#someone that won't understand won't help me at all. I will just feel like I'm over sharing and like they're judging me lmfao

[jweekgoji]

hello, you can resquest scenery, TFO Orion Pax, D-16, B-127 and Sentinel wait for their Conjux femme reader to give birth to their Sparkling. (about the others except Sentinel, where they go to the surface and return to Iacon and it would be that they meet their newborn Sparkling)

TFO Chars/Pregnant!Femme!Reader [hcs]

featuring: Orion Pax, D-16, B-127, Sentinel Prime tw: pregnancy, very brief mentions of violence, slighty yandere!Megs by the end, mixture of fluff/angst. word count: ~1940 a/n: I hope I understood your request well. Feel free to correct me if I did something wrong so I can remake it.

Orion Pax.

I feel like Orion (cogless, since it's before they went to the surface) is probably that typical young dad that has no idea how to take care of a child and might as well set on fire the kitchen in attempts to warm the bottle of energon for the sparkling.

But! He is very enthusiastic about it, and he supports you in every way he can; it's just that he lacks any real experience with it. Reading in the archives about sparklings, pregnancy and how to be a good mentor is easy; the hardest thing is to actually deal with it.

There is a big possibility that you are also cogless like him, and I'm not sure Sentinel actually cares about poor pregnant miners to give them at least a one-day off. Your supervisors would constantly remind you to continue working, since there's always a big need for energon.

Orion often picks up fights because of it. Can't those big bullies see that you're sparked? You need rest and good care, not lifting heavy equipment...As usual, he gets scolded by Elita for not doing his job properly, but he makes sure that he helps you with everything. You can rest during your shift, while Orion is happily working for both of you, so you won't be reported to the higher-ups. It's a little hard, but there is nothing he wouldn't do for you.

Following my last statement and the previous headcanons, Orion desperately wants the best future for all Cybertronians. He hates the thought that his sparkling will grow up in the same place as him. No actual home, no equality, only hatred from the others. That's when he sees the opportunity to change the future, he grasps onto it.

It pains Orion to leave you in Iacon. It wasn't really his fault, though. He would have come back to you after the Iacon 5000 race immediately if it wasn't for Darkwing throwing him on sublevel 50, and the next events after that...

Orion gains the maturity he lacked, and with realization of his other past mistakes, he also understands how careless he was before. You're probably scared to death without him; he left you without a word, and now you have to only guess where your conjunx is. How stressed you will be after someone tells you that he's dead.

Just as much as it scares him and makes him angry at himself, it also motivates him for more. No matter what, he will come back to you.

The moment he sees you, he is relieved. The reunion looks awkward, his form towering over your smaller one, but that doesn't bother either of you. When he finally meets the sparkling, his own little spark, all the pain from the last battle is gone.

Orion swears to you that he will never leave you alone after today; with a new spark born in this world, there is a hope. How meaningful it is for his own child to be born the day the Iacon becomes free.

D-16

Just like Orion, D-16 has a little to no idea how to take care of the sparkling. If his best friend will be so happy to be a sire, D-16 has mixed emotions about this.

Don't get me wrong, he is excited about it just like you, but D-16 is the bot who is reluctant when it comes to going against the rules. He is not sure if this is actually the right place and time for the sparkling to be born now. Both of you are cogless, and there is no great future for you. Maybe after countless cycles ago he can get a higher position, a bit better life, but will it be enough to raise someone so young?

Even then, he shows you that he is happy. He doesn't want you to think that he hates the idea just because he's not so sure about your current life.

D-16 is a naturally strong bot, probably one of the strongest when compared to other miners. He gets extra affectionate with his conjunx, holding you close and maybe even carrying you around if you show him the tiniest sign that you're tired. He is really sweet.

As Orion drags him into the race, he begins to slowly lose his cool. His outburst in the cave after finding out about the truth is even stronger. The betrayal, pain, the sick feeling of worry about you and his sparkling. If only Orion didn't drag him into that damn race, he would have been with you, making sure that you're safe, none of that would have happened.

The frustration boils over with each step he makes. He needs to come back to Iacon, to you, but first, he has to get rid of the one who caused the cycles of pain and humiliation.

 The time D-16 gets his servos on Sentinel, ripping him apart in front of anyone, he thinks it is the only way to solve everything. Only he can fix it, and only he can trust himself with protecting you.

You weren't there to see him deal with Sentinel, thankfully. It is for the best to avoid all the stress it could have caused if you saw him. Your dear conjunx is seething with hatred. Sentinel took many things from him; he wasn't even able to be there with you when your sparkling was born. D-16 Megatron will cherish both of you forever, and he will make sure to raise his little one as strong as him, so they won't live through the same events as D-16 was.

B-127

Oh, this one is a little too sad to speculate. Let's say, both of you are cogless but met each other a long time ago before you two ended up on sublevel 50. The moment you two failed to please the higher-ups and also the moment you find out that you're sparked up. What bad timing!

B-127 seems to be more happy than you are when he realizes that he is going to be a sire. A little too happy. Even though he doesn't fully understand it. You might go like, “You're going to be a sire, Bee” and then he hits you with, “I am sparked up??” which is kind of funny. Is that really your man?

Out of other bots, I can see  being the best sire ever. Of course, he gets a little confused, but who wouldn't be if they dealt with their first child? You try to explain to him everything you know about the topic, and he quickly catches up on it.

B-127 is already thinking about the names. Does Badasstron Junior sound like a good name for sparkling? Or maybe he should practice combining your names together? Anyway, it really helps him not to get insane down here. Having you around is good for Bee's mental health, though you're not so sure how much time passed since you were demoted.

Even then, Bee shows his caring side. He does get serious when the situation really needs it, so he is constantly tied to your hip because he wants you and the sparkling to be safe. The conditions are not great, but he makes the best of it. No matter how bad it gets, he always makes you smile, even though sometimes he has no strength to keep his cheerfulness.

Bee is happy to have more new friends and to partake in the journey of finding the matrix of leadership, but he doesn't want you to get hurt. That's why (with tears in his optics) you two agree that you should stay. But hey, it will probably not take too much time. He will come back with his new friends to Iacon with the matrix; the energon will flow again, so there's no need for you to stay!

Bee doesn't stop yapping about the fact that he is going to be a sire to Elita. This fella just likes to talk and when he sees the opportunity, he doesn't miss it! Poor Elita has to listen to him how hard it is to choose the name for the baby, or how he is going to be the best sire ever once the group comes back. Ohh, did you know that he also really-really loves you? And his sparkling? Elita barely handles him, but even though she never met you, she knows everything about you.

After Bee comes back to Iacon, he almost faints. First he got a cog, then met the high guard, got a job with the government, AND became a sire? When he sees his sparkling, he feels a little sad that he wasn't there with you, but he will compensate it in no time. Every little move your sparkling makes is cheered by,  and Primus have mercy on the poor bots around him. He is probably that dad who will show you the pictures of his kids...

Sentinel Prime

Being a conjunx of Sentinel has its own perks. Lucky you, no work for you! It will be too bad if you get sparked up and cogless, huh?

Sentinel is a busy bot. There is always work waiting for him, especially the oh so important ‘‘searching for matrix of leadership’ thing. Even then, when he is in Iacon, there are lots of paper jobs and meetings  being here and there since everything should be personally controlled by him.

One of the cons while being sparked up and being conjunx of Sentinel is that he doesn't have much time for you. By the end of the day, he always comes back to your quarters, but it's just so lonely without him! You're always surrounded by the guards, the medics, but they can never replace the presence of your loved one.

All the changes in your body don't help at all, the mood swings, the certain energon cravings in the middle of the night, so-so hard to deal with, but he's a Prime, after all, so that shouldn't trouble him that much...

Sentinel might be a little irritated with it. When you wake him up, just to ask for something Primus-knows-what-next, that will probably take hours to search for, but he has no strength to deny you. If his conjunx wants it, he gets it!

I like to think that Sentinel is probably always aware of your and sparkling's health, but in a slightly concerning way. Yes, he can miss one or two meetings at the doctor's with you, but that doesn't mean he is ignorant. Everything is reported straight to him, so if anything, he will drop his work and join you. There is also a looong track of every checkup you had, and he has a timer that counts seconds to when the sparkling is born.

Imagine how annoyed Sentinel is when he gets humiliated by the quintessons and misses the birth of his sparkling? He practically scowls when someone reports him about it and totally has to restrain himself from strangling someone on his way to Iacon, but he manages it somehow.

Sentinel's mood quickly replaced with warmth for you and the sparkling, even though inside his head, he is still annoyed. How could he miss it? When he planned everything to the last second? The one thing that keeps his mind occupied is the little one he has in his servos. He's not going to leave you two again. At least, when he still can.

