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mithliya · 2 years ago

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Peak story time please!!!

What was the first thing that peaked you, and when did you peak (not just specifically “peak trans,” but anything “peak patriarchy”)?

okay so in terms of like “peak patriarchy” tbh it’s hard to pick one moment. i grew up in a pretty patriarchal society & country. i was already pretty sick of it from a young age bc i was basically getting called a whore, being harassed, & getting pressured by ppl within my society (luckily not my family) over me not wearing the hijab. when i was in my early teens, i faced rape & most ppl i had opened up to (most being close friends) either said it was my fault or called me a liar or basically minimised what my rapist did like it’s not a big deal to rape someone. again, was called a whore & harassed for that. then i had this one guy as a remaining friend & lucky me, happens to be a guy who had a crush on me for 4 years at this point & was persistent despite repeated rejection. eventually i felt bad and powerless bc rejecting him didn’t mean anything to him, he was arguing im “still his girlfriend” (when i said im not with him & do not want to be) and he said maybe to ME we rnt together but to him we r. anyways after putting up with that for a while, i ended it for the 50th time & he said “is it bc ur a lesbian” and i said yes. 6 months later he sends me flowers to my place in bahrain (his brother delivers it to me) & i was like wtf. so i had to end it again. and again. by that point i was pretty fed up honestly but eventually i got him to leave me alone bc he said like “stay pls maybe i can change your mind ;(“ and i said he cannot and then said if my mind changes ill hit him up. i already knew my mind wouldn’t be changed lol bc i tried not to be a lesbian for long enough to know it’s just not possible. but at least that somehow convinced him to leave me alone. but then when i was done w that situation & opened up about being a lesbian online, i got repeatedly hassled on whether id date a trans woman etc & about penises. i was a tra and was like no unm id totally date a trans woman but not with a penis bc im penis-repulsed. and ofc then i got hassled w messages like “isnt that terfy / transphobic” so at this point im like what the fuck. here’s where i started to peak. anyways like a year or two later i have my first gf right and she’s a massive TRA. im still leaning towards the TRA side but talking vocally about how sex exists & so does sex-based oppression & that lesbians are allowed not to like penis. anyways my then-gf pressures me into an open relationship & says it’s bc my body is like “too perfect” & it makes her insecure and she hates her body etc. she says that she was told that polyamory can help solve her body image issues & was convincing me of how it’d work. i was skeptical and not for having an open relationship but like how can u say no to someone u love telling u that ur the reason for their insecurities & that u can help them simply by letting them fuck other ppl??? so i was like okay fine. immediately my ex dates like 3 other ppl at once, 1 of them being a trans woman. i was against this n was like how’s this meant to help w ur body image issues … this person literally has a penis and a completely body from u… n my ex was tryna convince me that it does help somehow. anyways the trans woman wants desperately for us to become a throuple. writin detailed fantasies about me to my then-gf, made a Facebook profile set in bahrain with an arabic name with a hentai profile pic, etc. eventually my ex says “oh but i don’t think she’d be into that, she’s penis repulsed” and the tw goes all :( aw what a shame :( i hope she gets help for this :( and my ex agrees. my ex then tells me about this non-chalantly. im like erm ok… then a week later i text my ex and i say that the whole thing rly upset me. they both then proceed to gaslight me that im crazy & it’s not like that & im such a misandrist & i should be able to love trans women bc they’re women and what’s in their pants doesn’t matter. my ex switches between telling me that i should undergo some genital “exposure therapy” and telling me such therapies aren’t useful so it’s not like they want me to go there. i stand down eventually. probs peak trans there

#i ran out of words but basically the tw was outed as an abuser. we already knew but my ex said the woman who talked about the tw raping her #is a lying terf. ofc. turns out she wasn’t.#my ex ends up apologising for taking the trans woman’s side but the damage was done lol #oh and the relationship ended bc she wasn’t cheating by being w 3 other ppl at once but me getting with 1 person was cheating and she #started attacking me constantly n i was like u know what im done w this #being called a cheater bc it’s ok for her to do whatever w whoever but when it was me it’s cheating was just 2 much #even tho i didn’t lie or sneak around or anything lol i followed the same rules she did but #anyways. that peaked me. soon after that ex came out as nonbinary and started saying the f slur arguing it’s ok bc they’re a Bi Man and #saying it’s gay whether they date men or women. so. that peaked me more lol.

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femmefaggot · 2 years ago

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UMM com update incoming! idr how much of this I shared god bless + not a lot happened that isnt rly specific bc we had downtime

i was away from the group while they went to a food truck bc someone that worked there is missing

they got told the missing person (mia) was a bad cook but everyone loved her food anyway bc it made them feel good (rift confirmed there) and that she was contacted by an ex cop/current PI, luis navarro (sp?)

I ended up at rice assets, got told to make an appt and killed time for tink to explore by going in circles abt my schedule. then said I wanted to invest in the area (bc the person who is the Big Bad of this section was talking abt that) got laughed at and ultimately had to wait til work was done

(flash forward) texting Seth abt how I found who we r looking for and tink is scared of her + she makes me feel weird too (looking at her increased my clingy status effect by 1 number, or 2 pips)

got told I almost texted "I miss you" but erased it before (my choice) saying "please come here" (I very very rarely say please)

(flash forward, after food truck but before texting Seth)

rest of the group goes to where luis last was, run into his wife, find a gun w silver bullets + a silver knife. told abt "faerie ring park" as a lead

they found a drawing of [INSERT BAD RIFT HERE] and seth used prev gatekeeper knowledge re: what is weak to silver

they text info to calvin (as this is just meant to be reconnaissance) and he tells everyone to come back immediately

Seth argues in my favor, saying he's glad he didn't pledge anything to Calvin bc I Very Rarely directly ask for things/mention my feelinfs

i sic my shadow on eva rice (scary woman) and text Seth that I'll concede and go back to Calvin but will not be waiting long

DOWNTIME MOVES

the others r not my business. Seth goes to work and Calvin can tell it unsettles me, puts his hand on my shoulder and tells me he will be back soon. it is nothing but humiliating that everyone else can tell how weird I'm being

text Seth 2 meet me in neverland after he's done w work, in the meantime I try and get ppls shadows to tell me their secrets

Seth texts me that we need to talk about something (ooc I know what exactly he's referring to, IC it's a miscommunication)

i meet Seth at his island filled w giant sweets and such, start rambling like "I'm really sorry I've been acting so strangely that place is weird and you just. make me feel really really weird and I dont like it or understand it I oh sorry here's your jacket back"

Seth says that what he wanted to talk about was me "trying to stab" yan (didn't intend to stab him. he grabbed me and I flailed around w my knife til he let me go).

he said that I should apologize. "do you consider yan a friend? i think you do." (cue grimace) and I was like. i guess. if I have to.

Seth asks what I was talking about before "what?" (playing dumb) "what?" (knows I suck at being vulnerable) "I... forgot." (lying so bad) but he accepts it bc he is sweet and won't push

i make some colorful silver bullets + a silver laced chain

mc suggests me n Seth sleep in neverland

we all meet calvin next day give him info, roxie gives us various silver things he was able to make in one day, Roxie sees my bullets and pats me very hard on the back

i awkwardly apologize to yan, I'm more focused on the knife thing while to him the serious thing is that I put myself in danger. i tell him Ive never really had friends before and to me none of this seemed like a huge deal (the last part is not in those words. much less blatant re: not knowing what's normal. i did say that I've never had a friend that isn't tink tho)

I'm not sure he accepts my apology but he does give me a hug because he knows how hard it is for me.

we head 2 faerie ring park because eva rice is busy at work and we will not be able to confront her until later. the park is abandoned and "smells of decay" there was a man in a raincoat who disappeared? no. jumped into a hole. end session.

#THIS GOT LONG NVM IT EAS DETAILED #comnopt #outgoing transmission

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angeltrapz · 4 years ago

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howdy 💙 chainshipping ask time: on days when they’re feelin bad, what do they do for the other person? also favorite date night activities? + th first moment post-bathroom where they each realized they’d fallen in love w th other?

hi!! 💜

ooh I think abt this a lot actually. I think th two of them have a tendency 2 bottle things up, so it kind of takes a lil bit fr them to realize tht Hey, Someone Wants To Make Sure I'm Okay and fr them 2 then get to a place where they share how they're rly doing rather than bein like "no everything's fine wdym :)" but once they Do get past tht n r able 2 be honest w each other, it's a lot better fr both of them + honestly its own form of healing.

a lot of th time when Adam's having a bad day, he's either nonverbal or responds w as short of an answer as possible, so th big thing Lawrence does fr him is just let him know he's there when/if he's ready 2 talk + there's no stress 2 tell him what's wrong right away. tht's smth tht's rly important to Adam, n smth he appreciates greatly. often times, along w tht, Adam tends 2 seek out physical contact - so like coming up behind Lawrence while he's cooking breakfast n wrapping his arms around him, holding his hand when they're walking together, sitting close enough so their knees/shoulders/hips brush + just leaning into Lawrence's side altogether, etc. so another thing they do is either cuddle up on th couch or in th bedroom n they watch a few movies together. sometimes Lawrence will read 2 him too. it's rly all abt proximity + lil actions tht in reality r a wordless way 2 say "I'm here, it's okay, we'll get thru this together." Lawrence is patient, doesn't rush him, n stays close by. fr Adam, tht is more than enough + means th world. n it eventually leads 2 him being more comfortable voicing how he feels more often!!

Lawrence's bad days r a lil harder to catch bc even tho he knows Adam's there, he still feels a pretty intense amount of guilt + doesn't often feel tht he has like. a right 2 complain? bc I think, fr a long time, he views himself as th one most responsible fr what happened in th bathroom n how they got there. it takes a while fr him to break out of tht mindset, but th main thing Adam reminds him of is he's still here. bc Lawrence spends a lot of time thinking like, "if I wasn't a bad person, Jigsaw wldn't have chosen me or put my family in danger, therefore it's my fault + I need 2 atone somehow." Adam is aware of this, n they've found tht th best solution is fr him 2 just b very blunt n ask "well was I a bad person? was I so horrible tht Jigsaw chose me based on tht n I deserved what happened next?" n of course Lawrence will immediately be like "no of course not??? nothing u cld've done cld warrant tht?" (kinda like th way u mentioned Adam comforts William) so Adam gets to respond w "tht applies 2 u too, u know. yr not a bad person. nothing you cld've done wld warrant smth like tht, either."

n Lawrence mentally bluescreens th first time he hears Adam say tht bc it's just like. He's Right. if he doesn't think Adam is a bad person + deserved wht happened, why did he? so tht's like th big thing Adam does fr Lawrence. he reassures him tht despite his brain's best efforts 2 convince him otherwise, he is a good person who Adam loves n tht might've made mistakes, but they didn't warrant being chained to a pipe in a fucking bathroom somewhere w his family in danger + being tasked 2 kill his now-bf, christ.

favourite date night activities!! I think they're mostly p lowkey fr th most part just bc of like, th unease of potentially being around A Lot Of Ppl, but every once in a while they'll dress up a lil bit n go somewhere nice fr dinner bc Lawrence is a hopeless romantic + he likes being able 2 do tht fr Adam sometimes. Adam thought it'd be like, wayyyy too stuffy + uncomfortable esp bc it's not smth he's used to, but honestly it's rly fun n they get to spend time together, so in th end it's all fine! plus there's never any pressure 2 like, go all out w dressing up or anything, so tht's nice too. honestly, if Adam wasn't so in love w Lawrence, th way he holds his hand over th table while they skim thru th menu + talk abt what sounds good might make him think he was somehow th main character of a romcom.

