#someone feel free to rewrite this an phrase it better

[2383-lines-of-code]

oceangate symbolism bc insomnia is a bitch (this is what I get for taking a nap yesterday ig):

the game controller was my main focus with the previous post: billionaires literally play with the lives of others as if they are playing video games. They can easily control/manipulate ppl, as one does with a game controller, but they also see their own lives as games. They saw no real risk with the sub bc they weren’t taking it seriously, it was all just fun and play to them. for example in genshin (bc it’s literally the only game I play) you can get into bad situations, but you never rly die. Even when all your characters die, you as the player, still exist in the game, all you have to do is go to a statue, patch up ur characters, and you’re free to do dumb shit again without any personal loss except for a bit of time. this is how billionaires view the world. Just replace characters with employees and healing statues with hiring new ppl, and it costs them nothing but a bit of time.

the renaming of the ship was also interesting. Originally it was called the cyclops II and although that was probably due to the single window, it has some interesting symbolism. in mythology cyclopes are considered unsightly/monstrous (much like the sub) but holding almost godlike powers. The passengers as we know were billionaires who often do horrible “monstrous” things and have an unfortunately enormous amount of power. Also Cyclopes are often either the source of, or closely linked to irony and hubris in a couple sources (mainly those inspired by The Odyssey) and in this situation ironically enough, cyclopes are known to be incredible craftsmen. Plus Cyclopes having one eye/poorer sight can symbolize the lack of foresight in the oceangate sub project.

The name shift to the Titan (ic) although more ironic parallel than symbolism, still gets a spot here. In specifically Greek mythology, the titans were the originals, those who were powerful and roamed the land until the gods took over. The sub, similar to the gods, wanted to to go down in history as being better than the original (coming back after viewing the wreckage and possibly becoming a rich ppl tourist thing) But their hubris, just like the Greek titan’s was their downfall. Both Titans believed their designs and power to be absolute when in reality both had them taken in the blink of an eye. Also Zeus cut the titan’s king Cronus into hundreds of tiny pieces, mirroring how the sub imploded, breaking into many tiny pieces. And looping back to the beginning the controller being one of the few things that remained intact symbolizes how, despite tragedies happening, the top 1% will throw away lives as long an their control and their games remain intact.

Entering theory land

so this isn’t rly symbolism but is interesting nonetheless (to me at least)

This whole thing is rly similar to the sirens calling for the crew in the odyssey (I had to write a long ass paper on that thing in hs so I will reference it every chance I get) Most of the men on the ship plugged their ears and turned away, ignoring the allure of hearing their song, much like how the general population didn’t rly care abt the sub. But the sirens, or the exclusivity of viewing the titanic, dragged those who got too close to their death. The billionaires are similar to Odysseus himself here where they knew “listening to the song” was bad/would kill them, but they were like “how bad could it actually be?” and left their ears opened. In the odyssey Odysseus gets warned by his crew, and with the sub, the general population was like “are you stupid? That’s a death trap.” However Odysseus was saved meanwhile the sub obviously… wasn’t

@the-gayest-sky-kid

[aihoshiino]

@foundouthatdabiistouyatodoroki

Making this its own post since I rambled a bit more than expected! For those wanting to see context, this was a reply to this ask.

That said: I don't think this is the case, actually! I did briefly wonder if that's what might have happened since Mangaplus has had previous issues with wonky translations and mixing up subjects in sentences like that, so I went to look at the original line in Japanese.

「虐待の末 子供から 見限られた 母親が居るだけ」

This phrasing does seem to place the child (子供) as the one acting upon the mother (母親), especially with the phrase it uses for abandonment and the grammatical structure. Maybe this is a case of my Japanese not being good enough to spot it, but I don't think you could reverse the subjects in this sentence by mistake - you basically have to completely rewrite it (maybe to something like 「虐待の末に子供を捨てた母親」?) to get that meaning.

I do think seeing this line in Japanese did clear some things up for me, though! While this is a translation issue, it's not a mistake: rather, I think they phrased it poorly and unintentionally put an idea into Akane's mouth that she wasn't actually voicing.

見限られた, the phrase that's used by Akane here can be used to refer to abandonment but I think the other readings of it are more poignant and better match what was intended here: it can also be used to describe someone giving up and leaving something behind. This keys in much closer to the way Ai is described as letting go of her mother in the 15YL script, that she was able to free herself from her mother by recognising the lack of love there.

With that in mind, I think what Akane's line here should have been is:

"She's just a mother whose child gave up on her after years of abuse."

Maybe it comes off as just a small phrasing nitpick but it was my only real issue with the chapter and having been able to itch my brain about it does feel good LOL

[mikauhso]

Small fandom rant, feel free not to read.

I don’t really care what an artist has done as a person, unless they’re like literally hitler or someone who you’d punch in public for their crimes, I find it a bit sad and annoying how so many artists online are willing to tear down someone else’s art to say “I did it better.” It’s one thing to give constructive crit in good faith, and it’s another to make an OC-ified version of canon out of your love for something, but creating something out of spite will almost always ring hollow for me. I see so much good art duct taped to posts about how “here I fixed it” or “lol you can’t draw” and I think back to the time when I learned the phrase, “you’ll attract more flies with honey than vinegar.” It disheartens me to see artists and people I’d know to be kind and constructive not extend the same kind of care hey show irl to someone online based on their parasocial relation to them. It’s such a low-stakes game and people will act like a mid show having characters they enjoy is the end of the world, and in doing so will take personal snipes and make insults at the art instead of addressing the actual problem head on, because it’s easier to derail and funnel attention and love towards yourself instead of ask that others improve. I love redesigns born of love. I love rewrites that try to see an artist’s vision, but at a certain point I wonder if people even like what they’re making art about or if they’re slapping something recognizable over top of it in order to ride trends.

The internet normalizes clout chasing to the point where I feel like we do it almost instinctively. That little insult or sly comment at the end of a post, that’ll sway people to your side. Saying why you don’t like some person despite not knowing them. It’s valid to have your opinions but I wish people would act like they would in the real world. You wouldn’t go around and scream at someone who you saw post this one thing one time. You wouldn’t punch someone based on a rumor, or verbally berate them in a restaurant. Yet people post so much shit online and it’s so normalized that we don’t even register it as a sign to log off anymore.

I feel like social media is something incredibly important for communication, but it’s currently designed in a way that centers ourselves and how much dopamine we can get, whether it’s at the expense of others, ourselves, etc. And we’re part of the problem too, we refuse to change and recognize that maybe internet points aren’t worth it and maybe it shouldn’t matter what people think of us. And maybe it’s an opinion I have but I shouldn’t judge someone based on what fraction they put out on the internet of themselves. Maybe I should cook myself a snack or go out for a walk or sit on the balcony or in the yard, talk to a friend face to face. Again, I love what the internet has done for accessibility but every accessible thing is locked behind a service designed to ignore vitriol and anger towards one another.

I guess I fall prey to this too, but I’ve seen this pattern happen again and again and again. There are people behind everything that’s made, and unless it’s ai or something stolen, an artist put their time and heart into it. It’s part of the game to have tough skin but I wish it didn’t have to be a necessity because of spiteful people.

I guess I should add an addendum, this is about a pattern I’ve seen in many a fandom. This isn’t about the morality of a show’s crew or whatever, that’s a conversation for another day that I’m not getting involved in because the personal lives of others are no business of mine. Hah, there I go again. But in all seriousness. I’ve seen it in Hazbin Hotel. I’ve seen it with High Guardian Spice. Velma. Steven universe. The owl house. Any new show I’ve seen come out where someone decides to have a moment and say “I will create out of spite and a need to be seen.” I wish artists didn’t feel the need to ride trends and that we’d value each others’ work as much as something put out by Disney. But that too, is a post for another day.

[loquaciousquark]

this is a jade love post

Y'all, I have to take a second here and extol the praises of @jadesabre301 as an editor. Not only is she flawless at the straightforward grammar checks and spelling and the base level objective editing, she has a true gift for high level structural analysis. That's some of the hardest stuff in editing, I can say from experience, but she's consistently excellent at it all the same. She can sit down and look at the raw bones of a scene and how it's built and identify the places where it's weak, and then she can step back and look at that scene as it fits into the overall narrative and do exactly the same thing on the entire work's macro scale.

That would be plenty. Like, in a free hobby that we do out of nothing but love of the characters and love of sharing, that would be more than enough. But one of the things she can do even on top of that is to... I don't know quite how to say it. She can hear the music of a text. She can pick out words that technically are correct but don't carry quite the needed nuance for an image or a feeling or a thought. She can look at a clumsy idea, see what you meant to say, and reword it in a line more cogently and precisely than the entire paragraph you used trying to get there. I know she'll read this and say, as she has for years, that she has no visual imagery ability, and that may be true, but the shape and form she gives to my clumsy clay drafts is the difference between a kid's first ashtray for their non-smoking parents and one of those elegant turned vases in a home and garden magazine.

It's not just rewriting, it's guidance and direction when I'm lost. Even if the direction is just, "this isn't right," she can always pick out what is not right about it, whether it's a word choice or a particular image or the base conceit of an idea, which is enough to lead me the right way when I'm waist-high in mud and completely blind.

I'm saying all this because I got her notes back on the revisions for the princess AU fic last night, and as always, she has taken something nice and made it right instead. She figured out the themes before I did and made them strong; she found the weakest places and showed me how to shore them up; and in one of the most rewarding things to me every time we do something like this, she just gets so darn excited in her notes. There's cheerleading and screams and gasps and "how are there tears in my eyes at this??" There's capslock and frank rejections of dumb phrasing and that crying ASCII face where the mouth is an underscore, except there are 25 underscores in a row. She feels so strongly when things go right and things go wrong for the characters and she shares that excitement every single time and in my opinion, it's truly one of the kindest things an editor can do.

