#somehow in this position he doesn't seem that hostile

[rei-ismyname]

Jean and Scott get judged

It's A.X.E Judgement Day, baby. Previous discussion here. The Progenitor/Space God has been rebuilt by people who never seem to learn. Instead of magically fixing everything it takes a good look at the planet and says 'YOU HAVE 24 HOURS TO JUSTIFY YOURSELF.' If more people on Earth fail than pass, there will be no tomorrow (very literally.) It judged Captain America first, very publicly, and failed his ass. Uh oh.

Scott approaches The Progenitor, adamantium balls clanking, but refuses to recognise its authority. He IS down for judgement though. Scott requests a change of venue...

'... What?' Despite being an omniscient being, it really didn't expect that. Scott's position seems to be that only Jean can judge him, though he'll accept a scolding from his teammates. Considering the stakes are the end of all that exists, it makes sense that Scott is only willing to put his heart on the scales for Jean. He's been living on the edge of annihilation for most of his adult life and he knows who he is. He knows who loves him and who knows him best. There was never any chance he'd accept the judgement of a god built by Mister Sinister and Tony Stark, but he does need to pass. Everyone does.

He passes! Thumbs up for Wife Guy Scott Summers. He's so incredibly confident about this that it's a little off-putting, even threatening The Progenitor as he turns his back. Rule of cool plays a massive factor here, but I think if it was left there it would be a bit trite. Refusing to listen to anyone but your wife? That doesn't sound healthy.

Scott has always had self doubt - it's one of his superpowers. The First Krakoan Age is the happiest time in Scott's life, no contest, seeing it as a reward for all the years of suffering and hard work. It's to be expected that his angst would be at an all time low, and this isn't the first time he's faced down space gods without blinking. However, they're being judged individually and as a collective.

The Progenitor has a much harder time with Jean. She's currently leading a mixed strike force into its body - protecting everyone present from the very hostile environment. She describes it as 'holding a small star at bay,' so keep that in mind while she's simultaneously debating God.

The Progenitor knows where to push, and manages to make Chuck look as sinister as ever. The framing is her first day of school, observing as the Danger Room runs the D'Bari program for the rest of the O5.

The O5 get into Dark Phoenix formation and the Progenitor!Chuck makes the case that Jean, and Jean alone, is responsible for the D'Bari genocide. She manages to kinda throw it out of her head, which is an astonishing feat. Jean cries out that she's been a hero ever since, admitting guilt if not culpability.

Tony, the unhelpful jackass, tells her she needs to pass the test. No shit dude. Somehow he passed his, despite causing as many problems as he solves (including this one) and being a billionaire. Logan is as paternalistic as ever, but at least he's supportive. She's a grown woman, dude.

Unknown to Jean, Destiny engineered a Quiet Council vote to approve destroying The Progenitor despite a high chance of destroying Reykjavik. A very exaggerated Emma Frost lays out the details while Jean's hands are nailed to the table. I wonder if this is Jean's exaggeration or the Progenitor's. Emma is so delightfully callous that I think it's plucked from the subconscious and twisted into a caricature.

The Quiet Council was already a disaster before Jean left/was forced out. It's only gotten worse, with people like Shaw, Sinister, Mystique, Destiny, Xavier etc making the decisions. Jean feels guilty about giving up the power as a ballast and becoming an instrument of policy. If anything, I think her sin is being a part of it in the first place and not overthrowing the council/working to reform it. Jean Grey has a unique position of moral authority and near universal respect, not to mention the power to avoid telepathic subversion.

It's unfair to put it on any one person, but Jean should and would feel guilty for allowing this travesty to continue. Same with X-Force - she left with clean (ish) hands and did nothing to challenge the institutional rot. It's fascinating that The Progenitor speaks as Xavier this entire time, suggesting that Jean still holds him as an authority. Someone she doesn't want to disappoint, when maybe she (and everyone else) should be worried about how he's disappointing them.

Sinister manages to insert himself and Logan into the Jean's mindscape, as the owner of purloined telepathy and Celestial knowledge. Logan gives The Progenitor props for getting Xavier's patronising demeanor right while Sinister shoots the metaphorical Quiet Council (he already had a taste for that, but it's clever foreshadowing by Gillen.) Jean tells them both to fuck off - she hates mind games.

Jean engages beast mode and steps up. The Progenitor finds her difficult and needs perspective, summoning character witnesses. Useless ones.

Sinister, the ultimate coloniser and objectifier, reduces Jean's value to her uniqueness and power. He tried to clone her and failed, making 'none better than her.' Why TF did it even call upon Sinister? He does know her well, in the way you know a painting. As a thing - beautiful and unique, forever out of his grasp - but still a thing.

Logan might be even less helpful. Calling God 'bub' is kinda funny, but his perspective is that of a worshipper. He can never truly see her for who she is because he's built a pedestal that nobody deserves. No knock on Jean, but nobody is perfect. Ignoring someone's flaws and mistakes while idealising their virtues stops you knowing the real person. He's not just saying she's perfect, he's saying she's better than this God. It might be his truth, but it's neither healthy nor helpful. I wonder what he'd say if he was a character witness for Scott, heh.

The Progenitor has heard enough of that. I can't imagine what its takeaway was from those two. High expectations? There's a third character witness it references - Jean's husband Scott. We find out the reason Scott passed. Bravery, haha. Buddy, you have no idea. It's not fear, I'll say that much. It's LOVE and submission to/respect for power. It's misquoting Scott heavily, or misunderstanding the subtext. Either way, it doesn't matter right in this moment. Look at Jean's face. I have no idea what to make of it, other than terror. There's a lot more than that going on, but I think it's successful in making her feel like a monster.

Well, God says Cyclops was right. Someone should make memes and t-shirts. 'I think you are like me' is an existential nightmare. The Progenitor gets to the point - Jean destroyed a planet for no reason at all. Umm, actually bro, it was a star and she was hungry. Get your facts right. It certainly is complicated though, no doubt about that. Jean certainly feels guilt for that, and it's interesting that she's 'never stopped trying to make up for that.' People aren't motivated by only one thing, but I feel like Jean has done more penance than most. Wayyyy more.

I'd like to see some receipts for the 'violent bully' claim, but again, this is about guilt. Emma called her a 'schoolyard bully' when she was caught raping Scott, and while Jean's actions were punitive against someone without the ability to fight back, I don't think her behaviour was especially untoward. It looks like those words have stayed with her, though. Considering the social flak she caught and her need for self improvement, a being of her power should be wary of bullying people. That's a strength IMO, but it haunts her subconscious.

Yeah, violence, god who's currently destroying the world. That's the idea - to stop your bullshit. The world isn't perfect, not even close, but destroying it accomplishes nothing. Jean makes a case of arithmetic, arguing that she's in the black. It doesn't work that way (I'm sure the broccoli people would agree) but that doesn't mean you don't keep trying to be better. You do the right thing because it's the right thing, not to balance some arbitrary karmic ledger.

Tony Stark didn't blow up a star (plenty of planets though but nobody remembers), but he was an arms dealer for a long time. He'll never have clean hands no matter what he does, yet The Progenitor passed him. That says more about Marvel's favourite billionaire failson than any Godly judgement, but Jean being The Phoenix, now and forever, doesn't have to be a bad thing. She did do that shit and it will always be with her, but dying closes the book on her story forever. Living means the opportunity to spend every day being better. Every day is Judgement Day.

This dark night of the soul that Jean experiences leaves her with more resolve than ever, and maybe a little bit of a perspective shift. When Enigma is playing his time travel game to undo Jean in RotPoX #5, he specifically goes back and changes this Judgement to a pass. Her arrogance and self awareness is untempered in that situation, leading to ruin. Gillen wrote both, so I think it's a valid reading to say that The Progenitor is teaching here. Sure enough, Jean collapses weeping after her judgement - briefly. She shakes it off with fury and a burning resolve to save everyone, protecting everyone like a Super Saiyan avenging angel. It's The Progenitor who ends up debating itself into a corner and judges itself unworthy of judging everyone else, because nobody is.

[villainofmyownstory]

Day Zero chapter 4

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pairing: Simon “Ghost” Riley x plus size fem!reader

summary: Your horror and fear after what happened at the town hall are mixed with hope. Unfortunately, the newly met man in the mask doesn't make things any easier for you. He is stubborn and distrustful. However, when night comes, he takes you to his only safe place. To his house. Home.

tags: AFAB reader, plus size reader, dog german shepherd, weapon, suicide

author's note: I decided to post a new chapter today, unfortunately I'm having a worse time in my life again…. I hope it will get better soon. The longest chapter so far, let me know what you think.

Warning!! Mention of a suicide attempt, if you don't want to or can't read this, skip the parts where day 64 is referred to. Your mental health is more important! Take care of yourself, dear reader.

AO3

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Chapter 4: The one where you visit Ghost's house

Day 732

Getting to the tower by car definitely shouldn't take as long as your hike. The distance to cover, from the center to the suburbs, did not seem so far. You both remain silent the entire way. Ghost keeps looking in the rearview mirror while driving. As if he had to make sure you were still sitting on the trunk. When it reduces speed or (worse) brakes to almost zero on the odometer. His gaze focuses on the mirror. As if the man expected you to take advantage of the opportunity and jump out of the car, taking Riley with you. You will run away and disappear, just as you suddenly and unexpectedly appeared.

Admittedly, you had no intention of doing so. Quite the opposite. You wanted to stay. Even though the man was hostile towards you, you were sure of that. Damn, he wanted to shoot you!

Like a hunter hunting a defenseless deer. A sniper in war, shooting at a designated, nameless target. Without blinking an eye, in cold blood, in one breath. Shot. Exhale. End.

Without even exchanging a word with you. Without asking you anything. Not wanting to know anything. One shot and you're done, you wouldn't even feel it. He pulled the trigger without hesitation.

Remembering what happened a dozen or so minutes ago, you clench your hands into fists. Rubbing the material of your gloves against each other. Feeling the rough material slide over the skin of your hand. You try to focus exactly on that feeling.. You don't want to let fear and terror get the best of you. Breathe, slowly. Don't let these bad thoughts defeat you. Luckily for you, the man didn't do anything to you. Maybe he is also a lost and lonely man. Who is slowly losing his mind under these circumstances. He can't cope. Just like you.

You swallow. The hands are still tightly clenched into fists. Your hands are sweaty from stress.

The sun slowly hides behind the buildings, getting darker with each passing minute. The night is getting closer. The car is traveling at a higher speed. There are fewer and fewer buildings, they are probably suburbs, so you are getting closer to your goal - the tower.

You have to be strong, not show weakness. Focus. To listen carefully. Observe.

Although it's all Ghost, he has the upper hand. He has the most important argument and strength - he has a gun. Also, he's in his own territory and is undoubtedly a man with military training. He's taller and better built than you. Definitely stronger and athletic. Yet you try to control another panic attack, you won't give in to him so easily. You may not be in a lost position. You just have to convince him somehow. After all, somehow he has to believe that you came here alone. If you gain his trust without lying to him, maybe he'll let you stay. You don't really have anywhere to go back to. That house somewhere far away wasn't fit to live in for another winter. No heating, a leaking roof, you could list more defects. And the food supply in the area was running out, you found almost everything edible. You didn't know if it would be safe to return to that place.

You swallow. Your hands are still clenched into fists. Sweaty from stress.

The sun slowly hides behind the buildings, getting darker by the minute. The night is getting closer. The car is traveling at an increasing speed. There are fewer and fewer buildings, probably suburbs, so you are getting closer to your goal - the tower.

You have to be strong, not show weakness. Focus. To listen carefully. Observe.

Without a doubt, the whole Ghost guy, has an advantage over you. He has the most important argument and power - he has a gun. Besides, he is in his own territory and is undoubtedly a man with military training. Higher and much better built than you. Stronger. Athletic. But, if you are trying to control another panic attack, you won't give in to him so easily. You may not be in a lost position. You just have to convince him somehow. After all, he has to believe in some way that you came here alone. If you gain his trust without lying to him, maybe he will let you stay. You don't really have anywhere to go back to. That house somewhere far away, is uninhabitable for another winter. There's no heating, the roof is leaking. And food supplies were running out in the area, you could find almost anything edible. You don't know if it would be safe to go back there.

This town you are in now is the only one of the larger ones in this area. He seems to be better organized, definitely better than you. You haven't even found a car in working order with at least a little bit of fuel in the tank. So maybe it's better to stay with him. It will be easier to survive. Maybe the two of you can find other people?

Maybe the man knows something more, maybe he knows about a settlement, a safe place? Some larger group of living people? Maybe there is some hope.

Meeting this man caused a small spark that some future might exist.

Although it is probably not difficult, you have never been able to plan or predict. You lived in the moment. Not worrying too much about what the next day will bring. Not really taking into account.

The consequences of your actions or, inversely, your inaction. It's time to grow up, the worried voices of your parents echo in your head. Well, maybe you should have listened to them.

You sigh and look away from the passing suburban landscape, still lost in your own thoughts. You look down for a moment, at your protruding belly and wide thighs. You haven't even lost much weight in the last two years. You blame it on your bad, inappropriate diet. You mainly ate carbohydrates and cans of ready-made or sweetened food. You found any canned vegetables less and less often. Lots of cans of carbonated drinks and lots of sweets. Not to mention salty snacks. It was easier that way. Everything had long expiration dates and was tightly packed. Thanks to this food, you satisfy your hunger and provide your body with endorphins. Fighting with your own bad, dark thoughts, when you had supplies of food and drink. You simply lay in bed on the mattress for weeks. Vegetating, waiting. Counting on... you didn't know what.

You look back at the passing landscape, individual buildings and road signs. City exit sign, highway exit, empty fields.

You regret that in the past you were never interested in the army. You didn't even know what military unit this man was from. The only thing that was clear to you was the British flag attached to his uniform. Maybe it meant something? Perhaps he was here for a reason?

Even now, when the cold of the coming evening and the breeze caused by the speed of the car caress your cheeks and exposed neck. This causes goosebumps and reddened cheeks. It was bearable, the feeling of cold wasn't really that bad.

The most significant thing is that you no longer have to walk.

The important thing is that after so many days you at last found hope.

The fact that you are finally not alone.

You choose not to think about it any longer, clinging to Riley, thanking him without words for saving him. You calm down a little.

When you finally arrive at your destination, the man hurriedly gets out of the car and opens the trunk with a gun in one hand.

“Riley stays with me”

If you don't mind the penetrating chill of the coming evening, the coldness in the man's voice definitely makes you shiver.

‘And you, woman, go into the building and tell your people to leave. I have you in my sights all the time.’

You don't have the strength to argue with him. Another exchange of words makes no sense at this point. You dream of eating something and finally taking off those damn shoes. Your legs hurt so terribly. Subconsciously, you already know that a verbal battle with this man is pointless now. He won't believe you anyway, he has to see for himself. See what you keep telling him.

One thing you were sure of right from the start. This guy was definitely confident and he didn't tolerate a word of disagreement, he knew best. Stubborn. Probably soulless, a killing machine. Who knows what bad shit he'd done in the past?

So as you slowly walk towards the building next to the tower, you wonder if your back might get shot. Simple and clear. He will execute you and this will all be over. Perhaps it would have been better. Maybe that was your end.

