#something and ''hadnt realised it was a joke''

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

.

[alwayssunnyinhawkins]

Here's some messages I sent to 🎀 on Friday after college, because I can't stop thinking about it:

Not to be the most insufferable person in the world right now, but I once again/am still feeling crazy about the [*redacted*] thing. Because today when we went to the shops together basically the second we were alone he was asking how I am because, according to what he's noticed, I'm acting off today, that I seem sadder/not as happy and bubbly, that my mannerisms are different than normal. And like. ???

1) that's sweet of him to ask no matter the connotations, even though there wasn't anything wrong. And 2) like. He pays *that* much attention to me?? What I'm guessing he's noticed is that I'm trying to be less active in starting conversations with him the past few days, but even then I've still spoken to him a decent amount. And yet ? He's noticed. ALREADY. AFTER TWO. DAYS.

Lobotomize me.

I'm in need of either validation or you telling me I'm overthinking it - just your unbiased opinion

no no you aren't overthinking, that's crazy

That's what I'm saying‼️ like ???

[mythicmanuscripts]

Sorry if this is a vague request but I desperately need more of subAemond mistakes praise for mocking. I never considered it before but it's so in character.

That is one of those thoughts that when i came up with it, I thought it was something I should have realised ages because it truly does work so well.

Since you didn’t ask for a specific request or scenario, I’m just gonna babble on about this concept while also mentioning sub!aemond. This has no NSFW themes or undertones so no cut :))

So firstly, this is something they definitely stems from his childhood. Not only was he always getting teased and made fun of, but then they also started using lies to do it too. There were so many times when someone compliments Aemond only for him to discover it was all a joke and he was being made fun of.

So when he marries you and the first thing you do is to tell him his eyes are pretty. He’s immediately thinks you're making fun of him. He wonders if someone had already told you how the rest of his family views him. He knows he's the second son, he knows he's always had to prove himself, but he had hoped that at least his wife would be on his own, or at the very least not taunt him.

Of course you had indeed heard of him before the wedding, and you had multiple meetings with Allicent. You know most of the people in the kingdom are afraid of him, but you promise yourself that you won't go into it with preconceived notions.

You want to get to know him yourself, not to follow what everyone else thinks.

This is the first thing that really shocks Aemond. Aemond can't remember the last time he met someone who hadnt already decided what they felt about him and once he realises you truly don't have any agendas and you just want to make this work, he really starts to enjoy spending time with you?

But even then, he still does a double take every time you compliment him. For a while he he tries to hide how much it affects him by just thanking you and immediately moving on but you know something has to be bothering him so you start to ask more questions about it.

That's when he admits that he doesn't know what to think about how nice you are to him. He actually asks you what you want? He can't comprehend someone saying those things without having a goal.

When he asks this, you go quiet for ambient then just say, "I want you to be happy."

Which... he stood absolutely no chance after hearing that and immediately dissolved into tears.

[cy-cyborg]

I'm getting a little tierd of the idea because amputees get more representation in media, it means rep for our disability is better and we "have enough"

People are right, we do have way more rep than really any other disability, im not going to deny that, and ive joked before about how often people write amputees without even realising it. So you would think, by sheer numbers, we should have at least some good representation, but by-and-large that is not the case. Legitimatly, the closest example I can think of to point to of good amputee rep is Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood and even that uses multiple tropes I hate (the miracle cure/quest for the miracle cure, the almost perfect prosthetic replacement/forgetting the chatacter is an amputee until it breaks or needs repairs, refusal to call prosthetics, "prosthetics" (automail), the amputee who can't do anything without a prosthetic) and they call Ed a slur for another disability (m*dget) CONSTANTLY. I love fmab deeply, it legitimatly helped me feel seen and represented as a childhood amputee in a way no other show has even come close to, and when it gets it right, it gets it really right, but it's also very far from great and should not be the best example I can think of. Especially nearly 15 years after it released...

A big part of the reason why I don't read many books anymore is because of the sheer amount of books with downright offensively bad amputee rep, some of which were touted as good by people with other disabilities and were recommended to me as good examples. others times, I wasn't even looking for books with amputee/disability rep, it just popped up. It has ruined one of my childhood hobbies for me. Ive tried to get back into reading again as an adult but it hasn't gotten better in that time i was away. I was kicked out of 3 different scifi writing groups on facebook and reddit for asking people to remember "cybernetic enhancement" users are amputees - a real group of people, and maybe debating weather or not we're less human isnt great, and for pointing out seeing those discussions every day was making me feel pretty unwelcome in that space (yes i know, "real" cyberpunk isnt trying to say that, i had to turn notifications off on my post about the topic, it doesnt change the fact that newer creators in the genre dont seem to get that bit, that ive seen cyberpunk writers in these spaces say that debating weather people who loose more parts of their body were less human was, in fact, their intent but they hadnt even considered the fact this made their chatacters amputees, it doesnt change the fact that these tropes, intentionally or not, help make those spaces hostile for disabled fans/creators, especially amputees).

But yeah, I should be thankful I get more rep than other disabilities, no matter the quality, right?

It doesn't just stop at being me being made uncomfortable, though. The sheer, overwhelming amount of amputee chatacters with "perfect prosthetics" has had a noticeable impact on how we are perceived irl. In my lifetime, the general idea people have about multi-limbed amputees in particular has gone from "literally the worst thing that can happen to a person and the worst disability to have" to "is it even a disability? The prosthetic fixes it". These are both wildly untrue and harmful ideas about my disability that were both perpetuated by media, but now that the second one is taking root, it's causing real problems. I have not been shy in talking about how I have to fight to maintain my NDIS funding every time I get something done with my prosthetics, and had to get my prosthetist to sign off, twice, that my fancy prosthetic knee that costs the same as a higher-end new car ($125,000 AUD) is not, in fact a cure and I still need help with other things. It took me nearly 2 years to get a new wheelchair because they didn't understand why I needed it if I had the prosthetics - which to be honest, is not comfortable for me to wear, let alone use all day every day. Guys this isn't just assholes on the street or on twitter saying dumb shit, it's the people in the government body who decide how much funding I get to help with my disability who beleive it. People who have very real control over my life. It's not entirely the media's fault, but when the sheer, overwhelming majority of representation for people like me confirms that belief, it's hard to ignore the possibility that these portrayals are contributing to it, you know?

