#someone else who likes to write mental breakdown scenes can write that

[loop-hole-319]

The Way He Fell

When Damian cut Tim's line he wasn't able to save himself.

Inspired by every time I read a fic where Damian cuts Tim's line and I have to go watch the gymnastics scene death from Final Destination.

Every... single... time

"Red Robin. Come in Red Robin."

Barbara had been trying to contact Tim for the last 45. About an hour ago, everyone had finished their patrols and returned to the Batcave. Everyone except Tim that is, who had left Robin to make his way back to the cave by himself. Damian seemed pretty upset about it too. He hadn't said a word since he got back and was kind of zoned out.

So forgive her for sounding a little harsh but she was exhausted and the two bird's petty bickering was driving everyone up the wall. She was really banking on Bruce making them patrol together tonight, would force them to bond. But here she was up an hour later than she planned because someone didn't want to even try to be a good big brother.

Finally she heard the soft crackling of Tim's com channel open.

"RED! Where the hell have you been! I've been trying to contact you for almost an hour! And you ditched Robin! How could you be so irresponsible!" She shouted into the mic.

"I know you two don't get along but you can't just leave him to fend for himself! You were supposed to watch him! Show him the ropes!" She sighed disappointably putting her hand up to her forehead

"I'm sorry" A voice that was discernibly not Tim's spoke from the other end of the line.

"Hello?" She questioned

"I'm sorry" The person was crying and sounded out of breath.

"Sir, are you okay? Why do you have Red Robin's com link?"

"I swear I didn't do it. I was just taking out the garbage." He whispered into the com his voice wobbly from crying.

"Sir, is Red Robin with you?"

The man on the line paused. Something was wrong.

"Yes"

"Sir can you please the com link to Red Robin." Barbara kept her voice steady, trying to ignore the cold pit forming at the bottom of her stomach.

"No" She tensed.

"Sir why can't you give the com link to Red Robin?"

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm -"

For a moment there was only soft choked sobs from the other side of the line, then heavy breathing of trying to get themselves under control. Her entire body was tense, there was something very, very wrong.

"Sir?"

"He's dead."

Ice shot through Barbara's veins

"What?"

"He's DEAD!" The man practically screamed into the mic.

She pulled up Tim's location and sure enough, he hadn't moved from that alley for an hour.

Babs had called Jason at ass o'clock in the morning, gave him some coordinates and told him to go check on replacement. Under normal circumstances he would have bitched and whined at her for waking him up. But something in her voice, maybe it was the poorly hidden fear in her voice that got his ass moving. She had called him because he was the closest and they needed someone at the scene while she woke the others.He only got the alert that Dickwing and Bruce were on their way when he rounded the corner heading into the alleyway.

A young man who couldn't have been more than 25 was sitting up against the wall resting his forehead on his knees. He barely makes out a soft sniff from the guy when he detected the faint stent of blood. Hood bent down, resting a kneepad on the wet street to get closer to the guy. "Hey buddy. You okay?" The kid shot his head up and stared at him, tears still flowing down his face from whenever he had contacted Babs.

How the hell did he contact Babs?

The kid squeezed his legs and looked away. " I'm sorry."

Jason took a moment to take a calming breath. "What are you sorry for kid?"

"He fell."

"Who fell?"

The kid stared straight ahead at the other alley wall for a second, before slowly lifting his left arm and pointing deeper into the alley.

There was a massive puddle of blood and sitting in the center was a familiar cape covering something. Ice flooded Jason's veins at the site of the black fabric. It was a very familiar cape sitting there surrounded by a puddle of blood. Jason up and closed his eyes forcibly pushing down the oncoming panic to allow himself to deal with the civilian.

" All right buddy." He pulled the kid up to his feet and patted him on the shoulder. "Thank you for telling Oracle, you should probably get out of here. You don't want to be here when the rest of the bats show up."

"So here's what you're going to do. You're going to go home and you're not going to tell anybody about this. You were never here, got it?"

The kid stared at him blankly for a second before slowly nodding his head and stepping back out of his grip. Normally he would walk such a shaken up civilian home, but not tonight. Tonight another Robin may have fallen.

He stood over the lump of fabric and lifted the cape. Tim's torso had been folded in half. His spine jutted out for his stomach having torn through his organs and flesh. Shards of his ribs were piercing out his sides and back. Tim lay lifelessly on the floor in front of him folded in half in a grotesque mockery of Dick's acrobatics.

Jason forced himself in a dissociative state as he reached for his com and spoke out the words he promised himself he'd never hear.

"A Fledging has fallen."

If Tim survived this, he was going to blame it on the shock. Not the shock of yet another of his 'brothers' attempted murderers. No, that had become expectation at this point. If anything, he was shocked at how sudden it was and how blatant this attempt was. Although based on the velocity and angle at which he was headed towards the concrete floor of an alley, he was not entirely confident that he could label this an attempt.

He had managed to grab on to a rusted pole that jutted out from the side of the building. It did little to slow his momentum only succeeding at rotating him mid-fall and tossing him further into the alley. He was sure he could have made it if the bar had not snapped at the height of his swing. If he wasn't going to land upside down. If he wasn't going so fast. If damien had not cut his line.

Wind brushed against his face, but this time it wasn't the soft. It didn't feel freeing like flying on a grapple. More like the wind was biting at his face. He never liked doing acrobatics, the thought of Dicks fancy flips had always scared him. Especially now as he's somersaulted through the air hurdling towards the concrete below him while upside down.

His manubrium took the brunt of the force. He could hear the crunch of his ribs as the force of impact slammed his sternum into the ground. Horrific pain shot through his side and chest. He was certain that his entire rib cage had just been crushed. His lungs were most definitely punctured.

His hips, unfortunately still had momentum and were coming down hard. With a sickening crunch his lumbar had been folded in half definitely breaking through the skin of his stomach. His knees slotted over his shoulders and his heels slammed down on either side of his head. Not that he could feel their impact on the cement. He couldn't feel anything from the waist down.

The sound of his spine snapping echoed off the empty alley walls. A horrible gargling sound came from his throat as his lungs automatically stretched open. Trying to pull an oxygen but only taking in blood, creating a horrible gurgling sound.

He could see his fingers twitching from muscle spasms behind his foot. He could feel his blood seeping through his lips and pooling on the ground and the only thing he could do was stare straight ahead. His brain couldn't even send the signal to his eyes to begin crying.

A hot numbness seeped out from the burning sensation at the core of his chest. He couldn't move, most likely paralyzed. Frozen still, forced to watch the pool of blood beneath him grow in size.

He couldn't tell where it was coming from. Although he predicted that a portion of his spine as well as his ribs were jutting out from his back and sides. His throat began to tighten and his lungs burned as they could do nothing but become saturated in his blood and his vision fade to black.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Why do you think they don't show Marinette comforting other characters? It's always been a weird writing decision to me, and I sometimes wondered if I was legit just erasing all the times it happened out of my memory or smth. Like the first character trait established for her is she struggles to say no to people, she is a people-pleaser. And there isn't a better way to make ur mc lovable than showing how they effect the people around them. AND it would make her breakdowns genuinely heartbreaking, because she keeps giving and giving and it's a genuine flaw. Like, she rushed off to comfort Ivan in Origins, right? We should have had more of that. I'm reminded of that one Lady Wifi (i think?) scene where Ladybug is smiling at her adoring fans and the camera while Chat Noir is in the background actually comforting a child lmao. It just feels so weird, because I think Marinette IS actually supposed to be someone who does that, who provides that comfort to her loved ones all the time (even at the cost of her own mental health, boom, an actual thing she can work towards). But we just keep getting the reverse instead. She just kinda feels like a shit friend? Showing that emotional labor would also make her exhaustion work because like, what does the guardian even DO? Tell not show, but they ain't telling shit.

One of the things that drew me to Miraculous is the fact that the show tends to write the characters in non-standard gender roles, so I actually like the fact that Marinette tends to be more of a fixer than a comforter. She drives people to action and wants to solve problems and is very good at taking the weight of the world on her shoulders, but she kind of sucks at emotional vulnerability and comforting people. It's genuinely a good flaw for her character and a lovely thing to see in a show aimed at girls. No, we don't all need to be stereotypically maternal figures. Women can be just as bad as men stereotypically are when it comes to emotions!

The problem is that the show is obsessed with Marinette holding every important role in the story, meaning that we don't get a more emotionally aware character or characters to balance her out. Nor do we get to see her learn that this is a flaw of hers and either improve or just own that she's bad at this and learn to trust someone else with these types of issues. (This is one of the many things I think Adrien should have been allowed to do, btw. Ladybug is the brains, Chat Noir should be the heart.) We also don't get a true sense of Marinette's struggles because the show's formulaic nature rarely allows for those types of problems.

The Lila thing is a good example. Lila says that she's going to destroy Marinette's friendships, but she literally can't do that because that would mean changing the way the characters relate on a massive scale and formula shows can't do that. So instead of seeing Marinette struggle as Lila lies and manipulates everyone into hating Marinette, we get extremely annoying episodes where Lila lies and everyone believes her, but no one gets all that upset at Marinette's constant accusations. They just treat it as a minor quibble which is actually more aggravating than Lila changing the status quo in my opinion.

There's also the issue that you brought up: we don't see Marinette truly struggling to be the guardian, so her new role doesn't feel like a big deal. Not much changes for her save for the kwamis being around now. We don't even know what her relationship with Master Fu was really like because he was barely ever on screen so we really don't feel her loss.

All of this is just another problem to lay at the feat of our ever-present issue: Miraculous does not have the right conflicts and characters for a formula show. Formula shows thrive off of things being lighthearted and the heroes lacking major flaws. Miraculous chose to make things somewhat serious and give everyone flaws that are just begging to be address, but that can't be because this is the wrong format for that type of thing.

In a team show where character arcs were a thing or even just one where character dynamics were a thing and Marinette was allowed to share the screen in a more balanced manner, then everything about her would work fine. She's set up perfectly for that kind of show. She is not set up for a formula show where she's basically the only character that matters outside of the villains. If that's what they wanted to write, then Marinette needed to be limited to minor flaws that never last more than an episode or at least limited to flaws that are purely situational such as being stubborn or the classic sudo-flaw of being clumsy that the show already embraces.

[that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction]

Angsty fight/venting alternate ending

(Part two to this)

For @guiltyscarlet and @aceauthorcatqueen who asked for the angsty ending

CW for major character death. I’m not sure if this counts as dark!Arthur but there is murder scene so mild description of injury. There’s also self destruction from Merlin, possibly self harm, I’m not sure where it falls, and a mental breakdown or two here as well. Also canonical character death right at the end but it’s not graphic.

You’ve all been warned. You’re responsible for your online media consumption so take care of yourselves and don’t read if you think this will negatively affect you.

(Click more for angsty shit.)

I imagine this version to happen around season 5, if it was the hurt/comfort version, I’d say between season seasons 2/3 but the angst needs more time to have the full effect. Merlin is worried because of Mordred and the disir and everything else going on.

After Arthur says “Really. All you do is follow orders. It’s not hard.” Merlin looks over, angry and upset, but when he sees Arthur’s attempt at caring, tears start pooling in his eyes.

