#someone else in the notes says they saw a study suggesting that applies here

[libraryspectre]

Yep for whatever reason couples that were a Neanderthal man x sapiens woman had an easier time producing viable offspring than couples who were a Neanderthal woman x sapiens man

So if anything it's where modern humans get their taste for short stocky kings. Like me, so that's nice

Do we have data on whether the earliest modern human x neanderthal crosses were more commonly produced by a neanderthal man and sapiens sapiens woman, or vice versa?

Do we have some neanderthal woman to blame for the species' apparent instinct to see a weirdly long lanky skinny frail man and instantly get the urge to mount him?

[tojismaiden]

SNK Male Characters as Yandere's (Modern AU)

WARNING: will contain dark themes.

Eren the Violent

It's a known fact that Eren doesn't have the best temper in the world.

But for you, he'd try his best to be patient. Key word: Try.

When Eren saw you, you were like the light at the end of the tunnel. The rainbow after the rain. The finish line. The trophy. The angel that every devil sought after.

You were kind to almost everybody but you were also fearless when you need to be. You helped everyone that you could and that included Eren. He got into another fight? You'd patch him up. He's lashing out on someone again? You'd calm him down. Everytime he needed someone, you were there.

So who could possibly blame him for falling for you? For wanting you?

At first, it was just an innocent crush he had on you. But days passed and he found himself growing more agitated. You were just too good, too pure. Eren knew that deep down, he had to have you. He's lost so much in his life, he can't lose you too.

So when the time came that he confessed, imagine his surprised and embarrassment when you told him you were with someone else. Of course, Eren being Eren, he'd pretend it's nothing and carry on with his day.

You thought none of it of course and kept treating Eren as how you saw him as; a friend.

Eren isn't the most patient man in the world, and neither is he the most calm one.

So please don't be surprised if you find your s/o brutally murdered.

"Oh, Y/N. I'm so sorry about your partner. I heard what happened. Such a shame, really."

"It's okay, Eren... I just— I just don't understand. Who would do something like this?"

"I don't know. But whoever it was, the person may not have liked your partner at all. In fact, that person might have hated them."

Your partner's death saddened you immensely but you were thankful that Eren was with you as you grieved. However, the more you spent time with Eren, the more concerned your friends got. They had bad vibes with him.

And Eren felt they don't particularly like him.

So the next time you see a news about an unknown killer going around?

Ignore it.

Your friends falling as victims of the said killer? Ignore it.

After all, Eren did it for you. So you could be together.

Forever.

Armin the Manipulative

There's no denying that Armin is smart. Way too fucking smart.

He would top in his classes and everyone came to him whenever they needed help with their homework.

But what exactly did Armin like about you? Simple. It's your sincerity.

Sure, he has friends and sure, his classmates would thank him whenever he helped them but with you, Armin could really feel like you learned something from him. It wasn't like the usual where the other would get the answers to their questions but obtained nothing from his explanation.

With you, you really applied what he taught you.

And Armin felt... appreciated. Like he wasn't being used to people's advantages.

So ever since then, Armin would willingly help you. Even offering to tutor you privately, free of charge! And each time you two spent time together, Armin's feelings for you grew stronger. The stronger they got, the more he got slightly too infatuated with you.

Weekly tutors turned into everyday tutors to the point where Armin would even tutor you during the weekend!

But who were you to say no? You were so thankful. If it weren't for Armin, you might have backloaded a subject or worse, repeated a grade!

You barely had time for your friends anymore but Armin assured you that it's better this way. That it's better if you prioritized your study sessions with him because your friends would just distract you.

And hey, come to think of it. Weren't they the reason you slept so late the last few weeks and almost made you miss an exam?

However, as busy as you are, you somehow found yourself in a situation where you got into a date with someone. An upperclassmen one of your friends introduced you to back then.

And when Armin found out, he was livid. But he loves you so much that he couldn't possibly bear to hurt you, no. Instead, he saved you from the inevitable torment.

"Y/N, you did this portion wrong, do it again." "Y/N! Didn't I tell you to replace this number with this? Do it again." "We're not stopping until you get it right."

Sure, Armin can be strict, but it's for your own good.

"Y/N, I apologize if I was harsh today. I just want to see you do good. And I'm so proud of you. I really believe you'll ace this test this week."

"I-It's okay, Armin. And thank you for helping me again. I promise I'll—"

"Say, Y/N, you should really stop seeing that person. I heard you were going out on a date with (Your crush's name). I suggest you don't. I heard they're going out with a friend of yours. (You friend's name) is their name, I think?"

"W-What? Where did you heard that?"

"Everyone's been talking about it. Plus, I think the reason you're doing pretty bad today is because of them. So please, Y/N, we worked really hard for you to get such good scores. Wouldn't you wanna make your senpai proud?"

You're so thankful for Armin. And you really don't want to disappoint him after all of what he's done for you.

So what better way to repay him than be obedient?

Jean the Stalker

It's not rocket science that Jean is a handsome young man.

But when he saw you? Oh, boy. He felt as if everything in the world felt right. You were just so fucking beautiful. The first time he saw you, he just couldn't look away. It felt as if his breath got knocked out of him.

He was sure you were a God/Goddess walking on Earth. Never had he seen someone so ethereal.

But the thing is, you were just so out of his league. While everyone kept talking to you, made friends with you, flirted with you, Jean stood from afar and watched you from the distance.

Sure, he follows your social media accounts. But he couldn't help but make dummy accounts and followed your accounts as well. He didn't want to take the risk of accidentally liking a picture of yours from years back with his personal account.

He didn't want you to think of him as a weird stalker or something because Jean is definitely not a stalker, no. Just no chance of him being that.

What Jean didn't know, is that you never noticed him at all. It's not your fault though, he was usually quiet and blended in the background. If you ever did see him around, you'd forget about him soon after. A shame, really.

But don't let Jean know that.

What started as him following your social media accounts turned into him just simply following you around.

He took note of you always stopping by at this convenient store right after class to buy your favorite drink and favorite sandwich almost everyday before you go home.

It happened so frequently, him walking with his hoodie on, head hung low as he walked a few steps behind you and somehow watching you buy the exact same thing everyday.

But everytime, Jean would only stop by at the convenient store. Once you were done, he would walk home. He didn't want to follow you home. Well, it's not that he didn't want to, it's just that he doesn't have the courage yet.

However, curiosity got the best of him and at night, when you were going home late, he followed you on your way home and you swore you could feel as if someone was follow you.

"Who's there?" Nothing.

When Jean successfully followed you home, it was like something inside him flicked open. And every night, he would stop by outside your home for an hour or so and every night he would see your silhouette as you took off your clothes and changed into comfier ones, and Jean had thoughts where he'd imagine just how you looked underneath them.

With each passing day, you felt as if you were continuously being watched. Being followed.

Maybe next time, you should really learn how to close your window.

Say, do you remember where your favorite underwear went?

Erwin the Blackmailer

You could never really ask for a better boyfriend. Erwin has it all.

At least, that's what you thought in the first few years of your relationship.

Erwin was everything you wanted and more. And he loved you so much... way too much.

And truthfully, you loved Erwin too. But there's no denying he's gotten so unbearable.

Back then, you would have done everything for Erwin. But every bit of love that you had for this man was now replaced with fear.

When Erwin began to openly express his obsession with you and his primary goal of making you all to himself, you had run away from him, far too scared of the lengths he'd go through just to satisfy this... obsession of his.

You noticed it little by little. But never had you thought it would come to this.

It started small at first. He would stop you from spending time with your friends little by little until you could no longer see them.

He would say something about them being bad influences. Going as far as to make up convincing lies that you, stupidly fell for.

After that, he stopped you from seeing your own family. Cut ties with those who are important to you. Deprived you your freedom. For he thought that you, going outside meant that you would meet someone else other than him.

And the thought of someone even merely looking at you made his blood boil.

But everytime you ran away from him, he would find you. Doesn't matter if you hid from him for weeks, months. He would end up finding you each and everytime.

At first, Erwin liked the cat and mouse game that you played. He thought it was thrilling. But then he slowly realized you were gaining this new profound strength. As if you thought that he wouldn't do anything except to find you and drag you back with him.

"I'm not going with you anymore, Erwin! I'm sick of this shit. You're all bark but no bite. Well, guess what? I'm done. And I'm not coming back!"

"Bark but no bite, eh? I wish you hadn't said that, Y/N. Say, your best friend doesn't live too far from here. You wouldn't mind if I pay them a visit, right? I'm sure they're worried about you, doll."

Ever since then, Erwin would blackmail you by threatening to hurt your loved ones if you didn't do as you were told.

This made your fear for him to go back and one time where you did disobey him despite his threats, you received a news where your bestfriend was found badly beaten in a dark alley and the perpetrator was nowhere to be found. Your bestfriend almost died if the suspect hadn't stopped.

And deep down, you knew this was Erwin's doing. It served as a warning that he wasn't afraid to kill for you so long as you stayed with him.

"I'm doing this for us, doll. Why can't you see how much I love you?"

"They don't deserve you, Y/N. They aren't willing to go for miles for you. But me, I would do anything to keep you by my side. Isn't that what you wanted? You said you didn't want to lose me, right?"

Erwin loved you so much. He wouldn't want to risk losing you ever again.

Maybe he should try going after your family this time the next time you try and run away from him.

Levi the Possessive

Levi had lost more people than he could count. So the moment he saw you?

He didn't want to let go.

What's scary about Levi is that you don't know what he's thinking of. He would never let you know what it is that runs through his mind.

He knows, however, that you're just like him. You lost your family and you barely had any friends. And you worked as a waiter/waitresss at this local diner to earn money for your tuition fee.

Levi understands. He's been through that struggle and he could see it on your face. He took note of everything you did. And he made a habit of coming in for tea even though the tea in the diner tasted like shit. But if you made it, he would make sure to leave an extra tip.

Levi made sure that it was you who would serve him everytime. If it were someone else, he would request for you immediately.

You never really noticed Levi, in all honesty. It wasn't his fault. It's not that he's not attractive. It's just that you were too far in your head to even look or strike a conversation with him.

You were quiet and obedient and somehow Levi liked that about you. It just means you would put up a less of a fight. Means it would be easier to convince you. Means that you would always say yes.

Though Levi hoped that underneath that submissive nature to you, you would somehow have a backbone there. Being too compliant would bore him to death.

And he witnessed that when you suddenly snapped at a customer for being perverted. You were almost fired on the spot if it weren't for the fact that Levi testified for you.

That was the first time you truly noticed him.

Ever since then, you made sure that you would be the one to serve Levi everytime he came by. And you made his tea extra special, which he appreciated. It was the least you could do after he helped you out the other day.

Days passed and Levi had successfully scored a date with you. The first time he saw your apartment, he was really glad to see it clean and organized despite its dinginess and small size. It was all you could afford.

Levi suggested a stay-in date at your place, just so he could see if you were fit to live with him. Once he saw how great of a cook you are, how tidy you are and everything, he knew it was time to eventually convince you.

Sex with Levi meant that he would top you. All of the fucking time. And everytime it happened, he would always mutter the same thing to you:

"You're mine. All fucking mine."

Of course, you treated it as simple dirty talk. Men say that all the time, right?

Eventually, Levi brought up the idea of you living with him. At first, you declined. You couldn't possibly do that. But Levi having a silver-tongue meant he eventually convinced you.

Living with Levi was a walk in a park. You'd help him clean and would tell him that you would help out with the bills but you were surprised when he told you that you didn't have to worry about that.

"Just sit down and look pretty for me, brat. That's all you need to do. You don't have to worry about the money."

You didn't like that Levi didn't want you to help with the bills but you couldn't possibly retort something back. He let you live in a nice home with a nice bathroom. Who were you to have a say in things?

Days passed, and Levi somehow brought up the topic of you quitting your job.

"What? But I like—"

"Like being a waiter/waitress? Come on, Y/N. Your colleagues are absolute assholes and don't get me started on your manager. I see how he looks at you."

"I'm sure that's not true, Levi..."

"Are you doubting me?"

"W-What? N-No, I—"

"That's a good girl. You know I'd hate it if those dingy dickwads were to look at what's mine, right?"

You quit your job.

Levi knew you'd be bored inside the house so in return, he let you sign up in one of those online courses to keep you busy.

It was all coming into plan. Finally, he got the partner for life he always dreamed of. The one that would cook him dinner everytime he came home from work. Would pleasure him in bed when he's stressed. Would clean without him having to ask you.

You were so perfect.

People hadn't heard from you for months. But Levi convinced you that there's no need if people heard from you or not. Eventually, they would forget about you. You had no family, you had no friends, all you had was Levi.

And if you found out that Levi would lock you inside the house everytime he left for work, you would choose to stay silent.

And if he were to ask you to wear a chain around your ankle, who were you to say No?

After all, Levi gave you everything.

Levi was your everything.

And you were everything to Levi.

How could he ever share something so precious to the world?

[augustmoon259]

"Unholy Blood" Pureblood!Fem!Vampire Reader x Hayan Park

Ten years ago, people who could transform into vampires began to appear in Korea. Ever since then, these morphing vampires have been slaughtering people while hiding their true identities. But there's something that people don't know. A secret, that if it got out, would change the world and the way that people saw vampires forever.

Pureblood vampires. Vampires who are stronger, faster, and more powerful in every way. How do I know about them? Because I am a pureblood vampire.

o - o - o - o - o

My parents were both pureblood vampires. They used to live in Korea, before they had me. They decided to move to the US and settle down in a small town.

My life was a peaceful one. Sure, it was hard trying to hide my identity as a vampire, but it wasn't that bad. I was homeschooled, up until I was ready to go off to college.

College was a new experience for me. I had fun making new friends, taking classes taught by different teachers, and being in a new environment. I went home to visit my parents during breaks.

I wish I had gotten to say goodbye to them, if I knew that I'd never be able to see them again.

o - o - o - o - o

It was winter break. I was excited to see my parents again and spend time with them during the holidays. I had plans for movies we could watch together, games we could play, and more.

The bus stopped in my neighborhood, and I got off, still brimming with anticipation. That is, until I saw the smoke.

The smoke was coming from the direction of my family's home. I ran there as fast as I could. When I got there, I saw the firefighters putting out the last of the flames.

Our house was a complete wreck. I frantically rushed past the onlookers and firefighters to dig through the rubble, and search for my parents. I was dragged away, still screaming and sobbing.

Later, the police told me about what had happened. It was reported that two explosions were heard from our house, and then a fire started not long after. The firefighters were dispatched, but it still took a while for them to get from the station to our house. They found my parents' bodies, unrecognizable as they were.

The explosions were written off as gas leaks, since our house was an old one. This may have been a reasonable explanation to anyone else, but not me. I knew better.

We were pureblood vampires.

Any regular vampire that manages to consume the heart of a pureblood vampire would become a pureblood vampire themself. We knew this, but we thought we were safe here in the US, when vampires began to appear in Korea ten years ago.

My parents must have sacrificed themselves to destroy their hearts, along with their attackers.

Our mailbox still had some mail in it. Bills to pay, letters for my parents, and letters for me as well. I expected this. What I was not expecting was the note left in the mailbox, addressed to me.

If you want revenge for your parents' deaths, come to Korea.

I crushed the note in my hand.

Whoever came after my parents didn't succeed, but it cost my parents their lives. Now they're after me. They know I exist.

Fine. If they think I'll be easy prey, I'll prove them wrong.

o - o - o - o - o

Living in Korea was different from living in the States.

I had applied to study abroad, and the university I applied for was Hanguk University. I managed to rent an apartment at a decent price in a modest neighborhood. I heard that there was a nice church in the area, run by a priest who also takes care of orphans from the nearby orphanage.

It was hard enough adjusting to life in another country, never mind one where bloodthirsty monsters come out at night. Lucky for me, I had the distinct advantage of being one of those "monsters".

Admittedly, not only did I feel guilty for not being able to prevent my parents' deaths, I realized what a privileged life I had been living. All my life, just on the other side of the world, there were innocent people being terrorized by vampires.

But now I'm here, and I have the power to do something about it.

I'd find whoever was responsible for my parents' murders, and I'll rid the world of vampires, one bastard at a time.

Between going out at night to kill vampires, and scrounging up information about their secret hierarchy and criminal underworld, I was also busy with my normal, "human" life.

I attended the orientation for my new university.

Yet it wasn't at the orientation that I'd meet the woman who'd change my life.

o - o - o - o - o

The first day of school was always the same: new students rushing to find their classes, old students saying hi to their friends, and teachers making note of who to look out for that year.

I greeted a few people I had met at the orientation, but there was one girl who was going around greeting...everyone. She was quite pretty, with dark brown hair and eyes.

She was so enthusiastic, bowing her head at every person she came across, that I couldn't help but smile.

With her friendly demeanor, I was sure she'd already have made plenty of friends, but I noticed later that she had no one to sit at lunch with. I myself was sitting alone, but that was of my own volition. I debated whether or not to go to her table and sit with her, but I opted not to, in the end.

Over the next few days, I kept seeing her around. She still greeted everyone cheerfully, and had earned the nickname "Miss Popular" around campus. I found it very fitting for her.

Things continued on like this. Her, greeting everyone with enthusiasm but sitting alone. Me, silently watching her.

I decided that I had done enough observing, and that it was time to formally meet her.

Bringing my lunch with me over to her table, I sat across from her. She had started eating her lunch by then, so when I unexpectedly arrived at her table, she choked on her food.

"Hey! Hey, are you okay?!"

I got up from my seat, prepared to do the Heimlich maneuver if necessary, but she waved a hand to stop me, and grabbed a nearby water bottle with the other hand to drink. She beat her chest a few times until she was no longer gasping, and I sat down when I confirmed that she was fine. Other people who had noticed the incident went back to eating their lunches.

We sat there, awkwardly gazing at each other, until she groaned and covered her face with her hands in embarrassment.

"Nice going Hayan...first person who decides to sit with you at lunch, and you make a fool of yourself..."

"Oh no, that was my fault! I'm sorry for surprising you like that...so, uh, your name is Hayan?"

Hayan took one hand off her face, before slowly removing her remaining hand.

"Yes, my name is Hayan...Park Hayan."

I introduced myself, and then we...shook hands. I decided to start a new topic of conversation, before Hayan had an existential crisis.

"Hayan...is it alright if I call you Hayan?"

She nodded her head affirmatively before waiting for what else I had to say.

"I hope this isn't out of line for me to say, but I've sort of been watching you for a while now. I notice that you always say hi to everyone, but you're still sitting alone at lunch? Um, Hayan, do you have friends?"

Hayan looked taken aback for a moment, before hanging her head in shame.

"It's...it's complicated? I've been trying to make friends, and since I didn't attend the orientation, I thought saying hi to everyone would be a surefire way to meet new people, but I haven't had much luck..."

"You didn't attend the orientation? So that's why I didn't recognize you. Hayan, if you're trying to make new friends, would you...like to be friends?"

"Seriously?! I mean, how could I reject?!"

Hayan enthusiastically slammed her hands on the table and jumped up, before sheepishly sitting back down when she noticed people's curious glances.

"Yes! Let's be friends!"

I talked with Hayan until lunch was over, and it turned out that we had a lot in common. Neither Hayan nor I were able to finish our lunches, busy as we were with chatting with each other. We decided to exchange phone numbers to keep in touch with each other.

After that, I wasn't occupied with just school and my nighttime activities. I hung out with Hayan outside of school. We went to cafes and coffee shops to get drinks and spend more time with each other.

She and I were the same age: twenty. When I applied to Hanguk University, I had to apply as a freshman, since not all of my credits from my previous college transferred over.

Hayan was looking forward to a get together that some seniors had organized at a pub. Students from every year would be there, and she hoped to meet other freshman besides me. I wasn't one for drinking, since vampires couldn't get drunk anyway, but I decided to go for Hayan's sake.

Gatherings of college students tend to go south pretty quickly, but it was what happened after that was a disaster.

o - o - o - o - o

The pub was crowded, noisy, and filled with the laughter and shouting of overexcited young adults.

I sat down at a random table with Hayan. When we sat down, I heard someone suggest a drinking game to lighten the mood. Next thing I knew, we were all pointing fingers at each other, and Hayan was the unfortunate person chosen to drink.

Two hours and several more drinking games later, Hayan was still unsuccessful at making another friend. I was surprised to note that Hayan was not a lightweight at all. She had drunk nearly twenty bottles of soju by herself! And If I was being honest with myself, I thought that made her even more amazing than she already was.

"Hayan, do you want to go home now?"

"Ah, yeah, I guess so...It seems my latest plan to make friends failed..."

In my head, I could see the comical tears of defeat in her eyes.

Hayan got up and grabbed her bag, but before we left the pub, a senior announced one last drinking competition. It was between a heavyset senior named Jang and anyone who dared to challenge him. If no one won, the freshman had to show off a talent during our start of year trip.

I knew what was coming before anyone else. I decided to take bets, and when the drinking match was over, I made a nice one hundred thousand won from people who had bet Hayan would lose.

Actually, calling it a "match" would be wrong. It was so one-sided, I almost felt bad for Jang.

Hayan finally got her wish granted. I saw two freshman asking Hayan for her number to join their study group. As I looked at Hayan's giddy face, and the admiring expressions of everyone else around us, I felt happy for Hayan.

Just when Hayan was making a toast to her victory, the sirens went off.

The joy of everyone around us immediately died out, to be replaced with worry and fear instead.

People scrambled to gather their belongings and leave the pub, and I hurried over to Hayan's side.

"Come on, Hayan. We'd better go. The sirens mean that vampires will be out soon..."

"Right! Um, let's go!"

We left the pub, prepared to follow everyone else in order to catch the last bus.

"Hayan! Let me walk you home!"

Before I knew what was happening, there was a random guy standing in front of Hayan. He completely ignored me. If that wasn't enough to piss me off, his condescending smirk and the arrogant way he held himself did. Let me guess, this guy's one of those idiots who try to act macho in front of girls to impress them.

"Um, no thank you. I already have a friend I'm walking home with..."

"A friend? Sure you do. Come on, what are you so afraid of? Me?"

"Hey buster, back off. She already said she's got someone to walk home with!"

I shoved him away. As he recovered from my unexpected interference, he quickly masked his anger with the same infuriating smirk. He gave me a once over, before his smirk widened.

"So this must be the friend you mentioned. Well, I can always walk you both home."

Great. Just great. Not only is he wasting our precious time, he's hitting on Hayan and me.

"Tch. Fine. Clearly you're invested in walking with us, for some unfathomable reason, so I'll deign to let you join us, but only if I'm between you and Hayan."

He seemed to be more interested in Hayan than me, so I thought putting myself between her and him would get him to stop talking. Instead, he kept blabbering on about how vampires are no big deal, and there's nothing to worry about.

He's extremely lucky that we finally made it to the bus stop. Otherwise, I might have punched him.

There were some people running to get on the bus before it left. The annoying guy was still flirting with Hayan, but my attention was diverted when I heard a crash. The three of us turned our heads toward the source of the noise.

It was a man who had been thrown on the ground. The other man standing above him was obviously a gangster, a loan shark out to collect his debt. My intuition told me something bad was going to happen, and not because of the loan shark.

Sometimes, I hate being right.

It happened faster than the human eye could see, but I could discern perfectly with my vision. The man on the ground thrust his arm straight through the loan shark's chest.

As he stood up and shoved the now dead body off himself, the vampire walked closer step by step to Hayan and I. The annoying senior had long run away. He really was just a coward in the end. I would deal with him tomorrow. Right now, I had bigger things to worry about.

Normally, I'd just transform and then kill this no-name vampire, but I had to worry about Hayan. She was digging through her bag, looking for something. If only the bus was still around. Then Hayan could have run away and escaped.

I made a split second decision.

"Hayan. Listen to me. Run away as far as you can and don't look back."

"What? But, what about you? I can't leave you here alone!"

"Damn it Hayan, please just run away!"

"And where do you think you're going, bitch?!"

The vampire lunged towards Hayan and grabbed her hair. Before he could bite her, I transformed and slammed him to the ground. I smashed his head in, and watched as his body scattered into dust.

With the immediate threat out of the way, I checked on Hayan. She had fallen on the ground when the vampire let go of her hair. I helped her as she stood up weakly. Hayan blinked, as she alternated between looking at the crater where the vampire used to be, and me. I spread my arms out to either side, and gazed steadily back at her.

"This is me. This is who I really am. I'm a vampire, a monster that people want dead. Hayan...do you hate me too?"

I waited with bated breath for her answer. The truth is, I could erase her memories. Make it so she never remembered what happened this night. But I didn't want to.

Ever since my parents died, I had no one else who knew the truth of who I really was. I was good at pretending. I've been doing it my whole life. But I needed just one person I didn't have to pretend with, and I hoped that person could be Hayan.

Hayan studied my white hair and blue eyes. She looked pensive.

"No...no I don't hate you. Because you're my friend."

She hugged me, and if I noticed that her hold was tighter than normal, I didn't mention it.

"Hayan...thank you."

I hugged her back.

We remained like that for a while, until I offered to take her home.

"Wait, you want to...you want to carry me?! In-in your arms?!"

"Well, yes. I could also give you a piggyback ride, but since I'll be running and jumping on rooftops, this should be more comfortable for you."

"O-okay."

Putting one arm under Hayan's legs, and the other supporting her back, I made sure Hayan was securely in my hold when I leapt from the ground. Hayan kept her eyes closed the entire time, until I landed with a thump in front of the church.

"Good night, Hayan."

I smiled softly and gave Hayan a small wave, before hurrying home.

o - o - o - o - o

Hayan and I grew closer after that night.

Since I no longer had to pretend I was human around her, I invited her over to my apartment, and vice versa. She introduced me to her "father" and her "siblings".

"It's nice to meet you sir. I mean, Father Michael. Um, Father-Michael-sir?"

As it turns out, Hayan was an orphan. I knew she lived in the same neighborhood as me, but not at the orphanage next to the church that I heard about when I first rented my apartment. The neighborhood ladies were always giggling about Father Michael, but he was more intimidating in person, even to a pureblood vampire like me.

"At ease. You're the friend Hayan has been talking about?"

"Sir, yes, sir!"

Hayan was fighting back laughter behind me, while I kept on sweating nervously.

"It's good she has a friend like you."

"Thank you, Father!"

I barely held back a sigh of relief that I seemed to make a good impression on Hayan's adoptive father. It was time to meet the younger siblings now.

"Woah! This is all for us?!"

Hayan's adoptive siblings, Yerim and Yunsu, bounced around eagerly when they saw I had brought bread for them. Hayan told me her siblings really loved bread, especially sticky rice bread. I had bought a couple for them from the school dining hall, and then went to a bakery to buy some more bread (mochi, sesame, tapioca, etc.) Since I couldn't eat any of it myself, I bought what was recommended to me by the baker, and hoped for the best.

"Hayan! You need to bring your friend by more often!"

"You are my new favorite person!"

"I thought I was your favorite person?!"

I chuckled as Hayan chased her siblings around in order to catch them and tickle them.

Hayan has such a lovely family. It's no wonder she's also a lovely person.

o - o - o - o - o

It was a normal evening at the university. I had stayed behind at school to work on homework and assignments with some classmates.

The student body was abuzz today with new gossip about the "super senior". He was the senior who had entered college nine years ago, and still had yet to graduate. This was none of my business. What was my business was that he was rude and a bully. In fact, just that afternoon, he had bumped into Hayan and insulted her instead of apologizing. If I saw him, I'd give him a piece of my mind, regardless if his family was well off or not.

After finishing our assignments, I accompanied my classmates on their way to get the last shuttle bus. To my displeasure, we had the misfortune of running into the aforementioned "super senior" Byungsu.

My classmates greeted him, but when he gave them no reply, they said goodbye to me and ran off to catch the bus.

I noticed that he seemed to be in a daze. Hayan did tell me that it seemed like he was sick, and looking at him now, I could tell that she was speaking the truth. Regardless of any beef I had with him, if he was feeling unwell, he should go see a doctor.

"Hey, Byungsu. Do you need to go to the hospital?"

He didn't answer, instead just glaring at me, and clenching his fists. Whatever was going through his mind at that moment was not pleasant. I wanted to ask him more questions, but we were interrupted by a man on the phone.

It was Professor Donggyu Park. He was not one of my professors, but Hayan said he's one of her favorites. He's very dedicated to his job, has memorized all of his students' names, and even speaks to students on days he doesn't teach. It looked like he was in a hurry to get home, judging by how he greeted us quickly and then got into his car.

I was too late to stop what happened next.

Byungsu threw Professor Park's car into the air. It flipped over and landed on its top with a crash. I dashed toward the car to check on Professor Park. He was bleeding from his head and unconscious, but he was still alive.

I was the one who was clenching my fists this time. Well, I had the perfect target to vent my anger out on.

This side of the school was deserted at this time of the night, and the security cameras were down for maintenance today. With no one watching me, I could kill Byungsu.

He was heading this way, no doubt to murder the professor.

I opened the car door, gently took Professor Park out, and placed him on the ground. Then I transformed.

"What the fuck, you're a vampire too?"

"Shut up. You won't be alive for long anyway."

My hand was enveloped in blue flames as I disappeared and then reappeared in front of Byungsu. I grabbed his face, and watched as it melted away. The fire burned everything and left nothing behind, not even ashes.

After de-transforming, I performed first aid on Professor Park and called 119.

When the ambulance arrived, I was questioned by police officers about what had happened. I told them the fake story I made up: I was with some classmates on their way to catch the last bus home, and then we ran into Byungsu. I went back inside the university to get something I had forgotten. When I came back outside, I saw Professor Park's car turned over and him inside unconscious.

I was held in questioning until the police contacted my classmates to confirm I was with them. Professor Park woke up after receiving emergency medical attention, and told the police he had also seen Byungsu. That, coupled with the sudden emergence of footage showing Byungsu had caused a traffic accident and killed the victims, all but cemented the fact that Byungsu the vampire had attacked Professor Park.

Byungsu was put on the national wanted list, and around campus people started calling me "The Lifesaver".

o - o - o - o - o

To recap, since school started, I became friends with Hayan, saved her from a vampire by revealing my secret, met Father Michael and Hayan's younger siblings, and also saved another person from a vampire attack.

My life in Korea had been extremely eventful, and it only became more so with the introduction of Detective Euntae Hwang.

It was another day at the university, and there were students outside of the school protesting the recent vampire attacks. I was irritated, but I could also understand where they were coming from. Recent examples like Byungsu had shown that it was all too easy for vampires to hide on campus.

I was with Hayan, and the two other freshman she had met at the pub.

"Excuse me, are you Hayan Park?"

We all turned around to see a handsome red haired man. I looked at Hayan, and from her reaction, she recognized him.

"Hayan," I whispered to her, "you know this man?"

"Yes," she whispered back, "he saved me and my siblings from gangsters this one time."

Well, if he helped Hayan, he could be a good person, but he could also be faking it...

"Oh, and you must be the other person I'm looking for!"

I pointed at myself in surprise. "Me?"

"Yes, you! Let me introduce myself..."

He smiled, before proceeding to tell us all how about how he graduated from the police academy at the top of his class...and how he was made captain of the criminal investigations unit...and how he was the superstar of the vampire task force....and...

I sighed and facepalmed.

"We get it, you're a detective. Please, we don't need to hear your entire life story..."

"Oh, silly me! I chattered on for too long, huh?"

Hayan's friends said goodbye before leaving us with the detective, blushes still present on their faces. As Hayan and I walked to the dining hall with the detective to continue our conversation with him, I noticed a lot of attention on us. Or rather, the detective.

By the time we got to our destination, Hayan and I had begrudgingly learned more about him.

He wasn't kidding when he said he was an expert about vampires. He had even invented a method to kill vampires: paralyzing them and then burning them alive in a furnace. To create such a brutal method, this man...he was dangerous.

I was on my guard while waiting for what else he had to say. He had ordered an entire table's worth of food, while I ordered drinks for Hayan and I. He insisted on buying food for us as well, but I rejected him quite firmly.

The detective, Euntae Hwang as he called himself, asked us about the vampire who had killed the loan shark. Apparently, that was what Detective Hwang was investigating. The police were trying to figure out how the vampire died, and if it was related to the recent case of Byungsu...

I could tell that Hayan was nervous around the detective. He must be bringing up bad memories of the vampire attack.

Detective Hwang didn't let up in his interrogation though. If anything, he got more extreme. Did he suspect Hayan and I were vampires? Well, that wouldn't do. I pondered how to get out of this mess, when something unexpected happened.

The detective cut his hand with the knife he was using for his food.

It was quite a deep cut, and the blood flowed steadily from the wound.

"Ouch! I cut myself! I guess my fingers were too tense..."

Was he that desperate to reveal us as vampires? I'm glad I had the foresight to order a drink, so that I had something else to focus on instead of the blood. But it made me upset that Hayan seemed to look even more uncomfortable now.

"Detective, why don't you go to the nurse's office and get a bandage for that cut?"

"Are you sure? I can always get a bandage at the police station..."

"No, no, you should definitely go and get that checked out. The sooner the better."

"Alright then. I suppose this is goodbye for now."

'For now?' I hope that's 'forever' instead. The detective left after packing up the rest of his food, and I wanted Hayan and I to go home as quickly as possible, but Hayan insisted on buying some sticky rice bread for her siblings. I was going to object, but caved after Hayan gave me her best pair of puppy dog eyes.

The line for the baked goods was long today. We waited for a while, until we finally bought the bread and left the dining hall. But, we ran into the detective on our way out.

"Hey, we meet again!"

I facepalmed, for a different reason this time.

"Yayyyy...so glad we keep running into each other."

If he noticed my sarcasm, the detective didn't comment on it.

"Well, we'd love to stay and chat more, but Hayan has to go home and take care of her very sick siblings..."

"Huh? But my siblings aren't -"

"Yep! Very sick! Oh the poor little ones!"

I grabbed Hayan's hand and we speed walked away from the detective...

....

....

"It's time for us to takes matters into our own hands! Let's prove that we're not vampires!"

Damn it.

The protestors from earlier were now cutting people in order to prove that they weren't vampires. It was chaos all around us. Some students were willing, but most thought that the student council protestors were taking it too far. I thought about going back inside and waiting for the chaos to die down. There had to be teachers who would stop this madness, right?

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked back to see it was Detective Hwang.

He leaned down to whisper to Hayan and I, "Just start walking." So we did exactly that, until we were stopped.

The student council members were blocking our path.

"Have you done the test to prove you're not a vampire?"

They weren't backing down. Hayan raised a complaint, but that only seemed to make them angrier. One of them grabbed Hayan's wrist, and I prepared to brush it off, but when he pulled back Hayan's sleeve, we all saw the bandage on her arm.