Which makes it so frustrating when I come on here and see other disability writing advice blogs saying to not write amputees because they have so much representation already. We do, I can acknowledge that, but the vast, vast majority of it is shit, and no one, not even other disabled people, are listening to us about it. And what makes it even worse, is the people they're advising to not writing amputees are the creators who care enough to be doing the research. They're the ones willing to listen, to ask questions. They could be the start of the positive change. But instead they're advised to not even bother with us.

And don't get me wrong, other disabilities ARE under-represented. There are so many disabilities, including some I have myself, that I've never seen represented as anything other than the butt of a joke. There does need to be more reprentation of disabilities other than amputation and limb differences. 100%! but can you please talk about that without saying "amputees have enough"

This isn't even touching on how amputees/people with limb differences who dont/cant use prosthetics, or even folks who use prosthetics sometimes but not others, are almost never represented unless it's for pitty-porn, or how the non-fictional media's (news outlets, etc) portrayal of amputees in particular is used to justify hurting very real, very vunderable people but this rant is long enough and honestly, ive got enough thoughts to make whole other posts on those subjects. That second one in particular deserves its own (more thought-out) spotlight and shouldn't be a footnote in a frustrated rant post lol.

[tiredcowboyy]

the return of the two kings

It takes 1500 years for it to finally happen and its not in the way merlin thought it would. He thought Arthur would return, but when a man that looks exactly like arthur sits beside merlin in his political science class, well merlin realises that reincarnation wasn’t completely off the table.

Merlin introduces himself on the 3rd class, the first two spent of him subtly studying arthur, his face, his mannerisms, trying to figure out if it was really him, though when he heard the voice and name any doubt was swept away.

From that point on they quickly grew as friends. Merlin wasnt really sure what to do, he was told arthur would return when the world needed him, but nothing about if he was reborn again with no memories of his past reign whatsoever.

It stresses merlin out for a while, he constantly was on edge for any world changing dangers, however after a while he just accepted that maybe there was no reason. Arthur was just born again and he should appreciate that.

They quickly grew close, becoming the best of friends and eventually roommates and merlin couldnt have been happier, content with have the blonde back in his life.

Until one day he gets this urge to walk near the lake of avalon again, something hes not felt like doing since he found arthur again. But he does, distantly thinking it was around this time of year he had lost his king all those years ago. So he goes, the sun still rising as he begins his usual route around the lake. He takes it in, smiling at how much life has changed since he last took this walk.

He was distracted so you cant blame him for how much he was caught off guard, really that wasnt his fault.

“Merlin?”

Despite what anyone who saw would say Merlin did not let out a scream.

He spins around and comes face to face with his best friend, his roommate, his destiny walking out of the lake soaking wet.

“Arthur? What are you doing here? And why are you in the lake? I-“

He pauses, the air ripped out of his lungs as he realises what hes actually looking at. Something was different. Something was wrong. Because this arthur wasnt wearing his usual jeans and jumper, his hair wasn’t slightly too long because hes been too busy with work to get it cut, he wasnt making some joke about merlins poor coffee making skills.

He was wearing chainmail and armour, a sword in his hand one that merlin hadnt seen since that day.

This wasnt the same arthur he left at home this morning, the same arthur who was too busy watching last nights football on catchup to make fun of merlin burning his toast, the same arthur who he has lived with for 6 years and thought was his arthur.

No, this was the same arthur that he held in his arms as he thanked him and took his final breath.

Merlin doesnt know what kind of sick game the world is playing on him but that doesnt matter,

Because now theres two Arthur Pendragons gracing this earth and merlin doesn’t think hes quite as cut out for this destiny thing as he thought he was.

[s0apmactav1sh]

More crappy thoughs coming from me.

Teenage!Simon Riley edition. With Bestfriend older brother troupe >:} (Reader is aged around 15 to 23.)

^ by this I mean simon from the ages 12 to around 20 and these are just silly things from my brain nothing got to do with his character in the game.

-Teenage!Simon who became bestfriends with your little brother pretty quick. The two stuck to each others hips. They were a do or die type friendship. If one done something the other had to follow. And that just meant you were often forced to go with them to make sure neither got hurt because god forbid that happens.

-Teenage!Simon whos only a three years younger than you and yet you still treat him like a little kid each time you see him. Acting as if hes more like your little brother than anything else. And it just made sense that when he got picked on it was you who was getting suspended from school for beating up his bullies.

Teenage!Simon who started coming over less and less after your brother got a girlfriend. Meaning your mam was pestering your brother and you on why her favourite adopted son hadnt been over in a while. To which you cant answer and neither can your brother because hes a little shit.

-cut to your 18th. Finally able to drink and guess who shows up at the door right before midnight completely drenched. Yuppp Simon. No one was home and you couldnt just leave him out in the rain. So you took him in, giving him clothes your brother refused to wear in replace of his wet ones because you also dont want to get killed over wet floors by your mam

-Teenage!Simon who finally realises that you were technically the 'better' brother. In the sense you actually stuck up for him, made sure he was fine and wasnt being bothered. And you even looked after him each time he showed up knocking on your window because he ran away from his house. You done more than your brother ever did.

-Simon who tries confessing to you when hes 16 and your 19. Only to be rejected by you because you didnt want to be accused of anything and because it was wrong from him to even think of you that way (internalized homophobia guys it happens :( to the best of us anyways)

-Simon who has to quite literallu chase you to get you to talk to him during school. You may not talk to him anymore but you still made sure he wasnt being picked on. He was still your brothers bestfriend. And even if he didnt need it, youd given yourself the role of protecting him from bullies in and out of school.

