#someone commented 'what is this post about' and op replied it was like. a sign they saw irl that they ruminated on for too long

[elftwink]

one thing i try to remind myself about this place when im getting annoyed at the dash is that MOST posts that go viral are written for a much smaller audience than they got, and are very often written in anger or upset. frequently i see posts that i think are overly aggressive and confrontational, have no chance of actually changing anyone's mind (and sometimes directly insult the reader by calling them stupid/lazy/immoral), lack contextualizing information, and/or catastrophize about the issue. i get irritated about these because my first thought is "why the fuck would you even post this when all it does is make you look bad and your position look unappealing" but like, most people are not posting in order to debate or justify their position. they're just venting, often assuming the people reading it will agree and validate their anger or upsetness— which is often why these posts get traction in the first place, since they also tend to be about topics you would rightfully get upset about.

relatedly, i (and maybe you too) have a tendency to assume that every post on tumblr that seems like the second half of a debate is a response to a different post on tumblr (the 'who is even saying that' response), but this is kind of unfair to the op since they could be responding to any number of things in their personal or professional lives, and are going to tumblr because it is a place where you can post whatever you think and be mostly assured nobody you know will see it. countless of my own posts are prompted by something irl but look to readers like just another tumblr discourse post. i think it's important that when you think 'who is even saying that' about a post to consider that the answer might be like, "op's shitty coworker" rather than "a large and vocal subsection of tumblr i have never heard of"

[galvanizedfriend]

hii Yokan! i miss you!😭

how are you? how is work?? I hope everything is going well<3

rn there's a little Comic Con in my city, and it really did help my mood!! (even tho I throwed up 6 times and fainted during the morning of the first day due to the heat and lack of iron🥲) 2 days down, 2 more to go 🙏

ANYWAYS! I know you've been going through a writer's block lately, and I read a post that said something about asking/commenting about the fictions to help the "stucked" autor, SO!

I've been re-reading TW III (shocking, I know) and those little hints about married!kc are just 😭😭 my heart melts, really, although... I was never really sure you'd get them married, mostly due to Care's speech to Cami about how Klaus supposedly sees weddings, and because I remember you saying that you weren't planning on giving them an actual marriage, but rather the closest thing next to it. I checked to comments to see other thoughts, and I saw one of you reply saying that you were completely against married!kc at the start, but then you were slowing changing your mind about it...

so, what was it that made you say "fuck it, I'm gonna ring the bells"?? is it because many people asked you to do it, so you are throwing us a bone, or is it something else?? I'm really interest on hearing the process of your change of heart <3

have a good one, friend <3 love you xoxo

I don't know if I am eloquent enough or if my train of thought makes much sense, but I will try 😂

Also grab a chair because this will be a long one. Be careful what you ask me, I do not know how to shut the fuck up 🙃

Objectively, I still think Klaus is not the marrying kind (in canon context, at least). That man has been alive for a thousand years. He's the vampire of vampires, one who sees humans as a lower species. He's used to getting what he wants by conquering and subjugating because he can. Why would he ever submit himself to an inherently human institution that, throughout history, has served as a tool for various types of social, political and religious control? The ceremony itself doesn't mean anything to him. He probably thinks it's ridiculous and performative, not to mention extremely frail. You can just change your mind and get a divorce, or the good old spouse murder, and then what? What's even the point?

(Just to be clear: I'm not personally preaching against weddings and marriages here btw, it's just how I think Klaus might have seen it.)

If you look at it from the sentimental side, Klaus spent almost a thousand years saying that love is a sign of weakness, a character flaw. He carried his siblings, the only people he genuinely cared about, inside coffins because he didn't trust them enough not to leave him, betray him or end up captured and killed by one of his enemies. Now, why would he want to marry someone, thus exposing yet another vulnerability to be exploited?

Having said that 😂

When we first see Klaus in TVD he's trying to surround himself with a whole new OP supernatural species that will have no choice but to stand with him. They will protect him, they will go to war for him, do whatever he asks them to and they will never leave (or that's what he thought, anyway) because they don't have a choice. That is the only way Klaus knows how to trust people: by completely removing their capacity to challenge him. That's how paranoid he is.

But as the story progresses, and especially with The Wolf in particular because it takes their relationship much further than the show, Klaus realizes there is more than one way to earn people's trust. I feel like that's one of the pillars of his relationship with Caroline. He could've just compelled her (in TVD, not TW because she's a witch), but he never did because he wanted more from her than obedience. All of the things he liked about her - her personality, her honesty, her fire, her loyalty - would've been essentially erased or made meaningless if he'd compelled her. Which puts her in direct opposition to how he related to his hybrids, right? He pretends to be fine with people who have no choice but to follow him, but what he really craves is more real than that. He surrounds himself with people who will worship the ground he walks on after some forged "gratitude" for releasing them of their curse, but he is fascinated by how gutsy Caroline is to look him in the eye and tell him the things that no one else will dare to. What he really seeks but doesn't have the courage to admit is that he wants someone who will choose to be with him. And that's the difficult part, because it can't be conquered or taken, it has to be earned.

Klaus comes from a place of paranoia and extreme distrust of everything and everyone around him, especially after Mikael in New Orleans, and he feels very isolated and alone. He tells Stefan about that, right? The loneliness of immortality. When The Wolf starts, in spite of how he and Caroline were having a bit of a thing before it, he's not sure she would want to stay with him. Actually, he thinks the first chance she gets, she's gonna bail. It's why he's mad when he thinks she wants to terminate the pregnancy. It's not about the baby (it's never about the baby), he couldn't care less about the damn baby at that point, it's the fact that he thinks she's trying to get rid of him, as if that pregnancy is the one thing that is holding them together at that point and so if she's no longer pregnant, she doesn't have to be with him. What I'm very inarticulately trying to say is that his initial approach to Caroline being pregnant is the same he had with his hybrids, as if the baby is a version of a sire bond. It's crazy and dysfunctional, yes, but it's how Klaus rationalizes it, how he thinks he gets to keep people around him - either through daggering them or giving them no choice.

Slowly, Klaus internalizes the fact that Caroline is choosing him. She tells him that a few times throughout the story, and even when he's hallucinating her at the beginning of TW4, because that's something that she has said before and that has stuck with him for reason. She could've left him at any point, but she didn't because she wants to be with him. It's a choice that she has made not because he forced her to, but because she's in love with him. She protects him, she fights for him, she walks through hellfire for him because she wants to, not because she must. He has earned her trust and her love and her loyalty. And that is something that is new for Klaus in his one thousand years of life, at least at this magnitude and with this much clarity and certitude.

So I think when I started writing TW3, which was them in their domestic era, it started to feel like something Klaus might actually do. Not just because it obviously does mean something to Caroline and he would basically do anything for her (even though she never asks for it, which in itself is something, because Caroline comes from relationships that made her feel so insecure and unsafe that she would've held on to a ring like a lifeline, but with Klaus she simply does not need hard evidence to feel safe and reassured, she knows how Klaus feels about her, she's very comfortable in their relationship, she knows that what offers her means a lot more than a thousand weddings to other people ever would - even though she does still love a good wedding lol), but because it suddenly makes sense to him. Not the big party, or the tradition of it, or making it official or anything of the sort, but as a way to externalize what he feels. There is a symbolism to it that while not ideal, it might be the closest to thing to expressing just how devoted he is to her and how she is, pure and simple, eternity for him. When that comes from someone who has lived for as long he has, and who has been as cynical as he was for as long as he was, it does mean something, even if nothing else does.

There is a territorial factor to it as well, of course. 😌 He's a very possessive man and so he wants everyone to know Caroline is his, and it's why it first came to him during the thing with Jackson, but it's more than just that. If it was just about that, he wouldn't do it. He is at a point where he no longer has any doubts about how Caroline feels for him (although there will be a little something something on that front at the beginning of TW4, just because they've been apart for so long, but it will be quickly dispelled).

The most sacred thing for Klaus was the vow he took with his siblings when they fled Viking Falls. They stuck together through everything because of that. He knows the value of a vow and a promise. And he wants a version of that with Caroline. It's the first time in his life when he contemplates genuinely offering that to someone other than his family. There are a million ways he could go about it, probably, but he knows asking her to marry him is the one that will be most representative to her, because of the age where she was born and how she grew up, etc.

And so that is why I decided that Klaus was going to buy a ring even though I crossed my heart and hoped to die a million times for years when people asked me about that. 😂 I just think it's the natural course this story has taken. It's long enough that it eventually made sense to me that he might do it.

Does any of that make sense???? I don't know! I just typed my stream of thought and hoped for the best and now I'm afraid to read it again, so apologies if it's just crazy words.

Now if only I can get back to writing and actually get to that part. 🥲 Pray for me 🙏

THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK! 🙃 Here have a pretty married Klaroline gif.

[abbyshands]

Hi kit, do you know how to tell if a person sending asks saying they need donations for their family in gaza, is fake?

Cuz someone sent me an ask and I’ve reblogged it but I was going through the comments and there a several blocked and one of them says that the op is scamming people.

I know there are ppl like this that are that horrible, but I wonder if you know how tell them apart ? Or if anyone knows for that matter. Cuz I don’t want to mislead people and give them the wrong information or anything.

hi, honey! this is gonna be all over the place but. i've had this very thing happen to me before as well, maybe three or so asks just like the one you received. i did fall for the first one, but once you see them over and over again, i think it can get easier to tell when it's a scam. one thing to note is when the actual account began to post. i notice a lot of these accounts began to post in recent days or weeks. at the time that i donated to the first person who sent me an ask like this, it was february, and they began to post around mid january. the next tell is one i see a lot, where they'll reblog a bunch of things about palestine, but they will all be in a matter of hours, days, etc. usually never weeks (and also, you'll see that they randomly begin to reblog in very recent days. ex. all their reblogs are from three days ago and onward). one more thing: look at their posts (not their reblogs. their actual posts), and check if it says "some replies may have been blocked, deleted, removed, etc). absolutely, 100% not a good sign. chances are, replies are being removed by the op because they're getting called out for scamming.

the structure of the actual ask is also a dead giveaway. if it ends in "my goal is x amount of money," usually somewhere in the hundreds or thousands, not a good sign. if they are asking you to respond to their ask PRIVATELY, not a good sign. if you copy part of their ask and paste it into tumblr or do an internet search, and you see it elsewhere, not a good sign! these blogs will go around copying the same message into people's inboxes. chances are, someone else on tumblr has posted about the very person who sent you the ask, OR, you will find it somewhere else on the internet, etc a gofundme (which, by the way, is where most of these scammers obtain their story or pictures. they'll find it in gofundmes as i said, articles, etc). before you engage, copy the username of the person who sent you the ask, and paste it into the tumblr search bar. this is how i found out that the first person who sent an ask like this to me was a scammer.

this post here (which i absolutely implore you to read, as it captures what i want to say here much better than i'm doing so right now) explains why there is an abundance of people on tumblr sending asks like this in people's inboxes. for one thing, they target popular tags (ex. literally, the "palestine" or "gaza" tags, or any tag that may be trending at the time), or, they go for blogs who are consistently reblogging and/or uploading content related to the genocide. why? because they're taking advantage of the fact that you want to make a change in regards to what's going on. and if that's the case, what would stop you from donating to someone "in need," right?

if you want my honest opinion, if someone is sending you an ask about this on tumblr at all, it's likely not real. to put it into perspective: people who are really in gaza and want to escape, raise money, etc, will go to big network places such as gofundme, because there are better chances of them raising actual money in general, but in a short period of time. as opposed to asking people individually, their cause will be more widespread, and more people will see it. not only that: places like gofundme are pros at figuring out what's a scam and what's not. op in the above post noted this, and how places like gofundme will remove causes that are clearly scams. that's why scammers avoid places like this at all, and go to places like tumblr, where it isn't so easy for the actual site to remove their post. it's only when people on the app pick up on it, that scammers' facades fall. does that make sense?

i feel like this sort of jumped around, but i hope i was able to clarify what you were asking anyway. if someone feels the need to add onto this, please do, and if i need to clarify any point i made, etc, please let me know! ♡

[chaotic-neutral-knitter]

I saw this post going around and got really curious as to how OP came up with their numbers because I could not replicate them at all.

I was going to reply directly but it was getting very very long and I didn’t want to wade onto someone’s post with a bunch of my own stats bc it seemed rude, so I’m putting my response here.