[chocoqtelle]

inner child pac reading

🦀 pile one,,

I know we're used to being super helpful, but it's good to help yourself too. you should always make sure you're okay first. It's important for us to be okay, even if other people don't think so. we should think so. things are gonna be okay for us. they always are. I want to do the things we like. I don't understand why you care about what people think now. I think we should try doing what we like more, even if it's embarrassing. it doesn't have to take a lot of time. it's just good to have fun sometimes. maybe you can get back into some of our old interests if you want?

it seems like this pile had to mature quickly and was overly generous in childhood. this likely led to some people pleaser habits. when the world said "be nice" and "care about others" you took it to heart, but it felt like you were the only one who did. you felt like you had to be the adult in your childhood and care for other people around you. for some of you, you may have had to care for a parental/older familiar figure or your siblings. you're used to changing your words and your personality to be more digestible and gentle because this strong fear of conflict. you were scared of people being mean to you, so you avoided making anyone mad. it was like you were always tiptoeing over eggshells. now, you don't have to, so there's no point in worrying about people who don't worry about you. you'd be doing yourself and your inner child a favor by doing what you want. it might feel wrong to be yourself, but at least try. I won't delve too much into this part, but I believe some people in this pile also dealt with being oversexualized or being hyper sexual at a young age. I think it's important to know you're more than what you can give others for this pile. please also take a break for the love of god.

🐸 pile two,,

It's hard to feel loved if nobody shows you. at the same time, i don't think I'd want to be loved. it seems weird and uncomfortable. I'm not used to it so it's scary. I still wish that someone would care at least. it feels like nobody else cares. I'm really tired of things being silent and boring all the time. I want to do something fun. I want friends but I want to be by myself. people think I'm weird, but I think they're the weird ones. they can avoid me but I wouldn't wanna be friends with them anyway. it doesn't matter if it's lonely, I don't feel less lonely around people anyway. some people think I'm mean. I don't think I'm mean. i heard I look mean or I act mean sometimes, but what if that's just who I am? I don't try to be mean to people. I just don't want people to hurt me.

holy neglect trauma... there's a lot to unpack here 😓 first off, I hope you're alright. it seems like this pile never really learned how to interact with people and is probably still a bit of a people hater. this pile has had to keep strong boundaries and walls on to protect themselves from unfamiliar experiences (being spoken to positively.) if you've never experienced something, it can be scary but you have to stop thinking every little thing is gonna go wrong in your life. it's fine. separate note but I think someone's ancestors are very present here, might want to connect with them if you don't already. you can try to shut down the feelings of loneliness and pretend connection won't help but it does. you're probably not connected with your inner child or you're ashamed of yourself for some reason. trying to be cold won't undo anything or save you from the feelings you're hiding. you'll have to acknowledge them at some point. escapism and forcing ignorance wont help forever. hopefully it'll be sooner than later, but that's your choice. it's okay to be soft, btw.

🐕 pile three,,

I know what I'm talking about. I'm serious. I wish people would take me more seriously. i get good grades, I study hard, I always prove how smart I am. for some reason, people still act like I'm too young and stupid to have opinions or that what I say is just silly, especially with emotions. they act like having emotions makes you a less rational person. some people look down on me for who I am, too. it's not something I can change. whether it's gender, age, or whatever, people always want an excuse to ignore how I feel or what I have to say. I know I'm right though. I don't want us to stop expressing ourselves. I wanna share how I feel to the world.

this pile is extremely opinionated and knows how to share their emotions. this pile is for the "bossy" kids who "should have been lawyers" or "a CEO" according to every adult around them. you were emotional as a child and it was always ignored or joked off as if your feelings were invalid. this pile is definitely natural-born leaders so if you aren't/never have been aspiration-driven or "extra" this pile probably isn't yours. the most healing thing you can do for yourself at this point is speak up. continue to speak about everything. share your opinion more, it's safe now and people will actually take you seriously. be emotional, be too much, be annoying, be talkative, be over-opinionated, be everything you feel like being and don't let anyone talk you out of it. lead your life how you want to. call everything out, even if it means being weird. I definitely feel like some people in this pile had the gifted kid experience or liked to read a lot when they were younger. there's also some unresolved anger that might need to be taken care of. I think speaking up more instead of bottling feelings up will definitely help that, though. you're not stupid or weak for being emotional. just be yourself unapologetically and that's the best thing you can do for your younger self.

[blueishspace]

Hero, Villain God 15

(Prev) (Next) (First)

*Scar's pov*

Cub has called you... He said it was something really important so you did your best to make it as fast as you could...... He hasn't really been very happy with you after the Mother Spore incident so you didn't expect him to be the one to ask to see you... You are a bit nervous...

Wait! What if he's quitting?!? You could never manage to do your work without his help! You'll have to beg! You will do it if that is what it takes.

You sigh ...Here goes nothing.

"Mayor Ren and Martyn have been taken hostage"

What? What does he mean they were taken hostage? Doesn't he have bodyguards to protect him??

"How? When? Where is he?"

"Oh he's still in his office"

Come again? What is Cub on about then?

"But you said he was-"

"Yes, it seems it is the office that's holding him hostage"

..."What?"

"Specifically, the mechanical door and windows have all been locked by an unknown attacker. The defense system has been turned into a threat on his life."

"Oh"

"We believe either an hacker or a villain with power over technology might be at fault."

You see, what you don't understand is why you were called for this. It feels suspicious.

"Do you want me to go after this hacker -"

"No. Not now at least. The mayor needs you to get him and his vice out of the building unharmed. The defenses he installed are quite dangerous when made into weapons so be careful"

"Am...am I going to work alone then?"

"Yes. Ocean Queen water manipulation could backfire around so much electronics and the building is too cramped for Sheriff's wings."

You think you understand, you nod at him, he looks at you.

"I'm ready"

"And don't stay out too long"

Cub wasn't kidding, as you dodge a literal laser you wonder just how paranoid the mayor must have been when he set up this defense system... This is a level of security you would think to find in a super secret governent base, not the mayor's office.

You don't have much time to wonder though as another laser almost hits you in the face and w- IS THAT A MACHINE GUN!?!?

You sigh as you take out one of your explosive arrows, you'll have to fight fire with fire if you want to get anywhere... hopefully the mayor won't mind a bit of property damage.

You really don't want a lawsuit right now by the mayor...or exile! Wait could the mayor even exile you if he wanted?

... You should ask Cub later.

*Martyn's pov*

You have been trapped in this office with Ren for what feels like hour now... It might have been, It's not like you can tell with the windows blacked and no clocks in the entire office... Why does Ren have literally 0 clocks in his office!?

Your thoughts are suddenly interrupted by Ren shouting in your ear.

"We are doomed Martyn! Doomed I tell you! I knew they were coming for me and now we are going to die here!"

Who was coming from him? This is news to you.

"I ... I'm sure they must have sent someone to save us Ren. You are still the mayor, pretty important guy if you ask me."

"Who knows how long that will take my dude, we might have to stay here to starve for days! We'll have to result to cannibalism to stay alive!"

Ok what, how have we got to this point.

"Woah there, how about we *don't* do that actually? How does that sound mate?"

"Right, right... I am sorry Martyn."

...You stare at eachother... Without his voice in the background things are weirdly akward... He's always seemed so confident, you have never seen him this worried before...You hold Ren's hand, he seems surprised for a moment.

"It's going to be alright, I'm here with you"

"Yeah... Yeah, you'll protect me!"

Uh... You don't remember saying that but telling him no would just be too cruel.

"Right, you can count on me Ren."

"Of course dude! I trust you more then I would trust myself!"

Ren's face is suddenly so close to yours, right in front of you. You didn't expect it so you scream and fall back.

"Ah??!"

"Oh sorry dude! I didn't mean to jump at you like that... I got excited"

"It's...it's fine Ren"

"Are you sure?"

You are staring into his eyes and he is staring into yours... It wouldn't be too hard to just lean in and-

"Hello people! Hotguy here to save the day! Is everyone ok?"

...Motherfucker.

