#someone just please aim the nukes at us at this point

[estherruth-jonsatrash]

There are really still people who think Dany won’t do anything awful and will have a happy ending or at least a heroic death in the books?

Them: Dany would never hurt innocents!

The Meereenese Blot Essays:

Since the first book, Dany has been tormented by the innocent lives lost when she unleashes violence and war. Now, she has apparently resolved to stop letting all this bother her. Her new “fire and blood” approach just seems likely to lead to many more Astapors and thousands more Hazzeas. But in this chapter Dany seems prepared to write them off, as sad but necessary collateral damage of her embracing her true “dragon” self and who she was “made to be.” The dragons, and Dany’s own violent impulses, will no longer be chained. She has given into her greatest fear — herself.

[...]

But when you look past the unreliable narrator and POV-character bias, Martin’s aim becomes clear. The whole plotline is designed to maneuver Dany into a mental place where she’ll decide to sideline her concerns for innocent life, and take what she wants with fire and blood. Martin’s triumph is in handling this character development in such a natural and organic way. He gives Dany as much agency as he can — her hand is never truly forced by the Harpy or slavers. He presents her with incredibly difficult situations, places her core values into conflict, and makes her choose. Her choices first go one way — then another.

Now, the transformation is complete. The Dany we knew at the end of ASOS is gone. The one who reaches Westeros will be a very different person. The dragons are now unchained, and the gloves are off.

https://meereeneseblot.wordpress.com/2013/10/05/untangling-the-meereenese-knot-part-iv-a-darker-daenerys/

GRRM discussing the Meereenese Blot Essays:

I read those when someone pointed them out to me, and I was really pleased with them, because at least one guy got it. He got it completely, he knew exactly what I was trying to do there, and evidently I did it well enough for people who were paying attention.

https://www.westeros.org/Citadel/SSM/Entry/Stockholm_and_Archipelacon_Report

I’m sure it will be better done in the books, but I really wish people would stop acting like Dany isn’t going to “go dark” (of course ignores her already existing darkness + profiting from slavery) in the books and that she’ll always protect innocents and would never hurt them. GRRM has made it clear she’ll sideline concerns for innocent life. It doesn’t necessarily mean she wants innocent people to die, but she considers them expendable (which fits her show actions btw: she tells Jon that Cersei ‘used their innocence’ against her--i.e. she’ll show everyone such tactics won’t work on her) in her quest for power, and that is bad enough for a person with the fantasy-equivalent of nukes to do some serious damage. It’s bad enough that such a person can’t be the hero of the story.

Dark Dany was not a show invention.

[pandoraborn]

Cruelty of the Beast - Part 15

( previous. )

-----

Characters: c!Puffy, c!Quackity, c!Tubbo Word count: 2069 words Content: major character death (referring to Tommy’s prison death), grief, memorials, manhandling, quackity talks sense into tubbo, talk of war, impending doom, dragons, war is coming

-----

Nothing can ever go right in this place. Tubbo has never felt more angry or isolated in his life, with no one close he can fall back on. It had always either been him and Tommy, or him and Ranboo. Ranboo had already made it clear that he was sticking with Dream, but had left Tommy’s situation vague.

Tubbo is tired of arguing with everyone over it. He’s tired of everyone telling him to move on from Tommy, and it shows in the way he keeps his back pressed against the wall, with a crying Michael clinging to his leg. It shows in the way Tubbo is glaring furiously at Puffy with tears forming in his eyes. He’s seconds away from grabbing a weapon and lashing out at her.

“I can’t watch you do this to yourself anymore!” She cries out. “It’s killing all of us, you need to open  your eyes, please!”

“I don’t know when all of you decided to give up on Tommy, but I sure as hell am not.” Tubbo’s voice is flat as he tightens his grip on Michael. Having to explain to the toddler that his papa isn’t ever coming home was bad enough, Tubbo doesn’t want to have to explain about Uncle Tommy, either. “What’s happened to you, Puffy? You swore you’d protect him. You swore you’d never give up on him. So now that he got into one fight with Quackity, suddenly he needs to be treated like some war criminal? Remember what happened last time we isolated him?”

“Tubbo, I know. I really don’t think this is a misunderstanding this time.”

“It’s always a misunderstanding!” Tubbo snarls. His lip curls back as his hands tremble. “Everything everyone feels about Tommy is one giant misunderstanding! No one ever actually pays attention to him! You think I’m going to turn my back on him? I’ve already done that, I’m not doing it again.”

“Tubbo, he threatened Quackity,” Puffy tries to reason. “He plainly said he wasn’t coming home. We have to assume he’s working with Dream and Wilbur.”

“I’m calling bullshit,” Tubbo snaps. “Tommy hates both of them. He also hates Technoblade. Quackity up and disappeared for months without telling any of us what he was up to. His lands words were even ‘don’t trust anyone’. Why would I trust him?”

“Because he was there, Tubbo. He spoke to Tommy, to Ranboo, to Techno...we have to trust him on this.”  Puffy pulls back to text someone on her communicator. Without thinking, Tubbo snatches it from her hands and tosses it hard against the opposite wall. The noise has Michael crying even more louder.

“Tubbo!”

“I’m not falling for this bullshit,” Tubbo snarls. “I’ll break it again if you dare insinuate Tommy went and allied himself with the people who hurt him the most. We’re his friends. It’s up to us to save him and bring him back.” Crouching down, Tubbo wraps his arms around his son, holding him tightly. Michael whimpers.

“Papa,” Michael whines. “Where’s Papa?”

“It’s okay,” Tubbo whispers. “Daddy’s got you. You’re safe with me.” A pointed glare is aimed in Puffy’s direction. “Puffy was just leaving.”

“No,” she responds. “You need someone, I’m not leaving you alone to deal with this anymore. We have to face the truth.”

“There is no truth,” he mutters. Tubbo at least stands up, gently pulling away from Michael .”I need to put my son to bed, and you need to leave. I don’t want  you here anymore.”

There’s no sound from her as she picks up the communicator. It’s not completely broken, but the screen is cracked and hard to read right now. Puffy tries to brush away some of the dust.

“Tubbo, I really want to help you.”

“Unless your help is trying to find and bring my best friend back home, I don’t want it.” They stare each other down. Tubbo doesn’t hear his door opening and closing. He doesn’t hear the footsteps until a hand snatches him by his shirt and slams him roughly against the wall.

Tubbo winces, stifling back a yelp of pain as he stares into Quackity’s eyes. “Tubbo, I’m going to tell it to you straight. The Tommy we knew died in that prison. As far as we’re concerned, Tommy is dead. You need to open your eyes, Tubbo, and come to terms with the fact that we’re all you have left. Your best friend? Your husband? They’re gone, and they’re not coming back.”

“No.”

“Puffy, take the runt upstairs,” Quackity instructs. “Tubbo and I are going for a walk.” Quackity doesn’t wait for her to respond as he drags Tubbo outside. “I want to show you something,” he continues.

Tubbo struggles to keep up, forcing his feet to keep moving. Quackity had become far stronger in his bizarre absences, and admittedly, Tubbo is scared of him. He doesn’t dare try to pull away though, rather letting Quackity drag him around.

They continue moving until they’re at the memorial Tubbo had built. Tubbo doesn’t want to be here, he wants to go back home. This place brings back awful memories that he’d tried so hard to suppress, and it’s like Quackity is forcing Tubbo to relive all the trauma and agony that had brought them to this point.

“Read the sign, Tubbo.”

He tries to turn his head away. “No, I can’t.” It’s not a stretch, his eyes are already blurring. “Please let me go.”

The older man shoves him forward hard enough that he almost trips and face-plants into the sign. “Read it, Tubbo!”

With shaky breath, Tubbo blinks in an attempt to clear his vision long enough to focus on the sign. “In..in the memory of T-Tommy...” Everything is threatening to spill over. Gripping the edges the stone the sign’s placed on, Tubbo tries to still his trembling body. It’s not working. It’s also not stopping the flood of memories that come back.

From Tommy being exiled.

Dream manipulating Tubbo.

Dream humiliating Tubbo in front of everyone.

Tubbo giving up and accepting defeat...

Losing Tommy to death.

“He...he was take-taken from us too soon.” Tubbo’s breath is barely a wheeze as he finishes. This is just as embarrassing as being told  he sucked in front of the entire server. Back then, he hadn’t cried. This time, he’s barely holding himself together.

“Why did you build this?” Quackity asks.

“Because he was dead...he was killed in the prison.”

Quackity lets down, sitting down on the bench. He does pull Tubbo down with him. “I’ve been poking around Tubbo. I found this, and I found other memorials for Tommy. Statues, that Puffy, Eret and other people built. He was great to all of us.”

“So why...” Tubbo pauses to swipe his sleeve across his face. “Why doesn’t anyone care enough anymore to save him? He’s...”

“He was my best friend too, at one point.” Quackity’s voice is more gentle. “There was a time I’d have done anything for him. But the Tommy I encountered just now isn’t the Tommy I knew. He wasn’t anyone’s Tommy. He was mean and harsh, and he knew exactly what he was doing and who he was siding with.”

“I don’t understand.” It’s as if all the anger had evaporated. Tubbo hates Quackity’s approach, he hates the manhandling, but even Tubbo has to admit it’s more effective than Puffy’s mothering approach. It doesn’t mean he understands anything. He probably never will.

“Tommy died, Tubbo. He died in the prison, and he came back at Dream’s hand. We have to assume that Dream fucked with him somehow in a way we can’t fix, because otherwise we’re all going to be asking the same questions forever, and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life asking why.”

“But...it’s Tommy. We can’t just...”

“Tommy’s dead, Tubbo. You didn’t spent time making this entire memorial for him only for it to be thrown back in your face. Puffy didn’t build a statue of him only for him to threaten me. None of us mourned his death, only for him to pick Dream. He’s dead, and gone, and we have to assume that the new Tommy is some imposter.”

For the first time since the prison break, Tubbo feels his heart breaking. He’d been living in denial for so long, always holding out hope that one of his two soul mates would come rushing back to him. Even after meeting with Ranboo, Tubbo had held some tiny sliver of hope that Ranboo would’ve changed his mind and come running back.

But deep down inside, Tubbo had always known. He’d always known that there was no going back, that the prison break had just been the beginning of the end.

Leaning against Quackity, Tubbo swallows back a sob. He’s not going to cry now, that’s better saved for when he’s alone with only Michael to hear him. Right now, he needs to be the tactician. At least Quackity’s pulling him in for a hug.

“I’m sorry, Tubbo,” Quackity whispers. “You still have us. The entire SMP is always on your side, you know this.”

“We need a plan.”

“I talked to Sam already,” Quackity says. Sitting up straight, Tubbo clears his throat, trying to compose himself. “Sam’s already making weapons, and he’s already spread the word to others. Eret’s making preparations to protect the kingdom.”

“I need to fortify Snowchester.” Tubbo clears his throat again before standing up. Priority one is getting away from this stupid memorial. The thought of burning it to the ground crosses his mind. “I can’t let anything happen to Michael.”

“So, talk to people. You have allies, Tubbo. You have Puffy, Sam, me, probably Jack. Eret, and so many others who are willing to pick up a weapon and fight.”

“I have an armory.” Tubbo’s eyes glisten.

“What are you talking about?”

“I have all of Dream’s stuff. His armor, some weapons, and even some potions. God apples.”

Quackity stares at him for a moment.

“I even have nukes,” Tubbo finishes in a whisper.

“They have tons of explosions,” Quackity says slowly. “But I don’t think even they can fight back if we use a nuke.”

Tubbo wags a finger, narrowing his eyes. “No, this is going to be on my terms. I’m not launching one at people we still care about. Just because they’ve decided to start some civil war doesn’t mean we’re just going to kill them. I want care and precision with this.” He turns to walk back toward Snowchester. “I have to think about my son first and foremost.”

“Okay, wait,” Quackity says. “How many people know you have nukes? I can tell-”

“Not many,” admits Tubbo. “Jack knows. T...oh, shit.” Tubbo’s eyes open wide as he stops in place. No, freezes completely. “No, no no no, shit!”

“Tubbo, what’s wrong?” Quackity, alarmed, grabs at Tubbo’s arm and shakes him. “Talk to me! What’s wrong?”

“Tommy and Ranboo,” Tubbo whispers. “They both know.”

There’s a long pause before the realization catches up to the older man. “Tubbo! You realize they could come here a...” he trails off.

In the distance, the prison alarms sound. They had since been rewired to alert Sam of intruders into the SMP, programming them to announce the arrival of hostile enemies. The alarms sounding now doesn’t mean anything good for the SMP or any of the aligning territories.

Quackity slowly turns back to Tubbo, gripping him tighter. With a whine, Tubbo yanks back, turning to march back toward Snowchester again.

Following close behind, Quackity glances in the direction of the prison. His blood is freezing in his veins at the thought of what’s to come.

“Tubbo, there’s no time for care and precision anymore. We have no time to prepare for anything.”

“I know,” Tubbo murmurs. “Quackity, Ranboo insinuated something to me that I didn’t understand til now.”

“What?”

“They have a dragon.”

“How..” Quackity swallows. “How the fuck do you know that from whatever vague words he said to you? You can’t possibly piece-” he’s cut off when Tubbo points. It’s dark as shit and hard to make out anything in the night sky, but Quackity follows his finger toward the prison.

In the distance, barely outlined, is the shape of something that’s only growing bigger. Big enough that Quackity can now hear the roar.

“Tubbo?” He hums as he reaches into his pack for his sword. “Get the nukes.”

[olivarryprompts]

Fanfic Friday #7

Welcome to Fanfic Friday! Each Friday I will post a new fanfic here and on A03. Enjoy x

Read and save it on A03 here https://archiveofourown.org/works/32577124

{the anatomy of caring}

Ships: minor stevetony, focused on Tony & Peter

Warnings: none, it’s just fluff :)

Wc: 2355

It was obvious to anyone who knew the two well. It was Steve and Tony, Iron Man and the Captain. It simply made sense. If the logic wasn’t enough, the two looked at home with one and another. They slipped together like puzzle pieces. Tony always helped Steve through the confusion of a new world, and Steve always knew just how to help Tony deal with the anxiety of their reality. They were the perfect couple, and they both knew that.

Then, the spiderling came along. Tony saw a mirror image of himself in Spiderman. A young, ambitious boy who had the curse and gift of superhuman powers. He defied death each day he swung between buildings, and Tony couldn’t help but be enthralled. He couldn’t help but figure out who the kid was (It was pretty easy to figure out it was a kid, considering he only showed up outside of school hours). Steve, knowing his lover so well, knew instantly how protective Tony felt over the kid he’d merely stalked on the internet.

So when Tony explained the plan to show up at Peter’s with the “Stark Internship” it was no surprise to the captain. To the rest of the team, who’d all moved into the tower, it was a complete shock. The fact that Tony Stark, genius, billionaire, playboy, wanted to help this kid hone his powers and skills.

“You,” Bruce said, “Want to help this kid..what? Be a superhero?” “Well, someone’s gotta,” Tony explained like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Someone has to?” Nat questioned. “He can’t go around swinging off rooftops and beating up bad guys without any training. Or backup.” “Correct me if I am wrong, but didn’t your idiot ass do that?” Sam questioned. “I was not a kid. And I had money, friends, people,” Tony wildly gesticulated. “I am beyond confused,” Nat laughed. “Same train as Romanoff,” Clint agreed. “Guys, this is not that hard. Come on. Let’s take this scenario. He ends up meeting some guys, and, instead of, say, winning, he loses. And either he dies, or gets badly injured. Who does he have? No one? He bleeds out. He’s a kid for fuck sake.” “Cap’s been awfully quiet,” Clint pointed out. “What? I knew this was coming days ago,” Steve explained with a smile, “I know my man. He wasn't just gonna let this kid get himself into trouble if he could do anything about it. Plus, Tony doesn’t keep tabs, he violently invades lives.” Tony shot him a look. “With love, invades with lots and lots of love,” he quickly fixes, flashing his million dollar smile at his boy. Tony just rolled his eyes and focused on addressing the group, “Look, I know it’s a lot, but I think it’s just what I have to do. And I own the tower, so, my choice,” he said with a hint of banter in his voice. Tony headed towards the elevator. “Where the hell are you going?” Sam asked. “The spiderling’s.”

Tony left before he could hear any of the exasperated responses. It was a fair drive down to Queen’s where the boy lived. He parked outside the small building, and he then climbed the seven flights of stairs to the apartment. He knocked on the door and greeted, “Hello, I’m Tony, Tony Stark.” He smiled his media smile, extending a hand towards May. “I-I know. Mr. Stark, hello, w-what are you doing here?” “Well, your nephew Peter applied for the Steptember Grant, and well, he got it,” Tony said, thrusting all the enthusiasm he could muster. He maintained his fabricated nonchalant, disregarding manner in most places. “Wow this is, this is incredible! Peter will be home any minute now. Come in, come in. Can I get you a drink?”

He was back at the tower, recapping his meeting with Peter to Cap. “-can you believe no one knows? Well, now it's knew. No one knew this kid was swinging around. And he got these powers with no one to help him through it, and god, it must have been awful. But, he’s good, Cap, he’s so good. He feels the need to help people, beyond just guilt. He’s, he’s-” “Tones,” Steve said, kissing his cheek, “Take a deep breath.” To be fair to the man, he hadn’t slept for at least 36 hours. With all that coffee in his system he had the right to be a bit uncomposed. The two were sitting at the breakfast bar, well Tony was sitting and Steve was behind it, cooking some eggs for the younger man. “I’m just glad I found him before he killed himself trying to save the world.” “Me too. How long has it been since you’ve slept?” “J?” “Sir, it has been 36 hours.“ “Tonyyyy,” Steve said, clearly disappointed. “Steveeee.” “I’m forcing you to bed.” “I have work to do. Plus it’s only eight o’clock.” “Eat then sleep, honey,” Steve said in that voice that you just didn’t ignore.

C2

At first the “Stark Internship” started as Tony upgrading Peter’s suit, monitoring his patrols, and teaching how to fight. Well, Natasha taught him how to fight. After she offered, Tony was in no place to deny. It was overwhelming to Peter. He was being taught about tech with Tony Stark and being taught how to fight from the black widow.

For the first couple weeks, he was a nervous wreck in the tower. He’d hardly speak to anyone and only do and touch what he was told to. He’d change, head straight to the gym, and then Natasha would train him. At first, the training was silent, other than Nat’s coaching. Then, slowly, the two began talking. It started with Nat asking how he first got his power, then it moved to her first missions, and then suddenly Nat knew a lot about Peter. And Peter was one of the few people in the world who knew a lot about Natasha. “-so what, you fought alien robots sent by Thor’s brother?” “Yeah, that's about right. I had to get up to one of the buildings, so, with Cap’s shield as my trampoline, I launched myself onto one of their flying machines. Pretty fun time up there.” “Holy shit, that’s incredible. How’d you stop them?” Peter knew how the battle had gone down, afterall he’d been in New York during the attack, but it was something else hearing it from an actual Avenger. “Well, it was quite complicated. The scientist-” Nat reminded him to keep his wrist straight. He made the fix, and went back to punching the bag. She launched back into the tale,”The scientist, remember him, who Loki’d controlled woke up mid battle. He’d installed a death switch for the portal, but to access it we needed the scepter. But, the thing is, the government basically sent a nuke toward New York in an effort to contain the aliens, so Tony grabbed the nuke and aimed from inside of the portal and threw it at their main spacecraft. This turned off all of the alien tech. He was a he-” “Hey Kid, Nat. Please don’t tell me you're telling the New York story,” Tony said from the entrance. “Hi Mr. Stark.” Nat rolled her eyes, “I am telling the New York story. You were a he-” “Don’t say it. You almost done?” “I’ll call it. Good job today kid.” “Thanks.”