I’m going to preface this by saying that I’m fully in the camp of “write because you like writing, not for an audience response” because if you don’t like the process of writing, there is no level of audience response that will make writing worth it. But. I’ve seen a lot of folks agonize over Ao3 stats and get stuck in the weeds on Ratios™. And I think there are a few really common misconceptions around what these numbers mean.

The rest of this is going to be under a readmore to spare y’all but basically it’s a breakdown of trying to calculate my own percentages like the OP in the original post and then dialing down into why hits != readers.

Here’s the stats from one of my fics as of today, May 1st 2023. I am by no means a prolific or widely known fic writer - I happen to be in a big fandom and writing for for the main pairing in that fandom.

completed multi chapter fic, rated Mature:

So this one has three chapters, 2736 hits, 436 kudos, and 146 comments. Kudos divided by hits is 16%.

“Oh no!” I might say, seeing this. “Only sixteen percent of people liked my fic enough to leave a kudos? Either my stuff is shit, or fic-readers are a bunch of lazy fucks who don’t appreciate the work I’ve put into this. Either way, I’m mad now!”

But (and I say this with a lot of love in my heart, I promise) that’s silly. Not just for the philosophical reasons of writing what makes you happy and not caring about the response. It’s silly because it’s wrong.

On a multi-chapter fic, each person who finishes it is responsible for at least 3 hits but can only leave 1 kudos. Dividing the total hits by 3 gives you 912 hits. So, once you’ve corrected for number of chapters, the percent of people who have hit kudos is 47%.

“Holy shit!” writer-me says, “I’ve published original fiction in my university newspaper, original fiction that I poured my heart and soul into btw, and if approximately half of the people who read it  sent me a little heart emoji, I would have died and gone to heaven. Fic readers are the Nicest, Most Generous, and Most Beautiful readers on the planet and I am so grateful to be in this community with them.”

But! 47% is still wrong. Here’s why.

Hits != Readers

I don’t how other people do this, but my process of reading a fic is often like this (each step is one hit):

open link from someone else's rec, try to click "mark for later"

realize I'm logged out. sign in to Ao3, go back to fic and click "mark for later"

come back to read fic, generating at least one hit per chapter

open a second tab so that I can write a comment as I go (again, generating at least one hit per chapter)

finish fic, create bookmark, and then navigate back to fic to mark it as read so it's taken off my marked for later page

if I really liked the fic, I'll end up opening it back up in a tag many times so I can rec it to people by sending them the link

if I really really liked the fic, I'll come back and read it again (this is doubly true for explicit fic, btw.)

I think I’m on the high end of generating hits, but it only takes a few of me to really dial up that hit counter. And most people are going to do one or two of these things - I’d argue that it’s pretty rare for someone to leave just one hit on a fic unless they nope out of it in the middle.

Formula for calculating number of readers from number of hits:

There isn’t one. And it would take a much better mathematician than me to make one. Because this is way more complicated than dividing by chapters. Most readers leave more than one hit - especially if they like the fic a lot. Short fics and explicit fics are more likely to be read multiple times.

“But what if I crave validation?” writer-me complains, irritated with math-me for not downloading statistics software, shoving a million Ao3 fics into it, and producing some kind of bullshit linear regression. “What if I constantly see people with higher kudos/hits ratios than me? This is all very optimistic but it really doesn’t jive with my deep seated belief that everyone secretly hates me all the time and they’re too nice to tell me about it. Do they hate me? They probably hate me, right? Tell me if you hate me.”

To which I say, listen very closely, writer-me. You can either decide that AO3 stats mean something and lose your damn mind deciphering what they mean, or you can be like that kid who got an avocado for christmas and say “it’s a avocado comment!! Thanks!! :D”

And that kid seemed pretty happy.

[meanmisscharles]

It wasn't my idea, (there's a popular post that imagines Tumblr as a shitty apartment building that we have learned to like living in) but THIS IS A CONCEPT I CAN GET BEHIND and it might help some of my newer followers who haven't been on tumblr for long.

Tumblr, IS a crummy co-op that has an open application system and there's no credit check, or deposit needed. If you want a place, just bring your shit and pick a key. Now, there are signs all around you in the lobby(your dashboard), of what floor you might feel more comfortable on.

If you think about fandoms/interests as floors, then there's a common room on each of those floors that are the tags associated for that fandom/interest. Sure, the plants are plastic, the mini-fridge smells weird and the furniture was stolen from a porn set, back in the '70s, but it's there for anybody to use. You might not like that the guy in 512 sits on the couch in assless chaps, but he can do that! You can use the microwave to cook day old fish! What I'm saying is, the tags are not owned by an individual, or group of individuals. It's communal.

Commenting in the tags on posts are like going to the rooftop terrace and hanging out. Sure, there's someone screaming and firing a gun into the air and a group of people standing around whispering and not making eye contact with anyone else, but that's what it's for. It's a place to do whatever that a person just drifting by will miss unless they go through the tags. (Remember the OP WILL see your tags, so don't be shitty in them, unless y'know, OP was shitty first. TERFS and conservatives and misogynists and racists usually are.)

Now commenting on a post - that's you walking into my place and voicing your opinions on how I live. It's also letting me know how you act and if you are the kind of person I want coming around. You might get invited to hang out, you might get thrown out on your ass. It would behoove you to read through the entirety of a post (previous comments/tags) if you aren't really familiar with the op, or the context of a conversation.

Asks are like taping a note to someone's door. Direct messages are like texting them from the laundry room. Nobody is obligated to engage with you this way and folks will let you know how they feel about it most of the time. Some people just take the note off of the door, toss it somewhere with their keys and forget about it. Don't take shit personally if your ask never gets a response/a reply to it comes much later.

Anyways, it's not that deep, people aren't that scary and if a person ain't feeding you, fucking you, or financing your bills - don't pay too much attention to what they're doing that bothers you. Blocking is free and should be used liberally.

[elismor]

As someone who started writing fic (as a whole-ass adult) in the 90s when you had to post it to e-lists, or usenet, or even your own website, I am having feelings about the feedback mechanisms of AO3. All of the above meant that you only knew if anyone interacted with your writing when they chose to leave a comment/reply on thread or send you an email about it.

There was some existential dread in that, of course. You had no way of knowing if people were reading at all unless they were inclined to reply to you. So that fic is just sort of out there in the ether and you're at home trying to live your life, but secretly wondering if anyone even bothered to click open.

On the other hand, there was also a freedom in it--because you had no idea if someone interacted with your fic unless they bothered to reply. So ignorance could also be bliss if you're inclined to just not worry about whether or not people liked it.

But AO3? Shows you hits. You KNOW how many people interacted with your fic--even if it was just to click and then nope the fuck out of there. And it's easy to look at clicks vs kudos vs comments and, oh, look, there's that existential dread again.

I'm not complaining about AO3. And I’m not really complaining about the lack of comments. I'm...musing about the change in fandom culture that seems to have happened in the years when I was away from my pen.

Somewhere recently, I saw a post go by on my dash that compared the feedback mechanisms on AO3 to a reading in a bookstore. I forget the exact details, but the OP basically said hits = people who came and sat down for a while. Kudos = those who clapped when you were done. Comments = the folks who come up and want to tell you they love your work or ask if you will sign their copy.

That works for me as an analogy, for the most part. But I still wonder about hits. At a book reading, you can scan the room and see how the people in those chairs are responding--you know if they are with you or if they just needed to cop a squat because their feet hurt and a chair appeared before them.

Then again. Do I really WANT to know if folks noped the fuck out? No, I most certainly do not.

So what am I trying to say? IDK. I guess maybe that I feel a bit like the basic tenor of fandom in terms of fic might have shifted. I feel like it used to be something you shared and now it is something that is consumed. That's a fine line to draw--because obviously you have to share in order for it to be consumed. But I feel like, in ye olden dayes of yore, the relationship was different between reader and writer, somehow.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but there was an element of conversation there that might be changed, now. Maybe this all just boils down to the fact that I am not fandom old; I am fandom decrepit, fandom elderly, fandom infirm.

Anyway. I hereby make my fellow fic writers this solemn oath: If I read your fic, I will leave a kudo--and probably a comment as well. Because that's how we rolled back when dinosaurs roamed the internet and old habits die hard.

[greengianturanus]

This is so for real tho. I am on a “what’s happening” Facebook page for my small town. And there has been a back and forth drama the last few weeks.

This woman’s dog was fatally hit on the road just outside her house. She lives on the corner of a very busy intersection (4 way stop signs, not a traffic light) where lots of people come through too quickly or don’t pay much attention.

After the loss of her pet, she put up a bright yellow little sign in her yard that says, “Slow the fuck down.”

Someone else, who didn’t even know this lady!!! Took a photo of her sign and posted it in this Facebook page, clutching their pearls and going on and on about how it was vulgar and terrible and she should take it down!

The women defended herself and her right to put it in her yard, and even said she would be talking to local officials about making the intersection safer.

A week or so later, a stray cat was hit in exactly the same spot, and people got to posting again.

The lady with the sign (and those who agreed with her) said that this was perfect evidence! People need to slow down and pay attention while driving! Especially at this intersection!

Other people said that the animals are solely the responsibility of the people who own them! If you don’t want your animals hit, keep them out of the dang road! Some people responded by saying, “You wouldn’t be putting all the blame on the pedestrians if it was (heaven forbid) a child that got hit!”

One women even claimed that the speed they are going probably didn’t matter. She’s witnessed someone actively TRYING to hit animals in the road, and it was probably on of those people!

The sign women stood her ground and said, “You know what, I’m buying extras!!! If anyone wants a sign like mine, you can get one from me!” So now there are at least 5 or 6 bright little yellow signs up and down this one fairly busy street in town. (Including the neighbor right across the road from original sign lady).

Yesterday! Original sign lady posted a ring camera video, showing how she witnessed some kids trying to steal her neighbors sign, and she made them return it. People in the comments told her she should contact the police and report the incident anyways, just so the boys know it’s documented and they won’t try it again.

Someone else in the comments said that the police should be contacted about her horrible sign!!!! Original sign lady replied, saying, “The police have been contacted about my sign, they think it’s funny 😉” lmaooo and like. Who needs world wide internet discourse when I have a full month of posts like this.

There’s soooooo much more drama that goes on in this Facebook group for a stupid town in Oklahoma. One person admitted that they regularly smoke weed, but would never feel comfortable driving while high, and they were just shocked when they see people driving around hitting their dab pens and whatnot. That’s sparked a looooot of debating in the comment section!

How high do you actually get with a dab pen vs smoking vs edible. Several pot heads who drive around high saying, “I swear I drive better when I’m high 😂” and making fun of OP. Loooots of people making jokes about the local cops taking down the names of commenters who sound like they smoke weed.

EVERYONE in town constantly complains about a busy road that was supposed to be repaired months ago but STILL hasn’t.

I promise, you don’t have to go far to find wackos who are so dramatic and crazy and full of shitty takes. It’s right outside your doorstep, and it’s very entertaining.

More people should abandon Internet discourse and get into observing/engaging with local politics. I say this not because local politics often offers more meaningful opportunities for effective praxis (although it does), but because local politics often offers just as much highly toxic and entertaining petty drama.

I highly recommend city council meetings. You might make yourself an informed voter and active community member or something. You also might get to watch an ongoing soap opera of old men ready to murder one another over trash collection ordinances, and unlike the Internet, none of them can effectually tell one another to kill themselves no matter how hard and how clearly they are thinking it.

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Love and Medicine ~ 14

MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 5,000ish

Summary: Just another day at the medical center, right? (Based off Grey’s Anatomy)

Heading back into the hospital, you went straight for Natasha’s room. The other interns were already in there, surrounding her bed.

“Hey,” you smiled, walking over to her. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay,” she responded. “I’m okay.”