Man. I'm just so stinking lucky, you know? She's so good at what she does and everyone should know it. Lord knows she makes me a better writer, both by example and by force, and it's one of the greatest gifts this hobby ever gave me. I hope everyone has someone on their side to do the same. ❤️

[transfemlogan]

Think I could ask what you think of Logan’s character and where you think his character arc will go (or at least, where you’d like to see it go in the series)? Honestly I’m just interested in hearing you talk about him

I found this rlly far down my drafts. Somehow. Idk how it got there. But at least I don't have to rewrite the entire beginning 🧡

NOTE: I have Aphasia. It's a language disorder that affects my ability to understand and use language and it affects me both within writing and speaking. This is going to be a little incomprehensible and all over the place, but be nicies to me and feel free to ask for clarification.

This is more of a ramble, than a nice and neat analysis.

Everyone is allowed to add on :3c

ALSO SORRY TO ANYONE TAGGED</3 You're most likely tagged because I was quoting/linking a post by you.

OK. LET'S TALK ABT LOGAN (FT MY BAD SCREENSHOTS):

[ID: a screenshot of Logan Sanders from the Sanders Sides episode "My True Identity!" He is smiling at the camera and making finger guns. /end ID]

This might be incomprehensible I love logan sanders. So much. Its so hard to put into words i jsut love him OK. He is perfect in every day & also a little nerd. & Beautiful. & handsome. & my babygirl.

I feel like a lot of fans treat him as if he is... like any other glasses wearing character in fiction. Byakuya Togami is the first to pop into my mind, same with Kusuo Saiki from The Disasterous Life of Saiki K, Freddy Riley from Identity V, Charles Offdensen from Metalocalypse, Kyoya Ootori from Ouran Highschool Hostclub, ETC. THERE'S A LOT OF GLASSES GUYS. (Note: these characters do not completely fit each other, but you get the point.)

The trope of "smart, unemotionless, rude/blunt character wears glasses" is something fans will shove Logan into, but the thing is Logan's character takes this trope and completely snaps it in half and throws it in the trash.

Logan is smart. He is blunt and can be the biggest asshole at times. He is """unemotional""" (stated by him).

[ID: a screenshot of Logan Sanders from the Sanders Sides episode "Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts". The captions reas, "Everything is okay." /end ID]

But he's also compassionate. He is hopeful. He cares so much for the people around him and he holds so much love in his heart.

This post (link) by @intrulogical probably phrases it way better than I ever could + this post (link) by @nesushii

I think that's what makes Logan such a compelling character. He's not someone who needs to "learn how to feel" (which is an idea in fiction I dislike) (it can become a little ableist), he is someone who does feel and know he feels and feels so much all the time, but he can't express it well due to both the environment around him and how he shows his emotions.

A lot of Logan's asshole actions, I think, are less him actively trying to be rude and more him just struggling really bad.

In Moving On, he is "rude" but it's because he realises his actions were Wrong and he's trying to Fix It. He recognises Virgil's panic attack, how this room is affecting Thomas, and realises that he should have listened to Patton. But because of the affects of Patton's room and Logan's tone and phrasing, he comes off as Mean. He becomes defensive as everyone blows him off and it affects how he's trying to help everyone.

In LNTAO, Logan is confused about the entire situation. He doesn't understand why singing or puppets would help Thomas and, as Logic, it is terrifying to not Know when it's his entire job to know. His confusion turns into defensiveness, and because he already struggles to express his emotions in a way that the other sides like/understand, his confusion (& defensiveness) comes off as anger and purposeful ignorance. Which is why the sides and Thomas treat him the way they do— they're assuming he doesn't want to know. Which is entirely untrue!

I know I've talked so much already about how Logan is unintentionally autistic coded (I'm even writing an entire essay about it), but like... HE IS SO AUTISTIC CODED!!

This character that struggles with expressing himself. Who lives in an environment where he feels like he has to exist a certain way, or else he won't be accepted. Who doesn't understand tone or sarcasm or the "big picture". Who struggles with other people viewing him as some sort of unemotionless ""monster"", bexause they don't understand him. Who wants to be heard and understood.

In DWIT, he feels like he's finally doing something right. That he's on the right path. And then it immediately get snatched away in POF and then again in WTIT. And that's such an inherently autistic experience. You feel like you're masking right, you're fitting in, people are accepting and loving you— only to act "too autistic" and the false comfort you wanted is snatched away (a little more complex and nuanced than that, but you know).

He is... So Autistic and it HURTS. (He could also be viewed as neurodivergent in general— I can relate to him outside of autism, with my schizophrenia and speech impediment.)

I also relate to him heavily as a child abuse victim. I've brought it up a few times, but I haven't been able to express entirely what I mean by calling him "child abuse coded" (WHICH IS A PHRASE I KEEP GIGGLING AT).

Logan's entire situation with anger feels so... similar to my own anger issues and trauma. The way he will get so angry and explode only to calm down and realise his actions.

[ID: two screenshots of Logan Sanders from the Sanders Sides episode "Working Through Intrusive Thoughts". In image one, he is pointing at someone out of frame and looking down at the floor with a confused expression. In image two, he has a hand on his tie and looks upset. /end ID]

Hurting those around you because you're hurting is something I feel like most, if not all, abuse victims struggle with. And especially with child abuse victims, I personally always feel on edge. Like I have to defend my actions 24/7 and I need to express myself perfectly or else no one will understand and I will "get in trouble" and "punished".

It reminds me so much of Logan. After he gets angry and explodes (partially due to the Orange Side, based on how the series is being shown), he immediately is confused and shameful and scared.

Logan is scared and ashamed of his own actions and is trying so hard to fix himself and not be that, not be an angry aggressive person. But it's not as simple and apologising and moving on and it's definitely much harder when those around you will not let you / don't understand fully.

ANYWAY Logan's character means so much to me as an autistic, abused guy. //slaps Logan// this guy can hold SO much trauma!

This post (link) by @orbmanson7 I think puts some of my thoughts into better words about Logan's anger and boundaries and everything (which also helps us segway into talking about his arc)

The thing with Logan's arc is that it's a little more complex than just "Logan wants to be listened to". All of the sides want to be listened to, that's the entire point of them. They all want to help Thomas.

It's not only that Logan wants to be listened to and isn't, it's also that Logan is actively listening to critiques and trying to fix and change. He is hearing and seeing that something he is doing is not helpful and is upsetting people. He wants to fix it and change and improve. But no matter what he does, nothing seems to "fix the issue"— Thomas still will not listen to him.

Logan has to unlearn this idea that he needs to constantly be improving himself, that he has to act a certain way, in order for someone to listen and understand him (AGAIN. WHY I RELATE TO HIM AS A ABUSE VICTIM). AND, the sides need to be actively changing how they are treating him. Because him unlearning this won't immediately fix the issue if the sides aren't working too.

The situation can't be fixed with a simple promise of "we will listen to you, Logan", because they've been doing that the entire series.

[ID: a screenshot of Logan Sanders from the Sanders Sides episode "Working Through Intrusive Thoughts". He is holding a notebook near his chest and looks dejected. The captions read, "Another day, Logan, I promise." /end ID]

ALSO, this doesn't fall completely on the other sides. Logan still needs to work on letting himself express things and learning how to cope with his strong, intense emotions like his anger. He's lashing out at the other sides and that's not okay. He can't hurt the people he cares about because he's angry and upset (see the ending of POF before Janus reveals his name).

Which... is one of the reasons I really do not want his anger to be "caused by" the orange side. I want this to be something he is experiencing and going through, because if it's "oooh a dark side is controlling him!!" then it won't be a "Logan issue", it'll be a "dark side issue". Which is not what he OR the viewers need.

Logan needs to overcome and cope with his issues without someone inserting themselves into his arc. The more people are thrown into the mix, the more the attention is drawn away from Logan, and I think his arc is something that desperately needs to be told and focused on.

And NO . I am not a fan of "Logan is the Orange Side" theories. There's a million reasons why that's not true if you actually watch and pay attention to the series (it's a very fun AU, but falls apart in context of the actual series). (Plus I don't want him to stop being indigo.......)

I also don't want Logan's arc to end up with him "turning into a dark side" for a MULTITUDE of reasons:

The "dark sides" aren't like... an actual, genuine thing...? It's not something you can ""become"", it's something you are forced into. It is a term created by Roman to describe sides that Thomas views as inherently bad or evil. The only way for Logan to ""become"" a "dark side" is if someone, in an episode, verbally, called Logan a "dark side".

Obviously, Logan can be treated like a "dark" side. In fact, how he is being treated in the series is very similar to how Virgil was treated in seasonn 1 or how Janus is being treated, ETC. BUT I don't want him to be called a "dark side", because I feel like that brings up an entirely new conflict? Now it's not focused on them ignoring Logan, it's focused on "Logic is evil?" "Thomas views Logic as bad?".

I'm struggling really hard to explain, but I feel like it just layers the conflict and I don't want that. I don't want Logan's arc to include the dark sides in any way. I want it to be focused on him.

(HOWEVER, I don't mind the connection between Logan and the dark sides through their similarities and finding comfort each other because of it. In fact, I love it. But I am not sure how to elaborate on that and how I want their relationships to be, so I skipped over it. If someone asks later, I can try to put it in words. In short, less of the "dark sides" affecting Logan, more Logan affecting the "dark sides"? I don't know if that makes sense.)

Also, I don't trust real-life Thomas to write it well! While he is very good at writing conflict, he sucks at resolving conflict (see: Virgil's reveal as a dark side at the end of DWIT and how it's handled in ATHD). Logan becoming a "dark side" already adds more to his already conflict-filled arc, I don't want to then see it be swept under the rug or handled really badly. Logan deserves a good arc. Don't bite off more than you can chew, or whatever, leave his arc alone. Stop it. Please.

I think that's all I wanted to say?