a lot of times, too, they frequent this local diner tht Adam used 2 go to fr breakfast all th time when he n Scott were teenagers bc it was relatively cheap, th food was good, + th staff was full of kind ppl. the lighting is lowkey n they usually have some sort of seasonal decorations around th place, n it's just somewhere Adam feels Safe, which of course leads 2 Lawrence feeling tht way abt it too. it's rly nice fr when they still want to go out, but don't rly want to put too much effort into it (tht's not to say th diner is low-quality tho!). they're there so often some of th servers know them by name + are friendly w them, so there's tht too!

their favourite, tho, is nights in where they order takeout or delivery so tht neither of them have 2 cook (Adam is getting better w it, tho Lawrence still cooks fr th majority of th time) n they can just relax. sometimes they lay a bunch of blankets on th floor n camp out there, sometimes they make a pillow fort bc why not, n sometimes they just grab their favourite blanket n curl up on th couch while watching random TV fr background noise or movies. Adam’s head always ends up on Lawrence’s shoulder at some point. Lawrence will have an arm around his shoulder. sometimes Adam will rest his legs across Lawrence’s lap. it’s just being close + enjoying some downtime tht they both rly appreciate.

as fr th first time they realized they were in love each other... in all honesty, fr Lawrence, it was pretty much th moment Adam finally woke up in th hospital n looked at him n said “you came back fr me.” (like yr text game Still Life is Exactly how I see it happening!!) however, th first time Lawrence rly became CONSCIOUS of tht feeling n was able 2 put a name to it was honestly so simple and yet so meaningful. it was Adam standing in his kitchen th morning after he’d spent th night bc he cldn’t get to sleep on his own, too worked up n on edge n afraid 2 be alone.

it’s Adam in only a faded n too-big t-shirt n boxers trying 2 figure out how to use Lawrence’s keurig. it’s th sunlight streaming in frm th window above th sink n framing Adam’s face n turning his eyes this bright honey-green when Lawrence catches them. he’s in th middle of washing the dishes bc he’d been meaning to since th night b4, watching as Adam moves around n learns th placement of everything, his presence so natural-feeling tht it’s hard fr Lawrence to even imagine tht he hasn’t always been there. and then Adam turns 2 look at him bc he can feel him staring, his hands curled around a mug of hot coffee, eyes still half-lidded w remnants of sleep n hair a wild unruly mess, and he smiles - tht is when Lawrence truly realizes tht he loves him. he cldn’t imagine his life w/ out Adam in it. he can hardly remember how it felt to live w/ out him. tht’s when he knows.

I think fr Adam, th moment he became truly aware of how much he loved Lawrence was actually during one of his bad days where he was stuck in th mental bathroom, unable get out of his own head fr much longer than a few minutes at a time. he had gone mostly nonverbal n found the energy needed 2 keep up a conversation was just not smth he had, but instead of Lawrence being irritated by tht fact, he was going out of his way 2 be like, “I know yr not doing well, n tht’s okay, if u want 2 talk to me I’m here but if u don’t I’ll still b here anyways.” n tht’s like smth tht’s so foreign to Adam, ppl being willing 2 understand his struggles w things like speech n eye contact if he’s distressed + who don’t try 2 force him to power thru it, so tht first time he’s just sitting there on th couch, leaning against Lawrence’s side w/ his legs tucked up underneath him n w his weighted blanket covering them both, watching Lawrence fill out th crossword in th daily newspaper n just kinda coasting tht line between being present n checking out, he’s just like. Huh. This Is Nice.

bc no one’s ever rly offered tht kind of accommodation 2 him? esp not his parents, which is part of wht I mentioned earlier abt his tendency to bottle things up. neither of them have 2 say anything; it’s just comfy, reassuring, sitting so close + sharing a space while maintaining a comfortable silence bc Adam doesn’t think he can explain yet. n he looks up at Lawrence’s face, tracing th heavy line of his furrowed brows as he concentrates hard abt whatever word it is he’s trying 2 figure out, th tip of his tongue peeking out btwn his lips as he squints, occasionally mouthing a word or two, n tht’s kind of when it hits him. it’s just kind of like an internal ah, I see. Lawrence doesn’t mind tht he’s like this. he doesn’t badger him fr answers or expect him 2 be th perfect image of good mental health n is perfectly content 2 just sit w/ him as he rides it out. tht’s when Adam really gets tht this is love.

tysm fr this ask I had so much fun w it <3

#saw #adam #lawrence #thank u!!!!#I laid down earlier 2 see if it wld help but it. hasn't so #it's been. a long weekend in several different ways jdkds #I spend a lot of time thinking abt th polycule but I've spend Just As Much if not more time thinking abt these 2 lmao #spent*#long post #again. tysm!!

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faunusrights · 5 years ago

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Hey so... How do you like... Find character voices, tones and speech patterns or mannerism for your characters? Especially with so any variations on the same cast members? I really admire it, and am having trouble doing it for a story I've had outlined and a cast I've had set for years, but now the writing time cometh and I cannot for the life of me put dialogue to any of this.

WOOF this is a Big Ol Question but i will do my best to explain how i work 😞🤙 the art of dialogue is a careful one and entirely too much practice BUT we will push on

as such, stickin this under a cut

so i’m opening up with a quick flex on y’all: my dialogue is the one of very few things that was always very Good abt my writing (to the point that in uni it was one of those things ppl never even bothered commenting on cause they were like ‘idk i cant make it better lmao’) SO ive been doing dialogue for YONKS and at this point i dont rly have to Think abt it so much as just. do it. lmao

but one of the reasons i got Good was because an a monotone autistic kid i spent a lot of my early years like... listening to how ppl spoke and mimicking it because yall i used to talk At The Same Speed In The Same Tone At One Hell Of A Lick for years and tryna sound normal took me just shutting tf up and having a good listen to how other people spoke, which is my first tip: listen to people!! sit in a discord chatroom!! listen to convos in a coffee bar!! be nosy and listen in on convos!! humans r VERY GOOD at talking and we love 2 do it and theres so many types of dialogue to listen out for that will help u get better!

the other tip is thinking a lot abt personality and how that shines thru; every person i write is a very different person to the character next to them, and how they are effects how they verbalise shit; let’s take, for instance, yang and weiss, yeah?

YANG comes from a backwater island off the coast of vale; it’s a rural, outdoorsy farming community that’s very tight-knit and quite remote, which means a few things for yang’s speech patterns. ONE is that she talks in a dialect native to patch, which is a more drawl-y (yet surprisingly staccato) version of vale’s accent. it’s also SLATHERED in local slang and terms that any valian will be thoroughly unfamiliar with. we’re thinking of a mix of rural southern america and also somehow californian/australian surfer dude stereotypes??? it’s a WILD mix.

WEISS comes from the very high-class, very technologically-advanced and Strict society of atlas, which has scandinavian/germanic origins! her speech is very measured and very articulate, given the high standard of education she’s been subjected to, and her atlesian accent (again, very german-esque) can be suppressed very well in the right crowd to better fit in (tho it shows when she gets Angery). she rarely uses slang, she’s speaks very clearly, and it’s all very... prescriptive, yeah?

so yang and weiss have literally two OPPOSITE ways of speaking, built in entirely different communities for very different NEEDS and personalities. of course they dont sound like each other; it’s not just a change of location, but a change of person. even if weiss had lived on patch and yang in atlas, what you could guarantee is that weiss could still be a stickler for grammar and yang would still learn all the slang that’s used in atlas/mantle/solitas, right?

this same process can be done for any character; ruby’s manic and talks REALLYREALLYREALLY QUICKLY CAUSE SHE HAS SO MUCH TO SAY AND IF YOU STOP HER SHE’LL FORGET WHAT SHE WAS SAYING AND THEN SHE WON’T REMEMBER AND IT’LL BUG HER ALL DAY SO PLEASE LET HER JUST JUST THIS ONE REALLYREALLYREALLY LONG THOUGHT OUT FIRST PLEASE HANG ON JUST A MOMENT--

but blake is very sort of. laid back and chilled and brooding and considering revolution so for them, they speak less often, and usually in much more succinct thoughts: we’ll see a lot of one-word answers, a lot of bluntness. of course, this backfires when theyre trying to be genuine because sometimes it gets in the way! of course, compared to, say, tribelands blake, who is chieftain and is REQUIRED to be more articulate, we see a blake who is still calm and collected and therefore they speak rarely with error. all very thoughtful, a lot more like weiss.

of course, thats not even going into how they TEXT as seen in frapp logs (since how someone speaks and how someone TEXTS is like, two diff ways for speaking) which is a whole other kettle of fish that’s still impacted by a BUNCH of other factors!

dialogue, when boiled down, is basically just an extension of a character’s personality -- and it’s an IMPORTANT aspect of their personality, because speaking is how we impart a lot of our ideas and thoughts into a space that other people can, uh, interpret! a character is, ultimately, a bunch of concepts that form a person, and when they speak is when those concepts are on show for everyone to see! so WHAT those ideas are and HOW they envision those ideas informs the way their dialogue will function. are they like ruby, who thinks twice as quickly as she can get the ideas out of her mouth? are they like blake, who likes to mull things over before jumping to conclusions (unlike theyre impassioned, of course)? are they like weiss, who had her way of speaking beaten into shape by academia? or are they like yang, who speaks in a way that best allows her to connect with her community and her people? these are all distinct people and ideas!

a good way to test if theyre distinct in your writing is to write down a transcript w/o any tags or names, and see if people can tell you how many characters are in that conversation. the most distinct their voice (even if they use similar words or one another), the better chance you have at having characters with distinct speaking methods. consider every word! consider every phrase! everybody approaches speaking differently!

#murphy's advice column #WAS THIS USEFUL? PROBABLY NOT #time for lunch #ask #tumblingxelian

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nozomijoestar · 5 years ago

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Transcribed and formatted for readability the master thesis between me and @wlwclem on the nuances to NaraTrish together and as individuals being why we love it and respect it not being CompHet- we spent way too much Big Brain Energy on it to not share

tw: brief mention of F-Slur when giving an example on toxic masculinity being bullshit, sexuality is briefly discussed in a non sexualizing way and in no graphic detail

*insert IM TRISH KIN BUCCIARATI joke here*

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:45 PM

JDDBSJDBD YES bc ofc she gotta be Reassuring but at the same time his Himboism Knows No Bounds One of the lines in EoH u can give her is “Go get me an Italian Vogue magazine too while you’re at it” and I’m like. Queen

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:46 PM

JDHDHDF BDE Narancia whipped Narancia stands no chance

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:46 PM

OH FOR REAL one of HIS victory lines is something about getting all the stuff for her lmao And this is like even if she isn’t in the battle, Always Thinking Of His Queen

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:50 PM

Trish decides to test the limits of this and his ability to recognize them by asking for impossible or nonexistent items/feats and when he continues to try for her without question she realizes she has too much power and must restrain it fjdjjdjfjf Can't turn into Dad

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:51 PM

JDBDBSJS The color palette changes while she has an inner monologue while she watches him try to make her happy

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:53 PM

"Oh my god Bucciarati was right...he's too loyal for his own good I need to stop even if it's a little fun" Meanwhile Narancia: growing more and more frustrated with himself for perceived failure to someone he loves

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:55 PM

She stops for the most part but does it every so often bc it’s cute

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:56 PM

Lucky to have a freak like dat I feel like the only thing that can counter this self defeatism Narancia can get (bc his younger childhood...ofc he's fucked up and anxious and paranoid abt not being enough or abandoned) is Trish having to open her own repressed self up and love the shit out of himLike those reassuring lines she has in EoH and her moments in the anime/manga Bruno fucking does it as his father figure and Narancia admits it gives him strength