Similar to the gym, he’d become far more comfortable around Tony and in his lab. At first he’d sit silently, doing his work. Then he got used to Tony’s eccentric tendencies, he memorized the layout and where everything was, and he’d also been unofficially given a workspace. It became easier and easier to feel comfortable. The late night coffee and deep chats were simply a bonus. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, it felt like he had a father figure. It was nice.

One day, Tony was vibin’ to ACDC and chatting with Steve whilst working on Mock 50 of his new suit design when Peter showed up. Steve being in the lab was something Peter had also become accustomed to. “Jarvis, please get some good music on in here. Queen perhaps?” Peter requested. He did it to annoy Mr. Stark, and it did just that. “Hey kid,” Cap said. “Don’t “hey kid” him,” Mr. Stark said, faking anger, “Did you just insult my music? How dare you? I am revoking all Jarvis privileges.” Peter laughed alongside Cap. “Sir, you can’t do that. I quite like the kid, and the innovations he is creating require my attention.” “Why did I program you to have a goddamn personality?” Tony said, focusing back to his work, “And Jarvis, put the quality music back now.” “Anway, how was school?” Steve asked. “Good, yeah. The same really. We had another one of your “fitness” videos for class today. Real good,” Peter joked. “Oh god, please don’t tell me they really use those.” “They really use those,” Peter smiled, “I’m going for a shower. See you in a flash.” “Wrong superhero, kid,” Mr. Stark called. “Idiot,” Peter heard Cap mutter into the top of Mr. Stark’s head.

Upon returning, he noticed the absence of the team leader. “Where did Cap go?” “Actual work or something stupid like that.” Peter just smiled as he settled down at his workstation. He wanted to try out some new formulas for his web fluid. He’d had an idea in spanish class, and scribbled it down in his notebook. He fished for it in his backpack.

It was so easy. Too easy. And so so comfortable.

C3

“Come on, I’ve got something to show you.”

Peter had just finished sparring with Nat, and Tony, unusually, came up to the gym to “collect” him. He hadn’t done that for months. Mainly because Peter stopped coming straight down to Tony’s lab. Instead, he went to the kitchen and, mainly because Steve forced him, ate some food. He usually ended up in a random chat with Sam or Bucky. Occasionally he would catch Banner, and he’d end up in a different laboratory. He was always happy to learn about what the incredible doctor was up to. Sometimes, he was even able to provide a suggestion or two. Bruce always looked impressed by the boy. It made Peter smile.

Then he would actually make his way down to the lab, but not before trying to find Hawkeye. He'd wanted to learn some tricks with the bow and arrow. Somehow, Clint would be dragged into teaching Peter how to fire a bow once a week. At least. Clint pretended he minded through teasing and jokes, but realistically he loved hearing about the kid’s week. He’d always been good with kids. It became a running joke that Clint would let Peter know about all the tech upgrades he wanted, and then Peter’d report them to Tony. Most of the time Tony replied with something snarky like, “Tell the idiot he shouldn’t have picked a dumbass weapon like a bow and arrow,” or “do it yourself if you care that much.”

The Avengers Tower had become home just as much as his apartment in Queens was, and it was clear that Tony knew that. Hence the, “Come on, I’ve got something to show you.” He took the little Avenger to the elevator, hitting floor 80. He was a little confused given that floors 75-90 were all bedroom floors for the avengers or just spare bedrooms. “Mr. Stark-” “You’ll see, kid.” In reality, Tony was nervous. He and Steve decided a while back that Peter deserved his own space in the tower, but he had been scared that Peter wouldn’t like it. That he picked the wrong colours, or mattress, or well, anything.

The doors opened and there were two doors facing one another. Tony opened one of them with a key he pulled out of his black suit. The door opened and he was met by a beautiful and modern room. It had a huge bed and tv. There was a desk equipped with the latest stark Holographic technology. In the corner was a suit, specifically a spider suit. That is when it clicked. “Mr. Stark, is, is this all mine?” “Yeah kid, sorry if you don’t like anything. Cap and I did the best we could knowing what you like. And ye-” Peter cut him off with a hug, “thank you.” “Anything for you, kid. Just say the word. Want a tour?” Peter eagerly nodded. “Alright so that’s the bed, obviously. No more sleeping in the guest rooms or that couch in the worksho-” “You sleep ther-” “Don’t say that I sleep there, I am no role model for sleep schedules.” Peter just smiled. “This is a little workshop area I mocked up. You can’t really tinker up here, but do all the designing you want,” he pulled up the most recent project Peter was working on, “Then, just through there is the bathroom, a little lounge area over there and yeah, that’s all. Oh, there’s two mini fridges by the lounge area.” Just as Tony finished his explanation, Steve showed up. “Tones, you showed it to him without me,” Cap complained. “Sorry, babes, you took too long.” he turned around and placed a little kiss on his lips. “It’s fine. How do you like it Pete?” “It’s, it’s-” Peter couldn’t think of any words to describe how incredible it was to have a room at the Avengers Tower, but more importantly how incredible it was to have so many people looking out for him. Before he had just one, Aunt May. She is amazing, but he’d always longed for just a little more. Then, with the Avengers, he’d been given a lot more. They became his family. And now his home. “Thank you,” was all Peter could muster before falling onto the floor.

The two of them, now in each other's arms, just looked down fondly at the boy. “We did good,” Cap whispered. “We did good,” Tony agreed. They did good with more than just the room.

[real-jaune-isms]

RWBY Volume 8 Chapter 12 Review/Remix: Creation

For only having a couple major set pieces, this was one of the most plot dense chapters we’ve ever seen from this show. Some of those were a lot time coming and satisfying as hell, and some came right out of nowhere to massive speculation and theorizing to follow. But goddamn if I didn’t love every minute of it, so let’s mosey on through to see just why that is.

We open, as many of these chapters have been want to do, with shots of the Grimm causing chaos and destruction, in this case Teryx attacking airships. JNR fly by in a ship of their own, and looking rather concerned as they approach Atlas Academy. Why the shot was framed quite like this I’m not totally sure, because it looks like they’re approaching the city itself from quite far away when really they should have been approaching from the outskirts and flying over the city itself, considering where the Schnee estate is located. Ironwood is waiting for Penny at the landing site at the entrance to the Academy, just as he and Ruby had agreed on, and he’s got a new toy. Both pistols of Due Process have been slotted into the back sides of a larger firearm, a veritable hand cannon that needs both grips just to keep steadily aimed. I think it’s safe to call this the Gun-gun we had been joking would be coming eventually since the early Volumes. The Ace Ops are backing him up, and we see a few Atlesian Knight robots loading the bomb onto an airship so he can nuke Mantle at a moment’s notice just as he warned. The citizens of Mantle are out of the mines and looking very apprehensive about the whole thing, and we are right there with them. Just as the bots have finished loading the bomb and are about to leave they start getting shot down. Ironwood warns the Ace Ops to be ready for any altered state Penny might be in and any trouble her friends might try to cause. Harriet is all to ready to follow through on the general’s terms and put down any brat who tries to interfere, and this whole thing seems to finally give Vine pause. He’s not stopping now, how can he, but he’s reflecting on the path to get here and only now has some amount of remorse about it. Elm winces at the mention of that too, while my MCU fan mind had to stop and chuckle at a pale bald man with energy powers musing on philosophy and ethics so close after the end of WandaVision. Not intentional, obviously, but a great coincidence. Ironwood gets a ping that there are intruders in the hangar, and they all surmise that’s Robyn and Qrow trying to interfere with the bombing. Harriet is ready as hell for a chance to beat them bloody after all this time STILL believing they’re Clover’s killers, but Elm makes a good point that they can’t just leave to do that because Ironwood will need backup here. Lucky for all of them, Winter is here to provide the general just that, so the other three are free to deal with their fugitive problem. With a quiet moment between them, Winter tries to see if Ironwood can be talked down one last time. He doesn’t want to hear it, and she admits she knows it would be impossible to try.

Penny soars in and lands in front of them, surrendering herself to a pair of cuffs and surprising Ironwood a bit in actually coming alone. She says she’s obeying his order because above all she wants to stop further death and she must open the Vault. The virus coming back a little to compel her to this end, or just frequently repeated phrase for the sake of simplicity? Unclear. Ironwood finally lowers the gun-gun he was pointing at her and puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder to tell her she’s done the right thing. In a cadence very much not her own, she agrees she has, and all illusions are dropped. It Was Emerald All Along!~ And JNR as well as Oscar are standing a few yards behind her along with the airship she must have been masking the approach of with the sound of “Penny” flying in. As shocked realization dawns on his face, James is kicked in the chin by a backflipping Emerald. His gun flies out of his grasp and she catches it with a grin before disappearing. Damn she really has been getting good with her Semblance! Down in the hangar, the Ace Ops arrive to see the jailbirds slicing and blasting a ton of robot soldiers. Just as they’re about to join the fray Marrow is heard giving a command and his former teammates are left frozen under the power of a Semblance they never seemed to give its due diligence. The assembled Huntsmen and Huntresses start attacking Ironwood and he counters the first few attacks rather well. I’m sure he must be pretty damn shocked to see Oscar still alive after shooting him into a pit, and for that matter probably Jaune and Ren too with what Harriet told him about their mission into Monstra. That and how little sleep he’s probably gotten recently make it very likely willpower and his Semblance are the only things keeping him going at this point, so who are we to be shocked if he starts losing to their superior numbers? And start losing he does, because Winter is on their side and helps Nora bash him upside the head. Winter and Oscar charge at James on the back of a summoned Manticore, but he grabs it by the horns and stops it dead in its tracks. So they leap off and Winter hits him in the back with some ice while he’s busy destroying the summon. With another glyph she springboards Oscar back at James and he gives him the old rapidfire cane jab. It knocks his Aura pretty low by the looks of the flickers, but he still recovers and stops Oscar on the next swing. Before he can punch the poor boy any more than Hazel already has in the last 12 hours, Winter does the most anime move these series has yet to offer us and darts past her old boss to slice him at lightning fast speed. It’s a badass sight that I cannot describe with enough words so please just watch for yourself. With that, Ironwood’s Aura is broken and he passes out then and there. Qrow and Robyn apologize for freezing the Ace Ops like this, but these times call for hard choices. Emerald reappears to get uncuffed and Winter tells the five of them to move on to Phase 2.

We flash back to the end of the last episode where Ruby decides taking Penny to the Vault might be a risk worth taking, and we see Jaune and Ozcar immediately pick up on what she’s thinking. Why not try and use the Staff of Creation and hope it can work a twofold miracle of saving Penny and all the people of these two cities? Just then Weiss gets a text from Winter, and the gears start turning in our minds how this whole plan came together. We see Winter shoving Marrow into an elevator and looking very grumpy about the whole experience. He correctly guesses she’s not arresting him, but damn if he doesn’t get why she had to punch him to get him outta here. She rightfully tells him it was to make it look believable and she just saved his life thank you very much. He notices she’s texting someone and asks whom, and she says getting in touch with Weiss for some help is something she should have done a long time ago. Just then the elevator doors open and we get the payoff to who Robyn and Qrow were so surprised to see last episode: These two. Winter quickly sees this as a chance for even more help, and I think it is the happiest she’s ever been to see Qrow. Shifting back to Schnee manor, Weiss is going over the risks of this plan of theirs to the other 10 teens. Oscar pipes up with another danger, Atlas falling as soon as the Staff is used for anything new. The cover story about Gravity Dust keeping the kingdom afloat was only half wrong, there really is a large amount at the base of the landmass that will slow the descent a bit, but it will still be a cataclysmic landing. Jaune suggests using the Staff to get everyone in the danger areas to somewhere safe, possibly even another Kingdom, but Oscar says it doesn’t just work that easily. Especially not with HIM involved. The Staff has a sentient presence you have to deal with to make anything happen, but he’s a real card this one. He gives you what you ask for and only what you ask for, so you have to be specific and provide details or even blueprints for how to make what you’re asking for. Lucky for them Whitley has access to the layouts of Atlas and Mantle due to preparing for their earlier evacuation plan, so they’re off to a very good start. Oz still worries about Ironwood and the bomb at this point, but Weiss assures him they have a good plan for that. And we just saw what that was and how well it worked.

So now we get to see what Team RWBY is doing while ORNJ is handling Ironwood and whatever else Winter is having them do, flying an airship up to the hole Oscar left in the bottom of the Vault and having Ruby use her new Semblance skill to carry the rest of her team and Penny up through that and into the Vault itself. Klein and the other Schnees are also aboard the airship cuz someone needed to fly it and they weren’t gonna stick around in the mansion after the Kingdom starts falling. Ruby can basically fly now, no big deal it’s totally fine this doesn’t make her OP as hell, WHAT???? Okay I’m done. They get to the Vault door and with a shoulder to lean on and a few supportive words Penny opens it no problem. In the split second before Penny starts self-terminating now that this objective is completed, RWBY zooms into the grassy meadow inside this cold winter Kingdom’s vault on another Rose Express and Ruby grabs the Staff. Time stops as we see Winter escorting James to a cell in the brig right next to her other manipulative father figure Jacques, OJNRE are in front of some sort of computer monitor, and various other shots of what people are up to at this second are shown. In a cloud of blue mist emerges a man every bit as big blue and naked as Jinn was, but while she was thicc he is jacked. I don’t know how to describe his light blue hair but it’s got a ponytail so that’s fun. He seems charismatic af with a voice many assumed was Matt Mercer but is not, and seems he’s still a little steamed over how boring a request making Atlas float was. Ruby gets his attention and we learn his name is Ambrosius. When faced with a request to stop Penny from dying, Ambros informs them a limitation of his powers is resurrecting the dead. So everyone theorizing the Staff could bring back Pyrrha, or Clover, or any other beloved character were disappointed to be proven wrong. But bringing back the dead isn’t what Ruby is after, and once Ambrosius sees for himself just how atypical of a girl Penny is he understands their intention clearly. He lets them know of his rules, he is essentially a monkey’s paw and what you get may be exactly what you asked for but not what you hoped to get. They knew about this technicality problem too, so they brought Penny’s blueprints and ask him word for word to “Make a new version of her using her exact same robotic parts”. The robot parts are what have the virus, and once they use the Staff to make something new that infected robot Penny will cease to exist. But if he only removes the robot parts that will leave behind the life and soul that truly makes her Penny. It’s also not within his power to directly destroy, apparently, but it wouldn’t be killing her because it’s leaving her existing with just her soul. Yang flexes her prosthetic arm to illustrate their point that the mechanical parts are just extra. Ambrosius is enthusiastic to give this a try, but he has no idea what the finished product would be, so Ruby encourages him to get a little creative with it. He’s eager to give it a try but does warn them he can’t guarantee what the results will be, but they insist they have no other options and he does a sort of dance in the air like a full body orchestra conduction. Penny starts floating in swirls of blue mist, and in a flash of white light one becomes two. With his job done, Ambros fades away with a wink.

All of Atlas starts shaking, and ORNJE take that as their cue to start their next task: broadcasting to all of Atlas and Mantle a warning that Atlas is falling. Jaune is the one to deliver the message after some troubles figuring out how to get it working, but before he can offer any reassurance that a plan is in motion to save the masses... the broadcast is cut short along with all communications in the Kingdom. My money is on Watts being responsible, but maybe it was Atlas command on a hunch of what Ironwood would want them to do. James himself didn’t tell them to cut it off, cuz he’s still unconscious in a jail cell. Speaking of those cells, Jacques demands answers on what the hell is going on from his eldest daughter. She asserts that they will be getting everyone to safety and leaving the falling rubble to Salem for all the good it’ll do her, but Jacques is still worried he won’t be among those saved. Winter hesitates but tells him that yes he will be evacuated too. He thanks her profusely but she refuses to accept that credit. If he wants to be grateful he has to thank Weiss for deciding to free him, and that news shuts him up right quick. Weiss has been his least favorite child, yet she’s still the one to show him mercy and kindness because that’s the sort of woman she’s always been and he tried to stamp that humanity out of her. What an ass he must feel like.

Back down in the Vault, two Penny’s stand before RWBY. One looks like we’ve always known her, but starts moving and jerking around robotically with red eyes and sparks flying out of it as it collapses to the ground. The other has bare human legs, no gloves, no power sign on her neck ribbon, a natural fabric bow in her hair, and aside from that is every bit the sweet and good girl we’ve come to know. Some people say this was a mistake or a bad move to take away what made her such a unique character but... they really didn’t. She was able to grow outside of the limitations of the body she came into existence with and now lives purely as who she has always felt herself being inside. And that’s pretty cool. She’s naturally very disturbed to see another version of herself collapsing and dying right in front of her, but feels a lot better getting to hug Ruby. Penny never knew a hug could make you feel this warm inside, and gives hugs to the rest of Team RWBY. It’s very very cute and we’re all glad to see she’s doing so well now. 

With this taken care of it’s time to summon Ambrosius for the evacuation creation. He seems to have no concept of time because he doesn’t realize how little time has passed and is surprised to see they’re the ones who summoned him again. And considering how thorough they were with the last request he’s probably bummed he won’t get to pull a fast one on with a request this time either. They try and ask him to make doorways all over Atlas and Mantle that will all become a single doorway in Vacuo, but he requires too much complex metaphysics and space time bending to make that happen so they alter course. Make a central location all the doorways in Atlas and Mantle will open into, and then have a single door in that big new place that will open in Vacuo. He wants to know just what kind of central location they would have in mind, and Yang says he should make one that exists outside of Remnant’s reality just like the Vaults seem to. He commends them for being so smart about it, but acknowledges that could end up being foolishness instead. As a point of reference for the doorway system, or perhaps just for where in Atlas and Mantle they should be opening, Weiss shows him a series of blueprints for the layout of the Snowshoe shipping hub and how it connects to Atlas. Using that basis he makes dozens if not a hundred or two doorways all over the two cities. They’re big gold ovals with pale blue centers, and on the other side is a big empty black void with a series of narrow walkways without and sort of railings connecting all the portals to a single large one at the end of all the converging paths. Very dangerous if anyone ends up tripping or knocking anyone else over. People are very confused to see these things suddenly pop up, but we see Joanna hesitantly step through one and see just what the deal is. Realizing it’s their way out she seems to go back and tell the others. I gotta admit, the look of this large doorway in the midst of a barren rocky place like this gave me serious ending of Kingdom Hearts 1 vibes, and I half expected Mickey Mouse to be on the other side talking about the Door to Darkness. But that’s just me. Satisfied that the job is done, they thank Ambros who tells them they were indeed disappointingly thorough and they can go now. As they head out the broken robo Penny fades away to blue dust and real Penny is rather shaken to bear witness to that. Before he disappears into the Staff for who knows how long now, Ambrosius delivers one last warning about the world of doors and paths they just created. Do Not Fall. With that ominous warning ringing in their minds the five young women head into the doorway before them with the intent to go to Vacuo with everyone else and the hope in their hearts that they’re not forgetting anything important. We see Cinder wearing a hooded cloak in the midst of a crowd about to head into one of these portals, and it becomes very clear what important thing they may not have taken into account.

Time to wait 7 days to see what could possibly go wrong now!