You grabbed her hand and gave it a slight squeeze. She needed to know that you were there for her, but you weren’t going to push her into talking about something she wasn’t ready to talk about.

~~~

You slammed down a shot, needing to feel the alcohol rush down your throat. 

“How was Nat when you left, Scott?” Val asked, bringing more drinks over.

“She said she was okay, again,” he responded with a slight shrug.

“Nobody goes what she went through and is totally over it by now.”

“Natasha can.”

“She’s fine,” you added, taking another shot.

“Too fine,” Val said. “She’s cold.”

“No, she’s hardcore,” Clint said. “She’s got ice in her veins. She does what she has to do to get through it.”

“She lost a baby. She lost a fallopian tube and she’s acting like she doesn’t even care. She’s acting like she has no emotions or warmth, like she’s missing a soul.”

“She’s gonna make a great surgeon.”

“Clint!”

“It’s true. You show no weakness, you make it to the top.”

“Some people just keep their feelings to themselves,” you commented.

Your eyes were on the door, where Steve had just walked in. If he noticed you, he didn’t make it noticeable. You watched as he walked over to the bar and sat beside Gamora. Steve ordered a drink from Happy before talking to Gamora. Too bad you were too far away to hear them.

“Y/N kissed me,” Steve told Gamora. “Peggy kissed me… My wife and my girlfriend kissed me on the same day.”

“Happy, do I look friend to you?” Gamora asked.

“Oh, you’re a tiny little kitten of joy and love,” Happy responded, only for Gamora to make a face. “What? He saved my life.”

“His first mistake.” She took a sip of her drink. “Captain McDreamy, go sit by someone who cares.”

“Oh gee,” Steve mocks hurt, but doesn’t make a move to go. “Everything’s gonna be fine. Peggy will leave. Y/N and I will start over. Everything’s gonna be fine. Right?”

“You are so damn stupid.”

~~~

“With Natasha out, I need everyone focused today,” Gamora told her group of interns as you all headed off to rounds. “I have a feeling it’s gonna be be one of those days and since we’re short an intern, you do not want to get on my bad side.”

“When are we not on her bad side?” You whispered to Clint.

“Speak for yourself,” he replied with a scoff. “Scott and I are her favorites.”

The group walked into their first patients room. The woman was sitting on the bed, enthralling a group of hospital workers with a tell.

“So we're in the middle of the Belizean jungle and this jaguarondi jumps out and bites one of the guides,” the woman says. “They all look at me. They're yelling, "You're a doctor, help him!" This is one time a PhD does no good.” The people laugh.

“Sorry,” Gamora interrupted, “did I miss the memo about social hour?” Everyone quickly began leaving besides your group.

“Tales of missionary life,” the woman explained.

“You’re a missionary?” Val asked.

“No, my parents. We traveled a lot. Well, they still do.”

“Lang, tell me about our patient,” Gamora ordered.

“Okay, um, this is Dr. Banner’s patient, Talya,” Scott explained. “She, uh, presents with multiple syncopal episodes and ventricular arrhythmias.”

“So you’ve been passing out?” Gamora asked.

“Yeah,” Talya confirmed, “and having palpitations.”

“Talya has past medical history of rheumatic heart disease with mitral valve stenosis,” Scott added.

“They had to ship me from Zambia to the States for 3 months of treatment when I was 8,” Tayla said. “Rheumatic fever almost killed me.”

“Someone please tell me what the primary causes of ventricular arrhythmias are,” Gamora said.

Before anyone in the room could responded, Natasha appeared in the doorway. She leaned up against it in her hospital gown with her IV stand.

“Valvular disease, mitral valve prolapse, stimulants, drugs, and metabolic abnormalities,” Natasha answered.

“Out!” Gamora ordered.

“I’m fine.”

“Out! And you better be in your bed by the time we round on you!”

“And when will that be?”

“In 15 seconds. 14. 13. 13. 11.” 

Natasha turned around to head to her room, revealing her underwear through her nightgown. The group of interned laughed.

“Nice panties, Romanoff!” Peter laughed.

Natasha flips him the bird as she keeps waking. “In your dreams, Quill.”

They followed Natasha into the room, where she huffed as she got back into bed.

“L/N,” Gamora called.

“Right,” you responded. “Natasha Romanoff. Post-op day 3 from a unilateral salpingectomy.”

“And ready to get back to work,” Natasha said. “I'm taking solids and my pain is controlled with oral meds. I'm ready.”

“Well, it says here on your chart on you had a fever?”

“Y/N,” Nat growled.

“Natasha, did you have a fever?” Gamora questioned.

“Temp spiked to 101 last night. Big deal.”

“She worked 2 shifts last month with a 102 degree flu,” Clint added.

“Yes! Exactly, Clint. Thank you.”

“And we appreciate your dedication but you're staying in bed until it normalizes,” Gamora said. “You need to relax, shut up, and get better. You're a patient this week so you can be a doctor next week. Understand?”

“I understand,” Natasha grumbled.

~~~

Rounds had finished as you were heading to your assignment when you ran into Steve near the elevators.

“Skipping rounds?” He wondered.

“No,” you replied. “They just finished.” You kept walking, when Steve took your arm to stop you.

“Y/N…”

“You’ve got a wife.”

“Yes.”

“You’re life is complicated.”

“Yes.”

“I don’t need more complicated. I have that all on my own.”

“Yes.”

“Stop saying yes.”

Steve smiled. “I’m trying not to make any sudden movements.”

“You think this is funny?”

“Peggy’s leaving. She doesn’t have any more patients. There’s no reason for her to be here.”

“No reason? Really?”

“No really whatsoever.”

Steve stepped closer, bringing his hand up to brush your cheek. You stood there, trying to not let it get to your head or, well, anywhere else. Suddenly, Peggy appeared.

“Well now, isn’t this cozy?” She said. “Can I join in or are you not into threesomes?”

“I have to go,” you said, rushing away. You didn’t go too far, interested to watch everything unfold.

“Y/N…” Steve called with a sign. He turned to Peggy. “You really are Satan. You realize that right? If Satan were to take physical form, he'd be you. Everywhere, all the time.”

“I am so not Satan,” Peggy responded.

“How come you haven't got on your broomstick and gone back to where you belong?”

“Stop being petty.”

“Stop being an adulterous bitch.”

“You know, you are going forgive me eventually, right? I mean you can't just ... I mean there was a time when you thought of me as your best friend.”

“There was a time where I thought you were the love of my life. Things change.”

Peggy sighed and pulled some papers out of her bag, handing them to Steve. Steve quickly flipped through them.

“Divorce papers,” he said.

“Your lawyer said they're ok. I haven't signed them yet. The ball's in your court. If you sign, I'll sign. I'll sign and be on the first plane out of here.”

“I'll sign them immediately. I want you out of here as soon as possible.”

“Steve, have you ever thought that, even if I am Satan and an adulterous bitch, that I still might be the love of your life?”

Not answering, Steve walks away, completely not noticing you listening in from behind a pillar.

“What are we looking at?” Tony asked, appearing out of nowhere.

“Ah!” You exclaimed, jumping slightly. “Don’t do that!” You playfully hit him. “You scared me.”

“Sorry,” he laughed. “I just saw you over here and I was interested in seeing what you were observing.”

“I think… I think Peggy just handed Steve divorce papers.”

“Really? That actually surprises me. I thought she would put in a little more of a fight.”

“Yeah…”

“I guess that’s good news for you, right?”

“I guess.”

“You guess?”

“I want him to choose me because of me, not because of a divorce.”

“In my ever humble opinion, I think it will always be you. Trust me. That man is whipped.”

~~~

Natasha snuck out of her room and stole her chart. She sat in her bed as she made changes to it. Walking by, Banner looked in and noticed that no one else was in there. He quickly took the chart of Nat.

“Hey! That’s my chart,” Natasha complained.

“You're the patient. Not the doctor. Act like one,” Bruce reprimands as he studies her chart. “It's been tough finding you alone.”

“Yeah? Well…”

“How are you doing?”

“Well, you have my chart, you tell me.”

He sighed. “Natasha, how are you doing?”

“I’m fine. Perfectly okay.”

“I had a right to know.”

“Well, now you do.”

“Natasha—“

“Look. Now you know. It’s over. There’ soothing for you to deal with. So I don’t know what else there really is left to say.”

“Plenty. For starters you could've come to me—“

“And what? We could have raised it together? Or you could have held my hand when I got the abortion? I did not need any of that. I’m an intern.”

“Nat—“

“Can you just go? I need to rest. Doctor’s orders.”

~~~

Gamora called you to help her with a patient. You two walked into the patient room together, revealing a younger man on the bed.

“I thought I told you I never want to see you again,” Gamora said to the patient.

“That's only cause you're too lazy to learn anything more,” the man responded.

“Dr. Y/N L/N, this is Nick Tate. He thinks he knows so much cause he was one of my first patient's as an intern.”

“I knew as much as she did. She was clueless about how to treat cystic fibrosis. A simple cholecystectomy turned into a month-long stay.”

“Better not be alleging malpractice. Guy raises about a 100 grand a year for cystic fibrosis, running triathlons. Thinks he's a big shot.”

“Wait, you run triathlons?” You questioned, confused how it could as a patient with cystic fibrosis.

“Yeah, why not?” He responded.

“It’s a pain for one,” Gamora replied, flipping through the chart. “Says here you're finally admitting to feeling a little unwell?”

“A little.”

“How little? Truth.”

“Oh, enough to keep me awake at night. Had some seizures. Um, too weak to work out.”

“Anyone been through here with your CT results?”

“No. It's probably just my pancreatitis kicking up again.”

“All right then. We'll be back. With your results and a plan.” Gamora walked to the door, with you following. She glanced back at Nick. “Huh, where do your parents think you are this time?”

He smiled. “Hmm, San Diego.”

Gamora shakes her head as you follow her the rest of the way out of the room.

“What about his parents?” You asked. “Shouldn’t he, or we, tell them?”

“No, he doesn't like to bother them until he's well or about to get discharged. He understands his reality. He just chooses to ignore it. Denial works for him, L/N.”

~~~

After Bruce had left, it only took Natasha two minutes to have found blue scrubs and change into them. She took out her IV and snuck out to the nurses station. She began looking through patient charts. The head nurse, Phil Coulson, found her like that.

“Where’s your IV?” He asked, looking at her with a disappointed father face.

“I've taken solids. I HEP-locked it,” Natasha replied.

“On whose orders?”

“Mine.”

“Okay.” Phil quickly found her chart and began reading it. “Romanoff. How about this order: best rest, out of bed to chair, bathroom privileges. Nothing about stealing charts at the nurses station.”

“Okay, you know what….” She quickly looked around to find a nearby empty wheelchair. She brought it over and sat down in it. “There, satisfied? I’m out of bed to chair.”

“I’m telling your intent on you.”

“Y/N?”

“Yeah.”

“Oooh, I’m so scared.”

She wheeled off with a patient chart, heading to Tayla’s room. When she arrived, she witnessed Tayla, by herself, taking a pill.

“I saw that!” Natasha exclaimed from her wheelchair in the doorway. “I saw you take that pill.”

“Oh it's, it's my pill,” Tayla excused. “You know... the pill.”

Natasha quickly looked over the chart. “It’s not at all in your chart and you are supposed to tell us the meds you are on.”

“You’re not my doctor. You shouldn't even be here.”

“She’s right,” Val said, appearing from behind. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“I saw her take unauthorized medication!” Natasha continued.

“Well, you’re unauthorized to be here.”

“I’m on the pill and I had grapefruit juice this morning,” Tayla explained. “Since the juice inhibits enzymes involved in the metabolism of OCPs, I thought I'd avoid the interaction by taking it two hours after my meal.”

“She's has a doctorate in neuropharmacology, Natasha.”

Natasha huffed, “Well, Val, I don’t see any place where oral contra—“

“Okay so now you will. Will you just go back to bed and stop bothering the other patients?”

Tayla’s heart monitor suddenly started racing, bringing the other women attentions to her. She fell to the floor, unconscious, and Val rushed to her.

“She’s in V-FIB!” Natasha said. 

“Call the code,” Val ordered as she began compressions.

Natasha practically jumped out of her chair to call a code, which didn’t feel good. Val got Tayla back as the code team arrived.

“No code?” The nurse questioned.

“Not anymore,” Val answered. “Can you help get her back into bed.

“I’ll—I’ll help,” Natasha breathed got, struggling to get back to her wheelchair. “Just give me a minute.”

“Would you just go back to bed? Seriously, please just go.”

Natasha nodded as she finally made it to the wheelchair. “Just… if she’s on OCP’s, mark it down. Okay, Val?”