It was still wet with blood.

But whose? Is it...the detective's? From when he cut his hand earlier with the knife? When and how did he get the bandage onto Hayan's arm?

"You see? We already did it. Do you need more proof?"

Detective Hwang was calm and collected as he slid Hayan's sleeve back down. That should have been the end of the matter, but a new obstacle stood in our way: the student council leader.

"She could have gotten that bandage anywhere. I wasn't able to see her do the test, so I need her to do it again."

This was getting ridiculous.

The student council leader made a go at grabbing Hayan's arm again, but Detective Hwang caught him midair.

"It's a crime to go around using a blade on people against their will. Unless you want to be charged, I suggest stopping."

He flashed his police ID at the student council members, which was finally enough to get them to leave us alone. The three of us were able to get away from campus unimpeded.

I was reluctantly grateful for the detective. Hayan and I could have waited inside the university, but then the council members would have kept accosting other students outside. With the threat of police intervention, they'd be unlikely to continue.

"Thank you...Detective Hwang."

"Oh please, call me Captain."

"...Captain Hwang."

He added his number to Hayan and I's contacts, before the three of us parted ways.

o - o - o - o - o

I had gotten a text from Hayan.

I...I need you. Please...please come. I'm sitting in front of the pizza restaurant...

I knew exactly where Hayan was referring to. I grabbed my umbrella and my rain jacket, before quickly heading out to find Hayan. I had no idea why she'd send me such a strange text, but whatever the reason, it sounded urgent.

The rain was pouring, and Hayan was absolutely soaked.

"Hayan! You're going to get sick like that!"

I gave Hayan my umbrella to hold, while I went into the nearest store to buy a towel for Hayan. I came back out and gave her the towel to dry off while still holding onto the umbrella. After she finished drying off, Hayan looked...dejected.

"Can you tell me now why you called me out here?"

Hayan kept her head lowered as she explained what happened to her.

"Father Michael...he...he and I got into a fight."

"You got into a fight...? About what?"

"He...he's not letting me go to school anymore."

"What?!"

I was flabbergasted. Then, my astonishment turned into indignation.

"He...he can't do that! You haven't even finished the semester yet!"

"I know...I tried arguing against it, but he...he's made up his mind."

"Hayan..."

I was still aggravated on Hayan's behalf, but seeing her appear so defeated dampened my mood.

"Maybe you need to spend some time away from Father Michael...that could do both you and him good."

"But...where would I stay?"

"Don't be siily! You can stay with me!"

"Really...? You'd do that for me?"

"Of course!"

I gave Hayan a hug. She was no longer frowning, but grinning in relief instead.

Hayan stayed over at my apartment that night. She went home briefly to get her things and her scooter, and to tell Father Michael she was staying over at my place. That made him more upset, but Hayan didn't care. She was still mad at him.

My apartment was relatively small, so I didn't have a guest room for Hayan to stay in. She told me it was okay, and decided to sleep on my couch instead. I was embarrassed I couldn't get Hayan a more comfortable place to sleep.

The next day, Hayan and I decided to go on a walk in the neighborhood to cool off. It was raining again, and we saw a bunch of people gathered around the street gutters. They were panicking, and when we peeked inside the gutter to see the source of all the commotion, we saw a cat close to drowning.

I wanted to help the cat, but I didn't want to reveal my alter ego. Then, I came up with a brilliant idea.

"Attention, please! Does everyone here know what tug of war is? Yes? We can do something similar! Everyone here line up behind me, and hold on to the person in front of you! Then, pull with all your might!"

They did as I instructed, and with the help of my vampire strength, we were able to pull the lid off of the gutter and save the cat. Someone had called 119 beforehand, but since we all saved the cat, there was nothing left to do but get our picture taken in the newspaper. Hayan and I were one of the people who received the "Good Samaritan Award".

Hayan wanted to go home and tell Father Michael about how we saved the cat. I didn't think it was a good idea, but I conceded in the end. Surely Father Michael couldn't be mad about saving an innocent animal's life?

I was disappointed to find that I was wrong. Hayan came to me in tears. She had another argument with Father Michael. So another night passed where Hayan stayed over with me.

Father Michael called Hayan the next morning to tell her that he, Yerim, and Yunsu moved to another neighborhood. He sounded apologetic about the day before. He told Hayan that he moved her stuff to their new home, and if she'd like to come over to see it.

"Go ahead, I don't mind. You should check up on your siblings too."

I gave Hayan a thumbs up, and encouraged her to go. I'd still be there for her when she needed me. Hayan gratefully thanked me, and went over to check up on her siblings, and Father Michael. She called me later, in better spirits.

"I patched things up with Father Michael. It's still kind of rough, but we're making progress."

"Hayan, that's great news! Why don't you stay over tonight then?"

"Okay...."

Hayan stayed with Father Michael, Yerim, and Yunsu for the rest of the week, while I was busy with school. I had mostly accepted the fact that Hayan wouldn't be going to college anymore, but at least we could still hang out together outside of it.

o - o - o - o - o

I got a request from Hayan to come and watch over her siblings for her, while she went out.

"Thank you so much for coming over! Yerim and Yunsu are in bed, but if they wake up and need anything, I feel much better knowing you're there with them."

"It's no problem at all! But just out of curiosity, what do you need to go out for?"

"Father Michael still hasn't come home, even though it's already night time. He's never been this late before..."

"Oh, I see. You'll be going to the church then?"

"Yep!"

"Okay, I'll see you when you get back!"

I expected Hayan to come back with Father Michael, after dealing with whatever was keeping him busy at the church.

But instead, Hayan came back with a police officer and a coroner.

"Unnie, what's going on?"

Yerim and Yunsu were rubbing the sleep from their eyes after they had been woken up by Hayan.

"As Ms. Park requested, the three of you present, sans Ms. Park's friend, are the next of kin of Father Michael. It is with a heavy heart and our deepest condolences that we announce the passing of Myeongsu Choi on this night. We are sorry for your loss, and offer you all our deepest sympathies."

After the coroner announced the death of Father Michael, the police officer and the coroner left to allow Hayan and her siblings to grieve. Yerim and Yunsu were quiet, before tears started falling from their eyes.

"U-unnie, what did they mean? F-father Michael is dead?"

"Yerim....Yunsu..."

Since Hayan arrived earlier, she had tried keeping up a strong front for her siblings. But as she embraced them in her arms, I saw her shoulders trembling. I enveloped Hayan in my arms as the four of us stood there, the quiet of the apartment interspersed with the sniffles and sobs of Hayan and her siblings.

Three days later, Father Michael's funeral was held. Captain Hwang came, along with everyone in the neighborhood, to pay their respects to Father Michael.

I stayed with Hayan and her siblings the days after the funeral. Hayan and her siblings had to prepare to move out, because of the death of their adoptive father. I helped them pack their things back at the apartment, while Hayan visited the rectory to get Father Michael's belongings.

She later told me about the letters Father Michael had written to her.

"He wrote all those letters...for me....he wanted to give them to me, but never found the chance to..."

'And now he never would', was left unsaid.

"I found this too...a business card from the Red Bomb Club."

"Red Bomb Club?!"

That was a club I had found out about during my nighttime excursions. Vampires frequented the club, and even worse, they lured unsuspecting humans in to become their prey, by posing as a safe haven.

"Why did Father Michael have a business card?"

"I don't know, but I overheard police officers at the funeral say a bunch of them had been stuck in Father's pockets."

"Could this be related? You don't think...they killed Father Michael?"

"Not just think...I know they did."

Hayan looked absolutely enraged.

"What will you do now?"

"I want to get revenge. But there's something I have to tell you first...at the church tonight."

o - o - o - o - o

Hayan and I snuck away to the church after making sure Yerim and Yunsu were safe and sound.

The roof and the walls of the church had burned away, leaving gaping holes for the moonlight to stream in.

"Okay, we're at the church. What did you want to talk about?"

"Remember that day you saved me from a vampire? You were truthful with me then, so I want to be truthful with you now."

"Truth? What truth?"

"I'm...also a pureblood vampire."

Before my very eyes, Hayan pulled her hair free from her ponytail, and I watched as it lost its color. Her eyes that I loved so much turned blue, like my own eyes when I transformed.

"This...this is...."

"I'm sorry for not telling you sooner, especially when you told me first..."

"....Amazing!"

"Huh? You're not betrayed? Upset I kept this from you?"

"Why would I be upset, dummy? You're the first pureblood I've ever met aside from my parents."

"Your parents? You never talk about them..."

"That's because..." I hesitated before forcing out the words. "...they died."

"Oh...would it be alright if I asked how?"

"They died in a fire after sacrificing themselves."

"Just like Father Michael..."

Hayan and I contemplated our losses, and the tragedies that led us to where we were at present.

"Is it okay now if I asked about your life? How did you end up with Father Michael?"

"Father Michael...took me in when I was ten. I had no one and nowhere left to go. I hated myself so much that...I even tried to turn myself in for being a vampire."

"And Father Michael stopped you?"

"Yes...Father Michael became a second dad for me."

"What happened to your birth parents?"

"I can't remember. My memories of before I met Father...are unclear."

"Well, I'll help you get your memories back! After you get revenge on Father Michael's killer."

"Thank you...thank you so much..."

Hayan hugged me tightly, just like the day I saved her from the vampire.

After she and I let go of each other, I took Hayan's hands in mine.

"Hayan...I'll always be by your side. And I'm not just saying this because we're both pureblood vampires. Even if I wasn't a vampire, I'd support you no matter what. You're my friend, and I'll be there for you, through whatever hardships may come."

"And you can depend on me too. You don't have to shoulder your burdens alone."

Hayan and I left the church, our hands still interlocked.

[antiporn-activist]

The Children of Pornhub

Why does Canada allow this company to profit off videos of exploitation and assault?

By Nicholas Kristof, Opinion Columnist, Dec. 4, 2020, New York Times

This article contains descriptions of sexual assault. It’s also really long.

Pornhub prides itself on being the cheery, winking face of naughty, the website that buys a billboard in Times Square and provides snow plows to clear Boston streets. It donates to organizations fighting for racial equality and offers steamy content free to get people through Covid-19 shutdowns.

Yet there’s another side of the company: Its site is infested with rape videos. It monetizes child rapes, revenge pornography, spy cam videos of women showering, racist and misogynist content, and footage of women being asphyxiated in plastic bags. A search for “girls under18” (no space) or “14yo” leads in each case to more than 100,000 videos. Most aren’t of children being assaulted, but too many are.

After a 15-year-old girl went missing in Florida, her mother found her on Pornhub — in 58 sex videos. Sexual assaults on a 14-year-old California girl were posted on Pornhub and were reported to the authorities not by the company but by a classmate who saw the videos. In each case, offenders were arrested for the assaults, but Pornhub escaped responsibility for sharing the videos and profiting from them.

Pornhub is like YouTube in that it allows members of the public to post their own videos. A great majority of the 6.8 million new videos posted on the site each year probably involve consenting adults, but many depict child abuse and nonconsensual violence. Because it’s impossible to be sure whether a youth in a video is 14 or 18, neither Pornhub nor anyone else has a clear idea of how much content is illegal.

Unlike YouTube, Pornhub allows these videos to be downloaded directly from its website. So even if a rape video is removed at the request of the authorities, it may already be too late: The video lives on as it is shared with others or uploaded again and again.

“Pornhub became my trafficker,” a woman named Cali told me. She says she was adopted in the United States from China and then trafficked by her adoptive family and forced to appear in pornographic videos beginning when she was 9. Some videos of her being abused ended up on Pornhub and regularly reappear there, she said.

“I’m still getting sold, even though I’m five years out of that life,” Cali said. Now 23, she is studying in a university and hoping to become a lawyer — but those old videos hang over her.

“I may never be able to get away from this,” she said. “I may be 40 with eight kids, and people are still masturbating to my photos.”

“You type ‘Young Asian’ and you can probably find me,” she added.

Actually, maybe not. Pornhub recently was offering 26,000 videos in response to that search. That doesn’t count videos that show up under “related searches” that Pornhub suggests, including “young tiny teen,” “extra small petite teen,” “tiny Asian teen” or just “young girl.” Nor does it necessarily count videos on a Pornhub channel called “exploited teen Asia.”

I came across many videos on Pornhub that were recordings of assaults on unconscious women and girls. The rapists would open the eyelids of the victims and touch their eyeballs to show that they were nonresponsive.

Pornhub profited this fall from a video of a naked woman being tortured by a gang of men in China. It is monetizing video compilations with titles like “Screaming Teen,” “Degraded Teen” and “Extreme Choking.” Look at a choking video and it may suggest also searching for “She Can’t Breathe.”

It should be possible to be sex positive and Pornhub negative.

Pornhub declined to make executives available on the record, but it provided a statement. “Pornhub is unequivocally committed to combating child sexual abuse material, and has instituted a comprehensive, industry-leading trust and safety policy to identify and eradicate illegal material from our community,” it said. Pornhub added that any assertion that the company allows child videos on the site “is irresponsible and flagrantly untrue.”

II.

At 14, Serena K. Fleites was an A student in Bakersfield, Calif., who had never made out with a boy. But in the eighth grade she developed a crush on a boy a year older, and he asked her to take a naked video of herself. She sent it to him, and this changed her life.

He asked for another, then another; she was nervous but flattered. “That’s when I started getting strange looks in school,” she remembered. He had shared the videos with other boys, and someone posted them on Pornhub.

Fleites’s world imploded. It’s tough enough to be 14 without having your classmates entertain themselves by looking at you naked, and then mocking you as a slut. “People were texting me, if I didn’t send them a video, they were going to send them to my mom,” she said.

The boy was suspended, but Fleites began skipping class because she couldn’t bear the shame. Her mother persuaded Pornhub to remove the videos, and Fleites switched schools. But rumors reached the new school, and soon the videos were uploaded again to Pornhub and other websites.

Fleites quarreled with her mother and began cutting herself. Then one day she went to the medicine cabinet and took every antidepressant pill she could find.

Three days later, she woke up in the hospital, frustrated to be still alive. Next she hanged herself in the bathroom; her little sister found her, and medics revived her.

As Fleites spiraled downward, a friend introduced her to meth and opioids, and she became addicted to both. She dropped out of school and became homeless.

At 16, she advertised on Craigslist and began selling naked photos and videos of herself. It was a way to make a bit of money, and maybe also a way to punish herself. She thought, “I’m not worth anything any more because everybody has already seen my body,” she told me.

Those videos also ended up on Pornhub. Fleites would ask that they be removed. They usually would be, she says — but then would be uploaded again. One naked video of her at 14 had 400,000 views, she says, leaving her afraid to apply for fast-food jobs for fear that someone would recognize her.

So today Fleites, 19, off drugs for a year but unemployed and traumatized, is living in her car in Bakersfield, along with three dogs that have proved more loyal and loving than the human species. She dreams of becoming a vet technician but isn’t sure how to get there. “It’s kind of hard to go to school when you’re living in a car with dogs,” she said.

“I was dumb,” she acknowledged, noting that she had never imagined that the videos could be shared online. “It was one small thing that a teenager does, and it’s crazy how it turns into something so much bigger.

“A whole life can be changed because of one little mistake.”

III.

The problem goes far beyond one company. Indeed, a rival of Pornhub, XVideos, which arguably has even fewer scruples, may attract more visitors. Depictions of child abuse also appear on mainstream sites like Twitter, Reddit and Facebook. And Google supports the business models of companies that thrive on child molestation.

Google returns 920 million videos on a search for “young porn.” Top hits include a video of a naked “very young teen” engaging in sex acts on XVideo along with a video on Pornhub whose title is unprintable here.

I asked the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children to compile the number of images, videos and other content related to child sexual exploitation reported to it each year. In 2015, it received reports of 6.5 million videos or other files; in 2017, 20.6 million; and in 2019, 69.2 million.

Facebook removed 12.4 million images related to child exploitation in a three-month period this year. Twitter closed 264,000 accounts in six months last year for engaging in sexual exploitation of children. By contrast, Pornhub notes that the Internet Watch Foundation, an England-based nonprofit that combats child sexual abuse imagery, reported only 118 instances of child sexual abuse imagery on its site over almost three years, seemingly a negligible figure. “Eliminating illegal content is an ongoing battle for every modern content platform, and we are committed to remaining at the forefront,” Pornhub said in its statement.

The Internet Watch Foundation couldn’t explain why its figure for Pornhub is so low. Perhaps it’s because people on Pornhub are inured to the material and unlikely to report it. But if you know what to look for, it’s possible to find hundreds of apparent child sexual abuse videos on Pornhub in 30 minutes. Pornhub has recently offered playlists with names including “less than 18,” “the best collection of young boys” and “under- - age.”

Congress and successive presidents have done almost nothing as this problem has grown. The tech world that made it possible has been mostly passive, in a defensive crouch. But pioneering reporting in 2019 by my Times colleagues has prodded Congress to begin debating competing strategies to address child exploitation.

Concerns about Pornhub are bubbling up. A petition to shut the site down has received 2.1 million signatures. Senator Ben Sasse, a Nebraska Republican, called on the Justice Department to investigate Pornhub. PayPal cut off services for the company, and credit card companies have been asked to do the same. An organization called Traffickinghub, led by an activist named Laila Mickelwait, documents abuses and calls for the site to be shut down. Twenty members of Canada’s Parliament have called on their government to crack down on Pornhub, which is effectively based in Montreal.

“They made money off my pain and suffering,” an 18-year-old woman named Taylor told me. A boyfriend secretly made a video of her performing a sex act when she was 14, and it ended up on Pornhub, the police confirmed. “I went to school the next day and everybody was looking at their phones and me as I walked down the hall,” she added, weeping as she spoke. “They were laughing.”

Taylor said she has twice attempted suicide because of the humiliation and trauma. Like others quoted here, she agreed to tell her story and help document it because she thought it might help other girls avoid suffering as she did.

IV.

Pornhub is owned by Mindgeek, a private pornography conglomerate with more than 100 websites, production companies and brands. Its sites include Redtube, Youporn, XTube, SpankWire, ExtremeTube, Men.com, My Dirty Hobby, Thumbzilla, PornMD, Brazzers and GayTube. There are other major players in porn outside the Mindgeek umbrella, most notably XHamster and XVideos, but Mindgeek is a porn titan. If it operated in another industry, the Justice Department could be discussing an antitrust case against it.

Pornhub and Mindgeek also stand out because of their influence. One study this year by a digital marketing company concluded that Pornhub was the technology company with the third greatest-impact on society in the 21st century, after Facebook and Google but ahead of Microsoft, Apple and Amazon.

Nominally based in Luxembourg for tax reasons, Mindgeek is a private company run from Montreal. It does not disclose who owns it, but it is led by Feras Antoon and David Tassillo, both Canadians, who declined to be interviewed.

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau of Canada calls himself a feminist and has been proud of his government’s efforts to empower women worldwide. So a question for Trudeau and all Canadians: Why does Canada host a company that inflicts rape videos on the world?

Mindgeek’s moderators are charged with filtering out videos of children, but its business model profits from sex videos starring young people.

“The goal for a content moderator is to let as much content as possible go through,” a former Mindgeek employee told me. He said he believed that the top executives weren’t evil but were focused above all on maximizing revenue.

While Pornhub would not tell me how many moderators it employs, I interviewed one who said that there are about 80 worldwide who work on Mindgeek sites (by comparison, Facebook told me it has 15,000 moderators). With 1.36 million new hours of video uploaded a year to Pornhub, that means that each moderator would have to review hundreds of hours of content each week.

The moderators fast forward through videos, but it’s often difficult to assess whether a person is 14 or 18, or whether torture is real or fake. Most of the underage content involves teenagers, the moderator I spoke with said, but some comes from spy cams in toilets or changing rooms and shows children only 8 to 12.

“The job in itself is soul-destroying,” the moderator said.

Pornhub appears to be increasingly alarmed about civil or criminal liability. Lawyers are circling, and nine women sued the company in federal court after spy cam videos surfaced on Pornhub. The videos were shot in a locker room at Limestone College in South Carolina and showed women showering and changing clothes.

Executives of Pornhub appear in the past to have assumed that they enjoyed immunity under Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, which protects internet platforms on which members of the public post content. But in 2018 Congress limited Section 230 so that it may not be enough to shield the company, leading Mindgeek to behave better.

It has doubled the number of moderators in the last couple of years, the moderator told me, and this year Pornhub began voluntarily reporting illegal material to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. After previously dragging its feet in removing videos of children and nonconsensual content, Pornhub now is responding more rapidly.

It has also compiled a list of banned content. I obtained a copy of this list, and it purports to bar videos with terms or themes like “rape,” “preteen,” “pedophilia” and “bestiality” (it helpfully clarifies that this “includes eels, fish, octopus, insects”). Diapers are OK “if no scatophilia.” Mutilation depends on context but “cannot depict severing parts of the body.”

So while it is now no longer possible to search on Pornhub in English using terms like “underage” or “rape,” the company hasn’t tried hard to eliminate such videos. A member called “13yoboyteen” is allowed to post videos. A search for “r*pe,” turns up 1,901 videos. “Girl with braces” turns up 1,913 videos and suggests also trying “exxxtra small teens.” A search for “13yo” generates 155,000 videos. To be clear, most aren’t of 13-year-olds, but the fact that they’re promoted with that language seems to reflect an effort to attract pedophiles.

Moreover, some videos seem at odds with the list of banned content. “Runaway Girl Gets Ultimatum, Anal or the Streets” is the title of one Pornhub video. Another user posts videos documenting sex with teenage girls as they weep, protest and cry out in pain.

While Pornhub is becoming more careful about videos of potentially litigious Americans, it remains cavalier about overseas victims. One Indonesian video is titled “Junior High School Girl After Class” and shows what appears to be a young teenager having sex. A Chinese sex video, just taken down, was labeled: “Beautiful High School Girl Is Tricked by Classmates and Taken to the Top of a Building Where She Is Insulted and Raped.”

“They’re making money off the worst moment in my life, off my body,” a Colombian teenager who asked to be called Xela, a nickname, told me. Two American men paid her when she was 16 for a sexual encounter that they filmed and then posted on Pornhub. She was one of several Pornhub survivors who told me they had thought of or attempted suicide.

In the last few days as I was completing this article, two new videos of prepubescent girls being assaulted were posted, along with a sex video of a 15-year-old girl who was suicidal after it went online. I don’t see how good-faith moderators could approve any of these videos.

V.

“It’s always going to be online,” Nicole, a British woman who has had naked videos of herself posted and reposted on Pornhub, told me. “That’s my big fear of having kids, them seeing this.”

That’s a recurring theme among survivors: An assault eventually ends, but Pornhub renders the suffering interminable.

Naked videos of Nicole at 15 were posted on Pornhub. Now 19, she has been trying for two years to get them removed.

“Why do videos of me from when I was 15 years old and blackmailed, which is child porn, continuously [get] uploaded?” Nicole protested plaintively to Pornhub last year, in a message. “You really need a better system. … I tried to kill myself multiple times after finding myself reuploaded on your website.”

Nicole’s lawyer, Dani Pinter, says there are still at least three naked videos of Nicole at age 15 or 16 on Pornhub that they are trying to get removed.

“It’s never going to end,” Nicole said. “They’re getting so much money from our trauma.”

Pornhub has introduced software that supposedly can “fingerprint” rape videos and prevent them from being uploaded again. But Vice showed how this technology is easily circumvented on Pornhub.

One Pornhub scandal involved the Girls Do Porn production company, which recruited young women for clothed modeling gigs and then pushed them to perform in sex videos, claiming that the videos would be sold only as DVDs in other countries and would never go online. Reassured that no one would ever know, some of the women agreed — and then were shattered when the footage was aggressively marketed on Pornhub.

Girls Do Porn was prosecuted for sex trafficking and shut down. But those videos continue to surface and resurface on Pornhub; last time I checked, videos of six victims of Girls Do Porn were on Pornhub, which continues to profit from them.

One of the Girls Do Porn women I saw on Pornhub is now dead. She was murdered at 20, allegedly by an angry ex-boyfriend who is about to go on trial. I’m not disclosing her name because she should be remembered as a vibrant college athlete, and not for a sex video that represented her most mortifying moment.

VI.

So what’s the solution?

I had expected the survivors to want to shut down Pornhub and send its executives to prison. Some did, but others were more nuanced. Lydia, now 20, was trafficked as a child and had many rape videos posted on the site. “My stomach hurts all the time” from the tension, she told me, but she doesn’t want to come across as hostile to porn itself.

“I don’t want people to hear ‘No porn!’” Lydia told me. “It’s more like, ‘Stop hurting kids.’”

Susan Padron told me that she had assumed that pornography was consensual, until a boyfriend filmed her in a sex act when she was 15 and posted it on Pornhub. She has struggled since and believes that only people who have confirmed their identities should be allowed to post videos.

Jessica Shumway, who was trafficked and had a customer post a sex video on Pornhub, agrees: “They need to figure out who’s underage in the videos and that there’s consent from everybody in it.”

I asked Leo, 18, who had videos of himself posted on Pornhub when he was 14, what he suggested.

“That’s tough,” he said. “My solution would be to leave porn to professional production companies,” because they require proof of age and consent.

Right now, those companies can’t compete with mostly free sites like Pornhub and XVideos.

“Pornhub has already destroyed the business model for pay sites,” said Stoya, an adult film actress and writer. She, too, thinks all platforms — from YouTube to Pornhub — should require proof of consent to upload videos of private individuals.

Columnists are supposed to offer answers, but I struggle with solutions. If Pornhub curated videos more rigorously, the most offensive material might just move to the dark web or to websites in less regulated countries. Yet at least they would then not be normalized on a mainstream site.

More pressure and less impunity would help. We’re already seeing that limiting Section 230 immunity leads to better self-policing.

And call me a prude, but I don’t see why search engines, banks or credit card companies should bolster a company that monetizes sexual assaults on children or unconscious women. If PayPal can suspend cooperation with Pornhub, so can American Express, Mastercard and Visa.

I don’t see any neat solution. But aside from limiting immunity so that companies are incentivized to behave better, here are three steps that would help: 1.) Allow only verified users to post videos. 2.) Prohibit downloads. 3.) Increase moderation.

These measures wouldn’t kill porn or much bother consumers of it; YouTube thrives without downloads. Siri Dahl, a prominent porn star who does business with Pornhub, told me that my three proposals are “insanely reasonable.”

The world has often been oblivious to child sexual abuse, from the Catholic Church to the Boy Scouts. Too late, we prosecute individuals like Jeffrey Epstein or R. Kelly. But we should also stand up to corporations that systematically exploit children. With Pornhub, we have Jeffrey Epstein times 1,000.

[clumsy-hood]

obey me! demon brothers + love languages (giving vs receiving)

prompt: how the demon brothers like to show and receive love

word count: 2,633

a/n: another late night attempt i wrote the night before and found in my notes. i really do appreciate feedback if anyone wants to shoot me a message. obey me, the ikemen otome games, and playchoices have really kept me nice and distracted during the pandemic so if anyone even wants to chat about any of those topics, i have thoughts and would like to hear yours. do this for a broke, bored bitch.

Lucifer

giving: quality time

There is no denying that the Avatar of Pride has a fairly hectic daily schedule—excluding his brothers’ shenanigans, that is still putting it mildly—so it seems best fit he best shows his love for you by simply spending time alone together. No matter if it’s a dinner date at Ristorante Six or spending the night together in his room listening to music, that time is strictly dedicated to you and no one else. You have Lucifer’s undivided attention—unless his brothers nearly destroy the house, then that is an entirely different story. One-on-one time with him may not always be as common as you’d like, but he sure as hell will put in the effort—so much so that if you’ve had scheduled plans for quite some time (ones he can’t afford to miss), he will rush every meeting, speed through paperwork, and all-in-all practically sprint to make it to you on time. 

receiving: acts of service

As much as he’ll go the extra mile to spend so much as a brief moment with you, the way to his heart is doing the little things to make life just a little more bearable for him. Mammon’s plotting to cheat some local low-tier demons? You’re there to redirect his plans to something less potentially chaotic. Lucifer forgot he had to make dinner for the house that night? You’re already on it so long as he helps with cleanup later. Beel ate someone’s food? You’ve already diffused the situation and now the brothers are heading on a snack run. At first, Lucifer was somewhat convinced you were trying to win his brothers’ favors until he realized every little deed or chore completed was to benefit him. Absolutely no ulterior motives planned! It wasn’t until you’d caught him half-asleep and hunched over the desk in his study and offered him a mug of hot tea did he realize how warm and cared for you truly made him feel. The poor guy just isn’t used to be loved and doted on. 

Mammon

giving: giving gifts

As greedy as he is to spend time with you, Mammon is convinced the best way to show you how much he truly cares for you is to give you anything and everything he can. You are the only person he can never bring himself to steal from—that’s just how special you are to him. In fact, you’re so important to him that every gift—no matter how big or small—given from him was purchased, won, or even made in the most honest ways possible. He sees you eyeballing a toy at a carnival? He’ll spend whatever money his broke ass has left just to win it for you. If you so much as mention in passing that you like a certain jacket, that boy will wait tables at Hell’s Kitchen for however long it takes to buy you what he thinks you deserve. You mean so much to him—a price that can never be paid, it doesn’t even exist—and even though you’re not nearly as materialistic as he tends to be, if he can’t afford to give you the world to see you smile, then he’ll damn well try to earn it some way or another. 

receiving: words of affirmation

Let’s face it, poor Mammon is often the brunt of jokes and insults from his brothers and the occasional low-tier demons, and your small words of kindness leave him a blushing, bumbling mess as he’d be quick to agree and accept your praise. Even if you complimented his hair or told him he had a cute smile in passing, it was as though someone lit sparklers in his chest and he couldn’t help how damn giddy he was. If the Avatar of Greed had a good idea, you were quick to agree and praise him—even defending his choices to his brothers whenever they dismissed or outright ignored him. The sound of your voice had become his favorite thing as though it could be the soundtrack of his day. Though, as much as he enjoyed your compliments and affirmations, you just listening to him vent or complain or even telling you about his day made him feel more heard than he had been for the longest time. And something about that was exciting and confusing all at once, but he knew he never wanted it to end. 

Levi

giving: quality time

The Avatar of Envy himself has mentioned that his type is someone he can spend time with—even if that means you both are doing completely different things. So long as you’re in the room with him, he feels completely at ease. It’s honestly one of the best ways he knows how to show how much he trusts you, simply by inviting you into his room and having you make yourself at home there. If you’re trying to read a book, he’ll offer a seat in his room to keep you nearby while he plays his newest game. And Levi loves inviting you to his room for movie nights or binge-watch whatever anime he’s sure you’re going to absolutely love and will keep peeking over at you to gauge your reaction or will occasionally pause it to explain certain plot points. The ultimate show of his affection? The second he invites you to play a video game together—no matter if it’s an RPG, story-driven, or an all-out battle raid—you know you’ve unlocked some type of high-tier level of trust with him and he never wants you to leave. 

receiving: receiving gifts

No matter how often you’d try to reassure Levi you cared for him and didn’t consider him a yucky otaku, your words never seemed to suffice. After plenty of trial and error to show you care, it was after you unknowingly purchased rare Ruri-Chan memorabilia as a gift for him did you realize how he best accepts love. Of course, everything you’d get him anything—even the smallest, most seemingly insignificant thing—he’d become a beet-red, stuttering mess spitting nothing but praise and adoration towards you. Because it means you listened to all the things he loves and went out of your way to show it. No matter if it was preordering a game he had mentioned wanting to play or even picking up a spare treat for him while you were out shopping, he always appreciated knowing you could be out there alone and still thinking of him. 

Satan

giving: words of affirmation

Everything the Avatar of Wrath says and does seem to be polished and refined, almost as though he has rehearsed several interactions that may happen to keep his rage at bay. Though, he is quick to realize it is slightly different to do around you. It isn’t that words are difficult for him but expressing them isn’t so much in average verbal praise as it is in written form. Out of all the brothers, he is the most likely to offer books with little notes of paper written inside for you to read, often comparing your relationship to those of fictional characters he has found. I mean, he’s even made you an entire picture book with his own created story starring the two of you just to show how much you truly mean to him. There would never be any doubt how much you truly mean to him, but when speaking those words aloud may come across as more aggressive than intended, it’s the written word where he truly shines in sharing his feeling towards you.

receiving: quality time

As much as he enjoys telling you—or rather, writing to you—how much you mean to him, he has a harder time simply accepting your words for what they are and claims he is not easily swayed with words as his brothers are. Instead, the best way Satan responded to your love and affection was simply from your mere presence. Whether your head rested in his lap while he read his book in his room or the two of you tested different Devildom and human recipes in the kitchen, your general being in the vicinity of him was enough to leave him feeling warm inside. After a suggestion from you, you both would even schedule time aside to take a stroll around RAD and Devildom, just a little adventure here and there where you’d try new restaurants or even pet the random cats you’d find. The demon had a way of coming and going as he’d please—often making acquaintances with those he’d meet—but you were always the one he looked forward to spending time with the most. He could hardly wait for whatever little adventure you’d experience together next.

Asmo

giving: physical touches

Given that he is the Avatar of Lust, it wouldn’t come across as too much of a surprise that Asmo shows his love and affection through physical touch quite often—so long as you’re comfortable with it, that is. Even though he’d regularly praise you with words, he’d much rather feel your hand pressed to his own or nonchalantly toy with your fingers while you relaxed with one another. If he thought your skin could use a little help, he’d offer hands-on assistance applying his regular regimen to your skin. He has such a gentle touch, if he saw you struggling with your hair in any way—tangles or just struggling to style it?—he’d be quick to offer help and would miraculously make it as painless as possible. And of course, he’d practically shower you in kisses—on your wrist, your lips, your cheeks, your forehead, your tummy, your fingertips, your ear, your neck, your nose, etc. If he could every inch of you with his love—in a less lewd way—he would in a heartbeat.

receiving: words of affirmation

While he’d love you reciprocating his physical love with touches of your own, there is nothing Asmo seems to truly desire from you more than the validation of him, his beauty, and your love for him. You knew the demon was well familiar with past lovers singing praises of his beauty and sexuality, but you had no idea just how much he sought your validation until he’d confessed how much your thoughts of him mattered. It would become a habit to wake up to him tangled beside you, whispering an ‘I love you’, and to be greeted with a gentle kiss. If he was ever overwhelmed or concerned with his overall image, you were quick to cease those worries with reminders about how beautiful he was and what a lovely heart he had as well. The moments you had admitted you loved his soft nature and gentle touch and warm embrace left an odd fluttering feeling in his chest. He knew he loved you, but it seemed he had no idea how much until you’d tell him those three words and gave him your undivided attention.