[starside-selfships]

Homecoming

Tonight was certainly not in my favor for the most part. To bring you up to speed, it was homecoming night for my younger brother, along with his friends, and I was an unpaid chauffeur for them. Whether I said yes or no to my mom, which the latter would result in a scolding, I would still be driving, whether I liked it or not. I had plans to meet up with someone tonight and now, unfortunately, I had to cancel those plans. Wonderful. So much for treating myself. Saying yes to avoid any conflict between my mother and I, I was driving my brother and his group of boys and girls, one of them most likely his significant other, to the nearby high school, the same one where I graduated from, but I don’t think any of that really mattered. Sure, there were going to be people there that recognized me, but it’s not like I planned on going inside to dance or mingle. Don’t get me wrong, I was gussied up for the occasion, but with how tonight was already progressing, going inside to try and get into the groove was not on my agenda. Little did I know that I was going to be completely wrong. 

We were nearing the school as I was in the driver’s seat and I focused on the road as best I could, overhearing the conversation in the back amongst the group of seniors about how my brother was probably going to get laid or something, followed by a roar of laughter. While he was of age, as am I, I didn’t think I would be hit with a strong dose of discomfort hearing those words coming out of their mouths. Yeah, they were in high school so it made sense for them to say stuff like that. Already I began to question this night before my thoughts started to shift towards a particular someone that made my smile return after it had been gone for hours. A demon, or imp rather, down in hell that no one knew, except for a few of my closest friends who I knew could definitely keep a secret, had my heart and more. My smile remained small, but it was genuine, a chuckle eliciting from me as I continued to drive and within seconds of starting to think about him, I noticed my phone vibrating in the front passenger seat out of the corner of my eye. Look, I am, and I quote from one of my favorite content creators, a “good fucking citizen” and I would never risk my life or others because of a single text message. However, this wasn’t a single text. Whoever was trying to reach me was literally trying to nuke my phone for I counted the vibrations from listening closely to them. I didn’t bother picking up my phone so I just counted. 1...2...3...4...5...not even five minutes and I’ve somehow counted 23 and rising text messages being sent to my phone. Was it that urgent or was someone just spamming me with nonsense because I can’t remember the last time I was spammed like that and my memory is on point, not to brag or anything.

Upon pulling into one of the many parking lots of the high school, my brother and his friends began unbuckling themselves from their seats and after setting the SUV into “park”, they all got out one by one, on both sides, putting on their masks. I forgot to mention that this homecoming had a theme, which was “Monster Mash”, so zombies, mummies, your usual batch of monsters from all types of media of course, along with the special monsters that only one or two people only knew and were ready to discuss and talk about at a moment’s notice. As much as I wanted to sit in the car, I knew I was going to have to go in at some point, so earlier today, I decided I was going as a werewolf, picking up a fitting mask from the city’s costume store, but instead of just having a mask and calling it a day, it evolved into something more homemade. I spent several extra hours turning my tux into a more fitting and lycanthrope-themed outfit, dark fur lining the edges and front of my suit, outfitting myself with wolf ears and covering my face in blood to represent claw marks. Thankfully, I remembered that I had an old wolf tail, cleaning it up and hoping that the appearance was pleasing to the eye in some way and to my surprise, it certainly was. Not like anyone was going to care honestly, but you know, what’s wrong with a little bit of effort, even if no one’s going to notice?

“You’re not coming?” My brother questioned as he reached for his mask and was about to head inside with the others, earning a shake of my head as a response.

“We’ll see, you go have fun, okay?” I said, seeing him run off back to this squad and closing the car door as I rested my head on the back of my seat and sigh heavily. Finally, no one could hear or see me cry, the lights on the inside roof of the car beginning to slowly dim, shutting off completely and leaving me in darkness. “Fuck.” I whispered, trying not to choke on my tears thanks to the numerous thoughts clouding my head, many of them were memories of my high school days and how they all just generally sucked. I’m going to spare you of the details, but in short, I was a teacher’s pet who did good, had good grades, and tried so hard not to get caught up in a relationship since, well, at the time I wasn’t into anyone and nor was anyone into me. Looking back at it, I’ve never been hit with an intense pain in my life. But then, my thoughts were interrupted by another vibration. “Alright, who’s trying to nuke my phone?” I told myself as I reached over and grabbed my phone in frustration, turning the screen on and discovering that the imp himself had been sending me a flood of messages, alongside his employees, including the hellhound. “Wait, what?” I was stunned, why was I getting all these messages from I.M.P? Unlocking my phone and going through the wave of texts and images, most of them being from Blitzo, I checked the ones belonging to Millie, Loona, and Moxxie first, working my way up from there.

Millie “Hey Eli!” “Just wanted to say that I hope tonight is great for you and Blitzo!” “He has a really big surprise for you!” “Have fun you two!”

Loona “Elijah” “Heard ya weren’t feeling great” “Shit sucks but Blitz has a surprise for you later tonight” “Ain’t saying shit, but I hope you have fun” “You deserve it, alright?”

Moxxie “Dear Elijah, I certainly hope your night is swell. I overheard from my boss that it wasn’t going as planned and not to spoil anything, but he has a surprise for you later tonight. Have fun!” “p. s it’ll be a nice break from him interfering with my relationship with Millie.”

And now, all that there was left to check was Blitzo, I didn’t bother holding back my tears. Who was going to watch? Most of his texts were pictures of him looking for an outfit, getting help from a smiling Millie, annoyed Moxxie, and a Loona who looked like she didn’t really care. That’s what the realization hit me soon after. I didn’t want to believe it, but I looked through every single text again and yeah, sure enough, it was real. The imp was my date. Blitzo was my homecoming date. Another text, the last one from Blitzo for the night it seemed, sounding ominous of course.

“See ya soon, Eli. XOXO”

My smile returned once again as I regained my thoughts, clearing my head and doing my best to ignore all the negative and previous ones that arrived earlier tonight, replacing all of them with one: the fact that the imp that nearly killed me by accident was my homecoming date. The two of us have talked and spent a lot of time together, but who would’ve thought that he would be the one I would fall for and make my better in a way like this? Yeah, I was into him the most out of everyone at I.M.P. Of course, Millie and Moxxie were married and Loona, I’ll be honest, she was someone who appeared that she wasn’t too keen on dating. Blitzo, on the other hand, ever since the two of us met with him pounced over my body with a double barrel shotgun aimed directly at my face, we’re never been closer. That story about how we met is a real doozy, but it’s certainly for another time.

After waiting a little longer, I finally left the vehicle and locked the doors, stuffing the keys in my pocket and trading it for my phone, holding the mask in my other hand, my body on fire at the constant, recurring thought that wasn’t leaving anytime soon, one that pushed all the others away, a splendid thought that was the only thing I could think of. Before I knew it, I was at the front doors of the school and I followed the couples and groups, most likely students, towards the gym, looking at my phone and expecting a text, but instead, just silence. I guess all I needed to do was wait for him, and that’s what I did as I was greeted with the sound of deep bass rumbling through my body thanks to the booming speakers, along with the bright spotlights that moved around at a rapid pace, mixed with multiple multicolored strobe lights. It was a party alright. With the song that was playing as well, it was a fitting one with the theme. And lost in this party, I assumed, was a neatly dressed imp waiting for me. I walked along the edge of the gym, avoiding the growing crowd of dancers and hoping to possibly run into Blitzo at some point, only to be stopped by, unsurprisingly, one of my high school teachers. 

“Elijah, is that you? Hey kid, what brings you here?!” She asked, leaning against the wall with a drink, a red cup, yes a red cup, and wrapped in a mummy outfit, bandages covering her body, along with one eye while the other was perfectly visible.

“Just chaperoning for my brother and his friends.” I answered, which was half the truth, but how could I explain that I was waiting for my demonic plus one?

“For a chaperone, you fit in right with the crowd, nice outfit! Did you make it yourself?”

 “Yeah, I did actually.”

 “I always knew you were one of the more creative ones in the class and it shows, awesome job!” I found myself getting blushy rather quickly at her compliment, rubbing the back of my head as I continued the conversation and it soon turned into one where my heart began to race rapidly. “So, tell me, do you have a date?” I wanted to lie, but then again, I was unsure of Blitzo was my date, or even if I wanted to say he was to others, so I took a deep breath and tried to make up my mind quickly.

“Yeah, I do, he’s a bit late though, it might be a while before he gets here.”

“Who said I was late?” The imp said, grabbing ahold of my shoulder gently and wanting me to turn around so I did, my eyes meeting his and I could see that his were that wickedly bright yellow, with a hint of red in the middle. Sinister, but always a joy to look at. “Hey, cutie.” I was about to open my mouth to compliment his outfit, resembling Jack Skellington from The Nightmare Before Christmas, from top to bottom, only for my teacher to butt in. This was going to be a joy.

“Oooooh, and who might this be, Elijah?! He must learn from the best because his costume’s amazing!” This was going to be a real interesting night. I was already contemplating on going back to the car.

 “The name’s Blitzo, pronounced Blitz and the O is silent, also known as this handsome guy’s boyfriend.” He said, greeting himself to-

...HOLD UP, WAIT A MINUTE. Did he just say boyfriend? Was I hearing that correctly? I wasn’t crazy, right?

“The name’s Blitzo, the O is silent, also known as this handsome guy’s boyfriend.” He said, greeting himself to-wait a minute, did he just say boyfriend? Did I hear that correctly? I wasn’t crazy, right?

“Well, Blitzo, it was really nice to meet you. Elijah was, and still is, one of my best students, creative too, you’re a lucky one.”

“Oh, trust me,” He looked over at me, a look that read ‘I love you’, his eyes appearing as if he was going to cry, but his smile was wide. “I know.” He was being completely truthful with her and myself. Not a single word he said was a lie, at least that’s what I believed. Something told me that it was true, every single word was honest and straight from the heart. “Let’s go dance, yeah?” He said softly towards me, earning a soft nod in reply and so, the two of us made our way to the dance floor. I was so nervous to ask him a single question with a plentiful rushing through my head. “Shocked, huh? Don’t be, Elijah. I know the two of us have been together for some time and I may have heard from a little birdie that you were going to be helping out your brother for some dance.” I reminisced on when I remember talking about the homecoming dance and then it hit me.

“Damn it, Angel.”

“C’mon, you missed me. You’re glad she told me too.”

“Yeah, I did. But, like, didn’t you have some more important stuff, like work? And your horse to take care of?”

“Oh, don’t worry. Work’s slow and boring and Moxxie’s watching over her so, I’m free for the night! What better way to spend my night with my new boyfriend too?” He said, pressing his lips against my cheek and sending my heart sky high, my hand on his beginning to clench. “Easy cowboy, it was just a kiss. We haven’t even gotten to the good stuff, you know.” Okay, now he was just trying to get me flustered really early. We made jokes about that stuff, but was he being serious? About all of this?

“I was actually going to ask about that. Do you, like, you’re actually interested in me, right?” He stopped in his tracks and the two of us were halted together, surrounded by multiple dancing groups and couples, I could sense the music that was once pounding in my ears beginning to die out, soon Blitzo’s voice was the only thing I could hear. “All those times we’ve been together, from the day you were in my bed ready to kill me and only to discover you were in the wrong house to all those times we’ve spent in Hell and on the surface, to that one time you were actually full-on naked in my bed and I was nearly caught, you’re being honest with me, right?”

“Elijah,” Blitzo began, reaching for my other hand to hold it tight, gazing into my eyes and I soon lost myself in them, my focus and attention being grabbed and held by him and him alone. “I’m being one hundred percent honest with you. If I killed you, I would’ve missed a chance like this and, god fucking dammit, I’m trying not to cry here.”

“Trust me, I’ve already done that tonight, you’re good.” I joked, the two of us laughing as his claw-like hands gripped mine.

“But yeah, I’m serious. From the bottom of my heart, Elijah. No bullshit. I love you. Yeah, you’re a human and I nearly killed you, but that night I met you and nearly blew your brains out, was probably the fucking day of my whole eternal suffering, as they usually say. That’s, that’s what they say, right?” Hearing that filled my heart with an intense amount of joy and soon, I felt my worries wash away. Who would’ve thought that I would not only fall in love with a demon below the surface of this Earth, but an imp who was not only charming, but skilled at his profession? A professional that was basically assassination. Then again, he just straight up kills anyone he’s paid to kill alongside the other three. “You can cry all you want, okay?” I didn’t want to, especially in front of Blitzo.

“Oh, shut up. I love you too.” I said, earning a nice laugh from him. Moments later, the music shifted from the usual extremely bumping and loud beat into something more mellow, but you could still dance to. A song that people weren’t really a fan of, but for me, and surprisingly Blitzo, it was perfect. To my surprise, the imp knew the damn lyrics.

Oh, don’t you dare look back Just keep your eyes on me. I said, you’re holding back. He said, shut up and dance with me! This demon is my destiny. He said, ooh-ooh-hoo! Shut up and dance with me!

The two of us followed suit and already had the floor so who was gonna stop us? No one was certainly going to stop Blitzo and for me, I was already lost in the moment, I could only see Blitzo and I losing ourselves in the music together, singing and dancing along. No distractions or disturbances as we let loose. Unbeknownst to me, the crowd around us had cleared and it was just me and Blitzo dancing to the beat with a silent audience cheering on a human and his boyfriend, unaware that he was truly a demon. I didn’t care about any of that mess now, I was overjoyed to be dancing with my imp boyfriend under the moving spotlight, the two of us grabbing the attention of all the other costumed people standing by and watching us. It didn’t even feel like they were there.

Deep in his eyes I think I see the future I realize this is my last chance! He took my arm I don’t know how it happened We took the floor and he said…

Oh, don’t you dare look back Just keep your eyes on me I said, you’re holding back He said, shut up and dance with me This demon is my destiny He said, ooh-ooh-hoo! Shut up and dance!

The final chorus continued to play and the two of us were going at it, I could sense and hear quiet cheers and wolf whistles, yet Blitzo’s voice filled my ears and drowned it all out.

Ooh-hoo, shut up and dance with me!

And just like that, the music halted and the two of us were in a bit of a position, me dipping and holding his body down, our eyes locked onto each other, the crowd coming back to life with a roar of an applause. They witnessed everything and as much as I wanted to look around and see everyone, Blitzo kept my face looking directly at his. “Hey, don’t focus on them. It’s okay.” I smiled down at him and nodded, the music shifting back into something more exciting and full of life and sending the crowd’s back onto the floor.

 “I didn’t know you were so good at dancing, Blitzo.” I said, complimenting him on his dancing and wondering where he picked that up, then again, it hit me that he’s been bugging a married couple for Satan knows how long, and he’s been on the surface a few times.

 “You go around, you know some folks, you pick up some new things, learn a few tricks.” There was a small moment of silence. “Alright, I picked it up from Moxx and Mills.” I had a feeling. Right as I was about to say something while bringing back up onto his feet, I was the one to be dipped this time and caught off guard. “Now pucker up, cutie~” And with that, Blitzo kissed me sweetly and passionately, my vision getting blurry as my eyes fluttered and my heart was more soothed and relaxed. I will admit that Blitzo has kissed me on numerous occasions, but this was something he never pulled or did and it was immensely surprisingly and completely satisfying. I didn’t want to ruin the moment at all. In fact, I wanted to make it even better. So I decided to surprise Blitzo with something up my sleeve, slipping my tongue into his mouth and catching him off guard, only for our tongues to collide and intertwine with each other, his claws yanking and gripping me closer to his body, our lips still locked together for a good couple of seconds and right as we finally pulled away, there was an embarrassing amount of saliva attached to my lips and his, a dark blush hitting both our faces. “Well, that was, I wasn’t expecting you to do that.”

“Yeah, wasn’t expecting that kiss either, heh.” The silence between us was high but was soon broken with Blitzo speaking up again.

“Alright, I’m just gonna say it. I know you’re probably thinking it too, are you going to make love to me already or what?” My eyes widened in surprise, my body heating up in response and while I was expecting a lewd comment or question, he was just completely straightforward with it, no hints, or riddles, just straight from the head.

“C-Can we go to the car now, like, right now?” I asked, hoping he could sense the desperateness in my voice, along with the look of lust in my eyes. Yeah, he definitely saw it, without a doubt. That smile of his, how he licked his lips in front of me, shooting a sexy glare at me, tonight was going to be a ride, in more ways than one as Blitzo swiftly picked me up in his arms and carried me towards the car bridal-style, grabbing a few eyeballs as he did.

“Of course~” We soon made our way outside and Blitzo finally set me down, not even bothering to look around if there were any watchers who were late to the party, as if he were planning something.

“Something wrong?” He didn’t reply with a vocal answer, but instead, what came next was what made this entire night probably the best homecoming ever. I’m going to spare the details, but what came next was pretty saucy.

Sometime Later…

I found myself rising out of bed to the sight of several dimmed lights and within seconds, the awareness hit me hard. I wasn’t at home. I was in Blitzo’s home. “Morning, sleepyhead.” The imp to my side greeted, not wearing anything like me as I hid myself under the sheets. I half-expected him to be dressed in some cute horse-themed pjs, but no, he was full-on naked under the sheets, his legs touching mine.

“Hey, Blitzo. I, umm, should I ask how I got here?” I questioned, preparing myself for the story that Blitzo had to tell, this should be good.

“Before you ask, because I have a feeling that’s the first thing you’re thinking about, your brother and his friends are fine. They got home safely and then I brought you down here to rest!” Blitzo explained, my eyes widening in fear at the idea of what he could’ve possibly done.

“For the love of God, Blitzo, please tell me the car’s in one piece. Please tell me no one got hurt.” I begged, shaking in anticipation, and not even hearing the room door open as I turned to see Moxxie come in.

“Actually, I helped drive,” The other imp claimed. “Not to be rude towards your new boyfriend, Elijah, but I had a very strong feeling that if my boss were to drive, it wouldn’t be pleasant. That and he introduced himself and the rest of us to your brother and friends.” Blitzo, you did not. You did fucking not.

“What, they were nice!”

“Sir, excuse my language, but you fucking scared them!” When Moxxie said those words, I didn’t even want to imagine how he scared and possibly scared them for life.

“Oh my God, Blitzo, why…”

“Don’t worry about it, Eli, you’re lucky I didn’t tell them about our little love-making session.”

“Sir, that’s WAY too much information.”

I didn’t know how to feel exactly with my brother knowing about Blitzo and the others, but as the conversation between him and Moxxie continued, I couldn’t help but think about that night, what I experienced with Blitzo and the things we did together, how he confessed his love and then made love to me. It felt unreal to think about knowing that the imp I spent the most time with actually liked me that way. That’s when I smiled and felt really glad that night ended up being in my favor.

[brokenjardaantech]

rk1700 december day 5, 6, 13: superior/replacement; comfort; assemble/disassemble

written for @rk1700december. day 5: superior/replacement; day 6: comfort; day 13: assemble/disassemble

female connor is called rhea. rk900 is called cronos.

summary: cronos and rhea get a new piece of furniture and get adopted by elijah kamski.

also on ao3

----

It is the facility’s quarterly large-scale acquisition day. It means new equipment, new tech, new people, and nearly everyone is excited - a welcomed change and a reminder that they are not alone in the fight (Cronos is pretty certain by this point that there is a conflict going on out there, an intense and high-stake one nonetheless from how hard Anchor pushes him during training sessions. Exactly against whom or what it is about, though, those he has no idea about, and he leaves it be for now since Anchor doesn’t seem to be making an explanation anytime soon.) Even Rhea, who doesn’t quite understand what is going on, seems happier and more excited than usual.

What surprises Cronos, though, is that the two of them also have a quota despite not being Alliance personnel formally.

