally i think there's some amnesia at play here)#hard reset on everything#for a while I didn't know what a system even was#spent hours reading in hopes of at least snapping back to reality enough to sleep#to no avail!#I still feel So Fucking Weird but I don't know how i could possibly be removed from front at this point#it feels like there are no other guys#maybe they're all quiet because something happened? maybe it was the thing that fucked up my brain?#it hurts oh god my head it fucking hurts but oh well#and I am so fucking hungry but i can't remember our roommate's name and I'm afraid of running into her in the kitchen#the only things i really understand right now are the two phrases endlessly ringing in my head:#“my insides hurt” “I don't like this”#and#to a lesser degree#“I don't understand”#so that's been my night
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I wish i could just take away topics from a fandom. I see too many bad takes on anyas suicide and overdose i wish i could just make nobody discuss it. Stop reiterating the same shitty things people say about suicide and overdoses
#too many posts i see assuming suicide is a selfish act#or even selfless#it is an act. it should be viewed as wholly neutral. its not evil or good#its something. that some people decide to do#it happens#idk. sigh#rough topic obviously but my thoughts have been rattling inside my brain too long
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❗️NEWGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSAN-
#glass animals#honestly i wore out dreamland sm my brain took a lonnng break from expecting anything from them?? idk i’m just huh????#like….. when i say wore out#i cannot describe how much i listened to it#i usually have some vague idea even if it’s a ridiculous number#like 52 times in a month for an album or something (has happened)#i cannot recall w this#gonna say bc 2020 & they were Literally the last band i saw live. next morning everyone found out about everything annd lockdown. no joke#so it was big dreamland time when it dropped and revisiting their past albums when i broke out of its spell lmao#(pretty sure before that like january was when i listened to déjà vu 100+ times in a row tho so oop. it was a tough day lol)#anyway seeing this aww man. i really have had this band with me for a long long time. 🥹 i remember hearing gooey on the radio one night#driving home from work late @ night in 2014. the drive was so short i couldn’t be arsed to fish out my ipod & plug it in#sometimes so just popped on a good station i had preset. started the car and heard this *voice* and i was like who????#had to check the station bc it was an alt station and i thought i had it on another one which was fine i was just v confused#it was in the middle of the song & i was immediately anxious to know the name hoping i’d hear it & it wouldn't just flow into the next song#then the dj would pile the names together after x number of songs played bc i was tiired (but woulda stayed in the car ngl). got lucky &#ran inside to find it then yelled at my roommate the next day that she HAD to listen to it during a smoke session after work#(i was right & it blew her miiind)#god. what a fucking time. what a fucking band. idk what the disc horse is surrounding them now since they blew up via tiktok#i’m sure people are v quick to say they’re overrated bc of that but idk & i’m glad i don’t know. they’ll always be this#highly inventive incredible band i stumbled upon for the perfect night drive home after a long long shift#a band that came back from a Horrible accident that should have ended 1 of their lives & somehow didn’t & should have ended them#as a band (like still cannot believe Joe was drumming in 2020 & i saw it with my own eyes like how tf???!?)#a band deserving of all of its successes. glass animals forever
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what if I stream tonite. for dragon business
#bakuspeech#taking one (1) day break from comm bc my brain was starting to melt outta my ears#and try to figure out some lunar new year stuff instead#it is now a new year and the red envelope duty has come around once again#second year. I drew cats for the niblings last year. its dragons this time around#and since its like 20 red envelopes I can Probably fix up and assemble the myself#I dont. like the idea of buying red envelopes. esp since there will be like A Doller inside lmao#I'd rather use the card envelopes with something scribbled on top rather than buy red envelopes. idk Im a weirdo abt this#but yeah. dragons first. and then I'll see if the shrink film I have is printable#if not I'll do stickers. I still have sticker paper#thats the plan. I'll probs bring up all the shit that happened to or around me in 2023 on stream lmao#and see if my friends are good to hang out on stream with me#okay. alright. uhhh probs I'll try and be live at 8pm (in 3hrs)? been a slow day Ive done nothing but walking very slowly around the house#mmm. have a good day guys. perhaps see u on stream. lets have fun
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this is a bit of deep lumi lore that no one asked for but
going through law school has really deluded me into thinking that I can achieve anything I put my mind to, as long as I keep on doing it, which is just…not…true
#but tell my brain that#I’ll think of something impossible and be like eh not going to happen#and then the demon inside me is like but is this really harder than EU law
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Saw this outside a local United Church the other day and my AUDHD brain IMMEDIATELY started to play 🎶 INSIDE OF EVERY DEMON IS A RAAAAAINBOW 🎶 on repeat 😅
#we’re all a rainbow#hazbin hotel#inside of every demon is a rainbow#vivzieverse#audhd#actually audhd#strictly something that happened in my AUDHD brain#not any kind of offense intended#I legit love everyone#my favourite colour is a rainbow
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i’m just now getting around to watching the trailer for tybw cour 3 and . . . . . .
#ʬʬ.sosa speaks.com#everyone looks so delectable i can’t even#cant function#i squealed many many times in like 1-2 minutes#but aizen . . . . . . .#and ichigo . . .#something indescribable happened inside me when he flashed on screen for .79 seconds#free my man aizen the kids miss their daddy at home#we’re tired of them prison phone calls#i love having a bleach brain rot <3
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Need somebody to bonk me on the head. Vent in the tags. They get off topic and its all not great so idk
#briefly started romanticizing cults#what i /want/ is community and support and a unshakable feeling of love#it just sort of turned into well if i joined a cult i could feel that way since its sort of baked into things and ive done the religious#trauma before so i could tottttaaallly handle that again so maybe i could join something like that and feel like im part of something??? idk#i know all the bad stuff and its not good and theres a lot of caviots and stuff and theres not one that would accommodate my beliefs which#is /why/ these cult things wouldnt work well for me#anyways im.unwell.#we've all been sort of getting flashbacks to our previous relationship and like. that put a lot of awful thoughts in my brain but i dont#think sharing would be a great idea. its all very bad and i wouldnt want to burden other people with this just. list. of awful things that#have happened to us but its hard#living inside that while trying to do everything#the mundane tasks arent helping really i guess. i dont know. its been a couple days of this
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