Beel

giving: acts of service

Honestly, Beel was never sure the best way of showing his love for you—he was always worried he’d say the wrong thing or that his hunger would get the best of him. He knew he cared for you and never wanted to cross any boundaries so he figured he’d do little things here and there just to see you smile. If he was excited to try new foods, he’d always get extra just for you. He wasn’t always the best with cooking, but if you mentioned you were homesick for the human world, then he’d ask Barbatos or Luke to help him make human food for you—and some for him to sample. If the Devildom weather left you feeling chillier than usual, he’d offer his jacket—although it was so massive on you, it practically pooled at your feet once he draped it over your shoulders. If you had passed out in the library, Beel wouldn’t hesitate to offer carrying you back to your dorm—or his, per your request. And if he found out you skipped a meal, I swear to Diavolo you are the only one he would ever share snacks with without a second thought. He just wanted you happy, healthy, and in Devildom with him and his brothers. 

receiving: quality time

For all the little things he enjoys doing for you, spending quality time with the Avatar of Gluttony is the best way to his heart—aside from food, that is. Offering to go out with him to Hell’s Kitchen for lunch or inviting him in the kitchen while you make cheeseburgers are the simplest ways to see him grinning wide. Even movie marathons in your room were a treat for him—and not just because he’d have brought a tub of popcorn—but it was an excuse to have you pressed against him and he loved that a little more than the bucket of buttery goodness in his lap. It could be a challenge at times with how packed both your schedules could be—especially if he had several back-to-back Fangol games—but you did your best to make it work. In between classes, you’d meet up and make time for little conversation, offering him a snack if you had anything on you, before going on with your day. If he needed a spotter or someone to record him working out? You were there in a heartbeat. It seemed like a lot of work sometimes to find moments alone together with everyone else around, but he was worth it. Beel would always be worth it. 

Belphie

giving: quality time

Belphie was never sure the best way to show you how much you meant to him; after all, he was the Avatar of Sloth so he wasn’t as accustomed to offering gifts or doing your chores around the house. But he found the most successful way was to simply spend time with you whenever he could. His brothers often vied for your attention, so if it meant carrying you on his shoulder to take you to the attic room for some one-on-one time then so be it. He did everything he could to stay awake so he could listen to you talk about your day, often nuzzling into your neck and pressing lazy kisses with a sleepy grin. He even tried to make it to more council meetings and RAD classes just so he had an excuse to spend time with you immediately afterward. His absolutely favorite moments would be any time he’d wake up before you or the ones where you’d like curled up against him because he knew he trusted you well enough to sleep on you, but a warm, fuzzy feeling enveloped him wholly, realizing you trusted him enough to do the same.

receiving: physical touches

Similar to his brothers, Belphie could be more than a little greedy for your time and attention—especially any sign of affection—but the best way to show any love was best translated through gentle touches. If you played with his hair and caressed his cheek during a cuddle session, that boy would let out the softest sigh and doze off quickly to sleep. He wouldn’t ever openly admit it out loud but loved the feel of your hand wrapped in his or the way your legs would get all tangled together whenever you were sleeping at night. And your hugs would honestly make his day. If Lucifer was starting to get to him, you’d swoop in with a comforting hug while his heart was practically pounding right out of his chest. Maybe Beel ate the food he was saving? You were quick to salvage his mood with a kiss to the cheek and a squeeze to his arm. He never understood how you could be such a lifeline for him, but somehow a simple touch from you kept him tethered to the rest of the world and left him enjoying being awake. 

[meliaaizawa]

HITOSHI SHINSO

Sho and Mei first encountering one good boi, Hitoshi Shinso... I made it shorter than I was anticipating. Will obviously write more about Shinso later though.

*Meiya’s POV*

As I got through teaching class 1B, I walked down the halls of U.A. High to get to the teachers lounge. I lay down my papers and notes taken from class and stacked them neatly on my desk. It was now one of my favorite times of the day... lunchtime. I was the only teacher in the lounge right now, until I looked up to see Vlad King walk in. “Nice work today with my students, CC. They are still so far from being heroes, but that’s what the next three years will be for. I already think your talk on different quirks will help them in developing them further,” he said to me as he approached his own desk to set his things down. “Thanks, Vlad. I’ve been reading up on all of their individual quirks. Your class looks like it’ll be a fun one to work with!” I said, continuing the conversation. As the two of us talked, more and more of the teachers started to enter the lounge. It was still only the beginning of the third week of school, so we were all still getting into the groove of our new schedules. After dropping off their stuff, most of the teachers ended up going to the cafeteria. I was now talking to Ectoplasm when I saw my husband walk in and set his stuff at his desk next to mine. “Yeah, that sounds good to me!” I said to Ectoplasm as we made plans for karaoke on Friday night. I then went back over towards where Shota was standing at his desk, looking though his notes.

“Hey there, Sho, you ready for lunch?” I asked him. Still looking at his notes as he put them on his desk, he nodded and said, “mmhmm.” I pulled out our lunch cooler and grabbed his arm. “C’mon then! I’m starved,” I said, pulling him towards the door of the lounge. I let go as we entered the hall of students. It was known by all the teachers that we were married, but we always tried to keep our relationship among the students more private. It wasn’t necessarily a secret marriage or anything, but it was only rational to make sure the knowledge of it didn’t spread to the extent that villains would have any kind of leverage over us. We walked together to the stairs and walked all the way up to the roof. We sat on the ground across from each other and I unpacked our bento boxes from our lunch cooler and we began to eat. “You know, my class seemed to really be interested in your lecture today... you did good,” Shota began. In between bites I replied, “thanks, Sho... though I don’t know why you said I did good when you slept through the whole thing.” He grinned. “I didn’t need to hear it to know you did good. The students' bragging was enough to show it,” he said. “I see why you didn’t actually expel any of them this year, though... there’s a lot of potential in that bunch,” I said. “I’m glad you’re able to see that too,” he said before asking, “do you have any counseling sessions this afternoon?”

Apart from being the quirks teacher, I am also the “quirk counselor,” which pretty much means that I meet with any students that may have questions or need a better understanding of their quirk in a one-on-one setting. I love it because I get to know the kids on a more personal basis that way. “Yeah, I do!! Just one session, though... and it’s with a first year student from General Studies, so it should be interesting,” I answered him. The remainder of our lunch break flew by. It was never long enough, but I always enjoyed getting to hang out with Sho in the same spot we hung out as kids. We both headed back downstairs. Shota had a free period, as All Might was teaching class 1A. I, however, gathered the things that I needed and headed to the room where I was to meet the student. I sat on the couch, reading though his profile when I noticed him standing in the doorway. “Oh! Hey there, you must be Hitoshi Shinso,” I said, getting up and welcoming him in. I taught the general studies students once in a while, so I had seen him before. He came in and went to sit in the seat across from the one I was sitting in. “Sweet hair, dude, we match!!” I said with a bright smile, pointing out my hair of a similar shade of purple. He looked at me, but didn’t seem too amused. "Thanks for meeting with me, Control C-Sensei,” he said. I smiled as I took a seat. “Please just call me CC.”

“So, Shinso... tell me a bit about your quirk,” I said, pulling out my pen to take notes. “Well... it’s called ‘brainwashing,’ and it allows me to control a person’s actions. In order for it to work, it needs to be activated, then a person must reply to my voice. I can then command them to do things and they'll obey it,” he explained. I looked at him wide-eyed. “That’s quite a powerful quirk you have there!! I noticed in your file that you applied to join the hero course... are you wanting to be a hero?” I asked. He nodded. “As you know, the practical portion of the entrance exam isn’t really suited for a quirk like mine... but yes, I want to be a hero,” he said, looking down at his hands. “If I could understand my quirk better, I could figure out how to actually use it heroically,” he said. I nodded. I could tell he wasn’t confident in his abilities and was having a hard time seeing his own potential. *He reminds me of Shota* I thought to myself. “I certainly understand that... I hope I can help you however I can,” I said. I always want my students to feel like they can tell me anything and trust me, so I always try to tell them about my own history in figuring through my own quirk.

“Have you ever heard of the villain called Conniver? It’s been years since he’s done anything, but he could copy people’s quirks and would use it against them... he is my father, and I have a quirk similar to his. I can copy the quirk of someone if they tell me a secret while I touch them. It was difficult growing up with people knowing I had a villain as a father. They assumed that I would use my quirk to become just like him, so I had a hard time figuring out how to use my quirk... heroically, like you said. Anyways, I decided when I was young that I would never use it in an evil way. I would never deceive anyone or trick them into giving me their quirk. I wanted to make sure people could truly trust me before copying their quirk. In short, I did my best to ignore the naysayers and focus on those I could trust... and that’s how I was able to grow,” I explained, realizing that I was ranting a bit. “Oh sorry!! I’m talking a lot, I don’t really know why I’m saying all of this!!” I said.

“I guess I’m trying to say... for a student who is wanting to be a hero but is stuck in General Studies... don’t give up! Focus on becoming a hero, and don’t listen to those trying to tell you otherwise. Even seemingly useless quirks can be used heroically, and I’m going to do my best to help you discover more about your quirk,” I said, looking at him. He was looking at me very attentively, as if he appreciated what I was saying. He didn't speak much, but I could tell his mind was busy at work... Just like Sho. I smiled. “I won’t say it will be easy, but if you trust me and work hard at it, I will do my best to help you,” I said, standing up and bowing. “I apologize that I talked nearly the whole time, but the bell is going to ring soon, so you should head off to your next class,” I said, heading towards the door. “Next week, we can start figuring out the details of your quirk,” I said. “Thank you again, CC,” he said, bowing politely before heading out into the hall towards his next class.

*Shota’s POV*

The Sports Festival... easily the biggest event during each year at U.A. Televised worldwide, and hundreds if not thousands of people in attendance... and somehow I ended up here this year... “Heya Eraser, my brotha!! Crazy couple of rounds so far huh??? I think you should try and pick up the slack on your commentary a bit!!” Mic said to me right after the cavalry battle ended. “I’d rather not. We both know I don’t want to be here. It’s because of my injuries that I can’t do anything else but sit here... I didn’t have a choice,” I said to my overly energetic friend. Mei was assigned to be on standby at the third-years competition this sports fest. I’m almost certain she was probably the one that suggested to the Principal that I sit with Mic today... I’ll have to get her back for it later. “Eraser, here are those files you asked me to pull,” I heard the voice of my colleague Vlad say. “Thanks, Vlad,” I said as he handed me the stack of them.

I studied through them, figuring out what to expect from the upcoming one-on-one battles. I came across the file for the General Studies course. *That’s why he sounded so familiar... it’s the student that Mei started counseling a couple weeks ago... Hitoshi Shinso.* I read through his file, including the notes that Mei took on him and his quirk. “Has been stereotyped by his peers as having a villain-type quirk.” *Reminds me of Mei...* I read through the rest of his file, interested in learning more about this aspiring hero that didn’t make it into the hero course. “Woahhhhh Shota!!!! You didn’t tell me you and Mei had a kid!!!!” Mic exclaimed from over my shoulder, looking at Shinso’s photo in the file. “Don’t be an idiot. The kid is 15, he’s much too old to be our child,” I replied to him, still looking down and not at him. “But look at him!! He has your scowl and Mei’s purple hair!!! You can’t possibly convince me that he’s not secretly your child,” Mic continued. “Just drop it, would you, Mic? It’s about time for the final event to begin,” I told him, not wanting to think too much about Mei and I having a child. It was a pipe dream.

*Meiya’s POV*

It was a long day at the sports fest, with a lot of cleanup afterward. We managed to get it all done though, so we would have the following day completely off. Shota was still suffering from his injuries that he got at the attack on the U.S.J., so when I was finished helping clean the arena of the second-years sports fest, I went to retrieve my sleeping husband from Recovery Girl. We went home, and I helped him put on fresh bandages after he got washed up. It was late, but we were both starving, so I made some food and Shota joined me at the table. “So how did the first-years do?? I am excited to watch the recap of it,” I said, as I didn’t see any of it since I was busy working the other. “It was quite a spectacle. There’s so much raw potential in this year’s hero course... oh... and that boy you have been so fascinated by participated,” he said as I then fed him a bite of food... his hands weren’t exactly operational at the moment. “Oh!! Shinso?? Good.. I told him he should participate in the sports fest! How did he do? What do you think about him? I think I’m so 'fascinated' by him because he reminds me of you back in the day,” I said. “Funny... he reminds me a bit of you. He did well, all things considered. Made it into the final round in fact,” Sho at replied. “He made it in the top sixteen?? Oh! That’s so great!” I said before taking another bite. “That’s probably just the confidence boost he needs,” I added. Shota nodded. “Yeah… In fact, I am interested in talking to him at some point. Perhaps I can show him a few things that’ll help him in his journey to become a hero,” he said to me.

I looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Did he really do THAT good at the Sports Fest? Enough to grab your attention?” I asked, a bit surprised at my husband’s interest in a first year General Studies student. “To tell you the truth… he didn’t do all that great. His first and only match in the finals was against Midoriya. He managed to activate his quirk, but Midoriya somehow broke through it,” he explained. “But yes, he has grabbed my attention. I think partly because I can see myself at that age in him. But also… it was something that Yamada mentioned... He was convinced that Shinso was our child or something,” Shota said, and even though I couldn’t see his face under his bandages, I could tell his eyes were sad. We had wanted our own kids for years, but couldn’t have any. Perhaps if we did actually have a son, he would’ve looked similar to young Shinso. I chuckled slightly. “Honestly, I can kind of see what he means. He has your soft sleepy eyes,” I said, reaching over and moving his long black bangs out of his eyes so I could look into them better. “And he has your hair,” Shota replied, lifting up his hand to stroke my long purple hair, only to remember that his entire arm was bandaged. I chuckled again and took his hand and kissed it, then just held it in my arms. “I think you would be an amazing mentor for him, Sho… You should come meet him. He’s a great kid,” I said, stroking his injured arm. “When’s your next session with him?” he asked. “It’s next Thursday right after lunch… Perhaps we could do that one together,” I said, smiling at him. He nodded and replied, “yeah.” 

[halothenthehorns]

All in the Family

Chapter 42: Talon's and Tea Leaves

"I thought you could only see Dementors if you saw someone die?"

"They're not thesterals you dumbass!"

James groaned as he struggled to open his eyes this time. For a moment he thought he hadn't accomplished it at all, before he realized they were in a very dimly lit room, but at least it was quite warm. Sitting up slowly with still shaking hands, he found himself in a very pleasant cushion, a roaring fireplace behind a teacher's desk only a few feet away.

Sirius and Regulus were already up and aware, bickering with each other, and the others were getting more unsteadily to their feet and glancing all about them to make sure there was truly nothing more about to pop out at them. Where they were exactly though was a bit of a mystery.

One quick glance out the nearest window showed him to be looking north, and as high up as they were and in a circular room no less, he was positive they must be in a tower. It was odd though, as the North Tower wasn't used in his time, so he really hadn't a clue what the tea set up all around was for, nor the plentiful cushions instead of seats like a class would normally have. In front of him was a steaming blue teacup just waiting to be drunk.

There were two books in front of him, one he vaguely recognized as Harry collecting while he was in Diagon Alley, and the dark purple book leading them around this madness. He'd never cared about Divination a single moment in his life before now, but he continued putting the obvious together rather than dwelling on anything else. "I think we're in Harry's new Divination class."

"Figure that out all on your own did you?" Frank rolled his eyes as he looked through the teachers desk curiously. James was beginning to think he'd actually like this guy if he weren't such a prick, he had a natural curiosity about him that clearly, without anyone around to enforce them, he was all to willing to indulge. As of now, he wasn't taking the accusations thrown at Sirius any more lightly from some Ravenclaw who didn't know a damned thing about his best-friend.

"Well get to reading, would you Prongs," Remus prompted, sitting on a poof so forceful beside him, he felt compelled to see if anything had come out.

"Eager to get to your classes?" Wormtail chuckled as he came over and helped himself to some tea.

"Urgh, I still can't imagine it. Moony, at the front of the class!" Sirius snickered as he sat down on his other side and began nudging James' foot. James kicked him in the shins before he began.

James still didn't continue right away. He really wanted a chance to talk to his friends, really have a conversation about this future and all that seemed to have happened to them. This was extremely private though, and not just because of Moony or even Padfoot. He just wanted some time with his friends again, back in their dorm. He'd always loved being the center of attention; nicking students textbooks to juggle them, telling raucous jokes, chasing the Snitch about, but always at the end he'd crept off to his dorms and have a late night conversation just the four of them before bed.

Judging by their expressions, the others felt the same, but there was nothing to be done for it except power on. "Talons and Tea Leaves."

"Well, we got the second part," Peter smacked his lips in appreciation as he'd finished his glass in record time.

"I swear you've scalded all your taste-buds off," Sirius rolled his eyes.

"It's good," he defended, reaching for a clean cup to pour more. "Much better than bags."

"Must be bitter, I've not seen any sugar," Remus looked genuinely hurt for this misfortune, it was likely all that was stopping him from making his own cup.

"The one time I don't have any honey on me," Sirius smirked.

"Bloody hell, they won't shut up about the damned chapter title." Evans grouched from the opposite side of the room. "We're never getting out of this blistering hot room."

James watched her for an even longer time than usual, but for once couldn't think of anything to say to her. He'd always been endeared by her, the ferocity in her every step, how intense she was over every subject, especially him. He fancied himself the hero who was going to rescue her from Snivellus the useless idiot. She'd spurned him, but never enough the thought had ever crossed his mind she wouldn't see what he was doing eventually. Now though, if she really thought so little of Sirius? Surely she didn't mean it, thinking him a murderer? The flare wasn't truly gone, but he looked away lest something he would actually regret passed his lips towards her.

Malfoy was a pleasant distraction, the git.

"Somehow I doubt that boy's as funny as he thinks he is," Lily scowled in Potter's direction, then her brow furrowed when he glanced up at her and looked away remarkably quickly. "Not that this is a new development for boys." She finished pointedly. He made no reaction, and her feelings quickly rose to true bafflement. She twisted a strand of her hair around her fingers in curiosity for a moment, before she decided she didn't care and turned away.

None of them were paying Hermione's little conundrum any real interest. So the girl was taking some extra classes and worked them into her schedule, however she and McGonagall had pulled it off likely wasn't interesting in the least.

Regulus muttered to himself when Hagrid announced boasting about his coming class. He'd tried striking up a conversation with Sirius, to try and talk to him and see if he couldn't find out what had spooked him around that Dementor. He'd never imagined a look like that could appear on his face, and he truly just wanted to help. Instead he'd been insulted and the prat had walked away to be with his friends once again after his ignorant comment, now he was left by a trapdoor in the floor as the kids in the book struggled to find the tower they'd been dumped into.

"Well she's going to be a character!" Alice burst out laughing for the description of this Trelawney professor.

"She already sounds like a fraud to me," Frank muttered without interest as he finished shuffling through her papers with nothing interesting to note. He plopped down in her high-backed chair and surveyed his surroundings, admittedly enjoying the atmosphere provided.

"Why's that?" Lily asked in surprise, as she continued looking through Unfogging the Future by Cassandra Vablatsky. None of it was really any more fantastical to her than turning a rabbit into a pair of slippers.

"Well it's all a load of tripe, obviously," Frank looked surprised at her. "None of this stuff is real," he waved vaguely around the room, where a crystal case of glass-balls could be seen, there were some medallions of unrecognizable symbols on a few patches of carpet, and the ceiling above had smoke imprints that may have more significance than Lily had guessed.

"Why's that?" She repeated even more curiously.

"Yes, do enlighten us Longbottom," Sirius sneered from his poof. It was hardly an intimidating posture, crossing his arms while sunk into a giant purple cushion, but he still somehow thought he managed it. "Continue telling us what is and isn't true from your wild experience."

Frank scowled a bit without looking over, continuing to address her as if there had been no interruption, almost. "Me mum's always been very clear about this load of tosh. You can't predict the future, even magic has limitations and that's one of them. Certainly no such thing as Seer's, prophecies, and signs from the beyond."

"We use unicorn horns as potion ingredients," Lily still sounded more polity argumentative for Frank's position on this than anything. "How is that more outlandish than applying astrology in practice?"

"What's that?" Frank blinked in confusion.

"Oh, I know this one!" Potter's hand suddenly shot up as if he really were in some class again, the eager look back upon his face speaking around her now present again. "Muggle's use it to define things about their birth based on the stars! Evan's is an Aquarius, that symbol that looks like a mouth."* He looked quite proud of himself until she turned incredulous eyes on him. He looked unabashed for several more moments before he actually realized she was just staring at him with that expression again, the one she'd had on her face since the train. He quickly turned back away, unwilling to diagnosis what this new feeling she was directing towards him was so long as she was still holding to not acknowledging Sirius' innocence.

"I see you've actually been paying attention in your Muggle Studies class," Pettigrew finally broke the silence when Potter hadn't continued right away, just kept staring at the book again like he was waiting for something. "Professor Burbage would probably give you ten points if she were here for that."

"I thought we were supposed to be doing that assignment over our own astrological symbol?" Sirius accused.

"She suggested it," he shrugged without remorse, before finally continuing on.

The class continued in mostly uninterested silence. Frank and Lily did not pick up on their conversation again, and James kept reading absentmindedly through Trelawney's chatter as he tried, for once, not to think of her. He finally got a reprieve when all four of them burst out laughing at Harry receiving a Grim in his cup.

"Oh that's brilliant," Sirius chortled hardest of all, now eagerly grabbing for his own cup and pouring himself a glass. "Think I'll get a stag?"

"I doubt the point of the exercise was to get your favorite animal," Alice rolled her eyes at them, but was ignored as they continued with this game.

"Nope!" Peter popped the p for emphasis as he looked gleefully into his cup. "I got a bloody rose! Maybe I'll find true love," he snorted, setting his cup down with an eye roll.

"According to this," Remus was flipping curiously through pages while still sipping his own, "it means deep emotion, friendship, infidelity, and betrayal."

His friends continued another round of snickering, while Remus repeated the process on his own cup he'd just finished. "Ooh, I got a lightning bolt. Wonder if I'll be the next Boy Who Lived."

"Merlin I hope not, it would be awkward as hell to be related to you," Sirius smirked.

Remus ignored him and pointed at what he'd found, "apparently it means 'you will be betrayed by one who calls you a friend.' Merlin, are all of these just depressing?"

"I got something that looks like a set of wings, or maybe a bird?" Sirius was squinting and tipping his head from side to side to try and get some kind of visual.

"That could either mean peaceful, or an enemy." Moony snorted.

"I'm genuinely disappointed it wasn't a Grim," James snickered, refusing to admit the plummeting feeling in his gut as he eyed his own cup and swore he saw the same. He hung around with a 'grim,' once a month and wasn't going to let a cup spook him now. Before his friends could ask about his, he kept going on with Harry's time.

The situation was made even funnier when they reached McGonagall's class and his own son ignored the lesson on animagus'. It took everything in him not to laugh at that.

"McGonagall's a breath of fresh air to those kids," Frank snorted, hoping to instigate Lily into talking again, but she was swirling the dregs of her own tea around and just looked forlorn now. He stood up from the desk and circled around so she couldn't miss his apologetic smile in the shadows. "Sorry, if err, I offended you. Over the whole-"

"Oh, no," she quickly said, placing the chipped blue cup back down and giving him her whole attention. "Just, distracted," she casually flipped the book shut as if it had suddenly bored her.

"Right, yeah," he awkwardly rubbed at his neck and left her to it, more disappointed than he thought he'd be Potter had quickly burnt through the next lesson over something in Transfiguration. The change of topic would have been nice.

Lily smiled distractedly again until he turned away, trying to convince herself surely it was a coincidence she'd seen a snake...

Regulus was growing a little jealous of the meal the trio of kids were enjoying, even if they were still bickering over it, so was happy enough when the subject was changed. He was still avoiding his own teacup, he didn't want to tempt fate like Aunt Misapinoa was always going on about. If anyone was a real Seer, it was that woman, and he couldn't understand why Sirius was laughing all this off. Still, he knew his brother had a liking for magical creatures, and this one should be easy enough to engage him in. "I've a friend who's taking Care of Magical Creatures, and he hasn't mentioned anything about Hippogriffs."

"Not all teachers follow the same plan," it was Lupin who looked up and explained polity enough, his tone surprisingly gentle and calm for never having directly spoken to him before. "This is a bit advance, we didn't do these until our fourth year, but Hagrid may be showing off a bit."

"You didn't take Care of Magical Creatures?" Sirius didn't look up, but instead snorted crudely into his cup. "Let me guess then, Arithmancy and Study of Ancient Ruins."

"The two you didn't look twice at, too difficult for you," he snapped, quickly growing tired of his resistant brothers constantly fluctuating ability to look at him. The idiot truly seemed incapable of making up his mind if he wanted to talk to him or not! It seemed impossible he could come to any decision ever, let alone one so monumental as murdering people!

His mental tirade came up short in surprise at the thought, and he sucked on the inside of his cheek for a moment trying to analyze further if he had anything else to back this thought up as Potter continued.

Hagrid was doing quite well. The lesson was truly enjoyable, until Malfoy got involved. The git.

"I wish that hippogriff had ripped his whole bloody arm off, the insolent brat!" Sirius snarled in frustration.

"You know, it may be Padfoot, that comments like that make them think you're capable of such violence," Peter offered helpfully, even pointing his thumb to the three unimpressed faces.

Sirius grumbled for a moment before turning purposefully his seat. "I'm not going to defend myself from a bunch of idiots who don't know how to take a joke!" Then he turned back and looked quite pleased with himself for it.

James let out a little huff of breath that none of them could decide if it was suppressed laughter or annoyance at his best mate egging them on. They certainly all grasped what the following expression was as he read out Harry's reminder of Sirius Black supposedly being out there stopping his son from going to see a friend! He muttered tersely under his breath until his heart melted in sympathy for Hagrid. Then he wanted to dump his head in the water-trough again for suggesting any child of his shouldn't be wandering around school. He instead warned the chapter was near completion, and they all did whatever they could to brace themselves for the next skip.

*The symbol is actually supposed to be water, or waves or something, but that's what I thought it was at first until I read it.

[drarry-fanfiction7]

True Love Touch - Part 3

Summary: “The curse was quite forward in its intent, Harry had to give it credit for that, not that it was a particularly good thing. Truly a great thing to be cursed with if one was painfully single and painfully not in love with anyone.”

Or, the one where Harry is cursed with a love spell and Draco doesn’t get any sleep.

Part 1 | Part 2

Words: 4.7k

Tag: @missnightingale1971​ asked me to tag them when I updated. Hope you enjoy!

(can also be read on my ao3 @/invisible_slytherin)

________________________________________

Malfoy was laying down on the grass when Harry came outside before supper.

It had been hard to convince Ron and Hermione to let him leave the tower at a time when people were awake and moving around the castle. He had almost given up on it, Hermione had been adamant about having him stay in the common room at all costs and Ron had looked at him with such a concerned gaze that it had almost pinned Harry to the sofa.

He had had to bring up the fact that he hadn't been outside and gotten some fresh air in way too long, that he needed to leave the tower and that he was starting to feel like a prisoner. His friends still hesitated but ended up letting him go when he promised he would avoid all the busy corridors and would just go outside and avoid everyone.

Of course, in a weird turn of events, avoiding everyone didn't include Malfoy.

Harry walked up to Malfoy, casting a shadow over him and making him open his eyes with an annoyed expression.

"Get away from the Sun, Potter," he said.

"Hello to you too," Harry grinned and moved to sit next to him.

"Shouldn't you be in your confinement, princess?"

It wasn't the first time that Malfoy had made the princess joke. He liked to make fun of Harry by saying he was like the damsel in distress in every fairytale who was waiting for the love of her life to save her from eternal danger.

"I was let out of an hour or so."

"How daring."

"What are you doing out here anyway?" Harry asked, laying back on the ground.

"It's a beautiful day to enjoy some rays of sunshine."

"Sure, I believe that."

Malfoy sighed and Harry heard the rustling his robes made as he shifted next to him.

"I wanted to get away from the castle for a while. It was getting suffocating. Either Pansy and Blaise are hanging off my arm or someone is sending glares my way and I needed a time out."

"I know what you mean. I'm getting tired of looking at the same walls all the time."

"I would be too if I had to look at Gryffindor walls for more than five minutes."

"How do you even know what Gryffindor walls look like? You never saw them."

"I don't need to see them to know that they are horrible. Gryffindors aren't known for their impeccable taste." Malfoy turned his head to give him a pointed look.

"You're funny, Malfoy," Harry rolled his eyes.

"One of my many qualities."

It was still weird to joke around with Malfoy. It was weird to talk to him so naturally and laugh with him. After everything that had happened between them over the years, having this normalcy with him that resembled the starts of friendship was weird. But it wasn't unwelcome and that was what surprised Harry the most.

"I asked my mother to send me some book from our library and I've been reading some," Malfoy started. "They're about curses. If you want, I can lend you the ones I'm not reading and you and your little friends can see if they have anything of interest."

There was still a condescending tone to Malfoy's voice in the way he was calling Ron and Hermione his 'little friends' but Harry knew that he was saying it in a more self-preservation way. He was already showing that he cared by asking his mother for the books, by reading them and offering to lend him. Harry knew that Malfoy still liked to hide beneath the mask of a perfectly unbothered expression, but what mattered was under that mask and Harry was learning how to see that.

"I think that'd be great. We haven't been making much progress," Harry said. "Thank you, Malfoy."

Malfoy shrugged, still determined not to show anything that he was feeling.

"I'll give them to you tonight," Malfoy said, getting up.

"How do you know you'll see me tonight?"

"Because we are terrible at staying in bed all night. And because you always seem to find me," another pointed look aimed at him. "So, find me, Potter."

He turned and left without saying anything else, without waiting for a confirmation that Harry would meet him that night. He didn't need a confirmation though, Harry knew without an inkling of doubt, that the moment Malfoy had said to find him he had made up his mind. Harry would find him that night and he knew that it wasn't only for the books.

***

McGonagall was in the common room when Harry got there. She was standing next to the table where Ron and Hermione were sitting, pointing at a book that was opened in front of them. Hermione was nodding along to what she was saying, jotting down notes on the parchment in front of her and Ron was attempting to read the book from the other side.

"Hello," he said, sitting down on the side of the table where there wasn't anyone.

"Potter, about time you appeared." McGonagall peered at him over her glasses. "I thought you were supposed to stay in the tower."

"I just went for a walk," he mumbled, feeling like he was 11 and being scolded by her again.

"Professor McGonagall thinks she found something to help you, Harry," Hermione said softly. "It's an old potion."

"Yes. I have found a potion in my researches that is known to break curses much like the one you've been carrying."

"That's great!" Harry said, eager to be able to go out whenever he felt like it and go back to eating in the Great Hall and all the normal things he had had to stop doing.

"I still need to run it through Professor Slughorn and then we have to wait until the potion is complete, but we have something," McGonagall reassured him.

Harry grinned and leaned back on his chair. After, a month of staying in the tower and not being able to touch anyone, he was more than ready to go back to normal, go back outside and go back to hugging his friends and being playful with his mates without fearing all the bruises that would come with any touch.

"I will tell you once things are ready. In the meantime," McGonagall looked pointedly at him. "Stay in the tower, Potter. I don't think you want to be hurt more than you need to."

She had a serious expression on her face and Harry wanted to be annoyed that she was ordering him to stay confined, but there were some lines of worry on her face that told him that part of the reason, probably the biggest part of the reason, she was doing all of this and telling him not to go anywhere was because she was worried about him and what could possibly happen if he went out and interacted with people.

"I will," he told her, purposefully ignoring that he would be leaving the tower in just a few hours to meet up with Malfoy.

Technically, he didn't need the books that Malfoy had gotten for him anymore, but he still had to meet up with him to let him know that. He couldn't just let Malfoy stranded and waiting for him the whole night with the books he had kindly gotten for Harry. Kindly. A word he never thought he would apply to Malfoy, but that was what Malfoy had been, kind enough to ask his mother for books for Harry.

McGonagall grabbed her book and left with one more pointed look in Harry's direction. Hermione reached out a hand and put it on the table near Harry's arm, not touching him but showing that if she could, she would give his arm a supportive squeeze. Soon, they wouldn't have to hold back.

"I'm glad things will go back to normal soon," she said.

"Yeah, I was getting tired of being here all the time. I even miss class."

Ron snorted and Hermione smiled.

"Now that's something I didn't expect to hear. Who would have thought that Harry Potter would miss not going to class."

"Miracles do happen," Harry shrugged.

"I personally don't think that I would ever miss classes," Ron grinned when Hermione glared at him. "I'm kidding, Mione, don't worry."

"You better. Classes are important and they give you knowledge that's going to be useful to you at some point in your life. Missing a whole year of school last year was more than enough."

"You're right," Ron reached out to move a curl from her face. "You're completely right."

"I think we don't need to research anything tonight then," Harry smiled, stretching his arms above his head.

"I would still like to look over some things before you take the potion, Harry. However, even if we don't do any research on this tonight, we still have to study. Not going to class makes it even more important to study on your own and I want to make sure that you know the things we've been learning before you go back and feel overwhelmed by everything."

Harry groaned, playing the part of the annoyed friend who didn't want to study. He didn't want to study, he'd rather spend his night doing anything else, but this was Hermione, who always worried about him and who was always there for him. Hermione who wanted to make sure that he knew enough about everything so that he wasn't lost when he went back to class. And he couldn't say no to Hermione after she did so much for him, not only now but over the years.

"We can start with Defence maybe?" Harry suggested, thinking that spending a night studying was worth it to thank Hermione for everything.

Ron rested his head on the table and groaned, not happy with the idea.

"Why, mate? Why?" He poked Harry's shoulder and turned to his book, neither of them remembering the curse for a second.

***

Harry walked down the stairs of the castle, the cold touching his skin through the clothes. His fingers were freezing where they were holding the Marauders' map in front of him, his eyes following the line to the name Draco Malfoy.

Malfoy was on the first floor and Harry had a feeling that he had chosen that place just to be an inconvenience and make Harry climb down all the stairs from the tower. It seemed like the kind of thing that Malfoy would do, make sure that Harry knew that they weren't friends and that he wouldn't make his life easy at all.

He hurried down the stairs, not wanting to make Malfoy wait too much in fear that the other boy would think he wasn't going to show up. When Harry hopped down the last step, he mumbled the words to erase the map from the parchment and closed it, putting it inside his pocket.

Malfoy was sitting on the floor at the end of the corridor, half-hidden in the shadows. Harry walked slowly up to him, steps careful and silent as not to be heard. He still didn't know how last time Malfoy had been able to know he was there when he was being careful.