‘Is Rhea still staying in your quarters?’ Anchor suddenly asks one day as she reloads the thermal clip of her rifle. She had persuaded Cronos to let Rhea have some alone time while she taught him how to shoot, and Cronos successfully convinced her to wait for him in their quarters with a new box of building blocks. They exchanged few words until then, the recoil of the rifle against his shoulder and the blast of supersonic miniature slugs hitting the targets having become familiar sensations as a result, and although he is certain that handling weapons is in his programming, coating the slugs with his biotics to increase their damage is something new.

‘Of course,�� Cronos replies. The thermal clip isn’t completely spent yet but he reloads it anyway. ‘What’s the matter?’

Anchor raises her rifle again and spells out L. W. A. on the target. Her real name’s initials, maybe? ‘So you guys have been squeezing into the same bunk this whole time?’

‘I don’t see the problem with it,’ Cronos admits as he does the same to his target, RK9c appearing in the dented metal board. ‘We are close.’

The human looks impressed. ‘You guys need more space?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I reviewed the dimensions of your quarters. You guys can have a double bed which comfortably fits the two of you without sacrificing much living space, and since we’re requisitioning some new furniture anyway, I think…’ she puts down her rifle in exchange for a pistol and shrugs. ‘Why the fuck not?’

Cronos folds up his rifle and watches Anchor bury a few larger warped slugs into the target’s head. It twists and creaks under the force of the biotic fields attached to the slugs. ‘A bed is a lot of materials.’

‘Materials which we can afford to print,’ eject, replace. ‘There are already people who’ve said that they won’t be able to use up their quota of new materials and offered them up to people who need it. My rules are as long as the total amount of material we need doesn’t exceed the total allocated amount, I don’t mind.’ She holds the pistol with only her left hand and fires a shot. ‘I don’t want to waste anything so I think it’s good to ask you first.’

‘Then I need to ask Rhea too,’ he says before picking up a pistol and emptying all the slugs he can into the target’s forehead until the thermal clip overheats. ‘The bed is hers as well.’

‘Sure,’ Anchor fires a shot just to catch it midway with a strand of her biotics. ‘Give me an answer before tomorrow dinner. I want this done as soon as possible.’

Cronos nods and aims and then realises something. ‘Does it come with a new mattress?’

‘Of course.’

‘And blankets?’

‘Just go to the storage room and grab a few. Remember to wash them twice, though. Stars know how long they’ve been there.’

A plan starts formulating in his processors, and he can feel his face splitting into a grin. ‘Will the bed come in pieces?’

‘You don’t actually think we have a printer large enough to print a whole bed in its entirety, do you?’

‘Good.’ Then returns to his target despite his mind not being able to focus on it now.

‘You’re planning something.’

‘Just something for Rhea, Anchor. Completely harmless.’

Anchor snorts. ‘We are walking mini-nukes if we want to be, Cronos, even Rhea if pushed to her wit’s end.’ A shake of her head. ‘We’re never completely harmless.’

      Rhea blinks at him after his explanation even though he has already shared his processing power with her.

A new bed, she repeats. For us?

Yes, Cronos replies. We have the space. We will have the materials. We can build the frame together.

Rhea picks at a loose thread dangling from Cronos’ shirt with her free hand. What will happen to this one?

Chugged into the recycler just like everything else, maybe, he sends back with a shrug. We might even save some material by reusing this one’s, who knows?

Can I roll across the new bed?

It’s ours. We can do whatever we want. Just don’t break it.

Hmm. Rhea wriggles until half of her body is lying on top of Cronos’, after which she tilts her head up for a kiss he gladly indulges in by slowly coating every single surface of her mouth with his own analysis fluid using his tongue. Her whines make a certain part of him fill with thirium, Rhea starts grinding against it and sending waves of pleasure through both of them, and Cronos flips both of them over so that he is covering her body with his and is looming over her. Yes please, she tells him, and they get lost in each other for a while.

       Despite telling Anchor that he is going to assemble the new bed with Rhea, he knows it is very likely that he will have to either do it alone or ask someone to assist him due to the sheer size of some of the components. It can also be turned into a practise of his biotics, but he doesn’t want to hurt Rhea accidentally in case he loses control either. Disassembling the original bed is easy enough given his raw strength and the composition of its parts, though, and he is even allowed to chop some of the smaller pieces of the original frame into smaller blocks for Rhea to play with while the others - together with the now too-small mattress - are sent for recycling. He then goes to retrieve the components of the new frame after teaching Rhea to amuse herself by throwing the blocks around and is surprised to see a man he has never seen before waiting for him.

‘You’re Cronos, aren’t you?’ his body language is tense as if he is unused to situations like this. ‘Anna - Anchor - asked me to help you build your new bed. Everything’s printed out or shipped here; help me with them, can you?’

Cronos moves to help him load a particularly long plastisteel beam onto the trolley and notes the stripes on his sleeve. A member of the Council. ‘Is Anna Anchor’s real name?’

‘You can say so.’

An affirmative, then. ‘How about you?’ Cronos asks. ‘You know who I am but I don’t know who you are except that you’re in the Council.’

The man looks at his sleeves and lets out a small ‘ah.’ ‘Call me Elijah,’ he says and loads another box with a clank from the parts within. ‘Elijah Kamski, formerly known as Ilya Kaminski. Council member, traitor to the Alliance - according to some, at least.’

Cronos decides to carry the last box himself. With a cock of his head, he and Elijah begin their way back to his quarters. ‘I doubt you would be here if you had really been a traitor.’

Elijah chuckles. ‘Can’t argue with you on that.’

They return to Cronos’ quarters to Rhea sleepily pushing her new blocks around the space between her legs as her eyelids droop and her head nods every other second. Clearing the floor by giving it a biotic sweep, Elijah brings the package in and cuts through the wrapping with a crafting knife which came out of nowhere, and the mattress starts inflating itself upon coming into contact with air. They move it to the living room and lay Rhea down there, but after tugging her in and watching her squash her cheek against the pillow, she simply lies on her side and watches, with bright eyes, Elijah and Cronos set off to work. 

They bring everything in and scatter all the parts in sorted piles on the floor but Cronos is lost. He has no idea on how to start, nor does he think he has all the tools needed, and the human looks like he’s trying not to laugh when he looks at Elijah. Then he does. 

‘The Administrator programmed you to biotically charge at your mentor as an instinct but didn’t give you built-in construction manuals?’ A sigh and he sobers up instantly, wiping non-existent sweat away from his forehead with the back of his hand. ‘How typical of her.’

‘Are you implying that the Administrator is a violent individual?’

‘Not inherently,’ Elijah sighs and shakes his head. ‘Anyways, let’s get this done before bedtime, shall we?’

‘Do we even have enough tools to build it?’

‘Look at these,’ he says as he picks up a beam. ‘The welts at the end. They’re supposed to lock against each other. No nails, no tape, no glue. Just tension and good ancient engineering.’ He puts it back to its original place in the pile and calls up his omni-tool. ‘Now I swear the instructions are somewhere on the intranet…’

Cronos doesn’t have access to a lot of things due to his identity as an informal on-site personnel but he delves into the databases anyway, hitting numerous virtual walls where classified data is stored and is reasonably out of his reach. He could’ve overridden them if he wanted to, but something in his programming tells him that it is not worth it, so he merely retreats and waits for Elijah to finish the job for both of them. 

‘There,’ he announces when he finds it. ‘Level one classified, of course, because why not. Stick your hand into the hologram and it’ll transfer to you directly.’

The hologram flickers and blinks when Cronos does so, but he indeed obtains the blueprint and the construction manual in the span of no more than a few microseconds; with new information at hand, they at last start slotting pieces together into larger parts on their own before collectively deciding to put some of the bigger pieces together to complete the outer frame first, and the three of them - Cronos, Elijah, and Rhea who has climbed out of the nest of blankets and pillows and is sitting on the floor wrapped like a dumpling - stare at the hollow rectangle for a moment.

‘Are you certain it’s going to hold?’ asks Cronos. ‘It seems…’ he doesn’t know how to explain what he’s feeling.

‘It will be sturdy once the supports are added,’ the human replies in a reassuring tone. ‘Let’s get them in before it actually collapses.’

And so they hasten their effort and shoves the support beams in, Cronos nearly breaking one of them when he accidentally put too much force on it and Elijah nearly trapping himself between two beams when he very nearly places a piece which would have left him no way out, but somehow, despite their clumsiness and lack of experience, they manage to get the frame done in less than two hours in total, and they let out breathes they didn’t know they were holding in realisation.

Elijah meets Cronos’ eyes. ‘Mattress?’

‘Mattress.’

Turns out, their most difficult task is getting Rhea out of the nest she has made while they were still assembling the bed frame. No matter how much Cronos and Elijah coax, sweet-talk, or bribe with toys or food or kisses (from Cronos only), the most reaction they can get from her is a stretch of her body underneath the blankets and a few mischievous blinks that definitely does not stem from sleepiness. Time for an ultimatum.

‘If you don’t get up now, I’ll have to snatch you,’ Cronos says. ‘You know I can and I will.’

Rhea’s jaw cracks open in a yawn and then shakes her head. Very well.

‘Elijah, get ready to snatch the mattress away.’

‘Sure thing,’ the human answers with an incline of his head, and on a count of three, Cronos clams his arms around Rhea - together with all the blankets around her - and hefts her squirming body up as Elijah pulls the mattress and pillows away and drags them onto the bed with quick, agile movements that can only come from years of experience. He hops off the bed and brushes his hands together to relieve them of non-existent dust, and Cronos can finally throw both himself and Rhea - playfully, of course - against the supportive material with a bounce. 

Rhea melts against the mattress and him.

‘See, Rhea? That’s what you’ve been missing out on,’ he says as he shifts to give her more space to roll around. She keeps making these happy humming noises from her throat which makes his heart swell with happiness as well. ‘There’s a reason we don’t sleep on the floor.’

Rhea hums. With a lazy stretch, she rolled over for one last time before latching onto Cronos as tight as she can - which is not very tight at all, but he can give her the illusion that he is firmly in her grasp.

Elijah laughs and ruffles Cronos’ hair. ‘You guys look comfy.’

Rhea deactivates her skin and requests for an interface which Cronos gladly accepts. Waves of drowsiness and contentment crash into his system, and he has to set up a filter just so that he doesn’t slip right into sleep at the very moment.

‘Indeed.’

[chaoskirin]

The Seven Seas--Chapter Two

Fandom: Queen Genre: Sci-fi/Gen Rating: PG Chapter 2 Word Count: 1965

To John, nothing was more important than the cool rationale of logic. Therefore, he found it a constant source of unfortunance that nothing logical ever happened around the other three members of Queen. He'd come to accept it, which is why--he thought with smug affection--he always came to expect the most illogical outcome of even the most mundane situations.

Hence, aliens.

John was and had always been an I-Told-You-So type of fellow, with the advantage that he never had to speak the actual words. Case in point, he merely arched his eyebrows and Roger said, "Oh, shut up, John!"

It saved John many hours of gloating.

He shrugged and smirked, nodding at the tiny aliens, which now had tiny little weapons drawn in the most adorable display of force anyone on earth had ever seen.

"I think you might just want to get back into your ship and go back to Denmark," Freddie said. "Earth--er. Rhye, I mean. Rhye is pretty happy without alien overlords. I think. You guys think?"

He looked at the others. Roger and Brian nodded their assent.

John agreed with the others. The last thing earth needed was another set of conquerors, considering all the world leaders currently vying for control. The planet had plenty of problems already without adding aliens into the mix, and while aliens running things might be interesting, it would ultimately be more of the same.

However. He'd come to expect the most absurd, most inane outcome of anything. And while an alien invasion by toenail-sized creatures was absurd enough, even more absurd would be if they could follow through on their threat. Outright rejecting their tiny takeover might do more harm than good as far as John was concerned. Not that he expected that they could refuse anyway. It would be just be their luck if the tiny aliens were also inexplicably deadly.

In the end, he shrugged.

"You want," Roger began, pausing for ineffect. "You want alien overlords?"

"I think," John said, pausing for actual effect as he nodded to the gun-brandishing Denmarkians, "that we should hear what they have to say."

"WE," said the leader, and John was getting tired of all this needless pausing, "DEMAND RHYE'S UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER! IMMEDIATELY!"

"You'd said," John remarked, kneeling so he was closer to the aliens. No longer impassive, they were scowling with a most ferocious sort of ultra-frown, which involved an almost ninety degree bend to their stalk-eyes. They meant business. "How about if you tell us what surrender means. To you."

The diplomat hopped off the walkway and jammed his tiny gun into John's knee. He probably should have been afraid--at least a little--but it was hard to drum up the proper amount of respect for a weapon the size of a pushpin.

As a side-note, John was beginning to think that the diplomat was less of a diplomat and more of a strong-armer. In any case, he certainly didn't have diplomacy on his mind and seemed very content with just murdering everyone and blowing up the planet without pausing for any pleasant negotiations whatsoever. Seemed like a positively primeval method of conducting interstellar business, but what did John know? He'd never actually conducted any interstellar business, and had, until today, been unsure as to the existence of life outside of earth. For all he knew, this was exactly proper.

"SURRENDER!" the diplomat/strong-armer screamed again.

Despite the weapon pressed to his knee, John dared again to respond, "we've never actually surrendered before. It's not that we're being difficult. It's just that we don't know how."

"YOU WILL SUMMON ALL THE PEOPLE OF EARTH TO THIS LOCATION," the  leader said. "AT THAT POINT THEY WILL BE DESTROYED HUMANELY AND QUICKLY, WITH MINIMAL SPLATTER."

The pause that followed lasted several preposterous seconds.

"Right," Roger said, grabbing their ship and lifting it out of the barn's floor. Several terrified voices screamed from inside as the leader and the glasses-wearer pointed their tiny weapons at him. Unintimidated, Roger spun the ship on one finger, like a basketball or a top.

John thought that was a bit excessive.

"I don't mean to be rude," Freddie said, obviously meaning to be rude. "But I'm not sure your weapons would do even the least amount of damage. Are you sure it was earth--er. Rhye--you wanted to invade, and not a planet with a much tinier population? Someone more your size?"

In response, the diplomat aimed his tiny laser at a passing chicken, and the chicken exploded in a cloud of feathers and assorted gore.

Freddie yelped. Brian wobbled a little on unsteady feet before sinking to the floor. Roger put their ship down. Carefully.

"I THINK OUR WEAPONS WILL DO JUST FINE," the leader said.

He did have a point. If one tiny gun could destroy a chicken so thoroughly, it would probably do a similar amount of damage to something larger. If nothing else, the little weapons were interesting, and John wondered whether it would breach surrender protocol if he asked to take one apart to see how it worked.

"Did he just explode that cock?" Freddie asked.

"It was a hen and you know it," Brian replied. "You just wanted to say 'cock.'"

"I don't need an excuse to say 'cock,' darling," Freddie said, at the same time Roger sighed, "can we all stop saying 'cock,' please!"

The point still stood, so John asked, "would your weapons do the same to a human, do you think?"

"OF COURSE THEY WOULD," the leader shouted, full of his own pride. "THEY ARE SPECIFICALLY CALIBRATED TO OBLITERATE ALL LIFE ON THE PLANET."

John scratched his head. "Then why not just nuke us from orbit?"

"John!" Roger hissed. "That is not the question you should be asking!"

It was of interest, though! If they had these powerful weapons capable of destroying all life on earth, one would think it would be easier--if not more efficient--to just point and shoot from a couple hundred miles away. It would probably be more painless, too, what with all the people on earth simply not expecting to be destroyed on this rather pleasant Tuesday morning. And at least most people would die doing what they loved--or at least doing what they tolerated. John did suppose some people were working, and most people didn't love their jobs.

What a sad fact of reality.

And at this point, dear readers, I will spare you a whole paragraph of aliens screaming in capslock and simply summarize their answer: They didn't nuke the planet from orbit for several reasons: first that chasing humans was just too exhausting. They'd tried chasing the sapient species on the last planet they conquered, and they were still mopping up that mess even a hundred zorgits later. Roger asked what a zorgit was, to which the aliens replied: a roundabout loop in space-time wherein all intelligent species could measure time without the use of a star. Brian thought that made sense.

The second reason was that their weapons were just slightly out-of-tune with the universe, and if they blasted an entire planet, they could open up a hole in reality, into which all realities would be sucked, destroying the entire space-time continuum. In theory.

John asked why they didn't test that theory. Roger smacked him with a newspaper.

John then asked why the aliens had a pronounceable word for "zorgit," but not a pronounceable word for their own planet. This question was cut from the story entirely for being a god-damned plothole that the author didn't want to explain.

"I guess," Brian said after the rather long-winded explanation, "my only question would be why?"

"AH!" the leader said. "RHYE SHALL BE OUR RESORT PLANET! A BEAUTIFUL GEM IN THE MILKY WAY GALAXY WHERE OUR PEOPLE MAY RELAX AND ENJOY THEMSELVES!"

John, preferring that no more of his questions be cut from the story, resisted asking how the aliens found a name for the Milky Way and not a name for the planet. Perhaps radio chatter was selective.

"AND!" the diplomat went on, jamming his adorable weapon into John's knee again, "WE SHALL BUILD A HYPERSPACE WARP TO OUR NEW RESORT PLANET SO THAT IT ONLY TAKES SECONDS TO REACH IT, AND NOT A WHOLE YEAR!"

"SHOW THEM," the leader said, waving a tentacle or two at the alien with the glasses.

The glasses-alien pulled another folded document from another skin fold and spread it out on the barn floor. It showed the planet, now adorned with a whole lot of strange structures and attractions, none of which made the remotest amount of sense. Australia had simply been removed for whatever reason, while another land mass had been created halfway between Africa and South America.

What must have been the hyperspace warp circled just outside the planet. The aliens had drawn a smiley face on it.

"Impressive," said Freddie. "I really, truly mean that. Can't you do this somewhere else?"

"NO," the leader replied. "THIS IS THE PLACE. I CAN TELL."

"Well then you must give us a chance to save our planet. A... show of force," Freddie said.

"A SHOW!" the aliens sang all at once. The leader continued: "A SHOW! YES! TO WELCOME YOUR NEW OVERLORDS AND BOW TO YOUR OWN DESTRUCTION. I ACCEPT. HOW MANY ZORGITS WILL IT TAKE TO PREPARE?"

"Not a show--" Roger started.

Freddie elbowed him. "Uh, how many Rhye days is a zorgit?"

The aliens conferred, then the leader said, "WE CAN GIVE YOU FIVE RHYE DAYS. WE LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR SHOW. THANK YOU FOR FREEING OUR SHIP FROM YOUR FLOOR."

As John, Freddie, and Brian all gave Roger a dirty look for allowing the aliens their freedom, the three slug-like creatures climbed back onto their ship and flew it out through the hole in the roof, leaving both the star map and the recreation plans behind.

Dazed, everyone stared upward at the sky until Brian said, "Well, now what do we do?"

John had a few ideas, none of which involved putting on a show. He wondered if NASA had any mass transport shuttles prepared to just whisk everyone on the planet to a safer location, then he remembered that NASA was funded by the American government and had a good chuckle.

"Well," Freddie said. "I think I have an idea. It'll be risky, but I'm absolutely sure we're up to the task. The alien said--"

"Which one?" Roger asked.

"Does it matter?" Freddie returned.

"Yes! Look, we can't just call them all 'alien,'" Roger said. "Gets confusing."

"It's not like we exchanged pleasantries," Freddie scoffed, hand to his chest in a rather affronted manner. "They said they were here to exchange pleasantries before everything went weird. I should have liked to."

John very strongly felt that if none of them could pronounce the name of the alien planet--despite Roger's good ol' college try--they probably wouldn't be able to pronounce the aliens' individual names. He could have said so, but listening to Freddie go on about how rude the little beings were for not introducing themselves was entertaining at the very least.