Fate. Destiny.

Maybe these two years of loneliness and torment were supposed to end this way. Your body will remain near the tower as a warning to other travelers. If anyone but the two of you had survived this long. Because during these few months, without seeing any sign of another person's life, you began to believe that you were completely alone. That somehow you were the only one who survived.

Day 64

You

You didn't think the crisis would come so quickly. That you will lose faith. You didn't see any solution to the situation, or there never was one.

You weren't the type of person who was sad, emotional, or prone to depression. You were always a ray of light, a cheerful green pea, as your dad used to say.

But now, as more days passed, more days of darkness, emptiness, silence. Fucking loneliness.

You couldn't handle it.

You have stopped looking out the window for hours, hoping that your loved ones will come home.

That some familiar face will save you. That someone will break the silence.

The worst were the sleepless nights. Curled up somewhere in a corner or hidden in a bathroom, somewhere in a room without windows. As far away from the outside walls as possible.

You gave up really fast. And you made one most important decision. And that day, early in the morning, when the first rays of sunlight appeared in the sky. You left the house at a brisk pace and easily reached your destination without stopping. Standing in front of the abandoned pharmacy, you knew why and for what you had come here. Without blinking an eye, you went inside and quickly found the right packages and took them from the shelves. Then, just as efficiently, you hurried back to the empty family house.

However, as you crossed the threshold of the building, the familiar smell, so close to your heart reached your nostrils. Home, the family nest. The door slammed behind you and then, for the first and only time, you hesitated.

Just as you had done for years, now, you called out to the empty rooms.

“Mom? Dad? Sis?... I'm back..."

Silence.

Nobody answered.

Emptiness.

So that was a sign, no one was there. And the decision was made, there was no turning back.

Sitting down on a chair in the dining room, you carefully unpacked the contents of the packages you brought. Earlier, you prepared a kitchen mortar and a glass of water.

Slowly, systematically, one by one, you place tablets of different sizes on the bottom of the agate dish. You don't know what quantity is right. Probably the bigger the better. The more the faster. The larger the quantity, the much painless it should be. You hope so. End the pain. Put an end to this misery.

Stirring slowly with a heavy stone pestle, you don't worry that some of the grinded medicine, will fall on the table. White powder stains the dining room table and your jeans.

Nobody will see the mess anyway. And if they do, they won't pay attention to such a detail anyway. They're more likely to notice you.

You pour the ground contents into a glass of water. Hoping that some of it will dissolve and make it easier for you to drink.

Bitterness. This is all you feel.

The cold water with the crushed tablets slowly passes down your throat into your stomach.... The bitterness on your tongue. The ground up undissolved pieces irritate your gums, sticking like sand between your teeth. You feel the acid under your tongue. Something in your throat.

You slowly swallow the rest of the mixture in the glass. Now you just have to wait. You fall asleep.

Alone.

But you won't wake up on your own. Eternal peace. Eternal peaceful sleep.

Maybe it'll be better if there's anything waiting for you afterward. If only this pain would go away.

That's what you're counting on. Well, you haven't been good at math since kindergarten.

Day 732 

Finally, after a long while of walking, with a feeling of fear, with the gun pointed at your back, you reach the door of the building. With a deep sigh, slightly irritated by this whole protracted situation, you open the door

“Hey guys, come out.”

With irony in your voice, you look at the man standing at a notable distance from you.

"You see? Like I said, no one. here. There isn't"

You say angrily, clenching your fists. After a few moments, you turn on your heel and cross your arms over your chest, waiting for Ghost to move. Whatever was going on in his head right now was starting to irritate you. Constant silence on his part, and when he did have something to say. It was his words that were cold, harsh. Angry, rough commands. He addresses you without respect.

In fact, he treats you worse than a dog.

“I'll shoot you if no one comes out soon."

Ghost adjusted the gun resting on his shoulder, still aiming at you.

“No one will come out of this building...”

You sigh.

“...maybe you'll finally believe me and we'll end this nonsense? If this is how you host all your guests. I'd rather not know how my predecessors ended up.”

You add, exhaling loudly through your nose

“And I don't really want to find out”

While waiting for the man's reaction, you look at him closely. Why is he so hostile? Why does he still not believe you?

Yes, no one had the right in these strange times to trust anyone or anything, however, you appeared in the area defenseless. Without any weapons. You didn't even think to bring a knife with you. Nothing for possible self-defense. So he, after all, was just plain stubborn.

Finally, the man slowly, silently approaches you and searches the inside of the building.

Of course there is no one inside.

Paying no attention to you, the masked man turned around and moves back toward the vehicle.

“Let's go. There's not much time left.”

He throws over his shoulder in your direction. Nothing more, no apologies, you're right. I believe you now. No remorse, no understanding. Heartless, strange, Ghost.

As you sit next to the dog, with your back to the boot, the man starts the car with a squeal of tyres. The speed of the car is definitely higher. You are going too fast, even though there are no other road users besides you. It's as if Ghost is racing against the setting sun. Every now and then he nervously checks his watch and turns his head over his shoulder, towards the western sky. And so on and on.

The streets grow darker and darker. Night is coming. Nightfall.

This time you are heading in a different direction from the centre. A new, unfamiliar one. With Riley at your side, you watch the changing landscape with curiosity. Crowded, densely built-up streets with many tall buildings turn into new suburbs. Single family houses and wide pavements with overgrown yards appear before our eyes. This must once have been a nice, quiet and green neighbourhood. Families with children probably spent their best moments here, enjoying a happy life together. The middle class probably lived here and worked hard for every square metre. After school, children rode their bikes on the wide streets or ran on the green, evenly mowed lawns.

Once. Past. Memories.

Finally, after several minutes of crazy driving, the man parks the car next to one of the houses. Hurriedly he gets out and opens the garage door with a flourish.

Ghost quickly pulls in and reaches for the dog and pulls him out of the trunk. He puts him in another car, parked in the garage next door.

“Hurry up, we don't have much time.”

With that, Ghost opens the passenger door and gets behind the wheel without waiting for you.

When you change to a smaller vehicle and sit on the passenger side, you ask in surprise

“Why a we changing the car? What's going on?"

He doesn't answer anything, he rushes away. He drives for a while, again, in silence you notice him circling the area. You definitely pass the same house several times.

“Why are we driving around?”

You ask with a little fear. From minute to minute, every behavior of a man causes increasing nervousness in your body. Again, you find his behavior strange, irrational.

‘We need to confuse the trail, cover our tracks.’

The man finally speaks up and after a few moments stops at the next house.

‘Stay in the car and don't go anywhere, understood?’

Ghost quickly picks up Riley and, with the dog in his arms, marches quickly in an unknown direction. Disappearing from your sight after a moment. You're left alone, in the car, in an unknown place.

The sun was almost below the horizon, a small red glow gently illuminated the wide street.

Suddenly, the door opens on your side and you jump in your seat, slightly scared. Seeing the now familiar, masked figure, you breathe a sigh of relief.

“Shit!”

 You clutch your chest, mumbling.

“Put this on your shoes and walk fast, damn it.”

The man hands you something like hospital slippers. You quickly put them on over your shoes. Hearing his voice, you know perfectly well that there is no time for discussion. Time is running out.

"Pull your hair back or keep it out of the wind and follow me quickly. Don't you dare turn around and stop!"

The man grabs you by the elbow and pulls you out of the car. He moves quickly, taking quick and decisive long strides. Compared to his legs, yours are considerably shorter than his, you practically have to run to keep up with his pace.

Not only do your legs hurt, but you are simply out of shape. Many weeks of trekking to this city and saving the portions of food you took with you. And also, the nerves caused by today have left you simply out of shape, out of strength.

Stumbling, your legs slowly give up and you hold your hair with one hand to keep it from being blown away by the wind, as commanded. You try not to fall behind the man.

At one point, Ghost slows down for a moment and turns his head, looking behind him.

“Damn it, faster.”

Regardless of your protests, he grabs you and lifts you off the ground.

"Hold on to me and don't let go."

He energetically grabs your hips and lifts you up, pulling your body towards him. He squeezes your plump body hard, digging into your skin. He's practically running now. You hold on to him, praying that he doesn't fall under the pressure of your weight or suddenly drop you.

However, nothing of the sort happens, and you both quickly reach one of the larger houses in the area. The only thing that distinguishes it from the others. Apart from its size, is that it has massive shutters and is not as overgrown with weeds as the others in the area.

The man opens the door locks, with one hand, and hurriedly enters the house. Finally, he sets you down on the floor, mumbles something unintelligible under his breath. He closes first one front door and then another, more massive one with multiple security features.

The room goes dark.

‘Where are we?’

You finally ask hesitantly, catching your breath. You didn't even notice when you held your breath.

‘In my house.’

He answers briefly and walks past you into the cramped vestibule, deep into the dark hallway

‘Take off your shoes and jacket, leave them here. Follow me.’

Ghost's house is warm and somehow strangely cozy. Standing in the doorway of the living room, while the man hastily closes the shutters and before the room goes completely dark, you try to look around. Get acquainted with the new surroundings.

The interior is decorated in a simple style. Plain, single-coloured shelves. The dark furniture bends slightly under the pressure of the collected objects. Against the walls, where there is no furniture, stand towers of neatly arranged things. There were a lot of objects here. Everything neatly, perfectly arranged. Books, CDs, clothes, bins, boxes containing other things (rather essential for survival and ordinary daily needs). Everything neatly and evenly grouped. You will not be surprised if you find that the man has everything carefully catalogued. So if you were to ask him for a small lithium battery of the CR1620 type, he would certainly find it in a few moments, without hesitation.

Despite the large number of items stored, the space does not seem cluttered. In the middle of the room is a large dark sofa with a small coffee table, opposite one of the walls on which is a large flat-screen TV. Looking to your right, you notice a slight glow and notice that instead of another wall with lots of cupboards and shelves filled in, there are open double sliding doors that lead into the kitchen. Now that glow reaches you, it's the light from the LED lamps above the worktop, slightly illuminating the distant room. You make a mental note to ask the man later where he gets his electricity from. Because he definitely has some sort of energy source. So it's not just the tower you were in last time that has a power source. It looks like this house has been inhabited for a long time and is definitely set up to live in such apocalyptic conditions for a long time. Rather, you could ask the man if he found this house by chance. Did he know about this building beforehand, and if not, how did he know to prepare so much?

Maybe he was one of those weirdos who believed every conspiracy theory, every rumour. Perhaps he was once in some sect that spoke of the imminent end of the world.

When Ghost finishes closing the shutters, the room is completely dark. You don't even hear the man moving around the room because suddenly you hear his low voice from behind you.

“Follow me, you need to wash up.”

It's only now that it's come to you. That's right. You must stink badly. Now the smell must be clearly noticeable in an enclosed room.

You feel a wave of shame sweep over you. Your cheeks are definitely red.

So many days of wandering, sleeping anywhere, as long as there was a roof over your head.

When you set off, you didn't take too many things with you. You mainly packed food, a sleeping bag and one thick sweatshirt, which usually served as a pillow. In order not to carry too many weight in your rucksack. You did not take excess clothing, but only the most necessary things to survive. You didn't expect to find much food along the way that was still edible. You didn't know how long the trek would take. However, you didn't think it would be that long. Too long.

So you turn away in shame, lowering your head, even though the house is dark, you are afraid of the man's gaze. You feel your way towards where the Ghost's voice had just come from.

You feel embarrassed about yourself, you must have, well literally, stank. You can't even remember the last time you washed yourself properly. Before setting off, you managed to heat up the water you had collected and washed yourself thoroughly in the bath. You don't even remember how many days ago that was. Too long ago to remember.

You have quite long hair, which you had tied up in a braid for days without even untangling it or combing it every day. Now many strands have fallen out of the braid, in fact, even your hairstyle looked more like your hair was loose than braided.

But the fatigue and frustration of the ongoing journey had subsided and you no longer cared about looking presentable. You didn't expect to meet anyone.

Seeing the soft light that spread a pleasant warm and yellow aura in the narrow corridor. You slowly approach the open door. Finally you hear the clear voice of a man from deep in the room, and he speaks to you again in the same dark and monotonous voice.

“Take a bath, you have everything you need in the bathtub”

Then, following his voice, you enter a slightly lit room.

It is a large bathroom decorated in a minimalist style. Dark tiles and silver fittings. No windows, no shelves of supplies. Simple minimalist interior.

A man stands next to a large free-standing bathtub. Without waiting for your answer, he leaves and speaks again.

“Wait a few minutes, the water needs to heat up”

Before you can say anything, Ghost pushes past you and closes the door behind him.

You stand in the room for a few moments, you feel so unreal and strange. As if you were in some hotel. On a special vacation.

There was a time, well, you hardly even remember, when you had things like hot water, warmth, a house without a dripping roof and just a safe space. Everything is prepared and at your disposal. You don't have to search for anything. Scouring shops and houses to find the thing you need like shampoo, toothpaste or a hairbrush.

You sit down on the closed toilet, gently remove your gloves and place them on the sink, having to wash them by hand to put them back on as quickly as possible.

You struggle to remove your shoes, and a terrible sight appears to your eyes: socks that were probably white were now a mixture of several colours. Brown, greyish black or crimson. With great difficulty you remove the sock, hissing loudly in pain. The cotton material has stuck to the dried blood, fusing with the cotton material of the sock and with your foot. Some of the wounds are reopening. Most of the nails are practically black. They are likely to fall off soon. Now that your feet are finally uncovered and you are free to lay them on the cold stone tiles on the bathroom floor. You breathe more deeply.

Cursing under your breath, you try to undress. You slowly stand up, shaking on your swollen legs. It seems to you that it is even worse than when you had tightly knotted shoes on your feet the whole time.

After a few moments, you slowly reach for the rest of your clothes and slowly undress, throwing your dirty clothes on the floor. The last layer of clothes, the one closest to your skin, has practically stuck to it. The material is wet, as if greasy and even hard in some places, soaked through with the sweat that your skin has secreted over many weeks.

When you finally manage to undress, with shaking legs you walk over to the bath and sit down on its edge. As you turn on the tap you almost sob with joy. It's been a long time since you've seen running water. Hot straight from the tap. It used to be a normal thing that attracted attention, today it's an incredible luxury.

You hesitantly reach your hand under the flowing stream of water and shiver with pleasure. It's really, really warm. You don't even know what you're going to say to Ghost when you get out after your bath. You are so grateful to him. There are no words now to describe your joy and gratitude over such a trivial matter as this bath.

You reach for the bottle standing next to the bath. A 3-in-1 body wash. For men. Well, you can't have everything. But even if you only had warm running water at your disposal, you wouldn't mind at all.

When the bath fills to the bottom, you slowly step into it and sit down. Despite the growing tingling on your skin and the pinching of your wounds. You lean more comfortably against the tub, tilt your head back and close your eyes. You finally feel comfortable and can relax, at least for a while. Your muscles and injured skin, although they seem to hurt less for a while, can finally rest.

Hot water heats the bathroom, slowly steam appears in this small space, it becomes stuffy.

The bath takes a really long time. You contemplate how the water will slowly warm your frozen, swollen body. You wash every inch of your body thoroughly. The gel smells nice, you can feel lavender and sandalwood.