“Yeah.”

~~~

You had gotten Nick’s x-ray’s back and were currently putting them up to view them with Gamora by your side.

“Nick’s got a mass in his midepigastrium,” you explained. “Diffused enlargement of the pancreas. That, with his hypoglycemic seizures—“

“He's going to need an exploratory laparotomy. But, despite his triathlons, his lungs still make me hesitant to cut,” Gamora added.

“What are we going to do?”

“I haven’t gotten that far yet.”

“Doctors,” Peggy greeted.

“Dr. Carter-Rogers.”

“How old is he?” Peggy asked, studying the x-rays.

“26.”

“Survivor, huh?”

“And them some. My patient for at least 5 years. I'm not gonna lose him now.”

“You planning a laparotomy?”

��Hmm. You know, I think I could help you with this. I've seen one case like this before in a 9 year old. We ended up having to do a total pancreotectomy.”

“I'd be honored to take any help you can give me.”

“You’re a neonatal specialist,” you said. “What, uh… this isn’t your area.” Gamora looked at you, annoyed, as she shock her head. “I’m just saying that—“

“I did 2 years genetic research in cystic fibrosis,” Peggy told you. “I've pretty much seen it all, Dr. L/N.”

“Oh.”

~~~

Walking down the hall, Steve found you. Always trying his best to make a conversation with you. This time it was easy.

“Are you sure your wife is leaving?” You questioned. “She offered to help on the case Gamora has me working on.”

“Just because she offered her services doesn't mean she intends to stay,” Steve responded.

“Well, what does it mean? Because it seems to me—“

“It means that she's a good doctor.”

“Huh… why are you suddenly defending her?”

“I’m not. Y/N, she gave me divorce papers. She filed.”

“Good for you.”

“All I have to do is sign, and I’m free… We’re free.”

“Is there anything to think about?”

“No,” he shook his head, “of course not. I have to read through them, sign, then Peggy’s on the next plane out of here.” He grabbed your hands. “This is going to work.”

~~~

After the conversation he had with you, Steve immediately went searching for Gamora.

“Of all the fine doctors in the city, you accept a consult from Peggy Carter,” Steve said, angrily.

“Carter-Rogers, isn’t it?” Gamora retorted.

“The point is she should be on her way home. Are you purposefully trying to drive me crazy?”

“You think this has something to do with you?” Gamora’s voice was loud and upset. “You think I’m even thinking about you and your romantic problems? I’m trying to help a patient very near and dear to my heart. And if consulting with your wife—your ex—your mistress, what ever it is that she becomes! If that’s the thing I have to do to save my patient, them I’m damn well gonna do it.”

“I understand… and I totally deserve the yelling. It’s just that—“

“Just, you look! You have put yourself between two very fine women and you looking for an easy way out and you wanna use me, and the hospital and... somebody to make the decision for you, and it's not gonna happen!”

“Could I just… could I just say a couple of things?”

“No.” Gamora stormed off.

~~~

You found Natasha sitting in her bed, in her room. Thankfully. Though she was looking through another patient’s chart. You pulled a chair up to her bedside and sat down in it with a sigh.

“What’s your problem?” Natasha asked.

“Peggy gave Steve divorce papers, which is good. I mean she’s still here, being Peggy, but it’s not like I’m jealous or anything.”

“That’s odd.”

“It’s odd I’m not jealous?”

“No, you have every right to be jealous. It's your territory and she's peeing all over it.” Natasha went back to focusing on the chart in her hands. “What’s odd is Banner’s patient.”

“Tayla?”

“Yeah. She’s been in 4 other hospitals this year. You know something’s not right.”

“You seem awfully interested in Banner’s patient.”

“This has nothing to do with Bruce.”

“Natasha, you lost a fallopian tube, a baby and a boyfriend all in one day. You have the right to be upset.”

“And you’re losing Captain McDreamy to his perfect wife. You have the right to be jealous.”

“I did not lose Captain McDreamy. Divorce papers, remember? And I’m not jealous.”

“And I’m not upset. I really need to get out of here.”

“You’re on bedrest, remember?”

“Okay, if the situation was reversed, would you wanna spend time with your mother in a confined room with one window?”

“No. I guess not. But still. You need to stay put.” 

Before Natasha could respond, your pager beeped. You looked down at it and groaned.

“I got to go,” you muttered, leaving.

“Good luck!”

~~~

Peggy and Gamora met you in Nick’s room. There you began explaining the surgery to him.

“We won't know for sure until we go in there, but it looks like that I'm going to have to take out your pancreas and re-route your intestines,” Peggy said.

Nick looked at Gamora. “Did you tell her that my lungs don't do well with anesthesia?”

“Don’t I always have your back?” Gamora retorted.

“Your kidney function is decreasing rapidly and I'm afraid you're gonna go into multi-system organ failure if we don't operate,” Peggy continued.

“If I say no?” Nick wondered.

“There’s no guarantees, Nick. You know that,” Gamora answered. “It's gonna be a long, hard surgery and put a lot of stress on your body.”

“Yeah,” he smiled, “but I’m me.”

She smiled back. “But you’re you.”

“So if we don’t operate, I die. And if… we do operate, I may die.”

“Basically, yes,” Peggy responded.

“Well, I like those odds. And 26 years with this disease is awesome. And that's the reality. So if I get lucky ... great. And if I don’t…” Nick grabbed Gamora’s hand, “it’s been sweet.”

“It’s gonna stay sweet,” she replied.

~~~

Natasha was laying on her bed with her harm over her eyes when Clint walked into the room. Tayla’s chart was laid out on top of her.

“Why do you have that?” He asked.

“I’m working,” Nat answered. “Trying to figure out what’s going on with the crazy woman on four.”

“You are the crazy woman on four. Though, I have to say, you have a better patina than me and you don’t even really have a patient.” Clint plopped down in the chair next to her bed. “Y/N’s got a CF case. Peter has a gunshot wound. Val’s got the mystery arrhythmias. I have babysitting a crazy old lady! I’d rather do scut with Scott than this! I’m a surgeon. A cutter. I don’t want to be a fake surgeon! I want to be a real one!”

“She’s faking it,” Nat repeated to herself. She quickly got off the bed. “The missionary. Talya… Thank you!” 

She patted Clint’s head as she walked by. Natasha headed straight for the nurses station, where she saw Val looking around for something.

“Val!” Natasha called. “How how Talya’s studies been?”

“Hey!” Val responded, not pleasantly as she took the chart from Nat. “I’ve been looking everywhere for that!”

“Negative, right?”

“Oh! The echo tests showed mild mitral stenosis, the tilt test was negative. We're doing EP studies.”

“I can tell you what's wrong with her without sticking electrodes in her heart.”

“Really. Just by the chart?”

“No, from the pill she took.”

“They were contraceptives, Natasha! Why are you so obsessed with this? Just go back to bed!”

“I think she’s doing this to herself.”

“You think she's inducing ventricular arrhythmias? She'd have to be crazy to do—“

“No, no, no. She'd have to have Munchausen’s.”

“Okay wait. You think she's secretly ingesting something to produce real symptoms? Seriously?”

“Yes. Run it by Banner and tell me what he thinks.”

“Why don’t you tell him yourself. He is standing right behind you.” Val made eye contact with the man. “Dr. Banner.” 

Then Val left. Leaving Natasha will Bruce. She sighed as Bruce guided her into the small office nearby before listening to her.

“I mean, she obviously loves the patient role. She practically lives in hospitals. And... and, and we're like an imaginary family to her because her really family blows her off to go take care of other people.... And, and I saw her take something.”

“It's not enough,” Bruce said, shaking his head. “We have to rule out everything else. Everything physical.”

“She even lied about her job. She's a pharmacy tech, not a PhD.”

“So she's a liar. I've been lied to before.”

“Hey, we're not talking about us here.”

“Maybe we should be.”

“I didn’t lie!”

“You withheld the truth from me. How was00”

“Okay, you know what? I distinctly remember you breaking things off with me. And you didn't seem so upset about it. And this?” She motioned between herself and Bruce. “This is, this is not a relationship. This is not real.”

“Natasha…”

“Okay, and, and so what's with the big display of fake hurt and drama?” She began walking out of the room.

“Natasha!”

“I’m supposed to be in bed.”

~~~

You absolutely did not want to be in surgery with Peggy. Yet there you were.

“I need more traction,” Peggy stated. “Dr. Y/N?” You quickly did as you were told.

“Here,” Gamora called, “give me some suction there.” So you did. “Now L/N, retract the duodenum. Good. How’s he doing Vis?”

Vis was keeping watch over Nick’s vitals and such. “Harder to ventilate and no urine output since we started,” Vis informed.

Peggy shook her head, “he’s shutting down.”

“Did you increase his peak pressures?” Gamora asked.

“Any higher, I blow his lungs,” Vis responded before the monitor beeped. “Bradycardia. Pushing 1 of atropine.”

“Try ventilating him manually,” Peggy ordered, “see if he starts coming back up.” Vis began pushing on a bag.

“Did we miss any bleeders?” Gamora wondered.

“The surgical field is clear.”

The monitor began beeping faster. “Agonal rhythm,” you said.

“Any pulse with that?” Gamora asked.

“No carotid,” Vis answered.

“Okay, starting CPR.” Gamora handed over her tools and begun CPR. “Push one of EPI.”

“No extraordinary measures, Gamora,” Peggy warned. “He’s DNR.”

“No this is just good medicine.” Sh continued CPR, almost frantically. “Come on! Come on! Don’t give up. Come on.”

“You’re getting tired,” you noted. “Let me take over, Dr. Gamora.” She nodded, letting you quickly switch her places.

“Gamora, his intestines are cyanotic,” Peggy stated. “There’s no blood circulating.”

“It’s been shunted to his brain where he needs it,” Gamora responded as she studied your CPR form. “You call those compressions.” She shoved you to the side and took over CPR. You and Peggy made eye contact, worried. “Fight it. Come on.” Peggy looked around, shaking her head, and everyone stopped what they were doing. All but Gamora. “Why isn’t anyone moving? Whose recording?”

“It's been ten minutes since we've had a perfusing rhythm.” Peggy goes to stop Gamora but is shrugged off. The monitor flat lines. “It’s your call, Gamora.”

Taking a shaky inhale, Gamora stopped. She pulled off her mask as the monitor continues to flat line. “Asystole.” She looked up at the clock. “Time of death: 19:35.”

Gamora rushed out of the OR, trying not to cry. She went straight to the sinks and began cleaning her hands furiously. She paused when she noticed people covering up Nick’s body. Peggy walked in and started washing her hands as well, with you following. You both eyed Gamora a few times, worried. Soon, she left.

Peggy sighed. “It’s hard to accept the end when you’re too close.” She looked down as she slipped her wedding ring back onto her finger. She noticed you watching. “Look, I don't want someone who doesn't want me, Y/N. But if there's the slightest chance that he does, I'm not leaving New York.”

~~~

Val walked into Natasha’s room, not excited for the news she was about to tell her.

“Well?” Natasha asked.

“You were right,” Val sighed. “Talya definitely suffers from Munchausen’s.”

“See I was right…. I was right…” She closed her eyes. “I was right…” Nat began to cry. “I was right. I was… I was right. Oh… I’m—I’m—“ She let out a sob. “I’m right. I’m—I’m right.”

Val looked out of the room to see Clint walking by. “Clint! Page Y/N!”

Clint hurried in. “Why? What—what’s happening? What did you do to her?”

“She just started crying and I don’t know what to do!”

“I’ll get one of the nurses to page, Y/N.” Clint rushed out.

“Natasha,” Val tried, slowly coming closer. “Natasha, calm down.”

“The nurses paged her!” Clint came rushing back in.

“It’s okay, Nat.” Val went in for a hug, only for Nat to shrink away and cry harder. “Okay, okay. I won’t hug you.”

“What’s going on?” You came running in, panicked.

“I can’t stop!” Nat cried. “I can’t—-I can’t stop…”

“Crying,” Val finished for her. “She can’t stop crying.”

“I can’t see that!” You replied. “What did you guys do to her?”

“Nothing!”

“She’s going to dehydrate,” Clint said. “Nat, do you want some water?”

Nat shook her head, “no, no…” You tried to go in for a hug, only to be pulled away.

“NO!” Clint and Val exclaimed.

“I already tried that,” Val said. “It just made it worse.” Clint tentatively handed Nat a tissue.

“Natasha,” you tried again.

“Make—make it stop,” Natasha sobbed. “Make it stop… Somebody sedate me!”

“What’s going on in here?” Bruce asked, walking in. He was dressed like he was about to leave. There was clear concern etched on his face. 

“We can’t get her to stop crying,” you replied.

“Y/N, get everyone else out of here.” Bruce was taking off his jacket. “Watch the door.”

You nodded, quickly ushering Clint and Val out. They voiced protests, but willing left. You shut the door behind you and watched. Peeking through the window, you watched as Bruce got in the bed beside Nat. He wrapped his arms around her and brought her close, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Natasha willingly curled into him, welcoming his comfort. You sighed and turned away, leaning against the door to keep watch. Steve noticed you and came up.