[scionsthings]

You utilized the exact same words i used with a friend when i was talking about this with them. I'm a very analytical person I don't put two man ( or any other couple actually ) together just because they are sexy and im not delulu, like i can tell when the story mean something or not, of course if I want to ship it i ship it in any case, but I'm mature enough to understand if something is meant or not because i do care about the canon events especially if they are well narrated. I saw this thing they have at the very first time, from act 1 Season 1 to act 3 Season 2 and Jayce's relationship with Mel actually helped me, who watched the series as an aroace person so i don't really know personally how love works lol, to understand what Jayce truly wanted. It was so, so obvious for me in Season 1 and Season 2 just confirmed Jayce's feelings, because the character himself realized them. He loved Mel, but because Mel is a Mirror, she reflects other people desires she...she was the reflection of Viktor. Jayce saw something of Viktor in her. These are not the eyes of someone in love who believes in their partner

And I choose these screenshots not to negate the fact Jayce felt genuine attraction for Mel (as i already said) but because these moments are moments of "tenderness" with your partner. But why are you so..distant? It's because Jayce unconsciously knew that Mel is not Viktor and she'll never could be but he still cares about her. And..well THESE are the eyes of someone in love, who believes in their partner knowing they want to stay by their side, for eternity at this point. Look how Jayce shines, AND in the very first time you can see the emotions in his eyes just talking to a stranger. Viktor gives him hope. Those eyes are so so intense when he's look at him

And the feeling is mutual, but Viktor is more subtle because he was so stucked on the belief he wasn't worth it...And then happened what happened. But even after all of that Jayce is here to remind him he's the most beautiful creature in the world in every sense possible, and he believed in him till the end. I really know what brotherly soulmates mean, it's like as you and another person were born from the same ovum, that strong connection between two twins and this is definitely NOT the case They are partners Science Partners Partners in crime Partners in love, with the difference their love it's expressed differently from simple kisses and carnal passion, they loves in their unique way that's why their relationship is so BEAUTIFUL There was no Kiss, not an "I love you" because those things are so..bland if you compare them to everything else, the touches, Jayce's words as you arleady said OP

And this for me, as for you OP, this makes Jayvik CANON And never won't change my mind because the voice actors believed in it. The animation team believed in it, because they showed us EXACTLY this type of love.

I know I'm most definitely not the first one to talk about this but truly I believe that if queer people identify with a ship/character then that makes them queer.

That being said, Viktor and Jayce are most definitely queer to me. Their love definitely defies the bounds of any normal "romantic" or "platonic" relationship and that in itself is inherently queer. Defying societies expectations of a given role, like, how is that not queer?

It genuinely baffles me that it's claimed they're "brotherly" because there are WAYS to code brotherly dynamics, or really close friends, without romantic undertones at all! That's possible, and those relationships are present in arcane! So why is it that Jayce and Viktor feels so queer? because they fucking are! You have to think, one person who worked on arcane does not define a relationship that has been worked on by a shit ton of other people. Their relationship is queer coded even if unintentional, it is there. and when characters are queer coded, they ARE queer.

Jayces confession was such a beautiful way to show his love for Viktor, they don't have to kiss, or explicitly say "love" for that to be the implication. It's there. half the people who watched that scene thought they were going to kiss. there's a reason for that! I hate pulling out the argument "what if one of them was a woman?" but sometimes you genuinely have to use that argument because SO many people would be on board if Jayce or Viktor was a woman and the other was a man.

Jayce is genuinely so devoted to him and it's so so clear the entire time! Because yeah! He chose to go through that with Viktor! He chose to hold him by the neck and hold hands with him! Because he loves him! That is true love no matter the intent! He loves everything about Viktor and never once did he falter in that love because it was such a big part of him!!!!! Like I cannot imagine watching the Finale and not coming out of it like "Jayvik is canon" because to me it is canon. like. legitimately canon. and I will be referring to it as canon because that's how I see it.

Okay thanks for listening to my thoughts lol I love queer relationships in media

[dramatic-dolphin]

Re. Your women being so scared thing. And to be clear I mostly agree with you.

I'm not sure where you're from, but I'm from New York, and I can say for sure that I'd feel more safe in the most dangerous part of the UK than basically anywhere in the US. My Parisian aunt thinks Gare du Nord too dangerous to walk near under any circumstances, but to me it seems like a normal bigger train station level of danger, and the streets around it seem normal. I lived in a university town in the UK for a year, and I never felt in danger there or in London, even alone, even in the middle of the night. I was never alone in Berlin, but I was out at night, and I felt at least as comfortable as I would in New York. So I think, at last in the places I've been and from my experience, America is more dangerous and much scarier. I have never been street harassed in the UK, and I have been harassed and followed in New York plenty, and had several people attempt to attack me. Men in the US will also often harass you from a car, which is an explicit threat. It's also important to remember that parking lots are bad places to be and most of the US has to drive, and therefore park.

That said, I know some women who won't ride the subway at night, or at all, and that seems very paranoid to me. If you're riding at a remotely normal time and are paying any attention to your surroundings, you're almost certainly going to be fine. I also know girls who, even once they're in a car, of course, will send friends their location just in case. This seems extremely paranoid to me. Maybe check you're going the right way like one time. I do still think some of the things people do can be reasonable caution - yeah, didn't go hiking on a first date - but the perspective people are throwing at you strikes me as distinctly privileged. No one who's ever had a job can think that way. I've worked with a few women who took cars home after every shift, or their dad or their boyfriend picked them up in a car, and at that point, you have a job as a hobby, because unless he works nearby, you just spent your minimum wage on gas. If you take a cab home in New York, from Manhattan to any other borough, that's most of your pay. So to me, this level of paranoia generally reads that you've never had to be alone anywhere so you don't understand what it means, and you've never had to do shit with, and if you did do it, the money wasn't important.

Yeah a lot of time I get mad at this online because it just seems overly paranoid to me, and then a woman comes in with a personal experience or anecdotes, and it hits me that maybe the US *is* actually that bad? I live in Hungary, and I really like walking alone in the city at night, or going for long walks in the forest alone, and I've never really felt unsafe doing that, but - and this is crucial - neither have most of the women I talk to. Or at least, not to this degree. So, yeah, the US is possibly worse and more unsafe? I can believe that, it's just hard to conceptualize I guess, since the US likes to portray itself as tbe baseline for a "civilized" country, and I live in *Eastern Europe*. So there's preconceptions here, lol.

But yes, a lot of these, even when corrected for this, are just paranoid, there's no other way to see it. Like, no matter where you live, you truly do NOT need to share your location every time you leave home. And there's also the matter of being disconnected from the people and community around you, like being scared to help your neighbor or someone on your street. We live in a society, you kind of have to take an active part of it.

A lot of it is just a lot of energy spent on being scared every waking moment of your life. Like, okay, in the reddit thread I saw this in, there was a woman saying that she ALWAYS puts her ID in her front pocket when she goes outside so they can easily IDENTIFY THE BODY IF SHE DIES. Like what material good does worrying about this bring to your life? It's not even a self-defense technique, doing this will not help you with staying alive!! All it does is make you think about "oh no, I could get murdered" every time you leave the house. This is NOT a healthy mindset!

It's like a strange and widespread kind of anxiety, and the worst part is, it has you convinced it's necessary, and you can't get rid of it unless you make an active effort to do things despite being scared. First you have to convince yourself that you *won't* get murdered by your date if you don't share your location, and that's the hardest part. And yeah lol, having to do things alone helps you with this tremendously, because you realize that you've just taken the subway at night alone and survived. But if you're never forced to do things alone, you get stuck in this weird fear spiral, and whenever you see a stranger, you end up thinking about how they could murder you.

[lovelyshu]

I ONLY TALK TO DOGS BECAUSE THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND ME — with Minho

001 DESCRIPTION — how minho deals with a crying teenager he cares about

002 TAGS — all platonic, gn reader, use of yn like once, very fluffy, a tiny bit of angst if you squint (reader doesn't trust parents with problems or anyone else tbh + like lots of crying), very self indulgent

003 COMMENTS — what does crying at least once a week in the middle of the night does to a person? It gives them ✨ideas✨. Also this was inspired by my brother even if I never told him much. He was the only person I allowed to see me cry.

004 TAGGING — @hannamoon143 @jisunggy

Minho doesn't remember exactly when did he got so close to you. And to be honest, neither did you.

But now you were someone very important to him, going as far as calling you his little sibling.

And that's also one of the reasons he accepted when you asked to sleep on his house that night.

The other reason being that he knew you weren't feeling so good these days. Even if you tried to hide it, your obvious reactions to which no one seemed to notice or care gave it away.

Well, that didn't mean he was expecting to her crying in the middle of the night.

It was 1:35 am. And Minho had no idea on to why were you still awake. He was still feeling sleepy and tired, but as soon as he heard the sob coming from the other room, his mind put to the side any sleepiness in his body.

Slowly, he walked to your room, standing right outside your door. Minho thought about knocking on it, but you would probably just ignore.

So that's why he just - slowly - opened it, to which made you freeze, trying to pretend to be asleep.

“yn? Are you alright?”

No response.

Sighing, he walked closer to you after closing the door, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Minho knew you had trouble with opening up to other people, even sympathizing with the feeling. Knowing that, he put a hand over your head, patting it softly.

“If there's anything bothering you, I'm more than happy to help you. You don't need to bottle up everything.”

As you stayed in silence, he continued.