Arthur looks startled, unsure what to do, when Merlin looks away, shakes his head and whispers brokenly “Fight me” and it sounds so defeated, like really the last words of a man who’s officially given up. Arthur doesn’t move, and Merlin looks up again, something pleading in his eyes, as he begs, “Fight me. Please.”

Arthur’s in new territory now, their fights have never had anything other than frustration or anger or irritation, occasionally jealousy after that one time where he thought someone was flirting with Merlin Arthur would never admit to. But Merlin seems like he’s just going to use it to get beat up and hurt more. It goes against what they do, and he’s seen Knights fall to similar fates after such things got too far. So Arthur is terrified, he doesn’t want to lose Merlin and doesn’t know how to help so he can keep him.

So he asks “What’s going on?” Breaking the script and throwing Merlin off. Which definitely isn’t something he needs, while he’s that close to a breakdown all he really wants is to remember that the world will keep going forward so he can figure out how to keep going forward too, he really just needs a constant that he can rely on. Arthur’s attitude tends to be a pendulum swing between an array of things depending on multiple factors out of Merlin’s control so he can never figure out what side he’s going to get. So he’s resorted to their fight vents. It’s also not what he needs, but it’s consistent. He can shout or scream, throw a punch, take a punch or two, and then focus on the ache in his muscles instead of the pain in his chest and head.

Merlin doesn’t reply to Arthur’s question, instead he stands up and drops his stance, telling Arthur again to fight him. Arthur knows he isn’t going to get anywhere so he stands up too and as soon as he’s on his feet, Merlin is throwing a punch at him. Arthur manages to partially dodge, taking a hit to his shoulder instead of his face.

It’s right over the questing beast scar, if anyone’s wondering. If I was properly writing this, I’d have a parallel between Arthur’s scars from times Merlin’s saved him and where Merlin is hitting. Probably something about all the times Merlin saved him and how because they’re two sides of the same coin, destroying himself is destroying Arthur too.

Anyway.

Arthur realises how much it hurt, and how Merlin really isn’t pulling any punches now. He starts fighting back, properly defending himself while Merlin dances around him. With each punch there’s choked back sobs or hitches in his breath.

Arthur realises Merlin is crying and tries to help him with something of their normal routine. It helps Arthur, so hopefully it’ll help Merlin too. It doesn’t, of course. But he does try.

He tries taunting Merlin into talking about it, “don’t cry, your fighting skills aren’t that bad.”

Merlin growls through his tears, biting back, “Why? Not worth my tears?” As he attacks viciously and relentlessly.

It confuses Arthur, because that’s what he said about the dragonlord years ago. “You can’t cry over every fallen soldier.” Arthur bites out, dodging a particularly harsh punch aimed at his jaw. And he’s known that lesson for a long time, he kept it with him when he lost young knights while he was still a prince, all his fallen comrades, his best knight, his brother in law, all of them.

“He wasn’t a soldier!” Merlin screamed as Arthur felt his head snap to the side with a punch to his jaw. It’d definitely bruise, but he could blame it on training. “He wasn’t supposed to die!” Another punch knocks Arthur over, “I was supposed to save him!” Merlin jumps on him, and Arthur can barely process that, only just rolling out of the way from instinct alone. Merlin doesn’t move away to come after Arthur, just crumbles on the floor, punching the stone weakly while sobbing.

“It’s my fault.” He says brokenly, “I couldn’t save them, how can I save you?” His body is wracked with sobs, he can hardly see for the tears blurring his eyes, and Arthur is behind him unsure what to do.

Merlin gets a ringing in his ears, sharp and piercing and he can hear his heart beating, breath comes short to him, images of Mordred thrusting a sword into Arthur’s middle playing over and over in his head.

“I- I couldn’t- I can’t-“ he’s clutching at his throat, trying to breathe, trying to think of anything to say, as he scrambles at his neckerchief, he can’t get it off. In a moment of clarity, he desperately cries out, “Arthur?”

Arthur is there, ripping through the fabric and rubbing up and down Merlin’s back to get him to breathe.

“Why is it your responsibility to protect people better equipped to handle dangerous situations than you are?” Arthur asks quietly, not fighting anymore but Merlin shrugs him off.

“They aren’t knights.” He’s gritting his teary and the words have a bite Arthur knows means Merlin isn’t done. “Will, Freya, Balinor, they weren’t knights.” Merlin gets angrier and angrier as he’s speaking, “and I’m not some hopeless wimp like you think I am, Sire.”

Merlin pushes himself up and paces the length of the fire place. “It’s my duty to keep you safe.”

“You’re not a knight!”

Arthur stands up too, yelling in frustration at not understanding what’s going on with Merlin. He’s frustrated at Merlin for being stubborn and at himself for not knowing what to do. Clearly, Merlin wants to fight. Both times he tried letting him speak, Merlin went back to biting and anger and whatever else was left as a result of his pain. Now he’s hopelessly letting Merlin lead him but Merlin isn’t in the mental state to know what he needs.

It’s a new situation for them both, and they’re struggling.

They argue some more, Merlin shoves Arthur back a few times when he’s unintentionally insensitive. “Balinor wasn’t even necessary for defeating the dragon!” “I can protect myself just fine without you cowering behind trees ten feet away!” “William was a sorcerer!”

At some point, Merlin snaps, shoves Arthur back again though not hard enough to fall, and yells that he has magic. Arthur, feeling betrayed and already frustrated from their fight not working, throws a full force, vicious punch. Merlin palms it, and starts yelling about everything he’s done.

Arthur’s getting angrier, and angrier, and angrier. And he isn’t truly angry, he’s hurt, betrayed, confused, lost, afraid, and a billion and one other emotions all at once. But anger is easier to feel, so he defaults to that.

Arthur stars really fighting Merlin, yelling about the lies and “how could he keep this a secret? Why would he lie for ten years?” Merlin doesn’t even have a chance to reply, too busy dodging or minimising the damage Arthur can do. It’s reversed at this point, and Arthur is the one trained to kill with hand to hand.

Merlin is struggling to keep up.

His nose is definitely broken, he’s covered in bruises, his muscles are burning and he’s more focused on just getting Arthur to calm down.

It doesn’t work, and at some point, Merlin ends up pressed against the wall with Arthur pinning him by the throat. Arthur’s still yelling his questions and accusations about Merlin’s magic. It takes a while, he’s pinned and loosing air for a few minutes.

It never even crosses his mind to use it to get away when Arthur starts pressing too hard against his windpipe and Merlin’s vision starts blurring and fading darker.

Arthur notices this and yells at Merlin to defend himself and fight back, Merlin only rasps out, “won’t hurt you,” before going limp. Arthur steps back, and Merlin crumples to the floor.

It’s at that point that he sees Merlin bleeding from a gaping head wound and notices his knuckles broken from where his rings have shattered them during their fight. He panics and pulls off his shirt to press to the head wound.

Arthur is left trying to stop the bleeding, he scoops Merlin up, calls for guards and grabs the first aid kit Merlin made him keep in his rooms a few months after working for Arthur (after the Sophia incident) the guards come in and he immediately sends them to Gaius, starting to stitch Merlin’s head and doing everything he can.

Merlin’s breath is fading and his heart rate is sluggish at best.

It takes another five minutes for Gaius to get there, by that time it’s too late and Merlin is going to die.

Gaius knows this, and the most he can do is give Merlin pain killers, but even if he survives he won’t wake up and he’ll have a few weeks at most of being comatose because of medieval medicine. (This is not historically accurate, but I can’t be arsed with research)

Arthur can’t accept this. He keeps trying to stop Merlin’s bleeding and covering his head in honey to fight infection and anything else that isn’t doing anything. Gaius tries to pull Arthur away but he refuses, and threatens Gaius with execution if he stops Arthur from saving his Merlin.

In the end, Arthur is working on Merlin’s head for two hours before he stops breathing and his heart gives out fully and half an hour after he’s died. Gaius declares Merlin dead and Arthur can do nothing but scream. It takes four knights to hold him down so they can take Merlin’s body away.

Arthur still doesn’t understand why Merlin wanted to fight him, and it takes him a long time to remember anything Merlin said about magic, or Balinor, or protecting Arthur. By the time he remembers, Gaius has left Camelot in his grief so he has no one to ask for answers.

Arthur goes mad, seeking answers from Druids and other magic users, all the stories about Emrys make him believe people are lying to him because Merlin couldn’t be the most powerful sorcerer and not tell him about it. After Merlin lied for ten years, Arthur closes himself off and doesn’t trust anyone. He’s paranoid and in his Paranoia, he’s killed by Mordred who’s angry that Arthur killed Emrys, the golden age doesn’t happen and magic fades from the land.

The end :)

—

Thoughts?? Hope you enjoyed :)

I tried to keep it as mild as I could, if I wrote this properly it’d most likely end up a lot more graphic and with a lot more character analysis and emotional shit. I don’t know what I’m allowed to post on here but this is about as mild as I can make it without loosing any of the important bits.

I could easily write 20-30k of this but I’m not starting anything new at the moment. I might come back to it at some point to turn it into a full fic but it won’t be for a while yet. I’ll see what the dopamine decides when I have time and energy for another project.

[ipatrichor]

dead boy detectives episode four thoughts

hey remember last post where i said last episode gave me everything I wanted. HOW ARE WE FEELING NOW BOYS. WE GOT THE BREAKDOWN!!! THAT MAN HAD AN EMOTIONAL OUTBURST AND COLLAPSED WE LOVE TO SEE IT!!!!!!

okay so i was wrong and charles' dad did not kill him. that's fine tbh I like this a lot, that he was essentially accidentally killed by his friends bc he stood up to them when they were bullying someone (? i think that's what the scene was implying. idk i was really excited about seeing him have a mental breakdown i might have missed something 😭). not to say that what they were doing was an accident, i just don't think they were trying to kill him i think they took the bullying too far and then maybe panicked when he died and covered it up, and that's why his death is unsolved? anyway very interesting! they truly do not miss with charles everything we've gotten from him is so great it makes me even more excited for edwin backstory haha

GOD CHARLES' BREAKDOWN.... that is everything i've ever wanted from a character repressing their emotions do u understand that. he got slammed into some of his worst memories, the most painful and traumatic moments of his life, and then with all those emotions back on the surface he went apeshit!!! i Love him getting aggressive to protect his friends (because that's really what he does, isn't it. he's the brains, i'm the brawn. god.) and then breaking down crying because he can't keep pretending like things are fine anymore, there's too much all at once for him to shrug it off. PHENOMENAL stellar acting stellar writing i love all of this i am eating it like soup!!!

and just. the things he was saying, about how he has to keep being positive he has to keep it together because if he doesn't who will? who else have they got to keep spirits up and stop the group from self-destructing? god it's. so good. i am not going to elaborate on some of that striking a nerve but. god. they gave me everything i wanted to see i love it so much!!! that is everything i hoped for from this story beat you understand!!!!