You don't care that a man might be angry with you and full of further resentment. Because you spent so much time in the bathroom. That you used too much water.

It feels so wonderful. Blissful. You finally wash your greasy and tangled hair and massage your scalp. You feel tears coming to your eyes. For the first time in you don't know when, you feel safe, just clean and comfortable. You allow yourself moments of weakness.

Relaxed, you fall asleep, but unfortunately the bad memories haunt you once again.

Days 64-66

You

You didn't see how long it would be before these peculiar cocktails full of anxiety would kick in, so you chose the closest place that seemed comfortable. The sofa in the living room.

Lying down, you hugged one of the cushions you had taken from your parents' bedroom earlier. It was big, soft and smelled like.... Mum. Home. The closeness. Security. Stability. All the good things that no longer existed.

You don't know how much time has passed, each passing minute seems like an eternity.

Eventually your eyelids become heavier and heavier. Your breathing slows down. You fall asleep. Hoping forever.

Unfortunately, you were wrong, the mixture of drugs was not what you expected. You wake up with a terrible, huge stomach ache, headache, nausea. You don't even have the strength to open your eyes.

You vomit. You can't collect your thoughts, you don't know what's going on. There is only one thing in your head: pain, pain, pain.

All this goes on for hours, moaning in pain, nausea, fainting. Breathing problems come on suddenly, convulsions occur.

Everything is one long agony.

This is not how it was supposed to be.

You were not meant to suffer.

Tears run down your cheeks, mixing with the vomit that is practically everywhere. You must have fallen off the couch. You don't even feel yourself hitting the floor.

Everything hurts so much.

 You fall asleep for brief moments. It all continues, the pain, the crying, the momentary loss of consciousness and then back again. Vicious circle. Endless.

When it all goes away for a while, you don't have the strength to get up, you stare at the white ceiling. Your heart beats fast.

Night and day pass. In the end, everything slowly subsides. This time you have failed. Something gave you another chance. Maybe there was a reason that you survived after all.

Days 732

You

You wake up abruptly and only after a while do you remember where you are. The bath water is already cold. You sit up shrinking your legs, hugging your legs tightly to your chest, wrapping your arms tightly around them. You bury your head, trying to make the bad memories disappear, hide, or preferably erase them from your mind.

It's not just the constant, daily nightmares that remind you of the ordeal that day. When you swallowed the ground pills and the wrong mixture caused one of the side effects to appear. That night you lost some of your hearing.

Maybe it was a punishment, or maybe it was meant as a reminder. It's not worth it. You shouldn't. No.

You will never forget.

Once the water is very cold, we get out of the bath. Although your body has thankfully relaxed a little. You wrap yourself in a towel and look around the bathroom. No sign of a change of clothes. After all, you're not going to parade around in a small towel that barely covers your pudgy body.

Slowly, hesitantly, you open the bathroom door, wanting to call out and ask a man for clean clothes. Because there is no point in wearing the old ones. They are fit to burn at most. You don't believe that even the best washing machine and detergents can cope with such dirt that has dried for weeks.

Looking down the corridor you notice a few changes. The corridor is softly lit, no longer dark.

And the other thing is that there is a chair opposite the bathroom door.

And on it lie nicely stacked brand new clothes, deodorant and a toothbrush. Next to it lie plasters, bandages and wound disinfectant.

You look around the corridor, but there is no one there but you.

In the distant kitchen you hear the clink of plates and cupboards being opened. You think you hear the clatter of Riley's claws walking quickly across the kitchen floor, a very familiar sound, something known from the past.

In addition to the symphony of sounds, your nostrils are filled with a smell. Food. Dinner. Definitely a warm meal. It's all so unreal, ordinary, idyllic. So innocent and mundane. As if those two years never happened, as if you were spending your weekend off gossiping at a friend's house. And you weren't struggling in drudgery and terror to survive.

Hurriedly, feeling your stomach growl with hunger, you pick up the things Ghost left for you from the chair. You glance at the tag of one of the clothes, not only were they the right size, they were from a really good and expensive company.

Returning to the bathroom you smile slightly, hugging the fresh and tactile clothes.

Well, maybe meeting and visiting Ghost's house wasn't as bad as you thought at first.

And maybe under the mask he wasn't such a scary person after all.

taglist:

@leviathanleva @chocolate-noodles @vmaxis @poohkie90 @ghostlythots @nobodys-coffee @famouscattale @youdontneedtoknow1226 @pimpinsins @justguessfan @novasilvae @pausbirudanlumbalumba @ella2497 @lunamoonbby @sams-pineapples @tonylagsagne @lurkinwbreexy

[crooked-wasteland]

Helluva Boss and its Cancerous Structure: Skipping to the "Good Stuff"

Vivienne Madrano has the dreaded affliction of having too many characters, followed by too many ideas. And the logical narrative to link everything together to actually tell a story doesn't seem to be a high priority for her.

For starters, the main plot of the story is supposed to be the relationship between Stolas and Blitz, but every decision that has been made throughout the show has worked to decrease the interest in this plot and relationship. Let's just start at the beginning. The major interest was Blitz being an Imp while Stolas is a prince of the Ars Goetia.

The status discrepancy and how these two individuals came to be in contact was a long-standing source of intrigue that the show seemed very aware of. The first episode (actually the pilot) established a hostile relationship between the two, mainly on Blitz's side, as he was the one who obviously had the weaker position in the deal. If he refuses to sleep with Stolas, he loses the book. He loses the book. He loses his entire business. The pilot also estaished that the business was Blitz's chosen family and thus was an emotional point for his character.

Regardless of the problematic blackmail-ish pretense to the whole thing, it's a good launch pad. It would be interesting watching Stolas fall into true feelings for Blitz, or for Blitz to become aware of his own soft power within the dynamic and how much control he actually has over Stolas through his emotions. However, we never see Stolas fall in love. From LooLoo Land to Ozzie's, the relationship just is changed every time we see it. Even with the suggestions made in the bad trip sequence of Truth Seekers, we never have any actual understanding of how Blitz feels on the relationship. Is he afraid? Trapped? Does he ever realize his own strength in the dynamic? Is he resentful? It never actually settles in what the relationship actually is.

Instead, Madrano does what I think has to be the worst form of storytelling I have ever seen. Rather than watching the characters grow and become more complex, we are sent back in time to justify the relationship by contrivance. Somehow, being friends for a day over two decades prior is all the justification we need. It rewrites the earlier dynamic of Stolas using Blitz because he can to having it be that Blitz was Stolas' childhood crush. That this crush was so strong it persevered through deception, distance, and time for Stolas to immediately beg Blitz to have his way with him at his wedding anniversary party.

The complexity and intrigue on how this relationship was supposed to work was stripped of all depth and relevance. There is no journey for this relationship to take actually because they got along so well that one day, a quarter of a century ago, that their compatibility is all but assured to the viewers. There is nowhere for the relationship to actually go now, making it unnecessary to the plot while also being the primary focus of the plot.

It is a beyond fascinating faux pas that hasn't just derailed the main plot, but appears repeatedly as microcosms of everything wrong with the shows past, present, and future.

The upcoming episode has been rather highly anticipated on Twitter. However, there is an inevitable looming disappointment that hangs over the episode and thus the show at large. As it has yet to be released, this is solely speculation, but I am fairly confident in this assessment due to the trends thus far.

To be frank, this episode exists on the foundation of misunderstanding the narrative purpose of a character, namely Fizzarolli. Madrano suffers from the amateur affliction of over-creation mixed with under-exploration. While not every character needs an explicit purpose outside of expanding the world, a character to closely entwined with your main lead needs a very clear reason to being involved with the plot.

And that's where I feel this episode will crash and burn. There is no purpose to the existence of Fizzarolli. He did not need to exist for Blitz to have an unsuccessful performance career or his resentment to those who have success and fame. It adds nothing to the main character or their life.

Narratively speaking, it would make sense if Fizzarolli existed as a former or slighted love interest to Blitz who then can be used, not as a foil, but as a mirror for Blitz to be forced to contend. Because the point would then be to have Fizzarolli be the living embodiment of all of Blitz's past mistakes that he must reconcile before he and Stolas can be happy and grow their relationship.

Except, as previously mentioned, that is not a factor in the plot. The childhood friends trope between Blitz and Stolas makes this narrative unnecessary. Blitz and Stolas just are, and their conflicts are external threats (Octavia, Stella, Striker), not internal reflections of their worst tendencies. They are not at odds within themselves so much as they just seem to level up and change after every major emotional beat.

Less an MMO where you need to work for that next number through time and dedication to the world and character and more akin to those click bait ads where the most mundane change can completely alter their present self. It's unfulfilled.

Additionally, instead of focusing on the main cast, Madrano insists on reaching above her ability. To treat a minor side character as a main character is an event that is earned by first proving you understand your main characters, which has not been achieved. So, instead of experiencing the same story from the alternative perspective, it feels like a wholly new beginning unrelated to the previous concept. It feels unfinished on a narrative standpoint because the question remains, why is this story important to tell.

That's a very lean way of structuring any story, but lean is worlds better than what we are currently being fed. Bones and fat do not a hearty meal make. Learn to stand before we walk. Madrano hasn't learned quite how to crawl narratively speaking.

In Seeing Stars, the conflict between Stolas and Octavia is identical to Season 1's LooLoo Land. The one way it attempts to make up for the spiritual rerun is by trying to add a parallel secondary plot between Blitz and Loona. However, the problem between Stolas and Octavia is resolved with a simple "Whoops, I forgot" while Blitz and Loona never share a word about their problems. Rather, the episode justifies Loona's abuse of Blitz and misbehavior in general by basically saying "She's had a hard childhood". Showing a brief glimpse into said childhood for Blitz to feel guilty for attempting to set any kind of boundary and claim ownership of being the problem when, in reality he isn't the one in the wrong.

Loona is never given the opportunity to talk about herself either. Instead, she is the preaching mouthpiece for Madrano and Co to talk about how great these characters are without actually seeing any of them do those great things. Loona never speaks on herself and how insecure she feels or how she can't help but need to push Blitz's envelope constantly to feel any kind of security, waiting for him to abandon her like everyone else.

None of this is explored, instead implying that this understanding of the characters should be derived from engaging with their pasts rather than their present selves. We are not encouraged to want our characters to actively change, but to instead "remember the good times." We are not challenged to grow and adapt with age and experience, but instead should be allowed to remain the same and not be responsible for how our actions affect others.

The entire approach to character growth and complexity is antithetical to the mere definition of "Maturity".

[qoldenskies]

What would cc raph and tim's relationship look like? I haven't heard much about them yet

raph would have to warm up to him first, but ultimately positive. they'd be pretty good friends, actually.

he'd have the most subdued reaction to learning about it. cc!raph is arguably just as noticeably damaged as donnie is, i'd say. it's actually going to show up more in how he treats people he's not familiar with, especially humans--he's quiet, extremely cautious. he always seems to be trying to make himself smaller, less intimidating. he doesn't as easily fall back into the same banter that leo and mikey can unless he's encouraged to. a lot of his bold passion is completely smothered, and the idea of being perceived as a threat throws him into spiraling panic. he'll only leverage his size and strength if he feels like he has to, and sometimes that's only when he's triggered, which will immediately throw him into extreme territory.

if raph is going to have a "hurt him and i'll hurt you" talk, it's only going to be if timothy has already done something wrong (which could happen, he's bound to stumble). otherwise he'd mostly approach exclusively donnie about with hushed "i don't know about this" talk, which wouldn't be good either because it'd be accidentally guilt-trippy (a cornerstone of cc!bnb ... constantly guilt-tripping each other. they just can't seem to stop). around tim he just finds convenient excuses to leave, especially if he's in their home. they'd probably all take to just saying that raph is. shy. which is probably true at this point!

donnie will socialize, even though he fumbles and stumbles over himself and constantly apologizes, but raph will genuinely just act avoidant and conveniently disappear. he's a lot quieter about it, while donnie is all over the place. he's less suspicious of other people than leo is, but all of the trauma and self-loathing as caused him to isolate himself at this point. he can put it aside for the sake of things like cj, though. having an objective to work towards set them up for a better friendship tbh.

ironically i think the thing that will actually get raph to talk to tim one-on-one will be. probably leo's endorsement. he's been putting up with leo bitching about this guy and constantly going on and on about how dangerous/careless he potentially is, and the moment he throws in a good word and says it is worth it to try and get to know him, that means tim's truly proven himself somehow. leo doesn't trust people easily. raph trusts leo's word on this more than anyone, especially knowing how sharp he is.

meanwhile i think tim would find raph's sense of humor and energy charming, when he manages to get him out of his shell a little bit. donnie has genuinely just lot that old spark (and developed a new one, he does get a lot of that zest for life back) but raph is still very himself, just downtrodden and wary. he's unsure of those old bits of himself would be welcome, but he'd flourish when he feels comfortable. having outside friendships would help a lot. they'd have a very dudebro friendship. might form a trio with casey (i do like raph and casey ending up friends, i feel like in cc she'd be very protective of him). raph would never be overtly hostile like leo, although he probably got drawn into some of the shenanigans, so there's no bad blood to overcome.

for the record, ive kinda made up my mind on the idea that tim is a very nice person. a squishy marshmallow of a man. but he does not take shit, ESPECIALLY from donnie's weird family. he will be understanding once he gets to the meat of why they're like that, but he's not going to be super nice to try and appease them. if they accidentally insult donnie's ability to make his own choices by leveraging shit at tim, he's not going to take that sitting down. he can laugh off insults at him or roll his eyes but he will lose his limitless patience the second they try and act like donnie is too weak to handle himself. tim WILL try and fistfight leo over that. ironically that might be the first time he earns a smidgen of his respect.

[brekkie-e]

Sometimes I just. Dont like the internet. I can't seem to escape seeing the Astarion's Correct Path to Sexual Healing argument no matter what tags I block.

I don't want to actually wade in to it, but I just want to say that there could stand to be a LOT less hostility being spewed about when the topic is that close to many people's hearts. There doesn't need to be a more "morally" correct version of healing for him. He is in the MIDDLE of recovery. Not at the end of it. That chapter is up to interpretation to each player.

It is incredibly unkind to automatically accuse people of infantalizing him for preferring a more ace route. It does not HAVE to be infantalizing. Astarion continuing to explore his needs and boundaries and discovering that he doesn't need sex and it doesn't give him the emotional intimacy he craves can be an empowering aspect of self acceptance. That can be growth. A sign of his continued journey towards autonomy. He has spent, unironically, a lifetimee having sex. If even at the end of the day, he comes to realize it's simply disinteresting to him- that's a valid route to recovery. That doesn't make him broken. That is without even mentioning the reality some people do not go back to "baseline" as they heal. Sometimes our baseline changes because of our experiences. He may discover as time goes on that no matter how much he tries, it never stops triggering negative feelings in him. I have my own personal experiences with this, and I think there's something very powerful in accepting yourself for who you are now, and not feeling like you have an obligation to "fix yourself" and get back to a version of you that no longer exists.

The flipside?