Harry hadn't given up on startling him, though.

This time, he was even more careful with his steps. He walked on the tip of his toes and held his breath for as long as he could, his whole body tense with the effort to make no noise at all.

His efforts were rewarded when Malfoy didn't look up or make any remarks. If he had noticed Harry, he would have said something.

Harry bent down slightly, holding the cloak close to him as not to let it touch Malfoy in any way, and put his face close to Malfoy's ear. Malfoy's eyebrows furrowed and, before he could turn to look, Harry intervened.

"Hello, Malfoy," he whispered.

Malfoy jumped, eyes widening in surprise and a squeal leaving his throat. Harry pushed the cloak off of himself and laughed louder than he should have considering it was the middle of the night and they weren't supposed to be out of their common rooms.

"You're not funny, Potter," Malfoy grumbled, a glare set on Harry.

He dusted off his pants and sat back against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest to make sure Harry knew he was mad at him. Harry sat next to him, still chuckling, and put the cloak on the floor next to him.

"It was pretty funny."

"Annoying. That's what it was."

Harry grinned at him and noticed the three books that were stacked on a pile on Malfoy's other side. He had actually brought them then. Malfoy had actually asked his mother for books so that he could help Harry out and he was bringing them to him. Harry had believed when he said he would be bringing them, but after everything that had happened between them through the years, it was good to have in front of him the confirmation of how much Malfoy had changed.

"Malfoy," he started. "I don't think I will need the books."

Malfoy frowned and Harry took a moment to think that maybe that hadn't been the best way to start the conversation. Malfoy was doing something nice for him and Harry was telling him that he wouldn't need it.

"I mean," he hurried to say, desperate to make sure that Malfoy didn't misunderstand how grateful and happy Harry was that he was willing to help out. "McGonagall was in the common room when I came inside a few hours ago. They found a way to end the curse."

"Oh," Draco breathed out. "I'm glad then. That they found something."

"Thank you for helping me, though," Harry said.

"I didn't exactly help," Malfoy rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, but you were going to," he shrugged. "And, anyway, you did help. You kept me company when I couldn't sleep."

"Because neither of us knows how to fall asleep at night and you always seem to find me."

"Why are you trying to find justifications for all of it?"

Malfoy stayed in silence and Harry turned his face to look at him. His expression was closed off yet pensive. He seemed to be thinking about Harry's question and how to answer it, which was more than Harry thought he would do. He had thought that Malfoy would simply brush it off and make a snarky comment, but it wasn't happening.

"I think," Malfoy started. "I think that I'm scared."

Harry blinked, startled at the candid admission. He hadn't expected Malfoy to be so truthful with him, to open up in that way and say something that was private and personal. Malfoy opening up to Harry seemed like an impossibility, implausible. But here they were, in a dark corridor, in the middle of the night and Malfoy was telling Harry that he was scared.

"Scared of what?" Harry's voice was soft, softer than he had ever used when talking to Malfoy, softer than he had ever thought he would use with Malfoy.

"Scared that it will make me vulnerable," Malfoy hesitated, but he had already started talking so there was no going back. "If I hide everything I'm thinking and feeling, then it will be easier to pretend those things were never there and it will be harder to get hurt."

"I don't want you to hide from me."

"Sometimes hiding is just easier. And safer."

And Malfoy was right. Hiding was easier and safer, but that didn't mean it was the best option. It didn't mean there wasn't something amazing about opening up to someone and letting them know what's inside of you. Harry had some trouble doing it too, but something about this Malfoy that was sitting next to him and that had been talking to him for weeks, made him want to hear everything he had to say and open up in return.

"I think that opening up is hard, but sometimes it's worth it. Sometimes letting yourself be known and letting other people know you is the best thing."

"I do think I want to talk," Malfoy said, his eyes meeting Harry's. "But my first reflex will always be to keep things inside."

"Maybe it's time to change that."

"Maybe it is."

There was a beat of silence. Malfoy was looking at Harry, his eyes travelling all over his face, trying to assess if telling Harry what he had been keeping inside was the best decision to make. Harry tried to keep his expression as open as possible, to keep his eyes on Malfoy and let him know that he wouldn't judge him, that he would be there to listen to what he had to say.

Malfoy licked his lips and nodded once to himself before starting, "The truth is that I was very curious at first. You had disappeared from the castle and no one seemed to know exactly why, and then I saw you that first night and I was even more curious. Because why would you be hiding away during the day and leaving all your adoring fans heartbroken but then come out in the middle of the night."

Harry rolled his eyes at the 'adoring fans' comment but didn't interrupt. He figured that talking this openly about himself was already taking a toll on Malfoy, he wouldn't forbid him from making any snide comments.

"And then I found out what was wrong with you. One of the things that's wrong with you, anyway," he smiled teasingly. "And I guess, I don't know. I was just worried. And I did want to help you but I didn't know how and that pained me."

"Don't beat yourself up over it," Harry shook his head, shifting so he was sitting closer to Malfoy. "No one knew how to help me. It was just a shit situation."

"I did the only thing I could do," Malfoy ignored him. "I wrote to my mother, hoping that she had some answers. She comes from an old family, maybe she knew something and, if she didn't, I asked for any books that she thought might help."

Harry felt warm. Every word that Malfoy said was going directly into his heart and exploding into tiny flames, setting him on fire from the inside out. He turned so he was looking directly at Malfoy and smiled at him.

"Thank you," he stared directly into Malfoy's eyes, hoping to convey everything he was feeling into that one stare. "It means a lot to me that you care."

Malfoy licked his lips and averted his eyes for a second, before turning them back to Harry, a determined flicker in them.

"I do care. I never thought I would, but I do care about you, Potter… Harry. I do care."

Harry gulped, his eyes never straying from Malfoy and his breath faltering in his throat. He wanted to say something, make sure that Malfoy knew that everything he was saying meant the world to Harry, make sure Malfoy knew that Harry cared about him too.

He wasn't sure how to articulate it, though. He didn't know how to put into words everything he wanted to say and everything he wanted Malfoy to know. He had never been quite good with words and with saying what he meant, not like Malfoy deserved him to be.

Malfoy was looking apprehensively at him and Harry was being stupid. He couldn't stay silent and let Malfoy worry that he had said something wrong, he couldn't let him feel like that after the other boy had been so honest with him. He had to say something, do something.

Harry smiled at him. A reassurance in itself but not enough. Never enough.

He shuffled even closer and Malfoy stared down at the diminishing space between them, the furrow between his eyebrows was the only thing that showed his confusion. Harry grinned and moved his hand, touching Malfoy's sleeve with his index finger.

"You know what I would do if I wasn't cursed?" Harry asked at last.

Malfoy shook his head.

"I would touch you. That's the thing I want to do the most. I would touch without fear of bruising my fingers. And I would kiss you without thinking that it would bruise my lips," he said. "I don't think I would mind a few bruises, to be completely honest."

"Don't be an idiot, Potter. You aren't getting injured when you don't have to."

"I think I do have to." His finger went walked along Malfoy's arm, not quite touching it, but climbing the length of the large sleeve. "I've been injured before because of this curse and it was just annoying. Getting injured after I touch you… That would be completely worth it."

"You're completely out of your mind," Malfoy shook his head, but there was laughter in his eyes and Harry knew he wouldn't be pushed away.

Harry met his eyes and smiled at him before finally, finally, letting his finger touch skin. His placed the pad of his index on the skin where Malfoy's shoulder met his neck and felt his breath get stuck in his throat. It had been so long since he had freely touched anyone, he felt like his brain was going to snap if he didn't continue feeling skin on his.

He rested his whole hand on Malfoy's shoulder and shifted closer, felt his cheek warming up with Malfoy's breathing. He turned his head slowly, swallowing around the lump in his throat. Malfoy's eyes were dark silver in the shadowy corridor, intense as they stayed connected to Harry's.

"Draco, I'm going to kiss you now."

"Do it, Potter."

And Harry did. He took on the challenge whispered against his lips and sighed when they met Malfoy's. It was everything he had been waiting for, everything he had wanted. It was all the touches he had been missing, it was all the intensity of life he had missed brought back to him. Malfoy was soft under him and Harry didn't think of the curse as he touched him everywhere he could. As he touches his back and his arms and his neck. He didn't think of anything except Malfoy, Draco, kissing him and never stopping.

Malfoy's hands had been on his lap the whole time, he had kept them there as he kissed Harry back. But now he raised them, he clutched at harry's robes with them at first, bringing him closer and closer until there was practically no space between them. When he moved again, he held the back of Harry's neck with his right hand and kissed him even harder.

And then it ended. The kiss stopped and Malfoy jumped away from Harry, leaving him dazed and wondering what had happened, how everything had shattered so quickly.

"I know you said you didn't mind the bruises but… I just held your neck. That must have been painful."

"What?"

"Your neck. I touched your neck."

Harry blinked, then raised his hand to touch his neck and shook his head at Malfoy.

"Don't worry, it doesn't hurt."

Malfoy didn't seem to believe him, so he patted the floor next to himself.

"Come back here, Draco."

Draco seemed thorn between worrying that he had hurt Harry and wanting to go back to what they had been doing before. Harry hoped that he chose the second option.

He sighed and sat back down next to Harry, keeping his hands firmly on his lap again.

"Let me see," he said. "Your neck. Let me see how it looks."

"Draco, come on."

Harry didn't want to scare him away. He didn't want Draco to see the bruise and decide that he wouldn't touch Harry again until the curse was removed. He didn't want that. He had been telling the truth when he had said that getting a few bruises would be worth it if he got to touch Draco and be touched by him.

"Stop being stubborn and let me see it, Potter."

Harry sighed, knowing that he wouldn't be able to get away from it and convince Draco to let it go. So, he turned his head to the right and let Draco look over the left side of his neck, waiting impatiently for him to finish his examination.

"How long do the bruises take to appear?"

Harry looked at Draco's frown from the corner of his eye and shrugged.

"A few seconds usually, a minute at most."

Draco's frown deepened and he grabbed his wand from his pocket. He cast a Lumos and looked at Harry's neck once more.

"Harry," Draco breathed out, his hand reaching out but not quite touching Harry's neck. "There's nothing."

"What?"

"There's nothing," Malfoy rushed out. "No bruise. No redness. Absolutely nothing."

Harry looked at him confused. Then stared down at his hands, at his fingers and palms that had touched Malfoy's skin and that should be black and blue but that weren't.

"I don't understand," he mumbled.

"Do you think it lifted on its own?" Malfoy asked.

Harry didn't know. No one had said it would, but then again, no one had known a whole lot about it in the first place. Maybe it had lifted on its own. Maybe it had been a temporary thing.

"My shoulder," he said suddenly, startling Malfoy as he started to shrug off his robes and jumper.

He turned his head to look at the place where Ron had poked him earlier than evening and, sure enough, there was a bruise in the exact same place.

"I-" he pointed at the bruise. "This was this evening. It couldn't have lifted in hours. Could it?"

"I don't know. But what's the other alternative?"

From his voice, from the rushed words and flushed cheeks, Harry knew that Malfoy was thinking of the same alternative that he was. The one that would explain why his touch didn't leave any bruises on Harry while Ron's touch had. They were thinking of the same thing, but it seemed impossible. It couldn't be.

"Do you think that…?" Harry asked, voice soft and unable to finish his thought.

"It can't be," Draco's voice was even lower, disbelief in every aspect of it.

"Would it be that bad? If it were true?"

Draco stared at the floor with his eyebrows furrowed, put his sleeves over his hands and sighed.

"It wouldn't be bad." He still wouldn't meet Harry's eyes. "But it doesn't seem like it could be true."

Harry shook his head,d told himself that he was brave enough to do and say what they both needed to be laid out in front of them and moved his hand so it was resting on Draco's thigh.

"It does seem that way, but… The evidence is there, isn't it?"

Harry's hand moved up, stopped next to Draco's hand and hesitated before holding it in his own.

"And it's not like we don't want it," he teased, trying to lift the tension.

Draco laughed. A small, breathy sound. Still unsure. But his hand squeezed Harry's and there was hope all around. Hope for the two of them.

"I guess you're right. Shocking as it is."

"It does happen sometimes." Harry smiled and his other hand came up to touch Draco's face, unafraid now. "You're just thinking too much."

"I do tend to do that," Draco nodded, but his eyes were back on Harry's lips Harry knew that they both agreed that conversation was overrated.

Harry wasn't sure if it was because of the month he had spent without touching anyone or if it was just because this was Draco, but every touch seemed bigger than it was, fuller and deeper. Every touch seemed to stroke his heart and make his breath hitch.

The curse didn't seem like a burden anymore. It would be lifted soon and for now, Harry was buzzing with the feeling of Draco's skin against his own. Despite the lonely month he had spent, Harry felt like he had ended up winning in the end. Winning more than he had ever asked for.

The End

___________________________________________

So this is it, the end of the story I wrote on a whim. Hope you enjoyed it!!

Shameless plug, but I made a drarry playlist while I was procrastinating if you want to listen it's on Spotify

Masterlist

[harveywritings92]

How you met: Shay x Death Doula! Reader

Info on the reader's profession: A Death Doula is a person who assists in the dying process, unlike a regular doula who offer assistance for women in labor, Death Doula's deal with well... death! But they don't deal exclusively with just children, they were like an early version of grief counselors mixed with hospice nurse and funeral director all rolled into one package, their service list would include: Giving emotional,social and Psychological support, creating death plans, helping with funeral and memorial planning, and guiding mourners to their rights and responsibilities.

===================================

Shay was assigned by Haytham to investigate the rumor that a previous dead member was apparently alive and well. They were dismissed as just so... until, Thomas Hickey appeared before the grand master claiming to have seen the man, a one Robert Bancroft a former banker and tradesman wandering the New York market district, now that wouldn't be strange except Robert had dead for three months now! And what's more, apparently the late Mr. Bancroft has also gone on to calling himself Philip McCray not much info on that name though.

Haytham sent Shay to figure out this mystery, To start him off the grand master directed the former assassin to the home of an Undertaker: Father's name [l/n] seems there been a disturbance at his place of business that might just give them a lead to this mystery. 

Shay was wary at approaching the large manor-like funeral home he heard whispers and accusations of the undertaker being a demon butcher who cut up bodies and ate their livers, others that he'd chop the limbs off and sew them to other bodies and used dark arts on them. Though Mr. Franklin who was an old friend of Mr. L/n assured Shay that those rumors were hogwash; what the experiments undertaker does with the deceased was simply a misunderstood science that will one day change the way everyone looks at life and death.

That didn't do much to calm the Irishman's nerves as the smell of Incense invaded his nose the closer he got closer the the mortuary, Shy paused for a moment to admire the birdcage shaped censers hanging by the door he thought them they were lanterns, but duty calls Shay walked inside where smell of lavender potpourri lingered in the air and the sound of arguing invaded his ears Shay followed where the voices were coming from and found himself in a large sitting room, where a y/ht y/hc woman in a black and purple dress around his age was arguing with older man.

"Well someone has to do something about this, The man's wife thinks we're hiding him!"

"I said no! No interrogations, no investigations, no bloody mystery solving! This will blow over soon."

"Yes and meantime Mr.Cray's wife is telling everyone under the sun, about how I'm some husband stealing harlot, While at the same time some ne'er-do-well going around pretending to the man!"

"The woman is grieving Y/n, you've been trained to recognize such delusions, she saw him die, their friend saw him die and...and..."

The man's voice trailed off finally noticing Shay watching them, he straightened himself up and cleared his throat, while the woman whip her head around to see what got his attention."Oh, a customer, Y/n go make some tea for... um" The Templar held his hand out. "Shay Cormac, and that won't be necessary... I'm here regarding a break-in three months ago?" the undertaker looked uncomfortable as he look at Y/n who this knowing smirk on her face. 

“Yes we.. Well my daughter's office was broken into..." He led Shay to back of the manor to Y/n's office now that the Irishman could get a good look at her noting some resemblance between her and the undertaker they both had the same eye/hair color, they got to the office as Y/n spoke up as the assassin hunter looked around.

Soon Mr. L/n left and Y/n took over "Thieves weren't after any trinkets or valuables." She directed him to a large row of cabinets with a broken locks, "they were only after papers & records of the recently deceased, and was very careful at who he was selecting." She showed him an old file with details of that person's life. {Identification papers, birthplace place and cause of death etc.] and sketches of the deceased persons face she explained they used them for an "in case" scenario of multiple funerals in one day and if the families have the same or similar sounding names.

"Here's the man whose papers were stolen" she said handing the Templar the sketch he took out a small painting of Bancroft and compared the two "This is very well done." Shay commented taking in the sketch's detail right down to the scars and birthmarks. "Uh, thank you?" Y/n said incredulously not used to hearing her work be complimented especially from a man, Shay wasn't joking when he said it was good this McCray could be Bancroft's twin, Except...

Shay checked the death record McCray had black hair, Bancroft was blond, his first thought was a wig but the way Hickey had described the bloke his hair looked too natural to be a wig, nor did it look like soot and grease as Lee had suggested, was he using ink? his dark eyes glance over at a Y/n  looking out the window shaking her head at something.

 "Is there way darken one's hair color, without wigs or ink?" the assassin hunter asked not being familiar with cosmetics, Y/n cocked a brow as she thought. "Yes through henna and katam." Shay gave her a confused look Y/n sighed and took off her gloves and pulled up her sleeve to reveal a very impressive tattoo on her hand.

Shay took her hand her to get a better look, if it wasn't fading he'd almost mistaken another glove, the lotus design was delicate the way the ink ringed around her fingers like lace was almost fairy-like. "This is mehndi art made with henna it's a type of dye made from tree dyes from India, it can also be used to change hair color...if mix with the right components." She explained the as the Irish man flipped her hand over to stare at the moon design on her wrist.

"How long does this usually last for?" He asked giving her hand back. "Well depending on type and quality three weeks? applying oils is a good way to extend it." Y/n stated as she put her gloves back on. *who'd thought that wedding tribute for my friend in India would come in handy?* She thought not noticing Shay's attention suddenly shifted to the window, in a split second the large man suddenly yanked Y/n towards him using his body to shield her from her window exploding; glass shards flew everywhere as rocks were thrown through the window! 

Followed by a woman screaming "PHILIP KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!?" then there was some struggling Shay pulled away from Y/n the two went the window to see what happened, the Irishman kept her behind him just in case. as they watched a hysterical woman throwing rocks at the funeral home, as a man and two women and adolescent boy struggled to control her.

"PHILIP COME OUT!" The man finally got a hold of her. "Stop this right now Sarah, Philip is dead!" the Sarah shook her head not believing him as the women pleaded with her to listen to her brother, she gasped seeing Y/n and Shay watching her "GIVE HIM BACK YOU WHORE!?!?" Sarah screeched ready to throw a another rock as her brother dragged her away.

the boy walked over over to the shattered window. "I...I'm sorry for my mother Miss Y/n, My aunt says they'll pay for the window..." The y/hc woman the boy off. "Don't worry about it I know it's not your mother's fault." She assured as they watched his aunts and uncle load his mother into a carriage. the boy then looked around making sure his mother couldn't hear.

"Is it true?"  

"Absolutely not, I'm not hiding your father..."

"No, not that I know fathers gone, I meant...I heard things about you being able to speak to the dead, solving murders?"

"I don't speak to dead, I speak for the dead and I swear on your father's resting soul, I will find out whose behind this and bring peace to your mother."

The boy thanked her and went to join his family, Y/n winced hears Mrs. McCray scream at the top of her lungs "I WON'T LET YOU HAVE MY BOY!?" before being restrained by her sisters-in law as her brother shook his head clearly at loss and tired of his sister fits, as they rode away...

"Speak for the dead, eh?" Shay queried sounding amused and intrigued as Y/n averted her eyes embarrassed /face red from embarrassment as she thought he'd gone to find her father once Mrs. McCray was whisked away, "Well being a death doula, that is what I do in a way..." they were suddenly interrupted by her father entering the study, wooden planks under one arm hammer and nails in the other "Except most death doulas don't go on path of Derring-do just because they think someones a killer." Y/n looked offended at her father's words.

"Well I wasn't wrong before!" she huffed agitating her father more. "Stay out of it." he warned boarding her window up, he then turned to their visitor. "And you've got your evidence Cormac, Now I suggest you take you leave." Shay bid the last name's farewell, but before he reached the door he was stopped by Y/n grabbing his arm "Mr. Cormac, when you find this man." She made her father wasn't listening; he'd blow a gasket if he found out she was meddling. 

"If possible I would like you to return him here," Shay's brows furrowed at this request, "Here, why?" he asked confused over why she would want the thief whose caused her so much disarray in her house. "I think it might help if Mrs. McCray saw "Philip" for herself." Irishman nodded seemly understanding what the y/nat woman was planning. "I'll see if can keep him in one piece." He noted Y/n hadn't let go of his arm. "Is there something else you wanted" The y/ht woman fidgeted for a moment.

"Erm...Yes, if it doesn't trouble you, perhaps I could help you again?" Shay blinked wondering if he heard right? meanwhile Y/n inner thoughts were going haywire. "You idiot, why would you ask him? no man wants the creepy undertaker’s daughter especially someone as handsome as-" Shay's broke through her pity party. "That wouldn't trouble me at all." Y/n up at Shay who looked equally startled by his words.

Cue an awkward starring contest before Y/n realized she was still holding his arm, letting him go the y/hc shyly averted her eyes to the floor/cheeks went pink, Shay was thankful for that she couldn't see the tips of his ears were red, he calmed himself before walking out of the funeral home. "I'll see you again." he promised before heading back to Haytham with his findings.  

[thetriggeredhappy]

Okay so that last one with scout losing snipes broke my heart into a zillion pieces so... What if sniper never died? Maybe he was badly hurt and is hiding somewhere... -🐑

i really like how you people keep doing this thing where you’re like “hey what if you ripped my whole heart out and stomped on it” then i do because you literally asked and you're all “owie :( ouch owie :( can i have a band-aid now” like it’s funny every time

(warnings for mention of firearms and discussion of severe life-threatening injury)

-

His contract expired.

Somewhere along the line—wonder when?—apparently his work had gotten ‘sloppy’. He’d gotten ‘erratic’. So six years after what all happened, when his contract was up to be renewed, Miss Pauling gently urged him to let it expire and to just head home.

It wasn’t like he had a good reason not to. He didn’t particularly get along with any of the team (anymore). A few of them had come and gone—Pyro apparently got reassigned somewhere and was gone overnight, and at some point Demo decided to leave mercenary work altogether to get a real, proper, legally sound job somewhere. Both of them had been replaced.

Their new Sniper wasn’t as polite as—

She was even more of a recluse, although she got along alright with Heavy sometimes. She was also Russian, which probably helped. And Scout felt a little bad about how much he hated her. She couldn’t help what happened. It wasn’t her fault. She was just picking up the baton on this job. Someone had to do it.

Mostly he just ended up avoiding her. And everyone else.

Exactly once he’d tried to take up dating again. Someone had gotten particularly sweet when he was out at a bar, and they’d flirted for a little while, then they’d suggested they both head somewhere else, and that they had a car if he wanted to—

He quietly stammered his way through a refusal. The vague guilt and unease reached a head the second he thought about getting in a car.

He’d needed to sell his car and get a motorcycle instead, at some point. The idea of getting in a vehicle had become an irrational fear, after he’d seen a picture of the wreckage, smelled the acrid smoke on the salvaged belongings.

That was one reason he took a plane home and had all his stuff shipped separately.

That meant that it was a few days of wearing only his old clothes when he got back, waiting for the rest to show up. And those were a little hard to squeeze into, he’d really been a lanky fuck before he became a mercenary.

The only thing he had at home that fit right was the suit, left there hanging in his closet to get eaten by moths.

The suit and the boxes of things were all shoved into the far side of his closet, and they stayed that way. He felt like maybe he wouldn’t ever be ready to look at them again, and in the meantime, they just made him feel guilty.

For the first two months after he got off work, he didn’t really do much. He stayed home, stayed out of trouble. Put his things away, sorted through what he wanted to keep and what he could just get rid of, either selling it or scrapping it if it was just kinda garbage. He tried to catch up with his brothers a little bit, the ones left in Boston still, but he didn’t get very far, feeling weird and disconnected.

After two months, he finally felt bad about Ma constantly tip-toeing around the topic of employment or hobbies (not that he needed to worry about those—he had enough money saved to not worry about much of anything until he was like, eighty), and he started trying to look for work, or maybe just something to keep him busy. For a month or so he looked into becoming a bartender, but the hours were a little weird. He thought about trying to get into doing baseball on some professional level, but he was getting a little old to be going into it for the first time since his late teens and early twenties. He very briefly looked into doing the cartoons for the newspaper—he was pretty good at art by then—before he found out they would require some amount of actual schooling for it.

So he ended up latching onto that, and started heading to the library five or six days a week to spend a few hours there studying to get his GED. His Ma supported him wholeheartedly on it, and got around to telling him, about a month into his new routine, that she was really glad he found something to do, something he wanted, that he’d just seemed so miserable, before, waiting around for something to happen.

Maybe she was right. He was waiting around for something to happen. He got the speech from Miss P—“ten years following your departure from the team, you and anyone nearby you will be kept in the system, and if there’s anyone who tries to bring you harm we’ll catch them before they can, and here’s a phone number to call if anything suspicious happens that you want looked into”. To him, that meant “someone might try and kill you”. So he did stay strapped when he went places, looked over his shoulder, kept an eye on doors and other potential exits.

So when he got back from the library one day and saw a car parked out in front of the house, at least he was prepared.

He thought fast. Kept driving past the house and parked a little ways down the block—he could drive the bike back later, it didn’t matter. He unlocked the door as quietly as he could, pushed it open with his shoulder, pistol drawn and cocked, falling back into old habits maybe a little too easily considering he hadn’t been a mercenary for almost a year and a half.

Voices from the living room—not from the TV, and not Ma on the phone, because he could also hear the TV, and there was a commercial playing that he recognized, one that didn’t involve Ma and a second, much deeper voice.

He steadied his hands, rolled his shoulders, and stepped into the room, leveling his gun directly at the head of the person within.

First he took stock of the fact that Ma was indeed there, sitting on the couch, looking relatively relaxed and entirely unharmed, if surprised to see him there and also with a gun. Then he took stock of the room, saw that there was only one other person here, the one he was pointing a gun at, the one who had slowly raised his hands up to either side of his head. Potentially unarmed, it was hard to tell with his baggy jacket—

Wait a minute.

Scout frowned, squinted, looking over his face a little more closely as realization started creeping into view.

He tried to imagine, for a second. What exactly would seven years do to a guy?

Maybe he’d end up with his hair growing out a lot longer, from close-cut to hanging down around his ears. Maybe with a beard, relatively clean but still a bit messy in some ways. Maybe he’d get new clothes, his eyes would sink a little bit more, would start to crinkle at the corners. More freckles, more spots maybe. Aged, scarred. Maybe he’d be wearing glasses. Maybe, despite all of that, he wouldn’t look all that different at all.

“...’llo, Bilby,” Sniper said quietly, hopefully, voice rough, and maybe he meant to say more, but he didn’t get the chance, because Scout lowered his gun, marched three steps forward, and slapped him clear across the face.

It was a hefty slap. The smack noise was practically ringing, and his hand stung like a bitch, and he’d hit him hard enough to knock his glasses off to clatter across the floor, and his head snapped back at the force of it, and the noise he made was satisfyingly pained.

“Right. Probably deserve that,” he croaked, and maybe he meant to say more, but he didn’t get the chance, because Scout tucked back away his gun, grabbed Sniper by the sides of his head, and kissed him square on the mouth.

It was a hard kiss, hard enough that he got Sniper to do that thing where he made an undignified little squeaky noise of surprise, caught off guard by it. He only melted forward for a second or two before Scout was pulling back away again.

“You fucking piece of shit son of a bitch cunt I’m gonna fucking kill you,” Scout practically snarled.

“Jeremy,” his Ma admonished from the couch.

“He’s right,” Sniper said weakly.

“I’m gonna kill you,” Scout insisted, just as fiercely. “What the fuck happened to you?!”

“There was a—“ Sniper started explaining, but Scout cut him off.

“Car bomb between 2:45 and 2:50 PM twenty minutes away from the nearest city limits,” he listed off, “I know that, but what—seven fucking years, Snipes!”

“I know,” Sniper said, voice flimsy. “First two years were recovery and physical therapy, next four were trying to get legal papers and apply for a visa to get back into the States again.”

“That bad?” Scout asked, still angry but faltering.

“Needed reconstructive surgery on... most of the left side of my body. Lost some teeth,” he said, and tugged his lip back on one side to show him where three teeth, the three behind the canines, were a slightly different color, then dropped his hand again. “Plenty of scars. Might be, er... missing a lot of those freckles you liked. And... voice comes and goes sometimes. But, Australian miracle medicine, I’m much better than I was.”

“You grew your hair out,” Scout noted next, carding his hands up through it.

Sniper laughed. “Lost half my teeth and needed a new coat of paint on the whole left of me, and you’re worried about my hair?” he chided.

“It’s just new, thought you hated it getting long,” Scout shrugged.

“Y’know,” his Ma said, sounding all too amused by the proceedings, approaching with Sniper’s glasses and handing them over to him, “you’re lucky you showed me those pictures all those years ago, Jeremy. Otherwise, strange guy shows up at our door askin’ about your work name and all, I would’a started blasting.”

She nodded meaningfully towards the table beside the couch, and Scout saw that indeed she had a gun there, taken from its place where he kept it stashed by the door as a “just in case”.

“Thanks, Ma,” he said, smiling a little.

“No problem, sweetheart,” she said, and patted him on the arm. She glanced between him and Sniper and scooped up the firearm from the table. “I’ll just go put this away,” she said, and left the two of them alone.

“Would’ve been easier to track you down if you’d given me more to go on than ‘southern Boston’,” Sniper said, eyebrows rising. “And if I didn’t need to be so careful about how I asked.”

“Huh?”

Sniper’s expression fell a little, and he raised his hand to fix his hair where Scout had mussed it up. “Look, you know the rules. Employer keeps an eye out for us for years after we leave. That means if I asked through my usual methods of tracking people down, that’d send up flashing red lights somewhere. So I... needed to take extra precautions.”

“Miss P told me they took care of the guys that tried to kill you,” Scout said, frowning.

“I went off radar for almost two years without official leave,” Sniper murmured. “And it wasn’t on purpose, but I don’t think they’d believe that. They might try and kill me if they find out I’m still alive. I’m a loose end.”

Scout’s heart dropped.

“Only cut it close once,” Sniper said, gaze falling. “But that was enough for Miss Pauling to get in contact with me, to try to talk to me. I... I told her I’m done, I’m out of mercenary work, and... just as a precaution I have to do a few things now. Check in on the regular. I wear this,” he said, pushing his sleeve up to show off a bulky device on his wrist, bigger than a watch. “It’s tracker. Makes sure I’m only in the places I say I’m going. Had to get a visa by myself, get transportation by myself, and it cut my protection time in half so now I’ve had to hire on someone to guard my parents and keep them safe, but now she’ll keep it secret that I’m alive. They’ll stop looking for me in two years, and if by then I’m still playing by the rules, I’m free. Back to normal life.”

“She said it was okay that you be here?” Scout asked. “In the same city as me? She wasn’t worried about that?”

“Told her why I was coming here,” Sniper shrugged.

“And what’d you tell her?” Scout asked softly.

They looked at each other.

“I... didn’t want to assume,” Sniper said quietly, carefully, looking over his face. “That you’d... I, I understand if you’ve moved on. Seven years, declared dead—“

“I didn’t,” Scout said just as quietly.

Sniper gave a breathless little laugh, cupping his face. “Bilby, I told you to,” he tried.

“Well, so-rry,” Scout said next, throat a little tight, hands on his hips, “Mister—Mister Legally Dead. Sorry I didn’t jump into speed dating the second I got the news. What, you—you wanted me to have kids by now?”

“Wouldn’t blame you,” Sniper shrugged, and kissed him, and pulled back away. “But... I’m glad you didn’t.”

“Well I’m glad you’re glad,” Scout mumbled, and kissed him, and pulled back away. “So...?”

Sniper was smiling, wide and unashamed. “So one day at a time,” he said quietly. “We can talk about it more in a bit. First, mind if I use your phone?”

“Why?”

“Meant to call in to check with Pauling in—“ He glanced around to find the clock in the room. “—three minutes or so. And... I ought to tell her I’ve made progress. And... that we’re sorting out details. Might call you over to talk to her too.”

“Yeah, go ahead. Hallway by the kitchen,” Scout directed, and kissed him again, and again, and again, until Sniper urged him down and off before he was late calling in.

He found himself in the kitchen, looking out the window. Ma was unloading the dishwasher and humming. In the hallway, the sound of talking, long pauses, more talking.

“He seems nice,” Ma said quietly, and shot Scout a smile, and Scout smiled too.

“He was—is,” he corrected quickly, flinching a little bit.

“How you feelin’?” Ma asked.

Scout looked down, crossed his arms over himself. “Y’know how in movies there’s that bit people do, all “feels too good to be true” or whatever?”

“Uh huh.”

“Kinda the opposite. It feels... like him being gone wasn’t real. And now stuff is real again.”

“Like you woke up?”

“...Yeah. Yeah, exactly,” Scout confirmed.

“I could tell,” Ma admitted, and stretched to reach the cabinet to put things away once they were good and dry. “Been a zombie since you got back, seems like maybe you’ve been a zombie for a while.”

Scout moved over to help, taking the dishes that belonged in the higher shelves and starting to put those away. “Sheesh, was I seriously that obvious?”

“It was pretty bad.”

“...Is that, like... normal? Or... healthy?” Scout asked carefully.

Ma laughed. “Sweetheart, how should I know?”

“But you know, like, everything.”

Ma pinched him on the cheek at the compliment and he squawked a complaint, and she laughed.

“I don’t know if it’s healthy,” she finally replied. “And... maybe it’s not about whether it’s healthy. Maybe... it’s just one step. And, hey, it worked out, didn’t it?”

“Yeah,” he agreed, and smiled. “Yeah, it did.”

“Bilby,” Sniper called, leaning in to look through the door to the kitchen, phone cord visibly all stretched out. “Wants to talk to you.”

Miss Pauling ran through a brief check to make sure he was indeed Scout, then asked a series of questions. Whether he felt safe with being around Sniper on the regular. Whether Sniper would be staying with him on the regular, and the fact that instead of extending security to cover him, she’d need to just go more lax on Scout’s security to make sure Sniper wasn’t found out.

He was fine with that. All of that.