Brian said, "We can just assign them names. For our own purposes."

"All right. Well the tallest one was the leader, so I say we call him 'Freddie,'" Freddie said.

Roger grabbed a handful of sawdust from the floor and rubbed it into Freddie's hair. "You're not our leader. You're just a git."

"Let's call him 'Leader,'" Brian suggested diplomatically, as Roger and Freddie slap-fought like children. "And the one with the maps. We can call him Glasses."

"Fine, fine," Roger said. And the other one was more of a git than Freddie, so we can call him Arsehole."

No one had any objections.

[marvel-lous-things]

Promises

AN: reposting because tungle.hell is a little bitch that messed up the read more link on this and doesn’t deserve rights.

Words: 

Relationships: Family fluff, Pepperony, mentions of Peter’s crush on Harley

Prompt: “Every month everyone has a get together at the pepperony cabin and they have dinner together. Happy grills cheeseburgers for the kids (Morgan, Clint’s boys, Peter, Lila, Cassie, Harley) and they play outside until it gets dark, the older kids giving the younger ones piggy back rides and everyone eating juice pops. Steve is inside, bantering with Bucky and Sam, like the old times. Pepper wishes Tony would be here to see it all.”

—-

It was tradition, at this point, for everyone to meet up in Pepper’s old cabin (she had since moved to New York) on the first Sunday of each month. 

It had begun with a miscommunication. Steve had texted Bruce that he’d be visiting Pepper to check on her and Morgan, on that fateful day a little over a year ago. Somehow, Bruce had interpreted that as “Gather the whole gang, we’re gonna collectively show up at Pepper’s cabin with 35 assorted presents.”

It was a little odd the first time round, what with Bruce apologizing profusely for goofing up, and the cabin being too small to hold everyone while also allowing them some personal space. But she’d decided she liked having them all around. Might as well do it again.

14 months and 14 barbecue meet ups later, everyone looked forward to driving out there for a nice evening of grilled food and banter. And the occasional explosion. To be fair, when you throw two brilliant, reckless, science-loving teenagers and an equally brilliant, reckless, science-loving little girl together, explosions can (and will) occur.

Which is why Happy was very loudly arguing with Harley over using his “new and improved” grill rather than the usual one from Happy’s garage, which was decidedly safer and less daunting to use. To top it off, the damn thing was shaped like a nuke.

Elsewhere, the younger kids were having their own argument, except theirs had a little less to do with barbecue grills.

“Morgan,” Pepper called out, noticing the commotion, “it’s Cooper’s turn now, sweetheart.”

 “But mom-”

“Give it to him.”

“Just a minute!”

“Morgan.”

The 6 year old turned around, gave her mom the most heart-achingly adorable pout, and begrudgingly handed her brand new nerf gun to the older boy (a very well received gift from May). They’d been going at it all evening, shooting empty soda cans off rocks, tree branches, and at one point, Peter’s head.

Steve smiled, watching Barton’s kid shoot a can off Harley’s bike from 10 meters away. And then immediately panicking after realizing the can was actually full. And probably belonged to Harley.

“Kid’s good with a gun, Clint,” Steve noted.

“Scared he won’t take after his dad?”

The glare he received from the arrow enthusiast was borderline terrifying.

“We’ve just got killer aim, Rogers, it ain’t about the weapon. Hand me a gun, stand across the lake, and I’ll show you.”

Pepper laughed, throwing Clint a grape flavored juice pop (his favorite kind). 

“Nobody’s murdering anybody in my house, alright?”

Just before Clint could catch his dessert, though, a web shot out from behind the couch and snatched the sugar infused stick of ice right out of mid air. The web then proceeded to disappear as quickly as it came.

“Well, actually, Pepper,” said a youthful voice, no doubt belonging to the pop thief, 

“the murder would happen outside the house, so technically-”

“Peter Benjamin Parker, you give that back right now or you’re grounded for a month.”

Peter winced. Busted.

“He can get himself another one, May!” He tried (in vain).

“There’s a whole freezer full of em right outside-”

“Peter.” 

May raised her eyebrow at him. Ah, there it was. The look of devastating disapproval. A look nobody could stand to receive, let alone Peter “I cried watching Big Hero 6″ Parker.

“Alright, alright.” He sighed, back flipping over the armrest; a completely extravagant and unnecessary move that was only carried out in case Harley was watching. Peter had been trying his absolute best to get Harley’s attention off late. He told May that it was because he wanted to prove that “he’s the alpha” (May thought her disaster of a son simply wanted to impress his crush. She was right).

20 lazy footsteps and an annoyed huff later, the juice pop was slid across the kitchen counter, right into Clint’s open hand. 

When it was, regrettably, immediately snatched away by Lila.

Clint blinked. “Can’t catch a damn break, can I?”

Laura laughed, planting a reassuring kiss on her husband’s cheek. She’d learned over the past year that Clint had turned to vigilante justice to deal with his feelings of anger and helplessness. She couldn’t have him hunting down members of the Ukrainian mafia over popsicles.

“Calm down, drama queen, I’m sure there’s more in the ice box-”

“WHO TOOK ALL THE DAMN GRAPE JUICE POPS?” Captain America yelled from outside. A sound that was immediately followed by a very ungraceful pterodactyl-like screech, and Clint putting his head in his hands.

“…or maybe not.” She winced.

That was the exact moment Bucky took to walk down the stairs. a sticky purple mess gracing his face. He stopped abruptly when he noticed everyone’s eyes were on him, and just this once, he was sure it wasn’t because they were admiring his beauty. 

His eyes darted around the room, making note of Clint’s deep resignation, Pepper’s terrible poker face, May’s grimace, and Steve nearly falling off his chair in sheer amusement.

He wasn’t fully sure how to proceed.

“Uh…”

He looked around the room again, hoping it would give him answers. 

It didn’t.

“…what’s up?”

Steve actually did fall over at this point, prompting Peter to scream something about senior citizen needing help, followed by Cassie dialing 911 on Morgan’s old toy telephone. Neither of which helped him make sense of what was going on. Although, he had to admit, it was a little funny.

Bucky’s question, however, was answered when Sam entered the kitchen with the force of a very disgruntled wildebeest. He looked around wildly, until his eyes fell on Bucky and his incredibly purple grin.

“You,” Sam glowered.

“Me,” Bucky replied sweetly, slowly wiping the purple dye off his mouth with his sleeve. Which, of course, only served to drive Sam further up the wall.

“YOU DON’T EVEN LIKE GRAPE!”

“True, true.” Bucky shrugged.

“I do love pissing you off, though.”

What followed after was Sam chasing Bucky out into the woods, brandishing his shield and yelling something about how “this shield ain’t only for defending, I’ll star spangle whoop your ass you dick, come back here.”

Clint followed a minute later, on a quest to avenge his stolen popsicle

(This was after they were pointedly told by Pepper to take their battle outside, they’d lost enough vases over the year to the kids’ antics as it were).

Steve eventually found the strength to get back on his chair, and throw an apple in Harley’s general direction. Which was warranted, because the kid kept yelling “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” in this ridiculous (and frankly, offensive) “old man voice” while Steve did, in fact, struggle to get up.

He briefly wondered how pleased Tony would be to see Captain Perfect struggling with real, human issues, like achy joints and a sore back. Almost as if she’d read his mind, Pepper voiced his thoughts. 

“Tony would’ve loved to see you dealing with elderly-man problems, you know.” She laughed. “The number of times he’d complain that ‘Steve goddamn Rogers’ doesn’t suffer from a single grey hair even at the age of 100, while he did even though he was only 50.” 

She made air quotes around the “only.”

“Took a lot of convincing for him to let it grow out, you know, instead of hiding it behind dye after dye,” she rolled her eyes, “he looked at me like I’d told him to give Morgan up for adoption.”

Steve laughed softly. “A herculean effort, I’m sure.”

“Oh, you don’t know the half of it.”

Pepper remembered that conversation clear as day, like it had happened just days ago. Partly because she’d never had to convince someone who was once labelled “Sexiest Man Alive” by Times magazine that he would still be attractive with grey hair, until that strange, strange day, and partly because the method of convincing she’d opted for was… unusual, a little unexpected. But not unwelcome, for sure 

(He’d told her as much the next morning, wearing a stupidly lopsided grin, but no shirt)

Washing the dye off her fingers had been a pain in the ass though. She couldn’t believe he’d actually agreed to letting her color his hair grey. Morgan had shrieked seeing her daddy with “weird hair” (her words), which was not good for the case Pepper was making. But she had eventually warmed up to the new look. She even told Tony he looked nice, of her own accord. After which Pepper had walked in on Tony hugging his daughter and her struggling to get out of the death grip he had on her.

Pepper was snapped out of her reverie when Steve spoke up again.

“Who’s to say he isn’t seeing it, though?” 

Pepper blinked. She wasn’t one to space out often, but when she did, she was disturbingly thorough. 

“Sorry?”

“Tony, watching us,” Steve took a deep breath, “laughing at me struggling with weak hipbones, watching over you, Morgan, Peter…” He looked down at his mug of coffee, that had long since gone empty

“You never know.”

Pepper couldn’t quite place the look on his face just then. Somewhere between sad and hopeful, she supposed.

“You never know,” she repeated under her breath, more to herself than to him.

Steve heard it anyway, and smiled softly at her, before turning to look at the picture Pepper had framed on the living room wall. A picture of her, Tony, and Morgan, taken at the beach. Morgan was on his shoulders, maybe 3, 4 years old then. His right arm was wrapped around Pepper’s shoulder, her left arm around his waist. All three wore contented smiles, Tony’s and Morgan’s achingly similar.

No Iron Man, no arc reactor, no intense, murderous stare, like the hundreds of pictures that had graced every magazine in existence, for a month after his death.

Just plain, good old Tony Stark. The part of him he kept hidden from the world, reserved only for the people he loved.

It was the only picture that did him justice, Steve thought.

“I wish he could see you now, Pepper,” he turned back to her, half his mouth upturned in a small smile, “see how well his two favorite girls are doing.”

Pepper chuckled, gently placing her hand on Steve’s. 

“Oh, he knows,” she nodded, twirling the ring that still adorned her finger.

“I promised him we’d be fine.”

xxxxx

my adhd ass jumping from prompt to prompt: parkour

anyway, thanks for reading

[canyousevmyheavydirtysoul]

Bodyguard III: Avengers Assemble (Chapter 13) (B. Urie x Reader)

You and Thor were onboard a craft, fighting Chitauri, when Nat’s voice sounded over the comms.

“(Y/N), I need you on the roof of the tower!”

Squinting slightly, you looked out at Stark Tower, spotting Natasha and Doctor Selvig, beckoning you over.

“Alright, on my way,” you answered, then turned to Thor. “Care to drop me off?”

“Hang on.”

Headbutting one last alien off of the craft, Thor took the reigns and swerved, narrowly missing the Leviathan that had crashed through a building. Iron Man followed the creature, shooting at it with lasers.

“Sir, we will lose power before we penetrate that shell,” JARVIS informed Tony, who then pulled away from the Leviathan and flew off.

“JARVIS, you ever hear the tale of Jonah?” Tony queried, turning the suit around.

“I wouldn’t consider him a role model.”

Iron Man’s knee plates opened, pushing out blades, as he headed directly toward the creature’s mouth. He flew through it, blowing up the creature’s insides before coming out at the tail end.

He crashed to the ground, but got to his feet, only to be shot down again by warriors.

✧✧✧

S.H.I.E.L.D Helicarrier.

Out on the hangar bay, a jet was being lifted from the hangar and to the deck. Over the jet’s radio, the Councilwoman’s voice spoke orders.

“Director Fury is no longer in command. Override seven-alpha-one-one.”

“Seven-alpha-one-one confirmed,” the pilot said into his radio, “We’re go for takeoff.”

Inside, on the bridge, Dallon noticed something on his command centre. He immediately called out to The Director. “SIR, WE HAVE A BIRD IN MOTION!”

Fury ran out of the bridge, heading for the hangar bay, as Agent Hill took over the commands.

Pressing a finger to her ear, she alerted all agents. “Anyone on the deck, we have a rogue bird. We need to shut it down! Repeat, takeoff is not authorized!”

Up on the deck, Fury ran out with a missle launcher and fired, taking the jet out. But it was a decoy, and a second jet flew off right after. Fury lifted the launcher and aimed, but the jet was already too far ahead.

“Stark, you hear me?” he called out over the comms, “You have a missile headed straight for the city.”

✧✧✧

Midtown Manhattan.

“How long?”

“Three minutes, max. The load can wipe out mid-town.”

Stepping out, Iron Man readied for takeoff. “JARVIS, put everything we got into the thrusters.”

“I just did.”

Tony blasted off.

Down the street, Cap and Thor caught their respective shield and hammer, turning and fighting off warriors. Brendon stood beside them, using an alien weapon on the warrior he’d taken it from.

A blast from another fleet across the way caught Brendon in the ribs, and he dropped to the ground. Steve sent a car rolling towards some of them, while Thor threw Mjolnir at the others. They helped Brendon to his feet.

“You ready for another bout?” Thor asked.

“What, you gents gettin’ sleepy?” Brendon said breathlessly, pushing stray pieces of hair back from his face.

✧✧✧

Rooftop, Stark Tower.

“You’re saying I can close it?”

Selvig and Natasha stood next to you, as all of you stared at the glowing device ahead.

Natasha turned to face you and raised one brow. “You’ve got an awful lotta Tesseract juice in your veins. Makes sense.”

“Yeah but,” you huffed, biting your lower lip, “I’ve never tried to tap into it before.”

“Well,” Selvig looked around at the abudance of aliens, “now’s as good a time as any, don’t you think?”

Your head raised, your eyes focusing on the neverending stream of Chitauri pouring out from the portal. Pushing past the nerves, you centered yourself.

“Okay.”

Selvig and Natasha took an instinctive step back, distancing themselves from any potentially harmful collateral blasts. You didn’t think it to be necessary, though, since you didn’t actually believe that you would be able to harness that fraction of your power.

“Just focus,” Selvig encouraged, “you already have the power, you just have to use it.”

You circled your hands as you normally did, taking a deep breath as you shut your eyes. The familiar feeling of your icy powers washed over you, but you pushed past it, willing it away.

The sensation that accompanied your regular powers was an indescibable one; it was the second-most intense, all-consuming, euphoric thing you had ever felt.

And that’s how you knew you had done it, how you knew you had harnessed the power of the Tesseract inside of you.

Because it made you feel a million times stronger than your cryogenic powers ever did.

The glow surrounding your hands was so bright, you could see it even with your eyes closed. And when you opened them, you realised that it wasn’t just your hands that were glowing – it was your entire being.

Turning slowly, you looked at the two behind you triumphantly. They smiled.

Returning your attention to the Tesseract device, you lifted your hands and began firing energy at it. The doctor moved forward, directing you.

“Right at the crown!”

You pushed through the blue barrier surrounding the cube; it was tough to break, but you were able to reach the center.

“I can close it,” you called over the comms, “Can anybody copy? I can shut the portal down!”

Down on the street, Steve reacted first, looking up at the rooftop. “Do it!”

“No, wait,” Tony stopped you.

“Stark, these things are still coming!” Steve argued.

“I got a nuke coming in. It’s gonna blow in less than a minute.” Tony flew towards the missile, following closely behind it. “And I know just where to put it.”

Iron Man grabbed hold of the missile, and began to redirect it toward the city. From inside the helmet, he heard Brendon’s voice.

“Stark, you know that’s a one way trip.”

Ignoring him, Tony addressed his digital assistant. “Save the rest for the turn, J.”

“Sir, shall I try Miss Potts?”

Tony looked down momentarily, then back up. “Might as well.”

As he flew with the missile, Tony thought hard and bold. On the streets, Steve, Brendon and Thor looked up to the sky as Iron Man flew by. He redirected the missile, barely missing Stark Tower, and pushed it up towards the portal.

The rest of the Avengers looked on, and then – he was gone.

✧✧✧

Space.

Far above in the cosmos, Iron Man soared. When he was far enough, he let go of the nuke, as all the lights in his suit went out; it was not equipped to deal with being in space.

From inside the suit, Tony watched as the missile hit the Chitauri mothership, blasting it to pieces. Knowing his work was done, Tony closed his eyes as he slowly fell toward the portal.

✧✧✧

Earth.

With their mothership now destroyed, the aliens were powerless. The Chitauri warriors collapsed, and the Leviathans fell from the sky.

On the roof of Stark Tower, you stood waiting, looking up at the portal as you willed your friend to make it back out.

“Come on, Stark,” you muttered under your breath.

Over the comms, Steve’s voice sounded, as the captain watched from down below. “Close it.”

Obeying the captain’s instruction, you sent a stream of energy into the heart of the device, taking control. Just as the portal closed, Tony fell through the shrinking gap back to earth.

The Avengers lifted their gazes, perking up when they saw Tony reappear.

“Son of a gun!” Steve exclaimed in disbelief, a miniscule smile on his face.

Everyone watched as Iron Man plummeted to the ground, only gaining speed as he dropped.

“He’s not slowing down,” Thor pointed out, starting to swing Mjolnir.

He prepared to fly at Tony and catch him, but the Hulk did it for him, grabbing Tony out of the air before sliding down the side of a building and crashing to the ground in front of Thor, Steve and Brendon.

Hulk tossed Iron Man off of his chest to the ground as the rest gathered around them. Thor leaned down and ripped off Iron Man’s face plate and Brendon listened for a heartbeat, then saw that the arc reactor was not glowing.

A heavy silence fell over the group as they realised that they might have just lost the genius, when out of nowhere, Hulk roared and beat his chest. Tony awoke with a jolt, gasping and opening his eyes, looking around.

“What the hell?” he panted, “What just happened? Did someone kiss me? Please tell me nobody kissed me.”

Chuckling softly, Steve looked around. “We won.”

“Alright,” Tony said softly, closing his eyes for a moment and exhaling, before opening them again, addressing his colleagues in his usual tone, “Hey. Alright. Good job, guys. Let’s just not come in tomorrow. Let’s just take a day. You ever tried shawarma? There’s a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don’t know what it is, but I wanna try it.”

Looking up at the tower where his brother was still contained, Thor spoke up. “We’re not finished, yet.”

Silence for a couple moments, then Tony spoke.

“And then shawarma after?”

✧✧✧

Penthouse, Stark Tower.

Loki crawled over to a stair, groaning softly. He stopped, sensing that he was not alone, and turned to see the Avengers surrounding him. Hawkeye had an arrow aimed at his face, and Natasha held his sceptre in her hands.

“If it’s all the same to you,” Loki shifted himself, “I think I’ll have that drink now.”

✧✧✧

Central Park, New York.

The Avengers – and Doctor Selvig – walked to the centre of a footbridge. Tony was carrying a briefcase, Thor had Loki in a muzzle and handcuffs, while the rest of you followed on from your cars.

✧✧✧

Command centre, S.H.I.E.L.D Helicarrier.

“Where are the Avengers now?” the Councilman queried.

Fury looked up at the screen with raised brows. “I’m not currently tracking their whereabouts. I’d say they’ve earned a leave of absence.”

“And the Tesseract?”

✧✧✧

Central Park, New York.

Selvig took a glass cylinder out of a S.H.I.E.L.D truck, and Tony opened his case, which was on the ground. Reaching down, you picked up the cube from the case with your bare hands and deposited it into the glass cylinder Selvig held.

“The Tesseract is where it belongs… out of our reach.”

✧✧✧

 Command centre, S.H.I.E.L.D Helicarrier.