i wonder if maybe jenny is going to get an episode? or like a b-plot focused on her, something like that. the love letters seem like a plot thread that's going to be pulled on later, it just doesn't seem like this show to establish a mystery and then have it only be a background detail. we'll see tho ^^ i love jenny, i'd love to see more of her she's so fun. reminds me of a friend of mine tbh so i am biased, but also i deeply appreciate a woman with knives on a societal and also personal level 👍

okay can i just say. the night nurse (thank u noble for telling me her name <3) is kind of an asshole right. like i don't think she's evil she's doing a very necessary job, but it's actually delightful how ruthless she is about it. oh these two souls are refusing to move on? throw them into their worst traumas and the most painful moments of their lives to convince them there's nothing worth staying on earth for. sure, it's cruel, but who cares? it's efficient, and that's what matters. these are just children acting out to her, who don't understand the importance of what she does to keep everything in order. i love ruthless characters, and she's done so well she's so fun to watch

also. i do not think this is the last we've seen of her. like yeah she got fed to a sea monster but also she's literally from the afterlife and can travel back to earth wherever as long as she gets the permits. so. i think they bought some time, but that won't last long and they're still stuck in the town so i think she's far from done with them, and we'll see her again probably sooner rather than later (especially since she knows where they're staying)

crystal. my girl. beloved. PLEASE stop almost dying every episode it's bad for my blood pressure. you don't understand you're a living person which means they can kill you while still having you as a character on the show by making you become a ghost. you and niko don't have that safety net Please be more careful 😭

we got some really interesting lilith lore this episode, and it's got me thinking. a goddess of blood and wronged women... what about esther? she's been kidnapping and killing little girls, is that not wronging them? has it just not caught up to her yet because she's been making sacrifices, and if so what happens now that the squad has stopped her from kidnapping more kids? is she on some kind of time limit? this is So interesting I am deeply intrigued by the possibilities here...

the cat king was... there. okay i will admit the scene where he shapeshifted into monty and then charles was interesting. the implications are Fascinating, especially the order- he shifts into monty first and only briefly, but it doesn't seem to affect edwin until he shifts into charles. and then, edwin seems almost entranced until the yellow eyes show through which is. there are certainly implications! idk if it means anything besides instinctively trusting charles more bc they've known each other longer or something like that- especially considering this is netflix we're talking about, but then again the show got cancelled so maybe things did get gay! they've also set up edwin possibly having a crush on monty, or at least being unsure how he feels about him so. no idea but i am Keeping An Eye On That 👀

also. him saying he's never really been interested in/seen the appeal of kissing but now isn't sure whether it's something he wants... clutching grayro/demiro edwin to my chest. this is mine now he's one of us 👍

speaking of edwin, his moment there with niko at the end was really sweet. they're watching scooby doo together 😭 it's the perfect blend of their interests bc it's a detective cartoon.... their friendship is so cute holy shit. the simplicity and genuineness of their dynamic is so sweet, how edwin praises niko's detective work (telling her she's good at something very important to him!) and niko offers a listening ear without judgement as he works through what looks like it's shaping up to be a sexuality crisis. they mean so much to me... they're friends your honor!!!!

oh also charles and crystal kissed. idk man i don't have many thoughts on that. good for them 👍 I think the framing was sweet, in that the show sets up the kiss as the 'something real' crystal wants, but i will admit that part of me is disappointed because i wanted crystal and niko to get together. idk i thought they balanced each other out well, with crystal being subtle where niko is blunt and niko having hope where crystal is cynical, but. that's fine. i wasn't super invested. it's fine. no lesbians for me i guess... sad! oh well

all silliness aside, this episode was yet another Banger they simply do not miss!! the lighthouse ghost was such a fun character, and i love niko's kindness shining through again as she offers edwin red sea glass for courage and the walrus man green sea glass for emotional stability after telling him how she found the washerwoman. niko sasaki the woman that you are.... anyway i'm starting the next episode and then afterwards we'll see how i feel i might need to break for dinner lol

[blond-jerk-tourney]

Champagne Bracket: Round 3, Poll 1

Propaganda from submitters Under Cut

Yoshiya "Joshua" Kiryu

He’s a bitch and a hate (love) him. I will now quote him below: "Sigh... I don't do the whole sweating thing, Neku." "Very impressive, Neku. Show those fifth graders who's boss." "Who needs other people's values? It's easier to just live by your own rules." "Oh! I can't say I'm particularly interested, but... I'll go ahead and ask, for the sake of convenience. Do you have a name?"

Smug asshole. Always playing mind games with the player character. Has many secrets but never shares them. Also did a bunch of spoilery shit.

Byakuya Togami

Very elitist, constantly calls others "commoners", talks about how he is gonna kill someone and get out of the killing game, hangs up a corpse and writes a message with their blood on the wall because he already knows the murderer but wants to see who is smart, complains the other students left him out even though he made sure to tell them every time that he wants nothing to do with them, pretty sure he screams in the 4 chapter " How can you know something I don't know?!", the only reason he doesn't qualify as a villain is cus he doesnt kill someone and in the end works with the rest of the survivors. He also constantly wants the protagonist to tell the rest what he knows

he's mean and self-centered and sees himself as above everyone else.

such a cunt 😭 doesnt eat breakfast w everyone and spends all his time in the library. (also he tampered with a crime scene but spoilers)

His title is literally, get this, "ultimate affluent progeny" Fucking look at him /hj Treats everyone as inferior in every way, even when they're trying to solve a murder he goes "how did YOUUU figure this out before MEEE???? >:0" Constantly has an "Me vs. Them" mentality about everything so he feels the need to prove himself to be superior - Messes with crime scenes because it would "make them more interesting" (purposefully incriminating someone else, who he didn't like) Actual quotes by him: "I'm only here to get breakfast. I have neither need nor desire to talk to you. Now withdraw." "You're like a child lost in the woods, you know that? A total waste of space." "You know, I still just can't believe it... That an uneducated, brain-dead, useless piece of garbage like you has survived this long." "You have only yourself to blame—you came to me with your tragic little story. I didn't ask you to. This is the real world, not some romantic fantasy fairytale."

This rich mf… He spends the entire game being a snobby, condescending, uncaring asshole. He becomes relatively nicer by the end but never stops being a dick. He also desecrated a corpse once for funsies. He’s also stupid but he doesn’t know that. I both like and hate him. It’s complicated.

He's an heir to a wealthy family corporation and he sure does act the part. He acts like he's better than everyone else and thinks they're not worth his time. He's just a huge asshole. (SPOILERS) He tampers with a murder scene just for fun and outs another student's secret alter, knowing full well it was irrelevant to the case. He also has a small breakdown about being wrong in another trial. By the end, he becomes a bit more likeable and kinda a tsundere that pretends like he doesn't care about the other survivors (but he totally does). Still very much an asshole though. He's a fucked up lil guy and something about him draws me to him. I would kick his rich bastard shins IRL given the chance, however.

He is emotionally detached from his classmates…

why you should vote byakuya "tell em naegi" thanks for watching like and subscribe

[yanderepuck]

Hi! Can I get an angst/comfort fic of Arthur with a female s/o who is depressed and suicidal? Like he walks in on his s/o c*tting while having a mental breakdown? Or he just notices the cuts/scars? Or he walks in on his s/o bl33ding out?? Idk you can get creative with it I’ve just been having an extremely rough couple months. If this makes you uncomfortable then you can just ignore this request, but thanks anyways! I hope you have a great day/night!! <3

SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG. I was so focused on Charles that I couldn't work on anything else.

BUT I LOVE WRITING THIS KINDS OF STUFF BC ITD ALSO MINI THERAPY FOR ME

THAT BEING SAID!!!!! READER!!! YOU READ THE ASK!! YOU ARE AWAY OF THE TRIGGERS IN THIS FIC!!!

I highly appreciate when you guys interact and reblog my fics. But I also completely understand why not everyone can read this kind of material.

He notices everything. Everything but the important parts. But to be honest. You aren't quite sure if you want him to notice.

You have mini arguments with yourself about wanting him to know wanting anyone to know. You just want someone to know how much pain you are in. But then there's the side that says that no one can know. No one can find out.

Even if he were to bring it up you would probably just deny it.

You keep your sleeves down. You make sure you are the only one in the thermae. You're just glad it isn't summer. You can get away with saying it's a bit chilly in the mansion.

Every morning you slap a smile on your face, and the moment you get to your room the whole act drops.

You just recently relapsed. Under your sleeves your forearms are covered in bandages. Arthur keeps getting close and wrapping his arms around you, telling you how the two of you should go back to his room.

You tell him that it's that time of the month and even though he's a vampire, you say that you aren't comfortable with it, and would rather sleep alone.

Without much of a care you go to your room. You gave him a peck on the cheek and that was it. Needless to say it wasn't a very convincing excuse.

You loved him, you really did. But right now you wanted to be alone. No. That's a lie. You don't want to be alone, but you feel like you should be alone, like you deserve to be alone.

You take your shirt off and unravel the bandages around your arm. They still look fresh.

You grab the razor blade you hide in your nightstand drawer along with a towel that is so very bloody. You sit on your bed and fiddle with the blade while you look down at your arm.

Where to do it? You don't want to cross over cuts. You aren't trying to kill yourself just yet so you don't want to get too close to the vein.

There's not much room left. But then you look beyond your arm. Your thighs.

You get your skirt off and start poking at your thigh with the edge of the blade wondering how hard you should press. Would any area be more pleasurable than another?

One way to find out.

The first cut is small and fairly shallow. Just a test.

The second cut is the same length but a little deeper. Now there's some blood.

The third cut got it just right.

The fourth. The fifth. The tenth. The eighteenth.

You realize you might have gone overboard. You didn't mean for this many, but it's a fresh spot. It needs to be covered.

Blood is dripping down your leg.

You are just about to wipe yourself with the towel when there's a knock at the door. Panic sets in.

Did you lock it? The scene of you walking in quickly plays through your head and you don't think you did.

"Give me a mo-"

You don't get a chance to finish and the door is being pushed open. You're just in your bra and underwear. You can't even cover yourself. You're stuck.

"I made you some tea and brought some-"

Arthur cut you off, and the sight in front of him got him speechless. Imagine. Arthur speechless.

The blade is in one hand, the bloody rag in the other, and tears in your eyes. This isn't how he should have found out. You aren't ready.

Arthur drops the tray he was holding and the tea and sweets make a mess on the floor. He rushes over to you and takes the blade from your hand.

You're frozen. You don't even realize he's talking to you, or that he's even touching you. You only snap out when he has his hands on your cheeks and he kisses you.

Tears rolling down his face. "Love....w..why didn't you tell me."

He's panicking with you, but for very different reasons.

"I... I..."

You don't have an answer. You don't have one. What are you supposed to tell him? That it feels good? That it makes you feel alive? That this is better than being a numb empty shell? This is your boyfriend in front of you.

Arthur gets some of his senses back and takes your shirt from the floor and presses it against your thigh to soak up and to stop the blood. The last few got deep. You started to get used to the new flesh.

He kisses you again. "Please say something," he keeps one hand on your cheek so you would look at him.

Your head was in his direction, but your eyes weren't. They were down. Not looking at anything in particular.

"I... I'm sorry," your voice cracks and the tears start. It's like a damn broke.

"Shhh. I'm here now," he lifts the shirt to see how the bleeding is, but then puts the shirt right back over the cuts.

