#somehow managed to write through extreme emotions
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Checklist
Dec. 1st ꣑ৎ Silver Bells (You insist on decorating the tree with Coryo)
Dec 2nd ꣑ৎ Evergreen (The first snowfall with Billy)
Dec 5th ꣑ৎ Stocking Stuffer (You and Alex determine who's naughty and who's nice)
Dec 9th ꣑ৎ Cookie Cutters (Building a gingerbread house with modern Finnick)
Dec 12th ꣑ৎ Ice Dance (You and Coryo get caught in a storm)
Dec 13th ꣑ৎ Mistletoe Kisses (Figuring out Christmas cards with Alex)
Dec 16th ꣑ৎ River (On the run with the love of your life, you try to convince yourself that Christmas doesn't matter. Billy has other plans)
Dec 17th ꣑ৎ absolute heart wrenching billy angst
Dec 19th ꣑ৎ Snowflakes and Sand Dollars (You and Finnick wake up to find snow on the beach)
Dec 22nd ꣑ৎ The Road Not Taken (Alex was your first real love and your first real heartbreak. So why have your parents invited him to their holiday party?)
Dec 24th ꣑ৎ Candy Cane Mocktails (Christmas gala with Coryo)
Dec 25th ꣑ৎ Tied With a Ribbon (Christmas with Billy, Fish, and Willow)
#DONE WITH ALL THE 12DAYS <3 <3#it's been a journey#somehow got them all out in time#somehow managed to write through extreme emotions#I hope they're all good hehe <3
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Pardonnez-moi, Monsieur!- Solivan brugmansia x Yan!G.N Reader! (Part 3!)
The kid at the back is a 18+ visual novel Minors don't interact!
Words: 10000
Genre: Yandere-(Self aware yandere won the poll)
(Reader is G.N)
Summary: You’ve become consumed by your obsession with Solivan Brugmansia. What started as innocent curiosity quickly spiraled into a fixation. He started it and you began to stalk him, learning every detail about his life. You felt a sick sense of satisfaction in making Sol’s world safer while growing increasingly delusional about your connection with him. Your love for him deepens as you fantasize about the future, convinced that you are the one who truly understands him—better than anyone else. Despite the line between reality and obsession blurring, you remain certain: Sol is yours, even if he doesn’t know it yet.. You're his and he's yours...
Trigger Warning: This content contains themes of obsessive behavior, stalking, manipulation, mental instability, and delusional thinking, Drugging, Yandere?, Hopeless in love for attention Please read with caution.
Obsessive behavior: The reader becomes dangerously fixated on someone, bordering on stalking and delusion.
Manipulation: The reader engages in schemes to control or harm others, often through deception.
Mental illness: Delusional thinking, possible dissociation from reality, and unhealthy fixation on someone.
Violence: There are references to bullying, physical harm, and emotional manipulation.
Emotional abuse: Both in terms of how the protagonist manipulates others and how they might internalize toxic behaviors.
Stalking: The reader watches and follows the person they are obsessed with.
EXTRA: He's a character from a game named The kid at the back!! Note, The relationship presented here between sol and reader is extremely toxic!! In no way, Just because I'm writing doesn't mean I support this kind of toxicity. Note, It's okay to like sol if you know the flaws and don't be a blind eye on them! Again, I don't support his actions etc! If you hate sol ignore this.
Somehow you managed to talk with Sol, Thank Hyugo- THO, He tried to kill you.
Of course, you're gonna complain.
You managed to strike up a normal conversation with Sol, and now he’s explaining the so-called assignment Mr. Professass (Professor) gave.
“Let’s use your face as an example,” he says with a sly grin.
“There, you’re making a cute expression right now—that can be considered expressionism.”
You blinked at his compliment, momentarily stunned. Sol seemed to know a lot about art, effortlessly weaving the concept into the conversation.
“Oh! Expressions! That’s easy! I used to draw a lot of yo—” You stopped mid-sentence, coughing to cover your sudden slip. Sol raised an eyebrow at you, his expression a mix of curiosity and mild amusement. How could he act so normal, like nothing ever fazed him?
“Was your friend good at art?” You asked, smoothly steering the conversation.
“Friend? Oh… you mean Hyugo. He ditched me at the last minute for some family business. He never talks about them, and I don’t pry.”
You nodded, a flicker of endearment softening his sharp features despite the faint annoyance in his tone. “He seems loud.”
“He did say sorry for dragging me into his mess—making me take his place and all.” You waved it off with a small smile. “But honestly, he’s a good guy. The best wingman, really.”
For a brief moment, you observed Sol closely. He rambled on about Hyugo, shaking his head as if exasperated, but there was a lingering warmth in his voice that betrayed his true feelings.
“Our first meeting wasn’t exactly ideal,” you said suddenly, cutting into the moment.
Sol paused mid-thought and tilted his head. “Oh? That’s…” His cheeks reddened slightly.
“I didn’t mean that chair situation,” you teased, leaning back. “I’m talking about your blue Jolly Rancher of a friend. That little menace tried to kill me with a pocket knife.”
The confession spilled out so quickly you almost laughed, but the expression on Sol’s face turned from confusion to shock—and then worry.
“Wait, seriously?” he asked, leaning closer. “Are you okay?”
You nodded, trying to downplay it. “It’s fine, really. I’m sure he won’t do it again.”
But Sol wasn’t convinced. His expression darkened slightly, an uncharacteristic seriousness in his voice. “I’ll talk to him. Thank you for telling me, Y/N. I’ll make sure he doesn’t pull anything like that again.”
“There’s no need for that!” you insisted, waving your hands in reassurance. “I’m sure it’s all water under the bridge now.”
Even so, Sol didn’t look entirely convinced. His determination to address the issue was kind of… cute. Watching him brood over it made your heart skip, a warmth pooling in your chest.
You pulled out your sketchpad on a whim and began doodling Sol’s expressions—the way his brows furrowed when he was deep in thought, the subtle pout tugging at his lips.
“Would you believe me if I told you Hyugo’s one of the top students in the entire class but is always missing in action?” Sol asked suddenly, breaking your focus.
“Probably busy with… uh… family stuff?” you guessed, barely glancing up as your pencil danced across the page.
“Yeah, something like that,” he muttered before noticing your scribbling. His gaze shifted to your sketchpad, and he leaned in curiously.
“Wait, were you drawing me this entire time?” Sol asked, his voice laced with both surprise and suspicion.
“Me? No, of course not!” you lied, trying to shield the sketchpad from view.
“Liar,” he said with a pout that nearly made your heart combust.
“Aww, come on, it’s not a big deal, Sullivan!”
“As in that monster from…?”
“Sorry, Sol.” You grinned sheepishly, attempting to cheer him up, but his exaggerated pout only grew more dramatic.
And for the millionth time that day, your heart had died from his unintentional charm.
You found yourself lost in the moment, staring at your sketchpad and then at Sol. A small, almost creepy smile crept onto your lips as you tilted the page toward him.
“You’re really cute,” you said softly, almost absentmindedly.
Sol blinked, his mouth opening slightly in shock.
You leaned closer, pointing to one of the sketches. “Like, look at this one. That little furrow in your brow when you’re annoyed? Adorable. And here!” You flipped to another. “This one, where you’re mid-smirk? It’s like you’re plotting something, but it’s so soft at the same time. And this one…”
You kept going, your voice trailing into near-obsessive detail about every single expression you’d captured. The way his lips curved when he was amused. The slight tilt of his head when he was curious. The barely-there pout when he was annoyed. Each word only made the lovesickness in your voice more obvious.
You caught yourself—barely—and let out a sheepish laugh, trying to backpedal. “I mean… Sol, you’re just… really cute, okay?” You smiled, hoping to play it cool, but the way your heart pounded in your chest wasn’t helping.
Sol stared at you, his face quickly turning an intense shade of red. He looked like he wanted to say something, but the words just… weren’t coming.
Instead, he sat there, completely speechless. His ears burned red as he glanced between you and the sketchpad, frozen in place.
You leaned back, smirking as you tried to hide how flustered you were. “What, no snarky comeback? Cat got your tongue?”
Sol looked away quickly, burying his face in his hands with a muffled groan.
Your heart sank as you realized you might have overdone it. Sol was still red, his hands covering his face, and for a moment, he seemed smaller than his usual confident self.
“Ah, I—” you stammered, your voice softer now. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to come off, uh, intense or anything.” You rubbed the back of your neck awkwardly, looking down at your sketchpad like it was a guilty accomplice. “I just… got carried away. You’re really cool, Sol, and I—”
You cut yourself off, biting your lip. You didn’t want to scare him off. Sol wasn’t like this when he was around other people. It was rare to catch him vulnerable like this—unguarded. And now you were worried you might’ve ruined it by being too much.
“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” you added quickly, your voice almost a whisper.
Sol finally lowered his hands, his expression unreadable for a second. His gaze flickered to you, then to the sketchpad, and back again. He blinked a few times, his blush still lingering.
“You… didn’t scare me,” he said, his voice quieter than usual. “I just… wasn’t expecting that.”
You froze, not entirely sure how to respond.
He glanced away, rubbing the back of his neck this time, mirroring your earlier nervousness. “I mean, it’s not every day someone… notices things like that about me.”
Your heart skipped a beat. He wasn’t mad. He wasn’t pulling away.
“Still,” you said with a soft chuckle, trying to lighten the mood, “I’ll tone it down. Promise. You’re just… interesting to draw, that’s all.” You paused before adding, “And, uh, to talk to. If that wasn’t obvious.”
For a moment, the awkward tension melted away. Sol leaned back slightly, still blushing but less defensive now. “Just… don’t let Hyugo see those sketches, okay? I’ll never hear the end of it.”
“Deal,” you said with a laugh, relieved that the moment hadn’t ruined anything. If anything, it felt like you’d taken a step closer to understanding him—the real Sol, beneath all the bravado.
Sol leaned back in his chair, his usual cool demeanor cracking just a bit. "Alright, who's going first? You sketching me, or am I sketching you?"
You grinned, already pulling out your sketchbook and a charcoal pencil. "Guess that answers your question."
He raised a brow. “Want me to pose or something?”
“Nah, just sit however you want. It’s fine.” You waved him off casually, but your focus sharpened as you scanned his face, taking in every detail.
The way his jet-black hair fell in a soft cascade over his shoulders, streaked with green that caught the light just right—it was mesmerizing. His bangs framed his face, that one streak cutting down the middle and drawing attention to his eyes. And those eyes, with their burning orange inner ring fading to crimson at the edges, like embers glowing in a dying fire, they were impossible to look away from. His jawline was sharp but not harsh, balanced by the soft curve of his lips, which always seemed to rest in a mix of a pout and a smirk.
He was... handsome. And you couldn’t help but stare.
Too long, apparently.
Sol turned his head suddenly, catching you red-handed. His expression twisted into something flustered, and he turned away,
"Eyes on me!"
Sol blinked, jolted out of his daze. “Oh—sorry. I’m, uh, not used to staring at someone for that long.”
You tried to laugh it off, but your voice came out awkward. "“You know, just your boring face and all.” I got it! My face is boring!"
Sol turned back toward you, his cheeks tinged pink as he gave you a shy glance. “Your face isn’t boring,” he muttered, almost too softly for you to hear. “It’s… more… beautiful.”
Your heart slammed against your chest. Heat flooded your cheeks, and for a moment, you felt like you might combust on the spot. You stared at him, utterly frozen, the charcoal pencil trembling slightly in your hand.
Oh my god, I’m dying. This is it. I’m dying. Again. For the millionth time.
You tried to recover, puffing out your cheeks in mock frustration to defuse the tension. “Nope. Not doing this. You’re not allowed to be cute while I’m trying to work.”
Sol smiled—really smiled—and it was devastating. Soft, genuine, and just shy enough to make your heart stutter.
And then, as if to finish you off completely, you almost missed the way his eyes lingered on you. They were hazy, love-drunk, filled with something dangerously soft and unspoken.
Oh, you sick bastard, Sol, you thought, trying not to let your face give away the chaos in your head. I love you for that.
You started sketching, letting the charcoal glide over the paper with care that bordered on reverence. Each stroke of the pencil became a quiet obsession, capturing the slight arch of his brow, the curve of his jaw, the sharp bridge of his nose that added so much character to his face.
Your fingers moved instinctively, but your mind was a storm.
This won’t be enough.
You paused, glancing up at him again. His face was relaxed, but there was a faint curiosity in his eyes as he tried to stay still for you. That softness in his expression—it was the kind that sent a thrill down your spine. It wasn’t just a face you wanted to draw; it was him.
Your chest tightened. No amount of sketches could ever capture him fully. His little mannerisms, the way his lips twitched slightly when he was lost in thought, how his lashes cast shadows across his cheekbones when he glanced away—how could charcoal and paper ever do justice to that?
No drawing will ever be enough until I get you. All of you.
You swallowed hard, your pencil slowing for a moment as you scanned his face again, letting your gaze linger just a second too long. His expression shifted slightly—was that a flicker of unease? Or maybe curiosity?
You smiled softly, trying to mask the possessive edge in your thoughts. “Sorry. Just trying to get it perfect.”
Sol tilted his head, his lips twitching into a small smirk. “Take your time. Not like I’m going anywhere.”
Oh, you’re not. Not now, not ever.
The thought burned in your chest as you leaned closer, focusing on the details. The dip of his collarbone where it peeked from his shirt, the way his hair caught the faint light from the window, framing his face like a portrait already waiting to be hung. Your pencil moved with an almost feverish precision, each stroke pulling you deeper into your fixation.
And yet, it still wasn’t enough.
You let out a shaky breath, glancing up at him one more time. He caught your gaze this time, and his eyes softened. “How’s it going?”
“Fine,” you murmured, your voice quieter than you meant it to be.
But in your mind, a different answer screamed: It’s not enough. I need more.
You quickly looked back at your sketchpad, your cheeks burning, hoping the intensity of your thoughts wasn’t plastered all over your face.
The bell rang, slicing through the quiet moment between you and Sol. You startled slightly, realizing how much time had passed, and quickly closed your sketchbook.
"Alright, we’re done for now," you said, tucking the pencil into your bag.
Sol leaned forward, his curiosity practically radiating off him. “Wait—can I at least peek?”
You shook your head firmly. “Nope.”
“Boo,” he said, pouting in a way that almost felt illegal. The exaggerated downturn of his lips, the wide-eyed pleading look—it was devastating.
You sighed heavily, knowing you were no match for that expression. “Fine. Just a peek. But no judging, alright?”
He grinned triumphantly as you opened the sketchbook, angling it toward him. His gaze settled on the page, and for a moment, he didn’t say anything. He just stared.
“Wow,” he finally breathed, his voice low and almost awed. “You… you drew this? Like, just now?”
You tried to play it off, shrugging like it wasn’t a big deal, but your heart raced. “Yeah, it’s just a rough piece. Nothing special.”
His eyes didn’t leave the sketch. “Nothing special? Are you kidding me? It’s—” He paused, his brow furrowing slightly. “It’s perfect. You captured… everything.”
Your chest tightened at his words, but you fought to keep your expression neutral. Instead, you just smiled weakly and looked away, your thoughts a whirlwind. Of course, I captured everything. I’ve drawn you so many times, Sol. In my mind, in my journals. You’re practically etched into my soul.
“It’s not that great,” you muttered, trying to dismiss his praise.
He blinked at you, his expression shifting from awe to disbelief. “No. It’s good. Actually, it’s better than good.”
You opened your mouth to argue, but he shook his head, cutting you off. “It’s better than anything I’ve ever drawn.”
Your eyes widened. “Get the fuck out.”
“No, I’m serious!” he said, looking at you earnestly. “It’s amazing, and—wait, you think I’m talented?”
You froze for a split second, and then words tumbled out of your mouth before you could stop them. “I mean, yeah. Your portrait which I st—uh, think!—is really good.”
You coughed mid-sentence, your throat suddenly dry as panic set in. Sol’s eyes widened, and he immediately jumped up, grabbing a bottle of water from his bag. “Hey, you okay? Here, drink this!”
You took the water, your hands brushing briefly as he handed it to you. His concern was palpable, his orange-red eyes scanning your face. You quickly gulped some water and waved a hand to reassure him. “I’m fine! Just… choked on my words. Literally.”
He frowned, clearly not convinced, but let it go.
You cleared your throat and tried to steer the conversation back. “Anyway, we’ve still got two more works to finish for this project. Let’s… exchange numbers so we can plan things out?”
Sol nodded, pulling out his phone. “Yeah, good idea.”
The exchange was quick, and within moments, your phone buzzed with a message.
Sup.
You stared at it, blinking, before a laugh bubbled out of you. “You type so differently than you talk.”
Sol raised an eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
"Nothing."
You glanced at Sol, who was now scrolling lazily on his phone, and a thought hit you like a freight train. He was so intriguing, so magnetic, but also… so misunderstood.
You couldn’t stop yourself from blurting out, “Y’know, I bet a lot of people mistake you for someone you’re not.”
He looked up, tilting his head curiously. “What do you mean?”
You hesitated, suddenly self-conscious under his gaze. “I mean… you come off as this super confident, kind of aloof guy, but you’re… more than that. People probably don’t take the time to really get you. To understand you.”
His brows furrowed slightly, and you felt your chest tighten. You hadn’t even planned this conversation, but now you were tumbling forward without brakes.
“And I… I want to be that person,” you said, your voice wavering. “I want to understand you, Sol. I want to know the real you. I want us to…” You paused, trying to swallow the lump in your throat. “…to be friends.”
The word friends fell from your lips like a rock, heavy and jagged. It sounded so wrong, so painfully inadequate for how you felt. You wanted to claw it out of the air and burn it before it could reach him. But what else could you say? You couldn’t just ask him to marry you on the first day you’d truly spoken.
Sol blinked, his expression softening. For a moment, you thought you saw a flicker of something deeper in his eyes, but then he smiled.
“So,” he said, leaning forward slightly, “let’s make today the start of something. The start of a wonderful friendship. What do you think, Y/N L/N?”
Your heart shattered into a million pieces.
Friendship?! FRIENDSHIP?! Your inner voice screamed, but outwardly, you managed a bright, almost too-cheerful nod. “Yeah! Of course!”
The smile on your face didn’t match the agony in your chest. You were happy to be close to him—really—but it wasn’t enough. Not when you wanted so much more.
Sol leaned back, his casual demeanor unchanged, you felt your heart breaking all over again. And yet, as painful as it was, you told yourself it was a start.
I’ll take this. For now.
But deep down, you couldn’t ignore the ache that wouldn’t go away. The way the word “friendship” echoed in your mind like a cruel joke. You wanted more, and the thought of settling for less was unbearable. Still, you smiled at him, masking the pain, determined to be patient.
Even if it killed you.
As you stood up, preparing to leave, a strange weight settled in your chest. Sol’s words echoed in your mind, the promise to see each other tomorrow. It was enough to make your heart ache, to feel something stir inside you that you weren’t sure how to handle. The idea of friendship—just friendship—with him made everything seem so much harder.
You gave him a smile, even though it felt like your insides were twisting in pain. “Will we see each other tomorrow? And… if it’s possible, could we hang out?” Your eyes were a little too soft, a little too vulnerable, and you couldn’t bring yourself to look him in the eye for fear of what would spill out.
His expression shifted, that familiar lack of emotion, the calm mask he wore all the time. It was hard to read, hard to decipher, but you didn’t need to. You already knew the answer. His expression was now full of...surprise, he answered faster than you expected!
“Ah! Yes, of course! See you tomorrow.” He gave a small nod, his voice reassuring but distant. You were sure he didn’t feel the same urgency, the same burning desire that you did.
You patted his shoulder, your fingers lingering for just a second longer than necessary. The sensation of his warmth sent a shockwave through you, and you fought to keep your cool. “See you tomorrow, Sol.”
You turned and left.
Your footsteps echoed in the hallway as you walked away, a slight frown pulling at your lips. The walls around you were decorated in some half-hearted Halloween theme—streamers, fake cobwebs, jack-o’-lanterns—but it all felt like a blur. You didn’t care about the decorations or the meaningless chatter around you. Everything felt muted, distant.
Then, as you pulled your phone from your pocket, a text from Crowe appeared, and your stomach twisted.
Crowe: "Waiting for you outside the gate."
It hit you like a punch to the gut. Crowe. Your friend. The one you’d always relied on, the one you cared about deeply. But now… you were torn. Torn between Crowe and Sol, between what had always been familiar and what was now irresistible, unsettling. You couldn’t lie to yourself: having a friendship with Sol was so distracting. Every time you saw him, you couldn’t focus, couldn’t think. It was overwhelming. And it was dangerous.
You cared for Crowe, too, didn’t you? Of course you did. He had always been there for you, your anchor in a sea of chaos. But… when you thought of Sol, when you remembered his gaze, the way he spoke to you, how he looked at you—how he made you feel—you couldn’t deny it anymore.
You stopped in the hallway. Your breath caught in your throat. The truth had become too real.
I’m choosing Sol over Crowe.
The thought was like a blade, cutting deep into your chest. It wasn’t that you didn’t care about Crowe. You did. You always had. But this… what you felt for Sol—this strange, insatiable need to be closer to him, to know him, to feel something more than friendship—was undeniable. Crowe had always been there, but Sol… he was different.
But now, you had a problem. A big problem.
You loved Crowe. Or, at least, you thought you did. And you couldn’t bear the thought of losing him, of him hating you, of him finding out about the way your heart raced when Sol was near. It was so unfair to Crowe, but you had to do it. You had to.
It was painful, but there was no other choice.
You took a deep breath, shaking your head as you walked toward the exit, your heart heavy with the weight of what you had to do. You couldn’t think of Sol anymore. You couldn’t let yourself be distracted.
You had to push Crowe away.
And the only way to do that was to make him hate you.
As the thought settled in your mind, you could feel your stomach churn. It hurt. It really hurt. But this was the only way to make sure you wouldn’t be distracted. To make sure you could stop yourself from falling any deeper.
You reached the gate, and Crowe was standing there, leaning casually against the wall. He looked up as he saw you approach, a smile lighting up his face. It made your chest tighten.
You hated what you were about to do. But you had no choice.
No one ever said love was easy.
It wasn't just for that.
He's watching, He's always is.
Crowe stood there, radiating his usual easygoing confidence. His bag was neatly placed on the ground, his posture upright and casual, arms held behind his back as he tapped his foot in quiet anticipation.