“And I can also just listen, if you'd like. I won't tell anyone about this, unless you ask me to.”

The silence continued for a short moment, until he heard you speak, voice cracking slightly. A clear sign you were indeed crying.

“Not even my parents?”

“No. If you don't want them to know, I won't tell them.”

You slowly turned to face him, sitting up. Minho seeing this slowly puts your head on his shoulder, letting you take your time with talking.

“Minho... I'm sorry..”

“What are you sorry for?” - he spoke in such a soft and calm tone that made you get even more emotional than you were.

Trying to find the right words, more tears begun to found their way to your eyes as you tried your best to not let them fall.

“For everything. I'm a failure, I can't do anything right, my parents are alright but it seems like I can never make them proud. The only thing I give them is shame.”

Minho moved you a bit, enough so that you could hide your face on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around you.

“Sometimes I just want to disappear.. I always ask myself if anyone would even care if I did...”

Hearing your words made Minho hug you tightly, mumbling in such a low voice that you might've missed if it wasn't for the silence.

“You're not a failure. If anything, you are the most talented and intelligent person I've ever met.”

Minho sighed as he noticed that you were crying even more, knowing those words might mean something way too big for your own heart to bear.

“And you don't even see it. If you ever disappeared, I'd go all around the world to find you.”

Slowly, he laid you down again, but now, laying down as well, still holding you.

After some long minutes, Minho noticed you were drifting off to sleep, which somehow, got him in peace enough to do the same.

Not until he whispered again.

“You're not alone. Don't forget that.”

Was the last thing you heard before closing your eyes, comfortably sleeping while cuddling no one other than Minho himself.

[kisskissbanggang]

Trick or Treat! Going to a party on Halloween with Hyunjin, maybe a little smutty, semi public? An idea ya know :) 🧡

(a super duper overdue)

TRICK OR TREAT

((OH MY GOD I'm so so late posting this but I loved this prompt so much that I couldn't not 😭🧡 sorry it's a little long but I adore it so much omg, he's so much fun to write for 🥰 I hope you enjoy!!))

[Hyunjin x F!Reader - NSFW/Smut - Public, Semi-Public, Teasing, FWB, Inappropriate Touching, Dry Sex, Ill-Advised Lap Sitting, Stuck Sex, First Kisses, Idiots in Love, Catching Feelings, House Parties, Mistaken Identities, Masks]

This was your date, right? It'd be really awkward to be sitting on someone's lap and have it not be your date. You scanned the party, hoping to catch sight of Hyunjin, because if anyone could subtly help you out in this awkward situation, it'd be him. Hyunjin was one of your closest friends... Even if things were a little weird between you lately.

It wasn't even like you'd fooled around. Not really. The first time you'd ever done anything together, it had been a total accident, you swear. You were on a double date with Hyunjin and running late to a movie. In the darkness, it was hard to tell exactly how everyone had stumbled into their seats. It was reckless, yeah, and maybe a bit inappropriate, but you loved how your date held your hand so forwardly. Poor excuse for your next move, but you had decided to be bold yourself and trace your fingers along the inner seam of his jeans, teasing him throughout the entire movie. It wasn't until afterwards when your date asked if you were upset with him that you realized anything was wrong. When you asked him why he wanted to know, you were mortified when he told you that you hadn't held his hand during the movie at all. Unsurprisingly, neither of you had a second date after that.

Somehow, the next time you did anything with Hyunjin was worse. Like, much worse. You and Hyunjin already weren't talking about the double date fiasco, and this was only going to make that fact funnier. On a late summer night, you got a text from Hyunjin, pleading you to come over and help him. You had dropped what you were doing and rushed over to his place.

"What's wrong?" you'd worriedly asked once you arrived.

"It's my ex! I told her she can't come over because I have a girl over."

"... And that won't stop her?"

Hyunjin had sighed into his hands. "I never changed my keypad combo. I need you to answer the door when she comes."

"Hyunjin... she's met me."

Your friend had kicked his couch in exasperation, the piece of furniture squeaking in protest, and understandably stubbed his toe in the process. However, Hyunjin stopped cursing over his toe and looked at the couch, processing an idea.

"Get in the bedroom," he'd ushered you.

"What?!"

"You don't have to actually do anything! Just, if she lets herself in and hears us pretending to hook up, she'll have to leave."

There was no excuse for this, but at the time it had sounded stupid enough to work. You and Hyunjin sat on his bed with the door to his room closed.

"You're not allowed to kiss me," you'd mandated.

Hyunjin rolled his eyes and wrinkled his nose at you. "I didn't realize that'd be a concern of yours."

You both waited awkwardly until there was a soft knock at the front door, at which time you and Hyunjin immediately set about your ridiculous plan. On his knees so he could make the bed squeak as loudly as possible, Hyunjin admittedly looked a little hot while he rocked into the bed and pretended to moan. You must've looked equally hilarious, though, sitting cross-legged on the bed and boredly moaning as well. This was even sort of fun, until the front door opened. Even though this was precisely why Hyunjin took the plan this far, it still terrified you that his possessive ex could be this forthright. You and Hyunjin had exchanged horrified glances and pretended to moan even louder, rocking his bed into the wall.

And then it got worse. Hyunjin's ex had cursed, whining that he was only pretending to have a girl over. Even though he was, neither of you wanted to know what the consequences of her finding that out would be. Thinking fast, you'd lifted your dress around your hips and pulled Hyunjin between your legs, now plainly simulating dry sex in Hyunjin's bed. You'd buried your face in his neck, trying to hide your identity, when Hyunjin's ex swung open the door. She'd shrieked and shielded her eyes before cursing at Hyunjin and promptly running out the door. When Hyunjin finally stopped pretending to thrust against you, you'd woefully taken clear notice of the bulge in his jeans. Sitting up revealed, to your mortification, that you were soaked. Hyunjin's face had been flushed, on the verge of breaking a sweat when he quickly adjusted his jeans and briskly thanked you. Now this was another thing both of you refused to talk about.

Which led to tonight. Only a couple months after the ex-girlfriend plot and almost half a year after the movie theater debacle, you and Hyunjin were still great friends who never, ever discussed what was going on between you two, because there was actually nothing going on to discuss. Which was good because you were supposed to meet up with his friend Changbin for a casual date at Halloween party they were invited to.

The thing you weren't expecting, however, was not seeing Hyunjin downstairs at the lobby like you'd planned. Hyunjin's friend, Felix, was friendly as always when he let you into his apartment, but he did tell you that he wasn't sure where Hyunjin was as well. This was odd, given that Felix didn't exactly have a big apartment and you didn't exactly show up when everyone else did. There was only a handful of people in the modest apartment. The small kitchen and tiny balcony didn't reveal Hyunjin, nor did the living room when you checked again before sitting on Felix's small couch next to a grim reaper mannequin. You tried shouldering the mannequin aside, attempting to get some personal space, but found the decoration surprisingly heavy. When you tried again, the mannequin grabbed your hand, making you shriek. The decorative grim reaper laughed brightly, its shoulders shaking before slipping off its mask, revealing Changbin's fluffy curls that he shook out of his eyes. He pulled his fogged-up glasses off of his nose so he could wipe them off with his cloak.

This was a relief, if anything. Meeting up with Changbin was the whole point of the night to begin with. You chatted and flirted on the couch as more guests filtered into the party, but still no sign of Hyunjin. Concern began to seep into the corners of your mind, a nagging thought persisting that maybe something had happened to him. You excused yourself, grabbing a drink from the impressive spread laid out in the crowded apartment. Barring the whole Hyunjin-being-missing thing, this was an incredible time. Changbin was so hot and nice, and you were easily winding each other up. The first time Changbin worked up the nerve to put his hand on your knee, you almost burst. There was already discussion of whose place you were heading after the party, yours or his. This meant that Hyunjin had to hurry his ass up and show his face at this party, or you were going to be distracted worrying about him all night.

Your nerves calmed down a little when you walked back to the couch. Changbin had his mask back on and was scrolling through his phone, and you decided to be bold and sit down on his lap. The couch was crowded, after all. You serenely cuddled like this, people-watching at the party, and even getting a little excited when you noticed Changbin was getting a bit hard where you were seated on his lap.

Except that was when Changbin emerged from the kitchen, cocktail in one hand and mask in another. Frankly, you could've pissed yourself, your guts clenched so hard. Who the hell were you sitting on?!

Your answer came when the grim reaper you were sitting on pulled his mask off, revealing Hyunjin brushing his fingers back through his shaggy hair. That gut-clenching feeling grew worse. You stared, gobsmacked, as Hyunjin laughed, oblivious to your distress and Changbin's confusion.

"Hey!" Hyunjin giggled, "you got the same mask!"

Changbin attempted to diplomatically chuckle. "Uh, heh, yeah. You texted me that pic of it!"