After the phone call, after a few more questions, he dragged Sniper upstairs and flung open the door to his closet, digging through the dusty old boxes with purpose. Then he was pulling out an item and shoving it directly into Sniper’s chest.

Sniper put his hat back on, and Scout couldn’t help but yank him down into another kiss at the wave of nostalgia and familiarity as Sniper nudged his glasses up and looked at him and asked if it was on crooked, the same way he’d said a hundred times before, a hundred years ago.

And, hopefully, he’d say it a billion more times, for a billion more years. Scout would make sure of it.

[snowdice]

The Horror of Stereotypes (Part 2)[Dice Roll 6]

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Remus/Logan/Patton with Remus/Logan focus (more pre-romantic considering the situation), Remus & Roman, Logan/Patton (established, but not at the forefront for most of it)

Characters:

Main: Remus, Logan

Appear: Roman, Patton, Deceit (but blink and you’ll miss it)

Summary: There had always been a certain stereotype about people like him for as long as anyone could remember. After the Heart War of 1963, those stereotypes had been legalized and places like this had been created to enforce the universal truth: everyone had a soulmate. One soulmate. No more and no less.

At least they were supposed to.

When Remus’s brother gets arrested because of his two soulmarks, Remus risks everything by infiltrating the facility he legally should be in as well due to his own two soulmates to save him. There he meets Logan and it turns out they have a lot in common: they both got hired this week, they both have two soulmates, and they’re both here for the same reason.

Oh. And as it turns out, they’re each other’s soulmates too.

Universe: Soulmate AU

Genre: Horror (Yeah, it’s a fun combo. The horror vibe is mostly contained to chapter 3 though. It’s all still horrifying, but that specific tone is pretty much only there.)

Notes: Torture, Torture of a main character, Dystopian, Blood, Guns, Gunshot wounds, Leg wounds, Mentions of Desecrating an Animal Corpse by a Main Character, Imprisonment, Mentions of Cannibalism, Genocide Suggested, Sexual Innuendo, Fear, A tasteless but not serious incest joke, Medical procedures.

This is part of my Roll the Dice Event which is where I do random ships, universe, and genres for the Sanders Sides fandom. For more details see this post. I posted a few days ago my results from this dice roll here.

You know when you have that one annoying coworker that can’t take a hint?

Part 1

Remus was careful to keep an extra special eye on one specific coworker all day and did his best to glean as much information about the man that he could from his other coworkers without seeming suspicious. They didn’t really seem to know him too well especially since they hadn’t been working with him for very long.

According to Remus’s office mates, Logan was cold and no fun but at the same time was one of the best engineers the government could find. They’d been chomping at the bit to hire him since before he’d even graduated college last spring, but he’d apparently insisted on applying to many different places even with everything the government had offered him. Silly, everyone Remus talked to seemed to think (sufficient survival instincts, Remus countered in his head), but he’d eventually accepted only two days ago after realizing how much of a lucrative career he could have here. Remus smiled and nodded along all while wondering what had happened to make the man suddenly willing to risk being in this place. He wondered if it was the same reason Remus was.

Also, Logan had apparently already met his soulmate. At least, according to Dennis over by the water cooler. Though Dennis (who was now on Remus’s would-let-you-get-eaten-by-a-zombie list) claimed that nobody could figure out why someone would love that stick in the mud, let him tell ya, but he had a butterfly filled in on his wrist to prove it.

That… probably explained why he’d looked so scared when Remus had touched his hand. He was probably worried that Remus would mention it and out him, either on accident or on purpose. It wasn’t often, but sometimes people would out their own soulmates especially if they themselves ended up not being a “multi.” There was even a movie last summer about a tragic tale of two people who both shared a soulmate making the valiant decision to turn their shared soulmate in. They ended up together in the end and Remus wondered why that was any better than if they’d all just made one big fuck pile, but everyone seemed to think it was a great ending.

Remus and Logan barely talked the entire day. They spoke briefly when Gavin stuck them together to brainstorm, but it was rough and stilted and not at all the conversation they both likely wanted to have. When they weren’t working together, Remus often caught Logan studying him with an unreadable expression. The times he caught Logan watching were the only times his face wasn’t completely blank, but the expressions were always gone before Remus could start to identify them.

They both stayed late, probably with the same thing in mind. Everyone else in the office went home by 5pm until the only people left were Remus, Logan, and, annoyingly, Gavin.

Remus didn’t like Gavin, he’d decided. Not one bit. He was annoying as hell, hung over everyone constantly to listen in to their conversations (which meant he was breathing down Remus and Logan’s necks when everyone else left), and he wouldn’t fucking leave.

Remus pulled out every strategy other than physically forcing the man out of the door to get him to go. He sprouted off the most horrible ideas he could come up with, quoting old horror stories he’d written in high school. That sort of think usually worked on everyone even if Remus wasn’t trying to get them to leave, but it didn’t work on fucking Gavin. He just smiled more and more at Remus’s stories as the evening progressed. He didn’t even flinch when Remus started to talk about blood and guts over the spaghetti they’d ordered in for dinner. Remus winced when he saw Logan subtly throw most of his dinner away, feeling a bit bad, but honestly, Remus himself had trouble eating more than a fourth of his plate and he was the one sprouting off the nonsense.

Gavin, on the other hand, just happily slurped up the noodles and chewed on the garlic bread while Remus talked about how much it looked like human flesh and have you ever tried cannibalism Gavin?

“You’re perfect for this place,” Gavin complimented him in a dreamy sort of way that made Remus’s blood curdle under his skin. “You’ll really be an asset against all of these multis.” He spat the last word like a curse.

“Well, that’s what I’m here for,” Remus said with a lavish smile and a wink.

“That’s what I like to hear,” Gavin purred. If Remus ever managed to take over the world, he’d be the first one with his head on a spike as a warning to all of the other assholes on the planet. “I like your brain buddy. Though, if I’m being completely honest, I think we should just kill them all outright. No offence to your chosen career path of course. I mean, I guess I understand why someone might want to try to get information from them first. You know, make sure we’re culling them all, but it just seems like a waste of time ultimately.”

“I’ll respect your opinion on the matter,” Remus replied cheerfully, absolutely unable to deal with this shit any longer. “Anyway. I think I’m going to go home now. Get a little rest in before coming back for a productive day tomorrow.”

“Oh, of course. I’ll walk you out,” offered Gavin.

…

“Great.” Gavin grabbed his car keys. Remus turned to Logan while he was distracted and mouthed ‘stay here.’ Logan blinked at him once and then turned back to his computer. Remus hoped that was agreement.

“Alright, let’s go,” Gavin said clapping him on the back.

Gavin led him through the facility toward the parking lot and Remus’s eyes caught on the bathroom right before the exit. “Hey, I’ve gotta go to the bathroom. So, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’ll wait for you,” Gavin offered.

“Ya know, it’s a stinker. So, you go ahead.”

Gavin looked at him with his cold dark eyes for a moment before shrugging. “Yeah sure. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yep!” Remus replied before ducking into the bathroom.

He waited in one of the stalls for around 10 minutes before poking his head back into the hallway. No Gavin. Remus sighed in relief and then went about retracing his steps to the office. This part of the building seemed like a normal office building, but Remus knew what rot it hid underneath its linoleum floors. That knowledge made the sound of his footsteps clanking in the dark vacant space send shivers up and down his back more than it normally would. He wished the monsters his instincts told him frequented these halls weren’t real.

He managed to get back to the office without meeting anyone else probably because it was after 9pm. He swiped his keycard and the doors slid open. Logan had thankfully listened to Remus and had not left. He was still typing on one of the computers in the office and didn’t look up when Remus entered. “Remind me to fucking stab Gavin if I ever get the chance,” Remus requested while walking into the room. “Do the world a favor.”

“You two seemed to be getting rather chummy,” Logan replied blankly.

Remus winced. “Sorry about all of that talk and stuff. I was trying to freak him out, so he’d leave but he just… like it.”

“He did,” Logan replied, and his hands shook just barely on the keyboard.

“And not like in an abstract way either. He actually. He wants to do it,” Remus shook his head and half collapsed on one of the seats near Logan. “He wants to do it and he can do it. What is wrong with these people?”

Logan paused, hands hovering over the keyboard. “I don’t know.” He turned in his chair to finally look at Remus with scrutinizing eyes. They stared at each other for a long moment. “Thank you for not saying anything to them.”

“Well, the mark on my forearm’s the one on my employment papers not the one on my back so I think that would have been bad for both of us.”

His shoulders dropped a bit in relief. “You are like me.” Remus nodded. The mask the other man had worn all day had cracked through their conversation and despite the tension that still pulled at his expression, Remus thought he could see a bit of the person he was behind the façade. His eyes bore into Remus’s and Remus wondered what he saw. “Who are you here for?” Logan finally asked. Not what. He clearly knew the only reason someone like them would willingly walk into these walls.

“My twin brother Roman,” Remus divulged. “He’s… like us too. Who are you here for?”

“My… Patton,” Logan replied.

“He’s your…?” Remus jerked his head at the man’s wrist where the butterfly soulmate mark was. Logan’s opposite hand went to cover the mark as though to hide it from the world. He just nodded. Remus took a breath. He wondered if that meant… Well, it didn’t matter at the moment. “Allies?” Remus offered.

Logan nodded. “Between the two of us maybe we’ll actually stand a chance here.” That is all they said about it that night.

Want to read more? Click below!

AO3 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

[demivampirew]

Don’t judge a book by its cover chapter 2.

A Cap. Syverson story.

Triggers: talking about xenophobia, white privilege, crying; cursing; slang words; stalking, panic; metion of assault

Synopsis: Rebeca is an Argentinian girl who a few months ago moved to the USA (Washington D.C) to study in university thanks to a scholarship that she was granted. She’s lonely. People don’t treat her well. Some could be understood but most of them just hate her for being a foreigner. She meets Syverson because he’s a man from the South and she has not had a good experience with people from there, but she may find out at the end that she shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.

Chapter 1

Tag: lunedelorient

- So, what does a man from the South do in Washington? You're far away from home, cowboy. - Rebeca joked after asking the question as she handed him a cup of hot black coffee as he requested.

- Cowboy? Do I look like a cowboy to you? - he asked, amused.

- You certainly sound like one to me.- she replied

- You haven't been to the South, have you?

- Nope.- she said as she took a sip of coffee with milk.

- I must say, for someone who's pre-judge for being an outsider, you're pretty judgy yourself, have you notice that? - he pointed out as he raised an eyebrow

- Maybe, but you have to admit that I do have my reasons to be judgemental.- she reasoned. Then she sighed and continued- I was a really nice girl, truly. I was just a young woman living her dream of studying abroad, in the land in which dreams come true. I was given once in a lifetime opportunity based on my high grades in my university in Argentina. I heard about the programme that the embassy offered to students with high grades and decided to apply without even believing I would get it, but luckily I did. I couldn't freaking believe it. I came here excited to have the experience of a lifetime and found that life here is not like in the movies. The sweet lady I used to be had to be replaced by a living zombie. What I'm trying to say is, that I had to be tough to resist a lot of shitty things that happened to me here, but in the same time had to be as nice as I could to anyone, because even if I'm the "privileged Latina", I'm still a Latina, meaning I'm part of a minority and my actions count. It's hard, I won't lie. I'm still trying to adapt to this life in which I matter my own business...I work every day, weeks on the grocery store and weekends as a Spanish tutor; I study hard so I keep my high grades, the main reason I have my scholarship. I try not to bother anyone, so anyone will bother me. They still do it, though. - she sighed again.- The hardest part of all of this, and this is going to sound pathetic, is that I'm all by myself. My family is far away. I call them as much as I can, but in the same time I try to avoid them a little bit so they won't find out about everything that's going on, they would not be ok with staying here if they knew how things really are. And, on top of that, I have no friends. Being a "smart ass" wasn't much of a problem at my university. On the contrary, everyone wanted you around so you could help them if they had troubles understanding something. I think is mostly because people in the UBA - University of Buenos Aires - are mostly adults. There are people of all ages, but there's a lot of people in there who study and work, so you know that they take things seriously. Here, I came to find out, it's exactly like high school, just full of rich kids that only want to party. Most of the people at my classes never worked a day in their lives. The parents pay for everything, so they party all night, sleep all day. Then, the day of the exams come and they remember that they need high grades or their daddies will cut off their allowance or, in cases like Trevor, who's the captain of the football team, they could prevent him from continue playing. Is in those days that all the sudden, I became someone worthy of their attention for other things than scream "go back to your country" or "in this country we speak English" when they hear me speak to someone in my native language over the phone.

- Is that why he was bothering you today? - Syverson asked

- I assume so, yes. Every time there's an important test, he comes to me and tries hard to make me do his exam for him. I always tell him no, of course, I don't want to risk getting caught and losing my scholarship because of that.

- Has he ever tried to hurt you before? - he asked the was anger on his voice.

- No. He's always more into pranks than punches. He broke my window twice. I found dog's shit on my doorstep many times and one time I found a dead mouse on my bag. But he never went that far, probably because I always act nice. But today I was tired of his crap, so I defied him. He said something stupid like "Isn't weird that your parents named you Rebeca being Latina?" and I replied " Isn't weird that you have a brain a never use it?" and he got angry. As I said, I usually play nice, because I know he's bad news; but this time, I was fed up. And I almost ended with a black eye or a broken nose if it wasn't for you. So thank you for saving my ass.- she concluded with a smile.

- You have nothing to thank for. - he replied smiling back at her. - Do you have a pen and a piece of paper? - he asked.

- Ye...yeah, sure. - she said confused by the odd request and looked for what was asked for in her bag and then handed them to him. He wrote a number in the paper and gave it to her.

- That's my number. You call me next time someone messes with you or you're in trouble.- he told her. It sounded more like an order rather than a suggestion. He was clearly someone used to command; the authority in his voice was undeniable.

- I don't want to bother you. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine.

- You won't bother me. This is the reason why I joined the forces. I didn't only want to fight for my country, I wanted to help and protect people. Believe it or not, the second being the main one. And you are clearly someone that needs to be looked after and since you don't have anyone else, I'm glad to take that job.- he said and smiled.

- Tha..thanks -she finally accepted. Rebeca wasn't used to asking for help. She always tried to manage everything by her own, as well as she could, but she had to admit that it was nice to know that someone was willing to help her if she needs it to. - So... - she said, returning to the beginning of their conversation - You never told me what are you doing in Washington?

- I live here- he replied

- Have you lived here for long? - she asked, curious.

- A few years. I used to live in Georgia, but after my mother passed away so I didn't have anything else for me back there and, at the time, I was seeing a woman and she wanted to move here, so that's what we did.

- So you are married. - she pointed out and he laughed.

- No, ma'am. I'm not. We were together for some time, but then duty called again and she didn't want me to go, but I had to go. I had to. They needed me there. She couldn't quite get that so she left. It's been only me since then.- he explained.

- Sorry to hear that.

- Don't worry, I had time to get over it. - he assured her and finished his coffee and got up from the couch - Well, I better get going. You probably need to rest.

Rebeca walked him to the door and he reminded her to call him if she needed him and then left.

The next few days were quite normal. Everyone in college heard about what happened with Trevor, which make some people hate her more, others started to like her a little bit and others were scared of her - well, they were scared that "Rebeca's boyfriend" would beat the shit outta them if they messed with her. She barely knew Syverson, but she didn't bother correcting them. If that helped her get some peace, so be it, let them believe she's Sy's girlfriend. She surprised herself more than once thinking about him and using Sy instead of his full surname.

On Friday, she had to work until late to cover for the hours that they allowed at work to take the test that she missed because of the incident with Trevor. Luckily, the people at the university received a note sign by a high range officer at the police station to use as proof that she spend the day testifying about the intent of assault, so she was able to take the exam another day. She left the grocery store and started to walk towards her place. It was twenty blocks away. She usually worked until 8 pm, but that day she worked until 11 pm - the store was always open until midnight. After her shift, the owners would take her place. Rebeca knew well the way back home and there was usually some people on the streets when she went to her place after work, but this time the streets were completely empty. Not a single soul was there and it was completely dark. She started to walk at a really fast pace, wishing to get to the house as soon as possible.

After walking for a few minutes, she noticed two men, both around 25-30 years old. They were walking in the street across her but then crossed to her street. They were at a block away distance from her. She tried not to panic. Maybe those guys just needed to be on that block, that's all. When she reached the corner of the street, she turned and continue walking for another street. She knew it was risky because she didn't know the place well and she could get lost, but she needed to know for sure that was just imagination. At the corner, she saw in a car's mirror that the two guys had also turned in the same street that she did. It wasn't her imagination. She was indeed being followed. Trembling, she grabbed her phone from her coat pocket, trying to maintain calm so they wouldn't notice that she knew they were following her. Without even thinking, she searched for a number in her contacts and presses the dial button.

- Hello? Who is it? - Syverson answered with his thick Southern accent

- It's me, Rebeca. - she mumbled; she didn't want them to hear her speak

- Rebeca? I can barely hear you. Are you ok? - he asked worriedly

- I'm being followed.- she said fighting the tears of fear.

- What?! - he questioned even worrier- Tell me where you are? Who's following you?

- I don't know. There are two men around 30 following me. I was on my way home after work and I saw them and I suspected but then changed my route to see if the still followed me and yes, they are still walking behind me, a block away distance. - she explained as well as she could, almost whispering and he could hear the terror on her voice.

- Ok. Keep walking, don't stop walking. I'm on my way.- he said as he grabbed the car keys and left his house- Tell me, what street are you on?

- I don't know the name.

- Look for a street sign or something I can use to track you down. - he ordered her and she started to look, as nonchalant as possible, for any clue.

- I see a coffee shop in the next block, next to a flower store. - she informed

- Is there a house with pink roses on the entrance on the corner of the street? - he questioned

- Yes.- she replied.

- I know exactly where you are, sweetheart. Continue walking, I'll be there soon. I have to hang out now. Be brave, you're gonna be ok, you heard me?

- Ok.-she try to sound calm by she was in full panic. She continued walking as fast as she could, even though her legs felt like jelly.

Syverson put back the phone on his pocket and turned on the car and went to her rescue. He ignored several red lights and over speeded, but he didn't have the time to care about that, he needed to make it on time. He had his gun with him. He hoped he didn't have to use it, but he was no going to let anyone hurt her.

Rebeca peeked at the men trough another's car's mirror and to her horror, they were even closer. Her legs were starting to give in. She was so afraid that her body was shaken and she was starting to feel paralyzed. It was only her survival instinct what was keep her going. Moments later, she saw a car light coming from the opposite direction in which she was walking. The car started to slow down the fast pace and then she could finally see it. It was him. It was Sy. He stopped the car and she started running. He got out of the car as fast as he could. She ran directly into his arms and hugged him as tight as she could and the started to cry because of the fear and because she was happy that he was there. She was safe now. The two men started to run back in the direction that they came off as soon as they saw Syverson and his gun. He wanted to run after them, if they were predators, they could look for another victim, but his priority at the moment was Rebeca. She was trembling and crying and he needed to make her feel safe and ok. He hugged her and caress the back of her head while telling over and over "It's ok, I'm here now. You're safe. I promise".

[mystery-star]

Threshold of Space - Chapter 13 Put to the Test

Pairing: Spock x OC

Warnings: slight sexual innuendos mentions of violence, swearing

Words: 6806

All Parts: 

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 |  Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16

If you want to be added to the taglist let me know!

Please do not repost my work on other sites or platforms!

-

Much to her dismay, the Academy had replaced Moore with someone else only a month later. Although the new professor was great, she was still sad that Spock didn’t teach them anymore. The rest of her class, however, seemed relieved that he was gone. Especially the boys, who seemed to be pining for the female professor.

At that time, they also had to start with their final projects but right now, Carissa had other stuff in her mind; Spock had asked her out on their anniversary at the end of February. Nialaxe helped her getting ready and they were joined by Lucie too. Somehow she wasn’t sure if she liked all the attention she got but she was glad about their opinions. (At least Nia’s because Lucie always assured her that she looked great whereas Nia as a Betazoid was awfully honest)

“Girls, it’s only our anniversary”

“Yes but you didn’t have one before, did you?” Nialaxe asked

“Well we broke up after nine months and got together a year later. So we actually were together a year some months ago. But we didn’t celebrate that or whatever”

“See? Who knows what’s gonna happen? Maybe he’ll propose”

“I don’t know…” Carissa said, cracking her knuckles                                                        

“Oh okay, I can understand you’re not ready for that yet” she pinned back some of her hair with her flower-shaped hairclip “Yes, I think that’s it” she said, nodding as she stepped away. Carissa had a look in the mirror and smiled.

“Yeah, it looks good”

“Really does” Lucie agreed. Since it still was a little early for her to go outside, the three girls sat down on the bed and talked until Carissa had to leave. Lucie squeezed her hand

“Have fun”

“Oh God, was that imagination really necessary?” Nia moaned

“Well looks like being a telepath has its disadvantages”

“Can’t you just… switch it off?”

“There might be a way but I don’t know. I’ve only got the abilities like five years ago” Carissa made a mental note to ask Spock if he maybe knew something she could to do control it a little “Hey, that’s a great idea. Vulcan’s are touch telepaths and they’re very private. Maybe they know something… oh God, Lucie, you’re a genius!”

“What did she think?” Carissa asked

“You could make your final project on that matter. You know, telepathy, its limits and ways to control or steer it”

“That really doesn’t sound too bad” she said “But would you even want to be my guinea pig?”

“I’m still learning to use it and it would be cool to see what things I can do” Carissa shrugged.

“I’ll think about it. Thanks for the idea, Lucie. If you want you can have the topic yourself though, after all it was your idea.”

“Nah. I’ve already got my topic with the question which non-human species is best integrated into the Federation”

“And I’ve got no idea what I’ll do” Nia said with a grin

“Well, you’ve still got two years to think about it”

“True”

“Okay, I gotta leave. Vulcans always come on time”

“Sure… Lucie keep that perverted thoughts private!” although she hurried downstairs, her boyfriend was already waiting for her.

“Sorry” she breathed, “the girls held me back”

“There is no reason to apologize, you are still two minutes and thirty-four seconds early” she gave a quick nod as she pecked his cheek.

“Shall we?” he only offered her his arm which she took, almost feeling like a lady from the Middle Ages. “Where are we going?” she asked when he led her off the school grounds

“You asked me to surprise you. If I told you now, I would ruin it”

“Good point” she giggled. They walked in silence for almost half an hour before he led her into a cozy looking restaurant and where showed their table. “It’s nice here” she said, her fingers toying with the flowers on the table.

“It is good to hear that the location is according to your liking”

“So, how are the reparations of the ship going?”

“We are approximately 2.26 days behind to the schedule since the re-installment of the gravity stabilizer has taken longer than I have anticipated as I was not aware that a third year cadet would be allowed to help during his traineeship”

“Oh you still have trainees onboard?”

“Only engineers as everyone else would not be able to work“

“That makes sense. What about you? Do you miss your work?”

“I am working”

“Sure, you do, but I mean don’t you miss working as Science Officer?”

“Science is needed for the reparations, which makes your question redundant”

“Okay, I didn’t consider that. But wouldn’t you prefer if the ship was already repaired and you could do what you usually do?”

“I cannot understand why I should wish for something that is impossible”

“Okay, let’s forget this” she said opening her menu. Again they were silent until they had ordered dinner. Then Spock asked how her studies were going. “Good, as always. Professor Moore’s replacement is much better than him. Not as good as you though” she chuckled and took a sip from her drink.

“Were you referring to my expertise, my way of teaching or the fact that I am your partner when you mentioned that you preferred me?”

“Uh… you being my boyfriend and of course your intelligence.”

“Alright. Have you been informed about the final projects yet?”

“Yes. We need to find a topic and evaluator until the end of next month”

“Have you already decided on either of those points?”

“No. I’ve got some ideas and just today Nia gave me a new one. Well actually it was Lucie’s idea but they said I could write about it if I want”

“That subject being?”

“Telepathy” she looked at him to see his reaction and wasn’t disappointed when he raised an eyebrow

“I take it that Cadet Uvestri has volunteered as test person for your project?”

“Yeah she did. I’d try to find out what the limits of her telepathy are and if there are ways to stop it”

“Maybe you would want to consider making a comparison between telepathy of different species?”

“Is that an offer to help me as in participate in the experiment?”

“Since I am your boyfriend I would consider it appropriate to do so, yes” she smiled.

“Thanks. I’ll think about it”

“May I ask what your other suggestions for your project were?” after she told him of her other ideas, she asked what he had written about

“I bet I won’t even understand the title. So maybe just tell me the area”

“Astronomical spectroscopy” she frowned

“And there it already starts… I don’t even remember what that is. What score did you receive on it?”

“97% although it should have been 97.2 but decimal places were not allowed”

“I see. That’s very good. I just want an overall score of 75% or more at the end. I mean as my graduation mark, not from the project. Then I’m happy”

“Do you think you can achieve this?”

“I guess so. Up to now I have 81% which means I have a slight cushion” he nodded. Their food came and for a while they were silent before she asked him what he would like to do on the five year mission. Once they had finished their plates, they continued talking for a while before they left the restaurant. Spock accompanied her back to her dorm and decided to say goodbye outside because no one was here at this time.

“I have heard that it is human custom for the male to gift his partner something on their anniversary” she instantly started to feel bad because she had nothing for him

“Oh. You shouldn’t have gotten me anything. And I uh… don’t have anything for you”

“There was no reason for you to give me something in return. Besides, I did not have to obtain this” he said as he pulled out a small casket and opened it to reveal a necklace.

“It’s beautiful” she said, tracing her finger over it “Thank you”

“You are welcome” he took it out “May I?”

“Sure” he put it over her head and she took the pendant between her fingers to have a look at it.

“Where did you get it?”

“It has belonged to my mother” she stared at him

“Spock I-I don’t think I can accept it. I mean… maybe you should keep it if it was hers” he took hold of her hand, gently squeezing it.

“I want you to have it. I am certain that my mother would have been very fond of you had she met you”

“Are you sure?”

“Affirmative” she nodded and let go of the pendant, hugging him instead

“Thank you. It really means a lot to me. Especially considering what the necklace means to you.”

“It is good to hear that it pleases you” he placed his hands on her back and leaned his chin onto her head.

“And thanks for the evening. I really enjoyed it”

“So did I”

-oO0Oo-

It was time for the fourth years to find themselves a job for when they finished the Academy in summer. So she applied for jobs as biologist on every ship that offered this position. She was quite certain that she would get a position on a ship, if not she still could apply as a biologist on earth. Somehow she found this wouldn’t be all too bad in the beginning because a part of her wasn’t so sure she’d be able to constantly go onto missions. What if they were attacked something dangerous happened? A part of her even regretted joining Starfleet and she was almost surprised to have made it that far into her education.

Somehow she was surprised that she already had a reply two days later. But once she saw who it was, she only grinned. Of course Jim Kirk would be the first one to reply and invite her for an interview. So she agreed to his suggestion to meet him three days later and was a little disappointed when she saw that he was alone today.

“Hello there” he said with a grin

“Hello”

“How’d you start at the Academy?”

“I haven’t seen you since the end of term party, respectively the trial later on, so which start did you mean? In summer or now after the winter holiday?”

“Both. I don’t even know what fourth year is like”

“As always” she shrugged. “Just the final project coming up”

“Oh I’ve heard about those” he smirked “Well anyway… I’ll make this short. I wanted you on my ship last time but that didn’t work out. But now I’d really like you to take you onto that five year mission”

“R-really?” she choked out “Are you sure?”

“Do you think I’d have called you here if I wasn’t serious? Starfleet has ordered me to take some new graduates with us… from all departments so I’ll need freshly graduated scientists anyway. And I must admit I really want to have you. You’re one of the best cadets and I know how you work”

“And this decision isn’t just because… I don’t know… because you know me and of my relationship with Spock?”

“Nope. Well, I want you because I know you and know that you’re a great scientist and a quick learner and a good person”

“Really?”

“I read your report. You told Admiral Marcus to go fuck himself and I want people like you on my ship” she grinned

“You want me to tell you to go fuck yourself?”

“No, of course not… but you know what I mean. I’ve only got two people who put my orders into question, one being Bones who’s my best friend and Spock who questions anything that’s not from him anyway”

“So you want me to doubt you too?”

“I sometimes need someone telling me off when I’m an idiot. And I know you’ve got the balls to do so” she snorted with laughter, not too sure about his words. “But if you’d rather start on another ship, where you don’t go onto such a big mission at the beginning I understand. Or if you have enough of me and my crew”

“No, of course not. I mean… thank you for your offer, I feel honored”

“But?” he asked

“Well you’re right, I’m not sure I actually am ready for such a mission now”

“If I can be honest. I bet if anyone can do it it’s you. Besides, you won’t be alone. You already know a couple of people on board”

“Yeah but only bridge crew. And I doubt that this will be where I’ll be working”

“Okay, let me put it that way. I can really see you climbing up that career ladder. We need to report to Starbases at least once a year anyway, so each time we do that, you can complete a new test there and get promoted. So once you’re Lieutenant, which you could be by the end of next year, I could assign you to the bridge. Besides, the Enterprise doesn’t have a Junior Science Officer during Alpha shifts because we got Spock but we may change that…”

“You really don’t need to do this. I mean, I probably am just as happy if I can be working somewhere else on the ship. Maybe even better because then I won’t have responsibility. It’s just… I’d love to go on away-missions too but I know there will be many other scientist who have better qualification for that” he clicked his tongue

“Well, usually an away-team needs the best people. So it would be, speaking like Spock, logical to take people with different talents. And you are a great scientist and are skilled at diplomacy. We can always use someone like you if there are other cultures involved.

“I doubt I could speak their language”

“We’ve got translators for a reason… or Uhura comes.”

“Right”

“So what do you say? Are in interested in a tryout?”

“A tryout?”

“Yeah. We want to see how you’re doing before we can decide. And it’s what Starfleet requires at least for all the cadets. So there will be a big tryout day for all of you, all departments.”

“But how is that possible? I mean, the reparations on the Enterprise aren’t finished yet, so how are you supposed to see us in action?”

“That’s easy. Starfleet Academy has given us permission to use the Kobayashi Maru rooms for the cadets that study Command. As for you scientists, we will find you a ‘mission’. It’ll just take place on earth but we’ll pretend it’s a foreign planet. The procedure’s the same, anyways. Maybe we can still use one of the labs on the Enterprise in the end. It’s not all sorted out yet.”

“Oh okay. When will this be?”

“I’ll need to interview other cadet first and when I’ve made the first decision, we will let you take this ‘missions’ on a weekend. Maybe you’ll have a part in the Kobayashi Maru simulation too. But don’t worry, you won’t need to save another ship or so. We merely need the environment to let you investigate the destination”

“That makes sense” she smiled.

“Oh. One last thing. Did you tell Spock about your application for the Enterprise yet?”

“You mean if he knows that I want to join you on the mission maybe? No, he doesn’t”

“Right. I’d like to keep it that way until the tryout. I can’t wait to see his face when he sees you”

“Does that mean he’ll be there too? I mean… sure he will since he’s your First Officer and Chief Science Officer at the same time”

“Exactly. He’ll be the one to help you with this task for the tryout” he got up and shook her hand “You’ll hear from me as soon as I know more.”

“Sure” she smiled and he opened her the door

“Oh and Carissa?”

“Yeah?”

“I just wanted to apologize for having been an idiot when we first met” she smiled when she thought back of the Kobayashi Maru simulation oh so long ago where she had first met him.

“Forgiven and forgotten. I kinda think it’s funny now. Except for the fact that you cheated on the test”

“Glad to hear that”

“You’re welcome. Thank you for scaring off Andrew last year at the party when…. you know”

“Sure thing” he nodded at her and they parted ways.

-oO0Oo-

In the three weeks before she heard from Jim again, she had been to two other interviews and had been invited to yet another tryout. She also started with her final project and had the first talk with her evaluator. But once she heard more details about her tryout for the Enterprise, this was everything she could focus on. A part of her hated herself because she feared that Spock was the only reason she wanted to be on that ship but she had to admit that this wasn’t true. There were many other reasons and yet she still wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to directly go onto a five year mission. Her parents definitely wouldn’t like that but she didn’t care. In fact, she believed that she’d try even harder to get onto the Enterprise if they tried to prohibit her from doing it.

All too soon another month had passed and the day of the tryout had come. By now all they knew was that they would need to gather data about their atmosphere in the bridge of the Kobayashi Maru simulation, pretending it was a foreign planet, before they would be split into two groups and fly to Europe with a shuttlecraft where they had to fulfill the next part of their ‘mission’. When she entered the classroom they were told to meet, she realized that she knew almost every other science cadet there since they were in at least one of her courses. She took a seat next to Evans and nodded at him, pulling out her PADD to make some notes.

“You applied here too?”

“Of course I did” she said

“Oh okay. I just thought you weren’t the type to be that long into space”

“I admit it is a bit much for the start but I’m sure it’ll be fine”

“Yeah. I really hope I’ll manage to do this”

“Good luck then”

“Thanks. Same to you”

“How’s your project doing?”

“Fine” as he started to explain what he was doing, Jim entered and greeted them.

“Good morning, Cadets. Thank you for coming on that Saturday morning, I know you’ve probably got better stuff to do than participating in an ‘improvised’ tryout. Anyways, Mr Scott, my Chief Engineer, has already taken the engineering cadets with him because they’ve got heaps of work to do on the Enterprise. Doctor McCoy and my First Officer Mr Spock should be arriving any moment. And I will take care of those who want to pursuit a career in command but they’ll only arrive in a few hours. Now, to your assignments. As you have been already informed, everything is a bit improvised and we’ve agreed on the following program: We will make three groups, medicals and other sciences mixed, and you all will spend some time on the bridge of the USS Trainor, where the scientists will investigate a fictive planned we called AlphaBetaGamma. However, the medics among you will pursuit other task on the bridge at that time because we won’t always need you in Sickbay and then you might be working on the bridge one day. Then, we will make new groups and the medics follow McCoy to the Academy’s sickbay to learn something about viruses and bacteria and complete a little workshop on hypos and whatever. Meanwhile, the scientists will be divided in two groups of four and each group gets an instructor who will fly them to Europe in a shuttlecraft, where you’re supposed to pretend you’re on AlphaBetaGamma and collect rocks, bugs, plants and whatever and do some experiments on them before you decide to take them back to the ship, which will be the science lab of the Enterprise because that’s like the only thing that’s working on this ship. There you will finish your tasks and if everything works well, you’ll be finished by tomorrow afternoon. And yes, you will spend a night in Europe. The people from the command division will just stay in the Kobayashi Maru rooms with me and fulfill a couple of tasks once they arrive. Any questions so far?”