You felt like you were walking in a dream—or maybe a nightmare. Each step toward him was like dragging yourself through thick, suffocating fog. You were broken. Pieces of your heart scattered, and you didn’t even know how to piece them back together. You didn’t know what you were doing, what you even wanted anymore.
You finally reached him, forcing your voice to sound steady. “Crowe… what’s the work?”
Crowe blinked, clearly surprised. “Work?” His eyebrows furrowed, a flicker of concern crossing his face. “No, Y/N… I just wanted to hang out.”
The words stung like a slap, and a pang of guilt twisted in your chest. Just wanted to hang out.
But the words should’ve been comforting, right? Crowe was always like this—sweet, casual, like he cared. He never made things complicated, never put pressure on you, just wanting to spend time with you. And yet… there was that feeling gnawing at you. A feeling you couldn’t shake, no matter how hard you tried.
“I was thinking of taking you somewhere,” he continued, his voice lighter now. “There’s a neat park nearby. It’s a bit quieter. I can lead you there if you want.” His face lit up with excitement, and for a split second, you thought you saw something more.
Why was he so… excited?
Do you think…? No, it can’t be right.
You looked down at your feet, the weight of the situation sinking in. Regret gnawed at you, but you still smiled, trying to push the discomfort away. “Yeah… that sounds nice.”
Crowe grinned, his eyes bright with that familiar warmth. “Great! Let’s go then.”
Take his hand
TAKE HIS ARM
HAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
You bit your lip, trying to find an excuse, any excuse to create distance. You didn’t want to be close to him right now—not when your heart was torn between him and someone else. Not when you couldn’t stop thinking about Sol, and the pain of choosing between them was suffocating.
And then, a solution hit you.
“I’ll carry your bag,” you said quickly, as if the words could erase the guilt already creeping in. You didn’t wait for his protest, picking up the bag and holding it in your hands, keeping it between you and Crowe like a barrier.
He frowned, about to say something. “No, Y/N, you really don’t have to—”
“I insist,” you cut him off, your voice firmer than you felt. “It’s fine. Really.”
You couldn’t let yourself touch him, not right now. Not when your thoughts were so clouded with confusion and desire. You couldn’t let the connection between you two grow any deeper. You had to keep distance, even if it was just a simple gesture like this.
Crowe sighed but didn’t argue, following you with that same concerned look in his eyes.
This is the only way to make sure you won’t get distracted.
You tried not to think too much about how wrong it felt to avoid him like this, but every time you looked at Crowe, your heart sank a little more. He was your friend, your best friend, but the truth was, your feelings were too complicated, too mixed up now.
you walked side by side, the silence between you two felt heavy, suffocating. You tried to focus on the road ahead, telling yourself that this was the right thing to do.
Every step felt like you were walking further away from the person you used to be, a person who hadn’t been so consumed by obsession, by him.
How had it gotten this dark?
You couldn’t ignore the ache in your chest, the constant pull toward Sol. You kept thinking about him—his face, the way his eyes met yours with that unreadable expression, the way your heart had thundered when he leaned in closer, the way he seemed perfect. You hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him, not even for a second, and now—now everything else seemed to fade into the background.
You could almost picture it clearly: Sol, leaning down toward you, his lips just inches away, his eyes so intense as if he could feel what you were feeling. You felt your breath quicken, your heartbeat escalating, imagining the moment you would kiss him, desperate for his touch, for something real—something more.
But then, just as you were about to lose yourself in the fantasy, something yanked you back to reality.
Crowe’s hands were suddenly on your arms, pulling you back from the abyss of your thoughts. His grip was firm but gentle, as if afraid you might break under the weight of your own mind.
“Y/N…” he said, voice low, laced with concern. His eyes searched yours, his gaze soft but full of worry. “You’re… you’re making a really concerning expression right now.”
You blinked, feeling a strange, almost drooling sensation, like you were half there and half lost in some other world. You realized you’d been staring into nothing, your mind completely consumed by the image of Sol.
You couldn’t believe it. You couldn’t believe what was happening to you.
“Y/N, you…” Crowe hesitated, unsure how to put it into words. “You look… almost…” He trailed off, his voice a little shaky. “Disgusting?”
His words hit you like a bucket of ice water. Disgusting?
You felt a pit form in your stomach. What was wrong with you?
But Crowe didn’t leave it at that. He could see the confusion in your eyes, the hurt behind your forced smile, and he gently squeezed your arms. “No, Y/N. Nothing you do is disgusting, okay? Nothing.”
His words were meant to reassure you, but they only added to the chaos in your mind. It was almost like you wanted to believe him, but the truth was too overwhelming. You were becoming obsessed with Sol.
No shit sherlock!
You looked at Crowe, barely able to meet his gaze.
You kept walking, but something inside you pulled back. You felt like you were drifting away, each step carrying you further from reality. You heard Crowe's footsteps pause behind you, and when you turned around, his worried expression stopped you in your tracks. His brow furrowed, his mouth set in a firm line as he studied you.
Without warning, he grabbed your hand, his grip gentle yet insistent.
“I wanted to talk about you maybe trying out with our new friends,” Crowe began, his voice a little too calm, too measured. But there was something in his eyes—a flicker of concern—that made your stomach twist.
But he didn’t stop there. “But I won’t ignore the fact that you’ve been different for the past couple of months… something’s wrong.”
You froze, your heart racing. The evening sky had turned dark, the sun dipping below the horizon. Shadows stretched across the empty street as the quiet evening began to feel suffocating. You didn’t want to hear this. You didn’t want him to see through you.
“Ichabod,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper, as you tried to brush him off. "You’re wasting my time. I told you, I wanted to hang out. I came out for you." Your words sounded cold, distant, like you were trying to push him away. You weren’t sure anymore if you were trying to hide yourself from Crowe or from your own feelings.
Crowe’s eyes hardened, his jaw clenched as anger began to brew beneath the surface. “Tell me what’s really going on.” His voice was tight, almost accusing. “You’ve been acting off for weeks now. Something’s wrong, and you won’t even talk to me about it.”
His words dug deep, and you felt that same uncomfortable pressure in your chest.
You opened your mouth to say something—anything—but nothing came out. The thoughts in your head were too chaotic, too tangled.
“You’re just tired, right?” Crowe asked, his tone softening, but there was still an edge to it. “That’s why you’re being so cold, so distant?”
You didn’t answer. You didn’t know how to. You were exhausted—mentally, emotionally—but that wasn’t the only reason you were like this. The real truth was something you couldn’t even admit to yourself, let alone him. You couldn’t talk about it. You couldn’t say it aloud.
Without waiting for your response, Crowe let out a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck. “Look, we’re heading to the same place, but… this isn’t just to hang out. I’m not going to ignore the fact that you’re acting strange.”
Your heart sank. He had already figured it out.
Crowe’s words were sharper now, almost impatient, as if he was done pretending like everything was fine. “We’re going to talk. Not just waste time. We’re going to talk about what’s going on with you.”
Your body tensed. You felt the pressure of the moment building. You didn’t want to face this. You didn’t want to confront what was happening inside you, because the truth was far more complicated than you were ready to admit.
“I’m fine,” you said quickly, the lie tasting bitter on your tongue.
But Crowe wasn’t buying it. His expression was unreadable, but his grip on your hand remained firm, guiding you forward. You could feel him watching you, analyzing every movement, every word, trying to figure out the truth.
You stood there, staring up at the night sky, your thoughts drifting once again. The stars above were beautiful, too beautiful for what you were feeling. It felt like everything around you was so peaceful, so perfect—but inside, you were falling apart. You couldn’t stop thinking about Sol, the image of him haunting your mind as you pictured him in every corner of your thoughts.
You had to get home. You had to go back. You wondered if he had drugged the food yet, the thought making your stomach churn with an odd mixture of excitement and dread. Sol… you thought.
Why was I always thinking about him?
You chuckled softly to yourself, a laugh that didn’t feel like it belonged to you. The sound was hollow, almost insane in its desperation, and you had no control over it. The more you thought about him, the more you couldn’t stop imagining all the what ifs—what if you could be with him? What if you could make him yours?
You closed your eyes for a moment, the image of Sol’s face appearing before you, his expression warm, inviting, even though it was a fantasy.
You opened your eyes, and it was like you were in a trance. There was Crowe, standing beside you, watching you intently, his gaze sharp and focused. You didn’t notice him at first, lost in your own world, but when you did, you were startled by his expression. He was just standing there, his posture stiff as he watched you with a mixture of confusion and something darker.
His eyes narrowed, almost like he was trying to understand what was going on in your head. It was as if he saw something in you that you didn’t want to admit.
You couldn’t even hide it anymore. You were obsessed. You were lost in thoughts of Sol, and now Crowe could probably see it. He was watching you closely, almost like he was analyzing every move, every flicker of your gaze.
Crowe was silent for a moment, closing his eyes as though trying to calm himself down. He didn’t say anything, and neither did you. There was something heavy hanging between you two, something unspoken that made the air feel thick and suffocating.
You felt like you had been caught, but it wasn’t just about your actions anymore—it was about the part of you that was slipping away, the part of you that was losing its grip on reality. The part of you that was getting too close to Sol. Too obsessed.
You couldn’t even bring yourself to explain it. You couldn’t bring yourself to admit that the only thing on your mind right now was him, and you couldn’t lie to Crowe. But you couldn’t stop.
You were spiraling deeper into this madness, and the more you tried to pull yourself out, the further you fell.
Crowe didn’t speak, but his eyes were still on you, studying you with such intensity. The silence between you two was deafening, and it felt like you couldn’t escape from the weight of the moment. You didn’t know how much longer you could keep pretending everything was fine, because inside, everything was breaking apart.
Finally, Crowe sighed, his voice low and heavy. “Y/N…”
But you didn’t want to hear it. You didn’t want to hear him lecture you about your behavior, about how wrong you were, how obsessive you had become. Because you already knew. You already felt it. And the worst part was that you didn’t care.
You were too far gone.
Crowe coughed, a forced sound that echoed in the silence between you two, and the moment was ruined. The image of Sol, the one you had been fantasizing about just moments before, began to fade as you were pulled back into the present. You clenched your jaw, an unfamiliar anger bubbling up inside of you.
“What?” you snapped, your voice sharper than intended. The irritation was there, raw and unfiltered. He had broken your daydream—your escape.
Crowe, startled by your sudden outburst, looked away, his eyes betraying a hint of confusion and concern. “Y/N… what happened to you?” he asked, his voice softer now, but still laced with that underlying worry.
You immediately shut down, wanting nothing to do with the question. “Nothing’s wrong,” you muttered, your gaze already shifting back toward the stars, seeking refuge in the familiar expanse of the night sky. You sat down on the grass, trying to drown out the noise in your head.
Crowe didn’t stop. He sat beside you, his presence heavy as he continued to ask questions, trying to piece together the puzzle of what was going on with you. But you didn’t want to hear it. You didn’t want to think about it.
You buried yourself in the task of picking at the grass, mindlessly drawing out Sol’s name in the dirt with the tips of your fingers. Sol...
Your eyes softened as you traced the letters, the feeling of love and obsession creeping in once more. You didn’t care if it was unhealthy. You didn’t care that you were losing it. In that moment, Sol was everything.
Then, Crowe’s voice broke through again. “Y/N… I’m talking to you.”
You snapped your head toward him, your patience thinning. “Shut up,” you muttered, the words slipping from your mouth before you could even register them. He had ruined it again. He didn’t understand. He couldn’t understand.
Crowe went silent, and when you looked at him, you saw that his expression had shifted. He looked hurt—surprised, even. But that wasn’t what caught your attention. It was the way he was looking at you, as if he had just realized how different you had become.
Your heart skipped a beat. You knew. You saw it in his eyes, in the way he now regarded you. You were scary.
You suddenly felt that weight pressing down on your chest—the guilt, the realization of what you had just become. Your eyes, the same ones that hadn’t slept properly in days, were dark and haunted. You could feel the darkness inside you swirling, pulling you deeper into this obsession.
You felt the regret hit you like a wave, and without thinking, you..
Crowe’s eyes softened, and there was a painful hesitation in his voice. He looked at you, trying to piece together the person in front of him—the person you used to be. “What happened to you...?” His voice was tinged with sadness, something you had never heard from him before. It was like he was watching a stranger before him, and it made you feel... uncomfortable, uneasy.
You cocked your head slightly, feigning confusion, though deep down you knew exactly what he was getting at. “What do you mean?” you asked, your voice quieter now, as you tried to keep your emotions under wraps.
Crowe ran a hand through his hair, a sigh escaping his lips before he spoke again. “It’s just! Look at you! You’re... nowadays sleep-deprived, always walking away... One of the students even complained to the council that you were... laughing a lot in the restroom. You threatened them to be silent... This isn’t like you...” His voice faltered at the end, as if he were afraid to say too much, afraid of pushing you further.
You shrugged, trying to dismiss it. “Ah, so what?” You could feel the coldness creeping into your tone, but you couldn’t stop it. It wasn’t like you cared anymore.
“I’m not sure who you are anymore...” Crowe's words were heavy, like each one was a weight being pressed onto you. “You used to be a quiet, caring, bookworm artist who liked to listen... and a good child who cared about their father getting their land back. But now...” He trailed off, his voice thick with concern.
You stared at him, your expression hardening. “Ichabod, stop it... Crowe, what’s with you? What are you trying to say?” Your voice cracked slightly with frustration, but you didn’t let it show too much. You weren’t going to let him make you feel guilty, not when everything inside you was already breaking apart.
“You’re not yourself anymore,” he said, his voice quiet now, almost pleading. “Is there a reason...? You’ve become so... cold. Toward me too... You used to...”
The words hit you like a punch to the gut, but you refused to show any sign of weakness. You didn’t want to hear it. “You only know me for what you think,” you said through clenched teeth. “You don’t know me as a person. You don’t have the right to complain.”
Crowe’s face twisted, the hurt evident in his eyes as he took a step closer, his voice trembling. “Complain?! Y/N! I’m someone who cares about you! I’m worried about you!”
You couldn’t stop the bitter laugh that escaped your lips. “Cared?” you spat, the word leaving a bad taste in your mouth. “Don’t make me laugh, Crowe. Didn’t I just say? Friend... friend... friend...” The word felt like a poison on your tongue. You hated it, but you said it anyway.
He was taken aback, the raw emotion in his face faltering as he blinked at you, unsure how to respond. “Then... What am I to you?” His voice was shaky, desperate for an answer.
You looked at him, almost broken, as the answer came to you, something so twisted and bitter you couldn’t help but say it. “You WERE MY savior,” you said, your voice hollow. “A friend.” You looked away quickly, trying to hide the sinking feeling inside you. What have I become?
Crowe stood there for a moment, processing your words, before he shook his head slightly. “Then I guess... I don’t really know who you are anymore, Y/N. What you are...” His voice cracked. "I’m sorry for ruining your day.”
You didn’t know how to feel anymore. His words had hit you harder than anything, but you couldn’t bring yourself to show it. “Yeah, you don’t,” you whispered. Crowe was about to..leave but he held your arm.
Crowe’s grip on your arm tightened, his voice sharp and laced with panic. “What’s wrong with you?” he demanded, his face flushed with a mix of confusion and frustration. “Why are you acting like this? What happened to you?!”
His desperate eyes were searching yours, but all you could feel was anger and suffocating tension. You had enough of his questions, enough of his concern. You had too much of him in your life, and it was beginning to tear you apart. You couldn’t breathe in the face of it anymore.
"Shut up!" you screamed, the words ripping through the silence. "Shut up, Crowe! Just... shut up!"
You yanked your arm away from him, the fire in your chest growing. This wasn’t you, not the person he thought you were. Not anymore. You had changed, and he needed to accept it.
Crowe’s eyes widened in shock, but you couldn’t care less. He didn’t understand. He wouldn’t. You were done trying to explain yourself to someone who couldn’t see the chaos inside your mind.
Suddenly, you grabbed him by the collar, pulling him closer with force, your body trembling with the anger you could no longer suppress. “YOU’RE THE PROBLEM!” you screamed at him, your voice cracking. "YOU distract me, away from my life. You make everything so damn complicated! I want to focus on something, but you keep getting in my way! You make everything harder!"
Tears welled in your eyes, but you fought them back, gritting your teeth. “I DON’T WANT FRIENDS! LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!”
Your breath came in shallow gasps as you shoved him away, forcing yourself to take a step back. You grabbed your bag, clutching it tightly as if it were the last thing keeping you grounded.
Crowe stood frozen, his face pale, looking as if your words had physically struck him. But his voice was quiet, almost resigned. “Have fun with the group of people you’re trying to fix,” you spat bitterly. “But stay the hell away from me. I’m done.”
You turned sharply, your heart hammering in your chest as you walked away, the cold night air hitting your face, but you barely felt it. Your legs carried you without thought, away from Crowe, away from the situation you had created.
“Have fun with your new friends. I’m telling you this now... if you want to live happily... Stay with them. I’m done for.”
And with that, you walked away, your heart torn in two but your mind resolute. You didn’t look back. You couldn’t afford to.
You made it home, the door slamming shut behind you as you staggered into the dimly lit living room. The emptiness felt like it was swallowing you whole, but it was the kind of emptiness you had grown used to. The kind that didn't scream for attention, just quietly gnawed at your soul.
You collapsed to the floor, pulling your knees to your chest as your body shook. The tears came like a dam breaking open—heavy, hot, and relentless. It wasn’t just from the fight with Crowe, not just because of the raw pain in your chest. No, it was because you had to do it. You had to push him away, had to convince yourself that you hated him. You had to protect him.
It wasn’t like you didn’t care about Crowe; it was the opposite. You cared too much. And that kind of care was dangerous when you had someone like Sol watching you from the shadows, his jealousy like a burning fuse ready to snap at any moment. You had seen it, the way he watched Crowe, the way his eyes hardened whenever his name was mentioned.
Sol could never find out about Crowe. If Sol knew, he would kill him—you were sure of it. And that couldn’t happen. Not while you still had this insane, twisted obsession with Sol. The last thing you wanted was to lose the only person who made you feel something in this chaotic mess of emotions.
and to be peaceful with sol.
You wiped your eyes with the back of your hand, taking a shuddering breath as you reached for the small pile of things you had been hiding in your bag. It was a strange collection: a piece of bandage you had stolen from the nurse’s office, a pencil Sol had left on his desk, a scrap of paper with a doodle of his—just things, little things. But to you, they were treasures. They were all you had left of him.
Hugging them to your chest, you buried your face in the soft bandage. His scent lingered faintly on it, something sharp and comforting. The smell of Sol. The smell of everything you wanted. It calmed the storm inside your head, at least for a moment.
Your mind wandered, thoughts growing hazy as the delusions crept in. You imagined Sol with you, imagined him loving you, imagined a life where he saw you as something more than just an object of desire. But that was all it would ever be—delusion. And yet, it felt so real, so comforting in that moment of weakness.
You clung to the bandage tighter, your tears soaking into the fabric. You couldn’t stop it. You wanted to scream, to let it all out, but the sensation of holding onto something—anything—was a distraction. It kept you from falling apart completely.
And in that moment, despite the overwhelming sadness, you felt a twisted sense of gratitude. “Thank God…” you whispered, your voice cracking. You didn’t even know what you were thankful for...
You sat there in the darkness of your room, the weight of the bandage pressing against your chest as you clutched it tighter, your fingers trembling with a twisted sense of ownership. The smell of Sol was still faint on the fabric, but to you, it was everything. It was him, in your hands, in your arms, in your mind.
A sick, deranged smile stretched across your lips, creeping its way into your expression as you hugged the bandages closer. The soft, comforting scent of Sol's presence made your heart race, and every thought felt like a desperate plea to keep him to yourself, to make him yours. It didn’t matter that you knew how wrong it all was; it didn’t matter that you were sinking deeper into this madness. In this moment, you were consumed, body and soul, by the idea of him.
You could almost see him—feel him—right next to you. The way his eyes would soften when he looked at you, how his voice would whisper your name in that quiet, gentle way, if only he knew how much you loved him. The fantasies played in your mind like a twisted film reel, each scene more vivid, more real than the last.
“Sol...” you whispered, barely able to keep the name from slipping off your tongue. “You’re mine, aren’t you?”
Your voice was soft, almost reverent, but there was a madness in your eyes. Your pupils dilated as your smile deepened, the corners of your mouth stretching until it felt like your face couldn’t contain the longing and obsession.
The bandage in your hands was no longer just a piece of cloth. It was a symbol. A symbol of the twisted bond you had with him, the bond you were building, even if he didn’t know it. You felt your chest tighten, your breath hitching in your throat. You imagined what it would be like when he finally realized—when he finally saw you, truly saw you, not just as a fleeting moment in his life, but as the one who loved him the most, the one who would never let him go.
Your mind raced, wild and untamed, thoughts spiraling in a whirlpool of desperation. What would you do if he knew? Would he ever love you back, or would he push you away like everyone else had? No. You wouldn’t let that happen.
You could feel a twinge of possessiveness, something dark and primal clawing at your insides, as you pressed the bandage to your face, inhaling deeply.
I need him. I need him so much…
A bitter laugh bubbled up from deep within your throat, a hollow sound that echoed around the room, dark and twisted. “I’ll make sure no one takes you from me. Not anyone. You’ll be mine, Sol. Forever...”
You closed your eyes, your fingers clutching the bandage as if it were the most precious thing in the world. A tear slipped down your cheek, though it wasn’t from sadness. It was from the overwhelming need, the obsessive desire that consumed every corner of your heart.
You smiled again, slower this time, as you whispered to the empty room, “You’ll see... You’ll see, Sol. We’re meant to be. You have me in your order already.."
The sudden buzz of your phone broke through the fog of obsession, pulling you back to reality with a jolt. Your heart skipped a beat as you saw Crowe’s name flash on the screen. You felt a rush of panic that surged through your chest like ice-water.
Shit.
You quickly unlocked your phone, your fingers trembling as you read his message. "Hey, can I add you to the group chat with the others? Just thought it’d be fun to hang out more!"
You stared at the words, each syllable clawing at you.every interaction with Crowe felt like another chain around your neck, pulling you further away from Sol, from the delusion of him.
Your heart raced, a sick, suffocating feeling creeping up your throat. You couldn't afford to keep Crowe close. He was a distraction. The more you interacted with him, the more dangerous it became. Sol was always watching, always simmering in the background, and you couldn’t risk him finding out about Crowe. No more distractions.