December 19, 2019

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:04 AM

Yes, he feels like he has to prove his worth and like he’s worth having around otherwise he’s useless, i def feel like he would not like talking about the stuff that happened in the past with everyone bc he would feel ashamed and stupid or st, he needs to be told You Are Enough and her to open up too so they can lean on each other

nozomijoestarToday at 12:12 AM

Honestly no jokes for a second I feel like this is also abt breaking toxic masculinity bc it's fucking Italy in the early 00s just out of the 90s...it was RIFE rifer than even now with that shit like in much of the world then too, the idea that a boy becoming a man and men in general need to strictly follow dumbass self harming rules

especially abt not opening up and only having real priorities for earning money, honoring family, and procreating as much as possible whether it's marriage making a family or "having sexual conquests" in promiscuity, anything outside of this bullshit image can't be tolerated and you might as well be a woman or "a fag" if you don't assert some fictional narrative of trying extremely hard to have power in everything bc that's all that matters is the ridiculous idea of Alpha Males applied to humans

Narancia being a 80s- 90s kid with the childhood he had did not give him much fighting chance at all in this context and time period esp just bc he happened to be born with a dick and thus saddled with these harmful expectations society made that could've only further repressed his recognition of not beating himself up and his own emotional needs on top of EVERYONE ever betraying him Where was he supposed to go? He can't go anywhere unless he meets Bruno

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:18 AM

yes i agree..... like, males being looked down upon for opening up, being societally forced to shoulder the burdens and “man up” and just deal with it and fix everything. And then already having a toxic support system with his “friend” betraying him and his dad Sucking Major Ass, all he’s been taught is deal with it but hasn’t been given the tools to know how, and if Bruno didn’t meet him he honestly would be so stuck, what person (esp in that time period) is going to go out of their way to help an uneducated young male?

nozomijoestarToday at 12:20 AM

Even if it tragically ends with his death in canon I feel like the time he spent with Bruno's bois, Giorno, and Trish was huge in making some of that crack little by littleBc he has moments where you see how sweet he actually is, his "real" personality if you will underneath all the unresolved anger when he's with ppl he sees love him and give him hope When Giorno said No One Is Going To Hurt You Anymore that just made me cry harder

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:23 AM

Yes! Like, ofc he gets angry, has unrepressed rage and reactions to things, he hasn’t had any type of emotional support in SO long and it’s not like it’s 100% fantastic in that regard with buccigang (which don’t get me wrong they are family but they are still in an aggressive gang and go off and give each other lots of shit)-YEAH AND THE FUCKIGN PLANT GROWING TOO IM

nozomijoestarToday at 12:25 AM

Trish is legit I think the one person aside from Giorno who would treat him without even the gang's aggressiveness Narancia is my fav in VA even if Bruno is the best written VA character bc he's me, this kind of shit in my life is why I developed PTSD undiagnosed since my childhood that only kept getting worse until only this year have I gotten any true help I know exactly how he feels

Esp when you think your whole life exists to serve others never yourself NaraGio shippers I see y'all argument even if I don't follow it tbh, Gio was again the only one besides Trish to consistently care for Nara in day to day and when he was in danger and esp during the Clash and Talking Heads fight Gio was the one dude present like No Narancia It's Ok Please Tell Me What's Wrong You're Clearly Stressed

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:31 AM

yeah although i haven’t experienced it i can still empathize and try to understand, i think there’s so many layers of protection and walls that most people never truly look past it to see the root cause or true self YES that fight was so frustrating bc they were all like Narancia stop being an idiot when something was clearly wrong and he was obviously in distress!!

nozomijoestarToday at 12:32 AM

Also Gio was the only one who first asserted that No, Narancia did the right thing in fighting Formaggio

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:33 AM

Yes and with that whole interaction the gang often uses Narancia as the scapegoat essentially and just give him shit for every little thing without trying to understand his POV

nozomijoestarToday at 12:33 AM

The Clash fight tbh I feel was an ass pull set up to give Narancia his big bad ass loyalty proving moment even if it's a great fight that beginning part is...only the Trish and Gio interactions rly make sense fjdjdjI wish him and Giorno hung out more or I guess more like talked more bc you can't rly hang out when you're getting assassinated every day hfgdg

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:36 AM

Yeah hdkdb, even with Fugo, even tho he found him and brought him to Bruno, he still calls him a dumbass, stabs him with a fork and shit, and then with Mista even tho I feel like they are Like Bros, he destroys Narancia’s radio for no fucking reason and also has a pattern of taking shit Narancia paid for without paying him backI def agree with that, I feel like Giorno interactions were lacking in that there really weren’t many one on one meaningful things so it��s hard for me to grasp his personal headspace and relationships a lot of the time

nozomijoestarToday at 12:37 AM

However to be a little more fair to the Bucci gang the manga version has Narancia trying a lot lot more to get their attention in logical ways that unfortunately Talking Heads completely ruins, he tried writing to let them know what was happening and TH warped the text into him saying vulgar things bragging abt his dick being a powerful Stand

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:38 AM

Yeah I was gonna add I wasn’t sure if the manga had other stuff, tbf

nozomijoestarToday at 12:38 AM

I think this is also Shounen Tropes of the 90s at play too the "child" character was often written as the comic relief dumbass Narancia suffers it so it does add a layer of Not Good to his relationships The trope still exists tbh Anime cut out him writing I assume bc it's too sexual It's already pushing it having him whip it out and piss in front of everyone jfhdhd

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:41 AM

Yeah you right, it’s like the i want it to be that deep meme, like Araki obvi doesn’t have him only as comic relief but if he delved into his character more there would’ve been so much more that could’ve been done and shown YEAH DJDBDJDJF I WAS SURPRISED THT WAS ANIMATED

------------------------[ CUT INTERMISSION ]-----------------------------

nozomijoestarToday at 12:51 AM

Ok but to get back on track with where I was trying to go even opening this all up is how it's critical to NaraTrish in a mutually beneficial way

nozomijoestarToday at 1:01 AM

Nara is no incel he's a King obvs but he is also at heart a confused scared kid uncertain of anything in the world beyond what's closest in his grasp and without someone actively believing in and validating him he can't fully achieve awareness of healthy dynamics and even the problems within the ones he already has with his gang and Bruno- Trish doesn't have to babysit him and be the stereotypical The Woman Only Supports And Gives Up Her Body bc thats never her and couldn't be her and Narancia wouldn't make her that way bc even when he kinda touches on that (giving in a bit to the idea that men are the main protectors of women) when he gets too fixated on wanting what he thinks is for her wellbeing he does snap out and acknowledge he's wrong bc

Trish by her independent nature and tremendous Will proves those stereotypes are bullshit, not even factoring in their first meeting as already making a huge impression on his beliefs of what girls can do- Trish knowing how to challenge him by staying true to herself yet having the compassion to help someone suffering and with fewer chances from birth than she had would not only win him over but give him something even Bruno can't, self sustaining confidence, bc Trish isn't part of a chain of command, she's just a girl in love with a boy who wants him to be happy and that concept while foreign to him for so long once it kicks in he could actually learn to build himself For himself and For someone who wouldn't use him for some greater schemes or dirty work,

I love Bruno ok he's one of the best characters in anything ever but his flaw in his ability to help motivate ppl is tied to that fact that he's bringing them into a dangerous strict order of command to Serve not entirely in a place/way that lets them just be themselves and realize organic loving relationships with anyone and themselves SO

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:05 AM

they’re healing...... being shown love without a position of authority or any obligations is so powerful for his growth

nozomijoestarToday at 1:25 AM

That all being said, Everything Trish does he's paying attention to, she keeps him alive during the Grateful Dead fight not because she needs him to serve for a cause ( a cause might I add even Bruno the near saint he is was ready to let Nara go right then and there for bc death is in the job description) but because she doesn't know him well yet and shit he even swung a knife at her when they first met over who was in the bathroom, but he's a person suffering and in pain and to let him die even if it's Expected Of The Mission is garbage to her even if she respects Bruno down the line as a father compared to fucking evil Diavolo,

Trish constantly goes out her way to do these things for Nara bc Trish instinctively knows he's the most vulnerable mentally and her sense of compassion and justice (likely something Donatella made sure to instill in her before her death by cherishing Trish and spoiling her even as a single mother) will not stand to not help someone when she could've- and he reciprocates it even if in disbelief bc he can tell This Person Is Safety, This Person Is Like Me Yet Not, A Better Me I Want To Be, by the time he's about to die someone with his fragile mind was actually gaining conviction about taking control for himself on his own terms and he would risk even those chances to defend the person who actually helped him arrive there (along with Gio) in the first place,

I think by the end of his life he rly did love her or start to, it being romantic or not is up to individual interpretation to which you know I'm in the romance camp, point is he found someone who truly taught him strength without him fully realizing it and did so without belittling him, if anything instead treating him only with love and kindness and patience (not being a door mat for him, but like, not treating him like ass like everyone else has their moments of either), I think anything Trish asks of him, this is all why he's so willing to do it on top of feeling deep empathy, I've written in my character notes as well that like this goes even further to sex being one of the most intimate things there is, like I kno we jest and jape abt Teens Doing Dumb Shit bc we're clowns

but the sheer vulnerability you have to have esp in a first love situation to be willing to go through with that for the first time ever takes a lot of trust and courage, aspects I think Trish was able to give him and would solidify in asking something seen as so important for many people from him, the headstrong Trish wants to be vulnerable for him and the slowly confidence boosted Narancia wants to accept that faith and trust and love and exchange it with his own of the same for her, it's not horny teens 100% it's two hurt but hopeful kids on the verge of having to be adults wanting to find another piece of identity in how they are with someone else, obvs it will forever be offscreen bc pedos deserve to be skinned alive

I just feel that the components that would fuel them to do something teens try to do to feel more adult and bc hormones are a lot more based in growing maturity than pure lust, I think this is what I fully mean by Writing About Teens Exploring Love And Sexuality; Not Fetishizing And Reveling In Showing The Act Itself Especially For Disgusting Titillation, I think this and not explicitly writing the sex are the difference between child porn and creating realistic characters

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:36 AM

Yeah, it is going to sound like a dumb take but the topic of sex and sexuality itself is not inherently sexual, by which I meant it isn’t the focus — there’s SO much more to it and in this case especially it can be like the ultimate sign of love, trust, intimacy, compassion, trying to make your way as a teen through a harsh world, like I can go on. Nasties Dont Interact but the shying away from the mere mention of it in a non-sexualized context is unrealistic.