"Everything is going to be okay now," he brushes the hair out of your face and behind your ear. He is now noticing the cuts on your forearm. He doesn't point them out but you can feel his eyes on them.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry," the tears come out harder. Using the back of your hand you try wiping them away.

"Here," h takes your hands and puts them on the shirt. "Keep those there while I go get some things, okay?"

Arthur's hands are stained red. He doesn't want to leave you but he wants to clean your wounds. He leaves and gathers the items he needs as quickly as he can. Paying no attention to anyone he might pass.

He wasn't gone long, and this time he closed the door when he came in.

You still have your hands on the shirt, sobbing. The scene didn't change. He slowly removes your hands and the shirt. With a clean damp towel he gently wipes your thigh to get rid of the extra blood.

"It's going to be okay," he talks softly and he isn't sure if it's for him or for you. "I'll make it all better."

He cleans up your thigh and pats it dry before putting an ointment on it. He isn't sure how well it will stay but he wraps a bandage around it as well. Kissing it once it's wrapped.

Then he looks at your arm and repeats the process. He never once asks why. That's not the right question right now.

By the end of it, he is covered in your blood but it doesn't phase him at all. He goes through your clothes and finds that one big comfy shirt that you like.

"Let's get this on," he puts it over your head and then realizes you will probably be comfier without the bra. He reaches around and unhooks it, helping you slip your arms out of the straps and though the arm holes of the shirt.

He can tell you're exhausted. Mentally and physically. He was going to do everything for you that he possibly could. He tosses your bra to the side and pulls the shirt all the way down.

"Let's lay down," he helps you down. You just about stopped crying, and now you feel even emptier than before. There's almost no life in your eyes.

"I love you," he tells you softly. His heart is still racing. His face is still wet. But he was going to do everything for you.

You reach out and grab his hand, holding it tightly, not wanting to be alone.

"Please... Please don't leave."

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere," he kisses the back of your hand. "Let me clean up and I will lay with you, alright love?"

You don't want to let his hand go, but you trust him. You trust him more than anyone else that he wouldn't leave you like this.

He gives a weak smile and starts to clean up the floor, gathering your clothes, and cleaning up the tray he dropped. He just sets everything to the side.

He takes his own shirt off and adds it to the bloody pile before turning the lights off and crawling in bed with you.

He stays close, but enough to give you space. You weren't in the right headspace to have the talk right now, and he knew that. He would leave it for the morning.

"I love you more than anything," he kisses your cheek and holds your hand. "I would do anything for you."

"I... I'm..."

"Shh... We don't need to talk about it now. I just need you to rest. Doctors orders."

You simply nod your head. With all the crying, and panicking, you felt yourself getting exhausted.. you closed your eyes and tried to think of absolutely anything else to fall asleep.

[brisquad-unit-4402]

okay lots of post-minotaur thoughts. i really should’ve liveblogged but Whatever, these are very disorganized because i’m hopping in-between different parts of the movie as well as the 3d celebration zatsu

i think a lot of folks have picked this up: this is the vtuber bo burnham inside

the entire time i watched this i was like “man how come i can’t have an expansive mind palace to roam within”

bc uhhh. idk if this is the same for you or anyone else out there. but when i think about myself doing something it’s in first person, never actually my imagination conjuring up a Unit 4402 doing the something

and that sidetracked me so hard during how to get away with murder bc MAN i wish whenever i had mental breakdowns over my character i could imagine myself as a quirked up unit 4402 with a little bit of swag busting it down sexual style while i have 4 clones of myself goated with the sauce

i’ve never seen the joker but i’m pretty sure the how to get away with murder dance is vtuber joker dance

it is so awkward watching the post 3d zatsu rn and seeing people in chat miss the point

especially bc i think the thing that most got to me and affected me was the classroom scene. such a relatable foundation, especially for people like us, the nightmare of Being Wrong in front of everyone else and an authority who are in the loop and you’re the only one out

like. that’s actually insidious. incredibly effective way to deliver the ugly parts of the job: who doesn’t want to know everything about what they love even if parasocial. i’m sure we can all recognize the boundaries of how to interact with streamers and i do hope if you’re on my blog it’s with respect to the streamers, but the intrusiveness, lack of privacy, goddamn. the conditioning of vox sitting at the desk as soon as he can

i really do think the horse is the most british thing i’ve ever seen

i… am trying very hard not to be pretentious about the horse, and i am trying very hard not to be praising a vtuber because the initial reaction is to praise them innately, but i really do think that is peak surrealism and i could make a full post on this scene alone. like, on a metatextual level. times new roman 12pt double spaced d-o-n-t t-e-s-t m-e

ok update i’ve been informed about the peter the horse is here meme. i stand by my words

i’m going to be real i’m replaying the first scene a lot just because i… really cannot understand this without subtitles

i know we’re all laughing along with every cowboy luca line but we need to recognize the understated champion: shu “naw”

WAIT IM SKIPPING THROUGH SOME SCENES TO CATCH THINGS IVE MISSED. THE FUCK YOU MEAN THE TAKEOUT BOX IN HIS FRIDGE IS CHICKEN DICKNOCKERS

also oooooh. i get it now. “sometimes i wonder what it would be like if i didn’t care all that much” is a driving line for the film. everything that unfolds is a consequence OF caring too much and just enough. the fact that the bed’s been made and he has to lie in it. by the end this line doesn’t matter because he’s learned to accept his nature. and if you wanted to get paradoxical he’s learned to not care about that line

i wish i understood the words in lyrics the first time i hear them. someone give me a transcript, i’ll be unstoppable then

the second i saw the text for Inside A Demon’s Soul (Whenever Vox Akuma Devours A Human Soul, This Is Where They Go) i paused. sat there. and laughed so hard because that is maybe the easiest meme format i’ve ever seen in the the same way as everything everywhere all at once rock scene. put a white shape over the text, write down the time stamp. now you have a banger man standing that follows the standard top text bottom text base formula

when he stood up in the forest at the beginning of the labyrinth i really did see a minecraft Vox_Akuma joined the game banner in my mind’s eye

vox please drop the ost as soon as possible i need he who waits eternity and how to get away with motherfucking murder in my playlists asap

also how to get away with murder reminds me a little introvert by little simz. hard to describe, i think it’s because they both sound so spacious and be these long, introspective songs that never really Feel like they’re dragging on because of all the beat changes and stuff, you know? vox’s rap isn’t helping

i cannot end this post without talking about

THE INDOMITABLE FULGUR OVID BABYYYYYY

the way i furrowed my brow the SECOND i saw that hand

the way i yelled the second i saw his face

hehe. despite everything i am dearly a comfydant. i can’t think of anyone better than fuuchan for the beach scene, i’m so grateful he’s here

i mentioned “sometimes i wonder what it would be like if i didn’t care care all that much.” i now raise you “of course it matters, it matters to you… brother the only thing that would make you a bad person is letting that stop you from doing any good things”

and of course the hug

idk what to say about the hug. it’s very needed. and from fuu of all people who understands integrating lore and streaming, understands the divide, pretended to beef with vox only to become one of his close friends, i really can’t imagine it with anyone else

do you guys think box tenshi is Apathy. i think i’ll need to sit on it for a bit but i’m seeing some threads about how tenshi is what happens when that takes over and vox chooses not to care about the people he’s hurt for his own comfort. after all his character is entirely on balancing the little delights and missteps of humanity, and the nature of a predator demon. i’m sure i could elaborate later on

should i, like, be critical…? because i do have things that i’m critical about, but this was a very delightful watch and it’s changed me fundamentally

i like vtubers because of the balance between fantasy and real and this movie very much does cater from that. all media requires the suspension of disbelief but with the way minotaur is delivered it kind of toys with Suspension of Disbelief as in-verse environment, too. fandom, anti, and collective opinion are their own characters in this movie and that just cannot be captured in a medium like fictional, scripted entertainment, you know… it’s very bo burnham inside. but the difference is that inside is everyday people would assume these expectations. as vtuber watchers we’ve full-on experienced the good and bad ourselves. i mean… how many times have you said your opinion on vox online. seems someone act weird in chat. i write fanfiction, i contribute to expectation too because i participate in fandom. that’s just the natural effect of being an internet personality, so the least we can do is be respectful of it and be critical of ourselves so we can maintain that respect to each other and the streamer

but i guess that’s preachy of me vox illustrated the point on his own wonderfully

i could do cornell notes on this movie

[iwonderwh0]

Finally, I met a person with a similar opinion about Daniel, I hope you don’t mind me writing to you, I just want to talk to someone about him. I recently remembered about dbh and decided to delve deeper into this fandom, I liked Daniel because I like crazy and jealous characters so I wanted to read content about him and … it ruined my enjoyment of his character, I was surprised how much people are dismissive of what he did, many people justify that because of his new emotions, Daniel made a lot of hasty and bad decisions, well, maybe that's true, but it still doesn't change his actions, he had a choice to run away, but no, he chose violence and murder, he took Emma hostage and threatened to kill her, although he loved her, no, I think he really loved her, but at that moment he didn’t care about Emma’s safety, he just wanted to hurt someone harm at that time

It also outrages and annoys me when I see how in fanfiction where there is a scene that Emma forgives Daniel for what he did, no, just no, if Emma had ever met Daniel, she would have had a mental breakdown and a panic attack, she would never forgive Daniel, he killed her father, and almost killed her, this girl is completely traumatized because of him, even if Daniel sincerely repents, no amount of “sorry” will bring back John, will not bring back the dead policemen, who were sure to have family and friends, no one will restore healthy psyche of Emma and Caroline, Daniel destroyed everything irrevocably, there is no chance of forgiveness and redemption, for this reason, it infuriates me how people too easily treat Emma's trauma as if it doesn't matter

Also I don't like how people demonize John and Caroline, especially John, honestly we don't know what kind of people they were before the disaster because we only get glimpses of them, maybe they weren't very good people or not, but in anyway, it annoys me that all people think that Philips are to blame for everything, although they just wanted to buy a new android, they had no idea that Daniel actually felt something, although I have a theory that John and Caroline noticed that, something what's wrong with Daniel, and his behavior, he was too human, or did things that androids don't usually do, that's the reason they decided to replace Daniel, because of concern, but that's just a theory, anyway, people oversimplify things, making it seem like it's all Phillips' fault, and being too protective of Daniel

Thanks you reading, I needed someone to talk to about this because I felt like I was the only person who thought that Daniel was an asshole, I still have thoughts, but this won’t fit anymore, so I can write something else if only you are interested, of course

YES, YES TO ALL THIS

Man, I feel you, I was so damn frustrated when I went through their tags and saw it over and over again. This absolutely offensive absurd idea of some reconciliation, constant demonisation of John and Caroline and woobification of probably the most radically hateful and destructive character of the whole game. I swear, one of the absolute worst takes I've seen in this fandom were about Daniel and Emma. And it hurts my soul how people seem to refuse to empathise with Emma and Caroline for even one moment, because if they did, I don't believe those tags would look like they are. But well, this fandom is seeing exactly what David Cage presented – really black&white picture of that game world. "People bad androids good"

Btw, I tag them here as "#dbh emma" and "#dbh daniel" if you wanna go through more tags in which it's more similar to your view. I have quite a few posts under those tags, sometimes independently, and sometimes "dbh caroline" as well

Also, I have a really similar headcanon to yours! If you were to post a list of your headcanons about Phillips's and Daniel, I'd be curious to see it.