Before you could stop yourself, your fingers moved faster than your mind. You typed the word “no” before deleting the message, quickly following up by erasing his contact entirely.
Done. That’s it. No more Crowe.
You breathed a sigh of relief—for now. You thought you could relax. You thought you could get back to your twisted little world with Sol, without anyone else interfering.
But then it happened.
The sickening realization hit you like a brick to the chest.
SHIT.
Crowe had added you to the group chat before you deleted his contact.
Your heart sank. You cursed under your breath, panic bubbling up inside you. You immediately opened the group chat, only to be greeted by a flood of messages. His name was there, right at the top of the list, and your chest tightened as you saw a few of the others already chatting away.
The chat was buzzing with messages about the Halloween party at school this Friday. The excitement was palpable, everyone discussing costumes, plans, and what to expect. You couldn’t help but feel a twinge of anticipation in the air as you scrolled through the messages, catching bits and pieces of the conversation.
Your mind drifted, and a thought struck you suddenly—maybe I should ask him to come with me.
Without a second thought, you quickly snapped a screenshot of the party announcement that Deryl had sent earlier, one with all the details. You attached it to the message and sent it in the group chat, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe you weren’t just sharing the information with the others.
Almost immediately, your phone buzzed with a response from Sol.
“A Halloween Party hosted by the school?” he asked, his message clear and direct, as always.
You felt a small spark of hope rise within you. Maybe this could be the perfect chance.
You sent another message, your fingers hovering over the keyboard as you typed, asking if Sol had eaten yet. It felt like a random question, but your mind was racing, eager for some kind of connection.
You kept sending little questions, almost aimlessly—anything to keep the conversation going. It felt like you were trying to fill the silence, but deep down, you knew what you were really doing.
You were craving his attention, his responses. You couldn’t help it.
"I'm not quite into parties," Sol replied after a moment, his words calm but distant.
"Oh... Well, that's alright, just asking, that's all," you quickly typed back, trying not to sound disappointed, though a part of you was.
Then, to your surprise, another message came in almost immediately.
"Wait."
Your heart skipped a beat.
"If you're coming, then I'm coming as well."
The words sent a wave of excitement through you. He’s coming?!
"Really?!" you typed, almost too quickly, feeling a smile tug at your lips.
"Really," he replied, and for a moment, you felt your stomach flip.
"Do you plan on dressing up?" you asked, the curiosity getting the best of you.
"I don't know. Do you?" he responded.
"I mean, it's a costume party. Why not?" you replied, enthusiasm creeping into your tone.
"I'll think of something then," he said, and you could almost hear the slight smile in his words.
You hesitated for a moment, not sure whether to push Sol into the idea of going to the party. It felt like too much pressure, so you decided to soften your approach.
"It’s fine if you don’t want to come..." you typed, trying to make it sound casual. You didn’t want to make him feel obligated, but you couldn’t deny the ache in your chest at the thought of being alone at the party.
"Pardon?" he responded quickly, a bit confused. You could almost picture the raised eyebrow from him, a slight shift in tone.
"I mean, it’s Friday, so it’s the weekend, right?" You continued, trying to hide the vulnerability behind your words. "We could still hang out without going to the party. I just... didn’t want to be lonely."
There it was, the truth spilling out, but also a part of you knowing it was a perfect excuse for your real intentions. You needed Sol close. You needed him to understand that Crowe was out of the picture, that no one else could get in the way.
He was quiet for a moment, then typed: "Do you want to hang out with me?"
Your heart skipped. You didn't even hesitate.
"Yes," you typed, without a second thought. It was like you were dropping the last of your guard, exposing the raw, desperate need for his presence.
But deep down, you also knew you were playing the game just right. You were making sure to look like you were alone, like you didn’t have anyone else in your life. Crowe was out, and now Sol could see how easy it would be for him to sweep in. He’ll understand, you thought to yourself. I’m the fresh rabbit, and he’s always watching.
Your thoughts wandered to your conversation. You knew Sol liked horror films, he’d mentioned it before. You felt a surge of inspiration.
"What about a horror movie?" you asked casually. "You know, something fun, something we can watch while hanging out?"
There was a slight pause before he replied. And then it came.
"I guess I could do that...," he typed, and for the first time, there was something different in his words. It was as if he wasn’t just dry and indifferent anymore. He sounded... slightly interested.
It made your heart flutter. He’s cute, you thought to yourself, smiling as you typed.
You slipped into the kitchen, eyes scanning the food you had prepared earlier. You opened the containers, one after another, heart thudding in your chest. But it wasn’t touched. Not a single bite.
Your chest tightened as you checked another batch, and then another. The seals were intact. Nothing had been opened.
He’s not coming tonight.
You felt the realization hit you like a wave. The silence of the empty space was deafening, and you wanted to scream, to cry, to lash out at the crushing disappointment. But instead, you swallowed it all, letting the heaviness settle deep within.
Grabbing something quick to eat, you barely tasted it. The food turned to ash in your mouth as you moved to your room. The quiet was unbearable. You needed to do something—anything to distract yourself from the longing, the ache that refused to go away.
You sank to the floor, pulling your sketchbook and supplies toward you. The charcoal pencil felt familiar in your fingers, a lifeline. You began to draw, the lines forming without thought, your hands moving like a machine. Stroke after stroke, his face emerged on the paper. Sol.
His soft, yet piercing eyes. The way his lips held a hint of mystery, the curve of his jawline—strong but refined. Every detail you etched felt like worship, your devotion spilling onto the page. You poured yourself into the drawing, the room around you fading away until there was only him.
When it was done, a small, trembling smile tugged at the corners of your lips. You stared at the portrait, your sleepless eyes red and raw, but filled with an almost manic satisfaction.
Slowly, you hugged the portrait to your chest, clutching it as though it were him. The paper crinkled slightly under your grip, but you didn’t care. You kissed the charcoal lips on the drawing, your own trembling, tears sliding down your cheeks.
"Please... just be mine already," you whispered brokenly, your voice trembling with desperation. "I can’t wait anymore, Sol. I... I’ll do anything, just tell me what you want. Tell me, Please."
You stared into the lifeless eyes of the portrait, waiting for it to answer, to give you some sign. But of course, it was silent. You begged again, your tears smudging the edges of the drawing.
"Say something... please," you choked out.
But the portrait didn’t speak. It remained still, just like the real Sol—always so close, yet so far.
Curling around the paper, you let out a soft, pained sob. The ache in your heart felt unbearable, but you couldn’t stop. This obsession, this need—it had consumed you entirely. And no matter how much it hurt, you didn’t want it to stop. You wanted to push yourself with work.
The laundry room was quiet, the steady hum of the machine and the rhythmic sloshing of water the only sounds accompanying your thoughts. You moved mechanically, pulling clothes from the hamper, sorting them into piles, trying to ignore the lingering haze of obsession that clouded your mind.
I can’t keep going like this... you thought to yourself, folding one of your shirts. I need to focus on normal things. Normal people do laundry. Normal people don’t... don’t...
Your train of thought derailed as your hands brushed the fabric of a familiar piece of clothing. You frowned slightly, realizing something was missing. The set wasn’t complete. You glanced at the piles, searching, your hands moving faster, more frantic. Something wasn’t right.
Quickly, you abandoned the laundry, heading to your cupboard to double-check. You rifled through your drawers, tossing clothes aside until you found what you were looking for—or rather, what you weren’t finding. One of your shirts—your favorite, the one you wore at home—was gone.
At first, you froze, confusion flashing through you. Then, slowly, your lips parted into a soft giggle. Your face flushed as the realization dawned on you.
Oh, Sol...
A hand flew to your mouth as a giddy, almost delirious laugh escaped your lips. Your knees buckled, and you sat down in front of the cupboard, staring at the empty space where that clothing should’ve been.
He took it again. He stole it. That adorable little thief... How cute.
Your blush deepened as you thought about it. He can’t help himself, can he? It’s unfair... You glanced toward your bed, where the collection of his things was hidden away. He gets to take my clothes, and I only have his bandages and a pencil. It’s not enough.
You hugged your knees, staring dreamily at the laundry pile. The fabric, the scent, the soft feeling—it all reminded you of him. You let out a small, love-struck sigh, the flush on your face deepening.
"Oh, Sol," you murmured to yourself, your voice barely above a whisper. "When will you realize you already have me entirely like this? And yet, you still sneak and steal like a kid... You’re so cute."
For a moment, the world outside of Sol ceased to exist. Crowe, the laundry, your day-to-day life—it all faded into nothingness. There was only Sol. Your heart raced as you stood, your movements purposeful now. You opened the cupboard and pulled out the box where you kept his things—your most precious treasures. The bandages, his pencil, a tiny doodle of his you’d swiped from class. All of it.
You sat on the ground and opened your journal. The familiar pages greeted you, filled with sketches, notes, little scraps of his life that you’d painstakingly collected. Each page was a testament to your obsession, your devotion.
But this journal was full now, the last page crammed with your thoughts about him. There was no more room to document the all-encompassing love you felt. You smiled softly, running your fingers over the cover before carefully placing it into the box with the rest of the treasures.
"Time for a fresh start," you whispered to yourself.
You pulled out a new journal, the pages pristine and blank, waiting to be filled. You grabbed a pen and carefully wrote "Sol" on the first page in your neatest handwriting.
"Yay!" you said aloud, a childlike excitement bubbling up as you hugged the new journal to your chest. You tucked the box away in the cupboard and stood, a sense of accomplishment warming you. This is perfect. It’s all for you, Sol.
The day’s events had left you feeling drained, but for the first time in what felt like months, it wasn’t a bad kind of exhaustion. It was the sort that pulled you to the ground with a soft, irresistible weight. You lay down, clutching the sketch of Sol you’d finished earlier, holding it close like a lifeline.
You stared at it for a moment, tracing the lines with your fingers. His eyes, his lips, his hair—it was all there, captured perfectly. You pressed a kiss to the paper, your eyes fluttering closed.
"I love you," you whispered to the drawing, your voice barely audible. "One day, it’ll be real..."
The tears that slipped down your cheeks weren’t sad this time. They were soft, almost sweet, as you hugged the drawing closer and allowed your exhaustion to take over.
For the first time in what felt like forever, you drifted into sleep, clutching Sol’s likeness to your chest. Your dreams were filled with him, his presence warm and consuming, just like always. But this time, there was a strange comfort in it. The kind that made you feel like you were exactly where you were meant to be.
#the kid at the back vn#tkatb#tkatb sol#tkatb x reader#visual novel#solivan brugmansia#solvian x reader#sol x reader#the kid at the back sol#the kid at the back x reader#tkatb crowe#tkatb vn#sol brugmansia#the kid at the back
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SUMMARY: Somehow Giyuu's son has disappeared somewhere - chaos ensues because there's no way he's telling you he lost your child. A/N: I'm back and I'm beaming another Giyuu fic is in town! (<<anyone who catches the song reference wins a free request of anything they want to see Domestic!Giyuu and Co doing). I really enjoyed writing Zenitsu this way because he's just so 怪叔叔 coded (for non-Chinese, 怪叔叔 roughly translates to "weird uncle" but there's not really a word for it in English, so basically a creepy relative) WARNINGS: um, too many references to other anime if you catch them (name them all to get a free scenario) SUNNY'S TAGLIST: (comment if you wanna be added or removed) @abadonkori @therabbitthatpostthings @ezekieleen @giyuusluht @bisforbuse MASTERLIST/PREVIOUS FICS
There were about three times that Giyuu can recall directly lying to your face.
The first time was when you were still pregnant with Koji and got hit by cravings in the middle of the night. Your emotions had been skyrocketing, leaving you a sulky mess when Giyuu tried to reason with you that 3 a.m. really wasn't the time to eat daifuku. It was unhealthy, he said, perfectly poker-faced. It could not, you reasoned, be because he ate them all. It could not because you had (quite fiercely) told him not to eat it and Giyuu didn't even like that particular flavour of daifuku anyway. He didn't, which was why he stopped eating about halfway through…leaving about one or two for you.
So far you hadn't found that out. Don't worry, Giyuu still feels bad for gaslighting you into thinking there were only originally two left. Definitely not six.
The second time was about the seriousness of his injuries after a tougher than usual mission before you two married. Actually it should be more of a collection of little white lies, because Giyuu never wanted to worry you and did his best to play down his injuries every time. But this time he nearly had his legs sliced off and was suffering several more crushed bones - not something he could easily hide from you, so it was a little extreme but he wrote you a letter telling you not to come because the Demon's Blood Art was infectious.
So far you hadn't found that out either. Neither did Kocho, but he almost regretted it from her million “My, my, Tomioka, it seems like everybody's avoiding you lately” though he later found out it was because you genuinely believed him and told everybody.
And the third time was today. Funny enough the lie he felt the worst about. Felt so bad he nearly chickened out and made Tanjiro tell you…if he hadn't remembered the boy couldn't tell a lie to save his life.
It was just eight words. Eight words.
“Where's Koji by the way?”
“…he's outside playing with Tanjiro and his friends.”
Eight words that made Giyuu want to bang his head against a wall and meekly apologize to you for all eternity.
Because somehow he had managed to lose his only son.
He was going to lose his ability to remain poker-faced soon as you beamed brightly at him. “That sounds fun! But I thought you all were training?”
“We took a break.” Giyuu squeezed your hand and leant down to press a kiss to your forehead. “You're supposed to be asleep anyway. Get well soon.”
“Mhm. I'm not that tired.” You roll your eyes. “Can you bring in Koji later?”
“…sure…”
He hoped he didn't look too obvious.
***
Perhaps a little backtracking would be helpful. You had recently received severe blood loss from the last mission you were sent on that landed you a stay at the Butterfly Mansion. It wasn't too bad as you got to spend a little more time with Giyuu and your new baby boy but finally Shinobu had shooed (for such a short woman she could really push people around with great force…) them both out citing you needed rest “without you making goo-goo eyes at her all the time, Tomioka. You must be such a bad influence on your child.”
To which he responded by blankly staring at her. “I don't think I'm a bad influence…”
“If you'd like to think so, Tomioka. Now scram.”
At any rate he had brought Koji out with him to training with the Kamaboko Squad as they were known. He had left the baby on a blanket on the engawa with various toys littered around to keep his attention occupied; Koji hadn't quite mastered the art of walking yet, so Giyuu was reasonably confident he would be alright, evidenced by the quick checks Giyuu would take in between swinging a sword with the boys.
Swinging a sword, honestly, would be lying as well. Giyuu couldn't fault them for wanting to play with Koji - even though for whatever reason Inosuke kept trying to give him acorns and called him every other variation of his name…ranging from “Genji”, “Koto” and “Muji”.
(The closest he got was calling him Toji, but Giyuu was still confused as to why he also added a “Fushiguro” at the end…)
“Look! The tiny Ban Ban Haori took my gift, Gonpachiro! AHAHAHAHA, YOU CAN BE MY MINION, DENJI!”
Giyuu yanked the grass blades and said acorn away from Koji’s drooling mouth. “You're not supposed to be feeding him that…spit it out, Koji, no, don't swallow!”
Not that Inosuke was listening. He was dumping even more acorns onto the ground, in fact. Thankfully Giyuu's mini-me was fancying chewing on his dad's finger a little more.
The yellow haired one wasn't much better. Zenitsu kept trying to befriend Koji…who did not want to befriend him. Whether it was because of Zenitsu’s expressions or questionable decibel volume or him calling himself “Uncle Zenitsu”, no matter how many times said slayer fawned over the baby or tried to play with him Koji’s lip would quiver, his eyes would tear up and inevitably the wailing would start.
So obviously Giyuu solved the problem by “politely” telling Zenitsu to go away.
(Later on you wouldn't understand why Zenitsu kept glowering at your husband; Giyuu would defend himself, deadpan as he said Koji did not like him therefore he should get out of his sight.)
At least someone in the group has a brain cell and experience with little kids. Of them all Giyuu trusted Tanjiro the most with his child. Koji seemed to adore the red haired boy, wanting to burrow into his lap all the time and curiously tugging at his hanafuda earrings. Hardly surprising, seeing as Tanjiro was more than happy to indulge in his uppies and not attempt to throw him in the air like Inosuke or poke him a little too harder like Zenitsu. He even put on a little puppet show for him with the scattered plushies.
Koji seemed to adore Tanjiro a little too much, actually. Giyuu decided to make them all go back to training after Koji rejected his hold for Tanjiro’s uppies.
But they ended up spending more time getting distracted over petty arguments rather than training.
The boar-head was cackling in that weird maniacal way of his. “Manjiro and Monitsu will never ever land a hit on me!!! I'm the King of the Mountains, no one will ever best me!”
Giyuu closed his eyes and sighed quietly before smacking the wooden sword upside on Inosuke's head. But-
“HUH? WHAT'D YOU SAY ABOUT ME?! IT'S NOT FAIR, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE USING TWO SWORDS! I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU UP-”
“Inosuke, again, my name is Tanjiro-”
“WHAT, TSUKISHIRO?!”
“COME HERE! I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR BUTT!”
“Zenitsu! Stop trying to eat Inosuke's head!”
“BWAHAHA! HE COULD NEVER! THE TINY ONE BITES HARDER THAN HIM!”
Too late. Sigh again.
“You're not even one yet and you're the sanest here, it seems.” Giyuu retreated to let them fight it out (it was the third time already), seating himself next to Koji, who cooed and tried to crawl onto his lap, dropping his plushy.
“Why did I even agree to this again?” Probably because Tanjiro asked - he really was going soft.
“Bleh.”
Giyuu nodded. “You get it.”
***
Tanjiro just about jumped Giyuu when he exited the room you were in, closing the door with a twitching eye (he really can’t believe he managed to lie to you), more than ready to help his friend and mentor track down the missing child by making Giyuu go over everything again and again. “So are you SURE that was the last time you saw Koji then?”
“AHAHAHAH! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU MANAGED TO LOSE YOUR SPAWN!” The laughter dies down as it fully hits Inosuke. “…wait, you lost Ojiro?”
“OH NO! TOMIOKA’S GOING TO GET MURDERED BY HIS WIFE!”
“I-” Giyuu short circuited. “You’re right, Agatsuma. (y/n)’s going to have my head on a platter.
“HOW CAN YOU BE SUCH A-”
“Calm down, everyone! Koji couldn’t have gotten far, he can’t walk without stumbling and he crawls most of the time, right? And since we already checked outside Koji must be inside the Butterfly Mansion!” Tanjiro patted Giyuu’s shoulder. “We’ll find him, Giyuu-san!”
“I BET I’LL BE THE FIRST TO FIND HIM!” Inosuke hollered before…leaping onto the wall and scuttling off down the hallway. “YOU’RE ALL LOSERS TO THE KING OF THE MOUNTAINS! I SHALL FIND MY MINION!”
At this point Giyuu couldn’t even be surprised. “I’m more worried about if he’s fallen down or hiding somewhere or got stuck some place or something worse.”
“It’s alright! We can ask Ms. Aoi and the Butterfly Girls to help or if they’ve seen Koji!”
“There’s no way he could’ve run off by himself anyway.”
***
“No, sorry, I don’t think any baby came into the kitchen, Tomioka-san.”
Giyuu’s shoulder slumped. “I see.”
“I’m sure you’ll find him soon, Tomioka-san, Tanjiro, Zenitsu!” The three girls that were always around piped up. “We’ll keep an eye out for him though!”
“Aw, that’s so cute of you guys!”
Giyuu let Zenitsu bask in the three girl’s praises for being so kind to help the Water Pillar look for his son and turned back to Tanjiro and Aoi, who was tapping a spoon against the table thoughtfully. “There’re lots of rooms where he could’ve hidden. Have you checked?”
“Yeah, we have, but there’s no sign of him anywhere,” Tanjiro sheepishly answered.
“How did he even disappear?”
He didn’t know it but the despairing look on his face was rather pitiful. “I don’t know. I turned around to check on him and he just wasn’t there.”
“You didn’t hear him crawl off?”
“No.”
Tanjiro suddenly interrupted. “Oh hey, Aoi! Are you making mochi now?”
“Um…yes?”
“Giyuu-san! Didn’t you say Koji likes the smell of them? Maybe he’ll come out if he smells some!”
“What kinda idea is that?” Zenitsu scoffed, before remembering every other method had failed. He deflated. “Alright, it might work.”
The girls oohed and aahed. “We’ll help!”
“That’s actually a good idea, Tanjiro. You can have some, here, and good luck! I hope you guys find him!”
Privately Giyuu thought they were treating Koji like he was a dog and not actually, you know, a human BABY perhaps…but if it worked, it worked, so he let himself be roped into the plan.
***
It did not work.
Despite the odds at this point Giyuu was convinced a demon had kidnapped his baby. Every room in the house had been investigated. All of them had literally gotten on their hands and feet, calling out and cooing out Koji’s name. Inosuke had even dropped down from the ceiling to give them all a heart attack and announce that he could not sense “Tiny Todoroki” anywhere.
Giyuu was ready to pull out his ponytail. Where on earth could his son possibly even go? Kocho’s Estate wasn’t even that large! He hadn’t even heard so much as baby babble or Koji’s crying. In fact it might be the Kamaboko Squad who would be crying if Kocho ever discovered the mess they made turning everything inside out and upside down trying to figure out where a baby could’ve crawled off into and potentially gotten stuck in. What on earth had he done to deserve this horrible state of affairs?
What had he done to Koji that would make the baby want to vanish into thin air?
Well, whatever it was, he was terribly apologetic about it.
He didn’t know it but his head was hung in repentance as Giyuu approached the door to your room. The Kamaboko Squad and the three Butterfly Girls were behind him in awkward, contrite silence. It takes a village to raise a child, maybe, but apparently it takes waaay beyond a village to FIND a child. Giyuu felt a little bad they all got stuck trying to fix his mistake, so if any backlash happened from your end - though he doubted it - he’d do his best to take the most of it.
“It’s not really your fault Koji ran off, Giyuu-san,” Tanjiro tried to say reassuringly.
“It absolutely is. I should’ve checked on him more,” Giyuu replied gloomily and on that depressing note he entered you room.
“Yuu!” You tossed aside your book and reached out your arms. He obliged, even in the painful angle he had to sit in to lie his head against your chest, but you stroking his hair was enough to make up for it. “I’m so bored here, can’t you convince Shinobu I’m fine already?”