Yes The Grateful Dead fight i 1000% agree is so important in both his personal growth and the development of their relationship, I think it’s an important parallel that he is dumbfounded about her going to such lengths to keep him alive without the sense of duty/obligation versus Trish’s feelings and outbursts of confusion on why Bucciarati and his gang even cared about her, protecting her to the point of death being on the line.(edited)

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:44 AM

all these elements of complication and similarities between their characters is why ive gotten so passionate about both them and their relationship (whether romantic or platonic it’s really fucking strong and good), the story of two kids making it through adversity, learning to unshoulder their burdens and lean on others, the Found Family™️, and learning and growing together is just so much more fucking deep and complex than the mainstream bs that exists.

now im not any type of elitist hipster but esp in male and female relationships portrayed in what feels like basically fucking everything are just like CompHet Bullshit and they’re together bc They Are Just Supposed To Be (not to mention the toxic masculinity culture within that where the women barely have character arcs and are just seen as objects anyways) But what I’m trying to say is that in this the relationship is real and it feels earned in a way that just isn’t there in so much other media out there(edited)

nozomijoestarToday at 1:48 AM

Honestly if we tweak this just a lil more this is basically Guts and Casca One of the greatest and saddest romances ever written

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:48 AM

i still have berserk bookmarked just haven’t gotten around to reading yet

nozomijoestarToday at 1:48 AM

If VA was a Seinen it's p much Berserk In Italy Also big brain...galaxy brain...everything you said was a fact signed sealed and delivered(edited)

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:51 AM

Wow we’re actually in sync and using the brain cell to its fullest extent tonight

nozomijoestarToday at 1:51 AM

When I say she's his world and he's hers this is what I mean, not comphet hdhdhfhYEAH HFHDG

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:52 AM

(also my phone autocorrected “and” to “ANF” bc of twdg..... it also sometimes changes it to “AMD” bc I work in technology. My Phone Knows My Interests Are More Important To Me Than One Of The Main Parts Of Speech. Iconic)YESSSS they’re just SO GOOD there’s so much to articulate!

nozomijoestarToday at 1:55 AM

She was his Queen, and god help anyone who disrespected his Queen

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:55 AM

JDBDHE SHIT THE FUCK IP DKDBEBDJFBBD

nozomijoestarToday at 1:56 AM

Buy my silence $8000 a month

#jojo's bizarre adventure #naratrish #narancia ghirga #trish una #we support them at everything they do ty

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perfcell · 6 years ago

Note

Do you have any tips or pieces of advice for someone who's looking to start up an rp blog for a character? I have plenty of experience roleplaying, but none of it is with tumblr.

//OH sure sure !!

lets get the technical stuff out first, make the account for your new blog in advance, before you prepare anything else because tumblr has this anti-bots security system in place which doesnt allow new blog’s posts to show up in the tags (and tags such as #indie rp, #anime rp, #insert show here rp are pretty important in getting ur blog out there). you’ll also have to follow some people, get followed back by at least one, reblog+like some posts before your stuff starts showing up in the tags

of course u can disregard the whole promotion thing and just follow people and wait for them to follow you back, but if u want new people to find you without you actively looking for them, its good to drop something in the rp tag. but again, you dont have to do any of this.

ALSO IM PUTTING THE REST UNDER READ MORE BC IT GOT LENGTHY:

so heres stuff you can prepare (or not, its totally up to you !!)

icons - a relict of dreamwidth era , not necessary but i find that they add some zest to the interactions so personally, im a fan. usually 100px x 100px u can make them fancy or not, your choice. just get some basic facial expressions (but again, you dont NEED them)

themes - some rpers pay a lot of attention to blog themes, i used to be like that but tbh rn i dont think anything beats a nice basic theme w/ a readable font. hit up theme hunter and snag a theme u like !!! OR DON’T, thats totally up to you !!!

also you can set your blog to dash only in the blog’s settings which means u dont have to bother w/ a theme !! its a popular thing in rpc nowadays !!!

oh and just a hint – id avoid using somebody’s art for icons or elements of theme… i mean sure u can credit them but hardly anybody looks at credits so idk id just avoid it altogether cuz the artists dont like that and theyre absolutely right. i used to use peoples art for icons and i had some artists reach out to me and ask that i dont do that and tbh now i cringe at my past-self for not seeing that its soo disrespectful of the artists

what to put on blog:

about page - its a page where rpers put some basic information about the character they write as. it can be super important if youre writing as an OC (not many people will follow an OC if they dont know anything about them tbh) !!! if youre writing a canon character u can just resort to filling out a basic dossier (like listing their name, age, whatever… YOU CAN USE THIS and fill out what u like). or you know, do whatever. on cell, i just wrote a piece of Something and linked his wikipedia page lol. do what you feel like, its just a thing in rp community.

rules page - slightly more important. this is where you set boundaries and introduce yourself ooc. after introductions ur expected to tell people what’s NOT ok by you, for example, you say that godmodding is not ok (godmodding is when people write in their own responses what ur character is doing), maybe shipping is not ok by you, maybe u dont want to write smut ever etc. you put all of that there and any additional info you feel the need to add (for example, asking people to tag certain triggers etc). try to browse other peoples rules pages to get the feel

verses page - some blogs have a lot of specific verses like idk, an AU in which ur character is evil etc. this is a page where u can put them and add descriptions, UP TO YOU. i find that its less important than about or rules page, focus on those 2 first, especially the rules page bc its what people usually check out first before writing with u!! add verses later !!!

how to start an rp blog:

OK so lets say you’re prepared and ready to write. i usually post a promo to announce my Arrival to the rp market. take a look at what’s in the indie rp tag for example, just to give you an idea what ppl post there. it used to be REQUIRED to post like… a graphic advertising ur blog but tbh these days u can just drop a text post (preferably with ur icon so that people know which character u write) and you say smth like ‘HELLO, a new (character here) RP blog here!!! like/reblog if youre interested in writing with me!!’ (ofc write whats natural to you, just introduce ur blog in whatever way u feel like it– OR DONT, YOU DONT HAVE TO DO THIS)

BEFORE POSTING A PROMO MAKE SURE YOUR POSTS SHOW UP IN TAGS FIRST. YOU MIGHT HAVE TO FOLLOW SOME PEOPLE FIRST (refer to this) – where to find those rp blogs?? refer to tags below.

what to tag your promo with: remember that only 5 first tags will show up in the search results. so pick some good tags, i think the most important tag is #(show/movie/books name) rp. heres my promo, u can check the tags i used there and come up with your own accordingly. and also browse these tags to find people to follow, like idk, lets say u wanna rp sb from naruto, then u hit up #naruto rp and just scroll and follow ! also avoid using swear words or nsfw words in ur promo bc tumblr will censor it lol

but remember YOU DONT HAVE TO POST A PROMO, THIS IS ENTIRELY UP TO YOU !!!!!

how to start WRITING on an rp blog:

ok so youve gathered some followers, now what. i usually just post a starter call! this is a post that people who want to write with you will like and you in turn will start a thread with them (doesnt have to be IMMEDIATELY, take ur time). you can also reblog rp memes which are like writing prompts people send to you (but i dont recommend starting ur rp blog w/ a memes barrage, people usually want to get to know your blog a little bit more before they send you a prompt).

you can also wait for other people to post starter calls and then you like them (but check their rules first !!! for example, most people have a rule about being mutuals only, which means they will write you something only if youre following each other back), which also works.

AND THATS HOW IT GOES !!! you are now writing on an rp blog. remember to take it easy and do what feels natural !!! browse some other rp blogs to get Inspired (but dont just lift things, stealing is a big no-no in the community). do what you feel comfortable with, if you dont want to make icons then dont! you’ll always find somebody who’ll write with you without icons (we just rly like them lol). be patient with others and yourself, read peoples rules, be nice, dont reblog an rp meme without sending a prompt to the person youre reblogging from (thats called reblog karma, if you dont wanna send a prompt then rb from the source), put yourself out there and UHH have fun !

#if u have any other questions feel free to ask IVE BEEN AT IT FOR A LOOONG TIME i am a fountain of knowledge #Unfortunately.#Anonymous #and again you dont have to do any ot this its jsut advice. there is no RP police that will hunt you down if you dont have an about page #those r just standards people are most familiar with !

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ingenves · 6 years ago

Text

hello angels ! the name’s moose ( she/her ) & i love bugs and poutine. it’s late af so im off to bed right away but ! i would love to plot with each and every single one of you so definitely feel free to HMU ( on here or u can ask for my discord if u prefer ) or LIKE THIS and i’ll come to u ! i don’t have a wc page or anything sorted out yet but we rollin. you can peep saskia’s pinterest board HERE for the aesthetic™

⌈ sophie turner, cisfemale, she/her ⌋ hey, is it SASKIA GRAHAM that you’re looking for? you know, the TWENTY-ONE year old ACTRESS. typically i see them hanging around NEPTUNE’S DINER so you could try there! i hear they’ve been in living in KINGSTON for ONE YEAR. gristol wouldn’t be the same without them, right? anyway, whenever i see them they make me think of fresh manicures, sweet nothings whispered in french & broken champagne bottles on a tile floor.

ok so! lil miss saskia is the only child of infamous director lloyd graham and his second wife anna, a talent agent. they split up when she was a baby and although she was born in london, she primarily grew up in paris where she lived w her father and her step mom anaïs who was just an up-and-coming designer at the time of their marriage

as u can imagine, she grew up living this extravagant and opulent lifestyle that she’s since become addicted to

it was hard to be a normal kid w the parents she had, but.....all of her friends were also a part of the same world she was. as far as her childhood goes, ofc she was super duper privileged so it wasnt HARD but it also wasnt always easy??

she started acting when she was v young. she started her career in theatre as a child actor and then occasionally making small appearances in various movies that her father was working on, but her career rly took off when she hit her teen years.

she’s got a reputation for being a scream queen, most of her filmography consisting of indie french horror and thriller movies. she’s fairly well-known in france and in europe for her work but not so much in the americas unless ur into french / foreign film ig?

her father has always had most of the control over her career. although he had no part in getting her roles, he did police what she could and couldn’t audition for and he did his best to make sure that she stayed scandal-free and out of the tabloids to avoid taking a dump on the family name u know?

which is........kind of funny bc her dad is WELL KNOWN for being horrible to work with, short-tempered, demanding, all that good stuff. he’s also just.....rude. and elitist and he thinks he’s better than everyone else even tho his movies arent even THAT good. satan himself, probably

so ofc saskia didn’t want to work w him either and it was exhausting having to be his DAUGHTER when he’s so controlling

they had this MASSIVE fight eventually, where saskia basically called him out for trying to control every aspect of her life instead of just letting her LIVE and take her career and her life in the direction she wanted to. he claimed that every single one of her accomplishments was because of HIM and because of their name and without all their money she would be nothing and that made her FURIOUS bc as much as yes, her family did help her get her foot in the door and get auditions, all of the work she’s done and every role she’s gotten was because she earned it, not because of anyone else

in an act of spite and to give her dad two big ole MIDDLE FINGERS she moved to the place her father hates the most, new york city. that’s what she told him, at least, but she settled in gristol instead, just a short drive away from the big apple

she never rly pictured herself living there since.....paris is her entire life and she’s never rly had an interest in expanding her horizons to american film but.........now that she’s tryna piss off her dad she just might :/

ditched her big fancy house for a cute lil apartment that she adores

tbqh she’s just been taking a hiatus from her career since moving, straight chillin most of the time , kind of laying low and getting her ducks in a row, letting her father stew while not knowing wtf she’s been doing for a year

but she’s bored bored BORED and she doesn’t want to go back home so she’s just getting her career going again, going to auditions and doing the whole dealio u know how it be

that abt sums it up??? let me talk abt her cancer ass now

she’s SUPER good at keeping a facade and then going home to cry herself to sleep afterwards

lowkey insecure af

riddled w trust issues

as u can tell, she is a spiteful little shit

she doesn’t like to talk abt her feelings but then.....gets offended when ppl dont realize when she’s upset or angry??? *lisa from the room vc* i don’t want to talk about it

she takes criticism very personally and will most definitely get angry at u if u criticize her in any way

wtf is a stable emotion???? she has no idea

her life is a constant cycle of overreacting to things

don’t get me WRONG she is actually quite a sweetheart but it’s when u try to call her out or break her trust that she does a fuckin flip flop and goes bananas

she out here destroying herself so no one else can :/

she gets stressed out v easily and always has to take time for herself ahdsjkfg. spa days are what keep her going

loyal af to the ppl who are loyal to her!!!!!