-You who lands yourself in jail after beating a 18 year old for the simple reason on the fact he was trying to get simon jumped. And word got around to you quickly even if you no longer were in school and were a second year in college. But hey it wasnt your fault he didnt think before he spoke.

-you who got out exactly 3 days before simon turned 18, meaning youd be around to celebrate with him (that was if you ever stopped getting phone calls from your mam giving out over you being locked away for 6 months.)

-Simon who makes the joke that he's technically legal and its not wrong for the two of you to date. But even then you fele icky over the fact that he may be wasting time on you when he could find someone way better.

-you who only accepts to go out with him because he seemed so determined. You guys spending the next 2 years together until he tells you he thinks he wants to join the military and see where that goes.

-you who are fully with him and even help him enlist. Not knowing that you'd lose touch only a year after he was gone. And then for it to carry on for the next 18 years. Until you spot him back in town with 3 other men you have no idea who they are but hey he's back and safe.

-Simon who doesnt remember a thing about his home town other than the fact that he still had a home to return to even if it wasnt his. And is all too surprised to see its not your mam or brother living there. Its you. And everything is awkward even when you tell him is find for him to stay. All he needed to do was stay away from your room and the garage during certain hours during the day.

-Price, Gaz and Soap being able to just sense the tension between the two of you. But not being able to pinpoint what it is exactly about you that has simon so on edge. Until it finally clicks when they see the pin board hanging in the hallway with a picture of you simon and another boy that looks like a younger version of yourself all standing at the bank of a river.

-them trying to stick ye in rooms together to get ye to reconnect but the flame that was once there is gone. And not an ember that remains to spark it up again. Even if you try.

I havent writen in so long and i needed to write something to get over my writers block so have this and enjoy. Ima try write a small fic to go along with this.

[kindred-spirit-93]

EXAM HAS BEEN DELAYED!! till like sunday but still.

heres whats been in the works ft. the ocs that live in my head rent and royalty free. might post darkfic hilal content later tonight too >:)

Strangers in the night

he lied when he said he was going to the pharmacy. he had restocked bandages and antiseptic ages ago and probably wouldnt need to set foot in one for at least a decade to come. he just needed to breathe.

it had maybe started around dinner, a sudden feeling of suffocation like someone was holding a pillow to his face. and slight indigestion. armund had out done himself this time and he was quite proud. he didnt dare mention it lest he think he had somehow messed up.

excusing himself he grabbed something off the rack by the door and left without another word. he cursed himself for it afterwards due to the piercing cold and light fabric of his rain coat.

he hated lying to his dove, which was ironic because he couldnt recall a time he hadnt told him some sort of falsehood, so he took a path that lead to the pharmacy to get it off his conscious. it wasnt much, but it was the small things that seemed to matter the most. very annoying.

he took a long hard look at the neon lights, as if proving to himself that he had been completely honest and not at all lying to his son. nope, not at all. he was an upstanding citizen of which the nasty streets of these parts never saw. he frowned a little. he was a good person at heart. if i had one he thought glumly. have. had. was there a difference?

was it his fault he had become what he now was? tearing away his eyes from the lights he resumed his walk at a somewhat brisk pace. whatever had lodged itself in his throat earlier that evening was indeed remedied by the fresh air. it was quite sharp when he opened the door. better head back before i catch something a small voice in his head suggested unconvincingly.

his feet however didnt oblige and continued down a path less illuminated. luc didnt realise he had strayed away from the well lit street he was on until much later. his frown deepened. how did he get here? was i that deep in my head? looking around he didnt recognise where he was. the lack of lighting was unsetteling but not anything he wasnt used to.

the dark was an ally of his you see. in the shadows lurk all that we cannot, or wish not, to comprehend and face. it was quite poetic almost to think that his namesake was once a being of light, shunned to the dark. and the dark welcomed him. made him their leader. living under his reign of terror as beings of the night. night. night...

it was late. they had a late night dinner and it was late. worse it was new years eve and all sorts of shady people roam these streets looking for some weak creature to set their fangs in at the best of times, tonight drunken scuffles would break out and the last thing he needed was another gunshot anywhere on his being.

theo hated seeing him hurt he thought softly. he hadnt noticed the light rain that began to fall. he was too busy thinking of his little dove waiting for him at home. home. it was home was it not where one was with loved ones was it not? he blinked. had armund spiked the food with something? what was all this sentimentality? disgusting.

he was going soft at his old age he joked to himself, features easing as he recognised the familiar sign of a deli around the corner of his home. it could barely be called one if he was honest. nothing about it was cosy or inviting, save maybe the blankets he and theo would huddle underneath when he was younger. the corners of his mouth twitched this time and he allowed himself a small smile.

his throat threatened to close once more for mysterious reasons when he suddenly found himself face to face with the wet cobblestone of the road. he barely had a second to register what had happened before he heard bullets being fired. fuck.

just what he was missing on this fine evening. he never left the house without a knife on him, a small one he hid in a holster theo had drawn a flower on, but todays romantic stroll under the rain wasnt planned. for some reason he was unable to flip himself on his back. tasting iron he raised his head slightly and stared at the river of red pooling around him.

if it was the adrenaline, the blood loss, or something entirely different hed never know, but it took him embarassingly long to realise that no one had spilled wine on the pavement, and that in fact it was his own blood staining the ground beneath him. when he did manage to get himself back on his feet he was knocked back down though this time he was on his back. and if he didnt know better hed say a vampire had tackled him to the ground.

the clarity was slowly but surely returning to him. his left shoulder was now starting to burn and he could feel his blood vessels make up for their fallen brethren, and the feel of the cold hard ground beneath him was starting to get on his nerves. scowling at the figure hovering on top of him, he wriggled and tried to assess his situation. the call of his name, his birth name, made the air in his lungs momentarily leave. then the life force slowly seeping out of him crashed right back in and with a vengenace.