"I meant it as inspo!" howled Hyunjin, his shoulders shaking. His hips shifting under you reminded you of how hard he had been getting. You whipped your head in his direction.

"Can I talk to you?" you half-asked, half-demanded.

Hyunjin looked confused when you grabbed his sleeve and dragged him out to the tiny balcony, where poor Felix had apparently stored all his extra crap for the duration of the party. You were shoved in between a stack of plastic storage totes and a small washer/dryer, chest to chest with Hyunjin. Good thing for the proximity, too, because it reminded you not to yell at him and draw more attention to yourselves.

"I was going to ask you," Hyunjin nonchalantly began, "where were you?"

"Where was I?!" you whisper-shrieked at him. "I've been waiting for you for the past thirty minutes! Thank god Changbin was here already or--"

"Yeah! I saw that," your friend noted brightly, almost making you go ballistic in the process. "How was that going?"

"It was going great until, you know, until I was sitting on your lap instead of his!"

"That was crazy," Hyunjin agreed. "I can't believe you didn't even check to see if it was me."

"I wasn't trying to sit on your lap! I was--ugh, just forget it!"

Hyunjin gazed at you curiously as you tried to shove yourself away from him and leave the balcony... until you realized you couldn't. The two of you were wedged. Now Hyunjin got a bit more distressed with you.

"Was this on purpose?" you badgered him. "Things have been weird between us and now that I'm getting with one of your friends, you want me all to yourself?"

"Weird? What's weird?" Hyunjin argued, trying to push you out and away from him. "Things are weird because you keep on throwing yourself at me! Do you want Changbin or not?"

"Throwing myself at you?!" you blustered. "Who was the one who invited me over and dry-fucked me to scare off their ex?!"

"Who was the one who felt me up during a whole movie and pretended like nothing happened after?!" Hyunjin argued back.

You grabbed the hem of your dress and yanked it up when you found that it was restricting the use of your legs. This didn't remotely work, instead only pressing you hip to hip with Hyunjin, separated now by only your panties and his jeans. He blushed hard when he realized the same thing you did. You rolled your eyes. "Look, you're even hard for me again. All I did was sit on your lap."

Hyunjin looked anywhere but at you, an easy task given the darkness of the balcony. In fact, someone had pulled the curtain in front of the screen door closed in the apartment, making it impossible for any of the partygoers to see what was going on outside and cutting out most of the auxiliary light.

"Fine," Hyunjin grumbled, "you're right. I'm sorry. You just... look really good tonight."

Begrudgingly, you looked up at your friend. "... Yeah?"

"... Yeah," he curtly nodded.

The ensuing kiss felt like it lacked impetus but also like it'd been there all along. Both of you had been hurtling towards this kiss for months now, maybe even going back to when you first met. And, now that you finally crossed first base (after skipping it and going to second), it felt like you were making up for lost time. There'd never been an opportunity to really notice how big Hyunjin's hands were, and now they were all over you, everywhere he could reach where you were wedged up against each other. You were nearly light-headed when you noticed his long fingers expertly navigating the close quarters to pull your panties aside, and you suddenly came back to your senses.

"Right here?" you wheezed, half-heartedly putting your hand on his arm.

"Can we?" Hyunjin pleaded, equally needy and hoarse. "We already halfway did it a couple months ago."

You thought about this, only as critically as Hyunjin's lips on your neck could allow, and you quickly nodded your agreement. Swiftly, you could feel the warmth of Hyunjin's hardness between your legs, contrasting amazingly with the cool night air. This was just like back on Hyunjin's bed, only a million times better now that everything seemed to be clearly laid out between you. You were embarrassed to think you'd refused to let yourself acknowledge how long you'd wanted Hyunjin, and you suspected he felt the same. He was indecipherable in the moment. His thrusts were haphazard and rough, but he kissed you tenderly whenever his lips caught yours. Stunningly, he'd even begun to work up a sweat, which you found confoundingly hot. Hyunjin was in a rush to take his time with you. Whether you did it for 5 minutes or 30, you had no idea, but your climax almost snuck up on you, it came so easily.

"Hyunjin," you whimpered, "I'm gonna--"

"Shh, not so loud," he warned, even through his tensed jaw, his scrunched eyes betraying how close he also was. "Hold onto me, okay?"

You and Hyunjin clutched onto each other, your nails digging into his biceps and his hands grabbing onto your hips in a vice as you collectively gasped and sighed and cursed through your combined peaks.

Spots and stars clouded your vision for a minute while you and Hyunjin caught your breath. Things threatened to turn awkward, but you refused to let it. You and Hyunjin were still close. Now you were even closer. You just had to know where you were headed next.

"So..." Hyunjin panted. "Do we sneak out or do I talk to Changbin?"

You grinned up at Hyunjin, brushing your fingers through his hair. "I think we find a way to get off this balcony first."

[icarusredwings]

It gets to the point where they start argueing about this and Wade is so angry and so upset that through grit teeth and hot tears

"Well, no one came to rescue ME!.... and I'll be damned if they ever feel abandoned like that."

And it's a big therapy moment. A massive "oh.... ouch... yeah that makes sense.." moment.

"But baby you dont even give me time to try. I-... I dont know.. how to do this I.. im learning."

And so, still full of anger and paternal rage he bites he starts biting his tounge. Coming and just.. standing there. Sometimes he's glaring simply because this type of crying just dosn't sit well with his Ptsd and immediately wants to put a stop to it and give the child justice. But he waits. He waits and watches as Logan fixes it.

Once the crying stops it kind of deactivates that little soilder inside of him that so desperately wants to keep his kids safe.

"I'm their father-"

"And that didn't fucking stop mine! Now, did it?"

"But Wade, I'm not him. I'll never be him."

"My mother stood there and watched it all without a word Logan. I won't-..." He's choking on his tears. "I- REFUSE.. to be like that."

"I get that, but you have to understand that you are not her. And I am not him. I would never hit them"

"Yeah because if you did I'd fucking kill you! Like actually find a way to kill you. I would put you under, drag your ass to the middle of the fucking ocean, and watch you drown! And when they ask where you wen-"

"Wade... Wade! Stop. Breathe. I know that you're scared and I know.. that.. your brain dosn't want to trust me. That you will never be able to trust anyone 100% with them. Ever... but please. I need you to trust me at least 90. Can you give me 90?" He asks, hands on his shoulder as he can already see his husband dry heaving, tears running down his face as hes already about to slip back into that state of protective violence.

"....you get 5 minutes." He states, walking away before he ends up saying or doing something he will regret.

So he starts getting 5 minutes to fix it.

5 minutes to make it all better.

5 minutes for his actions to prove to Wade that he can be trusted. That he doesn't have to go all winter soilder on his ass the moment he hears one of the kids crying.

"Kids cry wade. Its what they do."

"Youre their father. Youre not supposed to make them cry..."

But now things are better.

Now his head will snap the other way, and watch. Staring in that direction rather if someone is talking to him or not.

"Hush."

"Excus-"

"SHUT UP... one of my babies is crying...." so he stares. Watching as Logan comes to scoop up the little tyke that skinned their knee at the park and give them kisses. The crying still happens because obviously theyre spooked and probably hurt a wee bit, but seeing him fully take care of it switches off that instant rage and he turns back like "what were you saying?"

He just can't silence that scream in his head, telling him that Logan (or someone else) is hurting them, so it needs proof that he isn't (as bad as that sounds)

Hurting his poor little babies.

Esspecially if it IS a baby. Wade would be extremely over possesive over a baby. The older the kid gets (and if they have healing factors or not) the more chilled out Wade gets. At this point he expects Laura or Gabby to say something back so when one of them run off crying without a remark it really throws him back into that "What the fuck did you do!? You have 60 seconds to explain- Go." Mode.

He knows Ellie is a little more sensitive because of her truamas kids making fun of her for not being a mutant at a mutant school, but thats what chuck wanted. He wanted humans AND mutants to succeed in his school. Though sometimes Wades voices convince him that Logan loves Ellie less because shes not his "real daughter" and so they convience wade that logan is mean to her on purpose (this is a very VERY big effect on mental health type of HC)

With their other children, depending on how young, he can't help but have dreams of Logan killing them before their powers even come through or abandon them. Hes terrified of logan just deciding one day that he doesn't want to be their father anymore and just... dipping.

Traumatized🤝Not ideal parents 🤝 Traumatized

I can imagine something happening at the school and the MOMENT Logan hears about something happening instead of going to the kid he instantly has to track down his husband like Eliza Hamilton.

"I gotta go I gotta find Wade."

"Let him know we're on his side?"

"No- He'll consider this a personal slander, I gotta stop a homicide."