“Hey,” he smiled.”

“Hey.”

“When are you off?”

“Uh,” you glanced at your watch, “in about an hour. Why?”

“Meet me at Happy’s when you get off.” He started walking backwards, sly smirk on his lips. “Don’t be late.”

~~~

Steve and you arrived at Happy’s bar at the same time. He gave you a smile as he held the door open for you. You walked over to an empty table, Steve close behind.

“I’m glad we’re doing this,” you said.

“Me too,” Steve replied. He set it briefcase on his chair. “Want a drink?”

“Yes, please.”

Turning around, Steve knocked his briefcase onto the ground. A stack of papers slipped out.

“I’ve got it,” Steve quickly said, bending down.

“I’ll get it,” you said, picking up the papers.

You glance at the papers as you stand back up. There his divorce papers, that he has yet to sign.

next chapter >

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[bbnibini]

Your Words (Simeon)

"Simeon comforting MC after a hard day with a story and a song. (The story could be about anything really)"

Requester: Cchinita (AO3) ao3 vers.

So, I got really invested in this HC Request and inadvertently made an AU(?) for this. I already mentioned this in the AO3 version of this post but, I really appreciate the OP for requesting this to be a platonic relationship. I LOVE writing about friendships. As someone who places equal value on both romantic and platonic relationships, this request really warmed my heart.♡ In fact, I love this so much, I might post a continuation for it in the distant future-

(HC/scenario under cut)

It was the same, usual day. Same, usual spiels. Same, usual annoyances. Same, usual, miniscule discomforts. Yet, the same, “usual” made you feel…unusual. The snide remarks you tolerate from your co-workers sounded particularly biting. The broken coffee machine seemed to act up even more than before, even if the hands of the clock overhead indicated you still had plenty of time for your break. It was the same weekend to look forward to, same katsu sandos at the company cafeteria that were a little soggier to your liking. You have gotten used to the polite, yet tiresome indirectness of adult confrontation—on tiptoeing on your every word like a tightrope, with the entire world watching your struggles to acclimate with “the real world’s mundane”, as if were some cheap variety show entertainment. Yet...

Something about today seemed different. It was tiring. Exhausting even. You were one more passive-aggressive remark away from throwing an outburst—even your practised smiles were strained and everyone around you started to notice. Two-faced inquiries of your well-being masked more malicious intentions (whether it’s fabricated from your own overthinking, or it being even the slightest truth did not matter), questions of the breaks and accruals you have never really utilised because of your obsession to catch up with some proverbial Goliath who had dollar signs in his eyes, or your fixation on “making a difference”; on “investements” rang in your head and would not stop until the first drop of tears formed in your eyes.

“Take it easy today.” Were such comforting words if it did not fall from your disappointed supervisor’s eyes, who was as obsessed with numbers and team performance as yourself—in their eyes, you felt less of a human being and more of a defective asset. When had it been like this? When did life start to feel…dull? In your quest to find meaning in your life, you have reached a dead end. Would anyone even care if you tell them? Why would such thoughts ever have meaning if you have “your life set out for you?”

Such crippling feelings always felt less burdensome with a few sips of liquid courage. One shots. Two shots. Cheers! There was no need to pretend you were drinking it if you were in your lonesome. Alcohol definitely tasted better when it wasn’t being offered, nor pressured on you. Your head buzzed, and your cheeks heated with its familiar warmth. The strained voice of the usual balladeer in your favourite bar even sounded melodic in your ears after downing a bottle’s worth of your favourite cocktail. In fact, she sounded really, really good: angelic even, if not a lot more…baritone than you were used to. Her blue eyes lingered on your direction until you heard your name being spoken by him…him? What happened to the shy songstress at the centre stage? And who was this handsome stranger calling for you to join him by the grand piano?

“Do you have any requests for this evening, dear customer?”

He wasn’t the usual singer in the bar at all! You felt the laughable boldness that your alcohol had given you fizzle up and vanish in an instant.

So many eyes were on you that it was hard to pretend indifference. The handsome stranger beside you noticed this and leaned on your ear, whispering the same words your supervisor had told you earlier.

“Take it easy today.”

…but his felt like he actually meant it. He sang your request so beautifully that you momentarily forgot your worries. He even went so far as to walk you home when the bartender worriedly fussed over getting you a taxi.

Before you knew it, you spilled all of your complaints and grievances to the handsome stranger, his blue eyes only narrowing as if he were smiling at you.

“Thank you for working hard today.”

How could he know how hard you worked? You called him arrogant, and he only laughed and admitted you were right.

“For now, let’s walk you home.”

Your next day at work was the same, usual dullness. Monotony. Indifference. The only highlights of your day were the times when Simeon had shifts in the bar you frequent. Oftentimes, he sings a tune for you while he was at work, and in the after hours, he scoots you over next to him on his favourite spot in the empty park, a cup of the nice old lady’s hangover soup at a strategically placed food stall across from the bar at hand.

You found out that he was a graduate student working on his Master’s on literature. His face was beautiful, yet unfamiliar. His pseudonym, Christopher Peugeot however…

“NO WAY!”

“Haha! I’m afraid it’s the truth.”

Why was a famous author working minimum wage at a rundown bar? Came the question in your face, which he had answered with unnerving calm.

“Because it’s fun!”

Fun? You haven’t heard that spoken for a while. Simeon looked over at you worriedly, commenting on your soup getting cold, your reply he had awaited a few minutes too late for any conversation to continue. You promptly apologised once you snapped out of it.

“I…forgot.”

“Forgot?”

You smiled at him, bashful. “How to have fun. It feels like I’m…just here. I…I’m exhausted, Simeon. I don’t know what to do.”

The next thing you knew, you were wrapped in his arms, his gentle hand stroking your head, reminding you of a gentle hand from your distant past doing the same.

When he had wiped your tears and called for your name, it felt like you were seen for the first time in a while. Maybe it was fine to feel this way. Maybe…just maybe…you had a “right” to feel exhausted. Maybe…

“It’s okay, I’m here.”

And he was. He always was. For the years to come-- even when the test of time had placed hardships in your bonds, he had always been.

(To be continued?)

[gaming-universe]

Who We Are || Russell Adler

Call of Duty Black Ops: Cold War

-PART FIVE-

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR CALL OF DUTY BLACK OPS: COLD WAR! IF YOU HAVEN’T PLAYED/FINISHED THE CAMPAIGN THEN PLEASE DONT READ! Gore, violence, course language, mature content.

Summary: Betrayed and alone after surviving the events that took place on the Solovetsky Islands, Y/n ‘Bell’ L/n faces new and more dangerous threats when she learns that Perseus has other plans for his failed nuclear detonation of Europe. It was only a matter of time before Y/n came face to face with her old team. There is unfinished business between Y/n and Adler, as this operation proves to be more deadly than originally thought.

Author’s Note: So, after finishing the campaign, I needed to do Bell/Player and Adler justice. I loved this game so much, and chosing to play as the female character, I felt like there was a genuine connection between Bell and Adler throughout the game. There is a tag list open for anyone that wishes to stay up to date with the series. Simply comment below. Gif by @travelllar (I have to apologise for taking so long to post this part. I have been going through a lot of personal stuff lately).

|PART ONE| |PART TWO| |PART THREE| |PART FOUR|

It had been an intense staring contest between you and Park for the last five minutes.

Even though internally you did feel somewhat intimidated by her presence, you stood tall, folding your arms over your chest as your eyes narrowed into a deadly glare. Every fibre of your being screamed at you to tear the bitch apart, to yell and scream at her for her part in what she did to you. If Mason hadn’t been standing beside you, you just might have done it. “You’re looking well...” She spoke lowly, no ounce of regret in her tone as she tried to micking your posture “for a dead woman”. You scoffed a laugh, your jaw clenching as your tongue pressed against the roof of your mouth. You raised a challenging eyebrow, the corner of your lips tugging upward in a matching smirk. “So do you” You replied, your tone so cold that Mason recoiled from its harshness.

Her eyes glazed over with a look of pure hatred, Woods releasing a low whistle from his place at the coffee table which did nothing to ease the now increased tension. A pair of footsteps entered the room, Adler clearing his throat as he moved to stand on your other side, blocking your view of Park. “What are you doing here?” He questioned, his voice low and dangerous. Your chest tightened at his tone. It wasn’t the type of tone he used when something had gone wrong, or when he was left in the dark or confused. Adler was pissed, perhaps borderline furious.

“You didn’t come back to the safehouse last night, I got worried” She replied, her response making you roll your eyes. You watched observantly as Adler’s shoulders tensed beneath his leather jacket, quickly turning to face you with a look of anger. His arm brushed yours as he moved to grab you forearm with his hand. “We need to talk, now” He practically seethed, dragging you out of the living room and into the upstairs hallway. You said nothing as Adler released your arm from his hold, pacing back and forth before bracing his hands on his hips. When Adler’s gaze finally moved to you, his entire demenour changed. His shoulders slumped, as he ran a stressed hand through his hair. “I was going to wait until Hudson got here, but I need you to be one-hundred percent on board, or at least on the same page as I am. I want you back on the team”.

You shook your head, biting your lips anxiously “Adler, I’m not sure-”

“Just hear me out. You know more about Perseus than anyone here Y/n. I need you. That’s why I need to know if you are with me or not” He spoke sincerely, moving just that little bit closer so that he was standing mere inches from your form. You pressed your lips into a thin line, looking up at him through his sunglasses. “If I agree to be part of the team again, you have to promise not to screw me over. If you screw me over even once, I am out”.

Adler nodded “I promise, like we said this morning. No more lies, no more bullshit. You will be the first person to know about everything that is going on when I do. I promise”. You stared up at him with a nervouse expression. You still weren’t entirely sure whether or not this was a good idea. But you wanted Perseus dead more than anyone. There was a burning anger buried deep within you that had been there for a very long time. Right now, you might not have known the exact reason why it was there, but it was enough to make you accept Adler’s offer wholeheartedly.

Nodding in what you assumed was relief, Adler continued “Okay, now I’m going to tell you this in confidence, and you cannot let anyone know about what I am going to tell you. Hudson and I suspect there is a mole in the team”.

Your eyes widened, your lips parting slightly in shock. “What? Do you have any idea as to who it might be?” You asked, not liking the way Adler’s expression fell. “No, we don’t. A month after you...after you were KIA, we started intercepting outgoing coded messages from someone in this team. With your skills, we could find out who it is in a matter of days. We just need-”

“Hudson. We just need Hudson to approve this little operation, huh?” You finished for him, once again feeling yourself becoming somewhat closed off again. Adler moved to place his hand comfortingly on your shoulder “I’ll take care of it, you don’t have to worry-”

“But I do. No offence, but you don’t think Hudson might be a little on edge after discovering that I am alive? And what about the huge mistake about my defection? I’m sure he would be super pissed off about it-”

“I have no doubt he will be, but one thing is for sure, he won’t be pissed at you” Adler interrupted, raising his eyebrow at you with a small tug of his lips “I can guarantee you that”. Your eyes met his, peering through those glasses to search for any sign of doubt, for any sign of hesitancy coming from the man before you. When you found none, your shoulders slumped heavily, your gaze turning towards the square curtained window at the end of the hall. “Alright...” You began, trying to hide the growing uneasiness from your voice “so what happens after we are done here? Where do we go?”.

“We’ll head back to the safehouse in West Berlin. From there, Woods, Mason, Park and myself will focus on this new lead we have on Perseus, Operation Hydra. You and Sims will focus on decoding those messages, and finding out who our mole is”.

A haunting chill travelled down your spine, as vivid flashes of your time at that safehouse consumed you; being strapped to that gourney, the serum coursing through your veins and setting your senses alight in a painful fire. The thundering of your own heartbeat echoing in your ears, the taste of copper in your mouth-

Adler watched as your eyes glazed over, your mind going to a dark place that even he didn’t dare venture. This was all his fault. He had damaged you, likely beyond repair. Your features that once looked at him with such a bright smile, had lost the glow. You were a shadow of your former self, in more ways than one. And it was all because of him. He gently tightened his grip on your shoulder, a strange warmth enveloping him as your eyes immediately cleared, lifting to stare up at him with a small forced smile. It truly amazed him how resiliant you were, even after everything you had been through.