“That’s not your call,” the Councilman hissed, straightening in his seat.

“I didn’t make it,” Fury retorted, “I just didn’t argue with the goddess that did.”

✧✧✧

Central Park, New York.

Thor smiled as he hugged you and shook hands with Selvig, saying goodbye.

“So you let Thor take it…”

Loki was bound and gagged, but his feelings were clearly expressed through the frown lines on his forehead. As he looked upon Natasha, she turned to whisper something into Clint’s ear, making him smile.

“…and the war criminal Loki, who should be answering for his crime.”

“Oh, I think he will be.”

Thor held the cylinder with the Tesseract inside and gestured it to Loki, who reluctantly grabbed the other end. With a quick nod at his teammates, the God of Thunder twisted the device. It lit up, and the two Asgardians vanished into the sky.

✧✧✧

Command centre, S.H.I.E.L.D Helicarrier.

“I don’t think you understand what you’ve started,” the Councilwoman shook her head, “letting the Avengers loose on this world. They’re dangerous.”

“They surely are,” Fury nodded in agreement, “and the whole world knows it.” He looked between the members of the council. “Every world knows it.”

“Was that the point in all this?” the Councilman asked, “A statement?”

“A promise.”

Without another word, the council signed off, and Fury exited the room. Agent Hill joined him as he walked towards the bridge.

“Sir, how does it work now? They’ve gone their separate ways, some pretty extremely far. We get into a situation like this again… what happens then?”

“They’ll come back,” The Director answered, confident.

“You really sure about that?”

“I am.”

“Why?”

Fury looked out over the Helicarrier.

“Because we’ll need them to.”

✧✧✧

Unknown area of space.

The Other kneeled at the feet of another, unidentified alien.

“They humans, they are not the cowering wretches we were promised. They stand. They are unruly and therefore cannot be ruled.”

The disembodied figure in a chair stood, and The Other bowed, almost as if he were in pain.

“To challenge them,” The Other continued, “is to court death.”

The figure turned and smiled, revealing himself to be the mad titan himself –

THANOS.

_______________________________

Thank you for reading x

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[purkinje-effect]

The Anatomy of Melancholy, 17

Table of Contents Go to first. Go to previous. Go to next.

‘Choly, you are plying the favor of the wrongest people...

Coming off the scaffolding to one of the yet-incomplete high rises in Lexington, 'Choly dismounted Angel and leaned toward the rubble which topped the building. A sizable measure of the interstate overpass had fallen, and with it, a freightliner, now decaying at the top of an apartment building that would likely never be finished. The chemist sighed and sat on some of it. Waiting around for Jared to come calling had only compounded his anxiety. He had to get out of the pharmacy to clear his head, and wandering the ruins of Lexington seemed as good a distraction as any. From where he rested, he could see the pharmacy sign, and he squinted dryly a moment before failing to smooth back his messy bun and continuing around the ruined apartments.

Rounding the freightliner, he came across catwalk scaffolding which ran between a pair of billboards over the street, and he strolled across it. The breeze elicited a faint smile, and he got most of the way across the makeshift bridge before it clicked that he had passed a bed roll... and a duffel bag... and a lit lantern... and a chem box... He choked up hearing heavy mechanical steps behind him, and he motioned to Angel to follow in kind as he stumbled to the other side of the bridge to duck around the side of the wall and hope he wasn't caught trespassing. The military chemist knew that sound anywhere. The person who inhabited this precarious venue had power armor--and abandon only knew what else.

"Who's up here?" The source of the rough, effeminate voice got closer, and with a shaking finger to his mouth 'Choly looked up at Angel, who looked down at him with tense sensor-posing. He motioned to let it mount its harness again, and it blinked its sensor-irises at him in agreement. "Lonnie? I told you, you're not takin' my turret."

A disembodied "shit!" snapped behind them after Angel fired up its thrusters again and followed 'Choly's direction that they sprint across what had once partly been a kitchen area to the stairwell, and hasten down the stairs in an attempt to escape. Eyes glass-wide, 'Choly glued his face flush to the top of the Mister Handy, paranoid of head clearance as the Handy deftly turned on a dime to slingshot across a commons area exposed to the elements by missing walls. It didn't waste time taking the stairwell on the other side, now having also attracted the attention of the feral ghouls who had rested and around the commons' sofa.

At ground level, they zipped to the left to avoid the majority of bricks and concrete which littered the sidewalk around the stairwell door. Rather than risk the raider in power armor following them back to the pharmacy, 'Choly instead instructed Angel to duck into another high rise apartment building. Once inside, he fretted a moment at the discovery of more ferals, but quickly unclenched seeing they'd already been taken care of. A good bit of the first floor had collapsed in, especially one far corner. He noted that the damages there looked more explosive in nature than like structural failings, and he put a hand to his mouth to keep himself from laughing aloud at understanding that someone had used something like a mini-nuke to break down the wall rather than tolerate hacking the terminal which had once locked a security door. There was something to be said of finesse.

He wondered to himself, as they scaled the stairs, what they might have been so impatient to retrieve from such a room. They came upon a room, with walls little more than support beams, which had likely once functioned as a craftsman's workspace. Most of the tools had already been looted, but the bench remained. He gestured for Angel to power down its thruster again and crouch with him here, and once they both resumed hiding, he sighed. They could remain here until the coast was clear.

After some time, his restless mind got to scrutinizing the remaining effects of the apartment that used to occupy this space. His eyes fell on a wall safe, and he whet his lips and scooted nearer to it. Out came a bobby pin from his hair and the screwdriver. His ear went to the door, his tongue ever so slightly to the corner of his mouth. This building didn't look like anyone had lived in it since before everything went bottoms-up, so he could help himself to this fidgeting prize conscience-free, a little more quietly than whoever had emptied out that room downstairs. With a long-delayed success, he tucked the bobby pin in his hair and his screwdriver back in his pocket, and he used his fingertips to pull the edges of the door toward him slowly. He found a stack of cash and a fistful of silver jewelry, as well as a pistol.

Melancholy detachedly tucked the cash and heirlooms into his pockets, his nostalgia focused upon the firearm now in his lap. An M1895 Nagant revolver. This apartment had belonged to a war veteran, and the gun had likely been an American's war trophy from a felled Soviet in the Chinese theater. He found no 7.62 bullets to go with it, and had little hope of coming across any since the caliber was far more common for European or Soviet weapons; but, coming across one of the most common-issue firearms he grew up surrounded by still comforted him somehow. With a grin, he pocketed the ivory-handle gun.

"Saw that robot go this way. Little fucker can't be far behind it."

In a panic, 'Choly could survey no way out of his hiding place besides rushing the same stairs, and armed himself with his .38 as he heard multiple footsteps ascending nearer. The power armor raider had Jared with her, and when they both caught sight of the two of them crouched in the corner hiding, Jared blurted out a sarcastic laugh.

"Chemist, I've been looking for you. My sentinel Jerry tells me you were snooping around in her things. When I said you could travel the city without opposition, I didn't mean you could just enter my people's dwellings uninvited."

'Choly didn't drop his grip on the pistol, frozen in place staring at the power armor itself. Even just the exposed frame itself unsettled him; although the blonde with razor-streaked short hair didn't have any of the plates or a helmet on the frame, she still exhibited a massive range of physical control and force that someone without one could not.

"This-- it's all a misunderstanding," 'Choly tried. "I didn't touch a thing in her place. I didn't mean to--"

"--Enough." Jared pinched at his nose bridge. "I care less whether you took anything and more why you weren't where I told you to be. I said I would come get you when I was ready. My raiders brought news to me that they saw you leaving the SDM, and now I've found you playing hide and seek in the apartments. Either you're foolhardy as hell, or just plain stupid."

"You're--" 'Choly scrunched his nose to adjust the bridge of his glasses. "You're here to get me for work? This isn't about... Jerry's things?"

"If I find any chems missing," she sneered, "I know who to come to."

"--Can it!" Jared snapped his teeth at her to quieten her. "Yes, I'm here to collect you. When you wouldn't answer your comm, I noticed your note that you'd be nearby, and Jerry told me she saw you run this way. Please don't make it this difficult to locate you in the future. I'll have to get... stern."

"Can I meet you at the factory in an hour?" 'Choly finally dropped his firearm to his lap. "I have equipment and materials to pick up, and I need to eat something before we get started."

"Don't make me regret saying yes." Jared and Jerry stood there and stared him down. "Well? Get going."

Angel had aimed its laser at the two of them the entire time, but put it away to power its thruster back up and escort its owner off.

After inhaling a Salisbury steak, 'Choly located a flatbed cart in the stock room and had Angel load it up with the care package crate, as well as the case of inhalers. The chemist wheeled himself in the chair while the Handy pushed along the cart behind him. As the two jaunted down the street and passed the Battle Green, they heard a finger-whistle. 'Choly whipped his head up to see Jerry on the catwalk over the street, peeking through the gap to one side of the billboard which advertised the city's Slocum's Joe.

"Get to work, runt," she hollered at him, then broke into pointed laughter.

"Working on it." His attempt at wit got her laughing again, and they continued on when they were confident she was teasing them and not warning them.

Upon arriving at the factory, a couple of scouts, positioned around the catwalks of the main entrance, hooted and hollered that 'Choly had a robot. He could have sworn he heard one of them wish he'd tell him where he could get a robot that would follow orders. Angel heard something 'Choly did not and flinched, but said nothing as to rise above it. The pair took the elevator to the assembly floor, and scaled the ramp to the mezzanine with the foreman's office, where Jared awaited them with a beer in hand and total impatience on his face.

"Christ, chemist. You told me you'd only be an hour. I was just about to come rip you out of that pharmacy myself."

"I had more to get together than I thought," 'Choly apologized, removing his glasses long enough to wipe his face on his sleeve. He motioned for Angel to pull the smaller crate off the top of the larger one, then pointed to the big one and looked to Jared. "I'm sure what I've got for you will be to your liking. This is Angel, by the way."

"A pleasure, I hope," it interjected at a caution.

Jared sustained eye contact with the Handy at length before he jumped up and was about to begin pacing.

"You said you were getting together equipment for our project. That's what I'm going to like--" Angel took the lid off the aluminum crate and Jared gawked at the variety of contents. His comment abruptly dropped into a low whistle. "What's this now?"

"Well, I told you that I'd split the supermarket salvage with you, if you gave me permission to go in there. It's up to you how to, or whether you want to, distribute it among your outfit. I suppose the whole crate's yours alone, if you want. It's mostly junk food, but if you're anything like me, creature comforts make such a difference."

"You are the craziest motherfucker I have ever met." Jared shook a box of Sugar Bombs cereal and stared at it, then with animation he rifled through the crate to get a basic idea of the extent of things included in it. "Do you have any idea how many ferals are in there? ...No, were? Christ. I can't believe this. First aid, chems, decent food-- and nine entire bottles of red wine? Tribute accepted," he grinned.

"Tribute-- I, yes, you're most welcome, of course." Dumbstricken to see Jared so chipper, 'Choly eventually motioned for Angel to open the smaller crate. "And of course, there's also the paraphernalia I promised."

"Hopefully, you won't stop ceasing to amaze me anytime soon." Jared inspected one of the empty inhaler ampuoles, then put it back. "Let's get cracking."

The area 'Choly had scoped out to transform into their distillation workspace lay tucked in one corner of the assembly floor, and had once provided welding tank lines to the mechanical arms which pieced together the automobiles. With the two water heater tanks Jared had produced at 'Choly's request, they would craft the means to drive off the desired gases from manure, and under pressure, funnel it off into single metered doses. Like knowing the smell of a skunk, the distinct salty musk of brahmin manure carried with it a sensory imprint someone can't forget. And the place already reeked of it before they'd even gotten the equipment far enough along to load it in. The chemist wouldn't dare ask where Jared had gotten hold of the stuff, considering how badly that conversation had gone the time before. 'Choly and Jared worked, for the most part, in strained silence. Angel idled nearby and assisted with lifting metal components as requested.

"I hope you like the Nuka Cola." 'Choly eyeballed a feeder pipe and tried to assess where his theoretical schematics would connect to it. "I know it's nothing like it used to be, but to be honest, I've come to enjoy it better than wine. The cherry's my favorite, so I hope you don't mind that I kept most of those for myself."

"Yeah, it's all right. More interested in the caps that come from emptying them." Down on the polished concrete floor, Jared grunted as he worked at tightening the threads of a bolt around a pipe. "What do you mean, like it used to be? Stop being cryptic with me."

"Well, it's not carbonated anymore. And it's alcoholic now. Just as refreshing either way, I suppose."

"The fuck is carbonated?"

'Choly idled, hung up on words.

"Mm, it was fizzy. It had bubbles. I suppose champagne might not still be fizzy either. I liked carbonation."

"Do you always have this much trouble separating what's real from what you see when you're high? I've never heard a single person describe Nuka Cola like that."

"Hey now, I've only had my Mentats today," 'Choly defended. He traced a finger through the air to where he finally determined the pipe to end up, and snapped his fingers with resolution, scribbling down further notes in his lap. "I just... miss how a lot of things used to be. Sorry if my talking about it's depressing."

"What's depressing is that your trips just make you see into the past." Jared fermented, narrowly not flinging his adjustable wrench across the assembly floor. "Useless! Can't you fuckin' see forward?"

'Choly stopped and set the pencil in his lap, and zoned out with his gaze toward the distillation boilers. He couldn't make sense of what Jared could mean, but could at least recognize his competency was in question. Massaging at his knees, he bit at his lips and glanced over to Jared.

"A lot of prewar knowledge can't not have died with civilization. Some of that knowledge is what's crafting this equipment that's going to produce chems for your outfit."

Jared couldn't argue with that, and the silence returned.

After that, Jared would sometimes break strings of silence with random questions about what the world was like two hundred years ago, just to prod 'Choly into shuttling stories the accuracy of which the raider couldn't be entirely certain. Either way, he couldn't hardly shut up the chemist once he got going, and at least it was entertaining if not educational. Maybe there was some value in the past, after all.

Go to Next »»»

[howtohero]

#101 Archers and Arrows

Arrows, arrows are a very useful part of society. Without them signs would just say “free pizza this way,” or “if you walk this way there is a 100% chance of you getting stabbed twenty-three times in the face,” with zero indication of which direction the thing the sign is describing is happening. Arrows are also useful if you are putting on a period piece about Medieval warfare or if you are an Olympic archer. What arrows are not generally useful for… is crime fighting. The trend of archer crime fighters began in 1456 CE with Frederyk (last name unknown let’s just say it’s) Arrowpants who used a bow and arrow to fight crime because guns had not yet come to his village (by the time the traveling firearms circus arrived he had already gotten really good with a bow and he didn’t want all that training to go to waste). Arrowpants made a (first) name for himself by fighting corrupt rich people and then, since he was always on the run, he’d leave the money he stole with poor families in the town for safekeeping. Arrowpants went on to inspire the myth of Robin Hood which is why we have all these nonsense costumed crime fighters running around with a bow and like eleven arrows max. 

One of the major reasons why archers are generally ineffective in a super-battle is that they have very limited ammo. They have as much arrow ammo as they can fit in their quiver and their quiver can only be so big before it becomes unwieldy and cumbersome in a fight. To combat this I suggest keep caches of extra arrows hidden in secret places around your city. These caches should be stashed in out of the way places away from major thoroughfares and communal spaces. This way you can shift your super-fight to one of these locations without needlessly endangering civilian life. Also, you don’t want somebody to accidentally stumble upon your arrows and stab one of their eyes out. If you’re fighting somewhere where you don’t have arrows stashed, like in a different city or in space or on a floating country, then you better keep careful track of where you arrows are going so you can collect them later.

You’d also do well to have different kinds of specialized arrows. Having specialty arrows can set you apart from the rest of the archer pack quiver and go a long way towards making yourself desirable to superhero teams. Here are a few good examples of specialty arrows you should look into either purchasing or developing:

Electric-Zapping Arrows: You can give both your enemies and your teammates quite a shock when you pull these out and become an effective fighter.

Exploding Arrows: These pointy tipped arrows are literally the bomb. In the right hands they can be even more useful than conventional explosives because they can be launched far and can embed themselves in walls or vehicles or chests.

Flash-Bang Arrows: These arrows are useful for disorienting enemies, plus they give you an excuse to wear your cool sunglasses and designer headphones into battle. You’ll be the flyest guy in the fight (not counting the guys who can fly).

Sticky Arrows: Stop bad guys dead in their tracks with these bubble-gum/glue/cement filled arrows.

Hacking Arrows: For the tech-savvy archer, these arrows can embed themselves in different machines and provide you or someone else with remote access to the data stored within.

Grapple-Arrows: These arrows are attached to grapple lines that the archer can then use (in tandem with their bow) to zip across buildings or just off-screen for a hasty escape. These things are 100% more useful than grappling hooks because they don’t need to hook onto anything, they just need to be strong enough to pierce whatever you’re shooting.

Magic-Arrows: Arrows that you can control with magic through your mind, speech or whistling can be useful to take out several foes at once. If you have one of these you don’t really need anything else. You don’t even technically need a bow. This shouldn’t even really be a part of this list!

Boxing-Glove Arrows: Useful if you want to punch someone whose really far away.

Buzzsaw-Arrow: Useful if you want to frikkin murder someone. Or if you’re trapped in a hedge-labyrinth filled with villains and monsters and you want a quick escape.

Cryo-Arrows: Similar to Stick Arrows, these arrows contain capsules of cryo-gas that can freeze people or objects. 

Fire-Arrows: These are just regular arrows that you set on fire before launching. Just make sure to fire launch them quickly. Can be used like a flare-gun.

Messenger Arrows: These arrows contain recorded messages (or have paper letters tied to them). Only useful if you can shoot insanely long distances with extreme accuracy. Or if you need to get a message to your buddy across a crowded battlefield.

Bug Arrows: These arrows are full of, you guessed it, bugs! It’s literally never not useful!

Bola-Arrows: These arrows produce tough ropes attached to metal balls that can tie your enemies to conveniently located support beams or telephone poles.

Helium Arrows: When these arrows are shot on a battle field they burst open unleashing high amounts of helium into the air. This will cause everybody in the fight’s voices to get all high and squeaky. Hilarious.

Blunted-Arrows: These arrows are good if you don’t want to murder anybody but still want to be able to aim for the chest and head.

Glow-in-the-Dark Arrows: Useful if you’re fighting in a rave or a cave.

Theme Song Arrow: Record your theme song onto this arrow and then launch it into battle ahead of you for a sick entrance.

Seed Pellet Arrows: These arrows are packed with seeds to make gardening way cooler. Lets you plant in hard to reach places.

Net-Arrow: These arrows produce large unbreakable nets to easily incapacitate your enemies. They also come in electric and barbed varieties, ask your local arrow supplier.

Oxygen Arrows: Useful if you’re fighting in space or underwater. Just fire one of these babies and oxygen will be dispersed all around. [Note: These are not useful please invest in actual space and/or scuba gear.]

Condiment Arrows: These arrows are very useful if you’re making a sandwich, hosting a superhero cookout which I’m sure has got to be a thing, or fighting PB&Slay the giant evil sandwich.

Ridable Arrows: These arrows are useful for team-ups with shrinkers. They have a tiny cockpit and a steering mechanism so the shrinker can ride in it and control its trajectory once launched.

Sonic Arrows: These arrows can emit a high pitched noise to give villains migraines or to accidentally give up your location while sneaking around somewhere you’re not supposed to be.

Boomerang Arrow: These arrows negate the whole “scrounging around a battlefield to retrieve your only arrows” problem since they come right back to you!