can be lowkey manipulative without even realizing what she’s doing. just a smooth talker rly

ok some lil extra bits for ur consideration

she rly.....had no idea how to live by herself tbqh after moving out. she was LOST. didn’t know how to do laundry or make coffee or do the dishes, she didn’t know SHIT MY GUY. for someone who is v intelligent she rly......had a hard time adjusting to Real life.

occasionally walks the runway for her step-mom but her true Passion is acting

she has to take a nap every day or else she is impossible to deal with

likes to Partay but she always texts her exes when she’s drunk :/

a sentimental BITCH!!!! keeps every letter and birthday card anyone has ever given her. she has money so like.....she prefers to receive sentimental gifts that make her lowkey soft heart Melt.

loves spontaneous trips and adventures

since moving to gristol she’s become less of a fashion bitch and more of a casual comfort hoe but.......the gal always has her nails done

she hasn’t spoken to her dad since she moved away but she talks to her step-mom almost everyday bc she adores that womaN

she absolutely.....adORES american culture. she watched a ton of american tv growing up and she idolizes that shit dude

fluent in french & english ofc!! has a lil french accent

ok that’s all i have rly thank u for reading this far if u did and if not i feel u man and i still love u

#gristolintro

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nivks · 6 years ago

Photo

i feel like #followforevers and online love letters etc etc havnt really been a thing in 2018 but u know what. thats dumb. 2019 is better and were all gonna be emotional and loving towards the people that make us feel emotions speciffically - Love! so heres a #followforever emo loveletter ashdfg gahwahh OKAY EDIT: kjhsdf i finished writing this mess and its SO LONG i am SO OSRRY i cant even SPELL im so sorry whatever im gonna post it still cos maybe hopefully simething i have to say mihgt make someone smile. just skip to ur namee. happy 2019 kids! nick WILL become a dad!.

@harryfeatjack @rightgirl @happilygryles @rocketmommy @19-million-memories @drugsnotwar @ithadmefromhello @spyro2018 @acuzena @carswinky @shiftylinguini @bourgeoix @hiatusniall @julesg @itsallaboutzarry @ihavea1dbloghelp okay we might have been close but you dont post much anymore, we might be new mutuals or like?? might just have that special follow and love from afar type thing happening but you all do make my dash a happier place and i hope 2019 is incredible for u all and u are all amazing people who do brighten my day. thanks for making 2018 better!! love u.

@chantillystars Miss Starsadrift, lover of my hart. ur so fucking BRIGHT andsweet and u always make me laugh and ur always there when im crying and u light up whatever place youre in and i know that for a fact cos when we went on holidays together you honest to god were like. the brightest and beautifulestestest in the whole street. youre also an excellent cook and the kitchen we were in was just shit. love ur snaps and msgs and how much you love gardens and flowersand sunshine. glad youve been working on feeling better about Life and its been helping cos u deserve it alllll <3<3 love u like u love yoongi. 2018 wouldve been terrible without u. @clipsandstuff your tags at times make me crack up and your love for nick is so warm and iv followed ur blog for years and youre always so consistently lovely and i hope 2019 treats u well <3 @ladsfm you barely ever have time to be on anymore but youre like. out there. living your life and i see u on instagram and ur so incredible and SMART and beaiutful and then whenever i text you a #nickupdate or more specifically a #harrynickupdate your all caps replies always make me smile so big also you are quite possibly the most lovely person iv met i lvoe you! @lordendsavior i made my url dikolasgrimshaw. for you. for me a bit too but you were that final little push. the voice of reason that said yeah! do it! thats how much i love you. akjsg anyway JOANNA you are somehow so lovely and kind but like Real at the same time and u have a way of saying your opinions that makes me wish i knew how to fucking get my thoughts out as put together? as you. idk everytime i see you like giving advice and stuff im always like YUORE SO good you really are just! so good for this world and the people you talk to. i hope everyone knows how lucky they are that gets to talk to you and stuff ily. @cashewdani your tags. iv been following your blog since like? 2013? and i have no idea what your look like and im only guessing where youre from and what youre name even is but pretty much every post you make has incredible tags and has inspired me to watch movies/tv shows that i use to skip over and you are alawys so fucking delightful to see on my dash and i feel like everytime i see you posting it brings a smile to my face. also youre writing is incredible and i feel like iv seen you posting about new jobs and new living places so i hope 2019 is super amzing for you cos you deserve it! @yourghostcat <3<3<3<3<3 gamZE you are! you ar so bright and loving and warm and sweet and gentle and FUNNY and i feel liek every single time we talk im alawys just like ‘i love you gmze’ but honselty i DO and i hope u know youre super important and im so glad i know you. every single on of youre edits are beautiful and all the work u put into them is so appreciated and ur so talented! i hope 2019 is so good to you <3 @sehunchis u barely go here anymore but im including you anyway whocares KELLY i love you. your love for vivi?? feel that. love for vivi and sehun togeth? fukcing Feel that. youre so funny and rly smart and thoughtful and u make ppl so happy by just being there and i miss being in new york with you but seeing ur tweets still makes me smile just as biggggggg lvoe you. @lollipop-popsx youre so damn funny whenever youre done with anons purposely trying to start shit but you are so so lovely to everyone else and u pretty mch always come across as genuinely happy and caring and i rly hope that you have a super amazing 2019 love uou. @fullstopmgnt again u dont go hre anymore but just in case! i LOVE you and im so GLAD ur doing better and feeling better and working on getting even better im proud of you my lovely. miss u i WILL see you soon i have gifts for youuu @meliora i was gonna say i got to hug you TWICE this year but dunkirk came out in two thousand and seventeen im a fool whatever i got to hug you ONCE this year and while thats not really a lot its still!! im so happy i got to meet u cos ur SO FUKCING lovely and beaituful and warm as a person and so chill and have such good taste in music and hair colours and i know theres been some tough times this year for you but you deserve the fucking world so i hope 2019s nothin but great stuff ILY @baaatgurl bby gir lover darling MARIE light of my life. u are! incredible and i feel like whenever we meet up im laughing and smiling constantly and even when were not together i can like. listen to audio messages u send me and even when im sad i know i got something to smile about cos ur right there! u mean a lot to me and im so so so happy we met on this dumbass website in like 2013 youre so so so important. shits been tough but 2019s gonna be The Year and 2020? were leaving australia together. @cptkirked finish the walking dead. ALJHFGLDS okay FOR REAL first of all thankyou for making me watch love actually WAIT did i tell you! when u and me watched it and my brother was like ‘that movies terrible’ HE TXT ME LIKE 2WEEKS AGO and was like ‘just rewatched love actually. i get you both now. was good movie.’ ghhhhhahh i think ur relaly great and u always make me laugh and from your tweets i feel like youve had an up and down year so i rly hope 2019s good for you in every single way cos u really deserve it. love u. @nightandstarlight milesssss we havnt talked too mcyh this year but knowin youre out there living youre life! just happy. thankyou for alays been sweet and kind and positive and making me smile. hope 2019 is beautulf for you. @plaintoast TAELOr i know 2018 has definyely had highs and lows for you but 2019 IWLL be great and u deserve honeslty SO MYCH happiness and i hope u get all of it. u are so soft and lovely i lvoe u truly. @gettingdizzy giggled when i saw your url just then dont know why. SAVANAH do u have any idea how incredble u are? ur so important and ur texts like 90% of the time make me laugh and the other 10% i wanna like fight someone on your behalf. ur smile is 100/10 and i can not wait till the day we get to MEEt. ur gonna fuckign graduate this year and finish school and 2019s really gonna be your year and i love u so mcuh. @twelvegrimmyplace LIZ! LIGHT OF MY life. u are one of hte most beautiful and funniest and ur so fucking Good and lovely and always make me smile. u also make me laugh a lot and i lvoe ur tags and ur love for nick and nick and m/esh and nick and Glasses is the reason why 2019 has to be a good year. thankyou for ebing you. love you. @erinsbreakfast cheesed real hard with my smile then as i typed your url. thankyou for always making me smile big time and making me LAUGH and thanks for loving nick the way u do. ur super sweet and super beautful and i hope 2019 is everything u dream it to be. ur incredible and i voel you. @silveredsound YOU are BEAUTUFUL and always alawys making me smile with your tags and posts and ur heavenly pictures of Harry Styles and Harry Styles’ Hair in HQ and ur thoughts about nick gshaw. thankyou for being you and i hope u know how amazing u are. i love you. happy 2019 darling. also thnakyou for the gift that was TOWEL FIC. ur a hero. and ur wrtiing is!!!!!! stuff of dreams ur so talented hoenslty @magog83 ur literally the hero that goes above and beyond for the whole nick fandom and we will never be able to thankyou enough. you are increbible and amazing and lovely and you deserve so mych happiness and good things. thaknyou for so mych youre BEAUTIFUL. @junkshop-disco every single cow i pass by in my day to day life i automtically name mabel. ur posts make me smile and ur so lovely and kind. you are so fucking talented. i hope 2019s super super lovely fro you. @kilimiria !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mariE!!!!!!!! do u KNOw how big i smile whenever i see i have msgs from you? okay i know it takes me forever to reply a lot of the time but like literally msgs from you can turn my whole day from shit to the happiest of days. thanks for existing and being you na dmaking me smile u are sososo lovely and funny and beaitufl and i hope 2019 gives you the entire world. i lveo you. @apopstarontheradio thakns for making me smile a lot this year and being funny! and kind and lovely and having a big heart. hope 2019 beings u nothin but happiness loverlyyyy @thegreenaubergine i love YOu you make me laugh and make me smile and ur so so sweet and so lvoely i really relaly hope 2019 is great for you!!!!!! @hinickgrimshaw everytime i see u posting amd ur tags i feel like. ur just really great and amzing. sounds lame typing it out auhfhahhhhh BASICALLY everytime i see you saying things and read ur tags on nick posts im just like ‘youre SO good i trust everythignu say.’ youre so so lovely and u make me smile and im pretty sure i have a screenshot of a post u made once cos it made me smile on a bad day. anwyay i hope 2019 is GREAT for u and i think ur fucking incredible and ur love for nick is so soft. @writsgrimmyblog i smiled at your url like you could see it or someting kjhasdk WRIT u are. so organised and smart and FUNNY and beautiful and LVOELY and i am soossoso lucky to know you. youre nick thoughts and posts are a joy to read and ur writing is incredible and u made grimmy appreciation fest happen whcoh was!!!!!!! i Love you. 2019 better be the best for you <3 @fapfapfashion ayhhhh!!!!!!! ZHENya. i thnk i first saw you when u started leaving anon msgs for joanna you ARE so so so soft and kind i love you so much. you ALWAS make me laugh and you have some of the best tags and i hope everyone that knows you in real life knows how lucky they are to know youuu LOVE you a lot. hope 2019s super freakin amzing. @blueskybuzz77 youre so sweet and lovely and i hope so much good happens fro you in 2018 also u make me laigh and u deserve the WOrld LOVE you @fantofirehazard ur lovely and super sweet nad ur tags make me laugh and i hope 2019 is increible for you because you deserve it a lot <3

@grimshaw @brckhmptn i would die for you.

#i am SO sorry

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citrinecoven · 6 years ago

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I need to get some things off my chest...