his neck snapped to glare at the stranger who fittingly winced under the hellish gaze of hell on earths leader. the fuckwad wasnt even pinning him down properly. what is wrong with people these days? had they no dignity? pulling himself out of his thoughts, he kicked the stranger in the groin with as much force as he could muster and lost no time pulling his knees to his chest and shoving him off while he gasped in shock and pain. the idiot then did nothing. nothing.

now on his knees, panting from the sudden burst of exertion, and slightly light headed, luc snapped of his necklace and pressed to the offenders neck. it was an inverted cross, metal but not sharp enough to do enough harm, but they didnt know that. he knew more than anyone that confidence was very convincing, what with his line of work. and he can be very persuasive.

he was now able to get a better look at his would be murderer or whatever if he wasnt such a fucking pathetic excuse of a human being. he wasnt even trying. he wasnt even trying. what the fuck?! in any case the fucker who had long dark hair wet with a mixture of sweat and rain was unnervingly still despite lucs hand being around his throat while the other was slowly digging with the cross into the pale flesh of his skin.

luc couldnt shake of the feeling that this was somehow familiar to him. the strangers face was facing away from him so he couldnt exactly make out his features, but he was clearly much taller and stronger than him; he was pinning him down with a knee pressed into his shoulder and the other squarely above his heart. he meant to ask who the fuck he was and what he wanted, the whole nine yards, but the words died in his throat. he knew he didnt have much left before his left arm gave out. he could avoid hypovolemia only so many times.

he pressed the metal further into the assailants neck to force himself to stay conscious till he drew blood. and then he chuckled. the audacity. luc would be lying if he said he wasnt starting to feel on edge. fuckass was laughing at him and his heart was pounding in his ears still. tonight wasnt going to end well.

"fuck you" was the only thing luc managed. short and sweet. he made sure to spit it with as much venom he could. and the dark haired stranger let out another chuckle.

"if you wanted me dead you would have killed me already. whats the hold up?" well he wasnt wrong he thought, seething. the faster he got rid of the dipshit the better, but he still didnt figure out who he was or how he knew his name. could this all be a very very badly times coencidence and nothing more? stranger things have happened.

his thoughts were ricocheting off of each other and his head was filling with useless shit. what the hell was wrong with him tonight? and the smirk. bastard. the smirk was making whatever blood still in his system boil. finally, what seemed to be an eternity later, tall dark and fucking incompetent craned his neck and turned to look at luc

"havent you recognised me yet old man?" dick. i still had no idea who he was, but my subconscious was starting to put 2 and 2 together.

"were the same age fuckass." any moment now i could feel it. on the tip of my tongue. come on. so close

"i wear it better." he grinned and something in my chest stopped, skipped a beat, and dropped all together. how? when? why? who?

lucs eyes widened, and the strangers grin broadened. "missed me?" he asked. the fucking nerve on this man was unreal. old habits die hard i suppose. good thing too. he could no longer keep his eyes open.

falling to the cold ground for the third time that same evening, luc never felt so ridiculous in his life. there was no fucking way in fucking hell his unspoken dying words were going to be the name of his ex.

frankly he couldnt come up with something more pathetic if he tried. if this was it he was going cursing him till his ears bled from the profanities. there was no gracious way to go about bleeding out in your exs arms. he was cornered. fuck.

despite everything he called out to him. barely above a whisper. the reply was somehow even quieter, but to his own ears it could be heard on the other side of the country.

"right here".

a last stupid thought crossed his mind. biting his lip luc muttered something that made titi snort and bonk his head with his own. smiling slightly, he knew hed be fine. he closed his eyes.

"thats what you said."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

heres a mercy doodle to make up for my atrocious everything <3

will picked her the flower :')

all rights reserved to @sunshines-child lol. serotonin is one hell of a drug lemme tell u

i got sidetracked like 17 times writing this. like it was supposed to be 2 paragraphs but my brain was like lol nope. gotta set the scene. jerk

also, not proofread. i have no idea if the tenses and pronouns make any sense. rip my last braincell. idk its whatever. for the wiggles :D

also also, this is not at all what i had in mind. purely off the top of my head. w i l d.

[my-castles-crumbling]

okay so hi..

um ive seen people do this so ig im going to as well.

basically i and my gf (she/her) have been in a relationship for nearly 6 months (6 in two weeks). we're both 19.

we met through my bsf and her bsf dating and now we are (i had the biggest crush on her but genuinely didnt think she'd give me a chance).

ive had pretty bad luck in relationships before and they never lasted more than 3 or 4 months mainly due to the fact that im asexual and btoh previous oartners just assumed they could change me (???) but she genuinely understood and went out of her way to make me comfortable and make it known that nothing will be demanded of me more than that which i can give.

from the beginning of the relationship, ive made some rules very clear which are like my no nonsense ones, like i wont tolerate them usually at all.

one of them being not making me purposefully uncomfortable and the main big one is not yelling/shouting, especially at me. (i have past trauma from my parents and it has in the oast made me shut down completely for days at a time, only getting up to feed my cat)

on one of our beginning dates i mentioned this really nice and sorta expensive restaurant that ive always wanted to try but reservations are really hard to get.

she joked saying that oh id love to go with hou ehicb i laughed at but was mildly excited about.

so i got the reservation for yesterday, i made the reservation for two.

last month i told my girlfriend that i have finally got the reservation and would like to go with her, told her the dates and time and everything and she seemed genuinely excited to go with me.

now last week i confirmed her availability again, and asked her what colored dress she was wearing so i could match it with my clothes and we decided on a color etc and also to get ready at my place because her bsf has their family over so shes will be staying with me for 2 weeks.

now, yesterday, after i was done with my work i went to the living room just to well see her and hug her cz i missed her a bit since i hadnt really seen her in about 5 hours (i was working). when i knocked at her door, she opened it and was ready with a dress (not the color we agreed on), her purse laying in the background as she greeted me with a big smile and kiss (on the cheek).

i asked her isnt she ready a bit early and she just looked at me confusedly and said no i hve to meet R (her friend) at 4:30 so im just on time.