“You nearly fell down the stairs when you felt dizzy yesterday-”
“No, I nearly fell down because the floor was wet! I’m fine, I swear!” You huff and fell back against the pillows, scratching away at Giyuu’s scalp. “Anyways, where’s Koji? I wanna see my baby.”
“Our baby.”
“Right, sorry, Yuu. Where is he?”
Darn. Giyuu had hoped you would be distracted a little longer - for something, anything, maybe a miracle to happen - before he would have to reveal the truth to you.
He groaned loudly and face planted into your blanket-covered stomach. “(y/n), lovely, please don’t be mad at me. I did my best to-”
“Try and give Koji a bath but he did such a terrible job, (y/n) dear, that I had to take over.”
Alright, Giyuu knows he was praying for something to save him, but of all things - KOCHO?!
The Insect Pillar’s smile widened viciously at the sight of Giyuu’s shocked face as she glided to your bedside, mirroring those of the Kamaboko Squad and Butterfly Girls’ outside. A freshly showered Koji, with his puffy baby hair stuck to his forehead from water, giggled in Shinobu’s arms, kicking and squealing.
“Hi, baby! Did you miss mama? Mama missed you, y’know, mhm, I know.” You took Koji into your own hold, blowing raspberries onto his stomach. “Did Yuu do a good job of taking care of you? I think so too, heh.”
I think not, Shinobu’s eyes wickedly gleamed.
I think not too…Giyuu blinked back. While you were distracted he quickly got to his feet and crossed over to the other side to pull Shinobu aside.
“Thank you.”
“That, Tomioka, was the stiffest thanks anyone has ever given me.” Shinobu covered her chuckles with an airy hand. “No need, but try not to make me cover for you again or lose your son?”
“I - I will, but where did you even find him?”
“Well, well, Tomioka, I thought you all were done for training and went outside, but instead I found him crawling off the engawa and rolling in the mud, so I had to bring him in and give him a bath. Then I saw you all running around trying to find him and figured it must’ve looked like he just disappeared to you all when he was playing in the puddle.”
Giyuu glanced back at you and Koji and quietly vowed to never lose any of you, no matter the circumstances, whether it be to demons or simply because you had wandered off due to boredom. If missing you both for just a few hours had done such a number on him, he never wanted to find out what happens if…
“…I guess I owe you one now, Kocho,” Giyuu acknowledged.
“You can start by cleaning up the mess you made of my house, Tomioka.”
***
BONUS:
You actually nearly found out about Koji’s brief disappearance earlier when a boar leapt down from the ceiling and nearly gave you a heart attack.
“AHAHAHAHA! THE KING OF THE MOUNTAINS IS BACK!”
Instinctively you jolted back and almost screamed loud enough to wake the dead if you hadn’t recognized the intruder. “Inosuke?! What - what are you - what were you doing up there?!”
The boy in question grunted, head swiveling around. “…this isn’t the right room.”
“What? What right room?”
“Gotta go, gotta look for Toru Oikawa!”
“Who?!”
#giyuu x reader#giyuu x y/n#giyuu x you#giyuu tomioka x reader#giyuu tomioka x y/n#kny x reader#giyuu x reader fluff#Sunny's Works#giyuu tomioka x you
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ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ HER FURY
ᯓ★ Reader has EXTREME emotional detachment/anger issues, enemies to lovers trope (?), John loves to rile up reader, angst (mention of r-word but it doesnt happen dw), slight gore?, lots of funny shi tho, intense smooching but nothing crazy 🤯, reader is fem!!! (Literally writing this instead of doing my assignment, didnt proof read I rushed)
ᯓ★
Pairing you and John up for any mission was a recipe for disaster. Yet Dutch doesn't seem to catch the memo about the chemistry between you both. You HATED John and he? He enjoys that you hate him. As a matter of fact, he gets the thrill out of pissing you off. Because everybody and I mean EVERYBODY at camp knows you have a bad temper. It's just some of them happen to value their life instead of testing your limits.
Nonetheless Dutch had asked of you and John to confront a company man in Saint Denis. The details were that he had a contract that you needed to steal from him. You didn't know much but all you knew was that he played the chief into giving up all his property to the him and with the crew needing help from the chief, this was the only way to do it.
You're never a complainer when it comes to being assigned a mission but since you're being paired up with John and not to mention being told to do it this early in the morning.
You were pissed.
"Can't believe I'm doing this in the morning... Out of everyone Dutch should know I'm not a morning person" You cursed before riding off with John matching your pace on his horse.
Hearing your muttered curses, he can't help but smirk.
"Ain't that the truth. I don’t think anyone in this gang is a mornin’ person" He said.
"Oh shut up" You simply replied.
John doesn't say anything but chuckle at your annoyance. Eventually you two made it to the city, you both dismounted your horses and tied them to a nearby hitching pole. Even in the early morning, the city of Saint Denis was already bustling with activity, horse-drawn wagons passed by, and people hustled and bustled about their business.
John and you made your way through the city, eyeing the people around you and listening for any clues about the man Dutch sent you to hunt down. As you made your way down the sidewalk, you couldn't help but glare at every businessman your eyes laid upon. The way they speak and act just manages to tick you off. This however caught John's attention.
"Ain't you just a ray of sunshine" He sarcastically said and it made you look at him with your brows narrowed.
"What?"
"What? You're scarin' the city folks, that's what"
You scoff.
"All these rich folks just make me all pissed off. Actin' all high and mighty like their lives are worth more than the poor. It's all about class 'til you're talking to someone beneath you"
John chuckled, his eyes following your gaze as you glared at the next businessman walking past you.
"I don’t blame ya. Most of these fools wouldn’t last a day out there tryin’ to survive. They ain’t got any idea what it’s really like" He said and you somehow found yourself nodding to his words.
Suddenly your eyes stopped at a figure hurrying outside a tailor shop. His appearance fitting the very description Dutch had provided you. You nudged John with your elbow and you jerked your head towards the target. John followed your gaze, his eyes landing on the man you pointed at. He studied him for a moment, taking in his features and behaviour.
"I think that's him" You said.
"Seems like it" he answered in a serious tone.
"He’s in a pretty big hurry to get somewhere, ain't he?" He pointed out the obvious.
"Well let's make sure he doesn't get there" Before you even finished talking you were already going after the man.
The two of you started following the man while making sure to keep some distance as to not raise any suspicion. Eventually, the man's route lead the two of you to a quieter part of the city, away from most of the people. John shot a glance your way, a silent question in his eyes of what to do next.
You don't say anything but the mischief on your face somehow answered that question in his head.
"Hey!!" You called out to the guy who's body tenses at your voice. Despite you trying to plaster on a smile, it just made you come off scary.
"What do you want? Money?" he asked gruffly, his hand reaching for something inside his pocket discreetly.
"Money? Is that what you think what my kind is always after?" You approached him slowly and John simply watched from a feet away, his arms crossed with a glimpse of amusement on his face.
He had to admit, this is always the best part of being paired up with you.
"I heard from a birdy that you've done something terrible... you wouldn't happen to be familiar with the chief now would you?" You placed a hand on his shoulder and from how the man's eyes widened slightly at your question and the hint of nervousness displayed on his face.
You knew this was the right guy.
"And who might you be? A-And why should I tell you anything about my business with the chief?" He asked, his tone guarded and wary with suspicion.
When your hands came down to smooth out the wrinkled fabric of his suit, he yelps at the sudden tuck of his tie. You laugh it off.
"I'm simply a nobody but I know damn well you tricked the chief into giving up half his property to your company. Now I don't care what you need it for but there's nothing more that I hate than a lying scum" You flash him a smile before grabbing him forcefully by the jaw. Your action causing him to panic.
"I-I don't know what you're talking about! Let me go!!" He stammered, his mask now slipping away to reveal his true self.
"Give me the contract sir and you won't be leaving here with a broken nose" You casually spoke and John stepped a feet closer to the scene.
"Just do what she says sir" John added and the man looks between the two of you before finally nodding quickly.
"O-Okay!! It's in my pocket!!" He said and you gave him a warning look before releasing your grip on him.
He took a few deep breaths to steady himself before taking out a crumpled piece of paper. You raise your eyebrow as you took it from him, then unfolding it to read the words written on it properly. Once you were sure it was the real thing, you turn to face John who has a small smirk on his face from observing the confrontation.
"Well, well... that was quite the performance darlin" He said, taking the contract from you the second you handed it to him.
"I ain't your darlin" You said as you walked past him and back onto the city streets. He chuckles softly while following you from behind.
"Oh, that's right. You ain’t my darlin’, you're just someone extremely stubborn and bossy who I gotta follow around all day" He said, sarcasm dripping from his voice.
"Glad we've got that cleared out"
Suddenly the sound of a whistle pierced through the air. John's expression darkened at the sight of the lawmen headed at the direction of the two of you.
"Great, now the law is after us. Figures" He remarked at the turns of events but you were already halfway getting onto your horse.
"Are you plannin' on staying?!" You shouted and he didn't need to be told twice as he quickly got on his horse.
The two of you quickly rode off and you checked over your shoulder to see several lawmen hot on your trail. Their guns firing as they tried to stop you from escaping. John, too, was firing his pistol as he rode, his aim steady and focused. You let out an annoyed groan before taking out your rifle and began shooting at the reinforcements coming from the left.
"Now I'm thinking if I should have killed the guy!" You shouted before shooting one square in the face.
John chuckled grimly as he watched you take out another lawman, his focus still on the ones from behind.
"Maybe you should've done us all a favor and put him out of his misery. Would've saved us a whole lot of trouble" He said and with half of them taken out and some on their way. You quickly looked around for an escape route.
"There!! The trees!!" You pointed.
John followed your lead, steering his horse into the trees as you both hid together. The two of you waited silently, the only sound the rapid beating of your hearts as the lawmen rode past, their horses' hooves thundering against the ground. Once they were out of sight, John let out a breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding.
"Well, that was a close call" he muttered, his voice a little out of breath.
"I suppose I should be thanking you for getting us into this mess in the first place, then?" He manages to say even after barely making it out. You shoot him a death glare.
"Now I'm wishing Dutch had picked Javier to come with me" You said before galloping the way back to camp.
John raises his brows out of shock at your sudden confession. Quickly and almost desperately, he catches up to you and rode alongside you.
"Oh, come on, I ain't that bad" he countered, his tone feigning offense.
"You're worse" You said and like always, you rode off in a haste, leaving him completely behind. He sighs as he watches you go.
-
Once you made it back to camp, John arrived right after you. He got off his horse and he watches as you hand Dutch the contract before heading to your tent. When he tries to say something to you, you gave him a middle finger with your back facing him. Clearly noticing you're not in a good mood, he shrugs and walked away.
John had an amused look on his face as he stood beside Arthur, the two of them watching you practically storming inside your tent.
"She's quite the firecracker, ain't she?" John said and it had Arthur chuckle, a mischievous glint in his eye.
"Oh, that she does" he agreed with a smirk on his face.
"Although I gotta say, it's rather entertaining to see her riled up" He added.
Just then they see Uncle headed towards your tent. Clearly looking to ask you for something.
"This can go wrong in so many ways" Arthur observed.
The second Uncle made contact with your tent, that was it.
"GET OUT!!! GET THE FUCK OUT!!" You shouted and threw a candle that merely missed him by the head.
John and Arthur couldn't help but burst out laughing as they watched Uncle trip and fall on his way from your tent. Everybody knows that you hate getting your alone time interrupted, especially when you're tired or had just came back from a rough mission so anyone who tried to talk to you was practically asking for it.
"That poor bastard" John said, wiping a tear from his eye while Arthur's laughter was subsiding slowly.
"I gotta give him credit for trying though. He's either really brave or really stupid to approach when she's in a mood like that" Arthur chuckled.
Soon Javier joined the conversation, confusion and curiosity shown on his face.
"Well speak of the devil. Just in time to witness (Y/N) in all her glory" John said and Javier raised his brows in surprise.
"Ah, is she in a mood again? I thought I heard her yelling from all the way over there" Javier said and mirrored the other two who were standing and facing your tent.
"You heard right and apparently Uncle was unfortunate enough to be the first one to try and talk to her" John said with a slight smirk on his face.
"Poor bastard probably got an earful" Javier shaked his head with a chuckle.
"But I wonder why she's always so angry, there has to be a reason to her anger" Javier spoke and it sparked something inside John's mind.
He always figured it was something apart of your character so he never thought to view things like that.
"Who knows? Dutch found her in the woods alone, starved to bone and yet she still had the energy to fight. She was only 9 and she never told us why she was out there all alone" Arthur answered.
"Poor girl"
"Yeah"
As the two kept on talking. John was standing there with his arms crossed as he's completely lost in his mind. The one question he never thought he should pay more attention to.
Why were you angry?
-
The evening came fast. Everybody was busy doing their own thing and John was simply relaxing by the chair until he heard sounds of giggles. The voice was awfully familiar so he got up to follow the source of the sound. To his surprise he found you playing with Jack by the grass a bit further from camp. You were teaching him how to make a flower crown and John couldn't help but notice the one on top of Jack's head.
"Well, I'll be damned" John muttered.
"She's a natural isn't she?" He jumps slightly at Hosea who pretty much came out of nowhere.
"Looks like she's got a soft spot for the kid" He added as the two watch you laugh when Jack began stressing over the steps.
"More like a natural pain in my ass" John said and Hosea snorts. The sound catching your attention almost immediately, the second your neck snapped towards their direction. The two knew what was coming.
"THE HELL ARE YOU TWO LOOKIN' AT?!" You cursed while amusingly at the same time were covering Jack's ears.
The sight was enough to have John grin.
"I didn't know you were a real softie for the kid!" He said while Hosea decided to leave for the sake of his safety.
"I bet you even read bedtime stories to the boy"
"She does!!" Jack said and you couldn't contain the betrayal on your face when you turned to look at him. Seeing your face, John laughs.
"Can I get a piggyback ride auntie (Y/N)?" Jack asked so innocently that you couldn't stay mad at him. You simply nodded and he giggled with excitement as he settled onto your back.
"Say the thing!!" Jack said and you awkwardly looked at John from the corner of your eyes to see him looking all curious.
Ah... this is so embarrassing...
"All abroad the (Y/N) express..." You said with less energy than you usually do but regardless Jack was having the time of his life.
This just made John burst out into laughter. If he thought he hadn't seen it all, he does now.
"Damn kids got a good grip on you" He said, following you as you carried Jack around the camp. Your expression stoic while Jack was acting as though he was flying.
"Good I wouldn't want him to fall" Hearing you say that, John couldn't help but let a genuine smile slip.
"Of course you wouldn't" He said, his tone more softer and now less teasing.
The second it was night time, it was your turn to patrol the grounds. You walked around, rifle in hand as you were on high alert and watching for any potential dangers. It was peaceful you had to admit, just you and the sounds of the trees rustling through the wind.
You continued on your patrol until your ears perked up at the sound of footsteps approaching. You turned around almost in a blink of an eye, rifle drawn at the figure nearing towards you... only to see it was none other than John.
Of course it's John.
Why wouldn't it be John?
"Can't you just leave me alone?" You asked while he had both his hands raised up.
"Wow now, I just wanted to keep you company"
"God you're like a poodle. Wouldn't leave me alone" You said as you lowered your rifle and continued on the path of your patrol. He snickers at your words.
"A poodle? That's a new one"
You simply ignored him hoping that he'll go away but instead he followed you. After a few moments of silence, he spoke up, his tone a little softer than usual.
"So, what made you suddenly decide to take Jack on your back and act all motherly-like?" He asked and you were hoping he would drop that topic by now.
"What do you mean? I'm always like that" You response made John raised an eyebrow, a hint of surprise in his expression.
"You? Always motherly?" he chuckled, his skepticism evident.
"That's not the impression you usually give off, darlin"
"Oh please I can be nice. It's just some people don't deserve that from me"
"And who exactly doesn't deserve your so-called kindness?" he inquired, knowing very well that the list was probably long.
"People who just keeps on pissing me off" You look over at him for a quick second that if he wasn't looking at you from the start, he would have missed it.
"You mean, like me?"
"Oh you just happen to be at the top of my list" John chuckled, clearly enjoying your blunt honesty.
"I'm honored. It's good to know that I'm holding the top spot on your list of people you hate most" He said with a sarcastic voice.
After what felt like minutes of walking around, you let out a yawn as you decided to rest by a log. John stood by where you're sitting, his arms crossed as he tilts his head at you.
"Exhausted?" He asks.
"Of your shit? Yeah, just about"
He rolls his eyes at your reply before making himself sit down beside you. You stare off into the distance, at the brightly litted camp. He stared at the emotionless look on your face. Almost like all joy was sucked out of you. Sensing this might the best time and the only time he'll get, he decided to ask something.
"I heard that Dutch found you alone in the woods when you were 9. How'd that come to be?" He asks and you were still for a second before your eyes turned to look at him. With the way you were staring at him so coldly, he was wondering if he had pissed you off.
"... how would you understand?" You asked and he paused for a moment, his expression hardening slightly.
He understood your hint that you didn't think he would understand how you felt, which rubbed him the wrong way. He let out a scoff, his irritation growing.
"I ain't some damn fool, darlin'. Don't assume I can't empathize with you just cause I ain't the most sensitive person in this gang" He said and you stared at him a little longer before letting out a defeated sigh.
"I grew up in a poor family. Everyday it was a struggle to even put food on our plate. So one day my deadbeat father thought it would better off selling me and my sisters to some rich perverts. I fought like hell to run away. In a way I thought it would be better having my body torn apart by the wolves than to have a man touch me inappropriately" You said and every word that came out of you made John's mouth go dry.
It's no stranger that majority of everyone in the gang had their troubling past but to hear it from the very person who barely ever expressed themselves. It was different.
"I hated my dad. Fuck. I hated my mom more for not doing anything. The more I grew up, the more I grew to hate everybody. This ain't even the life I wanna live so what's the point of loving it" You cursed, your hands now clenching into a fist.
"So you hate everyone because of what your parents did to ya? Don't get me wrong, they sure can rot in hell for what they did but for you to keep everyone at arm's length? Don't you think it's a bit lonely? Living like that?" He said and you looked at him.
"You're the one telling me this?"
"I'm just sayin', pushing everyone away ain't gonna fill that loneliness inside you, darlin'." He said.
You stared at him, contemplating a bit while John held your gaze, his dark eyes studying your face intently. He could see the conflict in your expression, the internal struggle you were having with yourself. He shifted slightly, leaning closer towards you. His voice was low and earnest as he spoke.
"You can't keep running from your feelings, darlin'. Sooner or later, they'll catch up to you" He said.
"And what if they hurt me again?" You said and guilty enough your eyes trailed down to his lips which made John's breath hitch as he felt his pulse quicken for a brief moment before he quickly composed himself.
"What if they don't, darlin'? What if you're just letting your fears control you? Letting you miss out on something great? On moments that could possibly make you feel alive again?" He said, forcing his voice to remain even and steady.
Alive...
You looked at him and he swore he has never seen you this vulnerable before. So when you leaned in towards him, John's heart skipped a beat. Your lips inches apart that for a brief moment he thought you were going to do something unexpected... but then you pulled back, quickly standing up and breaking the closeness between you two. John felt a pang of disappointment in his chest, though he quickly masked it with a neutral expression.
"Where you going?" he asked, his voice slightly hoarse.
"To sleep" You said, rifle held by your side as you went. He doesn't say anything as he remained seated on the log. He let out a sigh and turned his gaze towards the ground, his thoughts a tangled mess in his head.
-
For the next few days, John had noticed the subtle changes in your behavior. He realized that you were deliberately avoiding him. You would steer clear of him whenever he was around, finding tasks or conversations to distract yourself elsewhere.
He couldn't help but feel confused and slightly hurt by your distant attitude. He hadn't done anything to warrant such coldness from you, and the only interaction you'd had was that brief exchange in the woods. So he figured it was because of that night that your behaviour have changed towards him.
John's irritation began to grow as your subtle avoidance continued. He couldn't understand why you were suddenly treating him like he didn't exist. He was used to your usual hostility, sure, but this was a different kind of cold shoulder. So there's no other solution but to confront you.
One evening, after the camp had quieted down for the night, John approached you while you were sitting alone, sharpening your knife. The second you became aware of his presence, you quickly got up and tried to leave however this time he stood in your way blocking your path.
"Now hold on a moment, we need to talk" He said firmly.
"There's nothing to talk about" You said and John grew annoyed at your dismissive response.
"Oh, there's plenty to talk about... You've been avoiding me like the plague for days now. Can you at least tell me what the hell I did to deserve this silent treatment?" He said and you couldn't help swallow anxiously.
"Maybe have you thought that it isn't about you?" You said and once again tried to walk past him but as predicted, he stood in your way. His body almost towering over yours.
"Don't give me that horseshit, I ain't blind. You've been avoiding me like the plague. And every time I try to talk to you, you practically bolt in the other direction" He said, clearly growing more infuriated.
"I'm a busy girl!"
"A busy girl, huh?" he repeated sarcastically, his tone laced with thinly veiled anger.
"I ain't buying it. You've always found time to be a pain in my ass, and now suddenly you're too damn busy to even look at me?"
""What the hell do you want from me John?! You just looking for someone to put your anger out on?!" You raised your voice and John wasn't afraid to match your tone.
"Maybe I am! Maybe I'm sick of your goddamn attitude, your constant need to push everyone away. You ain't fooling anyone with your coldness. You're scared!"
"I'm scared?!"
"Yeah, you're scared. You're scared of letting anyone in, scared of letting your guard down. You act tough and distant 'cause you think it'll keep you safe. But it's all just a—"
Before he could continue on talking, you suddenly grabbed him by the collar to kiss him on the lips. The action clearly caught John off guard, his surprise evident on his face. But his body responded to you despite his confusion, his own anger fueling his reaction.
He returned the kiss passionately, his arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you against him in a tight embrace. The kiss was fierce and consuming, both of you releasing all the pent up frustration and tension between you two.
John's hands ran over your body, his touch greedy and possessive. He pressed himself hard against you, his body molding to yours as if he couldn't get close enough.
He broke the kiss for a brief moment, his breathing ragged and his eyes dark with desire. He captured your lips again, his tongue seeking entry into your mouth as his hands roamed under your shirt, exploring the bare skin of your waist.
That was until the sound of someone talking from nearby that made the both of you snap out of the moment. John's attention snapped away from you for a brief moment, his eyes darting towards the source of the noise.