For the last 2 months I have been in school taking a web dev course, i came from working in retail for 8 years straight and was hoping to change my “career path”. But all kinda sorts of weirdness are going on in my school... Before i start writing about the weird stuff that goes on in school, i want to say that I have realised on my own that web dev is not for me. I need something a bit more creative, a bit less technical... maybe web design? who knows... that’s not the point. I’m just saying this to preface that school didnt make me “give up”, it just helped. Right so... I go to a school for adults that teaches lots of techie stuff like web dev, app dev, ui/ux design, etc... They use a lot of more modern teaching styles, one of them being that they heavily rely on self-learning. They also focus a lot on the job market, meaning school work is done the way it actually should be done if you were a web dev in a company.

The school also requires a 90% attendance rate in order for you to receive your certificate at the end of the course. The catch is tho if you are 30 mins+ late, you get written down as having missed a half day of class. if you are 1hr+ late, on paper, you have missed a whole day of class. So if you have really bad luck with traffic/trains/busses a few times, you could essentially be f*cked... So first day we all agree that we should text our group chat when you’re running late, just a sign of respect towards your teachers and other student. ✔️ -Cool, i definitely agree with that. This works wonderfully for the first 2 weeks, everyone is texting when they’re running a bit late and so is the teacher. Then one morning, my comrade students and i are waiting for our teacher but he’s already 10 mins late... no text... and he ended up being 2 hours late. And the next day again... This keeps going on for a while... people pay a minimum of 10k for these courses and after i got a bit fed up i did the math and turns out for every hour we don’t have a teacher in, we each lose aprox. 50£. But hey, i have a friend who works at the school so i decide to talk to her about this issue. she’s very understanding of the issue and tells me she’ll bring it up during their next staff meeting. but she says she’s sure all they will answer is that “well this is a course that is heavy on self-learning, this is what they signed up for”. 🤷‍♀️ -Fair enough lads, but hey a text like we agreed upon couldnt hurt then maybe... Then things get a bit weirder, we are in a building that houses many different companies and there is common areas with a kitchen and seating, meeting rooms etc... suddenly all the admin staff, including my friend, are sitting in the common areas all the time and my friend lets me know the school will be moving theyre renting a new building. the admin staff will already be moving there in a week so they didnt renew the rent for their offices. The next week comes around and admin are still sitting in the common area, my friend complains because they promised theyd have the keys to the new building by now and could start moving their offices. - We’ll come back to this later it’s a few days after this or a week maybe? and we all receive an email where we get asked to rate our experience at the school so far. We get all the students togheter and we get told by one of our instructors “fill out the score email, oh btw you need to rate atleast a 9 if you’re having a good time, anything below that is not acceptable“ Another student and i look at each other and make a weird face, because why are you telling us how to rate our experience? Anyways i get petty, ask them if it’s anonymous (it was) and rate them a 5 and tell them i’m not impressed with (at this point) teachers being late everyday without letting us know and using self-learning as an excuse.💁‍♀️ From the next day on, i follow class from home via video call for about a week because my lumbago+sciatica had gotten rly bad. near the end of the week my friend texts me “hey, has someone come in and talked to the class yet?” and i’m like “oh hey, i havent been in this week bcause of health issues so i dunno?” and she tells me she doesnt work there anymore and my brain is just like “??!🤯?!?” She goes on to explain to me that she had been working so hard, hitting all her targets, so when the big bosses came in and called her into a meeting room she thought they were going to praise her but instead what she got was “you’re no longer needed” together with almost all of the other staff...🙃 So i get back to school, my back is a bit better, i ask students about those ppl that came and talked to them and so basically the school is calling it quits. Now i only have a front-end web dev course, one of my friends in school has a full-stack course and now they won’t be receiving the back-end (or second half) of their course and finding a back-end web dev course is not going to be easy and will be very expensive. And throughout the day i hear so many other students talking about this and freaking out over what theyre gonna do... so we’re the next week, monday was a bank holiday, tuesday morning i go in and i’m there all alone... so i text the group and apparently theres no class today because there’s no teachers available... so i text my usual teacher to see what the plan for the week is and basically he can’t find any guest teachers and we’re essentially off all week unless anything changes (it didnt) so at this point we haven’t had class for a week, this is a short course, a week of missing information is critical... However in that week i’ve realised that this just isn’t for me, i don’t have the right way of thinking and problem-solving, it’s a bit sad but it’s fine. if it’s not for you, it just isnt.

and guess what... it’s monday and i’m in my bed writing this petty review of my school experience because there’s no class again... I have so much more to say but this is already so long...

#personal

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killapunk · 6 years ago

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the weirdest, NO, evilest, person i have every worked for

no real names are used in this piece. i refer to other weirdos and freaks throughout, sorry its a long read (i didnt intend for this) but its one of those things ya gotta settle into and believe me its a wild ride. this saga covers over three years of drama btw.

tw: mental health mentioned (inc panic attacks), chronic illness mentioned and mild sex references

i am going to single out jess. shes more evil than a weirdo but weirdo nonetheless. pete is a secondary weirdo in this saga.

i work in retail for a long time. a fashion store to be precise. i started out in one store but transferred when i started studying at uni and remained there for the majority of the retail career. during my time there i had three managers, the longest one, who is also a fucking weirdo was pete. now before i worked with pete, before he transferred to our store. i didnt like pete when i started working with him, he annoyed the fuck outta me. but my life circumstances changed and my mental health issues got very bad AND i was diagnosed with cfs so i had to disclose it w him. turns out… he was fucking mental too, very understanding, super chill. we liked the same shit. great boss. 11/10 every time.

he would be my reference for every job ever…

…but. he started gettin involved w jess. now to jess. the main character in this piece.

jess had started at the company around the same time as me and we were always on the same level until the last year or so. jess was a bit older than the average age of staff at the store (17-20) and was 23 when this drama started. she had a college diploma, went onto do something semi-successful but related to her HND. but blew all her money, moved back into her parents and started working at the store part time and then onto full time. she was like…the perfect retail girl? small, cute, slim, bubbly… always looked cool in her uniform. customers loved the fuck out of her.

jess had a bf when i first started and pete had a longstanding gf. jess and her bf ended things abt 4 or 5 months before pete and his gf. but i remember they started gettin cushy around about this time. im not sure if its cos im v sympathetic towards pete (a true kind soul who i hold v dearly in my heart) but even tho youd be thinking ‘boss abuses his power’ …jess was and still is fuckin manipulative and he has longstanding mental health issues and i just think she sorta got the ball rollin’. pete and his gf didn’t seem on good terms, i dunno the full story but it seemed like they should have broken a long time before the did.

i think the fortnight before pete and his gf broke up they were spotted hanging out together near where she lived. it was this hush hush thing that everyone giggled abt cos there was at the time talk they were fuckin. when it got out, after his breakup jess said she was ‘just being a friend’ cos he was ‘going through a tough time’.

jess got promoted to keyholder even though she didnt really (at the time) have the skills or confidence to be a keyholder. and then she started to try and fuckin control the work. back during this time, everyone who worked at the store, minus literally 3 people, had worked for the company for at least a year. the store ran very well, we were always in profit. nothing went wrong. but. she started changing processes because it 'made things easier when she was opening’. like. she made everyone tally the amount of people they served in the fitting room in one box and tally the amount of things people left behind so she could make a sales chart. idk if that’s normal in other stores but like? it was just nuts and impossible to do.we always put deliveries away out the package but not folded in a particular way. she made everyone tag and (where relevant) hang items bc she had to pick everything in the morning.

she became friends w most of the girls, including one of the supervisors. they ruled the workplace. it was a total gossip mill. she gaslit the fuck outta people. one already less-popular girl at work ended up quitting cos she kept blaming her for fuck ups, she kept getting write ups and it was impating her mental health. she spun people against her. less popular girl spoke up and called her a bully and jess acted all defensive and said she wasn’t a bully bc shed been bullied before? jess continued to fuck up the workplace. next she turned on two people in her own clique. one tbh, i think she was jealous of bc jess had always wanted to be a teacher and this gal was training to be one. the other girl was v like jess, just not a bitch… strongwilled, liked control. anyway, drama got to the point where they had to quit. waay too much drama for this textpost. at this point others started to notice n work became hostile. jess moved her girlgang clique to one of the original clique girls, a different supervisor and the other two full time staff members.

pete obv didn’t listen to people coming to him, as store manager being like… hey… there’s this major clique problem and he’d be like ‘nah everyone is just friends, jess is a bit insecure but yno things are good, people quit, its just retail. fuck it.’ jess accused everyone who didn’t get on w her as being a terrible person. those legit words. like. if someone said it was a shame x, y or z left shed rebut, nah they were shit at their job, they were a shit person. honestly. EVERYONE. was a bad person. even the nicest people in the world were the worst person, the worst at the job. she was a good person, she liked the good people. she HAD BEEN BULLIED AND WOULD NEVER BULLY. she threw the anxiety word around a lot.

once we had a staff night out and i got left alone with jess and pete at the end of the night in this terrible lil bar as i waited for someone to pick me up. this is a good point to mention jess was always weirdly jealous cos i was close to pete. fucking ridic considering he was 14 years older than me and you know my fucking boss??? this night, i was sitting right next to pete, we were both drinking, jess wasn’t (cos she likes to be in control, she even said it), he had his arm around me and was whispering something into my ear that was such a non-thing i don’t even remember. she got her phone out, started texting. he excused himself and when he returned he sat beside her. it was fucking nuts. i couldn’t believe my eyes. we had to basically carry pete out of the bar. jess said to me she was gonna drive him home cos it was on the way to hers (spoiler! it was not!). myself and pete did the open the next day. he came in wearing the same clothes. i mean, he could have just passed out and had to rush to work when he woke up. but. this guy went out a lot. he never repeated an outfit. i think jess took advantage of a very drunk him. similarly, on another night out, jess promised to drive someone home. said person got too drunk and thew up. jess refused to take them home and called them embarrassing, she gave the space in her car to pete.

i had a major bad evening shift at work concerning another staff member, kaylee. a gal who just rubbed me up the wrong way, and who didn’t like me. ill never know why but it was just one of those things where anytime i was on shift w her she would nitpick and bitch about me and just… make me feel not v good. she was possibly the laziest and rudest person i had ever worked with but someone got away with it?

i used her as a way to talk to pete about the general problems in the store (jess). and…it was fuckin surreal. i told him abt kaylee. i told him i thought jess was controlling but kinda laid off a bit like ‘i get she thinks shes doing it for good’ etc. i padded it out w a few other rly petty issues abt the store. i was actually really upset, kinda numb from life to properly let out my emotions. and then. he started cry on me. like this full-on grown man having a panic attack in front of me when i was 19, fucked on diazepam i should have never been prescribed. to this day i visualise it. me and pete were v close at this point, and like, he didn’t mention jess too much – asked me about the other girl and other issues when i came to him. we spoke about personal shit, all but jess. i kinda wonder if he didn’t have the panic attack if i would have told him his under the radar relationship w her was not on?

and then. pete sold me out in the name of jess. idk the full ins and outta everything but he had to confront the drama once and for all cos our figures were so low so he decided to blame it all on kaylee. from my understanding of the situ from a lot of ‘he said she said’ bs, pete had this big meeting w kaylee. was like. 1. do ur job right and 2. stop being rude and unapproachable. the thing is, although kaylee is rude shes one of these ppl who most ppl really liked, not in a jess/regina george theyre scared of you way but…like they thought she was a tv character and she was funny and honest. so i think she confronted some obvious allies, and jess told her, according to another staff member, that i complained about her. after hearing this i obvious went to pete and tbh, acted pretty dramatic (cos if you haven’t fucking learned already THIS STORE WAS FULL OF DRAMA QUEENS). as soon as i heard, i started texting him angrily on his day off. i remember folding something in the fitting rooms and he came up to give me a hug and i was like ‘HOW FUCKING DARE YOU TELL OTHER PEOPLE MY BUSINESS’. i confronted jess, in a lighter tone, cos i obv told pete (half) what i felt about her. jess played the fucking innocent role. like, she said something along the lines of ‘we’re both close to pete n he was so worried that when me, you and kaylee did those shifts together that something would go wrong. so he told me to keep an eye on things and that’s all i told kaylee cos she wasn’t sure why she was being targeted when so many people in this store are treating people badly. i didn’t say you reported her or anything, honestly!!!!’ queue more bs.