Astarion learning to love being sexually intimate with his partner does not inherently mean that the player is ignoring his desire to "not be seen sexually." Astarion at multiple points expresses an interest in trying it out. It doesn't always go well, but it's his choice to pursue it and that should be respected. He, just like irl sex abuse survivors, should be supported as they try to create a new relationship with it. He shouldn't be discouraged from having his own desires. Being able to take something that was used to hurt you and create a new and positive relationship with it because you found someone you love and trust that is patient with you is a BEAUTIFUL story. It is narratively satisfying and also a reflection of real growth as well. Telling people that they're somehow mistreating the character for wanting that for them is also unnecessarly hostile.

There is also a secret, third option. His relationship with it might remain fluid and change constantly through out his life. Healing is not linear. His interest in it may fluctuate. His response to it might fluctuate. He may go through periods of not wanting it again. He might one day decide he wants to try it again. It's not set in stone.

All I am saying is that there SHOULD be room in this fandom for all three of these truths to exist. It shouldn't be necessary to shout from the roof tops how much he loves sex to prove a point to people who think differently than you. They may have their own reasons for resonating with him in a different way. Flipside, it is entirely uncalled for to attack people for wanting him to be able to enjoy it again.

I guess what I am trying to say is make space for and be kind to your fellow fan.

Also, Astarion has WAY more trauma than simply his relationship to sex. So like. Maybe it's time we moved past this topic collectively and discuss the many other ways his life has been affected by Cazador.

[mejcinta]

The Bias Problem with HotD Relationships and Character Dynamics.

I have a big problem with how HoTD goes out of its way to make otherwise good Fire and Blood relationships bad just for spectacle sake and to shame certain characters while elevating others as the 'better' choice.

You see this with Laena and Daemon's show! marriage where they're miserable, and Rhaenyra is presented as this eternal love that Daemon will abandon his wife's memory for in a heartbeat during her own funeral. Just note that in the book Daemon's motive for marrying Laena wasn't clear, but Laena wasn't described as being miserable in her marriage. In fact, Daemon was quite loving and caring, even to her death day.

Also, when it comes to parenting, notice how Daemon is positioned all over the Strong boys and not Baela and Rhaena. He's not even uttered a single word to teen Baela and Rhaena directly in season 1.

Furthermore, Aegon and Helaena are very different in the show, with the emphasis being put on Aegon's infidelity instead of how he navigates his, need I say 'free', marriage with Helaena. It was always interesting how in the book Helaena seems hyper aware of his actions and responds with sass to people demanding she discover where Aegon is. It was not uncommon for princes to behave the way Aegon did in his marriage, but Aegon's conduct is treated as a unique case and a blemish on his character and Helaena's on the show, where even Daemon and his whores are offered more grace. The Dyana situation did not help their portrayal either.

And let's not forget Viserys and Alicent's marriage. Whereas in the book Viserys is said to do all that he could to please BOTH Alicent and Rhaenyra, the show hammers in the point that Viserys cares jack shit about Alicent. Even what he does to 'please' her, like letting Alicent choose who Helaena should marry instead of Rhaenyra, is never shown explicitly as an effort he makes to appease his wife. "I'm going to bed, Aemma" was also a painful and invented callback to Cersei and Robert's miserable marriage, despite of Alicent and Visery's marriage in the book and show being radically different from Cersei and physically abusive Robert.

Moreover, Viserys is somehow not allowed any scenes with his children with Alicent. Aegon and him especially have not spoken in depth at all, yet Aegon is the male heir he's always wanted and was willing to sacrifice his first wife Aemma for. And no, Visery's hostile interrogation of Aegon in ep 7 doesn't count as an interaction. Meanwhile, we have countless scenes of Viserys with Rhaenyra and Daemon.

On the family front, everyone that's NOT Viserys, Daemon or Rhaenyra look like losers.

Additionally, it goes without saying that ALL these changes have served to elevate Rhaenyra and Daemon as the ideal union and dynamic on the show. The general audience that have not read the books often see them as the symbol of an ideal couple and the media continues pushing this narrative as well.

All this leaves me wondering: what changes and sacrifices will they make with Nettles or even Alys and Aemond to maintain this image of Rhaenyra and Daemon that they have constructed and elevated as the ultimate power couple at the expense of other Fire and Blood relationships?

You know it is still possible to have other couples shine in their own right, and have their merits much as they are flawed...without taking from another couple. I don't think Ryan and Co believe in this concept, though. That is why other characters and their dynamics with others have been and will be compromised.

[justali-anne]

My favourite interpretation of Sans that I've never actually seen much is the idea that... Okay, he's pretty much given up on most things, like stopping the resets, going back home etc. but there's that TINY part of him that's just like, "nah, you haven't given up yet, have you?" And he's trying so hard to bury that part of him or ignore it cuz it scares him or something. Like, he just wants to relax! Stop giving him anxiety, tiny bit of hope! Eventually he can't ignore it anymore and...

Well, it can go in two or three ways.

The best possible outcome is to rekindle and nurture what's left of Sans' hope. We just gotta draw it out somehow. This is where the Pacifist Route comes in. Either that or the Family neutral ending, where we spare and befriend everyone but we don't enter Alphys' lab. I guess that throughout the Pacifist Route, we do all that sparing and befriending jazz, and from a monster's perspective, it's purely inspirational, especially after a long history of hostility between the two races. Can you imagine the kind of effect our kindness could have on the almost hopeless? On someone like Sans, who firmly believes that he's given up on everything, but there's still that tiny part of him that wants to hold on, to continue? Sans' hope seems to be a fragile little thing that needs a lot of care in order to blossom. And with the Pacifist Route, we have the opportunity to do that.

Of course, there's also the option to destroy the little bit of hope Sans has left with some of the more gruesome Neutral Routes, especially ones where we kill Papyrus. Like the Leaderless ending, for instance. Here, Sans has fallen completely into despair. He's shown signs of bitterness and coldness, which isn't completely foreign to him, but it's heartbreaking for that to come from such a warm-hearted character. He's completely given up here. Brought to the absolute brink of despair from our actions.

Now, the Genocide Route is a... unique case. It's kind of a mixture of both? We put everyone through the wringer, causing as much pain as possible. We kill Sans' friends and the last remaining family he has. Surely he has fallen into despair. But then there's that funny thing he does where he fights us at the end, hoping that it would get us to go back and fix everything. Oddly enough, he seems to have fallen into despair and gained hope at the same time? It's almost like, what's the word...? Oh yeah. Desperation. It's not just about trying to stop us from destroying the world, it's not just about fixing everything and bringing back his brother, but it's also about holding onto that little spark inside of him. With this interpretation, he may be scared of hoping, but he's also scared to lose that last remaining bit of hope he has left. That could be one factor in why Sans even bothers to fight us at all. His hope, it's fragile, it's scary, but it's also important.

Honestly, I kind of see Sans as a sort of wounded optimist. Like, when despair hits, it hits HARD. And I'm guessing this is because he used to be such a big, genuine optimist before. I mean, come on! If you believe in the theory that Sans raised Papyrus, then where do you think Papyrus got it from? Sans strikes me as a guy who's desperately trying to see the good in everything. Even in the Genocide Route, he does this. Not only with the sparing trick, but there's a few points before you fight kill Papyrus where Sans tries to see the positive. For example, if you check the crossword and not skip it, he says that you can't be all bad if you like crosswords. Sweetie, no...

Sans is a strange guy. It's like he's constantly toeing the line between hope and despair, and even he doesn't know which side to go on. On one hand, hope is terrifying. It's easier to expect the worst than to hope for the best and end up feeling disappointed. But on the other hand, he needs that buried optimism. He has to find reasons to keep going, to move forward, to persevere. It's heartbreaking. He comes off as such a positive person, always smiling and joking around, wanting to make his friends happy (and I'm almost certain his goofiness isn't a complete facade, either, but that's a post for another time), so it hurts even more that someone like that is struggling so much.

Anyway, this was supposed to be a post about an interpretation of Sans that I like, but it ended up becoming some sort of analysis. Oh, well. I guess I'll just end it here.

[softysofao3]

I know it's been weeks but the JD Vance Doughnut shop video still haunts me. The amount of people who fucked up with that is astounding.

First, the preparation.

They could have contacted the owners before going. The owners might have been there, and the employees would have had warning about filming. A little research would have helped.

If you have a candidate who finds social situations difficult, prep them! I assume based on the video that it was the first time he bought doughnuts from a shop like that. They should have given him more material than just the "two dozen doughnuts, please." They could have practiced the encounter amongst themselves or JD could have done a practice stop in another doughnut place without the cameras.

Knowing him and throwing him in a semi-hostile new social setting is not a way to go. As someone who struggles with social situations, having someone film me like that would be a nightmare.

He should have had a script ready. Instead of awkwardly asking each employee how long they had worked there, he could have asked about the best things about working there. Or just anything about the product.

If you don't know how to order an assortment of doughnuts, tell them you want 1/2/3 of each. Or ask them for their favourites. Or ask about the best sellers. Anything other than "whatever makes sense".

Then the posting of the video. How the hell is someone in the year 2024 posting a video where someone explicitly states they don't want to be filmed, without AT LEAST blurring their face???? That's just basic decency people!

And who watched the video and thought the impact would be positive???? How did that video ever get released?

To my understanding (not from the US) the entire purpose of these videos is to show that the candidate is like an ordinary person. They have respect for other people, even minimum wage workers in the food industry. The JD Vance video shows the exact opposite of that. He seems to be lost among the regular people, and doesn't have any interest in what he's buying or the people serving it. I don't think I could have scripted a worse video if I tried.

I don't understand how they fucked it up that bad. Having a candidate who is not natural in these situations is not necessarily bad, but then you need to handle it better. The bar was on the floor, but they somehow still limboed under it.

[andorerso]

Christmas with the Andors + Erso + Kerri. For the 5 things.

oh, this one's definitely a modern AU! not Maarva friendly but I hope you guys don't expect anything else from me by now.

it's first time Cassian's introducing Jyn to his family. they started dating recently, or so they say. no, Maarva doesn't have to know they've been dating for a year. no, she doesn't have to know Cassian has met the Ersos numerous times and actually spent Thanksgiving dinner with them instead of stuck at home with the flu as he claimed. no, she doesn't have to know they're already living together. it's just... he's learned over the years that it's easier to keep Maarva out of his love life when he can. but it's been a year now, and he actually thinks he might spend the rest of his life with Jyn if she wants to as well, so they have to get over the introductions at some point.

Kerri very kindly pretends she's never met Jyn before and hasn't known about her all along. no, Maarva doesn't have to know they went Christmas presents shopping together just last week. hey ma, isn't Jyn great? don't know what she sees in my idiot brother, but I'm happy for them.

well, Maarva's not sure she agrees. she isn't being outright hostile or rude, but there's always that undercurrent of judgment in her tone. Cassian's so used to it, he almost doesn't notice, that's just how Maarva talks, but Jyn definitely notices and is a bit off-put that this seems to be the norm. Maarva's skeptical, suspicious, inquisitive, definitely overbearing. she doesn't suspect their treachery, but she's clearly evaluating Jyn like she's at a job interview applying for a position in their family, and somehow Jyn doesn't think she's passing.

honestly, she doesn't even care. let the woman think what she wants, what matters is Cassian's opinion. but Cassian's clearly getting more and more pissed off by the second. this is why he never introduces his partners, this is why he waited a year to even tell them about Jyn. Kerri tries to remain cheery, and Clem does his best to keep the tension at bay, but there's no way it doesn't all end in an explosive argument once Cassian finally snaps. in the heat of the moment, he lets it slip that not only has he and Jyn been dating for a year, they've also moved in together last month. the oven pings at that exact moment to signal that the pie is ready. shockingly, no one wants any.

Jyn feels like it's probably best for her to leave at that point. she was gonna spend the night here with Cassian but it doesn't seem like such a good idea now, and although she would like to stay and support him, her presence is probably only making things worse. she gets up to excuse herself, but Cassian absolutely panics, thinking this is it, Maarva has successfully driven her away, because why would he be worth enduring this treatment, what sane person would want to put up with it every year? he follows her outside in a desperate haze to apologize, and she reassures him she's not that easy to scare away. I'm not dating your mother, Cassian, I'm dating you, she says while stroking his cheek. Cassian lets himself lean into her touch, relaxing for what feels like the first time that entire night. yeah, he's gonna have to go back in there and have a very difficult conversation with his mother, and it's not gonna be pretty, and there might be tears and screaming, but right now, it's just the two of them with flakes of snow falling around them and their breaths mingling in the cold air and nothing's going to ruin this moment. (inside, Kerri's definitely yelling, and he can hear Clem's soothing tone once again trying to play the peacemaker. just about how your average Andor dinner would go. Merry fucking Christmas.)

[veliseraptor]

potential (and very self indulgent) au: jiang yanli and jiang cheng join wei wuxian in becoming demonic cultivators

oooh, fun. I have kind of a hard time making this one work in my head (especially for jiang cheng, actually), but let's see here, I've been Challenged so I'm going to make it work

first off, Jiang Cheng - I think the initial requirement here is that the Jiang Sect is never reconstructed. whether that's because it's just too wrecked to rebuild or for whatever reason Jiang Cheng can't hold it (the sect) together (unfair to Jiang Cheng imo, but handwave), but if Jiang Cheng has a sect to protect that he will never see decimated like it was before again, I don't think he would ever turn to demonic cultivation and the risks it entails (politically, socially, etc.). even though in the immediate aftermath of Sunshot Wei Wuxian's skills aren't considered with quite the same hostility they are later, they still are pretty quickly increasingly suspect by society at large.

the other possibility here would be the core transplant not working out, somehow - either temporarily succeeding and then there's some kind of rejection, or it just never succeeds and both Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian end up coreless. Jiang Cheng seizes on the one means he now has to get revenge for the death of his family, and maybe believing that he couldn't lead a sect without his cultivation (I don't think it would necessarily be impossible, but he didn't ask me) he doesn't try to rebuild Jiang Sect at all.

the hard one here I think is Jiang Yanli, who doesn't seem to have significant cultivation ambitions in general, and certainly her brothers would both heavily push back against her practicing something as dangerous as demonic cultivation, particularly considering she seems to have a delicate constitution.

(I'm personally partial when it comes to demonic cultivator Jiang Yanli to it happening after Wei Wuxian's death, with also a dead Jiang Cheng and Jin Zixuan, driven by a need to protect and fear for Jin Ling, but that doesn't suit this particular AU. in this maybe she's just driven/motivated by the need to protect her brothers, who are both walking a dangerous path now.

this would have the side effect of probably nixing her marriage to Jin Zixuan entirely, since she's not going to be looking terribly eligible under the circumstances - and wouldn't be bringing a sect alliance with her. Jin Guangshan isn't going to go for that one, love match or not.

all three of them in this scenario no longer have the protection of a sect behind them, though, which puts them in an even more precarious position - pressure to join one, certainly, but also putting them on the fringes of things, which is not a good place to be in the cultivation world.

the trouble here is going to still come with the Wen remnants, though - Wei Wuxian still feels obligated to protect them, and Jiang Cheng perhaps even more emphatically in this AU (particularly if he's coreless) does not. without the need to protect the sect Jiang Cheng might land in a different place than he does in canon, but it definitely would put a strain on their relationship, and the last thing that they need at that point would be to be divided as society gets increasingly hostile.