He then took a step back, creating a small space between you now. Both of you were breathing heavily, trying to catch your breaths after the intense moment you had just shared. Surprisingly you were the first to speak up.
"I... I didn't mean to avoid you... I was just scared of these feelings I felt around you... I thought ignoring it— ignoring you was the better idea" You said. After all, you weren't ever good at understanding your emotions.
John watched you, taking in the mixture of emotions that played across your face. He knew exactly what you were feeling because he knew what that feeling was. He took a step closer to you again, his expression now more serious.
"Sometimes we can't control how we feel, darlin'. And trust me, ain't nothing wrong with what we just did" He said, gently caressing the side of your face.
"... I'm fucking scared John... in this life I'm used to losing people, if I let myself feel things then I don't think I'll be able to survive the thought of losing you" You said, the fear in your confession made John frown a bit but there was this sweetness in his gaze when he cupped your face to look at him.
"I ain't going anywhere, darlin'. You ain't gonna lose me, I promise you that"
"You can't be sure" You said, your hands rested on top of his.
"You're right, I can't guarantee anything in this life... but I can promise you I'll do everything in my power to stay by your side. I ain't leaving you, no matter what. You got my word on that" He said, his eyes never leaving yours. You stared at him for a while before resting your head on his chest.
"God I hate you" You sighed but your lips formed a small smile. Seeing that, John couldn't help but chuckled, a warm, genuine smile spreading across his face as he wrapped his arms around you.
"You don't hate me. You can't stand me, though, I know that. But you definitely don't hate me. Otherwise, you wouldn't be leaning on me like this" He teased.
"Stop pushing your luck"
"Oh, come on, darlin'. You know you love me really" he said continuing his tease with a smirk on his face.
"Ugh..." You groaned and it had John chuckled again, enjoying the playful banter between the two of you. He tightened his arms around you while holding you close to him, his face nuzzling into your hair and his voice lowering to a husky, teasing tone.
"You don't have to admit it right now... but I know you do..."
#I LOVE HIM#WE'RE ALMOST AT 300 FOLLOWERS WHAAAA#x reader#fluff#angst#john marston#john marston x reader#john marston x you#rdr2#rdr2 x reader#rdr2 x you#rdr john#rdr x reader#john marston headcanons#red dead redemption#red dead redemption 2 x reader#red dead redemption 2#red dead redemption 2 headcanons
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Yandere! General Hcs
Warnings: Obsessive Behavior, Yandere Thoughts, Bad Writing, Stalking, Possessive Behavior, Reader is Referred as ‘You’
🌟 Yandere! General is very controlling and likes order. He has a specific way of doing things and doesn’t like seeing things out of line. Will be very demanding and forceful things don’t go his way.
🌟 Yandere! General who is insanely scary when pissed off. He basically triggers everyone’s fight or flight response no matter who they are. Can easily break every bone in someone’s body if he really wanted to or was pissed off enough.
🌟 Yandere! General has many scars on his body due to his many battles in war. He enjoys it when you run your fingers down on them. His battle scars are extremely thick and run all over his body. They symbolize his strength and resilience.
🌟 Yandere! General would write the world's most romantic letter to you everyday while he’s out at war. He feels guilty for leaving you alone and wants to finish the battle as quickly as possible just to get back to you. Every minute apart from you is torture and would always carry a picture of you in his uniform chest pocket.
🌟 Yandere! General gives you the juiciest French kisses when leaves or returns from war. He expresses his emotions mostly through action and rarely verbally expresses himself. Will also bring back jewels and clothes for you once he gets back.
🌟 Yandere! General met you at a banquet hosted by a member of the royal family. You were an aristocrat and he couldn’t help but be enthralled by you once you introduced yourself to him. He spent the entire night by your side getting to know you and currying your favor.
🌟 Yandere! General on the next day is meeting with your parents to demand for your hand in marriage. They most likely will say yes due to his high social standing and his incredible wealth. However, if they say no he won’t hesitate to kill your parents or use any form of intimidation to make it happen. Would kill a suitor he’s most threatened by and chop their head off. Then mail them to other suitors as a warning sign for them to stay away from you.
🌟 Yandere! General would betray his country and kill all the royal family members in a heartbeat if you wanted him to. Although he has a cold exterior and aggressive way of dealing with you, your wants are what he chooses to prioritize. Don’t ask too much out of him all the time though, if he feels as if your being to demanding he may spank you.
🌟 Yandere! General is incredibly hard to run away from. If you somehow manage to do so, he’ll use his position to scour the entire world until he gets his hands on you again. When he manages to do so, he’ll permanently break your legs and disabling you. This would cause you to rely on him for everything and he lives for that. You can scorn him all you want but in his mind you deserved it.
🌟 Yandere! General grew up as an only child. His mother died when he was young due to a sickness and was left with his father. Killed his father with his own bare hands which caused rumors to swell that he is a savage. Nobody knows why he did it but no one is willing to ask why due to their fear of him.
🌟 Yandere! General was forced to join the army as a child soldier in order to survive and make a living. Climbed up the ranks and is now the most respected man in the military. Over time he’s hardened a lot and the sight of blood does not bother him, in fact it excites him. The thrill of a dangerous battle gets his adrenaline going and wanting to smash someone’s brains in.
🌟 Yandere! General loves it when you read a book to him while he cuddles with you. It’s the peaceful times that he yearns for the most. Being out in war all the time and having to fight battles since a young age really traumatized him. A change in scenery is really like a breath of fresh air. He can only really feel at serenity when you’re in his arms.
🌟 Yandere! General has a very unique and strange sense of humor. He likes to make a lot of pun jokes which most of the time leave the room just silent. Thinks that he is extremely hilarious and gets proud of his jokes. When he tells a joke to you, you usually just ignore him but he will keep repeating that joke until he gets a reaction out of you. Usually it’s a pity laugh or a really tiny awkward chuckle.
🌟 Yandere! General keeps weapons hidden from you. Does not trust you enough to handle them and doesn’t like you holding them. Why would you need them when he can protect you himself? Won’t allow you to learn how to properly use weapons because he believes that it isn’t needed with him around.
🌟 Yandere! General is very strict with you. He doesn’t like seeing you do things that he deems as “out of line” such as escaping. Has a daily routine that he likes for you to follow and won’t hesitate to demoralize you if you don’t. Although he can be very mean to you at times that doesn’t mean he’ll allow others to do the same. If he ever sees a maid bullying you, he’d gladly hang them in the middle of the city for everyone to see.
🌟 Yandere! General has so much power that at times, not even the royal family can stop him. He’s very influential and the only thing they can do is look at him in horror. Many successors in line for the crown will try to curry his favor in order to stabilize their position as the next ruler. His say is the most powerful out of all the noblemen combined. Absolutely no one can compete with him.
🌟 Yandere! General is very tall and extremely muscular all around. He’s the most well built person you’ll ever meet. His boobs are probably bigger than yours. Is as hard as a rock, if you ever tried to punch him you’re fist would probably break and is easily one of the most strongest people in the world.
🌟 Yandere! General isn’t as book smart as he’d like to be. It’s not surprising because for most of his childhood he’s been in the military. Most of his learning came from trying to understand important documents and make sense of them as a child. He loves to learn though and is willing to learn your native language if you have one.
🌟 Yandere! General has a lot of pent up stress due to paperwork he needs to complete. He lives to put you on his lap while he does his work in his office. Having you there just gives him delight and encourages him to complete his work faster. These days are very slow days to him and time just seems to drag on.
🌟 Yandere! General makes sure that you’re well taken care of and loves putting collars or chokers on you, it's just another sign that you belong to him. Don’t ever try resisting him because it just never goes too well for you. Just give up there’s nothing you can do.
Pt. 2
#yandere x you#yandere x y/n#yandere headcanons#yandere scenarios#yandere general#yandere#yandere imagines#male yandere#yandere x darling#yandere x reader#yandere oc#gn reader
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Hey, could you write some Gaara angst. He and his fiancé fought over something and the argument was that bad where he said things that he shouldn’t have. His fiancé has to leave for a mission the next day,a dangerous one at that. Things go wrong on her mission and she’s now in the hospital and it’s hard to say if she’ll live or not. Gaara is in complete emotional distress and guilt because he feels that it’s his fault that his fiancé might not live.
Have a lovely day!
author's note: I saw "she" in the request, so I am rolling with a fem! reader. It's not a secret I love writing angst, so I really enjoyed writing this one. I hope you like it as well! <3 Thank you for requesting!
warnings: none, other than reader can be a little bit annoying in the first half lol
This is not how the evening was supposed to go.
As the last day before your two-week mission, you imagined it as a romantic day, filled with lots of laughter, kisses, and good homemade food, which you had spent all day making.
A screaming match in your fiancé's office was definitely not part of the plan.
"Lower your voice", Gaara sighed, his fingers making their way to rub soothing circles on the side of his forehead. You had stormed into the Kazekage's building about an hour ago, and while your demeanour was progressively getting worse and more aggressive, somehow he had still managed to remain collected.
"Excuse me?", you let out a scoff, marching towards his desk and slamming your hands on top of it, "Don't command me like that! Who do you think you are?"
The words triggered something inside of him and he abruptly stood up, slamming his hands right next to yours and getting right in your face. His eyes, usually calm and inviting, were now cold and dark, showing that there was a storm brewing inside of him.
"I am your fiancé, but most importantly your Kazekage", he gritted his teeth, emphasizing his title, " I know you are upset and I said I am sorry! But your shenanigans stop now!"
Tilting your head, you remained silent and narrowed your eyes, determined not to give up on the little staring contest you had going on. Pressing your lips together, you moved your jaw in annoyance, your breathing heavy with the pent-up frustration.
"Well, guess what, Kazekage?", your words came out almost mocking, while a small sarcastic smirk appeared on your face, "If you tired of dealing with my "shenanigans", maybe you should run and complain to your little friend from the Leaf. I am sure he would be more than happy to hear we are on the verge of breaking up because of him."
"Are you hearing yourself?", Gaara finally raised his voice, moving away from the desk, while running his hand through his red locks, "Break up because of Naruto? You are being absolutely ridiculous, Y/N!"
"I am being ridiculous? This is our last day before my mission and you decide to spend it with Naruto!", you screamed, shaking your hands in the air and making a few steps towards him, "One would've thought that you two are engaged, instead!”
A dry chuckle made its way past his lips and he shook his head, trying to calm his mind. Gods knew he loved you more than life itself but in moments like these he questioned how fate decided to bring you together, considering you were polar opposites.
Gaara was a calm, collected, and reserved individual. He was extremely hard-working and devoted to his nation, so naturally every decision he made was always centered around the well-being of others. He always carefully considered all his options before acting, and rarely resolved to action, if the problem could be resolved peacefully with talks.
You ,on the other hand, were hot-headed, impulsive, and stubborn. Always acting before thinking, you often fail to consider anyone else's needs and wishes in moments like this, too blinded by your selfish desire and feeling of injustice. Unlike the red-headed shinobi, who you described as your "better half", you faced problems head-on, even if that meant you would regret it later.
There has always been some tension between you two, even since you met during your Chunin Exams, but no one believed you would get together, especially after Gaara went through his life-changing phase when he realised the importance of friends and family.
Yet, years later, here you were - a Leaf shinobi who transferred to Suna and was engaged to the Kazekage. Somehow your clashing personalities worked in harmony and you managed to bring the best out of each other.
Well, most of the time...
Today, after he decided to spend the whole day with Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi, thus resulting in him having to work through the evening, was not one of these times.
While the Leaf ninjas were your old comrades, it was not a secret that you did not share a close bond with them, especially with the blonde.
Naruto has openly vocalized his opinion that Gaara is too good for you and he can find a better, calmer half, who would compliment him as a future spouse of the Kazekage. He always made it clear that while he did not exactly hate you, he did not approve of you.
In response, you did not hide your thoughts about their friendship and the fact that your partner was giving him too much credit. Of course, Naruto did have some role in his decision to change for the better, but ultimately it was Gaara who did all the work. Additionally, the blonde was loud, assertive, and loved to poke his nose in other people's business, including your relationship.
"Y/N, enough!", your fiancé's voice boomed, his aura suddenly darker, "Do not talk about my friends like this!"
"Do you keep the same energy when he talks about me?", your brow raised, "When he says how I don't deserve you and tries to fill your head with the craziest ideas about us!"
Gaara let out a puff of air, before turning around and marching towards you. Stopping just a foot away, he lifted his hands towards you, laying them on your shoulder.
"I. Had. Enough!", he hissed each word through his teeth, a sign he was really pissed off at you now, "No one talks about you and no one is trying to fill my head with anything! I don't need anyone to tell me that we are incompatible when I can clearly see that myself!"
The insults and swears that were ready to fall from your mouth got stuck in your throat and your eyes widened for a few seconds, before narrowing again.
"What are you getting at?", this time your voice was quieter, but still with a note of challenge behind it.
Suddenly there was a spark of uncertainty behind his blue eyes. Slowly removing his hands from your body, he walked towards the window with his back facing you.
"I think we need a break. It's just... It's not working anymore", he murmured, gaze focused on the peaceful streets of Suna. He found it easier to say what he was thinking right now if he avoided looking at you.
A minute passed.
Gaara expected you to scream at him, swear at him, or even grab something from his desk and throw it at his head. But when he heard the door of his office opening and slamming shut, he jumped in surprise. Turning around, he found the spot where you were standing just a minute ago, empty, while your diamond ring shined lonely at the edge of his desk.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's strange how distorted a person's time perception becomes once they are eagerly waiting for something.
Two weeks, which usually flew by, given his busy schedule, now felt like an eternal nightmare for the young Kazekage. Eaten by the guilt of how your last conversation ended, he severely punished his mind and body by refusing to eat, drink, or socialize with anyone outside his work. He practically lived in his office and if it wasn't for Kankuro to send him to shower every morning, after working the whole night, he probably would had not set a foot outside.
This morning, however, he refused to do even that. You were supposed to come to report about your mission any moment now and he shifted nervously in his seat, mentally rehearsing the apology he wanted to say to you.
An hour passed.
Then two.
Gaara kept glancing towards the door, yet no one entered, except his secretary who kept dropping piles of paperwork on his desk. He tried to question if any ninjas have showed in the building today, but she kept shaking her head "no" with an apologetic smile on her lips.
Finally, just after noon, a small, barely audible knock reached his ear and he immediately straightened his posture and fixed his hair, before giving his response. His eyes gleamed with anticipation and he stood up, ready to greet you back home.
His, smile, however, quickly dropped once he saw that only one of your teammates, Bumi, entered his office. Covered in scratches across his face and hands, he looked like he had taken some rough beating not long ago. Gaara's blood froze.
If Bumi, the largest and the most skilled ninja in your squad, looked like this, what has happened to you?
"Lord Kazekage", the man greeted, before bowing his head. He made his way towards the desk and placed a tightly wrapped scroll on it, but his gaze remained cast downward.
"The report for our mission."
"Where is Y/N?", the red-headed ninja asked, not even glancing at the document given to him. He had a bad feeling about what was happening and Bumi's lack of eye contact and nervous twitching did not help to ease his worries.
Your teammate looked up, meeting Gaara's intense stare for just a second, before clearing his throat and focusing on his shoes again.
"She...", he stopped, nervously shifting his weight from one foot to another, "Um... she is not here at the moment."
"I can see that", the Kazekage pointed out, completely unamused, "Which is why I am asking - where is she?"
Bumi moved uncomfortably again, before letting out a sigh and taking a seat opposite his red-headed leader. His knee kept bouncing and he nervously shifted around his seat, before opening his mouth again:
"The Elders warned me not to tell you... yet."
Gaara's glare hardened and he crossed his fingers on top of his desk. Pressing his lips in a thin line, he took a deep breath, trying to calm the rising feeling of panic inside of him.
"You answer to me, not the Elders", he almost growled, his eyes not moving away from your teammate. His jaw tensed and that was enough of a sign for Bumi to spill out what was on his mind
"She is in the hospital", he blurted out and Gaara's breath hitched. His fingers started to tremble and he quickly placed them on his knees below his desk, a poor attempt to cover the shock that hit him when he heard the other male's words.
'Maybe it is just a check-up', he tried to reason in his head, 'maybe it is nothing too serious.'
Almost like he read his thoughts, Bumi decided to continue:
"It all happened so fast", he looked down, mentally reliving what happened just this morning, "We were on our way back when we were ambushed. Y/N... She has been acting weird the whole mission. She kept missing her shots and her reactions were slower than normal... I don't know what happened, but it was almost like she was not herself."
Cold sweat started forming on Gaara's temples and he felt his heart speeding inside his ribcage. He felt like he wanted to jump out of his seat and run to the hospital, but it was almost like his body was disconnected from his brain and it chose to stay frozen in place.
"So when this ninja swung his katana towards her stomach, it was too late for her to block it or move away...", Bumi gulped, his eyes now glossy, "The doctors said the cut was so deep, it damaged some of her insides too. And by the time we arrived, she also lost a ton of blood. They... They are not sure if she can make it."
Gaara always considered himself a man who knew what pain was. He has endured so much during his childhood, that he always thought nothing could hurt him anymore.
But the way his whole soul shattered the second he heard you may not make it, was a whole new type of pain. One that pointed its ugly finger to his face, screaming "It is all your fault!", while simultaneously creating feelings of rage and bloodthirst... feelings that stayed buried deep inside of him for years.
"Which village?", was all he said, his blue eyes now empty and staring at the blank wall at the opposite end of his office.
Bumi gulped, standing from his seat. The look on Gaara's face... He has not seen that look since their Chunin days. He was about to sneakily exit the office when the Kazekage's cold gaze fixated him on the spot.
"They had Leaf headbands...", he mumbled, before quickly adding, "But they could've gotten them from anywhere. I don't believe our allies-"
His words were interrupted by the Kazekage's hand which lifted in the air, cutting him mid-sentence. Getting up from his chair, he grabbed his hat, before walking past Bumi towards the door. Thousand different thoughts and ideas were racing through his brain about how he should deal with the situation, but they ultimately led to his need to see you straight away.
The last words he said to you kept echoing in his mind and he felt like throwing up. If he had shown up for your scheduled date night, if he had kept his tongue behind his teeth, if he had shown up at the gates the morning before you left... maybe you would be here, with him, instead of fighting for your life.
He knew he had to get to you, to be with you and somehow beg you to stay with him. But before that, he had one final request to make:
"Gather the Elders and the War Council", he instructed Bumi, while making his way past him, "Our alliance with the Leaf is over."
cc artwork: concept art for "Assassin's Creed: Mirage"
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Can I have a 11❤️ and 12❤️ fluffy fic for Ed please?
Also a 40❤️ and 41❤️ smutty fix for Leo?
Thank you! 😊
I had to choose between the Ed or Leo drabble, and since I had other similar Leo requests, I chose him, sorry 😭 I promise I'll write some fluff for Ed eventually (๑•́ ᎔ ก̀๑) and thank you for liking my writing!! It means the world to me <3
35❤️ A kiss against a wall
40❤️ An impulsive kiss
41❤️ A kiss out of spite
Warning: spicy and kinda dubcon (?) Nothing that explicit, but still: MDNI.
Leo was sucking on a blueberry lollipop. Loudly. His lips puckered as he pulled it out of his mouth with a loud and aggravating pop. He then held it right in front of your lips.
“Lick it” he said, flatly, his face portraying no emotion. You could see how his tongue was stained blue and so were the insides of his lips.
You glared at him.
“What the fuck do you think you're doing?” you hissed, wishing you could throw daggers through your eyes and into his acid yellow irises.
He had you uncomfortably pinned against the wall of his room, his thigh forcefully shoved between your legs and one arm planted right beside your head.
He was close. Way too close for comfort. You could smell his designer cologne and look into the pores on his face – all perfectly closed and moisturized. His sweet breath fanned your own cheeks and you knew you looked like his absolute opposite: sweaty, flustered and haggard. Your heart beat fast inside your ribcage, but at least you knew it wasn't because you were excited at this development.
No. You just were fucking angry.
Leo shrugged.
“You've been avoiding me all day on purpose. Like, ignoring my dms and all. I had to grab your attention somehow, duh.” he wiggled the lollipop in front of you again “Come ooon. Lick it.”
You shifted in your position, but Leo barely budged. Goddamn the stupid strength of these ghouls, you thought.
You tried turning your head away from him, but he followed your movement anyway, head tilting to the side as he forced himself to stay under your gaze. He batted his eyelashes as he managed to make eye contact with you again.
You groaned.
“Of course I'm ignoring you. I'm not a masochist that's going to accept all your insults.”
He pouted, putting the lollipop inside his mouth again to give it a harsh suck – purposefully making an extremely grating and embarrassing sound.
You knew what he was doing, but you refused to let him have the satisfaction of flustering you.
“You used to be such a good pet, you know” he shook his head, feigning hurt “You used to accept everything I said with a nod and an ‘okay’. Where's my old and nicer Honor Roll?”
You laughed bitterly.
“Even I have my limits, Leo. I'm not going to give all my time and energy to some wannabe playboy influencer who can't do anything but be fake and mean.”
That seemed to have peeved him a bit more than you were expecting. You swallowed hard as you watched his gaze become bitterly cold. He pushed his thigh further against you.
“I said. Fucking lick it.” he murmured through gritted teeth, pushing the lollipop inside your mouth once you gasped at the friction of his thigh between your legs.
You hesitantly closed your lips, the artificial blueberry taste quickly coating your mouth as he rubbed it against your tongue.
“Suck it.” he began pushing the candy further into your mouth and you quickly complied, afraid he'd push too far just to make you gag.
You sucked the lollipop and a smirk slowly tugged the corner of Leo's mouth upwards. He patted your head once the hard candy was out of your mouth with a pop as well.
“Why are you doing this?” you asked, breathlessly, while he stuck out his tongue, making a show of putting the candy, now coated with your saliva, back inside his mouth.
You grimaced when he hummed loudly. It was awful, having to admit to yourself that this little stunt of his was arousing you, as you felt an uncomfortable heat pool in your groin.
However, as you looked down, you realized how Leo was anything but unaffected as well – the tent in his pants was very much visible, and you gasped.
He grinned maniacally, extremely pleased at how you had noticed the bulge in his pants. Quickly, he pressed his hips against yours and grinded shamelessly, moaning pornographically right next to your ear.