"OH-"

Thinking about how protective of his kids Wade would be. Like he does not give a fuck. Logan could be a little bit too harsh and make their child cry, and Wade would unload his gun plus an entire SECOND clip into his gut and then put his foot on his throat, lean in, and be like:

"Don't you EVER talk to my fucking kids like that ever again if you want to stay in this house. You're here because I let you be. I don't need you* I can just as easily replace you** and I sure as hell won't let you treat our children like how we were raised. Do I make myself clear?" And if Logan doesn't agree within a certian amount of time, Wade would just shoot him in the head and walk away.

"....Papa?"

"Yes sweetheart?"

"...what happened to daddy?"

"Daddys taking a nap honey. He'll be alright in a couple minutes don't worry baby. Hey are you okay? You know daddy doesn't mean the things he says, right?"

The child nods, wiping tears from their eyes as Wade hugs them and kisses their head. "Daddy wasn't hugged as a kid, that's all. Hey! We should order pizza! Would you like that?"

And they nod softely but are still concerned with the fact that they saw their dad (who by now is sitting up) bleeding out on the floor two seconds ago.

"Oooh, Heeeyyy. Well, mornin' sleepy head! How was your nap. I think you had something to say to you. Don't you, Wolvie?" 😃

"I... uhm... Sorry kiddo.. I- i didnt mean to yell at you like that.."

"Awww! Great! Now we can go to Vinnies as one big happy family! Yaaayy!" 😊

The moral of this story is- Wade Wilson don't play when it comes to his kids.

*lies.

**another lie.

[memorabxlia]

Fighting for Love ━ 이한

genre: fluff, angst summary: req by @minkilicious warnings: language, toxicity, switches pov, very angsty, mentions food pairing: idol!leehan x fem!reader wc: 1.6k a/n: reposted from my old blog and personally a favorite of mine nets: @blossomnet

You never expected to meet someone like Leehan, he was your perfect match in every way. You met through a mutual friend's get-together, you were instantly drawn to his kind and caring nature, while he was drawn to your drive and ambition. You quickly became inseparable, often alternating hanging out at each other's places. 

However, as your relationship progressed, you noticed that Leehan could be quite possessive and controlling at times. You brushed it off as his way of showing love and didn't want to cause any conflict between you. You also noticed that he would often become distant and moody, but you attributed it to his stressful job as an idol.

The sunlight peeked through the curtains and landed on your face, gently waking you up from your slumber. As you slowly opened your eyes, you couldn't help but smile at the familiar surroundings of Leehan's room.

You stretched your arms above your head, feeling the warmth of the soft sheets against your skin. Leehan was still sound asleep next to you, his unruly hair sticking out in all directions. You couldn't resist running your fingers through it, making him shift and mumble in his sleep.

You took a moment to wake up and you couldn't shake the feeling like something was off. You tried to brush off the feeling and just enjoy your day together. After all, you had planned a romantic picnic in the park. However, as you got ready and headed out, You couldn't shake the strange sensation that had been lingering since you woke up.

As you drove to the park, You noticed Leehan's hands gripping the steering wheel a little tighter than usual. He seemed more tense and lost in thought, not his usual cheerful self. But when you asked him if anything was bothering him, he just smiled and said he was fine.

You decided to let it go and enjoy your picnic. Yet, throughout the day, You couldn't help but notice more and more changes in Leehan's behavior. He was quieter than usual, and his smile seemed forced. He didn't seem interested in the things you used to love doing together, like taking walks or having deep conversations.

As the sun began to set, you made your way back home. Leehan insisted on cooking dinner, something he rarely did. But even as you sat down to eat, he barely touched his food and kept glancing at his phone. You could feel that something was bothering him, and you couldn't stay silent any longer.

'Hey, Leehan. Can we talk for a minute?' you said, making him look up from his phone.

'What now?' he sighs.

'I just wanted to check in and see if everything is okay. You've been easily irritated all day.' you said trying to figure out your boyfriend.

'Oh my god, you're so nosy. He snaps at you. 

You snap back at him, eyebrows furrowing. 'I'm just trying to understand what's bothering you.'

'It's none of your damn business, that's what's bothering me! Can't you just leave me alone?' he sighs again, getting irritated at your prying.

'But I care about you and I want to help if something is bothering you. you say voice cracking slightly.

'You wouldn't understand,' he says.

'How can I know if you don't tell me?' you try to reason with him. 

'Just drop it, okay? I don't need you constantly breathing down my neck.' he said. you take a deep breath trying to keep the tears at bay.

'I'm not trying to be nosy, I just want to make sure everything is okay between us.'

'Everything is fine, okay? Can we just drop it and move on?'

'Leehan, please tell me what's wrong. I won't judge you.' you say wholeheartedly.

'You want to know the truth? I'm fucking sick of you always trying to fix everything. Can't you just let me be in a bad mood without fucking interrogating me every damn time? he says suddenly raising his voice. you jump back in surprise, not used to him raising his voice at you.

"How am I to know you were in a "bad mood" if you don't fucking tell me, I thought we were on the same page when it came to communicating how we feel but apparently not.'

Rolling his eyes he says. 'I can't deal with this right now.'

'You can't deal with this? You? We wouldn't be having this conversation if you knew how to fucking communicate better! you snapped, thoroughly getting tired of his bullshit. 

He yells back. 'We wouldn't be having this conversation if you would just let me be!' 

He huffs. 'I'm leaving-' you cut him off.

'No, I'm leaving, I need some space. I don't know what crawled up your ass this morning but before you call or text me your attitude might want to change and if not you can kiss this relationship goodbye. You grab your bag and keys leaving to your place, tears streaming down your face trying to process everything that just went on. You didn't want to cause an argument, but maybe you had pushed him too far. You just hoped that he would come back and talk to you, so you could figure things out. 

*Leehan's POV*

As I sat alone in my room, staring at the blank walls, I couldn't help but feel a deep sense of regret wash over me. It had been a week since Y/n and I had that huge fight, and she had stormed out of my apartment in tears. I had been so caught up in my own problems and stress that I didn't even notice how much I had been neglecting her.

Y/n had been my girlfriend for 5 months now, and I had always taken her for granted. I never truly appreciated her or showed her how much she meant to me. But now, as I sat here alone, I realized how much I had hurt her with my careless words and actions.

I remembered all the times she had been there for me, through my highs and lows, and how I had never truly reciprocated that love and support. I had been too selfish to see what mattered, and now I was paying the price.

I picked up my keys and drove to her house, hoping she would be there. After a few knocks, almost giving up, she finally opened the door, her voice sounding distant and cold. 'What are you doing here?'

'Y/n, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I know I've been a terrible boyfriend, and I regret every hurtful thing I said to you. I promise to make it up to you and show you how much you mean to me.'

She folds her arms and says 'It's not just about what you said, Leehan. It's about how you've been acting towards me. I thought you were my boyfriend not one of your friends.'

'I am your boyfriend, y/n. I've just been going through some personal stuff and I took it out on you. I know that's not an excuse, but I hope you can forgive me.

Her face softens. I do forgive you, but I need to know that you'll communicate with me whenever you have a bad day or just need to rant about something.

'I promise I will. You mean a lot to me, Y/N, and I don't want to lose you over something stupid like that.' I said, holding her close.

As we stood there, in each other's arms. I knew that I had been given a second chance, a chance to make things right and to show Y/N how much she meant to me. 

Over the next few weeks, I put in effort to show Y/n how much she meant to me. I planned romantic dates, surprised her with small gifts, and most importantly, I listened to her. I listened to her fears, her dreams, and her thoughts, and I realized how much I had been missing out on.

Slowly but surely, Y/n began to open up to me again. We talked about our fight, and I apologized once more, promising to never take her for granted again.

As I sit here now, with Y/n by my side, I can't help but feel grateful for the fight that brought us closer. It made me realize how much she truly meant to me and how lucky I am to have her in my life.

From that day on, I made a promise to always cherish and appreciate Y/n, and I knew that I would never let her go again.

[pseudowho]

Hi, just want to say that I've been reading most of your writing for Higuruma (I love him I love him I love him, it hurts so much to want him, your work has been satisfying my needs) but I kinda got myself to learn bits and pieces of your marriage life. My boyfriend and I are planning to get engaged next year and hopefully married before 2027.

The thought of it scares me but I know I want to settle with him. All the signs are there, I prayed and I gotten my answer right in front of my eyes, but the uncertainty of our finances and future terrifies me. So, how was it like with your and Mr Haitch? How did you know he was the one for you and how did you handle your anxieties?

Well, I spoke to him about it. The thing is with marriage, is that you're making a bet that your spouse will fully understand and support your vulnerabilities without feeling threatened. You make that bet, and it either pays off or it doesn't. If it doesn't, what then? Is this the person you're absolutely happy to be with? Is this the person who understands and wholeheartedly supports you? I'm someone who voices my anxieties to my spouse-- with @mrhaitch, I don't regret it.