In short: Logan is full of hope and love and compassion and is so, so autistic coded and has so much trauma. I think his arc is more complex than "not being listened to" and he has to unlearn a lot. I don't want his arc to involve the orange side/him being the orange side, or any of the dark sides, because that brings the attention away from him.

[galaxythreads]

Hello. Ahhh this may be an odd ask so apologies for that. And apologies for the gazillion spelling errors throughout.

 But i wanted to tell u that u r probaly one of my favorite fic writers. Esp within the marvel fandom. Ive reread your fics more times than i can count and greatly enjoy your writing style. So with that in mind please know im trying to say this kindly. 

You are my favorite fic writer . But Im also physically disabled. Your works frequently vist topics of disablity- physical and mental. And even more frequently do u use the word cripple in each work. 

Cripple is a slur agaisnt physically disabled people. It always has been. I understand that its a word that has become very normalized and so phrases like “crippling anxiety” or “crippling debt” or other variations are incredibly common. But its still a slur. And if you are not physically disabled you shouldnt be using this word to describe anyone, but especailay physically disabled charcters. 

One line that i think about quite frequently is in stygain where a charcter remarks that “this disablity had crippled the asgardian” and that is far from the only time something simillar is thought or said about loki, who is blind and physically disabled in this work. 

Frankly Its hard for me to overstate how frequently cripple pops up in your other works too. 

 I understand that this probaly comes from somewhere of ignorarance or just not knowing. But its frustrating to watch such a skilled authour constantly use words that cause serious fucking harm to me and my community. Its very isolating.

i also know that you are (or were) in the process of rewriting stygan. A work prominantly featuring a disabled charcter. And i am asking you to please consider us and the words you chose as you write. 

Again im sorry for the typos or if this is not as perfectly clear as u and i would like it to be. I recomend that you look around more on tumblr or elsewhere for disabled perspectives on this.

Heres one from a disabled authour:

https://cy-cyborg.tumblr.com/post/726304244629749760/cripple-is-a-slur/amp

Thank you for your time, and thank you for your works. I hope you have a good day or night.

Thank you for bringing this to my attention. No, I was not aware that it was a slur. It was my understanding that it was a reclaimed slur, or that most people used the first definition of the word rather than the second, but I can definitely see why it would be extremely frustrating to see that repeated everywhere.

I imagine this is a bit like me and suicide jokes. I can't stand them. They feel insensitive to me, as someone who has attempted, to the point that I have to leave the room/chat when someone makes a joke about it. I'm working on emotional regulation for this - because it is impossible to escape haha - but I can see where you're coming from. Like the squishy Bad feeling. And I don't want to give anyone the squishy bad feeling. I feel really sad that I did.

Any use of cripple has been removed from all of my works - i've double-checked everything, but if you see any more feel free to point it out - and I will be more careful with my word choice in the future.

If you are referring specifically to the blodig skog - which is, haha, filled with internalized ableism - me and another disabled anon have had a long discussion about that work and we came to an understanding about the content in it. I'll give that to you as well, and maybe I'll leave a note at the beginning of the fic, because I know that one goes really, really hard on internalized ableism, which is a very sensitive subject for so many people.

I don't know if you're aware of this, but my left leg is. Not right. I caused some severe damage to it over the course of my eating disorder - damage which has slowly been getting better - but at the time I wrote it, I could barely walk, the pain was debilitating at times, and i was extremely miserable. That work is me Projecting Very Hard Onto Thor, which is why it's like that. As that was a deeply personal experience to me that I was sharing the feelings of, I'm reluctant to change the content inside of it, but I did change the language so everyone can be more comfortable.

Again, thanks for bringing this to my attention, I am sincerely sorry that my ignorance caused distress, pain, or whatever word we want to put here. I take full responsibility for this. I should have double-checked that my understanding was correct, but I do know now, and I promise I will be more careful because i want everyone to feel safe and respected when they read my work. It was never my intention to harm, but that doesn't mean I didn't.

Thank you for the resource, I'll make sure to look at that.

All the best! <3<3<3

-Galaxy

[maryellencarter]

Memed from this post!

1: Do you prefer writing oneshots or multi-chaptered fics? -- So funny story, almost everything I write alone is a short oneshot, but I'm the one who talked Leia into breaking up our longfics into actual chapters. She used to just drop a 20k fic in a lump and bail. Then she agreed to try chapters for one fic (it was Dutybound) and suddenly discovered that having the fic broken up that way really helps her focus during edits. So we did a bunch of rewrites ahead of our already-announced posting schedule, which I would not enjoy doing again, but it made a much better story, and now I break up our draft into chapters at the beginning of editing.

2: Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go? -- We start with a rough concept and then write the story, usually front to back. Then we break it into chapters and revise them. No outlining. Occasionally we'll have a scene or plot trajectory we're aiming towards, especially for our longer fics.

3: Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/story. -- I think I just did. We pretty much always write in RP style, with one of us doing a little bit of setup in a Gdoc and then just tagging back and forth, discussing in Discord DMs what we want to have happen if we're not sure we're on the same page. I'll do any light fixes for typos, grammar, and POV as we go, but by and large, our first draft is written straight through clean, like how Steven King describes his process. When we're really rolling on an idea, we can get a relatively solid 50k first draft in two or three months.

4: Where do you find inspiration for new ideas? -- Everywhere! New dubs or new canon drops have been a big one. Sometimes we'll come up with a sequel to one of our own pieces. Chatting with other writers and other fans about the canon is a big one. (Not in the way some commenters in megafandoms do where they drop a comment out of nowhere like "You need to write me exactly this very long detailed plot for free". More like when you're in a group chat talking about, say, ways of shipping nonhumanoid but sapient entities and then your friend surprises you with a TARDIS/Millennium Falcon flashfic. Sometimes those ideas just grab you and don't let go till you write them.)

5: Do you like constructive criticism? -- I am *very strongly* against the thing where people pop up in your comments to give unsolicited criticism, which is the usual context where I hear the phrase "constructive criticism". If I need a beta reader, I will find myself a damn beta reader. The only thing unsolicited negative comments do is make people stop writing. And let the commenter feel smug and virtuous about being a bully, I guess, which does not add to the net good of the universe.

(I, personally, at this point in my writing career, am not unconfident enough to stop writing because some idiot didn't get what I was saying -- which is how at least 99% of all unsolicited "constructive criticism" comments come across. Like the time I wrote a Yuletide sympathetic to a ditzy female character and some rando produced an absolutely massive essay on how actually female ditziness is irredeemable. I'm sure that person thought they were being "constructive" by telling me my whole fic wasn't worth writing. Luckily, the actual recipient loved it.)

A lot of other authors are a lot thinner-skinned or less confident in their writing than I am, and might actually stop if hit with "constructive criticism". Destroying someone else's creativity is an objectively evil act. Don't do it.

[howwelldoyouknowyourmoon]

Ex-Moonie Says Cults Make “1984” a Reality

The following letter of March 1 to the Cult Observer is from Paul Engel, National oordinator of the Former Cultists Support Network (FOCUS).

The world George Orwell depicted in “1984” is not imaginary. It is a present reality. And many people, not only those who have been prisoners of war or subjects of Soviet or Chinese communism, have experienced it. It exists in thousands of contemporary cults. I know, because I myself was a victim of cult mind manipulation.

My manipulator was the “Moonies.” They did not torture me, nor did they employ all-seeing 1984 ‘telescreens.’ Nonetheless, they achieved control over me, more subtle than Big Brother’s control over Winston Smith, and stripped me of the ability to use my critical faculties, to establish emotional ties, and to communicate independently.

Communication control in their isolated camp environment was the key. They ‘loaded the language’ (to use Robert Lifton’s phrase), to develop in me a kind of 1984 ‘Newspeak.’ This was full of new meanings for old words and concepts, and restricted in range. For example, they purged the word ‘free’ of intellectual or political meaning: it signified only a lack of physical attachment; it no longer implied choice, only the ability to do ‘God’s will.’

Similarly, in the Unification Church and 1984, opposites replace one another. In 1984 the Ministry of Truth fabricates history, the Ministry of Peace maintains constant war, and the Ministry of Love is a place of torture. For Rev. Moon’s followers, the chant “Bomb with Love” and the practice of “Heavenly Deception” effectively combine contradictory terms and impulses. And all of this loading of the language contributes to the ability to rewrite history: Orwell’s Winston Smith himself constantly revises records just as cults pervert scriptures, change certain facts, and give new meanings or justifications for failed prophecies.

‘Newspeak’ also diminishes the range of thought. And without an appreciation for concepts like freedom, relativity, and individuality and family, the quality of interpersonal relationships alters. Soon, the individual automatically suppresses or corrects ‘wrong’ thoughts and feelings (‘crimestop’ for the inhabitants of 1984 and ‘fighting Satan’ among the Moonies).

Just in case internal controls don’t work, the group keeps close watch. In 1984, people are constantly scrutinized for such ‘facecrimes’ as inappropriate emotions toward others, or distaste for the ‘Party.’ And the same goes for cults. I had to smile constantly to avoid seeming to show unhappiness or discontent, which would be punished.

Confession is a typical corrective to bad thoughts in totalistic environments, and especially in cults. It diminishes individuality and fosters groups identity. The worse you make your pre-cult life look, the better example of positive change you become. For instance, a person who smoked marijuana only once says he’s a drug addict, and someone who had sexual relations becomes a whore or an abuser of women.  

But confession only temporarily alleviates the painful striving for perfection, and frustration is inevitable because the ideal is unattainable. The resulting guilt leads to self-punishment – in the Unification Church, neglect of sleep and food, cold showers.

The demand for purity in both 1984 and cults leads to an everlasting fight against normal doubts and desires – intellectual, emotional, and sexual. Control of sexuality is designed to prevent truly intimate relations. In 1984, Winston and Julia are intercepted in their affair and made to denounce each other for the love of ‘Big Brother.’ Likewise in the Unification Church, sex is seen exclusively for procreation, and ‘arranged’ marriages, with control of sex within marriage, rob it of anything personal.