“What exactly are we supposed to do with these elements we collect?”

“Mr Spock will explain it to you once you’ve determined everything about our little planet. He’ll also give you more details about what you need to collect.” Jim said “Oh and speaking of him, he’ll accompany you to Europe but he’ll go to Geneva because they asked him to have a look at their particle accelerator because they seem to have a little issue” he shrugged and Carissa remember that Spock had told her about that when she asked him what he was doing on the weekend (because she wanted to find out if he guessed that she would be coming to the tryout). “So he’ll stay there and one group will pick him up on their way back” they nodded and Jim had a look at the time “I bet Spock’s been taking my instruction to give me five minutes a bit too literally…” he said “And Bones’ late anyways” he walked to the door and opened it. “Oh there you are. Come in, I’m done” he said and his First Officer as well as the medical officer entered the room. Their eyes wandered through the room and she could see Spock freezing when he must have seen her and his eyebrow cocked up. She grinned at him, waving a tiny hello with her hand. “And?” Jim asked, standing beside the Vulcan and glancing at him as if he expected a reaction “What do you think of them?” he looked at the Captain

“I trust your judgement that they will be distinguished”

“That’s the spirit” he patted his back before he went to introduce McCoy, then his other friend.

-oO0Oo-

After everyone had a detailed assignment, they left for the Kobayashi Maru simulator. Since they needed a Captain and an evaluator for this task, Spock sat down in the Captain’s chair and told everyone what they had to do. Since they couldn’t all be at the science desk, they took other roles and would all determine one thing about the fictional planet, just that the instruments would take the data from the devices that had been installed on the roof of the Academy. She suggested it had been Spock who made sure the data was visible in on the instruments of the USS Trainor Finally, it was Carissa’s turn and she had to determine what kind of life that could be found on the planet.

“Definitely humanoid lifeforms but different species. The vegetation is almost similar to the one on planet Earth but sparse in that area and I get indicators of vertebrates and also other animal phylums, such as mollusks and arthropods. Most of them also belong to different classes. So I guess it’s safe to say it’s very biodiverse. Wow, even the water has many living things inside it” she decided and had to pull herself together not to get off the point too much. Plus, she was also surprised by how good and detailed the measuring devices on the roof were working “Funnily all lifeforms have already been identified, so there probably won’t be much that is unknown. At least not in that area. And there’s a civilization that’s using advanced technology. But I think we’d better land somewhere else where there isn’t that much populated so that we don’t go noticed. Shall I make out coordinates that we could land?”

“Thank you, Cadet Wiley. Cadet George, please take over and determine convenient landing-coordinates”

“Do I need to find them in Europe?”

“Have I mentioned the continent?”

“Err no?”

“May I hear from you what task I gave you?”

“To find coordinates to land?”

“Exactly”

“Oh I see, I just need to find a good spot and then we pretend that the place in Europe are those coordinates…” he got to work and for a couple of minutes not much happened until he said two coordinates. Spock asked another cadet at the helm to check them out.

“It looks like a shuttle landing place from an airport, Sir”

“Cadet George, I do understand why you think such a place would make a good area to land but the point of our mission is to not get into contact with the natives if possible”

“But Wiley said they’re a known species. So they won’t cause us trouble. Besides, we could land in the night…”

“Yeah sure” Carissa muttered “Because no one will be there then because of course no shuttles land at night. And just because we know a species doesn’t mean they don’t mean trouble” her classmate sighed and tried again, naming two other coordinates.

“That’s a corn field” the helmsman reported after checking

“Yeah, then we could hide the shuttle in there” Spock shifted in the Captain’s chair and she was sure had he been human, he would have buried his face in his hands.

“What if someone is there? And do you really want to destroy their food when we land? That surely won’t cause trouble at all” Carissa asked

“Your classmate is right” Spock said “Please, try one last time”

“What do you expect me to do? Shall we land in the Antarctica or what? You’ve got no one there” Carissa muttered to herself that there still were some science outposts.

“Can you repeat your mission?”

“We’ve got to find three different samples, like rocks, plants or insects”

“Do you expect to find the latter two at the place you just mentioned?”

“Err no?” Spock raised an eyebrow “Yes?” now Carissa buried her face in her hands. “No anyway? I’m confused. You make me nervous”

“I have made that observation as well, yes. Cadet Wiley, please take over” although she felt pride the he wanted her to do it, she felt sorry for her fellow cadet, knowing he had forfeited his chance for a place on the Enterprise.

Once everything was sorted out, they left the simulation room and gathered in the classroom from the beginning again. When the second group was finished, Spock sent the medics away with Leonard before they made two groups of four with the rest of the scientists. Again they were told what they had to do and then left for the ship hangar where they would meet their instructors, the ones who would also evaluate them.

-oO0Oo-

Somehow Carissa felt strange knowing that she had been to space and another planet before but never to another continent on Earth. They landed somewhere in France for all she knew and had to take the samples and do some experimenting there.

“Almost a pity we can’t stay here longer. I’d love to spend a day here before we return” a classmate said as they tried to collect some bugs they had found.

“Yeah. How did your part in the simulation go?” Carissa asked

“Quite well. Though Evan didn’t even ‘scan’ the planet and just told us about Earth’s atmosphere what he knew himself and I guess he made at least one mistake.”

“Oh. Ryan wanted us to land on an airport, then a cornfield and then went for Antarctica” her partner looked at her and grinned

“Okay, I think that’s worse. So where are we now, according to him?”

“Oh Spock was fed up with him and told me to take over. No idea where exactly I brought us but there’s a like some miles away from San Francisco. At least if we had landed at the place I wanted us to go….”

“I still don’t know why they couldn’t just let us stay in America”

“Well maybe that would have been to close. Here it’s a bit different already…Besides, like this we needed to be in that shuttlecraft a bit longer… or maybe because the Commanded needed to go to Geneva anyways”

“Okay, that makes sense” they fell silent again and tried to get the bugs into the jars.

“That somehow reminds me of elementary school”

“Yeah” he chuckled “Wouldn’t have thought back then that I would be collecting bugs in space one day. Well not in space itself, on foreign planets I mean.”

“If there even are bugs on those planet”

“Well, AlphaBetaGamma has bugs” he said, holding up his jar with two bugs in it

“Yes it does. Agile ones” she chuckled. “Hey do you have any idea what the time is?”

“Uhh… I know our American time but I have no idea what time zone we are in right now. Why did you ask?”

“Just because. We need to plan our night and it looks like it’s getting dark soon. Besides, you remember that Commander Spock said he would contact us at 2000 hours local time. Not that we miss his call”

“I still don’t get why he has to call us? We’ve got our instructor”

“He’s our captain in this exercise, don’t forget that. We need to report to him as we would on a mission. Besides, he is responsible for us. What if we got attacked by wolves?”

“I bet the instructor has a phaser. But hey, imagine we would take a wolf with us to examine it. We’d definitely get that place on the ship”

“Still. What if it’s a pack and he’s killed? Then we’re screwed” she shrugged “But I doubt there are wolves here anyways. Maybe he just wants to make sure no one got lost or left or whatever” she shrugged.

“Okay, we can go back to meet the others again” her partner said and got up, wiping the dirt off his trousers. “I think five bugs should be enough for now. We’ve still got to make the experiments” she nodded and took a handful of soil which she put in the container as well. “Do we need to take soil?”

“Nah, but it’ll help to calm down the bugs. Besides more samples are better than too few…” she gave a shrug and they returned to the shuttle. Their teammates were already back and did the tests on their rocks and plants. Also Carissa and Theodore took out the supplies they needed to perform their examinations. The instructor walked over to them and asked them to explain what they were doing as they did it.

-oO0Oo-

Suddenly Carissa saw that the sun had sunk and frowned. This probably meant that it had been 8 PM and she wondered why her boyfriend hadn’t gotten into contact with them yet. She asked the instructor what time it was

“2024 hours” he replied.

“Commander Spock hasn’t contacted us yet” she said

“He must have forgotten it” Theodore suggested

“Definitely not” Carissa said

“The CERN has closed now, hasn’t it?” an alien cadet called Syl asked.

“Yes. So he can’t have been distracted” Carissa said “Which is rare anyways. Vulcans never forget things”

“Maybe he forgot his PADD somewhere?”

“Or the other group has taken longer with their report”

“I guess we should contact them to ask”

“What for? I bet he’ll get in touch any moment now”

“Don’t Vulcans meditate?”

“Ah sure that must be the reason. It probably took longer than usual” the instructor said, obviously relieved

“He probably wouldn’t do it before he contacted us. I mean there’s always a chance it takes longer” Carissa corrected. She entered the shuttle and contacted the other group. They seemed surprised but they hadn’t heard anything from Spock either. “Well,” she said and gave a shrug “Then we contact him” she decided as she tried to reach him on his PADD, ignoring the frowns and protests from some of her teammates. Right now she didn’t even care if she disrupted his mediation, she was worried because she knew it was very, very much unlike him to not contact her at the time he promised. She saw that the connection was built, all Spock needed to do was to answer her call. Which he didn’t. In contrary, he dismissed her “He dismissed the call” she gasped and instantly tried to reach him again but the signal was lost “And his signal’s gone”

“Oh come on, it maybe just was the connection that broke. Must be a mistake in the network. We’re out in nowhere here.”

“That connection is supposed to work without an external network” she said “We can’t expect other planets to have this. I’m telling you one thing. There is something wrong. It makes no sense that he dismissed the call”

“Someone could have stolen his PADD”

“He probably has a communicator with him. He would have contacted us with that”

“Maybe he didn’t realize his PADD is gone and forgot to call us?”

“That sounds unlikely” Syl said “What should we do?” Carissa looked to the instructor

“I guess we should inform Starfleet and see if they can reach him. I’ve got no idea how to contact him on his communicator. Or do you know?”

“I know” he said as he took out his own communicator and switched it on, trying to reach the Commander “Nothing” he said

“Maybe someone stole his PADD and his communicator”

“He’s probably more intelligent than the five of us put together. He would have found a way to contact us if he is in a state to do so”

“He was robbed and knocked out”

“That would have needed to be a huge group who did this. Vulcans are much stronger than most other species that life on earth”

“Well then it was a large group that robbed and knocked him out”

“So we all agree that something is not alright?”

“What are we supposed to do?”

“We contact Starfleet and ask them if we can go and investigate”

“I bet this is just a test… they want us to worry and as soon as we arrive in Geneva, he’ll await us and tell us that we all failed because we ignored our task”

“Come on, if this was a test it we would act correct by go and having a look. Who cares about rocks when someone of our crew could be in danger?”

“Well he isn’t our crew. Besides, it aren’t just rocks, there are plants and bugs too”

“I bet you won’t pass this tryout with that attitude. And I’m going to contact Starfleet now and ask for their permission to go and have a look” before anyone protested she just did that, not even caring if their instructor was okay with it. Starfleet allowed them to go to Geneva to see if they could find the Vulcan, which didn’t really make everyone all too happy. On their way there, Carissa didn’t care about the other cadet’s looks since she could only think about her boyfriend and what could have happened to him. She even demanded the last coordinates of his PADD, what made her frown even more “He’s somewhere in France now. I mean at least he’s been there at the time before his PADD was switched off”

“Doesn’t mean he was there. Maybe that’s where the thieves went” Syl said.

“True. That’s why we’ll go to Geneva first anyway” Carissa said, not even noticing that she had kind of taken the lead of the mission “Someone should go to his hotel to ask if he has been there”

“How are we supposed to know which hotel he is in?”

“Good question” Carissa said, looking at their instructor “Do you know something?”

“I can’t recall the name”

“Then we’ll just look up which hotels are near the CERN” Carissa decided as she switched on the PADD again. Luckily, she knew him well enough to exclude three fancy ones and a hostel. She then handed the PADD to the instructor, who quickly retrieved the address of the right hotel. “Good. That’s where we head first”

“And what do we tell them?”

“The truth” Carissa said

-oO0Oo-

Somehow she was surprised that they were even allowed to have a look at Spock’s room. The other cadets didn’t even dare to enter and if she was honest, she wouldn’t have done it either if Spock hadn’t been her boyfriend. But after all she had lived with him for a year, so this didn’t feel wrong. After all she wouldn’t rummage his things and just have a look if she saw anything suspicious, like traces of a fight. It seemed like he only had been here to deposit his bag and change from his uniform shirt into something else, informal. She figured that he only reason he’d leave his room again was to get food. This was what she told the other cadets and the instructor after she left the room.

“Excuse me, have you seen him leaving maybe?” she asked the receptionist who shook his head. His colleague, however, seemed to have seen him. “Could you see what he had with him? I mean is it possible he had a PADD like this?” she asked, holding up the one from the shuttle.

“Probably…” she answered.

“Do you know what kind of restaurants are nearby? Like approximately ten minutes of walking? Nothing too fancy, crowded or loud. Nothing that mostly sells meat and probably not international kitchen. Maybe something typical from here?” she turned to her colleague and they talked in French before Carissa was told names of certain restaurants

“Oh wait. ‘The Space’”

“It’s international” Carissa was already getting information about it and a small gasp left her lips

“Not international. Intergalactic is more like it” she said

“You mean he went there?” Theodore asked

“I am quite sure they serve Vulcan meals, so yes”

“Alright, let’s go there”

“No, we should try to find out which way he took and take this one too… maybe we find traces of a fight there”

“Or he got involved in a bar fight”

“Definitely” she grumbled, asking the PADD for directions to said restaurant

“He could have just provoked someone without knowing. He just has a manner that makes you want to beat him senseless at times”

“Okay that’s true” she admitted. “We’ll just take different ways and meet at the restaurant in… 15 minutes”

“What kind of traces of a fight do you mean?”

“I don’t know, anything that could have been used as a weapon or blood”

“Isn’t Vulcan blood blue?”

“Green” she mumbled before she told everyone where they should walk through. On the way to the restaurant she didn’t know if she wanted to find traces of a fight. A part of her hoped she would because at least she would have an idea what happened, on the other hand she didn’t want something to have happened to him. But something told her that if he was alright he would have long gotten in touch with them somehow. She swallowed and walked faster. Her classmates were already awaiting her at the restaurant

“Nothing. We even were inside. He wasn’t here. So he either got attacked on the way here, without traces, he didn’t come here or nothing happened at all” she nodded and once again tried to contact him, just out of foolish hope. At least she saw that his PADD was on again. This time she cancelled the call, hoping there would be a way to locate it.

“I’ve got the signal of his PADD again. I’ll ask Starfleet to locate it”

“Good. Then they can come here and investigate themselves. This is not our job”

“We can at least go to have a look. Maybe it’s just the thieves that are there. But then they could tell us something about his whereabouts.” Syl said, offering Carissa some comfort

“Yes. We can get an overview of the situation” she contacted Starfleet and shortly after had the coordinates she asked for. “They said we could go there to have a look. They’re coming too” she informed her friends.

“Good. Let’s return to our actual task…”

“Look, it takes Starfleet over four hours to get here… we’d better go and have look because we’ll need about half an hour with the shuttle. If he was abducted, every minute could count”

“And what do you suggest? That we’d go and rescue him?” although she would have never admitted it out loud, she did somehow like the thought of rescuing him.

-

Next Chapter

[deanismysavior]

This is my story

Trigger warnings for manipulation, ptsd, anxiety, mental illness, paranoia, possible stalking, toxic relationships

Words included but not pertaining to the actual story: rape, assault, abuse

1. 

In my freshman year of college, all I wanted to do was make friends. It was the sole purpose I moved from my small town in Connecticut to New York for college. I wanted to meet new people, and fine, I’ll say it, I was naive. Growing up around the same people your entire life can affect your expectations of people, and as someone who was generally pretty optimistic about most things, I had a tendency of giving people the benefit of the doubt. I never should have done that. 

My freshman year of college was the first time I ever felt something as close to what I can only describe as post-traumatic stress, but I guess I should start from the beginning. There was a boy in my Art History class who approached me on the second day of our class. I’ll call him Stan. He told me that he’d gotten his schedule mixed up and that he’d missed the first class. Seeing my opportunity to make a new friend, I offered to send him my notes from the first class, and we exchanged phone numbers. I was so relieved I had found someone in my class to exchange numbers with since that was what every orientation leader and RA I’d talked to had suggested to do on the first day of classes. That day, he walked me back to my dorm (on the opposite side of the residential campus to his own). At the time, I didn’t think much of it. I thought he was just being friendly and nice. Once we’d reached my dorm, he stopped me. 

“Come here. Give me a hug,” he said.

Now, I’m not someone who’s in the habit of hugging strangers or even acquaintances. The request made me feel off, but I couldn’t quite place why I felt that way. Not knowing what else to do, and not wanting to be rude to who I hoped would become my new friend, I hugged him. It felt wrong. I can’t describe the feeling, but it wasn’t how a hug was supposed to feel. A hug is supposed to make you feel warm. I walked to my dorm feeling completely cold. 

Now I wasn’t stupid, I considered that this interaction may have been the boy’s showing romantic interest, but I didn’t have much experience with that sort of attention coming from boys at the time, and I didn’t want to overthink it. 

Things were okay with Stan for a little while. He walked me back to my dorm again the next class, but it was about a few weeks into the semester when things started to change. After not showing up to class one day, Stan texted me. 

Hey, would you be able to do me a favor and sign my name on the attendance sheet today? I don’t want it to count against me, and I don’t know how many absences I get. I just really couldn’t come today.

I was not a rule-breaker, and I’m still not. I expressed my discomfort at the situation. If I got caught, I didn’t know what the repercussions of that action would be, but I didn’t know what to do. He told me I didn’t have to, but that it would be really helpful if I did. I didn’t want to let down someone I had just made friends with. I didn’t recognize how this behavior was manipulative at the time. He told me how awesome I was and how much he appreciated me. 

I thought that this was a one-time occurance, but sure enough, a couple weeks later, he texted me about it again. I told him he should really start coming to class.

After that, Stan stopped walking me back to my dorm. On the days he did show up to class, he showed up halfway through, just to sign his name on the attendance sheet I was sure. He didn’t bring a notebook. Sometimes he would do homework for other classes when he sat there. It began to frustrate me how little he cared. I started ignoring his texts. 

When the midterm came around, he texted me again. He told me that he didn’t have a copy of the textbook and asked if he could borrow mine. I told him I was busy with my other midterms and that I needed to use my textbook to study from. I was even more annoyed now. How had he gone halfway through the semester without the textbook?

I decided then that I wanted to distance myself from Stan. He didn’t seem to have much interest in being my friend anymore anyway. Maybe he never did. He’d just seen some eager freshman at the start of her college career and decided she would be an easy target. 

After the midterm, he texted me again. He said he didn’t do as well as he’d hoped.

Maybe we can study together. I know you know your stuff.

I know my stuff because I go to class, I replied. 

He told me he was really going to apply himself in the second half of the semester and that he wanted to bring his grade up. He said he was going to be better about coming to class. Like a fool, I believed him.

It only took him a week to start asking me to sign his name on the attendance sheet again. This time, I stopped replying for good. I realized that he hadn’t changed, and that he had no intention to. I was disappointed, but I wasn’t surprised.

It had been a few weeks since I’d talked to Stan. He would leave directly after class had ended, so I thought I’d shaken him off. I was relieved. Then, one day as I was walking back to my dorm, taking the walkway that went directly from the academic side of campus to the freshman dorm buildings, I ran into Stan, my lemonade and my lunch from our campus Au Bon Pain in my hand. I felt myself freeze.

He smiled at me and said hi, then he stopped me. 

“Hey, so I was thinking, would you want to get lunch sometime?” 

I felt the pit of my stomach sink, but Stan was close to six foot five inches, and he’d never technically done anything to me, right? I mean, maybe he didn’t even realize. I said sure, mostly so that the interaction would end and I could go back to my dorm and eat my lunch in peace.

I walked away, my heart racing. I had been alone in this enclosed walkway with this boy I barely knew, this boy who was older than I was, and much larger. I didn’t feel the tightness in my chest subside until I was safe on the other side of the turnstile into my dorm building. My mind started cycling through all of the possibilities. Was he asking me to lunch as a friend? But that didn’t make sense. He’d barely talked to me at all outside of texting me to help him out in class and he didn’t wait to talk to me after class anymore. Was he asking me to lunch to study? This was more plausible since it seemed like everything that he’d talked to me about all semester had been about his attendance or wanting help with notes or study materials. Was he asking me to lunch because he liked me? This was perhaps the most troubling option for me. He’d never once made me feel safe.

It was then that everything clicked for me. All the red flags I’d been ignoring. I realized how taken advantage of I’d been feeling the whole time, how one-sided this relationship had become. How one-sided I’d let it become. 

The next morning I told him I couldn’t make our lunch plans. He said that maybe we could reschedule. I said maybe some other time, but I knew that I didn’t mean it. 

In the following weeks, I started seeing Stan even more. I’d begun to notice that he started using the walkway to the freshman dorms more often, even though he wasn’t a freshman himself and on a couple occasions, I even saw him in the freshman dining hall. Why was an upperclassmen constantly hanging around an all-freshman dorm by himself? Maybe all of it was coincidence, but I began to feel paranoid, like he was purposely showing up in the places he knew I would be. It made my skin crawl. I ended up changing the way I walked home to my dorm, even though it took longer. The main walkway was far more crowded, so even if I did see him, I  would have backup if things turned south. It got to the point where I felt anxious in class, wondering if he would show up that day, and when he did, it became hard for me to concentrate, but more than that, I was afraid of going anywhere on campus by myself. I wouldn’t feel safe until I had the swipe-access-only turnstile of my dorm building between myself and the rest of the campus.

After I had taken some time avoiding Stan to the best of my abilities and ignoring his requests for me to sign him into class, he contacted me again, asking if I wanted to do the Museum Project with him. Our Art History professor had assigned us a paper that required us to travel into New York City to visit the Metropolitan Museum of Art and write about one of the art pieces there. Luckily, I had already made plans to go with a few of my friends, and I told him as much. Traveling into one of the biggest cities in the United States with a guy I barely knew? I couldn’t even imagine what that would have been like.

After telling him no to the museum project and a few more failed attempts at asking me to sign the attendance sheet for him, I thought I had made it pretty clear where I stood with Stan, but by the time finals rolled around, he contacted me again asking me to study, and at this point, I’d had enough. I’m not proud of everything I said, but I am proud that I stood up for myself. I told him that at the beginning I’d wanted to help him because I thought we were friends, but that clearly he didn’t actually care about me and that he was only using me for help in class. I told him no, that I wasn’t there to save his ass. 

He came back at me, saying that he had tried to get to know me better when he’d asked me to lunch and to do the project, that he had gotten the book and been studying, and that he didn’t need anyone to save his grade in the class. His words made me second guess everything I’d been feeling. Did I even have any right to feel violated by him? I didn’t know. 

I decided to reach out to a friend and ask him what he thought of the situation. Was I overreacting? Was I being too cruel or too paranoid? 

“No, he knows he fucked up and now he’s trying to do damage control. Look at the way he’s taken every issue you brought up and pinned it back on you. He’s not taking any accountability for himself. If he’d really cared about preserving a friendship here, he would have apologized instead of blaming you. Don’t fall for it. He’s only trying to make you feel bad so that you apologize and he can feel better for his own shitty behavior.”

I’m glad I reached out. If I hadn’t, I probably would have caved. 

When I showed up for the final, I sat in the seat I always did, all the way over to the right in the first row. When Stan walked into the final, he sat down two rows from me, and about two minutes later, got up from his seat, and switched to the seat directly behind me. I can’t be sure of his intention, but my best guess was that he was trying to shake me, trying to get me back for not helping him; either that, or he was attempting to cheat off me. I want you all to know that I got an A on that final exam.

Though it’s gotten much better since my first semester of my freshman year ended, I still flinch whenever I see someone that reminds me of him. My heart still quickens its pace, and I still feel that nervousness in the pit of my stomach that makes me want to sweat. 

The worst part is that I don’t know if my actions were warranted. I knew that Stan certainly wasn’t the type of person I wanted to be friends with, but I didn’t know whether or not he was actually dangerous. A part of me still feels like maybe I overreacted, that maybe I should never have been scared in the first place, that maybe he’s actually a great guy, and I just didn’t give him enough of a chance. These are all things I tell myself constantly, but the truth is that I’ll never know. 

In September of 2018, I had the first day of my Greek and Roman History class. Stan was in that class. It was still difficult for me to be around him. I still didn’t feel safe, but this had been a class I had been looking forward to for months. I had to sit with the choice that I either had to drop the class that I loved, or I had to stay in it with this constant reminder of my trauma sitting halfway across the room. I convinced myself that I was strong and that I wouldn’t let him win. I stayed. 

Stan didn’t talk to me at all that semester. 

2. 

In the second half of my sophomore year, I started dating my first girlfriend. We were best friends before we had started dating, and though some of our mutual friends found it hard to adjust to our being together initially, they were, for the most part, supportive. I thought that because we had always gotten along and communicated well as friends that it would be the same when we were together, but it wasn’t. 

Now I won’t get into personal details about her, because I still want to respect her privacy, but there were problems I knew that we would face going into things. I just didn’t know how severe these issues would be. I thought I knew what to expect and that I could handle it, but that wasn’t how things turned out. 

Things were okay for a little while and I was happy exploring these new experiences, but it became clear pretty quickly that we weren’t on the same page. She needed to take things slow, which I was okay with. I made a conscious effort to respect her boundaries and I always tried to make sure that she felt comfortable and safe. She told me she wasn’t much for PDA. Again, I had figured that this would be fine with me since we wanted to keep things under the radar to begin with. We ran in a lot of the same circles and were involved in the same clubs, so we had both agreed that we didn’t want this relationship to affect our professionalism. She told me that she needed space sometimes. Being a natural introvert, I understood this need and tried my best to be mindful of her time.

It soon became apparent that these needs were much more confusing and complicated than I had at first envisioned. Her need to take things slow had morphed into a need to essentially never develop much of a physical relationship at all. Any time it seemed that I wanted to be close to her, she seemed cold toward the idea. Though I am not outwardly the most touchy-feely person, when it comes to the people I am close to, physical affection, as simple as just hugging or hand-holding is important to my bond with them. Her rejection of these things led me to experience these feelings of being unwanted. It was something that was important to me, but I respected her boundaries, and I wanted to make it work, so I compromised. 

Though she had said she wasn’t into PDA, it seemed like the only times that she would ever be physically affectionate were when we were out with our friends, and myself, starved for this attention, took it where I could get it. This left me feeling confused as to where her boundary was. She’d made it pretty clear at the outset that she didn’t want to be coupley in public, but then did the exact opposite thing. She would snuggle up to me and act protective if anyone else tried to sit next to me instead. She began telling people outside of our friend group about our relationship. It wasn’t that I was embarrassed of her or that I didn’t want her to tell her friends, but it was something that we had mutually agreed upon, and here she was, going back on her word. She hadn’t even had the decency to talk to me about it beforehand or renegotiate the terms we had set. Soon, there were people I didn’t even know who now knew that I was queer when I wasn’t even out to my family yet. I was frustrated. When I tried to bring it up to her, she made me feel guilty for trying to hide our relationship. I talked about it to one of our mutual friends and she told me that my girlfriend just wanted to show me off because she was proud to be with me and that I was making a bigger deal out of it than it was. They both made me feel like I was unwarranted in my frustration, and so I let it slide. I found myself again sacrificing my own needs and sense of comfort for what she wanted. 

At first the space didn’t bother me so much. I had my own friends and my own work to do, but it got to the point where it seemed like the only time she wanted to spend with me was when we were around other people. She’d be perfectly content to invite me out with all of her friends, but when I suggested we spend time together alone, she’d tell me she was exhausted or tired or stressed and that she needed space. I would have understood if it didn’t feel like she made time for everyone except me. When it came to her priorities, I always seemed to come in dead last. 

It didn’t get really bad until the summer. We didn’t live in the same state, so naturally we didn’t get to see each other too often, but I did make two trips up to see her. When I suggested that she come down to see me, she told me that she didn’t have the money or the means to transport herself (she couldn’t drive and she was always broke). That same summer, she took a bus to New Jersey to go to Bookcon and she traveled all the way into New York City just for a job interview. Throughout the summer though, I texted her a lot. I would tell her how much I missed her and I would always be the one who was reaching out. She would go days without replying to me, sometimes even weeks. Her excuse was always that she was busy working. It felt like I was begging her for attention. That past year, I had grown my confidence so much, but I’d never felt as worthless as I did that summer.

When she got back to school that year, she didn’t even tell me. I had to find out from a friend that she was back on campus. She apologized to me, but after that day, I barely saw her for the next few weeks. I got so sick of it, I confronted her about it. I told her that if she wanted to stay together that I had to be a priority to her. When I said this, she looked at her calendar sheepishly and told me that she could make time to go out with me a week out from then. 

I’d like to say that the reason we broke up is that I finally stood up for myself and realized that I’d had enough, but I can’t say that. That wasn’t the reason at all. I won’t get into the details here, because that isn’t the world’s business, but I told her that I didn’t see a point in continuing a relationship where that was never on the table. It was unceremonious. Like I said, she was my best friend, so at the time, I was devastated. A few days after that, we met up again to talk about it, and I ended things more finally that time. I guess it hadn’t sunk in for her that we were really breaking up. 

We tried to be friends for a little while after that, but it proved difficult for me. The more time I spent away from the situation, the more I realized that there were parts of this relationship that were completely not okay, but I’d let it slide because I cared about her. I had never thought my best friend would be capable of hurting me like that. In fact, it hadn’t been until a few weeks prior, before our breakup, when a few of our mutual friends had sat me down and talked to me about it that I even allowed myself to acknowledge how toxic that relationship had become. They told me that what happened in the relationship I had with her wasn’t normal. It was my first relationship and I hadn’t known any different. 

Things didn’t really come to a head until I snapped. At that time, I was still hanging out with that group of friends and I was walking back to my dorm with them. For a month, my ex had been making snarky, passive aggressive comments about our book club, a club that I was on the executive board of, because we had to make decisions about the club and how to run it that didn’t align with what she had apparently wanted out of this club. It had annoyed me at the time, but I had a lot of other things going on then and I didn’t want to create more problems, so I didn’t say anything, but that day, I was talking excitedly about the club and how I’d suggested this new book that I really wanted to read. I was explaining the premise to her and why I thought it would be a great pick for the month of October (it was The Institute by Stephen King), and she told me that she didn’t really want to read another book written by a white male author. Out of context, this might not have bothered me so much, but with the breakup and all of the negative things that she had already said about the club that I was really excited to be a part of (it had just started running the previous spring and so I was elected to their first official eboard), it just felt like another way in which she was trying to undervalue my own opinions and put the attention back on herself. I told her that I didn’t think the club was all about her. She did not take that well. That was the moment I think that I realized I had all of this unresolved anger and frustration towards the situation and I really started to realize how much it felt like she always made whatever I had to say feel less important than what she wanted to say. 

She texted me later to say that she didn’t appreciate the hostility and that I was being “really mean.” I was frustrated, and I told her that I wanted some space, but she kept digging at how mean I was being, and so I tried to explain my side of things. I told her that I felt like I was finally standing up for myself and that the things she was saying were really hurtful too. I told her how she did these kinds of things all the time and she never seemed to realize the way that her words affected people. I guess saying all of that at once was too much. 

Later, a couple of my friends called me to tell me that my ex had had a lapse in her mental health. Again, I don’t want to get into specifics here because that’s not my business to tell, but they told me that I shouldn’t have laid into her so hard and that I couldn’t talk to her like that. I had finally felt like I had given a voice to the feelings I’d been suppressing for months, and now I was being told to be quiet. It seemed like I was being blamed for the decline in her mental health when all I was trying to do was express my own frustrations. Now, I just felt even less heard and even more frustrated. 

I acknowledge that the way I handled things here was probably not the best, but as I said before, I was frustrated. I had felt like when I’d tried to address problems like this in the past, my ex had ignored me or explained away the problems I was having. I’m not here to say that you shouldn’t be sensitive to someone’s mental health, but I hadn’t known the extent of things. If I had, I might have acted differently. That being said, even if someone is struggling with their mental health, it isn’t an excuse not to take accountability, and it’s definitely not fair to blame it on someone else either. 

About a month after our breakup, the day after my birthday, my ex-girlfriend called me and told me that she was outside my dorm and asked if I could come down. She said she had something for me. I thought it was odd, but I wanted to make sure she was okay, so I went. She handed me a package she had wrapped in newspaper and told me, “Happy Birthday.” 

I hadn’t spoken to her much in the past few weeks and I felt uncomfortable accepting the gift, but I couldn’t just refuse it when she was standing there, tears streaming down her face, so I took it back up to my dorm room, where slowly, I tore back the newspaper wrapping. Inside was a copy of Paulo Coehlo’s “The Alchemist,” a book we had to read for our Popular Literature course, but she had written over the title. Inside, she had made blackout poetry, inserted her own typed-out poems, pasted pictures of us, and had drawn inside the book. At the end was an emotional letter saying how much she had messed up and that she hadn’t realized what she had until she’d lost me. She said she wanted to try to make things work again.

I didn’t know what to make of this. Maybe this would have been cute if it was something she’d done while we were together, but it just ended up feeling like a mockery. In the six months we were together, she had never once done anything for me. She only wanted to put the effort in when she realized that she had to in order to keep me. 

 I knew that I didn’t want to get back together, but now I had to close a door I thought was already shut. I texted her the following day that we should probably meet and talk about this. Going into that meeting, I wanted to make it clear that I didn’t want to get back together, that I was hurt and that I was still healing. When I arrived at her dorm that day, I sat down and took a breath.

“I don’t think that I should be with anyone right now,” I told her. “I lost a lot of myself in this relationship and I’m still trying to get myself back again. It’s going to take time for me to get back to a place where I’m feeling okay again and I’m probably going to need some space.”

I tried my best to get my point across without making her feel like shit. She had just poured her heart out to me on the page after all, and I didn’t want to be a complete asshole, but she took my words and twisted them, like she always seemed to do. She told me how she had prepared a whole speech for me about how she was going to try more and communicate better and how she was ready to change everything for me.

“But that’s all moot now,” she said with tears in her eyes.

I was trying not to actively roll my eyes at this. You’re not supposed to let on that you don’t believe someone, not even for a second when they say something like that. She kept trying to tell me that all of the things she had said when we first broke up weren’t really true and that she’d worked through them during her time back home (which was all of a matter of five days). She said she’d realized that those things were never really a problem for her but that she’d used them as an excuse to blame the failing of the relationship on that instead of on herself. I think this was only probably half true.