You took a deep breath, closing your eyes to calm your racing heart before nodding your head slowly. “We should probably head back downstairs. Who knows what chaos has gone on between Woods and Viktor”.

The way you suddenly changed the subject caused Adler’s stomach to twist, but he didn’t press the issue as he chuckled deeply, rolling his eyes in amusement as he stepped away from you. “You have a point, no doubt he’s probably broke by now” He teased, gesturing for you to go down the stairs ahead of him. You nodded, moving past him with small steps. You knew for certain that this would change things, with you now back on the team. But strangely, you felt like this was where you belonged. That you were meant to be with Adler and his team. But time would tell you supposed, and you hoped to god that this little arrangement would work out.

Tag List: @pookolokon @travelllar @basicwhiteasian @shellshockedbell @inteligentecat @staryozora @lovinggooppalacebanana @ktdragonborn @quietblogs-2-rd @cerezi @alluringartangels @its-crank-time @bridgebabebridgesme @xundeadqueenx @deviljoonie​ @dishonored-pendletwin @shyherrman @alice-went-away​

[thealternates]

As someone who was homeless off and on for over 5 years I'd love to add my input into the fire. First of all the original op is extremely right about how suspicious and controlling some people are towards the homeless's use of the money. I've had people try to follow me into a place to make sure I wasn't using the money for a scam. I was a minor while homeless as well. Multiple people have taken one look at me, even while a teen and went "this could be a scam". I promise you it's more worth it to lose 5-10 bucks to a scam then to avoid giving cash to every homeless person you see. Being homeless is different to a lot of people. Some may have a shelter, some may have a car, some may be completely defenseless on the street exposed to elements. You don't know what the homeless person does or doesn't need and if they don't want to spend the money on food chances are they either got food from somewhere else or a different product if their top priority. I wish people stopped assuming everyone with a sign or on the street is some scammer, yes scammers exist but like op said they'd have a reason to be desperate enough to be begging for money. I can also confirm how common it is for people to have food issues or allergies. I have stomach issues and get very sick with certain food. Someone refusing to give me cash, instead buying food for me means there's a chance I can't even eat it. Which means both the food and money they spent went to waste instead of being used for food I can safely consume. The fact there's some people thinking food must be the best gift therefore how dare the homeless or others complain about being so lucky for getting it?? People who argue with op or have that logic need to remember the homeless are all real people with different needs. That's just my input as an someone with homeless experience, I wanted to add on seeing how some replies and comments were ignoring the whole point of ops few posts

People who insist on buying food for homeless people so they “know where their moneys going” instead of just giving them money and the autonomy to spend it how they need it are not making it to heaven

[aphrodite1288]

Ks has been receiving love calls since he was still in the army. He had already said that if he was asked to participate in a variety show, he would accept. He doesn't want his private life exposed is one thing, doesn't mean he doesn't want to be promoted. You are making excuses for the neglect, mistreatment and sabotage the career him

#Disclaimer: 1st of all that's going to be a long ass Post to reply to any asks like that, so I hope people would read everything and not just read half of it and go bark somewhere about something I said that I have explained later but y'all didn't reach it to read it! So read everything before making comments or sending me asks. I don't want to repeat what I said here. So read before coming at me and bombard me with asks about stuff I already discussed here in this answer!

Sis you barely even know anything of him now. He already started filming his movie in June and finished filming his MV in late May or early June and you knew nothing about it 💁🏻‍♀️ coz if he really wanted to share that with y'all he would have mentioned it in his bubble or at least we would have seen him outside in the set. BUT HE DIDN'T WANT TO 🤷🏻‍♀️ HE doesn't want y'all to know, and don't tell me "coz SM is locking him up in the basement" that's why he can't breath and write you in bubble?? Heck! He even comes sometimes just to tell us about the weather or to drop a song and never mentioned about anything else about his life or his schedule. Normally all the members update about them going into their schedules but without revealing the content of the schedule coz that's the rules, but at least we get a pic or two of them heading to their schedules! To know that they're jobless! Heck Sehun is jobless now but we see him more than we see Ksoo who's extremely busy with a drama a movie and a debut and album preparations and promotion preparation! But Ksoo doesn't want that! He doesn't want y'all to know things about his life or what he does, or where he goes 🤷🏻‍♀️ That's why his fans and Fansites are so secretive and don't share anything, UPON HIS REQUEST. And to respect his extreme private character.

If he wanted he would have accepted Variety shows darling. He is busy filming a drama and a movie and making a debut and an album and preparing for promotions. Do you think he is free to be on Variety now? Even if he was asked , he can't now. Maybe later after or during his debut to promote for his album yeah, But definitely not now. Yes he had opportunities and he refused them coz he's busy. And maybe we would see him in the future but he is not into reality shows that much. Now he is focusing on his acting career and singing career relatively. As he is still not built as a solo artist yet to start a new journey for building a variety character and image for himself now. But maybe after his debut. Hopefully 🙇🏻‍♀️🕯️🕎

Sis he is busy, booked and he doesn't like being in the lights. He said it himself he had trauma in the past that left scars on him and affected his behavior with his own fans that's why he said he is distant from them.

Stop making me look like I hate Kyungsoo. This account is MAINLY and ONLY about HIM and Ji 💁🏻‍♀️ do you think I'd bother make an acc about him and talking about him 25/8 if I hated him 🤦🏻‍♀️

Fans don't want to admit their idol don't like interacting much with them 🤷🏻‍♀️

That's the truth. He likes his job but not the fans and sasaengs and aeygo part of it. He said it himself, he even thought of quitting Many times, as he found that he isn't FITTING into this idol world.

There's something u need to know, SM only wants to renew with Ksoo and Chan and Ji and Baek and mainly KSOO and Baek. So he is not sabotaged he is favored in the company. It's just that he doesn't like working with sM anymore! and he is enjoying his acting career and idol life while being locked up in the studio and movie sets without fans mobbing him and following him everywhere. If it wasn't for Hongki we would never know that Ksoo started filming and making his album and blah blah. Yes Ksoo doesn't like talking much to the fans and he isn't the type of idols to share everything about his life and everything he does.. with his fans. As he does his job as a real job and he enjoys it. I sometimes doubt that ksoo is the one writing in bubble 💭 except for the song recommandations maybe. 🤔

If he wanted he would have sent y'all pics of himself in Bubble like how all the members do but HE DOESN'T WANT TO 💁🏻‍♀️ Now go blame SM on that too.

I was always told that Ksoo said he wished he was a professional actor and singer but to not be famous! He said he wishes to be known for his talents and to do his job that he loves so much but to not famous at the same time 😂 which is impossible btw. He said he hates fame. He wishes he could do the job he loves so much but without the whole interacting and fame and spotlights part of it. I was told that. Since very long ago and I was sad at first to hear that. But after seeing Kyungsoo enjoying his privacy and not being mobbed and respected by his fans, I was extremely happy. Heck you can rarely hear anything about him or see any pics of him from his fans coz they keep everything to themselves coz I was told that that's what Kyungsoo wants and they keep his life private and never share anything about him- I was so happy to see him do what he likes the way he likes it in complete privacy.

We rarely hear he was out with someone for a meal but when we do, it's years after it happened 😂 or with no pics at all. Like how he met Zico and they were both at the studio maybe collaborating. But we didn't get any pics from his solo stans and Fansites not even Exol. Cuz they know he doesn't like it when things about him get exposed .

Like we rarely saw any pics of him outside not before military nor after. And this been happening for years now since debut (I mean the issue of rarely getting updates and pics about him in the streets or restaurants or hanging out with friends) wdym SM is putting him in the dungeon for once debut?? No! Sorry he was the most promoted member and the first one to start a solo career as an actor ONLY 2 years after his debut when he was still a rookie, he has always been the most promoted among all the members even before Jongdae and Baekhyun ! 🤷🏻‍♀️

To put it up in another way: Ksoo doesn't like working with sM anymore and all the members too as they're all now going to leave and not renew so they mostly accept few of the projects suggested to them to make profit from them and stay active in the lights in the mean time before they decide what to do later. So they will not risk taking big opportunities with big companies or shows and sign big-long term-contracts for a long period with big acting or variety companies coz they can't do much projects now in the name of SM since the contract is nearing its expiration, so as long as they r still labeled as SM ARTISTs and still under SM contract so SM would still take their fair share of the profits, So since their contract is nearing its end..they can't do big projects that require long period of time such as accepting deals for long term positions in a show such as "Official MCs" or "Fixed cast member in a show that would last for years" or to "sign with an acting company coz most of them have the bare minimum for a contract is 3 years i guess (idk i don't remember) or to sign with any company that obliges a long-term contract " etc.. coz SM would still take their profit even after they leave as the contract was signed with those companies when Exo's contract with sm was still on. And that's the last thing they want.. is after leaving your shitty company, they would still take profits from you.

Also most companies don't suggest you big and long term projects when your contract with your company is nearing its end! That's why most if the members now are jobless only getting few short-termed projects, Coz these companies are not only working with the idol BUT they're working with their company as well. As it's the one who decides most of the the idols opportunies and decisions and does everything for them.

So if you don't like the truth and don't like to hear things that don't go along with your fantasies about your Oppa then that's not my problem 🤷🏻‍♀️ Go Fix it .

And I hope you won't drop Ksoo after discovering something about him that you didn't like to admit he has 💁🏻‍♀️ he doesn't like yall to know things about him and he doesn't like interacting with his fans that much through social media. He has a private IG and if he wanted to talk to y'all he would have made a public one but he doesn't 🤷🏻‍♀️ just like Jongdae! And they are free and we should respect their decision! Jongdae Chose his private life over fans and trust me he is so happy with his wife and daughter and i saw them with my own eyes. He is enjoying his privacy and he is caring less about what haters are saying or if fans are disappointed.

You should get used from now on to the feeling that your bias doesn't want your nose always in his life and doesn't always want you to know everything about him and doesn't want to show himself up in programs and projects he doesn't want to do just COZ YOU WANT TO SEE HIM THERE. Also Make it in your heads that your bias private life and his close people are 1000 better than being with you all the time and satisfying your requests and fantasies💁🏻‍♀️

Respect and understand that your idol doesn't always want you to know everything about them and if your Oppa likes to be introvert and private you should respect that ! instead of complaining 25/8 on Bubble and twitter and IG about wanting to see him.

Be like Korean Exol they see Ksoo they meet him all the time they photograph him yet they never share anything or if they do it's after a long time, just coz they respect him and they know how private he is and how he hates his info and pics of him enjoying his day being exposed all over the internet. That's why we rarely get updates about Ksoo from OPs. And even if you beg them to buy his pics and updates they won't give u anything. That's why sasaengs always say they can't get anything about ksoo coz it's very hard as he is a very private person and his info are the hardest and most expensive to get.

Remember in the first half of 2019? When he disappeared for 6 months straight and never updated one word about himself and we were so worried and though he was leaving? He didn't even come out to deny the departure rumors it was SM who did, instead when we were all scares he was leaving and we haven't heard anything of him and were dying of concern, he was enjoying his cooking courses and applying for military and preparing for his position as a chef in military and going on vacation with his friends and squads and lover and chanyeol and you didn't know anything about him, you didn't hear one word from him! (Except for the pics with chanyeol at the airport and just coz chan was there if he wants tI doubt we would have got pics of ksoo at the airport leaving to japan) And he went straight to military after that with no update nor a goodbye Party nor anything! Just a plain letter in which he said he will enlist and after that he disappeared for 3 years (6 months before military and 1 year and a half of military and 7 months after discharge💁🏻‍♀️) Heck He even went and told the member that he will enlist without hesitation coz he is like that and members said they were shocked when he came and said he is enlisting all of a sudden like he just told them he was going to play football or something 🤷🏻‍♀️ He didn't want to make a goodbye party for his enlistment like how XIUMIN did, and why again? for the same goddam reason 🤷🏻‍♀️ don't you ask yourself why we rarely get any news about him 🤔 it's COZ HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW. 😂