Such a high degree of control is gained through what Lifton calls ‘mystical manipulation.’ This makes the cultic experience seem almost miraculous. For example, recruits are told that questions about the Unification Church will be answered at some point during special lectures. Unknown to the questioners, group leaders pass these questions on to lecturers, and the latter then answer these very same questions at a later date in another context. This makes it seem as if the group is omniscient, anticipating all questions and providing ‘all the answers,’ as promised.

The result of the indoctrination is that you get a society of absolutes where both interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships are virtually extinguished, along with those qualities which make us uniquely human: independent thought, intimacy, and communication.

Cult Observer, Vol. 2, No. 2, 1985, p.35

______________________________________

Moonwebs by Josh Freed (the book was made into a movie)

David Frank Taylor: “Social organization of recruitment in the Unification Church” (1978).

Crazy for God: The nightmare of cult life by Christopher Edwards

Barbara Underwood and the Oakland Moonies

Papasan Choi and Boonville’s Japanese origins

Life Among the Moonies [in Oakland] by Deanna Durham

Camp K, aka Maacama Hill, Unification Church recruitment camp

[communist-cat-girl]

i wrote way too much shit so ima paraphrase what made me block someone a minute ago

if someone rewrites a story and makes the characters gay, thats fine if you think doin that shows that you have “gay blinders”, just block me

if youre mad about that, keep readin. if you dont wanna read, block me. its a bad faith take thats on par with “representation is pointless” and “i wish modern media would stop shovin gays down my throat” type 4chan shit

if you dont know what i mean, be thankful! its a pointless bit of discourse that doesnt matter to any real world person except queers online who want to gatekeep every aspect of bein a queer. be gay and free, fuck these hos

“just because its gay doesnt mean its better!” feels a little bad faith? like ya, its obviously not necessarily better, but the thing is ... im gay ... so i have a vested interest in if whether or not they get together; not to mention it recontextualizes stories as one’s of aggression against oppression (if they werent already) that makes me doubly interested as an anarchist.

if we look at, say, Alice Isnt Dead we can see this in full swing both ways. not only is the core audience and creative team behind Welcome to Nightvale openly supportive or queer themselves, so too are those who’ve worked on Alice Isnt Dead. Not only does this mean that the queer audience will feel catered too but the queer staff will be more likely to *want* to work on this, to put their whole ass into this project and make it better than if they were just paid to make some mlw piece of media.

and would the mlw idea rly work when the end of part 1 and all of part 2, spoilers by the way, of alice isnt dead are about the gov’t doin absolutely everythin it can to keep them apart and how *keepin them apart, even as alice is part of this shadowy institution, didnt make them happy and didnt solve the wider problems of the world anyways*

im sorry, but if that story wasnt gay, if its gayness didnt put into focus the issues real gay people face, then that story is ostensibly weaker, its prose less profound, its themes less touchin

now, to talk about the post that made me want to write this ...

im not gonna link it or even directly phrase it, i dont want anyone comin onto me or comin onto anyone else over this (not like my small follower count would)

the tldr is that, the hades and persephone myth is ... well, its kinda shit. its a kidnappin, its a possibly a sexual assault, its a woman forced into a bad circumstance; and so if you made this myth wlw and say its better you “have blinders because its gay” or somethin; which ive never heard anyone suggest EVER but sure, whatever

disclaimer, i am a hellenic pagan, more specifically of roman traditions, so my opinion on the *story itself* is complicated. so im not gonna be sayin much about that.

what i really care about is how somone brings of the Hades Game and i *think* lore olympus retellin where persephone is kidnapped, lowkey on purpose possibly, and eats of the pomegranate to like ... get at her naggin mom, or w/ever. thats not actually the story of the Hades Game nor of the more popular modern helpol retellin but its close enough.

the person who relays this paraphrased story says that if its wlw its better than it would be if it was mlw (and, in gnrl, this retellin is far more palatable to a modern audience; which isnt even rly debateable) and the person complainin say somethin about “gay blinders” says “no it wouldnt be” and a cry emoji.

now, ignorin how ... perhaps accidentally homophobic that comes off as ... like ... it would. mlw forbidden love doesnt really strike the same chord like it used to. in a time of arranged marriage and loveless lives, this concept was REALLY important and was the framein of most myths about a couple in the Mediterranean durin antiquity. problem is, these days, while expectations are hard even for mlw couples, youre still largely goin to get reluctant parents go “*sigh* fine, you may”

and unless youre under a rock you may have forgotten that us fags have a habit of gettin shot for lovin who we love

so ya, the story of forbidden love between a fem hades and a sapphic persephone bein a story of gay love in which they fight against all odds and become happy with each other is substantially more *touchin* (and thus “better” in the common parlance) than the same milk toast mlw forbidden love thats been shoved down queer people’s throats since day one of our birth. 

whats rly annoyin is that op doesnt explain WHY “gay blinders” are such a bad thing anyway? is it genuinely so bad to enjoy gay stories more? to see yourself represented in a piece of media, esp one that you already connect so strongly too?

the worst outcome is “because its gay people think the story is good” but ... i dont think anyone is confused about the story of hades and persephone anyways? like, the ancients werent fuckin morons. zeus was a tyrant king and a story of how despots, even one’s who gain it thru noble means, will inevitably abuse their power. athena was dedicated to protectin women but when a woman needed her most she turned her into a fuckin monster. hera, in her hetero jealousy, harms WOMEN more than men when it comes to vengeance because she believes *the harmful actions of men against women are the fault of women.* and WHO suggests that the ancients thought otherwise?

do you think they would be allowed to spread such horrific and grotesque tales without approval from religious or political authorities if this was not an intentional and integral aspect of their faith? is it not curious that most ancient writers dont rly talk about these tales but only speak of the gods in a Vague sense? is it not curious that the details are obfuscated? ignored? its because while the gods love us and care for us they are also fickle and jealous and violent and they must be, in the ancient view, respected OUT OF FEAR

they clearly understood that these were representations of natural causes (a commonly held belief by ancient philosophers) and so their stories show that the natural outcome of things like LIGHTNING STORMS or EARTHQUAKES happen to everyone because the world is just Like That Sometimes; givin names to these causes just makes it easier to explain them. it helps them figure out the Shape of their trauma, far easier than the existential horror that we experience in our hyper objective world of today

so no, i dont think your modern liberal minded fag is gonna go “oh hades and persephone is so romantic” and even helpols on this site pretty famously go for the stories that resonate more with them on a personal level than the ancient stories men told other men to make them feel good about bein men

yes, even if the story is about two gays

if you think a story is bad on a personal level and think gayness wouldnt solve it ... Okay. thats subjective, movin on.

if you think its bad because makin it gay is a superficial bit of representation, im sorry you live a borin life? all representation is superficial then, if you wanted to be that kindve a jerk about it.

if you think makin it gay harms the original script, im sorry to tell you that oral history has changed most scripts so beyond their original form that we will NEVER be able to know that that original story was (and very likely, from an anthropological point of view, the origin of these stories could be as old as 5 to 10 thousand years ago told in different times with different gods and different circumstnaces; we will NEVER know the original story)

changin the story to fit your modern sensibilities and makin it gay is not bad, dont let anyone tell you otherwise. it even might make the story infinitely better! who knows, who cares! write what makes you happy, fuck these hos

[oumaheroes]

This, of course, now begs the question of IF you could rewrite Hetaoni with your character voices, how would you do it? Then again, this is a massive undertaking so feel free to leave this chilling in your askbox!

Gosh, this IS a massive undertaking but one I'm willing to briefly tackle!

If I were to write Hetaoni, the group going in would either change or would spend more time infighting and split in different ways because Alfred and Ivan wouldn't be able to work together. It depends on the decade of course but having Arthur and Francis AND Alfred and Ivan locked in one space? Fuck me, someone would blow. You've also got a group of mostly very domineering personalities who would all want to take the lead and direct which also wouldn't end well so theyd have to stay apart from each other and work separately to prevent a disaster

Really then, I'd change the group to be characters who worked better together OR change the entire plot to accommodate that difficult mix of people. Either way the whole thing would be immediately very different

I'd also get rid of anything 'extra', focusing only the creature, the lore of it, and getting out (we never did find out whether Ivan was up to something, did we?). Get rid of the early fandom catch phrases and quirks and generally write it in my usual style which would take away a lot of the quirky fun. I'd take away the HRE thing too and really drill down on it being a 'Oh shit what is this thing, how is this time loop working, and how can we get the fuck out.' Work on worldbuilding a bit more to being outside characters in to help and give poor Matthew his goddamm spine back

Overall it would be a lot less silly and thus would maybe lose that spark that people liked so much! It's a product of its time and I have deep nostalgic love for it

[aizensamasuggestions]

Do you consider Kyoka Suigetsu to be your friend? And ally? Or, perhaps, even an enemy? How do you feel towards it?

And (before you fused with the Hogyoku) if someone had had an ability powerful enough to inflict damage upon your Zanpakuto and make it nearly or completely useless, how would you react?

I will do my best to answer this flurry of questions, but, as I'm sure Anonymous is well aware, I could answer a single one with a twelve page missive.

To begin at the beginning, then.

Kyoka Suigetsu, Anonymous, is as inseparable from me as my very Soul. They are me; I am them. Do I always like what my Soul reflects?

...

Well.

Does anyone?

But, to answer a question you didn't ask, if someone were to try to weld my Kyoka Suigetsu in my stead they would discover the power of my zanpakuto diminished in their hand, because it is only my massive reiatsu that allows the two of us to act with such reach. We once held the entire Seireitei in our thrall. No one else could do that. This is why Kyoka Suigetsu and are a perfect match. There is no better zanpakuto for me, and no better welder for them.