after this, jess didn’t bother with me but was never explicit about hating me. if there was a convo going on and i tried to join in she scolded at me for being nosey. if i was unwell (i have cfs) shed moan ‘jokingly’ that i always had to be ill. i think she ripped on me once cos i said i was late for a hand-in at uni.

her next real victim, however, was jack, my best friend in store and our supervisor. jack was getting fucked over in his supervisor role bc pete would schedule jess for anything managerial. jess started a rumour that pete didn’t trust jack bc jack fucked it at a meeting w the other stores (semi true but fucking up a meeting isn’t the end of the world). like. anything jack would be, jess would be on him. by this point 50% of the staff that were around at the start of the story HAD LEFT. jess had driven people out and had the new ones all up her arse.

pete quit. it was sudden.

not long later, facebook popped up with a fuckin ‘pete is in a relationship with jess’ status and pete has never spoken to me again. i left shortly after that, although our new manager was lovely i felt like i was working for jess.

jack ended up GETTING DEMOTED, by petes replacement who had no idea what a shitstorm she was getting herself into. the new manager PROMOTED jess and demoted jack bc she was doing all the supervisor jobs whilst jack was only doing midshifts. he didnt get shafted to the lowest pay and was instead given the title ‘trainer and authorised opener/closer’ whilst still doing the same fucking job. he transferred out, cos that shit is fucking degrading and within, like two months he was put back up his rightful position. yay for my forever work bestie. I

feel like this has been going on for too long now. i think this doesn’t do her justice. like…i cant believe someone who is NOW 26 and who got what she wanted after manipulating a mentally ill man caused so much drama and pain and tension in a fucking clothes store.

fucking horrid. im reading this completely exhausted and so i cant say much but i just feel like these people are always the ones who come out on top, and its so fucked up. im really sorry you had to deal with so many unpleasant people, and your friend as well.

i swear mediocrity and asskissing is what gets you anywhere in this world, and manipulative cunts like this jess woman take full advantage of that. it’s pretty scary, honestly. amazing how far drama can go, huh. this is why i have trust issues.

i still hope she gets her ass kicked by life, though. there has to be some sort of karmic justice somewhere

i also feel like i should say that there’s always going to be people who won’t like you for some reason. even if you don’t do anything wrong and even though everyone else thinks they’re great. no idea why this happens, but all i can say is there’s really nothing you can do. so FUCK EM (in the most metaphorical sense as they don’t deserve you giving them the time of day)

#manipulation #story sharing #submission

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incessantwhine · 3 years ago

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one thing i didn’t appreciate until i was much older is like. being kind of boring and not someone ppl really consider too much because i don’t share a lot of Big Opinions or im not exceptionally conventionally attractive and I don’t rly like any focused attention…you’re just kind of there. and that feels awful when you’re a kid and maybe you try to make friends or you go to a party or whatever and you’re just…forgettable. not even in the quirky wallflower way but just someone who’s neither here nor there. my earliest personal text posts are lamenting about being excluded, from family, from friends, whatever. just because they forgot or didn’t think about me.

but the thing about exuding ZERO main character energy is that i ended up spending so much time on the periphery of being social all I could really do was watch and learn and study. and that is an incredibly valuable tool now. my first instinct is to observe. i can’t just jump into things. but at the risk of sounding completely evil and extraordinarily conceited i think it’s gifted me an above average ability to read people and match their energies. and see their intentions. and an ability to know way, way more than i would ever let on. maybe not little details, and maybe not specific reactions—but a persons character? thats easy. it’s nearly impossible to toy with me in a way that I haven’t already thought about. i actually can’t stand people who play games with other people just for fun—just say what you mean and go. but damn if i can’t keep up with the best of them. ur not slick. no one ever is. it’s made me sharp.

I accidentally end up with a lot of personal information. and I think about that pattern a lot. people either just aren’t as careful with their words around someone who is so unremarkable; or they just like to tell things to someone who is safe because i don’t have a lot of social influence. and since I can peg people pretty quick it’s easy to be a little chameleon mirror and switch faces into something they like, and that’s a part of it too.

but i think i have also gotten good at subtly reassuring people (or just explicitly telling them) that i am loyal to a fault and don’t use that shit against them. im trustworthy. im gonna use that info to tell me boss what she wants to hear to lift her up when she’s feeling insecure and make her happy she has someone like me working for her. im gonna use that info to say raunchy things to my therapist to make her giggle and put down the weight of her awful day job for one second, and maybe make her flattered that she’s done such a good job with me. im whatever people need or want at the moment. and if it happens to be mutually beneficial? well. i don’t think that’s unfair.

I really don’t manipulate people to do harm. at my worst im doing it to see how far i can push our relationship, but even thats just for fun—there’s no ill intent about it. im not being fake or acting; I just never had a concrete sense of identity to begin with. ive never been so stubbornly myself i can’t schmooze with whoever im talking to if they’re so inclined. I am all those faces i put on, genuinely. i do wonder if it still makes me a bad person though.

because I do get what I want. always. just in a slow and steady but relentless kind of way. such small changes you don’t know why it’s happening and it just feels natural. I would never force a persons hand. but I might nudge it millimeters in the right direction over a few weeks, months, years; so that u think ur body is doing it all on it’s own. so i get that raise, that promotion. so I can flirt without consequence. I exclusively play the long game. and it works almost every time, because ik how to keep people interested now.

is that worse? who knows? idk. it’s just me and all my sins now.

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kakashis-clone · 6 years ago

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was tagged by: @nanadaim tysm <333

star sign: Capricorn

height: 1,71 m

gender: Female

birthday: 2nd January

crush: what even are crushes idk i dont have time for them; a whole lotta actors i guess lmao

earworm song: tong guo yan zheng still

movie/tv show: marvel and star trek are my comfort zone

blog why/blog content: naruto is my oldest comfort zone even tho this blog went through a lot of fandoms i think i’ll always stick with this

last thing i googled: how beouf is written

wearing/dream job/reading: baggy pants&shirt / translator in an embassy / a book from the Jack Reacher series and a whole lotta uni shit

last time i cried and why: last monday because my geopolitics teacher went too deep into conspiracy theories and spurred me into an existential crisis

me: here’s a pic of me and a random dude at bran castle

perfect date/fact about my life/regrets: watching shit and laughing a lot / um? mmorpgs basically raised me / not taking good care of my pets until a few years ago

unrequited feelings: nah i aint got time

fist fight/ditching school/plane/snake: i tried to fight my middle-school bully once and immediately regretted it bcs if he had hit back i wouldve been on the floor (he never physically bullied me and im still ashamed of my outburst) / skipping class gives me anxiety / i live for the landing moments / no probs with sneks i wish i could own one

felt like dying/phobia/done something you said you wouldn’t: i dont think i ever have no / im scared of heights big time which is kinda funny because i have no problems with planes i guess because im enclosed in something / signed up for a double major and im loving it tbh

middle name/orientation/substances: Ioana / panromantic ace i think / nothing aside from drinks

someone i miss: a family friend i used to call Captain bcs i reminded him of Snuk from Mad Jack the Pirate so i said id be the snuk to his jack

insecurity: oof wew this could mean a lot of things but i guess my biggest one is towards the future

last text: jokingly telling my best friend to go fuck herself after she corrected my grammar

dumped/stole money/gotten in a car w ppl you don’t know: got ghosted by a dude i knew for 4 years (we said we were in a relationship but rly we were too young for that but we were best friends so) / havent / one time two girls offered to give me a ride down a mountain until i caught some signal on my phone and they were super nice bless them

arrested/made out w a stranger/snuck out: no / no / and no lmao just thinking of these makes me panic

hated the way you look/witnessed a crime/pole danced: disliked but not hated; it takes so much more than looks to make me hate something / nothing lately but as kids we used to trespass sometimes / nah

opposite side of the country: im a few kms away from the very middle of the country so idk

Tagging: maybe later

#tag meme #me

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yang-squared · 7 years ago

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super soft bias tag

high key stole this from @nctexto !!!

biases, that would be fun!

❀ 1. Who’s my bias?

I have many, but Huang Renjun from NCT because we don’t speak of the one who is wrecking me hardcore.

❀ 2. What made you notice him/her?

The fact he had a snaggletooth and was still giving it his all, the way he covered his mouth and still does sometimes when smiling, and his more smooth dance compared to SM knife dancing most artists have—he’s always stood out since debut and when I found out he’s Korean but raised in China and stuff it just felt more relatable. I’d go into details bUT

❀ 3. What’s your favorite thing about him?

There is so much I could say as “favorite,” but it’s probably the fact he’s taking care of the Dreamies (especially Chenle!) and hides it under the teasing guise. He cares about the boys so much, and it shows where some groups it seems forced and fake.

❀ 4. Who would initiate skin ship more?

Not sure, but probably me? I can’t see Renjun being too big into skin ship except sneaky little things like grabbing hands under the table and stuff—in which case, he’d initiate. I’m kinda clingy with everyone lmao

❀ 5. Who would hog the blankets more?

I’m the OG NANA bc i love things warmer than most ppl bc im freezing so i’d be buried in them

❀ 6. Who would be more clingy?

Yikes me

❀ 7. Who would say i love you first?

Lowkey I say it a LOT to my friends but in relationships I’ve never really felt love so maybe Renjun ?? I feel like it’d be more of an offhand comment than an actual big confession type thing or just him doing something small that I appreciate to say I love you instead of actually saying it if that makes sense.

❀ 8. Who would be easily flustered?

Does Renjun know the word flustered he isn’t Jeno so i feel like he’d make an art joke “i’ll paint u like a french girl” and i would turn sO RED

❀ 9. What cuddling position would you two have?

I feel like it’d be facing each other under blankets, hands interlocked as we tell each other about our days and stuff. I feel like Renjun is the kind to also bury his face in someone’s neck/hair so he could do that and idk how to exPLAIN THIS I CAN SEE IT SO CLEARLY BUT

❀ 10. What colors remind you of him?

A lot of people say yellow and I kind of agree, but Renjun will always remind me the color indigo. He not only looks good in it, but his phone case is indigo and idk i can see his art snob side “it’s indigo nOT blue or purple gOD” and i also love that color and i saw his phone case and screamed bc i almost got the same one like a week before??

❀ 11. Which season would you like to spend with them?

All! Lmao but if I had to choose, maybe spring? I feel like our inner artsy side would scream and we’d wanna take cute pictures of “nature” but it’s rly of each other and just the chilly breezes walking along a river ?? soft.

❀ 12. Who would bake cookies and who would steal the batter?

Ahahahaha I love baking and I think it’d be wonderful but somehow Chenle and prolly Jisung would hear and be stealing the batter and Renjun smacking them around like usual i just wanna be best friends with nct dream?

❀ 13. Which one would make bad puns and how would the other react?

high key i would be makin bad puns esp in mandarin for his sake when i learn new things and he’d prolly roll his eyes a LOT and put me in the classic renjun chokehold but he would *clenches fists* appreicate them deep down

❀ 14. Who would want to adopt 50 dogs and cats?

i’d convince jeno to adopt 50 cats with me and chenle 50 dogs and just all the animals and be like “ok but u can’t be mad @ them so technically it was them who adopted them not me” and skskskd

❀ 15. Which one of you would nearly burn the kitchen down microwaving a poptart and who would come to the rescue?