i asked why and where she's going just to know if she'd be back and she said that theyre going to the mall and then to the movies because R is leaving in 3 days to go on vacation so they want to spend some time togetehr.

i smiled and wished her luck, i thiught that maybe i got the day wrong but i hadnt and i was actually really sad because all my life, everyone in my family would repeatedly just forget about my plans and my shit for others' and she knew abt that.

but anyways, so i decided to still go and i took this really lovely lady, who's homeless but i buy her a meal everyday and take her out to lunch once a week. (shes like in her 30s btw)

we had a lovely time and the food was divine, i even helped the lady get ready in a changing room.

but anyways on my way home i realised i had 3 missed calls from my girlfriend and a text that just said.

we need to talk as soon as you get home.

the moment j entered my apartment, she just started to yell at me about how much of a piece of shit i am, how people forget and its not a big deal, how im an arse, how not everything is supposed to be about me, and could i possibly imagine how she felt coming back to an empty apartment, she thought something had happened to me.

that is not the order she sais everything in but someway through my breathing started to get extraordinarily fast and i coukd feel my vision getting blurry.

i said sorry to her, or i think(?) i cant really remember stuff when i get panic attacks like this. i took my cat and went to my room.

it took quite a while for my cat to calm me down bur she was able to in the end.

this morning, i made breakfast for her and since i have today off from uni i decided to go to my job (i work part-time remote but can come and go to the iffice if i wish)

its my break rn and im thinking about it, maybe it wasnt a big deal? maybe i should have reminded her again but like idk it was a pretty big thing for me.

i feel bad, i feel like i made a mountain out if a molehill and shouldve just apologised properly and explained to her that its okay and that it wasnt that big of a deal.

i dont knwo?

i wanted some advice because i truly feel very strongly for her and shes the only relationship ive had in which i feel valued and had zero self doubt (up until yesterday)

im sorry it was so long, and thank you for your help.

Hi!!

Okay so...this is hard because, I don't know if either of you are to blame, here. Your girlfriend wasn't great for forgetting, but then I was wondering why you didn't say anything? But then she was shit for yelling later....

I'm wondering if this is the first time this has happened? It sounds like a lack of communication, you know? I think you guys really need to sit down and discuss how you were both feeling. But if this becomes a pattern, especially your girlfriend yelling, I would think more about the relationship.

Keep me updated! I'm naming you orange anon.

[pjisskullourful]

I was re reading the fic today after you posted the new chapter/drabble (because I really like the writing/characters and I’m invested, smut or not) and I was wondering…since we already know what they thought of YN I’d love to know of damithan’s first impressions of each other and because they were so young, extremely different from eachother what do you think made Damiano see Ethan as a potential love interest—when did he realise he liked ethan? 👀

🥰🥰🥰honestly yay, cant believe i have something people wanna read more than once ❣️❣️❣️

it was love at first sight for damiano, as he tells y/n in part2

i would say he was like 'oh shit, this boy is pretty& handsome, i didnt know that was a thing!!' & the crush started literally immediately. im assuming ethan introduced himself with a 'im bi' (he gradually started coming into the label pansexual)& damiano was like 'wow hes so cool& so sure of himself& his sexuality, i wonder if i'll ever be that sure of my sexuality' & ethan represented a kind of freedom dami hadnt known he could have for himself, which attracted him all the more. then he found all of the things they have in common, ethan cared/heard music the same way as him etc. he just went straight to crush-ville& literally never recovered

ethans feelings took time to develop. but he knew he liked damiano/his vibe from the jump. he thought he was funny, he liked his confidence& all the common ground stuff. it was a friends to soulmates thing for him: talking everyday, having so many inside jokes, caring so much about one another, then developing into 'you're hot& im hot, we should do something about that', then friends with benefits. ethan wasnt trying to catch feels cos elsewhere in part2, dami tells y/n about how shit guys have treated him. so damiano was his confidante, safety, etc. until he finally woke up& realised this was an amazing foundation for a relationship

[richardsphere]

Leverage Redemption Log: The Jackal Job

Name unlikely to refer to an actual jackal, an animal that is one of the most common aliases for fictional phantom-thief types (probably slightly after "cat" and before "fox" but i dont have any hard data) --- Episode starts, nice old lady is wondering why a man, presumably her son, or one of those court-apointed guardians is stealing her stuff. Fuck its going to be about Elderly Abuse.

As of right now, its not entirely clear as to wether he is an asshole who is exploiting a dementing relative, legitimately trying to take care of her but struggling financially because fuck the economy is just never gonna recover from the multiple financial collapses we've suffered or outright gasslighting her into believing she is suffering dementia. 2/3 options would make him evil and this is leverage so im not holding out hope for him being misunderstood. so like, probably evil with maybe a 2.5% chance of a "he's trying his best and just really shit at showing it". But yeah, this is leverage. He's a baddie, question is just if he's exploiting his mom, or feigning a relation so he can go to the judge and say "she's so far gone, she doesnt recognise her son (who i definitlly am)" --- Episode starts: Breanna is forced to do community service cause she was caught stealing something. (this is our "juror number 6" plot for Breanna.) Take your time, slow down, pay attention to details. Well nice to see Sophie give the crux of this episode away in her first 3 lines of the episode. and she just picked Breanna's pocket. She's an old thief. (wonder if she and Archie ever hung out...) Sophie spots the ring, then the Astonomers by Vermeer and realises instantly that she knows this woman. (also, does the son know that is the genuine Vermeer he's gonna sell, or does he think its one of those gift-store Mona Lisa's? Cause if he doesn't, he's in for the worst deal of a century) --- Alzheimer's... Well guess im going to be feeling a lot less witty writing this log then most. Thats not something i'd like to joke about too much. Ok, Hinkley is not his son, he's a professional guardian. --- just a side-note that we'd better end this episode with at least an alusion to Breanna having hacked whatever servers are tracking her community service, cause she's kind of about to build up a truancy on that stuff. Like i know that "caring for an elderly or disabled person" is the type of stuff that could be court appointed community service, but this was not the task she was court appointed