I have a hard time envisioning this AU going anywhere good, tbh; I feel like it ends in a blaze of glory with all three siblings dead in a siege on the Burial Mounds. but maybe that's my pessimism talking. maybe their powers combined could hold off the force of the cultivation world's hostility pressing down on them. but it doesn't look great for our heroes.

[lhs3020b]

Was Vashti a Morlock ... ?

Today, I'm considering the possibility that EM Forster's "The Machine Stops" is actually set in the same world as Wells's "The Time Machine".

Consider.

Both stories posit deep-future worlds that have experienced social change we would find disorienting. Both have canonical subterranean societies. Both also have a surface-dwelling population who are isolated from the undergrounders, and relations seem to have a hostile edge. The Time Traveller asserts that Morlocks predate on the Eloi; meanwhile, according to Kuno, the Machine will directly-attack any surface dweller who gets too close.

Of course, this idea leads to the amusing conclusion that Vashti and Kuno are actually Morlocks - though, Vashti is described as being short and very pale, which actually does (slightly) fit with what little we see of the Morlocks in "Time Machine". (Neither she nor Kuno are described as being furry, but on the other hand, neither of them is described as not being furry either, so make of that what you will!)

The inconsistencies are that Vashti's world is described as brightly-lit, at least up until the end - though, it is notable that she turns the lights off when she's on the videophone thing to Kuno, and also there is my speculation that Morlock eyes actually work in what we'd consider the infrared. Maybe it's brightly-lit to Vashti, but it wouldn't be to us. (A tangential speculation, in this case, is to wonder whether the shift to seeing in the infrared happened naturally, or whether it was deliberately-engineered at some point - perhaps as a cost-saving measure for lightbulbs or something. There is more-than-a-suggestion in "The Machine Stops" that the population are subject to a program of eugenics, though its intentions are ones we would find surprising even for eugenicism.) The other major inconsistency is that the Time Traveller never sees any airships - that said though, perhaps he's simply in an area which isn't under any Machine-regulated flightpaths, so in that scenario, of course he wouldn't, would he?

Also the Time Traveller's 802,701 AD is described as being uncomfortably warm, whereas Vashti and Kuno both consider the aboveground world to be cold and bitter - but, this could simply be an acclimatisation effect? Living underground, Vashti is simply used to it being very warm? Given that the Machine civilisation is subterranean, it could be that we would consider it very warm in their tunnels and pods. After all, temperatures start to rise the deeper you go, as you're getting closer to the mantle (and, ultimately, the Earth's inner core).

Another detail of similarity between the two settings is that the Morlocks' world connects to the surface through apertures that the Time Traveller compares to wells. The old access tunnel that Kuno finds distinctly-reminds me of one of those Morlock "wells", complete with the rung-steps up the inside.

One more possibility is that the Time Traveller arrived some time after the Machine stopped; this would explain both the disrepair of what infrastructure he observes, and also possibly the Eloi-phagy. After all, following the collapse of the Machine civilisation, its survivors are food-insecure! (This, of course, assumes we accept the Time Traveller's interpretation of the Morlocks as cannibals; as I've discussed before, I'm not convinced of that.)

The one remaining detail that doesn't quite fit is that the air of the aboveground world of the Machine is apparently somehow toxic, and the Time Traveller has no difficulty breathing. But perhaps the toxicity is overstated, and Vashti and Kuno are simply too used to a highly-filtered gas mix? There is also some evidence in the text that the Machine, or its agents in whatever government their civilisation has, have been lying about just how toxic and dangerous the surface world is. Kuno's experience proves that some sort of human life is still possible up there, and indeed some passages imply that he may have eventually been able to adapt to the outer air in time.

In fact, the narrative may hint at an alternative explanation for the "toxic" air. When Kuno tries to open the pneumatic plug at the top of the shaft, he and the plug are apparently blown clear of the shaft, popped out like a cork from a bottle. And, the air from the shaft is at such a flow-rate that it's able to keep his respirator floating aloft above it for several hours. It's not clear why exactly the catacombs were designed like this, but it does seem clear that the air pressure inside is much higher than out on the surface of the Earth.

When Machine-denizens emerge onto the surface and feel ill, are they actually being poisoned, or are they experiencing a form of altitude sickness? One that perhaps the respirators mitigate by supplying extra oxygen? Perhaps the cause for the collapses Machine-people apprarently suffer on the surface isn't chemical toxicity, but rather something like a pulmonary embolism caused by a sudden change in air pressure? Perhaps if they had time to acclimatise more gently, they might be fine.

Anyway, all of this is far from proven, but it's an entertaining scenario nonetheless.

[socialjetlags]

╰ ☆ ◞ avan jogia / nonbinary / he/they ——— no way, is that KAVI DESAI? you know, they’re 32 years old and they’ve been in los angeles for 12 YEARS. they’re chillin’ as a MUSICIAN & MANAGER at ALT CULT RECORDS. oh and they’re notoriously known for being PRETENTIOUS but there are some people who have seen them be ENTHUSIASTIC. i heard they’re a part of a BAND called STATIC MIDNIGHT, yeah, they’re a DRUMMER. to be honest they sound a lot like BASEMENT & CITIZEN. they’re actually A RISING STAR.

I. BASICS.

FULL NAME: kavi desai.

NICKNAME(S): avi (a shortened version of their name, also happening to hold the meaning of "sheep"), shepherd (see: explanation for avi. sheep doesn't seem to flow too well as a nickname, & here comes a moniker he'll never shake), pepsi.

AGE: 32.

DATE OF BIRTH: february 9, 1992.

PLACE OF BIRTH: maywood, california, usa.

GENDER: nonbinary.

PRONOUNS: he/they.

ORIENTATION: bisexual.

LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: english, gujurati.

NEIGHBOURHOOD: west paradise.

LIVING ARRANGEMENTS: lives in a one-bedroom unit at the aster apartments.

II. FAMILY TIES.

MOTHER: mindy desai, distantly supportive relationship. there's nothing stronger than a mother's love, they say, but kavi could name a few things. mindy is a good mom, mostly, and she makes sure to check in every now and then. sometimes she'll even refer to recent news of static midnight, if there is anything to speak of. if kavi could complain of one thing, it would be that she always has to slide "your father loves you, you know" into conversation.

FATHER: jevan desai, hostile relationship. to put it simply, jevan disagrees with the life that kavi is living, and kavi often fans the flames—if he's going to piss his dad off regardless, he might as well do a good job at it.

SIBLINGS: palomi desai, younger sister. palomi thought the world of kavi when they were kids, and well... she still kind of does. she is their motivation to do good & be good. if they have one only fan, it's palomi.

PETS: a tuxedo cat (unoriginally) named socks. if you ask kavi, she's "a sweet little thing." everyone who's met her so far would have to disagree.

III. OCCUPATIONAL INFO.

OCCUPATION: musician, manager of alt cult records.

NAME OF THEIR ACT: static midnight.

DO THEY PLAY INSTRUMENTS? IF SO WHAT?: drums.

HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEEN A PART OF THE ACT?: 4 years.

ARTIST INFLUENCES: karnivool, soul blind, superheaven; he takes a lot of musical inspiration from heavy shoegaze artists.

CURRENT MONTHLY SPOTIFY/APPLE MUSIC LISTENS ON AVERAGE: 14k.

IV. APPEARANCE.

FACE CLAIM: avan jogia.

HAIR COLOR: naturally dark brown, but currently bleached to a near-platinum tone. looks a bit like half-assed frosted tips with the dark roots starting to come back in.

EYE COLOR: dark brown.

HEIGHT: 177cm, 5ft10.

BUILD: slim, defined muscles.

TATTOOS: a decent amount on his torso, arms & legs. details tbd.

PIERCINGS: double lobe piercings, left nostril stud.

CLOTHING STYLE: experimental. mixes all kinds of fabrics & patterns, mostly dresses in a muted color palette. wears a lot of loose, flowing pants paired with tighter tops.

DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: thick eyebrows, long eyelashes.

V. PERSONALITY.

MBTI: esfp-t, the entertainer.

ELEMENT: water.

WESTERN ZODIAC: aquarius.

CHINESE ZODIAC: monkey.

POSITIVE TRAITS: enthusiastic, adventurous, accepting, humorous, forward, decisive, open.

NEGATIVE TRAITS: pretentious, argumentative, (too) open and also somehow not open enough, self-sabotaging, unreliable.

HOBBIES: doom-scrolling, generating ai pictures of himself in different styles, denying any and all wrongdoing that they’ve ever done, irritating their cat and then giving her treats to reel her back in, working out, bitching about working out, fishing for people to tell him that his workouts are paying off, trying new diners, hanging out at bars, window-shopping, rearranging their living room and then ultimately ending up on the same layout, arguing with his neighbors over the noisiness of him moving his furniture every other day, spreading misinformation, pondering the possibility that it’s time for him to grow up and then deciding that he’s still got time.

VI. WANTED CONNECTIONS.

LONG-TERM EX: “the one”, almost. kavi was a flight risk from the get, but this person gave him an honest chance—and fell so in love that they stayed long after it had become obvious that he wasn’t willing to give them what they needed. up and down relationship, passionate one day & dull the next; a routine that established itself and persisted for two or three years. they were living with kavi up until the breakup, which was around christmas 2023. they still have an immense amount of love for each other, but understand that they lack romantic capability. staying friends through it all, for better or for worse. the vibes: the 1 by taylor swift, i know the end by phoebe bridgers, cellophane by fka twigs, two slow dancers by mitski, renegade by big red machine & taylor swift, new perspective by noah kahan, etc etc…

THE BEST FRIEND: they’ve been through hell & back together, even if most of this so-called “hell” was self-created. there’s not much kavi wouldn’t do for them, so long as they keep cat-sitting when he’s out of town.

CUSTOMERS: people who shop at alt cult records somewhat regularly and are often subject to kavi’s pretentiousness, as music is where it tends to come out. the person who thinks he’s so cool, the person who’s sick of him acting like they give a shit about anything he’s got to say, the person who thinks he’s a sleazebag but he’s Hawt so they’ll pretend to be interested in what he’s saying all day every day, etc etc!

QUESTIONNAIRE. 

start at the beginning, who are you and why are you important?

“i’m kavi desai,” he says, as if it that’s all he has to say; there’s something suffocatingly smug in it, telling of who he is. a conglomeration of false confidence and one-liners. “i was just an indian kid with a dream, and now i’m managing a record store and playing in a band that people actually give a shit about; no matter what angle you look at it from, i’ve got something to be proud of, right? and, believe me, it gets better from here.”

how long have you been making music?

“as long as i can remember, really. i asked for a guitar for christmas one year. i can’t remember how old i was, maybe nine or ten, and santa provided. i learned fast and i wrote a lot of songs as a teenager, most which were complete dog shit. i ended up picking up drums ‘cause a good friend of mine was selling their set, and i guess there was somethin’ in me that knew where i needed to be. hey, here i am.”

how would you describe the kind of music you make?

“honest rock music. in a band, you have to work together to make something worth listening to—but if you understand who i am and what i do, you’ll understand there’s a lot of self-revelation in it. i like to try new things, and i like to believe that it all comes from my heart.”

who are some of your biggest musical influences?

“when i was growing up, the main one was the smashing pumpkins. i could probably play every song from pisces iscariot on a guitar to this day—but hey, don’t hold me to that, alright?… nowadays, i really like superheaven. their drummer’s style really stands out to me. they don’t make music anymore, but their discography never gets old.”

what is the first record you ever bought?

“the all-american rejects’ move along. not a single skip on it.”

what has working in the music industry meant to you thus far in your career?

“excitement. if i’m honest, not much else to speak of yet, but i think we’re getting close to something.”

what are some stand out moments from your career so far?

“it’s always nice to be told that i inspired someone to start drumming… or to see a pretty girl lose her shit from catching a setlist. hey, let me tell ya, moments like that will make you feel like a real rockstar!”

what are you still hoping to achieve in your career?

“well,” they start, grinning ear-to-ear—their bashfulness now evens out the vanity from earlier. “i want a sure sign that i’ve made it. this might look different for other musicians, but for me… it’d be nice to hold an arena tour, right?”

what’s next for you?

“keep your eyes on me and you’ll find out soon enough.”

[lonely-soul-02]

I met an oasis fan who’s been in the fandom since 2006 and has been to tons of solo gigs and somehow met all of the members (even Alan McGee). They don’t believe a reunion is happening at least in the near future even though they’ve been wishing for one for years. I was wondering if us new fans are being too positive. How can we know that this is not another circle of baiting and solo album promotion.

Well, you can't is the short answer. There's no way to know.

I also don't believe that a reunion is happening or that the brothers have made up yet though I don't think that your friend's opinion has much to do with how long they've been a fan. And being more positive doesn't necessarily have anything to do with being a new fan. It's just that different people will see the situation differently. After all, I started off hugely positive last year and I've been a fan since 1995! I changed my mind half way through the year.

I'm just going by what I see/hear: interviews, Liam's twitter, Noel's comments on podcasts, a scrap of info here and there from people like Gem.

The vicious hostility of the 2017-2020 years seems to be behind them, so that is encouraging. I do think the 'thawing of the ice age' has begun. Apart from the 'call me' mind games of last year, Noel's been softer on Liam than he has been in a long time. Liam still lashes out occasionally, which is what makes me think the thaw is not quite done yet. Of course, I would dearly love to be wrong. I would cry tears of joy to be wrong! I'm hoping that 2024 is the year they make up.

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

that was so- omg jrnsbhsbsh inread the comsume fic and iirhej and please I can't express how much i LOVED you writing darkling as that closed off and giving the akina pov but LET ME IN on his thoughts during it. And thank you so much.

re: this fic!

shdhff thank you!! this ask took me ages because I decided, not at all in procrastination, to go over the entire fic and write out what I think the Darkling’s going through at any given point.

for a refresher, the basic premise of the fic is that Alina isn’t dragged away to the underground tunnels when the chapel collapses at the end of S&S. she and Aleksander are both buried under the rubble, so she’s basically his prisoner once they’re both dug out and healed up. and he offers her an end to their hostilities and to spare her friends if she completely surrenders and also marries him.

I have this tagged as “S&S bad ending” and it’s really what it says on the tin! everyone’s miserable! so yeah, let’s dive in on Darkling POV!

I think his initial thought process is that he has her in his grasp and he wants to keep it that way.

No matter what the people at her bedside had said about his health, he looks perfectly fine now. A little haggard perhaps, the lines of his face sharper, more hungry. But he is otherwise unscathed. Meanwhile she still feels like... well she feels like she's had a building collapse on her. She wonders if his healers have been careful that she doesn't recover too quickly after all.

fwiw I don’t think he told his healers to be slower with Alina, her injuries were just very extensive, as per canon. and he was obviously getting priority as their commander. he just seems to not suffer much ill effect at all in R&R so I kept that.

He tilts his head, a glint in his eye that she doesn't quite like. "Would you like me to leave?"

The Corporalki behind him shift awkwardly from foot to foot. She wonders what they think of this.

"Would you actually leave?"