Fire-Retardant Foam Arrows: These arrows can unleash fire-retardant foam, a foam that retards fires! Use it to make all the firemen in your town jealous and all the arsonists angry.

Knockout-Arrows: These arrows can knock a fool out if you hit them in the head hard enough.

Knockout-Gas-Arrows: These arrows produce a gas that renders whoever inhales it unconscious. Make sure you’ve got a gas mask handy.

Magnetic Arrows: Use these arrows to climb up metal walls that can’t be pierced by your regular arrows. 

Tracking Arrows: These arrows contain tracking devices so you can monitor their location or use them to track fleeing villains. 

Suction Cup Arrows: These practice arrows can be used in training sessions or for young archers who can’t yet handle diamond tipped arrows or flesh-eating arrows.

Pronged Arrows: These arrows are forked so you can pin a person’s limbs to a wall without all that pesky blood getting everywhere. Or if you wanna stab two people at once!

Wooden Arrows: To fight vampires.

Silver Arrows: To fight werewolves.

Gold Arrows: Cuz You’re all about that bling.

Harpoon Arrows: To fight whales.

Tranq-Arrows: Yet another kind of arrow to knock out bad guys.

Smoke-Arrows: These arrows create a smokescreen for quick getaways.

Lightning Arrow: Harness the power of Zeus with this actual lightning bolt that you stole and then tried to shoot at someone with a bow!

Pen Arrows: The tips of these unique arrows are actually just fully functioning ball-point pens. They’re not much use in battle unless you’re fighting one of the evil Octomen and want to give them a taste of their own ink-shooting medicine.

Spare Change Arrows: This arrow can be shot at parking meters to trick them into thinking they’ve been paid. Plus they’re reusable! Never pay for parking again! Or pay other people’s meters, like a true hero.

Acid Arrows: Corrode your way out of any death trap or office meeting!

EMP Arrows: Villains using too much of that new-fangled technological stuff? Not anymore! 

Multi-Arrows: This arrow separates into three different arrows when fired! So you gotta aim three times as well. 

Nuke-Arrows: Honestly I’m not sure how useful these things are, chances are you’re not going to be able to fire it far enough for you to not be caught in the blastzone and also superheroes should not be nuking anyone. But I guess it’s better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. 

Oil Slick Arrows: Sometimes known as the Banana-Peel Arrow, these arrows can make villains fall on their butts in a frankly hilarious manner.

Magic-Piercing Arrows: These arrows can pierce magic. It’s all in the name. It’s right there.

Safe-Cracking Arrows: These are arrows eliminate the need for you to ever befriend any thieves. And they don’t even steal your wallets while talking to you!

Parachute Arrows: For when you’re falling from an extraordinary height (let’s say your arrow-jet is exploding or you tripped and fell out of a space station.)

Umbrella Arrows: For when you’re falling out of an exploding aircraft and you used up all your parachute arrows last week.

Recording Arrows: Shoot these into a villains lair and, if he somehow doesn’t notice an arrow embedded in his wall, you can learn lots of juicy bad guy gossip.

Skeleton Key Arrows: Use these to pick any lock or just shoot a bad guy’s face with one, I’m sure it’ll still hurt.

Glass Arrow: This one isn’t really so much of a weapon. It’s actually an award you got from the Archer’s Society of America but hey, if some bad guy breaks into your hideout and this is the closest arrow to you I’m sure it can still be used as an effective distraction if nothing else.

Recyclable Arrows: To fight climate change.

Converting-Arrow: This arrow is actually a small shape-changing robot named Flint Head and he is very eager to be launched at bad guy. He’s such an adorable little go-getter!

Time-Warp Arrows: These arrows can be shot back in time if you really wanna kill a dinosaur or shatter the time stream.

Valentines Arrows: These romantic projectiles have arrowheads shaped like hearts for when you have a kind of love/hate thing going on with your nemesis.

A Plunger: Just a regular plunger. Always keep one in your quiver just in case.

Infecto-Arrow: This arrow carries a deadly pathogen that you can use to infect enemies that you want to extract information from.

Antidote Arrow: This arrow holds the cure to the deadly pathogen you’ve weaponized. Use it to save your enemy after getting the information you need.

Now, I know we’ve given archers a bad rap in the past, and it’s because they’re just so silly. But I guess they’re really no more silly than the guy who can turn his upper body into that of a shark (gills and all) or the guy who talks to monkeys but doesn’t use that power to fight crime, just to chat, and both Amphin and Dr. Gibbon are members of superhero teams, so really who are we to judge. Also, they’re usually excellent marksmen and that’s always something that’s good to have around. Plus, if you follow all of our advice here (archers should always wear sleeves, all heroes should really have sleeves but for some reason a lot of archers go without them. Don’t do this, your arms are not bullet proof, also it’s cold) you can become a respected arching superhero striking fear into the hearts of all the snow monsters and Russian spies with guns for arms that you come across. 

[humans-are-seriously-weird]

Sooo... Explosions!!!

Well, this is my first ever tumblr post(Yay!), sorry if it goes a little wonky. Anyways! Found this blog a few hours ago and have been reading through it on and off. Hilarious, and I just could resist making my own little twisted and hopefully comical contribution. :D

So, we've seen the posts about fire, injuries, even the cleaner bot know as Stabby. Even a few about invasions and fights and the like. But what about recreational shooting? With modern-era firearms, not the super-quiet no-recoil sci-fi things everyone always thinks could be in the future. I mean, it seems like everyone enjoys a good ole giant gun going off. You just can't help but grin! So, without further delay, here we go!

It was - insert unpronounceable alien name(Let's just call said alien Zeb and for the sake of sanity, use the same gender pronouns as we do.) - Zeb's first of his two recreational rotations for this cycle. After the long and boring time of this most recent cycle, Zeb figured he could go for a bit of excitement. After all, there was rarely anything to do during a lowly Level 2 patrol. Apparently the captain had... irritated someone higher up.

Shaking his head, Zeb banished those thoughts as the door to the on-ship shooting range opened with a soft hiss. Stepping inside, he checked in with the range master and headed to a free spot. Setting the case containing his personal grav-pulser onto the deck and removing the weapon, he soon fell into the comforting rhythm of shooting, all other worries being drowned by the various whines and hums of other shooter's weapons.

A while later, during a short break as Zeb recharged his weapon's power cells, he noticed one of the human members of the crew check in with the range master. Dismissing it after a moment, he went back to shooting. As he drained one power cell and went to smack another home, he felt a tap on his lower right shoulder. Pausing and glancing down at the human, he tried to recall the name of the figure before him.

"Ah, Human-James, may I assist you with something?"

"Nah, just wanted to make sure it was alright if I set up here," the brown head-furred human replied, gesturing to the shooting bay beside Zeb's.

"Certainly. I thank you for asking."

"Thanks, not a problem."

For a moment, Zeb watched as the strange little human placed two cases on the floor, one of which was almost as long as Human-James was tall! The short human then extracted a wood and metal contraption in the vague shape of a beam-rifle from the smaller case. Taking obvious care with it, he started to go through a series of checks that honestly left Zeb quite bored. Turning back to his shooting, he thought nothing more of the human he was now sharing the shooting range with.

Moments later, Zeb nearly dropped his grav-pulser as the human bellowed.

"EYES AND EARS!!"

In a moment of utter confusion, every single Chlivloit in the range turned to look at the lone human. That human looked back at them with just as much confusion.

"Eyes and ears?" he repeated, befuddled by the lack of response.

"Yes, our visual and audial organs are functioning properly, why do you ask?"

"Look, just... put the blast shield down on your stations for a moment if you don't have safety glasses, and cover your ears."

"Why?"

"Please? Just do it?" Human-James seemed to be getting increasingly agitated, Zeb noted, as he quickly followed the instructions.

Nodding in satisfaction as the rest of occupants do the same, curious about what was about to happen, Human-James put a small box into the bottom of the rifle-like thing before moving a large lever of polished metal in what seemed to be a very specific motion. Bringing the stock of the weapon up to his shoulder, Human-James took aim down the primitive optic sights. With barely any warning, the human squeezed the trigger of his weapon.

BANG!

Ears ringing, Zeb thought his heart would leap out of his scaled chest both from fright and the invisible hammer that smashed into his body. Worse was when he saw Human-James' upper body jolt from the apparent catastrophic failure of his weapon.

"WOOHOO!!" Human-James cried out, setting the thunderous weapon down and pumping both hands into the air. "Bullseye, baby! That's what I like to see!"

"My... congratulations on your impressive marksmanship, Human-James. But why are you so happy, if I may ask? Your weapon failed, did it not?"

"Failed?" the human seemed genuinely confused. "Why would it have failed? This was my great-grandfather's gun, and it's been handed down ever since. My family has taken pride in keeping it in top shape."

"Then why did it explode so violently, as it if it was a micro-nuke launcher, not some form of rifle?"

"Nah, it didn't explode, it's supposed to do that. This is a gun, not those fancy grav-thingies we tend to use now. Shoots a small piece of shaped copped-coated lead down a rifled barrel using the expanding gasses of a controlled explosion. It's much more fun than those new ones. So much less... clinical."

"Fun. You call nearly deafening yourself and removing your arm 'fun'?"

"Oh, that was nothing. This is just a .30-06. You should see my .50 cal! Here, I'll show you."

And then Human-James pulls a "gun" almost as long as he is tall out of the other case before holding up two different size cylinder-shaped pieces of brass.

"This is a .30-06," he said, pointing to the smaller of the two. It was about the size of Human-James' second smallest finger. "This is a .50 cal," he finished with a grin on his face. The larger of the two was bigger than the .30-06 by almost half in length, and more than twice as large in diameter.

"What is that?! A missile?!"

"Able to penetrate some forms of armor at decent range, or take out a target at the very edges of believability. Now people just use them for fun."

"Fun."

"Yup!"

"...I think I need to talk to the captain... The briefing on your species needs to be updated... again."

[everythingtimeless]

Welcome to EverythingTimeless’ Weekly Roundtable, a sprawling discussion in which your friendly neighborhood Mod Time Team breaks down episodes of our favorite show, Timeless. We can’t promise to be coherent, but we’ll try our best.

This week: Season 1, Episode 3 - Atomic City

Kate: Friends, noblepersons, fandom, lend us your dashes, it is time to go down the time travel rabbit hole to Las Vegas 1962 and hear all about our feelings related to it.

         (sorry in advance)

Sarah: And boy was it The Bomb.

Ann: SARAH BRINGING THE JOKES.

Kate: RIGHT OUT THE GATE, COMING IN LIKE A HOT NUKE.

Sarah: Like ripping off a bandaid. Which Kate just spat on.

Kate: I’m not sorry.

Sarah: I feel like this is the first of the episodes where I didn't have a solid grasp on the history. Which was kind of great. Because I had no expectations or predictions.

Ann: Agreed. I had just enough Vegas Rat Pat knowledge to have a touchstone, but that's about it.

Kate: Hard agree. I had no clue they were dropping radiation balloons all over the Nevada desert. Silly humans.

Luckily Hilary (@qqueenofhades) fills us in on all the deets in her weekly historical supplemental special. Check. It. Out.

Ann: That I did know! I'm weirdly fascinated by atomic bombs, so for me, to see how they literally made it into a spectator sport in the 60s is WILD.

(My birthday is on the anniversary of Nagasaki. It's a horrendous thing to be forever tied to.)

Kate: I like that Timeless goes after the more obscure as well as the well known. Kudos.

Sarah: It definitely allows for narrative breathing room.

Ann: I will say that again, even though it was terrifying from a future         perspective, once again Timeless brought the cinematic beauty with that Vegas opening.

Sarah: That they did.

Kate: The window shot of Judith Campbell watching the mushroom cloud was breathtaking.

Sarah: Could you imagine seeing that and not being terrified?

Ann: Before we get too into plot. I need to talk about the costumes this week. THE COSTUMES.That saffron dress Lucy wore

Kate:  Lucy was gorgeous. Right down to the gloves.

Sarah:  Wyatt's look at the Cigarette Girl outfit was pretty fabulous. See: sassy comment.

Kate:  He wanted her to wear it. Yes he did.

Ann  The eyes don't lie.

Sarah: Judith's outfits were gorgeous too. Bombshell. Bomb-shell.

Kate: A big part of this episode has Rufus refusing to believe Anthony could betray the team and help steal the mothership. Rufus and his big ass heart. I cry. Always.

Sarah: Rufus believes in people a lot - which is amazing because of the three team members, he could be the most cynical about time traveling. But ultimately, what I feel like this episode's strong suit is, is also called out by Rufus: They are finally starting to gel as a team.

Kate: They are. Wyatt refuses to shoot Anthony because Rufus asks.They start having time team banter aimed at Lucy's surprise engagement in the Lifeboat.

Sarah: Wyatt is particularly sassy.

Which I am on board with.

All the winks and saucy looks.

Ann: Ugh yes. Wyatt was wayyyy too "nonchalant" about it all. YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE.

Kate: Wyatt is also extra testy. Because this man is hurting over Jessica and just wants to find a damn way to fix it. Can you imagine having a dead spouse and a time machine and being told you cannot do anything?

Ann: Not even remotely.

Sarah: And he keeps trying. While also - at the moment - obeying the overt rules of time travel. As evidenced by him sending a telegram 50 years into the future. (It worked in Back to the Future II...)

Kate: I like the way the writers have these beginning interactions with him and Lucy, that aren't overt but open little doors, but also show the faithfulness to his wife. It is a hard balance and I think they succeed.

Ann: Agreed.its an important character build, especially if they intend him for Lucy, who is a character people hold in VERY high regard. He needs to have the loyalty and integrity to be worthy of her. And he oddly demonstrates that integrity and loyalty first to another woman. But it plays.

Kate: It does.

Sarah: It really does. And I think part of that is that you can see the love he had - or has - for his wife, but the guilt is what drives him.

Kate: Also interesting was that in an episode where you expect focus on Sinatra or Kennedy you instead get Judith Campbell. Love it.

Ann: BECAUSE TIMELESS GETS IT.

Sarah: Timeless. Gets. It. Thank you for focusing on a lady instead of womanizers.

Kate: I love that they humanize a woman degraded by history (particularly when the men were completely excused and they were the ones with the vows).

Ann: Right. Completely.  I really enjoyed her. Another well done guest character.

Sarah:  Agreed. Another figure in history who had little power, but used what power she had to her advantage.

Ann: She was interesting and unexpected. Smart and fleshed out.

Sarah: And of course was vilified for it.

Ann:  Nothing more condemnable than being a smart woman, Sarah!

Sarah:  Surely not!

Kate:  When Lucy talks about her fate my heart just ached. But it is nice that she gets a sort of character defense in the show decades after her death.

Sarah:  And even Rufus echoes that he thought she had it all together...to which Wyatt, revealing more of his depth, replies that no one has it all together. I do think as a team they started to understand each other more.

Kate:  Agreed. Every episode brings them closer together, in spite of any disagreement about the fabric of history and how best to protect it.

Ann: It's a big reason why I love this show. It's character driven, but the growth also feels organic.

Sarah:  Wyatt has a moment of rebellion, but ultimately is starting to see that his bullheadedness might not always be best course of action.

Kate: I will take one moment to whine about the fact that the group Sinatra led was not the Rat Pack, but The Summit (or The Clan). Humphrey Bogart led a group with Lauren Bacall, Shirley MacLain and others including Sinatra who were the Rat Pack. Moment over. I feel better.

We cannot not talk about the chisel jawed, angsty eyed Garcia in all his anti-hero glory.

Sarah: Garcia.

Kate: The shallowest parts of me relish a good fight between him and Wyatt.

Sarah: Garcia - further complicating my feelings for him...WHY DO YOU NEED THE CORE OF A NUCLEAR WEAPON.

Kate: WHY NOT, SARAH.

Sarah: Fair. Point.

Kate: Some men see things as they are and ask why. Some men dream of nuclear weapons in timelines that never were and ask why not. -a little RFK, a little Garcia, a little Kate.

It does make you wonder though. Just how damn bad is this Rittenhouse that Garcia is looking for nukes to take them on.

Sarah: Right? That cannot be a good sign. They're also terrible enough that Anthony has given up his life and family to help Garcia in his pursuit and destruction of them. And Anthony is clearly someone Rufus highly regarded

Kate: As Rufus says, Anthony's family is everything to him. So yes. The Rittenhouse plot thickens.

And I am not convinced Noah the pop-up surprise fiancé is not one of them.

Ann: He is definitely one of them. No one is that handsome without an agenda.

Kate: Exactly, Annie.

Ann: See: Wyatt and Garcia.

Sarah: Amen, Annie.

Kate: Hallelujah.

Sarah: I think that this episode was really a stepping stone - working mostly to build the relationship for our time team, and also to raise the stakes for the rest of the season.

Kate: Completely agreed.

Sarah: Rittenhouse isn't small potatoes. It's large, radioactive potatoes.

Kate: Potatoes that glow in the dark, so fun times.

Ann: It was also another great step for the team to become more invested in one another. That ALSO ups the stakes, if not in a different way. We're slowly not just people sitting together in a time machine, being the various pieces to this puzzle. We are almost friends.

Kate: Final thoughts? Important takeaways besides Rittnehouse potatoes?I have one. Seat belt. Third episode in a row. Chills.

Ann: It's really rude.

Sarah: Wyatt is a nerd who can outline the plot of Back to the Future II. Lucy will not stand to be manhandled or have others manhandled. Rufus will fight for his friends - and that includes Wyatt and Lucy - to the bitter end.

And also seat belt.

Kate: Raise your hand if you have been personally victimized by the seatbelt.

Sarah: Casual fricking seat belt. Wink included.

Ann: *raises hand*

Mine is that once again, in 43 short minutes, I become way too invested in a character of the week. How is this show so good at that??

Sarah: Too. Good.

Ann: I was literally Tyra Banks. I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU!

Kate: I have no idea, but it happens, week in, week out.

Sarah: Maybe they can have a Guest Character Convention.

Kate: YES PLEASE.

Sarah: Where they're all just awesome and drinking cocktails together.

Kate: I would throw money at all the people to be invited to that party.

Ann: Same. All four of my dollars.

Kate: And next episode we get the irrepressible Ian Fleming. Which. EXCITE.

Sarah: Well, we have a long journey from Sin City to the Third Reich, so perhaps we shall rest. Sleep tight, ladies. Don't let the uranium bite.

Kate: We shall. So we can properly get ourselves worked up all over again. Until next time.

Ann: Ciao!

[d-dumais-blog]

Mecha Anime is Nationalist and Japanese Propaganda

Today we’ll be diving into the writing of the Japanese constitution, the state of the Japanese military, and sweet sweet giant robots! That’s right, your favorite Gundam series is really all about the comparative strength of Japan as a global super power in a post World War II political climate.  I’m looking at you Mobile Fighter G Gundam!   The basis here starts with understanding that art rarely if ever exists in a vacuum.  There would be no punk rock movement without something to rebel against, and there is no mecha anime without Article Nine of the Japanese Constitution.

We’ll begin with an extremely simple look back on Japanese history, which I highly advise you supplement with additional reading.  During World War II Japan aimed to expand beyond its island borders in order to conquer more of the world.  Throughout this time they invaded into parts of Korea, South East Asia, and China.  Japan also attempted expansion eastward through the Pacific Ocean which ultimately lead to United States involvement in the conflict after an attack on Pearl Harbor.  This short lived conquest is an extremely fascinating point in Japan’s history that shaped a number of subcultures ; I’d like to circle back later to discuss some roots of Japanese racism here in regards to the Korean Hate Wave, but that’ll have to wait for another day because it’s fully deserving of its own post later.  The important thing here is that Japan lost the war, the previous government needed to be replaced, and the winning Western governments, in particular the United States, were going to help shape and create this new government.  In 1946 while under U.S. occupation the Japanese Constitution was written and ratified.  