“But it’s okay,” she said, “because you’re still not ready.” I don’t think she understood how condescending she sounded. Somehow, it was still because of me that the relationship was ending. 

 She then started congratulating herself on how selfless she was being, about how good it felt to put me before her. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh or if I was utterly repulsed by that statement.

At the end of everything, she seemed to come to the conclusion that I just wasn’t ready yet. She said she was going to wait for me. I knew then that she had never heard me, and that she’d never seen me either. 

The next weekend, she texted me while she was drunk at a party. I told her she shouldn’t be texting me. 

A month later, I get a text from her. She tells me she wants to give me back the bottle I’d left in her dorm room and I say okay and that I need to give her her sweatshirt back anyway. We meet halfway between our dorms. “Just so you know,” she says, “I started seeing someone.”

I honestly didn’t know why she told me. I didn’t want to know. It felt like apathy. It also felt like a punch to the gut. I told her I was happy for her, because that’s what you’re supposed to do. I wasn’t. I was angry. I was so goddamn angry. 

For months, she had been trying to construct ways to get me back, and now she was trying to make me jealous. I just wanted it to be over. That was the day I decided to stop talking to her completely. 

The following month, I decided that I wanted to post something on Instagram about the summation of my year. I wanted to talk about how hard that year had been for me, but that I was proud that I had made it out on top and that things were looking up for me. As I was scrolling through my feed the following day, I saw that my ex-girlfriend had posted something too. This post seemed to be in direct response to mine, about how she had really messed up this year and that she had lost people that were important to her. The only reason I could think that she would have posted something like that was to get other people to flock to her and give her attention and to get my attention. Four months after we had broken up, and it still seemed like she was hell-bent on dragging me back into her drama. I muted her on all of my social media. 

It felt like every time I was trying to make progress towards getting over the situation, she would try to find some kind of way to come back into my life and make me miss her and care about her again. I would have maybe understood if it actually seemed like she cared about how I was feeling at all, but she didn’t. As always, the language and the tactics she used were all about her. 

Things were quiet for a few months, and I was feeling really good, probably the best I’d felt in years. I finally felt like I had re-built a support system at school (a lot of my friends were mutual friends with my ex and most of them had elected to stay in her friend group), and I was feeling like I was coming down off of some of my anger. I guess my ex thought that it was only a matter of time before my walls would wear down, because she tried speaking with me again. When I was standing and waiting for a friend in the student center, she asked me if I was waiting to have dinner with someone, and I replied saying, “Yes.” It struck me as odd because outside of professional situations, I hadn’t spoken to her in months, and even then I’d tried my best to avoid engaging with her directly as much as possible. I think she was trying to invite me to lunch with my old friend group, but I shook it off and continued to carry on. A few weeks later, she tried to start up a conversation with me like nothing had ever happened. I couldn’t leave without looking rude, and maybe I let my guard down a little bit, but I think she mistook my being polite for my forgiving her behavior over the past few months. 

In mid April, after the self-isolation started, I got a text from her saying that she was “checking in” and that she hoped that my family wasn’t driving me too crazy right now. I chose to ignore it.

In early May, she reached out to me again, this time with a much longer message. She said that she was tired of being angry about “relationship stuff.” She said, “I miss my best friend, and I would like her back.” She said she was looking at old pictures of us and that she “started sobbing.” She said that she “wanted to make the first move” in case I had been hesitant to do so. I’m not sure if she was really that delusional about the reality of the situation or if she was just making one more desperate grab at getting me back. Maybe it was both. 

There was a time when I might have thought this was sweet, but I know better now. I’ve learned to recognize that she tries to use my emotions against me and that she’s been doing it the entire time, whether she was conscious of it or not. She would only show me affection when she saw I was paying more attention to someone else than I was to her. This was no different. Now she was trying to tell me how sad she was so that I’d feel bad for being angry and resentful towards her, but there was nowhere in her message that she wanted to own up to any of her behaviors and all of her purposes in wanting to “reignite” our friendship seemed to be entirely self-serving. I don’t know, maybe I was too disillusioned by that point to care. I chose to ignore that text too. 

3.

I’m not trying to say that I played the right cards in all of these instances. In fact, I think there are a lot of ways I could have probably dealt with these situations better, but these situations took a lot out of me, and I only had so much bandwidth with which to deal with them. 

We talk a lot in our society about rape, about abuse, about harassment, but what about the stories that don’t quite fit in those categories, the ones that fall through the cracks? Why don’t we ever talk about manipulative behavior and how it can cause just as much trauma. I’m not trying to equate any of these things, because I’ll never understand what another person’s experience would be like, but I can speak to the lasting effects these situations have had on me. 

I still experience anxiety and a physical reaction any time I see a taller male figure wearing a baseball cap. Some days it’s better than others, but there are times that I get completely taken off guard and I jump. It’s hard to explain to my friends why I pause and go quiet on the walkway sometimes.

As much as I don’t like the fact, my relationship with my ex still affects my everyday life too. As I tried to enter a new relationship not too long ago, I realized that the emotional trauma I was carrying from the poor communication of that relationship negatively affected the way that I interacted with this new person. I was nervous that it would be the same thing all over again. 

With this situation, the lasting effects are certainly worse. I was much closer to my ex than I was to Stan, so moving on from the situation has been a much more arduous, drawn out process. It also doesn’t help that I’m still forced to, at least in some capacity, keep contact with her. Up until recently, she was in two of my classes. She’s still friends with a lot of my friends, which has forced me to become more distant from them as a result, but nonetheless, I still end up seeing her more often because of it. She is currently a part of the same club I am on eboard for, so blocking her number from my phone isn’t really an option I have. This constant exposure has definitely had a negative impact on me, as it affects the way that I perform in that group setting. It makes it hard to be present sometimes in a club that used to feel like a safe space to me. It makes me sad that I lost that feeling, but the club is too important for me to give up.

Most recently though, the lasting impact of the relationship affected my eboard position in a way I wasn’t expecting. I am in charge of the Public Relations for this club, and so I maintain and oversee everything that happens with our social media. One of the girls from the club approached me with the idea that we should make a TikTok account for our club, and I had to go through the very uncomfortable process of explaining that one of the most popular social media apps right now was one of my biggest triggers. When I would get to spend time alone with my ex, I wanted it to be quality time and I wanted to talk to her, but she always seemed uncomfortable with silence and needed a way to fill it. Even though I didn’t particularly care for them, she’d always start watching TikTok videos when we were alone together, which frustrated me immensely. Now, any time I see them, it takes me back to that feeling of being unwanted and not being a priority. This made my job as the chair of Public Relations extremely difficult, as I didn’t want to prevent my club from the publicity that jumping on a trend like TikTok could garner us. I decided it was in my best interest to delegate this. I told the girl that while I think it would be a good idea for the club, I couldn’t be the person to run it. 

In situations like these, there is no real way to get the kind of physical distance that one needs in order to fully heal, and it’s hard to find support when there are not a lot of resources being offered for students when their cases aren’t severe enough to require university intervention. Counseling is always a good option, and I was actually scheduled to begin seeing a counselor when the pandemic hit. I had to cancel that appointment, however, because I am an out-of-state student and I can’t travel to the school in order to make the appointments. As of right now, the university has only adapted its health services to a phone triage system, meaning that there are no formal counseling  services available to all students whilst we’ve seen the highest uptick in mental-health related crises in years. Even during a normal semester though, counseling can only work internally; it can help me to work through my emotional baggage, but it can’t act as a prevention to situations like this occurring again. It is only doing damage control. 

I will say here that I am now fairing with these situations much better, and I am actively seeking help to unlearn my own behaviors and better process these emotions, but my point still stands. 

My point is that we are not taught how to read these red flags. We’re not really ever told about when a friend is asking too much from you or how to recognize if a relationship is becoming toxic without it becoming abusive. Too often I think we seem to conflate these as the same thing, that being taken advantage of automatically means that an assault occurred or that toxicity in a relationship only rears its head when there is constant fighting. These are misconceptions. I wish that someone had told me enough to be able to recognize when I needed to get help, but we are not able to learn about these things from school or friends or the media. Too often, the only way we learn to recognize these red flags is from experience. 

In Paolo Freire’s Pedagogy of the Oppressed, Freire says, “Concern for humanization leads at once to the recognition of dehumanization, not only as an ontological possibility but as an historical reality” (Freire 43). I’d argue that’s exactly what is happening here, an allowance for dehumanization to occur. In not addressing manipulative behaviors as detrimental and writing them off as products of a person’s personality or their primary motivations (oh, maybe he’s just into you) (that’s just how she is) (they can’t help it, it’s a product of their mental illness), it not only enables these behaviors to persist, it also acts in speaking over the voices of the people who are affected by these behaviors and attempts to minimize the weight of their experiences. It’s not a mistake when people who have been manipulated say that they feel “used.” It is in this very act of using someone else that that person no longer becomes a person to you, but an object, and a means at attaining your own goals. People that show cycles of manipulative behavior dehumanize the people around them to serve their own purposes, but in ignoring these actions, we too become bystanders in this act of dehumanization. 

Works Cited

Freire, Paulo, et al. Pedagogy of the Oppressed. Bloomsbury Academic, 2018.

[thedevillord-writes]

Pandora - Sister

"A sister is both your mirror and your opposite"

-Elizabeth Fishel

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Did you see the episode last night?"

"Oh my God, it was amazing!"

"Takao-senpai is so hot when he's wearing that football uniform."

"He's so into you."

Matsuoka Haruko was popular. A high school senior, she spent a lot of her time establishing a position. She made sure to smile and greet everyone she met eyes with. She tried her best to include everyone in class for whatever activity. She would be the first to volunteer whenever someone needed help. Lesson notes, relationship advice, she had it all. Of course, it helped to be pretty and smart.

As student council president, she had always been really hands on, always making sure that events were organised perfectly and to everyone's liking. She listened to suggestions and opinions, and even when she did not agree, she would politely explain her own view and come to a compromise. She was the perfect liaison between students and teachers, always fighting for the best for her peers yet pleasing the faculties at the same time. On top of that, she was the top student in every class but never bragged about her grades. Instead, she would host after school study clubs and help those struggling. Blessed with looks, it was no wonder she became popular in school. Every girl wanted to be her, while every guy wanted to be with her. There was nothing more Haruko could ask for.

Except, there was.

"Oh wow, who is that with Mr. Watanabe? She's beautiful."

Those were words Haruko dreaded her entire life.

She had two sisters, one of whom she went to school with. While the two sisters led very different school lives, they were close. When Haruna started high school, Haruko made sure to tell everyone she knew about her little sister. They would have lunch together, and Haruko would share her experiences regarding which teachers to kiss up and which would let her get away with the occasional late homework. She told her which guys to avoid, though no one dared to bully the student council president's little sister. Haruko was protected from the very beginning.

Her other sister, however, was someone Haruko would preferably not be associated with. They were never close to begin with; they barely talked to each other when they were living under the same roof. Now that they were living apart, it only deteriorated their relationship. Haruko never saw her as a sister, just a selfish person who was willing to abandon her sisters. She lived a glamorous life while Haruko and Haruna lived in their childhood home, a two-room apartment. Everything she wore on her person was branded, while Haruko had to think twice before getting that one dress on the more expensive side.

Matsuoka Haruka was someone she did not want in her life, yet somehow, here she was.

~.~

Sisters were supposed to be close.

They were supposed to sleep in one tiny bed despite having separate rooms. They were supposed to do each other's hair and make-up, and share clothes. They were supposed to stay up late at night with ice cream and popcorn, talking about the crushes they had. But the Matsuoka sisters never did any of those things.

Haruna was ten years younger than Haruka was, they never really had the opportunity to do sisterly things because the eldest was too busy acting as a mother. Still, they had a relationship that would be considered close by most. However, there was always still distance between them, Haruka felt. There were times when she did not understand her younger sister, and times when Haruna would treat her more like a parental figure rather than a sibling.

With Haruko, however, it was a different story. They never got along, even when they were younger. There was a period of time when they lived separately and when Haruko was brought home, she resented both their mother and Haruka. She shut them out, of her room and of her life. When their mother passed, she did not shed a single tear but instead, insisted on living apart from Haruka. Her exact words were 'I cannot stand living with you for another second'. It was the one relationship Haruka desperately wanted to mend yet could not find a way to.

Sitting across from the sisters, even Miss Suzuki could tell the sisters did not get along from the tension alone. Still, she had to do her job and cleared her throat, opening up Haruko's file before looking to Haruka. "It's nice to finally meet you, Miss Matsuoka," Miss Suzuki smiled. "Haruko is an excellent student, as you probably know. She's doing extremely well in every class, and she's the student council president. She is also actively participating in activities. Her application would definitely look good. Students who do so well in school usually get a lot of support from home."

"I don't," Haruko stated. "We don't live together. I don't even know why she's here."

"I work a lot," Haruka explained. "I know I should make time for them but my schedule is crazy. I'll do better from now, I promise."

Haruko rolled her eyes, leaning back in the chair and folded her arms, looking away. Those were words she said a lot, 'I'll do better from now'. Those were words their mother used to say all the time. Haruko never believed in them, however. They were always empty words and they would always be empty words. That was not changing because they were coming from Haruka.

"Let's talk about Haruko's choices," Miss Suzuki said, changing the subject as she sensed the tension thickening. "I see here she wrote that she'd like to apply to the law course at Tokyo University and Kyoto University. Normally, we would suggest our student to apply for a back up but with Haruko's grades she'd have no problem getting into either university as long as she does well at the acceptance exam."

"Oh really? That's amazing."

"Don't pretend like you care," Haruko muttered. "Are we done now? Can I go now?"

"Well, if there's no other questions then I sup-" Before her teacher finished, Haruko got up and left. This was her first time being rude to a teacher but she could not help it. Whenever she was around Haruka, this side of her would come out subconsciously.

Giving an apologetic nod to Miss Suzuki, Haruka went after Haruko. Haruna was waiting just outside the classroom and hurried after her two older sisters when they came out. Catching up with Haruko, Haruna linked their arms together and looked back to Haruka with a wink before turning her attention on her other sister. Since she could remember, Haruna had always been caught between her two older sisters. She was always forced to choose a side but she could never, only doing her best to make sure that everyone got along.

"Haruko-nee, aren't you hungry? I'm hungry," Haruna sighed, leaning her head on Haruko's shoulder. "I really want to try the steak at that café near our school. All my friends have been except me! But we can finally go today because Haruka-nee is here! She'll pay and we can have anything and everything we like."

Haruna's intentions were so obvious that even a blind person could see right through her. As much as Haruko hated Haruka, there was no way she could ever say no to her little sister. She knew that whatever happened between her and Haruka had nothing to do with the innocent Haruna and though she was often caught between them, both older sisters tried their best not to involve the youngest in their disagreements.

Begrudgingly, Haruko agreed to having a meal.

The three sisters made their way to the café Haruna wanted to visit and ordered a table full of food. Eager, Haruna started digging into the food while the two older sisters sat opposite each other awkwardly. If she were to be honest, Haruka could not remember the last time she sat down with Haruko and had a proper conversation. Every time they tried to talk, it would always end up in an argument with the younger storming off. Picking up her cup of hot chocolate, Haruka decided to make conversation anyway, despite knowing the outcome.

"So how have you guys been?" Haruka asked.

"Same as always," Haruko replied, not giving her much to go on.

"Any interesting thing going on in school? Crushes?"

"Haruko-nee has a lot of guys after her. Pretty sure the basketball captain asked her out last week."

"Oh really? That brings me back to my school days. I went on a date with the basketball captain too."

"Yeah, and the football captain, the fencing captain, and the archery captain. Aren't you sleeping with your current boss too? We all know you're a slut, no need to advertise to us."

With Haruko's little outburst, the atmosphere was brought back to awkwardness instantly. Their relationship was never good to begin with, but ever since Haruka started working, it worsened. For some reason, Haruko seemed to think that she was using her body to get her jobs and anything else she wanted in life. It was one of many reasons why she refused to associate herself with Haruka, and no matter how she tried to explain Haruko just did not want to listen.

"I heard from your teacher that you're having a festival at the end of the year, are you guys involved in any activities?" Haruka asked, changing the subject.

"Oh yeah! My class was planning on a café, I was thinking maybe I could borrow your old work uniform."

"Absolutely not," Haruko snapped. "You're not wearing that slutty outfit for some festival café. Just because she paraded herself, doesn't mean you have to."

"Stop it!"

Both Haruka and Haruko were stunned.

Haruna never raised her voice. She was always the docile one, the one calming everyone down, but never the one initiating an argument. Even if you tried to, she would never give you much to go on and it was impossible to carry on an argument when she would just look at you with her puppy-like eyes and a little pout. She would cry in uncomfortable situations, perhaps complain here and there, but she would never raise her voice and yell back. This was the first time.

"Stop talking about Haruka-nee like that," Haruna said, already calming down but looked at Haruko with stern eyes. It was a look neither older sisters were used to. "Do you think she wants to work at a maid café when she was just sixteen? She had no choice. Do you think she really wants to be working almost twenty-four-seven now? She had to give up on her own dreams to take care of us. Yeah, she's not around all the time but she's taking great care of us. Everything you want, she'd give you. She'd go to all lengths to get you the moon if you said you wanted it."

"Then get me the moon."

"Shut up! Do you even hear yourself? She's doing her best and you're being ungrateful."

"It's okay, Nana," Haruka said.

"It's not okay!"

"It's okay," Haruka smiled, reassuring her once more. There was not much she could do to change Haruko's opinion on her though she felt comforted knowing that Haruna saw and appreciated all her efforts. "Actually, I have to be somewhere else now so I'll just pay the bill. You guys enjoy." Not wanting to sour the situation further, Haruka picked up her bag and left the café after paying the bill.

It hurt her. It hurt her deeply to know that her sister thought so lowly of her. It hurt to know that Haruko would prefer not seeing her for the rest of her life.

As she was leaving the café, a car parked on the other side of the street caught her attention. It was too fancy a car to belong to residents around the area, and the owner (whom she unfortunately knew) of the car was leaning on the bonnet as if he had been waiting for her. She used to feel irritated and frustrated to see him though for once, she felt relieved to see a familiar face. Spotting her, Yosuke stood up straight and waved though Haruka crossed the street and wrapped her arms around him instead.

Shocked, Yosuke was frozen on the spot.

The first thought that came to mind was the woman hugging him was most definitely not Haruka. She was simply a woman who looked like Haruka. Unfamiliar with the situation, Yosuke found himself petting Haruka on her back though he had no idea what he was comforting her for. Pulling away after half a minute, Haruka looked up to him. "Do you drink?"

"Excuse me?"

"Do you drink?" she repeated.

"Um...yeah."

"Good. Drive me to a supermarket."

~.~

Following Haruka around the supermarket, Yosuke was fascinated at every turn. He insisted on pushing the cart, walking behind her and picking up almost everything they came across. He never had much of a chance to experience common life, which was why he felt so attached to Haruka. She was constantly letting him experience new things, like shopping at a supermarket where you got to pick out your own fruits and the next aisle sold electronics. He felt like a child at an amusement park for the first time; every corner sprung something new and interesting at him.

Although she knew exactly what she wanted, out of habit, Haruka walked down every aisle. She did a little grocery shopping first, answering Yosuke's trivial questions at the same time. Why was she hitting the watermelons before choosing one? Why did she sniff the mangoes? Why did she put the fruits in another basket when they had a cart? It was intriguing to see how excited Yosuke was, as if he was a child. At the same time, it highlighted the difference between them.

"Wow, can you not get something better?" Yosuke asked, picking up the bottle of wine Haruka put into the cart and made a face. "I can get you a bottle that's worth like two hundred of this."

"Well guess what? I'm paying, so we're having the wine I want. And I want to drink cheap wine until I fall asleep tonight."

Still making a face, Yosuke put the wine back into the cart and followed Haruka as she turned onto the snack aisle. She picked several bag of crisps, some chocolate, and sweets dumping them all into the cart. Walking in front of the cart, she had her hand on it and pulled Yosuke along as she turned onto the next aisle where she picked two bottles of soft drinks.

With everything she needed, they finally went to pay. Once again, Yosuke could not help but be captivated by the simple conveyor belt that brought their items from one end all the way to the cashier. He even asked if he could bag the items because it seemed like fun.

Once they made it back to Haruka's apartment, she wasted no time in preparing the snacks and making drinks for both of them. Although she did not drink often, there were some things she learnt from the bartender at the hotel though most of her drinking knowledge came from Baba and their spontaneous nights out. She mixed the drinks as Baba had taught her, handing one over to Yosuke before downing hers in one shot.

"You seem to be familiar with drinking."

"I have my fun," Haruka shrugged.

"You want to tell me why we're drinking tonight? You don't really strike me as an alcoholic."

"Don't pretend like you know me, please. I hate when you do that."

Yosuke did not respond, but instead, he watched her mixed another drink for herself while he drank the one he gave her. People watching was always a hobby of his though Yosuke enjoyed one-on-one observations too. Of all his subjects, there was no one more intriguing than Haruka. In a split second, she could go through as many as five different emotions. She always said things she did not mean, though he was particularly fond of reading what was on her mind through her eyes. What was always confusing, however, was how she insisted that he was annoying yet every time he showed up, she would gladly accept his presence around her.

"Have you ever done something for the good of others but end up making things worse?" Haruka asked, already on her fourth drink.

"You've described my entire life," Yosuke chuckled. "Except, I don't do anything for the good of others. I do it for fun, and it always end up making things worse but more fun so it doesn't bother me."

"I'm talking to the wrong person," Haruka sighed, knocking back yet another shot. "I forgot that you're a literal child."

Pouring his second drink, Yosuke was starting to realise that she was not looking for a fun night with drinks. She was right in saying that she was talking to the wrong person. Yosuke was never the one someone would pour their heart out to. Not unless he fed them drinks with the purpose of making them pour their hearts out so he could use it against them some time in the future. What she was looking for right now, however, was a friend to talk to. Someone who understood what she was going through and could somehow make it better. He was definitely not that person.

"I'll tell you something I've never told anyone," Yosuke said.

[justoneday-namjoonii]

It burns, doesn’t it? [Pt. 16]

Genre/au: Mafia!au, Mature, Fluff, Angst. Violence and all that good mafia stuff. Warning: Depictions of graphic torture and brief/mentioned sexual assault. This story contains graphic imagery, mental health problems, mature subject matter, improper drug usage, suggestive language, self-medication, crude/unnerving behavior, toxic coping, intensity, bloodshed. If you’re easily triggered, please proceed with caution or don’t proceed.

members: Jungkook x Yoongi x Namjoon x Jin x Hoseok x Jimin x Taehyung x Ft. Got7 

pairing: Jungkook x reader x ?

summary: Why am I hurting alone? Why am I in love alone? 

word count: 10k +

author’s note: wow, its been almost 9 months, the long-awaited pt 16 is finally here!! I apologize for the wait, I had a lot going on in my life but I’m good^^ Anyway, I’m excited to see how this series continues to progress and all I really have to say is...its getting real♡

| Prologue | Pt. 1 | Pt. 2 | Pt. 3 | Pt. 4 | Pt. 5 | Pt. 6 | Pt. 7 | Pt. 8 | Pt. 9 | Pt. 10 | Pt. 11 | P. 12 | Pt. 13 | Pt. 14 | Pt. 15 | Pt. 16 | Pt. 17 | Pt. 18 | Pt. 19 | Pt. 20 |

Another late night.

It seemed like the only constant in his life right now is the smiling faces of his two children. They’re often asleep when he gets home, so it’s no surprise that he doesn’t hear their giggles and bickering at this time of night. He walks down the hallway, pulled at his tie and opened his bedroom door. That’s when he saw his wife sitting with a book up to her nose, eyes shifting to him upon his arrival.

“How was work, honey? You’re back much later than I thought you’d be.” His wife greets him with a kiss on the cheek as he enters their bedroom fully, briefcase being dropped to the side so he could embrace her.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, the station is a mess right now.” He released her so he could go to the restroom. He continued to speak, “I’m hoping that’ll change soon.”

He showered, tiredly washing the day off of him with the help of steaming hot water. The idea of all of the mayhem he’s in weighed on his mind, there are so many people involved and it’s all up to him to put it to a stop, for once and for all.

After he showered, he turned off the lamp and sat on the edge of the bed, just gazing out of the window.

“Honey...” His wife pipes up from her side of the bed. “What’s wrong?”

“Do you ever feel like what you’re doing won’t really make a difference? Like your work won’t pay off in the long run...Or have you ever been faced with a decision that could change lives? And you just feel scared.”

She smiled in sympathy for her husband's distress. 

“Of course honey, every nurse feels like that sometimes.” 

“But what do you do? Do you leave it for someone else whos more capable? Or do you just, go for it?...”

“Well, is it the right thing to do?”

He nods.

“Then the answer is simple, sweetheart.” She pecks his cheek, a grin on her beautiful face.

“If you have the chance to do good, then you do it.”

- The night after you met with Jungkook. -

[ 2:09 AM ]

It didn’t feel real, it couldn’t be. But you still feel his hands on your skin, his lips on your neck, and his breath against your ear—he leaves his imprint on you every time you two touch, and he hasn’t touched you in what feels like forever. Empty, that’s the word that comes to mind. A hollowness in your soul that cannot be sated, not anymore.

Jimin drove you back home, or at least back to what you call home right now. You two made it to the base and you were silent, you didn’t say anything, neither did Jimin. It wasn’t because of any hard feelings, it was because you were in shock and Jimin was just processing what he just did. He took you to see Jungkook, he gave you what you wanted, so why does it feel like he made it worse?

“I’m-...” Jimin began to say something but stops, causing you to peer at him for a moment. When he meets you curious gaze, he lets out a sigh. “I’m glad you got to see him.” He thought you would agree, or thank him, the last thing he thought you would do is start to cry.

He was completely caught off guard, so much so that he diverted his gaze. He turned the car off and waited—what he was waiting for, he wasn’t quite sure, but he wanted to tread lightly.

“I’m gonna go to my room...” You choke that out and before he registers what you said, you’re out of the car and running to the back door he took you out of.

What went wrong? You shouldn’t have been upset, he let you see Jungkook and that’s all you’ve wanted, so why are you crying all of a sudden?

Jimin understands all too well the turmoil that goes on within the head of a brokenhearted person—your heart was broken over having to leave Jungkook.

He walks into his bedroom and crashes on the bed, mind begging for a break from the mental exhaustion of the night.

The night goes on and you’ve been completely quiet for a few hours, until now. He kept hearing a bumping noise like something kept falling or something was being hit repeatedly. He got up from his bed and tiptoed to your room, even though there were still quite a few people awake, he didn’t want to be obvious as he ventured to your room.

He knocked on the door, once. When you didn’t answer, he knocked again. “Y/n? Are you okay?” You respond with an unconvincing, ‘I’m fine.’

“But I heard a bumping noise, did you fall?”

He grips the door nob and slowly pushes it open, and there you are, sitting on your bed, but laying half your body on your side. You don’t look back, even after he closes the door, you still don’t look to see who it is. He circles around the bed to where you are and furrows his brows. You’re wearing a tee-shirt, and that’s it—you must have just finished applying ointment.

“Hey,” Jimin approaches you, “Is everything okay?”

“I was hurting, everywhere...” He studies your surroundings and sees that a pill bottle was on your nightstand. It was open and it looked like you took a few out. “I took some medicine and it stopped, I’m fine, you didn’t have to come to check on me.”

Worry is deeply engraved in his brows. “Y/n, you don’t need those anymore,” He goes over to quickly close the bottle and tuck it in his pocket, “how many did you take?”

“A few...” Your speech is slurred and he notices a bunch of scars on your thighs that he’s never seen before. But rather than focusing on those, he decides to address a more pressing issue.

“Why did you do that? Those drugs are addictive, you know better than to get back on them. Especially without telling me-” He stops talking when you sit up and stare blankly at yourself, you look dazed but at the same type laser-focused.

“But I’m in pain, my insides hurt, everything hurts.” You blink slowly. “The pills...they help, a lot...”

“You’re not supposed to use drugs like that.”

“But you’re not feeling the pain I’m feeling...” You frown.

“I know but you can’t just take anything, it can really hurt you.” He comes to sit beside you and he rubs your back soothingly.

“Look...” You muttered, pointing to your thighs. You were healing considerably, the scars you’re pointing to are really not that bad anymore but you thought otherwise.

“Look at me, look at this.” Your tone was getting progressively more tense, angry almost—you poked at the skin with a look of disgust on your face, making him increasingly more worried. “It’s gross,”

“Stop,” He grabbed your wrist to stop you from jabbing at yourself, “don’t do that.”

You stare at him, blankly, just before grinning. “Why?...”

“Just don’t.”  

“But I want to...” You begin to trace the scars with your index finger, looking at him at the same time and this time he grabbed your hand, but he didn’t let you go.

“Stop.”

All of a sudden, your stomach begins to turn and twist painfully and you hunch over with a hand clamped to your mouth. “I think- I-”

You yank away and run to the bathroom as quickly as your feet can take you to and Jimin immediately runs after you. You’re sitting hunched over the toilet, expelling your insides. He sits on his knees to rub your back as you have painfully, body forcing you to throw up all you had eaten in the last few hours. He can’t say he’s surprised, that’s what happens when you just swallow random pills, of course, your stomach isn’t pleased with intense drugs on an empty stomach.

“Baby...” He tentatively grips your hair and holds it up in a makeshift ponytail. “Why did you do this?”

You cough, head hung low and legs folding under you painfully. You flush the toilet after you realize your stomach had stopped attempting to murder you. Empty—your mind is empty, your stomach is empty, and Jimin is just looking at you. Embarrassment sinks in, your cheeks begin to burn red, and your head feels unbearably heavy.

“I’m sorry,” You unsteadily stand to your feet, holding on to the counter for leverage. Jimin watches you from the doorway as you turn the sink on to brush your teeth. When you finish, you lean against the counter, too ashamed to look at him, let alone the mirror.

“I’m sorry, you probably think I’m crazy, I didn’t mean to-...” You pause when he walks toward you. He effortlessly lifted you into his arms and walked you out of the bathroom, despite your protests.

“Jimin, p- put me down...” He doesn’t give in to your low request, instead, he holds you tighter and continues to walk you to your bed.

Jimin will always take care of you, always. It doesn’t matter what you look like, what you do, he grabs and puts you right back in bed. The plush mattress welcomes you as he eases you down to the corner near the nightstand. He pulls the blanket over you, and you can tell that he’s really worried because he doesn’t have that slight smile he normally has. You just saw Jungkook, you got to see the man you’ve been longing for, he wasn’t expecting a relapse like this. You’re blinking slowly and staring at nothing in particular. He was about to walk away but you grabbed his wrist to keep him from leaving your side

“I left him...He was crying, he didn’t want me to go, I didn’t want to go...” You push the covers off of you and curl up, pressing your knees to your chest. “I shouldn’t have gone...”

“I thought you wanted to see him? I wanted you to be happy and it seemed like you were but now...” He sits on the edge of the bed, looking down at you pouty lips and watery eyes. “Now you’re-”

“Now I’m alone.” You pipe up, tears tumbling down your cheeks. “And I just want him more...and it hurts even more.”

Jimin is no stranger to the feeling of loneliness.

That’s why he understands your pain better than anyone.

“You’re not alone,” he said, trapping you with an arm on each side of you. “I’m right here.”

“I know but...” You reach a hand up to cup the side of his face and his heart began to beat faster—what is happening. “But you’re not Jungkook...”

For some reason, he doesn’t say anything but his eyes look heavy, and you can practically see the gears turning in his head. He dips his head down and kisses the corner of your lips lightly, so lightly that you barely registered that he did it. He leans down again to press his forehead against yours, letting his eyes fall shut.

Your eyes widened and you freeze, not knowing what to do.  He shouldn’t have done that, this isn’t a good idea, but he takes your silence as an invitation to do what he’s wanted to do for the last few days. He kisses you again, but this time it’s a real kiss, movement and all. He melts at how your lips are really as soft as they look, how you don’t completely oppose his actions. The room is completely silent aside from small sounds and his deep inhale. 

This is the last thing you thought he’d do. He’s pressing against your lips, velvet draping touching you in a heavenly way. He tongues at your lips, making a chill run up your spine. You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to convince yourself that this is okay, that this isn’t Jimin trying to make you feel some type of way. You know he would never do anything to hurt you, he would never hurt you... It’s only after he pulls away with an audible smack, that he sees the alarm etched in your furrowed brows and your glistening lips. You’re scared.

He recoils immediately. “I'm sorry, I just-...I won’t do that again, I’m sorry.” He mutters, getting off of you. “I don’t know why I did that-”

“I- it’s okay, um,” You feign a small smile, trying to convince him that you’re not as uncomfortable as you look. “I think you should go, Jimin...”

You had never asked him to leave before.

When you turn on your side, he gets up and quickly leaves your room. Guilt settles into his stomach and his lips tingle with the regret of his sin. Did he want to do that to you? Or was it just the lust of the flesh? Because you were out of it, you were confused as to why he did it. Sure, you two have touched and stuff but he’s never kissed you, that’s one thing he told himself he wouldn’t do. Because kissing you meant something—if he kisses you it has to mean something.

On his way back to his room, he hears a creaking noise. In the darkness, his eyes dart to the window, thinking that that’s where the noise was coming from and he slowly approaches it. It’s cracked open and he lifts it to peek over the ledge.

He nearly jumps out of his skin when he sees Taehyung staring up at him.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Jimin pulls Taehyung up by the collar so that his upper body is through the window but he easily throws his legs over the windowpane so that he is standing face-to-face with Jimin.

“Not so loud,” He keeps his voice low while holding up his index finger, “I’m not trying to let the whole compound know I’m here.”

“You could get killed over here.”

“Yeah, I'll take my chances.” Taehyung walks past him and ventures to what he believes to be the kitchen. “You guys have a nice place, Yoongi hyung has good taste.” He opens up the fridge and Jimin is beyond confused.

“Why are you here Tae?” Jimin closes the refrigerator but Taehyung just swipes an apple from the dish on the counter instead.

“Where’s Jin?”

“I don’t know-” Why is Taehyung asking the questions? “Wait, you still haven’t answered my question! Why are you here?”

“I don’t think that really matters. You did your fair share of visiting us when Jungkook’s girl was around, but she’s with you all now. So, I guess there’s no reason to visit us anymore...huh?” He turns from Jimin to walk off to the staircase.

“It’s not like that.” Jimin persists. “She’s Jin’s little sister, I had to make sure she was safe, that’s it.”

Taehyung walks upstairs with urgency and into that hall that leads to what he believes is Yoongi’s office, and he’s right. Jimin doesn’t understand why Taehyung is here, and so casually at that like he’s just dropping by to say hello. Just when Tae grabs the doorknob, Jimin blocks the door with his body, keeping Taehyung from entering. They have somewhat of a stare-off.