[whysamwhy123]

✨Fic Writing Review 2023✨

Tagged by the wonderful dynamic duo that is @aerodaltonimperial and @perhapswhoknowsvamp and it's very fitting that those two lovely people tagged me because they're a big reason why I wrote much of anything this year! Took me a while to get this done because I wanted to get my last fic of the year out the door first. I'll put the rest below the cut, and fair warning - it's loooooong. This bitch doesn't shut up, so I rambled on. A lot.

Words and Fics

76, 222 words published on AO3 in 2023

15 fics published on AO3 (16 if you count that one kinkmeme prompt I filled and posted anonymously)

2 little tumblr ficlets

Top 3 by Kudos

Voice in the Dark - Hookhausen (not super surprising, considering it was a popular pairing at the time, and it was the fic I wrote for the anniversary event)

Kids These Days And Their Darn Phones - Hookhausen

Half Your Age Plus Seven - OrangeHook (I continue to be incredibly surprised how well this fic did, like...huh?!)

Top 3 by Hits

Voice in the Dark - Hookhausen

Voice in the Dark, Part Two - Hookhausen (how fitting, LOL)

Half Your Age Plus Seven - OrangeHook (Seriously, what was it about this fic that drew people in? More so than any of my other OrangeHook fics? Like, I'm grateful and all but also confused, like this fic is way too long?! And weird about the age difference?!)

Author's Favourite

As much as I'm loving writing OrangeHook now, I think Voice in the Dark, Part Two is probably the best thing I've written? Even though it's also overly long and gets weird at the end (very much did not expect it to go in that direction when I started writing it), I'm actually pretty proud of how that one turned out. I had a clear vision in my head for how each scene would play out and what I wanted to get across, and man, I remember how most of the Hook/Evilhausen dialogue popped into my brain late one night when I couldn't sleep, so I spat it out into a doc and then about a month later when I actually wrote the scene, I don't think I changed a single word? I just added everything else around it, all the not-dialogue parts. And it was just a lot of fun getting to carry on that story, especially as someone who hasn't managed to crank out a proper multi-chapter fic yet. Who knows, maybe I'll return to that world someday...

Fandom Events in 2023

Uh, well, I guess I did the whole Hookhausen Anniversary thing? And...that's about it. I'm pretty disconnected from the fandom at large, whoopsie daisy 😬

Upcoming Projects

Hoo boy.

I have over 5k words of a Ricky/Christian Sugar Baby AU thing written already. I haven't posted it because it kinda needs some smut and that's still not something I can really do. I might post it someday, if I can make something work, or alternatively do what I normally do and put an annoying fade to black in there. Or maybe I'll think better of it and never post it because it's very self-indulgent and I highly doubt anyone else would really be interested or want me to continue it or anything. But I have Ideas for it...so many ideas...

Also, in my ill-fated quest to try and make myself write smut, I kinda started a Ricky/Bill championship celebration fic. Maybe I'll revisit that? Try to get it done?

And then there's that one fic I really want to work on, but have barely started. I've vague-posted about it here before - it's an incredibly fucked-up Dead Dove fic about Daniel Garcia and a Very Bad, Not-Good thing that happens to him, and the subsequent complete mental breakdown that follows. I've had the idea rattling around in my brain for the better part of a year at this point, despite not making much actual progress on it. Every time I think about it though, I have new ideas for scenes or dialogue. I'd like to make it work, but I don't know if I have the writing chops to handle it, plus it would probably end up being super long and nobody would want to read it, so it'd feel like a huge waste of time on my part? And I've had the idea for so long, it's out-dated too. But still, the urge remains...

Oh, and I still have a ton of OrangeHook ideas I'd like to make happen. Some are, of course, about their age difference. Some would (ideally) involve smut. And others... *nervous laughter* Others would likely result in an ''Everyone disliked that'' situation...

Writing Reflection

I was thinking about making a sappy post about this and whoops, here's my excuse! I don't talk a lot on here about my tragic backstory because honestly, who cares? But I will say this - before January of this year, I hadn't written a word of anything in years. Fic or otherwise. I used to love writing, but Stuff Happened and it killed all enjoyment I got out of it, and I thought that's how it would be forever. Then, for reasons I can't even remember, I started reading fic again, specifically in this wild little fandom of ours, and y'all are just so talented that it made my untalented ass want to give it another shot. So...I did.

I remember when I posted my first fic in ages back in January, I thought ''Maybe about three people will read this and no one will leave a comment or anything, but whatever, I wrote a thing and that's something I haven't done in years so that's enough for me!'' And to be honest, I still think that whenever I post stuff now? It's crazy to me that anyone actually reads my stuff and gets some kind of kick out of it. But every kudos and comment floors me and brings me so much joy, I can't even express it properly. I have to say a huge thank you to anyone who's ever read one of my fics, left kudos or dropped a comment. Whoever and wherever you are, you made my day!

And look, I ain't delusional. I know that calling myself a small fish in the fandom would be too generous. But I'm fine with that - because I'm genuinely enjoying writing again and that's what matters most to me. Even though I've also rediscovered how stressful writing can be (🙂🙂🙂) when it comes down to it, there's joy and happiness in my life that wasn't there last year and that's all because I started writing again. And because some lovely folks here decided to let me know they liked what I was throwing out there. The years have not been kind to ol' Sammy Sam-Sam and this year was no exception, but getting to forget about all that shit and write my silly little wrestling fanfiction has been a great distraction and a comfort through this whole year.

So...yeah. Thanks to everyone who's ever commented on my writing, thanks to the folks who follow me on here (I don't know how you manage that though, I'm such an annoying bitch, aren't you sick of me yet?) and thanks to anyone who I've had the chance to chat with about writing and ships and whatever silly little ideas pop into my head (any of y'all feel free to message me at any time, I am always down to blab about whatever blorbos/ideas take your fancy). I'm hoping I can keep this train a-rollin' a little more next year. Still thinking back to when I started writing again, I made my new AO3 account expecting to write Dustjim only, but then I quickly decided I couldn't write those two well enough, and since then I've bounced around a bunch of different pairings, with a few rarepairs shoved in between for good measure. God only knows where my head will be at this time next year, LOL. I'd love to finally be able to attempt some of the bigger ideas I've been cooking up for a while now. Maybe I'll even write a proper multi-chapter fic? We'll see, but this bitch can dream, at least.

Rules:

Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please do eat glass, I’ve heard it’s good for your gums.

I'm not going to tag anyone because I'm pretty sure everyone I know who writes has already been tagged? So if you're reading this and you haven't, go ahead and do it! By which I mean, eat glass. Eat all the glass that you want. Accidents happen in the dark.

[vitospaghetta]

Hi there!

Sorry to barge in on your inbox like this but i was very intrigued by your post about Leon's flirting with Shen Mei. And I'll just start by saying i agree. I loved the breakdown because as much as i love Leon i also love the fact that he's not flawless.

I just think that people let Leon's compassionate nature cloud their perception on him a bit and it's fine, y'know? It's a perception albeit different still, everyone's entitled to different opinions and such. I just think that the way you put it simply a desperation born out of loneliness makes perfect sense and isn't out of the place either. I'm sure Leon would want to have a genuine connection and a relationship with someone. Were the circumstances different. But to put it simple it's... a human tragedy. The only people that ever genuinely seemed to look out for him or care about him were taken out of the story after a single title or just died in the most tragic circumstances. Yes I'm looking at RE4R's Ashley (written out), Luis and Krauser.

But all that said, i also like that there are two separate timelines now that are both considered canon. So people can choose. And for this case alone I'm just gonna say i prefer the writing of the remakes. Which makes me wonder if the CGI movies now only stand for OG canonicity due to the writing and everything.

Regardless if you're interested on explaining the timeline I'd be happy to read it. I loved your breakdown of Leon in that one scene from ID alone. ✨

Yes! I saw people vague-posting and complaining about my post, as if Leon's sex life comes at the cost of his morality. I think people also just took what they wanted out of it and deliberately misinterpreted it. Like.. people are free to think what they want and I'm not claiming my analysis is the supreme truth, but it's very clear that some folks openly reject the idea of Leon being imperfect in ways that aren't pretty because they'd rather focus strictly on his compassion.

Compassion like his comes at a cost, and that's something we've seen throughout the franchise. i.e. Leon giving up his freedom for Sherry in RE2, or him being fully willing to sabotage his relationship with Claire at the end of Infinite Darkness over the data chip because he doesn't want agents to go after her, or him not clearing his name by turning Helena in to the authorities in RE6. Leon's compassion is the whole reason why I came to the conclusion I did about the scene with Shen Mei, because he is absolutely the type of person who would suffer a life of loneliness willingly just to avoid hurting anyone else.

I think it's also just the common mentality that mental health issues are only ever tolerated when they're pretty. If Leon's just a sad wet rat of a guy whose flaws never impact another person and he's only ever a detriment to himself (which seems to be the general consensus people come to when they analyze/think of RE4R Leon), then it's okay. But mental health issues are notoriously ugly.

Men are also notoriously fucking annoying, and unfortunately for everyone, OG Leon's got just a sprinkling of that fuckboi flavor. Real human pest energy. That half-serious "soooo...?" is a testament to that. What we should actually focus on is how nicely he accepts rejection lol. What an American hero!!!!

Also in regards to the CGI movies - I mentioned this in the last ask I answered, but the CGI movies exist within the original timeline and aren't made to hold up with the remakes for the sake of continuity.

[masked-disciple]

Turnabout is fair play! What have you been working on of late? :D

All right, I survived posting however many cyworlds that was so now I get to answer an ask. :p

Right now, I'm not actually working on anything: I probably wrote 250-400k of words in the past year (likely higher, I'd have to sit down and total it all) and I realized right around mid-November that I was quickly reaching burnout: writing was getting difficult, even when I had ideas, and I just felt exhausted.

So I speedran the rest of NaNoWriMo, finished on day 23 (the year before, I kept writing and landed with 70k, which was insane, this year I just tapped out once I hit 50k), and I haven't actually written anything since.

But, that doesn't mean I'm done writing! I'm just putting it on the backburner atm. When I get back into the swing of it, I want to finish off (read: do the second half of) my NaNo from a couple months ago, Turnabout Runaways, which is mostly focused on the Ace Attorney side of Sagiverse except for where it isn't. (There's a good chunk of Aethelian stuff in there, and I do absolutely intend to write the Saint Seiya fic in there. Just... once I get there, because I have to adjust the plot of that one to account for Myncroft Walden, who was absolutely alive during it, and that'll shift the plot a bit.)

Like the other big fics I've done this past year, it's an anthology, so I've mostly been just compiling oneshots. The major theme is obviously that each fic is about running away (mostly literally). It's going to keep the anthology theme of having interludes / prologues to each fic, but it also has the fun addition of every fic being split into three 'scenes', and every fic opening with lyrics from a Sirinnkata song!