You closed your eyes tightly, trying to ground yourself so you wouldn't fall straight into his trap just because you got excited, of all things. You wouldn't allow this humiliation.
“Open your eyes” he mumbled breathlessly with the candy still inside his mouth “I have to have your eyes on me, otherwise none of this will be worth it” he completed, and you had a feeling he wasn't just talking about humping you like some horny teenager.
You breathed deeply as he kept on grinding against your core slowly, further awakening an unwanted pleasure in you.
“You hate me, Leo” you whispered against his cheek while he rested his forehead against your shoulder.
He giggled.
“And I love hating you” he raised his head, mumbling his words against the corner of your lips before taking the lollipop out of his mouth to place a kiss on your cheek.
“Fuck you.” you growled.
“I would like you to help me do that.” Leo moaned, as if your hatred towards him brought him great pleasure.
Without actually putting much thought into your actions, you snatched the lollipop out of his hand, placing it against your lips and pushing it against his.
Leo's eyes widened as your tongue swirled against the candy and prodded against his own lips. A satisfied chuckle resounded inside his chest once he understood what you were doing, and he quickly followed your movements.
You felt filthy as you kissed Leo, sharing the lollipop between your tongue and his. You two sucked and licked the candy, drool stained blue running down to your chins, and Leo whined against your mouth.
Like a whore, you thought.
You broke the kiss first, eyeing how his lips were fully stained blue, and you thought that yours probably looked the same. As you threw the accursed lollipop in the trash nearby, the realization finally hit you.
Brilliant. Now that both of you had blueberry coloring all over your mouths, anyone who looked at you would probably guess something might have happened between you two.
You rolled your eyes and groaned, slapping your hand against your forehead as you realized you, indeed, ended up falling straight into his trap, no matter how much you tried to avoid it.
He smiled devilishly, grabbing your hand and placing it against his painfully hard bulge. You bit your lip, stifling whatever aggravating noise could come out of your mouth.
“Now that it's come to this, you could just stay and fuck me like you said you would, hm?” he pleaded, all brightly doe eyed and feigned innocence.
“I never said that.” you spat.
“No?” he placed a finger on his chin, pensive “Funny, I could swear you said ‘Fuck you’.”
You widened your eyes at his nonsensical words. You opened your mouth to protest, but then immediately closed it, with a sigh.
There was simply no way to go against Leo when he wanted something and he knew that, if the wicked grin plastered on his face was anything but a sign.
He grabbed your hands and pulled you towards his bed.
“Next time, Honor Roll, you better think twice before ignoring me.” he declared, and you begrudgingly agreed. You had learned it the hardest way.
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Always been a bit confused on Laura past, you hint here and there, something about a nunnery and how that made despise God and the church. So, what exactly happened to her to make the way she did. Also was Hans the one who bit her or some other werewolf?
Alright, I do realize most people might not be aware of her story considering I never really made a post about it and I deleted the fic of her backstory bc I didn't like it, so I'll summarize it here!
And no, she wasn't bitten by Hans. She is older than him by half a century or so
Laura's backstory/timeline masterpost
⚠️⚠️ TW for: sexual assault, religious abuse, victim blaming, emotional abuse, and VERY long babbling
1735 - Human life:
Laura is the eldest daughter of Jean Chastel and Anne Charbonnier. She was born in Gévaudan (now in the department of Haute-Loire) on the 24th of December 1735.
She was her father's favorite child, due to her and her mother surviving a difficult birth. This also led to her mother putting her a bit aside considering her father doted on her "like a son", taught her to read and write, and allowed her to not marry due to her disinterest in men (they both just thought she was chaste because of religion) and work with him in the fields, at the inn and other places. She learned French and Occitan.
Laura was brought up catholic, as most people in 18th century France, but she was particularly devout and religious. She was teased as a child for it, spending a lot of time in church and confessionals, which didn't help because her father didn't have the best reputation (he was nicknamed "de la masca", Occitan for "of the witch".) She started to pick up on Latin, though it was extremely rudimentary. Her overly religious attitude annoyed her own family sometimes, and their lack of emotional support led her to become a bit naive and confide a lot in religious authority figures.
She was an extremely diligent girl, always making sure her chores were finished and her work wasn't interrupted. That led to her sometimes putting her own health at risk in harsh winters, or disregarding people's warnings.
1758 - Bite:
Early spring of 1758; Laura was 22 when she was herding cattle near a clearing. She ignored the warning of the other villagers of wolf sightings, because the attacks were rare and she had a cattledog with her anyway. However, it turns out the villagers were right - safe for a few details.
Laura was attacked by a feral werewolf that scratched her stomach and bit her on the forearm after she put it up to not let it tear her throat out. A few of the village men were alerted by the commotion of her yells, the dog and cattle, and they managed to drive the werewolf off before it could devour her.
Sadly, she was now infected, and it showed, when in the next two weeks she was writhing in agony at the transformation that somehow healed her wounds and left big, ugly scars. People were starting to be afraid, wondering what the hell was going on. Her father was running around trying to find doctors with what money he had. Most locals dismissed the idea of a werewolf and thought she just had rabies, but the symptoms picked up by the doctors didn't support that hypothesis. Laura herself was going through it, spending hours upon hours of praying and reciting scripture and reading the Bible in hopes of a cure. The locals started to treat it as something you shouldn't talk about, considering how odd and ugly the details were, and people were avoiding the building where she was kept.
After about a month of very painful confusion, after her condition started to appear more supernatural than medical, Jean decided 'fuck it' and stuffed her in a carriage with a couple other men, before bringing her to a remote abbey.
1758 - The abbey:
Laura was brought to a remote Benedictine monastery, where 12 monks resided. She was welcomed at first, with suspicion of demonic possession, and given a room in the sub-level of the abbey.
Exorcism and purification rituals were routine, as well as the already implemented practices of the abbey. Laura was very willing to go with all of it, putting her trust in them, especially considering her awful mental state at that point.
However, about six months in, one of the men there went to her room at night and assaulted her. The others were alerted because of the commotion during imposed hours of silence. When they were found out, though, she was the one blamed for "seducing" the monk, because he was one of the "most devout" of them. A small scuffle ensued, and the abbot decided to give them both a "pardon" as long as they did a bit more service as penance, since they were "both in the wrong". After this, her relationship with the monks soured more and more.
The exorcisms stopped after a year in or so, since they saw no signs of improvement (and judged her no threat). She was however to stay at the monastery for the safety of others. Laura felt terribly alone, considering not only the fact that the abuse continued in secret but also that she was treated as basically a feral dog to be wary of, and just being a lost young woman surrounded by men that started to look at her with contempt. She considered escaping several times in her stay; however, each time she was either caught trying to sneak out or was too scared to go with it, fearing judgement from God for disobedience.
The abuse became well known some years in, but once again no one did anything, either being told by the abbot to keep it down and not talk about filth within the house of God, or spoken about by a handful of the men who took advantage of her fear and silence to vent out their frustrations. Their initial duty towards her was basically brushed aside and discarded, and they kept her around and subjugated for fear of her condition. Her lack of menstruation and fertility (because of the lycanthropy) were also attributed to her being a "wicked creature", that she needed to stay in here to be forgiven by God, or else her resistance to holy cleansing would be noticed by the Lord.
This went on for years. 6 years, 5 months and 13 days to be exact, of Laura begging for God's help and mercy, which at first was her begging for a cure to her condition so she'd be in His graces again, to her wanting it just so she could escape the abbey, to eventually praying for the monks not to hurt her anymore or at least lose interest, to her just begging to die because she was so afraid and hungry from not getting any of the meat that her body demanded (of course, she couldn't die of starvation or sickness, thanks to regeneration). Her biggest fear was that she was beginning to doubt God. Her faith in the monks was completely dead by the fifth year, but she was also starting to doubt anyone would save her. She also started to despise her father for bringing her here in the first place.
This all culminated to one night, after the monastery doors were closed, when one of the monks had just finished his little "escapade" in her room. He was about to get out and she got up, barely dressed and dirty, and started to call him out. He slapped and started to berate her, but she didn't listen, and jumped at him. His screams and pleas were ignored, because the others learned not to mind them. She devoured him, and all her pent up rage and fear turned into bloodlust, as she mauled each one of them and devoured them like cattle. Nothing but scraps of bone were left by the morning. This is when she got enough strength for her first transformation. By now, her fear of God turned into sheer resentment, spite and hatred, and she felt no apprehension at disobeying Him- in fact, she was going to do it on purpose, because He can go fuck Himself for not helping a helpless, desperate girl that was suffering right under His nose by His own men, especially when Laura had been such a devout Christian for so long.
1765 - Escape, start of the killings:
Laura broke out of the abbey in her wolf form, embracing her anger completely (for lack of any other emotion that served any purpose other than wanting to let herself die). She ventured out until she found civilization (eating a few travelers on the way), and found a young girl, Marie-Jeanne Valet, herding cows. She wanted to be discreet, but the reminder of her own human self (that she came to despise), and lunged at her. However Laura was driven off by the girl who managed to wound her with a homemade spear she was carrying to defend herself from the other wolf stalking the area (the same one that bit Laura). This drove Laura off, and what officially sparked the start of the hysteria.
Laura never transformed back into a human form for the duration of the terror. About a hundred deaths were attributed to her, but she killed way more in actuality.
In September 1765, Marie-Jeanne's recount of the attack and the subsequent hysteria reached the ears of the king, who sent one of his hunters, François Antoine, to kill the beast with his soldiers. However, they only killed the other werewolf in the area, which left Laura without a rival for food and did not stop the slaughter.
Battues and hunts were routine by now. Laura relished in outsmarting/overpowering each faction sent after her, starting to kill out of spite rather than food, picking off the weak and vulnerable and taunting the hunters by shrugging off their bullets like it was nothing, and her skin was starting to go from toughened to just impenetrable. Some preachers were talking about how the beast was a sign of the end of times, or how it's a punishment sent by God, and it made her so mad to be affiliated to Him that she ate those guys in broad daylight.
1767 - end of the terror:
This continued until the 19th of June 1767, when Jean Chastel took the head of a hunt for the beast, accompanied by a few men and their hounds.
It was three days of stalking and tracing, with a few bodies the beast left uneaten specifically to taunt them, until they stumbled on her in a clearing.
Laura mauled two of the hunters accompanying Chastel. Jean, however, had noted that normal weapons didn't seem to do much damage to it. So, a week prior, he had melted a silver medallion of the Virgin Mary into a mullet for his rifle. While the beast prepared to turn around and attack him, he cocked his rifle, aimed, and pulled the trigger. The bullet went through its left shoulder and out the chest; its howl resonated through the forest when it fell, and the hunting hounds were quick to attack as it limped off. Jean got a good look in the beast's eyes when he shot it, and familiarity washed over him- a feeling that would haunt him on his deathbed.
Laura, on the other hand, limped off into the forest and turned back into a woman for the first time in a couple years. Her heart had been shot out by the silver, and she was severely wounded; by all accounts she should've died, since silver is the one thing werewolves are weak to.
But somehow, she didn't, either out of sheer spite and stubbornness or because of a twisted joke by the universe.
Records of a "Laura Chastel" were scrapped from the archives on Jean's own request, likely out of guilt, and the more supernatural elements of the attacks were dismissed as rumors of scared, superstitious crowds.
1769 to 1995 - pre-Hellsing:
It took Laura over a year to properly recover her strength. This attack had not only done her body grievous damage, but also her psyche, at seeing her own father be the one to attempt and kill her- she already resented him, but it added a whole new layer of damage.
This also knocked her anger and arrogance down a couple of pegs. She had grown too greedy and reckless, and retaliation had been inevitable, which is a lesson she learned from that.
So, she grew more discreet and learned to be a proper wild animal - stay out of sight, snatch your prey, leave the area, stalk the shadows.
During the French Revolution, she recovered a lot of strength, due to eating and stealing the dumped bodies of those executed by the revolutionaries. She didn't care for the ideology or the impact on civilization at all, considering she grew to dislike humans and see them as her natural enemies/predators, but she did enjoy the chaos because it took any attention off her.
Her early years were more of her staying in the wilderness, only approaching humans either to eat, or to take her boredom off by seducing women - which she got better at doing overtime.
Late 19th and early 20th century she had started to come closer to civilization. She picked up a penchant for drinking, despite not being able to get drunk, and was often seen as a strange, shady homeless woman. In towns, she would pretend to be passed out in lone alleys to attract men and get a quick snack. She would also sometimes seduce women just to use their showers for warm water or get some clothes.
In ww2, she didn't do much out of her routine. During the invasion of France, she didn't care much for what was happening, but grew quite annoyed with the invading forces. She ate quite a lot of nazis, especially those camping in forest areas or those that came to bother her when she was in town, and made sure to avoid getting attention drawn to her. Most of the deaths were attributed to local resistance.
1995 - Battle against Alucard and invitation to Hellsing:
in the early spring of 1995, Laura had made the mistake of leaving the corpses of two British hikers in a place where they could be found, and another one of killing a Protestant pastor. The affair reached Hellsing, who saw the hints of possible supernatural threat in the case.
Alucard was sent to the town where the pastor had been killed, to investigate. Laura sensed the danger from miles away (a bit of a given, he has a freaky aura), and tried to lose him in the crowd. After failing and seeing him keep up the trial, she lured him out into the woods where they wouldn't be disturbed.
The fight started at around 11pm, in the middle of the woods. Laura knew he wasn't a normal person at first sight of course, but she didn't know the extent of Alucard's powers or of Hellsing at all. She had dealt with a few vampires that infringed on her territory already, but they were easy game, so she just opted to tear his head off and be done with it. Alucard, being the asshole gentleman he is, humored her and let her tear him to shreds to give her false hope and then reform as if nothing had happened. Laura was kinda freaked out by this when he did, but the shock quickly wore off because it just began to piss her off.
The real fight started when he pulled out the Casull. Laura knows silver is her weakness, and even if she grew somewhat of a mild resistance over the years she's not one to experiment. Alucard was starting to get interested after the first thirty minutes of her holding her own against him. He taunted her the entire time of course, but he grew more and more intrigued because of how fun she was to fight, and her abilities were obviously above any average werewolf. When she transformed, it was double the excitement because now he gets to brawl with a kaiju.
The fight went on for hours. Dawn was approaching when they were both starting to tire, and Alucard decided to end it. After many efforts, he aligned the gun and shot her straight in the heart, making her fall mid-attack and transform back into a human.
She was writhing in agony on the floor, literally clinging to life with teeth and nails, and Alucard started to approach her. He admitted to a good fight, and did his whole speech thing after he beats an opponent he likes, but his bravado was interrupted when she grabbed onto his leg to hoist herself up. He was surprised into silence for a moment, seeing the fire in her eyes, not only that but seeing her alive, because she's not going to get killed by this asshole, not now, not ever, and God help her if she allows him to harm her like this-
Alucard caught her when she lost consciousness, seeing her still not die despite the gaping hole where her heart should be. He pauses, and decides this is just too interesting an opportunity to pass up.
1995-1999 - pre-canon:
Laura woke up three days after in one of the guest bedrooms in the mansion, cleaned, tended and dressed in one of Alucard's shirts. Speaking of, he was sitting in the room waiting for her to wake up, like he did with Seras.
Laura was confused out of her mind, and thought she actually died because no fucking way. A brief verbal scuffle ensued (mostly on Laura's end), before he left the room to report to Integra, and also to tell her he drank Laura's blood to access her memories, just to make sure she wasn't affiliated with Millenium or anything related, considering the last time he saw a werewolf was the Captain, and instead found a goldmine of information on werewolves and the mystery of the beast of Gévaudan, and considered it would be a great new addition to Hellsing's arsenal. He had left Laura in the room alone, assuming she was too weak to do anything.
She wasn't, apparently, because Walter came in a dozen minutes later to say he had to wire her up after she tried to escape again and almost mauled one of the guards (but ultimately left no injury).
Integra was pissed, so she went to have a little chat. Laura said she'd comply if Walter and Alucard left, leaving them face to face.
Integra explained her situation, who she was and what was going to happen. Basically, Laura had two choices: either she joins and swears her civility in the organization, or Alucard finishes her off after they gather what information they need from her body. Laura was kind of pissed at being put between a rock and a hard place, but Integra also promised, if she were to choose the former and be obedient, to ensure her safety and protection, as well as feeding and clothing her. The added bonus that her bodily autonomy would be respected and that their rival is the Catholic Church is what tipped the scales.
Laura accepted to join, and a few weeks later she was assigned the role of a maid. Integra had to report her existence to her superiors, of course, but decided to keep her a secret from her enemies, so she gave her a seemingly inconspicuous position. It also helped because Laura, due to her trauma in the abbey, has trouble staying inside or being stuck in rooms without doing anything, and it occupies her because she's already pretty good at cooking and cleaning from helping her father out at his inn some two centuries ago. Integra had given her a small silver cross to wear, an artifact made by Van Helsing from melted medallions of St. Patrick, that acted as a much weaker version of Alucard's seals.
This was the start of her life at Hellsing, that she actually grew to somewhat appreciate because of not having to worry for survival every day. She started out as cold and hostile, but eventually allowed Integra and Walter to come a bit closer to her. She sees Walter as a pretty alright man since he knows not to push her and is very respectful, and she grew more and more intrigued by Integra as a person, which resulted in (quite unhealthy) romantic feelings towards her for the simple reason that Integra treats her as a living thing. The cross also became more of a decoration than anything over time.
She mostly takes care of the mansion, but sometimes can go out and decimate some ghouls for enrichment. Anyone that tries to break in and manages to get past the guards also finds themselves face to face with her.
By now she is only loyal to Integra (not even the organization, only because Integra is there) and obeys her because of her own willingness and feelings, and Walter is maybe her favorite coworker. She sees Alucard as a bothersome fellow fucked up creature, and still hasn't forgiven him for drinking her blood without her consent but overall tolerates him most of the time. Seras is a new addition; Laura sees her as a very naive and inexperienced girl, and maybe underestimates and infantilizes her a bit, but overall doesn't mind her presence. She despises the Iscariot with no exception, and Millenium by default.
That brings her to the current timeline, let's hope nothing bad happens.
#tw french people#laura chastel#hellsing oc#my oc#oc rambling#oc backstory#long post#tw rape#tw sex assault#tw sa#tw abuse#cw abuse#cw religious trauma#ALL FICTIONAL#how many of these do I need to put#yes she went thru it#when the monster is someone who the community failed to protect>>>>>>>>>>#me when I get to add symbolism to each scene: heeheehoohoo#alucard when he sees someone that wants to kill him oh so fucking bad: you're coming home with me#this is so long. I should've just posted this on ao3 good lord
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Can you write the DMC boys with a half-devil fem reader who still has problem controlling her demonic half and keeping it in line?
Like her demonic side can easily be triggered by her strongest emotions ranging from sorrow, fear and anger. If her emotions reaches a certain point, the demonic will take advantage to take over, tearing itself out of its host to make its presence known to its victims.
Or it can be because of irregular hormone patterns, which can explain how she can devil trigger during that time of the month randomly
The first time she triggered, it was when she had found out about her father’s infidelity when she was a teenager and it triggered all emotions at once, specifically from disgust to sorrow to rage in a chronological order. Because of the irregular shifts of her emotions all happening at once, making it an easy passageway for the devil to take charge of her, turning it into a gore fest to enact its vengeance against her father and his mistress for wrecking her family.
(You know how teenager’s emotions are easily triggered by hormones right? So yeah, her demonic side had it easy when she was younger due to how emotional she was)
And now when she’s older, she had much more control over it, but sometimes, she finds it hard to control herself, considering she can possibly trigger due to surges of adrenaline. If she gets too excited, horny, etc then yeah…devil trigger time
And when she devil triggers…it’s going to be everyone’s problem
So yeah, God basically decided to play favorites and chose a woman whose emotions and hormones that are easily triggered to be able to shift into a homicidal devil-spawn who lives off of goring some poor bastards that may or may have not accidentally breathed way too loud to its liking and now everyone had to deal with it
———————————————————————————
P/S: Her devil trigger form looks just like Chainsaw man from the manga with the same name if u don’t mind
Of course!
Sparda boys + V x Fem!Struggling half-devil!Reader headcannons
¤ Dante ¤
-You're a real basketcase who could transform into a bloodthirsty devil at any given moment, so he's careful not to do anything that would send your emotions into overdrive.
-Still, things like this are hard to prevent, and you do end up Truggering quite frequently.
-Dante has found a way to tie you down and keep you from causing too much trouble, but it's a pain in the butt and usually ends with him sporting several major injuries.
-Your demon has taken a liking to him, though, and over time, opts for a less violent, yet extremely draining activity until it calms down and you go back to normal, if you know what I mean.
-Dante does his best to keep up, but that demon is powerful, it's exhausting even him, the legendary devil hunter.
-With persistence, however, you guys manage to get your demon side a little more under control, even if change if minimal.
■ Vergil ■
-Vergil saw how easy it was for you to lose control, and fearing for your own safety, he decided to train you.
-He works with you, helping you through any mental obstacles in the hopes that this will help you get a better grip on your literal tormentor.
-His ideas don't always work, but the majority of the time, they do.
-When your demon gets out, he won't try to restrain you because he knows that will just make you more agitated. Instead, he somehow gets your Triggered self to sit down with him and just talk (or growl) your issues out.
-Vergil is the only one who can keep your Devil Trigger from going on a bloodthirsty killing spree, and he's all the more terrifying for that.
□ Nero □
-Nero can sense when you're about to Trigger and tackles you right as you turn.
-This keeps your devil form from rocketing off at the speed of light, which, if allowed to happen, is very bad.
-Sometimes he has to use his own DT to keep yours pinned to the ground. This whole situation looks stupid as hell, but at least it works.
-He gives both you and your DT plenty of hugs and encouraging words to try and calm you down.
-This works, really well, and over time, your DT becomes noticably more docile around him.
-It's still insanely violent towards everyone else, so Nero needs to put you into isolation as soon as your Trigger, or there will be bloodshed.
● V ●
-V was rather frightened of you very large and obviously insanely powerful DT when he first saw it.
-Over time, however, V grews to find your DT beautiful, in its own gargoyle-ish way.
-He reminded himself whenever he gets scared that it was still you under all that and that he should try to help you instead of cowering in fear.
-So he tried, and even though there was little he could do given his physical condition, with his words. he managed to get you to stay wit him instead of running off.