"No."

"Well then it doesn't matter much, does it? But for the record, no I don't particularly enjoy being scrutinized."

“ Have you attempted to summon?" he asks her.

She shakes her head.

here he’s noticed that he has gained some of her power and he’s wondering if it goes both ways. also he’s just very much enjoying being the one in total control here. especially when alina’s actions/things not going his way led him down a more volatile emotionally uncontrolled path. so he feels much more secure now, he’s kind of like “yes, this is the correct way of things.” the natural and correct power dynamic between them has been restored.

"I don't think you fully appreciate that I saved your life, Alina."

"Do you expect gratitude?"

"No, not from you." He takes a chair by her bedside, and she wonders if he is at all weak too.

She hopes so. “Then fine, what do you want?"

"You made a promise to me, Alina," the Darkling says, expression unreadable.

She frowns. "And then I tried to kill you."

He shrugs. "I've come to expect that from you. I have kept my word, however. I let your friends go."

He was unconscious when they were escaping through the tunnels. Somehow, Alina doubts he was in a position to give chase. But she holds her tongue.

so I basically say this from her POV already but he’s absolutely leaning into “oh I’m taking the high road here, I acted in good faith and let your friends go” when he really didn’t have a choice at the time! he didn’t let them go, they escaped him. and he wasn’t able to pursue. but he’s absolutely going to press the advantage and act like she owes him for it.

The Darkling visits her again, often, and seemingly aimlessly.

he’s kind of pining shfhf he wants to see her! he also keeps expecting her to run away somehow like she did after the fete. he doesn’t quite believe that she’s just… there. and can’t go anywhere.

"Do you ever regret running away?" he asks her once, suddenly. "For causing so much devastation?"

"I regret that you're cruel. That you're vicious and power hungry."

"All that I do is for Ravka," he says simply.

he does genuinely thinks that she betrayed him in the first book. his pride and feelings are a little hurt! like she wasn’t infatuated enough to stay? why not?? why does she keep picking that rando tracker???

so he asks because frankly he wants her to regret it! he wants her to have regrets

But still, he is her only company. And she begins to anticipate and dread his visits in equal measure.

She always asks him for news. She cannot tell if any of what he tells her is accurate. But she is completely in his clutches. What would be the point of lying?

he does very much enjoy being her only connection to the outside world

"Surrender. Be my Tsaritsa."

She stares at him dumbfounded. If merzost had stolen the color from her hair, perhaps it had entirely robbed the Darkling of sense.

"You're insane."

I think wanting an actual marriage is in part for propaganda! but also for want of a more direct sense of possession? like she is his captive for as long as she is in his grasp. if she escapes well she escaped. but if she marries him, even if she runs or acts against him, she would still be his wife. also he’s a fan of big gestures. getting her to outright say she surrenders, even if he thinks she doesn’t intend to follow through, is important strategically (tanking enemy morale etc) but also he simply wants to relish the power trip.

he just wants her to be His somehow and it’s very frustrating to him! like not to be a basic literature nerd but this Jane Eyre quote really exemplifies Darklina from Aleksander’s perspective to me:

“"Never," said he, as he ground his teeth, "never was anything at once so frail and so indomitable. A mere reed she feels in my hand!" (And he shook me with the force of his hold.) "I could bend her with my finger and thumb: and what good would it do if I bent, if I uptore, if I crushed her? Consider that eye: consider the resolute, wild, free thing looking out of it, defying me, with more than courage — with a stern triumph. Whatever I do with its cage, I cannot get at it — the savage, beautiful creature! If I tear, if I rend the slight prison, my outrage will only let the captive loose. Conqueror I might be of the house; but the inmate would escape to heaven before I could call myself possessor of its clay dwelling-place. And it is you, spirit — with will and energy, and virtue and purity — that I want: not alone your brittle frame. Of yourself you could come with soft flight and nestle against my heart, if you would: seized against your will, you will elude the grasp like an essence — you will vanish ere I inhale your fragrance."”

he has the means and even the willingness to crush her, make her capitulate fully, but it wouldn’t get him what he wants.

he’s been waiting for a sun summoner for an untold amount of time and has been building all his goals and desires around it. he keeps demanding her submission but that won’t get him her respect. he wants her to idolize him and to agree with everything he does. in her he wants a companion in immortality and a starry eyed acolyte. like he spent all this time thinking the sun summoner was the key to all of his life’s woes, and then Alina shows up and WRECKS his shit. he feels ripped off!! he wants his money back!! but also desperately desperately wants her to magically have always been the person he wanted her to be.

The Darkling is sitting at the head of the table. He does not look up at her approach, but he dismisses her guards with a wave.

"Do you have a response for me?" the Darkling says evenly, setting aside a stack of papers.

Alina looks at the map on the walls, and the various papers strewn about, trying to decipher anything about Ravka's current situation.

She shakes her head. "I was just bored."

At this he does finally look up, raising an eyebrow.

"You wanted company?"

he does fully expect her to sweep in to accept him (or loudly proclaim her rejection, until she takes some time to think about it and “sees reason”) it fully catches him off guard that she might just want to talk like… recreationally.

"There's nothing else to do here."

"I'm sorry, I've been busy."

"You're sorry," she says flatly. Because it is an absurd thought: the Darkling sorry for anything.

He shrugs. It's an oddly human gesture from him.

He looks weary.

eye think he means the apology. he’s genuinely busy! can’t take over a country overnight! and shdhdgdd he can afford to ignore his captive gf/mortal enemy. so he’s like realizing that he has been rather neglectful and is *mildly* chagrined about it. like… whoops

"What's your name?" she asks suddenly. "Do you have one?"

her being like “lol do you even have a name at all” paired with coming of her own volition to just hang out mildly disarms him. hence him volunteering the bit about baghra.

"Why are you so protective of it?"

"Old habit, I suppose." For a moment she thinks he isn't going to say more, and then he sighs.

"Baghra instilled it in me."

"Did vou ever look for her?"

He doesn't reply, only looks at her. Suspicion plain on his face.

"She was evacuated before the attack. If the Kingfisher made it out unscathed, she should be fine."

"It isn't any concern of mine," he says, voice going cool again.

he immediately regrets it though lmao and is like “actually no I do not care about what happened to her at all!! (lying)”

anyway I don’t get into it, but it’s probably the first time in a long time where he has no idea where Baghra is, on top of them having that very dramatic break (her smuggling Alina out, him blinding her rip rip) that I think he’s very uncertain and scared about it but also obvs wouldn’t tell Alina about it.

anyway you asked about the Darkling’s thoughts specifically, but worth mentioning that Alina asking about whether he ever looked for Baghra is her vaguely trying to appeal to/find some humanity in him. like “okay, you at least have enough in common with the regular person in that you can be worried about a loved one yes?” and he’s like “no 💖”

"Your Lantsov prince has been sighted. I knew he couldn't remain underground forever."

She keeps her expression carefully neutral, waiting for him to continue, and he does.

"He made a mistake, he'll make others, eventually he'll be captured. He is a threat, Alina, our bargain does not extend to him. I will not spare a Lantsov.”

he’s been sitting on this news for awhile actually shfhff but he brings it up here to twist the knife/further distance them.

The Darkling takes her back to her chambers— his former chambers— in the Little Palace to collect her things under supervision.

"Why did you stay in my quarters?" He asks her.

"It is where the Commander of the Second Army sleeps."

He seems to find that amusing. "Did you ever close your eyes and think of me?"

"No."

"No, I suppose you didn't have to. I was always there with you."

I think this is pretty obvious. he’s calling her out on being into him! I always thought it was absolutely deranged of her to choose to sleep in his bed!! that being said, his typical modus operandi *is* to blow things out of proportion— everything is evidence that he is right and she is wrong, and they’re meant to be like eternal soulmates— and this is no exception.

which is what leads into him making a more romantic overture for the first time since the chapel scene.

I think he hasn’t until that point, in part because he has also been mad at her lol. in canon he seems pretty chill about it the next time she visits him through the tether, but a lot of time has passed. in this he needs some time to get over his hurt feelings/wounded pride lmfao. but also! a major factor is that in the previous scene she revealed that she wants his company! and so he’s immediately like “what kind of company 👀👀”

She dreams of him. Gray eyes watching her in the darkness. She reaches for his hand, presses it to her face. That rush isn't there.

"You're right," he murmurs. "It isn't real this way. In shadows and dreams."

"Please don't go," she whispers. But he leaves anyway.

he’s absolutely punishing her for rejecting him. which is leverage he also only just discovered he has at all in the scene before last. it’s why he doesn’t visit her through the tether while he’s away for weeks. he’s reminding her that she is painfully lonely without him.

Ivan is carefully guiding her by the arm, and he's made it abundantly clear that he isn't afraid to use his power if she steps out of line, so she keeps her mouth shut, though she can feel the uneasy stares at her amplifiers. The silence stretches on, while she stands there at the door.

"Leave us," he says quietly. And everyone in the room file out in unison.

"What was that?" she asks once they're alone, aside from the requisite guards. She has grown accustomed to it at this point.

"There are rumors that you are dead. It's better to dispel them."

"And to make it clear that I'm at your beck and call?"

Alina’s guessed his motivation correctly here. he’s making a show of having a pet sun summoner.

She blinks. "You crossed the Shadow Fold?"

"The Shadow Fold no longer poses a threat to me," he says simply. "You have David to thank for that."

"What do you mean?"

He rises from his seat, moving to stand before her. “I mean that you can no longer count on West Ravka to ally with Nikolai Lantsov when he resurfaces. And no one else will want to entertain that same mistake."

this is just the same lumiya beat from R&R But Worse bc he used it to march on West Ravka, which I think he also does or at least threatens to in canon? he’s obvs making an example of them so no one dares to try to offer Nikolai any aid but also is making a statement for Ravka’s neighbors without actually acting against them, which would incite a war. essentially similar motivations to expanding the fold on Novokribirsk

He gazes down at her still captive face, cheeks streaked with fresh tears. "You've missed me," he says. And it isn't a question.

“You're a monster," she whispers, even as she reaches for him.

"Does saying that make you feel better?" he asks, lifting her up onto the table, heedless of its contents.

he knows very well that she’s vulnerable because she’s been lonely and because he just upset her with news of fresh war crimes lol so he’s like “I can offer you comfort from the problems that I caused :)”

"You were meant for me, Alina," he murmurs in her ear, a jagged edge to his voice that sounds curiously like desperation. "Accept it."

see: above Jane Eyre quote again. I think the more physical intimacy they have the more he’s like shdhf privately spiraling that she does not love him and is, in his view, too obstinate to simply see things his way and emotionally capitulate.

not really going over their negotiations when she does finally agree to marry him bc I think his responses are fairly self explanatory.

he is a emotionally shriveled husk of person feeling feelings for the first time in decades (centuries?) and it’s eating him alive!

I also faded to black the name reveal conversation because I see it going pretty close to canon! and also I’m fading to black the sex scenes in this and I like the idea of skipping over that conversation as something just as intimate?

He can afford to be indulgent now, apparently, because he thinks he's won. She stifles the impulse to make a scene, to wipe that smug look from his face. But she isn't sure he wouldn't enjoy the chance to have her seized by guards, to make a public display of just how much power he has in this situation. So she walks away, back straight.

yeah, he’s power tripping so hard 😭

"You must know that I have nearly a dozen oprichniki outside the door, in the event that my dearest wife attempts to kill me again... Or something precisely like this occurring. Should I call them?"

"You don't need to do that," Alina says hoarsely.

His arms are wrapped tightly around her waist. He leans his chin on her shoulder comfortably.

"Please don't kill him," Alina says, trying not to stumble over her own words. "He'll leave. He isn't even a threat, the Tsar is still alive."

"I don't think he will," the Darkling says, stroking her hair. "I've already told you how far my mercy extends, Alina. And it is not to him."

"Then don't consider it mercy," she says.

"Oh?" He kisses her neck.

(removed an interjection from Nikolai in the excerpt for the sake of brevity)

this is mostly in keeping with his canon tendency to always be really over the top suggestive (“did you tell him what I showed you in the dark” “I’ll be sure you hear it when I make her scream” etc) this scene is also very much about him constantly trying to telegraph power and control though. and him being so casual with Alina is part of that

The Darkling watches them both, looking thoughtful. A long moment passes. He draws up an armchair for himself, sits casually, contemplating. He must enjoy drawing this out too, the way the silence in the room is taught with anticipation and dread. How the both of them are urgently waiting on his word.

"Convince me to spare his life," he says finally, again with that indulgent air from the wedding party. But this time it seems a bit put on. "Would you beg for this one too?"

referencing the bit in S&B when he made her beg for Mal’s life.

this entire scene I think he’s feeling a mix of weary, amused, and kind of pissed because the rescue attempt came so close to being successful. the bit about his indulgent air being put on is just him not feeling as in control as he’s pretending to be? his bluff here is to act like he’s already won, even though he’s not feeling as secure as all that, and it basically does work.

he’s really annoyed at the prospect of like coming back and she could have already been gone? like what happened after the fete! and it puts him in a rather cruel mood.

like so lol:

He twists his hands in her hair and pulls, baring the pale column of her neck and its cage of antlers.

"Don't-" Nikolai begins but she cuts him off.

"Nikolai, please," she snaps.

"Oh please," the Darkling echoes with amusement.

the one thing I will ever give show!Darkling is him mocking Alina in the tent on their first meeting. so that one bit does live in my mind rent free in terms of book!Darkling characterization

"Consider this my wedding gift. If you care for me at all you'll spare him."

"If I don't?" he says quietly, bowing his head to meet her gaze. Something cruel glinting in his eyes.

lololololol stunning lack of self awareness/utter bald faced lie. he hates Feelings so much that he would probably rather set himself on fire than admit he has any feelings. (“the problem with wanting is that it makes us weak,” etc etc)

"But you do. You've never turned away from me.

I'm yours, and you want me. Please," she whispers, tilting her head up, straining to reach him. To brush her lips against his in promise.

"Send him away, let him go. And you can return to your marriage bed."

"So fervent of a sudden," he murmurs, face like stone.

he’s genuinely pissed that she’s taking stuff he’s said and parroting it back to him just to get her way. obvs the never turning away line is something he said in the chapel scene. and he’s like no that’s not allowed! you have to mean it!

They both stiffen when the Darkling strides over to pat his head like a dog, letting his shadow bonds fall away. "You're dismissed, unless," and this last is said with the most mocking of smiles

"You would like to entertain us further? Are you intent on joining our wedding night?”

Darknikolina baybey

okay so I don’t think he meant this seriously, he’s just being a dick, and there is no chance Nikolai would’ve been like “lol sure why not” under these circumstances. but IF HE DID, idk maybe just to call his bluff, I think Aleksander would have been more than happy to let him join sgdhf

also a much, much earlier version of this fic, before there were multiple chapters at all, basically existed to lead up to a wedding night threesome scene. that one was more like “I’ll let you live if you entertain my wife :)” which is a slightly different vibe

Well into the night, he is the one to finally twist away from her embrace. "Were you planning to leave with him? Was I meant to chase you down through the Ravkan countryside again?"