When I was a young man in Academy did I foolishly wish for a weapon that would strike where I aim it, obey my desires to wound in some way other than psychologically...? Yes. Yes, of course, I did. I am a man like any other and learning that such a simple act--murder--would be forever refused me by the living edged weapon that I carry was... difficult.

But, I was able to compensate by becoming a master of Kido and Hakuda. Both quite deadly martial arts. Both, for the most part, respected on the field of battle.

Likewise, it was always troublesome to be left with such a puzzle of a zanpaukto name. No one else I have ever met has a phrase--a common, well-known proverb. One, it seems, too, that makes me appear foolish and over reaching. As I'm sure Anonymous is aware, Kyoka Suigetsu means "flower seen in the mirror, moon on the water's surface" and usually the sort of thing monks quote when remarking upon a thing that is beautiful but unattainable, a mirage, a false hope.

Eventually, however, I came to understand Kyoka Suigetsu, which is why I used their power to hide the fact that they have stayed with me despite merging with the hogyoku. Surely you noticed my ability to use hypnosis on that upstart, Juha Bach? How would that be possible had Kyoka Suigetsu "shattered," a word you should feel is already associated with us in some way.... though don't be foolish enough to think it is my release command, nor that we can't release silently.

As for your final question, Anonymous, I have long been prepared for such an attack on Kyoka Suigetsu.

Why, besides their stubborn refusal to kill, do you think I learned to fight so well without Kyoka Suigetsu? If I had to, I could defend myself with just Kido and Hakuda--and I did, for a long time in the battle for Fake Karakura Town. Keep in mind, my skills are such that I could, single handedly, keep three master-level hakuda fighters at bay: Shihōin Yoruichi, Kurosaki Isshin, AND Urahara Kisuke.

But, to your point, why do you think I took so long to employ the hypnotic powers to Kyoka Suigetsu during that battle? Why do you think I used it so sparingly even then? I had assumed that the Gotei 13 was smart enough to enlist the aid of Ichibe Hyousube to do just that--to use the "ink" of his Ichimonji to rewrite Kyoka Suigetsu's abilities. It was only when it was clear that Zero Squad had not been called to aid the Gotei in that battle that I felt free to use Kyoka Suigetsu.

It amuses me that, once again, I overestimated my opponents. Even now, it never seems to occur them the weapons they could use against me. Note to add to Master Plan: Find a way to destroy either Ichimonji or Ichibe so that neither can rewrite my zanpakuto, or, gods forbid, my own reiatsu.

So, my answer, Anonymous, should not surprise you. How would I react to knowing someone has this power?

Plan for it.

Always plan for it.

[starter-library]

Waitress Lyric starters ||act one||act two||

FEEL FREE TO CHANGE PRONOUNS/NAMES/PHRASING AS YOU SEE FIT

I Didn’t Plan It

“Go ahead, throw your rocks at me from your little glass house”

“You're no better than me. We've both made mistakes, haven't we?”

“I won't undo what I'm doin’, Sit in judgment of what makes us human”

“I don't claim to be proud, but my head won't be hung in shame”

“I'm still standing”

“It's not what I wanted, but now that it's right here”

“I didn't plan it, But it's finally something to feel”

“Look around you ain't no saints here, baby. We're all just looking for a little less crazy”

“I'm sick of the way I've been waiting to break free”

“I needed saving and a good mistake needed making”

“Maybe you need the same thing: Something to feel, To race through your blood and remind you you're here”

“I didn't plan it but that's life and I'm finally feeling alive”

“It's not right, but it's mine and it's finally something to feel”

Bad Idea (Reprise)

“You’re no mistaking”

“We can’t come back from this”

“I want more of what I had”

“Feels so good to be bad”

“Take this bad idea and walk this wire”

“Chance won’t come every single day so don’t throw it away”

“We might burn but we might get saved, I don’t feel much fire at all these days”

You Matter to Me

“I could find the whole meaning of life in those sad eyes, they've seen things you never quite say”

“Come out of hiding, I'm right here beside you and I'll stay there as long as you'll let me”

“You matter to me. Simple and plain and not much to ask from somebody”

“You matter to me. I promise you do, you, you matter too”

“It's addictive the minute you let yourself think the things that I say just might matter to someone”

“All of this time I've been keeping my mind on the running away and for the first time, I think I'd consider the stay”

“I hope someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight”

“I hope you become addicted to sayin' things and having them matter to someone”

I Love You Like a Table

“I am in love and I don't care who knows it”

“I was ordinary but with your love, you see, I am a poem writer”

“I will express this if I'm able. I love you like a table, My legs were carved for you”

“I love you too, And I wanted to try and surprise you”

“I've written 29 new drafts of vows that didn't rhyme”

“Promise to as best we can say I do and tell you that when I see you I'll want to again”

Take it from an Old Man

“Take it from an old man, Time’s just sand slippin' past”

“No one ever sees what falls through the cracks”

“My mistakes have made me and I am what I am”

“Though I don’t believe in silver linings, I believe that there’s something in you”

“Something good is tryin’ to break through”

“You might have to fight the good fight and when you think you can’t, you can”

“The days don’t stretch any longer”

“They’ve left tracks upon my skin, but I reckon made me stronger”

“Bet it all on yourself at least one time ‘cause honey, win or lose it’s one hell of a ride”

She Used to Be Mine

“It's not simple to say that most days, I don't recognize me”

“These shoes, and this apron, that place, and its patrons have taken more than I gave them”

“It's not easy to know I'm not anything like I used to be”

“Although it's true I was never attention's sweet center, But I still remember that girl”

“She is broken and won't ask for help”

“She is lonely most of the time”

“She is gone, but she used to be mine”

“It's not what I asked for, sometimes life just slips in through a back door”

“You're not what I asked for. If I'm honest, I know I would give it all back for a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two”

Everything Changes

“Today's a day like any other but I'm changed, I am a mother in an instant”

“And who I was has disappeared, It doesn't matter, now you're here”

“I was lost for you to find and now I'm yours, and you are mine”

“An unsung melody is mine for safekeeping and I will guard it with my life”

“Starting here and starting now I can feel the heart of how everything changes”

“I didn't know, but now I see sometimes what is, is meant to be”

“You saved me”

“My blurry lines, my messy life come into focus and in time, maybe I can heal and I can breathe”

“Oh my heart's at the wheel now and all my mistakes they make sense when I turn them around”

“What I thought was so permanent fades in the blink of an eye”

“I know in due time, every right thing will find its right place”

Opening Up (Finale)

“Isn’t it amazing what comes our way”

“One at a time every day falls in line”

“Looking around at the same things all of them changing 'cause everything does”

“We’re opening up to what’s inside of what’s inside of love”

[dupliciaa]

I see you are doing the Big Sad lately.

In an effort to bring forward something you like, Can you share a WIP of something your writing currently? Maybe from CinWin? A phrase or a speech or sentence that you wrote that you really like, and why? I love you art and I hope to see more of your writing in the future!

Thanks for reaching out, anon. I'll share a brief,, idea i have for the bitter exes au. i haven't actually started writing it yet, but this is just a short snippet of the opening scene i want to write. Winter and Cinder reunite for the first time in a coffee shop in Altas bc cinder is visiting (cinder lives and was trained in vacuo) for a mission. winter wants to avoid cinder at all cost because their breakup was incredibly rough (and out of winter's hands for the most part) but cinder sees her and starts an argument, which winter doesn't try very hard to dissuade.

This is subject to go through a rewrite since i'm just writing it for the first time right now, but it's basically how i want the scene to go. under read more as not to clog up the dash.

Perhaps Winter spent too long staring at the familiar woman in the corner of the shop trying to figure out who she was because the person behind her in line rudely cleared their throat, letting Winter know that she was still in the way. She muttered a quiet apology before stepping to the side and allowing her eyes to drift back towards the dark-haired woman in the corner, manicured nails dragging across the screen of her scroll as dark brows were furrowed in thought. Winter swore she recognized the face before, that exact expression contorted in concentration.

Then came a flash from her childhood, visions of a similar dark-haired girl (though the style of hair was completely different now than it was back then, now long and pulled over her shoulder instead of tied back into a partial ponytail) swinging twin swords, visage contorted in concentration in the same exact way.

Cinder. The name suddenly popped into Winter's head and her heart dropped into her stomach and twisted into a tight knot. Cinder was someone Winter thought would never come back into her life. Their last departure was a messy one and she knew that the other might harbor negative feelings towards her. Maybe she could sneak out of here without being seen despite the incredible length at which Winter had been staring. It seemed that Cinder could feel the eyes on her because she suddenly lifted her head just as Winter ducked hers down. Her feet shuffled towards the door at a quick pace, but with the amount of people crowding the small coffee shop, it wasn't quick enough.

"Schnee," came a harsh voice from behind her. Winter cursed to herself, sighing harshly. Part of her debated ignoring the voice, debated just walking out and never looking back. The hesitation in her movements lead to a snide remark from the woman who called her name. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were trying to avoid me. I wonder why that would be?" Cinder's voice dripped with sarcasm and mockery, much different than it had when they were children. The knot caused Winter's stomach to churn painfully, causing the woman to grimace before allowing her expression to relax in preparation to meet those amber eyes once more.

"Cinder," came Winter's greeting, voice feigning pleasantries. Her back was straight and her free hand which wasn't holding her cup of coffee was held behind her back. "I wasn't trying to avoid you," a blatant lie. "I wasn't sure if I recognized you or not and didn't want to bother you if I happened to be wrong about your identity..." That made sense, right? Winter knew she probably sounded ridiculous and she noticed that Cinder's expression changed from playful and mischievous to disinterested in a matter of seconds, brows turning downward as if to show anger.