Specifically we are discussing Article 9, more often referred to as the peace clause, so let’s read its text directly.  

(1) Aspiring sincerely to an international peace based on justice and order, the Japanese people forever renounce war as a sovereign right of the nation and the threat or use of force as means of settling international disputes. (2) In order to accomplish the aim of the preceding paragraph, land, sea, and air forces, as well as other war potential, will never be maintained. The right of belligerency of the state will not be recognized.

The attempt here was to completely neuter Japan’s ability to go to war; instead if Japan was ever under threat allied military forces such as the UN would step in and protect Japan. Under these laws the Japanese people would never from an armed forces, but that clearly didn’t last because the SDF is currently among the largest standing armies in the world.  In the 1950s the U.S. occupying forces were Japan’s only defense against foreign threat and they were largely being relocated to the Korean War.  The U.S. chose to trust the leaders of Japan (largely because the U.S. put those people in power) and the SDF was formed.  The biggest problem wasn’t the approval of western powers, but rather the Japanese people.  It’s important to remember here that Japan lost the war and lost hard.  Over two million soldiers died not including those that died due to atomic bombs, and Japan was accused of several war crimes. So now we have the perfect setting, Japan is technically barred from building traditional military forces, and the people lack a military force they can rally behind; enter giant robots.

Giant robot anime, more commonly referred to as mecha anime is awesome and I love it dearly! Great mecha designs, deep political intrigue, expansive universes, mecha has it all; especially Sunrise Studios responsible for the Gundam franchise and their masterpiece work Neon Genesis Evangelion.  I grew up on these shows, starting with a deep appreciation of giant robots fighting each other in gorgeous 2D animation till later initially sparking my interest in global politics leading to my studies in school.  There’s a long history of mecha anime with largely varying degrees of success.  There’s a mecha show for every situation and every fan, well every fan that can get down with giant robots and I sincerely hope you do.  Like high school anime? Check out Gundam Wing! Need Shakespeare in space? How about Gundam Seed? Really into pop idol music? How about Macross.  Need a totally generic harem with a  bland protagonist, you’d probably like IS Infinite Stratos (please don’t actually go watch this show it’s the only bad one I’m listing and I’m only listing it to show there’s a mecha show for everyone and everything).  Really into model kits, and if you’re really into mecha I KNOW you are, give Gundam Build Fighters Try a chance.  Even recently we’ve had some modern classics in the genre.  Curious what happens when sweet jazz meets amazing mecha design and control, Gundam Thudnerbolt was the best anime of 2016 and I highly recommend! The most recent main entry in the Gundam Franchise, Iron Blooded Orphans, is a great lengthy watch full of compelling characters and a plot that dives in on the effects war has on a child soldier.  My point in all this is one to recommend some great shows for you to potentially go watch, and tow to clarify that not all mecha anime is propaganda, though I’d argue that even if the focus of the show is on something completely unrelated like wish fulfillment fantasy, mecha anime at its core is about depicting a powerful and just Japan.

Mecha anime wears its political influences on its sleeves and it only takes the smallest amount of attention to realize some of the most obvious parallels. Let’s start with a very specific, very obvious example: Mobile Fighter G Gundam.  Mobile Fighter G Gundam is one of my favorites despite being campy, and let’s be clear it is EXTREMELY campy.  The show focuses on a tournament (TOURNAMENT ARC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) where all the new countries founded in Space such as Neo America and Neo China send giant robots down to earth to fight amongst each other for political dominance in the next election.  Yes the premise makes no sense, why would government elections be determined by fighting robots? I don’t know.  Is it cool? Fuck yeah it is! It’s freakin’ sweet!  Our protagonist in this show is clearly the hero of Japan, a cool katana wielding badass that saves kids and gets the girl.  The stereotypes in this show are comical, the American robot is a boxer from Brooklyn whose robot shoulder pads turn into giant robot boxing gloves, oh and his mech rides a flying jet skateboard from a football stadium to his fight that takes place in the streets of Manhattan, at which point our hero’s mech literally erupts from within the statue of liberty before defeating American hero Jiminy Crocket and teaching the pilot some important lessons about the importance of a fair fight.  Yeah, it’s honestly this obvious sometimes, like with Code Geass where Japan is the only nation capable of standing up against the Holy Britannia Empire after more than half the world has already fallen under their control.  Code Geass has the added benefit of inevitably being about mechs vs nukes where the bad guys, of course, use nukes (which are called fleija warheads and act slightly differently but for all intents and purposes they are just anime nukes that don’t leave radiation around.

A more subtle detail, well more subtle than Jiminy Crocket, is the fact that the good guys in mecha anime never use nuclear weapons.  It’s reasonable to assume they exist in most of these fictional futures because their technology is clearly far beyond our own and we developed nuclear weapons back in the 1940s.  This is because even the hawks of Japan, those in government hoping for stronger military, are strongly opposed to nuclear weapons because of the devastation caused to the country.  If even the most hardcore of military supporters are against nukes, it’s pretty apparent that the public that is generally against all war would also be strongly opposed to nuclear weapons.  The good guys are often drawn with shades of grey, and they are shown to be powerful and destructive, but the good guys (Japan) would absolutely never resort to something as inhuman as nuclear weapons.  

 I hope this helps you have a bit better understanding of the climate within which mecha anime was born, and I hope you have a deeper appreciation for the genre because of it! Just because something is nationalist in it snature doesn’t make it bad, it’s just an important thing to know about. Also next tiem someone tells you that GATE was propaganda remind them that show is garbage and anime has been Japanese propaganda for years, GATE just rips off other works as it does with its entirely generic characters and cliché fantasy world! Suck it GATE fans

[wanna-see-my-lease]

The Incident

Marvel Masterlist

Summary:  Not just the Avengers fought this battle, so did others.

Pairing: Jack Harkness x Reader, Tenth Doctor x Reader (Platonic), Avengers x Reader (Platonic)

Warnings: Language

Request:  nope, sorry but still working on them though :)

A/N:  I have no idea where this came from, I mean it's a bit different than I normally would write. Mainly I think I wrote it as it was similar to a dream I had the other night.(Plus I know the gif is from Age of Ultron but still)

♥♥

You were catching your breath as the Quinjet came to an abrupt hard landing. Quickly you unfastened your seatbelt the same time that Clint and Natasha did, as Steve opened the ramp. You and the super soldier ran down the ramp followed by Clint and Natasha. The four of you arrived in the middle of a four-way street it was controlled chaos, as people were running and screaming. Your mind raced, as it seemed the whole of midtown Manhattan came to a lurch, when a deep - primal rage roar bellowed out throughout the city as a shadow came over the four of you.

With another roar, the shadow flew over you and your teammates. From what came out of the portal, was a Chitauri Leviathan, carrying hundreds of Chitauri solider. As you watched the Chitauri Leviathan passed over, as from both sides the Chitauri Soldiers cling off and attached themselves to the sides of the city's buildings, sliding down. Some crashed through the windows and began firing their energy rifles at innocent people.

"Stark," Steve called through the comm. "Are you seeing this?"

"I'm seeing, still working on believing." You heard the billionaire's voice in the comm. "Where's Banner? Has he shown up yet?"

"Banner?" You asked as you were watching the Chitauri and looking in around in hopes that it just wasn't you and the rest of the new found Avengers fighting these aliens.

"Just keep me posted." Tony stated as he was quietly flying behind and parallel with a Chitauri Leviathan. "JARVIS, find me a soft spot."

As you were running with the group on the streets, it was raining fire from the Chitauri, almost in a chain reaction of explosions, smashing cars and people running. You took shelter with the three of them behind upturned cars, as you and Steve looked down that the street below.

"Those people are sitting ducks down there." Steve said catching his breath.

Shaking your head you spoke. "It's like shooting fish in a barrel."

"We got to do something," Steve said looking at you, his blue eyes meeting yours.

You took a breath, and pulled out your pistol. "I've got your, six."

As you said that a group of Chitauri soldiers landed near you and the group and started firing. The Black Widow stood up pulling both pistols and fired at them, "We got this, Cap. It's good. Go!"

Steve turned to Hawkeye. "Think you can hold them off?"

Clint gave a smirk. "Captain." He said as he pulled a trigger on his bow, and drawing the arrow. "It would be my genuine pleasure." And with that he shot the arrow into one of the alien's head, gaining a few seconds for the super solider as he jumped off the bridge to the street bellow.

As you ran towards the bus, to help get the civilians out something caught your eye. A blue police box. With that  you felt someone grab your hand pulling you in another direction. "Hey!" You said pulling yourself free, "Get to cover." You stated as you pulled your pistol shooting a Chitauri, and another one.

"Oi, isn't that what you should be doin' as well?" The accented voice was familiar, causing your head to spin looking at the person.

"Doctor?" You asked shocked.

"Y/N?" He asked as he pulled you into a hug.

A smile came to your face as he embraced you. "My Doctor!"

"My, Y/N!" He said finally pulling away.

"Uh, now is probably not the best time. We got an alien force trying to take over New York, here." Another familiar voice sounded.

"Jack!" You smiled, "What took you so bloody long?" You asked as you looked him up and down as you shot another Chitauri in the head that was about to attack, Clint, who was now helping the civilians out of the bus.

"Well, I had to get the Doctor now didn't I?" Jack asked as he shot a Chitauri.

"Gwen, Owen, Toshiko?" You asked as you walked closer to Jack, "Please tell me they are safe."

Jack gave you a soft smile as he watched the Doctor look around at the scene before him. "They're still in Cardiff. The incident is isolated here."

She took on a could of Chitauri as your other two teammates did the same thing. Catching your breath you looked around, "None of this is going to mean a damn thing if we don't close that portal. Doctor, please tell me you have an idea."

"Yeap!" He smiled, his typical sassy attitude, as he pointed to the Stark Tower, "We just need to get up there."

You nodded and looked at your best friend the Time Lord and at your other best friend, the Captain. "Follow me." You said grabbing their hands as you took off running.

"Y/L/N," Clint's voice rang through your comm, "What are you doin'?"

"Clint, I need you to cover us. We've got to get to the tower." You yelled back into the comm as the three of you fought your way through the Chitauri to the tower.

"Right." Clint's voice sounded as arrows started to fly your way into the on coming Chitauri.

Soon as three had gotten to the top of the tower, you ran over to Selvig who was totally unconscious lying next to the Tesseract, "He'll live." You said as you watched the Doctor scan the device with the sonic screwdriver as Jack went to the laptop. "Boys?"

"This is fascinating!" The Doctor started rambling as he looked over the Tesseract. "He's used the Iridium as a stabilizing agent so that the portal isn't collapsing in on itself, along with the quantum tunneling effect. This is bloody brilliant!"

"Since when were you a expert on Thermonuclear Astrophysics?" You asked frowning. "Wait, never mind. How do we shut it down?"

Jack was scanning the barrier around the Tesseract. "The barrier is pure energy, we need away to get past it."

"Okay, well I heard JARVIS on the comms earlier saying something along the lines that it's unbreachable." You added looking at the two. "And I know we don't have anything in Torchwood that is even close to this."

"Torchwood?" The Doctor asked.

"Later." You spoke as you looked up at the open portal. "We need to shut it down, or we're never going to win this. Jack, is there anything in that laptop that Selvig did that might be a built in safety to cut the power, anything?" You running over to the computer.

"I might have found something, but I'm not sure." Jack stated showing you a graph on the computer.

"Doctor, anything?" You asked sighing.

"We would need something with power, lots and lots of power." He said pacing as his mind raced.

"Loki's scepter worked a lot like a Hyrda weapon," You thought out loud raising your eyebrows. "I mean, it seemed to have a mind controlling aspect as well. Maybe that is the power we need."

Jack looked at you and back at the Doctor, "What else do we have to lose?"

"It might be able to close the portal." The Doctor smiled. "So let's give it a shot."

You looked over the ledge to where you had seen Loki and Thor fighting and saw the scepter. "And I'm looking right at it."

♥♥

You held Loki's scepter, aiming it at the portal. Jack stood behind you holding the scepter as well, as you weren't sure what to expect. The Doctor on the other hand was running circles around the force field with his Sonic Screwdriver taking readings. As you and Jack slowly broke into the force field, the scepter almost touching the Tesseract you spoke into your comm. "Can anybody hear me? I can shut the bloody portal down!"

"Do it!" You heard the tired voice of Steve in your comm.

"No wait!" Tony's voice sounded.

You shook your head. "Stark?"

"These things are still coming, and she can shut it down!" Steve countered.

"I got a nuke coming in," Tony explained, "It's gonna blow in less than a minute, and I know just where to put it."

Your eyes went wide as you looked over your shoulder at Jack and at the Doctor, "You two get out of here." You stated, "Back to the Tardis, and get the hell out of here. If Tony can't stop that nuke, this is going to be ground zero. I want you two safe."

Jack's grip around you tighten as he held on to the scepter. "I'm not leaving you."

"And neither am I." The Doctor chimed in. "We're in this together."

"You blokes are bloody idiots." You gave a soft smile. "No wonder I love the both of you."

And with that, you almost jumped with Tony had caught the missile as it sped towards the tower and he wrenched the rocket off it's course, steering it from behind, flying it straight up towards the portal.

"Stark." You spoke softly into the comm. "You know that's a one-way trip?"

"Save it, sweetheart." Tony's voice rang, "You still owe me a drink."

Suddenly the comms went quiet, and all the Chitauri soldiers and Leviathans keeled over, dropping like flies. Your eyes flew up looking at the open portal, "C'mon, c'mon!" You prayed, hoping that you would see Tony fly through the portal in all his Iron Man glory.

Seeing the supernova coming towards the opening in the portal, the Doctor looked at Jack and nodded. "Close it." He stated.

Cursing mentally, you and Jack pushed the scepter in further, so that the tip touched the Tesseract, causing it's energy beam to shut down and the portal started to quickly close at a steady pace. Looking up at the portal that's when you noticed a small figure plummeting towards the ground. "He made it!" You smiled as you pulled Jack into a hug and then the Doctor. "We did it!"

"Sweetheart," Jack spoke as he looked up at Iron Man, "He's not slowing down."

That's when you noticed the Hulk snagging Tony out of the air, the two of them crashing and sliding down one of the nearby buildings and smashing into the ground. The three of you stood on top of the building watching the scene before you, as Thor ripped Tony's helmet off.

"Is he?" You asked through the comm waiting an answer, as you glanced from side to side, first at Jack who had his arm around you and then to the Doctor.

Within a beat of you asking the sound of the Hulk roaring filled the silent streets below.

"What the hell?" Tony's voice filled the comm as he spoke to Thor and Steve. "What just happened? Please tell me nobody just kissed me."

A smile came to your lips. "He lives and we won!" You cheered as Jack pulled you into a kiss.

Tag List: @fandomly-writings

Have your own Marvel request? Shoot me an ask!

[charlesjening]

UPDATED: What In the Hell Is Happening to CCH?

Get excited, Tax Twitter, you’re about to get your moment in the sun. Granted it’s a moment of total panic, but still, a moment.

So, if you haven’t heard, CCH has been borked since yesterday. When we say borked, we don’t mean “some users are having access problems,” rather the entire thing has been nuked to hell. Like POOF.

Artist’s rendering of CCH services rn, and by artist I mean me, and by rendering I mean a screenie I took in Fallout 76 after dropping a nuke

It appears this was a prophylactic measure by Wolters Kluwer, though why they would feel compelled to take down the whole enchilada is speculation we’ll save for a minute.

Need CCH support? Yeah, good luck with that.

Late last night, Wolters Kluwer made a statement on Facebook that, as expected, was greeted with a cacophony of criticism and littered with angry emojis.

On May 6, 2019, Wolters Kluwer experienced network and service interruptions affecting certain Wolters Kluwer platforms and applications. Out of an abundance of caution, we proactively took offline a number of other applications as we continue to investigate any impact. This prevented us from having adequate time to provide you advance notice, and for that we sincerely apologize.

We are working diligently around the clock to restore service as soon as possible.

We apologize to our customers for the inconvenience and appreciate your patience. We will provide further updates as they become available.

Obviously we’re not going to be able to get someone from CCH on the phone to ask what’s up, so as is tradition around here, we will instead fuel the rumor mill and speculate wildly as to what could be so bad CCH had to go bye-bye to hide from it.

Let’s start in /r/sysadmin. The popular theory is obviously some type of breach (“hackers” for you olds) or virus. Friendly reminder, people on Reddit are often full of shit so take this with a giant grain of salt.

I have a buddy who works there who said the Canada Office shutdown due to a potential virus outbreak, the other locations shut down as a precautionary.

EDIT: I learned that it may have made it out to some of the other locations before they got most end users to shutdown their systems. I saw another comment here saying they thought it was Megacortex, which would likely mean someone with Domain Admin rights had their credentials ripped off/stolen. I expect the next few days to be quite interesting, as this is no small company.

Someone who probably should have kept his mouth shut and stopped powerleveling on Reddit chimed in in a now-deleted post confirming the cooties in the system.

Sounds similar to what my wife said (she’s an employee). She they found the malware/ransonware in several locations across their network including the New York, New Jersey, Canada and Minnesota office. I know they use Dell for a lot of the cloud based systems.

Here’s another powerleveling blabbermouth who must have rethought doxing himself in the middle of a security breach as he later deleted his comments:

I’m a system engineer with WK. The issue is quite large and is not just affecting CCH Axcess, but rather all customer facing products across the health, Tax & Accounting, Governance, Risk & Compliance, and Legal & Regulatory. My office was not affected directly but was told to turn off our backup software and turn off all domain controllers effectively ending our work day.

He went on to “confirm” the attack is of the MegaCortex ransomware variety, which everyone has been assuming anyway. Again, this is all rumor so no one knows at this point, nor should one expect Wolters Kluwer to come out and say they were hit by ransomware while the attack is still in progress. If, of course, that’s what’s happening.

It seems a lot of people are twiddling their precious little thumbs waiting for CCH to come back.

We’ll update when we know more, and in the meantime … I dunno, not really much that can be done.

Update: Today May 8. 2019 Wolters Kluwer issued a statement admitting yeah, it was malware. Many services are still down as of this update however they are working toward getting them back online. The entirety of the statement can be found below:

On Monday, May 6, we started seeing technical anomalies in a number of our platforms and applications. We immediately started investigating and discovered the installation of malware. As a precaution, in parallel, we decided to take a broader range of platforms and applications offline. With this action, we aimed to quickly limit the impact this malware could have had, giving us the opportunity to investigate the issue with assistance from third-party forensics consultants and work on a solution. Unfortunately, this impacted our communication channels and limited our ability to share updates.

On May 7, we were able to restore service to a number of applications and platforms.

We regret any inconvenience and that we were unable to share more information initially, as our focus was on investigation and restoring services as quickly as possible for our customers.

We have seen no evidence that customer data was taken or that there was a breach of confidentiality of that data. Also, there is no reason to believe that our customers have been infected through our platforms and applications. Our investigation is ongoing. We want to apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.

Update May 8, 17.00 CEST – For our customers in North America: As we continue to bring our support centers back online, please use this temporary number 800-930-1753 to contact us. While we may not be able to directly answer your question, we will forward your inquiry internally to the appropriate party.

The post UPDATED: What In the Hell Is Happening to CCH? appeared first on Going Concern.

republished from Going Concern