After his discharge we heard he went along with Park shinhye and his Hyung actors squad to play golf together right after his discharge (in January 25th) , in February but we got no pics 💁🏻‍♀️ Why? Same reason🤷🏻‍♀️ everyone in korea knows Ksoo doesn't like coming out of the closet and expose himself to the public and interact with FANS and haters and obsessed fans and sasaengs.

KSOO WAS TRAUMATIZED BY FANS and SASAENGS AND IF YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DID TO HIM AND WHAT HE SUFFERED YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND HIS LACK OF INTERACTION WITH FANS and you WOULD GIVE HIM EXCUSE. HE CAN'T HELP IT! He tried so hard to get over this issue but couldn't. HE LOVES HIS FANS BUT HE CAN'T INTERACT WITH THEM PROPERLY AND HE APOLOGIZED ABOUT THAT A LOT! So please understand him.

Sometimes it's not always the company sometimes it's the idol himself who wants some SPACE. Maybe A LOT of space 😂 in Ksoo's case.

I'm not making excuses for the sabotage and Mistreatment, I'm showing you the Kyungsoo that you probably don't know.

We can't judge SM mistreatment to him now as he is not active now, but once his album is dropped that's when we would see and we could judge if they treat him well or not. And i hope his album would get all the promotions his talents deserve.

[fastcarsgovroom]

Don’t really know what to make of still it but here goes (the Lando Norris issue) Pt 3

This is about the Lando Norris and Max Fewtrell (and other involved streamers) issue so you don't need to read it if it's not in your best interest to. I don’t know if this thing is supposed to have blown over or anything, but I’m posting because heck this is my blog and I want to post about things I think are in line with my personal philosophy (and maybe in-group).    

The entire rant is in five parts:  

Part 1 is where I describe very basically the entire situation, essentially what I saw happening through posts on the tumblr, twitter, and reddit Lando Norris tags  

Part 2 is me trying to describe why some fans felt what they felt and reacted the way they did  

Part 3 is the videos and what was said of them and how I interpreted them  

Part 4 the ‘misinformation’ idk

Part 5 is like, a rant.

Part 3: What was actually said?

The clips of Lando and Max F saying things that were, for the lack of better words, questionable. Clip urls taken from one of the OPs who brought the issue to our attention (hope it’s all right I didn’t credit).

TW for talks about sex, sexism, and misogyny

If anything, listen to the clips for yourself and ignore the wall of text. Make up your own mind. I’m only writing what I’ve seen, and as a way to make sense of it. 

Under the cut

The relevant videos are (not in chronological order)

1. Star signs

https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_qqblm5bUU51y0rtc3.mp4

How I’d describe it: Max F brings up star signs (like, the zodiac) because his chat was discussing it. Lando reacts by saying that if a girl asks about star signs, ‘you get up and leave’, apparently in reference to his personal experience with a girl in conversation about star signs. Max F comments that the girl has ‘dodged a bullet’ based on how, for the lack of better words, passionate (’salty’) Lando’s reaction was. Lando retorts that Max F ‘wouldn’t have wanted to be with her,’ providing some information (where the girl was sitting), which causes Max F to recognize the girl and react in an amused but equally passionate way. The other streamer quoted “she crazy”, supposedly in relation to the girl.

How people have interpreted it: Others have interpreted is as being a sexual encounter, Lando being dismissive of a female-skewed topic of interest (star signs) and only listening to her in hopes of a sexual encounter (edit: the more ‘obvious’ “listening to women in hopes of a sexual encounter” is clip 4, added below. But I’ve also seen people claiming  ‘dipping’ (said by Max F) and ‘coughing’ (said by Lando) here to be references to sex, along with the ‘you wouldn’t have wanted to be with her’ as, of course, having sex, so I’ll leave this interpretation up. Again, I may be getting this wrong), that Lando and friends were making fun of the girl (’she crazy’, ‘you wouldn’t have wanted to be with her’, how Lando said the topic was ‘so boring’ at the mention of star signs, etc.) 

How I interpreted it: Personally, I don’t think we have enough context as to what really went down. I can see how you could come to the above interpretations, but I also, personally, find relating it necessarily to a sexual encounter a reach. Yeah, it could be the men hanging out and getting to know a young woman (girls) but just not jiving with her, or thinking that the woman’s interests were weird and boring. Personal conversations, essentially, that probably has no place on a public stream, but it comes across as being said carelessly and immaturely rather than with malice.  

2. ‘Stealing’, ‘don’t want to talk about it’, ‘that [descriptor]’ 

https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_qqbm90Esu01y0rtc3.mp4

How I’d describe it: This clip starts with a streamer (honestly I can only identify Max F and Lando, sorry) saying Max is bitter, to which Lando adds that it’s because Max F ‘did not receive love from a girl’. This seems to upset Max F, who retorts that if he should ‘tell a few stories’ about Lando, implied to be embarrassing ones. There was a lot of ‘yours’ and ‘mine’ (Lando and Max F) thrown around about the women. Max F brings up that Lando ‘tried to steal mine (Max F’s)’. Lando refutes this, and Max F looks more upset and says repeatedly that he does not want to ‘have this conversation’ with Lando. Lando continues on, referring to the girls as ‘the [descriptor]’, i.e. “the old one?”; “the top golf one?” and “I did not try to steal that one.” 

The other streamer appears to take issue with this, saying ‘that one?”, and Max F adds “can we stop talking about it like that?” and doubles down and tells Lando to stop the conversation. 

How people have interpreted it: This is the more egregious clip; people took offense at how the women were spoken about (’yours’, ‘mine’), the implications that they can be ‘stolen’, and how Lando referred to them as ‘the [descriptor]’. Some also interpreted Max F’s it as referring to a girl. This all leads into the perception that Lando and Max F were objectifying the women and talking about them in terms of conquests (presumably sexual). 

How I interpreted it: I think Lando and Max F were quite disrespectful in how they were talking about the women, more so Lando because he continued with the conversation (in a public stream) despite Max F telling him to stop. It does sound like ‘locker room banter’ about relationships, which is still, ultimately, misogynistic, immature, disrespectful, and inappropriate, especially in a public stream. 

What I don’t get is how ‘the/that [descriptor]’ was taken as intentional and malicious objectifying, and how the ‘it’ was referring to a woman and not the entire situation. 

3. ‘Cowboy’

https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_qqbq6nhmZR1y0rtc3.mp4

How I’d describe it: The clip starts in the middle off in-game banter, with Lando asking Max F if has any other digs at him, to which Max F replies that he does have ‘plenty off digs’ at Lando. Lando brings up ‘cowboy’ as an apparent dig, to which Max F retorts is ‘not a dig’, but was ‘brilliant’ and ‘very good’ for Lando. The Toy Story reference of ‘there’s a snake in my boot!’ is brought up, to which someone says ‘not the only snake, haha’ in a mock-jokey voice. 

How people have interpreted it: There’s probably more backstory to this in previous streams, as OP mentioned. Some have taken issue with, again, discussing personal situations involving a third party (OP has mentioned that the nickname ‘cowboy’ is in reference to a woman). Some also claimed that the nickname ‘cowboy’ is a sex position, so took offense to how it sounded like Lando and Max F nicknamed a woman they knew after a sex position, then openly talked about her in a public stream. Some said the nickname was from the woman’s social media handle, which had a cowboy emoji. 

How I interpreted it: This one is weird. I have no idea what the context is. I have no idea how people came to the conclusion that ‘cowboy’ was a sex position. Is the ‘snake’ in reference to male genitalia? I don’t know? I have no interpretation of this other than things without context always sound so weird. There’s entire twitter accounts about shows and podcasts lines taken out of context, which just sounds bizarre. 

4. ‘Reward’

https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_qqbfwzG9GC1wg3eue_720.mp4

How I’d describe it: I’m not sure if I can describe it without transcribing the whole thing or putting my own interpretation / narrative here. It’s a public stream, sure, but it sounds as coherent as a bit of disjointed conversation you’ve eavesdropped on (To me, anyway. I’m not being obtuse on purpose maybe I’m just dim).  

Clip starts with Lando and Max F sounding very amused with something, with Lando telling Max F about an encounter(?)/incident(?)with ‘cowboy’, referencing ‘rounds’ (round 2… round 6). There’s more banter, Max F saying he was ‘worried’ that Lando was talking about someone else, that he will whatever Lando is doing is ‘good for [him]’, and is ‘healthy’. 

Lando says it was “bit boring, really”, to which Max F says ‘oh, 100%, yeah waffle. Complete and utter waffle’ and “gotta do you what you gotta do, listen to her sometimes you know what I mean? Sacrifices do bring on great things.”

How people have interpreted it: Essentially, Lando is telling Max F about his hookups with ‘cowboy’ (the rounds being, well, rounds of hookups). Lando is saying that being with ‘cowboy’ is a bit boring, but Max F saying that Lando has to make sacrifices (his time? listening to boring conversation (’waffle’)?) in order to maintain said hookup partner. The takeaway was that Lando and Max F discussed sexual encounters with a woman (’cowboy’) on public stream, called her ‘boring’, and implied that she should only be listened to in context of getting a hookup is disrespectful. Many were disgusted. 

Some, perhaps not having watched the clip, attributed the ‘sacrifices for women’s attention / sexual gratification from women’ comment to Lando. Others are angry and disappointed that Lando did not speak up against the comment, which indicates that he too is complicit with the notion that women should only be listened to for sexual gratification. 

How I interpreted it: There’s a lot of innuendo here and ‘keywords’ that are attributed to sex and hookups (i.e. ‘rounds’ being hookups / rounds of sex; Max F’s implication that the many rounds (6) are ‘healthy’, a common description for sexual activity as being a healthy part of the human experience.) So, yes, I’ll believe that they’re most likely talking about their sex life. Why did I use so many words to come to that conclusion, and not just say ‘they are talking about their sex life’ out of the bag? Because that was my thought process so idk what to tell you other than what I did. Maybe it’ll come across as being apologetic and intentionally obtuse, who knows. 

Without the context, it’s not going to be very obvious.

So if I’m taking it as their conversation about sex, then the “sacrifices do bring on great things,” will very heavily imply that Lando has to have boring conversations with ‘cowboy’ for sex. Let’s be clear, this is a very disrespectful and demeaning take. It’s also unfortunately a very common one that’s thrown around everywhere in media, among immature men (young or old, lets be real). It’s also very normalized, so I get when people say they find it ‘normal’ or ‘typical’. This doesn’t excuse the comments or topic of conversation. 

On the other hand, I can also see a POV that Max F may have said things ironically or sarcastically, since it is a sentiment often used (women are nags) and both Lando and Max F are known to be sarcastic, dramatic, and dry at times. This is a reach to the other end of the ‘harmless banter’ spectrum, but without context, maybe it’s possible.

Still don’t know why ‘cowboy’ is necessarily a nickname derived from a sex position. 

Part 4

[abybweisse]

Nothing against anon but.. The undertaker n Cluadia being lovers is just so overly hinted on imo it’s a stretch to say they aren’t

I don’t even like the ship personally, I enjoyed Undertaker better when he was less lovey doveY BUT don’t change the fact all signs point to the fact he was lovers w/Cluadia or to be more exact EXTREMELY close w/her

I don’t think he had any actual blood kids w/her, that also seems like a stretch imo, there really isn’t any real evidence to back that up, and I agree it’s unlikely Vincent was him+Claudia’s son

It seems more likely he simply feels very connected to him as he IS Cluadias son, whom is assumed to have been his lover, same for Ciel

Idrk I just think it don’t make entire sense for him to have not been lovers w/Cluadia bc it seems crucial to the plots development-I hate that it is, but it seems like a fact 2 me

Wait, what?

For one thing, which anon are you talking about? Because I agree with the anon who read some ig thread and asked for my opinion. That anon and I seem to agree that not only is Undertaker probably Cedric, but that would make him the father of both Vincent and Frances/Francis.

I, for one, wholeheartedly believe Undertaker is Cedric K. Ros— and the father of Vincent and Frances/Francis.

And there are pieces of evidence to provide of that now. Put them together, and it does become rather compelling.

Undertaker’s striking moment of mourning for Vincent. Undertaker cries over Vincent’s death in front of Diedrich. Right in front of Vincent’s best friend and confidant. I don’t think Yana-san would have Undertaker cry like that about the death of someone else’s son, even if he was involved with the guy’s mother or in love with her. I mean, I do see parallels between Undertaker and Snape, and Snape wanted to help Harry because of his love for Harry’s mother, Lily. He even (somewhat appropriately) took the blame for Lily’s death. But Snape never shed tears for what happened to James or Harry. Only Lily. (Always.) So, I see Vincent’s death as a personal loss for Undertaker, not simply because he was her son, but because he was their son.