"You weren't sure if you recognized me?" She asked in a voice that told Winter of the underling anger within. It wasn't sarcastic or mocking anymore, rather it was venomous and biting. "I suppose I do look different from the last time we met. I'm stronger. I'm smarter. Maybe even better than you now." Cinder scoffed softly, small smirk tugging at the corner of her lips and Winter could feel a tinge of frustration digging its way into her. To say Winter was competitive would be an understatement; she had to be the best. And Cinder knew exactly how to pry that side out of her.

Winter shifted uncomfortably where she stood, arm now falling to her side as her frustrated expression remained on Cinder. It was their first time seeing one another since they were teenagers and Cinder was already trying to start a fight? Could Winter really blame her? She was having a hard time trying to separate logic with impulse as that phrase continued to repeat in her mind: 'maybe even better than you...' Finally, Winter scoffed and turned her head to the side. "I doubt you're skill level exceeds mine." She retorted, taking the bait. She could hear Cinder chuckling and her head snapped forward.

"Of course, because you're so perfect, right?" another rhetoric question, Cinder seemed to be full of them. "You're ridiculous. You think just because you're the general's little lapdog, you're the best at everything? I'm sure you're just a fraud." What a baseless accusation. If anything, her position should prove her strength. Winter's patience was wearing thin, causing her jaw to clench tightly. Frustration was quickly turning into anger, gloved hand curling into a tight fist. She had already forgotten about her previous humiliation, calculated thoughts becoming impulsive ones instead, leaving her blind and open to Cinder's strategy to get under her skin.

"Do I need to kick your ass to prove it?" She almost snapped, gnashing her teeth at the other. It would seem that that was exactly what Cinder had wanted because she seemed quite satisfied with herself. Smug smirk on her face, she walked forward, making her her shoulder bumped Winter's as she passed. "I'd love to see you try. Meet me in one of the training rooms at the academy this afternoon."

The closeness of the other brought a moment of clarity if only due to the scent that drifted from Cinder; she smelled like firewood and embers. It reminded Winter of the comforting feeling of a crackling fire in a furnace. Her expression relaxed, but Winter didn't get a moment to reply before Cinder was gone, the bell above the door twinkling as it opened and closed behind her.

[lovelyirony]

sweeter than honey (redux)

Pepper Potts did not exactly mean to become a criminal. Really, she still doesn’t think she is. 

But here are the facts: 

1.) She has broken several laws in pursuit of funds that do not belong to her. 

2.) The FBI would like to talk to her about several things and potentially put her under arrest. 

3.) She can no longer go to her regular coffee shop because the barista snitched and told them her name, as well as her occupation. 

Pepper broke several laws because the company she was working for (Stane International) was technically breaking laws, but laws that do not apply to corporations because corporations do this thing called “funding campaigns” and also sometimes “doing favors.” 

She decided to do the same and suddenly she is a criminal. Not her fault she redistributed money back into the community, and now they can’t get any of it back. 

It’s just how that worked out. 

She’s been staying at a hotel that serves many questionable individuals each month, and it has an indoor pool and a three-star rating on the latest travel website. 

It’s nondescript, not her style, and she’s currently in the bathroom having a crisis because she most likely needs to dye her hair. 

She’s vain. Pepper knows she is, has known it since high school when she trimmed her hair and cried. Her hair, by all accounts, is gorgeous. It’s a shiny strawberry-blonde that makes her look like an ice queen in winter and a mysterious fairy queen in summer. 

She does not want to dye it. But here she is with an eight dollar box of dye and thoughts in her head. 

And then her hotel door opens. 

Not supposed to do that, but that’s what happens when you’re in a three-star hotel. 

She is also in old athletic shorts that have most definitely seen better days and a tank top that was a last-minute buy from the nearest store, and it does not suit her at all. 

Facing her is a man with an odd beard, tinted sunglasses, and a graphic t-shirt over a blazer. 

“So. You pissed off Stane Industries,” he drawls. “I’m impressed. Usually they just sweep their little problems under the rug.” 

“I’ll sweep you under one if you’d like,” Pepper offers, wondering how quickly a blowdryer can knock someone out. She’s not sure how well-made the hotel one is. Probably not very. 

“I’m not here to kill you,” the man says. He takes off his sunglasses. His eyes are a nice shade of brown, not that you’re supposed to notice that about a potential enemy. Pepper is just that skilled. 

“Then what are you here to do? Make me move to Florida?” 

“No, the opposite. We’re staying here. I’m offering you a job position of helping me take down Obadiah Stane and the company itself.” 

“Who would I be working with?” 

“Anthony Stark.” 

Pepper stills. 

She read the news when she was in college, same time as Tony Stark. Went missing in the car crash, no one found his body. Temperatures were freezing, he was wearing a tuxedo. The chances were that he froze to death somewhere that they didn’t find yet. 

Chances were. What an odd little phrase. 

“So, you made it out.” 

“Not as hard as people say it seems to be, Virginia.” 

“Call me Pepper, my first name disgusts me.” 

“Gotcha, Pepper. Call me Tony. You in?” 

“Obviously. What do I need to do?” 

“Meet the team.” 

-

There is Rhodey, who was Tony’s best friend and sobbed on national television for two weeks until they forgot all about him. 

“He’ll cry at anything,” Tony says with a laugh as Rhodey sends him a dirty look. “Just made him think about neon shoes and he bawled like a baby.”

“I did not,” Rhodey hisses. “I was a good crier.” 

 “You looked like a seal,” Pepper intervenes. “But you played the part quite well. Nice to meet you.” 

“Right back at you, Pepper.” 

She meets Happy, a man who is all serious and grumpy and “did not want to break the law before forty” but he also gets to watch Downton Abbey whenever he wants, so he’s not doing too bad. 

He runs security and also tells Rhodey and Tony when they’re banned from ordering pizza all the time, and Pepper is inducted into the Healthy Eating Committee. 

There’s Bruce Banner, who enjoys taking over corporations for fun, and this is his second one. His first was some sort of health insurance scam, and apparently that was just to finish up his thesis for his third doctorate. 

“He has seven degrees, he’s weird,” Tony says. 

“Oh like you’re any better,” Bruce says with a snort. “You learned twelve languages for fun. Including French, which is useless.” 

“French is not useless,” Tony says. “It got us free food in Canada.” 

“We would’ve gotten it anyway if we’d done it my way.” 

“Stealing?” Rhodey asks. 

“Yes!” 

Pepper laughs. 

- 

Their job is a bit easier than anticipated. They found out from Pepper that getting into the building is stupid easy because no one likes their job and will do anything when bribed. 

Tony struts in with a badly-made-employee-ID and talks about a copying machine and coffee and seeing someone next month for dinner. Pepper just keeps her head down and pretends like she’s meeting someone for something. Like usual. 

Obadiah Stane is out of the country on a meeting, and his secretary is scared to death of him, so they’re allowed to poke around the office and find some interesting information. 

The problem comes when someone recognizes Bruce outside (government watchlists: the most pesky things on earth) and suddenly there’s this huge fuss. 

Tony pushes Pepper into an office closet and then promptly asks her if anyone opens the door, if she’s alright with him kissing her. 

“Why would you do that?” 

“People don’t like watching kissing, too intimate. Also, you have a lovely face and you’re quite funny, and I think it’d be fun and delightful to kiss you.” 

“How long have you thought about that?” 

“Not going to talk about that, just want an answer. If you say no--and feel free to, there’s no obligation in physical contact right now--it does complicate plans A to D. I suppose we could play the divorced couple route, but I’m not a gigantic fan about that.” 

“I mean, I guess? It wouldn’t be bad, and I’m not exactly opposed to it, Would it mean anything later?” 

“Do you want it to?” 

“Let’s figure that out after we do it.” 

“If we need to do it.” 

Door swings open. 

Oh, there’s a need. 

Tony is a particularly nice kisser, Pepper thinks. The thought runs through her head that she’s only kissed two people before Tony, and one was in high school so that doesn’t count, but the other was a secretary at an old company she used to work for.

But Tony is nice. Soft and warm and he grabs her waist and that’s nice. 

“Oh my god, sorry,” the employee mutters. “I just, I thought--” 

“Occupied!” Tony says, not even stopping as he kicks out his leg and practically stomps the poor other guy in the stomach. 

They get out, run, and Pepper laughs as she sees a bit of pink lipstick on the side of Tony’s mouth. 

“So, how’d I do?” 

“Send me a survey,” Pepper remarks. “Or a ranking.” 

“On a scale of one to ten?” 

“Seven.” 

“I was that bad?” 

“How do you rank things? Do you put one as the best?” 

“Obviously.” 

“No, you’re an idiot. One is always the worst. You’re a nine. It would’ve been higher but we were in a corporate office and in a supply closet.” 

“So what you’re saying is, I’ll have to try again?” 

“Preferably over a couple glasses of wine and pizza. The good kind, though. Not the garbage Rhodey orders.” 

They approach the car that Happy has, with Rhodey and Bruce already leading others on a goose chase. 

“You two have too much fun,” Happy mutters. “Boss, you got lipstick on your side. Did you get the drives?” 

“Transferred and set to release to every major news outlet tomorrow morning at six a.m.,” Tony says. “Interns are going to curse my name as they’re forced to rewrite articles.” 

Pepper smiles. 

That night, they have a couple of glasses of wine and Tony orders the good pizza, the kind that costs a little bit too much for what it is, but it’s all worth it in the end. 

- 

When Tony takes over the company after about six months of legal battles that would probably have drawn on for well over a decade if not for the fact that Tony is one of the most in-your-face-let’s-talk men she’s ever met, Pepper was kind of expecting things to slow down. 

Of course not. That’s not her style nor is it Tony’s, although arguably a vacation or a nice spa day would have been nice beforehand. 

“We have shit to do,” Tony says. “Rhodey, you need to help me revamp R&D. Pepper, I need to talk to you in the office.” 

They’ve already hired a company to completely redesign the entire building and refocus the company’s outlook, starting with getting rid of the disgusting 1970s carpet and chairs. God, it’s ugly. Pepper cried when she saw the office chairs. 