“Leave, Tae. Yoongi’s not in there.”

“I know that. I’m not here for him.” Taehyung tries the door but Jimin grabs his wrist, painfully tight. “Relax,” He detaches Jimin’s handle on him, “I’m just looking for a document.”

“What document?”

Taehyung smiles, head tilting. “I can’t tell you that.”

“Then you can get the fuck out of here.” Jimin seethes. “Go, before I have to escort you out myself.”

“Ok, ok, I’ll go.” He holds his hands up in surrender, that same smile still present on his face. But that simper quickly turned into a devious look. “But...not before I go say hi to Y/n, I think she’s missed me.” 

With that Taehyung takes off in a sprint and Jimin is quick to bolt off after him.

Jimin catches him right before he can even touch your doorknob and Taehyung is dying of amusement, not bothering to keep his laughter at bay. He’s always gotten a crack out of fucking with Jimin.

“W- woah,” He holds Jimin’s arm that is currently wrapped around his neck in a chokehold, “w- what’s the big d- deal? Someones a little jumpy.” Tae coughs.

“Shut up and get out, before I call someone up here to beat your ass.” They both know that’s just a bluff.

“But-” He coughs for air but manages to pull away from Jimin. “But deep down inside, you think she’s yours, or you want her to be at least.”

“What’re you talking about?” Jimin turns around, pushing his hair from his forehead in frustration.

“She’s messed up,” Tae leans on the wall beside your door, eyes focused on his hyung, “don’t get attached.”

“She’s been hurt, she’s not ‘messed up’. If you were thrown into his hell you’d be the same way.” Jimin defends you.

“You overcompensate for her. Just by the way you talk about her, I can tell.” He states with not a doubt in his mind. Jimin, on the other hand, is caught off guard—he stares at Tae, not really knowing how to respond. “You feel guilty and you try to be something for her. That’s not a safe move my friend. Jungkook doesn’t like that kind of stuff, you know that.”

“So what.”

“’So what?’” He scoffs. “You really think you mean something to her...She’s a user—tell her you’ll keep her safe, and at this point, there’s not a lot she won’t do for you. But it’s not just that, she’s selfish too, and Jungkook falls for it. She wants what she wants, but she can tell him no if she doesn’t like what he wants. God forbid he tell her no, all hell will break loose...”

“It’s not that easy.” Jimin cuts him off, walking up to him to stand eye to eye with him. “That’s just your problem, you think everyone is as simple as your little mind games, but they’re not.”

“My ‘mind games’ as you like to call them, aren’t simple at all. In fact, those exact same tactics you call ‘simple’ greatly contributed to what made her what she is today.”

“And what is she?”

“She’s exactly what hyung wanted, she’s got all of the qualities that’ll drive Jungkook insane.” His casual tone is borderline unnerving. “It’s funny to watch.”

“What did you do?”

“Namjoon told me to make sure she remembered that it was her fault she ended up getting tortured, the reminders are all over her now.” Jimin thinks to what he might be referring to—your scars. The ones you always cover and the ones he saw on your thighs earlier tonight, those are Taehyung’s doing.

“That was you? You’re fucking sick...” Jimin murmurs to himself. “None of this crap is her fault, she doesn’t deserve to be caught up in this shit. Life is screwing her over and it’s not because of anything she did-”

Jimin falls silent when they hear the creaking sound of your spring mattress. The sound isn’t heard anymore after a few seconds and they deem that you had stopped stirring.

“It’s not her fault but her family’s in it,” He grins, “that means she is too, she’s in too deep.” He sighs, eyes roaming in contemplation.

“What?”

“Do you feeling something for her, Jimin? Hm? Do you kiss her?” Tae stared at him, expression unwavering from the blank one he’s had for some time now. “Like, on her lips and where ever else.” He giggles at the way he said that.

Jimin hopes the heat coming to his face is undetectable. He stammers, “W- what kind of question is that-”

“It’s a simple question.”

“No, I don't.”

“Hm.” Tae shrugs, his nonchalant air coming back. “It was just a question, I mean, you spend a lot of time with her and you have a past with women, one would only assume that something was going on between you two.”

“Just leave, Taehyung.” Jimin just stared at him, waiting for Taehyung to get off the wall and go on his way, “seriously.” Taehyung walks back to the window of which he came, and without a word, he slipped out and Jimin promptly closed it behind him

He stands in front of the window, chewing on his bottom lip until he hears a door creak and his head snaps back.

“Jimin, who was that?... I heard someone outside the door...” You stand there, looking slightly spooked and all he wanted to do was crawl into the center of the earth and burn because his feet began to bring him toward you.

“It’s okay, everything's okay, just- Just go back to bed...” He looks stressed and you pick up on it instantly. He ruffles his hair, and he won’t look at you directly, you frown. Slowly, you walk towards him to dimish space between you two and he still won’t look at you.

“Jimin,” You’re all in his personal space, just staring up at him, “what’s wrong? You can tell me...” You grab on to his arm lightly and he pulls away.

“Nothing, go back to bed.” He sighed, irritation gradually building up in his tone of voice.

You frown even deeper because his tone wasn’t as sweet as it often is. You reach for his hand. “B- but-”

“I said go! Just go back to sleep, will you?” He snapped all of a sudden and that was enough to scare you off. When you scurry off into your bedroom and shut the door, he instantly regrets snapping at you like that. But just when he tries to walk into the room, he realizes that you locked the door.

He gave up on asking you to let him in and opted to go to his own room, 

where he should have been this whole time.

-Flashback-

“He was loved by so many. He was a friend, a brother, a husband...A father. And- And he will be missed dearly.”

It was raining, not a hard rain, just misty—it felt that even the weather prepared for the funeral. His daughter seemed unusually detached like she had cried all she could and now she’s run out of tears.

The preacher of the funeral told her that she was strong and then looked at me. People were saying kind comforting things to me, but mainly her. The guests were leaving and I had somewhere to be so I was about to leave to but I stopped. She stood in front of the coffin that had already been lowered. I walked up to her, a white rose in my hand as well as her.

“He didn’t deserve this...” You uttered lowly. “This never should have happened...”

I glance at her, then back to the silver coffin. “Yeah...But we all have to go some time, unfortunately.”

“Dad, right before they pulled me away from him, he told me to tell you that he was sorry.” She turned to me, eyes looking sad but somewhat content. “And that he loves us...” I was prepared to hear something like that and it actually comforted me. I love my father, there’s no denying that, but every father and son have their quarrels.

“At least we can say goodbye to him together, I know he’s happy about that...”

She extends her hand and for a moment she just waits. I get the cue to give her my hand and this is the first time we’ve ever held hands. And in that very moment, something deep down inside of me came to the realization that I had a sister.

We say goodbye and drop the flowers together.

That was the last time we saw each other before that one dreaded night.

*

*

“Jin?…is that really you?”

She looked at me, her eyes so innocent, uncorrupted by the life I live.

“I’m sorry Y/N…I’m so sorry.”

‘Well, we’ll leave you guys to talk. See you later, baby.’ Jimin and Hoseok left the room.

“He was right…you are pretty.” I broke the silence and looked at her with a weak smile. “He wanted me to come and see you but I’d always say no…”

*

*

Jin shakes his head, settling to push those thoughts aside as he straightens his hair in the mirror, preparing to face the day looking his very best. The stunt he and Wei pulled went perfectly. Now everyone knows who killed Hakyeon and the fire isn’t under him anymore, but his guard is still very much up.

But there’s a lot of good in all of this. Jaebum has become an ally, quite an essential one at that. His enemies are closer then they’ve ever been and it’s just a matter of time before his plan becomes reality. He’s staying the night at one of his personal condos for reasons that are quite obvious, Wei needed a place where he and Jin could work closely with the details of the end goal. After the stunt they pulled, Wei won’t be able to show his face around there. But that’s a small price to pay to keep Jin’s name in the clear, just a little longer.

He tilts his head in thought, he needed to talk to you and tell you that you're coming with him when this is all done. But more importantly, he needs Jimin to fill him in. He’s Jin's eyes and ears right now, if he needs to know something about Hoseok, Yoongi, or even you, Jimin will know something. But oddly enough, Jimin hasn’t been answering his calls, his messages, nothing. He can’t imagine what that’s about, but he’ll have to worry about it later.

“Ready? Jin?” Wei knocked on the door.

“Yeah,” He opened the door, “let’s go.”

Wei nodded as Jin walked past him and down the small flight of stairs, off to one of the cars in the garage. Soon they were in their respective cars and on the road. After about fifteen minutes, Jin started to read through the messages about the plan on his phone and that’s when he decided he should call Wei.

Wei picks up.

“Hello?”

“Hey, make sure you talk to the rest of the guys and I’ll contact you throughout the day to update you. I’m going to meet with Jaebum for a little while to go over what we’re about to do.”

“Jin, what about the FBI situation? It’s been all over the news that they’re getting involved, do you think they suspect us?”

Jin sighs. “It’s not likely. They know we have something to do with it but they’ll never pinpoint it to me. When I sent Jimin off with a team to get Jungkook and my sister, they planted bombs there too and the building went up in flames. Two explosions, two gangs, they’re catching onto what’s happening. It’s only a matter of time before it all boils over and we’ll be at the forefront of it all.”

“I hope so, I’ll talk to you later.”

Jin makes a sound of agreement and hangs up.

After some time, he arrives at the lounge, gets out of the car, and makes his way inside. He’s not surprised to see that Jaebum is already here, anxiously waiting. His eyes drift over to Jin who steadily approaches him, confidence in every step he makes.

“Jin.” 

Jaebum addresses him first, giving him a small bow.

“How was your drive down here? I know it’s a ways from your base.” Jin ushers a waitress over to get him something to drink.

“It was fine.” He lifts his glass, taking a much-needed sip before looking up at his senior.

“Good. Well, let’s get right into it, shall we?” Jin pulls a sheet of paper out of his blazer and places it flat on the table. “Yoongi and I haven’t been on the same page these days. I’ve made some decisions and choices for the greater good, but he doesn’t see it yet, he might not ever.”

“So, this is all you? Min doesn’t know anything about this?”

Jin shakes his head. “Oh God no, Yoongi and I aren’t on the same page right now. Anyways, did you send the last shipment?”

“Yes, I sent it last night, should arrive sometime today.”

Jin beams. “Perfect.”

“Can I ask, why do you need more? I mean, I thought you had access to sellers from all over.”

“Those purchases are tracked. If I buy from the black market, who knows what they’ll do with my receipts. Now getting supplies from you is untraceable, I have to be smart about this.”

“So, in your message, you said you want the shipment delivered by a third party, none of my men?”

“Exactly.”

Jaebum had wondered why Jin wanted him to be so hands-off about getting this stuff to him. Of course, he understands the need to stay off the grid. But he can’t help but wonder, why does Jin seem more interested in what he has—rather than Jaebum as an ally. But the thought crosses his mind as Jin explains more of the plan in the background of his internal monologue, I’m I being used?

“Wait, wait, why? Jin, it sounds like you want my material but not the help of my organization as a whole. My men, they’re smart, they know what it takes to get jobs done and it just seems like you’re overlooking that. What are you planning to do with the shipments?”

The air shifts.

Jaebum can tell by the way Jin rolls his shoulders and eyes darken.

“Does it matter?”

“Hell yeah, it matters. It’s my money, my resources, I should know what it’s being used for, shouldn’t I? I deserve to be front in center with this.”

Deserve?

“I hate to have to break this to you so soon, I thought we’d be able to keep up this little relationship for a little while longer but you’ve already made your opinions and what you believe you’re entitled to pretty clear...” He sighs, rubbing his chin in thought. “Jaebum, do you know who you are?”

“Of course I know who I am, what does that have to do with anything?”

“I don’t think you really know who you are. Im Jaebum, son of one of the richest men in the city. You were born with a silver spoon up your ass and this life was handed to you, so don’t ever think that you did anything to get where you are. All the power you have, you did nothing to deserve it. The rest of us busted our asses trying to make it by, but you? You didn’t have to do shit. Yet, you bitch more than the whole mafia combined about shit that you don’t even really understand, and never will.” He scoffs, tone already past condescending. “And you blame me because my father had something to do with your father's death, do you know how pathetic that is?” 

Jaebum stares at him completely caught off guard and quite frankly about to lose his cool. Did Jin really just pull a 180 and flip on him? He’s one of the many victims to fall prey to Jin’s betrayals.

“Oh yeah, and don’t think I forgot about you kidnapping my sister and torturing her aunt all just to get to me.” Jin seethes. “Do you know how fucking difficult it is to pretend to not care that you are the bastard who dragged her into this? You are the reason Yoongi traded her off to Namjoon and now she’s screwed for life. And even after you managed to send your people out to get her back, you still didn’t realize you had lost. You’re not essential to anyone Jaebum, especially not me. I just happened to need you for one reason, and now that I have what I need, I don’t really care what happens to you.” Jin stands to his feet.

Jaebum doesn’t even know how to respond, he looked like all the blood had left his face. He stands as well. “H- How dare you...How dare you speak to me like this! You come to ask for my resources and then disrespect me like- like-”

Jin cuts him off by pulling him forward by the upper arm. “You think you’re so deserving, it’s sickening...And that’s why nobody in this damn country will ever give you the respect you want.”

The only thing Im Jaebum has ever deserved is an ass whooping. He is one of the most well-off gang leaders in this city and it’s all inherited. Jin may have worked and learned from his father, but everything he has? He went out and got it himself, so did a majority of the other gangs in the country. Nobody deserved power less than Im Jaebum, that was a well-known fact. 

By stating that he was entitled to anything Jin has worked for—it rubbed him the wrong way.  

This mission has lasted a total of two years. 

Two years of forming relationships, compiling information and evidence in the mafia world. He’s been the middle man between Min Yoongi and Kenneth Yu for years now and he’s received unprecedented amounts of money to do favors for both of them. And he’s done it. He’s kept bad people out of jail, he’s given Yoongi top secret files, there's so much that he’s done that could compromise his integrity. Junghyun is also a big part of this but Seo doesn’t have anything on him. He does have people giving him information but he can’t figure out who those people are. Junghyun is preparing to campaign for Kenneth's position as director of health and welfare. He wants him to find Jungkook, Seo has a good idea as to why.

“Okay...” He sighs, sipping his coffee in order to stay alert on this busy morning.

Seo walks out of his office and the police department cubicles are all filled with workers and cops are coming in and out. 

“Officer Kim Suho, and officer Lee Donghae. Can you two come to my office please?” Seo caught the eye of both of them and they quickly dropped what they were doing to see what their chief needed.

“Yes, Chief?” Lee comes in first and Kim follows right behind.

“Close the door please.” Suho gives him an odd look but does it anyway. They both watch as Seo closes the blinds, that means whatever he’s about to tell them is important.

“What’s going on, Chief?”

“Listen, I’m telling you both this because I trust you two, you should know about this first,” Choi walks behind his desk and to his board, “before I let the whole Department know.”

Seo flips the board around and the two officers slowly approach it.

“Wh-” Lee furrows his brows, “What is this Chief?” He inspected all the papers and little bags pinned to the board. There are papers and Min Yoongi’s name is all over it, along with Kim Namjoon, Jeon Jungkook, Jeon Junghyun, Kenneth Yu—most of these names are familiar to him.

“The department is buzzing about the explosions in those gang territories, the FBI is now involved, and the mafia activity has been more rampant than ever.”

Officer Kim Suho reads over the first news article he sees, ‘Suspected Terrorist Attack?’ Then another, ‘Who Are The Masterminds Behind Attacks, Why Are They Still Slipping Through KPD’s Fingers?’ Then another, ‘Alleged Mafia Member on the Run From Seoul General Hospital.’ The articles go on and he diverts his gaze to Seo. ‘Cha Hakyeon, Drug Dealer, Found Fead in Apartment.’

“I know it’s said that we don’t have exact names, but I do. Min Yoongi, he’s the big baller. He’s been able to stay under the radar for the longest but I know him. For years now, I’ve been the middle man between him and the law. Min has money all throughout the system, there are people in high places that know him and fear the damage he could do if any of them were to test his hand. He’s a drug lord, yes, but he’s got his hands in a lot of places.”

“Chief, how does he trust you? You’re a cop.”

“I’ve proven myself. I’ve been able to get several of his men out of jail, keep him informed of the political activity that might affect him, and keep his name out of the media. I’ve done some risky things just to maintain that relationship...But it’s all worth it. Nobody knows this but me, but Kenneth Yu, director of Health & Welfare, is married to Yoongi’s mother. In order to keep her safe, Yoongi doesn’t interact with her or associate himself with her.”

The officers look askance.

“What?... Kenneth Yu is involved in this?”

“Min uses her as a threat to keep Yu from exposing him. And to keep Yu quiet, he’s been sending him money...Me as well. And I’m talking tens of thousands of dollars at a time, and I’ve kept every penny as evidence of bribery.”

Seo points to a picture on the board.

“Kim Namjoon, the arms dealer. He also dabbles in trafficking, larceny, extortion. The two of them used to be one group, they’re feuding right now and it’s getting worse. I can put a stop to it now. I’ve already filled in the FBI and they’re preparing for a STING operation. The debriefing for that is in a few minutes.”

The two officers are at a loss for words. The mafia has always made it difficult for the law to keep things in order. The gang's activity, the amount of contacts and inside people involved makes it almost overwhelming to deal with. After asking their fair share of questions before the officers are dismissed to resume their activities until the debriefing.

After a few minutes of getting his thought together, he takes a deep breath and walks out of his office.

Agents Song Mingi and Lisa Ban.

They’ve already called the men and women, both officers and agents, to the common meeting room and they’re caught up in a conversation with the other agents until they see Seo.

‘Chief, come on over!’ They wave him over, unintentionally bringing attention to the well-respected man's presence. As he walks up to the front, officers are bowing and greeting him as they always do.

“You’re right on time.” Seo shakes both of their hands. “Thank you both for coming, I really appreciate it. It’s not often that we have to arrange STING operations with you all for cases this big.”

“Absolutely, what we’re about to do will change the city and it’s all made possible by you, sir.” Agent Song states. 

“Thank you, chief, for sacrificing your integrity for all these years for the sake of the people. You’re the reason we’ve been able to see what these guys are doing and continue to find ways to put a stop to it.” Lisa adds to the praise. 

“Chief,” Agent Song reaches for the stack of files they brought in and handed it to Seo. “With what you’ve given us over the past few months, we’ve been able to develop profiles on some of these guys and we prepared files for all of them. You probably already know most of this stuff but having it on paper sometimes makes it easier.” 

Seo sorts through them as the agents get everyone's attention. There are files for Kim Namjoon, Min Yoongi, Park Jimin, Cha Hakyeon, Jeon Jungkook, Jung Hoseok, Kim Taehyung, and Kim Seokjin.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to Chief Seo, he's going to be running point on this operation. We owe Chief a great deal of appreciation for being able to infiltrate one of the most dangerous gangs in the city. The Chief will debrief you all.” Lisa gives Seo the floor. “Sir?”

“Thank you agent Ban.” He steps to the front and looks out at the crowd. 

“Well, first I’d like to say that this has been a long process of forming relationships, bending rules, and compromising my position all for the sake of weeding out corruption for once and for all. Our plan is to take down gang leaders,” He takes out mugshot-like photos of the leaders and pins them to the board. 

“Kim Namjoon and Min Yoongi. Their groups have been feuding for months, that explains those two explosions. The first was orchestrated by Kim on an abandoned compound but the second was an attack from Min’s side, I believe out of retaliation. Kim’s men are on the run but Min is still in the city, we need to bring him in first. Many of you may know Kenneth Yu, Director of Health & Welfare. I have been the middle man between him and Min, his stepson.”

The room is filled with shocked faces and low murmurs of disbelief.

“I’ve accepted large sums of money as bribery to stay quiet, so has Kenneth Yu. In fact, he’s been sending portions of rally funds, charity events, and government events to Min for years now. He uses their relationship to threaten him more than anything. If it got out that his stepson is a mafia boss who he’s done favors for and accepted money from he’d lose his position in minutes. Before we go after Min, we’ll go after him first. We need to get into his office and see what he has.” Seo pauses, deciding to add all of the photos to the board. “As for Kim Namjoon, most of his men have fled the city but I have a feeling they’ll be back. Are there any questions?”

Multiple people raise their hands and ask questions about the relationship with Min Yoongi, Kenneth Yu, how the feuding started with Kim Namjoon. Seo answers as he sorts through the last few files and stumbles upon a blank one. He continues to talk, but he opens the file and it’s a photo of a question mark. Unnamed female, early twenties, hospitalized after a car accident with Jeon Jungkook but vanished shortly after. 

One of the agents taking notes in the back pipes up. “What about Jeon Jungkook, sir? Since he broke out of the hospital, nobody has been able to get a hold of him. It’s all over the media that he escaped, where is he now?”

“We’re not quite sure yet, but most probably where ever Kim Namjoon is located.” Seo puts the anonymous female on the board and immediately agent Song raises a question.

“Chief, do we have any idea who that might be? We tried everything to find out who she is but we only got little things, it’s like she’s been wiped off the grid.”

“That woman...” He sighs. “I don’t know if she’s the same one, but I believe I’ve seen her with Min Yoongi.”

“Do you think she’s a threat?”

“No, but we’ll look into it, just to make sure.”

Agent Ban comes over with a few agents and officer. “Chief, this is the group that’ll take care of Yu. I’ll leave the organizing of the operation to you.”

“Alright, when do you plan on going in?”

“Within the hour.”

That’s faster than he thought.

“Okay, report to me when the job is done.” Seo dismisses her and she’s off with her team.

“Chief,” Officer Lee calls for him, hand over the bottom of the phone that’s to his ear, “we just got an anonymous tip.”

“About?”

“It’s about Kim Seokjin, he’s supposedly planning a rendezvous at Min’s compound tonight. I thought they were on the same team, should we trust this?”

“Did you track the number?”

“Yeah, nothing. But the guy said he just wanted to make things right, he went on about getting rid of those who shouldn’t be in this city...”

“It’s worth a shot, we’ll get to them either way.” Seo makes his way to one of the head officers. “Gather unit 2 and 7, we’ll head to the compound at 9 tonight.”

Namjoon swats at the back of Taehyungs head. 

“You had one job, one job Tae.”

The papers Namjoons is referring to are the papers Yoongi gets from the court hearings, political meetings, and basically any of the details of his governmental relationships. Yoongi keeps them hidden somewhere and he thought, of all people, Taehyung could find them. But that was a month ago and at this rate, they’ll never get it.

“How many times do I have to say sorry, hyung? I’m sorry, I told you something came up,” Taehyung soothes the back of his head with a gentle ruffle of his hair. “Park Jimin that is. He saw me come through the window and he was fussing about getting me out of there, what was I supposed to do?”

“I get that, but still. Yoongi’s got a ton of inside contracts with those guys and if we’re gonna do this right, it would be nice to have that type of info on him.” Namjoon stands at the table in the basement where he was steadily taking account of the remaining firearms, salvaged from his beloved base that was burnt to ash.

“Jungkook should’ve gone with me, probably would’ve taken care of the Jimin-problem.” he pouts, but they all know that if Jungkook went, and saw you, he’d try to bring you back. And that would only fuel that psychopaths desire to demolish Jungkook for loving you. Namjoon mentally recalls the distress Jungkook experienced once you two were separated, he hadn’t seen him that sad since his mother left him. Jungkook isn’t mentally ready to be in the same vicinity as Yoongi, Jin, and you—that would be a deadly combination.

“He can’t be over there, it’s way too risky. If he decides he wants to take her from their base, that’ll make him an even bigger target then he already is. He’s wanted and Jin, quite frankly, wants to kill him.”

“We will need her back soon though, she’s become essential to Jungkook’s wellbeing and Jin’s insanity.” Namjoon doesn’t further explain his views but Taehyung gets the gist of it. You are the main element of the great divide. Without you, Jin would be way less high-strung, he wouldn’t be so revenge-hungry, but adding you to the mix ignited a flame in Jin. And that tickled Namjoon pink.

Jungkook enters the basement suddenly, all suited up and ready for the day. He’s dressed in a black tee-shirt, charcoal-colored bomber jacket, and heavy boots.

‘Speak of the devil.’ Namjoon simpers but Jungkook either doesn’t hear the comment or simply ignores it.

“Hyung, what’s on my agenda today?” Jungkook’s eyes are focused, but he seems somewhat relaxed. “I thought you would’ve given me my assignment last night.”

“I don’t have anything for you, the best for you to do right now is to stay hidden, we can’t risk exposing you.” Namjoon pats Jungkook shoulder.

“What? You just want me to sit around and do nothing?” He grimaces, getting close to Namjoon’s personal space. “Fuck no, I need to do something, I can’t just sit here.”

“Well,” Namjoon turns to him, unphased by the brittle tone in his voice. “I’m sorry, but you need to lay low for a little while.” Namjoon takes a bit of a firmer tone, and they stare at each other for a few seconds. Jungkook is the first to break it off.

“Fine.”

Namjoon turns to continue his conversation with Taehyung and Jungkook turns a deaf ear to it. He walks over to a corner and slouches in a seat, arms crossed and expression agitated.

“Let’s just scratch that old idea, he probably doesn’t have them anyway.” Namjoon sighs. “Jimin’s probably already told Yoongi so the papers are either under lock & key or he got rid of them, like last time.” He tilts his head in thought.

“Boys,” Namjoon looks back at Jungkook and then looks at Taehyung with a bright smile, “we’re going back to the basics, a classic raid seems to be the answer here.” They haven’t done one of those in a while, it’d be nice to do it like they did back in the day. “We’ll prepare our people, pick a time and go in tonight. If I don’t get to have a base, neither does he.”

“So soon?” Tae interjects.

“Yeah, why not? We don’t have much to lose at this point.” 

Jungkook brows creased as if he weren’t fond of the idea and of course Namjoon knows immediately what that face means. “A raid? But-”

“Jungkook, Jin has Y/n under high security right now, I’m sure she won’t be in the crossfire.”

“Um,�� Taehyung interjects, knowing what he’s about to say will surely make Jungkook upset, he giggles, “I wouldn’t call Jimin, ‘high security.’“

Namjoon can’t help but laugh. “What?”

“Yeah, I snuck in on the living quarter's and there he was. Jin can’t be that concerned about her safety, not if Jimin is always with her.” Taehyung pouts, perplexed to see that Jungkook didn’t even bat an eyelash at his statement.

“My suspicions were correct then.” Namjoon shifts to the other side of the table to tally up the last few sets of revolvers.

“Jin’s been off doing his own thing for a while now. But you’d think he’d have his little sister at least in the vicinity with him, right? Especially after going through all of that just to get her back...” He takes the completed register and tucks it in the beige folder. “I’m confused-”

“He doesn’t fucking care about her.” Jungkook pensively got up to approach the two. “This whole, ‘your big brother is here to save you,’ thing is an act. He doesn’t want her to be with me, that’s why he took her, not because of brotherly love. He doesn’t give a fuck about her, he just wants to look like he’s capable.” Jungkook prods at his cheek in annoyance.

“And you know that, how? Jungkook, you didn’t know even know there were brother and sister until just recently—how could you know if he cared about her? You don’t know that-”

“Yes, I do!” Jungkook slams a fist on the table but they're unstartled by the little outburst.

“Fuck! How do you not see it?! He doesn’t want her to be with me, that’s his fucking deal. He wouldn’t give her the time of day until he realized who she was with.” He gets closer to Namjoon, eyes beady, vicious and unsettling. Oddly, Namjoon looks at him as if this type of behavior is a part of their normal everyday conversations.

”He knows I love her, and he hates me for it. He parades around like she means so much to him, she means more to me than she ever will to him. I’m sick of sitting here and pretending like just because she’s with him, she’s safe, that’s not the case. I can’t fucking take it, if I have to go one more week without her I think I’m gonna fucking lose my mind.” Jungkook rambles on, pacing and spouting whatever thoughts come to his mind so Namjoon figured now would be a good time to cut this off. 

Jungkook grits his teeth. “And if it wasn’t for fucking Min Yoongi-”

“Stop. You need to take it down a notch.” Namjoon’s voice is low but demanding of submission, of which Jungkook gives in a mere few seconds.

“You don’t know everything so stop fabricating these scenarios in your head. Use your head and think about this, why do you think I fucking took her in the first place, Jungkook? To piss him off. They may not be close, but she’s his only known his flesh and blood right now, he does care, even if it’s only for her life, that’s enough to use against him.” Jungkook backs down from his aggressive stance, diverts his gaze reluctantly. Namjoon would have a sensible explanation for this, wouldn’t he? Jungkook got so caught up in the idea that this is all a tactic to hurt him that he forgot that this is a lot bigger than his relationship.

“Don’t misunderstand, I do need her back with us. She’s what I use to hurt him, at least I thought that up until now. Either way, Jin knows what he did fucked us all over and Yoongi doesn’t seem to be taking any disciplinary action.” He walks up to the stairs and the two follow closely behind him. “So now it’s time for us to take action.”

Jungkook leaves the two of them without a word, most probably to sharpen some knives in the room or work out, something to take his mind off of things.

“Tae, you know what you need to do, just report back to me as soon as possible. As for Jungkook,” Namjoon sighs, “tell him not to leave the premises, and that if I hear he tries to go out, he can forget about being apart of the raid.” Namjoon heads off to do his own thing and Tae trails off to Jungkook’s bedroom. Taehyung entered the bedroom and Jungkook was sitting on the floor, a dozen daggers on the floor in front of him as he takes out the tools to sharpen and clean them.

“Jungkook,” Jungkook shoots him an uninterested glance. “how do you know that Jin and his sister are fighting?”

“What?”

“You said they were fighting. You haven’t seen her for weeks now, how could you know if they were fighting or not?”

He swallows, avoiding eye-contact. “I just know.”

“But you’ve never even seen them interact, you don’t know the temperament of their relationship.” The more Taehyung pries, the more Jungkook’s face twists in irritation. “You went to see her...Didn’t you?”

It’s obvious in his eyes, no sense in hiding it.

“Yeah, I did...”

“How did that go?”

“She doesn’t want to be there. You should see her, she’s not as healthy as she was, it’s obvious that she’s not eating...I don’t know where her head is, it’s like she’s there but she’s missing something...God, I want her back so bad. I can tell Jimin is getting in her head too, she was going on about how he helps her in difficult times and all that, it makes me crazy to think that she’s always alone with him...I didn’t want to upset her because she’s been through a lot but I asked her if anyone touched her, she didn’t really answer...” Jungkook’s tone was heavy with concern.

“Jungkook, I wasn’t going to say anything but-...Well,” Taehyung bites his tongue. “when I got there, Jimin was leaving her room. Out of curiosity, I asked him if he feels something for her, he said no but-...I don’t know, Jimin falls back into those pathological liar tendencies every now and then. And he savors intimacy, with most women...”

Jungkook’s stomach twisted.

“He fucking wouldn’t. Not unless he wants me to kill him, he wouldn’t touch her.”

“How can you be so sure?” Tae pries.

Jungkook snaps. “He’s the one who brought her to me.”

Early this morning, Junghyun bid his wife farewell, pulled out of the driveway of his beautiful home, and went on his way to work. If you look at Junghyun’s life compared to his little brother, he lives quite a wholesome lifestyle. He has a beautiful wife, an adorable set of 6-year-old twins, a great job, and a nice home—what more could he want? You’d be surprised.

It’s around lunch time and he’s going to meet with a special person. He pulled out his reserved parking spot in the hospitals private parking garage. It’s been a while since he’s heard from Seo about Jungkook but he knows he’s still wanted. It was odd though. He personally asked Seo to find Jungkook for him but he’s suspected that his request wasn’t a priority right now.

As soon as he stopped at a red light, he sat down and made a phone call. It rang for a few seconds before he finally picked it up.

“Dr. Jeon, good morning.”

“Good morning Donghae, any updates?”

“Chief Seo gathered us all for a debriefing this morning, he said Jungkook is most probably with Kim Namjoon.”

“Damn, I guess I can forget about getting him back. He sees that man as more of an older brother than me...It’s fine, I’ll try to contact him eventually. I heard from a reliable source that something bad is about to happen, he’s probably involved in it.”

“Yeah, I’m actually apart of the STING operation of his rival gangs compound, he might be there.”

“Oh really?” Junghyun grins, turning his wheel into the restaurant parking lot. “Perfect, let me know everything after it happens.”

“Will do, I’ll talk to you tonight.”

He hangs up just in time for Junghyun to head inside of one of his favorite lunch places. When he walks inside, he immediately sees her sitting at a table near the window and smiles. She grew out her hair he noticed, she looked beautiful, healthy, and her overall aura was glowy.

When she looks up and sees him, she smiles from ear-to-ear.

“Junghyun.” She stands to her feet and walks toward him. “How are you, honey?” She wraps her arms around him and he returns her adorably light embrace compared to his.

“I’m fine Eomma,” He pulls away, “you look beautiful.”

They both take a seat. “Thank you, sweetie. This is so nice, I haven’t been able to just sit and talk with you for a little while.” A waitress kindly brings them ice water and lunch menus. It doesn't take them long to choose their dishes so they order it right before the waitress leaves.  

“How are my grandbaby’s doing? Does Joy still look like me?”

“Every day, and Jungwoo? You wouldn’t believe how much he’s starting to favor Jungkook.” Junghyun sips his water, eyes skimming the wine menu. “It’s crazy

He expression saddens a bit at the mention his Jungkook, and he notices. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I-...I haven’t heard from him in a long time...I miss him.”

“I actually saw him not too long ago, he came to the hospital.”

Her eyes widen. “Really? Was he hurt?”

“He was in a car accident, with a girl.” He sighs, remembering how well that meeting went.

“A girl?” She can’t help the smile coming to her face. “Oh my goodness...He has a girlfriend?”

“He told me that he’s not telling me anything about her so I assume that she was his significant other.” He scoffs.

“Aw, that’s sweet...” She lowers her head, mind wandering off into dreamland as she wonders who fell in love with her son. She sighs. “So, um, hows your campaign going?”

“It’s great, I really think I have a shot at the position. I have a feeling that-...” He takes a bite of food, eyes finding the news channel on the TV in the background. His mother looks back too upon his sudden silence. 

‘Early this morning, adored political figure and Director of Health & Welfare Kenneth Yu, has been theorized to be in cohorts with leaders from the mafia world. It’s not yet been confirmed, but It’s speculated that he has been receiving and sending money from these groups. We will be updating this story every hour so stay tuned.’

One down. 

To be continued...