Financial worry is real. Finances are also up and down, throughout the marriage. People think that it will be one continually improving upward trajectory, but it won't be. Ultimately, if you keep waiting for 'perfect finances perfect life perfect this perfect that' before getting married, you'll never get married. The point is, you're saying you know this person is the one who will be by your side, good or bad.

There will always be uncertainty in your future. Don't you want that uncertainty to be hand in hand with someone you 100% trust?

Just a thought.

Maybe not helpful.

I knew @mrhaitch was the one because he was the only one I could be 100% myself with, and he only loved me more for it. Because he was safe. Because he filled in the gaps of my weaker traits, and I did for him. Jigsaw puzzles!

Good luck. You'll do great.

Love,

-- Haitch xxx

(p.s. glad you love my Higuruma pieces. I also love, love, love, adore him.)

[starflungwaddledee]

been working on answering a prompt i received in an ask the other day, and so i'm back thinking about... the Thing... 💖🎀 and thought maybe prompt doodles might help me work through this a little?

so uhhh.... if by any wild chance anyone has any ship suggestions for starstruck...??? feel free to send them through!

[notachair]

I think... this puts to word some of what I felt was kinda of with how handled things. Some anyway. I've been trying to articulate what feels... off. It's rough so bear with me trying to untangle more of it... and I'm so sorry but this is a wall... on your post... tell me if you want me to make my own and just link to this instead.

When it comes to Jayce's little speech there's this line, as an example...

And what got me immediately here is... when have we really been shown that to be true, to "always" be true? I felt like this was an assumption put onto Viktor by the writers. Internalized ableism is a bitch, but I think they're doing a lot here with the implication of "always". Disabled folks all have our own journeys with it, but I don't think moments of falling prey to it- is something that should define his whole historic relationship to his disability. (Also one's allowed to vent about one's experiences with one's disability and the realities of how one's met with in the world, without it being taken as a diminishing of one's own worth.) And as you say, none of that really address the whys of the structural aspects affecting him both physically and mentally. Like (in regards to the internalized ableism) what is it that is constantly trying to make those shards of pain and inadequacy they'd put in him- to expand and consume, despite whatever fight he'd put up against it on either the internal or external front? And then there's also the difference between wanting to manage one's disability and... you know, hoping to cure one's *terminal* illness in fear of death's face.

I won't deny other disabled people feeling any comfort in those words. I do think there's something delicate and meaningful in having someone care for you and remind you of your worth when those shards, unwittingly or not, have spread and festered a wound in your self perception, because people keep saying it should be there and trying to create it if it's not. It's not that it can't be or isn't impactful, but... was that it? The big message? In combination with everything else, it felt more... preachy? And to a certain degree patronizing? The issue is that I felt *talked at* from someone's able-bodied* perspective. *Yes, even if Jayce no longer is non-disabled himself, that current commonality isn't emphasized, and even so- disabilities and disabled experiences aren't 1 = 1 (this applies to me too), never mind the *terminal* aspect, his leg's also an acquired disability.

Okay so what only ever Jayce apparently managed to have Viktor see, was essentially: "only you can show me that perfection perceived is not something worth seeking- an empty reward. There's beauty in imperfections", or something right? And his mode of attack was... that. Idk I am left unimpressed. I understand the point of putting value on perceived "imperfections", and that Viktor (could... actually... I had a whole section on internalized ableism I removed lol. But.)... that his disabilities could be and was perceived as "imperfections" within his new framework (btw, I saw him using the hexcore on his bad leg as a means to test out his chances for curing his terminal illness- 🤔 not really as a "I kinda just really wanted to cure my leg idk", and it would make for the most obvious results if it worked without messing with the vital organs of his torso, though he was only allowed to keep it for so long by that hexcore). But also, the philosophy he presents was more about than just his own disability or actual terminal illness (!!), it's about a flawed perspective on the general human condition, put to the extreme after Viktor became increasingly isolated (despite being surrounded by people mind and body, "we are one") and grew further detached, partly to the nature of his new existence* (*thoughts to be had here though, and also, whatever happened to the build up and clarification of to whatever degree the hexcore itself influenced him?).

Motive: on his desire to help others, emotionality.

A core part of Viktor's character is his desire to help and aid people, particularly those of the Undercity, and with Jayce it becomes about helping people through the science of hextech (a renewable and non-exhaustive energy source, I think there's a Point there) (tho I've gotta say... their presented products in S1Act2... can't say it's impossible for geniuses to be kinda dumb, it wasn't what I expected anyhow lmao). Act 3 Viktor, post-"imperfections of emotions and individual agency leads to pain and strife, as the other inextricably bound side of the coin = humanity's self-corrupting contradiction" conclusion, basically ended up out there trying to calculate himself to solving human suffering on an evolutionary level (truly Singed's apprentice that way), which was just eugenics in the end.

Even if that point of validation, of acceptance, is nice, especially when previously thought something forsaken to you... and despite what some would previously read/portray him within fandom- he DOES care about the interpersonal, like there's a reason he clings onto that goddamn tattered blanket 😭 And he continues to make a point of wanting Jayce by his side again in both act 2 and 3. But I still feel like it misses the "point" when the majority of the focus ends up on "you're doing this because of internalized ableism but I'm telling you that you matter actually, to me". I feel like it simplifies a lot to draw such conclusions of the matter, and make that the most effective point of "attack". I mean- seeing himself and what he was about to make the world into- kinda did after the mask broke a bit. But- other than Viktor's lines of "why do you persist? After everything I've done?", the "you were never broken" ends up defining this important built up scene. And I dislike this focus that completely overrides the structural issues involved, and basically works as a good-feel band-aid. I dislike the way Viktor's character motivation feels reduced to that point, with that "always" in particular, as well as the "only you" when that was the conviction made. Combating ableism 101.

Like I get he's attacking the personal projections that could drive the conviction, but he sorta kinda didn't hit all the marks there. Uh- not to say that I don't know he's just being sincere here as well, in expressing his care and love for Viktor. But I feel like it works as a deflection that shouldn't have been entirely effective on its own (yes the future-vision, but it's not emphasized in a way I'd like), story-wise anyway. I thought maybe they'd emphasize more on the emotional part, of his overall self-perception and of Viktor hurting (and not just in the "internalized ableism" way) despite however unaffected he might or might not seem (def not all gone). I can see Viktor in his state of upset and alienation of his body (and mind?)... see that hurt (grown from affection) as something, on a personal level, that holds or has held him back from actually follow up on those dreams of helping people (which become *that* in result). And with the access to the power that he has... conveniently think to attempt ridding himself of it, distancing himself, rather than process it. There's a certain... distancing happening just from that nature of having access to the experiences of so many people too, through that hivemind even if it's the most intimate thing as well and would stir a lot of emotion within him. And then there's him getting offed by Jayce in act 2 where he has his whole "two sides of the same coin" moment, and in the end, seeing "the glorious revolution" as a final calculated solution to strife (and- perhaps his own internal strife). There's something too to that "the line" sequence after being rejected in episode 8. But yea, there is a point here that could have been made in terms of valuing "imperfections" of the human condition, but it's... not really being made? "They're part of everything that makes you you, and everything that I admired about you" (paraphrasing), sure, but what about some emphasis on other things idk. He's more than that and all that, but I feel like they ironically made everything about his disabilities instead, and I'm dreading the state of readings and depictions🧍

(Btw on that note of "part of what makes you you", I did like that even the herald still had his braces and ect. fused to his body, and even glowing up in the astral plane. I liked that the ones that were "cured", was not left unmarked by the change. Of note- a lot of those people seemed to have had similar conditions to Viktor, in the sense that they affected the limbs. Pretty sure that one kid who led Jayce was the kid in a wheelchair beside Ekko in ep 7 when watching Heimerdinger's performance)

Also, I would... have liked... more of him taking a side with the Undercity though... and agency, non-agency, death, transformation…go rage some my guy 🔥

Motive: on Piltover / Zaun, the structural.