Renjun seems like he knows what he’s doing in the kitchen but lowkey my scatterbrained self would forget smth important and he’d just “why are we together again”

❀ 16. Who likes to lean on trail railings and who pulls them back?

Both of us we’d need to be supervised by mama kun :”) but i can see him trying to get a closer look at something and me panic and grab his shirt and “reNJUN ILY UR GONNA DIE COME BACK HERE” mom mode: activated

❀ 17. What would watching a horror movie with them be like?

Idk i think we’d do a big 00 line or china line or dream+yuckhei ofc horror movie night and like everyone would be screamin even if we love them bc renjun would purposefully fuck with stuff to freak everyone out

❀ 18. Who would be the cheesy flirt and who would be the smooth flirt?

I highkey would be so cheesy and i think renjun would be rly smooth abt it (he’s friends with nana ok) and like just have that one cocky smile that’s so cute and

❀ 19. Who would be more competitive?

Renjun tries but he always loses

❀ 20. Who would have to be given reminders? (To eat, sleep, drink water, etc)

Renjun would deadass send me texts when we’re in the room together to remember stuff and i can see him writing cute lil notes on things in mandarin as i learn it and ?? ok soft

❀ 21. Who would send memes and who would send “i miss u” messages at 3am?

i think we’d both send memes at 3am that start off rly funny (prolly of the members or him) and turn into cute soft lil memes and we’d both say it at some point and video call if possible or he’d just troll me and be like “lmao sIKE i don’t have feelings” to be That Boy

#nct #nct 2018 #nct dream #huang renjun #renjun #soft bias tag #i am bein wrecked by jeno so i kinda wanna make one for him??#maybe my *other* ‘ults’#winwin #sicheng #jisung #nct jisung #park jisung #lee jeno #nct jeno #theyre all hurting me and ??#it’s soft hours!!

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dovechim · 7 years ago

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After a hectic week I can finally sit down and dedicate the next hour or so to continue my story because I really want to get to the part which I'd like to hear your opinion - and everyone else's - about!! ☆ Long Story Anon

So we kept messaging for the following days, both busy with our respective classes; but before I knew it and I can't say I was surprised, he invited me to do something again less than a week later. We're from a considerably small city, there isn't much to do around here, so we had a hard time coming up with an idea. Well, he suggested to pick me up and we'd go back to his house to eat something, to which I agreed. I was with my friend and we were both jumping around from excitement ☆ 1

Needless to say my friends all loved him; they were happy that after such a long time and with such bad luck in love I finally found what seemed to be the last guy on earth who was worth more than two seconds of my life. I knew going to his house implied something more serious than making out could happen, but honestly I didn't mind if it did. In context, he lived with his little brother and parents; where we're from it's common at our age to still live at home since we've not graduated yet ☆2

But he'd mentioned during the first date that his parents were away for an anniversary holiday and his little brother was staying with the oldest one who lived in his own apartment with his fiance; meaning we had the house for ourselves. As planned he picked me up and took me there, had some food delivered and we watched terrible horror films on netflix. He'd cheesily try to put his arm around me on the couch and I'd move closer, ending up snuggled together with my heart about to burst ☆ 3

At one point both brothers and the fiance show up with some food, for some reason and that's when I knew half his family on the second date lol. But they moved upstairs quite quickly after eating and left us alone to watch the movies. Eventually he'd kiss my cheek, not-so-subtly letting me know he wanted to KISS-kiss me, but me being the nervous little shit I am didn't really know what to do. It'd been two whole years since I even attempted to make out with someone!! ☆ 4

So he had to move even closer and he said, which I'll never forget: "you're so shy", which I wasn't surprised about, it's not common for a 22 year old to be that reserved, I guess, but with a little bit of patience that single moment turned into the best first kiss I've ever had. I was so scared he'd be a terrible kisser, like I'd experienced before bc that's just a deal breaker for me and everything else about him was so perfect; but boy...was I wrong. We ended up making out for so long that ☆5

Our lips hurt, and he didn't even try to go too far, already noticing that I wasn't the kind of girl to tear off our clothes and start fucking (not that I didn't wish I were lol), so he just held me tight and took me home eventually. God, the memory of his kisses will never leave my mind. To this day I still get butterflies because it was the kind of kiss that makes you feel like your bodies fit together and makes your toes curl :') ☆ 6

im so soft for you and him already :”)))) it’s so sweet that he wasn't afraid of scaring you off and still went for it!! a lot of guys i know are hesitant about dating an inexperienced girl bc they’re scared they will scare her off, and once my friend asked me how he should chase after a girl who has never dated. i literally got so pissed lmao i just said “just fucking treat her like a fucking normal person!!! what are you intending to do that might scare her off???”

We had a third date after that, about a week later. We went out to eat and it was the day he started posting instagram stories with me and tbh I was surprised. In our generation it takes more than just a couple of dates for a guy to 'announce' he's not 'single' anymore. You know, like if he had intention of seeing other girls at the same time he wouldn't be parading me around for everyone to see, which only fed my hopes of him being 'the one' even more ☆ 7

omg yes :/ the dating culture is so complicated lmao like ppl can be going out with different people at the same time and there’s a certain time after which you’re considered exclusive... it’s so tiring tbh

Another week passed and out of the blue he was asking me to meet his parents. He was very lowkey about it; he said he missed me, mentioning they'd returned from NY and asking if we could meet again that night, but "my parents would be there too, is that a problem?" lol. So I said no, obviously, even though I was shitting my pants, I'd never met a boy's parents in that context before but he seemed excited. He picked me up and we drove back to his place where they were waiting for me ☆ 8

I decided I didn't want to read too much into it back then, but still couldn't help but notice that the older borther+fiance had dropped plans to go to dinner with us so 'the whole family would be there to meet me'. Did that mean him bringing a girl home wasn't that common? Was I actually that special? As if I didn't notice myself falling fast and hard for me enough, his whole family welcomed me with huge open arms. His little brother, extroverted as they come at the age of 10 did everything ☆9

To include me in the conversations; the older brother would tell embarrassing stories. The parents, both doctors, both dating since college and pretty much the whole family (fiancee included) were some of the most welcoming people I'd ever met. They treated me like a family member from the very beginning and noticing how nervous I was they would try to make the dinner as easy going as they could. The guy in question, let's call him Jed? Would hold my hand under the table to calm me down ☆ 10

Or rub soothing circles over my the fabric of my jeans to distract me when a family member would embarrass him. I fell in love with his family as fast as I fell in love with him and I just couldn't believe I'd found someone so perfect. We'd make out until our lips were sore and he'd drop me off at home always leaving me with a feeling of sadness that I had to say goodbye. He made me so happy that I started to go out more, meeting my friends I was just in such a good mood because of him ☆ 11

no you must have been so nervous!!!!! i mean i get that he was low key but still... parents are a big deal. i hope his intentions were rly pure and that he was that into you!! but im glad they were nice :”)

I'd even dare to say he made me a better person in ways only I can understand. He'd text me what he was doing or who he was with every day, all the time, even if I didn't ask -which I never did. Sure, he wasn't perfect; sometimes he'd forget we had plans. I have a feeling he lied to me a couple of times but about nothing really major; sometimes he'd be in a bad mood and be sarcastic and annoying af but honestly nothing too bad. All in all I had absolutely nothing to complain about him☆ 12

It wasn't until around a month and a half into the 'relationship' that we went out for drinks and then back to his place that he tried to have sex with me (he'd waited to bring it up more than any other guy I'd ever met lol). I didn't directly tell him I was a virgin, he kinda guessed, and he was more than okay with it, even saying 'I'll wait as long as you want to'; and damn I didn't really want to wait that long, it was just that the time was never right! ☆ 13

At this point we'd both had dinner with his parents several times already. They told me in that household they'd set the habit of having dinner together every night, and were more than happy to let me into their little tradition. At more casual nights we'd sit down and watch some film on netflix, the parents and little brother always moving upstairs at the end and leaving us both alone to make out some more lol. I was even invited to his dad's birthday dinner at a fancy ass restaurant ☆ 14

this is so cute 😭 im just very ugh whenever a guy kinda hints at sex bc dude u gotta make me WANT it not just ask for it :/ but it sounds like he was super respectful!! and tbh im just very bad with other ppl’s parents, but his sounds rly perfect 😭 do such ppl even exist??? i cant even remember the last time i ate w my family :/

So by the third month I already felt part of that family tbh. I'd cooked alongside the mother like lifelong friends, and sat down for coffee after dinner to talk about how fast technology is moving with his dad. His little brother would tell jokes or ask me to teach him some guitar and I think they began to love me as much and as fast as I loved them, honestly. I was even invited to the dog's birthday part lmfao I was just unable to attend but was kindly provided with video memories ☆ 15

Everything was going so perfect, I think we could've lasted so much longer but maybe just the timing wasn't right. I still remember him dearly though, but back then I had my heart broken so bad that I simply wish I'd never met him. What hurt the most was growing so attached to his family and then out of the blue, and without a single chance to say goodbye I never saw any of them again. I should've known life isn't a movie or a book and nothing that starts so well can end just as happily ☆ 16

WHY ARE YOU USING PAST TENSE?????????? NO!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO SHAKEN RIGHT NOW bc this feels like that part in a book where the author’s just leading u towards that horribly devastating ending and that’s exactly what ur doing 😭

The last night I went to his house - btw we never visited MY house because MY family as much as I love them to death aren't as welcoming as his was with me, so until I knew FOR SURE this guy and I were serious, I decided to suggest activities that required not being at my place lol - the whole evening started weirdly. He'd been taking longer than usual to text me, and it was getting too late so I though we just weren't doing anything but he insisted he wanted to see me ☆ 17

And fuck, I wanted to see him to, once or twice a week just wasn't enough anymore and I missed his touch so badly. So I agreed for him to pick me up, even though he kind of strung me along for a few hours. By the time he picked me up I hadn't eaten, not knowing wth we were going to do but he said he'd had dinner before picking me up. Why would he though? He knew we had plans, which usually involved dinner, why not wait for me for eating? Either way, I'd missed him, I wasn't about to fight ☆ 18

We reached his place and his mom was already going upstairs for sleeping along with the little brother; the father was performing a surgery so we were alone at the living room together. He was a little tense and I didn't understand why, he said he was tired because he'd had class up until late and I asked if he just wanted me to leave but he asked me not to; he wanted to see me, he wanted me to stay. We cuddled on the couch and I had to wake him back up several times, growing annoyed ☆ 19

And when the dad got home he quickly got up and pretended to do something in the kitchen. The man had to eat and we had to wait for him to leave to sit back together, the whole situation was awkward af. I was wondering if I should just call a cab and leave, but he insisted not to. At around 2am (it was a friday) while making out he asked if I wanted to go up to his room, to which I said yes. He knew what that meant, so he was excited about it, going upstairs to check if his room was clear ☆ 20

Damn, I hit ask limit again :'( I'll have to leave it here right now but I swear I'll get to the point eventually lol I'm sorry!! also thank you for giving me your patience and space to tell this story, I feel like this way I can tell it without filters about what really happened or how I felt and actually receive honest unbiased opinions

omg i literally cannot believe u ended right there??????? i hate tumblr’s ask limit. im on the edge of my seat right now!!! thank you for taking the time to send me these, im so invested in ur story now its insane!!

come back whenever you have time bb

#answered #long story anon #Anonymous

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