(The Sirinnkata are a fictional band in Sagiverse, as well-known as the Beatles and surrounded by the mystery of why the two frontmen vanished off the face of the planet four hundred years ago after both of them had a very public mental breakdown. I've genuinely enjoyed telling their story exclusively through their music, which is funny because I can't write music to save my life.)

This is the entirety of my notes, minus Sirinnkata lyrics, for what's left. (The crossed out part on the right are the fics that are done.) Runaways is shaping up to be a lot longer than the three previous anthologies, so it may have to be split into two volumes, but like... that's a problem for future Pale, when I get back into the swing of things.

In the meantime, I've been organizing files, so uh - if you're reading this, Wavy or someone else, the next hundred and fifty or so posts on your dash is just me being queueblocked from posting Cyworlds. Sorry. ^^; (It's either rebageling cyworlds or sorting my DGS fanart folder until I can do my Neopets dailies, and there's fourteen hundred files in that folder. I'm doing my best here. :p)

[forgottenluck]

Mobile Friendly Rules

Please follow the following rules, and warnings that go along with this blog. If you ignore these warnings, these rules, and make a fuss about what I rp, or who I rp with, then you will be blocked. I make these statements very clear as to not cause confusion.

This is a semi-active, slow replies, Mutuals ONLY blog for an extreme (borderline OC) AU version of Yuri Lowell from Tales of Vesperia. 90% of the time I likely will rp him as an OC, but I would love to explore the other vesperia characters with him.

This blog will have mentions of depression, mental breakdowns, panic attacks, and other dark topics. If any of these are something you wish to not interact with, then this blog is not for you. Continue interacting at your own risk.

While I try to tag triggers, I sometimes forget, or don't realize that something is a trigger. If you would like something tagged, please let me know!

It is okay for minors to interact with me. My blog will not contain any nsfw sexual content. (any such scenes will be fade to black or vaugely explained due to my personal trauma).

Reiteration of above point, there will be NO SMUT on my blog. Romantic relationships are absolutely fine, even encouraged because I'd love to explore that. But any writing more than kissing gets put into the fade to black corner. I am not comfortable writing indepth actions due to personal trauma.

Do not, under any circumstance, take control of my character without my consent. My writing style depends heavily on their own mind and actions, so taking control of my character without notifying me first OOC is a big red flag.

Please communicate with me OOC! I need communication via muns so that I know what i’m doing isn’t taken the wrong way. I have had these issues in the past, and would like to avoid repeats. (If we've hit it off on here, and talk consistently, feel free to ask for my discord! I'm not super great at keeping up conversations, but i can try and I'd love to get to know people better!)

I do not mind becoming affiliates! However, this will happen organically. If we talk a lot OOC and rp a lot, then I likely will affiliate with you and make you a Main. Do not ASK to be mains.

I reserve the right to rp with whoever I wish. I do not pick sides. I will not choose one over the other. If you attempt to make me choose either you or someone else, unless I know you very well and we are close friends...I will likely choose the person who is not pressuring me to choose. Firefox and Chrome both have extentions that allow you to block almost all instances of a user on your blog, please use it. (the only exception to that is asks, and for that reason I do not answer asks, but instead make a new post.)

IF YOU FOLLOW ME AND I MAKE AN EFFORT TO RP WITH YOU AND TALK WITH YOU AND YOU DO NOT MAKE AN EFFORT IN RETURN I will unfollow you. I normally do not have an issue with this, but there are a few people who I have been excited to rp with and then it never go anywhere. If I see that you consistently reblog memes and starter requests without fulfilling, I will unfollow you.

The following urls and/or Muns are people I do not associate with. I do not wish them to be brought to my attention, I don't want to know about them. I have their urls blocked to where I cannot see them. I will not, however, tell you who to rp with.

-Star/Usa/whatever her url and name is now: Lots of drama happened with this person and my circle of friends. Due to her sending people to attack me and my friends via anon, I do not wish to even hear about her. This situation has been inactive for months.

-Loke: (renascii) Same reason as above though also for stealing and lieing. This situation has been inactive for months.

-Ezrile: A little bit more difficult to explain, but this person is unmedicated and mentally ill, and uses their illness as an excuse to treat others quite badly and as their personal punching machine. When called to take responsibilty for their actions, they pushed it off and have slandered my name as well as other's in order to justify their actions. This situation is still ongoing, as they continue to vague about me and another person who will remain unnamed, as well as stalk us. (I have confirmed that this person IS in fact a stalker. I would advise in avoiding this user, but will not force it. If you would like more information, send me a message and we can discuss things.)

This list will update as necessary. As stated, You may rp and interact with these people; just make sure to tag them so my blocker can get it. Please understand this is NOT a dni, I just ask if you interact with these people please make sure to tag their urls so that my blocker will pick them up.

I try not to engage in drama. I do my best to keep in my own lane. I have in the past, voiced my opinions on topics that are related to me particularly or related to people I am quite close with. However, I try to stay out of it.

Please do not pressure me in replying. I have ADHD, anxiety, and depression. All of these combined do not make a good cocktail for pressure, and if i'm pressured in interacting, replying, or other things then I get burnt out really fast. I do this because I enjoy it, so please don't take my enjoyment out of it by putting a deadline on me.

That being said, if i've taken more than a week or so to even interact with you, feel free to poke me and just give me a gentle reminder! I don't consider "hey we still good for that rp?" a pressuring measure, and I love to interact so i'd be thrilled to get a message!

I care very little about how other people run their blogs. I care very little about what topics you rp. If I enjoy talking to you, or writing with you, then I will do so. This means I do not take place in censorship culture. I will not shame you, or call you out based on what you find enjoyable. I know for a lot of people, writing and rp is a type of therapy, and most of us are adults here and can choose to disengage when something makes us uncomfortable.

If you DO happen to do something that makes me uncomfortable, I likely will unfollow, but I will at least communicate with you on why before I do. But considering I'm currently rping a bunch of trauma ridden little ones, it's highly unlikely.

Finally, a special rule: I will NOT RP with any characters from the series Tales of Symphonia or Tales of Symphonia Dawn of the New World. If you are a multimuse that has these characters on it, then as long as those rps are tagged, I'm fine. I have a bit of trauma related to the series and don't wish to revisit it.

[blond-jerk-tourney]

Champagne Bracket: Round 1, Poll 3

Propaganda from submitters Under Cut

Haley

Blonde. Mean. Very stereotypical mean girl.

She is mean. She will insult and belittle you. But if you get closer to her you'll realize she has a softer side and she really grows and matures through the game. 

Byakuya Togami

Very elitist, constantly calls others "commoners", talks about how he is gonna kill someone and get out of the killing game, hangs up a corpse and writes a message with their blood on the wall because he already knows the murderer but wants to see who is smart, complains the other students left him out even though he made sure to tell them every time that he wants nothing to do with them, pretty sure he screams in the 4 chapter " How can you know something I don't know?!", the only reason he doesn't qualify as a villain is cus he doesnt kill someone and in the end works with the rest of the survivors. He also constantly wants the protagonist to tell the rest what he knows

he's mean and self-centered and sees himself as above everyone else.

such a cunt 😭 doesnt eat breakfast w everyone and spends all his time in the library. (also he tampered with a crime scene but spoilers)

His title is literally, get this, "ultimate affluent progeny" Fucking look at him /hj Treats everyone as inferior in every way, even when they're trying to solve a murder he goes "how did YOUUU figure this out before MEEE???? >:0" Constantly has an "Me vs. Them" mentality about everything so he feels the need to prove himself to be superior - Messes with crime scenes because it would "make them more interesting" (purposefully incriminating someone else, who he didn't like) Actual quotes by him: "I'm only here to get breakfast. I have neither need nor desire to talk to you. Now withdraw." "You're like a child lost in the woods, you know that? A total waste of space." "You know, I still just can't believe it... That an uneducated, brain-dead, useless piece of garbage like you has survived this long." "You have only yourself to blame—you came to me with your tragic little story. I didn't ask you to. This is the real world, not some romantic fantasy fairytale."

This rich mf… He spends the entire game being a snobby, condescending, uncaring asshole. He becomes relatively nicer by the end but never stops being a dick. He also desecrated a corpse once for funsies. He’s also stupid but he doesn’t know that. I both like and hate him. It’s complicated.

He's an heir to a wealthy family corporation and he sure does act the part. He acts like he's better than everyone else and thinks they're not worth his time. He's just a huge asshole. (SPOILERS) He tampers with a murder scene just for fun and outs another student's secret alter, knowing full well it was irrelevant to the case. He also has a small breakdown about being wrong in another trial. By the end, he becomes a bit more likeable and kinda a tsundere that pretends like he doesn't care about the other survivors (but he totally does). Still very much an asshole though. He's a fucked up lil guy and something about him draws me to him. I would kick his rich bastard shins IRL given the chance, however.

He is emotionally detached from his classmates…

[dark-ink-drinker]

I'm just staring this book, less than 100 pages in and I'm already wanting to start the review... and not in a good way.

I feel like all my reviews this year (all two prior to this one) are a collage of passive aggressive and back handed compliments... like here are all the reasons I hate this book, but no really it's great go read it. This might be something else like that...

I've read Sally Rooney's 'Conversations With Friends' and 'Normal People.' I am used to her slow and subtle style. There's no drama, or rather dramatic description. There can be plenty of twists and dramatic moments... but they're not treated as such. Whatever climax or rise in the stories, you might miss if you blink. Everyone seems calm even when they're having a nervous breakdown and their lives are falling apart. In the other two books, they started drab and a little boring to me but as it moved through I ended up enjoying it. Rooney is great at immersing the reader in the scenes and even when you feel the characters are a little dull, you get wrapped up in them and what will happen to them in the end.

Did she skip using quotes in in the first two books? I looked it up and apparently she didn't... so how come I only realized it now? Fifty pages in and my mind is skipping words and sentences... I'm wanting to skip pages. I can't immerse myself in the scene or the characters this time. The lack of quotes is suddenly driving me crazy...

Rooney writes characters that are beautifully flawed. Annoying, yes, but relatable in many ways. It's part of why I ended up liking the first two books. People aren't all good or all bad. Good people do bad things sometimes and bad people do good things sometimes. We all do things we're not necessarily proud of but it doesn't make us throw away people. I'm hoping these characters will find their way to that as well.

I'll check back in a little further in...

Ok, hours later here I am, book completed.

'Beautiful World, Where Are You' was about best friends, which seems to be a common theme for Sally Rooney. Eileen and Alice both seem to have some mental health issues though Alice is the one who was hospitalized. They struggle with self worth and self identity and love which is all very relatable though these two seem to take it to the extreme. They each have their Beau, Simon and Felix who have their own struggles.

At times, each relationship comes across a little toxic or at the very least unhealthy for all parties involved. Sometimes they're hurtful to each other on purpose, pulling closer and pushing away right up until the last 50 pages or so.

The story seemed to drag a little, leaving me not sure where it was supposed to end up. The last 150 pages or so was where it felt like it was moving, where my interest in the characters peeked... which I was expecting as the previous 2 books had similar forms.

The sudden mention of lockdown at the very end was a bit jarring and out of nowhere... but then again so was the lockdown.