But she’s in Tony’s office, and she’s wondering if this is going to be directly related to workplace relationships or not. She’s already prepared an argument as to why she still wants a relationship and just how much professionalism she can exhibit in the face of hardship. 

(That hardship being the fact that Tony looks quite good in suits but also has arms that are made for tank tops.) 

“I have a problem with you,” Tony says. “And it’s that I want to make you CEO, but I don’t want people to think that you got it just because we’re dating. So we have an issue to cross.” 

Pepper was not expecting this. She was expecting maybe head accountant, or head of the PR team. But CEO? That was something that was...wow. Pepper had had a fifteen year plan for working up from wherever it was that she would be at. 

She also didn’t know they were dating. 

“We’re dating?” 

“Did I read the kiss wrong? Oh shit, was the seven secretly the bad seven?” 

“No!” Pepper says. “You just never told me that we were dating, we didn’t have a communicative conversation about it.” 

“Oh. Well, would you like to go on dates and things?” 

“What’s ‘and things’?” 

“You know. Sexy times. But I wanted to be a professional about it. But I am not that professional.” 

“No, no you’re not. Which is why you offered me the CEO position and why I am accepting it. But I will also date you...and things.” 

“Excellent. Have a dinner tonight while we discuss how to do Microsoft Excel?” 

“I already know how to use it.” 

“Pepper, you are the only woman for me in this lifetime and the next.” 

“And the one after that?” 

“I’m assuming you’ll get bored of me and marry someone who’s seven feet tall.” 

“Seven feet tall? What, am I going to attend every NBA game for the next husband?” 

“Maybe, I don’t know what you’ll do. I’ll probably be halfway into a grave over despair.” 

Pepper chuckles, dropping a short kiss onto his temple. 

“Well, I hope I don’t have to witness that. You want me to make some salad for tonight then?” 

“Yes please! We also need to review the decor and see what chairs to order.” 

Pepper nods. 

“We need to ask Rhodey, he has opinions about design of those.” 

“Of course he does, he hates standing too long. We’ll send him some of our options.” 

She waves as she leaves the office. 

What Tony misses: 

Pepper pumps her fist as she leaves the office, nearly stumbles, and is quite glad that no security cameras were installed that day. 

What Pepper misses: 

Tony spins so hard in his office chair as a celebration that it topples over. 

Yeah, they’re made for each other. 

[fancyfade]

Damian remembers the second time he arrived in Gotham, after he'd left Mother.

He hated it. He hated having no mission, nowhere to go. The boredom of the days as he monitored the city but did not act on his notes, in case Father would discover him before he was ready. The apathy and stagnation of no training schedule. The –

fear is the wrong word, but he cannot think of a replacement – when he woke up each time in a new place – waking up to the shattering of glass as the bottle he placed on a restroom doorknob broke when his sanctuary was invaded, waking up tied to the top of a tree outside of town, to keep himself out of sight of any aggressors –

There really was something to be said for going to sleep in the same bed every night. For... well, everywhere is enemy territory. Damian should know that and only an idiot wouldn't.

But when he was living with Grayson before all this, he was at least confident that if Grayson chose to attack him, it would be in a predictable manner. Due to one of Damian's actions, presumably to restrain him from using excessive force.

Now – Grayson isn't aggressive. He wouldn't fight Damian physically. But it'd be better if he did, it'd be easier to deal with if he would attack him than if he would manipulate him with lies. At least Damian knows how to react to the first situation.

keep reading

okay so. Very long chapter. Decisions under cut

I kind of feel like while Damian doesn’t technically need Alfred and Dick to live day-to-day life but does benefit from having someone providing structure and looking out for him... not that he would ever say that 😂 but a lot of early on stuff is typical kid stuff where Dick is providing most of the structure and crime fighting lessons and we see Damian trying to be independent and set boundaries (leaving when Dick tells him off for beating the information out of someone in B&R #2, not telling Dick about Colin because he wants to have some allies away from Batman in Batman: streets of Gotham)... kind of like typical kid stuff. Which is nice.

re: Damian's kill-code. I don't think he really felt like it was wrong at the time when he killed people, but I do also think that he wasn't murder-happy (and probably didn't even like doing it). It's not like he was killing people because he really liked killing people, it was always for a reason. He's only ever really shown to fight combatants and in Robin: Son of Batman a lot of his rhetoric is clearly he's doing it for his family – because you know, that's what he's been told he had to do. We can see that with Goliath where he projects onto Goliath and tells Goliath that he should fight for his family and his entire family is counting on him. Also significant that even though Goliath is an animal, not a person, we see Damian doesn't kill Goliath when Goliath is not fighting back. I think even if he hadn't met Bruce and Dick, Damian would have eventually been unable to keep going through with Ra's' plans (like in-character Talia is).

I also think that, because it's Ra's' entire thing, Damian probably thought that killing people for Ra's was saving the world and I imagine that (+ the doing it for family) is probably what he had to tell himself if he ever had doubts.

Damian did get to have one of the lines I liked in Morrison's run (being Robin is the best thing I've done) just I used it in a different context here, because I do think that he likes being able to save people (since we see him be concerned about civilians safety way earlier than we see him ever think killing people is wrong). But yeah Chapter 45 was the explicitly rejecting Ra's' offer (for himself and his own reasons, not because he thought Bruce was approving) and this one is the deciding to be Robin.

I also know that while it is probably narratively frustrating for Damian to still insist that he's doing this at least partly due to his dad, I do really like the gradualness of his character arc and don't want to erase that in my fic. So we can see that while he has motives for wanting to do it himself (feeling a responsibility to civilians and liking being able to live with it easier, appreciating Dick's training) he's still going to phrase it as if it's related to Bruce, even if it's in a challenging way now (like “I’ll be better than you thought I could”) not in a “please like me/ doing what you wanted” way.

Re: what Talia tells Damian about his destiny. I changed it slightly from Batman and Robin #0 because even though I do regard the Batman and Robin 2011 series and Robin: Son of Batman as my main character reference for a lot of Damian stuff, the “you will lead the Al Ghul dynasty and save/rule the world” thing Talia tells him seemed like the writers were trying to give Talia something positive to say to Damian but while not completely going against how she acted in Morrison's writing? But I really prefer @sapodilas's interpretation of Talia where she's a burned out idealist (link) and she wants something better for her son – that's why in my fic she just tells him he'll be able to do great stuff (and be free 😭) without imposing expectations that he will rule the world or anything on him.

Also as you can tell in my interpretation Talia was preparing to leave the League for a while – that's why she told Damian about all the security flaws in the bases (which he then used to hide from Ra's when he helped break himself out) and that was the purpose of the birthday fight in the Batman and Son rewrite fic – she wanted to establish an excuse to take Damian away from Ra's for a bit before she needed to use it.

Technically when Damian was having his internal monologue about Talia the initial monologue was like 'he'd only seen the part of her she'd let him see / that he wanted to see' thing here but I feel like that might be a bit too mature a thought for him at the moment with how much resentment he has on her for things not being how they used to be and feeling like he wasn't trained well enough earlier.

The Bruce wanting Damian to be free from both his and Ra's' destiny is from Resurrection of Ra's Al Ghul ending (also I find it kind of sad/funny that Bruce is better at understanding Damian needs to develop himself as a person and not just follow in his footsteps before he raises him, then when he's raising him he's bad at making Damian feel that way and Damian thinks Bruce just wants him to be a mini-Bruce in Batman and Robin 2011)

Either way hope you liked it this was almost certainly 1 of the longest plotlines I've done so far in this fic!

[mordoriscalling]

Secret pt.2

A follow up to my fanfic about Geralt talking (and eventually confessing his love) to Jaskier in Polish, thinking that Jaskier doesn’t understand. @artistsfuneral came up with that glorious idea in this fic! Now, pt 2 is about how Jaskier learns the language, as requested by blue_midnight on AO3. Hope you enjoy! 

(This fic also includes background, brief Lambert/ Aiden)

At the beginning, Jaskier suspects that it’s Geralt’s way of being as rude as possible. Why on earth act like that, he has no idea, but one thing is for certain: the rustling sounds leaving Geralt’s mouth, which Jaskier thinks are supposed to be words, are set to drive him insane.

It must be some kind of language. Geralt uses it when talking to his horse a lot. Jaskier almost finds the behaviour endearing but then the witcher speaks in that tongue when answering many of his questions. Jaskier just wants to get them better acquainted but Geralt couldn’t care less about the offerings of friendship, apparently.

Even though the witcher can be a right bastard like that, one thing is clear from the very start: Jaskier can only wish to be half the man Geralt is, but the world thinks it’s Geralt who is less than human. Jaskier finds he can’t stand by and let it happen.

It’s a simple exchange. They both need each other to prove that they’re more than what everyone thinks they are. The transaction is uncomplicated: Geralt fights monsters for Jaskier to sing about, Jaskier softens the hearts and the minds. As time passes, however, it changes and becomes more complex: they share food, rooms and coin, start caring for each other in all the small but significant ways.

Five years pass and it’s a friendship in full bloom, but Geralt still often talks to him and snaps at him in that damned tongue, like he doesn’t think Jaskier worthy of knowing his thoughts. It’s never stopped angering him but at this point, he’s also intrigued in what Geralt wants to hide and why the hell it seems to concern him so often. (A certain feeling that shall not be named blooms in his chest at the thought and he squashes it).

Then there’s that one bath. Geralt looks at him as if he was the most fascinating puzzle in the world which, fair, Jaskier is interesting if he does say so himself, but not that much. It’s on that day that he decides to learn that bloody language, even if it’s the last thing he does.