She thinks of the scandal, how much it would infuriate him to have her flee the very night of the wedding. She almost wishes she'd gone, that she still had the will to. "Perhaps," she says finally.

"Were you?"

"No, I told him I was staying."

shdhfg very transparently like “were you going to leave me!!!”

He stares at her for a long time, face entirely unreadable, but she can feel the tension in the lines of his body, in the way he's carefully holding himself away from her. "You wouldn't have gotten off the palace grounds."

"Are you so sure?"

yeah so he refuses to believe her saying she decided to stay. but he’s wounded about it so he’s like “it doesn’t matter! you wouldn’t have been able to leave anyway!!!”

The Darkling turns to her again in frustration. “This one's life is forfeit," he grits out, "the moment you step out of line.

"But I will not," Alina replies, with far more confidence than she feels.

"I doubt it."

"Aleksander," she pleads, reaching for him.

And he visibly stiffens. "I did not give you my name to throw it around whenever it suits you." But he lets her kiss him, with Nikolai's gaze heavy on the both of them.

so he’s literally only keeping Nikolai alive because the other hostages are gone and he can’t hold them over Alina’s head. pretty telling that he thinks he needs that much to keep her in check. and like… he’s not wrong I guess!

meanwhile she tries to appeal to his humanity a bit and he recoils from that, both the implication that there is humanity to appeal to lol and that she’s flaunting something intimate, told to her in confidence— basically the closest to willing vulnerability he’ll get. and even so it almost works, he softens a little, involuntarily basically. (mind, he has also privately been going INSANE for the entire night and morning over her saying that she had decided to stay anyway, like is it true? did she just say it to fuck with him? why???) which is why his response is to get a little vicious like “okay the bargain’s off I’m killing everyone the moment I get my hands on them, and don’t worry they’ll come to me!!!”

but yeah mostly he’s just going insane. like she ruined his fucking life by telling him that!! because it’s also that he knows he hasn’t been treating her well lmao or doing anything to really win her over. in his white knuckle refusal to show her any sort of emotional weakness, he’s fostered a fairly cold and grim dynamic between them. meanwhile he’s had his ongoing internal tantrum about her not liking him sjfjfhffgs like he just keeps lashing out and making things worse and having way less game because he’s increasingly more invested and that makes him more tantrumy and evil.

And as much as he talks of killing Nikolai, the Darkling enjoys the spectacle of having the prince at his beck and call. It's obvious.

The two of them, they might as well be exotic birds, he keeps in pretty cages. Keeping them dressed in gold and jewels, bringing them out to impress and intimidate ally and enemy alike.

Darknikolina :)

also glossing over stuff that doesn’t involve Aleksander bc we’re focused on his POV only rn

Alina thinks she may cry, but she only steps away, a bland smile plastered to her face. The Darkling's sharp gaze is following her every movement as she steps up to him. "I don't feel well."

He nods and his oprichniki usher her back inside.

She only wonders afterwards whether he knew. Whether it was a test.

I don’t think he knew beforehand but I think he has suspicions as it’s happening.

"You spend so much time with the Lantsov pup," he says, voice deceptively calm.

She bristles. Knowing already where this is going.

"I wasn't the one who suggested he join us on our wedding night."

"Is that an admission?"

"No. He's simply the only friend I have here."

"Alina, if you're lacking for friends, we could always hunt them down and bring them back." He pauses, the smile he gives her is venomous. "To keep you company."

he’s such a fucking mess idek what to say. his threats are never empty tho!

He brings his lips to hers, more tender with her than she's used to. She lets herself sigh into it; though she knows it's laced with poison, it's still sweet. He barely draws away to speak, and she can almost feel the shape of the words. "Tell your prince he's the last of his line. Not that he has much claim to it to begin with."

"What?"

But he simply kisses her again, her lips still parted in surprise, and then leaves, self satisfaction in every step.

Alina can't bring herself to feel particularly badly for the former Tsar and Tsaritsa. She cares for Genya too much for that. But she does worry for Nikolai. And that it will simply be that much harder to rally against her husband one day.

reading my own stuff sucks bc I’m always like “the prose :/“

but anyway, yeah I think it’s really funny how he would absolutely have assassinated the Lantsovs anyway but now it’s primarily motivated by petty spite.

having Nikolai around is REALLY weird and messy for him, because a) he only has the one hostage to hold over her head now, so he really can’t touch him unless circumstances are very dire b) so that really prolonged meltdown he’s been having over Alina not liking him? even tho she’s otherwise dtf? well guess who she really likes and has always gotten along with! c) he also promised he’d like allow any liberties at all so he can’t keep them both locked up all the time shdgdd which would be shooting himself in the foot re: the miserable uphill battle of his own making in ever, ever making Alina like him! so he’s just going to simmer in jealousy 5ever

that being said, he’s not very good at keeping promises… case in point:

Alina had known there was trouble the moment he'd sent everyone but her away. And it was only a matter of time before the hunt for the amplifier began afresh. But it is still stunning to hear the news, seated across the oval table, staring at her husband's terribly calm face.

"You promised me," she says. "You said you would spare them."

"We need the tracker."

She grits her teeth. "If you hurt any one of them, I will fight you at every turn."

"Aren't you already?"

She stares at him in disbelief. "No. I do everything you ask."

"You keep saying that."

he’s like “of course following your friends around for the firebird doesn’t count :)”

anyway, about the rest of their argument, I think to an extent, genuinely, there’s no degree of submission Alina could ever offer that would be enough. part of that is his irrational desire for her like *preexisting* unconditional love, where he wants an impossible scenario where she simply never went against him or hated him for anything he did. but another part is again that she is currently keeping herself emotionally distant and it’s driving him slowly (more) insane.

"If you think this is me fighting you, I don't want to know your metric for cooperation. What more could you possibly want from me?"

His jaw clenches but he says nothing.

he wants her to love him!!! really bad!!!

(but he also wants to do next to nothing to earn that love/actively lashes out at her and presents *himself* as uncaring because being in a position to Feel Things and Want Affection makes him feel incredibly weak and he’s fucking angry about it.)

“Ensuring the safety of my friends was the key part of this agreement. Are you going back on your word?”

“I could,” he says, that gleam in his eye again. “What would you do? Run away?”

She stands, the chair legs screeching on the floor. “You bastard—”

He continues as if she hadn’t spoken, “I could, but I won’t. We find the firebird, and I will simply let them go again, is that enough for you, Alina?”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I’ve kept your Lantsov pup alive for this long haven’t I? And he was never even part of the agreement. Haven’t I been reasonable?”

She’s about ready to throw something at him. Perhaps to take one of the ridiculous stacks of paper he pores over often and hit him square in the face with it. She clenches her hands instead.

“It’s nothing to me whether a single otkazat’sya man dies, or ten, or a hundred. He will die eventually, to time or his own foolish choices, and it will be all the same to me. We, on the other hand, have an eternity between us. It’s time you considered that. We will outlive anyone else. The only thing that can kill us is another of our own power, Alina. You could fight me if you’re truly so stubborn, but time would simply bring you back to me again.”

The silence stretches on between them. He’s waiting for her response. How her outrage will finally boil over.

“Nothing to say, Alina?” The Darkling rests his chin in his hand, affecting boredom.

Alina circles the table to approach him. She only just catches a flash of something on his face, simple interest, perhaps apprehension. Wordlessly, she pushes him against the chair back, making room to perch on his lap. The voluminous skirts of her black kefta, it’s really a gown, spill over the chair.

He’s always so careful to school his features, to betray nothing. But she knows him now. She can identify the slightest hitch in his breath, the way he tenses.

so there’s a lot going on here but it’s dependent on the other stuff, so I’m posting a longer excerpt.

here, he does think that he’s been making an effort. like he DOES think he’s been generous and reasonable (lol) the audacity is legit. but also he’s fully goading her.

she’s just been quiet and in her own shell for a long time and he just wants her to fight him, or to show any real emotional reaction. the reaction mentioned at the end is a sort of wary interest, she’s finally *doing something* but also like… concealed desire. not even in an entirely sexual sense. again he’s just hungry for some sort of genuine emotional response from her.

"It must kill you," she says finally, barely drawing away, "how you must negotiate and bargain for a scrap of my attention."

She sees the rage flicker over his face, twist it into something ugly for just a moment, before his expression smooths again. "You seem to be under the impression that you have more bargaining power with me than you truly possess."

he keeps trying to affect indifference but like… bro… bro…. indifference is somewhat mutually exclusive from the Everything of your behavior.

Alina laughs. "For all your lofty years, and your experience, your supposed fathomless cunning. You have to keep me chained to your side and it eats at you, doesn't it?"

"What point are you trying to prove?"

"Do you love me, Aleksander? Or well. Do you think you do? Is this why you're playing this charade of marriage?"

His eyes are like chips of ice. "Go ahead, stamp your foot and lash out. It changes nothing.

"Does it hurt that I loathe you? I know it wounds your pride at least. Have you ever considered that your very best reason for me to turn to you is that on the grander scale everyone else I know is going to die?"

He hasn't let her go. He hasn't pushed her away. In fact his grip on her is bruising.

She lowers her mouth to his ear. "Have you considered that you're pathetic?"

anyway yeah she’s meant to be correct here lol. perhaps obvious and self explanatory but he hasn’t pushed her away because he’s fucking desperate 💖 a fact that makes him really mad!

He questions Nikolai for more information. For what connections they might have, where they might be going. Alina worries that she will have to intervene again. She worries that perhaps this will be the last tug the Darkling's patience needs, already stretched so thin, before it snaps.

But whatever happens behind the closed doors of the war room for nearly two hours, Nikolai emerges not seeming that much worse for the wear.

I really want to write this scene at some point. I don’t have very concrete ideas but I think the vibes are fucking insane. the two hours mention is meant to be mildly suggestive tbqh

It's a careful shot, calculated not to kill it, but only to incapacitate. She watches the firebird plummet to the ground. Blood blossoms from its plumage, the brightness of the color nearly obscene. Alina glances between it and the Darkling, who seems to be too preoccupied with savoring this victory to make the kill just yet. And her own guards have forgotten her. She will not have another chance, so she decides quickly.

The firebird is still struggling feebly when Alina aims the Cut at its slender neck.

She was expecting rage from the Darkling but he only glances back over his shoulder at her with something like weary amusement.

idk I think he’s into it. power hungriness is something he can understand and is therefore mildly quicker to forgive. it’s kind of like in R&R where he’s like “oh well I know you tried to kill me but that’s hot. there are two thrones up on that dais jsyk :)”

and like I think he would have been absolutely fine, but when it turns out that the firebird isn’t an amplifier he’s like “oh why would Alina ever exhibit anything as normal and understandable to me as a craving for power? clearly this was some sort of sabotage!”

And as terrible of an idea as it is, it isn't infrequent for her to search for solace in Nikolai's arms when the Darkling is away.

So it isn't even a surprise when she catches a glimpse of him through the tether. Just a flicker of shadow and slate gray eyes.

Typically their general surroundings don't quite appear in focus through the tether. But there would be no mistaking the tangled shape of her and Nikolai in bed.

"He knows," she whispers, dully.

he’s throwing the BIGGEST tantrum wherever he is. war crimes are probably being committed while he’s outwardly like “I don’t even care, why should it bother me?”

"You still need him," she insists. "You can't kill him."

"Do you only have the single song to sing? It's tiresome." He abandons her, looking bored. "Do you think I'm angry, Alina? Do you think I'm threatened by mere otkazat'sya? A king without a crown. A few decades and he will be dead. What is he to me? Take him on the dinner table for all I care. In fact, why don't you? I'd rather see what you've been doing behind my back. Lying is so distasteful, Alina."

They exchange unnerved glances. "You can't be serious."

"As death."

I think there’s a real element of spite and not wanting Alina to have any sort of private solace? beyond the jealousy, and being angry enough and insistent enough of his own apathy, that he’s like “lol why don’t you fuck on the table here and now!” there’s deliberate intent of inserting himself into the dynamic. of making it so that they cannot turn to each other without thinking of him.

he’s certainly angry and frustrated enough with both of them to be more than happy to have a threesome about it lol but that’s not the point of the scene. it’s more about power. of reasserting himself as the person in control of both of them.

the con is hm very dubbing here ngl. which is true of any consent given in captivity, but like there’s outright malicious intent here.

There's something about hate. It can calcify so easily into desire.

Applicable to all of them!

It's become a habit, the three of them. Alina wakes in her bed, all in a tangle. The Darkling is still asleep, an arm draped around her. Nikolai is on the other side of him, staring dully at the ceiling.

And she wonders what it means that he's careless enough to sleep in front of both of them now. How little of a threat he perceives them to be.

yeah he’s pretty content with his power over them and that they’re both simply not going to leave him!

he hasn’t gotten what he wanted in terms of a more genuine emotional connection. if anything things are more toxic now. but he’s steeled himself to that. at least rn he’s feeling secure in his control.

Alina considers what the Darkling said about her lifespan. About the lonely expanse of years ahead of her. She lets the shadow gutter out.

the irony is that Alina IS emotionally attached to him! he just refuses to believe it!

[alheria]

Ownership (one-shot)

Ghost fucking hated joint exercises.

They always felt so...unnecessary, especially now with his many, many years of unquestionable, extensive experience and equally impressive mission portfolio. He's a cold-blooded, efficient, reliable killer, but apparently that is not enough for the army. The ten days long training scenario with allied international teams was mandatory, what he learned during the hopeless attempt to somehow get out of it.

"Please, don't test my patience Simon. Suck it up.", Price said, not even for a second looking up from the documents he was working on. That guy surely didn't take anyone's crap and it showed. Ghost couldn't blame him, being in charge was not easy, a tremendous responsibility of keeping a bunch of reckless idiots alive mixed with a shocking amount of paperwork. Himself, Ghost would never want to be in such position, immensely enjoying the exclusive field work. But it doesn't change the fact he was still pissed. Fucking bullshit, stupid ass exercises.

And if that was not enough, something weird started happening around his boyfriend.

The new guys seemed to really like him.

Which was rather surprising considering König's intimidating and unapproachable aura combined with the spooky looks of a crazy tall, ripped beast wearing a creepy mask. Also, the young soldier was openly hostile towards strangers, not interested in making friends unless it was absolutely necessary or somehow beneficial. He often remarked that there is no reason to bother if you're probably never gonna meet them again. Quite a reasonable assumption in their field of work to be honest.

Why the sudden change then? What was so different about those soldiers, he decided they were worth his precious attention? 

Ghost had no fucking clue. But wished he had because this whole peculiar ordeal was weirding him out.

They knew each-other for almost two years now, been officially dating nearly a year and a half, and it was the first time he witnessed the Austrian publicly act in such manner: engaging in an actual conversation and using whole damn sentences instead of nodding in silent acknowledgement. Sounds like something completely normal, although not in this case. In addition to being big and scary, König was very quiet and noticeably withdrawn due to rather prominent social anxiety he still struggled with. It took the lieutenant months to get his utterly fascinating partner to feel truly comfortable around him, even though the two of them crossed the intimacy line not too long after they met. And all that hard work to uncover what exactly hides under the thick protection layer was totally worth the trouble.