Sophie is pulling the "im your replacement" card. Jackal picks up quickly. --- Ok the team is all here now, You're being stupid. She's here because she fell in love with the mark, (who is probably but not guaranteed to be her power of attorney). Her last con was a failure or at least not a known success. Looking for the one thing that she stole that was never returned isnt gonna solve anything because she isnt known to have stolen it. --- Ok the little Edie con is working? Basically a violin-sale but Parker is the Violin. Breanna has experience with elderly Alzheimers patients (grandma) We're doing Leverage Crew-ified Flashbacks again... (this is gonna hurt on an emotional level)

Oh i can see where the twist is gonna happen: Josephine was the mark (bars real owner=safe's real owner=safe combination knower)... And Jo, former bar-owner, fled the country alongside her to escape her gangster ex and started a coffee shop in this town. Oops, Breanna just all-but confirmed the first half of my suspicions (which this early in the episode, means im wrong) --- Harry has a little conductors hat amongst his stuff... Oh look at that, he just said the judge gets first pick of his stolen goods... the judge has the gun (and a heck of a scandal it'd be if a judge was found in posession of stolen goods... and a stolen gun belonging to a founding father at that...) Lovely work on the tiny mirror-box (that she definitly hadnt arranged to be there in advance), Elbow bruises. (chances she didnt "donate" the gun cause it was used in the murder of a london gangster named Earl increasing rapidly) --- The painting, find the painting. "prefect never lasts forever"

they had a daughter.

and all was fine until the papertrail caught up to them. (the daughter... She might be our way out) --- get the judge (noted antiques lover) to overhear that the Turlington Pistol was amongst her posessions, divide and conquer. the money was in the car. (i was a bit suspicious when Jo said "its got a couple hundred worth of tips" when they were running away. But i justified it as her being too good a citisen to steal from Earl) --- Tip for showrunners: If you want to start a comercial block on a cliffhanger, dont have it be an attempted murder of our still-alive narrator. It sort of undermines the tense suspension.

so she shot earl (unsuprising.) Back in the modern day we're headed for a warehouse and Jackal is lifts the gun so we can frame Sophie for stealing the gun so they can steal a fake back from Sophie.

Ok not so much a fake (they didnt have time to prep one) as just placing a made in china sticker on the real and genuine article. (amazingly simple act of brilliance)

Parker's reputation is worth its weight in gold. (a personal favour from someone who started this season by stealing 8 Rembrandts in a single night in multiple museums across the entire United States, is worth a lot compared to a contract with a small-time purveyor of stolen goods. Whodathunk?)

Oh they did pull an entire switch with the gun. (honestly, after the little Made In China sticker reveal, the fact they pulled a genuine switch with a store-bought replica instead of a simple sticker-sleight-of-hand is suddenly quite disapointing, especially as we know the fence was on their side anyways.)

Im going to be honest and say that the Jo acress doesnt have the most convincing elderly wig. (also they kept the plushie) ---

[mcytblr-archive]

MCYTblr Interviews: goatedgreen

our interviewee is @goatedgreen, who kindly wrote up their analysis of 2020-2021 mcytblr! below is a transcript of their analysis.

i'd say that late 2020 and early 2021 is when the "meta" variety of posts started becoming more popular, as that was when the dsmp went from something people saw as a funny joke roleplay server, so something with actual depth of characters that warranted analysing!

but i would say the thing that really kicked off the dsmp as a serious roleplay in and ofitself was of course SAD-ists first animatic (warriors). i remember having subscribed to them just a little before the release of it, because they had animated a few of the funner moments of the dsmp prior to that, but nothing near as serious and cinematic as Warriors.

to say the reaction was big would be an understatment. there were of course a few fanfictions (around less than 100, with the focus being more fluffy, and the fics were still looked down on because the RP hadnt separated itself enough from the Real People yet). i remember reading the first EVER fanfcifion that made the roleplay "realistic" set during the FIRST L'manberg war (august 2020) that detailed tommy and tubbo (the C! moniker not being added to them yet) and thought it was INSPIRED

but then warriors released, and everyone sort of had this realisation like.. "oh! this really is a STORY!" and started taking what they were seeing in the streams so much more seriously.

and i would say that just in time for that, came the POG2020 versis SWAG2020 (versis coconut 2020) . i remember at the time, a lot of people thinking "surely the main story is over now right? l'manberg is free, theres nothing more to tell, anything else would be dragging out something that's already great" and i remember agreeing

but then of course we got the Pogtopia arc, which i think really was the beginning of the "prime" of dsmp as a whole. pogtopia to doomsday (post exile) was seriously some of the best stuff the dsmp has put out (which shows, as it was followed by a pretty big hiatus in streams) , and was like... the BOOM of meta analysis (specific blogs i recommend for older meta, is daggryet, and cupcraft)

i remember daggryet also producing entire transcripts of important lore streams so that people could go back and reference what was said in order make both streams more accessible, and allow people to be more accurate in their quotes of characters for analysis purpose

i just really LOVED the well-meaning debate and COPIUS amounts of DEEP character analysis from this era (there was, of course still discourse, but it didnt feel as malicious as it started to feel later on, when divides between story focus became more vast, and people started pitting characters against each other and splitting into "apologist" factions)

[sleepymccoy]

72 and 55 if you are still going!

I def am! Hi Ked 😊

55. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings ect?

I'm sure there's more than I notice, but I definitely repeat the tropes! I go in for miscommunication and pining basically every time. Even if I'm writing established relationship I manage to make them pine.

Regarding expressions, I do try not to Americanise myself unless the character is particularly American. Cos, like, McCoy is southern. So he gets Southern phrases from me. But Kirk and Spock are also American really but not in a particular way, it's more that universal type of American where it's treated as default. When I write those kinds of default American characters I let myself be Australian about it because that's my default and I don't want to lose that for fanfiction.