So on another point... a very important aspect here for Viktor IS that initial dream of theirs WITH the sociopolitical circumstances. Before all of the cult stuff, the main tension between Jayce and Viktor is the matter of the Undercity and how they're dealing with the hextech (I've kinda wanted to make a post about it). And similarly with catvi and the story otherwise, that element does not get as acknowledged, and it suffers for it. Their dynamic and history is not removed from its sociopolitical context. And there... is something to that shard of insecurity impacting him more than he'd thought. But what it comes back to- is the structural injustices he has been faced with both as disabled and a Zaunite/someone of the Undercity. Like his terminal illness was literally fucking because of the damn injustices Piltover inflicted upon them, majorly didn't care to fix and would punish people for protesting. And as I said, their common initial dream, was essentially about helping people through the science of hextech, like- people of the Undercity. Something which they failed to follow up on, and then Viktor was dying, accidentally involved Sky in his own risky business that resulted in her death and him getting suicidal, then- died from Jinx's attack- frankensteined in violation of his agency (!!!)- and then Viktor leaves Jayce *after seeing the hextech weapons plans* (double betrayal). And there really is something to Sky's significance here... But yea, Viktor leaves with a totem to those hopeful dreams, in order to try to help or aid people of the Undercity with the new abilities he had. Like he's not wrong for wanting to do that, I get why he'd just up and leave. His philosophy about things resulting into the idea of a "glorious evolution" to solve human strife and the details of those transformation do essentially just become eugenics in the end though (btw, whatever was their choices with "all those willing" to forceful turning...?).

I think there are ways they could have explored further nuances around all of this, but like with the other things, the journey was cut short and simplified. In a sense I'm glad he had more agency than people were speculating, but at the same time... And I think there is a Choice done in making Viktor's "glorious evolution" the bigger bad (together with Ambessa and whatever she was doing all of that for), AND that it served as a way to override majorly every other conflict by presenting a bigger bad for Zaun and Piltover to "unite against a common enemy" for. If they'd emphasized more on him being a reaction to those injustices, with a hexcore boost, to Piltover's structural injustices against the Undercity (which includes that social model of disability), then maybe it could work more. AND with it having a presence in the Viktor-Jayce confrontation/resolution. But it's more "both sides"-ing the issue, with its favour in Piltover's hands despite it all. And like- "I dreamt about giving magic to the people-" yes, but what was the reason why? I'll give him points for the "now" in "now I only want my partner back" anyhow. Idk, I don't see the disregard of the implicit "wanting to help people" part as a win. Though it's presented through the emphasis of "magic" which has been demonstrated as... sinister to a degree, but also... not? Potentially. But the magic was never THE issue.

Even on just the interpersonal level between the too (which it's not restricted to at all)- I, again, dislike this focus that completely overrides the structural issues, and works as a good-feel band-aid. It needs to extend further, and sure it does in a sense on the individual basis with his choice to stay with Viktor even when he gave him an out. But as an important message moment? It doesn't demonstrate enough to extend outside of it, because we don't see it applied in different contexts, like properly addressing his whys. And with Viktor's one line of "why do you persist? after everything I've done" "because I promised you"... it's not that what Viktor did and was about to do wasn't Fucked Up (and he was having a lot of guilt about accidentally having Sky killed, I can see him getting fixated on trying to "make up for" it somewhat after being brought back to life in his alienated body, and in a sense uh... overcompensating), but idk.. I wish there was something that extended Jayce's way too? That addressed those points of tension in their history? I am not a Jayce-hater, but I don't think he's an uncritical "hero" here. Viktor ends up having little voice at this level despite his speeches (we barely hear him talk after the mask fractured some). And the matter of his forceful transformation, is not really brought up other than potentially with "this chain of events, started with you" in that one council room confrontation. "I never asked for this!"- neither did he <3<3<3. Anyway.

THERE IS SO MUCH TO SAY. But I gotta round it up eventually, so I've cutting off all my other things that found its place on this reblog while I've had it in the drafts.

Agency, disability, biomechanics and transhumanism is a TOPIC though. A topic with many fine lines.

Thank you so much for incredible disability representation!! Huh? Uh, yeah, I guess it's okay that there's no acknowledgement of the social model of disability... Oh, our character's feelings about his body and the treatment he faced aren't really discussed in detail? I guess that's alright. 'You were never broken... there's beauty in imperfection... they made you who you are'? That could be appropriate given context, yeah! Oh, no? Not addressing his pain or the discrimination against him or the fact his disabling factors were preventable?

No acknowledgement of how the world should be made better and safer for people who actually have disabilities? Only a message of 'disabilities don't make you inherently broken' that feels aimed at abled folks? ...Okay.

Anyway... thank you for the incredible disability representation.

[wild-at-mind]

I feel like tags like these were inevitable on the post about people traumatising themselves for the greater good or w/e... There is SO much emphasis on posting on tumblr and other social media being so important and so useful and we must never stop. But I would like to counterargue with the idea that posting on social media (especially tumblr) constantly does very little/nothing. If that was true then the point here becomes meaningless.

[gender-euphowrya]

my therapist telling me i'm his point of reference when he deals with other trans patients

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I think I've been touchy lately about my feelings of access to/participation in generativity. I've been feeling really overwhelmed lately by how much needs doing and how much disparate but necessary information I'm keeping in my head. I should probably get back into my thought maps for the work on the yard and house, because I think that will make it easier for me to empty my head when I'm not actively trying to work on something.

[jkl-fff]

Ford, solemnly: Now that we're free ... Please don't hold it against Dipper that he locked us in a room together to try to make us get along.

Norman: I wasn't going to. Like, I'm not thrilled about it, but I'm not mad, either. Just mildly annoyed. It's another one of his antics. But why does it matter so much to him?

Ford: *sigh* Dipper reminds me of my younger self in a lot of ways. Good ways and bad ways. We both have a tendency to be ... obsessive and get swept up in our own excitement, for example, even to the point of being irrational despite our minds being practically hard-wired for analytical thought. And neither of us deals well with perceived rejection or betrayal.

Norman: But I didn't reject or betray him. I only said that I didn't really like you.

Ford: Yes, but like I said earlier, we're both very important to him. He sees me as a mentor and maybe ever as a role model, he sees you as his best friend--

Norman, surprised and pleased: H-he said that? He called me his "best friend"?

Ford: He's hasn't used that exact phrase, but you don't need 12 Ph.D.s to figure it out. The point is, we're both very important parts of ... of his life, of his psyche, of who he identifies with and how he sees himself. I imagine he perceives someone not liking either of us as not liking a part of himself. Hence a perceived rejection.

Norman: ... Yeah, I guess I can see that. It makes no sense, not really, but also it does sorta make sense for Dipper. He once spent a whole afternoon trying to concince me that I should like Wes Anderson, even though I just don't.

Ford: *shrug* I did say we can be irrational despite being so analytical ... I'm glad you're not mad at him. Please reassure him of that. By all means, be firm with him about not locking you in rooms and such. I'm not saying to put up with shit--Oh, damn, can I say shit in front of a child?

Norman, wryly: I won't tell a fucking soul if you won't.

Ford: Ha! Well, as I was saying, don't put up with his shit. But please reassure him this whole ... episode hasn't changed anything between you. You're still friends, even when you don't agree. I think that would be ... would be very good for him. It'll help him grow up into someone who doesn't remind me of my younger self.

Norman: ... Do I have to give the gun back now?

Ford: No, you can borrow it for the day. Have fun, just don't shoot any people or any animals or any property that I personally care about.

Norman: Cool! But ... *sigh* Okay, why did you say that thing just now about it being good for him? Gonna bug me 'til I understand.

Ford, wistfully: ... Do you know how many friends I've had in my whole life? Truly close friends, who I felt I could be truly honest with about who and what I am?

Norman, taken aback: Uh ... This isn't about you being probably bisexual, is it?

Ford: What? No--Well, maybe, I guess--

Norman: Is it going to be about Dipper being probably bisexual?

Ford, exasperated: It's about isolation, you spikey-haired ... child. I 've had 3. One was my brother, who I turned my back on because of anger, resentment, and self-absorption. I got so swept up in obsession and feeling betrayed by him over an accident, that I let it cost me my only real friend at the time. One was McGucket, who I pushed away because of obsession and a need to be a genius and a pioneer of science. I got so swept up in feeling like he was rejecting me over ... Oh, it hardly matters now, given how unstable I was. The point is, it cost me the only real friend I had again.

Norman: And the third one?

Ford, haunted: ... That was Bill. Who did actually betray and reject me--who never actually was my friend, for all that I believed he was at the time. But that didn't exactly help my fear of betrayal and rejection, as you can imagine. And all of it happened ultimately because my own obsession and tendency to be swept up in my own excitement drove me towards isolation.

Norman: Which you don't want to happen to Dipper.

Ford: Yes. I understand he also has struggled to make friends over the years, only really having Mabel for so long. Isolation again. But you Mystery Kids, with you in particular as his best friend, Norman, have helped him so much by genuinely befriending him. That's helping him learn to be more ... more grounded and more stable and ... and good. More good--better, I mean--than I was. Which I want. I want him to be better than I was. So ... yes.

Norman: Yeah.

Ford: *nods* Good.

Norman: *nods* Great ... I'm, um, gonna go blast something now.

Who knew all it took to solve your personal grievances was giving a small child an unregistered high-tech firearm?