At least that's how it felt before. Cos right now, it looked like König didn't mind acquainting with a bunch of random people, opening up a little. Perhaps it was a positive sign, he needed to start working on those social skills sooner or later for the teamwork's sake, and it probably wouldn't be troubling Ghost much if not for that one soldier who literally glued himself to the Austrian.

The fucking French guy.

A vibrant red light flashed in his mind the second they got introduced. There was just something about that non-stop smiling man rubbing the lieutenant the wrong way. Cedric, or whatever the fuck his name is, was slightly taller than Simon, but rather slim build, had very short dark hair and something sparkled in his brown eyes when he saw König for the first time.

Since then, he constantly followed the masked killer, talking about devil knows what and making the Brit's instincts scream in an itching need to eliminate the unlikely threat. Why did he perceive this dude in such an intense way was a mystery. Never being in a relationship before, the concept of being jealous was not only hard to comprehend - admitting to it seemed impossible. Ghost was too proud to have such juvenile feelings, especially ones implying he has vulnerabilities of some kind. It was also incredibly stupid to think his boyfriend might cross the line. König would never. They were working great as a couple, their extremely different personalities surprisingly turned out to be a perfect fit, and it was obvious how deep their bond is. Yet, he talked to Cedric as if they knew each-other for years, was visibly comfortable in his presence, clearly wasn't minding the unfamiliar hands frequently touching his arms, back and waist as they laughed together. And maybe at night the Austrian as usual kept sneaking into Ghost's too small for the two of them bed to fall asleep between his strong arms, but somehow this sense of uncertainty didn't want to leave him alone. It was fucking annoying.

So on the sixth day of this shitshow, when Gaz had to physically stop him to prevent a major case of "friendly fire" from occuring, after the French soldier whispered something right into König's covered ear, Ghost decided enough is enough. His boyfriend needed to stop being close with that guy right fucking now, or double murder will be on the menu tonight. 

Not wanting to make a scene in public because it's not how a stealthy assassin operates, Simon patiently waited for an ideal opportunity to strike, forcing himself to stay calm and vigilant while that fucker shamelessly flirted with the seemingly clueless Austrian. Oh, how he wished it was an enemy soldier, not an ally. He would be long dead.

Luckily, an opening to act formed on the very same day, after everyone was done for the day and more than ready to hit the bunks, exhausted by a challenging training scenario, including the lieutenant who after having a work related chat with Price, slowly walked back to sleeping quarters when he saw it, and rage started to burn. There was a hand in the middle of König's chest firmly pressing him into the hallway wall, while the other palm gently pulled on the thin face cover, as if the Frenchman was trying to persuade the younger man to remove it. Which was absolutely not fucking happening for two reasons:

1. There was nothing König feared more than having his mask taken off in public, and would never consent to such a thing.

2. No one was touching Ghost's boyfriend without his consent.

The lieutenant quickly crossed the distance between him and the pair, grabbed Cedric's neck and shoved him backwards, right into the opposite wall.

-Learn how to keep your hands to yourself, or I will fucking break them. -he warned, gazing furiously at the terrified soldier struggling to breathe with a strong hand tightly squeezing his throat. Ghost for a second considered holding for a little too long. End his life. But feeling something repeatedly tug on the back of his shirt, the Brit hesitantly let go of the suffocating man who immediately fell to the floor, and dissatisfied turned around towards the clearly distressed Austrian. His eyes turned glossy, making the lieutenant's anger slightly fade. -With me. Now. -ordered, grasping König's arm before dragging him in their room's direction, leaving the heavily panting man behind.

It was an unpleasantly silent walk, tension so dense, a knife could cut right through. The younger soldier obediently followed his boyfriend, knowing well-enough that a visibly pissed Ghost should not be messed with if one wished to stay alive, what he learned the hard way a while ago when he got himself separated from his team and recklessly injured. 

-Ouch! -the Austrian whined once his already sore body roughly hit the wall the second they entered the dark bedroom. -The fuck you doing Simon?! -questioned when the lieutenant's muscular arms cornered him, desire to kill resonating from his hostile posture.

-You're mine. -he growled. -Mine, and no one else's.

Till death do us part.

-Of course I am, you know that! What is this about?! -demanded the younger man, struggling not to break the painfully intense eye contact, aware his partner hates when he tries to avoid confrontation. It was uncomfortable, but it truly did help to be a little more assertive.

-I just very much dislike my property being played with. -the Brit responded vaguely, confusing the hell out of the other soldier, who thought the anger was caused by his new friend crossing the line when he wished to see the hidden face.

-What are you talki...Ach du lieber Gott! -König gasped once the shocking realisation hit him like a truck. It wasn't about Cedric messing with the mask, it was about Cedric in general! Someone was feeling insecure. There was no reason for him to worry and yet, he almost killed the poor French guy to protect what's rightfully his. -Babe, are you jealous? -he asked confidently, despite suspecting that bringing up such a delicate subject to an already furious assassin might not be the brightest idea.

-I don't get fucking jealous! -Simon barked before dropping his pounding forehead onto the Austrian's shoulder. He was exhausted from all those intrusive, unidentifiable emotions mixed with rage spin inside his mind. -I don't. -sighed in resignation.

He was jealous.

Or rather afraid to lose someone so insanely important to him, the sole thought made him feel sick. Ghost didn't think at this point he could just...let König go. He owned every piece of that beautiful man, who unknowingly had Simon wrapped around his finger.

-So this whole week...you must have been in agony. -implied the Austrian, wrapping the long arms around his boyfriend's wide back, leaning down to speak closer to the covered ear. -Watching Cedric and I get a little too close, spend nearly all the time together, talk, laugh, touch. How did that make you feel? -whispered, gently caressing the tense spine with gloved palms. 

Ghost snorted in disbelief. How did that make him feel?! 

Like there was an itch under his skin he couldn't scratch off. An annoying sensation that intensified terribly any time he saw the two men together, lost in their too comfortable world he wasn't a part of. It fel...wait. What did König just say? Getting a little too close?

...he knew that soldier was flirting with him.

He knew...because he allowed him to!

-...fucking bastard. -Ghost hissed, roughly pushing himself away from the taller man's embrace, pure fury burning in his eyes. -You did it on purpose, didn't you?! You flirted with that French fucker to piss me off! -he shouted, firmly grabbing his boyfriend's shirt and violently shaking the heavy body. -Why?!

-Doesn't matter why! -the Austrian refused to explain, clearly embarrassed by getting caught red-handed, and scared a bit. He just wanted to make Simon jealous, didn't expect his silly game to escalate to the point of being in real danger.

-It does to me! -the Brit informed, his tone somewhat calmer but still dead serious. -Babe, I need you to tell me what I did. Now. -demanded, letting go of the trembling soldier, taking a step back to give him space.

-...you called me your friend. -König mumbled after a moment of hesitation, and upon hearing that, the lieutenant's jaw just dropped.

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

Roughly two weeks ago, the two of them were chilling in a bar after a "civil" mission in a big tourist city, when an old acquaintance of Ghost appeared out of nowhere. Surprised by this unexpected meeting, he might have introduced his boyfriend as a friend. Which was an honest mistake, the lieutenant was still not used to being in a relationship, let alone talking about having a long-term partner. He didn't even realize what happened until now! That adorable idiot seriously needed to learn how to properly communicate his problems. 

-You're a fool, König. You should've said something, I would've corrected myself, you know I would. -he sighed, gesturing for the younger man to take his mask off. Once the blushed face was in full view, he cupped those soft cheeks and pulled his boyfriend down for a sweet forehead kiss before letting go. -Well, I wanted to teach you a lesson for acting up, but perhaps in this situation, I should let it slide. -the lieutenant shrugged nonchalantly, already moving away towards the tiny bathroom to shower before sleep.

-I strongly disagree! -exclaimed the taller soldier, quickly grabbing Ghost's arm to stop him. -For being a brat, I absolutely deserve to be thoroughly punished!

And, oh, Simon did like hearing those words very, very much.

-Alright then, you attention-seeking whore. -the older man nodded, swiftly removing his own mask as he circled the Austrian and stopped behind his back. -On your knees, sweetheart. -ordered firmly, and without a warning, swung his shin right into the back of the soldier's knees, making him instantly fall to the ground with a loud thump and a surprised gasp. The younger man was thanking the heavens for the soft knee pads when Ghost shortly appeared in front of him, holding his thick, half-hard penis in the large palm. -You know what to do.

König's eyes went wide, dry throat subconsciously swallowed at that mouth-watering sight. Of course he knew. His lips instantly parted, tongue slid out in an inviting gesture, ready to taste the hot flesh. Not wasting any time, Simon roughly shoved his length into the opening, and began to fuck the choking soldier's face, his pace absolutely brutal. It was crazy hot, seeing the scary killer tear up while the fat dick deprived him of oxygen. Nevertheless, the Austrian seemed to lack gag-reflex, clearly well-used to having this cock in his mouth. Thinking about it made Ghost rock hard. The wave of pleasure encouraged him to speed up the thrusts, chase the desired release. To make himself feel even better, he cupped the head and held it steady as his hips bottomed down in the contracting throat.

-Goin' to come, baby. -he groaned, feeling the orgasm approach slowly but steadily. The precise movements soon turned erratic, breathing got louder, euphoric fog clouded the sharp eyes. A few more times the lieutenant slammed into König's mouth before burying himself fully inside to reach the ultimate relief. 

-Good boy. -the Brit praised his starved for air boyfriend as he withdrew, a warm hand gently caressed the flushed cheek. -Now, I'm going to take a shower. In the meantime, you'll get naked, prepare your pretty ass to be fucked and nicely wait for me right here on the floor. -Ghost ordered, crouching down to meet the glossy eyes. -If you touch yourself, I'll break your arms, is that clear? -he asked, firmly squeezing the painfully erect crotch strained by tight pants.

-Yes, sir. -the Austrian obediently responded, earning himself a second tender forehead kiss prior to his partner leaving.

Simon did not plan on taking a break, however it somehow felt appropriate to make König wait as an additional punishment for his shameful behaviour. And oh, despite being more than ready to fuck that slutty hole, he did take his sweet time, knowing his boyfriend won't disobey, will be sitting in the exact spot he pointed at, silently begging for him to return and touch the neglected penis.

Ghost was not wrong, once he left the bathroom, the big, scary, naked assassin was on all fours, chest plastered to the ground, head resting on a flat pillow, wet with lubricant cheeks high up in the air, exactly where they needed to be. The position was so erotic, the lieutenant's dick fully hardened in an instant, a purr escaped his dry throat as he approached, hungrily squeezed the muscular globe while the other hand traced the spine, sliding down to the neck it firmly grabbed and pressed to the floor. Bent over his man, the Brit kissed the burning shoulder and whispered:

-I hope you prepared yourself well.

König's mind glitched when the wide shaft forcefully slammed deep into his tight hole, filling him to the brim. Not giving a chance to get used to the feeling of being stretched insanely wide, the cock quickly retreated, just to thrust again a moment later. Ghost's brutal, powerful rhythm clearly mirrored how he felt seeing his boyfriend around Cedric - like he was about to lose his fucking mind and go on a rampage.

-You're mine, don't ever forget that. -Simon groaned, clawing onto the trembling hips, ensuring there will be bruising. Maybe no one would see it, but the knowledge this beautiful, strong body is marked with his presence was somehow comforting. The Austrian didn't respond, busy moaning and whining as the massive penis constantly grazed his sensitive prostate. After such a long time, the lieutenant knew exactly which angles turn the vicious killer into a whimpering mess. To tease him even more, he slid one hand towards the erection, trapped the base between two fingers that only sat there, putting some much-needed pressure, although not making König feel any less frustrated, opposite actually. -Apologize. -Ghost demanded, slowing down the thrusts, ruining the approaching orgasm for both of them. What was something he did not enjoy doing until one day, by an accident, he learned how emotionally his partner reacts to being denied sexual pleasure once he was close to release.

-I'm so-so sor-ry!...It was a mmmistake! -the younger soldier cried out, his voice muffled by the pillow. -I was s-s-stupid!...Ne-ever aa-gain...promise! I promise! -he assured, hopelessly wriggling his butt to feel some more friction inside, where the soaking wet cock moved horribly slowly.

...so pathetically predictable.

Ghost laughed at that clear distress, and promptly adjusted the speed to get them back on track, his thrusts very purposeful, aiming to make them feel good quickly, so they can catch as much sleep as possible. The hand holding the twitching penis, wrapped fully around it, finally started jerking the leaking shaft as their bodies collided. The sudden flood of arousal overwhelmed König's barely working mind to the point all he could sense was Simon's burning touch. Nothing else existed.

-Now. -the older man ordered, realizing he is merely a push away from falling off the edge. The Austrian understood the vague request perfectly, his stretched insides contracted violently when the painfully hard cock for the last time thrust into Ghost's palm. The Brit's weight instantly pressed him to the floor as he heavily overflowed the hole, his own spending penis uncomfortably trapped between the floor and his chest kept releasing as well, no end to be seen.

They stayed connected on the dirty ground until it became unbearable, too greedy and exhausted to let go right away. Once they parted, the lieutenant had to physically drag the other soldier under the shower, his limbs numb from the awkward position, brain still not operating properly. He was sore, weak and needed Ghost to take care of him. Which always happened, no matter how mad Simon was.

A truly responsible owner. 

-König, you asleep baby? -he asked as they lied together in the too small bed, entangled in a close embrace, the satisfied Austrian peacefully dozing off on his naked chest. -I have something important to tell you.

-Not yet. Soon. -mumbled the younger man, leaning into his boyfriend's hand gently caressing his damp hair.

-Good. -Ghost whispered, and before elaborating further, pressed a tender kiss to the flowery smelling head. -Flirt with someone else ever again, I'll make you dig your own grave.

Then I'll personally snap your neck.

[sarangbe]

NEW WOMAN 염사랑 → 이나영

sarang has no idea how this is going to go. ever since he brought home the crown on next gen season one, he could sense nayoung's hostility for him reach a new peak. there's always been tension between them. one of them works tirelessly and exhibits so much passion in their craft, and the other does the bare minimum, and yet, is somehow always the one who walks away with the bouquets; never the former. what's more though, is that it's not just about training either. nayoung is close to alex, and ren, and with how everything ended between them, he's absolutely positive that nayoung paints him as the lone villain in all of it.

so, when he thinks about it, he understands why nayoung dislikes him. honestly speaking, he doesn't blame her. as dramatic as it is, if he were her, he'd hate him, too.

regardless, being in the pits of despair have him craving a much-needed distraction, and although he doesn't really want to, he figures that now is as good a time as any to better himself as a trainee, and the best person to ask for help is none other than lee nayoung. he'll be stunned if she even agrees to it, but above all, he knows she'll be honest with him, and that's what he needs.

sarang has high hopes of this working now because there's no man to distract him, there's no new love on the horizon that's pulling all of his attention—no, for the first time ever, sarang is fully present at sr media, and he hopes he can start using his time more strategically.

taking a seat on the floor beside nayoung, he turns his head over to her. "hey," he begins, pursing his lips together in thought. "may i talk to you?" it may seem strange for him to even ask, but testing the waters seems to be the safer approach here. for all he knows, her answer can flat-out just be 'no' and that'll be the end of that.

"it's about training."