Jaskier goes to Oxenfurt that winter and searches the vast library through and through. The librarians shoot him looks indicating their suspicion about him being a maniac but Jaskier is simply a man on a mission. In the middle of winter, his madness finally bears fruit – he finds an ancient book written in a language he has never seen. “Wiedźmiński bestiariusz” the title says. Inside, there’s a loose piece of parchment with the first few paragraphs of the book translated, including the title – “Witcher Bestiary”. The book is full of sketches of monsters and descriptions, the words containing several strange letters. Many passages aren’t readable anymore because they’ve faded with age but Jaskier treasures the book anyway. He spends the rest of the winter copying all the legible pages, indulging in life’s pleasures much less, which only fuels the rumours of his insanity. All the while, he hopes that this is the language Geralt has been using.

The answer comes surprisingly quickly in the surprising shape of another wolf witcher. They stumble upon each other in late spring in Redania. It’s such a funny coincidence that there’s no way Jaskier’s not going to make the best of it.

“See, master witcher,” Jaskier says as they drink ale together, “When I rummaged through my university’s library, I stumbled upon an interesting volume.” He forgets to mention the translated passages as he pulls out his copy of the book and lays it on the table in front of Lambert. The witcher’s eyes widen when they rest upon the title and Jaskier knows this is it. He grins and carries on, “It seems to be full of precious knowledge and wisdom, yet it’s written in a language I don’t understand. It concerns monsters, so I was hoping a witcher could assist me in decoding this tongue.”

Lambert says nothing for some time, only regarding Jaskier with suspicion. “Why would you want to learn it?” he questions.

“Call it academic curiosity.”

The witcher’s eyes narrow. Hadn’t Jaskier spent so much time with Geralt, he would certainly squirm under the hot, searching gaze.

“It’s not a secret language of your guild, is it?” he asks to break the tense silence.

“It’s not,” Lambert answers, “But no one really bothered before, is the thing. Dunno what to make of you.”

Jaskier sighs and decides to reveal the malice of his intentions because, from what little Geralt told him of his brothers, he knows that Lambert will appreciate it. “Listen,” he says as he leans in towards the red-haired witcher, “just imagine how it’ll freak Geralt out when he finds out.”

Lambert lets out a delighted laugh. “Fuck, I wanna be there when it happens.”

Jaskier can’t make any promises of the sort, so he says nothing to that. Instead, he asks, “Do we have a deal, then?”

“We’ll see.”

Lambert’s reserve didn’t make sense at that moment but Jaskier almost wishes he didn’t find out why the witcher was so cautious about his enthusiasm.

It turns out the language is a demonic creation. Lambert starts explaining some basic words and phrases to him and it already makes Jaskier’s head spin – there are so many forms and conjugations that Jaskier’s task of achieving fluency in that damned tongue suddenly appears almost too daunting. Almost.

He still wants to see the look on Geralt’s bloody beautiful face.

Lambert lets Jaskier join him on the Path for a few weeks. Throughout that time, he teaches Jaskier a bit more, especially how to read in the language. The wonderful thing about it is that, once he knows all the rules of pronunciation, he can read everything out loud. The dreadful thing is that the pronunciation itself is so tough and tongue-twisting that it may as well be a form of diabolical punishment inflicted upon Jaskier for all the transgressions he committed.

Lambert laughs when he voices his frustrations. “Przyzwyczaisz się.” You’ll get used to it, the witcher answers, his voice producing the mad consonant clusters with ease.

“I doubt it,” Jaskier grumbles under his breath.

The two of them part ways as Jaskier pays for Lambert’s services with a song. Jaskier saw the wolf witcher take down a vampire in a truly spectacular manner, so it was no hardship. After Lambert leaves, Jaskier starts learning on his own. Whenever Geralt hunts, he reads out loud from his copy of the bestiary (and how Geralt never overhears it is truly beyond him. Melitele likes him calling upon her tits so frequently, it seems). He tries to decipher the words in the book using all knowledge he has, translating some more passages. He and Lambert also exchange letters but Jaskier fails at writing in the tongue miserably. The last one he wrote returns to him with a multitude of Lambert’s corrections and a short note from the witcher himself:

"Cały list do przepisania, skowroneczku." The whole letter needs rewriting, little lark.

Jaskier huffs at the nickname, ruffling his figurative feathers in indignation. Although a lark’s voice is beautiful, very much so, its plumage is too plain. Jaskier could never. He would be a blackbird at the very least. Or a siskin. A bullfinch, preferably. If Jaskier was honest, a peacock would best fit to describe his exterior, but the sounds peacocks make aren’t pleasant, so he would be willing to settle on some colourful songbird.

Damn Lambert, in any case. The witcher knows far too well how to rile him up. It’s a bit unnerving.

"Skowronek to nie jak ja." Lark doesn’t sound like me, Jaskier answers in the next letter.

"Rzeczywiście, tak ładnie nie śpiewasz." True, your singing isn’t that pretty, Lambert writes back.  

Damn him indeed. Jaskier responds to that comment with a simple, efficient “fuck you”, to which Lambert replies “chciałbyś” you wish.

Jaskier can’t exactly deny this. He would certainly show his appreciation for Lambert’s fiery spirit if not for one little, tiny problem. The problem is so minuscule that Jaskier does everything in his power not to think about it. He seeks out lovers constantly and falls into the Countess de Stael’s arms almost every winter. She wants his attention now, as it’s a puppy love no longer, but during his stay at her palace, someone else always catches his attention. She kicks him out the moment she finds out. And so their romance goes, rinse and repeat.

No matter whether Jaskier winters at the Countess’s court, Oxenfurt, or some other place, he always devotes much of his free time to search for any book containing the Witcher tongue, as Jaskier started calling it. There isn’t much anywhere, and Lambert’s letters are few and far in between. Jaskier can feel himself getting stagnant in his learning and he can’t afford it. Not now, after six years of gargantuan effort that he’s put in already. Not when Geralt sometimes says something to him in that quiet, warm voice, and he still doesn’t understand.

Jaskier seems to enjoy more of Melitele’s blessing than he really should because, just when he’s getting desperate, there’s a godsend dropped on his way on a lovely spring day.

Quite literally dropped, since that witcher falls from a tree Jaskier’s about to walk under as he’s on his way to find Geralt. There’s a cat medallion around the witcher’s neck, and his body is gravely injured. He’s unconscious and Jaskier takes the liberty to use his witcher potions to help him not die. After he finally opens his eyes the next day, he introduces himself as Aiden.

It takes Aiden two more days to stand back on his feet. Soon after he manages that, Jaskier makes him trip when he speaks in the Witcher tongue to him, and the poor Cat witcher actually falls to the ground when Jaskier mentions Lambert. Sensing some story there, he sticks by Aiden’s side for a week or two. They make fast friends and promise to write to each other frequently.

Aiden’s letters are just what Jaskier needs to improve. The witcher is more expansive than Lambert and a touch flirty, which is perfect. As their correspondence goes on, Jaskier grows to like him only more and more. Not that much, though; he’s still stuck in the merry old mess of admiration and friendly affection getting out of hand. At least he’s not the only one – the story that Aiden and Lambert share is there in the letters, between the lines, and Jaskier is clever enough to see it.

Jaskier and Aiden meet for a drink in Novigrad once. When they’re deep into their cups, they start whining about their predicament.

“Cholerne wilki.” Damned wolves, Aiden grumbles.

“Cholerne wilki.” Damned wolves, Jaskier agrees wholeheartedly.

Ten years of learning the Witcher tongue have passed when Jaskier finds Geralt fishing for a djin in the lake near Rinde. He’s known Geralt for sixteen years now, so it takes him exactly one moment to see through the sorry excuse of insomnia. Destiny can’t be trifled with like that, he knows, so he doesn’t let it happen.

When Jaskier sings his friend to sleep, Geralt wonders about deserving him, that silly witcher. As if it wasn’t Jaskier who could only dream of deserving Geralt. As if Jaskier wasn’t a cheater, a homewrecker and a bastard who shouldn’t even deserve to look into those warm, gold eyes that allow a peek into the heart of gold.

As they meet Yennefer, the chemistry between her and Geralt is so strong that Jaskier can almost see the sparkles fly. Jaskier holds his breath all throughout their stay in Rinde. After they leave and nothing happens, there’s no relief. Now the witcher and the sorceress can get together any time and Jaskier turns bitter at the ripe, sweet age of thirty-four.

He lets go of many things after that. The silly affair with the Countess, caring about what the educated think about his works. He lives, breathes and grows, at last, fuelled by the one thing that he’s driven by best – sheer, absolute spite. Jaskier’s learnt the Witcher tongue out of spite (among other motives that he refuses to think about), and out of spite he will survive now, no matter how much he worries about a purple-eyes sorceress being such a great match for the White Wolf that even he wants to write a ballad about it.

Jaskier doesn’t ask, of course, and Geralt doesn’t say. They keep travelling together and Jaskier basks in the glory of knowing exactly what Geralt says about him when the witcher thinks he doesn’t understand. It’s wildly satisfying indeed but only up to a point – until the day Geralt calls him beautiful. Jaskier accepts the compliment with a smile, since it is the truth after all, but he can’t trust his voice to answer. He tries to fight the idiotic hope blooming in his chest and blames the warmth in Geralt’s gaze on the firelight. He reminds himself that Geralt doesn’t see him that way because it’s only women that the witcher’s ever been interested in. Life goes on.

Then his world crashes around him as he hears the words about love leaving Geralt’s mouth. That is when he can’t hold it in anymore and his secret is out. Or both his secrets, really.

It’s so freeing that he’s heady. Or maybe the giddiness can be all on Geralt. Or perhaps on the fact that, when Jaskier bares his heart in the Witcher tongue, it touches the witcher’s heart to its very core. He can feel it, in the way Geralt clings to him, and he already knows he won’t find any words to describe it properly in any language he knows.

That's how he knows it's something worth living and loving for - it means too much for words.

***

A/N: Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it! This fic is also available on AO3. Part 3 is coming, hopefully soon. It will be a 5+1 kind of thing about Geralt and Jaskier using the language. 

Part 3