That has led to some amusing miscommunications with American readers who are (appropriately!) reading with an American sort of voice but I'm not writing with that. My fave was when I used yonks which means a lot (in a measurement type of way) and got tonnes of confused comments 😂 I hadnt even clocked it as slang, it's just a word for me.

I think the sentence was something like "but that was yonks ago" and people were DMing me to say "hey, funny typo on that page, I think you meant years?" But I didn't! Yonks can be used for distance too, something can be fucking yonks away. I never bothered to change it, it's okay for my voice to be Aussie

But yeah, I'm sure there are many expression particular to me that I don't notice cos it's just cultural

72. What's your favourite writing compliment that you've gotten?

I don't know! I can give you two very impactful ones tho.

Someone left a comment once that discussed how natural my dialogue is, and that's really stayed with me. It caused me to reflect on my process (which starts with dialogue only) and I realised I agree with them! I have quite a strong capacity to make the beats of time in a conversation be reflected in punctuation and description. I'm glad someone pointed it out cos I feel quite a bit of pride over that now, but I hadn't noticed on my own!

The other is all the comments my first ever fic got. I reread it not long ago (maybe a year) and it's appropriately amateur in vice. If I had less find memories of it I'd be embarrassed by it. But the comments are all just so fucking kind. It's unbelievable and it made me commit to being a writer. Everyone pointed out some strength they saw and I can see a direct line from those comments to my style now in what I doubled down on being good at. Someone complimented the humour, and I now do not shy from putting jokes in my stories. Someone talking about it being in character (by my standards now it so isn't, but it was such a shaping comment for me anyway) and I take care to go proof scenes constantly to make sure it's still true to character rather than just being useful to the plot.

It as such a wonderful early experience to have and I cannot express my gratitude enough to those few people who read my weak-ass first post! I love them and I love that fic because of them, no matter how far below my standards it now is. What a marvellous way to interact with new writers

[wouldvecouldveshouldve]

🔮

🔮(when was the moment you realised you were queer?): it was actually when i fell in love with my best friend when i was 12. we were quite close and i was so happy when she would hug me, and like pay attention to me. i remember i got jealous when she hung out with our other best friend, and i remember complaining about it and one of our other friends said something along the lines of “ooh it sounds like you have a crush on her”. it was a joke but i started thinking about it and i was like… oh shit. so i did quizzes about what sexuality i was, bc i hadnt been educated about the queer community yet, and i was so confused for a while about what i was. now im out and proudly pansexual! <3

[b0mblover]

Luchidashi consuming brick fic

By: J

(Aka, “Hey Yall Watch This”)

thanks to beatroot for title 💀

Do NOT EAT BRICKS its awful that i even have to say this but Luchika does NOT condone eating bricks And nor do I.

Luchika was hungry, he had grown up going hungry, everyday, but not like this, kunai never seemed to need to eat, sure both of them were dead, but luchika still felt hunger. 

He had asked kunai about it before, only getting a shrug in return.

Luchika at 2 in the morning started pacing around the small apartment, it was something to take his mind off of his hunger,,

“Lu? the hell are you doin?” Tadashi slurred out, he had clearly been sleeping peacefully.

“Huh? oh its” he paused “nothing”

“Uh huh and youre just so happening to be pacing at 2 in the morning?” Tadashi was stupid sure but- okay thats really all

“I- well-“ he sighed defeatedly.

“Just tell me what it is” tadashi put his hand behind luchika, making him walk to “his” bedroom.

“Well- i, i dunno just-“ kunai sat down ok the edge of the bed motioning luchika to do the same. 

Luchika sat on the bed aswell before starting again, “I dunno, just, yknow how you never get hungry?” he asked rhetorically. “mhm?” “I still do get hungry and i dont know why, and obviously its hard to just go out and get food because- well you know”

Kunai sat in thought for a minute, trying to understand what Luchika meant.

“So what youre saying is, youre hungry” 

“Yea?”

“and you cant and or wont go steal anything to eat”

“Uh yea??”

“and youve kept this from me for how long?”

“Um, i dunno- since we started living together? i guess?”

Kunai sighed, 

“Come here” luchika did as he was told and walked over to where kunai was pointing

“You see that brick there?”

“Yea?”

“If you get hungry, just pull it out, youll see” Kunai had hidden snacks behind the brick, for whatever reason unknown to luchika.

“A-ah, well- thank you” luchika was confused, did kunai want him to eat the brick?

“Youre welcome, now go get some rest, you look tired”

“Okay, thank you!” (😊 SEN YOU GET YHID JOKE RIGHT) 

luchika walked out of kunais “room” going to his own.

He flopped down onto his own bed, before letting himself be consumed by the warm blanket under him, he hadnt even took of his shoes 

(yes luchika just threw himself ok the bed and fell asleep he look like he would)

The next day luchika woke up at 14, he wouldve slept longer, but his stomach had other plans. He felt if he had ate anything like hed throw it up.

He walked around the cramped apartment, looking for Kunai, after 10 minutes of looking, he realised that Tadashi mustve went out. 

He remembered what Kunai said about the brick, he thought it was stupid, but he knew if he didnt eat something now, hed regret it later. 

Luchika walked to the spot kunai had been pointing at, caressing the brick wall trying to find the one he had pulled out the night prior (yk he doesnt pull out he…)

before resting his hands on one that moved, kunai had stuck it in slightly deeper than the rest, probably to mark where it was (SHUT UP 😭)

Luchika worked with his nails to pull it out, after struggling for 5 minutes, succeeding. 

He sat the brick down on the floor, was he seriously about to eat a whole ass brick just because he was hungry? yes. yes he was.

-

He brought the brick up to his mouth, questioning if itd break his teeth. he knawed on a corner for a while, getting used to the slughtly crumbly texture, the apartment was quite old so it made sense. 

He tried to break some off in his hands to make it easier, but failed, so he went back to the corner, he swallowed the broken bits of brick like it was his last meal, attempting to savor the “flavor” or lack thereof..