-Your DT is now as calm with him as his own familiars are with him. It would be cute, if you weren't a hulking monster.
-V tries his best to keep your emotions under control, but when hormones kick in, he can only stand back and watch, hoping your DT recognizes him and chooses to stay by his side.
#Dmc#Dmc5#devil may cry#devil may cry 5#dmc dante#dmc vergil#dmc nero#dmc v#dmc5 dante x reader#dmc5 dante#dmc5 vergil#dmc5 nero#dmc5 v#dante x reader#vergil x reader#nero x reader#v x reader#dmc dante x reader#dmc vergil x reader#dmc nero x reader#dmc v x reader#dmc5 v x reader#headcanons#dmc x reader#dmc x reader headcannons#Requested#thanks for requesting#icycoldninja writes
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She calls Harry about his questionable lyrics but when she becomes bffs with Niall she’s gonna be calling him about the heartbreaking lyrics once she finds Flicker😭
Hiii lovey!! Oh god I feel for her when she discovers Flicker the song and the album 🥺🙈 💖
-find all things Southern Comfort here✨
Imagine if she’s listening to it with Harry like let’s say Paper Houses comes on her “Precious Babies” playlist that she made of all their solo stuff. Harry is sitting in her living room and she’s in the kitchen just waiting for her timer to go off for a batch of brownies or something and she hears Niall sing “so turn your head…and let us go..” and she just loses it because it’s her first time hearing the song and it’s so pretty but also so damn heartbreaking. So naturally Harry shoots up off the couch and goes into the kitchen and at first he doesn’t know why she’s upset but that doesn’t really matter he just wraps his arms around her shoulders and pulls her into a hug. Then he hears what song is playing and it clicks for him, he kinda always knew when she made her way to Niall’s stuff this would be her reaction to it because he just writes some extremely emotional songs. She would just let Harry hold her for a bit before she wipes her eyes and he loosens his hold on her so she can reach into her back pocket and grab her phone.
“Niall James Horan you better explain yourself.” Is all she’d say once the Irishman answers her FaceTime call, she would turn around in Harry’s arms so her back is against his chest and Niall is just wide eyed at her puffy eyes and red cheeks but he can faintly hear his song playing in the background giving him some sort of idea why she’s upset with him. “Muffin…why is this song so sad?” Her voice would be low and a little scratchy from crying and Niall would struggle not to get get upset over the fact his song somehow managed to make her this sad and he also would decide right then and there that he doesn’t like how his nickname sounds when she’s sad. He’d look behind her and of course she’d notice so she’d lift the phone up a bit so Harry was now in view as well.
“Yeah Niall…explain yourself…why’s this song so bloody sad?” Harry would ask but Niall would just roll his eyes at his bestfriend because he can see Harry trying his best to hold back a smile as he playfully glares at him through the phone. “Making her cry while she’s baking…that’s not very polite mate.” Harry would add earning him a middle finger from Niall who then would get a glare from her making his cheeks get pink because even though she wasn’t Niall’s girlfriend or whatever it is she is of Harry’s, he still doesn’t like getting fussed at by her.
#southern comfort extras#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles fluff#harry styles series#harry styles blurb#harry styles imagine#harry styles x reader#Harry styles x southern!reader#harry styles x you#harry styles x y/n#harry styles x fem!reader#harry styles fic#harry styles#one direction fanfiction#my little lanky baby#niall horan#my little irish marshmallow
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Hi honey, I have to say I love your stuff. You write absolutely great. Could you do a headcannon on BoB and what type of love would you give them? I mean love at first sight, enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, etc. I'd be happiest with Winters and Nixon and Speirs, but do what you will. Thank you.
A/n: here you go my love. When I finally re read the request I realized you might have wanted the pov's reversed but it was too late. Hopefully it's not too bad. I will happily switch it to reader pov if you wish.
Warnings:fluff
Masterlist
Richard winters
-friends to lovers. I don't think that this man thought of romance when he first met you. Attractive? Most definitely. However he had bigger things preoccupying his mind. Yet somehow at some point, you wiggled your way to being one of his best friends. Don't tell nix. Something about you practically scrambled his brain. He doesn't know when in the friendship he fell or if he fell in the very beginning. But when he realized just how much he loved you it was like he jumped off a cliff without a parachute. He knew right then and there you were it for him. He probably felt nervous telling you due to the fact that he never gave off the impression that he likes you. But let's just say the feelings were reciprocated.
"Dick, I have been flirting with you this whole time."
"Really??"
Lewis nixon
- love at first sight. This man took one look at you and said yes. He may not immediately start flirting with you out of respect, but he will damn well be tied to your finger. Will always open doors for you, and give you his coat when you're cold. So many acts of services. At one point you two were at a bar and some private made his way to your side to start a flirty conversation where he swears he got to hands'y. He knew that you were single but he was extremely jealous nonetheless. Eventually he had to leave to get some air. You followed shortly to catch up with him. You confronted him asking what has gotten into him as of late. He never wanted it to come out like this but it sort of just spilled out of him. He rambled on about his feelings before you cut him off with a kiss and a huge grin on your face.
"Shut up nix and take me on a date"
Ronald speirs
-Distance attraction, I don't know what to call it, this is the closest I can get. It just feels right. Basically, Speirs isn't quite love at first sight, he's the guy who needs to really get to know you to start building a relationship like that. However this man has a MASSIVE crush on you. But he's too prideful to say anything seeing how simping for someone isn't exactly in Ron's profile. He just admires you from a distance while simultaneously stuffing his emotions deep down. Much better in his book. Yet he still does his very best to be by your side at every moment possible even though he spends a lot of time trying not to think about how perfect you are. It's you who makes the first move. You obviously like him and you know he does too. It's obvious to everyone but no-one says a single word. And before you can finish telling him if he wants to go out some time, he's already agreeing.
"Yes"
"What?"
"You free Friday?"
Carwood lipton
-childhood friends to lovers. He was the boy next door. You two were friends from first grade through college. Sharing secrets, sleepovers, getting into mischief. Car started crushing on you when you two were teenagers. Said crush continued all the way until you two volunteer to join the paratroopers. War was hell but you seemed to make it just a little bit more manageable. His life in the war picked up significantly and he had a freight train worth of responsibility placed on his shoulders. Yet you never left his side. It wasn't until Austria that he confessed his feelings. He almost felt sick when he told you in fear of losing his best friend. It was short sweet at straight to the point. You were silent for what felt like an eternity. Lip almost took off in fear of rejection. He was stopped in his tracks by the sound of your laughter. He turned to hear you laughing with the biggest smile on your face.
"Clifford carwood Lipton, do you know how long I've been waiting for those words"
Joseph Leibgott
-Enemies to lovers. Your relationship started off Rocky. Your personality clashed and having a civilized conversation was seemingly impossible. Every time your paths crossed it was filled with banter, insults and tension. Sometimes it got to the point where someone needed to intervene. When you would walk into the same room that Joe would be in it's like the air seemed to thicken. The cold stares and passive aggressive comments. As the war progressed your comments never faulted but the tension you ask? It could be felt by an entire room. And all that hate seemed to not leave as bad as a taste in your mouth. Joe knew from the start that he hated and loved you. You know the type of enemies to lovers where it's like 'she's mine' and 'who did this to you?' It's giving that. He got so fed up with replacements trying to whisk you away so he simply grabbed you by the waist and kissed you.
"Don't lever leave with one of them alright sweetheart?"
"Wasn't planning on it"
#band of brothers#band of brothers fanfic#band of brothers headcanon#band of brothers x reader#richard winters#lewis nixon#ronald speirs#carwood lipton#joe liebgott#richard winters x reader#lewis nixon x reader#carwood lipton x reader#joseph liebgott x reader
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Veilguard 3/?
slowly, slowly, I'm getting better at combat
it is, however, a bad idea to start with ranged attack companions only and have the melee companions enter the stage much later - the way the enemies focus solely on Rook make playing a ranged character really, really frustrating, especially at an early stage. DODGE DODGE DODGE DODGE attack DODGE DODGE DODGE
the lack of respect for previous established lore and worldbuilding actually makes me appreciate Inquisition more
which is strange because I always thought that DAI was the weakest game, writing-wise (though I've spent a looooot of time playing it)
Inquisition was very chantry-focused, but that actually tied in very neatly with the back story. In retrospect, it gave the game some much-needed direction
the companions are all palatable but bland. They were a bit overdone in DAO, extremely but gloriously extra in DA2, and interesting and distinctive (and partly divisive) in DAI
same goes for Rook. The inquisitor was also lacking a personality and was heavily criticized for it, which was why I had actually been hoping for a prologue much like the one the Warden got (or Hawke). Does Rook even have a family? Who the fuck knows. Makes it even harder to develop an emotional tie to them
the Lighthouse feels lifeless, Skyhold was much more interesting
in short, there are very few aspects where I feel that DAV actually comes out on top of the list. Ask again later
for all the diverse options in the character creator, they somehow didn't manage to include a cup size larger than B. I imagine they probably thought of it like a fuck you to that part of the gamer crowd that so loves to objectify female characters in video games, like they tried hard to be the antithesis to the male gaze, but as a big-breasted woman, i feel it's fairly ridiculous that you can add vitiligo to your skin and have six varieties of freckles, bulges, and top surgery scars, but limit the breast size. FYI: A lot more women in Europe and the US have a C, D, or E cup respectively (European sizes) than A.
I get that they chose to only include characters from previous games whose fate was unchangeable through player choice, like Dorian or Isabella, but it feels like such a waste to just have the rest of them fade into obscurity. It creates a void. I think they should have taken the risk of making Veilguard less independent and more like a follow-up to the rest of the franchise. Then again, they did what they thought would create the biggest sales. BUT it would have raised the replayability score for sure because you would have played a different rook for each of your Dragon Age Keep world states.
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Tumblr is VERY Piscean and I think it’s absolutely beautiful.
Today I woke up thinking about how Tumblr has been the only website out there where I can share longer writings of mine and get them noticed and appreciated by merely including hashtags. The niche as a writer that I am falling into is extremely unconventional- it’s vulnerable personal accounts of my life, contextualized by astrology that naturally most want to come from me. And I am very grateful for anyone who resonates with my frequency and appreciates my messages, because I know I’m basically out here trauma dumping😂, and to happen across other people who are here for both that and astrology, is surely a rarity!
I was feeling grateful enough for Tumblr this morning to get the idea to look up when this site was launched. I was curious just what were the open-minded dynamics, so accepting of emotional vulnerability, that characterize Tumblr. To my pleasant surprise, Google informed me that Tumblr was launched at the very beginning of Pisces Season- meaning that it’s just about to have its birthday.
But that wasn’t all. Tumblr’s conception chart (with time unknown, but at least city known) is likely the most Piscean chart I have personally ever seen. 💖 Every single personal planet except Mars is in Pisces (and maybe it’s a good thing Mars didn’t join this party😂). All this Piscean energy seems to create a realm where I can find others as if I’m divinely guided by the Universal spirit which connects us all.
There’s vast yet connected territory here, because Pisces is the very undercurrent that runs through all of society. It’s the 12th and final sign, so it holds a little understanding of them all. 💧
Pisces holds so much power, it just holds it graciously. And often inconspicuously.
Pisces also explains why I was just realizing I see so many emojis included in informative astro Tumblr posts, compared to other sites. I’d been wondering if Cancer had a hand in this somehow (I myself am a Cancer Mercury, and please don’t ask me to not include emojis in my writing😂). But Pisces really makes a lot of sense too. Both Cancer and Pisces energy want to show expression in emotional terms… and emojis are so good for that. ❤️
And jeez, Tumblr still has relevance after seventeen years?! What other social media sites can you manage to say that about?? 🤔 This really shows the fluid and mutable ability of Pisces to adapt.
The Moon and Venus in Pisces in Tumblr’s conception chart really create an expression of Pisces energy that’s especially accepting and open to emotional vulnerability. And personally, they are trine my Moon in Scorpio, explaining even more why Tumblr-ites can stomach any sharing of my trauma. 😂 As if that wasn’t beautiful enough, the Pisces Sun in this chart is on my Pisces ascendant. No wonder I feel this is the only site I’ve so far found that gives me and my writing a place to shine. 🌞
Mercury retrograde in Pisces could be seen by some as indicative of a site where not the most comprehensively informative nor practical writing is shared. But I see it as indicative of a site where writing that makes people reflect on their emotions, grow their imagination, and even feel open to the web of Spirit connecting us all, is shared. I’ve long been fascinated and often admired a Mercury in “detriment” because it brings Jupiter’s realm up into Mercury’s realm; merging areas that can relate to the concepts of “left brain” and “right brain”, sometimes in amazing ways. And Mercury retrograde just gives us more opportunities for inward reflection. I love that posts can stay relevant here for ages, as we keep coming back to reflect upon them.
Jupiter is at home in Sagittarius in Tumblr’s profoundly Piscean conception chart, and aspecting some of those Pisces placements, so I think you can say this chart is extremely Jupiterian in every way. Personally, I’m so here for the expansive energy. 🏹 There are many ways to grow your philosophies hanging around on this site.
And I should mention that Uranus is also with the group of powerful forces for love and oneness hanging out in Pisces, because this is a revolution.
Thanks to the North Node also in Pisces in Tumblr’s chart, lending extra forward motion to this whole movement, I’d say exploring Jupiter territory, most colored by the loving, accepting, and spirit-recognizing side of Jupiter that is Pisces, is a perfectly appropriate direction for this site to only go deeper in.
Happy Birthday (tomorrow), Tumblr! Thanks for providing a meeting ground for beautiful, inclusive souls who can learn from each other.
#astrology blog#astro tumblr#astrology#zodiac side of tumblr#writers on tumblr#astrology tumblr#spiritual writer#zodiac signs#pisces#jupiter in astrology#pisces placements#astrology writer#as above so below#spirituality#tumblr anniversary#pisces season#tumblr milestone#astrology observations#creators of tumblr#tumblr
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Prompt 21: Star Of Wishes [B8]
Pairing: Snape x Fem!OC
POV: First, OC
Setting: OC’s home -> Severus’s hidden place
Continuation of: Prompt 2. Restless Waiting, 3. Snowballing, 7. Stormy Reunion, 8. Rosemary For Holly, 16. Keep Warm, 19. Hope & 20. Returning Home
A/N: TODAY WE WRAP UP SEVERUS’ STORY! I’m super drained, tbh, but I so loved writing this part and giving everyone that HEA even if it doesn’t happen until the very end so to say 😂🙈 We do get some lovely smut though, hope you'll enjoy the emotional ride of the intimacy too 🤭 This might be the last long fic for the year. I have 0 time, I have no idea how I’m gonna be able to write the next 3 fics and get them up but I’ll manage somehow 😂 I still don’t know what prompt 23 and 24 will be this year, I do know that tomorrows prompt will be the one I use to wrap up Turpin’s story — how, I have no idea yet. We’ll see 😂👍
+A/N: This part of the serial contains a relationship dynamic in the beginning that can be extremely toxic and dangerous when real, but this is FICTION, and as the author I have created this relationship with the intention of it being trauma-healing, safe, loving, and no harm have or will come to any of the characters due to the relationship or any acts of either of the characters. If you feel this relationship matches yours, PLEASE take a step back and really evaluate if you are in a dangerous relationship - if your partner is treating you in a manner that isn’t loving or safe.
Tags/TW’s: Kisses, embracing, Harsh and Soft Touching, Apologising For Ones Behaviour, Slight Snark, Trying Ones Best, Stunted Emotional Development, Confessions of Regret/Hurt/Anger/Fear/Pain/Lacking Knowledge/Love/Affection/Trust, Explicit Description, Dark Sexual Past, Gentle and Caring Touches, Hints At Past Sexual Abuse/Coercion/Rape (not graphic or described),
Word Count: 4.7k
LINKTREE // AO3 // MASTERLIST
It had been over seven months since the day I thought my heart would stop. The day I found him more dead than alive in the Shrieking Shack. The day a strange little elf was sent to me with a message from someone a mere boy, which led me to find the man I loved so broken — poisoned, snake venom slithering through his veins no magic could have stopped. But my mom, she stopped it. My mom, a muggle who the Dark Lord so much detested, had won over his own snake.
The year had passed in a blurry ordeal of pain, love, recovery, and healing. But still, there was so much healing needed I could barely wrap my head around it. Christmas was upon us, and I hadn’t the heart to decorate our home. The home we ended up sharing, just me and Severus. At first, it was to get away from everyone and give him a chance to heal, but it changed about a month ago. A month ago, it became something different, an emotional journey for the two of us one could say. Spewed words of hatred, panic attacks through dark nights, long stretches of time without a word spoken from him, my dear broken man.
I didn’t give up, yet yesterday, when he’d so viciously barked at me about the time I’d decorated his office and how stupid I’d been to do such a thing — well, something broke in me. I hadn’t decorated our home, I hadn’t put up anything related to Christmas despite it being the 21st of December now and my most loved holiday. I’d simply allowed our home to remain barren, for his sake, as he seemed to hate the holiday with a vengeance unlike any I’d ever seen.
“I’ll take a walk,” I called through the little house, not expecting any response. The cold winter air greeted me but there was no wind, not a sound from beyond the bubble the little house sat in at the very end of a clearing in some ancient forest I still had no idea of the location of. I could only apparate there since I knew what it looked like.
My heart ached for the man left behind in the house while stepping into the night. No matter what, I wouldn’t give up on him. He had every right to be broken, hurt, lost — but sometimes I had to take some time for myself to find the strength and courage I needed to go on when his hatred and pain shined too brightly. Sometimes, I was the only one around he could lash out against and even if it hurt beyond anything else to hear such foul words in his voice directed at me, I still loved him more than anything and the nights when I held him tight I just knew it would pass. Eventually, time would heal his wounds and I’d still be there. I would never abandon him, something I knew he feared above all else yet he always showed I was free to come and go as I pleased. He knew what it was to be trapped, he didn't wish that for me in any sense of the word.
The snow crunched beneath my shoes, I slipped on my mittens and shoved my hands into my coat’s pockets while walking ahead. Above me, just before I left the clearing and the trees would obscure the sky, I saw the little stars speckling the darkness. I paused for a second to just look at the enormity of the universe, to get perspective perhaps, or simply allow myself to think of how small things can mean so much in the enormity of it all. A falling star streaked by, and I couldn’t help but close my eyes and send a wish to it. It was a childish thing to do perhaps, but I wished for Severus to allow me to help him and be close with him. Some day it might come true, he’s trying already…
I walked around for nearly two hours, until my toes were numb and my cheeks beyond chilly. Just breathing, imagining a happy Christmas with him. “In the future, when he��s healed… Maybe then…” I murmured to myself as I stomped off my boots and stepped back into our little home.
I lost my breath.
When I left, the house had been dark, dreary, void of all things Christmas but now… Now there were decorations everywhere. Eternally burning candles, perfectly green garlands, golden ornaments, and red bows littered every surface, door frame, and window. The house had turned into a Christmas-littered haven perfectly decorated to my own taste, almost as I had decorated Severus’s office a year ago — just slightly different colours.
“What in the world,” I whispered as I dragged off my fluffy mittens and shrugged out of my coat. “S-Severus! I don’t mean to alarm you but I think Santa broke in!” I called, my brain not able to think of another reason why our house looked like Christmas heaven. “No, love,” he murmured as he appeared in the doorway to the living room beyond the hallway I was moving through. “I am apologizing,” he continued and the sweet look of guilt and hope covering his features made my heart ache.
“Severus, what-, why?” I asked as he straightened and reached for my hand to tug me into his arms. I followed without any resistance. I always wanted to be in his arms, one of the many things I always wished for while I nursed him back to health physically after my mom had saved his life. “I said dreadful things.” “You’re trying, Sev.” “No, you are trying, Linna—” he exhaled the words into my hair “—and I’m constantly making it harder for you.” “Healing takes time, Sev. It takes time.” “It gives me no right to take it out on you, you have done nothing but stand by me.” “I always will, I won’t abandon you.” “I almost wish you would, it would be easier to be in misery than… deal with it all.” “Oh, stop, you’re a strong man, you can deal with it.” “Love, you overestimate my abilities, and underestimate your importance…”
For a long moment, I said nothing, just thought about his words — the sweet ones he now spoke and the hurtful ones that came out when we tried to process his trauma. It wasn’t easy to stay, wasn’t easy to take it and not retort or yell or scream or cry. But the hardest thing I had ever done was stay away from him, nothing else came close to it.
“Will you forgive me?” he asked, his voice low and nearly that of someone frightened. “I-, Severus… you don’t need my—” “Your forgiveness is the only one I need.” “I won’t forgive you then,” I said softly. “I won’t forgive you until you fight harder.” “Love, I—” “No, you’re the strongest man I’ve ever met. I’m nothing compared to you and I have nothing to equal your pain and hurt, your strength, or your bravery, so if I only have this one thing to hold over your head I bloody well will, Sev.” “Feisty today, are we?”
His voice was teasing, yet the hurt and fear still lingered behind it all and I couldn’t help but feel even more love for the man who dealt so poorly with his own emotions — he’d never been allowed any, so how would he ever know how to deal with them properly? I did the only thing I could think of, I hugged him with all my strength until his arms wrapped around me and I felt some of the tension leave his body. “Silly man,” I whispered. “You really need to learn how to deal with your emotions.” “I’m… I am trying,” he confessed and I knew he spoke true. He was trying with everything he had and I’d be with him every step of the way.
We stood there, for the longest moment, until I felt the urge to explore all the Christmas decorations he’d filled the house with. “I thought you hated Christmas with a passion as strong as amortentia’s power to make people go insane with obsession.” “I do.” “Then, why?” “You are the obsessed in this case,” he chuckled. “So, for me, then?” He merely nodded but I smiled warmly at him. It was a giant act of care and love on his part, it only made me love the holiday even more.
We walked through the little house, I looked at everything he’d done in a sort of stunned silence until we got to the bedroom. “Really?” I asked and arched a brow at him, he shrugged while raising his own brows in a sort of “what?” kind of expression. “Rosemary?” “Well…” he murmured as his cheeks took on the tiniest hint of pink, barely there but significant enough for me to notice after having gotten to know him so well the past few months. “I love it,” I said and kissed his cheek gently. “It’s perfect,” I continued while allowing my eyes to rest another moment on the rosemary twigs replacing the holly — just like it had done a year ago.