I enjoyed the letters back and forth between Alice and Eileen. As someone whose best friend is often 100s of miles away and on a different schedule, I related to the way they kept up with one another through email. It gave a different aspect of their relationship and a little more insight into how they saw themselves as well. I might have liked a little more of that.

Going back to the quotes thing. I genuinely don't remember that from the other two books but it really bothered me in this one. It made it hard to follow coupled with the fact that not only are you missing what makes the dialog clear... but she often put whole conversations between two people in one paragraph which made distinguishing more difficult. Sometimes she broke it up so I'm not sure why she didn't do that all the time.

Anyway, I'll give it a solid 3 stars

⭐️⭐️⭐️

[avocado-frog]

Dahlia. 18

Ao3

-Oh we're starting right off with that then huh

-In rosemary, Jaxon's perception of what actually happened gets increasingly worse, while the way Leo describes it is really bad because she just broke five bones in the span of like one minute. Logan and Sam's description of it is bad because they're panicked. It isn't nearly as graphic as they think it is

-"This did not feel like a concussion" really leo?? it doesn't feel like a concussion when you've fallen thirty feet head first?? you don't think you have a concussion??? wild

-I like making fun of the lines the characters say as if i wasn't the one who wrote the lines

-Leo needed to be pushed tbh

-uhhrhrhrgrhrhrgrggrgr jaxon noo

-WILL SOMEONE ACKNOWLEDGE SAM LIKE

-The way no one could find Kai or Marcy in the last chapters and they're just in the goddamn closet the whole time

-Sam, despite being one of the last remaining kids here, would not survive an apocalypse

-"He told them as such, and as a bonus, added that he didn't want to lose anyone else. He learned that one from Leo, he thought." Manipulative Sam AND Leo foreshadowing

-I kind of wrote the last group of 6/15 chapters in one day and you can tell that I lost my write fight juice

-So Sam gets explosion magic. That won't go wrong ever

-Jaxon's mental breakdown arc

-Fun fact: I was writing this scene while I was about to post forget me not chapter 17 on ao3 and switching back and forth from editing fmn jaxon to writing dahlia jaxon was an experience

-"no, it wasn't trespassing because there was no sign telling them not to"- logan i don't think that's how it works

-There's a Ride the Cyclone reference in here

-Recap: leo went to the hospital, jaxon ran off, sam can blow stuff up with his mind, everyone's okay

-It's unclear but the reason that everyone just goes back to normal is because of Ryan finding Elliot in chapter 16. The dreamworld chapters take place during the real world ones

[colorfullcast]

PART 2!

When it comes to really trusting her it's a cobination of intuition, observance and circumstance. During the Italia Daily Life Arc it's Sergey and Ava who disclose how important it is for the family to keep good relations with the locals in italy and that the way you best can achieve that is with cultural events like festivities, plays, concerts and the like (I mean if there isn't more pressing matters like violence and starvation going on). So naturally Tsunas first thought goes to a sort of cultural festival like they do in the schools in japan. Food, small presentations, fun activities- the like. One thing most notably among that is performances of different clubs and that's when Rena comes into play as she is a good line between the already established theater scene and the Neo Vongola. Even tho she has only been on Reborns radar and not officially scouted it's her competance and behavior during this instance that kind of greenlights her. Especially because Sergey backs her. Like previously mentioned he gets behind her identity, but at first he just believes her to be a refugee from the slavic region which--- he isn't really wrong on that one? So feeling a form of solidarity, he hopes that by endorsing her he can help her become protected by the family. (Did I just figure out how she joins the team even tho I said I was still working that out? See this is why the rubber duck technique works with writing as well, for me at least)

In regards to the kids: Rena is basically someone who is specialized in robots being asked to be a technical maintenance worker. While there is overlap and similarities, it's not their main realm of expertise. Same with Rena. She has learned how to deal with kids, but that doesn't make her a child caretaker. It's Rebron who puts her into the stress test situation and despite some near mental breakdowns she pulls through DUE to her using theater methods. She utilizes Lambos need to play himself up and I-pins sense of responsibility to construct a small pretend play in which all of them have their designated role and have to follow some simple rules set up by her as the sort of game master. Lambo gets to be the big shot he always wants to be, I-pin learns how to play a sort of knight that wrengles the wild card Lambo in WITHOUT knocking people up with Gyoza Kenpo and she even manages to give Futa a small role so the kids are occupied and happy. Once it's clear that she will take care of them all more down the line she actually... takes Futa aside and is honest with him. To a degree at least. She tells him that while what he does is great and important that more than anyone else he knows that he can unveil secrets people don't want to come to light. And that she is similar. There are things she keeps hidden for a reason. Not maliciously, but because her past isn't that easy for her. So she asks him, that if he ever comes across her secrets to keep them to himself UNLESS its for the safety of the Neo Vongola. Futa recognizes her sincerity and plea and promises her to not tell anyone, unless necesary. It's actually next to Sergey coming clean about Renas past, the other reason that ensures Rena isn't outright declared a traitor, since her ranking for betraying the Neo Vongola is VERY far down. And they know Futas rankings don't lie.

It's so funny you mentioned her not being much of a fighter, because I kind of reworked that now, hahaha;;; let's say she is still trained but she doesn't WANT to be. She can protect herself fine, she isn't a total civi, but ofc nowhere near any of the guardians. She wants to live a life where her not being a fighter is not a lie she says to protect herself, but an actual truth. She WANTS a normal life, she WANTS to be someone with an unremarkable name who is basically a nobody aside of her aspirations in the theater field. She can not change her past, but she can shape her future and her future is that of peace and "normalcy" in her life.

Like mentioned I reworked her position to basically only one person getting behind her lies. Which only makes the fallout all the more harrowing. While Reborn does have her in his peripheral vision it's her interacting with the Neo Vongola family during their effort to organize the festival, that ultimately makes her friends with everyone, the girls first and formost. Especially Tsuna gets to see how despite her APPEARING like she is always in control of the situations and knows what to do, it's 70% fake-it-till-you-make-it. He sees her needing a breather after successfully roping Lambo back in from one of his stunts. He sees her quietly panic, when things that she had planned don't work out and she has to improvise. He sees her grappling with her own emotions despite showing to the outside that she is in full control of herself. And hat is important, because Rena? Yeah she has a bit of a helper complex. She believes SHE has to fix everything even if it isn't related to her. After all that's what she was raised to one day become. She is the leader of the group, an organizer of the event, she MUST be the one in control and finding solutions. And on the outside she seems like she can do it and is a veteran in these things to the point of it coming natural to her. But the truth is that she DOES panic, she DOES have moments of anxiety and fear, she DOES get stressed at the kids, she DOES blank sometimes and needs a moment to regain herself and Tsuna notices especially, because throughout it all, she CONSTANTLY offers to help Tsuna with his issues. Every time Tsuna has a "WHAT SHOULD I DO?!" moment, she seems to magically appear and give at LEAST an idea if not straight up a solution for the problems. But he is also the person that catches the cracks in her facade and finds her in the backroom, curled up and trying to calm down, shaking even, before she takes a few deep breaths and tries to move on. Eventually he actually seeks a talk with her and she opens up about how she knows this is a problem of hers, but she really really wants to be useful and prove herself. Which seems very familiar... She also admits, that all of these respnsibilities are incredibly suffocating and scary. Yes, she can not avoid them, because of her position and work, but that doesn't mean that she is a natural born leader or something. Especially because, she CAN NOT show that she is struggling. She has to be the one people look back to when things get difficult and she has to be the one that gives everyone the confidence that things will be allright. That too... seems familiar. So while Tsuna was initially glad that he could rely on her he reexamines that and decides to help her more. He will take over duties, he will find solutions, so she doesn't spread herself thin. They will work TOGETHER. It's the start of their friendship and since she doesn't exactly have many other friends, she... kind of goes to check on the Neo Vongola when she has free time, to escape her own lonelieness and feel like she belongs somewhere. Inevitably she just becomes part of the group.

*takes a deep breath*

I usually do not talk about my khr selfinsert/oc but honestly i AM very interested about your thoughts if i just let you lose, so.

"Rena Paolina" (birthname: Alyona Ivanovna Tsareyev), about the age of Tsuna and his guardians is a young woman with a hand for childcare and a trained theater teacher. She was partially scouted by the Vongola to be part of a mafia centric daycare, for the offspring of the Vongola families memebers (There is also another reason why they keep a close eye on her). She has a knack foe identifying what kids need and how to get them to behave, which was especially helpful with the still young Lambo. She is not a fighter (or so she claims) and she completely focuses on her work at the daycare and her small theater group.

Her origin are only known to CEDEF, Reborn and Dino as Dino was the first person she met when she came to italy. She gets along well with Tsunayoshi and his guardians tho she only really seems to bicker and butt heads with Gokudera. With everyone else she seems to find ways to be on good terms with them.

She is a very righteous person and can be hotheaded when it concerns topics that hit close to home. Then she usually becomes short sighted and so heated she ends up running herself into a corner. Even tho she repeatedly says that children scare her and that she isnt very good at caring for them there have not been many kids who ever disliked her. She openly speaks her mind and opinion even to people that have a standing above her, tho she does adjust her way of speaking to not be too disrespectful. She has a passion for theater and really blooms in theater related projects, happily teaching others about it and helping them discover themselves through the magic of theater. However she does shy away from ever getting too much into public spaces for some reason.

This reason being that she is terrified of someone possibly figuring out where she comes from.

"Rena" is actually the only child of the Leonov families boss Ivan Anatolyevich Tsareyev, a mafia family that is notorious for their incredibly conservative ways. Originally her family was banished, as her father was usurped by his own right hand man and had to flee the country. However as Rena became a teenager her father traveled alone back to his home and through gruesome circumstances he managed to take back leadership, making sure to rule through fear. He wanted ro take his wife and daughter back home, however Rena was very against this new life and she ran away from home finding her way to italy where she begged to be taken in. Reborn decided that considering her age and inexperience with anything related ro the underworld she could be allowed to work for the vongoa tho under strict supervision. Should her family ever become an issue in politics she would make a fine hostage.

But even in her youth as her family was banished she had a boy by her side, about the same age as her by the name of Dimitri. While everyone went against her father, only his bodyguard stood with him and followed her family. It was his son that was early on tasked with protecting Rena even as a civilian and when she decided to run away he saw it as his duty to protect her by allowing her to escape. With the years passing she managed to truly prove herself in her craft and became a valued and beloved caretaker even if there are always the entitled parents that try to make her life a living hell.

Bulletpoint trivia

* Lambo adores her as she manages to thread the needle between pulling him back in reins and engaging in his antics.

* in her fifth year at the vongola she had proven herself enough to turn her small theater group into an actual ensemble, even being provided a small theater where they can properly perform even if only for a small audience.

* Reborn always kept one step in the suspicion territory but after seeing how skilled she is at actually taking care of mafia children he realized that she was a valuable asset to the family.

* While on official documents she is listed as having a storm flame she actually posesses a sky flame.

* she is not a fighter. She can protect herself when it comes down to it but she is definitely more a civi than a fleshed out mafiosi.

* Dima keeps an eye on her from afar. He never dared to actually meet her, but ever so often he makes a trip to italy to watch over her for a day before he returns to other duties. Rena has never noticed this.