Undertaker’s embarrassing remarks to Frances/Francis. She is trying to downplay how they even know each other, but Undertaker not only calls her by her maiden name (in front of her husband) but also comments he recalls her birth like it was yesterday. It’s not just a comment about how 30-something years means nothing to him; it’s a suggestion he was present at her very birth. And she knows it. But her husband doesn’t. And she’s freaking sweating bullets over the whole confrontation. Because, somehow, she has become too embarrassed by him... as her father.

Undertaker’s resemblances to Cloudia/Claudia’s offspring. Yana-san tweeted that 1. not only are Vincent and Frances/Francis full siblings, but 2. Edward physically takes after his mom, and she physically takes after Cedric K. Ros—. There are numerous posts on here (I’ve reblogged some of them from their OP’s and have written about it, too) showing just how much Frances/Francis and Edward physically look like Undertaker. And similarities between how they carry themselves, position their bodies, move, etc. Same for Vincent and Undertaker, not so much in physical looks but regarding how they carry themselves, and so on, too... which shows a different side to Undertaker — one of leisure and a hint of laziness. Then you have Frances/Francis’ and Lizzie’s formidable talents and skills with sword fighting. You can even toss in Edward’s ability to perfect techniques he’s learned from others. And let’s not forget the adorable baby hairs at the napes of necks: we see it early-on for Frances/Francis and Lizzie, and when we get to Weston we see it for Undertaker, too. These are shared physical or other traits that we are being presented with, and most of it’s pretty subtle, particularly if looked at separately. However, put them all together, and a pattern of inheritance forms.

Undertaker’s and Cedric’s mysteries. If Undertaker isn’t Cedric K. Ros—, there is no need to cover up Cedric’s last name and the years of his birth or death. No need to emphasize that Undertaker has been a reaper for easily over a century. No need for Yana-san to have him go by his registration number, and for even someone like Othello to not know his actual name. No need to toss in all these little parallels between Undertaker and Cedric of Rotherwood from Ivanhoe, which the name Cedric was coined for... or for Undertaker/136649 to attack the reaper HQ around the same time Ivanhoe was first published. If that’s all one huge red herring, then it’s overdone....

I’m sure there’s more I should have included here, but I should be asleep right now... and this isn’t the sort of ask I was accepting, either. I went ahead and replied because this one is easy enough to reply to.

[technetiumai]

Whenever I see these posts on my dash, I just get really sad. So I thought I’d try to think that through, I guess.

First, if you’re giving the OP and rebloggers the benefit of the doubt, it seems like the goal is to inform people who do not understand how tumblr works, and might think that it works in similar ways to other social media sites, that it is different, and these are the things to keep in mind when using it.

And that’s fair enough; I’ll admit that I didn’t used to know how it worked.

But I think my problem is that, if the goal is truly to inform and therefore get people to use tumblr in a way that is more conducive to its survival, that this has never felt like what these posts were trying to do. It feels like they’re trying to shame people. Which is, psychologically speaking, a terrible tact for getting someone to do what you want them to do. 

I reblog what I can. I have had social anxiety disorder, as well as ADHD (which I mention because it often brings with it rejection sensitive dysphoria) since childhood, and there are ways that these things have rewired my brain that even my recent placement on what feel like miracle drugs cannot touch. I have to really work with my brain to be allowed some of the most basic interpersonal interactions, and there are some things that I simply can’t do, even if I know that it would be better for the platform. 

So, these posts make me feel ashamed; they make me feel like I am not the kind of person who can use the platform as intended and that I, therefore, do not belong here. (I mean, some people even say that. “What are you doing here?”). They do not give me information that I don’t already have or even act as helpful reminders of things I may have forgotten. They do not make me want to reblog more content. They make me feel like I shouldn’t be here. They make me want to leave. (Which, again, does actually seem like some peoples’ goal, so… it’s working, I guess.)

I do what I can. What I can do, when I push myself, is reblog things that I would have posted if I had thought to make them, and if I were braver---things that feel like me. What I can do is reblog the occasional thing where I feel I have something to add. And sometimes I can reblog things that I really like that my friends are doing. What I can do is ‘like’ all of the things that my friends are doing, not because I mistakenly think it will help an algorithm push their stuff out there, but so that I can say to people in this small little way “I’m here, and I hear you.” Maybe I can’t be a megaphone for you, but I can be part of an applause. Which may not be enough to “save tumblr”, but I hope it’s enough for the specific people who I share this corner of tumblr with while we’re still here, because it is the best I can do.

I just can’t help but feel that some of the people that these posts are calling out are also doing what they can. And I really don’t think it’s fair for people to act like, if tumblr fails, the guilt over that is something the socially anxious and shy need to carry on their shoulders. 

For some people reblogging *is* more difficult than liking. (Which, to me at least, makes sense, because---as the people posting these things have stated---they are in fact two different things.) You not understanding that feeling, doesn’t mean that it isn’t real. And no one should have to be defending the things that make them anxious to you, let alone have you reply saying that those things aren’t valid. In the comments the OP talks about how if people want to lurk and not interact, why are they being so loud about it? This being a rare thing that people are reacting to isn’t necessarily a sign that they are more willing to interact than they think they are, it is a sign that they feel they are being attacked.

I’m probably just setting myself up to be just another person told to get over it and that there’s nothing hard about reblogging, but…I don’t know, I really just wanted to say that I think, if you are coming at this with the best of intentions, it might help you to know that for some people, or at least one person, this is what it feels like. It feels like shame, which truly is one of the worst ways to go about doing pretty much anything. There’s almost always a better way.

Now, let’s see if my anxiety will let me reblog this.

seeing a lot of "why would i reblog anything i don't have something to add" like

sir this is the user-circulated content site

[randomxreaders]

The Secret

Scene from when they talk about losing their v cards from greys reader lost it to JJ then JJ comes into hospital hurt then the rest of the outer banks squad comes in and yea. By the way I don't own any of these characters and let me know if you would like a part 2. :)

TW: implied sex,cursing,mentions of surgery 

“So, Karev, how old were you your first time” Jackson asked “fifthteen. School nurse, back of her car” Alex replied. “Fifthteen? That's impressive.” “When I was sixteen she taught me how to drive that same car”  Alex quipped back while Meredith laughed. “Sophomore in high school Paul Waxman, had absolutely no idea what he was doing.” Meredith shared. “Junior prom, Sarah Richardson and Penny Caraway, together. I knew exactly what I was doing.” Jackson also shared while Alex whistled at him. Then Cristna perked up “ Nineteen” “Nineteen?” Alex questioned. “Mm-hmm. I was very focused on my studies. It was my chem T.A He was a whole head shorter than me but… Man, he was smart.” Y/N and Meredith chuckled at Cristina. Everyone turned to face Y/N waiting for you to share. “Ok,ok. JJ Maybank I was sixteen. We hooked up in the library at school, dated a little after, saw him in vegas a few years ago and haven't seen him since.” “M-hmm not bad Y/L/N. What about you, April?” Jackson asked. “I’m not talking about this. It was a private-private memory.” April stuttered. “What happened? Did the guy die?” Karev asked. Y/N slapped his arm telling him to stop while laughing under her breath “Alex!” Meredith quipped. “Oh, did it last, like, three seconds, so you don’t know if it counted?” Cristina asked. April scoffed “No” “Mm-hmm.” Cristina replied. “Uh, It was on the beach at sunset. It was beautiful.” April stammered out. Meredith let out a quick laugh “Sunset?” Jackson asked. “Yeah.” April replied slowly, “Really? Weren't, weren't there people there?” Jackson said. “Oh. on the beach? Man, you get sand up in places you don’t wanna get sand.” Cristina added on Y/N let out a laugh. “Mosquitoes” Alex also added “Oh don’t forget the crabs!” Y/N giggled out. “Mm-hmm yeah.” Cristina replied to your comment “ HA! You're a virgin.” Alex shouted “No, I'm not.” April shouted back. “Oh my god. You are!” Cristina said happily “OH, MY GOD. Do it to her right now. Alex deflower her. Do it. Do it.” Cristina edged on Alex with laughter flowing throughout the background. After everyone settled down Meredith said “April, the beach at sunset is very nice.” A loud laughter flew out of Y/N and Cristina. Then Y/L/N and Greys pagers went off. “Well duty calles.”

 “What do we got?” Y/N asked as she put her gloves on. “John Doe, car slid into a light pole on the highway.” The paramedics said. “Alright we got a cracked skull, broken left leg and arm, and some Internal bleeding” Y/N rattled off “someone page neuro.” Grey shouted while you moved the man into trauma one. “Alright we need to get him into surgery.” Shepherd said.

   While in the OR Y/L/N and Torres worked on fixing the leg, Bailey and Grey worked on the eternal bleeding, and Shepherd was fixing his skull and checking for brain damage.

                                                                     1.5 Hours Later

  “Alright I’m going to go update the family” Bailey said while leaving the OR. 30 minuets later Callie and I were done. “Y/L/N, go update the family” Torres said. Y/N nodded as they were scrubbing out, grabbing the chart while walking to the waiting room. “Family for…” they pause while looking over the chart seeing the name they knew all too well, a name from the past, a name they were talking about hours ago, a name that knew all their secrets and held a big one. They cleared their throat “Family for JJ Maybank” They squeaked out. “Um, we are” Their eyes connected with familiar dark brown as they used to be bestfriends. “Y/N?” Pope's voice cracked suddenly three more sets of eyes met yours, you froze seeing John B, Sarah,Kiara and Pope. They all looked the same but slightly older. “H-hey guys” Y/N chirped out “What the hell Y/N you're a doctor!” Kiara asked, proud but surprised. “Um yeah so JJ is stable but he can’t have any visitors yet,but he can in a few hours.” After you head to the resident lounge.

‘What the fuck” John B said then asked “Their a doctor?” ”Well they did go to med-school” Sarah said. “Why haven't they talked to us is over ten years”Kiara said hurt “They contacted me, not a lot but we kept tabs on each other ya know” Pope said “What the hell Pope” all of them said “why didn’t you tell us” Sarah question “I-I-I don’t know”

                                                            Meanwhile

   While doing my evening rounds JJ woke up. “Well,well,well if it isn't Y/N Y/L/N come to see me wifey.” JJ smirked “Hey, That's Dr.Y/N Y/L/N.” You smirked back “And stop calling me wifey, I’m gonna go get the others I’ll be right back.” As Y/N headed out to get the gang she was stopped by Meredith “Hey did our John Doe wake up?” “Yep” Y/N said shakily. “What's wrong” Mer questioned. “It’s JJ Maybank, he one I was telling you guys about earlier” “Omg the guy you lost your virginity to!” “Yeah, but one more thing I might also be his wife.” Y/N said leaving Meredith shocked. “You're what!” Meredith yelled drawing the attention from bystanders. “Ok I’m going to go talk the the family and then we will finish this conversation later” Y/N left leaving Meredith shocked. 

“Family for JJ Maybank” Y/N called out. “Hey, Y/N/N how is he?” John B asked worried “ He is awake so you guys can finally see him, just follow me” Y/N said cheerfully. While heading to JJ’s room Y/N’s eyes connected with Mer’s “Dr. Y/L/N, can I speak with you privately?” Mer asked looking at at the faces behind you. “Yeah sure, um his room is right there” Y/N said turning to the others. “What do you mean you’re married, and to our patient!” Meredith whisper shouted at you. While walking by Derek heard the mention of the patient “Oh did our John Doe wake up?” He said “Yeah he did except our John Doe is Y/N’s secret husband” Mer replied “Whoa secret husband?” Derek questioned. “Yea we got married when we were 19 in vegas it was an accident but we haven't really talked about it since and you guys are the only people who know, so please don't tell anyone.” Y/N rambled out. “Alright well we need to do a post-op checkup.” Derek commented while trying to process everything. “Yeah ok.” Y/N whispered out. “ Ok, we have JJ Maybank came in with a broken left leg and arm, cracked skull and internal bleeding. Me and Torres fixed the leg and put a cast on the arm, Dr.Grey and Bailey took care of the internal bleeding and Dr.Shepherd fixed your skull.” Y/N finished reading off the chart. “Damn wifey you fixed my leg and arm that's pretty badass.” JJ commented while Shepherd and Grey gave you shared glances.”Ok you should be able to go home today we just need you and who will be taking care of you at home to sign the discharge papers.” Grey told JJ. “Yo Y/N will you take care of me after I get discharged” Y/N tried to say something but JJ interrupted before they could get out their comment, “ya know since you're my wife and all!” JJ exclaimed excitedly. The room fell silent as everyone tried to process the news of the formal power couple now being married. 

I hope you all liked this thank you sooooo much for reading let me know if there is someone from grey,outer banks, or criminal minds or maybe even a cross over you would like! Oh also let me know if you would like a part 2 to this story :)