“Love, I truly am sorry… I shouldn’t have said the things I did, or done it in the manner I did.” “I know, and you know, and it’s in the past.” “It is not in the past,” he said and sighed. “I fear I’ll never be able to… To…” “Sev, schh, it’s okay. You’re learning. Have you ever had a right to express yourself? Or even have feelings at all?” “No.” “So you’re a baby.” He sneered at that, almost recoiling. “If you think about it logically, you’re as able as a child to deal with your emotions and when children feel truly safe with someone they’ll act up, they’ll cry and scream and get pissed because they feel it’s safe to show their emotions and, eventually, with the help of safe adults they learn to communicate and deal with their emotions in a healthy and proper manner. Yes, you’re a grown man, but you’ve never had the chance to learn or become comfortable with your emotions.” “I’m comfortable with you.” “And I am with you, we can both show our emotions, and right now your emotions aren’t under control but that’s not your fault. You’ll learn, grow, and become able to handle it eventually.”
Severus simply stared at me. It felt like an eternity passed while his eyes seemed to dig themselves into mine. Eventually, he drew a long breath. “You are far too good.” “I’ll be anything you need me to be.” “I merely need you, just as you are. If you… if you are willing to be patient, with… me…” It sounded as if he had to push with all his might to say the word in a calm and collected manner, as if he felt a need to either spit them out or say nothing at all. It warmed my heart and I nodded gently, smiling up at him as I took his hands gently in my own. “I’ll always be patient with you,” I said and leaned up to kiss him. His thin lips pushed harshly against mine while he tugged me closer.
He backed me up, toward our bed, and gently laid me down without our lips ever leaving each other. “Severus?” I asked, my heart hammering too hard while my entire body tightened warmly under him. “If you don’t want this, say so now, love.” “I-, I do…” It feels like I’ve waited all my life for this moment. “But are you ready?” I asked in return, remembering all the times he’d recoiled at my soft touch or jolted at a sweet caress of his cheek. Loving touches, as I’d learned over the past months, wasn’t something he was used to or even knew how to deal with.
“I want to try,” he confessed after another kiss. “Okay,” I whispered and he kissed me again while his hands roughly caressed my sides. His kisses turned harsher and he bent my legs to fit himself between them. I simply moved with him, allowed him to lead the way while I avoided touching him, keeping my hands above my head even if all I wished to do was strip him and ravish him with all my love and adoration, thousands of kisses and hundreds of soft caresses — with all my warmth.
His hands travelled up my arms until one of them clamped around my wrists before the other tore open my blouse with a jerk. His breathing turned ragged, his hand clamped around my wrists harder while he undid my pants with his free hand — tugging at the buttons too harshly.
“S-Sev,” I whispered against his lips. All his motions halted. He looked down at me, his eyes darker than ever. “I won’t run away,” I whispered. “Even if you don’t hold me down, I won’t touch you unless you allow it,” I continued. “I-, I don’t know how to… How to do this…” His voice was a mere murmur, a deep droning of a confession barely audible. “I know. I understand. But I do… Let me show you?” I asked gently while holding his eyes with my own.
He hesitated, a fear of what was to come in those onyx eyes of his, while I laid utterly still despite the need to love him clawing at my skin with a burning desire. He nodded, a stiff motion, while he slowly released my hands.
I sat up and he backed off the bed, standing between my knees. I looked up at him, not making any quick moves but standing up while he took a step back and his fists clenched. “Will you let me lead?” I asked. He merely nodded. “No, Severus. I need you to say the words.” He looked bewildered for a second before his fists unclenched on a deep exhale. “You lead.” “Thank you.”
I gently reached out while he stood absolutely still. “I’m going to undress you. And then you will undress me, slowly.” He nodded at my words and I got to work with the buttons of his shirt, not letting my fingers tremble while he watched them work. I tugged the shirt off his shoulders without touching his skin, dragging the fabric down his arms while searching his eyes before it floated to the floor. I undid the belt of his pants, then the button and zipper before bending to tug them off as he wore no shoes.
He lifted each leg for me to remove the pants fully while simultaneously slipping my finger within the hem of his socks and taking them off at the same time. I heard him draw a shaky breath as I rose before him as he stood in just his boxers. He was such a beautiful sight in the candlelight and I couldn’t help but look him up and down while my cheeks heated, no matter how hard I tried to control my own emotions for his benefit.
“Now, you undress me in the same manner. But, you can touch me if you want to.” He nodded at my words and as he reached for my already open blouse I caught a glimpse of his unsteady fingers that seemed to be both stiff and trembling. But he managed to undress me in a somewhat slow fashion, even if he didn’t look at me while he did so. His eyes flickered all over the place as if he didn’t know where to look.
When he stood up we were only in our underwear. I was strangely relaxed while he seemed tense. So I stepped closer, my eyes seeking his, and allowed my hands to reach out. “I’ll touch you now,” I said and his eyes found mine. He looked terrified, but he didn’t move away as my hands reached his chest dusted with dark hair so soft to the touch I wanted to moan at just the sensation of him. “Touch me, Severus, feel my body. It belongs to you,” I said gently to encourage him to dare. “I-, I have never in-, in this manner,” he confessed. “Tell me how you’ve done it, share your experiences with me while we do this gently.” “Love… No,” he said, a darkness to his voice. “Tell me, and touch me.”
I allowed my hands to stroke down his arms, slip to his hips, and go up along his sides until I could spread my fingers over his chest — his heart pounded. Then his hands reached out for my hips. “It was rough,” he began while his uncertain fingers began exploring my body in a jaggedly jumpy fashion. “Never out of care or, want… A necessity, sometimes something done without my approval. Merely for the… mission …” “Never again, darling,” I whispered while my hands explored his back and my front went flush against his, forcing his hands to slip behind me as well.
I kissed his collarbone and allowed my lips to slant up along his throat until I met his jawline. “This will only ever happen if you want it,” I assured him and his fingers stiffened at my lower back while I felt his cock press against my pelvis. “I can’t talk about it,” he confessed. “Not like this,” he continued and I nodded before kissing his cheek. “That’s okay, Sev. Will you still allow me to lead and touch?” “Yes…” “Say stop and it all stops.”
I stepped back and took off my underwear before ridding him of his. As we stood face to face I searched his eyes, tried to read what few emotions he showed, I found none truly alarming so I continued to kiss and caress him before we ended up on the bed. He was stiff beneath me, but I kept kissing and caressing his upper body while snuggling myself between his legs.
“Love…” he murmured. “Yes, Sev?” “Are you-, do you truly wish for this?” “Yes. I want all of you, all you are willing to gift me.” “All?” “Yes, all . There is no part of you I don’t love. I want to be close to you, care for you, love you.” He seemed to soften beneath me at that. “I will try,” he said quietly while his hands finally began to caress my skin, travelling along my sides until his fingers reached my face and he pulled me closer before kissing me softly.
I moaned into his mouth and kissed him back with all I had while still keeping the pace slow and the touch gentle. His thumb caressed my cheek and the kiss ended. I began stroking his side, travelling from his ribs to his hips before lifting myself a bit to reach his cock. He exhaled deeply as my fingers wrapped around him and I began stroking him gently, each movement measured and controlled to be gentle and comforting.
“It-, it feels good,” he whispered as he laid back fully, relaxing and taking in my touch. “I’ll always make you feel good, Sev,” I said, my voice too low but I was desperate to keep my control when all I truly wished to do was ravish him and have him fill my aching cunt. But we both needed this, he needed this to be different and I wanted him to feel safe and adored with me — as he always should feel.
I worked him to the point of him moaning deeply beneath me, my hands touching and stroking, my lips slanting and kissing, my mouth whispering sweet words of adoration and care. The room turned too warm, his breaths came harder and his muscles tensed beneath me while my core turned slick and needy.
“Sev, I’m going to ride you,” I said, making sure he knew what was about to happen before I did anything, giving him the chance to stop me. But he didn’t, he merely looked at me with warm eyes of want even if a small sliver of worry still lingered within the onyx colour.
I climbed atop him, guiding his thick cock to my entrance while straddling him. He looked up at me, his hands landing on my thighs as I began to sink, allowing him to slip inside and fill me up deliciously slow. He groaned and threw his head back as I took him to the hilt. It felt too good. He felt too perfect within me.
His hands flexed, his fingers digging into my flesh, and I moaned his name while taking in the sensation of being with him. I had dreamt of that moment for so long, wondered what it would be like, what he’d feel like, how he’d react — never had I imagined I’d be the one leading. But with Severus, things were always different.
“Love,” he groaned as I began riding him slowly. “You feel so good, Sev,” I moaned as my cunt adjusted to his size. “Belinna,” he moaned. “I-, I can’t,” he continued with a strain to his dark rumble of a voice. “Want me to stop?” I asked while keeping on riding him in slow motions, steady rising and falling, using all of my power to not allow the frenzy building within me to take over. “No, no don’t stop,” he groaned as his fingers dug themselves into my flesh with a grip so tight I wondered if he’d leave marks on me from his desperate hold. “But I can’t, I can’t hold out,” he panted while I felt his entire body turn nearly solid beneath me.
I’d only barely begun, but I wouldn’t take away his pleasure or deny him a release he so obviously needed. “Then let go, darling,” I said while I upped the pace a tiny bit. “Just let go.” “ Belinna ,” he moaned in a near prayer as I splayed my hands out on his chest, leaning forward to find a new angle to take him. He jerked beneath me, his jaw clenched tightly while his hips bucked upwards, and I moaned as he came undone beneath me.
His cock jerked with me, warm waves coating my insides while I kept riding him steadily while my hands felt the hammering of his heart. “You’re so good, Sev,” I praised while he groaned deeply. “So good, darling,” I continued and he moaned a strange sound of relief and something darker. I slowed my pace until I stilled fully, not chasing my release.
I watched him, the pale skin with a slight tint to his cheeks and little beads of sweat across his forehead, and couldn’t help but be filled with a desperate need to comfort him. He looked strangely satisfied but confused, tense but relaxed at the same time.
“Sev, are you alright?” I asked while stroking away a few stray strands of his hair. He looked up at me, I was unable to understand what his eyes were filled with though. He just looked at me, his chest still rising and falling rapidly, while I felt him soften within me his hands released their grip on my flesh.
“I-, I don’t know,” he confessed. “That’s okay,” I said and leaned forward to kiss his hooked nose while he slipped out of me, a gushing of sticky cum flowing out of me. “We’re a mess, would you like to shower with me?” I asked with a smile even if my entire body was reeling with the need to come. He shook his head and I nodded before kissing his thin lips gently. “I’ll be right back, I don’t like cleaning up with magic.”
I handed him his wand after having stood and went to the bathroom on shaky legs. My insides pulsed and his cum streaked down my thighs. I locked the door and stepped into the shower, the warm water cascaded over me and I reached down to find the release I so desperately needed while his moans and groans filled my head from mere memory. His cum and my slick covered my fingers as I stroked myself into a trembling mess, taking support from the wall while biting down on my lip to not make a sound. I made quick work of it all, finding my release swiftly only to rush through cleaning myself.
I grabbed my robe from the hook on the wall and left the bathroom while cinching the sash around my waist. When I stepped into the bedroom Severus sat on the edge of the bed, dressed in a new shirt and his black silken pyjama pants. He was leaning his elbows on his knees, a hunch to his shoulders and a stiffness to his back.
I walked up, sinking down on my knees before him. “Sev? Are you alright?” I asked anew but he shook his head. “What’s wrong?” I continued while wrapping my hands around his where they were entwined before me. “Is that how it’s supposed to be?” he asked quietly. “What do you mean?” “Soft, caring… Warm …” My eyes widened as he looked up at me. “Sev… Darling… Yes, it’s supposed to be all those things. It’s supposed to feel only good.” My heart screamed at the torment and confusion in his eyes while he looked at me so intently that I felt as if he were trying to enter my soul.
“What do you need, darling?” I asked while squeezing his hands. “Need?” “Yes, what do you need from me?” “Nothing you haven’t already given too much of.” “Okay, what would make you feel safe and cared for right now?” I asked to change his view on the question I was asking. “I-, I don’t know.” “Cuddles?” I asked. “Or alone time? Food? Words of affirmation?” I kept going to try and jog his thoughts about it all. I knew what I wanted but what I needed was to comfort him in whatever manner he needed.
“I usually prefer some cuddles and snuggles after getting clean, and talking about what felt good and what didn’t,” I said to open up about my own wants to hopefully make him see it was okay to ask for something more, for what one needs. “There was nothing about that which did not feel good, love,” Severus murmured, his eyes cast down on our hands. “I’m glad to hear that.”
“Would you like me to stay or give you some time?” I asked after another moment. “Don’t leave,” he whispered. “Stay. Please…” The confusion and worry in his voice was heartbreaking but that he asked me to stay warmed me. “I’ll stay, for as long as you wish.” “Forever. I wish you to stay forever,” he said and I felt my eyes water at his honesty. “I love you, Severus.” “I love you too. And I am trying, I am truly trying, Belinna.” “I know,” I said and reached my hand up to caress his chilly cheek.
He leaned into my hand, a small smile across his lips. Such a difference to just a few weeks ago. “It may sound foolish,” he began quietly, “but I… I wished on a falling star for the bravery needed to be closer to you. It fell across the sky just as you left for your walk.” “I-, Sev, I wished on that star too,” I confessed and he blinked at me. “I wished for you to allow me to be close to you…” “Is that so?” “Yes…” “Star of wishes, perhaps we needn’t wish on stars in the future…” “Perhaps we can simply… talk with each other more?”
Severus reached up and cupped my face, smiling softly while I placed my hands on his chest. His heart beat steadily beneath my palms and warmth seemed to envelop the two of us among the garlands and candlelight. “I wish for nothing more than a future where we can speak openly,” he said gently and I felt as if I were melting on the inside. “Let’s make that future a reality, together.” “Together,” he echoed and kissed me deeply. My wish came true, and my hard work and patience were rewarded in the end. My own little Christmas miracle…
LINKTREE // AO3 // MASTERLIST
A/N: WAAAAAAAH!!!! Gosh, frikkin darn it, I love this so much and it's so sweet and they are so loving and caring and waaaaah..! I hope you enjoyed the end to this Rickmas2023 serial as well darlings! 🥰👏
+A/N: I am so so so sorry I haven't had the chance to reply to comments/reblogs yet - I am itching to do it and I will get to it as soon as I have a chance to and life isn't going crazy (I love and adore that you comment and reblog darling! I really do!) ❤
Q: Do you feel ready for 2024? A: I am so so so ready for 2023 to be over, it's been the most insane year and I can't quite wrap my head around it now that we're on the home stretch - how did I manage all I managed this year?
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[Dec:2023]
#rickmas2023#rickmas#alan rickman#rickmaniac#pro snape#severus snape#snape x oc#snape fic#snape lives au#chrsitmas fic#event fic
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hello! for the fic asks, this part from "like a wolf in the doorway":
Percy takes a breath, looking at the inked veins and the scribbled notes in the margins, thinking of blood flow. “Oliver liked to climb trees.”
Just saying it leaves him breathless. He can summon up the image clearly now, untainted by the dark cloud he now thinks was the demon, and it somehow hurts all the more to picture Ollie and Whitney running across the castle grounds, play-fighting in the spring air. There is no rage to catch him and put him back into motion; only a deep, aching emptiness remains.
He drags in air, but he’s drowning.
Pike isn’t in armor today. She moves carefully into his space—she does everything carefully—and catches his good hand in hers. Her skin is warm. When did he get so cold?
“Thank you for telling me,” is all she says, and then she starts a long story about Grog, her great-great-grandfather, and a herd of perilously stubborn goats. By the time she reaches the punchline, he’s well enough to laugh.
“We can do this today,” he says, looking at the parts and looking at her, a wild rush buoying him. “It’ll work, I know it.”
And Pike, probably realizing that he’ll do it alone if she refuses, says yes.
He comes to on the floor of the workshop with the soft golden veil of the Everlight’s power over his mind, dulling the memory—the length of soiled bandages peeled back, Pike holding his wrist down with furious strength as he tried to fit everything together, nothing to numb him and it was so, so bad, he’d shouted—it’s all fading quickly, and he doesn’t want to drag it back up. He can leave this pain here in this room.
His throat aches and Pike is inspecting his left hand, bending the fingers one by one to touch the smooth metal that sits where his palm used to be. There’s an empty socket there, but she doesn’t ask what he’s going to put in it.
Percy smiles, a bright flash of teeth.
hi!!!!!!! thank you so much!!! i love talking about my fic and the tlovm oneshots project as a whole was a really fun experiment to do. i wanted to be a little more involved in the fandom as the show was coming out, and i set the ‘just try to write 1k about each episode’ bar intentionally low so that it couldn’t intimidate me. this was a pretty big success - i didn’t really manage to keep current with the release of the show, but it did keep me writing all through 2023 :) now about this passage specifically!!
“Oliver liked to climb trees.”
the older i get the sadder i get about the de rolo children. genuinely it is so so so sad.
There is no rage to catch him and put him back into motion; only a deep, aching emptiness remains.
i wanted this moment of really abrupt and painful vulnerability for percy - i feel like tlovm!percy is even worse at dealing with his emotions than campaign!percy, mostly due to the compressed nature of the adaptation - and what i want most with this character is to turn the rock over and see all of his metaphorical bugs wriggling around underneath. a huge part of this fic was me wanting to address the demon as a coping mechanism; i wanted it to feel worse to remember the good times once he could remember them clearly, because it comes with the pain of knowing he’ll never have those days again. sometimes smiling because it happened brings no comfort at all.
Pike isn’t in armor today. She moves carefully into his space—she does everything carefully—and catches his good hand in hers.
it was also a big priority for me that the characters sometimes get things wrong about each other in these oneshots! pike does not do everything carefully - but percy needs to think she does. it’s not that she’s being dishonest or anything, but he’s encountering her in an extremely specific context in this scene and he’s choosing to read that as a blanket statement about her personality. we’re pre-sunken tomb in this scene, but he’s already looking to put people on pedestals around himself; if he’s looking up, he doesn’t have to face the huge pit of grief inside. wow this fic is a downer!
“We can do this today,” he says, looking at the parts and looking at her, a wild rush buoying him.
THAT’S MY KING OF MOOD SWINGS!!!!! YOU CAN INVENT YOUR WAY OUT OF ANY TRAUMA IF YOU JUST INVENT HARD ENOUGH!
He comes to on the floor ... He can leave this pain here in this room.
it’s genuinely a minor miracle from pike that allowed this surgery to happen - a fun bit of irony, since percy really doesn’t put much stock in the divine. and i’m not being subtle in this paragraph; he can leave this pain here, but he’s carrying the rest of it with him forever. this whole pike scene is kind of... the relief of ripping off the scab if that makes sense? it might not be a good move in the long run, but at least you’ve done something with all of it in the moment.
Percy smiles, a bright flash of teeth.
this is a triumphant moment for him. i wanted to turn Diplomacy into a collaborative piece, to reflect the combo-move it was with vax later on in the show & because i love putting pike and percy in a room together. i wish it had happened more during the campaign, and i’m desperate for it in tlovm (though i don’t really expect to get it, there’s just not time). so he’s smiling, and he won, but he’s also always picking at scabs and becoming the architect of his own destruction. that’s the secret sauce for percy imo. he should always be building the next thing that ruins him, especially if that thing is himself.
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Lost Fic #157
1. Hello, first of all thank you for all your hard work 🫶 really appreciate! I'm looking for a fic i read about a year ago: unfortunately i can't remember much, so i apologise if it's a vague description. I also think i might be mixing some facts with this fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39533883 so i’m sorry if i’m making it hard to find. Trigger warning from here on (depression, su! c!de): the fic was set in the crowley's flat and the characters were canon (im pretty sure it was set a short time after S1's canon events, but somehow C still had holy water). Crowley had just suffered some sort of physical and emotional trauma (r@pe? sorry, i can't quite remember) and couldn't trust neither Aziraphale nor himself. He fell in a state of depression and couldn't see any other way out but use the holy water in his safe. (Spoilers) | remember a scene where he weakly walked to the safe and wrote a note, then tried to reach the thermos but was stopped last second by Aziraphale. Thank you in advance🫶; and if you manage to find it, congrats😅 - anon
2. Helloo I hope it's not too hard to find but I lost a fic on ao3 a bit ago I didn't finish reading and was hoping someone recognise it, it starts off with post apoca-nope Crowley being confronted by demons in his flat who tell him to stay away from aziraphale and summon a screen through which to view him. buuut since there was no audio they all missed a conversation between aziraphale and god in which god gives him a golden string (I think) and explains that metatron has been giving orders independently from god, then asks aziraphale to go to heaven and stirr up trouble. And that's when I accidentally closed the Tumblr app and lost it :( - anon
3. so theres this fic i was reading where its post canon but basically crozira gets locked up in heaven and crowley does his snake thing and releases them both (was in the beginning ish) but thats all i remember 😭😭 im sorry if this is too much to ask for, thank you in advance!!! - @stars-v3ria
4. Hello! I hope y'all are doing all right in what I imagine is a swamp of new asks from season 2's approach. (Writing this in the final few weeks til release.) I'm writing in search of a lost fic--I've scrounged through the Aziraphale's True Form tag but come up empty. It was T, M, or E rated, and more or less a true form sex fic, but may or may not have included genital sex. The part I remember (which I think was the focus of the story, it being a oneshot) was framed as a divinity/grace kink scene in which Aziraphale revealed his true form to Crowley. It was overwhelming to him (verging on pain iirc), but also very beautiful, intense, and possibly sensual or sexual. The part I really remember, though, came at the end-- Crowley, crying, used their safeword, which was "Amen." And after that I think it was more on the tender side. Would you happen to have encountered such a story? Thank you very much for your time, and potentially that of your followers-- I very much appreciate all the work you do for the fandom. <3 P.S. In case this reaches the author, and you with to remain anonymous, please know that the fic really stuck with me and I was merely searching for it in hopes of leaving a comment to that effect. <3 - @elderly-worm
5. Hello! I was recently told about the (cursed) movie script and was told that there is a fanfiction of Book and Show Crowley saving movie Aziraphale from movie Crowley. The person said they're sure they read it on ao3 but cannot find it now and I'm extremely curious. Any help would be very appreciated and thank you so much for the library you're doing here, helped me to find a lot of gems. - anon
If you know any of these fics please include the number in your reply! Thank you :)
- Mod D
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