* The reason Rena is quite close with the tenth family (or the neo vongola family) is not just their similar age, but also that she was one of the first introduced into the circle as soon as the mafia business really started. She took care of a lot of mundane tasks and took care of Lambo first and foremost.

* She actually kind of enjoys her back and forth with Gokudera tho she isnt sure if he sees it the same way.

* On the outside Rena seems to most like she has everything figured out and knows what she is doing. However in that case she is the true embodiment of "fake it till you make it". She is WAY more anxious than people believe her to be.

So I guess i am not asking for anything specific, i mean you know i ship with dera, but I wanted to just give you an opportunity to give me your opinion? Ideas? Critique??? I dont really know myself.

It is up to you. I just value your opinion in general.

(Also wanted to ask: even if the event ends, can i send you my varia boys profiles once they are done?)

@eternitas I dug this up in the queue before work today, just as I know you've been waiting for it ans it keeps getting sent down in wach new reshuffle! First off, let me just say that I am deeply honored that you feel comfortable sharing your self-insert/OC with me. I know that takes a lot of bravery to do, as these sorts of characters become very meaningful and dear to our hearts. I’m not entirely sure what to really give you back though! Because this reply is published publicly on the blog, I am going to ask if you’re okay with other readers commenting on the beautiful Rena and, if you are, I ask my gorgeous constant readers – do any of you lovelies want to comment or ask questions about the character, other than the ones I will be asking? (Though a reminder that all comments and questions must be respectful, anything that I feel is mean-spirited will not be shared and might earn you a block from the blog because again – sharing these types of characters takes a lot of courage). What I ended up giving you was just my thoughts, sometimes an occasional comment that I had while reading through the description of Rena, but mostly questions on her though because I am always very curious about characters! Oh, so many questions! I hope the questions will make sense and that none of it will come off as rude or nosey!! Even the critiques are more meant as…okay, that’s an interesting writing choice. This is how I always thought about the character/process, so I’m just really interested in why you think this thing instead – because, as a reminder, mine is not the only right way to see things and by asking questions and hearing other people’s views, I get to learn new things and see characters and situations in lights that I might never have considered! (Also, please, please, even if there is no event going on, please feel free to send me profiles for the Varia boys, and please know, to my lovely other readers, that I am always interested in hearing about people’s self-inserts or original characters 😊)

How is Rena pronounced? Like Ray-nah or like Ree-na?

Where Rena has a birthname and a new chosen name, how did she settle on the name Rena Paolina? What drew her to that first and last name? Is there any significance behind it?

Where she does have the birthname and then her new identity, did she legally change her name? Most Mafia families would work with forged documents and would be able to spot fake documents, even well-made ones if the family is experienced enough, so I feel she’d be living dangerously relying on just forged documents. Did she go through something like what Reborn went through after becoming cursed, where he went to some sort of specialist, referred to him through Shamal (or maybe even Shamal himself, who knows) and got her old identity completely erased and a new one constructed for her by the best of the best to avoid any danger?

If Rena is around Tsuna’s age, did she temporarily go on the leave from the Vongola after high school to get her theatre degree? If so, who took over childcare while she was gone? Was her absence really noticed? How much contact did she keep in with her friends, if the theatre school she went to wasn’t in Japan? Did they come to visit her often and if so, who showed the most interest in what she was learning about? (Do you see any of the Guardians or Tsuna’s other family members as being really interested in the theatre and acting?)

Why was she scouted for the Vongola? I can see them keeping an eye on her for potential threats and having the attitude of keeping your enemies closer, but why in particular was she scouted for the position she was scouted for? Why would they entrust her with the next generation of the Vongola if there was that fear about her family? Had she proven herself to them in some way? Was she supervised while in the daycare for the first several years until she had shown her loyalty? Or was it that Tsuna and Timoteo's hyper intuition saw through all and knew Rena had a heart of gold and would never hurt any of them or the Vongola itself?

Lambo would obviously give Rena a run for her money and probably tire her out but what about the other children? How does she get along with I-Pin, who is just as energetic but less rambunctious and trouble-making? What about slightly older children like Fuuta? Especially Fuuta, actually, whose ranking abilities could prove dangerous if they were to reveal something she didn’t want to come out, like who she was in the past?

I actually really, really enjoy the fact that Rena isn’t much of a physical fighter and does such a niche job. It makes her much more relatable, in my opinion, without the worry of her being overpowered or anything along those lines. I also love that she has clear passions and interests of her own, things that she enjoys doing that are completely separate from Mafia life because it makes her feel more realistic as a person and more fleshed out and dimensional as a character.

This is the only critique I have and it’s more a question. If she is indeed part of the Vongola, why are her origins only known to Reborn, Dino, and CEDEF. Reborn and CEDEF have no say as to who becomes Vongola, though Reborn recruits for Tsuna’s family specifically and even then, they kind of need to be invited in by Tsuna or at least accepted by Tsuna as part of his family. So, am I confused, and she’s scouted as part of specifically Tsuna’s generation? Because otherwise Timoteo and his Guardians would know about her, and I could honestly see Timoteo being the most sympathetic to her plight and the one most likely to take her in, while I could see Iemitsu and CEDEF and especially Reborn being the more extremely wary of Rena, because they would view her more of a threat, where Timoteo, especially with the help of Vongola’s Hyper-Intuition, would view Rena more as a child in a bad spot who needs a safe place to be and as a human being who means them no harm, something his Hyper-Intuition tells him in his heart and I could actually see him doing everything in his power to bring her into the fold and provide a stable 'father-like' figure to her.

Or am I confused and this takes place when Tsuna is an adult, though that would make no sense as Lambo would be much too old to need childcare at that point, though some of the family members would have children of their own that might need childcare during that time?

How did she meet Dino, where he’s the first person she met upon arriving in Italy? Why did she choose Italy to flee to? Was it a conscious choice or was it more that that was the first flight she could grab?

What are the topics that hit close to home for her? What are the causes and topics she’s passionate about and that get her heated?

If Rena is someone unafraid to speak her mind to anyone and everyone, how is it that she hasn’t gotten herself ‘bitten to death’ by people like Hibari? Or Xanxus, Bel, and Squalo, should she have ever met them? Are there times when she knows how to keep her opinions to herself, because doing otherwise would lead to danger or possible fights, or is she the impulsive type whose mouth sometimes gets the better of her (which I would sympathize with her on if that's the case because sometimes my mouth gets ahead of my head)?

If Rena doesn’t want to perform in public spaces due to a fear of being found out, does that mean the theatre group only performs for the Vongola? Just wondering as I’m just a little confused as to that, because here at least, even the backstage crew gets pulled onto the stage at the end of the show to get their round of applause. Is it different in other countries and I'm just being ignorant? I can't remember if I asked above, but what role does she play in the theatre troop? Does she direct, act, write original plays, anything? I am so, so, so intensely curious and intrigued by this aspect of her and it's one of my favourite things about her, no lie!!

Is her family Russian Mafia? And what do you mean by conservative ways, precisely? Are we talking stereotypical brutal Russian mob, who terrorizes, extorts, blackmails, and murders those inside their own territory? If so, how was the family not taken apart by the townspeople they subjugated during the internal chaos of the coup d’etat where his right hand man took the Boss’ seat? How did his right-hand man take over a family like that while still leaving the former Boss alive, especially as it would be a huge threat to the right-hand man since the former boss could gather anyone even the least bit loyal to him back to his side and could come gunning for the person who took over his role by force. A point blank killing of Ivan would make more sense to me, so I’m just trying to dig into the world here and figure out if there were reasons he was left behind and how all this turmoil in her family happened.

Where did her family resettle, if they were forced out of the country? Did she like that country? Would she return there? Would she ever return to Russia, if the danger of being found out for who she was was taken away? Like, was her childhood there one that she would have loved if born from a different family?

Since she ran way, does she ever contact her parents from a secure line to let them know she is safe? It seems unreasonably cruel, since there’s no hints that her father or mother were abusive to her, for her to leave them there for years upon years wondering if she was safe, if their child had been killed, and all that. Is there more to this family’s story than what’s being told at first glance? Again, this is such an intriguing, interesting backstory that I want to deep dive into it and learn every little bit of information I can about it, like I would want to deep dive into any characters from published anime/manga!

Why did Dmitri not go with her when she ran away, if his purpose and life’s work was really to be her bodyguard? Why did he not follow her after ensuring she got safely out, meeting her at somewhere they would have agreed upon? There’s no way she could have guaranteed safety as a runaway living on the streets, hoping someone would take her in, so I would think he’d be even more insistent on being able to stay with her and protect her. Was it under her orders, to keep him potentially safe, since I know for sure she does genuinely have a good heart and would deeply care about someone who'd been so close to her?

How does she fake having a Storm Flame to seal these official documents? I don’t think Flame types are officially listed on most paperwork, since the only valid way to prove it for it to be recorded would be to light the flame on a Ring? I have nothing against her being a Sky flame, just wondering how she fakes the Storm Flame or if she just has a weak secondary Storm Flame, which would also make complete sense with her personality!

If Dmitri knows where she is and watches her from afar, why has he just not approached her? If it’s because he could be caught doing so, he’d be caught doing observation and surveillance on her, wouldn’t he? Is he nervous she'd be upset or is he worried he might not fit into her new life??

Now just some random questions because I genuinely do think Rena is adorable, I like the bit of shipping headcanons you’ve shared with her and Gokudera, and I’m interested in learning more about just who she is as a person!!

What are some of Rena’s other hobbies other than theatre? Is there any particular genres she’s really pulled towards for all the media and stage shows she prefers?

What’s one stage production that she has always wanted to be a part of but hasn’t gotten to be a part of yet?

Is she right or left handed? Is she at all superstitious and does she believe in things like astrology, crystals, and psychics?

Would she go ghost-hunting/Bigfoot-spotting, etc. with Gokudera? Does she genuinely believe in all that stuff or is she doing it to humour him and because she knows how much he loves that kind of stuff?

What’s her style? How does she dress? How much care does she take with her appearance? Is she a no makeup kind of person or someone who likes to play around with their makeup?

Who’s her favourite kid out of the main kid trio of Lambo, I-Pin, and Fuuta? What about the Arcobaleno, where they look like babies? Who would she think is the cutest baby?

Does she attend Yamamoto’s baseball games and if so, is she one of the super-loud spectators, cheering him on so everyone can hear or is she more quietly supportive?

Does she have a parent she preferred growing up? (Was she a Daddy’s girl or a Mommy’s girl?) If she didn’t really ever get along with her parents, was there another relative that she really loved and that was her safe space, like an aunt or cousin?

What does Rena look like! I don’t remember it in the description or anything, so I’d love to hear about that aspect of her too!

Does she ever have any relationships prior to getting together with Gokudera or is he her first and only relationship throughout her life? How do they end up getting together? Does someone officially confess or does it just kind of happen naturally?

What is her daily life with Gokudera like? Do they move in together and if so, how soon? What’s her favourite thing about him and what drew her to him and vice versa?

When’s their anniversary? How do they typically celebrate?

How do her and Gokudera resolve fights and arguments they have?

Honestly, just tell me anything and everything about her because I’m really interested in getting to know her!