He started to cough, breathing heavily, turns out, eating rubble of bricks thats dry and crumbbly will do that.

He didnt have any water, the utilities had been shut off since he died, they used candles to even see.

No bottled water in sight, he kept coughing, he believed he heard a door shut, however it was only 13 by that point, he wasnt hopeful that kuani had came back that fast.

But of course luchika had to be wrong, there in the doorway, he seen a black silhouette, through the tears and constant coughing, it was hard to make out.

“Lu? what the hell.. what did you do?”

luchika contiuned to cough, attempting to gasp for air, yet again, failing.

Luchika watched as the silhouette disappeared into the darkness again, he attempted to cry out for them to not leave, but only made a strange spitting (?) noise.

Kunai returned with a bottle of water and opened it for him, he had stolen some from god knows where, he reasoned with himself that i was “just incase”, this was the only logical argument hes ever made in his life and non life. 

He moved the bottle up to luchikas mouth before tipping his head back, luchika followed kunais movement, letting the slightly cool water pour into his mouth and throat, 

He had a lot to explain.

(arent u guys so happy that i write so many ppl eating so many things they shouldnt? yk, (to the like two ppl that seen it) the tadajiro bathroom thjng, j was planning to force jiro to eat the shampoo, but i thought thatd be too mean 🥰 /j.)

(hi shlopt)

[isaacathom]

not to be weird. and very insensitive. but if my granddad happens to die on my birthday i will lose it for the complete wrong reasons. there will be nothing sensible about it. the idea that a man who forgot my birthday for something like a decade and a half (a fact i didnt realise for that time because my PARENTS WOULD GIVE ME GIFTS IN HIS STEAD SO I WOULDNT BE LEFT OUT) would inexorably tie my birthday to his demise gives me something of the Fucking Fury. the final joke on me personally.

i dont know if this is even a probability, since i dont really know the situation, but ive thought about it and it upsets me.

not even him actually being dead. ive never really liked him, probably due to us not seeing each other very often, so ill be sad for my dad but not for me, same as when my pa died (and i actually loved my pa, but alzheimers is a real fucking cunt and so i hadnt really seen him for something like 3 years). blalshfrg

[mithliya]

Lol , the uh, consent discourse is interesting. I HAVE consented to things that were traumatic, a lot of things in fact, but ive also stayed silent, frozen and let things happen, ive put myself back in the same situation.

Point is, i really am the "just regretted it!"-strawman some people love to use lol. Bc i did go back. I didnt even say anything. I dont know if i was sober a single time honestly? (Even the times i did consent to, not just when i was like. Unconscious or actively tried to fight, escape and/or protest verbally)

Ive had, and still have, some pretty bad substance issues, two of the repeated situations have been suppliers. (And no i wasnt even trading drugs for sex) I dont know how to deal with the guilt anymore? I just didnt know what to do, and i still wouldnt if it happened again today? I know i cant physically defend myself, and its terrifying?

Theres at least one time i didnt realise anything happened and just, hoped i imagined it, until i found out the supplier in question had filmed it. Many time i just pretended like i hadnt regained consciousness, and waited until it was over, and acted like i didnt know. There were times i protested and begged and nothing happened, like they didnt even hear me, and there were times i got the shit beat out of me for trying to get away or even for saying no, so i guess i just, i dont know? I dont know why i kept putting myself in those situations when i knew the risks.

I dont even know if they knew that i didnt want it or if they were too fucked up themselves to understand, hear or notice. Its been years, and its still just, always there. I dont want to think about it, i can't even really force myself to, but it still keeps popping up, and i dont know what to do? There are groups for SA victims, ive looked into and met people who run it, but even if they'd never tell me right out that i dont belong there, i still feel so fucking guilty and ashamed for ever contacting them. I just feel like the epitome of playing with fire and whining when i got burnt, only to tell myself its fine and keep playing with fire over and over again. I dont know where im going with this, other than just, i dont know, something something joke about strawmans george and statistical outliers or smth. Anyway. Love ya

girl im sorry but none of what you're mentioning is that bullshit "just regretted it strawman" as you put it. you were sexually abused, potentially even raped, repeatedly. i feel like a part of you knows it but doesn't want to accept it. maybe you feel like you're somehow downplaying rape or sth, i know i felt similarly. its also generally just hard to accept your own powerlessness and the way others (esp men) may take advantage of those moments.

the fact that freezing was a common response and you didn't know how to fight for yourself just emphasises how TRAUMATIC and unwanted it was for you. the fact that you were on substances and cant even remember these incidences well, that people FILMED IT, that some of it was at the hands of drug dealers, that you were abused physically and threatened... you were so clearly sexually exploited based on what you're saying here.

you being unable to think about it but it always coming up regardless is literally traum. you freezing is trauma too. i encourage you to go to those groups for victims of rape/sexual assault. or maybe message an organisation specialised in that stuff or see a therapist (do not pick some asshole conservative man, instead pick a woman specialised in trauma or SA). if you doubt yourself, maybe hearing from them will clarify to you that what you went through is no joke. its not just some silly impulsive decision you made and then regretted the way victim blamers & rape apologists loooooove to frame it.

so many of us will waste so much time blaming ourselves bc that is what our societies do to us. its vile that there are women orbiting feminist spaces right now reiterating the same blame that society throws at us, blame that protects & helps abusers. "oh she just regretted it the next day but she did want it to some degree" "oh well she totally consented" if you showed signs of not wanting it, if you were visibly out of it or wasted or on other substances & clearly not in the right state of mind to consent, if it was in exchange for things you need to survive (or even things you need to feed your addiction bc addiction isnt rational! ppl give their everything to feed it!), if you protested but gave up, etc those are literally unwanted sexual experiences. those are people taking advantage of your vulnerable state. you deserved better and you deserve better now too, don't deprive yourself bc you think it was your fault. we all can find a way to blame ourselves and i found many too, but at the end of the day those man made a totally autonomous decision when they saw you struggling, out of it, w/e else, and took advantage of it and harmed you.